/** * file: journal_karbytes_27july2025_p0.txt * type: plain-text * date: 28_JULY_2025 * author: karbytes * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN */ I have recently started to think that it might be a waste of my time to continue trying to figure out what the psychotronic harassment (including pig_gorl) is being inflicted on me for. Based on all that I can remember about that harassment (which has been occurring nonstop since early 2019), I think that the harassment is almost always more unhelpful to me than helpful and almost always consists of demoralizing, unpleasant, belittling, and antagonistic sounds and spoken messages. Therefore, I can safely assume that such interference is intended to cause me harm rather than to help me. I strongly believe that the psychotronic harassment is coming from law enforcement and maybe also citizen volunteers. The messages I receive from that psychotronic harassment is often contradictory, vague, oppositional (to karbytes), passive-aggressive sounding, hateful, belittling, full of lies, sometimes taking the form of insincere support towards me just to “disarm” me and then to attack me even harder by revealing such support to be a prank, and seeming to side with whoever my enemies are while treating me like a villain deserving of lifelong torment, sabotaged well-being, and being rushed to end its life much sooner than it wants to. In short, I think that the psychotronic harassment is designed to prevent me from being happy to such an extent that my risk of committing suicide is multiplied by orders of magnitude. That could be a means for law enforcement to stealthily get rid of what it thinks are threats to civil order and burdens they would rather not have to take care of. Also, I think that those inflicting the torture against me are likely envious of and/or irked by the qualities about my existence I take pride in and am grateful for and prefer that I be stripped of such qualities such that I am no longer a source of their envy. To be clear, my experiences have lead me to conclude that the sentiments such psychotronic harassment has been expressing towards me are not just representative of how law enforcement feels towards me. I also have experienced many incidents of what seem to be normal civilians treating me in a similarly denigrating manner (especially while insinuating that I did not deserve to have high self esteem or nor to take pleasure in anything (especially personal accomplishments and personal attributes that are either effortlessly a part of me or else qualities I had to intentionally work towards acquiring)). Hence, I have mostly defaulting to avoiding people unless I have what I think is a good reason to interact with them or if I feel cornered into interacting with them and am trying to avoid feeling regretful of my actions. The nature of a lot of the antagonism I get from other people comes in the form of what seems like gang stalking and verbal harassment (especially in the form of insults which are mostly untrue or heavily skewed towards a particular agenda: denying my intellectual nature and over-emphasizing my vanity concerning my physical appearance (seemingly because most of those people are more obsessed with superficial appearances than I am and lack the intellectual rigor and depth of technical knowledge I have and hence feel the need to reduce me to a simpleton like them)). “Like pearls before swine,” I often say to myself with respect to my karbytes-related endeavors; seeing how seemingly most people are too shallow, insecure, and insistent on lying and censorship to have the means to appreciate what I do and what I am without having to act retaliatory towards it (or dismissive at best). Of course it upsets me when people interfere with my karbytes-related endeavors. That is partly (if not wholly) why I fear that I might never be as happy as I hoped to be now that the psychotronic harassment (and other forms of harassment) seem to intrude upon me every second and to an extent which feels as serious to me as physical rape (perhaps even worse given that, unlike physical rape, the “mental rape” I undergo seems to be dismissed as not anyone’s problem except for mine; not something people other than me feel concerned about). It might seem drastic for me to say that I think I might never be happy if the psychotronic harassment does not stop. That is because the psychotronic harassment is preventing me from doing some of the things I deem to be most personally sacred: being able to hear myself think clearly (i.e. without being interupted with other people’s manipulative signals sent into my field of awareness especially through means which I think are at least as invasive and dehumanizing as physical rape). At “best”, such interference could be construed as theraputic intervention to help “correct” my “wayward” thinking. At worst, such interference could be construed as intentionally disabling and distressing control methods designed to punish me for some past or anticipated wrong-doing (by making it nearly impossible for me to practice mindfulness meditation in a serious manner (which is something I have wanted to get into the habit of since I was a teenager) and to have the cognitive resources necessary for studying and working in highly technical scientific, technological, mathematical, or analytical fields). I assume the “worst” case is in effect and that the psychotronic harassment and the civillians who condone it prefer that I be prevented from making serious advancements in the endeavors I described; namely mindfulness meditation and STEM work. Even I do manage to make meaningful progress towards gaining mastery in those two domains, it could be that society is opposed to recognzing and supporting such mastery in me and will refuse to hire me for STEM-related jobs so that I am forced to take a much less technical, prestigious, and high-paying job (and settle for being in the company of people who are really not my type). Finally, I think that many people get sadistic pleasure out of the torture I describe and love seeing me not making progress towards my goals and feeling bullied, ostracized, and tortured to the point that I am increasingly closer to feeling genuinely suicidal (especially while not having the means to commit suicide given that I think that someone will try to paralyze or otherwise cripple me and/or confine me to an institution against my will to ensure that I will be prevented from committing suicide so that people can continue to exploit me as a source of sadistic gratification). Every breath I take feels like being denied the sacred space I need to seriously relax and enjoy my inner silence. I hear defiling and trashy vocalizations every time I inhale or exhale. They tell me that they are opposed to me focusing inward and away from misery-mongering stimuli. They tell me that they want to prevent me from building resilience, inner peace, technical expertise, and physical fitness. In short, I think they want me to feel that I am literally in one of the cruelest forms of imprisonment: being deprived of my own inner santuary while being forced to live a life that is honestly starting to seem like is not worth living and is only allowed (or forced) to continue existing for the sake of appeasing the sadistic cravings of people other than myself. I am not allowed to have composure. I am not allowed to look nor feel happy. I am not allowed to take pride in my physical appearance. I am only allowed to feel extremely uncomfortable in my own skin and lacking in self-control (especially because I am denied the breathing space and privacy I feel I need to adequately recover from stressors and to focus on what I really prefer to be working on). I am not allowed to have much say over my living situation. People might tell me I have options and the freedom to choose but, in reality, they and others seem to impose limitations on me to such an extreme extent that I basically have almost no say over the circumstances of my life. It makes sense that I would want to rebel by refusing to socialize anymore than I think is necessary for me to survive and to obtain and keep employment (or income in general). It makes sense that I would opt to become a loner and even a misanthrope while making the World Wide Web my last oasis for communication beyond what seems necessary for my survival. I fear that even that will eventually be taken away from me after I am deprived of my sensory and motor functions and/or made to endure a crippling degree of physical pain and/or institutionalized or otherwise placed in the “care” of people who deprive me of the means to partake in the activities I enjoy (including using the Internet to access information of my choice and/or to express myself in the form of blogging (especially via the karbytes platform)). I am not allowed to heal from trauma (but I am forced to be re-traumatized over and over again by antagonistic and otherwise threatening forces I cannot seem to escape). I am not allowed to be cool, smart, and strong (but I am cornered into acting like a pathetic and helpless victim who is easy to feel resentment towards for being so pathetic and self-centered despite apparently having the means to not be so lame). Deep down, I think many people know that what they “secretly” want is for me to be their lamer counterpart instead of someone at least as non-lame as them. I think they need someone who is not part of their “circle of concern” to use as their scapegoat and torture target so that they have someone to channel their aggression towards and to always feel superior to in every way (because having someone to feel superior to in terms of economic assets, social status, social support, adversity level, pain level, et cetera) helps them breathe a little easier and gives them a bit of an emotional lift (which feels pleasant for them). I daresay they are addicted to keeping me as their hostage and target of sadistic pleasure and actively oppose anything which would alter that abusive dynamic. * * * The older I get, the more accurate the following statement seems for me: “Most of my time awake is spent suffering more than it is taking pleasure in my experiences.” It’s not that I don’t ever experience moments which are not more pleasurable for me than ridden with suffering, but rather, that such moments of predominantly pleasurable (or at least relatively pain-free) experiences are exceedingly short in temporal duration and almost always have a constant undercurrent of antagonistic, intrusive, and distracting voices from psychotronic harassment attempting to drown out my actual thoughts with someone else’s propaganda. So, in truth, I am never truly at ease because, to some extent, I seem to always be aware that foreign voices are speaking inside me and trying to replace my own verbalized narrative with someone else’s words. That’s what I mean when I say there are “anti-karbytes” forces operating in my life. Such forces seem to be trying to heavily censor if not erase me. The only advice I have ever gotten in reponse to sharing the concerns I have about these matters is to simply “get over” myself instead of fighting to hold onto a particular sense of self (even if that means losing my own special culture, language, and narrative streams due to the fact that maintaining my own one-person culture is an uphill battle and, quite frankly, a losing battle given that the “anti-karbytes” and/or “karbytes-indifferent” agendas are so much more invested in (by count of persons and quantity of resources)). I still stubbornly refuse to give up upholding my own personalized and self-curated sense of self in the form of a particular embodied persona and Internet-based personal brand (instantiated primarily through the blogging website named Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com). Like clockwork, as soon as I start talking about my brand in a technical manner, pig_gorl starts piping up with her anxiety-inducing and anger-inducing noises. She seems vehemently opposed to karbytes’ evolution and disgusted and maybe even envious towards anything which smacks of individualism (especially if it has any feminist undertones (and the society I live in seems locked onto the fact that I am biologically female and, hence, “ought” to be treated as a target of (normalized) sexual harassment, academic and professional sabotage, gaslighting, espionage, gang stalking, and other intimidating and downright oppressive treatment from patriarchy-enforcing thugs and their apologists)). Hence, I can tell that, many times, as soon as my femaleness is brought up, I get cornered into pretending I cannot do anything merely because I’m a “girl” (and “girls” are “supposed” to be too chronically upset, irrational, victimized, and subordinated by the patriarchy to do anything but comply with their oppressors and to play the part of the weaker, crazier, less intellectually and athletically competent counterpart who is shackled to other people’s judgments and authority as though completely lacking and self-originating motives of her own). That is mainly why I try to ignore gender politics. I find that the “discussion” of such matters almost always gets short-circuited back to agreeing that girls are overpowered by boys. So I just dope myself with testosterone (because I (still legally and logistically) can and I strongly prefer being testosterone-dominant rather than estrogen-dominant for performance reasons, mood reasons, and even aesthetic reasons) and simply do the best I can to assume the role of a biological male despite being born with a normal XX-chromosome genome. While people other than myself continue to bleat on and on that I am just a woman to them and insist on belittling me as such (even while pretending to “exhalt” womanliness), I see through their “game” and know that, deep down, men have it better than women. (I think the only way for women to not be discriminated against for being woman is for them to transcend having a gender and/or to effectively present themselves as men to society and to themselves especially (and taking testosterone greatly enhances that masculine presentation and internal bioligical/psychosomatic sense of being masculine much more so than feminine)). I noticed also that, as soon as I start delving into a software engineering project, the harasment greatly increases in intensity. There is clearly a pattern of the harasment against me getting significantly worse whenever I do something which asserts that I am not a victim and, instead, am a STEM-oriented professional (or making non-trivial advancements towards such). Hence, I conclude that the harassment I speak of (and maybe society at large) subtly or not so subtly discourages and tries to counter my (and perhaps other people’s) advancements towards becoming proficient in STEM (because those who attain such proficiency are better at critical thinking and maintaining an attention span especially on relatively “boring” or cogntivitely-taxing stimuli than are people not trained in STEM disciplines (and such untrained people are easier to psychologically manipulate and exploit as human livestock to keep the breeder-slave matrix going). I should also note that the “breeder-slave matrix” is a subset of the larger military-industrial complex and seems to implicitly impose an order of people baring more offspring and consuming resources in a rate and manner which is, by design, unsustainable long-term and only feasible for a subset of the population to engage in (while other people are relegated to poverty, hazardous environmental conditions, and being the victims of war crimes). That seems to be “natural selection” at play and, to some extent, consciously imposed by human oligarchs (and maybe by the ignorance and apathy of the sheep-like masses (who are obviously not very STEM-fluent)). I do believe that practical solutions to poverty, environmental degradation, and even warfare currently exist but are not being widely implemented because not enough people are motivated enough to take action on these matters (and that lack of motivation is almost entirely a result of not being sufficiently educated about the nature of these problems and the existence of available solutions largly because they are cornered into having too limited of an attention span and attention-attractor “coordiantes” to think in ways which run counter to group-think, authoritarinism, and environmental reinforcement to not stray from the herd intellectually (and, also, reinforcement to stay relatively crippled in terms of STEM sophistication)). All the pig-headed, kid-sized-brain adults seem to hear me saying right now is that I think they’re dumb (and, because I insulted them, they are too upset to listen to anything deeper in what I am saying other than I said something which insults their egos). So, like clockwork (or, should I say, cock-work) they are posed and ready to “retaliate” against me for “attacking” them with cruel insults. Whatever else I said goes out the window because the pig-heads don’t care (and only the pig-heads seem to get priority treatment in this society and daresay species (unless the scope of concern is some STEM-oriented or otherwise intellectually sophisticated community)). That is why I am told to “shut up” and “play dumb” (and not just “play dumb”, but actually “be dumb” by (a) not being allowed to continue developing my intellect further and (b) letting my current academic/professional training atrophy so that I become just another unsophisticated child-like adult who barely does anything but take the path of least resistance (against whoever the authorities or local “alphas” are)). I am neither an “alpha” nor a “beta” though I can tell society in general insists that I am “beta”. In reality I try to avoid being subordinate to people other than myself and I try to avoid making people other than myself subordinate to me. I think the technical term for what I am is “zeta” (which is outside the hierarchy of “alpha” above “beta”). It sucks but I still get treated like I’m supposed to see myself as just a piece of property which belongs to someone other than myself and that, partly for that reason, I am expected to have no self control (and me insisting that I have self-control and attempting to demonstrate that I have self-control is seen as an act of defiance inviting counterattacks from those who insist that I be made more beta than they are (or at least more beta than I prefer to act (which seems to them to be “too alpha” given how little I seem to be seen by others as deserving such a regal stature)). Apparently, wanting to keep to myself as a modern-day hermit (who expresses itself (at least anonymously) via blogs, social media posts, and comments on the World Wide Web)) is “too much priveledge”. Apparently, what I am “supposed” to settle for is not being very articulate nor technically proficient nor endowed with adequate economic/financial support to sustain a hearty presence on the World Wide Web. It seems that all I am allowed to do is baby talk and reflexively whore myself out to the highest bidder to buy me off the market and lock me down with biological children and legally binding marital and economic arrangements (as a means to suppress women’s power for at least one more generation (where each generation of subjugating women to the patriarchy while stunting their intellectual growth and independence increases the power disparity between the sexes (which is what I think originally lead to such a huge discrenpency in terms of power between the sexes in the human species (because favoring that women be specialized to domestic roles only has lead to the largest population surge by ensuring that the woman will be available to impregnate many times rather than just once, twice, or zero times))). They still call me Karlina instead of Kar. They still insist on calling me by female pronouns and describing me in emasculating terms and in terms which generally undermine my professionalism and authority. So be it! I can’t stop them from calling me whatever names they want. At least in the realm of karbytes (which is accessible to the general public via the World Wide Web), I can refer to myself by whatever terms I prefer because I solely manage that platform. It could be that karbytes is the only space in all of reality where I can fully express myself in terms I prefer and which is publicly accessible. I am grateful I have built up my cyberspace empire as much as I have. Now it is basically too big to easily take down (especially since I backed up so much of it to the WayBack Machine at Archive dot Org). The platform I built (which I call karbytes) helps to keep my internal mental world in tact by giving it a relatively immutable and externally validate-able reference point. If all I had was my brain as a place to store these ideas, I fear that those ideas would eventually get distorted and diluted due to the fact that the synaptic circuits in my brain which are responsible for storing such ideas is more costly to maintain and not as structurally sound against changes and atrophy. * * * On a more solutions-oriented note, I could save myself some stress and strife by saving new drafts of karbytes content on a new and completely anonymous GitHub account which exists solely to ensure that I back up those drafts to the WayBack Machine before migrating the finalized versions of those drafts to the GitHub account whose username is @karlinarayberinger (and while also ensuring that the file name of the final draft is different than the preliminary draft(s)) and, after ensuring that the final draft (in @karlinarayberinger) is saved to the WayBack Machine before deleting the respective rough draft(s) on the anonymous account. The benefit of this approach is avoiding looking like I am only partially done with a project (especially a relatively complex one such as a multi-file or large-file or buggy piece of software). That helps to keep my enemies from being able to easily track my next move. That reminds me of a rather sombering fact… I failed to mention in this web page that the psychotronic harassment seems to be able to, not only interject my thought stream with externally-sourced noise, but also, the psychotronic harassment seems to be in direct and immediate response to what I am actually thinking about (whether my thoughts take the form of words, images, sounds, et cetera). In other words, the military-industrial complex seems to have found a way to pry into my most private of experiences; into the literal qualia which I used to think I was the only person experiencing. Given that it seems that people other than me have access to my real-time mental activity (including perhaps real-time sensory input streams), it seems that, if the interceptors wanted to, they could use that information to counter whatever my plans are and to share that information to anyone they want to in order to prevent me from having that cool, powerful mystique and air of mystery so that I instead come across as someone being forced to walk around metaphorically naked while everyone else is clothed. Everyone else seems to have the dignity of mental privacy. I seem to be deprived of mental privacy as punishment for my “wrongdoings” and/or as a means for people other than myself (or even myself) to garner sadistic pleasure at my being humiliated, disempowered, and stripped of many of the qualities which made me feel special, safe, and powerful. “We already know what you’re thinking, doing, about to do, et cetera,” say the voices (in the style of pig_gorl). Embodied people in my midst often seem to mirror that sentiment and seem to take pleasure in going out of their way to show me that they have the upper hand in this game and that I am no longer more priveledged than they are. Now they are the ones standing over me and looking down at me and seeing how I practically have zero options while they have multiple. Rather than lie that I still think I have a chance of regaining my lost mental privacy and mental clarity and sense that I am not being ostracized and deprived of economic advancement in society, I think it is more realistic for me to admit that I think that it is probably “too late” for me to get those things back. It seems that I am on some kind of lifelong “ban” list from being allowed to have full human rights (because of the crimes I was convicted of committing and/or because I was institutionalized and legally determined to not be of sound mind). People on the “ban” list are not “supposed to” live full, successful, rich lives filled with affluence, fortune, fame, and power. Instead, people on the “ban” list are permanently treated as disposable and worthy of being ignored, ridiculed, and left to suffer and die in sub-optimal living conditions (while people who are not on the “ban” list are treated a lot more favorably). I suppose the only way I am allowed to carry on is assume the role of being defeated in this war. That means that I do not deserve anything I want; not even clean air to breathe; not a place where my property is safe from vandalism or theft; not a place which is free of sonic harassment (whether from psychotronics or from other civilians); not a job which would allow me to replace broken, lost, or stolen equipment; not the choice to pick out which clothes I wear or which food I eat or where and when I sleep. Apparently, I am supposed to be like a leaf in the wind being blown about by gusts that do not originate from my own mind and will, but instead, emanate from the minds and wills of people other than me. Apparently I am hardly allowed to say what I want nor anything at all because people are quick to cut me off mid-sentence and outright ignore me. Apparently I am supposed to operate like a mime in a silent film…until even that ability is lost and then I am just a paralyzed locked-in atrophying brain in a vat which is force-fed via tubes while I am forced to listen to and watch television not of my choice (like that lady I saw paralyzed by a stroke with bright wide eyes in the nursing home next to my dying grandmother). Even worse for me is imagining and maybe even experiencing people gloating about my fallen plight and rejoicing aloud about how I cannot leave, tune them out, do my own thing, or enjoy anything anymore (unless I enjoy watching myself slowly and probably painfully die). Perhaps the reason why immortality is extremely unlikely (even with humanity’s best interventions) is because eventually being embodied becomes an abhorently painful circumstance (and death can serve as perhaps the last remaining comfort one can have faith in bringing them an end to suffering). * * * For the record, I think that I will be moving back to my mom’s house to live in the downstairs room but leave my darkweb server continuously running inside my closet inside of the “Room of Kar” at my dad’s house because I am still experiencing too much second-hand (and mostly third-hand) cigarette smoke exposure which is making my clothes smell sooty, my throat chronically sore (while living here (even in the backyard in a tent)), and my heart area feels extra strained (and it is simply stressing me out knowing that I am being steadily exposed to life-shortening disease-spreading carcinogens). The backyard at my dad’s house is shaped like a box without a top so I think the smoke has a way of lingering in the air even if there is a breeze. Also, inside the house is noticeably thick with residual smoke and my air purifier’s indicator light has been staying mostly at red (which is the worst level) and sometimes briefly switching to one level above red (which is orange). On second thought, I am sort of attached to hearing my server play its song in the background where I live and I also like read-testing the M_DISCs I burn to both my main laptop computer and the server laptop computer (so it’s just more convenient for me to have both laptops and M_DISC burning BluRay disc drives in one location). I’ll simply use my dad’s place for storing burned M_DISCs and backups of my equipment. I tried to make living in the backyard work but I have too much anxiety about my health being worsened by the cigarette smoke for this arrangement to seriously be feasible for me long-term. I hope that I eventually get my own place to live (which is an actual indoor environment and not merely a tent nor a vehicle) before my parents start selling their houses. Well, I suppose I will have to prioritize my health over being able to have more frequent contact with Brea (and the full-scale drum kit in my dad’s living room). There is a smaller, shittier drum kit at my mom’s house. Overall, I think living at my mom’s house is the better of the two options given what my priorities are: minimizing my suffering and maximizing my prospects of obtaining and holding down a job. I also think my mom’s side of Castro Valley is less claustraphobic and annoying. My dad’s side of Castro Valley is quite noisy with perpetual construction (even right now on a Sunday morning at 2AM from my dad’s backyard I hear someone using a loud piece of machinery). Also, my mom’s house is much closer to open wilderness spaces to go walking in. My dad’s house is located relatively close to Lake Chabot Regional Park but not without having to go through lots of neighborhood territory first (and I have some bad history in those parts because I felt at the time it was all about the patriarchy trying to heckle me for wanting to do my own thing rather than what the patriarchy would’ve had me do). I think people on my dad’s side of the town are ruder to me and more uptight and chauvinistic. It feels like there is always someone trying to pick a fight with me every day over there whereas at my mom’s house there is not nearly as much of that kind of antagonism (though it is not absolutely zero antagonism either). I cannot seem to (yet) avoid interpersonal drama, but I can at least more accurately now predict where the drama is least likely given my options. The least amount of drama is camping deep in the wilderness, but that is not feasible to do on a daily basis. I prefer having the conveniences of actual housing so that I can enjoy using my computer in a comfortable and lengthy manner. I used to bring my laptop out camping but have been trying to avoid doing that again to avoid damaging my laptop from moisture and being bumped around or crushed in my backpack while traveling. When I do go out camping, I usually only bring my phone now and use that to take notes, surf the web, and use ChatGPT mobile (et cetera). * * * As of approximately 4:38AM Pacific Standard Time on 27_JULY_2025, I successfully moved my “infrastructural essentials” back to the “basement” room at my mom’s house and have the dark web server back up and running in the closet and the air purifier indicator light is currently at dark green (which is one level below blue (and blue is the highest level it gets)). When I initially plugged it in at this location today, it started off orange and then went back down to red and then went from orange to yellow-green to orange to yellow-green (for at least a few cycles over approximately twenty minutes) and I predict that, within an hour it will be back to blue as it usually is at this location. There is some weed smoke, coffee fumes, and cooking fumes which linger in the air at this location but the house is much larger with more ventalation and the room I am in has a sliding glass door which lets air in. Later in the morning the hawk which lives in the tree will probably start making its screeches and the squirrels will dart back and forth on the fence after sunrise. Before I took down the tent at my dad’s place and put it back in the “Room of Kar”, I requested that ChatGPT-4o generate an image to accompany the HTML version of this note which captured my sentiment around that time (which was approximately two to three hours ago). * * * I almost forgot to mention one last thought which has been popping up for me at inconvenient times to write it down (and those times were when pig_gorl was acting extra antagonistic towards me to the extent that I decided that she just wanted to sabotage my enjoyment of whatever I was doing and also make it such that I would be significantly more likely to screw up). I was basically trying to argue back with her and say that how she was treating me was akin to medieval torture as legally and culturally normalized punishments against criminals. I was telling her that, in modern times and in modern places, medieval torture is no longer considered to be ethical by the vast majority of people in those settings. I was saying to pig_gorl that the way she was treating me might seem perfectly justified by some people during these times, but in the future, I imagine that such treatment would be looked down on as unethical (even for criminals of violent crimes like me (and, even as a criminal of violent crime, I am relatively harmless and what I think is basically reformed (though I do have a strong sense of personal ethics and do not generally tolerate what I think is mistreatment perhaps as well as some people))). Basically, what pig_gorl was saying at that time (which was when I was putting away some M_DISCs I burned in the “Room of Kar” after walking from my mom’s house to my dad’s house via Lake Chabot Regional Park in the middle of the night) was that it was too late for me to be allowed to be treated by society (or the government) as a normal innocent civilian and, instead, I would forever be treated as some irredeemable and violent person who should only be allowed very limited opportunites to participate in society and to enjoy civil liberties (and that I deserved to be psychologically tortured by pig_gorl and company for an indefinitely long time especially in order to deprive me of serenity and satisfaction and instill in me a sense that I was not welcome to enjoy taking walks in the park nor do other things which I seemingly would be allowed to do without psychotronic harasment if I were eligible to be treated as a normal innocent civilian). So, according to pig_gorl, I am simply not allowed to thrive. Instead, according to pig_gorl, I am only allowed to suffer daily and to feel that I am being intentionally deprived of enjoyment of life so that my life culminates to being more painful than pleasurable for me. As long as I don’t commit further serious crimes, I seem to be allowed to live amongst normal innocent civilians but not without daily ostracization and unkindness from psychotronic harasment and some embodied civilians (or undercover government workers). I heard the psychotronic harassment claim that I being forced to have literal post traumatic stress disorder. To me that counts as literal torture (which I thought was basically illegal according to international concensus on how all people should be treated). Maybe the United States of America is not the most up-to-date example of how to treat people ethically. Now, now; I am not claiming to be a particularly good role model. In fact, I am claiming to be not so great of a role model because of how I behaved in the past (which is always going to be a part of how and why I do things after that period in time). I did not get to where I am today without committing atrocities. Therefore, I “should” not be regarded as a success story for other people to emulate. They “should” try to attain success in ways which do not involve initiating violence against any person. Therefore, I ought to be treated as a complex person who may have useful or interesting ideas to share online. That’s about it.