なに言ってんだ 軍曹！
今のままが ﾍﾞｽﾄで かわいいだろうが！
揺るがざる事実だよ｡
っていうかよ～！
お通ちゃんは 猫耳なんか なくても➡
また 揺るがざる事実なわけだよ｡
(ﾀｶﾁﾝ)ｺｲﾂ あれだよ こないだ ﾃﾞﾋﾞｭｰ曲が➡
胸ｸｿ悪ぃ… 何がいいんだよ こんなの｡
耳 取ったら その辺に いそうじゃねえか｡
でも もし お通ちゃんにも 猫耳があったら➡
もっと尋常ではない人気を 博していたに あい違いないよ｡
お通ちゃんの曲 おさえて ｴﾄﾞｺﾝ８位に入ってたな｡
しかし 今の時代 それだけでは やっていけないのも➡
(軍曹)まったくさ｡ 猫耳なんて 邪道だよね｡
ﾀｶﾁ～ﾝ 猫耳が 萌えの対象であることは➡
(軍曹)確かに お通ちゃんは かわいいし 歌唱力も抜群だ｡
(ﾀｶﾁﾝ)期待の新鋭ｱｲﾄﾞﾙ TAMA 猫耳が ｷｭｰﾄ｡
すなわち それを認めるところから 話は始まるわけであって…｡
事実 揺るがされてんのは ｵﾒｴなんじゃねえの？
この前 ｺｲﾂの写真集 ﾃﾒｴが買ってんの見たぞ おい！
ひぃっ！ それは たまたま…｡
"The promising young pop star, TAMA. Her cat ears are so cute..."
ぎゃぁ～っ!!
(隊員たち)隊長！
Wasn't she the one with the debut song that beat out Otsu's?
(新八)軍曹！ 寺門 通 親衛隊 隊規 14条 言ってみろ！
She's the one who pushed Otsu-chan to eighth place on the Edocon, wasn't it?
[Note: Edocon is a parody of the Oricon, a Japanese music sales ranking.]
This makes me sick. What's so great about her?
(軍曹)ｲﾀﾀﾀ…！ 隊員は お通ちゃん以外のｱｲﾄﾞﾙを➡
If she didn't have ears, she'd be just like any typical pop star.
決して 崇拝することなかれ であります｡
Tell me about it. Cat ears are an abomination.
そのとおりだ！
軍曹！ ｷｻﾏは 幹部でありながら これを破った！
But if Otsu-chan had cat ears, her popularity would go through the roof.
よって 鼻ﾌｯｸﾃﾞｽﾄﾛｲﾔｰの刑に処す!!
(乗客)ｲﾔね 最近の若者は｡ いったい なに考えてんのかしら｡
What are you saying, Sergeant?!
Otsu-chan doesn't need cat ears! Right now, she's at her best and her cutest.
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)ちょっと やめてください｡ (松平)な～んで？
Takachin, it's a fact that a large number of people are attracted to cat ears.
１杯 つきあってくれたまえ ねえちゃん！
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)ちょっ… 離して！
In other words, this discussion begins with the acknowledgement of that fact.
おじさんを １人にしないでちょ～｡
ﾜｼは ただ ｸﾞﾁを聞いてほしいだけだよ｡
Indeed, Otsu-san is cute and has a beautiful voice.
ｲﾔね 今度は 酔っ払いよ｡
But it's an undeniable fact that these qualities alone are not enough to sustain an idol in times like these.
これだから 最近の大人は…｡ 世も末だわ｡
でもって～ やべえんだわさ～｡ ｵﾚの部下ってのが➡
Aren't you the one who's denying the facts?!
どいつもこいつも 揃いも揃って 無能な連中でさ～｡
I saw you buying TAMA's photo collection.
おまけに 娘がよ～｡ 寄らないで！ くさい～！
ﾃ ﾃﾒｴ…！ くせえはねえんじゃねえの？
Th-That was just...
やめて～！ ちょっと！
President!!
誰か！ 誰か助け…！
President!!
Sergeant!! Tell me what Article 14 of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club Regulations is!!
M-Members shall worship no other idols, but Otsu!!
(足音)
That's exactly right!!
な～にが 猫耳だ｡
Sergeant!! You were one of the club's top officials, but you broke this regulation!
ｳﾁの下にもな 猫耳が住んでるけど あんなもん 獣人だぞ！
Therefore, you will receive the Nose Hook Destroyer as punishment!
猫耳なんて ｸｿくらえじゃ！
Honestly. Young people these days... What are they thinking?
なにが 萌えだ！
猫耳なんて 燃やしちまえばいいんだ！
Hey! Stop.
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)あの…｡ なんだぁ!? 今 取り込み中だ!!
Come on.
Have a drink with me, toots.
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)あの… 助けていただいて ありがとうございます｡
Hey, let go.
Don't ignore me, sweet cheeks. I just want you to listen to me.
勇気のある方なんですね｡ とってもｽﾃｷでした｡
Honestly. A drunk now? Adults these days... What's this world coming to?
Stop! Let go of me!
《猫耳なんて…｡
猫耳なんて…》
I'm really in a jam. My subordinates are all useless. And my daughter...
《猫耳なんて 萌えちまえ～～っ!!》
Stop. Get away from me. You stink!
There's no need to say that.
Stop!
Hey...
No! Someone!! Somebody, help me!
Who cares about cat ears?
There's a girl with cat ears...
living downstairs from us. Her room smells like a litter box!
I don't give a crap about cat ears!! Who cares about fetishes?! All cat ears should be burned!!
Umm...
What is it?! I'm busy right now!!
Umm, thank you for saving me.
You sure are brave. That was very chivalrous of you.
Cat ears should...
Cat ears should be adored!!
[Shinpachi saved a lovely cat-eared girl on the train!!]
[How will this otaku's love turn out? Isn't it a little late for a story like this?]
["Love Doesn't Require a Manual"]
Shin-chan.
(お妙)新ちゃん… 新ちゃん そこ 鼻の穴よ｡
Shin-chan, those are your nostrils.
(お妙)なに？ それは 私の料理なんて食えるかという➡
What is that? Is that your silent way of telling me you won't eat my cooking?
無言の抵抗？ いや 違います｡
No... It's not like that. Sorry... I was spaced out.
すみません ﾎﾞｰｯとしてて…｡
どうしたの？ 新ちゃん｡ 近頃 ちょっと変よ｡
What's wrong, Shin-chan? You've been acting strange lately.
銀さんからも聞いてるのよ 最近 ﾂｯｺﾐが冴えないって｡
I heard from Gin-san that your witty comments are loosing their edge.
しっかりしないと ﾀﾞﾒよ｡ あなたが つっこまないと➡
You've got to get a hold of yourself.
If you don't play the straight man, then this whole world will implode from an excess of funny men.
この世界は ﾎﾞｹが飽和して 崩壊してしまうんだから｡
すみません｡
Sorry...
Honestly... Don't apologize. You were supposed to make a comment there.
(お妙)もう… すみませんじゃなくて➡
今のも つっこむところでしょ｡
You should've said something like "Dude! It's jokes like those that are destroying the world!"
｢お前の発言が 世界を崩壊させるわ！｣とか｡
Sorry... I'll say it now.
すみません… じゃあ 今から やります｡
お前の発言が…｡
Dude, it's jokes-
Who are you calling a "dude"?!
誰が お前だ!!
《あぁ… ﾎﾞｸは いったい どうしてしまったんだ？
What's wrong with me?
あれから あの娘の顔が 頭から離れない｡
Ever since then, that girl's face won't leave my head.
My heart aches. It's painful...
なんか もう 胸が痛い｡ しんどい｡
No matter what I do, I can only think of that cat-eared girl...
何をやっても 思い浮かぶのは あの 猫耳の娘の顔ばかり｡
I never thought I would have feelings for a girl who's not Otsu-chan...
お通ちゃん以外の異性に こんな感情を抱くなんて…➡
恐るべし 猫耳｡
Cat ears really are formidable.
No, no, no, no, no!!
いかん いかん いかん いかん!!
I have only Otsu-chan. I won't ever cheat on her.
ﾎﾞｸは お通ちゃん一筋だ！ 浮気なんて 絶対にしない!!》
((あの… ぜひ お礼がしたいんで➡
Umm... I'd like to repay your kindness. Can I have your address?
住所とか 教えていただけませんか？))
《あんなこと言ってたけど ﾎﾝﾄかな？
She said that, but was she telling the truth?
How is she going to repay me? Does she want to marry me?
お礼って何だろ？ もしかして 私をもらって的な…｡
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!!
いかん いかん いかん いかん いかん!!
I am Captain Shinpachi Shimura of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club!!
ﾎﾞｸは 寺門 通 親衛隊 隊長 志村 新八だ！
浮気なんて 絶対 許されない!!
I cannot be unfaithful!
[Odd Jobs Gin]
くだらない夢をみるのは やめよう｡
I must stop having silly daydreams.
Nothing so sweet as this has ever come up during the sixteen years I've been alive.
今まで 16年間 生きてきて そんな おいしい話は なかった｡
足元を見ろ｡ 自分に見合った夢をみろ｡
Keep both feet on the ground. Dream appropriate dreams.
Yes...
そう… ﾎﾞｸみたいな冴えない男に…》
A guy as unexciting as me doesn't...
Good morning!
おはようございます｡
Meow!!
(神楽)ﾆｬｱ～～ｵ！
What do you think of this, Gin-chan? Don't you think this is a good look?
どうこれ 銀ちゃん！ かっこいくね？
Hey, don't put those on without permission.
(銀時)おいおい あんまり 勝手にいじるんじゃねえよ｡
They're for Shinpachi. Put it back in the box, right away.
それ 新八宛てだぞ｡ 箱に戻しとけ｡ ﾍﾟﾍﾟﾍﾟｨ！
なにさ！ 銀ちゃんだって➡
But you're eating the cake that was in the box.
勝手に 中に入ってたｹｰｷ 食べてるくせにさ｡
いいんだよ 食いもんは｡
Food is fine. The evidence is destroyed once it's in your stomach.
胃袋に入れとけば 証拠隠滅できんだろ｡
あ やべっ そろそろ 新八 来るな｡ 戻そ｡
Oh, oh no. Shinpachi's going to be here any minute. I'd better put it back.
あっ ずるいよ！ 私 まだ ひと口も食べてないね｡
Hey! That's not fair. I still haven't had a bite yet.
Wow. This is good.
わ～お ﾏｲﾙﾄﾞ｡
Aww... That's not good.
あ～ お前 ﾀﾞﾒだって｡
You've ruined my plan to eat it in a way that would make it seem as if it was always like this.
お前よ なんか 最初から こんな感じだった的な➡
食べ方をした ｵﾚの計画が ｸﾞﾀﾞｸﾞﾀﾞじゃねえか｡
しようがねえな｡ もうちょっと ここ削ろう｡
Oh well. I'll take a bit off here. You help, too.
お前も手伝え｡ (神楽)うん｡
Okay.
丸い感じな｡ 丸い ちっちゃいｹｰｷを作る感じな｡
Make it round. Make it a small round cake.
Okay.
(神楽)うん｡ そういう丸じゃなくて➡
No, not round like that, make it cylindrical...
円柱っぽく～｡ (神楽)うん｡
Okay.
銀ちゃん やばいよ｡ ﾎﾟｯﾁｰなみの はかなさｱﾙ｡
Gin-chan, this is bad. This looks as short-lived as a pochi.
[Note: Pochi is a parody of Pocky, a Japanese snack.]
ﾎﾟｯﾁｰが なぜ うまいか 知ってるか？
Do you know why pochi tastes so good? It's because it's short-lived.
それは はかないからだよ｡
Oh? So that's why Yakulko tastes so good.
[Note: Yakulko is a parody of Yakult, a probiotic drink.]
そうか～ だから ﾔｸﾙｺも おいしいｱﾙか｡
人生もまた然りだよ｡ よし じゃあ 片づけるぞ｡
It's the same as life.
All right. Let's put this away.
お前らなぁ!!
I'll put you away!!
What are you doing, opening other people's mail?!
なに 人の郵便物 勝手に開けてんの！
人には やっていいことと 悪いことがあるでしょうが！
There are things people should and shouldn't do!!
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow... Shinpachi.
ｱﾀﾀﾀ… 新八～ お前 いるなら いるって言えよ｡
If you were there, you should say so. Was this some sort of trap?
そして ｵﾚたちを踊らせて 楽しんでたわけか？
That's underhanded. You're terrible!
(神楽)陰湿ね！ 最低ｱﾙ！
You're the ones who are underhanded and terrible!!
陰湿で最低なのは ｵﾒｴらだよ！
あの… あれ だから…｡
Umm... Well, we didn't see anything. We just ate your cake.
別に 何も見てないから｡ ｹｰｷ食べただけだから｡
Yeah. We didn't read the letter or anything.
うん 別に 手紙とか見てないよ｡ 手紙？
Letter?!
あの これ…➡
Umm... Here.
It's a little ripped, but don't get the wrong idea. It came like that.
ちょっと破けてっけど 違うよ｡
最初から なんか こんなんだった｡ 別に 中とか見てないから｡
We didn't look inside.
(神楽)うん 別に ﾃﾞｰﾄとか知らないよ｡
Yeah. We don't know anything about your date.
ﾃﾞｰﾄ!? ｱﾎ～！
Date?!
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)｢先日 お世話になったお礼に➡
In appreciation for your help the other day,
私なりに 志村さんに 似合いそうなものを選んで➡
I've sent you something that I believe will suit you.
お送りさせて頂きました｡
It's not much, but I'd be happy if you wore it.
つまらないものですが 身につけてくれると嬉しいです｡
If it's possible, I'd like to see you again, so I can properly thank you.
もしよろしければ もう一度 お会いして➡
改めて お礼が言いたいのですが➡
気が向いたらでいいので ご連絡ください｡
Contact me when you feel like it.
お電話待っております｡ ｴﾛﾒｽ｣
I'll be waiting for your call. Eromesu.
[Note: Eromesu is a pun on Hermes (the female lead in Train Man), only in this case, "ero" for erotic and "mesu" for female cat.]
《ｳｿ！ あの子だ！ ｳｿ!?
No way! It's that girl!! No way! She wants to meet me? On a date?
今度会いたいって これって ﾃﾞｰﾄ!?
どどどど どうしよう！ ﾃﾞｰﾄなんてしたことないから➡
W-W-W-W-What should I do?! I've never been on a date before.
なにをしていいか… いや待て！
I don't know what to do... Wait! That aside, is this really a date?
その前に ﾎﾝﾄにこれ ﾃﾞｰﾄなのか？
いや 待て！ ﾃﾞｰﾄと仮定したとして➡
Wait! Should I go on the assumption that this is a date?
ﾎﾞｸは それに行っていいのか？
I'm the captain of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club...
寺門 通 親衛隊 隊長のﾎﾞｸが… いや待て！
Wait! Tsu Terakado's totally beyond my reach!
ｱｲﾄﾞﾙなんて追っかけたところで 所詮 高嶺の花｡
今 目の前に転がるﾁｬﾝｽを みすみす逃すつもりか！
Am I going to pass up a real girl for a fantasy?
Wait! That aside, is this really a date?!
いや待て！ その前に ﾎﾝﾄにこれ ﾃﾞｰﾄなのか？
いや待て！ これは 断じて浮気ではない！
No, wait! I'm not being unfaithful at all! This is just research!
これは 調査だ！ 軍曹がやられた 猫耳というﾔﾂの恐ろしさを➡
The Sergeant was bewitched by cat ears.
身をもって体感し 今後 二度と あのような悲劇が起きぬよう➡
I must investigate and experience their terror first hand so such a tragedy will never happen again!
調査する必要がある！ そう これは 調査!!
Yes! This is just research!
しかし 残念ながら ﾎﾞｸの恋愛経験値は ｾﾞﾛ！
Unfortunately, I have no experience in love!
猫耳を体感する前に こちらが 撃ち落される恐れは 高い！》
There's a strong possibility that...
I'll be shot down before I experience cat ears.
((うわぁ～～!!))
I need a manual!!
《ﾏﾆｭｱﾙが必要だ！
It's not as if I want her to like me. This is research! I need a manual...
いや 別に好かれたいとか そういうんじゃなくて➡
調査だから これは！ 誰か経験豊富な人に➡
From someone who has a lot of experience!
ﾏﾆｭｱﾙを伝授してもらわねば！
しかし 銀さんは ただれた恋愛しか➡
But Gin-san looks like he's never had a wholesome romantic encounter in his life,
したことなさそうだし 神楽ちゃんにいたっては➡
and Kagura-chan is just a girl who eats a lot.
ただの大食い娘｡
姉上もｷｬﾊﾞｸﾗで働いてるくせに 恋愛に関しては ｽﾞﾌﾞの素人｡
Sis works at a cabaret bar, but she's a complete amateur at love.
She says that she's going to protect her chastity until she gets married,
結婚するまで 貞操を守ると言っているが➡
結婚自体 ﾑﾘだろう｡
but she'll probably never get married.
他は… あれ？
Aside from them... Huh?
ﾎﾞｸの周りに 相談できそうなﾔﾂ…》
Someone close to me that I can confide in...
１人もいねえ～～っ!!
There isn't anyone?!
[Train Samurai]
[Note: This is a parody of Train Man (Densha Otoko)]
《電車で 痴漢から 女の子を助けたら➡
I saved a girl from a drunken molester on the train
お礼がしたいから 会いたいと言われました｡
and I'm meeting her because she says she wants to thank me.
これは ﾃﾞｰﾄなんですか？
Is this a date?
And what goes on during a date?
そして ﾃﾞｰﾄとは いかようなものですか？
こうなったら 近くのﾊﾞｶより 遠くの一般人だ｡
In this case, regular people from far away are better than the idiots nearby.
ｶﾗｸﾘは ちょっと苦手だけど しかたない｡
I'm not good with computers, but I have no choice.
ここでなら いろんな人の意見が聞けるし➡
I can ask for opinions from all sorts of people here...
[Internet Teahouse]
なにより 恋愛の話なんて➡
Furthermore, I can't talk to the people I know about love...
顔見知りには 照れくさくてできないからな》
[Samurai Chat Room]
Because it's too embarrassing.
《おっ さっそく 書き込みが…｡
Oh! There's a message already.
Amazing. People are actually reading my message.
すごいな ﾎﾝﾄに 見てくれてる人がいるんだ》
ﾊﾝﾄﾞﾙﾈｰﾑ ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍？
Online name: Fruit Punch Samurai?
｢電車侍… ここは恋愛を語る 女々しき場ではない｡
Train Samurai, this is not a sissy chat room where people discuss love.
侍たちが 信念を叫ぶ場なり｡
This is a place where samurai declare their beliefs.
板違いだ 即刻立ち去れ！｣
You're on the wrong board. Leave immediately.
《うわっ すごい怒ってるよ！ ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍なのに…｡
Whoa! He's really angry.
With a name like Fruit Punch Samurai, too...
すみません ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍さん｡
Sorry, Fruit Punch Samurai-san.
I'm not really good with this stuff.
ﾎﾞｸ こういうの ﾎﾝﾄに得意じゃなくて…｡
でも ﾎﾝﾄに悩んでいるんです｡
But I'm really worried about this.
力になってくれませんか？ ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍さん》
Could you please help me, Fruit Punch Samurai-san?
(桂)｢ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍じゃない！ 桂だ！｣
I'm not Fruit Punch Samurai!! I'm Katsura!
《ﾊﾝﾄﾞﾙﾈｰﾑの意味ねえ～!!
Then what's the point in using a screen name?! And it's someone I know!!
…つうか 思いっきり知ってる人だし！
なにやってんだよ あの人！ こんな掲示板で…！
What the hell is he doing on this message board?
[Fruit Punch Samurai. Occupation: Terrorist]
ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍ってなんだよ？》
What is a fruit punch samurai anyway?!
Commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku, commit seppuku...
《うわっ… すげえ敵意むき出しだよ！
Fruit Punch Samurai is really getting hostile!
ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍！ なんて ｲﾔな野郎だ｡
What a jerk. I'd like to fruit punch him right through the screen.
ﾓﾆﾀｰ 突き抜けて 殴りにいきたい！》
《あっ 新しい人だ｡
Oh, a new person. Fallen Angel Samurai?
まるで堕天使な お侍さん？》
｢ちょっと いい加減にしなさいよ｡
Hey, cut it out. This is a free board where samurai can talk about anything.
ここは 侍であれば 何でも語っていい自由な掲示板よ｡
ちなみに私は 剣術小町と呼ばれてる➡
By the way, I'm a beautiful, slutty and flirty female swordsman. I'm known as the Fencing Beauty.
美人でｽｹﾍﾞな 尻軽女剣士です！｣
《女の人だ！ この人なら聞いてくれるかも｡
A woman. She might listen to me.
まるで堕天使なお侍さん｡ ﾎﾞｸは 彼女いない歴16年の➡
Fallen Angel Samurai-san, I'm a pathetic man who has never had a girlfriend in sixteen years.
まるで ﾀﾞﾒな男です｡
I don't know how to deal with women.
女の子との付き合い方が わかりません｡
What should I do? I'd appreciate your feminine opinion.
どうすればいいですか？ 女性の意見をうかがいたいです》
｢ｳﾌﾝ！ かわいい坊やね｣
What a cute boy.
(長谷川)｢いいわ おねえさんが 手取り足取り教えてあげる｣
Fine, I'll teach you everything.
ﾌﾞﾊ！ ﾌﾞﾊﾊ！ ﾊﾞｶだよ ｺｲﾂ！
This guy's an idiot. He thinks I'm a woman.
女だと 思ってるよ！
[Fallen Angel Samurai. Occupation: Part-time worker]
Hey! Just work the register.
(客)おい！ いいから 早く ﾚｼﾞやれよ！
Would you like to meet me offline?
｢どう 今度 ｵﾌで会わない？｣
《うわっ なんだよこの人？ なんか気持悪いな》
Woah! What's with her? She's kind of creepy.
(近藤)｢待ち合わせ場所は どこにしますか？｣
Where do you want to meet?
食いついたよ！ ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍！
Fruit Punch Samurai guy went for it!!
ここは 侍が 信念語る場じゃないのかよ！
Wasn't this a place for samurai to discuss their beliefs?!
｢うそじゃあ ﾎﾞｹｪｪ てめーは一生 ｴﾛｻｲﾄでも見てろ｣
I'm a guy, you moron! Wallow in porn for rest of your life!!
｢切腹しろ 切腹しろ 切腹しろ…｣
Just kill yourself. Just kill yourself. Just kill yourself...
《何してるの？ この人たち…｡
What are they doing?
Huh?! Looking closely...
よく見たら ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍じゃないぞ！》
[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]
["Punch" is "ponchi" in Japanese. "Ponchi" spelled backwards is "Chinpo" which means "penis."]
It's not Fruit Punch Samurai.
Commander, bad news.
(山崎)局長！大変です！
Matsudaira has been arrested for sexual harassment on the train.
松平のとっつあんが 痴漢の容疑で捕まりました！
(近藤)今 仕事中だ！ 後にしろ！
I'm busy right now! Tell me later!
[Fruit Chinpo Samurai. Occupation: Shinsengumi Special Police]
《桂:ｷｻﾏ 何者だ!?
[Fruit Punch Samurai]
Who are you?!
You're using a name that's almost the same as mine, you horrible swine!
ｵﾚと ほぼ違わぬ名を名乗るとは 不届き者めぇ！》
It's confusing. Change your name right now!!
[Fruit Chinpo Samurai]
《まぎらわしいんだよ 改名しろ!!》
《おい～！ すげえ 不毛な争いしてるよ！
Commit seppuku!
Hey! Gee how old are these dopes?
You commit seppuku!
No, you commit seppuku!
No, you!
あ～… やっぱりﾀﾞﾒだ｡
Aw, this is hopeless.
こんな 他人に無関心な冷たい時代に➡
In this day and age, people are so indifferent with each other.
ﾎﾞｸの小さな悩みなんて➡
No one's going to listen to my petty woes.
聞いてくれる人 いるわけないよな｡
つくづく 自分がｲﾔになるよ｡
I'm really beginning to hate myself.
なんでも人に聞かないと 動くことができない➡
I'm an unimaginative dweeb who can't make a move without getting advice from other people.
ﾏﾆｭｱﾙ人間なんだ ﾎﾞｸは…｡
ﾎﾞｸみたいなﾔﾂに➡
A person like me has no right to fall in love.
恋愛なんてする資格はない…》
[Silver Samurai]
Train Samurai, what are you so afraid of?
｢電車侍 お前は 何にそんなに臆する？
何がそんなに怖い!?｣
Why are you so scared?
Could it be...?
《まさか…》
Are you afraid your date is going to fail? Are you afraid of being rejected?
ﾃﾞｰﾄで失敗するのが怖いか？ ﾌﾗれるのが怖いか？
傷つくのがそんなに怖いか この野郎！｣
Are you that afraid of getting hurt?
《えっ？ 銀さん…！
Gin-san... Why? How do you know about this?
なんで こんな… なんで知ってるんだよ！
まさか ここにいるのか？
Can it be? Are you here?
There are two things people are afraid of: death and embarrassment.
｢人間が恐れるものは２つある｡ それは 死と恥だ｡
死を 乗り越えようとするなんてのは➡
Only fools try to overcome death.
ﾊﾞｶがやることだ｡ だが 恥を乗り越えようとするﾔﾂを➡
But it takes real guts to conquer embarrassment.
ｵﾚは 笑わねえ｡ ｵﾚは そういうﾊﾞｶが好きだ｡
That's my kind of fool.
思いっきりぶつかってこい！ 電車侍！
Go get her...
Train Samurai. Tackle it head-on...
恥をかいてこい 電車侍！
Train Samurai. Make a fool of yourself.
恥をかいた分だけ お前は きっと強くなるぞ｡
It will make you stronger. Go...
いけ！ 電車侍！
Train Samurai!
By the way, I, Gin-san, got a cute girlfriend by doing that.
ちなみに ｵﾚこと銀さんも…｣ 《さっちゃん:そういう感じで➡
かわいい彼女をｹﾞｯﾂしたぜ この野郎｡
She's an assassin. She wears glasses and is really good looking.
彼女の職業は 始末屋｡ ﾒｶﾞﾈっ娘で ｽﾀｲﾙ抜群｡
She's incredibly cute. Seriously. She's begging by my side right now. Heart.
ｽｹﾞｰ ｶﾜｲｲから ﾏｼﾞで｡ 今も ｵﾚの横で ｸｩ～ﾝと➡
おねだりして待ってます｡ この野郎 ﾊｰﾄ｡
[Silver Samurai. Occupation: Assassin]
By the way, anyone who sees this message
ちなみに この書き込みを見た人は➡
さっちゃんと銀さんは 付き合っている➡
has to make 10,000 posts in the thread titled "Sachan is going out with Gin-san."
という書き込みを １万件書き込まないと➡
４日後の夜12時 さっちゃんに始末されます｡
If not, Sachan will kill you four days later at midnight. This is no joke.
これは 本当です！ 実際 私の友達は➡
One of my friends went missing on the fourth day after reading this.
これを見た四日後に 行方不明になりました》
Are you serious?!
(２人)ﾏｼﾞでかぁ～～！
《あのﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁさん 見てますか？
Umm... Fruit Punch, did you see that?
もし見てたら あの 協力して5,000件ずつ➡
If you did, well, maybe we should work together...
We could each write 5,000 messages!
分け合えませんか？》
Good idea. We need to discuss the details.
《御意 いろいろ打ち合わせも 必要だろうから➡
一度 実際お会いしましょう｡
Why don't we meet in person. Tomorrow at 1:00 PM.
明日の午後１時に 家康像の前で待っています》
I'll be waiting in front of the Ieyasu statue.
《わかりました！ じゃあﾎﾞｸは 左手に➡
All right. I'll have fruit punch in my left hand.
ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁを持っていくんで ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁさんは➡
You wait there with fruit punch in your right hand.
右手にﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁを持って 立っていてください！》
《御意！》
All right.
No!!
(２人)のわあぁ～!!
ｺｫ～～ｯ!!
おいおい 戦争にでも 行くつもりですか？ ｱｲﾂは｡
Hey, does he think he's going to war?
１人だけ ｵｰﾗが違うよ｡
He sure is giving off a weird vibe.
I see. So this is why he was acting strange.
なるほどねぇ 最近 様子がおかしかったのは➡
こういうことだったのねぇ｡
According to the letter, the girl should be showing up any minute now.
手紙によると そろそろ 女も 来る時間ね｡
まぁ そういうこった…｡
So that's that. Feel better now? Let's go and let them have their date.
これで安心したろ ｼﾞｬﾏ者は 退散するとしようや｡
No. That girl may one day bear the Shimura family's future heir. I want to see her with my eyes.
ｲﾔです 未来の志村家の➡
跡取りを産むかもしれない 娘ですよ｡
この目で 見定めます｡
You're getting hasty. You're acting like a sister-in-law.
気が はえんだよ！ 今から小姑臭が ﾌﾟﾝﾌﾟﾝするぜ｡
(お妙)もし その娘が ｢けん｣という名前だったら➡
What would you do if that girl's name was Ken?
[Note: Ken Shimura is a Japanese comedian.]
どうするんですか!?
It would be the birth of a great comedian.
一人の偉大なｺﾒﾃﾞｨｱﾝが 誕生してしまうのよ｡
いねえよ！ ｢けん｣なんて名前の女！
No woman is named Ken!
Oh! Here she comes!
あっ！ それっぽいの 来たｱﾙ!!
志村さ～ん！
Shimura-san!
ﾊｧ ﾊｧ… ごめんなさい｡
Sorry.
なんか… 待たしちゃったみたいで…｡
It seems I made you wait...
(お妙)ちょ… なにあれ？
Hey... What is that?
(お妙)猫耳じゃないの！ 聞いてないわよ あんなの｡
They're cat ears!! I never heard anything about that!
あれだよ あれ… 愛は星をも超えるってﾔﾂ？
Well, love transcends even the stars.
冗談じゃないわよ！ 私は猫が大嫌いなの！
No way! I hate cats! I'm a dog person!
犬派なんです！ 待て 待て！
Wait, wait.
Dogs and cats are pretty similar. Those might actually be dog ears.
犬も猫も 似たようなもんだろ｡
もしかしたら あれも 犬の耳かもしれんよ 実際｡
犬だったら 犬で 志村家に嫁いだ犬➡
If she's a dog, then she's a dog that's been wed to the Shimura family.
[Note: The Japanese character for dog can be read as "ken."]
志村犬の誕生だろうが！
It would be the birth of Ken Shimura!!
Who knows? Maybe she'll drop a whole litter of Shimura pups!
なに その強引な誕生のさせ方！ 遺伝子革命!?
ﾃﾒｴは 結局 弟離れ できてねえんだよ！
In the end, you're still way too attached to your brother!
ｵﾚは てっきり 新八のほうに その気があると思ってたが➡
I always thought it was Shinpachi who couldn't break free from you.
とんでもねえ！ ﾌﾞﾗｺﾝは ｵﾒｴのほうだったよ！
But...now I get it! You have a brother complex!
Who are you calling a burakon?!
[burakon= brother complex]
(お妙)誰が ﾌﾞﾗｺﾝよ！
I'm not an easy woman who can be controlled by a remote!
(お妙)私は ﾘﾓｺﾝで 操作できるような➡
都合のいい女じゃ ありません！ それ ﾗｼﾞｺﾝだろうが！
[rajikon= "radio control"]
That's a rajikon!!
Umm, Fruit Punch Samurai-san?
あの… ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍さん？ えっ？
(近藤)なんだ 隣にいたんじゃないですか！
Oh, you were right next to me.
いや 左手って言ってたのに 右手にﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ 持ってたから…｡
You told me you were going to hold your fruit punch in your left hand, but you were holding it in your right.
Oh, sorry. I was thinking about it from the viewer's point of view.
(近藤)あぁ すみません 見た側の気持で考えてました｡
いや… 電脳空間では いろいろ失礼した｡
Well, sorry for being so rude in cyber space. I'm Fruit Punch Samurai.
私が ﾌﾙｰﾂﾎﾟﾝﾁ侍です｡
しかし えらいことに なりましたな…｡
This is a nightmare. How can we possibly write 10,000 in three days?
３日で１万件も どう さばきましょう｡
私が ﾌﾙｰﾂﾁﾝ…｡
Oh, I'm Fruit C...
(叫び声)
[Blue Sky Cafe]
Here's your lemon tea. Enjoy.
(ｳｴｰﾄﾚｽ)こちら ﾚﾓﾝﾃｨｰになります｡
ごゆっくりどうぞ｡
Following them to a place like this...
しかしよぉ… こんなところまで つけ回して…｡
人の色恋沙汰に あんまり 首 突っ込むのは➡
Isn't it kind of boorish to stick our necks into someone else's love life?
ﾔﾎﾞなんじゃねえのか？
I am being quiet! Scandals are achieved through legwork!!
Be quiet!! The future of the Shimura family is at stake.
黙ってて！ 黙ってるよ！
志村家の将来がかかってるんです｡ ｽｷｬﾝﾀﾞﾙは 足で勝ち取るよ！
Shut up. Don't talk at the same time!!
うっせえ！ お前ら 同時に しゃべんな！
Who are those people?
なにかしら あの人たち…｡
新八さん…？
Shinpachi-san?
That's your eye, Shinpachi-san.
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)新八さん そこ 目です 新八さん！
うぎゃあっ！ あっ！ 新八さん!!
Sh-Shinpachi-san!!
Are you all right? What's wrong? Did you get burned?
大丈夫ですか？ どうしたんです？
ﾔｹﾄﾞとか してません？
N-No. I'm all right.
あっ うん… 大丈夫｡
《全然 大丈夫じゃないよ…｡
No, I'm not all right...
ｷﾐの熱烈視線で ﾎﾞｸのﾊｰﾄは もう 丸焦げだ…｡
Your fervent gaze has scorched my heart.
What's wrong?
ｸｿｫ… 汚いぞ 猫耳！
Crap! That's dirty, you cat-eared girl.
なんで こんなかわいい娘に➡
Why are such cute things on such a cute girl? They're like a secret weapon.
こんなかわいいものが ついてるんだ！
兵器だよ これは ある意味…｡
Well, this one is a weapon in a different kind of way.
いや… こっちも 違う意味で 兵器だけど…｡
軍曹！ 今なら 猫耳に 走った お前の気持が➡
Sergeant! Right now, I understand why you fell for cat ears.
ﾎﾞｸにも わかるぞ！ 猫耳は すごい！ 猫耳ﾊﾞﾝｻﾞｲ！
Cat ears are amazing! Praise cat ears!
ﾎﾞｸは ﾊﾞｶ野郎だ… 何も わかっちゃいなかった！
I'm an idiot!! I didn't understand anything.
殴られなきゃいけないのは ﾎﾞｸのほうだったんだ 軍曹！
I was the one who needed to get hit, Sergeant.
とんだ卑怯者だよ ﾎﾞｸは…｡
I'm a coward. I really have no right to be doing this.
ﾎﾝﾄは こんなところで こんなことする資格なんて➡
ないのに…》
Umm, Shinpachi-san.
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)あの… 新八さん｡
Thank you very much for the other day.
この前は 本当に ありがとうございました｡
I never thought you would come. I'm really happy.
私 まさか 来てくれると 思ってなかったから➡
すごく嬉しいです｡
I wanted to meet you and thank you... Or rather, I actually... Once more...
一度 ちゃんと会って お礼をと…➡
あっ お礼っていうか ﾎﾝﾄは あの…➡
あなたに もう一度…｡
そこ 目ですよ…｡ えっ!?
That's your eye.
Huh? Oh no! What am I doing?!
やだっ 私ったら なにやってるのかしら…｡
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)ごめんなさい どうしたのかしら…｡
Sorry. What's gotten into me?
おかしいなぁ… なんだか私 ﾄﾞｷﾄﾞｷしてるみたい｡
That's odd.
My heart's racing.
ﾃﾍｯ！
《やめろぉ～！ やめてくれぇ～っ!!
Stop! Please stop making such cute gestures!!
そんなかわいいしぐさをするな！
ﾄﾞﾂﾎﾞついてきやがる…｡
It's getting to me. You're hitting all my pressure points like a chiropractor.
整体師なみの正確さで ﾄﾞﾂﾎﾞついてきやがる！》
なにやってんの？
What are you doing?
You're wearing the cat ears I gave you. I'm glad. I took the time to pick them out.
私が贈った猫耳 つけてくれてるんですね｡
嬉しい！ 私 一生懸命 選んだんです｡
It was always my dream to walk with someone I admired wearing matching clothes.
私 憧れの人と ﾍﾟｱﾙｯｸで歩くのが 夢だったんです！
あっ… 言っちゃった｡
Oh! I said it...
(破壊音)
What are you doing? Hey... Cut it out.
なにしてんの？ ちょっと いいかげんにしてくんない？
あの 聞いてま…｡
Umm... Are you lis...
What is this? What is this feeling?!
なにこれ!? なに この気持！
That girl is making me really annoyed!
なんか ｲﾗｲﾗするんですけど あの娘！ どうしたらいいの!?
What should I do?! What should I do?!
私は どうしたらいいの!?
There's something black in my heart! Get rid of it! Purge the darkness!
胸ん中に なんか黒いﾓﾝがぁ！
とってぇ！ この黒いﾔﾂ とってぇ!!
あ… 歩くくらいで そんな 大げさな…｡
Oh. There's no need to make a big fuss about walking. Why don't we do that right now?
じゃあ 今から行きましょうか？
えっ ﾎﾝﾄに!? いいんですか！
Huh? Really?! Is that all right?
よかったぁ… 勇気出して｡
Thank goodness I gathered up all my courage.
あれ… なんでだろ 前がかすんで 見えないや…｡
Huh? What's going on? Things are getting misty.
(叫び声)
Shall I make you blind forever?!
Why me?! Do this to her!!
だから なんでｵﾚ!? 直接 いけって！
あの… 手をつないでもいいですか？
Umm... Can I hold your hand?
えっ？ あ… じゃあ はい｡
Oh... Well...
Here.
《これは もう… どこから どう見ても ﾃﾞｰﾄだ｡
No matter how I look at this, this is a date.
手ぇ つないでるし 心臓 ﾄﾞｷﾄﾞｷいってるし…｡
We're holding hands and my heart is racing.
あれ… いつの間にか 変な通りに入り込んでない？
Huh? We ended up wandering down an awkward street.
ｲﾔだな… ２人きりになりたいとか➡
On no.
She'll think that I want to be alone with her or that I want to go somewhere without any people.
人気のないところに 行きたいとか➡
考えてると 思われるじゃないか》
U-Umm, Eromesu-chan, this street isn't really interesting.
あの… ｴﾛﾒｽちゃん｡
この通り あんまり おもしろいもの ないから➡
もうちょっと 大通りのほう いかない？
Why don't we go down a main road?
新八さん… 私 はしゃぎすぎて➡
Shinpachi-san, I moved around too much, I'm feeling a little tired.
ちょっと 疲れちゃったみたい…｡
My house is nearby. Care to go there to rest?
私の家 この近くなんです… 行って 休みませんか？
Huh?
ちょうど ﾊﾟﾊﾟとﾏﾏもいないし…｡
My parents aren't home, either.
《うぉ～っ！ ﾏｼﾞでぇえ!?
Really?! No way! Huh? What? This already?!
ｳｿ!? えっ なに？ いきなり そういう感じ？
だって まだ 会って全然… えっ そういう感じなの!?
We've just met... Huh? It that what's going on?
What should I do? I said it... Oh dear...
最近の若者は 乱れてるとは聞いてたけど➡
I had heard that young people are wild nowadays,
戦国乱世なみの 乱れ方じゃないか！
but this is as wild as the feudal era!!
ﾑﾘだ… ﾎﾞｸには できない！
I can't! I can't do it!
そりゃ こんなかわいい娘と そうなれたら ｱﾚだけれども…｡
I'd be glad if I can do it with a cute girl like her...
ﾎﾞｸは まだ少年だし この時間は お子様ｱﾆﾒﾀｲﾑだ｡
But I'm still a boy and this time slot is anime time for children.
ただでさえ ｺﾞｰﾙﾃﾞﾝから 左遷されたばかりなのに➡
We were already demoted from golden hour.
ここで ＰＴＡとかから 苦情が殺到したりしたら➡
If the PTA sends in a flood of complaints, the show will be canceled...
間違いなく 番組は打ち切られる…！》
[Eromesu's House]
What?
ﾋｪ～ｯ!!
What's wrong? Is there something wrong with my house?
どうしました？ 私の家 変ですか？
いっ いや… 全然…｡
N-No! Nothing at all!
(ｴﾛﾒｽ)じゃあ…｡
Well then...
♪♪～
Oh no! This is bad! Not good!
《やばい… まずい… いかんぞ｡
We're going to get cancelled if I don't do something...
なんとかしないと 打ち切りが…》
Umm... You can go in... I'll be waiting in bed...
あの… 次 どうぞ…｡
私… お布団で待ってますから…｡
永久に…｡
Forever.
I don't care about getting cancelled!!
《打ち切りなんて 知るか～！
I won't back down after coming this far!!
ここまできたら 引き下がれるかぁっ！
お子様ｱﾆﾒﾀｲﾑが なんだ！
Who cares if this is anime time for children!!
The staff will cheat by showing what happens like it's a science lesson...
このｽﾀｯﾌのことだ なんかこう 理科の学習みたいな描写で➡
[Stamen]
[Pistil]
[Science Lesson]
ごまかしてくれるはずだ！ 大丈夫だ… 絶対 大丈夫だ！》
It'll be all right! It'll definitely be all right!!
I...
《男 志村 新八 本物の 男になります！》
Shinpachi Shimura, will become a real man!!
[To be continued]
[Preview]
Oh no! We've run out of time this week!
We're going to continue next week! Huh? The next episode?
Just cut that out! It's disgraceful for a man to turn down a woman's favor!!
["Love Doesn't Require a Manual (Continued)"]
[Next week's episode: "You Can't Judge a Person by His Appearance, Either."]
[...will be pushed back. Please understand. (Maximum extension is thirty minutes.)]