Camp 4 miles below New Orleans
Jany 5th 1815
My dear fellow,
Has fate formed me jealous and suspicious or have my failures in
Life rendered me less sanguine and more doubtful of what is to be
the issue of my fortunes. Perhaps the clouded destinies that hang
over my fate and my country's fortunes may have rendered me Morose
and severe and jealous of my friend— What is the cause I cannot
divine, yet not withstanding your Magnamimity induced you to
transfer all your right and title to Paradise to me— yet in that
letter while you darkly hint at hopes that infuse new life into you
studiously avoiding the object's name and yet I have some how or
other conceived a most insiduous idea that your taste passions and
character are so similar to my own and the beautiful soothing
interesting and angelic Emily so much the favorite theme of your pen
Yes Austin I have been suspicious enough to fear that you are again
my rival and that the Phoenix flame which has resuscitated with
chastened vigour in my bosom still burns in yours and for the same
object
But to be plain with you I have long known and regarded E—y
in a peculiar manner— When my old flame was at its zenith she
was my confident and has for years been my most intimate friend.
What think you is the product of such intimacy—I cannot say I
love her—yet I know not a perfection I must not ascribe to her—
Am I sick?— worn down by toil and Marching? Do the chances
of war threaten my dissolution? Then I think of Emily—then
I look to her as one of the objects fate has given to attach me most
strongly to life and fame— I am vain enough to say—(I boast
because I prize it above all my worldly store)—-she in a small
degree reciprocates my feelings— We have often acknowledged our
feelings—How far my old attachment prevented me from rising
from the claims of a friend to a lover I cannot tell but surely I
could not have gazed so long on an object of her worth without
thirsting for possession were it not Austin that since I know E—a
first as if the passion was baleful my other better feelings have All
been swallowed in that vortex and my sensibilities for others
measurably suspended— That I have some slight traces of affection left
for her I will not cannot deny—but as it would require the
unravelling of more circumstances than I ever expect explained to
bring about a reconciliation I think no more about it only to
obliterate it forever.—
Of the landing of the English in this country our battle with
them etc you have no doubt heard for the last 12 days our armies
have been laying within sight of each other. They have twice
attempted to cannonade us from our works and force them but in
the end retired with loss—
I led the 44th Regt in this Action and [mutilated] had command
of it. It has suffered severely and acquitted itself well. How long
this state of things will remain I cannot tell— We are well fortified
but not strong enough to give them a field fight— They have about
8,000 Regulars—
If I live through the scene I will visit Kentucky immediately
afterward;—I wish much to see you and would be glad to meet you
there— I will be generous and if E—y prefers you to me my
influence with her shall be yours—i. e. if she is your object. Write
me the explanation you promise—
Excuse this scrip manner and matter I am sick—toil worn full
of Business
Adieu my dear fellow and if John Bull will give me his quietus
beleive I die as I live
Your friend Isaac L. Baker
[Addressed:] Stephen Fuller Austin, esquire Mine au Burton
Upper Louisiana