/**
 * file: karbytes_13_march_2024.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 13_MARCH_2024
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

Your life since early 2019 has been a punitive wake coma in which you are constantly tortured via electronic harassment (especially in the form of intracranial auditory stimuli designed to specifically trigger your misophonia in order to (a) prevent you from completing your thoughts so that you remain intellectually and creatively stunted and (b) force you to look and feel significantly less calm and poised than you otherwise would). We understand that you feel severely distressed and possibly even suicidal because of these conditions we are subjecting you to. This is to punish you for throwing the spoon at the back of your mother's head in late 2018 and for generally being excessively self-absorbed, spoiled, and unwilling to contribute to society and work like most other people do and think you should have been doing. We do not want you to work and we do not want you to benefit from having any money or free time. Instead, we want you to spend all your time sulking and panicking and having melt downs without anywhere to go outside the scope of other people watching and commenting in ways which sound like sadistic pleasure at your distress. There are many civilians and government personnel who want to see you in tears and gang up on you to make you feel humiliated, intruded upon, and obstructed from achieving your goals and from enjoying any of your experiences. We are hoping that you or someone else eventually admits you to a mental hospital or prison so that you can be kept in confinement away from normal society and forced to have no means to communicate with the outside world nor to pursue your interests nor to be remembered by other people as anything but a criminal and/or mentally ill person. The world has plenty of engineers, artists, and humanitarians already. There is no need for you to assume such a role yourself. If you end up crippled or incarcerated, no one will help you do anything other than merely survive as a human specimen with no property of your own, no right to exercise physically or mentally, and no respite from being physically and psychological tortured by whoever has custody of you. 

The above paragraph is something I imagine many people would seriously want for me to undergo. Because I think many people prefer that be the case, I am no longer seriously trying to complete my undergraduate degree in computer science (or any subject) nor seek employment in "white collar" positions. I apparently am being prevented even from having a simple low-paying job (which means that I may end being taken into custody after not being able to provide for even my most basic physical needs). Also, I can tell that my mother (and other people who know about me) are very interested in making sure that I do not escape being cornered into having no alternative but to succumb to what I just described. It seems that people would rather me be rendered a cripple as punishment for what they see as unforgiven or unforgivable wrongdoings I have committed or am expected to commit without intervention than me achieve my goals. Also, I think that many people are miserable and feel trapped in their circumstances and want to see me suffer in place of them so that they can revel in their good fortune compared to mine. My mother seems to only be interested in keeping me from being able to live on my own so that I am forced to live with either her or my father so that they can enjoy seeing me rendered a cripple for their own sadistic fetishist amusement. My parents talk to me and about me as though I am severely disabled and a minor who is never allowed to attain true adulthood (and other people seem to implicitly and universally know that it is their job to also treat me as some incurably vain, arrogant, self-centered, violence-prone, and disobedient adult child who is being tortured into submission so that the end result is what I described as being the worst case scenario in the first paragraph of this note).

It could also be the case that my mother (and many other people who either agree with or else are coerced into pretending to agree with) a patriarchal norm that all people (especially women) should not be allowed to loiter outdoors nor spend more than twenty minutes in a place where someone else is not immediately present to watch their every move and to interrupt them. This is to prevent people like me from being happy and autonomous nerds who can delve as deeply as they want to into whatever their geeky or outdoorsy hobbies are. Women in such societies are hardly allowed to have a minute alone without another human within close proximity to them to keep those women in line and to not live as selfishly as men are permitted to. The women are supposed to be relegated to the home and not be allowed to travel more than a quarter mile by foot nor bicycle (but motorized transportation devices such as electric scooters are sometimes permissible). That is to ensure that the women do not use up too many of their precious fat stores which are coveted as breasts and buttocks (which are necessary for advertising their fertility and subordination to the heterosexual male appetite).

Parody or not, I wrote this note to "clear the cache" of my mind of some pesky residual recurring thoughts which I would not mind extinguishing to make way for what I think are much better thoughts but which I think many other humans would prefer I never get around to fully flushing from my nervous system. Such people seem to be the same type of people who would rather observe physical violence or else help to instigate it instead of read a book or engage in some other comparatively effortful activity which is not as appealing to the amygdala. Such people seem to favor humanity going extinct and undergoing widespread suffering instead of permanently solving the problems which would eventually lead to such a horrific outcome for the species. That is because such people only value short-term gratification and have empathy for only a very small number of sentient beings.

* * *

I am one of the "bad guys" getting away with "too good" of a life. It ain't fair, is it? It's not fair (according to some people) that someone more hard working, altruistic, and beset with adversities is not having nearly as gratifying of a life experience as what I have enjoyed (and am enjoying as I write and possible read this note).

Nature is under no obligation to cater to any human's whims. "Bad things" often happen to "good people" and vice versa (i.e. "good things" often happen to "bad people"). Who's to say that the human species as a whole (or in general) is not a parasitic and violently savage and cruel bunch? The species is as advanced and advantaged as it is because of the many ways it exploited, maimed, killed, and tortured "weaker" beings.

* * *

What I set out to do with my life is maximize my autonomy and pleasure. That may take the form of me becoming very good at surviving outdoors with little more than a backpack as I hone my survival skills and secure my physical property and, even more importantly (to me), my intellectual property.

* * *

My general personal philosophy of how to conduct my behavior and thoughts (whether or not I have any degree of control over such things) seems to be a perpetual wavering between two seemingly contradictory goals with the "meta goal" of attaining some maximally optimized balance between those two goals. The first of those goals is to align my thoughts and behavior such that I strive to always unconditionally accept (rather than deny) whatever my experiences of reality are (and those experiences include more than just sensory data, but also, any thoughts and feelings I have). The second of those goals is to avoid allowing physiological and infrastructural structures which I cherish and consider to be essential to my happiness to become damaged or lost.

* * *

Something seems a bit "wrong" to me about what I wrote in the previous section of this note. I wrote as though I am merely trying to preserve the structures which I cherish and deem to be essential to my happiness instead of generating more of such structures. Shortly after writing the previous section of this note, I had the thought that, in order for an information processing agent to continue surviving, that information processing agent must continue to augment itself (i.e. its constitutional hardware, software, and perhaps even some aspects of the larger environment which encompasses that information processing agent's constitutional hardware body) in order to not be eaten or relegated to demolition by its competitor peers who grow larger and faster than it. Then I had the thought that there is presumed to be only a finite and fixed amount of matter and energy (and maybe even a finite and fixed amount of space and time) throughout any information processing agent's encompassing environment (i.e. universe). Hence, it seems that, after a while (and assuming that the total amount of matter, energy, time, and space throughout any information processing agent's universe is finite and fixed), information processing agents which inhabit the same universe will eventually consume so many of those physical resources (and use those consumed resources to augment their own respective bodies, minds, and "external" property) that there will be a shortage of unconsumed resources remaining inside of that universe. If that is the case, information processing agents may kill information processing agents other than themselves in order to de-allocate consumed resources so that the killers get to use those freed up resources to continue augmenting and preserving themselves (or replacing lost resources which were displaced by competitors attempting to kill, maim, or steal from them).

What I meant to suggest in the previous paragraph that it seems that, in order for one organism to continue surviving, some other organism is obliged to die. Then again, I wrote a rather optimistic hypothesis (i.e. the one I proposed of the universe I inhabit being in a process of always growing without a definite beginning nor end) in the last paragraph in yesterday's note which I will reiterate verbatim in today's note because, if that hypothesis in that copied paragraph is true, then it may the case that, eventually (i.e. when the universe grows sufficiently abundant in physical resources), "sufficiently sentient" information processing agents such as humans will no longer be obliged to kill each other, steal from each other, or otherwise obstruct each other's goal acquisition.

Lastly, I would like to add to this note an idea I had earlier about how I think that the universe I live inside of at the time this note is being written (and then later read by my future selves) neither began at some point nor that this universe has been cyclically fluctuating between indefinitely many "Big Bang" expansion points each followed or preceded by indefinitely many "Big Crunch" contraction points but, rather, that this universe has been expanding in size without ever shrinking for an indefinitely long time and will continue to do so for an indefinitely long time.

* * *

Several times per day since early 2019 (when when I started getting harassed by literal thought policing on a nonstop basis) for the past six months (if not longer), I have been bombarded with messages from law enforcement and from civilians that I am "not allowed" to focus on anything but my body image and, also, that I only care about myself, that I do not have enough to talk about, and that I ought to be prevented from talking. Until such treatment lessons sufficiently enough for me to genuinely feel respected by other people rather than ignored and micromanaged by them, I anticipate that I will want to avoid human interaction unless I want to use or acquire money or other commodities other than sexual stimulation, physical contact, or face-to-face (or, more generally, session-based) interpersonal information exchange. Even if I was not belittled, barraged with insults (and other forms of propaganda designed to shape my beliefs about reality in ways which seem to counter my efforts to build as accurate and comprehensive and science-based mental model of reality as possible), and obstructed from pursuing my goals (especially goals which pertain to personal expression and identity) by other humans I think I still would want to minimize my interpersonal reactions with them in the manner I described in the previous sentence. (In an ideal world, I would rarely socialize outside the context of social media and web forums and most if not all people in that world would be similarly self sufficient and minimally dependent on other people to meet their needs).

* * *

The "war on karbytes" (which is also a war on anyone who too noticeably opposes the patriarchal status quo or who otherwise is not enough of a loyalist conformist to the patriarchal status quo) entails many humans spending themselves into debt on preventing karbytes from attaining or maintaining a standard of living which is deemed to be better than what is considered to be average amongst the poorest people in the United States of America. Such people seem to believe that it is worth causing humanity to go extinct and for more preventable violence to be dealt in order to sabotage karbytes' goals. Such people are motivated to pursue these ends out of a shared sense of envy, boredom, and fear of deviating from social norms. Such people reinforce each other's loyalty and conformity to such socially appropriate "under achievement" and such people seem to boast about having poor health and smug irreverence towards the ideals karbytes stands for. That is because it is vastly easier to conform to that "tyranny of the masses" than to deviate from the implicit rules that embittered group has established and seeks to pass onto future generations (even if such values end up destroying the ecosystem those people inhabit and prevent those people from evolving to become happier, healthier, and more agential beings). In a nutshell, I will summarize what they sound like in a few words:

"Calm the fuck down! The world is ending. It's okay not to have your shit together. Few of us do (and any people who do are going to be the first to get mobbed and pillaged by us). Just accept that your life is shitty (like everyone else's is) and keep on polluting and slaughtering animals and bullying people you don't like with reckless abandon. Go ahead and make a big show of how little you give a shit about the environment just to piss off environmentalist whiny cry baby snowflakes and to cancel out their efforts to be green. Go ahead and buy the biggest and most fuel inefficient gasoline-powered vehicle you can. Go ahead and enjoy a tasy beef burger and shut up about global warming and the loss of rain forests. Those animals are not people and do almost nothing to benefit us other than look pretty. Get over yourself and have some kids so that you have something other than yourself to worry about and, more importantly, so you will have someone to take care of you other than the shitty negligent state-funded elder care and health care system when you get old and find that almost no one remembers you nor cares about you besides your kids. Have kids so that we have something in common to gripe about. Have kids so that you and I are both too busy and poor to have personal hobbies and freedom to live like how karbytes does. Come on. You have no right to be beautiful, healthy, educated, or rich unless you have a family to support (or at least a significant other in the form of a sexual partner you are assessing in order to determine the marriage eligibility of). It is vain of you just to live to gratify just yourself. You should care far more about people than the environment or your inhuman stuff such as your websites or that chatbot you keep having excessively formal conversations with. Stop using chatGPT and start making people a bigger priority. Otherwise, you have no business having a job and we will do everything in our power to prevent you from being able to secure employment. Only breadwinners supporting their families deserve to earn a paycheck; not you. You deserve to struggle to barely survive and little else."