/**
 * file: journal_karbytes_10april2026_p0.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 10_APRIL_2026
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

Meditation for me is off limits (due to ongoing psychotronic harassment and thought policing by the government (possibly as part of some criminal handling procedure (to eliminate and possibly torture people who fail to adequately conform to society)).

Hence...

Calmness and professional advancement are for me unattainable or extremely difficult to attain (which means I will likely remain economically poor and socially de-prioritized (compared to what I might be id not subject to ongoing gang stalking and interference with my activities and tampering of my property)).

It seems that my being tortured in the manner already described in this note is not something many if not most if not all the humans around me are opposed to as much as I am. That's because many if not most of the humans around me are what I perceive to be cowardly, lazy, and uneducated compared to me or what I seek to popularize (if normalize)).

So much of what I seem to do is manage other people's envy and insecurity while being used as their scapegoat for taking out their control issues on. It seems there is a particular vicious cycle they are attempting (either intentionally or unintentionally) to induce: that I be deprived of opportunities to maintain and increase my affluence and overall well-being and that I be bullied and taken advantage of for having such artificially-induced disadvantages. Apparently, holding me back from attaining more optimization for my own ends is conducive to other people's advancement in their own ends (pertaining to wealth and health).

I often exaggerate my depictions of my own experiences or how I depict society or nature for the sake of "clearing the cache" of my own attention span and cognition (i.e. getting the nasty or less than adequately pleasant cleanup work of maintaining my own mind's garden (and "living(?)" garden of a mind.

I prefer to take full responsibility for everything my body has ever done past age two years. I also attempt to constantly "role play" that I am the most responsible conscious being in all existence even to the extent of imagining that I am a solipsistic reality simulation taking place as the only set of phenomena to ever transpire anywhere or anytime.