ﾎﾝﾄ 大丈夫なのかなぁ？
(新八)殺人闘技場 煉獄関｡
ﾎﾞｸらは 大暴れして つぶしちゃったけど➡
背後には 幕府を陰で操る 天導衆がいるっていうし➡
This is the death match arena, Rengokukan.
We rampaged through it and broke everything.
But it belonged to the behind-the-scenes Tendo sect, who also controls the Bakufu government.
Will we be all right?
[Matsudaira and Kondo were summoned by the "Tendo Sect," a group who controls the Bakufu behind closed doors.]
[Will they be able to get pass all those assassins and reach the castle?]
(結野ｱﾅ)江戸一帯の 今日の お天気ですが➡
Here's the weather for today in Edo. We'll see a clear autumn sky all day.
本日は 一日 さわやかな 秋晴れになる模様でございます｡
ですが 乙女心と秋の空は➡
Since Autumn weather changes like a woman's heart, please don't blame me if it rains.
移ろいやすいもので ございますから➡
もし 雨が降ってきても 私のせいにしないでくださいませ｡
Now it's time for Dark Astrology with Ketsuno.
それでは 結野ｱﾅの ﾌﾞﾗｯｸ星座占いでございます｡
[Ketsuno Announcer]
[DARK ASTROLOGY]
Today's worst misfortune is reserved for...
今日 いちばんﾂｲていない方は おとめ座の あなたです｡
Virgos. Everything will go wrong today.
(結野ｱﾅ)今日は 何をやっても うまくいきません｡
Gee, what a downer to start the day.
(近藤)なんだよ 朝から ﾃﾝｼｮﾝ下がるなぁ｡
(結野ｱﾅ)特に おとめ座で あごﾋｹﾞを たくわえ➡
Especially the ones with goatees who are brushing their teeth right now...
今 歯をみがいてる方…➡
今日 死にま～す！
They will die today.
What?!
えぇ～っ!? (結野ｱﾅ) 幸運を切り開く ﾗｯｷｰｶﾗｰは 赤｡
The lucky color that will bring you fortune is red.
Plus the red will make the blood less obvious.
何か 赤いもので 血にまみれた体を隠しましょう｡
What kind of luck is that? There's nothing lucky about that!
どんなﾗｯｷｰ？ 何にも切り開けてねえよ！
それでは ｽﾃｷな一日を｡ (近藤)送れるか!!
Have a wonderful day!
There's no way I will!
(近藤)なんちゅう 不愉快な番組だ｡ ﾊﾞｶらしい｡
That damn show! It's so stupid.
だいたい こんなものが 当たるわけがない｡
There's no way that could be true.
世の中の おとめ座が すべて消えてみろ｡
If all the Virgos disappeared, we'd be left with a savage society run by old men. Right, Sogo?
殺伐とした おっさんだらけの世界になるぞ｡
なぁ 総悟？
(沖田)はい これ｡ ｵﾚが ｶﾞｷの頃 使ってた 赤ﾌﾝ｡
Here take this. I used this red loincloth as a kid. Don't worry, I washed it.
大丈夫 洗いやしたから｡
大丈夫って… 何が大丈夫なんだよ お前｡
What do you mean, "don't worry"? Why would I worry?
Can you believe this guy, Toshi?
意外と 心配性なﾔﾂだなぁ｡ なぁ ﾄｼ？
(土方)これ ｵﾚが 昔 使ってた 赤ﾏﾌﾗｰ｡
Take this. I used this red scarf a long time ago.
ちょっ や… やめてよ｡
Hey, stop it. What...? What happened? Or rather, what will happen?
なに？ 何か あったの？ つか 何が起こるの？
(松平)ﾀﾀﾀﾀ… だぁっ！
You effing Gorilla!!
(松平)この～！ くされｺﾞﾘﾗ!!
ぐぉ… あっ！
(近藤)ま… 松平の とっつぁん！
Ma-Matsudaira!
ｺﾞﾘﾗ… 立て この野郎｡
Get up, you Gorilla dumbass! If you don't stand up in three seconds, I'll blow your brains out!
３秒以内に立たねえと どﾀﾏ ぶち抜くぞ｡
(松平)はい １｡ (銃声)
Say...
One...
(近藤)２と３は!?
What happened to two and three?!
知らねえな そんな数字｡
I don't need those numbers. Number "one" is all a man needs to live.
男はな １だけ覚えときゃ 生きていけるんだよ｡
さっき 自分で ３秒って言ったじゃねえか！
But you just said you'd give me three seconds!
What was that?! Even if you're the chief of police, you can't just do anything you want!
なんなんだよ！ いくら 警察のﾄｯﾌﾟだからって➡
やっていいことと 悪いことが あるぞ！
What are you talking about? Because of you, this old man's...this old man's head will roll.
なに言ってやがんでぃ｡
ｵﾒｴのせいでな おじさんは…➡
おじさんは ｸﾋﾞがとぶかもしれねえんだよ｡
はぁ!? 何の話？
Huh?! What are you talking about?
はぁ…｡
路頭に迷ってるﾃﾒｴらを 拾ってやったのが あれ…➡
When I picked you guys up off the street...how many years ago was that anyway?
何年前だっけ？
あ～あ ﾃﾒｴらみてえのを➡
Perhaps it was a mistake to force you to work under me.
支配下においたのが 間違いだった｡
あ～あ やり直してえ｡ ｾﾞﾛから やり直してえ｡
I wish I could start over again. I wish I could start from scratch.
もっと できれば ｵﾒｴらが 親父の金玉袋にいるあたりから｡
If it's possible, I'd like to start again, back when you were in your old man's jewels.
(近藤)どういうこと？
What do you mean?
I told you not to cause trouble.
言ったはずだ… ﾑﾁｬはするな と｡
(松平)前から ﾊﾞｶな連中とは思っていたが➡
I already knew you guys were morons,
but I never thought you'd get involved in the Rengokukan.
まさか 煉獄関に 手ぇ出すたぁよ｡
えっ 看護婦さん？
The ring of what? Look, I don't even wear rings!
看護婦さんは好きだが 手を出した覚えはないぞ｡
Neither do I, moron! And I'm not talking about rings.
(松平)看護婦さんじゃねえよ｡
看護婦さんなら おじさんだって 大好きさ｡
(松平)あ～ もう！ まだ ﾏｲﾎｰﾑのﾛｰﾝも残ってるのによぉ｡
My goodness! I still have a mortgage to pay!
(松平)娘の留学も 妻のｴｽﾃも 全部 ﾊﾟｰじゃねえか｡
There'll be no money left, not with my daughter's overseas education or my wife's spa treatments!
What are you gonna to do about that?!
(松平)どうしてくれるんだ！ (近藤の叫び声)
["Good Things Never Come in Twos (but Bad Things Do)"]
えぇ～っ 天導衆!?
What! The Tendo sect?!
(近藤)て… 天導衆って あれでしょ？
I heard a rumor that the Tendo sect controls the Shogun and is the real power behind the Bakufu!
将軍を取り込むっぽいことして➡
裏から 幕府の実権 握ってるみたいな～ って噂の！
でっけえ声 出すな！ そうだよ｡ その➡
Don't talk so damn loud! And yeah, that's right!
They control the Shogun and are the real power behind the Bakufu!
将軍を取り込んで 裏から 幕府の実権 握ってるﾔﾂらだ！
声でかっ！ つか 断言しちゃってるし｡
You're the one who's loud! And you're making an assertion about the Tendo sect.
その天導衆が仕切ってる ｼﾏに➡
I'm saying that you were meddling in their territory!
ﾃﾒｴらが ちょっかい出したって 言ってんだよ｡
えぇ～っ!? 天導衆が仕切ってる ｼﾏに➡
What?! You say we mixed up with Tendo business?!
ｳﾁが ちょっかい出したって いうんですか!?
Hey, hey, you're so transparent.
あぁ もう しらじらしいやぃ｡ とぼけちゃってさ｡
撃っちゃおうかな～ おじさん 撃っちゃおうかな～｡
I know you're pretending you don't know. How 'bout I shoot you, huh? Should I?
ｱｲﾂら… ｵﾚのいない間に…｡
Th-They did this... While I was gone...
So, we were called in...to be punished?
(近藤)で とっつぁん… ｵﾚたちに お呼びが かかったってことは➡
処罰されるのか？ (松平)ま 向こうにしてみりゃ➡
I bet we're an eyesore for them, but I don't think it will come to that.
ｵﾚたちが目障りなのは 間違いねえだろうが➡
そりゃねえだろ｡
公に そんなﾏﾈすりゃ➡
Doing anything to us publicly will be the same as admitting
煉獄関と関わっていたことを 自ら語るようなもんだ｡
they were involved with the Rengokukan.
むしろ 危険なのは 今…｡
What I would rather concern myself with is that
城に来いとは ただの名目で➡
they called us over to the castle on a pretext, perhaps so they could
ｵﾚたちが ２人 揃ったところを 隠れて…➡
get the two of us together and then - Bam!
ｽﾞﾄﾞﾝ！ なんてことも ありうる｡
Shoot us from a hiding place.
((おとめ座の方 今日 死にま～す！))
Virgos...
are going to die today.
まぁ 攘夷志士の 犯行にでもしとくのが➡
And, they'll say some Anti-Foreigner Faction did it.
都合がいいだろう｡
おｳﾁ 帰るぅ～っ！ なにやってんだ ﾃﾒｴ！
I'm going home!
What are you doing?!
ｲﾔだぁ！ こんなおっさんと 死ぬのは ｲﾔだぁ!!
No! I don't want to die with an ugly old coot like you!
死ぬなら お妙さんのﾋｻﾞまくらで 死ぬ～!!
I want to die with my head on Otae-san's lap!
ﾊﾞｶ野郎！ 武士道とは死ぬことと 見つけなさいよ！
Idiot! Dying is part of the Bushido code!
(近藤)やだ やだ！ 武士道より 剛毛のほうが ﾏｼ！
No way! I prefer more publicity than the Bushido code! I mean, I love it!
(近藤)むしろ 積極的に好き!!
Listen! If we work together, we could reach the castle without dying.
(松平)聞け！ ２人で 力を合わせれば➡
生きて 城まで たどりつけるかもしれねえ｡
(松平)そうなりゃ ｵﾚたちの勝ちよ｡
If we can do that, we'll win! It's not like they'll call us in and kill us. We'll survive!
呼んどいて消すってのは なしだ｡ 助かる！
(近藤)助かる？ (松平)たぶん｡
We'll survive?
Maybe...
Let me go home!
(近藤)おｳﾁ 帰るぅ～！ (松平)おらぁ！
Calm down! Everyone dies, anyway.
落ち着きたまえ｡ 人は皆 いずれ死ぬ｡
大事なのは どう生きるかだ｡
The important thing is how you live your life!
やだ！ 楽しく ｴｯﾁに生きたい！
No! I want to have my life full of joy and girls!
んなもん 運だ 運｡
It all depends on your fortune. Believe in your fortune.
自分の運を信じろ｡
運…｡
Fortune.
とっつぁん… とっつぁんって 何座？
Hey old man... What's your sign?
あん？ おとめ座だけど｡
Huh? Virgo.
What a disaster!
(近藤)さ 最悪だぁ！
It's 100 percent certain that we're going to die! It's a death drive! It's hopeless!
純度100ﾊﾟｰｾﾝﾄ 死に向かってるよ！ ﾃﾞｽﾄﾞﾗｲﾌﾞ！ もうﾀﾞﾒだぁ!!
Calm down! If you don't, I'll snag a booger from your big nose and shove it back up!
(松平)落ち着け！ 落ち着かないと その でけえ鼻から➡
I wanna go home! No!
鼻ｸｿ かっぽじって また その鼻に詰め込むぞ！
うるせえよ！ なんで ｱﾝﾀが おとめ座なんだよ！
Shut up! I can't believe you're a Virgo!
You don't act like one at all!
全然 似合ってねえよ！ おとめ座っちゅうより➡
You must've been born under the sign of the Yakuza!!
ﾔｸ座じゃん｡ もしくは… やっぱ ﾔｸｻﾞじゃん｡
ｵﾒｴに言われたくねえよ ｵﾒｴに｡
I don't want to hear that from you!
今 ここで 星ｸｽﾞにしてやろうか？
Why don't I shoot you into space right now?! You could be a new sign!! Gorilla Major!
さん然と輝く ｺﾞﾘﾗ座にしてやろうか？
(田代)お二人とも 少し落ち着かれては…｡
Y-You two, please calm down...!
…あぁっ！
(急ﾌﾞﾚｰｷ音)
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Look where you're going while you're driving!
(長谷川)おいおい おいおい！
ちょっと どこ見て走ってんの！ 勘弁してよ～｡
Give me a break!
ﾃﾒｴ 殺し屋だろ？ えぇ!?
You're an assassin, aren't you?!
What?!
殺し屋だよな？ 殺し屋って 言ってみんさい｡ 殺し屋だ｡
You're an assassin, right? Say it! I bet you're an assassin.
なに言ってんの ｱﾝﾀ！ ｵﾚは…｡
W-W-What are you talking about?! I'm...
(銃声)
Hey, you!
おい ちょっと ｱﾝﾀ！
What are you thinking?!
(長谷川)いったい なに考えてんだよ!!
(爆発音)
あっ あっ あぁ～…｡
Hey, let me drive now. From here on it's a war zone. You go home.
(松平)おい 運転代われ｡
こっからは 戦場だ｡ お前は 帰れ｡
(田代)は… はい…｡
All...right...
と とっつぁん なにやってんの？
Boss, what are you doing?! He looked like a normal man!
あれ どう見ても 一般人だろ！
ﾊﾞｶ野郎… ﾔﾂぁ ｸﾞﾗｻﾝかけてたろ 殺し屋だ｡
Idiot! He wore sunglasses. So he was an assassin.
えぇ～！ ｸﾞﾗｻﾝかけてるﾔﾂは➡
Eh?!
Anyone who wears sunglasses is an assassin, nine times out of ten.
十中八九 殺し屋だぁ｡
You're wearing them, too!
(近藤)ｵﾒｴも かけてんだろうが！
This is just between you and me...
(松平)お前 これ 絶対言うなよ｡
(松平)｢歌っていいとも｣の ﾀﾓさん いるじゃん｡
You know Tama-san from "Go on, Sing," right?
あの人も 殺し屋だ｡ あと 世界の黒沢と➡
He's also an assassin.
So is the world-famous Kurosawa, Madam Junko and Hama-Sho, detective of the shotgun.
ﾏﾀﾞﾑ順子と ﾊﾏｼｮｰと ｼｮｯﾄｶﾞﾝの部長刑事もだ｡
言うなよ｡ (近藤)言えねえ!!
Don't tell anyone this.
There's no way I could tell anyone that! It's just an old man's stupid imagination!
そんな おっさんの ﾊﾞｶな妄想!!
(男)お～い 生きてたぞ～！
He's still alive!
(さっちゃん) あのぅ… すみません！
Um... Excuse me.
(近藤)おぅ？ (さっちゃん)遅れちゃいました｡
I'm late because I dropped my glasses back there.
ちょっと そこで ﾒｶﾞﾈ 壊しちゃって…｡
誰～？ ｱﾝﾀ～!?
Who the heck are you?!
I don't know. If my glasses break, I won't be able to see anything, I can't even see what I mean.
わからない… ﾒｶﾞﾈ 壊れちゃうと もう 何も見えない わからない！
明日も見えない わからない｡ ちょ… なんとかしなさいよ！
Hey...you need to figure it out...
まぁ 運転手さんのﾍﾟｯﾄですか？
Oh! Are you the driver's pet? Like a gorilla or something? What kind?
何ｺﾞﾘﾗ？ ｺﾞﾘﾗ何？ ｺﾞﾘﾗ･ﾏｰｸⅡですか？
Like that car, Gorilla Mark II?
よしよし ｳｯﾎｳｯﾎ｡
Oh, good boy.
I'm a human.
一応 人間なんですが…｡
(松平)安心しろ… ｺｲﾂは 味方だ｡
Don't worry, she's on our side. Here, Sachan, you get one of these too.
ほ～ら さっちゃん お前も ｺｲﾂ 持っとけってば｡
はぁ？ (松平)昔のなじみでな｡
She's my old friend.
始末屋さっちゃんだ｡
She's a freelance killer, but she used to be an elite Oniwabanshu.
今は ﾌﾘｰの殺し屋だが 元お庭番衆の ｴﾘｰﾄよ｡
殺し屋には 殺し屋ってわけさ｡
To kill an assassin...use an assassin!
(さっちゃん)松平様｡
Matsudaira-sama,
what's this? I can't see clearly.
何すか？ これ… よく見えない｡
おい！ 危ない 危ない！
Hey, watch out!
あっ 仁丹入れ？ 眠気も防げるし➡
Oh? Is this a Jintan dispenser?
They're great for reducing sleepiness and preventing bad breath.
口臭も防げるし いいですよね｡
ｲﾔ！ 息が治るどころか 止まっちゃうから！
No, no! In fact, it stops your breath!
(さっちゃん)変わった形ですね！
It's a weird shape. If I press here, will a Jintan come out?
ここを押したら 仁丹が出るんですか？
(銃声) (近藤)ｷﾞｬｰ!!
Stop! I'll give you something better than a Jintan.
やめろ！ 仁丹より いいものあげるから！
やめて！ さわらないで！
Stop! Don't touch me! I've already given my heart to another!
私には 心に決めた人が いるんだから！
(近藤)もう！ 何しに来たの？ この人～!!
Geez! Why did this ditz have to come with us?
おい 静かにしねえか！ 気が散るだろう｡
Shut up! You're ruining my concentration.
(近藤)あぁっ 危ねえ～っ!! (衝撃音)
W-Watch out!
(衝撃音)
H-Hey! Did we hit something? Boss! You just hit something!! It went flying!!
と とっつぁん！ 何か轢いた 何か轢いた 今 何か轢いたよ！
何か 飛んでったよ～！ (松平)あぁ あれも殺し屋だから｡
Yeah, that was an assassin too.
(近藤)ｳｿつくんじゃねえ！ 明らかに 後付けだろ！
You liar! You just made that up!
人は 皆 何かの犠牲の上に生きる 殺し屋よ｡
Anyone who makes a living from the misery of others is an assassin.
ｵﾒｴは 黙ってろ！
You, shut up!
...Who's this guy? Why is he ordering me around?
なに？ この人… どうして 私に命令するの？
私に命令して 縛っていいのは 世界に一人だけよ！
There's only one person in the world who can order me around or tie me up.
でも なぜかしら？ 厳しい言葉に 心揺らぐ 私がいるの｡
But how strange... I find I love to hear harsh words.
いいから黙って！ お願い!!
Just shut up! Please!
今度は なに？ お願い？ いきなり ﾘﾊﾞｰｽ？
Now what? Now you are begging? You shifted your gear to reverse?
ついていけないわ｡
I can't keep up with you.
But I see you're trying.
でも がんばってみる｡ (近藤)その がんばり➡
I'm not trying. You've got the wrong idea.
ﾍﾞｸﾄﾙ 間違ってるよ！ 思春期の覚えたてのｵｼｬﾚくらい➡
Like a girl who learns how to be stylish when she hits puberty!
間違ってる！
♪♪～
あぁっ！ (桂)ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽを傷つけやがって！
You hurt Elizabeth! I won't forgive you.
無事では 済まさんぞ！
あぁ～っ！ ﾁｨｯ！
やっぱ 来たか 殺し屋｡
Just as I thought...you've come for me, assassin!
♪♪～
(近藤)削れてる 削れてる！ 両側 削れてる!!
We're scraping the wall! Sparks! On both sides of the car!
見たかい？ ｵﾚのﾄﾞﾗｲﾋﾞﾝｸﾞﾃｸﾆｯｸを｡
Do you see my driving technique?
(近藤)ﾃｸﾆｯｸじゃねえよ！ 死のﾋﾟｸﾆｯｸに お出かけだよ！
That's no technique! I felt like we were at a private death picnic!
うるせえんだよ ｵﾒｴはぁ！
Come on, shut up.
おいっ!! 前！ 前見てぇ～!!
Hey! Watch out ahead!
(松平)だいじょうび ｵﾚ ｼｭｰﾏｯﾊだから！
Don't worry, I can drive like Schumacher!
(激突音)
That was close. Just as I expect from an assassin.
(松平)危なかったなぁ｡ さすが 殺し屋だ｡
(近藤)どこ？ 殺し屋 どこ～？
What? Where's the assassin?! That was clearly a one-car accident.
立派な 自損事故でしょ！
The kinder he is, the more he blames himself and the more he hurts himself.
(さっちゃん) やさしい人ほど 自分を責め➡
傷つけずには いられないのね？
どうすんの？ 足 奪われちゃってさ｡
What are you going to do now? We don't have any transportation.
あぁ!? (天人３人)えっほ えっほ…｡
(天人３人)えっほ えっほ えっほ えっほ えっほ…｡
That's...
あれって…｡ 非常事態だ｡
It's an emergency. We should requisition that bicycle.
あの自転車を徴用する｡
あっ！ ちょ 待って！
Wait! I have a bad feeling about that bicycle.
その自転車 なんか ｲﾔな予感しかしない！
お仕置き お仕置きね！ 私も お仕置きされた～い！
Punishment, right? I want to be punished.
お仕置きだべぇ～!!
Punishment!!
ｱﾝﾀも いいかげんにしてぇ～！
Cut it out, already!
♪♪～
(近藤/さっちゃん) えっほ えっほ えっほ…｡
なんか ﾑﾁｬｸﾁｬだよ ﾑﾁｬｸﾁｬ！
What a mess!
こうなったら さっきの人たちのためにも➡
Now we just have to reach the castle safely for the sake of the owners of this bicycle.
意地でも 城に 生きて たどりついてやる！
えっほ えっほ えっほ…｡
なぜかしら？ 目の前が突然➡
Why?
All of a sudden, I see nothing but darkness ahead.
暗黒に包まれてしまったわ｡
Is this a reflection of my soul? Or a picture of my mind?
これは 私の心？ 心の光景？
あ… ﾀﾞﾒ！ さっちゃん 闇にとらわれては…｡
No! Sachan, don't melt into the darkness. Open up! I have to do it by myself.
切り開くのよ！ 自分の力で ｽﾞﾎﾞｯと ﾌﾞｽｯと！
There!
Right there!
えいっ!! (近藤)ああ～っ!!
It disappeared! My darkness disappeared!
(さっちゃん)消えた！ 消えたわ！ 私の闇が!!
(さっちゃん)えっさ ほいさ えっさ ほいさ…｡
I can't stand it. I should've gone home.
(近藤)ｲﾔだ もうﾔﾀﾞ… 帰ればよかった…｡
(信号機の音)
(お登勢)ん？ なんなんだい？ ありゃ｡
What the heck is that?
It's like a washed-up celebrity who thinks she's in Karuizawa.
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)軽井沢辺りと 勘違いしてる ﾌﾟﾁｾﾚﾌﾞ気取りの➡
哀れなﾔﾂらですよ ﾍﾟｯ!!
ﾌﾟﾁｾﾚﾌﾞなら まだ上等だよ｡
A washed-up celebrity would be better.
ｳﾁの２階の下流社会を どうすりゃいいんだか｡
I don't know what I should do about these downtrodden people who live above my bar.
今日も 言いわけばっかり 並べやがって｡
They came up with so many excuses again today.
そろそろ こっちの堪忍袋も限界ですよ｡
But now, I've reached the end of my patience.
って お前が言うんじゃないよ｡ えっ？
That's not something for you to say.
(松平)おい 近藤｡ はい？
Hey, Kondo.
Yes.
(松平)見えるか？ ｱｲﾂら 殺し屋だ｡
Can't you see? They're assassins.
(近藤)えぇっ!? ｲﾔ… それは ねえよ！
What? No way!
(松平)わからねえのか ｵﾒｴには？
You didn't know that? Look at their fearful aura. There's no doubt.
あの すさまじいｵｰﾗ… 違いねえ｡
わかるわ 私にも…｡
I can see it, too.
What?!
えっ？ (さっちゃん)あの動き➡
Those movements...
Only people who carry the weight of sadness on their shoulders do that.
悲しみを背負った者にしか できない 究極奥義よ｡
It's the ultimate esoteric technique.
I can't see it! I don't know! What do you see, guys?!
見えねえよ！ わかんねえよ！ なに見えてんの？ ｱﾝﾀら!!
(松平)やられる前に やるぞ!!
Let's kill them before they kill us!
♪♪～
(お登勢)自転車は 車道 通りな！
Bicycles belong on the road!
(松平)あ… はい｡
All right.
ﾍﾟｯ!! まっ こんなこともあらぁな｡
Things like this just happen.
あるか～っ!! だって 怖かったんだよ！
No way!
It's because I was really scared. I'm an old man who thought he would wet his pants.
おじさん いい歳こいて 漏らすかと思っちゃったもん！
Well, your eyes are all teary.
ｲﾔ… 目から 悲しいのが漏れてるから｡
(ﾋﾖｺの鳴き声)
(ﾊﾀ皇子)おひょおひょひょ… うい ういﾔﾂらじゃのぅ｡
There, there.
(露天商)いくつにします？ 天人のお客さん｡
How many would you like, Amanto-san?
(ﾊﾀ)おひょひょひょ… じい 全部じゃ｡
Jii, all of them. I'll buy everything.
ｺｲﾂら 大人買いじゃ｡
You are a NEET, a loser and a parasite. You're awesome.
(じい)ﾆｰﾄで負け組 かつ ﾊﾟﾗｻｲﾄな お振る舞い➡
みごとでございます｡ おひょひょひょ｡
All right. All right.
よいのぅ！ よいのぅ！
ﾌｯ… 見つけたぞ 殺し屋…｡
I finally found you, assassin.
もういい… もうつっこまねえよ｡
That's enough... I won't say anything else.
なにをする～!? 余は ﾊﾀ皇子であるぞ！
W-What are you doing?! I'm Prince Hata!
はぁ？ ﾊﾞｶ？
Huh? Baka?
Not baka, Hata! Ha-ta. Jii, do something!
ﾊﾞｶじゃない ﾊﾀ！ ﾊ ﾀ！
じい なんとかせい！ はっ｡
Yes, sir.
あのぉ…｡
Umm...
すみませぇん！ 私だけは 助けてください！
I'm sorry! Please just save me!
えっ？ (松平)いいだろう｡
All right. But in exchange, can I take your car?
(松平)代わりに 車 もらってっていいか？
If you save me!
私が助かるなら！ えっ？
おい｡
We don't have time. Hurry.
(松平)時間がねえ 急げ！ (近藤)はい！
All right!
逃がしちゃって よかったんですか？
Why did you let those two go?
さっきの２人｡ あぁ… ｻﾞｺだしな｡
Because they were just small fries.
Hi, you're shopping here, too?
やぁ お買い物ですか！ 奇遇ですねぇ➡
What a surprise to see you in this kind of place.
こんなところで お会いするなんて｡
やっぱり お妙さんとﾎﾞｸは 結ばれる運命なんですね！
As I thought, you and I are destined to be together, Otae-san.
(お妙)あら やだ… 動物園から ｺﾞﾘﾗが逃げ出しているわ｡
Oh, no. A gorilla escaped from the zoo.
早く猟友会に言って 射殺してもらわないと｡
I should call the National Hunting Association and have him shot.
Let's see...The number is..."animal smile extermination."
えぇっと 猟友会は… ﾄﾞｳﾌﾞﾂﾆｺﾆｺﾐﾅｺﾞﾛｼ… っと｡
お妙さん！ それ どこまでｷﾞｬｸﾞ!?
O-Otae-san! Are you kidding me? It's me, Isao! Your Isao!
勲です！ あなたの勲ですよ!!
ｲﾔだわ このｺﾞﾘﾗ！ 威嚇するわ!!
Such a bad gorilla! He's threatening me! Stop acting so sassy toward humans!
人間様に 生意気な！ 思い知らせてやるわ～!!
I'll show you!
♪♪～
((結野ｱﾅ:今日 いちばん ついていない方は➡
Today's worst misfortune is reserved for Virgos. You'll die today.
おとめ座のあなたです｡ 今日 死にま～す！))
死んじゃう…｡
...will die today...
姉上！ それ ｺﾞﾘﾗじゃない!!
Sister! He's not a gorilla! He's Kondo-san! Not a gorilla!
ｺﾞﾘﾗじゃなくて 近藤さんですよ！
あら… 近藤さんじゃありませんか｡
Oh my, if it isn't Kondo-san.
さっきから ずっとそうですよ 姉上！
It was always him, Sis.
I'll shoot you if you don't start driving by the time I count to ten.
10数える間に 運転しねえと 撃つ｡
10｡ (銃声)
Ten.
You even didn't count! I'm sure you didn't!
数えてない！ 数えてなかったよ 今!!
Almost.
惜しい…｡ お妙さん なんか言った!?
Otae-san, what did you just say? How can you say something that bad so easily?
(近藤)ｽﾍﾟｼｬﾙ不吉なこと さくっと言った？
I know! This chuka-don is from Horaiken.
(神楽)わかった！ これは 蓬莱軒の 中華丼！
(神楽)こっちは ｷｯﾁﾝ･ﾊﾞﾝﾋﾞの ﾅﾎﾟﾘﾀﾝｿｰｽ！
This Neapolitan sauce is from Kitchen Bambi.
(神楽)そして まとい寿司の みそ汁 出汁を変えたね！
And this miso soup is from Matoi Suchi. I noticed they've changed the broth.
(ﾑｻｼ)さすがは 神楽ちゃんだ！
You're amazing, Kagura-chan!
ﾌﾝｯ 究極の舌と 呼ぶがよい｡ (銃声)
Call me "Ultimate Tongue."
(松平)ｶﾞｽ欠だぁ？ さては ｷｻﾏが 殺し屋か｡
Running out of gas?! I bet you're an assassin!
そうよ… 知らない間に ｺﾞﾘﾗに入れ替わってるわ｡
Yeah. He turned into a gorilla before we knew it.
とっつぁん 落ち着いて 頼むから！
B-Boss! Please calm down. It's my life's wish!
一生のお願いだから 落ち着いて！
How many "life's wishes" do you have?!
ﾃﾒｴ… 一生のお願いって なんべんあるんだ このぉ！
(近藤)初めて 初めて！ ｱﾀｼ 初めてなのぉ!!
It's my first! My first!
それぇ～っ！ それだぁ～っ!!
There!
That's it!
♪♪～
Whoa!
Roar!! Amazing gorilla power!!
うなれ～っ 驚異のｺﾞﾘﾗﾊﾟﾜｰ!!
Oh, no. He admitted he was a gorilla.
あ～あ… 自分で言っちゃったか ｺﾞﾘﾗって…｡
まぁ 自分が見えてないより 見えてるほうが いいですから｡
Well, it's better for him to realize who he is than never know at all.
By the way, how can you just relax?
って ｱﾝﾀら なに 安らいでんの!?
(ｸﾗｸｼｮﾝ)
ｵﾚから逃げられると思うなよ！
You can't escape from me. Divine retribution!
天誅！
まぁ大きな仁丹…｡
Oh, my! What a giant jintan!
これだけ大きければ 口臭に悩む たくさんの人を救えるわ｡
If it's big like this, it'll save the whole city from bad breath.
(近藤)だぁ～っ！ 爆弾だぁ!! 早く投げろ～っ！
Whoa! A bomb!
Run! Hurry!
(さっちゃん)そういえば ﾒｶﾞﾈ どうしたかしら…｡
By the way, where're my glasses? My glasses...
(さっちゃん)ﾒｶﾞﾈ ﾒｶﾞﾈ…｡
Just throw it!
いいから投げてぇ～っ！
Here we go! Get down everyone!
いくわよ！ みんな 伏せて!!
Huh? Oh? You...
(銀時)ん？ あれ お前…｡
(爆発音)
...Eh? What? My booger? Did my booger do that?!
えっ なに？ ｵﾚの鼻ｸｿか？ ｵﾚの鼻ｸｿが!?
(松平)時間だ｡
It's time.
♪♪～
(松平)警察庁 長官 松平 片栗虎｡
Chief of National Police, Katakuriko Matsudaira.
(松平)真選組 局長 近藤 勲｡
And Shinsengumi chief, Isao Kondo.
(松平)参上つかまつり候！
You summoned us?
Yes. Good.
(天導衆)うむ… よくきた｡
Today, I've called you here because of the incident that occurred the other day.
(天導衆)本日 ぬしらを 呼び出したのは 先日の一件｡
賭け闘技場 煉獄関について 話があって…｡
I'd like to discuss the illegal fight arena, Rengokokan.
(天導衆)ぬしら 何かあったのか？
What happened to you?
Nothing. Just some trouble making doughnuts.
いえ… ﾄﾞｰﾅﾂ作りに失敗しまして｡
(天導衆)ｸｸｸ… また どこぞで 暴れたのではないか？
Got into another fight, again?
(天導衆)お侍は たいそう 勇敢で おられるからな｡
Samurai are simply irrepressible.
(天導衆)なんでも わずか30数人で 煉獄関を鎮圧したとか｡
I've heard only thirty of your men crushed Rengokukan.
(天導衆)近頃の侍ときたら ふぬけばかりというのに➡
There're so many cowardly samurai these days, but you did an awesome job.
立派なものだ｡
Yes...you were quite impressive.
(天導衆)うむ… その働き みごと｡
It's thanks to you we have such a serene balance between Amanto and Earthlings.
天人と地球人 双方の均衡がとれておるのも➡
ぬしらのおかげじゃ… 褒めてつかわす｡
Thank you...
(天導衆)しかし 功を焦りすぎ 先走りはせぬことじゃ｡
But you'd better not get ahead of yourselves and be too eager for success.
(天導衆)正義感も結構だが あたり構わず噛みついていると➡
I understand your sense of justice, but if you bite just anyone,
噛みついた野良犬の尾が➡
you might be biting the tail of a wolf instead of a dog.
狼の尾であった などということにも なりかねん｡
(天導衆)わかるな… あまり勝手に動いていると➡
Do you understand what I'm saying?
Piss off the big guys and they'll wipe you out.
身を滅ぼすことになるぞ｡
(天導衆)もしも 長生きをしたいのなら➡
If you want to have a long life, you'd better learn how to live smart.
利口に生きることも覚えよ｡
(松平)ﾌ～ｯ…｡
なんとか生き残れた…｡
We barely survived...
とっつぁん なんか ｵﾚたち 最初から勘違いしてたんじゃ…｡
Hey, I wonder if we misunderstood their intentions from the beginning...
すさまじい攻勢だったな｡
That was a really fierce fight. One of the top 5 death matches of my life.
ｵﾚの人生の ﾍﾞｽﾄ５に入る 死闘だった…｡
Hey...I think if you hadn't been with me, I would've easily reached the castle.
とっつぁん ｱﾝﾀがいなきゃ 何事もなく➡
平和に 城まで 行けた気がするんだが…｡
Please make this the last time. I have a family.
(松平)こんなことは これっきりにしてくれよな｡
(松平)おじさんだってよ 家庭があるのよ｡
(松平)娘に ｷﾞｬﾙ男の彼氏ができて 大変なんよ…｡
My daughter has a new boyfriend, who is a girly-boy.
それに お前らだって これが最後だぞ｡
This will be the last chance for you.
次に こんなことがありゃ… ｵﾒｴら…｡
If something like this happens again, you're...
あぁ… わかってるよ｡
Yeah...I understand.
とっつぁん いろいろ 迷惑かけて すまなかったな｡
I'm sorry I caused you so much trouble, Boss.
次は ﾊﾞﾚないようにやるさ｡
We'll be more careful next time.
ﾊｯ…｡
わかってりゃいいんだよ｡
As long as you understand.
♪♪～
あっ… そういや 占い…｡
Oh, yeah. The horoscope...
ﾌｯ… やっぱ ﾃﾞﾀﾗﾒだったな｡
Just as I thought, that was a fake horoscope.
なにが おとめ座は死ぬ だよ｡
"Virgos will die", as if!
(近藤)おっ！ あのﾎﾟﾆｰは…｡
That pony is...!
Kagura-chan...
お妙さ～ん！ また会うなんて 奇遇ですねぇ～っ!!
Otae-san! What a coincidence to see you again!
あら ﾎﾝﾄ 奇遇ですこと｡
Oh, yeah! What a surprise!
(近藤)うぎゃあぁ～!!
[Preview]
Whoa! Health, health me!
What's the matter, Kagura?
Something black and shiny is in my room!
Hey, how can you be the strongest girl in space and be scared by something like that?
The next episode: "I Told You to Pay Attention to the News!"
[And a second episode: "Don't Panic - There's a Return Policy!"]
[The enchanted sword known as the "Star Destroyer"! Will the secret of the wooden sword be revealed?!]
Hey, Shimura. Behind you.
Huh? Oh...
[Actual episode is uncensored.]
おい 志村！ 後ろ｡ ん？ …あっ｡