/** * file: karbytes_03_october_2024.txt * type: plain-text * date: 01_OCTOBER_2024 * author: karbytes * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN */ To be honest, I'm in agony on a nearly constant basis because, for some reason and by some technological means currently unknown to me, I am constantly being forced to listen to distracting and often antagonistic noises which seem to be emitted from devices implanted inside my skull and which seem designed to prevent me from being more introspective, mentally focused on what I want to focus my attention on, and seriously able to establish some kind of regular mindfulness meditation habit. I think AJP may have helped install those devices (despite me lacking memories which are currently known to me about how that was accomplished) while spending time at his apartment with him present to monitor me the whole time (whether it was an overnight stay where I slept or a non-overnight stay). I think AJP is also involved in generating the harassing sound effects in an effort to hijack my cognitive resources and physiology in order to either serve his agenda and/or to punish me for qualities I exhibit or deeds I have committed which he does not approve of. I also suspect my parents, other family members of mine, and some other people who know about my existence know about such harassment and even approve of it occurring and continuing to occur for an indefinitely long time because they think the harassment is working to make me more socially conformist, compliant, and humble instead of how I prefer to be. I have depicted some of the most annoying and recurrent voices I hear via the aforementioned harassment in a web page which lists many video files featuring those sounds in the web page at the following Uniform Resource Locator: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/pig_gorl/ Based on how I've observed other people behaving in public seemingly in response to my thoughts, emotions, and physical presence, it seems that other people have telepathic access to my thoughts and emotions or else those other people are also being spammed with the same sonic harassment I am. That does not explain how the "intracranial" sounds I hear seem to be in immediate response to the thoughts and psychosomatic qualia I focus my attention on. Perhaps I and every other human around me are living inside of a vast "soup" of interconnected and stealthily placed sensing, routing, and processing devices which effectively decimate concepts I had about what boundaries between individual humans are. Despite the relentless harassment I described that I've been going through (which I documented more details about in the web page at the following Uniform Resource Locator), I insist on only doing what I actually want to do instead of allowing other people's agendas to usurp me own: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/karbytes_journal_2022_entry_138/ I do believe I am being tortured by other people against my will while people other than myself take sadistic pleasure in it and almost never show me sympathy nor offer me any useful insights about the matter. I also think the aforementioned torture is happening primarily to emasculate me and make me appear weaker and more disadvantaged than I would be without such harassment to people other than myself (and people who are envious of my otherwise good fortune and higher self-esteem). I do think more humans would rather me not achieve my goals than achieve them. I also think most people primarily associate with each other over common miseries and weaknesses instead of bonding over common personal development related endeavors. * * * One final remark before I close this note: though I think it is an obvious and unremarkable tautology, I feel the need to reiterate the following premise (because many humans seem to balk at it and vehemently deny it): reality is under no obligation to cater to any human's idea of what fairness or justice is. Many examples in nature show how brutal life is for some species of organisms. Humans are no exception, and as far as I can tell, they are (predominantly) a very male-dominent, hierarchal, and war-mongering species. Rare is the human exception to such norms. I am privileged to have been able to pursue and enjoy the opportunities I have which most humans (especially female humans) have not been allowed to enjoy (due to economic, political, and social restraints). I would advise humans to cease breeding until they get their scarcity issues under control (and I do mean to imply that I think only sufficiently rich people should be allowed to breed without penalty or even forced sterilization). The poor are more of a problem than are the rich as far as I can tell. I see the poor do little other than produce offspring they cannot afford to raise sufficiently well to leave the poverty cycle. So I would say let the poor have no more kids and let the robots take the jobs which humans are not as good at and which cost more to employ humans at. Let the rich people's and corporate taxes pay for the unemployed to live in tiny homes but not breed in them. * * * One final remark (for real this time): I needed to express the prior thoughts in order to finally arrive at my final lingering point of this blog post. I can tell that the human society I live in is not configured to allow someone to enjoy my preferred lifestyle and how I have been generally living during the past four years. Instead, it seems configured to ensure that no one has more than four five hours of solid personal time on a typical work day (and people are supposed to work for people other than themselves in and be working no fewer than four days and at least seven hours per work day). I see that the cost of living in this society is too high to enable most people to live alone. Hence, most people seem to have it in their minds that they need to be much more community-involved and having of friends than I am and have been. While walking my bike to the repair shop today, I noticed a person sitting in a lawn chair in front of its apartment or motel simply staring at the vehicles passing by (but I really don't know what was going through that person's mind). I got the impression that person has nothing left to do other than allow time to pass and things to pop up on its agenda as a result of time passing. I admit to feeling that "at the end of my life" right now. I think people are waiting for me to "admit it" instead of acting like and thinking that I have some hidden agenda and many more things on my mental to-do list which I have yet to disclose to the public. Maybe I do "secretly" harbor hidden ambitions I have yet to disclose to the public and maybe I felt pressured by people other than myself (or general impersonal circumstances) to "confess" that I feel like I have nothing left to do other than wait for time to pass and for things to come to me without me trying to make them come to me. I admit that I feel obliged to pretend I have little to do in order to get a job and to avoid further punishment but, at the same time (and to perhaps a greater extent), I feel obliged to stay busy with my personal projects (which are quite time-consuming and challenging (and, in some cases, financially costly) to undertake) rather than to just relax and do nothing more. So I end this note by saying I feel that I'm in a mental tug-of-war between being more complacent and willing to go with the flow of other people (to acquire material resources and to avoid ostracization) and fighting against social conformity and remaining a staunch loner and daresay megalomaniac (or at least someone who is very serious about getting to "the bottom of everything" and becoming as omnipotent and omniscient as possible (and immortal and immune to damage)).