/**
 * file: journal_karbytes_19november2024.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 19_NOVEMBER_2024
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

karbytes_0: “Are you not just a woman pretending to be a man?”

karbytes_1: “I might be pretending to be a hermaphrodite at least some of the time, but in general, I am essentially just a woman pretending to be a man with regards to me taking testosterone and telling people my name is Kar or Kurt instead of Karlina (and Kurt seems like the easiest name to use in public because Kurt is a common male name where I live whereas Kar seems much more uncommon, gender ambiguous, and short for some other name). Kurt does not sound too much to me like someone trying to advertise how it thinks it is more unique than most other humans are around it and it is non-ambiguously masculine (unlike Pat and such). In the past month I emotionally graduated from making UNIQUENESS itself a particularly special or urgent topic (given that I now see literally every object (e.g. bit pattern, minute-long event, subatomic particle, spatially-temporally-energetically finite materialization of some otherwise noumenal object) as inevitably being the only instance of its kind throughout all of nature). Hence, I no longer feel compelled to deliberately emphasize my unique or uncommon qualities.”

karbytes_0: “Why do bother taking testosterone and pretending that you are a man when you could simply use your given name and present as your biological sex instead?”

karbytes_1: “I believe that I am happier taking testosterone than not taking testosterone and that I am happier role playing that I am a man instead of role playing that I am a woman. My personality and goals seem to align much better with a testosterone-dominant physiology than with an estrogen-dominant physiology. I don’t really know any subjective experience other than my own. Hence, I am not sure how other humans feel nor even if they do feel, but I assume that most woman have goals and personalities which align with being estrogen-dominant rather than testosterone-dominant and that most men have goals and personalities which align with being testosterone-dominant rather than estrogen-dominant while some rare exceptions within the human population exist (and I happen to be one of them).”

karbytes_0: “If it was illegal for you to present yourself as transgender, would you still try to?”

karbytes_1: “I would only to the extent I feel I could without getting seriously punished. If I happened to live in a society which made transgenderism severely punishable and cracked down hard on anyone showing even a hint of transgenderism, I would probably role play that I’m more estrogen-dominant than I feel my particularly natural physiology (especially brain) actually is (but I would try to remain celibate and single and perhaps even try to join a nunnery to do so (because I would arguably rather die than get married and have kids)).”

karbytes_0: “Is that why you don’t have a job? People don’t want to hire you unless they know family is your highest priority, don’t mind babysitting nor entertaining children, and are not just selfishly indulging your own individual ego instead of congealing with a collective ego instead?”

karbytes_1: “Maybe I am, to some extent, being discriminated against by employers for appearing to have a radically different lifestyle, priorities, interests, and beliefs than what other people have (and people who they know and would hire). I think the main reason I don’t have a job is that I have only been applying to jobs sporadically instead of more regularly and because I have not been tailoring my resume and job searches to roles which genuinely suit my long-term interests. Most of the jobs I have done over the past ten years only lasted for up to four months and were not information technology jobs nor clerical jobs. Instead they were entry-level retail, restaurant, and logistics jobs suitable for a convicted felons with only a minimal degree of work experience and education. It seemed (and still seems) that society generally sees me as not being more deserving of anything better than such ‘minimum status’ jobs. Hence, I am very likely to continue searching for a job in such sectors (though I am also willing to try refactoring my resume, upgrading my professional skills, and raising the standards of the kinds of jobs I search for (even if people other than myself are unsupportive of my efforts to increase my income level)).”

karbytes_0: “You cannot increase your income level without other people’s approval and support. If no one but you wants to increase your income, you will simply remain poor. Your income is a measure of how much humanity values your time. It’s hard for you to amount to much in humanity’s eyes with so few friends and with so little demonstrated family-building potential. You are lucky you are not being forced against your will to socialize more, to be more heavily supervised, to be married to a man, and to bare and raise his offspring. Many people think you only deserve to be unemployed, homeless, and forced to beg and wait in line at soup kitchens for the rest of your life (and prominently in the public eye so that children can learn by your example what not to end up like). Many people think you should be punished for having a website or other time-consuming and self-enriching hobbies while so many other people (especially the poor ones) are busily toiling away at stressful, low-paying jobs while caring for small children, sickly relatives, and having practically zero time for solitary endeavors like what you seem to feel so entitled to on a nearly daily basis. Those people are not willing to give you a job until you appear to have no active Internet presence (and no personal brand of your own instead of identifying with a brand you do not exclusively own).”

karbytes_0: “I am not going to voluntarily cease keeping up my active Internet presence nor (directly) include people other than myself as original proprietors of karbytes public domain and public World Wide Web based digital files. The consequences will be what they are. I plan on making updates to my public Internet presence via karbytes at least once per month but preferably no less than once per week.”