---
name: delicate-conversation-scripts
description: Use when delivering difficult feedback (performance issues, firing, promotion denial), when managers avoid necessary conversations due to fear, or when needing structured scripts for high-stakes communication
---

# Delicate Conversation Scripts

## Overview

A structured approach to delivering difficult feedback that relies on **observable facts** rather than judgment, reducing defensiveness and clarifying expectations.

**Core principle:** Your job is to drive results, not make employees happy. But doing it well preserves the relationship AND improves performance.

## The Six-Step Script

```
┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│  1. NEUTRAL OPENING                                             │
│     "I want to chat with you about [Topic]..."                  │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  2. OBSERVABLE EVIDENCE                                         │
│     "What I am hearing/observing is [Specific Fact]..."         │
│     NOT: "You're not a team player"                             │
│     YES: "In the last 3 meetings, you interrupted others 7x"    │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  3. SHARED REALITY                                              │
│     "We both know that to be successful here [Expectation]..."  │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  4. THE STAKES                                                  │
│     "If this doesn't change, [Consequence]..."                  │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  5. THE PAUSE                                                   │
│     Check for reaction/defensiveness.                           │
│     "I notice you're getting emotional..."                      │
├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│  6. THE FUTURE                                                  │
│     "I want to help you succeed by [Next Steps]..."             │
└─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┘
```

## Key Principles

| Principle | Good | Bad |
|-----------|------|-----|
| **Evidence** | Observable facts/data | Judgments/feelings |
| **Framing** | Career goals link | Personal attack |
| **Mindset** | Help them improve | Vent your frustration |
| **Reaction** | Hold the line | Back down |

## Handling Emotional Reactions

When they get defensive/emotional:
- "I notice you're getting a little emotional..."
- "We can take a break if needed, but ultimately we need to have this conversation."
- **Hold the line**—don't back down just because it's uncomfortable.

## Common Mistakes

- **Vague to be "nice"**: Specifics are kinder in the long run
- **Personality focus**: Critique behavior, not character
- **Backing down**: When emotional reaction happens, persist

## Example Application

Manager telling employee she's not getting promoted:
- ✗ "You're just not ready"
- ✓ "The skills we need for this role are X, Y, Z. My observation is you're strong in X but need development in Y and Z. I want to help you build those skills for the future."

---

*Source: Alisa Cohn (Executive Coach, Top Startup Coach) via Lenny's Podcast*