timestamp,id,text,favorite_count,retweet_count,hashtags
Tue Mar 02 23:49:16 +0000 2021,1366898429981458432,just a heads up. i will be running around the house. as fast as possible. for the next 15 seconds. i will have no regard for furniture. or any individuals in my way. when i am done. do not ask me why i have done this. because i do not know,50469,4591,
Fri Feb 26 19:08:45 +0000 2021,1365378284754640898,i am just going to be honest. i deserve 1 million kisses. every day,139000,13099,
Thu Feb 25 17:01:16 +0000 2021,1364983815190417414,"here is what. i plan to accomplish today:

2. bark loudly. but at nothing
7. lose my ball under the couch
7b. politely ask the human. to get my ball
3. immediately lose it again. under the same couch
4. big nap. you have worked hard
2. repeat",108490,9757,
Fri Feb 19 20:02:55 +0000 2021,1362855201997168640,@NASAPersevere you are doing a good job up there. thank you,11406,464,
Sun Feb 14 17:32:39 +0000 2021,1361005447445053445,the human waited until TODAY. to ask me to be their valentine. it is a little insulting. they assumed i would not have plans already. i don’t. but still,146049,9890,
Sun Feb 07 18:04:20 +0000 2021,1358476705258737665,once again. i have gone undrafted in the puppy bowl. i feel as though both teams. have missed an opportunity in me. but i still wish them the best. in their game today. i will be watching from the couch,93778,5469,
Thu Jan 28 17:43:49 +0000 2021,1354847663942864899,you are tough. you are scary. you are a good boy. but also a scary one. if the situation calls for it https://t.co/KWXCX5uEbn,308993,53227,
Tue Jan 26 02:09:55 +0000 2021,1353887862580645888,sometimes. when i am bored. i will stare at nothing. and try to convince the human. that there is a ghost,117740,9705,
Wed Jan 13 02:05:14 +0000 2021,1349175642751787009,it appears you have loaded the dishwasher without me. do you not need my services anymore. did you lick the plates yourself. this is a disaster,137903,10121,
Mon Jan 11 15:14:16 +0000 2021,1348649434662330369,i can tell. when the human’s heart rate goes up. it really stresses me out. so if we could all try to have a nice. boring week. that would be best. for both of us,119739,10753,
Wed Jan 06 00:30:14 +0000 2021,1346615021799763968,@Skittles why. must you haunt me,4530,64,
Tue Jan 05 18:23:25 +0000 2021,1346522708276772864,the human has to work again this week. but that’s okay. i can keep myself busy. there is a skittle under the fridge. that needs constant surveillance,105100,5938,
Fri Jan 01 01:37:02 +0000 2021,1344819890390138881,i heard there is a ball dropping later. does anybody have the details? i am interested in that,165719,11741,
Thu Dec 31 17:51:19 +0000 2020,1344702690148798464,according to my data. cuddles were up by 147% this year. hugs up 93%. and long hugs up by nearly 700%. while these stats with the human. may be hard to maintain. i think we should try,112824,10027,
Wed Dec 30 18:00:46 +0000 2020,1344342682097876995,RT @dog_rates: The Dogs of 2020 https://t.co/xVQdlkgW1T,0,80795,
Thu Dec 24 17:41:29 +0000 2020,1342163501318434816,this year. i got to pick the accessories for our house tree. and i think. i did a wonderful job https://t.co/9HpQTrHIXI,69225,6165,
Tue Dec 22 17:00:37 +0000 2020,1341428439262236672,it feels pointless. to bring it up again. but if i am not allowed to bring my sticks inside. why is the human allowed a whole tree. do they not understand. that is where my sticks come from,149317,14750,
Mon Dec 21 17:01:08 +0000 2020,1341066181424254977,@dog_rates @bestfriends @Trupanion here you go https://t.co/pJtfgR3N5a,10562,251,
Thu Dec 17 01:40:04 +0000 2020,1339384835953946624,we are approaching the time of year. when humans look back. and think about. what they could have done better. not me though. i was perfect,140610,10798,
Fri Dec 11 01:53:15 +0000 2020,1337213826786181122,if you don’t want me to fall asleep. during the movie. what are we so cozy for,108553,7711,
Mon Dec 07 21:12:24 +0000 2020,1336055987610943488,sometimes. my tongue pokes out when i sleep. i am aware of this. because the human takes a picture every time. and shows it to me. as soon as i wake up,109571,5636,
Tue Dec 01 02:23:01 +0000 2020,1333597439660486659,is now. an okay time. to tell you that i love you,111520,8305,
Mon Nov 30 19:36:05 +0000 2020,1333495032616161280,they are innocent https://t.co/ty6DtkD9Vv,58018,2716,
Fri Nov 27 18:30:02 +0000 2020,1332391245159645185,"i am so glad. you like my stuffed fren sebastian. he is still available. for anyone who needs him

https://t.co/6UEgyvAXWf https://t.co/LBhIb4W3l2",39894,1451,
Tue Nov 24 19:48:08 +0000 2020,1331323737514205184,the human just learned. they will be working from home. for the foreseeable future. this is simply a formality. i was never letting them go back anyway,127582,7824,
Thu Nov 19 16:06:00 +0000 2020,1329455896183918592,you cannot rush me. on my walks. if i don’t sniff enough things. i could fall behind. on the neighborhood dog leaderboard,147485,9822,
Wed Nov 18 19:05:04 +0000 2020,1329138571253489664,@staci1971 he is for. anybody who needs him,3088,13,
Wed Nov 18 19:02:24 +0000 2020,1329137902199005184,@2legit2dunk https://t.co/4lx6Z4wqAp,1963,12,
Wed Nov 18 19:00:40 +0000 2020,1329137465077055488,"i am sure. you all know my stuffed fren sebastian. well starting today. you and your pup can have him. he is here for anybody who needs him. and i hope you love him. as much as i do

https://t.co/6UEgyvAXWf https://t.co/MGjim29DLL",49424,2098,
Tue Nov 17 00:18:49 +0000 2020,1328492756319158272,i do not “shed.” i sprinkle my glitter,130929,9410,
Sat Nov 14 22:08:17 +0000 2020,1327735130035634176,i am sorry. for not having many thoughts lately. sometimes no thought. is a beautiful thing,126562,9477,
Sat Nov 07 16:39:57 +0000 2020,1325115784457281540,my tail is blurry. and my feets. are a tippy tappin,193532,21422,
Sat Oct 31 23:12:32 +0000 2020,1322677869403729920,i was hoping to sit on the porch. with my bucket of candy. and let all the tiny monsters come pet me. but it’s just the human and i tonight. cuddling in our costumes. and looking forward to next year,108015,6068,
Sat Oct 31 15:36:22 +0000 2020,1322563070745440256,it is the spooky day,80292,9852,
Wed Oct 28 14:41:21 +0000 2020,1321462059981180930,i feel chaotic today. so i am off to look for trouble. if i cannot find it. i will create it,111475,13896,
Tue Oct 27 16:10:04 +0000 2020,1321121998727118850,"MY BOOK. IS OUT NOW
https://t.co/6UEgyvAXWf https://t.co/jOnPrRTVOM",25553,1464,
Mon Oct 26 16:00:32 +0000 2020,1320757213263056897,there is a pumpkin. on the neighbor’s porch. that did not have a face yesterday. but today they have a face. that is spooky. and i will be avoiding it,122117,8867,
Thu Oct 22 21:48:34 +0000 2020,1319395244161388545,the day is nearly done. and i have not received. anywhere near. the level of attention i deserve,115519,12919,
Tue Oct 20 16:03:50 +0000 2020,1318583714314547200,the human is in a rush to leave. and needs me to use the bathroom. as quick as i can. but i have not trained for this. and historically. i do not perform well under pressure,117274,7679,
Thu Oct 15 16:43:07 +0000 2020,1316781664043855872,everybody used to smile at me. when i passed them on my walks. but now i can’t tell if they are or not. i hope they still are,171607,11935,
Wed Oct 07 01:09:38 +0000 2020,1313647640039448576,i know. there’s a lot going on right now. so i just wanted to say. i love you,173467,22561,
Wed Sep 30 16:10:25 +0000 2020,1311337616432717824,"I WROTE A BOOK. it is about all my favorite adventures. most of which you haven’t heard yet. and i cannot wait. for you to read it

preorder today: https://t.co/6UEgyvAXWf https://t.co/lE28QKWXlB",41757,3061,
Tue Sep 29 00:57:18 +0000 2020,1310745431815589888,apparently. my stuffed fren sebastian smells bad. so he will be spending the night in the spinny bath. which means the human and i. will be spending the night. next to the spinny bath. so nobody is alone,140805,8550,
Fri Sep 25 16:50:18 +0000 2020,1309535713843507200,ok so. it tasted pretty spooky https://t.co/UL0jYnmD73,72336,5660,
Fri Sep 25 16:45:23 +0000 2020,1309534476897198080,the first crunchy leaf of the season. just fell in the yard. i will go taste it. to determine how spooky. things are about to get,118191,11156,
Mon Sep 21 19:16:38 +0000 2020,1308122986189172736,it is never too late. to go back to bed,127866,18262,
Tue Sep 15 19:32:19 +0000 2020,1305952607328894976,i worked. so. hard. to get the squeaker out of that toy. and you just. threw it away,203997,17775,
Thu Sep 10 16:15:24 +0000 2020,1304091113267978241,the human wiped away my eye booger. only to pet it back onto me. i have never experienced such betrayal,170300,12695,
Mon Sep 07 16:57:40 +0000 2020,1303014585675382791,"i made a list. of reasons you should hang out with me today

4. i am fun
c. i am soft
2. i will listen. to your silly human problems
8. you can pick the snacks
a. i love you",183766,22190,
Mon Aug 31 18:00:06 +0000 2020,1300493582822903808,the human says there are two options. inside or outside. but if they would simply. elevate their mindset. they would uncover a third option: stand in the doorway. and sniff the air,154939,14609,
Wed Aug 26 15:44:47 +0000 2020,1298647588938293248,personally. i think every day. should be dog day,161333,20315,
Wed Aug 26 15:42:26 +0000 2020,1298646999160385536,@dog_rates https://t.co/Nmeh1aoiwd,24581,676,
Thu Aug 20 16:15:02 +0000 2020,1296480874255572992,the human had another video call today. but this time. they put me in front of the screen. gave me their headset. and walked away. it may have been a joke to them. but this is exactly the promotion. i have been waiting for,185854,17917,
Fri Aug 14 20:37:26 +0000 2020,1294372581013741568,i actually look forward to seeing the mailman. because a long time ago. they brought me my stuffed fren sebastian. and i could never thank them enough for doing that,139505,9897,
Wed Aug 12 16:24:36 +0000 2020,1293584177808289794,@Sue_Pook @AndrewsMcMeel ❤️,105,1,
Wed Aug 12 16:03:20 +0000 2020,1293578827004690434,"i made you a calendar for next year. it has one new thought every day. because that is all i’m capable of at the moment. you can preorder it below

https://t.co/FSlntLgsi5 https://t.co/2FOMlH9YSe",28220,1796,
Tue Aug 11 14:55:49 +0000 2020,1293199446524624898,stairs are ridiculous. you cannot just change the ground. who do you think you are,143577,13487,
Thu Aug 06 18:42:29 +0000 2020,1291444551215804417,"i made a list. of all the things i do. when you’re not home

1. wait for you to get back",175433,15199,
Tue Aug 04 12:45:52 +0000 2020,1290630027785117696,gooooob morning. i can already tell. i am going to need a lot of attention today,140202,16290,
Wed Jul 29 21:44:09 +0000 2020,1288591167395737600,the era of doing tricks for treats. is over. starting today. i would like treats. simply for existing,155244,12876,
Mon Jul 27 15:14:20 +0000 2020,1287768291558137858,i sneezed so they could escape. and now the human is here. helping them back outside. that did not go at all how i planned. if the ladybug is reading this. i am so sorry,77348,2542,
Mon Jul 27 15:12:20 +0000 2020,1287767785926352897,I SNIFFED TOO HARD. THE LADYBUG WENT UP MY NOSE,70269,2714,
Mon Jul 27 15:11:00 +0000 2020,1287767452122660869,a ladybug has entered the household. and i. am on my way to introduce myself,139570,9013,
Wed Jul 22 01:22:22 +0000 2020,1285746980681998336,in case you forgot. i love you,189763,25189,
Mon Jul 20 17:04:46 +0000 2020,1285259367755857922,the rarest sit. is the multi-level stair sit. during which my butt is on one stair. while my front feet extend to the stair below. it is a powerful combination. of comfort and style,123788,7384,
Tue Jul 14 16:38:07 +0000 2020,1283078333433999360,there is so much going on right now. based on the human’s tiny screen scrolling. so i am on my way with cuddles. and guess what. i’m bringing my stuffed fren sebastian with me,130134,9661,
Tue Jul 07 21:33:21 +0000 2020,1280615916233846784,i just started my shift. watching the skittle under the fridge. it is a thankless job. but if nobody does it. and the skittle moves. we are in big trouble,151460,10579,
Sun Jul 05 23:38:59 +0000 2020,1279922757426245633,i did not get much sleep last night. because of your sky booms. to make up for this. i will be extending all snoozles. by 15 percent. for the rest of the year,185004,14027,
Fri Jul 03 18:21:39 +0000 2020,1279118120255254529,@dog_rates do not lie. i know scooby doo when i see him,21279,495,
Mon Jun 29 18:11:10 +0000 2020,1277665929380298752,the human has made quite the sandwich for lunch. but when i placed my chin on their knee. and looked up at them softly. they only offered me. a piece of lettuce. nobody talk to me. for the rest of the day,176657,15741,
Wed Jun 24 16:26:18 +0000 2020,1275827601370525697,"i don’t know what the future holds. but i will be there with you. my 2021 planner is available now

https://t.co/WPXVkQhgm6 https://t.co/xsnc6ICQ0e",32024,1299,
Wed Jun 24 16:24:25 +0000 2020,1275827126499831808,i have an announcement,32661,793,
Tue Jun 23 01:13:29 +0000 2020,1275235493391679488,personally. i don’t think you should set off fireworks. for any reason ever,226405,28575,
Fri Jun 19 12:39:19 +0000 2020,1273958539350794242,gooooob morning. if you think i won’t lie down. where the sun shines through the window. with these paws crossed. all day long. you are out of your mind,123845,9026,
Thu Jun 18 00:30:26 +0000 2020,1273412720277123072,there is an easy way to tell. if i would like a hug. and it’s that no matter what. i probably do,117095,14347,
Wed Jun 10 00:00:03 +0000 2020,1270505972406956033,it is the human’s first time trying to change the world. and they are exhausted. so while they rest for a little bit. i have stolen their sign. and will trot proudly around the house with it. until they are ready. to fight again,216869,27351,
Fri Jun 05 17:05:15 +0000 2020,1268952035308658688,"RT @dog_rates: h*ck it, thread of black-owned dog businesses that deserve a fat slice of that $100 billion we’re estimated to spend on our…",0,20780,
Mon May 25 19:33:32 +0000 2020,1265003083492470786,today was supposed to be one of those days. where the human invites a bunch of frens over. someone would eventually drop a plate of food. and it would be my time to shine. but because that can’t happen. the human has been dropping little snacks for me on purpose. all afternoon,151955,10078,
Mon May 18 16:02:15 +0000 2020,1262413196712910849,@dog_rates @shopivoryella it appears my stuffed fren sebastian. has had a growth spurt,13961,288,
Sun May 17 22:48:06 +0000 2020,1262152943761010696,surround yourself. with those who would flip your ear back for you. if it ever went inside out,228150,36695,
Fri May 15 18:51:28 +0000 2020,1261368619230990346,@miss_melisxjg @dog_rates ❤️,1457,7,
Tue May 12 00:48:00 +0000 2020,1260008790520262659,i love you. and there’s nothing you can do about it,136876,17323,
Fri May 08 02:12:05 +0000 2020,1258580402731659266,recently. my only responsibility. has been convincing the human to get out of bed in the morning. so tomorrow we’re making pancakes. because who can say no to pancakes,125615,9582,
Mon May 04 17:58:35 +0000 2020,1257369045122285568,if you start leaving the house again. who will be around to say. ohhh big stretch. every time i do a stretch,235396,29916,
Wed Apr 29 15:33:40 +0000 2020,1255520633179590656,"i have finally narrowed it down. to a few possible reasons. the human is home all the time now

4. can’t stand being away from me
c. loves me so much
1. my presence is a gift",198528,26932,
Sun Apr 26 16:41:01 +0000 2020,1254450419767619586,the human has no idea what the future holds. which is fine. i never know what’s going to happen next. i only know about right now. and right now i’m climbing into your lap. to let you play with my ears,141612,15929,
Tue Apr 21 19:26:25 +0000 2020,1252680106272792578,the human is attempting exercise at home. and to help them with this. i will climb on top of them. making any movement almost impossible,133962,11581,
Mon Apr 20 16:55:36 +0000 2020,1252279763319881728,@SWatercolour ❤️❤️❤️,1858,18,
Fri Apr 17 01:08:33 +0000 2020,1250954266321334272,"hi there. this will only take a moment. i just wanted to let you know.

i love you",156914,17431,
Mon Apr 13 19:31:07 +0000 2020,1249782185911083008,my stuffed fren sebastian and i. have a meeting in a little bit. to discuss how to tell the human. that we have enough bread. there is no need to bake more,134027,10235,
Tue Apr 07 00:37:40 +0000 2020,1247322617545097216,some cuddles. would go a long way right now,171810,27336,
Thu Apr 02 00:00:35 +0000 2020,1245501343126695939,"today. i wasn’t a very good dog

april fools. i was so good",398085,44380,
Wed Apr 01 17:07:24 +0000 2020,1245397364711526400,@dog_rates you scared me,22549,386,
Mon Mar 30 16:43:56 +0000 2020,1244666680862740484,there are no rules these days. i didn’t even put my collar on today. just walked around the house naked,289977,34381,
Tue Mar 24 15:22:26 +0000 2020,1242471845204459522,i decided that today. is bring your human to work day. we stared out the window for hours. and they helped me spot the cars. it was magical,203152,22825,
Mon Mar 23 16:34:14 +0000 2020,1242127527910522881,@dog_rates hi https://t.co/USKWGc67al,38209,1199,
Sat Mar 21 17:45:53 +0000 2020,1241420782204567558,@AmyMcGrathKY ❤️,2022,23,
Fri Mar 20 13:19:46 +0000 2020,1240991422611890178,gooooob morning. i think today. i’ll lie on the porch. with my front paws crossed. and let the sun shine on my face through the trees. occasionally i will rollover. so it shines on my belly. nobody will stop me. because i deserve this,197438,18964,
Wed Mar 18 18:02:31 +0000 2020,1240337805542334464,@dog_rates @NewsStatehouse i would like sarge. to also take care of me,23509,629,
Mon Mar 16 17:29:01 +0000 2020,1239604596017774599,the small neighbor human. is home from school today. but instead of coming over. they’re putting notes against their window. i’m not the best reader. but it seems like they miss me. and we’ll be together again soon,136550,9965,
Sun Mar 15 01:32:55 +0000 2020,1239001599176933378,i just love you,147087,18678,
Tue Mar 10 18:52:27 +0000 2020,1237451266508218368,the human has been working from home the last couple days. and every so often. they let me participate in the video calls. all the other humans cheer when they see me. i am the only thing holding their company together,400639,63461,
Fri Mar 06 00:22:49 +0000 2020,1235722467273887744,@unbury not my problem,19247,349,
Fri Mar 06 00:17:34 +0000 2020,1235721144872734720,i know you put a pill. in my rolled up cheese slice. i’m not mad about it. i would simply appreciate. if you would be honest with me next time,158559,12917,
Tue Mar 03 13:20:00 +0000 2020,1234830887503704066,"gooooob morning. i made a list. of what i would like to accomplish today

7. a big nap
1. maybe get some rest after that
4. sneak in a snoozle
4b. perhaps multiple",144473,16511,
Sat Feb 29 19:06:54 +0000 2020,1233831025504993280,it is really cool. that this year. i was given a whole extra day to love you,184516,24723,
Tue Feb 25 20:02:14 +0000 2020,1232395397089255424,the small neighbor human. had show and tell today at school. and with my human’s permission. they brought me. i just sat beside them and smiled. as they told the whole class. why i’m their best friend,171679,12621,
Wed Feb 19 02:15:15 +0000 2020,1229952556811440128,hi. yes hello. i am ready to be loved now,147516,26528,
Mon Feb 17 23:30:02 +0000 2020,1229548591934402560,today. for the first time in a long time. i checked on the skittle under the fridge. i’m happy to report it’s still there. minding its business. doing the best it can. we should all strive for such an existence,137942,12413,
Fri Feb 14 16:00:18 +0000 2020,1228348248856727553,i’m not sure. if you have a valentine yet. but if you don’t. my application is below https://t.co/U7dqOO0puF,139680,18536,
Mon Feb 10 16:35:47 +0000 2020,1226907626916610053,it was very chilly during our walk today. when i tried to hop in a puddle. i slid across it instead. i am not a penguin. i would like a refund,147880,13698,
Wed Feb 05 13:00:00 +0000 2020,1225041384840880128,"gooooob morning. i’ve made a list. of the things i’d like to happen today

3. pancakes
9. nice walk. with limited running
5. nap in the sun
5. pancakes
2. a little snuggle",164235,17299,
Wed Feb 05 01:06:21 +0000 2020,1224861786966413314,@dog_rates @ohheyohhihello bless you pancake,15787,294,
Sun Feb 02 23:54:08 +0000 2020,1224118839182389248,i am not concerned with the sports. i am however. very concerned with the snacks associated,165717,19761,
Sun Feb 02 20:10:10 +0000 2020,1224062475559006208,the human said. the only reason i wasn’t drafted in the puppy bowl. is because my opponents. wouldn’t stand a chance,119051,9117,
Wed Jan 29 02:17:08 +0000 2020,1222342887024627712,i don’t care when the human goes to bed. i would just like a forehead kiss. before they do,151782,12043,
Thu Jan 23 17:46:34 +0000 2020,1220402456149909505,sometimes. you have to cross your paws. and let everyone know. you’re feeling fancy,167493,18706,
Wed Jan 22 00:58:37 +0000 2020,1219786411907280896,"i just learned. i’ve been nominated for an award. this is incredibly flattering. word must’ve gotten out that i caught my tail
https://t.co/1XSiblKOQO",64533,3571,
Mon Jan 20 13:08:00 +0000 2020,1219245189224706050,gooooob morning. i would already like a hug,159561,21868,
Tue Jan 14 01:21:56 +0000 2020,1216893173672230914,i have to take my stuffed fren sebastian. and my new stuffed fren koala. on our walks. or one of them will get jealous. i carry one. and i make the human carry the other. occasionally we swap frens,120187,7453,
Mon Jan 06 23:09:38 +0000 2020,1214323165125496832,the human came home today. with a new stuffed fren for me. they called it a koala. and as they knelt down to hand it over. they mentioned it could use. all the love i have right now,228969,25878,
Fri Jan 03 19:15:44 +0000 2020,1213177141090639872,@dog_rates the trick to losing weight. is just longer zoomies,23284,972,
Wed Jan 01 02:57:23 +0000 2020,1212206153830195201,the best thing i did. this entire decade. was love you,289881,45510,
Tue Dec 31 20:24:38 +0000 2019,1212107315291271170,RT @dog_rates: The Dogs of 2019 https://t.co/WzZ06yjNlH,0,56647,
Wed Dec 25 15:04:41 +0000 2019,1209852471188832256,gooooob morning. i’m being told. someone came down the chimney last night. this is preposterous. i would’ve lost my mind,207731,22389,
Wed Dec 25 00:42:38 +0000 2019,1209635528024449024,my stuffed fren sebastian and i. have decided to go caroling. we know this involves singing well. and spreading joy. we are confident we can do one of those things https://t.co/2VDPb0ykER,116341,14564,
Sat Dec 21 21:18:41 +0000 2019,1208497039853707266,the small neighbor human came over. with an early gift for me. it was a little locket for my collar. and inside was a pebble. they said they picked it up. the first time they went on a walk with me. i would do anything. for the small neighbor human,188331,13357,
Thu Dec 19 01:59:59 +0000 2019,1207480664603451392,i think. if you decide to hold me. you shouldn’t ever be allowed to stop,129255,14185,
Tue Dec 17 17:15:41 +0000 2019,1206986336051314688,@dog_rates @IvePetThatDog @RoyalCanin i have cleared. my very busy schedule,14775,246,
Sun Dec 15 01:54:48 +0000 2019,1206029810834845698,the human decided to go out tonight. they promised they’d be back soon. so i’m not worried at all. i realized they forgot their jacket. and it smells like they’re still here. so it will be my new bed. until they return,171489,12127,
Fri Dec 13 20:35:12 +0000 2019,1205586994727981057,@dog_rates eeyore. we are going to get you out of that wagon. even though it’s a pretty cool wagon,18056,474,
Tue Dec 10 13:39:36 +0000 2019,1204395239420702722,gooooob morning. i know you’ve got a lot going on right now. so i wanted to mention. i think you’re doing great,193009,36195,
Sat Dec 07 23:22:31 +0000 2019,1203454771165724672,i have spent the whole day. watching the human make a gingerbread house. the final touch. was a little icing dog. staring out one of the windows. now it’s a gingerbread home,192862,19492,
Fri Dec 06 19:35:04 +0000 2019,1203035144501641217,@dog_rates i will lend her. my stuffed fren sebastian. if that would help,24329,537,
Wed Dec 04 20:04:40 +0000 2019,1202317817304895488,the human who always brings packages. brought another package today. i put my nose against the window to say hi. and they poked it from the other side of the glass. before smiling. and continuing on their way,131493,8798,
Tue Dec 03 01:41:52 +0000 2019,1201677901646589953,the human seems to think. only one of us can fit on a chair. but what they always fail to consider. is if we were stacked on top of each other,175983,17296,
Sun Dec 01 18:47:16 +0000 2019,1201211178304847872,can someone please tell them. i said hi back https://t.co/yHdtZmkqvd,52329,2777,
Thu Nov 28 22:09:46 +0000 2019,1200174971982467074,there are many humans in the household right now. and they all seem to have snacks. so i’m going to convince each and every one of them. that i have not eaten. in several weeks,228492,24720,
Tue Nov 26 13:06:51 +0000 2019,1199313568715296769,gooooob morning. today has infinite wondrous possibilities. i’m going back to sleep. but you should find out what they are,156193,22216,
Mon Nov 25 18:15:48 +0000 2019,1199028931505975299,"i made a bunch of holiday cards. for you to give to everyone you know. i hope you like them

https://t.co/BETd4o24a0 https://t.co/3AKpDOllGp",20161,1252,
Sun Nov 24 20:38:06 +0000 2019,1198702354775728128,the small neighbor human and i. have been working on a puzzle. for quite some time. we only have one piece left. but we can’t find it anywhere. i hope i didn’t eat it. that sounds like something i might do,153150,11235,
Thu Nov 21 18:03:16 +0000 2019,1197576226077954048,i choose to believe. that when he locates a koala. he puts them on his back. and they ride him out of the fire https://t.co/Yoyi3Axxx2,87958,7921,
Sat Nov 16 21:16:04 +0000 2019,1195812805141622784,at the park today. i noticed the human glancing at another human. so i made my way over. and sat on their foot. forcing my human to come apologize for me. i am a matchmaker,219024,16493,
Fri Nov 15 16:26:11 +0000 2019,1195377466694492160,@dog_rates she can use my noggin. when i’m not using it,16188,351,
Wed Nov 13 13:26:42 +0000 2019,1194607519806525440,gooooob morning. i’ve given it some thought. and i’m going to be the best today,123876,12619,
Fri Nov 08 02:03:04 +0000 2019,1192623539595051010,"i would like more frens. so i have made a list of my best qualities. for your consideration

6. am fluffy
1. can jump (and sit)
C. sometimes i sneeze

i look forward. to hearing from you",215917,21678,
Thu Nov 07 17:09:38 +0000 2019,1192489299289067520,@dog_rates i helped https://t.co/TECzv8QrAl,11248,325,
Mon Nov 04 18:50:28 +0000 2019,1191427507284795392,the human keeps a picture of me. on the front of their little computer. so they can show everyone they meet. wherever they go. just how beautiful i am,184934,17800,
Thu Oct 31 23:50:51 +0000 2019,1190053550614646785,the tiny monsters are on their way. and my job. is to hold this bucket of snacks for them. i was told they can only take one. but that’s not my rule to enforce,133185,11232,
Thu Oct 31 16:51:11 +0000 2019,1189947938090340355,the human asked what i wanted to be for halloween. and after some thought. i have decided. i would like to be cherished,174319,26482,
Wed Oct 30 00:51:22 +0000 2019,1189344003902320640,could you please do that thing. where you hold me,156809,23898,
Sun Oct 27 22:04:06 +0000 2019,1188577135293657088,occasionally during our walks. someone will pass us. and completely ignore my human. but whisper hello to me. i really enjoy this,241267,22382,
Wed Oct 23 18:12:46 +0000 2019,1187069367994863616,my stuffed fren sebastian and i. were hanging outside. when a leaf fell from above. and came to rest on his noggin. he has been chosen. sebastian is king of spooky season. long may he reign,137612,13406,
Mon Oct 21 12:01:34 +0000 2019,1186251174690746370,gooooob morning. i am already very tired. so i really think. we should all try again tomorrow,183383,36422,
Wed Oct 16 23:46:01 +0000 2019,1184616518946041857,would you mind. taking a moment to consider. that i love you,133616,16778,
Sun Oct 13 17:10:19 +0000 2019,1183429772845600768,we are headed to a pumpkin patch. and although i’ve been told. i can only bring one home. i am going to say hi. to every pumpkin there,168403,14378,
Thu Oct 10 00:00:15 +0000 2019,1182083384115261441,today. is my stuffed fren sebastian’s second birthday. and to celebrate. we would like to see. all of your favorite stuffed frens,138579,9253,
Wed Oct 09 18:53:13 +0000 2019,1182006118060445696,the human came home for a bit. claiming they forgot their lunch. but i think we all know. they just missed me,165307,13751,
Fri Oct 04 16:58:21 +0000 2019,1180165271668965376,if you leave the room i’m in. i will always follow you to the next one. whatever this adventure is. you don’t have to do it alone,199942,26168,
Wed Oct 02 12:10:45 +0000 2019,1179368116926717954,gooooob morning. i think. with the right amount of peanut butter. today could go well,125675,13888,
Sun Sep 29 19:36:33 +0000 2019,1178393144250916864,the human invited some frens over. and one of them is sitting on the floor. gently rubbing my ears. they refer to me as the squishy wonder. and if my human doesn’t step it up. i’m going home with them,173147,14485,
Wed Sep 25 12:03:00 +0000 2019,1176829451629256705,gooooob morning. i would like a lot of support today. just in general,143206,22087,
Sun Sep 22 19:47:57 +0000 2019,1175859298825621506,i found a pizza crust. on our walk today. in case anyone was thinking. about giving up on their dreams,132680,14750,
Tue Sep 17 23:04:37 +0000 2019,1174096850619486209,the small neighbor human. came over after school. to try to get me to eat their homework. while i don’t condone such behavior. i absolutely complied,160293,12655,
Fri Sep 13 22:37:00 +0000 2019,1172640349954510849,i hear a noise. i think it’s the garaGE DOOR. IT IS THE GARAGE DOOR. THE HUMAN IS HOME. AND MY FEETS. THEY ARE A TIPPY TAPPIN,209739,19674,
Tue Sep 10 00:35:02 +0000 2019,1171220502649569280,i may have gotten bigger. but my desire to be held. has remained constant,197838,26815,
Sun Sep 08 21:19:33 +0000 2019,1170808918152376320,i do not understand the sports. but based on the variety of emotions. the human has gone through. in such a short time. i’m not sure i want to,132982,12426,
Wed Sep 04 02:45:00 +0000 2019,1169078881963261953,i went outside one more time before bed. the human kept calling me. but the stars look so nice right now. if i sit and enjoy them long enough. the human will have no choice. but to come out. and enjoy them with me,200240,21303,
Tue Sep 03 16:30:19 +0000 2019,1168924189593624581,"beginning next year. not a day will go by. without a thought from yours truly. my calendar is available now

https://t.co/6UEgyvjn4H https://t.co/9UbQ5zvYFd",34336,2136,
Thu Aug 29 23:29:29 +0000 2019,1167217739800309760,i’ve been thinking about it a lot recently. and i would really appreciate. a kiss on my forehead,176877,26594,
Mon Aug 26 15:30:39 +0000 2019,1166010073799200770,@dog_rates https://t.co/rtBJOS5aZ0,31575,1049,
Sun Aug 25 21:25:51 +0000 2019,1165737073120182272,the small neighbor human. goes back to school tomorrow. so we spent the whole day together. doing our favorite things. i understand education is important. but here’s the thing. so am i,193122,18706,
Thu Aug 22 22:48:54 +0000 2019,1164670810407092224,petting me with your foot. only counts. as half a pet,134023,9945,
Tue Aug 20 03:20:54 +0000 2019,1163652098191314944,i was already asleep. when the human picked me up from my bed. and placed me onto theirs. recommence your snoozles. everything is perfect,153642,11499,
Thu Aug 15 16:35:50 +0000 2019,1162040212417122305,i am going to skip ahead. and look at all the dogs. as soon as i get it. no one can stop me https://t.co/fxpJg6M18f,34161,1277,
Tue Aug 13 02:10:20 +0000 2019,1161097625699082245,i’m not sure if you noticed. but i love you,173866,25312,
Sat Aug 10 15:29:46 +0000 2019,1160211643923673088,today. i’m going to lie on the porch. with my front paws hanging off the top stair. and when the sun breaks through the trees. i will squint and smile. and become marginally toastier,169856,15155,
Wed Aug 07 22:23:12 +0000 2019,1159228524353531904,if you sit on the floor. i’m getting in your lap. this is just the way things are,139973,12036,
Sun Aug 04 17:01:05 +0000 2019,1158060297044844545,i know there’s bad in the world. and it would be silly. to pretend it isn’t there. but for now here’s my leash. and a few licks on your hand. to convince you that one day. we will be alright,208243,37341,
Tue Jul 30 23:13:09 +0000 2019,1156341994538467328,you may think it’s strange. for me to lose my mind with joy. every time you walk through the door. but when you love like i do. there’s no other option,163330,21044,
Mon Jul 29 12:30:00 +0000 2019,1155817751333654528,gooooob morning. we are going to have a great day. whether you like it. or not,134429,21491,
Tue Jul 23 16:56:06 +0000 2019,1153710390796152833,sometimes. i will go outside. only to realize. it is inside that i desired all along,164231,22015,
Mon Jul 22 17:43:34 +0000 2019,1153359945670094848,the human set up a fan. right next to my bed. that moves back and forth. so every few seconds. i feel like i’m flying,133370,10125,
Thu Jul 18 15:31:01 +0000 2019,1151877038053060608,"for your convenience. i have made a list of the times. i would appreciate your attention

always",174676,27460,
Wed Jul 17 20:07:03 +0000 2019,1151584116694908928,RT @AndrewsMcMeel: Good news frens! @dog_feelings planners are now available in Barnes & Noble stores! https://t.co/X106cTEdRB,0,372,
Tue Jul 16 02:11:28 +0000 2019,1150951049038925824,every night we have cheese time. this is when i am presented. a single slice of cheese for consumption. i know exactly when cheese time is. and delaying it for any reason. is against the law,147837,12309,
Sat Jul 13 19:30:20 +0000 2019,1150125324316790784,sometimes. i’ll pretend i need to tell you a secret. but when you lean in close. i’ll lick your ear instead. i am a master of deception,200901,22011,
Thu Jul 11 15:43:14 +0000 2019,1149343397326405632,"RT @AndrewsMcMeel: Dear @dog_feelings frens: For crashing our website and ordering ALL planner stock, we forgive you. Thank you for your pa…",0,145,
Tue Jul 09 16:33:41 +0000 2019,1148631320102260737,outside is larger than you think. which is why i always have my leash. so the human doesn’t get lost,178130,19848,
Mon Jul 08 13:11:26 +0000 2019,1148218034076569600,gooooob morning. i was hoping to wake up to the smell of waffles. i deserve a waffle,119144,11442,
Sun Jul 07 18:03:09 +0000 2019,1147929056924430336,the small neighbor human. is kicking around a black and white ball. and whenever it goes more than a few feet. they hold their arms out wide. and look around. as if the whole world is watching,116349,9245,
Thu Jul 04 00:10:32 +0000 2019,1146571961310404609,the sky booms have begun. and we all know how scary they can be. so the human and i are headed to the shelter. to comfort some pups. who don’t yet have. someone to hold them,177207,18614,
Sun Jun 30 01:23:49 +0000 2019,1145140851976228864,let me be perfectly clear. you don’t stand a chance. against these cuddles,135592,14737,
Thu Jun 27 22:48:39 +0000 2019,1144377028583362560,i’d like to take a moment. to tell you about my stuffed fren sebastian. he is my closest confidant. my brightest shadow. he has big floppy ears. a long skinny nose. and his arm has only fallen off twice. he is the definition of good company. and without him. i’d be lost,126321,8798,
Wed Jun 26 12:44:33 +0000 2019,1143862613933035520,i’m sitting next to the human. as they put on their shoes to leave. i glanced at the door. then slowly up at them. with the widest eyes i could manage. long story short. we’re working from home today,163347,13514,
Mon Jun 24 12:59:18 +0000 2019,1143141550639087616,gooooob morning. sometimes when the human is still asleep. i will quietly climb onto their face. and wait patiently for them to wake up. this normally does not take very long,132729,10753,
Sat Jun 22 18:38:48 +0000 2019,1142502211143925760,IT IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY. MY CONFIDENCE IS SOARING. GIVE ME MY LEASH I’LL WALK MYSELF. LOOK AT THESE HIPS SWAY,159060,17345,
Thu Jun 20 00:06:33 +0000 2019,1141497530041061378,do not worry ronald. i’m on my way. and my stuffed fren sebastian. is coming with me https://t.co/QZttby5DnK,132760,10546,
Wed Jun 19 02:56:36 +0000 2019,1141177935249829888,so sorry to interrupt. but i hope all your dreams come true,178766,36484,
Mon Jun 17 17:31:40 +0000 2019,1140673377880776704,the small neighbor human. has a big new toy in their yard. if you jump on it. you boumce. sometimes we jump at the same time. this is called a double boumce. i always knew we could fly. we just needed a little help,121111,9337,
Thu Jun 13 01:44:45 +0000 2019,1138985525224718336,all i need right now. is to rest my chin. in the palm of your hand. sometimes my noggin gets heavy. probably from all the knowledge,160787,16667,
Tue Jun 11 16:32:20 +0000 2019,1138484120382656512,i forgot to say. one at a time https://t.co/tgXAUEB93L,22755,531,
Tue Jun 11 16:16:11 +0000 2019,1138480052922753024,"i’m going to help you stay calm. and very organized. for 16 whole months. my planner is available now

https://t.co/tsZt10Twx9 https://t.co/Nj1KeePfhH",60648,4255,
Tue Jun 11 16:13:02 +0000 2019,1138479262145568768,i have an announcement,31553,747,
Sun Jun 09 19:39:50 +0000 2019,1137806526683500550,i was told. whenever a square car with sirens passes by. they are on their way to help. so i always howl along. to let everyone know. i’m helping too,214502,20703,
Wed Jun 05 21:51:08 +0000 2019,1136390021894660096,i like to leave as much of my hair. around the house as possible. it is my confetti. i am a party,234230,41593,
Mon Jun 03 14:33:59 +0000 2019,1135555232002260999,gooooob morning. the human starts every day. with a cup of warm bean juice. they say it makes them fast. i tried to sneak a taste. but was quickly denied. this is far from fair. i wanna be fast too,175311,20230,
Thu May 30 02:23:39 +0000 2019,1133921887489101824,the human worked all day. so we didn’t spend much time together. this upsets them more than anything. because who knows how long any of us have. but they’re here now. and i really hope they realize. all i need. is for them to hold my paw. until i fall asleep,196822,21704,
Mon May 27 12:10:04 +0000 2019,1132982298821955584,gooooob morning. the first time you wake up. could be a mistake. it’s best to fall back to sleep. just to be safe,185864,25714,
Sun May 26 00:37:57 +0000 2019,1132445735402786816,the human invited a new fren over tonight. it’s going well. but they seem a little nervous. this is to be expected. as i set the bar pretty high around here,132322,8528,
Wed May 22 23:42:43 +0000 2019,1131344668803813376,i am happy to report. that my stuffed fren sebastian’s surgery was a success. he’s been prescribed lots of bed rest. which is perfect. i love bed rest,126262,7529,
Wed May 22 21:42:18 +0000 2019,1131314368052776961,i was playing with my stuffed fren sebastian. when his arm fell all the way off. there’s no need to worry. because among many other things. my human is a surgeon,150434,11912,
Tue May 21 02:22:42 +0000 2019,1130660155966730240,to be perfectly clear. i love you,180897,28614,
Thu May 16 22:37:54 +0000 2019,1129154031857721346,sometimes. the human needs a break from the world. so i grab my leash. drop it in their hand. and we take a walk. where all we have to focus on. is putting one paw in front of the other,215338,32723,
Wed May 15 12:48:04 +0000 2019,1128643206004875264,gooooob morning. it is way too early to be conscious. but we must persevere. because i have to pee,143709,14395,
Mon May 13 17:21:46 +0000 2019,1127987311927382016,the small neighbor human. has been teaching me how to roll over. but i usually stop halfway. this is the belly rub toll. and i will not complete the trick. until it is paid,159339,13711,
Sat May 11 01:17:03 +0000 2019,1127019755452260352,the human is going out tonight. to see some of their frens. which is fine. i’ll be okay by myself. i totally didn’t wanna cuddle. until we both fall asleep,135957,10891,
Wed May 08 17:20:39 +0000 2019,1126175091908157440,we were at the store today. and i found a stuffed penguin that i really fancied. i tried to carry it out. but was stopped before the exit. i am not a criminal. i just have no money,201588,21783,
Sun May 05 22:47:21 +0000 2019,1125170143544233984,i’m a simple pup. i don’t need much. just your attention at all times. and for everyone i ever meet to love me a whole bunch,172609,21546,
Thu May 02 15:56:31 +0000 2019,1123979591360614400,i know you have a lot going on right now. so i just want to say. i think you’re doing great,190317,41960,
Mon Apr 29 12:48:49 +0000 2019,1122845189209333760,gooooob morning. the human is working from home today. but i require attention. so i’m going to sit in their lap. and randomly press buttons on their computer. until they give up,167731,13840,
Sat Apr 27 19:26:55 +0000 2019,1122220599542042624,WE ARE GOING TO THE BEACH. I CAN SMELL THE OCEAN. I’M GOING TO EAT THE SAND,183470,13521,
Fri Apr 26 16:01:22 +0000 2019,1121806481785966592,RT @dog_rates: I met @Hozier at a dog rescue https://t.co/JtrS3Ghr9B,0,11088,
Wed Apr 24 16:04:16 +0000 2019,1121082437902069763,"i made more love cards. this time they’re for mother’s day. because moms are special. i hope you like them

https://t.co/yhAbwIkQRo https://t.co/J9fz67EMF1",33092,2668,
Tue Apr 23 18:35:06 +0000 2019,1120758007237726208,i’ve been lying in the same spot. for several hours. some may think i’m lazy. but i bet they’ve never been so focused. on a skittle under a fridge,138849,11893,
Mon Apr 22 13:18:13 +0000 2019,1120315872436867074,gooooob morning. the human made me a pancake. in the shape of a heart. it tasted similar to a circle pancake. but meant a lot more,211467,20865,
Sun Apr 21 14:40:38 +0000 2019,1119974225190604800,the small neighbor human. has enlisted my help. finding colorful eggs in the garden. i tried to eat the first one i found. but apparently that’s not the objective,149994,13973,
Sat Apr 20 17:24:20 +0000 2019,1119653036949823488,if you see me sitting outside a store. being all good. while my human shops inside. you must come pat my noggin. that’s the law,189201,16665,
Tue Apr 16 18:44:22 +0000 2019,1118223626304512001,if someone could hold me for a bit. that’d be nice,169348,31589,
Mon Apr 15 12:57:32 +0000 2019,1117773953672421376,gooooob morning. i walked the small neighbor human. to the bus at the end of the street again. but this time. before they got on. they knelt down and promised. they’d be back before i knew it,155957,9997,
Sat Apr 13 17:18:57 +0000 2019,1117114966157381633,whenever i do a little jog. the tags on my collar start to jingle. this signals to my surroundings. that the goodness approaches,146218,14616,
Fri Apr 12 01:55:31 +0000 2019,1116520186733973504,i am snuggling with my stuffed fren sebastian. and the human is snuggling with me. according to the transitive property of snugs. the human is also snuggling sebastian,146506,11417,
Thu Apr 11 16:01:40 +0000 2019,1116370740901584896,"RT @dog_rates: This is Cricket. Back in September, you guys raised all the money for his surgery. I finally got to meet him and his friends…",0,8284,
Wed Apr 10 02:14:16 +0000 2019,1115800131964555265,the human likes to cover my eyes with my ears. and pretend there’s been a power outage. i go along with this. because it makes them very happy,176441,15566,
Mon Apr 08 12:40:23 +0000 2019,1115232924545077248,gooooob morning. i’m going to need a lot of attention today. i can just tell,203406,37535,
Thu Apr 04 17:51:22 +0000 2019,1113861634424954880,nobody ever told me. when you wake up from a nap. you can immediately start another one. that was something i figured out. all by myself,219350,26997,
Tue Apr 02 01:04:44 +0000 2019,1112883529279393792,"i wasn’t a good dog today

april fools. i was so good",424729,53176,
Sun Mar 31 21:33:43 +0000 2019,1112468039453167617,occasionally. the freezer will provide crunch water. this is way better than regular water. because of the crunch,249002,28244,
Fri Mar 29 22:00:17 +0000 2019,1111749949258002432,me and my stuffed fren sebastian. are heading to the movies. because there's a very special film. about an elephant named #dumbo. who looks just like sebastian. and is almost as magical #ad,101704,5342,dumbo;ad
Wed Mar 27 12:41:44 +0000 2019,1110884608848117760,gooooob morning. i am already tangled. in the cords behind the couch. please set the household alert level to dark grey. and note that i’m requesting immediate assistance,135972,10313,
Wed Mar 27 01:00:59 +0000 2019,1110708258329763840,i’ve been thinking about it a lot. and i love you,148544,20616,
Fri Mar 22 22:19:28 +0000 2019,1109218060752191488,we went to a new park today. and right at the entrance. was a big bucket of tennis balls with a little sign. that the human said was there in memory of a very good dog. who really liked tennis balls. and that i could play with one. to help that very good dog be remembered,220478,19661,
Wed Mar 20 04:17:09 +0000 2019,1108220910316576770,the human is fast asleep. but i jumped on their bed. and cuddled close. to remind them that i love them. because the nighttime is long. and i’m worried they might forget,254850,30155,
Mon Mar 18 12:30:00 +0000 2019,1107620165330452486,gooooob morning. at some point today i'm going to wink at the human. but i will do it very quickly. and only once. so they spend all week wondering if it actually happened,161164,14307,
Sat Mar 16 19:52:45 +0000 2019,1107006809036865536,we were in the car. stopped at a grey light. when i accidentally dropped my stuffed fren sebastian out the window. the human saved him. and as far as i could tell. nobody in the cars around us. seemed to mind the delay,180218,13497,
Wed Mar 13 19:50:28 +0000 2019,1105919073815191552,the small neighbor human. stopped by the house after school. i guess they hate a thing called math. and really needed to tell someone. as long as they don’t stop petting me. i am a fabulous listener,137243,10643,
Mon Mar 11 17:47:08 +0000 2019,1105163258871177217,apparently. we lost an entire hour of sleep the other night. which is rude. so to get my revenge. i will be sleeping all day every day. for the rest of the year,182645,24574,
Thu Mar 07 18:18:30 +0000 2019,1103721602754068480,my stuffed fren sebastian. is a little shy. but he wanted me to tell you. he thinks you’re doing great,133352,13291,
Tue Mar 05 03:33:58 +0000 2019,1102774226417664001,hi. if you would like to cuddle. i certainly wouldn’t oppose,185408,25672,
Sat Mar 02 20:23:48 +0000 2019,1101941195498909696,WE ARE AT THE PARK. BUT THE HUMAN SAYS IT’S TIME TO LEAVE. WHICH DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. BECAUSE THEY CAN’T CATCH ME,211363,21711,
Thu Feb 28 00:52:47 +0000 2019,1100921724554567680,today the sun shined for the first time in a while. so i spent the evening outside. rolling on my back and kicking the air. to show my appreciation. and my pizzazz,134842,10014,
Tue Feb 26 14:24:48 +0000 2019,1100401295779753984,gooooob morning. i’m so glad you’re awake. an urgent matter requires your immediate attention. it’s me,163092,21520,
Mon Feb 25 17:16:14 +0000 2019,1100082051724668929,i’m going to take my nap. but the household must remain protected. so i left sebastian. and a few other stuffed frens. right at the front door. to guard against any intruders,142536,10501,
Fri Feb 22 13:33:37 +0000 2019,1098938865216188424,gooooob morning. i would like a pancake,145414,17165,
Wed Feb 20 18:50:45 +0000 2019,1098293897439014912,when i run through the house. with paws full of mud. please remember. i am making art. i am an artist,164465,18898,
Mon Feb 18 17:58:04 +0000 2019,1097555864372690945,i’m sorry i forgot to say gooooob morning. i woke up. and was immediately distracted by everything,148125,12585,
Sat Feb 16 04:07:02 +0000 2019,1096621952028921856,i had been asleep several hours. when the human decided to wake me up with a hug. that’s no problem. it’s what i’m here for,213004,22375,
Thu Feb 14 16:27:59 +0000 2019,1096083645188648961,on our walk today. we passed the cutest pup in the world. i was too scared to say anything. and just kept walking. but i’m telling everyone. i have a valentine,160762,15132,
Wed Feb 13 02:27:17 +0000 2019,1095509686781063168,i will love you. for all eternity. and in return. could you please wipe away my eye boogers,202517,23074,
Mon Feb 11 21:56:23 +0000 2019,1095079126120067072,i have a meeting very shortly. with my stuffed fren sebastian. to go over the dangers of raisins. but my ear just turned inside out. and he can’t see me like this,142841,11949,
Sun Feb 10 17:16:00 +0000 2019,1094646175196741632,there was a sandwich. on the edge of the counter. and now there isn’t. those are all the details. we can confirm so far. the piece of lettuce on my nose. is purely circumstantial,184019,20267,
Fri Feb 08 02:01:47 +0000 2019,1093691330125938688,oh don’t mind me. i just love you,175359,28423,
Wed Feb 06 19:26:29 +0000 2019,1093229460336168960,the commercial on the tv. made a doorbell noise. i know deep down it wasn’t my doorbell. but. there’s no harm in making sure,154572,13306,
Wed Feb 06 17:30:48 +0000 2019,1093200347248521216,"RT @dog_rates: WE MADE A GAME! 🎲

It’s like a dog show but each of the 45 dogs has 6 characteristics (floof, boopability, etc.) plus an ove…",0,3672,
Tue Feb 05 14:21:16 +0000 2019,1092790265230680066,gooooob morning. be sure to start your day with a stretchum. maybe even a wiggle. now you’re ready for anything. the haters won’t know what hit them,140272,20270,
Sun Feb 03 01:00:30 +0000 2019,1091863969822724096,"the human has a new fren coming over tonight. and i’ve prepared. a simple entrance survey for them

6. do you like me
c. how much do you like me
2. do you jump in puddles
a. i like to jump in puddles
b. can i lick your ear
3. do you like me
7. i’m already licking your ear",178565,19774,
Thu Jan 31 14:40:30 +0000 2019,1090983164569239553,gooooob morning. i am making the executive decision. that it is too cold. to do anything at all today. secure a cuddle buddy. and recommence your snoozles,169023,23870,
Wed Jan 30 04:24:38 +0000 2019,1090465788517969920,i fell asleep with my tongue out. and the human decided to poke it. i should really know better by now. they do that every time,161693,13753,
Mon Jan 28 17:07:52 +0000 2019,1089933087448809474,"i made you three love cards. and a pack of love stickers. to give to anyone you want. you could also keep them. and pretend they’re from me

⇨ https://t.co/HazNaLlJVq https://t.co/bGEOnxQUsw",38641,3259,
Sun Jan 27 21:24:09 +0000 2019,1089635195236446208,WE’RE GOING TO THE PARK. AND I’M BRINGING MY STUFFED FREN SEBASTIAN. AND I’M GOING TO SHOW HIM. TO EVERYBODY,154164,9764,
Fri Jan 25 18:07:25 +0000 2019,1088860908799983616,ibuprofen. is just evil skittles. please feel better carbon https://t.co/MMkh67Yfdz,100659,8504,
Wed Jan 23 02:35:04 +0000 2019,1087901501928787968,i’ve been talking a lot. with my stuffed fren sebastian. and we strongly believe. that cuddles are crucial. and should be distributed bountifully,129489,14461,
Mon Jan 21 16:15:00 +0000 2019,1087383066664828929,sometimes. i'll lean against your leg. and it's not because. i'm afraid to lose my balance. it's just that. i'm afraid to lose you,213746,24906,
Sat Jan 19 18:54:30 +0000 2019,1086698429701447680,the human took a little swab of my cheek. and is sending it away. to see what type of pup i am. but i don’t need the results. i’m 100% fabulous,162394,13193,
Thu Jan 17 14:13:49 +0000 2019,1085903021119201280,gooooob morning. i’ve been giving it a lot of thought. and i really think. today is your day,130976,18579,
Mon Jan 14 17:43:25 +0000 2019,1084868602396897281,i just found out. that not everything is about me. and i’m devastated. to say the least,199893,34967,
Sun Jan 13 03:49:21 +0000 2019,1084296313657847808,the human went out tonight. and i hope they’re having fun. but i can’t fall asleep. until they’ve returned safe and sound. so for the sake of my snoozle. please hurry home,180079,14702,
Thu Jan 10 03:23:24 +0000 2019,1083202623002603522,i don’t mean to interrupt. but i love you,170011,25624,
Wed Jan 09 14:29:03 +0000 2019,1083007747828924416,sometimes. when i first wake up. i can’t open my eyes all the way. but i’m still excited for what the day could bring. so i pair the squint. with a little smile. while the household recognizes its king,134260,10566,
Tue Jan 08 23:19:41 +0000 2019,1082778901292728320,tonight is a very big night. i scheduled a playdate. with the neighbor pup. and after i introduce them. to my stuffed fren sebastian. we’re going to watch the skittle under the fridge. together,149314,10950,
Mon Jan 07 14:24:18 +0000 2019,1082281777828372480,gooooob morning. the human is off to do. whatever they do to provide for us. and i am off. to wiggle around on my back a bit. we both contribute in our own way,172952,16911,
Thu Jan 03 19:55:10 +0000 2019,1080915492867592194,i found a really good stick. but i chewed it too hard. and it broke in half. which was disappointing until i realized. now i have two sticks. today has been. an emotional roller coaster,212436,24944,
Wed Jan 02 21:31:44 +0000 2019,1080577406547738624,it’s time to say goodbye. to my tree fren steven. so we took down his lights. and all his special orbs. the human says he’ll be back soon. but it’s still okay to be sad. which is comforting. because that’s exactly what i am,142557,10986,
Tue Jan 01 15:17:54 +0000 2019,1080120939109646336,gooooob morning. i was told that this year. is the year of the belly rub. please don’t look that up. you can trust me,195443,23672,
Tue Jan 01 03:11:36 +0000 2019,1079938162791772161,my new year’s resolution. is to find a way. to love you more,149831,24299,
Tue Jan 01 01:40:17 +0000 2019,1079915179163422720,RT @dog_rates: The Dogs of 2018 https://t.co/vxbahkstHe,0,164592,
Fri Dec 28 16:47:52 +0000 2018,1078694027854311425,i was lying on the couch. all snuggled up with the human. when they got up and left the room. it’s like they don’t know. that without attention. i will explode,187812,22080,
Tue Dec 25 13:34:28 +0000 2018,1077558194128465920,gooooob morning. there is a box. underneath my tree fren steven. that smells like peanut butter. i am trying my best. to remain calm. but i think it’s for me,188929,18705,
Tue Dec 25 01:37:58 +0000 2018,1077377881863536640,i forgot to tell the human. what i wanted for christmas. but that’s okay. it’s hard to wrap a hug,254747,42050,
Sun Dec 23 04:07:03 +0000 2018,1076690624462635008,i helped put tiny lights. all around my tree fren steven. and now that it’s nighttime. he is fabulous,137683,11575,
Thu Dec 20 03:07:25 +0000 2018,1075588452199088128,there is a tree. growing inside the house. it wasn’t here earlier. but it’s here now. the human doesn’t seem concerned. so i think its our family now. he will be my veggie fren. and i shall call him steven,200258,24085,
Tue Dec 18 16:15:44 +0000 2018,1075062065025433600,some things in life. just aren’t fair. for example. i keep having to scoot over. to stay in the path of this sunbeam. shining through the window,108391,9216,
Sat Dec 15 22:13:32 +0000 2018,1074064944654626817,the human just came home. smelling like another dog. this isn’t a problem. i’m totally not upset. if anybody needs me. i’ll be over here. wondering what i ever did to deserve this,193550,24505,
Thu Dec 13 14:45:03 +0000 2018,1073227304556482560,gooooob morning. i think. you’re gonna do great today,125393,20584,
Wed Dec 12 02:28:14 +0000 2018,1072679489791057926,the human seems distracted. so i put my paw on their knee. and now they know. that whatever it is. we’re in it together,219932,30268,
Mon Dec 10 22:20:17 +0000 2018,1072254702853722113,i have a toy that looks like a cupcake. and sometimes. i squeak it very loud. for a very long time. i don’t mean to be annoying. i was in the zone,131924,11205,
Fri Dec 07 22:26:43 +0000 2018,1071169158681903107,THE GARAGE DOOR IS OPENING. THE HUMAN IS HOME. THE WEEKEND HAS BEGUN. PLEASE HELP. I CAN’T STOP SPINNING,189440,17825,
Fri Dec 07 02:54:42 +0000 2018,1070874209327476736,my stuffed fren sebastian. is being washed as we speak. the time apart can be lonely. but i can be patient. for when he emerges from the dryer. he’ll be super toasty,131687,10601,
Wed Dec 05 22:32:38 +0000 2018,1070445873862197250,my reflection has never fooled me. that couldn’t be another dog. nobody else. is so good looking,122306,10964,
Mon Dec 03 14:07:43 +0000 2018,1069594031657820160,gooooob morning. i spotted the human. secretly putting a piece of pancake in my bowl. so the next time i get a drink. boom. surprise pancake. i am eternally grateful,165944,13482,
Sat Dec 01 01:32:15 +0000 2018,1068679135445295110,the human was planning on going out tonight. but i sat in front of the door. and made eye contact once. so now we’re watching movies,168126,17533,
Wed Nov 28 19:54:21 +0000 2018,1067869325778915329,i was only outside for a minute. when a snowflake landed on my nose. i hurried inside. to show my stuffed fren sebastian. but by the time i found him. my wintery pal was gone,137641,11595,
Wed Nov 28 03:30:48 +0000 2018,1067621803428900864,i have performed my final security lap. around the household. i’m happy to report. snoozles are a go,143025,11974,
Tue Nov 27 13:46:29 +0000 2018,1067414361248010242,gooooob morning. i don’t mean to alarm anyone. but i’m feeling great,106171,9752,
Sun Nov 25 18:21:44 +0000 2018,1066758854283796480,sometimes. i lie down during a walk. and refuse to get up. so the human has no choice. but to spend more time with me,142411,11444,
Thu Nov 22 17:34:43 +0000 2018,1065659855283863552,the household is filled. with so many smells. ready your tippy taps. today has potential,128349,13815,
Wed Nov 21 15:42:34 +0000 2018,1065269243623731200,gooooob morning. our walk was very chilly. but i wasn’t bothered. because i wore a jacket. and it had hedgehogs on it,127682,9413,
Tue Nov 20 23:00:00 +0000 2018,1065016941662937088,every time the human comes home. i must be ready with a gift. most of the time they return unexpectedly. and i panic. so the gift is almost always. whatever is closest to me,153784,15618,
Tue Nov 20 00:41:47 +0000 2018,1064680168990609410,one of my biggest goals. is to eat a leaf. during the nighttime. this is known as a dark crunch. and it’s very advanced,129528,11452,
Fri Nov 16 19:05:11 +0000 2018,1063508295942590467,i have asked the human. to clear their schedule https://t.co/1LFv7e3j6A,87434,10795,
Thu Nov 15 02:47:45 +0000 2018,1062899931088912384,i may have already mentioned this. but i love you,142412,20614,
Tue Nov 13 13:34:25 +0000 2018,1062337892700307457,gooooob morning. i helped walk the small neighbor human. to the bus at the end of the street. i tried to get on with them. but was quickly denied. they know that with an education. i’d be too powerful,249034,32708,
Sun Nov 11 19:41:17 +0000 2018,1061705440172666881,the human has spent all day. organizing yard leaves into one big pile. i can only assume. it’s so i can jump in it,144100,13318,
Fri Nov 09 22:25:55 +0000 2018,1061022096619438080,my ball rolled under the couch. and i cannot reach it. the human has been informed of the issue. and reminded. that my problems. are their problems,198433,23995,
Thu Nov 08 00:06:31 +0000 2018,1060322639040917505,you’re wrong. one day you’ll have a dog. and they’ll be special in their own ways. they might have a stuffed fren. or like to hop in puddles. you might even have a skittle under the fridge. but they’ll do many other things. that’s why they’ll be yours. that’s why you’ll love them https://t.co/osUrG6emFA,124147,13302,
Tue Nov 06 15:00:36 +0000 2018,1059822866374500353,i took a little trip. to the school down the road. and waited very patiently. as the human checked some boxes. to try and change the world,197528,34701,
Sun Nov 04 02:01:42 +0000 2018,1058902072140226561,rumor has it. we get an extra hour to snoozle tonight. i can’t wait to tell my stuffed fren sebastian. this magical news. he’s going to be so excited,171800,18373,
Thu Nov 01 17:45:42 +0000 2018,1058052475108896768,i accidentally dropped my ball. in my water bowl. technically making a soup. i am an innovator,147664,12740,
Wed Oct 31 23:05:25 +0000 2018,1057770547411648512,the tiny monsters are on their way. and my job. is to hold a bucket of candy for them. i’m not allowed to have any myself. but i expect many pats for my services. and those are just as sweet,169524,20248,
Wed Oct 31 14:56:09 +0000 2018,1057647418945212422,gooooob morning. it is the spooky day,138442,28558,
Mon Oct 29 03:59:52 +0000 2018,1056757482146562050,hi. it’s me again. i love you,177549,27432,
Fri Oct 26 02:06:05 +0000 2018,1055641686955577344,if you’re packing to go somewhere. and leave your suitcase open. i’m allowed to climb inside. and then you have to take me with you. it’s the law,152392,16145,
Thu Oct 25 15:34:09 +0000 2018,1055482654773043205,gooooob morning. you can do it. but if you need help. i’m just a noggin pat away,128308,20362,
Tue Oct 23 02:10:41 +0000 2018,1054555682106695680,if your day didn’t go well. that’s perfectly fine. because now you get to dream. and who knows what could happen. i hope i dream i’m a penguin. so i can zoom on my belly,180384,31349,
Sun Oct 21 21:20:31 +0000 2018,1054120268619268096,today was pumpkin carving day. and i was given. my very own little pumpkin. but i got too attached to it. and when it was time to carve. i didn’t let anyone near it. i saved it from the knife. and in the pumpkin realm. i am a hero,170774,17572,
Thu Oct 18 16:31:58 +0000 2018,1052960489666416640,sometimes. i’ll get really feisty. and nibble on the human’s sleeve. to remind them i am a descendant. of the mighty wolf,162879,19044,
Wed Oct 17 14:09:43 +0000 2018,1052562302174711809,gooooob morning. i wanted to wake up earlier. but i forgot why. so i didn’t,143289,20623,
Tue Oct 16 02:13:37 +0000 2018,1052019702296469505,one time. i was having a nightmare. and the human noticed. so they held my paw. to make sure i knew. everything was going to be okay,183325,18475,
Sun Oct 14 01:37:07 +0000 2018,1051285740057956352,the nights are getting colder. and i think it would really improve. my quality of snoozle. if you tucked me into bed,131865,13560,
Fri Oct 12 18:35:13 +0000 2018,1050817177669066752,gunner. listen closely. cancer doesn’t stand a chance against you https://t.co/eMIefgcdhg,62520,6159,
Thu Oct 11 18:38:22 +0000 2018,1050455583277674496,it is not the taste of the leaves. that intrigues me. it is the crunch,136049,15065,
Tue Oct 09 23:33:31 +0000 2018,1049805084455002114,exactly one year ago. a package arrived for me. and little did i know. that inside. would be the very best stuffed fren. anyone could ever ask for. happy birthday sebastian,192672,16464,
Mon Oct 08 14:12:49 +0000 2018,1049301594402185217,gooooob morning. it is a new day. a new chance. for you to change the world. i would do it myself. but then who would watch the skittle. under the fridge,148373,22917,
Fri Oct 05 22:38:56 +0000 2018,1048341797771124736,the human has only smiled once today. it was when i rolled over. with my feets in the air. and sneezed. it wasn’t on purpose. but they seemed to really enjoy it. so since then. i’ve been lying on my back. desperately trying to sneeze,274591,34034,
Fri Oct 05 17:22:23 +0000 2018,1048262135309119489,do not underestimate. the healing power. of a stuffed fren https://t.co/ps4ZjRFlYN,57426,4051,
Thu Oct 04 18:32:35 +0000 2018,1047917414460084224,i have locked myself in the bathroom. do not ask me how it happened. because i don’t have that information. hopefully. my stuffed fren sebastian. has already called. the proper authorities,146515,13829,
Wed Oct 03 21:03:13 +0000 2018,1047592935267737600,over the summer. the human tried to grow tomatoes in the backyard. but every so often. i would sneak over. and graze on them. like a brontosaurus,124793,12226,
Tue Oct 02 14:19:35 +0000 2018,1047128970053996544,gooooob morning. i am already very tired. so we’re going to try this whole thing. again tomorrow,133945,26946,
Mon Oct 01 22:57:55 +0000 2018,1046897024434655234,the small neighbor human. wants to learn how to take a pup on a walk. it was determined. that i am the perfect candidate. to show them how it’s done.. we’ve gone up and down our little street. several times. and have only gotten super tangled once. so it’s going really well,124714,9469,
Sun Sep 30 22:25:07 +0000 2018,1046526381713215490,i like to sit on one side of the couch. but sometimes. i sit on the other side of the couch. just to keep. everyone on their toes,118732,10363,
Thu Sep 27 22:02:12 +0000 2018,1045433449832681472,i was outside. minding my own business. when a leaf fell on my noggin. i will consider it my crown. and i will rule these lands benevolently,147127,18840,
Thu Sep 27 03:17:49 +0000 2018,1045150490697375745,i am exhausted. and if it’s okay with you. i’d like to redeem. this all-inclusive ticket. to snoozle city,121938,17691,
Tue Sep 25 21:39:42 +0000 2018,1044703010826448897,the human just got home. and once they are settled. i will carefully attempt. to remove a sock from their foot. using the most delicate of nibbles. so they know i missed them,145058,12584,
Sat Sep 22 21:08:49 +0000 2018,1043608076341919746,the human has guests coming over this evening. and my plan. is to introduce. each and every one of them. to my stuffed fren sebastian. everybody loves my stuffed fren sebastian,152417,13407,
Fri Sep 21 18:31:05 +0000 2018,1043205994183106560,you’re not alone doby. i get anxious when the human leaves too. let’s put you back together https://t.co/mzruA0851F,57657,5592,
Thu Sep 20 00:39:57 +0000 2018,1042574045177372672,if you don’t mind. i’m gonna love you a whole lot,160365,32278,
Tue Sep 18 19:28:47 +0000 2018,1042133349266018312,a lot of things in life are unpredictable. but not the skittle under the fridge. it just sits there. and i just watch it,102006,10046,
Mon Sep 17 13:50:26 +0000 2018,1041685815607349248,gooooob morning. i met a little turtle on our walk. they were very busy. and i only got to say hi. before they returned to important work. inside their shell,130795,11914,
Sun Sep 16 01:04:59 +0000 2018,1041130796109770752,the human just took a picture of me. from really up close. which makes the picture look. like i took it myself. they find this very funny,168951,17474,
Thu Sep 13 18:48:35 +0000 2018,1040311296858701824,sometimes. i’m inside. and want to go outside. but as soon as the human opens the door. i change my mind. this is not my fault. i am a fluid. yet increasingly complicated soul,181110,25696,
Wed Sep 12 14:28:10 +0000 2018,1039883372535984136,gooooob morning. today is full of possibilities. maybe i’ll do things. or maybe i won’t,118410,25333,
Tue Sep 11 01:46:41 +0000 2018,1039329348107595776,i just hopped in a puddle. during the nighttime. this is called a dark splash. and i am fearless,120205,11549,
Sun Sep 09 20:53:43 +0000 2018,1038893235337416704,the sports are happening. and based on the human’s reactions. they are happening well. but also not well sometimes,122473,16038,
Fri Sep 07 23:47:11 +0000 2018,1038212111355269120,i hope the human. is in the mood for a hug. because i could really use one,121435,16522,
Thu Sep 06 13:47:41 +0000 2018,1037698856501358592,gooooob morning. i had a dream. that i was chasing my tail. and started spinning so fast. i went back in time. and high-fived a dinosaur,113293,12807,
Tue Sep 04 18:53:21 +0000 2018,1037051004494200838,a human is at the door with a package. i know i’m supposed to bork around. perhaps even cause a rumpus. but they’re just doing their job. and i’m kind of tired. so i’ll just wiggle a bit. and smile through the window. to thank them for the gift,130136,11663,
Mon Sep 03 16:12:01 +0000 2018,1036648016923566080,sometimes. i wonder if there’s more to life. than being ridiculously good-looking,97422,12148,
Sat Sep 01 16:16:42 +0000 2018,1035924418118275073,every time i get brushed. i have to take my collar off. the human always laughs. and says that i’m naked. but joke’s on them. i’m very confident in my body,241198,38699,
Thu Aug 30 00:45:24 +0000 2018,1034965272132767744,if you’re ever sad. or in desperate need of snugs. do not worry. because i’ll come find you. and you bet. i’m bringing my stuffed fren sebastian with me,149866,21110,
Mon Aug 27 14:07:55 +0000 2018,1034080068639903745,gooooob morning. the human is trying to leave. but i’m touching them. faster than they can use a lint roller,141684,17106,
Sun Aug 26 16:14:46 +0000 2018,1033749606373445633,"today is #NationalDogDay. and according to me. i get three wishes. they are as follows:

7. catch tail. but in front of a crowd
c. a nice belly rub 
2. peanut butter pancakes for dinner",112849,15603,NationalDogDay
Sat Aug 25 15:35:46 +0000 2018,1033377403207335936,i brought my stuffed fren sebastian. with me on our walk this morning. but then i found a really nice stick. and i couldn’t carry both. so i kept sebastian. and let the human carry the stick. they seem annoyed. but actually they love me,105253,9187,
Fri Aug 24 16:25:53 +0000 2018,1033027624602349568,i really like your jacket jenny. you can have my knee. until yours is fixed https://t.co/ETfsYKJJHH,41494,3142,
Thu Aug 23 23:36:29 +0000 2018,1032773603643875330,sometimes. i hear my fren bork. so i start borking. even if i have no idea what i’m borking about. you cannot convince me. i’m not helping,124703,14422,
Wed Aug 22 18:12:17 +0000 2018,1032329628508151810,i just woke up. from my early afternoon snoozle. which means we’re not far away. from the midafternoon snoozle. but i may have to reschedule. the pre-evening snoozle. i’m just too busy,124509,14172,
Wed Aug 22 01:38:34 +0000 2018,1032079550790950913,today. was a very long day. but sometimes. long days are necessary. and if they end. with me in your lap. well then i think everything is gonna be alright,113907,16008,
Mon Aug 20 19:27:01 +0000 2018,1031623659142701057,THE BIG YELLOW CAR HAS RETURNED. THE SMALL NEIGHBOR HUMAN IS BACK. i met them at the stop. and did several speedy circles. to make sure they were not harmed. they confirmed for me there was plenty of snacks. so all is well. i told you guys not to worry,109089,8635,
Mon Aug 20 13:20:42 +0000 2018,1031531472153399298,"we have a predicament. i just watched the small neighbor human. skip down the street. and get on board. the biggest yellow car i have ever seen

where are they taking them? why wasn’t i invited? did they remember to pack. enough snacks for the day? are they ever. coming back?",93548,8690,
Mon Aug 20 01:18:58 +0000 2018,1031349841052553216,there’s a super cozy blanket. that the human and i. both really like. i think i should get to use it tonight. and the human thinks. they should get to use it tonight. so we comprimised. and now i’m super cozy,127960,12731,
Sat Aug 18 16:13:08 +0000 2018,1030850088413933568,we had a big adventure planned for today. but the sky droplets just won’t stop. so i think we’ll watch a movie. and cuddle so close. we become. a single entity,114437,11584,
Fri Aug 17 16:00:26 +0000 2018,1030484505692393472,a shaved butt is a confident look. and bowie. you pull it off so well https://t.co/hhREjNPBzU,49519,3879,
Thu Aug 16 21:19:56 +0000 2018,1030202522315698176,the small neighbor human. is hanging outside with some ice cream. and it is melting. way faster than it is being eaten. the only real solution here. is for me to trot over and help,107988,10402,
Wed Aug 15 19:37:08 +0000 2018,1029814263215546369,it is difficult. to perform a good sit. when my feets keep sliding away from me. this is why. i believe the entire household. should be carpeted. thank you for your time,138770,14400,
Tue Aug 14 14:00:17 +0000 2018,1029367104863121409,gooooob morning. before the human left. to do whatever they do. they gave my fren and i. a longer hug than usual. i’m not sure what was on their mind. but it’s certainly gone now. because our long hugs. are very powerful,137904,15644,
Sun Aug 12 23:58:12 +0000 2018,1028792801100746754,if i happen. to lie down on your foot. you’re not allowed to move. you should feel honored,135385,14779,
Sat Aug 11 03:58:33 +0000 2018,1028128512274845701,the human said. they might make pancakes in the morning. so the faster i fall asleep. the sooner i get a pancake. as you can imagine. it’s hard to snoozle. under so much pressure,190129,22159,
Thu Aug 09 01:03:02 +0000 2018,1027359566760222722,the human’s fren came over. for the first time in a long time. i tried to show them. how the skittle under the fridge. still hasn’t moved. but they didn’t seem super interested. that’s okay. we all have different passions,174648,18063,
Mon Aug 06 14:44:33 +0000 2018,1026479144673206274,gooooob morning. today is your day. and if it is not. well who really cares. i still love you lots,170565,35504,
Sun Aug 05 16:54:19 +0000 2018,1026149411804655616,WE’RE GOING ON A HIKE. AND I’M CARRYING MY TRAVEL BOWL. IN CASE OF THIRST. BUT I HAVE To keep stopping. and looking back. because the human is slow. and i am speedy,192910,17799,
Sat Aug 04 21:09:15 +0000 2018,1025851181292310528,sometimes. i let out a little grunt. this could mean i’m hungry. or tired. or that i’m happy you’re around. on very special occasions. it means all three,117417,11577,
Fri Aug 03 02:45:40 +0000 2018,1025211065590849537,i always make sure. to say goodnight to my stuffed fren sebastian. it’s the simplest way. to prevent all the nightmares. and let him know he matters,118385,10811,
Thu Aug 02 00:49:48 +0000 2018,1024819520345726981,a fun fact about me. is that i love you,146121,26009,
Tue Jul 31 00:34:59 +0000 2018,1024091015907614720,the human is flapping my ears. and acting like i’m flying. it is quite clear i’m still on the ground. but that’s not important. i know how much they enjoy this,164298,20278,
Mon Jul 30 15:31:10 +0000 2018,1023954158578266113,sometimes. i roll over onto my back. with my feets in the air. but then forget why i did. so i slowly return to my side. and hope no one saw me,170798,17769,
Sat Jul 28 03:22:03 +0000 2018,1023045894076354563,the human went out. to have fun with some frens. they promised they’d be back soon. so i’m not worried at all. and in the meantime. i found an old jacket. that smells like they’re still here. it will be my new bed. until they return,204655,22498,
Thu Jul 26 19:35:48 +0000 2018,1022566173827850242,i was awoken from my snoozle. by a car coming down the street. quite rude of them to be honest. i was dreaming of peanut butter,101568,9536,
Wed Jul 25 15:00:07 +0000 2018,1022134406855766016,gooooob morning. there are people on the roof. the human says they’re fixing it. but i’m not convinced. please set the household alert level. to light gray,110642,9465,
Tue Jul 24 19:16:49 +0000 2018,1021836620352442369,these crossed paws. are no accident. i’m feeling fancy,158062,25482,
Tue Jul 24 01:50:19 +0000 2018,1021573260172034049,everything. is going to be alright. because guess what. i love you,151541,35462,
Sat Jul 21 22:07:10 +0000 2018,1020792324236996608,on our walk today. i tried to say hello to a person passing by. but they backed away. and continued on. without so much as a smile. the human later explained. that not everyone is going to like me. and i need to be okay with that. but here’s the thing.. i’m not okay with that,238276,33783,
Fri Jul 20 16:24:50 +0000 2018,1020343786587803648,higgins. listen closely. that cancer doesn’t stand a chance against you https://t.co/TukDseGoRR,56421,5739,
Thu Jul 19 23:33:35 +0000 2018,1020089299352596481,sometimes. i will yawn really big. and soon after. the human will also yawn. i have yet to decide. what to do with my powers,148598,20807,
Wed Jul 18 15:11:08 +0000 2018,1019600463497449472,gooooob morning. today is a very busy day.. after the midday snoozle. i have a meeting with my stuffed fren sebastian. about what to do. if we’re ever separated in public. then it’s my turn. to watch the skittle under the fridge. this is of course. followed by another snoozle,111829,11375,
Tue Jul 17 00:32:30 +0000 2018,1019016959785099264,i can fit in your lap. no measurements required. just trust me,160276,24303,
Sun Jul 15 15:47:27 +0000 2018,1018522438370516992,i found. the perfect spot in the yard. where the sun shines through the trees. and toasts me like a marshmallow,141916,16018,
Fri Jul 13 02:20:40 +0000 2018,1017594629376696320,the night snoozle. has arrived once more. please assemble your snugs. and brace for perfect dreams. tomorrow awaits,78189,9017,
Thu Jul 12 00:27:18 +0000 2018,1017203711431663617,the human took my fren. on a special sunset walk. they didn’t use his wagon. they just walked real slow. and i watched from the window. as they smiled the whole time,75161,4403,
Tue Jul 10 14:48:06 +0000 2018,1016695563981676544,gooooob morning. the human made waffles. and i got to taste one. what i’m trying to say. is never give up on your dreams,152977,24114,
Mon Jul 09 01:51:59 +0000 2018,1016137860053979137,sometimes. i don’t know what to do. with all my love. occasionally it overflows. in the form of a burp,110634,14679,
Sat Jul 07 16:18:25 +0000 2018,1015631127846031360,i have stolen a yogurt lid. from the trash. it’s nothing personal. i was just feeling angsty. but now the human is chasing me. and i have no choice. but to evade them spectacularly,148502,16225,
Wed Jul 04 23:17:24 +0000 2018,1014649404865810432,the human invited many guests. to the household this evening. but i reserved a whole room to myself. i have special headphones. to ward off the sky booms. i have my stuffed fren sebastian. to keep me company. and the human plans to check in on me. every other minute,172979,19103,
Wed Jul 04 00:47:52 +0000 2018,1014309783799660544,your premature sky booms. will not be tolerated,120203,20640,
Tue Jul 03 01:57:20 +0000 2018,1013964878518898689,in case you were wondering. i love you,108068,20488,
Sun Jul 01 18:41:41 +0000 2018,1013492857049473024,RT @dog_rates: This is Todd. He saved his human from a rattlesnake yesterday. A true h*ckin hero. He’s expected to make a full recovery and…,0,115991,
Sun Jul 01 17:11:48 +0000 2018,1013470235339313152,TODAY IS ADVENTURE DAY. MY WATER BOWL IS PACKED. THE WINDOWS ARE ROLLED DOWN. AND YES. MY FEETS ARE A TIPPY TAPPIN,153004,17692,
Thu Jun 28 21:40:25 +0000 2018,1012450671155531776,i accidentally dropped my bone. on the human’s bare foot. they did not enjoy this. and i don’t know how to tell them. i’m so sorry,121294,10061,
Tue Jun 26 14:55:30 +0000 2018,1011623998092804098,gooooob morning. i was watching from the window. as the human left to go do whatever they do. and i guess they saw me. because they ran back inside. to give a few extra pats. before leaving again,121661,11265,
Tue Jun 26 00:51:11 +0000 2018,1011411516002742272,sometimes. you have to spin in circles. to appreciate all that’s around you,138871,32532,
Sun Jun 24 16:36:11 +0000 2018,1010924557627154432,on the walk today. we stumbled across a playground. i learned that slides only work one way. and the human carried my fren. up to the highest part there. i bet they could see. the whole world,79982,6675,
Fri Jun 22 16:10:04 +0000 2018,1010193210826637313,cancer. doesn’t stand a chance. you got this harper https://t.co/F280jteT3Y,53744,5506,
Wed Jun 20 21:25:15 +0000 2018,1009547752466984961,some people say it must be nice. to not know of all the bad stuff in the world. but that’s not true. i know it’s there. how else could i be the perfect antidote,87809,12088,
Tue Jun 19 14:59:12 +0000 2018,1009088211677786113,gooooob morning. i am going to have. a great day. i haven’t figured out how yet. but that’s not important,103608,21982,
Mon Jun 18 01:48:56 +0000 2018,1008526949248110592,i caught my tail today. it wasn’t for long. but i did it. my stuffed fren sebastian saw it happen. and he can vouch for me,103326,8760,
Sat Jun 16 20:55:35 +0000 2018,1008090737240571904,the human is hosting a get together this evening. and i am told there will be snacks. so my goal. will be to convince every single guest. that i have not eaten. in several weeks,181952,27600,
Thu Jun 14 18:43:12 +0000 2018,1007332643887898631,the human is working from the household today. so my mission so far. has been to allow as little work. as possible,82101,6809,
Wed Jun 13 01:17:19 +0000 2018,1006707052624990209,sometimes. the human presses their noggin against mine. to figure out what i’m thinking. so i just think really hard. about how much i love them. and hope they figure it out,397487,79689,
Mon Jun 11 13:12:38 +0000 2018,1006162292273229824,gooooob morning. the human made pancakes. for the first time in a long time. they even saved one. for my fren and i to split. the only problem. was that i ate my piece so fast. i didn’t even taste it,116658,10316,
Mon Jun 11 01:24:47 +0000 2018,1005984154859851781,nighttime has arrived. the long snoozle can be ignored no longer. please send all snugs dogward,70844,6654,
Thu Jun 07 22:04:00 +0000 2018,1004846461790638081,we met a very kind human. who told me i was good. during our afternoon walk. i'm circling them slowly. to trap them with my leash. and when i succeed. they'll have to finish the walk with us. that's the law,94509,9022,
Wed Jun 06 13:38:12 +0000 2018,1004356784881053696,gooooob morning. the human has a big day today. so i lent them my stuffed fren sebastian. he believes in everyone,96408,8694,
Mon Jun 04 17:33:18 +0000 2018,1003691175453384710,something. you may not realize you’re allowed to do. is take a snoozle. and then when you wake up. immediately start another one,92524,14379,
Sat Jun 02 17:18:38 +0000 2018,1002962706612277248,WE ARE IN THE CAR. NOT SURE WHERE WE’RE HEADED. BUT THE WINDOWS ARE DOWN. AND I’M EATING THE WIND,148365,19374,
Thu May 31 22:35:47 +0000 2018,1002317744212250625,i saw the small neighbor wizard. playing outside again. i immediately trotted over. with my stuffed fren sebastian. so i could politely ask them. to make him magic,63597,4953,
Wed May 30 13:50:48 +0000 2018,1001823243475587074,gooooob morning. i was still sleepy. when we started the sunrise walk. i only took a few steps. before hopping in the wagon with my fren. it was only the human who walked. which was more than fine with us. and definitely not against any rules. don’t worry. i checked,62851,4166,
Tue May 29 21:22:38 +0000 2018,1001574561287168002,a ladybug has infiltrated the household. it doesn’t seem to want any trouble. maybe it was just lonely. i shall follow it around. slowly and carefully. because i’m a little lonely too,95630,10360,
Mon May 28 01:19:28 +0000 2018,1000909385747574785,"hi. this will only take a moment. but it’s very important. so listen closely 

i love you",115011,22241,
Sat May 26 16:24:28 +0000 2018,1000412363789619201,one of the small neighbor humans. was outside. blowing magic rainbow spheres. so of course i went over to investigate. i know they were magic. because every time i tried to catch one. it disappeared. i have since concluded. that this small neighbor human. is a wizard,141045,22942,
Fri May 25 01:29:49 +0000 2018,999824826964631552,sometimes. it’s easy to tell. that the human’s life is hard. but that’s okay. because i have cuddles. and i’m not going anywhere,111670,19766,
Thu May 24 00:06:36 +0000 2018,999441498411339777,a pup a day. keeps all the sadness away https://t.co/FFYtPlboTm,14191,1065,
Tue May 22 19:50:17 +0000 2018,999014606994583553,i sneezed. and both my ears went inside out. the household alert level. has been set to very dark grey. i don’t deserve this,71366,6752,
Mon May 21 13:03:15 +0000 2018,998549784096116736,gooooob morning. i found a spot outside. where the sun breaks through the trees. and creates a perfectly toasty paradise. today has potential,90580,9509,
Mon May 21 00:38:00 +0000 2018,998362235968937984,"i watched from the window. as the neighbor pup. walked up and down the street with their human. for the first time. they hopped and zoomed and got impressively tangled. 

in other words. they did so well",57750,3959,
Sun May 20 00:58:29 +0000 2018,998005004089876480,the human’s fren has arrived. when they opened the door. i was waiting with a shoe. as a gift. that nobody can prove was stolen. it must be family movie night,54096,3640,
Fri May 18 18:04:50 +0000 2018,997538517084491776,the human came home early. and gave me the biggest hug. i’m not sure how they knew i wanted one,98860,12249,
Thu May 17 16:00:20 +0000 2018,997144797667262466,i’m going to wear it. every time a car pulls into the driveway. to turn around. and not to say hi to me https://t.co/GythR4drvn,17280,1000,
Thu May 17 00:33:55 +0000 2018,996911655438241792,the funny thing about your attention. is that. i need it,103493,25449,
Wed May 16 00:32:33 +0000 2018,996548926986694661,it is sky boom season. so if anyone needs me. i’ll be hiding in the bathtub. with my stuffed fren sebastian,77906,8251,
Tue May 15 14:35:02 +0000 2018,996398554871746560,gooooob morning. the sun is shining. the birbs are chirping. and my tail thuds. echo through the household. as the human rubs my belly,66763,7288,
Mon May 14 19:22:51 +0000 2018,996108600237002754,i just started my shift. watching the skittle under the fridge. part of me thinks. it may never move. but then again. what if it does,68959,6705,
Sun May 13 17:40:11 +0000 2018,995720372803833856,i heard. that today is about the moms. and although i technically adopted. my stuffed fren sebastian. i still hope. he got me something nice,97698,9118,
Thu May 10 23:35:31 +0000 2018,994722634507128833,i finally said hi to the new neighbors. i took my stuffed fren sebastian with me. to break the ice of course. the new neighbor pup seemed to like him. and one of the small humans. gave me a hug. i think it went well,94605,7101,
Wed May 09 23:15:53 +0000 2018,994355304014974977,the human went over. and said hi to the new neighbors. then returned to inform me. that they have several small humans. and if i were to say hi. i would have to be. very gentle,87287,6798,
Tue May 08 17:18:36 +0000 2018,993903003357892609,WE HAVE NEW NEIGHBORS. THEY ARE UNPACKING AND OH MY GOODNESS. THEY HAVE A PUP FREN. I REPEAT THEY HAVE A PUP. WE HAVE A NEW NEIGHBOR PUP FREN,98723,7415,
Mon May 07 13:41:07 +0000 2018,993485883725709314,gooooob morning. i just completed. a series of elaborate stretchems. the world isn’t ready for me,75892,8773,
Sun May 06 17:20:24 +0000 2018,993178681567842304,it was raining during our walk today. but that’s alright. the human brought an umbrella. and i hopped in a puddle,56737,4014,
Fri May 04 17:48:34 +0000 2018,992460994516520961,where is the car. i would like a word with it https://t.co/ZC3wj0zAR8,40864,4120,
Fri May 04 03:12:30 +0000 2018,992240525578309632,the human hasn’t smiled much today. and i’m not sure why. but i have a squeaker toy that looks like a cupcake. and i am coming. to the rescue,213033,33656,
Thu May 03 02:21:04 +0000 2018,991865192395964423,i have just completed. my final security lap around the household. all is well. ready your snoozles. the nighttime is here,83867,8270,
Mon Apr 30 23:34:41 +0000 2018,991098546815414272,we went on a big walk. i was even allowed to bring. my stuffed fren sebastian. he sat in the wagon with my other fren. while i navigated.. when the household became visible. on the way back. the human unhooked my leash. and i ran the rest of the way. i was so speedy,80717,6317,
Mon Apr 30 20:56:21 +0000 2018,991058699136401409,THE HUMAN IS HOME EARLY. THIS IS QUITE UNEXPECTED. THE GARAGE DOOR IS OPENING. MY TAIL IS BLURRY. AND YOU BET. MY FEETS ARE A TIPPY TAPPIN,167963,23843,
Sun Apr 29 18:20:48 +0000 2018,990657164204236801,a human stopped by the household. with a package. so i met them at the door. with my favorite bone. ready to barter. but they just smiled at me. left the package. and drove away,61170,4855,
Fri Apr 27 18:32:16 +0000 2018,989935274980462592,kendal my fren. it is not good. to hold in your emotions https://t.co/8sP0iYmLls,26729,2362,
Thu Apr 26 23:42:13 +0000 2018,989650888397676550,the human and the human’s fren. are going to the movies tonight. and once again. my fren and i were not invited. not even my stuffed fren sebastian. was asked to go. oh well. we will have our own infinity war. with toilet paper. and whatever shoes we can find,87939,12828,
Wed Apr 25 02:24:12 +0000 2018,988966877106917377,sometimes. after a passionate bork. my tooth can get stuck. on the outside of my mouth. and i become way less intimidating. than is ideal,69050,7153,
Mon Apr 23 15:09:57 +0000 2018,988434811340681217,gooooob morning. i tried to eat a flower. but the human saw me. before i got a taste. i have no excuse for my actions. it just looked yummy,91847,11266,
Mon Apr 23 01:42:15 +0000 2018,988231546061688832,i think. something we’ve been overlooking. for some time now. is that i love you,74478,11377,
Fri Apr 20 18:41:31 +0000 2018,987400887906852865,it is better to zoom. and tear something. than to never zoom at all https://t.co/pMSaJYLRow,47395,4630,
Thu Apr 19 01:12:10 +0000 2018,986774421116473344,you have a legal obligation. to let me rest my noggin. in your lap. whenever i so desire. it’s the law,100035,13778,
Tue Apr 17 19:10:42 +0000 2018,986321069945606144,sometimes. certain areas of the floor can be tastier. than others. this has been a puplick surface announcement,88479,11394,
Sun Apr 15 15:46:38 +0000 2018,985544938363514880,i encountered a tiny human. at the park today. who happened to have a stick. which i desired greatly. they seemed to know this. because they did not relinquish it to me. until i gave them a hug,63599,5194,
Fri Apr 13 14:52:26 +0000 2018,984806521459675142,gooooob morning. before the human left the household today. they promised my fren and i. they’d come home early. so we can go on a family adventure. i shall wait by the door. until that time,86294,7194,
Wed Apr 11 15:55:07 +0000 2018,984097523198504961,gooooob morning. i have a feeling. today will be a good day. and if it’s not. well that’s alright too. because there’s always tomorrow. and there’s always peanut butter,76569,17686,
Tue Apr 10 22:19:45 +0000 2018,983831930834685952,the human rolled a ball. right by my snoot. signaling the start of playtime. but there’s no time for that. i have way more important things going on right now. like monitoring this skittle. under the fridge,58180,6003,
Tue Apr 10 01:59:41 +0000 2018,983524890312617984,"i have a very important message. it is of the highest priority. and it requires. your immediate. undivided attention

i love you",109184,22893,
Mon Apr 09 16:50:05 +0000 2018,983386579216543744,on the walk this morning. we passed our neighbor. who knelt down. to say i am a very good dog. my human interrupted and said. they tell me that all the time. i quickly glanced back to indicate. that they should. let this new person tell me,76089,7930,
Sat Apr 07 03:07:43 +0000 2018,982454849605320705,the human and i. decided to watch a movie together. they kept getting annoyed though. because apparently. i fell asleep. during all the good parts,45552,3169,
Thu Apr 05 02:20:08 +0000 2018,981718099241074689,the night snoozle is upon us once more. i’ve tucked my stuffed fren sebastian. under my chin. he’s afraid of the dark. but i will protect him. no matter what,60596,5887,
Wed Apr 04 19:37:05 +0000 2018,981616666151981056,when i’m standing in the doorway. unsure whether to venture outside. or remain inside. please do not rush me.. trust me,52827,5283,
Tue Apr 03 22:02:29 +0000 2018,981290871583887361,i was enjoying myself on the porch. when a gust of wind. smacked me in the face. i lost complete control of both ears. for what seemed like an eternity. i’m still. quite frazzled,90071,9445,
Tue Apr 03 00:32:50 +0000 2018,980966317955088389,i really want a cape. i think it would. make my zooms. much more distinguished. i would secure the admiration of the neighborhood. in an instant,71219,8456,
Mon Apr 02 01:36:45 +0000 2018,980620017732636672,"today. i wasn’t a very good dog

april fools. i was so good",357897,68289,
Sat Mar 31 23:34:51 +0000 2018,980226952639508482,the human has discovered. that they enjoy. lightly poking my cheek. i don’t know why that is. but i let it happen. because i see how happy. it makes them,65329,6829,
Fri Mar 30 16:20:21 +0000 2018,979755217230155776,bruce. do not worry my fren. nothing can stop you. and that is one fancy red coat https://t.co/gzCqRnR7dZ,60377,7340,
Thu Mar 29 14:09:53 +0000 2018,979359996449382400,gooooob morning. the human has this device. that removes my hair. from their nice clothes. in several swift rolls. i have stolen it. and now. i must destroy it,81784,9604,
Thu Mar 29 02:02:06 +0000 2018,979176842128130048,i didn’t do. much of anything today. but that’s alright. it’s best to stay consistent,81477,19480,
Tue Mar 27 03:08:37 +0000 2018,978468806828969985,i had already commenced my night snoozle. when the human decided they were hungry. according to the law. i am awarded a small portion. of whatever food is made. this is called. a dark snackum,103011,13922,
Sun Mar 25 14:19:43 +0000 2018,977912918955225088,gooooob morning. we just got back from a magical walk. it was chilly. but if you zoom periodically. it gets warmer. the human put extra blankets. in the wagon for my fren. who was in charge of navigation. we were a force. to be reckoned with,68033,5995,
Fri Mar 23 17:32:50 +0000 2018,977236744981614592,if we’re being really honest. i think. we should celebrate puppies. every day. just a thought,91737,22634,
Thu Mar 22 22:42:36 +0000 2018,976952311342878720,i don’t mind the vacuum. but i certainly. don’t trust it,60063,6937,
Wed Mar 21 01:59:03 +0000 2018,976276974090899458,i know. you’ve got a lot going on right now. but guess what. i love you,98832,25876,
Mon Mar 19 19:13:05 +0000 2018,975812419388952581,sometimes. when i’m outside. performing my obligatory yard shenanigans. the human will call me. but i pretend not to hear them. so the shenanigans. may continue,125354,18574,
Sun Mar 18 18:30:17 +0000 2018,975439260496121856,i’ve learned that many things in life. are unpredictable. one thing that is not. is my ability. to fit in your lap,54510,6746,
Fri Mar 16 14:47:48 +0000 2018,974658496561123328,gooooob morning. i was performing. the morning security lap. around the household. when i tripped on a chord.. at the exact same time. in a seemingly unrelated event. a lamp fell off the table and broke. there is no way to confirm. what caused this,92342,11926,
Thu Mar 15 02:11:07 +0000 2018,974105684416622592,sometimes. when i can’t fall asleep. i’ll pull my stuffed fren sebastain closer. and think about. all the wondrous landscapes. i’ve yet to zoom across,56941,5668,
Tue Mar 13 17:29:42 +0000 2018,973612074457796608,there is an easy way to tell. if i would like. a belly rub. and it’s that i do,61048,7226,
Mon Mar 12 13:14:04 +0000 2018,973185356966367232,the mission for the morning. is a maximum delay. of the human’s departure. with the help of my fren. we shall execute. the illustrious. double shoe heist.. it is exactly. what it sounds like,53942,5754,
Sun Mar 11 15:31:27 +0000 2018,972857541418995713,"gooooob morning. today is a day. to reflect upon. your latest accomplishments. here are mine:

4. big jump
b. zooms of the speedy variety
1. carried stick
9. borked away. evildoers 
2. big leap (different than a jump}
2. ate a funny bug
d. spit out funny bug
7. loved everything",125393,22532,
Fri Mar 09 20:23:57 +0000 2018,972206374976475136,I HEAR THE GARAGE DOOR. IT IS OPENING. THE HUMAN IS HOME EARLY. MY FEETS. ARE A TIPPY TAPPIN,171613,25619,
Wed Mar 07 15:56:03 +0000 2018,971414181839867904,i am certain. i buried a bone. in this exact spot last week. but i just dug it up. and did not find. the bone in question.. i don’t know what to believe anymore. there is only one explanation. the yard. is haunted,46287,4532,
Mon Mar 05 16:19:27 +0000 2018,970695294278078464,i was all ready. for a lovely. relaxing walk this morning. when the human decided. we were going to run. the whole thing. i did not consent to this. and i feel like. i’m gonna die,87922,11989,
Fri Mar 02 17:46:59 +0000 2018,969630159073619968,lily. if you don't get better soon. i'm sure there's a way. we can share. my lungs https://t.co/wIjFI5PQ4c,36097,4119,
Fri Mar 02 15:07:14 +0000 2018,969589956380430336,gooooob morning. do not forget to perform. your post snoozle stretchems. they are a crucial part. of anyone's success,50762,7056,
Thu Mar 01 00:51:27 +0000 2018,969012204732403713,i have the late shift. watching the skittle. under the fridge tonight. i closed my eyes to yawn. and i think it moved. but i'm not sure. so you can imagine. the kind of stress. i am under,57985,6334,
Tue Feb 27 09:40:28 +0000 2018,968420559569735680,i had a nightmare. that i was playing. with my stuffed fren sebastian. outside. and the wind blew him away. i'm not sure how the human knew. about the nightmare. but now they're on the ground. cuddling with me,65557,5916,
Sat Feb 24 17:26:25 +0000 2018,967450657417506816,i acted. like i needed to go to the bathroom. but actually. i just wanted to feel the raindrops. on my noggin,80731,9019,
Fri Feb 23 02:26:30 +0000 2018,966861796157153280,the human. took away my stuffed fren sebastian. for the night. apparently. he needs to be washed again. but i found out where this happens. and i shall commence my snoozle. right next to the spinny bath. so neither of us. are alone,73629,8178,
Thu Feb 22 17:29:19 +0000 2018,966726612006916096,sometimes. i get very excited. and all i want to do. is wag my tail. but every single time. it is my whole body. that wags,64862,9117,
Thu Feb 22 01:56:19 +0000 2018,966491815003246597,many have told me. how good i am. but let me just say. they’re absolutely right,45312,6378,
Tue Feb 20 18:15:12 +0000 2018,966013381562990593,there are toasty sun beams. coming through the windows. and i will soak in them. until i’m physically relocated. or i burst into flames,50073,7223,
Mon Feb 19 20:55:31 +0000 2018,965691338946641920,just finished. my mid afternoon snoozle. my schedule is now wide open. until dusk. when i will perform. the daily back wiggle,43144,4021,
Mon Feb 19 00:02:09 +0000 2018,965375918490439680,the human yawned. while having dinner. and in that time. my fren stole a french fry.. while i do not condone. such actions. i am wildly impressed,50712,4637,
Sat Feb 17 17:51:18 +0000 2018,964920203267190784,just give me. a long stretch of hardwood floor. with a slice of cheese. at the end. and i’ll show you speed skating,52170,8275,
Thu Feb 15 22:31:51 +0000 2018,964266031433814017,"the human and i. have decided. that angels don’t have wings. they have vests. and are covered in fur 
https://t.co/mnV4Uswsub",80857,17886,
Thu Feb 15 01:41:41 +0000 2018,963951417001115650,the human. and the human’s fren. are all dressed up to go out. and once again. my fren and i. don’t seem to be invited.. the good news is. i jumped on them both. so pieces of me. will be tagging along. whether they like it. or not,61952,6802,
Wed Feb 14 16:19:47 +0000 2018,963810010496192512,gooooob morning. i want to formally declare. that my stuffed fren sebastian. is my valentine. there are never before seen. levels of snugs. in his future,55089,6844,
Tue Feb 13 23:27:25 +0000 2018,963555238480297984,"i. have two walking speeds. they are as follows.. faster than you. and 
completely. immobile",54516,6750,
Tue Feb 13 03:33:04 +0000 2018,963254671086374914,something. i’ve been thinking about. for a while. is that i love you,56190,10778,
Mon Feb 12 01:10:52 +0000 2018,962856496785739776,the human’s fren came over. and made the mistake. of sitting on the floor. now they must stay there. with me in their lap. for eternity. that is the law,77309,10274,
Sun Feb 11 03:39:26 +0000 2018,962531498061651968,i encourage everyone. to pet the pup. at whatever party you attend tonight. they’re working overtime. and deserve undivided attention,62458,8677,
Fri Feb 09 02:53:38 +0000 2018,961795196571865088,the humans on the tv. are pretty good. but i can do a triple spin. too.. it’s before i lie down. and never on ice. but still,59141,8319,
Thu Feb 08 16:25:22 +0000 2018,961637087719108608,gooooob morning. i am already. several hours into my skittle watching shift. there is no movement. to report so far.. i did however. hear the fridge make new cube water. perhaps this is a warning. of impending battle,46389,4406,
Wed Feb 07 18:04:04 +0000 2018,961299536147869696,our walk today. was rather wet. my fren stayed in his wagon. under a blanket. while i endured the elements,33923,2299,
Tue Feb 06 02:27:17 +0000 2018,960701402191486976,sometimes. when my fren commences the night snoozle. before me. i will rest my chin. on his noggin. to encourage. sweet dreams,58009,6861,
Mon Feb 05 00:22:43 +0000 2018,960307664998862849,there are many humans. in the household. and i will not rest. until every single one. has dropped a chip. in my honor,46480,4983,
Sun Feb 04 02:22:08 +0000 2018,959975328847421440,sometimes. there’s a fellow pup. on the tv. and i try to tell them. i enjoy their work. but they never hear me,53078,5898,
Thu Feb 01 20:05:19 +0000 2018,959155725703503872,occasionally. if i see a car come down the street. i will trot swiftly. across the household. while letting out. tiny half borks.. this is to warn the car. that i am to be taken. seriously,74448,9850,
Thu Feb 01 02:17:33 +0000 2018,958887012882411521,we are working on. the shake. which is an advanced move. that requires balance. trust. and more importantly. an intense understanding of unwritten contracts,38444,4149,
Tue Jan 30 20:06:09 +0000 2018,958431159943344128,on my calendar for today. it says. peanut butter. with no further instructions. i accept this challenge,50444,5861,
Mon Jan 29 15:34:04 +0000 2018,958000298668232707,"gooooob morning. i made. some love cards

https://t.co/g8UJshEfIv https://t.co/y1tzj7On2s",29385,3264,
Sat Jan 27 22:51:22 +0000 2018,957385573571944455,i had a long talk. with my fren. about how to spot. a fake ball throw. the optimal strategy. is to follow the ball. with your eyes. instead of your heart,308553,63561,
Fri Jan 26 17:40:19 +0000 2018,956944907205337088,otis. i too. have zoomed purely out of passion. you will persevere. and return stronger than ever https://t.co/6oERlzPQIw,24907,2081,
Thu Jan 25 01:37:34 +0000 2018,956340232902897669,the human. spent all day. doing various things. to various foods. there was frustration. and some spills. but i helped with both. just by being there.. i didn’t realize. until the human’s fren came over. that it was all for them. and it didn’t matter. if the food was good. or not,38352,3330,
Wed Jan 24 03:22:52 +0000 2018,956004345031557120,"please take note. of the following..
i love you",56288,12905,
Tue Jan 23 17:37:00 +0000 2018,955856906202918912,one time. during a walk. a piece of a bagel. landed right in front of me. the human thinks. a birb dropped it. but i didn’t see a birb.. every time. we return to that spot. i glance up. with the hopes that. another tasty magic bagel drop. happens to me,52996,5498,
Mon Jan 22 16:04:58 +0000 2018,955471357315289089,gooooob morning. the human has left. my fren is monitoring. the skittle under the fridge. and i am on a mission. to find. the most comfortable spot. in every room. of the household,45639,4131,
Sat Jan 20 21:50:32 +0000 2018,954833546941730817,all these snoozles. can get exhausting.. it is a vicious cycle. of peanut butter filled. pseudo-consciousness,27275,2688,
Fri Jan 19 16:35:45 +0000 2018,954391940748972033,after every snoozle. there is a stretchem. one cannot occur. without the other. i don’t make the rules,55585,7801,
Wed Jan 17 15:59:15 +0000 2018,953657982461628416,gooooob morning. the fancy rain. is still falling.. i consulted. my stuffed fren sebastian. and we determined. that today is for snoozles. and nothing else,66398,9619,
Mon Jan 15 17:54:59 +0000 2018,952962332820418561,my fren. has carefully selected. his bone for the day. the problem. is that now i want that bone. and yes. there are plenty. of other bones. in the household. with identical attributes. but none of them compare. to the bone. my fren has right now,43595,4330,
Mon Jan 15 02:41:07 +0000 2018,952732346884780033,sometimes. the human gets sad. and i don’t know why. but if i jump. in their lap. and stay there. i can usually fix it,152218,28805,
Sun Jan 14 02:01:01 +0000 2018,952359871411904513,i understand. that my feets. must be dried. before i re-enter the household. but you are mistaken. if you think. i won’t run around. with the towel. afterwards,55962,6422,
Fri Jan 12 23:49:23 +0000 2018,951964356681568256,the human. and the human’s fren. got dressed up all fancy. to go out tonight. and apparently. i wasn’t invited.. it is not my fault. i can’t tie a tie,57902,7512,
Fri Jan 12 18:22:55 +0000 2018,951882195148398593,duncan. you will beat this. and i love you https://t.co/tsA6LqQKCa,18660,1819,
Fri Jan 12 02:46:11 +0000 2018,951646460860358658,after today’s. ear related calamity. i have vowed not to make. any sudden movements. without human supervision,28288,1922,
Thu Jan 11 19:04:19 +0000 2018,951530227909496833,my ear. is inside out. and the human. is not home to fix it. i have put the household. on alert level. dark grey.,88836,14136,
Thu Jan 11 02:40:33 +0000 2018,951282654414036992,my stuffed fren. sebastian. is always honest with me. when i tell him my ideas. for example. i told him my idea. for dog pants. that have a never ending supply. of peanut butter. in each pocket. but he said. that wouldn’t be. very practical,39674,3919,
Wed Jan 10 03:40:14 +0000 2018,950935287609413633,today. i fell asleep. while i was supposed to be. watching the skittle. under the fridge.. i’m aware that my actions. go against. the household moral code. and will accept my punishment. of reduced couch-bound snoozles. in the morning,37395,3132,
Mon Jan 08 19:58:49 +0000 2018,950456779166674947,a nice human. came to the household. to install some carpet. on the stairs.. to thank them. for the extra traction. i contributed. my close presence. the entire time,50804,4428,
Mon Jan 08 17:52:37 +0000 2018,950425020194574336,i will order some. for the human. and make them put it on. every morning. before they leave https://t.co/B3E9coeMWa,8436,574,
Sun Jan 07 22:18:37 +0000 2018,950129573525704705,the human. is hosting a get together. this evening. and my job. is to greet the guests. without jumping on them.. a nearly. impossible task,99414,13628,
Sat Jan 06 20:11:41 +0000 2018,949735242096693249,it took until today. for the human. to remove the tree. (basically. big stick] from the household. yet i. still can’t bring any of my favorite sticks. inside. the hypocrisy. is overwhelming,61885,9464,
Sat Jan 06 17:52:16 +0000 2018,949700155003023360,it is. way too chilly. to exit the household. i would like. indoor bathroom accommodations. pronto,39856,4051,
Thu Jan 04 21:02:11 +0000 2018,949023175219834880,i get. the majority. of my work done. between my midday snoozle. and my early afternoon snoozle.. for example. today during that time. i rolled onto my back. and wiggled a bit,49348,5792,
Wed Jan 03 14:20:07 +0000 2018,948559602580361216,gooooob morning. i have stolen. the human’s shoe. in an attempt to. seriously delay. or prevent their departure. entirely,58534,7207,
Tue Jan 02 03:35:02 +0000 2018,948034876560891904,i have performed. the security lap. around the household.. all is well. ready your snugs. snoozetown awaits,47629,5254,
Mon Jan 01 01:05:12 +0000 2018,947634781428346881,"i heard. something about. making resolutions. and although i’m perfect. i have a few:

4. more peanut butter
b. increase. zoom efficiency
3. improve my sits
1. convince the human. i’m invisible
4. longer snoozles
f. sticks
2. more peanut butter
7. further turn up. the love dial",107783,24671,
Sun Dec 31 15:46:58 +0000 2017,947494295296266241,gooooob morning. i decided. to congratulate the human. on a good snoozle. with some toilet paper. what i do is. i nibble at the roll. until i secure the end piece. then i run around. like the wind. until it’s all gone.. i hope they like it,41465,4420,
Sat Dec 30 23:09:09 +0000 2017,947243186392616961,the afternoon walk. was very chilly. i made. the executive decision. to quit halfway. and get in the wagon. with my fren. there is no law against this. in the walking rulebook. i checked,41481,3553,
Fri Dec 29 19:20:55 +0000 2017,946823361484685312,the human and i. watched it. together https://t.co/hZnoXbIx2w,18439,2381,
Fri Dec 29 04:59:48 +0000 2017,946606655676059650,the human’s fren. came over. for movie night. but the movie ended. hours ago. i’m usually woken up. around this time. to say goobbye.. i guess they’re trying. a duo snoozle,38987,2858,
Thu Dec 28 00:54:15 +0000 2017,946182473645543426,i was playing. tug of war. with the human. and they scratched my ear. this distraction. was my downfall. and should be. against the law,59204,7767,
Wed Dec 27 01:26:54 +0000 2017,945828303042162688,things have calmed down. in the household. apparently. the house tree. only brings gifts once. so we spent the day. painting flames. on the fren’s wagon. so it looks like. he’s going much faster. than he is.. that was my idea,43116,3683,
Mon Dec 25 15:19:48 +0000 2017,945313130388828160,the human. brought everyone outside. except my fren. who was told to sit and stay. for a moment. we gathered around. the human’s surprise. then called him.. it is the best wagon ever. the human tested it. with me a few times. and let me say. the fren. will love walks. once again,29277,2232,
Mon Dec 25 14:17:31 +0000 2017,945297458934026240,gooooob morning. the house tree. brought gifts. and now. i must remind everyone. that i. am the real gift here,97017,21424,
Sat Dec 23 17:06:03 +0000 2017,944615097216962562,when i awoke. my stuffed fren sebastian. was all cuddled up with me. i brought him closer. and commenced a second snoozle. to make up. for lost dreams,47994,4771,
Sat Dec 23 03:18:46 +0000 2017,944406904671035398,the human took. my stuffed fren sebastian. away. they said he needed. to be washed. and that i could. have him back. in the morning. but that’s a long time. from now.. what if i get lonely,50273,5238,
Fri Dec 22 18:56:19 +0000 2017,944280458128478208,clifford. do not worry. that wiggle. will be corrected. in no time https://t.co/ZlTE8dmL6f,21953,1994,
Fri Dec 22 05:50:26 +0000 2017,944082683193450496,i was deep in snoozle. when the fridge. decided we needed. more cube water.. i checked cube levels. earlier today. that’s the last thing. we need right now,41833,4750,
Thu Dec 21 14:37:35 +0000 2017,943852956499300357,gooooob morning. the human finished. the surprise in the garage. for my fren. but told me. that i must. keep it a secret. a little while longer.. this will be difficult. because all i have. to take. my mind off telling him. is this skittle. under the fridge,35231,3033,
Wed Dec 20 04:13:56 +0000 2017,943333620483313665,the human. just got home. i have no idea. where they’ve been. but in their absence. they’ll be proud to see. that i took it. upon myself. to redistribute. all the footwear. i could find. throughout the household. because i decided. that was. my duty,64084,8285,
Mon Dec 18 17:42:49 +0000 2017,942812408162279424,i have just discovered. a little me. hanging on. the house tree. he is. unbelievably handsome. and i will protect him. at all costs,53063,6628,
Sun Dec 17 02:57:20 +0000 2017,942227183665369089,the human’s fren. is over.. they sat on the floor. and let me snuggle up. in their lap. the human must be. so jealous,40113,3426,
Fri Dec 15 14:33:59 +0000 2017,941677724057456640,gooooob morning. it got quite chilly. on our walk. so the human. lent me their earmuffs. all the passersby. complimented. these cozy ears,48052,5360,
Thu Dec 14 20:13:51 +0000 2017,941400864148938753,please find. your entertainment. elsewhere https://t.co/WtTMo935eT,123372,26857,
Thu Dec 14 02:44:31 +0000 2017,941136793696694272,i have successfully removed. some of the tiny lights. from the house tree. i bet the human. has never seen. an indoor zoom. with such radiance,37189,4421,
Wed Dec 13 03:47:23 +0000 2017,940790227349753856,the human. is cheering at the tv. must be. the sports again,41632,5970,
Wed Dec 13 00:36:30 +0000 2017,940742189826617345,i spend. my valuable time. attempting to smuggle. measly sticks. into this household. now the human thinks. they can just. bring a whole tree in. under the cover. of my snoozle. i don’t think so,30315,5279,
Wed Dec 13 00:29:11 +0000 2017,940740347583483904,there is a tree. in the household. i went to take. my late afternoon snoozle. and i come back. now there’s a tree.. who approved of this. i didn’t. is this. one of many? what depths. does this tree army reach. where is the human. i have questions,37273,5493,
Mon Dec 11 15:27:57 +0000 2017,940241753705238528,gooooob morning. did you know. that if one sits. very well. and looks up at the human. with a straight face. the human will be forced. to stay home. an extra few minutes. and give attention,68128,9925,
Sun Dec 10 20:25:20 +0000 2017,939954205950914561,remember. when that leaf. fell on my noggin. and i became emperor. of the yard. well.. even though. the leaves are done falling. i want to clarify. i haven’t yet. relinquished the throne,40097,4807,
Sun Dec 10 00:20:15 +0000 2017,939650937035067392,i. have been on skittle watch. all day. and guess what. it hasn’t moved. i almost. grrborked at it. in frustration. but i’m afraid. it could. retaliate,29040,3039,
Sat Dec 09 01:48:47 +0000 2017,939310827085205504,it’s movie night. once again.. the human’s fren. came over. the human built their first fire. and i helped. make the pupcorn.. the whole gang. is snug on the couch. including. my stuffed fren. sebastian. who always falls asleep. before the film. even starts,44072,4612,
Fri Dec 08 16:32:47 +0000 2017,939170905032462336,the human. stayed home today. to work on the surprise. in the garage. they let me take a peek. because it’s actually. a surprise. for my fren. and i’m very good. at keeping secrets,22856,1571,
Thu Dec 07 16:54:46 +0000 2017,938814049558593536,the human says. there are two options.. inside or outside. but if they would. elevate their mindset. they would uncover. a third option: stand. in the doorway. and sniff the air,132129,28993,
Wed Dec 06 22:40:51 +0000 2017,938538756793135105,the human came home. and immediately. started making. all sorts of commotion. in the garage. my fren and i. wanted to help. but the human said. what they’re doing. is a surprise,16935,1145,
Wed Dec 06 16:57:09 +0000 2017,938452262854234112,bentley. listen closely. you got this https://t.co/DmjWmCQa2E,26093,3223,
Tue Dec 05 01:47:45 +0000 2017,937861017522114579,let me tell you. about. my stuffed fren. sebastian.. he is. my sidekick pal. and i take him everywhere. he has the floppiest ears. and a long skinny snoot. his arm fell off once. but the human fixed it. he always agrees with me. unless i’m wrong. and without him. i’d be lost,41440,4935,
Sun Dec 03 16:18:10 +0000 2017,937355288616816641,gooooob morning. i found a button. and decided to swallow it. but before i could. the human jumped on me. from like. three rooms away. i guess. this particular button. means a lot to them,52569,7691,
Sat Dec 02 23:59:16 +0000 2017,937108939694657537,the human gets. quite passionate. about the sportsball. on the tv. i usually. bork in agreement. to support them,45431,6901,
Sat Dec 02 00:27:28 +0000 2017,936753649241509893,hi. i have some big news. but it must. remain secret. according to my fren. very soon. everything. will be attacked. by little lights.. a tree. will grow. inside the household.. the rain drops. will get fancier.. and one morning. we open boxes. that contain. your wildest dreams,82921,18134,
Fri Dec 01 04:51:35 +0000 2017,936457727945175040,i. had a nightmare. that the boing sproings. behind the doors. came to life. and started chasing me,28035,3360,
Thu Nov 30 01:45:17 +0000 2017,936048454773518336,my fren. is already snoring. kind of impressive. in a way.. he took the afternoon walk. very slow. stopping to smell. everything he could. i spent that time. wrapping the leash. around the human. as many times. as possible,28496,2493,
Wed Nov 29 02:55:05 +0000 2017,935703634662318080,i always. make sure to say. goobnight. to my stuffed fren. sebastian. even though. he never says it back.. everyone. should be wished. a good night,43383,6149,
Mon Nov 27 23:14:43 +0000 2017,935285787268190208,the human. bought a device. for my bowl. that forces me. to eat slower. do they not understand. that eating at an extreme pace. is the one thing. i truly excel at,39070,4906,
Mon Nov 27 16:33:57 +0000 2017,935184933341007872,gooooob morning. my stuffed fren. sebastian. and i. are on skittle watch duty. until the afternoon snooze. the skittle. i speak of. is under the fridge. and hasn’t moved. ever.. but one day. it could. and that is why. we watch,37676,4691,
Mon Nov 27 01:37:11 +0000 2017,934959254456455170,there’s. a single chair. that the human. told me. i’m not allowed on. why is it special? no idea. but of course. now i want to snooze on it. very bad.. i will slowly climb up. one limb at a time. and hopefully. no one will notice,47912,6055,
Sat Nov 25 02:43:25 +0000 2017,934251146990047232,the human’s fren. is over. once more. they let me. sit in their lap. for a long time. and they played with my ears.. it doesn’t seem like. they have a pup. of their own.. that’s ok. i can be. their pup too,58621,7960,
Fri Nov 24 16:09:11 +0000 2017,934091534311534592,the human. stayed home. today. you know what that means? snuggle. marathon,38107,5348,
Fri Nov 24 02:26:07 +0000 2017,933884404124012545,let me. recap the evening.. i met a ton. of people. who acted. like they knew me. then. i sat under the big table. pleading unsuccessfully. for a snackum. until i found. the seat. of a small human. who was willing to share.. overall. an exhausting day. the night snoozle awaits,86007,12357,
Thu Nov 23 15:23:38 +0000 2017,933717685191442437,gooooob morning. there are already. so many smells happening. today. has potential,47649,9287,
Wed Nov 22 17:45:00 +0000 2017,933390873643094017,i know. how scary. bath time can be. so whenever. the human showers. i make sure. i’m also. in the bathroom.. for solidarity,44336,6482,
Tue Nov 21 03:13:05 +0000 2017,932809062676402182,i think. what’s really important here. is that. i love you,41658,10967,
Mon Nov 20 15:18:46 +0000 2017,932629298007207937,gooooob morning. the human. is off. to do. whatever the human does. and i. am off. to try to fit. my entire foot. in my ear,68821,13157,
Sat Nov 18 16:00:24 +0000 2017,931914997785034752,gooooob morning. a lot happened. on our walk. this morning. i found. a perfectly good waffle. in somebody’s trash. the human. didn’t let me. have it though. there was also. a very frightening. leaf tornado,34798,4228,
Sat Nov 18 02:30:46 +0000 2017,931711246403096576,i. am cuddling. with my stuffed fren. sebastian. and the human. is cuddling. with me.. does that mean. the human. is cuddling. sebastian?,24083,2270,
Fri Nov 17 23:17:50 +0000 2017,931662695769702400,time. is speeding up. don’t believe me? i used. to eat dinner. before it got dark. now i eat dinner. as it’s getting dark. checkmate,25629,3381,
Fri Nov 17 17:25:41 +0000 2017,931574074706407426,one day. kronos. one day. that record. will be yours https://t.co/wbARHYPov9,14213,1441,
Fri Nov 17 03:05:17 +0000 2017,931357544597123072,so you know how. my bed. was shrinking? well. it has remained. pretty much. the same size. for many many snoozles now. perhaps. it’s done shrinking,28143,2713,
Thu Nov 16 16:24:43 +0000 2017,931196342487146497,ok. all is well. the human. came out and almost immediately. found sebastian. mostly. i am grateful. but also. the human. didn’t need to show off like that.. sebastian seems. unharmed. but i think we’re done with. leaves. for the day,16501,1210,
Thu Nov 16 16:11:50 +0000 2017,931193101493985282,i have misplaced. my stuffed fren. sebastian. in the leaves,15384,1255,
Thu Nov 16 16:07:28 +0000 2017,931192001952874496,gooooob morning. my stuffed fren. sebastian. and i. are going to play in the leaves now. it should be. a grand time,21248,1940,
Wed Nov 15 22:52:05 +0000 2017,930931439486586881,whenever. the human. makes a snack. my fren and i. will patiently wait. to be given. a part of said snack. even if we’re not. as long as. the human feels. guilty about it. mission accomplished,29908,4388,
Wed Nov 15 02:15:02 +0000 2017,930620124339605504,it is movie night. and the human. and the human’s fren. are cuddling. on the couch. i will sit at their feet. and stare at them. until. a spot is made. in between them. for me,45598,5800,
Tue Nov 14 19:40:42 +0000 2017,930520885643137024,quick life hack: sticks. are too big. to easily smuggle. into the household. try a woodchip.. thank you. for your time,22395,2504,
Mon Nov 13 17:33:37 +0000 2017,930126518029832192,“while. the human’s away. the dogs. will play” no sir. my fren and i. protect this household. very seriously,40630,6526,
Mon Nov 13 05:25:09 +0000 2017,929943192585240576,i. had a nightmare. and i guess. the human heard me. because now. we’re both. all snugged up. on the floor,34106,3872,
Mon Nov 13 01:41:03 +0000 2017,929886796762230784,sometimes. if a treat. is on the line. i’m asked. to sit.. one last good boy test. but i’m usually. so excited. i can only do. several half sits. i think. those should count,78699,13289,
Sat Nov 11 00:06:40 +0000 2017,929138268737859589,i’m sorry i haven’t. shared my thoughts. recently. i was asleep. and when i wasn’t. i wanted. to be,34412,8419,
Thu Nov 09 03:07:55 +0000 2017,928459104103948289,the human. went out. with their fren. but accidentally. left their coat.. i have turned it. into a blanket. the smell. of the human. somehow makes it. cozier,39625,4565,
Wed Nov 08 17:14:12 +0000 2017,928309693113622528,my day. isn’t too busy. after the midday snooze. i have a meeting. with my stuffed fren. sebastian. about the power. of peanut butter.. also. it’s almost my shift. to watch the skittle. under the fridge,36112,5190,
Wed Nov 08 01:42:32 +0000 2017,928075229401886720,the human. just refilled. our food bowls. thinking that. they forgot to feed. my fren and i. this. is a magical night. second dinner. rules,31666,3884,
Tue Nov 07 01:39:31 +0000 2017,927712083663380481,sometimes. when i’m in need. of attention. (which is. always} i locate. a shoe. take it. and trot by the human. it may take. multiple passes. before the chase. but it never. ever fails,36880,5851,
Mon Nov 06 18:54:12 +0000 2017,927610083802042369,i want. a crown https://t.co/XnwXewF7NN,5618,272,
Mon Nov 06 15:13:35 +0000 2017,927554561572818949,gooooob morning. we took our morning walk. in between. the bursts of rain. BUT. the leftover tree droplets. were still. quite powerful,17232,1317,
Mon Nov 06 01:27:54 +0000 2017,927346771944198144,the human. accepted the sock. and puppreciated. my honestly. we agreed that. i’d need to be monitored. outside. for a bit.. as for my fren. i lent him. my stuffed fren. sebastian. to snuggle. for the evening,19397,1537,
Sun Nov 05 22:26:43 +0000 2017,927301176785334275,after much thought. i have decided. to come forward. regarding. the hole situation. i will. at the same time. return a sock. to the human. that i stole. a long time ago. hopefully. that helps my case. somehow,21860,2249,
Sun Nov 05 21:15:55 +0000 2017,927283357741969409,the human. got mad. at my fren. because a hole. was discovered. in the yard. but it wasn’t my fren. it was me. i don’t know why. i dug it. but it felt good. at the time,25814,2900,
Sun Nov 05 03:36:50 +0000 2017,927016832703266816,goobnight. to all. and to all. a goobnight,16330,2198,
Sat Nov 04 20:38:01 +0000 2017,926911433044058112,"signs. of maximum excite:

2. quick. spinny circles
8. leaps (all kinds}
5. feets. a tippy tappin
c. sustained zooms
1. tail thuddles",35104,6948,
Fri Nov 03 19:16:54 +0000 2017,926528633107369985,sometimes. when the human. isn’t home. i go. to the top of the stairs. and drop my ball. then i race past it. and catch it. at the bottom. i do this. until the ball wins,26830,2985,
Fri Nov 03 01:04:32 +0000 2017,926253729954885632,my fren. is all snuggled up. on the couch. with the human. that’s ok. i have my stuffed fren. sebastian. to keep me company.. all aboard. snoozetown awaits,24881,2502,
Thu Nov 02 15:37:10 +0000 2017,926110946027884549,gooooob morning. my fren and i. found the perfect stick. on our walk. we took turns. carrying it home. BUT ONCE AGAIN. we were denied entry. by the human. until we let it go.. may we meet again,27706,3183,
Thu Nov 02 02:16:17 +0000 2017,925909396818931712,my best trick. is the sit. unless we’re on hardwood. then i excel. at the sit and slide. right now i’m working. on a new trick. it is. not taking. seven naps. in one day,33024,5244,
Wed Nov 01 02:07:18 +0000 2017,925544750295302144,i think. that was the last. of the little monsters. what a night. i received. many noggin pats. and spider-man. gave me. a hug,30040,4219,
Wed Nov 01 00:41:52 +0000 2017,925523249789779968,there are little monsters. at the door. they are allowed. two pieces. of candy. and three. noggin pats. the candy. can of course. be swapped. for more pats,44317,7040,
Tue Oct 31 20:37:17 +0000 2017,925461697464111104,the skittle. under the fridge. that might be. an m&m. still hasn’t moved.. but do not worry. i’ll let everyone know. if it does,18683,2036,
Tue Oct 31 01:32:51 +0000 2017,925173691423506432,i was carrying. my stuffed fren. sebastian. around earlier. and his arm. fell off.. i kept him calm. while the human. performed surgery. i’m proud to announce. sebastian. is whole again. and doing wonderfully,46858,6477,
Sat Oct 28 23:27:38 +0000 2017,924417402582028289,the human. got me. a sailor hat. so i could be. a ship captain. for the party. tonight. this is appropriate. without me. this household. would veer. way off course,35848,5708,
Sat Oct 28 02:31:19 +0000 2017,924101239813693440,a bunch of monsters. have entered the household. i can’t even recognize. my own human. everyone. is rather frenly though. a skeleton. scritched my ear,33534,5257,
Fri Oct 27 16:05:04 +0000 2017,923943641495851008,noah. listen very carefully. you. got this https://t.co/LoH1ZzFU2b,21619,3038,
Fri Oct 27 13:56:58 +0000 2017,923911404301713409,the human believes. they lose their socks. in the washing machine. but oh no. i steal them. way before that,31964,5372,
Thu Oct 26 23:15:45 +0000 2017,923689635389366273,snackum.. has been slipped. first to me. then to. my fren. the life is good,13978,840,
Thu Oct 26 22:20:31 +0000 2017,923675735360987136,the human’s fren. came over. for dinner. this is the final test. if they. slip a snackum. under the table. they are welcome here. for eternity,31438,4308,
Thu Oct 26 01:58:56 +0000 2017,923368315271118848,i hear. a borking. in the distance. this means. i too. must bork. so that everyone knows. i heard. the initial borking. it’s common courtesy,47162,8352,
Wed Oct 25 16:30:41 +0000 2017,923225312112140289,gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary} was just way up. in that tree. next second. he’s in. this other tree. then. he’s over here. then over there. it is becoming. very clear. that gary. {the squirrel. i named. gary) has cloned himself. what seems to be. many times,34289,5534,
Wed Oct 25 02:09:54 +0000 2017,923008688498999296,every night. i make sure to tell. my stuffed fren. sebastian. what we have to do. the next day. because. i always forget.. this. is a bad plan. because sebastian. never remembers. either,28612,3423,
Mon Oct 23 18:07:40 +0000 2017,922524941857251330,wet leaves. don’t crunch. this is. absurd,48817,8947,
Mon Oct 23 13:43:43 +0000 2017,922458516547407873,gooooob morning. it is raining. but the human. was late for work. so i didn’t. have time. to jump. in the puddles. don’t worry though. later today. those puddles. won’t know. what hit em,30967,3884,
Mon Oct 23 03:02:59 +0000 2017,922297270309212166,i’ve become. quite fond. of the human’s fren.. as soon as. they came over tonight. they got on the floor. and let me. tackle them. with my love. i then. winked at my human. to indicate. my pupproval,35034,4000,
Sun Oct 22 15:50:35 +0000 2017,922128056474533888,i have. no plans today. i rescheduled. the meeting. with my fren. about how to prevent. indoor zooming injuries. because. that’s boring,19541,1929,
Sat Oct 21 16:48:16 +0000 2017,921780183648100352,today. is a snuggle day. please set aside. some quality time. for snugs,28041,6723,
Sat Oct 21 00:44:05 +0000 2017,921537541706321920,alright. let me tell you. about our adventure. it started. with a car ride. windows down. tongue out. the whole bit. i swallowed. a sizable bug. but didn’t let that. stop me. we arrived. at a big puddle. the fren and i. did a splish splash. and now we’re home. it was delightful,27842,3366,
Fri Oct 20 20:43:17 +0000 2017,921476941567406081,THE GARAGE DOOR. IS OPENING. MY FEETS. ARE TIPPY TAPPIN. THE HUMAN. IS HOME. IT IS. ADVENTURE TIME,58936,10054,
Fri Oct 20 14:33:52 +0000 2017,921383975901433857,gooooob morning. the human promised. to come home. early. today. that means. adventure time. is coming. the tail is blurry,24149,2745,
Fri Oct 20 01:33:24 +0000 2017,921187561405583361,i want. to wish you all. the goobest. of goobnights,16649,2693,
Thu Oct 19 23:06:13 +0000 2017,921150522333253632,i tripped. going up. the stairs today. fell snoot first. it wasn’t pleasant. my solution.. ban. every stair,22050,2766,
Thu Oct 19 15:11:32 +0000 2017,921031063476035584,the human. has made mountains. out of. the fallen leaves. it is. quite clearly. my destiny. to jump in them,24984,3625,
Wed Oct 18 14:47:46 +0000 2017,920662697842302976,gooooob morning. today. i’m giving. my new stuffed fren. sebastian. a household tour. he will get. to see. everything. from the human snoozle chamber. to the skittle. under the fridge,30197,4028,
Wed Oct 18 03:25:34 +0000 2017,920491012904058880,please. remember. to perform. at least three. goobnight noggin pats. before the night snoozle. it goes. a long way,23295,3112,
Tue Oct 17 17:26:56 +0000 2017,920340362937491458,the human thinks. i won’t get excited. if they say. doubleyouayellkay. instead of. walk. but guess what. i am excited,44445,9297,
Tue Oct 17 03:28:14 +0000 2017,920129296949227520,today. i tried to eat. a fruit roll up. but the human. stopped me. and said. that wouldn’t have been. in my. best interests,23690,2466,
Mon Oct 16 03:06:33 +0000 2017,919761455343456257,earlier today. the human said. that without. my fren and i. they would be nothing. and now. i can’t sleep. because that’s. a lot of pressure,32443,4787,
Sun Oct 15 17:03:58 +0000 2017,919609807174332416,ok. so it turns out. i was lying on him. this whole time. please set. the household alert level. back. to very light grey,19220,1727,
Sun Oct 15 17:00:19 +0000 2017,919608890832179200,i. have misplaced. my new stuffed fren. sebastian. this is not. a drill,21840,2474,
Sat Oct 14 14:09:36 +0000 2017,919203541096517632,we just got back. from the best walk. ever. my fren. set the pace. i found. a delightful stick. and it was. just chilly enough. that we would hurry. to the next spot. where the sun. broke through the trees,23887,2563,
Fri Oct 13 01:36:21 +0000 2017,918651589841313792,let me. set the scene.. the human. is holding my paw. sebastian. is snuggled up. under. my other paw. and the fren. has already commenced. his dream zooms. the night snoozle. fast approaches,16059,1465,
Fri Oct 13 00:28:41 +0000 2017,918634559729750016,earlier today. a complete stranger. told me. that i am very good. my tail. is still wagging,33612,5152,
Wed Oct 11 02:50:01 +0000 2017,917945355219668997,"my favorite. leisurely. activities:

4. snoozles
c. indoor. sun bathing
1. snugs (two person. snoozle}
3. admiring various. sticks
3. walks. with breaks
• outdoor sun bathing
9. staring at. the skittle
d. loving you
2. letting the human. rub. my ear. to a john mayer song",35596,7139,
Tue Oct 10 16:45:36 +0000 2017,917793245840773120,the best part. about. my new stuffed fren. sebastian. is that. he listens. not only. to my problems. but to my dreams. my goals. my ideas. for example.. peanut butter leashes,28296,4214,
Mon Oct 09 22:00:32 +0000 2017,917510113933570054,i have. BIG news. remember the package. from earlier. that i protected. so well? turns out. it waS FOR ME. ALL ALONG. i now have. a new stuffed fren. he has. a super long nose. little mouth horns. and tremendous. floppy ears. i will call him.. sebastian,36277,4273,
Mon Oct 09 17:23:59 +0000 2017,917440520502333445,I HEARD. A KNOCKEM. AT THE DOOR. AND WHEN I INVESTIGATED. I DISCOVERED. A PACKAGE. JUST OUTSIDE THE DOOR. I WILL PROTECT IT. UNTIL THE HUMAN. RETURNS,19307,2076,
Mon Oct 09 13:14:35 +0000 2017,917377754470993920,gooooob morning. i had a nightmare. that. both my ears. were inside out. and then i sprouted. a third ear.. guess what. also inside out,20007,2430,
Mon Oct 09 01:58:47 +0000 2017,917207683345682432,unless. it’s top secret. and involves. covert pupperations,12388,977,
Mon Oct 09 01:54:41 +0000 2017,917206654092845057,sometimes. the human. will lift up. my ear. to tell me something.. this is. completely. unnecessary,22147,3044,
Sun Oct 08 18:35:09 +0000 2017,917096039517220866,sometimes. when we play catch. with the human. i let my fren. get to the ball. first. he’s not as speedy. as he once was. but he still deserves. the boundless joy. that comes with. a good fetch,26508,3468,
Sun Oct 08 00:03:44 +0000 2017,916816344510844928,today. i ate a leaf. not because it tasted good. but because. the crunch sound. is addicting,28885,4358,
Sat Oct 07 18:30:25 +0000 2017,916732462922960896,i used. to throw up. during car rides. but now. i don’t sometimes,16775,1681,
Sat Oct 07 01:58:28 +0000 2017,916482827432218624,sometimes. i wish. the human. needed a hug. because secretly. i do,31040,6044,
Fri Oct 06 15:44:29 +0000 2017,916328313152557057,do not worry. keno. soon. you will zoom. again https://t.co/O0TxgkbVso,14511,1820,
Fri Oct 06 14:11:36 +0000 2017,916304938225029121,gooooob morning. my schedule. is unusually clear. today. only one meeting later. with my fren. about whether the skittle. under the fridge. is actually. an m&m,31149,4592,
Fri Oct 06 02:52:13 +0000 2017,916133966226313216,this is. hey. look at me. this is very. hey. eyes please. the following. is very important.. i love you,27155,5939,
Thu Oct 05 15:06:25 +0000 2017,915956349061693445,last night. in the middle. of the night. my fren. grrbork borked. signifying. a household alert level. of dark grey. i immediately. did my standard surveillance. and found nothing. when i returned. to the fren. he had already. recommenced. his snoozle,25550,3259,
Thu Oct 05 01:41:38 +0000 2017,915753817504968704,the human’s fren. is over again. we’re not on good terms. at the moment. they need to learn. how to share the human. and understand. that i was here. first,23110,3013,
Wed Oct 04 20:44:44 +0000 2017,915679098931961857,just woke up. from my. mid-afternoon snooze. which takes place. after the midday snooze. but before. both the early dusk power snooze. and. the night snoozle,23328,3874,
Wed Oct 04 14:38:30 +0000 2017,915586933656625152,gooooob morning. may your zooms. be speedy. and your tail thuds. echo with love,24656,5547,
Wed Oct 04 01:49:24 +0000 2017,915393383727865857,i for one. am more than ready. for the night snoozle. but first. a recap. of my day.. gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary) hurled an acorn. that i dodged narrowly. but dodged. nonetheless. then. i checked on the skittle. under the fridge. as. you may have guessed. it hasn’t moved,30685,5157,
Tue Oct 03 19:22:09 +0000 2017,915295928008900608,on one paw. i enjoy. lying in the sun. it makes me feel. not only cozy. but also. magnificent. on the other paw. puddles are fun. and splish splashing. is my passion,19905,3340,
Tue Oct 03 17:05:55 +0000 2017,915261645496242176,"the deal. with the human. is that. for every good dog. they see. in the book. they have to also. tell me. i’m. a good dog
https://t.co/CJdjDCOo9B",5089,339,
Tue Oct 03 02:15:28 +0000 2017,915037556768673792,the human stared. at the tv. for so long. i don’t think. a smile occurred. all day. i just chewed. the remote. to absolute bits. you cannot hurt. my human. anymore,54697,11045,
Mon Oct 02 15:22:43 +0000 2017,914873286135353344,my ear. covered my eye. for a second. in that moment. i. was already committed. to my new life. as a pirate,26139,4677,
Mon Oct 02 12:34:17 +0000 2017,914830898792505344,the human. just gave. the fren and i. the biggest hugs. they’ll be late for work. but i don’t think. they care,15788,1856,
Sun Oct 01 21:36:07 +0000 2017,914604866210803712,i. was lying outside. minding. my own business. and a single leaf. fell. from the tree. and landed. on my noggin. i am now. emperor. of this yard,29488,5111,
Sun Oct 01 15:53:08 +0000 2017,914518552765444097,the fren. has told me. about this time. of year. apparently. the leaves. turn all shades. of muted yellow. and soon. the tiny humans. transform. into monsters. but even they. in their spooky state. still get to eat. chocolate,31430,6399,
Sat Sep 30 01:36:23 +0000 2017,913940558015549440,the human left. to go hangout. with their fren.. that’s fine. everything’s fine. i’ll just be here. working on my. very important dog stuff. and contemplating. my own. replaceability,31156,5605,
Fri Sep 29 16:06:09 +0000 2017,913797051825213441,if you hear. a single bork. and then. absolute silence. that was me. testing the acoustics. of the household,29359,5003,
Fri Sep 29 12:20:51 +0000 2017,913740353068584968,gooooob morning. last night. i. had a dream. that i dug. a hole. in the yard. and found a treasure chest. in the chest. was peanut butter. today. i see if my dream. will come true,19253,2510,
Fri Sep 29 01:15:25 +0000 2017,913572891765215232,GUESS WHAT. there is now. more room. for me to tell you. all about. my day. so. sit back. relax. and enjoy. my existence.. it all started. with my morning stretchem. this was quickly. followed by. an inherent goodness. sweeping over me. and blessing. everyone. in the vicinity,59679,12569,
Fri Sep 29 00:24:07 +0000 2017,913559980825030657,alright. here. is the deal. i support and love you. til the end. of time. and you..... give me. that cheese stick,38558,8347,
Thu Sep 28 02:05:24 +0000 2017,913223084903190529,I’VE GOT. BIG NEWS.. i love you,22480,5810,
Wed Sep 27 23:45:27 +0000 2017,913187861821878278,human. cleaned up. all my toys for me. i know. it’s only because. their fren is coming over. and they want to. appear responsible. but still,16305,2122,
Wed Sep 27 15:04:29 +0000 2017,913056756850446342,it used. to take me. several attempts. to summit the couch. now. one leap. and it’s. game over,13649,1494,
Wed Sep 27 02:25:36 +0000 2017,912865777602220032,i stole. the human’s sock. and they didn’t even. chase me. i guess. they’re not. in the mood. i was only joking. i always. give it back,23772,3442,
Tue Sep 26 23:07:29 +0000 2017,912815919193313280,what would i do. with more characters? well. i could tell you. all about. hoW TODAY. I DID A ZOOM. SO SPEEDY. MY EARS FLEW BACK. IT WAS AMAZ,20273,3353,
Tue Sep 26 15:15:40 +0000 2017,912697186089160705,if i. don’t win. it’s rigged https://t.co/YL3WPpR6aZ,2343,65,
Tue Sep 26 14:36:55 +0000 2017,912687431299796992,gooooob morning. i snuck. a stick. inside the house,17158,2404,
Tue Sep 26 01:56:40 +0000 2017,912496110631079937,i. am watching. a movie. about a bee. on the couch. with my fren. the human. and the human’s fren. who is also now. my fren. too,15540,1383,
Mon Sep 25 16:13:37 +0000 2017,912349380933505024,showed the fren. how to do. the front paw cross. in case. he's ever feeling. particularly fancy,18993,2809,
Sun Sep 24 17:39:45 +0000 2017,912008670434775040,WE. ARE OUTSIDE. THE HUMAN. IS THROWING THE BALL. VERY HIGH. THE FREN AND I. JUST RUN. IN ONE DIRECTION. UNTIL WE HEAR IT. HIT THE GROUND,13728,1435,
Sun Sep 24 16:58:20 +0000 2017,911998247111184384,all. the good boys. know. when to sit,12981,2161,
Sat Sep 23 17:44:52 +0000 2017,911647569440395264,sometimes. i let the human know. i need to go out. but then. i stand. in the doorway. and just. sniff the air. this. annoys the human,19064,3170,
Sat Sep 23 00:15:24 +0000 2017,911383460450897920,fren. and i. were both doing a tug. on the same. toy. obviously. i let the fren win. because i. had already had. a long. and tiring day,13482,1371,
Fri Sep 22 16:21:58 +0000 2017,911264315893862401,i. will get one. for my human. so they know. they miss me https://t.co/HgTarMU5ES,5318,603,
Fri Sep 22 03:17:47 +0000 2017,911066970346409984,the snoozles. they have. consumed me,13009,2995,
Thu Sep 21 03:37:04 +0000 2017,910709436821450752,the night snooze. fast approaches. do not forget. the triple noggin pat. indicating. sweet dreams,12911,1648,
Wed Sep 20 14:57:15 +0000 2017,910518220427350016,gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary} thinks. he's so cool. running along the top. of the fence. and such. i could do that. if i wanted to,15537,2247,
Wed Sep 20 02:30:26 +0000 2017,910330281126760450,i know. i already said. goobnight. but the human. made. a night sandwich. and forgot to drop. a piece of cheese. that. is against. the law,42198,6464,
Wed Sep 20 01:35:32 +0000 2017,910316465252917248,i wonder if. anybody. reads these. thoughts of mine. that'd be. rather embarrassing. oh well. goobnight. i love you. big time,12727,1047,
Tue Sep 19 21:09:33 +0000 2017,910249527269036033,i used to fit. so snug. on my bed. now at least. one feets. hangs off. at all times. there is only one. explanation. the bed. is shrinking,17023,2622,
Tue Sep 19 18:17:21 +0000 2017,910206190847762433,my fren's face. is grayer than. the rest of him. this could only mean. one thing. he. is a wizard,11771,1501,
Tue Sep 19 14:42:43 +0000 2017,910152178626686976,sorry. for the lack of. thoughts yesterday. my life is normally. a confined. magical. ever-changing odyssey. but not yesterday. i just slept,14939,2420,
Mon Sep 18 02:15:49 +0000 2017,909601825929691138,my fren. fell asleep. on me. his head. is lying. on my stomach. which makes me. incredibly aware. of my own breathing,12958,1272,
Sun Sep 17 13:48:32 +0000 2017,909413764801363969,i took. the morning walk. a little slower. today. thought about. how happy i am. alongside. my fren. and my human. the life. is good,20445,2908,
Sun Sep 17 00:55:01 +0000 2017,909219102371319808,the human. who snuggled. my human. the other night. is here again. BUT. this time. however. they brought. my fren and i. treats.. we approve,15643,1588,
Sat Sep 16 20:56:48 +0000 2017,909159155935694849,the human. came home. smelling like. another pup. i've never experienced. such an intense. betrayal,25234,5102,
Sat Sep 16 00:03:09 +0000 2017,908843663010205697,WE WENT. ON A WALK. BY THE RIVER. THE HUMAN. THREW SOME BOUNCY ROCKS. INTO IT. THE FREN AND I. PLAYED TAG. I WISH. YOU COULD'VE. SEEN US,16052,1583,
Fri Sep 15 17:06:53 +0000 2017,908738904379060224,human. promised. they'd come home early. and take. my fren and i. on an adventure,9057,669,
Fri Sep 15 02:53:12 +0000 2017,908524069800304640,the day. has been completed. off to snoozeland. i. love you,14341,2832,
Thu Sep 14 18:27:26 +0000 2017,908396789992247302,i once. tricked the human. into thinking. my tongue pops out. every time. they touched. my front left paw. until one time. i forgot to do it,16293,2096,
Thu Sep 14 00:51:12 +0000 2017,908130980313133056,there is. another human here. cuddling close. on the couch. with my human. i. will forcibly. create a space. between them. for me,31034,5715,
Wed Sep 13 20:22:12 +0000 2017,908063285827825664,i. accidentally. stole some paper towels. and decorated. the household,13955,2032,
Wed Sep 13 01:10:00 +0000 2017,907773321382686720,the first time. the human brushed me. i thought. i was. falling apart,15256,1986,
Tue Sep 12 18:00:23 +0000 2017,907665208587538432,i. will go to. incredible lengths. to make sure. the sun shines on me. while i snooze,13038,1761,
Tue Sep 12 13:04:35 +0000 2017,907590767325188099,the morning walk. was very wet. i jumped. in a puddle,8337,711,
Tue Sep 12 00:58:37 +0000 2017,907408072276107269,the human. did not have. a good day. i. will go get. my finest ball. for them. it always makes. me happy,35542,7158,
Mon Sep 11 13:47:29 +0000 2017,907239172230049797,my. daily commitment. to you. is that. something important. will be knocked over. by my tail. when i'm excite,13571,1865,
Mon Sep 11 00:26:59 +0000 2017,907037722921062400,sometimes. i drool. incomprehensible amounts. it's not. on purpose. it just. sorta happens,8725,1016,
Sun Sep 10 03:17:12 +0000 2017,906718172203634688,the human. fell asleep. on the couch. between me. and my fren. it is. the coziest. of pup sandwiches,14659,1708,
Sun Sep 10 00:18:11 +0000 2017,906673119485669376,today. i stole. an entire. avocado. took the human. several house loops. to take it back,19211,2771,
Sat Sep 09 02:58:19 +0000 2017,906351029717012482,the human. brought frens over. one of them. forgot to pet me. as they entered. that individual. has 30 seconds. to rectify. the situation,29086,5852,
Fri Sep 08 20:06:46 +0000 2017,906247461894795264,i grrrborked. at the hurricane. on the tv. it did not. do much. i apologize,20475,3893,
Fri Sep 08 03:30:21 +0000 2017,905996705824460800,being. as good. as i am. day in. and day out. is quite. strenuous,10370,1791,
Thu Sep 07 04:40:31 +0000 2017,905651976163164160,i was dreaming. that i was. zooming. through watermelon fields. and accidentally. kicked the fren. waking. us both,9650,969,
Wed Sep 06 22:04:38 +0000 2017,905552348336017408,i've been working on. some combo moves. for instance. the tap tap bork hop. that one. is pretty. self explanatory,9028,1196,
Wed Sep 06 16:26:00 +0000 2017,905467126236028928,i remember. when i was. addicted to. the sproing boing. wall toy. behind the door. now i walk past it. and scoff. for i am better. than it,15896,2620,
Wed Sep 06 02:07:36 +0000 2017,905251104069431301,i drank. all the water. in my bowl. earlier. but just now. i returned. to the same bowl. and it was. full again.. the bowl. is haunted,112592,27363,
Tue Sep 05 15:12:14 +0000 2017,905086174510936064,today. my only goal. is to not. get stuck. in the bathroom,8647,948,
Tue Sep 05 02:41:08 +0000 2017,904897153990107141,"my favorite. pastimes. include:

7. the snooze
• stick reviews
2. staring at. the skittle
3. zoom tutorials
b) loving you
2. peanut butter",13992,2361,
Mon Sep 04 17:22:01 +0000 2017,904756446675554304,the human. has found me. thank you human. yes everything's fine. i don't. really. want to talk about it. i need. my space. for a bit,7062,596,
Mon Sep 04 17:17:35 +0000 2017,904755333905731586,what if. i never see. the human again? what if. i never play. with my fren. again? what if. i never. lick peanut butter. off a spoon. again?,5713,527,
Mon Sep 04 17:13:32 +0000 2017,904754312114528258,i have. been trapped here. for an estimated. 9 days,4338,315,
Mon Sep 04 17:10:19 +0000 2017,904753502660038656,there seems to be. an elaborate. water bowl. which will prove. useful. in due time,4276,271,
Mon Sep 04 17:06:56 +0000 2017,904752653003091968,i'm not sure. why. i came in here. in the first place. oh well. this is. my new home now,4199,333,
Mon Sep 04 17:05:23 +0000 2017,904752264346300416,i trapped myself. in the bathroom. don't ask. how it happened. now. i'm just sitting here. waiting for. helicopter evac,11151,1534,
Mon Sep 04 03:42:06 +0000 2017,904550108116733952,when it comes. to the sports. i try. to mimic. the human's. reactions. i must support. even if. i have no idea. what's happening,9668,1276,
Mon Sep 04 00:52:45 +0000 2017,904507489177272321,if i. am sleeping on you. you cannot move. it is. the law,21312,5290,
Sat Sep 02 14:56:57 +0000 2017,903995166675132417,gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary} is slowly tapping. on the window. with an acorn. he is staring. through my soul,9388,1229,
Fri Sep 01 15:24:11 +0000 2017,903639632570699776,i only bork. at my reflection. to test. my own. reflexes,9104,1330,
Fri Sep 01 03:52:30 +0000 2017,903465561924845568,sometimes. i fall asleep. easily. other times. it's like. let me think. all the thoughts. i've ever thunk. real quick. i want. peanut butter,12942,2929,
Fri Sep 01 00:48:26 +0000 2017,903419239452876801,some toys. were big. AND. very chewable. you see the problem. i encountered,5469,380,
Fri Sep 01 00:46:53 +0000 2017,903418851580416001,i spent. all day. organizing my toys. from biggest. to most chewable. it didn't go. as well. as i'd hoped,8298,847,
Thu Aug 31 14:21:12 +0000 2017,903261393817927681,i found. such a nice stick. on my walk. this morning. carried it. all the way back home. but was denied. entry. until i let go. of it,14531,2183,
Thu Aug 31 02:03:19 +0000 2017,903075697584996352,"the fren snores. sometimes. and i think ""i too. am trying. to snooze over here. buddy."" but i don't say it. because i'm not. bold. like that",12249,1679,
Wed Aug 30 02:17:25 +0000 2017,902716860810047488,i would like. to kindly. request. a lengthy. snug,13645,3877,
Tue Aug 29 13:41:00 +0000 2017,902526499869351936,early morning walks. are for. practicing. fancy trots. and prances,8644,983,
Mon Aug 28 20:58:35 +0000 2017,902274234860363776,sometimes. i will. bork up the household. for no reason. at all. a practice run. if you will. for when the house. actually needs. borking up,13437,2468,
Mon Aug 28 00:37:02 +0000 2017,901966822932664320,if. my tummy. is rubbed. at 207 or more. rpms (rubs. per minute}. i lose. any and all control. of back legs. hence. the swift air kicks,20085,3747,
Sun Aug 27 16:00:55 +0000 2017,901836937044140034,i've been staring. at my fren's ears. all morning. they stick. straight pupwards. regardless of. level of. excite,9730,1004,
Sun Aug 27 02:13:00 +0000 2017,901628582161772545,everyone. is talking about. this fight. when they should be. talking about. me,13590,2851,
Sun Aug 27 00:09:19 +0000 2017,901597457888530432,ME. AND THE HUMAN. AND THE NEW FREN. WENT. ON A HIKE. AND WE SAW. OTHER FRENS. AND I JUMPED. IN A BIG PUDDLE,11481,1025,
Sat Aug 26 15:43:30 +0000 2017,901470164952256512,wow. a whole day. just for me,8470,1241,
Fri Aug 25 22:16:15 +0000 2017,901206615420022785,many say. how good. i am. few. account for. how good. i will be,7222,1075,
Fri Aug 25 01:14:27 +0000 2017,900889075300913152,new fren. stole. my socks. that i stole. unbelievable,10332,1230,
Thu Aug 24 15:40:33 +0000 2017,900744646325936129,gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary} isn't as confident. when outnumbered,7725,744,
Thu Aug 24 02:04:18 +0000 2017,900539232804102145,i think. it's time. i tell you. that i love you,9091,1984,
Wed Aug 23 23:35:36 +0000 2017,900501809353170944,fren and i. just went. on a tandem walk. it went well. the leashes. were only tangled. the whole time,8931,848,
Wed Aug 23 01:01:27 +0000 2017,900161025139453952,my new fren. just caught his tail. first try. i. am astounded. like whoa. show me. the wise ways. wise one,9580,1153,
Tue Aug 22 19:44:00 +0000 2017,900081136679899136,"i. am a:
 
⚪️ koala
⚪️ jungle. tortoise
🔘 puppo
 
seeking:
 
⚪️ noggin pats
⚪️ passionate boops
⚪️ permission. to zoom
🔘 all of. the above",31508,6419,
Tue Aug 22 18:25:48 +0000 2017,900061457458630656,the new fren. enjoys. mid afternoon. snoozes. as well. this is. delightful,6081,484,
Tue Aug 22 00:32:09 +0000 2017,899791263351939072,my new fren. and i. are getting along. we alternate. borks. for maximum. protect,10865,1288,
Mon Aug 21 22:18:15 +0000 2017,899757565797687296,skittle watch. went well. nothing. too crazy. occurred. did i miss. anything?,5229,439,
Mon Aug 21 01:01:34 +0000 2017,899436279636664321,grab. a writing. utensil. immediate. i've got. big news. i love you,8275,1535,
Sun Aug 20 18:45:33 +0000 2017,899341651281403904,the new fren. is older. than i. but his zooms... they are impressive,9442,796,
Sun Aug 20 02:02:15 +0000 2017,899089163185774592,i just realized. i'm not. the only. good boy. in the household. anymore,7721,502,
Sat Aug 19 20:07:19 +0000 2017,898999843422519296,we are on. our way home. an extra tongue. is hanging out. the windows. don't worry. i still have. the front seat,7675,606,
Sat Aug 19 17:33:07 +0000 2017,898961037747249152,it turns out. i want. every dog here. to be. my fren. stay tuned,9148,1174,
Sat Aug 19 17:14:53 +0000 2017,898956448452849664,i have. selected. my new fren. time to. convince the human,6650,493,
Sat Aug 19 15:26:28 +0000 2017,898929165306654720,my human. is taking me. to see dogs. that don't have. humans yet. i've always wanted. a fren,13454,1582,
Sat Aug 19 02:09:02 +0000 2017,898728484574343168,tomorrow. is going to be. a good day https://t.co/qkESa6rQdZ,2396,131,
Sat Aug 19 00:01:29 +0000 2017,898696383896539137,i'm learning. that the silly human. already bought me. some fancy glasses. for some reason. they clearly. didn't check. my schedule,5502,586,
Fri Aug 18 23:55:27 +0000 2017,898694866703491072,everyone. is worried. about my eyes. when the moon sun thing. happens. but my whole day. is booked. staring at the skittle. under the fridge,48643,12273,
Fri Aug 18 01:36:44 +0000 2017,898357964763013121,the human. is always sad. after watching. the tv. so i hid. all the remotes. i could find,17581,3154,
Thu Aug 17 01:35:25 +0000 2017,897995247128645633,i'd slide. across. a million. hardwood floors. for you,12183,2599,
Wed Aug 16 21:06:05 +0000 2017,897927468488704001,i have been. programming. my human. every time. they give me food. i borkf. eventually. every time. i borkf. they will give me. food,8435,1143,
Wed Aug 16 04:08:55 +0000 2017,897671489666916352,can't sleep. thinking about. peanut butter,8742,2167,
Wed Aug 16 00:49:45 +0000 2017,897621364735184896,i am. cuddled close. with the human. but they still feel. far away. i. will cuddle closer,13331,2373,
Tue Aug 15 21:52:30 +0000 2017,897576758299570177,i am available. for pets. if anybody. needs them,7489,1053,
Tue Aug 15 15:32:37 +0000 2017,897481158723874816,i have. been working. on my tree climbing. skills. all morning. gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary] has no idea. what's comin,8051,1022,
Tue Aug 15 01:59:57 +0000 2017,897276646461325312,i am. the best guard dog. like. you can't slip. by me. unless you pet me. and tell me. i'm good. then. you can. usually pass. quite easily,15068,2735,
Mon Aug 14 15:59:22 +0000 2017,897125505304023040,"every dog. is looking. for a human. to love 
https://t.co/mqEQO6ieST",3531,509,
Mon Aug 14 01:35:18 +0000 2017,896908054905708549,the tired. has come. big snooze. awaits. before i go. please note. i love you. s'much,9086,1713,
Mon Aug 14 01:04:12 +0000 2017,896900227868876800,do not worry. if you forget. about. my constant need. for affection. i will remind you. with many nudges,13482,2761,
Sun Aug 13 01:53:28 +0000 2017,896550236742725632,"things that make. me happy. that might also. make. you happy

4. a good stick
3. long hugs
8. unexpected food
2. zooms
5. love. reciprocated",23527,5709,
Sat Aug 12 23:43:53 +0000 2017,896517628998684672,WE WENT OUTSIDE. AND PLAYED. WITH THE BALL. i was hesitant. to give it back. after i got it. but. i had to. to keep playing. IT WAS SPLENDID,10813,1471,
Sat Aug 12 20:26:11 +0000 2017,896467872607870976,the human. turned off the tv. then lied down. beside me. i don't think. everything. is okay,14399,2798,
Fri Aug 11 22:05:38 +0000 2017,896130514783883264,ok. let me summarize. we went. on a big walk. to some water. that i splish splashed in. then. we walked back. it was. dare i say. magical,12930,1785,
Fri Aug 11 18:08:01 +0000 2017,896070716637945856,HUMAN. CAME HOME. NOW I AM IN THE CAR. FRONT SEAT. WINDOW DOWN. TONGUE OUT. IN THE WIND. TO WHAT. DO I OWE. SUCH A PLEASURE,13458,1922,
Fri Aug 11 15:15:36 +0000 2017,896027327771160580,human said. they could be home. from. wherever they go. a little early. today. and we will go. on an adventure. the tail is blurry,10429,1267,
Fri Aug 11 00:10:38 +0000 2017,895799584466903040,i collected. all of my. tennis balls. and did an experiment. how many. could i hold. in my mouth. at once? turns out. one. i will improve,16944,2958,
Thu Aug 10 19:10:57 +0000 2017,895724167689056256,reporting live. from. the couch. mid. afternoon snooze? i think so,5826,794,
Thu Aug 10 14:13:07 +0000 2017,895649214033780742,you cannot. spoil me. if i already. deserve the world,11954,3330,
Thu Aug 10 02:49:01 +0000 2017,895477055776845828,i'd buy. a boumcy castle. i heard. they're fun. and shoes. aren't necessary. which is cool. because i. never wear shoes. anyway,6188,638,
Thu Aug 10 02:45:51 +0000 2017,895476256443166720,i think. i'd be very. irresponsible. with money. so i'm glad. i have none,11444,2657,
Wed Aug 09 15:02:57 +0000 2017,895299366696755200,gary. {the squirrel. i named. gary) hurled an acorn. that hit me. square. on the noggin. this morning,9534,1293,
Wed Aug 09 00:28:32 +0000 2017,895079310402310148,human. gave me. an extra long hug. followed by. direct eye contact. these are. undiscussed signals. but i think. we're on. the same page,14094,2291,
Tue Aug 08 23:30:56 +0000 2017,895064816611606528,i didn't think. i'd have. to say this. again https://t.co/51pJhp82FV,12475,3279,
Tue Aug 08 01:40:18 +0000 2017,894734987051847682,my time. it has come https://t.co/DRVqUmMHqo,6364,931,
Tue Aug 08 01:01:07 +0000 2017,894725124414418945,i promise. (pawmise. if you will). i don't mean. to always lie down. in the most. inconvenient places. it just. kinda happens,10403,1758,
Mon Aug 07 18:49:42 +0000 2017,894631655398404096,it. is raining. the outside. is wet. i will. hold it. until the sun shines. across these lands. once more,8568,1320,
Mon Aug 07 02:25:34 +0000 2017,894383990651719680,all aboard. to snoozetown. first stop. i love you,12034,3096,
Mon Aug 07 00:57:26 +0000 2017,894361810345787392,i've. gotten bigger. but the human. has always been. the same size. at this rate. i will soon. control the household,31761,6544,
Sun Aug 06 15:21:29 +0000 2017,894216865077186563,i would like. your attention. please... not because. i'm about. to say something. important. i just like attention,14514,4130,
Sun Aug 06 00:55:27 +0000 2017,893998923995648001,when i'm. an older. established pup. i will live. a life. of luxury. sandy walks. by the big pond. i can see it. now,8456,1106,
Sat Aug 05 16:51:49 +0000 2017,893877213862428674,i'd say. i'm fairly. aerodynamic,5001,536,
Sat Aug 05 04:29:55 +0000 2017,893690508102520832,in case. you didn't. hear it. yet. i love you,9106,2418,
Sat Aug 05 00:32:26 +0000 2017,893630741753589760,if i am. overlooked. i will notify. the human. via a series. of discreet borks. the offender. will be removed. from the house. immediate,7810,819,
Sat Aug 05 00:29:10 +0000 2017,893629921179914244,human. is having. a get-together. tonight. i will sit. politely. by the front door. awaiting. all the head pats. and chin scritches,15057,1960,
Fri Aug 04 14:34:33 +0000 2017,893480279066718210,sometimes. i feel bad. about sleeping in. then. i remember. my responsibilities. are minimal,12614,2438,
Fri Aug 04 02:16:33 +0000 2017,893294557647052800,between. laying down. in many different places. and waiting. for the human. to come home. i. was so productive. today,9167,1385,
Wed Aug 02 23:37:51 +0000 2017,892892230624702464,no no. you do not. simply. stop petting me,8236,1390,
Wed Aug 02 17:53:05 +0000 2017,892805467881254912,every time. you shake. my paw. a contractual. agreement. is formed,11508,2123,
Wed Aug 02 04:31:53 +0000 2017,892603837550215168,we're going. on a night walk. this is big news. i get. to wear. my flashy jacket,7925,811,
Wed Aug 02 04:25:59 +0000 2017,892602351554445312,you ever. wake up. in the middle. of the night. and think.. why?,6574,1570,
Wed Aug 02 02:02:33 +0000 2017,892566256116793344,alert. breaking news. i love you,32268,10118,
Tue Aug 01 21:09:39 +0000 2017,892492547943170054,"you say. 'whoa dog. how do you. eat. so fast."" i say. ""what was. my time. i can surely. go faster""",10054,1575,
Tue Aug 01 16:31:44 +0000 2017,892422607655579649,you. can measure. my love. in tail thuds. against the floor. per minute,12578,2622,
Tue Aug 01 01:44:19 +0000 2017,892199280555036672,a rule. i live by. is. if the crack. in the door. is shnoop wide. or bigger. i am entering,12959,2372,
Mon Jul 31 22:06:27 +0000 2017,892144453254828033,correct me. if i'm wrong. but. i think. i would like. a hug,15291,5445,
Mon Jul 31 17:17:39 +0000 2017,892071773138714624,boops. not nukes,12165,4421,
Mon Jul 31 02:03:51 +0000 2017,891841808573104128,a new week. is upon us. or so i am told. human. time constructs. are confusing. i prefer. to break it down. into snoozes. and non-snoozes,11641,2540,
Sun Jul 30 21:19:08 +0000 2017,891770157441404928,how about. i only. use it. when i'm sharing my thoughts. and chasing my tail. at. the same time,3653,213,
Sun Jul 30 21:13:42 +0000 2017,891768789360136195,i! have discovered! a new! punctuation! not sure yet! what it means!,9248,1310,
Sun Jul 30 14:55:46 +0000 2017,891673678341165057,"gary. [the squirrel. i named. gary} is staring at me. through. the screen door. as if to say. ""bring it. young doggo""",8945,1361,
Sun Jul 30 03:07:36 +0000 2017,891495465937764353,i. am on the verge. of the snooze. just wanted. to mention. that i love you. like. big time,13495,2828,
Sat Jul 29 16:38:11 +0000 2017,891337064515600384,it took me. so long. to cover this house. with my love. and you just. vacuumed. it up,19830,4246,
Sat Jul 29 00:51:21 +0000 2017,891098786264645632,i have been. in an elevator. twice before. i can't believe. they build. a whole new room. while we're in. that box,10343,1626,
Fri Jul 28 22:01:32 +0000 2017,891056052455821312,sometimes. i grrbork. at the sky. in case. anybody. is listening,9212,1752,
Fri Jul 28 16:33:32 +0000 2017,890973507747807232,good luck. jax. i hope. you zoom again. soon https://t.co/JYhnV7Nkdl,3737,320,
Fri Jul 28 06:13:18 +0000 2017,890817421078011904,the human. just hugged me. extra hard. not sure. what i did. but i can snooze. soundly now,19069,3190,
Fri Jul 28 01:34:23 +0000 2017,890747228410839040,some days. i wonder. if i deserve. all these noggin pats. other days. i know i do,12969,2582,
Thu Jul 27 12:52:40 +0000 2017,890555537808556033,mornings. are usually. pretty open. for me. good sit over here. lie down over there. not. too busy,9805,1722,
Thu Jul 27 03:12:53 +0000 2017,890409628797980672,human. is sad again. two licks. on the hand. only a single pat. in return. i. will do better,102021,24458,
Wed Jul 26 01:10:04 +0000 2017,890016333173280769,"top. annoyances:

5. gary {the squirrel. i named. gary)
h. leash tangles
2. inside out. ear
2. fragile sticks
a. the hardwood
9. Keith Urban",14315,2893,
Tue Jul 25 02:01:44 +0000 2017,889666947318722564,sometimes. a drool occurs. without. provocation. one of. the greatest mysteries. of our time,5385,709,
Mon Jul 24 19:55:42 +0000 2017,889574833788506113,had. a mid-afternoon. run in. with gary. (the squirrel. i named. gary] he is well. and remains. elusive as h*ck,6533,908,
Mon Jul 24 05:05:09 +0000 2017,889350718532005888,"noise. has awoken me. possible sources:

2. world ending
d. no other. possibilities
5. definite apocalypse
3. wake. the human
a. immediate",17644,4740,
Mon Jul 24 00:33:58 +0000 2017,889282474576138241,i want. to. race a shark,5634,1050,
Sun Jul 23 21:00:00 +0000 2017,889228625366724608,told the human. we need. a costume. stat https://t.co/GCKcAbeepS,2270,160,
Sun Jul 23 01:16:45 +0000 2017,888930851760857089,i. am not happy. when the. attention. is dispersed,6025,1392,
Sat Jul 22 17:32:34 +0000 2017,888814036040732672,the. best walk. just occurred. saw like. 23 or 6. other dogs,8684,1365,
Sat Jul 22 00:27:30 +0000 2017,888556072696336384,excuse me. i just wanted. to. remind you. that. this love i have. is for you,8419,2497,
Fri Jul 21 14:25:00 +0000 2017,888404448053260289,just. lost my human. i borked. and borked. turns out. they were just. in a different room. alert level. back to green,26066,5349,
Wed Jul 19 03:51:13 +0000 2017,887520172743024644,just. woke up. from an unplanned snooze. and forgot. who i was. for a second. you know those snoozes,8821,1895,
Tue Jul 18 23:32:24 +0000 2017,887455039400398848,i. am exhausted. but. do not worry. loving you. is low effort,9765,2765,
Tue Jul 18 01:37:38 +0000 2017,887124167648268288,half. of this story. isn't true. i. can't talk yet,2429,161,
Tue Jul 18 01:34:52 +0000 2017,887123474522701824,a stranger. told me. i was a good dog. today. i was like. you don't know me. though. then. they said. you can talk?,5484,734,
Mon Jul 17 12:09:06 +0000 2017,886920693287354368,gary. {the squirrel. i named. gary) uses trees. to his advantage. i too. must learn. this tactic,6425,868,
Mon Jul 17 01:38:19 +0000 2017,886761953238155264,did someone say. game of bones? if so. if i may. i would like. to play,6040,1212,
Mon Jul 17 00:44:27 +0000 2017,886748395934711809,i. have been staring. at this skittle. under the fridge. for several eternities,7881,1392,
Mon Jul 17 00:02:16 +0000 2017,886737779601924100,good luck. mingus https://t.co/XIliiLoMe4,1917,170,
Sun Jul 16 19:12:21 +0000 2017,886664820883427330,i practice. my fancy walks. (skips. gallops. trots. et cetera} when you. are away. they're not good enough. to show you. just yet,6826,963,
Sun Jul 16 05:54:57 +0000 2017,886464150775398401,noise. has been neutralized. by that. i mean. i haven't. heard it again. snooze time. once more,3336,255,
Sun Jul 16 05:49:57 +0000 2017,886462889388802050,i. have been awokened. by a noise. must inspect. must resist. urge to bork up. the entire household,6099,895,
Sat Jul 15 17:40:34 +0000 2017,886279336726110208,i thought. they only offered. gray? https://t.co/kbJhNH5f1m,2700,179,
Fri Jul 14 02:14:25 +0000 2017,885683873157435392,"i sit. then i'm like. ""no feets. where are you going pal?""",4306,437,
Fri Jul 14 01:58:30 +0000 2017,885679866791833600,petition. to stop. my back feets. from sliding away. when i sit. on the hardwood floor,8433,1342,
Thu Jul 13 14:44:55 +0000 2017,885510356679917570,if you sit. on the floor. i. have to climb. in your lap. that is. the law,10670,2187,
Thu Jul 13 03:22:55 +0000 2017,885338724371922944,do not. forget. the goodnight noggin pat,6508,1073,
Wed Jul 12 16:28:30 +0000 2017,885174034660556802,"'jump."" is aggressive. i am. a docile being",2938,256,
Wed Jul 12 16:26:17 +0000 2017,885173479347286018,"i. do not. ""jump.' on the couch. i spring. gracefully",5648,782,
Wed Jul 12 12:24:52 +0000 2017,885112722937061376,it is morning. birbs. are chirping. sun. is shining. gonna be. a great day,4520,990,
Wed Jul 12 02:38:01 +0000 2017,884965038888370176,"things. that make me. smile:

5. sticks
f. my human
2. water {solid state)
2) good pats
b. overthrowing. the patriarchy 
1. long snoozes",12315,3436,
Tue Jul 11 20:54:36 +0000 2017,884878612943568897,one thing. i do. super well. is making sure. you know. of my presence,4512,693,
Tue Jul 11 02:18:15 +0000 2017,884597674711949312,i feel dog. in this chili's. tonight,5112,1517,
Tue Jul 11 00:03:06 +0000 2017,884563663281115136,what if. people. are actually. reading these. that would be. so embarrassing,5030,499,
Mon Jul 10 18:56:03 +0000 2017,884486393891782656,when the human. isn't home. to distract me. that is when. i think. my deep thoughts,5041,677,
Mon Jul 10 14:21:04 +0000 2017,884417191009038336,good morning. frens. i hope. you boop a shnoop. today,5323,1074,
Mon Jul 10 04:19:21 +0000 2017,884265765217738754,i can't. sleep. thinking about. what gary. [the squirrel. i named. gary} is up to,4408,551,
Mon Jul 10 00:03:46 +0000 2017,884201443418411008,today. i defeated. the sprinkler,5657,702,
Sun Jul 09 00:53:06 +0000 2017,883851470210256896,rumor has it. if you. pat. and boop. a dog. at the same time. the dog. will duplicate,18605,3931,
Sat Jul 08 19:18:08 +0000 2017,883767174690734080,i'm. just a dog. doing my best. to love you,6008,1430,
Sat Jul 08 00:07:47 +0000 2017,883477678401224704,WE WENT. TO THE PARK. THERE WERE OTHER DOGS. PRESENT. SNIFFED SOME BUTTS. WRESTLED. A LITTLE. not too much i'm sensitive. IT WAS WONDERFUL,8776,1279,
Fri Jul 07 22:28:04 +0000 2017,883452582420766720,leaving for. the car ride. now. i will tell you. all about it. when i return,3322,252,
Fri Jul 07 16:30:32 +0000 2017,883362606152650752,i. slept in. super late. to puppare. for the car ride. the tail. is wagging s'fast,4693,449,
Fri Jul 07 03:27:22 +0000 2017,883165519687426049,the human said. we could go. on a. car ride. tomorrow. when he gets home. and i'm. so happy. I cannot snooze,5572,579,
Fri Jul 07 00:43:50 +0000 2017,883124364241186816,pet me. like. one of your. good boys,7504,2352,
Thu Jul 06 22:39:09 +0000 2017,883092986304897026,please. respect my human. if. you do not. i will. bork you up. on previously unseen levels,7526,1592,
Thu Jul 06 14:07:28 +0000 2017,882964216080105474,gary (the squirrel. i named gary] is entirely. too fast. for me. i'm sad that. i can't catch him. but respectful. of his speed,7449,1247,
Thu Jul 06 01:07:42 +0000 2017,882767983168417792,it is. important. to note. how good. i truly am,4018,655,
Wed Jul 05 02:45:21 +0000 2017,882430167888605184,i absolutely. deserve. some good pats. after all that,5225,752,
Wed Jul 05 00:35:25 +0000 2017,882397468801064964,alright. you guys have. 2 hours. max. of the sky boom. nonsense. any longer. and there will be. a puprising,13667,3305,
Tue Jul 04 21:15:09 +0000 2017,882347070606200832,human invited. all the frens. over. one of them. is bound. to drop a hotdog,8008,1416,
Tue Jul 04 01:43:43 +0000 2017,882052269742718977,poured. some water. out of the bowl. for koko. also requested. a walking cart. for my birthday. not because i'm old. but because. i'm lazy https://t.co/BapgY3v07n,2712,202,
Mon Jul 03 18:27:15 +0000 2017,881942427430465536,love is love. is love. is love. is love. is love. is love. can be petted. and booped mid-stride. fill the world. with pups. far and wide,5952,1544,
Mon Jul 03 16:34:45 +0000 2017,881914115782045696,the walk. included. a brief swim. this morning. i haven't. stopped smiling. since,4332,412,
Mon Jul 03 05:14:43 +0000 2017,881742980427730944,cut it out. with your. premature sky booms,27126,8525,
Mon Jul 03 00:39:53 +0000 2017,881673817189482496,you ever. have a good yawn. but. halfway through it. you think. you might. get stuck? mouth open. super wide. forever,4162,666,
Sun Jul 02 17:37:44 +0000 2017,881567579025887233,a borkf. occurs. when i'm not. fully committed. to a bork,4186,633,
Sun Jul 02 03:07:33 +0000 2017,881348589896781824,i'll. tell you. about being happy. if you. tell me. how rainbows. make you feel,3183,535,
Sat Jul 01 20:55:03 +0000 2017,881254848506757120,sometimes. i doubt. what my puppose. is. then the human. smiles at me,6771,1522,
Sat Jul 01 01:01:48 +0000 2017,880954555734929408,remember. to. pet dog. tonight,5294,1265,
Fri Jun 30 22:49:19 +0000 2017,880921217724755970,my shnoop. cannot reach. this tennis ball. under the couch. i. will lie here. until someone. remedies. the situation,5462,890,
Fri Jun 30 02:06:44 +0000 2017,880608512178614273,snooze. you lose? please. a snooze. is always. a victory,12557,5327,
Thu Jun 29 13:28:50 +0000 2017,880417779056349184,today. is the day. i catch gary [the squirrel. that. i named gary) optimism. is key,3958,650,
Thu Jun 29 12:40:41 +0000 2017,880405661187805184,good morning. frens. i. just did. quite the stretchem,4413,664,
Thu Jun 29 01:54:50 +0000 2017,880243128501981184,is a dream. really a dream. if. it isn't. about. peanut butter?,2539,468,
Thu Jun 29 00:03:40 +0000 2017,880215152326582272,"my. most fancy. tricks. sorted by. difficulty:

3. snoozing
9. sit (a classic}
b. trot/advanced walk
2. The Fetch
3. roll
e. zoom (speedy)",5639,1113,
Wed Jun 28 01:45:09 +0000 2017,879878301359239168,when. a sad occurs. take a snooze. then. pet a dog. me.. preferably,6504,1644,
Wed Jun 28 01:05:07 +0000 2017,879868226926149633,did. a little trot today. like regular walking. but advanced. onlookers. were impressed. I know it,6662,1178,
Tue Jun 27 01:08:39 +0000 2017,879506730778021888,henlo. it's me. i love you,4516,1174,
Mon Jun 26 20:20:37 +0000 2017,879434242719178752,i try. to make sure. the house. is neat and tidy. for when. my human comes home. some days. this is. an unrealistic. expectation,3380,378,
Mon Jun 26 18:46:19 +0000 2017,879410512752234497,i will grr. if i sense. a danger. i. will grrbork. if the danger. is confirmed. usually. i am wrong. about what is. and what isn't. a danger,23922,6414,
Mon Jun 26 17:06:51 +0000 2017,879385480785211393,if. i'm hangin. with you. and my ear. is inside out. you better inform me,8465,2031,
Mon Jun 26 03:20:05 +0000 2017,879177419734867968,"""love. is complicated."" bullocks. just pick. somebody. and love them. for instance: i pick. all of you",6434,1551,
Sun Jun 25 19:11:04 +0000 2017,879054354682179585,my zooms. are improving. i know this. because. pics of me. are getting blurrier,5296,843,
Sun Jun 25 00:54:45 +0000 2017,878778455227289600,a pat. on the noggin. is worth. two. on the belly,3524,510,
Sat Jun 24 17:37:46 +0000 2017,878668483726381058,when. in doubt. bork it up,2767,624,
Fri Jun 23 20:35:17 +0000 2017,878350769782759424,sometimes. when i drink. water. i wish i had. a straw. like you. fancy hoomans,3009,420,
Fri Jun 23 16:01:38 +0000 2017,878281905669459969,good luck. shadow. fren https://t.co/M8rejPaydf,1124,58,
Thu Jun 22 18:10:18 +0000 2017,877951896459165696,do dogs dream? one. may ask. the answer? yes. you h*ckin bet mate. about what? says another. peanut butter. and. reciprocating love,3568,683,
Thu Jun 22 04:00:16 +0000 2017,877737980521177088,pick. something to appreciate. once. every hour. don't worry. it can be me. more than once,4381,988,
Tue Jun 20 22:13:42 +0000 2017,877288374662569985,i. will nudge you. so much. then act. like. it's something. besides attention. that i need,4537,849,
Tue Jun 20 05:52:46 +0000 2017,877041514882277376,up late. thinking about. all the toys. i hid. then. forgot about,3699,493,
Sun Jun 18 21:21:12 +0000 2017,876550386500239360,if i. lick your face. it means. you're doing. amazing,4777,913,
Sat Jun 17 18:46:55 +0000 2017,876149171249594368,frens. i have news. i'm in love. with the fine floof. across. the way,3958,501,
Fri Jun 16 04:26:18 +0000 2017,875570202183819265,THERE. IS THAT NOISE. AGAIN. TIME TO. RUN AROUND. THE ENTIRE HOUSE. BORK IT UP. TO PROTEC,21091,4770,
Wed Jun 14 20:59:11 +0000 2017,875095296522555397,"apparently. the ""best.' is unreachable. when all the dogs. are equally. perfect",1924,253,
Wed Jun 14 16:43:49 +0000 2017,875031031606161409,"i've decided. that today. i will surpass. 'good."" and be. the best",3906,902,
Mon Jun 12 19:32:28 +0000 2017,874348696019898372,you bet. i'm snoozin,2522,789,
Mon Jun 12 03:06:47 +0000 2017,874100642331189249,goodnight. everyone. if for some reason. you forgot. i. love you,3445,859,
Sun Jun 11 12:31:47 +0000 2017,873880440926597122,GUYS. i just. had a morning walk. almost. caught gary. (gary is. a squirrel that. i named gary} the life. is good,5078,687,
Sun Jun 11 03:16:10 +0000 2017,873740615414099969,you ever. want. something. so bad. you'd give all. your tennis balls. for it? that's me. right now. with watermelon,2900,406,
Sun Jun 11 03:10:16 +0000 2017,873739127954579456,one. small pet. for doggo. one giant boop. for pupkind,4661,1090,
Sat Jun 10 02:09:33 +0000 2017,873361462357577729,remember. to touch. a dog's ear. tonight. 2 days. of good luck. guarantee,4243,942,
Fri Jun 09 17:37:14 +0000 2017,873232531608535040,snoozes. are. so good. like wow,3026,966,
Fri Jun 09 01:34:27 +0000 2017,872990242218889216,"i. am. a strong proponent. of:

c. wags (good. ones)
2. cheese
III. invading spaces
7. stick
4. quests
7. peanut. butter yes
b. speedy zooms",14181,3135,
Thu Jun 08 14:46:37 +0000 2017,872827207131033600,will someone. take me. over the big water. so i. can join. the polling station. fun?,1883,132,
Wed Jun 07 22:38:04 +0000 2017,872583464515756032,i. just want. to share. all my happy. with my human,3149,675,
Wed Jun 07 01:45:34 +0000 2017,872268261014085637,i. love you. i love. you. i love you. *licks mirror*,2966,485,
Tue Jun 06 00:24:29 +0000 2017,871885468824219649,if i. enter the room. without knocking. i can assure you. it is. very important,3122,441,
Mon Jun 05 16:59:24 +0000 2017,871773461202571264,key. to my heart? the biggest. stick. in all. the land. just kidding. you already have. my heart,3807,810,
Sun Jun 04 01:38:49 +0000 2017,871179400733233153,i. am now. entirely. in the lap area. to the top. of the priorities. i go,2486,242,
Sun Jun 04 01:32:49 +0000 2017,871177889718435841,human. is sad once more. i. licked the hand. and nothing,3986,640,
Sat Jun 03 14:19:25 +0000 2017,871008422703116289,when. i smile. on my back. and my tongue. hangs out. THAT. is living,3518,629,
Fri Jun 02 13:26:06 +0000 2017,870632619444240384,just did. an inside zoomie. ears back. and everything,4481,768,
Fri Jun 02 02:56:48 +0000 2017,870474248288182272,can i get. two pats. and a. ric flair,1647,213,
Thu Jun 01 21:07:49 +0000 2017,870386423622500353,um. hi. please excuse. just wanted to say. i like the planet,4781,1327,
Thu Jun 01 10:33:51 +0000 2017,870226882800824321,what. is really. important. is that i. am super good,2627,436,
Wed May 31 06:17:01 +0000 2017,869799860798713856,oh no. not covfefe,3138,595,
Tue May 30 20:23:36 +0000 2017,869650523280084993,"click. the tweet 

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤif. you love me   
ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ",3594,461,
Mon May 29 09:54:36 +0000 2017,869129842662531072,it is early. i am awake. who. knows why. maybe today. will. be extra good,2928,636,
Mon May 29 01:41:27 +0000 2017,869005737350934528,"so. so sorry. i forgot. to share thoughts. over. the weekend. i'll summarize:

2. STICK
f. SQUIRREL
8. FOOD
1. NOPE. STICK AGAIN
b. snooze",4410,773,
Fri May 26 23:02:52 +0000 2017,868241051168813056,very. very tired. today. exhausted. from being. so perfect. all the time,3967,1219,
Thu May 25 19:22:06 +0000 2017,867823104965435393,my tail. just spooked. me greatly,3738,696,
Thu May 25 14:54:14 +0000 2017,867755694174416896,bacon. ball,1203,90,
Thu May 25 14:53:29 +0000 2017,867755504315101184,hear. me out. a tennis ball. covered. in peanut butter. then wrapped. in bacon,2725,431,
Wed May 24 01:03:47 +0000 2017,867184317717499905,ok. but here's. the thing. i love you,3898,1367,
Tue May 23 19:04:29 +0000 2017,867093898803511296,still some. sadness around. i. can feel it. BUT. i will just. give the human. double. the attention. to make up. for it,3118,575,
Tue May 23 02:06:45 +0000 2017,866837776892928005,can i. have a piece? https://t.co/8eruPSh8J9,1096,51,
Tue May 23 01:43:28 +0000 2017,866831915139162112,i. love stories. i always. pretend to follow along. but sometimes. i get distracted. thinking about. peanut butter https://t.co/R29SkIvHcU,1886,175,
Tue May 23 01:37:45 +0000 2017,866830477998608384,my human. is sad again. i can tell. because. he only gave me. one pat. when i. put my head. in his lap,4009,599,
Mon May 22 18:36:34 +0000 2017,866724483691884544,i. get sad. when it rains. because. my zooms. are contained. to the indoors,4839,980,
Mon May 22 01:14:38 +0000 2017,866462273103114240,"good dogs:

4. lick
3) sit. sometimes
g. borkems
1. rollover (advanced)
3. eat things
a. zoom well
VI. know their. roman numerals
6. love",5442,1302,
Sun May 21 05:05:21 +0000 2017,866157945008140288,it is late. but i'm up. thinkin bout. what makes. ice cubes. so special,3558,699,
Sat May 20 15:04:22 +0000 2017,865946306740719617,yes. i have to work. on weekends. if by work. you mean. being. so good,3099,582,
Sat May 20 00:09:47 +0000 2017,865721178509516800,i guess. i could share. our secrets. here? but i don't think. anybody sees these. except. the blue birb,1429,81,
Sat May 20 00:04:30 +0000 2017,865719847631585281,dogs. we have. figured out happiness. if we. could talk. we'd tell you. all about it,2373,489,
Fri May 19 13:05:43 +0000 2017,865554059624759297,morning frens. today is good. i can. feel it,2197,544,
Fri May 19 01:13:23 +0000 2017,865374796087009281,the louder. i smack. my tail. against the floor. as i lay. on my side. the more. i love you,18423,4178,
Fri May 19 01:08:13 +0000 2017,865373494611193856,just got. a lengthy chin scritch. from my hooman. i'm. on top. of the world,2111,247,
Thu May 18 01:25:28 +0000 2017,865015448630329344,stressed? have a relax. take. deep breath. pet dog. repetition. is key,3042,991,
Thu May 18 00:08:20 +0000 2017,864996036800122880,but. i don't. have a car https://t.co/sKPV07MEEf,1110,59,
Wed May 17 22:17:31 +0000 2017,864968146473689089,i will. make it. impossible. to ignore. my presence. licks. borkems. nudges. tackles. i'll do it. all,2840,512,
Wed May 17 16:06:05 +0000 2017,864874674462896128,i. am walking. this is good. perhaps great even. the sun is warm. stick in my mouth. i will. trot now. because i'm so happy,3616,691,
Wed May 17 01:00:04 +0000 2017,864646668154744832,I. AM SO SICK. OF. just kidding i'm pretty. content right now,2312,366,
Tue May 16 00:46:50 +0000 2017,864280947264557058,i. circle an area. before. laying down. to show. the area. i know. my shapes,3734,702,
Mon May 15 19:33:35 +0000 2017,864202116340088833,"'don't. snooze your life. away."" ha. what a life. that would be",1777,372,
Mon May 15 01:13:14 +0000 2017,863925204606746625,i'd. pet me,2931,763,
Sun May 14 22:53:22 +0000 2017,863890006410235904,give. a mom. a hug today. say it's from me,2038,337,
Sun May 14 00:15:49 +0000 2017,863548366810120192,at the end. of the day. all. that matters. is the amount. of peanut butter. one. has consumed,2367,574,
Sat May 13 22:54:34 +0000 2017,863527920706494464,i. borked a bit. sniffed him thoroughly. turns out. he's also. a very. good dog,2161,224,
Sat May 13 22:51:44 +0000 2017,863527206215184385,another dog. has entered. my residence. i must. preserve the homeland,2812,426,
Sat May 13 20:16:08 +0000 2017,863488048364957701,where. is. my hat. i'll be addressing. my hooman soon. about this. injustice https://t.co/mLepVraAQc,589,26,
Sat May 13 03:58:51 +0000 2017,863242110014812160,hi. me again. i love you,4221,1342,
Fri May 12 23:27:57 +0000 2017,863173932412698625,good boy? check. great boy? checkmate. the best boy? perhaps. one day,2652,502,
Fri May 12 16:21:06 +0000 2017,863066512948686849,Quinn. do not worry. i will share. my hips. with you. if the goal. is not met https://t.co/cs3Kw6gVQN,978,84,
Fri May 12 13:24:36 +0000 2017,863022095994937347,please. don't lint roll. my hair. off of you. that. was a gift,30543,10042,
Fri May 12 00:51:15 +0000 2017,862832511210188800,in my opinion. which i value. puddles. are the best thing. that exist,2117,336,
Thu May 11 20:12:18 +0000 2017,862762308002512904,squirrels. are so fast,2529,568,
Thu May 11 17:42:17 +0000 2017,862724554166333441,"listen. closely. i need the following:

•pats (noggin-bound)
5. watermelons
1. all the sticks
b. a left shoe
12) another pat
5. a gameplan",2891,562,
Thu May 11 16:50:34 +0000 2017,862711542026035200,i. can't sing. but if i could. i'd never stop,1672,318,
Wed May 10 19:59:00 +0000 2017,862396572226777088,do not. i repeat. DO NOT. take. my ball. only throw,3283,845,
Wed May 10 03:16:19 +0000 2017,862144241782444038,good. night. don't let. the bed bugs. bamboozle,1856,376,
Wed May 10 00:44:59 +0000 2017,862106154519977984,a thing. to remember: good things. are good. BUT. bad things. are not good. i think,1562,291,
Tue May 09 22:35:10 +0000 2017,862073485811699712,i. think i'd make. a good. fbi director,2718,631,
Tue May 09 03:01:19 +0000 2017,861778077407379456,what if. what. if. people see them? oh man. should've thought. about that,1034,62,
Tue May 09 02:46:31 +0000 2017,861774354811686914,every time. i hit the blue button. when i've. completed. my thought. I get nervous. i. don't know. where my thought. goes,1748,196,
Mon May 08 22:16:06 +0000 2017,861706300668989440,i. just woke up. from an afternoon. snooze. stretched so big. yawned. thrice. i love you,2444,415,
Mon May 08 19:14:11 +0000 2017,861660519329013760,"dogs. good because:

9. soft
d. warm yes
4. we zoom
• we bork
4. but only. to protec
a. soft
2. we love
7. we listen
b. we love. some more",8919,3424,
Mon May 08 02:42:09 +0000 2017,861410865878269952,another day. another dollar. just kidding. i have. no money,3023,1280,
Sun May 07 19:46:33 +0000 2017,861306277502255105,sometimes. i cross my front legs. when I lay down. to feel. fancy,3712,808,
Sun May 07 07:54:19 +0000 2017,861127039356686337,i'm awake. right now. i can't sleep. thinking about. what might be. out there. past. the great yard's edge. more peanut butter. hopefully,2088,349,
Sun May 07 01:04:20 +0000 2017,861023860396785664,a boop. a day. goes. a long way,3055,830,
Sat May 06 04:11:38 +0000 2017,860708609520541696,one thing. you should know. about me. i. do not put up. with the loud sky booms. or accompanying. sky flashes. no sir,4085,774,
Fri May 05 20:23:09 +0000 2017,860590710671724544,snooze? affirmative,1457,347,
Fri May 05 14:25:32 +0000 2017,860500715617300481,henlo. i cuddled. with my human. all night and. i hope. he feels better now,2353,309,
Fri May 05 02:53:49 +0000 2017,860326640592850944,goodnight. frens. i love you. but you already. knew that,1688,300,
Thu May 04 21:36:17 +0000 2017,860246728292913153,sometimes. i steal. socks and other valuables. solely for attention,1886,337,
Thu May 04 19:43:14 +0000 2017,860218277963943936,i did this. got a brief smile. and two. noggin. pats. thank you https://t.co/6BbWCcqeHz,1120,46,
Thu May 04 19:40:06 +0000 2017,860217488667267072,my human. is very. sad today and. i don't. know what to do. he won't respond. to my presence,1688,167,
Thu May 04 04:59:29 +0000 2017,859995877213179904,snooze time. once again. frens,1258,129,
Thu May 04 04:58:53 +0000 2017,859995727073824768,i barked. so loud. the noise has not. reoccurred. take that. noise,1769,223,
Thu May 04 04:53:46 +0000 2017,859994435609923585,I HEARD. A NOISE. i am awake. ready to. confront. the source of. the noise. wish me luck,2656,470,
Thu May 04 00:24:59 +0000 2017,859926795310780417,oh me? i'm just. a good dog. doing good things,1542,346,
Wed May 03 21:50:57 +0000 2017,859888032618565634,GUYS. GUYS GUYS. i found. a slice of cheese. under the couch. nothing. can ruin. this day,2156,355,
Wed May 03 17:53:04 +0000 2017,859828167867076608,i greeted. my human. so well. this morning. got several pats. for my services,2714,441,
Tue May 02 13:27:09 +0000 2017,859398857180028928,LIKE HOW. MANY ACORNS. YOU. GOT IN THERE. DUDE,1089,95,
Tue May 02 13:23:19 +0000 2017,859397893798711296,why are we. obsessed with squirrels? secretly jealous. of their. cheek capacity,1801,292,
Tue May 02 00:13:45 +0000 2017,859199193411452932,i chose. the picture. with. the watermelon. because in that moment. i've never. been happier,1628,166,
Mon May 01 18:52:48 +0000 2017,859118422801731584,mid. afternoon snooze? you betcha,1343,313,
Mon May 01 13:59:57 +0000 2017,859044727139819520,the sun. is up. the tail. is a waggin,2568,807,
Mon May 01 01:45:18 +0000 2017,858859844673130496,i. was so good today,2266,390,
Sat Apr 29 20:27:31 +0000 2017,858417485317640192,care to. spare a pet. or two?,1157,98,
Sat Apr 29 01:34:49 +0000 2017,858132432641511424,if. you partake. in the partying tonight. do not forget. to look. for the dog. in the house. and give a pat,3416,783,
Fri Apr 28 20:27:35 +0000 2017,858055113537200128,do you ever. think of peanut butter. and 4 hours pass? me? that happens. twice a day,1666,328,
Fri Apr 28 11:08:48 +0000 2017,857914491396386816,it is early. but i must tell. you. i had a dream. that my tail. was wagging. and when i woke up. it WAS,2837,556,
Fri Apr 28 02:44:02 +0000 2017,857787463783329792,very late. for this pup. to be up. just wanted to say. i love you and. i mean it,1830,341,
Thu Apr 27 17:49:00 +0000 2017,857652817607225344,today. has been so good. let me tell you. a piece. of watermelon was. sneakily offered to me. under the table. i took. full advantage,2290,368,
Thu Apr 27 00:44:09 +0000 2017,857394905861193728,tonight i will dream. about Meeko. and him doing. super zooms. in the yard. forever https://t.co/bVIBIxQ0Be,745,51,
Wed Apr 26 22:59:45 +0000 2017,857368629423288320,i know. it is. a little late in the day. for a brief snooze. but i've had. a terribly long day. please excuse. the snooze,1894,400,
Wed Apr 26 01:50:09 +0000 2017,857049127841955840,"perks of. being dog:

3. no taxes
a. pets
• belly scritches
7. zooms (fast ones)
7. occasional swims
d) snoozes
1. peanut butter off. spoon",75290,24904,
Tue Apr 25 02:01:21 +0000 2017,856689556946657281,goodnight pals. friends. and companions. remember to. love thy dog,1309,256,
Mon Apr 24 18:54:37 +0000 2017,856582167698264064,wow. just chased the tail. unsuccess. room a spinnin. worth it. please pet to stabilize,2550,583,
Mon Apr 24 00:57:56 +0000 2017,856311211532701698,all the fuss. about dogs. and them being good. is very justified,1646,411,
Sat Apr 22 19:55:49 +0000 2017,855872791828213760,good ones https://t.co/wIcIauDKsp,860,82,
Sat Apr 22 19:51:47 +0000 2017,855871775263141889,i don't know. much science. BUT. i do. like the planet. march on,1779,332,
Sat Apr 22 01:25:56 +0000 2017,855593480067973121,i. will not stop. until. my belly is rubbed,1706,270,
Fri Apr 21 12:04:18 +0000 2017,855391742975242242,i am. awake and ready. to be good,1604,395,
Fri Apr 21 02:21:18 +0000 2017,855245024199659520,carefully https://t.co/KZsNCZyEfb,833,43,
Fri Apr 21 02:19:33 +0000 2017,855244585492238337,i. must apawlogize. my phone died. and it took. 24 hours. to get the thing. in the wall and. attach it to my. phone. no thumbs is hard,1523,175,
Wed Apr 19 02:09:17 +0000 2017,854517227764273153,big day tomorrow. must be off to snooze. but guess what. i love you,1449,279,
Wed Apr 19 00:04:11 +0000 2017,854485742768279554,one time. i was on a walk. and i saw a stick. so i picked it up. and carries it all. the way home,1523,224,
Tue Apr 18 20:44:26 +0000 2017,854435475024740358,we do. high level calculus. actually https://t.co/QrzXl87Bbu,1329,256,
Tue Apr 18 17:00:11 +0000 2017,854379038546288645,i'm not. very rebellious. but i would like. the mug. to feel included https://t.co/eizBQ861iA,547,33,
Tue Apr 18 13:40:31 +0000 2017,854328793137328129,GOOD MORNING. the sun is up. just had. a good walk. can't wait to. see what else happens. today,1274,199,
Tue Apr 18 01:04:38 +0000 2017,854138568389910529,goodnight everybody. remember to give. a dog. a firm noggin pat. before bed,1468,241,
Tue Apr 18 00:06:10 +0000 2017,854123855404834816,why. am i crying. in the club. right now. i don't even know. how i got in. a club https://t.co/W3rPmJoSXy,1472,250,
Mon Apr 17 00:20:43 +0000 2017,853765129594433536,dogs. should never be sad. or sick. or lonely. that's just. a personal opinion,2438,775,
Sun Apr 16 22:21:33 +0000 2017,853735137581957120,there are. a lot of smells happening. at the moment. please humans. be generous with. the causes. of those smells,1067,113,
Sun Apr 16 16:25:44 +0000 2017,853645594199552002,everything. is better now https://t.co/8RiKyzLWSV,678,43,
Sun Apr 16 16:20:54 +0000 2017,853644378413334529,my efforts. to find every egg. successfully. have gone woefully unnoticed. i thought. i did well,1122,107,
Sun Apr 16 16:06:19 +0000 2017,853640707763994625,i found. all the eggs first. but the candy inside. was quickly taken from me,1207,183,
Sun Apr 16 14:31:27 +0000 2017,853616834364493824,i'd like you all. to focus. attention. away from bunnies. and back to me. thanks,1495,291,
Sun Apr 16 03:36:42 +0000 2017,853452059617759233,lots of things. are happening. but deep breath. remain calm. pet dog. second deep breath. i love you,1654,522,
Sat Apr 15 01:17:27 +0000 2017,853054630426705921,guys. guess what. i just took a nap. and now i'm awake,1449,244,
Fri Apr 14 15:24:21 +0000 2017,852905370544742400,you're not a dog. and stop using. periods. incorrectly https://t.co/zZWUOzuxK8,847,57,
Fri Apr 14 14:08:42 +0000 2017,852886335505543168,good friday? please. make it. good boy friday. then we'll talk,1591,313,
Fri Apr 14 02:48:57 +0000 2017,852715267859861504,i have. a headache,698,58,
Fri Apr 14 02:47:45 +0000 2017,852714967111540736,girls. can be good boys. too? listen. i don't make rules. boys. can be good girls. goodness is universal. gender is irrelevant. all is good https://t.co/XAPJFmbHAX,1932,502,
Thu Apr 13 23:04:05 +0000 2017,852658677811216385,hi. i caught a bug with my tongue. like a gecko. thought i'd share. highlight. of the week,1367,158,
Thu Apr 13 14:58:14 +0000 2017,852536410921996288,come. meet me and Jonny said. you could pet him https://t.co/nZGj5U3jIV,351,11,
Thu Apr 13 02:43:42 +0000 2017,852351558629150720,i hope. your dreams. involve bacon. mine. most certainly will,1053,175,
Wed Apr 12 18:37:38 +0000 2017,852229236727455750,it is midday. not much. goin on. just wanted to say. i love you you're doing great,1387,327,
Wed Apr 12 14:13:04 +0000 2017,852162657465643008,mornings. are bad. because doing things is hard. however. one must persevere. to achieve the next. afternoon snooze,1799,601,
Wed Apr 12 00:24:45 +0000 2017,851954203425681409,i have come down. with a serious case. of hicpups,1024,115,
Tue Apr 11 19:38:09 +0000 2017,851882080422289409,i heard. it is pet day. i humbly request. that you pet me. all day,1690,291,
Tue Apr 11 00:27:38 +0000 2017,851592540532985857,hello everyone. today. i swallowed an acorn,1354,217,
Mon Apr 10 12:53:54 +0000 2017,851417959880769537,i just finished. the long snooze,983,136,
Mon Apr 10 01:00:41 +0000 2017,851238470110646272,i hope. your day was great. if not. wag tail. continue on. just life,5344,2083,
Sun Apr 09 19:00:11 +0000 2017,851147747273170944,hi. this morning. i woke up. and my legs were tangled. took me a minute,1359,156,
Sat Apr 08 22:41:09 +0000 2017,850840968605683712,"retriever? please. barely knew her. BUT yes i retrieve: sticks, balls, toys of any kind, rocks if they're shiny, frisbiss, sticks, peanut bu",1171,175,
Sat Apr 08 22:21:35 +0000 2017,850836044417294337,what breed am i? two words: an awesome one. i say this. because i don't see breeds. just good dogs,1695,307,
Sat Apr 08 20:22:22 +0000 2017,850806042808246273,it. is nap time. only wake me. if it's important. like peanut butter,1369,370,
Sat Apr 08 03:30:08 +0000 2017,850551306636972032,my best guess. is like 2 feet. maybe. BUT. keep in mind. i've never confirmed it https://t.co/crUZcSpjYA,1109,132,
Sat Apr 08 03:01:17 +0000 2017,850544047110443008,i... have some research to do. please excuse https://t.co/PX43uawSEP,850,71,
Sat Apr 08 02:59:27 +0000 2017,850543583887331328,it is late. i know. and i'm sorry if i wake you. with my knowledge. what if. i'm called a pet. because. now get this. you pet me.   woah,1540,315,
Fri Apr 07 23:30:00 +0000 2017,850490873683087360,obviously. if you're sneaky. taking the dog with you is an option. BUT. please remember. to return,1165,153,
Fri Apr 07 23:24:36 +0000 2017,850489515462492161,tonight. at the party. locate the dog. give a pat. leave,14895,3750,
Fri Apr 07 21:06:33 +0000 2017,850454774440964097,fun trick. you can use any vowel: scratches. scritches. scrutches. scrotches. scretches... and i still want it done to my belly,1275,198,
Fri Apr 07 19:54:51 +0000 2017,850436732021608448,a serious message. to my peers: how are you doing today i love you,1657,474,
Fri Apr 07 17:39:43 +0000 2017,850402724072050689,*thanks* https://t.co/91FiXkvOrA,521,20,
Fri Apr 07 17:35:50 +0000 2017,850401747503861760,another thing. you may not know. about me. is that I'm soft. and extremely susceptible to pets,1133,184,
Fri Apr 07 12:51:07 +0000 2017,850330096334499840,it is a good morning. why? one may ask. because. i received a firm pat on the noggin. already today,1414,257,
Thu Apr 06 23:09:38 +0000 2017,850123360231084033,let me make. myself. very clear.. i love you,1305,342,
Thu Apr 06 19:38:24 +0000 2017,850070203300020224,here's a thought: cheese. that i have access to,1081,212,
Thu Apr 06 17:13:31 +0000 2017,850033742823522305,ATTENTIONS: i caught my tail. time for. a new life goal,1506,275,
Thu Apr 06 01:02:06 +0000 2017,849789276606869504,what is that sound? me. being the best,1253,359,
Wed Apr 05 12:16:59 +0000 2017,849596729674432512,i. have never cried harder https://t.co/NSeey7Ladf,588,41,
Tue Apr 04 23:30:37 +0000 2017,849403868043763713,do not worry. i say. because sticks exist. and that's awesome,1009,175,
Tue Apr 04 13:03:01 +0000 2017,849245924962512896,nothing. like a good dog. in the morning,816,124,
Tue Apr 04 00:39:21 +0000 2017,849058775457816576,heylo. just wanted to say. i love you,1038,195,
Mon Apr 03 14:52:20 +0000 2017,848911047490777093,to all. who question my good boyness: how dare you,1414,294,
Mon Apr 03 02:40:45 +0000 2017,848726937870716928,time for the sleeps. cannot wait to be. a good boy. again tomorrow,1445,243,
Sun Apr 02 17:32:20 +0000 2017,848588924683517952,"these. are the things i know

1. barks
b. rolling and similar acts
6. being excite
2. patience (sometimes)
ë. novice tongue tricks
2. love",2102,533,
Sun Apr 02 00:08:49 +0000 2017,848326317829492736,here's. here's the thing. i stole your Chick-fil-A pickles out of the trash,1145,139,
Sat Apr 01 22:47:17 +0000 2017,848305798895857664,i'm thinking about peanut butter. again,1113,231,
Sat Apr 01 17:09:54 +0000 2017,848220892840824832,people are playing tricks. and i am not here for it,743,102,
Sat Apr 01 16:51:44 +0000 2017,848216321506627584,...h*ck https://t.co/h2delcA8SH,923,142,
Sat Apr 01 16:50:52 +0000 2017,848216102685597696,GIVE IT https://t.co/ujsinlITBk,948,167,
Sat Apr 01 16:48:59 +0000 2017,848215629291298816,i am not a fool. do not joke today. i will not fall for it,1162,255,
Sat Apr 01 01:11:14 +0000 2017,847979635145158657,it is night. time for the snooze. remember i love you,930,170,
Sat Apr 01 00:25:55 +0000 2017,847968231197429760,ice cubes excite me. why? you say? even i do not know,1068,179,
Sat Apr 01 00:11:02 +0000 2017,847964487219019777,what is love? baby. don't hurt me. nom nom,751,117,
Fri Mar 31 19:58:49 +0000 2017,847901013038202880,SNOOZES. are also good,553,61,
Fri Mar 31 19:04:46 +0000 2017,847887411820601344,i want it on record. i advocate naps. dozes. and sleeps of any kind,1078,362,
Fri Mar 31 03:51:53 +0000 2017,847657677526188034,late night post. i love you,719,100,
Thu Mar 30 13:44:20 +0000 2017,847444384496930816,sometimes. my tail wags before i know what i'm excited about,1872,411,
Thu Mar 30 03:05:23 +0000 2017,847283585610416129,goodnight. i hope your day was good. and your tomorrow is better,713,171,
Thu Mar 30 01:18:38 +0000 2017,847256720371892224,sometimes. when i'm sad. i think about peanut butter,935,250,
Wed Mar 29 18:19:45 +0000 2017,847151308746448896,i have an itch. it needs a scratch. however i cannot reach. somebody please,663,70,
Wed Mar 29 15:59:24 +0000 2017,847115984905404416,wonder why there's no jail for dog? no bad dogs. no jail required,1626,519,
Wed Mar 29 13:56:06 +0000 2017,847084955641483264,do a favor. pet a dog today,706,191,
Wed Mar 29 01:50:18 +0000 2017,846902303839825920,i must sleep now. for it is exhausting being so good,776,133,
Wed Mar 29 00:49:39 +0000 2017,846887038959964160,the best part about a belly rub. is the rub on the belly,947,155,
Tue Mar 28 21:07:10 +0000 2017,846831050110222336,sometimes. i forget my tail is there and it scares me,970,152,
Tue Mar 28 16:12:21 +0000 2017,846756859478462464,i have seen the stats. we are become too powerful https://t.co/qsZWp5nHCA,490,37,
Tue Mar 28 12:59:39 +0000 2017,846708361676668928,i have awoken and i love you,1506,353,
Tue Mar 28 02:49:47 +0000 2017,846554886607196162,it is sleep time. i was good today again. at least that is what I was told,694,79,
Tue Mar 28 01:24:08 +0000 2017,846533331600728064,to be dog? or not to be dog? wasn't my choice. but i'm glad i'm dog,899,120,
Mon Mar 27 23:30:53 +0000 2017,846504830369697794,a big misconception. is that dogs don't like hugs. counterpoint: i like hugs,765,72,
Mon Mar 27 22:57:54 +0000 2017,846496528952971265,sometimes i eat the food too fast and throw pup though,460,18,
Mon Mar 27 22:54:18 +0000 2017,846495622761009153,another thing. that is good and not bad. is food. most would agree,597,65,
Mon Mar 27 20:16:39 +0000 2017,846455951137914888,naps. they are very good. i support them,946,349,
Mon Mar 27 15:01:31 +0000 2017,846376644831051776,some say. dog life is easy. no worries no taxes. i say. walk a mile with my shoe. which reminds me. i took your shoe,6211,1902,
Mon Mar 27 13:37:55 +0000 2017,846355605933740032,today. will be good. like me,1068,262,
Mon Mar 27 02:51:32 +0000 2017,846192937931325441,today i was a good dog i think. tomorrow i will do just as good. if not improve,994,199,
Mon Mar 27 02:35:29 +0000 2017,846188897445052416,when i am before wall. i wonder. what is beyond. more watermelon? unlikely. so i go about my day https://t.co/intQlVs3wJ,489,26,
Mon Mar 27 01:25:59 +0000 2017,846171408023654400,in my mouth. is a watermelon. it is there because i want it to be,729,72,
Mon Mar 27 01:10:18 +0000 2017,846167460134948865,what is cool about dogs like me is that. we enjoy pats on the noggin. same is true for most dogs,748,87,
Mon Mar 27 00:43:52 +0000 2017,846160811164872704,"dogs are good, yes, BUT... something to consider. we are also great",10752,3033,