There are possible spoilers here. Skip if you don't want them. Also told OOC
as I was too frustrated to spice it up. (grin)

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Freeport to Qeynos. Trumpy. Easy Kill. Kaladim. Money. No problem. Wife in
Halas, pick her up and escort her back while I'm there. Two birds, one
stone.

Hrmph.

I'm a bard. I run and run fast. I'm level 17 and can actually travel through
Highpass fairly comfortably. Even stopping for a fight with a Gnoll or Orc
if he's alone and I'm in the mood. If not, I run and run fast. Also, I'm a
bard. I'm poor and I need money. Being the local mailboy just isn't making
up for the price of my combine and my dirk.

I put on my boots, check my supplies, grab my trusty drum and head out of
Freeport on my way to Qeynos. Figured I'd actually time myself to see how
fast I can make the cross country trip. I'm thinking I can do it in 30
minutes or so of real time. Let's see if I'm right. It's now 1:30 in the
afternoon - should be there shortly after 2:00 and be headed home for a late
lunch around 3:00 at a Freeport Inn.

Off we go out the gates.. through the east commons, through the west commons
barely resisting the temptation to stop at the rare full dervish camp that
no other adventurers were killing at and head into Kithicor. Hop the hobbit
hole and continue to the Highpass entrance. Yay, making great time - what a
breeze. Head through Highpass, grab some mail at the Keep (every gold
counts), and head back out to East Karana. Little bit of a stop for the
mail, but no biggie.

As a younger more cautious Bard I would head straight for the water of the
Karana's and follow it all the way to Qeynos Hills. But hey, I'm level 17
and I run fast, I duel wield, I rock. I look at my map and see that I can
make a nearly straight line through the Karana's and probably save a good
amount of time. So off I go.

Wow, there's a lot of Griff's out these days.. Through East Karana I go. I
see a young Shaman trying to run from a Griffawn and figure I could give her
a speed boost.. I invite her into a group. She joins, we run - run fast. Hit
the North Karana zone and make a rude gesture to the Griffawn before zoning.
She thanks me (I twisted Hymn while we were running and healed her) and we
ungroup.

Through North Karana I go. This is almost too easy. And did I mention that
WOW there's a lot of Griff's out these days? I resist the temptation of
hitting South Karana for more mail as it's just too far out of the way and
after all, I'm trying to see how fast I can make the trip.. I hit West
Karana and notice that my easy straight line goes into some mountains. Hrm..
Faster to go around or faster to climb and go straight.. *shrug* Shortest
distance is A to B right? Forward I go.

Stop snickering.

I hit the mountains going due west. (Go west young bard!) I see some Bandits
that are all green to me. Bah, I'd love the loot but no time this trip. I
skirt around them and keep going. Nifty looking mountains these are.. I come
over a ridge and see a little temple. Aw, how cute. Ogres.

Stop laughing at me.

I con them all and they're all Amiable to me. Hrm.. what did I ever do for
them? Odd. Ok, this is where I admittedly made a really bad use of common
sense. Instead of making a wide path around them, I figured since they were
amiable to me I could just run right by and wave as I did it. After all,
they like me right?

*ahem*

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

I didn't see who hit me. I didn't see what damage they did. I was simply
slain. No dropping of the health bar. Just slain.

Freeport. Yay. *sigh* Normally I don't bother myself with buying a spare
drum but this time, my corpse is farther than it's ever been lost before. I
run to the bank, grab some money, run to the guild (yay, same zone) and grab
a drum and off I go. My trip to the point where my corpse is was a little
more nervous - but uneventful. Ah, there it is. My lonely body. At the edge
of the Ogre camp between two white rock thingies - and of course, two
Amiable conning Ogres.

Trying to figure out why they attacked me I make a circle around the temple
making sure to con everything there. Ah, there it is. Chief Dooga.
Threateningly. How rude. Oh well, no time to ask him what his problem is,
gotta get my corpse. I inch my way down while bashing on my /corpse hot key
when all the sudden the Ogre's notice me. Without thinking I turned and ran
hoping maybe I'd just lead them far enough away then go in a circle back to
the temple and /corpse my body along to the zone border or something. How
fast can big Ogre's run anyway? Took a little damage this time, but still
alive and running. Hit F9 a couple times to see how far behind me they are
and notice something.. "Chief Dooga's Pet" is on my tail - and closing fast.
What an Ogre has a wolf for, I don't know. I run fast..

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

...not fast enough. Freeport. Yay. Again. So much for making the trip in
good time. Another drum, and a few platinum from the bank this time. I'm
going to have to pay someone to help me or to make me invisible. Run back to
my corpse, again. There it is. I have no idea where my other "drum holding"
corpse is, but that's of no concern to me right now. Drums are cheap and I
gots a song.. I yell out for assistance and get a few replies. Tell them my
sad story and they're helpful as Nun's.. until they hear where my body is.
"Oh, sorry - I uh, I have to go get dinner. Good luck though!"

Finally, someone offers to cast Invisibility on me. Yay! I'm invisible! I
had to go to them, so now I'm kind turned around. Start up the Locating song
and poof. I'm visible again. How rude. Beg for another invisibility spell
while still facing the direction the song pointed me in and started a
running.. no selo's. How slow. Poor non-bards of the world.

There's my corpse. Yay, found it. I hit F9 a few times, yup - still
invisible. Start inching my way down towards my corpse while bashing my
/corpse key.. Yay! "Pulling your corpse" message.. Apparently, Ogres don't
like to see moving corpses. They start running towards the only thing they
can see. The corpse. I turn to run again (don't see the pet) all the while
bashing that /corpse key..

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

.."You do not have any corpses in this zone"

*sigh* Freeport. Again. Did I mention that I had originally planned on
making this as fast of a trip as possible? Ok, ANOTHER drum and back to my
corpse. My lord, the number of Griff's increases the number of times you run
through the Karana's. At no time did I have less than two in my visible
window no matter which way I looked. Anyway, back to my corpse which is now
far enough away from the Ogre's to loot. BAH! Two bandits standing right
next to it having a tea party. *sigh* Wait. Bandits finally start running..
towards me. I run out of their way and they run by. *phew* Go to my corpse,
pull it even farther away just to be safe and loot it. Loot the other
corpse. Go find my third corpse. Yay. 4 drums. Curse the Ogre's and head to
Qeynos.

Arrive at Qeynos at around 5:30. So much for speed timing. Pick up some mail
then head over to the bar to see Trumpy. Give him the phrase that pays and
this time he doesn't go anywhere. Instead his goons come after me, thus
causing the bouncer to come after me. Goons green, bouncer red. I run, run
fast. I zone. Well that stinks. I can't get Trumpy out of the bar anymore. I
go back, zoned and forgotten and watch someone else pull Trumpy out of the
bar. Silly high elf, attacked Trumpy only 10 steps from the bar. Silly high
elf killed Trumpy then died. Checked where high elf was, and noticed he
wasn't in Qeynos anymore Toto. What the heck, feel kind of low for doing it,
but I'll wait here and just get the head from the dead Trumpy. I right click
on Trumpy's corpse a few times and WHACK! Multiple hits in the back from the
bouncer. I start to run, but down to only 1 bubble of health - don't run
very fast..

LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

Freeport. *sigh* Yes. I should have gotten bound. No, I didn't get bound. To
the bank, to the guild, FAR around the Ogre camp we go. Wife loots corpse in
Qeynos (except two mailbags of course), we meet in North Karana and run home
to Freeport. Running fast. With 5 drums and no Trumpy body parts and no
mail.

Moral of the story? The faster you try to make a trip, the longer it'll take
you and the less money you'll make. And did I mention how incredibly high
the griff count is lately?