(銀時)だから ｱｲﾂのことは 大事にしてやってくれよ｡
So...cherish her... Okay?
[Kagura returned to her planet with her father. Everyone at the Otose Snack House is depressed.]
[On the other hand, the women are busy trying to replace the heroine of the show.]
[OTOSE SNACK HOUSE]
(お登勢)そうかい…｡
I see.
That girl with the big appetite returned to her planet.
あの大食い娘 ﾎﾝﾄに 星に帰っちまったのかい｡
(新八)えぇ ﾎﾞｸも止めたんだけど➡
Yeah.
I tried to stop her... But Gin-san said it's probably best for her to be with her father.
銀さんが やっぱり 親のもとにいるのが➡
いちばん いいって｡ (長谷川)そうさなぁ｡
That's right, it's much better than staying with Good-For-Nothing Gin.
あんな 根無し草のところに いるよりは ﾏｼだわな｡
Hmph. She had a loud mouth, but I kinda miss her now that she's gone.
ﾌﾝｯ うるさいｶﾞｷだったけど➡
いなくなったら いなくなったで 寂しいものがあるねぇ｡
(神楽)ﾑﾌﾌｯ｡
Everybody looks really sad. You're all sad because I'm not around, huh?!
みんな すっかり落ち込んじゃって…｡
私がいないと そんなに寂しいｱﾙか｡
(神楽)しばらく このまま 捨て置いてくれるわ｡
I'm going to hide out for a while.
思い知るがいいね｡ お前たちにとって➡
Then you'll truly realize just how important I am to you!
私が いかに 大切な存在であったかを｡
それにしても いちばん肝心なﾔﾂが いないね｡
Anyway, I don't see the most important guy.
どこ行った？ あのﾓｼﾞｬﾓｼﾞｬ｡
Where is he? The guy with the moppy hair?
(水音)
《神楽:厠か… さては便所で➡
Restroom... Ah-ha, did you go in there to cry over me? All alone in the restroom?
一人悲しみに うちひしがれて 泣いていたｱﾙか》
(銀時)あぁ なんで こんなことに なっちまったのかな｡
Gee, I can't believe it really happened to me.
《ﾌﾟﾌﾟﾌﾟｯ！ 目でも腫れたか》
He cried his eyes out.
This is terrible. The most important thing in my life...and it's all swollen!
やべえよ おい｡
やっぱ 明らかに 腫れてるみたいなんだけど｡
大事なとこが｡
["Make Characters So Anybody Can Tell Who They Are by Just Their Silhouettes"]
What?! Did you touch it with your dirty hands?!
え～ 汚い手で 触ったんじゃないっすか ｱﾝﾀ｡
お前と一緒にすんな｡
I'm not like you. How old do you think I am?
歳 いくつだと思ってんだ｡
病気か？ 誰かに うつされたのか おい｡
Is it some sort of disease? Did you get infected by someone?
お前と一緒にするな｡
I'm not like you. I don't skate on thin ice.
危ない橋は ｵﾚは渡らねえ｡
That bastard! You're not supposed to care about anything but me!
《あんの野郎～！
人が いなくなったってのに どこ腫らしてんだぁ～》
気のせいじゃないっすか？
Is it your imagination? Maybe you just remember it being smaller.
もともと そういう大きさだったとか｡
Get back to what you were talking about!
《神楽:話を 元に戻せ！》
No, it was a good modest size.
違～よ ｺｲﾂは もっとこう 謙虚なﾔﾂだったよ｡
《神楽:おい いいかげんにするｱﾙ！》
Hey, that's enough!
Did you pee on a worm? I heard it swells up if you do.
どっかで ﾐﾐｽﾞに小便でも 引っ掛けてきたんじゃないかい？
腫れるっていうよねぇ｡
ﾍｯ 何言っちゃってんの 迷信だろ そんな… あっ！
What are you talking about? That's just an old wives' ta...
ｱﾝﾀ まさか…｡
You...can't be...
いやいや… ﾐﾐｽﾞじゃねえよ｡
Oh, no. It wasn't a worm. It was more like a worm-like alien...
ﾐﾐｽﾞっぽい えいりあんに…｡
You pissed on an alien? Oh, no! That's bad.
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)えいりあんに 小便 かけたんですか？
あ～ぁ もうﾀﾞﾒだ そりゃ｡
私の友達 それやって 今は星になりました｡
My friend did that and now he's dead.
えぇっ！ 星になっちゃったの？
What?! He died? What does that mean? What'll happen to me? I mean...
なにそれ どうなるの？ ｵﾚ｡
ｵﾚっていうか もう１人のｵﾚ｡
《神楽:だから その話は もういい って 言ってんだろうが！》
I said that's enough!
股間の話しか してないよ｡
He's only talking about his crotch. What?!
なに？ ｱｲﾂら 私がいないときは➡
Do they always talk about their crotches when I'm not around?
いつも 股間の話しか してないｱﾙか｡
(戸の開閉音)
(お妙)こんばんは｡ 《神楽:ｱﾈｺﾞ！》
Good evening!
Big sister!
姉上 何ですか？ その格好｡
Sis, why are you wearing that?
あぁ 今 私の店 ﾁｬｲﾅﾄﾞﾚｽ強化月間で➡
Well, it's Chinese Girl Booster Month at work, so everyone wears a Chinese dress to work.
みんな ﾁｬｲﾅﾄﾞﾚｽ着て 仕事してるのよ｡
ﾁｬｲﾅﾄﾞﾚｽ強化月間って 何ですか？
What's Chinese Girl Booster Month? And what's being boosted?
何が強化されるんですか？
男の妄想よ｡
Men's fantasies.
How do I look, Gin-san?
どうかしら？ 銀さん｡ やべえよ｡
This is not good. I don't want to die young.
この歳で 星になっちゃうの ｵﾚ ｲﾔだよ｡
It's useless to speak to him right now. And don't ask me why.
(長谷川)あぁ 今 なに話してもﾑﾀﾞ｡ 理由は聞くな｡
Oh, you miss Kagura-chan that much... I'm sorry to remind you...
まぁ そんなに神楽ちゃんのこと…｡
ごめんなさい 思い出させるようなことして｡
Yes, yes, that's it. That's why you're my big sis...
《神楽:そうそう その話｡ さすがｱﾈｺﾞ ｱﾙ》
(お妙)こういうときは これ！
I think this will help us.
[ONIYOME]
[Note: Oniyome means Demon Bride and is a parody of Onigoroshi sake]
Let's drink and forget her!
飲んで忘れましょ！
Wow, this is expensive sake.
Oh? Big sis? No... That's not right... Forget? Are you guys trying to forget about me?
《あれ？ ｱﾈｺﾞ… 違う 違うよ｡
I swiped...er got it from work.
忘れる？ 忘れちゃうの？》
Oniyome... I haven't had this for a long time.
忘れることで 前に 進めることだってあるでしょう？
Sometimes people can only move on by forgetting.
ｲﾔなことは ｱﾙｺｰﾙと一緒に 流しましょう？ ねっ 銀さん｡
Let's forget all the bad stuff by drinking sake, Gin-san.
《神楽:ｲﾔなのこと？ ｲﾔなことｱﾙか？》
Bad stuff? I'm bad stuff?
No, I can't. Because it's always hanging right there.
いや ﾑﾘだろう これ｡
だって 常に ｵﾚの股に ぶら下がってるわけだからね！
《神楽:ｵﾒｴは 股のことしか 頭にないｱﾙか》
Can't you think of anything but your crotch?!
まぁ ｱｲﾂだったら 元気にやっていくさ｡
Well, I think she'll be fine. We'll see her again if she's still alive.
Bottoms up!
生きてりゃ また会えるよ｡
Oh, thank you.
Old hag! I didn't ask you!
《神楽:ﾊﾞﾊﾞｱ 誰も聞いてねえよ》
If you ask me, it's good that she left.
私的には いなくなって 清々してます｡
《神楽:なんだと ｸｿｱﾏ！》
Say what, pig ears?!
I always felt she and I were too similar for one show.
前から私 ｷｬﾗが かぶってる 思ってました｡
《神楽:かぶるかぁ！》
No way!
Y'know, "the cute foreign chick."
かわいらしい ｵﾘｴﾝﾀﾙな 異国ｷｬﾗ みたいな｡
いや お前 かわいくねえから｡ んっ！
Well, I never thought of you as "cute."
I really miss her.
(お妙)私は やっぱり寂しい｡
なんだか いつのまにか 妹みたいに思ってたから｡
Somewhere along the line, I started thinking of her as my little sister.
I always wanted to have a little sister.
私ね 昔から 妹が欲しくて｡
《神楽:ｱﾈｺﾞ！ ｸﾞｽｯ…》
Big sis...
When Shin-chan was little, I used to force him to dress up as a girl.
新ちゃんが小さい頃 無理やり 女の子の格好をさせて➡
よく 父上に怒られたものだわ｡
Our dad used to yell at me for that.
ねっ 新ちゃん｡
Right, Shin-chan?
Bleep, bleep! Bleep, bleep!
♪♪｢×× ××｣
《聞けよ！》
Listen!
(お妙)なのに… どうして 先に逝ってしまったの 父上様！
...And yet...
But why did you have to die and leave me alone, Father?
《神楽:最終的に父上？》
And now you're talking about your father?
ｵﾚ的には この辺で評判の 泌尿器科とか な～い？
What I want to know is, are there any good urologists nearby?
《神楽:ﾎﾝﾄに お前的なことだな》
Really. That's all you ever want to know about!
あれ… ３丁目の ﾀﾊﾞｺ屋の前の病院｡
Ah... There's a urologist across from the cigarette store on 3rd Street.
あそこの泌尿器科 美人女医が やってるらしいよ｡
I heard there's a hot doctor working there.
ﾏｼﾞでか？ 腫れが悪化すんぞ おい！
Really? That'll make my swelling worse.
《神楽:消えろ ｵﾔｼﾞ！》
Go away, old man!
いやぁ まあな｡
Well, maybe... But it's better to see a sexy doctor if you go...
どうせだったら 美人がいいに決まってるけどよ｡
でも ちょっと 照れるかもしれねえな｡
But I guess you'd feel too embarrassed...
ﾊﾞｶ野郎 それが また いいんじゃねえか｡
Idiot! That's what's fun about it. There're so many things mixed in.
いろんな要素が 絡み合ってよ｡
It's like you're role-playing!
一種のﾌﾟﾚｲだよ ﾌﾟﾚｲ｡
そりゃ まぁ そうだがよ｡
I guess so. But if you have a stone, it's a completely different story.
石だったら 話は別だ｡ 石は やばいぞ～｡
A stone is nasty. It really hurts.
あれ激痛だから｡ あの痛さはな 尋常じゃねえ｡
There's no way you'd be able to think about how beautiful she is. It's that bad.
美人だ ﾌﾞｽだなんて 言ってられないから｡
そうなのか｡ ｶﾗﾝってなった瞬間は 快感らしいって聞いたぞ｡
Is that right? I heard you feel great once it's out...
そりゃあよ 痛みから解放された っていう 記号みたいなもんよ｡
Well yeah. It was all the way up in there.
あの痛さってのは ないからぁ｡
I can't even describe how painful it is.
もんどり打つよ 問答無用だから｡
Your nuts would turn a somersault. No argument.
ﾕｰ なったのかい？ いやぁ｡
Have YOU experienced it?
Well...
《神楽:何の話してんだよ お前ら》
What are you guys talking about?!
だいたい 今どき 口癖が ｢ｱﾙ｣のﾋﾛｲﾝなんて➡
First, Chinese chicks who say things like "uh-huh" are such a cliché!
古いんだよ～｡
I bet she was faking her accent! I bet she can speak perfectly!
あれ絶対 ｷｬﾗ作ってるぜ｡
絶対 標準語ﾍﾟﾗﾍﾟﾗだよぉ｡
Hey, you forgot to speak with your weird accent.
おい 片言でしゃべるの 忘れてるぞ～｡ あっ ﾔﾍﾞｯ！
Oh shi-!
《神楽:ﾃﾒｴ ｷｬﾗ作ってたのかい！》
You're the one who's faking!
ちょっと ｷｬｻﾘﾝさん｡
Hey, Catherine-san, you're way out of line!
あなた さっきから聞いてれば いいかげんにしなさいよ｡
死んだ人のこと 悪く言うなんて 最低よ！
That's no way to speak about the dead!
《神楽:いや 死んでないよ》
But, I'm not dead.
If you ask me, your weird accent is outdated! It's impossible to understand!
(お妙)私に言わせりゃあね あなたの片言も 古いのよ｡
聞きにくいのよ｡ ねぇ 新ちゃん？
Right, Shin-chan?
Bleep, bleep! It's a mysterious invitation!
♪♪(新八の熱唱)
I told you to listen!
《神楽:だから 聞けっつ～の！》
I wonder what it's like to go to a female doctor. Should I go? I don't know...
女医って どんな感じだろう｡
行っちゃおうかな どうしよっかなぁ～！
《神楽:どこにでも行け！》
Go to hell!
In any case, what are you guys going to do?
とにも かくにもさぁ➡
ｱﾝﾀら これから どうするつもりなのさ？
Do you really think the two of you can run the Odd Jobs by yourselves?
野郎２人で 万事屋やってく つもりなのかい？
あん？ 別に 何人だろうと やれねえことはねえだろう｡
Huh? It doesn't matter how many people there are. In the old days, I did it by myself.
元は ｵﾚ１人でやってたんだから｡
No, that's not what I meant.
いやいや そういうんじゃなくて｡
Actually...
実はさ 前に 万事屋に 入りたいってﾔﾂが ｳﾁに来て➡
A while back this girl came by who wanted to join the Odd Jobs.
ｱﾀｼを 経営者と間違ったか知らんが➡
She thought I was the boss and left her picture and resume.
履歴書と写真を 置いてったんだよ｡
えっ なに？
Eh? What? Was the Odd Jobs that famous?
万事屋って そんなに有名だったわけ？
なんか むずがゆい感じだな おい｡
I feel a little "uncomfortable" hearing that...
むずがゆいのは 股間じゃねえのか？
Your mean your crotch feels uncomfortable, right?
履歴書っていうか お見合い写真じゃねえの？ これ｡
This picture looks more like a mail-order bride ad to me.
あら きれいな人｡
Wow, she's pretty!
《神楽:ん… 見えないｱﾙ》
Um... I can't see...
(お妙)猿飛 あやめ… 経歴が すごいわ！
Ayame Sarutobi. She's had a great career.
お庭番衆を辞した後 始末屋に転職ですって｡
She resigned from the Oniwabanshu and became an assassin.
始末屋？ …ん？
An assassin?
うわぁっ！ くせ者 くせ者だ!!
Whoa! A thief! A spy! How'd you get in here?
何奴じゃ ｷｻﾏ!!
(さっちゃん)祇園精舎の鐘の声 諸行無常の響きあり｡
The bell of Gion temple rings with the impermanence of all things.
[Note: A line from The Tale of the Heike. An epic account of the struggle between the Taira and Minamoto clans for control of Japan.]
沙羅双樹の花の色｡
Like the flowers in the holy woods of Sara.
ﾋﾛｲﾝ交代の理をあらはす｡
The bells say that it is time for a new heroine.
こんばんは 万事屋 さっちゃんだぞ｡
Good evening, I am Odd Jobs Sachan.
♪♪～
こんばんは 万事屋 さっちゃんだぞ｡
Good evening, I am Odd Jobs Sachan.
《さっちゃん!?》
Sachan?!
むさい野郎だけで 商売やっていけるほど➡
It's not easy for such shabby men to succeed in this business.
世の中 甘いものじゃないわ｡
ｱﾀﾞﾑにｲﾌﾞ 社長に美人秘書➡
Adam and Eve, the president and his beautiful secretary,
ご主人様に ﾒｲﾄﾞさん➡
a master and a maid and Pe Hayashiya and Pahko...
[Hayashiya = a husband and wife comedian team in Japan]
林家 ﾍﾟｰに ﾊﾟｰ子が寄り添うように➡
No matter what you do, you need a real heroine.
何をするにも ﾋﾛｲﾝという存在は 必要不可欠なのよ｡
《途中から 何かが ずれてるような気がするｱﾙ》
I think she's missing the point in some places...
(さっちゃん)かといって ｱﾙｱﾙ中毒娘は もう古いし➡
Even so, Chinese girls who say "uh-huh" are so last year.
ﾈｺ耳年増女なんて 問題外｡
And a cat-eared middle-aged woman is out of the question as well.
ﾊﾞﾊﾞｱにいたっては 男だか 大蛇丸だか わからない始末｡
And I have no idea about the old woman; is she a man or Orochimaru?
[Note: Orochimaru is an anime character who has a snake-tongue and is voiced by the same actress that does Otose.]
Understand? The future has arrived!
わかる？ これからは これよ！
And the future is, the four-eyed Kunoichi...
これからは ﾒｶﾞﾈっ娘くのいち！
あれ？ くのいちﾒｶﾞﾈ？ あ… これでいこう｡
Huh? Kunoichi four-eyes...? Right, let's go with that.
[Note: kunoichi = a female ninja. 91 is a parody of ku (9) ichi (1)]
91ﾒｶﾞの時代なのよ！
It's time for 91 Mega!
あ… 間違った！ 《神楽:もう ｸﾞﾀﾞｸﾞﾀﾞね》
Oops! That was a mistake.
She's totally messed up.
そういうことだから あの…➡
Thus, um... Gin-san, please take me as your bride...
銀さん 私を あの… お嫁さんに… じゃねえや｡
No, I mean...
万事屋に入れてくだ…｡
As a member of the Odd Jobs...
ﾒｶﾞﾈは 新八とかぶるから ﾀﾞﾒ！
We've already got four-eyes Shinpachi so, fuggedit.
ﾁｰﾑは 集団だからこそ 個性が必要なんだよ｡
This is a team and we all need our own distinct personality.
個性を出す いちばんいい方法は➡
And the best way to show your personality is through your looks.
これ ぶっちゃけ 見た目なんだよね｡
You don't want fans to say, "Hey, she's just copying Shinpachi's glasses!"
それが かぶってるなんて 言語道断でしょ｡
例えば そうだね… ﾓﾋｶﾝにするとか➡
For example... You should have a Mohawk or a huge weapon,
[Cannon, Tank, Char Exclusive is from Gundam. It's used to describe Red, High-speed, and distinguish it from others.]
でかい武器を持ってるとか ｷｬﾉﾝとかﾀﾝｸとか ｼｬｱ専用とか➡
like a "cannon", "tank" or "Char Exclusive".
ｼﾙｴｯﾄだけで 違いが わかるようにして➡
Make it so anybody can tell who you are just from your silhouette.
もう１回 来てみて｡
Get something like that, then come back.
He says that like he's the editor of a manga.
《神楽:ﾏﾝｶﾞの編集者みたいなこと 言いやがったよ》
これなら 文句ないでしょ？ これで 気が済んだ？
You can't complain anymore, right? Are you happy now?
そうやって 私をなぶって 楽しんでるんだろうけど➡
Bully me all you want, but I'm a masochist. So I'm enjoying it too!
私 Ｍだから｡ 私も 楽しんでるから｡
私は Ｍで あなたは Ｓで➡
I'm an "M" (as in masochist) and you're "S" (as in sadist). We don't need anything else.
他には もう 何もいらないじゃない｡
悪いな… どっちかっつうと ｵﾚも Ｍだ｡
Sorry, but I'm kind of an "M" too.
《神楽:さっちゃん それ Ｍね》
Sa-chan, that's a Ma-da-O.
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)ｺﾗｧ 小娘！
Hey, listen chickie! You pop up out of nowhere and call yourself the heroine!
さっきから 黙って聞いてりゃ いきなり出てきて ﾋﾛｲﾝ面かぁ？
ここは そんな 甘い世界じゃねえんだよ！
This world ain't that easy!
《神楽:ｷｬｻﾘﾝ お前…》
Catherine, you...
I don't know who you are, but I've been working here for a long time, and you just showed up!
ﾃﾒｴが 何だか知らねえけどな ｱﾀｲは➡
ﾃﾒｴが出てくる はるか前から ここで働いてんだよ！
このｱﾆﾒのﾋﾛｲﾝは ｱﾀｲなんだよ！ 《神楽:絶対 違う》
I'm the heroine in this anime!
Absolutely not!
まったく ﾈｺ耳を役立ててない おばさんが 黙りなさいよ！
Shut up, you middle-aged woman! You're just a waste of cat ears!
その耳がね 私に ついていれば➡
If I had your ears, I'd be a ninja with glasses and cat ears.
忍者 ﾒｶﾞﾈ ﾈｺ耳 萌え三種の神器が揃うのよ！
The triple crown of cute anime girl gimmicks!
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)このｷﾞｬｯﾌﾟが いいんだろうが！
My whole gimmick is being middle-aged and having cute cat ears. It's all good!
[Note: Usually, a cat-eared (nekomimi) character is a young girl.]
ﾈｺ耳なのに おばさんっていう！ 《神楽:全然よくねえよ》
That's not very good at all.
いいかげんにしなさい ２人とも！
That's enough! Knock it off you two!
こんなところ 神楽ちゃんが もし見たら➡
How do you think Kagura would feel if she could see you right now?!
どんな気持になると 思っているの？
ちなみに 私が 銀さんとは➡
By the way,
I've known Gin-san a lot longer than any of you, uh-huh.
つきあいが いちばん長いｱﾙけどね｡
"Uh-huh"? Oh? Big sis? Are you trying to become the heroine now, Big sis?
《神楽:ｱﾙ？ あれ ｱﾈｺﾞ？ ｱﾈｺﾞも ﾋﾛｲﾝ狙ってる？》
(２人)うっ！
How dare you look down on me, meow!
な～に 私は別格みてえな 顔してんだ ﾆｬﾝﾎﾞﾜｻﾞｧ！
ｷｬﾗ的に言えば お前が いちばん薄いくせによ ﾆｬﾝﾎﾞﾜｻﾞｧ！
You don't even have any character, meow!
《神楽:ﾆｬﾝﾎﾞﾜｻﾞｧって なに!? 口癖？
What's with the "meow"? Is that her new gimmick?
ﾆｬﾝでいいよ｡ 今さら ｷｬﾗづけすんなよ！》
Is that your idea of a cute new speech pattern?
濃ければいいって もんじゃないわよ｡
It doesn't matter if you've got strong character.
あなた 顔が濃すぎるﾆﾝﾆﾝ｡ なにぃ!?
Your face is too strong, as in ugly, nin-nin.
What?!
それから あなた 銀さんと知り合ったのが➡
You, too.
Don't get carried away, just because you've known Gin-san for a long time, glasses beam!
古いからって 調子にのるなよ ﾒｶﾞﾈﾋﾞｰﾑ！
《神楽:口癖 １つに統一しろ》
Don't mix up your lines so much!
でも いちばん長いもんｱﾙ｡
But I've been here the longest, uh-huh!
《神楽:ｱﾙの使い方 間違ってるよ ｱﾈｺﾞ》
You're using "uh-huh" wrong, Big sis.
なによ 時間なんて 関係ないでしょ！
What?! The length of time doesn't matter! Quality is more important!
密度よ 密度！ 私なんて 銀さんと➡
I've already had experience doing a little of this and that with Gin-san!
あんなことや こんなことも とっくに 経験済みなんだから！
濃ければいいってもんじゃない って 言ってなかったかしら？
What? You just said that it doesn't matter how strong a character is, right?
それに あんなことや こんなことって言ったって➡
And you said "a little of this and that," but it's all in your imagination, right?!
どうせ あなたの思い込みでしょ？ (ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)薄いより 濃いほうが➡
Strong is better than weak, meow!
ﾏｼだろ ﾆｬﾝﾎﾞｼﾞｰ！ 顔は別よ 顔は！
But it doesn't apply to the face!
《醜い闘いｱﾙなぁ》
This is getting downright nasty...
なんなの あなたたち｡ たいして 銀さんのこと➡
What about you guys?!
You don't like Gin-san as much as I do. I'm the one who deserves him, nin-nin.
好きでもないくせに｡ ｼﾞｬﾏしないでﾆﾝﾆﾝ！
好きよ… 軍手の次にｱﾙｱﾙけど｡
I do like him... Next to cotton work gloves, he's the best, uh-huh.
それ ﾗﾝｸ何位ﾆｬﾝﾊﾞｻﾀﾞｧ！
How far down the list is that, meow?!
(お妙)私が好きなのは 私だけよ｡
But most of all I love myself. So I hate losing to anyone, uh-huh.
だから 誰にも 負けたくないのよ ｱﾙｱﾙ探検隊｡
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)ちなみにｱﾀｲは あんなﾀﾞﾒ男 好きでも何でもないけどね｡
Um...
Let me tell you something. I don't care about that useless man!
ちょっと 出番 増やしたいだけみたいなﾆｬﾝﾊﾞｾﾞﾊﾞｧ｡
I just want to see you both lose, meow!
(さっちゃん)ｵﾒｴら 帰れ！ ﾒｶﾞﾈｸﾗｯｼｭ！
You lost the day you were born, nin-nin!
お～い おい！ ちょっと落ち着け！
Hey, calm down.
(３人)ん？
このままじゃ いつまでたっても決まらねえ｡
If you keep this up, you'll never settle down.
ｵﾚたち 男の意見を取り入れろ｡
You should listen to the opinions of us men.
What does "settle down" mean, anyway?
《神楽:っていうか 何を決めてるｱﾙか？》
Men like us believe a woman has to meet three requirements to become a heroine.
ｵﾚたち 野郎からしてみれば ﾋﾛｲﾝってのは➡
満たさなきゃならねえ 三大条件ってのがある｡
それは…｡
Those are...
[FACE]
A pretty face,
style,
[STYLE]
personality.
[PERSONALITY]
《何もねえよ》
I don't have any of those.
(長谷川)そういうことだから➡
So for starters, we'll see you later!
とりあえず お前は 故国に帰れ！ しばくぞ｡
Screw you.
(長谷川)問題は ２人だ｡
You two can stay.
いいか ﾋﾛｲﾝってのはなぁ まずは 顔だ｡
Listen. A heroine needs a good face. But it doesn't just mean a pretty face.
顔っつったって➡
ただ 顔がよければいいって もんじゃねえんだよ｡
笑顔を浮かべ 人を ﾎﾞｺｯﾎﾞｺにしたり…｡
A face that beats the crap out of people, but with a smile...
子供が見るｱﾆﾒで 親子関係を 危うくするようなことで➡
Or, someone who would create a parent-son problem on a kids' anime. Both of those are out of the question.
興奮するなんざ 論外だ｡
つまり…｡ つまり 表情なんですよ！
What I'm trying to say is...
It's all about your facial expression!
その場 その場で 客が期待した表情を➡
In different situations, you need to have the response your audience is expecting.
しっかり しなきゃいけない｡
Such as laughing when appropriate...
笑うべきときに 笑い 怒るべきときに 怒り…｡
[This is just Shinpachi's imagination. This picture is slightly different from the real person.]
Getting angry when necessary...
((お通:もう 怒ってんだぞ ﾌﾟﾝﾌﾟﾝ！))
I'm angry now, pun pun.
背景に 花を自在に浮かべられ…｡
Having a background filled with flowers at any time...
((１日遅れの ﾊｯﾋﾟｰﾊﾞｰｽﾃﾞｰ))
It's one day late, but Happy Birthday!
瞬時に 目を ｳﾙｳﾙさせ…｡
Being able to tear up on cue.
((あ あの…))
Well...
泣くべきときに しっかり 涙しなきゃいけないんです｡
Being able to cry when necessary.
((嬉しい…｡ でも どうしてかな？))
I'm happy...but it's strange...
というわけで ﾋﾛｲﾝは お通…！ でぇい！
Therefore, the heroine will be...
というわけで まずは お前！
Therefore, first of all, you...
泣け｡
Cry.
じゃあ… これで お願いします｡
Then...
Please use this.
《神楽:もう そこから違うだろ》 論外だな｡
You got it wrong again!
It's out of the question.
ほれ やってみろ｡
You try it.
あら そんなの簡単よ｡ あ？
Well, that's easy.
Come on, cry! I won't stop until you're bawling!
ｵﾗ 泣けよ！ 泣くまで やめねえからな ｺﾗｧ!!
あ… いや なんで？
Um... Why?
(お妙)ふっ！ ふっ!!
でも いいかも…｡
But this feels good...
Ora ora ora ora!
[Note: Ora = a fighting taunt used when repeatedly punching someone]
ｵﾗｵﾗ ｵﾗｵﾗ！ うあぁ…｡
おい ﾃﾒｴ 誰が 泣かせっつったよ｡
Hey, hey! Who told you to make someone cry? I said for YOU to cry.
泣けっつってんだよ｡ でも ちょっといいかも｡
But I think I can...
《神楽:やっぱﾏﾀﾞｵだよ ｺｲﾂ》
That's the reason he's a DORK.
まったく どいつもこいつも…｡
Really, every single one of them...
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)おい 私 まだ 何もやってないぞ｡
Hey, I didn't do anything yet.
So how do I look, meow?
ｺﾞﾗﾆｬﾝﾀﾞﾜｼｰ｡
どいつもこいつも…｡
Missed every single one of them...
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ) 埋めるぞ この野郎 ﾆｬﾝﾄﾞﾛｼｰ！
I'll kill you, bastard, meow!
《お前 いいかげんに あきらめろ》
Why don't you just give up?
うっ… うぅっ…｡
まぁ ﾂﾗはいいとして➡
I think we're done with the "face."
大事なのは ｽﾀｲﾙだ｡
A heroine's style is very important.
[Note: Hasegawa takes the same pose as Gendo from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Both characters were voiced by the same voice actor.]
ﾋﾛｲﾝたるからには ﾎﾞﾝ ｷｭｯ ﾎﾞﾝ！
A heroine's gotta be, you know... Bang! Pow! Boom!
(長谷川)たわわに実った果実｡
It's like fully grown fruit. Plump, but not fat.
でも それでいて 決してﾃﾞﾌﾞではない｡
[Due to circumstances, detailed examples are limited, so we are using images as metaphors. Thank you for your understanding.]
もう それを目撃した その瞬間から➡
From the moment you see it, it doesn't matter if you remember her face!
顔なんか記憶に残らなくていい｡
野郎どものｽｹﾍﾞな視線は 右に揺れても 左に揺れても➡
Even dirty old geezers move their eyes up and down and side to side.
縦でも斜めでも 常に そこに くぎづけになれ！
それが ﾋﾛｲﾝ！ ﾋﾛｲﾝの もつべきﾎﾞｲﾝ!!
A heroine has to catch their attention! That's the heroine's big boobs...
もとい… ｽﾀｲﾙというﾔﾂだ！
I mean figure! I mean style!
出るとこ出て 締まるとこは締まった➡
An hourglass figure is the best. Yeah, yeah.
ｴﾛい体がいい… うんうん｡
《神楽:ほとんど ｵﾔｼﾞの独断ｱﾙ！》
That's an old man's opinion.
(長谷川)それでだ… そこの化け猫は論外として｡
So that excludes the monster cat ...
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)なっ！ (長谷川)２人を見比べたところ…｡
What?!
Now lets compare the two of you...
Bang.
(長谷川)ﾎﾞﾝ！ ｷｭｯ!! (お妙)ﾎﾞ～ﾝ！
Pow.
Boooooom!
２人とも合格！
You both pass.
The last thing is... Um... Huh? Was it "personality"?
最後は あの… あれ？ 性格だっけ？
あの… でも ２人とも完璧だから 勝負つかないな～ これ｡
Well... Both of you are perfect, so... I just can't pick a winner...
(お妙)決着つけるｱﾙｧ… ｺﾙｧ｡
You had better pick one, uh-huh!
(さっちゃん)あなたたちが 言い出したことでしょ ﾒｶﾞﾈﾊﾞｯｽﾞｰｶｰ｡
You chumps started this, mega bazooka.
し… 新八く～ん！
Shi-Shinpachi-kun...
起きて！ 新八く～ん!!
Wake up, Shinpachi-kun. You're the one who suggested "personality," so you should judge.
性格は ｷﾐが提案したんだから ｷﾐが審査して！
A heroine?
ﾋﾛｲﾝ…？ ﾋﾛｲﾝは…｡
The heroine is...
お通ちゃん… お通ちゃんがいいです！
Otsu-chan. I'd say it's Otsu-chan.
Ora!
(さっちゃん/お妙)ｵﾗ～！
♪♪～
(お妙)ﾌﾝ！ 土手来い｡ 決着つけるぞｱﾙ｡
Hmph. Come with me to the riverbank. We'll settle this, uh-huh!
(さっちゃん)ﾌﾝ 上等よ!! ﾆﾝﾆﾝ！
Hmph.
Fine with me, nin-nin.
ぎ… 銀さん｡ 何？
Gi-Gin-san...
What?
ﾎﾝﾄ ﾎﾞｸらの周りには➡
Really... How come we don't have any just plain nice girls around us?
なんで ろくな女の人が いないんですかね？
そうだな…｡
You said it.
やっぱり 何やかんやで➡
When it comes right down to it, Kagura-chan was the best of all, huh?
神楽ちゃんが いちばん ﾎﾞｸらに合ってましたよね｡
そうだな…｡
So true...
(お登勢)何だい ｱﾝﾀら 情けない｡
Hey, you guys are so pathetic.
帰れって言っておいて もう寂しくなったのかい｡
You sent her packing, and you already miss her?
♪♪～
Hmph. This is how selfish men are and why I don't like them.
これだから 男ってのは 勝手でｲﾔなんだ…｡
ねぇ なんか言っておやりよ｡
Right? Why don't you say something?
(銀時/新八)あっ！
ﾎﾞﾝ ｷｭｯ ﾎﾞﾝでなくて悪かったｱﾙな！
Sorry, I don't have an hourglass figure.
おっ！
あ～あ… もう言うな！ 何も言うな!!
All right, don't say anything. Don't say a word.
お前らに合わせられるのは 私だけね｡
I'm the only one who can handle you jerks. So I'm the heroine.
ﾋﾛｲﾝは 私ｱﾙ！
(笑い声)
Don't you mean the mascot?
ﾏｽｺｯﾄの間違いだろ！
(お登勢) 早く入りな！ 飲み直しだよ｡
Come inside! Let's have another drink.
["Since it ended a bit early, we're starting the next one."]
(お腹の鳴る音)
(桂)どうした？ 食べんのか？
What?! You're not going to eat? Don't worry about money. It's on me today.
金のことは気にするな｡ 今日は ｵﾚがもつ｡
手ぇつけるんじゃねえぞ ﾃﾒｴら｡
Don't you guys dare eat one bite! His face tells me he's plotting something.
このﾂﾗは 何か企んでるﾂﾗだ｡
And it says he's going to do something reckless.
また ろくでもねえ話を もちかけにきたﾂﾗだよ こりゃ｡
邪推は よすがいい｡
No need for groundless suspicions.
Even if we're hungry, you can't buy us off with food. We're not that cheap.
いくら 腹減ってたってね➡
食べ物で釣られるほど ﾎﾞｸら 安かないですよ｡
甘かったですね 桂さん｡
You're way too sweet, Katsura-san.
Way too sweet! Like this chocolate that's melting.
ﾎﾝﾄに甘えよ… 特に このﾁｮｺ とろけそうだよ！
Excuse me! Can I have a refill?
すみません！ おかわり いいっすか？
I should've been more careful. Elizabeth was always with me.
(桂)ｵﾚが うかつだった｡ ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽは 常に ｵﾚのそばにいた｡
So I should've known she would attract the attention of the authorities.
(桂)いつ 役人に目をつけられても おかしくはなかったのだ｡
で いったい 誰の仕業だ？
So, who did it?
(桂)遠山 珍太郎なる極悪奉行…｡
Chintaro Toyama, the evil magistrate.
He's a villain who takes bribes to satisfy his desires.
(桂)私欲のために 金さえ積めば➡
汚職から何から やってのける悪党だ｡
(桂)このままでは 確実に ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽのｸﾋﾞがとぶ！
Elizabeth's head will definitely roll if I don't do something.
頼む… 銀時｡
I beg you, Gintoki. Help me rescue Elizabeth.
ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽを救い出すのを 手伝ってくれ｡
[Kunoichi Café Wait time - 90 minutes]
(にぎわい)
What?! You're going to sneak into the magistrate's office, gozaru?
えっ？ 奉行所に 忍び込むですってござる？
いや ｺｲﾂがね どうしても行くって きかねえんだわ｡
Well, this idiot just won't take no for an answer.
And I thought you're a ninja, so you're good at that kind of stuff. So, please.
で お前って忍者じゃん？ そういうの得意そうじゃん？
頼むわ｡ 頼むって 何をでござる？
Please what, gozaru?
ｺｲﾂを 忍者にしてやってくれ｡
Can you help turn us into ninja?
Are you underestimating the ninja, gozaru?
忍者 ﾅﾒてるでござるか？
とりあえず 語尾に ｢ござる｣ つけるらしいぜ｡
Do all ninja have to say "gozaru" at the end of each phrase?
Not "gozaru." I'm Katsura.
｢ござる｣じゃない… 桂だ｡
そんな 一朝一夕で 忍者になりたいって言われてもね｡
But you can't possibly become a ninja overnight...
(ﾏﾄﾞﾓｱｾﾞﾙ店長) ｱﾀｲらはね 血の滲むような➡
True kunoichi are forged through blood, sweat and tears! Don't underestimate us!
試練を乗り越えて くのいちになったんだよ！
ﾅﾒんなよでござる！ 店長 あなた 男でしょ｡
Manager, aren't you a man?
Still, could you at least come with us, Sa-san?
ならば せめて一緒に 来てもらえんだろうか さっさん｡
｢ちゃん｣でいいです｡ 一刻の猶予もないのだ さっ君｡
"-Chan" is fine.
There's no time to lose, Sa-kun.
I said you can call me Sachan, dumb-ass!
｢さっちゃん｣でいいですって 言ってんだろ！ この野郎｡
Sorry, but I have past connections to Bakufu people, so I can't do anything stupid.
悪いけど 私 幕府関係者とは いろいろと つながりがあるから➡
ﾍﾀなことは できないわ｡
See? I've got a call for work...
今日だって ほら 仕事の依頼が…｡
ﾃﾒｴ ﾅﾒてんのか!?
Are you insulting us? Stop messing with your phone while you are with a customer!
仕事中に客の前で ｹｰﾀｲいじくってんじゃねえよ｡
ﾌﾝ… 厳しいのね｡
Hmph. You're awfully firm with me.
なんで赤くなるの!? なんで赤くなるの？
Why are you blushing? Why?
You don't have connections with the Bakufu anymore. So you can help...
これで 幕府とのつながりは なくなったな｡ 協力してくれ…｡
(客)おい 何してんだ？ 早く お茶 もってこい！
Hey! What are you doing?! Hurry up and bring my damn tea!
御意！ 今すぐ 行くでござる!!
Yes, sir! I'll be right with you, gozaru.
ごめんなさい… やっぱり 私➡
I'm sorry. I can't come with you. I'm too busy right now.
昼の仕事も忙しいから 行けないわ！ さらば!!
See ya!
お待たせしたでござる！ (客たち)うわぁ!!
Here's your tea, gozaru!
こちら ｹｰｷのほう ただいま ｻｰﾋﾞｽ期間中でござる！
Here's your cake. It's on the house now!
(店員)ちょっと！ さっちゃん 何やってるの!?
Hey, Sachan! What are you doing?!
あなた もう来なくていいから｡
You're fired.
(さっちゃん)そんな… 店長！ (店長)店長 こっち…｡
But...! Manager!
I'm over here.
Oh! My glasses...
ﾊｯ… ﾒｶﾞﾈが… いつのまに…！
When did that happen?
お～い こっち こっち！
Hey, over here.
ﾒｶﾞﾈ 忘れてったぜ！
You left your glasses here.
ﾀﾞﾒだよ～ さっちゃんは ﾎﾝﾄ そそっかしいなぁ｡
Tough luck, Sachan, you're really careless...
しかし これで 足かせは なくなったな｡
But now that you're free... Let's go.
行くとするか…｡
Well... Sachan... I'm sorry...
あの… さっちゃんさん｡ ごめんなさい｡
あぁ… もっと いじめてほしい｡
Ah...I want to be bullied some more.
えぇ～!? 気持悪！
What?! That's disgusting!
Well, I'll pound as many of the secrets of the ninja into you as I can.
(さっちゃん)それじゃあ今から 忍の極意を即席で➡
あなたたちに たたき込んであげるわ！
First. A ninja must be a shadow.
いい？ 忍は 誰にも知られず 仕事を成し➡
He does his work so discreetly that no one ever knows he is there.
何の痕跡すら残さない 完全なる影…｡
だから 目立つようなことは厳禁｡
Whatever you do, you must be inconspicuous!
どこが隠密!? ｶﾗﾌﾙすぎるだろ… これ ｺﾞﾚﾝｼﾞｬｰか？
You call this inconspicuous? Look at us! Are we the Go-Rangers?!
Well, anyways, I can't tell your faces apart.
(さっちゃん) いや 顔の見分けつかないから｡
私 銀さん以外の人類は みんな 同じ顔に見えるの｡
Everyone but Gin-san looks the same to me.
道端の石ころ!?
Why don't we just wear name tags?!
Oh, Gin-san, your scarf isn't tied right.
あっ 銀さん… ﾏﾌﾗｰが ずれてるわ｡
もう おっちょこちょいなんだから！
You're so careless... You can't do anything without me.
私がいないとﾀﾞﾒね！ おっちょこちょいは お前だ!!
You're the careless one!
結局 誰も 見分けついて ねえじゃねえか！ ﾒｶﾞﾈ かけろ!!
And you still can't see anybody! Put your glasses on!
どうでもいいが なんで ｵﾚが黄色なんだ？
By the way, why is my color yellow?
The leader is supposed to wear red. I want red.
ﾘｰﾀﾞｰは 普通 赤だろ！ 赤がいいです!!
でしゃばるな ﾂﾞﾗ！ 赤は 私のｼﾝﾎﾞﾙｶﾗｰね!!
Don't fight me on this, Zura. Red is my symbol color. So I'm the leader.
ﾘｰﾀﾞｰは私ね！ 納得いかんが➡
It's not very convincing, but it's fine if I have no other choice.
そういう割り振りなら しかたあるまい｡
ﾘｰﾀﾞｰとして命令するね！
As the leader, I make the orders.
Yellow, you love curry, so you always carry curry with you.
ｲｴﾛｰ！ お前は ｶﾚｰが好物だ｡ 常に ｶﾚｰを もってろ!!
Hey, Shinpachi, can you switch with me?
新八よ… これ 取り替えてくんね～？
こんな真っ白じゃ ｶﾚｰうどんも 満足に食えねえよ｡
This will be almost impossible to keep clean while eating curry udon.
[Note: curry udon = yellow curry on top of noodles]
I don't care about curry or curry udon! Why did you even come here?!
ｶﾚｰも ｶﾚｰうどんも関係ねえから！ ってか 何しに来たんだ ﾃﾒｴら!!
[Next Time]
Thus, we teamed up as the Go-Ninja
[Preview]
to sneak into the Magistrate's office where Elizabeth-san is being held.
But there're enemies waiting for us!
The next episode: "Mom's Busy Too So Quit Complaining About What's for Dinner."
[Chintoro Toyama, an evil magistrate, sent the Shinobi Five, the five strongest ninja.]
[Will the Go-ninja successfully rescue Elizabeth?]
＜守らないと 恐ろしいことが→
起こりますよ＞
((ｹｰﾀ:なんだろう？