Austin, January 4, 1832
Dear Cousin,
We are always more or less influenced by the state of the
atmosphere. While at Brazoria every thing around me was greatly above
fever heat, and its influence could not but reach me. The rumour of
difficulties has set in motion all the violent passions of the body
politic, and there will not be wanting persons who will catch at
straws to attack and injure me if they can, and some of those I have
most served will be foremost to raise a clamour against me. How
little they know me!
The true interest of this country requires that it should remain
united to Mexico as a State that can legislate for itself in all local
and internal matters. I must go to the interior by February. It
will be a fatiguing journey, and [at] tended, perhaps, with difficulties
and dangers. My situation is unpleasant and unnatural. I long
for retirement and quiet, and I much fear that, in spite of myself,
I shall be borne along on the current of events into a stormy and
troubled sea. Such is life!— a speck between two eternities, as has
been aptly said. A speck—and yet how much of troubles and
perplexities! But it is our all. The past is but a picture, a shadow
of various hues. The future—we know not what. Theological and
mythological contradictions and inconsistensies make it everything,
anything, nothing. The mind is lost that seeks for a clear and
absolute demonstration of doctrinal or sectarian aphorisms, unless it
rests with confidence upon the throne of one, only just and
omnipotant God;—the God of the eternity past—the speck—and the eternity
to come—uncreated, and undeformed by mythological fancies, or
theological investments—the self existing, consistent, and bountiful
Father of Worlds, of time and of Eternity. From such a throne the
jargon and choas of religious strife may be calmly viewed and
understood. Yet it is sickening to see the wickedness that is practised
under the most sacred of names, and beneath the garb of religion.
I reached home night before last after riding forty seven miles
that day, and found sister Emily at a ball, dancing away in fine
spirits. She enjoyed the party, and I joined her, caught the
excitement, remembered your injunction to " laugh away care," and soon
forgot my forty seven miles ride. Sister is quite delighted with the
prospect of your removal here. I write without study or disguise,
confident that you will be an indulgent and candid critic. The
weather has been beautiful and I hope you are this day in New
Orleans.
Adiós, amiga mia.
ESTEVAN.
Your brother Henry is authorized to chuse a situation for you
out of my " Peach Point" survey of premium land—say two
hundred acres. I expect to be back soon enough to designate it myself
before it will be necessary to begin building, and should prefer
doing so, but if I am detained too long he can make a selection.
Farewell.