As you can see, I am learning how to create websites!
So, for my first website, I am going to create an article for my Super Top Secret Absolutely Bonkers And So Good You'll Be Foaming At The Mouth Avacado (a.k.a. modified guacamole) recipe.
But, instead of jumping right into the recipe, I'm going to blabber about my entire life's story first so you have to scroll for days in order to find said recipe. I know you'll love me for it.
So, ahem - it all started back in 1991 when my uncle was involved in the Great Avacado Scandal. After years of trying to come up with the perfect Guacamole Recipe, he finally decided to steal one for himself! Ha! Silly geezer. Always had his head on sideways if you know what I mean. There was this one time that he took a peanut and soaked it in water for a few days. Crazy guy thought a single peanut would explode into a full jar of peanut butter after being soaked! Just like those little grow-a-dinosaur pilly-things you throw in the water and, after soaking for a bit, they expand into little dinosaurs! Psh. What a weird dude. Anyways, he thought that he would steal a recipe for himself, because he's one strange guy. I suppose I should mention he has gone to jail for cannibalism once before, so stealing a Guacamole Recipe is nothing to him. He's got that criminal blood flowing through his veins!
Uncle Jankles
As you can probably tell, my uncle landed in jail again for trying to steal the Guacamole recipe. He went through all that trouble of gathering the supplies (a bike, a chainsaw, some plastic sheeting, some meat knives, plastic garbage bags, rope, duct tape, some trail mix)... all for nothing! Silly geezer grabbed the Guacamole recipe and fifty pounds of Guacamole, only to be distracted by his canabalistic urges once again. Ha! Silly Uncle Jankles.
Well, that didn't sit too well with Momma. My momma, she's a strong woman. Brave. Powerful. Great cook. Knows where her head's at, (and mine, too, when she got the belt ready for that daily discipline! Hue hue). She decided she didn't need "Jazzy Jankle's" silly stolen recipe to build up her Guacamole business. She pulled herself up by the bootstraps and crafted the absolute most decadent, mouthwatering, Super Top Secret Absolutely Bonkers And So Good You'll Be Foaming At The Mouth Guacamole recipe.
So today, I am going to NOT show you that recipe.
Momma is, quite frankly, full of herself. As is Uncle Jankles. They were so determined to outmatch eachother, themselves, the world... with THE BEST Guacamole recipe that anyone has ever seen... that they forgot about their humble beginnings... the most important ingredient... the AVACADO.
And so, after years of family trauma, discussions, research, experimentation, blood sweat and tears pouring over guacamole recipes and, of course, after a long road of self discovery, I bring to you...
The Super Top Secret Absolutely Bonkers And So Good You'll Be Foaming At The Mouth Avacado recipe:
Avacados
Salt
Combine ingredients, and enjoy simplicity at its finest. No need to thank me for this revelation... for this... incredible re-imagining of Guacamole. You are blessed for simply having read this recipe. And to think, this is my first website! I am just... a prodigy.
