Feeling all beat by 6 PM.
[The Tamo-san Hour Smile! Is that Good?]
♪♪｢夕方６時は ｸﾞﾀﾞｸﾞﾀﾞ｣
Virgins tend to be timid.
♪♪｢やっぱり どうでもよきかな｣
Getting all bitchy by 6 PM.
♪♪｢夕方６時は ｸﾞｽﾞｸﾞｽﾞ 明日も どうでもよきかな｣
Still gonna be a virgin tomorrow.
Watashi wa Tomu desu.
♪♪｢Ｉ am Tom 私はﾄﾑです｣
I am Tom.
No way I could possibly know that!
♪♪(多毛)｢そんなの 見たって わかるわけねえだろうが！｣
♪♪｢ﾄﾑって誰だ ｺﾗ！｣
Hey! Who the hell's Tom?!
Yosan wo agete.
♪♪｢Give me money 予算を上げて｣
Give me money!
♪♪｢今どき４対３なんて ｳﾁぐらい｣
We're the only ones using 4:3 in this day and age.
♪♪｢何年やっても お値段据え置き｣
After all these years, the costs haven't changed!
♪♪｢謝る気もないのに ごめんなさい｣
Apologizing when you don't even mean it.
Opening up when the black ships come!
[Note: This is a reference to American Admiral Perry's black ships that opened up Japan's period of isolation in 1853.]
♪♪｢黒船きたら 即開国！｣
♪♪｢笑ってよきかな ｸﾞｽﾞｸﾞｽﾞｽﾊﾟｰｷﾝ！ ｲｴ～ｲ！｣
Laugh away! Bitchin' sparking! Yay!
♪♪｢来世があるから｣
There's always the next life.
♪♪｢よきかなろ｣
So it's all good!
♪♪｢ﾌﾟﾛｼﾞｪｸﾄ Ｘ｣
Project X.
[Note: Project X is a Japanese TV documentary series.]
♪♪｢田口ﾄﾓﾛｦ｣
Tomoro Taguchi!
[Note: Tomoro Taguchi is the Japanese voice actor who narrates in Project X.]
♪♪｢よきかな よきかな｣
It's all good. It's all good.
Taguchi!
♪♪｢田口！｣ ♪♪｢ﾄﾓﾛｦ｣
Tomoro!
(拍手)
さっそく ｺｰﾅｰです｡
We'll move on to the next segment.
♪♪～
こんばんは｡ こんばんは！
Good evening.
Good evening!
Huh? The same audience as last week?
あれ？ 先週と同じお客さん？
そうですね！
Sure is!
Isn't coincidence a scary thing?
偶然って恐ろしいね｡
Sure is!
そうですね！
And yeah, we're just recycling, aren't we?
つうか 単なる使いまわしだよね｡
そうですね！
Sure are.
We have Ketsuno here.
結野です よろしくお願いします｡
It's a pleasure.
The pleasure is all mine.
(結野)よろしくお願いします｡ かわいい！
Now we have a guest introduced by Mako-chan-san yesterday.
それじゃあ 昨日の 誠っちゃんさんからのご紹介➡
定春さんです｡
Sadaharu-san!
(拍手)
かわいい！
Uh, wait?
《って あれ？ やっぱ 犬だよね これ｡
This is a dog, right?
It's big, but it's a dog, right?
でかいだけのただの犬だよね？ あれ？
Uh, we're supposed to be doing an interview here, right?
これﾄｰｸのｺｰﾅｰなんだけどな あれ？
How do we make this work?
どうやって まわせば…》
Then I'll introduce you to Sadaharu.
((誠っちゃん: じゃあ 定春を紹介します｡
(多毛)ｱﾊﾊﾊﾊ これ ただの犬じゃん｡
This is just a dog.
You're a funny guy, Mako-chan.
おもしろいな 誠っちゃんも｡
There's somebody in this thing, right?
ﾎﾝﾄは これ 中に人とか 入ってるんでしょ ｱﾊﾊﾊﾊ))
Yeah, I was joking when I agreed to this yesterday.
《なんて 昨日 おもしろ半分で 安請け合いするんじゃなかったよ｡
What do I do here?
これ どうすんだ これ！ ﾄｰｸできねえじゃん｡
I can't do anything about this.
And how the hell could he introduce a dog to me?
つうか なんつーもん 紹介すんだよｱｲﾂ｡ あれ？
Huh? A poster?
[Note: In shows like this, an actor or musician usually brings a poster to promote a movie or event.]
えっ!? ﾎﾟｽﾀｰ？ えっ なんで？
Huh? Why?
Is that supposed to be some kind of advertisement?
何の宣伝するつもりなんだ ｵﾒｴは｡
And why is it still here?
つうか なんで ずっと ここにいんの？
Why didn't anybody on the staff stop this?
なんで ｽﾀｯﾌ 誰も止めなかったの？
A dog can't be allowed on stage when it's this big.
ただの犬が ここにいて いいわけないじゃん｡
ただ大きいだけの犬が｡
あっ！ って もしかして この犬 天才犬!?
Wait, maybe this dog's...
A genius?
そうか そうに違いない｡
I see.
That must be it.
This dog must understand a fair amount of human speech.
そうか この犬は ある程度 人の言葉を理解できるんだな｡
That's why it's here.
だから ここにいるんだ｡
I've got a chance then.
だったら こっちにも勝ち目はあるさ｡
だてに 25年 この司会やってないよ｡
I haven't spent twenty-five years hosting this show for nothing.
I've handled all kinds of guests.
どんなｹﾞｽﾄだって さばいてきたもの｡
As long as it understands my words, I'll make it out like always!
言葉が通じるなら いつもどおりにいける｡
天才犬なら大丈夫！》
I can do a genius dog!
ｵﾎﾝ 髪切った？
Did you get a haircut...
[Note: Parody of Cozy Tomita who is an impersonator of Tamoro.]
["If a Friend Gets Injured, Take Him to the Hospital, Stat!"]
Next time on TV Mix-and-Match:
The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club!
ご期待ください！
Expect a great show!
(新八)お通ちゃんｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞ 決定戦場のﾋﾟｱﾆｽﾄだって!?
The pianist battle to decide Otsu-chan's official fan club?!
(たかちん) これに出場して優勝すれば➡
If we participate and win, we can still become official!
ｵﾚたちも まだ ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙになれるってのか｡
まだ ﾁｬﾝｽは 残っているってのか！
So we still have a chance!
(土方)ﾌﾟｯｽｽｽ… 地獄に仏とは まさに このこと｡
So this is what they mean by running into Buddha in hell.
お通ちゃんのおかげで 命拾いしたじゃないか｡
You've been saved by Otsu-chan...
寺門通親衛隊諸君｡
Members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club.
まあ 余命が 少々 延びただけの話に他ならないけど｡
Well, it just means that you get to survive a little longer.
何で勝負したところで 結果は変わりはしない｡
The outcome will be the same, no matter what the contest is.
結局 ｷﾐたちは➡
The fact is that you people can't defeat me.
ﾎﾞｸに勝つことなんて できやしないんだよ｡
会場で会おう｡
I'll see you on the stage.
I'll send those drooping heads flying off.
その無様にぶら下がった首 はね飛ばして引導を渡してあげる｡
ﾌﾟｯｽｽｽｽ…｡
Wait.
待ってください｡
Toshi.
ﾄｯｼｰ… いや 土方さん｡
No...
Hijikata-san.
あなた ﾄｯｼｰなんかじゃない｡ 土方さんですよね？
You aren't Toshi.
You're Hijikata-san, aren't you?
(神楽)えっ？
ﾄｯｼｰは 臆病なｵﾀｸです｡ わざわざ敵地に➡
Toshi is a cowardly otaku.
He would never barge into the enemy's territory.
挑発にくるなんて行為 するわけがない｡
そんな わざとらしいｵﾀｸ笑いも していた覚えはありません｡
And I don't remember him laughing so obnoxiously.
そして何より… ﾀﾊﾞｺなんか吸うわけがない｡
And most importantly of all,
he would never smoke cigarettes!
土方さん あなた いったい 何を企んでいるんですか？
Hijikata-san, what are you plotting?
ﾄｯｼｰに扮してまで ｵﾀｸたちと接触し➡
Posing as Toshi and making contact with otaku...
あんな たくさんのｵﾀｸたちを まとめ上げ 大勢力を作り上げ➡
Gathering all those otaku together to make a huge faction...
さらには お通ちゃんの ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞの座まで…｡
And aiming to become Otsu-chan's official fan club on top of that...
あなたの目的は いったい何なんですか？
What is your objective?
あなたは いったい 何をしようとしているんですか！
What are you trying to do?
ﾃﾒｴらの知ってるとおり➡
As you all know, Toshi was born after I laid my hands on the demon sword.
ﾄｯｼｰは ｵﾚが妖刀を 手にしたことによって生まれた｡
呪いによって ﾍﾀれたｵﾀｸ的部分が 増長した土方十四郎｡
A Toshiro Hijikata with his pathetic otaku characteristics amplified via a curse.
そう… ﾔﾂは ｵﾚに巣食った 別人格なんぞじゃない｡
He isn't a different personality I created.
れっきとした 土方十四郎だったんだ｡
He's the real Toshiro Hijikata.
Mr. Hijikata!
だが ｵﾚは これをよしとせず抗い➡
But despite my acceptance,
ﾔﾂを 別人格として ｵﾚから引きはがし➡
he attempted to separate from me as a separate personality
意識の奥底に封じ込めた｡
and sealed himself deep inside.
Mr. Hijikata!
Wait, Mr. Hijikata!
いつかﾔﾂも消えてゆくだろう… そう思ってな｡
He would probably disappear eventually.
That's what I thought.
だが 待てど暮らせど ﾔﾂが消えることはなかった｡
But I kept waiting and he never disappeared.
ﾔﾂは 隙あらば この体を奪い取ろうと➡
He's still waiting with sharp eyes to take over my body when given the chance.
ｵﾚの意識の奥底で➡
今も 目を光らせていやがるんだよ｡
お前らに わかるか？
Can you understand?
How I felt after getting my hands on a nice cabinet
いい感じのｶﾗｰﾎﾞｯｸｽを手に入れて➡
and looking forward to what I might put inside,
何を入れようか 楽しみにしていたら➡
そこに 知らないうちに 美少女もののＤＶＤが➡
only to find it filled with pretty girl anime DVDs before I knew it?
ぎっしり並んでいたときの ｵﾚの気持が…｡
お前らに わかるか？
Can you understand?
これから 決死の戦いに 出陣というとき…｡
How I felt when I was preparing to head out into battle,
((あれ？ 土方氏))
Oh, Mr. Hijikata.
[Otaku Attack] [Note: Parody of the title of Neon Genesis Evangelion TV episode 1.]
見たこともない友人に➡
only to be corralled by friends I didn't know to an hour long discussion about Ovangelion.
[Note: Parody of Evangelion.]
小一時間 『ｵｳﾞｧﾝｹﾞﾘｵﾝ』最終回の 是非について➡
語られたときのｵﾚの気持が…｡
もう… ね｡
That's enough.
もう ｵﾚは疲れたんだ｡ 戦いの日々に…｡
I'm tired of the days of fighting.
Fighting on the outside, fighting on the inside...
外側でも戦い 内側でも戦い➡
ｵﾚは いったい どこで休まればいいんだ｡
When will I be able to rest?
あれも きっかけが妖刀とはいえ➡
Even if the demon sword was the catalyst,
ｵﾚという人格の一部には 違いねえんだ｡
he's still part of my personality.
戦いを拒絶するのではない｡
I didn't refuse the fight.
ｵﾚは ﾔﾂと正面から向き合い 話し合うことにした｡
I chose to face him head-on and talk.
何もなさぬまま 消えゆくのはｲﾔだ｡
"I don't want to disappear without accomplishing anything.
I want to leave proof of my existence."
この世に 自分の生きた証しがほしい｡
ﾔﾂは そう言った｡
That's what he said.
ｺｲﾂは ﾄｯｼｰの夢なんだよ｡
This is Toshi's dream.
ﾔﾂを生み出した ｵﾚが➡
My way of paying tribute to the departure of someone I gave birth to.
最後にﾔﾂに 送ってやらなきゃならねえ➡
手向けの花なんだ｡
ｵﾚは ｵﾀｸ道を極める！
I will master the way of the otaku!
すべてのｵﾀｸたちを統べ その頂点に君臨し➡
I will unite all otaku and become the king of otaku!
ｵﾀｸの覇王になる！
And etch proof of his existence into this world...into people's hearts!
そして ﾔﾂの生きた証しを この世に…｡
人々の心に刻み込んでやる！
ｵﾚは 止まらんぞ｡
I won't stop.
To help him rest in peace and to regain full control of this body,
ﾔﾂを成仏させ この体を 完全に取り戻すため➡
ｵﾚは 覇道を突き進む！
I'll conquer the otaku world!
土方さん｡
Hijikata-san...
ねえ 銀ちゃん ｵﾀｸの覇王って何？
Hey, Gin-chan.
What's the king of otaku?
どうやったらなれるの？ それ｡
How do you become one?
どっかで免許とかとれるの？
Do you have to get a license somewhere?
(銀時)お花畑に囲まれた教習所で とれるんだよ｡
You can get one at the school in la-la land.
ﾄｯﾌﾟｱｲﾄﾞﾙ 寺門通｡
The top idol, Tsu Terakado.
あれを手にすれば いよいよ ｵﾀｸの頂点にも 手が届く｡
With her in hand, I can stand at the top of all otaku.
ｵﾚの長かった戦いも ついに終わる｡
My long battle will finally be over.
In hand? You're just going to be her fan club.
手にするって ただ ﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞになれるだけだからね｡
Yeah? Do you people understand?
ねえ わかってんの ｷﾐたち？
Will you still try to stop me?
それでも お前は ｵﾚを止めるか？
このｵﾚの存在を 確立するための戦いを｡
Will you interfere, knowing that this fight is for establishing my own existence?
それを知って なお邪魔するか お前は？
悪いけど お通ちゃんを➡
Sorry, but I can't hand Otsu-chan over to someone who doesn't even love her.
愛してもいない人に 渡すわけには いきません｡
Hand over? She was never yours to begin with.
渡すって ﾊﾅから お前のもんじゃないからね｡
何度も言うけど お前ら ﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞ争いしてるだけだからね｡
I'm starting to repeat myself, but this is just a little fan club dispute.
♪♪～
ﾌｯ そう言うと思っていた｡
That's what I thought you would say.
どうあっても この戦い 避けては通れねえ道らしいな｡
It appears that this battle was inevitable.
It's the fan club's duty to protect the princess to the very end.
親衛隊は 最後まで➡
姫を守るのが 役目ですから｡
止められるものなら 止めてみろ！
Stop my conquest if you can!
ｵﾚの覇道を！
決着をつけましょう 土方さん！
Let's finish this, Hijikata-san!
(２人)寺門通 ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞになるのは➡
I'll be the one to become the Tsu Terakado Official Fan Club!
このｵﾚだ～!!
(お通)みんな お通のこと好き～？
Everybody!
Do you like Otsu?!
大好き～！
We love you!
大大好き？
You love me lots?!
大大大好き～！
We love you lots and lots!
大大大大好き？
You love me lots and lots and lots?!
大大大大大好き～!!
We love you lots and lots and lots and lots!
A TV Mix-and-Match Special!
The pianist battle to decide Tsu Terakado's official fan club!
Okay, so we're on our way.
はい ということで 始まりましたけどね｡
お通ちゃん どうですか これ｡
What do you think, Otsu-chan?
Impressive showing, right?
この数すごいでしょ｡ なんと➡
Five thousand fans gathered here for you!
5,000人のお通ちゃんのﾌｧﾝに 集まってもらいました！
Wow! Amazing!
わあ すごい みんな ありがとうじんぼうﾀﾞｲﾌﾞｰ！
Everybody!
Thank you! Suicide dive!
これでも だいぶこちらで 絞り込んだんですけどもね！
This is after we narrowed the numbers down significantly.
So from the five thousand people gathered here today,
え～ 今大会は この 5,000人｡
つまり ４人ひと組 1,250ﾁｰﾑのなかから➡
in other words, from the 1,250 teams of four,
only one team will be chosen.
たった１ﾁｰﾑ この5,000人のなかの たった４人だけが➡
Only four of the five thousand people here will be able
お通ちゃんの ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞになれるという➡
to win the honor of becoming members of Otsu-chan's official fan club.
栄冠を勝ち取れるという ものでして！
Well, this will be a difficult wall to climb.
え～ 大変な難関に なってしまったわけですが➡
皆さんはどうですか？ 意気込みのほうは！
How excited is everyone here?
Do you want to become Otsu-chan's official fan club?!
お前ら！ お通ちゃんの ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞになりたいか!?
おぉ～!!
ｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞに なるためなら➡
Are you willing to put up with any ordeal for the sake
どんな困難でも 乗り越えられるか～!?
of becoming Otsu-chan's official fan club?!
おぉ～!!
Are you willing to go anywhere for Otsu-chan, whether it's into fire or into water?!
お通ちゃんのためなら➡
例え 火の中 水の中！ どこにでも行くか～!?
おぉ～!!
Would you be able to eat Otsu-chan's ****?!
お通ちゃんの… なら 食べられるかぁ～!?
(新八たち)おぉ～!!
Wh-What's wrong with those people?!
な なんだｱｲﾂら!?
How can they say that stuff on a live broadcast?!
何 生放送で とんでもねえこと口走ってんだ!!
の わりには ﾋﾟｰ音入ってたけどな｡
They still managed to beep it just fine.
Somebody!
誰かぁ！ ｱｲﾂら引きずりおろせ!! ちょ いったんＣＭ！ ＣＭ入れ！
Get rid of those people!
Commercial! Cut to a commercial!
OEDO Record.
Tsu Terakado's long awaited single is on sale now!
寺門通！ 待望のﾆｭｰｼﾝｸﾞﾙ発売！
Okay.
よし！ じゃ めんどくさいんで いきなり決勝戦を始めるぞ！
This is a pain, so let's go right to the final challenge.
今から全員に お通ちゃんの… を配る！
We're going to distribute some of Otsu-chan's **** right now.
The team who finishes eating first wins.
これを いち早く食したﾁｰﾑの優勝だ！
よろしくお願いします！ うっす!! え…｡
Whenever you're ready!
どんな決勝戦だ!?
What kind of challenge is that?!
And how much **** do you think Otsu-chan can put out?!
つうか お通ちゃん どんだけ… 出ると思ってんの!?
Stop ridiculing Otsu-chan!
お通ちゃんを愚弄するのも いいかげんにしろよ！
お通ちゃんは …も おならもしねえ！
Otsu-chan doesn't **** or fart!
消えろ！ ｸｽﾞども！ ああ!?
Get lost scum!
You're the ones who should get lost, brats.
消えんのはﾃﾒｴらだ ｶﾞｷども！
When you love a person,
人を好きになるってことはな➡
that means you also love the dirty stuff about her.
汚いところも全部ひっくるめて 好きになるってことなんだよ！
…が出ねえとか汚いところから 目ぇ背けてる時点で➡
When you pretend she doesn't **** and ignore the dirty stuff, you're out of the question.
ﾃﾒｴらは問題外！ 即刻ここから 出ていけﾁｪﾘｰども！
Get out of here, cherry boys.
うちの大将は ８皿はたいらげると 豪語なさっておられるぞ！
Our boss here boasts that he can down eight whole plates.
ﾃﾒｴらじゃ 一生かかっても➡
You people won't be able to beat our Tsu Terakado Fan Club in this lifetime.
ｵﾚたち寺門通親衛隊には 勝てやしねえんだよ！
いや｡ ちょっと 勝手なこと 言わないでください｡
Uh, could you stop making stuff up?
寺門通親衛隊!? ﾔﾂら あの最強の!?
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club?
They're the legendary...
Impossible.
ﾊﾞｶな！ 親衛隊は 新興勢力によって➡
I heard they were destroyed by a rising new force.
とっくに壊滅させられたって 聞いたぞ！
まさか！ ﾔﾂらがまだ生きていたなんて!!
I didn't expect them to still be around!
This isn't funny!
冗談じゃないぞ！ 拙者 ﾔﾂらがいないなら➡
I came because I figured I had a chance, since they were gone!
もしや勝ち残れるかもと まいったのに～!!
８皿なんて人間技じゃない！
Eight plates isn't humanly possible!
I was expecting one plate at most, which just shows he's on a whole different level.
ひと皿なら なんとかと思ってたが ﾚﾍﾞﾙが違いすぎる～!!
I'm the first one out!
ｵ ｵﾚ いち抜けた！ にぃ抜けた！
Second!
Oh, this is a surprising scene.
[ﾏｲｸ]おっと！ これは驚くべき現象が 起こっている！
The appearance of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club has led to teams giving up one after another!
[ﾏｲｸ]寺門通親衛隊の登場を かわきりに➡
大会をｷﾞﾌﾞｱｯﾌﾟするﾁｰﾑが続出！
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club is a fearsome force!
[ﾏｲｸ]恐るべし！ 寺門通親衛隊！
何やってんだ！ 早くおりなさい！
What are you doing?!
Get down here!
[ﾏｲｸ]戦わずして 他のﾁｰﾑを圧倒！
Overwhelming other teams without even fighting!
A good portion of the teams have taken flight after that scat talk!
[ﾏｲｸ]ｽｶﾄﾛﾄｰｸのみで➡
出場ﾁｰﾑの１割を 敗走させてしまった！
銀さん｡ かたじけないです｡ わかってんだろうな？
Gin-san, I appreciate this.
You understand, right?
I don't care about the membership cards.
会員証うんぬんは いい｡ 賞金は丸々ｵﾚのものだからな｡
The reward money is all mine.
What are you talking about?
何言ってるｱﾙか！ 賞金は私のものｱﾙ！
The reward money's mine.
That's why I listened to Otsu-chan's songs over and over until I could sing them from memory.
私このために お通ちゃんの曲 何回も聴いて➡
ｿﾗで歌えるまでになったｱﾙ！
♪♪｢お前の兄ちゃん ひき…！｣
Your big brother's a hi-
ﾊﾞｶなの？ 死ぬの？ のど自慢大会じゃねえんだよ｡
Are you stupid? Dying?
This isn't a singing contest.
おい｡ 新ちゃん 大丈夫なの？ ﾎﾝﾄ ｺｲﾂら…｡
Hey...
Shin-chan, are these people really going to work?
え～ 私語をしない｡ 寺門通親衛隊｡
Uh, cut the chatter.
Tsu Terakado Fan Club,
今度あんなことやったら 即刻失格にしますぜ｡
if you pull something like this again, you'll be immediately disqualified.
えっと 思わぬ事態が 起きてしまいましたが➡
Well, we had an unexpected disruption, but please calm down, everybody.
皆さん 落ち着いてください｡
Otsu-chan, are you okay?
お通ちゃん 大丈夫？ あ あの… はい｡
U-Um...
Yes.
ごめんね 恥ずかしい思い させちゃって！
Sorry about embarrassing you like that.
But everybody who stayed is able to eat Otsu-chan's ****, so you don't have to worry.
でも ここに残った人たちは➡
みんな お通ちゃんの… を 食べられる派だから安心して｡
Stop talking about ****, MC!
…の話から離れろよ 司会者！
申し訳ありません｡
I apologize.
We've lost quite a few teams, but we'll carry on as planned.
だいぶﾁｰﾑも減ってしまいましたが 構わず進行しようと思います｡
ここで脱落するような人は まず予選は 生き残れませんから｡
The people who already left would never have survived till the end.
いいですか？ 皆さん｡
Understood, everybody?
I'll explain the prelims so listen carefully.
予選の説明をしますから よく聞いてください｡
４人１組を１ﾁｰﾑとして➡
We have approximately one thousand teams of four people here,
ここにいる およそ1,000のﾁｰﾑの中から➡
予選をくぐり抜け 本選に出場できるのは➡
but only four teams will make it to the final selection!
たったの… ４ﾁｰﾑだけです！
Only four teams out of a thousand?!
1,000ﾁｰﾑから たったの４ﾁｰﾑ!?
しょっぱなから 激戦中の激戦じゃないか！
A fierce battle right off the bat?!
Only those who truly love Otsu-chan can win the honor of being Otsu-chan's Official Fan Club!
お通ちゃんｵﾌｨｼｬﾙﾌｧﾝｸﾗﾌﾞの 栄冠を手にできるのは➡
真に お通ちゃんを 愛する者だけです！
However, there is no way to measure love!
しかし 愛を測る計測器はない！
In that case, you'll have to show me your love!
ならば この目に 見せてもらうしかないでしょう！
You call yourself a hyooooo-man?
Use your knowledge, stamina, and everything else you have to reach your beloved Otsu-chan!
知力 体力 あらゆる力 持てる力をすべて使って➡
What planet is your maaaa-ma fr-
愛する お通ちゃんのもとまで たどり着いてください！
予選で見せてもらうのは 体力！
The prelims will be a test of...
Stamina!
これから お通ちゃんは ﾍﾘで大江戸ﾃﾚﾋﾞに移動します｡
Otsu-chan will now take a helicopter to OEDO TV.
あそこにあるのが そうですね｡
It's over there.
この河川敷から 大江戸ﾃﾚﾋﾞまで およそ10ｷﾛのｺｰｽ｡
We have a ten kilometer course from the riverbed to OEDO TV.
これを皆さんには 走ってきてもらいます｡
You'll have to run it.
お通ちゃんのもとへ いち早く到着した上位４人｡
The first four people to reach Otsu-chan...
この４人が所属するﾁｰﾑが➡
The teams those people belong to will earn the right to proceed to the final contest!
勝利者として 本選へ ｺﾏを進めることができます｡
要するに ﾁｰﾑ４人のうち １人がﾋﾞﾘｯｹﾂでも➡
In other words, it doesn't matter if you have a slow ass on your team.
１人が上位４人に食い込めば 予選通過です｡
As long as one member ranks in the top four, your team proceeds!
But don't forget this:
でも これだけは 忘れないでください｡
If anybody on the team gives up, that team is immediately disqualified!
ﾁｰﾑの中で １人でも 棄権者 ｷﾞﾌﾞｱｯﾌﾟする者が出れば➡
そのﾁｰﾑは 失格になります！
みんな！ 早く来てね！ 私 待ってるから！
Everybody!
Come quick!
I'll be waiting!
それじゃ 準備はいい？
Then, is everybody ready?!
Huh? We're already starting? Already starting?
えっ もうやるの!? (お通)位置について➡
Ready...
よ～い➡
Set!
Go fish!
どん松五郎！
♪♪～
Why do otaku have such a hard time understanding how to use their bodies?
ｵﾀｸってのは どうして こうも 体の使い方 知らないんかね｡
If they sprint at the very beginning, they're not going to last ten kilometers.
最初っから あんな飛ばして 10ｷﾛもつわけねえだろうが｡
いるよね～ 最初だけ飛ばして➡
You'll always find people who race off at the beginning and drop off later on like Yamcha.
[Note: Yamcha is a character from Dragon Ball.]
あとから ﾔﾑﾁｬのごとく 次々 抜かれていくﾔﾂ！
Shin-chan, let's run together.
新ちゃん 一緒に走ろうね｡
ｺﾞｰﾙのﾃｰﾌﾟも一緒に切ろうね｡
Let's cross the line together.
神楽 あとは任せた｡ ｵﾚ 流すわ｡
Kagura, you take care of the rest.
I'm gonna take it easy.
Woo-hoo!
ﾋｬｯﾎｰ！ 賞金もらい！
The money's mine!
半分こだ ﾊﾞｶﾀﾚ！
Fifty-fifty, fool.
Yahoo!
ﾋｬｯﾎｰｲ！
Buddy, this is so easy that I can feel mushrooms growing out of my belly button.
ぱっつぁんよ ﾁｮﾛすぎて ﾍｿでｳｼﾞがわきそうだ｡
Stop, you're killing me.
茶を沸かしてください！
So easy that...
[Note: Parody of TV series from the 90s, "Ai to iu nano motoni" (In the name of love).]
ﾁｮﾛすぎて ﾍｿで中野英雄が➡
the Hideo Nakao in my belly button was tricked by a Filipino woman and almost killed himself.
ﾌｨﾘﾋﾟﾝの女に騙されて 自殺しそうだ｡
茶を沸かしてください｡
Stop, you're killing me.
And that joke is ancient.
つうか 元ﾈﾀ古いです｡
How can we possibly lose to a bunch of flabby otaku with their bellies hanging out?
腹の出た虚弱体質のｵﾀｸどもに ｵﾚたちが負けるわけねえもの！
There wasn't any need for me to participate.
ｵﾚが でばる必要もなかったな｡
ｵﾀｸは そうかもしれませんけど…｡
That may apply to the otaku...
What is it?
なんだよ 気になることでもあるのか？
Are you worried about something?
Well, I can't find Hijikata-san.
いや… 土方さんの姿が 見あたらなくて…｡
あっ!? お前 まだｱｲﾂのこと気にしてんの？
What? You're still worried about him?
Why isn't he around?
なんで いないんだろう…｡
Well, I suppose it'd be hard to spot him in this huge crowd.
まあ こんだけの人が集まってたら そう簡単に見つからないか…｡
気にすることねえよ｡
There's no need to worry.
It's possible that after all that big talk, he failed to finish the paperwork.
偉そうなこと言って➡
案外 書類審査とかで 落ちてんじゃねえの？
まあ いいや｡ とりあえず ｵﾚ だるいから➡
Whatever.
Anyway, I'm tired, so I'll take a sedan to the TV station.
駕籠で ﾃﾚﾋﾞ局まで行くわ｡
I'll be rolling around in prize money, so I might as well start splurging now.
どうせ 賞金入るし 贅沢してもいいだろ？
ﾍｲ 駕籠！
Hey, sedan!
Hey!
おい！ どんだけ怠け者なんだよ！
How lazy are you?!
ﾀﾞﾒですってば！ ﾌﾝ ﾌﾝ！
You can't!
あっ…｡ 棄権者が出たﾁｰﾑは➡
Didn't they say that any team that has a member who gives up would be disqualified?!
即失格って 言ってたじゃないですか！
走ることを 放棄することは すなわち➡
Refusing to run is the same as giving up!
棄権することと同じですよ！
It'll be fine.
大丈夫だよ｡ 24時間ﾃﾚﾋﾞでも…が ｶﾒﾗ映ってないとこで➡
[Note: Parody of "24 Hour TV Love Saves the Earth". A popular section of this show has charity marathons run by celebrities.]
I heard that ***** ********* was riding in a car when the cameras weren't on her on the 24-hour TV show.
車乗ってたらしいからな｡
And you've even got people who air pre-recorded stuff.
そんなﾔﾂの上にも 平等に『ｻﾗｲ』は流れるからね｡
This isn't pre-recorded!
『ｻﾗｲ』流れない！ 賞金とｵﾌｨｼｬﾙ会員証が流れます！
We'll lose the prize money and official membership cards!
おい いい加減にしろよ ﾃﾒｴ｡
Hey, cut it out already.
こっちはﾏｼﾞで親衛隊の 存亡をかけてやってんだよ｡
We're betting our fan club's existence here.
I'll beat the crap out of you if you don't shape up!
あんま なめてっと ﾏｼﾞしばくぞ ｺﾗｯ！
Let me go, stupid brat.
離せ ｸｿｶﾞｷ！ ﾁｬｰﾑﾎﾟｲﾝﾄの 出っ歯 叩き折られてえのか！
You want me to smash your best facial feature, those protruding teeth?
ﾁｬｰﾑﾎﾟｲﾝﾄなわけねえだろ これ！
Like hell they're my best feature!
I obviously harbor a complex about that!
どう見てもｺﾝﾌﾟﾚｯｸｽだろ！
Bite your tongue.
黙れ！ 人はｺﾝﾌﾟﾚｯｸｽを ﾊﾞﾈにして成長すんだよ｡
People use their complexes as a way to mature.
劣等感があるから より ﾏｼなもんになろうとすんだよ！
You try to become better when you feel inferior.
ある種ﾁｬｰﾑﾎﾟｲﾝﾄだろうが！
So you could consider it a good feature in a way.
折るぞ そのとびっきりのﾁｬｰﾑﾎﾟｲﾝﾄ｡
I'm gonna snap that great feature of yours.
Do it!
折れよ！ 折って二枚目にしてくれよ！
Snap them and make me handsome!
もう やめろよ たかちんも！
Stop it, Takachin!
Snapping them won't make you handsome!
折っても二枚目になんないから！ そういう問題じゃないから！
That's not the issue here!
く～っ どういう問題…｡
Damn it...
What's the issue-
た たかちん！
Takachin!
Takachin, get a grip! Takachin!
たかちんしっかりしろ たかちん！
They snapped...
う… 折れた｡ 歯 ど どう？
How do they look...?
そういう問題じゃないだろう！
That's not the issue here!
ど… どういう問題？
What's the issue...?
Ah, he looks okay so carry on.
(沖田) あ なんか大丈夫みたいなんで➡
出しちゃっていいですよ｡ ああ そう｡
I see.
え～と ﾃﾚﾋﾞ局ですよね｡
Uh, you're headed to the TV station, right?
そうです 大江戸ﾃﾚﾋﾞ｡
Yes, OEDO TV.
たかち～ん！
Takachin!
ねぇ 今明らかに知ってるﾔﾂが 見たことあるﾀﾞｻいｺｽﾁｭｰﾑ着て➡
Hey, somebody we obviously know was wearing a rather familiar lame costume
聞いたことある場所に ﾀｸｼｰで向かって行ったんだけど｡
and headed to a place we just heard about in a taxi.
はっ？ んなこと言ってる 場合じゃないでしょ！
Huh?!
This isn't the time for that!
早くたかちんを 病院に連れていか…｡
We have to take Takachin to the ER!
If anybody on the team gives up, that team is immediately disqualified!
((ｱﾅｳﾝｻｰ:１人でも棄権者が 出れば 即失格になります…))
たかちん びょ… びょい～んってしてますね 髪が｡
Takachin...
The E-E-E-E-E-
His hair is bouncing back and forth. E-R, E-R.
うん｡ してるわ びょい～んて｡ あれが…｡
Yeah, it sure is.
さっ さて こんなことしてる 暇ないよ たかちん｡
O-Okay.
We don't have time for this, Takachin.
L-Let's go.
行こうか｡ お おい しっかり歩けよ｡
H-Hey, walk properly.
たかちんどうしたよ｡ だから 飲みすぎんなって言ったんだよ｡
Takachin, what's wrong?
That's why I told you not to drink so much.
よし もう１軒行くか？ ﾃﾚﾋﾞ局はしごすっか？ ｱﾊﾊﾊｯ｡
Okay, we'll get you another round.
At the TV station bar.
し 白眼向むちゃってるよ 銀さん｡
H-His eyes are rolling back in his head.
白眼むいちゃってますよ ｱﾊﾊﾊｯ｡
Rolling back in his head!
He's obviously had too much to drink.
飲みすぎだよ 完全に｡ は… やっぱり 病…｡
M-Maybe we should go to the E-
びょい～んってしてるね｡
His hair's going E-R, E-R.
It sure is.
びょい～んてしてますね｡ あの あれが…｡
Uh, yeah.
(山崎)あれ？
Huh?
何やってんですか 旦那｡
What are you doing, master?
[To Be Continued]
[Preview]
How long will you continue to struggle, members of the Tsu Terakado Fan Club?
When the other teams are all my pawns...
The next episode...
"If One Orange in the Box is Rotten, the Rest of Them Will Become Rotten Before You Know It!"
[With all the traps laid before them, the Tsu Terakado Fan Club is in danger of dropping out.]
[But the strongest help of all appears! And that person's name is...]
[See you next time.]