The first thing to do when you wake up in the morning
＜神楽:まず 朝起きて 最初にしなければいけないのが➡
is to look for toy store ads that come with the newspaper during the holiday season.
ｸﾘｽﾏｽ時期 新聞とともに届けられた➡
おもちゃ屋のﾁﾗｼ探しだ｡
Then you study it while standing next to your old man when he reads the paper in the morning.
これを 新聞を読む親父の横で これみよがしに毎朝じっと見る｡
このとき 間違っても ｢これ ほしいｱﾙ｣などと➡
You must not make any direct references such as saying "I want this."
直接的交渉にうつってはいけない｡
ほしいものも家計を気にして 言い出せない➡
Show that you're thoughtful enough to refrain from asking for presents because of money concerns.
健気さを演出するのだ｡
ため息ぐらいが効果的だ｡
A sigh can prove effective.
親父は 大概 素知らぬ顔をしているが➡
You old man may pretend he doesn't notice,
必ず目には入っている｡ 焦らず これを毎朝続けること｡
but I guarantee he does.
Be patient and continue this routine every morning.
そのうち 朝起きると おもちゃ屋のﾁﾗｼだけ➡
And then one morning, you wake up to find
that your old man has pulled out the toy store ad for you.
親父によって取りわけられている 日がやってくる｡
こうなったら 勝利は目前だ｡
This means that victory is within your grasp.
"Price dropped on the TS."
｢ＴＳ安くなったｱﾙな…｣ などと さりげにｱﾋﾟｰﾙ｡
Casual little pushes like that.
Be wary of your pronunciation.
この際 注意するのは 発音をしっかりすること｡
Your old man is unfamiliar with foreign words.
親父は横文字に弱い｡ しっかりとした滑舌で➡
Enunciate each and every word.
ゆっくり 独り言を言うように心がけよう｡
Then you just wait for Christmas morning...
あとは ｸﾘｽﾏｽの朝を待てば…＞
["I put together your favorite ads. Merry Christmas. - Gin"]
(神楽)ﾒﾘｰｸﾘｽﾏｽ…｡
...Merry Christmas.
[Merry Christmas!! Never mind that it's March, Merry Christmas!!]
Hey, where's the usual "This show is brought to you by" segment?
[Kagura had no luck with Santa last year. How will her Christmas turn out this year?]
(銀時)あれ？ いつもの ｢この番組は…｣➡
ってやつが 始まらねえけど…｡
Don't tell me the sponsors are no longer...
もしかして ｽﾎﾟﾝｻｰ… ん？
[You know, we ended up with some extra runtime. Sorry, Gin-san, but can you handle the rest?]
Huh? Hold on a second!!
って待てぇ～!! どんな ﾑﾁｬぶり!?
What sort of stunt are we trying to pull off here?! Screw you, bastards!!
ふざけんなよ！ ｵﾚ１人 声だけで何しろってんだ｡
The hell am I supposed to do with my voice only?!
[We're not screwing around. (lol)]
[You can do it, Gin-san!! (lol)]
つうか あとどんだけ 尺あまってんだ これ！
And why is there so much runtime left here anyway?!
(神楽)｢拝啓 お父さん｡
Dear Dad.
How is your hair doing?
頭の毛は元気にしていますか？
今頃 宇宙のどのへんで ﾊｹﾞちらかっているのでしょう？
I wonder what part of the universe you're shedding hair right about now?
私は相変わらず 地球でﾌｻﾌｻです｡
I'm on Earth with a full head of hair as always.
今 地球は ｸﾘｽﾏｽというお祭りの直前で➡
There's an Earth holiday called Christmas coming up,
みんな一様に うかれて暮らしております｡
and everybody is excited.
というのも ｸﾘｽﾏｽには黒酢三太 なる真っ赤なじいさんが➡
Because there's a legend that Santa Kurosu, a red old geezer,
comes to give presents to the children.
子供たちに ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄを配る という言い伝えがあるからで➡
毎年 この季節になると みんな➡
This time of year, everybody
｢今年は 三太さんに あれ お願いするんだ｣などと➡
gets excited about what they should ask Santa for.
楽しそうにしています｡
But that old Santa fella has never visited me.
でも私のところには 一度も➡
三太のじじいは 来たことがありません｡
I asked for a present last year, but Santa never showed up.
去年も ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄお願いしたけれど 結局 三太は来ませんでした｡
See the beginning of this episode for further details.
詳しくは ｱﾊﾞﾝを見返してください｡
Dad, does old man Santa hate me?
お父さん ｻﾝﾀのｼﾞｼﾞｲは 私のことが嫌いなのでしょうか｡
Or does Santa not even exist?
それとも 三太なんて 端からいないんでしょうか｣｡
何だか 遠い星で 苦労してるようじゃな 娘さん｡
It seems that your daughter's having a hard time on a distant planet.
ｶﾞｷってのはな どんなに かわいがっても➡
Kids end up leaving you after twenty years or so, no matter how much you care for them.
20年やそこらで ﾃﾒｴの手もとから 離れていっちまう｡
だが その20年の記憶が その後のｶﾞｷを支える➡
But the memories from those twenty years
will help support those kids for the rest of their life.
一生ﾓﾝの思い出になるんだ｡
ｶﾞｷの頃の思い出は➡
In other words, childhood memories can never be replaced.
何物にも代えがたい っちゅうこっちゃな｡
やれることがあるなら➡
If there's something you need to do, go ahead and do it, Umi Bouzu-san.
迷わずやってやんな 星海坊主さんよ｡
手紙なんかよこしてくれるのも 今のうちだぜ｡
She won't keep sending you letters forever.
Old timer, send this to the branch on Earth.
(星海坊主)じいさん｡ ｺｲﾂを地球の 協会支部へ送っといてくれや｡
行ってやんのかい？ 娘さんのところに…｡
You aren't going to see your daughter?
亀田星と内藤星で また戦が起きたらしい｡
War's broken out between planet Kameda and planet Naito again.
金平星から救援の要請が入った｡
Planet Kanehira's asked for assistance.
そうかい… しかたねえな｡
I see.
Guess you don't have a choice.
ｱﾝﾀも その三太とやら以上に 忙しいんだからな｡
Since you're even busier than this Santa fella.
死ぬんじゃねえぞ｡
Don't die out there.
なんや？
What the...?
Dear Kagura-chan.
(星海坊主)｢拝啓 神楽ちゃん｡
手紙 読みました｡ 相変わらず ﾌｻﾌｻそうでなによりです｡
I read your letter.
I'm glad that you still have a full head of hair.
Your father also has a full head of hair, as always.
お父さんも 相変わらず ﾌｻﾌｻで変わりありません｡
久しぶりに 神楽ちゃんの顔が 見たいのは ﾔﾏﾔﾏなんですが➡
I would love to go see you as it's been so long,
お父さんは 仕事に忙しくて 地球に行けそうもありません｡
but I'm busy with work, so I can't go to Earth.
ごめんなさい｡
I'm sorry.
せめて 神楽ちゃんが 地球の友人たちと➡
I pray from far away in space that you have
楽しくｸﾘｽﾏｽを過ごせることを➡
a merry Christmas with your Earth friends.
お父さんは 遠い空から祈っております｡
寂しいことなんてありませんよ｡
There's no need to be sad.
I won't be able to go see you,
お父さんは ｷﾐに 会いに行くことはできませんが➡
いい子にしていれば➡
but if you're a good girl, I'm sure that he'll come visit you.
神楽ちゃんのもとにも きっと 彼は現れる｡
Thank you very much.
大きな袋に ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄをたくさん携え➡
With a large bag full of presents...
Clad in red clothing...
真っ赤な衣装に身を包んだ彼…｡
三太さんが…｣｡
Santa will come...
(一同)ｷｬｰ!!
[Santa Claus Red is Blood Red]
(新八)ﾒﾘｰｸﾘｽﾏｽ！
Merry Christmas!
And here's to another year gone by!
そして １年間 お疲れさまでした！
い… いやあ｡ 鍋を囲んで ｺﾀﾂでｸﾘｽﾏｽっていうのも➡
Boy, there's a real sense of refinement about
風情があって なかなかですね 姉上｡
sitting around a kotatsu with a hot pot on Christmas.
Right, Sis?
(お妙)ごめんなさいね｡ ｸﾘｽﾏｽっぽくなくて｡
Sorry if this doesn't feel very Christmasy.
忘年会も兼ねてるって 聞いたんで｡
I heard that this would also be an end-of-the-year party.
いや 全然ですよ｡ いちいち ｸﾘｽﾏｽと忘年会➡
No, I'm fine with this.
It's too much effort to hold a Christmas party
別々にやんの 面倒くさいですもんね｡
and end-of-year party separately, right?
お金がないとか そういう問題じゃなく➡
It's not because we have no money! It'd just be a drag!
まどろっこしいですもんね！
A blend of eastern and western cultures.
(長谷川)和洋折衷だな｡ この節操のなさが➡
The informal atmosphere is very Japanese.
日本らしくていいんだよ｡ そ そうですよね！
You got that right!
それに 心配しなくても ｸﾘｽﾏｽっぽいもんなら➡
And you don't need to worry.
I brought something Christmasy with me.
ｵﾚが 用意してきたぜ｡
Here, a special order cake.
(長谷川)ほら 特注で作らせたｹｰｷ｡
すごいじゃないですか 長谷川さん！
Wow! That's amazing, Hasegawa-san!
ちょっと小さいけど…｡
Though it's kind of small...
で でも とってもおいしそうですね｡
But it looks very delicious!
量より質だな｡
Quality over quantity.
The lovable look is very Japanese.
このいじらしさが 日本らしくていいんだよ｡
そ そうですよね｡
You got that right!
食べ過ぎたら 気持悪くなるし➡
You'll just feel sick if you eat too much.
This is the perfect size.
このくらいで ちょうどいいですよね｡
Then let's cut it up.
じゃあ 早速 切り分けましょうか｡
(お妙)ほら 神楽ちゃんには ﾁｮｺのところあげるわね｡
Here, Kagura-chan. You get the part with chocolate.
い いいな～ 神楽ちゃん｡ ず ずりいよ｡
Lucky you, Kagura-chan!
Boy, that's no fair!
神楽ちゃんばっかり ずりいよ｡
No fair that Kagura-chan gets everything!
(お妙)もう ｹﾝｶしないの｡
Stop fighting now.
ほら 鍋よそってあげるから お皿 貸して｡
Here, I'll start serving food so pass me your plates.
あ はい｡ (お妙)新ちゃんは 何食べたい？
Oh, yes!
What would you like, Shin-chan?
え？ 何が入ってるんですか？
Oh, what's in the hot pot?
(お妙)ﾏﾛﾐｰちゃんとﾏﾛﾐｰ君と ﾏﾛﾐｰさんよ｡
There's Malomy-girl, Malomy-boy, and Mr. Malomy.
[Note: Spoof on a brand of Japanese starch noodles.]
Doesn't that mean there's only Malomy...?
(長谷川)いや それって ﾏﾛﾐｰしか入って…｡
Then I'll go with Malomy-boy!
じゃあﾎﾞｸ ﾏﾛﾐｰ君で！ やっぱﾎﾞｸ 男の子だし！
After all, I'm a boy!
(お妙)も～ たまには女の子とも 接点持たなきゃﾀﾞﾒよ｡
Come on, you need to interact with girls for a change.
いつになったら 彼女 連れてきてくれるの？
When are you ever going find yourself a girlfriend?
ﾊﾊﾊﾊ…！ ｺｲﾂは１本とられた！ ｱﾊﾊﾊﾊ！
You got me there!
Man, wow...
いや～ やっぱ ｸﾘｽﾏｽって楽しいですね！
Christmas is so much fun!
It's too bad Gin-san couldn't join us.
銀さんも来ればよかったのに｡
ﾎﾝﾄ 何やってんだろ あの人｡
Seriously, what's he doing?
また どこぞで 飲み歩いてるんでしょ｡
He's probably walking around drinking.
ほっときなさい あんな ﾁｬﾗﾝﾎﾟﾗﾝのことは｡
Just ignore that scoundrel.
You're right!
そうですね 今日は 銀さんの悪口でも肴に➡
Let's have fun talking about Gin-san behind his back!
楽しくやりましょう！
《なんとか ｸﾘｽﾏｽとやらには 間に合ったようだな｡
It appears that I'm in time for that Christmas event.
しかし なんと 貧相なﾊﾟｰﾃｨなんだ｡
But what a meager party...
これが 本当に ｸﾘｽﾏｽというやつなのか？
Is this truly Christmas?
神楽ちゃん ﾃﾝｼｮﾝ ﾀﾞﾀﾞ下がりじゃねえか！
Kagura-chan is completely bummed out.
待っていろ 神楽ちゃん｡ 今 お父さんが行くからな｡
Hold on, Kagura-chan.
Daddy's coming.
貧乏くせえ夜を お父さんがたちまち➡
Daddy will transform this destitute night into a lovely Christmas Eve.
華やかなｲﾌﾞに変えてやる｡
驚くだろうな 神楽のﾔﾂ｡
Kagura will be so surprised when she sees me here in Edo.
まさか ｵﾚが江戸に来ているとは 夢にも思うまい｡
ん？ あ｡ いかんいかん｡
Oh wait, that can't do.
今回に限っては ｵﾚは最後まで 三太とやらに徹しなければ｡
I must play through this Santa character for tonight.
ｱｲﾂは今 三太の存在が 信じられなくなるほどに➡
She's been discouraged by the reality that Santa does not exist.
現実に打ちのめされている｡
子供に夢を与えるのは 親の義務だ！
A parent has the duty to help a child dream.
親として会えんのは 少し寂しいが➡
It's sad that I cannot visit her as a parent,
ｱｲﾂのいい思い出になるなら…》
but if it means I can help make this a fond memory...
Huh?
あれ？ ちょっと庭に 誰かいませんか？
Is someone in the yard?
Oh? What?
え？ なあに？ ｲﾔだ 泥棒？
Oh no, is it a thief?
They've noticed!
《気取られたか！ よしいくぞ》
Here I go!
ﾒﾘｰｸﾘｽﾏｽ！
Merry Christmas!
ﾊｯﾊｯﾊ… よい子のみんな お待たせ！
Have you all been good little boys and girls?
Santa Claus is here to make you happy!
三太がﾊｯﾋﾟｰを届けに来たよ｡
《ﾌﾌﾌ 神楽ちゃんめ ﾋﾞｯｸﾘしているな｡
Kagura-chan's completely surprised.
そうさ 三太はﾎﾝﾄにいたんだぞ｡
Yep, Santa Claus really exists.
Your personal Santa is right here...
お前だけの三太が今ここに！
あれ？ なんか異様に ﾋﾞｯｸﾘしているな｡
Huh? She's a little too surprised.
Shouldn't she act a bit more happy?
もうちょっと 嬉しそうにしてくれても…｡
Huh? What?
え？ なに ちょっと…｡
Did daddy do something wrong?
お父さん 何かおかしかった？ 鼻毛 出てた？ え？》
Is there hair sticking out my nose?
Huh?
あぁ！
It's... It's Santa!
《２人:ｻﾝﾀさんだ！》
There are two Santas!
ｻﾝﾀが２人いるｱﾙ 何ｱﾙか お前ら！
Who are you people?!
《ど どういうことだ!? なぜ三太が もう１人…》
What's going on?
Why is there another Santa here?
Who is this guy?
《だ 誰だ ｺｲﾂ｡
Why is there another Santa besides Gin-Santa?
何で この銀ｻﾝﾀ以外にも ｻﾝﾀがいやがる｡
ﾔﾂらに ちょっとした ﾄﾞｯｷﾘしかけてやろうと寒空の下➡
I've been waiting here the entire evening in this freezing weather to surprise them...
夕方からｽﾀﾝﾊﾞｲしてたのに！
Why?
なんで？ なんでこんなことに!?》
Why did this happen?!
《よりにもよって こんなﾀｲﾐﾝｸﾞに どうしてくれんだ｡
The worst possible timing...
What do I do?
喜ばすところが ﾄﾞﾝ引きじゃねえか》
She's scared now, not happy.
There could never be two Santas!
ｻﾝﾀが２人いるなんて とんだｳｿっぱちｱﾙ！
どっちかが偽者ｱﾙ！
One must be fake!
ｻﾝﾀの格好で民家に忍び入って➡
A thief who disguised himself as Santa to rob the houses of innocent people!
泥棒はたらくつもりだったに 違いないね！
奉行所 突き出すｱﾙ！
I'm turning you over to the cops!
Nononono, you've got it totally wrong!
《いや… 違う！ お父さん ｷﾐに夢を届けに来た➡
It's daddy!
Santa-Daddy whose come to help you dream!
お父さん三太だよ！》
Hey! They're treating me like a fake because of this guy!
《おい！ ｺｲﾂのせいで 完全に 偽者扱いじゃねえか！
あれ？ ちょっと待てよ》
Wait, hold on sec...
《よくよく考えたら…》
On second thought...
[FAKE]
(２人)《ｵﾚ 偽者だ》
I am a fake.
《ﾏｽﾞいな 奉行所 突き出される 前に正体 明かしたほうが｡
This is bad...
Maybe I should reveal myself before they turn me over to the cops...
No, but my goal is to help Kagura dream...
いや でも神楽に 夢を届けるという目的が…》
おい 何 固まってんだよ！ 何とか言えよ｡
Hey, why are you standing there?
Say something!
《ここまで 手の込んだことやっといて➡
It'd be embarrassing to tell them the truth after all the trouble I've gone through.
このｸﾞﾀﾞｸﾞﾀﾞ状態での ﾈﾀﾊﾞﾗｼは恥ずかしい｡
だって何もなしえてないもの｡
Because I haven't accomplished anything!
Haven't accomplished a single thing!
何一つ なしえてないもの！》
あの すみません おたく どちら様ですか？ え？
Uh, excuse me.
Who might you be?
Huh?
《ｺｲﾂに引き下がらせよう｡
I'll force him to back down.
１人になれば 何とか立場も保てるはず》
I should be able to maintain the act once I'm alone.
いや 別に 泥棒とか疑ってるんじゃなくて➡
Well, it's not that I think you're a thief or anything.
え… どこかのﾎﾞﾗﾝﾃｨｱ団体に 所属している方とかで？
Uh, do you belong to some kind of volunteer organization?
Er, what?
いや え？ そちらこそ どちら様で｡
Who are you?
Do you belong to some neighborhood children's association?
町内会の子供会の方とかですか？
Not at all. I happen to be, well...
いやいや ｵﾚは あの見たとおり➡
Santa, as you can see.
まぁ こういう感じで三太？➡
やらせてもらってる もんなんですけど｡
No, you can stop acting now.
いや この期に及んで ｷｬﾗ守らなくて結構ですよ｡
つけﾋｹﾞでしょう それ｡
That beard is obviously fake.
Well, I don't particularly care about you copying me.
あの ﾊﾟｸﾘとか別にｵﾚはそんなに 気にしてないんですけど➡
But I would prefer you don't half-ass the job.
あんまり 生半可な気持でｵﾚのﾏﾈ事➡
やんないでほしいっていうかね｡
You'll get yourself hurt if you underestimate Santa.
あんまｻﾝﾀなめてっと ﾏｼﾞ ｹｶﾞしますよ｡
Please...
いやいや ﾊﾊﾊ 冗談ｷﾂいなぁ｡
That's a harsh joke.
You're the one who's copying me.
ﾊﾟｸってるのは そっちでしょう｡
Why isn't this guy backing down?
《なんだ ｺｲﾂ 全然 引き下がらねえ》
まぁ ﾊﾟｸﾘに気づいてない人 っていうのもいるからね｡
Well, some people don't realize they're copying others.
Just like how everyone casually uses the manga system developed by Osamu Tezuka.
手塚治虫が 切り開いた漫画表現を➡
みんな 当たり前のように 使用しているようにね｡
This old guy is digging in.
《妙に食いついてきやがるな このｵｯｻﾝ》
《なんなんだ ｺｲﾂ なんで こんなに➡
What's with this guy?
Why does he refuse to back down?
かたくなに引かねえんだ 偽者のくせに》
He's just a fake.
Say.
ｷﾐ ﾛｯｸとか聴く？ 今 世にはびこるﾛｯｸは➡
Do you listen to rock?
They say that every current rock and roll band was born from the Beatles.
すべてﾋﾞｰﾄﾙｽﾞの子供と 呼ばれているんだ｡
Meaning, you more or less spawned from me.
まぁ ｷﾐもｵﾚからしたら 子供みたいなものだ｡
え？ おたくｻﾝﾀのくせに ﾋﾞｰﾄﾙｽﾞなんて聴いてんですか？
What? You're Santa and you listen to the Beatles?!
Huh? What? I can't?
え？ なに？ ﾀﾞﾒなの？ じゃあ ｷﾐ 何聴いてるの？
What do you listen to then?
ｻﾝﾀっていったら ｴﾝﾔっしょ やっぱ｡
Santa's supposed to listen to Enya, man.
ﾋｰﾘﾝｸﾞ系っていうか｡
That new age stuff.
Could you cut this out, old timer?!
《いいかげんにしろ ｵｯｻﾝ！
I know you're a fake! So scram!
どうせﾃﾒｴも偽者だろ さっさと帰れよ！》
Oh, yes. Enya, you say.
はいはい あぁ ｴﾝﾔね ｵﾚも聴いてる｡
I've heard that Enya la-la-la...
あのｴﾝﾔｰ ｺｰﾗﾔ…｡
That's Ikariya, not Enya.
[Note: The late Chosuke Ikariya, Japanese musician and comedian.]
それｴﾝﾔじゃなくて いかりや｡ 《おかしい｡
Odd, this man has no shame...
この男の このどこまでも ふてぶてしい態度は》
Well, there's also the obvious Tatsuro.
[Note: Singer-songwriter Tatsuro Yamashita.]
まぁ あとはﾍﾞﾀだけど達郎？ 古いよね！
He's ancient.
今は もう 奥さんの まりやの時代だよね～！
Now, it's about his wife, Mariya.
[Note: Mariya Takeuchi. Song was used for Holiday commercials.]
ﾌﾗｲﾄﾞﾁｷﾝの！ 達郎と和正だけは➡
Who sings the fried chicken thing.
Tatsuro and Kazumasa are classics in every era.
[Note: Kazumasa Oda, another veteran singer-songwriter.]
いつ いかなる時代に聴いても 名曲なんだよ！
《このｵｯｻﾝ… 攻めても攻めても➡
This old man hasn't flinched at all!
まったく 焦りを見せやがらねえ！》
《この自信は…➡
That confidence... Could he be...
まさか ｺｲﾂ！》
《ひょっとして ｺｲﾂ！》
Don't tell me this guy is...
(２人)《本物の ｻﾝﾀさんなんじゃねえのか!?》
The real Santa Claus?!
《そういや ｺｲﾂ➡
On closer look, this guy may have a unkempt appearance,
よくよく見ると ﾀﾞﾗﾀﾞﾗしているように見えて➡
身のこなし たたずまいに 一本の芯がある｡
but he carries himself with a certain grace.
Like a master of the sword.
まるで 剣豪のような気位を感じる｡
真っ白なﾋｹﾞをたくわえた じじいだというのに➡
He's an old man with a beard of white, yet he's brimming with vitality.
なんだ この あふれんばかりの生気は!?
肌なんて まるで 二十代の それだ…｡
He has the skin of a man in his twenties.
ｺｲﾂ… ﾎﾝﾄに 人間なのか!?》
Is he even human?
《以前に一度 ｻﾝﾀを名のる じじいに会ったことはあるが➡
I once met a man who called himself Santa.
あんなもんは 覇気のｶｹﾗもねえ ただの じじいだった！
He was just an old man with no ambition.
だが ｺｲﾂは違う！
But this guy's completely different.
確かに ｻﾝﾀのｼﾝﾎﾞﾙたる 白ﾋｹﾞこそ生やしてねえが➡
He doesn't have a white beard, the symbol of Santa,
あの ﾁｮﾋﾞﾋｹﾞ 似せる気も まったくねえ➡
but that short mustache,
that short mustache he doesn't even try to hide, actually looks more realistic.
あの ﾁｮﾋﾞﾋｹﾞがなんか… 逆に ﾘｱﾙに見えてくる…｡
Maybe Santa's supposed to just have a short mustache?
意外にｻﾝﾀって ﾁｮﾋﾞﾋｹﾞくらいなんじゃね？
みたいな！
Like the letdown when you see Lord Frieza's final form.
ﾌﾘｰｻﾞ様 最終形態を見たときのような➡
あの裏切り感！ 本物って 実は意外と➡
Like how the real deal's are actually quite simple-looking.
あっさりしてんだよね｡ みたいな！》
《いや… でも… そんな…》
No, but that can't...
《ﾏ… ﾏｼﾞでか！》
For real?
(２人)《ｵ… ｵﾚ… とんでもねえ所で➡
This is the worst possible place to run into the real Santa.
本物のｻﾝﾀさんと はち合わせしちまった～！》
なにやってんのかしら？
What are they doing?
２人とも 黙って にらみ合ったまんま➡
They've been staring at each other in silence and haven't budged an inch.
動かなくなりましたよ｡
《ど… どうすんだ？ おい！
What am I supposed to do?
Should I apologize?
謝ったほうがいいのか？ これ｡ 怒ってんのか？ あれ…》
Is he like, mad?
It's too late to apologize now.
《い… 今さら謝るなんて できるわけねえ…｡
It'd be absolutely disgraceful.
赤っ恥も いいとこだぞ！》
This is like a comedian doing a parody of the song "Ofukuro-san"
[Note: Performed by the singer Shinichi Mori.]
《ﾉﾘﾉﾘで おふくろさんの ものまねしてたら➡
いつのまにか後ろに ご本人 登場してた➡
when the singer himself shows up behind you.
ものまね四天王 みてえなもんだよ！》
I won't have it!
《ｲﾔだ ｵﾚは！ そんな醜態 絶対 ｱｲﾂらの前でさらせねえ！》
I can't disgrace myself while they're watching!
《じゃあ どうすればいいんだ!?
Then what am I supposed to do?
What is the fake "Ofukuro-san" supposed to do, Kings of Comedy?!
ｵﾚたち 偽者の おふくろさんは いったい どうすればいいんだ!?
なぁ 四天王よ～！》 《やってくれましたね顔で➡
As he walks up behind me and goes, "Nice try, kid,"
後ろから 肩組んできた おふくろさんに➡
どう返せば ｵﾚたちは➡
how am I supposed to not embarrass myself, Kings of Comedy?!
赤っ恥をかかずに済むんだ 四天王!!》
Tell me, Kings of Comedy!
(２人)《教えてくれ～ 四天王!!》
Take out Ofukuro-san
(２人)《おふくろさんを倒して➡
and become the real deal!
ｵﾚが おふくろさんになれば いいんだ～!!》
Wait!
ちょっと～!! なにやってんですか～!!
What are you guys doing?!
ｱﾝﾀら 仮にもｻﾝﾀでしょ!? 子供の前で なにやってんの!!
Aren't you two supposed to be Santa?!
The hell are you doing in front of the children?!
ｸﾞﾊｯ！
Santa... You really are good...
《ｻ… ｻﾝﾀさん… やっぱ ﾊﾝﾊﾟねえ！
とても ｸﾘｽﾏｽだけ働いてる 肥満老人とは思えねえ！》
I find it hard to believe that you're a slacking senior who only works on Christmas!
《ｸｯ！ じじいの分際で➡
This old man was able to land a blow on me...
この星海坊主に 一発 入れるたあ これが 本物のｻﾝﾀの力か!?
Is this the power of the real Santa?
だが 本物も偽者も もう関係ねえ！》
But it no longer matters who the real one is!
Santa!
《ｻﾝﾀは… この…》
Is!
(２人)《ｵﾚだ～!!》
Me!
やめろ～!!
Stop!
(九兵衛)そのへんにしておけ！
Enough of this.
仮にも ｻﾝﾀの名を名のる者が➡
It would be rude for one who claims to be Santa
聖夜に血を流すなど 不届き千万！
to shed blood on this holy night.
ｻﾝﾀの名を汚す賊は 即刻 ここから出ていけ！
If you insist on sullying Santa's name, leave at once.
ここは このﾎﾞｸ 九太ｸﾛｰｽの縄張りだ！
This turf belongs to me, Kyuta Claus!
We got another Santa here!
なんか また ｻﾝﾀ出てきた～!!
But this Santa isn't even concealing her identity.
(お妙)ｻﾝﾀっていうか 丸出しよね｡
It's Kyu-chan. That's Kyu-chan, right?
九ちゃんよね？ あれ 九ちゃんよね？
九ちゃんではない｡ 九太ｸﾛｰｽだ！
I am not Kyu-chan.
I am Kyuta Claus.
美しき姫よ｡
Beautiful princess, please accept my present.
ﾎﾞｸからの贈り物を 受け取ってほしい！
姫の大好きなﾊﾞｰｹﾞﾝﾀﾞｯｼｭ一年分…｡
A year's supply of your favorite Baagen-Dash...
What?!
な… なに!? ≪ﾀﾞ～ ﾊｯﾊｯﾊｯﾊｯ！
(近藤)勝手なﾏﾈをされちゃ困るな｡ 九太ｸﾛｰｽ!!
Can't let you have fun without me, Kyuta Claus!
This is not your turf!
ここは ｷｻﾏの縄張りなどではな～い!!
この猿太ｸﾛｰｽのﾏｰｷﾝｸﾞした ｼﾞｬﾝｸﾞﾙだ！
I, Monkey Claus, have marked this jungle!
このｼﾞｬﾝｸﾞﾙのﾒｽ猿に 勝手に手を出すことは➡
I won't allow you to lay a finger on the female ape who lives here!
このｵﾚが許さん！
誰が ﾒｽ猿だ！ お妙さ～ん！
Who are you calling a female ape?!
Otae-san!
ｵﾚと新たな逢瀬を重ねる夜は➡
I am willing to meet you every night,
たとえ真夏とて 聖夜となりま～す！
whether midsummer night or holy night!
If you so desire, I will be the Santa
あなたが求めるなら 365日 いつだって ｵﾚは➡
who brings you happiness 365 days a year!
幸せを届けるｻﾝﾀになります！
今夜は きっと聖夜だけじゃ終わらない！
This won't be a simple holy night!
そう！ 今宵こそは ２人結ばれる 聖性夜に…｡
Yes!
We will be joined together on this hole-in night!
Um, excuse me.
(さっちゃん) あのぅ… すいません｡
銀さん ここに来てるかしら？ 捜してるけど見つからないの｡
Is Gin-san here?
I can't seem to find him anywhere.
I want to give him a present. Where might he have gone?
ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄ渡したいんだけど… どこ行ったのかしら？
もはや ｻﾝﾀでも何でもねえ～っ!!
There's nothing Santa about it anymore!!
うぅ… 次から次へとｻﾝﾀが！
One Santa after another!
もう どれが 本物か偽者か わからないｱﾙ！
I can no longer tell who's real or fake!
いや 半分以上 ただのｽﾄｰｶｰだよね｡
Actually, over half of them are just stalkers.
ただの変態だよね｡
Just a bunch of perverts.
They all insist that they're Santa.
みんな あくまで 自分がｻﾝﾀだって言い張るｱﾙな｡
下… 全裸だから 結構 寒い…｡
I'm not wearing anything inside, so it's pretty cold...
あぁ～っ!!
当然だ｡ 本物のｻﾝﾀは このｵﾚだ！
Of course.
I am the real Santa.
譲るつもりはない｡
I have no intention of relinquishing this title.
I am the Santa who will make Otae-chan happy.
ﾎﾞｸこそが お妙ちゃんに 幸せを届けるｻﾝﾀ｡ いや 九太だ｡
I mean, Kyuta.
ｵﾚだ！ ｵﾚこそが お妙さんに 幸せを届けられたいｻﾝﾀだ！
It's me! I'm the Santa who wants Otae-san to make me happy.
いや もうそれ 姉上がｻﾝﾀですよね｡
That would make Sis the Santa.
この世に ｻﾝﾀは １人しかいらねえ｡
This world only needs one Santa...
I got it!
わかったｱﾙ！ それじゃあ 誰がいったい 本物のｻﾝﾀなのか➡
Then I'll represent the children of this world and decide who the real Santa is!
子供代表の この私が決めてやるね！
ｻﾝﾀｸﾛｰｽ決定戦の始まりｱﾙ!!
A contest to determine who is Santa Claus!
いや １人たりとも ｻﾝﾀに ふさわしい人なんていないよね｡
I don't think anyone of them are fit to be Santa.
The very first very merry contest to determine who the real Santa Claus is!
いや 何 仕切ってんの？ 神楽ちゃん｡
Why are you taking the lead here, Kagura-chan?
(神楽)いいですか～ ｻﾝﾀの皆さん｡
Listen up, Santas!
I'm going to give you the Santa test!
これより皆さんに ｻﾝﾀ検定を受けてもらいます｡
ｻﾝﾀであれば楽勝の この検定を 見事 乗り切り➡
If you are able to pass this test that would be simple for Santa,
我こそｻﾝﾀと証明した者に➡
I will name you as the real Santa for proving yourself!
本物のｻﾝﾀの称号を 与えたいと思います！
神楽ちゃん 何？ ｻﾝﾀ検定って…｡
Kagura-chan, what is this Santa test?
決まってるね｡ ｻﾝﾀといったら やっぱり 子供たちに➡
That should be obvious.
Santa's purpose is to give presents to little kids.
ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄを配ることが すべてｱﾙ｡
いかに 子供たちの願いを読み取り➡
To read the wishes of all the children
いかに ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄで その願いを叶えるか｡
and grant those wishes by delivering presents.
そう ｻﾝﾀの仕事は 子供たちに夢を与えることね！
Yes, Santa's job is to help children dream.
いや こんなところで並ばされて➡
When they're lined up here to be judged by one of those kids,
子供に ｲﾁｬﾓﾝつけられてる時点で 夢もｸｿも幻の如くなりだよね｡
there's isn't anything to dream about, is there?
I'm going to pretend to be a girl
今から 私が あらゆるｼﾁｭｴｰｼｮﾝの ｸﾘｽﾏｽを過ごす少女を演じるｱﾙ｡
who's going through various different Christmas situations.
お前らは その少女の夢を叶えれば ｵｯｹｰね！
You just have to grant that girl's wishes.
その出来を判定するｱﾙ｡
You'll be judged on your performance.
おい ちょっと待て！ ｵﾚは別に➡
Wait, hold on!
I didn't come here to give presents to the china dress girl.
ﾁｬｲﾅさんに ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄを 届けにきたわけじゃないぞ！
うむ｡ 神楽殿には悪いが➡
Yes, my apologies to Miss Kagura, but I only want to be Otae-chan's Santa.
ﾎﾞｸは 妙ちゃんのｻﾝﾀになれれば もうそれでいい｡
That's right. Don't try to butt-in, little girl.
そうよ｡ ｶﾞｷが しゃしゃり出て きてんじゃないわよ｡
銀さんを 早く出しなさい！
Now bring out Gin-san.
My present is fresh.
私のﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄは 生ものなの｡ 腐る前に届けなきゃいけないの｡
I must deliver it before it rots.
もう腐ってんだよ この納豆ｻﾝﾀが～っ!!
It's already rotten, you Natto Santa!
How can you call yourself Santa when you refuse to help a child dream?
子供に夢も与えられないで 何が ｻﾝﾀｱﾙか！
いいか お前らｻﾝﾀは 基本 子供に夢をという➡
Listen up.
Don't forget that if the whole Santa helps children to dream story doesn't fly,
建て前がなければ ただの不法侵入者の➡
you're a bunch of trespassing old pedophiles.
ﾛﾘｺﾝじじいだということを 忘れるな｡
とんでもねえこと言ったよ｡ ﾌﾟﾚｾﾞﾝﾄどころか➡
That's crazy talk!
Forget about presents! The Feds are going to come calling!
告訴状 届けられるよ！
本物のｻﾝﾀと 証明できないというのなら➡
If you can't prove you're the real Santa,
警察という ﾄﾅｶｲに引きずられ➡
You'll be led away by the reindeer (a.k.a. the police)
ﾊﾟﾄｶｰという ｿﾘで 帰ってもらうだけｱﾙ｡
in a sled (a.k.a. a patrol car).
汚いﾏﾈを！
That's a low blow...
Aren't you the police?
つ～か ｷﾐが警察だろ｡
If you don't believe you're up the task, feel free to leave.
自信のねえﾔﾂらは 帰ればいい｡
何の問題もねえよ｡
I see no problem with this test.
(２人)だって ｵﾚが➡
Because I am...
本物のｻﾝﾀさんなんだから｡
the real Santa!
《他の連中はいい｡ 問題は やはり ﾔﾂだ》
The others don't matter.
This guy here is the problem.
I can no longer turn back.
《ここまできたら もう引き下がれねえ｡
本物のｻﾝﾀを ぶっ倒して…》
I'll defeat the real Santa...
《ｵﾚが…》 《ｵﾚが！》
And I'm...
I'm...
(２人)ｷﾝｸﾞｻﾝﾀになる！
gonna be king of the Santas!
[To Be Continued]
[Preview]
Wait!
Gonna be king of the Santas? It's March!
We're still doing these Christmas episodes?
Don't be so anal.
Keep talking like that and Santa won't visit your home this year.
Really?
And so, the next episode...
"Everybody's a Santa!"
[Next week is filled with everything from American, Classic Tales, to School Drama.]
[Who will fulfill the dream of a girl played by Kagura, and become the real Santa?!]
[See you next time.]
♬『ゼッコーチョー！』
♬～