Stupid News reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 28th 2001 2:55am

AntiOffline is proud to add the latest section dubbed "Stupid News." Here you will find all the news you would never expect to see on shows like 20/20, your local news shows, shit even your own local newspapers. Why do you ask? Because their so unbelievable dumb. Sure some of the articles that will be featured here may seem unbelievable, but they are 100% legitimate, and besides you can trust us to post the shit you won't see anywhere else. So act now and click on the damn link, and afterwards send us all your money to support our ritalin habits. stupid news

Thirteen days... The real deal reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 28th 2001 2:55am

I have read volumes about the Cuban Missile Crisis, but nothing about the Cuban Submarine Crisis. For good reason. That story has never been told. It is buried in the vaults of the National Security Agency. I know. I was there, and intimately involved. I have waited almost forty years to tell this story. It is long overdue. I believe that the general public has a right to know and understand what really transpired between President Kennedy and Soviet Premier Khrushchev: why Kennedy made the decisions that he did during that conflict, and why Khrushchev backed down. It had a lot more to do with submarines and potential long-range missiles than it had to do with medium-range ground-based missiles located in Cuba. Never before revealed to the American public, the Soviet submarine force played a key (if not the major) role in the Cuban Missile Crisis. 13 days

Wanna Banana? reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 27th 2001 1:31am

Russia's Banana Party has backed the use of bananas during sex. The change in policy came after party members decided the fruit could not transmit Aids. Party officials decided to adopt the change in policy after a heated debate over the practice. African peoples have a long tradition of ritually deflowering virgins using bananas, the party's state session in Vologda heard. This is great news for a Russian coffinmaker who was rushed into hospital after his circular saw got caught up in his trousers. He cut it into 6 pieces (ouch) Polly wanna Banana? Bye Bye Penis

Jenna Bush's tree of life reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 25th 2001 11:10pm

Should Jenna Bush, the 19-year-old daughter of the president, be in jail? Or at least be arrested? That's a conclusion to be drawn from a recent report in the National Enquirer that asserts she smokes marijuana. After all, some 600,000 Americans are arrested every year for marijuana possession -- including about 13,000 teenage girls. Some would say, of course, that Jenna Bush shouldn't be hassled for allegedly smoking pot, but then maybe nobody else should either. Full article

Links reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 25th 2001 05:10pm

We added an Electro Magnetic Pulse page here which we will try to keep updated. We had previously intended to post the links but had forgotten. Why do you ask? Well there is about 1,500 pages on this site which are all in a bit of disarray at the time, but we're trying to sort them out little by little. Anyways for those who know what EMP is, we hope you find some of our favorite links useful, and for those that don't, and have some time to spare, there are links for newbies, all the way to engineers. Also added is what we hope will be the ultimate resource for Privacy on the Internet, complete with legal information, links to articles, links to free software, payware, etc. Electro Magnetic Pulse Privacy Links

Save the Seals use Viagra reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 25th 2001 04:10am

Seals are being saved by Viagra because the pill has replaced the animal's penis as an oriental sex aid. Powdered male seal genitalia was the preferred remedy for a flagging sex life among billions of men in Asia. Now more and more are turning to Viagra and the trend has resulted in decreasing culls of seals, according to research. The number of seals taken in the world has fallen dramatically. (We thought it was funny) Save a Seal

Hackers steal nuclear codes reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 06:15pm

Hackers from possibly the former Soviet Union may have been responsible for the thefts of French nuclear weapons' code, and are now demanding political asylum in the country of Iraq, while U.S. government officials fear the hackers may target the U.S. next According to unnamed sourcese in the military, as many as 5 hackers broke into computer systems in England, launched attacks to Saudi Arabia, followed by subsequent attacks to computers to China in which they finally commenced illegally and maliciously downloading hundreds of codes for weapons of mass destruction. (NOTE: In case your a complete moron this is a spoof, hint: funny, laugh, bitch, rant, etc.) Hackers steal codes

Monitoring Pedophiles reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

Up to 50 agencies involved in child protection will swap information on child sex abuse. The site, believed to be the first of its kind in Europe, will only be available to those authorised to use it. Dr Andy Bilson, of the Centre for Europe's Children, said: "As well as tackling illegal practices such as the trafficking of children and sex tourism, countries are devising strategies for the prosecution of offenders and developing measures for effectively protecting child victims and witnesses. Well its about time. Also check out EHAP to report pedophilia Pedophile tracking

Codebreakers reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

How Joe Desch, based in Dayton, beat the Nazi code and helped win the war Debbie Anderson knew in the summer of 1986 that time was running out for her 79-year-old father. After a series of small strokes and then a broken hip, Joe Desch, a man of iron independence, was forced to recuperate in a Kettering nursing home. There he took with him the painful secret he had kept coiled inside for most of his life. "He seemed still to be fighting battles that should have been settled years ago," Anderson said. "There were little things that would set him off on tirades." Anderson knew only that her father's pain and anger were tied to the World War II codebreaking research he had done at Dayton's National Cash Register Co. the work that had driven him to a nervous breakdown, but which he had never been able to talk about, not even to explain the Congressional Medal for Merit he had received for his war service. Detailed historical document on Enigma machines, etc.. NCR Codebreakers

OpenPGP attack reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

Finally the draft paper on the attacks on PGP, OpenPGP, etc., has been released. Its extremely bland and definitely not for non techie's, but for those interested in preserving their privacy, crypto, security, its definitely worth a look. We'll keep this post updated as we exect Phil Zimmerman, maybe Bruce Schneier, and other Cypherpunks to address this within the next few days so stay tuned. Visit the site and download your choice of Postscript of PDF file describing the attack on PGP. Attack on Private Keys

Cyberbabble reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

A few friends of mine wanted me to add mentions of something or sites, etc., and a lot of times I get so wrapped up in other I don't have enough time to do it so here goes some sites I've been meaning to add but have been smoking too many Mir space station remains to do so. Linux For Lesbians, finally Linux for dykes! What more could you want from a former Jerry Springer guest. Netflood, I've been honestly meaning to add this site a while back but I get so caught up in watching Pokemon, and watching Big Brother watching me, that I haven't had time. (don't forget to check out my very own interview there as well.) Houston Linux Users Group, at first I was going to add this last year some time, but Texans pissed me off when they got rid of their problems and he became President, so it took me some time to get over it. And finally Herbert Kornfeld, one funny ass mother fscker so I had to post these for kicks.

echo "Spam" | exec jail reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

Rep. Bob Goodlatte does not want you to go to the linked article. The conservative Virginia Republican, who is co-chairman of the Congressional Internet Caucus, hopes to punish the publication or redistribution of columns such as this with a $15,000 fine and up to one year in federal prison. Why? Because the article includes a short Perl program that could be used to spam -- and it seems certain to be banned under a bill that Goodlatte has recently introduced. Personally we couldn't care if spammers went to jail however, jailing someone for posting their thoughts and ideas seems like a violation of constitutional rights. But who the hell are we to expect any level of privacy in the United States. spam spam spam

Dissecting the NSA's SELinux reported by: deran9ed Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

Someone has taken the time to delve deep into the coding of the NSA's version of Linux and offer a summation of it all. The article is short, not so to the point, but its rather nice to see anyone digging into the code at all. Personally we wonder why the NSA and Big Brother released this version of Linux provided every other week they claim how bad hackers all over the world are making it hard for them (Big Brother) to keep tabs on them. Shit they even claim Osama bin Laden has higher technology then they (NSA) do. So why unleash a product (which anyone can download) which can help their enemies? I guess thats the "Enemy of the State" side of my brain writing. SE Linux review

First casualties of Mir reported by: felonius monk Last Modified On:March 24th 2001 05:45pm

Scientists all over the world weren't prepared to assess any of the damages caused by the Russian space station Mir this week, so in an AntiOffline exclusive, we bring you the only known data of the casualties of the Mir space station, what the censors will not show. The article is not for the faint of heart, and investors will likely scramble to save themselves from outrage at the media for not making the public aware of the dangerous situation imposed by architecting the landing of space junk on earth. Space the Final Frontier

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