Reading – I'm Not That Drunk

The Hemingway Cookbook

admin — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:07:37 +0000

The ultimate cookbook for the real man, legendary author and beard enthusiast Ernest Hemingway brings the world this collection of badass recipes. Meals include Dorado Fillet in Damn Good Sauce, Woodcock Flambé in Armagnac, Campfire Apple Pie, and Fillet of Lion washed down with Campari and Gordon’s Gin. It’ll put hair on your chest.

Lazy-as-Fuck Reading Glasses

admin — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 09:25:45 +0000

As we all know, it’s incredibly difficult to sit up in bed while reading. With these magic prism glasses, you can enjoy 50 Shades of Gray while focusing on more important things, like wondering how your life came to this dazzling low point, or stimulating your prostate whilst picturing yourself safe in the strong arms of Christian Gray.

Understand Rap – The Book

admin — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 11:46:03 +0000

As the rapper and modern poet “Lil Wayne” once said: “I told her to back it up like ‘burp burp’, And make that ass jump like ‘scherp scherp'”. What? I’m sorry, I’m far too white to understand what’s going on. Is this lady okay? This book helps decipher the words of T.I., Master P, Lil Wayne, Drake, and others, letting you finally be able to understand what the cool kids are talking about. Unfortunately, it turns out they’re often being very rude, so if you’re reading this to grandma, then be prepared to shout EARMUFFS! every second word.

Self diagnosis for hypochondriacs

admin — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 12:37:34 +0000

Hypochondria is a virus that affects an as yet indeterminate number of people. It’s not nice and, like aids, it makes you particularly vulnerable to every single disease in the universe – regardless of whether that disease actually exists. I’ve probably got it, you’ve probably got it. So get this manual and read about everything you’re gonna die from

120 days of sodom

admin — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 14:46:02 +0000

Tired of the same old dirty mags and ‘romantic’ novels? Want something a little more imaginative – a little more edgy? In the late 1700s the Marquis de Sade wrote ‘120 days of Sodom’, a classic tale of debauched kinkiness set in a castle over the course of four months. A page-turner your grandparents almost certainly kept on the bedside table…

I’ve got love for you if you were born in the eighties

admin — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 01:13:20 +0000

There’s a good chance that if you’re browsing this website you were born in the 1980s. A lot happened in that decade. John Lennon was shot, the Berlin wall came down, Sega’s ‘Master System’ was released (as were the first two Terminator Films), and Elisha Cuthbert was gifted to the world. We think it’s the best decade in which to have been born. If you were, here are a few things that should bring back memories. Do it for old times’ sake…

Teenage mutant ninja turtles

Time for you and your friends to order in a load of pizzas, make yourself comfortable on the couch and enjoy some episodes of the TMNT. Adopted by the wise sensei Splinter, these radical dudes were taking down douches like Beebop, Rocksteady, Shredder and Krang before you’d even thought about April O’Neil in that way.

Reebok pumps

Remember these? Yeh, you could pump up your shoes with a little button on the front. Only the cool kids had them back in the 1980s, but now that mummy doesn’t buy your clothes anymore you can do whatever the hell you like. Get a pair.

Scared shitless

Who doesn’t remember ‘Goosebumps’, the scariest collection of horror stories since the Old Testament? This one’s a classic – you’ll never be able to take a photo again (ok, just humor me here).

Sodastream

Remember when your parents first bought a sodastream? Remember what crazy sodas you made with it? Problem was, they were (almost) always non-alcoholic. For under $100 you can get creative and experiment with things like lemon-ginger-raspberry cola or grapefruit-blackberry sparkling water. Then just shove a load of vodka in there and you’ll be set for the pre-game.

The land before time

Just before the 1980s there were dinosaurs walking the earth (ask your parents). ‘The land before time’ remains our most accurate depiction of these majestic beasts (yes, even more accurate than Jurassic Park). It’s also the most heart-wrenching movie you’ll ever see. Don’t be ashamed about crying into your popcorn.

Time you got me?

Tamagotchis were what everyone had before they were allowed real pets. And who wants real pets anyway? You have to buy them real food and clean up real shit. And you can’t just press the reset button when they die. Learn how to care for something other than yourself with an old school tamagotchi.

Like a virgin

Although Madonna may now be older, richer and more muscly than she was twenty five years ago, she doesn’t write better songs. The 1980s was her peak, with releases like ‘Material Girl’, ‘Dress You Up in My Love’, and ‘Into the Groove’. You’ll find them all on this album. Oh, and if you’re still a virgin, get some help from these pheromones.

The Very Hungry Caterpillar Pop-Up Book

admin — Tue, 26 Apr 2011 20:39:14 +0000

An absolute classic of your childhood years, ‘The Very Hungry Caterpillar’ is one of the finest works in the English language. And don’t worry, unless you’re George Bush it’s easy to follow even when you’re drunk.

Curious George Goes to an Ice Cream Shop

admin — Tue, 19 Apr 2011 18:54:14 +0000

In this beautifully illustrated book the most popular monkey of all time visits an ice cream shop. If you like ice cream and monkeys, and have any happy memories of your childhood whatsoever, then you should probably buy this. If you don’t, go to bed and read some Thomas Hardy or something tomorrow.

National Geographic Year Subscription

admin — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 23:03:00 +0000

Mark Twain once said, “The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.” If you think there is any truth in that then you should probably get a year’s subscription to National Geographic magazine. Think of your excitement every month when you see that golden border glistening from underneath your mail. Also, at $15 ($1.25 an issue) you’ve got no excuse.

Wicca Love Spells book

admin — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 22:21:10 +0000

We all know that witches weren’t that popular back in the day, but now we are a more tolerant and liberal society, every race and creed is equal – bring witchcraft back with this spell book. You can cast love spells, make sex potions, and if you are advanced enough you can cast a spell that makes everyone forget that you bought a wicca spell book. I shouldn’t knock it though, anyone who spells magic ‘Magick’ is a force to be reckoned with.