/**
 * file: karbytes_12_july_2024.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 12_JULY_2024
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

During the past two weeks I have been spending more than 90% of my time down in the region spanning Milpitas, Sunnyvale, Santa Clara, and Mountain View (instead of my usual hangout location and home region (which is relegated to the comparatively poor and crime-ridden region of the San Francisco Bay Area referred to as the East Bay)). I have been down here in the South Bay to expand and fortify my mental map of the portions of the Bay Area which are especially suitable for bicycling and getting around by foot (and I have become very fond of the South Bay because it seems more technophilic, gentrified, and safe and easy to bicycle through (and I am addicted to the mesmerizing natural beauty of the spaces which border the bay waters and marshes)).

While down here, I have been leisurely surfing the web, working on my blog, and sending out job applications (in a setting which seems to help me remain focused on my goals and (professional-ish) interests away from the places I have grown weary of spending so much of my life (especially the past ten years) in.

In other words, I am on an impromptu and intuitively self-guided immersive “summer camp” pilgrimage with the hopes of finding a way to (ideally permanently) escape destitution, unemployment, and a hellish sense of pessimism and anger about how I feel like I’m being denied employment opportunities, affordable housing, and humane treatment in the face of serious medical, financial, or social hardship (because the society I live in seems to treat me like a much lower priority person than seemingly most other people (especially those with young children or those who appear to be part of a heterosexual and cohabiting couple)).

I feel that I am being neglected, condescended to, and set up to remain destitute, embittered, and daresay anti-social by the state run system which is “supposed to” prevent all citizens (and “illegal aliens”) from dying or suffering severe physiological and psychological damage as a result of malnutrition (and not just starvation), being denied adequate housing (as I have seen today that Section 8 housing applications are closed to new applicants at this time), and being rejected by almost all employers (due to my criminal record of having shoplifted from a grocery store as recently as 2021 (which I did in response to feeling that I was being starved into conformity and complacency (and I did not want to wait in lines and make small talk at homeless shelters just to get some (relatively shitty yet free) food to eat as an alternative to starving “at home” as a hostage of a “community” that seemed to prefer that I stay unemployed and helplessly dependent on other people who act as my conservator while treating me like someone who cannot be trusted to live on its own (perhaps out of “fear” that, if I did become financially independent to live on my own, I would have more fun than what they are having) and someone everyone dismisses as being too crippled and sheltered to have anything interesting to say or do (which means that such people seem to prefer I spend most of what remains of my life bedridden, unemployed, socially isolated, and physically and mentally underestimated (or stimulated in ways I do not find desirable such as being coerced into having sex with people or being some kind of emotional support companion animal instead of being allowed to pursue my actual interests and preferred hobbies))).

I was denied stimulus checks which the government owed me (or else someone intercepted them in the mail). Also, I was not given this month’s food stamps despite being told by the CalFresh agency that I would be receiving them (which, to me, sounds like the government behaving in a deliberately passive-aggressive and tyrannical way and essentially sending me the message that I am not seen as worthy of thriving as much as “priority citizens” are (which is an implication that the government and society in general are enabled to bully me into self sabotage and perhaps even suicide but in a manner which does not make anyone but me look like an evil or insane person)). I conversed with ChatGPT-4o about what would happen to me and what my options would likely be in the event that I suddenly become severely disabled while having no monetary savings, no source of income, and no friends nor family and researched about relevant social services. Based on what I have researched so far, it looks like I will effectively be relegated to a jail or psychiatric hospital if that “worst case scenario” happens because it seems that I would be forced to be under constant supervision and only occasionally allowed to go outside the premises and, also, hardly allowed to pursue whatever my personal interests are (because they amount to anarchism, athleticism (beyond what is considered to be normal (as I am an extremely outdoorsy and physically active person)), intellectualism (beyond what is considered to be normal (as I am a staunch fanatic)), social nonconformity (and some degree of hermeticism), and unrestricted access to (relatively unaffordable) technological gadgets (because, while institutionalized, I likely would only get at most an hour per day to use a computer I do not own and which is not enabled to let me do many of the things I normally would do on my own personal computer in relative privacy away from other people telling me that I’m only allowed to stay in the shallow end of the pool (metaphorically speaking)).

Succinctly stated, I believe that I will most likely be left to physically and mentally atrophy in an institution which I am never allowed to leave and which might even get away with severely abusing me behind closed doors if the aforementioned “worst case scenario” were to actually occur.

On a more light-hearted (and perhaps proactive note), I do strongly believe that, as a result of my continued efforts to become financially independent (instead of dependent on handouts given to me “for free” by other people) through stable, adequate, and long-term employment (and not as a cripple), I will solve more than 90% of my personal problems. (The remaining less than ten percent of my problems would be entirely existential and psychological instead of pertaining to the prolonging of my physical survival, fitness, and avoidance of intolerable (or almost intolerable) pain. In other words, provided that I have a decent employment situation and healthy and satisfying lifestyle, I would seemingly have nothing to stress about other than problems which are entirely cerebral and abstract instead of base, visceral, and crudely concrete. Even if I were to become that relatively fortunate, I still think I would worry and rage incessantly about relatively distant and impersonal things such as ecological collapse, impending heat death of the universe, and wars taking place in foreign countries). I will keep searching for jobs and, if and when I am offered one, I will try to make the most of that job opportunity instead of take it for granted like I apparently have with jobs I held in the past. More importantly, I will do my best to continuously update and expand my knowledge of how everything works (in terms of physics, metaphysics, computation, biology, technology, engineering, and art). Such a lifelong pursuit of ever deeper knowledge is what I consider to be my highest priority aspiration in life (and my overall (self-assigned or not) “purpose” for existing).