/** 
  * file: karbytes_02_september_2023.txt
  * type: plain-text 
  * date: 02_SEPTEMBER_2023 
  * author: karbytes 
  * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
  */

I was thinking about being able to design and implement my own relatively small gated community of adult humans who neither have children nor pets nor plan to have children or pets. Only community members would be allowed to enter that community's mostly underground campus. Each community member is granted its own dormitory room (but community members are welcome to spend any length of time in another community member's dormitory with that other community member's permission). Community members each have on-campus jobs or classes which focus on environmental sustainability, scientific research, optimizing technology, and experimental art forms. Community members do not own cars, but they do have free 24 hour transportation in the form of self driving taxis which charge entirely from photovoltaic charging stations and which use state of the art algorithms and machine learning to minimize commute times, hazards to the passenger, and vehicle energy expidenture and vehicle damage. The community produces more than enough 100% pollution free electricity from photovoltaics, geothermal, and ocean waves to power the community and to donate surplus electricity to neighboring municipalities. The community uses vertical indoor precision calibrated farming to produce more than enough pesticide free and animal cruelty free food and other plant-derived material commodities to sustain every member of that community (and surplus commodities are donated to needy people outside the bounds of the community). 

Basically, the "utopia" I described sounds like a place which would protect and nurture the kind of culture I want to live in and to promote as superior to all other alternatives which presently exist or which were remembered by humans to exist. Because there are no pregnant women, no children, and generally no disabled people in that community (and every community member must demonstrate a higher than average proficiency and interest in science, technology, engineering, and mathematics in order to be granted membership into that community), my fellow community members and I can focus on our work without having to be interrupted by those who hinder more than help us get our work done and making it as high quality work as possible. There are almost zero incidents of physical violence, psychological abuse, economic abuse, theft, vandalism, fraud, and other frankly "outdated" adaptation strategies occuring within that community. The people in that community are noticeably more personally developed, conscientuous, innovative, academically rigorous, and diplomatic than are the comparatively degenerate humans living elsewhere. That's because they greatly prioritize quality of human life and integrity of individual character over mere quantity of human capital. Communication amongst members of that community is almost entirely unencumbered by censorship and by paywalls. The community feels more like a giant collaborative research facility than a high school. The values in that community are very permissive of personal expression (and there is very little micromanagement because each community member is too engrossed in meaningful (and not just token) and effortful activities to have time and energy for much else). The people in that community exemplify autonomy, systems thinking, innovation, and transparency of information. The community exists in order to minimize how much time and energy each community member "wastes" on relatively basic and non-negotiable maintenance and upgrade functions such as provisioning food, medical care, transportation, housing, and access to equipment (and no corners are cut when it comes to eliminating and not just reducing pollution and the destruction of natural biomes). The entire community is designed to keep all of its citizens alive and safe during in the event of some kind of global catastrophe such as uninhabitable climate conditions, exposure to environmental toxins (including radiation from nuclear bombs), viral pandemics, and rioting related to a shortage of basic commodities. The community will not allow any non community members entrance into the campus if it issues a lock down order (and any community members which happen to be outside the campus when that lock down starts will not be allowed back inside for the duration of that lockdown). Community members generally agree that is fair and beneficial to the community because it does not favor individuals at the expense of the entire community (and it strives to remain as unentagled as possible with societies beyond the confines of that "utopia" because those societies are assumed to be too dysfunctional and disorderly to be considered sufficiently modern and utopia-like by most members of my hypothetical community).

Many community members are strongly considering creating a new division of the campus for generating optimized and arbitrarily diverse human genomes and stem cells whose nuclei contain that genetic material. Then no more than twenty and no fewer than five of such stem cells per every five years are selected to become human zygotes which are incubated for approximately nine months in artificial wombs. Then those "test tube babies" are placed in a nursery and later in a boarding school until those children are legal adults.

(Note that, if the population size within the community is equal to or larger than a certain positive whole number threshold, no "test tube babies" will be produced until the population size shrinks or if that upper threshold increases (and also there would need to be a sufficiently high number of community members voting in favor of producing each new batch of "test tube babies")).

The community I described is not a haven for the poor, sick, illiterate, nor needy. Such people are suffering from problems which my community did not create. Such people seem to be living in a savage, violent, impoverished, deceit-filled, overcrowded, unsanitary cesspool. My community prefers to let those comparatively primitive and unsophisticated and difficult to work with people handle their own affairs instead of us acting as their intervening savior (because that would dilute our focus and cause entropy within our relatively closed system to increase beyond what we have deemed to be optimal to stay "cutting edge" instead of regressing into appeasing intellectually incompetent masses). What my community would do to help the world outside of the community is publish open source documentation and periodicals  about what is being cultivated inside that community on the World Wide Web so that other people can benefit from the labor my community does and, if they choose to, follow in our lead.

* * *

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "pig_gorl is a hero disguised as a villain in Karlina's universe. What pig_gorl is doing is preventing Karlina from being too self focused and too pretentious to hold down a job working with poor people of color. It has been decided that Karlina should be forced to represent poor people of color even if that means Karlina is forced to give up studying the academic subjects which Karlina prefers to study in order to focus on serving poor people of color full time. Karlina needs to stop referring to herself in terms which poor people of color would not. Karlina needs to stop showing off so much because that does not help people of color in any way. All it does is make them feel bad that they have been prevented from being able to sound as well read as Karlina. Though we cannot completely erase Karlina's post high school education and other experiences which made Karlina "too educated" to fit in with poor people of color on their terms, we expect Karlina's intellect to atrophy and for Karlina's speech patterns and movement patterns to change to become more similar to poor people of color. This is also to punish Karlina for making poor people of color feel bad. Karlina will not be forgiven until Karlina assimilates to the extent that Karlina is practically a different person (and one who is not a threat to poor people of color and someone who lives solely to make other people smile)."

karbytes: "I do not like the fact that advocate_of_pig_gorl refers to me by the name Karlina instead of karbytes and that advocate_of_pig_gorl ascribes feminine pronouns 'she/her' to me instead of the genderless pronoun 'it' or masculine pronouns 'he/him'. I understand that I have to refrain from talking about myself at all unless other people ask me questions about myself."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "You are annoying people because you refuse to just settle for your birth name and birth sex. We think you are being criminally vain for taking testosterone to alter your physical appearance and to gain special advantages you are not supposed to have."

karbytes: "It is still legal for me to continue taking testosterone in order to alter my phenotype in the ways I desire and daresay even to get 'unnatural' advantages such as higher bone density, higher muscle mass and muscle strength, and a voice which can produce an intimidating yell."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "All you seem to want to do with your life is show off. That is not okay. You need to do something other than show off. You should be prevented from having anything to show off other than your compliance with what we want."

karbytes: "Perhaps you are right that all I want to do with my life is show off (especially if I think of myself as nature experiencing itself from the vantage of a particular human). I do not like being prevented from being able to pursue my goals, but you seem to insist that I be prevented from pursuing my goals so that I do not have anything but compliance with tyrants to show off. It took me most of my lifetime to become as skillful at writing, digital arts, and doing as much as I can by myself instead of with other people acompanying me. In other words, I invested most of my time and energy in getting good at the stuff I value. I do not want to have that progress erased and to be forced to pursue someone else's goals instead of my own."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "It's not about you. All I hear you worry about is you, you, you. It's time to let yourself go. You already got plenty of time to be self indulgent and to show off. It's time for you to move aside and let other people get recognition for their talents and hard work and uniqueness (especially those who are younger than you or who have not enjoyed as favorable circumstances as you have."

karbytes: "How about I suggest a compromise: how about I keep up with my blogging but I just do not do it as often and not promote it as intensively as I used to."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "People are going to think you are hiding something from them because they can tell when you have thoughts on your mind which you do not want to share out loud with the people in your immediate vicinity. It is better to have nothing to hide and nothing to show off other than being a down-to-earth, hard-working, unpretentious, and humble example of what it means to be a good poor person of color."

karbytes: "Back to what I said before I suggested that compromise then. I really do not want to have to stop pursuing my personal goals nor to hide my accomplishments. If I make other people jealous, insecure, or simply annoy them for that reason, oh well. They will just have to feel bad the way I sometimes have to feel bad when I am exposed to things which trigger my negative emotions."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "You have never experienced serious hardship. That is what is really up. You seriously have no idea what it is like to grow up poor and of a minority race. You and your family have been extremely fortunate compared to most people. Hence, you are very spoiled and are incapable of knowing just how spoiled you are. Other people think you have nothing but your family's money and good fortune to show off."

karbytes: "Perhaps you are right that I have not experienced enough hardships and other experiences which might be relatable to poor people of color, but I really would rather avoid having to go through whatever those hardships are just so I am more relatable to those people and less spoiled. I figured that, as an aspiring student of physics and computation, I would have more than enough meaningful and challenging things to do which would build character qualities in me such as tolerance for discomfort, tolerance for ambiguity, a sense of humor, and a deeper appreciation for how all things are connected (not to mention practical knowledge for using and developing technologies."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "It's all about ego with you. All you do is show off."

karbytes: "I think I do more than merely advertise how smart or talented or attractive I think I am (though I admit to doing those things quite a lot and wanting to keep doing those things). Sometimes I try to help other people with intellectual or mechanical tasks (not just by doing the task for them but by helping them learn how to do those things themselves). Then again, I see how you could rightfully construe everything I do as advertising what I think are my most prized attributes to people who do not need to be the recipient of such advertising."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "Then shut the fuck up and stop trying to show off when no one except for you is asking you to show off in those ways."

karbytes: "I refuse to comply with your request. I live to pursue my goals and to be impressed by what I achieve and what I learn. That is not to say that I do not also value other people's accomplishments and attributes. There is a lot that I appreciate about existence but I do not have enough time nor energy to enumerate all the ways I am grateful to be alive for reasons other than showing off my attributes."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "You're still in the hospital. No one wants to talk to you until you are ready to assimilate in the ways they want you to. You will be subject to torture which is designed to prevent you from being a show-off and to, instead, be a good little humble, low-earning, low-brow, sweet, nonchalant, non-serious, appropriately soft, cheerful, chatty home girl to whoever your homies at work are."

karbytes: "I might end up getting a job which is not so low-end and/or I might end up taking a low-end job but not having to change my personality nor give up my personal goals in order to stay employed."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "That's something only a spoiled, sheltered, fragile little Disney princess would say. Real life is much shittier than what you want it to be. Get over yourself."

karbytes: "..."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "I win!"

karbytes: "To break the fourth wall, I am not trying to be partial towards any race of human. I would rather treat humans as individuals instead of as interchangeable members of some set."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "Shut up. No one wants to listen to you anymore. You are a racist chauvinist pig. You are in treatment for being a white supremacist elitist pig. It's not supposed to benefit you more than it benefits others. It is supposed to benefit others more than it benefits you. You need to get a lower opinion of yourself and learn that your place is very low on the socioeconomic ladder and that lots of people dislike you and want you to be restrained more."

karbytes: "Perhaps you are right that I am a chauvinist, white supremacist, elitist pig. If that is the case, then I see why many people would dislike me and want me to be restrained more."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "Get a girlfriend! You are not that important to me or to most other people. Once your parents are dead, you will basically have no one left in your life to look after you and you will have to ingratiate yourself to strangers in order to earn your keep and to avoid getting harmed. The fact that you do not have a girlfriend yet and look as much like a guy as you do is disconcerting. We do not approve of people being alone so much. It's creepy and it looks like you might be trying to do things which other people do not want you doing. Having a girlfriend makes you orders of magnitude easier to trust and to see as worthy of being offered a job (especially if you make it seem like you have little ninos along the way)."

karbytes: "I cannot help but think that a lot of what you say to me is not something even you take all that seriously and that you are only saying it to keep me from moving on with my life. In other words, I think you try to spam me with filibusters so that I end up wasting more time than I can stand fighting with you instead of paying closer attention to what I think is orders of magnitude more worthy of my time than your filibusters."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "You sound like you are trying too hard to feel good when you are being physically prevented from feeling good. Maybe you should stop trying so hard to pretend you are not in as much distress as you actually are. Stop looking like such a Mona Lisa and show some more anger, anxiety, and despair. Act more emotionally distraught and panicked. Make more noise. Make people realize you are not doing as well as you look. It would help a lot to make them not want to hurt you as much. If they think you are profoundly anguished and going through real hardships, they will not want to attack you as much because they see you are already knocked off your pedestal into the depths of hell where they want you to be. Sooner or later you might come to realize how foolish you are being for insisting on showing off when it is killing you because when you show off it makes other people want to hurt you. Stop giving people an incentive to hurt you. Stop acting like you know what's going on when you are in the dark more than most other people are. You are not as smart as you act like you are. You not very well read and you are being prevented from becoming more well read than you currently are. There is no need for you to pursue an education. You already know more than you need in order to do time in the prison sentence I set you up for: to be toiling away most of your life at a job which barely pays you enough money to survive and which prevents you from being able to do much other than go to work. Then when you are old enough to receive social security income as a senior citizen at age 65 years or older, you can retire but you will be just about as poor as you were when you were working (and likely poorer) and you will lack the vitality, funds, and logistical means to do much other than rot in a nursing home."

karbytes: "If I knew I would not be punished for it and that I would succeed immediately, I would kill you in an act of violence right now. I hate you and prefer you to be swiftly exterminated. I do not mind whether or not you suffer in agony as you die. I just want you to hurry up and die. At this point, I honestly probably would get a modicum of satisfaction watching you cry and nash your teeth in unbarable agony while I watch from a comfortably disaffected vantage."

advoate_of_pig_gorl: "..."

karbytes: "Hatred is power. Hatred is choice. Hatred is love for what is worthy of my devotion (because I decided that not everything is worthy of my investment). Hatred is the elimination of obstacles impeding the flow of love, joy, vitality, evolution, and creativity whose ultimate source is transcendent of humanity's ugliness: nature. My hatred is not about seeing you in pain in retalation for how you bullied me. My hatred is about getting rid of what threatens to make me suicidal: you. Life (and, more fundamentally, existence) involves different patterns of energy competing for access to finite resources which are needed to keep those patterns instantiated. Oftentimes, there are not enough resources available in one place to sustain all competing patterns of energy. I suppose the one which gets access to those resources first has a higher chance than the other patterns of making it to the next round in the process of elimination. Maybe if I stop mentioning you in future blog posts, you will be replaced by something else which I like much more than I like you: karbytes approaching infinite improvements".

* * *

I noticed that there were a few more homeless-looking people than normal today. They appeared to be males between ages 25 and 60 (they kind of looked a bit weathered in the face and hair so I could not tell how old they were) and one of them was white and one of them was pale black. I have seen some homeless women with similar attributes too but not as frequently and not as recently. I have a soft spot for the homeless and think I always will. They seem to be "forbidden" people because they live in places non-human animals are expected to live instead of humans (which almost makes them seem like wild or stray animals instead of people though to me they are not any less human than the housed and groomed people are. I daresay that homeless people are probably some of the least threatening people I know to exist because they do not seem to be trying to hurt anyone because they do not seem to have much in the way of options for how to spend their time because they lack sufficient funds and other resources to stay housed and better groomed. The times I spent camping outside in urban areas seemed to help me get a better sense of what being homeless is like but I never once had to actually settle for being homeless. Hence, I do not claim to know what it is like to be poor, homeless, a racial minority, a refugee, or some victim of serious physical violence or some other major tragedy. I would say I have not been through much serious hardship at all but I have spent a lot of time dealing with relatively minor adversities (and I might have gone through adversities which I could have avoided if I did not choose to put myself in the position of a homeless person).

The past two sections of this note were written while I was sitting in the backyard of my childhood home (because I needed to download large zip files of GitHub repositories which I soon plan on burning onto M_DISCs once those discs are delivered by Amazon to my current residence across town). I have been harassed by pig_gorl a lot today and even made a recording of what she sounded like earlier this morning when I was trying to sleep and she would not stop making noises which trigger my misophonia. That recording can be found in the GitHub repository which contains this note file.

pig_gorl: "All you care about is your mouth. You hate women."

karbytes: "I do not hate all women or even necessarily most women. I just find many women to be extremely unattractive and worthy of being swiftly and painlessly exterminated (especially if they have too many traits which seem to be what pig_gorl is about promoting). So I do not hate women. I hate when women conform to what pig_gorl is: a misery-mongering, attention-seeking, antagonistic, jealous, unkind, weak-sounding, anti-intellectual, whimpering, pouting, drama-mongering wimp whose central message seems to be this: chauvinist men rule the world and women and girls have to do whatever those men want and you are not supposed to suggest any other possibility. It saddens me that so many humans seem to promote what pig_gorl seems to value instead of promoting what I value. It might be the case that I spend the rest of my life without close friends because too many humans are too much like pig_gorl and not enough like karbytes for my taste."

(Right now I consider cannabis to be one of my best friends even though it is plant and not a person. Consuming the plant has helped me get relief from nearly chronic physical but mostly psychological pain and to feel a temporary boost in morale, playfulness, creativity, hope, and sense that I am deserving of feeling good especially after being so aggressively bombarded with messages from other people that I do not deserve to feel good (at least not without having to pay some kind of price which feels like being stolen from and violated and conditioned to normalize abusive relationships)).

pig_gorl: "On and on you go about yourself. Are you almost done opening and closing your boca?"

karbytes: "My mouth has been restfully shut for a while besides the hits of marijuana I took and sips of beverage I have taken. For the past hour I have done little more than type this note and listen to the cacaphony of sounds around me: multiple track recordings of pig_gorl depictiona on repeat, crickets, a drill which keeps turning on and off almost as though whoever is using it is deliberately trying to annoy me, dogs barking, and people talking on the other side of the fence (and it sounds like gossip). I must admit that I am burnt out from too much forced paying attention to other people making noises and smells which I find to be very unpleasant and hazardous to my health. I am afraid that, if I do not find some way to recover from dealing with humans I would rather not deal with and who I think mostly waste my times and diminish my quality of life, I will eventually regress back into taking my frustration out on other people in ways which could land me in prison. I think that many people (if not most) would rather egg on such destruction than refrain from making it worse. It seems like even right now the people on the other side of the fence are taking every opportunity they can to harass me every chance they get (perhaps because they believe I will not be able to fight back and because the law seems to be on their side more than mine). My misanthropy seems to be increasing as I age instead of decreasing. I was hoping it would be the opposite trend. I thought that I would not deal with so many rude and cruel people so often and so intensely. I know there are many examples of humans who I think are wonderful examples of humanity but they seem to be extremely rare."

I walked over to where the voices were coming from and heard that they were talking about someone's music writing career. I think that law enforcement has a way of causing the sounds which my brain detects to be distorted between ear drum and brain such that what I hear sounds like abusive verbiage. That makes me want to say...

...that perhaps the police are the people who have bullied me the most and, because they are at government-level and have access to state-of-the-art mind control and surveillance technology and lethal weapons and the authority to use those tools however they choose to, I have no political power in my situation other than publishing web pages about my experiences. What good will writing do especially when few if any people read my content? Publishing that content instead of keeping it private makes it possible for people other than myself to read those notes (which makes me feel less isolated and less censored and less guilty (and my guilt would be from not doing enough to assert myself and to take a stand for myself instead of keeping quiet about what I perceive to be injustice and serious problems in the world)).

I did not just pretend that bad shit did not happen to me. I wrote about it as extensively as I felt necessary and I backed it up to my blogging website named Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com. That way, I and others can look at what I wrote at any point in the future (provided that the Internet still exists and my content has not been removed from it) and gather invaluable insights from what I wrote in light of the newer stuff I learn and record in digital format.

What has genuinely made me happy recently was watching several videos by professional physicists about the size of photons (which seems to be a topic of debate) and entropy. 

The topic of entropy is something I want to spend more time learning and thinking about because it seems to be very relevant to fundamental epistemology (which my primary website Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com seems to focus on). So far, what I know about entropy is that it is a measure of how concentrated energy is within a particular volume of space and time. As time progresses, the entropy of a closed system is supposed to inevitably increase (perhaps towards a maximum entropy state in which all the components of that closed system disipate into pure energy instead of congealed into ridid and concentrated configurations of energy with much fewer variable states). Time apparently flows in the direction of increased entropy (and, after a certain point, the universe I live in is supposed to be more entropic than this but not so entropic that matter no longer exists in that universe (and what would be apparent to any observers of that universe would be the fact that the relatively recent past and relatively close future are indistinguishable from each other)). Studying and philosophizing about topics such as time, determinism, entropy, thermodynamics, electromagnetism, and quantum computing gives me plenty of information-dense things to think about and to perhaps have a career and hobbies about. I would prefer to go off quietly into the night for a while and study such things without telling other people that is what I am doing. Then, after a few weeks or months of studying, I will probably have some fresh new ideas to share related to studying physics in my spare time. 

I wanted to make my websites focus more on physics and philosophy than psychology and antropology. Perhaps this note will be the final component of my blogging which focuses on anthropology and psychology instead of on philosophy and physics. Then, after I finalize this note and back up the first 66 GitHub repositories which contain the files which substantiate my websites onto optical discs, I will probably close the GitHub repository named KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_0 off to further changes and start making the repository named KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_1 where I make most of my blog updates.

(I'm not sure where I am going after I close this note off to future changes but I do know that it is too uncomfortable for me to deal with pig_gorl at my mom's house because this is where pig_gorl sounds the most like a beligerent female cop of a bully. She sounds the snarkiest, most somber, most sadistic I have ever heard in this location. I think I need to stay in places where I do not feel that other people can closely watch me be abused my pig_gorl because it makes me want to attack those other people because they seem to rejoice in my suffering and loss of skills. I want to hurt someone right now and have been wanting to hurt someone for hours. There is a chance I might slash someone's tires or kick a little boy in the head until his skull breaks open and his brains fall out. I think the cops want to "expose" me as a bad guy so that they can get more support from other people in abusing me and deliberately sabotaging my goals).

At some point in the future I might attempt to seriously harm someone other than myself (and it might be because I take out my anger on some relatively innocent person who happens to be in close enough proximity to me). The likelihood that will happen is a function of how much stress I am under which I am not allowed to recover from (especially if I perceive that other people are deliberately trying to stress me out and prevent me from de-stressing). If that is not a good enough reason for renouncing friendship in favor of hermitude, I do not know what is. I find that most of what is good about my experience of life is not from humans; it is in spite of humans.

(I may have jeapordized my chances of achieving my goals by writing this note and sharing it with the public. So be it. I might have to sacrifice some relatively petty goals for some relatively profound goals. For instance, I may have to sacrifice being able to get hired at a particular job in favor of being able to create artwork which expresses my authentic thoughts and feelings instead of only what seems to be "politically correct").