Why be difficult when, with a bit of effort, you could be impossible?
Americans are people who insist on living in the present, tense.
My Aunt MAUREEN was a military advisor to IKE & TINA TURNER!!
Test-tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
He who hoots with owls by night cannot soar with eagles by day.
You never go anywhere without your soul.
Never insult an alligator until you've crossed the river.
Employees must wash hands before returning to work.
Your mode of life will be changed to ASCII.
Two is company, three is an orgy.
If food be the music of love, eat up, eat up.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore."
Were these parsnips CORRECTLY MARINATED in TACO SAUCE?
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.
If you continually give you will continually have.
The more things change, the more they stay insane.
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.
I want to reach your mind -- where is it currently located?
He who minds his own business is never unemployed.
Those who don't know, talk.  Those who don't talk, know.
You must be present to win.
A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun.
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it.
Don't feed the bats tonight.
Travel important today;  Internal Revenue men arrive tomorrow.
Vote for ME -- I'm well-tapered, half-cocked, ill-conceived and TAX-DEFERRED!
If at first you fricasee, fry, fry again.
To love is good, love being difficult.
"I'd love to go out with you, but the last time I went out, I never came back."
The odds are a million to one against your being one in a million.
Real Programmers don't eat quiche.  They eat Twinkies and Szechwan food.
You are sick, twisted and perverted.  I like that in a person.
Happiness is a hard disk.
Love IS what it's cracked up to be.
A sadist is a masochist who follows the Golden Rule.
This fortune intentionally says nothing.
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
-- Owen Meredith
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
While supplies last.
Do you like "TENDER VITTLES"?
Is this going to involve RAW human ecstasy?
You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.
There *__is* no such thing as a civil engineer.
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
Watch all-night Donna Reed reruns until your mind resembles oatmeal.
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
One Bell System - it used to work before they installed the Dimension!
DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD, UNTIE!
You buttered your bread, now lie in it.
Knowledge without common sense is folly.
Today is the first day of the rest of your lossage.
Moebius always does it on the same side.
I'm hungry, time to eat lunch.
Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health.
"I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!"
Good leaders being scarce, following yourself is allowed.
The meek shall inherit the Earth.  (But they're gonna have to fight for it.)
Don't kiss an elephant on the lips today.
America's best buy for a quarter is a telephone call to the right person.
Are you mentally here at Pizza Hut??
Don't get even -- get odd!
If at first you don't succeed, you are running about average.
"To vacillate or not to vacillate, that is the question ... or is it?"
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
He thinks by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
Your program is sick!  Shoot it and put it out of its memory.
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
You teach best what you most need to learn.
Nobody ever died from oven crude poisoning.
<Knghtbrd> Subject: [GR PROPOSAL] Should we vote on trivial matters?
You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.
Words must be weighed, not counted.
Overflow on /dev/null, please empty the bit bucket.
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
Sell by date stamped on bottom.
Do I have a lifestyle yet?
I wish you humans would leave me alone.
This week only, all our fiber-fill jackets are marked down!
Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.
God must have loved calories, she made so many of them.
Debug is human, de-fix divine.
<calc> Knghtbrd: irc doesn't compile c code very well ;)
This Fortune Examined By INSPECTOR NO. 2-14
Someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
Paranoid Club meeting this Friday.  Now ... just try to find out where!
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Center meeting at 4pm in 2C-543.
The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us will go to the stars.
Actually, what I'd like is a little toy spaceship!!
Nostalgia is living life in the past lane.
Remember, drive defensively! And of course, the best defense is a good offense!
In which level of metalanguage are you now speaking?
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.
Everywhere I look I see NEGATIVITY and ASPHALT ...
I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
Dyslexics have more fnu.
When a fly lands on the ceiling, does it do a half roll or a half loop?
Kirk to Enterprise -- beam down yeoman Rand and a six-pack.
<lilo> I've always wanted to have a web site with a big picture of a carrot on it
No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
This fortune is encrypted -- get your decoder rings ready!
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
One good suit is worth a thousand resumes.
This fortune is false.
I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less.
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
The system will be down for 10 days for preventive maintenance.
An Irishman is never at peace except when he's fighting.
Most of your faults are not your fault.
Ring around the collar.
Ego sum ens omnipotens.
If God is dead, who will save the Queen?
You can observe a lot just by watching.  -- Yogi Berra
Sanitized for your protection.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only.
For large values of one, one equals two, for small values of two.
Today is what happened to yesterday.
There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.
A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).
Keep refrigerated.
Get Revenge!  Live long enough to be a problem for your children!
Conquering Russia should be done steppe by steppe.
Go on, EMOTE!  I was RAISED on thought balloons!!
I am deeply CONCERNED and I want something GOOD for BREAKFAST!
You might have mail.
** MAXIMUM TERMINALS ACTIVE.  TRY AGAIN LATER **
The Osmonds!  You are all Osmonds!!  Throwing up on a freeway at dawn!!!
The secret of healthy hitchhiking is to eat junk food.
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
Excellent day for drinking heavily.  Spike the office water cooler.
There are three kinds of people: men, women, and unix.
Equal bytes for women.
It's never too late to have a happy childhood.
I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
This fortune intentionally not included.
There *__is* intelligent life on Earth, but I leave for Texas on Monday.
Youth.  It's a wonder that anyone ever outgrows it.
Peter's hungry, time to eat lunch.
Whoever dies with the most toys wins.
The best things in life are for a fee.
Workers of the world, arise!  You have nothing to lose but your chairs.
Ignore previous fortune.
Preserve the old, but know the new.
Fortunate is he for whom the belle toils.
No Canadian coins.
Eloquence is logic on fire.
To be or not to be, that is the bottom line.
Science is what happens when preconception meets verification.
I will never lie to you.
Misuse may cause suffocation.
Visit beautiful Vergas, Minnesota.
"The Schizophrenic: An Unauthorized Autobiography"
The person who marries for money usually earns every penny of it.
To err is human -- to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Succumb to natural tendencies.  Be hateful and boring.
Expedience is the best teacher.
I'm continually AMAZED at th'breathtaking effects of WIND EROSION!!
Ships are safe in harbor, but they were never meant to stay there.
Inside, I'm already SOBBING!
Life is knowing how far to go without crossing the line.
Memory fault -- brain fried
Prices higher in Alaska and Hawaii.
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
You'll be called to a post requiring ability in handling groups of people.
What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do.
Bo Derek ruined my life!
It's not the inital skirt length, it's the upcreep.
Life is both difficult and time-consuming.
* * * * * THIS TERMINAL IS IN USE * * * * *
<JHM> Being overloaded is the sign of a true Debian maintainer.
Bus error -- please leave by the rear door.
Famous last words:
Keep out of reach of children.
I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure.
You never know how many friends you have until you rent a house on the beach.
I will not forget you.
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
Many people are unenthusiastic about your work.
Everyone writes on the walls except me. -Said to be graffiti seen in Pompeii
We make our mailing list available to selected organizations.
/earth: file system full.
When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.
The life of a repo man is always intense.
Will stain.
There are running jobs.  Why don't you go chase them?
At participating locations only.
Some don't prefer the pursuit of happiness to the happiness of pursuit.
A watched clock never boils.
A university faculty is 500 egotists with a common parking problem.
Trouble always comes at the wrong time.
If God had intended Man to program, we'd be born with serial I/O ports.
We can predict everything, except the future.
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
I had pancake makeup for brunch!
The early worm gets the bird.
What GOOD is a CARDBOARD suitcase ANYWAY?
Good night, Austin, Texas, wherever you are!
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
You enjoy the company of other people.
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
In God we trust; all else we walk through.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.
He who is known as an early riser need not get up until noon.
Biz is better.
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample bottles ...
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
Do people know you have freckles everywhere?
Now I understand the meaning of "THE MOD SQUAD"!
Put no trust in cryptic comments.
Even a blind pig stumbles upon a few acorns.
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Don't speak about Time, until you have spoken to him.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Absence makes the heart go wander.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.
Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it.
We are all dying -- and we're gonna be dead for a long time.
There is no such thing as fortune.  Try again.
Can anyone remember when the times were not hard, and money not scarce?
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
Any program which runs right is obsolete.
Man's reach must exceed his grasp, for why else the heavens?
Badges?  We don't need no stinking badges.
Beer & Pretzels -- Breakfast of Champions.
Wedding rings are the world's smallest handcuffs.
I'm not proud.
If it's worth hacking on well, it's worth hacking on for money.
There's one fool at least in every married couple.
In the war of wits, he's unarmed.
If you flaunt it, expect to have it trashed.
First pull up, then pull down.
You will be misunderstood by everyone.
Many people write memos to tell you they have nothing to say.
Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
Santa Claus is watching!
Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food.
To the landlord belongs the doorknobs.
<Crow_> hmm, is there a --now-dammit option for exim?
Death before dishonor.  But neither before breakfast.
Body by Nautilus, Brain by Mattel.
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
(null cookie; hope that's ok)
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.
We are what we are.
Didn't I buy a 1951 Packard from you last March in Cairo?
My haircut is totally traditional!
Falling rock.
Excellent day for putting Slinkies on an escalator.
You ain't learning nothing when you're talking.
In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.
"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"
The universe is all a spin-off of the Big Bang.
Be cautious in your daily affairs.
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
"Gee, Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore."
Old age is too high a price to pay for maturity.
Keep away from fire or flame.
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.
The Celts invented two things, Whiskey and self-destruction.
Man who falls in blast furnace is certain to feel overwrought.
Positively no smoking.
In Christianity, a man may have only one wife.  This is called Monotony.
As seen on TV.
Money is its own reward.
If you're happy, you're successful.
"I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives."
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money.
Be careful!  UGLY strikes 9 out of 10!
Success is getting what you want; happiness is wanting what you get.
He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
A woman's place is in the house... and in the Senate.
A pencil with no point needs no eraser.
Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
Think honk if you're a telepath.
A fool and your money are soon partners.
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves rather than not speak of ourselves at all.
You are magnetic in your bearing.
Error in operator: add beer
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
A year spent in artificial intelligence is enough to make one believe in God.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
Package sold by weight, not volume.
Whip it, whip it good!
Lemmings don't grow older, they just die.
Don't relax!  It's only your tension that's holding you together.
You will be married within a year, and divorced within two.
Neutrinos are into physicists.
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
In Denver it is unlawful to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
Did I say 2?  I lied.
If we all work together, we can totally disrupt the system.
Where am I?  Who am I?  Am I?  I
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
My mind is a potato field ...
Are we THERE yet?  My MIND is a SUBMARINE!!
Please, won't somebody tell me what diddie-wa-diddie means?
I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.
To be who one is, is not to be someone else.
You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
No man is an island if he's on at least one mailing list.
"But don't you worry, its for a cause -- feeding global corporations' paws."
The bigger the theory the better.
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
That's what she said.
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast.
Your code should be more efficient!
The strong give up and move away, while the weak give up and stay.
Hey, waiter!  I want a NEW SHIRT and a PONY TAIL with lemon sauce!
Your boss is a few sandwiches short of a picnic.
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
Celebrity voices impersonated.
For off-road use only.
He's just like Capistrano, always ready for a few swallows.
System restarting, wait...
If it ain't baroque, don't phiques it.
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
Style may not be the answer, but at least it's a workable alternative.
You dialed 5483.
Science may someday discover what faith has always known.
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
My face is new, my license is expired, and I'm under a doctor's care!!!!
Let's not complicate our relationship by trying to communicate with each other.
You've been leading a dog's life.  Stay off the furniture.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Heisenberg might have been here.
Just when you thought you were winning the rat race, along comes a faster rat!!
The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.
It seems to make an auto driver mad if he misses you.
Support your right to arm bears!!
I enjoy the time that we spend together.
Will it improve my CASH FLOW?
Dead?	No excuse for laying off work.
Youth is the trustee of posterity.
It occurred to me lately that nothing has occurred to me lately.
People are like onions -- you cut them up, and they make you cry.
The bland leadeth the bland and they both shall fall into the kitsch.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
Pyros of the world... IGNITE !!!
How kind of you to be willing to live someone's life for them.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
Include me out.
It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so a girl doesn't lose her confidence.
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old houseboy ...
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
Some restrictions may apply.
Use in well-ventilated area.
White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship.
Sacred cows make great hamburgers.
Be different: conform.
What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
They also surf who only stand on waves.
Somehow, the world always affects you more than you affect it.
Do not pick the flowers.
Are you ever going to do the dishes?  Or will you change your major to biology?
Never leave anything to chance; make sure all your crimes are premeditated.
Ever wonder if taxation without representation might have been cheaper?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
It was all so different before everything changed.
People are beginning to notice you.  Try dressing before you leave the house.
sillema sillema nika su
This unit... must... survive.
Murphy was an optimist.
Real Programmers think better when playing Adventure or Rogue.
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
<``Erik> 18,446,744,073,709,551,616 is a big number
How come we never talk anymore?
<wiggy> in a stunning new move I actually tested this upload
Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Stamp out philately.
There are no winners in life, only survivors.
If you have to hate, hate gently.
Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are.
Beer -- it's not just for breakfast anymore.
The world is coming to an end.  Please log off.
The rose of yore is but a name, mere names are left to us.
It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.
Protect from light.
Promise her anything, but give her Exxon unleaded.
I want EARS!  I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n secure!!
Allow 6 to 8 weeks for delivery.
Some people only open up to tell you that they're closed.
A well-known friend is a treasure.
Living your life is a task so difficult, it has never been attempted before.
Everything that you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
Don't have good ideas if you aren't willing to be responsible for them.
Message from Our Sponsor on ttyTV at 13:58 ...
I'd rather push my Harley than ride a rice burner.
Usage: fortune -P [-f] -a [xsz] Q: file [rKe9] -v6[+] file1 ...
Pound for pound, the amoeba is the most vicious animal on earth.
Vanilla wafer.
The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.
<n3tg0d> has /usr/bin/emacs been put into /etc/shells yet?  :P
When this load is DONE I think I'll wash it AGAIN ...
Drilling for oil is boring.
What a COINCIDENCE!  I'm an authorized "SNOOTS OF THE STARS" dealer!!
A career is great, but you can't run your fingers through its hair.
Question authority.
In a bottle, the neck is always at the top.
Do not incinerate: contents under pressure.
Happiness isn't having what you want, it's wanting what you have.
How can you work when the system's so crowded?
The world is coming to an end--save your buffers!
Do more than anyone expects, and pretty soon everyone will expect more.
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
You can only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Reality always seems harsher in the early morning.
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all alike.
Remember: use logout to logout.
Do not dry clean.
UNIX is many things to many people, but it's never been everything to anybody.
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
Where there's a will, there's a relative.
It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.
Programmers do it bit by bit.
A mouse is an elephant built by the Japanese.
Polymer physicists are into chains.
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
I have a very good DENTAL PLAN.  Thank you.
You love peace.
Happiness is the greatest good.
For internal use only.
The world is not octal despite DEC.
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
In Oz, never say "krizzle kroo" to a Woozy.
Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
I invented skydiving in 1989!
The decision doesn't have to be logical; it was unanimous.
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
Eating chocolate is like being in love without the aggravation.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
No passing zone.
If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught.
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
Tuesday After Lunch is the cosmic time of the week.
All this time I've been VIEWING a RUSSIAN MIDGET SODOMIZE a HOUSECAT!
try again
The bogosity meter just pegged.
Take it easy, we're in a hurry.
Nothing is ever a total loss; it can always serve as a bad example.
We are each only one drop in a great ocean -- but some of the drops sparkle!
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac; you can always take something for it.
Do not drink coffee in early A.M.  It will keep you awake until noon.
Normal times may possibly be over forever.
Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!!  I wonder why?
Tempt me with a spoon!
If you think before you speak the other guy gets his joke in first.
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
You can't judge a book by the way it wears its hair.
The bug starts here.
Returns for store credit only.
This fortune is inoperative.  Please try another.
Usage: fortune -P [] -a [xsz] [Q: [file]] [rKe9] -v6[+] dataspec ... inputdir
A man's best friend is his dogma.
FOOLED you!  Absorb EGO SHATTERING impulse rays, polyester poltroon!!
A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong!
Function reject.
Without ice cream life and fame are meaningless.
Do not use or store near heat or open flame.
This sentence does in fact not have the property it claims not to have.
For external use only.
If it's Tuesday, this must be someone else's fortune.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we diet.
Do not clog intellect's sluices with bits of knowledge of questionable uses.
Every silver lining has a cloud around it.
Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water.
Who are you?
Women are just like men, only different.
It's hard not to like a man of many qualities, even if most of them are bad.
A bird in the bush usually has a friend in there with him.
You will gain money by an illegal action.
Clones are people two.
You will become rich and famous unless you don't.
God made the world in six days, and was arrested on the seventh.
I predict that today will be remembered until tomorrow!
I am a jelly donut.  I am a jelly donut.
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.
You can't cheat the phone company.
You will be married within a year.
It is better to kiss an avocado than to get in a fight with an aardvark.
If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything.
Two wrights don't make a rong, they make an airplane.  Or bicycles.
Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door."
This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
There are only two kinds of tequila.  Good and better.
NEVER swerve to hit a lawyer riding a bicycle -- it might be your bicycle.
* Culus fears perl - the language with optional errors
... the heat come 'round and busted me for smiling on a cloudy day.
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
Danger: do not shake.
May I ask a question?
You can't hurt me!!  I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
Walk softly and carry a BFG-9000.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Love America -- or give it back.
I wouldn't marry her with a ten foot pole.
Even a cabbage may look at a king.
No animals were injured.
There are two kinds of egotists: 1) Those who admit it  2) The rest of us
May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits.
No user-servicable parts inside.  Refer to qualified service personnel.
Whom the gods would destroy, they first teach BASIC.
... with liberty and justice for all ... who can afford it.
Are we live or on tape?
Someone will try to honk your nose today.
<|Rain|> #define struct union /* great space saver */
The moon may be smaller than Earth, but it's further away.
What this country needs is a good five cent ANYTHING!
Learning at some schools is like drinking from a firehose.
Your business will go through a period of considerable expansion.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
Monitor not included.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk!
Cum tacent, clamant. When they are silent, they shout. -Cicero
Depart in pieces, i.e., split.
A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about.
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
Speak softly and carry a +6 two-handed sword.
One planet is all you get.
Is it clean in other dimensions?
You are false data.
There Is No Cabal.
Don't vote -- it only encourages them!
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
We can defeat gravity.  The problem is the paperwork involved.
All celebrity voices impersonated.
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
Hire the morally handicapped.
He who laughs last is probably your boss.
Pournelle must die!
Another megabytes the dust.
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch yours.
The second best policy is dishonesty.
Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
Lady Luck brings added income today.  Lady friend takes it away tonight.
You will soon forget this.
A rock store eventually closed down; they were taking too much for granite.
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
You're not Dave.  Who are you?
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is unattainable.
I'm dressing up in an ill-fitting IVY-LEAGUE SUIT!!  Too late...
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to school.
The best way to avoid responsibility is to say, "I've got responsibilities."
Make a wish, it might come true.
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
We just joined the civil hair patrol!
We all like praise, but a hike in our pay is the best kind of ways.
Everyone's in a high place when you're on your knees.
We'll pivot at warp 2 and bring all tubes to bear, Mr. Sulu!
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
There are no emotional victims, only volunteers.
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
PUNK ROCK!!  DISCO DUCK!!  BIRTH CONTROL!!
Go directly to jail.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.
Total strangers need love, too; and I'm stranger than most.
PURGE COMPLETE.
Exact change only.
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
We'll know that rock is dead when you have to get a degree to work in it.
A man paints with his brains and not with his hands.
Tax and title extra.
Do not drink and drive.
Statistics means never having to say you're certain.
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
Available while quantities last.
The Official Colorado State Vegetable is now the "state legislator".
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
People who take cold baths never have rheumatism, but they have cold baths.
We are all born equal... just some of us are more equal than others.
Boycott meat -- suck your thumb.
The longer the title, the less important the job.
Alright, you!!  Imitate a WOUNDED SEAL pleading for a PARKING SPACE!!
I cannot draw a cart, nor eat dried oats; If it be man's work I will do it.
The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
The absent ones are always at fault.
Smile!  You're on Candid Camera.
He who hesitates is last.
The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch.
I'm totally DESPONDENT over the LIBYAN situation and the price of CHICKEN ...
Connection reset by some moron with a backhoe
HUGH BEAUMONT died in 1982!!
All true wisdom is found on T-shirts.
Preserve wildlife -- pickle a squirrel today!
When the cup is full, carry it level.
He who foresees calamities suffers them twice over.
Have a nice day!
Driver does not carry cash.
Save yourself!  Reboot in 5 seconds!
Did you move a lot of KOREAN STEAK KNIVES this trip, Dingy?
Love -- the last of the serious diseases of childhood.
God isn't dead.  He just doesn't want to get involved.
You're already carrying the sphere!
A Fortran compiler is the hobgoblin of little minis.
Beam me up, Scotty!  It ate my phaser!
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN.
Take everything in stride.  Trample anyone who gets in your way.
Some people carve careers, others chisel them.
A long memory is the most subversive idea in America.
does your DRESSING ROOM have enough ASPARAGUS?
The difference between a career and a job is about 20 hours a week.
I've noticed several design suggestions in your code.
You will never know hunger.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
Thank god!! ... It's HENNY YOUNGMAN!!
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Please come again.
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
Pardon me while I laugh.
In space, no one can hear you fart.
Don't plan any hasty moves.  You'll be evicted soon anyway.
If Machiavelli were a programmer, he'd have worked for AT&T.
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
Better to be nouveau than never to have been riche at all.
Make it myself?  But I'm a physical organic chemist!
Love your enemies: they'll go crazy trying to figure out what you're up to.
What garlic is to food, insanity is to art.
Your lucky color has faded.
It's time to boot, do your boot ROMs know where your disk controllers are?
You can drive a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Are we running light with overbyte?
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Yow!  I want to mail a bronzed artichoke to Nicaragua!
Might not be suitable for persons suffering from weak hearts.
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
Power is poison.
Two percent of zero is almost nothing.
This will be a memorable month -- no matter how hard you try to forget it.
Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves.
This is not an offer to sell securities.
Colors may fade.
40 isn't old.  If you're a tree.
Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.
Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery.
World War III?  No thanks!
Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.
Advice from an old carpenter: measure twice, saw once.
In specially marked packages only.
I am NOMAD!
Don't get mad, get interest.
If things don't improve soon, you'd better ask them to stop helping you.
Quick, sing me the BUDAPEST NATIONAL ANTHEM!!
I'm ANN LANDERS!!  I can SHOPLIFT!!
Is something VIOLENT going to happen to a GARBAGE CAN?
I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ...
Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
That secret you've been guarding, isn't.
The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy.
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.
PEGGY FLEMMING is stealing BASKET BALLS to feed the babies in VERMONT.
You feel a whole lot more like you do now than you did when you used to.
Kilroe hic erat!
What's all this brouhaha?
I was born in a Hostess Cupcake factory before the sexual revolution!
Never trust anybody whose arm is bigger than your leg.
I'm wearing PAMPERS!!
He who laughs last hasn't been told the terrible truth.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
Basic is a high level languish.  APL is a high level anguish.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
"How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows."
You will be divorced within a year.
A mushroom cloud has no silver lining.
I don't remember it, but I have it written down.
This is a good time to punt work.
O.K., fine.
I had a lease on an OEDIPUS COMPLEX back in '81 ...
Domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Simulated picture.
Power is the finest token of affection.
Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.
Bell Labs Unix -- Reach out and grep someone.
Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries.
Behind every successful man you'll find a woman with nothing to wear.
When all other means of communication fail, try words.
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
A couch is as good as a chair.
I joined scientology at a garage sale!!
The best defense against logic is ignorance.
You're using a keyboard!  How quaint!
Lawful Dungeon Master -- and they're MY laws!
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
There's a lot to be said for not saying a lot.
Have a nice diurnal anomaly.
I'd rather be led to hell than managed to heaven.
Revenge is a form of nostalgia.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing more eggs.
To be is to program.
There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.
If someone says he will do something "without fail", he won't.
You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.
I'm not available for comment..
You will be surrounded by luxury.
Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"?
Start the day with a smile.  After that you can be your nasty old self again.
With listening comes wisdom, with speaking repentance.
That which is not good for the swarm, neither is it good for the bee.
This is National Non-Dairy Creamer Week.
Really??  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!
We were so poor that we thought new clothes meant someone had died.
Your good nature will bring unbounded happiness.
<Culus> there is 150 meg in the /tmp dir! DEAR LORD
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
The world is coming to an end ... SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
Avoid contact with skin.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy and repetition.
If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
Help me, I'm a prisoner in a Fortune cookie file!
The reward for working hard is more hard work.
Sometimes you get an almost irresistible urge to go on living.
Custer committed Siouxicide.
Reactor error - core dumped!
<Espy> I invoke Espy's law, which states that you all suck :P
Give him an evasive answer.
Sign here without admitting guilt.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
((lambda (foo) (bar foo)) (baz))
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.
Your fault -- core dumped
Aliquid melius quam pessimum optimum non est.
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme caution.
Do not worry about which side your bread is buttered on: you eat BOTH sides.
When a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far!
"Life is like a buffet; it's not good but there's plenty of it."
Ever feel like life was a game and you had the wrong instruction book?
Minimum charge for booths.
I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground.
Don't confuse things that need action with those that take care of themselves.
Better living a beggar than buried an emperor.
One picture is worth 128K words.
I've got a bad feeling about this.
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
If this fortune didn't exist, somebody would have invented it.
The days are all empty and the nights are unreal.
Stay the curse.
Here there be tygers.
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
Keep your laws off my body!
Shading within a garment may occur.
Elevators smell different to midgets.
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
You are fighting for survival in your own sweet and gentle way.
You're not an alcoholic unless you go to the meetings.
BE ALERT!!!! (The world needs more lerts...)
The Unixverse ends on Tue, 19 Jan 2038 03:14:07 +0000
NEWARK has been REZONED!!  DES MOINES has been REZONED!!
<markm> c++: the power, elegance and simplicity of a hand grenade
Most seminars have a happy ending.  Everyone's glad when they're over.
A modem is a baudy house.
I feel sorry for your brain... all alone in that great big head...
You are lost in the Swamps of Despair.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
American by birth; Texan by the grace of God.
Life is like an analogy.
Formatted to fit your screen.
The Martian Canals were clearly the Martian's last ditch effort!
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
If you don't do the things that are not worth doing, who will?
You look tired.
As famous as the unknown soldier.
Where do you think you're going today?
Lack of capability is usually disguised by lack of interest.
Put your best foot forward.  Or just call in and say you're sick.
Sorry never means having your say to love.
Please remain seated until the ride has come to a complete stop.
Message will arrive in the mail.  Destroy, before the FBI sees it.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Good day for overcoming obstacles.  Try a steeplechase.
No stopping or standing.
<Knghtbrd> xtifr - beware of james when he's off his medication  =>
The worst is enemy of the bad.
There's only one everything.
Beauty, brains, availability, personality; pick any two.
-- I have seen the FUN --
## Signoff: insurgent (razzin' frazzin' motherfu... stupid directx...)
Illegally parked cars will be towed at owner's expense.
/earth is 98% full ... please delete anyone you can.
Ban the bomb.  Save the world for conventional warfare.
I used to be an agnostic, but now I'm not so sure.
God gives us relatives; thank goodness we can chose our friends.
Your object is to save the world, while still leading a pleasant life.
I know you're in search of yourself, I just haven't seen you anywhere.
May you have many handsome and obedient sons.
Post office will not deliver without proper postage.
To give of yourself, you must first know yourself.
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
Show night or time may vary in your market.
Whoever would lie usefully should lie seldom.
May your SO always know when you need a hug.
Happiness makes up in height what it lacks in length.
Courage is your greatest present need.
There is no statute of limitations on stupidity.
Keep America beautiful.  Swallow your beer cans.
Is there life before breakfast?
BE ALOOF!  (There has been a recent population explosion of lerts.)
Am I SHOPLIFTING?
for ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING!!
If only I could be respected without having to be respectable.
No guts, no glory.
<Oryn> anyone know if there is a version of dpkg for redhat?
Feel disillusioned?  I've got some great new illusions, right here!
When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to guarantee them.
Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
Hindsight is an exact science.
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming dragon.
Halley's Comet: It came, we saw, we drank.
Vax Vobiscum
This is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.  And now you know why.
Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
Those who can, do; those who can't, simulate.
A clash of doctrine is not a disaster -- it is an opportunity.
Check here if tax deductible.
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
Overdrawn?  But I still have checks left!
If you have to think twice about it, you're wrong.
People who make no mistakes do not usually make anything.
Are we on STRIKE yet?
With YOU, I can be MYSELF ...  We don't NEED Dan Rather ...
The program isn't debugged until the last user is dead.
The first condition of immortality is death. -Stanislaw Lec
Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.
Heisenberg may have slept here...
In the next world, you're on your own.
Got a dictionary?  I want to know the meaning of life.
Pay toll ahead.
Why do we have two eyes?  To watch 3-D movies with.
Accent on helpful side of your nature.  Drain the moat.
I never did it that way before.
Save gas, don't use the shell.
Multics is security spelled sideways.
Who's on first?
Your love life will be... interesting.
UFOs are for real: the Air Force doesn't exist.
Keep out of the sunlight.
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered."
Dull women have immaculate homes.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they have.
One way to make your old car run better is to look up the price of a new model.
Down with categorical imperative!
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be SHOT AGAIN!
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
Laugh when you can; cry when you must.
Try `stty 0' -- it works much better.
It's hard to be humble when you're perfect.
Cobol programmers are down in the dumps.
Your mileage may vary.
You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
This fortune would be seven words long if it were six words shorter.
It takes a smart husband to have the last word and not use it.
I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of purge."
How come only your friends step on your new white sneakers?
"We don't care.  We don't have to.  We're the Phone Company."
The only thing worse than X Windows: (X Windows) - X
Yow!  And then we could sit on the hoods of cars at stop lights!
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
Birthdays are like busses, never the number you want.
I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE --
Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion.
You have a massage (from the Swedish prime minister).
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over.
Agree with them now, it will save so much time.
Surprise due today.  Also the rent.
Does a one-legged duck swim in a circle?
I'm young ... I'm HEALTHY ... I can HIKE THRU CAPT GROGAN'S LUMBAR REGIONS!
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
Offer may end without notice.
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please see Big Brother.
A shapely CATHOLIC SCHOOLGIRL is FIDGETING inside my costume..
An INK-LING?  Sure -- TAKE one!!  Did you BUY any COMMUNIST UNIFORMS??
Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.
Measure with a micrometer.  Mark with chalk.  Cut with an axe.
He is considered a most graceful speaker who can say nothing in the most words.
Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree.
Do not think by infection, catching an opinion like a cold.
How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers.
Art is the tree of life.  Science is the tree of death.
Please read the prospectus carefully before you invest or send money.
No alcohol, dogs or horses.
There is no substitute for good manners, except, perhaps, fast reflexes.
The Moral Majority is neither.
Why do so many foods come packaged in plastic?  It's quite uncanny.
Ah, sweet Springtime, when a young man lightly turns his fancy over!
Real Users never use the Help key.
Screw up your courage!  You've screwed up everything else.
If you don't know what game you're playing, don't ask what the score is.
Of course you have a purpose -- to find a purpose.
You'll never be the man your mother was!
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Turn off engine while fueling.
Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
Use a pun, go to jail.
Of course there's no reason for it, it's just our policy.
If you give a man enough rope, he'll claim he's tied up at the office.
Hedonist for hire... no job too easy!
Computer Science is merely the post-Turing decline in formal systems theory.
Assume a virtue, if you have it not.  -William Shakespeare
New systems generate new problems.
Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life.
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Causes moderate eye irritation.
How much net work could a network work, if a network could net work?
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
I never take work home with me; I always leave it in some bar along the way.
A subversive is anyone who can out-argue their government.
You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
Prices subject to change without notice.
When all else fails, EAT!!!
<Overfiend> penis jokes are okay in mixed company.  VMS is NOT!!!
Success is a journey, not a destination.
My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
Ship it.
Do you guys know we just passed thru a BLACK HOLE in space?
There is very little future in being right when your boss is wrong.
Have you reconsidered a computer career?
Green light in A.M. for new projects.  Red light in P.M. for traffic tickets.
It's the RINSE CYCLE!!  They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
It was Penguin lust... at its ugliest.
<Flood> can I write a unix-like kernel in perl?
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Thank God I'm an atheist.
The moss on the tree does not fear the talons of the hawk.
I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space ...
A hermit is a deserter from the army of humanity.
Times approximate.
I marvel at the strength of human weakness.
Being a mime means never having to say you're sorry.
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is true.
Everything you know is wrong!
God isn't dead, he just couldn't find a parking place.
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
When you dial a wrong number you never get a busy signal.
For adult education nothing beats children.
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper.
Love is never asking why?
Shut off engine before fueling.
Be sociable. Speak to the person next to you in the unemployment line tomorrow.
fortune: not found
Boy, that crayon sure did hurt!
The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none.
No use getting too involved in life -- you're only here for a limited time.
Experiments must be reproducible; they should all fail in the same way.
Genius is ten percent inspiration and fifty percent capital gains.
A soft drink turneth away company.
How's the wife?  Is she at home enjoying capitalism?
Save energy: be apathetic.
If you fail to plan, plan to fail.
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art.
Behold the warranty -- the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
Everybody gets free BORSCHT!
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth in motion.
Flattery will get you everywhere.
What sin has not been committed in the name of efficiency?
Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods.
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
Home on the Range was originally written in beef-flat.
Wow!  Look!!  A stray meatball!!  Let's interview it!
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
"They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them!"
There is no distinction between any AI program and some existent game.
Do not attempt this in your home.
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with none.
God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now!
When among apes, one must play the ape.
Every day it's the same thing -- variety.  I want something different.
She has an alarm clock and a phone that don't ring -- they applaud.
Welcome to the Zoo!
Show respect for age.  Drink good Scotch for a change.
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
You're definitely on their list.  The question to ask next is what list it is.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Store in a cool place.
The whole of life is futile unless you consider it as a sporting proposition.
Restaurant package, not for resale.
You have junk mail.
Metermaids eat their young.
All things being equal, you are bound to lose.
Academicians care, that's who.
There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for.
Life is just a bowl of cherries, but why do I always get the pits?
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
Poverty begins at home.
Time sure flies when you don't know what you're doing.
The Korean War must have been fun.
Logic is the chastity belt of the mind!
Too ripped.  Gotta go.
I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here.
All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
Alcoholics Anonymous is when you get to drink under someone else's name.
Invest in physics -- own a piece of Dirac!
INSIDE, I have the same personality disorder as LUCY RICARDO!!
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Is a computer language with goto's totally Wirth-less?
Nobody ever ruined their eyesight by looking at the bright side of something.
<wiggy> bwah, vodka in my mouse
I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!
I'm also pre-POURED pre-MEDITATED and pre-RAPHAELITE!!
Time sharing: The use of many people by the computer.
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
Support Mental Health.  Or I'll kill you.
The meek will inherit the earth -- if that's OK with you.
Keep away from edge.
Absence makes the heart grow frantic.
Why is everything made of Lycra Spandex?
Will this never-ending series of PLEASURABLE EVENTS never cease?
Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties.
You had mail.  Paul read it, so ask him what it said.
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
This report is filled with omissions.
fortune: cannot execute.  Out of cookies.
I like the way ONLY their mouths move ...  They look like DYING OYSTERS
Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
Not exactly as shown.
Fly me away to the bright side of the moon ...
Marriage is a romance in which the hero dies in the first chapter.
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Don't hit me!!  I'm in the Twilight Zone!!!
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
Life is a POPULARITY CONTEST!  I'm REFRESHINGLY CANDID!!
A penny saved is a penny taxed.
Somewhere in DOWNTOWN BURBANK a prostitute is OVERCOOKING a LAMB CHOP!!
"Speed is subsittute fo accurancy."
I have become me without my consent.
<Overfiend> this is the New Overfiend, preacher of Love and Tolerance
Women who want to be equal to men lack imagination.
We have DIFFERENT amounts of HAIR --
Look out!  Behind you!
The state law of Pennsylvania prohibits singing in the bathtub.
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
Buck-passing usually turns out to be a boomerang.
Desist from enumerating your fowl prior to their emergence from the shell.
Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.
An ounce of clear truth is worth a pound of obfuscation.
I'm encased in the lining of a pure pork sausage!!
* Espy ponders an uplad queue called 'hell' so I can do dupload --to hell
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
I'm rated PG-34!!
If you don't drink it, someone else will.
You have taken yourself too seriously.
I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.
Never ask the barber if you need a haircut.
Xerox does it again and again and again and ...
VMS is like a nightmare about RXS-11M.
If the thunder don't get you, then the lightning will.
Immanuel Kant but Kubla Khan.
I've only got 12 cards.
Despite all appearances, your boss is a thinking, feeling, human being.
While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several.
UH-OH!!  We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
Postmen never die, they just lose their zip.
<Knghtbrd> 2fort5 sucks enough to have its own gravity ...
You may be recognized soon.  Hide.
Byte your tongue.
Think of it!  With VLSI we can pack 100 ENIACs in 1 sq. cm.!
Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
Who is John Galt?
HAIR TONICS, please!!
If a 'train station' is where a train stops, what's a 'workstation'?
HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
Teachers have class.
Government lies, and newspapers lie, but in a democracy they are different lies.
To avoid suffocation, keep away from children.
In 1750 Issac Newton became discouraged when he fell up a flight of stairs.
Take an astronaut to launch.
We read to say that we have read.
If a train station is a place where a train stops, what's a workstation?
Chihuahuas drive me crazy.  I can't stand anything that shivers when it's warm.
Never play pool with anyone named "Fats".
Do Miami a favor.  When you leave, take someone with you.
Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd.
He who steps on others to reach the top has good balance.
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
Only two groups of people fall for flattery -- men and women.
I just forgot my whole philosophy of life!!!
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
There's just something I don't like about Virginia; the state.
The meek don't want it.
Memory fault - where am I?
Remember, even if you win the rat race -- you're still a rat.
Some marriages are made in heaven -- but so are thunder and lightning.
Surly to bed, surly to rise, makes you about average.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
God save us from a bad neighbor and a beginner on the fiddle.
What ever happened to happily ever after?
... the flaw that makes perfection perfect.
Every time I lose weight, it finds me again!
The people rule.
Keep this and all chemicals out of the reach of children.
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come first.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.
Never reveal your best argument.
All intelligent species own cats.
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
You are a very redundant person, that's what kind of person you are.
Some bachelors want a meaningful overnight relationship.
Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
Be independent.  Insult a rich relative today.
I'm having an emotional outburst!!
An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett-Majors for her money.
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
Sank heaven for leetle curls.
One thought driven home is better than three left on base.
Read terms and conditions.
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
Excellent time to become a missing person.
"I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV."
Serving suggestion.
Slow day.  Practice crawling.
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
The bug stops here.
Do unto others before they undo you.
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
The trouble with a lot of self-made men is that they worship their creator.
Punning is the worst vice, and there's no vice versa.
Real Users hate Real Programmers.
fortune: No such file or directory
Yow!  Am I in Milwaukee?
Stop ahead.
"I don't think so," said Ren'e Descartes.  Just then, he vanished.
I'm shaving!!  I'M SHAVING!!
I don't want to bore you, but there's nobody else around for me to bore.
<Mercury> At that point it will compile, but segfault, as it should..
When you were born, a big chance was taken for you.
So much food; so little time!
WHO sees a BEACH BUNNY sobbing on a SHAG RUG?!
Bones: "The man's DEAD, Jim!"
I can resist anything but temptation.
IOT trap -- core dumped
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
Victory or defeat!
You are not dead yet.  But watch for further reports.
Promising costs nothing, it's the delivering that kills you.
Look!  A ladder!  Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
As President I have to go vacuum my coin collection!
She's so tough she won't take 'yes' for an answer.
If God had intended Men to Smoke, He would have put Chimneys in their Heads.
The time for action is past!  Now is the time for senseless bickering.
Delta: A real man lands where he wants to.   -- David Letterman
Garbage In, Gospel Out
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
Where's the Coke machine?  Tell me a joke!!
Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
He's just a politician trying to save both his faces...
MS-DOS must die!
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
The secret of happiness is total disregard of everybody.
The more I know men the more I like my horse.
Stupidity is its own reward.
It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles.
Above all else -- sky.
List was current at time of printing.
It is very difficult to prophesy, especially when it pertains to the future.
Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.
The biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has occurred.
"You can't make a program without broken egos."
Yow!  I just went below the poverty line!
No man is an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
In case of atomic attack, all work rules will be temporarily suspended.
A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle.
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.
Neither spread the germs of gossip nor encourage others to do so.
He who laughs last -- missed the punch line.
Many are called, few are chosen.  Fewer still get to do the choosing.
You can't fall off the floor.
panic: can't find /
For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
So you're back... about time...
Dyslexia means never having to say that you're ysror.
The horror... the horror!
Somewhere, just out of sight, the unicorns are gathering.
"Our vision is to speed up time, eventually eliminating it." -- Alex Schure
The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
NANCY!!  Why is everything RED?!
Nobody knows the trouble I've been.
No other warranty expressed or implied.
When people say nothing, they don't necessarily mean nothing.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Beat your son every day; you may not know why, but he will.
Do YOU have redeeming social value?
Most people's favorite way to end a game is by winning.
Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled.
Reapply as necessary.
I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.
Go 'way!  You're bothering me!
I'm proud of my humility.
Help fight continental drift.
People don't change; they only become more so.
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
<SirDibos> does Johnie Ingram hang out here on IRC?
Dealer prices may vary.
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
A fool and his honey are soon parted.
Closed weekends and holidays.
Stop searching forever.  Happiness is just next to you.
BASIC is the Computer Science equivalent of `Scientific Creationism'.
Editing is a rewording activity.
* UNIX is a Trademark of Bell Laboratories.
1 1 was a race-horse, 2 2 was 1 2. When 1 1 1 1 race, 2 2 1 1 2.
Stay on the trail.
The star of riches is shining upon you.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions.
Try the Moo Shu Pork.  It is especially good today.
Two cars in every pot and a chicken in every garage.
I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
I'm into SOFTWARE!
Keep on keepin' on.
Help stamp out Mickey-Mouse computer interfaces -- Menus are for Restaurants!
Why is it taking so long for her to bring out all the good in you?
When pleasure remains, does it remain a pleasure?
You will wish you hadn't.
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
Why would anyone want to be called "Later"?
Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings.
To teach is to learn.
When you're dining out and you suspect something's wrong, you're probably right.
Other restrictions may apply.
Learn from other people's mistakes, you don't have time to make your own.
You will forget that you ever knew me.
RHAPSODY in Glue!
Scientists will study your brain to learn more about your distant cousin, Man.
I never liked you, and I always will. -Samuel Goldwyn
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won't.
People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations.
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
Use the Force, Luke.
The best laid plans of mice and men are held up in the legal department.
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
The things that interest people most are usually none of their business.
A log may float in a river, but that does not make it a crocodile.
You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.
From concentrate.
You will meet an important person who will help you advance professionally.
Etiquette is for those with no breeding; fashion for those with no taste.
Torque is cheap.
All work and no pay makes a housewife.
I have the power to HALT PRODUCTION on all TEENAGE SEX COMEDIES!!
I hope something GOOD came in the mail today so I have a REASON to live!!
I'm gliding over a NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP near ATLANTA, Georgia!!
Dry clean only.
Fat people of the world unite, we've got nothing to lose!
Call for details.
Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
MMM-MM!!  So THIS is BIO-NEBULATION!
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
I thought YOU silenced the guard!
If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If puns were deli meat, this would be the wurst.
I'm also against BODY-SURFING!!
I'm a fuschia bowling ball somewhere in Brittany
This dungeon is owned and operated by Frobozz Magic Co., Ltd.
For every vision there is an equal and opposite revision.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
(null cookie; hope that's ok)
Am I elected yet?
Rarely do people communicate; they just take turns talking.
Holiday and other blackout periods apply.
"Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense."
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
No foreign coins.
Single tasking: Just Say No.
How much does she love you?  Less than you'll ever know.
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
Spock: The odds of surviving another attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Slippery when wet.
Man has never reconciled himself to the ten commandments.
Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.
Klatu barada nikto.
HOST SYSTEM NOT RESPONDING, PROBABLY DOWN. DO YOU WANT TO WAIT? (Y/N)
According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Better hope you get what you want before you stop wanting it.
Every path has its puddle.
Sex is like air.  It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
The only way to amuse some people is to slip and fall on an icy pavement.
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Troglodytism does not necessarily imply a low cultural level.
You can't hug a child with nuclear arms.
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
If it heals good, say it.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
Keep cool.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery.
Made with real ingredients.
I am having FUN...  I wonder if it's NET FUN or GROSS FUN?
Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die.
Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink?
When you get your PH.D. will you get able to work at BURGER KING?
Honk if you hate bumper stickers that say "Honk if ..."
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
We all know that no one understands anything that isn't funny.
/usr/news/gotcha
Beware of the man who knows the answer before he understands the question.
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
FROZEN ENTREES may be flung by members of opposing SWANSON SECTS ...
All that glitters is not gold; all that wander are not lost.
Truth is hard to find and harder to obscure.
Yow!  I'm having a quadrophonic sensation of two winos alone in a steel mill!
We'll cross that bridge when we come back to it later.
Air is water with holes in it.
Fat Liberation: because a waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Evil isn't all bad.
Marriage causes dating problems.
Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
Beware of geeks bearing graft.
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
Do not remove tag under penalty of law.
I'm not an Iranian!!  I voted for Dianne Feinstein!!
Necessity is a mother.
Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.
Always remember that you are unique.  Just like everyone else.
The devil finds work for idle glands.
If this is a service economy, why is the service so bad?
When we talk of tomorrow, the gods laugh.
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
Like punning, programming is a play on words.
Your aim is high and to the right.
There's always free cheese in a mousetrap.
We're overpaying him, but he's worth it. -Samuel Goldwyn
The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle.
My mind is making ashtrays in Dayton ...
As Zeus said to Narcissus, "Watch yourself."
Vitamin C deficiency is apauling.
You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks.
This bag is recyclable.
Backed up the system lately?
He who has but four and spends five has no need for a wallet.
Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
One good turn usually gets most of the blanket.
Results are not typical.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
Sorry.  Nice try.
Eschew obfuscation.
I saw what you did and I know who you are.
Try to be the best of whatever you are, even if what you are is no good.
An apple a day makes 365 apples a year.
Avoid cliches like the plague.  They're a dime a dozen.
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
You will triumph over your enemy.
Sailors in ships, sail on!  Even while we died, others rode out the storm.
Imitation is the sincerest form of plagiarism.
How untasteful can you get?
Remember, in 2039, MOUSSE & PASTA will be available ONLY by prescription!!
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
Make headway at work.  Continue to let things deteriorate at home.
"I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night."
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
<sangr> home is where the highest bandwidth is
It isn't easy being a Friday kind of person in a Monday kind of world.
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
"He don't know me vewy well, DO he?"   -- Bugs Bunny
Not responsible for lost or stolen articles.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Hackers of the world, unite!
No passes accepted for this engagement.
There's no heavier burden than a great potential.
You're working under a slight handicap.  You happen to be human.
All things are possible, except for skiing through a revolving door.
In Newark the laundromats are open 24 hours a day!
All of life is a blur of Republicans and meat!
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Federal law prohibits dispensing without a prescription.
Fortune favors the lucky.
Professional driver on closed track.
The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again.
Freedom from incrustation of grime is contiguous to rectitude.
It's better to burn out than to fade away.
Sales tax applies.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
It is better to have loved and lost than just to have lost.
Frankfort, Kentucky, makes it against the law to shoot off a policeman's tie.
Deflector shields just came on, Captain.
<kira> is a surgical war where you go give the foreign troops nose jobs?
I am covered with pure vegetable oil and I am writing a best seller!
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time.
He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.
Laugh, and the world ignores you.  Crying doesn't help either.
The last person who said that (God rest his soul) lived to regret it.
MOUNT TAPE U1439 ON B3, NO RING
"One Architecture, One OS" also translates as "One Egg, One Basket".
Well thaaaaaaat's okay.
Don't tell any big lies today.  Small ones can be just as effective.
Encyclopedia for sale by father.  Son knows everything.
Our houseplants have a good sense of humous.
The unfacts, did we have them, are too imprecisely few to warrant our certitude.
The girl who stoops to conquer usually wears a low-cut dress.
Logic is a little bird, sitting in a tree; that smells *_____awful*.
Matrimony isn't a word, it's a sentence.
<_Anarchy_> Argh.. who's handing out the paper bags  8)
VMS must die!
HOORAY, Ronald!!  Now YOU can marry LINDA RONSTADT too!!
I wish I was a sex-starved manicurist found dead in the Bronx!!
To see you is to sympathize.
I am the wandering glitch -- catch me if you can.
"Never underestimate the power of a small tactical nuclear weapon."
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
There's got to be more to life than compile-and-go.
A little pain never hurt anyone.
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
But Captain -- the engines can't take this much longer!
The first version always gets thrown away.
Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings.
Never pay a compliment as if expecting a receipt.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
Just to have it is enough.
HUMAN REPLICAS are inserted into VATS of NUTRITIONAL YEAST ...
You will be audited by the Internal Revenue Service.
<zarkov> "NT 5.0.  All the bugs and ten times the code size!"
Who will take care of the world after you're gone?
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
When in doubt, lead trump.
Trying to establish voice contact ... please ____yell into keyboard.
I'm not a level-headed person...        -- Bruce Perens
The other line moves faster.
When does later become never?
You will be successful in love.
And do you think (fop that I am) that I could be the Scarlet Pumpernickel?
If you want to put yourself on the map, publish your own map.
When you live in a sick society, just about everything you do is wrong.
Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
You will pioneer the first Martian colony.
Are the STEWED PRUNES still in the HAIR DRYER?
To be awake is to be alive.  -- Henry David Thoreau, in "Walden"
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Be prepared to accept sacrifices.  Vestal virgins aren't all that bad.
OK, so you're a Ph.D.  Just don't touch anything.
Beware of dog.
* lilo hereby declares OPN a virtual pain in the ass :)
Beware of computerized fortune-tellers!
"All these black people are screwing up my democracy." - Ian Smith
I am a computer. I am dumber than any human and smarter than any administrator.
<Marticus> There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Semper Fi, dude.
Learned men are the cisterns of knowledge, not the fountainheads.
Love isn't only blind, it's also deaf, dumb, and stupid.
I own seven-eighths of all the artists in downtown Burbank!
An Italian is COMBING his hair in suburban DES MOINES!
A kid'll eat the middle of an Oreo, eventually.
I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
He who spends a storm beneath a tree, takes life with a grain of TNT.
Lake Erie died for your sins.
You were s'posed to laugh!
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
History repeats itself only if one does not listen the first time.
Security check: INTRUDER ALERT!
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
The future lies ahead.
You mean you don't want to watch WRESTLING from ATLANTA?
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Anger kills as surely as the other vices.
cancellation charge.
To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
Please recycle.
Mother told me to be good but she's been wrong before.
It's not the fall that kills you, it's the landing.
The clash of ideas is the sound of freedom.
Bigamy is having one spouse too many.  Monogamy is the same.
Absence makes the heart forget.
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an idiot.
A nasty looking dwarf throws a knife at you.
Weekend, where are you?
System going down at 5 this afternoon to install scheduler bug.
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On.
For the next hour, WE will control all that you see and hear.
It is difficult to legislate morality in the absence of moral legislators.
See store for details.
You've been Berkeley'ed!
I have a VISION!  It's a RANCID double-FISHWICH on an ENRICHED BUN!!
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
Very few profundities can be expressed in less than 80 characters.
Limited time offer, call now to ensure prompt delivery.
I've been there.
The only thing better than love is milk.
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
Keep grandma off the streets -- legalize bingo.
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
Gravity brings me down.
Warp 7 -- It's a law we can live with.
If you are honest because honesty is the best policy, your honesty is corrupt.
Never frighten a small man -- he'll kill you.
The reader this message encounters not failing to understand is cursed.
Replace with same type.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert!
I didn't know he was dead; I thought he was British.
Onward through the fog.
Eat drink and be merry!  Tommorrow you may be in Utah.
grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
I'm a GENIUS!  I want to dispute sentence structure with SUSAN SONTAG!!
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
Yow!  Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
If we were meant to get up early, God would have created us with alarm clocks.
And now for something completely different.
Pardon this fortune.  Database under reconstruction.
It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.
La-dee-dee, la-dee-dah.
One meets his destiny often on the road he takes to avoid it.
For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
<Teller> where am I and what am I doing in this handbasket?
Life can be so tragic -- you're here today and here tomorrow.
Blow it out your ear.
You should go home.
Where does it go when you flush?
f u cn rd ths, itn tyg h myxbl cd.
Don't make a big deal out of everything; just deal with everything.
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.
A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness.
Enjoy yourself while you're still old.
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
All right, you degenerates!  I want this place evacuated in 20 seconds!
hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub, HUBUB, hubub, hubub, hubub.
A pretty woman can do anything; an ugly woman must do everything.
How you look depends on where you go.
Save the Whales -- Harpoon a Honda.
Blame Saint Andreas -- it's all his fault.
A man's house is his hassle.
For some reason, this fortune reminds everyone of Marvin Zelkowitz.
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.
"But I don't like Spam!!!!"
You get along very well with everyone except animals and people.
I distinctly remember forgetting that. -Clara Barton
I appoint you ambassador to Fantasy Island!!!
Experience is what causes a person to make new mistakes instead of old ones.
You are going to have a new love affair.
Out of the mouths of babes does often come cereal.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
He that would govern others, first should be the master of himself.
They took some of the Van Goghs, most of the jewels, and all of the Chivas!
A song in time is worth a dime.
One person's error is another person's data.
Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.
Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me.
I'm wet!  I'm wild!
My CODE of ETHICS is vacationing at famed SCHROON LAKE in upstate New York!!
If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will.
Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
I'm not laughing with you, I'm laughing at you.
It's hard to think of you as the end result of millions of years of evolution.
Never get into fights with ugly people because they have nothing to lose.
Your own mileage may vary.
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
You will be Told about it Tomorrow.  Go Home and Prepare Thyself.
Expect the worst, it's the least you can do.
I'm not offering myself as an example; every life evolves by its own laws.
Flee at once, all is discovered.
FORCE YOURSELF TO RELAX!
You can't take damsel here now.
He who lives without folly is less wise than he believes.
Sinners can repent, but stupid is forever.
<Knghtbrd> I can think of lots of people who need USER=ID10T someplace!
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
You're at the end of the road again.
The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
OVER the underpass!  UNDER the overpass!  Around the FUTURE and BEYOND REPAIR!!
My vaseline is RUNNING...
Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay?
Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
A man with 3 wings and a dictionary is cousin to the turkey.
My parents went to Niagara Falls and all I got was this crummy life.
Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Fame may be fleeting but obscurity is forever.
Be a better psychiatrist and the world will beat a psychopath to your door.
Procrastination means never having to say you're sorry.
Parting is such sweet sorrow. -William Shakespeare
You will have a head crash on your private pack.
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
If redness or swelling develop, consult physician promptly.
Brain off-line, please wait.
There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.
No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.
Some stirring may be necessary to achieve proper consistency.
I don't get no respect.
Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
A company is known by the men it keeps.
Last week's pet, this week's special.
The surest sign that a man is in love is when he divorces his wife.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
Void where prohibited by law.
Uncompensated overtime?  Just Say No.
Don't smoke the next cigarette.  Repeat.
We are not anticipating any emergencies.
I didn't order any WOO-WOO ... Maybe a YUBBA ... But no WOO-WOO!
Natural laws have no pity.
Love is not enough, but it sure helps.
Alimony is the high cost of leaving.
Sleep is for the weak and sickly.
Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.
<Addi> Alter.net seems to have replaced one of its router with a zucchini.
Don't drink when you drive -- you might hit a bump and spill it.
Tagline, you're it!
Yow!  Am I having fun yet?
If God had a beard, he'd be a UNIX programmer.
Why don't you pair `em up in threes? -Yogi Berra
May be too intense for some viewers.
Genius is the talent of a person who is dead.
You are the only person to ever get this message.
Do not use if foil seal is broken.
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
If you drink, don't park.  Accidents make people.
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
An evil mind is a great comfort.
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
Portions not affecting outcome have been edited for broadcast.
Power corrupts.  And atomic power corrupts atomically.
Pardon me, but do you know what it means to be TRULY ONE with your BOOTH!
Neutrinos have bad breadth.
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
Slang is language that takes off its coat, spits on its hands, and goes to work.
Steal this tagline.  I did.
Give them RADAR-GUIDED SKEE-BALL LANES and VELVEETA BURRITOS!!
If you are what you eat, does that mean Euell Gibbons really was a nut?
An air of FRENCH FRIES permeates my nostrils!!
It's been a business doing pleasure with you.
TONY RANDALL!  Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
Minnie Mouse is a slow maze learner.
Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry Bonzo??
Don't mind him; politicians always sound like that.
Never trust a child farther than you can throw it.
Yow!  Now we can become alcoholics!
I'm definitely not in Omaha!
Reading is thinking with someone else's head instead of one's own.
It is impossible for an optimist to be pleasantly surprised.
Your reasoning is excellent -- it's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
<hoponpop> my program works if i take out the bugs.
If you are going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
You auto buy now.
There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.
Where do your SOCKS go when you lose them in th' WASHER?
I want to kill everyone here with a cute colorful Hydrogen Bomb!!
"I found out why my car was humming.  It had forgotten the words."
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as pure pleasure; some anxiety always goes with it.
Your step will soil many countries.
Don't shoot until you're sure you both aren't on the same side.
The man on tops walks a lonely street; the "chain" of command is often a noose.
Please go away.
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
Many people are unenthusiastic about their work.
Yow!  Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
Check your local listings.
Used with permission.
I have a TINY BOWL in my HEAD
The San Diego Freeway.  Official Parking Lot of the 1984 Olympics!
I have a terrible headache,  I was putting on toilet water and the lid fell.
"If we were meant to fly, we wouldn't keep losing our luggage."
<Manoj> I *like* the chicken
Be incomprehensible.  If they can't understand, they can't disagree.
People respond to people who respond.
Don't kid yourself.  Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever.
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%?
I just had a NOSE JOB!!
What I want is all of the power and none of the responsibility.
Not SENSUOUS ... only "FROLICSOME" ... and in need of DENTAL WORK ... in PAIN!!!
Good day to avoid cops.  Crawl to work.
Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
... I see TOILET SEATS ...
"If value corrupts then absolute value corrupts absolutely."
I'll give you a definite maybe. -Samuel Goldwyn
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
Never eat anything bigger than your head.
One size fits all.
Smear the road with a runner!!
Place stamp here.
<Culus> Saens demonstrates no less than 3 tcp/ip bugs in 2.2.3
Close cover before striking.
Some people need a good imaginary cure for their painful imaginary ailment.
The early bird gets the coffee left over from the night before.
Hey, wait a minute!!  I want a divorce!! ... you're not Clint Eastwood!!
It's ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
Life's too short to dance with ugly women.
Stop me, before I kill again!
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
No matter where I go, the place is always called "here".
Uh-oh!!  I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
We don't really understand it, so we'll give it to the programmers.
Given sufficient time, what you put off doing today will get done by itself.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy people?
Sometimes the best medicine is to stop taking something.
Man who sleep in beer keg wake up sticky.
Your business will assume vast proportions.
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
Yow!  It's a hole all the way to downtown Burbank!
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
There is no grief which time does not lessen and soften.
You will lose an important disk file.
The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Since aerosols are forbidden, the police are using roll-on Mace!
Don't worry -- the brontosaurus is slow, stupid, and placid.
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
I don't wish to appear overly inquisitive, but are you still alive?
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
Things worth having are worth cheating for.
The important thing to remember about walking on eggs is not to hop.
Wisdom is rarely found on the best-seller list.
I am more bored than you could ever possibly be.  Go back to work.
Visit beautiful Wisconsin Dells.
Do not flush.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Make sure your code does nothing gracefully.
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
It's the thought, if any, that counts!
In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
Scintillation is not always identification for an auric substance.
I think, therefore I am... I think.
I'm EMOTIONAL now because I have MERCHANDISING CLOUT!!
Prevent forest fires.
Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on.
What the gods would destroy they first submit to an IEEE standards committee.
Condense soup, not books!
McDonald's -- Because you're worth it.
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
Fast, cheap, good: pick two.
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you save.
RELATIVES!!
But Officer, I stopped for the last one, and it was green!
Logic is a pretty flower that smells bad.
Oh yeah?  Well, I remember when sex was dirty and the air was clean.
If you think the system is working, ask someone who's waiting for a prompt.
... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
What PROGRAM are they watching?
The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.
Don't ever slam a door; you might want to go back.
One FISHWICH coming up!!
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
F u cn rd ths u cnt spl wrth a dm!
A lie in time saves nine.
I like your game but we have to change the rules.
Your financial institution may impose additional fees and charges.
Use at own risk.
Our business is run on trust.  We trust you will pay in advance.
MY income is ALL disposable!
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
panic: kernel trap (ignored)
Duckies are fun!
No motorized vehicles allowed.
The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.
All power corrupts, but we need electricity.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
If a listener nods his head when you're explaining your program, wake him up.
It's difficult to see the picture when you are inside the frame.
Not recommended for children.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
Prerecorded for this time zone.
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
"No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid."
Truth can wait; he's used to it.
Do you think the "Monkees" should get gas on odd or even days?
What does "it" mean in the sentence "What time is it?"?
Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity.
The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut.
No lifeguard on duty.
Happiness adds and multiplies as we divide it with others.
If I have not seen so far it is because I stood in giant's footsteps.
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
Work smarter, not harder, and be careful of your speling.
A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
Dr. Jekyll had something to Hyde.
These PRESERVES should be FORCE-FED to PENTAGON OFFICIALS!!
Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
I disagree with unanimity.
DIDI ... is that a MARTIAN name, or, are we in ISRAEL?
YOU PICKED KARL MALDEN'S NOSE!!
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Violence is a sword that has no handle -- you have to hold the blade.
The reason they're called wisdom teeth is that the experience makes you wise.
You must dine in our cafeteria.  You can eat dirt cheap there!!!!
Go climb a gravity well!
No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
May you die in bed at 95, shot by a jealous spouse.
Two heads are more numerous than one.
You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Keep the phase, baby.
If God had intended Man to Smoke, He would have set him on Fire.
"It's ten o'clock... Do you know where your AI programs are?"  -- Peter Oakley
Everyone is a genius.  It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
Fremen add life to spice!
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego.
Pass with care.
... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling Alley!!
Doing gets it done.
When a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?
Swim at your own risk.
Delta: We're Amtrak with wings.    -- David Letterman
There is no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in its hands.
An apple every eight hours will keep three doctors away.
You have mail.
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss put in an honest day's work.
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
Dinosaurs aren't extinct.  They've just learned to hide in the trees.
I'll pretend to trust you if you'll pretend to trust me.
List at least two alternate dates.
It'll be a nice world if they ever get it finished.
You are in a maze of UUCP connections, all alike.
I'd like to meet the guy who invented beer and see what he's working on now.
It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.
One seldom sees a monument to a committee.
But, officer, he's not drunk, I just saw his fingers twitch!
Say something you'll be sorry for, I love receiving apologies.
Measure twice, cut once.
To order, call toll-free.
Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order.
Intolerance is the last defense of the insecure.
Life is fraught with opportunities to keep your mouth shut.
HELP!!!! I'm being held prisoner in /usr/games/lib!
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Would you care to drift aimlessly in my direction?
Dammit Jim, I'm an actor, not a doctor.
Laugh at your problems; everybody else does.
Ah, the Tsar's bazaar's bizarre beaux-arts!
People who push both buttons should get their wish.
Don't quit now, we might just as well lock the door and throw away the key.
Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots.
Adapt.  Enjoy.  Survive.
I feel ... JUGULAR ...
Z.O.I.D.: Zombie Optimized for Infiltration and Destruction
What fools these morals be!
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
If it wasn't so warm out today, it would be cooler.
The more we disagree, the more chance there is that at least one of us is right.
C for yourself.
Generic Fortune.
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.
Life is a game of bridge -- and you've just been finessed.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Your mode of life will be changed to EBCDIC.
<zpx> it's amazing how "not-broken" debian is compared to slack and rh
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.
Bushydo -- the way of the shrub.  Bonsai!
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after.
Would you care to view the ruins of my good intentions?
I'm a Lisp variable -- bind me!
"I didn't know it was impossible when I did it."
grep me no patterns and I'll tell you no lines.
Parkinson's Law:  Work expands to fill the time alloted it.
CCI Power 6/40: one board, a megabyte of cache, and an attitude...
No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up.
Do not use the blue keys on this terminal.
The best way to accelerate a Macintoy is at 9.8 meters per second per second.
You need more time; and you probably always will.
You will obey or molten silver will be poured into your ears.
Yow!  It's some people inside the wall!  This is better than mopping!
When the going gets tough, the tough go grab a beer.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.
Oatmeal raisin.
Don't guess -- check your security regulations.
Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
Kleeneness is next to Godelness.
Beam me up, Scotty!
Has anyone ever tasted an "end"?  Are they really bitter?
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
"Being disintegrated makes me ve-ry an-gry!" <huff, huff>
You are in the hall of the mountain king.
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.
I'm pretending I'm pulling in a TROUT!  Am I doing it correctly??
To err is human, to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
No purchase necessary.
You can't take it with you -- especially when crossing a state line.
Biggest security gap -- an open mouth.
* netgod opens his mailbox and immediately wishes he hadnt
Keep cool; process promptly.
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
The beauty of a pun is in the "Oy!" of the beholder.
Hacking's just another word for nothing left to kludge.
So... did you ever wonder, do garbagemen take showers before they go to work?
Individualists unite!
I want another RE-WRITE on my CEASAR SALAD!!
There are new messages.
<taniwha> i'd solve a windows key problem with fdisk :)
I think my career is ruined!
Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
Within a computer, natural language is unnatural.
Yow!  We're going to a new disco!
Rule of Life #1 -- Never get separated from your luggage.
Yow!  Is this sexual intercourse yet??  Is it, huh, is it??
Washington, D.C: Fifty square miles almost completely surrounded by reality.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
Ignorance is when you don't know anything and somebody finds it out.
* Knghtbrd is FAR too tempted to .sig this entire discussion...
One can't proceed from the informal to the formal by formal means.
The finest eloquence is that which gets things done.
Walk softly and carry a megawatt laser.
It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" in Jonesboro, Georgia.
Earth is a beta site.
Being schizophrenic is better than living alone.
Membership dues are not refundable.
Paranoia is heightened awareness.
NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Detroit is Cleveland without the glitter.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Bridge ahead.  Pay troll.
Don't let your status become too quo!
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Indecision is the true basis for flexibility.
It's hard to keep your shirt on when you're getting something off your chest.
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
Keep emotionally active.  Cater to your favorite neurosis.
Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
You are fairminded, just and loving.
Every solution breeds new problems.
Specifications subject to change without notice.
The PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY is CRYING for an END to BURT REYNOLDS movies!!
Use of software is governed by the terms of the end user license agreement.
God created a few perfect heads.  The rest he covered with hair.
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
God must love the common man; He made so many of them.
Loneliness is a terrible price to pay for independence.
Old mail has arrived.
Numeric stability is probably not all that important when you're guessing.
Violence is molding.
1 bulls, 3 cows.
Old soldiers never die.  Young ones do.
Yow!  I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
The Macintosh is Xerox technology at its best.
Each man is his own prisoner, in solitary confinement for life.
Don't steal... the IRS hates competition!
History repeats itself.  That's one thing wrong with history.
Stamp out organized crime!!  Abolish the IRS.
Wait ... is this a FUN THING or the END of LIFE in Petticoat Junction??
Many a family tree needs trimming.
I have accepted Provolone into my life!
Reality is for people who lack imagination.
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
Meester, do you vant to buy a duck?
You will always find something in the last place you look.
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
Oh, so there you are!
This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
What happened last night can happen again.
If rash develops, discontinue use.
I'm still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
Substantial risk of electric shock.
It is better to give than to lend, and it costs about the same.
It's all in the mind, ya know.
Some assembly required.
Drive defensively.  Buy a tank.
In Devon, Connecticut, it is unlawful to walk backwards after sunset.
No solicitors.
Could I have a drug overdose?
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
Mind your own business, Spock.  I'm sick of your halfbreed interference.
The difference between this place and yogurt is that yogurt has a live culture.
Send a self-addressed, stamped envelope.
Girls who throw themselves at men, are actually taking very careful aim.
Here we are in America ... when do we collect unemployment?
What hath Bob wrought?
"You must have an IQ of at least half a million."  -- Popeye
Let me do my TRIBUTE to FISHNET STOCKINGS ...
You will outgrow your usefulness.
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
You will be awarded some great honor.
We are the people our parents warned us about.
In an orderly world, there's always a place for the disorderly.
Surprise your boss.  Get to work on time.
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Remember the... the... uhh.....
Colors may fade in time.
I wonder if there's anything GOOD on tonight?
The famous politician was trying to save both his faces.
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
Courage is fear that has said its prayers.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Ah say, son, you're about as sharp as a bowlin' ball.
Do not fold, spindle or mutilate.
When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.
There's enough money here to buy 5000 cans of Noodle-Roni!
Put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea!
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke.
Please ignore previous fortune.
Blackout restrictions apply.
Truckers welcome.
The Tree of Learning bears the noblest fruit, but noble fruit tastes bad.
Life is an exciting business, and most exciting when it is lived for others.
Many suitcases look alike.
Where the system is concerned, you're not allowed to ask "Why?".
It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.
Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
10.0 times 0.1 is hardly ever 1.0.
Mount St. Helens should have used earth control.
Yow!  Are you the self-frying president?
"In short, _N is Richardian if, and only if, _N is not Richardian."
!07/11 PDP a ni deppart m'I  !pleH
You have no real enemies.
Why do they call a fast a fast, when it goes so slow?
Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Safety Third.
Peace be to this house, and all that dwell in it.
Support your local church or synagogue.  Worship at Bank of America.
Your boss climbed the corporate ladder, wrong by wrong.
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass?
Am I in GRADUATE SCHOOL yet?
War is an equal opportunity destroyer.
Quark!  Quark!  Beware the quantum duck!
Laetrile is the pits.
The sheep died in the wool.
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
Beware the one behind you.
Life -- Love It or Leave It.
You mean you didn't *know* she was off making lots of little phone companies?
The future isn't what it used to be.  (It never was.)
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
Overload -- core meltdown sequence initiated.
I'm GLAD I remembered to XEROX all my UNDERSHIRTS!!
In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter.
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
Avoid contact with eyes.
Be braver -- you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
Being ugly isn't illegal.  Yet.
Chess tonight.
Why do they call it baby-SITTING when all you do is run after them?
I used to have a drinking problem.  Now I love the stuff.
If you do something right once, someone will ask you to do it again.
Never commit yourself!  Let someone else commit you.
How much of their influence on you is a result of your influence on them?
Don't hit a man when he's down -- kick him; it's easier.
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".
Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs.
What's the MATTER Sid? ... Is your BEVERAGE unsatisfactory?
All rights reserved.
You can get *anywhere* in ten minutes if you drive fast enough.
Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
I'm a Hollywood writer; so I put on a sports jacket and take off my brain.
The discerning person is always at a disadvantage.
"He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions."
<Omnic> another .sig addition
Do not stamp.
Did you hear about the model who sat on a broken bottle and cut a nice figure?
Preserve Wildlife!  Throw a party today!
Please, Mother!  I'd rather do it myself!
Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
It would save me a lot of time if you just gave up and went mad now.
A child of five could understand this!  Fetch me a child of five.
Is a wedding successful if it comes off without a hitch?
Truth will out this morning.  (Which may really mess things up.)
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
You have the capacity to learn from mistakes.  You'll learn a lot today.
Hold the MAYO & pass the COSMIC AWARENESS ...
Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
The best things in life go on sale sooner or later.
... and furthermore ... I don't like your trousers.
Got Mole problems?  Call Avogadro at 6.02 x 10^23.
One small step for man, one giant stumble for mankind.
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
Chocolate chip.
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it.
All constants are variables.
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
It is better to travel hopefully than to fly Continental.
Save gas, don't eat beans.
Staff meeting in the conference room in %d minutes.
There is nothing wrong with abstinence, in moderation.
You can't mend a wristwatch while falling from an airplane.
Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels.
May not be combined with other discounts.
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
<doogie> Debian - All the power, without the silly hat.
I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
<rcw> liiwi: printk("CPU0 on fire\n");
Join the march to save individuality!
A mind is a wonderful thing to waste.
You worry too much about your job.  Stop it.  You are not paid enough to worry.
She blinded me with science!
All warranty and guarantee clauses become null and void upon payment of invoice.
Being owned by someone used to be called slavery -- now it's called commitment.
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the sword.
Mind your own business, then you don't mind mine.
I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? -Benjamin Disraeli
I'm reporting for duty as a modern person.  I want to do the Latin Hustle now!
All truths are true to an extend, including this one.  -XA
Row, row, row your bits, gently down the stream...
How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you look playing the game.
No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances.
Beware of low-flying butterflies.
Be security conscious -- National defense is at stake.
Indifference will certainly be the downfall of mankind, but who cares?
Depart not from the path which fate has assigned you.
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
The nicest thing about the Alto is that it doesn't run faster at night.
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
Your picture of the world often changes just before you get it into focus.
"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."
Anyone stupid enough to be caught by the police is probably guilty.
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
You will have a long and boring life.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
YOW!!  Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM laws!!
"The Computer made me do it."
Every cloud has a silver lining; you should have sold it, and bought titanium.
Dime is money.
Don't interfere with the stranger's style.
... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
Sauron is alive in Argentina!
Them as has, gets.
Killing turkeys causes winter.
You canna change the laws of physics, Captain; I've got to have thirty minutes!
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
Someone is speaking well of you.
Chemistry professors never die, they just fail to react.
You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
A 'full' life in my experience is usually full only of other people's demands.
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
The mature bohemian is one whose woman works full time.
I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
Kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray.
Batteries not included.
You can't get there from here.
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
Did I SELL OUT yet??
Suggest you just sit there and wait till life gets easier.
Filmed before a live audience.
And on the eighth day, we bulldozed it.
Rome wasn't burnt in a day.
Use only as directed.
War is peace.  Freedom is slavery.  Ketchup is a vegetable.
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they will like.
BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ...
I'd rather just believe that it's done by little elves running around.
Never kick a man, unless he's down.
You never learn anything by doing it right.
I may be getting older, but I refuse to grow up!
You will be a winner today.  Pick a fight with a four-year-old.
Reality does not exist -- yet.
Integrity has no need for rules.
Did I do an INCORRECT THING??
FUN is never having to say you're SUSHI!!
<<<<< EVACUATION ROUTE <<<<<
Beware of Bigfoot!
To err is human; to admit it, a blunder.
Disk crisis, please clean up!
Yes, but every time I try to see things your way, I get a headache.
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
This is now.  Later is later.
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
Beware of a tall blond man with one black shoe.
No running on pool deck.
They just buzzed and buzzed...buzzed.
Support your local Search and Rescue unit -- get lost.
backups: always in season, never out of style.
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Leveraging always beats prototyping.
I feel like a wet parking meter on Darvon!
To err is humor.
There is a fly on your nose.
Happy feast of the pig!
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
Subject to change without notice.
World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
I waited and waited and when no message came I knew it must be from you.
* athener calls Amnesty International House of Pancakes
The disks are getting full; purge a file today.
Often things ARE as bad as they seem!
Rudeness is a weak man's imitation of strength.
Either CONFESS now or we go to "PEOPLE'S COURT"!!
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
He's dead, Jim.
To get back on your feet, miss two car payments.
HOST SYSTEM RESPONDING, PROBABLY UP...
: is not an identifier
... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
Bacon's not the only thing that's cured by hanging from a string.
Disposable, use only once.
Stay away from flying saucers today.
Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
This screen intentionally left blank.
That does not compute.
My EARS are GONE!!
Many people resent being treated like the person they really are.
My, how you've changed since I've changed.
The savior becomes the victim.
You are number 6!  Who is number one?
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
Professional wrestling:  ballet for the common man.
Yow!  I want my nose in lights!
The idle man does not know what it is to enjoy rest.
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
You have a truly strong individuality.
If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow!
What we need is either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
Chairman of the Bored.
I know th'MAMBO!!  I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
If only you had a personality instead of an attitude.
Noone ever built a statue to a critic.
Wonderful day.  Your hangover just makes it seem terrible.
Why bother building any more nuclear warheads until we use the ones we have?
Do nothing unless you must, and when you must act -- hesitate.
It's NO USE ... I've gone to "CLUB MED"!!
* Knghtktty is not going to ask how zucchini got into the discussion ...
Those who can't write, write manuals.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
You are standing on my toes.
The difference between a good haircut and a bad one is seven days.
Not valid with other offers or specials.
Delta: The kids will love our inflatable slides.    -- David Letterman
Hello...  IRON CURTAIN?  Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA!  World War III?  No thanks!
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear.
All most people want is a little more than they'll ever get.
Be careful!  Is it classified?
Views expressed may not be those of the sponsor.
Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
I'm all for computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister.
Brain fried -- Core dumped
Others can stop you temporarily, only you can do it permanently.
Poland has gun control.
30 day money back guarantee minus shipping, 10% restocking charge, and 7
Are you a turtle?
One of the worst of my many faults is that I'm too critical of myself.
The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us, the Universe.
I am the mother of all things, and all things should wear a sweater.
Most burning issues generate far more heat than light.
Hailing frequencies open, Captain.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a POINT.
A day for firm decisions!!!!!  Or is it?
If *I* had a hammer, there'd be no more folk singers.
The British are coming!  The British are coming!
I do enjoy a good long walk -- especially when my wife takes one.
If it's worth doing, it's worth doing for money.
Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
So this is it.  We're going to die.
C++ is the best example of second-system effect since OS/360.
This is NOT a repeat.
America: born free and taxed to death.
People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
The only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
I represent a sardine!!
Silence is the only virtue you have left.
Double!
Toothpaste never hurts the taste of good scotch.
No matter what happens, there is always someone who knew it would.
I'm having a tax-deductible experience!  I need an energy crunch!!
All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.
Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
Do not use if printed inner seal is broken or missing.
Nothing is but what is not.
Gary Hart:  living proof that you *can* screw your brains out.
If you're careful enough, nothing bad or good will ever happen to you.
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
No house is childproofed unless the little darlings are in straitjackets.
Because the wine remembers.
I Know A Joke!!
If God didn't mean for us to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.
My idea of roughing it is when room service is late.
I feel partially hydrogenated!
A day without orange juice is like a day without orange juice.
Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.
These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration.
Tax, title, tag, and dealer handling not included.
I always have fun because I'm out of my mind!!!
Karl's version of Parkinson's Law:  Work expands to exceed the time alloted it.
The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
Your education begins where what is called your education is over.
Snoopy: No problem is so big that it can't be run away from.
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Death to all fanatics!
Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.
Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
Don't tell me what you dreamed last night for I've been reading Freud.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Pick another fortune cookie.
Line Printer paper is strongest at the perforations.
Being popular is important.  Otherwise people might not like you.
"It's men like him that give the Y chromosome a bad name."
Who was that masked man?
Never argue with a woman when she's tired -- or rested.
Don't SANFORIZE me!!
Apathy Club meeting this Friday.  If you want to come, you're not invited.
Read the fine print.
You will pass away very quickly.
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
Hello?  Enema Bondage?  I'm calling because I want to be happy, I guess ...
Cleanliness is next to impossible.
If you are too busy to read, then you are too busy.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
Variables don't; constants aren't.
You look like a million dollars.  All green and wrinkled.
The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere.
When you're ready to give up the struggle, who can you surrender to?
Xerox never comes up with anything original.
Microwaves frizz your heir.
Support wildlife -- vote for an orgy.
I hope I bought the right relish ... zzzzzzzzz ...
Man will never fly.  Space travel is merely a dream.  All aspirin is alike.
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
Keep up the good work!  But please don't ask me to help.
Illiterate?  Write today, for free help!
The surest way to remain a winner is to win once, and then not play any more.
Eisenhower!!  Your mimeograph machine upsets my stomach!!
She's genuinely bogus.
Shipping not included.
* BenC wonders why he has upgraded to 3.3.5-1 before teh X maintainer
Do not disturb.
Truth is free, but information costs.
Quantum Mechanics is God's version of "Trust me."
Use extra care when cleaning on stairs.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
All men have the right to wait in line.
Nobody said computers were going to be polite.
I'm a nuclear submarine under the polar ice cap and I need a Kleenex!
Friction is a drag.
Don't worry so loud, your roommate can't think.
VMS version 2.0 ==>
PENGUINICITY!!
Avoid reality at all costs.
Memory fault -- core...uh...um...core... Oh dammit, I forget!
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
May explode if improperly recharged.
Kissing a fish is like smoking a bicycle.
Joe's sister puts spaghetti in her shoes!
Heisenberg may have been here.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Is a person who blows up banks an econoclast?
When Dexter's on the Internet, can Hell be far behind?"
If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions?
Good day to let down old friends who need help.
Take your Senator to lunch this week.
To program is to be.
We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
Demand the establishment of the government in its rightful home at Disneyland.
//GO.SYSIN DD *, DOODAH, DOODAH
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
Think big.  Pollute the Mississippi.
If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of genius.
A bachelor is a man who never made the same mistake once.
The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
But like the Good Book says... There's BIGGER DEALS to come!
I guess you guys got BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING!
Shhh... be vewy, vewy, quiet!  I'm hunting wabbits...
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
A grammarian's life is always in tense.
I would like to urinate in an OVULAR, porcelain pool --
Scenery is here, wish you were beautiful.
Vote anarchist.
Not from concentrate.
Without life, Biology itself would be impossible.
Say "twenty-three-skiddoo" to logout.
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
For 20 dollars, I'll give you a good fortune next time ...
I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
It's bad enough that life is a rat-race, but why do the rats always have to win?
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
Catproof is an oxymoron, childproof nearly so.
Edwin Meese made me wear CORDOVANS!!
Drop in any mailbox.
All the simple programs have been written.
Is a tattoo real, like a curb or a battleship?  Or are we suffering in Safeway?
The less time planning, the more time programming.
Blend until smooth.
Approved for veterans.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Lavish spending can be disastrous.  Don't buy any lavishes for a while.
Time to be aggressive.  Go after a tattooed Virgo.
Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge card!
If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
Merchandise can be shipped only upon receipt of payment.
Goodbye, cool world.
You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.
Any fool can paint a picture, but it takes a wise person to be able to sell it.
They finally got King Midas, I hear.  Gild by association.
You think Oedipus had a problem -- Adam was Eve's mother.
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
You would if you could but you can't so you won't.
Death rays don't kill people, people kill people!!
Honi soit la vache qui rit.
... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
Join the army, see the world, meet interesting, exciting people, and kill them.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I never go out on days that end in `Y.'"
A hammer sometimes misses its mark - a bouquet never.
My idea of roughing it turning the air conditioner too low.
Clear the laundromat!!  This whirl-o-matic just had a nuclear meltdown!!
For a holy stint, a moth of the cloth gave up his woolens for lint.
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
Your password is pitifully obvious.
Why are you so hard to ignore?
core error - bus dumped
Baby On Board.
If life isn't what you wanted, have you asked for anything else?
What's done to children, they will do to society.
"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.
What happens when you cut back the jungle?  It recedes.
Tonight you will pay the wages of sin; Don't forget to leave a tip.
It takes a special kind of courage to face what we all have to face.
<Tali> be vewwy vewwy qwuiet .. I'm huntin wuntime ewwos
You will be successful in your work.
The more control, the more that requires control.
It is better to be bow-legged than no-legged.
A lack of leadership is no substitute for inaction.
It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees.
You will step on the night soil of many countries.
To make tax forms true they should read "Income Owed Us" and "Incommode You".
The best man for the job is often a woman.
Stellar rays prove fibbing never pays.  Embezzlement is another matter.
This is the ____LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
Life is the urge to ecstasy.
Obey all traffic laws.
Whistler's mother is off her rocker.
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
If you can't be good, be careful.  If you can't be careful, give me a call.
Whatever became of eternal truth?
Every morning is a Smirnoff morning.
A homeowner's reach should exceed his grasp, or what's a weekend for?
Catsup and Mustard all over the place!  It's the Human Hamburger!
Don't I know you?
What good is a ticket to the good life, if you can't find the entrance?
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
Is this TERMINAL fun?
An artist should be fit for the best society and keep out of it.
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
See other side for additional listings.
Live in a world of your own, but always welcome visitors.
All's well that ends.
Do not write in this space.
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.
Now I'm concentrating on a specific tank battle toward the end of World War II!
Don't expect people to keep in step--it's hard enough just staying in line.
HELP!  Man trapped in a human body!
Post no bills.
"Mr. Watson, come here, I want you."   -- Alexander Graham Bell
A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.
Meekness is uncommon patience in planning a worthwhile revenge.
<Overfiend> we're calling 2.2 _POTATO_??
Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts so much?
Adults die young.
Is knowledge knowable?  If not, how do we know that?
Fools rush in -- and get the best seats in the house.
You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.
Use only in a well-ventilated area.
You can't push on a string.
There's no saint like a reformed sinner.
We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac B. Singer
<JHM> AIX - the Unix from the universe where Spock has a beard.
Loose bits sink chips.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
Some people around here wouldn't recognize subtlety if it hit them on the head.
I have more hit points that you can possible imagine.
It's better to burn out than it is to rust.
Hello, GORRY-O!!  I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
Moebius strippers never show you their back side.
If your bread is stale, make toast.
The eagle may soar, but the weasel never gets sucked into a jet engine.
Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment.
Last yeer I kudn't spel Engineer.  Now I are won.
Happiness is a positive cash flow.
You are capable of planning your future.
Wanna buy a duck?
Isn't this my STOP?!
I know it all.  I just can't remember it all at once.
Your lucky number is 3552664958674928.  Watch for it everywhere.
People are unconditionally guaranteed to be full of defects.
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
I brought my BOWLING BALL -- and some DRUGS!!
May cause drowsiness.
I can resist everything except temptation. -Oscar Wilde
The best way to get rid of worries is to let them die of neglect.
If there was any justice in the world, "trust" would be a four-letter word.
Anything is possible, unless it's not.
All generalisations are dangerous, including this one.
Trespassers will be shot.  Survivors will be prosecuted.
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.
Familiarity breeds attempt.
One Bell System - it sometimes works.
Only through hard work and perseverance can one truly suffer.
Having a wonderful wine, wish you were beer.
If you're carrying a torch, put it down.  The Olympics are over.
E Pluribus Unix
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude.
Disc space -- the final frontier!
A tautology is a thing which is tautological.
Getting there is only half as far as getting there and back.
Lost interest?  It's so bad I've lost apathy.
Things will be bright in P.M.  A cop will shine a light in your face.
A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny.
Know Thy User.
Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive.
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
I was making donuts and now I'm on a bus!
Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?
New customers only.
All a man needs out of life is a place to sit 'n' spit in the fire.
It is better to remain childless than to father an orphan.
Give me a sleeping pill and tell me your troubles.
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
Licensed and bonded.
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
This fortune intentionally left blank.
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold.
Those who in quarrels interpose, must often wipe a bloody nose.
We've upped our standards, so up yours!
BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding.
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
Motorized vehicles only.
In order to dial out, it is necessary to broaden one's dimension.
The average nutritional value of promises is roughly zero.
Everything ends badly.  Otherwise it wouldn't end.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant."
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
So many women; so little time!
If you have to ask how much it is, you can't afford it.
BAD CRAZINESS, MAN!!!
Snow Day -- stay home.
It's later than you think.
List current at time of printing.
The system was down for backups from 5am to 10am last Saturday.
Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
To err is human, to moo bovine.
If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
If this is timesharing, give me my share right now.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
I may not be able to walk, but I drive from a sitting position.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
Chaos is King and Magic is loose in the world.
The world needs more people like us and fewer like them.
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
Men still remember the first kiss after women have forgotten the last.
Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Identify your visitor.
Give your very best today.  Heaven knows it's little enough.
One Bell System - it works.
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
My NOSE is NUMB!
Who is D.B. Cooper, and where is he now?
Thank God a million billion times you live in Texas.
Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
GIVE:	Support the helpless victims of computer error.
94% of the women in America are beautiful and the rest hang out around here.
Never call a man a fool.  Borrow from him.
Marry in haste and everyone starts counting the months.
Orders subject to approval.
Never trust anyone who says money is no object.
What I want to find out is -- do parrots know much about Astro-Turf?
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished? Yes, work never begun.
Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
Would you people stop playing these stupid games?!?!?!!!!
No shirt, no shoes, no service.
Just because he's dead is no reason to lay off work.
Smoking is the leading cause of statistics.
If you didn't have to work so hard, you'd have more time to be depressed.
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
<Mongoose> knghtbrd: and the meek shall inherit k-mart
Smoking Prohibited.  Absolutely no ifs, ands, or butts.
Is this really happening?
Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other again.
Being a BALD HERO is almost as FESTIVE as a TATTOOED KNOCKWURST.
Talk is cheap because supply always exceeds demand.
YOW!!  The land of the rising SONY!!
The door is the key.
You can't cross a large chasm in two small jumps.
Hackers are just a migratory lifeform with a tropism for computers.
Neil Armstrong tripped.
Everything should be built top-down, except the first time.
Teamwork is essential -- it allows you to blame someone else.
YOW!!!  I am having fun!!!
Chemist who falls in acid will be tripping for weeks.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
Did YOU find a DIGITAL WATCH in YOUR box of VELVEETA?
Space is limited.
There's no time like the pleasant.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought her back.
Do, or do not; there is no try.
A fool and his money are soon popular.
Hoping to goodness is not theologically sound. - Peanuts
Air pollution is really making us pay through the nose.
You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular.
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
A clever prophet makes sure of the event first.
Special engagement; no discounts, passes or coupons accepted.
Goes (Went) over like a lead balloon.
What you don't know can hurt you, only you won't know it.
Your good nature will bring you unbounded happiness.
Does someone from PEORIA have a SHORTER ATTENTION span than me?
What the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.
Star Trek Lives!
Password:
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs.
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
All my friends and I are crazy.  That's the only thing that keeps us sane.
There are no games on this system.
panic: kernel segmentation violation. core dumped		(only kidding)
over in west Philadelphia a puppy is vomiting ...
Why did the Roman Empire collapse?  What is the Latin for office automation?
No question is so difficult as one to which the answer is obvious.
Well, O.K.  I'll compromise with my principles because of EXISTENTIAL DESPAIR!
Fats Loves Madelyn.
Please come home with me ... I have Tylenol!!
An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
Will Rogers never met you.
All extremists should be taken out and shot.
Biology grows on you.
Suicide is simply a case of mistaken identity.
Computer programs expand so as to fill the core available.
Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
It's great to be smart 'cause then you know stuff.
If not completely satisfied, return for full refund of purchase price.
She sells cshs by the cshore.
And I alone am returned to wag the tail.
<f00Dave> Look, rejects, this is #OpenGL, not #GEEKSEX.
A farmer is a man outstanding in his field.
I once decorated my apartment entirely in ten foot salad forks!!
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
America works less, when you say "Union Yes!"
If condition persists, consult your physician.
You will lose an important tape file.
if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
Do not write below this line.
A fool must now and then be right by chance.
Uh-oh!!  I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
I'm sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
Kiss me twice.  I'm schizophrenic.
Your canceled check is your receipt.
He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle.
A person forgives only when they are in the wrong.
No anchovies unless otherwise specified.
I must have slipped a disk -- my pack hurts!
"He was a modest, good-humored boy.  It was Oxford that made him insufferable."
Live from New York ... It's Saturday Night!
Buckle up!
God is real, unless declared integer.
Is death legally binding?
This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
Writing software is more fun than working.
As Will Rogers would have said, "There is no such things as a free variable."
Due to lack of disk space, this fortune database has been discontinued.
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
You will be imprisoned for contributing your time and skill to a bank robbery.
He who hates vices hates mankind.
Today you'll start getting heavy metal radio on your dentures.
A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano.
Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Old programmers never die, they just become managers.
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgement.
George Orwell was an optimist.
Why are these athletic shoe salesmen following me??
Do not apply to broken skin.
A small town that cannot support one lawyer can always support two.
Pushing 40 is exercise enough.
We have seen the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's out.
Staff meeting in the conference room in 3 minutes.
Bus error -- driver executed.
No wonder you're tired!  You understood so much today.
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
Hello.  I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan females!!
Some people live life in the fast lane.  You're in oncoming traffic.
They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid!
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed.
You need not be present to win.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Long life is in store for you.
I'm receiving a coded message from EUBIE BLAKE!!
Live free or die.
I am NOT a nut....
15% gratuity added for parties over 8.
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
Many are cold, but few are frozen.
You cannot use your friends and have them too.
If it wasn't for Newton, we wouldn't have to eat bruised apples.
Call toll free number before digging.
Disclose classified information only when a NEED TO KNOW exists.
Life is cheap, but the accessories can kill you.
Anything cut to length will be too short.
"It's like deja vu all over again."   -- Yogi Berra
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
<Shinobi> There are worse things than Perl....ASP comes to mind
Some optional equipment shown.
TANSTAAFL
Management is not responsible for loss or damage.
When your memory goes, forget it!
Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
Do not try this at home.
I need to discuss BUY-BACK PROVISIONS with at least six studio SLEAZEBALLS!!
I live the way I type; fast, with a lot of mistakes.
Use other side for additional listings.
Everyone was born right-handed.  Only the greatest overcome it.
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
Words can never express what words can never express.
Love means having to say you're sorry every five minutes.
Please remain calm, it's no use both of us being hysterical at the same time.
Misfortunes arrive on wings and leave on foot.
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
Greatness is a transitory experience. It is never consistent.
The early worm gets the late bird.
I can relate to that.
Your supervisor is thinking about you.
Stability itself is nothing else than a more sluggish motion.
Ma Bell is a mean mother!
Why won't sharks eat lawyers?   Professional courtesy.
Even bytes get lonely for a little bit.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
If in doubt, mumble.
Chicken Little was right.
If your mother knew what you're doing, she'd probably hang her head and cry.
Phasers locked on target, Captain.
Am I ranting?  I hope so.  My ranting gets raves.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
Help a swallow land at Capistrano.
A chronic disposition to inquiry deprives domestic felines of vital qualities.
Man and wife make one fool.
Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder.
What UNIVERSE is this, please??
The 80's -- when you can't tell hairstyles from chemotherapy.
In marriage, as in war, it is permitted to take every advantage of the enemy.
If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.
Comedy, like Medicine, was never meant to be practiced by the general public.
The only real advantage to punk music is that nobody can whistle it.
The most important things, each person must do for himself.
If all else fails, lower your standards.
Keep it short for pithy sake.
I've Been Moved!
You're almost as happy as you think you are.
So many men; so little time.
... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate man!!
Programming is an unnatural act.
<Flav> Win 98 Psychic edition: We'll tell you where you're going tomorrow
Don't go surfing in South Dakota for a while.
Age is a tyrant who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures of youth.
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Monitored by the American Human Association.
I just had my entire INTESTINAL TRACT coated with TEFLON!
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine grey line.
Cleanse area thoroughly before applying.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Nice guys don't finish nice.
Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.
"I'd love to go out with you, but the man on television told me to stay tuned."
Many pages make a thick book.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Only God can make random selections.
All your files have been destroyed (sorry).  Paul.
You can never trust a woman; she may be true to you.
No campfires allowed.
Booths for two or more.
Not responsible for typographical errors.
To err is human, to forgive unusual.
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
I wonder if I could ever get started in the credit world?
Reunite Gondwondaland!
I don't want to be young again, I just don't want to get any older.
She liked him; he was a man of many qualities, even if most of them were bad.
If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands.
Thufir's a Harkonnen now.
When you're down and out, lift up your voice and shout, "I'M DOWN AND OUT"!
How's it going in those MODULAR LOVE UNITS??
Do not overtax your powers.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks.
Zeus gave Leda the bird.
OS/2 must die!
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?
Ginger snap.
Some settling may occur.
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
You have a message from the operator.
How come everyone's going so slow if it's called rush hour?
The help people need most urgently is help in admitting that they need help.
This login session: $13.99
He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut.
Sorry, no fortune this time.
CHUBBY CHECKER just had a CHICKEN SANDWICH in downtown DULUTH!
When you're not looking at it, this fortune is written in FORTRAN.
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
This is your fortune.
Support Bingo, keep Grandma off the streets.
Others will look to you for stability, so hide when you bite your nails.
Are we not men?
Timing must be perfect now.  Two-timing must be better than perfect.
Birds are entangled by their feet and men by their tongues.
Crazee Edeee, his prices are INSANE!!!
The person who's taking you to lunch has no intention of paying.
If your aim in life is nothing, you can't miss.
... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
For reservations, call your travel agent.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
I guess it was all a DREAM ... or an episode of HAWAII FIVE-O ...
If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?
If you had any brains, you'd be dangerous.
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
My LESLIE GORE record is BROKEN ...
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Best if used before date on carton.
I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
A pound of salt will not sweeten a single cup of tea.
Contest void where prohibited by law.
Ahead warp factor one, Mr. Sulu.
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
Never be led astray onto the path of virtue.
Can't open /usr/share/games/fortunes/fortunes.  Lid stuck on cookie jar.
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
FORTH IF HONK THEN
It is Fortune, not Wisdom, that rules man's life.
The Constitution may not be perfect, but it's a lot better than what we've got!
I just got my PRINCE bumper sticker ... But now I can't remember WHO he is ...
Forty two.
Did you know that clones never use mirrors?
Don't take life seriously, you'll never get out alive.
Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.
Courage is grace under pressure.
Gibble, Gobble, we ACCEPT YOU ...
A handful of friends is worth more than a wagon of gold.
New crypt.  See /usr/news/crypt.
<cas> Mercury: gpm isn't a very good web browser.  fix it.
Drop that pickle!
<ahzz_> i figured 17G oughta be enough.
"They ought to make butt-flavored cat food."   --Gallagher
I wish I was on a Cincinnati street corner holding a clean dog!
Sic transit gloria Monday!
Postage will be paid by addressee.
The way to a man's stomach is through his esophagus.
Quick!!  Act as if nothing has happened!
The three best things about going to school are June, July, and August.
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.
Time to take stock.  Go home with some office supplies.
You fill a much-needed gap.
Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
I've enjoyed just about as much of this as I can stand.
The Ranger isn't gonna like it, Yogi.
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Spelling is a lossed art.
Life is difficult because it is non-linear.
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
Should I do my BOBBIE VINTON medley?
Actors will happen even in the best-regulated families.
Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book?
If you're not careful, you're going to catch something.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!!  Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
RAM wasn't built in a day.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose -- until you lose.
All models over 18 years of age.
Decaffeinated coffee?  Just Say No.
Do not underestimate the value of print statements for debugging.
MERYL STREEP is my obstetrician!
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
I program, therefore I am.
What this country needs is a good five dollar plasma weapon.
Well, Jim, I'm not much of an actor either.
To stay youthful, stay useful.
You can't kiss a girl unexpectedly -- only sooner than she thought you would.
People are always available for work in the past tense.
A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat.
YOW!!  I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
You will be run over by a bus.
Most people are too busy to have time for anything important.
The worst part of valor is indiscretion.
Interchangeable parts won't.
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
Any woman is a volume if one knows how to read her.
Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.
Accept people for what they are -- completely unacceptable.
Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
Afternoon very favorable for romance.  Try a single person for a change.
Edited for television.
Philogyny recapitulates erogeny; erogeny recapitulates philogyny.
You too can wear a nose mitten.
Vegetarians beware!  You are what you eat.
I exist, therefore I am paid.
Your computer account is overdrawn.  Please reauthorize.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax.
System going down in 5 minutes.
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
Limitations on coverage and remedies apply.
When the revolution comes, count your change.
Does not include installation.
<Sanaya> you guys are all sick!  sick sick sick I tell ya ;)
Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive mad.
Do you guys know what you're doing, or are you just hacking?
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
No one can put you down without your full cooperation.
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
Life is like a simile.
When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
Send some filthy mail.
The inclusion of any link does not imply endorsement of the site.
Where are the calculations that go with a calculated risk?
When Marriage is Outlawed, Only Outlaws will have Inlaws.
True happiness will be found only in true love.
Money is the root of all wealth.
The revolution will not be televised.
Victory uber allies!
No problem is so large it can't be fit in somewhere.
You definitely intend to start living sometime soon.
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising manner.
Oh, well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
If you see an onion ring -- answer it!
To do nothing is to be nothing.
Today is a good day to bribe a high-ranking public official.
Culture is the habit of being pleased with the best and knowing why.
If God had not given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it.
I smell a wumpus.
The truth about a woman often lasts longer than the woman is true.
Do not meddle in the affairs of troff, for it is subtle and quick to anger.
The real problem with hunting elephants is carrying the decoys.
Civilization is fun!  Anyway, it keeps me busy!!
Oh, wow!  Look at the moon!
A woman can never be too rich or too thin.
I feel like I am sharing a ``CORN-DOG'' with NIKITA KHRUSCHEV ...
You humans are all alike.
Always leave room to add an explanation if it doesn't work out.
BEWARE!  People acting under the influence of human nature.
Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.
Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
What I need is a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with a FLOPPY DISK ...
She won' go Warp 7, Cap'n!  The batteries are dead!
How do I get HOME?
Please help keep the world clean: others may wish to use it.
Short people get rained on last.
I have not yet begun to byte!
Stay seated until bus comes to a complete stop.
May contain nuts.
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ...
Good advice is one of those insults that ought to be forgiven.
Never give an inch!
Not all men who drink are poets.  Some of us drink because we aren't poets.
What's so funny?
Oppernockity tunes but once.
System checkpoint complete.
We interrupt this fortune for an important announcement...
* shortc wants to get in one of knghtbrd's sigs one of these days.
BARBARA STANWYCK makes me nervous!!
Never trust an operating system.
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
The sheep that fly over your head are soon to land.
I'm RELIGIOUS!!  I love a man with a HAIRPIECE!!  Equip me with MISSILES!!
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
We totally deny the allegations, and we're trying to identify the allegators.
With your bare hands?!?
Play Rogue, visit exotic locations, meet strange creatures and kill them.
Gloffing is a state of mine.
APL hackers do it in the quad.
Offer void where prohibited by law.
HOLY MACRO!
When taxes are due, Americans tend to feel quite bled-white and blue.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.
Yow!  Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY --
An idle mind is worth two in the bush.
We don't care how they do it in New York.
Serenity through viciousness.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
It isn't an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
Sorry.  I forget what I was going to say.
Real Users know your home telephone number.
Two is not equal to three, even for large values of two.
I'm having a MID-WEEK CRISIS!
semper en excretus
The following statement is not true.  The previous statement is true.
We have a equal opportunity Calculus class -- it's fully integrated.
It's more than magnificent-it's mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn
If life is merely a joke, the question still remains: for whose amusement?
Stay together, drag each other down.
The soul would have no rainbow had the eyes no tears.
"It was a virgin forest, a place where the Hand of Man had never set foot."
If it has syntax, it isn't user friendly.
There was a phone call for you.
Nothing is finished until the paperwork is done.
If you fool around with something long enough, it will eventually break.
If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
Price does not include taxes.
The only constant is change.
I want to so HAPPY, the VEINS in my neck STAND OUT!!
"A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives."
Needs are a function of what other people have.
"Good health" is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
Be open to other people -- they may enrich your dream.
It's raisins that make Post Raisin Bran so raisiny ...
YOW!!  Up ahead!  It's a DONUT HUT!!
There's nothing like a girl with a plunging neckline to keep a man on his toes.
A stitch in time saves nine.
If God had intended Man to Watch TV, He would have given him Rabbit Ears.
Paranoid schizophrenics outnumber their enemies at least two to one.
I have seen the Great Pretender and he is not what he seems.
Men of quality are not afraid of women for equality.
How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?
ASHes to ASHes, DOS to DOS.
If you waste your time cooking, you'll miss the next meal.
Old musicians never die, they just decompose.
The cost of feathers has risen, even down is up!
Think twice before speaking, but don't say "think think click click".
To err is human, but I can REALLY foul things up.
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
Words are the voice of the heart.
Drink Canada Dry!  You might not succeed, but it *__is* fun trying.
Inspiration without perspiration is usually sterile.
Don't read everything you believe.
The mosquito exists to keep the mighty humble.
1 + 1 = 3, for large values of 1.
Don't abandon hope.  Your Captain Midnight decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
Kiss a non-smoker; taste the difference.
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough.
Results vary by individual.
You will be run over by a beer truck.
Some equipment shown is optional.
Only a fool has no doubts.
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math LOOK exciting.
There's a fine line between courage and foolishness.  Too bad it's not a fence.
The more they over-think the plumbing the easier it is to stop up the drain.
To thine own self be true.  (If not that, at least make some money.)
No matter how much you do you never do enough.
YOW!!  Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
Wernher von Braun settled for a V-2 when he coulda had a V-8.
Troubles are like babies; they only grow by nursing.
I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"!
Why does a ship carry cargo and a truck carry shipments?
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
It's amazing how much better you feel once you've given up hope.
I wish you were a Scotch on the rocks.
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
Perhaps the biggest disappointments were the ones you expected anyway.
Availability is limited.
I am a deeply superficial person. -Andy Warhol
You can be replaced by this computer.
Conformity is the refuge of the unimaginative.
E.T. GO HOME!!!  (And take your Smurfs with you.)
"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm taking punk totem pole carving."
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
A day without sunshine is like a day without orange juice.
I can't drive 55.
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
The existence of god implies a violation of causality.
Ducks?  What ducks??
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
For God's sake, stop researching for a while and begin to think!
Simplicity does not precede complexity, but follows it.
<moshez> ok, I will not marry Jo-Con-El's cow.
Earth Destroyed by Solar Flare -- film clips at eleven.
There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggravate.
I just remembered something about a TOAD!
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
Although the moon is smaller than the earth, it is farther away.
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
Feminists just want the human race to be a tie.
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be loved.
Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until.
The debate rages on: Is PL/I Bachtrian or Dromedary?
What this country needs is a good five cent nickel.
People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
<Iambe> conning the most intellegent people on the planet is not easy
Chinese saying: "He who speak with forked tongue, not need chopsticks."
Elliptic paraboloids for sale.
"Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95."
Software is like sex, it's better when it's free.     -- Linus Torvalds
Eat right, stay fit, and die anyway.
On the eighth day, God created FORTRAN.
Behind every great computer sits a skinny little geek.
The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding.
You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.
The trouble with money is it costs too much!
In Boston, it is illegal to hold frog-jumping contests in nightclubs.
Keep hands and feet away from moving parts at all times.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Are you selling NYLON OIL WELLS??  If so, we can use TWO DOZEN!!
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your life.
Many husbands go broke on the money their wives save on sales.
For best results, follow directions carefully.
Seattle is so wet that people protect their property with watch-ducks.
That's odd.  That's very odd.  Wouldn't you say that's very odd?
For office use only.
I am dyslexic of Borg.  Prepare to have your ass laminated.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
Tom's hungry, time to eat lunch.
I brake for chezlogs!
What foods these morsels be!
"Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you may work."
You will gain money by an immoral action.
You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think.
Straw?  No, too stupid a fad.  I put soot on warts.
You will have long and healthy life.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
The grass is always greener on the other side of your sunglasses.
A bachelor is an unaltared male.
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
Will the third world war keep "Bosom Buddies" off the air?
What causes the mysterious death of everyone?
World War Three can be averted by adherence to a strictly enforced dress code!
"355/113 -- Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation!"
May Euell Gibbons eat your only copy of the manual!
Operator, please trace this call and tell me where I am.
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
Save the bales!
The part of the world that people find most puzzling is the part called "Me".
You will live to see your grandchildren.
Advancement in position.
Live Free or Live in Massachusetts.
FEELINGS are cascading over me!!!
You will gain money by a fattening action.
"The porcupine with the sharpest quills gets stuck on a tree more often."
Apply only to affected area.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
When all else fails, try Kate Smith.
I feel better about world problems now!
Booze is the answer.  I don't remember the question.
Today is a good day for information-gathering.  Read someone else's mail file.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
Hand me a pair of leather pants and a CASIO keyboard -- I'm living for today!
One nuclear bomb can ruin your whole day.
To err is human, to moo bovine.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their dignity.
And furthermore, my bowling average is unimpeachable!!!
ASCII a stupid question, you get an EBCDIC answer.
Once I finally figured out all of life's answers, they changed the questions.
There are more things in heaven and earth than any place else.
Better dead than mellow.
If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it.
Graduate life: It's not just a job.  It's an indenture.
For children with short attention spans: boomerangs that don't come back.
"I'd love to go out with you, but I have to floss my cat."
Your present plans will be successful.
Magic is always the best solution -- especially reliable magic.
Touch tone phones only.
Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
This is an unauthorized cybernetic announcement.
Here I am in 53 B.C. and all I want is a dill pickle!!
It was a brave man that ate the first oyster.
Once you've seen one nuclear war, you've seen them all.
You will think of something funnier than this to add to the fortunes.
Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.
You are as I am with You.
The gentlemen looked one another over with microscopic carelessness.
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
Think of your family tonight.  Try to crawl home after the computer crashes.
Microbiology Lab:  Staph Only!
It's illegal in Wilbur, Washington, to ride an ugly horse.
The questions remain the same.  The answers are eternally variable.
I came to MIT to get an education for myself and a diploma for my mother.
Don't read any sky-writing for the next two weeks.
Awright, which one of you hid my PENIS ENVY?
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Shah, shah!  Ayatollah you so!
I never pray before meals -- my mom's a good cook.
Don't know what time I'll be back, Mom.  Probably soon after she throws me out.
To make an enemy, do someone a favor.
The speed of anything depends on the flow of everything.
Two peanuts were walking through the New York.  One was assaulted.
Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps.
You will have many recoverable tape errors.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
It don't mean a THING if you ain't got that SWING!!
Unix will self-destruct in five seconds... 4... 3... 2... 1...
God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh.
Given my druthers, I'd druther not.
Nice guys get sick.
Revenge is a meal best served cold.
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
Do clones have navels?
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
He who is content with his lot probably has a lot.
Tell me what to think!!!
User hostile.
There's nothing like the face of a kid eating a Hershey bar.
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
Increased knowledge will help you now.  Have mate's phone bugged.
Freedom of the press is for those who happen to own one.
Captain's Log, star date 21:34.5...
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
Quantity is no substitute for quality, but its the only one we've got.
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
Memory should be the starting point of the present.
Old programmers never die, they just hit account block limit.
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
May a Misguided Platypus lay its Eggs in your Jockey Shorts.
Trying to get an education here is like trying to get a drink from a fire hose.
We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal.
Phone call for chucky-pooh.
Garbage In -- Gospel Out.
Madness takes its toll.
You'll feel much better once you've given up hope.
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
You will get what you deserve.
I wonder if I should put myself in ESCROW!!
<netgod> Feanor: u have no idea of the depth of the stupidty of american law
Everything should be built top-down, except this time.
Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -Samuel Goldwyn
If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success.
Do not exceed recommended dosage.
Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
Disks travel in packs.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationships.
Now I am depressed ...
There's no future in time travel.
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
Nietzsche is pietzsche, but Schiller is killer, and Goethe is moethe.
The person who makes no mistakes does not usually make anything.
Inspired by a true story.
snafu = Situation Normal All F%$*ed up
Life exists for no known purpose.
He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
Everyone talks about apathy, but no one ____does anything about it.
Happiness is twin floppies.
UNIX enhancements aren't.
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
If you can read this, you're too close.
The way some people find fault, you'd think there was some kind of reward.
A rolling disk gathers no MOS.
All I ask of life is a constant and exaggerated sense of my own importance.
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
May all your PUSHes be POPped.
Sure he's sharp as a razor ... he's a two-dimensional pinhead!
"I'd love to go out with you, but I want to spend more time with my blender."
You can create your own opportunities this week.  Blackmail a senior executive.
Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward.
Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
I used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance.
The wages of sin are high but you get your money's worth.
He who laughs last usually had to have joke explained.
Gee, Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
The giraffe you thought you offended last week is willing to be nuzzled today.
Love the sea?  I dote upon it -- from the beach.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
And now for something completely the same.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Must be under 48 inches in height.
Offer limited to residents of the contiguous United States.
Just give Alice some pencils and she will stay busy for hours.
Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
Know thyself.  If you need help, call the C.I.A.
Don't get to bragging.
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't handle science fiction.
Contains no artificial colors or ingredients.
A beer delayed is a beer denied.
The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Great minds run in great circles.
Cold hands, no gloves.
We are now enjoying total mutual interaction in an imaginary hot tub ...
Why do we want intelligent terminals  when there are so many stupid users?
He who laughs, lasts.
No yak too dirty; no dumpster too hollow.
Tonight's the night: Sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Never trust a computer you can't repair yourself.
"Apathy is not the problem, it's the solution"
Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.   -- David Letterman
Pause for storage relocation.
What does it mean if there is no fortune for you?
Communicate!  It can't make things any worse.
Do you think that illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Trap full -- please empty.
Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants in Marshalltown, Iowa.
You are in a maze of little twisting passages, all different.
Do your part to help preserve life on Earth -- by trying to preserve your own.
All names listed are proprietary trademarks of their respective corporations.
All international orders must be accompanied by payment in U. S. funds.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside down.
A man who keeps stealing mopeds is an obvious cycle-path.
I'm sorry if the correct way of doing things offends you.
Good news.  Ten weeks from Friday will be a pretty good day.
Employees and their families are not eligible.
Are you having fun yet?
To any truly impartial person, it would be obvious that I am always right.
news: gotcha
Save the whales.  Collect the whole set.
Professional sample - not for sale.
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life.
It's always darkest just before it gets pitch black.
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
Yow!  Are we laid back yet?
Ask not for whom the <CONTROL-G> tolls.
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
A day without sunshine is like night.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
This end up.
You now have Asian Flu.
Always wear your seat belt.
If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television?
When in doubt, do what the President does -- guess.
"He's the kind of man for the times that need the kind of man he is ..."
Every time I look at you I am more convinced of Darwin's theory.
What this country needs is a good five cent microcomputer.
You will have a long and unpleasant discussion with your supervisor.
The time is right to make new friends.
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling.
Don't panic.
That that is is that that is not is not.
If bankers can count, how come they have eight windows and only four tellers?
All is fear in love and war.
Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
You will not be elected to public office this year.
Honk if you are against noise pollution!
Ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny.
A penny saved kills your career in government.
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on vacation.
For recreational use only.
Mene, mene, tekel, upharsen.
The best thing that comes out of Iowa is I-80.
"But what we need to know is, do people want nasally-insertable computers?"
Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute.
Dungeons and Dragons is just a lot of Saxon Violence.
fortune: cpu time/usefulness ratio too high -- core dumped.
Look!  Before our very eyes, the future is becoming the past.
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
Today is National Existential Ennui Awareness Day.
I've already told you more than I know.
Maybe we could paint GOLDIE HAWN a rich PRUSSIAN BLUE --
Time and tide wait for no man.
This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
You should all JUMP UP AND DOWN for TWO HOURS while I decide on a NEW CAREER!!
Kids always brighten up a house; mostly by leaving the lights on.
No directory.
I'm starting to think the gene pool could use a little chlorine.
You are an insult to my intelligence!  I demand that you log off immediately.
Hope that the day after you die is a nice day.
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
Marriage is learning about women the hard way.
Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded.
To see a need and wait to be asked, is to already refuse.
Not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
Do you know Montana?
... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last Tuesday?
Nothing in life is to be feared.  It is only to be understood.
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
Too much is not enough.
TAILFINS!! ... click ...
Remember Darwin; building a better mousetrap merely results in smarter mice.
Was my SOY LOAF left out in th'RAIN?  It tastes REAL GOOD!!
Texas law forbids anyone to have a pair of pliers in his possession.
It's a lot of fun being alive ... I wonder if my bed is made?!?
List each check separately by bank number.
Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.
When you dig another out of trouble, you've got a place to bury your own.
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
It is better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.
I'm having a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE ... and I don't take any DRUGS
Half a mind is a terrible thing to waste!
Small is beautiful.
The meek are contesting the will.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war.
Pie are not square.  Pie are round.  Cornbread are square.
It is better to have loved and lost -- much better.
PARDON me, am I speaking ENGLISH?
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Love thy neighbor, tune thy piano.
Creativity is no substitute for knowing what you are doing.
New England Life, of course.  Why do you ask?
People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.
Most public domain software is free, at least at first glance.
Not every question deserves an answer.
A tall, dark stranger will have more fun than you.
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
Many people are secretly interested in life.
No skis take rocks like rental skis!
He who is flogged by fate and laughs the louder is a masochist.
The eyes of taxes are upon you.
I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail your friends.
Dreams are free, but there's a small charge for alterations.
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
Dieters live life in the fasting lane.
Seeing is believing.  You wouldn't have seen it if you hadn't believed it.
Oh, Aunty Em, it's so good to be home!
You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
* bma wonders if this will make the Knghtbrd .sig
Are we THERE yet?
Parts that positively cannot be assembled in improper order will be.
"See - the thing is - I'm an absolutist.  I mean, kind of ... in a way ..."
Nihilism should commence with oneself.
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
Must be over 21.
Reply hazy, ask again later.
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.
Jesuit priests are DATING CAREER DIPLOMATS!!
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Penalty for private use.
Murphy's Law is recursive.  Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Have at you!
Not responsible for merchandise left over 30 days.
My uncle Murray conquered Egypt in 53 B.C.  And I can prove it too!!
So many women; so little nerve.
Sentient plasmoids are a gas.
ONE LIFE TO LIVE for ALL MY CHILDREN in ANOTHER WORLD all THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
Nothing happens.
Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world isn't out to get you.
Of ______course it's the murder weapon.  Who would frame someone with a fake?
You will visit the Dung Pits of Glive soon.
Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it. -Irene Peter
Never let your schooling interfere with your education.
Do you have lysdexia?
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
People humiliating a salami!
You're at Witt's End.
If wishes were horses, then beggars would be thieves.
The meek shall inherit the earth -- they are too weak to refuse.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Real programs don't eat cache.
A day without sunshine is like a day without Anita Bryant.
panic: kernel trap (ignored)
Higher education helps your earning capacity.  Ask any college professor.
Yes, but which self do you want to be?
1: No code table for op: ++post
"Maybe we can get together and show off to each other sometimes."
There's nothing like good food, good wine, and a bad girl.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
<Manoj> shaleh: I am not, despite your implication, God
I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
The devil finds work for idle circuits to do.
I am a traffic light, and Alan Ginzberg kidnapped my laundry in 1927!
Get hold of portable property.  -- Charles Dickens, "Great Expectations"
This page intentionally left blank.
Many are called, few volunteer.
Oh, I get it!!  "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
Are you still an ALCOHOLIC?
Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain.  He died in Washington, D.C.
Remember -- only 10% of anything can be in the top 10%.
Where's th' DAFFY DUCK EXHIBIT??
What will you do if all your problems aren't solved by the time you die?
Type louder, please.
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
The Killer Ducks are coming!!!
History is on our side (as long as we can control the historians).
If you can't read this, blame a teacher.
I'm successful because I'm lucky.   The harder I work, the luckier I get.
The best prophet of the future is the past.
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
Have you locked your file cabinet?
Opened for inspection.
About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.
BOO!  We changed Coke again!  BLEAH!  BLEAH!
You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to?
If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
The sum of the Universe is zero.
Advice is a dangerous gift; be cautious about giving and receiving it.
Is your job running?  You'd better go catch it!
Been Transferred Lately?
Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the lights?
Evolution is a million line computer program falling into place by accident.
Not a flying toy.
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
In 1869 the waffle iron was invented for people who had wrinkled waffles.
Boy!  Eucalyptus!
Help!  I'm trapped in a PDP 11/70!
Boys, you have ALL been selected to LEAVE th' PLANET in 15 minutes!!
Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud tie.
<Espy> we need to split main into"core" and "wtf-uses-this"
It's clever, but is it art?
Avoid strange women and temporary variables.
You can't break eggs without making an omelet.
I don't understand you anymore.
Beware the new TTY code!
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in contact.
When in doubt, follow your heart.
Calm down, it's *____only* ones and zeroes.
Sometimes love ain't nothing but a misunderstanding between two fools.
"Can you program?"  "Well, I'm literate, if that's what you mean!"
Forest fires cause Smokey Bears.
Support your local police force -- steal!!
This must be morning.  I never could get the hang of mornings.
The price of greatness is responsibility.
My life is a patio of fun!
The SAME WAVE keeps coming in and COLLAPSING like a rayon MUU-MUU ...
A king's castle is his home.
Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself.
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
But they went to MARS around 1953!!
FACILITY REJECTED 100044200000;
Limited delivery area.
It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
Vests are to suits as seat-belts are to cars.
The software required Win95 or better, so I installed Linux.
Yow!  I threw up on my window!
Waste not, get your budget cut next year.
PLUG IT IN!!!
I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
f u cn rd ths, u r prbbly a lsy spllr.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight.
Mistrust first impulses; they are always right.
Forms follow function, and often obliterate it.
Our similarities are different. -Dale Berra, son of Yogi
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I haven't lost my mind; I know exactly where I left it.
It is amazing how complete is the delusion that beauty is goodness.
Most people prefer certainty to truth.
Each person has the right to take the subway.
A good supervisor can step on your toes without messing up your shine.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you.
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
Mommy, what happens to your files when you die?
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
We are not a clone.
New York is real.  The rest is done with mirrors.
I hope the ``Eurythmics'' practice birth control ...
It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
A person is just about as big as the things that make them angry.
Printed on recycled paper.
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
Sic Transit Gloria Thursdi.
Don't you feel more like you do now than you did when you came in?
Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
Men love to wonder, and that is the seed of science.
Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!
Jesus is my POSTMASTER GENERAL ...
You have been selected for a secret mission.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
Love is staying up all night with a sick child, or a healthy adult.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
If you knew what to say next, would you say it?
Not for human consumption.
Half Moon tonight.  (At least it's better than no Moon at all.)
I wouldn't be so paranoid if you weren't all out to get me!!
The words fly away, the writings remain.
To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
This space intentionally left blank.
Where will it all end?  Probably somewhere near where it all began.
It would be nice to be sure of anything the way some people are of everything.
Let's all show human CONCERN for REVERAND MOON's legal difficulties!!
My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.
Computer programmers never die, they just get lost in the processing.
In every non-trivial program there is at least one bug.
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
Paralysis through analysis.
<doogie> dpkg has bugs?  no way!
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
See label for sequence.
Information is the inverse of entropy.
Loud burping while walking around the airport is prohibited in Halstead, Kansas.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Mother Earth is not flat!
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Love is sentimental measles.
Before I knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone.
This ASEXUAL PIG really BOILS my BLOOD ... He's so ... so ... URGENT!!
You'll be sorry...
Your fly might be open (but don't check it just now).
War doesn't prove who's right, just who's left.
Contents may settle during shipment.
"Help save the world!"              -- Larry Wall in README
National security is in your hands - guard it well.
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
One organism, one vote.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.
Shake well before using.
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
May your camel be as swift as the wind.
<liiwi> udp - universal dropping of an pigeon
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
Th' MIND is the Pizza Palace of th' SOUL
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
MAC user's dynamic debugging list evaluator?  Never heard of that.
If life is a stage, I want some better lighting.
Stay away from hurricanes for a while.
Never argue with a fool -- people might not be able to tell the difference.
Who is W.O. Baker, and why is he saying those terrible things about me?
Excessive login or logout messages are a sure sign of senility.
A penny saved has not been spent.
Girls really do know just what they want -- you to figure it out for yourself!
Do not cut switchbacks.
The world is coming to an end!  Repent and return those library books!
When nothing can possibly go wrong, it will.
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
This login session: $13.76, but for you $11.88.
Acting is an art which consists of keeping the audience from coughing.
Am I accompanied by a PARENT or GUARDIAN?
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes.
Life is a healthy respect for mother nature laced with greed.
Best of all is never to have been born.  Second best is to die soon.
Virginia law forbids bathtubs in the house; tubs must be kept in the yard.
Your sister swims out to meet troop ships.
The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors.
You do not have mail.
I'm not prejudiced, I hate everyone equally.
Laughing at you is like drop-kicking a wounded humming bird.
TRANSACTION CANCELLED - FARECARD RETURNED
Optimization hinders evolution.
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
You are always busy.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.
Aren't you glad you're not getting all the government you pay for now?
If there are epigrams, there must be meta-epigrams.
I'll be Grateful when they're Dead.
This supersedes all previous notices.
The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all your time.
I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!
... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me.
Kitchen activity is highlighted.  Butter up a friend.
You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize... posthumously.
Science is to computer science as hydrodynamics is to plumbing.
Journalism will kill you, but it will keep you alive while you're at it.
I can read your mind, and you should be ashamed of yourself.
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
<Knghtbrd> Leave it to manoj to call procmail "puny"
Make it right before you make it faster.
If you're constantly being mistreated, you're cooperating with the treatment.
Psychoanalysis??  I thought this was a nude rap session!!!
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
I either want less decadence or more chance to participate in it.
Slowly and surely the unix crept up on the Nintendo user ...
GIVE UP!!!!
Are you making all this up as you go along?
I'm not going to say, "I told you so."
Don't despair; your ideal lover is waiting for you around the corner.
An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
You can move the world with an idea, but you have to think of it first.
It is difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys.
<Culus-> libc6 is not essential :|
No line available at 300 baud.
We have ears, earther...FOUR OF THEM!
Why isn't there some cheap and easy way to prove how much she means to me?
Life is not for everyone.
The only thing cheaper than hardware is talk.
Are you sure the back door is locked?
... I want to perform cranial activities with Tuesday Weld!!
A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
Sears has everything.
THEGODDESSOFTHENETHASTWISTINGFINGERSANDHERVOICEISLIKEAJAVELININTHENIGHTDUDE
Q:	How do you keep a moron in suspense?
Please take note:
I feel like I'm in a Toilet Bowl with a thumbtack in my forehead!!
If we won't stand together, we don't stand a chance.
MESSAGE ACKNOWLEDGED -- The Pershing II missiles have been launched.
Sign my PETITION.
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
Batteries not included.
Dental health is next to mental health.
Mother is the invention of necessity.
When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
I am what you will be; I was what you are.
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
This sentence no verb.
A woman was in love with fourteen soldiers.  It was clearly platoonic.
No passing.
As a goatherd learns his trade by goat, so a writer learns his trade by wrote.
You will contract a rare disease.
186,000 Miles per Second.  It's not just a good idea.  IT'S THE LAW.
In Lexington, Kentucky, it's illegal to carry an ice cream cone in your pocket.
Must be over 18.
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Someday you'll get your big chance -- or have you already had it?
Marriage is the waste-paper basket of the emotions.
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
Can't open /usr/share/games/fortunes/fortunes.dat.
I'm having a BIG BANG THEORY!!
A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.
Yow!  Are we wet yet?
Have an adequate day.
Oh Dad!  We're ALL Devo!
Where's SANDY DUNCAN?
Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong.
Process promptly.
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
The wages of sin are unreported.
Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
Beam me up, Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here!
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
Death is nature's way of saying `Howdy'.
Which is worse: ignorance or apathy?  Who knows?  Who cares?
Should I get locked in the PRINCICAL'S OFFICE today -- or have a VASECTOMY??
Did I say I was a sardine?  Or a bus???
Alex Haley was adopted!
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Lost: gray and white female cat.  Answers to electric can opener.
This fortune was brought to you by the people at Hewlett-Packard.
Do you have exactly what I want in a plaid poindexter bar bat??
If you want to know how old a man is, ask his brother-in-law.
May you have many beautiful and obedient daughters.
Even moderation ought not to be practiced to excess.
<Apple_IIe> anyone seen my 80 column card?
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
If your life was a horse, you'd have to shoot it.
Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips.
You will inherit millions of dollars.
Expansion means complexity; and complexity decay.
Yow!  Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
<Kethryvis> Gruuk: UFies are above and beyond the human race :)
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
Death has been proven to be 99% fatal in laboratory rats.
Christ was born in 4 B.C.
Recursion is the root of computation since it trades description for time.
Let's send the Russians defective lifestyle accessories!
Go to a movie tonight.  Darkness becomes you.
I demand IMPUNITY!
LBJ, LBJ, how many JOKES did you tell today??!
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.