/** * file: karbytes_06_april_2024.txt * type: plain-text * date: 04_APRIL_2024 * author: karbytes * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN */ To Whom It May Concern: I am "paranoid" that, almost any time I attempt to sit down and work on something which requires a relatively high degree of mental focus and use of relatively esoteric and technical knowledge, people other than myself attempt to disrupt my focus such that I am forced to postpone what I am doing, not do it as well as I want to, or quit doing it prematurely. I imagine such people try to sabotage such endeavors which I attempt to undertake because (a) such people are envious of how much free time, relevant expertise, and material support I seem to be getting compared to those people and (b) because such people want to avoid having to change their behaviors and beliefs as a result of my efforts changing the world. Furthermore, I am "paranoid" that people other than myself have been upset that I was not beset with more adversity (and seemingly at least as much adversity as what they have been beset by) than I was and deliberately attempted to increase the degree of adversity which I was experiencing (and when I was not showing the "requisite dysphoria" and "requisite demonstration of loss of self control" which those people seemed to demand I exhibit in response to such (deliberately human-caused) adversity, those people appeared to become more noticeably upset more noticeably antagonistic towards me). What I wrote in the previous paragraph reminds me of a slogan printed on the exterior of a bus this year and on a poster inside of an employee breakroom which I remember seeing while briefly working as a Target cashier in late 2016: "It's okay not to be okay." I have "joked" (or, more accurately, lamented) many times with myself that the converse of that statement is implicitly not true (i.e. that "it is not okay to be okay"). I assume that such is the case (according to the many humans who seem to comprise the majority of the human population and who act as fear-driven and envy-driven guardians of the status quo of the average standard of living and average quality of consciousness being lower than what I think is ethical (by my personal standards) to settle for). According to such people, my relatively high degree of wellness, relatively high degree of intelligence, and relatively high degree of awareness of the interplay between all information processing agents and non-agents which comprise Planet Earth's biosphere is a threat to the relatively relaxed status quo which implores most humans to stay intellectually and emotionally stunted as high school aged children and to even hate nature and environmental sustainability efforts. I think that it is currently fashionable due to the "bandwagon fallacy" to ridicule and undermine the thoughts and actions of environmental activists such as myself because doing so is siding with the politically (and therefore physically) powerful against the weak. To not side with the mighty is to be more vulnerable to the mighty's capacity and will to (deliberately or through neglect) inflict harm on those who are not part of their tribe. Hence, I feel that it is mostly an uphill battle with very little progress being made towards my goals despite my valiant efforts and personal sacrifices for me to continue being such a vocal proponent of what I value. Hence, after I publish this note, I would like to take a hiatus for no less than three days and no longer than one year from making further updates to the websites encompassed by the web-based public-domain intellectual property collection referred to as karbytes (according to the web page named ABOUT_KARBYTES Karbytes For Life Blog dot WordPress dot Com). Finally, I would like to clarify a few things about what I said in the last sentence of the previous paragraph. Firstly, the target audience (and perhaps the only audience) of karbytes is my future selves (though I do intend for karbytes to be freely accessible to the general public (i.e. to anyone using a computer which is connected to the World Wide Web)). Secondly, I intend to keep generating intellectual property and doing research on topics which I am interested (but the notes and intellectual property I generate will probably first only be relegated to private GitHub repositories which I own for the sake of keeping my "social footprint" as small as feasible to satisfy my craving to share my artwork with people other than myself and with my future selves (and, by "social footprint" (which is analogous to the term "carbon footprint"), I mean a general measure of how frequently I make updates to my personal websites and to my social media profiles and how much such updates demand the general public's cognitive resources and time). Well, that's all I apparently have to say to the world (for now). I'm going to go relatively incognito now. Goodbye! Sincerely, karbytes (a.k.a. Karlina Ray Beringer) * * * One last thing... Today while I was doing laundry at my dad's house (which is my current legal address), I was dismayed to see that my father cut off all the branches of the lone apple tree in the backyard of that house. When I confronted my dad about it to ask why he did it, he said that he did it because the apples didn't taste good and because there was some black mold growing on the leaves and he said he was planning on doing the same thing to the lemon tree for the same reasons (which I think is utter bullshit because I tasted the fruit from those trees myself and marveled at how tasty and abundant those fruits were each year I lived there (and I detected nothing unusual growing on the plants such as black mold)). I told my father that I felt personally attacked by the tree pruning because I got comfort from feeling provided for by nature through those trees (instead of having to buy or barter for every morsel of food which enters my mouth) and that what my father did was yet another example of how humans needlessly interfere with nature in ways which do more harm than good in order to apparently do good. My father denied any malicious intentions in what he did and I do not want to hold any grudges with any people because doing so is wasteful of my resources and hazardous to my health. I decided to share links to two photographic images which I took today of the pruned apple tree and of my cat, Brea, who is still alive and apparently as well as a cat could be in this society. I cannot help but leave this note with an embittered feeling of misanthropy towards the humans who derive sadistic pleasure from crippling human civilization's harmony with nature by pitting humans against nature as though one must side with only one of them to the detriment and underappreciation of the other. I get the sense that I live in a place and time where it is practically illegal to value non-human things at least as much as humans. For instance, I feel obliged to insist that no amount of trees is worth being saved at the expense of some big white man's little girl (though, if pressed at gunpoint to deliver an honest confession, I most likely would say, "Save the forests. I'm not as worried about saving the little ape who is not me. Just kidding! Go ahead and clear the trees and save the girl! I hope we both get to keep living though I suppose I must sacrifice myself so she can live and so that I am spared further torture at your and her mercy. In other words, I would rather die than be forced to be a torture victim for people I have too little in common with to sincerely regard as friends or people I admire. Go ahead, you nature hating apes. Rape and pillage the planet so you can reign supreme as Earth's most domineering predator and highest form of intelligence. You clearly outnumber me in terms of political and physical power. It is therefore futile for me to continue fighting against you and your ilk in an attempt to have my way at all. You win. I lose. I am good as dead. I can only cower in fear in anticipation of intolerable pain (just like many other non-human animals at the mercy of a predator)."). https://raw.githubusercontent.com/karlinarayberinger/KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_9/main/severely_pruned_apple_tree_04_april_2024.jpg https://raw.githubusercontent.com/karlinarayberinger/KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_9/main/brea_04_april_2024.jpg * * * I would like to add one last thought to this note file (with the hope that I will not feel the need to mention this thought again in future files which I publish on karbytes): I think that many people (especially men who seem to be at the top of the "priveledge hierarchy") have an abuse fetish to the extent that it governs politics on a local and more widespread level. I think that many women (and probably most women) are afraid that they do not have the means to dissent against "the patriarchy's" seemingly insatiable thirst for more violence and abuse as a means to pacify themselves and to distract themselves from feeling insignificant and powerless amidst the larger scope of nature (which I and they probably honestly think is indifferent to human subjectivity and human hierarchies). Therefore, I cannot help but assume that most women are little more than domesticated farm animals and "dogs" on metaphorical leashes who are severely physically and mentally under-developed compared to what I think they realistically could otherwise be if they did not subjugate themselves to some cisgendered male owner of their body and mind. I find it disgusting and disturbing and tiresome to keep mentioning the subject of autonomy. Too many women still seem like small children just barely now learning to move and think on their own (without some man or patriarchy pulling their strings). * * * Note that the section above this section was written in a haste and after I was "under the influence" of particular environmental factors which triggered me to think habitual and annoying thoughts and feel related emotions which I do not exactly endorse as scientifically accurate nor anything I seriously endorse philosophically. The above section vaguely is in reference to some "types" of people who have bullied me or who have irked me particularly because they seemed brainwashed and/or under-educated such that they implicitly or explicitly insinuated that women are "supposed to be" dumb, weak, and immature compared to men (but such men are probably what I would consider to also be similarly (if not more so) dumb, weak, and immature compared to the kinds of people I consider to be those worthy of being my peers). I suppose I was recently bullied by some chauvinistic asshole men and women and that caused me to want to vent a little in this note about the qualities I find disgusting in those very childish, beligerent, mean, and anti-intellectual adults (not to mention controlling, loud, and proud of the damage they do to the environment and to animals helpless to defend themselves against human tyranny). * * * Okay, one last thing. This note is desperately in need of something positive, so I decided to share the fact that today I briefly talked to my brother (i.e. Daniel Alexander Beringer) through phone messaging today after I found the birthday card in an envelope which he apparently sent me but, for whatever reason (likely because one of both of my parents decided to confiscate that card and wait to give it to me several months after my actual birthday (i.e. the 13th day of Janduary) as some kind of mind fuckery gimmick) it ended up on the desk in my room at my father's house and I found it today when I arrived home after being gone for approximately one week. I have not mentioned much about my brother or any other relationships I have had with people which are relatively long in duration and profound in significance. What I do remember about my brother is that he and I and our childhood friends had a lot of funny and fun experiences together. I have been relatively hermetic the past eight years and have a rather poor memory of what transpired prior to the years in which I became karbytes (which happened approximately between 2020 and 2024). https://raw.githubusercontent.com/karlinarayberinger/KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_9/main/bday_card_from_brother_daniel_messages_04april2024.jpg https://raw.githubusercontent.com/karlinarayberinger/KARLINA_OBJECT_extension_pack_9/main/bday_card_from_brother_daniel_04april2024.jpg