♪♪～
[Unofficial Mobile Suit Gundam 30th Anniversary Special]
(松田)隊長殿｡ (難波)何だ？
Commander.
What is it?
(松田)ここが 今回のﾀｰｹﾞｯﾄでありますか？
Will this be our target?
あぁ そうだ｡ しかし このような家に…｡
You've got it.
But how could such a house...
ﾌﾝｯ… ｷｻﾏ 何もわかっとらんな｡ と いいますと？
You have no idea, do you?
Meaning...?
見た目がみすぼらしい家ほど➡
The shabbier a house looks, the more money its owners have stashed away.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
案外ため込んでいるというものよ｡
Is that how it works?
そういうものでしょうか｡
《あ～ 疲れるわ｡ なんでﾗﾝﾊﾞ･ﾗﾙ？
This is such a drag.
Why Ramba Ral?
ｱﾝﾀが なりきるのは勝手だけど ｵﾚにまでやらせんなっつうの！》
You're free to pretend to be someone else,
but don't drag me into it...
不服なのか？ い… いえ｡
Got a problem?
N-No...
ならば作業にかかれ！ ５分で ｶﾀをつけるぞ！ ﾊｯ！
Then get to work!
We'll finish this in five minutes!
Sir!
["You'll Get Sued If All You Do is Copy Others"]
♪♪～
ぐぁっ！ あぁっ！
Ouch...
あ～ ｲﾃﾃﾃﾃ…｡ あれ？ ﾗﾙ様？
Huh? Ral-sama?
つうか 難波さん？ あれ おかしいなぁ｡ ん？
I mean, Nanba-san?
Huh? That's weird...
Nanba-san...
ｷｻﾏ 何のつもりだ！ 戦場をなめているのか!?
What was the meaning of that?!
Don't underestimate the battlefield!
ほんのちょっとだけ ﾋﾞｯｸﾘしちゃっただろ！
You almost gave me a scare for a moment there!
《ｺｲﾂ おびえてやがるぜ》
This guy's shaking in his boots.
[Note: Parody of Jean's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
待て ｸﾗﾝﾌﾟ！
Wait, Clamp!
[Note: Clamp is vice-chief in Ramba Ral's unit in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
は？ 松田ですけど｡
It's Matsuda...
You're being too careless.
うかつだぞ｡ そんなことでは すぐ死ぬことになる｡ はぁ…｡
If you don't shape up, you'll die in no time!
R-Right...
言ってみろ！ は？
Recite them!
Huh?
私の教えた３か条を 言ってみろと言ったのだ！
I'm telling you to recite the three principles I taught you!
す… すみません｡ え～と…｡
F-Forgive me...
Uh...
ひとつ！ 余計なものには手を触れず➡
First!
Avoid contact with unnecessary objects, to leave a minimal trail!
一切の痕跡を残すべからず｡
ふたつ！金目のもの以外には 決して手をつけるべからず｡
Second!
Never touch anything that isn't worth any money!
そして 最後は…｡
And last of all!
決して 己の正体を悟られてはならない｡
You must conceal your identity.
そうだ｡ この３つを守って いたからこそ➡
That's right.
I have been able to survive on this battlefield by following these three principles!
私は この戦場で 今まで戦ってこられた｡
お前も それだけは忘れるな！
Never forget them!
はっ！ 了解しました！
Sir!
Understood!
わかればいい｡ 始めるぞ！
That's good.
Let's begin!
ﾍﾍ… そこだ｡
There we are...
待て ｱｺｰｽ！
Wait, Acous!
[Note: Acous is an officer in Ramba Ral's unit in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
いえ 松田です｡
No, it's Matsuda.
誰か来る｡ 隠れろ！ えぇっ!?
Somebody's coming!
Hide!
(たま)さかたさん！
Sakata-san.
Is the owner back?
家主が戻ってきたのでしょうか？ それは わからん｡
I'm not sure.
But our only option right now is to wait and see.
だが 今は様子をみるしか 方法はなかろう｡
さかたさ～ん！
Sakata-san!
Sakata-san?
さかたさ～ん｡
Useless Sakata-san?
ｱﾎのさかたさ～ん｡
連邦のﾓﾋﾞﾙｽｰﾂは ば… 化け物か!?
Is the Federation mobile suit a m-monster?!
[Note: Famous line by Char Aznable from the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
ﾍﾍﾍ… やってやる｡ ｼｬｱ少佐だって…｡
Bring it on...
Even Lieutenant Commander Char...
[Note: Char Aznable from the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
家賃の取り立てに➡
I've come to collect the rent.
まいりました｡
生体反応４体｡ しかし 銀時様は いないようですね｡
Four life forms detected.
However, it appears that Master Gintoki isn't here.
またまいります｡
I shall return later.
逃げた？ というより➡
She escaped?
Or should I say that she let us escape...
見逃してもらったというべきか｡
っていうか ひどいですね これ｡
And yeah, this is a horrible mess.
がっ!? あの女！
That woman...
どうかしましたか？
Is something wrong?
I'm bothered by what she just said.
さっき 女が言った言葉 気になる｡ は？
Huh?
この部屋に 生体反応が ４つあると言った｡
She said there were four life forms in this room.
１つは… 別にいいとして｡
Assuming that the first is... We can forget it.
The second would be Ral-sama.
２つめは ﾗﾙ様｡ ３つめは 私｡
The third would be myself.
１人多いぞ｡
There's one extra!
(定春)ﾜﾝ！
何なんでしょうか？ これは｡
What is this?
今度こそ 連邦の新兵器でしょうか？
Is this the new Federation weapon?
[Note: Parody of the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
色も白いし｡
Since it's white...
[Note: Gundam is also white.]
犬だ｡ いや 犬だってのは わかりますが➡
It's a dog.
No, I realize that it's a dog, but its size is...
この大きさは…｡
Its size is not important right now!
この際 ｻｲｽﾞは重要ではない！
No, it's pretty important.
いや ありますよね かなり｡
Don't worry.
安心しろ｡ 番犬対策も 用意してあるわ｡ これだ！
I prepared a little something for dealing with watchdogs.
Here it is!
Th-That's...
ｿ ｿｲﾂは!?
ほら ﾜﾝちゃん おいしいｸﾗｯｶｰだ！
Come on, puppy.
It's a yummy cracker.
いいこだから…｡
Now be a good boy...
ﾊｧ ﾊｧ ﾊｧ… ｺｽﾞﾝ 大丈夫か？
Cozun, you okay?
[Note: Cozun is an officer in Ramba Ral's unit in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
松田です｡
It's Matsuda...
And I'm definitely not okay...
さらに言えば 大丈夫でもありません｡
うかつだった｡ この ﾗﾝﾊﾞ･ﾗﾙ➡
I was careless...
I, Ramba Ral, forgot about the battle in the heat of battle...
戦いの中で 戦いを忘れた｡
あの… もう帰りませんか？
Can we go home now?
≪(長谷川)おい 銀さん！
Hey, Gin-san!
銀さん いないのか？
Gin-san, you here?
(難波)新手か？ (松田)気づいてくれるなよ…｡
Reinforcements?!
Please don't notice us...
銀さ～ん？
Gin-san...
(難波)なに!? ｱｲﾂ 人の家の食料を！
What? He's taking somebody else's food!
(ｹﾞｯﾌﾟ)
いやぁ～｡ (難波)ﾊﾞ ﾊﾞｶな！
I-Impossible!
他人の家を 我が家のように 使いこなしているだと!?
He's using someone else's house like it's his own?!
(さっちゃん)うぅ… うぅ…｡
銀さん いないみたいだから 今日のところは 帰るわ｡
Looks like Gin-san isn't here, so I'll leave for today.
信じられるか？ ｽﾃｯﾁ｡ 松田です｡
Can you believe it, Stetch?
[Note: Stetch is a corporal in Ramba Ral's unit in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
It's Matsuda.
あの ﾀﾞﾒさ加減 なかなか 真似できるものではない｡
It would be difficult to imitate his hopelessness.
あの ３か条のうちの ２つも もう破られています｡
Uh, we've already broken two of your three principles.
Let's retreat...
ここは いち時撤退…｡ (桂)ここで何をしている？
What are you doing here?
(難波/松田) あぁっ！ いや 我々は…｡
No, we're...
["'Sup!"]
そうか｡ ときに 銀時はいるか？
I see.
Is Gintoki around by any chance?
いや… 銀時さんは…｡
No, Gintoki-san isn't...
I see.
そうか ならば しかたあるまい｡
Then I have no choice...
We haven't said anything yet!
《松田:何も言って ないんですけど～！》
ときに お前たち｡
Incidentally...
Who are you people?
お前たちは いったい 何者だ？
いえ… その…｡
Uh, well...
待てよ その顔 どこかで見たことがあるぞ｡
Wait, I've seen your faces before.
え～っ!? なんのことだい？ きっと 気のせいだよ｡
What are you talking about?
It must be your imagination.
その声！
That voice...
[Call the police if you see these faces!]
あれ？ ｵﾚの顔 何かついてる？
Hmm? Is there something on my face?
It's just your imagination.
気のせい 気のせい｡
そうか！ わかったぞ！
That's it! I know!
ひぃ～っ！
That voice is definitely...
その声 間違いなく… ｢ﾐｯ…ﾏｳｽ｣！
Mi**** Mouse!
[Note: Parody of "Mickey". Disney strictly enforces copyright laws in Japan as well.]
Or his voice.
の 中の人だな？
And that one is Do**ld.
[Note: Parody of "Donald Duck". Disney strictly enforces copyright laws in Japan as well.]
そして そっちが ｢ﾄﾞﾅﾙ…｣だな？
《ﾂｯｺﾐどころが 多すぎるんですけど！
There are so many things I could say in return!
This is no good, Ral-sama!
ﾀﾞﾒです ﾗﾙ様！ ｵﾚ 時が見えそうです》
I can see time itself!
[Note: Parody of a famous line by Lalah Sune from the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
Ignore him, Zeygan.
[Note: Zeygan is a member in Ramba Ral's unit in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
《相手にするな ｾﾞｲｶﾞﾝ》 《松田です》
It's Matsuda.
《ｺｲﾂは 夢の国の住人だ｡
He's living in a dream land.
We will carry out our mission with our bare hands if we must!
たとえ素手でも 任務はやり遂げてみせろ》
ﾎﾞｸ 桂小太郎｡ よろしくね｡
I'm Kotaro Katsura!
Nice to meetcha!
It's no good.
ﾀﾞﾒです ｺｲﾂもう 決めつけちゃって ますよ 鬼子です｡
He's already got his mind set.
A real screwball.
[Note: Original term "Oniko(demon child)", which is a term used to describe a child who doesn't look like their parents. Also used in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
***key and friends...
｢…ｷｰ｣と ゆかいな仲間たち➡
想像しただけで ゆかいな気持に なってくるではないか｡
Just the thought is lifting my spirits.
What's wrong with this house?
《いったい 何なんだよ この家｡
Only freaks are showing up.
まともなﾔﾂが 一人も出てこねえじゃねえか》
You don't say...
《まさかな… 時代が変わったようだな｡
Times have changed.
もはや 我々の理解を はるかに超えている｡
These people are beyond our comprehension...
手強い しかし…》
A tough bunch...
However...
気に入ったぞ 小僧｡
I like you, kid.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
You're able to speak your mind.
それだけ はっきり ものを言えるとはな｡
なに？ まさか…｡
What? Don't tell me...
Yes, why don't you join us?
あぁ なんなら 我らの仲間にならないか？
それは本当か？
Are you serious?
We happen to be short on hands.
どこも 人手不足だからな｡ かたじけない｡
I am so grateful!
それでは 早速…｡ (銀時)つうか お前ら➡
Then let us...
Yeah, what are you people doing in my house without permission?
人んち 勝手に入り込んで 何してんだよ？
Eek!
はひっ!?
["Welcome home."]
Gintoki, great timing!
銀時 いいところへ戻ってきた｡
実はな…｡ つうか ｿｲﾂら 誰？
Guess what?
And who are those guys?
ｱ～ｯﾊｯﾊｯﾊ！
一本やられたな ﾊﾓﾝ｡ 松田です｡
We've been one-upped, Hamon.
[Note: From "Crowley Hamon", an aide and lover to Ramba Ral in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
It's Matsuda.
いい目をしているな｡
You've got good eyes.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
Uh, people usually tell me that I have the eyes of a dead fish.
いや 死んだ魚の目だって よく言われますけど｡
それに度胸もいい｡ ますます気に入ったよ｡
And you've got guts.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
I really like you.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
いやぁ 意味わからないんですけど｡
Uh, I have no idea what you're talking about now.
《さすがはﾗﾙ様｡
That's Ral-sama for you.
He's changing the subject without actually saying anything so he can confuse us!
有無を言わさず 自分の土俵へ持ち込んで➡
すべてを うやむやにするつもりだ》
Your name's Gintoki, I believe?
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
銀時とか言ったな｡ ﾜｼからもおごらせてもらうよ｡
I'll be imposing.
なら食っていけるだろう｡
I'm sure you can support it.
Gin-san! Those people are burglars!
あぁ～っ！
見事だな｡ しかし 小僧 自分の力で勝ったのではないぞ｡
Well done, boy.
But you didn't win on your own.
[Note: Parody of Ramba Ral's line in the anime series "Mobile Suit Gundam".]
そのｽﾄｰｶｰの おかげだということを…｡
You won thanks to that stalker of yours...
ｸﾞﾌｯ！
Everybody get the hell out!
お前ら全員 とっとと出てけ！
Mi**** *****!
ﾐｯ…｡
え？ 誰が？
Huh? Who?
(時計の針の音)
う～｡
ん…｡
(ｱﾗｰﾑ)
うっせぇ～ ﾊｹﾞｯ！
Shut up, baldie!
ﾊｧ さすがにちょっと 飲みすぎたなこれ｡
I definitely drank too much...
あったま痛え｡
My head's killing me...
Fine. I'll wake up.
わかったよ｡ 起きりゃいいんだろ｡ わかりましたよ｡
I get it.
ふわぁ～｡
I'll take a bath to get the alcohol out of my system.
酔い覚ましに ひとっ風呂 浴びてくっかなっと｡
♪♪(鼻歌)
I feel so much better...
ﾌｩ さっぱりし…｡
Huh?
え？ あれっ？ あれっ？ いや ない｡
Uh, what? What?
No, no way.
いや ないないない｡ ｵﾚ 髪の毛多いほうだから｡
No way at all.
I have more hair than the average person.
くせっ毛だから こういうのとは無縁だから｡
I've got curly hair, so this could never happen.
I have so much hair that I ask the barber to thin it for me.
もともと多いから ﾊﾞｰﾊﾞｰでは すいてもらってるくらいだから➡
気のせいだよな｡ たしか 昨日は 酔っ払ってもめたとき➡
Must be my imagination.
It's possible that I was pulling out my hair when I was drunk last night...
髪の毛引っ張られたような気が しないわけでもない｡
Wha... Wha...
な な…｡
Wha...
なんじゃこりゃ～！
What the hell?!
["You Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone"]
Something's funny here. What's going on here?!
おかしいってこれ なんなんだこれ？
なんだ これ？ 変だよこれ｡ なんなんだよ これこれこれ？
Definitely not right here. What the hell is this here?!
ちょっといったい えぇ？ おい｡ (神楽)これこれうるさいｱﾙ！
Enough with the here hear hair!
Is that some kind of That That scam?
[Note: Parody of "Ore Ore scam". It was well known scam to act like member of family saying "It's me, It's me!(Ore Ore)" to have their parents deposit money in certain bank account.]
これこれ詐欺ｱﾙか？ あぁ 神楽ちゃん｡
Ah, Kagura-chan.
ちょっとこれ これおかしいって｡ これやばいって｡ これこれ…｡
This here is weird. This here is bad!
Here, here, here!
なにがこれｱﾙか？ だから これだって！
What's here?
Right here!
ん？ あれ 神楽ちゃん？ その頭｡
Huh? Kagura-chan?
Your head...
なんのことｱﾙか？ いや だから 髪が…｡
What are you talking about?
I mean, your hair...
便所の紙でも切れたあるか？
I know, I'm standing right here.
えぇ？ なにそれ？ その団子そんな設定だったの？
What the hell?!
Those buns were hiding such a horrific secret?!
この前 朝起きたら取れてたｱﾙ｡
They fell off the other morning.
今やﾜﾝﾀｯﾁで脱着可能ｱﾙ｡
Now, I can just clip them on.
いや そうじゃなくて それ あれだよね？
No, that's not what I meant...
That must be from your dad.
お父さんの影響であれっていうか あれだよね あれあれ｡
You know, that patch that.
Now you've switched to the that dat that.
[Note: Parody of "Ore Ore scam".]
今度は あれあれｱﾙか｡ あれあれ詐欺ｱﾙか？
Is that a different scam?
違うから｡ 今 遺伝の話してるから｡
No, I'm talking about your genes.
Shouldn't that there have something to do with your dad there?
お父さんのあれ それと 関係あるんじゃねえの？ それと｡
Good grief.
やれやれ｡ 今度はそれｱﾙか｡ それそれ詐欺ｱﾙか｡
Now you've switched to the that there bare.
The that there scam?
そうやって手口を変えたって おばちゃん もう騙されないよ｡
You can't fool this old lady by changing a few words around!
だから 詐欺とかそういう話じゃ ねえって言ってんだろ！
This isn't a scam!
そうやって息子のふりしたって➡
Keep pretending to be my son.
お母さんには わかってるんだからね｡
But this mother knows the truth!
You damn imposter!
このﾆｾﾓﾉ！ 正体を見せなさい！
Reveal your true identity!
やめて｡ 今やばいんだって｡ ﾏｼﾞやめて！
Stop it!
Now is the wrong time! Seriously! Stop!
(新八)おはようございます｡
Good morning.
Shinpachi! Perfect timing!
新八 いいところに来た｡ どうしたんですか こんな朝から？
What's going on at such an early hour?
いや 大変なんだよ｡ ｵﾚと神楽の髪がさ｡ ｲﾃﾃ…｡
Yeah, there's a big problem.
Me and Kagura's hair...
Ow...
なんですか？ ﾄｲﾚの紙でも切らしたんですか？
What's that?
You and Kagura-chan are here.
That's not what I mean!
だからそうじゃねえよ｡ 毛が抜けてんだよ｡ 毛が！
I'm losing my hair!
ｹｶﾞ？ 誰かｹｶﾞでもしたんですか？
What?
You're losing your hearing?
いやぁ ある意味 大ｹｶﾞで 重症かもしれないけどね｡
Yeah, somebody's definitely losing their hearing...
今度はｹｶﾞ人のふりｱﾙか！
You're pretending to lose your hearing now?!
治療費を騙し取るつもりｱﾙな！ ｺﾝﾆｬﾛ ﾃﾒｴ いいかげんにしろよ！
You're going to scam medical expenses from us!
Goddamn it!
Cut it out already!
脅したってお母さん 絶対振り込まないよ！
You can threaten me all you want! This mom won't send any money!
とにかく ２人とも落ち着いてください｡
Just calm down, you two.
今 お茶でもいれますから｡
I'll go make some tea.
あ… あの… 新八君｡
Uh, Shinpachi-kun?
はい？
Yes?
どうしたんですか？ 銀さん｡
What's wrong, Gin-san?
ﾌﾝ…｡
何？ 神楽ちゃん｡
What, Kagura-chan?
Wha...?!
あぁ～っ！ な… な…｡
Wha... Wha...
What the hell?!
なんじゃこりゃ～っ!!
と まぁ そういうわけで➡
And there you have it.
万事屋緊急対策会議を開きま～す｡
So we're holding an emergency Odd Jobs meeting.
この現状を打開する 何か いい方法がある人は➡
If anyone knows of a good solution to deal with the current situation, please speak up.
どしどし発言してください｡
はい！ はい 新八君｡
Yes!
Okay, Shinpachi-kun.
こんなの絶対おかしいですよ｡ みんなが そろってﾊｹﾞるなんて…｡
Something's wrong here!
How could we all go bald together...
きっと何か理由があるはずです｡
There must be a reason for this?
はい そこ！ そういう 直接的な言葉で表現しない｡
Yes, you.
Don't use any words that directly refer to the condition.
ことは ﾃﾞﾘｹｰﾄな問題をはらんでいます｡
This is a delicate issue.
もう少しｵﾌﾞﾗｰﾄに包んで ものを言うように｡
Try to be more subtle.
じゃあ これには何か理由があります｡
Okay...
There must a reason for this.
まずは その原因をたどって…｡
We should start by looking for the cause...
Yep, denied.
は～い 却下です｡ どうしてですか!?
Why?
んなこと あとからでも 考えられるだろうが！
We can figure that out later.
今 早急にしなければ ならないことは ただひと～つ！
There is one thing we must do right now!
この厳しい防衛ﾗｲﾝを いかに守り かつ押し戻すかが重要だ｡
Defend the final line of defense at all costs while pushing back, inch by inch!
Ooh! Ooh!
はいは～い！ 銀ちゃん だったら私に任せるｱﾙよ！
Gin-chan! Leave it to me!
ｱﾊﾊﾊﾊﾊ！
人のこと笑ってる場合!? お前も 鏡 見てみたら？
Is this the time to be laughing at other people?!
Didn't you look in the mirror?!
ﾂﾉが折れた ﾊﾞｯﾌｧﾛｰﾏﾝみたくなってるよ！
You look like Buffaloman without the horns!
[Note: One of the characters from Kinnikuman (Ultimate Muscle)]
そういう銀ちゃんだって 残念なｱﾄﾗﾝﾃｨｽになってるｱﾙ！
And you look like a half-assed Atlantis!
[Note: One of the characters from Kinnikuman (Ultimate Muscle)]
That's fine!
いいじゃん！ ﾛﾋﾞﾝﾏｽｸより強いんだぞ ｱﾄﾗﾝﾃｨｽ！
Atlantis is way stronger than Robin Mask!
[Note: One of the characters from Kinnikuman (Ultimate Muscle)]
ﾌﾝ！ ﾊﾞｯﾌｧﾛｰﾏﾝ以外の悪魔超人なんて➡
[Note: Akuma Choujin are a group of characters from Kinnikuman (Ultimate Muscle)]
Buffaloman is the only Akuma Choujin that isn't a side character!
ただの おまけｱﾙ！
Hey, should you really be saying that?
ｵﾒｴ そういうこと 言っていいわけ？
そういうこと言ってると ぽんぽん投げちゃうよ？
If you keep it up, I'm going to launch these pom-poms!
このﾀﾞﾝｺﾞ 不忍池に 放り投げちゃいますよ？
[Note: Shinobazu Pond is a pond located in Ueno Park in Tokyo.]
Launch these buns into Shinobazu Pond.
あぁ～ やめろや！
Stop that!
２人して足引っ張り合って どうすんですか!?
Why are the two of you fighting amongst yourselves?!
ってか関係ねえだろ 悪魔超人！
And leave the Akuma Choujin out of this!
みんなで打開策を 探すんじゃなかったんですか？
Weren't we going to work together to find a solution?!
なんだよ ﾏﾀﾞﾗｰ｡
What's that, Patchy?
Do you have a good idea, Patchy?
だったら何かいい方法でも あるのかよ？ ﾏﾀﾞﾗｰ｡
そのﾏﾀﾞﾗｰって言い方 やめてくんない？
Stop calling me Patchy!
It hurts my feelings!
結構 傷つくから！
何ｱﾙか？ これ｡
What's this?
お前のお父さんも きっと やっかいになっていた➡
One of the great tools of our civilization that your father probably used as well.
文明の利器だ｡ 育毛ﾌﾞﾗｼだよ｡
A scalp massage brush.
これで頭皮に刺激を与えて 発毛を促すんだ｡
It stimulates the scalp to increase hair growth.
小さなことからｺﾂｺﾂと｡ まずは実践あるのみだ！
We'll slowly tap our hair back.
Let's give it a go.
(３人)せ～の！
Ready and...
(３人)ｺﾂｺﾂ ﾊｹﾞてるじゃねえか!!
We're tapping our hair away!
つうか 何これ!? 叩いた振動で 新たに抜けてんじゃん！
What the hell is this?!
The impact from each tap is making more hair fall out!
これじゃ育毛じゃないよね？ 育ててないよね これ!?
This isn't stimulation!
This isn't hair growth!
まずいですよ｡ このままじゃ…｡
This is bad.
At this rate...
♪♪～
なんて ことに…｡
[Pause]
We'll end up like this...
これは ｢ｼﾞｬﾝﾌﾟ｣ｱﾆﾒの 主人公としては➡
Isn't that bad for the main character of a JUMP anime series?
まずくないですか？ 完全に脇役の髪型ね｡
Your hair makes you look like a side character.
このままじゃ 全員 近いうちに ｸﾘﾘﾝ状態ｱﾙ｡
We're all going to end up like Krillin soon enough!
[Note: Bald headed character from Dragon Ball.]
ｼﾙｴｯﾄでｷｬﾗの見分けがつかない ｱﾆﾒに 未来はないよ｡
There's no future for an anime where you can't distinguish between characters by their silhouettes.
いや ある意味 斬新かもしれないぞ｡
No, it might be considered original.
全員 同じ髪型のｱﾆﾒ｡
An anime where everybody has the same hairstyle.
いや 全員ｸﾘﾘﾝは どう考えても なしでしょ！
No, you can't have a show where everybody's Krillin.
なんだよ その上から目線｡
You might want to get off your high horse there.
ｸﾘﾘﾝみたいなﾎﾟｼﾞｼｮﾝのくせに このｳｽﾗﾏﾀﾞﾗｰ｡
Considering how you're in the Krillin position, thinning Patchy!
ｸﾘﾘﾝ いいじゃない！ 気円斬だって出せるし！
What's wrong with Krillin?!
He can use the Destructo Disk!
[Note: Krillin's technique.]
Vegeta was so worried that he yelled at Nappa to get out of the way!
[Note: Vegeta and Nappa are both characters from Dragon Ball.]
ﾍﾞｼﾞｰﾀだって ｢よけろﾅｯﾊﾟ!!｣って あせってたし！
まぁ落ち着けよ ﾏﾀﾞﾘﾝ｡
Calm down, Madallin.
[Note: Madara (Patchy)+ Krillin]
What's with that half-assed name?!
なに その中途半端な名前!?
その半端なところが新八ｱﾙよ｡ あ!?
That's why it's perfect for Shinpachi.
新八が どうなろうが問題ないが➡
You're really... You're really hurting my feelings...
It doesn't matter if this happens to Shinpachi, but,
主役の銀さんが ｸﾘﾘﾝじゃ まずいだろ｡
you wouldn't want Krillin as Gin-san, the lead.
おい神楽 何か考えろ｡
Hey, Kagura.
Think of something.
う～ん…｡
もう いいんじゃないですか!?
Just forget it!
いっそ みんな ﾊｹﾞればいいんですよ！
Let's all go bald together!
そうすれば 髪型だって 自由自在じゃないですか！
You'll be free to choose your own hairstyle then!
どういう意味ｱﾙか？ 決まってますよ…｡
What do you mean?
That should be obvious.
かぶっちゃえばいいんです｡
You just have to wear it.
♪♪～
こんな感じ？ いや…｡
[Pause]
Like this?
Uh, there are so many issues I could point out...
つっこみどころは 多々あるんですけど➡
But yeah, something like that.
まぁ そんな感じで｡ (神楽)じゃあ私も！
Me too, then!
♪♪～
["Katsura" (also means "Wig")]
ﾋｬｯﾎｰｲ！ ﾒﾁｬ かわいいｱﾙ｡
Woo-hoo!
[Pause]
I look so cute!
いや ｱﾝﾀら ｷｬﾗとしてのｱｲﾃﾞﾝﾃｨﾃｨｰとか➡
Uh, you people aren't even taking your characters into consideration, are you?
何も考えてないよね！ うっさいｱﾙ｡
Zip it.
♪♪～
ん？ えっ？
Huh?
ちょっと待て～！ なんでﾎﾞｸだけ➡
[Pause]
Hold on!
Why am I the only one stuck with that Ultimate Muscle crap?!
さっきの 『ｷﾝ肉ﾏﾝ』ﾈﾀ 引っ張ってんの!?
甘い 甘いぞ｡
Weak. Too weak.
ﾂﾞﾗってえのは そんな お手軽なもんじゃねえんだよ｡
Wigs don't come that cheap.
え？
Huh?
It costs over 500,000 yen to get one custom-made,
ｵｰﾀﾞｰﾒｲﾄﾞなら 50万は くだらねえうえに➡
こまめに ﾒﾝﾃﾅﾝｽも必要だ｡
and requires constant maintenance.
And there are examples like O****-san, Kimi****, and Pan*** whose wigs can be spotted a mile away.
[Note: Tomoaki Ogura (Announcer) and Kimimaro Ayanokoji (Comedian) and Pancha Ito(Baseball commentator).]
｢おぐ… さん｣とか ｢きみ…｣とか ｢ﾊﾟﾝ…｣とか➡
かぶっても ﾊｹﾞもろﾊﾞﾚという例もある｡
ﾏｼﾞでか？ ﾊｰﾄﾞﾙ高いｱﾙな｡
Really?
That's setting the bar high.
ちょっと！ とりあえず 今 この髪型をなんとかしようよ！
Wait!
We have to do something about this hair now!
このまま伸ばして 渦巻き状にして 固めるとかすれば➡
If we let it grow in a spiral like this for three years...
あと３年は…｡ あぁもう みみっちいｱﾙな｡
You're so greedy.
残り少ない毛 ちまちま ちまちま 多く見せてるんじゃないよ｡
Don't get so worked up about showing off what little hair you have left.
おばちゃん そういう 女の腐ったみたいなの大嫌いだよ｡
This granny hates rotten people like you!
子供は黙って ｽﾎﾟｰﾂ刈りにしとけばいいの！
Kids should shut up and get a buzz cut!
まずは お前からじゃ ﾏﾀﾞﾗｯｸｽ！
You go first, Madaluxe!
[Note: Patchy + Luxe(hair styling line)]
落ち着け 神楽！ お願いだから やめて～！
Calm down, Kagura!
Please stop!
ﾏﾀﾞﾗでも ないよりﾏｼだから！
Patchy is better than nothing at all!
少なくなるほど いとおしくなるもんだから！
The less you have, the more precious it feels!
だったら 銀ちゃんから やってやるよ～！
Then I'll start with Gin-chan!
Don't mess with me!
ﾃﾒｴ ざけんなよ！
You just broke through my final line of defense!
ｵﾚの大事な防衛ﾗｲﾝを いびつに後退させやがって！
お前も ﾏﾀﾞﾗｰにしてやらぁ！ やれるもんならやってみろ！
I'll turn you into a patchy too!
Do it if you can!
ﾋﾛｲﾝに そんなことすれば 放送打ち切りは避けられないｱﾙ！
If you do that to the heroine,
the show will have to be canceled!
誰がﾋﾛｲﾝだ 誰が！
Who are you calling the heroine?!
I'll turn you into a mascot like Sento-kun!
[Note: Sento-kun is mascot character of a special event in Nara, Japan in 2010.]
いっそのこと せんとくんみたいな ﾏｽｺｯﾄにしてやらぁ！
お前は 頭に ｶﾚｰでものせとけ こんちくしょう！ もらった！
You can cover your head with curry!
[Note: Curry Cook, one of the characters from Kinnikuman, has curry on his head.]
Gotcha!
本日は どのような髪型に なさいますか？ お客さん｡
What kind of hair would you like today, miss?
Hey! Guys! Stop it!
ちょ… ２人ともやめてくださ…｡
(２人)うるさいんだよ ﾏﾀﾞﾘﾝ！ なぜ そこで ﾊﾓるんですか!?
Zip it, Madallin!
Why was that line in unison?!
(２人)お前も道連れじゃ～！ うわ～！
We're taking you with us!
ｷﾞｬ～ｯ!!
(お登勢)そのくらいにしときな｡
Enough of that.
あ… ばばあ！
Granny.
まったく こんなこったろうと思ってたよ｡
Honestly...
I knew this would happen.
たま｡ はい｡
Tama.
Yes.
(草野) それでは 現場からのﾘﾎﾟｰﾄです｡
We have a report from the scene.
現場の結野ｱﾅ 結野ｱﾅ！
Ana Ketsuno! Ana Ketsuno!
(結野)はい 現場の結野です｡ ここ かぶき町で蔓延していた➡
Yes, this is Ketsuno reporting live from the scene.
The sudden outbreak of hair loss in the Kabuki District has been resolved.
突然 毛髪が抜け落ちてしまう という怪現象は➡
収束へと向かっています｡
原因は 菜未屁胃星の 天人が持ち込んだ➡
The cause was a virus brought by an Amanto from Planet Namihei.
[Note: Namihei is a character from Sazae-san. He only has one hair on his head.]
病原菌であることが 判明いたしました｡
病原菌の特定に 成功した幕府は➡
The Bakufu is distributing a special cure after identifying the virus.
特効薬の 配布を開始しました｡
銀さん！ よし！ 今すぐ病院へ！
Gin-san!
Okay! Let's go to the hospital!
As you can see, an extremely long line has formed for the cure.
ご覧のように 現在➡
薬を求めて たいへんな 行列ができております｡
しかし 幕府の用意した特効薬は➡
However, the Bakufu has announced that their supply will soon run out,
まもなく底をつくとの 発表があり➡
すべての患者に行き渡るのは およそ３か月後との見通しです｡
and they will need three months to produce enough for everybody infected.
銀さん どうしましょう！
Gin-san! What do we do?!
Three months with this head...
３か月も この頭ってことは…｡
やっぱ こんな画ﾂﾞﾗに…｡
Means we'll see this.
ﾋﾛｲﾝ不在のﾀﾞﾒｱﾆﾒに格下げｱﾙな｡
This show will turn into a crappy anime without a heroine.
あんたたち…｡
Hey.
(ｷｬｻﾘﾝ)これが目に入らぬか～！
Can't you see this?!
[Heal (parody of RPGs)]
おい そりゃ まさか…｡
Oh? Could it be?
知り合いの医者に頼んで ちょいとね…｡
I asked a doctor I happen to know.
お前ら これが欲しかったら まず 土下座しな｡
If you want this, get down on your knees.
でもって 私のことを これから…｡ おい！
And from now on, you better call me Catherine-sama...
Hey.
それさえ飲めば 治るんだな？
I'll be cured if I drink that, right?
ﾆｬｯ!? (３人)そのﾋﾞﾝ よこせ～！
Meow!
Hand it over!
ｷﾞｬ～ｯ!!
あっ！
定春！ ちょっ 待て おまっ…｡
Sadaharu!
Wait! Hold on! You...
(３人)ﾉ～ｯ!!
["Let's Employ 'Candy or the Whip'"]
Interrogation?
I like it.
Really brings out my sadistic side.
[Prisoner #3-2034, Kohei Tanaka]
[A murderous monster, who will never confess to his crimes, is being interrogated by Shinsengumi members.]
[See you next time.]