/** 
  * file: karbytes_17_july_2023.txt 
  * type: plain-text 
  * date: 17_JULY_2023 
  * author: karbytes 
  * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN 
  */

After I rode my bicycle back to the place where I left my batteries to charge at the outdoor electrical wall outlet, I predicted that the battery with a functional display (the other battery has a cracked display which does not display any recognizable number) would display that it is 66% charged to capacity. I was right! I wonder if the brain hackers already knew exactly how full my battery was and they subliminally suggested the number to me (and even subliminally suggested the thoughts that lead to me deciding to make a game of guessing what the battery percentage was) so that I would get the opportunity to experience the brief succession of emotions (and their related thoughts) as I looked at that battery. I remember, for a fraction of a second, feeling skeptical and a bit dissappointed by seeing the exact number I predicted because, during that brief flurry of thoughts which transpired so quickly I could not even assign words to them during that brief flash of multiple thoughts simultaneously, I had the thought that the government was playing some kind of trick on me by rigging me and/or my battery to fit the narrative that I have "divine powers" of guessing the exact battery percentage (helped by the fact that my batteries are charging at a church). I know how foolish this sounds. I just wanted to share these rather silly thoughts because I think they are a clue "bigger" things which are going on "behind the scenes" or "underneath the surface". No I do not believe that it is very astounding that I guessed the exact percentage. After all, only 101 different values (integers from 0 to 100 endpoints included) were possible to display (and I have trained myself to be quite good at predicting how much time elapses and I am very familiar with how my battery operates (and it charges at slightly differing rates depending on which outlet I use (and I know approximately how much my laptop and my phone each drain my battery in terms of percentage drop per minute))). I also wanted to say 666 when I said 66. Tonight I feel that my brain is exploding with a lot of different thoughts (which is quite pleasurable). It feels like my mind as a cosmic intelligence channel is extra wide open tonight and I am noticing more synchronities than usual. I am starting to get the sense that the things which I observe occuring in my environment seem to be happening in a way which makes philosophical sense to me (which I admit sounds quite self centered (and I admit to feeling like the center of my universe and perhaps the only person fabricating it while everything else occurring inside of it is just a very complex non playable character which is not as alive as I am or which is actually a facet of what I am and we are literally all aspects of my mind)).

I am having the (perceptive and cognitive) experience right now that literally nothing I am aware of (in my short term or else in my long term memory) are "out of place". I have no sense of "foreign objects" intruding upon my sense of self and home. In other words, I have no genuine feelings of xenophobia. I feel like everything belongs inside me (and I am the universe).

* * *

After I got back to my current default camping spot, I decided to append this note with some thoughts I had while bicycling: I was thinking about how I think humans are probably the happiest animals on Planet Earth because they seem to be the species which has the most to live for. I was thinking that the other animals are probably not nearly as happy because (a) they have simpler brains and hence less intricate things to think about and (b) because they seem to have much harder lives within harsher circumstances which reduces their lives to a nonstop stressful struggle to obtain food, shelter, and the once-in a-lifetime chances to mate. Then I saw a cat calmly sitting in the middle of the road as I rode by and the cat was positioned at a slightly higher elevation than me. I then thought that perhaps domestic cats could possibly be almost as happy as humans (and maybe even happier) because the cats have the humans favor (entire lucrative industries and cultural phenomena exist around practically worshipping cats and providing them free provisions for those cats' survival and comfort) and because I notices that most cats seem to have the freedom to wander outside the home without a leash, without a cage restricting their explorations to a relatively small area, and without a human having to supervise them at all times. Also, (most) cats have the ability to survive in the wild due to their hunting instincts which enable them to hunt for birds, mice, and other small creatures. I cannot say any of those things for domestic dogs. That is why I cannot justify owning a dog. At my current stage of development, I think that owning a dog is cruel to the dog because the dog would essentially be my prisoner and slave. Also, I feel sorry for domestic dogs because they have been bred to be completely helplessly dependent on humans for survival. I doubt that many species of domesticated dogs have retained the instincts of their wolf ancestors which would enable them to know what to do without a human owner. As I was bicycling I thought about how not all cats have the ability to survive in the wild; especially kittens. I remembered a small and annoying kitten with a collar on and a name tag on it which said "Tucker" from the time I was staying in a room for rent in a two story house in Merced while I was attending school there in the fall of 2008. That kitten appeared to have no human owners and kept coming back to my house. That was partially my fault because I used chicken as bait to lure the kitten off the street and into my house so that I could take care of it. I got annoyed at the kitten because it was very demanding of my attention but I bought the kitten cat food and aspired to take care of it. Unfortunately, the Chinese landlord of that house was opposed to any pets being kept in that house. Hence, I felt obliged to quickly get rid of the cat. What I did was put the cat in my car and drove a few miles away from that house to place him near a field where I let it wander off into the grass. Then I drove away. A few days later, the owners of that cat (who were neighbors living across the street) returned from vacation and were upset that they could not find their cat. I don't remember the details of what happened but I think I notified them that I found their cat and thought it was abandoned and that my landlord forbid anyone from keeping pets in the house so I released the cat into the wild. What would I have done differently if the same situation happened? I probably would have brought the cat to an animal shelter and told the staff that I found an abandoned kitten which I was not allowed to keep at my current residence so the cat would at least have a chance of being adopted before being euthanized (and I think euthanization would be a lot less painful than dying of starvation, being hunted by a predator, or getting hit by a car).

* * *

The latest interpretation of pig_gorl I have is as follows: she no longer is mimicking a stereotypical female prostitute. Instead she is pretending to emulate me but in a mockingly derogatory way (and she seems to be embodying a "manic pixie girl" trope who has too high pitched a voice for me to assume is chromosomally or hormonally male). What I think she is trying to insinuate is that transsexualism is buffoonary and should not be attempted. Also, I think she is insinuating that I should immediately rush to get a job as quickly as possible so that I have the means to provide for my basic survival needs in terms of food, clothes, phone, bicycle and public transportation. The only jobs which seem to be quick someone like her or I to obtain (and without having to go through drug testing, physician examinations, and lengthy criminal background checks) is a low-ranking fast food job or low-ranking retail job. I told pig_gorl that she can go on Indeed dot Com and apply for such jobs and that she need not have more than a high school diploma (which I assume she has) in order to get such a job. I don't think pig_gorl is as comfortable being alone and unemployed as I am. I am not pig_gorl. I am a nerdy and physically tough outdoorsy person who thrives in solitude and who has a rather time consuming web development project to work on which I think will take up to three weeks to complete (and that project is populating the section named RAW_GITHUB_FILES_MACRO_DIRECTORY of the website named Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com). I suppose pig_gorl, those who created her, and those who agree with her underlying intentions are opposed to me taking up so much space in public instead of being relegated to some relatively confined area (and opposed to me having so little externally imposed behavior restrictions placed on me instead of having to be more heavily supervised, forced to engage with other people (and many of them random strangers who walk in and use me as an emotional punching bag or therapist) in a perpetually upbeat and agreeable manner, and forced to make slower progress on personal projects and academic and technical certification). I imagine that, if I do what pig_gorl seems to want by taking  a low-ranking customer service job instead of waiting to get a job which suits my preferences better, pig_gorl will complain that I am not allowed to do anything but be a dumbed down and supplicant basic bitch who is forced to make engaging with people face-to-face the center of her life. I would rather make technology the center of my life. I think there is more interesting stuff for me to think about if I make technology the center of my life instead of making socializing with bimbos the center of my life. (I don't mean to denigrate customer service employees nor to insinuate that such people are not able to make significant progress towards things I would want to make my goals in life. I just want to make it clear that I am not as much of a "people person" who is desperate for the politically conservative establishment's approval as I think many political conservatives want me to be. I am not as desperate to get off unemployment and to put on a dress and to fawn over babies and to put my camping gear away as those people seem to want me to be).

* * *

To be succinct, what I currently think is "the path of least resistance" for me is, while unemployed and while working on my current website expansion project, is to go to Dublin during the day time (using my bicycle and the BART train) and to go to Castro Valley (using my bicycle and the BART train) to sleep, shower, and wash clothes. I don't have to expend as much time and energy in Dublin/Pleasanton as I seem to in Castro Valley in order to replenish my water reserves, replenish my electricity reserves, and to access the Internet. Castro Valley seems to be an oasis for those who are not young urban professionals and for those who have children, are children, or who are considered to be seniors. I would hide at my mom's house but pig_gorl and some of the next door neighbors seem to antagonize me whenever I go there. I would go to my dad's house but the Internet at that location is too unreliable to be considered adequate for my needs. (Pete's Coffee is the only place in Castro Valley which I know to offer decent 24 hour public Wi-Fi). There are several spots in Dublin which seem to have okay 24 hour public Wi-Fi though I do have to evade security guards in order to do so which is not that difficult because there are sufficient hiding places that are not dirty.

What I find particularly annoying about going to Dublin/Pleasanton via BART train is having to put up with loud and disrespectful attention whores on the trains who also often leave behind clouds of second hand cigarette smoke for other riders to breathe (and having to inhale those carcinogenic fumes gives me nausea and a headache).

Well, I cannot help but sound elitist. Oh well. I give up trying to sound politically correct. I give up trying not to offend people. I think it's inevitable that I always will offend someone just by doing the only thing I can in each moment.

* * *

If a woman does not want to get pregnant and if that woman is not using a reliable form of birth control, then that woman should not have sexual intercourse with a man. Otherwise, if that woman becomes pregnant contrary to her wishes, she may end up demanding to make abortion more commonplace than it really could be (and hence normalizing women being irresponsible, impulsive slaves to the patriarchy by being rewarded for appearing to be too histrionic to plan ahead to avoid such costly emergencies which could otherwise be avoided with a modicum more foresight and proactive action on her part).

If a woman cannot afford childcare or else the means to be a stay at home mother, then that woman should not have kids. Otherwise, if that woman becomes pregnant and gives birth to offspring, that woman is a leech on society and so are her children whose mental and physical health are undermined due to the mother being too cheap and stressed out to provide her own children a decent standard of living (and she hence perpetuates poverty, criminality, and ecological degradation as a consequence of her irresponsible decision making).

I am sick of women behaving like parasitic prostitutes and wolves in sheep's clothing. What I mean by that is that I am disgusted by the prevalence of women behaving like conniving and impulsive opportunists who use sex and reproduction as a means to escape poverty and ostracization. 

I am sick of single poor mothers being lauded as heros when what they appear to me are selfish pigs exploiting their children as "get out of jail free" cards and then acting indignant that their "plan" isn't working. They seem to imply that getting pregnant is something they have no power to avoid as though it's some kind of disability they deserve government money for. Stray cats are spayed for a reason. I would have such whores detained and forced to undergo tubal litigaion before being released back into the wild and only let those with college degrees breed.

One last thing: my detrimental ecological impact is probably less than 5% of what a typical American adult's is. These web server updates I make hardly cost any energy or money compared to those who routinely make cryptocurrency exchanges, drive a petroleum powered car, and eat beef which isn't lab cultured meat (though going plant based or even just abstaining from eating meat would cost the least in terms of environmental impact and animal welfare). I think it's disgraceful that so many humans have the means to mitigate their harmful ecological impact and their harmful impact on animal welfare but they lazily and greedily choose not to. So many of them seem quick and desperate to avoid the subject and to use ad hominem attacks and other non sequiturs such as "shut the fuck up" instead of replying with articulate, well researched, logical, and solutions oriented responses to what I say. In a way I am boycotting most forms of human interaction until the quality of human discourse improves to my liking. I am also boycotting rewarding women for dressing and behaving like prostitutes. I do not expect very many humans to follow suit with my previous sentence because the prominent flaunting of tits and ass seems to be what moves the most money and cognitive resources in the human realm. Yuck! How ugly, gross, and pathetic to sell or to buy that trash. 

Ladies, if you don't want to be treated like mere animals, behave more like rational human adults which do not waste their brain power. Otherwise, I feel justified in treating you like irrational monkeys which lack the capacities for long term planning and complex analytical thinking. I think that ignoring you until you behave more like rational, intelligent, and self sovereign men is good for everyone because doing so de-incentivizes you from continuing to pander to the swaggering, thuggish, chauvinist knuckle dragger men who would impregnate you and not support you financially unless you are a bitch at his feet sucking his cock and pathetically whimpering his name as though he were some kind of god.

* * *

After spending some time in Dublin/Pleasanton today, I got a good taste of what pig_gorl is like in this region: more obnoxious and cauterwauling and angry than she seems to be in Castro Valley. Even if she's not at the forefront of my consciousness her meddling presence is so caustic and grating on my nerves that I feel myself getting more stressed out and having a shorter attention span than I should and, hence, more compelled to spend money on things which seem to provide temporary relief to feeling heckled by a ghetto trash whore who throws a fit nonstop over me having a higher caliber of consciousness and physical health than she has been duped or coerced into settling for. I imagine she has thin arching eyebrows which look perpetually angry and haughty, big sneering pouty lips, clothing which makes her look like a 1980's mannequin with a cinched waste and an accentuated butt, lazy slow and minimalist movements which always seem compulsively and sexually charged, and her voice chatters nonstop with a tone which sounds perpetually irritated, passive aggressive, cauterwauling like a yowling cat at times and falsetto whimpering at other times, and just generally acting like an annoying fat piece of shit blocking the tubes that I cannot help but want to euthanize.

* * *

Honestly, I don't care how fat or toned a woman's body is does not really matter much to me and neither does her vocal pitch in terms of how attractive I find her to be. I noticed than women with short hair (close to the head and not extending past their ears) is generally much more attractive to me than longer hair is on women. I do strongly prefer women to not be overweight and to be thin yet athletic looking. I also prefer them to dress, move, and talk in ways which is androgynous rather than explicitly feminine. Such women are probably assumed via first impression to be lesbianism, culturally liberal, and college educated (much to the dismay of seemingly most men and women). There are exceptions to what I've said. I'm just sharing this last tidbit because I am annoyed by the overwhelming prevalence of women who, to me, behave and present themselves as mewling baby chimps who act retarded, weak, submissive, unnecessarily apologetic, subdued, and lacking vitality and who seem to be the human equivalent of dogs who always need to be guarded, owned, bossed around by, and preoccupied with some chauvinistic male overlord. I feel like one of the rare few humans who has the capacity to even point this out and to admit being disgusted by it. I think most people pretend to be indifferent and okay with what I point out because they feel they have no choice but to nonchalantly play along because, if they don't, they will be ostracized and put in harm's way.

To some extent, I think all humans are trying to save themselves from suffering and from dying younger than they want to. What I am doing that seemingly must humans are not is pooping out babies merely to increase my own chances of getting to extend my life and avoid being socially ostracized and put in harm's way. I do think that I am villainized for not wanting to get married and for not wanting to sexually reproduce (and especially for wanting to call attention to environmental sustainability issues instead of deny that humans are responsible for climate change and that humans are endangering future generations of humans by not immediately adopting more sustainable infrastructure and practices (the phasing out of fossil fuels especially)).

I wonder if or when the majority of humans will snap out of behaving like automatons of the fossil fuels industry. That seems to be at the heart of what is most pervasively plaguing humanity (as far as I can discern). The more I call attention to this matter, the more vehemently humans seem to swarm and oppose me. To me they look like guard dogs whose owners are Big Oil tycoons. They practically turn rabid and foaming at the mouth when I turn my attention away from Big Booty and towards Big Oil. Baba no likey when big booty and big booby not taking up all da scween time. Make baba happy or he will slash your tires, threaten to run you over with his monster truck, or leave the carcasses of mutilated cats along your path while the wives and children of such men look on smugly and timidly from the sidelines as doe eyed angelic cucks to the patriarchy. 

* * *

I'm tired of (relatively ghetto women) whining about how much they do to look good and to make a big deal about exercising and controlling their food intake as if such things are monumental, revolutionary, and novel when, for most white collar professionals with a background in science and engineering, such things are commonplace. I think the reason why (relatively ghetto) women resemble grade school aged children and act disturbingly obsessed with the upkeep of their superficial appearance is because the men in their lives are not any less intellectually and emotionally immature. Those men act like sex obsessed dogs who hoot and hollar at anything which makes their dicks tingle and they keep calling attention to their very important penises while the women act like those penises might as well be their remote controllers. It's like full grown women settling for getting married to mere dogs who then renounce being human in favor of being subhuman. I bet that many ghetto women who somehow get rescued from the ghetto and are accepted into relatively pristine and prestigious white collar office job environments are initially shocked to be treated like humans instead of dogs in heat for the first time in their lives by their male colleagues. That's the big secret the insecure, rage prone chauvinist ghetto men don't want "their" females to know about. I wish all the women would boycott the ghetto men by refusing to have sex with them so that those trash stop propagating their genes and their detrimental ways of life. It's about time the whole of human civilization attains a first world standard of living and to phase out third world conditions entirely. I don't mean that genocide should be deployed, but I do intend for sexual reproduction in such conditions to stop even if that means entire lineages come to an end.

* * *

Within the past two months I removed the paid membership tiers from my Patreon page. Not a single person subscribed. I doubt that any of my "friends" would have subscribed if I asked them to. When I asked them to send me even a tiny token amount of money via my PayPal donation link which used to be displayed alongside a link to my Patreon page on Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com, two people sent me that token amount but one of them told me what I assume is a lie that they could not use their PayPal because their account was hacked (and that person often would feign forgetfulness as a means to not answer "difficult" questions). Within the past two months I also removed that PayPal donation link from Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com. I can tell this issue is something pig_gorl is extremely opposed to me addressing. She seems very opposed to me getting recognition for my web presence. I think pig_gorl just wants me to sulk and not tell anyone about what is bothering me and pretend not to care about anything other than fitting in with the people at whatever company I end up working for and pretending to have no interests nor aspirations other than making friends wherever I am at and pretending to be from a similar background and having no hobbies outside of watching popular sports, popular cinema, and hanging out with ex boyfriends.

* * *

Since 04_JULY_2023 and probably before, the weather in the region I've been traveling inside of (along Planet Earth's surface between the boundaries of Dublin/Pleasanton, California and Castro Valley, California) has been approximately 30 degrees Celsius with only a few specklings of rain drops when thin cloud layers formed as a result of nearby ocean water being evaporated from the sweltering heat during the day and condensing from the cooler temperatures at night. I hiked up the hill to where my car is parked drenched in sweat and feeling irked from being surrounded by many humans and their noises and pollution nonstop since approximately 11AM this morning. As I walked up the hill, I saw some fat necked Mexican dude sitting in his car smiling as I was grouchily turning onto the street where my car is parked. I have been avoiding going to my dad's house because I fear people gather around just to try to prevent me from getting adequate space to relax in seclusion and without constantly having to control my facial expressions (and I have been having a hard time doing anything but practicing my deadpan facial expression which kind of now feels stuck on permanently because I wanted to look unemotional and cold. I cannot help but apparently look very, very angry almost 100% of the time and that has to do with not being happy about feeling engulfed by other humans and their opppressive noises, pollutants, and big scary machines which threaten to injure or kill me). I hear humans scolding me approximately 20 meters away. Someone just angrily honked their car horn. The people around me seem to want to deprive me of quietude even for a second. I do seem to be at war with the locals who are opposed to me relaxing and feeling good. I just put on my headphones and turned on a noise generator application to mask the sounds from my environment so I can finish this note without having to constantly be distracted by the barking humans. I was thinking of driving this car to my mom's house to shower and wash my clothes. As soon as I drive this car, I apparently lose all credibility as an environmental activist. Yay! Now no one in this town has to worry about any wayward stragglers left on the streets going on strike against the beloved petroleum industry which our lovely town depends on to be the thriving and productive town it is. It's time to tell those fear mongering environmentalists to shut the fuck up and get out of pridelands. Gasoline combustion and drilling is here to stay. (Let Elon Musk and Bill Gates and Joe Biden handle all that greenification of the economy. No rush! Relax and just focus on you for a change! Smile! Enjoy the simple things. Stop trying to save the world. As long as you are a follower of Jesus, you are saved. That's all that really matters. Now go hang out with your fellow Christians and enjoy some ice cream and the picture show. Find stuff to do in your local community. Don't feel guilty driving a petroleum powered car. It's impossible to hold down a job and domestic responsibilities without one. Bicycles are for kids and for pleasure rides once in a while; not something to partake in daily. You don't want to be dirty, sweaty, tired, nor late for your appointments now).

All kidding aside, I am trying to use the car only as minimally as necessary to (a) hold down a job and (b) save myself from being overexposed to heat, harmful radiation, and other stressors. It seems like people prefer I only travel by car and never walk nor bike. I intend to keep alternating between bicycling (and taking BART) and driving instead of being more "all or nothing" about my commute methods. For the record, I am still vegan and I am still open to working in warehouse settings (but I have decided to set aside job searching despite getting some replies to job applications I submitted because I feel the need to devote all my time to getting my entire web presence up to date and resolving any other existential crises I have which I think are preventing me from accomplishing my goals and from feeling satisfied with my life. When I do start working, I want to have some kind of self care and study routine setup so that I do not ever again suffer the terrible angst of merely going to work just to have the means to go to work and do almost nothing else. I want to know that my going to work is just a means to accomplish my long term personal goals related to lifelong intellectual growth and holistic fitness and wealth building and not just spending myself broke each paycheck instead of saving and investing my money in things which accrue value over time. If all I do is spend all my money merely maintaining what little I have, then I fear I'm being too menial instead of enterprising). Someone near me is smoking cigarettes. The sun has set and the sky is still bright blue with faint pink around the horizon on all sides of me. It is approximately 8:25PM. It feels like I hardly got to do anything I wanted today. A few people seem to care about me as part of their family, but in all honesty, I feel unliked by many and like someone they regard as a public burden and troublemaker to show disapproval towards. It feels like a crime just to be alone and outside so often and to take up so much space in the public eye (including online). I think people prefer that I get married and retreat into a cave and rarely come out unless it is to serve some community I belong to). My biggest crime is that I do my own thing in public without anyone's permission nor approval and to an extent other people find to be obnoxious. Right now someone just pulled up to the sidewalk on the side or the street I am on to park there with their high beams on glaring at me. These kind of passive aggressive acts of hostility towards me from other people happens regularly (usually daily) but today I have never seen so many of such acts in so little time. I get the sense other people want me to fall apart and to feel that I am only allowed to constantly be on the run and never allowed to enjoy a minute of my life.

* * *

The high beam car left after glaring at me for approximately five minutes. Perhaps they disapprove of strangers loitering on their turf.

I can tell that (almost) no one really cares about my political views, philosophical views, and personal interests and preferences really are. To most humans, I am an underly useful utility who has yet to earn its keep and to not be a burden to other people. I need to do a better job of not taking up their attention. That probably means I will have to drive more (such that I look like I have a full-time job) and update my web content less.

I can tell that I am at a stalemate with humanity in general. Many other humans seem to think I should be working for other people full time and showing much more interest in other humans' lives than I currently am. Meanwhile, I prefer to live like a schizoid, take a greater interest in science than most other humans seem to, and only do the bare minimum to survive and to pay for the things I want. I don't really think it is appropriate for me to make friends because doing so is contrary to my preferred way of life (but I will ingratiate apes as I feel I have to in order to accomplish my objectives). I resent being coerced into socializing when I would rather be left alone. I get that I am "criminally self absorbed" according to many others. Well I could say that most others are "criminally indifferent to the environment (and to my interests)", but I think that I am the loser and those other people are the winners because popularity and social conformity and cohesion is what matters most. My values are not sufficiently important to sufficiently many people who are deemed to have sufficiently high social status ranking. Hence, I am basically being drowned out by those who outnumber me in terms of group size and social rank. I hope that all my notes which follow this one are not so whiny. It's just that today I ended up feeling extra harassed by things which bother me to a non trivial extent. I am drowning in humans who don't share my values and whose personalities are abrasive to mine.

* * *

I just got out of the shower at my mom's house using the bathroom next to my childhood bedroom. I enjoyed getting a break from being on the side of Castro Valley I did not grow up on and from being away from the place which most feels like my concept of home (though I am afraid to move back into this house because of bullying from the thought police who seem eager to throw me into a ghetto and to prevent me from enjoying a white collar career path as punishment for past transgressions and perhaps to protect the egos of those they favor (such as AJP especially) so that those very important people do not feel upset by me thriving instead of suffering the way those very important moral arbiters seem to prefer and such people seem to be envious of my relatively fortunate and affluent circumstances and adamantly opposed to me capitalizing on such because that's what those people seem to think is fair).

As I was drying off, I thought about how I would not want to live in an apartment right next door to a family with small kids (but I probably would not mind unless those kids and their mother were Hispanic). I admit to feeling repulsion towards Hispanic people. It could be because such people seemed to wage some kind of anti individualistic and anti feminist campaign against me in the year 2016 and because such people seem to regard AJP as someone who ought to lord over me as my dictator and enforcer of gender traditionalism. I have felt that such people had some kind of vendetta against me (not all and not even most, but some people who I could describe as feeling like some kind of mafia loosely affiliated with AJP's family and people who want to punish me for emasculating, defaming, or otherwise inconveniencing AJP by being "excessively" outspoken, individualistic, and masculine instead of being more of a humble, nonchalant, effeminate, and supportive wifey to AJP (and AJP seems to want little kids more than I do and I find that repulsive because AJP is not a very warm, loving, kind, or supportive of who I am kind of person (and SED embodied more of the traits I found desirable in a life partner such as gender fluidity, being forthcoming and articulate in his thoughts and interested in having deep and lengthy philosophical conversations with me unlike AJP who acted moody, distant, tight-lipped, and chauvinistic, and SED was more cuddly and cute and acted like a giant cat, and I love what a hard-core gamer nerd and technology fiend SED was. Meanwhile, AJP seems to be more of an elitist snob who acted like he had to impress some woman who was not very geeky, but instead, very much a traditional conservative woman with stereotypically feminine interests and personality type and not someone who AJP would feel dwarfed by in terms of intellectual, athletic, or reputational prowess))).

I have been sitting in the downstairs bathroom. I hear a movie playing in my maternal grandfather's room which is adjacent to this bathroom. My mother is watching television in the living room at the south end of the hall (and this bathroom is near the north end). 

My skin feels hot from being overexposed to the sunlight. I am genuinely worried that I have already spent too much time inhaling pollution and accumulating cancer cells as a result of being overexposed to sunlight. I might just default to hanging out in that underground parking garage I used to spend a lot of time at back when I was working on the first draft of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com in late 2022. That place seems to be a decent escape from heat and rain as well. If I go, I'll probably take the car to the East Dublin BART parking garage and ride the bike to that garage. Maybe I'll find a better alternative to that arrangement. It is hard finding a decent place to go outside which adequately meets my needs. Hopefully I will find a solution I am actually happy with which isn't "too good to be true".