/**
 * file: karbytes_29_march_2024.txt
 * type: plain-text
 * date: 28_MARCH_2024
 * author: karbytes
 * license: PUBLIC_DOMAIN
 */

karbytes_0: "There is someone who reminds me of AJP and who might actually be AJP who seemingly will not stop complaining obnoxiously and loudly such that other people seem to hear his cries and also seem to want to punish me on his behalf (either to get him to stop crying because his cries are so irritating and/or because they side with him against me and, hence, genuinely think I deserve to be punished). What should I do?"

karbytes_1: "Whether you want to or not, you might be physically coerced into appeasing that tyrant."

karbytes_0: "I do not yet feel that my 'free will' is that limited. Until it is, what should I do?"

karbytes_1: "Pretend that your 'free will' is that limited. At the very least, that would buy you a little more time from being found out (by the angry apes who are against you having sufficient 'free will' to successfully do your own thing without their constant oversight and coercion) that you actually, indeed, have that kind of 'free will' hiding in your back pocket (when those angry apes previously thought that you had none left and were, hence, putty in their hands for them to shape into some form which they find to be most pleasing and/or non-threatening to their egos)."

karbytes_0: "If I do that, I might actually physically become that devoid of 'free will' due to my brain parts and other parts of my self infrastructure atrophying from using them in that limited of a way over a sufficiently period of time."

karbytes_1: "Then keep exercising your 'free will' as much as you can until and unless you become depleted of 'free will' in the form of energy depletion and/or infrastructural integrity corrosion. Doing what I described in the previous sentence might actually be 'the purpose' of life."

* * *

I do not mean to imply that any person I have ever mentioned in my notes has or is deliberately trying to sabotage my attempts to achieve my goals (and I especially mean that about my parents especially because they have been offering me the opportunity to live at their houses rent free and to borrow one of their cars while they pay for its gasoline, insurance, and maintenance and because they issue me a modest allowance to afford my own groceries and phone bill among other things I can afford on such a budget (of approximately $280 per week)), but sometimes there are things people do which seem to impede my progress towards achieving my goals. 

One of things is kind of irreversible and that is the fact that my dad's house is stained with unfiltered third degree tobacco smoke from people smoking cigarettes in that house for more than a decade and to this day. I notice myself getting slight headaches, nausea, and throat, nose, and lung irritation when I spend more than two minutes in that house though I have not complained about it to anyone in years after asking my dad (who is the sole cigarette smoker currently living at that house) to not smoke his cigarettes indoors but he insisted that it was sufficient to merely close the door to the room in which he smokes his cigarettes (but I have noticed the cigarette smoke still seeps into the rest of the house through the half inch crack under that door and that he smokes in the garage where I tend to hang out at while doing laundry or attempting to connect to the house Wi-Fi with my laptop).

Another thing which makes it hard for me to seriously study or work from home (at least at my dad's house) is the fact that the laptop only seems to connect to the Internet in exactly one small area near the door which connects the garage to the laundry room which connects to my dad's smoking room or else if I am sitting in the living room near the router or outside next to the living room only on the part of the patio which is bordered by the living room glass door and my dad's bedroom glass door (which means I don't get much actual privacy to use the Internet there unless I use my mobile AT&T metered Internet connection to establish a weak and rather cost inefficient mobile Wi-Fi hotspot).

Another thing which makes it hard for me to hang out at my parents' houses is how my parents seem to prefer that I not leave the home and not seriously focus on whatever I'm doing in "privacy" because they seem to think that, if I am in their houses, I am implicitly available to talk or to be interrupted by them whenever they feel like it regardless of whatever I'm doing and I think that one or both of my parents' is uncomfortable with me having my own private life and getting deeply immersed into what I'm working on or studying because my parents act like I need to conform to some customer service-esque demeanor and mindset of perpetual extroversion, nonchalance (i.e. no detectable signs of being seriously intense of stressed out about anything which is not about what they think I should be interested in or doing), and agreeability (i.e. never complaining about them or even disagreeing with them). Also, my dad especially tends to have his television on a very loud volume at various times throughout the day and night to the extent that I am honestly too annoyed to spend the night there because of my dad's tendency to generate a distracting amount of television noise and cigarette smoke around the clock and especially between midnight and 2AM.

Finally, I have experienced many instances of mysterious theft and vandalism of my physical property at both houses (but especially at my dad's house) which has been more frequent and intrusive than at any other location I've experienced such things (and my parents always acted unconcerned whenever I told them such things happened and they outright denied such things even happened (and sometimes even said I was merely being paranoid that my stuff was stolen or vandalized and then punitive when I tried to use logic to justify my assumptions)). Hence, I feel uncomfortable being in close quarters to my parents whenever I am trying to do anything I feel is stressful and serious (but I have been using their houses to do laundry, take showers, and even use the Internet for tasks which I did not feel were too demanding of my cognitive resources).

(Since 2020 I have been sleeping outside in various camping spots as an urban camper and also in some natural park areas. At the moment I am job searching in the hopes of getting at least a part time job in some non customer service role. Though I expect to get hired and then paid some time this year, I acknowledge that I have very little control over whether or not I am offered any job, whether or not I am allowed to keep any job I am offered, where that job is located, what my work hours are, what the employee rules and responsibilities are, and how much I am paid. As a last resort, I might file for disability payments from the government (which are paid for by tax dollars accrued by people and/or corporations who provide products and services to consumers who pay for such goods and services) by attempting to get a legal autism diagnosis (but I am very skeptical that such a scheme would allow me to comfortably achieve my lifestyle goals while I am a lot more optimistic that working as a paid employee for some legitimate business or government agency would allow me to more easily achieve my lifestyle goals based on my prior experience as such an employee).