＜ｼｹた店だ…｡
＜今日まではな…＞
＜長谷川:誰かさんが 言ってたなぁ｡
施しを 与えてくれるような神様には➡
今まで お目にかかったことはねえ＞
(喚声)
＜女神がいた＞
(客)いよっ！ ｼﾞｪｼｶちゃん こっち向いて！
＜ｼﾞｪｼｶ… それが 女神の名前らしい＞
ｵﾚみてえな まるでﾀﾞﾒな ｵｯさんに➡
客も ｵﾚみてえな ｺﾞﾐｸｽﾞ野郎ばかり＞
＜ だが そんな はきだめの中に…＞
だが そんなのは ｳｿっぱちだ｡
♪♪～
ﾛｸでもねえ人生にも きっと いつかは 運が巡ってくると｡
(喚声)
(長谷川)あっ…｡
Someone said...
...that even if your life is worthless, it'll eventually bring good luck.
＜ どうやら ｵﾚにも 運が向いてきたらしい＞
But that's just a lie.
(衝撃音)
I'm a totally useless old man,
＜ とんだ勘違いだ…＞
(用心棒)金も持たねえで 店に入ってくるたぁ ふてぇﾔﾂだ！
and I've never heard of a god who would bestow charity on someone like me.
(用心棒)おととい来やがれ この野郎！
＜地獄の沙汰も 金次第とは よく言ったもんだ｡
[Teriyaki Western Bar JANGO] [Note: Spoof of the movie "Sukiyaki Western Django."]
金のねえﾔﾂぁ 所詮 負け犬ってっことよ＞
Until today, that is.
♪♪～
What a seedy bar...
There're so many shabby customers here that are just like me.
This place is a real dunghill, but...
(長谷川)うぎゃ～!! (衝撃音)
...there is a goddess...
Come on! Jessica-chan! Look at me!
[Note: Spoof of Sin City and the actress Jessica Alba who played the dancer.]
Jessica... It sounds like the name of a goddess.
♪♪～
It looks like my luck is changing.
Nope, I'm totally wrong.
《すばらしきかな人生だぜ ﾁｷｼｮｳ…》
You don't have any money and yet you walk into this bar?! What a loser!
Get out of here, you bastard!
How true is it, "There's one law for the rich, and another for the poor."
The poor guy is a loser dog, after all.
What a wonderful life. Damn it...
[The man who was run over by a mysterious old geezer is Madao, Taizo Hasegawa (38 years old).]
[Note: Madao (MArude DAmena Ossan) means a totally useless old man.]
[This is the "totally useless old man." Will something happen during his hospital stay?]
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Where did you get these?
(銀時)おいおいおい おい！ どうしたんだ？ これ！
竜宮城にでも行ってきたのか？ ばあさん｡
Did you go to Ryugujo, old lady? Your face does look like a prune.
[Note: Ryugujo is a palace at the bottom of the sea where the Dragon God lives.]
顔も ｼﾜだらけじゃねえか｡
(お登勢)殺すぞ 天然ﾊﾟｰﾏ！
I'm going to kill you, mop head! My friend gave these to me.
ｺｲﾂは 知り合いにもらったんだよ｡
The fridge broke, so they all went bad. Please help us throw them out.
冷蔵庫 ぶっ壊れて 全部 傷んじまってね｡
ちょっと ｱﾝﾀらも 捨てるの手伝っておくれよ｡
できることなら 食べるの手伝いたかったぜ｡
I wish I could help eat them. What a waste.
もったいねえなぁ｡ ちょっと ｱﾝﾀ…➡
Hey, you! Don't even think about eating these.
間違っても 食べようなんて 考えるんじゃないよ｡
ｶﾆは ｱﾝﾀ あたるとひどいからね｡
You'll get food poisoning from eating rotten crabs.
(新八)いいかげんに してくださいよ！
Stop saying things like that.
Even someone like me wouldn't stoop to eating rotten food.
いくら ﾎﾞｸらだってね…➡
腐ったものにまで 手ぇ 出しませんよ｡
When crab rots, it can't be eaten. But when a samurai rots, it's still a samurai.
ｶﾆは 腐ると食えねえがな 侍は 腐っても侍なんだよ！
(神楽)なめんなよ ばばあ！
Remember that, old lady.
はいはい じゃあ 頼んだよ｡
Yeah, yeah... Just get rid of it.
(ｻｲﾚﾝ)
Ow...
(銀時たち)ぐおぉぉぉ…｡
My stomach is spinning!
お腹の急降下～！
(ｻｲﾚﾝ)
That's why I told them not to eat it.
(お登勢)だから 食うなって言ったのに｡
They're so stupid...
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)ﾎﾝﾄに ﾊﾞｶな連中ですね｡
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)ぐっ！ おぉぉぉ…｡
ｵﾒｴも 早く 病院へ行ってこい ﾊﾞ～ｶ！
Hurry up and go see a doctor, too, stupid.
["The More Delicious the Food, The Nastier It Is When It Goes Bad"]
＜長谷川:人生… 落ちるところまで落ちれば➡
It's said that when your life drops to its lowest point, then there's nowhere to go but up.
あとは 上るだけ…｡ とかなんとか言うが➡
But I don't know where the lowest point is.
どん底ってのは いったい どこにあるかが わからねえ｡
とにかく 思い出すのは 悪いことばかりだ｡
Anyway, I only remember the bad things.
仕事を失い 妻には逃げられ➡
I lost my job, my wife left me and people called me "Madao."
ついた あだ名が ｢ﾏﾀﾞｵ｣｡
["I can't live with a Madao like you anymore. From Hatsu."]
Even kids held me in contempt.
子供にも 後ろ指さされる始末だ｡
I'm injured in mind and body, and God is still giving me unwelcome presents like this,
そんな 心身ともに 弱りきってるｵﾚを➡
あざ笑うかのように 神様は さらに➡
as if laughing at me.
災いのﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄをくれるなんて＞
ｸｸｸ… なんか もう 笑けてくるな…｡
There's nothing I can do but laugh...
ﾊｯﾊｯﾊｯﾊｯ…！ 殺せよ～っ!!
Just kill me already! You must hate me, right, God?!
ｵﾚのことが 気にくわないんだろ 神様っ!!
ｵﾚも お前なんて 大嫌いだ ﾊﾞｶ!!
I hate you, too, idiot!
Hasegawa-san...
(内野)長谷川さん！ もう…｡
Geez. I told you not to smoke in here.
こんなところで ﾀﾊﾞｺを吸ってちゃ ﾀﾞﾒって➡
言ったでしょ｡ あ… ｽﾏﾝ… つい…｡
Ah... Sorry...I just...
それから まだ あまり出歩いちゃﾀﾞﾒよ｡
And you shouldn't walk around yet.
ｹｶﾞにさわるわ｡ さっ 部屋に戻りましょ｡
It's not good for your injuries. Let's get back to your room.
あ… あぁ｡
Y-Yeah...
She's Uchino-san, a nurse at this hospital. She's a sweet person.
＜彼女は この病院の 看護師の内野さん｡
気立てがよく 面倒見のいい子で➡
なにかと ｵﾚの世話を焼いてくれる｡
Takes good care of others and gives me a lot of attention.
患者たちのｱｲﾄﾞﾙ的存在で 今のｵﾚにとって➡
To all the patients, she's like an angel.
For me, it's like a dream that she's taking care of me like this.
彼女とのふれあいは まるで 夢のようなものだ｡
だが その夢も 長くは続くまい｡
But this dream can't last...
なぜなら 夢とは…＞
...because a dream is...
な～にが食べ物は 腐る一歩手前が いちばんうまいだよ！
You said food tastes best just before it goes bad! That was completely rotten!
完全に 腐ってたんじゃねえか!!
Don't go blaming this on me!
なんでも 人のせいにしてんじゃねえ!!
Anyone past the age of sixteen is responsible for their own stomach, idiot!
男は 16過ぎたら 自分の胃袋に責任もて ﾊﾞ～ｶ!!
What?! You mop-head!
なんだと この天然ﾊﾟｰﾏ!!
You want to fight, Four-eyes?!
やんのか？ ﾒｶﾞﾈ君よ～！ 看護師さ～ん おかわり！
Nurse, seconds, please!
今日から この部屋に 入院することになった人たち｡
Ah, they just checked in today. Please get along with them.
仲よくしてね｡
Yes...my dreams always turn into nightmares.
＜ そう 夢とは いつも簡単に 悪夢に変わるからだ＞
Hey!
(婦長)ｺﾗｧｧｧｯ!!
ｱﾝﾀら 何やってんの～っ!! (内野)婦長！
What are you guys doing?!
Head nurse!
Stop it, you no good patients!
(婦長)やめんかい このﾀﾞﾒ患者！ (悲鳴)
(長谷川)うわぁ～っ なんでｵﾚまで!?
Why me?!
Please stop it, Head Nurse! Stop! Stop!
(内野)やめてください 婦長！ ｽﾄｯﾌﾟ ｽﾄｯﾌﾟ!!
(神楽)ねぇ おかわり お願いよ！
Hey, another helping please!
へぇ… 皆さん 長谷川さんの お友達なんだ｡
I see... You are all friends of Hasegawa-san.
よかったね 長谷川さん｡
That's good for you, Hasegawa-san. Now you won't feel lonely staying at the hospital.
これで入院生活も さみしくないじゃない｡
That's not it, Uchino-san. We both just have rotten luck.
やめてくれよ 内野さん…｡
ｺｲﾂらとは ただのくされ縁…｡ ちょいと ちょいと｡
Hey, hey. We're a little sensitive to the word "rotten." So, please don't say it.
今 くされたとか そういう言葉に敏感だから➡
やめて ほんと！
しかし ｱﾝﾀも つくづく ついてねえなぁ｡
But I guess you're really out of luck.
謎のｵｯさんの車にひかれた？
You were run over by a car driven by a mysterious man?
この管理社会においてさ…➡
It's rare to encounter a mystery man in civilized society.
謎のｵｯさんに 遭遇すること自体 希有だぜ｡
ねぇ なんで人の見舞いの品 当たり前のように食べてんの？
Hey, why are you eating all my get-well gifts as if it was yours?
長谷川さん 見てたら 食中毒ごときで➡
Hasegawa-san, you're a living reminder that there are worse things than food poisoning.
苦しんでた自分が ﾊﾞｶらしく思えてきましたよ｡
Thank you, Banana Old Man.
ありがとね ﾊﾞﾅﾅのｵｯさん｡
(長谷川)いやいや ﾊﾞﾅﾅのｵｯさんじゃなくて➡
No, no. It's not "Banana Old Man." It's "Old Man's Banana."
ｵｯさんのﾊﾞﾅﾅだから それは！
You're eating right after getting food poisoning? You guys must be really healthy.
食中毒になった直後に もの食べられるなんて➡
元気な人たちね… 長谷川さんも いっぱい食べて➡
Hasegawa-san, you should eat a lot and get well soon!
元気ﾓﾘﾓﾘにならなくちゃ！
Why is a healthy person like you eating it, too?!
(長谷川)なんで 元気ﾓﾘﾓﾘの人が 食べてんですか！
(内野)じゃあ 私 仕事に戻るけど➡
Well, I have to get back to work.
みんな仲よくね… うっ！
Please be nice to each other.
Ouch!
銀さん やっぱり ﾅｰｽって いいですね｡
...Gin-san, nurses are really amazing, aren't they?
例えばさぁ… ７点の子が いるとするだろう？
For example, take a woman who's a 7...
だが ﾅｰｽ服を着ることによって これが10点になる｡
Put her in a nurse's uniform and she becomes a 10.
Really? Then if I wear a nurse's uniform, I'll be awesome. What would my score be?
ﾏｼﾞすか！ じゃあ 私がﾅｰｽになったら大変あるよ！
いったい 何点あるか？ (新八/銀時)３点！
A 3!
ｺﾗ どういうことだ！
Hey, what does that mean?
But then I'd have to start from zero. Is it starting from zero? Hey!
(神楽)ｾﾞﾛからの出発か？ 逆境からの出発か？ ｺﾗ！
(長谷川)どうも おかしい…｡
But something's strange...
あ？ 内野さんのことだ｡
Huh?
...about Uchino-san...
元から ちょっと ﾄﾞｼﾞなところはあったんだが➡
She always was a klutz, but she's really out of her head these days.
最近は なんか ﾎﾞｰｯとしててな｡
人のﾊﾞﾅﾅを食べたりとか➡
She's not the kind of girl who'd eat someone else's banana.
そういうことする子じゃ ないんだよ ﾎﾝﾄは｡
なんだ？ まだﾊﾞﾅﾅのこと 引きずってんのか？
What? You're still pissed off about bananas?
ﾁﾝﾊﾟﾝｼﾞｰの生まれ変わりか？ お前は この野郎｡
Are you a reincarnated chimpanzee, you idiot?!
I'm not talking about bananas! I'm just worried there's something wrong with her!
ﾊﾞﾅﾅのことじゃねえよ！
なんか 調子でも悪いのかと 心配なの！
あっ…｡ ん？
Speak of the devil...
(長谷川)噂をすれば…｡
What is she doing? Why is her face all red?
(長谷川)何やってんだ？ あれ｡
顔 真っ赤にしちゃって どうしたんだ？
(長谷川)病室の中 のぞいてるみてえだが…｡
It looks like she's staring into that patient's room...
ﾊﾊｱ… 長谷川さん｡
Ah-ha!
Hasegawa-san, she looks to be sick, but not physically sick.
ｺｲﾂは 病は病でも 別の病らしいぜ｡
おいおい まさか…｡
Hey, hey... Don't tell me...
(長谷川)見ろよ じいさんだらけじゃねえか｡
Look, they're all old farts. There's no way she's lovesick for them.
恋わずらいなんて ありえんよ｡ ﾌｧｻﾞｺﾝだよ ﾌｧｻﾞｺﾝ！
She's got a daddy complex. Daddy complex.
ｼﾜだらけの玉袋 見てたら➡
Looking at wrinkled ball sacks made her remember her dead father.
死んだ親父の顔を 思い出したんだよ｡
Why ball sacks?! You could've just said "wrinkly face"!
(長谷川)なんで玉袋？ 顔でいいじゃん｡
You just like to say "ball sacks"!
お前 玉袋って 言いたかっただけだろ！
ん？ うおっ な なんだありゃ!? なんか 変なのいる｡
...Huh? Whoa! Wh-What's that?! There's something weird over there.
ん？ あれは…｡
Huh? That is...
ﾂﾞ… ﾂﾞﾗ!?
Zu...
...Zura?!
Hey, that's not very nice, you know...
(内野)もう ずるいよ…｡
...Spying on me from behind... Well, it can't be helped if you've already found out.
後ろから こっそり見てるなんて｡
まぁ ﾊﾞﾚちゃ しかたないか｡
そうなの… 好きなの あの人のこと…｡
That's right... I'm in love...with him...
なんにも 知らないんだけどね…｡
I don't even know anything about him. He's not even my patient.
担当でも 何でもないし…｡
でも 前に廊下で すれ違ったとき…｡
But when we passed each other in the hallway...
He had these intense and beautiful eyes... I can't stop thinking about him...
まっすぐで すごくきれいな 目をしていて…｡
気がついたら いつも あの人のことばかり➡
考えるようになっちゃって…｡
Hey, Uchee, I hate to say it, but that guy's trouble.
ｳｯﾁｰよ… こういっちゃなんだが➡
ﾔﾂは やばいぜ… ああ見えて 指名手配…｡
He doesn't look it, but he's a wanted-
I don't care!
(内野)いいの！ いいのよ…｡
That's all right... I kind of understood...
なんとなく わかってるから…｡
that he's someone I shouldn't get close to. He's from another world...
あの人は 私なんか 近づいちゃいけない➡
別の世界に生きてる人だって…｡
(内野)それに もう会えないし…｡
And I won't be able to see him again, anyway...
このまま 何も知らないままで➡
As it is... I don't know him very well... Just as a beautiful memory...I'll keep in my heart.
きれいな思い出のままで 胸にしまっておくつもり…｡
You're satisfied with that?
いいのかよ？ それで…｡
２人に話したら なんか すっきりした｡
Talking it out makes me feel a lot better. Thank you.
ありがとう｡
どうも桂さんは ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽさんの付き添いで➡
It looks like Katsura-san is here just to look after Elizabeth-san.
きてるだけみたいですね｡
Elizabeth was also run over by a mysterious old geezer.
ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽも 謎のｵｯさんに はねられたある｡
Really? There're so many mysterious old men around that no one's mysterious anymore.
んだよ 謎のｵｯさん だらけじゃねえか｡
もう謎じゃねえじゃん！
They're just ordinary old men!
ただのｵｯさんで いいんじゃねえのか？
That's not going to work at all. Ah, I know! Let's just call him "Na-san" for short.
[Note: Nazo means "mysterious." Thus Na-san.]
そうもいかないでしょ… あっ そうだ｡
これからは短縮して➡
なっさんと呼ぶのはどうでしょう｡
I really don't care.
(長谷川) どうでもいいわ んなことは…｡
銀さん ｱﾝﾀ 桂さんの友達なんだろ？
Gin-san, you're a friend of Katsura-san, right? Can't you do something?
なんとかならんもんかね？
あぁ？ ｷｭｰﾋﾟｯﾄﾞでも やろうってのか？
Huh? You trying to play cupid?
ｶﾐさんに逃げられた ｷｭｰﾋﾟｯﾄﾞの矢なんざ➡
An arrow shot by a cupid whose wife dumped him won't even pierce a tissue.
ﾃｨｯｼｭも射抜けねえよ… ﾎﾟｯﾁｰだよ ﾎﾟｯﾁｰ｡
It's like Pochy. Pochy.
[Note: Parody of Picky = Pochy]
You leave Hatsu out of this!
ﾊﾂのことは言うな！
Convincing a stubborn person like him is impossible. It's impossible.
だいたい あんな堅物 説き伏せるなんてﾑﾘだよ ﾑﾘ！
ｶｯﾁｶﾁだぜ？ 中学生だぜ？
He's really hardheaded, like a junior high school student.
それにｵﾚは ﾔﾂに借り作るのは ごめんだしな｡
Besides, I don't want to owe him anything.
お前ら 前に ｵﾚのｺﾝﾋﾞﾆ つぶした貸しは➡
You guys, when are you going to pay me back for wrecking my convenience store?
いつ返してくれるの？
Ah...
I had a series of misfortunes and was really depressed.
不幸続きで やさぐれてた気持を➡
あの子には だいぶ 楽にしてもらったんだよ｡
She really eased my heart, even though it was just part of her job...
あの子にとっちゃ 仕事の１つだったかもしれんが➡
いろいろ元気もらったんだよ ｵﾚは…｡
...she gave me hope.
ｵﾚも もうすぐ退院だし 何か返せるものがあるならよ…｡
I'll be out of the hospital soon, so I want to pay her back somehow... And, you know...
それに お前よ…｡
いい女は 幸せにならなきゃ いけねえもんだ｡
...a good woman deserves to be happy.
♪♪～
(桂)いよいよ 明日で退院か…｡
So they're discharging you tomorrow...
しかし 今回は 本当に災難だったな ｴﾘｻﾞﾍﾞｽ｡
But you really had a lot of grief this time, Elizabeth.
これからは 横断歩道を渡る際は➡
Next time when you cross the street,
たとえ信号が青でも 車を確認することだ｡
you've got to check for cars even if it's a green light.
Just hitting the stone bridge before crossing isn't enough in this mad world.
石橋を叩いて渡る程度では➡
今の物騒な世の中 渡っていけんぞ｡
石橋は ﾊﾞｽﾞｰｶで撃って渡れ｡
You need to shoot it with a bazooka before crossing.
Hmm... You may be young, but you know the score!
うむ… 若いのに なかなか いい心がけだ｡
But that's still positive thinking, right, Hasegawa-kun?
でも まだ甘いな… なぁ 長谷川君｡
ばばあが作る卵焼きより甘いな なぁ 長谷川君｡
It's sweeter than scrambled eggs made by an old lady, right, Hasegawa-kun?
[Note: A word play on the word Amai which has two meanings, "Optimistic" and "Sweet"]
(長谷川)そうですね 先生｡
That's right, Doctor.
After destroying the stone bridge with a bazooka,
石橋をﾊﾞｽﾞｰｶで破壊したあと➡
隣のｺﾝｸﾘでできた橋を ｼﾞｪｯﾄ機で渡るくらいじゃないと｡
you should cross over the concrete bridge next to it with a jet, right, Hasegawa-kun?
なぁ 長谷川君｡ (長谷川)先生｡
Doctor, I wouldn't know anything about crossing bridges.
それは もはや橋を渡ってません｡
ということで どうですか おにいさん！
Anyway, I have something to ask you, young man.
(長谷川) 健康診断とか受けてみません？
How about I give you a checkup?
Hey, what are you doing?!
(桂)おい 何をする！ ｺﾗ!! 離せ ｵﾚは健康だ！
Hands off me! I'm healthy. Where are you taking me?
(桂)どこへ連れていくつもりだ！
[Neurosurgical Wing]
(桂)結構だと言っているだろう｡
I said I don't need it.
ｵﾚは 自らの体を かえりみいている暇などない！
I don't have the time to worry about my own health.
国の病を治すのがｵﾚの役目だ！
Protecting the country is my only mission.
What are you saying, young man?
なぁに言ってんの！ おにいさん｡
ﾃﾒｴの健康も管理できねえﾔﾂに 国をどうこうできるかね ﾊﾞｯｷｬﾛｰ！
How're you gonna take care of the country when you can't even look after yourself?
ちょっとこれ見なさい… これ｡
Take a look at this.
This is a photo of your brain we just took.
さっき撮った ｷﾐの脳の写真だけれどもね…｡
(桂)そんなもの 撮ったおぼえはないぞ｡
I don't remember having that taken.
It was taken just a while ago, like "crunch," right, Hasegawa-kun?
さっき撮ったんだよ ﾊﾟｼｬﾘと！ なぁ 長谷川君｡
(桂)ﾊﾟｼｬﾘってなんだ？ そんなｽﾅｯｸ感覚で➡
"Crunch"? Can taking X-ray photos sound like eating a snack, Hasegawa-kun?
撮れるものなのか 長谷川君｡
ここ見てくれ！ ここ… 怪しい黒点が見えるだろう？
Please look right here. Here.
You see this ominous dark spot, right?
Huh? Hey, the dark spot has grown larger. What's going on?
あれ？ おい… 黒点が伸びたぞ！ どういうことだ？
いや！ ﾃﾒｴ 油性で書けって言ったろうが｡
No...
You bastard! I told you to use a permanent marker.
先生 やめてください｡
Doctor, please stop.
We don't want the patients to know we're having an affair!
患者たちの間でｳﾜｻになってますよ ｱﾀｼたち ﾃﾞｷてるって｡
(桂)帰る｡ まぁまぁ 落ち着いて！
I'm leaving.
W-W-Wait, please calm down.
このﾏｼﾞｯｸは あなたの脳の異変を わかりやすく図で示しただけです｡
The ink was only to mark the troubled spot!
あなた 今 頭の中 とんでもないことになってますよ｡
There's something terrible going on in your brain right now.
このまま ほうっておけば 近日中に間違いなく頭が…｡
If you don't take care of it quickly, in a matter of days your head will...uh...it'll go BOOM.
あの… ﾊﾟｰﾝってなりますよ｡ なに それ…｡
What's with that?
速やかに入院しないと あなた ﾊﾟｰﾝですよ！
If you don't check in to the hospital, your head will go BOOM.
頭ﾊﾟｰﾝだと？
...My head will go BOOM?
ふざけるのも たいがいにするがいい！
Stop clowning around.
《２人:やばい！ ﾊﾞﾚたか？》
Damn it! Did he find out?!
I can't fall ill when my country needs me! Please cure me!
国を救う大仕事を前に 倒れてたまるか！
なんとか治してくれ！
Ah...
《あ…》 《ﾊﾞｶだ！ この人》
This guy's a moron...
D-Don't worry. You'll be okay if you just check into the hospital!
だ… 大丈夫です 入院すれば簡単に治りますから｡
(桂)入院などしている暇はない！
I don't have time to stay in a hospital.
荒療治で結構だから すぐ治してくれ！
I don't care if the treatment is harsh. Just quickly cure me.
You're really something... It's not our fault if you die.
しようがねえ にいちゃんだなぁ 死んでも知らんよ！ 神楽坂君｡
Kagurazaka-kun, get me that thing!
あれを用意したまえ！ わかんねえよ!!
I don't what "that" is.
いいから 適当に用意しろ っつってんだよ！
Just prepare whatever. Or I'll kill you, Kagurazaka-kun.
殺すぞ 神楽坂君！
Anyway, we're going to take your Zentogen, so come over here... Zentogen?
[Note: Parody of Rentogen, the Japanese word for X-ray.]
じゃあ とりあえず ｾﾞﾝﾄｹﾞﾝ撮るから こっち来て！
ｾﾞﾝﾄｹﾞﾝ？ ｾﾞﾝﾄｹﾞﾝってなんだ 長谷川君｡
What're Zentogen, Hasegawa-kun?
知るか！ 自分の言葉に責任もて!!
How do I know? You're the one who wants it!!
まぁ あれだ… 病巣を叩く強力なﾏｯｼｰﾝだ！
Well, it's all right. It's a powerful machine that will uproot the source of your illness.
とりあえず ﾏｯｼｰﾝの中に入れ！ ｺﾞｰ!!
Get inside the machine. Go!
どれが ﾏｯｼｰﾝ？ まさか あれか!?
Where's the machine?!
That can't be...
いいから 入れっつってんだよ ほちゃ～！
Just get inside.
[Box says: Extra Stiff Adult Diapers]
Inside!
ｸﾞﾊｯ！
Let's do it! Beat him up so they'll keep him in the hospital!
おら 今だ！ しばらく 退院できねえ体にしてやれ!!
(銀時たち)とおりゃあ～！
(銀時たち)うわぁ～っ!!
Gintoki!
(桂)銀時！ こんなところで何をしている!!
What are you doing in a place like this?
おい これは いったい どういうことだ!?
Hey, tell me, what's going on?
桂さん ﾎﾝﾄ すまねえな！
Katsura-san, I'm really sorry. We have no resentment towards you. But just...
ｱﾝﾀには 何の恨みもねえんだ！ ただ…｡
て～い！
うおぉ～っ！ ほちゃあ～！
何も言わずに入院してくれ！
Don't say anything, just check into the hospital!!
(桂)血迷ったか！ ｷｻﾏら!! 返り討ちにしてくれる！
Have you guys gone mad?! I'll make you bite off your own heads!
(騒ぎ声)
うわっ！ おぉ～!!
(内野)長谷川さん！
Hasegawa-san!
What's the matter? What happened?
どうしたんですか？ 何があったんです！
(騒ぎ声)
内野さん… ｱﾝﾀ まだ若いんだ！
Uchino-san...You're still young...
簡単に あきらめちゃいけねえよ！
You shouldn't give up so easily...
♪♪～
長谷川さん…｡
Hasegawa-san!
(長谷川)うおっ！
My health isn't just important to me. It's for the country.
私の体は 私だけのものではない… 国のためのものだ！
そう やすやすとｷｻﾏらに くれてやるわけには…｡
I won't let you guys mess me up so easily...
≪ｺﾗ～！
Hey!
...Huh?
♪♪～
What are you guys doing?!
(婦長)ｱﾝﾀたち！ 何やってんの!?
(内野)婦長 やめてください 婦長｡
Head Nurse! Please stop, Head Nurse!
ぎゃあ～っ！
あぁ～っ!!
ぎゃあ～！
ぐぁ～っ!!
ｱﾊﾊﾊ… 殺せ！ 殺せよ!!
Kill me! Kill me!
(長谷川)殺せ！ 殺せよ～!!
♪♪～
ｲﾃﾃﾃﾃ…｡ ひどい目に遭った…｡
Ouch... Gee, what a mess.
Why do we have to stay in the hospital longer?!
なんで ｵﾚたちまで 入院 延ばさなきゃ ならねえんだよ｡
やっぱり 人の色恋に 首 突っ込むと ろくなことないね｡
Well, interfering with someone's love affairs can only bring bad luck.
But that's all right. Something like this happens only once in a while.
まぁまぁ いいんじゃないですか｡ たまには こんなのも…｡
桂さんも 見事 入院だって｡
I heard that Katsura-san was hospitalized after all.
なんか 婦長さんに ﾎﾞｺﾎﾞｺに されてましたもんね｡
Looks like the head nurse beat him to a pulp.
あとは 内野さんしだいですよ｡
The rest is up to Uchino-san. There's nothing more we can do.
ﾎﾞｸらに できることは もう 何も ないです｡
それなんだがね～ 内野さん 告白したらしいよ｡
Speaking of that... It looks like Uchino-san has confessed.
(長谷川)患者たちが 大騒ぎしてらあ｡
All the patients are so excited! It's like their Uchee has a boyfriend.
(長谷川)ﾎﾞｸらの ｳｯﾁｰに 彼氏が できちゃった って…｡
What?! You're kidding!!
えぇ～っ!? ﾏｼﾞで～!?
She was going to forget about him, but then she got her chance.
(長谷川)一度 あきらめたところに 舞い込んだﾁｬﾝｽに➡
She must have felt like she had to do something.
居ても立っても いられなくなったんだ｡
ﾌｯ…｡ 本当に そうかね～｡
Do you really think so?
んっ？
どっかのまるでﾀﾞﾒな ｵｯさんに…➡
A totally useless old man... Maybe he gave her some courage?
よけいな 勇気なんざ➡
もらっちまった からじゃねえのか？
…ﾊﾞｶ野郎！
Idiot...
♪♪～
There's no way a lady in love would notice a Madao.
(長谷川)恋する 乙女に➡
ﾏﾀﾞｵのことが 見えてるわけが ねえだろう…｡
But I still can't believe... About Zura...
しかし ﾏｼﾞかよ？ あの ﾂﾞﾗがね～｡
Ah, look over there.
(内野)ねぇ こっち こっち～！ あっ！ ほら あれ見てくださいよ｡
You see? Over there!
まぁ 楽しそうにしちゃって～｡
Wow, it looks like she's having fun.
It's so good to be young...
いや～ 若いってのは いいもんだね～｡ えっ…？
なんですか？ あれ…｡
Who's that?
It's her boyfriend with the intense eyes who's from a different world.
(神楽)まっすぐな目をした 違う世界を生きる 彼氏ｱﾙよ…｡
あ～ なるほど そういうこと…｡
...Ah, I see... That's what it is...
はい せ～の！
Here we go...
(みんな)ｽﾞｺｯ！
(看護師)ねぇ ちょっと 聞いた？ 内野さんのこと｡
Hey, did you hear about Uchino-san?
(看護師)聞いた 聞いた｡ 信じらんな～い｡
Yeah, I heard. It's unbelievable.
Why is she with that thing?
(看護師)なんで あんなのと…｡
I was certain she liked the guy with the long hair.
(看護師)私 絶対 ﾛﾝ毛のほうだと 思ってた｡
で あれでしょう？ あの変なのも ｸﾞﾗｻﾝの人と同じで➡
And, you know... That strange thing was also hit by a mysterious old geezer.
Just like the man with sunglasses.
謎の ｵｯさんに はねられたんでしょう？
That's right.
(看護師)そうそう｡ (看護師)いったい 誰よ？
Who is the mysterious old geezer, anyway?
(看護師)謎の ｵｯさんって…｡
｢謎のｵｯさん｣じゃ 長いから もう ｢なっさん｣で いいんじゃな～い？
Mysterious old man is too long, so why don't you call him "Na-san"?
Sounds perfect!
(看護師)そうね～！ (笑い声)
Excuse me, ladies.
(松平)ちょっと おねえちゃんたち…｡
お昼休みに 一緒に ﾗ～ﾝﾁでも どう～？
How about having lunch during lunch time?
[Spoof of scene from Sin City movie.]
["Gin-san Has Turned Into An Invisible Man"]
I feel awful. Am I still hung over from drinking sake last night? Here we go...
Huh? No one's here. Hey, Kagura, it's morning. Wake up!
Huh? Huh? What's this? I can't see myself! What does this mean? Eh?
It's not just that I can't see myself, but I'm also invisible! Wh-Wh-What's going on?!
Invisible man? Did I turn into an invisible man?!
Hey, Kagura! Oh, my god! Kagura, wake up! Kagura!
What? Gin-chan? You're too noisy this early in the morning... Huh?
Where are you, Gin-chan?
(いびき)
Even Kagura has turned invisible!
Invisible? Huh? I can't see myself? What's this? What's going on?
うぅ… うぅ～｡
♪♪～
I really don't know, but we've become invisible men.
気持わりい…｡
What?! An invisible man has appeared?
ゆうべの酒が まだ 残ってんのかな～｡
But an invisible man shouldn't be able to appear!
よっこいしょ～いちっと！
Stop saying things like "Mii and Kay."
[Note: Mii and Kay make up the PINK LADY duo band who's hit song was "Invisible Man."]
Anyway, we can't see ourselves! What does this mean?
D-D-Don't tell me that you're naked...right now, Kagura!
あれ？ 誰も いない…｡
お～い 神楽～！ 朝だぞ～！ 起きろ～い！
But I can't see you either, Gin-chan.
What?! Oh, it's true! This is really bad.
あれ？ あれ!? なに これ!?
Even if we're like father and daughter,
ｵﾚ 映ってないよ!? どういうこと!? えぇ～っ!?
a young man and girl naked under one roof is...
I'm not a little girl anymore.
映ってないというか ｵﾚ 全然 見えてないじゃ～ん！
No! Where's your common sense?! Don't say something like that!
どどどど… どういうことだよ!? 透明人間!?
ｵﾚは 透明人間に なっちまったってことか～!?
Sadaharu! He's invisible, too!
ちょっと 神楽～！ 大変だ！
Ow... Huh? I'm wearing my clothes.
神楽 起きろ～！ 神楽～!!
(神楽)う～ん… なにｱﾙか？ 銀ちゃん…｡
Even my clothes are invisible. What's really going on?
朝っぱらから うるさいｱﾙなぁ…｡
I'm completely naked.
What?!
って… あれ？ 銀ちゃん どこｱﾙか？
Just kidding.
Don't make fun of adults!
Ouch! You're so mean, Gin-chan.
だっは～！ 神楽まで 透明になってる～！
But I can't believe even Sadaharu is invisible.
(神楽)透明？ あれ？ 私 見えないｱﾙよ？
Ow, ow, ow! He's biting me! Biting! Sadaharu is biting me!
なに？ これ!? どういうことｱﾙか!?
Gin-san!
なんだか わかんねえけど➡
Oh, it's Shinpachi!
ｵﾚたち 透明人間に なっちまったんだよ｡
We have a problem!
Gin-san, we have a problem!
えぇ～っ!? 透明人間 現る現る ｱﾙか～!?
Ouch...
Shinpachi?! Don't tell me you're invisible, too.
でも 現れないのが 透明人間ｱﾙよ～！
なに ﾐｰとかｹｲみたいなこと 言ってんだよ！
Everyone in Edo has turned invisible.
つうか まったく見えてないって どういうこと～!?
But the strange thing is, even their clothes and glasses are invisible.
ままままま まさか 神楽…｡
I'm completely naked.
今… ﾅｳ… 全裸なのか!?
What?!
Just kidding.
I already told you, stop it.
そういう 銀ちゃんだって 見えてないｱﾙ｡
Ouch!
Anyway, we have to find the cause...
えぇ～っ!? あっ ﾎﾝﾄだ｡
Ow, ow, ow! He's biting me! Biting! Sadaharu is biting me!
って ｲﾔｲﾔ ｲﾔｲﾔ… まずいよ これ…｡
Sadaharu, stop it!
いくら 親子みたいなもんでも➡
Ouch! Kagura, that's not Sadaharu.
全裸の男女が ひとつ屋根の下って…！
Sadaharu, no!
Ouch! Kagura-chan, that's me!
私 もう 子供じゃないｱﾙ！ ﾀﾞﾒ～!!
Hey, Sadaharu!
心に ﾀﾞﾑは あるのか!? そんなこと言ったら ﾀﾞﾒ～!!
Ow! Kagura-chan, you knew all along and you're doing it on purpose?
Of course not!
Ow!
だぁ～っ!! ぐえっ！ (定春の 吠え声)
Anyway, regardless of what we're doing here,
(神楽)定春！ 定春も 透明になってるｱﾙ｡
the people watching us on TV can only see the background.
ｱｲﾀﾀﾀﾀ…｡ あれ？ ｵﾚ ちゃんと 服 着てんじゃ～ん｡
What the hell is going on?!
服まで 透明になっていやがら～｡ どうなってんだ？ これ…｡
[Director of Photography]
Ah, I forgot to turn on the cell.
[Cell A - Gin-san]
[BG - Yorozuya] [Cell C] [BG]
私は 全裸ｱﾙ｡ えっ!? ｳｿｱﾙ｡
Ah...
大人を からかってんじゃねえんだよ！
ｱｲﾀ～!! ひどいよ 銀ちゃん…｡
しかし 定春まで 透明になってるとは…｡
ｲﾀﾀﾀﾀ！ 噛んでる！ 噛んでる！
定春 噛んでるよ！ 銀さ～ん！
The next episode... "If You Want To Lose Weight, Then Stop Eating and Start Moving."
あっ 新八だ！ 大変だ～!!
銀さん！ 大変です!! (新八/銀時)どわっ！
[FASTING DOJO]
[Because they've been neglecting their health, Kagura and the girls are experiencing extreme weight gain.]
ｲﾀﾀﾀﾀ…｡ 新八… まさか お前も 透明に…｡
[They've come to the Fasting Dojo to go on a fearless diet!]
江戸じゅうの 人という人が 透明になってしまってるんです｡
それが 変なことに 服や ﾒｶﾞﾈなんかも➡
一緒に 透明になってるんです！ (神楽)私は 全裸ｱﾙ｡
えぇ～っ!? ｳｿｱﾙ｡ だから やめろって！
ｲﾀｯ!! とにかく 早く 原因を…！
ｲﾀﾀﾀﾀ！ 噛んでる 噛んでる！ 定春 噛んでるよ～!!
(神楽)定春 やめるｱﾙ～！ ｲﾃﾃﾃﾃ…！
神楽 それ 定春じゃない！ 定春 めっ！
ｲﾀｯ！ 神楽ちゃん それ ﾎﾞｸ！ ｺﾗ！ 定春！
ｲﾀｯ！ 神楽ちゃん ﾎﾝﾄは わかって わざと やってない!?
そんなことないｱﾙ！ ｲﾃ～ｯ！
って～！ ここで どんなこと やってても➡
ﾃﾚﾋﾞの前の みんなには 背景しか 見えてないんだよ～！
いったい どうなってんだ～!?
(撮影監督)あっ… ｾﾙ 置き忘れた｡