Hmm, this might have been funny, but gee, all of the grammatical typos and
misspellings (I mean, geez, "Captian"!) drove me crazy. Even so, this was
just a rant of Verant's nerfs. I was hoping to see the Star Trek crew
interact with players in Norrath. :-P
---Windleaf
> -----Original Message-----
> From: srutkowski@... [mailto:srutkowski@...]
> Sent: Monday, February 21, 2000 7:15 AM
> To: eqbards@onelist.com
> Subject: [eqbards] Veratn vs. Star Trek (From the Cleric's List)
>
>
> From: srutkowski@...
>
>
> Thought I'd share this little adventure with you all.
>
> Ailamil
>
>
> Captian Kirk- "Captian's Log: Stardate 2134.
> Recently we have encountered a weak transmission from an
> unknown source.
> The
> signal is very primitave in its technology and far to weak to
> decode at
> this
> time. We are entering the Gamma Quadrant in hopes of tracking down the
> source of this mysterious transmission. Kirk out."
> Mr Spock peers into his scope, green light covers the upper
> part of his
> face
> as waves and lines scramble across numorous monitors.
>
> Spock- "Captian, it appears as if this signal is coming from
> a planet in
> the
> Sony system. A small inhospitible planet full of noxious gasses called
> Verant X."
>
> Captian Kirk- "What sort of intelligent life form could live in such a
> place? Mr. Sulu, set up the deflector dish array with an ion
> pulse to help
> pinpoint the transmission source."
>
> Mr Sulu- "Aye Captian."
>
> Lt. Uhura- "Captian, Im getting a much stonger signal now."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Onscreen."
>
> the crew is stunned to see a humanoid life form on the screen
> smiling at
> them all.
>
> Abashi- "Hiya gang! I am Abashi from Verant X!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "We intercepted your signal. Are you in need of
> assistance?"
>
> Abashi- "No, silly. The signal you intercepted, as you so
> quaintly put it,
> God I just love roleplaying, was actually an enhancement to
> your ship we
> were patching to you. You didnt really need to respond."
>
> Captian Kirk- "I dont understand...enhancement? What have you
> done to my
> ship? Shields up! Red alert!"
>
> Abashi- "Oh stop..you dont even know if youll like it or not. We just
> thought that warp speed was a little too unbalancing. The Klingons and
> Romulans dont get to go nearly that fast. Trust me, its only
> a small change
> to your speed. Maybe 10% to 50%."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Scotty! I want a complete report on all warp
> drives. I want
> to know what this fiend has done to us!"
>
> Mr Scott- "Aye Captian"
>
> Abashi- "Oh youre not going to start whining now are you? I
> just hate it
> when people whine."
>
> Mr Spock- "Captian, I am not certian, but it would appear
> that our forward
> shields have been reduced to almost half their normal power."
>
> Captian Kirk- "What??? You, you Abashi being, why are you
> doing this? We
> came to aid you and you attack us?"
>
> Abashi- "Oh gee...you are going to whine now arent you. Well,
> I guess I'll
> just have to call you a whiner then. Whiner!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "Mr Chekov, arm all photon torpedo bays and fire!"
>
> a moment of scilence...
>
> Captian Kirk- "Mr Chekov?? Where is Mr Chekov? What have you done with
> him??"
>
> Abashi- "Oh...well we here at Verant decided that you really
> didnt need
> him.
> All he did really was shoot your guns, so we felt for the
> sake of balance
> that you could live without the extra crewman."
>
> Mr Scott- "Captian..I dont believe my eyes. We left dock with
> a full supply
> of dilithium crystals, and now were down to almost nothing! I dont
> understand what is going on."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Why are you doing this? Who are you really?!?"
>
> Abashi- "I told you, Im Abashi from Verant X. This is my
> leader, Brad."
>
> Brad- "Hi..I hope you like the new improved Enterprise!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "No I...hey, whered he go??"
>
> Abashi- "Oh, hes a very busy guy. He doesnt like to mingle
> with the lesser
> beings."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Ive had enough of this. Mr Spock, form an away
> team. Were
> going down there to meet these _things_ face to face!"
>
> Mr Spock- "Aye Captian."
>
> A few minutes later in the transporter room...
>
> Mr Spock- "Fascinating, it would appear that half of our crew
> has vanished
> without a trace, and the only reasoning for this is the
> Abashi creatures
> word "balance"."
>
> Captian Kirk- "I know Spock...but what does he mean by it?
> What sort of
> balance could he mean?"
>
> Dr McCoy- "Jim, I got here as fast as I could. I had a
> patient that was
> only
> half there and I'll be damaned if all of my tools were missing!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "Everyone put on your gasmasks...Alright Mr
> Scott, beam us
> down."
>
> A shrill sound spurs the machine into action as Kirk, Spock,
> McCoy, and
> three nameless redshirts vanish in a sparkling mist...
>
> Upon materializing onto the Verant X surface loud screams are heard...
>
> Three redshirts- "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHH!!!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "What happened?!?"
>
> Mr Spock- "It would appear that they were instantly killed
> just as they
> materialized onto the surface."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Why? Why are we still alive? I see nothing
> around us that
> would have done this and left us here."
>
> Dr McCoy- "Theyre dead Jim."
>
> The three survivors look around in astonishment at the unforgiving
> surroundings. Craggy rocks jutt out of the surface of the
> planet. Various
> colors of mist and gas swirl around gaping holes. Hissing
> noises and the
> bubbling of super heated liquids are the only sounds...
>
> On a very primitave intercom loud speaker, Abashi's voice
> pierces the men
> like a rusty nail...
>
> Abashi- "Ok guys, how do you like our newest addition to the planet?"
>
> Captian Kirk- "You just killed three of my men damn you!"
>
> Abashi- "Oh dont start whining again please. Just get over
> it..its no big
> deal."
>
> Captian Kirk- "No big deal? Where are you! Come out here and face us!"
>
> ..brief silence...
>
> A sudden whirring noise is heard and McCoys arms vanish from his body,
> *poof*
>
> Captian Kirk- "My God man! What are you doing to us!?!?"
>
> Abashi- "Were making it better. We know what were doing, you
> dont. I wont
> talk to you anymore if you keep insulting me."
>
> Dr McCoy- "Damnit! Im a doctor not a circus freak! How can I
> operate with
> no
> arms? My patience will all die!"
>
> Abashi- "Well, we took away your arms because you were fixing
> everyone too
> easily. BUT...we did give you three extra toes to compensate for it."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Three extra toes?? How is this supposed to
> help him or us?
> Youve killed off half my crew, youve left my ship crippled
> and open to any
> attack! What sort of beings are you??"
>
> Abashi- "I told you to stop telling us what is best for
> you...we know all
> about what is best."
>
> suddenly Mr Spock starts weeping uncontrollably....
>
> Captian Kirk- "What have you done to Spock?!?!"
>
> Abashi- "Nothing...we never touched him. I dont know what
> youre talking
> about, infact I think youre just making it all up so we will give you
> something for free. Your just a whiner!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "Im telling you! Hes a Vulcan, he isnt supposed to cry,
> laugh,
> or have any emotions damn you!"
>
> Abashi- "Oh wait...youre right. We took out his emotions
> because we thought
> that not having any made him too effective under pressure, so now all
> Vulcans will have emotions...but they are only little ones."
>
> Mr Spock is still weeping like a baby, now curled up on the
> ground in a
> fetal position, Dr McCoy is running around bumping into walls because
> shortly after his arms were taken, his eye lids were made to
> only stay open
> for 2 minutes every 24 hours....
>
> Captian Kirk- "Damn you!!!"
>
> Abashi- "I dont know what youre getting all upset about
> really. Its all so
> things will be better from now on. Trust us."
>
> Captian Kirk- "Mr Scott! Beam us up now!"
>
> Mr Scott breaks through on the comlink with a scratchy transmission...
>
> Me Scott- "Captian, Im getting an error from the transporter.
> Its telling
> me
> it cannot beam you up!"
>
> Captian Kirk- "What??? Ok, Abashi...what have you done now??"
>
> Abashi- "Oh, did I forget to tell you?..you need a redshirt
> in your party
> inorder to beam in or out of here."
>
> Captian Kirk- "What?? Our men died as soon as they teleported
> down! How do
> you expect us to get out??"
>
> Abashi- "I know...its quite the challenge isnt it? Heh heh heh."
>
> Mr Spock is still on the ground crying, Dr McCoy has gotten
> his leg stuck
> in
> some sort of crater, and Captian Kirk, sweating profusely yells....
>
> "DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNN YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!!!"
>
> The end?
>
> Zyrixx Daemonix
>
>
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