/** * file: karbytes_24_september_2024.txt * type: plain-text * date: 21_SEPTEMBER_2024 * author: karbytes * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN */ Earlier today (i.e. 21_SEPTEMBER_2024) at approximately 4:00AM Pacific Standard Time and after completing the SOFTWARE_ENGINEERING_PORTFOLIO web page addition named PRIME_FACTORIZATION, I took a 250 milligram psilomethoxin capsule as per the microdosing schedule I selected for myself (which is one microdose per every three days) based on what was recommended to me by ChatGPT-4o on 18_SEPTEMBER_2024. That seemed to help my mind escape some rigidly repetitive thought loop pertaining to racist and sexist thoughts which I knew were mostly fallacious but seemed compelled to cling to (due to a prevalent experience of being reminded in an intrusive and caustic manner by my environment (and brain) that “might makes right” Darwinian natural selection (which amounts to individuals within an ecosystem competing against each other for dominance over coveted material resources, mating opportunities, and social influence (where the “strong” individuals tend to “win” while the “weaker” tend to “lose”)) seems to be the fundamental heuristic driving how human individuals, groups, and large-scale civilization behave and assign priority to things). As I settled into my sleeping spot in my “nest” of blankets and clothing items next to my bicycle (and while using my backpack as a pillow for my head), I started to have more varied and “progressive” thoughts and simply felt happier. Then I drifted off to sleep and had a dream I hope to forever cherish and which has philosophical significance to me. I dreamt that I was in the midst of doing errands which I selected to do and which pertain to my usual voluntarily-chosen activities such as picking up packages I ordered from delivery locations, curating and updating my blog, and attending to basic routine personal upkeep of body, mind, and capital I own and make changes to. The dream seemed to take place within an infinitely long summer in a universe I would describe as seemingly utopian (according to my ideals). There were other people present (mostly strangers of varying ages and ethnicities) in the Castro Valley community park I was at and it seemed that everyone was harmoniously coexisting and apparently content and even having fun. I was apparently caught up in some fun activity as though I were just another kid on the playground but I had the freedom to go wherever I wanted and do whatever I wanted unsupervised and without someone other than myself telling me what to do. At one point in the dream I was deciding that it would be a good time to get on my bicycle and bike to my dad’s house to do some laundry and to burn the latest batch of karbytes files to some M_DISCs which I recently ordered from Amazon dot Com, but first I ran and jumped from one of the upper level playgrounds to a playground stationed at a lower elevation level relative to what I imagine to be sea level (or baylands level) and I found myself ecstatically bouncing down the hill as though I were prancing on the moon (because I seemed to be under less gravitational pull towards the ground beneath me than normal and I was able to jump extra high and far). Then I got a little worried when I saw other bicycles parked and locked along the fences bordering a baseball field but did not see my bicycle (and I had forgotten where I parked my bike). I then started strategizing how to proceed from there in case I could not find my bicycle (and I expected my mom would be available and willing to help me get a replacement bicycle or to fix any parts which may have been damaged (either by vandals or by unintentional damage or loss to the bicycle (and the fact that I had that relatively minor adversity to deal with made my dream have some element of challenge and narrative arc but not to the extent that the governing laws of physics within that dream allowed more detrimental and suffering-inducing events to contend with))). I eventually woke up but now recall that dream as taking place inside of some idyllic and peaceful universe which seemed to go on that way forever in both temporal directions (i.e. past and future). What I mean to imply by the previous sentence is that the dream simulated what it would be like to inhabit a solipsistic utopia like what I described in a note which I wrote and appended yesterday named karbytes_22_september_2024. What was significant about that dream I had was being able to attain immortality, avoidance of what I deem to be all undesirable forms of adversity, and all the infrastructural and economic support I needed to keep pursuing my hobbies and lifestyle habits (which I think I would never get tired of doing (especially expanding karbytes intellectual property in tandem with scientific, technological, and artistic progress continuing to advance forward in novel, satisfying, and intellectually-stimulating ways)). I thought about writing this journal entry after considering how I wish to be immortal and to experience what I described in the previous sentence. I thought about how such idealization seems to clash with popular (if not dogmatically imposed) notions of mortality being absolutely unavoidable and daresay legally or socially required. As unrealistic as it may sound for me to claim that I believe that, given enough time and the right circumstances, I can attain that immortality and idealistic modality of existence like what I described in the last sentence of the second to last paragraph. For now, I accept that such an aspiration is not likely to be taken seriously nor supported by most people. For now, I will try my best to enjoy my life while it is occurring and set aside my worries until they become more relevant in my present-moment experience (as I think no amount of preparation is sufficient to absolve me of the discomfort I feel about dying, losing what I cherish, and undergoing agonizing experiences). At the very least, I think it is very realistic for me to aspire to be a real-life stoic and be dignified as I personally contend with mortality, loss of things I cherish, and agony. * * * For the record, I have been applying for jobs which are local to the Fremont, California region and which are full-time and pertaining to information technology and/or warehouse operations as recently as this morning (on 21_SEPTEMBER_2024). I think I now have the knowledge I need and the personal logistical preparations (including especially karbytes intellectual property procurement and curation) I need to confidently take on the burden of taking care of my own upkeep and socioeconomic advancement with or without my parents’ support and without any friends or other family members assisting me at this point in my life. That’s not to say that undertaking that without any support from people I regard as family or friends would be easy or without suffering. What I do mean to suggest is that I now think I have everything it takes for me to go through this world surrounded entirely by strangers (provided I remain in the United States of America and stay at least as able-bodied as I currently am). Once I seriously start working for pay (as a full-time employee), I expect for updates to karbytes to be less frequent but not lesser in quality. I also expect that I would not be having as much time to indulge in other hobbies and in the sense that I am in no major rush to get things done due to the fact that my particular (current) unemployment situation has enabled me to enjoy ample unstructured time to do seemingly anything I want to and which I have sufficient energy and money for. Once I start working full-time, I might have worsened health, poorer cognitive functioning, significantly more stress, and a bleaker outlook on my future and on existence in general. Oh well. Whatever the future bestows on me, I will make the most of everything I have to the best of my ability (especially as a philosopher with a public web presence who hopes to impart insight, inspiration, and comfort to those who find the digital artifacts I publish on the World Wide Web (especially through the mediums of Karlina Object dot WordPress dot Com and Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com)). In a nutshell, I am trying to “get my affairs in order” (i.e. take care of any “unfinished business” I feel the need to take care of before I die (whether I die several decades from now, sometime sooner than that, or not at all)). Then people might ask me (after I appear to have successfully completed all my “unfinished business”), “What are you doing with your life now thar you are as ready as possible to die at any moment between now and any point in the future?” I would answer by saying that I would be spending the time between now and any point in the future after now helping other people get their “unfinished business” complete to their satisfaction and as soon as possible. * * * One final remark: I said in some past journal entries (including in the chapter of my blog named KARLINA_OBJECT_EXTENSION_PACK_20) that I did not believe that any human being, X, genuinely enjoyed the existence (especially coexistence) of any human individual other than X. I also insinuated in those journal entries that I felt a bit misanthropic and contemptuous towards a rather large percentage of the human population and/or to specific human individuals and/or to humanity as a whole (which lead me to feel obliged to internally pretend that I was really something more intelligent, long-lasting, expansive, powerful, and personally commendable than any mere human (i.e. that I was really a transcendental “superhuman” entity disguised as a human being)). I now would like to redact ANY dismissive, condescending, damning, prejudiced, contemptuous comments I ever made/make about ANY humans and instead take a more “do not know” attitude towards them. I daresay I even have some degree of affection for my fellow humans and an even greater degree or forgiveness/empathy for them (and all of them) than I ever did before.