[Shinpachi's Kodokan team and the Yagyu clan battle it out to bring back Otae.]
[Minamito, who asked for a second chance, was ruthlessly eliminated by Tojo.]
(東城)あなたのような者が いたところで➡
Having someone like you around would only disgrace the name of the dojo.
柳生流の看板に 傷が つくだけ｡
若の御名を 汚す者は 誰だろうと➡
I, Ayumu Tojo, head of the Four Yagyu Aces will not forgive anyone
この 柳生四天王筆頭➡
who tarnishes our Young Lord's name.
東城 歩が 許しません｡
(九兵衛)待て 東城｡
Wait, Tojo.
I'm going, too.
(九兵衛)ﾎﾞｸも 行くぞ｡
I thought they were just a bunch of hooligans,
急繕いで かき集めた ただの ｺﾞﾛﾂｷの集まりだと思っていたが➡
なかなかの 手だれた連中のようではないか｡
but it seems they're actually quite skilled.
This is getting interesting.
興味が わいてきた｡
There's no need for you to go, Young Lord.
(東城)若が 出向かずとも 私 １人で➡
I will defeat all five of them myself.
敵５人 すべて 討ち取ってみせます｡
Never mind. I said I'm going.
ﾎﾞｸが 行きたいと言っている｡ かまうな！
But if you get injured, I will have to commit harakiri.
[Note: Harakiri is ritual suicide by disembowelment.]
(東城)しかし 若に ｹｶﾞをさせたら 私は 腹を切らねばなりませぬ！
(九兵衛)ほぅ～｡ お前は ﾎﾞｸが あのような連中に➡
So you think they're better than I am?
遅れをとると 思っているのだな｡ (東城)めっそうも ございませぬ！
Absolutely not. You are invincible, Young Lord.
(東城)若は 無敵です｡ 柳生家のﾎｰﾌﾟですぞ｡
You are the hope of the Yagyu clan.
(東城)わかりました｡ ならば…➡
All right, then...
Just put these on and go... It looks like rain...
これに 着替えてまいりましょう｡ 雨が 降りそうなので…｡
["Four Heads are Better than One"]
Cut it out! Can you please stop smothering me?
(九兵衛)いいかげんにしろ｡ まだ 治らんのか？ その心配性！
しかし 私は 若が 幼少の みぎりより➡
Ever since you were a baby, Young Lord,
護衛と お世話を 仰せつかってまいりました｡
it's been my duty to protect and care for you.
You are so very dear to me!
失礼ですが かわいくて しゃあないんです！
なんとかしてくだされ この気持！
Please try to understand how I feel!
若～！ 危な～い!!
Young Lord! Look out!
この 腐れｶﾞﾗｽが～!!
Damn crow!
How dare you poop on my Young Lord!
(東城)若に なんという無礼を！
I'll skewer and roast you like chicken!
(東城)焼き鳥に してくれるわ～!!
(土方)そうか… 総悟が やられたか…｡
I see...so they got Sogo.
ﾌﾌ… いい気味だ…｡
Serves him right.
(新八)土方さん それ ﾀﾊﾞｺじゃないです｡
Hijikata-san, that's not a cigarette.
どっから 拾ってきたんですか？
Where'd you get that?
ちょっと しっかりしてください｡ 大丈夫ですか!?
Come on. Pull yourself together. Are you all right?
すごい出血じゃないですか…｡
You're bleeding a lot.
Seems we both underestimated each other...
あっちも こっちを 見くびっていたようだが➡
どうやら こっちも 考えが…｡ 土方さん… 燃えてます｡
I assumed it'd be easier.
Hijikata-san, it's burning.
I thought they only knew dojo swordplay, but I was totally wrong.
ただの 道場剣法だと思ってたが とんでもねえ｡
If their flunkies can fight like that, I worry about what's waiting for us.
三下でも あのﾚﾍﾞﾙとはな…｡ 土方さん…｡
Hijikata-san, that's very pretty.
先が 思いやられるぜ…｡ きれいです｡
だいたい ﾃﾒｴんとこの大将は どこ ほっつき歩いてんだ？
Where the hell is your leader, anyway?
えっ？ さぁ…｡ もう とっくに➡
Beats me.
Probably got taken out a long time ago.
やられちまってんじゃ ねえだろうな？
Kondo-san hasn't come back from the bathroom either. Is he okay?
近藤さんも ようを足しに 行ったきりなんですけど➡
大丈夫なんですかね～？
Are you sure you're okay, Hijikata-san?
ﾎﾝﾄに 大丈夫なんですか？ 土方さん それ!?
ｼｯ！
柳生…!?
Yagyu...!
The big boys are finally making their move.
(土方)いよいよ 本陣が 動き出したようだ…｡
Hey! They're headed straight this way.
ちょっと… まっすぐ こっちに来ますよ！
どういうこった!? なんで ｵﾚたちの居場所が…！
What's going on? How did they spot us?
Look at what you've got in your mouth!
ｵﾒｴが その口に くわえてるものを見ろ～!!
This is bad. Let's retreat for now.
まずい！ いったん退くぞ！ あぁっ… はい！
Right!
近藤さん 早く！
Kondo-san, hurry up!
Come on out. We've got to run! The enemy is...
出てきてください 逃げますよ！ 敵が…!!
近藤さん…？
Kondo-san?
There's no answer? Did he leave?
あれ？ 返事がない｡ 行っちゃったかな？
《近藤:か… か… 紙が～!!》
Pa-Pa...!
The paper!
土方さん！ 近藤さん もう いないみたいです｡
Hijikata-san! Looks like Kondo-san's not here anymore.
(土方)しかたねえ｡ 行くぞ!! は… はい！
We have no choice. Let's go!
Right.
ちょ… 待て～！ ﾄｼ～!!
W-Wait! Toshi!
The paper's forsaken me! I'm still in here!
[Note: Pronunciation for "paper" is the same as "god."]
紙が… 紙が ｵﾚを 見放した～！ ｵﾚは まだ ここにいるぞ～！
There's no toilet paper. I haven't wiped my butt yet!
(近藤)紙が ねえんだって！ まだ ｹﾂ 拭いてねえんだって～!!
(近藤)えっ？ ｳｿ？ ﾏｼﾞで？
This can't be! Did you really?! Did they really leave?
(近藤)ﾏｼﾞで 行っちゃった!? 新八君！ ﾄｼ～!!
Shinpachi-kun! Toshi!
This sucks! I'm stranded in enemy territory with crap on my butt!
《最悪だ～！
敵地の真ん中で ｹﾂまる出しで 放置!?
これって 何!? 例えるなら ﾎﾜｲﾄﾍﾞｰｽに ｹﾂ撃たれまくる ｶﾞﾙﾏ!?
[Note: Spoof of Mobile Suit Gundam 0079.]
This is like when Garma got his ass shot by White Base.
どうするんだ ｵｲ！ どうすればいいんだ これ!?
What am I supposed to do?!
If I don't quickly do something, the enemy will find me!
早くしないと 敵が！ 何か 拭くもの～!!
I need something to wipe with!
待て！ 落ち着け 勲！
Wait! Calm down, Isao!
ここは 厠｡ ｵﾚのいる部屋以外にも 個室は ３つある！
This is a bathroom.
There are three other stalls.
The odds of all four being out of toilet paper are astronomical!
これら ３つの個室のﾄｲﾚｯﾄﾍﾟｰﾊﾟｰが すべて 切れている確率など➡
天文学的数値に等しい！
There's got to be a few sheets...somewhere!
必ず 紙は どこかに… ある!!
おっ!? いる！ 誰か いる!!
Someone's in here!
ｵﾚ以外に ｳﾝｺをしてるﾔﾂがいる！
Someone is crapping in here besides me. What luck!
勝機!!》
I need help!
助けてくださ～い!!
I'm trapped in here! And I ran out of toilet paper.
(近藤)紙が… 紙が 切れてしまって➡
身動きが 取れないんです！ お願いです！
Please... Can you please spare me a little?
少しでいいから 紙を… 紙を 恵んでもらえませんか～!?
The God of toilet paper has abandoned this place.
(銀時)紙も仏も ねえよ…｡
(近藤)えっ!? え～っ!? 今 ない って言いました!?
Huh? What did you just say? You're kidding, right?
(近藤)ｳｿでしょう!? ｳｿだよね～!? ちょっと…！
Shut up, Gorilla, or I'll throw shit at you.
うるせえ ｺﾞﾘﾗ｡ 黙ってろ｡ ｳﾝｺ 投げるぞ～！
Huh? That voice?! Are you, Odd Jobs?!
あれ？ おい その声！ お前 万事屋か～!?
Hey! What're you doing here?!
(近藤)おい！ お前 なんで こんなところに いるんだよ～!?
You know. We both came for the same reason.
こんなところに いるんだ｡ 目的は みんな ひとつだろう？
(近藤)はぁ～っ!? お前 なに？
What? You mean...
I was wondering where you were,
今まで どこ行ってたかと思ったら なに!?
３話にも わたって ｳﾝｺ～!? どんだけ 長えの～!?
but does that mean you've been here for three episodes?!
Do you realize the rest of us have been locked in a desperate struggle?
お前 みんなが 今まで どんだけ苦しんで➡
戦ってたと思ってんだ!? お前…➡
Do you realize I've been locked in a desperate struggle of my own?
ｵﾚが 今まで どれだけ苦しんで 戦ってたと思ってんだ？
I think the bean bun I ate this morning was bad.
朝 食った 豆ﾊﾟﾝがよ～ 腐ってたらしくてよ～｡
I shouldn't have bought so much when it was on sale.
安売りしてたの 大量に 買いだめしてたのが➡
悪かったんだなぁ あれ…｡
You really like bean buns, Gin-chan.
((神楽:銀ちゃん 豆ﾊﾟﾝ 好きｱﾙな！))
Just when I thought I got it all out of my system, this happens.
ようやく 体内の毒素 ぜ～んぶ 排出したと思ったら このｻﾞﾏだよ｡
I'm detoxed and depressed...
もうね ﾃﾞﾄｯｸｽっつうか がくっとす っつうか…｡
You can't be serious!
冗談じゃねえぞ！ このままじゃ 出れねえぞ！
We have to get out of here.
There's got to be some paper in one of these stalls.
絶対 どっかの個室に あるはずだ！
んっ？
(敏木斎)くゎ…➡
Paaaaper...
紙を くれ～！
(近藤)ｷﾞｬｰｯ!! んっ？
What's the matter?
どうした!? よ… よ… 妖怪… 妖怪が いた!!
A g-ghost...! There's a ghost! Like a miniature Yoda.
なんか ちっこい ﾖｰﾀﾞみたいだ～!!
そりゃあ 妖怪 便所童だな｡
That's the toilet specter.
[Note: Spoof of the Japanese spirit "Zashiki Warashi" which lives in a house, but this one lives in a toilet.]
Was it Otae-chan? I think it was her cooking.
The toilet specter?!
(近藤)便所童!? ﾄｲﾚｯﾄﾍﾟｰﾊﾟｰが切れて➡
It's what happens to people who get trapped in a bathroom with no way of wiping.
便所から出られなくなった者の 哀れな末路さ｡
After I ate her cooking, it started spewing out...
ﾏｼﾞでか？ おい このままじゃ ｵﾚたち➡
Are you serious?
We're going to end up toilet specters too!
妖怪 便所童になっちまうぞ！ そうだよ｡
That's right. So hurry up and find some paper.
だから 早く どっか行って 紙もらってこい！
(近藤)ｹﾂ丸出しで 行けっていうのかよ！
You want me to go out there with my butt exposed?
全部 脱いだほうがいいな｡
Better if you take everything off.
If anyone asks, just say, "I'm Bigfoot, got a problem with that?" Be natural.
｢ﾋﾞｯｸﾞﾌｯﾄですけど何か？｣ 的な感じで｡
自然な感じで行ってこい｡
Why don't you go?! All you've done this whole time is detox, anyways!
(近藤)つうか ｵﾒｴが行けばいいだろう！
どうせ 今まで ﾃﾞﾄｯｸｽしかしてなかったんだ｡
Make yourself useful!
少しは 役に立て！ どうせ お前 あれだろう？
All you've been doing is providing commentary on other people's battles.
他人のﾊﾞﾄﾙを横で解説する ﾔﾑﾁｬみてえなことしか➡
やってねえんだろう？ (近藤)失礼なこと言うな！
How dare you! Commentary is a thing of value!
天津飯くらいまでは 役に立ってました！
天さんも ﾔﾑﾁｬも 似たようなもんだ！
A monkey can do commentary.
What?!
(近藤)なに～っ!? (東城)いやいや｡
My, my. Sorry to interrupt.
(東城)ご迷惑をおかけして すみませんね｡
We don't usually use these restrooms.
ここの厠は ふだんから あまり使われていなくてね｡
ですから 紙の補充も 不十分なのですよ｡
That's why we haven't restocked the paper.
さらに ｴｺ的な観点から➡
And from a green perspective, we use toilet paper without tubes.
ﾄｲﾚｯﾄﾍﾟｰﾊﾟｰには 芯のないﾀｲﾌﾟを 採用しています｡
So of course it's impossible to unwind the core and use that to wipe with.
芯をほぐして 拭こうという目論見も➡
当然 不可能なわけです｡
袋の鼠です｡
You are trapped like rats. How shall I finish you off?
さぁ どう料理してあげましょうか？
土方さん 大丈夫ですか？
Hijikata-san, are you okay?
ｸｿ… ﾀﾊﾞｺやめようかな｡ しっかりしてください！
Damn...maybe I should quit smoking.
Shape up!
(土方)しかし えらく 足の速い野郎だ｡
That guy's awfully fast.
ｺｲﾂは 逃げ切れるもんじゃねえな｡
We can't outrun him.
行け！
Go.
土方さん!? 心配すんな ﾃﾒｴのためじゃねえよ｡
Hijikata-san?!
Don't worry. I'm not doing this for you.
言ったろ？ ｵﾚは ｹﾝｶしに来ただけだ｡
I told you. I just came here to fight.
ｵﾒｴがやられたら このｹﾝｶ 負けなんだよ｡
If you're defeated, we lose the fight.
Go find your sister.
姉貴に会え｡ たとえ この勝負に勝とうが➡
Even if we win this battle, if your sister won't change her mind,
ﾃﾒｴの姉貴の気持が 動かねえようなら➡
it will all have been for nothing.
連れ戻すことなんざ できやしねえよ｡
The mayonnaise...will be on me.
ﾏﾖﾈｰｽﾞ おごります！
(九兵衛)あれが大将か… ずいぶんと情けない大将だ｡
So that's your captain?
Such a sorry captain-running off and leaving his injured teammate behind.
傷ついた仲間を 置いて逃げるとは｡
言っておくが うちの大将は ｷﾐたちには倒せん｡
Just so you know, you cannot defeat our captain.
おじいさまは ﾎﾞｸの剣の師｡
Grandfather taught me the sword.
He's a master swordsman considered the greatest the Yagyu clan has ever produced.
柳生家 歴代の当主のなかでも 最強とうたわれる剣豪｡
あの… ﾋﾞｯｸﾞﾌｯﾄなんだけれども…｡
Uh...I'm Bigfoot... Do you have any toilet paper?
あれ… ﾃｨｯｼｭとか持ってな～い？
何やってんですか？ 敏木斎様｡
What're you doing, Binbokusai-sama?
(敏木斎)もう！ 全然 通じてねえじゃん！
That didn't work at all!
ﾊﾞｶだろ ﾎﾝﾄにやるか？ ﾊﾞｶだろ！
Idiot. You actually tried it? You're an idiot.
敏木斎様… 大将に あまり勝手に ｳﾛｳﾛされると困ります｡
Binbokusai-sama, we can't have our captain wandering around by himself.
It could keep us from winning.
勝てるものも 勝て… うっ!!
(九兵衛)悪いが この勝負は 最初から➡
I'm afraid this battle was decided before it ever began.
結果の決まった勝負だったのさ｡
今頃 残りの仲間も 東城にやられていよう｡
By now, Tojo has probably defeated the rest of your team.
あれは 四天王一の腕を持つ男｡
He is the most skilled of the Four Aces.
ｷﾐを そこまで痛めつけた他３人とは➡
There's no comparison between him and the other three who beat you so badly.
比べものにならんほどのな｡
おおぉぉぉっ!!
お… ｵﾊﾞﾊﾞの野郎！
Damn Granny! I knew that egg this morning was bad!
やっぱ 朝の卵も傷んでやがった～!!
うがあぁぁ…!!
ｵﾚたちはな いつ何時が 今生の別れになるかもしれねえ➡
We live everyday not knowing when we might bid farewell to this life.
生活を送ってる｡
I don't care if one of my comrades bites the dust.
仲間がくたばろうが 知ったこっちゃねえ｡
I'll just kill that many more to make up for it.
その分 多く ｵﾚが敵を斬るだけだ｡
ﾔﾂらに 憂いの言葉なんていらねえ｡
They don't need any sad words. All I can do for them is...
ｵﾚにできるのは ただ ﾔﾂらと同じ場所で➡
keep fighting until I croak too...and give my best, like they did.
くたばるまで戦うことだけだ｡
ｱｲﾂらと同じ 極限のな｡
(４人)極限だな…｡
...Is this our best?
♪♪～
[Today's menu Omelet, Egg and...]
(お滝)輿矩様 いけませんぞ！
Koshinori-sama, you mustn't!
ここは 男子禁制… たとえ 御当主といえど➡
Men are forbidden!
You may be the lord of the Yagyu, but this is a sacred sanctuary for women only!
立ち入ることを禁じられた 女の聖域ですぞ！
(輿矩)ｵﾊﾞﾊﾞ そんなことを 言ってる場合ではないのだ｡
Granny, this is no time for that. Out of my way!
そこをどけ！ お妙ちゃん お妙ちゃんを呼んでくれ！
Otae-chan! Summon Otae-chan!
(お滝)なんですか！ また あの娘ですか？
What? That girl again?!
追い出せと言ったり 呼べと言ったり…｡
First you want her thrown out and now you want to summon her?
ｵﾊﾞﾊﾞは もう疲れました！
Make up your mind!
あの娘が出ていかないなら 私が出ていきます｡
If she doesn't leave, then I will.
あの子をとるか ｵﾊﾞﾊﾞをとるか はっきりしてヨ！
Choose that girl, or choose me!
(女中たち)そうよ そうよ！
Right! Right!
Don't talk like you're my girlfriend!
語尾をｶﾀｶﾅにするんじゃない 気持が悪いんだよ ｸｿﾊﾞﾊﾞｱ｡
That's disgusting, you old hag!
With all due respect, the Young Lord cannot rein in that woman.
失礼ですが 若様では あの娘の手綱は操れませぬ｡
とんでもない じゃじゃ馬！
She is an incorrigible tomboy!
(お滝)あれは 柳生家に 災いをもたらしますぞ｡
She will bring disaster to the Yagyu clan.
We already have a disaster.
(輿矩)災いなら もう起きてるよ｡
I don't know if they're dojo busters or what, but I'm at my wit's end.
道場破りだかなんだかしらんが まいってんだよ｡
九兵衛と あの暴れん坊四天王が 館じゅう 暴れ回っててさ➡
Kyubei and those wild Four Aces are wreaking havoc.
もう あちこち ﾎﾞﾛﾎﾞﾛだよ｡
They're tearing up the place.
What's more, one of the ones who barged in here is calling himself Otae-chan's brother.
しかも 乗り込んできた 連中の１人が➡
お妙ちゃんの弟を 名乗ってるらしい｡
どういうことだか さっぱりだ｡ 問いたださんと！
I don't know what's going on! I need to talk to her!
Her brother?! How frightening!
弟が… まぁ怖い！ やっぱり 一族全員➡
They are all of barbarian blood, after all!
野蛮な血が流れてるんだわ｡ (女中たち)怖～い！
How scary!
(お妙)どけ おらぁぁ～!!
Out of my way!
That's...!
あれは… お妙ちゃ～ん！
Otae-chan!
こら待て ｱﾊﾞｽﾞﾚ～!!
Stop! Hellion!
《新ちゃん… みんな…》
Shin-chan... Everyone...
まさか 敵の大将が➡
I never imagined the enemy captain would be an old man.
こんな じいさんだとは 思わなかったよ｡
だが 手加減はしねえ… 決着 つけさせてもらうぜ！
But we won't go easy on you. Let's settle this like men.
何を世迷い言を…｡
What're you talking about?
ｵﾇｼら ﾜｼに手も足も出せんぞ｡
You don't stand a chance against me. I guarantee it.
断言する｡
その言葉 そのまま返してやるぜ じいさんよ…｡
Right back at you, old man.
わかんねえのか？ すでにｱﾝﾀ 袋の鼠だ｡
Don't you see? You're already trapped like a rat.
そう はやらずとも あとで 皆さん➡
There's no rush. We'll butcher all of you.
血祭りにしてあげますよ…｡
But first things first.
しかし その前に やることがあるでしょう？
(みんな)誰か～！ 紙くださ～い!!
Somebody! Bring us toilet paper!
冗談じゃねえよ！
This is ridiculous!
Their captain is within striking distance and we can't do a thing!
大将 目の前にして 身動きひとつ できねえなんて！
だいたい 東城さんって いったっけ？
Tojo-san, was it? What's your problem, anyway?
ｱﾝﾀ なにやってんの!?
Weren't you gloating a moment ago?
(近藤)さっきまで ものすごい 優位にたってなかったっけ？
ｶﾞﾏﾝできなかったもので…｡
I couldn't hold it in.
I feel much better now.
あぁ だいぶ 楽になってきた気がする…｡
Oh no!
あっ やっぱﾀﾞﾒだ…｡
Do you know why we have two hands? It's so that...
腕が なんで２本あるか 知ってるか？
それはなぁ…｡ (近藤)早まるな 万事屋！
Don't go there, Odd Jobs! Don't lose hope.
希望を捨てるな！
Binbokusai-sama?
(東城)敏木斎様… ちょっと しゃべらなくなったんですけど➡
You aren't talking. Are you all right?
大丈夫ですか？ ﾀﾞﾒですよ！ 敵の策略ですよ!!
The enemy is trying to trick you!
まぁ 待てよ… 敵だの何だの 言ってる場合じゃねえぞ こりゃ｡
Hold on. This is no time to be talking about enemy this and enemy that.
ここに閉じ込められたままじゃ 勝負もｸｿも…｡
We can't do shit if we're stuck in here.
(近藤)ｸｿという言葉 使うな 今！ ｶﾘｶﾘしてんだから!!
Don't use the word "shit"! I'm upset enough as it is!
とりあえず 紙を 手に入れるのが先決だろう｡
The main priority is to get some toilet paper.
どうだ？ ｹﾂ拭くまでは 勝負は預けて➡
What do you say we postpone the match until we've wiped our butts?
協力しねえか？ 敵と組めと？
So let's call a truce.
Team up with the enemy? Do you think I'd fall for that?
そんな手に のると思いますか？
That stinks! How long are going to keep letting it out?!
っていうか くせえんだけど！
いつまで ﾌﾞﾘﾌﾞﾘたれてんだよ！
Tojo, we have no choice.
東城よ しかたあるめえよ…｡
Let's forget about the match and concentrate on wiping our butts.
ここは 勝負を忘れて ｹﾂを拭くことに専念しましょ｡
You say cooperate...but do you have any ideas, Odd Jobs?
しかし 協力するといったって 手はあるのか？ 万事屋｡
紙はなくとも 知恵はあるだろう｡
We don't have paper, but we have our minds.
Four adults together should be able to come up with something.
大人４人の頭をふりしぼれば なんとかなるさ｡
しかし 大人４人といっても➡
We're four adults, but we're four adults with poop on our butts.
ｹﾂに ｳﾝｺついた大人４人だぞ！
What can adults like us do? Are we even adults?
そんな大人に 何ができるんだ！
っていうか ｵﾚたちゃ大人なのか？
Don't belittle yourself.
自分を卑下するな… こういうときほど➡
These are the times when you need to keep the integrity of your spirit.
精神を高潔に保て… 人間 どんなになっても➡
Human beings must never lose their dignity.
品性だけは 失ってはいかん｡
Those are fine words, but the guy who said it has miso on his butt, too.
いいこと言ってるけど それ 言ってるﾔﾂも➡
ﾐｿつけてるからね これ！
まず 状況を整理しましょう…｡
Let's start by examining our situation.
今 この厠に ﾄｲﾚｯﾄﾍﾟｰﾊﾟｰはない｡
This stall has no toilet paper...nor does any stall.
個室すべて…｡
Because it is normally not used, it's unlikely that anyone will come.
ふだんから あまり 使われていない厠ゆえ➡
誰かが来ることも考えにくい｡
尻を拭いていない状況では 袴すら はけない…｡
We can't even put on our hakama without wiping our bottoms.
[Note: A hakama is a Japanese traditional skirt.]
So we cannot go and get help.
これでは 助けを 呼びにいくことも難しい｡
自分らで なんとかするしか ないってことか…｡
You're saying we're on our own?
とりあえず全員 持ってるもの 全部出せ｡
Start by taking out everything you've got.
うおぉ…｡
That's not what I meant.
誰が そんなもん出せっつったよ!?
I don't have any paper.
《紙など あるわけがない｡
If I did, I'd have wiped my bottom and killed them all.
そんなものがあれば とうに尻を拭き➡
全員 血祭りにあげているはず…｡
他の者もそうだ… そんなことは 全員 わかっているはずだ｡
The same is true for them. They all know that.
なのに なぜ こんな話を 切り出したか…｡
So why did he bring that up?
万事屋… ｵﾚには 読めているぞ》
Odd Jobs must know something.
《この極限の状況下に 共通の目的のため➡
Under these extreme circumstances,
working together will create a strong sense of camaraderie between us.
同じ行動をとることは 強い仲間意識を生む…｡
連中は 同じ行動をとることで➡
The enemy is trying to trick us into thinking they're not our enemy by working together with us.
自分たちが 敵ではないことを➡
私たちに印象づけようとしている｡
私たちに ｽｷをつくり そこを突くために…｡
They're doing it to put us off guard so they can attack.
恐らく このなかに 協力しようとしているﾔﾂは➡
There isn't a single one among us who plans to cooperate.
誰一人としていない…｡
If I show any opening, they'll get me.
ｽｷを見せれば やられる… それだけではない｡
Not only that...
敵をだしぬき 誰よりも早く 尻を拭かねば！
I have to outwit them and wipe my butt first.
後手に回れば 間違いなく やられる…！
If they beat me to it, they'll get me for sure.
紙…！》 《紙…！》
Paper...
《紙…》 《紙…》
Paper...
《みんな:神…！》
Paper...
Whoever gets his hands on some first wins the match!
《みんな:誰よりも早く 紙を手に入れた者が➡
この勝負 勝つ！》
おい なんか いいのあったか？
Found anything useful?
《さて どうでる…？》
How should I respond?
Nope.
ないな…｡ 私もありませんね｡
Nothing here, either.
《彼らの作戦に 私ものろうか…｡
Should I go along with their plan?
I'll show an opening, and when they attack, I'll...
ｽｷを見せ 食いついてきたところを…》
Hey, will this work?
(敏木斎)ねぇ… これなんて使えんじゃねえ？
Binbokusai-sama?!
《敏木斎様！》
I have sandpaper.
これ… あの 紙やすり あった｡
Sand...
《かっ… 紙やすりだと!?》
Did he say sandpaper?
Don't be ridiculous! It would rip our anuses apart!
《近藤/東城:ふざけんな！ 肛門が血だらけになるわ！》
Normally, that's what I would say...
《東城:と言いたい… ふだんなら》
But in this situation, sandpaper...
《近藤:しかし この状況で 紙やすりは…➡
抗菌剤と保湿成分を配合した 高級ﾛｰｼｮﾝﾃｨｯｼｭ➡
seems like the high-end lotion tissue "SCoTchie" with anti-bacterial moisturizers...
｢ｽｺｯﾁｨ｣に匹敵する代物に見える》
《東城/近藤:超 欲しい！》
I want it bad!
Don't be ridiculous, old fart!
ふざけんなよ ｸｿｼﾞｼﾞｲ！
Wiping with that will make us bloody all over!
んなもんで ｺﾞｼｺﾞｼしたら 血だらけになんだろうが！
《待て！ 落ち着け 万事屋！
Wait! Calm down, Odd Jobs! Don't let him fool you!
惑わされるな！ やすりという言葉に➡
Don't let the word "sand" trick you.
ごまかされるな！ やすりといえども➡
It's sand, but the word "paper" comes after it.
紙 という言葉がついてんだぞ！
It's the paper we're dying to get.
ｵﾚたちが ﾉﾄﾞから手が出るほど 欲しい紙だぞ！》
《いや 違う… この男➡
No, could it all be an act so we don't notice that he wants the sandpaper?!
紙やすりを欲しているのを 私たちに勘づかれないよう➡
芝居を打っている…》
I see. It's still in enemy hands.
《そうか… ﾌﾞﾂは まだ敵の手中｡
If they see that I want it, it'll show weakness.
これを欲すれば 弱みにつけこまれる！
By skillfully hiding that, and refusing,
ﾔﾂは それを巧妙に隠し あえて拒絶することで➡
Gin defuses the old man's interest in the sandpaper and intends to cunningly get it from him.
ｼﾞｼﾞｲの紙やすりへの興味を削ぎ➡
そのうえで あれを 手に入れるつもりだ…！
ｱｲﾂ… ｵﾚたちの数手 先までも 見据えていやがる…！
He's several moves ahead of us all.
ｵﾚは こんな とてつもない男を➡
I've been going against such an incredible fellow all this time?
いつも敵に回していたのか…！
いや… だが 今日のﾔﾂはｵﾚの味方｡
But today, he's my ally.
これほど頼れる味方はいない！
I couldn't ask for a more dependable ally. I'm going to back him up.
そうと決まれば ｵﾚも加勢だ！》
ｵﾎﾝ！ ふざけんな ｸｿｼﾞｼﾞｲ!!
Cut it out, old fart! Sandpaper?
紙やすり？ ﾃﾒｴは まず その やすりで➡
Try sanding your brain!
脳みそ 磨け！ 《させるか！》
I won't let you win!
Bimbokusai-sama, what we need is paper.
敏木斎様… 私たちの 探しているのは 紙です｡
そんなものは ｸｿの役にも立ちません｡
Sandpaper's no good to us.
さっさと便所に流しなさい｡
Flush it down the toilet and yourself along with it.
そして あなたも流れなさい｡ なんじゃ！
What?!
In this situation,
この状況で 紙やすりは 保湿成分を配合した➡
sandpaper is equal to the high-end lotion tissue "SCoTchie" with anti-bacterial moisturizers...
ﾛｰｼｮﾝﾃｨｯｼｭ ｽｺｯﾁｨに 匹敵する代物じゃろうが！
(東城)ｽｺｯﾁｨ？ 思い上がりも はなはだしいですよ｡
"SCoTchie"? Oh, don't be so presumptuous.
(近藤)紙という言葉に 惑わされるな！
Don't let the word "paper" fool you!
The word "sand" is in there too, you old fart!
下に やすりって ついてんだろうが ｸｿじじい!!
Hey, you two, that's going too far!
おいおい 言い過ぎだろ ﾃﾒｴら｡
まぁ なんか 使い道があるかもしれねえよ｡
There might be a way to use it.
Old man, let me have a look at that.
じいさん ちょっと見せてみ｡
《東城:ﾂ ﾂ… ﾂﾝﾃﾞﾚだとぉ～！》
H-H-H-He's...
playing Tsundere?!
[Note: Slang for a character that at first seems mean and nasty but later turns out to be nice. Commonly appears in Visual Novels as seen below.]
Oh come on, let me see it!
He was cold before and now he's turned nice!
《東城:これまでのﾂﾝから 一転してのﾃﾞﾚ!!
打ちのめされたところに➡
If he did that at the right moment...
この優しい言葉を かけられたのでは➡
Even a battle-hardened bar hostess would fall for him!
百戦錬磨のｷｬﾊﾞ嬢でも落ちる！
ﾊﾞ… ﾊﾞｶな… ここにきて そんな技が！
It's incredible! To use such a gambit...
This man...
まさか この男…》
《近藤:ﾌｯ… そのとおり｡
That's right. This man had everything figured out.
この男は すべて計算していたんだよ！
ｵﾚたちが ﾔﾂの作戦を読み取り それをﾏﾈ➡
He knew we would read his strategy, imitate it, and insult the old man.
He had it all figured out, and used it to his advantage...
ｼﾞｼﾞｲを責め立てるまで すべて先読みし➡
それを利用したのさ…》
《東城:ﾊﾞ… ﾊﾞｶな！
This can't be!
That would mean this man played me for a fool!
それでは 私は この男の 手のひらで➡
もてあそばれていたというのか》
((東城:ﾍﾍｯ… よ～し！
This... That...and finished!
そ～れ… あらよっと！ おぉ!!))
[Seipoop Taisei] [Note: Spoof of Seiben Teisei, the Monkey King.]
《東城:さながら釈迦の手のひらで あがく斉天大聖のごとく｡
Like...
I'm like Seiten Taisei struggling on the Buddha's palm.
[Note: Seiben Teisei, or the Monkey King is a mischievous character from a Chinese legend.]
な… 何という男… 格が違いすぎる｡
What an incredible man... He's in a league of his own.
負けた… 私たちの完敗…｡
We lost. We've been completely crushed...
あっ やすり!?》
Sandpaper?
(近藤)やすりだ！
Sandpaper!
Now all four of us have some.
これで ４人全員に行き渡ったな｡
What? What's going on?
《東城:な… なに!? どういうつもりだ？》
Old man! Odd Jobs! Are you really cooperating?
《近藤:ｼﾞｼﾞｲ！ 万事屋!! お前ら ﾎﾝﾄに協力…》
It's three-times rougher than I thought! And it's two-sided!
《やすりの目が 思っていた３倍 粗い！
しかも両面!? こんなもので 拭いたら➡
If I wipe my bottom with this, it'll rip the skin right off!
ﾎﾝﾄに ｹﾂの皮が ずりむけるぞ！》
(敏木斎)いよいよとなったら これで 拭くしかあるまい｡
In the end, we have no choice but to wipe with this.
まぁ ｵｽｽﾒはせんがのぅ…｡
Not that I'd recommend it, though.
Is he...?
《近藤:ｿﾞﾘｿﾞﾘ!? ｳｿ… ｳｿだよね？
No way...
The old man...couldn't be...
まさか あのじじい…｡
拭いている！ 間違いない… このやすりで拭いている!!
He's wiping! No doubt about it! With this sandpaper!
ﾊﾞ… ﾊﾞｶな!? ｹﾂ毛の濃いｵﾚでさえ 恐れおののく代物だぞ！
I-It's unbelievable!
Even with my thick butt hairs, this scares the hell out of me.
仙人… はるか東方の地で➡
He's a sage...
[Note: Like Pervy sage in NARUTO.]
A man who has toughened his butt on the burning sands of some remote eastern land...
焼けた砂に ｹﾂをつけては離し つけては離しを繰り返してきた➡
over and over and over again.
ｹﾂ毛仙人だとでもいうのか!?》
A sage with thick butt hairs.
《東城:ﾌﾌｯ 敏木斎様 考えましたな｡
Binbokusai-sama...that was brilliant.
これは すべて敵に 心理的圧迫を与えるための策…｡
This was all a ploy to apply psychological pressure.
紙も何もない状況で これを見せれば➡
In this situation, without toilet paper,
they'd be pressured into making a decision whether to wipe or not to wipe.
しぜん 拭くか否か 自らを追い込む｡
冷静な判断を失えば こちらの思うﾂﾎﾞ》
Once they've lost their presence of mind, they'd be at our mercy.
(やすりで こする音)
Old man, this is incredible! It's awesome!
いやぁ じいさん… これ すげえなぁ！
Huh?
ものすげえ粗いじゃん！ 《東城:あれ ｳｿ？ ｳｿだよね!?》
Coarse...so coarse! It really hits the spot!
No, he's fooling.
きくわ～！ 《東城:ま… まさか…｡
Wait a minute...no way...
拭いている？ いや 拭いてないよね？
Is he wiping? No, he couldn't be.
拭くわけないよ… いや やっぱり拭いてるよ！
No, he is... He's wiping with it!
これ拭いちゃってるって！ ﾊﾞｶな～!!》
Th-That's absurd!
If he wipes with this, he'll never be able to sit down again!
《東城:こんなもので尻を拭けば 二度と座れなくなるぞ！》
♪♪～
He's a Count...
《東城:伯爵…》
《東城:はるか西方の地…｡
In the far west...
ｱﾂｱﾂのｿｰｾｰｼﾞで 尻を叩かれ続けた…》
there was a man who whipped his butt with a hot sausage...
((ﾌｯ…))
(鐘の音)
called the Count of Butt Hair. Is that who he is?!
[Note: Spoof of The Castle of Cagliostro.]
《東城:ｹﾂ毛伯爵だとでも いうのか～！》
《近藤:えっ どうすんの？ これ｡ 拭くの？
What should I do? Do I wipe?
拭かなきゃﾀﾞﾒなの？ 拭く感じになってんの？》
Must I wipe? Am I leaning towards wiping?
《東城:ﾑﾘﾑﾘ ﾑﾘﾑﾘ… ﾑﾘだって これ！
No way, no way, no way.
ﾊﾞﾝｼﾞｰでもｽｶｲﾀﾞｲﾋﾞﾝｸﾞでもしますから これだけは…！
I'll bungee jump, I'll sky dive...anything but this...
いや やっぱ ﾊﾞﾝｼﾞｰ ﾑﾘ！》
No, nix bungee jumping.
But if I don't wipe, he'll get me.
《近藤:だが 拭かなければ やられる！》
《東城:勝つためには あの人のために勝つためには…》
To win...for the sake of the one I love...
《近藤:お妙さん ｵﾚは お妙さんの笑顔が➡
Otae-san...
I came here to see your smile one last time. For that, I'll...
もう一度 見たくて やってきた！ そのためなら…》
Young Lord...
《東城:若… 私は 若を守るためなら➡
I am prepared to do anything to protect and support you.
若の 志を 守るためなら 何だろうとする覚悟があります》
《東城/近藤:これ 紙じゃねえか～!!》
This is paper!
No! Just a minute!
《いや 待て待て… お前は お妙さんの顔で➡
Am I going to wipe my butt on Otae-san's face?
ｹﾂを拭くというのか？ そんなこと…｡
It'd be a turn-on in a way, but I can't!
いや ある種 興奮するけども できない やすりもできない!!》
Nor can I use the sandpaper!
《若… 私は若のなら 顔面で受け止めることはできます｡
Young Lord...
I would allow you to poo in my face. But to use your face for...
しかし 若の顔で できない… やすりもできない》
I can't do it! Nor can I use the sandpaper.
《近藤:お妙さん やすり…｡ (東城)若 やすり…》
Otae-san. Sandpaper.
Young Lord. Sandpaper.
とぉりゃあ～！
若！ お妙さん!!
My duty is to protect the Young Lord and further his ambitions.
(東城)私の役目は 若と 若の志を 守ること｡
若を勝利に導くためにと 無礼をはたらきましたが➡
I have done a very disrespectful thing to lead you to victory, Young Lord...
結局 私は 弱かっただけのようです｡
In the end, I...
...was weak.
But the next time...
しかし 次のときは…｡
いや やっぱ やすりは… ﾑﾘ！
No, I could never use...the sandpaper.
Otae-san...I'm sorry...
(近藤)お妙さん すみません｡
お妙さんの笑顔を この目で見ようと➡
I came this far to see your smiling face, but...
ここまで来ましたが…｡
But this is as far as I got.
《ｵﾚは ここまでのようです》
《近藤:ｵﾚってﾔﾂは…｡
I am such...a fool...
ほんとに… ﾊﾞ… ｶ…》
[The next episode...]
[Gintoki vs. Binbokusai]
"When someone who wears glasses takes them off, it looks like something's missing."
[Shinpachi's love... Otae's feelings...]
[Kyubei's past revealed.]