[A video game battle to win the new Bentendo OwEe game console.]
[The first battle is between Kondo and the mysterious plumber, Katsuo. Who will win?! The Odd Jobs or the Shinsengumi?!]
Now then, everyone, what kind of show
(店長)さて 皆さん 新型ｹﾞｰﾑ機 弁天堂 Owee｡
これを手に入れるために 選ばれた者たちが➡
will these chosen individuals give us in order to win the new Bentendo OwEe game console?
どのような戦いを 繰り広げるのか｡
それでは １戦目 ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰ勝負 始めぇぇ～!!
The first battle, the girl game challenge, will now begin!
["Life and Video Games are Full of Bugs"]
(近藤)ﾏﾘｵだか ｿﾆｯｸだか知らんが ｿﾞﾆｰ派のｵﾚには 関係ない！
I don't care if you're Mario or Sonic--it doesn't matter to me.
I'm a Zony fan! I'm going to give you a thorough thrashing!
[Note: Zony is a parody of Sony.]
完膚なきまで たたき潰してやる！
Whoa, what's this?!
(花野ｱﾅ)おおっと これは➡
The Shinsengumi is skipping all of the text without reading it.
真選組ﾁｰﾑ ﾃｷｽﾄの一切を 読み飛ばしていく！
早い！ しかし これでは 話の内容が 一切わからない！
He's fast! We can't tell what the story's about!
言ったはずだ｡ ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰを知り尽くした ｵﾚには➡
I told you that I know all about girl games.
新作だろうと 話の筋が読めると｡
I know exactly what I have to do, even in the new ones.
このﾊﾟﾀｰﾝは ﾊﾟﾝを くわえてやってくる➡
In this part, I'm going to meet the heroine by bumping into her.
ﾋﾛｲﾝとぶつかって ﾊﾟﾝﾂが見えるという 出会い方だ！
[This is bad. I'm going to be late.]
She's going to have a slice of bread in her mouth and I'm going to see her underwear.
There it is!
きた～っ!
Ow,ow,ow,ow,ow.
Hey! What are you looking at?
A swordfish?!
《ｶｼﾞｷｨｨｨ～!? 食ﾊﾟﾝじゃなくて➡
This girl is not going to school with a slice of bread in her mouth, but with a swordfish!
ｶｼﾞｷﾏｸﾞﾛくわえて 登校してきた この娘～!!
朝ﾒｼ 何食ってんだ!?
What does she eat for breakfast?!
What's the meaning of this?
どういうことでしょう これは？ (山田)『ﾊﾞｷﾎﾞｷﾒﾓﾘｱﾙ』のﾋﾛｲﾝは➡
The heroine of Bakiboki Memorial is quite different. She's rather eccentric.
ひと味違って かなりの天然という設定です｡
(近藤)天然もんだよ！ 相当の 活きのよさだよ これ！
She's eccentric?! This is pretty fishy!
《ﾏｸﾞﾛくわえた 生臭い娘を おとせってのか？
Are you saying that I have to bonk a smelly girl who has a swordfish in her mouth?
いや 落ち着け！ 何をくわえていようと➡
No, calm down. No matter what she has in her mouth, she's still a girl from a girl game.
所詮 ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰの女の子には違いない｡
Ａ 助け起こす｡ Ｂ 寺子屋へ急ぐ｡
"A, help her. B, hurry to school." The answer is, of course, to help her...
答えは もちろん 助け起こ…》
《近藤:ﾏｸﾞﾛじゃねぇぇぇ～!!》
Are you all right?
Not the swordfish!
Oh, he's gone down the swordfish route.
あっ これは ﾏｸﾞﾛﾙｰﾄに入っちゃいましたね｡
(新八)何だよ！ ﾏｸﾞﾛﾙｰﾄって!?
What's the swordfish route?!
From this point on, he'll become a swordfish and won't be able to feel anything or move for thirty minutes.
これから ﾏｸﾞﾛになり 30分 何も感じないし動けません｡
なんで しょっぱなから そんな 危険な選択肢があんだよ！
Why is there such a drastic choice right in the beginning?!
I-Impossible. All that data I've gathered up to now doesn't help!
ばっ ﾊﾞｶな！ ｵﾚの今までのﾃﾞｰﾀが 通じないなんて！
(花野ｱﾅ)30分のﾛｽ！ 真選組ﾁｰﾑ これは痛い！
Thirty minutes of lost time! This is quite a blow to the Shinsengumi team!
(桂)ﾌﾝ… 恋愛が ﾃﾞｰﾀどおりに いくものか｡
Love doesn't always go according to the data you've collected.
予測もつかない事態が起こるのが 恋愛というものだろう｡
Unexpected things always happen in love.
(桂)同じ轍は 踏まん｡
I won't make the same mistake.
Though B seems heartless, it's the correct choice.
一見 薄情と思える Ｂが正解だ！
That's terrible of you to dump me!
Why?!
(近藤)なんでだよぉぉ～っ!!
予測がつかないにも ほどがあるだろう!!
There's a limit to how unexpected things can get!
まさか ｶｼﾞｷで刺されるとは…｡
I never expected her to stab me with the swordfish...
やはり 恋愛は 奥が深い｡
Love really is deep.
恋愛じゃねえよ こんなの！
This isn't love!
どこの世界に 会って５分で ｶｼﾞｷﾏｸﾞﾛに刺される➡
What kind of world has a love story where the main character gets stabbed
with a swordfish just five minutes after meeting the heroine?!
ﾗﾌﾞｽﾄｰﾘｰがありますか～!!
Whoa! The Odd Jobs team has to start from the beginning.
(花野ｱﾅ)おおっと！ 万事屋ﾁｰﾑも 最初からやり直し！
両者 一進一退の互角の戦いです！
Both players are neck-and-neck!
互角とか そういうﾚﾍﾞﾙじゃねえだろう！
This is more than just even!
まだ ﾋﾛｲﾝの名前も聞いてねえぞ!!
We still haven't heard the heroine's name!
(男)おい～ 決着つくのに 何時間かかんだ！
Hey! How long is it going to take to settle this?!
そもそも ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰ勝負 ってこと自体 おかしいぞ！
Besides, it's weird to be challenging each other in a girl game!
おおっと 観客から 不満の声があがっておりますが？
Whoa! The spectators are voicing their discontent.
店長！
Manager!
Yes.
うむ｡
We shall hold the second battle simultaneously.
では 平行して 第２戦目を行います｡
[Nobunaga's Regurgitation] [Note: Parody of the game "Nobunaga's Ambition."]
ｹﾞｰﾑは これ！ 『信長のｹﾞﾎﾞｪ』｡
This is the game: Nobunaga's Regurgitation.
画面上から 泥酔した信長が➡
A drunk Nobunaga will vomit various shapes from above the screen.
さまざまな形の ｹﾞﾎﾞｪを 吐いていきます｡
これを 横一列に揃えると ｹﾞﾎﾞｪが消えて 敵の信長が吐きます｡
When you line them up in a row, the vomit will disappear...
And your opponent's Nobunaga will throw up.
画面いっぱい ｹﾞﾎﾞｪで埋まると 負けになります｡
When your screen is filled with vomit, you lose.
それ ただの 最低のﾃﾄﾘｽだろうが!!
That's just a terrible version of Tetris! What's with this screen?!
何 この画面！ 何 野望ｼﾘｰｽﾞっぽくしてんの!!
Why are you trying to make it look like it's part of the Ambition series?!
(銀時)新八 出番だ｡
Shinpachi, it's your turn.
Why me?
なんで ﾎﾞｸなんですか？ いや なんとなく｡
Well, just because...
(山崎)ｶﾊﾞﾃﾞｨ ｶﾊﾞﾃﾞｨ ｶﾊﾞﾃﾞｨ…！ (土方)山崎！
Yamazaki!
(花野ｱﾅ)おおっと これは 予想以上に 地味なｹﾞｰﾑに➡
Whoa! Bland looking players have been chosen to play this unexpectedly bland looking game.
地味なﾌﾟﾚｲﾔｰが 揃ってしまった！
That was unnecessarily mean!
余計な お世話だ！
Let the game begin!!
(店長)それでは ｹﾞｰﾑ ｽﾀｰﾄ！
(信長)ｹﾞﾎﾞｪｪ～ｯ!! うわっ 汚いよ！
Whoa, that's gross!! Who made this game?!
誰だよ このｹﾞｰﾑ作ったの！ 完全に悪ふざけだよ！
This is a complete joke!!
うっ… ちょっとぉ～!!
Hey! Nobunaga's thrown up a lot from the start!
信長 予想以上に 吐いたんですけど！
あれ？ なんで ﾎﾞｸのほうだけ？
Huh?
Why is it like that only on my side?
どういうこと!? 何で こっちの信長だけ➡
What's the meaning of this?!
Why is it that only my Nobunaga is completely drunk?!
こんなに 酔ってんですか？
He drank quite a bit yesterday, didn't he?
相当 昨日 飲んでますね これは｡
おそらく 本能寺の変の件で 深酒したんでしょう｡
He probably got smashed after the incident at Honnoji Temple.
[Note: Historically, Oda Nobunaga was attacked by his traitorous general Alechi Mitsuhide at Honnoji Temple.]
知らねえよ！ 昔のこと ひきずってんじゃねえよ!!
I don't care!! Don't drag things from the past with you!!
(花野ｱﾅ)真選組ﾁｰﾑのほうは あまり 酔ってないようですね｡
The Shinsengumi team's Nobunaga doesn't seem so drunk.
(山田)桶狭間でしょう｡
It's probably after the battle of Okehazama.
[Note: Historically, Oda Nobunaga (outnumbered 10 to 1) defeated Imagawa Yoshimoto in the battle of Okehazama.]
He probably had a good drink after his miraculous victory.
奇跡の勝利のあとで 気持よく 飲んだんでしょうね｡
どっちにしても 吐くまで飲んでんのかよ！
Both drank until they threw up?!
うぅっ ｷﾂｲ!!
This is tough!!
この量は さばききれない！
I can't handle this much vomit!!
(神楽)新八!! まずいなぁ｡
Shinpachi!
This is bad...
Shinpachi's begun to panic. He's lost his calm sense of judgment.
新八の野郎… 焦りで 冷静な判断力を失ってやがる｡
あれじゃ 消せる列も消せねえ｡
He won't be able to make the rows disappear like he would normally be able to.
それに比べて 向こうは 地味に ｺﾂｺﾂ 一列ずつ➡
In contrast, his opponent is slowly but steadily getting rid of each row.
着実に 消しにかかっている｡
この勝負 地味な手に徹したほうが 勝利を手にする｡
The person who uses the blandest method will win this battle.
新八の野郎 それに気づかないと 負けるぜ｡
Shinpachi will lose if he doesn't realize this.
(近藤)ﾌﾝ… どうやら向こうは 勝負あったようだな｡
It looks like that challenge has already been decided.
いや こちらもというべきか｡
I should say, it's been decided on this side as well.
ｵﾚは ﾏｸﾞ子ちゃんとの ﾃﾞｰﾄの約束に こぎつけたぞ｡
I managed to set up a date with Maguko-chan.
(桂)ﾌﾝ… 親同伴で？
With her mother tagging along? You can't really call that a date.
それは ﾃﾞｰﾄとは言わんだろう｡
Isao-san!
なにを！ お前はどうなんだ？
What? What about you?! You still haven't even set up a date.
ﾃﾞｰﾄの約束すら…｡ したさ… ２人っきりで｡
I did. With just the two of us.
なに!?
What?!
Katsuo-kun!
With her mother?!
(近藤)って お母さんとかい～!!
Why are you hitting on her mother?!
なんで お母さん 口説いてんだ！ お前～！
旦那さんを 早くに亡くして 寂しいと言うんでな｡
She said she lost her husband earlier and she's lonely.
いや これ ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰだよ！ 昼ﾄﾞﾗじゃないんだよ!!
This is a girl game! This isn't a soap opera!
(花野ｱﾅ)これは なんと ﾒｲﾝﾋﾛｲﾝ ほったらかし！
This is amazing! He's ignored the main heroine and went on to seduce her mother.
その お母さんを 口説いてしまったようです！
(花野ｱﾅ)これは まずい｡
Where shall we go today?!
This is bad. If he doesn't bonk Maguko, he cannot win this battle.
ﾏｸﾞ子ちゃんを おとさないと この勝負は 勝利になりません！
《まずい… ﾂﾞﾗの人妻好きが 災いしたか》
This is bad. Zura's love of housewives has turned problematic!
ﾊ～ｯﾊｯﾊｯﾊｯ！ 勝負あったな！
This challenge has been decided! Even if her mother's with her, this is a da...
親同伴とはいえ こちらは 立派な ﾃﾞｰ…｡
This jar is called the Jar of Happiness.
Right now, you can buy it for just ten million yen.
Isn't that cheap?
(花野ｱﾅ)ｶﾓられたぁぁ～！ 向こうは 彼というより➡
He's being suckered! They see him as a sucker, not a boyfriend.
ただのｶﾓとしか とらえてなかったようです！
しかも 選択肢がなんやかんやで ﾂﾎﾞを買うしかありません！
[What will you do? A) Buy the jar B) Be happy]
Furthermore, because of his choices, he has to buy the jar.
ｹﾞｰﾑｵｰﾊﾞｰ… これは ｷﾂｲ…｡ ここまできて➡
It's game over! This is harsh! He's come this far only to start all over again.
[You are on a tuna fishing boat.]
最初から やり直しです！
[Would you like to start from the beginning? Yes No]
Tsk! I messed up... She still didn't like me enough to let me ask her on a date... Oh well.
ﾁｯ しくじった｡ ﾃﾞｰﾄに誘うには➡
まだ 好感度が 足りなかったか｡ まぁいい…｡
向こうは ﾒｲﾝﾋﾛｲﾝを おとすどころじゃないんだ｡
The other side isn't going to bonk the main heroine any time soon.
ｶﾂｵさん 私たち ２人だけで暮らすには➡
Katsuo-san, my daughter is in our way.
もう ｼﾞｬﾏなあの子を 殺すしかないわ｡
In order for us to live together, we have to kill her.
(近藤)ﾌﾟﾌﾟｯ もはや ｻｽﾍﾟﾝｽｹﾞｰﾑだな｡
It's turned into a suspense game!
私が あの子を 崖に誘い出すから➡
I'll lure her out and you bonk her off the cliff!
あなたが あの子を 崖から落として！
Huh?
(近藤)ええっ!? (花野ｱﾅ)おおっと！
Whoa! There's suddenly an indication that the main heroine Maguko is going to get bonked.
思わぬところで ﾒｲﾝﾋﾛｲﾝ ﾏｸﾞ子をおとす ﾌﾗｸﾞが立ちました！
Bonked? What?! Is that what they meant?!
おとすって何!? そっちの落とすだったの!?
ちょっと待て～！ だって そんな… え… ちょっ…｡
Hold on a second! No way... Huh? Hey...
《まさか ｺｲﾂ… それを狙って お母さんに近づいていた？》
Was he going for that from the start?
Is that why he approached her mother?!
言ったはずだ｡ 恋愛には 何が起きるかわからんと…｡
I told you that you can't predict what's going to happen in love.
(花野ｱﾅ)決まったぁぁ～!!
It's over! This settles things!
これは決まりでしょう｡ ついに 真選組ﾁｰﾑ➡
The Shinsengumi team has taken his hands off his controller...
ｺﾝﾄﾛｰﾗｰから 手が！
ｹﾞﾎﾞｪｪｪ～…！
うぐっ！ (山崎)新八君 残念だよ｡
Shinpachi-kun, too bad for you.
ｷﾐなら ｵﾚと同じ境地まで たどり着けると思っていたのに➡
I thought you would be on the same level as me.
どうやら 見込み違いだったらしい｡
It looks like I was wrong.
目立たないといっても ｷﾐには 伝家の宝刀 ﾂｯｺﾐがある｡
Even if you don't stand out, you've still got your straight man comments.
ﾐﾝﾄﾝと ｶﾊﾞﾃﾞｨしかないｵﾚとは 所詮 格が違ったんだ｡
I only have badminton and kabaddi. We're of a different class.
ｷﾐと ｵﾚとじゃ 地味の器が違う｡
You and I are of different levels of blandness.
あっ！
(花野ｱﾅ)終わったぁぁ～!!
It's over! This is probably it.
これは 終わりでしょう！ 万事屋ﾁｰﾑ ついに ｺﾝﾄﾛｰﾗｰから➡
The Odd Jobs team has taken his hands off his controller...
手が 離…｡ (機械音)
(花野ｱﾅ)何の音だ？ (機械音) これは…｡
What is this sound?!
ああ～!! (機械音)
Oh!
Wh-What's this?! Maguko's nipple!!
これは… ﾏｸﾞ子の乳首が！
ｺﾏﾝﾄﾞ調べるで 小刻みに 何度も調べられているぅ！
He's using the command to inspect it over and over!!
And what's this?! Vomit is being slammed against the wall between the players!
そして これは!? ｹﾞﾎﾞｪが 対戦者を仕切る➡
画面の壁に叩きつけられている！
彼らは まだ死んでいなかった！
They're not dead yet!
連打です！ とてつもないｽﾋﾟｰﾄﾞで➡
They're getting in rapid hits!! Maguko's nipple is being poked at incredible speeds!
ﾏｸﾞ子の乳首を 突っついています！
そして こちらは… 定規です！
And on this side...he's using a ruler!! He's using a ruler to make rapid hits!!
定規を叩いたときのﾌﾞﾚを 利用している！
地味です 地味でせこいが すごい威力だ！
It's bland. It's bland and unfair, but they have incredible power!
ﾑﾀﾞだ！ ｵﾚが ﾏｸﾞ子を殺す前に➡
It's useless! Are you saying that you're going to bonk Maguko before I kill her?!
彼女を落とそうとでもいうのか！
何がしたいんだ？ 新八君！
What are you trying to do, Shinpachi-kun? It's useless. This battle is already...
ﾑﾀﾞだよ 勝負は もう！
When Yoshimoto Imagawa attacked, Nobunaga Oda...
かの織田 信長は➡
今川 義元が 攻め入ってきたとき…｡
He never gave up even though he was clearly outnumbered.
絶対的な劣勢のなかでも 最後まで諦めず戦った…｡
(２人)うっ！
What's this?! Maguko's face is slowly turning red!
これは… ﾏｸﾞ子の顔が みるみる赤くなっていく！
ﾊﾞｶな！ 画面の壁が割れて➡
Impossible! The wall between the players broke and vomit is flowing into the other side!
ｹﾞﾎﾞｪが こちらに 流れ込んでくるぅ！
(土方)最後まで諦めねえ 折れねえ根性…｡
The guts to never give up or yield.
それが 桶狭間の奇跡を 呼び起こしたんだ｡
That's what brought on the miracle at Okehazama.
ｱﾝﾀの言うとおりですよ！ お前の言うとおりさ！
- It's as you say. - It's as you say.
恋愛は 何が起こるかわからない｡
You don't know what's going to happen in love.
ﾎﾞｸとｱﾝﾀじゃ 地味の器が違う｡
You and I are of different levels of blandness.
(土方)諦めの悪いﾔﾂには…｡
Those who don't give up easily...
誰も勝てねえ…｡
...can't be defeated by anyone.
(土方/銀時)まぁ 別に それと今回のこととは➡
[You're Under Arrest.]
But that has absolutely nothing to do with this.
全然 関係ないんだけども｡
(店長)勝者 山崎 退！
The winner is Sagaru Yamazaki!
(店長)勝者 ｶﾂｵ！
The winner is Katsuo!
普通に 地味に負けた…｡ なんか 恥ずかしっ！
I lost kind of blandly.
This is kind of embarrassing.
(沖田)これで １対１か｡
Now we're one against one. The battle will be decided by the remaining two.
勝負は 残る２人との戦いで 決まるってわけですね…｡
どちらとやりやす？
Which one do you want to play? I don't care either way. Both look interesting.
ｵﾚは どっちでもいいや どっちも おもしろそうだし…｡
どっちも不快だ｡
Both look terrible.
GinTama's going to end its second year, so I guess I should clean up.
さぁ 『銀魂』２年目も 終わりなんで➡
大掃除でもしますか？ この野郎！
ｺﾞﾐ片付けて 爽やかに ３年目 迎えるとしますか➡
Let's clean up the garbage and start up the third year fresh.
この野郎！
Master, for some stations, this is the final episode.
旦那… 一部の地域では 今日で最終回でさあ｡
えっ？ そうなの!?
Huh? Is that so...
Now then, the battle for the OwEe is headed towards its climax.
さて この Owee争奪戦も➡
いよいよ ｸﾗｲﾏｯｸｽを 迎えようとしています｡
１回戦 ｷﾞｬﾙｹﾞｰ対決➡
The first battle was a girl game battle.
甘酸っぱいというより 酸っぱいだけの➡
The Odd Jobs team won by understanding the game's strange scenario
奇抜なｼﾅﾘｵを読み解いた 万事屋ﾁｰﾑの勝利｡
that wasn't really bittersweet, but just plain sour.
２回戦 ﾊﾟｽﾞﾙｹﾞｰﾑ対決は➡
The second battle was a puzzle game battle.
それで楽しいのかと 問いたくなる➡
The Shinsengumi team won by using a bland strategy
圧倒的な地味な作業で制した 真選組ﾁｰﾑの勝利｡
that makes you ask yourself whether this is any fun.
そして 勝利は 次の最終戦➡
The final battle will decide the victors.
２対２のﾀｯｸﾞ対決を 制したﾁｰﾑに与えられます！
It is a two-on-two tag match.
ﾀｯｸﾞ戦？ 聞いてねえぞ｡
A tag match? I never heard anything about this.
まぁ いいじゃないですか…｡
Well, why not? I can crush three nuisances at the same time.
ｼﾞｬﾏなﾔﾂを 同時に３人 叩き潰せる…｡
Why am I included?!
ｵﾚを入れて どうすんだよ！
Bring it on. Try to crush us.
上等だよ！ 叩き潰してみろよ！
ﾍﾟｯ ﾍﾟｯ… 手にいっぱい 変な汁とか 飛び散っても➡
Strange juices might come flying from our hands.
知らないｱﾙ！
The OwEe is ours. Let's settle this.
Oweeは ｵﾚたちのもんだ… 決着をつけてやる！
ﾌﾟﾚｲしてもらうｹﾞｰﾑは こちら！
[Note: Parody of Dragon Quest.]
This is the game you will play! Dragon Hunter 3!
『ﾄﾞﾗｺﾞﾝﾊﾝﾀｰ３』｡
世界征服を企む魔王を倒す 勇者となり➡
It's an online game in which you are a hero who has to defeat a dark lord who's planning to take over the world.
仲間とﾊﾟｰﾃｨｰを組んで ｸﾘｱを目指す ｵﾝﾗｲﾝｹﾞｰﾑです｡
You form a party and try to complete the game.
このｹﾞｰﾑは Oweeの 最大の売りとされる➡
This game is the OwEe's best selling point.
ﾊﾞｰﾁｬﾙｺﾝﾄﾛｰﾗｰに対応した 最新のｹﾞｰﾑです｡
It's a new game that makes use of a virtual controller.
このｺﾞｰｸﾞﾙと手袋 ﾌﾞｰﾂを 装着することによって➡
By wearing these goggles, gloves, and boots...
まるで ｹﾞｰﾑ機の世界に そのまま入り込んだような➡
You can enjoy this game as if you were really inside the game world.
ﾌﾟﾚｲを楽しむことが できるわけです！
♪♪～
Whoa!
This is amazing!
It looks like we're really in the game!
Gin-chan, hurry this way!
[Kintoki]
[Kagura]
銀ちゃん 早く来てみ！
Hey, my name is wrong. It's listed as Kintoki.
おい ｵﾚの名前 間違ってんだけど…｡
きんとき なんですけど…｡
Names can only be four characters long.
(花野ｱﾅ)名前は ４文字までしか つけられません｡
濁点も １文字に入るんで 我慢してください｡
And you can't change you name once it's been assigned, so please tolerate it.
なんで そこだけ ﾌｧﾐｺﾝ並のｽﾍﾟｯｸなんだよ！
Why is only this part of it like a Famicom?
[Okita]
[Smegma] [Note: "Smegma" is partially censored.]
Hijikata-san, neither your first nor your last name fits, so I gave you a random name.
Hey, someone let me switch teams.
I'd like to say that the first person to defeat the dark lord is the winner,
勝負は 先に魔王を倒したほう｡
…と言いたいところですが 時間がないので➡
but we don't have the time for that.
北の洞窟に巣食う盗賊団を 退治したほうを➡
So the first person to defeat the group of bandits who live in the cave to the north will be the winner.
勝利とします｡
Begin the game!
それでは ｹﾞｰﾑ開始！
よっしゃあ！ いくｱﾙ!!
All right! Let's go!
待て… このﾚﾍﾞﾙじゃ 簡単にやられちまう｡
Wait. We'll be easily defeated at this level.
まずは 準備が必要だ｡
We need to make preparations.
どうします？ 武器でも買いにいきますか？
What should we do? Shall we go buy some weapons?
それとも 街で 情報でも集めますか？
Or should we gather some information in town, Smegma-san?
ち○かすさん｡ おい なんで➡
Hey, why is it that only my hit points are so low?
ｵﾚだけ ﾋｯﾄﾎﾟｲﾝﾄ こんなに低いんだ？
なんで 生まれたときから 画面 真っ赤なんだ？
Why am I in the red from the moment I was created?
さぁ… ち○かすだからじゃないですか？
Who knows? I guess it's because you're Smegma.
(花野ｱﾅ)どうやら ﾋｯﾄﾎﾟｲﾝﾄは➡
It seems that hit points are distributed at random.
ﾗﾝﾀﾞﾑに振り分けられるようですね｡
The Shinsengumi team is at a disadvantage from the beginning.
真選組ﾁｰﾑ 出鼻をくじかれました｡
ふざけんじゃねえよ！
You've got to be kidding me!! Even a slime could kill me in a single hit!
[Note: A slime is the weakest monster in Dragon Quest.]
こんなもん ｽﾗｲﾑにも 一撃でやられるぞ！
(笑い声)
You can slowly raise your levels here!
お前は そこで ｺﾂｺﾂ ﾚﾍﾞﾙ上げてろ！
I don't know how many decades that'll take, though!
何十年かかるか知らねえがよ！
うっ ｹﾞﾎﾞｯ！
Hey! Why is it that I was poisoned from the beginning of the game?!
[Level 1 HP 15]
[Level 1 HP 14 Poisoned]
おいぃ！ なんで ｹﾞｰﾑ開始直後から➡
毒 もってんだ!? なんで 生まれたときから➡
Why was my screen green from the moment I was created?!
画面 緑色なんだよ！
This is why men are so hopeless... What woman did you get that from?!
これだから男は…｡
どこの女から もらってきたｱﾙか？
It seems there are still bugs in the game because it's still being developed.
(花野ｱﾅ)どうやら 開発中のｹﾞｰﾑゆえ➡
ﾊﾞｸﾞがあるようです｡ ふざけんじゃねえよ！
You've got to be kidding!
My hit points are going to fall to zero before I even leave this town!
これじゃ 街 出る前に ﾋｯﾄﾎﾟｲﾝﾄ ｾﾞﾛになっちまうよ！
神楽 毒消しだ！ 早く 毒消しを持ってこい!!
Kagura, get me an antidote! Quickly, get me some antidote herbs!
Okay!
うっす！
How pathetic. We'll be moving ahead in this game while you're fooling around.
ざまあねえな… ﾊﾞｶやってる間に➡
ｵﾚたちは ｹﾞｰﾑ進ませてもらうぜ｡
Ow.
(土方)いてっ｡
What the-?!
Whoa! Smegma has died.
どうやら 看板に 足の小指を ぶつけ➡
It seems that he lost all his hit points when he stubbed his toe on that sign.
ﾋｯﾄﾎﾟｲﾝﾄが なくなってしまったようです｡
How weak is he? What is this, Spelunker?!
[Note: Refers to the Spelunker game, widely known to be unfairly difficult.]
どんだけ弱えんだ！ ｽﾍﾟﾗﾝｶｰか！
なにやってんですか？ 勇者ち○かす｡
What are you doing, Hero Smegma?
勘弁してくだせえよ｡
Give me a break. I don't want to travel around dragging this heavy coffin.
こんな重てえ棺おけ 引きずって➡
旅するの ｲﾔですよ ｵﾚは｡
Wait! Hey! Take me to a church! Hero-sama!
(土方)待て おい！ 教会まで連れてけ 勇者様!!
大丈夫です… 教会 行って➡
It's all right.
I don't have the gold pieces necessary to bring you back to life at a church.
生き返らせるには ｺﾞｰﾙﾄﾞが足りんので➡
ちょっくら ﾓﾝｽﾀｰ倒して 稼いできまさぁ｡
I'm going to defeat some monsters and make some money.
(土方)おいぃ！ そこに ﾓﾝｽﾀｰ いねえよ!!
Hey! There aren't any monsters in there!
欲望という名のﾓﾝｽﾀｰしか いねえよぉ！
There's only the monster called desire!
(花野ｱﾅ)置き去りです！ 勇者ち○かす➡
He's been left behind! The hero Smegma has been completely left behind!
完全に置き去りです！ 一方 万事屋ﾁｰﾑは…｡
Meanwhile, at the Odd Jobs team...
(長老)この世界のどこかに ｴﾙﾌが作った➡
Somewhere in this world there's a medicine that an elf made that can cure any disease.
どんな病気も治せる 薬があるという｡
ｳﾜｻでは 城塞都市ﾊﾟﾚｽの 宝物庫にあると聞いたが➡
According to rumors, it's in a treasure trove in the fortress city of Pales.
ﾊﾟﾚｽは 妖魔宰相ﾍﾞﾘｱｽに 占拠されてしまったようじゃ｡
But Pales is occupied by Berias, the leader of the demons.
ﾏｼﾞでか！ 毒も治るｱﾙか！
Really? Can it even cure poison?
待て 待て 待て 待て！
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Don't do it. You can't reach Pales at your level.
やめておけ… ｵﾇｼのﾚﾍﾞﾙでは➡
ﾊﾟﾚｽに行き着くことすら叶わぬ｡
やってみなきゃわからないｱﾙ！
I won't know unless I try.
Kagura, you don't need something as grand as that!
神楽ぁ！ そんな 大それたもんじゃなくて➡
毒消し草！ その辺の道具屋で➡
I just need antidote herbs! They sell it at the item shops for ten gold pieces.
10ｺﾞｰﾙﾄﾞで売ってる感じの！
So you still wish to go. In that case, I have no choice.
どうしても行くというのか｡
ならば 仕方ない… ﾍﾞﾘｱｽは➡
According to rumors, Berias spits poison.
毒の息を吐くというｳﾜｻじゃ｡
この毒消し草を持っていくがいい｡
Take these antidote herbs.
それ！ 神楽 それ！
That's it! Kagura, that's it!
ありがとう 長老！ 私 絶対 ﾍﾞﾘｱｽ倒すね!!
Thank you, elder. I'm going to defeat Berias.
人の話 聞いてんのかぁ!?
Are you listening to me?! And why are you eating those?!
つうか 今 食って どうすんだ！
At least use them during your fight with Berias!
せめて ﾍﾞﾘｱｽ戦のときに使え！
ﾍﾞﾘｱｽの弱点は頭だ｡
Beria's weak spot is his head. Don't lose.
負けるでないぞ｡
No! Her head is even more of a weakness than it is for Berias!
違う！ 頭は ﾍﾞﾘｱｽ以上に その子の弱点!!
銀ちゃん 待ってるｱﾙ！ おいぃ 待てぇ！
Gin-chan, wait for me!
Hey, wait!
He's been left behind! Someone has been left behind on this side, too!
(花野ｱﾅ)置き去り！ こちらも置き去りです!!
さぁ どうする？ このままでは➡
Now what is he going to do?! Nothing's going to get better at this rate.
事態は一向に好転しません！
これじゃ 埒があかねえ…｡
We're not going anywhere at this rate.
Hey, help me out.
おい ｵﾚに協力しろ｡ (土方)協力？
Help you? No way. You're my enemy. Why do I have to help you?
ふざけるな なんで敵のお前に…｡
帰るあてのない相方を 棺おけの中で待つのと➡
You could wait in that coffin for your partner who shows no signs of returning,
己でこの状況を打開して 先に進むのと どっちを選ぶ？
or you could get yourself out of this situation and advance. Which do you choose?
死体のｵﾚに 何ができるってんだ｡
I'm just a corpse. What can I do?
差し当たり ｵﾚの解毒と お前の蘇生は➡
Right now...
Curing my poison and bringing you back to life can be all dealt with if we see a priest at a church.
教会の神父に頼めば すべて 解決する｡
But I need to walk more than fifteen steps to get to a church.
だが どう見ても ここから 教会までは➡
15歩以上 歩かにゃあ ならねえ｡
そうすれば ｵﾚは 毒によって すべてのﾋｯﾄﾎﾟｲﾝﾄを 消費する｡
If I do that, I'll use up all of my hit points. I'll die.
確実に おだぶつだ｡
So what do you want me to do?
(土方)どうしようってんだ？
In short, I have to move without walking.
要は 歩かずに移動できればいい｡
とぉ～っ!!
Whoa! Could this be...? It's a sled!
(花野ｱﾅ)お～っと！ これは まさか… ｿﾘです！
[SMEGMA Level 1 HP 0 Dead]
[KINTOKI Level 1 HP 11 Poisoned]
(花野ｱﾅ)棺桶を ｿﾘ代わりに～！
He's using a coffin as a sled!
(花野ｱﾅ)しかし こんな 傾斜も何もないところで➡
But a sled can't move in a place without any slopes.
ｿﾘが 動くわけ…｡
(花野ｱﾅ)お～っと！ 縄です！
Whoa, it's a rope!!
But there aren't any horses... In this town...
しかし こんな街なかに 馬など いるはずが…！
(花野ｱﾅ)いました～ 長老～!!
There is something!
It's the elder! It's the antidote elder from earlier!
長老です！ 先ほどの 毒消しの長老！
(花野ｱﾅ)旅人に 話しかけられるまで➡
The elder wanders around until a traveler talks to him.
徘徊する長老に 棺桶を引かせ➡
They're planning on making him pull the coffin to get to the church!
教会まで たどりつくつもりだ～!!
いけ～ 長老～!!
Go, Elder!
How inhumane! What un-hero-like conduct!
(花野ｱﾅ)外道！ 勇者に あるまじき行為です！
What will the elder do about the hero's unorthodox actions?!
旅人の 規格外の行動に➡
長老は はたして どう出るか!?
(花野ｱﾅ)お～っと！
Whoa! The elder isn't heading to the church at all!
長老 まったく 教会に向かいません！
As usual, he's moving at random.
相変わらず ﾗﾝﾀﾞﾑに 動き続けています！
Old man! Hey, act like an old man and go to pray! Please!
おい じじい ｺﾗ～！ じじいらしく お祈りに行け～！
お願～い！
Whoa! This is bad!
(花野ｱﾅ)あ～っと これは まずい｡
最悪の状況のまま ﾌｨｰﾙﾄﾞに 出てしまった～！
They're headed into the field into the worst possible situation!
(土方)なにしてんだ!? ﾃﾒｴ！
What the hell are you doing?!
I was tolerating this embarrassing treatment because you told me
(土方)ｵﾚは 生き返らせてくれるっつうから➡
こんな 屈辱的な仕打ちに 耐えたんだぞ！
that you were going to bring me back to life!
Shut up! I'm still poisoned!
うるせえ～!! ｵﾚだって 毒持ちのままなんだよ！
(花野ｱﾅ)これは 危険です！
This is dangerous.
If they run into a monster in this terrible situation, the whole party may be destroyed.
この 最悪な状態で ﾓﾝｽﾀｰに 遭遇すれば➡
ﾊﾟｰﾃｨｰ全滅は 免れません！
Elder! Turn back! Come back, Elder!
長老 戻れ！ ｶﾑﾊﾞｰｯｸ！ 長老!!
[There is no response. It's just an elder.] [Note: Parody of Dragon Quest line "There is no response. It's just a corpse."]
This is bad. The elder is definitely angry!
(土方)んなわけ ねえだろ！ 長老は 旅人に➡
That can't be! The elder exists only to give travelers antidote herbs!
毒消し草を 与えるためだけに 生まれた存在なんだぞ！
いや… でも なんか 心なしか➡
No, somehow I get the feeling he's headed to an area where enemies will appear.
わざと 敵が出そうなほうに 行ってる気がする～！
No! The elder is just walking at random! The elder isn't that sort of person!
(土方)違う！ 長老は ﾗﾝﾀﾞﾑに歩いてるだけだ！
(土方)長老は そんな人じゃねえ！
What's your problem? What do you know about the elder?
なんなんだよ ｵﾒｴ！ ｵﾒｴに 長老の 何が わかんだよ!!
There they are! Monsters! Monsters have appeared!
[Monsters have appeared]
[Command: Fight Run Away Spells Items]
Elder! Run away! Old man! What are you doing? I'll kill you!
ﾌｯ｡
Elder! That old man just smirked at me! He definitely smirked at me just now!
[There is no response.]
[It's just an elder.]
No! The elder's not that sort of person!
(２人)ぐぉぉ～っ!!
This is bad. They're coming!
[Monster A has attacked]
Do something. If you die, we'll be wiped out!
What am I supposed to do? I don't have weapons, or tools, or anything...
[Command: Fight Run Away Spells Items → Elder]
Elder! Why are you in “Items”?!
Now's not the time to complain.
I'm desperate!
(土方)おい 待て！ お前 まさか 長老を…!?
Hey, wait! Don't tell me that you're going to use the elder to…
長老～!!
Elder!
[Critical Hit]
[You have defeated the monsters.]
Whoa! He used the elder as a weapon to overcome this difficult challenge!
Elder!
What incredible power…
すげえ 威力だ…｡ 助かりました 長老！
Thank you, Elder. Umm… Sorry for doing terrible things to you earlier.
あの～ さっきは なんか ｲﾔなことを言って➡
すいませんでした…｡
[There is no response. It's just a corpse.]
…長老～!!
Elder!
Whoa! The elder has become a corpse.
(土方)お前… お前 これ 完全に お前が…｡
Hey, this is completely your doing…
No. The elder's natural life just came to an end.
違う｡ 長老は 天寿を まっとうされたんだ…｡
It just happened to come exactly at this moment.
たまたま ﾀｲﾐﾝｸﾞが ｼﾞｬｽﾄﾌｨｯﾄしただけだ｡
You definitely did it! Turn yourself in!
(土方)絶対 お前が やった！ 自首しろ！
うるさいんだよ！ お前も ただの 屍だろうが！ 返事を すんな！
Shut up. You're just a corpse, too. Don't talk back.
ほあちゃ～っ!!
ぐぉぉぉぉ～!!
♪♪～
[KAGURA Level 82 HP 523]
長老の気が 消えた！
The elder's presence has disappeared! Did something happen to him?
まさか 長老の身に 何か…!?
Anyway, how strong did you get?!
つうか お前 どんだけ 強くなってんの～!?
(ﾍﾞﾘｱｽ)ﾌｯﾌｯﾌｯﾌｯ｡
That elder is no longer of this world.
もはや 長老も この世には いまい｡
もう 完全に 盗賊より強そうなﾔﾂ 倒してんじゃ～ん！
She's already defeating guys who look way stronger than bandits!
The dark lord already has the medicine…
(ﾍﾞﾘｱｽ)あの薬は すでに 魔王様が…｡
もう いいから！ さっさと 盗賊を倒しにいけ～！
That's enough. Go and defeat the bandits already!
♪♪～
もう 自分で なんとかするしかねえ！
I've got to do something about it myself.
How are you using the elder?!
(土方)お前 長老 どんな使い方してんの～!?
(花野ｱﾅ)勇者 きんとき｡ ついに 盗賊の洞窟に 乗り込んだ～！
The hero Kintoki has finally charged into the bandit's cave!
(花野ｱﾅ)あっ あれは！ ｾｰﾌﾞﾎﾟｲﾝﾄと 回復の泉です！
Oh! That's a save point and a spring of healing.
(花野ｱﾅ)やりました～！
They did it! They can finally recover, after coming all the way here.
ここへ来て ようやく ２人とも 完全復活を 果たしました！
Sorry, but from this point on, we're enemies.
悪いが こっからは 敵どうしだ｡
Be careful not to stub your toes, Smegma.
せいぜい 足の小指に気をつけな ち○かす｡
待ちやがれ｡ 長老を こっちに渡せ｡
Hold up! Give me the elder.
なに 言ってんだ!?
What are you saying?!
Don't make the elder suffer any more.
(土方)これ以上 長老を 苦しめるんじゃねえ！
What?! We've come this far because of Elder-sama.
なんだと!? ここまで 来れたのは 長老様の おかげだろう！
That's why I'm telling you to not desecrate the dead anymore.
だから 言ってんだ！ これ以上 死者を 冒涜すんじゃねえ!!
長老は 死んでねえ！ ｵﾚの心の中で 生き続けるよ!!
The elder's not dead. He's still alive in my heart.
Whoa! The two are starting to fight over the elder right before their battle with the boss.
(花野ｱﾅ)お～っと… ﾎﾞｽを 前にして➡
長老を巡って 争いが…！
Are you telling me to part with the elder after all we went through?
今さら 長老と 別れろっていうのか!?
ｵﾚは もう 長老なしじゃ 生きられねえんだよ～!!
I can't live without the elder anymore.
長老は 街へ帰すべきだ！
The elder should be returned to the town.
冒険者たちには 長老が 必要だろうが！
Adventurers need the elder.
長老は これから 盗賊を倒した 伝説のﾌﾞｰﾒﾗﾝとして➡
The elder is forever going to be known amongst adventurers
冒険者たちの間で 永遠に 語り継がれていくんだよ!!
as the legendary boomerang that defeated the bandits.
(花野ｱﾅ)あ～っと！ もめている間に➡
Whoa! While they were fighting, the boss battle has already begun!
ﾎﾞｽ戦が 始まってしまいました！ (土方)よこせ！
[A group of bandits has appeared.]
Give him to me!
離せ！ (花野ｱﾅ)あ～っ！ 危な～い!!
Let go!
Oh no, look out!
もう わかった｡ わかったって｡
I understand. You understand?
Let's split him evenly.
じゃあよ 平等に ２つに分けよう｡ おい！
Make sure you split him evenly down the middle.
ちゃんと 均等になるように 真ん中で 折れよ｡
(花野ｱﾅ)うわぁぁぁぁ～!! 折った～!! 長老を 折った～!!
They split him!
They split the elder!
(２人)うぉぉぉぉ～っ!!
うぉぉ～っ！ ぐへっ！
Elder! Elder!
長老！ 長老!!
♪♪～
Hey, it's kind of difficult to use his top half.
おい！ なんか これ 上半身 使いづれえな｡
やっぱ そっちと替えろ｡
Trade with me.
And who's the one who was talking about desecrating the dead?!
(花野ｱﾅ)死者の冒涜うんぬん 言ってたの 誰!?
(盗賊)でぇぇ～い!!
♪♪～
すんませんした 長老！
Thank you, Elder!
Where's the leader?!
ぬぉぉぉ～！ 頭は どこだ～!?
Bandits continue to be defeated thanks to the elder.
(花野ｱﾅ)長老の おかげで 盗賊団が 次々と倒されています！
(花野ｱﾅ)決着のときは 来た～！
The conclusion has come!
Who's going to get the bandit leader's head?!
(花野ｱﾅ)盗賊団首領の首を 取るのは どっ…！
Whoa! Suddenly, lightning strikes!
(花野ｱﾅ)あ～っと！ 突然 雷が!!
(花野ｱﾅ)長老をも 凌駕する この力は…！
What is this power that rivals even that of the elder?!
王様でさぁ｡
It's the king.
It's the hero Okita! It's the hero Okita!
(花野ｱﾅ)勇者 おきた！ 勇者 おきたです!!
I hit a jackpot at the casino, and I bought a king.
ｶｼﾞﾉで 一発 当てましてね 王様 買ってきました｡
王様 買うって どういうことだよ!?
What do you mean you bought a king?! What in the world did you do?!
ﾃﾒｴ！ いったい どういう手 使ったんだ!?
You bastard!
(盗賊)野郎…！ (盗賊)ﾃﾒｴ…！
You punks!!
Why won't any of you fight with regular weapons?!
(花野ｱﾅ)つうか ｵﾒｴら 普通の武器で 戦わんかい！
ｸｿ～ｯ！ まさか 王様を持ってくるなんざ➡
Crap! I never thought you would bring a king.
The elder is nothing in comparison… At this rate…
とても 長老じゃ かなわねえ！ このままじゃ…！
♪♪～
Whoa! There's suddenly a giant hole in the roof of the cave!
(花野ｱﾅ)あ～っと！ 突然 洞窟の天井に 大穴が…！
Oh, what's that?
あっ！ あれは…！
It's the dark lord! She has the dark lord!
魔王だ～！ 魔王を 手に入れやがった ｱｲﾂ～!!
ぶははは～！ Oweeは 私のものｱﾙ～！
The OwEe is mine!
Die, you fools!
死ぬがいい 愚民ども～！
ふざけんじゃねえ！ 魔王なんて 反則技だ！
You've got to be kidding?! It’s cheating to use the dark lord.
That's not fair! He's not a weapon! Die!
不公平だぜ！ 武器じゃねえよ そんなもん！
くたばりやがれ～！ ｵﾒｴのも 武器じゃねえよ!!
Yours isn't a weapon, either!
Damn it! I won't lose! I'll show you the elder's true power!
ｸｿが～！ 負けるか～！
長老の 真の力を 見せてやら～!!
首領は どこだ～!? ﾃﾒｴか～!? おい！
Where's the leader?! Is it you? Hey, spit it out!
吐けよ ﾃﾒｴよ～！
This is bad. I have to take a piss. Hold on! Time out! Pee time.
やべえ！ しょんべん したくなってきた…｡
ちょっ… ﾀｲﾑ！ しょんべんﾀｲﾑ！ (土方)知るか ﾎﾞｹ～！
I don't care about that, stupid!
ちょ… 神楽… ｵﾚ しょんべん行ってくっから➡
Hey! Kagura, I'm going to take a piss. In the meanwhile…
ちょっとの間…｡ うわっ…！
(沖田)おら～っ！ (桂)ﾘｰﾀﾞｰ やめて… くれ！
Leader, please stop.
(土方)なんだ この ｺﾞﾘﾗみてえな野郎は！
What's the deal with this gorilla-like guy?! Are you the leader?!
(土方)ﾃﾒｴが 首領か!? あん!?
♪♪～
Sale of the new OwEe game console has been halted due to the discovery of a serious flaw.
(ｱﾅｳﾝｻｰ)新型ｹﾞｰﾑ機 Oweeに 重大な欠陥が 発見され➡
Video games should only be played for an hour a day.
発売中止に なりました｡ やっぱ ｹﾞｰﾑは １日 １時間だわ｡
[Thank you for your support for the past two years. Please continue to support us (excluding certain areas).]
["The More Something Is Disliked, The More Lovely It Is"]
The next episode: The one hundredth episode!
GinTama's charging into its third year!
[Gintoki meets a man on the train. He is Konishi of JUMP's editorial department…]
[The GinTama anime has charged into its third year. Is this really an appropriate story for our commemorative one hundredth episode?]