/**
 * file: journal_karbytes_11january2025.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 08_JANUARY_2025
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

I have a few implicit rules for how I curate karbytes content. One of those rules is avoiding showcasing persons other than just myself, non-human animals, or people that are not expected by me to be recurring characters in my life. Hence, rather than include two recent video recordings I made where (a) the first of such videos shows my dad's band mates playing some warm up songs in the living room and my dad walking over to their area (slowly) to join them with me going to my room to fetch my server laptop to bring it outside to "my spot" in the backyard which is on the south-facing side of the house (and not in line of sight of the sliding glass door which is the outdoor passage into the living room where the band was (or is) playing) and (b) the second of such videos shows my dad yelling at me from behind the chainlink fence door which I used snipping tools from the garage to cut a hole in that fence so that I can enter and exit "my spot" more discretely than going all the way around through the gate on the other side of the house and which goes right past my dad's smoking room which has an always-open window in it and where he might be lounging to smoke and past the aforementioned sliding glass door. He was upset that I was, in his words, "ruining the house," and I retorted by saying that I was the one being intruded upon so brutally and needed a way to get away from people who would not simply allow me to work on my projects without demanding to interupt me and force me to engage with them in some kind of interaction which caters to their ego especially at the expense of my ego (and I did not literlly say that to my dad but I did say an "appropriately dumbed down" version of those words). It sounded like my dad wants to be the only cool drummer in the house at that time and that he was trying to "put me back in my place" by making sure I feel cornered, suffocated, and deprived of a place to focus on my projects (because, without my own crew of supportive allies, I have no "power" to stand my ground). Rather than "reward" such narcissim and sensionalism, I decided not to showcase those videos on my public-interfacing websites and, instead, back them up to some of my private GitHub repositories.

I did dicide, however to upload the two videos I made before I made the other aforementioned videos. The first of those earlier videos (featuring just me and not any other persons) showed me playing the drums in the living room (which looked more visually appealing than the older garage setting I found those drums in (and I was looking quite spiffy with my makeshift sleevless black t-shirt, sunglasses, and ear muffs (and I made the t-shirt sleeveless by ripping off the shoulder sleevees all the way after the right side became so torn it looked like a tank top on one side))). The second of those videos was admittedly naughty of me to make because I knew that my dad would not approve of what I did but, to be honest, I felt it was the most humane of all available options (even though, when my dad was scolding me about making a hole in the fence, he said I could have simply asked him to unlock the pad lock keeping that fence door shut). I just do not have the stomach left to ask my dad to allow me more room to escape his attention seeking (or at least somewhat dismissive of my feelings) ways. It causes me undeniable suffering to assume the role of a second class citizen in my own home while seemingly every other human there gets treated as deserving a nicer existence and whose time and feelings actually matter. To be clear, I do not intend to promote any more drama than necessary on the karbytes platform. Instead, I simply want to promote what karbytes enjoys making its life about; stuff which makes karbytes happy to be alive and stuff which karbytes wants to preserve in digital format and keep accessible to the general public (via the public World Wide Web (and perhaps the WayBack Machine at Archive dot Org as an ultimate backup of the public web-hosted files which constitute karbytes)) for an infinitely long time.

Earlier this morning I heard ornery sounding men this morning talking loudly and making lots of noise demanding that I feel like a prisoner singled out to be tortured by people like them. Maybe I misheard them. Maybe I did not. Either way, I understand that The Establishment reigns supreme and I am never guaranteed to be in its good graces. Hence, any day I could be thrown unexpectedly into "man-made" hardship as a result of not adequately catering to The Establishment. I worry that someone will come wreck my stuff or steal it. Hence, it gives me a non-trivial degree of security to be able to check on my dark web server from a location other than the property that dark web server is (currently) stationed at to see that no one has apparently yet sabotaged my dark website hosting service.

(Lastly, and not to sound like a nonstop complainer, it sucks that, as I write this note, rather than be able to smell the flowers and relatively clean air I am being forced to inhale my father's cigarette smoke which inevitably forces itself down my lungs and causes me to honestly feel poisoned and physically harmed. It might not seem like a big deal at all to most people (especially to XYZ people), but cumulatively that damage adds up and can seriously shorten my lifespan by years and undermine my quality of life such that suicide might be the best option. XYZ, of course, are The Establishment's favorite and most catered to people. What matters is that XYZ is comfortable at all costs; especially at the cost of karbytes).

* * *

One more thing: I could not help but notice that, yesterday a few hours into my hike into a relatively isolated part of the wilderness north of Castro Valley, California, my mind was finally able to finish a thought it had been trying to finish for seemingly years and could only finish if it had a sufficiently large space-time "container" in which to work out its inner logic-resolving processes in without interference from proximal humans). I also noticed that, immediately before and after I stepped foot into that wilderness, uppity men in big gasoline guzzling vehicles kept driving past me slowly and stopping seemingly to watch me (and cause me to feel suffocated by their presence as a sort of power play). Apparently my going off into places which are not easy for the general public to drive into makes Hulk very angry! Also, and I know this is getting quite petty of me to say, I cannot help but be depressed by and turned off by how little diversity in pedestrians I see in some places. It seems that, in some parts, only nuclear families, heterosexual couples, or people in loud Establishment-approved groups (who looks like bullies trying to deliberately make karbytes feel ganged up on) are allowed to take walks (and talk at the same time(!)); but I digress and return to saying that I do not know enough about what goes on in other people's minds and lives to authoritatively describe what they are really doing. It could be that I get carried away with my own conspiracy theories (which seem to help justify my preference for solitude over socializing).