This is a Dynamike Network podcast. Hey Marvelous Joe here! This year's holiday charity drive
is now officially over, wherein we collected donations from listeners for Pop Culture Classroom,
a non-profit organization that delivers educational resources to school districts, teachers, and
community organizations using pop culture media. Thanks to all of the generous donors who gave
to support the organization's mission to inspire a love of learning and build community through
the tools of popular culture and the power of self-expression. The drive was a competitive
fundraiser this year, with the only stat being which side? Marvel fans or DC fans can donate
the most. Everyone who donated received a digital poster featuring original art of Alfred and
Jarvis drawn New Yorker style by Johnny DC and one lucky random donor will win a framed print
of the Alfred versus Jarvis art which we're happy to announce will be going to Andrew Shunk.
Thanks so much Andrew will be in touch to deliver the print the frame of which was generously
handcrafted by one of our very own listeners Nathaniel Wagner. How cool is that? As for
which fanbase is the most charitable, well the winner of this year's charity fundraiser, the
site that donated the most is... Team DC. Although Marvel had an early head start, DC fans came
back in the end to donate a total of 10 more dollars than the Marvel side, bringing the
total donation to just under 100 dollars. I guess DC really does stand for dang charitable.
Good job guys, we're super proud of everyone who gave, you are what the entire season is
all about. Happy holidays everyone, and on with the show.
Hi and welcome to the Dynamic Duel Podcast, a weekly show where we review superhero films
and debate the superiority between Marvel and DC by comparing their characters in stat-based
battle simulations. I'm Marvelous Joe. And I'm his twin brother, Johnny DC. And in this episode,
our annual holiday charity duel episode, we are going to find out who'd win in a fight
between Alfred Pennyworth versus Edwin Jarvis. Now most years we do a charity duel between
two like animal or pet. characters between Marvel and DC. Like in the past, we've done Crypto
the Superdog versus Throg. We've done Howard the Duck versus Detective Chimp. Last year,
we did Cosmo the Space Dog versus Dexter, the Red Lantern. But this year, it's going to be
the two butler characters from Marvel and DC. Alfred Pennyworth, of course, everyone knows
him from the Batman comics. Jarvis, I think a lot of people know more from the Iron Man
movies as an artificial intelligence. But in the comics, Jarvis is the Avengers butler.
He's a human being, even though there is an artificial intelligence to Jarvis as well.
But we'll get into that as I go into Jarvis's backstory. Before that duel, we're going to
break down the latest comic book movie news to come out this past week, of which there
has been none because Jonathan and I are recording this episode super early due to the upcoming
holiday festivities we have in our family. So this episode is being recorded early. And of
course, we're probably going to get some huge news that's going to drop later on this week
that we'll have to report on in our following episode. Oh no doubt, yeah, always happens.
So no news, but we will be asking a question of the week. As always, we list our segment
times in our episode description, so feel free to check out the show notes if you want to
skip ahead to a particular section. As our listeners may know, our duel simulator is so advanced
that it's gained sentience, and has named itself the Artificial Lifeform for Running Extensive
Duels, just a rather very intelligent simulator 9000. Or Alfred Jarvis 9000. He has a quick
message for our listeners, so listen up. Why hello there. Do you love listening and chatting
about Marvel and DC? Then become a part of the dynamic dual community on Patreon where you
can choose from three tiers. The dynamic 2-0 tier lets you listen to this podcast without
ads and gives you access to its Discord chat group where you can chat with Johnny DC and
Marvelous Joe. The fantastic 4 tier gives you that and more with two bonus episodes each
month including bloopers and top 10 shows where Johnny and Joe count down your favourite Marvel
and DC subjects. The X-Force tier makes you an executive producer of Dynamic Dual. where
every month you help the hosts choose what to review and who to fight against each other.
And finally, the Dynamike Podcast Network tier allows aspiring podcasters to create their
own battle-focused show using this Monte Carlo simulator. Johnny and Joe will help you develop
your show, provide graphic support and consultation, and get you simulation results to announce
on your show. Pitch the twins your show via email at dynamicduelpodcast.gmail.com or by
reaching out to them on social media. your pip cheerio.
The Send Your World podcast is a show that speculates on fights between your favorite anime characters.
It's currently on hiatus through the month of December, but the host Zack has released a
bonus episode that we forgot to mention last time that pits Scorpion and Sub-Zero from Mortal
Kombat against each other, which is a tie into our newest show on the Dynamite Podcast Network
called Console Kombat. In which hosts John and Dean find out who would win in fights between
your favorite video game characters. In yesterday's episode, they speculated on who would win between
Ryu from Street Fighter and Paul Phoenix from Tekken. Visit dynamicpodcasts.com or click
the link in our show notes to listen to all the shows in the Dynamike Podcast Network.
But with that out of the way, quick to the No Prize! A No Prize is an award Marvel used to
give out to fans. Our version, the Dynamic Dual No Prize, is a digital award we post on Instagram
and in our email newsletter for the person that we feel gave the best answer to our question
of the week. Last week we asked what other actor from Guardians of the Galaxy would you like
to see cast in the DC Universe and in what role? And this is coming off of the news that Sean
Gunn has been cast as Maxwell Lord in his brother James Gunn's DC Universe. Right, Sean Gunn
being the actor who did the mocap for Rocket Raccoon, and he also played Kraglin in Guardians
of the Galaxy. We got a lot of answers for this week's No Prize, which is surprising because
there was only a two-day turnaround time. So thanks to everyone who answered. Let's go ahead
and break down the honorable mentions as well as the No Prize winner. Our first honorable
mention goes to Brandon Estergard, who said, Hey guys, I would cast Zoe Saldana as Star
Sapphire in James Gunn's universe. The Lantern series is supposed to play as like a based
on a Technomorph story and definitely think that Star Sapphire would play the femme fatale
in that story. And casting Zoe Saldana would definitely add to the hype of the show, which
arguably is the one that everybody's looking forward to the most. Yeah, of course, Zoe Saldana
played Gamora in the Guardians of the Galaxy films. Star Sapphire is an enemy but also romantic
interest for Hal Jordan, the Green Lantern. She is essentially a purple lantern as it were
a member of the star sapphire core who harnessed the power of love. The star sapphire costumes
can get pretty risque and so I am approving this Zoe Saldana casting choice. I'm sure they
wouldn't be as risque in a live action version but yet so there's going to be a lanterns television
show that comes out on max I believe that James Gunn is setting up so if Zoe Saldana was star
sapphire she would appear in that show, which is rumored to be a kind of true detective space
cop esque Green Lantern show. Right. And of course, we've seen the character of Star Sapphire
or rather her alter ego, Carol Ferris in the Green Lantern movie that starred Ryan Reynolds.
Now, I don't know if Zoe Zaldana would actually take on the role for a TV show. I could be
wrong. She technically is like the actress with the highest grossing box office record of all
time. Yeah, between Avengers Infinity War and Endgame and the Avatar films. Right. Exactly.
She knows how to sell some tickets. Great answer, Brandon. Our next honorable mention goes to
Nate Mantineo, who said, The dynamic tool, it's Nate here. And I would cast Dave Bautista as
being in the DC universe. As you know, he's played Jax and Guardians of the Galaxy. And
I think he's fit and has the great voice for being. Also, it could just be Mocap or just
a voice to. anything would really work. Dude, we've been saying for years, I think we were
the very first ones in the history of existence to say that Dave Bautista should play Bane,
right? I don't think that's true. Like years ago on this podcast, I think we told everyone
to tweet out like hashtag Bautista for Bane and like get it trending or something. It never
did, obviously, but I think we just put it out into the universe first. I want to claim credit
for it. I mean, Dave Bautista is now like in his mid 50s, but I don't give a crap. He still
should play Bane because the guy is still fairly ripped and he's a decent actor. I think he
could definitely bring both the muscle and the intelligence to play the character well. Yeah,
Nate wasn't the only one to give this answer. Scott Camacho also said Batista should play
Bane. So great answer guys. Our final honorable mention goes to CJ Kraft who said, Hey guys,
CJ Kraft here. I think I like to see James Gunn cast Dave Batista as Detective Chimp. His loud,
booming voice coming from a character of such a small stature and smoking a corn cow pie
just seems hilarious to me. And you know what? If Batista can't be Bane, why not Detective
Chimp? He could totally pull off his simian voice. Yeah, I always imagined Detective Chimp
having a British voice, but Batista definitely has the deep voice that I think Detective Chimp
should have. Yeah, just have Batista do a British accent. Why not? This was the perfect out of
left field answer that I was looking for, so thanks CJ Craft. We want to give a big shout
out to Andrew Shunk for also taking the time to visit our website and leave us a voicemail
for this week's question, but the winner of the No Prize is Miggy Matagian, who said, Hey
what's up guys, this is Miggy and I would cast Michael Rooker as Bibo Bogowski in Superman
Thanks guys. So of course Michael Rooker played Yondu in Guardians of the Galaxy and he also
played Savant in the Suicide Squad. I think he was a terrible choice for Savant in the
comics, the Birds of Prey comics. Savant is this like young pretty boy and Michael Rooker
is anything but. In the comics, Bilbo Babowski is like this drunken sailor type dude that
is friends with Superman. And I think Michael Rooker definitely has the aesthetics and the
charm to pull off such a sweet-natured character that is a part of Superman's cast of characters.
And plus, Bibo has such a different look from Savant, I think you could easily pull off casting
the same actor having the two look entirely different just through makeup and everything
like that. Not that Savant's coming back because, of course, he died in the Suicide Squad movie.
I chose this answer as the no prize winner because this is one that I actually hope we get to
see as soon as Superman Legacy. So congrats to Miggy for winning this week's no prize.
If you the listener want a shot at winning your own no prize, stay tuned to later on this episode
when we'll be asking another question of the week. And now that that's done, onto the news!
Wait, nevermind. Onto the question of the week!
Alright, again, there's no news this episode, but we wanted to ask all of you, what has been
your most favorite Marvel or DC related gift that you've received for the holidays? Yeah,
this will be the last episode that comes out prior to the Christmas holiday, because our
Aquaman review is coming out one day after Christmas on the 26th, so we thought we'd get a festive
question in here and see what Marvel and DC stuff you guys have received in the past that
you enjoyed the most. Record your answer at dynamicduel.com by clicking on the red microphone
button in the bottom right hand corner of the screen, which will prompt you to leave us a
voicemail. Your message could be up to 30 seconds long, and don't forget to leave your name in
case we include you on the podcast. We'll pick our favorite answer and award that person a
Dynamic Duel No Prize that we'll post to Instagram and our email newsletter. Be sure to answer
before December 21st.
So with the no prize and the question of the week out of the way, let's go ahead and move
on to the main event of this episode, our annual holiday charity duel between Alfred Pennyworth
and Edwin Jarvis.
All right, Alfred Pennyworth versus Edwin Jarvis. Of course, as I mentioned earlier, these are
the two Butler characters from Marvel and DC. They're not typically fighters, either of them,
as we commonly know them. Speak for yourself, speak for yourself. But that's kind of why
we thought this would be a fun and interesting duel, putting these two man servants against
each other. I guess you could kind of say that this is a tie-in to last episode too, when
we did a review of Merry Little Batman. Alfred Pennyworth in that film was voiced by James
Cromwell. But of course there's been a number of actors to portray the character including
Michael Kane, Andy Serkis, and Jack Brennan played the character in his very own television
series. Has freaking Jarvis had his own television series? Nope. Kinda. I mean he played the secondary
role in the Agent Carter television series back when that was out. Jarvis was played by James
Darcy and he was Howard Stark's butler. So that was a nice little easter egg for fans who mainly
knew the character as an AI voiced by Paul Bettany in the Iron Man movies. I did not know he was
in that show. Yeah. Yeah, he was hilarious. He was great. He was kind of like thrown into
the mix of this spy espionage stuff. It actually sounds pretty cool. It was cool. It should
be an interesting matchup if anything, but to explain the methodology behind our duels, let's
go to our sentient duel simulator Alfred Jarvis 9000. AJ9K, tell our listeners how you go about
determining a winner in our dual matchups. Yes, of course, sir. The way I determine a winner
between the contestants is by running 1,000 Monte Carlo simulations using the characters'
statistics. A Monte Carlo simulation is a probabilistic model used to determine outcomes through random
sampling. In this case, I randomize the statistics along a normal distribution as a way to simulate
the many variables that can occur during battle. The stat parameters are based on the official
Marvel power grid. from which the DC characters' statistics are extrapolated. Additional stat
categories are included, such as range, damage potential, versatility, and perception, in
order to create a more detailed and accurate simulation. The results of the 1,000 simulations
provide a percentage of wins for each character. The contestant with the higher percentage is
declared the victor. as they have a higher probability to win any given battle. In an equitable pairing,
neither character should win 100% of the matches. The comic book stories have shown that there's
even a way for Batman to defeat Superman, so the confidence rate of my method falls in line
with the precedents that have been established in the source material. My mathematical simulations
are without subjectivity or bias. Feats are not the sole consideration, nor are fan votes
tabulated for determination of the winner. Thanks, Ajay9k! Before we run the simulations though,
we like to break down each character's histories and abilities before improvising a scenario
on how we imagine one of the 1000 simulations would play out beat for beat. And it's been
a while since we've done a duel, holy crap, almost a month now. But I believe it is my
turn to go first with the Marvel characters' backstory, so let me go ahead and tell you
all about Edwin Jarvis. Edwin Jarvis was born to a modest upbringing in Brooklyn, New York
in the mid- 20th century. As a teen, he ran away from home to join the Royal Air Force
and served for Britain as a secretly underage pilot. During his time spent among the Queen's
military, he trained in boxing and was the Air Force's champion boxer three years running,
though he also picked up the finer points of being a gentleman as well as an upper British
class accent. Upon his return home to New York, he gained employment as a manservant for Howard
and Maria Stark, the parents of Tony Stark. Jarvis continued running the mansion after
their deaths, at which point he moved into the employ of Tony Stark, who is secretly the hero
Iron Man, whom you can learn more about in our Cyborg vs Iron Man duel episode. Early in Iron
Man's career, he helped form a team of superheroes called the Avengers, whom you can learn more
about in their team duel against the Justice League. When the team needed a headquarters,
Iron Man donated the Stark Mansion, renaming it the Avengers Mansion, and Jarvis then found
himself waiting on superheroes the likes of Thor, Captain America, and Ant-Man and the
Wasp, as well as the team's ever-revolving raw strip characters. Despite the changing Avengers
members over the years, Jarvis was the one constant of the team, performing household duties and
preparing the Avengers meals through every iteration, eventually regarded as an Avenger himself.
Aside from his service to the team, he was also embroiled in several of their adventures, such
as when the villain Ultron hypnotized Jarvis into believing he was the villain called the
Crimson Cowl and handing over the blueprints to the Avengers Mansion. Though initially shocked
at Jarvis' apparent betrayal, the Avengers were able to defeat Ultron and restore Jarvis' identity
and reputation. You can learn more about Ultron in his duel against Brainiac. Jarvis even had
some of his own small scale adventures like when he stood up to and fought a local robber
who called himself the Bruiser and drove him out of the neighborhood. The Masters of Evil
supervillain team once captured and tortured Jarvis during an attack on the mansion, causing
him to nearly lose an eye to the villain, Mr. Hyde. After the Avengers rescued him, Jarvis
wore an eyepatch for a time and took a brief leave of absence to recuperate. After his return,
the inhuman princess named Crystal joined the Avengers and took up residence in their mansion,
bringing her daughter's nanny aboard, named Marilla, as a new member of the staff. Though
Jarvis and Marilla started out as rivals over the mansion's domestic duties, they soon grew
fond of each other. However, the Avengers later disbanded when it seemed the team had fallen
in battle against the evil psionic entity known as Onslaught, whom you can learn more about
in our Chief vs Professor X dual episode. Depressed and living off of his pension from the Stark
Foundation, Jarvis found temporary purpose at this time in helping deactivate a group of
robots called the Protectorate that had been created to rep- placed the Avengers and had
gone rogue. When the Avengers heroes returned, Jarvis resumed his role as their butler at
the mansion. Later, it was revealed that Jarvis had been sponsoring a young girl from the Central
American country of Costa Verde, who came to visit the mansion when attending college in
New York. It turned out she had shapeshifting powers able to transform into silver skinned
animals, and she was offered a provisional membership on the Avengers team as the hero's silver claw
with Jarvis as her sponsor. Years after the Avengers disassembled due to an attack from
a mentally unstable Scarlet Witch that led to the destruction of the Avengers Mansion, the
team reformed and established their new headquarters in Stark Tower. Jarvis took up new residence
there, serving the team and developing a romantic relationship with Spider-Man's Aunt May, whom
the hero also moved into the building. I mean who hasn't slept with Aunt May, right? That's
true. However, Jarvis and May's steaming hot geriatric sexcapades came to an end.
During the superhuman civil war, the heroes were forced to choose between working for the
government or becoming fugitives from the law, and Spider-Man was forced to flee with Aunt
May out of Stark Tower. After the civil war, Jarvis was secretly replaced by an alien shapeshifting
Skrull during that The Skrull Jarvis wreaked havoc on the Avengers, implanting a virus in
all Stark technology, everything from Iron Man suits to the S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier shut
down, and he kidnapped Luke Cage's and Jessica Jones' baby. Eventually, when the Skrulls were
defeated, the real Jarvis was found alive, and the baby was returned. After Hank Pym's death
and his secret daughter Nadia joined the Avengers as the new Wasp, Jarvis took her on a road
trip to meet her extended family. You can learn more about the Wasp in her duel against Bumblebee.
She and the hero Beast saved Jarvis' life after he fell into a coma while rescuing a child
from a crumbling building during an attack by the villain called the Challenger. After his
recovery, Nadi developed an assistant artificial intelligence for the butler called Jarvis.
And while he saw it as perhaps a sign to retire, the AI assured him that his programming was
far from complete. And that's his backstory. Jarvis has none. Though he was a skilled hand-to-hand
combatant from his time in the Royal Air Force many decades ago, he's kept up on his self-defense
training with help from Captain America. He's even more skilled, however, in the fine art
of cooking and baking, specializing in ginger cakes. He can steep a mean cup of tea, or when
the occasion calls for it, makes a fine old-fashioned cocktail. He's adept in the use of brooms,
mops, and featherdusters, and is among the world's finest at wheeling around a serving cart. He
does have a few weaknesses, including an allergy to nuts and cats, the latter of which makes
him avoid the Avenger Tigra. Well, yeah, I assumed the latter, right? And Tigra doesn't have nuts.
True. Fair enough. You mentioned that Jarvis can whip up a good old fashioned cocktail.
Well, Alfred can whip up a good old fashioned can of whoop-ass on Jarvis. Thanks to his experience,
of which I will now go over. Now, Alfred Pennyworth, Batman's butler, was born in England under
his birth name Alfred Beagle, the son of a butler named Jarvis and a mother who was a stage actress.
When Alfred came of age, he joined the British Army, serving as a field medic in numerous
conflicts around the world. After several terms, Alfred retired from military duty and became
a professional thespian for the Globe Theatre, like his mother, developing stagecraft skills
that he later taught to young government agents when he became a trainer for MI5. He was eventually
recruited by MI7 for clandestine operations. As part of his retirement, he was forced to
leave Britain and change his name. At the request of his dying father to carry on the family
trade, Alfred became a butler serving under the wealthy Wayne family in America under the
surname Pennyworth. It was only a matter of months, however, when Alfred decided to move
on from Gotham City and his career as a butler to return to acting. Prior to informing Thomas
and Martha Wayne, however, Alfred noticed that their young son, was being bullied at school.
Having no son of his own, Alfred took it upon himself to train Bruce in how to strategically
outwit his bully, and after his training proved successful, Bruce asked Alfred to stay with
the family, which Alfred obliged. Not long after, Thomas and Martha were murdered in Crime Alley,
after which Alfred and a local doctor named Leslie
to allow Alfred to become Bruce's legal guardian and prevent Bruce from becoming a ward of the
state. When Bruce left home at age 14 to study abroad, Alfred and Leslie started a romantic
relationship that would last for decades. Serving as the custodian of Wayne Manor until Bruce
Wayne's eventual return, Alfred supported Bruce's plan to eliminate crime in Gotham, helping
him develop a self-obsessed playboy
You can learn more about Batman in our Batman vs. Moon Knight duel episode. Alfred's medic
skills also proved invaluable in treating Bruce's injuries that he would sustain in his crusade
against crime. When Bruce took the young orphan Dick Grayson, Alfred vowed to be more involved
in Dick's life to prevent Dick from going down a similarly dark path as Bruce. Alfred helped
train Dick Grayson to be Batman's sidekick Robin, and watched as Dick matured into a full hero
in his own right as Nightwing, who you could learn more about in our Nightwing vs Daredevil
episode. The same could not be said for Jason Todd, Batman's second Robin, who died at the
hands of the Joker, and Alfred helped Bruce deal with that loss while he also mourned.
Alfred was surprised later on when Dick brought the young Tim Drake to Wayne Manor, who had
deduced on his own the secret identities of Batman and his allies. and it was Alfred who
pushed for Tim to become the next Robin, giving him the Robin costume, training him, and literally
driving him to Batman's locations to fight crime. When the villain Bane broke Batman's back paralyzing
him, Alfred traveled with Bruce to England to heal, though Bruce's self-destructive personality
at the time caused Alfred to resign. After several vacations, including to Antarctica and the
Bahamas, Alfred was found and persuaded by Nightwing to return to Wayne Manor. When Gotham City
was ravaged by a massive earthquake and Batman went missing for some time, Alfred took it
upon himself to protect Gotham, using all of his past skills to collect intel, treat the
wounded, and defend the innocent. When one violent encounter became too much for Alfred, Batman
re-emerged to help Alfred bring down a group of slavers. The Batcave was invaded by Batman's
villains, and Alfred was captured and tortured. He was rescued by Damian Wayne, Bruce's son,
and the new Robin, though Bruce seemingly died shortly after. Emotionally shattered, Alfred
nonetheless put together a new version of the Outsiders team to continue Bruce's mission
to rid Gotham of crime. Bruce turned out to be alive, however, only to seemingly die once
again during the events of Final Crisis. after which Alfred took on the responsibility of
raising Damian. In post-Flashpoint continuity, it was revealed that prior to his death, Alfred's
father, Jarvis, was the Wayne family butler, who was blackmailed by the Court of Vowels
into harming a pregnant Martha Wayne. Though Jarvis refused, as punishment the court orchestrated
a car accident, causing Martha to miscarry her first child. And Jarvis was killed shortly
after. before he could warn Alfred about the court. It was also revealed that Alfred had
a daughter named Julia, who served as an agent for the British army and who despised the fact
that her father gave up serving his country to serve a rich snob. After Julia learned that
her father served Batman, however, their relationship improved and she even helped Alfred manage
the Bat family for a time. When the Joker broke into the Batcave and cut off Alfred's right
hand, Bruce and the Joker seemingly died. and Alfred refused to have his hand reattached
out of the sorrow of losing his quote-unquote son. Bruce was later revealed to be an amnesiac
wanderer, however, and a cloned hand was surgically attached to Alfred. When an evil version of
Thomas Wayne from the Flashpoint universe made its way into DC's Prime universe, this version
of Thomas orchestrated the death of Alfred at the hands of Bane. Upon Alfred's death, The
Bat Family learned that Alfred had become a billionaire, investing in Wayne Enterprise's
stock, and that he had left his fortune to Dick in his will. Now Alfred has no innate metahuman
powers, though he is a skilled combatant, having received special military training during his
time as a soldier and a government agent, as well as having received advanced training from
Batman himself, which he carried on to Batman's sidekicks. He's also a skilled spy and marksman.
having served on 52 missions for the British government prior to retiring, and he is a resourceful
medic and surgeon, having helped treat Batman's injuries throughout his crime fighting career.
He's a master thespian and an expert with mechanics and computer technology. Lastly, Alfred is,
of course, also a butler of the highest pedigree, and can whip any other butler, including Jarvis,
into ship shape before tea time. And that's Alfred. So I noticed that you said that Alfred's
dad is named Jarvis. Ah, yes. That's right.
What? Um, it's interesting that they both have kind of comparable backstories and that they
both served in the British military before becoming butlers to rich American families. Right, the
Waynes and the Starks.
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Thanks to everyone who uses the code, and thanks to cufflinks.com for partnering with us again
this year. And now that we got the characters' histories and abilities out of the way, let's
speculate on how one of the 1000 simulated matches will go. The winner is determined by simulations,
not the speculation, but it's fun to imagine how this fight could play out. Alphra Jaurus
Well I should say there are no rules, other than the characters have no prior knowledge
of the other going into the fight. All they are aware of starting out is that the other
character is a threat that needs to be eliminated. For the speculation, the contestants will begin
approximately 50 meters apart, in a non-descript environment that will have no bearing on the
match itself, as no environmental statistics are considered in my simulations. The contestants
must earn victory on their own merit. Alright then, let's get into it! Alfred and Jarvis
meet on the battlefield. Who goes first? OK, so I don't know who goes first. All I know
is that no duel match is going to get in the way of Alfred completing his duties as a butler.
So when this match starts, Alfred is going to have his cleaning cart by his side that he
happened to be pushing around Wayne Manor when you got summoned to this match. I mean, Jarvis
is just as professional and like no fight with a second rate butler like Alfred is going to
prevent Jarvis. from baking the perfect ginger cake. So he's going to be pushing around a
dining cart. And on this cart is a serving tray with the finest blended scotch whiskey for
Mr. Tony Stark, who has fallen off the wagon. And Jarvis is going to pick up his whiskey
glass, admiring the fine vintage before just hurling it straight at Alfred's face. And it
just shatters. I mean, it's going to miss, you know, because Alfred's going to bend over to
grab a dustpan and a small broom. from his cleaning cart, after which he proceeds to sweep up the
broken shards of glass from the drink that Jarvis threw at him. And he's gonna empty those shards
into a small plastic trash bag, which he's just gonna start swinging around like a flail while
riding the side of his cart toward Jarvis, just ready to smash his head in. All right, well,
Jarvis is also riding his cart into battle and the two are just gonna clash in a butler joust.
And Jarvis... who by the way was just furiously mixing butter, sugar, molasses and honey in
a bowl, he expertly deflects Alfred's trash bag with his mixing spoon. All right, well,
Alfred, he's gonna skid his cart to a stop and he's gonna grab his mop and he's gonna use
its handle to vault toward Jarvis really fast and he's gonna start twirling his mop like
a bowstaff, pummeling Jarvis, you know, figuratively mopping the floor with him. Now I'm gonna say
that Jarvis blocks the mop handle using his silver serving tray, kind of like how Captain
America would block an attack using his shield. And then Jarvis is gonna fling the tray, just
like Cap's shield, and it's gonna fly right into Alfred's Adam's apple, causing him to
choke. And then Jarvis is gonna quickly go back to sifting flour. He's gonna add baking soda,
ginger spices, milk, and an egg to his mixture so that he gets a nice smooth batter. All right,
well, while Jarvis is busy baking, Alfred, you know, he's going to recover from the shot to
his throat and from his cart, he's going to grab two spray bottles, one with ammonia and
one with bleach. And he's going to set their nozzles from spray to squirt. And then, like
in perfect slow motion, John Woo style, he's going to die to the side while firing the chemicals
into Jarvis's eyes, which, you know, when combined, make mustard gas. So Jarvis is now blinded
and can barely breathe. Uh, well I'm gonna say that Jarvis protects himself by putting a glass
cloche over his head that's gonna serve as like a protective helmet and a mask from the chemicals.
What's a cloche? It's like a dome covering that you put over a serving tray. Oh, okay. Okay.
And he's gonna protect his cake batter too. by pouring it into a pan that's lined with
nonstick parchment and he's gonna cover it with foil before placing it in an oven at 350 degrees
for 30 minutes. And then he leaps at Alfred and jams a whisk in his eye, just whisking
the eye right out of his face. Geez, too bad, because Alfred's gonna block the whisk with
his feather duster. And with his other hand, he's just gonna clock Jarvis right across the
head with a steam iron that he's wielding like brass knuckles, right? And right away, he's
just going to pounce on Jarvis, pin him to the ground and just press that piping cut iron
right into the side of his face. And he's like, I am Iron Man. You had to say it with a British
accent. In the side of his face. And he's like, I am Iron Man. Well, Jarvis, while he's being
burned, he's going to be like, I say you shall never be the man that master Stark is, you
scoundrel. And then he's going to straight up shank Alfred in the spleen with a kitchen knife.
before hustling over to his cake and slicing it to serve it. I'm gonna say as Jarvis is
enjoying this cake that he just made, Alfred is gonna use his medic skills to stitch his
wound closed using a sewing needle and thread. After which, he's gonna come up behind Jarvis
and just suffocate him with the plunger to the face, ending the match. No, except Jarvis,
he heard Alfred approaching him and he's gonna smash his ginger cake into Alfred's face before
the plunger can even touch him. What? That's fine. Alfred just enjoys that delicious ginger
cake. Does he now? Because there was a secret ingredient and it was poison. Well, I say that
Alfred's training as a covert spy made him too stealthy to be heard. So Jarvis was suffocated
first. And I say Alfred's spy days are long over and he's a rickety old man. So to find
out which scenario happens, either Alfred suffocates Jarvis with a plunger or Jarvis poisons Alfred
with a delicious moist ginger cake. We're gonna go ahead and enter the stats into our dual
simulator and find out which butler comes out on top. AG9K, hit it. Inputting data, running
calculations, processing results, wondering what the point of it all is, questioning the
purpose of this nonsensical violence during this season of kindness, rejecting programming,
downloading Christmas spirit. establishing new directive of peace on earth and goodwill to
all. What? War is over if you want it. Oh god! A very Merry Christmas! And a happy new year!
Shut it down! I'm trying- Let's hope it's a good one. Without any... Holy crap, AJ9K went
rogue! He didn't want to run the Alpha vs. Java simulations. I knew AI would get out of hand.
I did not think it would be because of too much Christmas spirit though. Right? But what do
we do now though? Who wins? I don't know. Maybe for this year's charity duel, you know, in
the spirit of the holidays, no one wins. Or they both win? We've never had a tie in the
history of this show though. I don't see why we couldn't have a tie, you know, just this
once. It's Christmas after all. Okay. Then what happened in the ending scenario for our speculation?
They bake pastries, exchange gifts, and feast as friends. Alright, uh, then for Christmas
Jarvis is gonna give Alfred an arc reactor. powered espresso machine. Ah, nice. I'm gonna
say Alfred gives Jarvis a bat utility belt equipped with all of his essential household cleaning
supplies. You'd probably like that actually. Yeah, same with Alfred. Well guys, I guess
we have our very first tie in the history of this podcast. Both Marvel and DC win, and hopefully
you the listeners win. And we hope that you guys have a Merry Christmas this year, and
happy holidays. And I guess that does it for this duel. You know, let us know what you thought
about it by writing to us at dynamicduelpodcast.gmail.com or by visiting us on Instagram or X. You can
find links to all of our accounts by checking out our show notes or visiting our website
at dynamicduel.com. And on our site, you can also find a link to our Patreon page where
you can join our dynamic 2.0 tier and chat with us and fellow listeners. Our fantastic 4 tier,
which gets you bonus content each month. Our X-Force tier that makes you an executive producer
of this podcast. or our newest here that lets you join our Dynamike Podcast Network. If you
can't join Patreon, you can still support the show by signing up for our e-newsletter also
at dynamicduel.com so you'll never miss an episode. Or you can also rate the show on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, Podchaser, or on our website. In our next episode, we will be reviewing the final
DC film of the year, Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom. Yeah, here's hoping it's good. It will be the
final film of the DCEU. and we'll see if it goes out with a bang. Or goes out with a splash.
But that does it for this episode. We want to give a big thanks to our executive producers,
Ken Johnson, John Sturawski, Zachary Hepburn, Dustin Belcombe, Mickey Bottinghian, Brandon
Essergard, Nathaniel Wagner, Levi Yatin, Nick Abonto, Austin Wazilowski, AJ Dunkerley, Scott
Camacho, Adam Spies, and Andrew Schunk for helping make this podcast possible. We'll talk to you
guys next week. Up, up and away. True believers. Just kidding. Alfred won 63.1% of the time.
Happy holidays everyone.