/** * file: karbytes_06_october_2024.txt * type: plain-text * date: 03_OCTOBER_2024 * author: karbytes * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN */ It is an aspiration of mine to not want people other than myself to suffer merely because I am suffering. I think that most people, X, secretly (or not so secretly) prefer that people other than X suffer when X is suffering and such desire is the basis for most socializing (though I could be mistaken). I generally assume the previous statement is true and use that as justification for why I do not seek to be included in some social group (but I do seek to do what I think is the bare minimum in terms of “schmoozing” to get access to the material commodities I need or desire). As an extension of what I said thus far in this note, I aspire to suffer alone rather than to look for other people to acknowledge my suffering, show me sympathy, or even suffer in similar ways to how I am suffering. The thoughts I expressed in this note thus far are logically supported by the (seemingly infallible) premise that a person’s own subjective experience cannot be directly or literally shared with any other information processing agent (but such experiences can theoretically be (superficially) verbatim replicated if such experiences are recorded comprehensively enough in some (relatively) lossless data format and then transmitted over to a different information processing agent other than the information processing agent which is the original source of such transmissions. Pragmatically speaking, I assume less than five percent of a human’s subjective experiences are that comprehensively transferred to the mind of some other information processing agent (whether that information processing agent is another human, some kind of similarly complex artificial intelligence, or some other entity with at least that much information processing capability). I also think it would be unethical to designate some human other than myself to be “on call” to regurgitate my own copied over subjective experiences (unless that person consents to such a task) because that would presumably rob that person of the opportunity to experience its own similarly complex subjective experiences apart from mine. So now that I got that part of this note out of the way (which is the part justifying why I do not need to attend an emotional support group nor be attended to by counselors), I am ready to get to the next part of this note (which is the part where I essentially run my own criminal background check)… * * * Before I get to that damned “background check”, I thought I should clear a few things up. Firstly, I really do not mean to imply that I have no interest in being part of society. I generally enjoy being in public spaces (especially while doing my own thing on my laptop or phone) and observing the bustling activity of the people around me as they go about their business. I know from experience that I do not thrive nearly as well in a more secluded environment for too long. In other words, I seem to need some degree of immersion in more social settings than spending time locked away in my room or hiding in the boonies somewhere. What I trying to get at is that I need some kind of balance between spending time in seclusion away from people other than myself and time immersed in places where other people are present and social interaction can easily and spontaneously happen. As a human being, my neurology seems to crave and need both types of stimulation to truly be thriving. Otherwise, I am frankly miserable. Secondly, I do not mean to imply that there is no value in social support groups or in venting about one’s grievances to a counselor or trusted associate. It would be vain and dishonest for me to claim that I never needed that kind of support from people other than myself while growing up. I do think that (almost) every human needs another human present to serve as a role model and source of emotional validation in order to develop properly. Otherwise, that human would probably have a hard time feeling connected to humans other than itself and hence not be as motivated to invest itself in the welfare of humans other than itself. Humans are a social species, after all. They would die without ample support from other humans while they are young (unlike many other species of Earth-based lifeforms which are able to survive independently of any caregivers such as parents or other family members). Finally, I am not writing this note in order to damn myself to being barred from gainful employment opportunities nor from other opportunities to enjoy life as a human individual. Instead, I am writing this note in order to get some lingering insecurities “off my chest” and into the public World Wide Web hopefully once and for all (and with the earnest intent to never again commit any of what I deem to be unethical deeds)… * * * KARBYTES_WORST_CRIMES (according to karbytes as of 03_OCTOBER_2024): 1. There is an oft overlooked “crime” I have committed and seemingly never been called out on which I remember committing approximately six years ago and which I mention in the following journal entry (and that, in fact, may be the worst thing I ever did because it endangered the well-being of a child and not merely some adult (and I think it is worse to hurt a child than it is an adult because (a) children have not had as much time as adults have to learn and to enjoy existence and (b) children are not expected by society to be as agential as adults are)): https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/karbytes_journal_2022_entry_300/ 2. What I consider to be the second-worst crime I ever committed was something I was incarcerated for (first at a psychiatric ward and then at a county jail) but arguably my incarceration period was not sufficiently long (but perhaps the psychological torture I have been subjected to from some kind of technology which reads in data from my physiology (likely electrical signals traveling along the nerves of my face and throat which occur merely by thinking in words and not just by speaking them out loud) and which outputs “feedback” data into my skull (possibly via wireless electromagnetic signals sent to my cochlea from some remote location and/or via “hearing aides” or brain-to-computer interfaces)) have made up for that relatively short prison sentence (and, if that is the case, I would assume it is because the criminal justice system thought that it would be more appropriate to have me “rehabilitate” in society than be left to “rot” in captivity away from the larger society due to the fact that I have had difficulty throughout most of my life integrating into society due to my social awkwardness (i.e. “hyper” sensitivity to sensory stimuli and “hyper” self awareness and “over” thinking compared to what is considered to be “normal” for a human living in this time and place in human civilization), disdain for social conformity (and feeling “superior” to most other humans), and lack of social connections (though I do have some people in my life who I regard as family and who seem to be on good terms with me most of the time)) was the incident in which I initiated unprovoked violence towards my own mother by throwing a steel teaspoon at the back of her head. Details about that incident and what lead up to it are available in the following journal entry: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/karbytes_14_september_2024/ 3. The third worst crime I ever committed was not an act of violence but the first time I got legally penalized (i.e. fined and incarcerated) for vandalizing a parked car. Before that incident, I had “gotten away with” vandalizing the cars of people I considered to be family members at the time of vandalizing (and each of those vandalizing incidents solely involved me “keying” the cars (i.e. using a sharp object such as keys to etch scratches into the paint on the exterior of the car)). I had to log into my (now “private” (i.e. relegated to the deep web after being formerly located within the surface web (which is juxtaposed from the dark web)) legacy blogging website (named Karbytes For Life dot WordPress dot Com (which is not the same website as this website (and this website is Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com))) in order to find details I had written about the aforementioned vandalism incident. Here is a passage copied from a web page of that legacy website (which was last modified on 06_JUNE_2022): The following arrest resulted in the longest prison sentence I have ever served and the only felony I have ever committed thus far. What happened was that I was very agitated as a result of having no place to retreat to where I could study and enjoy solitude. While I was walking home, some white guy and his young son seemed to be following me as I walked along the trail. I was so pissed off from feeling swarmed and harassed by traditionalist conservative people that I keyed a big parked SUV. The owner of the vehicle saw me and recruited other people to swarm me, chase me into a corner, and threaten to beat me up. I felt like the only nigger in a Nazi-dense neighborhood. 4. Finally, the only other legitimate crimes (besides getting arrested for sleeping on property I was not authorized to be sleeping at in order to hide from what I thought were violent or intrusive bullies) I have ever committed (and been arrested for) were incidents of petty theft (all me stealing less than fifty dollars (per incident) of grocery items from various grocery stores while not having enough money to buy those items). All of the petty theft incidents I was convicted for occurred in the Dublin/Pleasanton region of California (but I do admit to have “gotten away with” stealing a few items here and there from other grocery stores even as recently as this year (i.e. the year 2024)). Some insights into those crimes are available in the following journal entry: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/karbytes_17_september_2023/ If you search throughout this website (using various search terms on the “nonexistent” web page at the following Uniform Resource Locator), you might encounter more material related to my crimes (or other subject matter) which I have not explicitly mentioned on this web page: https://karbytesforlifeblog.wordpress.com/666 (Note that the aforementioned “nonexistent” web page should display the following text: “Oops! That page can’t be found.” followed by “It looks like nothing was found at this location. Maybe try a search?” and a search form (i.e. a text field for inputting search terms alongside a SEARCH button)).