--- title: Be primarily internally driven with intrinsic motivation created: 2024-11-18T09:18:12 modified: 2025-08-31T18:07:12 --- > _“Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.” — Napoleon Bonaparte_ > _「知之者不如好之者，好之者不如樂之者。」—《論語 · 雍也》_ --- Humans are socially conditioned in nature — we are driven for external and social validation from others. --- **[Self-Determination Theory (SDT)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-determination_theory)** distinguishes between _intrinsic motivation_ and _extrinsic motivation_. SDT suggests that people have three basic psychological needs that drive motivation and well-being: 1. **Autonomy** – The need to feel in control of one’s own actions and decisions. 2. **Competence** – The need to feel capable and effective in one’s activities. 3. **Relatedness** – The need to feel connected to others and have meaningful relationships. The theory argues that when the three basic needs are satisfied, people are more likely to be intrinsically motivated. --- Your external reality is often a manifestation of your internal reality. Don’t look out, look in. --- Stop people-pleasing. Everyone thinking you’re great means nothing, if you don’t think you’re great. Be impressive to others is overrated. Be impressive to yourself. You don’t need to impress anyone but yourself. You become inhumanly strong when you try to impress only one person: YOU. You are always going to win the “YOU” game. The only person you have to compete against is yourself. You learn the most when there is nobody to cheer you but yourself. Don’t be a people pleaser (好好先生、[濫/爛好人](https://www.google.com/search?q=濫好人)) * 不要有了頭銜，卻失去了名字，就像法老王一樣。 * Parable: 父子騎驢 * Analogy: 腦袋壞掉的中央空調 * There is no sure path to success, but the surest path to failure is trying to please everyone. --- Focus on the internal scorecard (追求內在成就), not the external/social approval/validation/affirmation/rewards (追求外在成就 [^1]) [Compete](escape-competition-through-authenticity.md) externally and you [compare](comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy.md). Compete internally and you improve. * **Internal Competitiveness** means you want to get better than your past self. This makes you happy. * **External Competitiveness** means you want to beat other people. This makes you unhappy. --- # Autotelic Personality \& Exotelic Personality * Autotelic people (成長心態) [enjoy the journey](Journey%20over%20destination.md) as they work toward a goal. * Exotelic people (定型心態) only care about reaching the goal, no matter what. --- # [Good Questions](how-to-ask-good-and-right-questions.md) * _Would you rather be the world’s greatest lover, but have everyone think you’re the world’s worst lover? Or would you rather be the world’s worst lover but have everyone think you’re the world’s greatest lover?_ * _If the world couldn’t see your results, would you rather be thought of as the world’s greatest investor but in reality have the world’s worst record? Or be thought of as the world’s worst investor when you were actually the best?_ * _Would you still be interested in buying/[learning](learning-is-the-single-best-investment-that-you-can-make-for-your-time.md) [^2]/doing this thing if you cannot show it to anyone or tell anyone about it except yourself?_ --- # [David Brooks - Résumé Virtues \& Eulogy Virtues](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MlLWTeApqIM) > _So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no._ * [【TFT 】「你要追求你的履歷表，還是你的墓誌銘？」](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBDWLvTRmP0) * [王文華：要寫出精彩的「履歷表」，先擬一篇動人的「墓誌銘」](https://www.cheers.com.tw/article/article.action) * [你的人生追求的是履歷還是墓誌銘？](https://ubrand.udn.com/ubrand/story/123662/3676861) * [改你的履歷表前，不妨先想想你的墓誌銘。](https://mr6.cc/2009/01/09/%E6%94%B9%E4%BD%A0%E7%9A%84%E5%B1%A5%E6%AD%B7%E8%A1%A8%E5%89%8D%EF%BC%8C%E4%B8%8D%E5%A6%A8%E5%85%88%E6%83%B3%E6%83%B3%E4%BD%A0%E7%9A%84%E5%A2%93%E8%AA%8C%E9%8A%98/) --- The Two Side of Our Natures, which are at war with each other. We happen to live in a society that favors **Adam I**, and often neglects **Adam II**. [@soloveitchikLonelyManFaith2006] | **Adam I** | **Adam II** | | ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- | | the ambitious side of our nature | the humble side of our nature | | wants to conquer the world | wants to obey the world | | savors accomplishments | savors inner consistency and strength | | asks how things work | ask why we’re here | | motto is “success” | motto is “love, redemption, and return” | | run by external/economic logic: _input leads to output_, _risk leads to reward,_ etc. | run by internal/inverse/moral logic: _you have to give in order to receive_, _you have to surrender to something outside yourself in order to gain strength within yourself_, _you have to conquer the desire in order to get what you want_, _you have to forget yourself in order to fulfill yourself_, _you have to lose yourself in order to find yourself_, etc. | | built by building your strength | built by fighting your weaknesses | | --- # See Also * [Comparison is the thief of joy](comparison-is-the-thief-of-joy.md) * [Escape competition through authenticity](escape-competition-through-authenticity.md) * [Change yourself to change the world](change-yourself-to-change-the-world.md) * [Mastering yourself is superpower](mastering-yourself-is-superpower.md) * [Why we exist?](why-we-exist.md) [^1]: 皆為身外之物 [^2]: Pride is the enemy of learning.