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Reference card starting identifier; not an assertion of verse-by-verse correspondence.
Character content, notes, stage directions and front matter are preserved from the source, apart from expansion of XML character entities and the single Beta Code speaker-label conversion recorded in the inventory. Legacy card divisions are retained; explicit card milestones align the translation to the canonical Greek reference. Boundary adjustments are recorded in the migration inventory. Source line milestones remain reference anchors, not newly inferred translation verse numbers.
[Translator uncredited. Footnotes have been retained because they provide the meanings of Greek names, terms and ceremonies and explain puns and references otherwise lost in translation. Occasional Greek words in the footnotes have not been included. Footnote numbers, in brackets, start anew at [1] for each piece of dialogue, and each footnote follows immediately the dialogue to which it refers, labeled thus: f[1].
This is the first of the series of three Comedies—
Its diatribes against the War and fierce criticism of the general policy of the War party so enraged Cleon that, as already mentioned, he endeavoured to ruin the author, who in
The plot is of the simplest. peace at any price,
to conclude a private and
particular peace of his own to cover himself, his family, and his estate. The
Athenians, momentarily elated by victory and over-persuaded by the
demagogues of the day—Cleon and his henchmen, refuse to hear of such a
thing as coming to terms. Accordingly
Incidentally excellent fun is poked at Euripides and his dramatic methods, which supply matter for so much witty badinage in several others of our author's pieces.
Other specially comic incidents are: the scene where the two young
daughters of the famished Megarian are sold in the market at pudendum muliebre
respectively is
utilized in a whole string of ingenious and suggestive double entendres
and ludicrous jokes; another where the Informer, or Market-Spy, is packed
up in a crate as crockery and carried off home by the Boeotian buyer.
The drama takes its title from the Chorus, composed of old men of Acharnae.
a just citizen.
What cares have not gnawed at my heart and how few have been the
pleasures in my life! Four, to be exact, while my troubles have been
as countless as the grains of sand on the shore! Let me see! of what
value to me have been these few pleasures? Ah! I remember that I was
delighted in soul when Cleon had to disgorge those five talents;it is an honour to
Telephus.
Theognis,
Just imagine how this blow struck
straight at my heart! On the other hand, what joy Dexitheus caused
me at the musical competition, when he played a Boeotian melody
on the lyre! But this year by contrast! Oh! what deadly torture
to hear Chaerissnow.
buy fuel, vinegar or oil
; there the word buy,
which
cuts me in two, was unknown; I harvested everything at will. Therefore
I have come to the assembly fully prepared to bawl, interrupt and
abuse the speakers, if they talk of anything but peace. But here come the
Prytanes, and high time too, for it is midday! As I foretold, hah! is it
not so? They are pushing and fighting for the front seats.
Move on up, move on, move on, to get within the consecrated area.
Has anyone spoken yet?
Who asks to speak?
I do.
Your name?
Amphitheus.
You are no man.god.
No! I am an immortal! Amphitheus was the son of Ceres and
Triptolemus; of him was born Celeus. Celeus wedded Phaenerete, my
grandmother, whose son was Lucinus, and, being born of him I am an
immortal; it is to me alone that the gods have entrusted the duty of
treating with the Lacedaemonians. But, citizens, though I am immortal,
I am dying of hunger; the Prytanes give me naught.
Guards!
Oh, Triptolemus and Ceres, do ye thus forsake your own blood?
Prytanes, in expelling this citizen, you are offering an outrage to the Assembly. He only desired to secure peace for us and to sheathe the sword.
Sit down and keep silence!
No, by Apollo, I will not, unless you are going to discuss the question of peace.
The ambassadors, who are returned from the Court of the King!
Of what King? I am sick of all those fine birds, the peacock ambassadors and their swagger.
Silence!
Oh! oh! by
During the archonship of Euthymenes, you sent us to the Great King on a salary of two drachmae per diem.
Ah! those poor drachmae!
We suffered horribly on the plains of the Cayster, sleeping under a tent, stretched deliciously on fine chariots, half dead with weariness.
And I was very much at ease, lying on the straw along the
battlements!
Everywhere we were well received and forced to drink delicious wine out of golden or crystal flagons....
Oh, city of Cranaus,
For great feeders and heavy drinkers are alone esteemed as men by the barbarians.
Just as here in
At the end of the fourth year we reached the King's Court, but
he had left with his whole army to ease himself, and for the space of
eight months he was thus easing himself in the midst of the golden
mountains.
And how long was he replacing his dress?
The whole period of a full moon; after which he returned to his palace; then he entertained us and had us served with oxen roasted whole in an oven.
Who ever saw an oxen baked in an oven? What a lie!
On my honour, he also had us served with a bird three
times as large as Cleonymus,
And do we give you two drachmae, that you should treat us to all this humbug?
We are bringing to you Pseudartabas
I would a crow might pluck out thine with his beak, you cursed ambassador!
The King's Eye!
Eh! Great Gods! Friend, with thy great eye, round like the hole through which the oarsman passes his sweep, you have the air of a galley doubling a cape to gain port.
Come, Pseudartabas, give forth the message for the Athenians with which you were charged by the Great King.
Jartaman exarx 'anapissonia satra.
Do you understand what he says?
By Apollo, not I!
He says that the Great King will send you gold. Come, utter the word
gold
louder and more distinctly.
Thou shalt not have gold, thou gaping-arsed Ionian.Ionians
without distinction; here the Athenians are intended.
Ah! may the gods forgive me, but that is clear enough!
What does he say?
That the Ionians are debauchees and idiots, if they expect to receive gold from the barbarians.
Not so, he speaks of medimni
What medimni? Thou are but a great braggart; but get your way; I
will find out the truth by myself. Come now, answer me clearly, if you
do not wish me to dye your skin red. Will the Great King send us gold?
Silence! Let all be seated. The Senate invites the King's Eye to the
Prytaneum.
Is this not sufficient to drive one to hang oneself? Here I stand chilled to the bone, whilst the doors of the Prytaneum fly wide open to lodge such rascals. But I will do something great and bold. Where is Amphitheus? Come and speak with me.
Here I am.
Take these eight drachmae and go and conclude a truce with the Lacedaemonians for me, my wife and my children; I leave you free, my dear citizens, to send out embassies and to stand gaping in the air.
Bring in Theorus, who has returned from the Court of Sitalces.
I am here.
Another humbug!
We should not have remained long in
Forsooth, no, if you had not been well paid.
...if the country had not been covered with snow; the rivers were
ice-bound at the time that TheognisHow beautiful are the Athenians!
His
son, to whom we gave the freedom of the city, burned with desire to
come here and eat chitterlings at the feast of the Apaturia;What a cloud of grasshoppers!
May I die if I believe a word of what you tell us! Excepting the grasshoppers, there is not a grain of truth in it all!
And he has sent you the most warlike soldiers of all
Now we shall begin to see clearly.
Come hither, Thracians, whom Theorus brought.
What plague have we here?
'Tis the host of the Odomanti.
Of the Odomanti? Tell me what it means. Who has mutilated them like this?
If they are given a wage of two drachmae, they will put all
Two drachmae to those circumcised hounds! Groan aloud, ye people
of rowers, bulwark of
Oh! wretched man! do not go near them; they have eaten garlic
Prytanes, will you let me be treated in this manner, in my own
country and by barbarians? But I oppose the discussion of paying
a wage to the Thracians; I announce an omen; I have just felt a drop
of rain.
Let the Thracians withdraw and return the day after tomorrow; the Prytanes declare the sitting at an end.
Ye gods, what garlic I have lost! But here comes Amphitheus
returned from
No, there is no welcome for me and I fly as fast as I can, for I am pursued by the Acharnians.
Why, what has happened?
I was hurrying to bring your treaty of truce, but some old dotards
from AcharnaeWretch! you are the bearer of
a treaty, and the enemy has only just cut our vines!
Meanwhile they
were gathering stones in their cloaks, so I fled and they ran after
me shouting.
Let 'em shout as much as they please! But HAVE you brought me a treaty?
Most certainly, here are three samples to select from,
Faugh!
Well?
It does not please me; it smells of pitch and of the ships they are
fitting out.
Here is another, ten years old; taste it.
It smells strongly of the delegates, who go around the towns
to chide the allies for their slowness.
This last is a truce of thirty years, both on sea and land.
Oh! by Bacchus! what a bouquet! It has the aroma of nectar and
ambrosia; this does not say to us, Provision yourselves for three
days.
But it lisps the gentle numbers, Go whither you will.
And I shall run away, for I'm mortally afraid of the Acharnians.
This way all! Let us follow our man; we will demand him of everyone we meet; the public weal makes his seizure imperative. Ho, there! tell me which way the bearer of the truce has gone; he has escaped us, he has disappeared.
Curse old age! When I was young, in the days
when I followed Phayllus,five exercises.
but now my limbs are stiff; old Lacratides
to conclude a truce, when I wanted the war continued with double fury in order to avenge my ruined lands. No mercy for our foes until I have pierced their hearts like sharp reed, so that they dare never again ravage my vineyards.
Come, let us seek the rascal; let us look everywhere, carrying our stones in our hands; let us hunt him from place to place until we trap him; I could never, never tire of the delight of stoning him.
Peace! profane men!
Silence all! Friends, do you hear the sacred formula? Here is he, whom we seek! This way, all! Get out of his way, surely he comes to offer an oblation.
Peace, profane men! Let the basket-bearerPhallics,
full of obscenity and suggestive double entendres.
Daughter, set down the basket and let us begin the sacrifice.
Mother, hand me the ladle, that I may spread the sauce on the cake.
It is well! Oh, mighty Bacchus, it is with joy that, freed from military duty, I and all mine perform this solemn rite and offer thee this sacrifice; grant that I may keep the rural Dionysia without hindrance and that this truce of thirty years may be propitious for me.
Come, my child, carry the basket gracefully and with a grave, demure
face. Happy he, who shall be your possessor and embrace you so firmly
at dawn,
Xanthias, walk behind the basket-bearer and hold the phallus well
erect; I will follow, singing the Phallic hymn; thou, wife, look on from
the top of the terrace.
Oh, Phales,
It is he, he himself. Stone him, stone him, stone him, strike the wretch. All, all of you, pelt him, pelt him!
What is this? By Heracles, you will smash my pot.
It is you that we are stoning, you miserable scoundrel.
And for what sin, Acharnian Elders, tell me that!
You ask that, you impudent rascal, traitor to your country; you alone amongst us all have concluded a truce, and you dare to look us in the face!
But you do not know WHY I have treated for peace. Listen!
Listen to you? No, no, you are about to die, we will annihilate you with our stones.
But first of all, listen. Stop, my friends.
I will hear nothing; do not address me; I hate you more than I
do Cleon,
Listen to your long speeches, after you have treated with the Laconians? No, I will punish you.
Friends, leave the Laconians out of debate and consider only whether I have not done well to conclude my truce.
Done well! when you have treated with a people who know neither gods, nor truth, nor faith.
We attribute too much to the Laconians; as for myself, I know that they are not the cause of all our troubles.
Oh, indeed, rascal! You dare to use such language to me and then expect me to spare you!
No, no, they are not the cause of all our troubles, and I who address you claim to be able to prove that they have much to complain of in us.
This passes endurance; my heart bounds with fury. Thus you dare to defend our enemies.
Were my head on the block I would uphold what I say and rely on the approval of the people.
Comrades, let us hurl our stones and dye this fellow purple.
What black fire-brand has inflamed your heart! You will not hear me? You really will not, Acharnians?
No, a thousand times, no.
This is a hateful injustice.
May I die, if I listen.
Nay, nay! have mercy, have mercy, Acharnians.
You shall die.
Well, blood for blood! I will kill your dearest friend. I have
here the hostages of Acharnae;
Acharnians, what means this threat? Has he got one of our children in his house? What gives him such audacity?
Stone me, if it please you; I shall avenge myself on this.
Great Gods! this basket is our fellow-citizen. Stop, stop, in heaven's name!
I shall dismember it despite your cries; I will listen to nothing.
How! will you kill this coal-basket, my beloved comrade?
Just now, you would not listen to me.
Well, speak now, if you will; tell us, tell us you have a weakness for the Lacedaemonians. I consent to anything; never will I forsake this dear little basket.
First, throw down your stones.
There! 'tis done. And you, do put away your sword.
Let me see that no stones remain concealed in your cloaks.
They are all on the ground; see how we shake our garments. Come,
no haggling, lay down your sword; we threw away everything while
crossing from one side of the stage to the other.
What cries of anguish you would have uttered had these coals of
Parnes
Well then, bring out a block before your door, scoundrel, and let us hear the good grounds you can give us; I am curious to know them. Now mind, as you proposed yourself, place your head on the block and speak.
Here is the block; and, though I am but a very sorry speaker, I
wish nevertheless to talk freely of the Lacedaemonians and without the
protection of my buckler. Yet I have many reasons for fear. I know our
rustics; they are delighted if some braggart comes, and rightly or
wrongly, loads both them and their city with praise and flattery; they
do not see that such toad-eaters
What evasions, subterfuges and delays! Hold! here is the sombre
helmet of Pluto with its thick bristling plume; Hieronymus
The time has come for me to manifest my courage, so I will go and seek Euripides. Ho! slave, slave!
Who's there?
Is Euripides at home?
He is and he isn't; understand that, if you have wit for't.
How? He is and he isn't!
Certainly, old man; busy gathering subtle fancies here and there, his mind is not in the house, but he himself is; perched aloft, he is composing a tragedy.
Oh, Euripides, you are indeed happy to have a slave so quick at repartee! Now, fellow, call your master.
Impossible!
So much the worse. But I will not go. Come, let us knock at the door. Euripides, my little Euripides, my darling Euripides, listen; never had man greater right to your pity. It is Dicaeopolis of the Chollidan Deme who calls you. Do you hear?
I have no time to waste.
Very well, have yourself wheeled out here.
Impossible.
Nevertheless...
Well, let them roll me out; as to coming down, I have not the time.
Euripides....
What words strike my ear?
You perch aloft to compose tragedies, when you might just as
well do them on the ground. I am not astonished at your introducing
cripples on the stage.
What rags do you prefer? Those in which I rigged out Aeneus
No, I want those of some hero still more unfortunate.
Of Phoenix, the blind man?
No, not of Phoenix, you have another hero more unfortunate than him.
Now, what tatters DOES he want? Do you mean those of the beggar Philoctetes?
No, of another far more the mendicant.
Is it the filthy dress of the lame fellow, Bellerophon?
No, 'tis not Bellerophon; he, whom I mean, was not only lame and a beggar, but boastful and a fine speaker.
Ah! I know, it is Telephus, the Mysian.
Yes, Telephus. Give me his rags, I beg of you.
Slave! give him Telephus' tatters; they are on top of the rags of Thyestes and mixed with those of Ino.
Catch hold! here they are.
Oh! Zeus, whose eye pierces everywhere and embraces all, permit me
to assume the most wretched dress on earth. Euripides, cap your
kindness by giving me the little Mysian hat, that goes so well with
these tatters. I must to-day have the look of a beggar; be what I am,
but not appear to be
;
I will give you the hat; I love the clever tricks of an ingenious brain like yours.
Rest happy, and may it befall Telephus as I wish. Ah! I already feel myself filled with quibbles. But I must have a beggar's staff.
Here you are, and now get you gone from this porch.
Oh, my soul! You see how you are driven from this house, when I still need so many accessories. But let us be pressing, obstinate, importunate. Euripides, give me a little basket with a lamp alight inside.
Whatever do you want such a thing as that for?
I do not need it, but I want it all the same.
You importune me; get you gone!
Alas! may the gods grant you a destiny as brilliant as your
mother's.
Leave me in peace.
Oh, just a little broken cup.
Take it and go and hang yourself. What a tiresome fellow!
Ah! you do not know all the pain you cause me. Dear, good Euripides, nothing beyond a small pipkin stoppered with a sponge.
Miserable man! You are robbing me of an entire tragedy.
I am going, but, great gods! I need one thing more; unless I have it, I am a dead man. Hearken, my little Euripides, only give me this and I go, never to return. For pity's sake, do give me a few small herbs for my basket.
You wish to ruin me then. Here, take what you want; but it is all over with my pieces!
I won't ask another thing; I'm going. I am too importunate and forget that I rouse against me the hate of kings.—Ah! wretch that I am! I am lost! I have forgotten one thing, without which all the rest is as nothing. Euripides, my excellent Euripides, my dear little Euripides, may I die if I ask you again for the smallest present; only one, the last, absolutely the last; give me some of the chervil your mother left you in her will.
Insolent hound! Slave, lock the door!
Oh, my soul! I must go away without the chervil. Art thou sensible of the dangerous battle we are about to engage upon in defending the Lacedaemonians? Courage, my soul, we must plunge into the midst of it. Dost thou hesitate and art thou fully steeped in Euripides? That's right! do not falter, my poor heart, and let us risk our head to say what we hold for truth. Courage and boldly to the front. I wonder I am so brave.
What do you purport doing? what are you going to say? What an impudent fellow! what a brazen heart! to dare to stake his head and uphold an opinion contrary to that of us all! And he does not tremble to face this peril. Come, it is you who desired it, speak!
Spectators, be not angered if, although I am a beggar, I dare in
a Comedy to speak before the people of
I detest the Lacedaemonians with all my heart, and may Poseidon,
the god of Taenarus,The Earthshaker,
god of earthquakes, as well as of the sea.Halloa! these come from
and their being
instantly confiscated. Thus far the evil was not serious and we were
the only sufferers. But now some young drunkards go to That
the Megarians be banished both from our land and from our markets
and from the sea and from the continent.
You will say that
Oh! wretch! oh! infamous man! You are naught but a beggar and yet you dare to talk to us like this! you insult their worships the informers!
By Poseidon! he speaks the truth; he has not lied in a single detail.
But though it be true, need he say it? But you'll have no great cause to be proud of your insolence!
Where are you running to? Don't you move; if you strike this man, I shall be at you.
Lamachus, whose glance flashes lightning, whose plume petrifies thy foes, help! Oh! Lamachus, my friend, the hero of my tribe and all of you, both officers and soldiers, defenders of our walls, come to my aid; else is it all over with me!
Whence comes this cry of battle? where must I bring my aid?
where must I sow dread? who wants me to uncase my dreadful Gorgon's
head?
Oh, Lamachus, great hero! Your plumes and your cohorts terrify me.
This man, Lamachus, incessantly abuses
You are but a mendicant and you dare to use language of this sort?
Oh, brave Lamachus, forgive a beggar who speaks at hazard.
But what have you said? Let us hear.
I know nothing about it; the sight of weapons makes me dizzy. Oh! I adjure you, take that fearful Gorgon somewhat farther away.
There.
Now place it face downwards on the ground.
It is done.
Give me a plume out of your helmet.
Here is a feather.
And hold my head while I vomit; the plumes have turned my stomach.
Hah! what are you proposing to do? do you want to make yourself vomit with this feather?
Is it a feather? what bird's? a braggart's?
Ah! ah! I will rip you open.
No, no, Lamachus! Violence is out of place here! But as you are so strong, why did you not circumcise me? You have all the tools you want for the operation there.
A beggar dares thus address a general!
How? Am I a beggar?
What are you then?
Who am I? A good citizen, not ambitious; a soldier, who has fought well since the outbreak of the war, whereas you are but a vile mercenary.
They elected me...
Yes, three cuckoos did!ridiculous
which it is impossible to keep in English. Apparently the Athenians had sent embassies to all parts of the Greek world to arrange treaties of alliance in view of the struggle with the Lacedaemonians; but only young debauchees of aristocratic connections had been chosen as envoys.
They were elected.
And why do you always receive your pay, when none of these
others ever gets any? Speak, Marilades, you have grey hair; well then,
have you ever been entrusted with a mission? See! he shakes his
head. Yet he is an active as well as a prudent man. And you, Dracyllus,
Euphorides or Prinides, have you knowledge of
Oh! in freedom's name! are such exaggerations to be borne?
Lamachus is well content; no doubt he is well paid, you know.
But I propose always to war with the Peloponnesians, both at sea, on land and everywhere to make them tremble, and trounce them soundly.
For my own part, I make proclamation to all Peloponnesians, Megarians and Boeotians, that to them my markets are open; but I debar Lamachus from entering them.
Convinced by this man's speech, the folk have changed their view
and approve him for having concluded peace. But let us prepare for the
recital of the parabasis.parabasis
in the Old Comedy was a sort of address or topical harangue addressed directly by the poet, speaking by the Chorus, to the audience. It was nearly always political in bearing, and the subject of the particular piece was for the time being set aside altogether.
Never since our poet presented Comedies, has he praised himself
upon the stage; but, having been slandered by his enemies amongst
the volatile Athenians, accused of scoffing at his country and of
insulting the people, to-day he wishes to reply and regain for himself
the inconstant Athenians. He maintains that he has done much that is
good for you; if you no longer allow yourselves to be too much
hoodwinked by strangers or seduced by flattery, if in politics you are
no longer the ninnies you once were, it is thanks to him. Formerly,
when delegates from other cities wanted to deceive you, they had but
to style you, the people crowned with violets,
and at the word
violets
you at once sat erect on the tips of your bums. Or if, to
tickle your vanity, someone spoke of rich and sleek
in
return for that sleekness
he would get all, because he spoke of you
as he would have of anchovies in oil. In cautioning you against
such wiles, the poet has done you great service as well as
in forcing you to understand what is really the democratic
principle. Thus, the strangers, who came to pay their tributes,
wanted to see this great poet, who had dared to speak the truth to
Happy that city,
he added, if it
listens to his counsel; it will grow in power, and its victory is
assured.
This is why the Lacedaemonians offer you peace, if you
will cede them
I scoff at Cleon's tricks and plotting; honesty and justice shall fight my cause; never will you find me a political poltroon, a prostitute to the highest bidder.
I invoke thee, Acharnian Muse, fierce and fell as the devouring fire; sudden as the spark that bursts from the crackling oaken coal when roused by the quickening fan to fry little fishes, while others knead the dough or whip the sharp Thasian pickle with rapid hand, so break forth, my Muse, and inspire thy tribesmen with rough, vigorous, stirring strains.
We others, now old men and heavy with years, we reproach the city;
so many are the victories we have gained for the Athenian fleets
that we well deserve to be cared for in our declining life; yet far
from this, we are ill-used, harassed with law-suits, delivered over to
the scorn of stripling orators. Our minds and bodies being ravaged
with age, Poseidon should protect us, yet we have no other support than
a staff. When standing before the judge, we can scarcely stammer forth
the fewest words, and of justice we see but its barest shadow, whereas
the accuser, desirous of conciliating the younger men, overwhelms us
with his ready rhetoric; he drags us before the judge, presses us with
questions, lays traps for us; the onslaught troubles, upsets and ruins
poor old Tithonus, who, crushed with age, stands tongue-tied;
sentenced to a fine,This fine robs me of the last trifle that was to have bought my coffin.
Is this not a scandal? What! the clepsydra
What an injustice that a man, bent with age like Thucydides, should be brow-beaten by this braggart advocate, Cephisodemus,
These are the confines of my market-place. All Peloponnesians,
Megarians, Boeotians, have the right to come and trade here,
provided they sell their wares to me and not to Lamachus. As
market-inspectors I appoint these three whips of Lepreanto denounce
).
Hail! market of
To be sold, to be sold!
That is my opinion too. But who would make so sorry a deal as to buy you? Ah! I recall me a Megarian trick; I am going to disguise you as little porkers, that I am offering for sale. Fit your hands with these hoofs and take care to appear the issue of a sow of good breed, for, if I am forced to take you back to the house, by Hermes! you will suffer cruelly of hunger! Then fix on these snouts and cram yourselves into this sack. Forget not to grunt and to say wee-wee like the little pigs that are sacrificed in the Mysteries. I must summon Dicaeopolis. Where is be? Dicaeopolis, do you want to buy some nice little porkers?
Who are you? a Megarian?
I have come to your market.
Well, how are things at
We are crying with hunger at our firesides.
The fireside is jolly enough with a piper. But what else is
doing at
What else? When I left for the market, the authorities were taking steps to let us die in the quickest manner.
That is the best way to get you out of all your troubles.
True.
What other news of
With us it is valued as highly as the very gods in heaven!
Is it salt that you are bringing?
Are you not holding back the salt?
'Tis garlic then?
What! garlic! do you not at every raid grub up the ground with your pikes to pull out every single head?
What DO you bring then?
Little sows, like those they immolate at the Mysteries.
Ah! very well, show me them.
They are very fine; feel their weight. See! how fat and fine.
But what is this?
A SOW, for a certainty.sow
and a woman's organs of generation.
You say a sow! Of what country, then?
From
No, I don't believe it is.
This is too much! what an incredulous man! He says 'tis not a sow; but we will stake, an you will, a measure of salt ground up with thyme, that in good Greek this is called a sow and nothing else.
But a sow of the human kind.
Without question, by Diocles! of my own breed! Well! What think you? will you hear them squeal?
Well, yes, I' faith, I will.
Cry quickly, wee sowlet; squeak up, hussy, or by Hermes! I take you back to the house.
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
Is that a little sow, or not?
Yes, it seems so; but let it grow up, and it will be a fine fat bitch.
In five years it will be just like its mother.
But it cannot be sacrificed.
And why not?
It has no tail.
Because it is quite young, but in good time it will have a big one, thick and red.
The two are as like as two peas.
They are born of the same father and mother; let them be fattened, let them grow their bristles, and they will be the finest sows you can offer to Aphrodite.
But sows are not immolated to Aphrodite.
Not sows to Aphrodite! Why, 'tis the only goddess to whom they are offered! the flesh of my sows will be excellent on the spit.
Can they eat alone? They no longer need their mother!
Certainly not, nor their father.
What do they like most?
Whatever is given them; but ask for yourself.
Speak! little sow.
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
Can you eat chick-pease?
Wee-wee, wee-wee, wee-wee!
And Attic figs?
Wee-wee, wee-wee!
What sharp squeaks at the name of figs. Come, let some figs be brought for these little pigs. Will they eat them? Goodness! how they munch them, what a grinding of teeth, mighty Heracles! I believe those pigs hail from the land of the Voracians. But surely 'tis impossible they have bolted all the figs!
Yes, certainly, bar this one that I took from them.
Ah! what funny creatures! For what sum will you sell them?
I will give you one for a bunch of garlic, and the other, if you like, for a quart measure of salt.
I buy them of you. Wait for me here.
The deal is done. Hermes, god of good traders, grant I may sell both my wife and my mother in the same way!
Hi! fellow, what countryman are you?
I am a pig-merchant from
I shall denounce both your pigs and yourself as public enemies.
Ah! here our troubles begin afresh!
Let go that sack. I will punish your Megarian lingo!
Dicaeopolis, Dicaeopolis, they want to denounce me.
Who dares do this thing? Inspectors, drive out the informers.
Ah! you offer to enlighten us without a lamp!to light
and to denounce.
What! I may not denounce our enemies?
Have a care for yourself, if you don't go off pretty quick to denounce elsewhere.
What a plague to
Be reassured, Megarian. Here is the price for your two swine, the garlic and the salt. Farewell and much happiness!
Ah! we never have that amongst us.
Well! may the inopportune wish apply to myself.
Farewell, dear little sows, and seek, far from your father, to munch your bread with salt, if they give you any.
Here is a man truly happy. See how everything succeeds to his
wish. Peacefully seated in his market, he will earn his living; woe to
Ctesias,
You will not
be cheated as to the value of wares, you will not again see Prepis
without being accosted on the public place by
any importunate fellow, neither by Cratinus,
You will not be the butt of the villainous
Pauson's
By Heracles! my shoulder is quite black and blue. Ismenias, put
the penny-royal down there very gently, and all of you, musicians
from
Enough, enough, get you gone. Rascally hornets, away with you!
Whence has sprung this accursed swarm of Charis
Ah! by Iolas!
Ah! good day, Boeotian, eater of good round loaves.
All that is good in
'Tis a very hail of birds that beats down on my market.
I also bring geese, hares, foxes, moles, hedgehogs, cats, lyres,
martins, otters and eels from the Copaic lake.
Ah! my friend, you, who bring me the most delicious of fish, let me salute your eels.
Come, thou, the eldest of my fifty Copaic virgins, come and complete the joy of our host.
Oh! my well-beloved, thou object of my long regrets, thou art here
at last then, thou, after whom the comic poets sigh, thou, who art
dear to Morychus.The Acharnians
to The Acharnians
to
And what will you give me in return?
It will pay for your market dues. And as to the rest, what do you wish to sell me?
Why, everything.
On what terms? For ready-money or in wares from these parts?
I would take some Athenian produce, that we have not got
in
Phaleric anchovies, pottery?
Anchovies, pottery? But these we have. I want produce that is wanting with us and that is plentiful here.
Ah! I have the very thing; take away an Informer, packed up carefully as crockery-ware.
By the twin gods! I should earn big money, if I took one; I would exhibit him as an ape full of spite.
Hah! here we have Nicarchus,
How small he is!
But in his case the whole is one mass of ill-nature.
Whose are these goods?
Mine; they come from
I denounce them as coming from an enemy's country.
What! you declare war against birds?
And I am going to denounce you too.
What harm have I done you?
I will say it for the benefit of those that listen; you introduce lamp-wicks from an enemy's country.
Then you go as far as denouncing a wick.
It needs but one to set an arsenal afire.
A wick set an arsenal ablaze! But how, great gods?
Should a Boeotian attach it to an insect's wing, and, taking advantage of a violent north wind, throw it by means of a tube into the arsenal and the fire once get hold of the vessels, everything would soon be devoured by the flames.
Ah! wretch! an insect and a wick devour everything!
You will bear witness, that he mishandles me.
Shut his mouth. Give me some hay; I am going to pack him up like a vase, that he may not get broken on the road.
Pack up your goods carefully, friend; that the stranger may not break it when taking it away.
I shall take great care with it, for one would say he is cracked already; he rings with a false note, which the gods abhor.
But what will be done with him?
This is a vase good for all purposes; it will be used as a vessel for holding all foul things, a mortar for pounding together law-suits, a lamp for spying upon accounts, and as a cup for the mixing up and poisoning of everything.
None could ever trust a vessel for domestic use that has such a ring about it.
Oh! it is strong, my friend, and will never get broken, if care is taken to hang it head downwards.
There! it is well packed now!
Marry, I will proceed to carry off my bundle.
Farewell, worthiest of strangers, take this informer, good for anything, and fling him where you like.
Bah! this rogue has given me enough trouble to pack! Here! Boeotian, pick up your pottery.
Stoop, Ismenias, that I may put it on your shoulder, and be very careful with it.
You carry nothing worth having; however, take it, for you will profit by your bargain; the Informers will bring you luck.
Dicaeopolis!
What do you want crying this gait?
Lamachus wants to keep the Feast of Cups,
And who is this Lamachus, who demands an eel?
'Tis the terrible, indefatigable Lamachus, who is always brandishing his fearful Gorgon's head and the three plumes which o'ershadow his helmet.
No, no, he will get nothing, even though he gave me his buckler.
Let him eat salt fish, while he shakes his plumes, and, if he comes
here making any din, I shall call the inspectors. As for myself,
I shall take away all these goods; I go home on thrushes' wings
and black-birds' pinions.
You see, citizens, you see the good fortune which this man owes to
his prudence, to his profound wisdom. You see how, since he has
concluded peace, he buys what is useful in the household and good to
eat hot. All good things flow towards him unsought. Never will I welcome
the god of war in my house; never shall he chant the Harmodius
at
my table;be seated, pray, drink this cup, proffered in all
friendship,
he burns our vine-stocks and brutally pours out the wine
from our vineyards
on the ground. This man, on the other hand, covers his table with
a thousand dishes; proud of his good fortunes, he has had these feathers
cast before his door to show us how he lives.
Oh, Peace! companion of fair Aphrodite and of the sweet Graces,
how charming are thy features and yet I never knew it! Would that Eros
might join me to thee, Eros, crowned with roses as Zeuxis
List, ye people! As was the custom of your forebears, empty a full pitcher of wine at the call of the trumpet; he, who first sees the bottom, shall get a wine-skin as round and plump as Ctesiphon's belly.
Women, children, have you not heard? Faith! do you not heed the herald? Quick! let the hares boil and roast merrily; keep them a-turning; withdraw them from the flame; prepare the chaplets; reach me the skewers that I may spit the thrushes.
I envy you your wisdom and even more your good cheer.
What then will you say when you see the thrushes roasting?
Ah! true indeed!
Slave! stir up the fire.
See, how he knows his business, what a perfect cook! How well he understands the way to prepare a good dinner!
Ah! woe is me!
Heracles! What have we here?
A most miserable man.
Keep your misery for yourself.
Ah! friend! since you alone are enjoying peace, grant me a part of your truce, were it but five years.
What has happened to you?
I am ruined; I have lost a pair of steers.
How?
The Boeotians seized them at
Ah! poor wretch! and yet you have not left off white?
Their dung made my wealth.
What can I do in the matter?
Crying for my beasts has lost me my eyesight. Ah! if you care for poor
Dercetes of
But, my poor fellow, I do not practise medicine.
Come, I adjure you; perhaps I shall recover my steers.
'Tis impossible; away, go and whine to the disciples of Pittalus.
Grant me but one drop of peace; pour it into this reedlet.
No, not a particle; go a-weeping elsewhere.
Oh! oh! oh! my poor beasts!
This man has discovered the sweetest enjoyment in peace; he will share it with none.
Pour honey over this tripe; set it before the fire to dry.
What lofty tones he uses! Did you hear him?
Get the eels on the gridiron!
You are killing me with hunger; your smoke is choking your neighbours, and you split our ears with your bawling.
Have this fried and let it be nicely browned.
Dicaeopolis! Dicaeopolis!
Who are you?
A young bridegroom sends you these viands from the marriage feast.
Whoever he be, I thank him.
And in return, he prays you to pour a glass of peace into this vase, that he may not have to go to the front and may stay at home to do his duty to his young wife.
Take back, take back your viands; for a thousand drachmae I would not give a drop of peace; but who are you, pray?
I am the bridesmaid; she wants to say something to you from the bride privately.
Come, what do you wish to say?
I see a man, striding along apace, with knitted brows; he seems to us the bearer of terrible tidings.
Oh! toils and battles, 'tis Lamachus!
What noise resounds around my dwelling, where shines the glint of arms.
The Generals order you forthwith to take your battalions and your plumes, and, despite the snow, to go and guard our borders. They have learnt that a band of Boeotians intend taking advantage of the Feast of Cups to invade our country.
Ah! the Generals! they are numerous, but not good for much! It's cruel, not to be able to enjoy the feast!
Oh! warlike host of Lamachus!
Wretch! do you dare to jeer me?
Do you want to fight this four-winged Geryon?
Oh! oh! what fearful tidings!
Ah! ah! I see another herald running up; what news does he bring me?
Dicaeopolis!
What is the matter?
Come quickly to the feast and bring your basket and your cup; 'tis the priest of Bacchus who invites you. But hasten, the guests have been waiting for you a long while. All is ready—couches, tables, cushions, chaplets, perfumes, dainties and courtesans to boot; biscuits, cakes, sesame-bread, tarts, lovely dancing women, the sweetest charm of the festivity. But come with all haste.
Oh! hostile gods!
This is not astounding; you have chosen this huge, great ugly Gorgon's head for your patron. You, shut the door, and let someone get ready the meal.
Slave! slave! my knapsack!
Slave! slave! a basket!
Take salt and thyme, slave, and don't forget the onions.
Get some fish for me; I cannot bear onions.
Slave, wrap me up a little stale salt meat in a fig-leaf.
And for me some good greasy tripe in a fig-leaf; I will have it cooked here.
Bring me the plumes for my helmet.
Bring me wild pigeons and thrushes.
How white and beautiful are these ostrich feathers!
How fat and well browned is the flesh of this wood-pigeon!
Bring me the case for my triple plume.
Pass me over that dish of hare.
OH! the moths have eaten the hair of my crest.
I shall always eat hare before dinner.
Hi! friend! try not to scoff at my armor?
Hi! friend! will you kindly not stare at my thrushes.
Hi! friend! will you kindly not address me.
I do not address you; I am scolding my slave. Shall we wager and submit the matter to Lamachus, which of the two is the best to eat, a locust or a thrush?
Insolent hound!
He much prefers the locusts.
Slave, unhook my spear and bring it to me.
Slave, slave, take the sausage from the fire and bring it to me.
Come, let me draw my spear from its sheath. Hold it, slave, hold it tight.
And you, slave, grip, grip well hold of the skewer.
Slave, the bracings for my shield.
Pull the loaves out of the oven and bring me these bracings of my stomach.
My round buckler with the Gorgon's head.
My round cheese-cake.
What clumsy wit!
What delicious cheese-cake!
Pour oil on the buckler. Hah! hah! I can see reflected there an old man who will be accused of cowardice.
Pour honey on the cake. Hah! hah! I can see an old man who makes Lamachus of the Gorgon's head weep with rage.
Slave, full war armour.
Slave, my beaker; that is MY armour.
With this I hold my ground with any foe.
And I with this with any tosspot.
Fasten the strappings to the buckler; personally I shall carry the knapsack
Pack the dinner well into the basket; personally I shall carry the cloak.
Slave, take up the buckler and let's be off. It is snowing! Ah! 'tis a question of facing the winter.
Take up the basket, 'tis a question of getting to the feast.
We wish you both joy on your journeys, which differ so much. One goes to mount guard and freeze, while the other will drink, crowned with flowers, and then sleep with a young beauty, who will excite him readily.
I say it freely; may Zeus confound Antimachus, the poet-historian, the son of Psacas! When Choregus at the Lenaea, alas! alas! he dismissed me dinnerless. May I see him devouring with his eyes a cuttle-fish, just served, well cooked, hot and properly salted; and the moment that he stretches his hand to help himself, may a dog seize it and run off with it.
Such is my first wish. I also hope for him a
misfortune at night. That returning all-fevered from horse practice,
he may meet an Orestes,
Slaves of Lamachus! Water, water in a little pot! Make it warm, get ready
cloths, cerate greasy wool and bandages for his ankle. In leaping a ditch,
the master has hurt himself against a stake; he has dislocated and twisted
his ankle, broken his head by falling on a stone, while his Gorgon shot far
away from his buckler. His mighty braggadocio plume rolled on the
ground; at this sight he uttered these doleful words, Radiant star, I gaze
on thee for the last time; my eyes close to all light, I die.
Having
said this,
he falls into the water, gets out again, meets some runaways and pursues
the robbers with his spear at their backsides.
Oh! heavens! oh! heavens! What cruel pain! I faint, I tremble! Alas! I die! the foe's lance has struck me! But what would hurt me most would be for Dicaeopolis to see me wounded thus and laugh at my ill-fortune.
Oh! my gods! what bosoms! Hard as a quince! Come, my treasures, give me voluptuous kisses! Glue your lips to mine. Haha! I was the first to empty my cup.
Oh! cruel fate! how I suffer! accursed wounds!
Hah! hah! hail! Knight Lamachus!
By the hostile gods!
Ah! Great gods!
Why do you embrace me?
And why do you bite me?
'Twas a cruel score I was paying back!
Scores are not evened at the Feast of Cups!
Oh! Paean, Paean!
But to-day is not the feast of Paean.
Oh! support my leg, do; ah! hold it tenderly, my friends!
And you, my darlings, take hold of this, both of you!
This blow with the stone makes me dizzy; my sight grows dim.
For myself, I want to get to bed; I am bursting with lustfulness, I want to be bundling in the dark.
Carry me to the surgeon Pittalus.
Take me to the judges. Where is the king of the feast? The wine-skin is mine!
That spear has pierced my bones; what torture I endure!
You see this empty cup! I triumph! I triumph!
Old man, I come at your bidding! You triumph! you triumph!
Again I have brimmed my cup with unmixed wine and drained it at a draught!
You triumph then, brave champion; thine is the wine-skin!
Follow me, singing Triumph! Triumph!
Aye! we will sing of thee, thee and thy sacred wine-skin, and we all,
as we follow thee, will repeat in thine honour, Triumph, Triumph!