The first match of this three-match contest, the quiz showdown,
本戦 ３本勝負！
１本目 ｸｲｽﾞ対決は 通選組の勝利!!
goes to the Tsusengumi!
(ｵﾀｸたち)うおぉ～!! [ﾏｲｸ]通選組 近藤氏！
Mr. Kondo, of the Tsusengumi, in realizing that Otsu-chan physically can't stand him
お通ちゃんに 生理的に嫌われていることを➡
みごと看破し 逆転勝利をおさめました～！
has successfully propelled his losing team to a win!
You did it, Chief.
(山崎)やりましたね 局長！ (近藤)何を？
Did what?
(沖田)おいしいところ 全部持ってかれちまいましたよ｡
You've taken all the glory.
Good effort.
(沖田)大活躍じゃないっすか｡ (近藤)え？ 何がおいしいの？
Huh? What glory?
[ﾏｲｸ]一方 親衛隊！
On the flip side,
the Fan Club was on the verge of victory before it slipped through their fingers!
あと一歩のところで 勝利を逃してしまった！
Hey, freak!
(銀時)ﾃﾒｴよぉ！ 何のために➡
Why do you think I bought that expensive French bread to hire you, damn it?!
高いﾌﾗﾝｽﾊﾟﾝで 雇ったと思ってんだ!?
ｺﾗｧ！ (神楽)いくら活躍したってな➡
It doesn't matter how well you did if we didn't win.
勝てなきゃ意味ないんだよ！
ﾅﾝﾊﾞｰﾜﾝになれなくてもいいなんて あまっちょろい歌➡
You can't sell a crappy song that's never hit number one in this country.
この国じゃ通用しねえんだよ！
[ﾏｲｸ]ﾓﾒております！
They're fighting amongst each other!
The members who didn't do a thing are blaming Mr. Taka-tin!
まったく活躍しなかったﾒﾝﾊﾞｰに ﾀｶﾃｨﾝ氏が➡
責めたてられております！
Yet he looks so calm.
しかし なぜかその表情は穏やかです！
《土方:よくわからんが なんとか１戦目は切り抜けたな！
I don't really get it, but we somehow made it through the first match.
We just have to keep this up and take the second match. Then victory will be ours.
この調子で２戦目もおさえて 勝ちを決めてやる！》
Damn it...
《新八:ｸｿｯ！ ﾎﾞｸさえ出ていれば 勝てる勝負を…！
We could have won if I had been up there...
We definitely won't lose the next one.
次は絶対に負けられない！
このままじゃ… 終われない！》
We can't let it end like this!
["Laputa's Still Good After Seeing It So Many Times"]
Now we'll move on to the next showdown!
それでは次の対決に 移らせてもらいます！
The second match in this three-match contest!
本戦３本勝負 ２本目は…｡
A charisma showdown!
[Match 2 - Charisma Showdown]
体力 知力ときて 次に試されるのは魅力！
After testing your stamina and wits, we will now test your charisma!
今から 両ﾁｰﾑそれぞれ順番に➡
Both teams will now take turns
お通ちゃんを 口説いてもらいます！
hitting on Otsu-chan!
お通ちゃんを口説き落とし ２人きりになれる➡
The team who manages to successfully woo Otsu-chan
静かで落ち着いた宿泊施設に 連れ込んだﾁｰﾑを勝利とします！
and take her to someplace with nice and quiet accommodations will win!
What are you implying by "nice and quiet accommodations"?!
[Note: Metaphor for a love hotel - a type of short-stay hotel operated primarily for the purpose of allowing couples privacy for having sex.]
静かで落ち着いた宿泊施設って 何!?
What the hell?!
ﾌｻﾞけんな！ ｱｲﾄﾞﾙに何やらせようと してんだ！
How can you do this to an idol?!
Please calm down, everybody!
皆さん 落ち着いてください！ あくまで ﾊﾞｰﾁｬﾙの話です！
This will merely be a simulation.
Nobody will actually be taking her anywhere.
本当に連れ込むわけでは ありません！
これから行われることは すべてﾊﾞｰﾁｬﾙです！
Everything that's about to happen will be purely a simulation!
お通ちゃんがｸﾞｯとくる ｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝ ｾﾘﾌ 演出を➡
Come up with your own setting,
lines, and a whole package that will really touch Otsu-chan.
すべて自分で考え設定し その即興のﾊﾞｰﾁｬﾙ空間のなかで➡
And hit on Otsu-chan in this improvised virtual space!
お通ちゃんを 口説き落としてください！
言いかえれば これは芝居勝負です！
You could say that this is an acting contest!
配役は １人が口説き役｡ ２人は それをｱｼｽﾄする脇役｡
One person will be assigned to putting on the moves,
while two others assist.
The last person will narrate the entire scene!
そして もう１人は 全体の流れを運ぶﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝ役です｡
今から３分だけ 打ち合わせの時間を与えます！
You'll be given three minutes to prepare!
Three minutes?
３分!? たったの？
That's it?
This contest also tests your ability to ad lib!
[ﾏｲｸ]これは ｱﾄﾞﾘﾌﾞ性が 求められる対決です｡
Or else, we won't be able to see your true charm!
そうでなければ 皆さんが本来持つ魅力が➡
発揮できませんので｡
The winner of the last match, the Tsusengumi, will go first!
先攻は 先ほど勝利した通選組｡
To be fair, the latter team, the Fan Club, won't be allowed to confer after the clock starts.
後攻の親衛隊も公平を期し 以降は 打ち合わせを認めません｡
Just decide on a basic setting and flow.
最低限の設定と 流れだけ決めてください｡
では 打ち合わせ開始！
Then start brainstorming!
おい どうするﾄｼ？
Hey, what do we do, Toshi?
とりあえず 口説き役は お前で決まりだな｡
I'm guessing that you're the one hitting on her.
Wait, why me?
ちょっと待て｡ なんでｵﾚ？ (近藤)真選組一のﾓﾃ男！
As the most popular man in the Shinsengumi,
女の気持には お前が いちばん精通してるだろ！
you should be well-versed in the female heart.
I'm not, man.
してねえよ！ おい 勘弁してくれ！
Give me a break.
こんな大勢の前で 女口説くなんて恥ずかしい真似➡
It'd be embarrassing to hit on a girl in front of all these people.
適当に山崎あたりに…｡
Just go with Yamazaki or something.
How am I supposed to hit on a girl with this hair?
こんな頭で どうやって 女口説くっていうんですか｡
[Fist of the North Star is a famous manga and anime series.]
I can't play anything beyond a side role in Fist of the North Star.
『北斗の拳』の脇役くらいしか できませんよ｡
そもそも ｵﾚたち 副長のために来たんですよ｡
Besides, we came here for your sake.
そこは 自分で やってもらわないと…｡
You need to do this yourself.
I don't want to embarrass myself so I'll just narrate behind the scenes.
ｵﾚは 恥かくのｲﾔなんで➡
裏方で適当に ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝやらせてもらいまさぁ｡
おい ちょっと待て！ なに勝手に…！
Hey, wait!
Why are you deciding this on your own?
ｵﾚが適当に振るんで➡
I'll just make something up so play along, everybody.
みんな それに合わせて やってください｡
Okay!
(山崎/近藤)ｵｯｹｰ！ (土方)ちょ… ちょっと待て！
H-H-Hey, wait!
お前らって！ [ﾏｲｸ]ﾀｲﾑｱｯﾌﾟ 時間です！
Time's up! That's all!
Hey! I said to wait up! For real!
おい！ ﾎﾝﾄ待てって！
Let the Tsusengumi's romantic play begin!
[ﾏｲｸ]それでは 通選組による 愛の劇場ｽﾀｰﾄです！
あっ！
[The scene you are about to watch is just a simulation.]
The setting is a bar on the top floor of a fancy hotel with a wonderful night view.
＜沖田:ここは 夜景の美しい 高級ﾎﾃﾙの最上階のﾊﾞｰ｡
As women cheerfully pour drinks for the rich patrons,
金持ちたちが女をはべらせ 賑やかに酒をくらうなか➡
a man is bitterly drinking his liquor alone again tonight.
今宵も男はひとり 苦い顔で酒をなめる｡
《ﾊﾞｰか… 総悟にしちゃ 悪かねえな｡
A bar, huh...
Not bad for Sogo...
こうなりゃ仕方ねえ｡ まあ なんとかなるか…》
I guess I have no choice.
Well, it'll probably work out somehow.
This was the man's special seat on Friday nights.
＜金曜の夜 その席は 男の特等席｡
いつも決まって ひとりで ふらりと現れ➡
He would always arrive with no purpose and sit drinking until the place closed.
店が閉まるまで ただ黙って その席でｸﾞﾗｽを傾けていた｡
As he did the Friday before,
その前の金曜も その前の金曜も｡
and the Friday before that,
さらに その前の金曜も その前の金曜も＞
and the Friday before that,
and the Friday before that.
《おい なんか ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝ長くねえか？》
Hey, isn't your narration a little long?
＜ ただ その前の 金曜だけは違った｡
But the Friday before that was a little different.
Because they were playing Laputa on Friday Roadshow.
[Note: Reference to Laputa: Castle in the Sky. Friday Roadshow is a movie program on Nippon TV.]
｢ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀ｣が 『金曜ﾛｰﾄﾞｼｮｰ』で やっていたからだ＞
《どうでもいいんだよ｡
Who cares about that?
Just move on already.
んなことは もういいから 早く話 進めろ》
He set up his TiVo before heading to the bar,
＜ﾊｰﾄﾞﾃﾞｨｽｸに予約して ﾊﾞｰに向かったのだが➡
すでに ﾊｰﾄﾞﾃﾞｨｽｸの容量が➡
but then he remembered the hard drive was already full,
いっぱいになっていたことを 思い出し 帰って編集していたら➡
so he returned to clear up some space,
誤って まだ見ていない 『ﾀｰﾐﾈｰﾀｰ３』を消してしまい➡
and accidentally deleted Terminator 3 which he hadn't watched yet.
そうこうしているうちに ｢ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀ｣が始まって…＞
Once Laputa came up on the screen,
Forget that already!
《もういいって！ そんな細かいこと➡
Nobody cares about the details!
どうでもいいんだよ！ いいから話 進めろ！》
Just move on already!
the man became all excited as though summer vacation had just begun.
＜男は ｢ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀ｣が ﾃﾚﾋﾞ放映されるとき➡
まるで夏休み前のように ﾃﾝｼｮﾝが上がった＞
《おい～！ ｢ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀ｣は もういいって言ってんだよ！
Hey!
I told you to drop the Laputa already!
どこ掘り下げてんだ！》
Where are you going with this?!
He's already seen it many times,
＜ もう何度も観ているのに➡
but he always felt sad as he watched Laputa rise in the ending.
決まってｴﾝﾃﾞｨﾝｸﾞで ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀが天空に去っていくときは➡
切なくなった｡ 前の放映のときも…＞
As he did the time before...
And the time before that...
Move on already!
《早く話 進めろ！ だいたい ｵﾚは 『紅の豚』派だ！》
And I'm more of a Porco Rosso fan!
[Note: Porco Rosso is a Hayao Miyazaki film about a cursed Italian World War I fighter ace who is transformed into a pig.]
＜ そもそも 男が その高くそびえるﾎﾃﾙのﾊﾞｰに➡
In fact, the man went to this bar in a towering hotel
足しげく通うのも➡
because he had a faint hope that he might be able to see Laputa from here.
ここからなら もしや ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀが 見えるかもしれない という➡
淡い期待を 抱いてのことであった＞
That was the reason?!
《土方:そんな理由かい！ なんか すごいわけが➡
Shouldn't there be some kind of a better reason?
あるんじゃねえのかよ！》
But he still couldn't see Laputa tonight...
＜ しかし 今宵もﾗﾋﾟｭﾀは見えない｡
The man had a bitter look on his face.
男の顔は 苦くなるばかりであった＞
That's way too bitter!
《苦すぎるだろ！ どんなｷｬﾗ設定!?
What kind of character am I?!
もういい｡ ｵﾚのｷｬﾗの掘り下げはいいから➡
Forget it.
Stop digging into my character.
Just bring out Otsu.
早く お通を出せ》
(近藤)お客さん 今日も１人ですか？
Hey, big guy.
You're alone again tonight?
Honestly...
まったく こんな色男を放っておくなんて➡
There's something wrong with all the women in this world who ignore such a lady-killer.
世の女性たちは 何をやっているんだか… ﾌｯ｡
＜彼は ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀが 唯一 心を許す人物 ﾏｽﾀｰ＞
He was the only person Laputa ever opened up to, the master.
《なんで ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀが あだ名になってんだよ》
Why is Laputa my nickname?
A cheerful man who didn't discriminate against a soul.
＜ どんなものにも分け隔てなく 気さくに接する陽気な人物だ｡
ちなみに 彼の好きな映画は ｢ﾄﾄﾛ｣＞
By the way, his favorite movie was Totoro.
[Note: Reference to: My Neighbor Totoro, another Miyazaki film.]
Cut it out already!
《土方：いい加減にしろ！ いちいちｼﾞﾌﾞﾘ映画で➡
Do you have to use Ghibli films to exemplify everybody's character?!
ｷｬﾗを掘り下げなきゃ 気がすまねえのか！》
＜沖田:ﾛﾘｺﾝではないが ｻﾂｷ派か ﾒｲ派か➡
He wasn't a pedo,
[Note: Satsuki and Mei are the two young girl main characters from My Neighbor Totoro.]
but if he had to choose between Satsuki and Mei, he'd go with Satsuki.
どちらかといえばｻﾂｷ派であった＞
《土方:どうでもいいんだよﾏｽﾀｰの ことは！ ってか何でどや顔》
Who cares about the master?!
And why does he look so smug?!
＜沖田:ただし お母さんが 退院できないことを知って➡
But few people knew that he'd been turned off
by how realistic the crying was in the scene where
不安になった気丈なｻﾂｷが 初めて泣くｼｰﾝを見て➡
泣き顔がﾘｱﾙすぎて 軽く引いたことは➡
Satsuki learns that her mother won't be released from the hospital.
あまり知られていない＞
How would anybody know about something so meaningless?!
《土方:知るわけねだろ そんな超どうでもいいこと！》
However, few people knew that he wasn't actually the master,
＜沖田:しかし 彼が本当はﾏｽﾀｰではなく➡
but merely a part-timer who was nicknamed, "the master".
ﾏｽﾀｰというあだ名の ただのﾊﾞｲﾄということは➡
あまり知られていない＞
《土方:知りたくねえんだよ そんなどうでもいい情報！
Nobody wants to know that useless information!
That's enough narrating already!
もういいってんだよ ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝ！》
Long ago, after watching him using the shaker,
＜沖田: 彼のｼｪｰｶｰをふる姿を見て➡
ﾏｽﾀｰか ﾍﾞｰｼｮﾝかどちらにするか➡
the other employees had an argument about whether to call him "the master" or "bation".
当時店員たちの間で 論争になったことは遠い昔の話＞
《土方:そっちのﾏｽﾀｰ？
You meant that master?!
What kind of nickname is that?!
どんなあだ名の つけられかたしてんだよ！
He's just being bullied!
完全にいじめられてるだろうが！
ﾀﾞﾒだ｡ ｺｲﾂらに 任せてたら 話が進まない｡
It's hopeless.
This won't go anywhere if I leave it to them.
何とかしなければ…》
I have to do something...
Master, I've grown tired of drinking by myself.
ﾏｽﾀｰ ひとりで飲む酒も ちょっと飽きてきたところだ｡
Could you introduce me to a nice lady?
誰かいい女でもいたら 紹介してくれよ｡
Surely, you jest.
おたわむれを｡ そんな娘がいれば➡
If such a nice lady were around, I'd have taken her already.
私がとっくにいただいてますよ｡
Sorry about that.
おっとｺｲﾂは失礼｡ ﾏｽﾀｰもｵﾚと同じか｡
You're in the same bind.
ﾊｧｰ ｵﾚたちの前にも 空からかわいい女の子でも➡
If only a cute girl would fall out of the sky.
落ちてきてくれないものかね｡
《ここまで話をふれば 出てこざるを得まい》
Now that I've said that, they'll have to bring her out...
(山崎)ｳﾌﾌﾌｯ… おかしな人｡ あなたはｼﾞﾌﾞﾗｰ？
Such a funny man...
Are you Ghibler?
[Note: A term for Studio Ghibli fan]
《きた！》
Here she is.
Is the cute girl falling out of the sky Sheeta from Laputa?
空から落ちてくる女の子って ｢ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀ｣のｼｰﾀ？
それとも 魔女宅のｷｷ？
Or Kiki from Kiki's Delivery Service?
Or the whore who's fallen out of grace,
それとも 落ちぶれた娼婦？
この私のことかしら？
moi?
《お前じゃねえ！》
I didn't mean you!
ご一緒させてもらって よろしいかしら？
May I join you?
Hell no! Who are you supposed to be?!
《よろしいわけねえだろ！ 誰なんだ お前は！
ここはもう お通登場でいいだろ！
Can't you bring out Otsu already?!
Why bring out the stupid mohawk now?!
何でここで どうでもいい ﾓﾋｶﾝﾊﾞｶが登場？
空気を読め！ つうか こんな頭の女いるわけねえだろ！
Get a clue!
And there aren't any women with hair like this!
何なんだよ この存在感！》
He's making a huge impression!
Sorry to keep you waiting.
(お通)お待たせ！ ｺﾞﾒﾝね 仕事で遅れちゃって！
My work kept me late.
ああ こっち こっち！
Ah, over here.
Sh-She's here!
《きっ きた！ そうか！ お通の友人役を演じることで➡
I see.
The strategy is for him to play Otsu's friend and introduce the two of us,
ｵﾚとお通の仲介役になり➡
so he can provide assistance for a smooth attack.
ｽﾑｰｽﾞに口説けるように 補助する作戦か｡
考えるじゃねえか｡ 何も考えず➡
Nice thinking.
So he wasn't just playing a female for no reason at all.
強引に女優演じたわけじゃ なかったってことか》
《何でｵﾒｴが間にいるんだよ！》
Why are you in the middle?!
Um, is that man a friend of yours, Mohi-chan?
[Note: Short for "mohawk" which is pronounced "Mohikan" in Japanese.]
あのそちらの男性 ﾓﾋちゃんの知り合い？
Ah, yes.
ああ うん 今ちょっとﾅﾝﾊﾟされて➡
He just hit on me, so I was going to have a little fun with him.
ちょっと遊んでやろうかな って思ってたとこ｡
《ﾌﾞﾁ殺されてえのか ﾓﾋｶﾝﾊﾞｶ！
Do you want me to kill you, stupid mohawk?!
I don't have time to mess with you!
お前と遊んでる暇ねえんだよ！
Why is a sideshow taking the best position!
脇役のお前が ﾍﾞｽﾄﾎﾟｼﾞｼｮﾝ確保してどうすんだよ！
That's where I'm supposed to be sitting!
そこは 口説き役のﾎﾟｼﾞｼｮﾝだろ！》
あの なんか 注文しますか 飲みものと…｡
Uh, would you like-
A drink?
《空気を読め！
Get a clue!
Move out of the way, mohawk!
そこをどけ ﾓﾋｶﾝ！ 喋りづらくて仕方ねえんだよ！》
I can't get in a word edgewise!
あっ すみません｡ じゃあ ｳｰﾛﾝ茶で｡
Excuse me.
Could I get oolong tea?
今 ちょうど この人と ｼﾞﾌﾞﾘﾋﾛｲﾝのなかで➡
This man and I were just having
a heated discussion about which Ghibli heroine was the best.
誰がいちばんいい女かって話で 盛り上がってたんだけど｡
《盛り上がってねえよ！ この期に及んでまだｼﾞﾌﾞﾘ？》
We weren't.
You're still going on about Ghibli?!
お通は 誰がいちばん好き？
Who's your favorite, Otsu?
《どうでもいいんだよ そんな話は！
Who cares about that subject?!
You could at least ask what her type is!
せめて 好きな男性のﾀｲﾌﾟとか 聞け！》
私は 断然 ｻﾂｷですね｡
I'd have to go with Satsuki.
《土方:ｵﾒｴ聞いてねえよ！》
Nobody was talking to you!
The way she looks after her little sister reminds me of Otae-san.
妹の面倒をよく見るところとか お妙さんとかぶってるし➡
絶対いいお母さんになりますよ｡
She'll definitely make a wonderful mother!
《お妙さんとか 普通に言ってんじゃねよ！
Don't mention Otae-san.
素に戻ってんだろうが！》
You're not even acting anymore.
I don't have a particular favorite,
＜沖田: ｵﾚはどれもﾋﾟﾝとこないけど➡
しいて言うなら ｷｷですかね＞
but if I had to choose, I'd go with Kiki.
Why is the narrator participating in the conversation?!
《何で ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝが 普通に参加してんだ？》
It's actually easier to break in girls who have a lot of pride.
＜沖田:ああいうﾌﾟﾗｲﾄﾞの 高いﾀｲﾌﾟのほうが➡
かえって調教しやすいんですよ｡
自尊心を 一度へし折ってやれば…＞
Once you've broken their self-respect,
《何とんでもねえこと 語ってんだ！ ｼﾞﾌﾞﾘを汚すな！》
they're weaker than most people on the inside.
What the hell are you saying?!
The ones with a hard shell fall even harder.
Don't defile Ghibli!
確かに ｻﾂｷは いいお母さんになりそうだけど➡
It's true that Satsuki would make a great mom,
女としてはどうかしら？
but she's not much of a woman.
ちょっとｵｼｬﾚに 無頓着すぎるのよね｡
She doesn't even try to be fashion-conscious.
《土方:ﾓﾋｶﾝに 言われたくねえんだよ！》
A person with a mohawk shouldn't be talking.
ああいう素材が もとからいいﾀｲﾌﾟは➡
She's the type with natural beauty who forgets about dressing herself up.
きれいになる努力を 忘れがちなのよ｡
もしくは おしゃれに目覚めても➡
Or if she were to try, she'd find that
もとがいいから いじりようがなくて➡
there wasn't anything to fix, so she'd try for a different angle and go overboard like Kaela.
[Note: Reference to Japanese model, pop singer "Kaela Kimura".]
別のﾍﾞｸﾄﾙに走って ｶｴﾗのように 行きすぎたﾊﾟﾀｰﾝに陥りがちなの｡
《どんだけ深いとこまで 見てんだ｡
How far are you reading into this?!
気持悪すぎだろ お前ら》
You people are creeping me out!
(山崎)私から言わせると ﾒｲちゃんのほうが➡
I'd say that Mei-chan would be the type to be completely different at a reunion.
同窓会で再会したら化けるﾀｲﾌﾟね｡
She's got a complex about her sister and she's the kind who grows with effort.
お姉ちゃんへのｺﾝﾌﾟﾚｯｸｽもあるし 努力して あとから伸びるﾀｲﾌﾟよ｡
(近藤)いや でも 伸びるって 言っても 限界があるからね｡
But she can only grow so much!
あの子 完全にお父さん似だから 完成形はあれだから｡
Since, she takes after her father!
That'll be her peak, so she can't beat her older sister!
お姉ちゃん 超えられないでしょう｡
Yeah, but girls who are cute when they're little
＜ いや でも 小さい頃から かわいい子は…＞
《土方:屯所で話せ！
are already at their peak, so they can only deteriorate.
Talk about this back at headquarters!
ｵﾒｴらしか 盛り上がってねえんだよ｡
You're the only ones getting into this conversation!
どんだけ ｼﾞﾌﾞﾘ好きなんだよ ﾃﾒｴら！
Do you people really love Ghibli that much?!
全然 ｵﾚをｻﾎﾟｰﾄする気ねえだろ｡
You have no intention of supporting me.
完全に お通が置いてけぼりに てなっんだろうが》
Otsu is being left in the dust.
Th-This is...
《こ これは…｡
奇妙な連帯感｡
An odd sense of solidarity.
集団の中での孤独 疎外感を共有することにより➡
Both feeling lonely, like the outsiders of a group...
ｵﾚたちの中に 共同体にも似た 意識が芽生え始めている｡
Are we starting to feel like kindred spirits?
Like two people who've come to the city from the country and feel left out at a party.
これは 上京したての 田舎者男女２人が➡
合ｺﾝの異様なﾃﾝｼｮﾝに ついていけず…》
((ﾊﾊｯ なんか 皆さん すごいですね｡
Everybody's so excited.
ｷﾐは？ みんなと一緒に 騒がなくていいの？
Aren't you going to go party with everyone else?
私 こういうのちょっと苦手で｡
I'm not very good with these situations.
ああ 実はｵﾚも))
Ah, I'm actually the same way.
《…と 意気投合するﾊﾟﾀｰﾝと まったく同じ｡
This is how they usually hit it off!
まさか… お前ら》
Could it be that you guys...
Now!
《今だ！ ﾁｬﾝｽは今しかない 副長！》
Now is your chance, Vice-Chief!
Go, Toshi!
《ゆけ！ ﾄｼ》
＜ いい子じゃないか 誘っておやり＞
Isn't she a nice girl?
Invite her along.
[Note: The image is similar to the character Dola from Laputa: Castle In the Sky.]
《土方:嵐はやみ 雲は晴れた》
The storm ceases and the clouds part.
[Hotel in the Sky]
(お通/土方) ﾗﾋﾟｭﾀは本当にあったんだ！
Laputa really existed!
The End!
終了！ 通選組 みごとﾁｪｯｸｲﾝ！
The Tsusengumi managed to check in!
なんと ﾛﾏﾝﾁｯｸな言葉も ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄも使わずに➡
They've easily landed Otsu-chan without using romantic words or presents!
あっさりと お通ちゃんを 落としてしまった｡
A clever psychological plan which displayed amazing teamwork!
巧妙に心理をついた作戦｡
ﾁｰﾑﾌﾟﾚｰのなせる技です｡
これは みごととしか 言いようがありません｡
I must say I am impressed!
そ そんなﾊﾞｶな｡
Th-That's impossible!
お通ちゃんはどうですか？ 今の気持は｡
How do you feel right now, Otsu-chan?
I'm sorry.
ごめんなさい なんか 流れで いつの間にかついていっちゃてて｡
I was just going with the flow and ended up tagging along.
So you're the type of girl who'll end up in a place like that by going with the flow, slut.
へえ 流れで ああいうとこ 行っちゃうんだ ｷﾐは｡
この尻軽女が｡ (ｵﾀｸ)司会者 ﾃﾒｴ黙れよ｡
MC, shut the fuck up!
お通ちゃんの尻は軽くなんかねえ 頭が軽いだけなんだよ！
Otsu-chan's no slut!
She's just a ditz!
次言ったら ぶっ殺すぞ！
Say it again and I'll murder you!
これは 後攻の寺門通親衛隊➡
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club is up next and is now in a difficult position!
がぜん やりづらくなってきました｡
たとえ お通ちゃんを 落とせたとしても➡
Even if they manage to land Otsu-chan, the match will be up to the judges!
勝敗は 判定に 委ねられることになります｡
よほど 鮮やかな落とし方を しなければ➡
They have no chance of victory if they don't use a brilliant method!
親衛隊に勝利はありません｡
Don't worry, Shinpachi.
心配するな 新八｡
あんな なあなあで結ばれたｶｯﾌﾟﾙは 長続きしねえって｡
Couples that are formed through collusion don't last long.
でも 銀さん ﾎﾞｸら さっきの打ち合わせ➡
But Gin-san, we were busy trying to translate for Taka-tin
ﾀｶﾃｨﾝの通訳に必死で ろくに話せてませんよ｡
during preparation and barely decided on anything.
どうすんですか？
What do we do?
この勝負は ｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝを決定する ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝに すべてかかっている｡
This match rides on the narration, which determines the whole situation.
まあ ｵﾚに任せとけば 間違いねえよ｡
Well, you can't go wrong by leaving it to me.
ﾎﾝﾄに大丈夫ですよね？ ﾛﾏﾝﾁｯｸなやつお願いしますよ｡
We can really trust you, right?
Please give us a really romantic one.
はいはい ﾛﾏﾝﾁｯｸ ﾛﾏﾝﾁｯｸあげるよってか｡
Yeah, yeah.
I'll give you some romantic-shmantic stuff.
それでは 後攻 寺門通親衛隊による➡
So the Tsu Terakado Fan Club's romantic play begins now!
愛の劇場ｽﾀｰﾄです｡
[The scene you are about to watch is just a simulation.]
＜昔々 はるか昔 まだこの世に 妖や神が存在していた頃＞
Once upon a time, a long time ago,
when demons and gods still existed...
あれ？
Huh?
＜神と妖怪の戦によって 大地は荒れ果て➡
The battle between gods and demons brought ruin to the earth,
人間たちは地下に潜り 怯え暮らす暗黒の時代があった＞
leading to a dark age where humans lived underground in fear.
ちょっ… 銀さん？
Wait... Gin-san?
＜ だが しかし 荒ぶる神と まがまがしき妖がはびこる➡
However, in this barren land where malevolent gods and sinister demons ran rampant,
枯れ果てた無人の大地を…＞
あの… これ 何ですか？
Uh, what is this?
＜ ひたすら西に向かって突き進む 一団の影が ひとつ＞
a solitary shadow moved towards the west.
銀さん わかってますよね？
Gin-san, you know what the goal is right?
女の子を口説く ﾛﾏﾝﾁｯｸなｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝですよ？
A romantic situation where you can hit on a girl.
＜人類の希望を一身に背負った 彼らが目指す先は➡
They headed to a destination far to the west, bearing the hopes of humanity.
遠い遠い西の果て｡
辿り着けば どんな夢も叶うという その神の国の名は…＞
To the kingdom of gods said to grant any wish...
《なんか 新番組 始まった!?》
[Gandara Vehotel] [Note: Music is from the TV Show "Journey to the West" Also known as "Monkey."]
It's turned into a totally different show!
♪♪『Monkey Magic』
[Original story by Gintoki Sakata]
[Project Planning by Gintoki Sakata]
♬～
[Son Goku - Shinpachi Shimura]
[Sanzo Hoshi - Otsu]
[Sagojo - Taka-tin]
[Cho Hakkai - Kagura]
[Narrated by Gintoki Sakata]
[Directed by Gintoki Sakata]
This is the story of the monk Tsukai and his company, on their stormy journey
to restore peace to Earth, by visiting the kingdom of gods, Gandara Vehotel.
[Note: The title sounds like "Grand Love Hotel."]
No, what the hell is Gandara Vehotel?!
《いや ｶﾞﾝﾀﾞｰﾗ･ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙって なんだよ!?
完全に 騙して 連れていこうとしてるよね？
You're just trying to trick her into the place!
完全に ごまかそうとしてるよね？
You're just trying to pull a fast one on her!
つうか この対決 もう魅力対決でも何でもない➡
And this is no longer a charisma showdown.
完全に別の対決に なってるんですけど…》
This is a completely different contest.
Um, excuse me. Please stop.
あの すみません｡ 止めてください｡ えっ？
Please stop the horse.
ちょっと 馬 止めてください｡ もう いいです｡
That's enough.
ちょっと待っ… えっ… ちょっと待って!!
No, wait!
Hold on!
I'll be going home now.
あの 私 もう帰りますから｡ ちょっ… あの…｡
No, uh...
まだ始まったばかりなんで もうちょっと あの… えっ？
We just started!
Wait a little, uh...
Was there something you didn't like?
何か気にくわなかった？ 何か落ち度でもありました？
Did we make some kind of mistake?
ｶﾞﾝﾀﾞｰﾗ･ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙって なんですか？
What's with the Gandara Vehotel?!
完全に いやらしいこと 考えてるじゃないですか｡
You're obviously thinking about something dirty!
剥き出しじゃないですか｡
You're not even trying to hide it!
I-I'm not!
か… 考えてませんよ！ 全然 考えてませんよ｡
I'm not thinking about anything along those lines!
ｶﾞﾝﾀﾞｰﾗ･ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙだから！ ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙだから!!
It's Gandara...
Vehotel! Vehotel!
いや 間 あけてもﾑﾀﾞだよ｡
No, adding a pause doesn't change anything.
私 最初から そういうことしか 考えてない人 嫌いなんだよね｡
I don't like people who think about that stuff right off the bat.
Wait! Wait!
It's wrong! I got the title wrong!
Here we go.
何も変わってねえよ！
[Gandara * Vehotel]
Nothing changed!
[Gandara * Vehotel] [Note: Reference to Japanese musician, Hiro Tsunoda. His name includes a star between "Hiro" and "Tsunoda".]
You just made it all Hiro Tsunoda-like!
つのだ☆ひろ風に なっただけじゃねえか！
No, really. We won't do anything dirty!
We absolutely won't!
We'll just be resting a bit.
Just going off to save the world!
So let's make a little stop and take a little break.
おい ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝ｡ なんか ｴﾝﾄﾗﾝｽ前で➡
Hey, narrator.
You're starting to sound like a pathetic guy
女の子に食い下がる➡
who's begging a girl who changed her mind at the entrance.
哀れな男みたいに なってるよ｡
Just need to go in a little!
Just a little bit!
ややこしい言い方すんな！
Don't make it worse!
Fine, fine.
If you're going to be that way, forget it.
I just wanted to save the world.
You're just making me feel bad.
ｱﾝﾀ… ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝで 普通に しゃべりすぎですよ｡
You're talking too much for a narrator.
Forget it! Do whatever you want!
I didn't think you were so selfish!
You should apologize, chief priest.
謝ったほうがいいよ お師匠さん｡
It can get scary if the Narry gets mad.
ﾅﾚｰさん 怒ったら怖いよ｡
ﾅﾚｰさんって 何だよ!? お父さんみたいに言うな！
Who the hell is Narry?!
Don't make it sound like Daddy!
(ﾀｶﾃｨﾝ)謝りな｡ 私も一緒に謝ってあげるから｡
Just apologize.
I'll apologize with you.
ﾅﾚｰさんに謝りな｡
Let's tell Narry we're sorry.
Why do you sound like the mother?!
なんで お前は お母さん的な立ち位置なんだよ!?
Forget it.
Just leave her alone, guys.
Well, the sun's set already, so we'll just stay at the Gandara Vehotel in Gotanda.
[Note: Gotanda is a neighborhood in Shinagawa, Tokyo which is famous for having a high concentration of love hotels.]
支店あんの!? つうか ここ 五反田なの？
It's a chain?!
And we're in Gotanda?!
うわ～い！ やっと休めるｱﾙ！
Yay!
We can finally rest!
So? What are you going to do?
野宿する…｡
Camp outside.
Do whatever you want.
Don't come crying if you're eaten by a demon.
Let's go, Patsuan.
なんで 歩いてんだ!?
Why are you walking around?!
つうか ｱｲﾂ 完全にｵｯｻﾝだろ！ ｱｲﾂが妖怪だろ!!
Isn't he just an old man?!
Isn't he the demon?!
(笑い声)
(神楽)おいしいね！ 久しぶりのご飯ｱﾙ!!
This is delicious!
I haven't had anything to eat in forever!
(ﾀｶﾃｨﾝ)ｵｰ ｼｯﾄ！ ｲｯﾂ ﾏｲ ﾊﾟﾝ！ がっつきすぎだろ みんな｡
Oh, shit! It's my bread!
You're all so greedy!
別に寂しくなんか…｡ (お腹が鳴る音)
I'm not feeling lonely at all...
ないもん｡
一人だって へっちゃらだもん｡
I'm fine being alone.
Afterwards, we continued on our journey to save the world,
＜ お通:その後も 私たちの世界を 救うための旅は続いたけど➡
私は 相変わらず➡
but I refused to stay in any Gandara Vehotel.
ｶﾞﾝﾀﾞｰﾗ･ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙの支店に 泊まることはなかった｡
野宿にも いつの間にか慣れた｡
I grew accustomed to camping outside.
最初は怖かったけど 運がいいのか➡
It was scary in the beginning,
but I must have been lucky as I was never attacked by demons in my sleep.
私は 寝込みを 妖怪に襲われることはなかった｡
ただ いつも朝 目覚めると➡
But, whenever I woke up,
奇妙な妖怪の足跡が➡
I would see demon footprints in the sand around me.
私を取り囲むように 砂の上に刻まれていた｡
私を恐れているのか それとも 私を狙っているのか…｡
Were they afraid of me?
Or were they after me?
よくはわからないけれど➡
I wasn't entirely sure, but oddly enough, I wasn't scared of the footprints.
不思議と私は その足跡を 怖いとは思わなかった｡
それよりも…｡
I was more focused on how envious I was of the merry sounds coming from the Vehotel.
ときおり ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙから聞こえる 楽しそうな みんなの声が➡
羨ましくて 恨めしくて｡
どうして 私を放っておいて そんなに楽しそうにしているの？
How could they leave me alone to have so much fun?
どうして 私を 誰も呼びにきてくれないの？
Why won't anyone come invite me?
自分から行かないと 言っておきながら➡
Although I was the one who turned them down,
私は そんな 勝手なことを考え 野宿を続けた｡
I continued to think such selfish thoughts as I camped outside.
そんな ある日の夜｡
And then one night,
何かの気配を感じ 眠りから目覚めた私は➡
I was woken up by a strange sensation.
妖怪に取り囲まれていた｡
I had been surrounded by demons.
そう 私は あの足跡の妖怪を ついに見たのだ＞
Yes...
I finally saw the demons the footprints belonged to...
＜妖怪たちは 私を恐れるでもなく➡
The demons weren't afraid of me or after me...
狙っているのでもなく｡
私を護っていた＞
They were protecting me...
I told them to leave you alone, but they wouldn't listen.
＜ ほっとけって言ってるのに 聞きやしねえんだ｡
まったく ﾊﾞｶな連中だろ？＞
They're fools.
Do you think people who do this would be capable of dirty acts?
Why would those who protect your sleeping face want to defile it?
＜ それでも まだそう思ってるなら➡
If you still feel that way, keep on camping outside.
かまわず野宿を続けるがいい｡
Thanks to you, I get to enjoy the Vehotel all by myself.
おかげで ｵﾚも ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙを➡
一人で広々と使えて いい気分だしな＞
＜ お通:そのとき 私は見た｡
That was when I saw...
そう言った ﾅﾚｰさんのお尻には 砂がついていた＞
There was sand on Narry's butt.
The next day,
＜翌日から ｶﾞﾝﾀﾞｰﾗ･ﾌﾞﾎﾃﾙから聞こえる➡
a new voice could be heard among the merry voices
賑やかな声に もうひとつ声が加わった｡
in the Gandara Vehotel.
その笑い声は 他のどの声よりも高らかに➡
That laughing voice was higher than the others and echoed through the desert.
砂漠に響き渡っていたという＞
[ﾏｲｸ]終了！ 寺門通親衛隊 みごとﾁｪｯｸｲﾝ！
The end!
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club managed to check in!
みごとﾁｪｯｸｲﾝしたというのに このさわやかさは何でしょう？
Why do I feel so refreshed after they succeeded in checking in?
さわやかっていうか 明らかに おかしかったよね!?
Refreshed?! Wasn't there something obviously wrong?!
途中から お通ちゃんが ﾅﾚｰｼｮﾝしてたよね！
Otsu-chan became the narrator halfway through!
There's clear evidence that Otsu-chan was in on the planning!
明らかに お通ちゃんも 打ち合わせに参加してる節が➡
ありますよね！ お通ちゃん 通選組と 親衛隊➡
Otsu-chan!
Between the Tsusengumi and the Fan Club, who wins?!
勝者は どちらでしょう？ (近藤)って なんで無視!?
Why am I being ignored?!
そうですね｡
Let's see...
どちらも 甲乙つけがたく すばらしかったのですが｡
Both sides performed wonderfully.
The characters stood out and the setting was fleshed out.
ｷｬﾗに個性があり 世界観構成の完成度が高かった…｡
(お通)寺門通親衛隊の勝利！
The Tsu Terakado Fan Club wins!
[ﾏｲｸ]これで 両ﾁｰﾑ１勝１敗だ！
Now both teams are at one win and one loss!
Hey! That was like judging a manga!
(近藤)おい ﾏﾝｶﾞの審査みたいな 批評だったよ？
魅力は？ これ 魅力勝負じゃなかったのかよ!?
What about the charisma?!
Wasn't this a charisma showdown?!
The contest will be decided with the third and final match!
[ﾏｲｸ]勝敗の行方は ３本目の 最終対決によって決定します｡
(近藤)だから なんで無視～!?
Why am I being ignored?!
[To Be Continued]
The next episode...
"Love Asks for Nothing in Return."
[We finally reach the conclusive final battle in the fight to become Tsu Terakado's official fan club.]
[Shinpachi faces up against Hijikata. The rules of the battle are what?!]
[See you next time.]