The smooth and charming Barack Obama from parts unknown was the perfect agent of ''change'' when he arrived on the scene in 2008. With a blinding smile, armed with a fine-tuned folksy vernacular (modified on command), the freshman Senator and community organizer didn't spend his early years under the careful mentorship of Bill Ayers, Louis Farrakhan and Jeremiah Wright for nothing. He's a man on a mission from a lower power.
He's sacrificed much to be where he is today, having had to endure the muck of middle America, having to allow racist jackals like Hillary Clinton infiltrate his Cabinet to appease the blob. Yet if all goes according to plan, it'll have been worth it. Be it by hook or by crook, Obama will strive to tear down this country and rebuild, brick-by-brick. But if that course may alter, his arrogance will refuse defeat, even if it means a little ''compromise'' here and there. So long as he wins in the end, it'll have been for the greater good.
Despite a close challenge from Mitt Romney, you have secured a second term for your presidency.
You’ll continue to spearhead the economic recovery in your second term, and hopefully ensure a smooth transition for the Affordable Care Act. As for foreign policy, you'll continue to maintain American hegemony abroad and keep the rising threats of extremist groups at bay. If all the above happens, you will leave a strong legacy to your successor.
\", \"electoral_loss_message\": \"Considering the fervor behind your ascension to power, it seems like you were unable to sustain it long enough to get re-elected.
Expect Mitt Romney to axe the Affordable Care Act and remodel the economic policies of the federal government. Hopefully Hillary, or maybe your vice president even, will present a strong challenge to him in 2016. As for you, you are still popular within your party, so your political career isn’t necessarily over.
\", \"no_electoral_majority_message\": \"No candidate achieved a majority of the electoral votes, marking the first time this has happened since 1824. Unfortunately for you, the majority of U.S. states have Republican controlled congressional delegations, and they will cast their votes accordingly.
Given the incredibly close nature of the election, you could possibly forge a comeback in 2016, if you don't face any unexpected opposition, that is.
\", \"description_as_running_mate\": \"''\", \"candidate_score\": 1.0}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.candidate\", \"pk\": 81, \"fields\": {\"first_name\": \"Joe\", \"last_name\": \"Biden\", \"election\": 9, \"party\": \"Democratic\", \"state\": \"Delaware\", \"priority\": 5, \"description\": \"''\", \"color_hex\": \"#FF0000\", \"secondary_color_hex\": \"#FFA0A0\", \"is_active\": 0, \"image_url\": \"https://i.imgur.com/12oVFIS.jpeg\", \"electoral_victory_message\": \"''\", \"electoral_loss_message\": \"''\", \"no_electoral_majority_message\": \"''\", \"description_as_running_mate\": \"A man past his prime, older than the most senile and dementia-addled Watergate baby, Joe Biden may have had several facial and follicle remodels over the years but he's hardly changed. Just as it was when he first entered public office, Biden is as out of his element as ever, harboring the same barely candescent ticker occupying his head and inclination to grope and molest women (among others). Everyone knows he's only here because the people demanded a more experienced, whiter presence to make the ticket of the radical headliner more palatable.
If certain individuals in the administration have it their way, and if Scranton Joe (circa 1953) doesn't mind his business, he just might suffer the humiliating spectale of a premature sacking. But Joe knows his time is running out, and if he doesn't make his voice heard now, he might never get the opportunity again.
You were able to defeat George Bush and win back the Presidency.
You will repeal Bush’s tax cuts in order to reduce the deficit, and to pay for a new expansive healthcare policy. Perhaps you can also push for more progressive policies on gay marriage and abortion. As for foreign policy, hopefully you can withdraw from Iraq and restore foreign faith in the United States. Given no unexpected disasters, you will probably be able to win reelection in 2008.
\", \"electoral_loss_message\": \"Despite your efforts, it seems like you just weren’t up to the task of defeating Bush.
Bush will continue the war in Iraq no matter how controversial it becomes, and will continue to alienate American allies with his War on Terror. There are murmurs within the party of you running again in 2008, but who knows what will happen in the next few years.
\", \"no_electoral_majority_message\": \"No candidate achieved a majority of the electoral votes, for the first time since 1824. Unfortunately for you, a majority of states have Republican controlled congressional delegations.
Considering how close this election was, Bush will definitely be expected to govern in a more bipartisan manner.
\", \"description_as_running_mate\": \"''\", \"candidate_score\": 1.0}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.candidate\", \"pk\": 79, \"fields\": {\"first_name\": \"The\", \"last_name\": \"Greens\", \"election\": 9, \"party\": \"Independent\", \"state\": \"Connecticut\", \"priority\": 3, \"description\": \"Ralph Nader enters the 2000 election as the Green candidate after years as an activist and consumer advocate.
After eight years of Bill Clinton, it is clear that the United States needs a true liberal alternative -- one that will fight for fair trade, universal health care, free college, and campaign finance reform. Nader's primary goal in this election is to win 5% of the popular vote, which will qualify the Green Party for federal matching funds in 2004.
\", \"color_hex\": \"#4EAF41\", \"secondary_color_hex\": \"#A1FFA1\", \"is_active\": 0, \"image_url\": \"/static/images/ralph-nader-2000.jpg\", \"electoral_victory_message\": \"This was definitely not supposed to happen. Good luck!
\", \"electoral_loss_message\": \"The legacy of this campaign depends on a couple of factors. First of all, did you receive 5% of the popular vote? If so, congratulations! You will enable the Green Party to run a vigorous campaign in 2004 and present a true choice to the American people. Also, the Democrats were a little peeved that you \\\"stole\\\" votes from them in this election. Hopefully that doesn't lead to a backlash.
\", \"no_electoral_majority_message\": \"Did you receive 5% of the popular vote? If so, congratulations! You will enable the Green Party to run a vigorous campaign in 2004 and present a true choice to the American people. Also, the Democrats were a little peeved that you \\\"stole\\\" votes from them in this election. Hopefully that doesn't lead to a backlash, especially since they will lose the vote in the House.
\", \"description_as_running_mate\": \"''\", \"candidate_score\": 1.0}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.candidate\", \"pk\": 80, \"fields\": {\"first_name\": \"The\", \"last_name\": \"Libertarians\", \"election\": 9, \"party\": \"Libertarian/Other\", \"state\": \"Indiana\", \"priority\": 4, \"description\": \"''\", \"color_hex\": \"#D3AF41\", \"secondary_color_hex\": \"#FFFFC0\", \"is_active\": 0, \"image_url\": \"''\", \"electoral_victory_message\": \"''\", \"electoral_loss_message\": \"''\", \"no_electoral_majority_message\": \"''\", \"description_as_running_mate\": \"''\", \"candidate_score\": 1.0}}]"); campaignTrail_temp.running_mate_json = JSON.parse("[{\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 106, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 155, \"running_mate\": 164}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 76, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 116, \"running_mate\": 120}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 67, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 94, \"running_mate\": 104}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 74, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 107, \"running_mate\": 114}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 66, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 93, \"running_mate\": 103}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 81, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 118, \"running_mate\": 125}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 7, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 18, \"running_mate\": 38}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 8, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 19, \"running_mate\": 39}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 82, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 119, \"running_mate\": 126}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 116, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 168, \"running_mate\": 178}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 161, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 203, \"running_mate\": 215}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 57, 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\"fields\": {\"candidate\": 67, \"running_mate\": 71}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 62, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 92, \"running_mate\": 99}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 71, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 106, \"running_mate\": 111}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 18, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 36, \"running_mate\": 18}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 45, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 68, \"running_mate\": 72}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 98, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 152, \"running_mate\": 156}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 13, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 29, \"running_mate\": 27}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 12, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 27, \"running_mate\": 29}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 58, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 91, \"running_mate\": 95}}, {\"model\": 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\"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 151, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 200, \"running_mate\": 205}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 86, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 68, \"running_mate\": 130}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 78, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 117, \"running_mate\": 122}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 61, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 91, \"running_mate\": 98}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 84, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 67, \"running_mate\": 128}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 43, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 25, \"running_mate\": 64}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 42, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 25, \"running_mate\": 63}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 40, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 24, \"running_mate\": 61}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 39, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 24, 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\"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 88, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 131, \"running_mate\": 136}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 70, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 105, \"running_mate\": 110}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 2, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 16, \"running_mate\": 34}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 35, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 23, \"running_mate\": 56}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 64, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 92, \"running_mate\": 101}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 36, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 23, \"running_mate\": 57}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 5, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 17, \"running_mate\": 33}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 6, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 17, \"running_mate\": 37}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 23, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 20, \"running_mate\": 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{\"candidate\": 106, \"running_mate\": 115}}, {\"model\": \"campaign_trail.running_mate\", \"pk\": 65, \"fields\": {\"candidate\": 92, \"running_mate\": 102}}]"); campaignTrail_temp.opponents_default_json = JSON.parse("[{\"election\": 20, \"candidates\": [201, 202, 203, 200]},{\"election\": 16, \"candidates\": [167, 168, 166, 165]},{\"election\": 3, \"candidates\": [19, 18, 17, 16]},{\"election\": 9, \"candidates\": [77, 78, 79, 80]},{\"election\": 15, \"candidates\": [154, 155, 152, 153]},{\"election\": 10, \"candidates\": [93, 94, 91, 92]},{\"election\": 4, \"candidates\": [25, 24, 23]},{\"election\": 11, \"candidates\": [107, 105, 106]},{\"election\": 12, \"candidates\": [116, 118, 119, 117]},{\"election\": 14, \"candidates\": [143, 145, 144, 142]},{\"election\": 5, \"candidates\": [22, 20, 21]},{\"election\": 8, \"candidates\": [69, 70, 67, 68]},{\"election\": 13, \"candidates\": [133, 134, 132, 131]}]"); campaignTrail_temp.opponents_weighted_json = JSON.parse("[{\"election\": 20, \"candidates\": [201, 200, 202, 203]},{\"election\": 16, \"candidates\": [165, 166, 167, 168]},{\"election\": 3, \"candidates\": [16, 17, 18, 19]},{\"election\": 9, \"candidates\": [78, 77, 79, 80]},{\"election\": 15, \"candidates\": [153, 152, 154, 155]},{\"election\": 10, \"candidates\": [91, 92, 93]},{\"election\": 4, \"candidates\": [24, 25]},{\"election\": 11, \"candidates\": [105, 106, 107]},{\"election\": 12, \"candidates\": [116, 117, 118, 119]},{\"election\": 14, \"candidates\": [142, 143, 144, 145]},{\"election\": 5, \"candidates\": [21, 20, 22]},{\"election\": 8, \"candidates\": [68, 67, 69, 70]},{\"election\": 13, \"candidates\": [131, 134, 132, 133]}]"); campaignTrail_temp.temp_election_list = [{"id": 9, "year": 2012, "is_premium": 0, "display_year": "2012 - Obamanation"}]; campaignTrail_temp.credits = ""; campaignTrail_temp.modBoxTheme = { "header_color": "#0045AC", "header_text_color": "#FBFBFB", "description_text_color": "#000000", "description_background_color": "#FBFBFB", "main_color": "#31CECE", "secondary_color": "#0045AC", "ui_text_color": "#FFFFFF" } credits = function() { credits = ["Lead/Coding: Accurate_Feature9970", "Coding Help: Jet", "Writing: Murraythedog, Accurate_Feature9970", "Ending Writing Help: Thatchmaster, TheBigCheese87, DysonEngineer", "Feedback & Other Help: Massachusetts4Stockdale, DysonEngineer, Thatchmaster, Ettingermentum, velvet", "Computer Addon: Datoggy"] text = "CREDITS:\n\n" for (i in credits) { text += credits[i] + "\n" } alert(text) } campaignTrail_temp.show_premium = true; campaignTrail_temp.premier_ab_test_version = -1; e = campaignTrail_temp document.head.innerHTML += `` document.head.innerHTML += `` let contentBox = document.getElementsByClassName("content_box")[0]; let contentSingle = document.getElementsByClassName("content_single")[0]; let containerRef = document.getElementsByClassName("container")[0]; function createBanner(url, sibling, isLeft) { let div = document.createElement("DIV"); let img = 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Don't know what you got until it's gone."},
{searchString: "Reverend Wright", explanationText: "
One of your ex-mentors, persona non grata in Washington."},
{searchString: "Wright", explanationText: " One of your ex-mentors, persona non grata in Washington."},
{searchString: "Tom Daschle", explanationText: "
Former Democratic Senate Majority Leader from South Dakota. Product of a bygone era."},
{searchString: "Daschle", explanationText: " Former Democratic Senate Majority Leader from South Dakota. Product of a bygone era."},
{searchString: "Donna Shalala", explanationText: "
Castro devotee."},
{searchString: "John Kitzhaber", explanationText: "
He wears blue jeans, so he's just like you and me."},
{searchString: "Jennifer Granholm", explanationText: "
Distinguished Dating Game alumni, along with Paul Reubens, Steve Martin and Rodney Alcala."},
{searchString: "Kathleen Sebelius", explanationText: "
Doomed to irrelevancy and alternate history fiction."},
{searchString: "Nancy Pelosi", explanationText: "
Facebook Status: Hammered."},
{searchString: "Pelosi", explanationText: " Facebook Status: Hammered."},
{searchString: "Harry Reid", explanationText: "
The Democratic Senate Majority Leader, confident this country is ready to embrace a “light-skinned” African-American “with no Negro dialect” such as yourself."},
{searchString: "Reid", explanationText: " The Democratic Senate Majority Leader, confident this country is ready to embrace a “light-skinned” African-American “with no Negro dialect” such as yourself."},
{searchString: "Gibbs", explanationText: "
White House Press Secretary."},
{searchString: "Hillary's husband", explanationText: "
Serial predator and your Secretary of State's “beard.” Previously the first Black president."},
{searchString: "blob", explanationText: "
As Rhodes calls it, a conglomerate of supposedly nefarious forces who seek further involvement in the Middle East. Many of them currently residing in your Cabinet."},
{searchString: "Rhodes", explanationText: "
Speechwriter and advisor on national security. One of the idealistic liberals in your administration."},
{searchString: "Bill", explanationText: "
That little devil on your shoulder."},
{searchString: "Ayers", explanationText: " That little devil on your shoulder."},
{searchString: "Farrakhan", explanationText: "
Shadow spiritual advisor."},
{searchString: "David Axelrod", explanationText: "
Storyteller."},
{searchString: "Axelrod", explanationText: " Storyteller."},
{searchString: "Rahm Emanuel", explanationText: "
Angry."},
{searchString: "Rahm", explanationText: " Angry."},
{searchString: "Mitch McConnell", explanationText: "
Part-time Senate Republican leader, full-time hater."},
{searchString: "McConnell", explanationText: " Part-time Senate Republican leader, full-time hater."},
{searchString: "John Boehner", explanationText: "
House Republican leader."},
{searchString: "Boehner", explanationText: " House Republican leader."},
{searchString: "Bob Bauer", explanationText: "
White House Counsel. The sledgehammer."},
{searchString: "Robert Gates", explanationText: "
A testament to the amount of change we should be expecting from your presidency?"},
{searchString: "Larry Summers", explanationText: "
Failing upwards."},
{searchString: "Barney", explanationText: "
Nipples protruding."},
{searchString: "Barney Frank", explanationText: " Nipples protruding."},
{searchString: "Glenn Beck", explanationText: "
School's in session."},
{searchString: "Michelle", explanationText: "
Proud of her country."},
{searchString: "Muammar Gaddafi", explanationText: "
Libya's strongman. That is how you spell it, right?"},
{searchString: "Hosni Mubarak", explanationText: "
President of Egypt."},
{searchString: "Mubarak", explanationText: " President of Egypt."},
{searchString: "Osama bin Laden", explanationText: "
Chickens come to roost."},
{searchString: "Boris Johnson", explanationText: "
Seconds before disaster."},
{searchString: "midterm losses", explanationText: "
The 2010 midterms saw the Democrats clobbered as several Senate seats flipped Republican, only held together by a 50-50 tie; the House returned to GOP control by an overwhelming margin, dethroning Speaker Pelosi and her ilk."},
{searchString: "Eric Holder", explanationText: "
Your resident hatchet man."},
{searchString: "Loretta Lynch", explanationText: "
Holder's replacement, the new Attorney General."},
{searchString: "David Cameron", explanationText: "
Pigfucker."},
{searchString: "Nicolas Sarkozy", explanationText: "
The arbiter of what makes a good world leader."},
{searchString: "Kamala Harris", explanationText: "
Existing in the context of what came before her."},
{searchString: "Goodwin Liu", explanationText: "
The potential bane of Justice Alito's existence."},
{searchString: "Keith Ellison", explanationText: "
Time to break out the Quran again."},
{searchString: "Arab Spring", explanationText: "
Anti-government protests breaking out across the Middle East, triggered by a fatigue of charismatic demagogues, breadlines, and economic stagnation. Take note, Barack."},
{searchString: "Harvey Weinstein", explanationText: "
Tinseltown Democrat megadonor."},
{searchString: "Pete Souza's photo", explanationText: "
History in the making."},
{searchString: "Leon Panetta", explanationText: "
Director of the CIA, succeeding Michael Hayden."},
{searchString: "John Brennan", explanationText: "
Homeland Security advisor, drone apologist, “principal coordinator” of our kill lists."},
{searchString: "Binyamin Netanyahu", explanationText: "
Mr. America."},
{searchString: "Bibi", explanationText: " Mr. America."},
{searchString: "Eric", explanationText: "
Republican House Majority Leader."},
{searchString: "Gaddafi's fate", explanationText: "
“We came, we saw, he died!”"},
{searchString: "Bashar al-Assad", explanationText: "
He must go. He must go. He must go. He must go. He must go. He must go. He must go."},
{searchString: "Vladimir Putin", explanationText: "
President of the Russian Federation since 1999, ignoring the fake one they currently have in-office."},
{searchString: "John Bolton", explanationText: "
The Lorax, starring Zac Efron, Taylor Swift, Danny DeVito and Ed Helms, coming to theaters next year."},
{searchString: "Daley", explanationText: "
He and his dad will both be voting for you next year."},
{searchString: "Occupy Wall Street", explanationText: "Somehow made New York smell worse than it already does."},
{searchString: "birth certificate", explanationText: "
The question on everyone's mind."},
{searchString: "birth certificates", explanationText: " The question on everyone's mind."},
{searchString: "George Osborne", explanationText: "
Not a pigfucker, though we're looking into it."},
{searchString: "François Hollande", explanationText: "
Destined to be a popular leader."},
{searchString: "Ted Turner", explanationText: "
Mouth of the South."},
{searchString: "most receptive to his message", explanationText: "
Crackers."},
{searchString: "Rmoney", explanationText: "
Ching ching."},
{searchString: "Anthony Weiner", explanationText: "
Former congressman, husband to Clinton aide, and one of the world's great sleazebags."},
{searchString: "Sun Myung Moon", explanationText: "
Korean cult leader."},
{searchString: "turned out to be more of a red ripple", explanationText: "
The 2010 midterms saw the Democrats fare much better than originally thought, keeping hold of a 53 seat majority in the Senate following close wins in Illinois and Wisconsin; the House returned to GOP control, but by a smaller than estimated margin, dethroning Speaker Pelosi and her ilk."},
{searchString: "Saudi King Abdullah", explanationText: "
30 wives and counting."},
{searchString: "Duncan", explanationText: "
Secretary of Education and mastermind behind Common Core."}
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