Are all cats psychic? Are all curves sexy? Are microphones inherently unhygienic? Are pants optional? Are potatoes the best? Are straw hats necessary for the enjoyment of country music? Are tennis balls green? Are tennis balls yellow? Are there funny euphemisms for masturbation? Are there more than 5 mammals inside your house? Are there owls? Are you breathing through the left nostril? Are you familiar with the procedure for producing a standard cup of tea (ISO 3103)? Are you wearing comfortable undergarments? Can plants hate? Can you fit your whole fist into your mouth? Did *you* pay attention to the old man behind the curtain? Did you know you can chew chewable medicine? Do avocado-based treats reflect personal feelings of entitlement? Do hats exist? Do you believe in magic in a young girl's heart? Do you believe we should still use spats? Do you cancel your appointments by text instead of by calling? Do you enjoy spicy food and spicy language? Do you favor "favour" over "favor"? Do you feel tingly feelings when this questionnaire asks saucy questions? Do you follow any unorthodox custom at the family table? Do you go to the supermarket while hungry? Do you have a favorite burner in your stove? Do you have a high tolerance for green coloring in beer? Do you have a least-favorite emoji? Do you have pleasure toys in your house? Do you hold the board game "Monopoly" in high contempt? Do you know how to dance polka? Do you know the birthdays of at least 5 family members? Do you know the way to San Jose? Do you know what a queef is? Do you know when to flip a chocolate-flavored pancake? Do you know where your Sternocleidomastoid muscle is? Do you know why x% of y is the same as y% of x? Do you know your grandmother's crush? Do you like being putty in a special someone's hands? Do you like my nails? Do you like reading softcore porn or erotica, even if only on rare occasions?? Do you like the Scooby Doo series? Do you make your appointments more than 2 months in advance? Do you play video games with aliens in them? Do you pray for the Heat Death of the Universe to come earlier? Do you prefer cats to dogs? Do you prefer dogs to cats? Do you put whiskey in your daily coffee? Why not? Do you respond well to sexually charged texts from attractive strangers? Do you serve milk before cereal in the bowl? Do you sleep on your side? Do you sleep with more than 5 items of clothing on your person? Do you support gay divorce? Do you support the use of reusable metal toothpicks? Do you swallow chewing gum after 5 minutes? Do you think Harry Potter is overrated and OMG why won't people shut up about him? Do you think Harry Potter should have married Hermione Granger? Do you think about marmosets a lot? Do you think green lipstick would fit Marilyn Manson's features? Do you think insects can feel pleasure? Do you think someone could be aroused by the smell of petroleum jelly? Do you think the British version of "The Office" is better than the American? Do you think there could be a Church of the Tooth Fairy? Do you think you could put your whole arm in a condom? Does your mother know? Have you become your own father/mother? Have you ever been awarded something? Have you ever been embarrassed by your parents in public? Have you ever cheated on a test? Have you ever come out naked from your bathroom and someone saw you accidently? Have you ever crossed an ocean? Have you ever enjoyed the pleasures of a one night stand? Have you ever fantazised about playing matchmaker with your two best friends? Have you ever farted to mark territory? Have you ever felt attraction for someone in a position of authority over you (a boss, a teacher, etc)? Have you ever fractured a bone? Have you ever got a hickey on your neck or groin? Have you ever leaned to suggest nonverbally a partner to spank you? Have you ever licked ChapStick? Have you ever locked yourself out of the car or home? Did you cry? Have you ever made love in a canoe? Have you ever played Chicken against a live chicken? Have you ever proselitized a book? Have you ever relieved a partner of stiffness in their back? Have you ever scratched testicles (either yours or someone else's)? Have you ever seen a ghost, even if they don't exist? Have you ever seen an angel, even if they don't exist? Have you ever seen someone changing their clothes? Did you take pics? Have you ever seen the rain? Have you ever sent an embarrasing love letter? Have you ever slept more than 12 hours straight? Have you ever stayed awake for a whole night? Have you ever switched religions? Have you ever talked to yourself while watching in the mirror? Have you ever thought what Freddy Mercury looked like naked? Have you ever tripped after stepping on a banana peel? Have you ever written bad poems on a notebook? Have you found bliss in the warm embrace of a coworker? If given the chance, would you go straight for 3rd base? If ignorance is bliss, is the reverse true? If only one person uses their tongue, is it still a French kiss? Is "pulp writer" an honourable profession? Is coffee the best way to sneak alcohol into the office? Is it OK to cheat at board games if everybody agrees before hand? Is it true that one can reach a high pitch after getting flicked in their privates? Is pleasure from food as good as pleasure from massages? Is your body odour today a lot stronger than average? Is your fridge running? Is your tongue uncomfortable? MEN ONLY: Have you ever given or been given *The Nod*? Should one yield before lower powers if doing so guarantees having food? Should we replace baseball with Bo-taoshi as a metaphor for sex? There exists a standard cup of tea (ISO 3103). Do you agree with it? WOMEN ONLY: Have you ever given or been given *The Nod*? Want to see a magic trick? Was Adam a snitch? Were you of legal age when you started fantasizing about Kate Upton? Which is bigger: <-----> or >-----< ? While staying at home with a parent, do you still honor your childhood bedtime? Would you be a sidekick to Flash Gordon? Would you believe me if I told you I just flipped a coin and got heads? Would you gift your spouse a baseball bat?