---
title: He Who Seeks to Save His Life
tags: [Personalism, Bible, Philosophy, Love]
summary: Of all the many difficult sayings of Jesus, one in particular troubles my soul.  He tells us that the one who seeks to save his "psyche" ends up losing it, but the one who loses it ends up finding it.  I argue that this means much more than giving up one's "life" in the final act of death, but rather involves the total and continual gift of one's very self.
banner: vase.jpg
---



Of all the many difficult sayings of Jesus, one in particular troubles my soul.  Versions of it appear in all four gospels (Matthew 16:24--27, Mark 8:34--37, Luke 8:23--25, John 12:24--25), and I have been able to quote it since childhood.  After years of meditation, however, I'm less and less confident that I know what Jesus means.  For the sake of completeness, I will give both the full Greek and my own translation of Matthew's version, which seems to be the most basic, but I will leave untranslated the critical word ψυχή (*psyche*) for reasons that will soon become apparent.  I have indicated the variant readings found in Luke and Mark with footnotes and also included all the source passages in full in an appendix, although the only variant that will really matter for our purposes is the interesting alternative rendering of the last verse found in Luke and the very different version in John.<!--more-->

> Τότε ὁ Ἰησοῦς εἶπεν τοῖς μαθηταῖς αὐτοῦ· εἴ τις θέλει ὀπίσω μου
> ἐλθεῖν, ἀπαρνησάσθω ἑαυτὸν καὶ ἀράτω τὸν σταυρὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ
> ἀκολουθείτω μοι.  ὅς γὰρ ἐὰν θέλῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ σῶσαι ἀπολέσει
> αὐτὴν· ὅς δ' ἄν ἀπολέσῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἕνεκεν ἐμοῦ εὑρήσει
> αὐτήν.  τί γὰρ ὠφεληθήσεται ἄνθρωπος ἐὰν τὸν κόσμον ὅλον κερδήσῃ
> τὴν δὲ ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ζημιωθῇ; ἤ τί δώσει ἄνθρωπος ἀντάλλαγμα τῆς
> ψυχῆς αὐτοῦ;[^ec]

  [^ec]: All Greek text is from the Nestle-Aland 27th edition (Deutsche Bibelgesellschaft, 1994).

> Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If someone wants to come[^e0]
> after me, let him deny[^e8] himself and take up his
> cross[^e6] and follow me. For if anyone[^e9] wants to save his
> ψυχή he will lose it. But if anyone should lose[^ea] his ψυχή for
> my sake,[^e2] he will find[^eb] it.  For what is a man
> profited[^e3] if he should gain the whole cosmos but suffer the
> loss of his ψυχή?  Or what will a man give[^e4] in exchange for
> his ψυχή?"

  [^e0]: Mark has "follow" (ἀκολουθεῖν) instead, while Luke has a different verb for "come" (ἔρχεσθαι).

  [^e8]: Luke has the version of this verb without the prefix (ἀρνησάσθω).

  [^e6]: Luke adds "daily" (καθ' ἡμέραν).

  [^e9]: Luke omits the "if," i.e. "whoever wants..."

  [^ea]: Mark makes this verb future indicative (ἀπολέσει) rather than aorist subjunctive.

  [^e2]: Mark adds "and [that] of the gospel's" (καὶ τοῦ εὐαγγελίου).

  [^eb]: Luke reads "that one will save" (οὗτος σώσει).

  [^e3]: Mark reads, "what does it profit a man" (τί γὰρ ὠφελεῖ ἄνθρωπον) followed by infinitives depending on the active verb rather than the "if" construction.  Luke has a slightly different rendering, which for our purposes may be the only significant variant: "gaining the whole world he loses himself or is lost" (κερδήσας τὸν κόσμον ὅλον ἑαυτὸν δὲ ἀπολέσας ἢ ζήμιωθείς).

  [^e4]: Mark has an aorist subjunctive (δοῖ) rather than future for "give."  Luke lacks this whole sentence.

The central bit that I'm interested in here is the overtly paradoxical claim that someone who wants to save his ψυχή ends up losing it, while the one who loses it ends up saving it.  This paradox must have been so striking to the gospel writers that it occurs separately again in both Matthew (10:39) and Luke (17:33), with slightly different verbs.

As usual, John's version is rather different.  Instead of prefacing the paradoxical saying with the importance of denying oneself and taking up one's cross, John records the memorable image of a grain of wheat "dying" into the ground:

> ἀμὴν ἀμὴν λέγω ὑμῖν, ἐὰν μὴ ὁ κόκκος τοῦ σίτου πεσὼν εἰς τὴν γῆν
> ἀποθάνῃ, αὐτὸς μόνος μένει· ἐὰν δὲ ἀποθάνῃ, πολὺν καρπὸν φέρει.
> ὁ φιλῶν τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἀπολλύει αὐτήν, καὶ ὁ μισῶν τὴν ψυχὴν
> αὐτοῦ ἐν τῷ κόσμῳ τούτῳ εἰς ζωὴν αἰώνιον φυλάξει αὐτήν.

> Truly, truly I say to you, "Unless a grain of wheat, falling into
> the earth, dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much
> fruit.  The one who loves his ψυχή loses it, and the one who
> hates his ψυχή in this cosmos guards it unto eternal life."

Notice also that John's version uses the language of "loving" and "hating" rather than the business verbs of "saving," "losing," "profiting," "gaining," and "suffering loss," although Luke includes, separately, a version of the saying about taking up the cross immediately after the troubling saying that a follower must "hate" his own father, mother, wife, children, brothers, sisters, "and even his own ψυχή" (ἔτι τε καὶ τὴν ψυχὴν ἑαυτοῦ, 14:26).





![]({{ site.baseurl }}/images/OertelGethsemane.jpg)



So much for what I *do* understand: the literal words on the page.  But even coming up with a literal translation of these words is tricky because of the critical word ψυχή.  Although most Greek students will memorize this noun as "soul" on their flashcards, several translations render the word in this context as "life" (KJV, ESV, NASB, NIV, Douay-Rheims).  In fact, I cannot find a single translation that renders the word as "soul" in the central verse.

In some ways, this is reasonable.  In Homer, this word refers to a kind of life-force expressed in the breath or the blood.  When a warrior dies, the ψυχή escapes through the mouth or his wounds.  If we stick to this archaic meaning of the word, trying to "save your ψυχή" might mean desperately clinging onto this present life despite the inevitability of death and "finding it" might refer to the ultimate resurrection on the other side of the grave.  Given that Jesus speaks about taking up the cross just before this in three of the gospels lends further support to this reading.  He might be telling his disciples that if they merely try to stay alive as long as possible, bottling up their life-force-ψυχή, then they will lack the courage to face persecution and martyrdom.  They might deny him in order to save their skins, thereby forfeiting life in the resurrection.  Conversely, those who freely let their ψυχή flow out of their wounds on Roman crosses will recover ψυχή on the Last Day.

We can also read the last verse in this way too, but remarkably many translations (KJV, ESV, NASB, NIV, Douay-Rheims) switch to rendering ψυχή as "soul," even though the whole logic of the passage depends on the identity of what is being discussed.  Consider for a moment, however, what Jesus would be saying if we continue to read ψυχή as "life-force":  "What is a man profited if he should gain the whole cosmos but suffer the loss of his life?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his life?"  There's a simple meaning here.  In order for a person to enjoy anything at all, even the entire universe, he has to be around to enjoy it.  If he's dead, it can't be of any benefit to him.  Hence, it would be completely illogical for a person to trade away his very existence in exchange for something he thinks will benefit him.

There are several problems, however, with understanding ψυχή as mere existence or biological life.

First, and most obviously, the gospel writers didn't speak Homeric Greek.  Ordinary Greek in the first century did preserve many phrases in which ψυχή simply means a person's life (see for example Matthew 2:20).  The archaic meaning of the word had, however, for hundreds of years already, been supplanted my a much more complex set of philosophical and poetic meanings in most circumstances.  Long before Plato and Aristotle, as early as the sixth century, ψυχή comes to mean the higher or concentrated aspect of human personality, superior to the body, and capable of surviving death.  The *Theological Dictrionary of the New Testament* puts it this way:

> In the period around and after 500 B.C. ψυχή is then commonly
> used as an omnibus term for human thought, will and emotion and
> also for the essential core of man which can be separated from
> his body and which does not share in the body's dissolution.
> (s.v. A2)

In Pythagorean and Orphic circles, this immortal concentration of the person, can even be reincarnated in different forms of animal life as reward or punishment for deeds done as a human being.

In the poetic expression of the day, the ψυχή of something is the part that counts, it's inner essence.  For example, Isocrates says that "every government is the soul of a city" (πᾶσα πολιτεία ψυχή πόλεως; *Panathenaicus*, 138), and Aristotle says that "the story is, as it were, the soul of the tragedy" (οἷον ψυχὴ ὁ μῦθος τῆς τραγῳδίας; *Poetics* 1450a).  This is very much like our poetic usage in English as when Shakespeare says, "Brevity is the soul of wit" (*Hamlet* 2.2).

Second, consider the separate instance of our paradox in Matthew 10:38--39.  Just a few verses earlier in the same chapter, Jesus says, "Do not fear the one who destroys the body (σῶμα) but is not able to destroy the ψυχή.  Instead fear the one who is able to destroy both the ψυχή and the body in Gehenna" (10:28).  Notice that here the "destruction" of the ψυχή cannot be so easily understood as the loss of physical life because that is presumably what happens when just the body in destroyed in the first half of the sentence.  Notice too that in this verse there is no hint of a positive redemption on the other side of the ψυχή being destroyed in Gehenna.

Third, and most importantly, consider the variant in Luke that I indicated was the only significant variant for our purposes.  Instead of losing one's soul, Luke speaks of losing one's *self* (ἑαυτὸν ἀπολέσας) clearly understanding this as synonymous with the loss of the ψυχή.  This echoes the language about taking up the cross in all three synoptic authors.  Taking up our cross does not mean the biological death of crucifixion---which may, after all, be purely involuntary and passive as we see with the bad thief on Golgotha---but rather the active and continual effort of denying our very *self* (ἀπαρνησάσθω ἑαυτὸν), which is why, perhaps, Luke adds the phrase "daily."

Although one might think an exhortation to martyrdom and the easy loss of biological life a hard saying enough, I believe Jesus is saying something even more difficult to receive.  The one who seeks to preserve his *very self* ends up losing it, but the one who freely gives his self away ends up finding it.  John's version urges us even to *hate* the self, the core of our very person.

But now the real questions begin.  What does it mean to "lose" or "hate" the self?  At first glance, we might understand this as an exhortation toward radical altruism, a total abnegation of self-interested motives.  Perhaps, even more radically, Jesus is pushing us toward something like a Buddhist extinction of our separable ego-identity.

In place of these appealing surface possibilities, however, we face a frustrating paradox.  The whole exhortation is motivated precisely by a promise of life and profit for the ψυχή.  If I'm supposed to seek to lose my self, why should I want to find it again?  If I heed Christ's warning, aren't I trying to save my self?  And if I do that, aren't I trapped in the very thing he is warning against?  If I truly hate my very self, why should I want to preserve it *forever*? 

The whole exhortation is motivated precisely by an *appeal* to self-interest, and far from envisioning an ultimate ego-death at the pinnacle of spiritual achievement, the saying *presupposes the intrinsic value of the self and the worth of preserving the self in the eschaton*.

We can confirm this reading by appealing to other passages where the destruction of the ψυχή is unmistakably bad *when carried out by others*.  For example, in Mark 3:4 Jesus asks the Pharisees whether it is lawful on the sabbath to do good or to do harm, "to save ψυχή or destroy it," with the implication being that their strict adherence to the sabbath laws would require the destruction of ψυχή by forbidding him to heal a man's shriveled hand (notice that the man's *life* is not at stake).  Christ is hardly urging us, therefore, to go out and try to oppose ψυχή as such, as though the ψυχή itself were something evil.

What is being urged is not the loss of the ψυχή *simpliciter* but the abandonment of a certain *reflexive attitude* toward oneself that thwarts the flourishing of the very thing it seeks to preserve.  A child caught in a Chinese finger-trap naturally wants to escape, but his efforts at escape are the very thing that causes the trap to tighten.  We might instruct the child to relax and not try so hard to pull his fingers out, but this doesn't mean that he should just give up and accept forever his trapped condition.  Instead, he must discover that the only way to pull his fingers *out* is paradoxically to push them *in*.

What, then, does this look like?  In concrete terms, how do I pull my soul out of the Chinese finger-trap of self-seeking---while still being motivated to ultimately "guard it unto eternal life"?  That's what troubles my soul.  I don't know how to hate my ψυχή "in this cosmos," while maintaining it's ultimate value and identity.

I'm pretty sure the right answer is just the one word: "love."  But then again, I don't really understand what this means either.

In the next essay, I will explore a similar range of passages from the New Testament that speak of love as the gift or sacrifice of the ψυχή, and I will similarly argue that "laying down one's life" is not quite an adequate translation.  Perhaps this investigation will bring us closer to answers, but even with all the scholarly questions answered, I'm afraid we will still be left with the existential question, which is perhaps *the* question of life: *How do I give away my ψυχή fully in love?*




## Appendix of Passages ##

> καὶ ὅς οὐ λαμβάνει τὸν σταυρὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ ἀκολουθεῖ ὀπίσω μου, οὐκ
> ἔστιν μου ἄξιος· ὁ εὑρὼν τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἀπολέσει αὐτήν, καὶ ὁ
> ἀπολέσας τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἕνεκεν ἐμοῦ εὑρήσει αὐτήν.

> And he who does not take up his cross and follow after me is not
> worthy of me.  He who finds his ψυχή will lose it, and whoever
> loses his ψυχή for my sake will find it.\
> (Matthew 10:38--39)


> Τότε ὁ Ἰησοῦς εἶπεν τοῖς μαθηταῖς αὐτοῦ· εἴ τις θέλει ὀπίσω μου
> ἐλθεῖν, ἀπαρνησάσθω ἑαυτὸν καὶ ἀράτω τὸν σταυρὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ
> ἀκολουθείτω μοι.  ὅς γὰρ ἐὰν θέλῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ σῶσαι ἀπολέσει
> αὐτὴν· ὅς δ' ἄν ἀπολέσῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἕνεκεν ἐμοῦ εὑρήσει
> αὐτήν.  τί γὰρ ὠφεληθήσεται ἄνθρωπος ἐὰν τὸν κόσμον ὅλον κερδήσῃ
> τὴν δὲ ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ζημιωθῇ; ἤ τί δώσει ἄνθρωπος ἀντάλλαγμα τῆς
> ψυχῆς αὐτοῦ;

> Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If someone wants to come after
> me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For
> if anyone wants to save his ψυχή he will lose it. But if anyone
> should lose his ψυχή for my sake, he will find it.  For what is a
> man profited if he should gain the whole cosmos but suffer the
> loss of his ψυχή?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his
> ψυχή?"\
> (Matthew 16:24--27)


> Καὶ προσκαλεσάμενος τὸν ὄχλον σὺν τοῖς μαθηταῖς αὐτοῦ εἶπεν
> αὐτοῖς· εἴ τις θέλει ὀπίσω μου ἀκολουθεῖν, ἀπαρνησάσθω ἑαυτὸν καὶ
> ἀράτω τὸν σταυρὸν αὐτοῦ καὶ ἀκολουθείτω μοι.  ὅς γὰρ ἐὰν θέλῃ τὴν
> ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ σῶσαι ἀπολέσει αὐτὴν· ὅς δ' ἄν ἀπολέσει τὴν ψυχὴν
> αὐτοῦ ἕνεκεν ἐμοῦ καὶ τοῦ εὐαγγελίου εὑρήσει αὐτήν.  τί γὰρ
> ὠφελεῖ ἄνθρωπον κερδῆσαι τὸν κόσμον ὅλον καὶ ζημιωθῆναι τὴν ψυχὴν
> αὐτοῦ; τί γὰρ δοῖ ἄνθρωπος ἀντάλλαγμα τῆς ψυχῆς αὐτοῦ;

> And calling the crowd together with his disciples he said to
> them, "If someone want to follow after me, let him deny himself
> ἑαυτὸν) and take up his cross and follow me.  For if
> anyone wants to save his ψυχή he will lose it, but if anyone
> loses his ψυχή for my sake and [that] of the gospel's he will
> find it.  For what does it benefit a man to gain the whole cosmos
> and lose his ψυχή?  For what would a man give in exchange for his
> ψυχή?"\
> (Mark 8:34--37)


> Ἔλεγεν δὲ πρὸς πάντας· εἴ τις θέλει ὀπίσω μου ἔρχεσθαι, ἀρνησάσθω
> ἑαυτὸν καὶ ἀράτω τὸν σταυρὸν αὐτοῦ καθ' ἡμέραν καὶ ἀκολουθείτω
> μοι.  ὅς γὰρ ἄν θέλῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ σῶσαι ἀπολέσει αὐτήν· ὅς δ'
> ἂν ἀπολέσῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἕνεκεν ἐμοῦ οὗτος σώσει αὐτήν.  τί γὰρ
> ὠφελεῖται ἄνθρωπος κερδήσας τὸν κόσμον ὅλον ἑαυτὸν δὲ ἀπολέσας ἢ
> ζήμιωθείς;

> And he said to all, "If someone wants to come after me, let him
> deny himself (ἑαυτὸν) and take up his cross daily and follow me.
> For whoever wants to save his ψυχή will lose it, but whoever will
> lose his ψυχή for my sake, that one will save it.  For what is a
> man benefited who gains the whole cosmos but loses himself
> (ἑαυτὸν) or is lost."\
> (Luke 8:23--25)


> ὅς ἐάν ζητήσῃ τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ περιποιήσασθαι ἀπολέσει αὐτήν, ὅς
> δ΄ ἂν ἀπολέσῃ ζῳογονήσει αὐτήν.

> Whoever seeks to save up his ψυχή loses it, but whoever loses
> [it] keeps it alive.\
> (Luke 17:33)


> ἀμὴν ἀμὴν λέγω ὑμῖν, ἐὰν μὴ ὁ κόκκος τοῦ σίτου πεσὼν εἰς τὴν γῆν
> ἀποθάνῃ, αὐτὸς μόνος μένει· ἐὰν δὲ ἀποθάνῃ, πολὺν καρπὸν φέρει.
> ὁ φιλῶν τὴν ψυχὴν αὐτοῦ ἀπολλύει αὐτήν, καὶ ὁ μισῶν τὴν ψυχὴν
> αὐτοῦ ἐν τῷ κόσμῳ τούτῳ εἰς ζωὴν αἰώνιον φυλάξει αὐτήν.

> Truly, truly I say to you, "Unless a grain of wheat, falling into
> the earth, dies, it remains alone, but if it dies, it bears much
> fruit.  The one who loves his ψυχή loses it, and the one who
> hates his ψυχή in this cosmos guards it unto eternal life."\
> (John 12:24--25)