tweet,intention
my life is meaningless i just want to end my life so badly my life is completely empty and i dont want to have to create meaning in it creating meaning is pain how long will i hold back the urge to run my car head first into the next person coming the opposite way when will i stop feeling jealous of tragic characters like gomer pile for the swift end they were able to bring to their lives,1
muttering i wanna die to myself daily for a few months now i feel worthless shes my soulmate i cant live in this horrible world without her i am so lonely i wish i could just turn off the part of my brain that feels ,1
work slave i really feel like my only purpose in life is to make a higher man money parents forcing me through college and i have too much on my plate i owe a lot of money i know this is the easy way out but i am really tired all of these issues are on top of dealing with tensions in america as well i want to rest,1
i did something on the 2 of october i overdosed i just felt so alone and horrible i was in hospital for two days now when i walk down the hallways of my school they always look at me weird and say i should take more pills and i hate it i have no one i have this voice in my head now and it wont go away and i cant be myself anymore thanks for reading,1
i feel like no one cares i just want to die maybe then i d feel less lonely,1
i am great and wonderful i am worth it except not enough to be anyones first choice everyone tells me how wonderful i am but not enough to be loved like i love others i put aside everything for people but i am too crazy to hold a job too nothing to be really loved i am not entitled and i dont even have the right to die on my own terms and i am an asshole for being angry about it for being upset that i am there when other people treat me like shit and cant be bothered wheni amhurt,1
i ll be dead just you wait and see my last words before my death for whoever is interestedi am sorry but youre better off without me youll learn to live without me it wont be difficult now i shall die ,1
health anxiety prompting some bad thoughts in my head i have been struggling for 2 months now with some health issues as a 26 year old male my pessimistic nature just makes me think about the worst my hands and feet are currently tingling and burning i just keep picturing myself on a wheelchair being a burden to my family girlfriend and so on suicide thoughts come to my mind as i prefer to put a sudden end to everything instead of deteriorating myself day after day losing motor and cognitive functions life is already hard as it is and now my health is failing for the first time ,1
everything is okay but nothing feels okay i ve always been a bit unhappy as a kid too i think although i can t remember much of my childhood i dont want to kill myself but sometimes that thought just comes creeping and it scares me a little a few weeks ago a problem came up it was a financial problem quite fixable but i just couldn t handle it i tied myself a noose and everything i was gonna do it i was all alone in the house with my dog so there was really no one that would be able to stop me i didnt do anything but i felt like i could have done it completely on impulse over a fixable problem leaving behind everything i love and my hopeful future i feel it now too creeping up on me everything should be fine but i cant help the feeling that i should just do it like everything would be easier for everyone if they would just realize how little they need me ,1
ptsd and alcohol i had some extremely horrible violent stuff happen to me a few years ago i was 21 nowi am26 i forgot about repressed it or whatever for several years something unrelated one day made me remember everything it all came flooding back into my mind and it was like i was reliving it all and felt like i was having a never ending panic attack for about 4 days this buried trauma explained a lot about why my alcohol pornography cigarette usages were all insanely high to the point they fucked up my life and relationships with people close to me in signifigant waysi amafraid to talk about what happened to anyone even people i trust like my family or a potential therapist due to extreme irrational paranoia about the people involved finding out and hurting me again and sometimesi amjust completely consumed by negative horrible thoughts and cant escape them i tried getting a sliding scale therapist a couple years ago and even t and gave up on the idea of therapy i dont know what to do i dont want to give up ,1
i dont have long left this past month has been the worst 3 weeks ago i went on date with a guy and went to his place afterwards and he tried to force me to go farther than i wanted to go ive been afraid to even hang out with a guy since the next day i was fired from my job i spent the whole rest of that week alone filling out job app which didnt help with my depression the next week i started having some issues went to get tested and found i had gotten gonorrhea from the guy that tried to force me i went to dinner at a friends house and my car ended up getting towed so i owe my mom 150 for that i almost attempted suicide that day last week and i started work last week but will only be getting a partial paycheck because of when i started and i amcurrently 75 for my bank account and behind on my bills so i dont know how much this check is gonna help i just dont have any fight left in me anymore,1
i almost attempted suicide again when someone blackmailed me and threatened to have me thrown in jail for something i didnt do he knew where i worked and my parents names,1
i am 16 and hate myself so much i have very little friends an introvert never had a girlfriend been bullied a lot and rejected a lot please help me i want to kill myself it would make all this go away i dont deserve to be on this earth since i write notes on paper of how worthless and stupid i am i want to become someone in the it field but i am too stupid to get in there anyways and jobs nowadays need social people and i am not one of them ive never had a girlfriend before and i want to have one because being a virgin is a bad thing and i could never live with that feeling if i dont have any friends or a girlfriend wheni am an adult i plan on committing suicide can you please help me thanks for reading,1
goodbye everybody abusive dad bullying being a wimp because i never had a father figure in my childhood never getting to fuck the girls i wanted to fuck never having a say in anything becausei am too weak to step up three tours in iraq killed people who tried killing me saw those people kill my friends lost both legs to a roadside i ed wanted to become a physician but dreams are exactly that a fantasy and not something achievable spent 10 years in prison after cops ransacked my home and found 5 grams of weed i grow tired of wading through this hell every day ive been waiting for this moment for a long time and i have a 9mm ready to get the job done quick and clean fuck this place,1
i cant stop fucking upi amselfish gutless disrespectful spiteful rude self righteous arrogant ignorantim forgetful unfelpful self centeredim stupid clutzy lazy depressed constantly exhausted i havent filled out any of my college applications because i didnt even plan on living this long i just want to die so i can stop disgracing my family and inconveniencing my mom i kind of want to be a ballistician they look at bullets from dead bodies to see what gun it came out of but honestly i am more likely to be the subject of one and i dont have any friends in or out of school why am i like this,1
i ve got exactly 23 days of life left and ive never felt so calm or at peace id rather not wait till then but its the first day i will be completely alone and have the time i need this,1
i hate my parents so much i want to kill myself to spite them especially my dad i almost do not want to have children because i do not want my dad to become a grandfather just like how he didnt want me to have a girlfriend or friends growing up i dont think i would even goto his funeral if he died i hate you from the bottom of my heart you only had me in order to chain down my mom you hated and ignored yelled at me since i was a little boy and now i hate you forever this hatred is killing me ,1
i cant live in this world ok its too much its too bad and too evil and i cant handle it anymore theres so much more evil in the world than good almost everyone is just apathetic about all the suffering in the world or people actively contribute to it people harass hate and kill each other for no reason people get killed by natural disasters and most people dont give a shit at all they just think whatever better them than me and move on with their lives ,1
why is mankind afraid of death lately i am asking myself more often and often why do we fear death nowdays back in the middle ages for example of course you fear getting in hell and stupid shit like that but today even if it is completly painless why would you struggle to just end it all i myself am not suicidal i would say even if i think about it more than often to just quit go the pussy but easy way why should i struggle with life instead of going the easy route personally i think its because mankind fears the unkown we dont know whats after death because none really came back from actual death and reported about it like actual clinical dead but is is really the only reason like i know i am not going to kill myself yet and it probably stays that way because i am just too much of a pussy to be a pussy if you get what i mean ,1
after failing once this is how i feel i wish that suicide was funded by the government i wish guns for suicide would be like condoms given to teens so if they are going to do it they do it right i wish euthansia was legal i wish that i wouldnt have to fear buying poison or a gun off the black market because if i get caught my life would get worse ,1
my girlfriend left me i hate college i have no direction in life i just want to go to sleep and never wake up ive been thinking about suicide a lot recently and different methods the only reason i havent done it so far is because i am too much of a pussy i have access to enough drugs to overdose on i live near plenty of tall buildings i am seeing a therapist and psychiatrist all the pills they ve given me have only exacerbated my symptoms i dont care about leaving everything behind because i dont want to hurt the people around me but why should i go on living my shit life just so others arent inconvenienced one of these days i ll be drunk enough to finally pull the trigger figuratively literally ,1
i am going to kill myself this weekend i dont see any reason to stay alive nothing has changed enough to make me want to stay i was raped as a kid and now all i am to people is a sex object good bye everyone ,1
i am going to kill myself tonight i am a lesbian grad student at a conservative big name school in america my life up until now has been shit i am lonely girls only want to use me for sex i dont feel loved by friends ive been struggling to find a dissertation lab i invented something for a professor in undergrad but now shes stealing it and giving me no credit i want to make sure i do it the right way so that i am gone i am just fucking tired of not feeling valued,1
i ended up in the hospital after suicide attempt and now my heart is messed up they wont let me leave until i am medically stable and then i have to go to psych hospital but i am not sure it will work,1
my 13 year old daughter overdosed on about 6 grams of wellbutrin and 1500mg of zoloft i am trying so hard to make this right she was airlifted to children s hospital and now she s laying in her hospital bed unresponsive and her muscles are jerking this has been the scariest day of my life that child is my entire world she s all i have i have out my heart and soul into raising her i never want to lose this little girl but here i am she s about to be 14 she s a little on the eccentric side but she has a heart of gold she s never met a stranger but ever since 8th grade has started she has been getting bullied and the teachers don t really do anything about it this was her way of coping i went to wake her for school this morning and found her covered in vomit and she had been hallucinating and having seizures for hours probably what if i hadn t found her why does she feel like this is the only way i want to make all the bad go away how do i do this how do i help her cope i didn t know who to turn to,1
now my heart wants to die too i ve been struggling with depression trauma and suicidal thoughts for years but honestly things havent been as painful as they are now i am here sitting alone and alienated confused depressed miserable helpless and alone and honestly at this point i just hate life,1
29 and missed my chance at love death cant come for me fast enough 144 iq thats 9983th percentile i also have a ms and ba from top ten schools cant figure this out somehow i am too old to attract someone i am attracted to and i am behind where a ivy graduate should be 42k at 29 years old in a temp position its just not enough to make me worth something i am so tired of not being loved for who i am and envy the attention women get i dont think i will ever be wanted like that just not good enough,1
i am newly married and my husband is wonderful i love him so much we are very much in love so why am i suicidal i honestly cant figure it out 9 days out of 10 i am absolutely fine happy positive excited about life then it hits me depression crippling anxiety suicidal thoughts i cut i cry i crumble on days like this i cant believe that anyone cares at all about me except my husband then i feel like i dont deserve him and sometimes push him away whats wrong with me what should i do i just cant shake the thought that everyone would be better off without me especially my husband,1
i am empty i ve been focusing on school and work but every day i feel worse and worse last night i got blackout drunk didnt help made me feel even worse i know that my loneliness comes mostly from my conscious decisions cant live with people cant live without them the only reason i havent killed myself yet is that i fear the pain ,1
the time has finally come i am finally ready to end it all after 25 years of a sickening life i am ready to end it all i should have done it earlier but my life was all about coping i ll die with depression and as an involutary celibate thought of resorting to sex work before death but i have no motivation for that i ll die in the city where i was born the bridge is 75 meters tall so it should be enough to kill me if i fall on concrete goodbye meaningless world,1
what now so i am 17 everyone knows i want to kill myself but nobody really acknowledges it as though even if i did it it would just be inevitable and nobody would give a shit which is true and i amfucking sick its been like 3 years of suicidal thoughts but over time theyve become disgustingly close to becoming reality and i am fucking scared i just want to die you know maybe i will,1
i dont know why i keep trying my home life has always been incredibly toxic and my parents have always been a major contributor to my depression and anxiety i just feel like a worthless individual i dont have a job and i am not doing anything and i have no motivation to even leave the house let alone my bed all my life shit like this has continued to happen to me and sometimes i look at all the pills i have to take and consider just shoving a handful in my mouth and ending it all but most of the time i just lie in my bed and wish i could die without actually having to kill myself because i am a coward i am so tired of hearing that things are gonna get better,1
running out of option it physically hurts to breathe i have no dream or goal or ambition or motivation i am tried of it all i have been to hospital er psyche ward therapist difference medications my girlfriend the only person i really loved who wasnt family wants to just go do drugs and drink or whatever the fuck leaving me here with nothing so i cant at least just talk to her any more about how i feel it hurts it hurts so much so much pain and why i dont know why was i born to suffer like this if god is real he wants me dead and i do too,1
i want everyone to feel my pain i am sick of everyone trying to hold me down and take advantage of mei amsick of always being second choicei amsick of being neglected feared and hated i want everyone to feel my wrath and my pain i am sick of hiding in the shadows and just taking it all i want everything they ever did to me to happen to them and 100 times over i hope they never get reliefi amsick of people and i am not afraid to admit it and it makes me sick to see so many happy people with perfect lives they dont deserve it if i cant be happy why should anyone else be,1
i cannot wait for my mum to fucking die all i wait is for her to die then i am going to lie under the train that very day and foolow suiti cannot wait i would kill her to be able to kill myself sooner but we are two in a very intimate relationship in short i can not kill her guns are forbiden in my country i have got only a knife or a brick to do it and so i cant do it it s very bloody and slow method cannot do anything my tonsils stink i hate human stench in all forms except dashas shits i hate my body hate arteries these nose and lips and saliva and eyes and all i hate human body except dashas one i want to fuck and to be with my dasha ,1
codeine ativan sleep meds alcohol tell me why i shouldnt i am hopeless i m ready to give up,1
i am just a mess i ran out of meds and i havent had the strength or energy to go refill them i went to class today and ended up sitting on a sidewalk ugly crying and making people think i am a fucking headcase all i do is sleep and i never feel rested i m alone in a new town and i have no friends and all i want is someone to sit with me and talk a while i am hanging in there because i brought my cats here to this strange place and i cant just leave them to think theyve been abandoned i just took a three hour nap and all i got was a headache and still tired i have no clean laundry my room is a clusterfuck i havent combed my hair in days or eaten and instead of doing things that need donei amlying here trying to avoid intrusive self harm thoughtsi amlazy and awful and i cant get myself to stop it,1
i hate feelings at this point i think i am clinging onto life waiting for the right set of circumstances to just let go my feelings keep holding me back i hate them i hate having to feel i hate each and every one of them theres something comforting about the idea of nonexistence something comforting about the idea of nothing i long for it,1
i just want to sleep so much has gone wrong in these 20 years and its still getting worse i can not change most of what is going on around me but it will invariably affect me i dont want to give it the chance so if i go and sleep and dont wake up i wont have to deal with it,1
standing in supermarket line and thinking how does it feel to jump off a high story building ive read stories that during the fall it makes you feel alive due to sudden surge of adrenaline okay lets back to supermarket few more people to go then thinking will this ever stop feeling like total zombie i got out of store sit on public bus thinking how i am institutionalized and tied to hospital bed in psych wardslol okayi amback in the busokayi amdealing with this crap for 5 years i totally have no energy remaining i have job that requires working part time from home okay i do my job and fall asleep immediately last session my psych told me that there is no working medicine for me because we tried everything currently on low dose of ssri and benzo my real world productivity is literally 0 i go sometimes out for a drink with friends feeling like depersonalized shit begging from inside that they stop talking to me sometimes because i have no power to engage in conversation,1
i am worried i might lose it tomorrow i cant really tell anyone for fear of worrying them i will be one year and eleven months clean and sober tomorrow i am going to be off my methadone maintenance program in two weeks i am going to walk home from the court pack all my things and clean my apartment and say my goodbyes its just too much i am really hoping it doesnt come to that i hope so fucking much i dont want to kill myself i dont want to do that to anyone i am not strong enough to start over again my chest feels like its going to explode with anxiety i feel like i am going to break down crying in front of the judge tomorrow practically pleading for my life ,1
death cant be much worse i am 22 male my girlfriend left i have been staying late in the office for too long because i cant cope with the workload friends are non existent hate my family and they hate me i just want to die i dont see any other option at this point,1
every day just brings me closer to death i am 21 years old working student i want to kill myself life is unbearable i have no skills not talents and i am absolutely boring person so i spend most of my free time alone i really want to find a girlfriend but i see no way how could i find one when i am useless like this i used to go away from sadness by listening to music but these days i am bored of music and just want to go to sleep and never wake up ,1
please forgive me i tried to get help i dont know what else to say i am tired of being a burden on everyone else i am tired of everyone writing me off i cant help who i am and i have tried to get help i have a plan and in a few weeks i will no longer be a part of this world,1
just got in a car accident and i wish it had been worse and that i had gotten fatally injured when i was driving sometimes i imagine just crashing into something and dying i have had some close calls recently with other drivers and i often think afterward that i wish they had ended up hitting me i dont know why i feel like this ive been taking sertraline the generic version of zoloft which has stopped me from feeling horrible on a normal day to day basis but whenever something out of the ordinary happens like this car accident or i mess something up its like i had never taken the medsi feel like i both want to and dont want to die these last couple of years have been horrible for me but i still have dreams and want to do things before i started taking the sertraline i was actively planning my death but now its like i feel half wanting to keep going and half wanting to die before my life moves forward too much this car accident is going to cost me and my family a lot of money and its all my fault maybe they would have gotten some compensation if i had died if i wasnt around anymore they would be sad but i also wouldnt be able to disappoint them and cost them more than they can afford anymorei ama terrible daughter,1
do you ever feel empty and you had to pick a number from 15 depending how you feel about it i could write my funeral speech now but what is the point in afew years i would be forgotten anyway ,1
i am looking for someone to talk to all i want to do is die ,1
i will probably kill myself before 2018 i have always been depressed as long as i can remember summers are better but school always makes it much worse i probably would have tried to kill myself last may if i had a car now i do last may was the worst its ever been i transferred to an early college program soi amtaking classes at the cc instead of my shitass high school ive only been in school for two weeks and its progressing way faster than normal idk why i want to die nothing traumatic has happened to me but i do i hate myself so much i will probably co myself if this doesnt get better soon,1
if i am not happy by age 25 i think its best that i just die i am 19 years old i have had anxiety my entire life and depression since i was 12 and its gotten worse and worse over the years add misophonia to that and it makes life torture its especially bad now because i dont know what the fucki am doing in life the only reason i have to live is for my friends and family and because i am too scared to die which is ironic because i wish i was dead most of the time or at least i wish i had never been born but life is scary too anyway if things dont get better in the next 5 years then i fucking quit or maybe i ll pussy out like the pathetic piece of shit coward i am i dont know ,1
i sexually harassed my crush i feel like there is no place for me in the world for a long time now about half a year i have been touching my crush who is not interested in me without consent i work alongside him and we are both part of a very tight group of friends so he has to see me every day and every single time i try to touch him stare at him and sometimes even take pictures of him only recently i have realized the implications of what i have done and that i am hurting him i feel like i betrayed him and myself for doing something that is completely against all my values i want to change and i know i can but i amafraid i will lose the will to live if i cant get myself to stop touching him ,1
i think my moment is coming it seems that the pieces of my life are already set it seems that fate so wants my mom will leave the house for a while for her work seems to be my opportunity to be free nobody cares if i die every day i get up and i think about suicide and how to carry it out i wish i had a gun i think i will find a way to do it ive already lost everything i can not enjoy my music like before the girl i like is in love with someone else i have no friends and i never had a girlfriend that disgust of life maybe is better leave this place ,1
i am getting close and i am not sure what to do anymore i have been really struggeling for about 5 month now i broke up with someone who i loved very much i first turned to drinking and drugs to ease the pain but i got quite suicidal it got so bad i had to make some major changes in my life or i didnt think i was going to make it i have done absolutely everything i can to pick myself up therapy psychiatrist lexapro quit drinking quit smoking started working out started eating right started travelling focused on work and even started hobbies despite all this somet it feels like nothing is helping i can barely get out of bed most daysi amon the verge of tears every day it is difficult to do anthing its even hard to write this post i dont know what to do anymore i wake up everyday feeling like i am being tortured its been 5 months and it is driving me nuts feeling like i cant escape i could really use some words of wisdom right now,1
i dont know anymore these 4 words make my life a living hell no matter who i say it to in the sudden absence of happiness i know only sadness i have nothing to look forward to because i have fucked my chances up at even having something decent no job no girlfriend and absolutely nothing to motivate me at this point i dont even know why i am still alive it pains me that i am alive,1
my life has no purpose i am broke lonely and miserable i am so my life is a sack of shit my family legitimately hate me i am poor i have some friends but dont hear from them unless i get in touch first i have been single for almost a decade generally i am ok with being single but depression grinds my world to a halt doctors dont help me nobody around me seems to understand this has gone on for 30 years i am tired cant do it any more i just want to lay down and die quietly all i want in life is to disappear,1
i am going to kill myself right now i am sorry you are feeling so desperate,1
i want to die where can i go to commit suicide give me an injection as i am unconconscious and end my nightmare life i want to die,1
why am i so weak that i cant keep up besides its not my new jobs fault thati amfeeling this way so why should i punish them by going on a leaveim supposed to be better than this at this pointi am so terrified of taking stress leave that nowi amstarting to be convinced killing myself is the only option my doctor has me on meds probably because i am crazy i dont know i dont have any friends either or a family support net so dont with that friend shit and all i have is my boyfriend to talk to but this isnt his problem i wont saddle him with my weakness i am a shit person i deserve this,1
so i have been in a suicide rehab center for the last month i am just over life it is not sadness or depression i just give up it would just be easier to be dead ,1
if i tell a psychiatrist that i am suicidal will they immediately have me shipped away and handcuffed to a bed i always lie,1
these thoughts about killing myself her getting louder,1
didn t kill myself yet i guess that is something to be proud of i had a gun but my roommate found it planning on finding a lonely bridge to end it i really want a reason to live but i just can t find one,1
in debt i will kill myself on thursday i am going to stab myself in the stomach or take a lot of pills i m not sure which to do yet sorry for spelling and grammar i am sure nobody here cares anyways ,1
i shouldnt want to kill myself i have so many advantages in life all of my immediate family is alive and still involved in my life i have several friends who i frequently talk to i make more than enough money to live on easily but every night i go home and drink hoping i will forget about how much i just want it all to end every single moment that i am sober i spend thinking that people might actually see me for who i really am a lazy waste of space who lucked into success and wheni amdrunk i worry that people will find out thati am trying to slowly kill myself with alcohol fuck i always thought if i could just be successful i would be happy well i am not,1
i m not safe with myself i have been suicidal for a while now i have made 4 attempts this year and yet nobody seems to get it i honestly cant say if i am going to kill myself today i keep breaking down crying and i dont know why i hate myself ,1
feeling numb hate my job i hate waking up everyday i feel nothing feel like i am on autopilot i got dumped 3 months ago almost from a 4 year relationship nothing cheers me up anymore my parents are in another state so i just can t go see them whenever i want i don t know if i could actually end it myself but i do dream of other ways like a car hitting me and killing me instantly i sometimes think of just taking a bunch of pills and letting that be it ,1
i have bipolar 2 disorder and i have become hyper aware of my mood swings they get bad enough where i can barely get out of bed talk to my friends or even work and during the manic episodes i dont sleep maybe 34 hours at night my mind races i make highly unrealistic goals and then get hit again with the crippling depression ,1
i think its tonight because i dont care and i have nothing left i dont care i had something so great so promising and they stripped it down past the bone into splinters then pissed on the splinters i dont want happiness i dont want dreams i dont care that if i post a note everyone will desperately try to stop me i know they ll care when i am about to die or dead i am numb i am no longer scared and the hurt is too much i gotta go i have nothing left i had a lot of love to give but its gone with me i just wanted someone to hear me before the end ,1
i want to kill myself but i am afraid to die i have been dealing with this pain for about 3 years i have seen many therapists and have tried medication nothing has worked i told my parents tonight that i wanted to commit suicide and it has caused nothing but chaos in my house i have been looking online for ways to die and have figured that drinking and taking medication is the way to go for me i have already been drinking but have been hesitant to take medication because i am scared to die i do not believe in god i do not know what comes after death i am scared of pain and afraid that it will hurt and i will not succeed,1
i can t do this anymore i have no hope i m a senior in college and i just want to die i don t fit in and i feel like no one cares about me everyday i wake up and i try to tell myself that today is a new day but it doesn t work i hate everything about myself and i feel so alone i have no one i don t care how i look and i don t even want to get up in the mornings i just want to end it all end all the suffering and the pain i just want to feel nothing for my anxiety and depression to leave me alone i don t know where to turn but i just can t keep doing this anymore ,1
stuck every time i try and kill myself i cant go through with it but i cant keep living feeling this way why cant i just let myself die,1
at this point i dont even mind the pain i just want out of life,1
i feel like my time is coming soon like i m running out of time i ve had enough and i m ready to call it quits i ve attempted before but this time i can t afford to fail i have many different pills and other ways i can end it i just need to figure out the best time when maybe tonight maybe tomorrow who knows,1
with my financial situation getting worse so does my mental health suicide is my plan z and i feel like i am about to reach plan z i think i should have just committed suicide at 15 years old when i thought about it a lot now i grew up and i made my life worse ,1
preparing for death letting things go i just have one last thing to let go of not trying to get people to panic and attempt to save me as if they could just feels good to be real somewhere to share whats going on to wonder if it will make someone else feel less alone perhaps just me ,1
my unofficial diagnosis is bipolar schizoaffective disorder it was a nightmare with so much trial and error with all sorts of therapies my medication a cocktail of about 20 pills a day has gotten me to a point where i can function day to day i dont know how i feel right now all i know though is i want it to stop ,1
feeling overwhelmed and wanting to die i tried to kill myself today all i wanted was my boyfriend to help me somehow since he sees me on this depression spiral but all he says is it will get better i know it will but currently i feel trapped in my own home i have no friends and i constantly feel weak or unmotivated i have no desire to have sex with my partner and tend to find the worst in him lately i love him but some things he does amplifies my depression i dont want to die but when i get hurt lonely or overwhelmed the one thought i cant shake is killing myself ,1
i have been reading about a group called dignitas in switzerland they provide assisted suicide via drugs that the member you have to become a member administers themselves anyone have any insight on americans travelling there for this purpose apparently they have helped many british and german citizens pass peacefully ,1
i dont tell people how i feel because i am pretty sure nobody cares about me even writing this brings me anxiety because i know i have to interact with people i just wish i could cry myself to sleep and never wake up no one would every truly miss me,1
i want to overdose on advil and benadryl and just end this i have enough to do the job i am really tired of this shit i just want to give up,1
i am a 20 year old transgirl who has been on hormones for about 4 months recently i suffered from a depressive episode due to gender dysphoria until about a couple weeks ago i just got a job and i was presenting myself as female and using a female name the only problem is that i still look somewhat masculine so i get stared at constantly and dismissed i cannot connect with any of my coworkers because i look and act strange to them i know i am supposed to wait on these hormones but i am really scared what if they dont work what if i ll get beaten up what if i lose my job due to just being me i want to be happy but its so hard its gotten to the point where all i do is just think about death and hope maybe i will get a do over i just cant take any of this anymore,1
school is the worst i get so nervous and worked up about it that i throw up or pass out i will force myself to pass out by hyperventilating just to get a break from it all i dont know what to do and i am starting to get suicidal thoughts my mom only shames me for procrastinating too much or poor me shit please help,1
i keep repeating to myself kill yourself kill yourself do it already i am ready to listen to my inner thoughts i have attempted in the past but at the last moment either i live through it just in a hellblaze of pain becoming a even bigger failure or my body stops me my mind screams to do it but sometimes my body just stops me sometimes my body will give up on life and i ll lay there wanting to shed a tear yet i know no one will care so i lay quietly in the darkness for days on end i try to drown out the voices with all i have left music but recently i dont care to listen to all i have to do what has stuck with me for all my life i am ready to listen to the voices i m ready to listen to my inner shouts if only i had easier access to guns my life would be so much harder but i dont instead i have to go out in either a more painfull way i hope others continue to have the will to carry on but sadly i think i lost mine ,1
the only reason i havent killed myself is because i am terrified of it just being worse or being stuck as a ghost or some crap like that however much i want to live and i really do i simply cannot stand the pain of the reality i am in or the way people treat me,1
some days i feel deeply depressed i am a highly sensitive person diagnosed with bipolar depression it must be annoying dealing with me because who wants to be with someone who always walk around eggshells or simply cant get over things quickly i ve been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder too i am frustrated i cannot seem to see the big picture why cant i love myself it annoys me that some smug asshole goes to sleep perfectly fine even though he hurts others he lashes out at others while i self destruct i feel pathetic,1
cheated on my gf drunk and now i wanna kill myself didnt know what i was doing was shitfaced drunk an d now i am all alone with no gf and my friends hate me for cheating i dont want to feel pain anymore ,1
buying a gun tomorrow since stores are closed i ll spare you the details of my life since no one will give a shit anywayi amjust done with everything nothing helps yes i am well aware that i m not alone it doesnt make a shit of difference nothing can be done and i m sick of wasting life time money air as much as i love the people in my life they arent worth living with this shit nor are they of any help because they dont know what to do i tried knives but i cant bring myself to draw blood ,1
i am so tired i just want to sleep but i m afraid of what i might dream of i guess its just my own fault i guess that all of my problems are my own fault ive heard thats supposed to make me feel better because it means i can work to get better and change things it only makes me feel worse because i know i wont people wont care if i die i ve asked some at least then i could rest i wouldnt be tired i wouldnt be,1
i am not sure if it s normal to consider suicide on a normal basis i m an engineer for a larger corporation and lately i ve been thinking what s the point at all ,1
the only thing keeping me alive is gone i guess i could as well kill myself now,1
i am a failure a loser i m a waste of life and i want it to be over we can finally close this pathetic story the only concern i have is debt i cant leave my family with that,1
i don t think i can live with what he did to me i was sexually abused for years and i can t take one more second of reliving the feeling of his hands all over my body i would rather take my life than live with the guilt and shame that i feel over this i can t tell anyone what happened to me i feel like i am going insane,1
i need to put myself to rest i ve crashed my motorcycle today i don t know how but i m mostly fine it was the most beautiful moment of my life i know it s sick to think that but it felt good to see people approach me to help me after the crash the feeling of my body being dragged by my bike for several meters on the ground looking at the sky while this one song played in my earphonesi ve just felt emptiness for the past yearsi don t want this second chance i want to get on my broken bike bring it up to speed one last time and then just end it all i just don t want to drown anymore please,1
seems like instead of me hoping i ll live past 27 i am praying i ll live past 20 i have really all but given up right now each and every day i think about disappearing from the world more and more as if its becoming an actual option ,1
i m not good at pretending that i am ok so i look like shit i dont smile i still have acne i am 19 i have black circles under my eyes and i have a very pale skin cuz i never leave my house only when i go to school so people stare at me every day some of them point at me and they just laugh some of them give me that disgusted look and some of them just tell me that i m ugly or that i look like a fucking methhead i m so fucking depressed for many other reasons but i think this is the worst one i also have social anxiety so i dont have any friends and i never had a gf when i try to talk to someone i just turn red and its so embarrassing i have already attempted suicide last month and i still feel like shit,1
i am done my last post was how i am tired of living and the only good thing left in my life was my girlfriend but she just broke up with me and i feel so alone and hopeless i dont really feel like going on i really want to kill myself,1
thinking about killing myself i got raped at 10 years old by a drunk homeless man and who is trying to find where i live and i am now 19 year old boy with no friends my gf dumped me everyone hates me my mom and dad hate me i got abused when i was kid i dont have any reason to live anymore i want to kill myself,1
generic shit whats the fucking point of life if you are literally incapable of achieving happiness like fuck dude i am drunk and i feel even shittier than sober i give myself one week and if i still feel like complete fucking shit like i have been for the past few years thats it i m done,1
i basically just feel like a prisoner in my own life i just feel like i dont have any strenghth left to get up go outside on a regular basis or finding anything that makes me happy i am just totaly dead inside and fake to be happy,1
i cant take this anymore might as well end this sorry as life,1
i dont feel right i used to have goals and things that i looked forward to but every day that passes i feel worse and worse and i just want it to end already,1
is it okay to tell my suicidal friend this will it help in any way for me to tell her that if she dies i know for sure i ll kill myself too some days i feel like i am barely hanging on and losing her would make me go off the edge i m so sad for her and i wish i could help but shes been struggling with these issues for so long and i just want her to be happy again ,1
this is the third time in the last couple days i ve tried writing here each time i delete it after a while before posting i am 26 working 6 days a week at a local blacksmith shop in rural australia the last person i spoke to that was not related to work was in february according to the call log on my phone and probably around the same time in person too i tried finding joy in a game as i would have before but cant find it everything feels the same and i cant see a way out i m going camping this weekend alone and for the first time will be carrying out supplies to not come back ,1
hey guys i recently got exposed as a catfish online and it was true i faked my identity i lied to so many people even got into two relationships what started as boredom turned to curiosity then obsession i loved the new identity i made for myself i had wanted to escape my own i tend to have such negative unhealthy thoughts suicide crosses my mind daily because of the constant guilt everytime i would push myself to tell the truth my heart would feel as though it would drop into my stomach i dont think anyone could forgive me i know i sound like a whiner i know i need to move on and focus on reality but this has got me really down i just feel so sorry for all that i had hurt because of my want to feel like i belonged somewhere in the world it seems suicide is the only answer to all the shit i ve done ,1
too much disappointment too much unaccomplished too much failure i tried to get through this day but i just cant let this go i put out this some time ago but i couldnt follow any of this i am too messed up i even made this but that didnt help either i tried everything to get better but its no use no matter how i try i always ended up failing and not getting the way i wanted it whats the point of all of this whats the point of trying moreover whats the point of living theres nothing good or great or decent happening to me i might as well kill myself and end it all and be done with it,1
i dont care about anything anymore i feel so worthless and empty i m a highschool dropout and i dont do anything i just sit in bed all day and waste away distracting myself with stuff that always ends up reminding me how shit my existence is cant be bothered to do anything even basic tasksi ama disappointment to everyone and ive got no future ahead of me i ve got nothing left i am fat and pathetically ugly to the point where i cant even leave the house every night i go to bed i just hope that i wont wake up the next morning or any mornings to come i want to end it but i dont know how the fuck to do it i need a method something effective quick and not too painful i need an escape please tell me how i can escape this fucking life ,1
a fucking day after my birthday and shes in a relationship with someone else i feel so broken tomorrow is my last fucking day i cant take this anymore this is so hard why me,1
i am done last few days before i kill myself my mood has lightened i will no longer have to deal with this shit stained worthless festering pile of pus world i love the fact that no one can stop me and i love the people who treat you like shit while crying about suicide here let me act like a total fucking worthless piece of shit cunt toward you for no good reason ,1
the death of a failure i am an absolute fucking failure and i havent even left secondary school well sixth form specifically but i just want to fucking die everyone loves to laugh at me for every tiny thing i ve ever said every time i stutter and stumble over my words they laugh,1
is it bad to always be planning i guess this doesnt really apply to this subreddit but i constantly plan write notes and think about my own suicide i dont know if thats a sign that i ll ever do anything again or if its just some bizarre coping mechanism i just always keep plans in mind i ve distanced myself from everyone deleted all social media and started to get rid of my belongings but i dont even see that as a warning sign because i have so little energy to go through with it i guess this is just a rambling complaint its a year from the last time i planned a serious attempt and i guess i dont know if this is another one ,1
i am helpless i cant do this life thing anymore i m sick of everyones shit nobody cares at this point everyone calls me a fat whore and is telling my boyfriend that he can do better everyone is leaving and i get told to die everyday i am sick of getting abused by my friends mentally and sick of the karma physically,1
i am worthless i am a worthless piece of shit and waste of space i cant do anything right i m not smart pretty or inteligent i am just a pathetic fuckup ,1
can someone tell me why i shouldnt do it its impossible to get away from feeling like a huge chunk of my life is gone forever half of me wants to be the best person i can be but that would only be for spite the other half of me wants to end it all asap,1
so much pain for someone so young i m 20 and last night i almost attempted suicide i ended up just self harming but way more hardcore than usual i have been depressed for like 5 years but it s gotten worse i just it s been a really deep and bad shock this overdose of serotonin for 3 days and then getting so harshly pulled down to the bottom i got deeper than i had ever been i feel physically sick like i m constantly about to pass out,1
killing myself before this week ends cause i cant forgive the things i ve done on this shit rock in space for all you people who think your lives are hard think again i would lose both my legs to be in most of your shoes ,1
children of suicidal parents will you ever get over the news that one of your parents committed suicide i ve thought about it a number of times over the years but never gone through with it thinking it would be best when he got older but the more i read i see even those in their 20 s 30 s struggle with a parent s suicide now son is almost twenty but still think it s not the right time maybe leave a note for him to be told it was an accident caretc but i feel that would leave out a lot i would want to tell him via a note left from me to him at time of death i would certainly not so it at home and run the chance of him being the one to find mei was on antidepressants for a couple years discussed with doctor a couple months ago to get off of them due to side effects with erection and i noticed i would be crying more often so it is not a side effect of anti depressants that i am thinking of suicide ,1
i am barely keeping shit together and having a hard time coming up with a reason why i should keep bothering,1
people to talk to please let me know if there are kind people out there i just need someone to talk to it seems no one is listening ,1
i love all of you more than you can imagine i wish i could go on living but life was meant for the living and i ve been dying inside for a long time life lived properly lived as you all have lived it looks so sweet i ve never felt worthy of that experience i may not be the judge of this but then again who is there is no real answer to that so i may as well judge it for myself i m so sorry i am leaving like this sorry you have to deal with this i don t want you to deal with this anymore love you forever,1
i tried killing myself during a particularly bad breakup with a friend and she told me i was just trying to manipulate her into staying has anyone else ever been accused of being manipulative in your suicidal thoughts i googled it and literally all i could find was how to tell if your friend is manipulating you theres not much sympathy out there for people who are accused of manipulative behavior its lonely,1
i feel like my only options are to kill myself or join the army the last time i binged i overdosed twice pretty hard last week i might do it harder this time i got double the supply and i want to scorch the fuck out of everything i ever knew,1
i just cant i m trying but i cant i just want to give up i cant do this anymore i ve been depressed since i was 14 i am 21 now and just so tired of fighting the same damn fight i cant do it anymore,1
i cant go on living i have been struggling with depression since junior high at 40 i understood a lot about how this came to happen and i am so done with being alive i am not sad anymore not angry not afraid but i have a big painful problem i am a father this makes it worse a living hell literally for me the only reason i am alive at the moment is the fear of hurting my kids an irrational fear because they have a good mom and life insurance can most likely help but i have something in the back of my head that tells me that my death would be a loss of experience and protection to them on the other hand i feel that i have no control over the universe and that me staying is pointless anyways i just want to have enough assurance that my presence wont be necessary anymore because is fucking hell and it hurts everywhere being alive,1
a failed attempt almost 2 weeks ago i tried to kill myself i was not successful this has affected me more than i ever believed it would it is so hard to recover from an attempt i wanted to die but i am still here i want so much to not be here please help me,1
raped at 12 and 13 years later still suicidal i love my family too much to ruin their lives even more but i feel i am condemned to life as opposed to death i really wish the man who did this to me just killed me when he had the chance ,1
i have a lot of invisible friends i know some of them are trying to get to know me better but i still feel so lonely i keep getting told that they want to be closer to me by the school counselor but guess what everyday i am alone in the canteen where did they go i dont blame them though i am a loser who just hurts the people around me,1
please someone help me i dont know what to do anymore i am so desperate the love of my life is asleep in the next room but i ve been sitting on the sofa for what feels like hours just sobbing i just want it all to end just want to go to sleep next to him but never wake up ,1
if i refuse to eat and drink i ll assume someone will send me to the hospital can the hospital force me to eat drink i guess the only thing they could do is hook me up to ivs after i rip them out will they strap me to the bed,1
i am exhausted this is the first time i ve ever been on this subreddit but i dont know where to go i am so done with life but i guess me posting here must mean theres some part of me that wants help i dont want to wear people down with my problems i would go see a therapist but i cant afford it anymore i really see no point in moving on when i ve got nothing going for me and i m all alone,1
thought i d live longer than this i might kill myself soon i am so over life dude i thought i was gonna get my shit together get a job pass school i am already popular i ve got lots of friends and i ve had a boyfriend for over a year and but i managed to fuck up the school thing 4 weeksi havent been to school since september 22 i ve been on suspension its complicated i start back tomorrow and i am not looking forward to it i could keep looking for a job but honestly theres no point anymorei amprobably gonna kill myself in mid december ,1
i dont know if i belong here but i want someone to help me i wish i didnt have to worry i want to know everything is going to be ok but its not its not going to be ok because i am a lazy poor excuse for a human being i lost my job because i couldnt take my ass to work on time i dont want to be in this world and i dont deserve it either ,1
i ve been on this planet for 25 years and have zero accomplishments i have accomplished nothing no friends no partner no job i still live with my parents otherwise i d be rotting on the streets i cant keep living off them like a parasite i feel like killing myself is the honorable thing to do rather than living like this i m short and balding i am socially awkward i dont share any interests with people and i am always the odd person out in a crowd fuck this life,1
wont it be wonderful when we can truly place ourselves in a virtual reality our bodies sustained or suspended while our minds are fed dreams filled with whatever our heart desires id like to think death is like that but i cant help but feel it would be more like nothingness a lack of existence its just hard to comprehend because existence is all we ve ever known i m tired i am angry i am bitter i am hurt i want to say i am numb but i am not when all those things are still present i am numb of joy passion and hope i was never built to survive i live in a fantasy world that is my mind where everything is romanticised and everything means something let me continue living in that world til my last breath let me pretend tell me about you instead tell me how your day was even if it was boring tell me of something you like to or would like to do no matter how small like cuddling up on the sofa and watching a movie on a rainy day tell me your healthy passions and fantasies,1
i attempted suicide by overdose i was in intensive care for 3 weeks unconscious but i was told later i couldnt breathe by myself and i had to have dialysis while i was in there when i came round i was in the renal high dependency unit because my kidneys had failed so i had to have dialysis a lot i relapsed ,1
see you all on the other side i am sick of this university everyone is rude and i havent made any friends i feel so trapped that i have to stay here for two years i dont have any issues with money grades or work just sick of being alone i have been alone for a while and this is when i snap there is a balcony on the 3rd floor of my dorm its calling my name ,1
how can i stop feeling worthless so many people my boss my family tell me that i am pretty much worthless and think too much of myself i really dont its just a front i put on so i dont have to face that part of me deep inside that agrees with them that i have no purpose living this life after just being told that i am worthless for maybe the fourth time this week and its only tuesday morning for gods sake i cant stop the tears right now the germans used to say that crying is a sign of admitting guilt whereas anger is a sign of innocence i know i am worthless i believe them i agree fully most of me doesnt see hope anymore and honestly ending this pathetic sad tiring life would be such a satisfying release from this endless cycle of uselessness,1
i don t even know i keep complaining about my life because i hate it and i don t want it at all but i m here and i just want there to be some way out some other way without hurting anyone,1
whats the alternative seriously i have chosen not to die so many times when i wanted to and it leads nowhere i am already in therapy i already take medication i was already hospitalized 3 times in the past year nothing makes any difference i was kicked out of my schools counseling for using it too long my new doctor blew me off for three weeks and now no one is willing to see me to refill my meds two of which are now completely gone but hey fuck it i wont need them when i am dead right ,1
every time i come off my meds and it makes me remember whati amlike without them i just lose so much hope i know coming off my meds is dangerous ive done it once before and had to be hospitalized i recently got pretty sick and wasnt able to stomach my meds soi ammostly off of them at the moment and i amjust miserable i know that its just a phase thatll pass wheni amback on but it gets so exhausting and frustrating to remember that at my core this is who i ami am not able to naturally be happy my brain doesnt work right and i always think that in survival of the fittest i never should have made it i think its amazing i have but i am so young 22 and i just hate the cyclical pattern of being okay for a while and then it all just collapsing again and againi amjust tired of it alli am not surei amactually suicidal right nowi amjust tired and hopeless i know i will be okay when i get back on my meds but at the same time i feel like i shouldnt have to take meds just to be able to feel normal like most people are its not fair and i know the world isnt fair but its just a lot i dont want to go through my whole life like this but i dont know that i have any other option ,1
so sick of being told not to kill myself no one will help help doesnt exist at least not for me if no one will helpi amsick of feeling like i have to reassure peoplei am not less than two weeks from ending it alli amsick of googling and being told to call the hotlinei amsick of being told to go to therapy i want to feel like someone gets it before i go i want the horrible truth not the patronizing liesedit honestly whati amsaddest about is not seeing the end of game of thrones or hearing the next panic at the disco album it isnt enough to continue but felt like sharing,1
only 15 and boy am i done with life i just cant take this anxiety i feel everyday school is tough teachers are unfair to me my grades are under average and the few friends i have bully me everyday by calling me mean things its not the words that hurt me cause i know that they actually dont mean it its the fact that they want hurt me that does all i feel is empty,1
i dream happy dreams about my death and wonder about how my mind works ive never been diagnosed with anything other than some panic attack issues years ago caused by some heavy insomnia that placed me in hospital after my heart went crazy after 6 days awake thats mostly better now though i sleep almost every night but i am just curious are these the kind of mindsets and emotions usually felt by those in depression ive spoken to people i know who have suffered or do suffer from depression and it doesnt seem to fit how they describe itsometimes i get waves of despair and hopelessness when this happens i literally cant even imagine a future not even tomorrow it scares me as my imagination is just taken away and i am trapped in the horrible moment unable to picture anything being better i mean this literally too as in my mind is totally unable to picture anything in the future at all other times i go numb theres no emotion ,1
i am ugly i am ugly and that makes me sad but at least i am tall can i just end this,1
goodbye world this is it i cant deal any longer with my pain i am tired i was blessed with nothing in my life i am lost and stopped eating i am finally at peace with my decision i know no one cares and thats ok it just makes it that much easier,1
theres no reason to suffer if consciousness survives after death its reasonable to assume it doesnt age or die and is endless if it doesnt then life is restricted to the few years we spend on this planet either way there is no point in continuing a human existence mine sucks so why shouldnt i end it,1
i dont really know where to start ever since i was 13 i ve wanted to kill myself i remember the first time i seriously contemplated taking my own life i just dont know why i hate my life so much because again so many people have been through so much more i am so grateful that i have these opportunities and i wish i could give it all to someone who has nothing because i am not worthy of what i have thanks for listenings,1
life got fucked up by family so i was unlucky enough to be born with parents that were jehovah witnesses i cannot understand how parents just assume that their kid will follow their religion and force them to live their life by gods word i m thinking about ending it all soon although it s not like anybody would miss me as i have no friends because those are banned too unless it s someone from our church,1
i want to die alone what i honestly want is to be diagnosed with terminal cancer but not tell anyone i want to just walk into the mountains and shoot myself somewhere secluded no horrific body to clean up if the animals take care of it right nobody will really notice i will just pass out of memory as it should be ,1
not sure what to do its getting harder and harder to get out of bed i am only happy when i m with someone anyone i guess i just wanted to see this all written out my willpower to resist the urge to end it all gets weaker as time goes on thanks for reading,1
probably going to delete this basically i have had thoughts relating to suicide for several months to a year now i went from being legitimately suicidal to being a teen with occasional suicidal thoughts i am not currently in danger but i wanted some help i frequently think of what would happen if i killed myself i think of the personal experience the pain the person that finds me the people that may or not care about me how it would affect family and friends does it make me go to hell etc is this something to be concerned about again this may be deleted to cover up my emotions,1
sitting alone crying a forest with a bunch of pills in my hand i am so close denial rejection and my bad life situation plus extreme depressions and a broken offended heart would have started therapy in 4 days but then i realized in most cases it doesnt help and if then it takes years i have no zero motivation left and i just cant take it anymore no one to talk to alone since 7 years not even a damn hug ive gotten from anyone becausei amunable to talk to people and to go outside anyway i did my best to make it that long there is no more hope i am over the edge all bad emotions at once i m crying at least 1 hour every night i am so done no one can help me and the only person i ever loved rejected me i hate myself its too much,1
does anyone know the legal procedures following my suicide i am trying to set them up for the worst case scenario because it is likely to happen ,1
its literally all i ve been thinking about not a day goes by where i dont plan to kill myself i keep shaking and having panic attacks in public i cant take this anymore i tried to go to the hospital on friday in hopes that they could keep me safe from myself for a while maybe even treat me i dont know what to do anymore ,1
no matter what i do i still keep coming back here and keep feeling suicidal me too i guess thats why they say its a fight is the fight worth it i dont know i dont really believe it is,1
i might kill my self on saturday i hate myself and i feel so miserable and lonely sometimes i regret having happy moments because when the bad times come it just hits so hard i might take a lyft and jump off a bridge i am so selfish i want to care about myself instead of others just once and this will be the only timei am not sure if i will do it but my god right now i hope my future self could edit i just took 400mg of prozac idk what to expect but i feel woozy,1
feel horrible i am not sure why but for the past few days ive felt so horrible i want to die this isnt the first time i ve felt this way and it probably wont be the last i have a midterm tomorrow but i feel so bad i cant bring myself to study for it i need to pass all my classes this semester i cant afford to come back another semester i really just want to end it ,1
no one would probably care hi i am a 14 year old boy that lives in the us i really dont know if i am depressed or not but i just want to kill myself from day to day honestly at first it was fine i would get sad and want to kill myself and all but it will die down,1
wrote something down for the first time in like a year and it s my suicide note just what the title says so here goes not sure what to do anymore always been shy didn t learn how to be responsible accountable no study habits no sense of finance and bills parents still paying my bills i know where to go to seek help what to do just not how to ask for help failing classes neglecting academics and career can t get myself to study even though i have an exam tomorrow which i know i m probably gonna fail haven t turned in any assignments yet and they re all more than a week past due date now don t know how to talk to people how to communicate haven t spoken to anyone in class yet not even the professors never had a proper relationship with anyone no friends let alone a girlfriend or any romantic relationships never held hands with anyone or kissed anyone sex is just something other people have that i can t just like all other human experiences haven t eaten a proper meal in a month now just surviving on water coffee bread milk and alcohol smoking a pack a day barely sleeping or sleeping too much no physical exercise or socializing just wasting my parents resources and retirement funds haven t spoken to my sister in over four years now but she already has a good job and is graduating in spring so i m happy for her she means the world to me even though we re not even on speaking terms pushing away friends and family difficulty in communicating is taking a toll i m so behind in all my classes but i can t ask for help from professors because what will they think of a grad student who doesn t spend enough time studying haven t spoken to anyone in class yet so no study groups either i m running out of pain killers that i brought along from back home and i don t know how i d muster enough confidence to go out and get more by myself i m 24 six feet tall but weigh around fifty five kilos my arms look like spider legs my acne won t go away and makes my face look like a jackson pollock painting my hips are hurting most of the time as is my shoulder and my back i just want to end it all and if that means ending my life then so be it i know i am going to kill myself maybe not now not today not this week or even not in the next few years or ten years but that is how i will end i am sure of it i smoke in the hopes of getting cancer or a heart attack from clogged arteries i have no motivation to do anything anymore no hope for the future everything seems pointlesswow i am one fucked up non functioning non human to anyone who manages to access this note just know that this wasn t meant to be found or shared but if you re here chances are that you d have been looking for something like this and i may not be around anymore so i can t hide it anymore or ask you to keep this secret but i request you not to share it if you feel this is too much information for one person to carry i ask you only share it with my father and no one else so long,1
i have a feeling that this year is going to be my last year i never had such feelings before i ve been depressed for more than three quarters of a decade and during this time it kept getting worse and worse recently i decided that i have had enough and i want to rest i m nothing but a failure and i drag everyone around me down i ve never been good at anything always disappointed everyone around me and i don t have real life friends haven t had any in many years i had a person i loves but she s gone and never coming back didn t work out i guess she never loved me to begin with but whateveryou get to a point where you just wonder if its all in your head or if its real i genuinely don t know if i am crazy or not fuck it i feel at peace and happy with my decision i shan t be missed or whatever c est la vie i ll be back on the day i do it to say good bye not like it matters i m a bitter asshole ,1
i cant take it anymore i am 25 and in grad school for a masters degree that i dont really want anymore my parents convinced me it would help me get a good job but i have no idea how much longer its going to take and my anxiety is only getting worse i have a history of self harm hitting myself that has relapsed since i began grad school and only he knows about it i am too afraid of pain and hurting those around me to actually commit suicide but i have had an overwhelming feeling on and off over the years that i wish i could get in a bad accident or have something bad happen to me i wish more than anything that i could drop out and just move on with life,1
today was the first time i thought about suicide and it was scary i ve always had this positive attitude about anything but now i am just tired tired of life and everything why not kill myself here and now solves my problems once and for all sorry if this isnt the place for this i am just scared of what will come next will this repeat itself when i am alone again will i eventually attempt suicide its the first time ive had this problem and it really scares me,1
i am a 16 year old from california i read somewhere that if you call the cops on yourself for being suicidal they ll take you to a hospital i dont know if that will cost any money though for the stay cause my family is having financial problems right now and i dont want to make us go so far into debt,1
i tried to jump off my balcony last night my husband caught me i m sad,1
work again or check in to the hospital as recommended i always ask for a permanent rest and no one can provide or afford that for me its not really of value for people to just rest all the time my soul is really broken and i am in more pain than is worthwhile so whats your plan for me after all the therapy and all the drugs at all the hospitalization its clear you have no plan other than to just send me back and hope i keep working put the onus on me to keep functioning and thats a plan failure,1
i ve tried everything else i just can not go on another day i ve decided that i can no longer deal with the hardship or struggle of life and have decided to end it today i see no other way out,1
can i talk to somebody please i ve asked my friends if i can call them for abit but nobody is responding i feel like i might just leap off today,1
how to reconnect with yourself this may not be the place but i m just coming off of a 5 day binge and nights with suicidal thoughts for you what are some recovery methods you ve done to bounce back if you even decide to do that again i don t know if this is the right place,1
i need someone i just need to vent everything has come crashing down and i need someone to talk to ,1
i ve been waiting for things to get better for years i am tired of waiting everything is the same all my problems are vicious cycles dont know how to break the loop looks like i ll just wait forever and die waiting things wont get betteri amjusting thinking about how much timei amwasting ending things now is a solution dont want to live 50 more years to be sure all of this is pointless dont want to be a bad friend anymore dont want to be a bad son anymore dont want to be a bad parent dont want to be a worthless human being ,1
my mind is telling me to kill myself please someone anyone be the voice of reason i am so scared,1
i realized my existence has no meaning the only thing i do is hurt people even by simply posting here none of this matters i am useless,1
i ve been teetertottering on the edge for the past few months which isnt saying much since i think about suicide a lot but lately i ve really wanted to go through with it i am just tired i am tired of being tired and life is sucking everything out of me and i cant stand it any longer i dont trust any government institutions like therapists ive taken so many different kinds of pills only to have them fuck me up worse than i already was or just not work at all i cant even talk to my therapist about the things that bother me because they never understand or i could go to prison if i did my health is shit it keeps getting worse and the shit doctors i keep going to tell me everything is fine i just need to lose weight even though i already have a eating disorder and lost 100 pounds and i am not even that fat and cant exercise very much due to my shitty health i am really thinking that maybe the best thing for me is to not exist anymore in order to end the damn near constant misery i feel i am already thinking about how to plan my death including figuring out where my cat will go funeral options exit plan etc i dont want to die tbh but dying seems a heck of a lot better than spending another 32 years hating my life and everything in it except my cat,1
how can i stop hating myself if all i do is keep hurting myself i ve been hating my self for 7 years and its been getting worse and worsei amthe biggest loser possible and i regret nearly everything i do ive moved house eight times over my life i can never keep a friend my social skills are terrible no matter how hard i try to improve them my eye contact is poor or too intense i dont understand body language and i have so little confidence that i stutter sometimes and merge my words together i avoid even looking at girls let alone talking to them because every time i do it makes me feel like shit ive tried antidepressants they make me feel absolutely nothing its horrible ive tried various self harm and i once stole from a boots pharmacy i was doing work experience for and overdosed alone worst night of my life ive been trying to be completely alone this past month so i stop doing stupid things i regret and trying to be more positive ive recently completely lost all my enthusiasm i havent told anyone this i feel that if i keep going on this route or if i start taking something then i will end up killing myself sorry if this heavy i just feel like i could do with someone to talk to you,1
somebody please stop me i was so close today i couldnt swallow the pills i was too weak pain doesnt end it will continue onto to others that care for you i heard this before and i believe that even though they dont say it many people care for you,1
even with therapy and medication i want to be dead so i dont have to suffer i am seeing a therapist i m on zoloft and xanax and i still want to die i have the means and access i think about it i think its going to be good for me that i dont have to feel this way anymore i cant logically think of a reason to stop myself because what people say youre supposed to do just doesnt seem like its working and if i tell my therapist or psychiatrist thati am in crisis i am going to have to go through all this again and i dont want to go through it anymore ,1
am i depressed or am i just looking for attention i definitely have anxiety and i think i have some kind of borderline disorder when i get this way all i do is lay down or talk about how i should kill myself i dont think id ever actually do it because my family loves me but ive noticed myself doing it just to make people notice is it all just made up in the back of my head to get peoples attention,1
dealing with too much right now feeling very depressed and anxious also nauseous and might have to vomit entire night again i dont think i ll ever be happy as much as my childhood days my head rewinds every bad thing happened in the past a lot if i had a painless and quick method i would be out already,1
why is there no limit don t call it the easy way out it s just it s not easy getting to that point it s not an easy decision to make it s not a deadline i have 0 issue setting i know what it will do to everyone i love and the people who love me even if there s not many that s not an easy thing to do to someone by any meansi see it as my to be selfish the i put myself first and i only see everyone trying to stop me againagain i m supposed to do what everyone else wants i m supposed to keep suffering to make everyone else feel like they are doing good i m supposed to fight because everyone else wants me to i m supposed to fight despite it being those same peoples fault to some degree that i m even here in the first placewhy is there no limit to how long you have to suffer just because it s in your head if i had cancer for the 50th time wanting to just end it all instead of treating it one more time everyone would be on my side,1
when suffering is too great i would like to start by saying that although brief i would need a million words to encompass the suffering i have endured in the past 3 years i am currently at a stage where i am thinking about committing suicide daily and frequently at that i have even tried desensitizing to various methods drowning etc by imagining them in depth the level of suffering has increased to a stage where i believe that i could overcome the thought of hurting people that i love because my suffering has greatly exceeded it as you are probably well aware the notion of a parent or grandparent enduring childs or family suicide is unbearable for them the grief it would cause my mother who has has an unbearable life of abusive husbands and skeletal disfigurement is great if i had access to a gun i would definitely would have killed myself the fear of drowning hanging or falling is greati want to die i want others to accept that i want to die i have been looking into possible euthanasia i am close to the endif you have read that all i thank you that is all i ask,1
i wish i was never born i ve never been good at anything and doubt i ever will be always living in the shadows of smart talented beautiful people who actually have a future sometimes i hate them most of the time i just hate myself out of everyone i knewi amthe biggest loser of them all everything is always about money and sex and its bullshit i am just some dirty poor how dare i have opinions hopes or aspirations i can never have independence and i feel like ive been set up to fail someone like me doesnt deserve to continue to take up resources better spent somewhere else i wish i could give my worthless life to someone who belongs i hope i find the courage to finally end my pathetic life,1
i am writing my suicide note right now i plan to kill myself soon i dont know what else to do for the last few years ive been struggling really hard plainly and simply i hate absolutely everything i am i ve lost all my energy and drive and i dont care about anything i used to i am just another failure that will fade into obscurity with time its better to off myself now than to keep burdening the world with my existence ive come to realize that some people in this world just arent cut out to play the game of life,1
losing hope i am 23 years old living with my mom and over 2k in debt from medical bills ive been healthy all my life until i was 22 when i was diagnosed with a fungal infection some call it a candida overgrowth and its been haunting me since january everyday has been a struggle with feeling tired and this brain fog 24 7 i am starting to get answers to cures but all the cures have potential of causing other serious health issues i dont enjoy activities like i used to and i am starting to lose my friends because it seems like i am pushing them away but in reality i just cant find the energy to hang out with them ive been having suicidal thoughts often for about 3 or 4 months now becausei am tired of the suffering on top of this i was raised by a sociopath and suffered a lot in my childhood and my biggest fear is becoming like my insane dad this brain fog ive been suffering from feels like its making me lose my mind and making me feel more open to putting a stop to my life,1
contemplating suicide contemplating suicide every night is not how i want to live dont know how to fix it i hate myself,1
can i just die i want to get out of this world i have no friends no family who cares about me and worst of all i just cant to live any more i just want to go hang myself ,1
need help for the past year my life has been a blur i have had no interests except video games video games have been the only thing stopping me from suicide i dont have any friends i am overweight and my parents are the biggest problem they are always putting me down they call me a loser a failure pathetic a disappointment a dumbass lazy every day today my mum took away my computer with all my games she said go get a life you loser videogame have been the thing keeping me together for so long now that they are gone i think i am going to do it,1
just cant anymore i am lying in dorm not wanting to get out of bed for my classes cant even eat at all anymore and the pain in my stomach wont go away my grades are terrible and my tutors cant even help me i dont want exsit on this planet anymore my boyfriend doesnt seem to care about me anymore but claims he still does its fine though i deserve all of this all i wanted to do was to just be happy and i was but nowi am not so what is the point anymore everything is failing around me and i want to quit i hate my life and dont care about it anymore i just think everyone would be happier if i was gone i have no energy to do anything i have no fight left in me and gonna take some pills tonight hopefully i dont wake up,1
thats it ive had enough dont even try see you later world,1
don t know why i m even posting this i don t know if this will even help i don t even know why i m thinking about coming to reddit with this i ve been very open about this stuff and i think that has helped me so here we go i ve been super stressed but i don t want to sound whiney i think it s just time i don t ever see myself coming out of this funk when i try to talk to friendsfamilymy dr they all just get mad i m on vacation from work this week so maybe i ll just enjoy it and enjoy my plans with my friends and family and just end it on the last day that s just my current thoughts maybe sharing this will help me in some way who knows just wanted to get that out there ,1
friend has given up seriously considering suicide i have a friend who has given up shes been in abusive relationships self harmed had serious body issues her whole life a few months ago she was spiked and raped she is seeing a therapist for the rape but they dont know the full extent of her feelings she thinks if she tells someone theyll lock her up or make her quit her job tell her family or maybe worse do nothing at all she doesnt want help she doesnt want me to help because she doesnt see any reason to keep on livingi am really scaredi am trying fucking everything on google but shes so set on giving up i dont know what to do ive told her i amhere to listen but she doesnt want to talk she doesnt want to burden me i just really need some help on what to do to make things worse i now live 3 hours away so i cant help her in person any advice would be so endlessly appreciated thanks,1
will anyone give a shit if i just do it like i have nobody,1
i ve lost all my potential i ruined my own life freshman year of high school i was on track to being valedictorian i could have gone to an ivy league school i had such a bright future ahead of me of course i fucked all that up i went to ucr because it was the only good college that accepted me i had no idea that i could go to a cc and transfer to ucla i didnt even know that was an option my gpa sucks my social life is nonexistent this is the rest of my life now everyone has moved on without me i am a disappointment to my family and everyone i know this isnt the life i wanted its too late to be someone great to accomplish all of my goals i had so much potential i was a smart kid i dont want an ordinary life whats therapy going to do help me cope and make me settle i dont want to live this life anymore ive wanted to die for years lol i procrastinated on homework and suicide it looks like i dont know what i am waiting for i am never going to have the life i dreamed for myself i am such a nothing,1
anyone in a situation similar to mine 19 yo male in college struggling in school poor mental condition overall fully lonely not in physical state but in state of mind awful luck with the opposite sex nothing that genuinely makes you happy bleak outlook on the future i feel this state is pretty common among people my age in school is anyone like that on here,1
doing it to stop hurting others i have an anger issue and a carelessness issue usually i can keep both of them in check but theres been a perfect storm between events insider and outside work i keep escaping by having unrealistic violent fantasies about the people i run into i hate living in the city everyone is so fake and out for themselves i fear that one day i will lose control on another so maybe its just best to take care of myself first,1
lost and hopeless at what point does it make sense to kill yourself because you have exhausted every other option i ve had suicidal thoughts for about a decade now but i never really considered actually doing it until quite recently i am so far down the drain that i dont think its humanly possible to obtain the life i want a somewhat normal life anymore i cant help but feel that this is my final hope i cant keep doing this crap anymore i am either going to get better soon or i am going to die there will not be an in between anymore,1
before i die i need to tell my story this is my life its a long sad story but one i must tell to someone my life is forfeit theres no coming back from all this,1
i fucked up i accidentally sexually assaulted one of my very good friends i was in a terrible headspace and i went to go kiss her she resisted physically and verbally and eventually gave in the entire time i kept asking myself why i was doing this and kept apologizing to her but i kept going oh god i wish i didn t keep going i started kissing her neck and her thighs and pulled down her shirt i realized what i had done and left profusely apologizing she wants nothing to do with me now and i understand that but i can t grt rid of the guilt i feel like everyone hates me now with due reason and i ve been going back and forth through intense crying fits and wanting to kill myself i never have enough energy to carry it out but i amthoroughly convinced that it could happen by accident and i wouldn t stop it yesterday i was taking off my sweatshirt and it tugged on my neck constricting airflow very momentarily and something in my mind just told me to keep going i felt so at peace i m so scared of myself and what i have become every time i tell someone what i did in an attempt to figure out how to help myself i know they are judging me and distancing themselves from me becausei amabsolutely fucking horrendousi ve been going to class less and less and crying more and more and i dont know what to do with myselfi think suicide has been a long time coming i used to strangle myself with scarves when i was like 7 or 8 whenever i disappointed my parents because i felt like a disaster maybe i ll be at peace maybe she ll be at peace too she won t see me walking around anymore she ll be comfortable i want her to be comfortable i just want her to be fucking happy she deserves the whole world she deserves the sun the moon and the stars she doesn t deserve the pain i caused her so maybe if i don t exist anymore her pain will go away too,1
sorry in advance i am probably going to kill myself on my birthday i am 17 so i will be 18 if or really when i do it ,1
why should i get help if i dont want it i ve struggled with the idea of being alive and wanting to be alive for a while now i recently realized that i dont want help i just want to not be alive the only reason i would seek help is so that i dont hurt my loved ones ive attempted to kill myself before but i cant even begin to imagine what sort of pain and isolation that they would go through if i actually did it i dont want them to ever feel how ive felt but i just dont think that they understand how i feel even wheni am not feeling as depressed the thought of not being alive is so appealing ive always done only what others expect of me but ive never really wanted more for my life anyway ive tried therapy a few medications none of it has been right for me if they only knew how painful it is for me to be alive maybe they wouldnt be so insistent on me trying to get help i just cant wait for a medication or therapy to work that could take months or years every single day every hour every minute is so painful i just cant do it anymore,1
i dont see a point to anything anymore i am consumed by my loneliness and emotional pain although i know many others have had it worse i have bpd i realize its pathetic i cant focus on anything anymore nothing makes me happy i am 28 and have been like this since at least the age of 9 nothing gets betteri am really nearing the end because i cant do this anymore i dont have the capacity to connect with anyone no work i do has any meaning i cant gell the pieces of myself together i cant keep living like this anymore,1
i don t know about this anymore as i took my walk tonight i reflexed on my past i have been struggling with some depression recently so iv been stuck in my head i have found life hard to live with out purpose i m a 26m iv been in two serious relationships and i always seem to push them away with my insecurities all i wanted in life was a family but i feel it was not meant for me i can t take it any longer i unfortunately own a few guns and i spend most nights staring at them drinking until i pass out i feel it s only a matter of time till i man up and do something about it i m hundreds of miles from any friends or family and i m alone all i have is this sad music and my guns i just want to be loved wanted anyways bye,1
this is incredibly frustrating i am afraid of going to school tomorrow because i shaved and should i ditch school due to what happened between my parents or nah i have a lot in my mind i just dont know what to do anymore i am a shy anxious junior in high school with social anxiety ,1
i cant carry on every day everything becomes more and more difficult every night i lay in bed trying to get to sleep with every unhappy thought in my head all the thoughts are so disjointed unclear as if i cant think properly the only clear thing is that these thoughts are quite literally overwhelming every night i resolve to kill myself in the morning what is the point of living if all living is is a constant fight to have the will to live i might as well give up now,1
i want to so bad but i just cant bring myself to actually do it why do you want to die,1
i cant do it anymore i just lost the last person i care abouti amdone the pain is to much now,1
pointless hello worldmy name will be kept anonymousi am13 and i amfucking done with life ive tried it out got bored wanna move on to the next thing death i only have three friends including my mother my father is dead everyone at school dislikes me and i couldnt care less if they did or notim not here to say i willi amhere to say i might so please gimme some words reddit god knows my therapist cant,1
fuck i want to die i know this is a stupid reason to kill myself and i do have others but i was just focusing on this one tonight in particular but it doesnt matter because i ll be dead either way if all goes according to plan sorry for those of you that read this mildly depressing rant was just looking for a place to fulfill my narcissism,1
i dont want to write a note but i want to talk with somebody i dont want to go out all by myself i dont know maybe deep deep down i am lonely and i really do want help i dont know how to ask for help as long as i can remember ive been completely non verbal about my problems like i literally cant speak truthfully about it in real life because i was so afraid of it being used to hurt me in some way i feel very determined to die at this point and i have a plan that i ve practiced but i dont want to be alone when i decide to carry out my plan i know i cant write a note but i do want to talk to somebody its just too hard to say anything to somebody who can see me and act upon me or who has met me,1
is it really worth it guys i m really fucking unhappy i do take the effort to try and enjoy life but it is just not happening it s just strife after hardship after tribulation and i don t reeeeally see the return in all the effort put into it it s just the logical thing to do for me just kinda wanna play games that aren t out yet or experience new music those things are probably the only thing making me hesitate,1
its been really terrible i am 27 and have tried everything to fix my brain i have tried talk therapy self help books self help apps eating healthy exercise sunlight etc yet i never feel better and always feel a darkness around me that never goes away i am unattractive shy and have no friends and wasted my entire life i cannot accomplish anuthing all ive ever wanted to do was photography and went to school for art but i suck at it and now am stuck in retail everyone in life has moved on and i am thinking of just ending everything ,1
dont know how much longer i can take this i am just ready to die i know i sound pretty pathetic but tell me what i havent already heard before by every single person i used to be close to well goodbye everyone it may be today or tomorrow or the end of the week but when ever i do it i want to thank anyone who truely cares sorry ,1
after nearly giving in i ve made myself a promise last week i drove out to a local suspension bridge its in the middle of a park which is closed for the season and doesnt receive a lot of traffic the bridge itself stands 232 feet above the waters below which would be ample distance to reach terminal velocity allowing a quick and certain death as i looked down to the river below i thought about just how many people have been where i am how many of them could use just one person to just listen not judge or tell them how to fix their lives but just listen and allow for them to spill their guts and get that god awful pain out,1
my brain hurts and soul is sick my medications arent helping and my normal fleeting thoughts of suicide are becoming heavy i grabbed a rifle earlier and made sure i could use it with the barrel against my head please say something to me anything the anxiety is making my throat swell shut and my eyes keep welling up i feel like my prayers arent being heard and the thought of tomorrow disturbs me,1
i feel like the problem today is feeling real human connection i think the internet has made it impossible now your observations are very correct shut off the phone or computer go outside get some fresh air and meet some new people ,1
i really tried i tried everything i got a job started a study programme and i work out regularly and eat healthy i got over 80 of my anxiety and everything except of love is working out right now but i still feel pain i almost cannot handle and yes its physical pain like a broken leg just in my fucking head and its much worse than an injury i tried it all really i went to therapy medication everything i still relapse regularly i cannot do this i hope i have enough energy to buy a rope tomorrow i wont even write a suicide note cause i dont feel like iti am so fucked up,1
i am done i need help but i want to end it all so bad but i am too scared to fucking hang myself,1
22f currently failing at life i want to kill myself ,1
the sad part no matter what i post here i know i ll feel like a fool for it i mean nothing will change my life has always been this way and being a guy its not so easy to find someone to talk to about my feelings i just want a change in my life or i am ending it in a year from now,1
i just want it to be over hometown friends have given up even replying to me now the last thing i was told was complaining wont get you anywhere ,1
the lights are going out i ve lived with depression and anxiety for 4 years now my first public panic attack i had was my sophomore year of college my girlfriend was hanging out in my room as i started bawling on the phone with my parents that was the first time anyone had seen me cry in years seen really any emotion out of me i started to get nihilistic when i went into college i started to see the world as i put it realistically or what i thought was realistic i started seeing the world as i wanted to see it as a shithole pointless a waste of my time and effort that s when i started to question why as a junior in college i still struggle to find that why in my life that purpose everyone else seems to have the drive that gets them out of bed in the morning that will to live i just don t think i have it anymore ,1
i did something not good and i wanna end it can i pm someone,1
i dont want to die but thats where things seem to be heading i dont want to die i dont want to go i dont want to leave all of the people i care about behind but i feel like thats where i am headed its that same feeling when you wake up in the morning and the bed is nice and comfy maybe you are even a bit sick you tell yourself i dont want to get up i dont want to go to class i dont want to go to work but no matter how many times you tell yourself this you know that you are eventually going to get up and do what needs to be done i feel like that right now part of me has taken it as an inevitability ,1
probs gonna end it on my birthday tomorrow i am gonna turn 24 tomorrow and i feel like i am a waste of time and resources for my parents and society in my 24 years i ve contributed absolutley nothing to anyone or done anything that brings value to anyone everyday despite how hard it is for me to gather my myself to get up out of bed i do it for my parents because i dont want to disappoint them any further and i try but everynight i get home a failure ,1
is there a point to life i ve always felt so out of place i dont even know why i am posting this for pity for hope that somehow i can stop this i am going to end it soon is there a small part of me that doesnt want to why does life have to be so complicated at least it will be over soon,1
help for a lot of complicated reasons that are hard to describe because its all due to cultural reasons i am feeling the overwhelming urge to end it i am stuck as the person in between my father and my fiancee fighting over cultural norms as i am marrying outside of my culture i just want to get rid of this feeling ,1
i am going to kill myself the point of this text isnt to get someone to talk me out of it it wont work this is not a cry for help i just thought i should tell somebody and for obvious reasons i cant just text someone i know and tell them that by the end of the week i plan on being dead thats it,1
i just dont know anymore i hate myself and everything about life everything has gone wrong today just little things petty things all built up i am 21 i have a girlfriend and i am not happy with my life in fact i havent been happy for many years i am fed up i am over it i am sick of my life being this way but i am mostly sick of the fact that theres nothing wrong with me i have no reason to feel worthless stupid pointless hollow i have nothing to back up my feelings,1
i just want to die i so so badly just want to fucking end it allim really sorry this is so long its just that ive written this too many times and i dont know how to make it smaller so if anyone really reads all of this leave some type of comment some sign of life thank you,1
i dont see any bright or even gray future i figured out that i cannot work and money from family is getting dry gf is also struggles from mental i willness and cannot work too need to end this before world ends me haha money kills gf agreed about suicide in fact she said about it fiirst so it is when and how,1
i have nothing left to live for my narcissistic family hate me and my soul mate left me without reason i have no job no friends no family and i cant see any way through i simply just give up i want this post to show i love you scott i love you thom i love you tom and i love you camilla and i am sorry for the selfishness of what i am doing but there is no future for me goodbye ,1
nothings working i recently got into a new hobby that i am very interested in and i ve been able to hang out with close friends every time we get to i have a lot of fun my boyfriend and i go to different universities so we dont get to see each other often but hes been starting to visit once a week ifi amlucky all these things contribute to my happiness but its been small temporary spurts of it other days i will have thoughts of self harm or jumping in front of a car things like no one will notice me gone or if i disappear it may be easier on my family since its one less mouth to feed one less tuition to pay for or if i disappear it wont make a difference in anyones life i just have a constant voice in the back of my head that tells me i dont do good enoughi ama nuisance to others and i should kill myself ironically i am very afraid of death so i go to self harm instead its like a chickens way out i try not to do anything rough enough that it will leave marks but sometimes bruises or small scars are left ,1
well off the the resort well my 2 week state mandated after aggressive suicide attempt at a mentality resort starts today luckily i can bring in some of my own things including my phone hell they said i can bring my guitar and while i will probably come out of there all doped up and god knows how many meds maybe i ll find a way to cope with everything,1
 suicide appears to be my only option because as selfish as it sounds i need to progress with my life and after all this time energy and work i can t do that it s over for me appreciation to anybody who even scanned this post and to the mods if this is in the wrong place i apologise ,1
i wonder when i will do it i know its going to be the way i go out in my life i keep coming back to my depression i have periods in my life where i am happy but i always come back to this its exhausting and i just want to end it but i hate that my family will be pained by it i hate living here i hate existing,1
my sense of self worth is gone i feel like my life just isnt worth it anymore i cant let go if the past my whole life is just a bunch of reminders why i am in this terrible hopeless place in my life i will never be okay with who i am and as much as death scares me i just dont see the fucking point if i ll always consider myself a loser,1
broken and on the brink these past few weeks were more or less a storm for me breaking up with my fiance and our son staying with her getting a new job where almost every one of my colleagues hates me openly or secretly getting ripped at by my siblings because i have to get a handle with eventually living on my own if anything however there are only three things holding me back from taking the final step in no particular orderall that being said i am a filipino male with prior attempts on the edge ,1
hi these are probably the last thing of mine someone will read i am stood on the top of a multi storey parking lot any help is appreciated before someone says this is a fake account because i just made it i just didnt want people seeing my main account see ya in hell are you still here,1
someone just help me find a way to kill myself i am tired i am always chronically unhappy and forever alone what are some ways to kill oneself that are painfree and quick,1
two bridges there are two bridges my mind are focused on right now in my hometown both of which i am thinking of jumping off one of them will make me plunge into a river the other goes into train tracks,1
it ll just get worse dude my life just gets worse as i get older i stay broke and cant ever get anywhere live with parents and i cant leave life is fucking miserable and it has been for the last 8 years,1
i am at the point in my life now where i genuinely dont know if i want to live anymore its 50 50 half of me wants to live and half of me wants nonexistence i feel like suicide would be the ultimate freedom,1
having anxiety and being ugly is hell on earth it is too late i wish i could get my youth back but i cant suicide is the only option ,1
suicide note what do you think my name is austin i m 20 years old and aboriginal my final few days were spent drinking a mickey a night and then a big bottle the final night 5 nights in a row i m doing this because the stress of sustaining or even beginning a career has become to much i don t even know what i m doing with my life anymore i can t even say much about how i feel anymore it s just pain numbness regret sorrow guilt it s always i ll stop drinking tomorrow tomorrow is the day that never comes for me ,1
i ve seen enough i decided to go off the grid from my friends to see if anyone would text tag or otherwise try to get a hold of me its clear from zero fucking messages that they dont care,1
relapsing past issues are still here i feel ashamed of my mental health issues i started struggling at 15 years old with social anxiety self harm depressive episodes suicidal thoughts and ideation i am relapsing with everything but i am afraid i ll start therapy and dont get better then what ,1
work is making me suicidal i have really big problems with anxiety and am miserable 24 7 due to work anxiety i would rather kill myself than go to work another day in fact i think about suicide every minute of every day this morning i almost ran my car into a wall at 60 miles per hour ,1
how to say good bye properly so basically i have decided that i am over being alive i have been suicidal since i was 12 maybe 13yrs old i had a shitty past couple weeks and i do not feel like doing this any more i have not fully decided the method but have narrowed it down to two different ways one is bullet to the head the other is od on heroin ,1
i am gonna kill myself i hate my fucking life i am so trapped alone and isolated it doesnt change hasnt changed in 5 years my parents are controlling i am 23 years old the only people who wanna be friends are fucking weirdos who want to masturbate to me and have sex with me you fucking losers kill yourselves i thought you were my friends you either leave me in the dust or just wanna fuck me i hate you you stupid fat ugly bitch losers why cant no one be genuine why does no one else care about me or wanna be my friend i m a loser and alone in this world i wanna end it all,1
messed up now my suicidal obsessions are back so i got drunk with a friend of mine and we ended up fooling around it was pretty tame but we did screw a little and though i didnt ejaculate i was an idiot and didnt use protection well that shits left me fucked up ive gone 40 hours without sleep and all i can think about is how i should of killed myself long before this momentit was a lot of fun and she taught me some cool shit but it just feels wrong that it happened and the no condom thing has me freaking out i am in control enough right now to get to a hospital if i start going down further but i amjust hoping and can maintain that i dont know how anyone can really help me here but this one of those times wherei am really struggling and i just have to put these thoughts somewhere where someone may understandedit my suicidal ideations obsessions had been coming back alot recently because of stress this situation really just made it worse,1
i cry every week hesitant i know a painless way to stop my heart but i keep living just the thought of not having college education and working for the rest of my life depresses me further i live in a shelter on disability income because people in my head make me talk to them or yell at them hard to focus on reality if my goals fail i will likely do it,1
just wishing i was dead,1
tired and feeling defeated i cant sleep my head is full of thoughts and they are all about killing myself another night of crying myself to sleep i guess too tired for this shit anymore,1
i am suicidal again i m in an unhealthy relationship that is starting to make me consider killing myself i cut for the first time in my life because of the stress and the fact that i have to bottle everything up otherwise i will get yelled at i could use a friend or a funny story or something to distract me thanks,1
can t stop thinking about it i just really want to tell someone how sad i am and that i think about dying all the time i m not going to kill myself because my mom would be too sad and i know she ll need me to take care of her soon she s aging and has a neurological disorder i just can t stop wishing i didn t have to be here anymore and i can t talk about it because i don t want someone to put me in a mental institution or something and i don t want my friends to worry i ll be ok i think i m going to therapy it s just taking a long time and i don t know if i ll ever be happy i just have to keep getting by i guess thank you for listening ,1
i ve finally convinced myself to try cuicide prevention chat and it wont work for me it really sucks because when i actually feel ready to talk to someone i cant i tried two days ago tried again today and the chat never loads i just really wish it would and i dont want to do a phone call,1
i just swallowed pills my heart is racing idk what s gonna happen but i hope i die,1
why is life even worth living anymore my life honestly doesnt have any meaning anymore ,1
i give up i just give up on everything i made that nice long post yesterday only got one thing back from it and it wasnt much of anything i poured my soul out into it and just got a simple two sentence message i just give up my posts constantly get downvoted to 0 i get trolled hard so hard that it has literally put me in a full blown panic attack mode a few times and have made me cry i know they are just words on a screen but you need to understand ive grown up in a family that has dished out physical emotional and verbal abuse to mei amfragile and it doesnt take much now for things to make me crack i dont even think that i need to be here anymore i dont even think i need to be on this planet anymore ,1
i dont belong i am asexual i dont belong minority groups reject me because apparently i dont suffer enough i tried to send a message of empowerment people minimise my struggles i dont belongi amimmaturei am worthless ifi amasexuali ambroken no one wants to be with someone like me something is seriously wrong with me and no one wants to support me i dont belong anywhere i thought i might in the warm hearted community i thought it would be but they hate me because my struggle isnt real i dont belong anywhere theres no place for me in this world,1
girlfriend just left me i have no friends parents dont care about me ive failed why should i keep on living,1
my girlfriend told me she wants to die i am the only reason she hasnt done it yet how do i teach her to love life,1
want to die nearly 29 never had a gf western women have all rejected me stuck studying nursing even though i hate it researching how to end it considering hanging as a option if i can get the technique down right why arent i allowed to kill myself over never having a gf it will never happen and i am not going to spend my life working to support a society that has fucked beta males like me over so i can be a tax dollar drone ,1
people would want me dead anyway all i have to look forward to is a dramatic crash and months of crippling anxiety and self hatred any time i have the audacity to think that i have a future please talk me out of it,1
i envy those of you who dont believe in god i really just want to die i hate my job i hate my home i hate how my family is since my dad died religious fear is the only thing stopping me and my dog which my mum claims shes giving away for no reason wish i had the balls to just end it insteadi amtrapped i cant sleep well and i am hearing shit that isnt there because of it i m never calm or relaxed i am never happy or excited just anxious or tense or nothing nothing can or will change in the next few yearsi amstuck just gotta cop it all as much as i hate saying it no friends to lean on no family to care for me i really wish i could just die in my sleep most nights one day maybe,1
a friend is on the verge of suicide she isn t eating or drinking and feels alone i have had to talk her out of killing herself so many times already and i don t know how many more times she s going to listen to me the problem here is that we live hours away from each other so i can literally only help her over a phone what can i do she literally has no one to talk to apart from me,1
i think i am gonna do it tonight i just cant go on i think i am gonna kill myself tonight i just cant go on i just feel worthless all the time i m not telling anyone i am just gonna buy some climbing rope after work and do the deed dont know why i m posting here i guess i just want to tell someone that i am going before i leave,1
the end of a meaningless and destructive life i have destroyed my relationships i have hurt countless people with my issues and my mentality i am pure darkness i am the personification of a black hole i take good things and i sabotage them i could be happy but something inside me wants pain and suffering i will not live after this life is pain and people that feel otherwise should enjoy their lives and let my life end i just want to die other people are so much stronger than me i cant live with the things i have done everyone that ever loved me or knew me ended up much worse for the experience there is not much to do but to plani wish everyone in the world knew me so they could hate me the way i hate myself maybe i am manipulating you now i have no idea too far gone nothing worse than natural evil thinking its inherent good goodbye,1
i am scared of my own mind i thinki amsuicidal i don t know why or how but i feel it i just thought about and cried not sad cry or happy cry i cried like i m scared like i know i m suicidal but i don t know _ i cant think i m typing this now thinking about why i m suicidal or maybe i m just trying to get it out of me but _ i don t know i m scared of my own mind it s smarter than me my subconscious mind is smarter than my conscious mind and i think its trying to kill me i m scared when i look tot the future i see nothing there is nothing for me there i m scared i ve calmed down i still can t think but i m no longer crying i smoked 2 cigarettes and well i don t know i feel like i have no one to talk to i mean yes there is people to talk to my friend jake and my cousin marc my mom and dad but i feel like burdening them to tell them this or maybe i m just to scared to see the effect of telling this originally started out as a way to get my thoughts out rather than keeping them bottled up in my head where i usually keep them but i think i will post this to a suicide help subreddit no one can see me there i m just a name,1
i feel lost and ultimately stucki am not at immediate risk of suicide i feel okay right now but lately ive caught myself fantasizing about peaceful ways of suicidei am not even going through anything traumatic or anything but its incredibly unlike me to be suicidal or even give it a thought and i think its rooted from me moving out for the first time and not looking back i feel like ive made a mistake even thoughi ammaking decent money and am able to sustain myself with it i dont even know if this is just me being stupid and not liking the transition to adulthood i honestly have no idea but some days i just go numb and my mind wanders into suicidal territory not out of sorrow but out of a genuine longing to escape whatever the feeling i was experiencing wasim currently about to clock into work so i will probably stop replying for a few hours but i just wanted to get all of this off of my chest i havent told a soul out of fear that someone will just resort to this guys just being an attentionwhorehes got nothing to feel bad about not to mention its kind of a big deal to say to a family member that ive recently had suicidal thoughts anyway i appreciate you guys for listening to me mumble and this might not even be the right sub asi am not fixing to do the deed if thats the case go ahead and remove it as i will be away from reddit for a bit thanks ,1
failed attempt 1 month ago going again ive lost all motivation to do anything school work any activities even video games which i was completely addicted to only a year ago now i mainly just lay in my bed wondering why i even exist for hours on end ive legitimately thought about suicide ever since i was 13 with time this thought got worst and now at the age of 17 ive lost count of how many times i tried to take my own life just a month ago i had an extremely scary attempt i hung a piece of rope from my door and suspended myself so if i stood on my tip toes i could barely breath then i let my legs relax and swung them in front of me i was completely blacked out within a few seconds but then about 3 minutes later i just woke up for no apparent reason the rope didnt break and there was still full suspension on my neck but i still fucking woke up and survived i didnt leave a note or anything i just really really wanted to fucking die that nightthat was scary enough to make me stop for a month waking up with a rope around your neck cold with saliva running down your face slowly realizing where you are and what happened but now the suicidal thoughts return and i want to try again perhaps i should tell someone about my problems but theyd just call someone and take me to a hospital being someone who actually wants to die constant supervision at a hospital is not idealschool mainly instigates these suicidal actions i once cried for a whole night over the score i got on a practice test and i believe i came very close to killing myself that night too anything can trigger it i must just have a really fucking muscular neck because i can not kill myself via hanging i have tried literally 100 times now but i am going to keep trying,1
i dont think i will ever find love again i am 26 years old i am korean american but i really dont feel like i fit in either with fobs or americanized koreans ive had quite weird experiences in my life that has to do with religion and occultic stuff so i call myself isaac a long story that has to do with the name now anyways i am christian but not exactly a normal christian ive been quite popular with girls in some situations but there were many reasons why i couldnt get close to them i am kind of complicated anyways the other girls i dont really remember yet this one girland this other girl just not as much i dont think i will ever meet someone like that again i am not as attractive as i used to be i think she was my soul mate i wasnt ready and i am a failure i am contemplating suicide now i am so different from other people with radical beliefs and i am kind of weird most of the girls i know they dont fit me i would rather not start a relationship i can see going sour in the future honestly she was the only girl i ever met like that in my life i think she was truly rare anyone else feel like this,1
i 23 f am struggling with suicidal thoughts again and though i dont believe that i would go through with it its difficult to wake up every morning for a bit of background a lot has happened to me recently and this isnt the first time ive felt suicidal ive been quite depressed for the past year and a half at one point around 6 months ago i started writing letters to friends and family in preparation though i suspect it was mostly cathartici am not sure i will also note that three years ago i had a drug overdose that i believe was a suicide attempt but i am not quite sure i was sort of in autopilot that day at the momenti amfinishing my degree moving out am seeing a psychiatric who believes i have bipolar disorder and struggling with general feelings of sensitivity and selfhatei amcrying almost every day i truly believe that the people around me are sick of me andor hate me but feel obliged to stick around the heightened sensitivity has been the hardest hurdle as a small incident can make me withdraw completely for days on end for instance around a week ago my friend and roommate had invited me to see other friends but i had a prior commitment he said he had decided to go later and i said i might come too then and he ignored the statement and planned around me i literally cried about this for days and thought that he must hate me and must not want to be around me becausei amprobably a buzzkill or hes tired of me and he probably doesnt care at all if he didnt even try to give an excuse or anything this is an example of the small occurrences that have been setting me off and forcing me to reflect on my own lack of selfesteemi dont want to be around myself either but i dont have a choicei amscared of finishing my degree because i think i might want to do masters but my parents will be so ashamedi amscared of staying with my aunt if i dont find a new place to live soon enough and my lease is up in two weeksi amscared of getting diagnosed with bipolari amscared of losing everyone in my lifei amjust so tired and i want to sleep all of the time i dont have the capability to get through the next month i wish i could pause time and find a hotel room so i could just sleep and cry alone for half a year i really dont know what to doi amstruggling to live minute to minute ,1
is there any way to get help without actually calling the suicife hotlinei amterrafied of someone walking in on that phone call but its not like ive got much left to lose i justi amupset and i am trying so hard to get through school and then leave the situation that is causing me problems but the longeri amhere the higher the likelihood of me winding up dead is seriously i need help and i cant do anything about the probably somewhat abusive situationidk it isnt legally considered abuse and i dont exactly have the ability to go get theroist to figure things out the one thing o cafe about i feel likei am not any good with i wan to end iti amscared to but i need to talk to someone who can actually do something about the situation or at least reconsider my options ,1
i survived a panic attack and feel proud of it these past 7 months have been awful since my depression came back ive been having panic attacks almost every night and its driving me nuts suicide thoughts every day for sure killing myself looked nice just to stop the panic attacks for oncehowever i faced it this time went outside took deep breaths i even downloaded this app called antistress and man this may sound stupid but it really helps and i could stop them this timeit feels so nice once you beat this shit i felt like sharing it because i know how hard this is to face depression face anxiety face panic but sometimes you just need to try a little and believe me its worth the try,1
i cant take being screamed at and hit any more i just got in a really big fight with my mom after she hit me and i yelled at her about how she doesnt care about me or make time for me and cares more about her canning she brushed me off because her beets shes canning are so fucking important and i amgonna fuck them up like i fuck up everything and then she said her councillor told her to ignore me and i am so mad because shes never let me have a councillor and she expects me to do everything myself and i amputting myself through college and working full time and its the first time ive been home in days and i was kinda excited to see her and i can hear her in the kitchen fucking canning beetsshe doesnt realize how much our fights affect me and how i cry for hours she started crying and now i can hear her laughing upstairs and i thinki amgonna go ahead and kill myself now because why should i live with people who hate me clearly she doesnt fucking care about me enough to just take one fucking minute to talk to me or even apologize so fuck you momthe worst part is i actually feel bad for making her cry and not accepting her initial apology but theres no wayi am going to say sorry shes never genuinely apologized to me in my life i know i have a responsibility in this fight and i have no problem apologizing and owning up but the fact that she thinks shes faultless is making me rip my hair out edit i was just looking at my last post about how much i hate her and i mention her not asking about my new job and surprise surprise one of the reasonsi am so hurt is she hasnt bothered to ask me howi am doing at my new job or school also i realize how much of a brat i sound like but these little things are killing me and i have no one to tell them to,1
why cant i just do it already hey i turned 20 yesterday and it couldnt possibly have been a better day to end my life you might be wondering why i didnt do it then welli am not sure i felt so ready to finally end my suffering and the pain but i just couldnt push myself over the edge of actually doing it all i wished for was for it all to be finally over but i just couldnt do it myselfthis is my storymy life so far has been what most people would consider normal i grew up had friends and family everything i could only wish for etc but since i went to highschool i havent had a single friend i could rely on and talk tomy family always just ignored me when they could and blamed everything that was going wrong on me everybody wished for me to be goneuntil a few years ago i met a girl and fell totally in love with her i asked her out and all and we started dating and became a couple everything was fine and i was already playing with the thought that she is the girl i want to marrythen she hits me with this she doesnt love me anymore or at least she isnt sure about what she is feeling but it isnt the same anymoreafter she told me this my world was slowly starting to fall apart and i became more depressed with each day passinga few months go by and were still trying to work it out at leasti am trying to but it just wont get better and a few weeks ago she broke up with meim crushed and everything i have ever wanted to do in life just became irrelevant she gave me a reason to live and now that shes gone and has moved on i find myself wishing to die every dayi tried writing letters to say goodbye to my family which probably wont miss me that much since i only always annoyed them but i just couldnt figure out what to write so i said fuck it i collected the things which always made me happy when i was down photos of me and her things she gifted me and so on and told her where she could find them if she ever wanted themthen i tried to find the courage to end my so far very miserable existence but i just couldnt do it all i want is that the pain and suffering finally endsplease help me,1
what would u do if u were me no money i cant even buy foods now and i cant have a job and i tried to take a loan but i couldntnow i dont really have a choice isnt it what would u do if u were me its ok to say just kill ur self to me cuz i dont care anymore,1
like playing tennis with a wall every day i dont kill myself is like returning the ball eventually i wont be able to return it,1
why am i like this i fucking hate myself idk how to form relationships with peoplei did things in high school to people that i can never take back everytime i see someone in public look at me i instantly say in my head i could fucking murder you right now i have trust problems i cant trust my family or friends i could have literally ended it right there on the back roads by crashing into a tree i just wanna fucking die the worst that would happen to my family is they would be sad a few days and then get over iti am19 i thought getting off my adhd meds would help but my problems are deeper then that recently ive even thought of killing an animal or something to get anger out i thought this way back in ith grade me and my ex friend killed a bird and burned it in the woods i threatened to blow up a kid at the bus stop i think of killing myself everyday i bought a bunch of 10mg melatonin today idk if thatll work i know a guy with a gun i have money maybe i can buy it from him maybe that will work i thought it would get better but no it hasnt i just dont want to live anymore please just fucking kill me idk why i cant kill myself maybe i was just meant to live in paini always said i will give it two years probably 2 years ago i said that maybe now is my time to go only one person i know knows how deep i am into this and even then thats not all i have no respect for people or myself i started cutting again yesterday i dont fucking know maybe i should just kill myself the only thing that has kept me alive for this long is music it just distracts me from my reality i guess its literaly the only thing that i view as worth living for maybe it isnt even worth living for idfc anymore just thought id share,1
i hate myself there are probably so many people on here who feel this but i am going to share anyway i hate myself i hate everything about who i am and theres nothing i will ever be able to do about it no matter what i do i will always be wrong somehow and theres no way i can change that i always mess up one day soon if not you i will have messed up badly enough that no matter what i say or do my boyfriend will break up with me and i will know for certain that i am nothing and have no purpose at that point i will kill myself and rid the world of this pathetic life i am living i just want to go ahead sms give an open apology to any and all who have had to deal with my insane bullshit including my boyfriend who already recognizes the failure i am who is nowhere good enough for anyone especially himi am sorry maybe soon it will be over goodnight ,1
i dont wanna hurt my family i dont want to go to a hospital i dont wanna live anymore i was diagnosed with mdd and for the past month almost all my thoughts have either been self hating or planning talking myself into my suicide my family knows hardly anything about my troubles i am very good at keeping things to myself through years of experience imagine if your 20 year old came and told you ive been suicidal for almost a decade have more than a dozen attempts and mdd it would be truly heart breaking it would almost come out of nowhere to them sometimes i think the truth may be better hidden i dont think i can live a decent life i am not capable of it i hurt people without realizing it how can i be a good person i think one of the most important things in life is human connections but what if you have trouble making themplease someone help i am very much on the edge i would appreciate an older parents perspective on all of this ,1
i dont want to do it but i feel like i have no chocie even here my parents care 2 much about the little guy 2 even recognize me this may sound as a cry for attention but i really need help,1
tired there are some days i feel so happy i feel like dancing on the stars then there are some days i crash and everything gets too hard simple things like talking to people seeing or breathing feel impossible i have no desire to do anything i just want to avoid everything and everyone i want to hide in some dark corner until those emotions fade i know theyll fade they always do yet time ticks on ahead and i am still in the same place as i was a day ago or decades ago everything around me has changed and i become unable to cope the stress of that makes me crash and the cycle continues its fucked up my mind just cant deal with stress anymore my priority is hiding my emotions and i end up left with no strength at all to deal with things i just dont know how i willi amlosing it ,1
this is it my heart hurts my head is not the safe haven it used to beall of my friends have moved on and my girl isnt my girl anymorei wish you were near but it hurts too goddamn muchshiti am looking at my pills againi amstarting to get lonely again causei am too scared to make friends cause everything thats good always ends,1
the right to die in this world we live in every one stands up for their rights when they can we have people who stand up for marriage equality the right to lead the lifestyle they choose whether it be gay if you ask is being gay normal people get upset and say yes of course it is i was born gay they would possibly say people are becoming more persistent with their rights their freedoms people insist that they are to be referred to in a certain way sir madam regard transgender communities and get upset when they are not blah blah blah black lives matter white lives matter fucking this group that group everyone stands up for a cause they strongly believe in what about the right to die why cant we see this as normal all my life i have wanted to die i have lost count of how many times i have tried with overdoses one of the last few times i tried was by hanging only for things to go black and for me to wake up gasping for airfailed again other times people would always find me unconscious from the overdoses when i was pretty sure there was no way for them to and the door was locked and last week i took a whole batch of valium and alprazolam in a bowl washed it down with waterand apparently i was the one who called 000 and an ambulance i can get completely smashed with alcohol and remember what i do but my wife when she came home after the ambulance took me to the fucking hospital says that i had been vomiting in the toilet and somehow i went for the phone and dialed for the ambulance what the fuck i can not remember this is it a cry for attention no just so they can put me in an acute ward and i loose all my jobs that i do for a week and things just get fucking worse do i really want to die yes and no if we didnt live in this fucked up world of course not but we do so fuck yeah i want to die i am certainly not encouraging others to do so this is my choice i believe my rights just like everyone else thinks their rights are normal you can put me on all the fucking meds you like that is not going to stop my reasoning and thinking that i feel i have the right to die i can actually attest to this i am on them now so my question is why dont we have euthanasia clinics for those who see no way out and have lost all hope not just those for elderly terminally i will why dont we have those rights we lived in a fucked up world everyone screams for their rights and are getting them but for those who are suffering they cant choose to die humanly people dont give a fuck about the homeless those that are depressed suffering with mental i willness if you are living in poverty even though you work hard and do your best they look down on you if you are just a cleaner welfare agencies dont give a fuck if your suffering and cant go on there is no support for you while others bludge off the system and get away with it for years and years the risk of surviving a gun shot wound if its not done right and obviously how to hang oneself is can not work and cause prolonged damage as i found out we need assitance to do so safely humanely without the need for other people to discover you with pieces everywhere or at the bottom of a cliff this world is fucked and upside down,1
can t catch my breath i just can t catch up anymore from my depression and stress everyone has left me and i m just ready no one asks me how i am no one cares i m swallowed in debt no one to talk to work has cut my hours to little to nothing really could use some advice in private if someone could help ,1
simultaneously giving all the fucks and no fucks at all dont know if anyone is here right now dont have the energy to ramble i dont know man like my title saidi amjust out if the energy to care but at the same timei amscared of everything dont know what to do ,1
what can i do about isolation my biggest source of pain and depression is loneliness i dont have friends i dont have supportiveloving familyi ambad with people i cant get close to or matter to anyone what can i do to not feel this painbe affected by being completely alone ,1
experience with antidepressants best and worst i was put on paxil back in 2005 it was absolutely horrible a lot of side effects and very addictive it took me almost a year to ween myself off of it and there are even more side effects trying to get it out of your systemi m now on trintellix been using it for almost 3 months and so far it has been a good experience no major side effects besides a little nausea at firstmy wife had a terrible time on zoloft it seemed to make her postpartum depression worse and she would have really bad episodes of anxietywhat have you all tried and what has worked or didn t work for you,1
i dont have any friends at alli ama community college student and if i dont make friends next semester at unii amcalling it quits life is too damn miserable having zero people to talk to everything i do in my life is pretty much become a secret and my secrets are multiplying by the day most of them bad i cant help but wonder if anyone would care if i just killed myself i mean if i were to do it right now i may not be found for over a day maybe longer nobody would notice,1
i dont know what to do with my lifei am18 and right after i graduated high school literally graduation night i was kicked out of my house which i was being emotionally abused in and nowi amliving over 100 kilometres away from my friends and anyone i care about she held all the stuff i owned there hostage and it took all my saving i had to get it backi amsleeping on a cot in my grandfathers basement with 2 other siblings and my stuff gets taken by them daily to the point where i have no socks and no money to buy more my mom being the manipulative person she is managed to pin all my friends parents against me and i lost a few friends from that and now i couldnt feel more alone i have no one to talk to and all this built up anger i know its not healthy but its getting to me and i just really want this to be over,1
help me i need help i have a wife and 3 kids i was making really good money and then invested in a business that failed dramatically regardless i was always a pathetic failure of a human i faked it til i made it cause i never knew how to be nowi amstruggling to find myself in a life that sits so far from normality i cant fix my financial situation without burning out and i cant take time off to fix my mindset without jeopardizing my career what do i do help me,1
my wife is divorcing me and my kids hate me i wont make through this year no one cares that this is killing me shes always been there and helped me now ive got no that understands me and accepts me i need help,1
a year later precisely a year ago i almost killed myself multiple times gave myself another year to see if things got better and they dont things only got worse made new friends abandoned others thought i found love only to find out i was saving my partner and that was my only interest left my dad moved in with my momsi amgetting hate thoughts of my mother and i dont know why because i love her so much dont even care about my cat anymore sometimes i just have a moment of realisation of what i was thinking and i amlike holy fuck and its more difficult to get out of that state of mind than it was a year ago so i guess it got worsei amhaving a reintroduction to my psychologist soon if i make that far thanks for reading,1
does going to the emergency room for suicidal thoughts actually help has anyone here actually been helped by going therei need to hear some opinions before i actually take that stepi feel likei amstuck being alive because hanging is my only sure option to commit suicide and ive failed at itgot cold feet twice this month and just ended up bruising and scaring my neckmy pain is to the the point where i need either death or medical helpone of those options are about to be taken very soonthat rope is still scarybut its looking less and less scary by the day,1
my girlfriend needs help i need advice on how to help her please my girlfriend has started going through her depression phase again but it seems to be alot worse than before she has done selfharm twice this week and i just really need advice on how to help her i understand that she can just tell her parents but she does not want to go down that road again with all that hospital bullcrap personally i am very understanding when it comes to emotions but understanding depression is something i am still working on ,1
tonight i thinki am going to kill my self tonight it doesnt feel like anything is ever going to get better and i suck at life killing myself seams like the best option except for the hardship it will put my loved ones through i have no other options,1
plan to suicide without loved ones knowing hello hypothetically what would be a good way to go without loved ones knowing much love,1
admittedly suicidal friend two week silence followed by sudden trip brass tacksa dear friend went radio silence a couple weeks ago shed been struggling with ptsd since she was raped a year or two ago and the court hearing last weekend didnt go well a mutual friend and i planned to visit her this weekend she told our friend that she was on a plane going cross country on credit admittedly suicidal sorry for being a wretched friendshe told me a few times never to stop reaching out but she may be extremely distrustful of men right now our sole mutual friend is in a dark place herself and cant safely talk to her im coping with the possibilities as calmly as i can not my first rodeo but i dont know what else to do other than text a few kind words every one or two days she replied with a single heart last tuesday otherwise a lack of feedback justified distrust in men and her chronic guilt of being a bad friend is making it difficult to choose the right wordsill be calling a suicide hotline tonight for advice anything else in the meantimeedit i just clued in that the trip might be a lie and she could be gone will continue as if its true,1
i said september and i meant it ive broken too many promises in lifei amkeeping this one,1
klonopin and vodka ive spent the past 30 min researching how painful it is to die from this combination i tried so hard to make studies work in europe spent years working for it and all i accomplished there was panicking while my dog got sick across the ocean losing friends heartbreak drinking to excess and getting harassed at a gay bar nowi amback home and it feels 2 years of my life ive suffered for have led me back to this i guessi amtypigthis because i want attention no point trying to hide it i feel completely alone and ijust want to feel like my words are being heard by someone or something even if just one stranger sees this because the more i stay here embroiled in my own thoughts the more terrified of myself i get thinking about the things i want to do to myself,1
wishing was dead need jail no helpi am so ready to kill myself nothing left to live for no friends to help me or be with me was assualted by my ex boyfriend friend that came to visit and lost everything practically in my life i lost someone who meant alot to me despite the domestic violence i gone through i cant handle this pain anymore and the security i need doesnt exist for whatever reasoni amjust made fun of for needing a jail cell to be locked down and for needing to have a small space to be chained down in i think that its time i kill myself since there nothing left living and the people i fall for just take advantage of me and hurt me,1
my mind goes blank whenever i try to list lives in whichi ama genuine factor for nonselfish reasonsi amjust sat here at this random chair at this random table outside wondering why i didnt just suck it up and step off the cta platform earlier,1
my bf keeps stopping me and its pushing me closer ive got my benzos ive got my wine but he keeps pinning me down throwing away my benzos and locking me in the housei am so trapped now i have to do it when he falls asleep this will likely be my last post goodnight and good luck ,1
feeling lonely and a little panicky i just received some info that i dont know how to feel about and i feel really lonely because i dont know who to talk to about it should i message my friends i dont want to be a burden by complaining about my problems again ive probably annoyed them enough by nowi wish i had a best friend well i do but we havent really talked and i dont know if i can talk to him about my problems out of the blue online friends and hes been busy latelyedit messaged a good friend i promised i wont bother with my problems anymore but she says shell support me no matter wha so i guessi amgood been a while since i cried haha,1
need to find a method that leaves no trace at all behind why would you want to leave no traceif its because you want to completely erase yourself you wont be able to do that because there will still be a trace in peoples memories of you,1
i need help hi i need help i was cyberbullied someone lured me online it was a jokei am going to kill myself,1
the grass is always brown i ve always been curious about death what it s like to fade out if anything truly happens after if there is nothing and living is all there is i want to experience literal nothingness in high school i was constantly in a state of depression and self harming i would make deep cuts on my thighs the pain felt like scratching an itch i couldn t reach and watching the flow of blood run down my legs and onto the shower floor was an over calming and intoxicating i started dating and freshman year became sexually active the scars and open wounds were embarrassing keeping me from doing much with women which turned a lot of them away but one stayed the first time she saw my scars she asked about them with a scared look on her face i didn t reply i was frozen she pushed her soft lips to my scars kissing them and telling me it was okay and i fell in love i then decided to quit self harm and months later turned to drugs to self medicate so to speak i graduated high school and worked at a pizza place and made some close friends especially with my shift leader who also would sell me marijuana i would work off the clock for him to improve labor cost and in return he would give me a discount and or give me a free pitcher of beer a few weeks later our manager found out somehow i was stealing alcohol and it turns out the same person giving it to me turned me in for it it was my word over his and i didn t want to make him to lose his job so i said nothing and quit arround the same time i was also going through a lot at home my fathers an alcoholic and physically verbally abusive my mother found out i was smoking marijuana and kicked me out i was jobless and homeless so i would stay with my girlfriend and other friends or just sleep in my truck at the river my girlfriend of 4 years went off to college and decided my baggage was to much she needed a break and wasn t willing to talk it out jobless homeless and girlfriendless i bounced arround girl to girl place to place put large amounts of drugs through my system trying to feel somthing other than sobriety when i was sober i was depressed one day i decided i needed out and wanted to better my life so i signed a military contract a few weeks befor i was going to ship to bootcamp my ex texted me begging for me back i was nowhere near over her and took her back with no hesitation i felt good i felt like my life was turning arround she asked if i had sex with anyone when we were apart and when i said yes and she hadn t it made me feel like i had cheated i feel guilty for having sex while we were apart and i don t understand it i went to bootcamp and 3 months later i m a marine i had broken my foot in basic so i was put into a medical platoon and it felt like purgatory doing nothing all day for another 6 months and suffering the consequences of other people s mistakes the thoughts and depression i hadn t felt months quickly came back fast forwardi amnow a year and a few months in i m currently in my final stage of training befor i get to my permanent duty job station i thought joining would improve my mental state giving me a purpose and somthing to do keeping me occupied but i haven t been more depressed me and my now fianc are doing great we have our small disputes but nothing major my parents couldn t be prouder of me and welcome me with open arms but i can t help but feel like shit i hate my life i hate living i m arrround hundreds of people every day i train with them i talk with them occasionally but i can t help but feel so alone and far from the people i love i truly don t think i can keep going and i feel like a bitch more or less for feeling this way when they re is people who have been to combat and seen things i can t imagine that have the right to feel this way i don t know what s wrong with me o can t talk to anyone about it or it ll be reported and i ll be stuck in holding for even longer and i don t want to scare my family so i can t talk to them i don t know what to do and i m slowly pushing my loved ones away i don t want to live anymore i feel like i ve made the worst mistake of my life the only way out is to do somthing and be discharged which would disappoint everyone i love so i m trapped i m not sure why i m posting this i guess i just need to get it off my chest,1
ughhh ugh i feel so fucking awful she was such a great person but now i feel like she fucking hates me i dont know if she does but i feel like she really dislikes i honestly didnt talk to her for a week ugh it hurts so much to think that i did something wrong to her she was my only friend since my other 2 friends left for university id honestly kill myself if i had something to do it with but for nowi amjust going to suffer until i can actually do it ,1
i like the idea of being 25 years old i will be surprised if someone reads this much less responds to this postanyway i have decided to go through with suicide and have made my plans vowed to myself and plan on retaining my commitment to suicide untili am25 years old why arent you going to kill yourself tonight or tomorrowor sometime soon this may be a question that briefly occupies your mind maybe not but its certainly a question that occupied my mind for some time the answer i have may seem weird or contradictory but i figured i would share it since this would be the firstlast time i will share it and becausei amwondering if someone else out there feels the same way or maybe someone canceled their plans of suicide doing the method in the answer i will be describingso the reason whyi amwaiting until i turn 25 to commit suicide is to see if i can make some of my ambitionsdreams come true i would like to try my best for a good or at least stable enough job to let me maintain a small apartment by myself be able to provide for myself and become truly independent strive to finish my schooling and get the degreei amworking towards even perhaps getting the ideal career i want then lets say i accomplish these goals by the timei am25 i would still plan on killing myself but at least i could do so with the knowledge that i tried to do something with my life its becoming increasingly difficult to continue forward with an almost 247 agonizing lonely and emotionally tormented hell constantly being a presence in my life i hate how my world has become so gray and dull to the point where everything i do has to be an act especially at this point in my lifei amonly acting for myself to attempt to convincelie to myself that there is some reason to be happy with my life some reason to keep moving forward i dont see myself finding such a reason to want to keep going on which isi amhere typing this post theres definitely more to say but i cant find the energy to actually finish right now so thank you for reading this weird lengthy af wall of text that ive been burying inside myself for many years ,1
bye i dont know how many days will be enough days but i amdone and itll be soon,1
theres no way out not anymore i dont have rent and todays the last day of the month on top of that i need to somehow get another hundred i have no job no car no future time is up theres no way out of this ive let everyone down they dont deserve thisive been put in a psych ward before for suicide plans i was diagnosed with major depressive disorder anxiety disorder dermatillomania and ptsd i was on medication but stopped i used to cut but was threatened to be sent back if i ever did again it was the only thing that brought me down though now i have nothing i am not able to find comfort in anything things that brought me joy now bring only apathy and dread ive had therapists only one was good the others were jokes the only good one worked in the ward and had no outpatient opportunitiesi try and have tried to push myself away from it so much but every day is like a dagger pushing farther and farther in i have no way out from any of this anymore nothing helps nothing gets better ive been battling depression and suicide since i was a child my boyfriend has a gun i want to use it but i cant imagine his pain if he found that i used his gun to end it he doesnt deserve that i dont deserve him i want better for him i want him to have someone who isnt depressed all the time who isnt suicidal i know it must be incredibly stressful for him ifi amgone the hurt will only be for a little while then he can move to better opportunities ,1
i keep ruining things and i keep having to cut myself because i make life uneasy for everyone else,1
i was supposed to go to school yesterday because i had a test but i took a train and went to a park on the other side of the city i felt much more relieved so how are you guys doing,1
just got fired have no options left just got fired from my job it was my fault i deserve it the second time for the same thing i can t face my family not again,1
i just hurt myself regretful and scared i purposefully slammed my head against a door after trying to drink a bottle of medicine a few hours ago i did not feel anything through all the crying but now a few hours later i am in a lot of pain my head hurts in several different areas except for the part that was actually hit ive been able to google on head trauma and write this i am very scared about what consequences may come,1
talk tonight can anyone talk to me for a bitim not feeling well,1
theres genuinely nothing for me i feel numb nothing i want to do works out i feel likei amcursed i dont even know where to start soi amjust going to lay it all out on the tablei dont have a family life to care abouti lack the interest in love always have not just because of depressed so no wifegirlfriend etc everi dont want kidsi almost died when i was younger leaving me with stunted growth and many disabilities preventing me from ever having a regular job asi ampretty much disabled no one will hire mei cant get better at any of my video games ive been practicing every day for the last 5 years on various gamesi amvery passionate abouti have no interest in making friends because ive had the worst luck when it comes to friends liars users etc so thats also not a priorityi just feel like nothing i ever have a passion to do which is rare ever works out no matter how hard i work for itwhat do i even do this isnt irrational so please dont tell me it gets better or anythingi ambeing logical here,1
i want to slit my wrists tonighti am so lonely i dont wanna be here alone anymore rejection rejection rejection rejection fuck you,1
another day that you are not depressed you are just making this up to gain some attention because this is the internet by some and the usually by then you should be used to work training because you need to be used to the fact that sooner or later youd leave the comfort zone and getting lectured on what sacrifice isthry never knew what sacrifices i did time check its 403am and honestly i dont enjoy eating cake at this time usually i eat a full meal and never think of what happened in the past and cry badlybut its happening and its getting worst as weeks go by ,1
my life is pointlessi am going to be homeless in 48 hours because my mom stop paying rent and moved to do ihss suddenly and left everything up to my brother and me and my brother doesnt do shitshe took the car ive been paying on that she cornered me to even buy and never taught me how to drive now they want to put a house in my fucking name i wont but now since she only told us a week ago we need to find a new place since evictions idk what to doi am not stable i just started seeing my therapist last week but she hasnt texted me about my new schedule nobody cares anymore i feel likei amjust being used i will never be happy ive tried so hard and everything i touch crumbles i even miss my ex yuki t but i fucked it up by holding his cheating on him even after we tried to be friends i had a dream about him last night and i cant shake it right now we are packing apartment and we have no electricity i just i knowi am not making sense at all i just i just ifk brokeni amdone in tired of this world this has constantly been my life and i am tired of living i really am i know i say this before but nobody is home and i am going too do it i rather be dead than continue in this shit world,1
what is the best way to go ive always thought it would be panadol overdose but after doing some research ive learned it could take up to a week before i actually die and its not painless any suggestions ,1
am not really sure ifi amsuicidal hii am not going to share my name but i ama college student whos going to graduate very soon and i have no idea what i want to do with my life originally i wanted to be an english teacher but i didnt get into my colleges teaching program since my coop teacher didnt give me a fair chance she was looking for flaws from the second i walked into the room i honestly dont think there was anything i could have done after it happened i decided that i would just pursue my english degree and learn how to be happy with just that i knew i was lying to myself but now i know for sure that i regret that decision i wanted to be a teacher because i saw it as a way to help people people like me people who suffer helping people is the only thing ive ever been passionate about in my entire life and an english degree wont help me do that ive looked at the options for what a person with an english degree can do and none of them mean anything to me any idiot can edit a paper any idiot can write an article i wont be making a difference so whats the point i could have changed my major but i didnt want to put my family through thati am already in debt and theyve been helping me pay and if i were to change it it would have only caused them more debt and more grief sometimes i wonder if i shouldnt just end it now and get it over with,1
i hope i fucking die today the luckiest thing that could possibly happen to me today would be a brain aneurysm healthy people get them so why cant i its not like i give a shit about being alive anymore so why cant my brain just help me give up already or maybe if something could just fall on me and crush me thatd be nice before i plan on doing something myself my life is going nowhere i dont want to see what it will be like 5 or 10 years from now because it doesnt matteri ama worthless being with no purpose in this world,1
no one gives a fuck about me i think id be better off dead heyi am an 18 year old with a tbi and chronic pain i feel like no one gives a flying fuck about me everyone i talk to says its in your head its in your head just calm down well how the fuck do i fix my head with my head when its already broken i tried talking to my best friend and i said that and he just fucking told me to screw it back on wtf man,1
2 weeks from now i am going to say goodbye i dont know if i ll succeed this time but i think i will it will be painful but i promise myself the pain will only last for few seconds then there will be peace endless peace at least for me i dont know if its against the rules to post gruesome details of how will i do it but yes i ll jump on raging traffic and place my head under a tenwheeler truck i just cant find any other way a gun is way too expensive and i find jumping off a bridge from a building or by hanging being too cliche i dont want to be an inconvenience to the public but getting my head crushed is the easiest i could find at least it will guarantee my death enough with how i plan to end it but this is my storyill save you my personal information but so long as i can remember ive been depressed and suicidal for 7 years 6 and half to be precise since i wouldnt be here in october in anyway i started to develop depression after i was kicked out in the seminary goodbye reddit i know nobody or few would bother to read this but still bye,1
making plans to kill myself i cant succeed in anything i attempt and put effort into i am honestly running out of options and i feel the need to kill myself it feels like i cant succeed at anything i try and put effort into i might do it sooner if i continue to feel the way i am now i am going hang myself in the woods away from everyone i know so i can die alone,1
i dont know who i am anymore thats where i am at right now as i write this i ve been depressed for years now but the depression this time is different stronger i dont really feel down i just feel empty drained of everything that was ever considered me i rarely feel anything anymore or at least i no longer know how or what to feel things i used to enjoy i can no longer stand or no longer get any pleasure out of i have no motivation to do anything other than sleep and i only do things because i am obligated to my personality is gone as well and the feelings i ve had for those close to me are no longer there i am tired of not feeling tired of feeling like an empty shell unless a miracle happens between now and then theres no stopping me now ive gathered my materials and made my preparationsi amjust putting this here because i felt like i should at least get these things off my chest,1
derailing trains of thought things always get bad in the still of night and i am cold and i am getting incoherent and i am being paranoid and irritable and i cant get my mind to slow down i am thinking a thousand different things hundreds of trains on tracks fragmenting off into oblivion and i amrunning around trying to snatch up the bits and pieces of my sanity before they fizzle out its making me so crazy this perpetual frantic last ditch effort to grab these slivers of my mind becausei amfalling aparti am trying not toi am trying to handle it but it just isnt working i dont know what i think anymore maybe the truth is on one of those derailing trains of mine but by the time i get over to the wreckage to salvage some shred of it everythings engulfed in flames and ive got an entirely new set of thoughts dissolving away and demanding rescue this is so insanei am so insane you never realize your brakes are out until you slam on the pedal i could really use some conversation if anyone is out there ,1
i m going to a festival on my last day alive i got so fucking drunk last night was a huge embarrassment to my friends and ended up being taken home from a night out by police after i said i was feeling suicidal to my friend i am going to a festival today get my hands on as many drugs as i can and then take them all in one go i hate myself and i am ready,1
unbearable suicidal ideation tldr everything is awful and i constantly want to die but i am too scared of hurting my friends and family to kill myself for real i ve had suicidal ideations since i was a child i think the first time i ever tried to kill myself albeit quite half heartedly i was 10 years old but lately its gotten worse i dont know what to do i guess i just want support ,1
id just like someone to talk to to take my mind off things ,1
depressed can someone talk to me i m so fkin tired of everything,1
dammit i left the study lounge to get my knife from my room but once i got back one of my dorm friends decided he would come chill with me here so i cant do anything,1
i know this is cliche but fuck i just want to be a kid again i cant take it anymore everything is terrible now i just want to go back to having no responsibility or awareness of how much this world sucks i feel sick to my fucking stomach just thinking about my childhood i just cant do this things are just getting worse and worse the older i get,1
i cant go on anymore its like there are weights on my chest its like the breath is leaving my lungs forcefully its likei amliving in a nightmare coma that i cant wake up from and no one can help mei am on meds trintellix rexulti klonopin seroquel but they dont seem to be helping i am too chicken to do ect and no doctors will give me an maoii dont feel like i can go on anymore this is just too much nothing around me ever feels real its all a dream,1
i am done with the loneliness and repetition i am not gonna sit here and say my life sucks wah i never get what i want etc but i just need to talk about this because might as well post it publically when no one thati amfriends with gives a crap so pretty much i thought that getting a job would help distract me from my depression but i think it got worse first offi amextremely lonely theres a girli aminterested in but i know for sure that even if i were to confess how i felt to her it wouldnt work out becausei ama garbage human i ve been seriously lonely for a long time and the only time ive ever had a so was in high school but then again she had autism so she most likely didnt care about me romantically then there was the other attempt i had at telling someone how i felt and she though said that she loved me left me to rot afterwards so you can see where i am getting at with being tired of being lonely all of the damn time theres that and theres also that i am an artist and thats been dragging me down lately too since i keep drawing but i never get better despite everyone telling me to practice and practice well gee nothing is getting better so it obviously isnt working i am just sick of it i dont even see a point in wanting to keep on living anymore because of my depression eating me away everyday i know i sound bitchy and whiny but i just want out i might buy myself a gun if i have to just to end it or maybe jump off the tallest bridge here in my city,1
ex keeps trying to prevent my death i dont get it i just want to die and someone who doesnt want to be with me keeps trying to make my life better i just cant understand i hate my life so much i havent done much with it except write a few stories here and there i am not confident in my future i hate when people leave me because they dont think i am right for them even though they say i make them happy and make their life better id rather make their lives better than my own but now she says shes so committed to preventing me from killing myself i hadnt even told her i had made plans to do it in the coming weeks i dont want to turn 22 and i want to die instead that would be a much happier birthday present i just cant fathom this why make me feel bad for wanting to be free from pain i dont see myself doing much in the future and all i can see myself doing is killing myself in some way ,1
36 hrs later it been about 36 hrs since i tried to commit suicide i am not sure how to share my original posti am still in the hospital and i will probably be doing 2 weeks in what they call mentality resort whichi amguessing is a nice padded white roomi just want to thank you for all the support everyone has given me honestly i am sure i would ve succeeded if i didnt totally forget that i invited my sister over to talk she saved my ass hands down all i can really do now is hope i get better mentally at least,1
letting it go i have a date in mind to let it all go ive been thinking about it since 2 years and finally ive come to a decision and honestly i feel better nowi amhappy that now i just have to suffer for few more days and if everything goes right i will be free you just cant tell people around you all these things and i wanted to just be heard so i typed it here its not that i never tried to get over it or do something about it but whatever i did all just backfired i have all the positive things to say to people when they are down but for me i dont have anything and maybe i dont even need it anymore ,1
most beautifully depressing songs when i m having suicidal thoughts i like to listen to really sad or depressing music it helps to calm me does that seem weird to anyone else here are some of my favorite depressing songstrue love waits radiohead pyramid song radiohead dead mans will iron and wine trapeze swinger iron and wine wait m83 midnight soul still remains m83 ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space spiritualized to forgive smashing pumpkins guitar beat nancy wilson days like this polyphonic spree soldier on temper trap,1
no one cares and i just want to scream and cry and throw myself off a bridge the world is a shitty shitty place and despite wanting to be a part of its shittiness i guess i am not cut out for it everyone who has ever gotten to know me has come to dislike me i just want to fucking die and stop going through this constant cycle of tricking people into thinkingi amdecent and then getting hurt when they realizei ampathetic and leave me its so fucking hard and no one cares not a single person actually likes who i am the best thing i get is pity even my family dosnt love me they pity me they act like they care when they are just scared i will kill myself and make their lives more complicated than i already have people look at me and see some poor sad thing people have good intentions so they do their best for the poor sad thing but when they realize that they cant helpchange me they give up on me i dont blame them i dont have anything or anyone to live for i am more trouble than i am worth why shouldnt i just disappear and kill myself come on tell me internet show me some more fucking pity tell me how i just need to change my outlook or i need to get out of the house and exercise or how i need to love myself before others can i ve heard it all before i dont know why the fuck i am posting another pathetic cry for help i guess ,1
because i am a loser i will do the world a favor and die even through people here may say otherwise i will do people a favor by killing myself very soon i am an absolute loser i work a low paid job failed school becausei ama retard and ive not had a single friend in my entire lifei amalso in my 30si tried dating but was made fun of and women especially made my life shit growing up they will be glad to hear ive finally removed myself from the world i dont blame them to be honestive been in different types of therapy for years now and nothing has made even one second more bearable i must die to ensure nobody has to acknowledge my disgusting existence anymore the only kind thing for me to do is to die and make sure that i cause myself pain while doing so for my disgusting existence trust me people who knew me as a child had a right to treat me like shit for i was a loser pathetic piece of shit myself why treat a worthless turd anything better than what he is i am glad everybody i knew treated me like garbage because i am garbage so its how i should be treated people have even told me before to kill myself i agree i just wish i could cause myself the pain they wanted before i diewhy shouldnt i end my life,1
i cant take anymore idk what to do anymore pretty sure tonight is gonna be the night i amtransgender and my family is extremely against that i also struggle with severe mental i willness my depression is so bad i feel likei amdrowning and i hear voices that talk to me and say awful things i am sorry to sound so negative but i keep it inside all rn time and i think ive finally broken i feel so so bad for the people i will leave behind but i cant do this anymore even my own family dosent care enough to truly listen and try to understsnd what hope is there ,1
i m ready to do it right now i want to so bad i need to but something keeps stopping me right now i think maybe i can i m in the right mindset to think about the reasons i want to and not the reasons i don tand then there we go as i m writing this my mom texted me to ask what i want on my birthday cake stop making me think of you i just want to go please please someone make this stop please anyone or anything,1
i am just done i literally think about killing myself almost every day its non stop people that are my friends have told me that its a chore to hang out with me its like they only do it because they feel some obligation to i need people around me or at least to talk to me i am half way through a bottle of vodka and i think ive finally reached my breaking point i just moved and met up with someone i knew a couple years ago we were best friends then and he drove out a couple hours away with some other people i just met and they didnt invite me or talk to me about it they kept it hidden from me which i am guessing is because as always i am just a chore to be around ive tried to change who i am and i just cant i just cant maybe tonight will be the perfect night to finally do it,1
i dont have any friends i am mentally worn out and just tired of how things seem to be going in my life help i just want my life to be somewhat normal i dont have the ability to talk to a therapist right now due to insurance problems so i am pretty isolated my friends who i was never really close to in the first place although i am only just realizing how thin our connections were have moved on with their lives and i amjust here alone i dont even bother to go on facebook anymore because i dont care to see their new lives it no longer matters to mesuicidal thoughts still go through my head on a neardaily basis never a plan just the thought of holding a gun to my head and pulling the trigger or something else like hanging just fantasies i guessi keep coming here since i joined the community of reddit its like a drug it keeps me grounded enough to be marginally okay being me is no picnic thats for sure,1
like seriously what is the point this world is unbelievable shit everyone would fuck over everyone else for a little bit of money why would anyone want to bring kids up on this shitty planet i didnt ask to be born in my opinion having children is immoral because this planet sucks i support vhemt,1
is it normal to be suicidal multiple times i ve felt extremely suicidal for months at a time at least four times in my life to the point where i start making plans and then it goes away i guess because its usually school that triggers it for me i just wish there was a way to stop feeling so bad all the time ,1
last week i lost the best girl i ever had three years ago we met i was an alcoholic at the time but she managed to see the best in me we went on and off for two years till we finallu dated just last year through our relationship i woukd drink and we would fight i never put her first and i was just an idiot last week she moved everything out shes finally had enough of my bullshit and so have i i ruined the best thing to ever happen to me and every morning and night all i think about is getting away i am trying to get better with aa and trying to sort out my emotional lrovlems but i am worried without her i am destined to fail i loved her so much and now i have nothing and i just want to die ,1
oh hey here i am making another post that will be ignored you ve all heard it before i am sad i feel like a disappointment a waste of spacei ama pathetic loser who failed high school and can barely handle a jobi amnever fucking good enough for anyone not even myself yadayadayadatheres no point in me making this post the suicidal thoughts are there every single day and they never go away not a day goes by that i dont think about it,1
i want to end my life but i dont want to end it in a painful way i also dont want my family to cry i am very ugly i have deep craters on my face and bad acne that is extremely hard to manage i am a 27 year old virgin and i dont see my prospects of making friends or finding a girlfriend nearing towards a positive outcomeim stuck in a job i hatei ama mascot for two universities the only time anyone ever wants to be around me is wheni amthe mascot otherwise they want nothing to do with me nor do they notice me i am merely an obstacle in everybodys path my family loves me which makes this hard if i were to commit suicide then i would leave them behind with my debt and tons of pain if i could find an easy way to end my life i would like taking some sort of magic suicide pill so i could slip back and let the world take me awaythe only thing that keeps me occupied is my guitari am not even good at it but i enjoy playing it but who would want to see or listen to somebody ugly play the guitar if i had that pill right now id take it,1
does it get worse later in the day for anyone else it seems like the later i stay up i hate myself more maybe its being tired i dont know i should sleep i love seeing my cats after coming home they love me i want to talk to someone but i keep it in because i dont want to annoy people ,1
my therapist sucks ive went through too many and i am tired of looking for a new one afraid when next crisis happens nobody will be able to help and something bad happen psychiatrists didnt help tips anyone feel the same way i dont want to end therapy with my current therapists because i want to stick with her for eight weeks instead of quitting but shes expensive af like mostmy therapist sucks ive went through too many and i am tired of looking for a new one afraid when next crisis happens nobody will be able to help and something bad happen psychiatrists didnt help tips anyone feel the same way,1
can t i can t do it everytime i try too i don t even though i know there s just pain waiting and another attempt i still never do it why,1
idk wtf to do its every day i have no drive anymorei amscared and a bullet sounds better than this,1
finally prepared to end it ive been flirting with the idea of suicide for years now and i think i am finally ready my college caught me dealing drugs so ive been expelled and i dont know what else is left in my life its all ruined i used to be this perfect smart kid with a 36 on the act who graduated as his high schools valedictorian but nowi am another scummy lowlevel drug dealer many of my former close friends have abandoned me and my parents tell mei amtearing the whole family apart i dont see any positive outcome to the rest of my life anymore ive fucked it all up irreversibly this isnt impulsiveive attempted twice before and now i have a real reason other than just hating myself i may as well do it ,1
i wonder i always want to ask people if they would attend my funeral it doesnt really matter if they do or not i am just curious it sounds like i am directly saying i am going to kill myself right this instant so i dont but i want to ask even when i m not feeling 100 suidical just so i know and sometimes i feel like they should know its probably going to happen someday so they should think about whether or not they would attend and come to the terms i may die someday in the near futureand if they said they would i ask them not to bring up this or that its a little bit different than wondering if they care about you especially if its people you havent talked to in a while and its not the same as asking for help either,1
ama burden i dont contribute anything i just take and take and take thats what my stepdad said its so true i just take what i can get and survive i dont give anything i dont deserve a life all i do is take away from the universe,1
i thought i was okay i got a job a beautiful place to live had a great relationshipi amlosing my job and cant find a new onei amjust not good at anything anymore i am tired of fighting i am disgusting i wake up and the first thing i think of is shooting myself in the brain stem i havent been able to get out of bed in weeks now and my job is gone i have a degree in a field thirsty for workers yet cant find anything i am no good for no one nowi cant talk to anyone about my problems or my childhood all my friends died i am posting here because i know i should be but maybe this is just a formality ive typed out my note ten times already sorry for taking up your time i am glad there is a place like this to exercise my thoughts ,1
my life is a waste i m not really sure how much information is generally acceptable in these posts but since i m feeling this way for a lot of reasons i think it d be easiest to start with some background i m twenty years old and in my third year of college and i haven t done anything meaningful with my life i ve been ostracized by peers for as long as i can remember and i m trapped in a cycle of social anxiety that prevents me from being anything more than acquaintances with others i can t get a job i can t even get volunteer positions and i live with my parents and am financially dependent on them i feel like calling me a loser would be generousi m also struggling because i recently came out to my family and some relatives haven t taken it as well as i d expected one of them became very abusive until i backed off and basically retracted what i had said earlier about my identity before this i d been hoping to join lgbt groups on campus but now i feel like it would set people off and most of the people i ve met in the community are a lot more outgoing than i am and i feel really out of placei honestly don t feel like a person and i have nowhere to turn for support all i can think about is hanging myself and after at least ten years of feeling isolated and almost constantly suicidal i feel like i m finally reaching a breaking pointsorry this got so long,1
i am done i am trying to put this together holding back tears i dont see any point of living through this none of you know me and i know none of you will miss me goodbye its hard to explain why i am doing this and i think my parents will be heart broken when they know about it to anyone reading this after the fact and trying to make sense of what i did do realize that this was my decision ive given it thought ive given it time this is the only way out for me i am sorry if i hurt you i am sorry for everything goodbye,1
please tell me what to do anyone i am begging please sorry for bad typingi amcrying so hard i cant see good ive had a bad life diagnosed with depression anxiety at 11 i have a lot of health problems and mental problems if i die right now hes in the right place to get treatment for depression mourning suicide ect i want to be with him i want to be with my only support my bf but i cant i dont know if i will keep getting more content with the thought of dying today i just hate everything i cant even put it into words whats going through my head or what i wanttodo please tell me what to do an help me,1
uh need someone to talk to please message me,1
i want to die i am a junior high student i go to a private school where everyone hates me my parents wont let me leave the school my older brother constantly beats me and takes my stuff my senior parents favor him over me they tell me it was my fault for getting beaten up for asking for my phone back last night i ran away 3 days ago and they just found me and took me back home i want to die but i dont want to kill myself i am constantly made fun of for being 63 i come back everyday study and cry myself to sleep my dad also talks to women behind my mothers back i literally wouldnt shed a tear if they were all taken away from me,1
i can almost cry on command now all i have to do is stop pretending that my life isnt absolutely worthless and i cant even stop myself from crying i feel like the highlight of my day every day is crying its the only time i truly feel like myself i do it so much it just feels natural i hope i get shot in the street tomorrow i dont want to cry anymore,1
how can anything make me feel better i want to die still i am very upset nothing anyone says can make me feel better because no one is willing to be here with me no one in the whole world is will or able to sit with me i dont talk to people anymore and i hate my life and no one loves me and i want to die please someone help me feel better,1
no self worth wide has crushed me so after 11 years of me being disappointed with our sex life my wife told me she has never been sexually attracted to meover the years shes had reasons for not wanting sex but everytime those reasons are resolved she adds more reasons this isnt about just having an orgasm its about a lack of connectionanywayi amcompletely reliant on her financially as my mental health deteriorated over the yearsive got nothing left death greets me warm now i will just say good bye,1
am not really sure what to do anymore ive been trying to get ssi since 2014 based on my mental health problems but just got a letter showing the judge denied me they literally sent me pages and pages of evidence my doctors sent in i was pretty much denied because i felt well enough to go to an anime convention one time so it means i am well enough to hold down a full time job i am just not really sure what to do at this point i was hoping to be approved so that i could stop being a burden on the people around me but that didnt happen also once i got approved i planned on coming out to everyone as transgender so that i could avoid being kicked out onto the street for being different than my family but now that i feel that i cant do that i feel like i have to keep these overwhelming feelings inside for even longer and it makes me feel like shit so i have no idea where my life is going i have severe depressionbipolar disorder keeping me from being able to hold down a job and i ama closeted transbi person everyday i find myself romanticizing the idea of suicide and how it would be an end to all my problems i know that it would hurt my family and friends but i keep getting closer and closer to the point where i dont care anymore eventually i feel likei am going to break and then that will be that i already have two methods chosen either hanging in the woods near my place or throwing myself over the overpass before or after a doctors appointment near where my psych doc is located i m not sure what i even plan on getting out of this thread i just need to type stuff right now like i ve said multiple times i just dont know what to do anymore ,1
i am trying to but i just cant i have everything i need but i cant do it why cant i do it i hate life i hate the way i feel i hate how money rules my life i hate doing anything nothing brings me joy or even peace i just want to end it all i hate this why cant i do it ,1
point of no return is it true that once a person knows they re going to kill them selves there s a small chance of them being convinced otherwise i ask this because this is the second time one of my friends has passed this way i can t help but beat my self up over all the what if s now,1
worthless i want to over dose on 46 pills of 10mg of fluoxetine i already cut i dont feel satisfied this blade is too thin i wonder if i am doing enough,1
lately the impulse to kill myself has gotten a lot stronger and i dont feel entirely safe especially sincei am going to be living alone for a stretch in the near future id like to know that i could call a hotline in case of an emergency but i am still on my parents cell phone plan and i dont want them to know if i call one soi amconsidering getting a burner phone for that purpose but i dont know much about prepaid phones do i keep having to pay monthly in order to keep the number or can i just add some minutes one time and forget about it do i have to activate it ahead of time or can i wait to activate it when i need it thanks for any help,1
how much would it hurt to jump out of the car door my mom always abuses me while driving me and my brain shuts off like nothing matters and i just wanna jump out but i know i might not die right away and just end up sliced in half or something one time she was driving me to work and i yelled back at her and she drove me right home and i couldnt go to work anymore,1
i want to kill myself it feels like a completely rational decision no one cares about me my only friend wants me for sex only,1
i want to be normal i am not normal i wish i could live a normal life but i look at people and envy how they can express their emotions to people they barely know so well selective mutism has ruined my life i want to end it i want to kill myself and see if people would actually care or if theyd say yeah saw that girl once or twice she never talked i have 0 friends pathetic of me i know any friend ive ever had ive pulled away from me and my cousin are very close but since ive become depressed again ive pulled away i want to make an impact on someone i dont know how anyone could help me ive tried and failed i cry multiple times a day every day every single day i want to be normal so bad,1
in the hospital first time hospitalized ever including suicide attempts looks like they re involuntarily hospitalizing me funi amsuper relieved though when i was walking around getting ready to find a place to do it and it was totally cathartic i felt good about my decision usually id get anxious and coward out but this was just so simple for me but someone found me hours later ,1
i am pathetic and nothing brings me joy or hope anymore or well nothing has for a very long time any possible future i could imagine feels like a drag everything i currently do feels like a drag which is exhausting and i wonder if there is even anything that could make me happy meds and therapy havent worked for me so i am giving up on trying to find a solution to this feeling i am going to end my life because theres nothing thats going to make it feel worth living for me,1
my life is a joke i am constantly dealing with the feeling that no matter what i attempt to do i will always be a failure or just a mediocre person at best i will absolutely end my life it has no purpose so far anyway so why not,1
i am fucked up messed up couple months back my best friend of 8 years committed suicide it was his second attempt and obviously his first success ever since ive been really aimless and confused and disillusioned but above all stagnant i m no stranger to suicidal tendencies myself i only have interest in being alive for the sake of others ,1
i can barely stand it anymore both of my parents barely ever pay attention no me they mainly just talk and be with my older sister my depression and anxiety got the best of me a couple weeks ago and i ended up cutting my right arm kinda bad my mom only said something about my arms yesterday because i was drawing on my arm not the cuts i honestly dont know how much longer i can go on like this ii just dont know what to do anymore,1
would it hurt sometimes when i have a bad day i ask myself if it would hurt if i just rode my bike into a wall at 150 mphi dont really wanna die at least i think i dont but the thought of being able to get rid of all my problems that easily kind of comforts me,1
obsessed with suicide ive attempted once before and got baker acted and the whole nine yards nowi am so broke i cant even afford a therapist and have been having sleepless nights reading different suicide methodsforumsi amobsessed with it and it has not been leaving my mind for a bit now i feel like driving my car into a wall 100mph with a blunt in my hand and maybe some psychedelics in my system or some other substances hell i might even do it today and not plan much for it because why the fuck not the fuck should i do i cant afford getting help and i just keep getting bills after bills i cant ever catch up and pay for things i like i just feel like i cant be happy ive always felt this way even when i wasnt struggling financially and when i was well off with a partner too for some reason it seems no matter my circumstance i just want to be dead not awake black screen,1
i have schizophrenia fibromyalgia ocd i will go blind within two years and i just got diagnosed with severe ecoli and a herniated disci ama college dropout and i lost all my friends due to drug addiction edit i just found out i am hiv positive tldr how in the fuck does anyone expect me to deal with this shit,1
stuff that happens all the time in my life i am doing this because my family hates me so much they actually hurt me physically and verbaly they also threatened me and said that if i dont go to school i dont go cause the fucking teachers are being assholes one time they pined me up against the wall and said that i no one cares about me and if i kill myself no one would care and by then saying that i every time i go in the toilet and cry about it because it huts me it hurts me so bad ive actually tried to commit suicide and ive cut myself they would threaten to hurt me phisicly and i say fu off or anything swearing wise and they threaten me again to hit me and i do it again and they hurt me so bad i start crying and noi am not a crybabby and everyone i know they either say to me your an assholes i hate you or my favroute go and kill your self i was being sarcastic and all i need is some one to help me and care but no one does,1
i took extra meds last night 140 mg of fluexotine instead of my usual 80 100 mg of desyrel instead of 50 still depressed as hell i started googling how much it would take to end it all but kept coming up with liver damage posts theres never a quick solution is there,1
good bye ok so finally i had enough of this acting to be happy person i am not that kind of girl from below average girls i think its time for me to leave this world that obviously doesnt want megood luck guys and girls,1
dont want to die but my life is over hi there a few months back now the start of june i went on holiday for what was meant to be a fun great time with my friends there was plenty of drinking maybe too much stupidly and one night my heart was racing eyes couldnt focus and my brain felt foggy ever since that night it has been there 247 i have something wrong with me but doctors say all my tests are clear my short term memory is awful and i cant remember anytjing i just feel numb and in pain i cant run without being out of breath after 10 seconds what gets me is i loved life i loved it dearly and had so many aspirations but now its all over because of one stupid mistake i would of killed myself by now if i wasnt worried id fuck it up and because of my family my life is a living hell and a utter nightmare i just want to be able to function like a normal human things will never be the same again and its tragic because i am a good and nice person i try to be the best person i can and i get this why me what did i do to deserve this,1
no reasons to live life isnt worth it i have nothing to look forward to i have no reasons whatsoever to get out of bed in the morning i dont have a single reason to be alive but i am so worthless i cant even kill myselfevery day i pray some freak accident will kill me becausei am too much of a pussy to do it myself i have friends that are supportive but the only advice they ever give me are things will get better itll be worth it in the end you have more worth than you know that kind of vague stuffthat all means nothing to me it wont get better because i am 100 useless and unable to make things betteri have to sit here watching all my friends be successful going to early college taking hard classes and getging good grades getting in commited relationships and having sex all of said friends younger than me when i havent come close to any of thoseim worthless and undesireable in so many ways itd be better if i was dead so people donr have to deal with me anymorei feel like maybe i want to find a reasin to live something to keep me content until things get better but i cant i find joy in literally nothingi am so tired of waiting i cant focus in class becausei am too busy fantasizing about death i want to be dead more than ive ever wanted anything,1
i am writing my suicide note while sitting next to my 4 year old beautiful daughter watching sesame streetmy diseased brain is winning stop look at her and that should be a reason to stay stop at least tell me how your day was,1
i dont know what to do anymore all of my problems are so trivial and dumb and i amyoung compared to you all 14 but i just wanted to get this out thereso basically last year was hell for me and completely destroyed my selfesteem ive ended up liking this girl and i know how trivial and stupid this is but it terrifies me because i dont want to hurt other peoples feelings and i might make a mistake it makes me not want to live or isolate myself foreverim probably really stupid and selfish but i am not sure how to continuei am trying to prevent myself from crying right now soi amjust gonna leave it at this,1
i want to die so bad but cant i am so done with life i cant deal with existing as whatever i am anymore i certainly am not worthy enough to be called human i m a 100 percent useless waste of space nothing about me is redeemable i m just awful through and through i desperately want to die i hate life i have 0 reason to get up every morning tell me why i should die if i end up killing myself i would want to thank them for finally making me end my suffering,1
we insist upon forcing one another into the same hell we ourselves wish to escape we must truly enjoy each others sufferings much like crabs in a bucket not really at least speaking for myself i can tell you that i just dont want anyone to go through what i ve been realizing you re beyond hope doesnt mean you give up on others ,1
i am at the point where i cant feel anything anymore i will probably kill myself either today or in the next week i just dont see any point in staying alive if owning a gun would be as easy as in america i wouldnt even write this and just kill myself right away i bet it wouldnt even hurt i feel so much pain every day a quick knife cut wouldnt even hurt,1
why should i keep going i dont have any family or friends and that isnt an exaggeration i lied to the only person i have my partner about being sick so they wouldnt abandon me i confessed half a year later we still live together in a foreign country where i know no one because i would be homeless otherwise i dropped out of uni twice i am unemployable i see no more hope i have to live with them for a few more months and they remind me all the time of how i need to leave in a few months making me feel even more abandoned they tell their friends about how obsessive i am and delusional i have no one else literally no one else ,1
i need advice i am worried about my brother hes 19 my parents kicked him out when he was 18 for stealing their pot and shit so hes technically homeless but he just stays at different friends houses every night its no doubt that hes been really depressed but lately it seems to be getting worse and worse he hasnt really talked to me in months and when i do text him hes really distant the last time i texted him i asked him why hes so distant with me and he said idk i have nothing to talk about not used to talking to people who listen hes always on drugs he recently tried to quit but gave up after about a week and my parents arent even trying to help him out and now he seems more depressed than ever ,1
angry depressed disinterested not sure which i willness ,1
i dont want to die but i cant cope with life either i am a 19 year old girl i am terrified of death to the point where my life is now being wasted on severe anxiety and dread i have developed severe physical symptoms and have been referred urgently for a scan of my brain to detect any neurological conditions i am terrified that theres something wrong with me but at the same time i think its possible that i am having such a massive mental breakdown that its manifesting in me physically i was psychologically abused for years by my father and still am experiencing his abuse i was also sexually assaulted at 14 and have no one to turn to or care for me and am being dismissed by mental health professionals i am very lost and afraid,1
feeling like its too late i intend on hanging myself this halloween id hate to devastate my family but everyone in my life should see it coming anyway,1
21 years old never been kissed never had a girlfriend never had sex every day i want to kill myself tonight i am feeling especially shitty i just cant take it anymore it would be so much easier to just die,1
i have three days i have three days i have the gun i have the bullet i have three days,1
too good at appearing to cope not coping my therapist told me i m a master at hiding my feelings i think people who have struggled with depression for most of their life know exactly how to put on an act,1
just done it swallowed a few too many propranol life is fucked i ve been getting told things get better for almost half of my life now they ve never got better just much worse like i ve genuinely lived half of my life wishing i wasnt here how fucking funny is that ahaha hopefully i had enough propranolol to get the desired effect cheers to the people on here trying their best,1
i need help for my friend my friend is showing many signs of suicide and depression he casually brings up jokes about dying i usually try to laugh it off so it doesnt darken the mood i ve had a serious talk with him only once and it seems hes depressed because he isnt popular and doesnt talk much with other people besides me and some other people i know for sure hes suicidal because ive seen him post something like i dont want to live anymore what should i do,1
no one asked if i wanted to be born like wtf so i hate how my waking hours are spent working and working and working doing what they want me to do and then i get hardly anything and the cities in the usa are violent crime impoverished shit holes tell me how this is the best place to be you see i got hiv and have other health conditions and i find no enjoyment in life i calmly explained to my parents that it is immoral for me to have child much less them when this world sucks so much i find it horrible ,1
i dont have the energy to make my life better i was so happy i had such a hard year in my 2nd year of college dealing with anxiety and depression i dont see the point in investing my love and energy in anything because i am in so much pain,1
i just want to end it all maybe tonight i have roomies moving in tomorrow but i really dont want it thing is it brings our rent down by a lot utilities included so its really hard to say no especially when they cannot afford rent in the area fucking housing crisis if we said no they would literally be on the street tomorrow no figurative hyperbolic speak here just on the street and nowhere to go i dont know where i m going with this i just wish it would all end already if i have to go through 10 more years of this shit it just isnt worth it life just isnt worth it nothing i do makes living worth living through,1
i just feel useless i feel like my life has been for nothing i worked hard for 4 years to get through university and get a masters and its all for nothing i have no job no prospects i live at home and have 25 to my name i am a fucking failure,1
i am tired please give me one reason i am so fucking sad i am too young to be this sad i am too young to constantly dream about my death or see my dead body wherever i go i cant go to therapy i cant go on medication both per my parents rules if i try to talk to them they tell me its my fault i am not helping myself they tell me to knock it off or get over yourself i am so vulnerable and needy and lonely please give me a reason not to break into a safe in my parents closet and take the bottle of vicodin in there or not to take a razor blade and draw on my arm with it ,1
trapped i ve made a huge mistake and i hate my daughters father waiting for the suicide hotline chat to put me in contact with someone this hurts really bad i m really angry i m just so sick i am literally sick i want out i want to hurt myself i want to bleed i want to be taken fucking seriously i want to cry i hate this i hate what i ve gotten myself into and i hate saying it,1
my life ends here and now i ve never amounted to anything in the 30 years i have been on this planet ive no friends no family and no one who cares about me left i lost my job and will certainly lose my home soon as well theres nothing left for me but to take that lonely plunge off a bridge maybe deaths icy embrace will finally make me feel comforted good bye world ,1
i dreamed of a sunset at the end of a tunnel i cant pretend i am okay i need someone who will just listen and care without any ulterior motives i dont want to stress out my friends or familyi amat the end of my rope i need someone while i still care because once i m done caring cest fini,1
only 2 months left just created this throwaway but been feeling this way for too long i ve wanted to sleep and not wake up when i lost my last job in july i nearly pulled the trigger i just have no one else to talk to and i don t know how much longer i can stand it tldr no job no hope no future and only 2 months left till we re broke,1
25 and my body is broken i cant imagine what i ll be like in 10 let alone 40 years i am so bitter about that tldr disease has taken everything just want to die now,1
to nervous anxious to talk to people i want to talk to someone about my problems and such but i am too nervous to do so also it isnt just being scared to talk but when ever i think about it i feel weird and awkward about it its hard to explain what the feeling is thoughts on how to go about this,1
i have extreme anxiety and my job makes me do what causes it every morning i have so much fear that i consider suicide and i just dont think i can keep going anymore ,1
i am depressed but i cant make myself believe that i am depressed enough to do anything ,1
i have felt sometimes that if i was gone the world would be much happier but then they tell me that i shouldnt use the word depression and suicide is the most selfish thing one can perform and then they yell at me for like an hour please help,1
hit me like a wave i am just gonna do it i am so tired of this shit i cant catch up with my pos life,1
i should probably just do it sooner than later everything makes me feel inadequate the smallest things completely ruin my mood i have no selfworth at this point i hate myself and i m never going to not hate myself i m not going to make it through the rest of med school without attempting at least once so i should probably just go ahead and try for several months now i ve thought about what a tragedy it would be for my friends and family if i killed myself but i m starting to get past that it wouldn t be so sad if i just didn t have to deal with everything anymore i m starting to realize what a relief it would be,1
one every 22 seconds this october will be a year that i was medically discharged from the military for crippling ptsd i have been hospitalized over 10 times for suicidal ideations since november of last year including two 30 day residential treatment facilities i am now enrolled in an intense therapy program though the va and nothing is changing i have a plethora of medication that i have saved up for months i cant live like this anymore update 22 a day not thinking clearly,1
i am not fully suicidal but i do have occasional thoughts of suicide but ive never made a physical attempt and i dont plan on doing so if i tell them that are they gonna notify local policemy family i dont want my parents to know bcuz theyre already stressed about financial issues and even though i know they would do anything for me i dont want to add more stress to them so again would the suicide hotline notify my parents or local police if i mention that i have thoughts of suicide but not planning on actually comitting it,1
cycles of anxiety i just dont want to be me anymore,1
my closest friends are all suicidal if one of them goes they all go honestly it makes me want to do it but i know that theyd all do it too its a chain reaction it wont end i am scared for them i m scared for me ,1
i am going downhill life has its moments and all but its not worth it too me anymore my dad is suicidal my mom is an alcoholic my sister is throwing away her future for a boy and i have the nerve to thinki ambetter than everybody for reasons i dont know why i dont have any real friends my days are constantly the same i am always tired and i am on the path to a life i dont want i am going to drop dead one day so why not do it while i am young i got the plan and the stuff now i am just waiting for the right moment ,1
are sleeping pills good enough exactly what the question asks would they kill me if i take a lot i am getting desperate and i dont know if i want to run around until i find a roof high enough to jump off from i dont think i have the balls for it ,1
i feel like hurting myself i have no real reason yeah i have major depression and anxiety but i just feel its my best option right now i feel like i work to live nothing excites me anymore and i feel like wheni am not sadi amjust distracted never really happy i just turned 24 and i work a meh job and still live at home like a loser i also recently finished my ged and my folks are proud of that but i feel it was still just a waste of time i dont know how to be happy i dont want anything and i have what i need but i just feel this is where i ll always be in life and i ll never go anywhere,1
its just an accepting feeling at this point so i have been dealing with depression for over a year now and these past 3 months or 4 i dont really count anymore have been the most suicidal i have ever felt and its been the worst this week everyday is just the same and the pain just starts feeling numb i would ve killed myself already if it wasnt the fact i have to deal with the chest acking thought of accepting my death but as of late its just become more,1
growing and getting better i recently attempted to kill myself ever since then my life has been improving so well i ve met someone who makes me happy i can be happy on my own i havent felt suicidal at all ever since my attempt and i havent even felt that depressed im super happy now i hope all of you guys can experience this soon i dont think i ll need this subreddit for at least awhile thanks to everyone whos helped me throughout these hard months,1
its all so pointless today i am just done i cant keep pretending things will get better they wont i keep trying and trying and trying to hold on but i am tired i am angry all the time i have ptsd i should just blow my head off and be done with it since i ll always be fucking stuck like this,1
i am falling apart and my insides are collapsing i miss you so much please come back or i will kill myself,1
i am typing this to either figure out a reason to live or to confirm that my life might as well end at this point i dont care what happens i would probably never achieve anything meaningful anyway,1
i feel helplessly depressed been feeling this way for a very long time years now i think with intermittent moments of happiness trying to be strong and a little bit more selfless because 2 hurricanes hit my island and everything here is going to pieces but i cant seem to be a bigger person want to off myself feel hopeless feel estranged from loved ones and friends i wish i had the guts to kill myself ,1
living a total lie i find myself obsessing and feeling hateful and angry and sad i sometimes wish i wasnt here anymore i am so sorry i made this huge mistake i will never forgive myself,1
the end of the road i am 18 and i just cant exist anymore i am failing school and i know that deep down there is nothing i can do about it there is future for me i have already been spoken to twice this week about how much of a failure i am by staff at school i just feel overwhelmed there is too much work to do and i am never going to get the grades i need i cant break my bad habits i just cant i have been looking at people killing themselves online i have been thinking about drinking bleach or jumping out of a window all day i really want to cute my arms too really deep cutsi have no future as far as i know i am already dead i guess i need someone to talk to though,1
i want to end it all but i dont have the energy i thought about it a few times and even considered what i would put on a note or my will but ive never tried i dont know if its because i am too scared or if i dont want to bother anyone more than i already have its gotten to the point where my flaws get in the way of everyone ,1
its not my husbands fault he just needs someone different every time someone in the public eye dies by suicide i think well shit that seems like a good idea i ve been suicidal off and on since july 2015 being suicidal for 2 years actually means i am a lot closer than i was then i ve got a better plan done more research and i am now in a place where its actually easier to do ,1
rage sadness and powerlessness feeeling like shit 24 7 this world is unforgfiving and ever unwelcoming when youre a loser like me my adrenaline is caged i just wanna get the fuck away from me,1
nothing left worth living for i cant hold on anymore ive already tried anti depressants that doesnt work they arent miracle pills after all probably going to hang myself in the next week or so at least i wont feel like shit all the time,1
dead kittens i remember now that time my mother told me about how she drowned some kittens because she wouldnt have been able to care for them my brother is going nuts lying about everything to everyone drinking debts to no end breaking up with everyone in the family except me yet although he has been lying to me too today my mom told me she would be so glad if she wouldnt need to see him ever again in the past she said she wouldnt care if he tried to kill himself again i wondered if she thinks the same about me,1
help i had a nervous break down last week and i almost killed myself the feeling of urgency passed but now it feels likei amalways thinking about doing it one way or another i dont know what to do with these thoughts,1
i dont know how to help my friend my really good friend broke down crying today while talking to me about not knowing what to do shes been depressed for three years were in eighth and shes tried so many medications and therapists and nothings changed for her i just want the best for her but she doesnt want to go to a hospital because they re going to lock her up and shes despaired because the medication wont work and she hasnt found a good therapist and i dont know what to do shes cutting again and thinking about suicide and i really dont want to lose her,1
ive been trying not to give up for 18 years just lost,1
set a date my only true companion of 9 years my dog passed away suddenly due to a ruptured intestine on the same day i lost my best friend because she doesnt reciprocate my feelings for her funny thing is i pleaded to talk to her for a bit because i just needed someone to talk to she had been very busy with work and off the grid for a couple of weeks mistaking my plea to talk to her about her answer she simply curtly rejected me and went offthegrid again its not her fault she wouldnt have known i have a propensity for irritating long personal talks anyway i think for most people here the slow burn is what compels them to eventually end it its a slow tired grind and its the same for me and similarly i am tired of it too very very tired truth is i am just lonely but i have been feeling that way for 11 years now my family is pretty much entirely dysfunctional since young so thats not an option i do have friends but i just dont connect with them as much as i did with my best friend but now thats not an option either and this always happens people go away when they get to know who i really am my dog phoebe is the only one who keeps me company on long lonely days but now shes gone only thing holding me back now are the releases of justice league and star wars after that maybe i ll go on ahead ,1
my husband wants a divorce this is after he cheated on me and we had been trying to fix it he seemed genuine and i believed he wanted to make us work a few days ago he said hed cut me off financially and i wouldnt be able to go to college anymore if i didnt decide i loved him soon yesterday he told me he wanted a divorce and now hes back tracking that comment i tried to find the razors last night and just end it but he found me and instead of trying to stop me he just insulted me we have a son and hes what keeps me going but now i think hed be better off with a better mom who isnt depressed all the time ,1
help me to help another i checked up on my exs twitter after about ten years apart not the first time i ve done this but the most worrisome she didnt mention suicide but i ve never seen her like this she has a life long history of severe ptsd from childhood one of her more recent relationships ended in a mysterious death which was probably just a suicide but still is worrisome i just feel so bad and i feel like i could help but it would strain my marriage so i dont know if theres anything i can do at all,1
i have decided to end things well bye world if there is a next life please let me keep some of my memories so that i dont make the same mistakes next time,1
suicide is relief i wont ever be well adjusted or normal i wont ever have my shit together like a normal person i dont want to live for 50 years constantly failing being seen as and actively being lessersleeping forever and never waking up sounds perfect,1
is there an easy way to kill ones self ,1
for over a decade no reason to wake up everyday all college is doing is adding debt onto my record and destroying my household dysfunctional as fuck family an alcoholic absent father a nariccist ignorant mother suicidal thoughts violently flood my veins and pump my heart full of scars smoke more feel less pain o nly reason i havent gone back to hospital is because if i survive then id be stuck under suicide watch again which isnt fun,1
i dont know what to do i feel so miserable i just want it all to end the only thing thats keeping me from killing myself is my parents i dont want to hurt them i cant keep living anymore ,1
they put up a fence at the bridge i was gonna jump from i have planned to jump off the george washington bridge in nyc for years the idea always bought me comfort and relief the bridge is a popular suicide spot high and with beautiful views the railing was low and easily manageable now they have put up a fence just so the tourists wont see other peoples realitythis is so fucked up man people will kill themselves anyway if they re determined enough but why force them to go somewhere else the bridge is a beautiful spot the government dont allow asisted suicide and dont allow people to jump from nice locations no compassion at all now i feel lost that was the only thing getting me through each day i always thought the gw bridge was a dignified way of dying a simple leap now there is a tall ugly fence,1
not motivated to live there is nothing particularly wrong thats currently happening in fact the only struggle i am currently facing is horrible grades the reason for those horrible grades is that i just dont feel like putting effort not only at school but everywhere i just dont feel like livingthis isnt the first time ive thought about giving up however ive honestly always been afraid unable to bring myself to do it i dunno whati amhoping to achieve by posting this hoping for some opinions i guess,1
any event triggers suicidal thoughts any bad situation in my life no matter how insignificant it is makes me want to kill myself awkward social interaction being criticized by others etc not sure why this happens oftentimes i think something is seriously wrong with me and i lack the survival instinct others have since i want to give up on life so easily imo life is worthless and the bad moments greatly outweigh the good ones in quantity and quality so i dont care if i stop living ,1
i am writing my notes and wondering if i should tell mum i am in the process of writing my final notes to loved ones and its occurring to me that maybe i should tell someone i really want to die but i dont want to hurt my family how do i go about this,1
abandoning life and running away bye i am done with everything yeah bye i guess,1
hopefully i wont wake up tomorow i just took bout 10 hydros drunk a bottle of jack and hopefully i wont wake up mom i m sorry i couldnt be the person you thought,1
i cant get suicide out of my head its been all i think of i cant make decisions i cant continue on i feel like my life is coming to an end all ive been able to think about is how i would do it and what i would say i love my family and friends and people close to me so much but my inner turmoil is never ending its been 12 years of this ive never had a time of absolute calm ive tried everything this seems the only way out ,1
i am very unhappy because i am ugly and i get treated like shit for it i am just an ugly sad case sitting around waiting to die each morning i wake ok had me thinking ohss fucking hell not this again anyways idk what else to saythanks for reading pics are on my account if you want to see,1
i feel like i should have the right to die why isnt euthanasia legalized i dont want to fight this bullshit anymore,1
hi my name is jason i am 17 i dont plan on turning 18 i dont want to say anything else,1
amending it soon mom in jail dog died staying with my abusive grandma aunt died untreated mental i willnesses best friend moved to oregon second best friend almost killed herself the other day i cant take this pain anymorei am not actively planning to kill myself soon but i feel like there will be a day where i know its time bye everyone,1
the voices are getting louder bye all ,1
life is 10x worse after attempting suicide its been months and everything is worse the depression is a whole other level ive never experienced i miss my friends i miss my best friend i hate myself i know in my heart the end is soon,1
i need help ever since i was born my mom would always physically abuse me but as i got older it was more emotional and i cant do anything about it but its really hurting me and just making me want to go onto things like drugs or even her alcohol i think about how much it would be better if i died but i have some people in my life who actually care and i wouldnt imagine losing them a lot of people also take advantage of me because of my looks but then always go behind my back and i cant take it anymore,1
sigh my life has just been a series of disappointments i never asked to be brought into this world and i want out whenever i think ive hit rock bottom somehow it gets worsei amsick of waiting for the next thing to go wrong ive struggled with depression for so many years and i finally went back to the doctors and prozac is just fucking me up so bad i throw up every day regardless of if eat or not i have no energy and no motivation the person i truly thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with broke up with me just over a week ago now hes been so cold and distant and i dont even have the energy to cry anymore all i want to do is sleep but i have crippling insomnia i m supposed to turn 20 i am november but i dont think i will make it until then i dont want to sit and wait for the next shitty thing to happen to me and break me down even more i want control over my life back and i honestly feel like the only way i can get that is to just end it all everyone says they care but no one shows it,1
first time i physically almost killed myself on purpose ,1
how to prevent your friend from suicidal thought so guys this is my story i have a friend and she is close to me for almost 2 years but i notice something that sometimes i feel like she used a mask for her everyday life it is 3 mask and i the only person that notice it the she said she have many problem and many people thinks that she is super happy person with no problem at all but all she did is faking her smile last night we call but when i am trying to be there and say that she is not alone she just push me back saying that she can drag me to her suicidal thought and even if i stayed with her the situation wit her suicidal thought wont change she said dont have any hope dont know how to hope dont know what to hope forshe learn psychology she said that ppl with suicidal thought can survive with hope but she has none i dont want everything turn like chester bennington but i dont know what to do right now i want to give her hope but i dont know how,1
ready to go death cant be worse,1
anyone want to pm me i don t have anyone in my life who cares enough to talk to me i can feel my mind breaking,1
i am worthless i have no value to anyone i am not making anyone better i am not doing anything for anyone i am just worthless i pushed away my friends i never even had real friends i am just worthless to everyone and i know ppl will say you are not and there are people who care about you which i know is true but i am still worthless my existence just is just a burden to earth i just ruin everything there is no helping this i should be gone should have been long gone i dont know what to say or what to do i am and will forever be worthless,1
1 week left id rather be dead than put myself through that cycle again ,1
am running out of energy to keep trying i recently made a pretty big move across the us and started at a new job moving and starting a new job like this has been so much work i just feel so legit overwhelmed my anxiety has been through the roof and i havent been able to relax at all it takes a lot of control to keep myself from just totally freaking out i feel likei amstarting to lose the will to keep it up it really is a lot of work giving up and just not having any more worries is pretty enticing i havent really felt this suicidal in a while so its a little surprising to me i guess the scariest thing for me is that whether i halfass it or not i live by myself so there wont be rescue coming my way on the other hand it will be a long time before anyone finds me its kinda morbid to talk about idk maybe i wont see thursday eveningmy thoughts are so scattered i dont really know if theres any point to this aside from just expressing it i feel sick to my stomach maybe i can just sleep it off,1
i need someone to talk before doing something painful i have no trust friends and i dont know good and trust therapy in my fucked up country and i think about suicide for days now can anyone help by hearing me i am arabic person and i am intermediate in english,1
i hate myself people tell me i am talented i am gifted am a cool guy but i just cant bring myself to accept those kinds of compliments i feel like everything i do is bound to end in failure i am slipping up in pretty much everything i do at this point to where i start to ask myself why i do even bother continuing to do this ive considered suicide many times and attempted it a few times in the past,1
i got good news today but one little comment i just wanna die finally after months of living in a pop up camper and years without a job my mother has informed me that shes gotten us both exactly that a mutual friend was hanging with us as i was told i made a comment that my first pay check ever in my life i wanna spend it on whatever i want this mutual friend says thats rude and disrespectful to your mother i never ever have been able to spend my own money on anything because ive never had my own money i just wanted to buy something for myself i feel like a piece of shit i probably wont kill myself but my body aches like its begging me to end it all sincei ama burden that wants to waste money on myself i just thought it was self care,1
if i soldier on i ll just end up becoming one of those cases of my dad killed himself two years ago i am 21 and my life objectively isnt that bad i should have an ok career marry etc its always been a dream of mine to have a little girl of my own a nice dog the perfect family life the problem is that after that then what the dog dies the children grow up and leave and at that point i will finally decide to call it quits which begs the question ,1
i wont be around to watch the ball drop into 2018 i just feel like i have been through enough pain enough lies enough betrayal enough heartbreaks to finally just say fuck it i had an accident when i was little that caused me to wear prosthetics for life years going in and out of hospitals because of it limited to certain things i cant do i cant run i cant go in the water i havent been at the beach in years i cant do half if not three quarters of the things that i want to do my dream to join the army was crushed because of having a prosthetic every time i gave out my heart it was stabbed and abused had surgeries where i lost count on how many i had to get on my leg last one needed more skin so part of it was taken from my left side which one looks like a shark took a bite out of me my friends dont hang out with me anymore all of my exes left me after i gave everything to them i am just tired of it all,1
bye i wish i knew how to live i dont goodbye,1
past few months have been worse than the past few years discharged from the military in late may when i got my orders to get out it hit me harder than i thought it would i d leave later at night while everyone was asleep and buy my booze then might as well suppress my thoughts now that i have a job when i drive there have at least what i figure is the call of the void i could drive into oncoming traffic jump off of the bridge on the way stop at the gun range by work it sucks i just think i want someone to talk to because i dont want to kill myself but it hurts every day that i dont i ve never admitted to anyone about these feelings but hey first time for everything i guess,1
i want to commit suicide i have been depressed before but i just cant take it anymore i want to commit suicide i dont know what is available for me to get here i have tried slicing my wrists before and it failed i was thinking i could take some rat poison or something like that there is no place in my room to hang myself from i just want to kill myself my life is full of too much pain i wish i could get a gun or something what ways are there besides a gun or wrist slitting or hanging i am just looking for the most efffectivw way pleasw help thanks,1
disconnected from the world 22 years old no friends and a social anxiety so bad i cant hold a conversation even with my own family i resorted to drugs a few years ago but the repetitiveness and the awareness my life is going nowhere is hitting me hard cutting has made let me release some of that despair but i thinks its almost time i made this account just so i could be part of everyones pain i cant decide whether i am going to pop pills and cut deep or just go straight to the laced dope and fall into blackness ,1
everything about being trans sucks and i cant handle it at alli am trying really hard to pretend thati amokayi amresisting the urge to just end it right now my family and friends still havent recovered completely from my previous attempt ughthe truth is i know that suicide is not something that i can avoid i can put it off for a year or two but thats iti cant live like this with my body and my mind permanently disfigured i dont want to be a fake for the rest of my life hiding behind makeup and padded bras i dont want to see a guy in the mirror every single time i dont want to feel like a pervert every time i try to wear womens underwear i dont want to shave my fucking hairy chest and nipples every single day i am sick of having basically zero options when it comes to dating and making friends i have no money for the surgeries i need i have no money to change my documents its just all pointlessi just dont get it whats the point of coping with this shit when i can just end it,1
want to die because i am ugly blah blah blah,1
i am worthless i hate where my life has gone i am way too old to be struggling through college people make passive aggressive remarks about it yet i still cant seem to stop having trouble i spend money i dont have and cant seem to stop myself all i do anymore is sleep eat and play video games when i can be bothered to get out of bed i just want to die so bad i hate everything and no longer have any friends theyve all stopped hanging out with me and one even told me she doesnt want to talk to me again because i am depressing i just want to die,1
am trying to battle this on my own it is winning ,1
oh how i just want it to be over i ll sign off tonight and sadly wake up in the morning to another empty world due to my own stubbornness its hell when the reason youre miserable is yourself and you cant change it i hope everyone here can at least manage to get a few hours of sleep rest is so undervalued and maybe find a way to reduce the reasons for their suicidal feelings ,1
i got angry at a bus driver today for not running me over this afternoon at about 300pm uk time i amcurrently in bed still hating life and i just wanted to write here because no one else cares ,1
am not asking for someone to talk me out of it i just need help convincing my best friend its not her fault its her fault with that out of the way how do i convince her that its not i love her but she keeps breaking my heart when she knows every other area of my life has gone to the dogs it pushed me past my breaking point and tonight i swallowed pills i am going to send her one last text and i dont know what to tell her,1
today is the first day of school and i already want to kill myself i dont want to be a freak i dont want to be a freak why am i a freak,1
draining my days on artificial happiness i am at the point where my life is a routine work a low paid job come home lonely look at facebook youtube instagram feel that artificial happiness that i amhappy for these people but as soon as the tv is off or the laptop is closed or the app is closed i look around and think to myselfi ampretty fucking worthless the quiet room pulsates around my lonely self ,1
i m tired of pain once again i ve been dumped dumped because she felt she could be happier she was so happy with me but felt she could be happieri am so tired of feeling this pain every single time i do everything i can for someone and then i cant make them as happy as they should be i just want to die so badly its all i want i just want to leave this world and never have to deal with all of this i dont care if she still loves me i just cant handle this i want death to take me so badly i keep dreaming about pulling the trigger and just finally being free of eternal pain with a short burst of pain and then freedom the nothingness of death seems more appealing than dealing with constant pain from life i know she still loves me she just told it to me but she still decided to demote me to friend so why even bother if i am not meant to be happy,1
i am going to kill myself today my ex boyfriend hates me and i am still in love with him he hates me for not being able to cope up with hr breakup and asking him questions to get closure i cant take the hatred and pain anymore,1
anyone else just feel tired i just feel tired like i am done with lifei m not sad about anything in particular but it just feels like it has nothing left for me i hate this feeling,1
just another post just another human being who feels worthless i amjust your typical worthless loser with no job pan handles to feed an addiction living at home now mooching off of a sick parent who has spent more time in a hospital now than a doctor himself lately i am just counting down the minutes til i get the balls to kill myself,1
i already hate my life and see no future i know everyone says life gets better but i just dont see it getting better for me so why cant i just quit that way it can be like most other hard things ive done hahaha,1
suicide is my option i thought a lot about it and i had very suicidal phasesi amnow at the state again that i am sure suicide is an option for me by experience it will get worse in some days and after that i will be worse than ever before since i dont know how i can be worse and still survive i will be ending it this time it may sound rational but it is meant as i said it,1
i ve probably done nothing of note for anyone no matter how hard i try i dont tell people much about this as i dont want to be tossed into some institution i will end this with an apology i am sorry you guys had to read this nonsense i will probably be much more eloquent and make much more sense in the comments i am really sorry edit reading this over it really is a bunch of gobbledygook nobody has to reply if it doesnt make enough sense sorry for the mess,1
i am so depressed i just rage i dont know what to do anymore ive never hit anybody else out of anger but its just too much i am always turning it in on myself but its gotten to the point where i will just rage for no reason at all if i drop a can on the counter i just start punching myself in the knee or my head i just have all this anger and i cant get rid of it i used to chop wood punch a punching bag tear apart junk and just hit myself but it never goes awayi amsad and frustrated and just angry i dont want to be like this but i dont know a way to shut out this incessant self hatred at worki amquiet but in my head i just scream at everything and hate myself i think about killing myself just to shut it out at this point,1
my turn from time to time i ve responded to people here using different accounts it did no good but i never do i am the most stupid ugly worthless piece of shit the world has ever known everyone has left no one wants me around if i could just leave my ass i would too i take 100 responsibility for the life i made for myself and i am so fucking glad its over,1
contemplating suicide today well i dont know where to turn recently all i ve ever thought about was killing myself i contemplate it a lot and i just know one day its gonna happen and i feel like when i am gone its like i ve never even existed thats how meaningless i feel in this world,1
birthday blues i just turned twenty i am still living at home attending community college i am so incredibly terrified and tired of all the work,1
why i want to just end everything in no particular order i am short i am unattractive i have social anxiety i cant make friends i have never been in a relationship i have wasted my youth my grades could be better i have a few talents i have a few accomplishmentsi have very few friendsi have lost all interest in new things i have lost interest in getting a hobbyi have lost interest in my old hobbies i cant get a girlfriend to save my lifei am depressed all the time i have lost so much sleep i feel dead inside i cant feel emotions ,1
i am so close to killing myself i have been having suicide thoughts for a while now i feel like i am becoming person i hate i use to be so optimistic and patient lately i am starting to lash out and my throat hurts from sobbing uncontrollably i hate feeling this way i deserve to get knocked up early because i am useless i have no talents stupid and nothing really redeeming i have a 3 year old son and his communication is slow ,1
i ve taken a bit already i dont know if tonights the night to go through with it i feel okay right now the painkillers help with the emotional pain but i knowi amth morning i ll regret not going through with it i feel so excruciating guilty i need to go,1
dont want to face sexuality my sister is out now and i am so proud of her but ive been hiding this forever and i wanted to just keep on hiding it forever but i get all weird when i talk about her i dont want people to think i dont accept her because i do i just dont accept myself i dont want to i dont want to come to terms with it i honestly just want to die i would rather die than deal with this,1
i should get it over with already and kill myself i know they re right i am incapable of moving out and as long as i am living with them i am going to keep ruining their lives what right do i have to ruin the lives of everyone around me and be nothing but a burden every day i think its time to give up i think i need to go edit i just dont know the best way to go about everything i have friends i promised id reach out to first but i dont think i can tell them i think if i dont tell them they might never know i am gone that might be easier i dont know what to do i love them i dont know ,1
i ve been putting off all of my responsibilities for about a week now and its really fucking me its just hard to do anything when i spend most of my time hating myself i can sit for hours and just think about how much i want to end it all then i just fall asleep and start thinking about it again when i wake up i cant even remember most of what happened today i can just remember all of the reasons i came up with for why i should kill myself i dont want to live anymore if this is just going to be the rest of my life i am fucked,1
i am going to be me even tho i am an i willusion killing myself is not the answer even tho i look at old pictures feeling a disconnection i realized that that isnt actually me it was someone else who transformed slowly overtime to become me today i have some of that persons memories and during the transformation to current me i have been reinforcing the idea of a mei am not going to kill myself because there is no me to kill if you break it down everything is the same down to the atom level so i might as well be a tree or tv righti am really happy that i have made this realization as i have decided to revert myself back to my natural state within a minute or two of this post being posted i will be reverted back to what i was and always will be and still am just a concept except the concept of me will only be remembered by those closest to me for a few years maybe and then i will be forgotten,1
just another thing in my miserable life i just feel like dying right now a lot of things add up at the moment i am failing exams too lonely ,1
well it just seems correct i must say firstly i am destined to die anyway so does it really matter if i kill myself regardless i am utterly talentless and commonly disliked ,1
i wish i was brave enough to finally do it i have been abused all my life i just want it to be over it i just want to stop feeling paini have never met anyone that didnt eventually mistreat me at this pointi amconvinced theres no hope of me ever having a happy life i wish i had the guts to end my life but it seems i am far too coward and spineless to even do that no wonder everyone despises me,1
i cant do this anymore everyday is hard but this was bad this morning it started off with no text from him which i expect but it still hurts why did he bother getting a secret text app so his current gf doesnt see so that he barely talks to me just to keep me on edge he knowsi amhurting he knows about all the physicalemotions shit ive gone through this year four breakups but doesnt seem to care yet i crave his attention texting him asking if theres still a chance is so hard not to dothen my cramps started fuck they hurt then of course my spasms start i have stiff person syndrome and isaacs syndrome and it causes 247 muscle spasms in my case in my feet legs hands and throat to where it feels likei amchoking then i get nausea from all the fucking pillsi amtaking then i get into a stupid fight with a redditor and i feel like crap about it i succumb to taking sleeping pills to try and get some relief i dream about him i wake up to cramps and spasms i just want to see a text from him cant stop crying tomorrow will be on repeat except fighting i have nobody to talk to except my cat i want to buy a gun i cant do this anymore,1
i want to hang myself cant do this anymore,1
i fucked up i said something wrong now all my friends have abandoned me people constantly hate me and its driving me insane i just wanna go back in time and fix it now i have nothing left everyone important in my life has disowned me i just wanna die,1
not yet suicidal but getting there i feel tired this is my last chance at school if i fcked this up even my first year i m done for mentally and physically going to school keeps making me think about mistakes i made in the past and i feel angry with myself all the time please talk to me enlighten me guide me i really feel a big burden of the past mistakes and the upcoming challenges ,1
i keep imagining killing myself i am a struggling student at risk of being retained this year i keep worrying about failing the exams and i even considered killing myself should i fail i kinda walked back on the latter thinking i ll get a job as a cook or something still thoughts of me slitting my neck jumping to my death overdosing on pills they stay and theyre inferring with my mind,1
i just need someone to talk to here i am if you want to talk ,1
i feel like i am a candle its easy to keep the fire alight when youre stopped and protected against the wind but when youre try to move the difficult turn hellish and when you go outside the lightest breeze can kill your fire but even with all the protection you need a candle still ends and i feel that i am almost done ,1
i found how i am going to kill myself if i do its become a thing where i know i m going to do it no and i think about it very casuallyi amgetting less and less scared to do it and thats whats scaring me i know the feeling and it scares me too,1
downside to committing suicide now i have to find foster homes for my pets because my family likes to physically abuse animals and i actually care for my pets,1
next i am gonna move my next suicide attempt to tonight,1
tonight i held a loaded gun to my head and my heart just to see what it felt like i felt nothing nothing that made me pull the trigger and nothing that made me scared i was completely numb i just stared at it as someone who has fired multiple different types of firearms nothing is what everyone feels when holding a firearm there is no excitement no fear just nothing it is common,1
today i am either debating on going back to the hospital for the fifth or sixth time or just jumping in front of a train,1
i just want everyone around me to die so i can as well maybe i should just be selfish and kill myself first if they dont want to live with the pain of my death i dont understand why anyone would care but i guess they do anyway they can do the same why should i be the one who puts in all the effort to fit in when i dont even want to be here,1
emotionless i dont feel any emotion right now i can tell i need to cry but i ve been physically unable to for hours i feel likei amgonna snap somehow,1
not sure when but i feel its close i am hanging out with a friend tonight but right now work sucks coworkers suck life sucks i just dont feel as though i am living life the way i am meant to,1
ever want to kill yourself because you cant be friends with someone,1
there is no hope left even if i win the lottery even if i get a life i have always wished for even if i would get a girlfriend a family a happy life i will never be truly happy i just want to die i just want death nothing else just death i cant imagine a life where i could be happy it feels so alien,1
i decided to commit suicide i chose the date to be my birthday i am gonna make it seem like i fell from a six story building but i dont think thats gonna kill me is it i am not gonna leave any note ,1
suicide is my choice ,1
its 2am how long would it take them to find me sad seems like such a ridiculous word to describe us you can be sad you finished the last of the pringles but this this is physically suffocating wanting to be dead wanting to stop doing anything ever again is something else ive walked i dont know how far in this town wishing more than anything i ve ever wished for that some thug or junkie would come out from the shadows and end this pathetic life ive been sitting on the side of the road crying for an hour i ve cried so hard that something hurts in my abdomen its a pain ive never felt before i hope i ruptured something i hope that some disgusting fluid is making its way into parts of my body that cant handle it and poisons it i am making sounds crying that ive never heard and it hurts i just want to be done here i dont want to be sad anymore i dont want to be anything anymore,1
i m a shit person i ve thought about suicide multiple times throughout at least the past 24 months if not more because i feel like all i do is hurt people i feel like all i do is make them angry and it hurts me i rarely ever tell my parents about it because i feel like not only will they not understand but i m scared that they ll force me to come back to their place or something despite me not being under their legal guardianship i ve tried telling a friend about how i feel i don t deserve to live ,1
going to kill myself at school ,1
i am worried i m becoming suicidal i ve read and try to tell myself positive things i always counter it with something more negative thoughim getting scared that if i keep my mindset like this its going to continue getting worse and i am going to actually kill myself one day i dont know who to talk to though i feel pretty lonely contrary to my situation and i feel like perhaps i am pretending to be suicidal for attention maybe i am a shit person like that better to just keep it bottled up than to hurt someone,1
i dont know what to do about my friend so my friend and i have been best friends since the first year of middle school since then weve gotten really close and spent a lot of time together but he has never really opened up to me about anything personal one way or the other i found out recently that he had been cutting and having suicidal thoughts for a while now which he let slip over the course of a few conversations but always refused to talk about it further ,1
i want to tell her that i wont do it but i want to end it all so badly i want to message her and thank her for everything for being okay with the school asking her to be my buddy and sending me homework asking me if i am okay even though i could never respond truthfully because i didnt want to worry her but it hurts too much its so hard holding it in at times i just want to end it all i will never amount to anything and all i can do is hurt people no wonder all my friends left me i am selfish short tempered,1
 i was going to kill myself it was so strange i sat on the ground next to the tree and listened to some music for a while since then my depression and suicidal thoughts are getting far far worse now to keep myself looking forward to something anything at this point i keep buying things off amazon i know it sounds stupid but it seems to work for now anyway i cant get to a doctor and i am not on any medications my situation leaves me pretty isolated except to go to college and come home i am not looking for advice or anything i just wanted to tell someone i dont really have any friends so i guess this is the next best thing ,1
i dont think i can do the life thing anymore i never thought i d be writing a post here i always thought i was strong i always thought it wouldn t get to this but everything s changed i guess my anxiety is so bad i don t think i want to live with it anyone anything that i could possibly worry about i worry about my anxiety is so bad it always gives me phantom pains and i convince myself i m having a heart attack or a stroke or some shit i don t wanna feel anymore i just wanna be gone i wanna be free from this pain i am crippled i am drowning,1
i just feel that i am not worthy of life i am tired i dont sleep i wanna help people but i cant help myself i really think about going back to alcohol or something like that to stop me thinking about it or maybe i am really newbie about happiness that i dont know how to feel about it thank you for reading this i just felt that i have to put it out of my system ,1
i didnt mean to come here i dont know where else to go i am going to kill myself i just really want to stop existing for a long time not feel anything not matter like being dead without being dead,1
i know my worth but whats the point of no one else sees it i am a really smart person i know at least a little bit about everything i dont know i ve always wanted to go to utah for some reason and watch my favourite show one last time all the way thought then put a gun in my mouth maybe watch it over 2 or 3 days in a hotel and then do it just to feel emotions one last time nothing makes me happy anymore i kicked drugs but i ve been abusing alcohol for months now do you know what it feels like to feel like you could accomplish anything but no one would acknowledge it do you know what its like to dream of something since you were a kid only to realise life passed you by because of your mental i willness,1
last try at some point you have to call it quits if this doesnt work out i am done cant do it anymore been working hard for like two and a half years and things havent gotten better the pain and dissapointment is still here and i dont want to deal with it anymore last chance ,1
i dont want to feel anything anymore in the past week everything i loved has gone to hell my grandmother is sick and dying i am on the brink of being kicked out of my house i lost my job and most recently my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me because she says everything between us is too monotonous ive felt so many emotions too many at one time i just want it all to stop i dont want to go through my life feeling like an unappreciated dirtbag i cant go on with everything swirling through my head i just cant ,1
its not that i want to die more like i just dont want to be alive anymore not a day goes by where i just wish i was dead so yeah pretty down not seeing a lot of reason to end it no light at the end of this tunnel its not that i want to die its just that every second i live is pure torture i have to end the pain somehow i can only think of one way,1
i literally cannot imagine a future any one at all fantasy or otherwise where i am happy i m not motivated to keep going i cant justify it any more i am miserable and this ought to be as good as it gets i have everything and i have nothing i feel nothing i am nothing,1
i am a doctor from singapore i can see my lifeless corpse hanging in the public toilet i have been thinking of this for a while fighting many times staring at the stories of others who are on this forum i can see that my end is near and made plans for it i am going to tell my story so that people around will not say that i went so suddenly without a word ,1
i dont want to live anymore the only thing keeping me alone is the thought of disappointing friends and family i ve had a pretty decent life all in all parents that werent abusive or anything i got to live in a nice place most of my life and my family has paid for many things for me but i dont want to be around anymore why cant a car just hit me then i wouldnt be responsible for being such a fucking failure what can i do,1
i d be just another gun control statistic i had the gun loaded and against my head i kept repeating every negative thought about my life my failures worthlessness and how people would be better without me i was in a lot of emotional pain and ready to go through with it it wasn t the thought about there s so much to live for or you can get through this or even thinking about loved ones that stopped me if was the fact that once my body was found there would probably be a news story about another death by gun ,1
i am sad and tired i cant talk to someone and it ends up that they have a girlfriend and they also like the same things that i like i wish i could be friends with them they like mob psycho 100 like i do i want to vent about something but i am too tired to its hard to explain my family issues too i wanna complain about something i am too tired to though it happened yesterdayalso the people that support me end up going away every time ,1
concerned about a classmate before an exam yesterday i kept hearing this girl that sits down the row from me telling her friends multiple times very loudly she would slit her throat with her exam afterward started describing the bloody mess that would occur i believe she was probably joking because of her laughter but would it be appropriate to ask her if shes ok and give her a list of emergency and other resources she can contact and what should i do if she says she was just joking,1
i hate myself so much i feel guilty for existing and its eating away at me and i cant take it anymore even just talking to people makes me feel guilty because why should i expect anyone to want to talk to me i wouldnt want to talk to myself i am such a worthless disgusting piece of shit i have nothing to contribute why should i expect anyone to waste any of their energy on could as well kill myself,1
i tried calling the hotline they made me feel worse posting this before i head to bed figured someone should know before anything happens i dont feel suicidal anymore at the moment to cut things short because i am tired my mom came and yelled at me again which made me feel even worse about myself another reason to add to the list of why i suck as a person,1
if i wake up tomorrow i am going to be very very disappointed i am a student currently failing despite my best efforts stayed home today for the first time because i couldnt muster the will to get out of bed i feel so queasy and sick suicidal dying it hurts so goddamn bad i want to die i hate myself every part of myself i am not worth any of this not any of what i do or could have i hate myself i am crying i havent cried in years i hate myself i m a failure in everything that counts and i am not worth loving it hurts it hurts i just want to die,1
for what you ve done and what you haven t you will pay the price and i will too for my weakness and so will the gods whom you re so devoted i m in pain and it will end soon for i will be with her sleeping homely in her arms farewell ,1
i feel like i am waiting around to die i went to the hospital friday and honestly i feel so much worse i am kind of a problem drinker and i was feeling stressed i dont have contacts to pick me up i am more scared and alone than i ve ever been in my entire life my condition is unfair to my friends and they re absolutely sick of me i m more suicidal than i ve ever been and i feel like i am just waiting to die i dont even want to die i want help but it isnt out there i think life isnt meant for me,1
it took me 10 minutes to get back here 10 minutes ago i was okay for a week it was because of my brothers wedding and in only 10 minutes i got fucking suicidal again dropped so deep again i am not planning to do it tonight but this could change in the next 10 minutes and i could be on my way in only 20 minutes the biggest problem is that there is no wedding or other event in sight so i wont come out of this soon and i was never as deep as i was before the wedding and i am really close to this again to be honest i m pretty sure i will end up doing it this week maybe today,1
25m havent talked to anyone in almost a year lost girlfriend lost religious beliefs dropped out of college 2 years ago i think last years have been a loop jobless penniless 150 in my name i cant trick myself into enduring misery any longer nor would it be an act of love ending this would sort of be the biggest show of love i could do to myself actually fuck i even feel ashamed for having written a post on suicide watch when i am feeling suicidal i cant even do a suicide watch thread properly ,1
a suicide attempt feels inevitable i just started a new job and its really stressful its alot to learn and i dont know if i can do it i am only doing it cause my roomates want me to take this job and its the only one available i ve also been informed that they dont really care for me i am just trapped here i keep thinking i am going to have to kill myself there is no other choice i have no where else to go and the only people around me have made it clear they dont care that i am struggling they call me crazy this would be my second attempt i dont want to but there is nothing else for me to do,1
there are so many fucked people out there and i dont want to be one of them i am alone with all this and i cant tell anyone about it it sucks it sucks living with this inside me knowing that no one in the world can help mei could tell my therapist but what could she ever do for me nothing it sucks but if its true its really scary since there is no cure or anything its just the way i am and its terrible ,1
i decide to live for maybe one more year i realize life is precious and that even though nobody care about me and only call me autism and fucking stupid little fuck that i should still live no marrer wat problems i have even if they make me want to go mad and cause a cataclyms,1
method used in chris cornell and chester benningtons suicides i know this is kind of morbid but given that crime scene photos have leaked and that both were exceptionally interesting and beautiful human beings has anyone explained exactly how chester and or chris committed their acts of suicide i know both of them hung themselves with simple household items in chris case he used workout resistance bands in chesters case he used a belt in both cases it seems as though there was no significant drop and they therefore died via strangulation cutting off blood or choking cutting off air not via neck injury i ve always been under the impression that it was fairly difficult to make a reliable noose using these types of items in part bc of the high suicide failure rate particular among women and in part bc i ve never researched or thought about it too deeply however the fact that both chris and chester succeeded makes me think that creating a reliable device is easier than i realized and that many failed suicide attempts are not actual suicide attempts but rather deliberate failures as a cry for help i totally sympathize with both those who actually commit suicide and those who attempt suicide as a cry for help i ve desired the courage to carry out both types of acts in the past and can see how one may do such a thing ,1
one of my closest friends is planning to kill himself by the end of this week his father is an abusive alcoholic and he gets bullied at school i am the only one who knows this were both 15 hes almost killed himself twice before both times i ve talked him out of it but this time it seems he has his heart set on it and i dont know what to do,1
i think i need help in my current situation i have no friends i am shy and have anxiety i am too scared to talk to anyone in real life including therapist and i planned out my entire suicide,1
i have accepted that i will kill myself i think i am now approaching that point i came to this belief last week i was at my therapist and i said it out loud i told him that i likely would not do it soon but that my long term mental health suggested that would be the way i d go that seems like a shitty thing to do to someone who is trying to help we agreed to break our arrangement he said he would follow up with references to a psychiatrist and a life coach having had plenty of experience with i willegal drugs and limited experience with prescription drugs i doubted that a scrip would help all the same he could forward me the reference i see no reason to keep going i dont know what to do or what will help i want an answer to fall out of the sky i hope that it does for all of you,1
i am going for a walk and i want to be hit by a car or mugged so i can die and make it look like an accident that way my family wont feel ashamed that their only son committed suicide it will be considered a tragedy realistically i am going to probably going to have to walk across a red light on a certain street that i know always has trucks going across it i guess you can consider this my last note goodbye,1
i feel numbi amshiti cant kill myself on the next friday the 13th in april because a family members birthday is too close to that date and that person means too much to hurt them like that i have this october or almost a year to decide if i want this life anymore the thing is ive given my life so many chances and ive tried to change my life and its still awful i am still alone and yeah i have a few people that give a fuck about me but i ll never get married or have friends that relate to me,1
mind is racing a mile a minute and every train of thought end with suicide my boyfriend and i got into a ridiculous argument and it blew way out of proportion he says its over between us and i cant deal with the loss my thoughts are going wild and i cant stop imagining suicide as this wonderful problem solver although i am too afraid to try it again i so tempted to cut myself i am battling it out in my mind trying to convince myself that its not a good idea but i want to do it so badly any tips to stop or redirect these thoughts i have to be up for work in about 4 12 hours and i really want at least some sleep tonight,1
i am slowly progressing towards it i am gonna do it my mind seems foggy i tried cutting my wrists but it wasnt working i need to die i have no one in my life to help me i tried suicide 4 other times in my life i have nothing to live for i am a loser at 30 who cant even get a job,1
feeling like everyone would be happier without me few days make when was going through depression and i figured i d be a hypocrite if i didnt follow my own advice if you read through all of this i sincerely thank you all of you that volunteer your time to read and reply here and good people,1
i feel nothing i wouldnt say my intentions are not to kill myself no that is not the case at all i feel the emptiness and yes my mind ponders to the very darkest corners of my thoughts i dont know exactly what is setting it off 4 weeks ago i left my long term relationship and did not feel heart broken in fact i felt nothing i slept with an ex best friend felt nothing slept with my friends brother felt nothing stopped going to my university classes and guess what i am not stressed or anything i just feel like i float i feel like i lost myself and i have been hurt for so long and so badly hurt that i just dont feel it anymore i ended up self harming something 14 year old me would do not 19 year old me i just dont have anyone to tell this to or get the help that i need because i dont know where to go really,1
help me please i ve got awful anxiety it stops me from doing so much and i cant even think of the future because if it i ve been depressed and suicidal in the past and i thought it was over me but now its returned my anxiety is so bad i cant see a way to live i cant even cook a fucking egg its that bad i ve been battling with suicidal thoughts this past month but i love my family too much to carry it out but now its 1 in the morning i looked at all of my pills and i just googled how long it takes to die from an overdose i am so afraid and fed up i just i cant deal with all this anymore please any advice is greatly appreciated ,1
months before procedure that will make life more bearable doctors are fucking me over my medications are being changed to fulfill a blanket one size fits all policy and i am fucking miserable every day is just crawling by i cant live like this but theres nothing i can do if i challenge them they ll just deny me access to the procedure i need if i switch doctors there goes my authorization i am fucked and they know it its cheaper for them if i just die,1
not sure how to do this my wife and i split i became very suicidal a month later ,1
i am afraid i feel like killing myselfi amterrified of death though and the pain but i would do anything to escape this feeling i get like its already overi am tired i think all i need is one more thing one more push to send me over the edge to make the fear of death less frightening than living with myself for one more second ive been trying as best i can to get better with therapy and medication but nothing is helping it feels hopeless i feel worthless i feel too much and too little i dont know if i am making any sense,1
paranoia over past events making me suicidal i ve been recently feeling extremely paranoid over some past events whose details i ve shared with a few people in my life and i am afraid of those details leaking to the wrong people and it ruining my relationships that s about as specific as i can get with regards to the paranoia needless to say it s causing me to feel suicidal i feel as if is inevitable that the details of my past mistakes will be relayed to the wrong people and ruin my life the what if s are consuming me and my brain is playing tricks on me making me think that the worst case scenario is about to take placei cannot find a moment s peace and my partner doesn t want to deal with it i have no idea who to turn to or what to do as a point of reference i am located in the state of texas,1
i m scared i ve written my letters put them in envelopes for the people i think i cared for i think i am ready i keep telling myself i am okay with this i am ready but i ve been staring at this noose for hours now i ve felt its grip on my neck i am scared i am so scared but i cant keep fighting anymore i dont have any fight in me i cant get up anymore and i am scared,1
dealing with mdd for 17yrs wife cheated i see no way to recover and want to end it so this may be a bit lengthy apologies i m a 34 year old male growing up i was abused by my family emotionally physically and sexually i have been dealing with diagnosed with major depressive disorder mdd and generalized anxiety disorder both which are largely unresponsive to treatment since i was about 13 or 14 years old it manifests in devastating physical shut downs where i go catatonic for hours and cant even speak or days where i lay in bed shaking with anxiety i have a 153 iq i have never written a note to my family tonight i wrote a note to my family i am so scared i am so miserable and i am in so much pain and i am so so lonely i have literally suffered torture these last 9 months i am done,1
i cant take it anymore this is what i was meant to do at least no one will remember me anyway backstory if anyone cares i was sexually assaulted a year ago i live with an abusive family and these things contribute to me wanting to die okay now on to the part where i bitch about wanting to die for the billionth time i have no future i have no one who cares about me i have nothing good to contribute to the world and i am stupid i just make everyone feel worse i try too hard to be funny even though i knowi am not i constantly attention whore and make it harder for other people to do whatever they want to do i humblebrag and i am an asshole et cetera existence is pain if it matters i just started sertraline for my dysmorphia and its given me the energy to try to hang myself it obviously didnt work but hey at least i tied the belt around my neck this time honestly i am not sure why i am bothering to post here i am fairly sure i will try again in a few hours thank you all for taking the time to read ,1
feel like my life is pointless recently i ve been feeling like i am useless for many reasons i am a very shy person my life goes down hill each and everyday things becoming more worse for me then ever people look down at me as if i am they are many other reasons wh i am feeling down i know some of you will probably laugh at me ampath etic but this is how i feel but i amscared of dying the only people who seem to care about me is probably my family,1
i give up title ive been through a sexually abusive past lived through an alchoholic mother who was never there for me and currently live with a dad who is nothing but extremely negative i cant be intimate with anybody ive got nobody life feels like an endless swirl of guilt and helplessness even my therapist has given up on me ive ran out of distractions ive played a video game enough to be on the best team in na yet its meaningless played music enough to last weeks but its lost meaning called a hotline only to have police at my door step waiting to take me to a hospital going to college to earn a degree that i dont know whati amwasting my life away and i amonly 20 ive been wrestling with that questioni amsure everyone else has why do i wake up in the morning and not kill myself i dont want to say it but how is suicide not the answer,1
i have no idea the only reason i havent killed myself is because i dont want to make others sad i am not happy but i am not sad either i take other peoples idea of their own happiness and make it mine i feed off of other peoples idea of life because i dont have my own any relationship ive ever been in was only to give the other person what they wanted mei am so ready to give up because i truely honestly have no idea what i want out of life or what i want for my self i have no goals or ambitions or dreams of how i want my life to be i just do what others expect out of a person and that is simply to not give up on life ,1
unprepared for this peace to expire i ve thought about suicide and cried a lot todayi must have written and then deleted several pages of text by now so how about if anybody really wants to donate their time and energy to listening to me then ask me what you want to know and we can take it from there currently i have a reasonable comfortable existence for many many reasons my current living situation cannot last its with my parents i dont know of anybody else that would be willing to have me live with them when this uneasy compromise out of necessity ends knowing myself i think its likely that i will end up killing myself right now i dont want to kill myself if i did i wouldnt run the risk of spoiling my chances by telling somebody and i wouldnt use a method that has a chance of being interrupted or failing thats why its important that i talk about this now because i dont when i make plans,1
my parents are so strict all they want me to do is study and it makes me want to die have you talked to them about this you can bring it to their attention that this is a highly inefficient parenting method for trying to get you to make good grades,1
i just dont know what to do anymore have you ever felt you just have no other way out i do i just feel i have nothing left to live for and i know my mum would be so disappoint of who i have become i dont even know why i am writing on this maybe just to actually get the truth off my chest,1
a friend of mine wanted to kill himself at a party last saturday at a party i myself had struggle with suicide in the past but i found inspiration in the unexpected i never talked someone out of suicide and i hope i didnt make things worse i just wanted to share this to kinda take it out of my system and try to understand this whole situation from different perspectives,1
probably wont ever kill myself i think about it as an option every now and then but theni amlike well from an honest utilitarian perspective theres better options than the finality of death my death would hurt some people pretty much regardless of any other circumstances so i can live with my unhappiness maybe i can dedicate my life to helping others nah too much work well if my life is going nowhere i could join the military but i keep hearing that its really boring after training work that they dont need a human to do maybe i will just do what i like hah like i have that much dedication just live and work to pay for my survival while distancing myself from others to avoid hurting them i am too much of a pussy for that well shit,1
looking for an easy out i have no reason to be depressed and while i have never been clinically diagnosed i have bouts where getting out of bed is the hardest task i ve faced my life from the outside makes some jealous single good job nice car etc but i am worn i am a caretaker of someone close to me and i am the go to person for many friends i am a good listener and i believe i have set the precedent that i can listen but dont need to be listened to now for fear of the effects on my job and personal endeavors if i admit my suicidal desires it would cause additional stress that would be counter productive i dont want to commit suicide out of desperation or even dark depression i want to just because its easy logically i understand why i shouldnt but selfishly and truly selfishly i want to ,1
anyone else just want to die i do so i am going to goodbye oh who am i kidding no one cares what i do they will just shrug it off edit i am sorry if i scared some people i dont actually want to die its just that sometimes i feel like it,1
i just cant imagine a future where i am alive it feels so pointless it feels likei ama patient whos been told they have a few months left to live i know my end result and i know nothing can change it i m so tired,1
feeling just helpless wanting to admit myself so i went through a very bad year of depression about 15 years ago and its suddenly back i always feel lost and hopeless and like my life is changing for the worse when it never is i want a break from everything and atm the only way i can see that happening is if i kill myself i am back into self harm after that 15 clean streak i dont know what to do at least its not as frequent or bad as it used to be i want to admit myself to a psych ward but that requires my dad knowing and i am not legitimately mentally i will enough to go i am probably just attention seeking so thats not an option i dont know what to do even having fun with friends and having amazing days doesnt fix it anymore i want to die i want to self harm i cant do the first because family is over for the next few weeksi have a lot of supportive friends but i feel attention seeking when i ask for help as much as they tell me i am not i feel like i am losing them all although i am not our bonds strengthen everyday i dont see a way out of this life theres no valid stress in my life rn and i still want to fucking die i dont know what to do i am sorry for rambling maybe venting just helps ,1
afraid of both living and dying i cant help to think that as i get more and more lonely there will be a day where i cant take it anymore and i do kill myself i m at work and should be working but i am typing here instead because i feel so bad and have no one to talk to and dont know what to do i want to cry but tears dont come out i wish i had friend someone i could talk to in person get a hug but i just dont know how to keep on going ,1
its just really overwhelming i dont know what to do anymore the voice telling me things will get better is quieter with each passing day a little here i sit in a dead car waiting for someone to come along rob and murder me or the sun to rise and it be the appropriate time to call again and see if they re in the mood to help idk maybe its all meaningless and i really am asking for too much,1
i did it i hope just saying bye i just took 10 xanex and am going for my last drive hope it works,1
need help for my new friend i want to kill myself and everyone thinks i am joking this is when i knew i had to say something to her i amjust really not good at comforting people i just don t know what to say i know how she feels asi amdepressed myself currently but i just don t know how to make her feel better despite just meeting her i care and wouldn t want anything to happen to her please help,1
i dont wish to live anymore i hate the way i look i hate everything about my life my mom is verbally abusive and holds me back doing a lot of things that are considered minor things to others such as letting me get a haircut yes i am depressed i need help due to my back issuesi am not able to do a lot i had to quit swimming because it hurt too much and it just didnt feel worth it anymore i used to self harm but i somehow managed to quit because my mom would have found out i still wish to harm myself i want to just slit my wrists or take pills and never wake up again,1
i just odd on benadryl ibuprofen and some other low grade painkiller i feel like shit and i am trying to type all this before i pas sout cuse i feel likei am going to i felt like hsit for so long and no w i gave up and all my friends are fucking fake and theyre not my friends they lied to me mother fucker i hate my family and i just ddnt know waht to do ,1
by the end of the week if i havent booked a new customer or gotten a call back for the job i ve applied for i am ending it,1
i dont really see any other option other than to rid everyone from myself or man up and tell everyone the truth and eat that shit sandwich i had made for myself,1
are thoughts enough to seek help some days are better than others when it comes to how serious these thoughts are and i often go quite some time without anyi blew my chance to get free psychiatric help through work since i just quit my job that most of my thoughts were stemming from i also never felt like my thoughts were serious enough to get help,1
i wanted to kill myself after arguing i feel so lonely i am scared because i dont know how i will react or what i will do from hour to hour suicidal thoughts come and go i just feel incredibly lost,1
i just wanna say it i guess i am miserable i cant get out of bed most days everyone hates me i constantly get misgendered and i know i deserve it i look like a boy i know i do i never will look like a girl theres 0 chance i can even get hormones until november i am just a fucking piece of shit whose ultimate endgame is suicide whatever the world is better off without this mentally i will cunt in it anyways,1
my psychologist prescribed me an antidepressant fluoxetine 20mg has anyone ever tried it what were the effects on you any warnings about the side effects any weight gain the possibility of gaining weight scares me a lot i was on that the first time i used it was in 2016 and i foolishly came off them because i felt like i was getting betterthe second time i went on them was two months ago i went through a really bad breakup just after i started taking them and i was in a total state i honestly feel like they made me worse because i was really prone to wanting to kill myself i tried to overdose three times and i cut myself too i ve stopped taking them a month or so ago and i still wanna kill myself but that has nothing to do with the pills its because my ex is ignoring me after contacting me i think the pills made me behave more erratically i could be wrong but i dont think they helped me take them and if you feel any worse tell your doctor you wanna come off them,1
having a hard times a couple of hours ago my husband punched me again in my face till the blood yesterday i dont feel like smb is actually care probably nobody have too its a dark side of my life i have to deal with myself but smt you just wanna tell things you struggling through to smb else and to know you not alone,1
thought things were getting better i was wrong i was so close to killing myself last year i had a plan and everything but then i told myself just keep it going a while longer see how it goes so for the next few months i tried so so hard to put myself out there it was absolutely exhausting but i thought people were actually beginning to value me and enjoy my company i even started getting close with a girl i really liked the last few weeks have shown me how much of a fucking idiot i was to believe any of it nothings changed its all been in my head this whole time yesterday gave me conclusive proof that no one gives two shits about whether i am around or not god i feel like such a dumbass for letting myself get my hopes up i cant do this again i just dont have the energy ,1
i m tired i m just tired i m done i get up spend seven hours in school where i hate both everyone around me and myself come home and sleep maybe half the time i ll wake up to get food and then i go back to sleep life just isn t worth the energy i used to put into it not when i get fucked over anyways ,1
here i am again for some stupid reason i am still alive i am about to flunk out of grad school but i guess sometimes part of me is still holding out hope that that wont happen even worse the most likely outcome is that i wont fail out but i will be here a really long time as a pain in the ass mediocre student that the professors cant wait to get rid of i dont know why i dont just end it all now its all i can think about but i dont have the courage,1
talked to a suicide hotline today literally useless yea they made me feel worse when i talked to 1 too,1
a gun is surprisingly not that hard to get,1
this could be the end screw myself i am so fake cannot take this anymore i dont feel connected to the world or to anybody i feel like a distant observer not being able to interact genuinely whats the point of continuing and pushing thru when in the end i gotta suffer for the rest of my lifei amjust peering out my eye sockets not even knowing myself which is the worst am i going crazy or is this just another emotional phase all i know is this cant keep going on or i will pull someone down with me which in this time is my family i cant seem to let anybody into my life be close to a person even having a friend i dont know if the past made me this way having being sexually abused as a kid months back when i got better i thought i could change my mentality but in reality its just a character i want people to see me its fake i admire people who are just themselves they seem to have a soul and a life but i am just a empty shell useless scared and alone ,1
getting ducks in a row i feel like i ve run out of gas i ve been putting so very much energy into fighting my depression and ideations while trying so hard to help myself through transitioning months ago i had a week long vacation with my best friend planned we were going to gencon for the first time ever that very first day i had of of work i attempted to kill myself and feel i came close i was found by another suicidal friend and she with my best friend nursed me back i didnt want to survive and have been wrestling with that since i ve been crying and stuck on the couch since yesterday ive now cancelled plans this week and therapy appointments today i documented my assets and where i am intending them to go i ordered the second part of my suicide plan online and it arrives any day its been tough not being rash while i wait for the package and falling back to another method but i didnt follow my plan the first time suicidal friend had wanted previously to make a suicide pact with me but she doesnt know how bad off i am yet peace and i can only hope that those i hurt so much can themselves move on,1
i am still alive or why i cant die yet there are two reasons why i havent killed myself the first is that i dont want my mom to outlive me shes been through so much and worked so hard to be happy that i absolutely cant kill myself while shes alive i couldnt do that to her so thats reason 1 reason 2 is ridiculous i feel like i cant kill myself until ive done something worthwhile until ive succeeded at accomplishing something notable publishing a bestseller making a million in the stock market whatever something that justifies the fact that for a brief moment i was alive only when ive found that peace will i be able to die i absolutely refuse to kill myself now and die a failure id be fine killing myself if i were successful and theres that tiny sliver of hope an irrational hope trying to keep me alive by refusing to let me succeed does this make any sense good night,1
why cant i just turn life off everyday when i am trying to sleep i hope to not wake up it would be perfect i just cant understand so many things that it drives me crazy i just want to turn me off in a way that will not hurt my parents but even this is hard for me ,1
sometimes i want to end my life because of codependent relationship with nmom working on improving myself to get better job so i can move out ,1
why what s the point i genuinely don t understand why i m still here i don t see a point to living we all die eventually and nothing in this world matters why live a life when you re sad all the time and there s no end gamei feel like i m getting more and more disconnected from reality by the day and there s nothing that can be done to change how i feel i want to go ahead and get life over with it doesn t make any sense anyway,1
what is happening to me i am going mad i am not quite sure how long i ve been feeling this way but i can tell you that it feels like its been forever i cant remember the last time i was genuinely happy lately i ve been feeling extremely lifeless and hopeless time is flying by and i feel numb to that i am just going through the motions of life i have quite a bleak outlook on my life and i often think nothing will get better and theres nothing i can do about my situation i ve lost interest in things that used to bring me joy i cant seem to get myself out of bed in the mornings i often feel like theres a huge build up of anger and anxiety in me so ive found a toxic coping mechanism that coping mechanism is cutting and burning my own skin i am aware that its toxic and extremely bad but it helps make me feel so much better,1
its inevitable i wish it wasnt today is really hard every day is hard i dont know how much longer i can make my way through life i wont kill myself but it feels fixed and i dont think theres any way for me to recover and soi am in limbo,1
here not looking for help with preventing my death but help with making it happen please dont try to give me the dont do it stuff i think what you guys do is great but in my situation id rather you help me do the opposite i need help with mentally preparing myself and whatnoti just need that blueprint or whatever if you cant post it here then messaging me would work too thank you,1
tonight is the night i do it goodbye i hope you ve made the best decision for yourself,1
i just want to talk i am a teen a teen girl i get mood swings whatever two days isnt going to fix me but the pain i feel right now is unbearable i felt better after reading the comments on my last post people actually cared i just want someone to know i still feel suicidal i dont know this seems selfish of me i am just upset with myself i want my family to know how i feel that will only really in my own death lately ive been taking hour long bike rides around my town to get my brain going to focus on things i dont usually focus on in the back of my mind i am still thinking i know i am terrible two days isnt going to fix me school is still terrible my teachers can be too they make me feel bad why am i like this its been two days but it feels like two yearsi am tired all the time and i m stressed all the time even if i m doing nothing even if i have to run errand why do i always need help why cant i be independent like other people my whole life i always depend on people i want to make my own decisions but at the same time i want someone to help me i want to kill myself yet i want to walk into the hospital and tell them whats wrong they wouldnt do anything but at least professions would knowi ama bomb one day i will explode each day i take a step closer to the edge i dont want to but life is just too hard just please help me i want help i want to feel better i want someone to rescue me and thats selfish of me i am sorry,1
just wasted 10000 my professor was going to drop me from class if i didnt show up today i am sick though professor i can literally be off the toilet for no more than 15 minutes at a time or i will shit myself i am still gonna get dropped though i am waiting for health services to try and help me out why would i go to class and get others sick this is a golden rule in the industry if youre sick do not expose others to the i willness anyway was probably just dropped from the class so theres 10000 and a semester wasted i can feel the sweet embrace coming to comfort me in this trying time death has got my back,1
i am too stupid to learn or improve really just want to die i work 14 16 hours a day on my classes and nothing ever makes fucking sense no matter what i fucking do i am in a fucking light courseload and i spend every second of every fucking day trying to do work and make no progress i have no friends i ve never been in a relationship and never will i am in horrible shape and overweight despite this and studying constantly i am failing all my classes with low fs and every day i fall further behind because my stupid awful brain never gets anything i really just want to fucking kill myself and probably will once these grades get closer to sticking my life is headed nowhere and never will be and i am better served in a ditch than stretching out the inevitable,1
only happy when asleep i posted a lengthy post in this forum so i wont get into it again i cant survive another new years day thats my most depressing day next to halloween both because i know everyone and my so called friends will be out with friends celebrating and everyone else in the us screwing around having fun while i take medications so i sleep through it because i cant stand the thought of everyone having a good time but me i even sleep through my birthdays the 30 or so people i thought were my friends that ive known for years in real life not one of them wished me a happy birthday this year only 2 online friends did which ive never met and like i said in a previous post no one would know i am dead i am going to grow old and alone no kids no gf i am the youngest in my family so i should be the last to go i am in considerable debt so i probably couldnt afford any funeral plans and so when i die alone i will have no family to claim me and so the state will do the cheapest thing which is to burn me up in a oven and throw the ashes in the trash,1
i am thinking of ending it soon possibly tomorrow my life is in shambles i served in the military had several good it jobs when i got out but then everything went to shit when i quit to take care of my dying grandfather he passed not long ago and i am not handling it well he was a father to mei am not independent anymore ive been couch surfing and my dog my only source of motivation and love its getting to the point where i dont think i can take care of him bci amstruggling so muchive ptsd and severe depression i ve been hospitalized twice before at veterans affairs hospital for suicidal thoughts i ve been trying to get a full time trying to get my own place but my credit is shitty now and i am working bullshit part times just to feed myself i just dont see the point anymore every single day is a struggle and every day my debt increases i dont see a future for myself i dont see a light,1
my friend needs help and i dont know what to do anymore so my friend is gonna try to kill himself tomorrow this isnt the first time hes tried and i dont know how i can help him anymore he tried to do it on christmas of last year hes been cutting for a while and seemed fine as if he started to feel better about himself i know his home life is horrible as that his mom treats him like shit i ve never actually met him but i do know how old he is and how he usually acts i ve known him online for a while and know that he really cant handle the stress i dont know what to do help please,1
i dont know anymore i have school and so much work and i dont know what to do i hate school with a burning passion but theres no way my parents will ever let me drop out i have no free time due to school and i cant just be absent or it will make it worse ive been working for so long and i have an essay do tomorrow on a book i havent even read yet nor started and i have to finish it before class i dont know what to do anymore i am exhausted,1
i just want to go home and sleep me too i am so tired of this shit job i wanna die,1
my family and everyone i know hate me ok so your probably wondering what this is all about called and told me to kill myself but she didnt tell the teacher that did she and the teacher believed her i m sorry i did this its just that i have no one to talk to and this is the only way its just that i wanna die,1
i am so tired of everything happening in life now because i dont see an end point and everything seems pointless and foggy i really hate everything now and the only thing making me feel alive is music i am not suicidal or anything i am just really really tired,1
rage against the dying of the light fuck depression fuck it so fucking much i just met a wonderful girl and we went on our first date two days ago and second date today it was amazing shes perfect and we mesh so well together its scary tonight out of no where i just became depressed as hell a few days ago i watched a video of a little girl that has experienced dying a few times and that video scared the hell out of me basically she said that there was no way to go out peacefully and that no matter how you prepare that you fight dying kicking and screaming inside and its terrifying i hope thats true i want to die tonight fuck me theres no reason for it my job is fine my schooling is going welli amloving life and really hope things work out with this amazing girl but i cant fucking care tonight i get sick just thinking of texting her and bringing her into this hell that i carry inside of me fuck i hate this so much and fuck tears and fuck this world fuck me,1
slipping back into ideation no one to talk to recently i was rejected from a position ive basically worked 3 years to be able to feel confident in applying to i havent really thought of alternatives should i get rejected i recognize thats my fault i just feel really disappointed and hopeless i was hoping to use this to gain experience for my future plans but now that i dont have this i dont know what to do anymore i dont know what my future will look like i dont see the point in anything anymore ive been contemplating a few different methods available to me and i cant talk to the people close to me in my life because i dont want to retraumatize them i dont want to get pulled out of school i dont want to get pushed to the edge and some of them i dont want to overload i just dont know where to go anymore aside from death i also feel like this is another failure in the string of failures in my life provingi amjust not good enough for anything and will never be good enough for anything,1
i just took 120g of fluxodine am i going to be okay i just impulsively took 120g of fluxodine its an antidepressant not wanting to kill myself i just needed to for some reasoni amfeeling numb but am i going to be okay please help,1
am so lonelyi am sobbing uncontrollably while i write this attempted to kill myself sunday night obviously didnt work ive been held captive by my suicidal depression since i was 12i am21 now nearly half my life and the longer this stays with me the less and less i remember life before this disease i need companionship female companionship i have about 3 maybe 4 friends if you really stretch it none of them women even though they are the best people i know and theyve helped me out through this as best as anyone can be expected to when they hear a close friend wants to kill themselves i hate making my problems everyone elses i need a real relationship a tender intimate love to save me from what ive attempted 23 times nothing makes me feel lower than fucking up a suicide attempt but i am so terrified of rejection because i feel like if i keep getting shot down i ll be known as that loser who cant make it with anyone i dont really have anything in common with anyone my agei ama guitarist who can hardly play the scales or stay in rhythm after playing for 4 years and taking lessons with teachers whove had decades of experience all along the way who loves 60s70s psychedelic and blues and jazz music and i fucking loathe todays pussy rock music and shitty rap that everyone i know adores i guess you can say i march to the beat of my own drum but when everyone else in the proverbial drum line is drumming another way and the crowd notices the one rogue drummer i cant help but feel embarrassed for sticking out like such a weirdo and because of this i feel like an alien who doesnt belong with the rest of humanity i could never tell my folks about this because itd break their hearts and i just cant see that happen i am trapped in a purgatory between wanting to kill myself and feeling selfish knowing i ll leave a void and break my mom and dads hearts,1
missed my chance now what i had planned to sneak out of my home borrow the car and take a drive for 2 hours to a cliff face not far away when the time came i could not muster the courage to do this so stayed at home now my options have become very limited i can only hang myself or jump in front of a train i cannot stay around into october i must find a way out i had my chance and blew it i am so disappointed in myself partial suspension seems the painless way out but i have not had any success in achieving unconsciousness from test runs short drop looks the only way to go but will be very uncomfortable for an unknown amount of time i dont want to jump in front of a train as it will mean involving innocent people which i do not want i am hurting i am fed up of taking medication from doctors that dont work i just want out ,1
the end after 4 years of battling suicidal thoughts and self harm i feel like my strength has been exhausted my feelings spiralled again and ive been stuck in this cycle of self harm and suicidal thoughts while trying to stay sane and focus because my finals start tomorrow ive never told anyone my friends or family about howi amfeeling because long story short it never ends well i am planning to do it today because at this point i am honestly so so tired and all i want is to be okay i knowi ambeing weak because every timei amthat close to committing suicide i used to be able to pull myself back but at this pointi amgiving up becuase things dont look like theyll ever get better,1
is there anyone i can talk to i really need a friend right now,1
i really dont know how i am supposed to live 4th year college kid that is currently miserable going to be 120k in debt for education and not knowing will i ever be able to pay it off felt like i made the wrong decision choosing the school my parents make horrible financial decisions and i am literally helping my dad pay stuff whilei am still in college i know that i have no hope in really establishing a family or anything i dont see a future in myself idk what to do,1
i keep having thoughts about killing myself this is a throwaway because my husband knows my regular username i cant help just thinking about how easy it will be to kill myself i want to do it but i cant bare to put my kids through that pain besides my kids and husband i truly believe no one else will miss me ive tried it in the past and sadly i was unsuccessfulim the sole provider for my family i have a job that most people consider wonderful i constantly fake being happy it hurts to fake it but i have to i dont know how much longer i can keep this up my life insurance doesnt cover suicide so ive been slowly building up a savings account with my fun money just in case i have no friends anymore i can tell reddit becausei am anonymous herei am tired of waiting to die ive tried therapy in the past and it never helped i just want this to end,1
hanging on a thread i was a bit depressed and a bit suicidal before i am paralyzed so basically i want to be less dependent for the sake of both of us having someone commit suicide because of you is kind of traumatic at least for me if she ever breaks up with me i want to last a bit longer than two weeks she may get convinced that shes not the reason or something i dont know i am a mess i dont even have a reason for writing this right now i just think i should having to live without her is something i can never do at this point this is the cringiest thing ive ever written but i have no other way of asking for help ,1
advice i ve been depressed and anxious for as long as i can remember i am hyper sensitive of my environment overly empathetic which leads to panic attacks and intense bouts of depression for the most part its been pretty manageable i d see a few therapists here and there keep myself occupied with school work my doctors seemed to believe my calm level headed demeanor signified the problem was moderate and didnt push a strict treatment plan of any sort ,1
fuck everything not a day goes by without me wanting to shoot someone and or myself theres nothing particularly wrong with my environment i am just fucked in the head i will take a good thing and ruin the shit out of it i cant stop overthinking i am so paranoid i feel like someones gonna shoot up my house help me please please i feel like shit,1
i can t handle it anymore so i m gonna tell you a little about me i ve just recently turned 15 i have always had eating problems i remeber times from 2nd grade where i refused to eat certain foods i m now to the point where i eat about 15 different foods i normally have cereal for breakfast chips for lunch and cereal for dinner i am sick all the time and my anxiety has gotten so bad my legs shake i feel nauseous i m dizzy i can t take it anymore the only thing stopping me is my little brother my best friend i don t want them to have to go on without me be sad please help me ,1
pretty dead set i am checking out soon soon as i can man the fuck up and not be such a bitch tldr loved someone with asburgerssic who i swear never was caught cause shes a female and pretty sure my life is ruined and will only be misery and me mot being able to mentally take it all and function as an adult now i also will ruin my daughter by being a shitty dad adding to my depression and final conclusion to just step aside and let life game over and see whats next and wanted to warn others what little things can turn into,1
i have accepted that when she does go home and we say our goodbyes id like to end it a few weeks after when she forgets who i am i am ashamed of myself and i dont think i ll ever be the happy person i once was,1
lack of energy will and motivation i cant see my kids barely talk to them on the phone not much seeing my family no women single for 3 years no job in almost a year disabled but the state wont believe me so no food stamps welfare disability etc barely any friends i feel like i am in prison spending 20 hours in a small room in my fathers apartment i cant get my degree two classes away until i pay the college like 1500 i am an addict with an eating disorder insomnia and depression anxiety too btw nobody quite understands and i am close to calling it quits i really dont want to wake up tomorrow i know it will hurt my kids but i barely see them hurt my parents but they always dismiss my struggles,1
feeling off lately hi alllurked for a while not sure why i decided to post maybe to vent i guessive been feeling useless lately and i dont feel valued wanted or needed i honestly wish i could disappear without causing my wife family and few friends any sory of pain i feel likei amnever taken seriously and feel like a living joke ive always been the funny guy which would explain the lack of being taken serioualy i guess i feel so trapped in my career and hatr knowing i have at least 40 more years of work i know career changes are a thing but ive found thati am not really good at anything which i guess leads to my low self esteemi amok at lots of stuff but that one thing i excel at is just non existanti try to be a good husband but i can tell my wife would be happier with someone else and i honestly cant blame her im losing interest in existing and i amlosing it fast writing all of this out is as helpful as it is scaryi am not sure if these thoughts are normalagain not sure whati amlookjng to get out of this post just to vent i guess,1
amthe worst part of everyones lifei amreasonably certain my two year old hates me my dads an asshole who i dont talk to my inlaws fucking despise me i have no friends i spend all day every day just alone with a toddler and on top of it all my husband told me tonight thati amthe reason for his depression the one person whos supposed to love me for me and i amfucking destroying his life at this point the only reasoni amalive is becausei ampregnant and its not her fault shes got such a fuck up for a motheri amconsidering suicide but i amsure i will chicken out because i cant even fucking die right i want a fucking drink but againi ampregnant and i cant do that to her so basicallyi amstuck and everything fucking sucks ,1
i just dont know where to goi am trying so hardi am trying so hard to keep myself together but this is so difficult i know i have to keep it together i feel like this is just an endless loop of me struggling then pretendingi am not struggling then struggling again i want to reach a point in my life wherei amat peace but that may take forever and i just dont know if i can do this for much longer,1
amscared of dying but i ammore scared of being alivei am20 years old and have severe anxiety and depression its gotten to the point where i just dont care what happens i know people would be sad if i died but i just dont care anymoreim just so scared to talk to people but being lonely is really hurting mei amcrying just typing this out bci amscared of what people might say to me i got bullied severely in middle school and it destroyed any confidence ive hadi amscared to leave my house bci amworried i will get hurt i dont care enough to change anything so i just stay in my room all day and pray to god to give me a sign to stay alive but i never get anythingsorry for this jumbled mess,1
my only goodbye note hello everyone recently i ve found it very hard to not think about suicide i have had depression sleeping disorders and many suicidal thoughts for 6 years now i am now 17 and all i do is sit in my empty room almost every day no family except a father who is rarely ever here no pets that would provide any entertainment from the loneliness nothing but even if i were to see my family again i have lost the ability to have a normal conversation all i do is yell even if i am not mad i just tell them to go away its hard to say but i have felt so down this last week than i have my entire life and thats saying something because ive attempted before but right now i have not made any actions because its different this time this time ive felt so empty and void of feelings and sometimes even of consciousness but anyway i did find out there is a pretty high train bridge not far from where i live hopefully this will work i might go there tomorrow maybe in a week but no longer than that if you cared enough to read all of this thank you and goodbye,1
today was supposed to be the day i just want death is that really too much to ask,1
i have lost the will to live i have nothing all i tell is a tug on my heart i have lost all emotion just fuck this world bye,1
some days are livable and the rest are insufferable ya i hear that i dont know you so i can only speak from my life its not that some days are livable and some are insufferable its that they are survivable i dont live i survivei am still trying to figure out why i do this i guess my hope is that if i give it enough time things will change eventually who knows maybe i will hit the lottery or maybe a buss will hit me either way i win some day the survival instinct will fade but thats not today i am 52 with not much to look forward to if youre younger give it time if youre older then your survival instinct is still strong,1
evreytime i get off the phone with her cant describe how i feel it doesnt feel good sometimes and sometimes it doesnt feel bad were happy most of the time and we could talk forever a long time after every phone call my thought are saying i want to kill my self i want to kill my self i want to kill my self kill me kill me kill me i would keep saying those words over and overthoughts would last about 30sec or a minute and would feel like a long time idk know whats going on,1
i feel guilty about being this sad when i have no reason or right to be i feel pathetic and worthless if you arent busy please help me i feel that way too sometimes ,1
i m done living i m 17 but already fill like i ve had my fill on life ever since the fifth grade i ve had this sense of already knowing what s coming next pain suffering and the biggest people i have a boring life wake up play video games go to school come home masturbate and repeat video games don t please me anymore they re just something i play out of self hate i try working out but i always end reminding myself that i m not worth the effort i want to hate myself for wanting to die but honestly who s gonna remember or miss me i hate my brother sister and father and even if my mom misses me she ll forget soon the school will probably have a couple moments of silence and maybe a mention at graduation the few friends i have will forget too i tried to think of a few reasons to live but they re inconsequential live for the cute girl sitting next to me live to keep my family happy live for a bright future i m curious too i m an atheist but i still want to know what comes after death if there s anything the sooner i die the sooner people stop talking behind my back plus no one really cares about mental health just pray it away or get over it hell reddit or someone at school can make a joke about me committing suicide later i just need the right combination of pills to od on or a tall tower to jump off of,1
my mother is suicidal and i dont know what to do anymore god i really hate myself for posting this ,1
ready to jump off a parking garage i am really depressed sad of living the same day over and over so sad of keep on crying every night i just wanna die i just wanna go take a bus trip to a casino and have one last good night before i jump overi am so done i have nothing to hold me back i want to die i have nothing to live for,1
i just need someone to talk to please i am 15 i dont want to die but it seems like the only option i have an abusive dad bad grades and ive been depressed since i was 11 i really dont want to die but why keep on living like this,1
would it be a dick move if i did it on my birthday so my birthday is next monday i will be 27 i have my first counselling session on wednesday and i amgonna try to get tested for bipolar ive already written out my note and ive sort of made a deal with myself thati amgonna kill myself on my birthday even if i get toldi am not bipolar my ex broke up with me recently and i dont wanna spend it alone without her i think if i am bipolar then itll be easier for me to do iti amalso hoping that none of my friends or family wish me happy birthday just so i have the proof i need that no one cares the only person i want to wish me a happy birthday is heram i being a dick if i do it on my birthday,1
amending it tonight hi againi finally gathered the courage to end it for good i dont see why i should bother going through all the shit people give me every dayi am so sick of all the pain and anxiety ive been feeling for way too long i always try so fucking hard to make it through i try so hard to fix my life but each time someone just casually comes and fucking destroys it people either try to avoid me or they shit all over me i dont even know whats worse anymore i have no motivation no will to live becausei amconstantly uncomfortable and hurt and nothing brings me peace ,1
fucking worthless defects like me should paint the walls with their fucking brains i shouldnt existi ama worthless fucking freak a defective piece of shit people like me shouldnt exist and me killing myself would simply be natural selection at work i shouldve been smothered or bludgeoned the day i was borni ama mistake a crime against nature an abomination and i dont even know why i am defective i just know i am thats why everyone treats me like a monster,1
i havent posted here in a while not because i am better tho i havent felt like i have to the words to say to yall i dont see a happy ending in my life i have broken nerves from fibromyalgia i have a body that causes me so much despair in my life i get more and more exhausted from every little thing i never get energy backi amdragging myself around everyday i feel likei amruining everyones day by being near them i spent a while today holding all the meds i hoped to od on and decided to look it up and see if it is enough it wasnt i dont even have an easy escape now i wrote a poem on how i feel why shouldnt she by serena redactedshe looked in a mirror the horrifying images always reflecting the room echos the bass that harms she doesnt understand why a god made her like some joke i dont know where to go what to even do i am supposed to live a lifehappy and like othersi am not like othersi amwrong that word fits too well wrong i am not worth the effort to become like themshe glaces down little chemicals and a bitter drink just one bad momentshe will ease the pain of everyone else why shouldnt shei dont see a reason to be worth it i dont want my own life,1
i feel like not taking my medication and sitting in a bathtub until i have a seizure and drown i cant get it off my mindi am so fucking lonely i want to get off work so badly to come home and i dont do anything everything i enjoyed is just boring i feel like just getting home get stoned and go to bed until tomorrow to repeatits a never ending circle and who the fuck cares about me nothing would change if i were gone i doubt anyone would even show up for my funeral and if they did they probably just felt obligated to go,1
huh weird rough day weirdly rough social anxiety seems to be rearing an ugly head and thats weird cause its new,1
back where i was a year ago cant keep doing this was in the psychiatric floor at the hospital a year ago for a bit less than 2 weeks my second time there i felt like it d do me some good but now i just want to kill myself ,1
in a bad place right now urge to self harm growing i am having another mental attack i always get one a couple of times a year and they last a few days i have no friends and no one to talk to nowi amgetting the urge inside my head to start hurting myself to make this pain go away i havent self harmed since late may or early june and i am trying not to relapse,1
i don t understand myself sometimes how i can want to kill myself so much while figuring out how to get my masters at the same the i want to die so much why should i prepare for a future,1
 i ve been reading a bit and am not sure if i tell people about this whole situation on one hand it would mean i could get proper help but i d feel selfish also as i mentioned in a comment that would involve my mum finding out and i m not sure about it should i seek medical help a therapistfred xx,1
empty inside while since i posted but i am doing better not as depressed as i was before but i still feel that emptiness feeling inside i still think bout my ex and motivation isnt there still idk i guess need more time i am trying to meet females but it seems to end in disappointment maybe its not meant to be for me friend of mine keeps on telling me to grow thicker skin i just cant be that way and this is how i am emotional to much and i get token advantage of cause of that also she told me i have no ambition and to laid back she is right and i feel so shitty weak and worthless maybe thats why i cant keep a woman cause i am not ambitious enough fucking hate it and myself i still have thoughts of suicide but i wouldnt have the courage to go through with it i am so afraid of getting hurt again and i dont think i can take another disappointment,1
life is boring first theres indoctrination memorizing pointless information and spitting it back out not understanding why youre then left at an awkward stage after school not knowing what the point of anything is so you get a job so you can live on your own maybe you meet someone along the way who does the same after 45 years of suffering at your dead end job that didnt go anywhere you decide to retire with the little money you both have saved and are finally able to rest without worrying about tomorrow after 10 more years you die not knowing what any of life was for questioning why you put up with so many problems and why you pretended to care for so long and why you didnt just end it when you knew it was going to be like this at 13 ,1
i hate myself texted my ex of 2 years ago today everything is adding up i moved across the country for a good job and i am still laying in bed at night wishing i could blow my fucking brains out,1
relieved to be able to say how much i want to die anywhere even anonymously even mentioning in normal life that i dont feel my life has purpose or meaning gets me pity and pep talks at best and not terribly subtle hints to stop the conversation or withdrawal from friendships at worst and while i dont know for sure what saying offline that i want to die and in fact have multiple plans with multiple pro and con lists in my head would get me,1
i dont feel alive and i am not depressed however ive been thinking about my future and whether its worth it i still study hang out with friends etc and i would feel like myself but when i am stuck doing hw or something late at night the thought of death doesnt intimidate me like i always have this thought everyone dies its just a matter of when u dieunless ur steve jobs or abe lincoln a majority of things u did wont matter after death this leads me to believe that theres no point in trying to make a difference in the world bcuz i will die in a couple of decades unlessi amsteve jobs or something i have goals family and friends and i am in a decent situation my social life at school could be alot better and i would appreciate less hw and testsjust a little ranti am really bored and stuck doing hw ,1
rejection sensitive dysphoria is killing me and id rather die than live with it i have rather severe adhd which comes with a heaping dose of it is defined as i take everything personally i hate seeing other people happy i constantly worry about things i have no control over its so hard to tell people about this because i am constantly fighting through misconceptions about adhd yeah sure its hard for me to focus and i always sway back and forth like i have to pee but its impossible for me to function as a human being emotionally too but i always get eitheri ammaking it up or we all have a little adhdi amjust so fucking tired of itwhen my meds are working i dont have to worry anymore i can talk to people i focus on the things i can control i can see a light at the end of the tunnel but it never lasts adderall gave me mood swings i developed a tolerance for ritalin concerta requires 3 hours of exercise for it to activate and i was making do with that for the time being even if it doesnt leave me a lot of time to do homework but now even with the exercise its not working anymore i am already at the max 72mg for concerta i dont really see any other options and id rather kill myself than live with it hopefully this time i dont fuck up,1
i can no longer go on i can no longer take anymore criticism from my mother i can no longer hear another word of how useless i am every single day i can longer live with her comparing me to others i can no longer stand my father ignoring me i can no longer stand the tone of voice when my father replying anything i was saying like i am an eyesore i can longer tell myself to stay alive for my family i can no longer believe there is another way out i can no longer seeing my friends leave my side one by one i can no longer imagine life if i ever find a job and move on i can no longer imagine life getting better i can no longer say i love myself i can no longer trust any professional counseller psychiatrist nor psychologist which i met all three that judged me and given me and my condition a name within 3 minutes of meeting me without me telling them anything everyone was in it for the money there is no more hope i am just waiting for someone to tell me to die so i can finally do it i have been imagining hanging myself and stabbing myself a lot more frequent i used to think of ways of killing myself with lesser pain but i no longer do as long as it kills me i dont think i would mind the pain i dont know what and whyi amasking i have seen people who claim to want to help only to be leaving sooner then i expected i want a reset but i know there isnt and wont be one,1
it happened today i have not felt this feeling in a long time i have not thought about suicide in a very long time today that thought popped into my head and quite frankly scared the living shit out of me a few years ago i was ready i had it all planned out letters written everything my parents were on vacation i had stayed home because i had band rehearsals mid summer for the upcoming seasoni am not sure why but one of my dearest friends showed up at my house to watch our favorite musical phantom of the opera her arrival was not planned or expected she ended up spending the night and we stayed up all night and just talked if it was not for her i would not be here today i have never told her this and probably never will she is in my life today and that is alli amworried about fast forward to today i have been going through a lot lately i have been under a tremendous amount of stress anxiety has been extremely high ive been feeling very very alone lately i live in a city where my closest family member is over an hour away my boyfriend just left me i work with what feels like 247 i have absolutely no friends that i can turn too and i thought to myself no one gives a shit about you if you were to disappear no one is going to notice i cried for hours and i am not feeling okay right now any positive helpful thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated though the next few daysi amfinding it very difficult to pick up the pieces right now ,1
am so unattractive it makes me want to die i ve never once seen myself as attractive and i ve never had a girlfriend because of it i have the weakest jawline and my nose outweighs my forehead as well i felt like if i got plastic surgery id be judged for not loving myself enough ive thought about ending my life before ive felt that if i did it would somewhat be better anyways because of my unattractive mess of a person i am anyways ,1
i am literally unable to stop thinking about it suicide i can not stop thinking about it ways to do it how it would feel the relief of finally having some blood pump through my veins right before i hit the groundi am so bored and unhappy with my life that the act of ending it would be the only thing to provide sufficient excitementi amdepressed and have been since 17 the fact is i dont feel anything at all except empty boredomi amon autopilot and want to die i dont even know if id consider myself unhappy happy and sad are emotions and i am completely void of emotionfound this subreddit after weeks of obsessing over iti think i will flip a coin,1
ive decidedi am going to do it tonight need someone to talk to i have enough of this shit i am doing it tonight theres no one that can talk me out of it i am so afraid for my family and what they will go through soi am going to cover everything in my notei am going to say i asked for forgiveness for my religious mothers sakei am going to apologize to my father for being such a waste of time and money i dont know what i will say to my brother and sisteri amjust so sorryi am sorry that i couldnt be betteri am sorry that i couldnt be stronger this is the liberation i need right now people mean the best but all i can do is throw it back in their facesi am so sorry,1
lost my sense of self preservation its weird i suddenly just dont give a fuck anymore i dont think i care much if i dont graduate or if i dont go to college or if i get expelled or if i hurt the people i love and that love me nothing really matters to me anymore i dont have goals or anything to really work towards and i dont want anythingi amabout to get a zero for this project and so is my partner if i dont go to school today and strangely enough fuck it i dont thinki am goingi ama horrible being and i wouldnt mind being erasedi amon an antidepressant and a mood stabilizer and now i just want to overdose what do i do now ,1
dead end job losing hope mental health dwindling hello i have entertained the idea briefly years back my mother has been very sick for sometime and i dont think i can hold on any longer the thoughts are beginning to make their way into my life in lots of different ways ive been convincing myself that the easiest option is death do you have any advice for changing my patterns of thinking over the long term cbt with a therapist and medication have been consistent for years ,1
my mind is a mobile prison i can never seem to get away from iti amconstantlyon edge worrying thati am going to make some split second decision to stop the pain stop the longingi amhaunted by memories of a life i dont get to live anymore full of happiness and hope the same memories that helped me fall asleep at night keep me wide awake in pain or fear everywhere i go everything i see has some memory trigger that reminds me you used to be happy you used to have hope you used to have purpose you used to care for people anything i try to do is like a quick high it only lasts for a matter of minutes before it dies death may not be the best solution but it is a way to get out of the hell hole that is my mind ,1
18 i dont see a future where do i start just graduated from high school and i have over 9 months to study for some tests to get in to a university i want to be a english teacher in turkey but i dont want it i just feel like thats the only thing i can do i hated school i hated classes i hated students and i hated teachers dont get me wrong i got lot to tell you see during this period of time that i have i want to study maybe go to a gym as well thats not how my parents think they want me to work while i study me working now having a 1 minute conversation feels like getting chased by 50 murderers to me i got no social skill and unsurprisingly i got no friends none i cant work not now i have terrible cardio walking for 5 minutes is a torture to me how the fuck i am going to work they dont want me to work so i can bring some cash to the house thats not reason they want to convince people that i am normal every motherfucker that comes the home talks about why i should work and get some experience ive been the kid that everyone shit on because i am not so smooth at talking and i dont go out much everyone talks about how weird i am like thats my fucking fault like i raised myself for fucks sake also i am 18 and i amtall and i got beard which basically means that i am completely 100 ready to start living no one asks or even wonders what the fuck going in my head going trough all this alone is really tough i feel like if i had person in my life that would care about me i can overcome everything but i just dont i am alone there is no way that i will find someone like that i just know i will fail at everything i will never be able tell people how i feel from now on i am going down and thats how its going to be when i used to think about my future i would see a nice girl my dream job professional wrestling and good friends now i just see a grave only thing i can think about is just how and when i am going to end this,1
meh just turned in a bunch of assignments for school several of them late a lot of easy bullshit like sample resumes i dont know its all self reflection garbage my life is nothing but mistakes i hate it i hate everything ive done i hate myself i just dream for the day i finally kill myself,1
please someone put the gun to my head and pull the trigger i feel empty destroyed lifeless and completely disconnected from realityi amall alone in this evil hatred filled and despicable world i hope someone would just place the gun on my head and finish me that way i wouldnt have the guilt of causing the single or two people that cared grief thats if anyone actually doesi am already dead from the insidei amjust a lifeless body waiting to roti amjust a fallen leaf waiting to be crushed or waiting to slowly fade away into the abysswho am i kiddingi amall alone noone will care noone will bother to read this i should just stop fucking lying to myself i should just place the ice cold barrel on my head and do it ,1
accepting my fate so i think i ve been depressed for 3 years now and this summer has been the worst i finally found my happiness but she wanted to go separate ways being alone is something to get used to and definitely hard my sister and her were bffs and now the bond has been broke i think i m going to accept my fate by fixing what i broke up and then ending everything because i don t see a point of living anymore ,1
spiraling down i m so sad that it hurts my head i m broken i ve never been able to connect with anyone wife of 17 years says she regrets meeting me and i m her biggest mistake this is consistent theme in our marriage my three daughters are so perfect if i stay in their lives i ll break them too i was abandoned by my mother at 10 and i never recovered i never will i will never be able to give my wife the connection she deserves and my girls the father they need i m broken and i don t see a way outi tried to be strong but i want to quit everything and sleep my only solace is being unconscious i crave escape and sleep death can t be that different i know it s not politically correct but is it such a bad thing to extinguish a single spark from a roaring fire i have no significance on a cosmic planetary or even municipal scale i can t think of a reason to stay everyone will say stay for the girls they need you but if i m being honest they need a much better father figure than what i ve offered or can offer i am broken and i just want to sleep,1
what s the point anymore what happened,1
my relationship with my mom id rather not be in a situation where everything i say is taken as a joke as some sort of pun as ifi am trying to make you laugh by telling you about my issues as if you somehow deserve my trust after you laugh when i told you that i i was molested i by a man you brought into the house and laughed with and drank with and brought around other small children and when you laughed when i told you i was suicidal but then cried when i cut as if i hadnt told you i wasnt okay you tell mei ammaking you sad that its my fault youve gotten worse as ifi amthe one in the bad becausei am doing this to spite you to make you feel bad i tell you i dont feel okay but you only listen wheni amlying on my deathbed i tell you i cant feel my hands but you only listen when i cant feel your touch i tell you i cant see but you only listen when my eyes roll on the floor you want my help wheni amdying and i want yours when youre thriving but only one of us gets what we want and that someone isnt me,1
ready to try again bought some rope today not sure when i will quit messing around and just do it already attempted to od back in march but that didnt work obviouslyi tried to get my foot into therapy but my work schedule clashed with their availability and nowi amabout to lose my insurancecant talk to my family about these problems my sisters thinki amuseless and already tell me i should just die sometimes i have so many trust issues with my mother snooping through my belongings reading my diary opening my mail etc the relevant one in this situation is the fact she made jokes about my most recent attempt instead of trying to helpits weak stuff to die over probably but i ampathetic and over being a burden on so many others,1
suicide i want to kill myself i find myself very envious of my dead friends i think of myself as a survivor and know i sound like a pussy but i just dont really understand whati am doing anymore ive been struggling with the loss of my significant other we dated for ten years on and off and my life with him was the only normal life ive known ive been through not one but several traumatic experiences which ive never received help for and theres also a lot of pressurei amdealing with in terms of successi amtrapped in a job that i hate which earns me a great deal of money however my mom depends on me so i cant quit or get a normal job ive never attempted suicide even though ive always thought about it the problem is that ive been thinking about it more and more frequently over the last year i cry almost every day i think about it everyday i know there are people in worse situations but are they just better equipped for those situations i dont know i just know how i feel,1
i have everything going for me i have a good job a loving wife financial stabilityyet i am so sad i remember being suicidal even in third grade walking down the playground in the winter with my head down cause i was teased and felt worthless things never got better until maybe the end of high schooli developed a problem with alcohol which i still deal with and my job sucks i really want to jump off a bridge i wont do it now but i feel like i will someday i dont know when it could be tomorrow it could be five years from now but god i dont understand why i feel so shitty i mean i guess i could think of a million reasons related mostly to my mother but that was twenty years ago i should be over it now but right now i am crying drinking and just want to be numbthanks for reading,1
please help me i feel alone and no one cares my family hates me my friends arent there for me and even my dog doesnt like me i can disappear and everything will resume as normal within a couple days theres no point in staying when i have nothing keeping me here does anyone have any reason to stay,1
extremely overwhelmed i dont think i am brave enough to actually try suicide because i cant abandon my pets but i wish something would just make the pain stop have ptsd that cripples me from doing much even when i try i still need help and my mom bitches nonstop i am 32 yrs old and i am screamed at almost every single day by her i cant even go without answering my phone for a day without her flipping out on me i do have a mental health team but my insurance cut back the hrs so i only get to see her every 2 weeks they put me on watch a few weeks ago and my sw called my mom to tell her to be gentle with me and stuff my mom hears i am suicidal and talks to my sw about a book she wrote and if i had told her about it other than being here for my 2 cars and hamster i have nothing else,1
my biggest regret a little over 2 weeks ago i was inches from ending my life i had my poison drink in my hand wrote my goodbye letter but couldnt build up the courage to drink itlater that week i admitted myself to a physchiatric sp rehabilitation center thinking that would help i wasnt considered a serious case so i was released in 55 hourssomething to work on was to communicate my feelings more to trustworthy people ive since had in depth conversations with my closest friends this has backfired i have felt more alone than ever i feel like theyre avoiding me at all costsmy biggest regret is not swalling the drink when i had the chance herei am sitting contemplating my choices my closest friends dont seem like they ll miss me we all had talks in my signs of hitting rock bottom and how to help ive been showing those signs only to be given the cold shoulder time after timeat some point i just have to be selfish and do whats best for me ,1
last note i am 18 and i will commit suicide today 26th of september my story you want to hear simple i am getting abused my family us abusing me my classmates is making fun of me before i die i wanted to tell you this guys dont trust people you dont know they are cruel one of them pretended to be my friend what did i get i got stabbed with a knife on my chest i tried everything i had a bad past with drugs my boyfriend knows ofet and he thinks that i am all right nothing is going as i wished i just wanted to smile for once in my life after 5 years of depression i came to the point where i will say goodbye you may think this is not a reason ive been abused so often in any way none can imagine i will take my life by cutting my wrist open and taking sleeping pills ,1
honestly bleh i will not write another post lying to myself i will never have the guts to actually commit suicide i will just do what everyone does you know wake up work and go to sleep until i eventually die,1
lost i feel like the only way out is to get out of life i cant keep going this way my family deserves better and i dont know what to do,1
brain injury i am 33 male i sustained a brain injury in the army about ten or fifteen years ago i have cluster headaches the pain is indescribable random onset and duration light and sound make it worse i have two children their mother got married a couple months ago and moved them 1200 miles away my father and three grandparents have gambling problems my sisters have drug problems i have been getting a check for years and have nothing to show for it they take advantage of my brain injury and i lose alot of money i can not go out to meet people i havent gotten laid in 5 years i cant even get family to go out with me let alone a woman the few times i had an option the crap my ex has put me thru makes me hesitate and she loses interest there is no medication i can take to help with the pain antidepressants dont work i get angry at all of this but have no one to blame i pace and go for a walk and now i take the shotgun out and put in my mouth and imagine if there is any reason not to pull the trigger sometimes i pray to god to ignite the round i stop for my sons but they are gone and i have nothing left now nothing to live for there is no hope no karma this world is hell ,1
i have no friends and spend every night at home on the pc either playing video games or watching pointless youtube videos until i fall asleep my parents have made it clear they can not afford to finance my living at home but they will continue to try until i am able to sort myself out which is a possibility i really have no belief in the only thing stopping me is the fear of a painful death or of something going wrong and having to live with a permanent injury i suppose i thought maybe talking to some like minded people might make the long nights a little easier to manage thanks and best wishes to you all ,1
i am exhausted theres nothing left for me here sometimes for a moment i will get sad thinking about the wedding i wont have and the animals i wont get to save but i amjust too tired to care that much i either feel nothing or intense overwhelming despair and thats it the hot and cold is sucking the life out of me and i dont know if i can stick around much longer its impossible to tell when itll really be it for me i feel like itll happen with the car somehow or maybe i will od jumping off a cliff is also plausible i just dont want it to be messy i will feel to bad for whoever finds me ,1
am so worthless everyone around me is so successful everyone around me is loved me things i can doi am not great at no one truly loves me i feel so alone i feel like my existence is so worthless,1
lost in the world so i think i am going to finally kill myself i ve had suicidal thoughts since middle school which i ve been able to suppress but i think i am going to act on these thoughts soon,1
confused i have suicidal thoughts often but theyre not what seems to be usual suicidal thoughts i have severe depressionanxiety and most of the time sometimes i do have instances where i want to actually die i want to attempt suicide and fail just so that i can show people thati am really struggling that i need help right now my parents arent big on therapy or anything so idk i feel selfish or like an attention seeker maybe i am an attention seeker i just feel like i need help,1
tired of everything i m 18 years old and dealing with depression social anxiety still living with my parents because i have no money accept me for who i am i m so tired of this when the only enemy is the person who s my mother what should i do should i ignore her the only solution i see is to kill myself i don t deserve to be here i m just flesh who s getting i the way useless human being whos not talented not a genius not even attractive,1
considering writing a note but just a note i don t plan on actually killing myself i m just curious what a note would look like if it would make sense to see all of my issues down on paper does any of that make sense,1
theres no reason for me to live ,1
not sure if this is really worth my time to write out and anyone else s time to read i plan to end everything by this weekend i ve had a few people try to convince me otherwise but of course as you can tell by this post it s not worked i m a financial burden on my parents whom i still live with at 21 i m in credit card debt shouldn t complain that s my own fault i hate everything about myself how i look how i think about things my weirdnesssome people say i m wrong but it s extremely hard to believe otherwise i m not worth anyone s time i m a waste of space air and just everything regardless of what anyone says i am and everyone else is better off with me not being here that s just how it is as much as i d rather not die in pain i know i deserve it,1
too afraid to commit suicide yet i want too and no one cares if i contemplate andor actually commit it i have tried posting in a bunch of different subreddits about my problems in hopes of someone actually bothering with me and all i get is zero comments and my posts get zero attentioni amsick of living yeti amscared to death of dying when i see people having a good time together i get angry and sad because i have nobody i never had friends at all no real relationshipsi amalways tired too i am a below average person with a dead end future of crap cant remember the last time i actually enjoyed livingi probably sound whiny but i never have anyone to talk toi amsick of being ignored irl and on the damn internet wheres the people who actually care nowhere i feel as if i opened up to people theyd laugh at me or be condescendingthis post will be buried under more important suicidal posts but i just wanted to write my thoughts ,1
slitting wrists hypothetical question if someone is alone at night and no one will disturb him can he successfully slit wrists i know how to do it and i amseriously not asking for help or something lol this is a hypothetical question cant someone bleed to death for 910 hours if cutting is done correctly,1
my girlfriend is suicidal i love her with all my heart she is constantly depressed but goes through periods of almost normalcy before sinking into depressive episodes she constantly says she needs to go and that she wants to go that she is ruining my life by holding me back etc it isnt true however i love her very much and i never have any idea how to help ive read the sidebar links and she hates counselling and will never go not even with me and she is firmly against using meds saying she would rather die than use them,1
my bf says he wants to die hes been depressed since ive met him 2 years but i didnt think he was at this point hes angry all the time and very irrational yesterday he dropped a bomb on mehe just wants to die nothing makes him happy and the only emotion he can really feel is anger he also thinks hes too messed up for help that he cant be fixed how do i convince him that he can get help and he wont feel like this forever he says paying money to talk to someone is stupid and that hes tried a few different antidepressants before and they all made him horribly sick i dont want to lose him what do i do,1
i ve had an ongoing battle with depression for a long time and i think about death a lot but i also have a few people who truly love me and i won t let this beat me because that s the cowards way out i can overcome i will not let this own my life the sun has already risen and i m still here,1
i need help getting though today i am having severe physical pain ongoing chronic i willness that doctors cant fix and horrible depression and just dont want to be alive anymorei amstruggling to find housing so i dont have to stay with my abusive spouse anymore but was told it would be 6 months to a year to get housing assistancei amunable to work because of physical disabilities so i have no income about 40k in debt,1
hate i just hate my self so much i cant take it my whole body is hurting so much becausei amtensing up completely and have uncontrollable spasms the whole time there is a huge urge to gag i can barely think straight and all i want is to stay up go out get a clear thoughts and simply walk to the scaffolding climb up and let myself fall down thats the only thing i can catch a clear thought onto right now and i amalone nobody is there everyone is asleep busy or ignoring me although i anyways dont really have people to talk toi amdone,1
nothing ever changesi am going to kill myself because i am fed up of surviving for no reason theres nothing i enjoy ive never really enjoyed anything i am a boring person that no one wants around which is why over the last ten years ive steadily lost any hope that things will ever get better doctors cant do anything not even sure theyre that good at dealing with this for anyone ive spent the last of my savings on a trip which i knew wouldnt make me feel better but i did it anyway because what else can i do theres no reason to go home and no reason to stay here cant really anyway just got to work up the courage to do what ive known is the best solution for me since i was 10,1
just cant keep building myself up then dropping down and feeling like this hey all anyone else tired of motivating themselves feeling like youve finally learnt to overcome this thing and are ready to move forward in life but then something happens and you are back having these thoughtsyeh well i was having a lot of anxiety as a kid but its when i hit 20 and started balding thats when it really began and there has been on and off peaks were its crippled me from leaving my roomsomething so stupid as hair which i have tried drugs to bring my hopes up then didnt work tried seeing a therapist for a year feeling really good dropped lots of addictions like gaming and porn and finally ready to move on with life but now i am on exchange and these thoughts ave returned i even got this smp procedure but i still have a way of thinking about my head its like i just dont want to let go of this painand it feels like i will never let go so whats the point right my personal fixation is with hair but can anyone else feel the same with buildingimproving yourself then falling back down to square 1 and feels like you start again,1
what would happen if while in therapy i express suicidal ideation and reveal that i have access to a firearm at home could i be committed ,1
theres only one thing keeping me alive at this point ,1
am in so much pain right now should i kill myself i dont know what i should do please helpi am17 i have depression and suicidal thoughts i self harm practically everyday when i was young about 6 or so i was physical emotionally and sexually abused by members of my family they say they had to do it i was misbehaving i asked for iti ama guy so i should get over iti am still living in this situation i dont know what to do i have no where to go maybe i should just kill myself maybe my life doesnt matter maybei amwhats wrong,1
my girlfriend has suicidal thoughts my 6 months girlfriend has been a victim of physical and sexual abuse as a child from her step dad she still lives with her step dadshe has depression and suicidal thoughts because of her lack of self worth and reasonhope to live the only people that care about her is me and her mumself worth isnt something you can just give but i want to do my best to improve her well being ideally for her she would want us to be together forever thats what she says because no one else cares about her i am not ready to give my life to her but id give anything else just so she can have hope in lifeour relationship is great weve had amazing times together she saysi amthe best thing thats happened to her but what i want is to be sure if our relationship ends shed have hope to liveim looking for what i can do in the short term because i dont think well be together forever i care about her so much whats the best thing i could do to ensure that she wont kill herself in the future,1
feeling clear i have felt suicidal for around 57 years i normally feel suicidal when i am very sad usually thinking of suicide as a way to stop being a burden on my family today i did not feel sad i felt very clear i felt like the best option for me was to disappear i do not feel like i can function in society i am ashamed of what i have done and how i have treated those who tried to love me i do not pity myself at all the condition i am in is all because of my own actions i feel certain that my life will not get any better although i couldnt possibly know that honestly i am afraid i feel disguting in my own body i feel like every second i spend in it is almost torturous,1
still here all i am doing right now is existing and going to school and tricking my mind into thinking that life is worth living for such and such passions which dont even make me feel any sort of excitement or happiness anymore i cant socialize trust me ive tried many many times i dont know what its like to be valued by someone else as much as i want to live to get rich and find happiness i have come to realize that the journey to seeking happiness is somewhat a false hope kind of thing and i figure that even if i reach my goals i still wont be any happier or any less lonelier than i am today besides i think being dead is better than suffering through every single second of my life my existence is literally pointless why not put an end to this ridiculousness,1
going to do it yup this worthless ignorant son of a bitch is going to attempt suicide today i will be trying to suffocate myself with a pillow tonight i am going to force myself to not resist and feel the pain and suffering i dont deserve to live and i cant handle being this way fuck you shyness and social anxiety thanks for ruining my lifei amsure my parents will be fine without me i hate how religious they are i have to pretend to care but i really ironically do not this is too much for a 16 year old to handle i hope this works i dont wanna even celebrate my 17th birthday in december 8th all this stress and my fucking english teacher crumbled up my paper and threw it in the trash because i accidentally smeared my book check paper with my quick write everyone in the class saw and was in shock he saidhow many times have i told you not to do this he only told me like once though fucking hate this and got to present on november 6th i cant handle public speaking its so bad for me yeah i am looking for pity and attention i saw someone in a post here and they got cussed out cool i hope nobody gives a fuck about this shithead of a child i see no reason not to all ive been doing is bluffing time to do the actual action things wont get better i have tried to listen to that,1
i dont know what to do about my girlfriend this is such a tricky situation and i dont know what to do i started dating my current girlfriend 2 years ago we met online via a game and have been in a long distance relationship though weve met up dozens of times and have stayed with each other for weeks at a time sometimesboth of us have dealt with depression for a long time and when we started dating she was the sole reason i wanted to stay alive still it feels reversed nowadays i still love her a lot and she loves me but my depression has gotten so much worse since i started seeking help which i gave up on because my life felt considerably worse when i started acknowledging the depression and i am an even more negative person now than i was back then i think this may have pushed on to her and now we are just a rolling ball of negativityit feels like it is going to push me over the edge to suicide but i also feel that if i leave her i will be pushed over the edge to suicide because i dont have anything going for me if i dont have her on top of that it would crush her and the guilt itself in that would just fuck me up i dont know what to do should i just try and get over it and push through until it feels like it is getting better should i risk leaving her ending in a likely suicide for me and a possible one for her i am not even good for her i amsuch an awful emotional support i cant even support myself how can i support hereven if i did decide to break it off with her i have no idea how this is the first and only relationship ive ever been in and i really dont think id ever find someone else that would be willing to be with me that i also like but putting future possible relationships aside if i continue living to even have a second i dont know what i should do about this oneim so lost and confused and i dont know what i can do about it please help mei am sorry i came here instead of or but they wouldnt understand the depression situation like i feel a lot of you would,1
idk whatelse to do hey reddit i dont have anyone else to talk to and i never post to redditi am25 and feel likei am going to lose it all i have cirrhosis my liver cause i would just stay drunk after my mom died i drank everyday for the last 3 years i spent over 2 weeks in the hospital so my job let me go i do have a girlfriend who lives with me but is no longer happy she will make comments about she doesnt love me and hasnt been happy for months we are just on a lease together now rent is due that i cant pay no family to fall back on or help me now i just cant stop thinking about being with my mom i dont wanna be homeless and lose everything again i amat the wall,1
my dog died because of me what kind of worthless human am i i should just die,1
its my birthday in less then 10 minutes but i have never felt so worthless and depressed i have always had thoughts of suicide on my mind but have always been too afraid to do anything since i am terrified of death but lately my life has not been getting any better one day is worse then the first and the stress builds up and i am in a situation where i am worthless in every way i honestly dont feel like i belong here and dont deserve to be alive everyone hates me people only humor me this life isnt worth living i never thought i would be here writting these words edit if anyone could please let me know how much tylenol i can take safely without killing myself that would be helpful as much as i feel like killing myself id rather get close to the edge without actually jumping off it i want to numb myself,1
therapy has made things worse i started going to a therapist 6 months ago tonight i am considering going to the er i am not going to do it tonight i probably wont for a couple years just for the grandparents to pass on with their version of me in their minds its the least i can do i had a charmed childhood and they were a part of it,1
disowned overstaying in a foreign country going back to home country is a bullet swallow i am going to forcefully be sent to army where ear is still going and my mind tells me i should shoot myself there just to not give satisfaction of killing me to anybody else i do not know what to do i feel like i will never make it to australia with my worthless shitty stupid existence of a corpse that will never achieve anything in life id rather jump off the roof and die or wait for a train in the middle of a night so it can run me over life is not worth it j dont think any employers will come back to me who wild will to sponsor such piece of shit,1
i am tired of going over my story i am tired of social workers doctors medication hospitals and people only pretending to care so they can feel good about themselvesi find the world is a rotten place but sometimes i feel like its just me thats rotten i could never hurt another person every time i back down from doing myself in life gets worse and worseive set a date october 6th 2017 everyone thinks its when my next song is coming outi dont want to be remembered,1
just feeling down for too long first post lurked for a while i feel like the only thing keeping me from killing myself is it i know it would hurt some people more and more i feel like theyll all be better in the long run without me sorry i just felt like i had to put something out there to someone,1
please dont send me pms i feel guilty that some stranger is showing some kindness and i cant repay them backanyway just a few more days i feel empty ive given myself the liberty to do whatever i want for the next couple of days but theres nothing i want to do you know ive given up trying to finish my reading list i read a sentencesometimes a pageand then close the book i even bought the vc pokemon silver thinking well might as well but i regret buying it now i dont know whyi amtyping thisi amjust bored i guess well more restless than boredi amprobably not thinking things through againmaybe the rope i will buy wont be able to hold my weight maybe someone will find me before i die maybe i wont even get that window of opportunity etcin terms of planning i dont have much to think about i had one constraint at firsti didnt want my grandma to know i had killed myselfbut recent events has made me realize i dont care about that anymore my parents will probably hide it from her anywayi feel weird likei amjust faking this ive thought about suicide countless of times before but i was always sad or angry nowi amjust content likei am not sad enough or angry enough to even think of suicide but here i am anywayno i dont want to do anything about it i know youre thinking i wouldnt be posting this if i didnt want help but i just want to leave this here like a note of some sort obviously this still doesnt explain why but i want people to know i had thought about this for a while and it wasnt a spurofthemoment thing,1
somehow i made another dayi am tired i think this is how people three times my age feel when they are lying in the hospital taking their final breaths just ready to be done i constantly have to fight back against my gender dysphoria and depression ive wanted to die since i was in grade school and the urge has just gotten stronger with age exhaustion is the best way i can describe what i feel i dont see the point or why i should get up tomorrow i made an attempt a couple of months back i wish i would have succeeded then and not have to continue on with the daily debate a bit of background about me i was raped as a young child by multiple people then a family member found out and used the shame of that trauma to rape me continuously until i left for university i hate myself for not being strong enough to tell someone when it mattered instead i kept everything secret and just let myself be screwed up i am also transgender and experience dysphoria body image issues and self hate on a daily basisi am in a good environment surrounded by people who love mei amlucky to have amazing friends more than i deserve by far but still i just want to die ,1
ive really just fucked up everything ive let myself lose a job that i really liked with people that i loved working withi amnow working overnights which hasnt bode well for me in life before i end up feeling more depressed and suicidal when i work jobs like this but its all i could find ive fucked up a lot of friendships and relationships recently because of my attitude towards the world and my attitude towards others getting mad at people for no good reason and i amguessing its exhausting dealing with me ive ruined the closest thing ive had to a relationship with this guy i doubt hell ever want to talk to me again after what i just got done getting upset at him about and i dont blame him whatsoever i joke about suicide a lot because its how i dealth with my suicidal feelings a few years back but the jokes are becoming reality and i want nothing more than to not be alive anymore i know this all sounds really fucking stupid and i have nothing going on in my life that warrants me wanting to put a gun to my head but i dont know what else to doi ama shitty person that has absolutely no future why keep living life like this fuck,1
i think i will just sleep on it one more night was planning on tonight being the night but i think i will sleep on it one more time just posting this in case it anyone else might be thinking the same,1
it feels more real i think when i first started having suicidal thoughts it was more of a comfort than a plan like if things ever got worse there was always a way out lately it feels a lot more real i cant imagine a life where i dont end up killing myself anymore everything feels pointlessi am not getting better i dont even know whati am trying to say,1
just want to die in two weeks said some stuff i shouldnt have to therapist i just want to die before i need to see the therapist again ive already been looking at legal dosages of things which i know possess serious threats to the human bodyor i move but i have a year left here in hs even thoughi ama legal adult i cant move since i dont have much money when it comes to moving and that all that money would need to go to a name change if i even wanted to board a plane i need to move before 2 weeks if possible,1
i just dont know how to feel anymore i hated my whole life ever since i started becoming conscious my life has been up and down parents always arguing always getting bullied even now in highschool people are using me and then they mock me my girlfriend and mom are probably the only persons i really care abouti am not suicidal but i need help i literally cant take it anymore i dont understand why people are like this i used to be their friend and now they do this to mei amtheir laughing dose of the day they know that if they mock me i get angry and they just laugh at me likei am lifeless,1
getting closer and closer every day thousands of dollars behind on bills rent is due in a couple days and my wife and i cant even stop fighting long enough to talk about how we are going to try and fix things i dont know what to do and i dont want to be alive when we get evicted but then i look at my kids and i just cry part of me doesnt want to leave them but theres a part that just doesnt care i guess ive struggled on and off with the thought of killing myself for at least a decade but its never been this bad before ive always been the kind of person to just run away when shit gets tough but this time i have nowhere to run toplease tell me it can get better please help me see it because right now i just want to be gone,1
i posted on here 19 days ago and very little has changed things have slowly gone downhill despite all thats happened in the past 19 days id say two weeks within those 19 days were fairly unforgettable but i genuinely miss the circumstances in which those two really three and a half weeks were spent the only person i have really any true feelings for is quite hard to get through despite what i vaguely know i dont even know how they truly feel about me part of me says why bother but i know i cant regardless the past fourfive days have been almost a blur ive gone out for walks everyday for five six hours at a time i still feel manage to feel worse i keep coming to the same conclusioni am not sure why i even bother waking up theres a quote by vladimir lenin i read thats stuck with me it seems very relevant but i still dont know no matter what i do or try whats the point just offing myself seems the best option theres very little for me to do other wise suicide amongst a few important things is the only thing on my mind its very tempting at this point,1
why am i so sad 247 halfway past high school i started feeling this way but since my mother doesn t really believe in psicological i willness i ve never really tried to figure out what was wrong now i m a freshman in college and things were getting better related to that subject but since summer everything just got worst i have suicidal thoughts again like do i really matter people would even notice if i m not around would they even care do they care my boyfriend is super worried about me only because we end up fight in my crisis and they affect him so how but he never even asks me if i m okay i end up crying almost every day everything always gets so blue somehow sometimes because of the fights but mostly everything gets so confusing and overwhelming in my head that i can t help to be mad or cry usually both i want help but will a talk with a psychiatrist really help he will give me medication but they can make things worst not better,1
i dont deserve to be here the horrible shitty thing ive done makes me want to die every single day thati am still here i dont know how to make all the voices in my head stop i dont know how to be okay i have no onei amlosing my mind with all this shit going on in my head and i cant stand it anymore ,1
that voice inside your head what does it say to youi ve been in counseling and heard it described as intrusive thoughts and inner monologue it s suggested that the voicevoices and phrases you constantly repeat in your head is depression itself almost like a separate entityi m curious what phrases other people hear when they are in their lowest state here are some of minepeople would be better off without you you re nothing it will only get worse you only cause others pain you re a failure you re worthless just give up you deserve to die life is not worth it anymore what s the pointso what are some other things that run through your mind when you are seriously contemplating suicide perhaps if we see others going through something similar it can help us all know we are not alone,1
its all over tonight its over today no more excuses no more waiting ive had suicidal thoughts for at least 10 years nowwithout anyone noticing or even caring i have never been in a serious relationship and everyone of my mate has told mei am an embarresement for my family at least once in a fight or somthing along the lines and they are right everybody who blamed me of being lazy and idiotic and of no use is righti hope you have a better shot at life i seriously do ,1
amat the psychiatrist rn he always makes you wait like an hour to see him for 5 minutes and by the time i get into his office i just want to leave i dont feel like elaborating on how my nightmares have been getting worse how i havent deleted the suicide note on my phone from months ago just in case how i havent been sleeping well etc i just feel like even wheni am not suicidal in the moment its always going to be an inevitability when i eventually die its going to be at my own hands,1
am sorry for thisi amnearly 30 i have a wife and child own a business own a house nothing ever gets better you will always hate yourself you will always want to die please someone tell me something that will help the only thing therapists have done is hurt my credit and made it impossible for me to leave my son a life insurance policy i want to die every day but i cant because i love my son too much everything hurtsi ama secret alcoholici amsecretly diabetic i vomit and shit every morning but i love my son i cant leave him ,1
i suffer in silence this is a burner account as if i posted my main many would mock me for my political beliefs so i created this insteadi struggle with depression it varies in strength sometimes i will have my good days and the others not so muchi am in my 2nd year of nursing school so stress isnt light ive dealt with a lot of physical and emotional abuse as a kid and from time to time it haunts me in flashbacksi am19 male ive tried telling my dad whomi amon good terms with about how i dont feel right and he just shrugs it off he attempted suicide about 9 or so years ago from battling depression himself he doesnt like talking about anything in that aspect so i feel isolated i suffer in silence as soon as i mentioned it to a friend ive had since growing up they distanced themselves from me i tried counseling talking to other people making new friends talking doesnt resolve the issue lately ive been having severe intrusive suicidal thoughts and i feel at this point if i dont find a way to numbtreat the pain i feel like something dire may happen i feel so isolated even thoughi amsurrounded by faces if that makes sense to boot on that i have almost daily migraines ive tried a slew of medication but nothing seems to help so its a constant cycle of either emotional or physical pain i dont know what to do anymorei didnt know where to post so i posted at as well,1
am i all alone here hello this is really hard for me but i ama 34 year old male and i am struggling to cope with the ever increasing thoughts of suicide or the days when my mind decides to start planning on killing people or acting out violent revenge on people who i only imagine are wrong doing me i am currently pn a 5 month waiting list for councelling and anger management at this current time although i have an amazing wife and child and some good friends i have never felt so alone sometimes i find talking to someone who is going through the same thing helps a little to make me realisei am not alone in this world please leave a messagd if you would like to chat ,1
i dont know how to change i feel like it would be better if i just wasnt around sometimes i really think i am crazy looking back at all my past mistakes and trust me there s a lot of them i often wonder how i m even still alive i m sorry to all of you for being so unbearable you deserve a better friend than me and if you chose to walk away from me now i wouldn t hold it against you at all cuz i d walk away from me too,1
i am running out of time options resources i dont know exactly what help i am looking for even as i am writing i dont see the point in anything anymore,1
i post here to say goodbye ,1
the idea of death seems so peaceful i want to do it but i cant and i want it,1
would a bottle of ibuprofen do it i have a whole bottle in my hand if not enough i have access to more pills ,1
something to hold onto over a week ago i had posted on here about how i had reached a stage where i just wanted to end things and that having the option available to me was extremely comforting and it still is those feelings havent disappeared however i realised i could never go through with it whenever i thought about it one person would always pop into my head my nephew i couldnt do this to him i dont want him to grow up without a male role model i dont want him to grow up the way i did i want him to look at me and be proud to call me his uncle i want to live so he can have the best future possible i hope one day i can love myself and i will be working everyday to reach that stage ive hit rock bottom and the only way is up i hope everyone else in this sub can find something to hold onto like i have ,1
i am here again feeling the weight of guilt and the pain of realization ive had a rough couple of years it started with an unknown i willness doctors passed me around like a basketball bouncing me from one test to another never could quite pinpoint what was going on hormones were out of whack possibly autoimmune i got sicker and sicker and lost my jobtried to start a business and i am failing at that failing badly ive ghosted on a client i feel awful i feel guilty i dont know how to recover that relationshipive been hospitalized in a psychiatric unit 3 times in the last 9 months twice involuntary suicide attempts have fucked with my heart its hard to tell if i am feeling i will because of mental i willness or a physical i willness or a suicide attempt or all of the above the red pinprick rashes on my feet and back tell mei am not crazy but doctors could never confirm an autoimmune disorder some days i am completely bedridden and cant function at all because of pain so here i am again considering suicide theres nobody to catch me asi amfalling if i cant make renti amhomeless if i cant make money my marriage is down the tubes its hard to see your dreams fade away as you desperately try to get healthy to no availi amalmost 28 i had plans i had wants and wishes and goals now i cant even get out of bed in the morning without ibuprofen or pain killers of some kind theres really no way this ends well ,1
done hey you need to talk,1
i think i have depression so ive been feeling suicidal for the past 2 or so years i think i have depression how would i go about getting diagnosed for this i dont really want to just go up to my dad like hey so ive been wanting to kill myself for a while now also when i do get diagnosed how would this effect me and my life,1
so tired 24 year old survivor of hellish childhood beaten 315 molested 815 raised by virulent narcissists my whole life my mind is a hellscape constantly and i never get any peace havent felt like living in years and just been too scared to end it harvey rolled through and took everything ive built since escaping my ns house been thinking seriously about a short drop and a sudden stop lately cant get it out of my headi amjust so tired how do i stop feeling like it hurts my soul to continue ,1
i am trying not to violate any rules but we ll see about that i guess thanks edit also i should mention i am not going to read the replies regarding loved ones and a better future i am sorry but i just cant handle them,1
grad school has made me severely depressed and i fantasize about death daily i have told my husband 2x and while he seemed concerned in the moment he never brings it up or asks me ifi amokay i love him and he is a good person but it makes me miserable that the 1 person who should care doesnt do anything and everyone always tells you to talk to your loved ones about this kind of thing but that didnt work for me at all i dont even know whyi amposting here i just want to tell some one that i feel likei amlosing this battle with my mind and i am afraid of myself and what i might do,1
tired ive spent the last 8 months living in hell divorce losing my son in the sense i havent been with him in months and have no means loosing my home and job many many friends ive tried several times medication hasnt helped counseling hasnt helped the hospital made it worse made me feel less than human for feeling like life is meaningless every time i fall i think i will hit the bottom be done falling but it never ends every day is a new pain every dayi am not planning far ahead only far enough to say goodbye to my soni amhere to stay sane long enough to do even that honestly if i could say goodbye and i love him to him now i would be gone the next minute,1
cant stand being autistic i dont know what to doi am24 and have aspergers syndrome i go to college trying to get a good job finishing my associates wanted to go into computer science but i am so fucking stupid i will probably fuck that up too ifi am not in schooli amworking i dont really have friends just acquaintances that come into my life when its convenient for them i feel like such a freak i cant pick up on simple communication cues and never know how to express myself emotionally to people when people are sad or crying to me and expressing themselves i never know what to do or say or even feel i can blame aspergers all i want but that wont change the fact i feel like i dont belong on the same planet as normal people do medication just makes me a robot so i stopped people sayi amhilarious but thats not a trait that will get me anywhere in life and it can be hard wheni amusually sarcastic and people just dont get it my gf of 5 years cheated on me and hasnt spoken to me since i found out the one person i felt safe with is now gone from my life i feel likei am in some sort of glass room just watching everyone else and no matter what i do i cant break the room due to genetics and my failure of a mind should i just end it so i can quit ruining peoples lives and hating my own id rather hope for a second life where i can actually enjoy being a normal person than continue living as a failure ,1
always praying and wishing for death this is going to be long i dont know what to do or where to go ive never felt so lost in my life and i know all the sequence of events that got me here but i was too young to control them and the adults around me too foolish to see themi dont know what i want from writing this but i need to vent ive cried myself to sleep the last few nights and i only want to die i only want deaths sweet embraceif i dig deep back to my earliest memory its me eating a bowl of corn flakes with orange juice there is no earlier memory this was before prek age 4 it was only when i started going to preschool that i realized something was differentparents talked to their kids they hugged them they laughed with them they told them that they love them it blew my 4 year old mind wide open my parents didnt do that my eyes are getting waterymy parents never hugged me never told me they loved me and never gave me affection by any standard in the united states at least i felt no love growing up and watching the people around me it hurti have 3 older siblings our age gaps range from 410 years we grew up like strangers because of our parents yet we lived in the same house my two older brothers always treated me like shit and i was the punching bag i always got the worst of it i never really spoke to them growing upat school i didnt make too many friends i think by the time i hit first grade i was already broken i had no one to talk to at home my parents frequently beat me with wooden spoons hot pans belts metal side too flip flops fists etc my siblings beat mei dont remember having friends i remember loneliness and crippling depressionin 7th grade i was introduced to public school in a new state it was my first time going to public school being brown i was called a terrorist immediately and bullied i tried to defend myself but i was scrawny and weak i used to have so much patience at this time in my lifeit was slowly erodedat school it was just bullying and harassment at home it was just bullying and harassment bullied by peers parents and siblings i only wanted to die i knew i wanted death for a long time at this point but i was too scared i held a knife to myself many times but i was always too scaredi went through middle school and high school creating a facade that i was happy that i wasnt suffering from crippling depression everyone believed it including my family through middle school and high school i probably cried myself to sleep almost every night i had giant bags under my eyes which i still have to this day at 24 i would pray to god on a daily basis to kill me to end it all or help me end it all i went to a private catholic school before 7th grade and being young and impressionable i really believe in life after death i believe suicide will send me to hell which is somewhere i dont want to go i suffered so much in this life already how can i kill myself and go somewhere to suffer for eternity i dont know what i want out of writing this but i just really want to die so badlyi felt better in college i felt less alone but even having a gf or a few friends i still felt itmy baseline emotion at this point was crippling depressioni realized i dont know how to actually make friends i have had so so very few friends in my life i have no one to talk to and loneliness is killing meno one really knows but i partially joined the military after college in hopes of finding that connection people speak ofim looking for that now and i realize its just like anywhere else i still have trouble making friends and i really dont know how to fix it some people i just click with maybe like 1 out of 500 and the rest i just dont have anything to talk about i dont know what to say i dont want watch any sports i dont like that stuffi amweird and i always try and keep that happy facade uplately the loneliness and stress have just been adding up that i cant help but cry myself to sleep i just want a friend i just want someone to talk to i just want to die i pray to god that i can get into some kind of car accident where only i will get hurt and die i pray i can die in my sleep i pray to have a heart attack to get cancer to die some sudden death or get run over i pray that god takes the breath from my lungsi dont love anyone on this planet i have no desire to stay here i have no attachments all ive ever wanted in this life is to have my own family someone to love that loves me back and children to raise properly a real family not the bullshit hand i was dealtbut its hardmy parents let me eat like garbage growing up we never went out to eat but all i really ate was cheese and pasta my body never properly developed if you look closely my head is smaller than most males as is whats between my legs they are both closer to a childs my body even though people thinki ammuscular is soft and pudgy i am undeveloped my emotions are a mess my mind is a mess i dont know what to do with my lifei dont know whyi amwriting this or what i want i just know that if i was offered the opportunity to die i would take it in a heartbeat the only thing that stops me from killing myself is the fear i will go to hell but oh my goshi wish someone would kill me the loneliness and pain in my heart is so crippling it hurts living each day everyday i stop caring about hell just a little bit because i want to leave this world i want the pain to end i want the torrent of emotions in my mind to stopedit i think i know what i want i mean i want friends i want people to talk i want to be normal but i know that takes timefor a while i used to be good at taking my mind off these things and finding an escape but the crippling depression and desire to die has become too overwhelming it invades my every thought i want to know how i can get out of this i want it to stop until death can find me until i die i need these thoughts to be gone i know thats whats good for me but its just so hard when pain and mental despair is all you know,1
this is cross posted from the depression sub and also just because right nowi am not doing so well this is my storyi am34 years old and i have lived with depression for the last 18 years of my life each year it gets worse and worse there are days where i just do not want to get out of bed there are days wheni amoff from work that i do not get out of bed i just lay in bed eat junk and just watch tv or youtube all day long and frankly that is just what i want to do with my time off i dont want to do anything that is extra work i just feel drained and lazy most of the time from my depressionit hurts and what hurts even more is that i do not have anyone in my real life that seems to care i have come out with saying that i am depressed and all i got from my mother wasi am sorry you are sad sadness and depression are two different things she doesnt understand and she is not willing to understand she told me to snap out of it i cant snap out of itmy depression about four years ago really took a nose dive it got horrible and that was the day i learned about mom and dad getting a divorce they told me about it first thing in the morning on my 30th birthday it hurt it hurt a lot to tell me first thing in the morning about it all she didnt stop there she decided to tell me all about my dads new girlfriend and that i also had a new half brotheri felt rotten that entire day this is where people look at me really funny but i found something later that day that did make me happy and something that did make me smile or should i say someonei came home from work and i turned the tv on i sat there for a few moments in this kind of trance because i still couldnt believe what was going on in my life i was suddenly snapped out of that trance as i looked back at the tv the colbert report came on i had never seen it before so i gave it a shot the first thing that ran through my mind was oh he is cute but then later on as i watched it more i began to laugh and smile that was the first time i had smiled that day and in a long time i started to look forward to that feeling every daynow you may laugh at me plenty do ive been called weird and crazy for it franklyi amat the point now that i dont care that is the only thing i have to look forward to every day that is the only thing that keeps me going through the day is getting home and watching him before i go to bedafter a while i did develop a crush go figure anyways on to more about my adventures here i started to get a little bold and i would go to the dirty role playing subs here i would post ads for role plays of where i would want people to play him and help me play out some of my fantasies because i enjoyed that feeling and also it was just something else to engage my brain in something that kept me focused on something i like and not thinking about my depression more and feeling badbut that didnt work out the way that i wanted to it only gained the attention of trolls and they trolled me hard to so hard thati amnow banned from those subs they ruined something that i loved something that gave me a fucking reason to live because my fucking parents sure as hell dont do thathell this post might attract trolls and i know that was just an invite to be honest ive been crying as ive been writing out this post i was told by someone to just start a post here and just write write whatever came to my mind so here it is take it or leave it read it or ignore it laugh at me or dont chances are someone already has,1
why continue i have been depressed for about three years now suicidal for two for a very long time i saw no reason to live in the future i just see no point life is horrible no matter what youre always forced to do something by someone else why is money so important why is education so important you cant survive without these things i have no motivation for anything i got my first girlfriend and had my first kiss at 18 she made me not want to die before she broke my heart i am currently in love with my second girlfriend as much as i genuinely enjoy thinking about a future with her which i havent been able to do in a very very long time i just dont want to participate in this life nothing is fair everything is horrible i am so scared that i will have my heart broken again i just want to leave,1
boiling over ive always been very personal and private about my depression and anxiety i always wanted to keep it all to myself and maybe i could help someone by sharing my story but the time for that has never comei am not embarrassed of what ive done rather scared that no one would be able to look at me the same if they knew the first time i really tried to kill myself i took a handful of oxy and went for a drive expecting not to be able to react it was between 13am on a weekday in 2014 i drove my favorite canyon road by the time i got to the end of the road everything went black and i woke up a few hours later pulled over safelyi am not sure why i pulled over or why i didnt just let myself crash but i didnt the next year i spent most every day on some kind of hard drug intermittently trying to od but it never worked then january 5th of 2015 after a terrible acid trip and even more terrible interaction with people i thought cared about me i tried to end my life i wrote 6 letters to my sister my mom my dad and my 3 closest friends i snorted half a gram of ketamine drank 13 of a bottle of fireball and took all the valium that was prescribed to me that month about 60 pills and slit both my wrists i was living at home with my parents after dropping out of college my dad travels 3 or more weeks out of every month and my mom was staying with my grandmother who was dying and if my dad had time off hed stay with them in california and leave me with the house to myself my parents never knew of my addiction or how bad i had gotten back to january 5th my parents were home but used to me not leaving my room for days at a time and my mom busts into my room at around 3pm on the 7th and pulls open my blinds and yells that its time for me to do something anything and storms out of my room slamming my door and as unlikely as it may seem i came to my sheets were bloody the letters still sat on my night table next to my bed and my mom didnt even look at me or the slew of drugs and alcohol on my night table the only thing i remember from my attempted suicide was becoming very cold and seeing nothing but black until i saw just my own face emerging from the blackness i didnt interact with myself i didnt say anything or rather dont remember saying anything and the peaceful darkness of me staring at my own face in darkness was interrupted by my moms voice of her barging in my room for the next 4 months i went back to school and wore long sleeve shirts well into spring break when i finally slipped my family and i went out for family dinner and i wore a long sleeve sweater and as i reached across the table to grab something my mom saw my scarred wrist i had been waiting for them to heal enough so that i could get a tattoo to cover them up but they were badly scarred and unsightly i never told anyone what happened that night other than telling my mom i tried to kill my self months earlier i have never been afraid of death nor the repercussions of killing myself until my family sat me down and each of them told me how it would have affected them and how it would affect everyone that knew me this didnt scare me but made me feel terrible made me feel even more like a burden and i knew id never be able to escape their fears of me attempting again for the next year i got daily check ins from my family which inevitably slowed as the year progressed and finally the anniversary was upon me again and overwhelmed with emotion i attempted again however this time i just tried to od on sleeping meds and barbiturates i had been living with my best friends and their girlfriends in a house near my school and when i attempted i believe this was the closest i got to death i started having extreme trouble breathing my heart was racing my vision was blurry and i was terrified i made a last ditch effort to throw up some pills after i made myself throw up i passed out in my shower in my room again never told anyone and no one was the wiser that this had just occurredi am not sure how i could help anyone with this story but i always hoped that maybe i could help someone feeling like they cant go on like they are afraid every day that they could take their own life but the truth is i still feel that way after all the therapy ive gone through after all the experiences that have gotten me here i still have a daily thought about how id do it again about how i wont fail next time all the while trying to be there for my friends in their times of weakness and there for my family to try and be the goofy light hearted sonbrother theyd known its just not me anymore and its lonely knowing i have to keep these things to myself so i dont scare or put stress on those around me on those who still care about me ,1
me again not looking to be talked out of it this time i posted here before and was convinced not to end it allowing myself to be convinced was a mistake there are cliffs not far from where i live and i plan to throw myself off them at some point within the next week not looking to be talked out of it just wanted to tell someone whats happening 26 years is long enough and my relatives and friends will no doubt be much happier oncei amno longer there to burden them,1
everything was going so well i didnt hardly have anything to eat last payday i had enough to eat and have gas to get back an forth to work all this payday because i was getting caught up on bills my car loan company took the money out a week early so now i have no food to eat they gave me the we apologize for the glitch in our system but we dont issue refunds i told them i would report it to my bank as fraud then a supervisor got on and said if i did then if i was ever late again they would repo my car so here i sit with no food again looking at a knife and thinking about ending it all i just think about how nice it was last week eating three meals everyday i wanted to go to the food bank but they were only open till 11am and i had to work they dont open till tuesday and close before i get off of work i cant stand going hungry any more i dont know what to do,1
i am alone i have a gun i need a dog my husband is out of town to meet up with some of his fraternity brothers for a football game at their alma mater no pets no kids i am too ashamed of my feelings to call anyone i am okay 80 of the time but i suffer from sporadic bouts of depression that include really intense suicidal thoughtsurges there is a loaded gun in the top drawer of my nightstand for protection my kitchen is full of knives my medicine cabinet has an industrial sized bottle of ibuprofen the liquor cabinet and wine rack hold enough for more than one person i have only told my husband about these feelings once i didnt want to he was driving us to family dinner at my parents house a little ways away and i started feeling the overwhelming sense of uselessness and wishing i didnt exist while looking at the cement construction barrier to my right i was taking deep breaths to calm myself but that isnt an instant fix the tears started pouring down my face and my husband not the most observant although super loving and supportive noticed he thought hed done something wrong he was worried i told him oh its stupid sometimes i get overwhelmed with feelings of uselessness and i feel like the world would be way better without me in it i will be fine it just takes awhile for these feelings to go away he assured me loves me and he would be devastated if anything ever happened to me as would my family my friends my coworkers would miss me and for sure one of my bosses would be absolutely lost without mewhen i was a teenager i would have really vivid dreams in which i would die in some new horrible fashion every night i am not exaggerating it was worse when i would workout its no different now at 28 my mind has gotten more creative it lures me into dreams where my life is perfect then little by little like picking flaking paint off an old door with your fingernails it starts to fall apart if i have a garden the plants start to die or turn poisonous slowly infecting the ground and working its thorny vines into my perfect house and tearing apart everything inside with an agonizing slowness i can do nothing to stop the vines wrap around me and hold me as my husband opens the door i try to scream to warn him but i amchoking they stab him through the heart and slowly crush me while he slumps against the door frame dying once hes dead the vines release me only to fell me with a similar blow before i can escape i die knowing that the vines will claim anyone who comes near the house to check on things when i wont answer my phone or my husband hasnt shown up at the office or responded to clients in days its my fault i planted the garden in high school i had pets lived with my parents and two sisters and had lots of friends nearbymy family is only an hour away but i dont want to let them know whats going on my husband is out of town and i dont want him to worry i have one friend in my new city and i dont know her all that well and i dont want her to thinki amcrazy i feel like someone is sitting on my stomach with one hand on my chest and the other forcing my face to look at the nightstand while listing off all my flaws fears shortcomings and failures i know what they want i know whats in the top drawer just inches below my hand thats gripping its top i am waiting for my sanity to come save me i am typing this hoping that part of myself that wants to live and knows that there is too much to do to die right now shows up soon the part that still isnt my biggest fan but holds way too much pride to let me fail too bad the side of me that says you really shouldnt do that its so weak selfish and shameful think of your mom think of your dad what would they do would you really put them through sorting through all your shit to find some clue you didnt leave your husband would be so ashamed how could he feel okay about having people over to comfort him with all this mess you should get up and clean something this is ridiculous not to mention youre overweight what would they bury you in none of your nice things fit anymore at least lose some weight and clean the house first we can revisit this theni need a dog not even a therapy dog just a dog feeding myself is not reason enough to get out of bed taking care of myself is not enough for me to go for a walk my need and my husbands need to live in a clean and healthy home is not enough to move from our bed but i do have a friend coming over tomorrow night shell definitely think i was crazy if i didnt call or answer the door when she got here if i had a dog though i would have gotten up hours ago to feed it and let it out i am not enough to live for but i have had a dog before that dog was my life i am living to get to a point in my life where it wouldnt be irresponsible or inconsiderate to get a dog life is too busy and uncertain right now and it wouldnt be fair to the dog but i really need one right now edit i need something external to push me from this place because that gun is really close and i am having trouble talking myself out of this edit2 so woke up totally fine thanks everyone who talked to me last night hopefully i wont be back here anytime soon posting about my suicidal thoughts i plan on coming back to help others going through similar situations ,1
i need some help pleasei amsaw my therapist todayi amseeing him again tomorrow morning i dont think i will actually do it but the thoughts are very loud tonight i keep dreaming of doing it music helps me a lot can you please suggest some good songs to help get me through the night i tried to build my own playlist but shit just got dark so quick i want something empowering i dont want to listen to songs that remind me why i want to disappear something to help pull me through tonight i feel stuck i want to die but i am too afraid to do it i dont want to do it but i am really fucking tired of everything i feel trapped like stuck in a constant loop of thinking about it and wanting it and pulling myself back at the last minutei amscared in that moment itll get too much and i will do something stupidi will call my therapist if things get too bad but i really want to do this on my own i have no one else i wanna listen to music and play botw and just wait till tomorrows appointmentthanksalso if there is a better place to post this let me knowi am not trying to be dramatic ,1
possibly going to make attempt 1727272 soon i dont know what to do i dont want to go to a hospital my whole life since the age of 14 has been nothing but fucking hospitals literally all i want in life anymore is to move to rhode island thats it but i doubt i can get another job because ive fucked up my resume really badly from constantly leaving jobs and i amonly getting about 300 from ssi i cant fucking take living with my dad anymore every single one of my days is the fucking same alternate between being in bed on facebook and riding my bike maybe walking around that same damn mall sometimes i have no hobbies becausei am not good at anything i dont even have the attention span to watch shows this is my entire existence my girlfriend is pissed at me because shes not making me feel better i dont know what to fucking do anymore and dying would be so nice compared to this hellish monotony i could finally end this lifetime of endless suffering i dont see amother way out ,1
anyone else feel like theyre treading water until they actually do it ive set a date my birthday on the 2nd of october and i am so determined to carry it out but because i know that date is coming up sooni am so fucking scared i cant take the pain and everyday i say to myself one more day maybe tomorrow shell come back to me but the longeri amwithout my exfiancee the harder it becomes to hold on each day is torture and i amjust so lonely without her i dont wanna hurt her i dont wanna hurt my family or friends but i feel like its my only way out i love her to pieces and i cant live without her i amjust so scared of doing it,1
in july you guys helped me through a suicide attempt i survived and in a better better place what do i do with my note my whole life changed after my attempt for the betteri amon the path to recovery and things are slowly getting easier i probably wouldnt have made it through my attempt without the help of all of you on herethank you from the bottom of my heartmy suicide note has sat at the bottom of my underwear drawer for nearly 2 months now edit i read it again just now and sobbed i cant believe i was in that place the difference between then and now is staggeringi have no idea what to do with itkeep it burn it spit on it did you guys have notes after an attempt what did you guys do with it,1
nothing makes things better i am 26 years old jobless guy who didnt finish his masters degree ironically i actually completed more credits than required but i got c grades or lower in 4 subject as a result of universities policy i was dismissed without the masters degree because i dont have the degree i cant find a job asi am in a foreign country so i just stopped caring about career working etc and havent worked in like 2 years i skated by borrowing money from friends and while i paid most of it back i still got a lot of debt so i stopped talking to people at all and stopped going outside or pretty much doing anything just get up do stuff on laptop eat go to sleep and nowi amabsolutely hopelessly unable to pay rent or even buy food my mom and dad fight all the time and dad has mentally emotionally even physically abused us for years i dont ask money from them coz well i dont want to and they wont give it mom will but not dad and since dad doesnt give her any money she has to work so i cant ask her i havent told them of the terrible situation i am in i think they do care but mostly because it will make them look bad i dont find enjoyment in any of my old favorite things or any present or future stuff many of my friends have found success in jobs relationships etc but since i am so ashamed of myself i cant even talk to them not even to congratulate them no big tragedy has hit me like for example hurricane harvey wrecked houston people died they lost their house cars pets etc but i was completely unharmed by it walked around aimlessly at peak night time but no thug or junkie has ever attacked me stole my wallet phone etc stuff like that i want to end this hopeless life but i simultaneously think it is both pathetic and beyond my strength to do so dont think i will ever be able to jump in front of a car or train coz well i figure if i get hit and dont die straightaway i will be a crippled loser which i believe is worse than just loser i am so done ,1
i dont know why i keep going ive had depression and social anxiety for as long as i can remember i can barely function on my own but ive found i can pull myself together wheni amaround others i fall apart wheni amalone i only really talk to 5 people all of whom have other friends and lives i cant constantly be around them but these thoughts come back wheneveri amalonei am so unhappy with myself that i cant be alone without wanting to die it feels like its getting more and more serious i cant get meds or therapy its complicated i literally cant i dont know if i should even fight it any more how can i go on or should i,1
hello ive been strugling with depression for the past 3 years and ive been suicidal for 2 of those it all went ove the edge when my ex killed herself and left me and her son i was 15 atm and i amnow 19 and everyday is getting harder to get through and all night i get nightmares about either my dads abbuse the rape i went through or my exs suicide i dont know if this will do annything but i just needed to get this of my chest sorry for wasting your time and have a nice day,1
i never got to be a teenager hey everyone hope your night has been better than mine ive been lying in bed for about 4 hours now trying to think of a reason to move but i just cant find onei am20 years old and i disgust myself i cant get a job and my parents pay for my apartment and my college they think that i have a plan to use my major and thati amhaving the time of my life at this school but the truth isi amcompletely lost and alone my grades are fine but i am not on track to graduate or get any internships a death sentence in todays economy i also spend every night locked in my room alone listening to my roommates and neighbors party in a year or soi am going to have to take care of myself completely get a job i hate and be even more isolated than i am now i dont want that i want to be a teenager again i spent my teens being a nerdy straight edge loser i never went to dances in high school never asked out any of my crushes never went on a spring break never got drunk in college never rushed a fraternity never made friends in the dorms never got to experience young lovei missed out on so many parties events and memories during the most important decade of my life and its left me to be an emotionally stunted shell i have nothing to look forward to except work and loneliness because all of the best things in life passed me by whenever i remember all the old young adult stories i read in middle school i can barely believe thati amactually older than all of those characters i feel like a child scared and helplessi amweak unattractive to women and made fun of by guys its all my fault for letting my teens escape unchallengedi am soft lazy and completely outmached by the amazing beautiful and motivated people that surround meif i had just done things differently for the last few years i probably could have had everything i want friends sex career prospects but insteadi amburning away my parents life savings to sit and cry alone on a squeaky bed i dont want to live this life anymore i just want to go back i just want to make things right ,1
am15 and have suicidal toughts since 9 how tf do i do something with my life i dont know why i dont know how i hate the world i hate the peoples i hate myself i hate my culture i hate what i am doingim supposed to be intelligent and i amjust sitting here with no idea of what do i do next i cant have 10 mins without thinking about killing myself and fuck all those peoples who are making me guilty of being depressedi stopped all that was negative no more scarification no more hungerstrike just depression jokes i hat my whole family i hate my whole city my country all the fucking stupid peoples who dont realize how its such a messi am not even englishi amfucking frenchthe only reasoni am not killing myself is my friend he is suicidal i dont want him to kill himself so i dont kill myselfi dont even know whati am doing here fuck that shitsry for bad english loli am so funny,1
no more just no more it is timei amjust so tired of it all misery poverty a terrible home life mental i willness and the inability to improve anything simply due to lack of moneyits clear that i cant escape any of it in life death is the only escape theres no other way i have a method picked out i want so badly to go through with it,1
ive lost my motivation to keep going ive lost all my friends and i amhaving a lot of issues with school i have nobody to go to other than my parents and because of that i always feel really lonelyi am not confident in how i look at all and the thought of people looking at me and thinking about how weird i look is incredibly stressful and just makes me not want to go out at alli have had back pain for months cause of a surgery and my depression makes me never want to exercise or even get up out of bedi am in pain every day physically and emotionally and i dont know how much longer i can take of it ive dealt with my depression for a couple of years now but its starting to break mei know i should just stop complaining and be grateful for what i have but its so hard i feel like i have nobody to talk to anymore and i amalways in so much pain that i never want to get up and do anything school stresses me out so much it drives me insane i dont know what to do about it or about anythingi know this sounds stupid i just dont know where else to goi am sorry my parents are really the only thing that has kept me from killing myself i want to live for them but its really hard to keep going and yes they do knowi amdepressedi havent used reddit much sorry if i screwed this up somehow,1
just want someone to listen ive had thoughts of suicide since i was very very young i hang in for my mother and sister but i amfucking tired i just wanna lay some shit on the table get it out of my head off my shoulders ive tried friends family therapists maybe a stranger can hear mei am so stuck inside of my own head all the time i miss entire conversations whole days go by that i cant remember becausei amlocked in with myself i have to get outi am not begging but if someone could just fucking hear me i think id feel better ,1
i dont want me here and no one else does either so i guess i gotta just debate tacticsive already failed a few times with sleeping pills and id just get screamed at if i failed with thembut physical manners are just so much more shameful to live with if i fail because then its like everyone can tell at a glancei ama useless fuck who cant even end it rightim sorry i really do want to end iti am sorry i just keep failing and i cant even do this right,1
big party tonight tonight is one of my best friends birthday party i am depressed as hell someone tell me how to look ok when i want to jump in front of a car,1
everybody of my relatives and my friends think thati ama very happy person but i would commit suicide this week no one knows who much pain ive fall for the last 6 years ive never spoken with anyone about my pains i dont have this one who can hear to me and understand my pains i hope i got the chance to speak with a trust one for just a half of hour before killing my self because there is apart of my mind tells me dont and i dont need to break my parents heart or left this world with shame footprintim sorry about my english ,1
thank you to this community and a message for those currently in pain ive come to this board every couple of weeks on numerous fake accounts during the past year the suicide hotlines i tried never answered after two hours on hold but every time i made a post here someone replied within the hour and it always helped some of the worst and lowest moments of my life a user or two would comment a paragraphwould i still be alive if not for this boardi am not sure but even if i would be this place made a huge difference for me so thank you all endlessly who tune in here to help out some people in their lowest points you are saviorsi havent had to post here in two months since then ive swam in the rivers of the smokey mountains explored caves seen an underground waterfall visited beautiful art exhibits started going to music festivals and clubs again made new friends traveled to great forests and beaches and i amworking hard to be able travel further and see morebefore this my depression consumed me i was unable to eat i would force myself to sleep by using pills the moment i woke up because i couldnt stand the pain of being awake i was getting terrible marks in school and was on the verge of getting put on academic probation my family life was becoming a pit of screaming toxic meat my girlfriend was cheating on me all sorts of extra bad thingsbut life can change very quickly as fast as it all falls apart it can just as quickly fall into placei amglad i didnt end my lifei amglad this board was here to prevent that you all will be too i promisethank you all ,1
what is out therei ama 21 year old male i should be in love with life i should have groups of friends i should be healthy i should be out doing things kids doi have spent 14 of the last 24 months crippled in bed be it due to depression or the medical issue i have had reoccurring on top of this i found a deep connection recently with a few people i have been friends with for years onlinei recently got another surgery that will keep me in bed for months and it sent me into a tail spin of depression and i am going to end my life if i cannot fix how i am feeling all of my friends seem to have abandoned me we used to spend hours upon hours playing league of legends together and now they have a new friend group that i simply dont mesh well with but they said oh well i dont belong with any group of peoplei amlonelymy girlfriend of 7 years hasnt spent one single day with me during any of the 4 surgeries i have gotten that have kept me in bed for months at a time and it destroys my spirit because she has always been my rock life is so short for me i have toiled for months trying to get it on track and every single time i get nearer to my destination something comes up and delivers a swift kick to the nuts and tells me good tryi dont need responses i dont need attention i just needed to type this somewhere thats anonymous somewhere that people can read it and think about it dont let life get ahead of you friends it sounds full of it coming from someone who is on the brink of ending themselves but we have relationships in our lives that are important for us to cultivate please do what you can to keep those dear to you safe and know theyre loved i hope everything goes well for you guys if i never reply to this againi am sorry lydia and i am sorry andrew you guys rockedi amawful love you all,1
i dont want to do this anymore i feel like a failure just for posting here but i feel like i need to tell someonei dont know that i love my wife i feel more likei amaddicted i dont want to live without her but i dont want to live the same life she wants to she loves having a shitload of animals on a farm to either take care of or neglect whichever she has time for theres no compromise theres no other solution if i divorce then i get fucked by debt and most likely alimony if i stay then i remain miserable and unable to improve my situation at all i hate most of her friends i never get to see her due to her spending days we have off together with her friend for their business i dont think shes cheating she throws placating statements and occasional sex my way because she knowsi am not happy but i frankly dont believe she caresbut beyond that no housework no dishes vacuuming laundry only when necessary cleaning etci amthe only one who does anything and i am too depressed now to even keep up on everything so the place is going to shit no farm work unless she feels like it or its absolutely necessary doesnt feed the animals expects me to do all the yard maintenance building clearing etc keeps a fuckton of worthless junk that she plans on fixing up to sell at some point but shes never going to has a business that she thinks is going to make a bunch of money but her and her friendbusiness partner are stupid about how they spend their money and their business policies are bad so they make almost no money for how much work theyre putting in has two other businesses that are just complete money pits because she wants a hobby none of the money from her job can go towards us because it all gets spend godknowswhere so i end up paying all the billsim so goddamn depressed when i woke up this afternoon i just laid in bed and fantasized about several easy ways to just slip away because i cant just up and leave without causing even more pain to myself this way she gets a life insurance payout and can find someone who wants to do this shit forever and has no other ambition and i wont have to deal with this shit anymore i havent even heard from her today since she walked out of the house this morning,1
readyi amready to goim sick of mentally going round in circles all while knowing i will never be normal i have aspergers syndrome as well as chronic sensory issues as if being born with something people equate to being retardedi amconstantly fucked by information that doesnt bother anyone else because of this i cant function normally without draining myself of energy every day one of the biggest being touch things that i touch or touch me feel extremely irritating and ticklish it feels like someone is molesting me and scars me mentally i cant escape iti know i will cause way more pain by killing myself but i cant go oni amconstantly tortured by voices in my head touching me and whispering in my ear trying to rape me in my sleep theyre stuck inside my head forever so ive decided to get rid of them permanently i feel at peace knowing this pain will be gone sooni am not afraid to die anymore peace,1
this is the most i could do firstly if you are thinking of sending help please don t as much as i admire you re noble intentions it s much too late for me i ve tried getting help it s not meant to be as the mental health services as has my doctor have concluded that i m not unwell enough based on my past achievements also i ve not decided to end my life right away but rather i ll do it after i ve tied up a few loose endsi have been doing my research and my conclusion is that for me this will be best for me i m autistic i lost both my parents i was an only child and therefore i no longer have any family i was a full time carer for my mother for 15 years she was disabled and very sick but my efforts to save her failed i completed my duties as her carer and her son but these past two years living for myself brings me no purpose no happiness no hope just loneliness and a newfound drug addiction that brings me some comfort and pleasure in my lost existencedue to my aforementioned autism i have difficulty forming relationships as if being gay wasnt difficult enough people i do meet after talking to them online like the sound of me but don t actually like me in person and so don t give me a chance i m in my early thirties and i ve never been in a relationship that has made me happy including friendships i m also living with the effects of abuse i m no longer being abused however i find myself ruminating about the past and have never truly healed from itrather than suicide i see this as an act of euthanasia the first time i tried to accomplish this task it resulted in me laying unconscious for a few days in my house that i lived alone in it may not be a natural death but to me it feels natural either existence ceases or i ll be reunited with all the loved ones i lost and we can be a family again but one things for sure this is the end of my existence that i fought to exist in to the point of exhaustioni don t know why i m posting this i suppose just so there s a record of my thoughts out there somewherethank you for reading,1
i feel likei amcrazy i feel like i have something seriously wrong with me i cant tell if its just depression and anxiety anymore i dont feel right i dont enjoy anything anymore my head feels cloudy i feel jealous of other people all the time over small trivial things i can never express how i feel when i look at my selfies i look mentally disturbed i think thats iti ama very mentally disturbed person i lack empathy i lack the ability to see things through others eyes i waste all my time away doing nothing i have no goals i feel like i have no confidence in my abilities physically i always feel awkward as if my muscle memory doesnt existi amvery noncaring towards other people my family included idk i need to see a professional i feel so powerless as if nothing in my life matters i often worry about my health wondering why i have heart palpitations all the time and why i feel like i constantly have coldallergy symptoms honestlyi amafraid to go to the doctors becausei amafraid i have cancer or some terminal i willness sometimes i worry its cancer in the brain and thats why i havent felt like myself for so long i have very little control over my thoughts i have very little control over my facial expression i just dont knowi amreligious i believe when we die we go somewhere better with that in mind i just think whats the point in living ifi ameventually just going to die anyways and in all likelihood that death will be horribly painful and gruesome life just feels likei amwaiting for that horrible terrifying moment nothing seems to matter when things do seem to matter they just dont stick i cant stop questioning my worth skill and abilities i feel like i can sympathise with people who commit mass shootings not that i would ever do something so terrible but i feel like i know how those people felt they felt useless and defeated nihilistic and jealous filled with a kind of hatred towards the world and other people not because of something other people did to them but because of the toxic feelings other peoples lives brought about within themselves they stopped caring they snapped i will never snap but i sympathize with how those killers felt the average person writes them off as crazy they werent crazy they were just mentally weakened by their own thoughts and life experiences idk this whole thing is nonsensical it feels like today there is a boulder resting on my body a metaphysical boulder that only i can see and feel ,1
welp this is the end i am such an idiot i am such a colossal idiot i had a perfect job was about to get hrt and see my fiance and i blew it i fucking blew it i took a purse out of a trashcan now the company wants me to pay it back and fired me in the process ontop of my already massive student debt i was also thoroughly humiliated through the processthis is it either tonight or tomorrowi amtaking a gun to my head and pulling the trigger i will never live this down i cant pay it back and itll probably be on my record forever so i guess this really is the end i fucking knew things were going to well i knew things were going to well for me not to fuck it up in some colossal fantastic waygoodbyei amdone this is just where it stops this stupid story has gone on far enoughi amgetting rest,1
here i go again expectations are a bitch i will tell you that just got my grades for the midterm and it fucking sucked this is my third times repeating the first year of collegei ama fuckup no other way to look at itive written down reasons for myself on why killing myself soon is better than trying to slog through lifei wont let people down anymore wont be disappointing elders and friends everyone thinksi amsmart and have what it takes but fuck that ive been stuck in the same level of college for so long all my high school classmates are going to be seniors next year and here i am stuck in first year people will always know me as that guy who got left behind when i was still in high school and middle school i was an honor student but look at me nowi ama fucking good for nothing stupid guy i wont be wasting my parents time and money on me anymore i feel like staying alive is just a waste to their money sorry for all the money theyve spent on me this fari ama good for nothing people have been trying to help me and i dont really appreciate what they do for me i mean i accept what theyre doing for me but what does it even matter fuck maybe killing myself i really the way to go people wont expect anything of me anymore and dont say it gets better thats what people expect been telling me for sometime but no r what i will always be a fuck up and you cant change that i dont know if i can even change myself expectations are a bitch i will tell you that,1
i dont know man my story is pretty pathetic ive dug myself this social hole where i literally have no one and no one will even approach me i had one good friend and she got upset with me because she didnt want to hear about my problems anymore and so i stopped bringing them up but i was struggling so much i couldnt talk to anyone and she gave up on me and hates me now i had a girlfriend and she honestly made the world light up for me and then she broke up with me and now ive got nothing left ive been on a downward spiral for over a year and i just feel so alone i have nothing going for mei amconsidered gifted but my motivation has run so dry that i can barely pass a class and i amuseless at basically any life skillsi am going no where in life and it hurts because i just need someone to be there for me i cry myself to sleep every night and no one could give less of a shit about me the only reason i havent killed myself yet is because i cant figure out a way to make it quick and painless i just want the hurting to end i dont want to cause morei dont even know what i hope to achieve by posting this i just want to shout my problems into the void so maybe someone will hear me,1
i have tried everything and plan to give up tonight is there anything i could do that i havent ive tried ketamine treatments antidepressants even went to therapy this past week yet here i am crying hanging a noose in my closet i really tried to survive is there a treatment that ive missed and would have benefitted from ,1
flashback i just looked at the knife block in my kitchen and i remembered a time when i was 11 or 12 or maybe younger but i grabbed a knife and i was holding it on myself because i wanted to die and that was when i was a kid and now i m hardly an adult and it s all making me cry,1
i am going to try to express myself honestly because i dont know where to turn right now please forgive the lengthsome context i am 19 i am a man and i am in college i have been struggling with depression social anxiety and suicidal thoughts for 3 and 34 years i have been hospitalized 3 times and been involved with some form of therapy for a large part of that time period i attempted suicide once and almost attempted quite a few times thereafter i went to college at 18 and these same feelings resulted in me losing my scholarship and being forced to transfer closer to home damni amprivileged as shiti feel likei am going insane because of how quickly i fly from a really good mood to planning my suicide these past few days have been rough with this chemistry lab that i keep missingi amalmost certain that i dont have bipolar but the thought of untreated diagnoses or of mistreated diagnoses scares the shit out of mei amalso afraid of getting involved with medicine becausei amafraid of what my parents would think since they seem to think thati am doing better even thoughi am still having similar problems as the last college i also dont want to mess with meds while my attendance at my current college is so tenuous i am on academic probation you see i wouldnt want to jeapordize the future while trying to get betteri am really lonely and meeting new people make me extremely uncomfortable i am so afraid that they would reject or ridicule me for experiencing depression and anxiety as incessantly as i do even though i recieved positive responses from everyone ive shared this with except my parents the social anxiety gets to the point where i wont leave my room unless i know my roommates arent there because i dont want them to see me and my sordid condition the fact that i am anxious makes me so upset that i think about killing myself because i dont see myself ever getting past it even though i have made considerable progress since a year ago it still feels likei am going nowhere and i know thats emotional reasoning but it still hurts so much when it feels like ive made no progressi get furious and hopelessly sad to the point of tears when i see people who are doing better than me like my roommate said i shouldnt compare my chapter 1 to what could be someone elses chapter 20 but i feel so angry at myself and everyone else when i see people who seem socially capable when i cant even look strangers in the eye on the way to class i also feel so upset when i hear people tell me that it will get better because they really dont know it could always get a lot worse and then i could finally kill myself they sound so goddamn presumptuous as if they dont know how condescending that sounds it makes me feel so broken and stupidcan i talk about how hopeless i feel i am really concerned as you might imagine i dont have a significant other i feel hopeless about ever forming that type of relationship with someone because my depression social anxiety and suicidal thoughts are things that will never go away for me and i ampretty sure that no one would want to start a relationship with someone like that so it follows that i have thoughts that i will never be able to form that kind of relationship while being honest about how i feel to that other person i feel likei ama quivering baby that no one could feel anything for but pity i feel likei ama broken egg trying to hold myself together and i ampretty sure that i have to be more secure in myself before those kinds of relationships of course the perpetual nature of my bad mental stuff leads me to believe that i will never be secure in myself and that i can never get a significant otheri knowi amyoung but ive made a lot of mustakes that make me wish i had jumped off of rhe manhattan bridge when i had the chancei am really afraid to talk to my two close friends about this because i want to respect that they have problems too i also get distorted thinking that leads me to believe that no one really cares and no one wants to hear my problems i mean in a way it is true insofar as no one wants to hear the bad news of heyi amfaring very poorly but i also understand thay theyd rather recieve that bad news than the worse news of hey your friendacquaintance temporalindifference has been found dead by suicideits just so damn hard for me to think clearly when i feel as bad about myself as i doand of course as with a lot of my type the only time i can escape any of these feelings is eheni amplaying video games masturbating listening to music or painting my wh40k figurines ei things that i can do alone and as we all know none of these are good reasons to live in themselves so i get this creeping sense of delaying my inevitable suicidei remember seeing this question on this therapy intake form that said something like how likely do you think you are to die of suicide it was a question i have never heard before and maybe i misread it i feel like my suicide is as inevitable as my depression is chronic,1
its just too much to bear anymorei am too weak for this i was not cut out for living in this existence i was never meant to be here i dont belong here i am too weak there is no place for me here my emotions are too strong for me to bear i cannot go on living like this the pain is too much i am nothing fuck everything make it end please,1
so i wont turn 27 like thisee i tried and tried to get better turned to numerous therapist went into the hospital and had several medications when i am feeling better shit happens i have lost my splen have morbus meniere depression anxiety ptsd and adhd i get been rejected by all the girls i ever liked i got beaten and mentally abused as a child on a daily basis so whats left for my then to accept the pain wont fade i gave me self another year last year worked my ass off i failed now i will hurt my friends but enough is enough,1
am trying to die ive written on another thread about my recent break up and i just simply cannot get past it what even is the point anymore all i can think about these days are different ways to die i get in a taxi or a bus or a train i chant to myself kill me kill me kill me i intentionally walk slowly when i cross the road i stare down buildings looking for the best way and the quickest way to end my life the only thing stopping me right now is knowing how devastated my family will be when i do it but honestly all i want to do right now is end the misery that is going on in my head today i found out my ex is on tinder barely a week after the break up we were supposed to get married we were engaged we were living together but everything is just gone just like that wow he truly cant wait to replace me am i that bad ,1
am so scared to kill myself but i see no other wayi ama 17 yo boy i always help anyone i always give everything what i have i never asked for help or anythingi am trying my best but i am still fucking useless i want to die so hard since years i have nothing to live for i hate everything and everybody nothing seriously nothing and nobody interests me i cant get excited about girls anymore human body is disgusting i just cant think about sex more it makes me sick i hate talking because everybody so fucking selfish i just stopped talking with people some years ago they ask but i know they dont really care about whati amsaying thats why my environment thinks thati ama totally okay quiet kid and they will be surprised when i kill myself i feel thati amthe worst i dont think i deserve to have relationships with other people i deserve to die slowly and painfully i hope i get cancer or something like that rarely whenever i think someone is nice and may shehe can be my friend or wtf i always think about how many other friendsgirlfriendsrelativesfamily members shehe can have and i amgetting feel myself useless because why that human want to me if they can have other friends who are definitely better than me thats why ive got nobody who loves me except my mom but i hate her because she loves me i didnt ask her to take care of me shes just making my life harder i can be dead now years ago if she didnt make me feel remorse about iti amwaiting for my mothers death so then finally i can kill myself easily i never asked for attention and i still dont want it i hate it but at least one time in my life i want to do something selfish suicide and i just cant fucking do thati am so scared about it i make plans about it every nighti ambegging for a surprise accident or whatever what can kill me just kill meactually i dont need help i dont want to get better i dont need answers i just have to tell someone what i feel so thank you i know i will kill myself by a train i just dont know when maybe today or tomorrow but i said it 2 months ago too so maybe i can survive 2017 but when i finally have one more reason for it i will do it,1
i don t really feel anything i just want to die i can t do anything i need to do and i think it s more practical to give my body back to the earth than to live on hurting it more and fighting off the inevitability of death i crack smiles and i participate in meaningless conversations with my parents and people at school but it s not me it s just the shell of the human i m keeping alive when the actual person inside me wants to die i cried when i first considered seriously killing myself again but i cried for maybe 30 seconds and then i went numb and now i m here i ve already attempted to take my life once in the year following i has motivation to live i had emotions that made me feel warm and strong and now it s all gone and i just feel like a void i m losing weight because i have no desire to eat and no motivation to get help from family or friends or medical professionals i don t even know how i d bother to kill myself because i m in such an apathetic state,1
i just tried to kill myself i tied the belt around my neck and the top of my dresser i wanted to know if i could go through with iti am too tall to fully hang so i relaxed my body and closed my eyes within a couple of seconds my arms and legs were tingling and i started to fade out my brains natural reaction was to stand up and save myself after some googling i found out that if i had waited just a couple more seconds to go unconscious i wouldve died within 20 minutes no one would know i live alone in an off campus university apartment my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me and said she just didnt want to be in a relationship right now and that down the road we could try again i know shes lyingi amoverwhelmed with university things and i can barely take care of myself at my apartment i wish i wouldve gone through with killing myself its the only solution i have to all my problems ,1
greedy cynical pathetic moody selfish asshole i am matt i am 19 years old it all stems from incest done to be my brother growing up but at this point it can t be changed my views are part of me theirs nothing for me nothing to be done or changed i have tried therapy group sessions religion but the only thing that numbs the pain is drugs and alcohol from the age of 12 i remember thinking i don t know when or how but i am going die from self inflicted suicide and it s the truth that s also around the time my substance abuse issues started i don t know why i can t let myself be happy i hate myself to the very roots i hate people and i can t stand their company i can t stand even looking anyone in the eye i can t enjoy simple things like sex or conversation or a beautiful fall day anymoreat the end of the day we our all just self righteous apes we fuck we eat we sleep and we look out for ourselves like i said i have a substance abuse problem this started from an early age marijuana was my drug of choice and i thought i was happy hell maybe i still would be if i could enjoy it but it changed on me so now i drink heavily and will use pretty much any downer i can get my hands on what bothers me the most is am with the most amazing girl i love her but yet i resent her i resent her for expecting more of me i reset her for not letting me sit in my room and play video games all day the funny thing is in my fucked up world i don t think she s good enough for me me the socially inept angry bitter retard she deserves so much better and i wish i could give her more i rely on my mom and grandparents for everything and in return i am a moody irritable asshole i have know aspirations know hope for the future the only things i really care about are my dog and cat and yet i have failed them both because they both have gum disease that i will rely on said family members to fix i often fantasize about being gunned down suffocating myself hanging myself or blowing my head off it calms me and gives me solace i hate who i am i hate the world i inhabit i hate that i treat all the amazing people around me like burdens on my back i am not meant to be here man that is all i know sorry to ramble ,1
i 16f need someone to talk to i don t feel comfortable posting the details but i think i m ready to talk to someone about it please pm me or comment if you re versed at all in the effects of rape incest sexual abuse etc don t message me if you re looking to get off on a kid being taken advantage of find your porn somewhere else i m really struggling and i can t do this alone anymore i can t stop fantasizing about ending it all right now but i know it would be a mistake,1
my last attachment is gone so why shouldnt i my best friend has stopped giving a shit about me what i thought was the closest friendship ive ever had one that would actually last for once has crumbled for no reason other thani ama sad worthless useless piece of shit its a miracle she ever cared completely i willogicalmy best friends always leave i should be used to it by now but how tf you supposed to get used to betrayal i thought this time was different i never felt so close i was actually coming out if my shell and she dropped me like the worthless sack of flesh i am and i amsupposed to what just try again like a shitty fucking video game oops game over try again next time i dont think i can anymore so someone please why tf shouldnt i she wont care noone cares i could delete myself out like a useless redunant leftover line of code and noone would miss me everything would keep running and whats the point of living the same painful 6 months over and over again hope caring and betrayal hope caring and betrayal why should anyone live through that,1
its all downhill from here long i went to one of the best high schools in my state i got okay grades made some friends and generally just tried to get through school unnoticed i was depressed for most of high school but i never had any suicidal ideations just selfharm i went to a local college where i was going to study engineering it wasnt my first choice since stem subjects arent my specialty but it was what my parents suggested so i went with it i did poorly in my first semester and had a few suicide attempts i stood on a balcony of a tenstory building several times but never got the nerve to jump when i came home for christmas my parents were mad at me for hiding my poor grades from them and i became even more depressed i stayed in bed most days during the spring semester and ended up trying to overdose in april i panicked and called 911 ending up in a psychiatric hospital it was a shitty place and i hope to never go there again my parents found out about my suicide attempt and i told them about my depression so they decided to send me to a therapistpsychiatrist they werent very helpful but i got some meds that at least helped me get out of bed i went back to school in the fall for accounting which my counselor recommended i try after taking an aptitude test school went just as poorly as it had previously though and it was a repeat of last years christmas break i went back to school in the spring but did poorly again this summer i got a customer service job and dropped out of college ever since ive been lying to my friends and convincing themi am still at college even though they never see me on campusif you bothered to read that whole story youve probably noticed a pattern in my life of things getting worse i was always told i could do great things but here i am at 20 going to work at a grocery store at 5 am i dont see my life getting better from here so i only see two possible futures one is where i live out the rest of my life working crappy jobs and leeching off of other people i disappoint everyone around me for decades until eventually i die miserable and alone alternately i kill myself now those closest to me will probably suffer a bit mourn for a little while but eventually theyll move on their lives will continue without me as a burden on them i will be free from worrying about the future and having to deal with my mistakes one of these futures is much more enticing than the other and i amrunning out of reasons not to choose the latter just looking for some outside opinions on what i should dotldr my life is awful and its easier to die now than live in suffering for decades so why not just end it,1
i want to die while watching a sunset on the beachi amonly 15 i have friends and family that love me but for some reason i want to slit my wrists and bleed to death alone i have ambitions i want to learn to play the violin i want to be loved by a pretty girl i want to have crowds cheering for me but its not going to happeni am15 and i think about death every day i hate my family i hate my classmates and i hate my friends i push people away and i cry becausei amalonei amhopeless and sad and i amgiving up on myself if it gets to be too muchi am going to go to floridai am going to find an empty beachi amto by a chair and some razor blades and i am going to slit my wrists and watch the sunset and its almost too much,1
18002738255 i have this number memorized by heart as if it were a part of me i dial it and sit there thinking phone in one hand and knife in the other my girlfriend whos still with me said out of the blue last night while were talking and joking that were two different people and she cant picture us being together i then told her to think about the fact that she loved me and she asked but do i i told her shes the only one i want and i wont give up and she proceeds to ask but are you the one i want half an hour later she says she loves me then 15 mins after that she said dont try to change just because she doesnt picture us togetheri amsitting here with my best friends knife and hotline youd love them they kill me i dont know if this is my last words and my goodbye to this world but i might as well leave some form of record if it is,1
i read something here the other night and i amafraid it inspired me first time posting 20somethingfi amthe first person to sayi am not suicidal but man am i depressed and feel better off dead i read a post i found in the depths somewhere the other night it was from a train operator requesting people not kill themselves by means of the railroad because of the trauma it inflicts on the operator while i understand that this post finally gave me what i was a looking for how i can surely end my lifei have been struggling for normality and comfort in my life for quite sometime after my life suddenly crumbled to a pile of constant spontaneous combustioni am not really sure where to begin there if someone asks i will share but i could honestly write a book as the world turns in my universe and people would think i was a good writer ive been seeing a psychologist for almost 3 years now she is very helpful but she cant change my chemical imbalance and she certainly cant fix the shithole that is my life i am scared now though because it is sinking in more and more that this is who i am for life i currently live with a railroad in my backyard i literally mean it would take all of 30 seconds to be on the tracks and dead once i heard or saw a train the fantasy of this is so fucking freeing but dont even get started on the nightmare of its reality tldr i am pretty confident i wont lay down on the railroad tracks or kill myself at all but i have fallen in love with the idea of doing so ,1
i just want to die i cant take this life i just cant every problem in my entire life all leads back to because i had to be born male why why did i have to have my life ruined like this i will never get to transition and even if i could i would never pass and no male would ever want to date me no one would want to be my friend because id be referred to as some freak or faggot because the world is a fucked place i cant do anything at all about it its all so hopeless all i can do is stay in bed all day and stay high so the suicidal thoughts arent as bad i can just feel sorry for myself and thats it no one cares about me and thats because i had to be born male i could make people like me i wouldnt be so boring if i couldve just been born in the correct gender i just want to die theres no hope and i am tired of suffering please just make it end please ,1
seriousi ve been having suicidal thoughts for the past 6 years but i don t think i have depression at all is it dangerous to think like this on a daily basis disclaimer i won t kill myself and i don t have the courage to do it i ve been having these suicidal thoughts for about 6years or so it literally happens every day mostly before sleeping and waking up but i don t think i have depression at all i ve done those depression questionnaire and it says i am less likely to have depression it really bothers me sorry for bed english it s not mother language ,1
am really concerned about my boyfriend weve both midteens been dating for around a year and hes been struggling with mental i willness and social issues and isolation almost his entire life hes talked to me about his past traumas and suicide attempts and ive tried to make sure he feels heard and understood sometimes hed get really drunk and high and tell me about when hes planning to kill himself it had been in spring then summer hes told me hes only stuck around so he wouldnt fuck me up but very recently hes relapsed with self harm and been very quiet and withdrawni am really worried about him hes so much more valuable than he knows hes been diagnosed with several mental i willnesses including depression generalized anxiety adhd and some type of schizophrenia recently his hallucinations have been getting worse he is not receiving proper treatment every time he and his parent go to a therapist they put him on the same medication that does nothing to help him because hes at risk for addiction so they give him the least a usable medication so he stops taking it after a few months and goes back to self medication with recreational drugs and alcohol i really do believe hes trying to do the best he can a lot of the time and recreational drugs are the closest he can get to what he needs after most of our mutual friends moved away hes been really alone and i amworried thats worsening things for him i try to tell him how much i love him and how even though he might not see it that hes smart and loving and valuablei am trying to be there for him but i amworriedi am not doing enough or being smothering what can i do to help him id do anything to make him feel better thank you ,1
am going at 3pm todayi am so done and i have nothing worth living for,1
amstanding above water on a bridge goodbye hi thanks for reading my last wordsim only 18 almost 19 and my life is about to end what a shit life ive had yes many have had worse but they are not me fuck my family thinksi am going the shop and will be back in about 20 mins guess i wont be dont know why i turned out like i did ugly pathetic and weird well i must be weird because i have no friends and never had a girlfriend i never fit in with anyone you might hear this on the local news around newcastlei am sorry if you do but just thinki amfinally at peace and then smileim gonna jump nowthanks riley,1
ruined my own lifei am already feel deadi amjust not pronounced yet my first memory was my dad telling me hes moving out of my house although still in contact with himi amforced by my mother and father to pick sides one of my sisters sided with my dad the other with my mom and i amstuck in the middle police calls and fights lasted for years and i hated every minute of my life i had no friends i could take to about my problems but i was too young to even think about suicide then i met the love of my life at the young age of 16 my life had purpose again i told her my whole life story and i loved doing it because she actually cared year after year she was still there for me and i felt like i had a reason to love my only good memories in my life are along side her 4 years later we broke up because i lied to her this is when i really died when you have no one to talk to you get used to it but when you had someone to talk to that is now gone forever and its all my fault well you dont get used to that so nowi amall alone in my life and plan on ending it ,1
when i was younger i swore to myself that i would be famous that i ll be an actor and a director i swore i ll do everything it takes no matter how difficult it gets i always wanted to be everything a cop a soldier a homicide investigator a psychiatrist everything but if i m an actor or a director i could live those lives or at least tell that story as a director producerwhen i went to do my diploma i swore to myself that 3 years from now on internship i m gonna do so good and impress the people there i swore i ll do everything and do my best of the best to get known for my skills i swore i ll do so good i ll be employed by the company right after internshipnow i am on internship at quite literally the biggest media company in my state i didn t apply for the position in fact i didn t apply for any i didn t care where i went i don t see the point anymore i made a horrible first impression to them by coming to the interview late and my first day late i guess one of my lecturers who had me when i was in my prime referred me to them of course way back when i was offered several scholarships one of the honour student in the deans listi m quiet now i don t mingle or talk to people i don t follow them for lunch i don t anything i m either in the studio or outside filling my lungs with cancer the first week itself the vice president of the department i was under asked me to do a side project he talked to me as if he was a client and i had to produce something he gave this job to me because he d seen my portfolio i was good i was good before things went to helli couldn t do it i said yes i ll take the job but i ve lost every grain of creativity in my head to make that happen i mean i was never that creative but at least i was something i m horrible at what i m doing here i know they think i m all talk or i had a lot of help on my portfolio isn t true but they re not wrong for seeing me as an incompetent intern i was in the washroom one day and i thought about it i remember swearing that i ll do so fucking good here i had flair at the point of time i was popular everybody knew me it was easy talking to people but now everything has changedwhenever they asked me what i wanted to do after internship nothing pops into my head i lie and say something to at least give them something last night last night i asked myself where do i want to go what s out there for me and i realised there s really nothingi realised that there s really nothing holding me back here on earth nothing nothing i can t let go of i have no friends i live away from my family i have honestly really nothing my best friend the one i was always there for when he really really felt like shit he s mia i think he thinks i ve had it all settled but it s quite the oppositeso what s the point of living if there s really nothing to hold on to,1
16m most useless boy not man to ever be i cant fucking do shit my entire life is basically just homework video games food verbally abusive parents food and video gamesi cant do anything righti amsuch a fatass and ugly pos and i dont do anything about it besides complaining but i cant do anything elsei am so goddamn chronically lazy if anybody else had my body theyd be hot and awesome as shit but not mei just dont do anythingive already planned to kill myself at college fears making me a little skeptical plus that romantic part of me that refuses to admit there is no hope for mei amthe most useless cowardly ugly worthless pointless fatass piece of shit ive ever met and i dont have the ability to improve,1
my head is fucking screaming at me to kill myself when will this fucking stop,1
i always said that i would never do it and i dont think i will ive noticed that i enter into shallow depressive periods every other 2 weeks plus i am doing no fap which has side effects such as depression i think about kms killing myself but i know that id never do it because i have goals that precede the action of kms this is my attempt to talk and vent about it i just did some research in ways to kms the following includeorthis is not a cry for help or attention this is kinda like a report if anybody feels the same or you dont feel the same then hmu tell me about yourself before your message me,1
lost in an endless sea of utter despondency how can i carry on i have felt depressed ever since i can remember happiness has always been elusive to me its an i willusion thats perpetrated by greed and consumerism school was a living nightmare thats continued on into my adult life i try to hide my depression behind the scenes spending my time volunteering or being creative but behind it lies a sea of nothingness i stopped believing that anything positive i did would have resulted in the same happening to me i volunteer because its the only thing that means i get to see other people who dont have to know the true extend of my worthless miserable existencerecently i have become homeless and i lost my job our only means of income while i was off sick for reasons thati amto o tired to explain i wont be able to find further employment every person charity or organisation we approach just sends us elsewhere is the world so utterly closed off nowadays i have always tried to sort my own problems out and up until now i have managedin light of recent events i have lost all hopei amno one nothing just another hand reaching out from millions of others in the same situation as me i am no one and i deserve no help before the next person i dont think i fit in anywhere i am the cause for all my own problems i have reached the very bottom of my pit i dont have family in the area i live in or any friends who would understand i am the therapist in all my circles but ifi amhaving a bad day i know by experience not to bother them with iti amalso stranded here indefinitely thanks to homelessnessits such a struggle to put down in words just how awful i feeli amfrightened of the thoughtsi amhavingi amsure id never be brave enough to go through with it and yet the ultimate silencing of these voices is so overwhelmingly hypnotici amlost,1
what is the worst that can happen if i commit suicide nothing right i cant regret it or experience the consequences even if my family misses me i wont feel that guilt dying is just so much easier than living the dead dont need to take the sat or get up at 6 the dead dont need to pretend they give a shit about the future the dead need not please anyonehonestly it seems like an upgrade to a life where everything is just a fight to not be bothered by peopleim too lazy for that,1
writing my note you can still turn this aroundi amhere if you need anything,1
i cant connect with people i dont know how to everytime i meet someone i have a genuine connection with i never realize it until theyre out of my lifei am not trying to meet people on redditi amtalking about in person its like the universe just wants me to be alone or maybe its just what i want deep down so that way when i finally work up the courage to kill myself i know i wont be hurting as many people,1
question what is the most painless way to commit suicide,1
i know no one will read this but i amdesperate i guess today i felt like throwing up in the morning stayed home from school and played games but i dont want to eat anything i have pizza from an hour ago that i never touched i dont want to eat i want to diei am not letting myself cry or anything i looked up ways to kill myself and i amthinking of trying to get a noose but i just need rope i want to kill myself to the point that i will steal to get the job done i have no intention of trying to make friends anymorei amonly in the seventh grade and ive been this way for years when i saw my father throw pictures at my mother getting glass stuck in her face i have no love for anyone or maybe i do but i dont know i just have wanted to die for a long time i have never gotten help because i dont want people to say anything to me last year someone thought i was writing notes about suicide and showed the guidance councilor and how i was treated made me feel like i was an upset 5 year old and at that time i had started to think of talking about it but after that i had no intention of telling anyone how i felt i dont give a damn anymore if you say people love me because they donti am not 2 dont treat me that way i dont care anymore go ahead ignore me trying to get help to push myself another few days i dont give two shits so i dont expect you or anyone to read this but hell if i did it and people i know find this then i have one thing to say fuck you,1
i dont know exactly when or how but i know for sure that the end is near i cant do this anymore i dont want to hurt my family but every second of being alive is filled with agony and despair and hopelessness i cant picture being alive for another month let alone living the rest of my life i dont want to feel this way anymore i have nothing anymore i had one thing in my life that made life worth living and after 4 years he left me all alone without an explanation hes already moved on i need to move on too but in a different way i need to move from this earth onto wherever i go next there is only darkness and i cant get through this i cant do university because my mental health is getting in the way i cant even focus and its only been a month i cant imagine graduating and getting a degree when i cant even pay attention in class i try so hard but hes all i can think about and i have nothing else that makes staying alive worth it i dont have a date picked out and i am not sure yet howi am going to go but i dont have much time left before i give up please dont try and tell me it will be okay or get better i cant live anymorei am so sorryi am sorry,1
its just so funny i can post on and get no responses no upvotes at all but plenty of views i post here sayingi amgonna end it all and all of a sudden theres an outpouring of support and people telling me to contact them if i need to saying i need to reach out and get help etc etc etc and its the same shit offline too you tell someone youre depressed and sad and its like yeah okay but when are you but as soon as you say you wanna kill yourself people suddenly care its all for selfish reasons too no one wants to be the one who ignored a suicidal person but its fine to brush off someone before they get to that point like yall do realize that feeling alone and helpless is what pushes people to that point right,1
not yet some day maybe first time posting life has hit a dead end and honestlyi amdisappointed with myself and everything i feel like everything and everyone that once made me happy are fading soon i will be an unfeeling husk i dont want that id rather die than exist without any feeling or meaningi amjustteetering on the edge,1
idk whyi am still here ate a handful of adderala handful of zoloftdrove blackout drunk many many many timescould have bled out driving 90 drunk after an accidentskated into flowing traffic on shroomsfucked with the wrong people too many timesive had my gun in my mouth more than a few timesdozens of situations there was just a flinch between me and 10 yearsi measured the rafters to see if hanging could work it couldbut i dont mean it was i really ever close would i be able to comprehend how close ive come or would self preservation block the memories of being that close to ending myself i want to hope thats not truei want to know and be fully aware but something in me knows it will be swift and more evil than ive experiencedi feel like evil itself will pull the trigger before i know the gun is out,1
nothing will ever be ok its too late for me to make any lasting changes or recover in school for my dream job and everything one after the other has gone wrong its too late to fix anything was it worth taking a shot absolutely is it worth it to continue ,1
first time having suicidal thoughts my depression started when i realized what was happening with me during my childhoodhighschool period my parents were always treating me as if i m not capable of doing things or useless thinking they are doing good thing to me they would presume that i was going to fail or trying to do the work for me to this day they still treat me like i m useless piece of shit and because of that i had never really tried anything to do to prove them wrong because i dont want to prove anyone wrong about something like that recently i ve passed my last exam on my uni i was doing a project in a programing language an online shop my mother was angry on my brother because he didnt do the project for me when she heard i passed she couldnt believe it i have no motivation to be good at anything ive been brought down so many times i feel likei amalone in this and its really hard when your closest cant give you support you need they dont trust me and my skills they keep reminding me of my homework or anything that i have to do because they think i m unable to do it by myself to be responsible for something the moment i passed my last exam i felt huge depression because i expected atleast from my closest a littlebit of faith in me i proved them wrong and that i m capable of doing something right but i dont care about that as i already said i want to prove to myself and i find my parents attitude extremely distracting and demotivatingi am too scared of failing anymore i feel like i wouldnt take it good if i failed i have no selfesteem no faith in myself this wouldnt bother me so much if i wasnt actually capable of doing well payed things like programing suicide came across my mind because i m scared of ending up with minimal wage job with all the wasted potential i think i would kill myself if i end up like that i ve spent my whole life thinking that everyone else was better than me ,1
amjust so tired ive been suicidal for a little over a decade everyday i think about killing myself without fail obviously on good daysweeks i hear that thought in my head and just shrug it off but the bad daysjust keep piling on and keep getting worse and worseim just tired tired of everything tired of continuing life because its selfish of me to end it how is it selfish of me to want this pain ive been feeling for the majority of my life to stop but not selfish of to condemn me for feeling this way because dont want me to diei cant handle this right now any of this and i just feel like everything is closing in on me this strange feeling that my life is coming to a close soon i try to try and let it all out but no matter what i can only muster up a few tears after years of suppressing emotions and tears and sadness i think i broke myself and i think the end is in sightall i ever wanted was to feel happy ,1
my only reason to live is to not hurt others with my own death i don t really know where else to turn about this i ve been suicidal for years now and i m tired of people telling me that it s going to get better when the sad thing is that things haven t and things don t appear able to improve in the future honestly in most of my life situations it just seems like god is a cruel little kid who builds me up for excitement only to follow it up with extreme disappointment and sadness sometimes within the hour it s starting to feel really fucked up i just want a win for once in my life it dawned on me last night that the only reason for me to not go ahead and just end my life is the effect it would have on my family which means my only purpose is to just exist in pain and not cause any to others i don t want to hurt my mom with my death but i really don t think i can do this for much longer i know this all sounds so selfish but i m just looking for a reason to live has anyone else felt this way before how did you overcome it what have you found to give you purpose and not fall into the void,1
meet them where they are here is one of the few safe places that people can come and talk openly about suicide without judgement and in theory without eliciting an immediate emotional response that blocks that person from expressing their feelingsthe responses here are obviously going to be different to the responses that would be received by or made by the people that come here in real life in a non professional face to face settingi would be the first to admit that if i suffered a tragedy tomorrow i wouldnt be in the best place to be here and be presentand thats exactly the point its the realisation that its not that simple as thinking count yourself lucky because oh my you dont think that people destroy themselves that they cant think like that that they dont scream at themselves to stop feeling the way that they dohere it is safe and we meet them where they are we join them in their despair even with the knowledge that we may not be able to make anything better but offering that space and time may be the one thing that is needed and that nobody else has ever done for themit is in fact a very precious thing to be able to offer yourself to just be with somebody else and fully present to themamy,1
i wanna just kill myselfi am so tired of life the only thing that keeps me going are small things like video games food and enjoying laying in bed i dont want that to end and thats it everything else doesnt mean shit because i dont have anyone maybe a few friends but they dont understand depression or anything and they dont help at all i guess they would care if i killed myself but so many people say that and i feel like its only because they feel bad and want to cheer me up or something but it doesnt i have tried to kill myself before but i made sure i was only hospitalized because it was a cry for help so people would take me seriously yet people still dont but when i do kill myself people will all miss me and act like they cared and tried to help right i hate school too ive failed 9th grade twice and i amfucking stupid and i cant take it teachers treat me like garbage because they know ive failed twice and overall lowers my already non existant self esteem i hate how i look and how my body is its never as good as any other guys i dont have abs or anything special at all girls barely even acknowledge i exist and girls who i have dated either cheated on me or left leaving me to think they just felt bad for me my family treats me like a disappointment too i dont wanna drop out but i feel like i have to or else i will be in high school forever sorry if this isnt that organized just needed to rant or something because i cant handle this for much longer ,1
please tell me what is wrong with me i know i already have a lot of obvious problems like my appearance my weight my race my sexuality my intelligence and my lack of talent or skill but is there something deeper wrong with me when i tell my mom i love her she always likes to say you dont love me you just love what i do for youshes been saying that for a long time and shes right of coursei am21 with no job no high school education and i sit on my ass all day doing nothing while she works but i dont know if i actually dont love her i dont know if i love anyonei became more curious about this today when i was talking with a friend and he said he doesnt think i will ever be happy and that i dont care about anything he knows me pretty well so hes probably right also but i dont want to end up like that i dont think i have a choice thougheven though i knowi am so fucked up and worthless and everythingi amnever going to do anything about it i dont even shower or brush my teeth or anything i dont clean or cook maybe i just dont give a shit about anything maybei amincapable of truly loving anyone maybe i should just dieits stupid of me the post this and none of you will have a magic solution i doubt anyone will even read all of this and reply but i guess it makes me feel a bit better to do it,1
can someone just talk to me i just want to connect and then i will be ok,1
suicide may be a permanent solution but 1 it is a solution and 2i am not looking for temporary solutions i resent that saying so much permanent solution to a temporary problem ugh,1
a window into my life i guess this was an email i sent to someone last night typos probably depression anxiety being alone not truly being needed by anyone here it sucks it hurts no one needs me herei amjust here for the sole purpose of existing no one would care or notice if i disappeared tonight no one bothers to ask me howi am doing today no one stops to ask me ifi am doing okay everyone has a group of friends who love them endlessly and actually want to see them outside of school and talk to them and everythingi amjust a background decoration in everyones lives and all i need is to just be validated all i ever wanted was to feel wanted this life is literal hell its my personal hell id rather be anywhere but here id rather be anyone else but me i dont want this body i dont want this life maybe if i go people will notice no one fucking talks to me unless they need me to listen to their problems and god i want to help but it sucks thati amjust a personal therapist to everyone just once id like someone to text me like hey how are you feeling today or a message like you matter to me and i need you here no one fucking cares people say they do but no one fucking listens to me when i text them asking for help my insides are crying save me now fuck this life fuck this world i dont want to be me i feel so fucking alonei am so sick of waking up every single day and wishing i didnt i am sick of crying so much i cant fucking stand being such an outcast all i ever fucking wanted was to fit in i hate myself more than words could ever fucking describe and i just want to blow my face to goddamn bits with a shotgun i feel so goddamn bad that you have to read this shit because its not easy to hear these kind of words i hate that i care about everyone so goddamn much i wish i could stop when everyone else wakes up their nightmares end mine never does everyday i pray that i will wake up from this dream and be a happy beautiful child who is loved by everyone this mental i willness is tearing me up right in front of everyones eyes and no one cares i talk about killing myself a lot and i bet if i were to be in the middle of killing myself no one would stop me ive been depressed since i was a child wanna know what fucking sucks about teen depression while everyone is living the best years of their life by going to parties making awesome memories falling in love and so oni am noti amwishing my own fucking life awayi amscared that i will just be thrown into a hospital again and be put on meds that just make me feel so damn numb i am so ready to go i dont want to be here anymore everyday is a battle with myself its like going to war with the enemy and each battle ends in your bitter defeat but you still show up on the battle field every day even though you know youre going to get your ass kicked each day the wounds become deeper and more severe you grow weaker and weaker and then one day you wave a white flag and its over or the enemy finally kills you either way you will lose to your demons i have accepted the fact that my demons will win and fuck maybe they already havei am tired of fighting ,1
i dont really understand hi i just felt like posting my thoughts somewhere sincei amfeeling a bit down and a tad bit introspective ive decided to share a bit of my life with the internet which i know isnt exactly the smartest thing but heyi amhere might as wellokay so ive been suicidal and depressed on and off for a couple of years now i cant exactly tell you when it started since problems like this usually stem from childhood issues but i can say that it certainly started getting worse sometime around grade seven or eight now ive been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder ocd and severe depression but i am not currently seeing any therapist due to my parents disbelief in mental i willness i think that they might not want to believe that their daughter has any type of problem at all or maybe this all ties into their general ignorance of things i dont hate my parents but i dont really believe in their values theyre racist homophobic my dad is sexist and my mother uses religion to justify everything she does okay back to me like i said i have a couple of mental issues with my depression and ocd probably being the worst of the bunch my ocd is very very disruptive of daily lifei am not particularly religious but i am not an atheist i am a 16 soon to be 17 year old girl and my sexuality is homosexual though i dont like the term lesbian very much due to its oversexualized connotation i like pretty boring stuff like writing reading and drawingi amparticularly interested in writing and i would like to become an author and hopefully slow down the death process of modern literature yeahi ama stud arent i i have relationship issues with my girlfriend but i wont get into that hereright now in a general reference to daily life i feel nothing nothing i can particularly say my emotions are somewhat normal if a bit exaggerated in the moment but on an overarching scale i feel fairly empty even so ive been thinking about killing myself i used to think that i gave up cutting after having a little dispute with my mother over the scabbylines on my wrist its been about two years since then and ive started cutting up my thighs on an almost daily basisi am not like one of those edgy teens where i cut because of the physical pain distracts from the emotional pain i think its simply because of the dopamine reward my brain gives me for doing something good ive just always had a slightly high pain tolerance and i find myself attracted to the pair of sharpened scissors hiding away in my desk drawer last night though i had used a different pair they were the closest thing to me at the time and i ended up cutting myself a nice little and by little i mean huge gash right across my thigh i almost thought i needed stitches for a second i remember the initial spark of pain and then there was nothing it wasnt the numbness of a severed nerve no it just didnt i pressed down on it to stop the bleeding no pain i could feel myself pressing down but it just wasnt accompanied by any pain it was an almost surreal experience for me thats got me thinking i havent killed myself out of fear for the pain since i live in canada with no guns and i have no access to tall buildings and i dont own a car or have access to any potentially lethal pills the only viable method of killing myself that i have are the knives in my kitchen i had held one against the throat in the past but never had the guts to bring it down i have imagined stabbing myself in the stomach on multiple occasions but could never actually pull a knife that leads me to wonder about slitting my wrists ive heard of how painful it is but right now i cant really find myself caring i dont particularly care about anything at all school is easy i have nineties in every class and i havent studied a single day in my life i dont ever have any homework to worry about because i finish it all in class with time to spare i have enough friends to satisfy me and a girlfriend to keep me occupied romantically though i cant really comprehend sexual or romantic attraction so its more or less another form companionship to me and other than my earlier sediments on my parents i dont have a particularly bad home life my career as an author and english teacher is but a givenin fact for other people i might have an amazing life i just cant what phrase would be correct here comprehend yeah i guess i just cant the meaning of life sure i can understand the complex inner workings of society and the average human psyche my marks in social studies and psychology prove just that i just find myself unable to understand simple things why is that person happy why is society working away like sheep why am i who i amam i even who i amwho am ii amright then why does it sound so foreign to me why does my body feel like its not actually there i will look at objects pets or people in my life and wonder how they have been there my entire life they look so new and foreign to me i cant understand them in the slightest if i cant understand living then how am i supposed to live am i a sociopath or am i a normal human being simply going through a phase of introspection while my brain is developing into that of an adults could this be some kind of side effect of constantly reading and writing or is there something very very wrong with mei cant understand life so i want to die i cant understand death either so does that mean i have nowhere to turn to then it comes down to the original question should i kill myselfi amim kinda leaning towards a yes here i dont really know how to end something like this honestly i would be surprised if anyone even made it this far thank you for reading my little tale and let me tell you that each and every word here is true these words come from the very bottom of my souli really dont understand anything do i ,1
if you dont know that it might get better why do you insist on staying i saw this too many times everyone is saying to stay but even you dont have hope that it will get better theres even a policy on this subreddit not to do that wishful thinkingso why prolong the inevitable,1
even when things are going relatively well i would rather just not livei am20 years old and a couple courses away from a community college diploma in accounting which can be transferred to give me half of the credits for a bachelorsi was diagnosed with depression and anxiety when i was about 13 but i never went on medicationi have had good times and bad times over the past few years it seems that recently the bad times have been getting more frequentsome courses in school give me no problem at all i aced things like financial accounting but if i have to write anything i will probably failfrom the time i was 9 i remember struggling to write stories in class now days tell me to write a memo essay or even something short and i just cant do it i have tried dictating it but that doesnt help i feel i just dont have the ideas in my head to put on paper even when i had to write physics lab reports i found it impossibledue to this i dont think i will ever be able to finish university and i cant handle working somewhere like a grocery store for my whole lifei amfrom canada but this yeari amspending a year abroad in belgium as an au pair i met my girlfriend in a community jazz band while she was taking a gap year in canada and i followed her back to belgium about a month ago she is so amazing and probably the one thing keeping me from falling into a deep depression and seriously considering suicide right nowi have one day a week totally free and i basically slept the whole day i should be exploring belgium 0 or at least go for a walk down the street i talked to my girlfriend and she has been supportive and is trying to help me get out of the house but i find it impossible some days are okay yesterday i went to audition for a choir and it went fairly well she is a very motivated person and i amscared that me doing nothing could pull us aparti also start things with a great deal of motivation but it typically fades quickly and i want to quit this happens with things like school sports work and any other type of activity really it happens even if it is something i really like i just find it hard to drag myself to iti need to figure out how to finish school i need to figure out how to stay motivated be able to tolerate my job and stop being such a negative person all the timeright nowi am really freaked out because i dont know how i can get through all of this i dont know what i will do with my life i have this year to figure things out then i have to go back to canada we did a few months already but a long distance relationship will be its own challenge and face reality i can stay with my mom as long as i am going to school i am thinking maybe i should push through the 3 courses and get my diploma as a checkpoint i was just going to go to university and go straight for my bachelors as i still get the transfer credits but i dont have a clue what i should do after that i think i should probably talk to a professional again i most likely shouldnt wait untili amback in canada but doing it here in belgium is intimidatingthanks,1
good bye everyone thanks for trying just wanted to say good bye to everyone on reddit i made a post on this sub asking for help you can probably find it by looking at post i have made any way i was trying to find a way to say good bye properly to the only person that has ever understood me i did recieve some advice and some people did message me and try to help me i was suppose to hang out with said person on the night i posted it that did not happen was suppose to hang with said person tonight but i was bailed on again it has crushed what little bit of hope i had left granted i was going to off myself some time soon any way all i wanted was to say good bye to her any way thank you reddit for being there i use to go to the funny sub to cheer myself up or would just look at the front page to find new and interesting things to read or learn about i wish i had known about this sub years ago o well best of luck to anyone out there that is down and is posting on this sub hang tight the people on reddit will try and help you in any way they can keep doing what you do reddit i am at the location i had decided to do this at going to smoke a couple bowls and a few cigs and then i am calling it quits the people who help on this sub keep doing what you do best of luck to everyone good byebrian,1
i try so hard but even i know thats a lie i dont know whats wrong with me anymore i pissed away so many good things in my life because of what i feel was one persons fault and ive been dragging that ball and chain behind me for years nowi cant find the motivation to change who i am or the situation ive put myself into been homeless lived in the bed of my truck kicked out of countless houses becausei ama terrible employee and cant keep a job i quit my tractor trailer driving job because i didnt want to be away from my family but now thati amhome i cant muster the strength to look them in the face anymorei was always late on rent because i just cant control my money and nowi amsquatting in a run down house with holes in the roof walls and ceiling no plumbing and the only electricity is a drop cord from the neighbors house its just been me and my cats for years going from town to town job to job house to house i feel likei amat the point where ive become such a burden on everyone around me that i cant ask for help because it seems likei amalways leeching off everyone i sleep until i absolutely have to wake up for work because i dont even want to be awake anymore but i amwriting this now because i had a thought to myself that if i were to just off myself now no one would notice for weeks maybe months despite everyone knows where i am because no one cares to visit to call or just acknowledge my existence and i dont blame them,1
since july 29th this year ive been thinking about suicide and that i will do it this year still havent gone to it but will probably do it before christmas i didnt know when it started but about 45 years ago i started to hate myself a lot my first suicide attempt was when my parents fought i just grabbed a knife to stop them from fighting saying that i will kill myself yesi amhorrible but i actually wanted to kill myself that time they asked me whats wrong i answered that i didnt know but i actually know that i hate myself after that my mom kept telling her friends about that as if i cant hear it i never attempted suicide after that but i can still feel the depression and selfhate slipping in then this year happened i almost left home but my parents stopped me and i told them what i actually feel inside i told them that i hate myself and i just kept scratching on my arms i told them i have mental health issues then a week later i accidentally pushed my cousin was pissed off and my parents scolded me i whispered something about my mental health issue and how it couldve affected my thinking but my parents didnt believe me i had a fucking mental breakdown in front of them and yet they think thati am still joking now my mom said something about us being a perfect family since theyre not like those other parents out there who doesnt care about their children and she told me that theyre not the problem i am like for the past 5 years ive known that i am the problem i have a problem i actually thought that they would at least help me but they shrugged me offi ama covert narcissist and i hate that i wanted to change but i cant i cant i cant do this alone thats why i told my parents everything ive felt but i actually dont trust them anymore i dont want to talk to them about my feelings i dont need them to understand i just need them to listen but i could already see that they wont i can see iti amplanning on leaving suicide notes on this laptop and various other placesi amalso hinting on facebook about it i just wanted my parents to save me but i guess they cant i will just save myself from this misery,1
i cut myself again for the sixth time in four weeks ive been sobbing into my pillow for the last ten minutes because of it and everything else in my life i wish the people in my life actually understood what depression is actually like among other things i just want out why did you start cutting yourself make sure you keep it clean getting an infection would suck many people cant really handle the concept of suicide i think society is messed up but this subreddit can help at least a bit ,1
whats the easiest way to commit suicide painless and simple,1
thinking about giving up so i really screwed myself i am going to completely fail a class i cant drop i have tried moving heaven and earth to get out of this class but nothing can be done i feel like ive ruined my futurei amsupposed to be transferring soon but i think thats all over ive essentially lived for my gpa it was one of the only things keeping me going but nowi am so lost i want to end it all even though i know its stupid and selfish i cant talk to anyone about this and its eating me alive i dont know how long i can keep going anymore i just want to sleep forever,1
didnt hang myself because i got spooked out i just think its best for me to go why is even suicide this hard ive just got home from going out to kill myself i had scouted my area for places to hang myself for weeks now and thought i found an adequate spot now so i went there past 2am with my rope to end this misery but upon arriving ive noticed that the path leading to the place i was heading to was not lit by street lamps already gave me a bad vibe but okay time to turn on the torchlight on my phone after a few metres in i got spooked really bad by a tree i mistook for some slendermanesque man and after catching my breath by some animal in the bushes that was to much for me so i went back home everything seemed so unreal like a real life psychedelic horror movie until i got back homei ama bit dissappointed with myself as killing myself would be the best way out of my misery but its not really easy if the sorrow and neuroticism that consumes you transfers into your suicide plans and makes you fear failure to off yourself on the first tryi am not even depressed or feeling sad right nowi am in a pretty neutral state of mind but thinking about myself suicide seems like the logical thing to do i will now read into death by exsanguination as for my bathroom is lit even at night,1
i wish for a friend shouldnt that be simplei am sorry if this gets long and boringmy family consists of a dad with anger and stress issues i live in his house a very bipolar and aggressive mother a sister who practically wishes i was dead and my dog booker i live distanced from them and from anybody else days consist of heading to school returning to my room and staying there occasionally leaving to get food sometimes having to greet my dadfor some insighti amyoung but i amtrans and in latin america were still viewed wrong by the general public thats the general reason whyi amdistanced in school i wont detail furthercurrently its 6 am i have one friend in steam and the blizzard app i will call him surprising surprising and i speak different languages but we manage to chat with what we know about english ive barely heard his voice through voice chat in overwatch other than that we only know each other through letters on a screenhis pc isnt too good and latin america isnt particularly wealthy so pretty much all weve played is overwatchi bought overwatch about a year ago and also started the thing about trans i was not ok with being identified as male it was hard in real life but online appearances didnt matter i thought it was a good idea to be myself online hiding the way i was born and a good chance to see if people thought i was weird or notback to realitysurprising knows about my gender and after a bit of explaining he seemed wholly fine with it but now hes very busy with his studies or so i was told and overwatch has been getting pretty tiring after many months of playing the same game theres distance nowits starting to sink inim finally beginning to understand that no close friends can help me if i want to get closer to distant friends i will have to maintain a happy facade if i dont want to be left again its happened more times than i can count in my school in my family on the internet its all proofnobody is interested in mei am too weird i have too many issues friends shouldnt fix them and i cant alone if anyone gets to know me deeply theyll leave disgusted my days are just filled with silence i dont talk to anybody i dont have any friends online i wont ever be close to anyone chats help but theres not even that nowi dont think i want to suffer this silence anymore i promised to surprising i was gonna wait until new year to see if anyone else entered my life by chance but i dont thinki amgetting any better theres no way anybody else will show up let alone stick around the silence is starting to erase my personality ive been accepting things the way they are ive always loved spending time with people but i am not trying to find more friends online anymore in fear that they would just hurt mei amzoning out more my thoughts are emptier my arms are more hurt and my diets disappearing its starting to ruin mewhat point is there in changing your appearance to suit your gender when nobody will even interact with youi think i wanna see me crumble before showing myself to anybody elseand the side of me that is still foolishly hopeful that somebody will show up is starting to go away tooam i too far gone if thats the case could you confirm it please at least a word or two anybody,1
i dont understand what to do i want to dieim so lonely i have no friends ive spent my entire life in school being bullied no friends and as a adult i do nothing but work on my off days i lay in bed waiting to go to worki have no hobbies i have nothing whats the point of going on edit bye,1
amsick of living i have had a lot of admissions to hospital and i am in a lot of debt i gave up my job to go to university and nowi ambroke and worried my psychiatrist keeps pushing my appointments back my care coordinator tries to help but she cant get me therapythe suffereijg got suddenly worse 2 years ago and its onky gottejnworse since ive tried 12 medications several bad reactions several overdosesi cant take it anymorei dont want to leave people like my mum and my best friend but thags all i have and i amalways miserableim thebworst amd it isnt gettin beyter,1
my final night everything is in order well its my final night in existence everything has been taken care of the note and my last wishes are all written out and the materials with which to do the deed are in order all i have to do is go through with it id rather not go into the details surrounding it thoughi amjust going to keep getting the same old clich responses so i guess this is my final goodbye this whole thing seems like a dream yet it feels so surreal time to take the plunge,1
anyone else find life to much work and just not worth iti amliving for nothing dont care about money only buy food struggle to make friends self esteem issues so no gf cant get myself to study wheni amliving for nothing just be easier to end it all but no i cant even do that as it would abousulty destroy my mum just cba trying to fix my so many issues ,1
am not allowed to express how i feel i sometimes manage to wrack up energy and will power to phone one of those suicide phone numbers for help but the issue is in there guidelines it says they would have to have me locked up if i said how i was actually truthfully feeling soi amstuck in a situation where i cant even talk to the people who are best trained for my situationi amfucked,1
click here for some boring life story i will be 22 next month dying young and fugly sounds right up my alleyive been ridiculously depressedsuicidal since i was 9 i remember wishing id wake up as a boy but i hid my thoughts and feelings from everybody i mainly wanted to be male for lifes opportunities i wanted to join the army be a mechanical engineer a construction worker an auto detailer work in the oil industry as a welder almost every virtually unattainable job for someone like me i dont want to fight for acceptance and prove myself as well as probably deal with sexual harassment i just wanted to be one of the guys but i cant everive been deeply fascinated with the military since i was a kid as well as cars and guns my mom saysi am an old soulbeen here before maybe my soul was thrown into this useless husk by accident hahahamy life currently revolves around my challenger ive felt rather masculine all my life and i believe thats why ive never had a proper boyfriend maybe its becausei amblack and 510 too who knows i have mostly guy friends and simply cannot click with most women tbh i dont really like them ive tried becoming friends with lots of girls who like cars as much as i do online groupsforums and they just blow me off car guys respect me and ive made several lasting friendships with them everyone i know describes me as happy full of life and so nicekind if only they knew of my plans to buy that sw revolver id been wanting for over a decadei amterrible at math even if i wanted to be one of those trailblazers in the stemtrades fieldsi amliterally incapable of doing so ive tried filling in the gaps on my math skills but its just too much to catch up on ive never set foot in college because i know it would be a waste of money and time with my shitty skills ive been working since high school graduation being the breadwinner for my mom and grandmamy mom uses me as her shoulder to cry on and depend upon i cant do that with her she always gets mad and makes it all about herself she guilt trips me about wanting to try alcohol she doesnt know that i keep a stash of a variety of mini bottles in my room but has no problem probing me for cash to buy her cartons of cigs not cheaptheres so much more but i am tired of trying to sneak type this at worki amjust not happy i hate my body and my mind just one bullet to the head will end everything ,1
what is the pointi am19 and for as long as i can remember i have struggled to find any motivation or ambition i am widely regarded as an asshole despite my efforts in the last few years to be more apathetic but ive only lost friends since then my girlfriend since i was a sophomore is growing increasingly distant from me and is having problems of her own in college so she said she doesnt have the time to help me with my problems and called my selfish when i mentioned my problems to her i owe my two best friends over 600 collectively and have no job everyone told me that after i graduated from high school things would get better and i amhere months later even more unhappy and no prospects of success at all i want to die and i dont know what to do nothing helps ive been sitting in my backyard for 2 hours contemplating and it all led me here somehow if i dont do it today i will just end up doing it some other time whats the point why shouldnt i do it first it was youll see after you graduate and now its you just need to find a job i graduated and i had a job and was still miserable why should i even bother anymore it seems to me that i would just be wasting my time,1
i can t get therapy i ve been depressed and suicidal for about five years now i just turned 17 and i have a lot of issues caused by past traumatic events i m in a really tough place right now and i really want to get out of it my parents don t give a fuck about me my boyfriend doesn t give a fuck about me my only friends don t give a fuck about me nobody here cares about me i m homeschooled by the way so i can t just go to school and meet new people i am not going back to public school they re the reason i m the way i am now i need help i need to fix my problems but i can t do it on my own i need professional help like everyone s been telling me i need for the last five years i don t know what to do i don t have insurance if my parents see me crying or if i tell them or show any signs of me being upset they get really mad and yell at me cause i have no reason to be upset they only think that because they don t know a single thing about my life they don t know the reason why i wanted to be homeschooled so bad i basically got raped by my ex and he got away with it the whole school bullied me and called me a liar my parents don t even know my favorite color my dad is always at work or asleep and my mom is a fucking bitch she is always out cheating on my dad with younger married white men i include white because she s racist and will not even look at anyone of another race not even her own even if she s home if i ever try to talk to her she gets extremely mad at me because she s on facebook no matter what it is i have to say to her not only do my parents not want to help me even if they did we have no money we re really close to losing our house right now so i have to give up my room and sleep with my mother so that we can rent out my room and still keep the house that is the last thing i want to do i wish i could be older and have money so i could move the fuck out i am trying to get a job but i know that until i get help this will never work out i ve already been rejected three timesi could go on and on and on and on about my problems but that will get me nowhere what i came here to do is ask for help i can not afford therapy and i ve looked online for some sort of online therapy and they ve said i need facetoface therapy and that online counseling will not work for my issues i can t afford therapy and my parents will not do anything to try and take me i need help please i m suffering so much my heart can t take the pain much longer i know it s going to just stop one day ,1
going to kill myself soon not gonna write much in this its not worth it what are some few people on the internet gonna do to improve my life just wanted to share this soi ama a very generic average boy with severe depression and with the worst parents ever in one of the worst country ever my life has never delivered me what i wanted and worked for everyone ive met hates me i never had a gf only had like 3 best friends my best friend always treats my like shit and i cant do anything about it and my father was old stingy and simply not fit to be a father same goes for my mother my parents hate me tooi didnt bother telling anyone about this except for an online friend who couldnt do much but tell me to live which isnt such a great advice to someone whos ready to die ive got it all planned no one will miss me some people will be happyi amgonna drink 6 liters of water yes that works alot of people died like this and that amount is enough to kill a fully grown adult and my body is small so this is overkill ive already started preparing by drinking 2 liters a day but i amjust afraid of one thingwhats after death is it the same as before i was born is it gonna be heaven and hell or maybe i will just be born as another miserable person or animal theres no point in living its just an endless loop of pointless survival everyday i wake up telling myself that maybe today is gonna be a good day but i amalways wrong everyday is the same painfulso this is it i guess if things get a little better i might no kill myself but if it keeps going this way theni amprobably gonna be dead before the end of this month,1
the worst ive felt only one person in my life cares about me and she cut me out of her life today she said ive been manipulative of her for the past two years and i have been the entire relationship is so complicated and i feel like nobody can understand,1
lost the will never good at typing shit up but i amfed up with life a woman who claims to love me but i who knows horribly abusive parents and i just have lost all motivation to care i dont know what to do to get out of it that urge to end my life is getting to be too much and therapy doesnt help medication doesnt help i know i need a change but the quickest change as of right now is to end my lifei am going to do it i dont want to stop my self anymore,1
i can barely function anymore i cant keep myself going i lost my mom to cancer so the only reason i feel like sticking around is because my death would destroy my father that and my dear old dog i am afraid that once hes gone i am gonna go past my breaking point i am in so much pain i feel like if there was an easy way to end it all i d have taken it already i ve gone down to the bridge once already but accidentally took a wrong turn at the exit and ended up back on the 101 heading home my therapist suggested maybe it was fate that i took a wrong turn maybe so but it was cowardice that kept me from coming back sometimes i imagine the jump and i know in my mind that id regret as soon as i jumped but living isnt really worth it i just want to have the courage to fall m,1
this is it time to die cant do it anymore trazodone ready tonight is the night edit fuck i cant even show enough balls to kill myself i really am a loser who screws everything up,1
i cant be fixed i just fucking cant and its because of men ,1
friend needs help and is worrying me my friend whom i ve never yet met has been texting me the last day and seems to be pretty serious about ending it her self esteem is nonexistant at this point and for months i ve done my best to not mention the word help but today i did and only made it worse she keeps saying its fine but i know it is nt,1
she wants to be friends but i dont have any friends anymore at the age of 25 i have my bf and thats it my mother tries to get close and is confused why we arent closer and why i wont open upi tried calling her today after a fight with my bf and she just laughs i seriously just wish i were gonei so badly want someone close i can talk to but idk how to anymore i cant function as a normal adult and i can never tell if i am overreacting or if my feelings of neglect are true i just want it all to end,1
finally ending it tonight i m on a bus right now into town to jump off a bridge it s been a long time coming but right now i v never felt better knowing i final made a decision about ending my life i m sorry if this isn t the right place to post this i just have no one else to tell this too as soon as i get off the bus i won t have an internet connection so i want to say thank you to everyone on this subreddit i v read a lot of your stories and i truly hope you find peace with yourself thank you,1
everything is blue i feel like nothing in the world can make me happy nothing at all not even the smallest pleasures like eating my favorite food if i can t find happiness even in the smallest of things why should i keep trying why should i keep existing,1
gambling addict life is over i dont want to do anything except kill myself no one will miss me theres no cure for me i will never have nice things a nice life or a nice relationship ,1
i m going to kill myself tonight i ve finally made up my mind and i am so close to peace only a few hours and i will be free not sure why i am telling you all or if anyone will even see ,1
so tired i am done i am exhausted sick depressed and nearly blind at i just want the easiest way out of this living hell,1
damn i don t know what to think right now everything for me lately has been so slow for a lack of better words i don t think i m going to kill myself but i m thinking about it tonight more than usual i know if things keep going at this rate i will spiral out of control i can guarantee that this seems like typical hs bullshit and i guess it is but normal high schoolers wouldn t be so upset over a two week relationship like this whenever i thought of her or was with her it was like an escape from my fucked up mind a fucked up mind that keeps getting more fucked up by the day,1
i wish i had a gun so i could do it the easy way i wish so much i could be able to obtain a gun it bugs me that fucking cattle can die in a less painful way than me and i dont mean to be an apologist of the meat industry i can hang myself with a rope choking and pissing myself while i risk failing and resulting in brain damage i can cut my throat while i feel my arteries clogging from the blood going to my head and i can even throw myself from a tall building and dying at the shock of everyone surrounding me but i cant die in a simple and human way like a bullet to the the head why is this why cant the state guarantee to give me the right to die in a easy way ,1
expectations not met am i suicidal maybe maybe not i don t know yet i m a failure that s what i think and know they re expecting too much i m trying my best but still not enough ,1
i got so used to that feeling of self loathment i kind of accepted it and i dont like that i now am very nihilistic and pessimistic and the only thing that keeps me going is to make other people happy i guess you could say i enjoy seeing people smile makes me happy for a while people say to try be happy but i know when i try its fake and it never works i wouldnt say i am still in full heartbreak just in this hole where i cant seem to get out off i used to be so happy and motivated last year however this year has just been nithing i feel nothing as if i have nothing to lose and that scares me i honestly feel empty and it physically hurts,1
cant stand the loneliness anymore i feel like a weird loser everytime i step into school i have this feeling where i don t want to get better and i personally agree with it i m 18 at moment and i can t stand life anymore i feel like ending myself soon,1
why stick around when i dont want to anymore and stagnate this life is hell i cant take much more sorry ,1
nothing to live for again i have so much shit right now and its taking everything in me to not just end it my life almost seemed to be turning around because i was becoming less of a piece of shit and getting somewhere but that doesnt mean anything if i dont have anyone to be a better person for,1
living suicidal i post this here as i know a lot of you would have felt or would be feeling the same i am suicidal a lot of the time but not act on it suicidal i think about it i google it i make half arsed plans i know i wont carry through i realise there are levels of suicidal i have attempted suicide i have been paralysed by pain of having to live and screaming in agony suicidal i have been why doesnt everyone around me want to die too suicidal ,1
i just keep thinking about it i dont have any friends and my family is pretty far away i am in university but i find it hard to go to lectures with ibs it makes me feel like shit which is fitting because its probably how i smelli amfailing at the one reason my parents are paying for me to do here i have tried to go to places that could help in the uni but they keep referring me to one another like a really competitive tennis matchand i keep thinking about killing myself i sound pathetic admitting it but it swirls around my head incessantly,1
i think within a year or so i will just go ahead and be done with all of this so when the time comes this year i ll probably just leave i dont know how but i will and that ll be less pressure off of everyones shoulders i am sorry its not like its your guys fault or you can do anything but i amjust sorry to everyone ,1
cant stop shaking feeling nauseated the physical symptoms of my anxiety are going to kill me i cant do this anymore,1
the only thing keeping me from killing myself is money i want to kill myself in a hotel with a note on the door telling them not to enter just call the police i dont want my family to find my body and i dont want a public suicide like getting hit by a train which i considered i dont want to make anyones life harder i just want to leave it to the professionals but i cant afford a hotel or a motel or even a bus across town to get to one ,1
not sure what to say but i really think my life isn t worth living at all so i ve always been wrestling with depression but lately i ve come to terms with the fact that i d probably never win my life is shit and i can t fix it it s out of my hand i really want to end it all now losing is something i can t accept but i feel like a loser i just can t come to terms with the fact that no matter how hard i try i ll always be a loser ,1
the vegas mass shooting it makes me so upset that none of those people probably wanted to die but here i am miserable in life yet still living i would take all of their places so that they could live ,1
amunattractive and lonely looks do matter to a point and yeah i dont have thati amat home right now trying to figure out how i can kill myself,1
i will be gone by weeks end my grandmother was recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure spent several days in the hospital and isnt expected to live much longer i live with her and i dont have the money to afford an apartment let alone continue paying my already current bills i will be homeless without anywhere to go i cant deal with everything collapsing around me this was the straw that broke the camels back i hope that others may find peace in their lives,1
i have a gun i hope this doesn t break the rules i guess i m just thinking through a lot right now and i just need someone to talk to that isn t an angsty teenage asshat like myself,1
messed up one last time not sure whyi amtyping thisprobably because i wont be telling anyone in my family about how i feel and ive been numb since it happened i was supposed to go to bct in less than a month but i totaled my vehicle and got a dui can scratch that good bye i will never get a chance like this again my life long dream ruined no future plans and dont want any cant believe ive fell this low should have died when i wrecked,1
depression i m suffering with depressioni m on citalopram n attending a cbt course i have a gf n a 3yo sona mortagagea job but i want to die i ve had enough of living and just want to kill myself nothing anybody says or does will stop me from doing it i just need to find a painless easy way to do it any suggestions,1
you want to know how weak i am somehow i ended up on this post from cracked called 6 harsh truths that will make you a better person the overall message of the article was get gud but i dont think ive ever been motivated to kill myself i wish i had a gun in the house so i could just get this over with id stab myself with a knife but a death like that would require so much willpower that i know i wouldnt be able to finish the job with a gun you just pull the trigger and its over the whole article just confirmed what i already knewi am worthless and offer nothing to anyone hell i dont even think of myself as a decent human being so when they wrote about how seeing yourself as a good person isnt enough that just even more thoroughly convinced me that i was right oh well like i said i dont have a way to kill myself that i know i could pull off so its not like any of this matters i will go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning and i will be back to my same old killing time and wasting space i wish i had never read that,1
considering taking my life if my ssi disability appeal gets rejected my initial application was denied so i m appealing but if the appeal doesn t workmy life will probably go to hell suicide seems a reasonable option i just want thoughtsfeedback on thisalso would including in my appeal a statement like if i don t get ssi i m probably going to kill myself help my case or hurt my case would they roll their eyes and ignore it consider it manipulative deny my appeal and then send me to the psych ward or see it as a sign that they were wrong to deny my original applicationi hope this is the right place to post this if not let me know,1
dads friends raped me i feel paralyzed i barely had enough energy to open up the computer i don t feel anything but an awfulness that crawls through my skin and an endless hollowness devoid of any light i d been in the shower for almost an hour and i just can t get it out it s crippling me and i m helpless i have no one else to tell this and i just want to kill myself i just want the pain to endi feel so much hate and anger but i can t seem to muster the energy to do anything about them even you dad i hate you so much for letting them do this to me i hate you so much for doing absolutely while they raped me is that what friends do dad getting you drunk and raping your daughter none of this would ve happened if mom was still here she would ve stopped them it hurt so much i thought they were going to kill me now i wish they hadyou changed a lot after her death you stopped asking how my day was you stopped coming to pick me up from school all my friends they thought that my dad coming to pick me up was lame but i only wanted to see you as soon as school was over that s how much i love you do you remember telling me how much you loved me and the things you d do for me you only had to show a little of it dad you only had to stay sober you only had to remember that i m always here for you but no you chose the bottle over me and i didn t mind cleaning up after you i didn t mind when you talked harsh to me even though it hurt like hell it s the demons you brought in with you you let them take control of you you let them hurt me but i still love you dad i always will maybe when i m gone i could look after you from up above like mom was supposed toi needed to tell all of this to you dad i needed to cry on your shoulders one last time but i don t have the courage and you don t have your mind i hope it s not you who finds me sweet dreams dad remember me and please forgive me,1
i have no hope for the future forever alone i will try keep it short i am 32 years old havent had a girlfriend in 13 years did some messed up things while i was drunk in high school i touched 2 girls while they were asleep i didnt rape them i cant remember everything i was lying in the bed with one i cant remember exactly how it got there i stopped when i realized she didnt want me touching her i have said sorry to her the other i cant get hold of i feel very guilty and ashamed and i should i am disgusting i never want to hurt anyone ever that was more than 16 years ago but i cant forgive myself i lost my virginity to a prostitute at 26 and have been to about 22 after that i am really a useless human being i am unlovable and unforgivable i dont know what the point is of going on how can i ever find someone who could love me anyway dont know if anyone will even read this i am so depressed and have been from since i can remember i am so alone ps i have fallen in love with a married woman she is my only friend i dont want to ruin her life and marriage but i cant be without her i should just book out,1
i will never get better so whats the point i feel hopeless i want to leave work now and just off myself i have a plan in place i feel like life is never going to get better this bipolar disease will never go away and i will have recurring depression for the rest of my life i will always be miserable and there is nothing i can do about it thats just how it ismania is false happiness i havent been happy since i was a 10 year old kid and i am26 now all of my friends left me when i was 10 and ive never been able to make friends after that after many many attempts at making them and my parents and brother dont give a shit because they dont have bipolar let alone depression so i have no one in my life to support me well i do have a therapist but what does she care she just gets paid lots of to talk to me for half an hourno one gives a shit about me because there is no one in my life who can give a shit about me thats the thing in fact if i off myself like i want to no one would even know or if they did know they would be like oh well this person was a waste of space anyway natural selection cleaning up the gene poolmy mood stabilizer certainly doesnt stabilize my mood my antidepressant certainly doesnt do anything for depression my antipsychotic certainly doesnt do anything for my mania and fuck ritalin doesnt do anything either nor does my klonopin lets face it i am treatment resistant,1
am i selfish for wanting to live so i have a pretty good life tbf but i ama massive dickhead i mean reeeeaaaaal dick to those who are close to me and i dont fully appreciate how kind people are to me i always think that itd be a whole lot better for everyone if i didnt exist sapping all their love and giving nothing back or for future friends lovers children ect who will have to deal with me i have been thinking that i could just get rid of myself and make it alot easier for possibly dozens of people but i dont want to die i love life theres so much that i love doing but this just makes me feel even more selfish becausei amonly staying here because i have such a good time personally i dont know what responses i want if any i just needed to let someone know this becausei amusually quite a happy person and i doubt anyone would ever think that id ever even considered suicide thankyou for reading anywayedit just ignore this i dont really think i plan on killing myself and there are people on here who reeeaaally do need help i just wanted a bit if an outleti am sorry,1
advil what would happen if i took 21600mg of advil would it do anything to mei amdone,1
reddit causing suicidal thoughts help i want to start this by stating that ive been diagnosed with ocd by psychologists but have always refused to take meds this tendency towards compulsive thought and regret seems to stem from the many tumultuous and dark times i have been through in my short and inconsequential life two days ago i indulged in selfharm for the first time i have a girlfriend and she loves me dearly i know she would be devastated if i were to end my life but these thoughts seem to obscure any enjoyment for life that i used to have i dont know how long i will lasti for the first time in my life am considering suicide over a reddit post theres an old reddit post that contains my personal info and shows up when my name is written into google i am an extremely anxious person with a proclivity towards obsessive and compulsive thought the post in question is immature in nature and theres something about my name showing on the internet on such a post that makes my heart sink thinking i will never get a decent job and everyone will take me for a fool and if youre wondering under what form my name appears it appears in a screenshotive tried reaching out to admins twice and they seem to turn a blind eye to the fact thati amthinking of ending my life over this they give me the runaround your full name does not constitute personal information which i would say it does i mean what is there thats more personal than your full legal name also where do you draw the line a human being is telling you hes suffering and thinking of pulling the plug on his life yet some old insignifcant post except for me because finding it is a matter of typing my name thats gathering dust somewhere on the backpages of redditive tried reaching out to the guy who made the post he agreed to help me and deleted his account shortly thereafter before i was able to provide him with the link thats been plaguing my mind for the past 2 monthsi amassuming he thought deleting his account would translate into all his old posts being deleted ive tried everything that came to mind left no stone unturned and have not succeeded in finding a good samaritan that would help alleviate my pain my life is in a dark place to begin with and this is starting to feel like the straw that will break the camels back can anyone help me or advise me on what to do anyone know an admin that will take pity on me ,1
thinki amready today started off so great i actually slept in and had a nice afternoon to myself however late afternoon turned to shit my emotionally abusive mother replayed the days events as she saw them and began to tell me how i never take her time into considerationi amdemanding and unappreciative of everything she does for me which honestly i dont i literally walk on egg shells just to not get chewed out and made to feel bad about myself even more after a yelling match in the car i finally got some reprieve alone in my car i decided to come paint because thats been my therapy as of late however its not really helping i really want to initiate my plani am tired of not being able to do anything right it seemsi am tired of my stunted maturityi am tired of this two steps one back bullshiti am tired being alone and having no friends to enjoy life with i enjoy my solo excursions but theyre arent enoughi am tired of made to feel like shit when someone has a bad dayi am trying and i amdone trying i thinki amjust going to enjoy painting this piece and then i thinki amready to follow through _ _,1
i cant wake up i feel like the only way to wake up and accept my reality is if i die because none of this feels real whatsoever i feel trapped and scared and completely alone and nothing is how it used to be idk where i am anymore but its not my reality ,1
just fucking sad and angry all the time nothing helps theres nothing i can do been trying for years and cant get out of rock bottomi amjust through with it all i dont look forward to anything if it was the plan to go through this much pain i dont even want to move one step forward in life i want to just stop living ive wanted to for so long,1
update cops thought i was dead see history for last post some things have happened since the last post kinda made a friendacquaintance not evicted yet still in no shape to be doing regular people stuff posting cause i want to be heard not looking for advicei amfucked nobody elses plan or words is going to change that i know i will slump into homelessness soon perhaps even better i will get a ruling against me on the eviction and be basically unable to rent for 7 years this issue pressing as it may be does not alarm me and push me into survival mode the opposite in fact my safety net emergency ermegency funds are gone some old debts have even gone into collection i have issues a while ago i was almost on track to apply for disability benefits with the help of a therapist what else is a bunch of psych visits and a bipolarptsd diagnosis good for still that life is shitthen my dad offed himself and i was left with enough money to fuck me up but too much to admit i needed help i knew it would it has its mostly gone i spent the money purely on limiting my interaction with people and other stressors as i then saw them it is possible to cling to life in most wretched circumstances i guess losing what i have will force me to live more than i have been willing to thus the friend we met whilst sleeping rough on the street in a few months itll be a year since my last attempti amgetting out and walking and preparing hiking supplies the uncertainty of the wilderness is alluring as is the minimally social aspect ,1
everything fell apart and i still have to keep going at 140 effort backgroundi ama college student pre med my grades are goodi amworking on being published i am a tutor and a ta i seem to have friends the whole package its actually just a sham i hate every secondi amawake and i honestly cant think of a reason i havent ended it alreadyi have always been an introvert and careful with people but i fell hard for someone freshman year relationship ended this past summer badly for me she picked up literally instantly and moved on after 3 years she was with someone else by 3 days out i on the other hand feel totally isolated now i have no one i trust with my real secrets and issues and basically anything that isnt shallow surface level things that arent a buzz kill pretty heavy alcohol use pretty heave script abuse i have 0 time for anything in my life because i am working or studying or researching every waking minute of my life i knowi amclinically depressed but i wont take the meds because id rather be dead than fat and they make you gain weight this is the most alone most burnt out most stressed most broken i have ever been and i spend a chunk of my time staring at the balcony railing hoping i grow the balls to jump i just dont know anymore ,1
fuck this is so stupid i feel so ugly all the time i could list out whyi amobjectively ugly but who caresi dont want people to tell mei ampretty because i really dont care what other people like physically about me its actually nice how little i care about something for once in my lifei am not happy with my appearance to the point where a friend taking a snapchat of me or a picture ruins my day and sometimes i will have to go to the bathroom and cryits not just my appearance my voice and mannerisms are so ugly they make me almost more upset and those i cant even change with surgeryi am very hairy for a girl and i dont have the money to wax my entire body and my female friends talk about how hairy they are when my stomach is much hairier than their legs and i can only joke but it hurtsdoesnt help my best friend is the most beautiful person ive ever seen with literally no flaws gets compliments every where and people just breifly look at me and then look away which id be ok eith if i was content and sure of my appearance but i knowi amugly so it hurtsi am so sick of this i dont even need to be a model lookin person or have long eyelashes or arched eyebrows or thick hair or a small nose or anything i just want to be happy with my looks and i cant be happy with the way i look now but i cant change it without surgery and i dont want to look plastici just want to look nice so i can believe the concept of somebody soemwhere liking me romanticallyso i can take a picture at an event with friends and not cry afterwardsso i can be confidentso i can not always be upsetso i can stop googling how to be pretty and how to have an objectively attractive face i am so tiredi wish i wasnt so effected by something so dumbi just want to be prettyidk what the point of this isi am so so sorry ,1
everything hurts i have fibromyalgia and everything hurts all the time next weekend everyone close to me is going to be away and i dont want to be in this much pain all the time i dont want this anymore,1
idk if its right to keep living i lied to myself that my dream hadnt been come trueso i didt die yet but everything would still be fine if i was dead now selfish retarded poor roc chinese they would be so happieri dont even feel any regret ifi amdead just fine living is just like wasting time wasting energy no one loves me no one cares about me,1
so sorry i just want my family to know when they look through my phone i am so sorry i didn t want to get to this point but i didn t want to drag you back into my problems so soon after everyone thought i was doing greatto combat this episode i started sh again and used real deal razors made vertical with horizontal cuts overlapping that pain wasn t pain to me it was bliss i felt invincible untouchable but it was so short lived so it became an addictionto codyyou were my best friend you understood logical things like math and science but not the depressed human mind i felt like when i talked to you about it you wanted to help but didn t understand how i am sorryto my parentsgod i don t even know where to start i want to just end my emotional torment i didn t want to hurt you emotionally but by committing suicide i did i will see you in heavento my siblingslook we didn t get along well but i knew you looked up to me sorry i i wish it didn t have to be this wayto my school teachers and other friendsi am sorry that i put you through this all i ask of you is to move the hell onother familyi loved you all and forever will in heaven i am so sorry that i put you through this i guess we will meet again somedayto redditi am sorry that you read this i am sorry you will mourn the loss of a kid who you never even heard of until he died,1
anyone else feel like they have no control over their life like youre just a puppet,1
i just realized how good i have it no one is dependent on me so i could die without truly fucking up anyones life i have friends and family but no kids or anyone else whod genuinely be fucked if i died and i am still a college kid so society doesnt shame me for thisthats a pretty good deal i see so many posts about people not wanting to go because of their kids or something,1
why do people pull the think about others shit any time they cani amonly alive for other peoplei know i may sound like a dick when i say this but saying that over and over doesnt change anything,1
good night i procrastinated doing it yet another day maybe tomorrow,1
one of my dream jobs denied me i don t know what to feel right now i m in a perpetual want to cry mode but won t cry and it feels like there s a me under my skin that can t move but it trying to move i justi am trying not to move as much cause i don t know what i ll do,1
you can imagine how fucked up my life is when i m writing this in my journal note to self the world is full of shit leave it soon if you cant then pity yourself ,1
todays the day that i kill myself ive been writing this in my head and on reddit everyday for the past few weeks i always erase it out of fear but not anymore and if by any chance this post breaks the rules i apologize with that said on to my post we go for starters i havent been able to eat all that well these past few days and have gotten quite i will because of that i actually felt okay during the initial days of my sickness what i mean is that i didnt actively plan my death as much i wouldnt mistake that for being happy though i think it was just the fact that i was too unwell to even get out of bed and i was focusing on being sickanyway i feel as though i need to go through with it today does a person typically leave a reason in their note well its a bit more complicated than that for me theres not exactly one reason to why ive decided to kill myself but i will say that each and every reason is my own fault no one elses nope its all my own however i will say that when i do die everything will inherently be so much better for all of my familypets no more living off of their hard earned funds and under their safety of their home no more destroying them with my intolerable and disgusting ways of livingi ama slob and i mean a true slobi amrather unintelligent and unattractive short and stubby overweight and unimportant perfectly describe me my own mother didnt want to have me as a child because of all of my faults i cant say i blame her thoughi amjust progressively destroying every relationship with anyone ive ever been close toi am so sorry ive come to decide that killing myself is truthfully my only option i wont go to therapy as there really isnt anything wrong with mei am looking at it from a logical standpoint everyone really is better off without me and i shouldnt burden them with my continued existencei amyounger i will admit but i am still legally an adult and in the end its my choice this is my only choice i cant change i fail every time eitheri amunbelievably lazy or i simply just cant change i know ive tried though but as of late ive given up soi am going to hang myself not this exact moment as i need to relax i feel like my heart is beating right out of my chest whether it be from me being sick or not its not a nice feeling once the feeling subsidesi am going to go through with my plan itll be today thoughi amconfident in that it has to be today no matter whether i want to die or not i have toto all of my family and pets thank you for everything youve all done for me i know that i was horrible and i am sorryi am sorry for everything i know that at first my death wont be easy but time will pass and youll see how much better it is for all of you even if you cant see it trust me its better i cant express this enough everything thats happened isnt your fault and itll never be your fault i am so sorry so sorry i love you all endlessly please forgive me,1
one step forward ten steps back everything keeps getting worse i dont know what to do i have nowhere to go i have no one to talk to i dont really have any good reasons to stick around i dont know where else to go i have nothing left,1
i was alway the runt of the litter in my family everyone else got so much attention specifically for mental health i was ignored though in obvious pain wtf my parents just sat there and watched me suffer all of my teen years and they knew i was in pain,1
ive got my note written ive been here for 20 years and i amready to go i know thats short compared to the average lifespan but god ive live so much lifei amhappy and at peace with everything and i just feel like its my time,1
i don t see another option so long story short my wife and i have three kids togethershe s cheated on me once i forgave her after a year and court intervention and because my oldest begged and pleaded i gave in and we tried to work on ither literal line of dialogue was daddy all i want for christmas is my family back together fast forward to now literally almost a year to the day latershe s doing it again i finally had enoughand called her out on her bullshit literally if there was a check list for cheating spouses she d mark every boxsome a few times the dude fessed up to it to a degree more than i can say about the last douche he said he d leave it up to her to tell me it wasn t his place so now after months of putting up with it for the kids i couldn t i genuinely couldn t the feeing of being ignored second choice seeing him try to act like daddy 20 to my kids seeing them at first reject him then start to gravitate to him it was the stupidest set of events that set me offmy oldest bike chain locked up she went to him to fix it not me then i was on the phone with a coworker and she thought i said something to her i specifically said to the coworker what the fuck did you do she thought i was talking to her and jumped down my throat that broke the camels back i confronted them both together she blew up at me and drove off now i m here alone with the kids no idea what to do if i have a home our house belongs to her familyi m only here because i don t have a firearm otherwise i would have offed myself when it started,1
in need of some encouragementi amtwo days into college and feeling awful asi amsure lots of people are i miss my ex so muchi am in a small town and shes in the city i spent all my life in ive never had thoughts of suicide until tonight when i went on a walk and found a really peaceful bridge by the water i doubt id ever attempt but i ended up looking at the water for about half an hour i dont want this to be my life i need to vent and hear that everything will be okay nothing feels worth doing without her ,1
just another post it s the first time i openly talk about the idea of suicideright now i m fighting so many things i have serious familiar problems i really don t know how to go on sometimes i realize that if i don t give up i ll have a successful life the only thing i have to do is waiting i can t do it sometimes i just find myself crying it s so difficult to understand what i feel i only want to end everything,1
tonight is the night i end it all nothing left and no one to care ive lost everything no family no friends no job no life ive got nothing left to live for and no one to go on caring for ive made up my mind and this is the end i needed to say this somewhere because no one will ever find anything id write on paper ,1
fellow redditor needs help has made several posts and needs help from us today some have been deleted but heres some others,1
no hope for me gonna be a loser for life someone please talk to me hello,1
amplanning on doing it in 20 minutesi amstarting to feel desperate i dont even know if i should tell my friends since i only know them through the internet and theyll figure outi amdead or something eventually anywayim so scarededit i dont know if it means anything to add this but i didnt do it still in a nasty state of mind but i didnt do it,1
amsick of feeling like my feelings arent real unless theyre experienced in a certain way so maybe killing myself will convince me that i really am sufferingeven ifi am not really suicidal dont know i just wish i was someone else and i know no one will give a shit about that theyll just say be yourself and leave it at that because obviously your persona that annoys people isnt going to cause problems because people will accept you for who you are for some reasonthis life is pointless after all i dont do anything i have no motivation no confidence nothing i dont know why i manage to go onmaybe it doesnt matter if whati amexperiencing is real or not but then id have no reason to do this or maybe it doesnt matter to have a reason jesus i can never keep things consistent in my mind maybe this would be a good thing even if it would hurt everyonewhats the point in trying if i lack to strength to do whatever i want without worrying about being judged or failingi wish i was a guy and i cant even convince myselfi amtransgender because i dont experience it like most of them do i dont have fucking gender dysphoriai amdeluding myself yet id bother killing myself over itwhy am i so dramatici am not cringing irl i just feelempty is that the right wordbut if i did feel a bit more id be cringingmehi still have some life in me i could bother saving myself but i dont feel like it now is the perfect opportunity to justdo somethingabout iti act like an annoying main character in a book i use i too much i feel different from everyone else and focus on it so much that i fail to see how my feelings are legitimate and i whine too much about it i just want people to feel bad for me i want to show themi amsuffering that my life sucks thati am really this great special person that everyone should love because i have no bad intentions yet i troll my own friends when i feel jealousthe wanting sympathy part honestly its probably another reason for the impostor syndrome shitbecause i am faking it somewhatmaybe feeling likei amfaking it is fake too likei am doing that for attention i knowi amposting on reddit for attention i knowi amkilling myself for attention everything is just a cry for help i annoy friends i hardly talk to them about this sort of shit anymore because i feel likei amsuch a burden for them so i go to reddit and i literally post shitty things to strangers and expect sympathy obviously i dont always get it ive used multiple accounts ive acted far too dramatic ive basically been a stupid little bitch bitch doesnt even feel like a good word for mei ampractically the opposite of a slut i purposely make myself look ugly to rebel against the shitty way society views women theyre sex toys with thin revealing clothing with too much makeup and they have to shave in places where men dont have to fuck thati need to end it i dont want to keep going in circles i just want to forget about everything and not have to be reminded by my own brain about all the crappy things ive done the shitty event in my life which might be considered traumatic as i ironically feel a lot worse over it than the day my mom died but its all selfinflicted but no one will fucking get it and if i dare talk about it my identity is at risk of being exposed even though i wasnt that popularim not really suicidal amjust selfishwho gives a shiti meani amdepressed right but i havent even seen a therapist so how the fuck do i know if part of that isnt made up toowait why am i calling part of it realprobably because i know i have somethingits just not legit anymorei dont know if i will actually do it maybe i will maybe i wont like most times where i didnt i felt too shitty and lazy to do homework and i will fail my math test tomorrow and i dont knowi dont want to see the light anymore and convince myself not to dieisnt that wonderful not really but it sounds incredibly stupidlike againi ammaking this all up because i like feeling the pain otherwise i wouldve taken steps to improve my moodlike getting enough sleep and eating healthily and shitim not suicidal why am i doing thisfuck everythingi may or may not do this maybe i will just chicken out becausei ama loser i dont knowi think reincarnation exists though so maybe i will be able to try againi hope i wont fuck it upmy name is victoria and i ama confused selfish dramatic loser at least if i did this it would be the last time i hurt people even if it hits them hard it would be the last and theyd get over it,1
life is too much in the last 5 years my life has been hell went into business with family aged 21 got fucked over cheated and ripped off by a lot of people nearly had my marriage split up over it my stress and anxiety levels have been cranked up to the max for so long i dont remember what happy feels like my family betrayed me and abandoned me havent even bothered to contact me in over a yeari bought a house with my husband i thought having something to focus on would make me better it was a terrible idea the house is so fucked i thinki am going to go bankrupt trying to fix it my husband moved to the other side of the world for a new job and i ammeant to go over too so i have two weeks to try and finish it find a renter and get ready to move to a different country and i just dont see it happening ive already injured myself trying to do all the work that needs a team by myselfbasically i feel like i should just give up now i keep trying and i either fuck it up or get screwed over and i amsick of iti amsick of putting on a happy facei amsick of being positive for other people and i amsick of being in pain all the time i want to finish it but i dont want to upset whoever will find me that is literally the only thing that stopped me tonight still trying to be too damn considerate of other people so i guess i will just go down a bottle of wine and see what tomorrow might bring or ifi amlucky i just wont wake up ,1
reincarnation sounds amazing the idea of a restart just by killing myself is too tempting i keep hearing stories that if you die and you get a restart what i would give to restart my whole life knowing whats going to happen to meeven if it isnt true death would better than my life now i was bullied for 10 years where i was pushed around and called names and all the effort i put into my studies and club which resulted in average grades and a meaningless certificate i lied to people that i had good grades before because it hurt admitting that there were nights i stayed up studying weeks before my major exams and it meant nothingi finally got out of that shit hole and i wasted my chances people kept complimenting me and i got arrogant and my short temper got the best of me my first friend i made in my new school was amazing she was there whenever i felt down and there for me when people pushed me around but she couldnt stand my attitude everyone kept warning me but only until i lost my friend did i realise what an asshole i amif i jump the pain would end at worst and at best i get another shot to make things right,1
my note is always bad and wrong just like me this fucking note just never sounds authentic and i dont know what advice to put after my death like wills what to do with my body song to play at my funeral and stuff like that i cant even put what i feel into words so is anyone ever going to forgive me but i cant live in agony been to councilling but it tells you things are difficult just power through them and thats it i mean its good for some just not me ive been told i will always feel like this ive just got to cope but i cant cope kill me,1
people say things get better but its not likei amever going to stop hating myselfi amsure that any problem i have with college trying to find a job or relationships is temporary but i hate myself and i always have i hate this depression i hate how ugly i am i hate how shy i am i hate how scared of everything i am i hate the random rage fits i have theres nothing that i like about myself and why should i expect that to change i cant just get rid of all these flaws theyre all part of me i hate myself more than anything on this planet every day i imagine taking a bunch of pills and oding but i dont have any to do it withi genuinely cant see why people like me like i have close friends who really like me and i have no idea why i suck,1
amon my last limbi am trying so hard to hang oni amlosing myself i was driving home today and i pulled over on the highway and had to stop myself from running into the street the urge gets harder and harder to ignore every day,1
i literally dont know i cant explain whati amfeeling to anyone its the usual i have few friends none of them care about me i have a terrible family i have no motivation to do anything at all closeted gay in a homophobic environment obese and unattractive but i dont get it these things are all common i knowi am not the only depressed person in the world but i know that i dont relate or feel like any of them ive never been passionate about anything more than just dying i feel like i dont even want it to get better likei amliterally lusting over dying but i am too much of a pussy to do it ive really tried talking to people but i amaware of how much bullshit is passed on just to make people realize they dont actually wanna die which is true for some people but is it possible to be in a situation where death is the only option i just really really hate the idea of being alive and i am not even kidding the only thing keeping me alive is not being able to do the actual deed not because i dont want to but becausei amscared of it i feel like i have plenty of reasons to be depressed yet none of them are what makes me want to be dead it feels likei amjust not meant to be alive in some way and its soo hard to explain this without sounding weird idek whyi amwriting this guess i needed to vent,1
i want to be in pain sometimes my hands shake and i just want to smash them with a hammer i talk to myself so much but i dont really ever have anything nice to say to myself but i still feel likei ama better friend to myself than anyone else will ever be is there someone out there for me sometimes i really hope not i always convince myself thati ambest alone any time spent on me is time wasted i just want to diei amsure people would barely notice or care it seems that when people say they feel bad that someone they knew maybe at school or work kills themself its more selfish than theyd ever admit does anyone really care about my life or do they just care about the uniform routine of their own i feel like everyone would be more sad that now something is different people dont like change but a lot of people dont like me either so maybe my death would be a good change the kind that everyone wants in their life sometimes you want to become rich maybe famous maybe you just want to meet that special someone you just want to be happy you want your life to change in a good way i feel like everyone around me could only ever be happy if i died slowly and painfully maybei amtheir good change not my life but my death,1
why shouldnt i do it ive been in college for about a month now and its the worst experience of my life my grades are shit and theyre only gonna get worse because i can barely motivate myself to get up in the morning and go to class i have no friends here because nobody likes me it doesnt help that i cant talk to people the only friends i still have are two from high school and one of them hasnt talked to me in over a week ive already set a date and i dont see why i should stick around when theres nothing here for me to live for ,1
i cant take this anymore hey i smoke all daynight wheni amoff work by myself in the dark with my dog and netflix thats wheni amhappiest and i amokay with that please dont hurt yourself i often feel unwanted too but after i smoke i realize that ive let my mind wander trick me youre in control i hope you find peace ,1
amafraid i might end up killing myself okay soi am not really new to reddit but this is my first time talking about this on this site just needed to get this off my chestim just a couple months away from graduating college but i amunder a lot of pressure right now and my anxiety is out of controli amhaving suicidal thoughts and i am really scared the same thing happened when i was about to graduate high school first came the anxiety then there was a suicide attempt and then the worst depressive episode i have ever experienced in my life i dont want to kill myself as of right now but the idea seems less and less irrational as time goes by i feel like i could just lose it at some point and just do it without really thinking that much,1
i feel too much all the fucking time i have had debilitating anxiety and ocd since i was a kid at one point it became so overwhelming i fell into a horrible depression and tried to commit suicide years later i am no longer depressed at least i dont believe so but very often still want to kill myself part of it is my ocd some of my intrusive thoughts are suicide based but a lot of it comes from the fact that the anxiety and ocd entirely rule my life i cant get through college because i cant turn in papers and i cant navigate certain social situations because i cant seem to talk everything is too overwhelming with no perceivable future and the shame that comes along with that i just find myself wondering all the time if it would just be easier just not to exist anymore ,1
running out of ideas i feel like my entire life has just been distractions and procrastinating until one day i will run out of ways to put off suicidei amsick of saying i will just wait one more day i dont want to try anymorei am so exhausted i cant remember a time before i was depressed there has always been something wrong with me i wish i could rely on someone else for a few moments but i am too much of a burden to carry i ruin everything i touch and have no future i cant keep doing this ,1
i dont know why this is happening to me everything was going great i was really happy with life for the second time in my life the first time was 2015 summer and it felt like i was in heaven i was feeling great but something made me feel like this i used to have real problems i used to be alone at school and no one except for my few friends cared about me but now i am going to different school i left everything behind i dont have problems being alone anymore but still when i think what will happen next i just get the view of me fucking everything up and i cant cope with it anymore every time i try to think about whati am going to do i just say kill yourself the world doesnt need you anyway and i dont know why it is happening i attempted 3 times and they all ended up with me saying dont do it but i still want to do it i just need some advice on how to cope with this i cant tell this to anyone because my friends simply wouldnt care i cant sleep i cant relax i cant do anything because a lot of my life is just me thinking what i would do next and you all know what happens when i think about that,1
the ungrateful have everything and more why is it that theres so many ungrateful people with families who love them and all my life ive just been aiming to create a family who will love me backtheres girls with amazing hard working boyfriends and i cant even get someone to commit to me after two yearseveryone lies to me everyone doesnt thinki amenough for themi dont get whyi amhere people just use and hurt me i dont want to feel this pain anymoreeveryone scares me i have no trust in anyone no matter what and my intuition is always righti want to die so badly and i have been wanting to for so long i just want the courage to do it for once i need to get it over with so this pain will go away people have hurt me for too long and all i want is just for one person to love me and no matter how hard i try i cant even get thatit comes so simply to others but for some reasoni amunlovable whyi ama good person i go so far out of my way just to make sure i dont give someone the false intention that i dont care about their feelings yet people continue to use and lie to me and take advantage of me and use me up until theyve had their funi just want to die i have nothing to live for probably going to cut myself as soon as i can find my scissors thats the only thing that calms me down my life is pathetici ampathetici ama loser a failure an idioti amugly stupid worthless he was right theres no use for me being on this earth i pray i will be able to get it over with sooni am tired of lifei am tired of pain i just want someone to hug me and help me thats all why cant i have that thats all i ask for ,1
suicide option is liberating i know this sounds odd but it was so liberating when i determined that suicide was a realistic option for me now if i lose my job rather than trudge through the public embarrassment of losing my home and my family have to give up the cushy lifestyle we have now or making them move to a strange city there is a plan b suicide i kill myself and my family gets an instant financial windfall more than i could provide in 10 years so this realization has freed me up nowi amlike fuck it i started my own business on the side because if it fails who cares at worst i kill myself which is an option at best i am successful and can make my wife and kids proud of me knowing that i can always kill myself has also freed me up in how i deal with people too ive cut my abusive father out of my life because well why not if all goes to shit because i cut him out i just pull the plug and end itodd way to look at it but knowing that the worst thing that can happen is i die has liberated me in a way that nothing else has not thati amencouraging anyone to commit suicide get help your life is worth living even if mine one day wont be,1
been a while trigger i use to vent on here and the depression r reddit alot and for some reason id get alot of rude people commenting on my post but anyways i cant say that things have improved i had a rough time with the system when i started counseling last year i believe i dont know my mind is hazyi had two horrendous experiences with my first two counselors and during this my father got sick and passed away then i was told that i couldnt go there for counseling anymorelater on my significant other left me and i suffered until i reconnected with my close friend again and they helped me seek counseling but during this i got involved with someone who was bad for my mental health and i ended up overdosing again a few timesmy friend was supportive at first but they seemed to have burned out and i amunsure if my current counselor really cares about helping mei dont really have much faith in the system after everything that ive been through,1
amjust apathetic whats the point of being herei amjust here to make other people happy so long story short i had a boyfriend that i was crazy about i was actually happy for once in my life and felt like life had purpose we broke up after a year and a half about two months ago he told me that he wanted to marry me he almost proposed hes now dating another girl for a month now and has told her he loves her and wants to marry her i am not naive to think he really loves her the idiot just cant tell the difference between love and infatuation regardless hes still a happy idiot and i ammiserablesoi am going through the process of grieving i went crazy and was very close to killing myself the only reason i didnt is because of my familyi amgetting better ive had moments where ive accepted it and am ready to move on but the thing is i think this is the besti amgonna be until i find someone else like this is basically how i was before i met him just pretty apathetic about lifei amstarting to make friends and trying to better myself but for what so i can force myself to tolerate this life so i dont kill myself to keep other people happyi am in law school and i am trying to focus on the material and do the readings but i amfalling behind because i just dont care anymore i have to force myself to do this so i can get a job to support myself one day so i can tolerate this life sweetyeah maybe i will meet someone else one day that makes me feel happy like my ex did but what happens when he leaves too like my ex almost proposed to me everyone in my family loved him i thought everything was great between us then bam hes fallen out of love with me like fuck how am i supposed to trust after that and whats shittier is that i still miss him i tell myself over and over that i dont but i do i would probably take him back even though i tell myself over and over that i wouldnt or what if i never meet someone that makes me feel that way again thats whati ammost afraid of if i wanted to be in a relationship again i could just none of the guys have had that spark that i had with my ex i dont know what that spark is but i amaddicted to it like i literally could never get tired of being around my ex like i almost wish i was the kind of person who needed some space because i probably wouldnt be so fucked in the head but i could literally spend every moment with that person and feel happy of course theres fights and its not always roses but even the shitty times with him are better than these apathetic moments life felt like it had purpose now it feels like theres no point now its just me surviving and putting on a smile so other people arent sad which i mean i get it itd be selfish of me to trade my apathy for their sadness but this isnt fulfilling this is just being another number in the world i wish i just never existed that way no one could be sad over me because they never would have known me and i wouldnt hurt because i never would have known what life is i wish i wouldnt have screwed things up with him yeah he didnt buy me presents or do things that i wanted to do and thats shitty that makes me a pushover and pathetic but i was still happier being a pushover than i am for trying to have standards for myself we arent going to talk ever again we arent friends on facebook anymore and he blocked me on instagram the only communication i have left with him is just seeing his name pop up on the list of people who have viewed my snapchat story and you know how pathetic i am it makes my whole day when i see his name there its why i go out and try to have a life so i can post pictures on there and so hell see them and then i feel depressed until hes looked at it its pathetic and sad but thats what i am ,1
anything is there anything i could take or do i wish there was something i could take where i felt no pain just take it and go to sleepi amsuch a coward i know but man it would so much easier,1
not a goodbye just an acknowledgement hello i am relatively new to reddit and its a bit sad to say its because of this subreddit i have finally decided to become an active user not in the sense that this subrredit led me to becoming suicidal more in the sense that ive come to this website more and more to escape from my life and today was the culmination of all of it because ive found a place where i dont have to lie or pretend to be someonei am noti ama compulsive liar i suspect that is so because i want to retain a sense of control over my life but that is a topic for another time i still dont feel comfortable enough to post my own story here not that i dont trust the people here its just difficult for me posting something so personal somewhere so public which i know is paradoxical because its a public anonimity and everyones intention here is to help or to seek out helpfor themselves but still i have a hard time showing my own wounds to anyone but me in the mirror that sounded really cringy sorry about that what i really wanted to do in this post is to commend everyone that put time away just so they could help others that are going through similar situations the energy you guys dispense is your own you are sharing these beautiful sincere and absolutely touching messages of togetherness and understanding that you can hear these scattered individuals silent screams and that they sound unfortunately familiar to a lot of other peoples your fight is your own but the pain you feel is close to somebody elses that loneliness that separation everyone who has ever had something like this in their lives has gone through that feeling of an especially made pain for you dont hold on to it dont nurture it remember that many have beaten it so can you so can i so can everyone in this subreddit i am typing this message for you guys because you too deserve support i know for a fact youve saved lives but unfortunately people dont recognize you much for it and i know that is not the point nevertheless i admire your courage and perseverance you are amazing thank you for the ones in more precarious situations the ones that write or read for support of their own i have a bit of advice some days ago i was feeling especially down so i decided to walk alone i talk to myself a lot so i kept reciting these sad mumblings about my life to myself i just know that at some point i started to run with tears going down my face and with me just insulting life in general it helped there was a lot i had inside of me and fortunately it helped i have been worse than this bound to my bed empty and cold i can feel that coming back in those times i tried suicide never managed to go through but i ambeing completely honest what kept me going was a violent hatred for life fear and selfdoubt i dont have any selfconfidence so i just kept questioning my decisions strangely enough that helped me get through that rough patch the conclusioni am trying to reach is dont feel inadequate for your sadness dont feel like a coward for being afraid and dont feel like its your fault life is shit i know its easier said than done but truly remember you your body your mind whatever you want its fighting for you to stay alive your knowledge of your situation may help you help others your pain can one day become a strength unlike anybody elses if so many have battled through you can too youve taken a beating now use that blood to uh idk fucking skate over and punch life straight in the dick and if you need just come back herem and we will remind you why life is better than what it feels like much strength my dudes and wish me some too,1
just want to go awayi am17 years old male and i just want to go away again a few months ago i ran away from home because i was just done with life ive never had a reason to keep on living i just went through life without a goal i used to have a good amount of friends but they left me a year ago i made new friends and they left me too my life has only been downs and periods of time where its alright no positives i dont feel joy in livingi also feel likei am not allowed to make my own choices in life i have to follow all the rules that a couple of random people have decided on i dont really feel likei amliving my own life but while i was running away from home i did feel like i had the freedom to do whatever i want i liked that feeling but the police found me after i sent my location to one of my best friends who promised not to tell the police i felt betrayed and felt even shittier than before and since then december 2016 i havent had any positive moments in my lifei dont know what the fuck i want to do wheni amolder but i dont care anyway we all share the same ending to our life death so why not end it now or just make your own choices in what you want to do i really want to go away again either running away or just making an end to it altogether i know that some people will miss me but i dont want to stay just so i can make others feel better it sounds selfish but i wouldnt care anyway if i were deadgone and most of my friends already left me anywayi just want to go away,1
when you are the source of your problems most often people want to kill themselves because of problems coming to them like abuse bullying i willnesses etc but how do you cope when your problems are caused by you and only you i do cringeworthy shameful things and spill spaghetti out of my pocket way too often shame embarrassment regret and lowself worth run through my body everyday at a great intensity i dont feel any sort of direct sadness lonelines or grief so that probably makes my problems a little different from most others here i often invalidate myself because of this i feel like since every problem is caused by mei am not allowed to treat it like a problem but i am still allowed to validate my feelings this is a rational thought in my head so i guess thats a good start but i cant bring myself to feel it i still feel ashamed embarrassed regretful and of low selfworth all the timedoes anybody have any tips on how to overcome these feelings,1
whats the point i cant read i cant write i can barely think i cant keep up with the amount of reading and writing assigned to mei amoverloadedi ama 5th year student at university with really bad adhd and depression as well as ptsd and i amstruggling to see the point i cant lessen my load or i wont graduate in may like ive been working towards ive been suicidal for years and i amclose to my breaking point ,1
lost everything becausei ama full blown narcissist the woman of my dreams a prospering career friends that people dream of having every moment is painful and it only gets worse and worse i want to end it but cant bring myself to do it that human will to survive is unbelievable why do you think youre a narcissist the way i understand things the vast majority of narcissists would never admit it which is why they cant ever get help and for donkeys ears it was believed that there is no cure for narcissism but apparently the underlying cause is recently assumed to be profound shame so heal the shame and cure the narcissism supposedlybut again most narcs never admit it which is why theres a high likelyhood that youre not so why do you think youre a narcissist ,1
i want to die ive been depressed for a few years and i see no hope my girlfriend is the inly thing stopping me from ending it all because i love her too much to do that to her but sometimes it isnt enough i really want to kill myself i feel empty or i feel completely depressed but i cant bring myself to do it becausei am too selfish i just want all the pain to end ,1
hello sw i will just dive right in to thisive been contemplating suicide for almost two months now and plan on ending myself before the year ends ive been struggling with depression for over a year now and was recently diagnosed with did both of which have made my life a living hell my parents are abusive i feel further from my friends every day collapsing into myself back in august my soulmate left me and ever since ive been plauged with ptsdtype flashbacks of when we were together about a week ago i started hearing voices and hallucinating i havent gotten a diagnosis yet but i suspect it might be schizophrenia my health has been failing rapidly over the last few weeks and every time i close my eyes i feel likei am not here like i dont exist i dont see the point in going on and i dont care about wether theres an afterlife and wether its better or worse than life as isi amtoxicly aggressive and its ruined almost ever friendship ive ever been in i just dont give a fuck about anyone or anything anymore not sure what prompted me to post this but whateveri am not killing myself tonight however i wish i had the courage to if i had a gun i would have shot my brains out already ive come to terms with the fact that at the end of the day all i will be is another statistic and i would rather leave than give any more i havent told anyone in my life about my suicidal thoughts other than my shrink i want to work up the courage to tell my best friend but i dont want to run the risk of losing him too tldri amfucked in the head and too weak to get help or end it,1
i feel like the only reason i havent killed myself yet is because of my grandparents i inherited my dads temper i push everyone i care about awayi am not someone people like to hear from school is way too difficult for mei amdefinitely not smart enough for iti amugly as fuck with tons of pimples even my best friend doesnt like talking to me lmaotheres just no point so yeah i feel like when my grandparents diei amprobably going to follow them i just cant stand any of thisi was molested and nobody wants damaged goods when a guy gets molested people just back away nobody cares sure they feel bad but they dont want to be your friend or anything everyone looks at you differently if you tell them theres no point in telling anyone i just cant take iti cant read anymore my adhd got really bad and i just cant focus on a book anymore or writing and any work i just cant,1
i just had to walk away from my last solid emotional support the person i loved most in the world spiraled into this selfdestructive abuser and i cant help her at least until she starts caring about herself againbut she was my last solid piece of support in the world and nowi amjust a complete mental wreck and i know every hour of the next week is just waiting to see if maybe something good will come from the seeds i have sown in other parts of my life or losing hope and spiraling but every moment of waiting is going to be another moment i just want to die,1
i miss having someone to cry with i used to have someone in my life who would cry just because they saw me crying and i miss that so much ha now i just cry alone in the dark and it makes me cry even more i just want somebody to care about me that much again but no one does and sometimes i feel like no one ever will again but maybe thatd be for the best i mean at least nobody would have to waste their time with a paranoid idiot like mei am still pretty young though so maybe i will be fine i never feel like i will though,1
can tonight please be the night i die of a freak accidenti am tired of waiting and trying all these therapists psychiatrists medications etci am tired of calling the suicide hotline only to be put in an even worse mood afteri am tired of having literally no one to be with physicallyi am tired of longing for some kind of human compassioni am tired of going outside when cops are out there on the off chance theyd stop to ask me questions just so someone talks to mei am tired of wanting to eat as a way to cope with my depression then feel too sick to eat any food given to me and end up wasting iti am tired of feeling exhausted from the moment i wake up to the moment i lay down because of no other reason than my medication although i have to take it to feel normal yet i still feel just as shitty maybe a little more numbi am tired of trying and receiving fake happiness only for the sadness to come back shortly afteri am tired of being optimistic about everything especially when someone talks to me becausei amway too clingy and attach myself to someone who shows any kind compassion for mei am tired of being on the verge of crying but never actually being able to which results in all this shit building up and having no way to release iti amfucking tired and i want to fucking die already but dont have the fucking balls to kill myself,1
the past 6 months drained all of my energy i just wanna get this off my chest as i have nobodyi amwilling to talk to about thisi had to deal with health problems for a long time 8 years to be exact i wasnt able to go to school or work i sat at home all day and played games i lost a lot of friends was depressed and had my first suicide thoughts this is fairly irrelevant now but it may help to understand why i feel the way i do right nowin august 2016 i was finally able to start my apprenticeship as i was able to get my health problems under control i was able to work and go to school i gained new friends and good things happened in life by februarymarch i was happy with how things were going for the first time in 8 yearsbut then in april one of my best friends died in a motorcycle accident he lost control over his bike and hit an oncoming bus headon he died instantly this put me into a big hole my health problems started again i started missing at work sometimes i was in the office maybe 12 days a month i had to take medication to even make it to school i felt like complete shit during that time but did not have any suicide thoughts yet because everything else was going wellduring that time i lost contact to a girl i like a lot i dont have a crush on her or anything i just like her a lot as a person we talked and chatted a lot and everytime i was on the phone with her i was able to forget all my problems and it made me happy we talked about all kinds of stuff but i never told her this story but my constant asking to talk annoyed her a lot i could sometimes tell it did especially cause i knew she wasnt doing too well herself at that time but i still asked because i was depressed felt like shit and wanted to talk to someone to her she was the only person that could make me forget everything just before summer holidays we had a big falling out and we cut contact which made me feel even worse at firsti had 3 weeks of holidays in which i could relax and think a lot it helped me forget everything and feel a lot better but i couldnt forget her so before going back to school i texted her and we talked again i told her the whole story hoping shed understand why i acted like i did i told her thati amvery sorry i was a burden to her in a time she had to deal with her own problems i asked her if she could forgive me and give me a second chance she said shell think about it but 3 weeks later i know from a friend of her that she isnt really interested in keeping up contact with me anymorei am still in a big up and down rollercoaster from what happened in the past 6 months some days i feel great and the next day i think about how easy it would be to get rid of all my problems to forget everything i sometimes go days and weeks without being able to motivate myself for anything i just wanna lay in bed all day and cry but this with her this is really the last straw for me i have never met anyone who has such similar views about life and everything as i do i really miss talking to her on the phone or just chatting all day long i cant even put into words how much i regret everything i did i wish i could undo it but i canti could never do it myself i couldnt do it to my family my friends and everyone around me i know there will be better times eventually i have everything i could ask for in life but i amalmost hoping someone would run me over on my bike tomorrow and end my miserythank you for reading i already feel a lot better for now at least,1
my son an 11 year old cat had to be euthanized september 22nd my son sushi was suffering and could barely breathe due to fluid around his lungs they my vets tried to extract it but couldn t reach it i could either have transferred him to the emergency vet which i can afford to try and let them try to save him with a prognosis if not surviving or i could end his suffering via euthanization i couldn t let him suffer anymore he s my he was my baby boy i suffer from ptsd depression and anxiety my animals two dogs and sushi are my whole fucking world they re the reasons i get up every day the reasons i am still alive because i know nobody else would love them and take care of them like i do and now sushi my son is gone and there s nothing i can do i shouldn t of given up i should of tried i didn t want him to suffer anymore either i feel like i failed him i love him so much i can t believe this is happening i keep thinking i ll wake up with him in my arms or see him come around the corner i held him in my arms as he died i saw him pass away he didn t want to die he wanted to live i shouldn t of let them do it but i didn t want him to die in pain either i can t forgive myself i can t fucking stop crying and calling his name i just want my son back i would give anything to have him back anything i would sell my soul i would give every limb every dime of money every possession just to hold him in my arms and know that he s alive and well i have never been in so much pain in my entire fucking life i ve never hurt this bad ever i ve never felt so much guilt so much pain and i ve been through hell so many times i don t want to be alive anymore i ve survived for sushi angel and delilah for so long and nothing i ve done was good enough he s gone and i can t bring him back and it s killing me fucking killing me people say it ll get better it won t i m not that type of person my animals are my children they re all i fucking have and i live for them literally i work just to take care of them to be able to get them good food medical treatment when needed i wake up to be there for them i go through every bit of pain just to be here for them it wasn t fucking good enough i fucking failed him i held him as he died he didn t fucking want to die i could tell he wanted to stay with me i don t know what to do it hurts so bad i can t stop sobbing every fucking day i don t want to work anymore i don t want to be alive anymore i don t want to suffer anymore and i know i ll never recover from this i know i can t get past this and i just lay here by myself thinking of him holding his bed in my arms his toys the halloween costume i bought for him shouting his name and just fucking sobbing and saying how sorry i am i don t know what to fucking do i just want my baby boy back so fucking badly i am so sorry sushi i love you so much i want to be with you,1
got the note written cant do it i know i have to do this but i dont know how ive put a rope in the tree but i cant bring myself to do it i thought i could do it and then faint and be unconscious during the bad part i dont know how to do this but ive got to i wish someone could come give me a shot or an iv or something i hate guns i need it to be quick and painless,1
i feel like i will attempt soon i havent exactly planned anything but i know which method i will use and i have the ability to obtain that method i have a bad feeling i will just take a gamble soon wake up fuck ok dont wake up well i will probably be too dead to notice and if there is an afterlife then i will know then ,1
wondering what to do with my last one or two weeks i am not looking for help i know this is a community for those who do and ive posted before but this time ive decided for sure i want to live the last days of my life having fun but since i will be dead everything feels kinda pointless any suggestions for what to do before i go,1
when you have thoughts about suicide how do you stop themget rid of them i dont so i cant help i just leave them and in a few weeks month i hope they go away,1
not a lot of time lefti am doing 20 pills and a bottle of cough syrup a day now havent eaten in 4 days i think tonight will be the night my liver really hurts i wanted to look somewhat healthy to walk in the gun shop tomorrow to not give anything away that was the original plan get a gun dont really want to do it at moms house though too messy the plan now is to take 30 plus pills and two bottles in the next hour probably survive it though i stopped reaching out to people here becausei am not going to the ward again all i have is reddit you i dont have a message i dont curse god i just dont belong i dont hate anyone i love everyone no where else to go now one post to you one prayer to him its time,1
gonna kill myself ifi am still alone by the time i finish collegei amsick and tired of bursting into tears every time i see a couple on tv or in real life after i finish collegei amprobably never going to meet anyone any attempts to do online dating have all burned into flames and i amjust done 3 more years and i can finally end this fucking nightmare of a life i was cursed with,1
i dont want to die i fucked up last night and i want to tell someone but no one i know becausei am so ashamedi had gone a few weeks without drinking but i broke my streak last night and drank a bottle of wine wanted to get drunker so i biked to the grocery store to pick up a handle i remember thinking i dont mind if i get hit and i shouldnt do this but whatever and i am so fucking alarmed with myself nowalthough i changed my tune a few blocks in from i dont care if i die tonight to actually i dont want to die but i do need milk and would like some more booze and i rode very carefully and took sidewalks for a lot of it to minimize interactions with cars so i feel like i might be overreacting but ive been lowkey suicidal for maybe 8 years now and just ended a threeyear relationship a few months ago and it had been painfully deteriorating for about a year before that and ive been feeling so fucking lost and hopeless and alone i work like 60 hours a week so i dont have to think about anything maybe its the combo of all that shit stress and alcohol and loneliness that let me get that close to it but i really dont want to be that close to itbut i feel more sure than i have in months that i really want to live i dont want to die i dont want to get that close i also dont want to get drunk alone ever again because its just stupid it makes me feel like shit and its a waste of money and i dont like that it lowered my inhibitions with suicide so much,1
amrunning out of energy ive been fighting this urge for so long i just dont know how much more i have in me i want so badly just to off myself but i dont want to abandon my family or put that burden on them so instead i wait here in this empty shell of a person hoping to simply fall over dead from some random wild disease but patience is not something ive really ever been good withi amat a fork in the road with the road ive already traveled crumbling behind and nothing but the choice of plummeting into an abyss or scaling an impossible cliff face in front of me i dont want to make the climb because i know for damn sure i will slip and fall but i cant go backwards because the road is crumbling and id just wind up back here in the future anyway i can make the leap into the abyss but i dont want my loved ones to follow me who gets to dictate this stuff who gets to decide what i do to myself certainly not anyone but myself yet somehow i feel obligated to stick around for the sake of my familys well being even though i dont contribute much at all ,1
help me take my mind off thisi amcurrently in the middle of a long journey by train after a distressing thing that happened earlier today i cant hold back the tears i want to cry and scream but i cant i feel helpless and the only thing i can think of is wanting to end the pain thats in my chest and stop the thoughts and thats the only thing that gives me comfort the thought that this can all end as soon as i get out of this miserable journey i dont really have the energy to type out the whole story here but suffice to say thati am tired of people i love treating me without any empathy at alli amon the way to having a good career and i amfairly talented but i feel that my life is a waste i smile at people at work all day and pretend thati amokay but i cry a lot i oftentimes take a walk alone and just cry my own family thinks that whatever distresses me isnt serious and sometimes say thati amjust messed up on the inside or if it were that serious id have tried to do something drastic already i see a therapist but i get no real help i almost want to end my life just to prove them wrongi want these episodes where i just cry cry and cry to just stop i feel horrible and helpless and it takes a lot for me to convince myself that tomorrow will be a better daythere are a few days wheni amhappy but every night before i go to sleep i always hope that tomorrow is not the day when it all ends again for me and then i go through days and days of just trying to survive because i have to the problem is i want to survive its just that people around me seem to try to do everything to prevent this whenever they figure out my vulnerabilitymy only hope in life is to be happy in the longterm but after many years of struggling i just want to know why shit always seems to happennow thati am trying not to cry in a public place where people are just trying to peacefully live their lives i think ive hit a new low that i didnt think was possible where i shed tears uncontrollably in a public place ive seen people laugh i hate myself and i hate that my life has taken this turnim expected at work tomorrow dressed up looking good and my suffering tonight will have been for nothing my life wont have changed and no one still understands my pain ,1
idk idk how much longer i can do this today just feels fucking bad i just feel so damn numb the desire to do something stupid is strong as hell and i dont know what to do i really cant take this shiti ambarely hanging on ,1
am going to kill myself in a couple of days i know this is about to be the end for me i completely isolated myself over three years ago i turned my phone off for a year my son said he doesnt want to come see me anymore and i can find any reason to live its not really sad its justis he has friends and a little brother now and he wont need me my mom died and i broke off an engagement and lost a job in a months time and i guess it was too much people are self serving and predictable and i just cant do this anymore i find myself researching ways to do it wheni ambored i settled on a methodi ampurchasing all the required equipment now its so funny this is not a rash decision its not even like a conscience decision but its something i know i am going to do look out for each other in this worldi amquite fond of my chosen methodology i bought a honda portable generator and a two man tenti am going to go spend a day or two of meditation in yellowstone and then place carbon monoxide warnings on the tent at night and run the generator with a half full tank in the tent that way it will be off and clear of cm in the morningi am going to die under the stars in yellowstone,1
still havent changed my mind i dont think so anywayi amdone i dont fucking know what to doi am in the van wirh friends heading back home all i want to do is get out of the car and leap into trafficfuck thisi amjust done feeling this way i dont knowi am trying to reach out but i feel too far gone like some kind of lost cause,1
i dont want to hurt myself anymore you dont know me ive posted various times on this subreddit with several throwaways thank you all for your support i have won my battle with depression and gender dysphoria and i have not contemplated suicide nor cut myself in over a month as someone who dreamed of dying in my sleep for at least 4 years and cut myself multiple times weekly for almost twice that this normalcy in my brain feels like euphoriathank you again all of you all the support you provide does make a difference,1
i have no idea whyi amcontemplating suicide but i am still interestedi amliving a pretty good life but i ampretty drunk and it just feels like an interesting thing to do you know it would end it all make me hopefully just forget all these thoughts i have all the time and cease to be it also was weird to be in the army holding that instrument of death in my hand at all times i might go grab it from the shelf,1
i dont think my parents love me anymore i dont feel the love my parents give when i wss a child my dad used to love me he always took care of me my mon too but when i was 12 things have changed they started having bias to my sister that my sister is more perfect than me nowi am13 and it got worst today i went in my sisters room and disturbed her but she chased me out and slammed the door after that my dad came out and kick me and took the stool and swing it at my back and used his leg to kick my leg,1
hows everyones night going anyone want to chat about anything,1
suicide in every way except for actually killing myself yet hey guys this is just a vent type of post so sorry if i come across as annoyingas you may be able to tell from the title i am committing suicide in every way besides actually doing the deed i will not actually kill myself yet as i am still living with my parents i love them to death they are the sole reason i have not hungused an exit bag yet even though i have all of the materialsi am17 male and pathetic i would tell you guys why but its kind of complicated and i think i explained it pretty well in my other posts you could check them out on my profile if youd likebasicallyi ampurposely sabotaging everything i have its a form of self punishmentphysical sabotage i used to workout but ever since i had a mental breakdown about sports and weightlifting i have been eating just enough to survive i do this to lose almost all my muscle mass and athleticism for example used to have 34 standing vertical jump but now it is about 24 by an extreme caloric deficit i am working on becoming severely underweight malnourished and very weak to the point that walking is a chore basically imagine a skeleton with hair i have not been drinking much water either and am trying to stay in a steady state of dehydration again drinking just enough to stay alive i never exercise and force myself for example to take the elevator instead of stairs i know i am extremely lucky and fortunate to have a family that cares and access to all basic necessities but i reject them all i knowi amselfish and uncaring for doing these things but this is how much i hate myself ive even though about getting rid of an arm or leg by making a deep gash into my skin then exposing the gash to infectious diseases this would hopefully cause amputations i still take showers and brush my teeth because i hate being a nuisance to other people by smelling or something otherwise my body is a complete mess rightfully sofinancial sabotage i have a job in lawn care and make about 1250hr which is pretty good for now i am keeping my job for only 2 reasons reason 1 i am saving money to ease the financial troubles my family is going through divorce and both parents have low income reason 2 all the money left over i donate because i dont deserve any of it i feel better when i have no money in my wallet because i know thats what is right for meeducational sabotage i am a pretty good student 465 gpa and 32 act12 act writing thats great and all but this year senior year i am purposely trying to tank my grades i am trying to get all cs or ds so i can barely pass i like to see myself fail tests and assignments even if i know the answers i still choose the wrong ones my grades and act are from freshmanjunior year when i used to be ambitious and attempting to get into university of pennsylvania that dream is gone i do not want to be successful its not worth anything so since i have an all or nothing mindset i am choosing nothingrelationship sabotage this one is probably the least effective on me i dont have many friends but the ones that i do have i am breaking ties with i do things to make them think thati ama very mean and selfish person i sometimes talk back to my teachers to make them think lowly of me as well i still try to do the best for my parents by taking care of them and faking happiness so they can be happy i dont know if its working i dont care they have done so much for me i want to return the favor even if its not sincereso this is it guysi ammethodically ruining my life so suicide isnt that extreme when the time comes i will wait it out until i am as distant as ive ever been to my parents read halfway across the world with minimal contact in order to end it now is not the right time i just wanted to thank you guys so much for reading this far if you have it means a lot to me usually i write better but i have a time limit and i amtyping on the road at each stoplight so there are many breaks in my writing i will see you guys tomorrow no suicide here just eternal suffering ,1
whats the point ive hit that wall made some dumb drugdrink mistakes which led to bad choicesi amwithdrawing from alcohol and it feels awful i cant bring myself to tidy my room its disgusting i mean actually embarrassing not just messy ive let myself go these last few months have been awful i dont know where to start i need to lose weight i miss my anorexia it was like a friend my body hurts from constant laxative ods and right now i just need to ramble and writei am sorry its all about me i dont thinki ammeant to be alive if an animal was violent i will or just not functioning it would be humane to put it down so why not me ,1
ffff id fucking kill myself right now if i hade a private place to do it ohmygod i hate myself so much and i wanna die so bad,1
its not that big of a deali amconsidering suicide because i am an absolute failure at life failed academically failed socially failed everything theres nothing in my life worth salvaging i think about my family a lot what it would put them through and that blocks me from doing it committing to it but what harm is it to them really they will be depressed for a little while and then get over it my mother is the onei amworried about the most she is very weak mentally and wouldnt be able to get over it but at the same time she has religion and i think thatd give her strength i hope so at least ive considered writing in my suicide note that i asked for forgiveness for whati amabout to do and i am not a religious person but if asking for forgiveness helps my mother deal with it then id definitely do it my brother and sister would be depressed for a little while but i see them getting through it they are strong my dad would be angry at me and rightfully so but i dont think hed have a hard time getting over it ive thought a lot about losing out on happy experiences and all that but the way i see it its better that someone who is happy and fulfilled in life gets to experience those things instead and i know that those people are out there experiencing those things so its not so bad someone gets to do it it just wont be me i have a noose made and a place i want to go to do it but i dont think its long enough and i amafraid i will botch it theres also a shotgun in the house that i can use but itll be really hard to get access to it since my dad has hidden the key ever since my first attempti amterrified that my family will blame everything and anything and end up getting frustrated and angry at the whole thing but its entirely my own faulti amentirely to blame i want them to blame me but not hate me and i guess thats all i can do,1
diy how to survive i have wanted to kill myself for as long as i can remember since i was a kidi am26 now and dont know how to deal with it i have hurt myself in different ways many times over the years but havent made a full out serious attempt to kill myself because no matter how much i want to no matter how much i hate being myself i could not do that to my family i have an amazing family and i know that i am so privileged to say that they know that i have been depressed and support me when i told them thati amtaking antidepressants the treatment helps a lot but even after several months of increased medication i still think about how much i want to kill myself every day i dont know how to deal with it its a bizarre feeling because i know how i want myself to be and its really not hard its just beyond my grasp and i cant make myself be that person no matter how hard ive tried i dont want to try anymore i know i wont try to really kill myself because i truly do love my family that much but i am not sure how to handle these feelings i have already been seeing my doctor and shes a great doctor and knows everything i have told a few close friends about how bad it is and theyre very supportive of helping me get better but i dont know what to do next i just dont want to exist and i wish that there was a way that my loved ones would support it like when you have assisted suicide from a doctor and everyone is okay with it because they know how you are suffering and theres no chance of recovery i have been trying so hard to recover for so long i dont want to do it anymore ,1
there is no way i am surviving this school yeari am going to kill myself before june of 2018 i dont know when but i know it will be before then i cant take school its 7 hours 5 days a week plus hw i dont like most of my friends i will probably just end up with a shit 9 to 5 that i hate so i feel better off dead sooni amlosing a lot of my time to bullshit that i hate ,1
tell me suicide isnt the answer you cant plain and simple life is worthless we all die every single one of us whats the point of prolonging the inevitable what the hell does it matter if i die now or 50 years from now some of you might say what about how your loved ones would feel if you killed yourself well i will tell you this nobody really cares about anybody else but themselves this isnt coming from a place of angst but of truth human beings only understand the self its all we know as long as we arent 100 certain that the self is all that exists put simply my parents would only be upset because of how they would feel not because of any arbitrary love for me even more simply love is not real it is only a chemical reaction in our brains on top of this every single thing we do in life is just to get a rush of dopamine there is literally nothing else some of you will throw some feel good bullshit at me go ahead try and convince me life is worth living,1
at the end of my endurance i am a 24 yr old m i am severely depressedi cant get over how horrible this world is i hate it and most of the disgusting people in it i think people are awful and most of them are only out for themselves crushing everyone else in their wakei am offered nothing except for religious condolences from my parents who are the only ones i talk to any more it makes me fucking sick there is nothing more infuriating than being told everything will be alright by religious people fuck off i dont give a shit where people spend their eternity if it exists when people are cancerous to others around them they should be excised just like a tumor and the last thing i want to hear is that theyll get theirs that is such a cop out i cant even begini cant cope any more i dont have anything left i want to kill myself i dont think theres anything left on this speck of dust for me ive always been an outcast ive never been liked but i never hurt anybody i just keep to myself i dont know why everyone doesnt like me i just dont want to be in pain anymoredoes it get better or does it just keep getting worse i knowi am not old enough to know properly perhaps life hurts,1
hate myself ive had depression for 4 years ive tried almost everything i can to cure myself but everything in my life has gone wrong ive waited and waited and waited for some miracle or change of cicumstances to occur that will put an end to all the pain but ive finally accepted thati amdoomed to live a life of constant suffering and torment is that a life really worth living at this point i think the only winning move is not to play ,1
18m overdosed few days ago miraculously survived going to try again very soon i need help but it seems everyone who ive asked although empathetic has no idea of how i feel or why i want to die i suffer from these severe highs and lows with my mood fluctuating from extremely happyconfident and outgoing to 1 second later wanting to kill myslef i amjust done life isnt worth living if its like this and it seems no one understand whati am going through the next time i feel so lowi am going to do it and i will finally be set free ,1
to whoever this may concerni amending my life i wrote a detailed letter in here and then the battery on my phone died and now the entire long story is gonei will just make this short i stood by a woman who promised me loyalty and a better life and what i got is that she cheated and abandoned me wo car food or money and refused to take me to get pills i need and lied over over about taking me to the surgery i needed she cheated on me and tried everything to cause me to die getting in the way if medical needs and causing me to starve literally she refused to buy me food i was just abandoned while she is making over 7500 monthly income after taxes besides bonus she got a job as a director in a medical field she got that job because i lied for her by giving her a great review as a past employer i was never her employer she tried to kill me by stealing my cardiac pills she cheated on me started on thanksgiving with a subordinate asshole from that job she now has two incomes and two cars and i have nothing she preaches patient care to rge employees but literally caused situations over and over so i would die she actually tried to kill me in ways that would show as medical problemsi amnow in horrible living conditions toilet leaks snf rbe place smells like a sewer and i have no decision ability since i cant work she knew i cant work and told me after my open heart surgery that i will never work again abf that she will take care of everythingim miserable and tired of living i have no one to even write a goodbye letter toi amhomeless and hopeless i had a long detailed letter all typed out until the phone battery died and all the text was gonei want to die without anger i want to just cry but i cant even even do that i dont want to be in this world i dont belong here,1
self harm i don t do it often usually if i m drunk and feel alone and isolated but i don t consider myself suicidal at the moment i think i have seasonal depression and it s coming back but does anyone else self harm when they re drunk i can be hanging out with friends all night but the moment i m alone it happens i guess i m just looking for an excuse to do it i don t really know i kind of see the pain as a reality check if that makes sense it s a reminder to myself that no matter how happy i feel at the moment it s watching and waiting sorry for the weird post i just needed to say it ,1
what am i supposed to do wheni amliterally incapable of anything like seriously what is the point of living a shit youth suffering mental disorders physical defects massive failures just so that i can live a happy old life i dont see the point of all this the only reasoni amholding on rn is for the sake of my amazing parents they have done so much for me itd destroy them completely if i ended my pathetic existence this is so fucked up i cant live and i cant die too ,1
i dont want to starve to death i havent eaten in over a week ive had three offers of help the first went no where due to the gift card not working in canada the second deleted his account the third sent me funds i placed an order through skipthedishes and they crashed restaurant calling me asking where the driver is and i has to explain their failure if there is a god he fucking hates me i dont want to keep going when this shit fails over and over again,1
need help for a friend friend messaged me he has little real friends and gets bullied a bit he said he was just tired of life and so he got into some weird drugs he told me hes just tired of life and all the shit he puts up with and just doesnt care anymore i honestly dont know what to respond i told him he has a lot to live for but this is a sensitive topic and dont want to go about it wrong he said he came home from work some douches at work said some things idk what they did but this guy gets bullied quite a bit and has lots of girl troubles last thing he told me was that he hated life and that he tried some drugs not like him what should i say,1
i deserve it this past year has been rough i made a lot of friends and lost nearly all of them one after another for reasons ranging from disagreements about politics to someone legitimately trying to manipulate my friends into dumping me because they thought i was making everyone else depressed ever since then that person has been stalking me another person also started stalking me after they decided to end our friendship because i was being too nice to other people and he thought it was fake of me ive lost other friends countless friends throughout the years and these arent the ones that have hurt the most but theyre more in a string of bad endings to friendships that always seem to be my fault so ive been thinking i must deserve it i got up today thinking about ending my life and thats all ive been able to think about all day long my family would get over it my friends would find new friends if they havent already the people who live to torment me will probably be pleased as pie everyone can just go on without me and itll be fine the only thing stopping me right now is cowardice but i amseriously afraid that will eventually run out ,1
ama monster i dont deserve to live ive tried to put whati amfeeling into words but i cant accurately describe whati amfeeling its almost 4 am herei am not a native speaker and my mind is muddled by quetiapine but i need to get this ugly thing out of my chest basically ive been diagnosed with traits of bpdhpd not fully developed pds i display certain behaviours associated with those personality disorders and i feel likei ama bad person that deserves to die i want to gouge my eyes out tear my body apart and run away from myself ive been in therapy ever since i was 14 and ive still turned out fucked up there are tiny improvements but overall i feel i will never become a person that is worthy of having a happy life and being loved i mean all these years of therapy and no significant improvement i have a volatile relationship with my parents especially my motheri ama bad daughter and often i think itd be better for them if i died or killed myself i to kill myself if i cant be a good daughter a good person i dont even like a person i dont feel like a human being and i havent for a long time i feel like its not solid material things building my body but my selfhate and fear and anger and envyi am not even sure i can love maybe all i can feel when i love is an egocentric messed up childlike dependency maybe thats alli amcapable of if thats the case i absolutely do not deserve to have a family that loves me i dont deserve a life i genuinely dont want to die i dont want to notexist its a scary thought but i want to and deserve to kill myself i dont know how to help myself and transform my personality and maladaptive behaviours into something healthy and good and pure i honestly dont feel like theres an ounce of goodness in mei amjust a bad person trying but failing to be good theres not a single fucking redeeming quality about me except maybe the facti am trying to be better but i am not sure about that because i cant tell if its not just egodriven tbh i dont even feel i deserve to get better i promised myself i wouldnt be dramatic in this post but turns outi amstuck in my teenage emo phase also i knowi amhistrionic but i am not exaggerating for attention scouts honour i just needed to tell someone and i dont feel its okay to burden my friends with this and i amashamed of myself and i cant text my therapist at 4 amtldr i want to kill myself both as a punishment and because i cant live with myself please someone buy me tickets for a flight to destination not me tiai amexhausted i need a vacation,1
guys do you know some ways to get cancer this,1
i feel pathetic and lost hii amnew to reddit and sorry ifi am doing something wrong hereplease let me know my life is so pathetic and i honestly wish sometimes i dont know why i exist since grade school i was always the almost nonexistent friend that somehow gets bullied when i hit the spotlight for whatever reason ive left school twice to get home schooled and medical treatmenttherapy ever since ive always had a desire to be liked and known because of this whenever i see people i know having fun being surrounded by many people and exist in others lives i get extremely jealous i honestly feel pathetic that i even get jealous because i dont even deserve to be jealous prior to transferring to my current uni i was excited to start brand new and be part of the fun at such a prestigious university nowi ama senior and i am still alone with subpar gpa i regret everything ive done this past year because i havent done any impressive ecs low gpa and obviously no friends i feel so pathetic that i couldnt achieve a high gpa when i had no social life to begin withi amaiming for grad school phd but at this rate its probably impossible because of my below 35 gpa i constantly think about professors and grad students probably mocking me how i perform in classi amafraid of peers probably looking down on mei amconstantly overwhelmed with fear wheni amat school i was actually blessed to have a friend for a few months but one day i was shut down by the friend because i was pathetic weakwilled egocentric good for nothing this happened when i reached out to the friend when i was suffering with depression and anxiety after that it has scarred me tremendously and ive became afraid to be friends or open up to anyone now i spend everyday alone ive lost touch with all my friends from back home after moving i cant stop thinking about how my grades are poor the loneliness and my selfworth i honestly feel like i have no talent in anything and it makes me wonder what purpose i serve in this world i really feel like a good for nothing just like the friend said i dont have or ever had anyone who would even care about me i cant stop thinking about ending everything probably the only thing i would miss holding me back is my parents and boyfriend that i semitrust but i cant seem to have enough energy to continue and care about them i probably am egocentric because i pretty much can only care about how i feel and what i want i can only seem to care about the happiness that will come out of suicide i just really want to disappear,1
i dont know whyi ammaking this i guess its a last ditchi amvery near killing my self ive struggled with a gun to my head countless times never having pulled the trigger my fianc aborted our boy without telling me and then left mei amabsolutely dead inside the only thing i feel at all is morbid depression she was my life we were starting a family i loved her more than life in every sense of the term i miss her a disgustingly my world the other morning i woke up in the hospital with no one around confused as to where i was and how i got there until i looked on a tray besides me and saw my empty bottle of adavan and pain killers looked in my phone and saw some pretty cold texts between the two of us pieced it tougher i went on suicide autopilot and swallowed enough prescription drugs to kill a horse i dont know how it didnt work it made me sick i gathered my shit from the room and left without saying anything to anyone these last few days have been getting worse and i dont think theres anything left for me i love her so damn much and she killed our baby without even telling me i want to die i dont see any way around it i know people have been through worse than this but i amjust not strong enough i know i will hurt people but i want this disgusting pain to be over ,1
i want to end it ok a little bit of background informationi am17 years old and in collegei amadvanced academically with a decent job with a management position at my college newspaper my mom loves and supports me my sister is my best friend my dad isnt always the best but hes trying whati am trying to say is i have everything going for me and yet i still want to die ive been depressed for as long as i can remember first self harmed at 12 years old i used to take thumbtacks and stab them into my arms because it wouldnt scar like cutting now i burn myself with my hair straightenermaybe i made this reddit account and this post as a cry for help or a desperate attempt at attention or for someone to tell me itll all be okay i dont know whati am doing all i want is to die i cant handle being alive anymore it all hurts too much i just need a hug,1
is it bad i m testing my friends just waiting to see who opens there mouth first first let me start off by saying i truly do wish to be dead in my opinion it be better for everyone if i m not here ok now i can get to itsois it bad that i am telling all the people that truly matter to me in this godforsaken world that i want to die and then describing in detail about how why and even when and the telling them not to say a word to anyone by this they feel bound by friendship pulling them in both direction ether toward me and what i told them to do or telling someone else i ve told about 5 people in this world about my secret about wanting to die over about a 4 month i don t think anyone believes me which is fine because i decide a long time ago how things were going to play out ps this is a very important date to me 1122018 happens to be coming up very fast ,1
done with everythingi am17 male ive been contemplating suicide after failing 11th grade ive been depressed for the last three years but ive only recently started taking meds for it my coping mechanism used to be to watch my favorite youtubers and slip out of everything but as i write this my phone is smashed to shit because ive just lost it and thrown it at a wall in a fit of anger i feel like a freak whos been putting up a clean front for too long none of my friends know about me and any of this i just want this to end and i just want to stop being such a disappointment to my family especially my parents who work their asses off to give me what i have ,1
its getting harder to wake up being awake is a nightmare half the time i am numb the other half i am in such severe depression i feel likei amdrowning i am genuinely considering trying to get a physician to allow me to end my life i just want my agony to end i dont want to be living and feeling such anguish and sadness anymore ive attempted suicide before by oding by slitting why am i feeling such unholy pain i almost want my parents to just allow me to end it to understand this is what is meant that i need to end my life thati am not going to get better,1
developing schizophrenia i am losing reality every day that goes by i hear voices daily theyre not next to me theyre not whispering in my ear they are always outside of my room door in the kitchen in the vents ive seen a screaming face come out of my poster in my room i have seen an arm reach toward me coming from out of my curtain i have extreme paranoia i can not trust anymore i do not trust my girlfriend even though she says she promises to not do things that will hurt me all of her friends hate me apparently my paranoia makes me a horrible person my paranoia is completely justified to me i am absolutely right the entire world saysi amwrongthe only thing i am able to do that makes me feel better is remembering the thought of judgment day coming anyone who has hurt me and brought evil to the world without an inquiry of forgiveness or guilt will be dealt with and all of the pain and suffering will be brought to an equilibrium by justice may god accept my never ending plea for forgiveness and may he protect me from all evil including whatever my never stopping thoughts arei will not suicide its a sin but wow how beautiful the thought is to leave this worldly life theres too much suffering for me to handle,1
my parents dont seem to understand they dont seem to understand that if you yell at your child for using depression as an excuse for everything call them a lazy piece of shit or say she says she has depression but wont say why shes depressed its disgusting that just makes me not want to tell them i want to kill myself as well so much for having loving and supporting parents,1
amclose and it scares me i recently started college and quickly made some friends they were nice but when feelings of depressionsuicide returned i pushed them away so nobody at my school would care when i die i will just b that kid that not many people knew that killed him self during 1st semester without friends all i think about is suicide i took a run through the woods today to scout out trees that could handle my weight when i hang myself i hate myselfi ama burden on other people and theyre better off without mei amjust a pussy that needs to go die,1
am not good i dont really have problems with confidence in myself or with talking to people i just often decide what i have to say isnt worth wasting peoples time with though i guess maybe that is a problem with confidence i dunno i feel confident i just feel likei ama waste of chemicals and i want to die,1
i m writing my letter and the date is set i have 13 days to make peace with everyone and then it will all be over my plan is foolproof now i just have to make sure my letter is perfect please don t feel the need to be nice or reassure me that s not what i m looking for i just needed to tell someone ,1
i just want to die thats it i just want to take too many pills and die i hate life,1
what reasons do you keep living for just wondering what things encourage any of you here to keep living whether its friends vacations music etc kinda need something to look forward to right now,1
ive tied a noose its getting harder and harder resisting the urge to hang it up and get it over with everyday hurts and i just dont want to be alive anymore theres no point to it i can picture things getting better all i want but at the end of the day whats it matter if things get betteri amonly prolonging what will inevitably happen anyway what if i just dont want to live i dont want to try anymore i dont if its possible that things will change i just want life to be over i cant do this anymore i just cant stand waking up breathing living i dont want it i cant do this i just need the courage to go through with it thats all thats holding me back not some you dont really want to die bsi amjust a coward but i think hanging myself would be the best choice i just have to kick the chair from under me then theres no turning back no matter how scared i get and i can do that i can do that thatd be the only thing i could doi amjust so tired i have no one to talk to no one who would care and being constantly isolated was bound to take its tole anyway my death wouldnt be a surprise to anyone and no one would notice if i were goneor well my parents might notice since those are the only people that i see everyday but i amsuch a burden that it would probably make their lives easier i just want everything to stop ive been taking sleeping pills randomly because i cant stand being conscious and i just want to sleep permanently sorry for ramblingim just here to vent a little so someone could know i was here if only for a little while ,1
i have no idea how to help this dude i dont want him to end his life please help himi amterrible at expressing my ideas and at writing in general if someone who is better at persuading someone not to end their lives could help this dude that would be the best,1
still alive i tried to kill myself like 10 days ago now ive been released from the hospital and i amalone again in my house my parents avoid me now thats the only thing that really changed and i got a dyagnosis avoidant personality disorder i hate the survivor and the now begin a new life stuff but that dyagnosis is actually helpful years of therapy and i needed to almost bleed to death for someone to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me they never mentioned thati amvery ugly but thats ok i already knew that it makes socializing even hardernext time i will follow the main plan and just jump from my rooftop i dont know why i thought at the last moment that cutting my wrists would be a decent substitute well i know why there was a lot of people calling the police when they saw me sitting on the edge of the void about to do it anyway i should have done it and suiciding and then waking up is a feeling beyond any descriptio so i dont think i want to experience that again i think it affected me in ways i dont want and will not understandthey took my phone during those daysi am sorry if i worried someone here i feel so lonely its completely overwhelming but i really felt some human feeling like someone cares about me or something like that when i loged in today and discovered so many private messages still asking if i was ok thank you all really thank you i dont know what will happen to me now i dont know whyi amwriting this but thanks for reading and sorry about confusing writing and bad englishdoes anybody know why cant i post on ,1
its me once again hey its me again back to where i started i feel like if i keep goingi am going to end up hurting someone because of the fact everyone treats me likei am nothing and how they insult me to prevent any pain i would cause peoplei am going to kill myself,1
first suicidal thought in seven months hello last year i suffered a concussion that gave me some awful symptoms including brain fog memory loss decline in social skills extremely uncomfortable feelings in the back of my head and more it was too much to cope with especially after 4 months of going to doctors and not getting any diagnosis i decided killing myself was the only way to escape my seemingly eternal condition i set a date in may and started planning around february i started feeling a little less bad and the doctors also prescribed me some medicine and exercises to get me on the right track so i stopped feeling suicidalat some point during the first four months when i was still trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with me i visited an ent and he prescribed me nose spray which ended up having nothing to do with the problem i started noticing some weird feelings in my nose and ear after taking it for a couple weeks so i stopped the nose feeling never really went away though fast forward about 6 months and i was almost fully healed from the concussion symptoms all of the sudden the nose symptom got a lot worse my entire left nostril felt like the contents had been sucked out of it with a vacuum and now the flow of air is way too strong all of the air flowing in makes both my throat dry and soar all the time and creates this irritating scrapey feeling above my left ear on top of that it seems like some of the brain fog symptoms i was describing earlier have returned along with this thing and i feel like my entire head is a mess againim currently visiting some doctors to see if they can provide any insight but dealing with it for a month and only seeing it get worse is really demoralizing i feel depressed and anxious constantly and kinda feel like i wanna die again idk how longi amgonna be able to hold on this time if my body keeps bombarding me with all of these symptomsjust really needed to vent somewhere thanks for reading,1
nothing is getting better everything i try and do just blows up in my face my friends are leaving me life is pathetic and pointless all i ever wanna do now is smoke weed constantly to get through and half enjoy the day my life is going nowhere man god i hate it here ,1
trying to take the emotion out of it i gave been miserable for awhile now i dont know why but i cant remember the last time i was actually happy despite this i am trying to look at my life logically while removing the emotions from the equation i dont see a path to me being happy i am not that interested in my job it pays well but i dont really enjoy it to be honest i have never had an answer to the question what do you want to do when you grow upi am33 now and i still dont have an answer i dont hate my job but it is just something i do to pay bills the only good thing about my job was this one person i work with long story short i caught feelings for her but she had a boyfriend we became really good friends and she is single now but i am too much of a coward to make a move plus i want her to be happy and i dont think i could make her or anyone happy the hobbies i used to have dont interest me anymore either i used to spend hours and hours playing video games with my brother and friends but about a year ago i completely lost interest in them i try to play them now and i just get bored i also used to be a huge sports fan i would watch football and basketball and pay attention to all the news in the offseason now i could care less i am in a fantasy football league and dont even know what players are on which team anymore i have lost interest in life and am just miserable on most days i recently moved away from my friends and family to try to put some distance between us i want them to get used to the idea of not having me around i would like to be around to see my nephews and niece grow up but when i really think about it they will be better off without me i dont want them looking up to me in anyway and wanting to be like memy plan is to get through this holiday season and then i will probably end i all sometime early next year there are some people at work i want to set up to get promoted that really deserve it in the next couple of months i am also going to be really stingy with my money so i can leave some for my family i plan on buying a one way ticket to a country in europe and ending my life over there i will ditch all my ids and then kill myself my hope is that my body wont be identified and my family can always have hope thati am still alive i dont even really know why i am writing this i guess i am just venting i dont see my life getting any better and i dont have any motivation to go on the way things are i am trying to be logical about this please let me know if there is any fault in my thing,1
want to die life isnt worth living dropped out of college due to anxiety stuck at the same job for years nothing is getting better just someone convince me to just fucking end this becausei am too much of a bitch to just do it myself,1
just tried killing myself feeling even worse first off i have social anxiety and depression ive never really been very confident around people or by myself for that matter so doing things that seem basic and trivial to most people is always very challenging ive had depression for just over a decade seen several therapists and even tried helping myself by trying to be more active and outgoing but ultimately i will just end up repeating a cycle of being happy for a while and then horribly sad as i start to doubt whether i can truly stay happy that these people around me dont really care about what happens to me that theyre not really hanging out with me because they want to but out of pity that my moods are ruining everyone elses vibe that whether a small mistake i made still gets talked about behind my back that i have no value as a friend or lover or person that when i try to commit suicide i cant even do that becausei am too much of a coward and just feel like dead weighti am so lonely and scared i cant trust people because of a rough childhood growing up in a bad neighbourhood and mostly experiencing betrayal and verbal abuse and its killing me inside i made this throwaway so that maybe at least someone could see this i really dont know what to do anymore,1
titanic so e has been doing a marathon of movies lately and one of them is titanic does anyone else find roses suicidal tendencies incredibly romantic and enticing her life is perfect but she cant keep herself off the edge i found it highly relatable,1
anybody else feel this way my thoughts have been possessed by suicide ideation whenever i mention this people say i have so much to experience i am only 14 but i dont want to not be suicidal until i ultimately find get a gun and kill myself impulsively for i believe that happy people are delusional filth suicidal thoughts are enlightenment and it is ignorant to try and get rid of them only reason i havent killed myself through a nonimpulsive way is because iwant to read on suicidea discourse on voluntary death to improve my note quality sadly my parents refuse to let me buy it does anyone agree with my sentiments or am i just crazy,1
honestly dont know how to cope with life anymore i honestly never thought id be typing on this subreddit the fact that i am makes me feel even worse i feel guilty because part of me loathes selfpity but i am scared that one of these days i might actually do something really dumb thats whyi amhere this is my first post on this site i literally made an account so i could talk to someone to give a little bit of a backstory because i didnt just wake up like this will probably be helpful i have a history with depression and anxiety i have a history with abuse selfabuse self harm abuse from others ive been romantically involved with and sexual abuse from my childhood now on paper or online that all seems really dark and it is but it doesnt encompass who i am and looking at me youd never be able to telli am an above average attractive 24 year old woman i have very strong metaphysical beliefs and i honestly believe in the good of mankindi amintelligent ive had to fight to get where i am mentally and emotionally to come off as really stable i moved states a year ago to start over and moved to an amazing major city with 400 in my pocket and i made a life for myself here i finally started living a life that i thought i deserved a month ago a girl ive been friends with said to me i honestly dont how youre so stable and inside i chuckled to myself because she like everyone else only sees the surfacei amwhat youd call a functioning depressive to put things in perspective if any of you have ever taken a meyersbriggs personality testi am an enfp robin williams was an enfp my number one goal is for people to not see me suffer because i never want to make anyone sad i hate asking for help i hate telling peoplei amsad to guilt them into wanting to be around me i know its very selfdestructivei ama very selfaware person i was in counseling and also saw a psychiatrist about a year ago because i barely felt like i could keep my head above water i was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder with depression an a general anxiety disorder i scored very high on a dissociation test i would be in the middle of work and kind of black out and forget what i was doing two minutes later ive almost gotten in car accidents because of that as well it makes me seem very spacey and ditzy at times when really i just go somewhere in my head without my permission because its how i learned to cope with trauma as a child my best friend tried to kill herself last december as well shes my roommate and i found her in the bathtub full of blood and had to drive her to the hospital after it had snowed 6 inches the night before december of 16 was my bottom so i started medication to be honest it really fucking helped it got me out of my head enough to focus on my job i got back together with someone who i was very fond of that initially ended because of my instability and things were going great i felt like november december 2016 was my bottom and i fought my way out and got to a stable place then may 17 happened i started to wean back on my medication because i didnt feel like myself anymore i was still in counseling trying to cope with what happened to me in my childhood and deal with that but i didnt feel any emotions i couldnt cry anymore i would be in a room full of people having an amazing time and pretending i felt something so i started to correctly wean off of my meds i had been on them for less than a year and i read how to properly decrease my dose to avoid harsh sideeffects about a month after i completely quit i felt back to me without the ups and downs i could paint again i paint quite frequently and the medication made me not want to do that anymore i could cry and most importantly i could feel things but it got worse i couldnt control my emotions anymore in a responsible way i would lash out at the people i cared about about what i mean 50 of it may have been legitimate things part of subconsiously hating yourself is attracting not so loving people into your life or people who are just as good at suppressing emotions as you are 50 of it was also me lashing out because everything the medication suppressed was and is now at the surface so i ruined a relationship with that guy he wont speak to me anymore which is fine i dont think we were meant to be romantically anyways but i apologized to him a month and a half later for the bad fall out we had and he never said anything i felt really stupid for that and internalized it as something very idiotic that i did i have always tried to escape these issues through relationships i have attachment issues my love language is quality time so i tend to kind of monopolize a new person or a personi amromantically involved with with wanting to spend time with them like all the time part of this is just how i bond part of this is also escaping myself i have recently been involved with a person now for a couple months i dont know if he emphathetically understands these issues not that its his responsibility to fully grasp them but in this situation ive tried to be very selfaware so i dont do those things like lash out etc this person has been of great support to me he has helped pull me out of neutral i have started to find purpose in myself again and a reason for being here today i lashed out at him for something very trivial we are not officially dating because were millenials and its only been a couple months but i love his family they love me i love his dog we spend a majority of our free time together and i find that we really compliment each other in so many ways i truly adore him of course there is a catch when i met this person he told me that he might be going to europe for an extended period of time in the fall so thats part of the reason we to keep it casual but it just ended up getting more serious and eventually his me statements became we statements i sometimes feel with this person i am on a rollercoaster once we started to get more serious he kind of pulled back to make sure he was making all the right decisions regarding his emotions and my emotions i respected that but with all of my relationship insecurities i saw it as a big red flag that hes just going to dip out come time hes reassured me that he could never rid me of his life but maybe that isnt good enoughi am looking for something to give me purpose so i dont kill myself one dayi am looking for it in the wrong places and the wrong people and i amaware of that but old habits die really hard its like watching a character on a movie screen make all of these mistakes and from the theater youre yelling stop doing that but they just keep doing it over and over again part of me thinks i should cut things off to save him from me to save myself the inevitable heart break i will no doubt feel when he decides to leave for europe without me part of me knows i lash out because yeah i am insecure as f about where the relationship is going but also because i have deep seated emotional fears i fear that i will be forgotten i fear that i will drive everyone away from me i fear that even when there is a light at the end of the tunnel my destructive patterns will not let me see it because the dark and malicious part of my personality wants me to feel absolute misery it has convinced me that is a safe and inevitable state of mind believe me when i say if you met me youd think i was the queen of positivity i want everyone to experience love and to feel loved for some reason i wont allow that for myself and it kills me suicide at this point albeit fucking terrifying for so many reasons seems less and less terrifying each and every day the first time the thought crossed my mind i was freaked out now its where my mind jumps to the peace that i would feel even for a millisecond of not having to upset anyone anymore i have a very loving and supportive family but they dont know any of this my best friend is doing great now from her dark time back in december and i feel like if i bring anything up its going to remind her of that and send her into a relapse i bottle all of this up i even asked the guy thati amseeing to see him because i felt scared to be alone because of my thoughts but he said that he thinks its best if we both have space tonight because of how i lashed out at him earlier so nowi amembarrassed i feel guilty for even bringing that up to him i feel like he doesnt care does anyone i guess whati am looking for is for a reason not to do it eventuallyi amopen to anything really i wouldnt be here posting this if i didnt feel so low maybe someone can also direct me to a subreddit with supportive females or supportive people with experience with childhood sexual abuse trauma i internalize everything everything ends up being my fault even when it isnt and its a vicious cyclei amjust hoping that before i choose to like literally end my life i keep going on the off chance that something good will happen howi am not seeing that i dont get it but i just dont at the moment ,1
its just been so longi am so tired of dealing with this with mental i willness and insecurities and anxiety attacks i just want to make it stop already,1
ive wanted to kill myself every day for 7 years every single day but i ama coward this is my balance youre not a coward for wanting to live use that inner strength to better yourself as a person,1
told everyone i want to die still want to die it just came spilling out of me one night when talking to my mom then i stumbled into telling an empathetic acquaintance when i asked her for advice on something over drinks a few days later during an anxiety attack a friend messaged me and i impulsively told her that ive been suicidal for the past year and that i was having a mental breakdown and nowi amtelling you internet strangerim not sure what i expected to get out of telling people i guess i was looking for some reason to live to just hit me but it hasnt now i just feel more trapped than ever if i kill myself nowi am going to cause any immense amount of pain and guilt my death wouldnt have been painless for my parents anyway which is why ive forced myself to live for so long but now i would be a complete fucking asshole for killing myself after i told them i think the problem is that i now feel obligated to improve and i dont know how to do that ive been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for a year now changed therapists 3 times now insurance issues long story the drugs dont work though and as for the therapy the simple fact is that you cant decide for someone that their life is worth living i have been suicidal many times over my life but they were at emotional crisis points when i hated myself i dont necessarily hate myself now i just havent thought life was worth living for a year now and i still dont food is unappetizing nothing is funny anymore i dont get joy from anything all that remains is an obligation to others thats all i have left ,1
i wanna kill myself so desperately i am absolutely tired of this loneliness this lack of human connection and compassion the fact that i am unlikable and cant talk to people i dont see any future for me i dont see how i can survive the adult world as i am not a competitive person and my social skills are down the drain i cant do anything right success and love of any type just seem like they werent meant for me i wanna die sooo bad but i dont wanna hurt my family i am waiting till the latter half of my 20s to commit suicide i am 20 so maybe i can give life a chance but i cant wait till then for now i will just hope something kills me i dont know how much longer i can take this i am sooo 110 fucking done ,1
ive planned it i have everything from the method to the date now i just need to isolate myself or ruin every good relationship i have lefti amdone,1
looks likei am doing it just finished writing my goodbyenotes after two failed attemptsi think i am well prepared this time 2 days to go to be honesti have no idea why i am posting thisthere doesnt seem to be anything that could potentially stop me at this pointmedication doesnt help even after the psychiatrist upped the dosageit never did helpbesideseverything just gets worse at firsti tried to get rid oforat leastsupress the thought of killing myself after my first attemptdont carei have nowhoweveraccepted and even embraced my actions towards suicidewho knowsmaybe tomorrow will be a better daynot idealnowhere near that still awful in factbut not as badi know though that it will only delay the impendingi know that i will most likely kill myself in a few days timeat maxand i am fully okay with itthinking about it makes it eerily scary in a waynot the thought of dying and eternal darknessto be honesti dont even know what i am afraid ofi never really felt like myselflike i am menever felt that i deserved what i haveand didnt deserve what i dont i cant even find that bit of me to truly realize what i really amwho i really ami constantly feel like i am watching someone live their life in first personrather than my ownthis godawful fucking feeling never leavesit always makes me uncomfortable and awkwardit all was a result of one problem of mine that one fucking problem that lead to my ailments doesnt even matter anymorenothing doesi was just in despair for i thought this problem is one i cant solveonce i realized i canit was too latei stopped caringthat was the point of no returni simply do not careand not because i am an angstycynicalungrateful teenagerbut because i cantall of my interests suddenly disappearedbut so did that problemin a waymany more appearedthough it is much worse nowi can only find comfort in musicnot alwaysbut goddoes it feel fucking amazingeuphoric evenbut i am sure its not enough to stop meand if it somehow iswhat even is the point of continuing on this journey of pain and suffering others call lifemy psychiatrist told me my condition really is fucked and it would take me 35 years minimum to fully recoverhe tried to stay silent about the maximumi found out that it could follow me to biological deathorif luckylast around 15 yearsdont know how to end this postso i am just going to stop now,1
i dont know how to open upi ama 19 year old college student and ive had this problem for my entire life i dont know how to be open about how i feel i was bullied and neglected by my friends throughout high school and middle school and i feel like this and past painful experiences have made me too afraid to tell people wheni amupset or how i feel about things in general my college friends have been nice to me but i feel likei amstarting to be neglected by them too because i constantly feel likei ambeing left out of their conversations and when we hang out they hardly talk to me i always come up with witty jokes to make them laugh and they often tell me how talented i am but i feel likei amjust an entertainer to them rather than a friend i want to be able to have real conversations with them and tell them how i feel but they always ignore me and drown me out i have aspergers which makes this especially difficult because sometimes they get impatient with how slow i am to say things and also it sometimes doesnt come out quite right and they dont fully understand whati am trying to say when i do manage to get something out just being around them feels so degrading if i talk about wanting to kill myself or being depressed they thinki amjust joking so they think nothing of it and carry on talking to each other when we get drunk together is the only time i have enough courage to say how i feel but i am still drowned out if i had access to more alcohol id probably have a serious drinking problem because the only time i feel released from the pressure of social anxiety stress and negative thoughts is wheni amdrunki amunable to ease my depression from crying because i feel likei amno longer physically able to its the worst feeling being trapped inside your own mindmaybe i dont give them enough to work with to deserve their care or respect i sometimes feel like i dont give them enough of my attention to deserve theirs i think of committing suicide all the time but ive never gotten enough courage to try it but i feel like i wont be able to live like this for much longer because i will soon have to face this while dealing with trying to find a decent job and facing the world,1
this could be my last night i don t think i can control myself anymore i don t trust myself to not do it i ve been depressed for a few years now not diagnosed because i don t dare to talk to anybody about it i try to keep up a facade about being happy i want people to like me i don t think many people know how i feel a few close friends might have figured it out i m not sure i m not sure why i m depressed i don t have any good reasons i ve never had any problems getting friends or girls even though i ve never had a relationship so i don t understand why i fell this wayone year ago i moved away to college and it s not going well i m failing classes and most days i don t even leave my bed some friends in class have asked why i m not going to the lectures but i make up excuses to seem cool some days i put a knife to my throat just because i like the feeling of being in control of my own lifethis story is probably incoherent and missing a lot of details but i just wanted to express how i feel my first language is not english and i m drunk at this moment sometimes when i drink alcohol i forget how i feel but most times it just makes it worst i think it s part of the problemanyways thanks for reading this might have been the last thing i m ever going to write i m not sure yet,1
i owe so much moneyim so screwed i put myself in so much debt as i was too depressed to workmy parents bailed me out so much i promised not to get anymore loans i was in a ldr relationship and i was supposed to come and visit for a few days i coudnt afford it but he said i wasnt trying hard enough to get ahold of money i couldnt work due to severe depression and it felt like hed leave me if i didnt come up to see him so i got a loan to help me go up but the money was taken due to me oweing loads of money to other places i got another loan out because i decided i was taking my life and i didnt care about paying it back ive wanted to tell them but everytimei amaround they say how little money they have and i know if i tell them theyll insist on paying it i can pay it over time with benefots but i just feel so i will hiding this from them i feel like a failure i feel ike i shouldnt be alive i just wish i could work and pay everuthng off i owe 1000s but i am too i willi amjust in a fucking mess and want to diei am sorry for rambling,1
should i go to the er it is all i can think about there lays that happy medium between when i am intoxicated and when i am sober that i feel ok i have been waiting to see someone to diagnose me for three months i know i have so much to live for but i just dont feel it anymore i want to die i want to hurt myself and i am not sure if it is worth it to try anymore i need help and i am not sure how much longer i can wait,1
my boyfriend is suicidal and i have no idea what to do we moved to different countries for university we planned on breaking up but ended up staying in touch because we missed each other the only contact we have now is ims and occasional phone callshes had bouts of depression and suicidal thoughts for a while now but at least back then i could go to his place and hold him or if we werent together i could i dont know call his parents or somethingi dont know what to do now hes currently living with some family friends but ive never met them i dont know his new address part of me is starting to think that if living is so evidently painful for him am i even in the right to stop himi feel likei am doing this so wrong trying to get him to see that his beliefs about himself are completely misguided and make no sense but i amdeathly scared that if he doesnt have someone in his life to get him out of that cycle of thoughts its only going to get worse i desperately just want him to at least try therapyhe called a psychological counselling callline type of thing and when he told them that he doesnt really see a purpose in his life anymore the woman told him its just a teenage issue i went from being thrilled that hes trying to get help to wanting to push a call centre employee off a bridge he on the other hand was more or less unfazed he insists that therapy would never help himhis suicidal comments get more serious every time we talk about it i feel cold sweat gathering on my back when he logs off after having a conversationi feel selfish for constantly trying to change his mind without a true understanding of the fact that hes in legitimate pain right now i just want him to stay alive so fucking bad,1
suicidal and sad how could i tell someonei ama fourteen year old girl who is a freshman in high school ive dealt with depression for years hiding it until one day i told my parents they looked at me like i was broken and everything made me uncomfortable i started taking medicine it got me feeling a little better and i was improving so much i was so happy and then high school started i fell down a cliff and now i cant get up they thinki ambetter though theyre starting to suspect somethings up how i never go out of my room or anything but as soon as they ask me its like the real me is trapped and my depression takes over sayingi am finei amjust really tired or when they ask me ifi amsuicidal no no noi am not with school starting i just havent had enough time i dont even think my mind just creates a situation thats not the full truth not even close i dont know how to tell anyonei amliving each day waiting for it to be over until the only thing i look forward to is sleeping and obviously watching netflix because tv shows consume me anyways i cant live life like this waiting for the day to be over every single day for the next four years i think about suicide but i cant do it because i think about my parents how theyll miss me i make them laugh and thats whats keeping me alive along with my dog but i just cant stand to live like this any longer and its too hard asking for help school is making me so suicidal ive been really depressed before but not so much where i actually envisioned my death and the least painful way to go through with it which is whati am doing nowi am sorry this is so longi amrambling out everything i have to say which doesnt even seem like enough right now i just need help,1
i think i m already dead and i must have done something really awful stuff to be sent to hell this constant and never ending circle of hopelessness loneliness false promises making me believe even just for a fraction of a second that there is a way out when there isn t teasing me and then laughing in my face when i realise it s all lies i have done something horrible and i m already dead and hell is nothing like i imagined there are no fires and burning for all eternity just a repeating simulation of life and then ripping the dreams and hopes out of my heart to punish me for my existencethinking back all the way to my childhood i had dozens of surgeries even before i was 6 promising me to fix me but then another surgery and another promise i started school and started it again at another school going to high school and finishing it at a second one then more surgeries more promises to be normal more false hopes to ever being a father only to be laughed at when people realise what i was born with or without going to uni and taking that away from me then a second uni and taking that away from me too working my ass off to build up a career and either let me screw up or snatch it out of my hand so everything i ve built and worked hard for comes crushing down on me over and over and over and over againwait until i just about to have enough give me something to hold onto watch me build something again and then just when i start to feel it s worth living take it away and throw me back into the pitschools jobs relationships hobbies friends crushes love none of that is real just tools of torture that is out of my controland the only way to break that cycle is to kill myself again then erase my memory grown up again torture me again then kills myself again and the circle never endswhat other explanation is there i know it s my fault it has to bei get the message whoever sent it to me i must do a reset soon die again by my own hands get sent deeper into the bowls of hell and see how long it takes until i realise again i need to die once more and again and again and againi have a countdown a deadline i set years ago i need to bring it forward and stop waiting stop trying stop living just stop,1
13yrs old have anxiety and mild depression going to end it tonight please help me my father also is diagnosed with ptsd anxiety and depression he is on a bunch of meds 247 which make him even more tired so he lays in bed all day mom and dad arent together both are overwhelmed and sometimes take it out on me not physical but mental i have no friends hard time keeping up with school soi amprobably going to end it tonight thank you for listening and reading ,1
am tired of being me everything i love is taken away from me its odd though because i take it from myself my anxiety makes me hate the things i love and i never thinki amgood enough viola gone cross country gone basketball gone everything gone i can never be proud of myself i can never be happy with who i am or what i accomplish in my eyesi amnever enough and i never will bei am tired of being mei am going to hang myself ,1
hey everyone hey ive been thinking alot about suicide today and its never seemed so tempting at this point i just want peace but i cant get that where i am and i have nothing and nobody to turn too i find myself in a bit of a pickle,1
i almost killed myself last night i had the razor ready to slice down my wrists but i couldnt do iti am too much of a fucking failure to even follow through with it i hate myself,1
no safety thank you for reading i feel like i have no one that understands or gets it ive always been extremely anxious ever since i was around 5 years old and i have been depressed since about 11 years old ive had recurring suicidal thoughts since about 13 i am now 24 and i wasnt diagnosed with chronic major depression until a couple of years ago ive had my first attempt last year i had a very intense fight with my mom she was listening in on me telling my boss that i need a break from work because of my mental health problems my goal was to end my life after that fight but i still dont believe it was an attempt i cant wrap my head around the fact i did attempt suicide because nothing happened i didnt end up unconscious or anything from the half of bottle of pills that i took i could hear my mom saying she wanted to kill herself and my dad telling her to put down the knife i snapped out of whatever mental break i had when i took the pills and i told my dad what i did he drove me to the hospital afterward i was treated evaluated and was voluntarily committed to another mental hospital for 2 weeks the treatment i received worked for some time but my depression came back around june my suicidal thoughts started in july and i have been cutting again to cope my family isnt exactly supportive i have an older brother who has problems too but he is basically verbally abusive towards my mom and i he will call me anal whore slut and use christianity to put me down hes not even a christian i am not comfortable dating or having relationships so i dont at all he constantly brings up the one and only guy i went out with a few years ago to tell mei amforever his bitch he would text me offensive and creepy things before i started forwarding his texts to the rest of my family they wont do anything he is literally a troll he will constantly say the exboyfriends name or call me a bitch if my parents arent around he would make kissing noises and faces at me if i was around or drive by him he has said unprovoked that i should kill myself after i was out of the hospital he cant keep any job and lacks any kind of common sense or respect he will act like a crazy jerk in our house but he will quickly act normal if he is outside of our neighborhood my dad tells me to ignore him but how do you ignore something like that he wont bother or threaten my father or other brothers he is about 6 and my mom and i are under 52 he has smacked my mom in the face before and i have gotten into physical altercations with him as well my dad is usually there to stop them but he doesnt have much authority ever since the police told my father the owner of the house can kick my brother out hes stopped caring because its my mothers responsibility they keep allowing him to come back i dont feel safe in my house or in my neighborhood anymore the boy and i use to ignore each other if we ever cross paths but he now makes it a point to harass me even outside i am constantly looking over my shoulder he has even attempted to walk in the middle of the road if he sees me driving down the street and he will do something obnoxious when i drive by him anyway my mom will constantly say hes not normal but she allows him to continue living here she owns the house and i cant stand her enabling him my brother is aware of this and he has recently started shouting at my mom no power i literally have nowhere else to go and i dont have a car i feel trapped i have a moderate to severe autoimmune disease and it can prevent me from going to work or school i feel like between my depression disease shame and crappy family that i would be better off dead if he went away life wont be as depressing and i can effectively deal with my other personal issues more often i was already depressed before he started becoming a monster but it feels like there is no safe place to recover with him lurking in the house sorry for the long post thank you again for reading,1
it fucking sucks having nothing no one cares about me i dont do anything i have no friends my family does not like me i have no skills or hobbies i have nothing left why is it so fucking hard to shoot myself in the face well i dont own a gun for one but what else can i do i dont want to be in pain why is no way out painless,1
sick and tired of being sick and tired everyday is a struggle it is exhausting growing up i was always severely depressed i couldnt talk to people because i had social anxiety i was lonely and ate for comfort leaving me overweight i felt like i was a freak who was built different i found out recently i had kyphosis in my spine plus a chest deformity i spent the last three years with severe bulimia because i never knew the actual problem and was struggling with my weight i went to treatment and i am relapsing again every day i have breathing problems i cant digest anything properly and my entire neck feels squished leaving me with barely any energy i now dont care about anything anymore and i dont know if o would actually kill myself becausei amchristian i am seeing a chiropractor soon and am hoping on a miracle thanks for reading i am not absolutely hopeless but it is pretty damn close,1
what is the point i tried to kill myself at the beginning of summer and even tho things have gotten dramatically better i still feel so much regret for not getting the job done life is going so well for me right now but i still feel an overwhelming sense of suicidal nihilism i dont know ifi ambeing lazy or ungrateful but i want everything to be over i want to start cutting again but this time never stop,1
if you dont have excellent social skills youre fucked i really wish i put more time into improving my social skills making more friends and being a fun person i shouldve never caved in to the bullies or dogooders who called me insulting names and chased me out of groups for making social blunders and making someone uncomfortable it doesnt matter that i have a degree let alone an engineering degree nor does it matter that i have great experience and a decent gpa it doesnt matter that i am dedicated enough to drive over 100 miles for interviews with companies and some times multiple interviews with the same company it doesnt matter that i have several references who can speak the world about my skills and dedication all that matters is how well i can entertain and talk to others people in irrelevant fields or even without degrees walk into technical jobs all the time because they know so and so or they really sold people on this positionits too late for me to improve my social skillsi am26 most guys my age already have high paying professional jobs been with dozens of girls have tons of memories of vacationsroad tripsexciting times with their friends and are engaged to or with long term girlfriends 28 is the median age men get married they all say it will be much harder to find a quality girl when youre older than when youre younger i really want to find a nice girl and start a family theres a huge stigma of older men reliving their youth and going after younger girlsi amafraid that by the time i get a really good job and have the excellent social skills needed it will be too late and everyone will have settled down i decided that if i do not get a solid offer by the end of the yeari am going to shoot myself its easy and has a high succeeds rate i havent told my parents or therapist yet but plan on doing so within the next week there s just no way i will be able to catch up to my friends and peers in life experiences salary and dating life ,1
i feel like a failure of a human being low self confidence low self esteem low self worthi feel like thats just setting me up for failure everyone i know seems to have some degree of competency in their lives in some area i however do noti stutter when i talk i cant look people in the eye i physically try to make myself smaller wheni amaround others i fumble around and have to constantly ask people what to do when i should know what to doi amabsolutely convinced no one wants me around and even thoughi amtold time and time again that people do want me i refuse to believe it no one could want a person like me in their friend groupi am so hard on myself despite the fact that i havent tried very hard to begin with i can never seem to commit to something for more than a daythe only thingi amgood at is wasting time and resources sleeping andthats iti know pills is one of the least effective ways to go but at the same time i dont care i just want to rid the world of a waste of space and time and resources i dont deserve the air i breath or the money it costs to buy me foodi just wish that i was able to completely write my suicide note to adequately apoligise to everyone i know,1
you will all agree that i should die ,1
dont see optionsi am not sure how to start this ive given it a great deal of thought and i amready i have the stuff i need and i am tired i feel like i struggle every day as a trans person i struggle with identity and coming out of an abusive childhood i struggle with an absolute lack of self worth i have no concern about myself especially over others i was diagnosed as bipolar awhile back and ive been struggling to live with that and everything to do with it medsi amover medications i take so many to just function acceptance i dont feel there is any acceptance at work people are nice to my face but talk about me behind my back as ifi ama piece of shiti am tiredi am so tired of just chugging through life my finances are shit 3 defaulted student loans i owe the irs tens of thousands in taxes ive fucked up the last two serious relationships i had i will never have my own kids my brain sometimes feels like it cant process the fact that i will never actually carry a child nor will i be able to contribute to a child why would i want to have kids when i can barely take care of myself i have the means ive been saving up my heart medicine and psych medicines should do it just need to prepare some things make sure my dog has a place make sure all my stuff i dont want friends and family finding are gone it wont be much longer now,1
i think i will kill myself i am looking at you at all the pain you cause me and the pain i cause you and i wonder if you would be better off without me if everyone was you would be sad for a while and so would your son be i am such a horrible person for saying this for inflicting that pain on him on you i have a job a room i create art i have you and i want to kill myself i wont tell you i wont tell anyone i dont know how to do it because i wish no one would have to find me ,1
amjust scared i know i need to get better and i know i want to get better but i keep thinking if i get betteri amgonna see how much worse it actually is then my head makes iti amscared my partners will no longer love me and create a distance between us because of how ingraned into my personality my disorders arei am so fucking scared because ive been going to n instead of t for support more recently because she has some of my same symptoms with her disorders so she understands better but it made t feel like i dont need him anymore soi amscared of how much worse hed feel if i was better i just want to dissapear and not be scared and not be worried about fucking anything up or trying to fix me if i was just gone i feel like theyd be better off and i know its not true but i cant stop thinking it,1
my friend made me cry last night i hopei amposting in the right place anyway one of my best friends told me she was going to commit suicide last night she didnt thankfully but i am still shocked about how serious she wasanother friend and i were texting with her and i ended up writing her a small heartfelt message it was her response that got me tearing upshe told me that she was thankful for the message and really appreciative of me and our other friend for always being there for her it was really genuine she said she really loved us and thanked me again before saying she was just going to sleep it off i woke up this morning to her saying she was still herei cried last night because i seriously couldnt imagine a world without her i was hurt weve all got our issues but these two people are my best friends were still just 18 year old kids seeing one of them that low had really started to break me downi dont know what else to say really id like to think that what i said actually got through to her in the end and made her reconsider i dont want to experience anything like that again alsoi am sorry for the long post i just feel i have to get this off my chest thanks,1
going to end it tonight heading out soon to pick up sleeping pills and a ropeits been three decades i am the most proactive person i know and nothing changed much at all,1
i didnt deserve to be a mom i dont deserve to be here everything i want to love and cherish turns to ash in my mouth i sabotage myself by my own weakness and lack of a spine thats only encouraged by escapism and addiction i could have been a mom by now but i couldnt stop drinking i didnt know i was pregnant but it was too late the man that i love didnt want me to be the mother of his child and who could blame him nothing about me deserves the gift of a child i wanted so badly to be a mom but i would never burden my kid with the responsibility of being my savior i am broke unemployed alcoholic and trapped in an abusive relationship anyways so i have nothing to give i knew it would have been a girl she would talk to me in my dreams everything was so clear it was like making snow angels out of sand in a glass castle i was so so happy that she chose me but i failed her i didnt stand up for her he wanted me to have an abortion he tore down my character he told me i would ruin his life and hers so i did it i killed her she was the size of a dot but i fucking killed her i want to think that i did it for her but i know that i am a coward and a piece of shit she deserved betteri am going to drink myself to death i have enough of xanax to mix to go to sleep forever i just want to see her and hold her and tell her how sorry i am that i couldnt be her momi am so sorry ,1
i fucked up i fucked up i really fucked up i accidentally deleted hours worth of code the assignment was due on wednesday but we get two buffer days before they wont except it now ive totally fucked up the easier assignment in the class now in my senior yeari amgonna lose my scholarship and flunk out of college and lose the job i had lined up i fucked upi amgonna be the joke of the family everyone else can get through college but i can barely do laundry without bawling my eyes out i just keep hitting myself saying i want to die i want to die and eating everything i have in the pantry out of angeri am not touching the booze thats not where i need to be nowi was gonna go to the hockey game and then the prerelease for the new magic cards but nowi ampaniccoding in a frenzy to get at least a turd of a working program ive done this all to myself i dont deserve anythingfuckmaybe this is why nobody loves me i should have died in that car crash,1
i drown myself in alcohol i drown myself in alcohol because people around me dont want me to drown myself in a lake i didnt realise how difficult my thoughts were getting out of hand i didnt realise the way i was thinking was not normal i realised i wasnt happy with myself i realised i hated myself more than anyone had ever hated me i didnt even realise i drank way too much but i drink i drink and drink and drink hoping i would never have to face reality but,1
wish i was never born tonights the night if i had a choice of being in heaven or non existence id choose the latter my one and only wish to never have been born not exist i hate humans i will never sentance a soul to life on earth by breeding i will hang myself from a bridge on the main road hopefully tonight when i jump over the bridge with a rope tied to my neck and one end to the metal railings it snaps my neck instantly so no one can save me,1
i hope to see her when i sleep when her arms come up and rest upon my neck and her lips purse to a peck who is this girl i see at night i may never see her once i awake so no chances i will take i will sleep until i cant no moreim sorry,1
i just dont wanna fight myself anymore ive felt this way since i was a kid i know life has made me strong i know i can keep going but i dont want to i just want it to be over i dont want to hurt the people in my life but i dont want to be here life has given me no reason to believe its ever going to be anything more than what it has been i have no hope for the future and i dont want to keep getting hurt i think about this stuff all the time i try to talk to people about it but ive heard it all before nothing anyone says can make me feel any different i just dont feel like the good is worth all the bad,1
i feel like its all been a lie i just want to get my thoughts out i dont know who to go to i dont need reply or care reallyi am18 i just graduated high school and ive seemed to have always lived with depression everyone always said it will get better life gets better and in a way they werent wrong my urge and need to die has lessened though i really wish it hadnt my life has completely gone to shiti amliving paycheck to paycheck trying to finance moving in with my girlfriend after she gets home from basic training for the army ive never gone to bed hungry until recently ive never limited myself to one meal a day because i cant afford it i lay at home wheni am not working waiting for my motivation to come home because shes the only thing that makes me feel good for anything greater than a fleeting momenti am so disappointed in myself for not attending college yet and i dont know if i ever will though i know i wont find life meaning without pursuing science its my only career interesti am looking forward to an empty life knowing theres only one option i know i could end all the problems and seemingly endless suffering right now but i am too scaredi amonly hoping i reach a breaking point and it gets the better of me i dont want to watch myself get any worse but theres really nothing i want to do i want to pursue a career in something i love but then i realize i dont love any of it anymorei am so hollow ive become a man but my soul never grew with mei ambasing everything i enjoy by the fact i used to please let tonight be my last or give me the strength to make it so,1
realisation time to vanish were to startive got bipolar and whilst writing thisi amon a serious down so its a struggle to even attempt to express my feelings but i feel kinds hopeless i believei amonly truly happy when ive got something to look forward too that thing was university this has suddenly been snatched from me as i was not invited to join back the second year of my college course reasoning behind this is because i work 50 odd miles away from the college and unlike students therei amolder 21 so have responsibilities and such luckily ive been offered a position at another college to do their send year this means though my job i currently have wouldnt be possible to do anymore as its too much of a journey so that part is really getting me down and also ive had a really rough time whilst being at my parents house my mother despises me and my farther left before i was born and refuses to acknowledge my existence meaning the 2 people who are meant to be there for me dont give a shit it sucks because me and my mum used to be inseparable and she was like my best friend now she wont even answer me when i talk to her just ignores me so leaves me feeling alone i also have a girl ive been seeing but because of my bipolar it makes not so hard to even show emotion towards her i dont miss her and that worries me but i just dont feel it i wouldnt be upset if she left me but i dont want her too i just want to feel normal and not a emotionless twatfeel like theres nothing left we live we die whats the point of waking up unhappy ,1
sucidal thoughts i m 20 i currently work in retail after leaving a web development job which i didn t enjoy so i left after a week it gave me depression feeling like a guinea pig i ve been dating my girlfriend for 8 months now she s 18 and i ve been living at her parents house since we dated my mum has a two bedroom flat but she keeps meeting random guys and sometimes i hear them having sex and it gets to me she s a single mum as my dad left me at child birth we don t really get on and talk rarely my girlfriend is now going to university left today and i ve depended on her so much for happiness that i don t know how to be happy without her we ve talked about the future to the point of me engaging her in a few years time i m moving by chance to a new job opportunity 20 minutes away from her but will only be on the odd occasion be able to see her on the weekends and i can t cope with the idea of that i trust her but i depend on her and i fall down the ditch of suicidal tendencies when i m alone i ve researched what i can do and where i can get the equipment i ve not discussed this with her because i m not here to blackmail someone into submission that s both selfish and weak on my behalf i worry that no job will satisfy me and i m in an endless loop that ll make me unhappy i m not happy with that amount of time i ll be able to see her compared to other people and i just can t live happily with myself as i feel like i ve been born to die i never seem content with what i have and i can t cope alone and alone is exactly what i m going to be is it really so bad just for me to call it quits i ll break her heart but i feel like there s no other way and that this is the end i can hand on heart tell you now that if she broke up with me that i would 100 end it i m not waiting for that eventuallity because i know she isn t the type but i feel like i need to do this for me people are born for every statistic to be killers and everything else and i feel that because of how my life has affected me that only death can set me free but i always think this way when i m down but maybe this is the bullet that ll get me out i m just not sure what to do and everything seems to lead to my unhappiness and abandonment issues to get the end of me edit we have spoken about how i am as i lost the will to live when she went away on a holiday it s not jealousy it s just me not being ok with myself i tell her i don t want to talk to her about my problems all the time because that pushes people away even if they say it doesn t,1
i just want someone to talk to i dont want to do this alone i finally built the courage to tell the one person that i can go to that i was going to kill myself he blew me off now i have nobody i know its pathetic but i just need someone to talk to i just dont want to be completely alone when it happens,1
nothing changes i used to be a drug addict and dealer i hated my life and everyday i hope i would find the drive to kill myself or overdose one day i thought it was my rock bottom nowi am sober and somehow managed to get to a job the pays extremely well but i still want to die more now than back then every single day for most of the day i think about it i look at myself in the mirror and i want to put a bullet through that persons headi amscum and i dont deserve life love happiness friends and family i cant keep on like this for much longer i already have for far too long,1
how to stay happy i have posted on here several times before each time i have been talked out of killing myself however i am tired of being talked out of it i want to either stop being miserable or just die i recently quit my job at mcdonalds because it was making me more suicidal than ever and have been going to college i am scared of my horrible grades as i think i may go on academic probation after that i will have large student loans pilled up on my head no job and no way to ever get a job that isnt a dead end job that makes me want to kill myself therefore i have decided if i go on probation i will kill myself i have gotten obsessed with the idea of death lately i think about what death would be like and ways i could quickly die about 70 of the day what is bothersome to me is that other people who have the same situation or even worse situations are able to stay happy this is frustrating to me not because these people are happy but because i feel like i am completely missing something that these people are is it genetic is it a mindset if it is either how could we ever change our mindsets or genetics after all we are who we aretldr i am extraordinarily unhappy because of many situations and am likely going to kill myself at the end of the semester unless i can find a way to stay happy i am tired of being talked out of it this is a final decision instead i want advice to be happy,1
i think ive realized what hurts the most about all of this and thats that i didnt even get a choice i was born with this difference disorder i willness whatever you want to call it i didnt get to choose to be normal and even if i had started the treatment options earlier my body and mental health would have always been fucked i cant stand being trans if i wake up tommorow still feeling dysphoria i might really end it ,1
i think my mom is going to kill me i dont want to die right now i love my friends too muchbut i might have to my sisters boyfriends mom wants to talk to me i am in a mental health awareness club that my mom doesnt know about and so is my sisters boyfriend my mom is deep in denial that i have any kind of mental i willness and has invalidated me mocked me screamed at me and threatened to hurt me for showing signs i wasnt supposed to let anyone at school know i have to find places to hide ifi am going to break down at school because if the counselor knows my mom will somehow find outmy moms on the phone with his mom right now the club is the only thing my sisters boyfriend and i have in common if my mom finds outi am not sure what shell doi am going to try to tell her its just for leadershipto help friends but i am really scared my mom screamed at me and called me a lazy ass because i told her i was slightly anxious about school i dont know whats going to happen and i dont want to live in an environment where its not safe for me in any way i dont want to live thinkingi amalone in this if my mom finds out i think i will have to or i could just not live at allto whoever is reading this i love youi am sorry you were brought to this sub and i hope with all my heart things get better for you i am going to do my best to stay alive for my friends and i hope youll find a reason as wellill try to update thisthank you for listeningedit it was a false alarm she wanted to talk about something elsei am so relieved but my heart is still racing it sucks to be living in an environment that scares me as much as it does but thank you for caring you guys were there even when i thought i was going to die that means a lot to me thank you i love you guys,1
i am tired of being transgender my biggest problem with being trans is that i feel no one believes me even cis people that understand or say theyre an ally it feels like everyone around me thinksi amcrazyi am not really a woman trapped in a male body i just think i am and you know what maybe its truebut that doesnt make it hurt any less every time i see a group of girls talking about nothing knowing that i will never join them never be one of them it feels like being punched in the gut and it doesnt go away everyday again and again ifi amjust crazy its damned persistenteverything i see online and at work tells me that the trans community will never be accepted feminists see us as men and dont want us anywhere near them lesbians see us as men and i amattracted to girls lucky me s men just see us as gay gay guys want to drop the t from lgbt altogetherthe only treatment for being transgender is to transition but asi amconstantly reminded that wont make me a real woman so whats the pointand so this is why i want to kill myself its become increasingly obvious to me that trannies have no place in this world i have no place in this world and i amdone fighting my dysphoria everyday only to be mocked and told thats its not realits just not worth it anymore,1
i hope i get killed before i kill myself someone pm me please i dont want to do iti dont want to die at all i just want the pain to end if i die i want it to be quick like a car crash i could handle that because at the end of the day my mom wouldnt be the mom with the depressed kid shed be the unlucky mom there wouldnt be anything she couldve done to prevent it i dont want my friends beating themselves up over a problem they couldnt fix theyd remember the good qualities i had the school wouldnt have any class about depression and how to tell the signs theyd just hold a small vigil no one would go to and id be forgotten as quick as the crash was ,1
amstarting to have suicidal thoughts ive always told myself that i wouldnt succumb to my emotions especially after my brother took his own life a couple of years back my thoughts on the topic of suicide have gradually grown over timeim sustaining myself with a job ive worked for 3 years now and i amcurrently enrolled in college ive had to see every single one of my friends go on to do better things while i sit here doing the same old shit and have the feeling thati am not making progress i lost the best girl i ever had in my life because i let my anxiety get the best of me and ruin the relationshipi tend to talk to myself and sort issues out and i try to tell myself that its all temporary but i amstarting to lose faith i found myself today planning it all out in my head while i was at work i dont know if id actually go through with it but i actually thought of how and when and should i write a notei dont know whats wrong with me and it might just be a phase but its getting worse,1
i want to die but i ama coward i have been suicidal since the age of 6 but never went through with it why because i am a fucking coward i dont have the balls to do anything including killing myself the only reason that i have lived this long is becausei ama fucking pussy well ive found a way to get past all that when i get extraordinarily high in combining whatever the fuck i have on me that fear disappears all i want to do is die and i amready to do it all i have to do is pop those pills drink a ton while tripping and i amgood to pull the fucking trigger itll be quick i wont feel a damn thingi ama failure as a human being and i dont belong in the gene pool the sooner i kill myself the sooner itll all be over and nothing will matter at all by thenwhat is the fucking point of living like this,1
i feel likei amlosing my friend and idk what to do so my friend has recently lost friendship with his best friend it looked complicated and she was very in love with him they stopped being friends for unrelated reasons he is very depressed and doesnt take his depression seriously or believes he is i feel like hes pushing everything back and acting tough so he does not get help for him self and hes had a suicidal history ever since losing his friend his personality is nonexistent now he was down and depressed looking before they met but i thought it was his regular personality after he met her he would actually smile occasionally and be in a completely different mood so it finally clicked and i realized he shouldnt be that way now hes way worse than beforei amafraid hes not taking care of himself hes closed off so idk how to go about asking him without making things worse idk any close friends of his who i can tell idk what to do and i amafraid time is ticking any suggestions,1
november maybe two days ago i decided that if the upcoming month really went as horrible as i feel it will id be gone by november its the sweetspot between various deadlines i have no control over and more specifically the monthi amliable to be homeless homeless or shoved back in with my stepfathers horrible parents and i choose the former in place of returning at the heels of hags that threw us away like they did all their sons said i was on track to becoming a whore called my brother and mother both wastes of space i will be positively if i go back to that fear of just walking to the bathroom of literally living in the attic and being sideeyed for breathing ive only told three people what they did to us so if anything getting it out is cathartic catharsis however does nothing to help what extends past emotion though i wish someone would hold me for just a moment i literally cannot exist dont have the papers dont have the papers to get the papers things wouldnt improve if i just packed myself across the country and stayed with friends that only half know me nor would they really improve if i had the money to fill my college seat fee that one was a real eye opener spending years clinging to the notion that college would save me no matter the debt or trials only to have what hope that proffered stripped i swore i would it work but here i am drowning in unmarked unexpected territory such is lifemy parents would separate if it werent for the fact that we are dirtpoor and completely reliant on my now jobless stepfather my maternal family is somewhat excommunicated and theyre hardly any better off than we are theyre rotting in their town just as we are in this wasteland my mother and i joke bitterly that weve got some multigenerational curse maybe thats just the curse of poverty and abuse cycles speaking of the day we found out may come our way my parents got smashed as per usual and fought fifth or so time now within the past year that my stepfather has stormed off in the night twice that we know he attempted to leave us and later shove in our faces how easy it was three days in and they havent said a word to one another hes gone all day supposedly at his parents place but we have suspicions that align with missing chunks of money no one seems to understand the gravity of my situation though my interaction is increasingly limited after a long period phoneless internetless and barely eating we moved across the country when this all started we used to move pretty frequently but its been three years i was homeschooled during that time and never allowed to leave our apartment no single thing can be remedied without tracing back to the roots of others hence why ive only ever turned in full bearing to reddit with it having at least a grain more anonymity while unfurling my life story than turning to acquaintances of course it lets me still keep that whole gdforsaken cordial distance with them what few positive interactions i have since i dont want to burden them with this they may get bits and pieces becausei am not one to lie but i cant tell them this its too much they shouldnt have to even shoulder that burden brieflyi amdone very done ive got my cat and my little brother but my friends are busy and havent seen me in years if at all and my mother iscomplicated she poured out all of her disappointments in me recently my religion my school despite having an offer and a huge scholarship thanks to years plastering myself to good grades my existencei feel so losti am not allowed outside havent been since moving here a few years ago and cant even afford myself a breath of fresh air i dont see the point anymore things will be getting better because legally theres nothing for me to do theres nothing i can take into my own hands no simple mentality changei amthoroughly fucked at the most crucial point in my life and i feel hollow alone frightened i pray november isnt it,1
amafraid to go the my therapist in college abroad and after a week of my exam i got my results and i amdevastated luckilyi am not failing but my grades are lower than what i expectedi amjust hoping that i can manage until the end of the semester ive tried to handle the start of my college and it has been difficult the worst part is thati amafraid to go to classes because once everything crams together its going to be difficult for me to handle ive been going to my counselor frequently and i took this suicide test or something it felt kind of useless since it follows through a score or something and she advises me to schedule an appointment with a therapist or a psych the hard part is thati amafraid to hear the result thati amfilled with anxiety or even depression,1
can someone talk to me ca i called the hotline a bunch of times and they tele me to to therapy or dont bother them is there anyone at all who would be willing to talk to me dm for my phone number,1
my whole family is dead i have no friends i feel trapped in memories and i amhallucinatingi am29 and my life was very normal growing up was valedictorian in college had two seemingly loving parents and a fiancee id been dating since i was 18 about six years ago i discovered that my fiancee was cheating on me and i was devastated she quickly married this guy after six years of dating me i moved back in with my parents and things were ok for a while i had a good job but i was having a lot of problems getting back on my feet emotionally then it turned out that my mom was cheating on my dad and he confronted her about it that week they both died in a car accident with the suspicion that my mom the driver did it on purpose as a murdersuicide kind of thing related to the affair i am living in their house my childhood home and am starting to have a hard time paying the rent ive been able to keep it up for now because the bank is letting me keep paying it as the executor of their estate but i dont even know if i will be able to refinance and its cheaper than paying rent anywhere i might end up homeless if it doesnt work outi am in therapy and it does not seem to help i dont get social media and dont even have a phone the one friend i did have killed himself a few years ago before all this happenedi have this feeling that my life is not real and that everything from this point on is just meaningless whatever happens i feel likei amcontrolling a body that is not my own and i have these thoughts that all i am is just a series of electrical impulses going through meat when i die i will forget i ever existed forget the concept of existence in the first place because there will be no conceptual realization of consciousness whatsoever the universe will cease to exist and will be like it never existed just like it must be for my parents now all those experiences and things ive made all the people ive ever met and loved will be unmade in an instantduring my daily routine of going to my office and then home i am starting to see things i am seeing the lights turn out when they are actually on i am seeing faces peering at me from doors left cracked i see my parents and even my old girlfriend in my dreams every night and wake to a reality that is not my own i can barely plod through work and my days seem to happen without me having any knowledge about them i sit at my desk and am vividly trapped in endless loops of memories songs experiences movies smells that defined my life throughout high school and college the things that seem so desperately to be me even though the world goes on without me since the day i graduated i feel like i have been in stasis watching the world around me change and evolve while i slowly degrade due to incompatibility the loss of my fiancee was a big blow and the death of my parents is a far greater shock that i cannot even describe they were really my only friends and now i am caught in an endless cacophany of betrayal and bottomless sadnessi just heard a baby cry in my office and there is nobody else here i have about ten or so moments like this during the daysometimes i dream that i will hang myself by the neck over a small bridge near my house its never a rope but always a heavy metal chain sometimes i can feel a loose link cutting into my neck as i take the plunge over the side its endless either the hanging or my lost loved ones or both i dont know how much longer i can keep this up or even more importantly why i should keep it up i feel like my entire existence is a mistake and that i will always be spending my life pining for a time long gone listening for voices long deadi dont know whati am doing here but i had to type this out and i dont know if it made things better but i typed it out nonetheless thank you for listening,1
wanting to end it all soon in a week or so because of what happened i fucking almost got myself and dad in an accident while i was practicing driving i cant handle driving anymore its too dangerous for me and i ama whimp i also tried self harming and attempted to scratch my arms but there was little white marks that had minor pain because of i was a pussy of doing so one of the scariest shit happened to me when i was driving so the light turned yellow then to red and i stopped in the middle of an intersection luckily the car packed up and then i hit park got all nervous and hit drive my dad got so pissed and said you stupid you shouldnt have stopped in punjabi for stupid i am not stupid though i legit panickedi am sorry for posting here again all these mistakes are killing me its best if i dont drive at all its not very safe for me and riskyi am really selfish in this and lately ive been giving people attitude i dont deserve to live i want to end it soon some of the posts here unanswered makes me feel really sad ,1
i think my friend killed herselfi am in vacation right now my third day here my friend always told me since i mentioned the trip that i shouldnt go jokingly or at least i thought i found out yesterday as she told me that she didnt eat all day and cut herself she was now at the hospital and i wasnt that worried because it seemed like she was going to be fine i couldnt sleep last night so ive been sending her many messages hopping shell react with a smile as she wakes up but i amafraid she wont one of the last things she told me is that they gave her something the doctors and she was feeling dizzy i feel like just maybe that wasnt a good sign i never cry because i cant but i now am tearing up a little i hope that shes actually just sleeping but i have no idea and that is killing mei am honestly thinking of killing myself if she does it whats the point she was and hopefully is my best friend even though i hate classifying my friends we kissed before i left and i honestly like her i just dont want her to be gone i cannot wait to get back to my home country to hopefully see heredit i got a text from her facebook account it said that she had passed away however like five minutes later she said it was just a prank and even though that is one of the worse pranks ever at the end i loved it a prank because it meant that she was still living,1
jumping ive gotten so obsessed with jumping i cant go 15 minutes without thinking of jumping i just wanted to get this off my chest while i ruminate more on jumping,1
to those who stopped before attempting suicide what made you stop i will share my story since i asked the questionfor me i was sitting in my restroom at home with a loaded visa card looking to buy carbon monoxide when i found it i started shaking uncontrollably and after i started crying i realized i wasnt going to go through with the actwas wondering do you guys have a point in time where you just stopped and decided you were going to try this thing called life again thanks,1
i just am so tired i know ive posted a lot on herei am really sorry but i am15 and i amjust so tired of this depression its been three months 3 suicide attempts and my family really emotionally abuses mei am so exhausted of fighting this i cannot even breathei ambreaking down just sobbing becausei am so so depressed i have been 16 days clean from self harming and its been hell i just dont know how to handle this depressioni amdrowning please any suggestions ,1
amgiving it ten years i guess none of yall have to take me seriously sincei am not a threat but this year has been absolute hell and part of that is because i realized that things have hell for years i just always ignored it or didnt realize what was wrong theyve been bad for my 21 years a quarter of my life so why should they get any better thats just not how my life works apparently soi amgiving it ten years if its not better by theni amout my five year plan involves getting a real job moving out of my hometown and away from the family who has caused me so much pain and getting married hopefully to my current partner five years is the goal but i amgiving it ten just to be safe id like to leave the country by the end of my ten years but i dont know if thats my deciding factor in whether or not i will off myself like i mentioned my family has absolutely ruined my life my childhood was taken away and now the prime of my life is being ruined too i hate them all except maybe my sister they cant help me my partner already listens to enough of my bitching about mental health and i know its going to push him away if i keep it up i started seeing a therapist a few weeks back but hes not really helpful progress so far has been disgustingly slowi ambetter off coping on my ownim just so sick of fightingi am so fucking tired of hoping and dreaming that one day i will be happy and then when i finally feel like things may be getting better something bad happens and its all stolen violently away i just want to be happy please fuck let me be happy if i cant be happy in ten years which is such a long time away then i dont see the point in prolonging the suffering ,1
i almost got the baker act god fucking hates me i get iti am tired of swimming upstreami amready for the shitshowof a lifei amliving in o come to an end my existence is interfering with the happiness of others and i amdutifully prepared to end my life for the greater good fuck you god fuck you you fucking self righteous cunt i used to not believe in god but now i know god exists because god fucking hates me and i experience its hate consistently ive had enough hate if got hates me so much and wont kill me i will take care of it myselfi am sorry i wasnt better than i turned out to be good luck,1
need urgent help friend just took 5 nurofen and panodol mixed together down with alcohol he just told me this after hes done it could he die should i call someone need help,1
ive never felt more free in my life than knowingi am going to die tonight not gonna put my whole sob story out there because you all have enough to deal with i just know its the right thing to do tonight i told someone i was going to kill myself and he said that i was too much to handle i think hes right but i just needed to say goodbye to someone i dont even have anybody to leave a note to goodnight goodbye all and i truly hope you find a different path than mine ,1
whats the point things get better just so they can get even worse were expected to contribute to society but in the end all we get is death everything ive given has gone to waste i have nothing left i have no love to give i dont want to exist anymore ,1
tonight or maybe tomorrow i have wanted it to be over for ages food tastes like dust the concern of others is irritating the instence of the doc that it gets better reads like so much bullshit i have no more little lies to tell myself to get myself out of bed in the weekend i dont have it in me to go on and get better whatever that means if its anything like losing weight i no longer have the capacity for that mental effortthe train lines below are dark and quiet at night a few more hours and i may go and lie down on one will be interesting what if anything comes next if it isnt nothing,1
i justi cant anymore there is nothing that is going to bring me out of this holei am in i tried so hard to be happy on my own be my own happiness because its foolish to expect anything out of othersi amtwenty two years old i know how fickle and awful people can be i just want this stop i want everything to stop i dont want any of this anymore i cant do it i cant be the person everyone expects me to bei am too fragile confused and tired i can hardly take care of myself anymore i just want this to be over i dont care who i leave behind at this point go ahead and call me selfish fuck you fuck you for thinking everyone else is somehow still more important to me i cant do this i cant keep pretendingi amhappy or that everything is going to be just finei am so angry and tired at my core anything would be better then this i wish i could have stopped myself from even being born i give up,1
cant live with or without her we had a falling out because of drama and nowi am not going back to her because of various reasons it hurts a lot to talk to her but after 2 years of friendship i dont think i can stand being without her anyway she is a bit toxic but i was going through a really bad time when she came to my life when i was alone almost all the time and she was the first person i actually spoke to in a while i dont know how to put the past 2 yrs of friendship in words because she really means a lot to me even though she was a pain to talk to at the same timei ampretty conflicted because i feel like i would do better if i cut her out of my life but at the same time i feel like i lost something really important that i will never get back again and it feels like it because in comparison to her everyone else seems awful they dont even want to try to be similar to her at 20 i have been seriously considering suicide because everything seems really awful and painful without her in my life i wont get her back so whats the pointi always think about how the scenario could have been different but it just makes it worse,1
i wanna do it dont do it just talk to me,1
here s my note is this it i ve just written my suicide note i don t know what to do anymore it s directed at my best friend who has slowly destroyed me over the past month ,1
now i understand that even family isnt enough to keep me going surei amstuck at home helping care for a sick physically disabled mother will be for years more yet its not enough for me to want to go oni amperpetually teetering on bankruptcy due to high expenses a low income and limited cash reserves i have little chance of finding any other kind of work than my shitty part time job thanks to a useless degree and only 2 jobs in my experience i cant afford to take on another loan for another college degree because my income is that lowi amall alone most of the time with no friends or girlfriend thanks to how shit i am with people i simply have no place in this world at all worst of all my depression diagnosis turned out completely wrong its actually dysthymiai quite simply dont have much longer to livei am tired,1
amjust really tiredi am not going to commit suicide so maybe this is being posted in the wrong place but if a car were to hit me or if someone shot me dead or if some other event were to end my life i wouldnt complain guess that meansi amjust a coward who hopes to pin my death on someone other than myself but at the point where i am i dont feel sad depressed angry alone or any other feelings that people who have it much worse than i have i just feel so tired from when i wake up to when i go to bed tired of life tired of who i am as a person tired of what a waste ive become and just tired in general and i am really tired of being tired,1
it doesnt feel like theres any other way out theres honestly just too much to even fit into one post i have work tomorrow and i amafraid to leave because i dont want my father to hurt my sister again i just wish i could acquiesce this burden but if id either have to drop out of school to live comfortably on my own in new york take a slower course schedule and overwork myself while i go to school i could barely handle 25 hours a week with schooli amjust going to be here for years having to stand in between them and defuse every fightdying just seems like the fastest way to not have to be responsible somethings going to happen to her and its going to be my fault i just dont want to be there to see it happen and i dont want to deal with what happens after,1
i feel like i don t have a choice anymore i ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for half my life now lately i ve been reading a lot of stories from people that tried and failed and suddenly now wanted to live i m really wondering if that might be the only way to stop thinking about it so much maybe i need to give it a serious attempt before i can get betteri ve come so close a few times the past few weeks everything is horrible in my life right now and it keeps getting worse all the timethe way i m looking at it if i succeed then no more problems if i fail maybe i ll want to get better anything has to be better than what i m dealing with nowhonestly i don t think i ll ever get better but this makes sense to me maybe it ll prove me wrong if i don t succeedidk what to do,1
22 m my last weeki amdonei am going to die by the end of next week and theres nothing that can stop me university is awful i never should have enrolled i only did it because my family wanted me to now in my last year due to financial reasons i have to live with my emotionally abusive sibling who makes me feel worse than trash every day no matter what i do waking up feels like a crime my parents know how i feel about the situation and they agree its awful but refuse to do anything about it my closest friends know thati amat my breaking point and they arent okay with it but theyre decent people who will accept my decision if its what i want i know this will destroy my family and friends and i care but not enough to suffer through this anymore my dpdr combined with natural lucid dreaming make this world feel fake all i want is to die so i can start over in some other life if i die my student debt goes away and i dont have to feel like this anymorei am not gonna wake up crying every day anymore goodbye i guess,1
mental i willness hope guysi am trying really hard really damn hardi ampouring tears right now i have intrusive thoughts that dont leave me ive been having the for 67 months from waking up to sleeping i think about the same thing all day i had to quit working and nowi amskipping school i have no friends and i amrottingi amuselessi aminsane i have held a rifle muzzle to my mouth but never took the shot i have held knifes to my wrist and stomach but never punctured myself i have tried really hard i live with my mom and i live her for how she has helped me but i really have no hope ive tried meds self therapy i dont know what else to try i am going insane i want to end my life before i become a maniac without a soul i dont want to be selfish with my life and take it for granted but granted you were in my shoes you would bot consider this a life you would consider this hell please how do i muster up the courage to end my life help please,1
my heart is telling me to go through with it i thought this year would be differentbut my chest is tight and i feel like something is just telling me to get it over with,1
i been having thoughts dark thoughts i am planning my way out the pressure hope people s eyes focused on me i can t take it i am indian living in uk i was brought here by my parents for a better life but i can t have one to have friends i need to drink with them party with them but i am not allowed too it s lonely when you friends hang out and youcan t i can t disobey my parents because i know what they say is for my own good i love them and i can t disappoint them if it s hard for me it s hard for them too they don t have a friends they live their lives in a loop i can t i can t ever disappoint them i can t understand the english language very well but i do my best i am starting my university course when people see my they think and say you are smart you don t have to try as hard as us they re wrong i try my hardest when they get stuck they ask their parents to help them when i get stuck i can t ask them because don t english so i try harder for them and for myself iiam starting my course it s going to be hard i might even fail this will disappoint my parents i can t take that i can t take the fact i have to pay 13k just because i have leave to remain not irl that s my story that s my ending rather have my parents spend their saving on me i should kill my self anyways even with all that saving they only support me for a year so i can t finish my course which is 4 years so this is my end thank you,1
i talk to my friends to get better but almost no ones responding and i really need someone i can talk toi amalways there when they need to talk why isnt anyone around when i seriously need one to talk to my family is shit and all my friends neglected me my three best friends didnt text me back whats the point now,1
time to go despite supposedly things going well i think it is time to go the thought of continuing another year with a mental i willness that has convinced me that i am inherently a failure and will continue to do so sounds pretty unbearable i have no idea why i continue a life that is inherently worthless i dont want to anymore so now its time to plan the end,1
this is it there is no hope goodbye nicole marvin you were my only love,1
end of my rope i lost my dream job in 2009 i havent been the same since ever since then things have been going downhill my wife and i stopped being intimate we basically existed and somehow continue to exist as roommates she makes more money than i do now and she takes care of 90 of the household expenses the small amount of money i do bring in goes towards my debts i have been unable to get past the job list 8 years ago i dont know why but i just cannot do it adding to that my health has gotten worse since then i refuse to go to the doctor and refuse to go to the dentist i just cant bring myself to do it instead i drink myself into a stupor nearly every night and ignore the pain in my mouth and in my chest i am now at the point where if i dont get over my reluctance to take care of myself i wont be able to get a meaningful job or make anything out of myself problem is i am so terrified of learning that something horrible is going on that i cant see past that it occupies my every thought my wife is an incredible woman she accepts my faults most of them and is incredibly patient i am failing her i have failed her in the past and if i am around for more years i will continue to fail her and fail myself i can no longer accept this i just turned 40 i dont want to turn 41 on my 40th birthday spending time with my parents and wife i looked out over the city and decided that tuesday was the day that i needed to let them all move on now it is friday and i dont feel any different family have gone home wife has a bright future i feel like i am just a roadblock to prosperity i remember when i was 19 and i was convinced that i would die before i was 21 i lived a hard life and made some bad choices back then in fact i should have died a number of times somehow i survived and prospered then things went off the rails again i guess this is what happens and at the end of the day i think tuesday was always the logical conclusion ,1
tomorrow i wrote a letter to my family in which i mentioned thati amtransgender and bisexual googled a bunch of suicide related things such as how long does it take to bleed out all i have to do now is to inform my online friends that i will disappear and might not come online ever again hopefully they wont be asking too many questions i dont want to make them panic i just want to disappear i am afraid to be honesti am not afraid of dying but instead of what would happen if i were to survive it somehow its all or nothing tomorrow on september 23rd i will hopefully finally die ,1
i always just use reddit to stall i need to just delete this stupid throwaway and finish the job before i convince myself to suffer another few months until i end up back here again its always the same,1
i m about to _ _,1
freshers week at university is killing me absolutely killing me for those who dont know freshers week is the first week or two weeks at university here in the uk lots of parties and events take place during the week or weeks and lots of people end up meeting each other or forming relationships i wish i could say that i either hate or love it but i cant give a solid answer on the one hand meeting lots of new people and going to clubs and getting drunk for the first time in my life feels good and takes away most of my sorrows and defensiveness but on the other hand things get much much worse when i realise what is really going on in those events and how much of a failure i amthere are lots of issues that i have so far but one of the main ones is you guessed it virginity and girls many websites and newspapers claim that one of the big things that will happen during freshers week is the romance or getting with someone whether its a simple dance making out or actually bringing them back for a one night stand many students have done something with either the opposite or the same sex sometimes both during this week or weeks and thats one of the main causes of awkward situations when you meet that someone you did it withi hate it i hate being a virgin even as young as 18 i hate seeing all these girls and boys whether they are already in a relationship or just met making out with each other or even kissing once or twice i hate having to make things awkward when i talk to girls or things not going further than just a short conversation though i fully respect consent and if they simply dont want to go any further i hate having to constantly be on the defensive in case they have a boyfriend or guy with them who will attack anyone who so much as talks to them in a wrong way i hate having to end up losing my friends to the crowd in the centre of the club which i learned the hard way i dont survive in i hate so much more of what goes on therebut i cant leave iti cant leave it because i know i will achieve nothing of the sorts should i try and seek out ways other than going to a nightclubi am not looking for a girlfriend at the moment its freshers week for fucks sake youre not meant to be forming relationships already because they wont last and please dont emphasise on this point its trivial every single night every single minute of me being in there not being able to do what the other guys who got girls are doing is torture its the worst i have ever felt in my five years of wanting to get a girl possibly the worst in my life me being suicidal at 11 was nothing compared to what i am and will be going through at the moment i am at a complete loss its the end of the first of two weeks of freshers and i still havent made any progress ive got drunk three times out of the five times i went out and still no drunken making out or hooking up though i know there are other ways to get with girls every time i ask someone for help they are on repeat here are a few examples of what they say and what i really really want to replyyou dont need to rush things b neither did the guys making out with the girlsi am not rushing things because i want toi amrushing things because i have to because if i dont do so by the end of freshers things will get a lot harder as i will have to balance lectures and activities with trying to get with a girl life is more than just losing your virginitymaking out with a girl i know that and just so people know i know its not going to fuck with my studies in any way i wont let it people have said that so many fucking times its not helping either offer some real advise or dont the same can be said of a lot of things yet people still worry about themthere are lots of people who are still virginsdidnt make out with a girl still not helping its the same as saying to a depressed person lots of people suffer from depression at some point in their lives its a subtle way of saying get over it which in itself is really not a helpful thing to sayyoull end up with a lot of embarrassmentawkward situations no hell to the no the same people saying to those who got drunk and embarrassed themselves its alright b they wont even remember it when lectures start have the audacity to say this to me there is nothing embarrassing or awkward about being able to say i lost my virginity during freshers week and it was great or i made out with her so hard last night if anything it will instil confidence nobody fucking understands nobody like drones all they do is just repeat the same fucking useless advicei am at my wits end with this it runs through my mind every fucking minute of the dayi am not trying to set up a multinational company become a multi millionaire or anything that i know will take time and effort alli am looking to do is make out with a girl like all the other guys seem to effortlessly do and end up taking one back to my place to fuck is that so much to fucking ask for ,1
i know i deserve it whenever i mess up i like to punish myself other than the obvious like cutting sometimes i dont eat for hours even thoughi amhungry my record is 22 hours but i eventually caved because i almost fainted sometimes i force myself to walk home alone in the cold and rain because i dont deserve warmth or human company when theres a voice saying that i deserve punishment for being a terrible person on repeat any timei amsuffering it makes the pain a lot easier to bearmaybe one of these days that voice telling me i dont deserve to live will become loud enough that i will actually have the balls to end it all ,1
i dont know what i expected of tonight heres to everyone to have a better tomorrow goodnight everyone we are all important in life,1
was just diagnosed with pdd does anyone have any advice for someone who had been trying his best to deal with long term depression 10 years now i can barely make myself be around people even family seem faceless to mei need some advice on how to deal with this in a healthy way so far its been me working two jobs so i dont have to make friends and self medicating untili am in oblivion,1
at the bottom of what i thought was bottomless my family is so far to the bottom of what i thought was a bottomless pit i can no longer see light it is a terrifying place to bei am tired if fighting just to survive only to get kicked further down every time i see even a glimmer of hope that light turns out to be a train from hell our family breakdown i live with so many medical conditions most days just getting to the couch is a major accomplishment somedays just the restroom i need to remodel my bathtub so i can use it instead of my kids tint one which barely holds my bath chair the way their bathroom is set up makes showering very hard thus very unsafe for me mine needs to be completely redone sue to the handicap bar pulling out the drywall and most if the tiles moisture got in and now it has to be checked for moldi need to make the house more wheelchair handicapped and walker friendly as i just fall sometimes without notice my legs just suddenly stop i need handles on my walls and a ramp into the house i also need to put in enough storage at the wall level that other than major furniture like couches the house is clear for both myself and my husband the garage as well to keep track if the crafting supplies and books i use to make extra money and teach my kidsmy husband has osteogenesis imperfecta or brittle bone disease we sent him to the er last night for one thing and he came home after a ct scan with a diagnosis of a chronically broken pelvis now we know why he can barely walk and why his back hurts all the timemy son is autistic and homeschooling is the only way he thrives but all our computers are 8 years old and can barely work my daughter made one mistake in a teenage career that has otherwise been pretty much as perfect a teenager as can be but it has left us without a vehicle and us in a bad placei am in a wheelchair my husband should be but you know until i get a new electric that i lost to vandalism we are out if luck my seizure cat had massive vet bills this year due to lupus complications and my sons emotional support cat got a bladder blockage so it has been hardthere is so much more thatch have on my help site but i am too tired to type iti amjust exhausted both physically and mentally i dont know how much longer we can can hold it together if i didnt have to worry about the kids i would end it now ,1
one good day that s what i had yesterday the first good day in a very very long time is that what i m fighting for one day where i don t hate myself is it worth staying alive for 1 good day a year i don t think so and now i just don t wanna be here,1
i just want someone to talk to just a human i can freaking talk to and hugi am so alone i just need someone it hurts so so bad being without a someone for such a long period of time plz help me,1
amabout to run out of reasons to keep going this week i just made a list of things that used to make me fell good and now prevent myself from ending my life and i figured out that now i only have 1 motive to wake up in the morning and it isnt enough i feel desperately lonely since 2012 when i moved into a new city and couldnt manage to make new friends only the few ones that work with me and even though they disappear as soon as i move to a new job the only connection with my old life friends and family was my exboyfriend but our relationship was a mess i dont even know if i really love him like ever but we went along for 5 years after my last birthday in march i just realized that he no long filled the emptiness in my heart and he doesnt even treated me like anybody was supposed to be treated by a loved one then we broke upnow i have no family and no friends my mom is the only one and we like hate each other playing videogames watching movies or trying to pull myself into social situations doesnt seems to have any effect to relief the pain anymorei tried talking to my ex again but he doesnt want to talk to me anymore after the breakup he was the only one able to keep the suicidal thoughts outta of my mind and he used to have some kind of mental i willness too so we used to help each other now hes fine with his job his new friends his family that loves and supports him and i am no longer any relief to him i aint even a good memory as he wants to erase me from his life at all costs but he got his almost perfect life and i got nothing but nostalgic sadnessi feel empty and alone,1
my cat died today my best friend hey people so as it says in title i was fighting with depression for a few years now and i actually felt likei amtotally okay last few months but today my cat died my best friend she would always wait by the door when i was about to arrive from work she was always next to me when i was home and now its all so empty i have trouble forming bonds but the bond i formed with her was strong i dont know how to keep on going the worst thing is that i could be blamed for her death i took her to vet because she lost weight and she had some parasites that actually started a cancer in her body vet said that maybe she could have helped her if id brought her earlier she always used to loose weight when she was in heat so i tought thats why she lost some weight but i was wrong and now she is dead they had to put her to sleep forever i cant stop thinking about how it would go if i took here to vet earlier i only noticed she is getting worse a month ago so sincei amliving alone at 21 and paying for living and school while working i had to put some money together before going to vets place i cant stop blaming myself and missing my little tina i always have this feeling that she is here i look on my bed and see her and a second later i realize its just my imagination she is gone i love her so much but i failed her i really do hope she is at better place now waiting for me like she always used to when i was comming from work,1
i think i m almost there i m really drunk my friends have finally passed out i have all the chemicals i ve planned to use idk i guess i really wanted to talk before i did it even if it s anonymous i m almost there just one moment of courage and i m gone ,1
anyone feel this way i dont have any reason to want die it is all just so pointless and none of it matters and we cant control ourselves anyone feel like life is pointless even though you arent going through anything rough,1
my 17f best friend 18m is depressed and suicidal and its draining me its going to be longi am sorry about that so a little background weve been friends for about 4 years with its ups and downs but in the end we still stick together he has had a lot of problems in his life living in a poor family sexual and verbal abuse from colleagues and death of his father to name the most important onesrecently his girlfriend broke up with him to be with another guy from his class obviously he now hates that guy hes had undocumented but pretty much obvious depression and suicidal thoughts before that but i think this has been a breaking point for himafter the breakup hes been telling me a lot more than usual about how he feels saying that hes never going to find anybody who will love him romantically that hes given up on talking to new people because everyone who he meets ends up breaking his heart in some way that he feels alone and basically lacks reason to live plus is overdrien with hatred for that guyno matter how many times i try telling him that its not true that he has people me and some other friends who care about him he doesnt listen to me and just keeps talking about all of this there has even been instances where he would outwardly tell me his plans on killing himself and i had to talk him out of it he would also mention the guy that stole his girlfriend a lot talk about how much he hates him describe how he wants to attackkill him even mention that hes had a dream where he shots him with pleasure they go to the same schoolclass so he even stopped attending it because he says he cant stand looking at him and seeing how happy he isnow the reasoni amwriting all of this is because ive tried helping him a lot of times but theres only so much that i can do i told him that he should see a therapist but he doesnt want to i try telling him that its going to be okay and that i will stay with him but he doesnt believe it hes questioned me a few times thinking that i dont actually care about him but i am still working on proving him otherwise and i think its slowly succeeding but i will be honest and say that its really draining me the way he talks about all of his problems and i cant even help him in any way every single time he starts talking about this i feel guilty for not being able to do anything usefuli amstarting to question this friendship because i love and care about him a lot not in a romantic way but the amount of sadness that i get from knowing how he feels just makes me want to stop talking to him sometimesi realize its probably selfish of me to say this but really talking to him when hes like this has been very tiring i feel like i cant do anything to help him anyway after all ive tried so i just end up reading about how he gives himself max 5 years of life because he says that after that he probably wont have the strenght to live anymore and how he puts on a mask and pretends to be happy it feels like its too much for me but maybei amjust the wrong one because hes clearly sick and in a worse situation than me so i wanted to know am i wrong for being tired of it should i still be friends with him if it brings me so much pain i cant just leave him now because he would get even more depressed and suicidal so what should i dohe truly believes that theres no way he could ever feel better or find someone that will love him he refuses to see a therapist because after his fathers death he doesnt want to give his mother any more reasons to worry i dont know what to do anymore thank you for any help by the way i am not a native english speaker so id like to apologize if the text is chaotic or if there are any grammatical errorstldr my best friend is depressed and suicidal doesnt want to get help i love him but its physically and mentally draining me and i dont know what should i do,1
is this normal heythese days ive been feeling down at school i barely talk with friends also since we are in different classes i laugh at jokes but as soon as i am alone i start to think of how i get hurt example when i stand at the bus stop i imagine how i would jump infront of a car and get hit there is something holding me back and i am probably too scared to do it anyway in the last hours i started to push myself to do impulses things like throwing my phone i am signed up to do workout but i am not feeling like it i lied to my parents that i went to the gym even though i didnt and now they dont talk to me and say what an asshole i am granted i am rude to my parents sometimes and now they keep talking what an unthankful asshole i am these things might be right but it brings me to another point i get angry pretty quickly lately its not that i have some uncontrolled aggression disorder idk the point is i imagine myself being hit and being in a comaunconscious but am too scared to be permanently dead ive been thinking about going to a psychiatrist but maybe this is something everyone goes through sorry if this is all ordered its just that i dont know anymore activities like programming or gamings arent enjoyable anymore to me,1
growing up i didnt realise growing up meant dying inside but hey its whatever,1
no will left to livei am not sure whyi amposting here in the first place perhaps it feels somehow cathartic to let my feelings into the internet without much consequence instead of try to explain them to those close to me and fail to do soi am so tired not myfeethurtfromallthatwalkingandineedtositdownandhavehotcocoa tired but sofuckingoverwhelmedwithallthethingsineedtokeepupwith sofedupwithallmyfailures tired worked my ass off all my life and still failed at life so monumentally with the wrong choices that its almost comical graduated with a subpar gpa living in a hellhole of a country where i feel likei amdrowning cant find a decent grad school with my profile cant find a proper job abroad i spend hours on end studying and applying arrogantly ignoring the fact thati amsimply not good enough i am just a massive failurehow have i come to this was that bright young girl only an i willusion how did i get so left behind how did everything go so wrongits my birthday this sunday forces me to take a good hard look at all that time that ive wasted and at this point there doesnt seem to be much to undo the damage i wish i had the courage to kill myself tried many times got pretty close on a couple occasions but obviously never close enoughi am not sure i could now either and thats the absolute worst its impossible to drag yourself out of bed in the morning when you know nothing you do that day is going to make a difference youre still going to be the same loser you were the day beforetimes passing by and each minute is yet another reminder of the life that i wasted i feel unfathomable shame and guilt for not trying harder but i have no more will to keep on cant keep up this freaking charade anymorei dont think anyone will miss me afteri amgone mom will be glad to have one fewer persons whining to listen to dad wont give it much thought and my brother might not even notice thati amgone boyfriend will likely be relieved to have gotten rid of the burden that is mewhy couldnt one just disappear why does one have to try and deal with a live shes not equipped to deal with why does she need to have the scars left to remind her of that,1
just a thoughti amcurrently in the final decision making stage ive always hated my life since i was 10 i was bullied at school for my stutter so i had no friends and still dont at this point in my life but this summer was the best and worst summer of my life for the first time i was happy i met a girl and she was everything i ever wanted but after a couple of weeks she had to move back to her country and that broke me i started to not eat not sleep and just wanted to be alone that also caused my family to hate me they wanted to help but id push them away now a month has passed by and i come to find out she has a boyfriend the thoughts of suicide were strong before but now they are even stronger for the past month ive had that feeling in my stomach of butterflies or wanting to vomit and i cant take it anymore ive cried almost every day and thoughi am going to therapy the thought of suicide keeps growing stronger i was meant to start my second year of university but i told them i need a year break because i cant get anything done ive stopped taking care of myself and i feel bad for my parents ive already written a letter to my whole family and my ex in case i were to pass away but i dont know what to do its a matter of weeksmonths now i dont see myself going past 2018i know this isnt as serious as others on this group i just wanted to say that i know it feels shit but i pray to god that something good happens in the next fee weeks i love you all and it makes me so sad seeing so many people with the thought of suicide every minute it shouldnt be this way i wish you all the best and i hope you give god a second chance and stay here with us a bit longer theres a reason why you havent done it and you need to keep on believing in yourselfi am trying my best,1
miseryi am so constantly miserable i dont want to breathe anymore nobody likes me and everyone always makes fun of me and how terrible at things i am i try so hard to be happy maybei am not meant to be happy i just want to die i have no meaning and everybody hates me anyways whats the point what do i have to look forward to,1
helping a friend how can i help a friend who is in another state and makes a threat of suicide who can i call for help,1
i am panicking majorly i have about 7900 in debt or so including medical debt i am absolutely drowning in it now and ive tried so hard to make it work but i have basically no spending money and no way to afford my mental healthcare i have constant panic attacks at work i dont eat some days because i cant afford it i cant afford to go to the doctor anymore i cant afford to keep my teeth cleaned theyre almost always in pain from my poor dental healthcare as well i am just wondering why i should continue suffering when i cant even dream of being happy for at least 35 years what is the fucking point in being unhappy for 7 years when things are so bleak why should i live why should i continue to struggle all i feel is guilt and suffering and stress i dont think ive been happy for so long i dont even remember what i feel like normally i just dont know what to do anymore and i am so full of shame for the things ive done and my inability to cope i hate myself and my life and everything i just cant deal with this anymorei ambuying a stout rope tonight and hanging myself or visiting the firing range nearby to rent a gun and blow my brains out at the range i dont want to struggle and suffer anymore this is undending torture for me please understandi have been thinking about ways to kill myselfi ameither going to go buy some strong rope from home depot after i get off or go to the nearby shooting range rent a gun and kill myself there ori am going to go jump off the building next to work ori am going to go home to my apartment and jump off the 3rd floor balcony ori am going to slit my wrists i cant take this anymore god someone please help me how do i survive how do i get 7900 together quickly how do i resolve my growing debt and neverending bills,1
living for someone else and not myself i have wanted to kill myself every day for the last 3 yearsthe biggest issue i face is what pain my mother and spouse would suffer my mother is already killing her liver in her attempts to understand and help my drugaddicted brother my spouse lost 2 out of 3 of his siblings to car accidents and has a hard time cultivating a desire to live and enjoy life if my parents sibling and spouse were removed from my life and the guilt were absent id just do it already but i effing canti hate this mundane existence its always try to find something you enjoy or work on exercising and eating better or some other strip of paper drawn from the pot of lifealtering paths of action but no matter what were still required to live in the i willusion that we have a life while slaving away to make money just to survive we normal people do not call the shotsi just got into a car accident last week i pulled out from the stop sign intending to take a left turn which crosses two lanes of traffic 4lane road that have a straight shot with no stop sign or light the car closest to the curb had its blinker on to turn onto my street no cars were coming from the right i entered the intersection and in no time at all a motorcycle came flying around the turning car and hit my bumper just an inch to the right of my drivers side headlight his bike tore my bumper off tore out all of my transmission and break lines and crushed my radiator i was in so much shock this is the first accident ive ever been in in my life the police were nice and confirmed there were no lifethreatening injuries although he complained of painful ribs and was being taken to the hospital police dept confirmed he is stable and all is wellthe cop wrote me a careless driving ticket which is the equivalent of reckless driving in my state as far as drivers license points go anyway though this is supposed to mean the accident was not caused by intentional behavior the man was still injured in the accident and i was ticketed as the atfault driver though he was clearly speeding and not visible behind the turning car before he sped around them my life is the epitome of murphys law right now our dog and two cats just got fleas two days ago last saturday i purchased an as is used car in desperation and am now indebted to the dealer 4300 despite problems it is having no warrantyi have rheumatoid arthritis so the pain i experience makes it really hard for me to do the things my so would like to do to have fun on monday he talked about taking a trip to europe for a couple weeks to a month but that hed want to go with a friend or someone who can walk around with him and i just feel like ive been given worthless body that only holds me and my loved ones backi am going to have a charge on my record indicating thati amcareless even thoughi amone of the most alert and safest drivers i know to a point where my husband prefers to drive i cant maintain social relationships anymore becausei amjust not interestedi want to be dead i want to be done but i have to live for everyone else in my life and that is killing me even more because none of them have to live in my mind nobody has to live the advice they give me so i just sit here and cry and feel hopeless what is the point anymore,1
the only reason i am alive is because of a girl i like i have been through some bad times and i have thought about killing myself but i havent in hope of being with her,1
almost there same,1
i don t know what to do every time at school there s always someone talking about me behind my back or laughing at me i make good grades and my family life is great but school has gotten to the point where i m scared to go i don t want to study or talk to anyone anymore just go home and lie down and stay there i don t know what to do i ve tried everything and it hasn t helped i have some friends but they never get made fun of or anything it s always just me,1
amdone running in circlesi amsick and tired of all this supposed help thati amgetting its been a whole year already and all that has happened is ive moved right back to where i started ive had self help therapy nothing counselling nothing cbt nothing and nowi amback with self help and the person isnt even a therapist i always knew i was right all along and that nothing was going to help or make any difference to my mood or depressionnowi amjust stuck feeling empty and emotionless about everything and not caring and all my friends have abandoned me just like i knew they would i get no enjoyment or happiness out of anything and everything i do only stops my depression for the period that i do them and when it ends its back to depressioni have every reason to end my life but i still choose to suffer within it i dont even know why i do only that getting the means to end it can be fairly difficult where i live i dont see my lasting too much longer before i finally lose it and frankly i dont really see posting here is going to make much of a difference either but meh,1
my life is a disaster waiting to happen tldr i hate college and i want to kill myselfi want to start off by saying that i am currently a struggling college student in my first year i already dropped one of my classes because i was falling behind so much in that class now i just want to drop out of college and give up be homeless and give up on my dreams of amounting to anything it really pisses me off when people sayi ama smart person because they dont even consider the countless failures in my life and instead look at oh he can solve a rubiks cube hes a geniuscollege is such a fucking scam that high schools brainwash you to get into and when you go in they teach you all this stuff that isnt even relevant to your degree after you become this person deeply invested in the opinions that college has then they give you what you want the educational system in the us is such a fucking disasteri just want to give up and die alone on the streets like my parents told me i would do if i didnt amount to their expectations this massive amount of pressure has been put on me to be an a and b student in classes that have nothing to do with my degree yet i need these classes if i want to amount to anythingthis world has become so black and white and it is a miserable place to be i wish suicide was as easy as pressing a button but i am too pussy to actually do anything like hang myself or jump off a buildingupdate i m just going to take a break from even stressing and recenter myself,1
i want to get away from this self destructive attitude and i feel like ive tried everything ive done some self destructive things one of which being not eating for 110 hours i also constantly have destructive thoughts like breaking a window and ramming a large shard into my thigh these thoughts just appear even whilei amout and i hate iti amsick of these thoughts and i dont know how to fix them i am still get to physical injur myself such as cutting and i likely wont commit suicide but i would love to know if anyone has an idea on how to turn it around ,1
i cant help but feel worthlessi ama 26 year old male living with his mom for financial reasons she verbally and emotionally abused me all my life saying i ruined her life and that she wished she aborted me that i was useless and fucked up and barely a human being due to my introversion and lack of affection for her she was a drunk and let her boyfriends threaten to kill me when i defended her from them and would ask me to forgive them and give them another chance i never felt like she actually wanted a child ive never felt loved by her and i feel likei amincapable of forgiving or loving her at this point that being said in recent years shes acknowledged her abuse and realized her part in my development of clinical depression shes still very harsh towards me sometimes and always assumes the worst of me but its nothing like it used to be i can also stand up for myself a bit better and often prove how irrational shes being earlier today i overheard her talking to her friends about how useless i am it felt like in an instant i reverted back to my childhood and i felt sick its like all her development is fake it upset me but i didnt think truly bothered me until i just found myself thinking i wish i was worth something i keep looking up suicide methods which i havent done in years ive attempted before so it scares me a bit that this isnt beyond my ability the thing is i objectively knowi am not really worthless i have a college education am a good writer have a beautiful girlfriend that i love and amazing friends who value mei amcapable of learning the only issue right now is i have no idea whati am doing with my life career wise i dont have a jobi amlost and i feel like i might not even be capable of a normal job because of severe social anxiety the urge to just end it is growing stronger i dont know how to convince myself that i dont deserve this i dont know how to tell myself that my moms words mean nothing and are bullshit shes shaped me in so many ways all of them negative and i feel trapped i feel like the only way to escape her is dyingi just need to find a way to convince myself otherwise ,1
my inferiority complex towards my boyfriend gives me suicidal thoughts crossposted from where it was deleted to avoid harmful trollsive always had self esteem issues due to my abusive family and repeated school failures i am feeling super inferior to everybody in general and i amvery anxious anyway ive been with my boyfriend for a bit less than a year now hes absolutely amazing on every aspect hes the most caring i ever knew he accepts all of my insecurities listens to my worries and always does his best to reassure me a real treasure besides that hes confident attractive extrovert popular and a very talented musician basically he has all the qualities i desirei am4 years late in my studies have no talent suffer from anxiety and body image issues many things that he never worries about every time he displays his musical or social talent instead of feeling inspired by him i get super jealousi amconvinced that hes whati amsupposed to become and that i never will because i suck at everything and i ama failure now ive reached a point where i cant even stand hanging out with him because i immediately start comparing him to me and it makes me feel suicidal i feel likei amnever gonna be as good as him and that i should erase myself becausei amgonna be a failure forever i know my behavior is unhealthy but i amunable to see my boyfriend as my equal and it makes me more and more depressed each time please help i dont know what to doi amvery sorry about my bad english its not my mother tongue thank you for reading boyfriend superior to me in every aspect i feel inferior next to him and it drives me nuts i know its unhealthy but i dont know what to do ,1
need friend i need to keep my mind occupied,1
about ready to throw it ini ama young adult 22 and the thought of living on my own with no help of any kind is driving me towards suicidei have no friends either as they all left or made there social circle smaller leaving me out,1
am going to die by the end of weekend and the thing that hurts the most is that there is nothing i can do about it not when ive tried every trick in the book to stay alive i really wish it didnt have to be this way and now i get to prepare my final 2 days on earth,1
i feel so lost please help i really could use a friend i usually am on here different username and would rather not share helping others to get back from the brink tonight i am feeling really low to the point of suicidal i am overwhelmed by a number of different factors and each one would make me seem like an ingrate i am not i really dont want to die i dont want to give into these feelingsthey scare me i really dont think i would actually do anything to hurt myself but the feelings are there on occasion tonight has been bad i am worried about my cat that is sick potential flea infestation on top of it all which makes me feel like a horrible pet owner and i love my two cats to death not literally dont worry i am also very worried about my husband who i got sick because i was sick seasonal cold i am still trying to recover myself i know that probably has made it harder to get out of this negative thought process i tend to get myself into sometimes late at night when i cant sleep i havent slept at all tonight i have been obsessing on things that are out of my control at the moment and it sucks like i said i wont hurt myself i am just having a very bad night even so i am posting here as a reality check to myself i really need someone to talk to i dont have a new therapist yet i have a great husband who really helps me a lot and works very hard and i just feel like i am a lazy burden who is keeping him from having the life he really wants but he says thats not true i wish things could be easier i am sorry for rambling i just had to get this out somewhere ,1
again i want to die again it s always again i don t care i don t want to get better i want to curl up in a ball and die nothing traumatic has occurred and i have friends and family that would probably support me through this but they don t know how i feel because i don t want them to support someone that doesn t want to change i have allowed the depression to become comfortable because it stays unlike my fleeting states of random happiness the thought of suicide crosses my mind more than it probably should but those thoughts have become comfortable too i think i ll eventually do it one day maybe not soon but i think i ll do it recently i ve come to the conclusion that i should die painfully because my life is great and i shouldn t be in this much mental discomfort so i ll die painfully as a last way of letting myself know that i am worthless and i deserve to be in pain for not seeking help or being able to fully take advantage of my life ,1
goodnight everyone ive decided tonight is the night i diei am going to take a bunch of pills a slit my wrists as backup i will let you guys know if it doesnt work out thanks for everyones support ,1
i want to use suicide as a means of getting my father to listen now heres the contextmy father was cheating with my mother by talking with a lot of girls on messenger aunt found out told my mother i dug deeper and found some other things as well happened 2 months ago parents still have huge fights everyday now back then i loved my father hes a very hard worker working from 10 am up to 12 am with no breaks and he still found time to spend with us on weekends but after we found out he changed bad he began being cold ruthless i already blamed myself for all those fights since i was the one who introduced my father to messenger but he threw even more shit at me started shouting at me everything i did was wrong restricted me from the internet and going out with friends i have to hide my phone every night for fear that he will take itbefore the fights i was depressed but nowi amdepressed to the point of contemplating suicide i cant bear this anymore he wont listen when i plead he wont listen when i scream he wont listen when i reason maybe suicide is the only way to show him the effects he has produced on me,1
today is the day while i realise most of my problems are temporary the pain i go through daily is not i really cant handle it anymore life just isnt worth it for me,1
its okayyou are lucky its okay when your father didnt understand you at least he still talks to you its okay when your mom doesnt make sense at least she is there for you you are so lucky to have an angry big brother atleast he cares for you its okay when your sister dont listen to you she still loves youhow lucky you are when ur friend calls you for meetup how lucky you are when you have hundreds of kith and kins in your contacts you dont know how it feels in eternity when they hate you you dont know how betrayed you feel when the so calls friends forever dont even reply yiu you wont understand the cruelty this cosmic laws plays with you you are so lucky they understand s you you dont know how it kills you when they dont even want to see this scums face he did what he thought was right but he cant explain it to them they thought he dont need parenting anymore he wanted to tell the reason but it was too late he tried to open up with his so called friends from childhood but he was unaware of the facts that he never had those friends he tried to leave everything behind but he cant cuz he loved them a lot he still cares you are so lucky you dont care anymore but he isnt he scrolls through infinite list of contacts in his smartphone but he wasnt smart enough to understand he is not a friend he was a puppetits okay when they dont sound pleasant you can still listen to them until its too late he tried his best for others but he lost his soul somewhereyou are so lucky and you wake up every morning with a good morning message he wakes up thinking to get a small peek of his dearest people i dont want you to suffer what i am suffering spend sometime with your family when you are still lucky,1
i want to kill myself i feel so fucking bad i just want to end iti amdepressed and nobody really cares just i want to die,1
near the end i knowi amnearing the end i can handle anything right now and i know its only a matter of time before i go i know whati amgonna do and wherei amgonna do iti amgonna make everyone hate me first that way they wont care when i go i dont want anyone living with the guilt that my friends have left me with the what if i would have tried more if i make everyone hate me then i can slip away in peace my time is almost up,1
i feel so empty right now both my gf and i have always suffered with mental health issues and weve always been there for each other for the past year weve been together recently however she decided to go to a therapeutic school for what could be either just a few months or even a year and as a result our communication has severely lessened she said she was getting sick of her mental i willnesses getting in the way of her life for so long and wants to do her best now to manage them so that when she is out she would be a lot more stable and healthy and that would make our relationship even betteri havent talked to her in a week and it wont be awhile before i do as she has to work her way up to earn more privileges such as leaving the school or using the phone and such and its been really hard without her i know how unhealthy it is to be so dependent on another but yet its so hard to change and i know i should be happy that she is doing what she can to better her life for her and everyone around her and i am happy for her and i amexcited to see how she will be as time passes but i cant help but feel so empty without hershe was my motivation for everything id get up in the morning so i could say good morning and talk with her before she goes to schoolwork now i wake up at 4 pm after being asleep for over 10 hours etc etc i dont feel like writing more examplesi realize how petty this isi ammad thati amlike this but theres no energy to change it ive been on the verge of crying for days now but i just dont want to cry because i know once i start crying it wont stop ive just felt and done nothing for so long of my life to have her enter my life changed everything and now that shes gone for awhile i dont know what to do its been so long since ive been alone that i dont know what to do with myself i dont have a purpose for myself i dont really know what to ask of people here i just needed somewhere to ventedit ive realized that i probably shouldve posted this in as i didnt really mention suicide at all here sorry about that i do feel suicidal but i dont think id do it because i know how horrible it would be for my gf to be away for awhile trying to get help and hear that i killed myself while she was gonei amsure she would even blame herself for it and i wouldnt want that,1
no matter how much you hate me you can never hate me more than i hate myself damn i thought i was original with this saying,1
what happens if i tell my gp that i have a plan i have a plan but i amunlikely to carry it outi am17 and live with my parents will they find out uk,1
there must be something wrong with me and not the world so the only solution seems to be to kill me it s simple thats not true the world is a messed up place while their may be something wrong like depression it doesnt mean we are flawed,1
tied a noose and hung it up i knew i wasn t going to do it because i brought my keys with me i m a failure even at suicide i don t know what else to say like so many others here i feel like i have no reason to be depressed yet i am it s a constant feeling that will never ever go away no matter how hard i try it s genetic it s nature it s biological whatever the reading it s here to stay i want to kill myself so badly but for some reason all i can think of is how i will let people down and that just makes me sadder i feel like i exist only for other people there s no other reason for me to exist in fact if i didn t exist i would care because i would be nothing i m not sure what help this sub can bring me but i m alone at home right now and i guess this is better than nothing ,1
thinki amdone by now its just the same everyday work work work got no education whatsoever i get kicked out of every school i go to what is the point if all i have is beer and football skipped my girlfriend to watch football so we broke up yeahi am in pain everyday all i want to do is fight i seriously think i got no future ahead of me this weekendi amhome alone not even sure ifi am going to work anymore really thinking about just doing it why not there is nothing to lose anymore man ,1
just tied a noose and wrote a note now having second thoughtsi amhaving second thoughts even though i was 100 sure before now i dont feel i need to talk to any body even thoughi amprobably going to feel the same way soon whats up with that,1
is there anyone that could talk to me just like be my friend even if its only for a few minutes please i just want to talk to someone that will carei am16 if age matters,1
can i talk to someone not someone from a suicide hotline please i dont need effing police on my front doorstep i just really need to talk before i go any further,1
i cant handle thisjust one reason isnt enough any more help me i used to be able to tell myself one reason was enoughmy wife was enoughbut i was wrongshe works so hard to take care of me i am disabled but not enough to get disability despite being every definition of nonfunctional she loves me but i dont know why it scares me my own parents never loved me or wanted me shes the only one who cares i dont deserve it i feel likei am in the way of her life and her happiness if she had a semifunctional significant other she would be so much happier and in a better place financiallyemotionally all i do is drag her down shes become so depressed lately because she cant save mefix mecure meim tired of this limboi am so tired every moment i am awake every breath hurts physically because of my sickness there is no cure no one cares to find one and i am not even able to manage the severe chronic pain side effect without getting treated like shit but theres no way to explain that youre suicidal because you cant get pain medication without sounding like a drug addict even with multiple chronic paincausing diagnosiss diagnosi whatevermake it stop i dont even know what i need i just need it to stop hurting this way,1
i dont want to live but i dont want to die does anyone else feel this way me too death is an incredibly scary unknown but life is a very sad reality sleep is a great intermediary state but very few of us have the privilege of being able to sleep all of the time ,1
never thoughtd i would be posting this throughout my whole time having depression i have never been so close to just ending it all it wouldnt be easy and i dont really have a method or anything but god i think about it daily now last night i actually had the courage too and i just dont know how feels like my life is on a constant downward spiral and i cant seem to pull myself out of it when i think ive gone through the worst thing ever life just tops it yes i have people and yes i matter to some people and it would suck knowing i hurt them but its so fucking hard to keep living a miserable life i cant do anything right and it may get better but that doesnt erase all of the bad shit and some things you just cant come back from i dont know how much longer i can take this dude i feel likei am going insane ,1
amdisappointing my whole life i was toldi am so smart and that i can do anything i put my mind to i was held to a higher expectation because i excelled in many areas but i just took that for granted and thought i didnt need to do any work for what i wanted because it was easy and i thought i would do it eventually now i have let everyone down my parents my boyfriend my teachers and friends i dont put forth effort and when i do its too late i feel terrible although nobody has said anything i still know and can sensei ama disappointment i feel like my life is worthless and i have no reason to be here maybe i should just give up ive already messed up enough,1
is there a reason whyi amalways left out nevermind another unnecessary post that didnt really belong here,1
i want to tell myself positive things but its so hard i dont know why but i will catch myself saying negative things to myself all the time mainly related to a small thing from almost a year ago a short highschool relationship breakup 10 months agoas advised i will try to stop myself from telling myself negative things if i catch myself telling myselfi ama piece of shit for the 100th time i will tell myself to stop but i can never get to the point of telling myselfi amgood or just even an ok i go back to telling myselfi amshit for whatever reason just moments laterim tired of feeling this way about a problem thats so minor compared to anything else real people have to deal with i was happy before and now i feel isolated and a burden to everyonei have friends and a hobbies and this and that nothing seems wrong from the outside maybei amjust hyperinflating this problem from the inside to make it feel like a much bigger thingmaybe this is more of a post but i hate thati ameven scared of looking at her general direction when i have to see her everyday its so fucking pathetic when all she thinks of me is a friendill sometimes talk to her bestfriend and get help from her late at night but realizei amprobably ruining the friendship between me and exs bestfriend and try to curve it to be a happy ending likei ammoving on thanks again or i think this is working i dont like lying to her but i dont want to be annoying to her i told her tonight lets not talk about my ex anymore so i dont annoy her and ruin our friendshipanyways this and that the tldr is i feel lonely and pathetic for inflating my problems to be much bigger than they are i wont kill myself but i sometimes wish something would kill me or i would consider how to kill myself and how better everything and everyone would be afteri amgone maybei amjust an edgy teen full of weird chemicals but i dont know if this is a real problem or not,1
afraid of death but feel it could be releasei am so afraid of death its a legitimate fear however they always say you should face your fears and i dont know how to face this one short of being in control of when i die i dont want to diei amscared to die but it almost seems pointless to live for me i dont feel ive had any release ever ive always been in a fight or flight state and i dont know what to do anymorei am so scared of death but it feels like its the only thing that could help right now ,1
i cant anymore ive dealt with depression ive dealt with rejection ive dealt with failure all i feel is thati amnever good enough and never will be i dont want to go on my ex and i we were together for so many years and hes moved on whilei am still crying every day hell even be a father within a few weeks i was never good enough to have his children he never wanted them turns out he never wanted them with me he loves his new life living together expecting a child and all i have is myself nobody that loves me and nobody to love hes always on my mind she gets everything he gets everything i get nothingi am so donei amjust done i really dont want to live anymore there is so much stress on me and going on around mei am so fucking doneonce that babyll be borni amgone ,1
please someone help me i cant take it please someone stop mei amyoungi amdecent at art i suppose i have a boyfriend who loves me but my emotions i cant stop themi am going crazy i stopped myself before because i asked for help here but everything is becoming stressful i just want to relax and sleep why do i feel like i need to end it alli am going crazy someone help me,1
i fucking hate my birthday why did i have to come into existence in the first place i fucking hate today so much all it does is remind me every year about how many people dont care about me howi am another year closer to dying anyway and how many life milestones i am no closer to reaching i am so fucking tired all i can do right now is cry because i keep trying to get better and do better but it always amounts to nothing nothing changes for the better and i dont know howi amsupposed to just keep going anymorei am too old for this shit,1
amafraid of getting old and want to die before that happens its so weird that as a teen i tried to kill myself because my life sucked but nowi am in my mid 30s and my life is awesome except for one thing thati amgetting old i am panicking about this and cant stand to look at myself in the mirror anymore i just started getting gray hairs and its freaking me outi am not ready to grow old and go through everything that comes along with it i know this is a stupid reason for being suicidal and its selfish of me but i am too scared to get any older i cannot stand the thought of getting one more gray hair and wrinkles and all that other fun stuff i just cant do it i cant live knowing thati amstarting to rapidly age and am getting old its time to end my life but i really dont want to can someone please help me i need someone to talk to i told my husband howi amfeeling and he doesnt seem to care he wont answer my texts so now i feel all alone and really need someone to talk me out of this before i go to the highway in front of my house and jump over the barrier onto coming traffic ,1
i like to think i feel normal but theni am not killing myself goes through my mind a lot i used to think it was normal and that everyone has these thoughts and theres nothing to worry about its been getting more and more frequent of coming to mind for the past couple months it feels like there has not been one day that goes by without the thought of ending myself it scares me because i feeli ambecoming more accepting andor prone to do iti ambecoming less afraid to die today i got hit the scariest rush of just wanting to do it it had never felt so strong in my life beforei amscared that its going to get worse,1
i think this is it i just finished my note to my husbandim scared to die but i see no other solution i am pathetic and my life is a mess i feel ashamed for being me i have noone except husband and he would be so much better without me i cant get help noone can help me and i can no longer help myself for 20 years i have hanged in there hoping for life to be better and yes some days life felt livable but this last year my life has come crumbeling down on me and the only solution is to end it it would be so muchbetter for my husband in the long run my depth will die with me my pathetic beeing will be gone all my life i heard how strong i am but i am not i am fucking weak i have nothing even my parents could not live for me so why should i yes both my parents commited suicide so did my uncle three other friends and my best friend and then i brought all this problems on myself by being a useless piece of shiti am so sick now i cant work or anything i hardly ever sleep or eat my life is hopeless and i bring nothing good to the table just being alive is not enoughi wish i could live but i cant i see no light in the tunnel i feel shameful for bringing myself to all this depth and now when i cant work everything comes tumbeling down on me i hate myself i hate to feel this way i am not strong i am weak as hell ,1
so i kinda went to look at guns today soi amprobably going to be fired next week because my work has been garbage this is just the cherry on top of a lot of garbage making me think continuing to deal with depression and severe anxiety like i have been for the past five years and my entire life basically nowi ambusting my ass to try and make sure i dont lose the job but i kinda hate it anyways and this is the second time this has happened where i am really close to being fired i guess i kinda came out of it while at the army navy store but goddamn like i was at that point like you read where suicidal folks get happy thinking they are finally at that point where its gonna end i guess part of it was deciding i didnt have enough experience with guns and needed to research it more or practice with one before i know itll be lethal like its still a very real possibility of happening me buying one my state has no waiting period and i have enough money at the moment to buy onei am not sure what i thought id get out of posting this i guess i needed to venti am trying to schedule an appointment with my therapist for tomorrow or monday but fucking hell ,1
i did a mistake ok so today at work a few co workers brought up suicide and joked about it a bit and i was in but then i started to casually explain the best ways to kill oneself and how i would do iti am21 and i have a very detailed plan for killing myself wheni am30 and life doesnt change to the better and one of them said seems like you thought about that a lot and i didnt know what to say and just went silent everyone looked at me in a weird way and i awkwardly tried to change the topicpretty scared that theyll tell this to our boss or other coworkersany of you ever had a slip up like that,1
it would not matter if i died 10 months ago i had some good times indeed but the times when i was at peace were very rare and i think i would not be missing out on anything had i died the thought of unconsciousness and void is still alluring it actually made me welcoming of death and not scared of it i already have an idea how to end it though had quite some time to think about that i dont want this its that simple,1
i thinki amdone i basically mauled my academic career in about 3 days and dont have the energy to put that or myself back together ive fallen apart so many times already and dying just sounds nice tbh,1
everything i do leads to suicide delete,1
i dont know what to say really i guess i just want to get this off my chest and see if someone can give me a reason to go on this post might sound like bullshit or exaggerated but its all true i dont think theres any way i could prove this stuff thoughi was born with aspergers ocd and depression ive wanted to die for one reason or another every day of my life as far back as i can remember i almost attempted suicide when i was sixmy family hates me both of my sisters would routinely bully me to the point of me wanting to die when i used to live at home my mom and dad like to treat my problems as a joke and laugh at me for being retarded or too much of a little bitch to get laid i would be physically abused chocked beaten head slammed into a wall and had my problems laughed at i remember being so sick i could barely stand and being told to stop ruining their nature walk i was also molested by a neighbor i told my parents they either didnt believe me or didnt care and hes been over to our house many times for holidays events or dinners ever sincethe only thing i ever really enjoyed was video games but my mom refused to even consider letting me have any even if i bought them with my own money no less she said i needed to spend all my time studying so i could get scholarships to college and i was ten when this started congrats to me i got a bunch of scholarships to a college i didnt want to go to and now spend my days in college year five so busy i barely have time to do anything besides study and its all for a degree for a job that i hate so much i would rather die than have to do every dayi have almost no friends and the few i do are usually too busy to ever talk to me i usually talk to them once a week at besti have no money no social life no romantic interesti am an asexual sex disgusts me and so does romance barely any friends and a family that hates me i can look forward to a life of working a job i dont want to work until i get old enough to retire retiring to an empty house with no friends or family and then slowly watching myself get old and then die with no one around who loves or even cares about me ,1
had my first thought today i havent been diagnosed but i amprobably depressed my emotions mostly feel like trying to see through waxpaper but lately ive been seesawing very badly i whiplashed today and almost quit my gym workout i got a wave of self consciousness and defeatism before i left my house pissed off at my appearance not being what i want it to be and having no control or recourse not obesity or anything but just genetic traits i get angry i cant achieve the appearance i want without a ton of effort i cant imagine how it is for women to feel something like that daily i will certainly never downplay their self consciousness ever i think i have a narcissistic streak that kicks in as a defense mechanism from accepting thati ama total failure piece of trash i know that i am not but facts dont matter when feelings are involved as soon as i got out of the shower after work i looked at myself trudged through my routine and felt totally drowned in hopelessnessthen i felt physically nauseous weak and had a suicidal thought on a treadmill i have no idea what happened but i finished my workout and i seem to be ok now i had a couple friends from years ago show up as they do regularly so i sort of had to snap out of it for some reason i wanted to explore the idea i visualized doing it with a gun in my room i wont go into the details not just because the rules say not to but i wasnt really interested in the effect on me for some reason my mind was immediately picturing my parents hearing a loud bang and feeling their gut drop through the floor at the suspicion of what i did then rushing over to finally see it it was less a taunt for me to do it but something my mind wouldnt let me get away with without going all the way it was a morbid curiosity that spawned from an intense wave of raw self loathing its so odd because i was generally 30 minutes before this happenedi think i just cant accept that i wont be what i see in my mind i dont get the attention i feel i deserve i ignored and i dont know what to do my life feels incomplete i dont know how to get to stage 2i amsurviving but i am not living and dont feel in control enough to adequately improve my life but i should be in controli am an adulti ama who is trying to be in the top 10 i look in the mirror and see 2 people depending on my mood balance i see a somewhat handsome man ready to take on the world and other times a man who is deluded afraid and hiding and the world by not giving me any attention is feeding the latter self image,1
i dont really know anymore i dont really know whati am doing here but i dont have anywhere else to goi ama 20 almost 21 year old university student in england in my normal lifei amoutgoing fairly confident and happy as with most students and where i am from i go drinking a fair amount right nowi amdrunk its 4am and ive just gotten home and to be honest i want to die i get like this a lot when i have been drinking and sometimes wheni am not and i dont know whats going on i feel incredibly lonely like i have no one to talk to and honestly it makes me not want to exist i always present myself as being strong and self assured however when i get like this i just weep uncontrollably and dont want to be herei honestly dont know what to do i have no one to talk to i hate admittingi amsad but at this point i have no choicei amtold i have a lot to live for but at this rate i dont know wether i can reach my 21st i dont have anything to continue for right now i hope someone is here,1
fear and pain i cant do this anymorein a way i knew exactly how this would all endi am tired of bullshit answers sorry cant help younothing we can do and reaching out to get absolutely nothingim tired of fightingi am tired of being sicki am tired of being stupidi am tired of my mistakesi am tired of my pasti am tired of nothing getting better i know maybe this feeling right now is a result of my poor choices but isnt everything all of this is unsurmountable none of this is fixable i survived so much more than this previously and thats one of the cliche bullshit lines those trying to help have suggested but theres no way to make it out of this one i should go out on the porch so i dont mess up my clean house,1
feels like i m hanging by a thread all i think about is death and pain i feel pain i want others to feel pain my pain i want them to experience what i have experienced why should i feel this pain alone why keep it all to myself i want to share it i hope they feel it when i go i want to go now i want to go but i see no way out i m trapped i m trapped in my head all day death and pain why am i alive what is the fucking point of anythingmy head is going to fucking burst i cannot take this i do not want this haven t i suffered enoughi wish someone shared their love a little bit even a tiny bit with me i want that but i do not deserve it i am left alone why am i so repulsive disgusting pathetic lazy life seems like a bad dream a nightmare this is as good as it gets fuck this fuck everyone,1
tonight is the same hi thank you for reading this i am not going to die tonight but i want to oh how i want to i just need to get my thought out to someone so thank you for taking a piece of your life to read mineim 27 i tried to kill myself when i was 17 havent tried since haha 10 years cleanshit sucks you keep telling yourself things get better but you know every day that its a liefor the past 6 years i have been living to take care of my grandfather and mother i have no job because its a full time job taking care of them in my spare time i do home repairs on both housesi ampretty good at it and basically done everything from flooring to whole bathroom remodels i also built my own house with my bare hands only 1200 sq ft but its my dream homemy mother is suicidal and my grandfather is about to die every morning i wake up and go check on him and you have no idea how it makes me smile to see himmy father got arrested for child pornography a couple months ago soi amthe only thing my mother has nowim not dumb i have two college degrees but i feel like a failure i tryi sit here and think whats next i have everything i want in life but i amterrified of losing everythingi am not sadi am not wanting morei amperfectly content it is what scares meive been looking for a girlfriend for 8 years havent found one yet because i never go out and even though i dont thinki amugly i cant find anyone using tinder ive tried other dating apps but nothingi have no money to my name and any money i do have goes to my mother and grandfather i do odd jobs for people like fixing home plumbing or remodels guess you can call that a job but i dont make that much to require to send in a tax returnthe only thing i thinki ammissing is someone to give my love to its all ive ever wanted there was this girl that i have liked for 10 years but i think tonight is the night i finally lay that to rest long story my whole love life is a long story my other last crush that i knew just as long got raped and wanted to stop talking to me that was over a year ago shes with someone now and i amactually happy for herlife doesnt get better sorry this is such a poorly written post so much to say but i dont care to writeeveryone is special you are special ,1
why i have depression and what it makes me feel likei am26 years old i will be 27 in october ive suffered with depression for most of my teenage years and all the way up to now i will have it for the rest of my life its not something that can be cured only managed with a daily dose of medication that some days doesnt feel like it works i was bullied all throughout secondary school from roughly the ages of 12 to 16 it was an unpleasant time in my life there were a few people i hung around with and spoke to but i still felt like i had no friends within school my best friend went to a different school he was the only real friend i had outside of it i saw him nearly every day but i still felt like an outsider within my group of friends and even my own family i felt alone during school i was called names slammed into lockers tackled to the floor and pinned down i even had a brick thrown at my head once by one of my oldest friends the sad part is even though i was angry and hurt by what happened i couldnt bring myself to walk away from them because i didnt want to be alone i wasnt very smart i did poorly in my gcses after leaving school i took an ict course in college because i had aspirations to become a video game developer but i dropped out after a month because i knew it would take more than an active imagination to become a developer it would take brains and i was severely lacking in that departmentso after dropping out i ended up living at home jobless playing my xbox all day and doing very little else id borrow money that i had no intention of paying back off my parents and grandparents i feel guilty about that honestly i was always quite lazy i never really wanted to work but a part of that came from lack of confidence and rejection because i was bullied in school i had very little confidence in myself i was always doubting myselfi am not smarti am not goodlooking i will never amount to anything and i didnt like being rejected it made me feel worthless especially when i went to interviews and they said you dont have much experience do you my reaction was always how am i supposed to get experience if no one will hire me no one seemed to understand that i had a few small jobs that lasted a few days each but i always ended up being a jobless bum then one day my grandad got me a job with him growing christmas trees best job i ever had i loved it i worked there for maybe two years i enjoyed the work the money was great but it was only a temp job and i knew that going inone day my grandad asked me to drive the tractor up and down the yard whilst our boss was on holiday so i could get used to it he wanted me to reverse it back up the yard i did and almost crashed into the shed he lost his temper and yelled at me basically called me useless i felt so low that i sat in the truck for the rest of day and cried he was right i am useless in november 2015 i met my exfiancee amy she was my first girlfriend because i never had the confidence to approach a girl and ask her out i was a virgin until i was 24 i felt so special when amy agreed to go out with me i felt even more special when she said yes to marrying me two months later life was great for a long time then in march 2016 my job growing christmas trees came to an end and i was so scared that i wouldnt find another luckily amy helped me and i had a cleaning job within the week life was great againand then something happened i finally admitted that i had depression and thats when things went wrong i started taking antidepressants but i foolishly stopped taking them because i felt like i was getting better and thats when i started treating amy poorly i was nasty to her i hit her eventually i lost my cleaning job and life went extremely downhill from that point onwards i became more nasty and cruel i was snapping at her more often i hit her more often she didnt know who shed get next jekyll or hyde jekyll was the man she fell in love with sweet kind caring loving the man who helped her get out of debt that her exboyfriend left her in a week after we met the man who bought her an xbox one as her first christmas present the man who treat her like the princess she was hyde was the man she scared of cruel physically abusive nasty a man who didnt realise what he was doing until it was too late who didnt care about the damage he was causing in short he was an asshole but that wasnt the real me the real me was the man who would hold her as she cried herself to sleep who would sit on the sofa crying after trying to follow her when her mum upset her only to be told to leave her alone who made her laugh at his stupid jokes who would help her with money whenever she needed it in short he was the man she fell for two months ago she left because shed had enough of the abuse and i cant really blame her for thati am angry at myself for letting it get this far and for being such a stubborn idiot i never meant to hurt her i never meant to cause her so much painnowi amalone againi amjobless again because i quit and i am in so much pain myself becausei ammy own worst enemy all i ever wanted was to get married have a family i can be proud of and have a job i like so i can provide for them i wanted a son who grows up to be a better man than his father and a daughter who grows up to be exactly like her mother i have friends and family who say they care about me but i am not entirely convinced they do if they did my three best friends would have invited me to visit new york next year if they did my family would invite me around for a meal one night the little things maybe i dont want them to care so it would be easier for me to do what i feel i have to do in order to make this pain go away ive tried to commit suicide three times in the past two months i tried to overdose three times and failed each time ive cut myself too during those times i tried to kill myself i was acting irrationally because she refused to talk to me after a month of no contact she decided to contact me out of the blue and brought all these old feelings back then she decided to ignore me making me feel a hundred times worse because now i knew that she had been with other people since our breakup and she was out with her friends whilst i was crying in my room so i was trying to kill myself because i was upset over being ignored and being let down by her but now i feel that if i do commit suicide itll be spontaneous therell be no plan itll just happen i can already feel something or someone pushing me towards the edge i know howi am going to do it but it wont be me doing it i wont be in control and maybe thats exactly how i want it to be i love my family i love my friends i love amy i dont want to die i want to live theres so much i want to do i want to play the next splinter cell and watch john wick 3 but not when i feel likei am in hell i feel numb lost adrift in an ocean of despair and loneliness a man so broken by the events of his life that hell never be whole again and i want so desperately to make us both whole again but as much as i dont want to admit it i believe that ship has sailed and its never coming back depression kills everything your mind body soul heart family friends love and hope its the hardest thing to endure because only you can endure it people can try to help you through it but they cant share the weight by carrying your burden with you only you can and thats what makes you feel alone because youre the only person who understands exactly what it is youre going through its hard to listen to people telling you to stay strong when you have no reason to stay strong its those people who make you feel weak its those people taking your hope away from you by the things they say or do my own mother and sister have called me selfish for wasting everyones time when theyre trying to help me it pisses me off that my mum has called me selfish when she suffers from depression too and has wanted to do it herself but the only reason she hasnt is because of me and my sister in all fairness thats a perfectly good fucking reason to not do it if i had kids i wouldnt do it because i have a responsibility to them but because i have no kids no job no partner ive got not responsibilities so why shouldnt i be allowed to end iti saw someone say on another reddit page that its only selfish in the sense that i want something for myself and that its the type of selfishness that someone should be allowed to have which to me is completely spot on whats truly selfish is wanting someone to live in misery and permanent suffering just so you dont feel sad or upset over their passing it takes true courage to make that jump knowing full well that youll never go to the cinema again eat your favourite food again or make love again the only thing that stops us from doing it is the knowledge of the void well be leaving behind but unfortunately it will get to a stage where we cant quite comprehend that thats the danger of mental i willness it blinds us to the world around us in our heads were totally alone which means theres no one to hurt ive come to understands that life is a series of events that leads us down a path of darkness with occasional beams of light i willuminating the way forward its not the destination that matters its how you get there and who you get there with unfortunately the person i wanted to get there with is no longer around,1
it got so much better and nowi am in hell again i dont even know how to begin about nine months ago i first posted here i was in hell like ive been for most of my life then at the beginning of the year i decided to risk it all i told my best friend i always loved him we got together i felt like he gave me a purpose and made me felt alive he showed me the path to get out of hell i couldnt believe it in fact i lost it all after a couple months he broke up with me out of the blue via message and blocked me i have been on meds ever since part of me wants to destroy him or what he has become as hes not who i knew but rather a stranger part of me wants to destroy myself because i thought it could get better i could be happy its all gone in the blink of an eye i just have no reason to be here life is not fair i am so tired of fighting and for what i gave him everything and all i got as a thank you was to be treated worse than shit everything ive done with him was the bright side in my life i have never been happier now everything just lost meaning i feel like a robot living becausei amsupposed to not killing myself because of the pain i would cause to my family sometimes i wish my life was really my own and that i could just end it ,1
i want to die i am hollow and fake and empty i have been my whole life everything just hurts so bad i cant breathe and i am lying here crying begging some higher power to not let me wake up if i go to sleep i want it to be over i dont want to be here i just cant anymore i cant pretend to be ok what worth am i anyway a repressed transgender with nothing but fear sadness and pain to show my life i deserve this,1
noi am not okayi amdefinitely not okayi amvery thoroughly fucked up in the head ive been suicidal all day and i found myself googling how to obtain a gun in my state i want to hospitalize myself but my mom cant afford another hospitalization bill i cant afford therapy let alone medication and dont even know who my insurance provider is my depression has gotten exponentially worse in the past few days and i cant sate it i have no redeeming qualities whatsoever no friends no social skills no intelligence no kindness no selfcontrol no ability to learn no skills talents or hobbies nothing nobody will ever really love me or care about me i posted to twice and nobody seems to care i will just forever be a burden and an annoyance to thosei amaround there is literally no good reason for me to stay alive the objective best course of action for me is to kill myselfedit with regards to hospitalizationi amalso terrified itll be on a permanent record and make me unable to get a job or give me a permanent x5 multiplier to my insurance costs,1
i feel likei ambeing pushed i feel like everyone around me is daring me to commit i live in a care home with 3 other kids they are constantly loud and annoying i have a massive physiological problem with sound and when i tell the staff they rub it in more then make more sound themselves they knowi amdepressed and still take me as a joke my mental state is getting worse i am hallucinating and cutting myself the kids at my care home keep me up all night and stop me from sleeping they know what they are doing everyone i talk to finds a way to rub it in more i have turned to drugs and any way to get high i am getting closer to suicide every day,1
i fantasize all the time about how people would react if i went through with it would they be sad probably would they be angry at me for being selfish maybe will they pretend to care for a few days then go back to their normal lives never thinking of me again yeah,1
i want to kill myself _ ,1
how come i wanna kill myself not because of depression or anything first of alli am an athiest i just really wanna see the other side if there is an other side well i can admit thati ama bit depressed theres not a day that i think of doing it its just that to me life on the other side is alot better than this shit i dont wanna do it myself i just want some freak accident that will result to my death ,1
friend with bpd is starting to give up she has borderline personality disorder so she is already suicidal almost all the time it seems different now shes not snapping back to her rational self her bf dumped her about a month ago and its destroying her ive been talking with her almost 247 so she wouldnt alone i think i have until saturday until she makes an attempt on her lifei am trying to get a hold of her family worried they wont do anything thoughi am not sure what i should be doing and starting to panic ,1
heavily contemplating suicide soi am18 and have attempted suicide twice before but lately ive really been wanting to end it more then before i cant find a girlfriend and have been single for 6 months on top of that i have a few pretty crap mental disorders like borderline personality disorder and bipolar depression and i dont want to live like this i just want to end my pathetic life and start over seeing as i cant find a matei amuseless as a human and deserve nothing more then death ,1
hey i have been thinking about suicide for the past few days hi my story is rather simple i am 24 years old and have always been unlucky and failure i have also been used as a laughing stock many times in my group of friends that is the purpose i have served i am not sure that i want to continue is this is all that life has to offer me few months ago i went to travel with my friends not a big trip just a one day trip and i kept being subject of all the jokes it felt like i was being harassed or bullied i feel like this is not meant to be happening now i mean we are in 20s we are not in 8th grade anymore but it happened and it felt terriblethis is one of the event but i have always been an outcast all my life always been laughed at i have embarassed myself people have ridiculed me it has been an embarrassing life i just feel like i cant do it anymorei love my parents and they have showered me with love all my life so i feel tornalso i have bipolar disorder have failed two colleges used to be an engineering major but now doing some easy arts courses in a shitty college just to get a degree i am about to graduate in like 89 months but my degree is embarrassing i have terrible score and i am not getting employed either after graduation and quite funnily i dont know whether i am even functional enough to workgood thing about my life is that i was born in a fairly wealthy family so i am not worried about poverty or anythingalso in few years i would be arranged married and i just hate the idea of it i mean what if i just completely hate the person what if the person hates me it is basically marrying a stranger and the people i have met in my current college i just cant get along with them at all what if she is one of such personalso i am supposed to not tell them about my i willness but it will eventually come out and sometimes people even want a divorce when they realize they have been lied to in arranged marriages it is the number one reason for divorce in india i read in an article but on the other hand if i tell them that i have mental i willness they will interpret it as me saying i am crazy i am lunatic and they will cancel it and not give me a chance so i would feel like i am duping someone into somethingit is just a terrible feeling of not experiencing and exploring what love is but just marrying a stranger it will just be something that happens in tvi spend like 78 hours easily on the internet feeling guilty about it feeling like i am just wasting my life have not been able to study since 21 days just not been able to motivate myself to sit and open a book and study have tried but just not been able to do itnow i dont know if i want to continue living this life of hermit no friends no love no work terrible education mental i willness,1
i guessi am not on the brink but everything seems pointlessi amhaving trouble finding happiness in anything everything i do feels like its for the benefit of other people the only time i feel likei am doing something for me is when i play videogames and even then that feels unfulfilling at timesi eat healthy excercise dress well etc to impress girls not because i actually i enjoy excercising or vegetables or anythingi go through the motions and college and maintain a 30 gpa just to keep my parents off my back not becausei ampassionate about my majori dont really have the money to make any drastic changesi used to think finding love happiness but i amfeeling pretty deterred from putting in any effort into finding love since ive been shot down so many times before already on top of thati amfairly sure the world is ending or at least i dont see things improving any time soon,1
dont see a reason to keep going my boss is cutting my paychecks but i cant call her out because i work for my college my abusive mother keeps tightening her grip on me i havent had any real friends since elementary school the rest would be ok if it werent my mother deaths the only way i can really escape her ive been suicidal for as long as i can remember i just dont see the point in trying ive tried so hard for so many years,1
school and home make me want to end my lifei ama 14 year old high functioning autistic with severe adhd and nos anxiety and sensory processing disorder and i live in a backwoods bumfuck nowhere town with about a 1000 population and 1 school system and a abusive mother who refuses to homeschool me and tries to turn things around and sayi am an abusive person she hits me and calls me things like worthless piece of shit never going to amount to anything human trash scum ect i get bullied at school by the teachers and kids alike and literally everybody hates me at that school because theyre all cousinfucking hicks and i amweird i want to die if i miss school i have to worry about my mom coming home and screaming and calling me names and drinking and hitting me when i go to school i have no peace i have to hide in my room with a school chromebook that i unblocked this is very physically straining please help i want to just die and hang myself but i get too scared sometimes,1
i am exhausted its been exactly five years since i ended up in a psych ward ten years since i started self harm i am so tired of everything the pain the expectations hurting others being a burdeni ama newlywed and i already fucked up i am a broken failure i keep trying things that could fix me and i end up deeperthis is my cycle my five year breakdown whats going to happen this time will i even survive,1
life is not what i imagined i want to quit i had an imagination of life and what it will be when i will graduate it is not that it is a nasty place full of rules i tried to make myself accept the reality and compromise and keep going well i dont want to anymore i want to quit i want to lose all my senses i want to die a peaceful death instead of a fucking road accident that is the ultimate goal left ,1
it seems i have two options ive lost all and any motivation to continue my studies at college 4th year biochem major it might seem i am close to graduation but my final year requires extremely intense labs and also a research project approved by the department this project was suppose to start last year ive done nothing right nowi amcontemplating dropping out or commuting suicide theres nothing more i want than to end my existence everyday i fantasize about ending my misery thinking of ways to kill myself how it would affect my family these things put me to sleep at night the best thing ive learned all year is that if i die my federal student loans are forgiven ive tried couesnling twice and each time only amplified my depression but now ive lost my health insurance and the counselors on campus have a month waiting list by then i will be failing each and every class obviously killing myself would destroy my family but what do they want for me continue my life as a college dropout with a mountain of debt working a minimum wage job id surely end my life then so why the wait,1
seriously contemplating suicide not sure if its a case of having second thought thats making me write this but i am seriously concidering ending my life and i dont meani amplanning it but rather just doing it i have a 300ml bottle of liquid morphine next to me along with a full box of slow release morphine i damaged my spine 4 yrs ago and have been in unbearable pain since i also had to undergo major spinal surgery back in feb but since having the op my pain had trippled and i can no longer bare the pain i have been on morphine for the last 3 yrs soi amnow morphie dependant one of the side affects of which is complete lack of sex drive so that part of the marrage is non existant not to mention that when you try to come off the morphone the withdrawal is hell all this has put major strain on my marrage to the extent that my wife doesnt want to be with me anymore and i dont blame her the only thing that is making me hesitate is my 6 yr old twin boys i dont want them to be upset but i am seriously questioning as to weather or not that is a good enough reason to keep me here i spend 99 of the day in my bedroom as i can only be in a seated position for so long because of the pain naturally my wife is down stairs most of the time soi amalone upstairs i have tried to talk to my wife and although she knows it isnt my fault regaurding the spinal injury i can see in her eyes that this is not the life that she wants i really just want it to be over and done with at least wheni amdead there will be no more pain and my wife can start to love her life,1
i am dissapointment soi failedhemlet me explain memy daughter and my wife were walking casuallywe went throught small street with no lightsand then guy appeared with a knifehe was threatening themand said if we dont give all we havewe will lose livesi started talkingbut he did not liseni attacked himas i attaked him he dropper his knifeand it went into my legi startec punching him grabbed knife and attacked him in his stomachhe fell downthen we called policeand hospitalhe is alivebut injuerand i did not get arreseted as it counts as self defencenowmy daughteri always told her about mercy and how you cant do anything with fighting and stuffshe nows have way diffrent view of meshe calls me murderkillertrash and moreim going insane by itshe is 14 years old and she dosent understand that if i did not do thatshe might have been injured or worsemy wife took it easy tho,1
i am so frustrated i hanged myself 6 and half weeks ago i barely survived i have a scar on my neck from the 12 inch manilla that cut into my neck yet all i can think of right now is blowing my head off i am on 20mg lexapro 10mg zyprexa and 100mg lamotrigine i spent all of yesterday cutting into my chest because the pain makes not see the hallucinations i get every hour of every day i just want to live a normal life,1
amgiving my life one last chance hello reddit i finally decided to find some helpin the next few days i wanna go visit a psychiatrist and i was wondering if i should tell her everything that i failed a suicide attempt last week and that i still have suicidal thoughts or just thati amdepressed and socially awkwardwhat will she do can she inform anybody or shes just going to talk about it with me and prescribe me some medication ,1
usa my friend has been on the edge for months advice please by my friend i mean my internet friendi cant help becausei amfrom the netherlands and any familiarity with the legal psychiatry etc systems here i do not have for americalets call him r r has been in college for a while switched majors around to the disappointment of his parents in an attempt to be good at something to find the right thing something hes good enough at to graduate in it and get away from his parents however hes really really depressed he keeps talking about taking his own life and trying to take actual steps toward itive been there but like i had parents that loved me and cared about me even tho they didnt have sympathy for my depression i had no friends but people around me liked me enough to try and intervene i never actually wanted to die i just wanted to stop living this lifebut in rs case when he told his parents he wanted to die they said keep me out of it not my problem they threaten to stop paying for college if he tries to lower the burden by taking one less class theyre also threatening to take away his cat the only thing he finds comfort inso shitty parents a ridiculous amount of stress no foreseeable graduation no foreseeable independence what other option is there for me but suicideand the worst part is i dont know i think id want to kill myself too if that were me but i care about him so much and i dont want him to die but i dont know what to dois there any place in the us where kids with heavy depression can take a breather,1
heyi am not really sure what to say i dont want to live but i cant die becausei am too cowardly to comit and i dont want anyone in my family to feel responsible in any way,1
just let me die it s all gone i just want to go home,1
i dont want depressed anymorei amselfstudying english myself using online source i kept finding out how shit the education is in my countrymy country is shit poor and every time that i found it out it was a depression should i keep studying is it a road to suicideshould i die straight away sincei ama person who wasted 23 years on this shit countryi ama loseri ama inferior race guyhuhah i need a girl or girlfriend to rely on her can someone be my girlfriend plzi amdepressing,1
failing school rest of my family and friends doing really well getting depressed and insulted by teachers when i started school my parents were divorcing so doing work felt impossible for me now i cant get out of that state my grades are barely scraping by my siblingsfriends are all getting as and even bs in their worst subjects whenever i try to answer a question one of my teachers just starts screaming at me suicide has been on and off sometimesi amfeeling normal then as soon as something goes wrong it just gets worse and worse now is one of the worst times the the point i feel a need to ask for help,1
found someone in rdepression that might need some assistance link in text ,1
does anyone else find comfort in writing suicide noteslettersetc when i am in an extreme state of vehement sadness i enjoy writing documents surrounding a potential suicide if such a time is ever to come other than music this has been the only thing that has allowed me to cope in an efficient manner,1
i will never be normal so whats the point i have autism so i genuinely cant process things like you normal people so honestly whats the point in living,1
i cant try anymore i think about ending my life and i dont even get sad anymore i feel nothing all the pills i take doesnt even touch how empty i feel what else can i take to fill me up all i do is throw myself into so much work i burn myself out rinse repeat i just dont care for myself anymore i dont enjoy living i dont enjoy nature i dont enjoy reading and when i do read it takes me months to finish a book i just dont care anymore i honestly feel i am better off dead the fight ive been fighting is so hard and it has no real end not really i will never be as happy as i was before it all happened that in itself is a death that i mourn for everyday i keep him in a box of letters and photographs and birthday cards and a pregnancy test and i hide him away under my bed i even kept a shopping list because i liked the way he included the particular brand of soap i liked i cant look at them but i can feel it pressing into my spine into my dreams when i lay down at night they itch to be poured over to be held close or torn up but i cant do it i just lay there i dont know why i keep these things anymore i dont know why i breathe at all,1
this afternoon after worki amdriving up to some cliffs and jumping off the stress is way too much and i cant live with the shame of not being able to handle it whilst most other people canthis stress of life just has an overwhelming effect on me and not only am i shockingly depressed all the time but it really impacts my cognitive functions which causes me to not be able to function well at work or in social situationsi cant keep living like this seeing the world pass me by its just painful especially knowing that i used to be well and now can no longer live the life i planned to have,1
why cant you accept that some people want to die that theyre not interested in life and the it gets better and you have so much to live for dont workwhy cant you accept that theyve chosen suicidewhy does it matter to youyou dont truly caredont lie to mefuck youyou cant keep me herejust accept that some people have made their decision and let us dieyou lying fucks,1
too weak to live or die like with most thingsi amjust skating by that would be a cool song lyric right i used to want to write music until i found out thati amabsolute shit at anything i doi am not expecting any replies just want to get this out because i cant really tell anyone else i feel likei ama burden to everyone in my life with my sheer mediocrity and my host of emotional problems i knowi amneeded but that doesnt meani amwanted if i ever was wanted it was as a stress reliever a warm mouth and tight grip that had enough self hatred to do things their girlfriends didnt i willingly let myself be used and wonder why no one sticks around ive fucked up so much in my life and i amat a point where my fuck ups will impact not only me but those who depend on me i could fuck up one last time and be done with it theyd heal and move on thats what functional people do or so i assume i wont do anything about this unending hopelessness i feel because i dont have the stomach but everyday i hope something takes me off this planet gotta be a drunk driver or a stray bullet in my sketchy neighborhood with my numberi amafraid to die of course but i amafraid that this will be me until the end of my days existing hurts and when things are good it hurts even more when things come crashing back downi amexhausted ,1
most suicidal day of my lifei ama dramatic and angry person i will never know whyi amhere and how to make the best of it but i can see so many other people doing such a great job my only issue is i like to do something perfectly or throw it away that feeling extend to everything as soon as i fail or someone makes me realise i have an ugly sidei want to throw myself away easier said than done but the feeling never really fully fades this frustration at all of the things i cant take back or fix and have to live with for the rest of my life i will never claim perfection and i know thats impossible but other people seem to do pretty well id like to meet their standards at least most of the time i can not care but some days it all just piles on getting help hasnt worked taking time out just distracts briefly and is a cover up this is me forever thats a hard thing to take i know its hard to understand but thats who i am its who ive always been i cant fix thisi ambroken permenantly i dont know what to do counselling didnt work nothing works i spent the whole day crying over a mistake i stayed in bed i didnt want to face the people in my house so i didnt eat dinner am i being too dramatic maybe i just dont want to do life right now i know itll go away but in that time i wanted to die so badly i wish i could do it ,1
i cant get it out of my head i dont feel like i definitely want to die but i amgetting a bit too close for comfort i think ive made a pro and con list six pros for one conb ive been googling different ways to do ithow painful they aretheir success ratehow easy they are to achieve i just feel like itd be just easy and peaceful and i wouldnt have to think about this anymore but i know this feeling comes and goes in stages a little while of this and a little while of feeling normalbut the little whiles of this are stretching out longer and longer and i amlying to everyone and when i try to be honest its about how they feel or noone can handle it or i should just take pills and get over it i dont really want to die i dont think but i just want to stop thinking this way,1
i am alone always will be i thinki amgonna go check out now i have never been with anyone and i know now that i never will i am more repulsivephysically than i realized i have nothing to offer anyone other than laughs and compassion but apparently that isnt good enough soi amdone hopefully theres something on the other side,1
i wanted to take my life when my parents were asleep 3 days ago i was sobbing in bed at 1127 pm the thought of taking my own life was so strong it still rattles my bones i dont know what triggered me to think so only knew how shitty i felti amscared the thought might come back again and unsure whether i can handle it welli amscared i wont have enough willpower to fight against it i dont know what to do and i amafraid to bring this up with anyone especially to my parents naturally being the coward i am turn to reddit to vent out my feelings ,1
i put a rope around my neck today not a suicide attempt but its probably the way id chose to go i wanted to know how it feels so i put it around my neck and pulled it enough to cut off some air for a bit it almost felt good am i playing with fire too much,1
16 and without hopei ama 16 year old girl whos life is going down the toileti amnever good enough for my parents and now that my grades are going down they will be even more disappointed in me i was sexually assaulted last week which was traumatic and nothing has happened with the cops i struggle with depression and self harm and i recently relapsed i just want to die there are train tracks near my house and i think thats whati amgonna do hopefully i go to heaven ,1
ive spent the last 6 years living a lie and i just want to end it all hey my name is beau and ive never posted on here before but i dont think i can keep all my pain i anymore i feel like i should start much earlier than 6 years ago so here i gowhen i was 3 years old i was diagnosed with a brain tumour i spent 2 years in and out of hospital i didnt even know what was happening all i knew was that my parents were letting these scary people in white jackets take me away and put me to sleep i would scream and scream at my parents while the doctors dragged me away i think this is where i first felt that i couldnt trust people and that i was completely alone i got better after that and went to a nice school it seemed like everything was fine i made some great friends i still know very well today and i seemed to be adjusting well even though i joined school late then i turned 8 and everything fell apart again i got another brain tumour and this time i was older and wiser and so was more fearful than the time before i knew what was happening and i didnt want to die i wont go on about it again but obviously i survived but it left me with some complication my pituitary gland had been damaged by chemotherapy and so i couldnt go through pubity unless i had the help of synthesized growth hormones which i had to inject into my stomach every night for about 8 years they worked pretty well though i would never have grown an inch and id still be the height i was at 10 years old but i am59 which is fine with me there was one problem though i felt that my head was quite a bit out of proportion with the rest of my body because the growth hormones i was given were only experimental i was bullied a lot at school for looking weird and it hurt my confidence quite a bit but i never spoke to anyone about it then i went to college and got to re invent myself and it was great for about a year that then you realise you cant really change what you look like and even though everyone liked me i still got bullied by a few people but the thing that really bothered me was that none of the girls i liked wanted to go out with me well i know that obviously not everyone is going to fall head over heels for you but it actually feels a lot worse than being bullied because the people who are rejected you arent bad people theyre good people they dont bully you for how you look but they understand the bullying and thus dont find you attractive for the same reasons the bullies bully younow lets get to the title ive spent the last 6 years living with a girl that ive been in love with for about 5 of those years weve had an incredibly strange relationship we were never going out we never had sex we never kissed its wasnt romantic for her but we did spend all day sometimes lying in bed hugging and kissing each other anywhere but the lips i was extremely confused because i told her i liked her but she said she didnt want to ruin our friendship weve spent almodt every day together for the last 6 yearsi am not a person anymore ive lost my identity fast forward to now shes decided she doesnt want to live with me anymore so she can go out with another guy one that she wants to be with hes taller stronger and hotter than me you can read the jealousy in my writing but she is my world and weve been together for so long that to me she was my other half nowi amalonei amhaving to move back to my parent and i actually just want to kill myself the saddest thing is she doesnt even seem to miss me which lowers my self esteem two fold i think the main reasoni amsad and she isnt is that i know that the time i spent with her even though she didnt love and never wanted to be intimate with me was still the best i could ever expect for myself i will be alone now for the rest of my life but she is beautiful and so will be fine she find the things i gave her and more from her new boyfriend i dont know what to do should i just kill myself if the best time of my life is over now i need some advice from people who wont sugar coat it,1
i cant keep doing thisi amjust so beyond done with life like i dont want to continue living at all nothing makes me happy and i mean not a single damn thing ive gained a bunch of weight i have no friends no skills or hobbies like life is just meaning less to mei dont want to work at all i also dont want to get money from the government all i want is death at this point i dont want a future i dont want a happy life i just want death its all i can think about and ive been trying to kill myself these past couple days but obviously i cant even do thatim just so tired of living like why cant i choose to end my life i never asked to be born i never asked for this life and nowi amsupposed to be forced to survive just because maybe possibly in the future it could get a little bit better no fuck that i cant live like this much longer i just cant _ _ for the love of god plz i want to die,1
amjust so done hey guysi am15 i have been depressedfor almost three months now and i am just so donei amexhausted i physically achei am tired and i need a reason to keep doing this because i really really want to die its all i want to do everydayi am so exhausted i dont want to fight it anymore i need a reason to livei am so discouragededi am going through self harming withdrawals i hurti am tired i tried to kill myself ny overdose on sunday i wish i had please someone give me advicei am really lost,1
am not depressed persayi am not really depressed i have had much worse times in my life i was an unemployed homeless person for a while i have a car and a job and friends who like me i just recently got a promotion to be the lead of my department retail i am a 29 year old single gay male who probably is a bit too promiscuous i have a roommate who cares about me and we get along greatbut even given all that there are days like today wherei am tired i dont want to go to work or talk to anyone i dont want someone to make me feel better because i dont feel sad i dont feel anythingi am tired and i want it to be overi am tired of being the one who has to tell people that there are reasons to care that you are still alive talked 3 of my friends down from suicide in the last couple months i dont want to have to deal with being alive anymore i find myself trying to figure out a way to kill myself and it freaks me out that i have come this far but then 5 minutes later i am back to planning my own death while writing this i have gone back and forth between planning this as my note to my friends and family and being freaked out that there is nothing wrong so why do i want to kill myself i cant decide ifi am going to try to kill myself or go to sleep i hope i can fall asleep before i try something,1
laying here just ready to pass out ive got an urgent dental appointment tomorrow work is trying to get back into full swing difficult challenging things to take care of in order to even exist ive got quizzes and reports for school havent kept up with anything i should withdrawi dont care about any of it though i dont hate it except for maybe schooli just hate being alive i hate thinking i hope i pass out soon,1
i really have tried i just dont have the energy or hope anymore i grew up for eight years with a mother who has bpd for those of you who dont know what that is it is a incredibly abusive and toxic personality disorder my father allowed this for years until she attempted suicide underneath my bed on one thanksgiving and was removed from my homefollowing this i grew up with maids and nannys because my father was often at work one of them was abusive towards me for serval years but never left marks on my body my father never believed me so when cps came over as they did multiple times nothing was ever donei was sent to a boarding school for two years when i was a teenager by my ex stepmother whom my father married after knowing her for a week on eharmony really fucked up place one of the staff members that managed me actually gave birth to a child under her dorm room deck and left it there to die google jesscia bradford jya no one noticed until it started it stinkas an adult it look me awhile to get used to being a person again if that makes sense i took some lsd went to some amazing music festivals i stopped drawing as often and became an aerialist it was extremely cathartic doing it professionally across the country helped me see and experience a lotstarting last year i cried about it a bit then got over myself and became a stripper gigs alone were good money but werent enough to keep me moving forward in life while in a stable place also my father had quit working at that point because of his depression my family was living off of food donations at home i knew i needed to do something for my future that was fast money the job itself can be pretty depressing sometimes hilarious but overall excellent money i worked hard for a year i bought a car payed off all previous medical debts furnished my apartmentthings were finally starting to look up for me i was finally starting to get stable and then start saving to go back to college then i found out my family had lost health coverage because my father quit paying the bill six months ago i was once again swamped with medical debts that were not my fault also may i add i found this out after i had loaned him money for his car payments that month he knew what my job was this timei injured myself while training last month i have no health insurance to get treatment i cannot walk around to go make money to afford the treatment or get another job i have 1000 saved and that will only get me an mri my county indigent will not take me i make too much per month i cannot find a sliding scale clinic in my county who does orthopedicsi am 24 years old now i have tried and fucking tried my best i thinki amready to go i just got my dl two years ago i have nine credit hours in college and my father spent my inheritancei am tired of men touching me who dont give a fuck about mei amtried of feeling alone with no one to turn to for helpi amsick of feeling trapped if i have to live in a country where people are so selfish for resources that we dont even have tax paid universities and tax paid doctors i dont think i want to exist in it anymore if letting twenty different men a night suck my tits is the fastest and most efficent way to pay for these things rather than being stuck in debt for years with no place to live in the meantime its the kind of tired that sleep wont fix,1
i am in desperate need of help ive been suicidal for a few weeks now but the past couple days have been the most extreme i am very very close to commiting suicide and i want to tell someone anyone but there is a part of me that wants to do it that just stops me from telling anyone that has the capability of stopping me from doing it today has been a constant mental battle with myself trying to motivate myself to text someone about it but when i try to reach for my phone with one hand the other hand just pulls it away wanting me to not do it so i can kill myself my mental and emotional stability is depleting day by day,1
minirant i am tired of needing distractions from life i want a reason to look forward to life itself not distractions from life i totally get why and i amactually in the same situation but i would also like to say that sometimes you need to distract yourself for long enough until youre in a positive enough place to look forward to life,1
feeling alone i asked one of my closest friends i thought we were close if i should go to school tomorrow she said dont even bother youre too lazy to even get off of bedsorry maam its called depression ever heard of it,1
i know wheni am going to do iti am going to stab myself while taking in the beautiful view from a park near where i live i will start the day off by breaking up with my shit boyfriend then i will tell my ex i cheated on her i feed myself with my favourite foods i will make sure the day before i talked to and said goodbye to all my friends i will do what i want i will go where i want i will tell the person ive liked for years that i like them then i will go to the park i will sit down in one of the boardwalks its empty at night and impale myself i will get high as fuck before i do it so pain isnt a problem i will let myself bleed out i will throw the knife in the water this is how i want to die 1010071111,1
my confession at the beginning of my seventh semester already riddled with the feeling of guilt for having my parents spend much money on my education i took it upon myself to do whatever i can to recover it i refrained from going out with friends eating out and i never went on trips with them i started working online earned enough to sustain myself and save a little for the future an opportunity to save more arose when a internship opened up at a company upon consulting with my seniors i learnt it was no good a company to work for even so i joined for the monetary benefits that it provided i would be paid a stipend and also the dormitory fees for the final semester would be returned little did i know what i was signing up toon my first day of joining i immediately regretted my decision the place was far off and the people even more so i travelled in public transport many a time standing most of the journey which took more than an hour and a half each way with what little money i had left after all that was spent on travel i bought gifts for my family with all this travelling came the physical strain and a chronic back ache i put up with all this for more than five months hoping that if i could make it six months that would suffice and i would then work on getting abroad little did i know that the hard part was yet to comelittle did i know that my very own parents for whom i sacrificed so much would make me feel pain more than i even experienced before i always thought i could take pain i was right i could there are two types of pain the physical and the mental no one realises that the latter is much worse i have sacrificed so much for them and now when i need them the most they turn on me treat me like a criminal for i am not working not brining income not putting money on the table i have taken time out to write gre ielts gate and to learn german language i know there isnt enough time yet i am misunderstood and taunted and harassed for not working for not making money i have no place at what i used to call my home i am criticized for where i sit and for using my laptop and the wires that surround it i am criticized for the way i sleep a man needs two things in life to know he does not belong there the lack of a place to live and the lack of respect i have neither here i have contemplated ceasing to exist but decided against it for the people that know me and for my dreammy own mother who i have come to despise for her constant taunting and chiding and her narcissistic nature has no love for me her anger issues and irritable nature has changed me deepy and fundamentally i have come to realise they value money more than anything else for the past few months depression has been lurking above my head like a dark cloud and now i feel it has finally taken me over i feel numb devoid of all love and feeling i have come to a point where i am beginning to wonder why should i go on,1
my ocd is making me want to die existing is so exhausting everything needs to be done over and over and over again stand up go and wash my hands pet the dog wash my hands before i put on clothes i have to shake them and make sure they are clean i dont get to just do anything everything has to have a procedure before it i just want to be normali am tired of worrying about everythingi am tired of everything hurting i just want it to stop,1
whats happening worst month dont think my pills can take it on 15mg lexapro plus mirtazapine this week i got failed from 3rd year of engineering got broken up with after 2 and a half years and now i possibly probably from first scan have a brain tumor i want to drink myself to death,1
no hope there is no hope left for me i have a poisoned i will mind inside of a weak frail body the words the people i love say to me hurt so much because they are right i am selfish weak pathetic worthless and lets not forget sad i just dont see the point anymore and the only thing keeping me from suicide is the fear of death,1
find myself thinking of killing myself a lot more than usual lately not sure what it is in particular work is really rough told my boss i couldnt do it anymore hell try moving me somewhere else i sold the car i liked for a broken car that i dont that hurts a lot but it happened a bit ago now ive lost my faith and trust in my parents they send me down the wrong path i will probably disown them in the near future i also need to move out soon said parents are getting divorcedstill the car bit and the parent lack of faith bit happened weeks ago now my brothers wedding is coming up and i am trying on a suit and all i can think about is you should kill yourself rather than huh this fits wellnot well over and over kill yourself gets in the way its so persistenti guess ive started feeling dead inside the past few days weeks justtired all the time i dont care about anything but i dont even need to feel better i want to be able to put on a strong face for my little bro and be happy for him and with him on his big day it can all end after that for all i care my brother can still be happy,1
have always fantasized about suicide but nowi amfeeling it more than ever i was friends with this boy and i developed feelings for him it wasnt a long friendship but it was a close and an intimate one he ended it tonight after i called him out for leading him on saying that i crossed some boundaries that he had and abused his trust i feel so broken i feel likei ama horrible person and incredibly difficult to develop an intimate friendship withmaybe because i crave them so bad i started fantasizing about taking handfuls of pills today and killing myself it wouldnt be my first attempt this friend himself was suicidal and our discussion about our shared experiences was something that brought us closer now all i want to do is make him feel the same way that he wanted his ex to feel when he tried to kill himself i want some sort of poweri had a friend come over and help me out a little but i still feel so horrible this always happens to mei get close to someone get vulnerable and get badly hurt why should i even try to be close to people some friends say its a beautiful thing but does it matter if its beautiful if it keeps causing me pain i just miss this guy so much i dont have many close friends and i feel so lonely i told him i was feeling unsafe and that he needed to call me and stay on the phone with me until my friend came he said he felt terrified and manipulated i apologized and backed off and luckily my friend showed up i cant believe i tried to use my own suicide to get him to talk to meit just makes me feel likei ameven more of a bad personi can see why he hates me he saysi ama good person but he hates me no one will like me let alone love me no one stays after my parents die i should probably just die with them their sadness is one of the only things that keeps me going right now ,1
my existence is abhorrent to her things ended a little rough 2 months ago the only thing ive heard from her since is stop on repeat soon i assume shes going to inform the authorities asi ambasically harassing her at this point she already threatened to do that when i went to her placeive tried everything i can i kept up my health to a tee for the first month i saw and slept with other girls to try to tell myself i was over it but i literally just cried in their arms instead and then i felt so much worse afteri tried taking to a behavioral therapisti tried spending time with friendsi tried spending time alonei tried meditationi tried drugs and that only made me worseim not willing to try medication id rather be deadim lucky enough to have access to firearms but i still cant pull the trigger the suicide by cop method seems pretty good because then i cant turn back i could get her to make the call if i went there the police would come guns already drawnim disgusted with myself ive realized that my existence is solely made up of my ego which has been inflated with fakeness my whole sense of self self esteem and confidence are built on a fake foundationi just want the strength to go through with it if i went to her place and she called the copsi amsure i could get one of them to do it for meshe told me i want to keep my options open there are a lot of things you do that i could still find different and better from others i want to discover more i want to meet others too i dont want to be frusterated at your character more i dont want to hold myself down i am not in a clear place i need to clear my head and heart i dont think i love you right nowi am frusterated and confused at what to doim obviously disposable anyways and that fact will never ever change i just wish i had the strengthmy parents have instilled so much guilt in me that its holding me back i wish i could forget about it and pull the triggeror if i tell her my intentions she would probably make the call theyd find me one way or another and same would happenim so fucking tired of this every single day it takes me hours to get out of bed and hours to fall asleep i cant do this shit anymorei would lay down my life for her but my existence is repugnant to her nowi amfuckin worthlessi keep wishing i could flip my car or i wish this plane would just fall out of the skyi never really understood why my friends did this in the past but now i completely understand i just wish i had the balls they did and people get over it anyways eventually they forget and no one ever talks about it,1
the final straw hi whoever is readingi am15 here and giving up the sad thing is its hard to explain i think people thinki amcrazy and a little off but ive been so disconnected and at this point i just need to free me from me i cant even look people in the eyes and have so much anxiety in public no matter where i go i am going to feel likei ambeing watched and its an insane feeling like ive just been exposed kind of feeling people thinki amweird and unusual but i dont want to be feared because i would never cause harm to anyone everi ambreaking down crying nearly everyday and dont feel comforted space there is always going to be space between me and who i come in contact with because at the end of the dayi ameternally lonely and have realized that its my responsibility to carry the weight of my conscious which is so heavy right now i dont remember the last time i was hugged or talked to someone i feel very weak and incompetenti am so lonely but scared to kill myself because i want it to be painless please get help if you feel this way may you be freed from the entities taking over your soul i dont know what this is i am so depersonalized ,1
i am going to kill myself or at least attempt i have 2330 mg of fluoxetine which i am going to overdoes on wish me luck,1
i just cant take this misery anymore i feel so in deep shit and pain i feel like worst than this is impossible i feel like doing something that isnt right well my problems started when i accepted to start a life in a different country with my uncle well my uncle kicked me out of his apartment so i found a place in the worst dorm you could imagine i have a chamber that is smaller than the average bathroom with the pieces of the roof falling on my head with public toilets that the animals i live with dont even flush after they shit and a lot of things that bother me but would be a waste to write them my health is fucked i did 2 surgeries and i still have the health problem i have terrible back pain that makes my life miserable i have hives and still battle acne my throat aches like hell from snoring and i am still battling depression my family treats my like shit and my uncle abuses me verbally and emotionally because of his frustrations plus my parents are divorced all that i have are my friends that are all far away from me they live in other eu states i have to pass an exam in a language that i dont really understand and regarding my dating life it is a fucking mess even though i am not needy or i dont show my problems i see all those girls somethimes looking at me in the eyes and i feel that i will never be with them it is horrible i know everything could be worse and i should be positive but fuck this shit i am contemplating suicide,1
means and will need an opinion want to listen i deserve it need an objective opinion,1
this is what human weakness looks like depression has been eating me alive for over 20 years everything was great until highschool and i dont really know what happened ive been going through the motions for a while have a home paid off wife and kids but even still it seems likei amonly still here for everyone but myself if life were an amusement park ride it needed maintenance when it was my turn not looking for sympathy not looking for encouragement i simply need to know if anyone has any ideas to start enjoying things again as of now i wake up go to work watch my kids speak to my wife use the computer go to bed i sleep most of the weekend away or piddle with some pointless task i didnt start drinking until i was in my 30s and now thats pretty much the only solace that remainsi think about suicide about 10 times a day when i first wake up to go to work when i bring my kids to daycare when i sit down at my desk when i look at the clock and it isnt moving when i think about my life and my legacy pretty much anything real or lastingive failed at everything i set out to do in life and pretty much have just been going with the flow since my dream was to be a computer game designer whilei am not stupid or incapable of learning i simply lack any semblance of organization or follow through used to tell myself that it was probably for the best and id be going down a new and exciting path i never meant to take but its not the casei held out hope for years as the most cliched piece of support i typically receive advises now the old body is starting to fall apart and my ticker is giving outi amout of hope and i really dont like the idea of a slow descent into medical debt undoing everything i worked so hard for my whole life by buying a few extra years seems for lack of a better word insaneim still very concerned for my families well being so i am considering a very painful accidental death in the near future the policy has been active some time and hopefully ive been nondescript enough i guessi amonly here for one reason not to ive pretty much checked out mentally so any arguement for the kids is moot ive written them extensive almost book length messages they will receive upon my death and i feel it adequately sums up who i was and what i think they need to knowthe only time i can speak like this is behind the mask of a vpn while browsing private not a soul other than my wife knows about my depression and shes not strong enough to lean on anymore i dont have family or friends and my coworkers arent exactly the best people to talk to wheni amon the edgethanks for taking the time to read and hopefully you never find yourself going down the same path if youre wondering yes i have thought about how this will affect my children i will kindly refer you to what i said earlier about living only for others its gotten to the pointi amvery tired of it id like at least one act in this life to be what i want by my own hand,1
am not beginning to see the light 27mthisgodlessrockhello friends first time op long time lurker my apologies for the rules i inevitably breaki am not good with first timesbeginning of this summer i made a decision to try to better myself i started showing up to my cubicle on time set up my old weight bench in my solo apartment converted to a strict caloriedeficit diet started jogging on the reg put away the credit cards its not going well ive put in the work consistently for months now to no show of improvement my body has lost muscle and i amback to my ghoulish highschool ectomorphic self with a spare tractor tire instead of my old car tirei amfurther in debt from making bad decisions under exhaustion i see myself in the windows on my jogs and i just want to break down over how ugly i am the cheap mirrors in my apartment haunt me every time i walk by them and the voices in my head have become demonic and crueli am so alone but i really cannot afford a pet nor would i want to subject an animal to my demeanorundisturbed i sleep 1416 hours a night my doctor says its the depression my psychiatrist fifth one now is more cynical than i am he tells me the pharmaceutical industry is a corrupt wash these days and pulls a new antidepressant out of the hat for me to tryi amcurrently experiencing endless headaches and brain zaps trying to switch off of effexori amon viibryd now i just tell myself it helps its a pretty blue color which is niceive started asking girls out againi ama straight male with nothing to lose and ive been curved and friendzoned more times than i can count in high schoolcollege i was the goto sucker for homework help and now at worki amthe goto sucker for work problems the only relationship ive had was with a girl who was abusive physically and mentally for two years and regularly cried over how uglyworthless i was until i ended things my parents divorced and both fell out of their careers ie gave up on life when i was young so i have no support systems ive tried to rekindle friendships with my old friends who moved away and the new people i meet but most have literally told me to fuck off ive never left the northeast us maybe being rude is a regional thing i post on social media in desperate attempts for attention despite never getting likes and cringing over iti ama jets fan a mets fan a democrat but not a masochist its a bad combination the only thing keeping me going is that the physical pain of exercise is nothing compared to the mental anguish of depressionthe old ways i used to distract myself dont work anymore i basically just smoke pot til i dont know what caring is and play the same music over and over recently though i turned the music off and i dont think its coming back onive never left the east coasti am in an incessant amount of debt so i cant really relocate but i amthinking of taking out the credit cards one last time to make it to a nice west coast beach where i can decide how to end it once and for alli dont want to be here anymore it hurts constantly and i amexhausted my brain keeps showing me lights at the end of the tunnel but when i get close theyre just stars from near blackout and the tunnel is dark againwhat do i do,1
idk help i guess can someone talk to me or watch with me tonight or just accompany me tonight ummi amcurrently thinking of overdosing pills but i heard from a friend thats a bad idea since it would just lead to me not dying and having my stomach pumped and nowi amthinking of jumping off our balconyi am9 floors up sorta scared that it will fail though and i dont want it to fail i just wanna disappear its more like i wanna run away from all my responsibilities right now and i amstressed outi amgraduating in uni soon and i have thesis to write and med school entrance exams and i cannot fail but i am tiredi amjust so tired i dont like the situationi am in right now i just hurt my boyfriend and i am really regretting it but of course he wont talk to me idk this is my first time really considering to just drop dead i was thinking someone to talk to would help but at the same time i just cut off contact from everyone i know or at least care kinda i dont have a telephone to call hotline not like our country gives a shit much about mental health ,1
when do i get a fucking breaki amjust tired of this bullshit theres always going to be some crap i have to work my ass off for spend 14 years from junior kindegarden to gr 12 stuck in school because you have to work hard and go to universityspend 4 years in university work even harder so you can graduate and get a degreespend how much else longer interviewing all day long so you can land a jobspend all day at work come home and have just a few hours to myself fucking rinse and repeat i dont wanna live that kind of life its so fucking unfair i just wanna do what i wanna do not all of this fucking crapeveryone will say thati amborn lucky but i wanna know why i couldnt have just been born filthy rich enough money so that i could spend all day doing whatever the fuck i felt like not studying hard in university for a job where even if i work for 40 years i still will be poor ccompared to rich peopllethere are kids who are born today who once they get their inheritence will have more money than i will ever have maybe even mmy entire family has and they wouldnt have lifted a single muscle all i want to do is just fucking play league but i cant because of stupid ass school then i will have a stupid ass job coming home tired and sweaty as fuck cant even play in a shit mood probably i just want to leave this crap its a never ending cycle of bullshit and struggling fuck off,1
vote up if i done goofed i have failed to do anything with my life for the last fifteen years i have had three jobs two have lasted around a year and the third a few months i knew about bitcoin when one could buy multiple for a single dollar and i had no clue that it would be what it is today the idea of trying to find a job with my resumegaps dealing with asshole employers working for minimum wage working simply to live and basically being treated paid like a slavewithbenefits makes me want to end my useless life i enjoy helping others and i despise taking advantage of people i am not going to sell someone something they do not need i am not lazy when i work i work hard i was once offered a job while working because i was the only one consistently working when a contractor walked through several times throughout the day but i am dumb as i miss opportunities a lot i live in a constant state of i should have i have worked since i was a kid except the past 15 years which seemed to have flown by i am tired but thanks to my laziness when i am not working depression and using substances to cope i am soon to be at somethingi do not know why i am posting this or what i expect to come from it life is tough for those born losers,1
i hate me i want me dead but i am not a killer i wish i was,1
one day soon when my life is ripped away from me and back home i go over seas i will see the end my final senses used to breathe salty bad blood within me i will leave i will hear the waves of sound as i come crashing down from a plane once i came is how i will leave and like a leaf i will fall with nothing but the ground to catch me in my hand i will have it open a palm read and a destiny spoken in the other taped together a seal unbroken the release release and be it the ground i kiss or steel upon my lips i will find my peace one way or another i will fly i will fall i will die please god dont let me live again i should have never been given a second chance or a third i will fly like a birdi will scream like a crowi will die a coward i will be free from this birth ,1
i posted on here for help and received nothing but hateful comments and was stalked online i was stalked and messaged on a personal account i didnt release to anybody and received derogatory messages guess thats what i get for trying to get help if anything i feel closer to my goal now,1
a note i wrote down after too much to drink just a note i wrote down after i drank a little too much still drinking not planning on anything drastic just want to i dont know share get it out also i never post on reddit so i dont know how to format to get it prettyi was like this before my current jobi hate myselfi want to dienothing is worth living fori am in love with a certain girl for some reason even though i know she doesnt love me back pathetic why cant i get her off my mind when i see interact with her i am happy whyi am worthlessi am a cowardi wish i was brave enough to end it allim too scared to seek help because i was suicidal and depressed as a teenager and didnt disclose it in my medic interview for my current job theres nothing else that i can do with my lifei dont know what to do at work i just make stuff up as i go and hope its good enoughi try to find excuses to talk to the girl i like i drink later and contemplate suicide because i shouldnt be bothering her why does she make me feel happyi try communicating with people online 99 of people dont respond i find it next to impossible to hold a conversation with someone why is it so hardhow could anyone love me it seems impossible it isi just want to end it please,1
i think i should kill myself tonight ive been trying so hard for 8 years now to start feeling better and nothing is working the last remaining things that make me feel something are fading quickly i spend all day in the void theres no way out i cant carry on like this,1
i dont know guys i feel likei am not going to do anything about it today but what about tomorrow often i feel likei am doing okay and i amsurviving but then seemingly out of nowhere i get these for lack of a better word episodes in which i get absolutely crazy its like there are black tendrils clenching on my brain all the thoughts i thought had left cascade back into my present and then even my memory betrays me i feel fine now but i just dont know what will happen if i have another bad one,1
posted this on rdepression but i genuinely plotted out killing myself tonight i thinki am going to do iti amfucking done i cant go on anymorei ama fucking disappointment and i am too ignorant to do any of my fucking homework or anything that could inconvenience me in any way i feel bad for my fucking parents they seem to care for me so much and i amjust an asshole to them they support me in everything i do and i just yell at them and spend their money i lost all my friends at school none of them ever talk to me anymore i just bury myself in my room and play fucking video games and i just get so fucking bored sometimes but i just keep playing them because i know theres nothing else id rather be fucking doing all of a suddeni am really fucking socially awkward and cant get a fucking girlfriend or any new friends it seems i used to be fine talking to people and now i cant even hold a steady conversation with anyone i just dont know what to say after a really short period of time i dont know i could just be going through a really big mood swing but i genuinely feel like it would be better for me not to feel anything than to have to go to my stupid fucking school tomorrow and sit through my stupid fucking classes with teachers i hate and work that makes me want to burn the place to the groundmy thoughts on the it will get better are pretty narrow minded i feel like thats some automated message that people just say in order to add some sort of reassurance to posts like this because it will just get worse the more i alienate myself the less my friends will be inclined to hang out with me not to mention that my grades are dropping and i cant push myself to try in school so not only will nothing get better it will only get worse because i will be forced to work in some shitty fucking job that i hate getting paid less than adequate for living just because i was too lazy to fucking do my work like everyone else and theres nothing i will be able to do about it at that point,1
just dont know anymore maybe if i wasnt born with social anxiety maybe if i had more friends growing up maybe if i could get minimum wage job maybe if i had a car maybe if i could find one girlfriend maybe if i could be away from all the people and all the noise for as long as i needed maybe if i had just one of these things i wouldnt be thinking like this maybe it wont last much longer i just dont know anymore i have no more answers,1
30 and failed hello allim worriedi am going to kill myself 2 weeks ago i had a milestone birthday 3 weeks ago my fianc left me she left because i lied i was in debt and i concealed it for the entirety of our relationship out of feari ama fucking liar so ive reached this milestone age and i amnewly single i have nowhere to livei ambankrupti amfriendless i have nothing i get up in the morning i go to work i come home and i amalone i dont know what has compelled me to write this down maybe its an exercise in catharsis maybe the narcissist in me wants someone to care or maybe i just need to reconsiderive felt suicidal for years but this is the most real its felt and i feel afraid ,1
i have a gun and ammo but no balls i just wish i could do it i wish i could just pull the trigger and end it all but i am too damn scared i live every moment of my life in pain i donr want to be alive but still i cant do it,1
i turned 24 a few days ago and i already feel like a failure i feel like i am too late and feel like i have no chance to survive in life i feel like giving up everyday edit i know that everyone else has difficulties and maybe this kind of hardship feels too close to home to some but please try not to just post this is so like me becuase it is not helping at alla few days ago i turned 24 but i was not excited to celebrate my birthday in fact i was horrified and even embarassedthis started to happen when i was around age 2223 but i was already feeling like i was too late in life like i was too late to have my shot to be able to have a good future in my lifei know that everyone goes through tough situations in their lives and everyone makes mistakes and have to go through obstaclesbasically shit happens to everyone a lot and most of them come unexpectedbut i felt like this ever since i was a teenager even though the world is very vast and has lots of things going on with lots of things happeneing at once it is very impatient and wants things to be done there are so many things going on and to catch up with everything is a nightmare and the world is changing incredibly and it is a lot of pressure on the competitive nature of the capitalistic world we live ini really wished that i had a grip in my life much earlier but i was a kid before i was an idiot with no clear goal and well shit happened bullies abuse and so much more and in the end it scarred me and it scarred me for so many years that only now i wanted to take charge and actually do something about it but every day i keep blaming myself for allowing these things to happen to me that i allowed myself to be such a weakling and make myself into a shadow of my own self and be a pussy instead of actualyl grabbing my own nuts like other people do and keep going and move onbut i was pushed back in a way and i felt stuck for many yearsi did manage to eventually try to push myself to keep going back on track but half of my attention is always concerning that i started to get a grip on my own life too late so i feel that i am mostly battling against my own guilt and shame and embarassed that i am too late and should already just give up everyday i keep making comparisons with everyone and often see everyone better than me better grades better income better lives better possible futures more happiness more confidence and so much more i feel like i am stuck in both my past and my future afraid of both sides and afraid and confused on what to do stuck because i feel like i have a lot of baggage about my past self and looking deep into myself to look into my own shattered soul is a fucking nightmare and a job that will take forever and incredibly painfulon the other hand i am afraid of the future i keep making countless and countless possible calculations and preparations for the worst like what if this guy is better than me should i study harder what if i will not pass this test should i apply for a job alreadyits extremely infuriating and scary especially when you own soul feels broken and your mind against you and criticizing your every move its trying to push yourself while trying to fix yourself at the same time while trying to battle against countless waves of enemies like the demons of the entire hell are after youhonestly i am 24 and i am still at university doing my bachelor degree there are those days where i feel very embarrassed that i havent graduated yet while people younger than me already did and i know that i have made many mistakes in my life and the shame and the guilt is very strong and very deep everyday but the worst part is that i have a poor habit of ruminating about those mistakes and unable to forgive myself or tackle it to make sure that i have the right strategy to tackle it if i ever happen to make that mistake again or avoid doing itmost of the time when i make a mistake i go into a dark spiral of shame and guilt and sheer selfcriticism and i end up in a cycle of criticism and doing those mistakes again and feel even worse in the processsometimes i even ruminate about my ruminating habit as well which makes the burden and guilt much worse and this habit has been happening for years and affected how i look at myself and affected how i work and how i think during my studies how can i break this habit what strategies i can use to help myself from going deeper into the cycle of depression anxiety and extreme selfhatred and selfloathing and suicidal thoughtshow can i really and truly stop being afraid of the future and stop criticising myself for pretty much anything because i feel like i am at the bottom of the food chain and i feel like i have no chance to survive in lifehonestly i often feel that i should just grab a gun and shoot myself and save all the trouble from trying to push myself when it will be all for nothing and avoid all the humiliation and embarassed many people have already managed to achieve a lot in life and i feel that i was left behind and i feel that maybe i should just give up i cannot risk experiencing further humiliation than i already have ,1
everything seems like it should be great but i amlost utterly confused and i dont even know whyi amposting thisi ammarried with a 3 yearold we both work and i feel completely alone not a close friend in the world and i amjust so tired been slaving away in kitchens for the last ten years i have a good education i just never got my degree cooked to pay the bills etc found a great gal got married had a kid got another on the way love my daughter shes the best but i swear to god everyday i wake up and go to sleep with the realization that no one is on my side surei amgood at my job and the pay isnt terrible but my boss treats me like a turd i get home and tell the wife and she doesnt want to hear it just wants to know that the checks are still coming along with the dental and healthcarestarting to think she should just marry the companyim just a warm bodymachine to the people around me but this body is sick and tired of putting up with all this shit it isnt enough that i gave up on my hopes and dreams its not enough that i have no escape route that doesnt fuck my family over its not enough that i work until my whole body hurts the next day and i barely have the energy to walk the dogs much less be an activecaring parent but as a mani amrequired to bottle it all up inside and pretend everything is great just for the benefit of those around meim losing it i am exhausted constantly and frankly i work with a few great people but lots of them are total idiotsi amgreat at what i do but its taken as a matter of course financial stuff is almost all fucked and were always barely scraping by i just want to give up none of this is what i hoped it would be and i amfed up with giving 100 everyday to everyone and getting nothing back but complaintsi am angry as hell but i have zero outlet no one is safe to talk to and i cant trust anyone tried talking to my wife and she just cried and swore and cant be supportiveshes just worried about money and our family thats correct of course but the fact that my wellbeing doesnt even come second placethat hurts id really like to cleanly quickly end it all i thought i had something valuable to bring to the world when i was growing up but i see now thati amjust a brokendown cog in a really fucked up machine kitchens are lonely places even though youre in everyones personal space all day i dont need a reason to keep going i have plenty but the parts are wearing down and getting it to turn over when i hit the ignition gets harder and harder everyday i just want to lash out at something in righteous rage but the targets are just shadows ,1
probably not the most fitting sub but in trying to get out of a rut anything would help starter note i will likely not kill myself i have strong ties to a dear friend who died and it was the worst experience of my life i would never wish this feeling upon anyone his 21st birthday is soon so death thoughts of course appear amidst the despairbut recently i was at a friends party and i just couldnt deal with being there i spent the entire time sitting in a corner alone i was just too worried about too much other shit that was going on for me to enjoy it but for some reason as i looked out the window with t balloon weights next to me for some reason i kept having thoughts of grabbing the rock smashing the glass and then ramming a large shard into my throat as a note i used to be a very violent person til this friends death i bit many people during primary school it was not pleasanti was mostly scared of myself for thinking these things i just hate being by myself because i keep thinking this sort of thing and panicking i recently kicked my window in a panic with the intention to break it but i held myself back enough to cover my leg with a duna so i didnt injur myself just thought it was weird seeing as i still broke it,1
this is how i imagine myself this is how i imagine myself i imagine that ive stepped off the building thats lined in brick inch upon inch above the ground sky high a million feet i imagine my phone having numerous frantic missed calls but its turned off i imagine asi amfalling a remorse for anyone who ever really loved me and fleeting thoughts of hatred for the people who think they do but only love what they think is me i imagine regretting not writing anything before i go to tell them to shut the fuck up and hope that in an afterlife i can haunt their asses i imagine a splayed out kid in the parking lot not moving like a sack of meat still and plopped down on the pavement i imagine my black backpack torn with wear because i refuse to get another backpack until the onei amusing is in tatters abandoned up atop the mall carrying the government book that i was supposed to have read up to page twenty five in my pink composition notebook my three subject black spiral my lime green accordion folder my economics ook with a brown cover my calculator some pads money pencils two plastic bags all for thing i need to do later i imagine darkness and revel in infinite discontinuation i imagine nothing ,1
i am tired for the longest time i was the person who everyone went to if they wanted to vent or ask for help or just simply talk the past few weeks have been very emotionally exhausting i love hearing people out and helping them feel better but i am tiredi am tired that everyone keeps telling me their problems and never bother asking me about minei amlike some kind of disposable toy that you get when you feel bad and get rid of it when you feel better ive been well for some time but somethings happening and i dont know how to control my emotions anymore every single thing triggers a bunch of negative emotions including anger very bad anger i get mad at others for messaging me with their problems and i dont want to feel this way i dont to kill myself but i do its weird to explain maybe i just want to be gone for a while run away somewhere and heal my soul sorry this is all over the placei ambad with my thoughts but i wanted to write this somewhere i know how bad my thoughts and emotions can get and i was thinking of seeing a doctor about it but i cant go there alone without parents and my mother didnt really care about this when i told her that i have some emotional issuesi amvery tired of feeling this way i want to run away from these emotions but i cant ,1
ready to off myself i will be honest i always had an easy life single child parents have always been easy on me loved to no end it was unfair how easy i had it nowi amgrown up and having to deal with life problems on my own tho and i have no guidance no friends no life nobodyi amgetting my ass kicked proper and i cant deal with it i can only cry ,1
soon i will be dead no amount of anything can make me happy complete mental breakdown today and i felt completely ashamed i had to go home and my parents grounded me from pretty much everything for 2 weeks the internet my phone the only places were i can pretend to have friendsi amugly and stupid failing 3 of my 5 classes last year of highschool and i cant do basic shit its a chore to live and the one thing that makes me happy is being taken away peace,1
i feel like ive run out of options today is my twentyfirst birthday and i want to diemy entire life is controlled by my family they have all of my documentation and i have no way of recovering it for myself i dont know my own ssn and my birth certificate is long gone but i have no way of ordering a new one because theres no way to prove i am who i say i am i have no idwithout my information i cant go anywhere i cant leavei had to drop out of high school due to severe anxiety that has turned into agoraphobiaa few years ago something terrible happened to me that gave me ptsd and made it impossible for me to work consistently so i rarely have any money to my namemy family provides for me but i dont want to live like this anymorei havent seen any friends in person for a long time because i need dental work on my front teeth and i amembarrassed of showing my face to peoplethe few online friends i have havent acknowledged my existence today and i just dont know what to do out of everyone i knowi amthe only one who doesnt have a job cant start college and didnt even finish high school i need dental and medical care but i cant have it i have serious mental health problems like ptsd and ocd that my family knows i have but wont get me treatment fori dont want to die but i am so tired of feeling like this i no longer think its worth it to be here waiting for things to change its been five years its not getting better and i am not getting any youngeri amjust so tired of being so unhappy i was hoping i could just ignore the day but here i am bawling my eyes out like a fucking child and i am so disgusted with myself and i amrunning out of reasons to stay alive,1
all human beings are ranked sometimes it feels like all humans are on a coolness scale some people are cooler than i am and vice versa the cool kids never give me the time of day and i cant help but find boring people boring no matter how well they treat me thats probably whyi amalways lonely and hate myself its way too fucking hard to change,1
i cant do it i cant make friends i cant interact with people more than few seconds i get dizzy if i look someone in the eyes more than 3 seconds no one will ever be my friend and no one will love mei am not even smarti amliterally not good at anything and i hate the way my body looks like,1
i just dont know what to do with myself anymore 24 m this is going to be long and complexi am sorry and thank you in advance to anyone who reads it ive been severely depressed and have had severe anxietyadhd my whole life but it started to get really bad when i was 17 i am 24 now i never struggled in school gradeswise but i did every other way i have one sibling an older brother who is severely disabled his health was getting worse while i was in high school through college during this time i was also coming out of the closet as queer because of these things i was getting no attention from my family and i instead turned to drugs and drug communities i called my friends for support i got arrested for possession twice but my dad just paid a lawyer to take care of it and nothing came of the arrests all records disappeared the whole process going through that was traumatizing though as people like the police and probation officers were incredibly shaming and abusive so the situation was taken care of but absolutely nothing was done for me to recover from the trauma to figure out how i got into drugs in the first place or what i needed to get better my dad just told me to keep workinggoing to school and act like nothing happened so i did my brothers health took a turn for the worst after i graduated college and basically my parents are providing him 247 care for everything pretty much just making him comfortable until he dies this started like two and a half years ago doctors say it is impossible that he is still alive but somehow he is and we have no idea how long hell survive i didnt have a job after graduating so i moved home to figure things out being in that environment where my parents were busting their ass and unable to get much medical support because of insurance red tape and usas shitty health care system in general to provide every single need to my brother even feeding him and helping him go to the bathroom i was just existing in the shadows being ignored i tried to help out as much as i could but it was just so painful it just sucked me deeper into a even darker depression i started smoking marijuana and drinking liquor from the moment i woke up to the moment i went to sleep every single day i lost all control i contemplated suicide very seriously and told my parents they decided to send me back down to the town i went to college in its close to where my dad travels for work once a week so he got an apartment and just had me live there he told me to go to the career center at my alma mater and try to find a job all of my friends from college either moved away stopped keeping in touch or just got into fucked up situations like one of my friends moved in with an abusive boyfriend so i was pretty much just trapped here alone family only cared about me being okay enough to work i turned back to the only thing i knew which was substance abuse i got connected back with the same drug communities and was in full swing of it againi am still doing it to this day even though i am severely depressed somehow i am still highly functioning and skilled i was able to find a job and i make good money now it is an incredibly stressful job though which just fuels the substance abuse even more which puts me at risk of getting caught again and losing everything i see a great psychiatrist but he is just as stumped as i am i think what i really need is to be removed from my normal adult life and be in an environment where i can make my mental health my 1 priority and not have to worry about anything else i feel like a monster being jealous of my brother because i wish my parents had the ability to take care of me until i get myself back on me feet but i have an apartment lease a car lease and this job i dont want i dont have the means of creating or finding that kind of environment i need i spend all of my freetime drinkingsmoking myself though bad emotional episodes because i am so stressed and in over my head i cant go home becausei amafraid i will become more depressed againi honestly just have no idea what to do with myself the only solution my doctor has is meds and therapy which ive been trying on and off for years without any real luck all i can really think about is offing myself i just want nothing more than to just give up on everything i know everyone at my age feels lost but i feel lost alone and unimportant like i could disappear and everyone would continue on with their lives i am to the point now where i am okay with just being a sad tragedy people share on their facebook pages and then move on with their lives,1
i think time is running out i think ive failed on getting out of the hole that i found out ive been digging myself into years so much of the advice ive heard wont help me i dont really have the will or want to push through the next day let alone yeari amat the worst point ive ever been if someone tells me i need to be strong i have the urge to curl up and tell them that it doesnti ama weak little person and it doesnt seem like making out is possible or even very rewarding,1
why try i ve always been a pretty gifted kid as far as most aspects go i excelled in most classes aside from math from an early age was pretty articulate even as a toddler and used to genuinely enjoy learning before all of the enjoyment was sucked out of it by the pressure on me my mom s always held me to a standard of a s and b s only even a c is failing in her book and now i m not meeting it i ve got too much work and i get it done but i want to relax too i don t want to be doing something educational 247 because i m too burnt out by the time i get home i m trying to bring my grades up but i just can t do it and now my mom s cold as ice to me and is taking away basically everything that gives me any sort of relief from the constant stress she knows i ve got depression and anxiety both actually diagnosed and she knows how she treats me isn t helping at all but she just doesn t care she says it s all because she wants me to succeed but if feeling like my own mother hates me and that i ll never be good enough and having constant mental breakdowns and suicide attempts because of my failed attempts to meet her standards is what it takes to succeed then i don t want to why even bother if i ll fail anyways why even bother trying to live a life that makes me wish i were dead the only thing that s really kept me here for almost 16 years is the thought of my friends and family but i don t care anymore my friends can move on and my mom s just going to have to deal with losing her only daughter because of her refusal to listen i try so hard to get help but there s no use in talking if nobody will listen nobody aside from god himself could convince her to give me a chance considering my dad s already tried and so have i so i m not even going to bother anymore i ve already got a method planned and a note so i m all set to go i don t need to be alive anymore not with a life like this i don t want to graduate i don t want to go to college i don t want a job or a family or anything like that if going through hell is what it takes to get that then i never will i can t be alive anymore because this life isn t worth living and i m practically already dead just not physically i ve been attempting suicide since i was a fourth grader believe it or not but this time i m going to make sure that it s not an attempt i may not be able to succeed at anything else but i can and will succeed in dyingi know this sounds like typical teen angst bullshit but i don t care anymore my whole life i ve always been told that things get better but they never have the only way to make things better is to die i m tired of being the broken gifted kid i m tired of being alive,1
i don t know what to do i want to die so badly but i m too scared to end it which just makes me feel angrier about everything it feels like everything i do is stupid and meaningless even if i work hard and find success financially it feels like it would all be for nothing since nothing in life makes me feel any happier there is this burning in my brain that just won t go away and i always feel like i m being choked all i want is to go to sleep and not wake up the next day but i doubt that ll be happening anytime sorry if this is formatted weirdly i m on mobile,1
whats wrong with me so its been a rough day and my boyfriend was refusing to call me he finally did and his first words were what the fuck is wrong with you as soon as he said that i just lost all courage to tell him i was suicidal i toned it down to depression and he was still irritated with me but it got me thinking what is wrong with me i cant provide mentally for my family i cant hold myself together somethings wrong with mei am too weak ,1
is there someone i can talk to please its 200 am gmt in the morning in southeast asia ive been crying for 3 hours straight i hate my parents so much i want to take 20 sleeping pills ive bought and die its a long story i think every parents in this world fuck their kids up in a way they would never know they are divorced for 10 years now my father is a selfish man retired now all he wants now is just money and alcohol my mother is a rich woman who can donate thousand dollars to homeless people but to her kids no not that i want her money but i wont be able understand that she know me and my brother still struggling to earn money but she ignores it haha they could die now i wont even shed a tear or i could die to end of my question why i were born and have to watch them being unreasonable please note i have a big heart i care for a lot of people i spend my entire life to keep their shit together for them i am here for them the whole time to take care for the family business and the house cleaning maintenance trying to be happy around the house for baby kids but now i just want to kill myself or at least run away from them but the only thing that hold me back is my baby nephews i love them so much i want to watch them growing up i know once i run away from home i will never want to go back see the shitty parents again which means i cant see my nephewsi dont think i can bear with my situation for any longer i cant stop crying i need help or someone i can call via whatsapp viber listen to me talking and crying i have no single friend nor friends that actually friends,1
i feel so lost help me i feel empty like i cant get these thoughts and feelings to go awayi am21 and have been suffering with depression for the last 5 years my life has involved my dad physically beating me throwing punching me etc my mums a alcoholic and they argue most nights i did go uni but left after one year i work a shitty retail job i have no friends no outside communication and i cant take it anymore the feeling of isolation the feeling of despairi am so alone i want it to end i cant remember the last time i was happy ive had countless suicide scenarios run over and over in my head its just doing it which is drawing closerim scared aloneand above all need somebody ,1
my friend from a long time ago tried to kill himself i had a best friend all my childhood but in our late teens we drifted apart he did drugs drank too much and was very pessimistic about life in fact that was true when we were friends as well but i was more tolerable to it then he has been posting extremely depressive things to facebook for the last year and a couple of months ago he told me he tried to kill himself it was a huge shock but i dont know what to do he says he has no friends left and that life is really tough at the moment also job and money wisethe thing is that and i dont know if this is selfish but i dont have the energy to hang out with him or the strength to help him i havent seen and barely talked to him in over five years he sees me as his only true friend in this world and i know that if i start to hang out with him he will be extremely clingy and desperate wanting to do things all the time when we did hang out it was pretty draining and back then he was way more stable than he is now i just dont have the energyi also know that saying this to him will probably push him over the edge i also cant ignore him because that also feels mean under the circumstanseswhat can i do,1
i willness causing suicide ,1
overdose are there over the counter medications that will give the easiest death where you can just fall asleep and not wake up very unlikely and a silly question really but i amcurious,1
dieing is honestly the best option for me heres the situationi amabout to age out of my parents health insurance and therapy is extremely expensive i always feel alone like something is missing from my life its been this way for a long time at this point i genuinely have nothing to live for the only reason i havent ended it thus far is because i cant think of a way where no one gets traumatized or hurt who would have thought ending it all would be so complicated,1
i swear to fucking god if i get fucking hiccups again fuck apple fuck anyone who works there fuck hiccups fuck everything everyone thinksi am so fucking happy fuck everyone i want to fucking die eat shit fuck youyou thinki amfucking joking fuck you too i swear to godi ambetter off dead,1
i just want everyone i love to know it isnt their fault funny how my first post on reddit will be my last because i could never find the right words to properly fit ini am going to kill myself tonight ive been thinking about doing this since i was 9 years old ive run through the thoughts a million times over and at almost every angle i approach this i am more than positive regardless of how long i prolong it i am going to commit suicide so why not tonight ive lost almost everything that has ever meant anything to me regardless of the constant love and support i give others it is almost as if no one can love me or just maybe cant love me at the capacity i love them i feel like someone who is watching everyone elses life but i amnever truly able to live my own just floating just here i cant reach out for help its those dreams you have where no matter how loud youre screaming kicking hitting it just isnt enough for anyone to understand or come to your aid the world wont end because i die time doesnt stop nothing spectacular will happen because i died i will leave the earth as i entered if crying its no ones fault that i was a prisoner to my own mind the choice to end my life tonight is entirely selfish i am destroying myself and everyone around me by being alive so i have to end it i am sorry to whoever find me i am sorry to my loved ones for being the way i am i am so sorry and i loved you all very much take care of yourselves,1
amhomeless i have a house that i live in but it does not feel like a home when i am at work i am constantly thinking to myself that i want to go home and then when i get to the house i still find myself thinking i just really want to go home i dont know where it is though sometimes i go outside at night and walk around looking into all the empty businesses i live by a busy highway just so i can get away from the house sometimes i go to the grocery store or mcdonalds or something and stay there for a super long time just so i dont have to be at the house even if i dont need anything and even ifi am not even hungry even ifi amdown to my last few bucks at the end of my pay period 2wks sometimes i feel like i wont find my home until i go back to the place where i was before i was born which is just nothingness i just want peace and quiet and to be left alone does anyone else ever feel this way,1
i want to die but only for a whilei ama 15yearold ive been fighting depression for years and recently i started wanting to not be alive i dont want to kill myself but i want to be dead i dont want to be dead forever maybe just like a week is this considered being suicidal ive been suicidal before it felt differenti amkinda confused,1
feeling like no one cares its not that people havent they sure as hell seemingly have but i dont feel it i can be making eye contact or hugging someone that i know cares about me but i dont feel it ive ruined so many friendships and relationships because theyd just reach a point where i felt like i didnt matter to them no matter how much hell id put them through to prove otherwise ive participated in groups and classes for hobbies but again id feel like no one cares about me that it doesnt matter whetheri amthere or not even if reality is differentim 25 ive been seeing a therapist since march trying my hardest to be vulnerable more and more but i still dont feel like she cares about me the disturbing thing is i do feel attached to her i feel all the things one would feel when connecting with someone else except i dont feel like she cares not really no one cares why does this matter because i want to feel cared about i want to feel loved i want to matter to someone i want to feel like theres actually reason to be part of this larger community called society but i dont feel iti amjust venting so i can get by until therapy on thursday thanksi amgonna tell her how i feel this way ,1
a bucket list lately my suicidal thoughts have become frighteningly specific its really sort of freaked me out i was brainstorming ways to keep myself alive during those rockbottom moments and i decided to make a bucket list all the things i want to do once before i die because my biggest problem isnt really the desire to die its a lack of interest with living anymore that really makes things dangerous for me so hopefully a bucket list will be a kick in the right direction,1
hello would you like to listen to me i think if i talk for a little while i will feel better no pressure its just something that i want to try sure,1
am tired i just want to jump off of a building lately it has been very easy to be happy in one minute and suicidal sad after smoking does not even help alcohol does not even help i cannot even go to a psychologist or psychiatrist because i dont want to burden my parents i just want to diei amalso going to die anyway,1
thats life then why live it this is the only thing people ever give me tough loveall i think of when people tell me things like its life deal with it or its your own fault or sometimes you have to deal with it and move onall i think of in my head is if this is life then why live itby giving tough love your giving me more reasons not to live which is helping me but they dont realise they are making us feel worse ,1
looking at my crush having a fun time without me makes me want to kill myself awww that sucks dude also saw my crush in class today really hard to believe that you meet a person even hotter than herhim its a stupid feeling but what helps me are some hobbies right now swimming drawing a little bit or binge watch the office made me laugh big time xdsomething whats way more easier and appealing is try to let off steam or just chill by listening to some music for me its system of a down and rammstein they even have great calm songs meet friends drink and talk with them maybe like this guygirl is so hot really fucks me up or watch porn also an optionit still sucks if you do those things but it helps until you find someone new to be attracted to,1
i need solutions ,1
yeah i might go trough with it this time failed another engineering exams i had put hours into to understand everyone hates me looks down to me thinksi amretardedi amdone goodbye,1
every time i drink have the worst thoughts about myself and i dont even drink that often i know i should keep it to only a few drinks and just be social about it but i dont want my family to think something is wrong because i dont want to drinki dont know what to do_ _ could you tell them you have a new diet without alcohol and unhealthy things this is all i could come up with,1
i started self harming and i don t know why since secondary school i have suffered with anxiety and depression in and off recently i m now 24 i ve been going through a really hard time again with my depression a few nights ago i was feeling particularly terrible and for some reason i saw a razor on the sink in my bathroom and cut my arm a few shallowish cuts running across my arm the thing is i don t really know why i did that why did i have the urge to that i never have before i don t even know if it made me feel any better afterwards i just wondered if anyone else could relate or has had the same feeling g could shed more light on it,1
at my 25th birthday party i put a gun in my mouth everyone was downstairs having a great time we were drunk i couldnt stop thinking of my 12 gushed upstairs its camo with a camo case its loaded its calling me i went upstairs and got the gun out i stared at it then i put the barrel in my mouth i stared at the safety there is a round in the chamber i took the gun out of my mouth and set it on the floor i shook for a little while i managed to pull myself out of it and tell my wife its been a few days now i will never forget the taste and i am so ashamed,1
wish i was never born god end my existence forever please pleasei ambegging you end my existence please please please please please please please please please please please please please please arghhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,1
whats the point when there is no advancement life isnt improving at all i thought moving and getting this new job would fix a lot of problems but i am still homeless after a year of being here i cant afford anything keeping busy doesnt fill the hole in my heart either i have no family left alive and no onei amclose to i just work make enough to survive and pay my y membership so i can have a place to shower and i sleep in my car i really dont know what to do to improve my lifei am too stupid for college i have a learning disability that not only prevents me from furthering my education but causes me to be the butt of almost every joke in whatever group of people i find myself in i miss my family all the time and not having a roof over my head being able to buy decent clothes or go do anything that would be interesting to me has made life not worth living to mei amready to die ,1
every goddamn day every goddamn day i fight it every day i have convince myself that impaling myself into something sharp isnt with it every day i come up with an excuse you really want to see that concert you have a trip soon sometimes i drag the bottom of the barrel you just did your hair the weather looks nice tomorrowi have toyed with that line still do i have held the sharp thing in my hand and felt the cold imagined so realistically the intake of breath as i push past the resistance point of flesh always into my chest alwayseveryday i put it down and walk away every fucking day i have no idea how long it will last thirtysix years so fari dont post this for a response wont even answer if you do i just needed a place to say it to put it out there i will save myself i always doevery fucking day,1
20 f suicide feels peaceful parents wont let me go put alarms on the house and are always threatening to call the police trying to obtain n awaiting a reply from j anyone get from him,1
i need to die i need to die i need to die i need to die i need to die i need to die i need to die i need to die i cant fucking do this anymore nothing matters anyways i need to fucking die i cant step outside without feeling vulnerable i cant sleep in my own house because my roommates stay up until 5 am drinking and being loud as fuck sleep is the only reprieve i have i need to fucking die,1
getting into a partial program is impossible if you werent just hospitalized guess i gotta go attempt again so much for trying to get better,1
been thinking about it for a while now suicide yeah i wanna die i wake up and i amupset that my eyes opened again everything i liked has become so insignificant to me in the past few years and life is just a hassle all the time yknow i understand people have their problems that theres gonna be obstacles pretty often but i amhere thinking wow fuck this whats the pointi amonly 21i ama full time student who is also employedi ampursuing the career i want but a big part of me tells me none of what i want will ever happeni ama girl and i hate it this culture is so shitty toward this gender and it takes absolutely everything in me to not reek havoc on society every motherfucking day men look at me like they want to eat me and i amjust so uncomfortable walking down the street i cant even work without a gross older man looking me up and down and flirting with me my skin crawls every time gah people tell me they are here for me but i cannot bring myself to talk with them i dont want to be hospitalized because thats gonna put everything like school on hold and i dont want that its like there are solutions but i cannot use them things arent going so well right now my future is at risk because of a stupid decision i made to help with my depression but now consequences are obviously not worth it and i ampushed to seriously kill myself becausei amprone to make stupid decisions all the time just fuck me right i should googogogogobuti amhere,1
i do not know what to say here i have no idea what to say or do i am just so worn out and tired and i dont know that i can keep this up i live my life pretending to be happy and faking smiles for the people in my life including work i walk around and pretend things are great and that i dont hurt i have no idea what i am trying to get out of this post to a bunch of internet strangers but i have nobody else damn it i just wish people would understand how bad i hurt the only thing that keeps me from just ending it is my selfishness of trying to make everyone around me happy if that makes any fucking sense i want to talk about what hurts and where i come from but as i type this i dont know if it would change anything,1
parents threatens to destroy my collegejob career i feel the need to jump off a bridge and just drown my sorrows in the abyss due to family issues regarding me in general due to my sadness in anger fusing together as a time bomb ready to explode into a sea mine size explosion so here whats happened my mother and my aunt both says if i dont pass this algebra tutorial final test for college which is a 70 currently staying at 6065 theyll force me to go back home to find a job so why shouldnt i stay sincei amclearly 18 and allowed to do whatever i need to do here then back there my major is computer game designing if i cant find a effort to create games i cant live with myself anymore its like they say you lose one your parents wants you to lose many asian parents they guess they knows whats best right wrong i want happiness freedom and be treated as a equal to an equivalent of a friend though going out on the interstate bridge hoping to drop to my death will be pleasant enough seriously who thinks they were just making a false claim on saying that excuse is a lie they wont do that well sorry bud but my parents is something i cant opposed to i mean like that sincerely cause if no college means no way of pursuing my career just end it erase my existence its useless once they made my decision on something they opposed to they will carry me off to homebound,1
my mother birthed me only to kill me not directly but every one of her actions since i was like 16 has made sure i was the most miserable i could possibly be i hate her and shes the 1 reason i want to die becausei am so i will its unavoidable to have her in my life because i need money but as long as shes in my life i have zero hope of getting better i hate you mom why do some people get the most sorrowcreating and terrible parents_ _she doesnt care if i live or die ive read her emails yep i suck and she says shes not even sad about my life anymore just waiting to move to another country and not deal with me i told her i was going to kill myself on a specific day and she made sure to leave the house that entire day giving me the opportunity to do it shes given me so much stress and trauma i literally have severe chronic pain from the emotional abuse and cruelty shes put me through i dont want any replies just venting,1
putting it herei amputting this here instead of advice because it seemed more fitting it is more fitting ive started high school i deal with many things that make me feel very upset school is just another thing i have to deal with upon my pile and its the worst of all i dont know why exactly i dont like it i mean many people dont like high school or any school for that matter but school no matter how much they try to help me deal with all my problems it makes me want to harm myself in a terrible way i just dont know what to do i dont want to spend the next four years of my life feeling suicidal i want to spend it wisely taking online school where the environment is less stressful and i wont feel as depressedi amthankful they try to help me but ive been pushed to my limit and i cant handle this my parents dont like the idea of online school they keep telling me to try everyone thinksi amgetting better but i am noti amjust getting better at hiding it how in the world do i tell them or convince them that i wont be as depressed being schooled online and i know id be happier doing that because ive been seeing how i feel at school and as soon as i come home it changes drastically in a good way please help me,1
i m going to kill myself i m tired of lifei am tired too man i dont want to study i dont want to have to exercise i dont want to be addicted to nicotine i dont want to be antisocial i dont want to feel likei ambeing watched in public i want to feel like i belong i dont want to get a job its my second week in college and i already feel as ifi amfucked but what else can i do join the militaryi amfat and lazy and enjoy pot too much no military in their right mind would take me i hate having to get out of bed everyday i hate parties i hate being awkward the only few things i enjoy are history money video games and weed ive never been suicidal but i definitely scare myself everyday a single thought dawns on me itd be easier if i was dead i wish we were all just stupid goddamn animals i wish algebra didnt exist i wish we could just fuck and die like everything else ,1
is it worth committing suicide because i cant find a job and i amlegit unemployable wherever i go seems like all my friends who went through the same struggle as me for years all have good paying jobs now and i amjust completely useless staying at home with my parents just wanting some money fuck doing my head in,1
why cant i just go to sleep forever i was diagnosed with insomnia its not bad at all a few mg 15mg to be exact will knock me right outi wish it put me to sleep forever maybe one night it will if i take 100mg,1
i ruined everything with the person i love it all happened when we were on vacation from college she had an argument with her mother and her mother took her cellphone so we werent able to comunicate after some days i thought she was just busy and only sent her 2 messages but after a while i began to think that she didnt want to talo with me anymore and i started feeling depressed i didnt have anyone to talk during vacation because my best friend was really busyand she got even busier later so i just spend all the timei am not at college in my room so we didnt talk at all after a while i just felt horrible each day that passed made me wanna die more and more after some time she appeared and told me she was without a cellphone and disappeared again by the time she told me that everything had lost its charm to me when we returned to college she was acting really strange she was ignoring me and broke up with me after that she blocked me on everything by each day that passed i was feeling more depressed i started really hating myself and i didnt even feel any pleasure from going out with my friends anymore i cant concentrate on classes anymore and everytime i tried to talk with her i just wasnt able to see what i had done as i was feeling really confused everytime i see her i wanna talk with her but i just feel paralyzed when i try we see each other everyday it has been 2 months since we broke up and i really cant take it anymore i just plan on ending it all on the weekend but i wanted to at least apologize first,1
if things have not improved by the end of the month i think itll be time to move on my depression is getting worse the medication isnt working i dont feel anything except fear of being reprimanded by authority figures or having the few friends i have left leave me for reasons unknown life seems to be a feelingless purgatory even those friends i have are often angry with mei amalone most of the time dreams of my fears coming to fruition prevent sleep from being respite i suddenly feel likei amacomplete nihilist and i think that ifthings dont seem to matter by the end of the month i reckon i will go jump off a bridge main reasoni amwaiting is lostallhope recommended itnobody that i know of benefits from my existence i dont even benefit asi ama constant dissapointment to myself for my failure o live up to my ideals do basic choresactivities or een just getting up and showering a porn addiction that had been put to bed for a ear or so hit hard in the wake of this and it just makes me feel emptier and more disconnected from the world at largesorry for the crap spelling i was half asleep while writing,1
i cant anymorethreatening i am a 18 year girlgoing to school and i used to live my parents but then got my own house living with my flat mates i couldnt live with my parents anymore because i used to be bullied by them they didnt allow me to go out with anyone not even with aunt or smth like that but today my dad came to visit me and started threatening me that he wants to cut my neck open telling me to wash dishes do the work for him and if i say i dont want it he is always coming with a knife and showing me the way he is going to murder me he is nonstop insulting me i am thinking to do drugs i even started cutting because i dont know anymore hes been alcoholic since i can clearly think and i tried 18 years to deal with it i cannot handle this any longer and i will commit this week people do not know about it but that text should be my last text to say that i love my family still but i just want to thanks people supporting me and tried to go through this with me my boyfriend i love you thank you for reading this guys appreciate all of it ,1
thoughts i think about doing it every day but i am a coward and dont know how to but i wish i could i wish i could easily end it i think about the people who itll hurt my family but thats a given i think about all the people who will pretend to care like friends from high school or people who ive talked with once or twice and then i wonder why will they care then is it so other people can show them sympathy because they lost a friend or is it to make themselves look like they are caring no one talks to me now why not put effort into caring whilei am still here instead of wheni amdead all i think about is haunting their asses tbh all the ones that may pretend to care ,1
i want to reach out to somebody but if they dont understand or realise how serious i am what do i do how should i feel if i reach out to somebody for help irl but they dont realize how serious i am or they just arent emotionally equipped to handle italso if that does happen and i still decide to go through with it how can i let them know its not their fault for being unprepared or at all for what i did,1
please hear me out this is my first time on this subreddit but i think is time for me to seek help before going on please read everything i know its long but i really need someone to hear me outim currently a 20 yo male so i will start writing from the beginning it all started back when i was a kid i had an imaginary friend whose name was fred fred was always there for me and he was a great friend for pretty much all my life he bid farewell when i was 17 needless to say i cried all that daymy first episode with depression was back when i was 14 i think i got expelled from my previous school and entered a new one i had a lot of behavioural isssues back then so i felt abandoned and like i had betrayed the friends i had not only that i aso felt i disappointed my mother this was the second time i was expelledbut fred tried to cheer me up he did his best so i wouldnt be sulky all day long and i even met a guy he was the first persona i talked to in that school and was really happy for the first time i thought everything would get better from thenhowever the next day i went to school i didnt find that guy anywhere needless to say i felt devastated had i done something wrong did i scare him somehow all those doubts were bugging me back then some years later i found him again i met other people and made new friends while looking for him and asked him why he had disappeared he told me he didnt like our classmates so he changed his classroom he felt terrible when i told him how i felt to this day he still feels bad for what he did but ive got no grudges against himso i was all alone during my first year at that school with the exception of that single kid i didnt get along with anyone else so that year i was friendless i used to help my arts teacher do some works during the breaks so i wouldnt be alone all day long i learnt the hard way the value of human interaction otherwise i would be reading in the hall ive done this since i was a kidone day i was unbearably sad so i didnt feel like eating anything also you had to go to the dining hall so you could have lunch and i skipped lunch for a whole week cause i didnt want to go alone in there and be seen as a weirdo i was an idiot i knowso i stopped eating for that week got some nasty hunger pangs and ate as much as i could when i got home i also ate a lot during the weekends so my mom became suspicious one day i was feeling really really hungry since waking up so i ate my snacks it eased the hunger pangs for a while but during spanish class that teacher really liked me i passed outi obviously dont remember everything i was sitting in my desk and lost consciousness next thing i remember everyone was standing by my side looking at me someone went for stretcher and they carried me to the schools nurseryi stayed there for a long while and when i got out another teacher that really liked mei am still indebted to her if youre reading this thank you greeted me she began asking me questions beating around the bush until she told me so you say youve been eating well but i can prove otherwise she showed me a list they used which they checked when you entered the dinig hall i didnt have a single checkshe said she wouldnt tell my parents i begged her not to if i went to eat everyday i agreed and to this day my parents dont know about that incidentfast forwarding to college lifei decided to study medicine and entered college when i was 17 everything was fine i still was sad cause of freds departure he left when i was 17 remember but i was really happy for the change of environmentuntil one day i was having lunch at the dining hall and saw a guy who i thought was cute but said hey its fine you can find other people attractive doesnt mean youre gay i was wrong i had a crush on that guy i still kind of have to this dayi was really confused back then so i experimented with a different guy who liked me i didnt reciprocate though it was a terrible idea not only i felt bad for him i was struggling with my sexuality and that triggered another depressive episodelast year i finally came out to myself as bisexual i decided i needed to move on the guy i like has a boyfriend and has been with him for 2 years i think so i decided to talk to him i got really nervous and didnt tell him how i felt but i think it was pretty obvious from my body language to this day i still kind of have feelings for him i know its ridiculous we havent even talked except for that time but i am not jealous of his boyfriend i hope they stay in love and have a healthy relationshipif youre still reading this thank you i really appreciate itand now to the present dayive been having suicidal thoughts for some time actually i even have it planned i study medicine so i know thats a warning signi havent done it cause i promised fred not to do it and he told me that if i kill myself he wouldnt talk nor come see me again i know i should go to a psychiatrist but i dont want anyone in my family to know about thisthanks for reading this i know its long but i needed to write all the important details any help is really appreciated please be safe and have a nice daynight,1
this is my 20f last cry for help i cant believei amhere again i wrote on this subreddit about 6 months ago and didnt think that things could be worsehere is that post in case youre curious ive really had enoughim lonelier than ive ever been i dont have anyone to talk to and sayingi amoverwhelmed is too much of an understatement i really need help because i dont want to feel this way anymore i cant type anymore my mind is racing,1
amdone with it alli am so alone there is absolutely no one out there for me i get so much plastic surgery to make myself substantial looking but still no one will ever want to actually be with me because they know how incompetent and disgusting and what a worthless piece of shit i am i deserve nothing i am thinking about driving down to this infamous neonazi house downtown because i want to get raped again its what i deserve even my psychiatrist thinksi ama worthless piece of shit its time to go,1
on and off ive been here a little too much for my liking the past few months but i just feel so lonely its very on and off but its really on right now everything the anxiety depression i dont know i just feel so lonely and tired i had a plan a couple months ago on how id do it i still have it i dont want to i really dont want to i just have about 3 friends and those 3 friends are always busy i feel so lonelyi am sorry ifi amrepetitivei amjust so done,1
what now missed another day of work missed another assignment i think in actually finding the downward spiral that will get me to finally kill myself,1
why do i bother i went out with a friend to just try to get out and i am not even socializing with anyone i wish i could just kill myself maybe i will finally do it i wanna do it,1
cant sleep becausei am too busy of fantasizing of how i should do iti amjust tired of all the bullshiti amfeelingi am tired of the messed up place thats my headi am tired of how much of a fucked up horrrible person i am i dont deserve anything and idk whyi amhere ,1
theres only one reason i havent killed myself yet and its not a very good one cw rape when i was 17 i was raped he was my boyfriend at the time hed done something asked if it was ok if he slept with someone else on his upcoming 18th birthday or something like that and it had disgusted me i didnt want to have sex with him that night but no was not an answer he liked to hear previously when id said no he just got me drunk but that night he just kept pushing and pushing until i gave in because i felt like i had toi had a history of being abused before that my family was not a good one he knew this he had also systematically isolated me from all of my friends he knew there was nobody else in my life and he knew that gave him power i cried the whole way through and even though he didnt finish because it really started feeling like i was raping you and i am not a rapist that didnt erase the previous fifteen or so minutes if i remember correctly he didnt stop for me he stopped for his own selfimageto this day he is the only person i have had sex with willingly or otherwise and thats the only reason i havent killed myself yet i dont want to die knowing he was the only person ever to have fucked me it feels like hes winning especially since its been over half a decade since it happened and ive still not been able to be with someone elsei feel like thats slowly becoming less and less of a concern though nobody would want me now anyway i have no life in me theres nothing about me that would attract another person i recently realised after spending several months without any of my friends contacting me that i could literally have already been rotting and nobody would have noticedi dont know why ive not done it maybei amscared of the pain of failure,1
amselfdestructive and volatile should i just do iti am not forcing anyone to see my past posts but id recommend the last few just to understand how selfdestroying and volatile i am its probably nothing compared to what some people become suicidal about but hey its thatnow ive had suicidal tendencies way before today i have depression and take meds and all that shit and they really work if i never actually think about my own situationand today i did and i ambeginning to regret not just ending it back when i first attempted suicide a few years ago the amount of pain i wouldve went through these last years is fucking tremendous my mother died my dad is paranoid i will do something my sister disappointed in me dropping out i ama fucking mess i just want to end it to be forgotten about to throw myself into a river of liquid space and disappear beneath the wavesif i did not exist my mother would be alivei amsure of it she was an alcoholic and died from a ruptured liver dad said she only started drinking when she had two children to look after of course not implying that i was the problembut i am growing up i was a shit to take care off aspergers and mood swings are all what i remember myself as a child considered bright to some regard but now i wish i could swap out my brightness with something more practical like charisma or something that would really help me socially now ive dropped out of high school going to a technical college for some diploma i only decided to work towards because it was practical and literally the only thing that would get me a job itim a selfpitimising shit and dont deserve the life assigned to me i want to connect with people but end up driving them away unintentionally i get angry passionate emotional but people dont like people like that they want some sugarcoated bullshit phonyass yes please no thank you person who sticks their finger in their ass and zips their mouth upim not importantim just not fucking importantif i disappeared not die just stopped existing nothing would change it wont be the next fucking big headline teen boy went missing all id get is a little fucking corner of some shitty fucking tabloid magazine if i was younger or a girl however you bet your fucking ass people would type that shit upbecause guys cant be emotional guys problems are nothing compared to girls we should just shut up and listen to people yap on and on and on and fucking on until they look at us expectantly waiting for our drytoned oldstyleradiostatictype voice replying near a whisper tell me moreand that person will smile knowing full well that you arent really listening but appreciative of the fact you would bend your own arse for them then yap yap yap yaptell me moreyap yap yap yapwow reallyyapevery god damn time i try to be open i try to say my thoughts on something someone always has to bring me down i get iti amthe yapper but why should i be so fucking subservient to people when they dont return the fucking favor fuck that i regret every minute i spend talking about something deep within me a desire tangled in cobwebs of barbed wire as i soon regret it its the same everywhere online offline its like ive already died and went to hell and have been spending the last seventeen fucking years just waiting for satan to pop out of nowhere shout you just been pranked and then having everything around me collapse like fake walls in a movie setfuck thisi am not waiting for anyone if it is going to endi am going to fucking do it whether it is today or in 100 years time even if i stop being depressed get married live a happy lifei amdying by my own handsi am not giving cancer diseases anything taking this one part of my life that will be under my control i was always like this i never had control over my mind one minutei am in complete control the next its like both arms have been cut from the shoulder and i am in the backseat of a car driving a hundred miles an hour toward an open active nuclear missile silo the only choice i have is to close my eyesfucki amjust so fucking done with me i want to be someone not me and hey guess what ive done this before destroying any reputation i gained and then throwing away the account and i amprobably going to do it again and again and again and again adn aigan and againi wanted to be a writer i wanted to be a games developer i wanted fucking anything that isnt me right now but ive realized thati amstuck here in limbo probably for centuries ive talked to councillors therapists the whole lot and they all say the same tell me more,1
the harder i try the further i fall i was diagnosed with chronic depression pretty early on i think around 12 or 13 diagnosed with bipolar when i was 19 and bpd when i was about 24 and ptsd about a year ago i am now about to be 29 in a few weeks and i have been stuck in the worst depression of my life since this past december i had been in a depression before that but i d come out of it within days i can t come out of it this time its been almost 10 months i don t have the desire or will to live anymore no i do not want to kill myself nor do i have a plan but it s like my brain has become hardwired to just constantly obsess about suicide it s almost like i welcome the darkness lately i haven t even been able to get into a manic state in probably a year this is detrimental to me i could paint and make the art i love to make when i am manic my artwork was my outlet and i ve lost that spark i actually felt happy and content i actually live my life and get shit done with my depression comes the most god awful anxiety i ve ever experienced it s crippling and it affects my home relationships and work life i ve tried multiple medications and they only make things worse i actually got started on a new one today basically the reason i am writing this is because today i have been in the worst place mentally than i think i ve ever been i lost it today i had to move in with my family last december after my breakup i was suppose to be getting money saved and bills paid off my depression kept me from doing that well now as of four weeks ago today my checks began to get garnished by a hospital here in town for thousands of dollars well today i get a summons for court because that same hospital is suing me again for another bill that is thousands of dollars more than the garnishment happening right now and about a week ago i get a letter from the irs stating i m being put on a levy or pay 500 immediately and then find out my car has an issue that needs addressed immediately before the axel breaks and that could cost around 600800 i ve been struggling living paycheck to paycheck so i had no savings and i literally got paid today and have less than 20 to last s me another two weeks i m trying like hell but the harder i get pummeled the more i want to give up i know i am strong and i know i am capable of shit i can t even imagine but i m reaching my breaking point my body is small it can only take so much the constant self hate and self destructive behaviors destroy me it s like i won t allow myself to be happy i feel like that happy feeling doesn t exist inside me anymore why are we so frowned upon when we want to end our pain and suffering i get that people will be hurt by it and miss us but staying is torture i can t even enjoy being around family and friends because i m so lost in my head my anxiety causes me to panic and then everyone thinks that i am upset i ruin people s good vibes when i bring my bad vibes around so we are expected to stay and be miserable and horribly pained just so they won t feel the sting from us going elsewhere isn t it selfish on both ends i don t want to exist in this world but i don t want to die suicide haunts my mind and we are becoming a little too comfortable with each other i am strong but i am tired ,1
feel like i need to have it as an optioni am not sure where i should post this since it deals with multiple things but i will just post it here because it could be triggering and it is related to suicide i keep obsessing over the thought of friends committing suicide whenever they feel low or seem off i get anxious now i get anxious when they are physically unwell as well because i dont want to lose them and that is the first thing my mind goes to when i hear they arent feeling great physically but i noticed the kind of anxiety is very different i think i have now finally figured out that that is because i feel like if they commit suicide then i cant anymore since i will be seen as an attention seeker thus i feel like i dont have the option anymore and i will feel nervous sometimes it even makes me feel like i have to commit right now because otherwise i wont be able to do so anymore it drives me insane that i keep obsessing over these thoughtsother peoples wellbeing because i feel selfish and i also dont want them to feel upset and by thinking about this and being unable to stop doing so i can literally ruin anything for myself i also feel anxious because i dont want them to be upset even if i know they wont commit suicide i will just want them to be happy and i also just really dont want to lose them i think the obsessing part is very much ocd related and the keeping it as an option part is depression related but i have no clue how to solve this regardlessi am not sure what i want with this post just get it off my chest i guess ,1
can you choose what happens to your body is there a way i can leave instructions of what i want to be done to my body when i kill myself or will it go automatically to my closest relativesi could also leave some cash to cover what i want donei want my ashes burnt and thrown into garbage dump or pig farm i would also want zero funeral or any similar eventthis would be in north america if that mattersthanks,1
i want to scream out on facebook that i dont want to live anymore but i have friends who have been suicidal and i dont want them to have flashbacks to their attempts one time one of them asked me if i was going to be safe i lied and said yes because i know she has anxiety later on that night i tried looking to see if there was a hatch leading to the top of the building my office is in there isnt but theres a way to open the door leading to a locked patio on the seventh floor of another buildingi feel so terribleeven now there are things that i want to say but i wont because i know that they might upset some of you the only person i can tell would be a therapistwho would then call the cops or the ambulancefuck if i ever do it theres a long trail of social media posts that will foreshadow what ive done,1
i knowi amready because i dont feel anythingi am not scared and i am not sad not angry either no aching in my chest or tears i guess some people just werent meant to live and i accept thati amone of them ,1
i dont dream anymore repost after problem with automatic modi feel fatigued all the time college is fine internship in a department of my university is fine as well i got lucky cause the architecture field can be really harsh but even on it my mindset is in a place where i feel bad though the process of doing something and not succeeding the calling out session that comes after and even when i get praised over something i dont really care whatever i have no idea whati am going to do after i graduate becausei am not sure 4 years in if i have the right skillset for architecture and i dont think i can mentally and financially change my graduation at such stage ive seen so many incredible people who deserves so much mor the title of architect that can do so much more than i ever couldi used to have a hard time opening to others while i was young due to insecurity that developed to a stage where i get my fix of social accomplishments in my own world in my head imagining traveling and dating sure i have a nice and welcoming group of friends open minded the best people you could ask for and yet i cant come out to them as gay because theres this cliff in front of me where i freeze and cant afirm myself oh and i had unprotected sex and am on so heyi amfeeling even more shittyandi amprogressively losing interest in thingsi am not caring about carrer anymore i have a crush at college which could really work but i am too tired to go through the dating process so i imagine moments like holding hands and i amdone with the human affection partim watching videos of families who lost someone to suicide in the past it was shocking to me so it kinda got me away from this path but every time i go back to them i get more and more numb towards them everything is a drag god even thinking about te process of getting the stuff to end this situation is tiring exit bag would be a must cause of pain but i have to go after materials and stuffi currently live with my mother but i amgetting further from her every day my bedrooms door is closed all the time my eyes glued to the screen my ears covered with a headphone so besides speaking with said friends in the pc i dont have anyonewell shit no surprisei amlike this eymood keep your name by dirty projectorsthing is i dont even want to get betteri amenjoying the pain it kinda makes me feel less pain in generalthere are so many people in places way worse than mine believe mei ama blessed person and i amfeeling ashamed to be in such situation but hey thats whats happening i wish i could just drift away like stop eating and slowly fade away no pain just feeling my energy decreasing and disappear,1
i dont see any reason to keep going i seriously cant i hate how health and financial success is wasted on me i wish i could trade lives with some poor kid in a third world country someone who never had a chance they can have my life my money everything i just dont want to live anymorei am so tired so everything being so fucking hard for me i wish someone who could appreciate my life could have it the universe is so fucking stupid why did i even have to be born i never asked anyone to exist so why was i born just to suffer this miserable existence i dont even feel like writing how i feel anymore i just give upi amdone,1
every day is a struggle to not go through with it i dont know where else to turn i dont know where to start i just know i want nothing more than to be in a horrific accident that kills me almost instantaneously i dont know why i feel like this i dont know how to fix it i just dont know hell i dont know who i am anymore i feel likei amcompletely losing myself in an empty void and no matter how much i reach for help from my so i still feel alone why cant i just die already its not as if anyone in my life notices appreciates or even truly cares about mei amno onei amthe livein maid to my familyi am worthless i am completely unnecessary they dont need me whatsoever so why do i continue with this life ive even dubbed my own theme song to be mr cellophane from i find myself singing the chorus a lot lately cellophane mr cellophane shoulda been my name mr cellophane cuz you look right through me walk right by me and never knowi amthere,1
before i go i have a note titled before i go on my phone in the note is a list of all the things i want to do to prepare for my suicide its nothing complicated or fanciful not a bucket list just things to settle my mind its not even a long list mostly just cleaning the house i want to feel relaxed when i do it is it strange to want to clean my apartment before i die i guess i just wanted to share ive got no one to talk to i figured at least here i wouldnt be alone ,1
life is a bitch life is hitting me with waves of shit but this week i was hit with a damn tsunami but let me not say that because it seems to get worseim so tired just tired of everythingwhen its looked out of context it doesnt seem too bad but hear me outit wont be that thrilling really but its just tiringit was raining today as i was driving in my moms car important for later home i stopped at the traffic light and this guy behind me in his truck slammed into me luckily it wasnt too bad but i exchanged some details and tried tone up as much as i could because he seemed shadyi insist that we go to the police station to get a case number etc etc he agrees and we go once we arrive at the police station he begs me to not involve the police because his boss is going to come down on him heavy and his job is under scrutinynowi amstanding there thinking the world gives me such shit and here i have the opportunity to just make this guys life a little better maybe safer too because heck we need our jobs to survive yet on the other hand its my mothers car and she would do things the civil way i choose to take his details and not involve the police because why not i am trying to be the betternicer person coz what you put in is what you get out right not really i guessi get home i get a scolding and i am an adult yeah totally normal coz these things dont happen when people drive behind you in the rain gah hopefully the insurance sorts this out but its going to be a real painfastforward 3 hours of crashing coz it was the only thing i could do while stressedi cant find my flash drive with all my important documents on its these small things that pile up and just beautifully spreads the shit flavored icing on a garbage cakenight timei amforced to visit some family with the ugly dent in the car that my parents worked quite hard for but only to be greeted with a congregation of my family too busy admiring this brand new sports car in the drivewaywhos new car is this oh its my cousin with the rich parents so much years younger than me has had a more blessed life than me then you have to fake smile your way into congratulating him all night and fake admiring what a beautiful car it is you just dont smile and you become transparent and they start speaking how jealous you are without saying a word amazing how humans are with their interactionsi am really just tired but i beat through the night and fake smiled anywaysi should give more context on this said cousin but i am too tired so long story short he is an asshole and well leave it at thatnow to think that i am out here reaching doing what i must trying to be nice and life hands you this hell it doesnt even hand it to you it constantly smacks you with it why bother its really just all too much i understand it isnt fair but rising through this is really tiring just tiringkinda my second post i dont know whati am doing on here or reddit so go soft it feels nice to speak all this out i guessim not sure if this even the correct subreddit to post this but i will leave it hear anyways,1
have any of yall ever checked yourself into a psychiatric hospital i am strongly considering checking myself into my local psychiatric hospitalhowever i am transgender and bisexual so i have fears of being too vulnerable like the people working there might trigger me and make it worsewhat was it like ,1
i often think i would be better dead hey so i have sa a lot of it when i think ive hurt someones feelings or done something embarrassing i just want to die now a lot of people say ohh i wanna dieee but i actually do i hate dealing with some drama i had with someone i would rather just die and not deal with it ever again but theres often times wherei am so happy in alive night car rights or hanging with friends doing whatever but ive been thinking about wanting to be dead almost everyday i wont ever do it but its getting out of hand how much sa can effect me,1
waste of space and resources dont readi am too coward to do it ive been thinking about killing myself my entire adult life why do i have to keep going if this feeling never changes i have so much anxiety i could barely go tho jury duty i only get by at work because i avoid conversation and keep a wall up no matter whati amjust a robot not enjoying anything anymore for years i hate thati ameven telling anyone bci am not worth it ppl in my life tell me in not worth it and i know its truei ambarely valuable in any context andd cause more trouble and inconvenience and wear ppl out so they dont contact me anymore and i end up more jaded an d guarded and isolatedi amgiving up at some point just not sure when,1
for those with experiencei amsurei am not the only one who feels like not being able to reach the age of 30 and especially not 40 having these suicidal thoughts come up all the timei am24 now and have thought this way since i was 21for those that thought the same way and are older now possibly 30 how do you think now do you still feel you wont reach 40 or do you feel like you wont reach 50 nowthanks for any reply,1
its been a couple years but i amright back where i started its worse than before she can be seen everywhere in my room ever since that night she shows up pounding me with screams and fists i was never ready for a relationship againtomorrow is 6 months with a new girl and my dads birthdayi amonly alive from the guilt of dying its slowly adding up shes coming for me and i wont be free untili amgone i cant handle this relationship i cant handle school work i cant handle myself each blink i feel it a fist on my chest each day it worsens shes coming i will be free soon ,1
all i can seem to do is make it to tomorrow every day is a struggle just to make it to the next day my resolve has been slowly chipped away i dont quite know how long i can keep this up,1
ive never been suicidal until now i dont really have a solid reason why the past few weeks have gotten progressively worse it started as simple stress 3 months later i just dont want to do it anymore no one in my family knows the only person i tell is my boyfriend and it overwhelms him to the point where he doesnt even reply because he doesnt know what to do i called him crying mid panic attack because i didnt know what else to do he got mad at me saying that i timed it perfectly since hes currently in las vegas at a music festival and i was only doing it because hes there i wish that were true i would so much rather be that crazy girlfriend than to live with the thoughts in my head he says he cares but will go hours with out checking his phone he doesnt think its realthe past few weeks i could feel this darkness inside of me grow and grow i have cried every night wishing i could just make everything stop ive never been suicidal and these thoughts dont make sense to me i keep trying to convince myself that its for attention like everyone will think but i dont think it is i think about dying every night how its an escape from tomorrow every day after that i try and think about my family but there seems to be a mental wall where my brain isnt let me see over it i cant think about them i wont allow myself to feel that it feels selfish i feel guilty ive lived 22 years with anxiety and depression i have journals from 6th grade talking about suicide and how it felt like it was an inevitable thing i used to self harm when i was 8 to get away from the emotional angst even though i didnt know what i was doing at the time this has always been apart of me i sought help january of this year and it helped in the beginning but now i feel like this is too much i just want to be hospitalized or something out of my own control so i can regain control but i dont have that kind of money and not a single part of me can tell my parents i want to tell them so badly so i can get it off my shoulders but ive seen how they react to that sort of thing first hand they made my sisters feel guilty each time they chose to be hospitalized said it was for attention i wish it were for attention,1
today was the weirdest today i felt like i wasnt me it feels like i was drunk or something i am so depressed that it hurts physically please help i have been crying for so long i might get blind,1
someone to talk to can you leave any contact info if you want to talk about something serious it should be in real time,1
feel trapped between sanity and madness my mental health is broken and i feel beyond repair there are so many problems going on at once in my head its hard to tell what is doing what sometimes my mood changes so rapidly i dont trust myself anymore i feel useless and less worth then others i have tried to bring myself some self worth but i cant get it in a positive light its so deeply rutted in my mind its a foundation of my reality that i am less that i am not deserving of anything but pain anxietydepressionfeeling compelled to hurt myselfgenderdysphoria and uncontrollably mood swings idk what to do anymore i feel cursed useless idk how i have been able to stay alive how am i anymore idk anymore ,1
i dont really want to die but i feel like its my only optioni ama 21f living with my alcoholic father who has leeched off of my brother and i since we were 11 he owes each of us thousands of dollars recently we stopped giving him money my brother moved out a few months ago hes doing really well and attending berkeley now my dad is going to be forced to sell the house and he says once he does hes going to move into a trailer which is in a seniors only communityyeah the thousands of dollars he owes me would really help right now i have some money saved up from work but ifi amto move out which i will have to sooni am going to have to work more hours than i do just to be able to afford a roomits always been really hard for me to work even two daysweek whilei am in school now i might have to take less classes and i still have so many classes i need to take before i can transfer out of this cc i really want to make school my focus but i dont think i will be able to i dont want to be in community college 4 years from now because of having to take light semesters i hate being stuck in a town i have no one in ,1
why are guns so expensive i dont know anyone who owns a gun which means i have to buy one but even starter guns are 400 at least thats a big chunk of my paycheck so if i fail thats a lot of money down the drain besides that i dont know anything about guns i cant very well go up to the shop owner and ask which gun is best for shooting myself in the head whats my excuse for buying it would a vague home defense excuse work,1
brother is suicidal my half brother late 20s is a functional autistic graduated with a degree in chemistry can interact in society but youd know hes off but the sad is is that he knows something is wrong with him but not sure what and he knows that cause he has no friends and no one wants to be around him its a long story but i just found out he was suicidal because hes trying to join the air force cant find a job and he told me its pending an evaluation from his school and when i asked what it was he reluctantly told me its his therapy sessions for suicide my step mom is a old school korean mom who doesnt take it seriously and thinks anyone needs to make it through life is an education shes deluded to the fact he has needs and the air force might be a death sentence for a guy who is isolated alone and depressed he lives in virginia and i live in california soi am not around enough to hang with him whats some stuff i can do to help him any advice would be appreciated,1
low i haven t felt this hopeless in so long i need a sign i need something,1
very suicidal but am stuck because of family every hour of everyday i wish i was dead i have multiple ways to end my life at my disposal but i cant use them my death would destroy my family mainly my younger brother and sister if it wasnt for them i would have been gone long ago its such a burden to carry i can hardly take it my friends think i hate them because ive isolated myself my grades are shit and its my senior year of collegei am tired of therapy and different meds it makes no difference but i feel like i have to carry this burden so that others can continue to live the normal lives that i will never have,1
the national suicide hotline just told me to call back in ten minutes seriously i will never call them againthey were there for me exactly as much as everyone else in my life thanks america ,1
amending it all before i turn 15 my family makes me feel worthless my mom confirms it with everything she says to me my sister is constantly praised today my mom pushed me over the edge and basically told me i need to shut up i make everything worse i play games like my dad i shouldve never told her how i thought or told my parents i took too many pills last yeari am in an arts school but whats the use when youre damaged i already have my plan carbon monoxide in the car in the garage is the way to go tbhi ambreaking down rn every time i feel life is getting better everything falls to shit i dont want to have kids wheni amolderi am not thinking about college rn i have no ambitioni am someone that should off myself because natural selection is a thing am i right just getting everything out before i diei amdone love you all goodbye,1
amback yay wow hey i posted here a few weeks ago and today was possibly the worst day of my life i woke up to my parents fighting then to the blood curtling scream of my little sister my dad was gonna hurt my mom bad we got him to leave but now he is giving strangers copies of our keys and he is threatening to hurt us all today he hit me hard i am thinking of killing him then killing myself not gonna go into details as the subreddit says but yeah i cannot handle it anymore life was feeling fine for a week and then the nonexistent god ripped it away tonight i am praying he gets murded in some ally i always knew he was a bad person doing drugs stealing from us and others and always saying disgusting things about my mother in front of us all i i cannot accept someone like him deserves to live and i dont want to ever let him hurt my mom or my family again tonight i sit by the front door with a knife mainly because i am afraid of strangers on drugs coming into our house but also to get revenge on my father who never cared for anyone but himself ,1
i want to die but i have horrible anxiety and my biggest anxiety problem is a fear of death ironic right what is the best painless methodi amthinking of jumping off the gap in sydney as long as i land headfirst it would be instant yeahive already recorded all my goodbyes and i amcompletely ready i just am so afraid of what comes next my health anxiety means i worry about everything killing me even a prick on the leg sends me into a panic attack lmao,1
i cant do anything right quitting is the only optioni am20 years old and it seems like my life is just a constant cycle of trial and failure when i was young i was verbally and physically abused by the family and kids at school my mom died when i was 13 and my dad became a gambling addict the longest ive ever held a job was 8 months most other jobs i quit within a month or less most of the time by not showing up and not calling i had gotten fired from my favorite job for saying i wanted to kill myself to my manager that was 6 months ago nowi ama freshman at a local community college and its not going the way i wanted it to ive never been good with time management i did well in school up until 6th grade then i started failing classes my attendance was horrible and i got in trouble a lot which eventually led to me dropping out now it just feels like the same thing except now my mistakes are costing me money that i dont have i have a 3 page paper to write by tomorrow morning and i only have a quarter of a page written and i have to be at work in an hour i also have to do two pages of algebra homework and write a paragraph about a chapter in my education bookive never been in a relationship the closest ive ever been to one was a really close friendship i had with my boss at my last job a lot of the things she did and said confused the hell out of me and we ended up falling out and i am still devastated by it i can say with almost 100 certainty that i will never be happy no matter how hard i try life finds a way to push me to the ground and kick me wheni amdownit really seems like the only way out is suicidei amterrified of death but i cant go on living like this i wish i could just move and start over but life isnt a movie the only thing i really care about is music but i amnever going to go anywhere with that i really just want to die i honestly may just try to overdose on some pills before work i cant deal with it anymore,1
ive decidedi am going to commit suicide as a 1213 year old yerp hi guys its me the smart ass at least thats what my dadyouth pastor calls me ive made multiple posts here as but that account got banned so after much thinking ive decidedi am going to kill myself the reasons why should be in the link to my main account but the main reasons are my school and my parents steriotypical for a 12 yr old i know i literally have nothing to hold me up any support structure i did have my dad is taking away so i guess this is the end of the road yall my name was lathan armogida i used to love acting sports and my friends when i was 5 i said i would kill myself the day before i turned 13 i didnt really mean it i just didnt want to become a yucky teenager but yet here i am prepping for my 13th birthday on october 1st wanting to die it makes too much sense,1
i just want it all to fucking stop i cant fucking handle this anymorei am worthless and i deserve every day of pain that i experience,1
might be my lucky day todays my 22nd birthday never really put value onto special dates or occasions but it sucks to feel this forgotten got drunk as always to numb myself a bit its not even stress or self loathing what i feel atm just calm af and more than ready to put an end to it all 9th floor oughta do it first and hopefully last post on reddit idk if it is the correct sub but who cares my guts will be spread all over the sidewalk as well as my dignity in less than an hour anw read really interesting stories at this sub hoping yall either find the happiness you think you deserve or get drunk enough to find the courage to end it all i will be ready to go after deciding to call parents or nah,1
overdosed three months ago want to do it again now i overdosed a month ago on painkillers and ended up vomiting up half my stomach it hurt bad i vowed that i never would overdose again but i just feel terrible right now i have no motivation to do anything no nothing right now i feel really empty i have nothing to do and nothing i want to do i always thought id never be depressed id try to stay happyha ha what a joke my family doesnt even care no one cares ,1
ruined my life and his wishing to end it all i guess i will preface this with the fact that i am a 22 year old female i recently got alternatively certified to teach in tx without doing research on the school i accepted a job as a 4th grade teacher in a shit town in south texas called victoria the situation i was placed into was dismal at best everyone on the 4th grade team was new 2 of us first year teachers the other new to the district we were given very little guidance or instruction the job wore at me i couldnt sleep at night i woke up every hour with horrible anxiety 4 months previously i had met the man of my dreams he didnt have it all together but we fell in love fast and hard he had decided to take a job where hed be on the road traveling installing turf his job kept falling through little by little and he wanted to be with me in victoria one friday the overwhelming stress of the job got the best of me and i made the mistake of telling another teacher at the school that of i had a gun i would have already killed myself counselors and interventionist a stepped in and escorted me to a crisis center via cop car shortly there after my boyfriend decided to quit his turfing gig to come be with me thinking hed easily find work which wasnt the case he ended up doing day labor for 1012 an hour but depressed i still was i scored a job as a restaurant manager but through my depression i couldnt think clearly and the job seemed overwhelming and too much as well i ended up realizing i needed professional help and my parents are in a position to help so i called them and i left and went back to the dfw leaving my boyfriend in victoria tx almost broke with no job and no one to help him like i have he took a weed charge for me near san marcos and then got another ticket for driving with an invalid license so he has all this court stuff to go to in south tx and anyone he knows is in north tx i havent felt myself in a long time i feel incredible guilt and shame and resentment towards myself for my inability to keep it together i have suicidal thoughts daily ive lost 10 ppunds from not eating properly worst of all is just knowing that i have essentially ruined not only my own life but his life too when all he ever tried to do was help me and he believed me when i said that id be able to make it and that he should come down and be with me boy was i wrong the regret i feel for the struggle he will face is haunting he will most likely lose everything he has worked for his truck will be repossessed and none of this would have happened if it werent for me ,1
am so alone my friends constantly lie to me they dont want me around they just feel obligated to care because theyre nice people and thats even getting to the point where theyre constantly mad at me because i cant get better ive never had a friend who actually liked to be around me i cant be a burden on everyone anymore i dont want to feel this way i want it all gone i dont want sympathy i just want it over with already i cant live like thisi amscared to kill myself but i want to so bad ,1
wanting to die i am not sure if this makes sense but i want to die because i am constantly frustrated and nothing happens to fix the problems or issues at hand i am always working for hours and end and i try so hard to just do and be i is required of me but if i ever ask something or want something its unfulfilled and i am left high and dry time and time againi am tired of always trying to persist or keep going on i just dont want to live anymorei am angry at myself life and everyone around me,1
my birthday is going to be lame as usual family is coming out to see me either day before or weekend after but it seems more out of a sense of obligation than love idki amsad and not looking forward to it and on top of that i dont feel loved by anyone my only wish my only desire is to have a loving woman there on my birthday whom i can cuddle with and just feel loved for once in my wretched life life if you can even call it that has beaten me down so badly that i just sit at home and dont want to socialize with anyonei amdiabetic asd and crippling anxiety for the anxiety for example there is a woman who broke up with her boyfriend recently but i am too afraid to ask her out i dont know why i am typing this outi am tired and ready to just give up on everything whats left except death i cant stand being alone for so long its eating away at my sanity,1
amwriting my notes to my friends and family this one is for you the strangers who were so kind to me thank you this is goodbye internet i will miss youi amheading into the great dark soon enough i will try to tell you whats on that mysterious other side i will miss you strangers you were always here for me and you were my best friendsi am sorry for doing this to you as well please forgive me and stay strong find your happiness for me i did not mean for this to happen,1
tomorrow or tuesday you know ive posted for awhile i thinki amreadyi amjust looking for a good place to do it id love to do it in downtown los angeles or suicide bridge in pasadena but any place where i can reflect then take my plunge that would be awesome please post places that would be great and the reasons why i dont want to be talked out of it i just want to hear places its going to happen so just shit up and let it happen thanks,1
nothing left to doi amdone let me preface this by sharing that ive struggled with depression or some form of since i was a child at eight i started thinking about suicide not seriously as i was young but old enough to know that it could potentially be a viable option i wont get into the years leading up to this precise moment because thats a very long story but i will say they werent good id reckon its a 5050 of life being an asshole and me being an asshole either way i can count on two hands the happy memories i have of my 25 years being alive i didnt start taking my mental health seriously until a few years ago prior to that i smoked over ate over drank and basically sat on my ass all day with my now ex who wasnt great for me nor i him i couldnt even handle a part time job as the stress was too much i bounced around university programs until i settled on an easy useless degree to appease my familyi amjust trying to paint a picture here so the current picture is thisi ama mental health professionals wet dream i decided i couldnt use my experiences in life as an excuse to be a lazy slob and decided to do something about it from then on ive quit smoking drink minimally eat healthy enough exercise a few times a week have built friendships started new hobbies went into a healthyer relationship see a counsellor am on medication that seems to work quite well for the most part obviously and i practice loving and appreciating myself i have a great relationship with my parent who is letting me house sit so i can pay off my student loans without worrying about rent i have a full time job that is basically data entry and make less than i should for someone with a degree but enough for someone living rent free overall i have a really great life that isnt very stressful and has given me many opportunities i should be appreciative of so why the fuck do i want to kill myself why cant i just be content with my boyfriend my job my life why do i want to cry all the time why do i get upset angry and stressed so easily why do i hate my life i feel guilt about everything i even retroactively remember things that werent bad and turn it into something to ruminate on i am so sick of my constant state of guilt remorse sadness and anxiety i feel like ive done everything i can and i think maybe some people just arent cut out for life i live in constant pain and fear and sadnessi am too tired tired of this roller coaster i know i will be happy again i know there are things to look forward to in life but i also knowi am going to hit the bottom at some point i am so sick of clawing my way back up only to be pushed down i just feel done i dont want to get up anymore ,1
before i go everyday its been everyday since i was 6 years old ive had at least one suicidal thought or action some days its only a quick idea and others take up my whole day i havent been diagnosed with anything yet and nothing traumatic has happened in my life i want to tell someone but i cant theres something in my head that i cant get outi amonly a teenager and i rely on my parents from everything i just dont want them to know because i know that they wouldnt care andor tell me that i need more jesus i fear confrontation because of this i cant tell anyone at my school the few people ive talked to said i should see professional help but i cant for the reasons i said earlieri am trying to push it deep down but for the past year its gotten worse and worse every day i try to have fun with my friends but for a while nowi am not having funi amjust playing video games and trying to sound a tiny bit normal laughing at jokes talking a little howeveri ambecoming tired of acting the same with my family i used to have fun with my siblings nowi amjust there i think my sister forgot what my voice sounded like because i havent talked to them in the longest time i think my parents are seeing that something is wrong they are helping a little my dad is often at work and my mom makes sure i eat and hugs me every so often but i no longer find comfort in those little things everything is dull now food tastes like nothing i hear people instead of listen i even think my color vision is being reduced i no longer can find happiness its only just life my friends joke around and say that i dont have emotions little did they know i no longer have a reason to live i used to care i used to try to get good grades i used to enjoy cooking i used to do a lot of things the key phrase is used to i no longer have motivation in life i dont want to be a quantum physicist my usedtobe dream job i dont want to eat i dont want to get out of bed i dont want to live anymore so i think when i wake up tomorrowi am going to barricade my door with my dresser and hang myself in my closet i just wanted to tell someone where and whyi am going ive only written a letter to my sister and texted my friend about it and my brother found one of my other suicide notes i dont think they quite know the full extent of it though i think at least someone will care on the interneti amno longer afraid ,1
the only thing holding me back is my family i dont think you guys understand this but for a lot of people suicide would have a huge impact on their family my mom told me that she didnt know if she would be able to go on living if i killed myself my dad said about the same thing and thats really the only reason i havent killed myself i dont want my peace to intrude on someone elses happy life both of my parents hate their jobs and are single and kind of lonely though they try not to be so i really feel likei ama quarter of all they have left in this world the other quarters are my siblings ,1
lies that need to stop around here it will get betteryou have so many people that care about youyou can do thiscall the suicide hotline theyll help youyou are importantkeep trying youll find a combination of medstherapy that worksall of these are bullshit and if you post this bullshit or send it to me you better be goddamn ready to back it upanyway i told myself septemberi amkeeping that promise,1
i cannot afford health insurance should i commit suicide i cannot afford rent healthy food and an acceptable standard of living like having a weekend because i have not been allowed a high income by those in charge i have hiv and several other preexisting conditions and absolutely hate my job with a passion what reason is there to live ,1
ive been passively planning my exit the last few years just need to do a brain dump now and get it out therei ama male in his 30s successful healthy people tell me they thinki am doing really well i think almost everyone would be surprised to hear i am thinking about suicide the last few years i have been planning my exit i dont know when exactly i will do it but probably before i turn 40my friends are all married and having children i am meanwhile trudging along trying to make new friends and stay involved in something outside of work i go to the gym a lot i read i have hobbies i travel i even moved across the country i can improve lots of things about my life i am a proud person and i am not helpless still i have no close friends that understand me and want to hear about what i am going through if i even hint at being depressed i get the old chin up tough guy or people just stop calling i also have very bad relationships with my family i have one sibling and we will probably never speak again not close with my parents i had one serious girlfriend but we broke up years ago and i have not tried a serious relationship since then lots of flings and short term dating but nothing serious and i dont think i could ever be in a relationship againi just cannot fathom a reason to keep living other than sheer momentum and the will to live i rarely experience any joy i just work either at my actual job or on hobbies and side projects i am constantly working the thing is i like working it gives me a purpose otherwise i feel like life is pointless i have to make something out of my life what else is there to do when you are my age dating is like torture to me everyone i meet on a dating site is just looking for someone to buy them dinner and drinks and show them a good time i feel objectified and i never feel a connection sex is meaningless sensory stimulation i enjoy it on a primal level but it leaves me feeling empty the only thing i can offer women is sex or the superficial stability that women in their 30s want basically to have a house and a car the trappings of a successful life but that isnt what i want i want to live a real life i want somebody who likes books and doesnt care about bullshit i have almost completely given up on women at this pointi am tired of getting burned and i dont want to date anyone i dont have a connection withmy sole hope in life is to somehow make that connection otherwise i think i am doomed to a life of working and striving for no reason for decades and decades until i am too old to work and i become useless i can keep plucking away at some of my goals for the rest of my life and maybe make some casual acquaintances friendly neighbors etc but am i so crazy to think this isnt good enough what is the point of becoming really smart and strong and talented and wealthy and amazing if there is no one else around and its just you in a room alonei dont want that to happen to me so i have started planning my exit i dont feel happy about this but it seems like the only way to have dignity in the rest of my life i dont want to be around for those decades alone it will be torture i am going to give myself another 56 years and make sure i have my ducks in a row so i can exit early if it seems like nothing is going to happenthe worst part is i cant tell anyone about this because i will be insulted and have them tell mei ambeing a selfish cunt or thati amjust being dark for even thinking about giving up my perfect life nobody understands i am completely alone in this world and it looks like i always will bethank you for letting me get that off my chest,1
my life changed in the exact way i wanted it to be and i amjust as depressed as before i have friends that care about me i go out and do things i drink i party i have sex theres a girl thats into mei amat a great college and i amjust as depressed as when i would sit alone in my room a friendless virgin wishing he had a lifei just want to feel happy i want to feel anything partying doesnt make me happy anymore i have no motivation to work on the things i should be passionate aboutim still not happy i still feel empty i want to drop out of school and wheni am in class i barely pay attentionwhats the point of living if i just feel garbage all the time anyway i enjoy nothingi ama fucking black hole,1
i am honestly unsure of how long i can continue hey guys first time posting here so if i am doing something wrong apologies in advance i am fed up i am 23 years old and i feel completely alone like i have friends all 2 of them and a family that i love but no matter what i feel alone i am 23 years old and i have 0 relationship experiance i havent even kissed a girl large part of this stems from me being overweight i have been working out for a year now and am down 30ish pounds but got a looong way to go i am currently overwhelmed with school as i am pursuing an msa and studying for the cpa exam at the same time all for a career i have 0 passion for i really like this girl at work like when i talk to her its simple all my fucked up thoughts and issues go away but we rarely see each other at work and this past summer i tried hanging out with her outside of it even as friends but despite seemingly wanting to go her boyfriend did not let her so i got ghosted we talk but the more i talk to her the more i like her which sucks because i know when i quit next year we will never talk again it sucks talking to this person that you know in a year they will not even remember you its all over the place i realize that and i am sorry but i just got to get this off my chest,1
i am so afraid of women that i should take my own life when i seal myself in my room to protect my socially anxious self from the judgements of my peers i hear the voices of my roommates girlfriends and i amparalyzed in fear and depression i get so upset that i cant see a way to escape the feeling besides killing myself i am a bad person and i dont think that anyone would want to relate with me i am terribly introverted and i have failed to live the life i thought i would live after 3 years of suicidal depression and social anxietymy roommates bought a knife set for the apartmenti amthinking about running one across my neck while they sleep,1
things reddit keeps deleting my posts because of misclicks i had a lot of things that make me suicidal but my mental frame is so broken that if i got a wrong reply on a post where i say those things i would have probably hurt myself the one thing i would have talked about no one replied or liked so whatever i yell into the void nowit is so late and i cant sleep because i want to kill myself yet again i wish i can go back in time and tell myself misery is better than loneliness so you better keep this friendship because you will not be able to have another friend again i wish i can stay home and watch tv all day and never worry about people no replying with just same,1
bummed after finding out sleeping pills are a bad idea ive just read a bunch of posts about sleeping pills pills in general being a really bad way to go the chances of causing death are almost nothing and i could end up with liver failure kinda happy but also annoyed at the same timei am too pussy to try a more lethal method guess that means that i want to live,1
years long depression abusing substances atm anyone able to chat hi whoever is reading thisafter a very traumatizing event earlier today ive found myself depressed alone and frankly unwilling to live anymorei am21 years old and have been an emotional and very flawed rollercoaster of hurting and getting hurt for the past 7 years after the final straw today i decided to test myselfi amheavily drugged up to the point thati ampretty certain i will either wont wake up or wake up to an event that will cause me to end it right then and there the goal of the test was to prove to myself whether id be able to go through with it or would some how find something to keep me going on this road to recovery with far too many setbacksive contacted the national hotline but they have told me they can only advise me so much because of the time they have more people available at 8 am which is in a little more than 3 hoursfact isi amvery unsure whether i will survive this long with just my music and fading conciousness anyone willing to listen to the story for a bit it doesnt matter if you care or not ,1
suicide notei am sorry happiness it doesnt seem possible trust me i know people have it so much worse than i do but i amalso not as strong as other people i think about killing myself everyday and its gonna happen soon i cut myself today over 30 times as well i hope that the burning feeling will take away how numb i feel i sob so hard that i cant hear myself anymore i genuinly feel numb i cant feel sadness anymore i cant feel anything i want to just scream scream until my voice leaves me completely scream until everyone whos hurt me knows how badly theyve hurt meconsider this my suicide noteside note sorry for anything that isnt spelled correctlyi amtyping quite fastkylie thank you for being so easy on me when you let me go i still love you i think about you everyday please find someone who treats you better than i ever could you deserve so much in life youre so talented so beautiful you have so much potential please dont be sad about my passingi amhappy nowaaron i bet you didnt exspect this i wanted to thank you for so many smiles when i was low sadly wheni am doing this its 1221am your time so you couldnt make me happy since youre asleep i love you thank you for sticking by me through everyything alexis did to you thank you for trusting me kindaluke oh where do i start with you this is mostly your fault after you broke my heart into a million peices after you chose it over me thats when i really made the decision to do this you ruined me fuck you i hope you get everything you deserve just yesterday i went to where you work i heard your voice an saw your beautiful smile i broke down i know you saw it all you did was smile more fuck you fuck you fuck youcarlos what you did was my breaking point you didnt really know though you just left me to watch anime with your friend and thats what upset mei am sorry ifi amover dramatic but i love you mom and sissy i gave you both hints that i was gonna do this but nobody acted fast enoughi am sorry i love youdad fuck you max i know you need me i need you as well but you dont understand my depression well enough to helpi am sorry i love youdanny i know youll never see this i really do but you are the only reason i stuck around for as long as i did you are my only sorce of real smiles and joyful laughs you and he rest of the grumps mean everything to me i would do anthing for you but sadly i cant anymore you told me to not do this you told me to stay alive and i am not listiningi am so sorry dannyi am so sorryi am trying but its not working i love you to the moon and backthis is farewelli am sorry goodbye ,1
fought with parents who were never supportive as they believed they were and nowi am going to kill myself heyi wanted to kill myself for about 7 years nowi am17 btw its was mostly family stuff i didnt have a horrible childhood its just that i got shit for everything i did good or bad get bs is this all you can do get as its about timeyou know i got a 1440 on the august sat and i get shit for howi am not going to a single college because my specs are garbage and i am not greatful for anything they do blah blah they took everything from me so yea i will probably slit my wrists or try to stab myself in the heart just end my suffering please i can now see why people get depressed and suicidal because of their families now i see,1
i have nothing why shouldnt i end it,1
i wont escape the horror until i die if theres anyone out there in this worthless fucking universe could you please help me if not i will take it as confirmation of the hopelessness of my situationi ama 19 year old guy,1
fuck it nothing will change when i die,1
where do i go to talk to someone i feel like i need to talk to someone but i dont want to worry about saying the wrong thing and getting forced into a mental hospital getting the police involved or anything like that i want to keep it confidential where do i go,1
soi ampretty sure i should start taking meds i cant stop thinking about killing myself lately i think about it every day i cant remember the last time i was genuinely happy actually thats a lie i think the last time i felt real happiness was walking through yosemite its a beautiful placeanyways i want to die but i cant pinpoint why i can think of many things in my life that kind of suck but theyre not the justification i just want to dieim not sure how at risk i am of doing anything little things set me off a passiveaggressive comment from a coworker will make me daydream about doing it i dont feel sad about iti amat peace with these thoughts i know that if it happens i will do it by jumping seven stories and landing horizontally headfirst or in a cannonball position it sounds so freeing as i walk to work i note the buildings that meet the height requirementwill these thoughts manifest into actions am i suicidal or do i just think i am i should speak with a professional,1
the tragic story of my life i m aboriginal grew up in a good home my senior year of high school i got bullied immensely my ex cheated on me she got with the guy she cheated on me with i eventually got over all of that figured shit happens in life so whatever learn while you re young right well it seems like i ll die young now i started drinking a lot and then it became a suppressant for my problems here i am few years later feeling fucking sick because i drank a lot last night yet i m still gonna take the test maybe i have some sort of will to push on although i will be drinking again tonight either in celebration of feeling like i did well on the test or depressed because it didn t go welli m afraid that if it don t go well i ll leave this world tonight was i ever cut out for life these are questions we ask ourselves in times of need i ve become a mess ,1
amsick of everything and i amending it tonighti amsick of being a worthless disappointment to everyone i knowi amsick of causing problems for everybody through my own stupidity carelessness and selfishness i hate myself for it more than ive ever hated anybody else ive been taking citalopram 20mg antidepressants but they dont do anything ive got a pack of 13 tablets and there are about 8 paracetamols in the cabinet downstairs that should be enough for an overdose right ,1
being sick makes me suicidal again earlier this year i discovered smoking pot makes me not suicidal i tried therapy and medication for years but all it ever did was make me even more anxious and depressed pot is so much cheaper and helps get me through the day i dont even smoke daily id say maybe 5 times in a 2 week period it helps keep me happier lets me function at work better and its pretty awesome cleaning the house and cooking healthy food while stonedexcept ive had a bad coldsinus issue for a month now i dont have health insurance or money for a doctor even if i did doctors give me such bad anxiety i become suicidal just thinking about having to go to one same reason i avoid therapists my phobia is pretty bad i havent been able to smoke while ive been sick it really bothers my sinuses that plus the doctor anxiety meansi amready to go through all of my craft supplies to find something to hang myself withi just want to not be sick anymore i cant afford this i already have issues due to all the abuse i went through as a kid and how my finances are in the toilet if i cant forget my problems for awhile then i want out of this life this world we live in is quickly going to collapse anyway with the economy environment and so on,1
just bought enough to end iti am so tired of doing this i just bought the stuff to end iti am so done ive struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life and i amjust done i want to go to sleep and never wake up i keep reaching out silently hoping someone will notice and it will get better but i know at this point it wonti amplanning to od on tuesday i know i have enough this time i cant stop feeling like this and its not worth living ifi amonly going to be stuck in my head forever alone,1
fuck grade 10 i have had a very shitty day first theres a guy in my science class who was talking shit to me calling me a fagquear i called him a druggyi am not totally against drugs as i smoke weed but he does hard shit he got out of his seat and wanted to hit me but teacher caught him so i laughed it off i went to gym class and me and my bestfriend started playing around poking each other in the ribs laughing he went all bipolar hes not actually bipolar and slammed me into the wall i was like dude chill i thought we are playing around i went to drawkick the soccer ball and guess who gets hit him he punched me in ny face now my lip is puffy sliced and bleeding i then smoked him in the face 2 or 3 times and kicked him in the nuts he then layed off i was told to go to the office i was so furious i punched a locker we talk to the principal neither are in trouble i went home so angry i put 14 holes in my walls smashed my dresser took a knife stabbed my walls dresser chair everything screaming keep in mind i never get madi ama chill loveable guy till my knife broke i went full crazy slicing my armsi am so mad 3 hours lateri am still angry and smashing stuff i m depressed he gave me a bloody lip and all i did was hit him i always thought i could fight all i hear is looseri ammy head i feel like the cash me outside chicki amworried about tomorrow will everyone be nice to me does the girl i love thinki ama looser i dread tomorrowi ammost likely gonna fight the guy in my science class tomorrow god i hope people will help me,1
anybodys parents died reaching the eve of the anniversary of my moms death and i amhaving a really hard time anybody have an advice or an encouragement i could really use some help,1
please someone talk to me help i have tried everything been in four psych wards 15 different medications therapist weed meditationi cant do this anymorei amblowing up constantly on my so on my 6 month old and three year old because i am so fucking depressed and i want to die every single daymy so says hes worried about me but i know he doesnt know how to help idk how to help myself please someone tell me something worth living,1
i cant take it anymorei amout its been over 8 months since my girlfriend left me after our time together where she constantly abused me mentally and physically i still love her despite all of that after she left she made some new friends and either they brainwashed her or she brainwashed them because nowi amthe bad guyall i want is for her to come back because she was the love of my life and i know she was i will and thats why she acted like she did but that will never happen so i will keep suffering like i have been soi amjust gonna end it all because its not worth it if i cant be with her i rather die,1
amemotionally drained by helping a friend i had to rewrite this post as she probably lurks in this subreddit and would know who i amlong story short ive been helping someone for about 4 years on and off about her suicide obviously convincing her not to do it franklyi ampretty emotionally drained and tired from all of this because she doesnt learn from her mistakes what can i do ,1
th th thats all folks well this is it yall i dont ever see myself being happy farewell redditors just know its been one hell of a ride,1
am not at a good place right now and i want out forgive me for bad punctuation but anywaysi ama 24 year old lost and broken soul off the bat i will sayi ama 100 loser and a fuck up how the hell did i let my life get to be this way ive achieved absolutely nothing except becoming a felon before the age of 20 and have all my rights taken away i got 7 felonies from 1 crime at 19 years old 3x grand larceny statutory burglary conspiracy obtaining money under false pretense and possession of a burglary tool my foot i plead guilty to all of it i did a little time for it in there i realized this does not define me at all i finished my short tenure and was released i had no idea what i was in store for i became homeless jump ahead 5 years i am still homeless since my release i still owe restitution and just cant afford to pay it payment plan or not and this unfortunately is preventing me from owning a drivers license and a car yes these are only materialistic things but in our society and especially you need wheels ive had 16 18 year olds coming up to me asking me what kind if car do i drive i feel like total loser telling them well actually ive never had a car i cant even date because most women like a guy with a car and money and confidence and a future i went to college real brief and ending up flunking out i jumped the gun on something i wasnt fully prepared for finding a job with no experience as a convicted felon forget about it ive been nothing more then a total disappointment and a failure and thats all i will ever bei amjust a statistic and pretty sooni amgonna become a statistic for something else suicide in felons you can call me a coward or tell me itll get better or say never give up but its already too late thanks for those of you who actually read this and goodbye ,1
came very close today i just needed somewhere to get this all out today i dont think it helps to keep everything bottled up so this seems like a safe place long story short and to be blunt i almost slit my wrists today i dont even know whati amcapable of anymore and its terrifying everything is slowly going to shit i cant afford a math access code for my college class right now soi amfailing homework assignments i got a 49 on my math test yesterday what kind of idiot gets that low of a grade on a college algebra testi amfucking pathetic i dont even try anymore i used to work hard and get straight as but now i wont even put forth a little effort this probably already screwed up my gpa and proved my stupidity enough to ensure that i cant get myself into medical school ive been depressed for the past 3 years of hs and college is just making it 20 times worse my family has no clue about my depression they never have i cant tell them i really cant my mom and brother both have bipolar and my mom is always telling me how glad she is that at least one of her children isnt struggling with such things and it would really bring her down ive always been the one to have their shit togetheri amalways the one smiling and making everyone laugh but right now i cant even put that mask on i just want everything to stop its so freaking overwhelming right now and i cant do it i cant do any of it id absolutely love to feel my life end and pick up a razor again but i cant because it will destroy my family i dont know i guessi amjust looking for someone to honestly tell me that it isnt the end of the world but right now i cant see how any of this will get better,1
theres a reasoni amstuck in my room without help because if i try to get help if i tell anyine howi amsitting here with a razor ready to kill myself and that i need help i will just get stuck locked up in a room for 3 days while nobody does anything to help me and then theyll charge me 2500 for the inconvenienceits fucking pathetic the hotline is useless ive called it before if youre not immediately in danger of killing yourself they end the call if you are theyre not interested in talking just asking me wherei amlocated and trying to call the cops on methere is no help,1
i have never wanted to kill myself more than in the past few weeksi am not the person to usually have suicidal thoughts although i am fucking depressed and a total wreck but the past couple of weeks are making me have the worst urgesim in college and ive been a fucking failure ive been studying longer than my peers it is getting better but recently i started failing exam after exam and it is breaking my spirit because i study for hours every day yet get little result and then when i say i failed they ask well whose fault is that its fucking mine do you need me to spell it outon top of that my parents fight like almost daily it isnt physical as much as it is mentally draining and abusive arguing fights every day then each complaining about other side to me and making me into a mental trashcan my only fall back used to be my grandmother but even she recently started putting problems on me because of my insane motheron top of that i am eating pounds of candy to artificially keep my mood somewhat sane and give me happiness for a short period as i study but i worry about getting fat again because i used to be obese i am also paranoid about getting diabetes because i am eating insane amount of sweetson top of that my parents wont leave me alone i just had a huge nervous breakdown when my father kept pushing me for the results of my exam that i dont have i tell him that i dont know that it could go either way fail or pass he pushes keeps accusing me of lying then i lie telling him how i failed and then he keeps pushing and asking more even when i tell him to please leave me alone if i would lock myself hed threaten to break down the door like he did beforeon top of that i have to get up early tomorrow to get ready for another exam after todays one but i cant because it doesnt matter that i got all nice and calm brushed my teeth and masturbated i had a massive nervous breakdown and now i struggle to go to sleep peacefullyon top of that i have no one to turn to and talk to after all this my mother is selfish and when i did choose to turn to her and talk she told me this whole thing is going to give her a heart attack self centered and trying to emotionally manipulate me into worrying tries to turn me even further against my father and showed desire to get away from mestop talking by forcibly ending the conversation when she was comfortable not meon top of that i cant go to kitchen to get sweets to calm my nerves because my father is there and i know he is a piece of shit that cant shut up and resolve some things later which will turn me into an even shittier moodi really want to kill myself right now i really do i wouldnt even have second thoughts about my parents like some of you because theyre pieces of shit and i dont care about ruining their lives but i wont i want to live and have the life i dream of and i know that it is possible i just wanted to pour my heart out to anyone who wants to readlisten because i want to not feel like a mental trashcan for a day thanks,1
today wasnt different last night i wrote a post about how i wanted today to be differenthow i wanted to actually do things and not be miserable it was the same sort of day ive had for the last ten years i hate my life and cant get out,1
i wish i had a gun i would love to blow my brains out right now i dont want to commit suicide and then not have it be successful i hate this life i really really want to die whats going on,1
my ed is too much for me to handle i just cant carry on anymorei thought i was doing okay that i had my bpd depression and anxiety under control but my eating disorder is back and i just feel so gross i want to kill myself over something so stupid as my looks its stupid but is real i want to finish everything over my fucking weightim stupid and better off dead,1
what i cant say anywhere else i feel likei amjust waiting to die likei amjust passing time in this pointless unfair cruel life being constantly assaulted by my brain and its fucked up chemistry and the constant pain in my chest begging for death always hurting even when i take my medicine and dont actively want to kill myselfi dont care about anything anymore i dont care if i die without leaving my mark i hate this world with a burning passion and just want to leave without tainting it further i never asked to be here my parents were so selfish to yank me into existence and force me to live the lives they couldnt not even caring about meevery time i say anything about how i want to be dead people instantly shut me downi am not valid they want the drugged medicated version of me who doesnt talk about dying and who doesnt cry all the time at my besti ama bitter sarcastic cynic its so cruel to be forced to live and that everyone except me is encouraged to be themselves while i have to pretend to be ok just so i dont make everyone around me even 11000000000th of my daily level of discomfort and pain,1
update from yesterday 16yearold with schizophrenia hey first off thank you all for taking the time to help me out yesterday the advice you guys gave me was needed you probably saved me from myself too as i would have more than likely killed myself during the nighti amforever in your debts update okay i contacted the school administration and reported what my friend had done to me exposed and mocked me openly in front of the school for being diagnosed with schizophrenia everyone from school who gave me death threats or bullied me online is suspended for the week yay also this morning i saw my doctor and i amon the appropriate medication that i should be taking i will start therapy today and i amhopeful that i can move forward from all of thisbut again thank you all for being amazing people this community saved my life last nightlink to yesterdays post ,1
who else feels like theyre only still living to spare the feelings of their family members theres nothing in my life worth living for anymore everything and everyone who brought any join into my life is gonei amdisabled in poor health i suffer abuse on a daily basis and i feel totally alone in this world it would be a relief to be able to just stop existing the only thing preventing me is the fact that i have 1 or 2 family members who i feel would be deeply affected if i were to check out on them so i suffer through each day more alone then the last in order to spare their feelings anyone else in a similar situation,1
i cant believe this is my life i cant suffer forever i will need to eventually do this i will need to eventually kill myself i still cant believe this is what my life has come to you only get 2 hands 2 feet 2 eyes 2 arms 1 life its not fair its unforgiving you get one life if something ruins it thats it youre life is over i never thought id be the girl who would ever have to kill herself now thati amat this point its just surreal i cant believe this is my life,1
if i killed myself on a monday my boyfriend wouldnt realize it until friday ive been having intense suicidal thoughts and imagining how people at work and how my friends and parents would react upon finding out i killed myself i spend a lot of time crying at work hoping no one will noticei am going insane quietly chanting i wish i was dead at times wheneveri amdriving or walking down the streeti amsecretly hoping someone will hit me but only hit me hard enough to kill me i dont want to be alive with a debilitating injury to make my life even worsei ameven imagining what i would do before finally pulling the plug ive been thinking about creating my perfect day go home to see my parents and my best friends that i rarely get to see since i moved away for my shitty dreamcrushing job go out to my favorite restaurants plan my last meals but if my friends are too busy with their successful lives to hang out i might just stay where i am go to red lobster by myself and get fattened up then kill myself before the calories can absorb into my body since i only see my boyfriend on the weekends and he rarely texts me at all i can kill myself on a monday that way i at least didnt work the whole week for nothing and he wouldnt even notice something wrong until friday wheni am not rolling up to his house maybe hed try to call me but there wouldnt be an answer,1
goodbye only 30 mins until i will be alone in my apartment and be free at last thanks for all of your help but it wasnt enough goodbye,1
less empathy for scary mental i willnesses ive noticed that the majority of sympathy towards those with mental i willness is almost always geared towards those with mild depression andor anxiety as opposed to those with chronic depression chronic suicidal thoughts treatmentresistant depression schizophrenia bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder whilei amby no means saying that depression and anxiety are laughing matters i am sick and tired of people with mild easilytreatable symptoms being treated as the standard as if they have any idea what the rest of us go throughtake selfharm for example if you have a few light cat scratches on your arm people will have much more empathy for you than the boy who breaks his bones or bangs his head on the wall or burns himself with cigarettes feel sad because you cant get a job have a little empathy hear voices see things that arent there always angry youre difficult youre a burden youre an emotional vampire youre an energetic drain youre a toxic person beyond helping feel a little bit anxious here have a bit of empathy cant leave the house because you feel like youre dying cant keep a job because social interactions makei am so sick and tired of people with situational depression who are magically cured almost fullyfunctioning members of society trying to tell people like me why we shouldnt die no one wants to be around someone who wants to kill themselves everyday no one likes it when youre clingy and have mood swings and have to be babysat everyday to make sure you dont off yourself i struggle from an eating disorder i make cuts in my skini amalways suicidal amglad you went to a mental hospital and realized that all your problems could be fixed by mine arent my problems rule my life and theyre something i will struggle with forever they color every part of my life there are much less resources for people like me and i will never be apart of the conversation on mental i willness because everyone would feel better if people like me didnt exist to begin withim a burden on everyone around me,1
what is mental health i dont mean that literally but it kind of plays into how i feel i feel like my mental health has completely deteriorated i think i suffered from clinical depression anxiety low selfesteem loneliness and avoidant personality since age 11 and until after high school i feel like this has left me horribly developmentally stunted i feel like my entire life has been one large distraction from life itself having spent nearly all of my free time playing videogames and watching television that did absolutely nothing to improve who i was in any way i think i only ever swam in my youth swam usa club teams for 7 years was because the endorphin release it provided was merely another means to escape feelings of anger boredom loneliness depression and inferiority i kept sacrificing so much of my time towards it because of the escape the only reason i gave a shit about my times or stoke technique was because it helped me feel superior to other people but dont mistake me here i didnt flaunt my in the grand scheme of things unimpressive swimming abilities in peoples faces i just quietly basked in the glory that came from being better at something than most people despite also not being very good in the world of people who took swimming seriously i never had any solid interests in anything important growing up i still dont really but being an adult forces you to semicare about the important things things that i not once ever seriously considered like who i am what my role in society is whati amgood at where i need to improve what the road to succeess looks like what path i should take in my life etc i always coasted along on this strange unjustifiable feeling that i was great and deserved great things in an almost narcissistic way i lived constantly in fantasy and daydreams of accomplishing whatever i wanted to at the time but never actually did anything to get there because from an incredibly young age probably starting in elementary school i always felt inferior and i never resolved these issues because i never felt comfortable talking to anyone like my parents about these internal struggles from the day i was born i never vocalized my feelings of inferiority which i think is partly because of shame but also not thinking anything of if why idk i blame it on myself for being a dumb kid who never learned how to communicate these things and still dont to this day because it would be plain inappropriate to share these things with a fellow adult who isnt a shrink that i cant afford i could talk to my parents but i have and let me assure they are far far from able to provide me any solace my mom is 52 and faces issues that fall in line with early dementia and has too many complicated emotional issues of her own to ever be able to help me my father is 61 suffered a stroke deeply effecting his ability to properly socialize and also suffers from depression and low selfesteem he actually went to the hospital for suicidal ideation this summer anywaysi am so tired i cany fucking finish this post and say all i wanna say but fuck i want to jump off the harry nice bridge so fucking bad the only word i can use to accurately describe myself is broken and as you can see that just barely scratches the surface id like to go into how becoming more aware of this brokenness in highschool lead to a weed habit that sabotaged pretty much every shot at success i had to this very day and how that just provided a nicer escape with the added bonus of but a semblance of a social life that i was and still am so desperate to have the ultimate escape just seems too appealing at this point ,1
goodbye message i wanted to say goodbye to all the people who were kind and good to mei want to thank my parents who even after my continuous disappointments talked to me and cheered mebut i dont think i can take it anymore goodbyei quit,1
when those suicidal thoughts hit some information about me i am 20 years old and i recently transferred to a new school i am a junior and i have social anxiety this past month has been hard i legit do not have friends i haven t made any and i dont see any on the horizon i come from a big family and i had a very large group of friends at my old school i legit go to class and then go back to my apartment because i just feel uncomfortable being out alone i live alone and the only thing i can think about is how easy it would be to just stop it feels like no one except maybe my mom would even notice i just feel so lonely and depressed and i just want to end it ,1
least painful method of deathi ampretty convinced that carbon monoxide is the best way to go legally anyway can any people whove attempted it this way give me any insight,1
i think i should kill myself i dont know what doi am in a terribly ambiguous situation okay so earlier in the year i posted a question on reddit about how i was planning on killing myself because i masturbated while my roommate was sleeping everyone was really nice and told me not to do it so i didnt and i deleted the question however when i deleted the question it still kept my responses to comments from people who commented on my original post and it kept the comments that i replied to weeks after i posted my suicidal question i posted another question about how i was struggling with my friends i had my phone screen facing up on a table when i was talking with my friends and when i got a response from someone it had the username of the commenter as a push notification on my phone it appeared on my screeni have ocd and i was worried that my friend saw the username looked up the user and looked up the users comments on my posti amalso worried that my friend saw my suicidal post and my response to what the commenters said and the commenters postswhy i am worried is because the stuff the commenters said said things like dont worry about it man i had sex with my girlfriend while my cousin was passed out on the next bed youre normal and ive done what you done before i still feel like a terrible person and a pervert but you were pushed by youre desire to procreatei amworried my friends know what i did or think i did something terrible and extremely perverted what should i doi amthinking i could kill myself to stop living in all this pain and mystery my friends have still occasionally talked to me this summer only about twice but i kinda dont want to be friends with them because theyre hypermasculine and not very inclusive,1
i wake up in the morning really disappointed thati am still here pretty sure its never going to get better i literally dont see how it would be and even if it doesi am still all alone so whats the damn point ,1
i physically cant cry anymore i dont have the motivation to talk to anyone about anything anymore i just feel dead and broken and i just want my life to be over i just make everyone i love and care about hate me because they should they just fucking shouldi amjust judgmental and needy and clingy and self centered i try to make other people happy but i just end up talking about my own problems instead of helping other people which is all i wanted to do in the first placei ama miserable pathetic excuse for a human being and i deserve death in every single way ,1
sucidal thoughts are on my mind so often hi everyone first of all i would like to say thank you to everyone who is in this community to help others thats something the world needs and i really appreciatei dont know what to do with my life anymore today i received another bad news schoolrelated but it really doesnt matter that made me think once again of suicide lately ive been thinking of it literally everyday even for just a few minutes a day or sometimes a whole hour i like the idea of letting everything go and being truely free but i dont want to be this selfishdying is a common thought in my mind and i find this so sick how can someone think about death so often and enjoy the thought needless to say i dont like my life luckilyi am not disabled and i dont have particular mental problems or at least not thati amaware of i have a girlfriend and a mother who loves me these last two are the only reasons of whyi am not leaving this world i live day by day trying to be grateful of what i already have but this is not the life i want to have and it feels so bad to accept everything instead of having more i love my mother and my girlfriend shes also aware of my problem but never been able to help never seen a doctor either but i am not willing to i hate everyone else i hate my family and the few friends i have its surely because of me we have to work on ourselves before blaming on others and i did but its not my fault if the world is so crueli am tired of all the awful things that happen on a daily basis not just directly to meim agnostic and i believe there is a god i always needed some sort of connection with it but the only thing i had ever was a dream of around two years ago in that dream i saw god whos not a specific entity its everyone and everywhere and a kind of love ive never felt before i felt the peace of me and everyone in the universe that dream for me was what there is after death pure inconditional love with no past present or future during years i understood that love heals ive been having suicidal thoughts since several years not at all with this intensity though and something that always helped me was meditation my kind of meditation at least smoking also helped now everything seems just pointless i belong here if i am and so do you but whats the point of living a sad life in a world ruled by evil the only thing ive ever asked for was complete peace of mind and i pretty much never had it lord knowsi never visualize my future when i do i just imagine what could happen but i just dont knowi am not even sure if i will still be living ive always been unsure about my future since i can remember and thats something i find pretty weird because most of people has a pretty clear vision of what i want to do in life but i do not i dont expect to receive help or answers here i just wanted to share my little story thanks to all of the people who spend time reading this subreddit and helping each other of course thats my opinion but it was like i was dead in that dream and everything was just fine ive never felt anything like that before nor after ,1
i am not depressed anymore i just dont have what it take to be alive i m 29 years i live with my parents house with my son and her mother she is going to graduate in february is when i will commit suicide i lived with depression for 10 years 5 of them going to psychiatrist and take meds but i stopped because they were not helping and was wasting money now i am not depressed anymore is that nothing make me happy can t find joy or anything and i m tire of faking around my familythe worst of all is that i don t want to work i just want to do nothing i just want the quit embrace of death because if i live i have to make money but i don t want my parents keep paying to keep me aliveeditnot the day of her graduation after february i already wait 10 years whats a couple of months more,1
locked in mental hospital ive been sanctioned for 6 months and i amforced to take meds every day which have horrible side effects this place stinks of piss and they strap me to a bedi amcrying so much please helpi am not allowed out of the building apart from 2hours a week,1
i cant do this anymore life is so tiring i hate feeling sad all of the time i hate feeling like garbagei am trying so hard to fight off this feeling of looming dread that hovers over me 247 but my endurance is waningi am going to be alone for the rest of my life if i dont just end it now ,1
i dont thinki amgonna kill myself but i wish i could die in a way that wouldnt make my few family and friends feel sad about me i dont feel worthy of killing myself ive always had people surrounding me a loving mother and brother a few good friends and nothing traumatic has happened to me before but for a while now ive felt the feeling that i would rather be nonexistent or dead i have multiple suicide notes addressed to many people in my life but i feel that if i actually do it i will still cause them a lot of traumatic harm i just dont know what to do with myself i feel like if i died of natural causes then it would be perfect like a car crash or something i have a friend who is also at risk and i feel that if i did it then i would be selfish towards her ive only now started trying to get myself help and its my first post here after lurking for a whilei am going to see a councilor soon and see if they can help,1
am sorry i couldnt help you i work in a night club and tonight a gentleman came in who looked very frantic and on edge i chatted with him for a while and it became apparent that hes a massive overthinker and very logical he started talking about how he has tried to kill himself and how hes going to try again when he gets home i understand ive been there so many times but it really hurt to see someone so determined and ready to die he shared with me how hes going to do it and i tried to talk him out of it everything i said didnt make a difference though he appreciated the time i took into talking with him but he was ready to leave he said he just wanted the noises to stop i told him to remember the good things in life and try to take something positive away in our chat but he gave a small salute goodbye to me and lefti am sorry i couldnt help you tonight i hope you come in next week and tonight wasnt the first and last time i hear from you you deserve so much better and i wish i could make the noises stop so you can sleep easy i hope youre okayedit if by some miracle that you read this please know that theres a strange girl out there that does care about you and i sincerely hope i hear from you again,1
burst of energy after suicide attempt so a week ago i had one of those bad days ended up cutting myself for the first time and tried to strangle myself with a scarf i know really stupid method but thats not the pointafter i ripped the scarf of my neck and the color returned to my face i had this sudden burst of energy and i actually felt better idk it was so weird adrenaline kicked in or endorphins released from cuttingbtwi amback to feeling like shit a week after,1
ama fucking messi amjust fucking depressed i dont understand why the fuck i cant wake up in the morning everything i do to help leads me back to the same place i hate my job i hate living at home and i feel trapped i dont know what to doedit seeing all the unanswered posts under new is really depressing in itself,1
shit when i was 17 i attempted suicide by running a hose from the exhaust pipe of my friends dads van into the drivers side window the van over heated and i walked home but i cant help thinking that maybe it didnt over heat and the reason my life has gotten aggressively worse since that day is because i died and i amnow in hell for committing suicide,1
ending this chapter tomorrow ive had a pretty good life here i havent been abused cheated blackmailed or anything like that i just feel like leaving this thought has sat in the back of my mind for yearsall of my problems have been rooted from myself i have shit social skills and i amlazy i confirmed this decision today the reason is i just dont see a future in me i will probably just struggle through school land some mediocre job and die so why not just cut to the chase wheni amdead all the shit that happened in the life before me will be forgotten and i will be nothing a thousand years will go by and all of this right now wont matteri am not haunted by this being my last time i will sleep and experience the world because wheni amdead nothing will matteri will update tomorrow and if something changes my mind i will let you know,1
never thought id write here i subscribed to this subreddit not too long ago just to read other peoples stories but never did i think that i would be the one telling the story here goessoi amcurrently an 18yearold studenti amusually very carefree and independent and stuff but lately ive lost interest in stuff and have had pretty low moods i have friends a lot of money rich grandparents and my life is going good nothing to complain about just for some reason i feel very down and demotivated now been that way for a while now to be honest but never have it gotten out of hand until today me and my friends like to joke about pretty much everything we have no filter expect for when we are in public we are not rude and i think thats good we have a lot of fun today i actually thought of suicide and that made me think that i may need some helpi amthinking that me behaving all careless and independent is not good for me but the opposite a few of my friends are currently in a relationship and i guess i get a bit jealous of them i might just be in need of a girlfriend andor comfort i would never probably harm myself or take it to the extremei amthe youngest of 4 siblings and i know my siblings love me a lot i couldnt bring my self to harming them by harming my self i am not really sure what i expect from you guys after reading this post just some thoughts i guess maybe some one can find help from this in maybe realizing that they are in need of comfort as well even though they act hard thanks for reading feels good to put it out there sorry if the wording is bad or the post is just stupid,1
i wonder if he would give a shit if i killed myselfi ambasically already dead to himi am going through a horrible breakup hes already seeing someone else doesnt talk to me never tried to reach out to me after the breakup he doesnt want me he told me he wanted to marry me but now he doesnt give a shit about me if i died would he even care would he feel grief i mean treats me likei amdead so probably not,1
i am going to kill myself in 4 hours i dont think theres anything anyone can say to change how i feel but i cant do it any sooner because i need the people i live with to leave,1
why is suicide gonna be so hard got people to forget me then proceed to suicidei thought its going to be easy but i amliterally unable to get a gun hope somebody can pm me some other ways,1
cannot reach monday i just got kicked out of my second university at the age of 25 because i had failed too many units last year because i kept losing to my depression i havent told my parents yet because i cant break their hearts anymore i cant look in their eyes any longer knowing that ive failed them once again and i wont be able to suffer through the emotional abuse brought about by their frustration which i completely understand i dont want them to waste anymore time and money on me i just cant do that to them anymore i cant face them anymore knowing how much theyre gonna hate me after finding out ive wasted another 2 years of my life and wasted so much money i cant keep disappointing my siblings and friends any longer dying while they still have love for me is much preferable to them hating me while i live i havent told anyone and i dont plan to i just needed to get this off my chest for as long as i can remember ive always said i wanted to die at the age of 25 this cant be another thing i fail at ive done enough,1
stds cancer depression anxiety i just wish i could disappear i have multiple incurable stds and a gynecological cancer i wish i could just die or disappear i cant seem to bring myself to kill myself i am worried about leaving my mom and dad and them needing care i often think about when they pass i can pass too and join them i dont feel right being alive i feel i wasnt meant to me here in this body or whatever i am not meant to be loved and my body has made sure of that i have no family beyond my immediate family i sometimes close my eyes and wish i would just start crumbling away i hurt so much,1
dunno what to do but someone is afraid of me and id rather be dead than be someones bogeyman she and i were good friends for a while then i fell in love then a week later she said no thanks very much and cut off contact i knew shed been going through a really hard time and the more friends the merrier so i did my best to fall out of love again but it was cripplingly difficult id never had any of those feelings before when i succeeded eventually i tried to reach out and say that i hoped we could agree to forgive and forget and that if she ever needs someone to talk to then i remain a friend for my part but i made some dumb but understandable mistakes along the way and she now believesi ama dangerous psychopathic stalker i wanted to try and help alleviate some of her troubles and nowi ama cause of them shes afraid of me i dont want her to be id rather be dead and i certainly believe i dont deserve to live after this if she knew i was dead she wouldnt be afraid of me and you dont feel guilty for the death of a monster but at the same time i have friends and family who dont think i did anything immoral and although i dont contribute much to them or to society id be letting them down i dont know what to do i just know that if i knew it would make things better for her i would choose to die its been months since i was in love with her but i love her very much if that makes any sense thats something that will never be understood or believed because sticking someone in the monster box and keeping them there is easier than actually forgiving them what would you do if someone you cared about was terrified of you how could you know that and justify being alive,1
i need some good advice i will just keep this short lately ive been having a lot of weird suicidal thoughts and feelings i dont have anyone in life to really talk to so i just keep it to myself but its becoming really hard for me to do that i just want some general ideas to help me through these timesthanks everyone,1
right now bye,1
i dont know what to doi ama 31yo male ive had suicidal thoughts since i was 1718 they sometimes come and go but are mainly based around moneyi amcurrently in around 8000 10000 debt due to get married in a few weeks and my other half has offered to help so have family members and i knowi amlucky to have family who can help with no issue or pay back as they say themselves are pretty well off but i cant accept their help i put myself in this position and i need to accept responsibility for and my wrong choices but i amgetting worried that i will never see the day i will be debt free i know i have had a good job but throughout the years i continually get fed up with the way the world works always working to line some elses pockets billionaires who toy with companies for tax relief purposes but offer crap wages and try to erode tcs i feeli amabout to snap go away without saying a word and just hanging myself i feel sorry for the hurt anger heartache i will cause but i feel its the only option i have left now the world is a messed up place ,1
update not today i was really hyping this up to myself over the week but my plan got cut short so i have to wait a little longer before carrying on whatever,1
i just need to talk i am a coward in every sense i hate myself and i dont even have the guts to just fucking kill myself my parents thinki ama disappointment nothing i ever do is good enough for them i was supposed to be born a boy and they resent me for that even as a girli ama pretty shitty one people thinki ama guy even thoughi am noti amugly scrawny and alonei amall of my friends second choices no one talks to me i live out in the country where i have no neighbors and no friendsi amfucking isolated my parents want me to be a doctor or lawyer or some shit but what i want to do doesnt matter my friend left me because he met this girl she is nice but he now never talks to me being bisexual sucks ass i love my friend like really love him but i amugly and such a coward that i could never tell him ive never been in a relationship and i feel alone my schoolwork is slowly killing me i have so much to do but i cant take it anymore my grades are failingi amalonei amdepressed and too much of a coward to do anything goddamn i want to die,1
i wish someone would just mug me and shoot me to death or get struck by lightning or get hit by a busi am too afraid to do it myself i was close a few times but couldnt do it it would hurt my parents too and i think they would think it was their fault and that would hurt them too much i just want someone to kill me or to die in a disaster so that i can die and it wont hurt them quite as muchive always fantasized about someone stopping me with a gun asking me for my stuff maybe i would rush them slow on purpose to get shot maybe if i walked out in a thunderstorm id get hit ,1
suicide is an escape but it also shows us the way out of paini am not mentally stable or happy since last 8 yearsi am in depression since then i cant afford to sit idle now the only thing which is making me live is my motheri amliving struggling only because i want to take care of hershe always suggested me not to escape from any situations but nowi amsensing it is the only way out for me i have almost no friends i cant share my thoughts regrets or anything with anyone which i believe is killing me too i had given 56 interviews in last 6 days but no affirmation only thing which is killing me is my pathetic sadistic and capricious nature while i can think that i worth something most of the times i believe everyone is living their life perfectly laughing enjoying i dont know what should i do now it seems ending a life is the final option for me now ,1
i want tomorrow to be different since april ive been severely depressed in the last month ive had a horrible problem getting out of bed most days i just spend sleepingi take sleeping pills throughout the day just to keep myself sedated i have a lot of work i need to do to finish college and i have basically given up on it i dont have any sort of motivation i cant get myself to do the work i feeli am going to fail anyway so why botherbut i dont want this to be my life i want to have productive days and achieve things and get out of this hell ive lived for the past ten years of depression i dont know what i can do to change things ,1
i wish i didnt have family so i could just end it already theyre the only reason i havent because i know it would destroy themi ama selfish person for even seriously contemplating it when i know they care about mei just dont want to live i lost the one person who made me happy my ex and i broke up ive been depressed most my life when i met him though he was unlike any other i was instantly drawn to him we hit it off immediately we fell fast and hard at least i did i guess it was all just lie coming from him he told me he wanted to marry me he told me my past boyfriends were idiots because they didnt realize what they lost he told me he loved me more than hes ever loved someone i felt happy i felt bliss i felt like my life had purpose for a year and a half it was the greatest experience of my life we broke up he told me never completely loved me he told me he was just mesmerized by having sex with me only 6 weeks later and hes in a relationship with another girl hes crazy about her he doesnt speak to me he doesnt miss me none of this mattered to him i dont matter to him i know its stupid to want to kill yourself over a boy i know people will thinki ampathetic for wanting to kill myself because of a break up but all my life ive been unhappy for once i found happiness i think i was better off not knowing what happy felt like because this pain of knowingi amnever going to have him back is unbearable i just want to die i keep staring at my wrist i just want to cut deep and bleed until i stop until all of this pain goes away and i am nothing i wont have to deal with this pain ever again ,1
diagnosed with schizophreniai am16 edit thank you thank you all for the advice that youve given me today it really has brightened my day _ _update ,1
its all too much but i wanna have hope helpi amspiraling down again i was happy in my home country before i met this guy who actually made me want to have a future yes i feel like its lame to rely on someone for happiness then i came to australia and cos of depersonalisation or some shit ended up fucking up that whole thing by kissing a guy here nowi amprocessing all the shit in my life and i even ended up self harming the other night while drunk i burnt myself pretty bad i cant handle the anxiety and depression alone i dont know what to do no will to live but i wanna have hope it will get better but ive tried so much i dont know what i should do should i go back home and lie in bed let my mom take care of mei am already 24 havent lived with my parents for 5 years so feels weird or should i stay in australia its a once in a lifetime experiencei amon the working holiday visa so i wont get that again been here 2months but i amshit rn mentally help pls,1
i just want someone to hear me for once i was going to write something big but i feel like the amount of unfair shit that happens in my life is just too long to write out so i will try and just list it out and if you want elaborations just message me or relate message me or something btw sorry but its super long and i didnt mean to ive tried killing myself once and called the suicide hot line but the lady made me feel like i should kill myself even more my life sucks and i amalmost 20 but treated like a 2 yo my mother told me i was the biggest disappointment of her life during my hs graduation she tells mei amugly and should wear makeup both my parents have called me a bitch and my mom calls me a whore my so called friends are shit my ex and his best friend decided to pull a nasty ass prank on me once which basically resulted in almost slut shamming me and then them telling me they were sorry a friend told me he was there for me but when i want to talk he doesnt listen and tells mei amself centered and when he comes over to my house he says he doesnt want to date me and were just friends yet hell kiss me and cuddle me and hump me my two main guy friends say theyre my friends and want to make my summer here good fyii amback for summer since i go to oregon for school now but they never invite me to do stuff i feel like my moms ways and thoughts are super off from the cool kids parents who always get to go out and do stuff all the time becausei amhardly ever invited to ever go out to parties and do stuff that when i do get invited i jump at the opportunity and my mom tells mei ameasy and stupid for doing that and should say no and make myself hard to get wtf why is it that other girls get to go out and do shit and my friends will do stuff for these other girls like throw going away parties and birthdays and invite them to do stuff but i never get asked to do anything like this like am i not pretty enough do i need to be a model or ambassador for a clothing company and be miss teen something to get the attention or just simply the level of things these other girls get and does that make me self centered for wanting these things that i never got does that make me a bitch its constantly having these kinds of things that make me want to kill myself sometimes or just fucking do something that will get me killed because i feel like no one in my life gives a fuck about me and that life defiantly wants to make surei amgiven the most worst fucks ever and i have so many more things in my life that are so much worse but id probably be writing fucking forever if i said them all and then i feel bad for ranting like this because theres a gazillion other people who probably have it a lot worse but for once cant i just be mad and have a right to feel this way without someone coming to say fucking suck it up cuz your life is basically shit and no one cares and half the people you talk to dont care about your problems and the other half are happy you have them ,1
just giving up every night i sit on my couch and clean my pistol on the coffee table i dont even shoot it anymore its not dirty i give up on livingi ama career failure i killed myself before when i was 15 the hospital revived me 17 years later whats the point anymore my family has all but given up on me they havnt spoke to me in years now is tonight the night maybe ,1
in case someone finds this after i died my life doesnt matter please kill me i beg you i beg you so much i have so hard time doing it again after the filed attempt,1
assisted suicide for people with mental i willness needs to be legal nobody deserves to feel like this if you have gone through the process countless times with countless medications that do not work whats the point of making someone go on the way they are living when all they want to do is die why not let them go out on there own terms in a hospital bed surrounded by friends and family that love them instead of sneaking off in the middle of the night to blow their brains out,1
why is the tube the easiest way i dont want to bother people or a poor driver but i cant see anything easier and less painful ,1
amall alone husband didnt come home this night i just want to make it through the night not sure if i can i dont want to die but hes the love of my lifei amall alone please someone talk to me before i do something stupidedit i wanted to thank everyone who was kind enough to reply you helped me get through the night i hope everyone who reads this decides to fight another day theres kindness in the world,1
please it hurts i cant keep living like thisi amsuffocatingim wishing things were back to how they were just a few months agoi cant eat or sleep ive let my classes fail again already because my constant panic attacks keep me crying in my roomi have no friends she was the only one i needed i have nobody to talk to and she doesnt want to talk to me anymore i dont blame her i blame myself for not doing more for her nowi amlostin a few days i might end it but the wait until then is painfulplease dont go away from me please come back please stopi know none of this will happen but my feelings will never change and they will hurt more and more every day knowingi amfurther from you then i was yesterdayi just want to sleep sleep and not wake up please,1
amjust too tired to keep living i go to school during the week and wheni am not at schooli amworkingi amfacing a criminal charge that could and will likely end in me going to jaili amfucking 3 months sober and they say being sober is supposed to help you when it just makes everything worsei am too scared to do anything and i cant stop cryingi am so fucking tiredi am tired of living being alive and i cant believei ambitching about this on redditi amfucking pathetic and a sorry excuse for a person,1
i want to leave something behindi am17 i love baking pastries i love doing live theater i love my cats parker a beautiful calico kitty with a half face she drools when shes happy her brother cloud my sweet baby a flamepoint siamese who is white with a pink nose and blue eyes he loves chewing on hair percy our big boy who is a siamese he loves dog food little gal our tiny ruler she is a tabby and likes to steal food i love my sister even though she is busy a lot and cant talk i love my 15 year old brother even though were not on good terms and dont really talk to each other despite living together i love my mama she loves me i dont know what has been happening recently weve been drifting and fighting a lot i love her i only have one friend madi she is amazing without her i would sit alone every day and do nothingi am so grateful for her i amalso so tired i cant do this anymore i wrote this to leave something of me behind thanks for listening,1
i really hope that when we die we just pass on to another universe and restart i like to think that too sometimes i imagine dying and starting life over as a different person somewhere around the world,1
hate myself for it i kissed another person during the 2 12 years my boyfriend and i were together he lives in britain and i live in california we always made communication work when one day he drops off the map and for 2 weeks doesnt talk to me i lean to my guy best friend for support and he kisses me i kiss back i hate myself and it was the biggest mistake ive ever made my self hatred is through the roof and my depression is at an all time low i dont know what to do people at my work are talking about it and i brush it off ass a rumour but every time people ask it pushes me closer ive tried to kill myself in the past but this is a new low for me i threw my blades away ages ago but times like now i wish i hadnt i love my boyfriend and hes the best thing in my life hes a blessing and i cant lose him so i havent told him a close family friend said that living with the guilt is punishment enough ive devoted myself to being the person he deserves but i keep breaking down i am a piece of trash human being and i hate myself,1
amfading to dust this must end soon,1
i need help saving my friend so ive recently reconnected with one of my old friends we went to homecoming have been hanging out a lot yada yada yada all that jazz but i am really worried because she is planning to kill herself ive managed to convince her to not do it but i am not sure how long that will last she has this bucket list of things she has to do and after she completes it she is going to swallow a bottle of pills well atleast she was but i made her give the pills to me but she could always get more what do i do i cant loose her and nobody is taking her seriously every time she says shes going to kill herself people are like lol mee too school is so stressful so what do i do do i call the hotline do i tell all my teacher do i try to get her parents attention how can i stop her before its too late time is precious so please reply sooner that laterthanks justsomeguy,1
i hate my life i want to kill myself and others because life hates me,1
lost my aunt to cancer possibly my cousin in the near future and my soulmate just walked out of my life original post ive been depressed since i was 15 its not the classic self harm depression but more internal and cerebral self harm but at the same time i feel like i can turn it off and be presentable and normal which gives me a perfect facade for friends only about 3 people in my life know about my suicidal thoughts and depression and one of them the girl of my dreams and my soulmate has fallen out of love with me i dont want the classic its going to get better after the one is the next one bullshiti amscared of taking my life because i know i can be someone i have the talent music to make it but at the same time i just idk in high school my english teacher said that suicide was selfish and that anyone that does it is an idiot because they dont think of the people who love them for 2 years ive been in denial of this but i think its true nowi ama selfish fucking person and i have people who love mei ampopulari ama good guy but what is it worth if i feel like i shouldnt be on this planet ive been talking too long so i will stop,1
a joke today in one of my classes i turned to my friend and said i want to kill myself she looked at me smiled and replied oh same i hate this class then she laughedonce i actually do shell see it wasnt a joke,1
should i kill myself zero money in a job that barely pays my bills dont want to experience this headspace anymorei am tired of feeling suicidal its been over 20 years ,1
am i or am i not suicidal i think about suicide a lot not necessarily doing it though just suicide in general i think about ways of doing it i think about what it would be like if i did i think about how common and easy it would be i dont sit here and tell myselfi am going to do it thoughabout mei am19 ive graduated highschool in 2016 with grades above average hated school still do i havent started college yet instead ive been working for 10 months at a nearby retail store i live with my grandparents so i have no bills to pay ive just been saving up moneyi amblessed i should say my dad works nearly nonstop my mom died when i was 4 what i do wheni am not working is working on music ive been making alternativeelectronic music since the age of 15 and right nowi amworking towards having my debut studio album released its not happening anytime soon though my dad and i are trying to build a studio at his house but due to how much he works and how much it costs to redo an entire room from the bone all i can do is continue to write material for it and expand on arranging the songs anyways back to my issuei am not depressed i dont think anywaysi am not sad nothing is bothering me nobody is abusing me i simply think about suicide a lot and not on purpose i dont know if its a subconscious thing and i am soaking up toxicity from something or ifi amjust interested in death i tend to make jokes a lot not jokes about suicide but jokes about me personally myself committing suicide for example just recently at work my coworker was flipping a coin and he accidentally let it go to the ground and before he could check it i quickly said if its heads i go to the break room and kill myself and he shot me a shockedconcerned look i wonder why but anyways as soon as i said that even i was like wow did i really just say that 4 times now ive received either the suicide prevention lifeline number from my friends or simply them reaching out and offering support if i need itim kind of concerned that this is only going to get worse and during yet another timei amstaring at my bottle or aspirin or the bottle of bleach i have on my windowsill above my bed thinking about how i could do it right now if i wanted to that i really am just going to do it and like the jokes i make be surprised that i did it and regret it assuming its something thats not instant i am a huge mess but i know i have the capability to become a much better person would it be worth it if i did though would a haircut a shave a shower a new set of clothes a new attitude and a new work ethic have any impact on this at all i dont knowi amjust rambling now soi amgonna stop here what do i do i feel as if theres some kind of demon or other thing thats controlling my mind i dont want to kill myself but i amtalking thinking and acting like i do and i dont know why i am not depressed stressed or angered by anything yet i think about suicide in general quite often i dont know why i do and i amconcerned for my own being,1
24 ptsd suicide is seeming like the practical and economic decision girlfriend of three years broke up with me last month ive been staying with my abusive family members since its going to take at least three months of me living here before ive saved up enough for my own housing and transportation i could probably have a gun tomorrow ive been in therapy for like 7 years the other day i had a physician tell me i was refractory to treatment and he refused to become involved in my care feeling pretty hopeless girlfriend was more or less all i had and my mental i willness drove her away no friends to depend on family is actively making things worse i live in a state with abysmal mental health care ive reached out to all of the major institutions at some point and havent gotten the help i need once when i was being taken to psychiatric hold i told a paramedic i was sorry but i am not going inpatient in my state the paramedic responded by grabbing my hand and saying i knowi amexcited to stop struggling honestly not existing sounds more wonderful than any future i can imagine i want to stop suffering being as mentally i will as i am i knowi am not ever going to stop sufferingi amnever going to be gifted the ability emotionally regulate like a normal person everyday life events are excruciating and frankly the constant emotional pain makes my quality of life indefensible pretty sure i would qualify for euthenasia at this point if i was living in the netherlands dont even know whyi amposting this,1
i feel like a parasite my happiness relies mostly on others and its been this way as long as i can remember being depressed some backgroundi ama 19 year old woman that has suffered with severe depression and anxiety for almost ten years ive been really struggling with my mental health especially since i graduated high school in june of 2016 i feel like i have no purpose no matter what i end up doing when youre depressed this long your interests and ambitions have long disappeared along with your happiness which fucking sucks my life is going absolutely nowhere in a job or education sense ive been seeing a man for a few months now wed been friends for over two years before this i love him more than anything but its so draining because i feel likei amonly existing for him his life is progressing beautifully and i feel likei amholding him down ive fucked up a lot of peoples minds in the past when it comes to my suicidal tendencies and i absolutely cannot hurt him like that its driving me mad that i have to deal with these emotions day in and day out i feel likei amwasting his time and i just want him to be happy even if i ended up staying alive i dont think i could fulfill the happiness he deserves hes the most beautiful and compassionate person ive met in my life and the last thing i want to do is traumatize him i hate being stuck i wish i could just get in a fatal car accident so no one would feel like they were to blame or maybei amjust delaying the inevitable maybe i should just take the plungei am tired of feeding off of people words,1
invasive thoughts i have been depressed for a long timei amsure everyone on this thread hasi amon antidepressants and they dont seem to be working that welli ammaterially fairly successful married and have a kid but i keep getting invasive thoughts about killing myself it goes to show i guess that mental i willness doesnt care about what you have i know there are people here who might think they wouldnt be depressed if they had that one thing their missing in their lives but i amtelling you that with depression its totally meaningless because you can enjoy that stuff anyway lately ive been having almost daily experiencesstressors that send me off on a tangent mentally into a realm of mental anguish and pain where i eventually wind up thinking about killing my self obsessively i think about how to do it the best method plan it tell myself its the right thing to do and then curse myself for being too afraid i feel likei amliving in my own personal hell have any of you been able to get rid of these thoughts how do you silence your own minds,1
i think about killing myself everyday at work i used to think about it once every few months just in passing but since i started working full time its been more frequent until it became a daily thing i thought it was fine until it started following me home my job isnt even that hard or taxing its just a ninehour shift hour long lunch i can leave the building thats off the clock so 8 paid hours decent pay good benefits so i really shouldnt be having these thoughtsits even affecting my enjoyment of things i cant even enjoy games anymore as it stands the only thing that i do enjoy now is writing shitty fanfiction and the feedback i get for that what should i do ,1
i will be gone soon so as the months pass by i stay looking to this topics and remember the way i felt when i tried to suicide myself and gone to hospital for 2 weeks tried to recover and trying to move forward i just cant and i am so done of my fking life pretending that everything is gonna be ok but is a lie happiness its not for all in a few days i will die for sure until then i will just drink to make the i willusioni am not hurt sorry to write here but i cant tell to anyone close to me i survived once by taking lot of pills this time i will just shoot in the head no mercy for shit sorry to wasting your time reading this,1
forced medical leave from college 3 years ago i will never recover from need to die 3 years ago i was forced against me and my parents will to take a medical leave from my dream college it was a prestigious school that i worked my ass off in high school to get into sacrificing a social life for gradesextracurriculars because i wanted so bad to get into a good college and have a great experience halfway into the school year i started getting very depressed and became anorexic but was seeking help outside the school for both these problems and was hopeful of my recovery that was until one of my teachers expressed concern about my weight to administration what followed was months of back and forth harassment threats forced tests and evaluations that cost my parents money out of pocket etc including mandatory weekly meetings with one of the deans only to culminate in them forcing me to take a medical leavei was in a certain program in this school where basically if i were to leave i would lose my spot in the program and have to start all over more time at the school more money for my parents same classes over bullshit i had literally chosen that school because of the prestige of this program and the first year was a sort of preparation for the program and i already had befriended people in the group was excited that all my hard work first year would finally pay off it was really really stressful for me and my family and when i tried to go back the next semester my application was denied and i was still prevented from returning next semester same thing i have literally not recovered from this event and it has ruined my entire life and even health since this happened ive developed severe lifealtering chronic pain leaving me bedridden that therapists tell me is from the stressanger of that situation both my mom and dad have developed emotional issuesanxiety having to watch me suffer the dr bills that are a result of this event have piled up for my poor parents i have watched all of my friends recently graduate and move on with their lives whilei amcompletely stuck i had such a bright future and its literally gonei am so sick mentally and physically i cant work and i am so angry i could literally see myself murdering the people at that school that so unfairly did that to me and still wouldnt let me returni cannot see any way out ive been completely isolated from every human but my parents and doctors for the past three years i havent gone out with any friends or done anything a normal young person should do in all this time i see zero future for myself without a degree and no clear path and the pain prevents me from even holding the most easy of jobs theres legitimately no way out for me anymore ive held on so long and i cant anymore fuck this world the phony people incapable of empathy and understanding and the unfairness that permeates through innocent peoples lives and souls,1
as i sit as i sit my stomach turns my life crumbles around me as the people continue on their day the gun up against my head my life flashes before my eyes just like what i imagined ive done it all ive given everything i have but you get to a point where you cant give anymore you will find this one day mom and you will know who i am i am the person who you thought was so smart but ended up so dumb how is it that everyone else around me is succeeding and i amstruggling to put food in my stomach how is it that i can have all this brain power and not get past something as simple as eating youd think i would have figured out a way to just make it appear you think i could stop being such a failure you were wrong i cant eat i cant stay where i am ive tried how can everyone love me but nobody actually loves me how is it that my father can up and leave for dead but a child that isnt even his can be such a prized possession how can my brother judge me for things i do yet wheni amdesperate for just a meal he turns me awayi amstarving mom i cant do it anymoreall i needed was a friend all i needed was a light at the end of the tunneli am not an infinite source of love and when everyone takes and takes and takes and you get nothing in return you break down you lose hope ive lost hope mom for months my days have shortened ive lost my will to live and its world breaking you think you understand but you dont my heart says no dont do it itll get better but i know this path thati amheading down and there isnt anything left for mei amdry and i cant refill this time i was hopeful for so long i hope you know that i was that ball of energy you knew and loved but its not enough everyone needs more and more they take and they take and they take but they never give back i just needed someone to give back a little du hast mich mama ich liebe dich,1
ive burned everything around mei am not the usual one to wax poetic about my suicidal thoughts but thought this might be a good platform to spew a little bit ive been suicidal for years and yet the past few weeks really seem like a sign that it is time to go1 i have destroyed my relationship with the one i love by not being there emotionally and by my actions its to the point where her 13 year old brother is angry at me for not being more responsible i put her in an unsafe situation2 my car has completely broke down and i do not have the funds to replace it which means that i have no means of transportation of getting to and from work3 ive been missing more and more days of work management may fire me any day from now my only source of income4 my family is upset because they do not know how to handle me ive never been more distant from them5 my friends are angry at me as well for multiple reasons i have nobody i can confide in6 i went to my doctor today to pour out my feelings he prescribed me antidepressants and sent me away7 i start school again next week and i cant even concentrate on writing this post let alone study8 my physical health is deteriorating and i am in constant physical pain i also have been struggling with insomnia and cry myself to sleep every nighti have been a dick but i feel like karma is hitting me with full force or there is a sign out there that its time for me to go ive tried everything meditation exercise sleeping more confiding in others to help but i feel like the more i am in peoples lives at this point the more i am burning them i dont know what to do every day i wake up life is throwing something else at me and i keep making the wrong decisions ive never been more ready to die and yeti am still too cowardly to go through the act i just want the pain to stop i want to stop being a cancer in other peoples lives theres nothing worse than ruining someone elses life its one thing to ruin yours but to ruin somebody elses is a feeling of guilt and pain that i dont know what to do with i have tried apologizing but every time i come back i find a way to make things worsei am so scared and in so much pain ,1
apparentlyi amhatednot welcome anywhere in a matter of 3 months i got kicked out from every forum and abandoned by every friendup to yesterday i was staff in a website today i get kicked out and framed since i was pissed i deleted some of the files on the ftp but they changed the ip and restored everything i realized i would have done much more destruction through the admin control panel via ftp but i didnt realize that until after i got kicked out from other forums for not taking shit from the staff for example in one of them i created something and one of the staff decided to steal it and declare it as his own that caused me to leak the source code for everyone to use and both me and the mod lost sales i felt better that he couldnt monetize from that any longer this led to me being blacklisted from every event the whole staff team would do or actual staff applications another forum incident was i was selling another one of my programs of course no license sincei amlazy to add that in this guy buys it and shares the license with his friend once something went wrong with the program he his friend and about 30 more decided to mock me and bring my reputation down then he demanded i help him and his friends and i refused due to him breaking my purchase policies the staff sided with this guy and got me banned for not refundingfixing his programfor the friend part i stopped coding and spent most of my time playing games with them 34 in short i realized that only one really wanted me there and the other 3 preferred to play without me i like being kind of a leader saying what to do what not to do and what i should do instead of them such as lets drop there pubg or let me be that character since you dont really know how to use it rainbow six siege all my online friends found other friends to talk to play with code with my best friend found a job and is working 8 hours a day and going everywhere without me with minimum contact with me the only times he invites me out i actually cant meet him due to me being with my girlfriend being the weekends basicly now i have nowhere to go or anything to do rather than code but what is the point of coding if i cant sell my creations anywhere in their specific famous forums i go to gym every morning and sleep at 5 am the only person who ignores my leadership characteristic is my girlfriend and she puts up with all my crap she basicly is the only person that makes me feel happy and wanted i dont know why on the contrary everyone else hates me and wants me to be gone being hated by everyone means i cant sell my creations or have anything to talk about with anyone on the forums part i cant let anyone take advantage of me and step on me and control what i do what is wrong with me in your opinion i really want to get better and be liked by the majority rather than hated by the majority,1
i feel like i cant go any further i just cant go on 21 years for 21 years ive been a burden for my parents a waste of time effort and money in this time i havent nor i think i could in the future give them anything back something to make them feel all the trouble was worth it and the only thing i can offer them back is what they gave me they gave me life and i should return it back to them ending the burden and removing a huge weight from their shoulders but that isnt the whole reasoni amprobably doing this its also becausei am an ugly motherfucker a mental i willness bin a social inept a friendless loser a virgin and a useless shit honestly ive already given up on getting a girlfriend i never had one and i will never have because of my ugliness and shit personality not even tinder can help me up i will never have children i dont even want to i dont want to pass down my depression anxiety ugly fucked up immune system genes no no child should carry this i made some friends in high school how i dont know but after graduating when my depression got to its worst most abandoned me during my 2 years of recovery that followed only 3 of them cared enough to send me a facebook message from time to time but out of this 3 2 barely speak to me now and 1 who i thought i could trust entirely stopped talking to me after almost confessing to her that i was going to try to kill myself yesterday i feel devastated all i wanted was someone i could talk to someone to help me 3 times ive already tried to end it all yesterdays was the third and as i promised myself the last the next one this one has to be the one after what has happened i dont want to go back with my family i dont want them to see me depressed again after 2 long anguishing years of attempted recovery i dont want any more pills and talks with my psychiatrist i dont want to go every two weeks with a psychologist to tell me what to do and what to donti am tired of all this i dont want to get better again for no reason i dont want to keep trying to fit in this decaying society to live in a world going to shit and resisting any changei am tired of being myselfi am tired of not having anything to look forward to having no plans no anything of seeing no light at the end of the tunnel despite my effortssomeone please help me i just want to go back when everything was cheerfulness when my mother sang me lullabies and i was safe from everything when i played in the mud carelessly when ignorance was bliss when i was happy ,1
due to teen life i can only do it when i move out but i want to now whats the point of going through this entire hell that is school just to kill myself afterwards i know this seems like it works against me but i want to die more than just about anything and if i have to i will but preferably i will die nowwe do have pills and vodka at my place before you ask no my parents arent heavy drinkers i cant remember the last time i saw them drink but i am not sure how reliable that is,1
i dont deserve the life i have honestly i have a fantastic support structure a small number of close friends a caring partner and access to healthcare but i still feel so miserable i dont deserve all the shit i havei ammiserable regardless of what anyone does,1
how to kill myself i just idk where to start and i see no point in explaining this but i know my final question to this how do i kill myself i dont wanna attempt to do it and fail idk where to go to jump off somewhere high around here i really want to end it fast is it fucked up to ask others about this think that youll put someones suffering and dullness at ease finally i understand if this will get deleted or something yet i wish it didnt so id finally get an answer,1
whats the point of living when youre gonna die eventually one way or another dont know when just that death is going to happen someday and theres no stopping it from happeningmight as well try to kill myself now before something or someone brings me to my death first,1
i feel bad for those who care about me i feel bad for the people who waste their time on me ive been completely fucked for years and yet there are still people who remain around me by choice despite myself and how ive treated themthats not really why i feel bad though i feel bad because i know eventually thati am going to end my life not today maybe not even soon but to me sayingi amgonna end up dead by my own hand is like saying water is wet or the sky is blue i feel bad for these people because they hold out hope that my opinions on life will change and that one day i will be happy and have the things i clamor for it will never happen either because of its inherent impossibility or because i will prevent it by killing myselfim not even remotely upset while typing this which further cements how much i believe this it doesnt even scare me its just reality ,1
i thought i get better but i am extremly stressful right now and about to kill myself because of my first job hi 23m from a 3rd world country i got my first job at a supermarket and job is not even started yet but i am extremly stressful and about to kill myself i have ocd and depression i am using meds over a year now and i thought i get better but apparently i am not my mood is keep changing between suicidal and careless can anyone give me any advice ,1
sad i think about how embarassing and stupid and cringy i am a lot and want to just get rid of myself so that i dont have to be stupid anymore wheneveri amoutside and i listen to whats in my youtube history i cant stop thinking about how stupid it is and how mentally slow i am and thati amlike a little kid and i have to resist the urge to scratch and draw bloodand when i shuffle through my playlist i remember how i played this one song to show off and i want to punch myself in the facei wish my mom was one of those autisum moms and that she would be the type of mom who got so fed up with her kid that she would kill them so that i wouldnt live knowingi am an embarassmentsoi amsad,1
lately ive had a problem a lot of kids know what they want to be when they grow up it usually changes by the time they get there but usually if people have a passion they can stick with it others cant say they have a passion so theyre confused about what to do with their lives i seem to have a different problem while i accept that i am by no stretch of the imagination a tragic person i wrestle with the certainty that i will never know everything i want to know i dont just want to be a doctor or a lawyer i want to be a linguist i want to be a chemist a physicist an historian and marine biologist i want to be a philosopher and a world traveler and a surfer and everything in between on a daily basis this is fine because what i want changes from day to day some days everything else falls away and medieval poetry fills my view other days its i willegal drugs or covert military operations one time it was hypnosis and i spent three hours reading the entire wikipedia page for it and looking for psychologists whove written on it this is all fine because my sporadic learning is financially supported by my mom and dad but what happens once i grow up what happens i have bills to pay i want to see every country speak every language climb every mountain and taste every rainbow but i cant do that ifi amforced to survive instead of live i am mortally terrified that no life no living arrangement no outcome or possibility waiting for me in all of reality will ever make me happy i used to be able to ignore this feeling but its been getting stronger i have no idea what to do my problem isnt that i dont have any passion its that i have too much i knowi amonly 17 but what do i do,1
what is the art in making friends hey fam as the title states ive always had trouble making friends in high school sure i hung out with some people but the moment school ended i never spoke to them til the next dayi am in college now and i thought these problems would just go away and they didnti amnow into my 2nd year of college and i literally have no friends there are days that go by and i get no texts from anyone i try so hard to come across as a funny and interesting guy but it always feels likei amthe one pushing to make friends how does it come so easy for everyone else i eat all my meals at the dining hall alone sit by myself in classes and nobodys taken the initiative to get to know me honestly its gotten to the point where i could care less about having some good bros i just feel likei ammissing out on so much in life ive never had any luck with girls and it just seems likei ama shell of a person always just going through the motions never anything palpable i was thinking about hitting up that tinder grind but with my severe social anxietydepressioni amapprehensive but hey i just wanted to see what recommendations you guys have for enjoying this shitty life ,1
i dont see the point anymore my love for everything i care about is decaying and it feels like life has to constantly remind me of my place in this worldim pretty much a subhuman being 57 and balding born in a poor family pretty much didnt know my dad in the first years of my life while he was selling drugs and my mom took care of 3 of us on welfare i ended up dropping out high school at 13 did a lot of things i shouldnt have done school felt like prison now lll never amount to anything or have any moneyi dont have anything to hang on for no goals nothing sex and drugs arent helping only hurting my thoughts and making them more morose than they already arei think it might just be time to end it now ,1
death makes me happy the thought of myself dying makes me happy planning to kms my only reason to live is to wait for destiny 2 to release on pc,1
i dont deserve to livei ama shitty human being all i have ever done is caused harm wherever i go ive tried changing but i just get worse it would be in my best interest to do the world a favour and just kill myself ive tried before and i lost a lot of blood and i was permanently scarred due to my incompetence but i wont mess up this time aroundif anyone of my family finds thisi am sorry for being a horrible brother and son i hope you can forgive me eventually i know you will call me selfish and wont understand why i did what i did to my exesi am sorry for not being the man that i said i was i lied to everyone i lied about everything especially with regards to howi am doing in life if you want me to be honest noi am not okay i never have been ever dont ever think i will be and at this point in time i dont see a benefit to me continuing to be a burden to societyall i ever wanted was to be happy i guess this is the next best thing,1
well this is it this is my final open letter to everyone reading thisi amcurrently 18 have multiple medical conditions that cannot be fixed have ass grades no friends family has turned against me and my girlfriend of 3 years cheated on me last night ive decided today is the final fix to it all best wishes to everyone and take carekindest regards ben,1
anxietyfuelled suicidal thoughts ive struggled with anxiety for much of my life and it has brought me to the edge of suicide on a few occasions i never made any actual attempts i just had very clear plans that i backed out of at the last or nearly last moment when i was 16 i thought i wouldnt live to see 20 at 20 i thought id be dead by 25 at 25 the age moved back to 30 now at 29 i dont expect to kill myself imminently but i believe it will be how i die finally after 29 years i realized that my anxiety brings me here the fear and worry just grips my mind and wont let go either i fear so much about what is happening or i worry so much about what will happen i start to feel as if suicide is the only way to save me from myself two weeks ago i almost made this post i was in a dark place i held off later i recovered that lasted about four days nowi amback right where i left off afraid worrying wanting to escape the last time i had a plan i planned to jump of a bridge nearby where i live a bridge that many people have successfully used to kill themselves in the past last time i also tried to put my affairs in order before i killed myself now my plan is still valid and my affairs are still in order i dont think i will kill myself tonight i feel i will kill myself soon i have often felt that way though the frequency with which i feel like killing myself makes me not want to seek help for it why worry others when i know i wont do it but i feel like i will do it maybe not tonight but sooni am not sure where this post is heading it would be helpful for me to hear how others deal with suicidal thoughts driven by their own anxiety again i dont want to die like many here i just dont want to live like this ,1
unemployment blues why dont i feel like doing much to help myself i lost my job in july bit of a blessing in disguise there as it was as a cashier at walmart a shit place to work if ever there was one and have been unemployed since they fought my unemployment money so that never arrived after i applied just fucking hate themi amdisabled with cp and walmart as a rule seems not to give a shit about ada they fought and thankfully lost against each of my reasonable accommodations and in general were indifferent and uncaring to my physical and mental suffering at their handsbut enough about all that thinking about them at all just infuriates me morei am26 and without a job fortunately i had built up a bit of a financial cushion soi am not entirely in dire straits yet thing is ive dealt with pretty severe clinical depression for most of my life and even attempted suicide in march after my managers threatened to fire me after i was scammed several hundred dollars in prepaid cards by a group of known criminalsso here i am two months out and losing hope of finding fulltime employment quickly enough that my current cash doesnt run out i cannot stand for long so that rules out most fast food placesnot that id want to lower myself to thati have a fouryear english ba for gods sake my options with no real experience in my chosen field are unfortunately quite slimim just getting tired again and apathetic about continuing to search for anything meaningful out there on the internet job boardsi amon a new antidepressant again and its actually working most of the time it takes the edge off at least it would buoy me up to a level plateau aka normal whereas before i was mostly in the deep dark pit and it was an effort to even rise to that normal level to say nothing of anything about itsoi amjust getting worn out yet again i know i need to be really looking for a jobbut i just cant muster the willpower most daysi am in bed until ten or later and then i will catch a nap around two or so in the afternoon wake up again around five or six and stay up until two or three or later in the morning rinse repeat,1
i would would make a throwaway but i dont anyone will find this j cant complain too much but i do today at dinner that my exfianc e will explain took me out to will explain i said something profound at least to myselfi ambeing destroyed by apathy driven by anxiety and for depression everyday i actually just lost someone my cousin only a few years older than me due to a bullet in his head that he placed there which made me to say another profound thing at this date of disasteri really dont care about others or understand why i feel the ways i feel i only last my grandma a few months ago and doesnt care but cried over my cousin when i never spoke to him which ive been thinking a lot about i have no friends which i hate and just moved starts away from all my family i dont know if i love anyone how can i when i constantly hate myself i contemplate suicide a lot for stupid small things but for big things i usually just break down into an anxiety filled seizure or depression laced nap i really just dont know what to think about life or myself or this cruddy situation ,1
sometimes i feel really suicidal i was diagnosed with adhd half a year ago but i feel like it is too late to get things straight i have been taking medication but i think we need many years to catch up so i think i will suffer after graduationbesides that i have no friends i think quite a number of people in my major are avoiding me and being short with me maybe i depended on the acquaintances for help too many times and missed too many classes and had to whatsapp them asking if there are schedule changes and they dont like how i have the management skills of a 12 year oldi feel like we will be forever inferior to neurotypicals and that we will never be accepted by society and it makes me want to die as some people have said they arent exactly supportive of us having kids as we are just passing it on to the second generation and causing them to suffer for a lifetime,1
my guitar is the only thing that is keeping me alivecheesy i know sorry my family is in debt because of my father he refinanced the house and used the money for his mistresses yes that bastard had more than one mistress at the same time he passed away last year he may be dead but the debt is still yet to be settlednow here i am broke unemployed and a disappointment to my family i spent my savings on trying to make something of my life with music where i formed a few bands and hoped to become a full time musician alas none of them worked out due to the bandmembers either being too playful or no commitment at allim unemployed because i tried to get myself a typical 95 job i did get one but it only lasted about 5 months because of how horrible the working environment is and its messing up my peace of mindmy family was a bit disappointed when i made that decision because i am unable to force myself to work just for the sake of salary sometimes i hate that fact as well but what can i do its just my personality i guess now here i am sitting in front of my computer with nothing left for me to lose except my life and pondering on the remains of my enthusiasm towards lifethe six strings in my room is probably the only thing that acts as a mental painkiller for me but i dont even know how long it can last its a shame that my country is against euthanasia else i probably wouldve resort to that without blinking an eyehehmaybe i should borrow some money from my siblings go to canada and get the injection and just be done with it thats probably on my list yeahanyway sorry for the long post thank you so much for reading this,1
dont know how much longer i can take thisi am24m have completely failed at dating the past few months i can count the number of dates ive had in the past 2 months on one hand my last sortof relationship was back in april this year its just been rejection after rejection everyone i meet either loses interest and ghosts probably for someone with not nearly as many red flags as me or just bolts after one date and says something like it was nice meeting up with you youre sweet but i dont want to meet again which really means that they saw seriously wrong with me but didnt want to let me down too hard i just dont know if life is worth living if nobody will give me a chance some people say it gets better for guys as they get closer to 30 but to be honest id be devastated if i only finally had my first longterm relationship after 30,1
its back and unwelcomed it was two days it lasted two days of being fine but now the thoughts are back its turning me into a bitter person like idk why i just dont want to die but i dont want to exist and i am dying inside my head is like a prison i dont want to end it but i cant help fantasize it its sick and i really dont have anyone to talk to about it no one knows and if i told them friends and family they wouldnt be able to handle it i am the rock,1
successful suicide i have 2g of diphenhydramine hydrochloride and 21g of bupropion will that be sufficient to shut my body down will i need more of something i am of slightly larger than average body size i want to get this right just trying to do the old go to sleep and never wake up thing thanks,1
amclose to my breaking point ive been diagnosed with schizophrenia but i never told my family my fear is that itll blown out of proportion and make the situation worse my school life has made my life even worse to the point where i thought of suicide i felt like scum throughout my school year to the point that i ask my self whats the point of living if you have any tips please tell me i dont be a burden to those that i love and those that i care about,1
i dont think i can live the double life anymore thanks for giving me your precious timei am an asian that was raised born in saudi arabia in a fairly strict muslim household i was living normally until in 2015 i began questioning my faith islam it was recently 9 months ago where i had the courage to completely renounce itnow i feel depressed and oppressed because i look different ive always been bullied by the local kids for my looks from elementary to highschool both verbally and physicallyi amalso bisexual which makes it all the worse soi amliving as an incloset atheist and bi why not come outbecause id be given the death sentence if they found out that if my own family didnt kill me firsteven with all that i had managed to always ace my exams and top my classes i even got enrolled into medicine and got a perfect gpa55 in my first year at the university but then slowly i fell into depression and my grades suffered a lot my gpa went all the way down to 315 and i even failed a whole year you can imagine what an asian parent would do if their child failed at collegeim positive that both my parents are narcissists my mom keeps telling me that she owns me because she gave birth to me my dad took away all my savingsover 2k because in islam its permissible to do that theres an islamic scripthadith allowing it you and your wealth belong to your father narrated by abu dawood 3530 and ahmad 6640 but i secretly opened a bank account and started over from the beginning although i dont have much in it right nowand my mom has been forcing me to go to the mosque 5 times a day everyday ive been putting up with it for so long and i cant take it any longer she even forbid me from listening to musicmy chest is heavy all the time except while spending time with my friends i have a few good irls and a bunch of internet friends that keep me in check i really wish if i could run away my original plan was to finish medicine and use my degree to work somewhere else but thatd take up to 6 years and i dont think i can pass it in my current mental state anywaysplease if you know a way for me to move out and run away tell me about it i really need it thanks,1
is it worth to kill myself brief background on mei am15 this year and suffer from depression i have a dark history with family and friends and i am not sure what to do anymore lifes been a bitch to me my studies have gone haywirei amlosing friends and i think too much about murder and suicide i feel that suicide while bringing someone down with me is my only way out helpif it helps i live life without a care anymore since life is a bitch to me might as well dont give it any more chancesedit since i have nothing to lose might as well leave my life story herei was a very well behaved kid from age 16 then it all changed my most beloved grandmother passed and my mother with no parenting experience took over after quitting her job from primary 16 712 it wasnt fun i was beaten and kicked out of the house for even just a small mistake back then my studies were fairly decent averaging as on my tests bullying was a major problem being shoved around called names hurt physically and emotionally seconday school rolls alongi amfucked i cant keep up in schooli amsimply starting to be ostracized i feel helpless nowi amsecondary 315 todayi amaccused of being a stalkeri amgetting blocked and time is running out my murderous mind is going crazy i nearly leapt today close friend stopped me one dayi amgonna be outta friends that is when i knowi ama definite goner please help me for gods sake,1
i feel like shit ive exhausted all of my friends with my constant problems and i cant feel anything without cutting i just feel like dying,1
i want to be alone whenever i do not want to be alone i end up by myself with no one to talk tothe time i do want to be alone i find myself with so many great friends who dont deserve me they dont need mei amjust extra weight holding them back from great things oncei amgone theyll achieve much more than what they have while being friends with me,1
am not sure where to put this but it looks like this person needs help has been posting suicidal things as of late and i dont want them to do iti amputting this here so hopefully someone can help this person out more than i can,1
add an interesting title to your suicidal thoughts planning on killing myself the 18i am already on a therapyst and taking antidepresives but i cant endure all the mess my life is been isolated without real friends for more than 7 years the only person on my family that i cared for my father died long ago 20 years with no studies or ambitions recently breaked up with my gf longdistance relationship she was the only person on my life making me feel happy and wanting to keep alive the only thing ive been doing for months now is watch sarcastic memes and playing vydia 247 on my room while having breakdowns and selfharming methe idea of killing me scares me but living more with this pain n apathy its not worth it i dont want to continue i dont find anything worth living forandsrry for the bad english i guess,1
single no friends no plans or goals whats the point i didnt go to work today i stayed home distracted myself by cleaning ultimately ended up on the floor of my living room hitting myself and crying my ex came by and dropped off some of my things he did some shitty things but he was the only person i had in my life i dont have anyone now i dont know what to do i tried exercising today and as soon as i was done i started crying i just dont want to do any of this anymore i dont see myself going anywhere or doing anything worth remembering ,1
amvery close to ending it i found out my relationship is a lie in a lot of ways our life has been really hard for the past year or so we both have been stressed out and mean to each other hes violent when hes mad not towards me though hell scream at me and break my things and he punches books and walls and our bed whilei amon it he was once very sweet and reasonable and i think ive just worn him down by being my old depressive self our relationship was the only thing ive felt okay about in my life it used to give me so much hope and i was going to work hard on myself but we both have to work a lot and were still broke and i cant afford to buy a phone even though ive been without one for two weeks i havent signed up for classes this semester he feels closer to his best guy friend and i understand that but i actually thought i was his best friend i found out that he basically despises me and talks about it with his friend all the timei really just dont have the energy or the fortitude to try any longer ive felt empty my whole life and my whole life ive tried to fill myself with hobbbies and goals and other people ive felt this way as long as i can remember and i tried so hard with this relationshipi just feel like my life will suck no matter whati am not good at anything and even the people who love me cant stand meive written out a long post to my friends and family i have my method here with me and i ampretty surei am going to do this i dont have a working phone and suicide chat hasnt worked the last few times ive tried to use it theyre always offlinei wanted to be stronger than this but i dont feel strong wheni amjust letting a life that i fucking hate happen to me eitheredit update i actually tried to end it and my method didnt work i dont have access to quicker methods and i guess thats for the best though i dont really know how to feel i stepped over that threshold though i was there i was trying to kill myself and in spite of my best effortsi am still alive i no longer feel as desperate to die but i am still just not happy and it just seems like something i will try another day when the occasion arises he stopped me he was at work and he came home and found me and we both cant stop cryingi am still feeling pretty hopeless about our relationship but hes been fighting for it he always decides to step up wheni amdone though and i expect him to phase back into his usual patterns and demeanor within 3 or 4 days,1
requesting all counselors this isnt even a throwaway account but i have all the typical suicidal thoughts etc one thing that frequently triggers them are jobs getting the same old well you arent going to like everyone you work with or work is work its part of the real world all that bullshit i hate it i dont want to put any effort in to living a pointless life but i have a skill in wording convincing chicks for nudes hmu i thought about it and counselors get some decent pay not trying to be a dick but counselling isnt that hard i find giving advice easy and i find talking one on one about a sensitive topic to be easy also i reckon after a little bit of learning the right wording techniques id be pretty damn good at it should i pursue it i have had my fair share of anxiety suicidal thoughts etc perhaps a job as a counselor is a possibility,1
lone parenti feel likei amdrowningi am not going to kill myself thats certain but i think about it often i feel likei amtorn apart insidei work 6 days a week i am a lone parent to 2 kids one has mental health problems and aspergers i do nothing but obsessively clean and look after everyone and just feel likewhy can no one ever even ask how i am i feel lonely and fucked upsometimes i just feel like everyone would be better off without me i live my life with crushing anxiety and low self esteem cos i look like utter shit with horrible teeth fat and bald meh i fucking hate how i looki work all these hours and i amjust treading water permanently skint and i dont lead a good life by anyones standards just feel like fuck this life,1
my life is basically over hello i am not sure who else to turn to so i am on here i have been with my soulmate for 4 years now and with her i was able to get this amazing job but recently i have messed it all up well during the relationship i have been cause texting other woman and this most recent time was the last straw i dont blame her for wanting to leave but i dont understand why i do it either i know in my heart i love her but its likei amtwo different people anyways i dont think she is going to stay with me anymore and on top of that i am probably going to lose my job and all my friendsfamily i dont want to move on to anything else in my mind there is nothing after her and i cant even bare the thought of not being with her for even a second i will find out soon if she will ultimately leave me which means i will find out soon if i am going to commit suicide i dont know what else to do or anything and i amlost but i know in my heart suicide is the only way out thank you for reading,1
almost a year since my last attempt and now i feel that way again i dont want to tell anyone because that hospital stay was the worst thing to ever happen to me i will lose my job if i get hospitalized again or even ifi amno longer stable the job ive wanted since i was 8 i was fine then it all came crashing down it just doesnt feel worth fighting anymore,1
cheated on my gf i want to kill myself i m28 cheated on my gf f27 she caught me sexting it was a one time slip up for me and i hate myself for it i feel like i am selfish to the point all i care about is me and no one else she didn t deserve this all i have been able to think about the last 3 days is how i can kill myself,1
why cant i just kill myself i wrap a noose around my bed post and slide down my bed my vision gets blurry and i feel numb all over but i dont have the courage to fully succumb to the pain and go unconscious would this count as a suicide attempt or me just being a wuss,1
what do i hold on for there is still hope,1
doctor here can anyone in europe hell this person this is a post i responded to in askdocs he sent me a very concerning pm,1
is it worth ending it all i just cant seem to let go of the pastive had suicidal tendencies since i was 12 years old and while they came and wentnothing has really changed the way they affect mei was 12 years old at the time and the factors which really affected me were bullying and poor academic performance in schooli was also bullied by my older brotherwhich didnt help that i was obese and insecure at the timeover the yearsi began to realize i have very high functioning depressionit seems like some days things are okand i can do onand other feel like i was want to put pistol to my head and just end it alli havent seen a therapist about any of thiswhich is something i likely should dobut i digressin my teen yearsi went through some pretty traumatic events which caused me to be almost kidnapped and basically fearing for my life and living alonethis eventually led to my family being forced to flee our home country and move to another onethis event is honestly what made a previously bad mental health situation for me far worsewhen i arrivedi had never felt more alone in my lifei was quite literally living alone in a 1br apartment by myself and spent whole months in isolation besides being in community collegecoping with everything was just the hardest thingi felt like everyday life and just existing was a burden i didnt want to deal witheventuallyi managed to pull throughbut thats not without attempting suicide twiceonce was by swallowing a whole bottle of sleeping pillswhich i ended up throwing upthe second attempt is one which is not only sadly ironicas it is unsuccessfulit was my 21st birthday and i was going to go for dinner with my brother and his gfi didnt have a gfnor any friendsso it was just them twoi was in my room getting readyputting my shirt onthen my jeansi reached for my belt and just out of no where the room just felt darknot literallybut it felt cold all of a suddenjust very coldquiet and darkmy breath became very shallow as i looked over my closet which had a clothes rack on itit just felt like i had to do itin that momenti just felt a world of emptinessfear and sadness come upon me in an instant and i the only way to deal with it was to hang myselfso i got my beltput it around my neck and tied it as tight as i couldi got on my knees in the closettied the other end to the rack and proceeded to push myself forward and put all the weight on my necki did that for 2 minutes or so and began coughing and chokingi couldnt do iti untied the beltput it on my waist and havent attempted sincei dont know wtf is wrong with methat night i had a good dinnerbut deep down inside i was just rottingits been three years since i attemptedi tried to take of myselfi went back to my home countrywhich i left five years ago and i felt crushedi went back to my old housewhich was sold and couldnt go in where all these events happened and after speaking to new homeowneri tried to go in just to see what it was liketo relive what was a relatively happy time in my life to what it is now and the guy said noi was so crushedeverything i had knownall my friendsmy experiencesmy homemy whole life was gone due to the fucked up circumstances that led to me leavingi went back two months ago and came back to the us a month ago and it hurts me every single dayi have the chance to move backbut theres little opportunity there for mei really dont know where to go from hereive thought about just going for the third attemptim afraid i will be successful this time aroundmy plan is to hang myself againbut this timetape my hands behind my backi dont know if i can go in with this kind of pain anymoretldr was forced to leave home countryspent months in isolationattempted suicide twice and going for the third attempt,1
destiny i started college one week after my 16th birthday i got a huge academic scholarship to go to a nice private university and everyone was so proud of me i got used to everyone boosting my ego and calling me a genius everything started going downhill when i started dabbling in the drugs drinking and partying i was such a smart kid but the pressure to keep being the person when i started struggling a lot in school because i wanted to be friends with all the wrong people through my newfound freedom in college i never really found that balance in college between friends and academics it was either one or the other when i was 18 i racked up thousands in credit card debit that i can never escape but it was okay because i kept up that facade of a care free lifestyle growing up dirt poor and abused for all of my life until i left for college this was the life i thought i deserved for all of my handwork wrong i shouldve kept trying harder but my parents never taught me how to be a good person i cant blame them entirely though because i know now what is right and what is wrong but i choose the wrong path every time at 19 i didnt do so well on my grad school entrance exam so i had to retake and take a year off well this wasnt really an option for me because i would always take massive student loans out to be able to live in nice apartments and not have to actually have a job i didnt think i could get a job with my major either this was where things really fell apart my parents pressured me into staying in school for another year and take out those loans because they made me believe i wouldnt last in the real world without financial aid turns out they were stealing money from me for 4 years through my financial aid account and were trying to keep the cash flow going during this year i was so ashamed to tell my friends that i hadnt gotten a degree so i lied i lied to everyone all the time that i got my degree then the lies got bigger because that wasnt enough to appear normal i became a babysitter while taking online classes didnt want to run into anyone on campus but i lied all over social media and in person that i had this kickass lifestyle and job i feel horrible that i did all of that but i just wanted to be fit in like all of my young professional friends i couldnt because i had the maturity of a 20 year oldat 20 things started looking up i got into grad school with a great scholarship i was so happy my parents were finally proud of me again everything felt great again because i had buckled down and tried so hard to get into the 75th percentile of my entrance exam then things started getting bad again during the summer i was taking 3 classes that i needed to pass in order to get my degree and start grad school finally i couldve graduated a year ago but i kept going to school for financial aid this was the worst decision of my life i had signed my lease already in a different city had a roommate borrowed 3000 for various expenses thought i was going to be reimbursed with my scholarship and i event went to orientation i dont know what happened i dont know what i did to become so stupid but i failed one of the required classes by 02 i needed a 60 to pass and i got a 598 i pleaded with the professor and then appealed to the dean i got a cold callous response how could i miss the final exam because i thought it was optional i had read the syllabus over and over i had sat in class why couldnt i focus and comprehend what happened to me why did the words get jumbled up when i read them and i couldnt understand this has never happened to me before the professor and the dean thought i was incompetent which i am i explained everything to them about my situation and what failing the class would mean my professor told me your destiny is in your hands not mine i fucked up my destiny i couldnt tell anyone about this not even the people closest to me in my life because i had already spun everyone this web of lies luckily the grad school let me defer for a year because during the year that i spent leaching off of financial aid and after i got into grad school i started failing my classes because i didnt think they mattered my gpa dropped by 45 i couldnt get into the school again if i had to reapply stupid right i made stupid decisions and i became stupidwhere am i today well its supposed to be my first month of grad school in a new city surrounded by passion for the field i love and intelligent wonderful people but instead i am sharing a one bedroom apartment with my older brother who supports me in every aspect of life i love and appreciate him so much because hes the one person i can be honest with because i know hell love me anyways i cant get a good job because i dont have a degree i dont really know whati am going to be doing for this next year but i barely ever leave the apartment or do anything thats not watching tv and getting highi amlostmy breaking point of how much everything sucks is that this man harassed and berated me in the parking garage for almost hitting him while on my way up he followed me all the way up to my assigned parking spot waited for me to get out of the car with my groceries and started screaming at me when i did i calmly apologized but he wouldnt stop i have been so hurt since that happened last week because i already have horrible selfesteem and negative interactions like that just destroy me he just wouldnt leave me alone and i didnt understand why my kindness didnt fix things yesterday i got a package and attempted to pick it up from the leasing office they said i couldnt because it had my brothers name on it weird because i know it was mine my brother came down this morning and they said i couldnt get any mail delivered here because my name wasnt on the lease and further went on to say that i almost hit someone in the parking garage so they lied to me yesterday i cant even stand up for myself my name cant be on the lease because my parents fucked up my renters history and i have terrible credit i feel trapped in a one bedroom box another reason not to leave my house anymore i cant do anything right i cant even live like a hermit righti dont know howi am going to finish this year off i just feel so broken i used to be this beautiful successful witty and full of life girl but underneath all of that is just the person i am today a leech a liar a worthless filler of space i thought i could change my life and make some difference but i cant escape my destiny i try to be nice to people and i get walked all over all my friends are moving on and here i am digging myself into a deeper hole,1
concerned for a friend wont add too many details as they browse reddit heavily a friend has always been the type to joke and troll a lot but lately she has seemed very depressed staying home most of the time seeing no point to normal living this person wants the whole world to be at their beck and call and anything less isnt worth living it sounds clinically delusional to me like severely warped expectations at the same time we hang out and have a good time from time to time and all seems well but the way they casually talk about killing themselves not in a joking way in a very serious way obviously has me concerned i have been reaching out and i am trying to be a very positive voice in her life and it seems like things are marginally improving over time i would be worried that reporting my friend to a suicide watch or pushing them into therapy might alienate them from one of their only friends and positive influences me so far i feel good about the progress made but it would be devastating if they went through with a suicide and i didnt do everything possible to prevent it would welcome any advice ,1
lonely depressed and suicidal hello everyonerecently ive been in a state where for the past couple of weeks now ive been at a loss of any kind of interaction with my friends for further context i found that even with new friends that ive made through school hospitalization etc just dont care about me and i feel as if they pass me off as if i dont exist before pushing them away because of this in these past couple of weeks i would always genuinely wonder how they were doing so id ask with little to no responses i just know it goes a long way with me when someone takes time to ask me howi am doing so id try to communicate with my friends as much as possible because i love and care about them but would they say the same back the thing is in these past few months any friend that ive had has left me for something or someone better over different situations and those that still try and put minimal effort into being relevant in my life rarely ever call or text to say hi or ask howi am doing it hurts you knowi am not trying to come off as egotistical but ive always cared for people in my life and i always look to let them know i care just by being there for them whenever and i guess maybei aminvisible to them or not important on their own paths in life based on how they treat me back its always been me texting or calling first despite the immense amounts of anxiety that it gives mei am sorry i know it doesnt sound like much of a problem but i havent always had friends just recently in high school sophomore year junior now was when things started to pick up for me in my social life things were going great for awhile actually and now like i shouldve anticipated everything seems to be against me people i used to talk to dont bother with me anymore i cant show my face in school because of rumors spread last school year and even those friends that stuck after those rumors settled the ones that i knew wouldnt buy the bullshit have just seemed to vanish i guess they werent saying anything to me for days so i just turned my phone off because i was hurting enough already from other things i wont talk about in this i turned it on to post this however and there was still nothing i dont know what i did to those close friends i still had i barely know why rumors were started about me other than that i heard my ex spread them to see me suffer again when i and they knew that i was moving on and doing better in short i dont know whyi ambeing treated like this high school is a nasty place being a teenager is even worse my depression and anxiety have seemed to skyrocket from years ago and only keep affecting me more and more everyday and i just dont know how much more of it i can take ive already been hospitalized because of a suicide attempt several months ago over being trapped in my own thought and because of those rumors that ultimately led to a bad rep harassment and bullying to notei am still harassed by people connected with my ex which i also guess goes as cyberbullying as well another reason why i keep my phone off i just wish those people knew the truth i wish they couldve heard me crying for days and nights on end because of how one false rumor led to a lot truly a lot that i my family friends that stuck with me and god even my ex probably subtly knew i didnt deserve anyway being in that mental hospital for a week put a lot of strain on my family and honestly being lonely like this everyday sure as hell doesnt benefit them as it only makes my depression so much worse to be isolated like this my point is the thoughts of thinking that life is meaningless are returning because my experiences in life have only proven that this happens time and time again never has a single person in my life just seemed to have cared like legitimately as in sure ive had nurses that have taken care of me therapists that listen to me and other forms of support but theres one thing in common with them all and its that they likely know theyre being paid to care about me saying that sounds fucked but i do know theyre goodhearted people its just paying people to hear me out doesnt seem too right in my mind i think its more right that we should be able to share our emotions our problems and just pay ourselves in the way of knowing that we simply helped someone id say the only person that cares deep down is my mom but ive stopped telling her about my problems because i feel as if itd be easier for her if i stopped and just died after all the emotional stress ive especially put on her and the rest of my familyi am in the process of writing and rewriting notes for when i decide to leave its only a matter of time before something new pushes me over the edge or when that thought telling me that life will always be like this wins and itd truly be for good this time i promise myself that maybe i should set a date and if things arent better by then yeahim sorry if this was long i needed a place to put my mind onto paper where people would see it and hopefully understand me for once in a long long time ive never sent or posted anything this long so i may regret and delete it but the thought will still remain from the paragraph before this one back to binging netflix i should also note that my mom thinksi amslowly becoming anorexic based on how little she thinks i eat everyday and the weight loss shes noticed i dont know if this is the right place to post about that but regardless ive come to realize after a bit she may be right we all struggle with something so from my heart i hope the best and most peaceful moments for everyone here feel free to reply id really appreciate it goodnight ,1
goodbye my date of death 12th of september 2017i amabout to end my life whoever reads this you are one of the last people to witness what i say its my last wordsim 18 ive learnt that life is survival of the fittesti amthe opposite ugly fat my grades are dogshit and no friends everyone says that exam was easy but i get ungradable they are that bad i fail at everything i do and alsoi am so stupid seriously something is wrong with metry to enjoy what you have and be grateful its better than minekind regards goodbye adam,1
i feel like i cant breathe i was hospitalized twice over the past two months for my mental health issues i thought i was improving but these past few weeks have been shit and tonight ive just been spontaneously crying and having frequent panic attacks i dont want to end it but at the same time i feel i must for being the sort of person i am a worthless ugly female of all things with no talents of any kind and nothing inherently decent to offeri dont know how much more of this i can take i want to scream or just lie down forever,1
am still alive my lack of knowledge where the heart is made me miss the fatal blow by few inches away why didnt they just let me diei amsick and tired of people saying i got my life ahead of me and i am still young and i shouldnt kill myself and i amjust overeacting to a heart break well this heart break had just killed me in the inside whats wrong to be completely dead ive got nothing left inside me now love is a very funny because the thing is no matter how hard i tell her that she meant alot to me how much i tell her i love her how i would sacrifice everything just to be with her and yet she just look away from it like my feelings doesnt mean anything to her its so hard to confess that you love someone that you adore everything about them but its so easy to say no to shot you down just because you missed out certain thing that they want the feeling of dying seems alot comforting than to live one of more second of my pathetic life ,1
am not me anymore sorry if this is all over the placebeen depressed for as long as i can remember always try to smile on the outside but insidei amdead anxiety social anxiety depression and i thinki ambipolar 21 and havent got a job yet nobody to stand by me nobody to tell me its ok not like id believe them anyways were basically homeless right now so i cant just leave my mom and sister like that once we get our place though i think itll be my time been cutting my wrists to see if it would hurt it didnt carved fuck into my leg didnt feel a thing weed is my fucking lifeline right now but whenever i run out in comes the depressed state where i just want to sleep all day wish i would just get shot or stabbed already i no longer fear the razor though so thats probably gonna be my way out dont know exactly when or where but i know its gonna happen cant think straight anymore fuck life ,1
everyday of my life everyday i wake up i think of suicide even though i dont want to die i dont want to live if it means that this is to be my life always alone always searching always fighting always living everyday of my life so empty,1
amdonei am in class about to have a mental breakdowni amsick of failing at committing suicide i have so many attempts i just wish it would work whats a quick way of achieving suicide when i get homei amgonna do it mom if youre not off work in time i love you ,1
i have no motivation and want to die i cant get myself motivated to do anything anymore i want to succeed in life and go to a good university but i can never make the effort needed to get it done very rarely i get glimpses of motivation but as soon as something isnt the way i thought it would be i plummet and lose all hope for my future and my life every day i think about how i want to die and ways of doing it and when i should do it i think the only thing stopping me from doing it is how it would affect my family but lately i cant help myself from thinking about how they might not care i usually can convince myself they will but lately it had been getting harderi cant maintain a normal sleep schedule anymore now i just sleep till 5pm and am awake till 8am ive tried to talk to family or even councilors about what is happening but ive lost trust in telling my family these things and the last councilor started to ignore our calls to book appointments whenever i do try to tell people how i feel i cant fully tell them the truth and end up lying to them so they dont have to worryi hate everything about myself i hate my hobbies i hate how i am a failure and i hate how i put on a mask to keep my friends and family from worrying more and more lately i just dont see the point of living and i amstruggling keeping my emotions in check one minute i will be happy sitting there watching a show and the next minute i will be super sad thinking about how i want to die or super angry wanting to break somethingi dont know why i posted this on here maybe its a last ditch effort to see if anyone bothers to reply or say something that might help i fear that one day something will happen with a close family member or friend that will be the breaking point and i wont be able to convince myself not to end my life ,1
amshaking i feel so alone nothing matters number 8 thats the number i got in line for the suicide hotline to even think that 7 other people are in front of me makes it all feel so utterly pointlessim at work everyone just carrying on was thinking about hanging myself i work from home so its not like anyone would notice until the wife got hometold her i really need a therapy visit but the earliest availability for the therapist is the same time she gets off at work asked if she could ask off early she says no she understands why i want her toher job makes her happy unlike mine which makes me want to kill myselfi amtrapped in my house on computers that i barely understand to do thingsi amjust barely capable or incapable of doing always hanging on by a thread 247today feels like a good day to do it i cant leave my job without being marked a failure lots of people depend on me as the sole person working on a big project for my company i cant bear to quit on the spot and be blacklisted from the only job ive ever really held down in my main career fieldim the breadwinner but my wife wants her job to be more important since it helps her escape me and my depressionanxiety the world is going to end soon anyways whether its a super volcano or another world war at least i lived through some good timesat this point i dont even work i just stare blankly at my screen waiting for my time to roll around hoping i will just die to a heart attack from my anxiety so at least i can say i worked myself to death but even that would be a lie i do nothing all day every day being dead would be better than being a leech on some honest and good company that other people depend on for their livelyhoodmy wife doesnt care about how i feel and she knows that i know shes put herself first and i get it id do the same it just feels so horrendously awful that i just want the pain to go away,1
every night i dream of different ways to kill myself ive been watching the show hannibal recently which i think has sparked some pretty wild dreams i always have very vivid and realistic dreams but lately they have been about me committing suicide and they are very gorey spellingi just want it to endi lost my job in june and have been fucked since i could ask my family to borrow money but theyve already helped so much without me asking that i feel so guilty asking for even 20 i applied to drive for lyft and all i have to do is the inspection but my car is out of gas soi amstuck between a rock and a hard place whats really been stressing me out is right after i lost my job i got a ticket for marijuana possession in my car i had a valid doctors recommendation but since i had a bowl packed in my front seat they gave me a ticket the reason i was pulled over was for expired registration which ive paid since i went onto the court website and it told me i qualified to pay the fixit portion for the registration which i believe is 35 my bank accounts are both overdrawn and i maybe have 080 in coins but otherwise the ticket said around 1400 it allowed me to postpone the court date by a month which will now be in a few days i really dont know what to do and cant really ask my family about it because they dont condone smoking weed i know i need to get my original ticket siged to prove my registration is now valid but i still have no way of paying either the fix it portion or the i willegal possession portion of the ticketthe only thing keeping me from quitting is my cat he is my everything he doesnt get along with anyone but me so i know he would be the most devastated if i left him i really dont want to leave him but i feel as though there isnt another choice i rescued another kitten from the streets that my best friend found i opened a care credit card to pay for his vet visits they have been calling every day for the past 2 months asking for payment which i dont have i put him up for adoption on craigslist because he fights with my other cat constantly which pisses me off to no end i was looking forward to a few bucks from it to get me started on lyft so i can maybe start paying things back but my brothers girlfriend found out and wants to take him for her mom i feel terrible asking her for money for him so i didnt she said she will pick him up friday night but i really need the money i dont know what to do i dont know how to feel i just feel hopeless and that is it,1
if my family goes homeless sorry for posting again but i just had this though and if my family goes homeless which is a case of 35 happening i am just gonna say fuck it i am out because you cant comeback from a situation like this here in greece,1
not sure ifi am in the right place things came to a head tonighti have been fighting with my wife and my mother is dying stage 4 lung cancer that has spread to her lymph nodes in neck and is cutting off her right lung add this with years of depression and you get me staring at the end of a shot gun i was debating getting on something but i was trying chantix to quit smoking i am now not a quitter so i was just wondering how has anti depressants treated you also i will be getting on something cause i literally have toit was more of just a straight up break down than a recurring issue but still i am aware enough to know this is serious af,1
this is not a scream for attention just read my story and tell me what to do hi reddit i am writing this post because i feel realy bad the last months and its not getting any better i am 16 years old and i go to school from monday till friday every time i come home from school i get overwhelmed by the feeling that i am completly alone there is no one i can tell this story to and that they wont think am crazy that is why i post this on reddit sorry if this is going to be with a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes english isnt my first languagewhere it startedit all started half a year ago when i realised that a was in a friend group where they treated me like shit and they invited me bc i had money i made the deccision to not hang out with them and hang out with other friends but all those other friends where just school friends so after school i always am and feel alone my relationship with my dad has its ups and downs my dad is an alcoholic that get realy agressive when he gets drunk and that is very often this leads most of the times to him hitting me and that happens pretty often the friends i used to hang out with started hating on me school when they saw an ugly girl they came to me and sais they founded my girlfriend every i walk thru the halways the all started shouting my names first of all i thought it was just something silly and that it would pass away if i ignored it but it got worse the started coming to my house at night and somtimes piss in my front yard they started intimidating me so i would give them money and kicked me to the ground several timeswhat nextone time i was feeling so bad about this that i told my best friend i thought he would understand but instead he called me a pussy i think he did that because he is also a little friends with those guys and he is afraid to back me up what happend yesterdayso after my best friend also left me i thought it was my only option to kill myself so when my parents where away i grapped a rope and tighted it around my neck and to a wooden plank that is right under the ceiling of my room i jumped of my chair and when i almost passed away the wooden plank broke and i fell down i started to panic and i threw the rope away i told my father i broke the plank because i was just playing around and wasnt paying attenion and what am asking is what to do beacause i am not going to attempt to kill myself again but the life am living right now is making me feel worse every single day and i know a lot of you have a worse life but i dont feel safe nowhere not at home not on school i dont have friends to go to anymore so how can i get out of this situation,1
pills pills pills in the process of my third od this month this time its going to work my stomach is already severely fuckeda friend attempted suicide last night three others are self harming regularly my flatmates are mad at me and my psychiatrist is super overbearinghope everyone else is doing alright,1
thursday the 14th ive been planning my suicide for thursday the 14th for about a month now its the day before mock exams take place i dont even feel an ounce of stress for anything which stops me from ever putting work into anything ive got no futurei am too scared to take a single step out of my comfort zone and i am too anxious to ask for help the past week ive spent the nights in bed wanting to cry so badly but nothing comesi amjust this void of nothingness i dont even want to talk to close friends about this because i will just come across as attention seekingi amjust going to see how the school day is and most probably end it all finally,1
am not sure if i can do this for much longer i really really dont want to do anything drastic but i just want to get out of this cycle of failure sadness and selfhate i dont like asking for help here because most of you are coping with much more grave issues i am a 25year old masters student who was on the brink of suicide last year the biggest problem in my life has been selfdiagnosed adhdor maybei amjust useless even though i am not unintelligent adhd has prevented me from achieving anything significant in my present course i am doing quite well but only becausei amstudying all the time to make up for poor quality and a number of personal disasters have also occurredmy gf died earlier this year after suffering from severe ailments of various kinds and when i finally got selected for a field trip programme to germany which i thought would be my big break the insurance companies fucked my policies up lengthening my wait for the visa my study town is also an unpleasant place simply adding to the morass of unpleasant thoughts going through my mind right now i dont really know what to do part of me even regrets not committing suicide last year as it is simply not an option anymore ,1
the pills didnt work tonight i hang so stomach pumping is fun tonight i hang,1
well todays the day ive had today picked out for awhile and i have a mixture of emotions but i plan on doing it tonight but i still have to go buy my gun and i am so freaking lazyi amworried i wont be motivated enough to go get it the gun place opens so early and closes early so i wont be able to get any sleep if i want to go get it it would be easier for me thursday because i wont have work i want to just ask to borrow some elses gun but everyone knows why id want iti am so sleepy i just wanted to tell you guys that today was my last dayim going to play some destiny and then go to bed its pretty bad that i actually do have a small amount of will power to live longer but it is 100 only because i want to play some more destiny,1
why the fuck was i diagnosed with shizophrenia when chillpills did well off the bat nowi ambeing given a shizo pill after a shizo pill while all i have is some anxiety and depression no antidepressants either the worst part is thati am not allowed to not use them else i dont get support money from the gov supposedlyi am so pissed right nowall i want to do is talk to a psychotherapist for a while but thats expensive thats what i need the support money forand my previous pills risperidone made me gain weight and grow a pair of tits thats right friends a pair of fucking mantits that fucking hurt and i just wish those go away somehowi cant even put into words how terribly angry and bad i feel right nowi ampast my bedtime and i just cant give any fucks right now i want to die already i wish i never existed i wish this shit never fucking happened to me i didnt deserve any of this 6 years ago and i dont deserve it now and there was no reason for this shit to happen to me,1
hey sw my girlfriend yesterday attempted suicide by od with pills what do i do and say ive been struggling with depression for about three and a half yearsi amsixteen and my girlfriend is fifteen and has been struggling with depression and other mental i willnesses for about five yearsscreenshots can be given if absolutely necessary and please ask questionsi am an open book and you can ask anything for the purpose of helping me and herthanks for reading and i sincerely hope me and her can get over this together,1
i want to ask for help from my family but that will change their view of me permanently and i am too afraid of fucking everything up but at the same time i cant stop crying it feels like they dont love me but i know they doi amjust in a fucked up mind state right now i know that if i tell them how i feel theyll be supportive and help me but if they know itll change their view and treatment of me permanently i cried myself to sleep last night and i thought id start to feel better today but the same shit is happening i wanna die but i wont because i dont have the guts but its freaking me out howi amfeeling right now becausei ampretty sure somethings wrong with menow thati amactually genuinely contemplating suicide and the thoughtsfeelings arent leaving i should ask for help but i am so afraid of what theyll think of me i dont want them to view me as pathetic or sick especially in comparison to my older sister saying that i might have depression is going to change everything but its been two days straight where i feel this low and its draining the life out of me please help me out what do i do and how do i do it,1
am i wrong my now ex boyfriend broke up with me so that he can figure life out he was the only reason i liked being alive he was my flame i had something to look forward to i had a reason to improve myself without him i have no desire to live no desire to improve myself i have nothing i get that it is unfair to him but i cant help that i cant find any internal motivations to live i just dont know what to do and i dont know what will happen if he doesnt come back ,1
i wish i could just escape from everything but its a little difficult to escape from whats in your own head i wish i could just kill myself i want to so badly i think about it all the time it feels like the only means of escapeeverything in life is just so filled with pain i seem to be constantly afflicted with some sort of psychological torment or another everything hurts in some way theres just this constant black pit of negative emotion eating at me from the inside i cant take it it eats away at my soul i dont even know who i am anymore if i ever did theres just depression and everything that comes along with iti just want to escape from it i want it gone i dont want to feel this way anymore i just want everything to be okay for onceits been so long though so very very long my mental i willnesses began when i was around 11 or 12 years oldi am25 now along the way depression sort of became a part of who i am part of my identityit eats away at my soul then takes its placei hate iti hate the emotional pain and mental agony i hate the constant stress and anxiety i hate the terror and despair i hate being so useless so worthless i hate being unable to live my life due to the sickness that has permeated the very core of my beingi want it all gone i just want to be okay its so hopelessive tried so much noone can help me and i cant help myself i seem to be utterly incapable of it no matter what i do or how hard i try i just cant do it it feels like my pain has become such an integral part of me that no matter what i or anyone else does i cannot separate from iti cant escape itnot unless i kill myself its the only option available the only escape i can havei wish i could do iti am so tired of feeling this way i cant take iti am so weaki just want to escape,1
how to stop my desire of kill myself i actually got here looking on google how to convince myself for suicide but i just got a lot of pages trying to convince me to stay alive i wish i could just stop my mind and suicidal thoughts by reading the web or just by talking good things to myself but my mind doesnt stop i am literally sleeping no eating got the las 3 days i should be working in my home based business but cant even step out of bed last night i put q lot of effort to get myself into the shower because i needed to relax and stop my stupid mind but it dos not work and while i was there i almost went out to grab something to cut my wrist i tought of my mom so i could and start crying because she doesnt deserve the pain of a death daughter i stayed under the shower for a couple minutes trying to put myself together i went to sleep had lots of bad dreams and this morning the same story i have no energy no streght to step out of bed or get me something to eat i want and i am looking for a way to die i cant fail if i try because could no live with that shame does anybody have overcome such a darl phase i can think of very good reason to stay alive i actually love live when i am not so depressed but know how to manage my thoughts and i feel scary of my own mind i do not know for how long i will keep trying to do not listen to the part of me that wants to be death ,1
open apology to no one and everyone this is sort of an apology postits not directed toward anyone really but at the same time its directed toward everyone i split it into paragraphs so its easier to readim sorry i dont post quality content on social mediai am sorry that my posts arent up to your standardsi am sorry that i try so god damn hard to please you guys and it still isnt enough i post 5060 times a day on all of my social media and get zero comments yet at the same time i see people with less followers than me get hundreds and hundreds of comments on all of their posts combinedi cant exactly complain about it because every time i do i get the same excuses over and over againsorry i was busy sorry i have schoolwork sorry i was hanging out with my familysorry sorry sorry all i hear isi am sorry everyone says sorry and yet nobody makes an effort to interact with mei know i sound like a broken record but its true i feel likei amsaying the same crap every day of my life on my old account on google when i was fifteen i had between 100 and 200 followers i dont remember the exact amount i had the exact same amount of follwers then as i do on google now but back then i was actually popularback then i didnt even need to tag people in my posts because every post i made would get as much as 30 comments and 10 1smy favorite part of using google when i was popular was that i always had that one post that got hundreds and hundreds of likes and shares but got zero commentsthats not the case here i have to tag people in every single post i make or else my posts get zero comments and they barely get three likesthis isnt a cry for attention by the way its a simple observation i posted the same content that i did then but for some reasoni amignored nowim sorryi am not attractivei am sorryi am not attractivei am sorryi am not a perfect fucking modeli am sorry i weigh over two hundred pounds and have more than thirty stretch marks all over my god damn body it makes me feel sad that i actually am afraid to show a picture of myself anymoreill talk to a girl and well become the best of friends but then the second i show her what i look like she tells me i gotta goi hear the same lies all the time i gotta go i will brb i gotta go hang out with my family i need to leave for a bitthey always say that after i show them a pic of me then they never talk to me again or best of all they block metheyd rather block me then tell me the truth that they dont like me and it sucks and when i post a picture of myself on social media i have to filter it or people will make fun of me call me ugly call me a thirty year old pedophilei am18 guys so stop it one time i posted a picture of myself and someone said to me youre so ugly that its bullshit that people actually find you cute and theyre lying to you to make you feel better yet arent you supposed to post a picture of yourself to get a girlfriend onlineim sorryi am not up to par with dating etiquittei am sorry that ive never had a girlfriend before in my life and i guess that makes me undateablei am an 18 year old single virgin whos never even had his first kiss her every time i get together with a girl she leaves me in three days and it makes me feel pathetic and inadequate the women who stay with me longer are the ones who pity me women stay with me until they find an excuse to leave me and when they find an excuse they fucking take it nobody wants to date me and it makes me feel pathetic the entire god damn summer i never left my apartment because i felt insecure about seeing people in a relationship one time i started socializing at my apartment pool found a decently attractive women in her thirties who surprise has a boyfriendim sorry i existi am sorry i was even born into this world people make it so obvious they dont want to be around me unless i initiate conversations nobody texts me they do if they want something but never any time else and i feel alone all the time i have no friends and my only two best friends irl left one i had to cut out of my life because he was appeasing me and the other moved id kill myself if i were suicidal but i am noti amjust really deeply depressedi am not a failed abortion my parents wanted me but i was a stillborn and i wish my parents left me deadim sorry for everything,1
getting it all of my chest i m not a good person i treat the people i care about like shit i lie constantly i steal i m just a generally shitty person i m not happy i doubt i ever will be i ve felt this way since i was seven fucking seven over half my life spent hating myself and wishing i was dead i m probably going to be this way for the rest of my life i can t do that that fucking terrifies me i ve tried to get better the medication either makes it worse or doesn t help therapy is just arseholes trying to force ideas and issues onto me just so i fit into a neat little box for them i ve been sent to hospital because they were that worried i was going to kill myself nothing helps at this point i m convinced the only way for me to get better is to find some way to solve my problems by myself i ve spent the last twelve years trying to get better by myself but i can t i m too weak my family are incredibly supportive but i can t rely on them when they know i m feeling shit they try to help but it just makes me feel ten times worse it tears me apart knowing they re going out of their way to try and help i seem to cock up everything i do i ve dropped out of two colleges and i can t hold down a job there s not much going on on the social front either i ve cut off all of my friends except for one person i ll get to him soon i ve tried to make new friends i picked up new hobbies and got myself out of the house to meet new people it doesn t work people seem to like me in the moment but never want to actually be around me i ve been told i across as weird and rude i get that i can be kinda aggressive at times but i don t mean to be i hate that i m like that i don t want to be like that i just want people to like me i was meant to be meeting someone to see about testing me to see if i m on the autism spectrum but that just didn t materialize to be honest as lonely as i am the thought of being around other people terrifies me as for that friend i mentioned i met him online a few years ago and in that he s became the best friend i ve ever had i love him like a brother honestly he s the only reason i haven t just hung myself yet no matter how much i want to do it i won t because it would fucking devastate him he has his own problems to deal with i shouldn t be dumping mine on him i just want it to stop hurting i m sick of feeling this way and i don t know what to do any more thanks for reading reddit i needed to get that off my chest,1
i want to say goodbye so bad but i just cant do it why cant someone just murder me or some freak accident happen,1
should i suicide i am 15 and my family is really poor i live in europe and i am tired to live in povetry its so depressing even though i have everything that i edd my father is about to close his meat shop and my mother is getting 250 euros a month i am good at school but who cares tell me opinions also my only passions are basketball and video games i know that i cannot be a pro basketball player and if i cant i wanna follow video game creation everyone harasses me of my economical state and i cant stand it i am literally working very hard to train myself at basketball and get my profiencecy degree at english i know that i can et it but it 180 euros and if i fail i will be very depressed because my paents will say that i wasted this much money but dont get me wrong my parents love me and my sister but in this economical state everything seems black,1
what if you just dont like living i hate when people say all of the things in your life are fixable because i dont want to die due to personal problemsi hate when people say well find a job you love because i hate the concept of having to work there is nothing thati ampassionate about that i want to turn it into a full time job and even if there was i dont want my passions to turn into yet another means of making money maybe if you have a college degree you have more options as to what youre able to achieve but what about those of us working shit jobs who have no degrees not everyone can drop everything in their lives live in a van and just travel the worldi hate being human i hate how people make assumptions about peoples appearance and then dont bother to see if what they think is true i hate how outgoing narcissistic people get ahead way more than those who are less popular but by no means less qualified i hate how stupid vapid and easily manipulated human beings are the world is just a popularity competition based on how many people like you why should i have to go out of my way to force people to like me this society was shaped by narcissistic sociopaths for their own benefit i dont care how my friends or family will react because emotions are temporary remember no emotion lasts forever and someday maybe not now or in a few months or years theyll get over it life doesnt stop when one person commits suicide and its not like i will be conscious to regret or miss anything id rather die that go on trying to pretend to be like anyone else i will never be that popular outgoing person that everyone flocks to it just isnt me i cant go back to blinding optimism when ive seen so much terrible shit life is cruel heartless and not worth enduring i just see suicide as a way to opt out permanently ,1
i just want the pain to stop two nights ago i prayed that i wouldnt wake up every day my mind is crowded with thoughts of my own worthlessness i just want the pain to stop,1
just found out the love of my life is engaged to someone elsei am tired of trying to improve the life i chose to ruin this is ending before the weekend dont do it we love you every sigle person in this community this reddit loves you and understands you you have talents just show them to the world,1
people are so mean why must i be so sensitive in this world i am so sensitive i cry easily i am emotionally affected by everything almost i hate it i have anxiety and cant talk to people i cant handle aggression at all i dont want to be here the world feels so cold cruel and distant i feel like a scared deer alone ,1
its not an if its a when i dont like life and it certainly doesnt like me i can be the most fun and outgoing person and after a few weeks at the drop of a hat i will wake up a different person and i barely leave my bed because the weight of existence is just too heavy for me i dont have the balls to kill myself right now but i have come close in the past and i am100 sure itll happen in the future even in my manic states the anxiety of knowing that its only temporary drives me insane its like theres 4 different versions of me living in my head and they constantly fight over whoi amgonna be and when no one is winning for some time i will just be numb i feel disconnected and i cant remember the last time i was close with any other person ive never even felt a part of my family its not that no one cares i just have no one to carei hate my job people treat me like shit i dont make enough money i dropped out of college on an impulse in manic state and i missed out on that window of opportunity i have no one i have no directioni amfati am not well spokeni am not smarti am not really good at anything i have nothing going for mei realize how all over the place this post is and i really have no train of thoughti amjust venting to a depressing subreddit because i know i want to die eventually and i have no one else to even try to talk to i dont even care enough to hide behind a throwaway accountthe worst part of it all is knowing that no matter how hard i try no matter what i do no matter what progress i make i will never truly be better and thats what makes me look forward to it someday being over i know how it endsi amjust waiting for the credits to rollill never be ok i feel so alone all the timei am looking forward to the inevitable end of this and i just hope that i will make friends in some sort of after life,1
please tell me its okay to die no throwaway this timei posted once about 5 years ago on a throwaway when i first had serious suicidal thoughts but my depression has lasted for 10 years now this time thoughi amjust too tired to keep goingi am not the kind to be happy accomplishing things alone i figured that a few years after my depression and my first real attempt at suicidei am not happy unless i can share it with someone else but then i found my first love shortly after for 2 years i was happiest in my life but then after losing her by being cheated on i lost everything worse off then i was before and attempted suicide multiple times the year after for 3 years i held on with daily panic attacks and nightmares with the hope that there will be someone else worth it someone who deserved me and after 3 long painful hollow years i found her i finally had my second chance and for 2 years i was able to see a future and color in my life again now i have lost her too to someone else again and my life is in a loop of nightmaresi dont feel anything anymore as my only thought is that this will all end soon any future now is not one i want to live through with a pain in me again for years and years again like before wishing i was dead wishing i had done it sooneri amdone i can say i triedi just want to end it soon and this time i wont wake up again to my living nightmare i just need to know its okay to die its okay to let go its okay to sleep and forget about all that hurts i will always love her please let me hold on to the last two years of happiness and let me dream them forevermore ,1
amending my life tonight cant take it i cant draw shit cant get good grades cant make any friends i cant do anythingi amfucking pathetic no one will miss me anyways my dads too busy getting drunk to even speak to me now short and sweetpeace out kekistanis mike ,1
it seems to be the only way forward deleted,1
just a few words before i go and hang myself 30 years old virgin no friends no relatives shit job no future no prospects the world is better off without me goodbye everybody,1
all i want is love and affection all i want is affection i never got it as a kid and now to be frank none of my friends how that they care none of them love me back ever since 8th grade ive always wanted a girlfriend not to be cool but to experience the raw feeling of being loved and to love as a senior nothing hurts more than to be rejected by the one you truly love and care for to reject and tell you you arent good enough this friend i cared for she told me everything she was a big part of my thoughts i hate myself for being so mushy and vulnerable but i cant escape these feelings and the longer life goes the larger the desires to be cared for are my life is beginning to spire down and this is one of the reasons whyi am pathetic and disgusting for saying this but the only thing i want is someone to spend time with a girlfriend it really hurts to say that and i am sorry,1
i just really want to end iti amsitting here in the floor drank a bottle of wine listening to the legend of zelda oot start screen music my life is going nowherei am in debt from college loans i dropped out of college multiple times because of depression or maybe laziness most likely i work at a dollar store making barely anything i cant even pay my phone billi amliving with my friend and his gf and i think theyre getting sick of me i have nothing to contribute to this world i have a job thatll pay better and stuff thatll i will be switching too soon but i amprobably going to fuck that up somehow like i always do i joined the air force before but got kicked out of boot camp because i had stress fractures i just cant seem to be good at anything besides menial labor i just want to kill myself ive cut some recently even thoughi am21 and havent done it before theres so much more i want to say but i will just leave it at that i dont feel like i should live anympre becausei am worthless completely fucking worthless,1
what kind of prep before suicide not sure if this breaks the dont be explicit about methods rulebasically are people who are going to commit suicide doing anything else besides maybe writing notes did you make a will close all of your accounts pack up or sell things maybe even take out a life insurance policy several years in advancei just think its already going to be bad for the people who care about me so i dont want them to have more hassle than necessary,1
i think nows my timei am15 i have contemplated killing myself for about a year and i have kind of hit a point i have a great family and a good life with everything i need i just dont see any purpose in life i wake up every morning and curse and punch my wall because i hate living my friends ask me why i look so pissed off and i just say its because i have to come to school i am pissed off that i am alive i wish i could just end it all but i dont want to because my mom dad and sister would be devastated my sister is about to enter college and i dont want her to become so sad that she drops out or becomes distracted i dont want to hurt my parents so bad that they think its their fault or end up suffering for years i also dont want to kill myself because i feel it would be a disservice to all those that are less fortunate then me they might have it so bad but they keep struggling through day to day i have everything i need but yeti am still not satisfied sometimes i lay in bed and cry because i dont see a purpose in living and i think about all the fucked up shit that happens in our world the universe is so big and time moves so fast i dont think anyone would even miss me why does anything i do even matter in the grand scheme of things everything i do good or bad will be lost and forgotten everything i do has no significance and no meaning i want to reach out for help but i just cant bring myself to do it i thought about maybe joining the military and trying to go somewhere dangerous so i could die then at least then at least my parents wouldnt be ashamed of me but that takes to long i need a solution now i have played through the scenario in my head multiple times i would walk in the middle of the night to the freeway overpass and jump off but i just cant bring myself to do it recently my grades have started dropping and my parents are mad at me this is kind of the breaking point if there was already no point in living why make myself suffer more,1
am not okayi amjust tired of people treating me this way but maybe if its happened this many timesi amthe awful one in fact maybe i shouldnt even ask for help because if i vented my story to anyone theyd be reminded of some similar story of it happening to them and hate me sometimes i just wish i hadnt been born a woman so i wouldnt have to deal with this sometimes i just want to cut off my tits and fuck myself with a knife or something then maybe the people ive hurt over the years by being a selfish slut would be a bit happier in their lives i remember being feeling hope because of this ted talk explaining how the stress response was the bodys way of telling us to seek help i guess thats me seeking help and feeling the slightest bit relieved even knowing help isnt coming and that no one will ever agree with me or love me againi amokay with banging against my coffin for a bit longeri amjust tired of letting people believei amwilling to be anything other than what i am a selfish slut ,1
who cares if a sleazy porn director wants to kill himself fuck my life this is not what i wantedi am32 years old and my life is completely fucked up to sum it upi ama porn director living in la all my life i wanted to be an actual filmmaker like john ford and james cameron but life is not whats its cracked up to be and in order to find work i had to work in porn after sending my scripts over to studios like warner bros and fox i got turned every time and even to do this day i still get turned down ive been directing porn for nine years and i amjust tired of it i didnt want this and nowi am going to kill myselfi am sorry baby i know i was the best thing you ever had but i amdone i dont want to be a part of this sleazy industry anymorei amdone ,1
my best friend killed himself and i amnext he wasnt only my friend he was my ex boyfriend my first love my first boyfriend my first everything ever since he died back in may all i think about is killing myself nothing feels real anymore ive read about something called the suicidal trance and i believei am in it the only thing stopping me is the fear that what comes after death and honestly as messed up as it may sound missing out on stuff josh was one of the strongest people i ever knew so losing him was such a shock and i havent been able to cope with it its been four months and every day i get closer and closer to ending it any advice would be greatly appreciated ,1
2 for 2 moved away from my hometown 3 years ago friends basically disowned me family is either abusive or strangers nothing left for me therethe only thing keeping me holding on is that i had people that needed me my wife and my boss2 weeks ago my wife left metoday i got firedim 31 have an obscure ged a spotty work history this is the only job ive had past 3 months and cant answer interview questions correctly especially online where they reword the question and i understand it differently so i answer differently this is due to a learning disability that affects my comprehension and communication skills on top of that i have trouble with tone and ask a lot of questions so i come across as defiant i dont have a backup plan and i amconfident i cant bounce back from this who needs someone with the qualifications of a teenager but with half the durability,1
i cant stop thinking about it i will start by saying that i dont thinki am in serious danger of attempting anything very soon so i understand that there are people on here that need help more pressinglyi came out to my parents as transgender a bit over two years ago it went horribly and i overdosed and ended up spending six months between two mental hospitals anyway my parents came around and i amback home and we love each otheri amout to everyone now which is great but i also live in north carolina which is less greatim called a tranny or a faggot most every day at school it feels like the entire state the entire country even hates me and all trans peoplei have ptsd from being repeatedly raped when i was twelve and i still get delusions and flashbacks it gets worse this time of year as well because its the anniversaryi dont want to die i want to live and have a cool life there are thingsi ampassionate about there are things i want to do there are people who i love and people who love me but i cant stop thinking about it every time i start feeling okay it hits me like a wall what ifi amterrified i dont want to die but i cant get it out of my head,1
my friend is going through some tough times my friend is very emotional and is on the breaking point of suicidei am trying to get as much help as i can to him but its not enough i need to help him,1
please wait for a crisis supporter to respond you are number 10 in the queue please wait for a crisis supporter to respond you are number 10 in the queueall crisis supporters are currently assisting others thanks for your patience a crisis supporter will be with you shortly you are currently 9 in the queue the current average wait time is 20 minutes and 41 secondsfuck that finally get the courage to try a help line and get that why bother dont know why anyone bothers in the first place not like anybody can actually help anybody i was only expecting a bunch of preplanned form responses and useless assertations that it was going to be ok anyway,1
i just want to stop hurtingi amjust so tired of it all everything goes wrong and i am too stupid to prevent it no matter how hard i try i even screw up when i try to kill myself i just dont know what to do anymore,1
my worth is 40 all my friends ive ever had fall into one of two categories they either used for their advantage they felt bad for me or both i wanted to kill myself a few weeks ago and ended up in a psych ward after i got out the only friend i had left that i thought i could trust asked to hang out he asked if i could get him some weed i said yes i bought him 40 worth of weed and told him to pay me back when he could a few weeks later i asked him to pay me back he read my message then and the a few days later he blocked me i then tried to kill myself when i realized no longer had anyone i failed and ended up in a psych ward again my whole i always try to treat the people around as best i can and every time people treat me with shitiness in return the problem is with me which is why i need to kill myself i cant end up in psych ward again like a failureedit i made this post before i went to bed and just woke up now holy shit your guys are so incredibly kind whenever i feel down againi am going think about everybody who replied here thank you so much everybody my day is off to an amazing start i dont remember the last time i woke up feeling so lovededit 2 if anybody is still reading and wants to help can you redirect your kindness to i was the only the only person to reply to his post last night and i think he could use some kind words,1
serious question why is suicide considered selfish to many its seen as selfish but to the one whom experiences the want for it its because its an escape from what they feel as a life time of sorrow if this was the case wouldnt it be selfish for the ones around that individual to want himher to keep going if it is just going to be miserablei am not suicidal right now for the most part but this idea crosses my mind a lot any input anyone,1
my take go easy on yourself you might not be perfect but youre definitely a long way from unlovable or irredeemable your lack or fear of intimacy is a self defense mechanism to protect yourself from getting hurt chuck your past experiences in the trash bin and enjoy life just keep an open mind as a backup plan in case things dont work out so you can go back to normal again,1
i cant take this anymore if i dont kill myself i will go insane as long as i remember i never grew up with a real family i was taken from my mom when i was two because she neglected mei amthe bastard of a half blind fat bald and bipolar nutcase i spent my childhood in a grouphome moving from place to place leaving friends and belonging behind without any warning i was constantly bullied because i was skinny and sickly from all the fucked up meds they shoved in my mouth to shut me up i had frequent violent manic outbursts hurting the other kids who bullied me i couldnt fucking take all the abuse i finally was put in a foster home where i spent a year and a half in what seemed to be solitude i was told i was gonna be adopted by some married couple who also adopted my brother who i never met i thought i was gonna finally be able to live in peace my brother is a complete fucking asshole he constantly provoked me to go on a rampage for his own amusement and would enjoy playing with me as i helplessly tried to hit my 14 year old brother i was 6 eventually they couldnt take my shit anymore and sent me off to a foster home again i went through 3 other failed adoptions being tormented my others and treated like dogshit i was no more than a extra set of helping hands andor a punchingbag they treated me like i was a item they could take back for a refund whenever they wanted all of this made me into a introverted socialy inept fuckstick who cant even start a conversation without looking like a complete fool and worst of alli amnow 17 years old a senior with no friendsi ama kissless virgin who has almost never talked to a girl in his life thats the worst part i just want to fall in love with somebody i feel like everything i ever wanted or needed in my life was flat out denied to me i feel like i dont even belong in life ive attempted once and ended up in the hospital i feel like my life just isnt worth it i dont even feel human anymore maybe i will finally get the guts to do it again and this time i wont fuck up for once in my life so long fuckers,1
i just need some help everything in the past year is just a horrible downward spiral okay this is probably going to be annoyingly long but i have to get this out to someonei amsitting in bed so upset that i cant even cry i just got an email that my power bill for the past 30 days is 500 i live in a 3 bed 2 bath apartment in a small georgia town with my boyfriend and our roommate i dont know how on earth we could have possibly used 3000kwh of power in 30 days we operate ac reasonably turn lights off all that the bill is due in 13 days and i dont have a job my boyfriend doesnt have a job i have all the experience i need to get a decent paying professional job ive applied to over 60 places in the past month and a half and the most communication ive gotten is one single email saying theyre going with another candidateive had major depressive disorder since i was 14 years old i have a reasonable control on it but right now i want nothing more than to just stop existing ive been living on my own with my boyfriend for about a year or so unofficially he had more than enough money to pay for rent at our old place so he did i was sort of in between my parents home and his apartment now my name is just as much part of the lease as his all of my things are at this new apartment and i hate it every single time i leave my parents house i just sit in the driveway and cry i rushed too quickly to be out of high school and in college with all my freedom my downward spiral started when i wasnt accepted to my dream school uga i had always said id go there from the time i went to games and tailgated with my uncle and dad as a kid but even with honors grad a few ap classes and a decent gpa and act score i wasnt accepted i graduated high school with a 38 gpa and honors i skipped classes nearly every day i never did my work but it never mattered because i always had as college was obviously different but i still skipped because my teachers never really did anything about it i managed to end the semester with a 30 gpa my only failed class being an annoying college 101 required course i decided then that i wanted more freedom to work and all that so i applied to liberty university online my parents alma mater it severely kicked my ass and i failed both classes on account of not doing any work nowi amhere i am trying desperately to start back at a tech school in january and try to transfer into uga but life just keeps kicking my ass i cant get a job despite having great experience and references and i havent even begun on my relationshipmy boyfriend and i met on tinder in august of 2015 i just went through a horrible breakup with my high school boyfriend of 25 years who thought it would be fine to break up with me via email while i was in scotland on a school exchange trip my boyfriend who well call john also went though a breakup a few months prior to mine we met up and talked and eventually started dating but hes now an entirely different person than i met i know i am too because people change but hes too different all he does is play video games all day i love video games and i even love playing them for hours but when it becomes the first thing you do when you get out of bed at 45pm and dont stop until you go to bed around 56am its a problem hes perfectly content to live in filth he rarely if ever picks up after himself we have sex maybe once a month sometimes every other month i know he isnt cheating on me because hes just that lazy obviously the logical solution is to just leave him ive heard it from anyone ive told but as with all things its not that easy we got a puppy together last year and have already agreed that if we break up hes in a better position to take care of him so 1 i lose my dog hes also horrifically depressed but refuses to go to a doctor or do anything about it and i know that when i leave him hes just going to become some shadow of a person and thats not good for the dog or anyone else i know its not my responsibility what he does after we break up but still all of my things are at this new apartment i dont even know how i would begin moving everything back to my parents housei amhorrifically out of shape and thats mostly due to the fact that my boyfriend is obviously too lazy to cook every day so he normally just orders food 2x a day weve somehow spent 40000 since january and i dont know how no extravagant purchases no vacations just a bunch of small meaningless purchases that add uptldr i dont know what to do i feel so stuck and my heart hurts ive fucked up my life i have no passions i cant get a job i cant go to my dream school my relationship is terrible i owe 500 i dont have and i want nothing more than to just stop existing ,1
slipped away as i look at the pills in my hand right now i wonder what i did to deserve being lied to by the person i love 91217,1
i cant handle this anymore hello readers first off i am sorry i am only posting here because i have nowhere else i cannot stand myself any longer i keep failing at everything i touch my job my relationships money i am nothing and the people i care about the most right now have turned their backs on me tonight could be the night and i am sorry everyone ,1
what makes people fight to live through extreme medical conditions like cancer or paralyzation i dont even have a major condition just some whiplash that seems to be lingering without getting better for a solid week before it was six spinal fracturesi am not out of my 20s yet and probably have a worse back than old meni know i tend to catastrophise but whats the point of not being able to do things to have nothing to look forward to except the chance the next doctors appointment will bring some relief when usually it doesnt,1
help will my friend die from taking 4000mg of fluoxetine hate to say this but ssri antidepressants are one of the worst ways to go very painful why are you feeling this way tonight,1
it will happen eventually does anyone else feel like in the end youre gonna die from suicide like no matter what you do thats gonna be the end resulti am23 and i feel like even if i make it to 50i am still going to end my own life,1
sparing everyone i dont see the point of going on ive always been this way depressed anorexic abused i am average at everything average looks average grades not talented or good at anything no one has ever been in love with me they just take and use and never give and there is a comfort in having a body pressed against mine but afterwardsi amjust lonely my parents will be relieved i know my mom will be happy my dad doesnt deserve to be stuck with a daughter such as me therapy isnt available to me for a myriad of reasons so please dont mention i just dont see the point everyday will be the same me on the computer or crying in bed daydreaming about things that will never happen if i do get out its with friendsread people i drink and smoke weed with but have no connection whatsoever and its pointless most of the time i dont even remember itthe world is not going to miss me its not likei am going to cure cancer or even i have a family and have people that love me i am just done for it to get better because it doesnt i plan to do it on october 1st ,1
almost two weeks left for my death here is what is down i decided that this month would be the happiest month of my life it was not possible till a few days back but nowi am really pretending to be happy let me tell you it makes some people feel fucking insecure its very hard for me to pretend but i will crack jokes laugh and take pictures with everyone till sept 24 on 25 theyll find me dead in a white dressi wrote letters to my family i made little care packages and open when notes one for each day for a month immediately post my death one for the next ten birthdays anniversaries for my birthdays when theyll remember me when they will miss me for my sisters weddingi am almost done with the crochet blanketi ammaking for my parentsi have fought with my parents and stopped talking to them this gives them time to get used to not having me aroundcut myself a few times hopefully scars dont remain on the big day i want to look good thats it still there are a lot of items pending but two weeks left still time to finish,1
interesting ive never blogged before or been on a forum but its become to much ive tried many times clearly unsuccessfully ive even went as far as charcoal burning for the carbon poison but couldnt stand the smoke even though i took a shitload of alprazolam to go to sleep so ive done a lot of research on lidocaine and intravenous ive managed to take my own blood and although i know the heart attack isnt the most pleasant way to go it isnt the worst way to go then i will probably slip into a coma beforehand anyway ive done extensive research and ive obtained enough lidocaine to make it happen ironically i went to the er the other day i willinois masonic and the intake nurse violently probed me to get blood she failed i laughed to myself thinking i did a much better job,1
am going to kill myself you dont have to i m posting this here because i have no one to talk to that is by design i have avoidant personality disorder and my version of it is very effective and efficient i don t know anyone i isolate myself because i m ashamed i exist i was an abused and neglected child i never received treatment when it might have helped the person that abused me hid it very well and the other adults in my small family were incompetent and inactivei started fantasizing about suicide when i was 10 this was triggered by circumstance not biology i didn t tell anyone because it would have resulted in violence and mockery i have always been desperate for life to endi tried to kill myself as a teenager but it was a weak effort and i spent a few months in a locked psychiatric ward after i got out i went to school for a while then i just stayed home i lived as a shutin for over a decade spanning my adolescence and early adulthood it was allowed i was sick but no one intervenedi tried to kill myself again this time violently again failure only a month in a psych ward this time when i got out i got my ged and a job i tried to pursue normalcy for a few years but failed i have never felt comfortable around other people my brain malfunctions it feels wrong to be looked at it feels wrong to communicate i m ashamed and embarrassed that i existi was left alone with my mother as a child she was mentally i will emotionally disturbed overwhelmed and unmedicated she wanted to pretend she was alone she would beat me belittle me and torture me in the hopes of keeping me quiet i can still see the rage and hatred in her eyes the disdain and contempt in her voiceshe won i ve spent my entire life trying to pretend i m not here i wanted to love to be affectionate to be outgoing but i don t want to bother anyone i don t deserve anythingi m not dangerous i ve never hurt anyone and have no desire to that s the worst part i m weird and i know people identify me as weird when youre a man and people identify you as weird they fear you i understand its best to err on the side of caution but people being afraid of me or thinking i m potentially dangerous breaks my hearti m going to kill myself the way i see it i have 2 choices isolation or death i can no longer maintain isolation i m out of resources so death it isto make sure it gets done this time i have 2 options if the first is too hard the second only requires a moment of bravery it s violent but guaranteed neither option has the potential to harm anyone elsei m not here for sympathy just to be heard for a moment and to let the younger people here know that the sooner you get help the better your chances of recovery if you can ask for help do so i don t have it in me but i wish i didjust remember there is no cure for mental i willness but there are people that can teach you tools and skills that will help you manage it and gain controli m going to die because i see no other choice if you do see choices please make the choice that allows for a better and longer lifei love youthank you for readingtldr i ll be dead soon do better than me taker easy,1
i wouldnt be doing this for myself recently ive been falling back into a depression again ive been clinically diagnosed with depression for about two years now and as you may know it doesnt really ever go away it just sort of subsides i think this is due to all the returning stress in my life with the returning school yeari amonce again going to high school my high school is a special high school in a sense that its especially bad other schools threaten their students with the prospect of going there and its not even an alternative school we consistently are beaten by all the other schools in every academic area and the majority of our teachers have stopped caring this sense of apathy has spread to lots of the intelligent students causing a chicken in the egg conundrumwith my return to my school people have started questioning me about what i want to do with my life typically i just shrug and say i dont know but truthfully i really like art it is my dream to write andor animate a television show but sadly where i live the only job prospects are meth manufacturer and meth dealer this brings me to another problem money my family is pretty poor i live in a one parent home with two siblings one of which is very sick and may very likely die soon my father has also told me that his doctor had told him that he wont live past 60 he is in his mid fiftiesthankfully however my family has saved enough for college sadly we can only afford a bachelors degree for both my surviving sibling and imy plan is to kill myself sometime soon or at least before graduation so that my brother will have enough for a masters degree and then some i genuinely dont see the bad side to this i may even be able to make it seem like an accident so that he doesnt have to deal with the grief of having a brother for a suicide case if i cant make it an accident i definitely wont bring this whole scheme up in the note thats just poor mannersin a sense id really be killing two birds with one stone here id be giving my brother a better life one that he deserves and id be able to die happily knowing that he got out of this shitty situation ,1
is it too late to excel at 24 i know this question probably gets asked a lot but i also see many misleading answers to this question most of the time the answer is no look at person x he didnt start the thing he good really good at till he was 30 or no most nobel prize winners make their huge discoveries around 40 but what is wrong with these arguments is that these people didnt really dwell in depression till that age they built the foundation for their success till then or learning other things and how to learn things or at least not getting brain damage i was shit at uni due to laziness and depression and social anxiety i really think now i am doomed to live the like of a dumb person and that i wasted my potential forever that i cannot be great at socializing anymore just less shit and this thought really makes me want to kill myself ,1
i thinki amabout to diei am16 young and naive this all just feels so empty typing this now please dont perceive this as a cry for attention i just need a little advice i used to care about school up until about halfway through last year i got concussed cant play hockey anymore my grades fell to shit now i go to school high fuck off in class and just dont care all the girls i meet are likely scared away by my distant and cold behaviour and the ones that arent just want some stoner boyfriend nobody chooses to love me and ive only just realized this my parents hardly talk to me just becausei am not religious and they found that out they support my criminal of an older brother more than they give a shit about me my friends are fake they hardly talk to me and i know they wouldnt talk to me once highschool is over if i make it anyways i thinki am going to die i keep finding myself in these absolutely fucking crazy situations i climbed a train bridge to take a picture of my shitty city in the dark cold night ive been on countless police chases i like to ride an unregistered motorcycle i love running from the cops even while high climbing into abandoned buildings i even went into an abandoned military base with armed guards a few weeks back just stupid shit like that and i am not afraid of dying speeding through the city at 4am at twice the legal speed limit i just dont really care anymore nothings keeping me here how can i make myself care again feeling empty isnt the greatest thing especially when it draws you to death ,1
no one to talk to if there was one i would be too anxious and get a panic attack i cant even see therapists anymore my anxiety and depressions got so bad i cant talk to anyone anymore also i ruined my last friendship just now so i cancelled every therapist appointment i would have gone to just for my friend all motivation is gone and the suicide thoughts never were so damn reali amjust so hopeless crying all day in my dark appartment no friends family or job also my savings will be gone very soon and i end up on the streets its sad that death seems like the only logical option to me i am so lonely it has become physical pain i dont know what to do i have no one,1
can i have someone to talk to i always feel so alone timid afraid ive never been good at making friends being social and dont speak with my family i have mental health and gender identity problems that stem from childhood bullying i tried commiting suicide last week by hanging myself but failed after panicking i ended up just throwing up all over the bathroom once i got the rope freei have steam and i like to play games or used to at least,1
what am i supposed to do ive dealt with depression for most of my life and never before did i think killing myself was okay i never considered it nowi amthinking about it all the time a few weeks ago i went to the emergency room i didnt have a specific plan so they referred me to a day treatment program i spent 3 weeks thereim not betteri amprobably worse now because it feels like ive exhausted my options therapy hasnt helped my medication isnt helping not enough at least spending 6 hours a day in the hospital didnt help the only other option seems like inpatient but i heard nothing but horror stories from the people in my program i dont want to end my life but i dont know how to stop the thoughts no one can tell me and i feel like at some point i just wont have the strength to fight it anymoreevery time these feelings come upi amresearching a little more putting my affairs in order each time feels like it could be the last,1
i feel like a fraud does anyone else feel disconnected from the physical world i feel like a lot of the timesi amoperating on auto pilot as if the person who inhabits this body is different from the one who everyone sees on the surface i feel like a fraud to everyone its as if the laughter and enjoyable moments are fake and the thoughts of suicide are the only things that feel real as if thats what my purpose is and thats where i belong just dead,1
people dont give me any rational or worthy answer to survive its completely irrational to live in this world the answers ive received to stay have no effort or thought put into them the ones that say its not worth it put plenty of detail and relatable emotion its a fucked up world and you are ignorant if you see other wise,1
i keep imagining life as someone else someone whos confidentsomeone who doesnt take things personally when theyre not meant to besomeone who knows how to be assertivesomeone who doesnt give a crap about what people thinksomeone who doesnt find it hard to talk to unfamiliar peoplesomeone who could fit inwhy cant i be that i feel like the way i am now prevents me from doing all that i have 0 confidence 0 assertiveness 0 social ability maybe i can work to become that person but that would take way too much worki amundisciplined and i frequently perform less than my best on work chores and even things i do for fun i dont even do much anymore becausei amunmotivated to a lot of my lack of confidence stems from my dreams getting crushed a year ago i dont see the point of trying to do much else if its all going to be for nothingi just want to die and reincarnate into someone with a better body a better personality a better everything i keep trying to put on different names for myself i keep imagining having a friend in real life i can rely on and not just an internet friend i feel envious for people who arent so lonely i just think life would be better if i was born someone elseexcept if reincarnation existed i dont think you would be able to choose who you are in the first place youre just assigned a body and you have no control over it but even if its not up to you it would be nice to have another chance and try to prevent growing up as a social retard maybe my next body wont have anger issues they alienated me as a kid and its one of the reasons i never grew out of my shynessfuck me,1
i want to tell people the truth i am drunk and i just want let my guards down and i really dont care anymore so ask my anything and i will give you a 100 accurate ok drunk response any dirty secrets you want to know ask me now,1
its all coming to a close soon i wont see 2018 after all 6 months unemployed no source of income and once my apartment lease ends in a couple of months i will be homeless my family cant take me in or help me in any way and i dont have friends that would helpjust as well i was always the broken one who couldnt survive in this world no skills no passion no connections no charisma no nothing i never deserved to exist in the first placei can only hope the drop will kill me when the time comes,1
failing in life here in my country romania school is pretty much the most important thing for your future i just started my last year of highschool and i can already tell its going to be as bad as every other year ever since 7th grade my grades have been worse and worse to the point where i barely passed i ama failure and a disappointment to my parents i dont even deserve to live not even those paid mentors can help me at this point do any of you know an easy way to just end it all without it being too scary like stabbing myself in the heart,1
completely lost where to start soi am24 and my lifes in a complete rut in every way i graduated from college in 2015 with great grades but cant seem to find a job no matter the skill level or experience required basic jobs claimi amoverqualified and the jobs i want claimi amunderqualified even if its an entry level position i studied a pointless major i never should have picked but i thought it would get me a job i liked whereas my brothers seemed miserable in their lines of work but hey at least i have a mound of crippling student loan debt i keep seeing other people i know who are able to easily succeed or get what they set out for which just makes me wonder ifi ambroken or cursed or something while in school i did find out that i have a knack for photography and videography which ive tried to pursue but to no avail been completely broke and living at home in an extremely dysfunctional household since college not even gonna talk about the relationships aspect of my life i generally do nothing and barely talk to anyone on a daily basis even tho i was relatively social before this even if it was by using the facemask that i created ive kinda always had an empty feeling inside horrible childhood caused by constantly being picked on both at school and at home escalated to really really bad stuff id rather not get into right now but in high school learned how to mask and ignore it so that other people wouldnt think i was weirda downer not that thats healthy mainly use humorsarcasm to hide what i really feel pretty impossible to do now with nothing to occupy my mind which has just led me to believing thati ama screwup whos completely useless and deserves to be where i am friends are clearly starting to want to hangout with me lessdistance themselves now that i cant contain it as well served as their therapist for years as they claimed i was the most level headed person they knew and that i gave the best advice ironic no like i said i got good at masking yet when i finally crack they dont like it i never forget mistakes ive made no matter how hard i try tried suicide once before i even got to high school never told anyone about that and never thought id be in that state of mind again but i amthere i guess its probably pretty obvious to assume from all of this but ive never really felt like i belonged anywhere i have no idea what to do lost any desire or drive that i once had for life even if it wasnt much to start with never posted on reddit or done anything like this before but had the thought today that i really wouldnt mind dying so realized i need help so anyway this is all new to me whatever you got reddit go for it,1
amshaking i havent had any food in 2 days i wonder what happens when i die i lied to my soulmate and now we will never get together again but i cant live without him,1
co poison i live at dads home i dont accept responsibility i give up on things simple as making food or logging to website correctly want to clean out garage for co attempt but dont know where to put stuff spoke on phone maybe 10 times ever longest conversation 30 seconds no knowledge went to coworker apartment nothing to say leave house minimal brain hardly works anymore from bad use takes me 1 week to do 1 hour work i cried today because i went to buy a cable and i thought it was too difficult i bought a dog treat for sisters dog but was afraid to tell her so i thought i might throw it at her house but i kept it i dont care about following rules or reading instructions anymore i just mix things and eat i read random book pages and watch movie backwards supposed to be autisticasperger anyway is co painless dont want to die but behavior is really really really bad my whole life unrealistic to recover,1
all prepped to go i ve written my letters and prepared everything for my final exit i keep my bottle of pills with me at all times because i am soooo ready go and don t want any hiccups once i final initiate the act a nice long swim out into the ocean after downing a full bottle of prescription sleeping pills is definitely in my near future my advice don t get married don t fall in love people are ultimately selfish and only care bout you when you benefit them in some way don t be fooled and think otherwise don t give up your life s dreams or goals for anybody else even family,1
i messed up i went to college too soon idk about what classes to go to about diplomas or majors about how to do anything i think i should have done more research before i went to make sure i knew what i was doing before i went but my mom wanted me to go as soon as i graduated hs either tha or get a job i tried to get a job before but it causes me so my anxiety that i was scratching my arms till they bled and scarred so i thought college would just be like school but it wasnt i feel like i will be able to pay off my loans and i wont be able to get a job either and i am so stressed i feel like i ruined my life i have no job experience or anything to even put on resume except for like some volunteer work i did in hs god this is so hard i dont know to be an adult and it seems like everyone else knows what theyre doing i feel so useless and moneys tight rn and i need to be making money but finding a job is so difficulti am so lazy too i just sit around doing nothing because i dont got a job and i got nobody to talk to but family i want to die so badly,1
nothing in my life has value not my self no friends no family they dont mean anything to me i would try and kill myself but i would mess that up to,1
cant take another day help chronically ptsd and depression cant take it anymore i want to kill myself failed yesterday want to give another try to afraid to do it but i want itmore then 5 years of treatment and drugs nothing workedeasiest way to end,1
foolproof my suicide for mei amplanning yet again another suicide in hopes that this one wont fail again ive discussed it with one other person and i leave out the minor details so that they cant stop me when the time comesbut it seems theyve discovered a fuck up in my plan my poison of choice this time is co poisoning i baught an old car for this purpose its a 1994 cutless supreme and i rented out a small garage unit for the car and my place of death i keep the place a secret so that no one can interrupt and lead to another failed attempt problem is the car was made into a convertable and has a roll bar i assumed it would work all the same since the garage unit will fill with co still but this person is telling me otherwisestating id die of heat stroke first even though it has a working ac and wont explain the reasoning are they right or wrong,1
i think ive had ocd since i was young and its gotten worse first of alli am not 100 sure if i have ocd or not since i have never talked to anyone about it but i do have some thoughts in my head feeling the need to do some things a certain number of times anyways ive always been attracted to girls and had several girl crushes i did some research and i think i have hocd which is pretty much my the ocd telling me that i am gay i got really paranoid and i keep on thinking about it this resulted in the hocd getting even worse i cant stop thinking about it i feel like its trying to turn me gay or something i know i am straight and talked to many girls but why is this happening if i knowi am not gay as a result of this whenever i am walking outside or see a good looking guy i start to check them out and notice how good looking they are i never have any like sexual desires for them but i am so lost and on top of thati amvery stressed out depressed so its just not a good mix of things to havei used to look at girls and admire their beauty and imagine them as my girlfriend but like i feel like i lost that like when i look at a hot girl now i dont feel that feeling i used to get how do i tell myself thati am not gay and its just my brain playing tricks on me this literally never happened until like two days ago ,1
id rather be happy than dead but at this point i would rather be dead than unhappy every day for the rest of my life if i could magically snap my fingers and obtain friendsan so and money i would never think about suicide again i dont have clinical depression there is no chemical reason for me to be depressed or for me to want death its just my fucking life and the incredible pain it brings me all i want is to be special or important to someone i get whyi am noti am not a very nice person nor am i a very interesting person nor am i at all attractive but it still hurts to be so alone even if i understand the reason for it,1
whatever mid 20s no friends low wage job that ends next month over 40000 in debt to school i never finished because i was too busy trying to work to pay for it other bills family hates me sister regularly tells me to kill myself mother wants me out of the house i have no money for rent because loans and bills and i have no friends to crash at literally 0 friends soon i will be homeless amd without a job even though it paid shitgive me one reason to not pull a nike cause i cant think of one,1
24 year old autistic low giftedness and father and brother who are both engineers yep i cant take it anymore yeah i failed school miserably and i cant deal with everyone being better than me what is there left of life,1
i dont think i can do this anymore the expectations i place on myself are crushing with my ptsd that my nmom has causedi am not able to function at the level i should for school it will be a wonder if i pass my father will not be happy and is already disappointed in me for my change of religioni amquitting my job asi am not in the right place mentally and am feeling suicidal i need to continue school though i cant drop out or take a medical withdrawal i havent been able to attend class because of my anxiety and panic attacks its just this one class i am very unhappy i cant do this i need a break from school but i am unable to i need my gpa to stay over a 30 to add a translations studies certificate not many understand what i go through ,1
no job and feeling worthless after 21 years of being an office clerk mostly doing it support i got laid off they offered me another job which is very stressful and hard i feel very conflicted on the one hand its good to have a job on the other id rather kill myself at the momenti amreading up on methods that are painless i have no one to talk with,1
dont see the point anymore 16 years old just started 6th form at school i will be honest i just dont really see the point anymore ive been a music and academic scholar for 3 years now coming onto 4 and the demands on my time are ridiculous its a boarding school so they can pretty much do with my time as they pleasei amtaking physics chemistry maths and further maths all subjects that i enjoy but i amdefinitely struggling to keep up with the work load for the past 3 years my extra curricular activities have so far been rugby and thats about it in 6th form you get to do a race called the devises to westminster race which is an incredibly long kayaking race in england takes a few terms of dedicated training to get to the required skill level but its an incredible experience had my first on water session today and due to a minibus breaking down on the way back from the riveri amabout 30 minutes late for a termly music scholar meeting i go to see the head of music to apologise and i try to explain what happened but he just shrugs and says its always this and that never your fault i am not performing the rolesi amexpected to as a scholar now fine i understand where hes coming from asi amsaving 15 of a 30k yearly tuition from this scholarship so obviously they expect something in return he asked me after the bollocking whether i wanted to be a scholar he said he was more than happy to phone my parents and tell them i was no longer a music scholar i said of course not i want to be a scholar however thats just a lie i hate being a music scholar being an academic scholar is fine as they only have weekly lectures but when the time i have to catch up on work my free periods my free time before and after breakfast and supper and occasionally my weekends are taken up by this musical demand i just cant take it anymore i just want to be able to spend an afternoon with my friends but instead i have daily music rehearsals for a handful of groups and instrumental lessons where i learn nothing now with this added work and all the additional work i need to do for further maths i feel i cant anything my parents have asked me whether i really want to be a music scholar and i feel like i have to say yes the tuition fees are 30k a year so with 15 off for music and 15 off for academic scholarships on top of a 35 bursary were already being given huge savings on tuition i dont know much about my parents financial situation but i know enough to know that i would not be able to stay at this school if i lost my music scholarshipi amsure we could amass the money somehow but with my dad having recently retired i just cant make them do that so if i stopped id have to change schools right at the start of one of the hardest couple of years in my education ive been here for 4 years now and i see it as my home away from home i know everyone i know all the teachers and i have become close with lots of people i cant leave now i just feel like everything would be so much easier if i just ceased to live i dont understand whyi ameven trying to live through this and it just strikes me as such a clear option its about the only thing i can think of that can solve this i dont want to have to wake up every morning to take part of a routine i hate it would be so much simpler to not wake up knowing i now cant go kayaking the only request ive made is the final straw if i cant even do one thing that isnt music or just a standard compulsory sport i just dont want to do anything i cant do climbing i cant play golf i cant go swimming i cant do anything all of my peers are spending their time doingi amjust rambling now but it really makes me sad my sister had depression and my parents had to deal with that and they were fine they understood what she was going through and she understood that selfharm was her coping mechanism i feel that theyd learn to understand the choices id made and i think that makes me feel less of a coward well thats it,1
forgiving oneself doesnt make sense to me i just dont understand why it would be acceptable morally to forgive myself for things ive done or said the only thing ive heard is that its practical and you cant move on with life unless you have but it being practical doesnt make it right why would i deserve to move on worse though my self hatred is more just a way to not feel so bad about being stuck in the past idki am not too commuted to this post i just havent talked to anyone in a really long time,1
these assholes need to stop feigning concern when theyre the ones driving me to the edge ive been at my workplace for 5 years ive always done my best to do a good job rarely miss etc year after yeari amstuck with the most draining difficult and impossible tasks the people who show up and do nothing else are given the fun tasks the easy tasks the tasks that end up in the newspaper whilei amgrinding away with the worst of the worst they obviously hate me they obviously like seeing thati amstressed out and upset thati amat the end of my rope so yeah dont fucking ask ifi amok or ifi amfeeling better stop dumping all the shit in this place at my goddamn door and sitting back as i fall apart under the pressure fuck them ive never been this close to actually going through with it i have to care for my mentally i will husband but i amafraid at some point its gonna win out over even that,1
my mom is the only thing stopping me i hate my life my life is centered around music but i ammediocre at it ive never been good at school i dont have any friends i found the love of my life but that ended blah blah blah the usual at night when i go to sleep i hold back tears and my chest feels heavy ive felt this way for most of my life nothing is worth it to me except my mother she is my everything i was raised an only child by my single mom my mom is still single her dog is getting old and i just moved back in with her because she moved closer to where i work and go to schooli amall shes got she is an incredible person and shes given me the most unconditional love she has struggled and endured so much throughout my life just to make sure i have gotten everything i need she knowsi amsad and tries to help but she canti amjust looking for a reason to live or a reason to die ive already written letters i have a life insurance plan to get money for my mom when i diei am in this awkward grey area because i want to be dead but i dont want her to hurt,1
tell my why i should end it right here and now there isnt a single symptom of depression and anxiety i dont have there is nothing i enjoy nothing i look forward to no place to call home,1
what am i doing to myself i just recently graduated college and have an education degree i have my initial teaching certificate but i am not using it i hate seeing teachers treat students simply like some robots that need to be able to pass tests so i doubt that my coworkers would understand my priority to make students independent thinkers rather than treat teaching as some job with shallow requirements i fear of being alone in my career so i dont pursue it i know its selfish i should work for my studentsi dont want to tell my family or my two friends about my loneliness because they would include me more because of my selfishness rather than becausei ama good man nor do i want to scare them yet i do want to be closer with my friends and family but i know that they dont want to becausei amboring awkward and take everything seriously who the hell wants to hang out with someone like that i dont blame them so instead ive been working 75 hours a week the past couple months at two parttime jobs not to make ends meet but to distract myself from my loneliness the simpleminded endless work keeps my mind busy during the day and helps me fall asleep at nighti was just offered a teaching job at the number 1 school in the county since their math teacher was fired midway due to some extenuating circumstancesi am going to see the school in a couple days but i want to turn it down i just want to push my two friends and family away ignore them and just workbecause downtime alone makes me hate my damned boring self and working at schools has made me depressed from seeing how much some poor teachers have hurt these students and from how much more i could have done for themi dont want to be alone but i dont want to bother my family and friends even morei amjust moving in some direction wanting to give up every step of the waywhat am i doing to myself,1
am not motivated to die for one i feel like i still have debts to pay there are people whove helped me in life that i dont wanna leave hanging id like to see my parents retire and id like to pay for my little brothers higher education but i no longer enjoy life nothing really gives me pleasure sex and romance bores me these days its not special anymore money feels hollow i cant trust my friends anymore i guessi amat the bottom of a valley now stable point not really motivated to live or die but if i were to suddenly get notice that i had days to live i dont think id be upsetbeing at point wherei amok even eager for death but not motivated to seek it out aggressively is honestly damaging me and i am not sure what to doim not sitting here with a gun in my mouth but if someone came through that door and shot me right now id be more grateful than regretful i guessi ama little confused in life and i dont to make any rash moves,1
i was talked to at work today my coworkers noticed my being weepy and teary i had the head of the company asking me if i was suicidal and i had to assure them that no i was not the truth is i have been since childhood only planning it the last couple of years i had a set date for september 8th and got invited to a birthday celebration it was nice becausei amincredibly isolated and have no friends i ended up drinking too much and upsetting the individual celebrating and was asked to leave another coworker later called me and threatened to get me firedi am so distraught so overwhelmed so eaten by sadness i cant see straight anymore the man of my dreams the one i have always wanted has made me wait nearly six years for him to move in were hundreds of miles away from each other and i have been patient i have triedi amnearly 30 friendless and my love would rather be in a shithole of a town with no future than come here and build one with mei am tiredi am so painfully lonely i cant stand it i harbor an incredible amount of shame and guilt the only thing that stops me from ending it is my mom i dont want to wake up any longer ,1
not sure how much more i can takei am not sure where to begin exactly i fear this post will just turn into one big pity party but here goes nothingi m25 am deeply depressed not the crying and sad type depressed more like the i feel absolutely no pleasure from living and see no point in living depressed i no longer wish to live but i cant bring myself to commit suicide because it would devastate my family too much in fact i believe it would cause my sister and father to commit or at least bring them to the brink of suicide themselves i feel hopeless and trapped i wish that i had a terminal i willness so that i could die sooner or at least see a way out but nopei amstuck feeling trapped inside of a body and brain that wants to kill mewants me dead i smoke cigarettes and i constantly wish that i would get terminal cancer so that i wouldnt have to kill myself its far more acceptable to die of a physical ailment than a psychologicalpsychiatric ailment i feel so guilty for feeling this way because all things considered i have a good life i have a family that loves me and supports me i have good friends i have shelter and food and basic necessities i am musically inclinedi am not ugly i do occasionally enjoy nature and i have a good sense of humor sometimes hard to tell in this post hah but depression just sucks the life out of me i have difficulty holding down a job due to the depression and crippling anxiety i have difficulty remembering things my cognition is very poor most of the time etc i just dont see anything getting any better ever ive been waiting for over 10 years now for medication and exercise and therapy and several hospitalizations to do to help me but it hasnt done enough to make me feel like life is something that i want to continue with i dont know what kind of repliesi amexpecting on this sorry if i sound likei amgriping or bitching i just feel hopelessi amsick of living ,1
ive gone overdrawn in my bank ive had a really bad summer another stressful year of university is coming up work is terrible my life is nothing but just mundane tasks and i will never be happy i guess this is the end for me 22 years and ive been nothing but worthless ,1
wouldnt my suicide be seen as human evolution help i mean lets be honest suicide is a weakness that nobody wants so if i ever commit suicide it means that the bad genes which are negative and not needed go away from the gene pool thus making it one person lesser in the negative gene poolwhat do you all think i really want to make a post about my story of suicide but i amafraid it will go unnoticed just making me angry for typing all that,1
shotgun ready to go finally got the shotgun date set for this friday 915 for personal reasons why suicide myths debunked at least for me its a temporary solution to a permanent problem not for me been suicidal for nearly 10 years been planning all along i am suicidal over a cosmetic issue that will never resolve or get better dont do anything rash been planning for 5 years suicidal for almost 10 get help have had no fewer than 5 psychiatrists tried 7 or 8 different medications several inpatient hospitalizations have not helped family gives me shit all the time they fucking hate me friends do the same what help should i be getting hereyour family and friends will hurt good they have and continue to make me hurt over and over and over why should i suffer just so they can keep living their shitty lives making other people miserable i have asked them for help i have asked them to stop i have asked them for grace nothing more laughter more teasing more shitting on me i have never once mocked my family or friends always done my best to be there for other people and what do they do mock me laugh at me fucking call me a freak i hope they fucking suffer so give me one good reason why i should keep living theres no solution no help no family and friends i care about this isnt temporary and will not resolve ,1
ama fat goodfornothing i used to be anorexic but then bulimia came and i gained 60 lbs nowi amoverweight and all disgusting looking i have finished high school but i missed out on uni so now at 22i amjobless living at home with my mom i basically cant find any enjoyment in life everything seems so empty and boring therapy and meds are fucking useless they dont do shit for me when i try to eat healthy and exercise i just go back to not eating or binging for weeks i hate my body my life ive tried to kill myself before but was too much of a fuck up to actually succeed i just wish i would fucking disappear i have only one friend who supports me but i feel like he is going to leave too wouldnt be that bad though then i could finally off myself i know overdosing on meds is hell but i still feel the urge to do it maybe for my birthday as a present for my shitty self,1
suicidal but i dont know whyi ama freshman at college and i was doing pretty well but now i am feeling greatly distressed and having suicidal thoughts ever since i woke up this morning i am stressed about one class that i am having attention difficulties in and also about my relationship but i feel like thats not a good enough explanation for why i pulled a bunch of pill bottles out and stared at them for a good while wondering if i can do it i went to my universitys counseling center this morning but i thought i was feeling better but on the walk back i just felt worse i dont know what to do please help,1
any advice after getting forcibly thrown to different places to help them with what they wanted i lost everything future careeracademic records the right kind of connections friends and lastly the mentors when people ask them what happened they say its my faultwhen apparently its theirs i even got told that i should not blame situations on them when clearly i was in control nobody forced me to do anything when in reality they forced me to even quit even the very seminars that i wanted to attend toended up finding a job found one but requires alot of documents to be passedthings that requires alot of academic and scholastic records that were either ruined destroyed or long time lost in the process i want to quit but i cantconsidering that i have lost alot i might not last this long if incase situation got badi am even willing to end it considering that i already have nothing left to losei amlost and confused,1
i think this is the end i dont even really want to ask for help right now ive made whati amcalling my last meal and i amcurrently enjoying it ive fed my cat and set everything up so he wont go without if i follow through its been about a year of wanting to die and i am in therapy but it feels like a crock of shit i knowi am not alone i dont hate myselfi am not even really sad i just dont care about anything or anyone except my cat and i amstarting to feel like hed be better off without me ive been trying to care to give a shit but i cant even pretend anymore ive been letting my apartment go to shit garbage is piling up my sink is full of dishes i cant afford to pay any of my bills i feel like a burden whenever i try to talk to anyone about this ive been spiraling down so badly the only thing that even keeps me coasting at this point is getting high ive been fighting this damn battle for over a decade and i am so tiredi amon so many mood meds now and none of them seem to make a difference the people i love are starting to get tired of this bullshit too and i just dont want to be this huge fuck up anymore i dont want people to worry about me i dont want people to wonder whether or noti amgonna kill myselfi am so tired ,1
no hopes left i think its the time first english is not my first language i hope i can able to explain myselfim 25 years old graduated from university 3 years ago when i graduated i immediatly start to look for a job but i always rejected because you need to go military in my country 1 month after graduation i learned that my gf was cheating on me this was the break point in my life i become suicidal only thing i was able to think was suicide i didnt wanted to think anything so i go to military but before going to military my dream company called me and asked me if i wanted to work with them i said i cant because i was going to militaryso military service is over i return back to my parents home i kept sending resumes and applying for jobs one day i found a great job interview was really good after sometime they didnt called me so i called them they said they hired someone and that someone was my ex gfs boyfriend my long gone suicidal side was returned again i couldnt stop thinking it i was failed againts him this was 15 years agoim unemployee since that time i make myself lonelyi am not answering anycalls from my friends i blocked them all because they all have good jobs working marrying and stuff i dont want to face with them i dont want them to see me living a miserable lifei just want to disappear i tried to jump off from 10 stories building today but couldnt do it because i dont have bravery to do it i dont want to kill myself because of girl i want to kill myself becausei ama failure and i wasted my life,1
i dont want to fucking die please,1
ammiserable and without hope every waking minute for me is agony i am completely alone i have no job i cant finish college i have nothing i dont want to live i cant get myself to feel good enough to improve my life nothing i try works i dont know what to do when i have no hope of things changing experience has taught me that life only gets worse for mei ama complete fuckup i have nothing and no one and i need help and support and love and cant get it ,1
please someone help me i dont know what to do i have just been trying hard my whole life but i am not getting anywhere i hate that i am so useless i am not clever no matter how much i study i cant seem to get to a good grade i tried experimenting different ways to study or just plain put in a lot more time into it still did not get me anywhere whenever i think i did something right i am wrong i cant even be confident in my abilities because nothing i was ever even a bit confident at ever worked out i cant absorb knowledge fast i think its even safe to say i cant even absorb knowledge at a normal rate i have quite a few deformities on my body that i have been very conscious about i have pain everyday due to these deformities its like everything i go just turns to shit am i cursed what did i do to deserve all this that happened to me throughout my life i didnt asked to be born the pain and anxiety i feel everyday is so painful i rather i just die it would be a lot easier for me i dont want to make my family feel the pain of me dying i know they care a lot for me thats one of the reasons i havent done it yet please someone out there help me i am begging you give me some advice what do i do i just wanted to be normal and achieve my dreams why wasnt i born normal like everyone else,1
so i was at psychiatrist he told mei am socially undeveloped and its true i feel like he never had a problem like mine i just want to die i hate myself i dont want to be like this i dont want to feel like this and there is much more to it i hope he can help me but deep down i know nothing will help why _ why i am crying so fucking much should just kill myself rly why keep going i dont want do be like this,1
i need an urgent answer i need help asap my girlfriend just swallowed about 2 random pills by random she doesnt know what they are but they were doctor prescribed for someone and let probably like 15 sit in her mouth for 1015 minutesi amfreaking out will she be okay is she going to suffer like brain damage or even worseposting this on my main because i need an answer asap,1
i hate this world i wish someone could understand the pain and misery i go through everyday first getting told by my dad who hates me and just calls me a disappointment every day and getting beat up at school i just dont understand if i am nice to every human being i meet and i just try to be friendly to everyone but of course everyone hates mei am sorry if it sounds stupid which it probably does and i know people definitely have way tougher lives then i do,1
help doesnt help so why should i even try anymore ive had many therapists and medications but i still have not gotten better ive read countless stories here about how the help lines just make things 10x worse i believe them because of how stupid the people on the other lines are and dont give one shit about you and just want to ruin yougiven that this really seems impossible to stop why bother,1
girlfriend and best friend left me for ex left job today only family member that cares for me has cancer car broke down no friends started writing my note today plan on leaving this week with an od dont know whyi amsharing just feel like i need to tell someone and its not gonna be by now ex thati am going to tell,1
i just oded i took an od of a known otc painkiller and i amready to go i feel at peace waiting for it to kick ini just hope this time it works,1
how many times have you rewritten your suicide notei amon draft 15 or so its never going to be perfect but if it ever gets to be well thats the end of that ,1
i havent been happy since i was a child and i amgetting really tired of this whole it gets better shit that everybody says but never actually comes true ,1
why does my brain make up issues for me to worry about i start thinking about these issues that my brain makes up and i start overthinking and start believe them to be trueidk what to do i feel trapped in my mind tbh how do i clear my mind i just want to be happy againi amliterally depressed for no reason ive accepted my insecurities but my brain still manages to invent new ones ,1
son died he was born unexpectedly early at 24 weeks he died two days later its not fair that a piece of shit such as myself lives while an innocent beautiful baby boy dies,1
i want to end it all all alone nothing to live for being alive is hell 17 yo here i have been depressed and hopeless for almost my entire teenage life my parents dont really give a shit about me and i hate my mom for letting her alcoholic boyfriend abuse me when i was 11 or 12 at school i have mostly no friends beyond simple acquaintances who i say hi to and leave i have a lot of trouble talking about my emotions to people in real life and i often drive people away from me this summer i had a group of friends who i hung out with frequently this was the only time in my life where i have ever felt accepted and loved the girl who i love only wants to fuck stupid tinder guys and she leads me on because i am worthlessi am so much of a retard i fucked things up with everyone and now i truly am alone againeveryday i wake up i feel as though i am being tortured further with the weight of being alive i cant stand the thought of living another day on this dejected planet where i am nothing unwanted is all i am i wish i wasnt filled with so much rage ive tried counseling ive tried pills but theres nothing that can be done i am hopelessat school all i can think about is how much i hate everyone around me and i get strong urges to self harm hitting my self cutting beating my head on things i know that if my life continues like this i will take my life i hate living in my own body i just want to be loved and love everyone but i never will get any of that i want to be free from myself and my mind i want to at least feel some love or something good before i die ,1
its not that i cant anymore its that i just dont want to i just dont feel like going on anymore and its not as if ive got a reason to i have nobody to care about and nobody to care about me nothing that matters here i have no friends and both of my parents are abusive i just kinda wanna fade into the darkness and cease to exist being alive hurt to much i dont want to anymore ,1
do i need to clickbait about how much i want it to endi amgonna start this of with background i am a sixteen year old male who lives in the uk i have now ceased having contact with my whateveritscalled at a childrens hospital due to my age and cahms would not have me as my case was not severe enough aka i havent attempted yet this is because just like in america depression is an epidemic so i understand they cant help everyone i recently changed school i left behind my peers by my own choice i choose to change schools so that i could attempt year 10 again i spent this year not doing a lot as i struggle with motivation i was working in a separte unit and didnt do much work every day was a struggle so i made a change if i hadnt changed school i would have killed myself by now purely because i felt stuck like death was the only way out new school is as supportive as it can bemy new school only has 70 students at once class sizes are 6 pupils max and i still struggle to stay in lessons this new school is a specialist school not special as in catering for children that are in wheelchairs specialist means they have specially trained staff to deal with asd autism spectrum disorder you have to have asd to get in to the school so yes i am autistici only found out i am autistic like a year ago so i still havent quite come to terms with it my older brother is also autistic i share a room with him always have since i was born this is the first problem i have nothing against people with autism but it does mean they are harder to be around this makes forming new relationships near impossible at school because my peers do not like change i am a change i am surrounded from autistic people wherever i am home or school it makes me have to think twice about anything i say or do since everyone is so sensitiveautistic people claim to want to die a lot every other day someone screams it down the corridor or says it under their breath in class many of these claims arent due to depression this is their reply when something isnt going their way and they want it to stop but they dont know how to stop it this doesnt make it anyless taxing mentally hearing young kids say they want to die so frequently can take a toll on you as a person a large part of my anxiety and the moment stems from being in year 11 for the second time year 10 attempt to feels like a waste of time when i look back all my old friends who dont want anything to to with me purely becausei am not easy to have as a friend now are off going to college and getting apprenticeships seeing all their prom photos and how happy they look makes me sad so i deleted social media i am in the same spot i was last year isolated and not communicating with anyone i barely do any work due to the fact it all feels degrading at this school i was predicted a at my last school because i havent done any work and swapped schoolsi ampredicted for ds nowi have tourettes i only get physical ticks but no vocal this affects my communication as it gets worst wheni amstressed or self conscious my body jerking around does impede on my speech at times which makes speaking in front of even one person a chorei share my classes with kids the same age as my little sister can you imagine how that feels to have a younger sibling catch up to you its feels crapi had a accident on a school trip when i was younger and spent 16 months in a backbrace i was about 12 i dont want anyone else to go through that at that youngi know my problems seem small compared to kids in africa or other ops on this subreddit but that doesnt make me feel less crap in fact it makes me feel worse angry at myselfwhen i am angry at myself i break things throw things and punch walls childish i know i have always had a short temper this lead me to my first suspension when i was in my old school just because some kids where throwing pens at my back which of course is a trigger for me i stood up and punched one so hard in the face he fell of his chair i feel bad he was only doing it due to peer pressure my squeaky clean record tarnished and the other kids didnt get in trouble because the teacher was oblivious and no children advocated for meim done ranting sorry if it looks bad but i dont exactly care,1
existential crisis at 29 i feel like theres no hope for me i dont even know why i try becausei am too stupid to do anything now that my prime is over theres nothing for me to look forward to anymore who would want mei amalone and should go away i just want to start with saying i appreciate anyone reading this i dont want to bore anyone by going into my life story but i feel like i have to give an idea how messed up i ammy best memories are from when i was four i lived on the family farm with my mother and father and grandparents unfortunately dad was an alcoholic he was involved in an accident when i was five brain injury confined him to a nursing home mom couldnt handle the pressure and left with me we moved to a trailer park we lived in pretty intense poverty i have adhd but i wasnt diagnosed until 25 after multiple hurdles depression made evaluations difficult due to memory loss symptoms with both depression and adhd they had to make sure i wasnt misdiagnosed i have so much hate for the teacher who made me feel like a defect in fourth grade i never had recess because i struggled in school i constantly felt like a bad kid i was an outcast i was severely bullied by the girls i heard retard more times than id like to admit one of the most damaging insults came from my teacher i thought girls were typically smarter than boys he also prevented me from getting the help i needed for my adhd he didnt believe in it i was just lazy just a bad kid i struggled with shyness and dyscalculia i would hide in the bathroom during my turn to show my work on the chalk board junior high wasnt much better i had a few good teachers who i felt safe around one teacher told us that the noncollege bound classes were meant for students whod become worthless adults mr shomaker also had a tendency to try to look up our skirts i realized later that thats why he put us in the front rowim deeply insecure not only do i have learning difficulties but at twenty i developed terrible cystic acne what could be better ruin my fair skin of course it had to happen it destroyed any confidence in me at twenty i ballooned to 220 i was failing college and felt very lost i worked at radioshack part time i just remember my supervisor waiting until other employees left then hed tell about how bad my face looked and how heavy i was he acted like it was something i could just scrape off my face like he was doing my a favor he was a disgusting pig never worked piled all the responsibilities onto us hed shed his nasty pubic hairlooking chest hairs in the register keyboards at remember at 22 crying my eyes out while stocking the numerous tags that exhausted my short attentionspan thinking how muchi amfailing at life i finally quit that job but it haunted me for years i stayed because i knew id couldnt do much better anywhere else i also worked at i applied twice at a call center and was finally hired ive gone to therapy where i wasted hundreds feeling like even more complete garbage the only benefit was my last counselor a little old man who recommended going to a gun range to relax me at 25 my aunt called me to let me know my father had died of a heart attack i briefly dated a man who seemed interested in dating me but he was suffocating pressuring me to move with him and buy a passport after two months he suddenly switched and started accusing me of horrible things he sent me texts that i deserved everything bad thats ever happened to me i then found out he was seeing someone else but just couldnt tell me that i wanted to die i spent several years very depressed occasionally venting on facebook yeahi am not bright i was told online to go kill myself by a drunk former classmate from high schooli amfairly sure i was mourning my dad around this time i think being dumped brought that out in me i just wanted someone to careim 29 i work in a call center where i feel stuck i can at least say ive never ever done drugs just caffeine or stole from others ive lost a little bit of weight by exercisingi amalso not a terrible artist at least but i feel likei ampast my prime now i missed out on the college experience finding myself making friendsi amalso a hopeless romantic who just wanted to find a guy who loves me but i feel so ugly i guess i have daddy issues ive never been good enough for a guy to love me who the hell would want mei ama pale blonde with bad skini amruined and i amjust going to become uglier i also never moved out mostly because my depression would isolate me furtheri amthe female equivalent of a basement dweller i have few friends except my dog shes the only reason whyi am still herei am so sorrytltri ama chubby 29year old girl with adhd cystic acne scars college dropout i have only had one boyfriend in my life every other man has always left me my dream was to be a cartoonist or some kind of artist but i feel like its too late for me and i should end my life soon as my small family dies off ,1
i cant stop thinking that suicide may be the best optioni am32 i was born with cerebral palsy all my adult life i heard from people how cushy it must be to live off their taxes because i got disabilityin 2009 i enrolled in college and earned an associates in medical billing i graduated in 2013 and stayed on to earn a bachelors in management which i earned this yearat the time i was making 675 a month disability but was able to live because of my best friend and roomie who helps me with billsin 2014 i took on a job and alerted social security i was told i had 3 years i could work i was never told i needed to show them my paystubs i gladly worked and attended class feeling happy to be working to be in class id show the people who called me a leech that i could be more id get off disability for myselfits 2017 ive graduated can find no work and have now been told by social security that i owe them 26000 in over payment because i was never supposed to get payments from 2014 onwardthey had my employer send them a 3 year print out of all my earnings when i called them to ask why i owed and why if they needed me to turn in my paystubs they never told me they replied we dont have to tell you you were supposed to knowi called them today to plead my case that with rent student loans etc i only have around 100 a month left and that i barely make over 1000 a month since my benefits stoppedi was told that i should send them at least 100 a month more if you can even then it will take you 21 years to pay us back you want to get this done sooner if you cani feel so fucking hopeless all i wanted to do was have a better life an education to stop hearing must be nice to sit on your ass and live off my taxesnowi am in debt i will never get out of every attempt to find work has fallen through i cant drive as its 2000 to put hand controls in our car and i just why go oni only havent killed myself because i cant bare the thought of my best friend finding me i dont love much but i love her too much for that,1
i dont know how i can get help sorry if this is hard to make sense of i feel like i dont know anything anymore i was 8 years old when my parents got divorced from then on until i turned 13 and had the courage to not go back to my fathers house i was physically abused half the time i was there always for no real reason i found out that he was into bdsm shit like that and i dont know what to think of those years now knowing this anyways all i can remember from my childhood is traumatizing shit and the stuff that isnt i dont even know if it actually happened or its just a dream or my head just making shit upi amyoung i guess still in highschool 10th grade last year was horrible i would be crying every other day in class just from not knowing anything and from what i would think others would think of me i changed schools after first semester didnt show up for almost 3 months and failed all but 1 class i wasnt in a good place constant delusions couldnt justify keeping up with basic hygiene unless i had to see someone who probably knew me because i didnt want anyone judging me for any reason one of the nurses or whoever at the second school brought something up which led to me having a panic attack to them calling my mother and practically forcing me to admit what happened back then my mother didnt care about it assuming it was just nothing and proceeded to yell at me over failing classes i had one close friend then a couple others who id talk with on a regular basis but i recently moved almost 900 miles away and i can feel that the internet wont keep those friendships together i have no friends at my current school and since ive been here we have only had enough money to get by everyone else here isnt like that i feel scared to say anything at my school since there are papers hung all over the place about suicide and i heard a classmate talking about how shes going to report another girl at my school because of her being depressed and i feel like i cant say anything to my mother or her fiance because i feel like theyd just tell me to get over this i tried talking to two of my old friends 900 miles away about a little bit of how ive been feelingthinking and the only response i got was thati amcrazy since february ive gone pretty much every day just overall thinking of suicide and simply not being here i dont see any point in living besides i dont want to possibly hurt anyone because of it in the future i would attempt to get help if i could but i dont know how ps mentioning that others have it worse doesnt help sorry again for my shitty writing there is other things going on with me but i dont feel like mentioning it because i just dont know how to word it ,1
ampathetic i know this is going to sound overly dramatic but as someone who has considered suicide since they were 8 years old i jump to dramatic conclusions quickly ive been in college for approximately 2 weeks now and ive realized what a piece of fucking lower middle class garbage i am compared to everyone else i come from a state in the tristate area and moved to ny manhattan specifically for college living in the dorms wherei amfrom there is no opportunity for someone like me because i am a creative and if you werent a family friend of some rich italian family who owned a pizza restaurant in my old town then you were shit out of luck for any opportunity now i go to an art school because believe mei am not capable of doing anything else i am fucking stupid and yes its expensive to be here and yes i got a significant amount of financial aid and yes its still a lot of money when i moved here i didnt come with that much money ive been very good at limiting what i spend i only spend money on what i absolutely need on top of college being a lot of money everything here is also more costly so money goes quick even if its only on essentials started my painting class yesterday and got handed out the long ass materials list and knew off the bat i couldnt afford all of this my class is full of wealthy exchange students who went out and bought everything on the list without any worry of financial stability during our break time i spent 6 hours in that fucking studio class thinking about howi am going to get all this shit and afford food at the same time i walked to an art supply store nearby and almost considered stealing some things but i didnt i left empty handed and feeling like shit on top of school materials i am practically wearing the same clothes every week because i have so few ive resisted spending literally anything or going out anywhere if i can help it ive heard a million different things about student loans and all that bullshit and my head still isnt completely wrapped around about what i have to do and where to do it to make my stupid fucking payments dont really want to think about it right now but i will do it anyways my parents are helping me out paying for tuition and shit but other than thati amon my owni am not going to kill myself right away but i would love to open my window and jump from 16 stories down onto the sidewalk and die i am so fucking alone here and so fucking pathetic money doesnt buy happiness but it fucking controls everything that i cant afford fuck college fuck my painting class and fuck my stupid fucking life i should have never been born,1
i cant stop thinking about my suicide ive been working on my letter all week if you need help killing yourself then heres a recipie for a poisonous drinkstep 1 get a potstep 2fill up to 34s water and put over stove till it boilsstep 3go to the store and put in 3 spoons of theobroma cacaostep 4the theobroma cacao is gonna be lumpy when you put it in so take your spoon and stir it till there are no clusters remainingstep 5add in monosaccharides and magnesium hydroxidestep 6add more of the theobroma cocoa stuff and mix even furtherstep 7 now once the heat mixes it take a cup and pour the mixture in step 8 if you truly wanna do yourself over drink 2 cups right before sleepingand that right there is how to enjoy the perfect cup of hot chocolatewait you wanted to know how to kill yourselfso i just wasted 20 minutes searching up the scientific names of chocolate milk and sugar for nothingwell shit,1
has anyone had a positive interaction with the 1800 lines in america i need to see if its possible to talk to someone to get through a notquitecrisis moment or does it always result in an intrusive police visit,1
i wish i had a gun one bullet is alli amasking for sadly its impossible for me to get and too much of a pussy to do it any other wayi am tired of it allanyone care to talk,1
i just took the scarf off my neck it felt different than i thought it would more pressure on my windpipe which hurt i wanted to blood choke myself pass out still in a noose and be done but when it came too close to really being done i realized i could do it later and in the meantime not give a shit about what anyone thinks about me,1
am still alonei am still alone and suicidal but i amfeeling better today i still want to end my life but for some reasoni amcontinuing this pain nothing can fill the void i have successfully and its making me feel worthless but i dont want to end my life because if i do i will never have happiness and a relationship i just dont know what to do,1
thoughts on suicidal impulses that arent always associated with actual feelings of sadness despair etci amwondering if anyone else tends to experience this because i havent really seen it discussed anywhere before obviously wheni amexperiencing particularly strong bouts of depression and feeling hopeless i dwell on thoughts of ending my life outside of that the rest of the time though i still have these like impulses or urges that seem completely disconnected from my mood or feelings like walking across a bridge not thinking about anything wrong with my life not experiencing anything that could be related to sadness or unhappiness or anything like that sometimes i can even be really happy or upbeat at the time but i will still feel this strong drive or draw towards the water like a magnetic pull towards the railing i ended up moving residences because i had to walk across a bridge to get to work from my old place and i wasnt sure i could trust myself forever likewise with freeways train platforms the presence of firearms or strong pills stuff like that i become preoccupied with their presence and its hard to concentrate on other things as my mind keeps drifting back towards that opportunity its not like wheni am going through a period of depression where i think about ending my life as an escape or because life isnt worth living or anything like that it almost feels likei amconsidering the act just on its own for no reason at all just to do it just because i can like the urge to scratch a mosquito bite or step on a sidewalk crack does anyone else experience that does anyone know of any literature or anything like that which speaks on it ,1
i hate that feeling you get when you feel worthless and useless i just feel likei ama spectator in this world when i was younger i remember saying to myself that i am a spectator of life that was because i loved listening to other peoples thoughts and their stories but now its still that but in the worse way possibleive started to feel like ive become a worthless and useless human being who is unintelligent and whos only goal in life is too be a spectator of life and never have any worth and meaning i dont have a girlfriend ive never had anyone else care about me aside from my parents and extended family but they are kinda forced to love meno one else has ever cared for me like my family and i just feel likei aminvisible whenever i go outside or wheni amat work or universityi am not very intelligent and i feel inferior compared to everyone else i knowno one will love me and ive tried to kill myself many times but ive never become scared of the idea to do it again i have made many plans and some have fallen through while ive been close to actually ending iti feel weak for not being able to kill myself and i want to do it again and again and again until i finally leave this worldim a worthless and useless human being no one will care for me and even if they said they did they really dont care when i kill myself i will be forgotteni am going to try and call the samaritans in the uk but i doubt it will be much help,1
ready to join the statistic just wish there was an easy wayi just want to not do anything anymore everything is a chore ive always said that sloth is my favorite sin i look at all the things i need to do i have a job and its fine but i havent been in a few weeks now i reenrolled in college again too self improvement is vital to a future but again i havent been since the first week and ok maybe you could say noone likes work or schoolthen i look at the things around me i have books to read and i just stare at them i learned years ago that i never play the games i buy on steam and stopped purchasing still so many things left untouched ive got friends who want me to go hang out or do things with them but honestly they are just searching for the me that was never real the me i created to succeed in societyi franticaly find excuse to avoid these invites to avoid anything new i hate thinking i hate feelingi amjust so desperate to stop everything in my lifei cant afford to live like this and i truly hope i can finally throw myself away tonight,1
very long post i might be killing myself in a couple of years i know that you guys might be tired of seeing posts about the same problems all over again but i amfeeling as if i really need to talk to someone who understands how this life works very long post ahead please show mercy to me ive been suicidal for more than 10 years now the first signs of depression appeared at about the same timei am21 now and ive already decided that i wont make it to my thirties considering how problems just keep piling up as you get older in fact i have already tried killing myself by stepping in front of an upcoming train unfortunately i was pulled back by some guy who probably thought id slipped on ice in hindsight i understand how stupidly selfish this was and i feel ashamed understanding how many problems i could create for the engineer and passengersi amthinking of using a more safe method now and ive found a couple already now i just need to put them to test this condition is a result of an extremely lifeworsening combination of things which make me a poor excuse for a human firsti amvery anxious and shy around people i physically cant stand their presence all i want is to sit in a quiet corner with no one to disturb me unfortunately as a college student i must engage in social interactions on an everyday basis and its a kind of torment for me i want to have true friends who would genuinely care about me but i would have nothing to give them in returni amalways sitting alone in quiet contemplation as they speak to each other and laugh and have fun and i amjust there like a monument to eternal sorrow and loneliness like an exile i wouldnt mind having a girlfriend but thats the next partanother problem isi amugly and i mean it not people are closing their eyes in horror scream and run away when they see me kind of ugly but quite close to that logical conclusion my chances of finding a girlfriend are nonexistent ive never been in a relationship i dont know what holding hands with your loved one feels like i havent even been kissed feels likei ammissing out on a very important part of this life but theres nothing i can do about it every time i think i learned to live with that reality reminds me how miserable i am and how easily such misconceptions can be shattered every time i see myself in the mirror i regret not having a gun at least that would spare people on the streets from having to look at this beast without the beauty so many problems could be solved if i had attractive appearance but i am not a lucky person and good looks are not for mei amalways comparing myself to other people and everyone absolutely everyone is better than me with few rare exceptions it doesnt work too good for my selfesteem which went below the core of earth long ago one more reason to end this miserable existencethe third problem is i live in a pisspoor third world country which keeps getting worse every year there is absolutely no chance of me ever leaving it i have very little money and even fewer opportunities to make some i always wanted to see what decent life means how people live in europe and the usa but fate decided that i must rot in my cage without getting out of it sometimes it seems to me that sneaking aboard a freighter going across the atlantic isnt such a bad idea jokes aside ive been thinking of becoming an i willegal immigrant due to how no legal options are available for me but that takes balls of steel and that is something i dont havei am too weak and soft to take any risks the fourth problem is i cant do things well i cant do anything well my only achievement in life was learning the english language which is hardly of any help in my situation there isnt much use to it when youre eternally locked in a country where people hardly know their own language let alone any foreign ones apart from that i havent achieved anything i cant draw i cant write i cant make music i cant do what anyone else around me seems to be able to do with ease crying at nights is something i could master with a little practice but it wouldnt get me anywhere all in all these problems combined make my life very difficulti amsurprised ive lived that long but i have a feeling that its about to end quite sooni ampretty sure someone has been in a similar situation before so i could use some wise words from the sages of this subreddit but without it gets better eventually please it doesnt,1
the feeling of guilt i dont know the best way to say it but i lost my only friends out of something stupid i did and now they hate me and have blocked me on all social media i now have nothing to live for as i dont have anymore friends and no life never been in any kind of relationship and nowi amover 350 pounds and still going the guilt is very overwhelming and its just making me suicidal and very depressed as of now i do not know what to do as thats why i am contacting reddit ,1
hit bottom today so i googled suicide methods and i chicken outjust reading about hanging scared me very dark read and i amfucking depresseddoes anyone else want to die but cant really go through all the process,1
i hate my family for loving me my family is the only reasoni amkeeping from killing myself i didnt choose to be here i didnt choose to live this shitty fucking life,1
i do not see a good reason to continue livingi am22 with a good degree and no student debt i will probably land a stable job with good pay within the next few months i have basically all the material comforts i want but i still havent been happy since i was 18 and thats because sociallyi amjust a fucking trainwreck i havent felt any sort of meaningful connection to any friends or acquaintances over the past four years save for two people one of the two ghosted on me two years ago the other is busy all the time and i still find myself afraid to ask her to hang out because i dont want to put more pressure on her ive never had a girlfriendi am still a virgin up until a month ago i hadnt even kissed a girl when i finally did i was convinced that i finally figured things out and that i was going to get to have the exciting blossoming social life that eluded me for the entirety of my time in college but now since going back to school but still living the same distance from me shes become pretty clearly disinterested in having any sort of relationship with me and i amleft staring down the barrel of another holiday season spent by myself in my room drowning myself in media to distract from the reality of my own existencei just dont see how things are going to get any better college the best chance i had to make friends and build a social life has passed me by i have no personalityi ama timid bundle of nerves from wherei amat now its hard to imagine ever meeting someone whos interested in me for more than a week all the material comforts in the world cant get me past the loneliness and shame i feel over this ive triedsoi amleft wondering what the point is in continuing with life ifi amprobably going to stay as isolated as i have been over the last four years the holidays are always the hardest time for me going out now and seeing halloween decorations knowing that i have nobody to share this time with just wears on me so much i already feel likei amat the end of my rope and we arent even halfway through september,1
i fucked everything up so everything is shit my boyfriend and i split up and yesterday i was home at a friend where i got really drunk ended up kissing with my friend who has a huge crush on me which was a big mistake i m not in love with him i was just drunk and sadon my way home i wrote to my ex boyfriend how much i miss him and that i didn t feel like living anymore he got absolutely furious said he had to call the police and that he would never speak to me again if i ever wrote something like that to him again and that i should hospitalize myself again i ended up convincing him he shouldn t call the police but he is still mad at me i apologised a lotended up calling the suicide hotline who just told me what i m going through is normal after a breakup i m just so tired of being me i m tired of being schizophrenic i m tired of not being able to do anything i miss my ex i m tired of always being left by the ones i love i m tired of being such a huge fuckup ,1
ama fucking coward i couldnt do it today i drove around to find a billboard thing i could jump off ofi am in florida and cops are doing post hurricane damage control so they werent paying attention but i couldnt fucking jumpi am so worthless my friends and family are begging me to kill myself at this point my best friend who i moved with here is even hoping i do it already and stop dragging my feet on it everybody knowsi am going to and nobody is going to stop me my birthday was yesterday and all i did was get drunk during the hurricane and cry that i was still alive i was supposed to kill myself years agoi am not worth shiti ama burden they all want this to happen i want it to happen i would do it right now if it was a sure thing it would end my life permanently i found some pro suicide blogs online and have been reading those religiously so i know which one hurts the least heres hoping i get the courage within the coming days i cant live like this anymore,1
use your depressive thoughts to live carelessly this is a post for everyone of you guys feeling suicidal ive been there many timesuntil i broke these patterns by realising what life really is its nothing for all we know it could be a figment of our imagination so go be careless have fun give zero fucks in other words become sort of a hedonist whats the worst that could happen you could die which none of us here would mind so whats the point of cutting to the chase make the most of whatever existence isand stop caring its so freeing,1
if it wasnt for pain id do it i mean physical pain i wouldnt mind leaving my family behind i guessi ama psychopath but if there was some kind of procedure that eliminates pain completely id do it,1
they say tomorrow is a new day but everyday is the same more sadness more loss more misery more pain more wishing i was gone i dont see why i should continue when its always the same day,1
urgent please help suicidal redditor is having some problems and they need support please help me help them 3,1
failing college dont know what to do long post 22 yo had repeat exams and i amsure i failed them this was the second time i was doing them and i am not sure if i can get into college majority of my friends 10 people have left the city to other countries and my parents live 250km away can anyone give a good reason why i shouldnt end it now i have only 1 friend lefti am so tired all the time and i amfucking failing in every aspect of my life i exercise i eat properly and try and get early nights but i cant ever feel happy i have no social life no one i can talk to my future in college is up in the air and i just feel likei amstuck in the mud while everyones passing me by apologies if i upset anyone,1
i dont want to die but i feel like i have no choicei amstuck and dont want to suffer anymore,1
my sad life i will never be loved my moment has come and pasti am27 spanish ugly and virgin and i never had a friend or a gf my parents are disgusting people school was hell i was shy everybody ignored me completely and two teachers bullied me for years during my 5 years of college i tried to stop the isolation and did it all therapy 2 kinds of it forced socializing during classes asking everyone how to be normal and make friends i did meditation during 4 years and yoga i went to every open parties smiling and talking to litteraly everyone that i could i used social media everyday and asked out dozens of females during all those years and get rejected every single time i enhanced my english so i could talk to foreign students too i visited teachers during the hours you can do it and talked about my problems with some of them i had a diary where every fucking day i wrote what i had learned that day what have i done or who ive been trying to talk that day and positive stuff like that i cleaned my room to the point it was like a monk room i went to swim twice a week and when i stopped swimming i began to run for an hour every day alone of course i changed my clothes and hair more than 5 times trying to hide my disgusting looks i found a easy job during weekends two times so i could meet a even more people and i could pay therapy and medication and yes i did all these things and more while taking medication for my social anxiety and during a whole year i was a volunteer and helped some very old women with basic stuff like eating and going for a walk i tried it all before graduating and failed miserably i got nothing from all of this just remembering it makes me feel sooooo tired i could barely sleep if i wanted to study and change myself enough to have friends at the same timei ama failure and my time has past now nowi ama isolated proffesional philosopheri should be looking for a job now but it doesnt worthi amsupposed to be a teacher soon but i know i cant even see a teenager couple without wanting to end it all i will never experience that and beautiful young women only make me feel likei amdone why should i get a job or keep studying anyway i dont want to be isolated anymore and those things are not going to help at all why trying anything if you know its not going to work what should i do with the money if i can keep a job more therapy more medication expensive meditation going to parties i cant share the money incould earn and i dont want it nothing is going to help nobody can help me my destiny is to be as lonely as a human being can be or to kill myself and thats whats gonna happeni am going to jump from my rooftop one day or another very soon i smoke for an hour every night there trying to find the courage to do it isolation is so much for me now that i ran out of ways to scape it now its just me and lonelinessnow i can barely think or feel anything at alli amdeeply depressed my good days when i had hope and energy to change myself had past because i know nothing can help me no matter how hard i tryi amway too ugly too beta too boring and shy most of the time i can barely think at all i watched like an spectator how extreme isolation destroyed my mind so right now that i feel more lucid than usual i wrote this most of the time i feel like a retarded person one day i will end it all and i really hope its happens as soon as possible becausei am so coward that i litteraly created this account on reddit so i could find the courage to kill myselfsorry for bad english i dont think i will be able to explain myself again before killing myself lucidity is rare for me at this point thats why i copypaste this mess again and againi am sorry,1
tomorrow might be the dayi am not 100 yet but i think tomorrow is when i will do it i stayed home from school today because i just couldnt bring my self to go to school and do my work like everything is okay tomorrow i will go i will dress cute look pretty for my final day make sure to hug all the friends i care about for a final goodbye when i get home i will need to write several letters to important family members and certain people in my life if youre wondering whyi am going to kill myself i guess i will tell you why my life was a mess i was doing lots of shit i shouldnt do drugs sleeping around not respecting myself because i was depressed i have diagnosed depression it runs in the fam woohoo but then something changed my dad gave me the option to stay where we were or move to a new state because he had gotten a job offer even though i liked my life at the time because i had a few friends and would party every weekend something inside me told me to move on so i did i came to where i currently live and my life changed so much for the better i had a new better reputation people liked me well a lot of girls were still bitchy thats never changed and i met someone i met him everything about him was perfect and we instantly clicked best friends and lovers he knew everything about my past and the low things i had done and he loved me anyways i knew everything about him too ive never had such an honest and open loving relationship with someone he really was the one as dumb as that may sound to u well this summer something changed and we had a huge fight over something he had done not cheating i was so mad at him and even though i forgave him for months afterward i acted childish always mad over small things always being too overprotective of him we had both always been overprotective of eachother but since then i took it to the extreme and i knew i wasnt behaving the right way but at the time i didnt give a shit because i was still mad at him but that doesnt mean i didnt love him i love him more than anything and we still had tons of happy times but i guess the bad times canceled those out and i guessi am an idiot because i ignored him when he warned me he wasnt happy like this and then last weekend was the breaking point he came back from a trip and told me he wanted to break up he was serious i fought for him and begged him and told him i really would change the way id been acting finally he agreed that while i went out of town the following weekend wed have a mini break he promised to keep an open mind and also stay loyal to me of course some time away from eachother so we didnt call and barely texted and it was the hardest thing ever someone whos been in your life constantly for so long well yesterday i flew back and i had lost hope over the weekend but i didnt let myself feel the pain i told myself not to worry because in 2 days i can just take the pain away forever well yesterday i did something foolish i let hope creep back in i had hope he would listen to me and believe me id change he didnt hes heard it before but i meant it this time i did bc losing him was at stake i tried everything and i spoke to him from my heart and he didnt care he wouldnt do it and i amdevastatedi am so mad at myself for taking him for granted i love him and i am so sorry i wish i could go back in time to take it all back and at this point i dont care anymore i dont want to move on i cant imagine seeing him with anyone else i cant imagine myself talking to anyone else so tomorrows the day i think i just have to pick a sure method either gabapentin od slicing my wrists or a combo of both for sure outcome or jumping off a cliffbuilding congrats if u read my miserable story to the end no advice please i dont care if things get better blah blah i dont carei amdone ,1
i hate my life i think about killing myself everyday i dont have anyone or anything to keep me stay theres nothing that makes me happy ive lost interest in everything and i dont care about anything life wasnt meant for me i wish i wasnt born,1
over and over in my head put a gun to my head pull the trigger nowi amdeadconstantly i say this over and over and over i imagine in my head of actually doing it even doing it with my fingers to my head the tingling sensation at the side of my head i feel when doing it echoes of telling myself to kill myself repeating i hate my life in my head all the time over and over ,1
how to cope ive lost a baby a few years ago very unsupportive partner was never here emotionally have tried to work things out with him but things always turn to shit between us he never put me first he ran off on me most of our time togetheri am so sad over the baby and losing him on top of that i know he isnt worth it but i feel like he should be feeling how i am i feel like since the baby was a part of us both being with him makes it hurt less now that hes gone i feel so sad alone and like the baby meant nothing to him ive been overdosing on painkillers every night just trying to end it alli amlashing out at him for hurting me and i just cant get the anger out of my head he has already moved on and couldnt care less about me how can i get through this i just dont want to see him out with his new girl as it will just kill me inside even more,1
not sure it will ever go away since i was 14 ive had issues with suicide and depression a lot of that stems from my childhood not the best but maybe a story for later anyways highschool was bad but after highschool was worse i didnt really have the social support structure that i neededi am28 now i still have my battles but it doesnt feel as bad as it once did part of me believes that well never truly be 100 healed i still like to think theres hope though i will say that after fighting the fight for so long it does become tiring almost to the point in which youre ready to throw in the towel once you get over that hill fighting the fight is simpler you can suppress it alot easier its still hard though occasionally i will have a suicidal thought but not as frequently as i once did i have hope ,1
amjust tired its long past time for me to go my whole life has been little more than sadness misery and pain i have no hope that itll be any better tomorrow only worse my mind is broken from untreatable mental i willness my body is breaking down from stress perpetual suffering and my crummy job my soul is long gone everyday is bad alone isolated just waiting for my pitiful excuse for an existence to endi am tiredi amjust plain tired life was never meant for me i would have been better off having never been conceived its time for me to leave this world leave this life at last i already have a method in mind all it needs now is its final preparations i thinki amready,1
constant physical pain i just want it to end i have a disease called interstitial cystitis its a bladder disease that makes you feel like you have a constant uti except theres no infection and no curei am in constant pain every second of the day ive tried every treatment that five different doctors have thrown at me and nothing has helped i have to stick to an incredibly limited diet or the pain becomes excruciating anything that tastes good is off limits nothing but really bland meats and grains and vegetables no seasoning most fruit is bad no chocolate no coffee no alcohol no acidic food of any kind acid is basically what gives food flavor i cant have sex because it makes the pain worse and that part of my body always hurts at what point does life just not become worth living i feel like ive hit that point i wish assisted suicide for chronic pain was legal in the us i would try to do it myself but i am too afraid of failing ,1
i feel likei amdrowning i just got rejected after my fourth job interview ive been searching and unemployed for a month stuck in a house with emotionally abusive and controlling parents desperate to make some money and leave but i canti dont know what i even want out of life anymore i have no aspirations and my self confidence is completely shot i have no friends either never have never will i really dont want to kill myself because i am too scared i also think i still love my parents and my brother who constantly berates me and blames me for arguing with my parents instead of being completely obedient like him and dont think i can do this to them by taking my own life but the longer i live the more i see no way out of this pain i sometimes think i was just meant to eventually do it cuz i am a waste of effort and resources on my parents maybei am too stupid to realize that yet anyways thank you all for listening,1
i really need help but dont know what to do i was suicidal in high school went through therapy got pilled up and felt worse for it all they made me feel was numb and alone at the same time i felt like a third person watching myself live life when i went away to college i started feeling better i met a girl that showed me happiness was possible and it was the first time in my life i felt genuinely loved by someone because of who i was as an individual and not because of relation that joy was fleeting though shortly after being together the depression came back but i wasnt suicidal anymore flash forward years later and the suicidal tendencies and thoughts crept back into my head two months ago she realized she couldnt deal with it anymore after 45 years together and broke up with me now i feel all alone the only person that could pull me out of my worst spots is gone she was also the one that would push me to do something with myself when i felt helpless and would try as hard as possible to make me happy even if it was just for a moment she was my best friend and my lover in one i always told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me and would try as hard as i could to make her feel appreciated but now weeks after our breakup i still keep in contact with her but she said she only ever feels sad when she sees me that coupled with the rumors i hear about what shes doing nowadays hurts so i dont know if talking to her is a good idea anymore i love her still and i feel my best talking to her but i cant bear the impact i have on her and how i feel afterward she isnt the source of the depression nor is she the source of these tendencies i have i just felt like sharing that because now i dont know who i can lean on and what to do for myself i want to get better but i fear that its too late for me i really just want someone to talk to and lean on ive been so panicky anxious stressed and lonely what freaks me out the most is that thinking about suicide is the only thing that relaxes me it helps me stop thinking about whats wrong in my life and how i feel its the only way i fall asleep at night please help reddit any advice is more than welcome and feel free to pm me ,1
fukt when i was 8 years old i chewed a pen cap to the point of sharpness and carved fukt on my knuckles i should have known then what i ultimately know now there is nothing in this world for a person like mei ama narcissist a loner a complete asshole a sad tune ive been a professional cook for the past 14 years of my life which makes sense i would have never thought i would have the job i have now but the mere thought of walking into chaos and disarray five days a week bums me out even more than breathing does sure kitchen work is the only work i know i should be appreciative of making the most money i have ever madei am not recently me and my girlfriend have been going through a rough patch i calmly talked to her about how she needs to help with bills rent and other things for our apartment i added that she has been very cold towards me which i attributed to her grieving process of a lost coworker in december previously mentionedi amno saint i spew smartassed comments like a broken hose i need my personal time i like to play guitar until all hours of the night you would have thought being together for 3 years she would have tried to get her act togetheralas 3 days later she turns and says something to me that i cant stop thinking about ive been thinking about our conversation on monday youre right but i cant give you what you deservei am going to move back in with my parents my brother is on his way to help pack everything up hes 15 minutes away what a load of garbage i was a gentleman honestly i was i calmly started gathering her things and loading them into her and her brothers car at this moment as calm as i was i knew my old suicidal feelings were starting to muster inside of me she said we would talk soon i didnt believe her i went back into my dusty apartment and laid on my bed i had the thought that i never wanted to see her again after the way she walked away from me i quickly got up went to the computer and deleted every picture and post that we ever shared on every social media outlet i blocked her her friends and her family members i didnt want reminded of this person who i loved so very deeplyit scares me that i didnt cry we are on talking terms now but leaving the way she did hurt me in a place ive never been hurt before i told her that she agreed we needed to talk i explained how i felt in great detail i told her i didnt know if i could trust her ever again after the way she left if a person chooses to abandon you for asking for help in basic life situationsi ampretty sure they will leave you just as quickly if something serious happens she wants to work things out i dont know if i can get over the massive breach of trust and a kneejerk reaction to leave me in the dust this isnt the first time i battled with ending my own life 4 years ago i ate a ton of vicodin and sleeping pills combined with a half bottle of jameson waking up from that was terrifying you cant move your arms or legs as fast as you want its a pretty surreal feeling i remember thinking i bet two more vicodin would have done it she would pick me up from work every day i dont drive i have a depth perception problem and doctors have repeatedly informed me i am physically unable to drive and i believe them the problem is pretty bad but now that i have an hour and 45 minute bus ride home after getting my dick kicked in all day at work it just makes me feel even more shitty i dont drive i dont care for work the woman i loved with all of my heart left me in the lurch i dont have the strength to carry on any longer at 29 years of age i was supposed to be over feeling this way i was supposed to be happy and generally healthyi am not i just want everything to stop i want the thoughts to stop i want to stop being confused i want to stop feeling like this is the end and i cant i cant see the road ahead i cant see a future worth living for i cant see a love worth living for i cant stop thinking about howi am going to end my life i still havent shed a single tear and i feel like that says more than i ever could to myself ,1
amback i have no effort for life and havent for six yearsi amdone,1
please help i am really fucking depressedi am so depressed i think ive lost my own sanity because i dont know what emotion to feel happiness or sadness i see these horrible things and i just wish i had the moneypower to make it right but whats a 16 year old kid to do with no car or moneyi ampretty smart id like to think but that doesnt get me anywhere every human ive ever come in contact with misunderstands me and i just cant take this anymore i really need help,1
anyone know where to buy seconal if i had it i would kill myself same horrible feeling to want to go so bad,1
my premature aging is pushing me closer to suicidei ambarely 23 and i have recently developed nasolabial wrinkles which are becoming even more noticeable each day everyone around me has mentioned them in addition to this my eyes are becoming crinkley and my entire face is sagging likei am45 literally a year ago i was being mistaken for a 13 year old and now suddenly ive aged 20 years in a matter of months because of a serious depressive episode i lost my job and ive been contemplating the actual end of my life ive been playing around with it by cutting myself super deeply for the last 5 monthsi amall scarred up maybe its vain but i am already not great in the looks department so this is a huge blow and honestly idk how to go on with my life with everything that has happened and now with my face i have a trip to go on to visit my sister in early october and as soon as i get home i thinki amjust going to end it ,1
idk what to do anymore sorry for the long post i just typed what came to mind i m currently 23 and a half years old living in the netherlands when i was 16 i was diagnosed with high sensitivity and depression things that happen hit harder and stick longer in my brain both positively and negatively mostly the negative things though since my 16th birthday i ve had a psychologisti know right lovely birthday present until last year when i thought i had my life under control but apparently i ve just hit rock bottom when i was 15 i had my first girlfriend she had some problems of her own but i didn t think much about it because at that time i was busier with getting bullied and sitting behind my computer playing video games couple of months later she moved in with me and my mother i don t really know the reason anymore but there were some problems at her home it seemed like a good idea and it was kind of enjoyable for the first couple of weeks we shared a room and you know were teenagers raging with hormones after the said couple of weeks i kind of lost interest in the sexual things but still loved her nonetheless she began to change waking me up with sex while i didn t feel like it but i couldn t say anything about it because i thought it was normal my daily life consisted of waking up playing video games going to school coming back home and eating dinner crawl behind the computer chit chat with my ex talkingwatching tv if she wanted to do something or almost fall asleep behind the computer and go to bed occasionally someone that i knew messaged me or dragged me out of the house to get something to drink the owner of the caf she took me to knew my family so sometimes he would give me a couple of beers got a little out of my shell and went back home again every time i started talking to my ex that i wasn t feeling very happy and that i needed time for myself she threatened to commit suicide so i kept quiet my ex began to change again more sex i couldn t talk to people anymore she even got pissed at me when i talked to other people or even my mom didn t really know how to deal with it all around that time but i kind of held onto her annoyances and got annoyed as well due to my high sensitivity people around me couldn t see it but it was chipping away on the inside bullying continued at school and even at home i wouldn t feel comfortable anymore months later i snapped and ended up in some youth prison i blacked out broke a couple of windows and screamed at people and threatened my sister and my mother when it all happened when i try to remember it all again it s all foggy and i get a massive headache even to this day after a couple of weeks in youth prison i decided i had to get rid of my ex because she was negatively impacting my life i didn t care about her life anymore because i needed to fix my stuff first if i wanted to continue living she agreed packed her stuff and two days later had a new boyfriend i got over it but my daily life continued with gaming school and my courtassigned psychologist i discovered that i was depressed didn t see life in colors i couldn t care less about the people around me and didn t even feel a connection with my family members no bond or anything as far as i was concerned i was living with strangers i got antidepressants after the first couple of talks and the dosage increased more and more after every couple of talks i had no will to live no reason to be alive i was just a small dot on a piece of paper after a lot of talks i kinda felt better i was getting good at some videogames and even ended up having a lan party and actually winning it felt really good to achieve something even though it felt i wasn t even that good i felt as if my team won and i was unnecessary i still put on a happy face for my team and the pictures that were getting taken but it wasn t me that helped the team to the first place it was the other four i started studying application developer not really having any clue why but it made me sit behind a computer the entire day and i learned new things so i couldn t complain it was a 4 year course but in my second year i lost interest and motivation again every teacher and fellow student told me i breezed through the classes and i could pick up things in an incredible pace but i couldn t get out of bed never hungry or felt the need to eat and i d cry myself to sleep for some reason i was still unhappy my psychologist called the school and talked to their therapist to set up a meeting with me to talk me through my issues so i could get my motivation back and continue because i was already halfway it didn t work out and i redid my 2nd year no luck felt even worse didn t make it my school talked me into downgrading the level so instead of an application developer i started studying to become an it guy all my older classmates finished school and i barely made it through the entrylevel course i started doing different kinds of work to get money slowly things looked a little brighter i had money i could do things myself i wasn t that much dependent on my mother and stepdad anymore and i even got lighter antidepressants i met a girl on someone else s birthday party a couple of months later and when i was intoxicated enough we made out and started hanging out we had a good thing going every weekend i went to her parents place to play videogames and talk about difficult things she had a lower back hernia and in secret i tried learning to give lowerback massages to people with hernias to relieve their pain a little but sadly i took over the negative trait of being to clingy from my previous ex and destroyed the only good thing i had in life i was devastated back to square minus 50 i started getting suicidal and they upped my meds again tried committing suicide 4 times and even when i almost jumped in front of a train someone pulled me off and not because he was a good person but because he didn t want to be late for work talk about a finishing blow i went back to focusing on work and getting money and years later i met someone else at the same job in that year my meds were taken away and i could handle it on my own we started dating and the talks with my psychologist ended it felt natural and trusting so i ended up opening up to her couple months later we had our own place and she became my reason and motivation to work 5 days a week and earn money to provide a month ago we had our 1 year anniversary last week i had 2 more hours to go at work and i received a text saying she took all her stuff and she was gone she didn t feel anything for me anymore and that she was sorry i m home alone now for a week over the years i learned to be composed and to calm myself but i m cracking open and i don t know what to do anymore i m at the end of my train of througts videogames sports or music don t keep my mind off my depression anymore and i m losing it i don t know what to do or where to go but i know the depression just climbed all the way back and everything around me is back to grey i m trying to put my mask on to continue working but i can t anymore i need advice _,1
am in constant physical pain from stress ptsd actually cptsdi have tried everything but the physical pain is so overwhelming it always comes back no matter what it permeates my arms legs face neck torso everything every cell in my body is usually in so much pain i cant handle it anymorewhats more is i have constantly been psychologically fucked up for the nearly 21 years of my life i have never known happiness or togetherness with people who value me i have no idea what that is like i dont know what love is i cant keep going i have so much pain in me and theres no solution,1
i dont believe that doctors actually want to help if they did they would help people like me the ones who are truly lost end their suffering would be helpful,1
the world doesn t have anything to offer me life is entirely meaningless if you have to spend it entirely alone i had a 6year relationship fall apart last year because of my severe depression i just kinda let him walk away because i thought our relationship which was codependent and often involved his emotional and sometimes physical abuse of me was destructive and could never make me happy like it used to and for a while i was relieved to be without him and hopeful for the future i met someone new and started this promising new relationship that didn t replicate any of the problems of the last one and was happier and more productive than i had been in years i was sure i d made the right decision and that i d gone through hell in that last relationship just to meet this new guy six weeks ago he walked away too dumping me with a text message and claiming it didn t feel right to him he must have realised how worthless and intrinsically unlovable i am i m simply ineligible for relationships i m too ugly no you re not everyone says and yes i fucking am i ll preemptively cut off that derailing by giving you proof and broken my longterm ex has moved on to a fantastic fulfilling relationship and i m stranded alone forever and consumed with jealousy that he gets to be happy so who was the defective one in that relationship the guy who immediately meets a new girlfriend or the girl who gets dumped again and spends the next 50 years completely alone and i will be alone this is also not up for debate because i m a 210 because i m shit at dating because i spent most of my 20s in a longterm relationship and have bpd so i m either immediately infatuated with someone or don t give a fuck about him there s no in between and because the only person i m attracted to is my recent ex because i m highly disposable because no one who had a choice would ever choose me i don t even choose me there are a few things in my life outsiders would think are good i own a flat i live in a great city i m reasonably successful but i ve realised it s all meaningless if you can t share it if you ve been exiled from the world of love and companionship and forced to watch everyone enjoy the things you don t deserve and i have to know that it s all my fault because i wasn t content in my longterm relationship because i had the hubris to think that i deserved better when really i was so lucky anyone loved me because i somehow managed to destroy my next relationship and transform his feelings for me into apathy although i was so careful to make sure he never knew about my depression and tried so hard to be perfect and worthy of him because i was born hideousthe world can t offer me anything that even remotely compares to what i ve lost therapy and medication both of which i m getting cannot magically make me worthy of love cannot bring people back into my life cannot give me a future cannot make me attractive that s all immutable and i can never be happy alone not once i learned what i was missing the only way out is to kill myself but right now i m too much of a coward to do it too afraid of messing it up and i really need to do it sooner rather than later if only to spare my family and friends the misery and stress of dealing with me my mother keeps telling me i m going to give her a heart attack because of my various crises and hospitalisations i sometimes can t believe i have the gall to keep breathing when i have been shown so many times that i m just a burden on people that people will never love me that i will never again have a shred of happiness i ve stuck postin notes all over my house telling me to suck it up and do it just endure a little pain for quiet and relief but i m still here like a moron tldr i m too worthless and ugly to be loved and to be alive ,1
amfeeling lost and have no clue what to doi am21 and i dont know what to do anymore i used to have dreams hobbies happiness goals and a purpose to keep trying for a better life but now i dont i have a little problem with social skills i dont know how to express my feelings into words to communicate with the others even just a normal conversation i have been silent for too long that i almost forgot how to speak even in my own mother language i dont have any friends and i cant make new friends because i cant trust anyone and i am really afraid to say goodbye i used to not be like this to be honest i miss my old self i used to be a naughty talkative energetic kid because i want my mom attention to be accepted and loved and cause i also hate school ive always felt marginalized unwanted and inferior to my siblings i envy themi am not good at anything but i still want her to look at me and talk to me and hug me we finally did she finally looked at me and tried to understand whats inside my head i was really happy till we found out she has cancer stage 3 my father came back from nowhere after left us with debt to be with mom and help the hospital bills its still haunting me when she was crying in agony begging to be dead and apologized for leaving her kids behindi amdying i shut down eveything locked myself and tried to kill myself my father is dating someone right after my mom died he left the house took my little brother with him my mind is completely blank i dont know what to think nor say it just empty it was bad at that time but i got over it and stood up working on a new goal i went to college multimedia art school my father hate it and against me going to art school because he doesnt like my art so i studied alot to get good grades to prove that he is wrong i have had 3 jobs at once to earn more money for school and subsistence fee i tried my best to make new friends and i met my first love in college things went well until shit happened ive been betrayed by my first love tricked by my coworkers and the clients didnt pay me i got really sick and its keep getting worse i have lost more than 20kg due to sickness stress and insomnia i have a fear of asking for help but at that time i have no choice so i took all my brave to ask my family and friends for help and they turned me down i gave up its awful my scores getting worse each day no matter how hard i tried everything just collapsed and i cant hold on anymore i quit my jobs dropped out of my school locked myself again i have started to sleep a lot the longest is nearly 3 days and still feel tired and always tired end up spent nearly a year just lying in bed doing nothing i tried again i went out and find a job that fit me and tried again i found a new hobby and spent all the money i have saved to learn tattooing i really think its going to work this time but once again i failedi ama fool a failurei amuseless worthless i cant do anything right or think properly people are so selfish mean ungraceful judgmental and deceivable they are terrifying mei am so tired of everything i just want to meet my mom hug her and go to sleep with her foreveri am tiredi amgood for nothing i dont have any purpose to keep tryingi amafraid of going outside talking to people i have so many negative thoughts and it keep drowning me i cant go out anymore my art suck no one like it everyone is a liar no matter how much i try things will never change i cant do anythingi amstuck father is going to sell my moms house to pay the debt i dont get along well with my siblings family i have tried too much i pretend to be alright always fake a smile so people stop asking and giving me more pressure but now i dont know what to do now i dont even know what to think,1
feel rediculous i wrote my note today just for my friend i need her to know she couldnt have saved me this isnt her fault she needs to be happy to continue,1
amtrapped i have to go to class in an hour but i amstuck on whether i should end it or not i dont know what to doi amshaking i have work to do but i cant focus i dont know what to do,1
amhonestly so lost so i dont know what i should do anymore ive attempted suicide before multiple times reaching out to my mom was the first thing i did after my first attempt failed this was in middle school i called her told her what i did and she picked me up and i spent the night with her i was living with my dad at the time since my parents were spliti am not really sure what happend to cause me to become so suicidal and i mightve forgotten at this point honestly but its turned my life into a downward spiral once i entered middle school i completely started skipping class i would sleep through them or skip this continued until once again at the end of my middle school life i attempted suicide this was the first time i had to be hospitalized for it and once again i asked for help and ended up at a therapist talking to him i lied constantly lied lied and lied this was well how i was raised by my mom i dont know if she was embarrassed of me or what but when she got remarried she had me constantly lie to the guy this started up even more once i started high schooli have 2 siblings one older and one younger sister their treatment is 200x better than me throughout my freshman year of high school i always slept on the floor in our house we had a spare room but my mom made me sleep on the floor still i really dont know why my older sister would let me sleep in her bed sometimes but not always in my second year i got a laptop this is when i started playing games to keep my mind of suicide i honestly couldnt take my life at this point i would constantly read books from the library during class resulting in extremely poor grades but i didnt care to me i always felt worthless anyways only my 2 sisters were meant to be anything i was always going to be trash my mom would make sure to always compare me to my older sister i hated it so much but always i would bottle it up never say anything my second year of high school i dropped out since then ive done everything i could to just find something interesting to keep myself happy even the smallest thing whenever my mom tells me something id just bottle it up and turn away ive only ever gotten angry and yelled twice once in elementary and another last week when i just couldnt take it anymoremy mother constantly has me lying to friends and family telling themi am in college or doing well i cant take this anymore i dont even know if i can try to pick up my life at this point i honestly am just thinking of grabbing the gun in our house and ending it all ive never had any friends to talk to the only person i could talk to was my mother and she didnt help when i reached out to her i just dont know what to do anymore,1
can i talk with someone sorry for ask this but unfortunately i have no one to talk about this i just want to clarify somethings before commit suicide,1
fetish about death suicidal but not depressed someone please help me diagnoseunderstand myself betterwhen i was young i remember being constantly suicidal back then it was definitely due to depression growing up i was a younger sibling who felt like my parents would only lovecare for my older sibling and didnt like me much they had us at a young age early 20s and she was a prodigyexcelled at school and everything she did while i was didnt even speak until i was 5 i understood language but intentionally didnt verbally communicate so they thought i was mentally slow if an argument ensued between me and my sister then regardless of whoever is right they would take her side and scold me it was obvious to everyone that they wished my sister was the guy due to hypertraditional values and only kept me around the house because i was the one born with a penistheni am not sure exactly when but somewhere in late elementarymiddle school the beating started i was physically disciplined and scolded before apparently they hit me since i was 1 but i amtalking about beatings i dont think i had it as bad as some others for it was never done under alcoholicsubstance rage by my father and i never felt my life threatened but damn those were not pretty days hell call the school to say that i wont be coming in the next day and go at it his courtesy was allowing me to wear long pants before the session began put me in a push up position and beat me with either a hockey stick wooden baseball bat or a golf practice clubsometimes hed let me choose these sessions werent too often but more often than not it would go on until i wasnt able to walk for the next following days sometimes i was actually guilty of what he was accusing but sometimes i wasnt and that drove me mad for no amount of pleading and reasoning worked with him its also why i dont blame my mother as much she was married to him i can only imagine but he never laid a single finger on my mother or sister but countless days went by with me on the floor crying like a maniac envisioning the day that he would diethen there was the eating disorder this mostly had to do with my selfconfidence i suppose but i became bulimic around then as well and threw up after every meal it wasnt because i didnt like food trust me it was pretty much the only thing that kept me alive in fact i remember loving eating so much that i thought i live to eat and literally only threw up just so i could eat more kinda like how the romans used to do but all this made me really overweight and i reached 210pounds by the end of 8th grade but throughout all the time i hated being fat my family made fun of me in public i knew i didnt look good and would grab on my flabby stomach and cry in the showerso this was around when late elementary around 9th grade i was definitely depressed and suicidal everyday i didnt know i was depressed back then because i simply didnt grasp the concept but it was bad where i was didnt have guns so id always grab a kitchen knife when everyone was asleep and tried cutting myself here and there but throughout all the years no matter how desperately suicidal i was i could never muster the courage to actually slit my wrists deep enough i was a freaking coward and i even hated myself more for that the one thing i could actually have control over i was too much of a fucking coward to pull through i remember wishing if we were still in the states without a doubt this was already over with with a gun this went on for years on a daily basis and i think thats when it became a part of mefast forwarding to the present i am an excellent student at an well established university i excel at both my studies and at my workplace that my future definitely looks bright despite the current political and economic madness during high school the abuse continued and intensified and my parents marriage fell apart but i found sports that i excelled in lost all my weight and had a great social life finally finding a life for myself out of my housebut when i reached adulthood i noticed that i has a love for knives i love the way they feel how its built how a right one feels so cozy and right against my hands holding onto it definitely helps me sleep and i have no motivation to live more like i dont really care what happens but i wish i died not becausei amdepressed it does come sometimes every now and then but havent really had one since 2015 but for reasons i dont quite understand maybe its because ive come to accept that life is mostly going to be filled with shittier moments than not maybe its the frustration with the human race and all the injustice of the world maybei amjust bored or tired but i believe that death is the ultimate liberator as we are chained on this world in a cycle of paintemporary pleasuresgrieves and sin death is what sets us free i often imaginefeel it as a longseparated lover that i long to embrace her kiss would set me free i think about death like how a starcrossed lover thinks about their significant other maybe today will be the day or perhaps i must wait longer if you read all of that i truly thank you it was long and you probably didnt need that in your life but i am curious and honestly somewhat concerned about my case i know its not normal if anything any type of psychoevaluation is welcomed ,1
alone someone talk to me just talk i just wanna let everything out,1
i woke up and contemplated whether to give up today i am thinking about breaking up with my so our relationship is failing because of me and my drinking i want to write out notes voice messages for some close friends and family also go through my stuff to see which i am going to give away which to destroy and which to be left untouched clean up my room and try to keep it as tidy as possiblepreparations are going to take awhile but having my dream the constant fucking suicidal thoughts the self destructive habits ruining everything around me burning bridges and fucking my entire life up it all makes me think ive had enough ,1
thinking about clocking out ive ruined my life already lost my first job out of college because of this depression went unemployed for a year before landing a warehouse job felt suicidal during that whole time only a week into this job and i have a sick feeling in my stomach before even going into worki ambroke and cant afford to quit i know this feeling always comes back to me and theres nothing i can do thinking about finally giving up i cant take feeling like this anymore,1
help i cant move my next move is either suicide or revelation i dont want to keep going i cant get these suicidal thoughts out of my head i have been sleeping all day just to cancel it out i dont want to hurt my family if my family werent in the way i would have ended myself years ago i have college and stuff on my chest too but its so hard to focus am i not fit for society i am in physical pain from being so fucking depressed,1
too much i cant break through your world cause you live in shades of cool your heart is unbreakablei am too youngi amfragile what can you overdose on what is the easiest way to die,1
i am crying and feel like killing myself i get punished for being able to do things i get punished for not being able to do things i was just diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum in july and i am24 years old i grew up with an abusive and neglectful mother now i live with my father and he is wonderful however i can count on one hand the number of people who care about me hint its 2 i cant find any help because for 1 apparently no one knows wtf autism is for some reason even in mental health facilities 2 it is assumed i should have gotten this help long ago that part is true but not my fault while applying for medicaid disability i was told that because i didnt have any accommodations as a child i would most likely be denied i was so stressed and upset all throughout high school that i took an hour out of class every day to cry in the restroom that teacher didnt know what was up with me but he had a heart i was physically i will all the time from stress and remember breaking down in front of students and teachers in class claiming that i didnt understand how i could finish the work in time and why no one else struggled i was always told it would be worth it to graduate six years later and the misery i endured there was most certainly not worth it nothing in my life has been worth it people are cruel and impossible ,1
am i crazy everything just seems so fake and empty i wonder what is really out there i have no point wondering with no answers to my questions i just feel so insane and weird and people see me as crazy when i see them as stupid and boring i know it sound big headed but its just the way i feel i have a girlfriend and am 15 years of age soi amhoping shit will look up for me but most of my dreams have already been crushed by the shock of reality and it crushes me,1
amready sitting here in my bathtub and a knife dont know whyi amsubmitting this probably for attention right anywayi am doing it within the next 20 minutes before my dad gets home,1
you ever feel hollow everyday,1
was about to kill myself but realized it was probably going to be a slow death so i stopped i was in my bed rethinking everything wrong with me and my current lifestyle i was looking up ways to kill myself without making it seem like i did it on google when this thought passed through my head what if i just suffocate myself to death with a pillow that way theres maybe the chance that everyone was going to take that as me dying because i fell asleep on a weird position so i put my head on the pillow started breathing and just waited i was running out of air when i stopped i assume i inhaled some carbon dioxide seeing as i started breathing heavily when i pulled out i guess i couldnt wait that much wouldve been a very slow death this just happened i dont know what to do or think right nowi amprobably going to waste the rest of the night crying myself to sleep while eating garbage or smthedit idk if i should call this an attempt but i guess i will have to talk about this to my therapist wonder what shell say ,1
hey i need help to find a good way to die do not try to tell everything will be ok if i search every fcnk time i just found that they are sayin yes thanks for the helpi amok now ,1
hey hit me upi am looking for someone to talk to i might fall asleep shortly but id be happy to keep you company whats been bothering you to make you want to post here,1
i need to talk to someone i dont mind talkingi amjust a random butt btw not a specialist of any knid,1
i dont thinki am going to kill myself tomorrow what i want to happen will never happen if i make myself die because i want it so badly that being a relationship and happinesscontinuing with life albeit horrible is the only way to get what i want out of it even if the current moment sucks i can try to make the most out of now try to make now better instead of yearning and the future even if going through it is the worst pain ive ever felt,1
cant think of a titlei am really on a low place and feel my life is useless and i feel the least i can do right nowi want to do right now is to lend a hear if someone needs or help someone in anywayi amuseful so if you need someone to talki amheresorry if its against rules and plus sorry my english is bad,1
i dont have a choice but to set this flat on fire and kill myselftheyll cut my electricity off in a day or twocant pay the whole bill for the life of mecant find 16 bucks for the last one eitherim doneim doneim so donethat fucker that tortured my mother to pay off her debt is now doing it to megiving me twosoon to be onewekk to pay off all her debti cant get free law support in timei got no choicelifewith or without job will be hell,1
how can a depressed person help another depressed person i need help this last weekend my boyfriend and i had some lsd pappers he had an od and a hysterical collapse he became something else and broke down our hole appartment he took off his clothes and started to scream nonsense opened the door ran through the hallway and jumped the 3rd floor window i thought it was over but fortunately he fell into the 2nd floor roof and only suffered a few bruises hes ok now as good as possible but i find myself in a complicated situation i am clinically depressed and bipolar and we both had attempted to suicide before hes unemployed since february and very unhappy in college at this point i dont now what to say to him we live alone here in brasil and there is no hope for us here were trying to move to europe but everythings so hard for him since his father died he has no strength to move on and even doing everything that i can i am unable to keep him up for long were in psychiatric treatment but even so it hasnt been enoughsoi amhere to ask you guys if you have any idea about what to do for now one what habits can we adopt to get through it thank you l,1
am so lonely i feel like i have no one i shouldnt feel that way though yes i may have broken up with my fiance about a month agobut it was for good reason he began getting abusive again i stood up for myself the first time i had promised him when he got back together with me that if he had ever laid a hand on me again id leave he did good for nine months and we just so happened to drink for the first time and it all went to complete shit i should feel happy for sticking up for myself i should feel happy for admitting that i deserve better but what if i dont deserve better what if hes right that he really will be the person who loved me the most and i amjust going to be alone for the rest of my life he was the only person who i liked that actually liked me back for once ive always gotten rejected or used for sex and justmaybe thats alli amgood fori am so fucking disgustingi amweaki amjust a fucking stupid crazy fat ugly bitch whos never going to fucking go anywhere in lifei am going to die alone everyone says oh youre going places youre going to change lives youre gonna be this youre gonna be that i can feel it i knowi am not though i just think the world hates me and thats why my 10 attempts havent worked or maybei ameven stupider than i think and i am too stupid to kill myself who knows i dunno man i just wanna stay high i wanna talk to someone though i dont like being alone i miss taking care of someone it made me feel worth iti amjust so down i have been attempt free since april 26th 2016 selfharm free since january 19th 2017i dont wanna mess up againfuck,1
completely pointless tomorrowi am going to jump off the new river gorge bridge in west virginia life is completely pointless i realized this 4 years ago in 9th grade science class when i was finally freed from my brainwashing very religious mother and the private christian school i went to for the rest of my life the difference between my actual intelligence and my social intelligence nonverbal iq is over 30 iq points i never had any friends and everyone whos known me has always talked to me in the same condescending way you talk to your friends eight year old son my family doesnt give a shit about me my dad used to relieve his anger on me and my sister after work when we were young it didnt usually get physical because i would timidly accept his rage and make myself feel visibly ashamed my mom cried because she felt threatened by his abuse not because we were damaged by it my sister wasis completely narcissistic and took a sadistic joy in hurting me whenever she could and if i ever fought back or if our parents overheard us bickering it would usually come back to me the dynamic changed completely a couple years ago when my family realized i was suicidal my mom actually got emotional because of me and my dad stopped being an asshole my sisters still sociopathicnarcissistic my parents are worried about the social repercussions my death would have on themduring that time i missed most of my highschool though i got my ged despite demonstrating an aptitude for academia in the top 1 of the average senior class via ged benchmarksimulated comparison i still have the communication skills of a five year old and i know i will never be able to harness my potential which isnt even that great in the grand scheme of things when you consider the billions of people alive not that it matters anyways i guessi am somewhat thankful for the trauma i endured at home and school otherwise i may have never been deadened to the point of being self aware theres no point to life time is endless and our years are limited societies rise and fall for no ultimate reason and humanity is progressing towards nothing our perception is only an i willusion of the chemical reactions that grant it and i cant stand the agony of knowing the pointless of my own existence i have no friends only my parents will be directly impacted by my absence and why should i care about them when theyre the reason my life has been so miserable the notion that you get to decide whether other people live or die is completely selfish anyways i know people often say that suicide is a selfish act but the reality is that imposing an unbearably miserable life on someone else for your own satisfaction is selfishill always be an outcast to society and theres no point in contributing when i only get scorn in return but really none of what i said matters anyways tldr life is pointless and so is this post tomorrowi am going to kill myself good night ,1
am too much of a pussy to actually do it no you are too strong and believe in hope to actually isolate yourself and so it,1
am not exactly suicidal but i probably will be if i dont seek help soon what type of person should i talk to some details about me inside i will try to be quicklate 20s short guy 55 was fat whole life until recently got in shapewas raised extremely religious jewish completely left faith but havent told parents yetnever had a girlfriend before ever because of weight and religious barriers cant even start to talk to girls like a normal person because of so many years without interaction i dont even know if i can marry a jewish girl and fake being jewish soi amfucked both wayshave a worthless business degree but now back in school to go for my dream of being a surgeonrecently got menieres disease which has completely disrupted my life and taken away my freedom and joy its a disease that causes frequent and long bouts of vertigo without rhyme or reason no cure i would never wish this on my worst enemy also have a rare skin cancer that is being treated but will have to deal with lifelong repercussions and side effects trying to get into medical school but these medical issues are just destroying my physical and mental health i cant get a good study schedule going because of the medical problems my dream is dying i rapidly got into a depression and really am starting to consider suicide in the near future my life is pretty much going downhill,1
amending myself in the basement when my parents go to sleep tonight i just cant take my parents anymore ive been depressed for 5 years due to being heavily abused by another family and my parents just dont take me seriously i think ive done everything in the book to try to get them to notice and talk to me but instead they laugh and say i bitch too muchive also tried to take matters into my own hands and walk 3 miles to the local mental health facility to find out their doors were locked and no one willing to let me in i know the facility doesnt have rave reviews but seriously so much for proclaimed 247 righti dont have any friends irl or online dropped out of high school so i cant talk to anyone there and of course my family doesnt want to jack shiti have everything ready and my parents are in the living room watching a movie ive fed my cats one last time and i thinki amready to go,1
is it normal to be envious of someone who just committed suicide i dont thinki amyour typical depressed person or maybe i am and just dont realize it ive been very depressed since i was about 16i amnow 25 i dont have the support system i wish i did and i dont have the money for a therapist i drink smoke weed and take prescription pills to copei dont buy these things my boyfriend does and i just take them becausei amthe worst person on the planet so i guess i will start with the reasons i thinki am so depressed when i was 16 i had what i thought was the perfect life with the perfect parents until the day my dad left my mom it was totally unwarranted i even remember me and my sisters laughing at him because we thought it was a joke not a joke fast forward to now i found out he had been cheating on my mom for 6 years my mom knew nothing my parents friends decided to leave her in the dark till after the divorce was final being sixteen and going through that was hell for me i remember trying to cut myself but i was too scared to cut too deep all i ended up with were little cat scratches on my wrist real edgy anyways so ive also been in love with someone for eh 9 years the problem being this person lives in a different country he had no intention of moving to the statescant say i blame him and to be honest if i were to move there i dont think he would want a relationship with me even though we talk frequently he tells me loves me from time to time but thats easy to say when you know youll never actually have to deal with the consequences of telling someone that so just about every yeartwo years i skip from relationship to relationship i think so i dont get attached i dk but its really hard on me mentally and its even harder because i dont truly understand why i do itokay so fast forward to last december i found out i was pregnant it was a weird feeling i was so overjoyed i think because i thought it would give me purpose i had just started a new job and didnt want to tell them immediately so i hid it from them it was hard to schedule the necessary appointments that way though one morning i woke up at 3am with horrible cramps i didnt fall back asleep i was getting up and around for work at 6 and i was spotting so i called into work i told them i thought it was an ovarian cyst when i got to the hospital everyone was really nicei think they already knew what was going on fast forward to getting an ultra sound and sitting there waiting 5 hours i found out that the fetus inside me was dead who knows how long i had been carrying that thing inside of me dead they gave me my options and i told them i would think about them make a few calls to my insurance provider and let them know tomorrow they sent me on my way at 6pm that night i had a miscarriage in my bed it was the most painful thing i have ever experienced nowi ampretty traumatized i mentally cant have sex anymore and its been putting a huge strain on my relationshipso i bought a gun my boyfriend thinks its because i want to practice shooting the real reason i bought it was because i figured that would be the easiest way for me to kill myself the problem isi am not afraid of death i could put a gun to my head and pull the trigger right now the other problem is that i am an empath and i know killing myself would hurt a lot of people its not their fault they dont understand how much paini am in ive tried to explain but they just tell me in sad and it will pass or maybe i should get some help well its really fucking difficult to get help wheni ambarely paying my car payment car insurance phone bill and rent plus gas for the hour to and from work ride i have mf so i guess i should explain how my title is involved a few days ago i found out someone i graduated high school with committed suicide my family has known his family forever but we werent ever really friends i found myself crying all day long over this person i was never friends with i realized i was crying because i was envious i wanted the courage he had to go through with it i really dont want to be here anymore but i dont know how to turn my conscience off to go though with iti dont know what to do anymore all i think about is killing myself i want it so bad i dont know if i will ever have the balls to do it or not but thanks for reading anyways and if anyone has any advice or anything to share id love to hear it,1
am not a person as long as i can remember ive felt less valuable than other people i mean i work hardi amgood to people and extremely apathetici amalways aware that my actions affect other people and do my best to keep that influence a positive one it has never made any difference since childhood ive never one a popularity contest ive rarely been singularly invited to things by non relatives i didnt start dating til college and i always get discarded and permanently ignored by the girl and all our mutual friendsi am so alone and worthless and i dont see any reason why i shouldnt just drink this gallon of bleach and call it quits no one has ever loved me and they never will even when i think they are they wont be i dont want to live in a world like that,1
why doesnt anyone help me why do they let me rot,1
thinking of ending it but not doing it thinking of ending it but not doing it not cause i have reason to livei amjust shit scared of doing it no matter what i do every yeari amgetting closer to the day when i would be done with this life i wish something happened naturally to end my life no pain or suffering,1
contemplating more and more everyday know i need help but don t have anyone to talk to senior year has just started i spent the summer completely alone because my friends that i ve had my whole life have grown up to be bullies and druggiesalcoholics i perceive myself as someone who is better than that so i pushes them away but this summer was too hard so i made amends some days are better than others but sometimes they can all be such dicks i know you re thinking just make new friends but really i don t know how and it s senior year i m not going to be seeing anymore of these people soon anyway not wanting the friends i have really fucks me up upstairsi ve grown up a larger kid but since i started drinking with my friends almost a year ago now i ve been gaining weight much more rapidly i can only get into the mindset every once in a while but i loose motivation quickly i m 260 now and over the summer i ve grown stretch marks i feel absolutely disgusting and even than doesn t want me to lose it i try as much as i can to be healthy but i always forget and as i m chowin down i remember and say fuck it not looking healthy as i should i believe has always kept me from a girlfriend i ve had a few flings i guess but after the girl decides it s over every time i realize she was just using me for a tool wether it s money or someone to get affection from i strongly feel that everyone around me or knows me feels like they can use me as a tool but i would prefer to help someone get something they need rather than stand up for myself i ve been told i m a very nice person almost too nice and i see it but like i said i would rather make someone else s day even if it fucks me over in the end that s why i also think my 4 flings haven t ended up in a relationship or anything past 2nd base i think loneliness fucks me up too the final thing i will list is my homefamily situation parents divorced at 4 it was agreed that each parent would get 5050 we switched houses every two days i think that having two homes alone can fuck you up but switching every two days fuck that i have a sister who s two years younger and we did it together we always liked our mom more she was loveable and provided a much more fun laid back living situation but she was stern when she needed to be my dad was more strict but fun in the early years my dad has anger issues and is an alcoholic and likes to yell especially when he s upset but we grew up with it my dad got remarried in 2013 and i disliked her but was afraid to tell him as that is mean to saybacklash from that statement but now all she does is order us around tries to control everything including my mom and is generally bitchy even my dad thinks so it s gotten to the point where i don t talk to her and my dad is too much of an asshole to me and my sister that i can stand so over the summer i stayed with just my mom my dad didn t care because my mom is closer in town and my mom couldn t pay for it she filed a thing to take a look at the child support payment which has been the same since the divorce this friday it was my dads weekend but i didn t want to go out there because i m tired of it so i ignored them until about noon when my dad called my mom and told her to tell me to talk to them i didn t eventually my stepmom blew up at my mom which wasn t right she has nothing to do with this situation i finally told my mom that i want to live with her full time after that my dad showed up and we had a long conversation about it all i felt like shit because we were all fighting and we shouldn t have to in the first place and i wouldn t want my son to do what i did to him he was mad about my mom wanting money and seems like that was the only reason he wanted me to stay out there with him he didn t confirm that i could stay with her but he didn t say no long story long i really hate myself about the whole situation and it s sad among other things i bottle my emotions up and can t handle my stress i m over apologetic i ve had a literal headache since 2015i amonly mediocre at things in life and feel i m getting more dumb everyday i get made fun of by almost everyone and most days i feel like no one actually cares i have reached out to others about this but they literally don t care i don t wanna live past graduation don t know what i would do i ve been thinking of a way i want to do it and just haven t decided i don t know what to do and i had no one to talk to sorry this is all over the place i was trying to think of everything and this definitely isn t everything just the most important to me,1
i wanna die i just want myself to die because i have nothing to offer to the worldi am a complete waste young boy who cant even study properly and i am a dropout from schooli just wanna die,1
not desperate enough to live not desperate enough to die why am i not _____ enoughnot desperate enough to livenot sick enoughnot poor enoughget a lifegrow a pairget a gripget some helpnot desperate enough to die ,1
tired as hell fuck i posted here almost a month ago and i amembarrassed thati amback here again feeling even worse than last time but i pretty much dont have anyone anymoremy life is so fucking messy and i really dont think anythings getting better i tried killing myself last night and i am trying again tonight i have literally no reason to live anymore and i dont know why i cant justdo iti amsurrounded by my closest friends but i cant even talk to them about it cause they dont care my best friend has been ignoring me and he was my only reason to live until i realized he doesnt carei have so many reasons to end my life and no reason to stay i probably just might kill myself hours after making this post i dont even know anymore,1
why cant i just let go what is it about existence that is so important if every day is so painful and theres no way to change that why cant i just opt out what is it about giving up that is so awful you cant even say the word suicide without feeling that stigma in the airwhy is it that i want to help every other suicidal person i see and beg them to live but i cant apply the same philosophy to myselfwhy cant i justnot be here whats so bad about it,1
i went on vacation to escape problems and got worse ones i flew out of state to visit my best friend and check on her well being i figured it would also be a good time to work things out with my ex girlfriend finally and naturally i wanted to spend some time with my family i just wanted to take a break from my already horrible life and so i flew out here long story short my mother and my best friend end up fighting through me my best friend has to leave me in the middle of the night we havent been able to spend as much time together my mother is upset thati am still her friend because she thinksi am too naive and trusting and my ex just cut me off completely and is frustrated with me because shes 4 hours away and i cant see her and she feels like we can be friends because of our feelings for each other to be honesti am not thinking straight i feel like i lost so much in 2 days i wanna run to the end of a bottle of bourbon and stare into the ceiling and i tried i woke up and everything was amplified i have never felt closer to the edge than ever before i look in the mirror and cant recognize my reflection soi amstaring at the ceiling listening to me my best friends sleeping radio station shot of bourbon in my system i need a friendi amscared and sad,1
i think ive had my breaking point ive always thought about suicide and thought about how easy it would be to just not exist and when i thought about it it always makes me so scared and emotional but nowi amat peace and i amcalm i think its becausei amready i think i may actually have to courage now to go through with it i guess i just kept hoping that eventually i would make friends and people would care about me but i ama shitty person and people dont like me or care about me i try to hard to make friends but i cant get anyone to stay because of how annoying i am i guess my own boyfriend i cant confide in because when i do he doesnt want to deal with my pity party and that i get annoying when i hate on myself if i cant confide in my own boyfriend my one friend who can i not to mention hes been cheating on me flirting with this other girl sending nudes telling her how much he wants her makes me feel pretty worthless and unimportant and i already felt that way to starti feel alone the most alone i ever felt even in high school when i was bullied i had friends and now nothing writing this is cathartic but i think its mostly because i think i will skip the who goodbyes and suicide note thing the last thing i need is to be baker acted i just want it donei amstuck at the hospital i work at in florida because of the hurricane so idk how i can go through with it i just wish that i had been good enough for someone anyone ,1
i will do it last time was as close as possible to jump but this time i wont reach out to someone who isnt there this time i wont be held back by knowing that theyd feel guilty this time i will just do it ive seen before how people react and i know that they can stand it before tomorrow morning i will be gone,1
i know no one will probably read this but i made a post on rdepression saying id kill myself tonightstill thinking of tying the noose but not there yet still theres no one i can callall my friends have helped mei have unread messages on facebook people who havent spoken to me in a while asking me ifi amokaynot going to reply because i dont want to lie abusive mother after me and i dont know what to dodont want to get better not after trying so many years and failingall i have is regret so i wish i had the courage to go but its probably not going to be tonight all i can say is theres a lot of valium in my room and i amthinking of doing it in my sleep i just want it to be painless thats the only way i can think to go ,1
how do i help hey guysi amjust wondering how can i help a friend after multiple attempts at suicide a friend of mine nearly succeeded thankfully by the grace of whatever you believe in he survived but is in the hospital in critical condition with a long road of surgeries rehabilitation and recovery ahead of him ive know this guy about 13 years but after him moving countries then back again we havent been super close just occasionally hanging out his depression is well known along with his alcoholism and has still denied he had a problem when ive tried to reach out to him without going into details of what happened i do think he may still want to live and id like to do my best to help him in anyway i can please if anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated thanks,1
military instead of suicide has anyone ever thought of this or have gone into the military instead of choosing suicide i dont agree with war or much of why we go into it but i know its not going anywhere just wondering if anyone has done this or thought of it because i see it as a reasonable choice,1
people who say talk to somebody dont understand most of us think we cant or dont have somebody to begin with title,1
its morning i just wanted to rant for a momenti want really badly to be more suicidal than i am i feel very overwhelmed in the sense that i feel this badlydont feel like i have anyone to talk to to the point where i would post here but i still dont think i have merited it i dont feel like i deserve an outlet social media isnt fun for me anymore because its just anxiety inducing i dont talk to my friends friends i have never bothered to hang out with because i am afraid i am never comfortablei am not comfortable outside my house but when you get down to it how much potential do i have to feel secure if i am scared and overwhelmed lying in bed with mcdonalds hashbrowns en routei feel disgusting its been a kind of crescendoing feeling that now feels like a shrieking sadness i despise even the way i articulate and speak and write because it feels wrong either in the sense that it feels disingenuous or that its too raw too eager in a cringey pathetic kind of way i havent made any progress in therapy but its my fault i dont have anyone to talk to about being depressed or anxious because its so steeped in self loathing and suicidal thoughts and that scares my parents it makes people angry because they dont understand how i could hate myself but its so deeply ingrained in everything i doi am not good enoughi am too muchi ampathetic and avoiding i am not the adult i should benot the person i should be i hate feeling revolting but more than that i hate the way this repels people i cant validate myself but complementsreassurance from others means nothing to mei am too anxious to call my therapisti amtempted to email but i am so disgusted with myself for being weak and patheticbeing depressed i can talk about anxiety is hard because its harder to pin down why i feel the way i do self loathing is just a no go for me because its like a knife people dont understandsorry for being morose i feel like when i let things boil over venting does more harm than good i think its just becausei am tiredi amhaving a moment but i will be fine i think i hope you all have a nice day,1
family troubles hi i am a young man being 17 and almost 18 who still lives with his parents ive never not had what i want from them and they have always been generous in giving me things but i have always been at their beck and call since before i could remember their strictness has been in my social life in that i would get invited to events by my friends and be restricted to go nearly every time but yet when i confront them i get the average answer of if you had just asked or i would have let you go if you were more polite in asking to the point i have started to think i am a naturally mean and despicable person soon after the start of high school i became an extremely introverted person not speaking often and usually only to people i was comfortable with my true feeling no one but my best friend has ever had empathy for me in this kind of situation i am constantly blamed for things i am presumed to do at home even when setting down a box i will be accused of slamming it to the ground if there is a broken piece in the box i will be punished even if i had not broken it the struck policy of my grades also put a sense of not being up to par also for college my parents laid out colleges that i would and would not be allowed to go to money is not a factor in this since they are quite well off ive never had any sense of choice in my life rather i feel like ive only ever been constantly ordered around and directed thats came to a boiling point today through my troubles ive always been given one way out and thats been through my connections on the internet and being able to talk to people who i believe genuinely find me interesting and accept me no matter my flaws laugh with me and feel excitement with me yet no more than 45 minutes ago this was also snatched from me i was accused of becoming a reckless and violent person to their belongings inside this home having bought my entire computer and hard ware with money ive alone earned from working when ever i have time i watched as it was take away from me due to the fact that if its in their house they own it and that includes me my one escape was taken from me ive never felt truly loved by them and seen as some sort of item to show off like a medal since bit was expected i take any class that puts me above people be if i wanted to or not as well if i thought i could pass it or not if i did not comply i would receive punishment i feel like an object and over time all objects breakdown to dust i cant tell ifi ama spoiled brat thats just venting their frustrations to people with even worse problems if i could be considered to have problems yet when i lost my last social freedom i cant handle it i ask of 2 things 1 after my words am i just a spoiled brat talking about first world problems to people with actual problems or am i being put down againstand 2 how do i fix my self thank you for reading this even with out any notification as to if you did i will be happy to know some one was interested in my story its all over the place but please bear with it,1
sensations in wrist its like my body is telling me to end it,1
no hope at all all i want to do right now is jump out of a window its the only way i can end my misery i feel like no one is there to talk to me in my dorm hall i knocked on some friends doors and they werent there i texted one friend asking her if she wanted to go to dinner with me and she never responded my college has no open parties and i never get invited to any no one texts me asking me if i want to talk or hang out i cry all the time because no one wants me and whenever i cry i make sure nobody hears me not because i fear i will get attention but because i fear no one will care i cut myself in the shower a few days ago what gets me even more than the people who never talk to me are the ones that reach out to me once then disappear like that one friend i texted in the year and a half ive been diagnosed with depression i tried everything i was hospitalized three times went to counseling once a week and took three different kinds of antidepressant meds plus two mood stabilizers nothing ever worked the only way i can ever feel better is to be accepted like everybody else or die and i amsure the former will never happen i was told that a death on campus would affect the entire community yeah fucking right if i get ignored in life why would i not get ignored in death,1
i have a plan its not soon unless you consider next year soon a plan to end my life because i dont really see a point anymore ive peaked at the ripe age of 19 and i know nothing else will come of my lifei amhorribly lonely and it cant be solved and i know i will only proceed to get more and more lonely i dont want to continue struggling with not being able to sleep with crying day in and day out with feeling trapped in my own head next year after ive secretly made my peace with the few people i actually care about i will kill myself without allowing anyone to stand in my way its for the best if not for the people around me at least it is for me ,1
close to the edge two weeks ago i was so close to killing myself i had the razor go my wrist and nowi amthinking how surreal it would be for me to not be here my mom would be alone and heartbroken my sister would get extremely depressed etc but i cant shake the feeling i need to die i go to sleep with death on my mind and wake up the same way my will to live is getting chopped at slowly to the point small things set me off hopefully i can distract myself with 8 hours of mind numbing nonsense 2 hours of solving rubiks cubes and self loathing and two hours of animeonly pleasures i have in lifei amafraid they wont be there for much longeralso if anyone here had massive amounts of disposable income can you send me 500 dollars for a nintendo switch thank,1
as someone who just got sucked into the sucuide spirale i recall myself telling others every story is worth being told also yours this also goes for youmyself this one sentence is like the wayfinder in my life i used it to motivate my friends to make them feel safe to bring up an atmosphere where they can talk about themselves and noone will judge themi had really dark thinking and was about to do it i cried the whole day and got scared and then this sentence crossed my mind and my old self told that to my present self it helpedand whoever is searching for help remember your story is worth being told every islove deceptive,1
i feel so losti am in my second year of college doing stuff that i absolutely hate my life seems like its spiraling out of control i dont want to be here but i dont know where i do want to bei am not good at anything and everyone i talk to about leave my college basically says i have to be here by default i dont want to kill myself i have things i want to do in life but it never feels like i will be able to do any of them becausei am not good enough it seems like the simplest thing to do would just be putting a shotgun in my mouth and ending everything i feel so trapped and lost and alone i never wanted to go to college i wanted to join the army but i cant becausei am4f medically deferred ,1
what is the best way to kill yourself without upsetting othersi amthinking just telling people your going travelling to some far off place and not sure when you will be able to contact them then go to like south africa and go and fuck about in the jungle could be billed as a tragic accident thoughts tips pointers,1
i drank until i lost consciousness last night with no intention of waking up i was just so desolate and miserable last night i continuously drank straight kraken on a whim until i couldnt stay up just hoping i wouldnt see todayi am going through a lot of shit shit thats been plaguing me most of my adult life the people that raised me are all dead or moved away friendships are fleeting and a relationship is impossible the love of my life doesnt love me back and no one else compares ive been severely depressed for nearly 20 years and i have no motivation to help myself i started selfharming recently and that helps my mind some but doesnt do my body any favorsi had a bad day thursday and when i have a bad day it takes me about a week to get over it it gets worse before it gets better and like a wound the danger ends up being the infection over the wound itself i remember waking up on my keyboard and at some point i moved to the living room while waiting for a text from the girl mentioned before and didnt wake up until morning i dont drink a lot normally so that without any food made my tolerance pretty lowi am not really sure whyi amputting this here i dont expect help nor do i want advice i had a stupid moment and just wanted to share i guess its easy for me to accept death these days because i look at it like i could die now or i could die later the only difference is age thats how it will end no matter what and i amonly getting older every day,1
i just want to be euthanizedi amtrans the world is flooded and burning at the same time the government is actively trying to make our lives impossible and i have severe dysphoria about my body that i cant fixi am too depressed to move the people around me are just irritated by my suffering i wish someone could make me comfortable and help me die in my sleep,1
why is my reflection so painful sometimes i refuse to look in the mirror for days because i hate what i see its not that i just hate my body which i do though its just thati cant look at what i think i am no one wants to hire me ive never been in a relationship because i never thinki amgood enough i dont have anything to offer the world and i amjust a skinny little white boy who cant show his feelings to the world or else he looks like a pussy i can never text or talk to people because i always think theyre seeing me in a negative light because of what i said or did i have friends but i never feel likei ama part of any groupi ama senior in college and am afraid of everything after i graduate whether i will be alone for the rest of my life and have no friends or love these are only some of the thoughts that come into my head when i look at that reflection its too painful to look and i amafraid of that one thought that keeps hiding in the corner waiting to come out it sometimes jumps out and scares but then goes back after a few hours and i can breathe a sigh of relief it still doesnt go away thoughi amterrified of what could happen if it decides to latch on then again life is too painful and i hate my own reflection,1
my boyfriend shot himself after 9 months of ups and downs my boyfriend shot himself i had no social media i didnt talk to no one and i quit my job for him and my 8 year old daughter had no contact with her dad just so we could be happy and so we could form that family that my daughter and me always wanted he had face book instagram whatsapp his friends his job where females work too and he also had contact with his ex for the fact they have a little girl together and i didnt mine cause i trusted him but he didnt trust me at all and his family members and his girlfriend talked trash about me and he believed them soon i came pregnant with my second child it was the happiest day for me cause i thought we gonna be good his going to change but it didnt happen his trust issues where always their i didnt now what else to do to make him happy or to be ok with him i try everything i could but nothing work he didnt trust me at all on april of this year he punch me in the face for not having facebook thats crazy right and it wasnt the first time he had hit me and everyone thinksi amstupid for loving someone like him well after that day we argue most of the time and it was all the time cause of his trust issues he thought that i could cheat on him with every guy that past by or that every guy wanted with me he had no trust in any guy i felt like shit i mean id try everything to have a good relationship with him but nothing work i even told him that he shouldnt blame me for the life he had with his exs that i was nothing like them and he reply all girls are the same no one is faithful no more well on may he left to his moms house cause it was impossible being ok with him we agree in getting back together after the baby was born we decided the best for the baby but we still argue trough text all because his ex girlfriend didnt like and she talked so much trash about me and he believed everything she said i told him if he believed everything they talked about me that i would leave him alone that all i wanted was for him to be happy it didnt matter with who but i just wanted his happiness in july 24 after being all weekend together and being happy planing in getting marry in having 3 more kids after the baby was born and after he buying our babys car seat he shot himselfi am not sure why he did it he texted me but i ignore that message he on that day he hit me and broke my nose he left me bleeding and all because of his trust issues so i ignore that message he send then 30 min later his sister called they were looking for him they where worry after i told them what happen they started calling him i saw the message he send me and it saidi amsaying goodbye foreveri am sorry for being the worst for not trusting youi amleaving this miserable world loving you now take care i texted him back told him to not do something stupid out of anger but no reply i started calling him but no answer then i got another message it was a picture of the gun he said let my baby know thati am sorry for leaving him alone that i will be watching over him from where ever i find myself i just dont want no one to cry for me and thats it i came to remember when i gave you your first kiss take care and bye to this miserable world i called him many times i grab my moms keys and drove to that place but i didnt found him i was like thank god his ok when i was heading back home i spotted his car so i headed back and park behind him when i open his door he had the gun in his lap ot seem like if he was sleeping when i moved him he had already shot himself in the head i told him what have you done my love i called 911 but they told me that when i got to him it was already late that they were sorry my lost i felt like dying i couldnt stop crying i just wanted to die with him and right now the only thing that is holding me from not doing something stupid is my unborn baby i dont know whats going to happen with me after my babys is born honestly i just feel like dying ,1
amfeeling i will and its getting worse for each day hi i guess i dont know how to do this i posted in depression but maybe i shouldve posted hereive been depressed for nearly 6 years now and you know it has been worse suicidal and slightly better there was a time for a couple months i thought that maybe life was worth living but it came crashing down again and i cant realy blame myself i wasnt worth enough to have such feelings i dont think i ever wasso i guess when reflecting and talking to my sister we had a pretty sad childhood and got lots of problems still lingering from it and one of my firends when we were out at a pub hes been my friend for like 12 years now he said about my father i can understand why he remaried with someone with children cause he knew hed fucked up with you and wanted to trystart over again and i guess that is true cause all he did was to put my sister and i infront of the tv or computer though my mother wasnt that good either she put me infront of a book good made me scary litterate as a kid but she always had a bad temper like a hellish scream i never heard before and shes very controlling so that wasnt that great either both had to work alot to get things going for them so i guess i didnt really spend that much quality time with my family so i waited for my time to leave and then moved out and today i try to never visit home because i always feel bad wheni amthereand i have been kinda suicidal lately i remember someone asked me if i was ok and only slept bad i kinda then proceeded to do as i always do and push those asking away i dont want to and actually would like to talk with that person about how i feel but i think its not right i think i will try and talk with her about something but i dont know how to askhow should i bring it up that i want to talk about something should i do that wont they be bothered and worried which is worse than not knowing worse than to be surprised than me taking my life and not knowing or believing that they could or would do anything is it right to burden others with the weight of your thoughts especially since you meet them and word could spreadi wish i could cry in front of someone and be hugged i wish i could talk to my friend and tell her how i feel and that i need someone to talk to but i am not quite sure she could take it or help me is it ok to talk to someone is it ok to share what i feel like looking for some sort of comfort can i find comfort in this by talking or will i just ruin everything and risk having her never talk to me again can i risk talking to anyone about this is it right of me to press something on someone is it right to ever make someone possibly feel what i am feeling and my suicidal thoughts,1
i feel likei amlosing emotion and i dont know why i dont thinki am going to commit suicide or anything but after reading a lot and watching this sub for almost a year on a diff acc i figured this was the best place to ask this question in fact ive been meaning to post something for a while i became 23 today and ive realized that ive accomplished very little in my lifei amunemployed atm trying to get a city job but waiting for a calli amsingle and have been a long time and i still havent had my first timei amprobably a selfish brat because i feel likei amlucky to be where i am after reading how hard people have it here i probably dont deserve to ask this question or feel the way i feel but i needed to ask someone this anyone but people i know compared to people in my lifei amvery unsuccessful i dont think i will go far and i will always be below everyone else i was mocked and teased a lot by people i called close friends since highschool and even by my ex love interest who i dated for 5 years total they told me id go nowhere not go places compared to them i feel like no matter what happensi ambelow them and that the life i will live will be unhappy in fact i already feel likei am not even what i used to be my dog died earlier this year i had him for his entire 13 year life and i wasnt sad at his death i felt nothing whenever i see my friends a lot of the time i forget about my shitty position for maybe an hour but then thoughts of my mediocrity sets back in i dont recall the last time i was genuinly happy wheneveri amalone i just think about what a weight off my chest death would be but then i think about how said my friendsfamily might be i happen to be a pretty good actor so i dont ever let me family or my friends see how i truly am or feel they could never know i cant let anyone know i have a problem i dont want them to worry about me the thoughts of suicide based on the fear of my shitty future and loveless life have lingered me for maybe the last 6 years but i could never do it i have some people who really care about me and to think of such a thing i feel is much too selfish but i want to be happy like i used to be what do i do to feel something again thank you all for any advice,1
dead in life why cant i just scape from my reality just take one more they said the pills are not making any effect youre just extremely happy i wish you could see my heart because behind my smile there is just a deep pain how can i heal my pain no one cant seei amjust dead alive can you bury me alive so i will rest forever can you hear my thoughts can you even see me can you even feel mei amjust another person another particle what if i die today would you even notice it i am just an irrelevant being in world that is bigger than my strength why am i so alone what is the sense of being in a world when youre just insignificant for everyone else how can i break the bars around your heart why cant you see me why cant you love me i just cant leave you will you see me die why cant you help me when i scream where were you when i needed you the most i am so alone just help me to die i am invisible for everyonei am so empty inside i cant even feel my own pain would you care ,1
yall ever have selfhatred days not feeding yourself not bathing yourself not doing anything at all i like to abuse substances mainly alcohol and weed but really anything i can get my hands on just get messed up and hate myself for the day,1
its creeping closer before my suicide attempts in the past i would feel a sort of physical cold emptiness or numbness these would last for weeks maybe but thats when i knew i would end up trying again and i am feeling this again everything is dismal and my future is very bleak and unhappy i feel mental torture daily and i cannot escape my trauma makes things worse and i get set off by the simplest of things slightly associated with it as simple as the word i feel like i am screaming inside of my head i fantasize about pain and wounds that would kill me i know i will probably attempt suicide and hopefully die in the upcoming weeks,1
i feel empty and blinded by my past long post helloi ama junior in high school who has social problems so i suffer from severe shynessand social anxiety due to me being introverted even when i get picked on also in class and i still talk my body still feels so shaky and i fucked up in piano class i was trying to play rock along my hands were full of sweat yesterday and it was noticeable that my voice was shaking anytime i raise my hand my heart beats so when the teacher isnt looking i put it downi am too shy to ask for help and embarrassed by this same for my math class my mom was right if you have questions then ask the teacher and dont come home clueless about the math hw i suffer from a bad past i got bullied in middle school and 5th and 6th grade for having dandruff in middle school i told through counselor and she just gave the bully what you may ask was the consequence only 2 lunch detentions and ironically that counselor was bullying me about my name if you have bad gradesi am going to call your parents then i told her that it was not right embarrassing me in front of my friends she started crying and sayingi amsry i gave her a 2nd chance and she refused to change my classes and said go talk to the principal i literally even avoided to swear at her and that was attempting i hope i never run into that bad counselor ms dukes ever againi am so glad i left that school to high school that bullying is not much a problem to me compared to in middle school also my 8th grade english teacher humiliated me and saying that you have an f in my class gotta fix that f i mean i understand that i have a bad grade but doesnt mean you can freaking embarrass me in front of the class then i told the principal and he said he was sry the next week he said the n word and then said my name hope this doesnt offend you dont call your parents he laughed like a complete idiot and dont understand why he hasnt been divorced yet someone in 6th grade asked me about this word and then i answered it in the way that it means then he proceeds to say eww gross he spreads the rumor about me in my class and in this program win we have every morning my friends wont sit by me anymore and i literally cried the principal assigned lunch seats and i just sat there quietly and was a loner this boy was bothering me in the lunch line luckily i got him to back off since a teacher was there he almost beat me up in the bathroom but i defended myself and fell but i was okay he ran away like a coward after winter break i started to be cool with them and told them not to believe that kind of stuff i will never miss elementary school and middle school i dont know how to find the scale factor of 2 shapes i cant fucking take it anymore and when i was younger i would always slap myself on the side of my cheeks for being an idiot sometimes i still do i just wanna get these thoughts out of my headim selfish i care what others think of mein 6th grade someone choked me and couldnt almost breathe for a minute was painful i spilled soap on my sisters face becausei ama fucking idiot who does bad stuff and the wrong thing then i couldnt breathe again for a bit i feel like i talk about myself too much and just am stupid sometimes i feel likei am not there at a place and just zone out for some reason why bother to feel live if theres not much hope i keep stressing myself out and procrastinating a lot i always had a thought of torturing myself with a pillow,1
i wish i could die in my sleep i cant stop thinking of dyingsuicide i wake up angry in the morning becausei am still here no one takes me serious becausei ama pussy i cant actually do it which just makes things worse i dont have cancer or any terminal i willness that i know of but i feel completely miserablei amstuck and theres nothing i can do about it i wish i could just get it over with,1
when i was 11 i wanted it to end i remember when i was 11 school was hell i remember not having any friends and feeling so alone all the time i remember sitting up in bed for hours and hours one night talking myself down from stabbing myself in the stomach and just letting it bleedand honestly i dont think i will ever feel more guilty for anything than i feel when i remember that the only reason i didnt do it was because i told myself things like youre better than that and its the cowards way out and i dont know how to say it strongly enough that i am so so sorry for when i believed that to be trueat some point between then and now i actually had friends i was happier than 11 year old me couldve ever expected for once i liked me and it was great i guess but over the last year i lost almost everyone they just stopped wanting to be a part of my life i feel all alone once again and i am so scared of going back to feeling how i used to feel and being who i used to be ive been slipping for months and i dont know if id be able to talk myself out of it honestly i think about death almost every day and as fucked up as it is i cant help but fantasise about being shot or stabbed or something ,1
amcurrently talking to an internet friend who has been searching for pull to kill himself pls help me what do i say to him he is 15 and worried that hes not making a difference to anyone so he should just kill himslef,1
coped for years nearly at breaking point my first post on here i promise youi am not a troll i just need to ventim 20 had severe acne on face and back for years stress on the word severe face is discoloured and has scars back is covered in huge holes and keloidhypertrophic scars left by acne tried so much to heal the scars nothing works no point me even trying to get a girlfriend because when she sees me with my shirt of shell probably vomitbe traumatised leg broke playing rugby in my final school year had to get an operation and was bedridden for months led to weight gain due to no exercise and couldnt study due to discomfortpain i couldnt catch up with the work i missed got terrible grades kicked out of school nowi amunemployed and havnt had a job that lasted more than 5 months in 6 years and i am still living with my parents ive had ocd for all my life and it got worse with more stress and now i cant even sit down for 5 minutes without it rearing its ugly head again and againi ama virgin and i have only a few buddies left that i only see a couple of times a year i tried to stay strong for years but nowi amat the point where i cry most nights and have contemplated ending it all but i cant do it so i just exist day to day waiting until i can sleep so i forget who i am for 8 hours i dont even know what to do anymore thanks for your time,1
i am ready to die ive ruined not only mine but the person who meant the most in the world to mes livesi cant fix this i cant have my only chance at happiness back everi plan on taking as many muscle relaxers as it takes to make my heart stop beating,1
how do i get myself to get out of bed in the morning ive been severely depressed since april i attempted suicide on april 29th i have five college classes to finish work forthey are incomplete classes from a few previous terms i dont have to go to classes i just have papers to write i havent made any progress in may june july august or the days into september i have until november 1st to do the work ive been paralyzed especially in the last month i spend most of the day in bed wheni am not in bedsleeping all i do is stare into space and worry about what a mess my life ishow much i dont want to live i dont have insurance so theres no professional help available or medication i dont get along with my family and dont have any friends so theres no one i can talk toi amcompletely empty i have no desire to live or motivation to work i dont care about doing the work i dont have a sense of obligation to get it done or anything i cant conjure a sense of urgency to do it or create rewards or consequences for myself everything is just awful i dont know what to do to get myself to care about this work or want to live or anything every time i go to sleep i hope i hope i dont wake up ,1
fastest easiest cheapest way to die without jumping just tell me i searched on google but there are so many ways i dont know what to choose and when i ask on reddit they say not the right thread or doesnt answer just i dont want to jump so some poor bastard will have to shovel me up closes place i can drown is 500km away i know my life can improve and i can change myself and never consider suicide but i dont fucking care i am lazy i dont give a shit i am selfish i am an asshole ,1
could someonr remain anynomous with the suicide prevention line i started hinking about this and how its a common thing people try to doi amcurious as to if the united states suicide prevention line would allow you to remain anynomous rather its from the actual line or the online chat,1
shit should i do it we dont know whats out therei am tired as fuck because of all of this but in the end were all gonna die alone i keep bouncing between the everyone will be hurt because of it to the fuck iti ammiserable no one matters existence doesnt matter were just like animals but with extra steps ideology and its killing me animals die everydayi am an animal can i die today where will i go what will become of me will anything in the afterlife be affected by this do any of these people relationship or not matter ive been told dozens of times that if it came down to it and it was me or them theyd save themself so fuck it right fuck the hotlines fuck the medicine fuck school fuck these sociopathic and self destructive tendencies i got from my mom and dadi amready to off myself but i mean shit man i cant help but feel bad about it,1
heavy suicidal ideation have tried once this year through drinking myself stupid but my friends ended up calling the police lied my way out of it and they let me out that night felt like crap for a good week understandably i havent really felt that upset since but my thoughts keep drifting to suicide thinking about pretty graphic scenarios i dont know what to do because every time ive tried to get help everyone makes a big deal out of it and i always feel worsei amstudying to become a high school science teacher which i really want to do but due to my lack of energy just am not doing too well still passing last time i tried medication it worked for a bit but slowly stopped i havent tried another one for above reasons i used to write to help but just dont have the motivation even all my music reminds me of stupid and cringeworthy crap ive done i sweari ampushing my friends away even though they sayi am not i think my family is ashamed of me i just dont know what to do and my thoughts keep drifting,1
i just wanna disappear i just moved into my own place in a new town far away from my family and former friends i barely know anybody here and i cant stop thinking about how easy it would be to just disappear i could just end it all and i would never have to feel like this again nobody would ever have to worry about me again all the pain and confusion would be over not just for me but for everyone i know there would finally be peaceitd be so easy to just end it and staying alive seems so very hard right now i dont know what to doi am sorry for not making much sense ,1
i hate my life and wish i wasnt me very long post i recently turned 28 and really feel suicidal for a ton of reasons i didnt have the worst life out there lots of people have much worse lives then me but i honestly feel so deeply depressed about how my life has turned out my mother died last year we had a very difficult relationship my dad went missing a few weeks before my 6th birthday my last memory of him is inviting him to my birthday party and turned up around my birthday in a river we still have no idea what happened to him if it was an accident if he killed himself because of his believed schizophrenic disorders murder who knows my parents already had a bad relationship and werent living together at that point but it changed our lives of course my mother had a ton of mental health problems as well as chronic i willnesses due to having a highly abusive father growing up and a crippling injury and my dads death compounded them not to mention she was raising two children on her own on benefits one of whom was autistic me i was diagnosed with asperger syndrome around this time i love my mom very much but she could be incredibly abusive due to her problems i have memories of her spitting in my face grabbing my hair and shaking my head like a rag doll when she lost control screaming abuse when i knocked over a glass of water i have dyspraxia as well as aspergers which made me very clumsy and struggle with organisation when i was 10 a friend of my mothers went through a psychotic episode and acted like he was going to molest me if someone hadnt come along at that moment i still no idea what might have happened after he started hitting me on the arse and telling me to take my shorts down teenage years were hard as well my mother was very paranoid and i wasnt allowed out the house on my own until i was almost sixteen i had to have an escort walk me to and from school i spent most of primary school and high school being bullied for various reasons and i desperately wanted to make friends yet lacked the social skills to make them often offending people without meaning to and being incredibly defensive so on the rare occasion someone wanted to befriend me i would often be too scared to take them up on it or not realise it it didnt help that mom would often prevent me from doing normal social stuff on the rare occasions i was invited i was also struggling with my sexuality i realised from an early age that i was attracted to boys yet i did my best to suppress this i was already being bullied for being the retard and the special needs kid and was often called faggot and so forth i didnt want to be the weird gay kid as well i didnt want all the bullies who called me faggot to be right so i tried to force myself to be attracted to girls even though i felt nothing towards them it was easier to be in denial then accept i liked boys not girls mom was often quite homophobic she would say some pretty nasty things about gay men and while she had gay friends she found two men having sex to be revolting when she realised i was gay she was quite nasty about it for a while accusing me of prostituting myself for old men she would go through my phone and delete messages from boys i also really hated my body i often thought i was fat or obese but this was because i developed man boobs when i was 12 and was extremely paranoid about them despite actually fluctuating from being very skinny to a modest amount of pudge throughout my life i thought i was obese or extremely fat and ive never taken my shirt off in public as a result even though all i badly wanted to it also made dating extremely difficult on top of everything else it made me absolutely loathe my body it didnt help that i had acne on top of everything else was bullied for my prominent front teeth and my feminine facial features i was often mistaken for a girl i was also born with a small bladder until i was 14 i had to wear diapers to prevent me from wetting the bed and had to have quite a few procedures before medication finally cured me one of which was having metal needles jammed up my urethra when i was six so when i finally cured one problem that led me to be extremely self conscious and miserable another popped up and completely ruined my confidence in my developing body that still hasnt gone away despite constantly struggling with exercise and diet because i was so lonely i turned to binge eating purging and hoarding to make myself feel better i was so controlled in every way that those were the only things i could turn to fill the void created by my loneliness i also hated birthdays a lot of traumatic things happened around them my godfather who was the closest thing i had to a father or indeed any male presence in my life eloped the day before i turned 15 so i had no one to teach me how to shave my fathers side of the family wanted nothing to do with us after dad died and would often try to bully my grandmother into disinheriting me and my sister and my mothers family who i loved very deeply were on the other side of the atlantic so i barely got to see them i did love my only surviving grandmother very deeply and some of my happiest childhood memories are of her she died some years ago and had resisted her daughters attempts to bully her to disinherit me and my sister though my aunts were incredibly hateful over this and did their best to remind me and my sister that they considered us thieves and entitled brats for not giving them their brothers share of my grandmothers estate i miss my grandma so very much she was one of the few people who ever gave me unconditional love and sometimes i play the music box i got her for christmas one year and think of her it was a snow globe with her favourite flowers and bird inside it and i feel so deeply nostalgic when i play it i eventually got into my dream university but because of my severe depression i would just lock myself in my dorm room binge eat and cry having absolutely no idea how to break out of it i was very lonely it ended up feeling more like the bell jar then my dreams finally coming true by the time it was over i came very close to killing myself and spent most of that year in a suicidally depressed state i eventually got to redo my final year and made some wonderful friends who became a surrogate family i was still sexually and romantically frustrated due to my binge eating finally taking its toll and i gained a lot of weight during my depressive episode eventually i graduated and had to move out but i was finally happy in many ways due to finally getting the social life i wanted i finally was getting invited to parties and doing fun things mom had gotten very i will at this time so i spent the year after graduating struggling to sort out my life and look after her at the same time she became more and more emotionally volatile as her mental health was affected by her physical healths rapid decline eventually i took my life savings together and moved out thinking i could look after her better if i had my own space and i was tired of feeling ripped apart by loving her and resenting her for so many things six weeks later i got a call from the hospital saying she had been admitted for the next three months she was in and out of the hospital i hated going there i had put everything on the line to get my own place and fix my life and let go of the past and i kept having to go to a hospital and see my mother decline throw tantrums when she would ask me to bring or buy certain thing for her and then change her mind all the while biting my tongue because i didnt want to lose my temper in a ward full of frail old ladies coughing blood and even though i had really really thought i hated my mother at this point i still loved her and hated to see her suffer so much my mental health had already been dangling by a thread for quite some time eventually we got another call from the hospital and my mother passed that evening from multiple organ failure i remember staring at the heart monitor praying with every fibre of my being for it to keep going holding my mothers hand until the nurse said her heart had stopped and the machine was switched off i said goodbye to my mom and felt deep anguish she was never going to meet her grandchildren something she deeply wanted for all her flaws as a mother she loved children and it would have been so healing to see her as a devoted grandmother i smoked a cigarette outside and spent the next few days crying my heart out things got even worse my mother had not made a will and since the area we lived in the area that had been full of stabbings all my life was now a very gentrified area the house was now worth a lot of money which meant an insane amount of inheritance tax my mother was a very bad hoarder as well so the past year and a half has been struggling to clear out her things and make the huge inheritance tax bill the first of which came six months after her death i eventually had to move out of my place and back into the family home due to the inheritance tax taking all my savings and inheritance and now i guess ive reached my breaking pointi am28 still have man boobs have no money havent had a boyfriend in eight years coming up to nine have never had a job just volunteer work and have missed out on so much of life when i clear out moms stuff and take it to the charity shop the loss hits me so many things are mixed up in there and it reminds me of times when i was either happy or hopeful for the future and it feels so bitter that i cant go back to those times all thats left of my parents are two urns sitting side by side containing their ashes my sister lives overseas so i have no family left in the country i just want to redo my life and not be autistic or gay or have man boobs or have had so many mental and physical health problems or have had more family around me growing up people who could have gotten me away from my mother and taught me to be an adult so i wouldnt have been so emotionally stunted and isolated for most of my life helped me get into shape helped me grow up so i could have had a social life in my teens and twenties maybe even gotten to the point where i could have had a nice boyfriend or two instead of years of sexual and romantic frustration i see my friends still but sometimes its painful because it reminds me of how different my life has been from theirs they had families are in relationships are in careers and have had financial stability growing up some of them are going on holiday and backpacking through exciting places yet me i am absolutely broke from having to pay a huge tax bill every year i dont know i keep slipping into these daydreams were i didnt have so much shit happen to me where i am not autistic where i didnt have such an unstable upbringing where i met a nice boyfriend and didnt have these two things on my chest that absolutely ruined my confidence that wouldnt shift no matter how much exercise i did a guy who i could go on dates with play games with snuggle up to at night and have a satisfying sex life with someone who would take me home to meet his family i wish my parents were still alive and had been a bit more normal i wish i wasnt born with so many things wrong with my body and mind that came together to make me far more isolated and sad then i could bear i wish i had had a big family around me growing up i just wish i had had a bit more stability and normality then all this chaos i dont know i am on the waiting list for grief therapy and i see a counsellor but i feel so deeply sad about how much of life i have missed out on and am still missing out on due to being held back by such a crippling amount of debt i want to kill myself but i know i couldnt do that to my loved ones i dont know why i wrote this venting i guess i keep wishing i could redo my life i wish some pieces had come together better like if i had to be autistic i didnt have to be gay as well if i had to lose my dad i didnt have to lose my mom as well that my mom hadnt had so many things wrong with her because she wasnt a bad person just very damaged physically and mentally that my family in america had been around so they could have given me a bit more of a balanced upbringing that my uncle and aunts had been around to get my mom to back off a bit that my cousins had been the big brothers i needed to be a man teach me to shave take me out helped me work out how to socialise that i had my baby cousins to look after read stories too play games with because i always wanted to be a big brother too and was often sad that i didnt have babies and kids to look after i have two godchildren which has been wonderful but it does make me wistful that i never had any younger siblings growing up that i had known that man boobs could have been fixed with surgery so i knew what it was like to take my shirt off at the beach i wish i could have more experience with dating instead of hooking up with older men as no one my age gave me the time of day i wish i had a nice boyfriend i wish i hadnt had a hormone imbalance that made me loathe my body and made me bundle myself up in clothes to hide it and never take my shirt off i feel selfish for wanting to turn back time as the world doesnt revolve around my happiness i just wish there had been a bit more balance i didnt expect a happy life handed to me on a platter i just wish so many burdens hadnt been given to me that prevented me from having the life i wanted i just wish i could redo my teens and twenties without some of them so things were a bit more bearable and happy and less of a lonely isolating struggle theres a lot more i havent mentioned but i just wish i could wake up and have it be a long time ago before so many things got worse and worse i know its very self indulgent because some people have it so much worse but i just hate myself and i hate being me i just wish things hadnt been such a struggle and i wasnt going through losing my mom and having a colossal financial crisis on top of everything else i guess losing my mom has opened up a lot of old wounds its made me feel wistful for past times and deeply miss my dad and grandma and wish i could have had things be a bit more normal to be a bit more like my peers and be in a bitter place to cope with this loss now i wish it was years ago making my grandma a cup of tea and sitting in the garden with her or playing ocarina of time for the first time that magical moment when a boy kissed me for the first time time passes it feel so strange there was a time when i was a child or a young teen or a twenty year old and i actually had hope that things would get better instead of so much worse it feels sad that i feel nostalgic for those fleeting moments of happiness in a life ive found often so very sad and unbearably lonely i feel like wanting to hit the reset button makes me a bad person its impossible and selfish like the whole world revolves around my happiness i cant help it though if i could make those daydreams of being young and in love and having my family be more normal and alive around and getting to be more social as a teen and twenty something happen i would i know its a lot of whine here but i guess i just wanted to get things off my chest i know i have to a accept the past and that its gone and its written but i just wish things had been less awful i keep thinking if this was how my life was going to be why was i born i didnt ask to be an orphaned gay autistic man child with tits from a poverty stricken unstable background thats never been in love and has been so very very lonely for almost my entire life sometimes i wish id never been born or id killed myself years ago thank you for reading,1
37 years and counting english is not my first language so i apologize in advance for any mistakes i am 37 years old i live in a major city of south america i have an ok job that allows me to live with no financial worries i also have a masters degree and a good reputation among some people in my field but i want to die everydayi guess it all comes from the realization that we are irreparably alone that love is an i willusion that romantic love is an invention so deeply inoculated in our societies that we are all screwed up for goodat least that is the way i rationalized the loss of my ex she is from europe and she lived with me for a year and a half suddenly she didnt want to have sex and started to came late from her meetings with her friends in december 2016 she went to england to her masters graduation and i stayed in my country because i thought she needed space to make the story short i discovered she was cheating on me with an english guy she met at her job in my country and she was traveling through england with himin less than six months she left my country and went to england to live with that guyit is been nine months since we split and i am tired of this thing we call life i cant even think of falling in love again i dont want to kill myself but i just cant make sense of anything anymore the more i read the more i travel the more i listen to music the more i think about killing myselfmy exs infidelity was just the trigger to something ive always had inside me i dont even know why i am sharing this ive read a lot of the posts in here and i dont even feel sympathy for anyone but i feel solidarity with them i truly believe society must provide the human beens like us a painless way to commit suicide without all the censorship and guilty some people want us to feelin the meantime i am 37 year old and waiting to die life is a painfully slow waiting for nothing to happen,1
amno doubt going to kill myself at one point in my life i just cant do it anymore drugs really make me cope i dont like going to the doctors i dont like even talking when i talk someone gets pissed off ever since i was a child i would go long periods of time without talking it just felt overbearing to talk like dirty to me i even hate the quick convos for chatting about buying drugs i just want the guy to set a date and every week at the same time i pick it up without even seeing each other or talking anyways i plan to kill myself at one point in my life and it really just feels like a release just saying it thinking about dying just releases all of this tightness within my cranial cavity and i just feel bliss ,1
i go back and forth about dying and not dying i just went through a really hard breakup my ex and i are communicating which makes things more confusing hes friendly enough but i just would like to know where he stands my job is also slowly killing me i keep reading about how to commit suicide but all the methods i read about are too terrifying for me to try i want something painless but i amalso sort of scared to die as scared as i am of dying though i really am tired of living and have been for a long time i feel like i cant reach out to anyone so thats whyi amhere i guess,1
rick and morty i need more shows with characters like rick i need to see a character whose whole attitude isi am going to do whatever i want and not worry about the consequences becausei amsuicidal anyway and if i die theni amcool with that but if i dont and just have a really awesome experience then thats cool tooit kinda makes me feel like someone as shitty and suicidal as me can do things that arent 100 ruined by my participation in them,1
i can relate to this quote from movie called i stand alone 1998 being born against your will eat wave your dick around make new life die life is one big void its always been and itll always be a large void that can do just fine without me i dont want to play that game anymore not in this life i want to experience something personal something intense i dont want to be the final replaceable part of a giant machine i dont know i must find a reason an excuse or what ever to find the motivation to go on another 20 years until i die if i start my life all over id want to make porn movies its all clear the people who do that understand the human race either youre born with a cock which has to be a big hard dick filling snatches or youre born with a pussy which has to be filled with cock in both scenarios youll still be alone yeahi ama dick thats iti ama sad sad dick and to earn some respect i must be hard all the time,1
ive seen how good it can be and find it hard to cope nowi am19 and have been suffering from depression since i was 14 got it officially diagnosed nearly a year ago when things got harder than ever went to my college counselor jumped through the hoops of therapy and antidepressants and trying to not let my family and friends know whats going on ive given up on both therapy and the medication for a few reasons one thing that has brought me joy throughout my life is my significant other who i met online four years ago i recently got work for the summer saved up and traveled 9000km to visit him i spent 10 days with him and it was everything i hoped it was it felt like wed be together for ever i felt like someone actually cared about me for a change back here at home i have friends but i dont feel i connect well with themi ammore friends out of proximity than anything else theyre all great people and i enjoy my time with them but i just dont think i mix well with them which leaves me feeling pretty alone in general even wheni amwith them being gay and pretty unhappy about it means ive never had a relationship before this and ive never met anyone who i was interested inhaving spent those days with my so i didnt feel depressed or suicidal at all it was genuinely the happiest ive ever been nowi am in a position where i wont be able to visit him for atleast a yeari am in my final year of a pretty intensive full time college course where i wont be finished until next september i wont even be able to work next summer because my course will take up all of my timei am really upset about all this and i am anxious that something might happen in all that time having experienced that happiness and knowing its so far away again makes my depression even worse and its been pushing me back into a place where it feels like giving up now instead of holding on is easier and might save me from anymore upset its given me something to work towards now which is great but ive trust issues ive depression and ive still got all of my usual problems its getting harder and harder for me to want to hold on,1
am going to kill myself soon its only been two weeks of school but ive never felt so much pain and ive had depression since i was 12i am15 nowi am so tired but i have homework and i will get yelled at if i dont finish it but i amliterally so tired and lonely everybody at school either makes fun of me or talks to me likei ama dog in a really patronizing tonei am going to jump in front of a train that will be the quickest way to die literally i cant stand being myself i would love to see places like la and tokyo and do amazing things but i am so stupid i have no social skills and i am so weird and ugly i will never be able to make anything of myself everyone around me thinksi aminsane my parents defiantly think so i cant stop daydreaming its all i ever do i cant stop its like a disease its torture i dont actually care about what is happening i really want to do more things but i cannot keep being this lonely for the rest of my life the pain i feel is torture ,1
tonight i close off tonight i close off i do not have anybodynot much family and the few members i have arent that close to me or hate me cuz they hated my momno friends in my almost 20 years of life ive had about 58 friends and they all left or i pushed them away with my problems all my life i wanted one person just one someone i could rely on be there for someone to hold and watch movies with play games cook travel soi am not alonetonight the guy i opened myself to first person i cuddled with kissed told me hes not ready for any relationship even though he wanted one since we started talking i was closing off when we met and he kept hinting at a relationship and to not close off and now this lmao you may think boo hoo another teen heartbroken with first love nah fam ive tried a few ldronline relationships and ive heard the same excuse i am not ready i need to improve and find myself and so do you aka you aint good enoughwhich is funny cuz i cant find myself wheni amall alone all i can do is wallow in sadness cut and have suicidal thoughts i need that one person to have hope a purpose to feel likei am not alone but i cant have thati amdone trying becausei amnever good enough for anybody literally not a friend not a boyfriend hell i cant even escape my thoughts anymore after 12 years of gaming i cant stomach it i suck at it and have nobosy who even wants to play with mewhy am i writing this here do i look like i have someone to write to no and i wont cuz tonight i close off i cant handle more heartbreak from people lying using me and leaving and i hope with time i can build courage to kms since i have nobody at all just need to be a man and do it,1
it doesnt work why doesnt it worki am in a bit of a bad spot mentally right now and i amcurrently experimenting with hanging as a sort of a failsafe if nothing else without being really explicit about the specifics theoretically whati am doing should make me pass out in a handful of seconds without having to constrict the airway or even suspend myself fully off the floor but in my fiddling around ive found that it hasnt worked like that at least not yet its uncomfortable and hurts and the last thingi am doing is passing out i dont know if i need more weight or use a different kind of knot or if i need to put the noose around my neck differently because holy fuck i cant even figure out how to kill myself righti dont want to die in a long drawn out painful way i dont want to live either everything is sort of hazy and i ambeing selfish and narrow minded and ungrateful and instead of figuring out how to deal with the coming weeks like a normal personi amlying in bed feeling sorry for myself i dont know what i need the future is already hazy and uncertain and i cant even have a surefire way of going out quick i was only experimenting but the possibility that i would somehow screw it up and accidentally kill myself didnt bother me at allim a mess there shouldnt be anything wrong with me but it feels like everything is and i cant see myself dealing with life at all if you can please help,1
read if you want i dont know how to start thisgirl13 ive contemplated it many timesbut i haventim afraid of what my friendsfamily will think and feeli used to get bulliedharassed at my old school but i was used to that i got punched by a boy older than me because i was looking at what they were doingi completely understand why they did thoughi should mind my own business i have bad dreamsabout me being killed or dieingalmost every night and sometimes i cry myself awakeive thought about not fighting anymoreim definitely not strongbut i will keep doing iti have bad trust issuesand that caused me to not be able to trust anyonei can some people but not a lot of people i dont trust myself sometimes either i dont know what to say in this but thank you if you read it,1
just please someone help me find a solutioni ambegging you ive been in therapy for over 5 years ive been twice in a psych wardi amtaking 3 different kinds of pills ive tried countless other pills ive tried working out more than a few times in my life including the past month and it only makes things worse ive tried looking for new hobbies ive been an actor for 2 years ive painted ive built kit models i animated i went out i tried to meet new people nothing helps me i dont want to do this to my parents i dont want to go back to a psych ward but i will kill myself if i have toive had nothing but bad experiences in my life any small sign of friendship was instantly shattered ive never been in a relationship and i ampretty much traumatized from females yet i feel the need for one nothing made me happier than playing videogames but it appears my joy of it is slowly fading along with my bank account while spending all my money trying to find a satisfying gamei dont want to kill myself but it seems to be the only solution,1
recent thoughts of suicide and talking to someone about it hey ive always ignored how much i thought about suicide in the past most recently i decided to pay attention and ended up realizing that i think at least a couple times a day what would life be without me how the life of my loved ones would move forward which way id choose to gomy family is very strict about this subject my uncle commited suicide about 11 years ago and almost no one ever talked about it and talking to them about whati amfeeling will just cause unnecessary pain and concernon the other hand ive been with this girl for the past 8 months and its been great weve never talked about depression or suicide specifically but ive mentioned a few times how fucked up my life wascan be having her around is great and honestly one of the few things that i really enjoy lately though shes gonna study abroad for a year yeah thats messing me up a bit but anywayi just wanna know if i should talk to her about it and how i can do it so that she doesnt feel guilty will it help me will it fuck up our relationshipim afraid that those intrusive thoughts will escalate into something more real more intense ,1
i keep going i just keep going for what reason i keep trying again and again but find the same thing it always ends with me feeling worse than i did before when will it stop when,1
going on with my awful life ive lost the only person i care about which is my boyfriend and i dont know how to continue on and have motivation to even live this is the worst day of my life i wont kill myself because thatll hurt him but i really want to die not existing would ease my pain and i wouldnt have to sit here crying for hours on endi am so alone i wish i knew that the last time i held him would be the last wouldve cherished it more or maybe actually fixed the situation were in i hate myself for bringing him pain i could throw up because of how worthless i feel all i want is himi amgiving him the time and space to decide if he wants to be with me and if his decision is to never come back then thats the only way this could get worse my heart is broken all because of me ruining this relationship ,1
please help meis there anyone on here willing to listen i am feeling suicidal today for the first time in about 5 months i will do my best to sum things up here however its still going to be long either wayi amafraid had depressionanxietylow self esteemptsd for a number of years been having dbt therapy weekly for nearly two years now has been incredibly helpful more so than any other therapy ive tried medications etc a couple of months back a had a turning point with the therapy and could really feel the impact it had had i felt truly positive for the first time in years truly happy like i was able to conquer anything and it wasnt fake this time and i know what that feels like this wasnt it this was different i was doing incredibly well however a couple of months ago after speaking with my therapist about it for a while i decided to get back in contact with my absent father since parents divorce when i was 15 now 27 via a long letter i got short response letter back a week later the response was fairly positive however the phone call we had two days later was not and he was belittling insulting about my epilepsy brought up the past was derogatory towards my mum lied about a few things etc ended very badly and i ended contact with him for good since then i have taken about 10 steps back therapywise and it has been affecting every area of my life but particularly my relationship with my boyfriend which started just before i got in contact with my dad again everything was great with my boyfriend before because i actually felt good enough i felt positive all the time and because i felt good enough i had nothing to worry about but nowi have the same question that has come back that has haunted me for years and even though there is a rational part of me that knows it is my dad with the problem and not mei still end up chalking it down to me not being good enough for him or anyone that question is if my dad doesnt love me who will or similar questions if my dad wont stick by me what man will i only seem to see the negative and not the positive like my mum sticking by me because my negative thoughts and worries are so powerful that i truly believe my mum and anyone else in my life including my boyfriend would be better off without me i dont even think they want me in their lives i cant tell my boyfriend any of this because ive only been with him for about 9 weeks and although he knows the dad stuff and some things from my past and he was understanding and helpful if i tell himi amsuicidal right now thats a one way ticket to losing a boyfriend i dont want to tell any of my friends i already feel like they dont want to talk to me most of the time and when i do talk to them i feel like because we hardly speak because we live far apart etc i dont want to be that debbie downer every time i speak to themi amjust pushing everyone away when i speak to them and when i dont speak to them i feel paranoid and suspicious about my boyfriend a lot i never feel good enough but then i feel no man is good enough for me my standards are so incredibly high because of my past with abusive relationships i cant even explain everything in this post and nowi amjust rambling i dont know what to do i cant stop crying i just hate myself and i hate my braini am in a constant battle with it when i get in states like this even when i dont feel suicidal i struggle so much with pushing negative thoughts out of my mind they are so much easier to believe than positive ones will i ever feel good enough why is there no painless way to end everything i cant get a break from my overthinking i cant even speak to my therapist about it most of the time because shes not an on call therapist and i only see her weekly for 50 mins and in the moods ive been in the past month or so most of the time ive felt like i could talk to someone for hours ,1
i feel likei amcrumbling my entire life feels like its crumbling i cant score well on the act and sat getting a 25 and an 1160 respectively i cant concertrate for more than 5 minutes because all i think about are games my parents have been for some time abusing me emotionally and sometimes physically theyre always pressuring me to work 247 despite me telling themi am trying to do the most i can i go to a very difficult school and my gpa is low too hovering at a 31 i feel like i wont get into any college and that i will always live under my parents roof and will continue this lifestyle untili am30i try to eat my feelings out but everytime i do i get intense pain due to my intestinal problems i have the intense urge to cause myself to vomit but i feel like if i do i would get the craving again i dont care all i want at this point is to just end everything nothing is worth living for i have nobody nobody wants to be with me nobody likes me everybody i know has a negative opinion of me my own best friend who said she trusted me found out i had a small crush on her and now stays away from me all i want is affection i never get any at home and anytime someone shows me even the tiniest bit of kindnessi aminstantly attracted its disgusting and sad i cant help it all i want to be loved i am tired of this life and all these responsibilities and i just want to stay a kid i never want to grow up and killing myself seems like the best answeri amlost and i want a way out,1
amsitting in my backyard with 100 mg of oxycodone please i dont want to die i dont want you to die either i really dont want this world to lose another good person whilst you may feel alone at this time i want you to know that i care a lot about you and that i would hate to lose you you havent left too many details but i will start with asking yo if there is anything you ever wanted to accomplish in life say getting drunk on a camel or visiting one of the seven wonders of the worldplease wait there are good people sill here for youstay strong brother 3,1
so overwhelmed trying to make friends in college but something is off about mei ameither too friendly or too standoffish people dont seem to want to be around mei amjust quiet and shy and most of the guys i befriend automatically assume i must like them i hate living like this every night it seems there is a faux pas that sends me spiralling into suicidal thoughts i become so nervous around people that i get super choked up and talk fasti am really trying to improve myself and build my self confidence but i dont know how much longer i can live with these feelings,1
i wish i was suicidalgrrrrrr i have never been a happy person for no good reason i have always been depressed frustrated and sad i have great family who would be devastated but they dont need me and i know theyd be better off without me and my problems in the long run lol how cliche ive spent years in therapy how middle class ive been on so many antidepressants with varying results but no matter how they have made me feel i have never been able to resolve my long standing issues with anxiety and depression and my inability to function in everyday lifei know deep down that its over for me the hope for a life that i can enjoy and be proud of is just a pipe dream i have a suicide plan and have gone through the motions over a dozen times but when it comes to dropping theres a part of me that just cant let go i just want to go but dont have the courage or selflessness to do it i have been this way since i was about 13 and i am30 now sorry to bum you out but i cant really talk to nonprofessionals about my problems in real life because they would freak the out but i guess i wanted to see if anybody else feels the same or if anyone had advice about how to deal with that emptiness you get when you want to be gone but are still herethanks for reading,1
i have to choose between selfimprovement and suicide and i want to choose suicide i suck and the reason i suck is that ive sucked at being me for my entire life its not that i cant work towards bettering myselfbut its like i dont want to thats not a depression lie its just how i feel my depression is my fault too everything wrong with my life is i have the power to change it but i also have the power to end it i can just give up its going to hurt physically but i can almost taste that sweet sweet release from myself the burden ive placed on myself that is my life could just be swept under the rug its the perfect form of escapism no i dont want to talk,1
does anyone else ever feel like they are too ugly to be alive i thought i had gotten better at coping with body image issues and general lack of confidence by starting to understand reasons whyi amlike this however i seem to be more sad frequently trust issues and anxiety have been going through the roof and cry almost on a daily basisi amscaredi amgunna push away this guy i have been recently dating who has so far been wonderful and supportive and i cant comprehend why he is interested in me how he can bare to look at me and i almost expect him to cheat on meleave me for another girl coz why would you be with me when you could be with someone elsei am so tired of feeling like thisi am so easily triggered now and i really dont know how much longer i can take this i hate being so bothered by such superficial things i feel totally useless as a human and wish i wasnt like this i just want to be happy and pleasant to be around but i dont know how and i feel like my friends dont get how seeing a photo of myself or my reflection makes me feel like i deserve to be killed if anyone can relate i would appreciate someone willing to listen or talk to or help in some way tldr i am really struggling with body imagedysmoprhiaconfidence am scared of being hurt again relationship wise and if anyone can relate or be of help i would appreciate someone to talk to ,1
i thought i found a reason i thought that the thing which kept me for years actually happened again and i feel in love maybe i get pushed away maybe these loves never come true but atleast falling for someone helped to climb out of my hole high enough to have a pretty long way before i can keep digging but now this seems to be over i was at the most terrible point in my life i thought i would find something but i cant believe into anything no friends no family no partner i dont even mean romantical love i just mean any way of love starting by myself ending with a partner but i must admit that this seems to be over for mei amat the bottom and i feel that soon i will have been digging so deep that i am going to fall into the abyss in my dreams but on the hard floor 6 floors deep in real life,1
should i give in so at school a few of my friends told me that someone had a gun and was threatening to shoot up the school while we were there i ended up telling a police officer later that day i found out that i gave false info on the person who had the gun so i tried to fix it but my teachers told me to stay out of it when school let out that day i recieved messages from the person that i said had the gun but didnt he said that he hopes i kill myself and he wants me to cut my wrists he said that if i ever get pregnant he hopes my kids diei am15 and already have major depressioni amscared to go back to school because of him should i just give in and kill myself,1
i feel like a ghost i want to talk to people but i am too worried and afraid to approach people thinking theyll thinki amweird or annoying so i just stay silent and hesitate about what i will say to people ive got no one i can talk to in real life and thats all i want i cant keep things from being boring if i was deadi amsure most of the people in my classes would just be surprised who i waswas in their class,1
colors the sky is blueand the grass is greenbut who are youto tell me who to bemy skin is tanand blood is redif you held my handmaybe none would have to be shedmy faith in godhas long since gonebecause i thought i had lovei guess i was wrong,1
my last week i cant endure this pain any longer its been so many years i forgot the last time i felt okay i have so many mental and physical health problems and i wont seem to be able to be independent at this rate i feel i may as well be a vegetable at this point with how useless i am with all my health problems i refuse to be a burden and a dead weight weighing my friends and family down ive come to terms with this and the fact that i probably wasnt one of the ones that were meant to live a long and happy life i feeli amprobably going to put an end to it all this week,1
three of my friends have died in the last 365 daysi am doing poorly in school and i amlikely not going to go to college or have a future my parents hate me for it and have already threatened to disown me i have a really low iq tell me why i shouldnt end it now helloi ama teenager in my junior year of high school in a sparsely populated mountainous state in the united states school started a month ago for me as i go to a private academy and guess what despite my best effortsi am already failing and badly and my parents say theyre going to disown meive struggled with school my whole life ive always had trouble learning things lets say its been an emotionally distressing struggle too ive cried my way through school trying my best i once was forced to get a learning disability and iq test by my school i have no learning disabilities i have an iq of 73 for those uninformed on the scale of iq tests thats pretty lowi have no real skillsi am not good with peoplei am not a good artist repairman programmer and i have a problem where i seem to fuck up just about everything i touch so unless you count rotting and doing homework as a skilli amessentially unskilled and honestly i just dont want to become an unskilled laborer i dont want to become a cook at some shitty fast food restaurant i dont want to be a construction worker i dont want to be a janitor i dont want to be a retail worker you get my point dont youso because of this my dad who for the record is asian vietnamese to be precise is threatening to disown me in his own words i will not have one of my descendants be a bluecollar unskilled idiot thats the road youre headed down fix it you will go to college and work a professional job and make me proud or you wont be my son anymore of course thats not the only thing hes said hes said a lot moreoh yeah and thats not even the only problem one of my closest friends committed suicide last halloween i was out trickortreating with him that night i still remember it so clearly he didnt seem to be very happy and when i asked him what was wrong he wouldnt tell me eventually he had to go home then he shot himself no note no nothingthen another one of my very close friends committed suicide in january because people were bullying and blackmailing herthen someone else close to me committed suicide yesterdaymy close friends are deadi amfailing school ive tried too hard to tolerate myself being an unskilled laboring idiot my parents are unhappy with me and i am going to get disownedi amrunning out of time its nowhere but down from here ive already devised quite a few ways i could go outso tell me what reason do i have to die seriously,1
a cry for help i guess for the past several years ive been depressed not majorly depressed though id have moments of happiness but even in the moments where i would be laughing and enjoying myself there was always the subtle weight of depression hanging over my head as the years went on that feeling just kept getting stronger and stronger ive dealt with suicidal thoughts in the past but they were always just thoughts i always knew i would never actually do it but in the past few weeks these suicidal thoughts have been much louder and theyre starting to sound more and more rational ive always been quiet and introverted i dont like talking to the people in my life about anything serious i just hide my depression behind thick layers of ironic humor and its fucked me up over the yearsi amcompletely lost and suicide sounds so fucking relaxing now knowing that i could just end all my problems and suffering so easily is such a comforting thoughti ama junior in university just transferred here from a community college ive never known how to make friends nowi amliving on campus with a bunch of people i dont know not talking to anyone not going out not meeting new peoplei ama business major so theres a lot of pressure to be active in activities and get experience to add to my resume so i can get an internship and look attractive to employers but i cant do any of that my social anxiety is so fucking strong how the hell am i supposed to get through life if i cant even do simple shit like talking to people life is supposed to be a healthy mix of doing things you enjoy and doing things you dont enjoy i know its not rational for a person to be happy all the time enjoying every moment theyre in but for me especially lately there are seldom moments where i findi amhappy the majority of my time is spent doing things i dont want to do i dont find joy in anything anymore nothing excites me nothing can motivate me i feel so disconnected from other people everything is so dull even the things that i used to really enjoy like sex for example is just so bland sex used to be the one thing that i had that i really enjoyed i used it to cope with my depression for the longest time but now thats turned dull just like everything else if i dont find anything enjoyable anymore then whats the point i genuinely cannot think of a reason to not kill myself theres no reward in life anymore why would i stick around its all just fucking shit and dealing with sadness and discomfort and anxiety all the time i so badly want to just not exist i dont know whyi amwriting this ive never talked to anyone about any of this because i dont know how to ask for help i guessi amjust hoping someone can convince me that life is worth living becausei amgetting scared at how enticing suicide is becoming ,1
i just am lost gonna end it today i am not going to use caps in this sorry ya grammar nazis hi i never thought it would come to asking the internet for help but here i am i have considered suicide since a young age i always pushed past those phases but lately i am just having doubts doubts i will ever be accepted or love i have been putting on a facade for years no one around me really knows how i feel how ever night i pull out my moms pills to hold in my hands for hours how i take late walks to the bridge and look over it it is almost comforting thinking about dropping my worries let me explain i guess i am still not an adult but not young enough to have no expectations i am a junior in highschool lately my mom and dad have been going at it again from a young age my dad has been addicted to meth he would stand in my moms face and call her unspeakable things he would stand in the living room with a knife to his neck demanding money he would get it and just leave like nothing happened my mom also suffers from extreme depression she had quit her job at one point in the summer and laid in bed naked for 4 days during those days i watched and cared for all my siblings 3 brothers two of which have autism schizophrenia and aspergers some other smaller mental disorders that caused the oldest to become easily attached to things and 1 sister the youngest hadnt been born till a year and a half after my older brother my only older sibling was abusive he would threaten to gut me and chase me with knives he constantly beat me and i couldnt fight back not because i wasnt strong enough but because i couldnt bring myself to hurt him anyways those days of no adults and me stepping up to plate have really affected me lately i have had nightmares of those days and how hopeless i felt i had no one to tuck me in my mom bless her heart had always been there i was mortified of being alone after that things got worst one night not to long after my dad came back he was angry the house wasnt clean and my mom still lied in bed he proceded to hurt her and threaten us i remember grabbing a knife and rushing to grab my siblings but he hit me hard i had never been so terrified from that point on my mom and dad have been at each others necks he still to this day is addicted to meth and my mom still speaks of killing herself i am a relatively popular person i have friends and i actually like that they are the only thing keeping me afloat i like other people got into bad eating habits at a young age years of mom going to mcdonalds every night for dinner conditioned my body for the future junk food it became my comfort after elementary middle school was awful i grew up in a city called omaha some might know it but it is a very bad city at least where i lived north omaha i was ridiculed for being fat i also developed love for well men i was called fag and beat up constantly i had always been bullied whether for being poor fat or fugly i was mortified for two years one thing i said haunted me and caused all my friends to leave me and become my enemies the day i said i am gay you might be think you cant decide your sexuality at that age but in north omaha everyone was already losing their virginity by seventh grade i just didnt feel attracted to girls i had one friend to get me through the one person i never told even to this day my cousin me and my cousin like most family grew less close over the years he moved constantly and his mom who was in the army was stationed in germany i lose my best friend and was all alone till high school then we finally moved i wont say where because i am still living there but it was further into iowa i was able to be myself and have friends i was ecstatic i was finally happy but but things change i guess i just have grown hopeless i notice the looks of disgust i get from my friends i am not very good looking obviously i have lose some weight over the years like 30 pounds or so and i thought i was happy with myself but recently i was just going to school and someone called me fag i i was confused and i i thought that almost adults would be accepting or at least tolerant of me but i guess that is hopeless too i am so tired of the looks i get of the people around me changing about my family about how now when i look in the mirror all i see are flaws no matter how hard i try no matter what i do no matter how much i pray to god to be merciful the blows keep coming they dont stop i never have been happy i sit and nod my head smiling when my friends talk to me smile whenever people catch me frowning i just cant go on living lies i know i am not happy i know i am ugly and fat and stupid i am just lying thinking about how i could end it i dont want my family to wake up to a dead body i cannot imagine that even if i dont always like them i love my family i dont want them to think this is completely their fault i am gonna throw myself in the missouri river tomorrow night i just want to not feel anything anymore i dont want to worry about college or stopping my parents from hitting each other or worrying about how i look or keep thinking about how my life is going to be just like my dads a drug addict who beats his wife i hate it i hate crying but i am crying right now i just cant but the thing is i am scared i dont want to die i just want to start over every bad thing in my life couldve been solved i couldve called cps i couldve not come out i could have worked out and eaten right i could have helped more people done more for others i know there are other people suffering and people way worse off but right now that isnt enough to stop me i am a self loathing attention whore i know and posting here is just going to justify that but before i do end it i just want to laugh i want to feel warmth again i know i sound emo but i just miss getting hugs and sleeping by my mom and dad i miss the days when school was fun and i wasnt worrying about everyone judging me and about how well i am doing i hate it i hate myself i just want to see my grandma again all those days i spent scrapbooking and cooking with her are my best memories but she is gone and no one in the world gives a shit so if i disappear will anyone really care and no i know everyone will be sad for like a few weeks and yatta yatta but in a year no one will remember who i was the art i did the songs i sang the games i played will be boxes thrown in the attic everyone will forget for the best of course i am not sad i just think that the life i am living isnt mine anymore i am hurt my family my friends myself they left me broken and i glued myself back together with religion and games and music and school but now the glue has come undone i just dont care anymore i cannot put on those smiles anymore i cant belt out notes anymore i cant make art anymore i cant do anything right i am a peice of shit this world would be better off without me some whiny fag thanks for reading my life i will be done i am sorry for being me i know i am being selfish right now but damnit i have tried for other people for too long goodbye i hope you will at least have the kindness to post some funny memes below anything to get me to smile please i appreciate it thanks,1
morning thoughts there was a time i believedas i aged my emotions would subside in hindsight i have learnedto bury those feelings deep withinstill i have days where i am consumed i have asked to die more times than i can count but still i sit here writing to no onei am still on this earth as it spins silentlythrough the darkness of eternity when i was younger there were nights the fear of my mortality would paralyze methough now i look at the inevitable and am happy to oblige to leave this cesspool of anger and hateto no longer be bothered by the corporationsdrunk on greed who run this world i have seen the wrath of evil first hand i have seen the aftermath left in its wakei have been subjected to cruel judgments i have been told to crawl in a hole and die i have starved myself to feel confident i have cut myself to focus on the paini have drugged myself to feel happy even if its fleeting what terrifies me thoughi finally realized i have lost myself in this world,1
nobody will ever love me all of the relationships ive ever had were just internet relationships and none of them ended well the one person i had a crush on who was my best friend already found someone else that they are in love with i feel like i will never have anyonei amtransgender and i have social anxiety too which doesnt help either i just want someone to love me but obviously thats never going to happen,1
i really wish i could contract some extremely lethal diseasei am really fed up with life i knowi am going nowhere and i just dont want to be around anymore death is best for me but i feel too weak to kill myself so ive been recently hoping for some horrible accident to happen to me so i can be dead i wont have to upset people who know me and i wont have to go to the effort of killing myself,1
failed hanging i dont know if anyone can help or advise briefly ive always had issues with stress panic attacks and anxiety recently getting worse and worse the other morning got up got changed for work decided enough was enough and hung myself no note not a cry for help was just gonna do it i blacked out and woke up on the floor covered in snot and tears the cheap star wars dressing gown belt had snapped i know if it hadnt i would of gone i dont know where to go from here i am too ashamed to tell my family girlfriend work and the hurt it will cause i dont want their sympathy i dont want to feel like that again any advice ,1
its not like i dont have a will to live its just like i have no fear of dying and its killing me inside i guess a bit of background would help i have low selfesteem usually overshadowed by my cousin who is far better to my schools eyes i was physically abused when i was a kid and i was a child of a mistressi ambasically a result of a ruined marriage and my mom and i leaving my dad left him in deep depression he still talks to me these days via fb and it just hurtsthese things dont bother that much not directly to the point of suicide and i knowi ambetter than my cousin in different ways and thati am not a mistake thati am not defined by my past or my orgins i just think they somehow were the reasons of my selfdestructive naturei dont mind doing reckless things i have thoughts of jumping off buildings sometimes literally standing along the ledge i contemplate cutting my wrists or grating my hand never doing it though i have thoughts of getting drunk hitching a ride at night with a stranger do drugs anything to stimulate my mind i suppose its like everything else just bores me to death i just feel so emptybut the thing i hate the most the thing that drove me to write this post about my behavior is how i ruin relationships i read about selfdestructive behavior on the wikipedia and there was one section that basically described itselfdestructive behavior may also manifest itself in an active attempt to drive away other people for example they may fear that they will mess up a relationship rather than deal with this fear socially selfdestructive individuals engage in annoying or alienating behavior so that others will reject them firstand it hit me pretty hard today because i think i just fucked up a relationship with someone i truly liked my chest aches a lot right now and its pretty cheesy but i have this fear that i will do it to all that i really care about i feel like nothing really ever matters and i should just keep on with this i feel so safe like this and like if nothing really matters nothing can hurt me i know that this reckless behavior is just a coping mechanism for meand i think that theres a way to be truly happy without this i hope for onei cant rely on parents or friends theyre all avid christians and i dont believe in a god i just dont think religion is necessary for me so thats why i turned herehonestly i wouldve ended it all now if it wasnt for my mom she endured my existence and let me live a pretty good life my death would only be selfish and devastate herso has anyone ever felt this i just want a way out and i know suicide wont help but it just seems like the only option right nowi am so empty,1
i have always known i would die by my own hand short version i am a 54yo female abused sexually physically and emotionally from age 316 multiple actors tried to kill my self for the third time many previous cries for help in july cannot get it done husband now has memory loss and am caring for 91yo mother have no friends left and my family has never been there for me husbands friends and family have either died or abandoned us in another way i also have multiple medical problems the worst of which are spinal stenosis and lumbar spondylosis which cause chronic pain for which they will not give me any opiates due to my psych history neither hubby nor i can work and live on less than 1700month on ss disabilitymy psychiatrist and therapist have become complacent psych had a fairly good med combo but it did not keep the last attempt at bay therapists is okay but mostly i think that she is amused by me not in a bad way though she just doesnt direct the conversation or make me work on anything neither suggested hospitalization after this most recent event they do not know everything about my past mostly just the light molestation by my stepdad but everything about my presentmy pcp i rarely see and her np is virtually useless this was not always true prior to their takeover by a corporate hospital group they used to actually listen but have no time and their hands are tied as far as options they are aware of my attempts but not my upbringingi guess i am just tired of trying and getting it wrong first real attempt was when i was 18 just married had an affair with hubbys bff and realized that leaving my childhood home did not solve all of my problems pills and booze not recognized by anyone as an attempt so not hospitalizedsecond attempt was after the hubby had an affair with our bff and she said she was pregnant with his baby due to my childhood i cannot have kids so the pregnancy was the kicker that was an attempted asphyxiation think those guys they find hanging but i was not masturbatingthis last time i took almost six times the lethal dose of a medication that i am on not commonly used for suicide and all i got was two knees bruised so badly that i could not walk for 3 days and i spent two of those days hallucinating hubby did not even attempt to get me help and actively tried to talk me out of calling 911not normally a whiner but i am just really frustrated that no matter how much i try to get things right doing research and such i am still stuck here i do finally have what i assume is a fool proof plan that does not include a gun since i cannot purchase one legally and no longer have any connections to get one i willegally i am also not really looking for any kind of help living or dying unless you can give me the winning powerball numbers so i can afford a good nursing home for mom and maybe hubby just looking to get it off my chest i guess,1
if anyone needs help please pm me i am like you i have problems to yei amjust having a pretty shitty year with school life and other shit just need someone to talk,1
over i am going to go over at my aunts abandoned house and hang myself tomorrow morning,1
does going through with this make me selfishi am29 and i intend to do it tomorrow probably warm water knife unless i think of something better and less messy i feel like a complete piece of shit and have for 15 years at least now the only reason its gonna happen tomorrow is i didnt want to hurt my parents friends and the poor fuck who will have to clean after me and now i think i want this too muchi am not even that sad its more like liberation and anxiety maybe but thats to be expected does this make me more selfish than i already am if someone replies i will answer wheni amback from work ive decided to do my best not to let people around me know so they dont blame themselves,1
why is suicide consider a bad thing i have lost everything in the last month including friends and my girlfriend no one seemed to care that i did until i started taking drugs and alcohol then everyone calls me selfish and my ex girlfriend kept preventing me from doing it why cant i just be left alone,1
i dont want to do this anymorei am so tired i hate waking up every day and being me everything is too fucking hard going about my day talking to people even thingsi amsupposed to like if it wasnt for some people that care for me for whatever reason id do it right now but nowi amstarting to resent my friends and family for being the reasoni am not hanging from somewhere i hate everything and i want to die ,1
the most loved person of mine so everything started about a month ago when i meet a girl from portugal we talked a lot and got to know eachother pretty well weve been together for all of that time and it was the best thing that could have happened to me when i told her that i need about 2 weeks to study she was ok with it after i passed my exams she made a new friend which she calls bae she doesnt even call me like that when with her friends but him of course she calls him bae whenever i want to talk to her shes in defensive mode and tries to not talk to me by any meaning when i begged her to speak with me she tried finding excuses and ended up lying me that her phone died i literally never met someone like her shes the most perfect person ive ever meet ive been dealing with depression since 4 years ago when my mom literally died crying for me i just wanted someone to love i offered to pay for her to come in the uk next year and move with me she agreed but now everything is ruined i can assure you that no other girl is like she is i wont ever find someone like her my life literally has no meaning at all right now what am i supposed to do she is just hiding stuff and doesnt wanna talk to me i know she was dealing with depression as much as i was but that doesnt make any sense the guy looks like just a friend for her but i dont know why she was like that i told her thati am going to kill myself which i think i will and she didnt even tried to tell me not to do it she just ignored me and told me to leave her alone i was about to commite suicide before i meet her but she gave me a reason to still try but now everything is gone there are still alot of things i didnt said about her there is no chance i would forget her i just wanna be back with her but i cant do anything ,1
my psychiatrist left me like everyone else does i had my follow up appointment with what is my third psychiatrist in maybe two months and she told me i needed to see someone else because she couldnt help me i should have known she too would get tired of mereject metell me to leave i made the mistake of being honest with her and telling her about my love addiction she basically told me what everyone tells me which is that i need to put myself first and stop dating and blah blah blah i dont mean to sound like a brati amjust so tired of people telling me the same thingi am tired of telling myself the same thing i dont know if i can do this anymorei amcertifiably crazy ive been inpatient more than five times ive been diagnosed and prescribed ive taken intensive dbt to combat the big bad in my life known as borderline personality disorder something i initially rejected because it sounded more like it should be named being human but now embrace as my issue ive been around the block its not my first rodeo this is my life now i cry and oversleep and try to stay alive for the people in my life i am very fortunate to have a considerable number of people in my life who have said they care deeply about me and want to see me thrive and survive there are times when i too want to see myself thrive and survive but i was say thats 310 days the rest of the time i feel like i cant deal with the crushing weight of just breathingi am so torn between killing myself and trying to fight that i think maybe i should have myself permanently committed that way i can hide from the world but the people who say they love me can still see me if they want its compromise but that costs a lot of money i think and its probably not fair to the psychotic people who simply cant function even if they want to at least i can put on a show when i want tohave toi amtethered to reality and have never experienced psychosis which is something i should be grateful for and on a certain level i really am but its not enough i think thats my issue its not enough there is simply one thing that is enough loveromance if i am dating i am on top of the world there is a reason to live and a point to it all and i can fight anything and overcome everything i am euphoric i am almost invincible and i am probably really fun to be around too my entire happiness is hinged on my newfound relationship and ifwhen that goes away everything understandably falls apart when i tell myselfi ambeing unreasonable and delete all the apps block all the numbers and erase all the pictures thats when withdrawal sets in the empty feeling in my chest now correctly identified as anxiety by my last therapist compounds and i feel as if i am walking with a hundred pound weight attached to my sternum every car is an opportunity every train a potential escape forever i live in new york city its torturous i have no suicide note or manifesto i dont want my failed romances to feel sorry if i die honestly i wish theyd just forget all about me i dont want anyone to feel pain for the ways they may have wronged me in the past i am not seeking revenge in any way shape or form i just want this to end i literally just want the pain to fucking end if i didnt feel this awful compulsion and the emptiness that followed denying it i would be fine i would be able to deal with my life i presume but this is too much this pain is way too much nothing has helped and today has just been proof that it doesnt matter if i beg them fuck them or pay them no one will deal with me for very long my own mother shuts me out and gives me the cold shoulder when it becomes too much i dont blame her i wish it didnt have to be this way but i honestly dont know what to do please give me advice on how to die ive read about short drop hanging and nitrogen i live in a regular house and the basement is empty i havent inspected it muchthere might be some good prospects but i am not really looking at things with an educated eye websites can only help so much and they often like to tell you about all the ways you might fail or try to reverse psychology you some other way reddit is cold and practical in many ways so thats why ive come here please help me put an end to this pain if theres some kind of afterlife i will be eternally grateful ,1
amgiving up i will be dead in a few weeksi amway too tired to start writing stuff about myself since no one will read it anyways basically i hate people i think everyones terrible and that no one has any empathy i shouldnt be upset over something like this i should get over it but i cant do it its too much for meso i will be dead in a few weeks i dont really care about my family anyways ive got no friends obviously i dont even care if anyone will miss me,1
maybe i should give my parents my suicide for christmas this yearim sure theyd be thrilled they will milk it for the sympathy for years dont give them the satisfaction,1
can someone dm me on twitter please i would like to talk blank_gengar,1
i feel left out of a normal life i hate hearing about my friends doing something without mei amnever texted firsti amnoones first option ever i hate not having anyone that cares i hate that no one would be affected if i just left i hate being alive i hate feeling tired all the time i hate that i need drugs to feel happy i hate my awful grades i hate thati amawkward i hate thati am anxious i hate myself i want to end my life,1
god is real and that motherfucker loves irony i dont know how it has escaped me for this long but i just remembered that my state practically doesnt have gun lawsi amup to my chest in credit card debt but if i sell some securities i should be able to afford a gun some ammo but of course my car had to break down just before i came to this realization soi ammarooned at my college campus by the time i get this car fixed i might still feel like doing it holy shiti amkind of scared ,1
a 19 year old worthless loser every day suicidal thoughts get more intense i cant stand the shame of being so inferior and weak all the time this is very painful asi amsure society looks down on young men who are like this there is nothing positive in my life ive stopped seeing friends becausei amembarrassed honestly i envy them they are more intelligent getting better educations more sociable successful and generally better human beings how can i possibly compete in society ,1
never in my life have i felt humiliated and treated likei ama piece of trash can i just die already omg are you me you literally sound like me,1
tldr it isnt getting better the medication isnt helping i am too alone alone with my thoughts nostalgia stabbing into my heart and twisting the blade everything good has already happened for me everything i care about the friends the jobs the drugs its all in the past now nothing ever comes to replace what ive lost so there is just emptiness where there used to be love where there used to be distraction i love my family but i am suffering mentally i am lost and i am trapped in my life there is something wrong with my mind i know it i have only failed i do not succeed and i am miserable trying to make sense out of the broken piecesi amsicki am not well i present well at least they tell me so sayi amhighfunctioning but i am not well i am sick and there is no cure on these long nights alone i dont want to fight anymore i want to give upi am not interested in working to have a better life as i know it wont come its all gone gray its been almost a decade of therapy and pills and i amgetting old the doors are closingi amjust teetering on the edge of collapse they still believe in me but i dont believe in myself and i am so tired of living for them when there is no joy when i cant complete the easiest of tasks when everyday is just waking up to the same shit feelings wanting to hide somewhere i feel safe this pathetic weak little lifei amlivingi am so sad because there is no one to tell my thoughts to that matters to my heart my parents are burnt out from listening to me my sister ignores me and everyone else they never knew me no one knows who i am they just know this pathetic sad bitter useless man ive become they didnt ever know the boy i was the one who believed that things would actually get better if he just tried the one with all the opportunity but he was so sick too stuck at home suffering from agoraphobia he should of killed himself then but he thought hed get better because thats what they promise you thats what they tell you so they can comfort themselves it will get better what if it already got better and nowi amliving the postbetter life it got better then it got so much worsei amgetting so sick againi amlosing my mind they cut my hours back at work and my one friend isnt calling as much anymore now i just have idle time to suffer and nothing to self medicate withi am so tired of life my psychiatrist said i want to not exist not that i want to diei am not even sure what that means i want to die i want to end my life the final resolve to everything that has happened to be at peace with my storyhow much longer will it go on,1
lol yeah so like my mom passed away like 14 months ago and i moved in with my brother snd stuff and like i got friends but by now they all dirched me and shit uhh yeah they dont invite me to parties anymore so and work has been so tedious and stressful for me so yikes uhi am16 pretty sport active i guess been depressed for about 2 years or so now so probs gonna leave in like a week or two,1
not sure if this is the right place to ask but i just need to sometimes i just have thoughts of how nice it would be to just kill myself or be deadi am not suffering from depression and compared to all the people who need an ear on this sub i have a good life however like i said i just would rather be dead 80 of my day i was wondering why this could be if any of you could help i dont thinki amsuicidal but i knowi ama huge failure so far in life and knowing that just makes every day feel long and i just want my short life to end already my question really is just do any of you know what could be bringing on these thoughts my doctor saysi am not depressed,1
i know i shouldnt ask for medical help but roughly 45 days ago i was in hospital for a suicide attempt overdose i took 20 225mg venlafaxine 24 valium and a few sleeping pills all on an empty stomach and with alcohol i was discharged from hospital after staying in and being assessed but noone told me anything ever since ive had horrible stomach cramps and i amconstantly feeling sick in the mornings and after food is this normal thank you remove if breaking rules x,1
christians is it morally wrong to wish for death i dont think i could kill myself as that would be against my faith but i want to die please help is it against your faith it definitely would be considered bad in some cases as it is an act of intentional killing murder many scholars believe since you can not ask for redemption on earth its simply a way to hell god will forgive us our sins when we pray to him and seek redemption however you cant exactly be sincere about it as you conduct the action if you really want to be moral and a good christian than its simple give your life to god join the church or a monastery and become a monkvolunteer and live your life only for god and no one else not even for yourself ,1
tonights the night goodbye thank you for everything youve given me my note is in the top left drawer of my vanity i love you,1
are there any websites that provide proper guides to easy and painless suicide ive been watching a few videos over the last week on youtube about how to tie a noose to hang myself but i am not sure if i can do it right id prefer just to painlessly over dose on some combination of drugs really i tried killing myself by eating peanuts because i was allergic to them but it seems i grew out of my allergy because i didnt get a reaction,1
am doing it tomorrow ive chosen not to wait anymore well technically 1 more night but i probably wont sleep my note is written and ive sent texts thanking what few friends i have i just wish there was another way or wish i could see it but i think i can do it this timei amgonna get wasted get in the car turn up the radio and carbon dioxide myself to sleep for goodif any of my friends see thisi am sooo sorry its not your fault,1
my life is just crumbling i dont have anyone to talk to so i figured i should come here i dont know what to do suicide has been on my mind heavy for weekswell really for the past ten years what do you do when youre in your life completely alone when all you want is to find any way to get fucked up to be numb all i want to do is die but i amentirely too chicken to do it myself so i have to sit miserable hating everything about myself until someone feels bad enough for me to just go ahead put me out of my misery i think about it too much i just want the pain to stop i need someone to show compassion love act like it would destroy them to lose me like it destroys me every time theres always someone more important when am i going to be the one that matters i dont know whyi ameven trying to look for compassioni am sorry,1
i want to die that is all,1
yo am i worthy of living so heres the deal ive been miserable for years now at least six but maybe more in that time ive tried the usual suspects exercise meditation relationships it has all kind of amounted to nothing not to say i havent learned anything from those experiences but i cant shake this feeling that i will end up killing myself someday no matter what i do i seem to be stuck in a cycle of thinking things are about to get betterrealizing things are getting worseits like a roller coaster ride that never ends except instead of being terrified all the time with relief at the end i drift between debilitating sadness and listless anxiety i really dont know what to do it may be easier for me to end my life since there doesnt seem to be a solution i dunnoi am not even emotional about dying anymore i just see it as a logical choice in the face of a really awful world hey thanks for reading this far 3,1
i am no one i am 31 years old i work full time and then some in social services typically i work 50 hours a week but i can barely make ends meet i took a week off in july and without the overtime i took such a financial hit i almost couldnt buy food and i didnt even do anything or go anywhere it was literally just a staycation where i mostly played video games or went on walks to the parki am31 with a college degree and i have to get a second job and essentially work 7 days a week so i can save money i have no life now because i cant afford it i will have no life then because i wont have time and it is an endless cycle i am tired i feel heavy air hurts my skin feels raw and as much as i want to feel guilty i can only feel at peace in the knowledge that sometime soon i will die and i will be the one to do it that when it is over everyone else will be sad but eventually they will move on theyll get on with their lives and i will no longer be the fuckup burden they feel obligated to invite places or required to talk to they wont have me to support financially and emotionally what i hope to gain is freedom and i hope to provide it as well i do not like who i am i am not happy i have not been happy for a very long time i have always been unsuccessful in relationships i try so many things and can barely rise to mediocrity and when people sayi amgood at something or they like me it just feels like a lie it feels like they are making fun of me it always has felt that way and i am tired and i just want to be done now ,1
i hate this city and i cant move i feel like i dont have any options i am an early20sf living in a dangerous city for grad school i have about 4 more years in my phd this city is terrible walking home in the middle of the day today i stopped at a crosswalk waiting for the light to change i got pushed and shoved by a sleazy man who started berating me calling me a whre asking if i am trying to sell myself said that i must be a cheap whre as my nails arent even done etc i said leave me alone and two other men started saying the same things i immediately turned and walked the other direction as they yelled profanities and screamed at me there were tons of other people around and no one said anything to them or even attempted to help me i cant believe that the mid30s couple at the same crosswalk didnt say anything i was on the phone with my mom the entire time she heard everythingthis is not even close to the first time that this has happened this is not the worst experience i have even had this kind of encounter with homeless mentally i will high people happens at least once a week on public transportation so this was not a byproduct of walking home i hate this city i hate living here i love my school though also everyone is very proud of me for going here my parents have told everyone that i am attending grad school here and they already call me doctor mylastname in a loving way because they are so proud of me so i cant switch grad schools i cant move from this hell hole i tried talking to a therapist they said something about it just being paranoia and threatened to take me off a medication for adhd that i have happily been on for over 6 years because it can increase paranoia i dont understand how being scared to leave my house is paranoia when at least once a week someone says something terrible to me or threatens me i have been mugged twice since i have lived here i feel like my only other option is killing myself i could probably just walk home at night with a purse and end up shot within a month to be completely honest i cant live here anymore ,1
numb alone and tired of fighting soi asked my best friend to let me know when in general to not tell her my mentalemotionalpsychological state when shes got something on her mind she told me i passed that point a while ago i kindadont want to live to see my birthday at all nowits 4 days away and i dont want to be here anymore i knew everyone else hated me i could deal with that but my fucking best friend told me she doesnt have the time or energy to deal with my shit ive helped her so much in life and i shouldve seen it coming when she didnt put effort into comforting me i had a couple attempts and she stopped trying to console or help me when i flat out told her my plan she ignored all of what i suggested and was so stubborn and set on not listening to me no matter what i said and now thisi am so numb i cant feel anything anymore its like i snapped inside i literally cant fucking move my body is in so much pain i give up she was my last reason to stay theres no fucking point anymore thats gone and i am tired of fighting iti amready to fucking die ,1
my tinnitus is going to kill me hi i began experiencing a wooshing sound in my ears last tuesday aug 28th that was chalked up to an ear infection during that time i experienced constant panic attacks fearing that it was going to last forever then 2 days ago i felt so much better because out of nowhere it just vanished however today it has come back and now i feel more hopeless than ever if i have to live with this for any longer suicide will just be a matter of time i saw an ent and he told me that i was making a full recovery from the ear infection but lo and behold my wooshing is back and my will to live has vanishedi have so much shit due next week and with this ear thing i just want to die i have told my boyfriend about my suffering so many times hes tired of hearing it i told my parents and they saidi am sorry honey no one actually cares that i want to die i have been saying things like i want to die and kill me i think that they have gotten used to it well jokes on them because sooner or lateri am going to end up in the fucking dirt,1
help my gf has considered suicide and selfharm in the past hey reddit i have a problem with my girlfriend and for some context were both in high schoollast night my girlfriend asked me if i have ever been suicidal i have never but i immediately felt concerned because i knew where the conversation was heading she revealed to me that she has been suicidal before i asked if she ever selfharmed and she told me she has considered it she said that 3 years ago she felt alone she had a pair of scissors and was thinking about stabbing herself in the stomach at the moment when she told me this i just gave her a big hug and told her that she can always talk somebody and she could talk to me if she ever needed to i honestly didnt know what else to say because we were out on a date and i didnt want to upset her by saying something she might not like even now as i write this i recall her telling me that when she was in elementary she threatened her schoolmates that were bullying her that she would kill herself at the time when she told me this i was shocked but rationalized in my mind that she was probably lying so her bullies would back off she said it in a kind of laughing tone and i assumed stupidly that she was all right she exhibits some signs of depression she asked me if my parents hated her after they met her and she has a pretty low image of her bodythis is where i need some advice i really want to help her out because i really really like her and would never leave her because of something like this ive been reading some of the stuff on but i am not sure whenhow to approach the subject do i just wait for her to bring this up again or should i offer her a chance to talk to me more about this before something serious ever happens thanks in advance,1
amunwanted and i dont want to live in a world where no one wants mei am in college i went through sorority rush and didnt get in any sororities so i tried to apply to join another organization on campus and got turned away from that too i dont belong anywhere my mom is extremely emotionally abusive the day i got turned away from that organization my grandma died i was extremely close to her and loved her a lot now my mom is telling me how i wasnt important to her my boyfriend never tries to take me on dates and barely makes any effort to even see me we have been together 5 years i constantly tell him how i feel neglected and unwanted and he continues to ignore me and neglect me i dont have a best friend people that i thought were my friends hang out with each other and never invite mei amjust never wanted by anyone i want to be someones best friend i want to be someones first choice or any choice at all i dont understand why nobody likes me i am so nice to people i really want to make friends but no one likes me,1
the police make me suicidal to make a long short storyi am not getting justice from them when people wrong me instead locked up and sent to a mental hospital when family members physically abuse mei dont understand whati am doing wrongwhy am i not getting justice,1
all time low i think ive hit rock bottom in my life i have ibs paired with numerous food allergiesgluten dairy sunflower oil and chemical sensitives to about anything you can imaginecant use toothpaste cant drink anything except for distilled water i have a mass growing in my testicles ive dealt with going to the bathroom 1020 times a day for as long as i can rememberi am22 it is so raw down in there 57 days of the week making it so uncomfortable to even walk around at my job chronic general and social anxiety because of being so uncomfortable and constipated and in pain all day has developed because of being in the public school system caused by ibs i am successful outside of that but i amjust miserable and there are no real explanations to my health issues ive been at lows but this is an all time and i amafraidi am going to act soon but i amassuming i should invest in life insurance i know it doesnt payout when you commit suicide ,1
my marriage is slipping away i am tired i honestly wish i could go home or just commit suicide so at least my family can get the insurance moneytldr having a midlife crisis career is a dead marriage is slipping away,1
i thinki amjinxed too much bad luck my waydidnt do anything wrongused to being treated poorlyi cut off just about everyone because i feel people dont tke me seriously enough,1
everyone loses interest in me eventually i have literally no one my birthday is in less than two weeks i plan on hanging myself a week after i have literally nothing to live for ive never been this depressed for such an extended period of time the worst part is that nothing is helping me ive been depressed for the last 11 years of my life since i was 13 therapy didnt help medicine didnt help people who i thought were my friends deserted me my family doesnt want to have anything to do with mei amsuffering so fucking muchi amjust barely surviving day after day my depression is untreatable and i just want my shitty life to end already,1
am going to kill myself on monday my loneliness is to the point that i have no optimism i cant find a relationship and when i do they end in heartbreak i have no patience to wait for one i have depression social anxiety and i get angry with people easily if i kill myself i wont have to live this painful life any longer its not my fault that everyone else is so full of themselves and immature that they dont respect me if i leave maybe theyll realize what they missed out on i want them to be sad i want them to cry they deserve it for every thing theyve done to me or for every time they ignored purposely or not my paintheyll cry about how they miss me but theyre all liars they denied my requests for relationships and now i get to leave them permanently they deserve every ounce of guilt theyll feel i messaged them all suicide letters or cryptic goodbyes and told them just how guilty they are only a few are spamming my inboxes begging me to stopfunny how they didnt message me before though they didnt message me to ask how my night was going or my plans for the weekend they ignored me becausei amfucking worthless to them so now they deserve to live with my ending on their guilty conscious why shouldnt i kill myself i havent tried therapy or filling myself with artificial toxic pills yet are those two any good,1
give me one reason i shouldnt kill myself sooni amsick of struggling through everyday without any social interaction and having all these regrets pile upi ama weird and stupid person i honestly dont thinki am going to make it to collegei am going to cry myself to sleep rn for the millionth time,1
i thinki amdone there is a lot to write i will make this short as possiblei am31 mi ama combat vet with multiple tours found my father after he committed suicided ruined my marriage ive felt emotionally numb for years all i feel is anger and sadness i cant change the way i feeli am looking forward to dying it makes me happy thinking about iti am not looking for sympathyi amthe cause of my own ruini am not a good person what so ever,1
my friend is suicidal and i dont know how to help her i recently started talking to someone one online and as it turns out she is severely depressed and suicidal she has told me that she is planning to kill herself after she finished school i live in a different country to her so i can not go to her to help she has said that a lot of her friends have left or betrayed her and she is unable to trust anyone anymore i am trying my best to help her but she keeps going between wanting to be helped and not wanting to be helped every time i think i convinced her to get help she just changes her mind a few minutes later and decides she just wants to die insteadi really dont know what else to do here i have read some things that are in the side bar but i dont think that i am helping her i just dont know what do say or do please help me help her i am so scared that she will kill herself and it will be my fault that i couldnt help her,1
i dont want to live as an inferior human anymore hey guys and gals i really need a place to get this off my chest so here it goesim currently 23 turning 24 in january this summer i was bed bound for the whole of the summer due to brain injury this accident happened as i was getting my life back on track giving it all at uni doing sports as much as my knees allowed me to and trying to get to know more people all of this was an effort to change my life from being a hermit with poor social skills and low ambitions i spend my years at uni getting fat and hiding from other people and work although i got rid of the fat now i still have strech marks all over the place this and my notasgoodasitusedtobe physique due knee problems which wont fucking go away add to my inferiority complex i feel i have failed life to the core wasted on of the most important years in the life of a succesful human being and the milestones i missed i cannot do over even if i try to turn it around again which i was semi succesful the last year before my accident it just seems to me that this mistakes will stain my very being forever i can be better than now in the future but the fucking past cannot change and that is what makes me want to kill myself so so bad i really think i cannot get as far in life as i could have because of the lower brain processing power as i got older nowi get a lot of shit for saying this at home but i really think this is true this mistakes arent even reversible like my stretchmarks i would have to live with their consequences all my life long maybe getting equal in relative as i cannot undo my isolation experience with my peers in the thirties but that wouldnt matter because i cannot be happy there if i wasnt happy in my early 20s righti still try to change at the moment asi amrecovering because i have to choices giving it all or killing myself but really i like the second option so much better at the moment for i cannot stand being inferior even if it may be just in my mind,1
i dont know what to say i want to kill myself like today or tomorrowi am tired of feeling so shitty nobody cares about me and i am not good at anything i need someone to be there for me becausei ampretty sure i will actually do it ,1
sexual repression is ruining me ive always been considered a creep ugly weird unworthy loser i doubt i will ever have someone i connect with and who connects with me its killing mei amfrustratedi am angryive been in professional therapy for depression for 4 years it lead nowhere and even made things worse ive never knew how to express what was bothering me so much and i cannot stress enough how much i hate talking about it it makes me feel so bad about myself ive never had positive experiences with the other sex and as much as i hate it and frustrated by it there is nothing i can do about itive considered suicide many times and each day it seems i want it even more i know that i will suicide soon i dont want to but i just dont want to suffer this anymore,1
3rd try maybe todayi amfed up with my life now i have depressions for 4 years now and i cant stand it anymore my girlfriend we were engaged commited suicide some of my best friends died i nearly lost everything i did terrible things in my job i got a serious problem with my heart doctors say that i have left a few years to live i tried to end this 2 times now but it didnt work ,1
unhappy with my job working at a wholesale club for 3 years now i started this job while enrolled in college now i dropped out and feel an underlying need to get out of retail as it is sucking the life out of me lately i have been have anxiety attacks losing my weight and my appetite and just un happy with my job my brother has an opening at a car wash where he details cars for 2 less than me but detailing cars is my hobby i see the pros to this job asan attempt to get out of my situation before something bad happens outside job tips detail experience and i can tell people to go up there and charge half of what the wash does and management is ok with it pays 800 a semester if i go to school cons less pay and business depends on weather i believe my finances will be ok since my rent and bills equal to around 600 soom to be 800 just need some advice before my anxiety kills me,1
my ex called me she proposed promised for better or for worse then broke up with me when the worst came now shes calling me because shes sad shes sad ive never been this depressed in my life ive never actually had a plan for death i know exactly how many pills to take to end it all i know the high traffic times on the busiest road in my city i know which bridges i can gain access to and how far i would fall shes sad and i amlost isnt that just lovely ,1
compulsive liar back with an update thank you reddit hi i posted a few days ago from the roof of a nearby building it was raining i was prepared to end it i reached out for help and i received it i met one of the greatest people ive met in a long time and ive only known him a day or two thank you reddit so much i may not be here for long but i amhere at least one more day ,1
suicide prevention ,1
cant get over the past my brother is 5 years older then me and when i was 13 i had a girl friend and she cheated on me with him and i cant get over iti am21 now it fills like it was yesterday they took everything from me friends family my school life was hell even the teachers thought it was funny they where a lot more popular then i was i was like 267 pounds and nowi am146 i use the anger from that day to drive me to this point but it still hurts i havent brought a girl home since i knowi amjust being a pussy but i dont think i can handle it if it happens again i cant trust no one and its killing my life with people i care a lot about help me plz talk me though it,1
not very interesting hi so this is my first reddit post and its not gonna be a very happy onei amlike crazy sad right now very lonely and feel completely worthless i started uni last year and had to drop out for mental health reasons and nowi amliving back in london on my own with a really shitty waitressing job and ive been lying flat on my kitchen floor for about an hour trying to muster up the courage to do anything i hate myself for dropping out all my friends stayed on at uni and are making successes of themselves and have friends and a social life and all i do is go to work go home drink and smoke ive got a mildly tragic backstory and a history of depression etc but i wont bore everyone with thati dont even know wherei am going with this sorryi guessi amjust looking for a tiny bit of hope i just kind of need someone to tell me that stuff might be okay and i am not going to be stuck here like this forever,1
what do i do wtf do i do when nothing makes me happy anymore gaming going outside being with friends and family all of these things kept me going but now all of them feel like chores when my depression has taken over and nothing is making me happy then wtf do i do,1
it feels as if no one caresi amf17 depressed anxious and suicidal ama senior and i can barely make it through the days at school i cant stand it everyday is filled with pain that comes with the anxiety i feel ashamed worthless pathetic my parents know about my anxiety problems nothing is really done about it but this depression i havent told them about my father would straight up tell mei am not depressed thati amacting stupid and my mother would just stand there not saying anything when i look around know one really cares about anyone these teachers that walk around the doctors i see none of them actually care theyre just doing a job for the sake of money the only reason i havent killed myself is because i got tied up in a relationship before these severe thoughts came suicide to me is freeing everyone including myself i can only see my life in a negative light i cant get any helpi amlost no one is around me my boyfriend its online hes hundreds of miles away i promised him i wouldnt commit suicide soi amstuck here in pain because i dont want to cause him painyoud think after going through so much pain for so long youd grow numb to it but you dont you just suffer and suffer ,1
amtrapped each dayi amhaving a hard time justifying my own existence why i should even bother rolling out of bed in the morningcollectively in my household we have way too many bills piling up and nowhere near enough money we barely have 2 pennies to rub together it seems i do have a job but its like a hair above minimum wage and soulcrushing as all hell my free time is basically spent helping another family member pursue a dream a dream thati amless less convinced will actually come true i feel likei amtrapped and have nowhere to run or go to i feel so fucking alone likei amsuffocating i dont know what else to do except end it i feel like theres no real way out,1
how to die what would an overdose of oxycodone do to me,1
i think ive come to terms that my life will always be miserablei ama worthless loser that will never get a girlfriend it eats me alive ive heard the whole you gotta be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else spiel many times before ive tried a lot to just focus on me and it doesnt get rid of the pain of not having a girlfriend its obvious to me that i will never be able to accept no matter what i do so no matter what you sayi am not going to believe the whole learn to love myself thing it truly feels like that my destiny in life was to be nothing but suffering ive suffered for years cause of this ive been molded by it i dont try with girls anymore i know its a waste of my time my lifes going to be shit so whats the point in keeping on going,1
i want help but i ama minor and cant trust my parents to get it ive made multiple posts here and on and ive decided i want to seek a therapist as a quick recapi am12 years old hate public school i was once homeschooled think my mom is horrible at raising children with autism am 80 sure i have bipolar and nearly jumped off a wall last week the only problem is i dont really have someone i can open up to most of the time when i try to talk to my parents about serious matters i just get yelled at how dare you be suicidal jesus died so that you can live and to kill yourself would be to downright reject that gift committing suicide is the most selfish thing you can do and when i try to share my side they just nuke the conversation and because my school is an online school i cant seek help from a school counselor i cant call the suicide hotline because i dont have a phonei amlost hopeless and alone,1
please ive tried so hard and it still isnt working i don t know what i enjoy nothing i try works i hate myself more than anything i get too attachedi get jealous i don t understand how people have funhumour is my only form of self defensei want attention but hate being payed attention toi want pity but i don t want to be pitiedi want to feel anything but sadnesseverything i see is through a film of bluei can only get an angry at myself i can only disgust myselfi always feel sickits in the back of my headalways watching and weighing me downcorrupting everything i see or hear or wantits not fairi tried so hardits not faircan i not get one thing good or right or anythingpleaseid give anything just to feel normalmeds didnt worki cant kill myselfwhat would that do to the few people i lovethey see things in me that don t exist i don t understand them but i understand how that i can hurt them but that s the only thing i want most in the world not to kill myself but to stop living its so boring what is going on how is it fun its just a nauseating blurwhy did i have to want somebody again it messed everything upthis was supposed to be a fresh start this was supposed to workmeds were supposed to work getting away from family was supposed to worksomething was supposed to change how do they not get tired how do they not get exhausted what am i supposed to work towardsi can t make goals i fail everything i try my own mother said she hated me in her dying breath and i had to carry her ashes and this happensits not fair i m ugly and i hate working i expect too much of others and expect too much of myself i always fail to meet my expectations why cant i just die hit by a drunk driver and everybody stands around and says how sad it was and how much potential he hadi can t give up i can t even muster up the effort to give upi loathe everything about who i am and what i feel and what i do everybody seems to have so much fun with lifeand i get this i had a girlfriend i worked out i got good grades and i still woke up every day wanting to die getting up in the morning takes 50 of my days energy drinking makes it worse half the time and the other half its fine but it makes my reality that much darker in contrasti just want to sleep all the time i dont know how long i can continue for when will i just break i think its soon,1
just cant handle the anxiety and depression any more my anxiety is so bad that it is nearly crippling i actually felt good last night after so long and i thought i was making some progress new meds lost a little weight cut back on drinking i went to bed last night and i said i was going to have a good day off woke up at six with the anxiety back full force felt like i was going to vomiti am so tired of living like this i just wish i was single with no kids some times so i could just kill myself and not feel this way anymore i cant though becausei amafraid of what it would do to my family,1
my suicide would be justified because of the ways ive hurt the people closest to me we were just 18 years old and i was a selfish and jealous boyfriend i never laid a finger on her but the emotional pain and manipulation i inflicted upon her was clear i was a troll i was a person who felt underappreciated by everyone around me and i turned these feelings into acts of provocation and a boundless sense of entitlement flash forward five years later we have graduated college and we are still together we moved across the country together i have matured ive gained insights about the world around me the struggles of people less fortunate than me and i would like to think that i have become a more empathetic person i have realized i am not the center of the universe the past is all behind us she tells me that the past doesnt matter because i have changed into a better person she thinks the early conflict of our relationship was almost a good thing because it sparked such a significant change in my personality she loves me and i love her and i dont know what i would do if i didnt have her in my life but none of that changes the fact that i am still haunted by the things ive said and done in the past haunted by the person i was in the early days of our relationship how unfathomably selfish i was how i could say and do such vile things to the person who i love more than anything in the world she says i need to stop punishing myself for what ive said and done in the past because all that matters is that i am a good person going forward but i think this is what i deserve this pain that i am writing about is my punishment and i have finally realized iti am not a criminal and i am not a violent person but i still am unable to eat because of a fixation on the past why doesnt her forgiveness satisfy me why do i still feel worthless because of the mean things i did when i was barely a legal adult why hasnt the slate wiped itself clean yet what do i have to doi just know that if i were to leave this earth it would be justifiable as i would never be able to inflict emotional trauma onto another sweet caring person one reason that i havent done it yet is because i know that if i were ever to commit suicide it would give her the same type of emotional trauma that haunts me almost every day and i could never condone that type of action on the person i love most so i guess i am now forced into a life plagued with guilt where i will always have to live with the memories of what a jerk i used to be half a decade ago a life where the high point of my week is embarrassing myself in front of my therapist with incoherent rambling like the kind youre reading right now a life where i take my pills every morning with the futile hope that maybe one day i might not have to feel this way anymore ,1
wondering why life is worth living i have not been diagnosed with depression nor do i think i have depression despite the thoughtsi amhaving however i think my thoughts would be suitable to post in this subreddit since these are the types of things you guys talk about often i havent been hating life but i see no point in it everyone arounds me preaches the gift of life but i dont see how it has any value and death is extremely desirable for me no more worrying or working or feeling bored or feeling sad just nothing i suppose you could consider it ultimate laziness but i see no shame in that i fantasize about death and committing suicide on a regular basis id just be interested in hearing other peoples opinions as to why life has any reason to continue it living so that i can make others happier doesnt count ps a lot of you might recommend that i see a therapist but ive gone over the rules and the law of confidentiality doesnt apply for expressing suicidal thoughts and i dont want my family to be contacted nor do i want to be hospitalised as they phrase it,1
19 yo suicidal girl i dont want to spend 77 years of life battling a cycle of depression and anxiety i just dont wanna be here anymore,1
the conclusion of me the silence is loud louder than anything ive ever heard it pierces my ears and impregnates my mind it tells me about myself i drown it out with the loudest angriest music i know i dont know if i feel emotion anymore i search for the disgusting and disturbing to prod my heart i want it to beat again i want to feel the warmth of my blood flowing through my veins it works for a short period but i amslowly becoming desensitized i shock myself with my own thoughts if the inner workings of my mind are a representation of my soul then i am malevolent i crave violence and hatred i wish i was more hated than i am because then maybe these feelings would be justified but i amloved by all who meet me i hate being loved i deserve nothing and no one to my daughter esli if your mother loves you at all she will find someone worthy of your love and hers and she will omit me from your past i never deserved either of you ive already missed most of your life because of work at this point i wish i could see you go to your first day of school words dont do justice to the amount of love i have for you and your brotherto my son bronson youre not old enough to know me which is fortunate for youi am sorry i will never be there to teach you about life or sports or girls you deserve a much better father than i could ever be your first birthday will be about the timei amsupposed to come home from this deployment i only got you for a month but every second was worth holding you and your sister and seeing you both smile and laugh i love you an unfathomable amountto my wife kristen i took your youth away from you by starting a family with you when we were seventeen and eighteen and making you believe that i was normal for years the three years weve been married were the only times in my life that i felt anything remotely close to happiness this sickness has haunted me since i was a child and i desperately wanted to be a normal happy person but i am too disgusting to deserve that i want you to know that nothing i feel is your fault nor the kids fault its just the cards ive been delt i want you to find someone who will make you happy because you deserve to be happy with someone who is genuinly happy and will dance with you and will be there for the kids instead of being gone for for several months or even a year at a time nothing i could ever do could make me deserve you any of you the guilt i feel for leaving you with a three year old and a six month old may be enough to kill me before i can whatever love ive ever felt has been for you three ,1
ive given up again two nights ago i went home after midnigh took a pair of scissors and cut off most of my hair kids never try this it looks awful i went to the barber the next morning cause i sucked at cutting my own hair it was stupid me and my friends were all happy but then i just felt lost i just suddenly felt that lack of control over my life suddenly all my bad memories came back like a tidal wave crashing down on me and the whole world felt so loud to me and thats when i took my scissors and cut away three months ago i already decided to cut myself off from all my friends because all i ever cause the people around me is heartaches sadness and wory i keep messing up i just want to cut it all off cut myself off from this world so that it could me send me into the bin i was meant to be ini amjust going to try one more time to end it all before the year ends ive got my eyes set on an exit to finally end this unending cycle ,1
i dont want to die but i think i need to ive fucked up so much i screwed up my studies and i dont think i will ever graduate college because i keep failing classes i hate my major i feel like its the hardest major in the school and i shouldve switched out when i could have i know my parents love me but theyve pretty much given up on me they thinki ama compulsive liar which i might be who knows and they still dont know thati am not graduating in may i also have a lot of friends who care about me and i know killing myself will make them all miserable and potentially screw up their lives which is why i dont want to i want to get a job and get married and have kids and die happily old what i want is to be able to get a well paying job without a degree but i dont think thats possible what i want is to run away and figure my way through life but i cant live with myself disappointing my loved ones which is why i need to die i often find myself wishing that i would die in a car accident or develop a disease like cancer but thats not going to happeni havent picked when yet i want to be able to tie up all the loose ends to make it as easy as possible but i know nothing will make it easier for them ,1
home alone and contemplating killing myself i think about killing myself or dying in some accident or getting a terminal i willness every day i take the stairs wheni amat my schooli have a class on the 4th floor i want to go all the way to the top and jump off i just feel so hopeless and misunderstood by my family and my boyfriendi amdisgusted with the way i look to the point of feeling sick whenever i look in the mirror and i dont take pictures of myself like the average person nowadays i wish i was brave enough to get it over withi am19i dont have a job my own place a car and i dont know how to drivei ama piece of shit ,1
i cant trust my family and i have no one to talk about my problems i was raised mostly by my grandparentsall of my childhood is linked to themmy father was always kinda harsh to meand we had many problemsi tried to help out my father whenever i had the chanceany type of helpsometimes i helped only to win his favori tried to be the perfect soni salute all my neighborsim always polite and alli learned that from my gpbut stilli cant make my father to help me with my daily stuffor just to listen for a few secondshe cant give me any kind of attentionhe usually prefers to play games on his phone he owed my gps some money and he didnt gave it back since this nightwhen i spoke with grandma about my problems with himmy gm alsohad problems with himi think she is not ok thoughshe is a little bit unstable bc i told hershe got so upset that she felt very i will and called my fatheri dont know very much from the conversationbut somehow my father payed his debt to her but now he is madly upset to merepeating words from our past clashesmostly insultsno need for bad wordshe always made me feel like i was nothinglike i was his biggest shame he praised me only when i did what he wantedohand always made jokes about me in the front of his and my friends now i know that i cant trust my gps bc they always told my father about my complaints and so oni cant speak with my gpsbc they are likely to speak with my fathermy father is my main problemthe thing isthat my father always mistreated me and i always tried to love himbut i cant continue with thisi dont have any friends or other supporti feel likei amall aloneand everything goes so bad that it buries me alivei dont know if i want to live anymore bc i have nothing leftno family no friendsonly an asshole father who disappointedlied and even tricked me in every wayon a daily basis for 18 years he is the ruin of my lifemy friend and my enemy,1
every passing day i feel more and more like her retirement plan than her soni amdone i dont want to die i just want to not existi am tired of being manipulated emotionally abused and not being respectedi amheld back from leaving because they say how can i leave family but i cant do it anymore its everyday i think about now the thoughts get harder and harder to avoid i dont know what to do with myself anymore,1
not sure what to do mind all over the place sorry if this thread is all over the placei amjust really not sure what to do i really hate my life i suffer from severe depression and social anxiety but have to put on a fake smile everyday for family recently everyday i have thoughts of suicide but have never been able to actually bring myself to do it i guess i feel a bit guilty as both my parents have been diagnosed with cancer and i dont feel i have a right to end my life my dad had bowel cancer from mid 2016 but has had surgery and is doing well we then found out jan 2016 that my mum had leukemia and is currently still going through treatment but is doing goodthis however is not when my depression began i was sexually abused as a child in another country my family used to go once every few years by my cousin on multiple occasions and ended up hating going to the country but to this day i have not told my parents why i was then bullied everyday in school for 5 years i dreaded going on lunch breakssometimes i used to go to the library and pretend to read books just so that i could stay somewhere i wouldnt be punched or kicked after finishing uni i started an it job which i liked at the beginning but 2 years later the job turned crap and i vowed to leave for a better job this was the time i had found out my mum had cancer too and i quit my job to care for her and my dad but they were not too happy as theyd rather i worked that sit at home this was about may 2017 i decided to look for another job in august 2017 and found another job but i absolutely hate it i dont really want to quit it as ive just started and want to give it a chance i have been to the doctors about my depression and they gave me a different anti depressants to try which worked but in early 2017 i decided to stop taking them as i didnt want to rely on medication my whole life they referred me to a psychology team but as i had to arrange for an appointment myself i just couldnt bring myself to it as i feel embarrassed and ashamed to talk about my past lifei dont really have any best friends to talk to deeply about this as they either do not know what to say they thinki amlying about being depressed or they say you should talk to someone ive rambled on but i just dont know why i really really do not like my life i have thought about ways to kill myself but just cannot do iti amscared ,1
i just dont feel like living really things are kinda grey and unexciting i can sometimes imagine a good life like i can imagine the life of some celebrity distant not mine but there somehow it used to bother me that i couldnt access it that nothing excites me anymore it feels likei amdragging it out like i played the game and now i scroll back and forth in the creditslist i know that theres a lot i havent seen or experienced but it feels like its not for me it didnt use to be like that there was a time when i was genuinely excited and exciting where i was in awe of what was in front of me and i was willing to struggle for it even though the world looked grey to me friends told me that talking to me was like dreaming how much they loved me etc now i cant bear to see them because i bore them to death i dont have anything to say to them theres nothing i want to share with them and nothing i want to hear from them i got really good at listening and thats what i can do nothing more nothing less i dont even talk to myself i dont have any hopes any dreams left sure i have goals but i dont care about them anymore still all of this feels wrong when i met my stepgrandfather lying fragily on his bed mustering whatever he still had inside of him that his parkinson hadnt destroyed yet to talk to me which he didnt even do when his own children or anyone else came to see him it felt like he passed on his torch to me like he knew what i was capable of and believed in me in a way that makes me a fundamental character in a story to be told id end it immediately if it wasnt for the feeling thati ammissing something that i didnt connect the dots on something that would be my purpose that echoes every so softly deep inside me somewhere even though i dont feel it i dont know i just dont feel really ,1
am not okayi amdone trying,1
life insurance does anyone know if i can take a life insurance policy out on myself and leave the proceeds to a family member after i go,1
bad people exist and i am really not convinced that i should stayim pushing people awayslowly but deliberatelyi enjoy being a jerkim not even sorryim pissed when people tell mei am not a bad person because thats the rep i am working forwhen they tell me i shouldnt kill myself because of iti meanim not killing myself because of that but its not a valid reason to die to all these life addicted brainwashed fucksim pissed when they tell me i can change for better because i dont want togood peoplenice people get on my nerves so muchim pissed when people try to stay right now the last friend speaking to me isnt responding and godi amhoping she realized what douchebag i am and leftthey call me toxicabusive and guess what its like ive been awardedan exfriend recently posted a journal about what i did to them and everyone in the comments telling them theyre glad theyre done with me made me feel satisfiedive broken the law and god did i enjoy itit was the best feeling in my lifeuncontrollable glee knowing that someone will be so pissed about me doing thisi enjoy destroying myselfbe it alchoholdrugsself harmthe satisfaction of knowing i destroyed another part of this life and body is greatstop fucking justifying bad peopleyou idiotsbad people exist and they know what they arewere not lost souls that need your help to become pathetic little goody two shoes shits,1
i hate my life and its not that i feel sad its that i feel nothing i feel like the empty shell of a person how i wish i could feel something that i wish i could even feel sad but i feel nothing the only reason i ever really talk to my boyfriend now is to feel sad because at least he makes me feel something it feels like he doesnt love me anymore and he doesnt want to be with me who would ever want to be but i am still so in love with him and the feeling that he doesnt love me back makes me feel pain at least its something i just want him to hold me admire me do something to show i matter to him but i dont get that just emptiness sometimes being around my mom helps i dont have to say anything about how i feel but she knows when i need her it must be some sixth sense shell cook me a warm meal take me shopping do whatever it is to see me feel even a bit more full i dont trust anyone not even my boyfriend i feel like i will be judged or brushed off whenever i try and say something it feels like my throat is closing like my body is physically stopping itself from reaching out no one wants to talk to me either even when they knowi amhiding something it feel like they dont care enough to ask but when they do i feel nothing but judgement and it feels like people are always trying to defend themselves all i want is a wonderfully warm hug someone to hold me and make me feel like nothing else matters a long meaningful hug something to make me feel like the birds are chirping again the rain is falling slower or even just a sign thati am still living not just alive but i am dead inside and i wish to be dead all around i hate my life i hate myself ,1
id rather die in america than be sent back home growing up i always felt like an american i see this country as my home but legally ive never been an american and i know in the eyes of manyi am nothing more than a criminali amaware that i have no future either way but i would much rather die in my real home the us ,1
i need someone to talk to i feel like everyone i meet gives me the cold shoulder my friends seem to just move on without me my contact list is full but nobody wants me to be their friendi am not even a back up plan everyone else always has plans families relationships i try new hobbies and try to met nee people but everyone seems to not care about me as much as i care about them my story is so sad what do i do i know i need help,1
i made too many bad choices to recover the bad choices i made in life were not obviously bad choices prioritize school over your social life major in a stem field dont work a parttime job if you dont need the money not joining a frat not being a social butterfly changing my major etc all of this has added up to me being 26 and living in my parents basement while my friends are living fun lives awesome apartments great jobs and cute girlfriends even making some of the right choices like getting a summer internship being actively involved in an engineering design team and participating in class hasnt mitigated this i have over a dozen references who would speak the world of my work ethic intelligence and enthusiasm but it doesnt matter because most employers dont bother to check them until they made a decision at the airbnb house there are a ton of girls having fun all probably around my age working in 5570kyear easy prevent planning jobs all because they either knew how to sell themselves or knew someone within my small network doesnt afford me any leads so i am stuck with online applications which yields some dozen interviews but mostly companies who decide to pass me on because i am not 100 perfect candidate with 6 years of experience even if i did get job that even just pays above 45kyear it will still be hard to develop a ton of good friendships like people do in college and high school even harder to find a quality girl since most relationships are formed through mutual friends at one point i had a knife to my chest but was too afraid to go through with it on the other hand a quick painful death would be better than a slow prolonged torture ,1
its over ive decided ive given up thank you reddit for being my only happiness though what time i had thank you see ya later,1
ive pushed everyone away and its all my fault i honestly dont know how i got to this point but on the surface things seem to be going well i got good marks last semester and i joined a good number of clubs and volunteered in things that i enjoyed except school just started up again and i have no friends in any of my classes of my current friends theyre all too busy with their coursework to strike up a conversation the same could be said of me except i just feel like nobody gives a shit about what i have to say anymore since ive just burdened them with my venting beforehand i honestly started enough fights with my friends online that some have started to stop talking to me granted i apologized excessively they wont even acknowledge me in the hallway anymore i honestly think its my fault for all of this my depressive mood swings have honestly done enough damage to my friendshipsim just fed up with life because i knowi amjust going to end up just studying hard and accepting my circumstance thati am in i know that even if i continue to get these good marksi amjust going to be as miserable as i am moving oni amhonestly just sad since its just me playing games after a night of hard worki amjust so alone now fuck junior year so far even though it just started fuck man this rant has been too long and incoherent and quite franklyi am sorry for wasting your time if youre still reading,1
ciao wanna know what sucks typing with one hand even more typing with your nondominant hand only even even more typing with your one nondominant hand because you just got your dominant hand cut off mid forearmi bought a beretta 92 fs or whatever or my friend did for me i got one of those hollow points with the pink polymer in the middle they only sell to law enforcement except in states like this one after hurricane irma hits here i love that weatheri amouter than ricky martin out of here and out of my damn bodyever been in a wheelchair because you had to takes away your agency and dignity doesnt matter idk whyi amsaying this maybe its the alcohol and painkillers and such maybe its a sense of duty to let some know that theyre justified in their choice when theyre in dire straits like me maybe its maybelline who the fuck knowsim out i already know how i will be taken care of after death my estate goes to my friend since my family disowned me my body will be cremated and he will spread my ashes around frisco the stonewall inn in ny mount rushmore the grand canyon and so on i left him enough money to do that until he dies of old ageim out and done i love you all dont fret over me i just want you to know that life is not for every circumstance if there is an afterlife see you then i love you all,1
everyone is hurting me so my life was pretty fucked up already then i fell in love with my best friend then she forced me to lose the feelings replaced me doesnt trust me and started keeping things from me i just cant anymore especially with her because she is all that i care about and all i got ,1
might delete later i just wanted to say something some weeks ago it can be months time is going on so fucking fast lately its scary i said that the only reason to keep living was sex that immediate satisfaction you get and nothing else is real or really worth it and when sex doesnt fill you up any more then its time to go because there is nothing left i did not think the time would come so fast i thought it might be years and years of trying to get a normal life untili amtotally drained of sexual desire and by that time i would have kids and i dont want to kill myself if i have kids but no it only took some weeks whatever i still do is just me trying to get back to better times but there is always something missing its obvious that whats old doesnt work anymore but i cant think of anything new i might have reached the epitome of creativity at 1718 awesome and i amlost i couldnt be more lost and its scary i see everyone finding their place in the world and their passion and where they belong and i have nothing of thati amjust walking alone and the people that should support me the most make me feel bad for it and i dont know how much more i will be able to stand it and now i look at the two people i still take three buses and pretend that i dont hate my life for and i want to hug them and tell them that they will be everything they want to be and more because they have something to live for because theyre good and their smiles are so sincere and heart warming because they belong somewhere because they dont cry at 6 am writing suicidal things in reddit i hope they dont really mean it if they do so if i decide to really do it because i feel like there is nothing else to live for because the pressure is too high here and i can hardly breathe and death would be such a relief i just want them to know how much theyre appreciated and how i thought about them in my last times them and a couple of artists i listen to everyday and love thanks for coming into my life and i dont care if you fight you make my days better and you give me a reason to do one of the few things i enjoy that is singing,1
goodbye cruel world life is 99 suffering 1 fake pleasurei am doing it today and i amhappy and i cant waitwhy would i seek help when they tell me i need to work to livei dont want to work ever againif i have to work to live than it is best to die,1
how do i get through my days i am a college student and i feel horrible all the time and often think about suicide i have already got far behind the study schedule this is supposed to be my last year but i dont know if i am going to make it i have days i cant come out of bed at all where i cant do more than hang around my room or where i can drag myself to school but cant get any work done i try to get through school by working on the days i have slightly more energy but the bad days keep ruining it i dont see much point in life anymore i sometimes get so upset i destroy my books or cut my furniture which i always regret afterwards i am on a waiting list for a psychologist but the wait takes forever let alone being helped i wish how i feel wouldnt obstruct my life and i dont know what to do about it ,1
thinking about suicide alot hello ive never posted on reddit and rarely ever peruse the sitei am not particularly ugly or attractive i have had several girlfreiends and i am24 i hangout with alot of friends and my family life is great the problemsi amfacing seem lesser to others that post herei am sorry if this is a waste of time but i have nobody real to open up to several times in the past week ive been ready to end it all i really have no articulate reason as to why i just feel like i dont wanna live anymore i understand its hard to help someone without any problems but thats the problem i feel this way even when my life is going great i can only imagine what i will feel like when the tide shifts,1
i give upi amdone pushed away the only two people in my life who were just trying to help mei amsick of being an asshole alone and miserablei am going to go to sleep and not wake up sorry everyone for being such a failure life will be better for me not being in it editi amsuch a failure exhaust plugged windows up but i couldnt start it just another fuck up in a long string of fuckups,1
i just want to leave i m 15 and i just want to leave everything i m not in school because of depression so i just sit around all day thinking of all the things i want to do it really sucks a few days ago i went out of state for a couple days and i felt alive again now back home i feel like total shit i m doing jack shit for school and fucking up my future and it s just eating me alive i can t take it anymore i m just so useless and pathetic everyday i think about suicide i don t want to die but i really cant take this anymore ,1
such a pos i feel likei amthe biggest piece of shit right now why cant i just do it and get it over withi amsitting here with 5 knives ranging from kitchen to pocket and all ive managed to do is a few small cuts on my leg i know my stepdad has a gun and i k ow where he keeps it but i dont want my mom to find me with my brains blown out the back of my head i actually dont want her to find me at allit seems everything that i do i end up being the asshole i try to help with somethingi amthe assholei ask someone a questioni amthe assholesimple things like accidentally forgetting to replace the trash bag becomes a giant fight and you guessed it i amthe assholeim tired of being lonely and tired of feeling like shiti amdone,1
planning i just moved and i amstruggling to make connectionsi amrelying too much on my boyfriend i have no job or friends of my own my depression has come back worse than ever beforei amplanning my suicide i give myself 3 weeks,1
ama bit lost what are you supposed to say when you feel this way i dont know how to start,1
my depression is crippling mei am26 female and this year my dog died in february she was the only family i had who loved me i am a uni student long distance uni i have no friends and the family i have i am no longer in contact with because they are abusive i dont think that i am getting better i have ptsd since early childhood depression and anxiety are in full force every day is a struggle as i feel numb to the world my original plan was to kill myself on the 13th as it would mark the 7th month without my dogi am not coping well with the fact i dont have anything worth living for i tried to look at some work from home jobs and try to work towards getting some money and i dont see the point i feel like everything in society is unsustainable the job market being one of them also what is happening in europe frightens me i try to think positively by seeing myself stronger maybe with children 2 dogs and my so i just feel full of fear and stress for the future and at this rate i am having psychosomatic i willness and i dont want to be seen this wayi have suffered abuse from my family and traumatic events i just feel so tainted like i cant come back up from this in reality i dont know if i will do anything but i have thoughts which convince me otherwise i dont know if this is the right place for this but i just need someone to hear me i feel awful each day and there is no hope for me i feel so alone and i wish that i was nothing so i would not suffer like this every single daysorry if i dont make sense or if i am in the wrong place ,1
cant cope i just feel fucked and want it all to end got nothing and nobody in my life,1
growing pains really close to losing it _ ,1
i wish i couldi amalone there is no meaning i try to be good or even just ok and i fail at it the reason why i dont kill myself right now is becausei am not sure that i would succeed hopefully i will be able to do it in the next couple of days does anyone know how much xanax and rum it would take to kill a 62 165 pound man and if thats a bad way to die i will be honest i dont really want to experience pain or leave anything too disgusting for my family so if any insight on that was given too id really appreciate it,1
i will live my last days i have fear to leave this world but is the only option i have i cant bear anymore the sadness the pain and the emptiness are much for me i have to die i dont want to be here anymore i will just finish my last period in my college finish some animes and videogames then i have to say goodbye to this world i love life and is so much painfully for me be alone all the time and i know its my fault but well i just dont have strength anymore i dont want to see anymore how people is happy and i am a outcast i have nothing and i dont know but die is the only peace for me now sorry for my bad english ,1
has anyone here ever had experience in a group home my best friend is in the hospital after another suicide attempt theyre medicating her poorly but want to send her to a group home because shes not getting better shes only been there for a week but whateveri amscared scared that shell be worse off scared that shell get more depressed and scared that shell be stuck in there forever,1
last chance this will be the last chance i give to life in 2 weeks a friend will visit me and i am so afraid that she wont be able to like me anymore once she saw me in person i cant live without friends i need to know that there is someone who cares about me,1
my suicidalty is genuinely the most positive part of my life i am not depressed i am currently healthy both physically and mentally and yet my constant thoughts of self harm and suicide are just as strong as they have been for the entirety of my waking life and i am super happy about themive made a few posts on here about how i was confused and irritated by them in the past but after having some time to rest and recuperate i feel completely sold by my thoughts to end my life i feel like my body should logically be destroyed and its now pretty much objectively the right idea for me whether that is by my own hand or in a situation where someone else kills me if someone pulled a gun to me and shot right now i would feel pretty content about my painful end to my life and it saves me the effort of doing it myselflife is really fun and i enjoy the company of my friends as well work is satisfying too but none of it is such that i need to carry on living to see or do any more of it i just feel satisfied in what i have to do to myselfi guess the only reasoni amstaying around is that it is currently a right faff for me to die right now i got a couple if boring things to get organised and then i will be free to do whateveri know it feels weird me posting this reasonably inspiring story on here but i guess its just that i want to vocalise it around people who wouldnt be immediately weirded out or just mindlessly telling me to call a suicide hotline also i feel its nice to let the community that allowed me to be comfortable and happy with my suicidalty know about where i got in the endthanks for the help ,1
life will never satisfy me ive suffered too much goodbye,1
amback again my girlfriend left me today my minds on suicide again i need help again id rather not bother anyone anymore so if someone isnt busy i think id like to attempt to talk about iti amcontemplating just taking some pills to sleep soon so sorry if theres no responseever sorry if i wasted anyones time,1
please darkness starts to seep in as my walls break the walls that have kept me sane these past few years truth isi am so damn tiredi amdrowning in insecurities anger envy sadness what once made me happy does no justice for me anymore what once were my goals seem unreachable nowi want to live i do but that thought wavers when everydayi amfinding it harder to see a reason for me to keep living i feel thati amjust a nuisance to everyone ,1
i focused on my career and failed at that as well yup nothing left but ashes and dust give me pityi amaddicted ,1
just cant cope i literally wake up put on a happy face with friends but wheni ambuy myself i cant fucking cope i just cant carry on feeling so bad every waking moment breaking down all the time not knowing how to get a single bit of joy out of life abused by my father for 9 years and losing my only rock in life my mom wtf am i going to do with myselfi amfucking dying on the inside everyone has it so good and i can barely function as a human what is the fucking point anymore but maybei amjust pathetic and being a baby i dont know anymore,1
whenever i feel like everything seems to be going well something stupid happens and brings me back to reality everything seemed to get apart i started working out cured my acne getting good grades feeling a bit more happy over the past month but now after spending some time with my friends i just realized how much no one cares about me even my own sister who i thought was the only person who really loved me turns out she doesnt give a shit about me either i personally dont care if i live or not i just dont want to hurt anyone if i kill myself and for some reason i still feel like i would hurt some people which i really dont want to thats really the only thing that keeps me away from doing it,1
i want to disappear i havent felt like this for a few months i forgot i could even feel like this but nowi am in bed crying my eyes out unsure of what to do right now the only person whos keeping me grounded is my dad but if i ever lose him i dont know what will happen to mei am so depressed right now i dont want this i just want to go to sleep please help me,1
ive stopped myself from ending it tonight the rope still sits around my neck and my note is written outi amjust feeling like shit thats all i can say ive got loads of things that i can mention and i can write all things thats wrong with my life and feel sorry about myself for a bit but in all honesty i just feel crap ive felt like crap for years but i finally want to give upi am tired of being tired all the timei amsick of being angry and depressed with life i just want it to end but yet again i stopped myself because the overwhelming feeling of guilt what id do to the people i left behind but its getting to the point where i want to be selfish i want to just think about myself for once and finally be at peace,1
i can feel myself slipping away again i tried killing myself almost half a decade ago but it didnt work out the way i wanted it too honestlyi amthankful for all the extra time that ive had there were lots of good memories that i wouldnt have gotten to have if i had died that night and great people that id have never knownbut i still feel the same way i did before its been sitting in the back of my mind all this time sometimes barely noticeable and other times almost consuming my thoughts but always there and nowi amfinding myself winding down the same fucking path as last time pushing people away spending all my time alone slowly losing all motivation to carry on living an okay life and theres no reason for it nothing set it off theres been no noticeable change in my life up until i started slipping away and its going to ruin meive never wanted to kill myselfi amscared by the idea of it but i have wanted to die for as long as i can remember and i know that i can go through with it with a lot more success than last time but ive been holding on and i am going to keep holding on as long as i can because part of me hopes that if i just wait my mood will come around again and balance itself out like it usually does i feel likei amrambling but i dont have many people in my life i can be open to about this sort of thing and typing all of this out has been a little therapeutic thank you for reading this,1
why shouldnt i just do it i cant find any reason not to kill myself except that it would be selfish and might hurt people around me but that doesnt make sense why should i care for people around me and stick around living in my own shell of fears and pain and not listen that whisper in the back of my mind telling me everyday to just slit my wrist why why shouldnt i just listen to that voice why do i have to care about what other people would feel when i decide to end my life,1
a all around failure first my mom a amputee from the knee downmy dads a sheet metal worker at 56 years oldi am21 never had a job and dropped out of school in the 8th gradei have dyslexiai got 2 brothers both better then me they have a family a car a houseall i do is drag everyone down with mei cost more money then there kids do should i do it to help them,1
i choose suicideagain heres why i guess this counts as a suicide noteim not depressed or i will or disabled i have a job friends a home i want to diei was a kid who never did fit anywhere single parent poverty bad estate and high functioning autism made sure kids especially girls didnt like me primary education i hated so boringas a teenager school was easy and being top of english made life simple but people liked me for what i did not who i was scars ran deepi turned down my first love as my home life was a joke my mother married a chronic alcoholic maybe my biggest regret hurt for yearsi never realised my potential barely attended college got a position in a major government dept at 19 and was the youngest in its history to hold it but i was immature missed home felt alienated in the city so resigneddating was a joke thank god for hookers girls showed no interest i could stand in clubs for hours and never be approached telephone dating was more miss than hit with few second dates got in a five year relationship went to part time courses with her and was talked into going to university as i did so wellshe cheated on me3 timesi ended it never scored once at university never lived up to my potential though i graduated felt ugly and second rate so drank too much but sobered up after graduation had to work also to support my familymotherbrother little time or money for extra activities joined police never truly liked it much though i was good quite a few disliked me despite my impressive stats made the classic error of getting involved with a colleague i fell in love withwho used me to get her ex back then avoided me id left my girlfriend so as to be fair then that same colleague got caught doing something and blamed me i resigned in disgust just shy of my 5 year anniversarymoved back home and rebuilt my life even started a social club made friends but couldnt date as a result of the above just had fun got a council job i really enjoyed for years then i rejected a woman who then set out to get me fired along with her friends my mother had a stroke and took 9 months to die i had a breakdown and the situation at work worsened leading to a manager nearly punching me and two camps aligned with me or her things worsened i had to leavestarted again within a year got a good government job good colleagues easy work great conditions a much younger girl stunningly pretty made it clear she liked me from the start i made my next big mistakei ignored her after everything it seemed wisebut my attraction grew as hers waned now were pretty alienatedpeople there call me intelligent and wise i feel neither i feel like a fraud everyone likes me bar the one i really want to typical i know that was my last best chance at 46 blew it i will always be second rate and second bestlast year i decided to end it with n joined exit and imported from their chinese supplier took 15g with antiemetics oramorph and alcohol survived and went through hell in icu brother and friends rallied round as did work they thought it was a stroke i recovered amazingly quickly no lasting damage i lost two stone and hit the gym to recuperate best shape now in years women notice me now when it no longer matters ironic i wished i had succeeded tired of hearing about this unwanted miraclei gathered legal drugs to end it all planned my final weekend that friday my house caught fire and destroyed most of my stash living room destroyed for 3 weeks i was a refugee in my own life now i have a flat while my house is repairedill end it all hereive seen psychiatrists nurses crisis team sessions with a counsellor 2 doctors and a locum and even a police intervention id to my best friend my intentioncouldnt be his best man now and he spread it my brother has disowned me as weak he thinksi ambeing looked after by somethingoneall agreei am not mentally i will or even depressed put it down to cognitive disorder i just remember being so peaceful and happy the first time ready to die slept happily after dosing then again in er when i felt myself slip away into blacknessi feel this life is empty no viable option attracts me it feels vaguely revolting to be here i am always somehow able to fail despite my aptitude nowin situations are rife this girl at work exemplifies this what i want i can never have like shes there just to remind me i dont belong here my living this long is a mistakei just wish to cease to exist to leave on my own terms and time of my choosingits about control the only true control i have that mattersmaybe only i think like thisbut i hope others know these thoughts they may have arent bad or wrong they may be right in the circumstanceim finished,1
ama compulsive liar my parents are waiting at home i need to end this now i lied about my education my work and i dont really know wats wrong with me i tried hanging myself today morning i need you to help me i cant face them i lived with them all my life now i cant face them i must die i need to talk to someone to tell them the truth i wanna speak the truth please,1
how to help a severely depressedsuicidal friend my best friend tried to kill himself 3 months ago he struggles with depression but once medicated can be fine for years on end he takes breaks from his medication occasionally to prove to himself he doesnt need it to function its worked a few times where hes unmedicated for a few years with no problems this last bout of depression without medication ended with him taking a cocktail of pills we found him in time and took him to the er the only way for him to be released on his own recognizance as opposed to being committed to a state run facility was to go back on medication and follow a strict outpatient program with counselingtherapyhe was doing so great for a few months i was super happy he spoke positively about therapy and really seemed to have a new outlook on life hes got an incredibly supportive network of friends and family lately he seems to have fallen back into the behavior patterns leading up to the suicide attempt isolation canceling clients at work self employed small business owner staying up all night doing cocaine etc i just cant understand why with all the positive changes he made after his attempt this is happening again hes always managed fine on medication previously which makes me wonder if hes even taking it regularly long story short hes pushing me away and i am so so worried that another attempt is imminent i dont know how to handle it or what to say or do i give him his space and offer to listen if and when he feels like talking i just feel like its not enough and i amscared to death of losing my best friend thanks for any advice ,1
life fucking sucks fuck life if there werent a few things in it that made me happy i wouldve offed myself a longass time ago but i amliterally garbage to employers fucking useless i provide no usefulness to society employers would rather hire a literal piece of shit than me what the fuck is the point of applying to jobs if you dont even get a goddamn response why even fucking bother when i have literally nothing to offer looks like my previous work experience doesnt mean shit and my degree might as well be toilet paper because i majored in something fucking useless and to add on to all of thati am too depressed to even try learning new skills or apply to jobs aint that just fucking grand i just wanna fucking die,1
maybe i should be dead i am 19 years old my parents died for cancer in the space of last two years i have no family nothing and i was abused the whole life by my mother i am also here by accident so i guess everything is trying to say to me that i was not meant to be born now i understand goodbye,1
am not depressedi am angry my suicidal thoughts have evolved from being depressed to just being anger towards life its not the same as when your sad this is much darker i could never harm a soul but i dont know how to continue to go on i turn 21 on 914 life is just starting but is it honestly worthit i cant control my feelings anymore i just want people to support memy actions i feel like i have nothing to live for i recently been able to distract myself with a couple of hobbies but the thoughts are still there i need people to talk to anyone ,1
its my fault ive made it through a lot and i am really fucking done at 17 ive been raped molested by a close family member survived 2 previous suicide attempts and destroyed my college chances with drugs and alcohol i have no one to talk to right now my ex girlfriend of over two years left me because i was too depressing and since then ive faced nothing but rejection someone give me something to live for becausei amdrawing a blank i just want to start over ,1
yesterday i tried to kill my self by drowning myself help why would you do that bro,1
i took 60 150 mg lyrica about 30 mins ago and i havent felt anything did i do something wrong you there,1
i really need help or just someone to talk to and i just dont know um i really just dont know how to write like an intro for this shit but like i guess i am just going to dive right into it i am at college and i hate it the school that i wanted to go to is in my hometown where all of my friends went i am like 5 hours away and i know nobody at this school my friends are all having the time of their life while i am stuck at this shitty school full of rednecks and racists who only give a shit about drinking and partying while i actually love that shit i am not about it here just not my fucking thing especially with these people i worked at a job over the summer that required me to live elsewhere so i didnt see my family very much at all since after graduation i miss my fucking family and friends so much and i just want to see them but they wont come down to visit me not only that a girl that i really like and the only girl i actually have feelings for wheni am100 sober just kind of told me that she isnt interested this is a theme with any girl that i like i just dont know what to do and i dont know how to type it out but yeah theres a reason why i am here i just need some sort of like confirmation of my existance or i dont know just help ,1
amfeeling worse and worse dailyi ameasily hated and i deserve iti am an annoying piece of shit and i cant even change as everythingi amhated for i cant change my few friends are even starting to hate meevery day i get more and more lonely and i amto much of a pussy to tell anyone irl i also feel anxiety every time i talk to people now as the constant worry of them hating me are echoing through my head and i try to repress it but its just making it worse music is somewhat therapeutic for me though but even that can make me feel worse thinking how far theyve come whilsti am still some nobodyevery day i see a new headline saying insert name here has died in murder car accident suicide etc and i feel jealous knowing that they at least have some peace loneliness is one of the worse feelings to experience as the further you fall down the harder it is to recover it feels like a song on repeat but it gets worse by every replayi have some online friends i guess but i am still to nervous to tell them even how much worse ive gotten these couple daysno one will notice thati amdepressed asi am still faking being the happy outgoing and semiself deprecating self,1
suicidal ideation this is not what i thought my life would be i had a full on suicidal breakdown two days ago and instead of killing myself i called a friend for help it was the worst decision ever and i honestly still want to die i honestly dont know what to do anymore,1
what am i to do suicidal ideation i am losing the will to live i am a widow at 23 just had to spend my 1 yr anniversary alone i married the perfect man and i ruined my whole life in one day in one week i lost my husband career physical health mental health many friends and all self confidence all of this started with a car wreck i havent been working for months my job is sore at me my friends who were there for me have abandoned me due to my own isolation or lack of motivation to help me my career means nothing to me and i dont even want to be in the same field i have a masters and i dont want it anymore i used to be happy and now i can barely be bothered to get up and take a shower in a day or maintain a healthy diet i hate myself i just want to die i feel like i should have died from the wreck too my life is a never ending shit fest where i get guilt tripped into living fuck these people who get to be bystanders at the glorious trainwreck that is my life oh icing on the cake i am facing felony manslaughter charges for my husbands death as well i hate my life i just want to hurt myself but i am an unmotivated coward the only thing that keeps me going is the distractions i find like online shopping and cleaning and getting rid of anything that reminds me of my previously happy life that was actually going places do your worst reddit,1
amstuck in this placei ama ghosti aminvisible to most of the people at my school only a few acknowledge my presence and even fewer people talk to me i feel forgotten everyone is out having fun with each other and here i am on my couch typing this while listening to music i wish everyone at my school wasnt fake acting like people dont exist until they cant take it and kill themselves or die unexpectedly ive seen it all ive seen it with two people and only one is still brought up its because he was in a club at my school the other is probably forgotten by everyone elsei amprobably going to leave tonight if i do i want those at my school youll know who you are to not be begging for attention because the two guys i normally hang out with are the only ones allowed to say that or i just want everyone else to not feel like what i have ive always been alienated by most of you those who knew me know ive been bullied just know i remembered you all to the very end i guess i could have buried the hatchet and let some things go but i didnt i dont want my funeral to be in a church i want to have it somewhere outside big enough to have at least twenty or thirty people but have enough room for more if necessary i dont want anyone just sitting and having a pity party for me i want you all to talk about their favorite stories of mei amprobably going to be online for another hour or so to make up my mind one last time feel free to talk to me if i decide not to tonight at least i will update the post edit i know i said an hour or so but i thinki am going to sleep on it tonight and see how i feel when the morning comes,1
am doing it tomorrow i have nothing to lose from a suicide attempt even if i become paralysedi live a boring live inside a house for the last 3 years and i hate most peoplei have really nothing to lose except my chainsto be honest becoming paralysed is better than working everyday from 95 i dont care about my familyi look them in eyes and tell them i will start working tomorrow but i will commit suicide,1
inch by inch have started to put it all together practicing some going through the steps making sure all goes well no surprises etc except the last step obviously since i am writing this surprised with the lack of emotions or drama i thought i would be scared or nervous or crying or sad but i am not not at all when the time comes i really believe it is going to be as easy has feeding yourself scratching an itch or putting on a shirt something you just do without thinking you just do it without a thought i am genuinely surprised with this revelation almost let down lol i am not delusional i know exactly what is happening and that i am marching towards something that is going to bring a huge amount of pain to people around me something where there is always a possibility of solving some time in the future that little light of hope is no longer good enough i dont care about possibilities anymore i want something more absolute i want something more concrete i am tired of putting forth effort and not getting anything for it and the thought of well keep trying one day it will be ok is no longer good enough i have pretty much done it all to try and fix myself and have had zero positive results not even close to being ok it is a huge disappointment i am so tired of trying that i no longer want to put forth any effort especially more effort into things i have done over and over and over for years i do wish there was something no psychologist has ever told me something ground breaking a light bulb moment that changes my life forever etc but they are all the same and say the same shit i have zero drive left all used up either a miracle happens in the next 4 months or lights out i thought my family would be enough to keep me holding on and it was for a lot of years but it isnt anymore sure i love them and they love me but love of others is not enough when you have nothing in your life to give you meaning and the feeling of accomplishment i am literally just taking up space now ,1
lmao were all done here no onem i was hoping but ids okkdoing wellthank you,1
i already know everyone is going to die i have the method and i know it will be a painful one but i feel its what i deserve and a heart attack isnt as grisly to those that would find me as other methods ,1
i am so lost i am so emotionally exhausted and destroyed it sounds silly but i cant get through the day without wanting to kill myself i dont feel good enough for him or anyone reallyi am too the point where i cant stand living ive started self harming again as well i feel like things will never get better yes ive talked to him about it it usually just ends up in fights and him telling me to stop controlling him and it has nothing to do with me ,1
nothing will ever be ok it might i cant promise you that it will but i can say it can happen i know that sometimes it seems like the dark lasts forever and that light at the end of the tunnel is going to be the train that runs us over but sometimes it really is the sunlight and we can go into it please dont do anything harmful find someone to talk to something to distract you dont hurt yourself okay ,1
ive given up recently ive given up recently becausei am trying so hard to be happy trying everything possible while trying to keep friends happy and stable on school relationships and just being friends with them but also on how i cant keep being myself anymore and that hurricane irma is coming for mei amthinking of just going outside during it and hoping i die quick i dont own a gun forgot to buy rope and dont really wanna go through a slow death in which i could get saved idk what to do anymore,1
ive been punishing myself again i havent done this since i was 15i am19 now and i need to do it againi am worthless and i deserve it what i do is i turn the water to the hottest setting and let my back burn i know i deserve it ,1
i am happy but i want to die my life is good and i enjoy it but i would rather be dead i am 16 i dont have a job and i love school my life isnt bad or hard why do i want to die i have not eaten or drank anything for 40 hours in hopes for an easy relatively painless death i wish i would die faster what should i do,1
suicidal thoughts,1
blackmail pushes to suicide hello guys 18yoi amnew here and i ampsychologically exhaustedi am really thinking about suicide i me few months ago a girl on a website from a foreign country we started to talk a lot and this until today nearly a year she told me she was major in university nothing special then after many talks we started to have feelings and started a long distance relationship she was shy and never sent many pics but she totally looked like a young adult our relation became very serious with family involved projets about future and live together of course we went to talk about sex and had sexual convos then i knew that she is diagnosed bdp sociopath paranoid i knew it before her lies she lied to me about everything age past experiences studies all she is in fact really younger than me her parents thought she told me but no she lied to them too this gap never bothered them me i didnt know when knew i got shocked and hurted her previous bf was 25 never bothered themproblem is her family and her father are ultra religious conservative since i was the first guy she talked sexually they push me to marry her in few years despite the fact they know she lied to me more they threaten and blackmail me if i betray her or leave her they threaten me to go to court and law her brother threaten me of death and since she is completely paranoid she thinks i betrayed and told to her father that wanna destroy me like told before despite all my efforts to explain i never betrayedim exhausted i did many things for that girl but she lied to me about alli amexhausted i cant run away except suicide i know too that her father and brother beats her with a belti dont know what to doi amexhausted and wanna die,1
what keeps you in the game so i dont want to live but i dont want to end my existence forever ive cut myself until i almost died from blood loss but i didnt ive been put in hospitals and injected with drugs that hurt but nothing changed people tell me to be grateful for things and that just makes me feel guilty ive seen psychs here in the south and they are just as insane as me reiki enery healing the power of christ ect ive tried to tell myself to be brave ive tried to be a different person tried to accept the robot i became nothing works i have two cats they are the only things keeping me alive crazy cat ladybut when you have nothing and no one to live forits easy to die my cats keep me alive no one else will take care of them you,1
how do i feel better enough to do something since april ive been spiraling downward i have to finish some classes by november but i amparalyzed by depression i dont have insurance so i cant afford therapy or medication my days are completely empty i spend most of my time in bed i take sleeping pills throughout the day to sleep away my time i just cant get motivated or interested in what i have to do i feel like its a lost cause at this point that i will never get my work done i have no friends i dont want to live ,1
got it planned out 21yo malei ammarried with 2 kids 3 years and 7 monthsi amtotally dead internally but i am not a piece of shit soi am going to blow my brains out when theyre both old enough to live on their own i feel really guilty becausei am going to waste so much of my wifes life for nothing i know theyll be taken care of becausei am in the military and if i kill myself whilei am still in my wife will get a fuck ton of moneyi am already a developing alcoholic so maybe thatll get me first,1
is anyone awake i just wanna talk,1
more of a confession than a cry for help i amwas decide for yourself i guess a sadistic psychopath i felt no emotion for anyone it was all emulated i was a flawless liar and no one ever suspected i was anyone other than who i presented as i hated most people and it made me happy to see them suffer ive never physically harmed anyone but i have ruined peoples lives for no reason other than malicei amalso a longtime user of this sub and frequently preyed upon those seeking help on here via pm i suspect some of them killed themselves because of me it wasnt my specific intention but it gave me an unrivaled feeling of satisfactioni was also a very reckless and selfdestructive person without fear i would do anything just for the experience without worrying about the consequences the law of averages caught up to me and i made the mistake that i think is going to end me i decided to transition into a woman for at the time fetishistic reasons using hormones i lied my way through potential gatekeeping told them i had dysphoria my whole life and all that it was easy a few weeks after starting hormones things got weird and only got weirder the longer it went on firstly i was always planning to kill myself while quite young because i felt like my existence was wrong it was a very vague feeling but it was intense and i had no fear of death so i just decided i would kill myself whenever life stopped being fun very quickly that feeling went away the next change was i started developing emotionally a full range of emotions i had never experienced i always thought i was very good at managing my emotions but i think i just never had any emotions to manage this wasis quite overwhelming the change that seems like its going to be my downfall is my developing emotional empathy i started to care about people and their struggles even random strangers it felt so good i would go to bad neighborhoods and give money to homeless people sit with them and listen to them talk about their lives it made me happy to make them happy and thinking about their pain hurt me i feel likei amfinally turning into a complete person i didnt understand how empty i was because i never had anything to compare it toalong with this emotional empathy though was something else that i think wont stop escalating until i either kill myself or have a psychotic break i started to feel guilty about the kind of person i was before and what i did and it keeps getting worse and its already unbearable on top of this ive started getting flashbacks of childhood trauma and my sanity is slipping rapidly i want to kill myself again for these new reasons but hilariously there are people in my life i now care about who would be crushed if i did if anything can be described as poetic justice its this i imagine i could detransition but i never want to go back to how i was physically or mentally i dont expect sympathy or even belief from anyone but i wanted to type this out anywayi am sorryi am sorry for everything i never want to hurt anyone ever again i wish i had never hurt anyone i wish i could take it all back but i cant and nothing i can do will ever make up for it and i am sorry this guilt is destroying me and i cant express how sorry i am ,1
my mom and my dog are the only reasonsi am still here i just need to vent because my mom will have a panic attack if i tell her i amgonna kill myselfi was abused as a child my father was a piece of shit and i amgonna leave it at that i developed depression and anxiety because of it ive been depressed and anxious since middle school had very few meaningful relationships and the only friends i made were because i did drugs with them before drugs i literally spent all of my time playing video games still no meaningful relationships and no girlfriend so i was very lonelyi went to a decent engineering college but my anxiety worsened and so did my depression almost got a girlfriend but sabotaged it like usual my first suicide attempt i called my mom and she talked me out of jumping off my 17 story dorm building i dropped out of school and got help finally lost my virginity at 20 and started feeling better about myself went back to school worked my ass offgot a dog got a girlfriend got a job at an animal hospital and then my life collapsed again dropped out and moved back home worked at the family restaurant and fucking hated myself i was still taking antidepressants but decided to try therapy too couldnt stand any of the counselors i went to so i gave up second suicide attempt i downed a bottle of whiskey and a bottle of pills but i freaked out halfway through and made myself throw everything up i made some friends and started going out and drinkingdoing coke with them sent me into another depressive episode spent my 24th birthday sitting alone on the beach at night with a razor blade in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other reached out to my ex to see if she would take my dog after i was dead and she talked me out of iti moved to atl in hopes of going back to school but discovered that my dad withdrew one of the student loans he took out for me without telling me the payment defaulted and now i owe the school 20000 if i ever want to go back to school its a long story but everything he did was legal so he just fucked me because i was stupid enough to trust him at the time nowi amthousands of dollars in debt i just got fired from my job because i was so miserable i have 200 in my bank account and my car payment is coming up i doubt i will even be able to pay for my meds this monthi amhungry and i just want to fucking diei cant find the strength to kill myself though ive started looking for people to take my dog so he has a home afteri amdead but the thought of losing him outweighs any thought of suicide it would break my moms heart too she helped me through this and cares about me but i wake up every morning wanting to diei amnumb my world is greyi am trying to get a job so i can fucking eat again but i amstruggling and i dont know what to doi dont care if nobody reads this i just needed to get it off my chest,1
it doesnt matter anymore doesnt matter cant talk irl because physical violence cant take steps online because my crude language and my hatefull nature,1
i feel broken and demotivated and would like to hear about someones success story of how they overcame chronic suicidal urges i just need some inspiration rn or maybe even a blueprint to go off of,1
upseti am tired of life i need some tips to get better cuz nothings going better it feels like itll never be okay please help,1
depressed for two months now i am a teen with highfunctioning depression and everything is getting too much for me to be able to handle i have attempted suicide one time on july 28 by almost overodosing but i talked to a hotline and luckily didnt do it tuesday night i was very close to overdosing again and last night i considered cutting my wrists i have alot of suicidal ideation my family emotionally abuses me and i have no support so please dont tell me to tell my family suicidal ideation scares the hell out of me please does anyone have any suggestions on how to keep fighting this because i am seriously at the end of my rope ive been depressed for two months now and i dont think it will ever get better because what causes it wont changei am really down on my luck and so terribly hopeless and depressed i cannot explain the pain i am feeling i self harm also and cut last night any help is appreciated ,1
feel worthless need a second opinion ive never been especially motivated to my repeated peril but recently last 4 months or so ive completely and wholly lost interest in anything and anyone i feel utterly shattered all the time and can barely get out of bed let alone go outside i spend almost all of my time either sleeping watching classic films or on the internet usually drinking at the same time my family are tolerating it for now but i suspect that they wont forever and i already find it draining to interact with them on a daily basis naturally i venomously loathe myself for being so useless and passive about everything and of course all of the usual suspects no prospects no experience no friends purely thanks to myself etc etc the only occasional bursts of energy are when i spontaneously break something or hurt myself like a child just as an outlet i keep having a recurring dream in whichi amlocked in a dark room with only a noose and a chair i spend a fair amount of my unlimited free time researching methods of suicide and am currently deciding between co and opiate overdosethe worst part is thati ampainfully aware of how good i have it compared to other people with parents that would let me just lie about for months whilst barely complaining its a horrible feeling hating yourself more than anybody else and hating the fact that youre too lazy to do anything about it even morei dont even know whyi amposting this apart from i feel that i cant go on like this for much longer something has to break and i suspect that will be me,1
i dont want to be a disappointment my dad died very suddenly 3 years ago my whole life ive worked so hard at school because i knew how important it was to him he told me university was the best time of his life and he wanted that for me he left a bunch of money in my name specifically for my educationi amfinally here and i ammessing everything up for myself ive always had an anxiety problem and its gotten so much worse since i started i try really hard to force myself to go to all these orientation events and social opportunities just to stand there staring at my feet it feels likei amparalyzed with fear i cant handle living in residence i need time to be alone i dont even feel comfortable crying becausei amworried someone else will hear me ive probably spoken about 2 sentences total to my roommate and he probably thinksi aminsane i feel so trapped and claustrophobic all the timei am already stressed about the work i have to do for classes and its only going to get harder dropping out isnt an option hed be so disappointed i really just want to end it all so i dont have to feel this pressure anymore ,1
cant get up and put a mask on i have class in 1 hour and i cant do it i promised myself i wasnt going to skip class this semester but i am in so much pain and exhaustion after binge eating to the point i couldnt breathe i threw up unsuccessfully and chain smoked i hate myself i hate this i cant get out of bed and put myself together for another class and thinking about everything i need to do makes me want to end it the 5th level of the parking garage seems high enough,1
am not sure if i still want to live sometimes i feel like i just want to kill myself my life seems sort of good like i go to one of the top schools in my country and i win awards and stuff but i amjust sick of everything it might seem petty but i just need to get it out thereim sick of my parents always being on my back for not doing well even though i am by most standards they want me to come first in everything but its impossible anything good i do they never say well done they always just put me down for being bad at something ive never been great at sport but i have i do it because its compulsory at my school and my parents always tell mei amuseless to the team they are so over the top with their parentingi am not even allowed to watch tv on any day they literally take the plug out and hide it just so i study they dont let me have a life and it shows at schooli amjust sick of it alli am not even sure if i have friends anymore at school either i dont feel like i fit in with anyone ive been showing up to school looking more and more depressed and everyones giving me weird looks i think ive lost friends over the last year because of how depressed i seem ive tried cutting myself twice before and the release of pain made me feel so much better but someone at school saw the scars so i stopped because i dont want to go see the counsellors at schooli am sort of overweight and fat for my age and height i used to eat a shit ton more whenever i felt depressed but now i dont eat to punish myself for being so shiti ampretty surei am socially retarded i cant go talk to anyone except for maybe two people but its more social anxietyi am fine giving a speech in a debate or something but i amincapable of having a conversation with someonei ameven more fuckin retarded with girls even online to girls who somewhat know of my existence now thinki ama weird creep and its really depressing to think that thats the impression i give i just want people to forget of my existence because of things like this i know this rant seems really stupid but ive been feeling depressed for a long time i dont want to get help coz then my parents will be on my back again i wish i wasnt so socially useless i dont even know whyi amputting this rant on here i guess i just want to know that someone will listeni think about killing myself a lot of the time and i cry myself to sleep sometimes but i amalso afraid to kill myself and i dont know what to do,1
am so on edge i cant seem to bring myself to give a fuck about anyone or anything ive got everything planned and this is my last stand if reddit cant help then no one can id give myself 3 days at max,1
incest std psychosis depression i will keep this shorti ammatti am19 i was sexually abused by my older brother from the age 59one of my earliest memories is him ejaculating in my mouth life goes oni ama depressed loner for obvious reason meet a girl fall in lovei amprobably 14 shits good for a while but she cheats on me we have an on again off again relationship shes basically a whore but i love her and she knows i love her so she uses meturn to marijuana for relief marijuana is my best friend not your typical stoner no i love this plant i learn everything there is to know about it this plant saved my life i finally find somethingi ampassionate about i finally find something that makes me feel human then one day a couple weeks ago it turns on me and i have a psychotic break down diagnosed with ptsd and psychotic depression girl hits me up a couple weeks ago only girl ive ever been with we have sex now i have a rash in my pubic area that is probably herpes or worsemy life is a series of bad descions part of me knows its not entirely my fault the smarter part of me knows i deserved everything that comes my way i dont want to die but i amgarbage life is garbage people are garbage fuck it i think i will turn the cars on in the garage and let it all slip awaytheres nothing here for me,1
looking for help not for me but for a friend hi everyonei am looking for advicei am18 and i have a friend that was recently raped shes 17 and was drugged and taken advantage of at a partyi am doing my best to be supportive making surei amthere for her but a few nights ago i had to talk her out of killing herself she has a past history of depression and attempts and i amafraid this might push her over the edge because shes convinced her life is never going to get better please give me some advice because franklyi ampanicking and dont really know what to do to help her ,1
tried to kill myself and failed some weeks ago rope broke and nowi amleft with a huge scar on the neck thing isi amjust as before most time what i feel is just like watching paint dry on a wall a sense of boredom and nothingness with the occasional burst of sadness and anger most times coming from drinking whatever i can affordsome would say that after all of this i should be glad i failed but i dont i honestly wish rope hadnt broke i had already blacked out so it was all easy from there nowi am in the awkward position of not being willing to go through all the process again not my best experience and definitely something i wouldnt want to repeat anytime soon dont really know if looking for help just tired of all the retarded jokes from people that doesnt suspect a thing do about my scar most got to do with erotical asphyxiation and wanted to let some unknown know about my little secret,1
generic dramatic i wanna die titlei am not clear on the rules i want to die i mean my mind is made up i wont bore you all with my reasons but there is a method that seems appealing to me and would like some peoples takes on the matter but youre all like dogooders trying to keep traffic intolerable i mean i dont drive but i am that asshole who makes you wait an extra 20 seconds before you can take your right turn wrong place or shall we begin ,1
am not sure how long i can keep going i have very little social life ive tried talking to people before and i will always get turned downmy dad was wondering why and he suggested i had aspergers syndrome and he was right as i got diagnosed aspergers syndrome is where the individual misses social cues and doesnt naturally understand facial expressions or body language which is how humans mainly communicateluckily enough i have a new job where the health insurance will kick in soon and wondering if social therapy will helpi need to do something because if i donti am going to kill myself plain and simple my family isnt much help either besides my dad 95 percent of my family are broken criminals out in new york the other 5 including me are in different states,1
school is hell with school having started recently i was hoping that things could be better this yeari amon the autism spectrum and i amadhd both of which impact me in a way that increases my cognitive ability but lowers my ability to focusbecause of this people always tell me thati amsuch a smart kid and that i shouldnt be getting such low grades but no matter how hard i try and i can never make myself do any of the homework and ive started to feel likei amjust useless and its not worth me going oni know my parents and friends care about me and i dont want to worry them or upset them but i feel likei ambeing too much of a burden on them right now being in the school causes anxiety and i just cant seem to do any of the work and i think i might fail my classes againi was recently put on antidepressants but they arent helping and i just cant get rid of the voices in my head that keep telling me to end it all and not go on and thati amuseless if i continue to exist i dont know what to do,1
nobody can change my mind not even myselfi am going through with it i dont feel guilt anymore towards people i will leave behind its time,1
can we practise an abortion on a 300 months old kid please why am i so stupid ive tried them all nothing worksi am tired of people following their life plans i dont have any plans because i hate them alland more of anything i hate myselfwhat the f am i in the end a stupid embryon who shouldve been killed by the doctor before it was too late my mother before having me had an abortion why was i not that child doctor can we practise an abortion on a 300 months old child please,1
ama 28 year old loser i have nothing no job no car no money all i have is school and i am still in undergrad because i worked for so long in restaurants to make money for school i hate my hair cheeks jaw nose body shape and body in general i have nothing,1
i honestly dont see my self making it past 18 i just fucking hate lifei amhanging on for now but barely only things really keeping me going are my dogs the fact that id like to at least cross having sex off my bucket list and how shit fucking terrified i amim an atheist i know right what a surprise a reddit user and an atheist so for me death is the end no afterlife no heaven no hell no fucking 72 virgins or whatever just an impossible to fathom pit of nothingness i sometimes wish i was religious so id be less scared to end iti wish about a lot of things i wish i had close friends i wish i wasnt such a fucking jerk all the time i wish i cared about people and things in general i wish i had someone to care about with all my heart someone i cared about so fucking much that it wouldnt matter how shit my life was someone who could pull me out of this fucking nightmare and make me happy againi just dont see howi amgonna make it through the end of high school let alone uni let along fucking adult life when i just dont fucking care about anythingi truly honestly do not want to kill myself and please trust me on that ive being seeing a shrink and i amgonna see a local gp about getting antidepression meds but i just dont know how much these things are gonna help me in the long run maybe theyll get me a couple more years maybe theyll lay me the path to getting a decent atar but how the fuck are they gonna keep me going wheni ama lonely friendless cunt in a shitty rundown apartment somewhere with a noose around my neck and a flimsy chair underneath me cause thats how i see my life ending pills or notso i guess thats it really a bit of a weird rambly sort of rant rather than a question i guess but fuck it i dont carei amdepressed also please dont give me that bullshit about how ive got a long life a head of me or whatever cause thats kinda a problem i dont wanna live a long life if its gonna be shit tier garbage the whole time peacequick editi am going out for a bit so i wont be able to answer messages until tommorow probably cya,1
i cant do anything right from the moment i woke up i cried driving myself crazy contemplating how i should die and thinking how to talk to my psychiatrist so i could hopefully od my sister just yells at me telling me i cant do nothing right it took me hours to convince myself i was happy then i believed myself i was going to go on a trip do something exciting but then my sister comes me telling me i cant do nothing right i cant be home anymore i just get yelled at having thoughts in your head is one thing but once someone else says them out load they must be true i am thinking of quitting everything from life i cant do anything,1
trapped and desperate i have bipolar 2 soi amfamiliar with the rollercoaster of mood swings i am on meds but i feel more suffocated with each passing daylikei amtrapped in a corner and theres only one way out the urge to die is so strong and the violence of this feeling scares me i feel likei am going crazy likei am going to do something drastic just to get out from the cornerwhat do i do now someone please help me,1
amjust so tired playing another round of dont initiate a conversation or talk to anyone unless they talk to me first as a result i havent spoken to any friends or family in two weeks and counting i never realized how desperate i was for human interaction until i realizedi amthe only one keeping myself in each of my relationships as soon as i stop trying its like i never existed to themmy job is unfulfilling the sort of nightmare that first made me dread entering the workforce thati amthere for the money at the expense of my mental health the only things i can afford to spend the money on are rent bills etc its a cycle of pointlessnessi dont have health insurance and am not aware of any sliding scale type therapy options in my area i basically lived in the counseling center in college in hopes that id be better adjusted when i got out as much as they didnt like it id just make up something new to get myself back in there after my however many sessions ran out it wasnt healthy its been ten years and i amfinally realizing thati have to get up for work in two hours or i could just finally embrace the inevitable and never go to work again i thinki amready to never wake up againi am so tired,1
my anxiety has gotten the best of me i wont allow myself to do anything i want all i can think about is what will go wrong and how i will let everyone downi ama 23yo guy thats in fairly good shape i have a decent jobi ama musician and i feel likei ampretty sociable ive gone on a few dates over the years but the minute i start to feel close i back away becausei amto afraid to ruin a good thing i havent been intimate in 7 years and the more i feel likei amgetting better the more often i look at my life and realize how much of a waste of space i am i live in south florida everyones worried about irma but i just hope it takes me so at least my family doesnt have to hear that i did it myself,1
everyday something comes and makes it worse i cant deal with it the way my life is set up from this disorder existing and i find new things all the time that makes it worse i want my life to be over i am unhappy herei cant take medication i wish my parents had given me medication when i was little so that i would be betteri cant make and keep real friends and i am mentally unable to have a true friendshipi am too sick to be hereregular human behavior legitimately freaks me out and it feels so wrong and i am scared of everyoneim only happy if i work but i feel too desperate for friendship and attention and am too distracted to restrict myself to only workingi just want to be a happy little machine instead of someone with bs emotional needs,1
so like what now so ive posted here before a few times when things have been shit n i felt like dying but this is slightly different last night i was 100 convinced i was going to kill myself i had a plan i had the means to do so and i was minutes away from doing it i emailed a teacher that means a great deal to me saying i was so sorry that all the support given was such a privilege and i am sorry i couldnt keep going she emailed back almost instantly giving me the numbers of support lines and of course forwarded my email onto higher members of staff who contacted my parents this morning i didnt kill myself last night obviously my friend pretty much kept me in their car until i promised i wouldnt i was asked to go into school today to see that teacher who told me she had spent the entire night absolutely sobbing and did not sleep at all my heart fucking broke she begged me to go to the doctor for tablets and back to a counsellor now previous experiences with a counsellor have gone as follows your life is perfect you dont need counselling why you even herei feel like fucking shit still and 100 are still suicidal but i am not going to kill myself today i want to get better for her because it broke my fucking heart hearing her do i go to the doctors get kicked out of school like the senior members of staff are trying to do what do i do i cant keep living this life of purely survival with no enjoyment ,1
should i call the police if my best friend tells me she wants to commit suicide ,1
am not depressed i am just sick of being such a loser i want to quit because i cant figure it out what to do,1
not all that bad if you die i am quite damaged i find joys upon upon other ppl misfortune as long as i deem it not serious enough i dont care about anyone not even myself on my worse days and theres worst sometimes i got fixated on problems that will resolve with time but until then i cease to be productive and functional i have no energy to pursue things that i love theres a part of my brain that makes excuse at every opportunity that comes and gone and theres so many i got trapped both in the past and future the ghosts of yesteryear in the prison of tomorrow you can t escape the past demons but you can outrun your fate and thus in wanting to do so i become suicidal the ability to control your own fate by ending it at any time becomes too enticing to given up or maybe that s what fate has installed for me that i ll kill myself someday hopefully soon enough jokes on them though i wont be able to give a fuck if i just die out of this plane of existence please no other plane of consciousness or else the curse of being sentient for eternity would suck so bad the false i willusion of freedom is one of the worst thing imaginable your future is locked into a fix state and you can t seem to change it no one can see the walls around you except yourself you go around trying to find a way to tear it down but the walls impede your effort you realize that the source of the walls is yourself as long as you re here the walls will be there you then know one way to crash it all down but the opportunity has not presented itself just yet yeah not just yet but it will someday in a form of a gunit s hard to stay positive and think long term when i cant see what over the horizon actually that s not true i do see something all the roads lead to rome and all i see is a bullet through the temple of my head that s all i see the end of the road and theres nothing after it i want to get there so so bad though can ramble for quite a bit here but nobody cares enough for that basically i feel lifeconsciousness is a prison and i want a way out theres nothing interesting here or to be more precise theres nothing as exciting as no longer have to think about anything forever people keep saying life is a gift i say fuck that the one true gift is freedom the most intrinsic part of it robbing people their ability to end their lives is the cruelest of cruel crime ,1
i want to do it so badly and i would have already if i didnt care about the people who care about me my life was never all that great but at least it wasnt shiti am19 years old and a sophomore in college studying computer engineering a major which is fucking garbage but i dont like doing anything so i guess why not my real problems started 4 months ago but in reality have lasted over a year basically a year ago i did some stupid shit and on separate occasions tore the labrum in my right shoulder as well as jarred my back ive fixed the issues with my shoulder mostly but my back issues persist and they werent that bad until 4 months that ago but then they really started to pick up and i spent my whole summer lying on a heating pad while my friends were enjoying their summer going to the beach and amusement parks and such ive tried to get help for my back but its to no avail they say i have a muscle strain which is fucking bullshit my dads a doctor and he also doesnt believe that a 19 year old can have any serious back problems or at least thats what he tells me he tells my mom behind my back that i probably have spondylosis an incurable back disorderi amjust so fucking done i cry myself to sleep every night wishing i was dead the quality of my days are based on how my back feels and the grandmafriendly isometric exercises that ive been doing for weeks and are supposed to help my back pain are worthless i was so happy and healthy a year ago now ive lost at least 10 pounds and spend most days wondering why i bother trying to continue i love my family too much to kill myself but it still seems worth it to me wheni amat my worst i dont know what to do i dont know who to talk to i just want to lay on this heating pad and pass away quietly in the night,1
i am donei amover it i do not want to live anymorei am tired of trying to do my best and life seems to constantly deal me shit hands i first became depressed when i was 13 am 24 now i went through most of secondary school with depression because various amounts of different people bullied me once i finished school at 16 i thought it would get better but when a new door opens in my life i feel like copious amounts of shit comes with it id always had a reason to be depressed or to cut myself up until a year ago last summer was hard for me 2016 was a shit year for me the best part of the year was when i went to a music festival id taken a fair amount of drugs at this festival and once i got home to my family the comedown was intense and made living at home real shit for a week after that week it didnt get better the festival blues are a real thing mixed in with a comedown and already underlying depression was not a nice combo my relationship with my parents deteriorated a lot and i was on the brink of becoming homeless i moved out of my parents house as it was become homeless or eventually commit suicide i moved in with some friends and had such an incredible couple of months things went south with a housemate and there was a lot of tension and a lot of arguments we had some other peeps move in and everythings great ive never actually been in such a good home situation in my adult life before i dont feel particularly depressed sure a bit down but nothing to what ive experienced previously i hate this world i hate our species and i hate our existence this whole world is driven by money and your life is gonna be fucking terrible without iti amdone with working a shit job for bog standard money and getting shit on left right and centre by bosses i want my life to amount to something and i know it never will i cant even find a man thats attracted to me and wants to be with mei amfinding it harder and harder everyday to come up with a reason to carry on my life i dont want to upset my family the thought of that breaks my heart but i amphysically and mentally tired of trying to fight the same battle after 11 years my family dont deserve the death of their daughter and my friends dont deserve a death if a friend i cant carry on this wayi am sorry that this is long i cant tell anyone this ,1
i spent all of the last night thinking about killing myself throwaway account for obvious reasons i dont know what is wrong with me i keep having episodes where i go from happy and interacting with people normally to a terriblewell i dont know what to call it its a very dark place in my mind and once i go there it feels like i am sitting in an echo chamber and every single selfdestructive thought i have ever had is being hurled at me i will go from talking normally to people to being convinced that everybody hates me and tolerate me only because they cant say that to my face in maybe 5 minutes and then the suicidal thoughts will come flooding in how i should kill myself as nobody cares about me how my death will make everybody happy because then they wont have to deal with me last night was the longest such episode i have had yet it lasted well into today morning meaning i have been unable to do any work which just adds onto the stress once before when i had an episode like this i talked to my big sister about it she being one of the few people i would trust enough for something like this i didnt tell her then that i was suicidal thoughthis morning i told her that i told her remember how i am down in the dumps from time to time well i have suicidal thoughts to go along with them her response was its disgusting when people think of ending their lives for no reason at all i dont know why i am posting all this here and what i am expecting to happen all i know is i spent last night in hell trapped in my mind with no way out and i have no one to talk to about it and i am scared of when the next such episode will come along because last night was also the closest i came to actually jumpingplease somebody help me,1
a i dont really have anything to live for harvey lost me my job my car and damaged the place i was staying at i havent been in a relationship since high school which is something like eight years mostly because i was homeless but also because i have issuesive never done one of these things because ive never seen the point its not like complaining to the internet will change anything from what ive seen it tends to be the equivalent of prayers and hope and i know that sounds cynical but at this pointi ampretty jaded when it comes to lifeim just exhausted drained if you willeveryone keeps telling me itll get better but when also why does it always come from people who have their lives at least somewhat togetheri dont expect anything to come of this but i figure the least i can do is give it a shotin case you were wondering if i feel any better after venting i feel about the same but a little more ashamed,1
time to die i guess it has been a long 17 years,1
my fatherinlaw committed suicide this morning he was 75 had health issues he shot himself in his front yardi am looking for advice on how to tell my 2 daughters age 11 and 13 they knew he was in poor health do i tell them the truth or would it be wrong to lie and just say he passed away due to his health issues,1
hate me i hate who i ami hate what i do i hate how bad i am at everything i hate how little i mean to anyone including myself i hate how i m one step away from killing myself but i just can t seem to stepi hate all of this,1
boy who cried wolf 14f me and my mom got into a fight because i told her that i felt like my sister was favored i told my dad that so he texted her and that i wanted to die shes sent me to the psych ward before and knows it made me worse so she says i will send you away to the psych ward she then said that i dont care about any one else in the family and thati amselfish and difficult i told her ifi amthat much of a burden i will be gone so after that she told mei amthe boy who cried wolf and thati amsaying it to manipulate her guess what the boy who cried wolf is dead and maybe soon ifi amlucky i will be too i will prove to my mom thati am not lying if i stayed alive itd be worsei amsick of life and everything sohey why noti amjust born as a burden to everyone around me i dont even see myself to grow up into the career i want dont say what you usually say ive already heard it you have a future dont kill yourself stay strong i deal with the same thingsi amgoddamn tired if there was actually anything to live for i wouldnt feel this way ,1
i wish i could live inside suicidewatch subreddit with all of you what i said,1
amdone school is making me want to die i ve been depressed for over 2 years and i just can t i already was in the hospital once for a week school doesn t care about me so why should i life is pointless anywayi m understanding why people smoke cigarettes hoping to get lung cancer one day maybe,1
its hopeless isnt it i dont need to be alive any longeri am22 but i dont believe this is a problem to do with my youth ive been depressed for almost 6 years and ive reached my limit ive thought through all the ways i can end this without hurting the people who love me but there isnt one realising that crushed me now i have the choice to either sit through this hell or finally end the pain i feel every day i dont think anyone can understand what realising that i couldnt kill myself without hurting the people i love means only someone suffering like me knows how much that hurts its worse that hitting rock bottom because at rock bottom you have only one way to go and thats up what we feel is hitting rock bottom and to try to go up will tear your family apart i have accepted this but i dont know whati am going to do yet if your reading this then i give you my love its mostly worthless i know but its all i have left to give,1
i am moving out tomorrow i dont care if i dont have a home or a job i will live off my savings apply to jobs i am not going to do thing their way anymore,1
i need someone to talk to i dont have a single person i can speak with about the suicidal thoughts i have all day every day,1
sober no money for weed but its all thats keeping me going for the last year ive been self medicating with weed wheni amhighi ama completely different person happy even this month though its either smoke or pay rent i dont know which would be worse suicide or homelessness,1
embarrased parents have your parents ever told you theyre embarrased to call you their child well mine have when i was 14i am25 now still living in the same roof i struggle with hurting myself i have no where else to live but here i swear sometimesi amborderline close to just ending it i act very impulsive so sometimes the idea gets really farri ami too sensitive i mean is it normal for a parent to say that id call my mom a 2 face one minute shes all love and i amher favorite son when in front of company then shell talk mad shit like wtf can i send myself to psychiatric insititude like i said living here if just hurting me it fells worst then hell i have high blood pressure and sometimes i just yell into a pillow till i almost pass out which is bad but i dont know how els to release the angry for pain i also smashed me head into things idk man i need help thanks ,1
do i have anything to live for i dont know its really hard to carry oni am13 and have anxiety and depression and i amscared of everything i cant leave the house speak to anyone without having an anxiety attack school is just a spiral of thoughts leading me into darkness people say they care but do they really or do they make them selves just not feel so bad by pretending to sympathise is it just me but when people say i care or please dont do it it makes me feel worse because i feel like they have no clue how i feel and dont know what its like and when i try to speak to people and seek help tell them my problemsi ammet with that phrase which most people like me see such a cry for helpand really yes it is a cry for help of course it is why else would i muster enough bravery to speak out instead you crush what little confidence by telling the everyone i know look he cuts himself and hes depressed by the way and hes fakewheni amtold that itll get better i cant believe it my life gets worse every day my family hates me and has told me before that the biggest mistake as a parent was having you as a child they hurt me and threaten me physically and emotionally theres only really two things keeping me going one is that i just get drown my sorrows in gin and the others that after it all i have a hope in my mind that my family or fake friends will be sad ifi amgone ,1
desperately need someone my life has been fucked up beyond belief i guess i should talk about myselfi am an eighteen year old guywho is seriously thinking of suicide ive went through a lot as a kid my biological fatger abandoned me when i was five my mom remarried soon after to a very abusive guy i was beaten or fucked with mentally all day every day from 5 years old to 11 years old during that timemy grandparents were mad at my mom for moving out my grandmother cut all contact with not only my mombut me and my teo younger brothers i grew up thinking my mom was the cause of me losing my family during this period of timemy great grandmother had breast cancer this was in 2008 i was nineand i loved my great grandmother very much my mom was gonna take me my great grandmother begged us to see her my grandmother was still mad at my mom she told the staff of the nursing home that i was mentally disabled and she was afraid id hurt her my great grandmother passed away i never got to see her i never got a final i love you when the abysive stepfather left in 2010two years later my mom found a new guy i was attached to him he treated me like a son life was back to normal as my grandparents and my mom stopped fighting unfortunatelyhe committed suicide on september 2nd 2014 after years of living with us i was destroyed my mom started using heroin me and my brothers were alone for a long time we took care of each other wellmy moms clean now my brothers live at my grandparents four months agoi met the love of my life we clicked instantlyand fell in love hard well last monthi started getting more miserable and depressed she left once a few weeks ago we got back together and she broke up with me one last time two days ago i beggedcriedbargained anything just to have her back she told me she didnt think we could be fixed that shes matured and is a new person ive been smoking tons of weed for the past few days it does nothing i cant talk to my familythey dont sympathize smoking weed just distracts me whilei amblazed then once it calms downthe feelings rush back i dont want this life anymore i got accepted into college for radiology i dont want to go i will fuck it up and my family will be 30 thousand dollars in debti amliterally alone i have nothing i am nothing i have no hope i have no ambition all i want right now is her calling my baby one last time ive been abandoned and hurt my whole life i cant even sit in school anymore becausei ameither so sad or i want to rip my fucking skin apart and jump out of my body i cant take this please god just fucking stop this ,1
i am still cutting i have lost all hope for a future without the pain of depression and loss they all say it gets better but it doesnt i left high school depressed and alone i got worse i threw my future away the day i let my mother slip away i dont know what to do anymore nothing has helped me since ive picked up smoking and dont care if i die today or not i just want to be free from this guilt and pain i have held onto for so many yearsi am not asking for sympathy i just want my story told even if its on a reddit thread i want people to know life isnt fair and it isnt easy some days are better than most some days are the worst ive tried to kill myself but i am reminded of the feeling i had when my mother hung herself i could never do that to my younger sisters to find me dead in such a way will surely scare them the same way it has scarred me i guess whati amasking for is a miracle i just want to be happy and have my own family and future but its like a dark monster is always behind me telling mei am not good enough and that i dont deserve happiness and life tldr mum killed herself dad died of cancer in the same year orphaned guilty and often suicidal ,1
am i the only one with this sort of voice in my head the voice that tells me stuff like to stop taking my meds so that i can get some extra insentive to take my life or to not tell my doctor about certain things am i alone on this or is this something alot of people getits not a voice per se but rather an intrusive thought process one that just pops up its like a tip or a suggestion from an outside person i dont actually act upon these thoughts but that doesnt stop them from being there annoying me,1
i dont belong here i dont belong here i dont want to be here i dont want to walk on this earth anymore i dont want to breathe i dont want to talk i want to be done no one cares about me no one needs me i literally have no one my signs of depression are so fucking clear and no one cares i am not needed i dont belong here i belong under the dirt and i dont understand why i havent just killed myself already i dont know whyi amholding on i cant hold on anymore i am trapped inside a nightmare i cant wake up from i dont know whyi am so depressed i dont understand why it has to be me what did i do to deserve such a cruel punishment from the world i hate being in this body i hate waking up every morning into this fucking nightmare that i cant seem to wake up fromi amtrapped in a life i dont want to livei amsick and tired of being sick and tired i hate getting up in the morning to face my enemy the world many say suicide is cowardly if thats the case consider my death as natural selection taking its course veryone is so excited for homecoming and meanwhile i just cant see myself going i cant see myself being alive much longer i need to escape i need to finally be at peace with myself and if the only way to achieve this involves being locked away under the dirt sign me up now i am crying for helpi amworried i will be shoved back into the mental hospital again i cant deal with that again my mom constantly makes me feel like shit for the medical bills and my family during visitations kept calling me selfish for wanting to kill myself my mom made so many empty promises to me and i felt like i could get better but as soon as i got out shit got worse at first i thought it was my medication i know antidepressants make your depression worse at first nowi amjust convinced thati amincurable i am sick of this neverending cycle of waking up and dragging myself through the dayi amalways so fucking excited to go asleepi amexcited to escape for a few hours i dread waking up i feel so alone i feel likei amdrowning i cant breathe anymore depression is eating me up and tearing me apart my demons are winning i think i want them to win i cant beat them i jsut wanna fucking die i dont wanna be here please god if youre real please take me i cant deal with not breathing anymore i cna t deal with sobbing on the floor i can t deal with pushing everyone away and making everyone uncomfortable with my jokes ab out ki ll ign ymself i wannn a go h ome now the sadness is so unbearableplease fucking hel p me i am going to diei am not sure if this post breaks any rules but whatever i will be gone soon anyways,1
i want to do it so badly but i amafraid of surviving i really want to kill myself the only reasoni am still alive is becausei amafraid of not messing up and actually surviving and having to live with that the methods i have access to arent guaranteed lethal but if i had access to a gun which i dont i wouldnt hesitate for a second i keep wanting to feel like i can know what its like just a little bit so ive been trying to cut myself lately i say trying because ive hidden most of my sharp knives from myself so all i have easily accessible is a really dull serrated knife which can barely break the skin i just want to be dead ive given up and just want it all to stop,1
suicide keeps crossing my mind i feel like i need any form of advice from anyone please i have never been a suicidal or depressed person before in my life but this last year it just keeps crossing my mind i thought i was pretty close with my circle of friends at work but today one of them called me out on being greedy not being suitable for the mentality at the kind of work and that he doesnt want to hang out anymorei just dont understand what i have done wrong i buy rounds when we go out i invite them over for dinner at my place and i still get all the shit i must be completely delusional about my behaviour apparently hes not the only one that thinks that i just dont know how i should behave with the rest anymore should i leave them alone should i keep being friendly i just feel like shit and suicide wont leave my mindsorry for all this rambeling and if you actually read this far please help me ,1
29 lonely and depressed beyond my ability to cope ive felt lonely and depressed my whole life but recently ive been feeling more lonely and depressed than ever it is very painful i feel like my soul is getting slaughtered with every breathe i take ive thought about suicide many times before but i was always scared of it ive always feared death but recentlyi amfeeling the complete oppositei amfinding the idea of death to be so comforting and so liberating it is really growing on me and the only thing that is giving me comfort knowing that it is possible to end this forever and turn to nothingi ideally would like to live not with pain though but i seriously cant think of a way out i just cant no matter in which way i look at it i tried therapy i tried drugs i tried yoga i tried a lot of things yeti am still herei have no idea whyi amwriting this here if i want to do it i should just do it without the drama but for hells sake i need to at least say something somewhere it is so pathetic that i dont even a friend to express my feelings tomaybei amcrazy maybe i am not whati amabsolutely sure of thoughi amhurting a lot more than what i can cope with and i just have no idea what is left to dothank you for reading,1
what a week man i have felt absolutely dreadful this week two people i know unconnected tried to kill themselves though luckily both failed ive been drinking significantly every day just to shut up my brain for a bit which is obviously terrible as alcohol is a depressant not to mention the other effects i have been depressedsuicidal since i was about 14 11 years ago and have always just thought that i wont do it for the sake of my family and friends that saidi ammore recently coming to terms with the last thread of my family falling apart and my friends being quite involved in their own lives thats not a fault on their part they all have things going on and rightly so its just looking more and more like a logical decision to avoid the everincreasing suffering of my life i feel like an emo just writing that my self worth is at an all time low and i think that unless something drastic changes shortly theni amprobably going to jump from one of londons very tall buildings to see if ive developed flying powers yet nothing seems to have helped thus far its just been sheer will power ,1
only 3 reasons not to i have only 3 reasons not to do it my kids but on bad days today and at least once a week i think its unfair to them like thats a pressure that they shouldnt have to bear its not likei amextra or anything with them not super clingy etc no one knows that i seriously consider that i know how id do it i sought help before and that was a fucking joke i missed pay for a week and felt like a freak amongst friends family and coworkersi am not making that mistake again on one hand i feel i should be here for responsibility reasons but usually i feel like i screwed up not doing it earlier and i amonly exacerbating shit by remaining idk maybe give it a year and see what happens in lifeive had decent periods in my 36 years but by and large my life has been a pile of mistakes and bullshittldr is it enough to live for someone else ,1
not in a place to face my emotions right now my family is exppecting me to go back into the house and socialize with people ive never met beforei ama city away from where college is starting next monday and i am in hell from the stressi wish people could understand and respect personal time and space but its not their fault i suppose,1
i feel like committing suicide even thoughi am not that suicidal in the first place i fucking hate pain and whenever i get into a really depressive state or god forbid i have to lie in bed for three fucking hours becausei amon my period i know i should see a doctor i just want to get the fuck out of it i dont want to experience it and ive been thinking lately maybei amdepressed again and other things just start fucking up and its like why is my life worth living ive had anger issues my whole life everyone was afraid of me so i never grew out of my shyness i never formed confidence my mom had to fucking die when i was 10 i have no one in real life to comfort me ive been hung up on that for years and i know its fucking retarded my only friends unless you count this guy i talk to at lunch that i barely know are on the internet my dreams got crushed when i was 15 by acting like a fucking idiot and i have no idea to describe that event in ways people will understand i have 0 ability to talk to unfamiliar people and look like a normal person at the same time and yeah sure maybei am going off on a tangent on how much my life has sucked to this point but my point is nothings ever been that fucking bad i couldve been raped pssh i dont even take care of myself how would that happen i couldve been born into a family thats homeless i couldveyou get the idea but damn iti dont see any hope for the future and i could be waking up everyday with a protruding urge to kill myself but i dont have that i just feel like doing this crap because i want to start over in a new damn body and i want to actually build assertiveness this timei ama stupid fucking pushover and i hardly do anything anymore i know i can just try becoming more confident and all that now but where do i start in a high school with 3000 kids place is too crowded i dont fit in everyone here is stupid whats the pointim not going to fucking commit suicide but i sure as hell want to even when i know i dont feel that shittywho writes this shit,1
amcertain my mind is made up the last five or six days now it seems like at some point sooni amprobably going to die ive done some great things in the past couple of weeks but i dont feel much of anything anymore despite the people for the most part around me in this time i dont feel good enough neither to i even feel alive 99 of the time eitheri amjust watching everything unfold before me why bother not the first time ive wanted to commit suicide nor have i hesitated to attempt it but i am not sure anymore theres too much to say but yeah i dont know ive been alone for most of my life but in the past 6 months or so ive never felt so alone days arent even relevant anymore one thing just merges into the next i really dont even know who or what i am anymore either i really just dont want to wake up anymore,1
last conversation if you knew you werent going to see a person ever again and you could have one last conversation with them what would you say would you tell them about your plans to kill yourself or would you tell them you were going on a long trip would you just ghost them,1
like is any of this real what the fuck does it even mean realinexistence eternal existence i dont know which it is but it seems like a loselose everyone else just acts happy and cheery like our role here is to help other people so what that doesnt fix anything for us or for themi cant stop thinking about that and i know nobody in the world does or possibly can know the answer,1
do you believe some people should commit suicide bad people formerlly bad people how far does forgiveness go,1
amdonei amgonna do it i cant take it anymore i was put on this earth to keep losing and i am in so much pain i just want this to end all i ever wanted was to get away from my toxic narcissistic hateful m and my father doesnt care about me i cant do this anymore,1
thinking about taking a whole box of benadryl my best friend said he doesnt want to speak to me anymore ever i was in love with my friend and continue to love him very deeply i was thinking about waiting a couple of months and trying to dm him again but i dont think i can wait that long when i think about him every minute so i think i want to kill myself and tell him while i do it maybe give him some contact information so he can know who to ask if he wants to attend my funeral i wonder if hell even read the message should i not do this i really dont see a reason not to the only times i have ever felt truly happy were the times i was around him i miss him so much it aches,1
very quicklyi amlosing motivation to keep on living i just wrote a damn essay explaining that title but guess what happened it didnt make any sense if i cant get something as simple as writing a few paragraphs on why my existence is a mistake i cant do anything correctly,1
i just want to end it i m 18 have no future it s very hard going to school because of my social anxiety and lasting depression i get bad grades and i have no idea where to study after schooli can t socialize like normal people dothe thing that hurts the most is that _ no one likes me i hate the way i lookeveryone thinks that i m into women when i m 100 straight help,1
i just want to die already have a plan since i got a hereditary desease that can kill you i thinki amjust gonna wait and refuse to go to the hospital cant fail hopefully it wont take many monthsi just want to die already i am20 and i cant remember the last time i have actually enjoyed being alive i bet it has been more than 4 years already i amjust donei really hope my desease is enough to kill me i dont want to gamble on taking blood pressure or sleeping pills and hope they kill me,1
i dont feel anything anymorei am22 no job no friendsi have no ambition to do anything i dont have a personallity i dont have opinions about anything i just dont feel like i can ever be a real person i see people on this sub with actual problems and it makes me feel even more pathetici sometimes go out for walks late at night and hope that someone beats the shit out of me i guess i feel like itll knock me back into reality,1
am going on antidepressants today well see how it goes maybe this time itll help wish me luck,1
15m i havent been diagnosed soi am not going go sit here and tell you that i am depressed the online quiz told me but i feel so sad i feel sad when sad or upsetting events happen like today my class learned about suicide in religion and everyones head turned to me immediately and i began to sweat a lot but at times like earlier today i get random tsunamis of just why do i even wake up anymore and then just try to think out life yenno i got moved to a new therapist and so far ive straight up lied about my mental wellbeing i just do not like him at all i dont like therapy and i wish i wasnt being forced into going i just want to d i e and of course as i usually tell people there is so much to live for but i have to spend so many more years in my country and high schooli am in highschool now for 4 years and its just so god damn depressingi am so lonely and my life is just a repeat of the same shit day in day out,1
how do you dealprocess only having one thing to live for the last year and a half my only reason for living is my son i have suicidal thoughts around the clock and my only fear is going out with paini ambp2 so interacting with my son is somethingi amonly able to do for short periods before the tempo overwhelming my brain only reason i dont kill myself is the bad conscience hed grow up without a dad ive been through every medication and combination of them over the course of 15 yearsi amworn downi amexhausted i want out before posting please i beg you dont do the whole hang in there itll it better i dont respond well enough to medication and my 2 remaining options are electro treatment or deep brain stimulation both of which has a chance to alter the memory and feelings towards my last barrierediti am35 my son is 15 years,1
i wish someone would have told me it was okay i live everyday of my life empty i have no more hope i have little joyi am in school its going finei amworking at 825 bare minimum wage i hate my job i hate schooli amslowly starting to hate life i workout i look good but i amjust so empty inside i no longer even want friends i dont have any friends and the girls i f with just want my money and my family give me some love and support but i am still empty they barely understand me want me to find god all of every day of my life is getting f up or bored out of my mind,1
here again i cant live up to my parents expectations theyre wasting their time money and effort sending me to college providing food and shelter and insurance i dont even have any motivation to make something of myself anymore ive only lied to them and let them down and failed to be who they want me to be they paid money for me to get corrective surgery to stop me from picking holes in my scalp and here i am years later still doing it i cant fake happiness anymore for their benefit after years of feeling depressed again and again i cant ignore the fact that my gender identity doesnt match my sex despite how frustrated and confused it makes them i cant even be honest with them about how i use a different name for myself outside the housei sneak around without their knowledge to try and find help for myself but it just leaves me anxious and paranoid getting therapy and meds might make me healthier but i will just be living in fear of wheni amfound out i push everyone away and it leaves my parents feeling angry and hurt because theyre doing the best they can they want me to live with them for as long as possible but all i can think of is running away or dying i cant even talk to my parents about whati am going through because they thinki amfaking it or trying to manipulate them which has never been the case but they are right in calling me selfish spoiled and ungrateful i dont deserve any of the good things theyve done for meeven outside the family i just burden people with my problemsi ameven back here repeating myself because i dont know what to do besides throw my issues at strangers theyre right i just want to throw a pity party for myself for attentionmaybe i should just end it to avoid disappointing everyone further one big mistake instead of many more smaller ones in the future to pile up and weigh them down preferably before the new school quarter starts so that thousands of dollars arent wasted on me,1
am going to do it hopefully in the next 3 months i am about to turn 18 ive made posts about it before but i absolutely hate the idea of legally becoming an adult its seriously depressing me to think about i dont want to grow up and i feel like none of us are physically adults till our 20s sometimes lateri amalways depressed about the way i look my parents and people around me are all miserable i try to talk to people about my suicidal tendencies and its almost like they just say oh thats bad and thats it i want to end it so badly i really need help please because at the same time i want someone to tell me something that will make me feel better also my neighbors are a nightmare and things are going to crap all over i lost someone really close to my heart this year and have been i will for most of the yearsorry this is a jumbled up post but i amjust a scared young man who feels like he needs to die and some part of me wants to but i want to make it through for my family please help mejosh,1
i cant be saved ive been trying to fight my depression i finally started admitting it myself after i became close to killing myself i have a therapist and i am on medicationi became sick and had to go into hospital for awhile i had surgery and was released a week ago i failed some final examswhich made me fail the courses my last semesteri had to move back home because i couldnt take care of myself or worki am 22 but despite my effortsi feel like nothing will go right no matter how hard i try something goes wrongive been thinking about the the feeling of relief when ending it alli cant stop picturing itim hopeless and a failure who will only hurt others,1
artist at end of their line for the past year ive been feeling liike my mind has been declining as things start feeling more hopeless and hopeless i broke up with my ex of last year after it turned out he was an abusive manipulator and also quit my retail job due to mental emotional stress ive been trying to find job in my artist field as either a character designer or comicstoryboarder but nothing comes up applications that meet my reasonable ability and where i can live go unanswered i dont know what to do ive been told that its about connections not the applications that lands you a job and i dont have that god knows ive tried to reach out to people in the industry i look up to but i never get a response i was a college dropout due to not having the money and being rejected twice from my desired program ive been kind of drifting along for those years doing what i can in hope i will get noticed and be offered a job then i met my ex and for 5 years i wasted time and money on him when i couldve used that towards bettering my career and more independence i feel like a fuck up nothing i ever do works out or pans outi am still living with my parents i want to live on my own and have a decent job but i amhaving trouble with that i cant even fathom the idea of an emotional support animal becuasei amterrified it will end up ignoring me being actual trouble that i will have to rehome it or get so sick thati amunable to do anything about it i dont know what to do ive thought about killing myself but i cant do that becausei m scared and would rather peacefully in my sleep but my body taunts me everyday by waking up and its a sin to take one owns life in gods eyes i just want a fucking job in my art career field of my dreams and i dont know if i can even fucking do that because ive tried to help myself and nothing came out of it no one will give that additonal help to get me closer to that goal i feel like everything is a waste another reason i guess i havent just gone and off killed myself is because i have a beautiful and sweetest ldr partner i want to meet in person someday but its getting hard man i dont know what to do anymorei amterrified of my parents going before me and having no home or anywhere else to fall back oni amterrified of being a failure for rest of my life,1
my last day i hate the person that i am why was i even born i never ask to be place in this world of i was always going to be a sad lonly personi amnever good at anything the only thingi amgood as is at cutting and feel thati am still a life of o die who would even bother to cry for me cuz being a life they dont even ask me howi ami doing they think i like be in a happy world _ wich for me is living in a dark tunnel not being able to go out i want to close my eyes and never wake up to this life my miserable life i live in,1
so fucking lonely i cant stand it anymore i know thati amsupposed to want to spend time with myself and love myself or whatever but i dont i hate myself and i hate spending time alone with myselfand so much of my time is spent alone because i dont have many friends i dont know how to talk to people in my classes or on campus i get way too anxious and never know what to sayso i dont say anything and then suddenly its 3 weeks into classes and everyone has made friends in that class and its too late for me to tryi dont know what to do each day that i spend alone with my thoughts is another day closer to me finally just offing myself i cant stand this emptiness no one wants to be around me becausei ambad at conversation and i amuncomfortably awkwardi dont want to be around me either so i get whyi amalone i am once again faced with a long day and night of being alone in my room and ive already seriously contemplated killing myself two nights this week i dont know what to do i dont have anyone to reach out to that woudnt be concerned with or pissed off at me for doing so i dont want to leave my room because ive already been out on campus since 8am its 5pm now at classes and such and i have pretty bad social anxiety soi amfucking exhaustedi dont know what to donothing distracts me like i need it to i guess i will try and sleep but thats all i do anymore and it never helps i can only stay asleep for a few hours at a time and then when i wake up i just feel so sad becausei amawake againim sorry thati amwhiningits just i feel so backed into a corner every day of my damn life i really want to end it all today,1
its really the only option i see i dont want to do it but i feel like its the easier option becausei am not going to be happy regardless i feel so bad for my daughter who will have to grow up without me but she is smart brilliant and beautiful she has the best father one could ask for and shes still little it wont impact her as much i have everything i wanted my whole life and i actually dont want any of it dont want the husband cant handle being a parent and just want a career i can give everything and beyond to but thats not possible like it once was becausei amtrapped here with all of this if i were to leave it all behind i think the happiness would be short lived my spouse doesnt have the capability to understand my needs hes never been good with that my therapist agrees hes insensitive because hes never experienced mental health issues each day is a battle and its not fair for my daughter for me to be miserable all the time the sooner the better before she gets more attached ,1
my sibling told me to kill myself this seriously might be the last straw for me,1
services for suicidal people in london does anyone know any good ones i know the samaritans maytree respite centre a and e anyone know of any more has anyone turned to a place of worship for help when they have been suicidal i am a muslim but i dont feel comfortable going to an imam i feel like they know fuck all about mental i willness i did come across a service where a mosque and an nhs trust work together but it is on the other side of london it is called the duha project if anyone is interested and it is based in east london mosque,1
venting i love life i love every single breath of it i love it truly dearly living every single day is like feeling palms of god caressing you on head every single day is like a celebration of the beauty of life for life its a pleasure constant surprise life is beautifulbut i shall no longer be part of it i have schizophrenia i hurt people all the time without knowing living with my i willness is hard i have to be on meds the only thing that i think is good about it is that i can go to the kitchen pick up the bottle with pills and consume it all i dont even fucking care i hate myself so much i hate being in this world being alive it is like trapped in limbo my soul is bound to this earth my soul cannot escape and it screams i want it to be end i want every single evil in the world to focus on me and destroy me i want to be calm i want to be patient i want to be able to breathe the last breath of life into the wind and die i want it so damn much i dont care about my family i dont care about my friends they will be better off without me i hate myself so much i hate hate hate hate hate hate i fucking want to go away i want to disappear i want the bugs to consume while i rot in the soil i want to be the one with the skeletons i want my skeleton to be scattered i want myself to be the one who is not called upon during the last judgement please please someone end this for me,1
no point i did something really stupid that could get me in a lot of trouble and if i do get in troublei amdefinitely overdosing intentionally id rather not get into details nothing horrible but if i get in trouble it could potentially ruin my lifeim a drug addict will be homeless in 30 days when my halfway house kicks me out ive been to like 10 psych wards and when i go i just wish i could stay there forever so i dont kill myself but they always discharge me really fast because of my drug history and act like my suicidal thoughts are normal some days i believe i should be in a mental institution for lifewhatever is after this has to be better it just has to and if i get in trouble for this it will be my excuse to go out peacefully in a heroin induced suicidei am23 and going bald from stress i imagine myself with no hair and just want to diei talk to women but i am not even interested id rather watch porn then suffer the misery i get from social interaction and having to act happy so they keep talking to meim just writing hoping things look up soon if not i have my easy option,1
suicide is logical ive had suicidal thoughts since age sixi amsuccessful accepted which as a transwoman is amazing independent and working in a job i love but everyday it feels like suicide is logical suicide is painless it eases stress and allows rest yes suicide is permanent and i know that stress is temporary but i am tired of the constant cycle of fighting suicidal thoughts it sucks that my first thought when pulling up on a traffic jam is is there a way to slam into the trick without harming others it sucks that my brain jumps to suicide regardless of situationi am tired of fighting the thoughts it feels like the thoughts are destined to win i keep trying to identify little things to live for but nothing really matters long term i could die and the world continue to go on with one less waste of life on it i have a plan and that scares me,1
they say it will end soon but the torture is the process,1
i thought college would make things betteri amaway at college and i had nothing back home until a year ago i was able to escape from my abusive home life and my trauma related to being molested as a kid through dance my dance teacher became the father i wish i had and i got other mentors along the way too i even met bill clinton at one of my performances which was in front of hundreds of people and also got to perform at madison square garden but dont get me wrong life was still hard i still wanted to kill myself i started fall in love this summer and now he wont talk to me anymore and i had no closure because i was never given a concrete reason he was the first boy ive met who has treated me how i deserve to be treated and now hes in a different country and it hurts when i think about him and i amwearing the necklace he wore right now and its the only thing that makes me feel safe sometimes i also lost control and started harming more this summer but nobody knows that because even though i know its a good idea to get help reporting this means being in more college debt and suffering at the hands of my family for longer soi am trying to power through if getting help was a rational option i would go for it but then i go to college and its great here because i dont have to regularly interact with the people who molested me and my horrible disgusting excuses for parents as much but my plans fell through and i was misinformed about the dance opportunities available for me on campus long story short theres a possibility i wont even be able to take ballet let alone hip hop which is what i took back home and what helped me through dark times and i hurt my ankles so i cant even dance in my free time just for fun for likely another week at least the only true friends ive ever had in the long term are back home my mentors back home told me to call them when i got to college but most of them wont even answer my texts i get that theyre busy theyre talent managers and directors and choreographers and higher ups in the business but they are also the first people ive ever been able to deem real family and we have a deep bond they are the reason i am who i am today and want to kill myself much less often than before especially my dance teacher often whenever we said goodbye to each other we would hug and say i love you but now he doesnt even text me to say he cant talk on the phonei am not being clingyi am trying not to be a bother but i just need them right now is just wanting to say hi from time to time irrational i feel likei amlosing everyone all over again this shit has happened twice before i have quality friends back home that have changed my life but i am not comfortable telling them about how i have been abused and how the boy i love and who loveor maybe loved depending on the reason why hes done this stopped looking me in the eye soi amjust kind of here in college and honestly i had a tough night i tried out for dance team and i did horribly and hurt my ankles so thats another door closed with dance and also i did a tibetan bowl meditation and if any of you guys dont understand meditation just know that this specific kind often lets you see visions and i had a really depressing vision having to do with the boy i love it had to do with me re meeting a night recently where i was outside in the cold for 3 hours calling anyone i could think of to talk to them about how much i was hurting but nobody answered until the very end of the night i called all my mentors and still none of them have texted me saying sorry they missed my call and people here at college are nice so much nicer than the people i regularly interact with back home but they dont know me well enough to understand just exactly how this is all tearing at the seemsi thought college would be a better place for me and it was at first but after tonight its safe to say that even though some things got better it evened out cuz now a lot do other things are getting worse i havent let myself self harm in the last few days but its really hard not to i dont really see a reason to keep going anymore and i am really good at finding reasons to keep going if things are gonna be like this for the next four years i dont wanna stick around because by the time it does get better i will be too fucked in the head to appreciate it i wont kill myself tonight cuz i never do cuzi am too scared but i amafraid thati amgonna hurt myself and get yet another scar and i get really sad when i look at my self harm scars they are all from this summer i dont really want to be alive right now sometimes i feel like the only way my dance teacher would send me a message is if he found out i tried to hurt myself and thats what makes this so tempting the people i miss would actually talk to me more if they heard about me trying to kill myself i dont want to make them sad because i love them but i am so fucking desperate just to get a hello how are youi am sorry i havent bothered to reply to your messages but i still love youi amwilling to go to great lengthsi amscared of myself right now i know these are toxic thoughts but honestlyi am so desperate to talk to the people i love that trying to end my life is starting to seem worth it ,1
i am a lair i seem like i am the most put together person when really i am decaying i am the person my friends and family for advice and help i always help them with anything i am the person that seems like i have it all figured out and i am so happy but i am dying inside i feel so lonely and isolated from any true connection i cannot turn to my friends because i am their rock at the moment and my step mother my rock will just judge me and make me breakdown i know that if i didnt seem this way more so i feel like if i dont seem valuable to my friends and family they will drop me mostly because it has happened my family has taught me that it is weak to have these thoughts and i should just suck it up but i have been doing that for years and the thoughts are like waves and crash hard at times drown me i dont want to die but i dont want to wake up i dont want this false sense of the happy life i am not happy i am 20 fat and weird i am creeping this poor guy i am into out because i am so flipping desperate for a human connection that isnt fake i come off desperate ,1
saved up enough money for my suicide i dont have job so i had to cash in bottles and cans to save up the enough money for the method of suicide i chose the money is currently sitting in my wallet as i plan for the perfect day to commit the act ,1
i do t think i can do this anymorei amon my period using toilet paper for tampons i havent eaten in 4 days becausei ambroke my best friends have given up on me my medicine doesnt work i cant anymore my abba has canceri amdone ,1
am sorryi amjusti am so sorry,1
amstarting to lose it ive messed up my life ive gained a bunch of weight and going outside of my apartment is turning into a bigger and bigger problem i only grocery shop a few minutes before the shops close to avoid as many strangers as possible i havent done laundry in about a month and every day i dont do my laundry it get even harder because of the smell when i go to bed i cant sleep i go to bed at midnight and 34 hours later i get out of bed because i cant fall asleep i get so incredibly angry and stressed because of it i have to wait untili am100 exhausted or i wont be able to fall asleep and if i actually manage to fall asleep then the construction outside my apartment starts making some incredibly loud noise at 6 or 7i amlosing my mind my 10year anniversary for my depression diagnosis is coming up seems like the perfect time to finally get some peace,1
i want to kill myself right now but its my sisters birthday and id feel like an asshole my best friends wedding is in october because of how hard my jobs been recently i keep on telling myself i cant do anything till after that i was there for her a lot during a rough time in her life it would just destroy her to kill myself before her wedding i dont think she would forgive herself for not being there for me and her happiness is one of the most important things in the world to me so dont be that asshole the people we love cant help us sometimes but the love we have for them is what keeps us going sometimes ,1
nothing seems to matter anymore i just feel so detached from everything and everyone i am always the one blamed i dont really think i have a reason to be here anymore my family hardly cares and i dont have much going for me anytime i get excited for anything my life fucks up i just dont have much family or friends who care and everything is always shitty i dont feel like i want to be here another day no one seems to ever care about my needs and i have no one on my side no one ever seems to want to look into whag i need or cares about how i feel i just am a burden to everyone who knows me no one cares if i exist anymore ,1
tonight i felt i could just die my heart hurts i could cry all night i dont want to feel numb or this horrible pain anymore soi amaccepting what isi am going to give myself time to heal i want to feel this pain and deal with reality instead how are you doingi amright there with you havent even climbed into bed ive been just sitting next to it picking my toes and staring at the floor since i got home from getting my things i left that her house months ago as a promise that id would be coming backbut the promise was that id be coming back for her i dont care about my damn speakers id give every up just a sliver of a hair short of my own life to have been have been able to even seen her with my own two eyes tonight but she was convinced id be lost and gone forever and opened herself up to the possibilities of finding love i someone else shes a beautiful funny attractive woman sadly it didnt take long for someone to find her id been looking for her for 89 years shes the first person that i truly opened my heart for since the last onei amafraid of what may lay ahead for me this oneade realize the love i had for the last one was just childs play this one enlightened me to the reality of true unconditional absolutely committed loveand i myself fucked it all up i wish she would have just genuinely asked me to just come home,1
the first day of senior year truly made me realize how lonely i am i beat depression but it came back this summer senior year began today and it really showed how lonely i am an even smaller circle of friends this year people i used to talk to ignoring me on purpose i dont want to go on like this itll only get more painful than it already is i cant embrace the life of loneliness i want something i can never achieve because of some stupid reason society overvalues like my looks the only answer i have is maintaining my hatred for everyone else who ignores me and school in general or committing suicide to take myself out of the misery ,1
why does life feel like a movie that has been on for way too long i dont feel like killing myself as much as i just feel disappointed by life itself nothing is new or exciting nothing is stimulating everything feels like it is either predictable or simply happens for little to no reason how do people get fulfillment from existing like this how are people able to build relationships with one another when there are so many obvious flaws to life that have simple solutions but will never actually come to light all memes aside i feel like i am taking crazy pills and like i am the only person still actually paying attention to whats going on around them as arrogant as that sounds what the fuck is this world and why is it so void of reason,1
id rather die than divorce i love my wife but i hate being married to her her depression affects mine and vice versa we are slowly making each other miserableerbut i dont want to hurt her by asking for divorcefrankly i would rather die than hurt her that way i would prefer to just rip myself away by violence then admit to her face how she contributes to my painto be fair she is a lovely woman and a very good wife when the depression isnt eating away at her to my discredit i am not the best husband regardless of my depression i wont go into specifics but suffice to say that my failings as a husband have excacerbated my wifes already potent depressiontldr i would rather kill myself than admit to my wife how miserable i am,1
always sad and depressed ive been depressed and felt suicidal for years i was at the very moment i was going to attempt in 2012 but got interrupted while trying to carry out the act someone came home so i acted totally fine from 2006 to that point my life was flipped upside down and i spiraled out of control i drank a lot and took what ever medications i could get my hand on to make me feel lost 2012 i had a lot of medical issues and had to make a lot of adjustments in my personal life sell my house move home quit my job as i had surgery on both my feet from that point up until now not a day not an hour goes by that i dont think about suicide back then i was in such an awful relationship that to this day still has me fucked up and i still wont date becausei amscared to get close to anyonei amhurting peoples lives thati amclose to because i cant help myself and make my life better i always think of suicide but especially from the fall into winter it gets worsei am in college and dont know whyi amthe furthest thing from an adult that i can think of and cant seem to get my shit together i want to end it all but am scared i wont actually die so here i am alive still and hating every day of it my depression has come back in full swing and i struggle to do daily tasks most days it sucks maybe one day i will have the guts to just blow my brains out until then though i will just suffer silently ,1
this sub actually saved my life a few weeks ago i just couldnt take it anymore as a 17 year old 76k in debt no friends no one i can talk to and have basically no talents so i was gonna do it i went on and lied and said just curious not for me but how does one kill them self with no pain 1 person replied to my post saying suicide is a permanent loss for a temporary problem or something along side those words and put directed me to this sub i have no idea how heshe knew even tho i clearly said it wasnt for me any ways i came here and shit you not those words will stick in my mind suicide is a permanent loss for a temporary problem after coming here i realized every thing can change i can one day find friends one day pay off my debts and i believe i can finally be happy one day and so can you guys please if you feel suicidal please get help talk to some one ive been in your shoes i know how it feels ik its hard out there but please just please sorry for bad grammar english isnt my first language edit 1 i had a lot more problems as well not just being in debt and having no friends,1
its kinda funny you can talk about wanting to die in a hurricane and its all fun and games but talk about wanting to take a gun to your head and pulling the trigger suddenly it got uncomfortable,1
i hate asking for shit like this but i just really need to talk to someone i dont have the energy to type my whole story right now if youre interested just scroll down my past posts and youll get an idea i normally prefer the sanctioned suicide sub but it usually takes a while to get a response there and i really think i need someone now i feel like such an asshole asking for thisi amemotionally exausted so i apologize if this is vague,1
i escaped a 72 hour suicide watch hospital so yesterday my wife called and told them i felt suicidal hoping that if they did anything id get a script of xanax or something but no the dr wanted to send me to some bullshit facility that ive been too twice they are there for their paycheck and thats it they dont give a fuck about you anywaysi amfeeling fine i told them i wanna go home dr said i have to go no matter what so i took off my hospital gown and for some reason they forgot to take my bag of clothes so i put my clothes back on and made a jet for the doori ama pretty big guy so i guess the female security didnt want to fuck with me anyways i make it deep into the woods and spend 3 hours next to a main highway seeing cops going up and down for about 3040 mins i still have my phone so i made a call to my friend who picked me up i had to go through thick ass woods ended up with cuts all on my legs and shit but i made it to my friends vehicle and nowi amstaying at his house out of statei amwondering how long before i can return to my house without going to that bullshit placei am fine they showed up to my house and told my wife that am not going to be charged with any charges for breaking the law they would just try to take me back to the hospital and reevaluate me with they stop looking after a week and it just be considering a missing persons report thanks,1
day 1 realizations i woke up today i could tell it was going to be another horrible day because well o woke upmy room is a mess i cannot find any clothes for work my rabbit gnawing on the cage as usual i feel so bad for her i love her i really do but i never spend time with her i am looking for a good home for her shes so fucking beautiful and sweeti ama piece of shit for not loving her more the best thing in this play doh lifei just distance myself from everyone and everything everything feels fakei think something is wrong with my eyes or my head but everything looks fake too likei am looking through lenses in a body that isnt mine like a camera out of focusi honestly wonder if i am real or anything is real if i end my life i will wake up and be in my real life i feel like i am locked in a very long tiring dreami had planned my suicide for about three years now i told the few buddies i had whats going on with me it motivates me to go through with it even more because now i have something to prove theyre upset of course they are i felt bad for them but theyre not real eithermy father asked me for the first time in 3 months if i was avoiding him i almost laughed in his face he asks me nowi lost weight a lot of weight i thought it would help my confidence and make things easier it doesnt dont let anyone fool youi amsure eating well and exercise works for some people but for me it was just a feeble attempt at changing the inevitablei started smoking marijuana the medicinal properties are amazing better sleep it makes me actually eat not to mention how the rock that sits in my head feels so light i wouldnt say it made me happy but it definitely did more for me than any medication counselling or healthy lifestyle ever has too bad there is so much stigma around marijuana its honestly just as bad as mental i willnessi honestly wished i had started smoking sooneri always told myself people who kill themselves are week that that isnt me i am strong i still think i am strong its just that this life is not for me it doesnt even feel real7 days and counting,1
reality is keep betraying me ive fallen inlove with a girl i really love her because she made me feel so alive and she made me feel so safe she made me feel safe whenever shes around she cured my depression this girl is also my bestfriend weve done many things together and those times where the best days of my life she meant alot to me but then that day comes i confessed what i felt about her but she rejected me because i didnt live up to the standards of what guys she likes and our values are not the same i was willing to change myself to that guy she wants but she doesnt respect people who doesnt seem to themselves i really want to be with her shes everything to me but no matter what i do nothing will work the depression she took away from me has been returned to me in ten fold this pain that have been inflicted to me is too much for me to handle and i believed that the only way to get rid of this pain is gouge out the sickness in my heart ive got a kitchen knife with me and i amgonna stab my heart with it after i finish my last drink of alcohol,1
what if it was your family or friend if someone you were close to killed themself is there anything that person couldve done to make theyre death easier for you,1
just dont know whyi amhere anymorei am18 have no friends dont talk to anyone and hardly have the balls to buy things in a shop on my own just dont know whyi amhere anymorei am18 have no friends dont talk to anyone and hardly have the balls to buy things in a shop on my owni amjust sick of it feel likei amretarded and everyone around me is laughing at me behind my back havent even had a conversation with a girl outside my family for like 2 years just want to give up,1
i really dont know what to do next hello i have to turn to you because i genuinely feel like ive lost all hope and reason to really stay alivei am16 years old and have been heavily depressedsuicidal for a good 4 years now i struggle immensely with aspergers and social anxiety and that has hindered me severely with trying to fit in or be normal i was in a lot of discontent with my life but i managed believing that i could just soldier on and almost suck it up in a sense however when i finished high school i had a lot of time to think and reflect and to be quite honest with you it has really accentuated how utterly dull and mundane everything around me has become food doesnt taste as great music doesnt sound as great nothing feels like its good anymore i debated very heavily to end my life but in all honesty i really dont want to fucking die when it chooses to life can be such a wonderful place filled with joy and beauty and substance but that euphoria has become very short and very far apart i recently started higher education to try and maybe get some purpose in my life or try and distract myself from the sadnesssuicidal thoughts by being a more academic person but that in term made it a lot worse because it again acted as a catalyst that reminded me at how awkward i really am i feel really dumb because i cant really concentrate much in lessons and therefore i miss out on a lot of learning i feel really anxious because i always feel like people are looking at me and judging me and every time i walk past someone laughing i instantly assume its about me i feel overwhelmed because everything caught up with me very quickly and i feel like my sadness is starting to eat away at any chance of getting better i tried professional help but it didnt work and it made me feel worse about myself because i felt like a big burden to my familyi really have no fucking idea what to do sw i really want to live and be content with everything but the sheer idea of things being the way they are makes me so very depressed that its starting to affect my physical health too my hair is falling in clumps my skin looks like utter shiti amsteadily gaining weight my self esteem is dropping to basically nothing i always feel tired and unmotivatedim just so sick of it all if you read this far then thank you and i hope you havehad a wonderful day,1
will my work compensate my family if i kill myself on the jobi am nothing more than a finicial support to my family so id like to figure out ways of making sure their going to be good money wise after i pass or at least have the funeral covered,1
never good enough all of my relationships end in cheating and after i break it off with them for it they eventually come back and say how much they regret it and they made a huge mistake so why the fuck does it keep taking me being gone from someones life for them to value me maybe that just means its my time not a single one of my friends texted me for my birthday just my ex who i recently found out has been shoving dicks in her mouth left and right and my momi am tired of being unappreciated and tossed aside by literally everyone but my relatives all i have the energy to do is get drunk and sometimes eat i cant do this much longer,1
its been 5 years five years of hating myself off and on of struggling to want to wake up in the mornings of realizing i have a problem and never getting help its been five years of misery and sadness and i want it to be over the last two weeks have been especially bad with school and work piling up and keeping me from being social i dont want my job i dont want a college degree i just want it to all be overi am tired of pretending this all exists its been 5 years and i am not willing to live for another 5 days good night and good bye,1
i am lost my mother died less than a year ago i have not recovered my father doesnt seem to care as though he is 79 he has a new lady suddenly things he used to take care of around the house take a back burner as well as my mother being my confidant my father couldnt care less as i walk around constantly in tears and with self inflicted cuts on my arms i have always had trouble with depression and this has thrown me off the edge i used to say the only thing keeping me alive was not hurting my father but now i dont think he would care i am trying to keep hope alive i am failing my struggle now is to figure out a way to die with out causing trama to anyone who would find me i dont want to be like this i cant find solace i need help,1
_________ _____ have you ever loved someone you didnt know very wellim the only fool who does everything about this man makes my abdomen cramp up when i feel hes near and when he smiles its like hes opened up a bright new world he has the sexiest tone of voice ive ever heard so calm and soothing and warmest demeanor to where i dont even feel cold anymore i wanted to know everything about this man i mean even if he gained 400 pounds i would still love him even if he lost his limbs i would chop mine off and offer it right up to him he probably wouldnt take it even if he couldnt use his spine and lost all uses of his lower body i would take care of him because i love his demeanor his spirit his attitude his insides his voice i wish i could be his shadow i would sacrifice my own happiness just to see that big bright smile just to see him reveal a new world to me i would trade my life for his and my soul would be up for sale to the most sinister deity but i am too dark too tall my hair feels like a brillo padi am too uglyi ampoor i just want to crawl inside myself and die and come back as someone he deservesi amjust a dog barking here because no one will listen in real lifei amjust a stalker a loser degenerate freak who doesnt even deserve to live no one will read this but if there is one i know youll ask wheres your self esteem ,1
oh where to begin ive been plagued by mental health issues pretty much since birth this caused an enormous amount of strain on me and my family and made me an outcast from early childhood and gained a reputation of weird out there bad ect from people who knew absolutely nothing about me but i just shrugged it off and kept on going then in middle school i started getting bullied couldnt walk down the hallway without getting called a faggot and it being middle school the rumors about me just flew like crazy then i was homeschooled in 7th grade because of the bullying and the rumors took on a whole new level of crazy and just flat out bullshit but i just kept goingand then in 8th grade i went back to school and finally made friends people still had all kinds of bullshit ideas about me without ever even having a conversation about me but i actually made friendsthen in high school everything got better at first i had tons of friends who i considered family i wasnt being bullied to my face and i was actually happythen my second year of high school started and boom insomnia i became extremely irritable i was sleeping in class wasnt shaving dressing like shit and so on well i didnt know this at the time but my cyclothymia lesser version of bipolar disorder had kicked into 12th gear what makes matters worse is i was already seeing a shrink and psychiatrist so i was getting medication but can you guess what meds i was getting just antidepressants and for those who dont know ads cyclothymia or bipolar disorder in my case hypomania what fun basically for 3 years i was mostly hypomanici amsure you can all guess what this was like well since one of the symptoms of hypomania is arrogance this got mistook for narcissism and a certain true narcissist didnt like this so he went around to all my friends who i considered family and told them i was this horrible person who thought all of them were less than me which of course i didnt i saw almost all of them as my equal and then it gets better he decided to assume that i was also a liar because i mentioned that i fell into a firepit when i was a kid and melted my hand together but theres no scar so i must be lying even tho it did really happen i will find a way to prove it to you if you dont believe me he told everyone this so practically overnight my family was gone my insomnia had gotten to the point where i was staying awake from 81 straight hours and to cope i turned to xanax and benadryl to sleep the fallout is obvious soi amleft alone addicted to xanax going fucking mad from sleep deprivation and i dropped out of high school 9 months later i had a nervous breakdown cyclothymia progressed to full blown bipolar disorder i start flying off the handle and punching holes in walls smoking tons of weed to cope struggling with xanax and ativan and i have no one not a single personwhats the point none of you will read this far down my rambling to read this i ruined everything but noi amapparently not allowed to be happy or have friends i just ruin everything,1
living life is pointless and not worth the effort soon i will be dead i wont allow my self happiness because its all lies,1
i just dont know who else to talk to i m trying to not kill myself it is hard,1
youll never know when waking up everyday to be that better person keeps draining your inner motivation to do anything in this pointless world look to any other human beside you and realize they may feel the exact same way ive had suicidal thoughts for years its been bad these past couple months although it never looked less appealing to me as to when my buddy purposely crashed his car on the highway in efforts to kill himself hours before i found out about the incident i had been under the assumption that this lady killer of a handsome man had been happy all along and living life to the fullest which i had been jealous of for some time we all have the inner dialogue but if you make the effort to keep pushing on one more day then youre still playing the game maybe the levels get easier as time moves on best of luck to you live life until you feel alive do not lose yourself on this journey ,1
am31 have no idea what to do with my life some serious debt and no passion i want out i just havent figured out a way yet also it would leave my girlfriend totally crushed we love each other but i feel like my burdens too heavy that love can carry it you know whats really ironic i just spent six weeks in a clinic came out and felt more depressed than ever up to the point where i am now this is probably the most suicidal i have ever felt ugh,1
how to kill myself quicklyi am16i am16 and suffer from severe social anxiety cant talk to people and cant get a job because of severe i mean severe social anxiety there are no solitary jobs for people my age everyone else has no problem getting a job cant go to a psychiatrist my grades are plummeting because i cant think straight or critically anymore and always depressed planning on killing myself tonight i cant pursue my passion because i cant get a job to fund my passion the only reasoni am still alive is because of this girl at school and she doesnt knowi amsuicidal,1
just want someone to care before school started i was really confident and knew what i was doing now a month later i am seriously considering killing myself the only thing really stopping me is fear and my family at this point i feel likei am not useful for anything i barely have a place among my friends and only get invited to places because i dont talk much mostly listeni am not attractive my grades are starting to slip not very good at a lot of things either not sure where all my confidence went but i just want this to be over suicide or getting over it i think it mightve started at the realization that no one actually cares a lot for me sure my parents care but it feels like they dont understand and would just try to force religion down my throat anyway ive never had a best friend girlfriend or anyone who actually asks howi am doing starting to think the world easily forget mesorry if it got off topic this has been building up for awhile,1
72 hour holds are bullshit do they think they are helping by forcing you into a hospital do they think they are helping by threatening you do they think they are helpful when they are lying to you when you get 5 different stories from 5 different people on what is about to happen to you if that ever happens again the cops will have to shoot me dead to get me in that ambulance wont be easy becausei amwhite but if i threaten them with a big knife that should do it fuck 72 hour holds ive never known anyone that this helped and a lot of people myself included that it harmed ,1
i dont know what to do i just feel so helpless my problems aint such as no money unemployed having a disability its just my family and surroundingsi amunder 18 and even tho my monthly income would be enough to live alone i cant sincei amunder 18 my parents are treating me horrible and give me the feeling to kill myself every day and i am really close to it everydayi am in work i just love to stay there since i know i dont need to see my parents there sadly my father works at the same company so he visits me sometimes and just make me feel worse in front my work matesi am not sure if he doesnt know how bad of a father he is but he just doesnt seem to know he things hes doing the best even tho he just makes me want to kill myself added to that my parents are extremly intolerant to unnormal things like not being born in the same country we live ineven tho theyre not themselve different sexual orientation and so on being a bisexual guy doesnt benefits any of that everytimei amoutside with my parents and they see someone who doesnt behave like a normal guy or girl they just talk hours about i will they are and weird making me feel even worse my internet access is capped as well i have none at phone and none at my computeri am not allowed to go outside of the city and if i leave the house in my spare time they always question it and want to know exactly where i am and why or dont allow me go at all i just want my own life my own decisions and if i dont manage to live alone and end up killing myself i will at least know its my fault and i fucked up,1
i dont know where else to go i dont know anything anymore other than cops are going to kill me they tased and beat me in a restaurant about two months ago and i may be losing my mind i am just the asshole that no one gives a shit about the truth of the matter is that they saw me and had already made the decision to fuck with me i probably fucked up your life in some way and i know that love isnt enough to fix a fucking thing whichever one of them pulls the trigger is doing a bigger mercy for me than theyll ever know which is why i know i wont do it myself,1
feeling worthless as another birthday is coming up i will first start off by saying that i do have thoughts of suicide but not thoughts of going through it just ways of starting with that saidi am not in a state of mind where id follow through with any of the thoughts id understand if this post isnt allowed for that reason i am feeling worthless however i will be 25 in a few days with absolutely nothing to show for it ive went to college for a year trucking school for about 67 months have had 2 jobs with 1 being for about 3 weeks and the other being 2 days bottom line is i quit everything and now its left me trapped turning 25 with barely any experience or anything i also have a school loan from trucking school for 3 grand that isnt very much compared to other school loans but it sure is when you arent making anything the problem is that i have a mild stutter which makes interviews really difficult to get through especially if i get nervous for that reason i didnt even apply for a job for about 6 months due to just giving up a few months back i said fuck all of that and started applying to places got a few interviews but nothing turned out then i got a job from a temp agency which was the job i quit in two days so nowi amright back where i started its just a horrible feeling watching other people from your class in high school starting to graduate college starting to advance in their careers and such while i have absolutely nothing i really want to be a meteorologist as ive always been obsessed with that sort of thing but i need a job to be able to pay for gas and such to even go to school the locationi am in is really crappy for job opportunities as the closest decent sized town is 2030 minutes away so its not likei am in a city with tons of job openings or anything i dont really know what kind of advicei am looking for but i feel like getting everything off my chest is a great start,1
help please i joined today as am not coping and time is running out for me dont know what to do the thoughts are so strong i dont to die,1
living 18 years is enough right i mean 18 years sounds like a lot 18 years of anything sounds like too much 18 years of swimming studying eating all sound too much 18 years of life is way too much,1
feeling like calling it quits hey everybody new to reddit here and i am not sure if this is the place to vent but i just need to get this out there ive been on this earth for 19 years and i still dont know what love is ive never felt like i belonged to something someone or somewhere and i am not talking about having a gf i dont share a mutual feeling of love appreciation acceptance or value with anyone i love other people like my friends janette danny david and my family my mom my dad alex beto jose but i dont feel very loved or appreciated like its been so long since ive been genuinely happy i think i forgot how it felt i was recently diagnosed with high functioning autism too and i just feel so angry about it why did it take so long to answer the question of whats wrong with me my relationship with my family is frigid at best my dad is almost never around job my mom is always angry at me and i dont know why is she just angry at my being my personality how i look why is she so angry at me alex and beto are busy so i dont talk to them a lot jose hardly likes me bci am annoying i dont like being home this place seems so hostile so unnatural this house doesnt seem like a home i feel nervous to leave my roomi amafraid of getting in trouble i will wait until everyone leaves than i will leave my room my friends are a lot of fun to be around its the only time that i get to smile and relax laugh even id do anything for them since they make me feel a little good but sometimes they make me feel very bad too janette especially i think i hold janette the most dear i think i actually like her romantically she has cp which makes it sometimes painful to walk for her whenever she is hurt i feel very sad and bad so i try my best not to cause her any discomfort or let her feel bad this is hard bc i mess up a lot and misread things she gets annoyed angry and distant sometimes and then i feel like i shouldve have done what i did or even hung out with her bc if i wasnt there she wouldnt have felt that way i mean for her feel good bc i love seeing her beautiful smile her amazing laugh her pretty hair her glazing eyes her endearing voice her petite cute stature i dont think she likes me that way its okay i guess i dont feel like i deserve her she deserves to be with someone she loves we still have a good time together maybe after i become a us marine shell come around this is the only thing that keeps me going this hope of becoming a marine and feeling a belonging in the usmci am already enlisted i just need to wait until my boot camp ship date this is the only reason why i havent killed myself yet i told myself i wouldnt hurt myself until then i only need to survive until then my autism torments me as well i cant tell people how i feel i can write about it though but the speaking words dont work i cannot feel love but i can feel anger and sadness so clearly why i hate breaking down feels bad i feels so useless and pathetic no talents no unique personality traits no one to lovei amalonei amsurrounded by negativity so much and not enough positivity i feel so hollow empty like you could open my chest and it will be emptyi am tired of it alli am tired of being so tired i depress myself just so i have something to feel i know its bad but i want to feel human i dont care if i feel awful its better than not feeling anything at alli amjust tired of it i need a break from it i want to kill myself but i want t be a marine too i said i will kill myself after the marine corps maybe my life will be better do or die right hahah feel free to say anything advice statments thoughts feelings anything ,1
suicide is not the only option but its the best option i think todays the day they say that there are no magic bullets but i can think of one a real bullet all my problems instantly solved i never have to deal with anymore bullshit it all just sounds so easy i have my method all worked out and ive tried it before last time my method broke but i got something stronger this time if youre wondering why its for a few reasonsi am tired all the time and either sleep for 2 hours or 12 never a normal amount i am currently suspend for bad grades in my shitty college and my bad grades are stopping me from transferring somewhere else even if i had the energy to go back ive spent the last 3 years of my life trying to get better including getting on medication and seeing therapists and theyve all done jack shit i dont have the patience for one more useless pill pointless hospital stay or fruitless therapy session ive got no girlfriend which is honestly for the best since all id do is drag her down my friends all left for different schools and i didnt make any permanent friends when i joined clubs i have no one but my dad and i cant talk to him about this i have no energy and can barely leave my bed most daysso here you go guys one last chance for the magic bullet words that make my life worth living before i end the charade i once called a life ,1
i feel lost over the couple of days i have been feeling really depressed i feel like nobody loves me school is bad and i feel like everything gonna go even worse in the future i dont feel anger anymore just pain and sadness should i just end it maybe you can help me,1
i hate living with my brain i cant handel it if nothing changes i moved away and started a new school wherei amsupposed to live and make new friends but its same old shit same mental problems i just cant get over the voices that are constantly filling my head with doubts making be overthink things and making me say stupid shit i have allways been the weird kid ive just gotten better at masking it i feel like a fuck up a screw up i lose my temper over the stupidest shit i get annoyed at small noices and i judge allmost everyone in my head because of my own shallow fucking mind sett so many times ive tried to fix this shit woken up with hope but its all so poinless a small victory means shit it will allways end up the same fucking place i have never gotten close to taking my own life but i have thought about it before i just want it to stop just for a whilethere is so much pressure to be social i just cant handel iti am not good at making friends why do i have to be so shit at everything as well how the fuck am i suppose to have any confidence i have this fucking urge to have everyone like me it fucks with me so bad i just hate it the worst it that i should have a good life i just cant fucking do it everything needs to be perfect fuck me fuck me i just want to be at peache i constantly feel like i need to be popular why idk i just feel so hopeless thats all its the same shit on repeat i thought i would be more at peache when i was older but i am not i might end it i just dont know,1
my family likes to tell me no one wants me around and tell me to shut up wheni am so depressedi am sobbing for hours i really feel likei amjust a burden and no one wants me around i have no one to talk to that sounds like a hard situation i am here if you want to talk about it,1
hii amwriting this for advice anyone might have for me ive been depressed probably from the ages of 12i amnow 27 and have just come out of a 2 and half year relationship luckily ive opened up to friends around me regarding my mental health and theyve been determined to make sure i seek help which i have donei amseeing a 70 an hour psychiatrist and have been taking citalopram for the past month just to get a few things straight when i was in my teens i didnt really understand the term depression or that it was something id consider myself being i just felt how generally low but i thought that was puberty and this is how most people feel since coming out of this relationship i feel like its brought back my old self and i can now see it as it was beforedepression the medication ive been taking isnt working ive been given beta blockers propranolol which ive been advised will help i just feel like since ive been on this medication its made me feel worse my mum is a pharmacist and has told me that citalopram can be known to take months to start working i dont feel like ive got months left in me before i start making irrational decisions ive been self medicating etizolam as a means to stop negative thoughts and on multiple occasions considered taking all of themi am not really too sure whati amexpecting as a reply to this post i guess i just dont really know where else to turn to at this point in time and i feel like opening up to anonymous strangers on the internet is a lot easier ,1
literally dont see point of living i have endometriosis and i am19 most days are spent taking pain pills from my parents and curled up in bed i drag my ass to class and try to do good in my major until i have a hysterectomy which no doctor will perform untili amat least like 23 this is my life its miserable and painful and id honestly rather opt out ive never been particularly positive or motivated but right now i see no point in continuing to exist here if i stay i will be miserable and unhappy until i have a hysterectomy i will put myself in debt until i graduate and then work a meaningless job for decades and finally my body will give out and lll just die even my parents acknowledge that ive been screwed from the beginning with their genetics i honestly wish they never had me if i die i wont have to deal with any more pain or depression or shots or surgeries sounds like the better deal,1
am not strong enough to live when i was younger i was much more fit to live but last few years changed me and i have become very weak and sensitive to everythingeverything has become impossibile and 10x more harderi have no motivation to even be emotionaly strong againat this point death is my only futurei have my method ready,1
i sort of just want to become one with the earth with the universe humans are miserable i understand this entirelyi live in a metro area with huge socioeconomic inequality it is affecting me mentally pervasive sense of alienation bouts of severe depression etci read this board probably like many because it makes me feel less ashamedalone for struggling so hard to feel hopefulyou guys this country is in crisis in many ways we have a culture where so many are struggling financially due to chronic underemployment and low wages chronic stressdepressionanxiety high rents and living costs and a culture that puts a huge premium on the superficial ego status materialismhalfwhite i grew up around white social conservatives who reviled the government and stigmatized depression you just snap out of it mentality and who saw chronic struggle as a sign of weakness its obvious that this country is full of people who are ignorant negligent about the pain suffering of those around them its selfserving and just awful to witnessi am trying to studyunderstand buddhism for survival and just about everything i read makes me realize how this countrys culture pushes the inverse of the consciousness that underlies buddhism our culture emphasizes ego status materialismi just dont want to live in n america for a while bc i live very near dci am trying to learn about how to prepare for a stint in the peace corps etc,1
i just cant do it anymore it hurts so much i hate myself so much i just want to die so badlyi ampathetici amfat and ugly and covered in scars and just all around an awful example of a human being i dont have any friends in real life anymore since i left school theyve barely talked to me i frustrate and anger my parents more and more lately they used to yell at me occasionally but now its pretty much every day my brother used to look up to me but nowi amjust a disappointment i havent done schoolwork in so long my entire 11th grade year was just me rotting in my room i used to be smart too straight as in a top school but now i can barely do anything fuck ive done so many horrible things to the people around mei ama disgusting excuse for a human being theres no point at all i dont want to live anymore i hate everything about myself and my life i wish i could start over as someone completely different it hurts to be alive physically and mentally and emotionallyi amon meds i have been for over a year my therapist quit in june and i wont have a new one til october i dont even know whyi amposting here if any of you actually knew me youd agree about how much of a waste of space i am i just cant not anymore i hate myself so much i always have i remember hating myself at age 7 because i was too fat one of my earliest memories is being called piggy by my cousin god just what do i do all 17 years of my life have been full of mental i willness and me being a burden on the people around me if it werent for my parents being crushed i would have killed myself a long time ago but theyre angry at me all the time now i know it would be better if i had never existed i wish i was dead everything hurts ,1
drunk thoughts oi its just some drunken fuck its someone who has a family that loves him and would do anything to help him trustworthy loyal and sincere frends and a good bunch of them but still he wants to fucking die he hates this because he should be happy and grateful for what he has he has the potential to be whatever he wants he is not stupid but he finds no happiness no interests no motivation everything is dull and grey for him he cannot feel loved nor love everything is an i willusion for him and he is so fucking idiot cause he gets drunk only to make his thoughts flow to make them fluid and to lose control of his mind for a bit he also writes in third person this time oh the strange effects of alcohol fuck life fuck all i dont fucking care about anything i just want to end myself today i discovered that you can die eating hemlocks root looks doable and effective enough they say a bite is enough but i will fucking eat a salad of that also they say a successful attempt to suicide only comes after several failures that wont be my case everyone will be shocked and i will laugh in paradise because i deserve paradise sincei amliving hell on this earth this place is terrible i want to wake up i cant feel love i cant cry,1
will kill myself if nothing changes soon same as before still struggling to find worki amcurrently doing things to give myself the best possible chance to get into work ie fitness eating right doing work experience in a sector to hopefully get into something but nothing is happingi amfed up and set a death date if nothing changes soon which i wont confirm if not hpefully natural causes takes me out before my life is currently in the balance ,1
i wish i could just stop breathing i dont think i can do it anymore everythings pointless i dropped out of uni and i just see all my friends around me graduating and looking to the futurei amstuck in a boring job on low pay i feel as though i will just be stuck like that ive messed up every good opportunity ive ever hadi am so skint i cant afford to do anything all my money goes on my car rent food and billsi ampermanently in my overdraft i just feel so lonely and cut off from everyone but i dont even want to talk to my friends because my life is so shit its almost embarrassing i cant even pretend to be happy so its easier to not see anyone ive been suicidal before and tried before but i think ive had enough now i live with my boyfriend and he doesnt care about me anymore he wants me to leave to move back in with my parents but i know they dont really want me there and he doesnt want me here so nobody really wants me anywherei am so sick of being sad and alone and bored and jealous of everyone around me i cant do it anymore i just wish i could stop breathing,1
confessed to my boyfriend came home from school feeling ready today things just arent going well and i was feeling like i have no future i actually still feel that wayi am not feeling suicidal at the moment but i ended up confessing to my boyfriend that i had the urge earlier and he just made me feel worse saying hed kill himself too and how hed do it and how it would affect those around me and how selfish i was beingi am not sure whati amexpecting from posting this but i just wanted to get it off my chest instead of thinking wow i am so loved i just feel angry and more alienated than i already did,1
life is kicking my ass i should just give up now,1
amgonna do it soon see growing up i had an abusive and alcoholic dad he woild beat the shit out of me and cracmes my skull when i was 8 even though my mom then got full custody he still found ways to abuse me and my siblings ans he destroyed my moms self esteem and left her in horrible debt tooi am the baby of 4 kids evee since then ive been diagnosed with chronic depression extreme levels of anxiety bipolar disorder and add after we finally stopped having to see my dad at age 13 my sister lets call her anne got a new boyfriend his name was ashton he would beat the shit out of her so badly and if i calles the cops or did anything he would beat the shit out of me too he ended up knocking up my sister with my wonderful niece who is 1 year old and then finally 6 months into my niece being born we finally got ashton to leave even rhough he will still come to our house and break shit and mess it all up fast foward to 14 years old my friends took me out to the lake i thought to have a girls night but they ended up pulling knives on me and saying if i dont drink they were gonna stab me so about 9 drinks ini am already fucked and i get pulled bejind a bush by a guy and he fucking sexual assaults me ive never told anyone about that until this year fast foward through all of my cutting and anger and sadness to now ive been dating my boyfriend for 9 months 1 month ago he left for college 2 hours away and no biggie because i love him and its great well i went to see him for the first time and he did ntohing but treat me like i didnt exist and i had brought him all of his stuff from home too i was tryong be a good girlfriend because jes a great guy and then when we got alone time in his dorm he got really nice and sweet the guy i fell in love with we then had sex and then after he went back to treating me likei am worthless for about the past 2 months ive been so suicidal and so numb and broken and i really domt feel like i can be alive it hurts to breathe to think i fucking hate myself because i can put all my problems aside and help other people but i never get anu help in return and i am so just done i fucking hate myself and i dont wanna be alive anymore i dont,1
about ready to die soon as of wednesday last week i made myself homeless and upped and left my job as a result i moved back up north and am currently living with my grandparents they are unwell and earlier last night i texted my dad saying thati am going to declare homelessness and i just had to include in the text that my grandparents wouldnt stop bickering and badmouthing me as ifi amdeaf i cant believe i texted him that now as he went on the offensive and started bombarding my granny with hateful texts its currently 5am and the landline has been ringing on and off for the past hour nobody is answering but i know its my dad i fucked up by texting him that its not fair on my grandparents and they are letting me stay i had a lapse in judgement telling my dad thati never thought it would escalate to this i just hope it passes after tonight i assume my dad is drunk right now i sound like a brat yeti ama grown mani am27 years old i regret what happened since wednesday last week i wish i could just die my grandparents dont need this i messed up so badi need a way out i only cause destruction in my path everyone gets hurt in some way ifi aminvolved,1
i want to call but fear my career hi my depression is really beating down on me today and i want to pick up the phone and call the hotline but i dont want to lose my job my job as a security officer requires me to carry a loaded gun on a daily basis and i dont want to be disqualified for calling i have 12 hour day today and need the help is there a suicide text service,1
i was so lonely i ate my own shit as a kid first day of junior year in college and i amsitting in my dorm alone i guess i should be used to this i have friends but they all thinki amdumb they know i have issues but they think theyre so innocent they think my insecurities are about my appearance or height or difficulty talking to girls or some other normie shit and of course if i want them to be my friends i cant straight up tell them whats really on my mind i have to pretend to have other issues i have a couple friends that i pretendi amsecretly gay to another few that thinki amtrans some that thinki amjust anxious because whenever they think they figured me out i run with it becausei amterrified of anyone actually where i truly come from i have dumb friends that thinki amjust dumber than them and i have smart friends that thinki am too smart for my own good i hate that the only way i can stay sane and socialize is to pretend to be all of these stupid fucking normies and they give me all this stupid advice that i could have just gotten looking at quotes on instagram none of which btw have anything to do with accepting yourself when you literally gave up and ate shit at age 12 the ones that think i dont think about things are the hardesti am in this mess because i thought about things too much and i still do nobody has ever written a song about being so lonely and depraved as a fucking middle schooler that ate their own shit my friends think i dont really care about music because i dont bother to listen i listen i just havent heard a song that sings anything relevant even inspirational people well nobody remotely remarkables rock bottom seems to be even close to a 12 year old manufacturing their own intimacy by eating shit pro tip if you cant get normal sex just warp your budding sexuality into something that you can get then when it solidifies and becomes part of you you will never have to worry about getting off again hate yourself for it and regret it even bigger turn on since you can get off to that feelingi keep running away from people and as i get older its getting harder and harder to start over i transferred colleges before last year and honestly as much as i feel like i want to preserve my relationships and make new friends i feel so guilty that i have to lie to them and trick them into thinkingi am not a disgusting subhuman being they dont get why i act the way i do the only talent i have is writing code i fucking hate thati am so good at it that everyone assumes i must be fine like a kid who can shit out so much fucking code isnt a red flag for someone desperately trying to figure something out but everyone just keeps praising me and giving me money and i feel like i dont deserve a reward for being the most fucked up 20 year old toys will keep me entertained for a while and with plenty of money and very few friends thankfully i can afford them but i dont see the point in living if the monster that is the real me has to stay locked away i just leave a path of confused possibly hurt people the world doesnt need that ,1
i have decided today is the day i am going to kill myself i havent decided which method i want to use yet but i will have one picked by the end of the day today hey there bud sorry if your going through a rough time i myself have been going through a couple of few months to start i lost my little sister she was 25 and apparently she was a drug addict which no one foresaw i am left with her 4 year old son to raise as my own as i raised her i amonly 28 at first i couldnt live with myself but as time went on i realizedi am still here for a reason that reason being him there is a lot to live for and youll figure yours out when it comes before i would contemplate everyday in which way i would go out like you nowi am6 months without one single thought through my mind i do not know you nor do i know anything about you but i can assure you that what ever you are going through it will pass my friend and one day you will look back and be thankful you didnt do it because like me i gained a son and now i have all to live for and one day youll have yours just give it time to find your calling best wishes my friend god bless,1
i used to work w celebs but they all moved across the country and now no one gives a shit about me now i will never be famous i want to die howd you get a chance to work with celebs that sounds like a cool experience why did they all move,1
i feel nothing after 14 years of thinking i would be alone i found the one girl that i truly loved and she left me because she had fallen for one of my friends who didnt even have any interest in her and as much as i want her to be happy and as much as i want to support her i feel nothing i dont even feel sad i should be upset or mad or even depressed but i dont feel anything its just numb i cant even laugh at anything i have to put on a fucking show every day and act likei amok just so people dont suspect anything but really i just dont care about anything i just want to fucking choke myself with an extension lead ive tried several times but my instincts kick in and just asi amabout to go out my hands force the cord loose around my neck i just want this hell to end i wouldnt wish this emptiness on anyone not even the people i used to hate with a passion i just cant stand it,1
too scared to end my life i really want to end my life for many reasons i hate being depressed everyday i wake up i have no future i hate the way my life is atm i have no parents i have hardly any friends and i dont want to do anything with my life and i want to end it really badly but i amto scared to do it and i amalso scared of hurting my family and friends soi amforced to exist in a life that i want to end i dont know what to do,1
why is my life so shit so to get started hii amjessicai ama 20 year old transgirl i came out to a couple friends years ago some a couple months ago just a few things to summarize mehowever there is this sociopath in my life who i suspect fond out the fucked up thing is he goes as far as to file a police report making outi ama fucking terrorist mind you i almost committed suicide when detectives rocked up asking me about random shit i know nothing about thankfully there not back who wouldnt when youre getting threatened with 40 years and the detectives are coming off like i did shit to get information out of me good cop bad cop kind of bullshitif this guy hates you that much hell pick things to adopt and pretend to have because he cant manipulate me directly he manipulates everyone around me my parents know nothing about transgender people now thanks to this cunt they think there mentally i will sexual perverts etc all thanks to this guy pretending to be transgender doing fucked up bullshit to attack methe bastard has ruined all chances of me coming out i joked around to my parents saying i was having a sex change there constantly going on about this fuck tard and how i shouldnt copy him etc and that i can do anything but get a sex changepersonally i kind of just want to grab a knife and slice my fucking neck until i dieto give you a idea of how low this cunt is when he found out i had depression and selfed harmed in high school though his mother mother is best mates with mine etc every class i was in he would suddenly be depressed make out he selfed harmed than would go on about how badly he was bullied in life etc literally copying my sob story fucking cunt i already feel no one cares about me and youre confirming itwhen he found out my dad was abusive and had bipolar whenever he was around me he would go upto random people abused the fuck out of them and say oh sorry i have bipolarthanks to him every fucking person around me has a fucked up idea of transgender people and has made it impossible for me to transition and come outmy birthday is in a few days and i amconsidering killing myself then every since i was a child i had nothing but bullying people would always fucking forget my birthday mother would be nice and say maybe they forgot it is fathers day bullshit other people i know with a birthday a week after mine had tons of fucking people rock upim not a person who hates people but personally if it wasnt i willegal i would beat and kick the living shit out of this sociopathic cunt every fucking person he hates he will destroy mentally i suffer constant panic attacks from him i had the shit kicked out of me by bullies he would make out that i was the fucking bad guy yeah totally i get my fucking finger sliced openi amthe bad guy for slapping them in self defense fuck off cunt went as far as to threaten to break my nose and assault me simply for self defense after telling me i should stick up to myselfi just dont know what the fuck to do ive already had to import the drugs i need to transition and risk harming my health due to this fuckheadbasically hell take the role of a transgender person destroy the image of transgender person he is literally going around saying he is mentally i will cant help wearing dresses and being a sexual pervert etc just to fucking get at me for some fucked up reason that i dont knowhe knows thati am still transitioning and not giving a fuck so he has stopped because its making him look like a fucking moronpps999 of trans people dont fake being transgender just like 999 of cancer patients dont fake cancer etcthe thing with this guy is if he finds out something about me the next day hell suddenly have it go around posing like he has it than destroy the legitimacy of such thinghe is so bad at lying that there are holes in every little fucking thing he says yet people believe every word that comes out his mind he did the same thing with my autism he made out that he was autistic for a good week or so while doing and saying stupid shit that makes all of autistic people look badhe does this with every little thing found out i was deaf would make out i was mishearing shit and that i was retarded despite hearing it correctly and confirming it with the news article title that was fucking publishedlast and not least ive been searching for a job that last 2 yearsi am not getting anywhere and i am in a shit ton of debt that is driving me mentalwhile i have been diagnosed with depression and anxietyi am not on meds because my parents think i dont need them and thati amfaking it you guessed it due to the fucking sociopath,1
i am going to die i am unemployed for more than 2 years because of severe depression and anxiety and i could only manage to attend 5 interviews i dont have any hope of getting a job in this life i am in my mid 20sm and ashamed of myself because of this i have good educational qualification but still i cannot get a job today i went for a job interview and it was a fucking joke maybe the hr laughed at me after i left because of my ackward answers i cant even think clearly and my mind goes blank and i stutter and stutter and stutter and humiliate myself i dont have the courage to commit suicide but i will somehow manage and get rid of myself i have wasted a lot of my parents and friends money and i dont want to trouble them anymore i tried everything medication for depression nofap yoga and i am working out for the last one year everyday without fail but still my mind is not normal i got a job interview tomorrow and its my last try i will do my best if am not hired i will kill myself for sure maybe i was born to die like this without any happiness throughout my life ,1
i want to end my lifei am sorry if i sound likei ambegging for invites but i am really notcurrently i have no one to talk to who wont judge me my closest friend always seems to make it out as ifi am in the wrong most of the time and its a shifty feeling i feel like i have no one left and i want to end it,1
having a mental breakdown rn because i cant even kill myselfi amsuch a fucking pussy i really should find some help please do get some help,1
18 years old and sick of it long post i honestly just want it to be over when i think about suicide which for me is a regular occurrence it somehow makes me feel happy i think about the ways i would accomplish it and i ampretty sure i have a plan for it but at the same time i dont want to do the world a favor and off myself because i dont want to hurt my family i have no friends nor am i involved in any social groups as theyve done so much for me both of my parents are in their early to midsixties and they adopted me and my younger brother 16 after we were born but i dont feel likei am worth it depression has been my very own sisyphus rock over the past seven years and just when i begin to brighten up a bit college comes along and depression hits me like a mack truck full of bricksi amonly 575 and 265 lbs ive been trying to lose weight and went from 277 to 254 but gained it back after two weeks of selfhatred and depreciationi amrepulsive to look at have no redeeming qualities and have social skills that would make forrest gump seem like a casanova i havent left my house or my college campus for over a month now and cant find the motivation to talk to people go to the gym or take pride in my school work i the only things i find enjoyment in is playing rocket league and rainbow six siege but i suck at both of those another testament to my worthlessness and reading about and working on carsi just want to pass away in my sleepsorry for wasting your time,1
i called a suicide hotline on my way home from work last night i made a throwaway account because many family members know my main last night at work was a particularly difficult one ideation would not leave my head all night and i didnt know what to do all night i kept thinking of what i should do so i dont have to go through another one of these days i could drive my car off a bridge i drive over the same exact one every single night on my way home it would be so easy i got off work and into my car and broke down i called a hotline to stay on the phone with me until i got home i dont know what to do anymore it gets better and then it gets worse than i ever thought possible i see no future for myself because i just get closer and closer every single timei am so lostthanks for letting me vent,1
long story i need helpadvice yesterday i began a new job working with people on a very close and interpersonal level the reason that i chose this job was because i have felt i needed to use my degree and if i dont nothing is worth it throughout my college career i have known i did not want to work with people that closely and i wanted to be research oriented i come home from my job and something snapped in my head i have been feeling as if the only way out is either suicide or suicide nothing looks hopeful my so thinks i should try one more day but i feel like i cannot do it and subconsciously ive known i cant do something like this all along i have also needed therapy for months however due to things that have been happening in my life since i graduated i have not found the time to get a therapist stupid excuse i know i feel as if i need to quit get a part time job i feel comfortable and safe at and work on seeing a therapist immediately i am extremely worried about judgment from my so andor family i wont be telling any of them any time soon please help me what do i do i feel no way out,1
amstarting to give up again every time i think about work i think about killing myself i been trying to get a job since mid july ive at least put in 20 applications i have been called multiple times last month but because social anxiety the only phone call i could return was for a clinical trial my social anxiety dramatically lightened for some reason killing myself would be easier i wouldnt have to make money or stress anymore i wouldnt have to worry about medical bills at all in the future i wouldnt have to think about school or how i cant go until i reach my 2 yr goali am trying to find something where i stand on my feet less because the pain is excruciating if i dont but thats hard without a college degree and without decent experienceim getting a strong want to just choke myself to death now we own plenty of things i could use,1
any advice hiim 16 years old and currently at the stage in life where i need to consider what to study at university i have no clue what to study i have thought about dentistry but it seems hard and i cant do it thats why i want to commit suicide i feel i serve no purpose on this planet i have no motivation to work or study and i dont want a job i enjoy sitiing on my laptop please can someone ofeer me any advide thankssorry for bad englisj from spain,1
visiting a new psychiatrist triggered a panic attack with intense suicidal thoughts please help i am really suffering right now what kind of help,1
back to school if i fuck up this semesteri am going to kill myself tried and failed before not scared anymore ive ruined my life and broken down some key friendshipsi ama shit student so i dont plan on passing my courses it was all going so well until shit hit the fan i just dont care anymore ,1
i want to stab myself i dont want to kill myself i just feel like i cant continue with all the stress i have so much work and responsibility i want out i want to stab myself in a nonlethal fashion i dont know what to do,1
a method that is the least painful and less chance surviving please only comment if you are helping me with this question because i have already made my mind i am just planning how if someone cares they wouldnt tell me to live this miserable life i will truly appreciate and believe that you care about me if you suggest a less painful and quick method even if it is quick and less chance surviving i can take it i guess,1
what good is a hotline when you have a chronic i willness yeah i called one told the guy everything and he told me he couldnt help me of course he was right i just thought id make a stab in the dark suicide prevention has nothing to offer those suffering chronic i willnesses they cant offer hope for those types when you get older you begin to see that life can be hopeless and that some people have no choice but to bail ,1
rambling about my obsessive thoughts i cried in my car today about how unfair it was that i cant kill myself because it would hurt my family too bad my brother has learning disabilities obsessive thoughts social anxiety ptsd and psychosis my dad is likely bipolar and has attempted suicide and my mom is just a nice freaking person i know they care about me but that doesnt make my obsessive suicidal thoughts stop i honestly just cant imagine how much it would destroy them that said this is the furthest ive plannedi amthinking of who to leave my things withi amglad i done have all that much my head just isnt in the same realm as the living anymore my obsessive suicidal thoughts arent even ideation but like a girl inside myself telling me kill yourself die every 2 seconds on repeat during every waking hour a bit of being called slut whore worthless as well i cant shut her off the only way i know how to stop the thoughts is to shut myself off i really dont know if i can take them much longer ,1
need advice texted me ex cause i was pissed off she blocked my number and i feel relieved and terrible not sure i did the right thing about having the last word been heart broken for months and thoughts about suicide during this time period i wasnt that harsh but not nice either made it clear i was hurt and my intentions to do the same back to her i was tired of being the bigger person and letting my feelings build up inside me was unhealthy and i said some things that i can take back but clearly she played the victim still and made it seem likei amthe bad guy she broke up with me and the reasons were petty just dont know if i did the right thing or not its like i hate her and still love her at the same time i feel like i couldnt gain anything or lose it by telling her off and how i feel any options,1
i wanna talk about suicide simple enough,1
bpd depressed and pregnant hi guys this is my first time writing here yesterday i found out i was pregnant from a guy i was seeing the funny thing is that he not only pulled out but i also took plan b the following dayi amonly 2 weeks pregnant and i amdefinitely getting an abortion the thing is ive been through so much in this life mothers death adoption weird father economic problems housing situations that i dont know if i will be able to emotionally survive i just cant understand how some people like me have such fucked up lives can somebody relate to thisthank you,1
scared of the inevitable i thought i had been clean for a month before a few days ago when i made a mistake i bought a new pack of razor blades after making a point to leave my old ones at home i was determined to get better however instead ive been spending my time the same as always skirting around excuses for cuts i really thought i was getting better recovering not just from self harm but from constant suicidal ideation ive been just as depressed as ever and i have an unshakable urge to just kill myself already it wont go away its driven me to massive breaking points several timesi am not sure what to doi amafraid of myself but maybe finally getting what i was meant to do will help ,1
suicidal sister in hospital what is a good step after my sisters release from the hospital social services are on observation this first 24 hours how can we help as a family for the short and long term effects of this problem,1
i think its time for me to go now ive reached my breaking point this week and feel so oddly relieved likei amfinally being able to breathe again knowing that i will finally get to experience the end i feel at peace with myself now,1
am not worth iti amtruly noti am not worth the air i breathe i hate who i am i hate who ive become i hate the person i see in the mirror ive become such an empty lifeless shell i leech the happiness out of everything ive ruined my life through apathy and laziness walked through this depressing worthless life filled with this and that because woe is me i cant stand myself anymore i used to think i wanted to get better but i dont think i do anymore i think i just wanted to finally give up ive ruined every relationship and friendship i have ever had even my own mother despises me she regrets mei amjobless with no transportation besides a bike in 100 degree weather stuck in a home filled with conflict and negativity but thats my faulti amthe reason for the conflict because ive become nothing but a piece of shiti amselfish and i cant even do that right i dont deserve help i dont want to be a victim becausei am not one i did this to myself and ive known this day was coming for a long long time now i dont want to hurt anyone else but simply by existing i hurt them more the least i can do is make it end my birthday is coming up and maybe thats significant maybe its time to finally close that door i dont even know whyi amherei am sorry but the world is truly better without me,1
am i a coward for not killing myself yet as the title says am i being too much of a coward about this i have been thinking of committing suicide for 2 months now but i cant seem to do it i have a mother who i know just wants the best out of me but the words that she says to me makes me think that she doesnt care about me at all i have friends but i cant even determine if they are truly my friends or just a bunch of fakes i get bullied in school almost every single day video games are the only thing that makes the pain go away but i get addicted my grades have plummetted and i cant even see clearly now i know that people will just say just look at the homeless people you have it better than them but money cant buy happinessi amno longer happy i spend my time at school depressed and when i get home i have a mother who constantly scolds me for nothing but even if they are like that i still think to myself if my pain right now will carry on to someone else or they would not even care if i disappeared from this world would they even care if i hang myself right now i know that it could cause more pain to them thani amexperiencing right now because they will lose their son so basically the only thing that is keeping me from committing suicide is fear,1
i really dont want to live lets start off by sayingi ama teenager ive had moments of happiness sadness everything many times i felt suicidal but today just takes the cake recently i started high school i had one friend in the class i was in yet i decided to change the class so i could be with a friend that i was in class in middle school well i changed the class and he treats me like dust like i dont exist i cant believe this i made my situation from bad to terrible i had one friend to talk to now i have literally none all day in school alone i dont thinki amable to change the class again because you need a replacement person to take the place this really might seem like a minor thing youll make friends in the new class no i wont its full of scum and i have 4 years of this everyday in front of me i left the school early because i wanted to cry and i wasnt able to sit there any longer i had a mental breakdown today and stood on the train tracks thinking if i should end it i decided not then i go back to my house and it appears the teacher called my mom there i had an argument with her i thought that it would get better but it didnt it seems like no one cares about what i feeli amcompletely alone now and this really makes me want to put an end to this in the end we all will die so its basically like a shortcut i dont know i really dont its such a simple thing to fix just change my class back to the old one but these pieces of shit teachers dont give a single fuck about it fuck this shit man ,1
please readi ambreaking hey lately i having been down sad and suicidal i plan on ending my life in a few days due to my reasons i shall say 1 my first problem would thati amlonely i want a girlfriend someone i can hold by my side wheni amsad someone to talk about video games and anime i feel lonely while all my friends are out kissing and fucking random girlsi amhere beating off and sobbing in my bed i can make girls laugh and be my best friends but they never want to date girls sayi amcute i hate having dreams about a girl and we dating to wake up and realize the spot on my bed that she should be is cold 2i amstarting grade 10 in 2 days all friends and family say imma love it but i dont known anybody new school its a trend to be a dart boi canadian fuck bois smokes cigarettes but they call them darts i smoke occasionally but am a skater 50 are nice 50 are dicks last year dart bois loved me but i cant be bothered getting in trouble with police for breaking a guys arm in a fight again lol 3 i hate how my life is plane boring 4 i made a post a while ago ,1
without my psychiatrist i want to kill myself i miss him so much i developed intense feelings for him over 2 and a half years and he let me go 8 months ago the only thing that gets me through my school work is living in the delusion that i will see him again in the future if i study hard and get back to the university where he worksi feel pathetic and i actually thought about buying a rope and hanging myselfi am not sure where i would do it though,1
gawd help me hurricane etc hurricane irma is bearing down on us unlike most other people i have no money to go get hurricane suppliesi amout of food stampsi amunemployed i have no car i posted on facebook for help not one fucking relative has offered me help only one friend outside of facebook has tried to offer me help me suggestions but is unable to provide tangible help i have called for the special needs shelter plus transport because i rely on a medical device to stay alive when i sleep and ive heard nothing from them i dont want to live through this i havent wanted to live for yearsi am not afraid of dyingi amafraid of being hurt and not dying i absolutely am in shock at how absolutely freaking alone i am in life virtually nobody cares my best friend said to me yesterday that nobody wants to hear it and shes right nobody cares i dont want to be in this life anymore wherei am going through fucking hell and not one person not one relative gives one flying fuck ive been cutting but its not providing the relief and calm that it usually does maybe i should just execute my plan before this thing makes landfall,1
the balconyi amworking on the 6th top floor of the office building for the past few days ive used my break to go out on the balcony you know for a breath of fresh air turns out it is so tempting to just dive the first day i went out there i was actually shocked because instinctively i went halfway over the handrailone of these days i will actually manage to do it ,1
i lost 3000 in casino and i wanna fuckin diei amsuch a retarded loser,1
sometimes when it gets too hard to be happy and positive i am drowning and i need a humanshaped lifeboat to hold on close and cling desperately for warmth and safety and thats how i feel today i guessi try so much to be a nice positive person a good person check my post history if you dont believe me but todayi am not strong enough to do that on my owni need helpi desperately long for someone to hold me and to take me in unconditionally as theirs i am clingy insecure and so horrified of being lost again i just dont want to be unhappy,1
ballet frustration hi all i know is silly but i am ballet dancer for quite some years now i am not bad but not etoile either if anybody is a ballet dancer or know somebody who is for sure you know what i mean when i said this is really frustrating after every rehearsal or class i just what to end it all as i said this is silly but this is something i cannot take out of my head some days i fantasies about putting a rope around my neck and other just hit the walls until my hands bleed sometimes while i dance i enjoy it but most of the time i get frustrated seeking perfection i thought many times of quiting but there is this little voice in my head perhaps if you try this you may archive it so i keep on trying i know this is a very stubborn position but thanks for reading i am not expecting amy responses just needed to said it ,1
amliving 95 of my life for the 5i amhappy so yeah 95 of the timei amcontemplating suicide ive been told all my life that its the most selfish thing one could do but is ending your life really selfish if continuing to live would be worse the top reasons i want to commit suicide are as follows1 school this is my first year in a public school ive been homeschooled all my life now thati am in the ncva my grades have plummeted even though i spend a lot more time doing schoolwork as a homeschooler most of my test results were in the college level as a public schooleri ambelow average its absolutely taken over my schedule and its the number one reason i want to die2 my mom she certainly knows how to make my free time miserable she treats nobody kindly not even my dad she has no clue how to raise someone with autism more on that later so yeah quite frankly shes a btch3 my siblings i know numbers 2 and 3 are stereotypical but in my opinion i have the most selfish selfcentered bratty siblings ever at least my youngest brother is cute4 my schedule most of the free time i have i have to lie about my parents dont even know i have a reddit account and they would kill me if they found out at least then i would be happy5 my disorders i have autism and i am80 sure i have bipolar too autism i actually like although it does make my social life awkward but at the end of the day i wouldnt lose it if i could bipolar on the other hand i would gladly lose and the worst part is nobody else knows i have itsorry if that was a bit weird i just like to lay things out mechanically you could say its an autism superpower so 95 of my life is hell the other 5 of my life is wheni amat church and i dont even consider myself a christian wheni amat church i help out in childrens ministry get to see my friends the main reason i havent committed suicide yet aside from me being a pussy is them play video games yeah my church is awesome and just have an all around blast unfortunately 5 of my life isnt enough to keep my goingi am12 and nearly jumped off a wall on wensday i dont know how long it will be until i follow through with itps thanks if you read all that at least theres someone out there who cares,1
who can i turn to ive been in psychiatric hospitals 5 times and i amcoming 17 soon ive attempted suicide more times than you could imagine ive been raped multiple times i have no friends my family hates me and i ambroke to make it worsei amalso resistant to medications and talking therapies dont work for me anyone i know leaves me alone what do you do when your at rock bottom anyone got solid advice causei amlost,1
i will probably kill myself in a week throwaway for obvious reasons i dont want my few friends to know because theyll try to stop me probably also be posting this on subreddits that have helped me to say thanksabout 6 months ago i was dumped by the first girl i ever truly loved before that i was getting helped for my depression and starting to feel better with her by my side everything is different now since ive gotten back to college and back to near her ive stopped going to counseling stopped talking to everyone about howi am doing and acting likei am really happy to when i think about slicing my neck open at least every minutei cant focus on school or friendsi am too afraid to leave my room my school is very small and i dont want to see her so instead i just rot away in my personal hell the few friends i have rarely ask me to hang out or talk to me so i dont have much of a social lifeeveryday all i do is think about my ex shes the first thing i think about when i wake up and last when i go to sleep it hurts me so much to see her so happy and doing well without me whilei am still upset about everything i guess depression doesnt make that any better i wonder if she even still thinks of meive been blowing off classes and its only been 2 weeks ive gone to maybe 3 classes all i do is sit around and watch stupid videos or listen to sad musici was told that this would all get better that after a few months id be over here and thats clearly not the casei am so sick of feeling depressed and even wheni am not thinking of her there is always something else to make me upset i have nothing going for me and life just sucks right nowso yeah after this week i will probably end my lifei amjust going to take this time to say goodbye to the people who matter to me and just so i can take a quiz thats the last thing i need to not do,1
my small size is pushing me towards a breaking pointi ama fat young adulti am not very good at that many things but i do want to get better i know there are things in my lifestyle that i can change and am changingi ameating less food and i amworking out morei am trying bur thats not my problem ive always had self image issues being fat and alli amself conscious about every part of my body and recently ive come to the realization i have a small penis i get this might not be that big of a deal to a lot of peoole but it is to me i can change my hygiene and my weight and with enough work i can get better but i can never change whats down underi dont want to kill myself over this the more i think about it though the more i feel like my genetics are making me let down not only myself but also my parents if i get s future partner would i even be able to pass off the legacy my parents left me to another am i letting them down am i letting my partner down i get theres more than sex and how big your penis is but my penis being small means a lot to me i got a bad roll and its too late to reroll i dont know what i should do anymore but the more i thinj about it the less reasons i find for living if anyone can help please help,1
alone and introspective i hate myself for being this way i have a great marriage husband is amazing and supportive we are very comfortable financially my family is crazy with their own shit going on but are generally loving people friends are plentiful and kindi ameducated and easy on the eyes i turn 32 soon and dont think about suicide as an urge wheni amstressed out or emotional its just kind of an accepted end whenever things get to be too muchbeen dealing with kind of covert depression for awhile with self harm behavior for as long as i can remember suicide always feels like a decentreasonable option like leaving a party you didnt really want to be at anyways its constantly on my mind as a way out just spent an evening by myself today and as i was heading home i casually thought about walking in front of a bus why didnt i i wouldnt want my husband or family to deal with the fallout what would people say loldoes anyone else feel like youre mainly wearing a mask for your loved ones so you dont jostle their idea of your perfect lifejust looking for insight i guess ,1
i hate the idea of suicide but i dont want things to keep going on this way but i also dont think they can be changed i am no superman soi amat a loss nowall i can say is that if you are feeling down for what its worthi am in your corner i dont even have it that bad and i cant cope i truly believe that its who i am too so that be yourself shit goes right out the window it just sucks,1
feeling trapped hello everyone i dont know whyi amwriting this here i guess its because i catch myself contemplating doing this thing more and more the pain is so great i feel it broke something in me the main reason is that i dont feel that due to climate change theres going to be a future for my child where she can live happily and have children of her own this makes me break down every time i see her coming back from work or helping feed her every smile or a cuddle is like a stab in the heart i know she needs me that she needs me to be ok and fight for her but i dont know how to continue like this,1
enoughs enough i really dont know wat to do any more my boyfriend of 10 year has left me i have nothing my life is not worth livin i already self harm and feel like just ending it all,1
death i am always told there are people who is out there to help me but my friends dont response to my messages and when they do they get scared my family the only way i know how to talk to them is by yelling i get frustrated when they try to help why do they bother there is no pointi ama waste of space worthless human being who was probably a mistake school is stressing me out i graduate in 2 weeks then it is exams once that is over i have to wait to see whether i will be good enough to be accepted in uni i am not good enough i wont achieve anything in life so why should i bother to continue living but i amscared i can never do anything right i will probably fail at killing myself the only thing i have available to me would result in death just health implications should i just mask how i feel for the rest of my life get some anxiety meds to hopefully make me function like a normal person i tried but when its been nearly 4 years of suffering sum everything up i hate everything about myself i am not good enough for anything i dont deserve anything in life since i am a pointless worthless human being i envy people who are death i wish i was them,1
i dont know whati amliving for anymore there was a time when i would just buy things online and wait for the package to arrive that used to give me something to look forward to nothing expensive just some small things for my pc or an acccessory maybe but i know that i really have nothing to look forward to in the end after every package its the same old why do i suffer at all i cant really find anything to keep me going,1
should i stay or should i go today is the day but i am having second thoughts i have tools in my backpack to do the deed after work i want to go though with it because i hate myself so very much and i feel like my life in in an irreparable place and i just want this ball of paranoia in my stomach to go away i am scared of the damagei am going to leave behind i have no empathy left for family i could care less how my parents or siblings are going to feel my girlfriend is not going to be to happy about this i have twin daughters who are 10 months old and they are the only people who i actually care for they do not understand all they will know is daddy isnt around anymore no more playtime no more funny faces no more snuggles i want to push through for them but i cant i just cant handle these emotions and this constant whirlwind in my mind anymore i am such a piece of shit for even thinking about this i am in my office right now until 5 and than i want to do it i may go to the hospital instead i havent decided yet either way this is getting settled tonight,1
i set the date for nov 1 advil and bleachi amthirteen and i cut i feel like a failure and a disappointment everyday i wake up alive is a day of money energy and breath wastedi amfat and i dont deserve to live i guessi amkind of at peace for now everything is set up i have a plan thats probably too detailed for my shiti amselfish to think this way i know people have it worse than i do and they care too much for me they should give all their attention to my younger sister shes kind of spoiled but shes really smart and talented i wasted my time when i was younger and didnt work hard enough i ran away from home when i was nine heading for the railroad tracks not to run away after my mom and dad dragged me down the stairs and tried to hit me with a hobby horse i was barefoot and was dragged home by the police from then on i started to be depressed on some days i would withdraw from my family and friends my mom and i fought more often she cared about high math grouping high grades she made sure i didnt read too much fiction she pushed piles of non fiction books at me she told me i wasnt smart she denied she ever said anything when i confronted her i started to cut when i turned eleven just scratches no blood then i found glass and a scalpel i cut deeply until my mom found out she gave me the silent treatment for a day then i found myself halfway up railing on the kennedy center roof in dc on a school trip i regret not jumping i cut more i cried over a bottle of pills i wrote over five separate note hidden in my room i made a plan to jump off the golden gate bridge i saw 3 therapists and here i am nowi amdone with this life a little over a month left ive told myself to stay strong keep the mask ive been keeping for four years from crumbling ive given up all hope ,1
likei amstuck hello never thought id find myself posting here asi am not ready to die although i do live everyday wishing i already was never born since i was in second grade ive had feelings of sadness in me baseless feelings as i grew up quite loved and still am it wasnt until my junior high school years that i really started feeling the way i do i dont want to live the way everyone else does i dont want to work a job and live by societys rules i want to just go my own direction but i cant we live in a world thats run by money i have no motivation to work or earn i just want to do me and go on but i cant i feel likei amjust wasting my timei am not gonna do anything so why am i here now i just wish i was still in the endless nothings of prebirth existing with everything and everyone at once but insteadi amstuck here at 19 with no motivation to take myself anywhere just waiting for the day my parents kick me out becausei am not doing anything so i can disappear and they can forget they ever had me,1
am so afraid i cant do anything that isnt already part of my routine and recently those things have become difficult as well going to work is the only thing i can do alone anymore i used to be able to go ti the store alone but now i have to rely on my brother because my anxiety is so badi am so afraid of what other people think about me how they perceive me and every little thing that could go wrong even if i know that its improbable i have trouble sleeping because i just lay in bed thinking through worst case scenarios of things even though theyre almost impossibleit wouldnt be so bad if anxiety was my only problem but its not ive known thati amtransgender for a while but i cant really do anything about becausei am so afraid there are plenty of people in the community who are willing and able to help me and theyve given me good advice but i am too afraid to do anything plusi ampoor i work in retail and theyve been cutting our hours significantly because of corporate bullshit i was already making so little but now its worsei amalso an alcoholic so i tend to prioritize buying alcohol over anything elseive been suicidal for a long time but these past few months have been so much worse id been putting it off because i hadnt found an easy method but things are so bad that i will do anything if i think itll kill me hell i almost got excited when i heard that irma is supposed to be one of the most powerful storms to hit the us but i live further up the coast so it will probably lose a lot of energy before it gets to me regardlessi amprobably going to kill myself soon because i cant deal with my problems and its all too much for me to handle,1
life is on repeat and theres no way to stop every year i think the same thoughts do the same nothings cry the same tears i want this year to be the last year i want this time to be the last time i want out but my body would rather hang around in this suspended animation i want to turn myself off if anyone can help stop this noise please send me message,1
suicide vent i wish i could just escape who i ami am so dissatisfied with myself i feel broken blah blah getting better is too much work my brain doesnt work like its supposed to feeling broken at all is too hard to accept its too hard to laugh about its too hard to joke about its too hard to talk about its too hard to connect with people its too hard to stop feeling anxietyi ama whining child who would rather complain about how unfair it is that this is my life than do something about it because that feel impossible other people have it way worse than i do some people didnt even get to live this long what the fuck is my problem,1
troubled mind i am a 25 year old male with depression and suicidal thoughts that wax and wane for the past 3 years i feel i am unable to deal with the stresses life brings me i feel so inadequate and useless despite being relatively smart in school and having a degree in chemistry i feel i will never be able to achieve the only dream i have of becoming a doctor this brings me down so much that i have contemplated killing myself many times i know that many people will think i am much better off than they are and i probably am but even where i am i constantly do battle with toxic thoughts that keep coming back i sometimes wish i wasnt alive anymore so i wont be able to let anyone down in the future i have the means to get it done my family really loves me and i shouldnt be crying like a little bitch and appreciate their love something is wrong with my braini am not the same person i used to be,1
am16 i dont want to live anymore i really feel like leaving this life forever and i am sure no one will care ,1
i cant keep doing this i dont care that this is on my main account now i dont want to spill out my lifes guts but i know ive struggled with severe diagnosed clinical depression and suicidal thoughts some attempts for 10 years now with a multitude of different contributing factorsive tried seeking out help ive tried various treatment methods i keep trying to look for reasons to find things that help to find my last desires to live i want to make it through i desperately want to not feel this way i hate when i cycle back to depression whenever ive been making some actual positive progress in life and with myselfam i worth coming out the other side am i worth getting through this i dont believe i can win its getting increasingly hard to pick myself up and try through each day through each moment i feel this impending doom in knowing that if i continue along this downward spiral i wont be able to find any more will or effort to make the choice to keep fighting,1
day 2 curly hair i have beautiful curly hair i never really saw how nice it was until later on in my life when i saw other women of colour rock their curls they were so healthy and bouncyas a child i grew up in a predominantly caucasian town there was one afrocentric boy at my elementary school and one other mixed girl her mix however is japanese and british my mix is irish and bajan my mother never really knew how to take care of my hair as i grew older my grandmother told me to cut my hair thats not true though it was my father who told me to cut my hair i dont know why i stuck to that story for so longi was often bullied for my skin colour my hair i couldnt understand it i didnt get the joke or that i was the joke my mother is a blonde with green eyes i myself have green eyes and brown hair my skin is not very dark yet i was always compared to shiti remember a girl hit me and pulled my finger back as i rose my hand to answer a question i cried of course and when the teacher asked her why her response was as simple as shes different than when i tried to point out the prejudice in her statement i was scolded and sent back to the classroomanyways i later permed my hair straightened it and it was destroyed short dry hair finally into my adult life about 20 years of age i decided to grow it it took a long while for it to repair itselfi wore my hair down at work today threw together the shaggiest outfit in existence paired it with some two dollar flip flops and headed outmy day was the same nothing eventful or new one coworker even said to me you look like you got smashed last night however towards the end of the day many of the girls were complimenting my hair saying how healthy it looked i became really self conscious after thati hate standing out i fidgeted with my hair all the way home i thought my hair looked ugly that day but they kept saying how pretty it wasit adds to me feeling like everything is fake or my perception is incredibly flawed it was comparable to when you see a very fat person and tell them they are fit like its a lieanyways acceptance from my peers or compliments doesnt change anything i still feel so blurryon the upside i finally have beautiful curly hair6 days and counting,1
how to actually stop myself i dont care any more because of being high apparently it was too much to ask to be born into this world without being mutilated within weeks it was too much to ask to have a therapist who didnt do things to me before i finished puberty it was too much to ask to live a car crash that should have killed me and instead left me like this invalid piece of shit i am,1
i have nothing to live for i dont want to be alive i will kill myself,1
hopeless i had a falling out with some friends at the beginning of the year and have only talked to them intermittently since a few weeks ago i was shown screenshots of them trash talking me for something that was out of my control and because i apparently started the arguement again two of them have cut ties with me entirelywhat did i do wrong i never mentioned anything to them i didnt even confront them about the messages why does it even hurt we havent spoken for over a month i shouldnt carejust 8 months of hating myself for not having the courage to talk to them has lead to this and i feel fucking hopeless,1
amfeeling really lowi ama junior in highschool and ive had my first 2 days of school a 16 year old boyi ama competitive swimmer living in canada and am training to go to a prestigious school in the us recently ive lost all motivation to do well in swimming school and anything that feeds success i thinki amdepressed and todayi amfeeling really low ive been sad for a while today was the first day that the idea of taking my own life wasnt a bad one i probably wont kill myself but knowing that my brain some how got onto the topic of wanting to kms scares me and i dont know what to doi am so lost i feel like empty i have one really good friend but i think hes getting really close to my ex now that school started all my other friends seem so fake and one dimensional and distant i dont know whati amasking for from this post but i thinki amdepressed and i amjust lost,1
my depression is getting better why am i still often fantasising about jumping the increased energy and motivation but not full rectification of the problem its why antidepressants have that black box warning do you think that might be it,1
asi amrecovering from being unwll i am feeling so lonely lately things have been rough with medical expenses a hospitalization from i willness and the vomiting coughing etc i am so exhausted today was my first mostly well day in a while but i realized how lonely i am most everyone in my life messages only if i message them a few check in on me but not many i noticed people hate hearingi amunwell but thats all i have to share lately maybe thats why i just miss people and i amstarting to think suicidal again i feel so disconnected from the world anyway just had to put this somewhere i did not feel i had anywhere else to share it,1
both my parents tried to kill themselves last week craziest week of my whole life was called at 4 am that my parents where both rushed to the hospital because they tried to kill themselves this whole situation thats basically flipped my life upside down,1
tried to kill myself and failed last night i tried to kill myself i had been planning to do so for awhile and finally built up to courage to take the plunge my method of choice was oxycodone my mom had a whole bunch from a shoulder surgery that she didnt take some were 5mg and a few were 10mgi havent taken any oxycodone other than when i had my wisdom teeth out 15 years ago so my tolerance was literally zero i didnt count how many i took but based on how many were left vs how many i had when i started i believe that i consumed about 65mg in a single dosei am not a big guy about 165lbs or so i know that people take way more than that throughout a days doseage but thats after having built up a solid tolerance and admittedly i hadnt done much research on how much shouldve been enough to kill me but i remembered seeing somewhere that 40mg can be lethal for someone with no tolerance so i thought it wouldve been enough sincei am not a very big guy and i didnt really eat anything that day what i hopedexpected would happen was that i would pass out unconscious and stop breathing boy was i wrongi simply laid down on my bed kept my eyes closed and waited to die i kept thinking about my dogs that i missed so much and trying to relax and let sleep take me away but it didnt work out like that i felt the dizziness kick in went through periods of profuse sweating all over my body my whole body became quite itchy my breathing became very laboured my heart was pounding uncontrollably after longer than i expected i opened my eyes to look at the clock i couldnt see what time it was and the blurred light appeared to be bouncing up and down the slightest movement resulted in the world swirling slowly around me like swinging a cloth underwater i didnt try to stand but i know that if i did i wouldve fallen straight to the floor i just closed my eyes again and laid there and waited id like to point out that despite all of the physical effects i was feeling my mind was unaltered throughout this entire processit turns out i laid there for at least 5 or 6 hours straight sweating shaking dizzy itchy taking long deep breaths it was absolute hell the whole reasoni amposting this here is because of one very important part of all of this youve probably heard that happens before and i guess its true as soon as i realized holy shit i took the pills this is for real ive really done it i started having 2nd thoughts and debated picking up the phone and trying to call 911 i didnt but it made the experience even more gruellingso all of those hours later i guess i ended up finally falling asleep and i woke up feeling like tremendous shit i vomit at any point during the experience which was one thing i was worried about in terms of failing but i am still dizzy my legs are wobbly and ive only briefly left my bed all day i havent really eaten much except a couple granola bars some water and a cup of coffeeif any of you are thinking about taking pills to end your life its not a peaceful pleasant experience its an absolute nightmarei am still depressed and i still feel deep down like i want my life to end i just wanted to share my experience in case somebody might see it and think twice,1
i want to d i e just d e a t h,1
my only reason to live my angel not long ago i was depressed in fact i still am i wanted to kill myself i thought that no one would ever love me and that no one cared i made a reddit post saying goodbye and the reasons i would give up thats when i found another post it was from a girl in the same situationwe started talking we exchanged numbers a month had passed and i started to develop feelings for her still i believed that she didnt like me back i was wrong one day i was telling her no one loves me she said what if i told you i dowe started dating she lives in the usa i live in brazil she will come to visit me in january but here is the problem she lives in south carolina one of the states that will be hit by the irma hurricanei told her that i cant live without her and that she is everything to me i am so worried about her i love her so much if she dies during that storm i wont be able to keep on living if she left me i wouldnt last a week i would kill myselfwe swore not to ever leave each other even though the distance is great even though she is in college and i am in high school 3 year age difference we will make this happen i love her so muchi am so worried about her i wish i could get a plane now and go there i dont want to live without her i am so nervous i hope shell be okay i would give my life for her i would go through any sort of pain or torture for her i love her i cant live without her,1
anyone else feel like a shell of a person ive been feeling like this for quite a while now i dont feel anything anymore just emptiness nothing excites me anymore its a struggle to just put on a fake smile for family and co workersi amjust ready to leave this world behind anyone else feel like this and changed for the better,1
is it inevitable i am extremely worried for a friend she has a degenerative disease with chronic pain being a major symptom 5 years ago she was relatively normal girlthese days she can barely go out sometimes she is too fatigue to even walk a block she has been on long term disability for almost 2 years the disease is getting worse and depression has been significant and worsening the meds she has to take to control her disease impair her so much she maybe has a few ok hours a day best case scenarioshe has a therapy dog which has been a god send for her interrupts her panic attacks follows her everywhere can lead her to local shops carry groceries they are on a waitlist to join a service dog program that helps those with disabilitiesbut her condo board filed a court removal of the dog within 24 hours notice else a bailiff will remove the dog ive been trying to help her out with this she has very detailed medical information that this dog is a necessity but that doesnt stop the law the final decision if she can stay with the dog or have to leave will be on the 20thi know something is seriously wrong she is very reserved now i encouraged her to make a facebook post and ig account posting all this info she did but shes given up she doesnt have much family or friend support besides me she has accepted that society will just outcast her she doesnt want to fight another day or have another painful day or puking all day i can tell shes exhaustedive even noticed her dog can tell she stays attached to her hip brings her stuffies when shes sad last few times ive visited her she has stuffies surrounding her you can tell she has sort of gave up on herselfi dont know what to do i cant stop this i cant fight the law we live in a very conservative province and victims are typically overlooked i cant fight her disease the only available treatment slows down the progression of the disease but her benefits dont cover the cost of the medication it costs about 7500 a monthi dont think i can post facebook links here so if anyone is interested in hearingshare her story pm me i can link you maybe if she saw there were other people out there that support her it could helpi just dont know what to do anymore this feels so wrong to me she can barely take care of herself she has no where to go she can move away back to her family but she wont have the medical support there it just bothers me so much knowing that she has months worth of pain pills anti depressants at her place i amfearful on minute shell say fuck it she has done it before except this time her life is much much worse less support bleak future outlookdoes anyone have any advice should i just sell my placei am not very attached to it and find a safer spot,1
mom doesnt believe i was suicidal she didnt believe i had mental i willness until now when family members dont believe in mental i willness has anyone experienced thisi am25 year old female and dealt with mental health issues all my life all my life my mother didnt believe i had mental health problems until i shaved off all my hair last year instead of killing myself even when i went to the psychiatrist and social worker she still didnt believe i had depression fast forward a year later to know she accepts that i probably had depression last year but she still doesnt believe i was suicidal even though there were multiple times i tried to end my lifei amokay and i amhappier upswing but i dont thinki am going to end my life just yeti amsemi happy mom doesnt believe i was suicidal she didnt believe i had mental i willness until now when family members dont believe in mental i willness has anyone experienced this,1
some questions about hanging yourself to death hello i will keep this short as possiblei amconsidering suicide and hanging is the only way i can afford at the moment i dont have anything to keep myself up i mean nothing condemned to the roof of the room so i think i will tie a rope to the heating radiator and jump from the window i live in 3rd floor which is far enough from the ground my questions are if i dont get a neck break how much will it take for me to die and will i make any sound during the hanging phase i will do it at night so no one can interrupt my attempt but if it takes more than 2 mins top i will probably be saved and taken into a mental hospital i dont want to live my life swallowing pills and listening to fake motivational bullshit i just created this account to prevent you from doxxing ratting me looking forward for your replies and thanks for reading,1
i dont think i am going to make it hate to post here but its real and i know people here will understandi have been struggling with depression my entire life i recently got out of the military after ten years and have not been able to get my medication that i had to quit cold turkey about 4 weeks agoi was looking forward to moving out of state and starting over with my wife as things were not good for some time and she wanted to sepeerate awhile back and we had about a week ago she told me she did not love me anymore and did not wish to continue the marriage i then found out a few days later she had been seeing her boss the entire we were separated even though for the year we had been trying to work on things i thoughtit sucks man i was molested as a child and raped by a man while i was active duty compiled with a lot of other shit i really have no desire to keep going i have been through large amounts of therapy but i really have lost the will to live the call of the void is constant now i know it will hurt my parents my cousin killed himself two years ago on my dads birthday i just really feel like i have no other choice i do not talk to anyone anymore and spend most of my days alone sorry for venting i was closest i have been to committing in years the other night i am running out of road,1
i want to die notes are already written to send to loved ones reasons to live no longer outweigh the reasons to die i dont want to exist anymore i want to die,1
want to kill myself but i am too afraid to and have no access to a gun throughout my entire life i have been in and out of depression a never ending cycle of feeling a little better and then wanting to jump out a window its exhaustingi amphysically emotionally and mentally drained all the time and i just want to be done its not going to get better ive been told it will and so ive hung on this long but in reality i know it wonti amjust so tired the thing that makes me smile the most is when i think about pulling the trigger how it will finally all be over no more waking up to nothing no more insomnia no more crying alone in the corner of my bedroom no more disappointing anyone no more saying the wrong thing no more looking ugly and most importantly no more of the feeling of emptiness that cant be filled it leaves for a little when i have a distraction but it comes back five seconds later i hate iti amjust so done i want to diei am so tired of cryingi amexhausted its time to go the biggest problem though isi am too afraid i tell myself it doesnt matteri am going to die anyway but i am too afraid of the unknown if i stay alive atleast i know what to expect pure fucking shit but atleast shit is better than nothingness or maybe it isnt thats the thing i wouldnt know if it was worse or better because the unknown i want to go but i am too afraid i also currently have no access to a gun thats the only way i will attempt least chance of failure anyone know how to get a gun unlawfully andor the best way to get over a fear of death thanks,1
life is pointless i dont want to keep living every day is an uphill climb i wake up in a virtual panic attack struggle to get ready whilst my toddler and infant scream cry make messes and put themselves in mortal danger if i want to work out i have to get up 3 hours earlier than usual so i can be home before my husband leaves for workthen i go to a job i am beyond lucky to have and despite my best effort do a mundane job i am buried alive in debt and even after 2 bankruptcies know i always will benothing brings me happiness let alone joy nothing everything is a chore all i want to do is sleepi live so that i can suffer another day why go on,1
am considering ending it either tonight or tomorrow firstly thank you to anyone reading this as the title says ive been having some serious considerations into committing suicide either by tonight or tomorrow depending on how much i prepare this has been something that i have been strongly considering for a few months now in all honestyi amkinda at peace with this decision while the thought of ending my life does sadden me especially considering what i will be leaving behind to my family it also feels oddly comforting its like i have a way of letting go ive cleaned my room arranged my belongings prepared my suicide note and am now just mentally preparing myself i guess if there is anything i fear it would be what happens if i should fail in this,1
been having suicidal thoughts i keep thinking if i dont get what i want and things dont change next year i wont stick around like whats the point of being here ifi am not wanted the way i want othersor my works arent celebratedor my activism is ignored on facebookori ambelittled or treated likei am an annoying bugand dont tell me i should love myselfits hardit wont lastand id rather love others instead ,1
inject me with some happiness why do psychiatrists think medication is the answer to everything they wont provide therapy unless you go on medication or hospital suicide campi am doing better than least year dont have as many suicidal thoughts but i am tired of mental health professionals thinking medication is the answer to everythingi am tired of dealing with horrible mental health professionals that lack empathy i stopped seeking therapy because i didnt find it helpful and things are looking up sorta inject me with some happiness why do psychiatrists think medication is the answer to everything they wont provide therapy unless you go on medication or hospital suicide camp,1
nothing matters anyway living is too much for me i dont want to be here any more i want to think that life has a meaning but i dont think it does i know that for everything good that happens to me i will have to live through so many more days of this its too much all the thoughts and ive done horrible things that people dont know about and i dont deserve anything good even if it would make me happy but nothing does anymore becausei amjust faking the feelings because i like to deny it when somethings badly wrong my situation doesnt matter but i feel like the only way i could stay alive would be to fuck up my life even more and selfdestruct until i die anyway may as well end it when i want itd be so easy as well i know people would be upset but it wouldnt affect me either way because id just cease to existi am not a person who deserves to fix this anywayi am sorry i dont know whyi amposting herei amsitting with a note written and a lot of pills and i am still too scared to do it,1
literally cannot stop thinking about it i dont know where to start or if this will help but i just need to get this off my chest somewhereive struggled with my mental health for years had some good therapy some bad been on a bunch of medications some worked some didnt ive been pretty stable for the past 3 years things took a bit of a turn in marchapril this year and i guess its snuck up on me more than i realised this summer was bad really bad i ended up having to move back to the town i grew up in where a whole bunch of bad shit happened and i put everything down to that like the acceleration of falling into a hole i just sat around in pajamas all day refreshing facebook or wandering from room to room crying and trying to figure out a way to off myself without ruining everyones life i moved again a month ago and started a new job i thought this would help and like maybe for a couple of days things were much better but since then everything has just gone back to how it was before this horrible aching feeling in my chest like someone has died and ive forgotten who it was i cry every dayi am in the toilet cubicles crying at least twice a day coming out and putting eye drops in and going back to my desk smiling as if nothing has happenedi have very little to be down about i have some fantastic friends kind family my boyfriend of two years loves me to bits and i love him even though its been hard to feel that much lately i have an interesting well paid job and a home with a couple of great housemates i am extremely luckybut i just feel so fucking trapped and horrible and when i am not distracted i spend most of my time trying to justify that it would be ok to kill myself i honestly dont know how much longer i can do this i have a big bag of pills in the cupboard and want to just make all this stop i feel thoroughly not cut out for life and just broken i feel like i have some awful defect and as much as it would devastated those people in my life who love me i dont know how much longer i can do this just to save them from sufferingi feel desperate,1
feeling suicidal yet again i dont want to live anymore but i dont want to die and leave behind the people who still love me i dont want to hurt them like that but ive just got so much pain inside i dont know what to do i feel like id be better off not being around anymore but i know this will hurt the people who still love me i feel trapped and in a world that will never accept me and i dont want to be in this shit world anymore its so horrible i dont want to live anymore but i cant do anything about it its a good job i dont have a gun because i would seriously consider shooting myself in the head ,1
last help i am a single 35 yr old woman i lost my father last year mom is in a sorry state very fragile as a child i was not the preferred one and was sidelined for my sibling brother i was led on by my bf for 8 years and now i have run out of options to settle down since i come from india i stay with my family i am not treated well i am also facing issues in my office i dont have friends it feels like not a single soul on earth really cares for me i dream of running away and ending my life every second i just needed a friend but no one cared i only see one way out of this misery and that will benefit everyone i wont be missed for sure,1
i want to talk to someone wheni am still alive any volunteers i amhere if you want to talk,1
i want to kill myself but i cant do it ive been considering suicide for so long its almost unbearable every time i think about it i always end up chickening out because of the consequences id leave behind killing myself would have no purpose since everything thats happened to me up to this point is all my fault i cant handle it but i cant kill myself i dont know what to do now,1
living with a deadline its almost comical how i always fail at stuff it makes me wonder if somehow some goda higher beingthe universe has made a sort of comedy out of my life like the shows where the character keeps slipping up ive always fantasized about dying what it feels like to not be here and what the world would be like without me ever since i was in grade school ive always wanted death to kiss my life good bye and send me off to whatevers beyond the brick wall it was a want that gradually grew bigger and bigger until i was crying for release because i was tired of everything repeating itself of all this darkness and nightmares i justified my want as something necessary all i cause was problems and what the world needs less of is me so i tried and just like everything else ive tried doing i failed ive lost count somehow even in trying to kill myself i keep failing another addition to my list of failures at this rate and luck id probably even be most likely to get myself killed by accident or by some politicians henchmen or maybe a bloodthirsty policeman one can never tell in this countryits been 21 whole years of trying and failing and i think i need rest a long one a deep slumber so i could drift away from this world of mine that is slowly tearing and crumblingi amplanning on trying one more time december this year because everythings too heavy for me thoughi am really trying my best to reach december since i almost find myself really itching to off myself sooner sorry if this is so badly writtenbefore anyone else suggests yes ive tried seeking professional help and failed theres a large stigma when it comes to being mentally i will in my side of the world plus meds and consultation charges are rocket high additionallyi ama useless neet and i could really feel my presence being a burden to everyone i interact with,1
this feels like the end i dont wanna do this for one more day everything feels hopelessi am too ugly to be loved too weak to go on i dont wanna do this another day ,1
amjust angry that i exist i hate being alive i hate it so so much and i am really getting to a point where i could end it all i think the only reason i havent killed myself is becausei amscared but theres always a part of me that truly believes there must be a better optionim so sad that my parents forced me to exist when they didnt even like each other that muchi amsad thati amugly and stupid and generally a horrible person i cant believe i have one life and this is the body i have to spend it in and i wasted my entire youth being sad about it and i cant go back and change it and yet i continue to be the exact same way i sound like such a child but it is so incredibly unfairi thinki ammostly angry because ive really begun to realise how short life is and that we are in fact incredibly mortal i hate the way the world is but what i hate even more is that i will miss so much after i die the complete lack of control we have over when we die and how much time we have makes me want to kill myself because at least then i can be in control of it i dont feel in control of anything anymore i just want it all to stop,1
ive been thinking about doing a very public suicide ive been having fantasies recently about committing suicide in a very public place the last time i did that was falling onto the metro tracks but i was saved at the last minute but now ive been thinking about a very public suicide maybe jumping out of a window of a very busy building into a crowd of people would be a good way to go i was also considering stabbing myself in a busy shopping area and slowly bleed to death while everyone watches on if i could get a gun i cant in the uk i would shoot myself in the head in the middle of a busy street where everyone can see i would also try and get run over by a train again and see if i can get run over or maybe stabbed by another person there is endless amount of ways i could go and leave my shit life these fantasies have been creeping up in my mind lately as well as in my dreams and it makes me feel thati amready to go my life has been shit for so long that i wish i could end it now but i would much rather make a spectacle out of it i hate my life and i dont want to live anymore i fucking hate myself i hate my body i hate myself for not being as good as i should be i hate living in a shit place and i hate knowing that my future is fucked already fuck my lifei am going to kill myself and i dont give a shit what other people think no one cares about me neither do you guys youre just here because you want to make yourself feel good when in reality you do not care about anyone here whatsoever this world sucks and i cant wait to leave in the best way possible ,1
my family is against me i have no friends to turn to my family is turning against me because of the mistake i didnt doi dont have friends to whom i can pour my heart toi really dont have a reason to live and i m serious this time i have been suicidal onoff but this time is last time i m turning suicidal,1
amexhausted depressed and a majority of everyone i know would be loads happier if i were to end my own life i wake up every morning to at least 2 people calling me names insulting me or abusing me in some shape way or formi am tired of being called virtually useless wheni am doing everything i can and when i already do a lot i know that if i killed myself i wouldnt have to hear this any longer which is the thing that seems the best to me i am convinced that i wasnt meant to make life past high school graduation and the thing is its my senior year and i graduate in may i cant go a day without thinking about how purposeless i am i dont know whats keeping me here i have no real reason to be here ive had very little life experience i guess i wont make it in the real world i wasnt ever very social or liked or loved i know my suicide would hurt a few people but then againi amat the point where i dont really care it might be selfish to some but in my opinioni am doing a favor for myself as well as a few other people how is doing a favor selfishi feel like suicide is my last choice but i amterrified of what comes after death i dont want to fail i dont want to live after a failed suicide attempt ive failed suicide attempts before i amterrified but i just want to end it i want no more pain abuse or depression i just wanna be gone i dont know the point of me posting this here its not really serving a purpose maybe someone can relate maybe notcomforting words would be appreciatedi amat one of the lowest points in my life ,1
i wish there were specific depressionsuicide resources for nerds or other smart people deleted bc idgaf anymore and this subreddit is dragging me down even more,1
i hate my country and this world so much i am not going to lie about this i am a chinese i hatred communism i hate majority of chinese are so conceited and stupid they bragging about their 5000 years history but tend to forget their life is in a shithole they are ignorant always judge people when the situation is not clear or they think they have understood the whole situation they are idiots thinking that chinese is the hardest and language with dense history in the world but never thought that other languages have their charms they are foolish more child equals more fortune is a goddamn idiotic phrase i have heard in my life some poor chinese people are struggling with their life but still want to have more children in some poorest villages many leftbehind children are straving and staring at villages gate to wait for their parents to return from outside work many parents only go back home once a year some of them dont have money to buy a return ticket they are hypocritc many chinese people acting friendly to you but doesnt mean they will not backstab you they are jealous why there are many talented people immigrated to western countries because in china nobody care if you are smart or talented if you dont have relationship with certain powerful people your talent is a waste they envy they envy western world while screwing up their country they are heartless they dared to add poisonous ingredients into baby milk powder they are arrogant and narcissist they only care about their family and not give attention to puclic courtesy they will cut the line whenever they want or never queue up they are dirty just to see the environment they are hopeless i grew tired of being a chinese dont be fooled by china major city they are just the image that regime want you to see deep inside china people are suffering they can also be timid and scary timid in front of government officer and be scary in front weakling i hate this world for give me such a negative environment for my upbringing i hate myself i am going tot end it once for all,1
i cant talk about it we may not spend a lot of time together but the only people close to me are the ones who can help me feel better and i feel like if i were to tell them about it would kind of damage the relationship if that makes sense not necessarily ruin it but hanging out with them would definitely be different and i dont wanna lose what we have but if this keeps going on i will lose it anyway,1
fucking end everything 14 years old i m 14 years old it could sound pretty crazy that at my age i want to end everything but it s the truth since 4 months i have suicide thoughts i been a cocaine addict since 12 cause family problems and life has only getting worse than ever i had talk with my only true friend but she didn t even helped only make me feel worst i don t have nothing to lose so here is my last hope to live if anyone thinks that could help me give it a try,1
amfucked up i thought i was becoming happy all downhill again dont want to go therapy but want to i like my shitty minimum wage job boss and coworkers but i hate being 25i am tired of everything i have difficulty connecting with therapists finding a good therapist is like buying a good pair of shoes or buying a cari am tired of being 25 suicidal thoughts over teeth depressed about how fuckboy doesnt like me sad because i didnt get the job offer disappointed that i dont have any good offers just amazonim just tired over everything my past is messed up therapists triggered me i have a fucked up past because of fuck boys from my past yet i still want guys validations single for five years because i was uncomfortable around guys ex abusive guy friends bad relationships etci wish guys liked me i wish someone would offer me a job i wish i wasnt who i am i hate my teeth i hate looking in the mirror yeti amobsessed with makeupi am tired,1
i just dont want to be here anymore ive been listening to that song by logic 1800 blah blah its like the song was written for me i feel such pain constantly under the surface nobody in my family knows about it ive become very good at hiding my depression out of shame but sometimes i let little jokes about suicide slip thankfully people saying i am gonna kill myself has become mostly a joke even a meme as long as i laugh after saying it and say just kidding my family doesnt get i was trying to keep it together and nt cry i just dont wanna live my life has been so bad that i want it to end i dont even know just please ,1
worried partner my partner suffers from deep depression and is showing signs similar to previous suicide attempts but is closed off of me and their family any tips on getting them to talk about their feelings before its too late,1
withdrawal from paxil is no joke this is horrible this drug should not be legal if this is how you feel while trying to get off of it feel like ive had motion sickness for the past week cannot find any relief for the nausea or vomiting actually felt like i was shaking last night if this actually lasts 6 weeks there is no chancei am going to make it ,1
i dont know if i can do this or if i even want to anymore i wish i liked me,1
my six year old is tucked away in bed if i dont wake up tomorrow hell be a millionaire at my age and that gives me pleasure i cant find joy in life anymore everything has been an uphill battle and i cant find the strength to keep carrying on i just wish i could find a reason why i still should keep fighting and i canti amstuck in a downward spirrel and cant find a way off this ridekilling myself would be extremely selfish of me to do if i didnt have a child i wouldnt even give it a second thoughtim sick of feeling this way i want to feel normal again i want to love life,1
am going to kill myselfi ama 14 year old girl and i want to be a boy nobody cares about me i just play video gamrs all day people lie and say they like m but i know theyre all juwt pretendingi amsick of all of this i want to die i wish iwas normal,1
i fear for my future i am 25 but i am afraid i wont make it to 40 i live with my mother and father my sister moved out when she marriedi am sure i have aspergers and i know i have depression and social anxiety i have a very hard time holding down jobs i dont really get on with my parents as they are very old fashioned irish types who think you just need a job to sort out your depression they love to slander me behind my back my mothers favourite hobby is slandering people especially her siblings i have bad genetics with alcoholics and depression in my close family background i cant move out as i couldnt afford rent and even if i had a job i still couldnt move out as i wouldnt be able to fit in with housemates i am essentially beat both ways and unfortunately i worry that i will be gone by aged 40 though i suppose that wouldnt be that bad since i would have lasted longer than many of my forefathers from 100 years back,1
ehi am not 100 sure when i might take action to kill myself yet but i am going to get ready soon my gcses are around the corner and the only subjectsi amgood in are science and math that doesnt matter sincei am in the n level stream i may be one of the top students in class but my other subjects can drag me down and i amactually really fucking stupid other than all the education stress bulimia decides to cling onto me since june of 2017 ive been doing it nonstop since it takes up most of my time now and i would either 1 starve or 2 spend 3 hours each binge and purge sessionfamily issues also barged in near the beginning of the year where this drunk prostitute from my fathers side of the family decides to barge in and thinks shes superior enough to let her hatred towards my mom drive her to spread rumours and manipulate other family members she tried to physically attack my mom at one family gathering and i ended up fighting and strangling the bitch now i feel nothing but hatred and betrayal from the family because everyone begged me not to call the police stop fighting etc i only recognize my dad and mom as family now despite them hating each other sometimes my dads side of the family comes to visit my dad and when my mom isnt at home they would take the opportunity to talk to me but i would throw shade at them or give them short answers sometimes they give me money as if they fucking pity me or are trying to bribe my trust fuck i dont want to feel like a orphan or a beggari am doing well without having to deal with them as much as i had to in the fucking pastdad is basically driving himself insane since hes getting old and skipping multiple work days he also tells me constantly about how he doesnt want a funeral and just wants to be cremated as well as reminding me that when i leave the houseget married hes going to kill my mother slowly torture etc hes all words and no action did i mention he stays home 247 most days and is racist as hell he denies being racist but all his verbal remarks and actions with our muslim neighbours differs my mom is just lonely and barely hanging on trying to help this sack of burden here to get a good education live healthy etc etc but shes kind of a hypocrite and has 0 knowledge about food and nutritionjust like my dad and tries her best to ignore other possible mental disorders i might have ptsd from the family fight depression from bullying in kindergarten primary and secondary school anxiety from wherever the fuck it came from i have had panic attacks infront of her i have randomly started crying infront of her i have screamed and yelled at her because i was too scared to eat but she just always tries to blame it on something else this is what happens when you use the internet so much you got your fathers genes etc i had three very close friends one of them is skinny and emotionally abusive girl another pretty and charming girl and one funny and reckless guy lets name them x y and z respectively y left me first because apparently she has found other friends who are much more humorous and flattering then z because he found that my personalities and humour was dying along with my body through bulimia and x she hasnt left me yet just constantly sticking to me on my worst days to drive me insanehaha yeah thanks for letting me rant reddit ,1
i dont wanna fight anymore ive been more or less depressed for 5 years i dont wanna do this anymore for me life is constant pain also physicallyi amaddicted to opiatespain killers i have absolutely no energy to do anything i cant go to work i dont want to see my friends at all anymore becausei amjust so tired i feel pathetic living like this and i amjust a burden to everybody else this aint life its just me trying to survive day after day my family and my boyfriend are the only things keeping me alive mostly because i dont wanna hurt them by killing myselfnothing can make me happy anymore i dont even wanna be happy i dont want anything anymore nothing really matters and i amjust wasting time here i think i should just quit,1
getting ignored by other redditors is awaking my histrionic personality so i keep posting shit posts and gain even more ignoranceoh suck this is killing me why is reality even better than internet how could it be omgomg hell the shit pisses me off,1
loved one of a suicide victim what does it feel like for the family and friends of suicide victims how does it feel 10 or 20 years after do you ever get to find a peace of mind about it ,1
freshman in high school i knowi amyoung i dont care my parents are abusive my class has already made friend groups the kids from my old school have been settling in fine i have a feeling my only friend thinksi am annoying i failed getting valedictorian for middle school it was my dream ever since my older sister got iti ama failure nobody talks to me at school they wouldnt care if i died i knowi am too young i dont care i want to dieedit i cant believe the amount of advicei amgetting i love you all,1
i guessi amdone my whole life ive had a different aspect on life ive never truly been religious nor thought about my future its my senior year ive had one attempt and hospital stay which helped temporaryi amtaking online classes and have a few months till i can grad and enlist but i dont want to i have amazing family members who have pushed me torwards it and getting different certifications to help me get a better job in the army but again i dont want to i constantly have sad thoughts at night driving wishing i had someone to text and risk my life whole driving to talk to tonight i went with friends and seen it a few girls were with us and i hit it off with each of them but the one i liked the most turned out to just be a hoe apparently my buddie and another friend were planning to run a train on her showed me texts and everything then she didnt snap me back so i guess my confidence took a hit another girl hit me up on instagram and dont get me wrong shes hot but shes not my type shes the type to over react to scary stuff and act like shes a baby i guess i just dont see a reason to livei amlonely but only because i can never be happy with what i havei amprobably going to do it tomorrow after drinking some and maybe smoking i want to go out happy and on my own terms thank you guys for taking the time to read this,1
i dont think suicide is selfish i cant hang on for other people i am in too much pain i cant hang on any longer just to not make other people sad they dont have to feel my feelings day in day out,1
feeling overhelmed currently looking for ways to kill myself 23 been depressed for the past 10 the few friends i had moved elsewherei amcurrently living in my small and dead town with my two parents besides them i am completely alone i never had a girlfriend ive always loved one which never saw me as anything more than a friend and i never even tried to tell her my feelings knowing how fucking ugly and repulsive i am and she is now living her life god knows where i have no past no present and no future ive been sleeping 10 hours for the past few months to minimize my waking life but its just not enough anymore going to kill myself and end this miserable pathetic and excruciating fucking life yes my parents will suffer but on the other hand its their fault for having given me a life that i never wanted,1
i feeli amready to die for a pathetic reason i been suicidal the last couple days i been reaching out for a lot of help but i still feel the same i just want to die because i cant get a girlfriend i know getting a girlfriend is a privilege one thati am not worthy of it eats me alive i know its a pathetic reason but its the truth i truly cant see my life being happy without a girl and i truly cant see myself getting a girl i just want to die and be over the pain of it,1
when you feel like nothing matters anymore i feel my life is so empty right now i feel like i dont have the strong to do anything right now i have been in psychological treatment for around 4 years to heal my depression but even if i have all my medicines i still feel like is something missing in my life i dont have the strength i used to have before i just feel numb i dont want to do anything even if i am having the bigger opportunity of my life i dont want to do anything sometimes thinking on the suicide makes me believe alive makes me think that there is an easy way to feel alive again to avoid the pain i feel inside of me everyones see someone that is constantly smiling but this is not my reality this is just my mask my presentation card inside i am just a lonely sad and boring personi aminto a whole where everything just becomes darker and darker my only hope is to have enough strength to finnish this just one more i thought but my reason is so afraid that i couldnt finnishi amcompletelly alone i find no reason to livei ama disgrace to my family i have no friends always in the darkness i am so tired of everything or everyone i just want to rest to disapear to simply evaporate where is my strength where is my hope where is my love for live and dreams they dont exists anymorei amjust a hopless person in this world someone whose existence is just a problem for his familyi am so tired of being an obstacle for everyone else i just want to be free i just want to feel alive again,1
i set the timer for 150 minutes its been like this for a year things have not improvedwoke up this morning i set the timer for 150 minutes put it in gods handstwo and a half hours passed nothings changed god rejected mehave five boxes of paracetamol and lots of alcohol never drunk before lets see how this goesgoodbye am kh eb hc aob ap and lh thanks to everyone at mgs love you always mum and dad everything will be fine annabellei cant write well anymorei am too sad have to go train nearly at station this is my suicide note,1
help a ranti amnew to reddit and this is my first post i hate talking about typhus to my close friends cause i feel like they dont understand i feel like no one does ive been chronically depressed 4 years and cut a little bit and have tried suicide once the last 6 months though i havent been very suicidal ive been wanting to conflict self harm though and i have i had a girlfriend and every time i cut she would be devestated and cried and i felt so bad so it was like mind fucking me to not cut when i wanted to and one time i punched my arms and face until i bruised i hate myself haha ive noticed every time i get so depressed like i am now my main concern is thati am not talented enough i have no meaning on this earth and also i feel like i always disappoint everyone my mom ex girlfriend family friends i feel like a mistake god made anyone else feel that wayi amsure some of you do i dont know wherei am trying to get toi amjust so fucking sad i feel empty and numb like i have crossed the threshold of depressed thats all and i dont want to talk about it except here causei am anonymous yeah thats it you guys have a goodnight ,1
i cant believe i just tried to walk off i was in some stressful situation really not that stressful like ive had a lot worse but i have a lot of pentup stuff from the past few days and i just announced that i had to go nobody questioned the fact that we were miles from town walking i dont have a car and that the only bus stop nearby went out to the city 20 miles away i dont really know i was just kind of numb i packed everything up then walked out i didnt know where i was going i had a thought to take the bus to the city but then what go back i could go home but that was a few miles uphill and i didnt really feel interested in going home i kind of just wanted to keep walking forever and everdisappearing came to mind so did suicide which is not an unfamiliar topic to pass by methen someone leaving the place from where id walked early pulled over and offered me a ride then insisted when they noticed that i looked distressedi amhome safe nowi amjust freaked out that all that happened so quickly and without barely any premeditation ,1
amscared school is going to drive me insane i had a massive mental breakdown my second last year that lasted all year and now i suffer from ptsd and have a form of dissociative identity disorder depersonalization if youre curious i guess and a lot of other fucking things on top of thatguys i cant fucking take thisi am in my senior year and i have short days but just its like one thing after the other adding up against me and everyones telling me not to take a gap year because itll fuck with my schooling but bitch maybe i dont fucking want to be here or in college okayeveryone tells me its better to be in college but i actually have plans to move out of this fucking god forsaken country and leave before i get the chance to kill myself school is like half the reason i want to fucking stop everything and give up if that isnt fucked i dont know what is if i have another mental breakdowni amprobably going to actually kill myself the only thing that kept me from it last time was my best friend being in my life shes still here but if i fucking snap my mental state in half again i dont know if i can convince myself its worth it is life just one breakdown after another how many fucking disorders can i accumulate in a lifetime how the fuck do i get this to stopps dont fucking tell me to kill myself its my decision and i am not resorting to that until i know theres no other way out,1
tomorrow i come back to the college and i amscared i think it will be my last period after finishing i intend to commit suicide the pain and the sadness will become very strong i do not have many friends there and i feel like a great encumbrance in my family i think it is better that i withdraw from this life the girl that i like will be there too and well we do not talk anymore she rejected me and its okay that she did it only served me to realize that i will never be able to fulfill the things that i always crave as a child classes have never been a problem for me so i would like my family to see what i could have been able to do i think my final trip starts tomorrow i just hope i can accomplish this in the end thank you for reading,1
how to get help when you dont want it i have and have always had a fear of reaching out for helpi amscared that whoever i talk to is going to be dismissiveim worried if i go for help i wont like who i talk to and wont ever reach out again right nowi ammostly scared that ifi amgiven medication i wont be able to stop myself from overdosing on it but i know i need to do something because i want to die every single day despite the fact that my life is actually really good and i ama pretty successful personi amalso scared that because my life is generally goodi amgonna get told theres nothing actually wrong what do i do,1
i will be free this weekend i dont know whyi ameven bothering to post on here but i dont have anyone else to open up to so here i am i guess ive been depressed for 7 years now and this past year has been the worst ive never really liked who i was as a personi amfat ugly untalented socially awkward incapable of getting a girlfriendthe list just goes on i tend to stick to hobbiesthings that i feel likei amgood at but i tend to shift away from them after not too long cuz i just realize thati amcompletely shit at everything i just cant do anything right the only thingi amgood at is school at this point and i amlosing passion for the very major that made me go to schooli am in a great school top 10 in the world for my field of engineering and have a good gpa but i feel like ive given up everything to get there and i amrealizing thati am really not that smartim just good at school and not only that but being the socially awkward fuck that i am i cant really get back into being sociali ama horrible mess and i hate being methis past year has been rough because i lost my best friend long story short i ruined the friendship and shes moved on i still open her snapchat stories crying and reminiscing about how things once where she was the only one ive ever opened up to we were best friends for 6 yearsand shes gone i dont know how to live like thissorry if this is getting longim just miserablei am going to blow my brains out with a shotgun this weekend same way my father died years agoi amempty and dead inside and i miss my bestfriendi am sorry sara i know i promised you that i would never do this but i cant please forgive me,1
so scared someone i love might be at risk he lives far awayi amcrumbling what do i say what do i do someone tell me itll be okay,1
amending my life tomorrow my loneliness is to the point that i have no optimism i cant find a relationship and when i do they end in heartbreak i have no patience to wait for one i have depression social anxiety and i get angry with people easily if i kill myself i wont have to live this painful life any longer its not my fault that everyone else is so full of themselves and immature that they dont respect me if i leave maybe theyll realize what they missed out on i want them to be sad i want them to cry they deserve it for every thing theyve done to me or for every time they ignored purposely or not my paintheyll cry about how they miss me but theyre all liars they denied my requests for relationships and now i get to leave them permanently they deserve every ounce of guilt theyll feel i messaged them all suicide letters or cryptic goodbyes and told them just how guilty they are only a few are spamming my inboxes begging me to stopfunny how they didnt message me before though they didnt message me to ask how my night was going or my plans for the weekend they ignored me becausei amfucking worthless to them so now they deserve to live with my ending on their guilty consciouswhy shouldnt i kill myself i havent tried therapy or filling myself with artificial toxic pills yet are those two any good,1
i will kill myself if i do not get taller i dont know whyi amposting this seeing asi am not looking to be talked out of anything and if months of therapy counselling and three different types of antidepressant in increasing doses have not done a thing to shift this feeling i doubt reddit will maybe i just want to write it down for the sake of conviction i dont knowim 55 male 19 and never had a growth spurt i cant accept that this is my maximum height the only reason it has not been so great an issue earlier is because i was previously given false hope by doctors that i would grow while being simultaneously being put on sex hormone therapy to accelerate puberty and as result speed up the sealing of my growth platesi refuse to live being shorter than everyone it is something that some people can deal with but i cant i cant go outside anymore because being around taller people makes me physically i will and can induce panic attacks of varying intensity i havent left my house in days and the last times i did go outside i coped only by keeping my head down to avoid looking at anybody and piercing my skin every time i walked past a tall personsome time this weeki am going to meet my gp and ask about being prescribed hgh in hope of alleviating my suicidal thoughts i strongly suspect he will say no as he does not believe i can get any taller and radiologists have already refused an x ray to examine whether my epiphyseal plates are fused i considered purchasing hgh on the black market but i wouldnt know what i was doing concerning dosage and dont know if i would get the safe genuine stuff or some other dangerous drug anyway assuming that i cant get some hgh i plan to commit suicide exactly two weeks from nowthere are of course also other things contributing to my feeling this way but my height is by far the main issue i havent had a genuine conversation in person to anybody outside immediate family and therapists for about two months and all but one of my friends who isnt aware of how i feel and hasnt met me in person in more than a year has not responded to any recent attempt to contact them online i am therefore reasonably certain that while nobody wants me to die i will not be greatly upsetting any of my friends indeed given the fact that we only ever talk online anymore and i havent spoken to most of them in weeks i doubt that they would even be aware of itmy family are of course a different story but the people whose feelings i am most concerned about are my mother who would probably be destroyed and my grandmother who is already unhappy at the moment on account of being i will i am unable to cope with the pain of continuing to live but also unable to cope with the pain of causing them such upset i need advice in this regard i feel conflicted between my firm intentions and what it would do to the people i loveanyway thats the situation i wanted to write it down somewhere thanks for your time if your still here,1
you left me you left me in the darkyou left me all alonefrom my chest you took my heartand left me with no place to call homeyou left me without concernand no matter the seasoni want to end all of this hurtand thats my only reasonyou left me broken and confusedyou left me thinking i wasnt enoughyou left me feeling really usednow my upper thighs are roughyou left me thinking i should dieyou left me on a painful highof feeling burning on my thighsand thinking that what i was doing was right,1
wouldnt it be great great if we could just lay down and wake up in slowtown i wish i could die while sleeping peacefully take me out and finish this waste of life suck my soul out of my body and reset my mindi am tired of having these thoughtsi am tired of breathing just to livei am tired of taking my own life someone end it please,1
how do you know when its too late at some point in my life i felt i could get better but now i feel like its going nowhere i feel shitty for having access to a therapist but feel worse in thati am not getting any better i feel likei amwasting their time the receptionist the health insurance rep the therapist the psychiatry everybody even my friend whos moved away had been concerned for me but ive been wasting his timei dont even want to improve anymore i think my mind is deteriorating from the overwhelmingly negative thoughts that have clouded my mind and i amnow some emotionless husk trying to find meaning in a fucked up world i dont even know if the world is fucked up because ive heard that the world is what you make of it but i cant see the world any differently than i do nowthe voices ive been hearing have been putting me down even more and i dont know what to believe anymore i believe theyve entered the auras of everyone i encounter as i fear every time that their preconceptions of me are enough to avoid any sort of confrontation i feel so emotionally immature that nobody would find me even appealing why society even places such value in finding a significant other is beyond mei am sorry for being a deviant but this is exactly whyi amhere i dont want to be angry at people i dont see myself as one to spite every couple or group of people i see seeing that i cant seem to change anymore i wonder if i was unlucky that perhaps in some other life id live happily ive been told that the problems are from within the furies they called them demons my accomplishments from previous yearsi amafraid had not been enough to cure my furies from withini amafraid simply finding somebody to talk to will not help i dont know what to do i wont commit suicide but i amafraid of livingyouve all heard this before and i dont know why id ever be different maybe its just thati amsuch a deviant that makes me feel special but really i dont even want to feel special i keep lying to myself and i cant control it the relationships ive made in recent years have been meaningless and stagnanti amgetting tired of it all i dont even want to graduate i knowi amyoung but my furies will remaini amplanning my life now wheni amdecades older i will remain the same broken man ive always been this delusional individual that had never been able to fully do anything the deviant that resorts to watching bugs fly into their death imagining that they possess some sort of sentiencei am sorry i dont have anybody to talk to and i am tired of writing to my future self in the journal i couldnt find a subreddit to consult toi amjust so confusedi dont want to die but i am so close to living in a wayi amafraid of please help mei amterrible at asking for help i cant rely on my friends in real life i just cant trust them edit tldr i dont want to die but i ama piece of shit lets have a laugh together you can talk to me ive been practicing my social skills,1
going to jump to my death in londoni am18 and i wonder whyi am so stupid i cant even pass my alevels at college i barely passed my gcses i will never make it to university thinking about iti ampathetic at everything i do i cant make friends never had a girlfriend people always look at me weird like i shouldnt exist dont even get me started on my looksi am so far away from reality i dont fit in everyone thinksi ampathetici am going to jump from a bridge in london bye,1
i should be dead by now but life some how manages to fuck that up for me too lol ive been craving some good chinese food before i kill myself today went to my favorite place and it just happens that of all days today is the day theyre doing a deep clean in the kitchen so i couldnt order what i wanted whatever fuck it it was just another slap in my already bruised face i started making my way to the destination where it was going to finally end i planned the perfect spot for week and whatd you know roads fucking closed for construction lol i was trying to be considerate and not leave with a bad image for everyone but fuck it firearm it is ,1
my dad is killing me 15 year old guy with depression and anxietyevery night at 1100pm my dad turns off the intenet whenever i feel suicidal i turn to the internet so someone can talk me put of it ive feeling extra deppressed recently and i amscared that i might not make it without the internet i dont know how to tell my dad that hes removing one of the few things keeping me alive he knows about my mental disorders but its like he doesnt even care ive been thinking of telling my therapist but i dunno any tips,1
the prospect of working a shitty job for the rest of my life just for the sake of breathing may be enough to drive me to suicide i graduated college with a liberal studies degree like a fucking idiot because all the stupid college advisors parents etc assured me that i would be fine and i wouls get a job its now going on 6 months and the only jobs that i can get are shitty customer service jobs which i rathee kill myself then take why do people bother working when that is literally all they do i cant grasp it for the life of me and nobody else in my life seems to understand the issue i rather die then sell my fucking soul i was at the top of my fucking class i wrote an award winning thesis now id be lucky to get a job at fucking walmart college got me absolutely nowhere i would be better of it i didnt go with my current degree if i could go back in time i wouls have went into a stem field but its to fucking late not how fucked up is society that you have to make the most important decision of what you want to do for your entire life at 17 fucking years old fuck the world fuck our shitty dreamboat education system i cant live like a useless sack of shit any longer,1
anyone want to talk hopefully not just texti amhome most of the day by myself and everyone i know only wants to text having the voice or video of another human being means so much makes it hard to reach out sometimes when all you do is pound out words on a keyboard or a phone wish i had someone or people who didnt mind audio or video conversations feeling suicidal and needing that human contact,1
brought up in a sick world then i lost everything i was taken to hospital again for more trauma after i wrote this post i dreamt that i was in a tunnel behind a man on a scooter and i couldnt get past him o started to suffocate on the fumes and in the end i got out of the tunnel and could breathe this is some kind of sign either advice on how to do it ornot this is my instagram ,1
i dont want to stay anymore guys theres nothing to my life anymore i dont feel lucky or want anything or want to be in contact with anyone anymore my face and head hurt these days i cant talk to anyone i know and whoever i have tried to talk to even my close friends or whatever ahvent come back i feel so weak these days my life is now on autopilot and the way i never wanted it to be there are billions of people unluckier than i am but i dont deserve what i have in more ways than one social anxiety isnt much of a problem but my brain feels scrunched up now likei amgetting a gun pointed at my head when tomorrow arrives people have given up on me and even my parents there is no incentive to talk to me anymore and nobody does it and not many really want to reply either i have made myself distant from everyone else by trying to be the funnyman in the room how fucking bitter ive turned thats all thats left now that the humors dried up nobodys laughing and especially not me this is so goddamn tiring and it hurts a loti amold alreadyand its not that ive become something extraordinary in all this isolation i have rotted i am completely worthless and in no way redeemable people who were invested in me and had faith in me walked away i cannot even help anyone i am incapable of doing thisi ambarely 25 and ive been away from everyone long enough to silently do the deed no ones missing anything for twelve years ive been jerking off and going to bed and insulting others for laughs who gives a shit this is not close to a news story to anyone within a mile of me and the ohgod will turn into a shrug and i will have rid myself of all this likei amstuck in some godforsaken contraption and i cannot move the frown takes more muscles but comes more naturally to me i need a bit more sleep this time,1
i cant take this much longer i need to kill myself everything is just getting worse and worse my whole world is falling apart around mei amlonging for that moment that i gain enough courage to do it i never have the chancei am going mentally insane i cant think straight i cant do anything properly and noone seems to care ifi amstrugglingim losing what little i have i used to have 1 friend and i drove them away i dont know how or why but they seem to despise me and my family hates me i hate myself whats the point next time i get the chancei amkilling myself dont know how or when just that i will ,1
everything is repeating i cant do this again i will not do this again i passed through this once why the fuck i will do it again havent i learned my lesson hasnt life punished me enough yearsplease not again i swear this time i will do it i wont handle this again i cant,1
its coming back i never expected to get this far i was seven years old when it happened when the one person in my life who had never judged me probably because he saw himself in me died he put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger that s all i know i ve been too afraid to know the rest or ask i m ashamed that i still think about him all the time i m twentyone now and i still have his picture on my dresser and i look at it every morning wondering was he ever happy did he ever love me where is he now he was a broken soul and i fear that i m becoming him every day i m closing myself off refusing to acknowledge that the world does indeed go on even though he s no longer in it he was never my best friend he wasn t even that important to me but he was my first loss the first person to ever leave me without a trace or an explanation i know it s na ve to think that he ll come back to me or that the answer to his passing will magically fall out of the sky but i just want to know will life ever be okay will i find my place i never expected to get this far i should be dead right now but i m still breathing and i don t know if i can anymore i m not cut out for this world but i m scared i don t think i could do what he did and that makes me angrier than anything my blood boils at my fear why can t i be strong enough to take the knife and slit my throat i don t believe in god not like i used to i have no family holding me back so why am i being a coward he was brave while i sit here and watch the world pass me by like a complete and utter coward i ll never laugh a real laugh again i ll never feel complete again and i ll never know what it means to be alive not while he s gone i miss him i miss him more than i can say he was a kind and gentle soul who didn t deserve what the world brought him i brought about my own pain i deserve to be punished in the deepest depths of hell i m not a good person but he was and he paid for it with his life i love him i loved him i ll always love him i miss you i ve never stopped thinking of you never once please don t forget me,1
i feel likei am going insane as the title says i question reality and whether if any of this is a simulation figment of my imagination etc i heard its normal for a 13yearold m but i dont knowi have dreams of suicide ones where i steal the police officers gun at my school and shoot myself jump off a skyscraper etc i have existential crisises a lot not knowing where i am in the world i always feel expendable and worthless nihilism hits me hard and it seems like every life is the same grow up and be a kid get an education get a degree get married have kids retire die ive been depressed and suicidal for over 7 months without my meds and music i would probably be dead by now ,1
mental health at a low i have twice now strung up my laptop and phone charger cables with clothing for padding and spent entire afternoons sticking my head in and out of them sometimes i feel like i am about to pass out and then i pull back i saw all of these purple shapes of lights one time i dont even know if i can die this wayi amkneeling on a blanket on the floor to do it because of the long lengths of the cables i am beyond sad in a psychiatric outpatient program havent been given a medication yet am attempting cbt am still sad sad sad am 35 divorced no kids bisexual type 1 diabetic smoker live in israel i see these as my reasons for not wanting to live i want to be happy and stable but in all my years that i was married someone else took care of me my life has become more and more hellish since i left my marriage i dunno whyi ampostingi amjust reaching out i need more help than i can seem to find in this world ,1
it is very difficult to find help i know exactly how i would do it and i am not afraid of dying i am however afraid of failing at dying and i do have people in my life who would be sad if i killed myself and soi am trying to get help but ive been unsuccessful so far because i still cant find a new doctor to prescribe me my meds i take adderall and moved to a new city in may and every single fuckig therapist ive called wont answer their goddamned phones or fucking emails i have nothing left to give anymore,1
on my way down to london for what could be my biggest career developing opportunity and having written a suicide note a matter of days agoi amat my absolute lowest heyso ive been pretty low this year and it appears to be getting worse ive never struggled with feelings like this until this year in fact ive been fortunate enough to be an incredibly happy person but due to many issues in every area of my life all happening at once i think about how low i am and how i can get out of it very oftena few days back i started writing a suicide note for my sister she doesnt know what ive been going through and i began to explain the terrible year ive had then i got to the point where i was telling her why i was leaving this note for her and not my mother or any of my friends i believed shed find it in her to understand and forgive me more than anyone else i just kept writing and writing until i had a dissertation sized note and i broke down cried then stopped writing i had no plan of how i was going to end it but i hoped id have it in me to finish the note and go and do it one way or anotherright nowi amon the train down to london for a week of writing sessionsi ama songwriterproducer for a living and will be in the room with many high profile writers some of which have written for the likes of frank ocean kendrick lamar john newman kylie minogue etc etc not that these names matter but i want to emphasise howi am really not in the right headspace for this and i feel so fragile and inferior right now its a feeling ive become familiar with this year but i just have no idea how this is going to go when suicide is so frequently on my mind stress of this level is not what i feel like i need right now but i cant get out of iti dont know whati amexpecting by writing this on here but i felt like i needed to do itthanks for reading,1
i found myself preparing today i measured out the pills i was going to take today it was trancelike normal even i was just sitting at my desk and i looked over at my pills i immediately just reached for them and measured out 5000 mg like it was a normal activityi amworried that i will finish it in the same way casually just all of a sudden soon i dont want to hurt my family or anything but i amfinding myself wanting death even if it means taking more painful methods now i dont know what to do,1
jammed a belt through a my top cupboard and looped it around my neck nearly fell off my computer chair freaked out and managed to take the belt offi am so scared of dying but i dont want to be here either one day i will have the courage to kill myself that day will be the best day of my life i hope it happens as soon as possible _ _,1
does anyone feel sort of worse going on this sub or other similar subreddits its great to see people that understand but almost all of us feel like we arent gonna get better whats the point why do you come to this sub,1
amwriting a story were somebody is talked out of cmmiting suicde its suppsoed to be positive help with making it tru to life like the title saysi amwriting a story were a teeange girl plans to jump off her high school roof a school counselor and her best friend ralk her out of it before the counselor and best friend get to the roof they call 911so i know when talking to a suicidal person youre suppsoed to be understanding and kind but i am not sure what happens after they talk the girl out of jumping off the roofwould they take her to the hospital the best friend is taken in by the police for qustioning along with some other students who texted the girl that morning telling her to kill herselfa part of the story involes the best friend going to see the suicidal girl in the hospital and the school counselor is there as suicide watch at that point she gets a lot of get well letters and presentsalso this suicidal girls is a lesbian one of the reasons she tries to kill herself is because a lot of students call her a faggot and even her own parents throw her out a few days before the incidentthe sucidal girls girlfriend broke up with her a few weeks before hand and afterwards spread rumours that she fucked animals and had sex with her brother even though the suicidal girl stood up for her girlfriend when she was being bullied in the cafeteria for being a lesbianid like any input anybody could offer,1
so lonely so long so ive thought about death so much for so long over 14 years now everyday for as long as i can remember i think just do it but i never doi ama coward or was something that kept me before was the knowledge that something is odd in my brain something i cant control but i dont know if i want to live with this brain not anymore i see more of what has been i should not be suicidal and think about death there has never been any reason ive had my share of bad experiences but nothing to be suicidal over but this brain keeps going its a badly tuned violin tense and making strange noises i have it better than most but that does not matter i dont know anymore i gave some people some music today i dont knowi amfucking lost before i have been lost i feel so sad and frustrated and everything i just want to start bashing the keyboard atleast i write here soi am not dead yet ive never complained much about my odd brain but now i do i dunno i just wanna get rid of it even tho it is also my best friend it has always been there for me the only thing thats been there everyone leaves everyone has better things to do i do alot its not easy with people for me and it takes a toll but i endure i fight for my life to spend some time with you people and you just fucking leave i know i cant force u to stay i do not want to ive never wanted that here i am tears i am lonely and cant comfort myself i look out the window and its dark no rain i like rain this feels like the eye of the storm ,1
i dont want to live i should be decomposing under the dirt right now i dont know whyi amhanging on but theres gotta be somethingi amholding onto if i havent killed myself yet i will soon though hopefully before next month ,1
fuck me right i just need to rant so sorry also if anyone has any suggestions great if not great too so to starti ama 20yearold female and i have self harmed a lot over the last 5 years mostly clean for the last year or soi really am not good at talking sorry i justdont see why i should even exist anymore i mean i had to give up my cat because my last roommatesomeoneithoughtwasafriend but who really wasnt gave me no other choice she wanted to put him down i compromised by surrendering him the only thing i had that kept me clean and safe to the animal shelter she then a week later tied to shove me down a flight of stairs then kicked me out of the apartment anyways so i moved into the local homeless shelter and it was not good either god shoved down my throat 247 and my pentacle necklace confiscated then kicked out of there because i said that i did not believe in the christian god nowi am in that position again i have less than 3 weeks to find a place to live or i will be homeless again and this time the shelter is not an option for me i have one friend in this town and his roommates wont let me move in even though i can pay rentgoddess i justi dont know how much more of this i can takei am so close to harming myself again and i just cant take this i have nothingand noone to turn to here and theres nothing i can do i justim so fucking empty right now,1
i just want it to end rant i have cptsd complex post traumatic stress distorder and as a result ive always felt broken my parents would fight and hurt eachother in front of me for years almost daily and almost every night was me sobbing in terror theyd come to me when i was 5 and complain about the other and id try to play marriage counselor cause i didnt know any better they never listened to me they ignored my pleading for begging to stop and even today they are still together for god knows what reason they are like well sorry that happened to you but that was years agofast forward to being 31 and divorced living alone and having next to no friends i ended up the best of my siblings too which is incredibly sad and am just tired of trying i tried to save my parents i tried to save my husband but no one can save me after my childhood i have extreme abandonment issues social anxiety panic attacks and probably anger issues on top of that my husband left me suddenly after 6 years together because i quote would not play in the snow with him during the last snow storm true or not thats the reason i need to live with until i die we were 30 and despite my being for him during his suicide attempts and bipolar diagnosed with bipolar 2 meltdowns it was still my fault its always something i can not fix nowi amhooking up again with another long time friend that knows how badly my husband hurt by suddenly leaving me but hes suddenly distant as well and it hurts so so much that someone who would know my deep abandonment issues over the years is now trying to ghost mei dont know what i do wrong i am extremely attractive physically fit self sufficient and really dont ask much of anyone now adays but to be honest and upfront with me he cant give me that again someone i love cant give me that and i dont understand it i just want to understand why people treat me like this and think its ok to dismiss my feelings i just want to stop existing what if anything can i do different then what i have been i see a therapist i dont like any medicine ive taken over my lifetimei amafraid this is me and i dont want to do this anymore,1
i start cleaning my rantstatus at twitter from now before the day comes next few week start moving private data to the encrypt disk and implement fde on my laptop hey sup whats bringing you down,1
meds stopped working not sure how to manage hi reddit throwaway here having a bad timei suffer from bipolar 2 a disorder characterized by hypomanic highs and deep depressive episodes happening seemingly at random i will be on top of the world for months at a time followed by being suicidally depressed for yearsive rewritten this post 3 times at this point never really sure if ive gotten it right there isnt really a whole lot to say but i want to say it righti live a life of unpredictability never really sure when everything is going to go to hell when things are going good the nature of bipolar 2 is that everything is going to go bad eventually and who knows how long it will be before that happensi started diving into this depressive episode about six months ago but i didnt think it would last this long i had a medication adjustment and hoped for the best but then my social circle imploded and now i only have one person left who cares about me shes doing her best but shes going through some bad times herself so i cant lean too hard on herover the past six months things have been getting gradually worse every day now i sleep as much as possible crying when awake hoping i will die in my sleep if i had a way to just stop existing id do it in a heartbeat but life isnt like that the only way i can think of escaping is through drugs and alcohol which have become an extremely unhealthy crutchi have a psychiatrist appointment in a little over a week but it seems hopeless last medication adjustment didnt do a damn thing to help why would this one helpthank you to whoever reads this i have replies going to my inbox and i will stay logged in until i forget,1
finding it pointless to keep on struggling in life my life up to this point has been miserable for the most part i was born with a speech disorder so i was bullied until about 15 also being on the autism spectrem and having undiagnosed adhd made my existence almost unbearable in addition my mother most likely had borderline personality disorder and my father perhaps had narcissistic personality disorder which caused me to parent myself i was forced to start working at 11 years old to buy food clothing and other necessities i am now 21 years old attending university and am tired of struggling throughout my existence due to being hospitalized during summer and clinically depressed i was unable to save up money for housing this semester now i have to live at my fathers house which is two hours away by two buses and the train from the university so a total of four hours everyday at his house in addition to the neighborhood being located in an unsafe area i have to sleep in the car outside due to a massive bed bug infestationi was homeless while attending university about two years ago and lack the will power to do it again i applied to campus positions that would have granted house but however did not receive any of the positions i am currently working weekends and saving up money until i can move out which would probably three months from now though that feels like a life time i realize that life is unfair however knowing that life is unfair doesnt do anything to mend my soul i realize that i must accept my reality as it is and keep on working towards a better future ultimately however i find it futile to keep on struggling through out my existence especially for an existence that i ultimately lack control of plus knowing in the grand scheme of things that life is utterly meaningless makes me want to end my suffering even more ,1
am15 and i hate myself what a suprise its only the second week of school2nd day and i am already tired i just want to kill myself so i dont gotta go through life and me missing another school year ive missed a couple years due to depression and anxiety but ive never seen professional help for iti amsick of ruining my own life if you were in this position you would understand i cant make friendsi amshy as hell and i amnative american i feel ugly in school i compare myself to people its horrible school is my only problem right now currently lying in bed wheni amsupposed to be in class i am doing this to myself i need motivation to do the most responsible thing i can do right now i just cant you knowi amsupposed to be in grade 10 but i missed grade 9 because of myself i want to go to school and be successful and have a good life but how when all you want to do is end yourself idk if its me or schooli amasking for somebody to i can speak to and some life advice thats all ,1
no motivation to kill my self because of depression i have no motivation to do anything not even killing my self i dont want motivation to try harder in life or to chase my dreams or whatever i am 100 donei just want motivation for suicide just a little bit it took me so much energy just to learn how to tie a noose i just need these moments where i am depressed enough to commit suicide but not too depressed to motivate myself to continue my plan probably will try drugs,1
no longer want to live no support system ive pretty much sold everything i own now i have my weapon of choice ready quit my job and putting my letter together cant live with this guilti amhaunted by any longer i need advice because i cant live like this anymore and i just want to end it all no one loves me or cares about me at all and i just need someone to talk to ive started selling my things and getting ready to pick my date i know my post is long but i wanted to give the full picture its been 11 months since i put down my best friend of 16 years my cat i got when i was 9 years old i had a terrible abusive upbringing and he was my only source of support i hate myself for what ive done and ive suffered everyday i cry so hard almost every night to the point that i throw upi feel like i missed the obvious warning signs over his last few months he was keeping to himself and started urinating out of his litter box vomiting often and he got so thin he was a very large cat before and i had put him on a diet so i thought he lost weight from that and i started to feed him more again but he didnt gain any back i took him to the vet to discuss his urinating out of the litter box and vomiting and she told me it was stress and old age and to try a bunch of different stuff that didnt help much changing his food helped a little so i just thought he had a sensitive stomach and neglectedly left it at that i remember being very busy his last month of life because it was october and i was all over the map doing halloween events i had finally made a friend and a was so excited i never wanted to say no to her when she wanted to hang out so i wasnt home much i didnt spend much time cuddling and playing and just plain loving him then i went to a halloween party and stayed at my friends overnight until late that day i got a text from a neighbour saying my cat was meowing a lot and to come home and check on him i brushed it off because he had a tendency to meow loudly when he was looking for me and i was really hungover and wanted to sleep more a few hours later i came home and found him cold and meowing in a tone i had never heard before i picked him up for the first time in a couple weeks and realised how light he had gotten he went limp in my arms and looked so sad he spent his last night and morning all alone and scared because i was out partying and didnt come home i have so much guilt and hatred towards myself for this i rushed him to the animal hospital where they did a bunch of tests and said he had kidney failure they gave me the choice to leave him in hospital until he was stable but then when he went home he would have to undergo fluid injections twice a day take pills and go for dialysis there was no guarantee of this being a cure the other choice was to put him down the vet said he wasnt in any pain so the decision was so hard in the end i realized i wouldnt be able to help him with all his care needs and i didnt want him to be poked with needles all the time and be subject to medications and side effects i now feel so selfish for this because i should have been willing to quit my job and take care of my cat when he needed me to care for him most before the vet came in to euthanize him i got some time to have him in my arms for the last time i couldnt stop crying i was about to murder my most loving and longest best friend i saw the little iv in his arm that they were going to use for the lethal injection and i cried he smelled so bad from the toxins that had built up in his body and he was so cold and wrapped in a blanket he walked away from me to go lay on the other side of the couch he could barely open his eyes and he had exudate coming from them he looked so unhappy i cant believe i wasnt there for him his last night and i left him alone to cry and be scared all morning i fell like the most horrible person on the earth the vet came in and i asked if i could hold him he jumped as she put in the first injection and then she put in the lethal injection and she asked me to lay him down she listened to his heart and i asked her if he was gone and she said yes i sat in the room crying petting his fur watching him just lay there dead because of me and what i just did i covered him with a blanket and left the love of my life alone in that room never to be seen again the amount of guilt and regret i feel every single day is enough to make me not want to go on in this life my actions haunt me everyday and no amount of people saying i did the right thing will ever make me feel like i did the right thing i dont know how to go on and accept what happened and ever be okay with myself i dont know how i can ever forgive myself for not spending everyday of that last month playing with him and picking him up and just loving him i took for granted that he would always be there and i always thought we can cuddle and play tomorrow then i got busy and suddenly tomorrow never came nowi amleft to struggle with the fact that all i have left of him is a album filled with pictures and a ceramic set of paw prints i will cherish these items forever but i am not sure how i will ever be okay again ,1
texted the crisis line big mess after i am new here and read another archived post similar to this one i am just so sick about this i texted a crisis line when i was feeling really down and depressed a bit suicidal but stated that i didnt intend to kill myself nor did i have any method of which to do it the person responding was really rude and i got annoyed told her she was not helpful then deleted the conversation and went to bed about an hour later 4 police officers showed up at my house searched my house for weapons which they obviously didnt find woke my family up and made me go to the hospital where they took all my stuff my bag and tried to commit me but i refused i feel 1000 times worse than before i made the text i am a mom and they dragged my child out of bed during the whole thing i am so freaked out now having police with guns in my house too i dont even want to leave the house now i am so stunned by the whole thing,1
i wish i was a kid again i know some of the people here didnt have the greatest childhood but still for me those times were the happiest for me everything turned to shit when ive graduated high school i wish i was that teenager again being carefree and not worrying about earning money or my futurei could have all the time in the world to enjoy i could watch cartoons again play video games and not give a fuck about anything i miss walking home from school and listening to music i miss my moms dinners having summer breaks roleplaying with my friendsnow everyone expects me to act like an adult and i hate it everyone says how they love being out of school but they have a job that pays well a degree and discipline to learnim like that pouting little kid who refuses to live life and take responsibility i feel like death is the only answer,1
17 year old failure has missed two years of school due to his fucked mind has been hospitalized three times takes a cocktail of pills every day became impotent is obssessed with mass murder sad and anxious for no apparent reason should die already but doesnt have the balls to slice his carotid,1
i feel so down i cant even be bothered to get up and kill myself anybody got some suggestions on how i can do it quick and easy,1
i hate this if you were gonna do it i cant stand variations of this phraseif you were gonna do it you would have attempted by now if you were gonna do it you would have done it already if you were actually suicidal you would have cut yourselfi dont know maybe they are right,1
considering suicide because of my conservative political beliefs this comment isnt much help but why,1
because i cant get a hold of a gun or pillsi ama former overachiever and recent college grad and school is all ive ever been good ati aminsecure about everything from my body image my intelligence my social life my finances entering the field i studied in and my home life sucks and my parents are making it damn clear they dont want me around i have nowhere else to go and my crippling self doubt makes it damn near impossible to create any opportunities to look forward to ive been wanting to not be alive for a while now but this summer has been the first time i could actually visualize myself ending my own life and ive recently developed a feasible plan whats keeping me from buying antifreeze and chugging it on my next day off other than my current bank account balance,1
am so upset ive tried everything changed my entire lifestyle and everything taken any piece of advice given sought all the help i could and thinga never change for the better to top it all off my parents chucked me out showing that even they dont like mei amsick of being alone and nowi amhomeless my work sucks and a cant afford a place to stay on the wages and i suck so much nobody else will hire me not that homelessness matters when nobody will ever want to be with you the only option to not living in this pain is ending it all set a date and stayed alive past it by months ive given life plenty chances to improve it doesnt i wanted life to work out but its clearly not going toi amnobody just a worthless ugly loser that never had a chance ,1
run out of solutions there is no help ,1
did i assault someone i am so scared i recently met with a woman for quick anoymous sex she has a partner that likes to send her out on adventures and we met in an empty parking lot for oral the bj got a little rough for sure she got some tongue bruising and a scrape inside her lip from her teeth afterward she was feeling really messed up by the roughness she consented and never said no or changed her mind or asked me to stop post event her partner said she is traumatized my last partner liked rough and playing it all back i probably took what people like for grantedi amfreaked did i assault her i cant live with myself with that i have two young kidsi amawful might i be charged i couldnt handle that i hate myself for it id rather their mother be who they know rather than me if i were charged theyre so young theyll forget their horrible father i wanted to be better for them i think not making them go through the confusion is better not going through seeing dad like this i want a good role model for them not me i didnt intend to hurt her or traumatize her or assault her had she said anything i would have immediately stopped she didnt at the time but is feeling pretty bad now i thought we were all consenting participants my life is over i want to addi amcurrently seeing a therapist for sex addiction and i fell off the path i already lost my wife due to that and coping without her is already too hard this epic fuck up cherry on top done advice help pleasei amscared for myself and my kids i love them more than anything but could never face them after this,1
i thinki amdone i grew up with a pretty cushy life i think my parents did everything they could to help make sure i was successful and so did everyone around me everyone has high expectations for me since i was young that said ive struggled with learning disabilities severe anxiety adhd and depression for a number of years and its only gotten worse in college despite years of therapy and several different combinations of medication i dont think i can keep going anymore as silly as it sounds i honestly cant remember the last time i felt genuinely happy its just constant depression day after day and all ive managed to do with everything that has been given to be is completely squander it i dont even enjoy doing the things that i used to love doing anymore ive already pretty much figured out that i cant handle the work required to do the one thing i wanted to do with my life and my only options are to do something i hate for the rest of my life the only thing keeping me alive is the fear of hurting other people with my death,1
37 and ive had enough of life and i want to die ive got to the point where i feel isolated depressed and alone i work in a job i hate my boss makes me feel terrible nothing is ever good enough sometimes i wish i could hang myself outside my place of work and she can see my dead corpus hanging from the tree as she drive into work maybe that would be good enough leave a suicide note on my body ive never dated in my life i got no children no family no friends my only wish just to end it all i got myself a rope i want to punish myself for being so pathetic loser i hope i fucking suffer why couldnt i be born normal i hope i can have peace when i die,1
not doing good came out a few years ago that my dad molested my little sister when she was 8 never did anything to me though he denies it they are no longer speaking my older brother thinks my sister is crazyi amthe middle child its taken its toll on me as i try to mediate and keep this family from imploding my wife no longer trusts my parents and my three kids arent allowed any sleepovers or babysitting from them fast forward to april of this year met a girl things progressed i was not looking for an affair but it landed in my lap told my wife everything in august and now my life is truly over no family no friends alone ruminate every day about what ive done and how ive thrown it all away depressed miserable dont see any clear solutions to my problems feeling suicidal daily not sure what to do next,1
a friend i have been speaking to online for awhile said she was going to kill herself i havent received a message from her in awhile and i amworried i didnt know where to post this but i amheart broken and extremely worried i have to find out if shes alive can anyone suggest what i can do,1
i dont see myself getting better anymore i used to enjoy things even if i was down i could see the light and now i canti amstuck,1
i should have ended it months ago soi am17 and every day i wake up feeling dead inside i go to a massive high school i mean massive theres 1000 kids per grade and i have a lot of acquaintances but no friends that means talking and joking with people during school and sports but rotting away in my house or at work the remainder of the day ive really been trying to maintain relationships with other people but i just end up getting let down nobody wants to eathang out be seen with such a social dumpster fire of a human being ive noticed that ive been using weed and nicotine vaping not cigs on a weekly basis to make life more bearable id sayi amrelatively in shape and not ugly by any means but ive been trying everything to make my life better and nothings working ive been seeing a shrink for the past year and its not doing a whole lot its my senior year and if this is what the rest of life is going to be like i wont be surprised if i kill myself beforei am25 if i cant go one fucking day without crying now how will anyone love me when i have to fend for myself how the hell did shit crash and burn so fast not trying to whine for attention just need a little help thanks,1
should i just end it i really want to no i know what its like to want to end it i have dealt with it for as long as i can remember i still do most days if i may ask without over stepping any boundaries what makes you want to end it if you need to talk feel free to message me,1
i just ended my only friendship ive ever had and i dont have anything to live for i dont have any friends i dont want any other friends i have nothing to live for i give upi am sorry matana but i just cant do life anymore i needed you in it but now i dont have you ive got no futurei ama ugly selfish piece of shit i have no desire to deal with it any longer i quiti am sorry for wasting your life,1
tonight so i might do it tonight i have a plan in the event that i actually decide to do it i have ptsd and i cant get the flashbacks out of my head the past few nights all my dreams have been about what happened and i cant take it anymore and i am not even scared of dyingi amtotally calm i just dont care anymore last night i tried calling and texting a suicide hotline and i couldnt get through and thats like a sign to me even professionals dont care enough to try to help mei amjust done ,1
no more hurt if things do not go well this week i will be ending it all for sure nothing has given me purpose all people want to do is hurt me and i am tired of that i cant deal with life anymorei amhurting and no one gives a fuck about me all people want to do is hurt meediti am still here surprisingly woke up disoriented and extremely nauseousi amafraid my method didnt work ,1
my dream is to kill myself in front of you i just told this to one of many friends that left me because my depression made me a toxic friend enjoymy dream is to one day kill myself in front of you and everyone else who left me i wanted to tell you that not that it matters to you but i just really wanted to say iti just go to whatever event happens where everyone who left me are all in one place i look you guys in the eye and shoot myself in the head with a good gun maybe even angle it so my blood splatters on you guys i know you dont care or thinki amjust acting but thats literally the point and itll be my perfect happy ending and i will never again have to live a life where no one i miss misses me back where people write blog posts about how getting rid of me is an accomplishment how people celebrate getting rid of me and putting no on my face on instagram photos and laughing about it in the comments i will never have to live that life again and i will be free and happy i know youre just rolling your eyes reading this but i wanted to finally tell someone and now i have see you soon,1
my ex hates me wont come back i quit a job with amazing pay moved back in with my parents cant stand the stress of getting a job going nuts alone all day friends have helped but things are getting worse and talking means less and less my life isnt moving i just wanted to talk with my ex i told them i wanted to die and i needed their help they wont talk theyre not coming back and i cant deal with it now the only thing i look forward to is smoking weed and trying to fuck,1
suicidal because people dont respect me taken advantage by parents and people people talking behind my back in school and work bullied online and irl hr was the last straw people want me to kill myself why livei amdone with everythingi amweak people want me to fail they made fun of me when i was successful and now theyre laughing at me because i hit rock bottom nobody respects me except my coworkers i work with fucking hr lied about giving me a birthday card they didnt give me when my coworkers called them out on it hr ignores me or act fake when the see me they respect the over confident high schoolers at my shitty retail jobsuicidal because people dont respect me taken advantage by parents and people people talking behind my back in school and work bullied online and irl hr was the last straw people want me to kill myself why live,1
numb it used to sting but now it doesnt when you called me all those awful names it hurt as if you stabbed me in the chest but now those words just go right through me leaving an empty numbing feelingonly if dying felt this way,1
give me a reason give me a reason to fight not for anyone dont tell me you care you dont know me there are monsters in my head they want me deadi amalways arguing with my own self everyone who says they have only have their own needs and wants to be fulfilled i am nothing but a tool to them abusing my love has become common now for everyone its nobodys fault but my owni amalways cold and alone sometimes my tears fall on the cold floor and makes small puddles i hate myself,1
i think about suicide all the time it just happens i think of suicide as casually as breathing i guess i really do hate myself ,1
hello there i havent really written anything in a while or on reddit for that matter perhaps it is becausei amscared of what i might write or maybei amscared of answers that others might give me anywaysi ama 24 year old male with everyday problems as one would presume i do way to much drinking and cocaine which always goes hand in hand i got friends dear friends i might add who doe the same thing as i do i cant say that they persuade me to do anything drug related but at least they contribute to it but i wouldnt want to change them for any other personfor what its worthi amsinking deeper and deeper into my own obsession thati am not happy so it doesnt surprise me that the longer i go i aint gonna be happy or even contempt with anythingi am doing everything seems to not work for me and the things i do arent enough for me ive tried to end my self on numerous occasions but i cant my life is my life but it doesnt seem to be my life at all considering that i cant cope with these faults that i haveit seems to you as a reader thati amrambling and i am i am rambling to you but at least i did ramble which is saying something from my point of view,1
gonna do it on 18th july 2018 i hope 8 months are enough to change my mind,1
sorry for this but i need to say it every time i sepak to a profesonal or call the suicide hotline immediately i get threatened with being called the emergancytt services on me and my family being informed and even when i over dosed and they did all this blood tests they kept saying how they were going to tell my parents and it just really hurtsbecuase obviously i cant talk to my parents about these feelings i have inside or i wouldnt be reaching out to other sources so thats whyi am trying this source i really hate my self so much and i really want to kill my self and i have fora very long time and i have made decisions in life to move me forward towards a normal life and towards being happy but i am still to this day so depressed and wanting to die so much but i literally cant because it will destroy my mum and i have guinea pigs and a cat who love me so i really cant do this but i f i didnt have them i would without any hesitation just leavethis world and my family doesnt believe in mental health i have never had a professional person in mental healt hspeak to me except when i oded in the hospital but they only just gave me a number to a nurse to call and my aunt who was the person i called at the time told me she knew i wasnt trying to kill myself and i wasnt serious because i would have done it properly if i was serious and to this day my mum has no idea tha tall ahppened she was out of town at the time and i took all her drugs and to this day my aunt will not speak to me and today even in a random dollar store my uncle tells me that same aunt she saidi ama human recorder like sayin gthat i repeat everything anyone says to me and she told me if i ever tell anyone what she told me about me oding that she would make up lies about me and all these things ive never ever ever said any thing shes said about me or to me at all to anyone i have literally no one i have no friends i have ntohing i have no one except my animals who am i even goin gto say anything to i dont fucking get it and i amjust so fucking sad i just want to leave this fucking worldi am so soory everyonei am so sorry i just hate my self so much i have nothing an dno one ok bye sorry,1
the last yell for help weeks and months go by and loneliness stands by my side thats the price iron loneliness thats the nightmare of my existence allone forgotten let into the exil without love warm hope only longing burns inside me i hear voices and conversation but noone talkes to me i want to get out of here i want to get away i dont know whats wrong with mei amhealthywhere are those people who promised me their love where are my parents who produced me where are my friends who stood by me where is the woman who loves me did she forget me did everybody forget me did they abandon me did they leave me behind cant anybody remember me cant anybody help me am i completly alone and wheres the doctor where are the nurses i need helpi amafraid help,1
hey my life before i actually die ive lived my life to 20 ive dated my own blood and ive smiled like it was halloweeni ama guy whos a gamer just another person right this is my second time ive bit the barrel of my gun this weeki amalone just so very alone noone likes me for who i am and i have to pretend to be someonei am noti am20 and never had a gf never kissed anyone nev er hugged a non family member never cuddled never even held someones fucking hand girls all the time say or if thats flipping true then why do you stop talking to me in 12 hours everyone just ghosts on me for no freaking reason its so dumbi am so nice to people i give them everything they want i have never had anyone there for me noone ever why do i feel pain when i smile why do i cut and then i smile why do i wanna die and see if theres light why do i wanna cry instead of continuing on h this fight whats it like to actually have someone in your armsi am in virginia usai ama guy everytime i try to seek help all people do are like call these people thry will help you wanna know what suicide hotline does they track ur number and send police to your house then they put you through all this shit that then puts u in fucking debt how about instead of pushing someone off like that you freaking talk to them yourselfi ambleeding a fucking river here and legit if someone saw me bleedingto death in public theyd probably dial 911 on my phone and then walk away while i was laying there bleeding to death thats how fucked up people are legit noone out there who gives a fuck about me anymore so why the hell not end it i bet anyone who saysi amhere for you will leave within 12 hours soi am not even guna bother i will be the one to leave within 12 hours this time,1
am i suicidal i am ready to go through with my full fledged suicide plan or whether i am willing to risk what is left of my hope almost none and my fighting spirit all but burnt out on some pipe dream of regaining this elusive sense of trust that only ever materialized from a traumatic anomaly or whetheri am still stuck on tequila and prescription meds and whether i am suicidal at all,1
my soul has been destroyed perhaps it wasnt worth saving,1
amgiving upi ama terrible person who doesnt deserve a good life or any life heres what happened last year i entered college as a freshmen i was assigned a roommate who was very creepy in how i would come home and he would be in my bed claiming he was tired however he was not the creep i wasone time when we were sleeping i was looking at pornography on my porn and slightly rubbing my penis on the mattress i accidentally made myself climax i felt terrible for what i did especially being unsure if my roommate saw what was happening at the time i have ocd and i am currently getting treatment for it but before i got treatment i wanted to find out if he really saw me so i planned to masturbate on multiple nights to see if he would say something or notice me i would masturbate by quietly thrusting the mattress with blankets covering meon one night when we were going to bed he saidi amactually gonna go read for a while good night and left i was mortified because i didnt know if that meant that he knew what i was doing when he got back i masturbated again by quietly thrusting the mattress to see if he noticedim going to kill myself because i feel terrible having to put him through that i feel like a creep and a pervert and i dont deserve to live he doesnt talk to me because i moved last october due to me not being comfortable with how he would be in my bed when i got home and him messing with my stuff i dont know what to do anymore i cant live with the guilt ,1
give me one reason why give me one reason i shouldnt do it i have a good life gf big family 80k a year job at 26 big circle of friends and i just dont care like i literally dont care about anything whats the point ive already done the therapy and everything no one can actually give me one reason why i shouldnt just off myself i have what i need to get it donei am doing this to humor myself,1
amgetting out of here in 10 days if anyone in the uk wants to join me pm me i kind of wanna have sex before i go too but i guess thats not gonna happen i am nothing therefore i will become nothingi am not trying to trivialize anything i am simply leaving 21f paranoid personality disorder depression agoraphobia psychotic symptoms present if i have offended anyone with this post theni am sorry i really am i am dying soon so i dont have time to be careful ,1
was in a car crash yesterday i wish i had died in it i was the only one in the crash it was an accident not intentional yet i got away with only cuts bruises and a sore neck i wish it had killed me too bad the universe has too sick a sense of humor to allow it,1
nobody loves me and nobody cares if i die my life is over i always tried to be a good person as possible but it doesnt matter in this cruel worldi amlonely depressed and forgotten if i die nobody will remember me i have been thinking about suicide in the last few days and its getting pretty serious,1
i feel horribly depressed and it makes me feel like dying wouldnt be that big of a deal sometimes i get horribly depressed but idk if its actual depression because i was never properly diagnosed it gets so bad to the point where i dont want to act on hurting myself but i think it wouldnt bother me if i just dropped dead during these depressive episodes i get an intense amount of self loathing and intrusive thoughts saying youre ugly or youre horrible at art or the reason why youre like this is because youre an accident your parents would be better without you and everyone secretly hates you,1
attempted suicide in paris last week everything still seems hopeless i was supposed to go to law school but now all my books are just reminders of my failed ambitionsi am26 and i feel like my life is already over i am a failure i am doomed to live a horrible life i feel so alone ,1
looking for a video alright i know my description is vague but i was wondering if anyone here can link to this video its a good one that i think most people here will enjoy essentially the video is of a younger black male talking about either suicide or depression and how it takes strength to get through it he may be reading a poemthank you,1
a no good lonely wednesday heyi amhaving one of the worst days in a long time and my usual network of support is unavailable usually id text my brother and hed reply with something interesting or funny but weve had a fight and he left me in my existential dread now i cant stop drinking smoking and imagining my therapist is on vacation and i cant even bear the thought of looking for a new one would you kindly post something interestingfunnykind to help me get through this shitty wednesday,1
amseriously thinking of killing myselfi am15 and of coursei am in high school after failing a class my freshman year i promised my mom i would not get a class that has a grade lower than a b a month into school my mom sees a c on my grade and a total of 7 missing assignments then she starts hurling hurtful words at me pls help,1
suicidal thoughts out of boredomdissatisfaction lately ive been having intrusive thoughts due to an overall sense of being unsatisfied with life even though from an outsiders perspective i have it pretty good its not a typical depressive spell i deal with more like intense feelings of not feeling content and feeling tired of my current stage in life excitement about novelty wears off fast for me this time though its turned dark talking to my therapist today about it its very irritating and makes me antsy which is more concerning to me in terms of suicidalty ,1
done with life life is just getting me down existing is just about all i do i dont have a job i only have 2 grand and i live with my parents i got my associates degree in visual art and got into a good art school i decided not to go because i started to feel like art school and art in general was not realistic and pursuing a degree in it felt like bullshit so now i havent made art or feel like its even importanti amconfused as to why i ever thought it was a good idea i just dont feel interested in it so now i dont know what to do suicide is always going through my head i wake up irritated thati am still alive ive been in treatment recently for about 6 months for depression and nothing helps i just dont find any joy in life i dont know whati amsupposed to do i just dont give a fuck about anything and nothing appeals to me i feel stupid and boring and confused as to who i really am because i dont enjoy anythingi amconsidering gambling to see if i can just hit it big,1
ama waste of a human i like to think that i have the most accurate evaluation of myself wheni amdrunk these days the only way i can feel emotion is wheni amdrunk this is due to my need to supress all emotion normally i know its not a good idea to drink while in this state but i need to keep up normality in front of people by drinking socially i dont want them knowingi amsuicidalanywayi amgenuinely a terrible waste of time i believe that i mean nothing to nobody which i know sounds a bit needy and pathetic which it is this is one of the reasons why i hate myselfi amgenerally a closed person which again i know this is unhelpful and not a good thing to be howeveri am in the belief that if i expose myself i will face rejection and being a burden to people better to keep myself to myselfi really need to die not only am i a faggoti amalso a lonely piece of shit hell the dog doesnt even give a shit i would keep faith if i thought the personality underneath all this self hatred was worth anything turns outi amjust a piece of shit to my core hopefully soon i will be able to brutally mutilate myself drink myself to death or down bleach soon make the world a better place my mother didnt give birth so that my shitty ass could come out,1
really it was a complete joke i survived the car crash i want to die plain and simple i was in a car crash yesterday that was a complete accident today i went to the junkyard and saw how it almost killed me the day of the crash i rolled into a ditch due to the wet slippery road and struck a power pole at 45 mph the trunk took a direct hit and was completely crushed had the pole hit the front row seats i would be dead easily yet here i am with only cuts and bruises its hilarious really i crave death yet i wasnt even granted it in a car accident whereas thousands die every year from crashes guess life just isnt done tormenting me and making me suffer its as ifi amunable to die in a person that doesnt want to live its a complete joke,1
another whiny straight white man hey redditi feel like i just screwed up my long distance relationship long story short my gf told me that she kissed someone else in her country i responded by confessing that i had been hooking up with my ex while my current gf and i were dating but before we became officialexclusive now it appears that shes blocked me on the app we use to communicate with usually and i amafraid that shes going to hook up with someone else andor break up with me andor not even speak to me again i know other people on this subject have real problems in their lives but i have struggled with depression for the past 9 yearsi am25 and now that this has happened with my gfi amfeeling a whole different type of emptiness and i amactually afraid that i will act on it its the newness of the bleakness that has got me worried and those familiar spiraling thoughts are nowhere to be seen all i can see in my minds eye is nothing i dont want to be at my crappy job anymore i dont want to go home tonight and sit down for dinner with my family and pretend like i am feeling something other than nothing i dont want to close my eyes just to open them again and still be living,1
some days i feel like the biggest ct in the world my friends dog died a week ago and i just found out about it 2 days ago i wanted to comfort her because shes always there for me but all i did was remind her now i feel like shit because i made her feel like shit and shes not talking to me and shes my only friend because everyone else ghosted and one might have even killed herself because i wasnt there for her and i swallowed pills and nowi amjust waiting for them to take effect,1
amending it tomorrow should i leave a note nobody is going to talk me out of it my plan is ready and i amfinally sure its happening its actually left me feeling peaceful knowing its going to be over the only other thing on my mind right now is knowing how its going to absolutely destroy my family i know its a selfish decision but i cant stand to go on any longer should i leave a note or is it better to let them imagine and deal with it themselves i dont even know how id write a note i cant even put into words how i feel other than knowing it has to end,1
thinking about it alot so ever since my brother moved out ive been stuck herei am29 no job no money no nothing stuck at home cant get a job because i cant go anywhere because i have no car and live miles from anything every day i wake up and think is today the day and ever night before i fall asleep when i can sleep i wonder why i didnt do iti am5050 on wanting to do but not wanting to destroy my mom by doing it she would never be the same if i did but at the same time i cant take it anymore my brother was always kind of my best friend now he wont even pick up the fucking phone when i call him literally seconds after getting a text from him just happened as i was typing this so he definitely has the phone in his hand stilli am not even going to tell him about if he wants to be so selfish fuck this typing it out just makes me want to do it more i think i want to do it tomorrow i already have everything i need and i have options i could go with drugs a gun hanging whatever i just dont fucking care anymore ,1
done with everything just done with everything,1
i cant stop drowning get over it man up you have nothing to be depressed about dont think about it stop being sensitiveim tired of hearing thisi cant stop thinking about killing myself i take my medication everyday and it stopped for a few weeks now its back and i amgetting closer to doing something i have only admitted that i am depressed to my therapist and doctor i havent admitted to them about being suicidal am afraid of what might happenive been going to work and trying to be positive but i constantly think about ending it all day i cant shut it off its suffocating me to the point where i am convinced i should kill myself ive been trying not to self harm drink or take drugs but its getting harder i dont want to seem like an attention seeker no one takes me seriously and i cant take itim scared and lost ,1
i tried escaping my nmom and now my son has been taken away from me they are trying to portray me as a bad mother and i cant go on i have booked a hotel for tonight to kill myself after work my only motivation was my son and now his father wont let me see him thank you all for being so amazingi will think of your love in my final hoursplease dont try to talk me outits time,1
veins ive struggled with depression and anxiety the majority of my adolescent life that being saidi amno stranger to the temptations of suicide i attempted suicide once back in highschool but i have always had an issue with selfharm i gave my life to god after my suicide attempt and that seemed to alleviate the pain for a season and i sobered up in reference to cutting for nearly three years afterwards nowi amnearly 21 and almost a divorcee some daysi am fine other days i struggle to get out of bed in the morning the love of my life my best friend of six years who helped me through my depression and brought me to god decided that i wasnt good enough for him anymore he cheated on me god only knows how many times with different people and is now happy in a new relationship i feel likei amstarting the grieving process all over again i was happy with starting anew in acceptance that my marriage was over now i alternate between the stages some daysi am angry and bitter and seek revenge some days i come home from work and just go straight to bed because if one more person asks me ifi amoki amjust going to lose it and some days i prefer these days i get all glammed up and uphold a too hot for you attitude sadly those days are few and far between ive become increasingly aware of how prominent the veins in my arm are they are tiny but the bluepurple tinge provides a nice contrast to my porcelain casper the friendly ghost arms i often fantasize about coming home from a long hard day at work running a nice warm bathtub of water and slitting them open leaving my roommates to find me i know that sounds disturbing and probably selfish but all ive done is act selflessly only to be screwed over and abandoned sometimes the only thing stopping me is knowing that my husky relies on me and that if i died hed be sent to live with my ex where hed be neglected ,1
killed myself in a dream it felt peaceful i killed myself in a dream and after waking up instead of being alarmed or scared i actually felt peaceful been contemplating suicide for awhile now i have ptsd and depression and ive been trying to stay alive through crowdsourcing my my passion just to see if it works out for me and for the people i care for but if it doesnt work out for me i might have to just end it i actually felt depressed when i access it everyday and still nobody appreciates what you do even if its not that huge as long as youre putting your efforts into it i just dont see the purpose of living if youre not doing the thing you love and living with ptsd is really not fun it can haunt you anytime and anywhere and sometimes i dont think i can deal with it anymore where i have to hide myself from everyone else and pretend that youre fine when youre actually not where depression and ptsd is not talked about and people think that youre just overdramatic person ive told my parents about this before and now they act like it didnt happen and sometimes make jokes about the issuei amfacing everytime i feel depressed sometimes i would do something that i know is bad for me like mixing alcohol and other stuff or taking a lot of meds than i should have just sleep off the pain or wheni am too scared i just cry myself to sleep so maybe maybe if i do kill myself would it still be as peaceful and will i feel satisfaction as i did on my dream ,1
i made up my mind going to do it 2 hours later goodbye everyone,1
hallucinationsi amonly 16 and for the past month ive been seeing a hallucination of myself everyday and i talk to him for about an hour and i want to get rid of him,1
done waiting for the end to come wishing i had strength to stand this is not what i had planned its out of my control on repeat i am in a terrible mindset i am a fucking loser piece of shit i have been thinking about killing myself for years now i think this winter i will do it,1
i really want out of my country hi whats wrong,1
my life is over i went to the counselor and i told them something i shouldnt have my counselor reported it now my family is gonna be ruined my family is the last thing i had the guilt and anxiety is unbearablei amdestined to be alone with my thoughts i shouldnt have messed with destiny,1
ive been thinking about dying latelyi am not going to try ive just been thinking i told one of my coworkers and he laughed at mei am not going to tell my boss because everyone here jokes about it but i amthe only one that doesnt think this is funny,1
amfeeling very low and i dont know how it happened i dont know if it just crept up on me or if it just came out of nowhere but i amfeeling very very low today and am having suicidal thoughts for the first time since my last hospitalization in june i had electroconvulsive therapy done 16 times i think and i felt fine i thought until today and now i just cant seem to shake the thoughts i dont know who to talk to about it because the last person who i deemed my best friend called me selfish and eventually left my life recently saying that she wasnt a therapist so i dont want to push anybody away again ive told my girlfriend thati amvery sad today but she doesnt know the extent of iti am going to the counseling services at my university tomorrow to talk to them and i amhoping they cantwont hospitalize me i need to cry but cant and i just feel awful,1
ive decidedi amready to go i get my onemonth refill of generic ativan lorazepam tomorrow its 90 1mg pills i hope that and the majority of a 375ml bottle of rum will be enough to end me without causing too much of a messi am tired of the social anxiety my shit job and the depression i will get my refill tomorrow wait till everyone is asleep and hope i will be gone by morning,1
i have an incurable genetic condition trimethylaminuria and i would like to end my life on or before october 1st this is a permanent solution to a permanent problem which is whyi amhoping to do it at dignitas,1
peace tonight soi amkilling myslef tonight my lifes always been mundane nothing exciting i did to many drugs in high school and now thati amout life just isnt fun i have friends and family who will miss me but ive caused so much pain for them that it will be better ifi amgonei amactually very excited to see whats after death its kind of like a mystery ive always wanted to know and now i finally will know if i meet godi am going to give him the biggest fucking middle finger ever ,1
is anyone else scared of going to hell if they were to commit suicide ,1
that crushing feeling you get when you realize its never going to get betteri amstuck in a position i never asked to be in due to my mothers mistakes and self destructive behavior ive tried to help but no longer feel i can i have come to the point where i realize i cant help her its never going to get better jumping off fremont is probably the only logical choice i have left i cant do thisi amonly seeing myself up for failure by trying to bail out a sinking ship that my mother continues to drill holes in,1
i feel sick dealt the bad cards cant feel happy no job security no futurei ama 23m and have wasted most of my life drinking and smoking weed i was a very creative social kid growing up now i rarely see any friends and feel spaced out when i do likei am an effort to hang out withi feel sick from the flu but my mood has plummeted ive thought about suicide every few minutes for 3 days i dont want to leave my family behind but i feel likei amjust rotting awaymy brother is the best person i know hes quite a bit shorter than the average person and hasnt had success with women because of it hes in his 20s short and insecure though he does everything to concrete a good life something that makes me suicidal is a man can be a 910 personality hobbies financially ambitoin wise and still get ignored by 90 of women due to height in a world begging for acceptance and love for everyone shorter men are still the laughing stock that sickening reality alone makes me want to end it all i cant bare to watch this sweet guy keep getting kicked back at every effort and i see it hurt himim know he will find someone i just wish the issue of heightism was brough up once in a while no matter how liberated a women is she needs her taller man to feel protected i get it it makes sense it just destroys the heartsminds of a whole demographic and no one caresi have no qualificationdegrees i have lost ambition to persue a career and have accepted i will be doing labourfactory work for my life i couldve done more i want to snap into gear and take life by the horns but i feel so sick i wish i could find a place where women liked shorter men so i good hook my brother up i would trade a limb for him to be half a foot bigger i know it sounds selfish to focus on my bros height but if you saw it form where i stood he has been disrespectedoverlookedunacknowledged in the past due to my height the women who dont give him a second chance and make light that its because of his height youd be such a good bf just too short for me i hate them nobody tells a woman youre too fat for me yet its the exact same thing ,1
my mother walked in while i had a gun to my head she just yelled at me for drinking and then she yelled at me for apparently scuffing my brothers gun before he got a chance to use it i mean its not like i was seeking attention or anything but it would have been nice if she at least acknowledged that i was seconds away from splattering my brains against the garage wall and maybe not berate me for wanting to especially since a lot of my distress lately stems from her denying that the difficulties ive been dealing with lately are legitimate sorryi amjust venting i have to tell somebody how shitty i feel and this whole thing just proves to me that nobody would care ifi amgone,1
how i survived this is my story about depression and the struggles post will be long so bare with mehii amredditor 23 years old male i was born to low income family and my brother was handicapped my parents were working 14 hour long days their old company had fallen over and the debt was huge they were starting new company so they could pay the bills and provide us we couldnt afford daycare or anything special and my brother needed to be taken care of so i took care of him since i was 7 years old i rarely saw my parents and they were working most of the weekends as well i didnt have any spare time because the situation of my brother and someone had to take care of the house i did all groceries and house chores including cooking and cleaning walked my brother to the school for disabled kids and picked him up as well just to make it clear my parents didnt ask me to any of this i did this cause no one else could because all the efforts me and my parents made in the next 7 years the firm turned out to be success we had enough money to move to a better place we got new car and all that i got my own pc and everything seemed to turn out welli was 14 when we moved to new town it was a small place with only 8000 people living there first couple weeks went ok untill the older kids started to bully my brother and not like teasing but beating him and telling him awful things like to kill himself and all that i stood besides him and tried to make it stop but it only ended me being bullied as well it was now just me and my brother in the school i fell into deep depression which i still suffer today but ive learned to cope with it i didnt have any real friends and since i actually had some spare times these days i started playing on my pc i found this awesome group of people who i ended up spending all my free time with school was hell but when i was at home it all seemed to go away because i fell in love there was this girl who was playing with us and we started getting closer we ended up talking late to the morning almost everyday eventually i had the balls to te tell her i want to be more than friends and to my surprise she felt the same way only problem was she was living like 150 km 100 miles away from me we used messenger and webcams texting all days and after 10 months we had our first irl date after that date we would travel the distance every weekend to spend time together we ended up doing this for about year untill we didnt want to travel the distance instead we managed to convince our parents that we could move together and we didi had just started high school with my girlfriend and it went pretty well for couple of yearsi am going to skip some details here cause this is turning out longer than i inteded but long story shorti amfalling deeper into depression dreaming about suicide every single day and just trying to act like nothing is going on i start to party and use lots of alcohol and drugs since we had our own place and we partied there 24 times every week with my new friends i end up being alcoholic and drug addict who struggles with schooli am not happy anymore with anything and the acting is taking alot from me i start thinking that i dont deserve this girl and end up leaving her she refuses to leave and i just dont want to hurt her i want to kill myself more than anything i fuck her best friend so she would stop contacting me i wanted her to hate me so she wouldnt mourn after me when i would kill myselfi end up moving with my best friend who i had met during school we take lots of drugs and just hang on after one fucked up trip lsd trip i end up wanting to live more i end up meeting my new girlfriend and the three of us start to hang out we dates for like a year and i end up finding those two cheating behind my back i was very high at the moment when i found out what was going on and end up cutting my wrists just to piss them both of i survived and cut my contacts to minimum with both of them was still living with my friend though i leave for couple of months to travel because i want to kill myself i end up living in my car and after couple of months i find this awesome girl who becomes my best friend we ended up living together well we had sex and acted like a couple without being one hard to explainand after all of this i was 20 so much happens in the next 3 years but this thread is not about me its the story of how someone can survive even against all the odds after all this shit i have been through i hope you manage to pull it through as welli am not saying you might have it better or worse alli amsaying you can do it i did it so will you and my secret to that enjoy and feel triumphant when ever you dont feel like shit because of that small thing i have turned my life aroundedit sorry for all the spelling not my native language and got a little bit emotional writing this down,1
what is the point i have no good friends no job and i drop out of college this year never been in a relationship eitheri amjust always looking a way out of human contact despite this my life is not particularly bad i have home and state supports me enough to live minimal life i could still finish my degree or apply for jobs or at least train my skills as i have all the time in the world but i just dont see why i would want to do that if i can just sit home and do pointless stuff that keeps me somewhat happy and sane this on the other hand has brought up another problem that has been in my mind for months that is why i even continue living when there is no point in anything what does it matter if i die today or live another 60 years accomplishing nothing for the past week i have been thinking just ending it as the void just feels far more better option today i have spent entire day researching different suicide methods so i could just drift awaybut nowi amstarting to feel that being somewhat content with this pointless stuff is actually preventing me from making the final decision and with the constant desire of dyingi amnow in some sort of middle ground where i cant kill myself but i cant live either i just want a way out of this feeling,1
complicated situation here need help so a close friend of mine has recently been feeling depressed and has told me and another friend that he nearly brought himself to committing suicide he also has a collection of recently self inflicted burns and cutsme and a few of his friends have previously tried to help him via positive notes about him which seemed to have a slightly positive impact we are now considering going to talk to his family privately in order to see that they could help him is this a good idea,1
my trail of bread crumbs i dont want to be aliveim so sorry for whatever it is that ive done in this life or my previous one i tried so hard for so long its been nearly 4 years since ive had a friend since ive had a mum its been 8 years of mental agony of cutting my wrists and my thighs of suicide plans and notes 8 years of being alienated by my family and friends of hating myself to my corei wanted to be loved i wanted to be cherished and adored by friends family a lover theres so many beautiful things in this world thati amnever going to be able to experience when i see others i used to know doing everything i wish i could be doing it pains me inside every year alive is another year of pain and pointless trials and tribulations nobody thinks about me oh her oh yeah i kind of remember her well i dont remember her anymoreshe had blonde hair she used to wear red lipstick all the time she was an artist and a good friend she was kind and she cried a lot now shes empty shes nothing anymore shes a shell that holds only the echos of who she used to be her hearts hollow and her mind is elsewhere ive left a trail of all the pieces of my heart along the way like a path of bread crumbs following the disintegration of my life memories hold the pieces of my heart i guess i didnt have as many pieces to give as normal people all my happiness has been allocated already theres no more life left for me to give my heart aches at my thoughts and the smiles i used to give i hope my heaven is just a play back of the handful of wonderful memories the ones i replay like a worn out record in my mind when i feel empty i cant believei am still here ive been numb for so long i wish i had someone who cares about me to tell this to but i guess i have this place instead hi tonighti amthinking about everyone whos left the earth by their own choice i hope theyre finally feeling better i wish i was strong enough to stop my pain too,1
i often find myself wanting to commit suicide over seemingly trivial things can anyone help me i dont know what to do at this point the will to live is getting weaker and weaker and i truly dont want to be on this planet anymore the thing thati am somewhat questioning is that it seems that theres always something minor that seems to set me off and brings me to having these sort of thoughts i sent a really stupid message to this guy thati aminterested in romantically and he hasnt responded due to the message being so fucking stupid and for a few days now i have honestly thought about killing myself and when i look at the reasons why everythings leading back to this message i went through a serious depression in my adolescence and ever since then i feel like my options in life has been severely limited i just dont want to do it anymore and i dont see the point its all just so hopeless ,1
bedbugs fml think i might have just gotten myself evicted for reporting bedbugs exterminator is going to bankrupt me i should just dye the carpet red if i find a notice on my door after that been through too much and if they evict me and my dad i will just whack open my arms and start doing jumpingjacks,1
not wanting to be the boy who cried wolf thats what they all say when i tell themi amhaving suicidal thoughts again oh youve been saying youre depressed for five years now do you ever lighten up youre not actually going to do it you havent done it yetand theyre right i feel like a coward and a liar for being here when i said wouldnt be dozens of times for telling them i was feeling suicidal but not actually following through with my promisespeople should follow through on things you know they should be dependable how would you feel if your friend said he was going to skydive a hundred times and never actually did it i feel guilty becausei amunable to do what i sayi am going to do ,1
i dont even know i wouldnt say i have depression i think i have been sad for a long time but i do believe that if things turned out different my outlook on life would also be different i left high school feeling like i was on top of the world i felt like i was part of a family that would stay with me forever when i started college though everything fell apart i started developing a social anxiety one of the main reasons college sucked was because i started dating this girl who took up all my time she was very clingy and jealous and had depression and anxiety and would never let me go out ever or she would have a panic attack which would lead me to stay everytime i would even mention breaking up with her she would say something about her depression and suicide and it felt like there wasnt much i could do besides stay with her you know i felt trapped and i didnt know what to do for months this would happen and soon led me to being isolated from people on my dorm floor and any types of friends any time she was gone i would just stay in my room because my anxiety made it impossible for me to have the courage to go out and make friends i soon dropped out of college leading to a strained relationship with my parents that hasnt been fixed and finally got the courage to break up with my gf which soon led her to try and kill herself which was the worst day of my life i have always wanted to make people happy and to think that someone wanted to kill themself because of me really took a toll on me i got into some fucked up thoughts i kept thinking if i were not around people would be happier like maybe if i wasnt around my gf would not have tried to kill herself my mom would not be dissapointed in her college drop out son and every single time i messed up especially when i messed up on the job waiting tables i felt like all i did was make people lives worst i started drinking a lot more and started having many suicidal thoughts myself nowi am20 years old who just moved to a new college trying to start over and forget my past but the thing is my past is something that will always be a part of me my anxiety has worsen and i cant help but think that everyone hates me and thinksi ama loser i spend every night in my room watching youtube and will spend days at a time without saying a wordi amjust very unhappy right now and i feel like no one cares about me anymore i dont why i decided to write this and i dont even know if it makes sense but i guess i just need advice from anyone who has gone through something similar i just want my life to go back to normal i dont know if i posted this in the right subreddit but there you go,1
all alone ive thought about killing myself many times in the pat and once tried it but out of fear didnt overdose as much as a fatal dose requires i come from a family wherei amemotionally abused because its the method of parenting known and ive had depression before the last 3 years of my life were the best of my life but my parents forced my boyfriend and i into a situation where it led to him being unable to handle it and he broke up with me i know i have no interest in being with anyone again and my dad has forced me into a career of his choice too theres nothing that gives me hope that the future will be bright ive wanted to leave home for years its almost harder to want death than it is to wish i was never born i dont know what to do anymore and i feel so alone with so many emotions and nothing to look forward too ,1
i shouldve killed my self six years ago when i had the chance i regret not doing it now too,1
this might be it ive been thinking about it for a while nowmaybe this weekend will be it its not like i have a horrble life i have a decent job a caring wife but i just feel extremely unhappy and ive plagued by horrible thoughts of losing all my friends and family for months now they came out of nowhere and its all i seem to think about anymore my childhood was alright aside from the yelling and threats from my dad ive been seeing a therapist and psychologist and have been taking meds but i just feel like i shouldnt be around anymore i have about 50 pills of klonopin some lexapro and a big bottle of whisky maybe hanging myself after taking it all will finish the jobi amscared but idk what else to do,1
i dont wanna die i just wanna get close i dont want to get superpersonal but ive been abused by people i loved in almost every other way besides sexual ive been left by so many people who i loved my dad and the friends i make every 2 years i move a loti amafraid that my only parent will leave me if i come out of the closet shes very religiousbelieves its a choicevoices dislike for a their lifestyle she alsodoesnt believe in depression which i speculate i have havent been diagnosed though my siblings are so distant and care more about their friends than mei think about what would happen if i attempted suicide sometimes and think about how everyone would act i dont actually consider doing it but i think about it mom would actually recognize that who i love doesnt matter my siblings would realize that they werent acknowledging me my dad would hear the news and realize he was a dick everyone would recognize i need love and give me so much of it toowhats wrong with me,1
am going to swall a bottle of ibuprofen by dawn i cant keep living like this all i do is schoolwork my parents are constantly pressuring me and all its done is make my life worse i have nothing to live for i meant swallow in the title by the way,1
i wonder how long itll take me until i end my miserable life things seem to be getting worse and i am tired,1
ex 4 years left to livei am so confused i dont get it i still love him i want him to be ok what could i have done i have to preform live on stage tomorrow everything externally is going fine i dont get it what is going on when i wake up the nightmare starts thats the difference take me instead pleaseedit found out that he lied sorry i should have saved my breath ,1
i cant go along with this anymorei am in my junior year of high school and i am16 years of age i have never been a good student in school i have something called a slow processing speed which basically means most of the timei ambehind my class the part that really makes me upset is thati am not dumb and i actually have a normal intelligence level but since i have this learning disability i fall behind and get poor grades 81 average to be exact ive gotten special help before but when i do i just get bullied for it and feel even worse i constantly think why cant i just be normal and use my full potential ive been thinking a lot about suicide recently because this is the year that i have the sat and i amdefinitely going to have a hard time and i just feel like if i end it all now my family wont have to watch me fail in life,1
girlfriend showed suicidal thoughts for the first time today hi i need help we kinda had a fight today actually she was just emotionally unstable and she threw this info to me for the first time ever after that i started to think about the hints she gave me and felt stupid because i didnt catch i told her to tell me everything she feels about it from now and that all her fights are mine too she also told me that sometimes she cuts herself in the shower and this has been happening since shes a kid and that the only reason she didnt killed herself yet is because of me ive no idea of what i should do and shes a very smart person so i dont think shes lying at anything because she knows i would find that,1
every time i tell someone my problems they stop talking to me friends internet strangers a freaking therapist gave up on me after i told her some of my problems it just reinforces the idea my problems can never be fixed and i should just kill myself i mean if this many people give up on me why shouldnt i give up on myself,1
does anyone else get worse and start going down the drain when their lives dont feel in their control i cant keep on doing this once the thought of it all being better if i was dead hit i realized how bad it is here for me i am so weak and stupid for letting this all get to me ,1
i just need advice what would you do i posted on first i think it is also suitable here i dont have anyone to talk to about this so i came here i have been feeling really down and depressed lately and it feels like there is no hope another user posted and that is exactly what i am going through and the reason behind my suicidal thoughts the only exception is that my parents are somewhat understanding i was so sure of leaving this world this month so i didnt go back to college this week because i feel too tired mentally plus i wont be here long so whats the point even if i dont kill myself i am not going to school because i feel too anxious and i dont have ability or motivation to study go out or socialize i know i will end up sitting alone not talking to anyone and too anxious to talk to people or make friends i am not going through the anxiety and sadness that comes with going to school for another year i was anxious all through out high school and didnt develop any social skills no friends hobbies so there is interesting nothing in my life to talk about it is not just school even work i feel the same so i quit my part time job too if i just drop out i am going to be a drop out with no social life or a job,1
i have 35 minutes at exactly 8pmi am going in the basement to hang myself my suicide letter is already writtenprinted and i am in the process of clearing all storage mediums i havegoodnight,1
i just had a yepi amdone here moment father has a brain tumor mother is dead brother is a schizo wife doesnt love me no stable career getting older unhappyive always wanted to die came close five years ago now i just had an epiphanyi amjust about done ive been on fumes for five years now barely livingi feel like after you cross that hurdle of mentally killing your self the act itself is not frightening i sat down and envisioned a gun to my temple and pulled the trigger it was incredibly easy anyone else feel that like yea were just about done now,1
depression and negative thoughts i dont know if it counts as i dont think about suicide in the way that i imagine most people do but nearly every day i will be doing something simple like driving and just think to myself what if i just drove into that tree or i will think today is the dayi am going to crash and die today and then i safely make it to my destination its pretty much a daily occurrence i often think about how my family will react when they hear news of my body being ejected from my car when it rolled over into a tree if itll make life easier or harder on them i dont know if this actually counts as being suicidal because i dont think i have the willpower to actually take my own life id probably fail at killing my self too but its something thats on my mind daily and i felt like sharing it ,1
i cant stop thinking about it every few minutes an image pops into my head of a new way to kill myself i dont consciously think of it they just appear and they provide a warm comfort dammit i want to kill myselfi ama coward thoughi ama piece of shit idiot who will never be good enoughi ama fat ugly retard nobody loves my boyfriend drunkenly tells me he has always be in love with his best friend and ever since thennearly a year ago i constantly think about how i dont measure upi ama stupid fucking shit compared to someone so fucking perfect i hate that i will never be as perfect as her he says to not worry but i fucking worry knoow why bc he yells at me when i tell him how i feel saysi am an immature bitch so what if i ami amfilled with selfloathing and have borderline personality disorder i cant stop it i hate myself i fucking hate myself i hate thati am not that fucking rachel bitch i hate thati ama fucking crazy bitch i hate thati ama coward and cant kill myself i hate thati am so goddamn pathetic thati amlike this its not just this its everything every fucking thing my life is falling apart and its my own fault i justwant to die maybe in death i will be good enough just fucking maybe if i slashed my face to pieces id look better than i do now sorryi am not that deep cute wonderful chick that my boyfriend always wanted sorryi am so fucking crazy maybe if i was good enough i wouldnt be put down or taken advantaged of but fuck me right thats what i deserve no i deserve death thats all i deserve i know that this will make me seem fucking insane but dammit i need to get it out i am going to kill myself soon anyway wtf does it matter what is thought of me anymore soonif i wasnt such a coward sorry everyone ,1
seriously considering killing myself thursday after my roommate leaves i can use her crossbow i figure i can aim it at my own heart right i have nothing left to live for theres nothing for me in this world i dont think there ever was,1
mani amfucked up i wish i was deadi am so so fucked up i just took an online screening for personality disorders and the results came as follows theres a very high chance i have avoidant avoidant personality borderline personality and ocd theres a high chancei amparanoid schizoid schizotypal and narcissistic i know what youre thinking its ridiculous of me to take an online screening this seriously go see a professional for christs sake but fuck that i will see a professionali am so so scared to find out all of the fucking shit thats wrong with me all the shiti am not even fucking aware of i feel so fucked up and i dont see a point in going on idk why i keep choosing to exist instead of death it certainly isnt for a good reason i cannot accept myself in facti am worthy of hate all i do is complain about my problems on redditi amrude to and reject those who try to message me saying we can talk because i dont want to talk but what makes me so special what right do i have to be so arrogant as to sayi amall alone on this planet god please kill me in my sleepi ama fucking unpleasant attention whore ,1
i want to tell someone anonymously what has happened to me to make me want to kill myself if anyone will listen i will tell you everythingi am so sad it physically hurts,1
i am just tired of being myself i am tired of still struggling with my weight i am very morbidly obese like hitting the 500 lbs mark its the usual cycle of i feel bad so i eat which makes me feel worse so i eat etc my weight has just climbed ive used it to push people away to bottle up my emotions when i was 18 i was very close to killing myself but i didnt tonight i regret it because then all those years wouldnt have happened and i wouldnt have so much failure on my shouldersi am so ashamed of myself that i cant live i push away my friends becausei amafraid to see that damn shes big expression on their face i lost my job last year and ive been afraid to look for one because of how disgusting i look i went to school to get a better career but my weight poses a serious roadblock my mom gave me a box of chocolate donuts the other day and it really hurt me it was a weird reaction i guessi amprobably reading too much into it but i couldnt help but feel that shes given up on mei amfat and a failure so heres some donuts for you i dont have anyone to dump this on so here i am on the internet to at least vent a bit everyone around me seems to have a healthy relationship with their own life how can i poison it with my crap every night i hope my heart gives out and i just never wake up believe me i lift out of my familys life so easily theyll be sad for a bit but then therell be a relief that the anchor around their neck is gone one thing that scares me is surviving my attempt it would be my luck to end up worse than ever i have tried to lose weight sometimes i feel like a drug addict thats trying to resist their next fix but end up giving in why is it that good people die and pieces of shit like me get to live sometimes i wish id get mugged so that the decision would be taken out of my handsi am so sick of myself and i dont know what to do i need help to just get through a moment in my skin i avoid a mirror as much as possible my sister just had a baby my first nephew i envy his clean slatei am so twisted in my thinking that sometimes i wish that had been addicted to alcohol or drugs so then at least i would be thini amashamed sharing that thought its so stupid i really dont know why anyone should care but this is my message in a bottle so to speaki amoverwhelmed and i dont know what to do anymore dying seems the best fix for my utter failure as a daughter sister friend student contributor to this world,1
girlfriend needs spacei recentky had an attempt and i am not scared to do it now girlfriend left me said she didnt think id change that it was us that was the problem i didnt want to lose her ive already been depressed ive had a rough life but nowi amcompletely alone i want her back but i dont know if she will i guess my question ishow can i change she saidi ama miserable person what can i do what can i say if i dont get her back theni amgonna leave this world she told me she still cared but i dont i attemoted a few weeks ago i know its painlessi am not scared anymore ,1
escapism extremist ive spent my life in a condition of acute darkness to be exacti am not sure howi amalive i have an insatiable understanding that i am destined to perish i was convinced that this now past summer would see the end of my life but as it is now september obviously i am at a loss while i recognize my life cant come to an end without actively attempting to halt it i have taken such a back seat role in my own existence that i feel like i have sunken beneath another realm i do not feel in control of this reality and it is growing increasingly petrifying as time goes oni am19 feel as if i am a selffulfilling prophecy ,1
problems at home it hurts hi my name is scott and i am16 years old and today i had my first real thought about suicide i live in a pretty wealthy family with a loving father my mother on the other hand is a bit differenti am not sure whether or not her love for me is real and i cant tell at this point whenever something bad happens its always my fault and i get no say in the matteri amcalled worthless a pile of shit and given no food at points because she says oh yeah i have to feed you till youre 18 oh well she has threatened to kick me out of the house numerous times and says when i turn 18i amnever to live in the house again and i have to support myself and never ask her for anything i just started my sophomore year and ive been doing decently well but i just bombed a chemistry test and my mom went at me for it she tells me that she would rather give the money to another kid who wants to try when she knows that i love school and want to do iti ama decently popular kid i play lacrossei am going to wrestle and have a good amount of friends but after today it feels like there is no future to me and that i dont see myself going anywhere i just cant envision my self at all even if i try i have 2 older sisters who are 27 and 30 and are both successful one is in medical school and the other is working for deloitte it feels like her expectations for me are based on what they did and they were incredibly smart i just dont know what to do and i really need help,1
is anyone just waiting this could mean waiting to see if things get better or waiting until your old enough to buy a gun i just want to see if anyone else feels the same,1
homeless or dead i dont know if i can make it past this month the loss of my home is one thing the loss of my pets is another i just cant deal with it i contribute nothing i have nothing i am nothingi amouqt of options,1
lost for years how am i supposed to do this i stumbled across my ex profile and went through her pictures i miss her and its been about 4 years ish since we broke up shes living life right now shes doing all kinds of shit i know people say well you only show what you want to show but it looks like theres so much more out there i feel like shit i dont do anythingi ama fat neet who sits home all day no school or anything ive been contemplating suicide for years now but i dont know how to convince myself that my family will be okay they put up with my neet shit and to off myself would be a giant fuck you i dont know anymore i have no friends or anything just music and vidya even then they are degrading as time goes,1
your experiences with suicide hotline do they send people to your location if you are suicidal should you call multiple people if you are having an unhelpful person,1
am16 and i feel like no one loves me or has time for me and i have nothing offer this world i feel like i have no potential and i amuseless my parents never have time for me and i dont have any real friends,1
all my problems can be traced to me being a lazy piece of shiti ama 16 year old in his junior year of high school academically i guess i would be considered at least an above average student the majority of my classes are advance placement this year and my gpa is well above a 40 out of 50i am not sure if it works differently in other states for whatever reason socially i thinki ampretty well liked i have friends and sometimes i even hang around with a few outside of school i have a parent who loves me and an older brother i adore and i live in a household that could comfortable be considered as well offso why do i feel like suicide is such an appealing option for meschool feels like a meaningless stress filled slog at this point although its early in the yeari am already beginning to struggle in a few of my classes i look ahead and my life looks murky and uncertain and i barely have anything planned for college or any inkling that the future will be any less of a meaningless stress filled slog at best i manage to distract myself for a few weeks before falling back into my usual mindseti know that theres a lot of people who are dealing with whati amdealing with or even more theres probably a couple hundred in my school alone in fact i look around and i see people excelling wherei amfailing comfortable wherei amstressed out it makes me wonder wherei am so fucking inadequate compared to the rest that i apparently cant deal with the life problems of a goddamn highschooler ive been doing my best to keep up with the schoolwork spending a few hours every day diligently finishing the homework were assigned but now that harvey has shut down the schools for a couple of weeks i find myself procrastinating the shit out of anything productive i could possibly be doing now that ive been bumped out of the hectic rhythm of school i can barely bring myself to study or practice for anything it pisses off my parents and it bugs me its just the latest example of where my problems wouldnt be there if i wasnt such a lazy piece of shiti amdreading when school starts up again so i have to play the game of desperately try to cover for your own inadequacies when you could avoid all of this by putting in the work in the first place nowi amaware i havent said anything that really sounds suicide worthy if anything i probably sound like a spoiled teen whining over insubstantial bullshit and failing to appreciate how good hes got it honestly thats probably true what makes this even more pathetic is that its not like i feel like my life has hit rock bottom or any of the usual reasons that one might consider killing themselves for or maybei amwrong some people consider killing themselves because their lives are unbearable i guess my reasoning could be considered a really watered down version of that i just really cant see myself going on like thisi dont really know if ive managed to properly convey howi amfeeling or if ive just typed some sort of vaguely depressed ramble the reasons i havent gone through with it yet are 1 i dont want to hurt my family and 2i am too much of a pussy to kill myself in a messy and painful way and the other methods are out of reach from me as a teen really even seriously considering suicide is selfish and probably narrowminded as fuck that doesnt make me feel any better about ittldr whiny teen cant deal with high school and could probably solve all of his problems as well as improve his life in general if hed stop being so fucking lazy,1
i want to commit suicide but i am too scared to do iti am15 living with my parents and younger sisterevery day i feel worse regardless of what i doas a hobby i play video games so much if anything its an addiction more than a hobbyill play mostly tf2 or some retro games from the gbagcn era usually replaying games like zelda metroid and marioeven though this is the only thing maintaining my sanity i still feel worse after making no progress on something productive in the real worldive been learning piano for around 5 years 2 years ago i started grades and i amat grade 5 ive lost the will to practice as i make no improvements no matter how long i spend revising piecesim unattractive by societys standards and very underweighti lack any form of intelligence and my grades have been waning in recent yearswherever i goi amtreated as though i am an invalidmy only options i have are to drown myself slit my throat or stab myself all of whichi am too afraid to actually doi cut myself and drink heavily behind my parents backs to not sate an alcohol addiction but to amend my misery and lust for paini despise the taste of the tonics i come across in the small cabinet in our dining room yet i refuse to stopi dont seek any kind of helpi amlong past thati ambroken if anythingwith all of the past failed suicide attempts that i had chickened out of and my parents had come across they have done nothing to prevent my eventual death or help mehow can surpass this fear and muster enough courage to end my sorry lifeim begging you i can hardly take it anymore,1
another goddamn dayi amat my wits endi am not happy or sad anymorei amexclusively agitated at the fact thati amalways confused i really dont want to live i shouldnt have to live this long why wont the meds work none of them fucking work,1
i just feel so alone i dont know i feel so alone i recently moved an hour away from where i used to live for the past 5 years of my life i met so many amazing and influential people there and it broke me when i had to go now i started my sophomore year in high school without everyone i love and ive never felt more upset and suicidal i feel like theres a force inside my chest constantly pushing me down everyday ive been feeling worse and worse i want to end my life but i am so scared to hurt the people that care about me i do have a couple of friends who actually care but they live far away and i only see them on weekends i know it sounds so stupid but for someone who is an introvert and barely opens up to anyone it was a very big deal to me because it takes so much energy to form new connections with people and i amdone with trying i dont care anymore i just want to die thats all i want anymore i just feel so sad and i dont want to see a therapist because they cant do anything i dont knowi amjust spouting random things at this point sorry if this is hard to read i suck at writing ripppp,1
lonely as fuck and i have nothing to offer inferior to other men and women why should i be alive just started my first semester at college and having absolutely no luck with women like always still a kissless virgin and not meeting anyone it clicks with got a tinder for kicks and matched with almost nobody dms not going wellmeanwhile i hear about girls who get 100 matches easily i just dont see the point of life anymore and i want to fucking die because i know that no one will ever love me or even feel any kind of affection for me for every girl i likei amsure there are 10 hotter guys breathing down her necki amhopelessly outgunned and outmanned in every aspect of lifei amhideous not particularly smart not even good at any type of game or competitionmy only skill is playing the saxophone but i got so fucking sick of it in high school that i almost stopped i dont see why i should live anymore when all i will do is fail and all i will be is inferior want to kill myself but scared to die and scared it will be painful,1
why do they say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem i have bipolar disorder and it can be very debilitating even on medicine i get into low moods where the only thing i can do is think about killing myself i cant even get out of bed it interferes with my professional life as i am a programmer and i need to be able to concentrate and think clearly which is impossible during low periods the medicine also messes with my cognitive ability ive been dealing with this for years i will live with this forever this is a permanent problem i feel like i need a permanent solution,1
hey i amuseless i hate myself and feel sorry for people who forced to talk with me i want to end it all but i fucking cant i am scaredi am so fucking scared the only reason i wanted to live and get better has left me and i cant bear it at alli amobsessed with her and i feel so pathetic about it my hands have started to shake regularly and i dont know why also heart hurts sometime especially wheni amsmoking maybe i finally reached the point and cigarettes will finally kill me idk i cant live like thati ambasically a dirty worm whos crawling around but most than i hate myself i hate you all because you are all liars every single piece of shit here who says i care is a liar stop lying to others and first of all to yourself you dont fucking care and you know it deep inside thats the human nature you know why you care because helping others makes you feel nice guy you wont help people if its gonna hurt you in some way ive seen so many people who cared and nowi amgetting sick of it each time i see i care ori amhere for you i want to fucking kill people who said that because its a lie who the fuck can you pretend does giving false hope make you feel better i swear to god i will end it all and no shit liar will be able to stop all i want to do before i go is to keep promise i gave to someone i love i will do it and then i will leave everything i have to her and fucking shoot myself even if she doesnt love me anymore idci am not a liar and i am not breaking promises and i cant stop it its just who i am you think i didnt try to find another girl and make my life better i tried i tried to change but no matter what memories are able to stop me each time and i cant take it anymore i cant go on at all i dont want to go on honestly all my lifestory is a joke bigbig joke and no one will even remember me hahi dont even know what the hell am i talking about now whatever feel free to trashtalk or pretend cheers ,1
i cant die until my grandparents are gone ive always been a nihilist and a cynic but i would like some happiness for a couple years before i decide to end it theres been a long line of tragedy in my family and i dont think i can allow my grandparents to experience that again while theyre still alive they raised me since i was born and i love them more than anything theyve lost so many loved ones including my uncle who i never had the honor of meeting my aunts husband whom was an honorable man siblings relatives you name it i think i changed after i became diabetic i never treated my girlfriend the same ever again i tried my best after getting back together with her but my moods were never the same i became angry at the smallest things and i tried to fix that but i got more complications with my oral health and my mental health and my relationship was never the same i got cheated on and ghosted she pretended nothing was going on as she spoke with me online i knew she should never moved to another state but there was nothing i could do about it i just want the rest of you to enjoy life but be careful of who you trust i saved her from suicidal thoughts and depression three years ago but i thinki amon the same path now i just wanted to hear her say respond to me i tried messaging her and calling her all week to no avail she was with him i just cant believe she didnt treat me as a human being after all weve been through i just wanted to tell you how i was sorry for everythingi have an mri scheduled but i dont think i will have it checked my sis is having a baby and thats what excites me the most ive learned more in these last 2 years of my life than i ever could have dreamed of in my first 20 one thing i think i would regret is not doing things that make me happy before i go i love spending time with my grandfather i love him more than anyone on the planet ive forgiven my mother for abandoning my family when i was born and ive been trying to limit my swearing i never should have begun in the first placeif i had to impart any piece of wisdom to my brothers and sisters in the struggle do things that make you happy dont be filled with regret or anxiety regardless of when you want to go or how you want to goi am not here to change minds or have my mind changed surround yourself with the things you care about and the people you care about regardless of your final decision,1
i nearly hung myself yesterday there is a random hook in my living room perfect if you wanna hang yourself i bought the rope a few weeks back looked up how to tie a hangmans noose and attached it to the hook i put the rope around my neck and sobbed like a baby i cant do this much longer its getting worse,1
i think ive decided i thinki amgonna do it on my birthdayi amgonna do it its in june so i have enough time to figure it out but also enough time to pussy out ifi amgonna maybe i will be able to keep going on until then knowingi amgonna do it later maybe i will end up doing it before then idk i just know somethings got to give soon,1
they always say you should reach out to someonebut what if it that makes it worse ive been suicidal for almost 10 years finally had the courage to tell my best friend she was great for a day and now shes acting like i never told her i can tell were drifting apart becausei amhaving a hard time reaching out but every time i want to say something to her i just think the person you consider your best friend does not care that you want to kill yourself of course i know that people will be sad after i die but if they dont care thati amalive whats the point in holding out and how am i supposed to trust anyone else enough to tell them i get that its a huge thing to drop on someone but when i think about it from the other perspective what i would do if she came to me i cant imagine not checking up on someone who told me they want to kill themselves like all i would need is a simple text a simple how are you especially when i know theyre in an environment with many triggers to their depression and suicidal thoughts i know people will say well theyre not very good friends anyway but if i cant consider her my best friend then i really dont think that life is worth livingi amout of the country and away from my friends and i have plenty of methods at my disposali am going to do it in a way that looks like an accident because i know shell feel bad if she knows its a suicide i dont want her to feel guilty because i still love her even though she may not love me the same ,1
well i set a deadline againi am going to try to fix my shit this semester and if i cant thats iti amout of energyi amout of money and i amout of goodwill people will miss me but theyre going to have to fucking deal because i will never be good enough for them anyway and i amsick of being a burden on my parents i feel as if i have no other path forwardi havent decided on a location yet id like to be far away from my parents but i think ive figured out my method which i will not discuss in accordance with rule 1a,1
medical insurance and checking into a hospital i really need to check myself into somewhere because i dont want to live anymore the suicide hotline is useless for me etc etc i know of three ways off the top of my head that i could kill myself right now ive heard horror stories about how much a hospital stay costs i was wondering does having insurance help with that at all or is it expensive regardless i have kaiser,1
really want to commit suicide but dont know how ok as you can tell by my title i am struggling with life massively at the moment i have literally nothing going for me i have spent the last 4 years without any friends girls despise me and i cant even look at a girl now without getting shot down i havent had a relationship in 5 years which just makes me lonely and depressedi am a 19 year old guy who is on the verge of doing something i might regret i am currently studying in a nautical college for the merchant navy i am now about to drop out because i couldnt make friends down here and am struggling massively academically i have already done a year at college and am on my second year i have been bullied by a lot of different people at different times so i dont know anymore i have been to a counsellor before but he made me worse been to the doctors but they just refered me to a counsellor and wont give me any anti depressantssometimes i think why the hell was i even born when i could give my life to someone more deserving of it than me and who would enjoy it more i know i am different got social anxiety and a whole host of problems but i pity anyone who goes through this or worse i cant describe how it feelsanyway i wish i didnt care about anything as i really want to commit suicide but there are too many things stopping me what happens if there is a hell which might be worse than earth will it be painful mess it will leave on my family i could be unsuccessful and leave me like a vegetable which would make me hate life even more i really just wish i could build up the courage to do itanyway rant over there is a bunch of other problems i have which i havent covered but i am too tired so just kept it short,1
inching towards no return hello therei hope everyone had a good labor day weekend6 months ago i moved to a new state along with a new job since then my depression has reached a new low my job leaves me full of stress and i am constantly anxious to the point where i can feel the stress flow throughout my body i hate myself for not being strong enough to get out of this toxic situation i am such a weak mentally willed individual that i collapse at the first sign of a challenge i dont even know who i am anymore every day i fantasize a little more about ending everything it brings me comfort which scares me i am not able to see a professional because i dont have the ability to take time off from work to get help i feel so much internal pain and i cant believe how much i truly hate myself ,1
i dont see a reason to livei am sorry if this post gets a little messy i dont feel great right now i have a lot of problems in life which i cant avoid due to being mentally and physically different i will that alone makes it incredibly hard to go through school as i get in trouble all the time and cant avoid it i feel too much physical pain and cant do stuff in physical ed nobody actually cares about that all i hear is try to ignore the pain and stuff like that then i have problems with my friends all the time i always try to help them whenever they have problems but always end up with them being angry at mei am not saying theres anything wrong with my friends its my fault i seriously want to kill myself but my friends are keeping me from doing it but it only seems they care wheni amsuicidal out of that my friends dont see a problem with bullying me and doing bad stuff to me i know some of my problems could be solved but i amalso afraid of getting help and even if i contacted someone i wouldnt know what to say to them to fix my problems its like i dont want to fix my problems i just want to die or rather notexist,1
debating on ending it i dont even know where to begin i turned 22 on aug 20th i have a wife and 2 boys under the age 2 i love them to death and i dont want them to not have a daddy but i am so close i own a glock 32 pistol and i amplanning on using it but my wife has it the glovebox of our car she will not let me have it until she knowsi amfeeling better soi amplanning to fake feeling better soon just to get the pistol then go far away from my house i suffer everyday but i kinda wanna hang in for a little bit longer but i dont know if i can i dont know if its my medicine making me feel like this or not my doc upped my dose of prozac from 10mg to 20mg and instantly i feel suicidal for the past 2 days i feel emotional numbness like i cant feel happy or really sad i feel nothing and my head feels foggy i dont feel likei amhere the only thing keeping me is my little boys faces everytime i see them i start to cry cause i think about leaving them here alone with just there mom my wife told me to come off the antidepressants but there lies another problem i started them cause i feel anxiety and panic alot i dont know if i have a depression cause whati amfeeling right now is depression id like to go back to when i was just taking 10mg of prozac for 4 weeks i felt better then when my doctor upped my dose my brain went fucking haywirei am not decreasing my dosage at alli amquiting this shiti am tired of it ,1
i want to kill myself but i amhere i have an apartment that only costs 120 monthly but i cant afford it i starve daily work a job 12 hours was kicked out of older jobs becausei am17 now i just work in a cafei amsick of life have no family no dad my friends think they should help with money but i reject i am tired i am sick of life but i amafraid to diei amhoping theres another way if theres anyone out there please tell me if there is a way i am desperately asking for something i cant find all my skills are useless where i live ,1
my fourth day at university and everybody has easily found atleast 2 to 3 friends whereas i am isolated and lonely there is no end to my suffering i wish i could kill myself i feel broken and lost,1
mthfr deplin has started to wear off no more magic bullet for my broken krebs cycle norepinephrine fight or flight neurotransmitter has far too much influence over how i present myself to others and i amgetting tunnel vision of the worst sortabout to go to a job fair tomorrow the collective voice of everyone in the room will agree on one thingim not considering suicide in the sense of physical death just the solitary outcome of being alive with shit genetics reputational deathif you have nothing to offer anyone count yourself lucky an enterprise that has not been attempted cannot fail a loan that has not been withdrawn cannot be owed a reputation that has not been born cannot die yet here i dwell in this tunnel,1
just another drifter i don t know what the point of this message is if i am telling the truth i have quote the american dream house spouse 2 kids a job and a fish i consider killing myself daily i also find a thread to talk myself out of it i feel alone there is no one there no one to talk too i have to carry the world and if i misstep then it is others who take the pain my wife tries to help be there be understanding i just don t know how to relay to her what is broken in me i changed jobs the feelings are worse now i feel worthless in the professional side of it too it wasn t always this way i used to be able to sleep more than an hour or two at a time i used to be able to turn off my inner monologue now i just feel it screaming at me all the time i ve got two small children that need everything they are the reason i stop even this morning the voice of doubt is in my head but the thought of my wife explaining it to my kids pulled me back i used to think i could take on the world now i have to pep talk myself to get out of bed it s pathetic part of me thinks maybe it is cte i played enough to allow for that to be a possibility but in the end it it is just me i don t want to be here the world wouldn t care if i wasn tnot that it should and i keep fighting because i don t want to hurt my kids though the other part of mind tells me probably correctly waiting is not doing them any favors get it over with and let them forget and heal,1
this point of no return i just refused my new job and someone replaced mei have food only for 7 more days before i start starvingsuicide by starvation is acceptable in hinduism soi amgonna do itthere is nothing that can save me nowand since it is not a violent method no one can send me to hospitalmy leg hurts really bad when i walk so i cant work even if i wanted tomy future is 100 dead,1
i should put a bullet through my head i should put a bullet through my head i should kill myself i should put a bullet through my head i should kill myself i should put a bullet through my head i should kill myself i should kill myself,1
right now i have pills laid out i think i want to kill myself now every week i keep pushing it but the days get worse and worse my parents and friends havent been able to understand when i tell them i need help so i might as well end it all and have them never worry if they did again i figured id want to talk to someone before i go,1
really need someone to give me a positive outcome throwaway account because people know my real oneim done i just started a college course that tbh i enjoy but after that theres just nothing ive started college while all my friends are staying for sixth form but i feel like i will enjoy the course so thats the present at high school we used to play together but then i stopped due to gcses and my friends all ditched me since i was no longer good at the game we played and i dont find it enjoyable by myself so i stopped playingthere was also a point when i was playing with my friends and i had suicidal thoughts one of my friends was just bullying me and no one would help or tell him to stop finally one day i told one of my friends and he actually was really supportive and talked me out of it we had a 2 or 3 hour chat about how to fix this and he even told me about this subreddit so to him i just want to say thanks for helping me get this far anyway i went to another game but played it through a 3rd party site at high school this got me through the days knowing i could come home and forget about all the shit and just relax but today i was banned from it without even breaking a rule i asked the guy that runs the site and he simply laughed at me shared it publicly and then deleted all the messages when i again asked if he could show me what rule i broke now after college i do football but the managers son started this whole thing i do not want to go to training or matches since i honestly think i will break his leg if i get the chance my parents are not easy to speak to my dad constantly shouts and my mum is shall we say not the brightest i cant make new friends at college because i always somehow fuck it up by being socially awkward all my friends that i played the 3rd party site with just ditched me since they are scared of getting banned as well now its all black what do i do ive been having suicidal thoughts for a while now but every time i thought of them i just thought wait until you get home and you can just relax by playing on the 3rd party site but now fuck everyone non of my old friends will talk to me i cant talk to my parents and i cant make new friends and i cannot even do the sports activitys ive been doing for years without getting worried that i will kill the little shitsorry if it seemsi ambeing overdramatic i have spoken to some of the people i played the 3rd party site with and they say its just a game to you maybe but not to me it helped me get through the days i could forget about everything even if it was just for 2 hours or so i try to talk myself out of it because i know it will haunt my parents forever but whenever i think about my whole fing life outside of college hours it just makes me want to do it and end it allalso if any of you thinki amoverreacting thats your opinion and your entitled to it but the only way to get something positive out of this is by telling you all how i honestly feel,1
hospital didnt even try to help and just left me even more debt ridden i feel likei amout of options if anyone is willing to talk let me know i have too much phone anxiety to call the hotline,1
i wish i was dead or never born since i can remember i have always known that i dont belong one of the first things i can clearly remember was my fathers hate of me his anger that i was even a being his disgusted looks at me made him harm me and witness the evils of a mans capabilitiesi am free of his gaze and feel nothing for him yet since i was 3 i have made many attempts and one of the first thoughts of any given day is that why am i still alive and one of the last thoughts of any given day is i hope i dont wake uppeople around me know of part of my struggles and how i feel but they see me wanting to commit suicide as a selfish act like most people do but to me whats selfish is wanting someone around who is suffering and see no end to that suffering i understand why people commit suicide and i dont think they are selfish we all just want the pain to go away and for some the only way to do so is to commit suicide whats selfish about thati believe that i am here to suffer and endure i am a witness to humanity and ive seen every facet of the evil in a person very rarely i see goodness and kindness and even then i question if its for selfish reasonswe are all selfish beings who want what we want i hate that aspect of myselfmy first attempt was at aged 3 yes 3 you read correctly i set alight my bed as i knew fire purged wrongs from the world as the fire licked at my skin it did not burn and simply was extinguishedanother attempt was around 12 when knowing how to tie knots and the tensile strength of the rope i used i could achieve the goal of ending my suffering a proper tight noose was tied and as i kicked the chair over the beam supporting my weight the rope snapped as though someone swung a sword the strands of rope were cleanly cut yet what i witnessed was an impossibility just as i saw 9 years previousa year or so later at aged 14 i was walking back from school and there was a high walking bridge that went across a dualcarriageway i stopped and knew it was time for me to try once more and so i stood over the railings and let go the reason i am able to write about this today is because my foot was caught in the railing leaving me hanging upside down like in the cartoons when a character is trapped by another managing to get myself up with the aid of another i simply limped home with a somewhat twisted ankle i told the person that a bully had tried to throw me overother attempts have included poisons stepping out in front of vehicles yes this is a bad one but when your in that mindset you dont care i have and never would attempt to jump in front of a train thats just not right having someone clean miles long tracksit would appear that i am here for something as every attempt i make is circumvented somehowthere is a lot i could write or say to my story but i guess i am still searching for a cure to my suffering and pain i am in receipt of medical help and support though i feel that currently there is no new information that i dont already know or could find for myself a long and slow process i am sure at 25 i feel as i always have empty alone and in pain,1
how do you copei am really scared for the future 19 years old and i cant see a future becausei am too mentally weak after so many setbacks i feel like a complete failure i cant decide on a career which leaves me without purpose so my life is pointless i now also have financial stress because of student debt my friends are so far ahead in life socially financially academically its discouragingi amashamed and just wish i could drop dead i know how this would happen with winter temperatures approaching i cant cope much longer after years of these thoughts please tell me is it worth it to keep going ,1
i must kill myself he would be better without me i was molested from age 567 i cant remember well this year has been hell i cannot cope i think i must go to protect everyone i love and hold dear to me for the better ive been getting nightmeres and horrible thoughts about hurting my brother who is everything to mei am so scared all the timei amscared i will become like the man who used me as a child people say that the abused go on to abuse i thinki amturning into a monster and i cant stop it the more i fight the thoughts the stronger they come the more elaborate they become but if i dont fight them i feel dirt and horrible i feel like a monster and i want to kill myself for it i get nightmares that he comes back and abused all my friends and he forces me into a monster who has to do whatever he wants i dont want to hurt anyone and i never have but these thoughts they will not stop i always worry thati amturning into a pedoi amalways scaredi amalways scared that maybe i hurt my brother or someone in the past but dont remember ive been to the gp 4 times with no help nothing i told my dad 34 times about the molestation when i was small only to have him ignore me and tell me to forget about iti told my mum and she just gave me anointed oil and tells me to put it on my head its like this is a joke its not a joke at all why can nobody see that this is terrifying and i dont know what to do ive asked for help many times and ive always been ignored maybe its becausei ama girl if a male came with these thoughts they would put him in a mental hospital asap but becausei ama short innocent looking girl soft spokeni ama joke i have nowhere to turn what should i do i really think killing myself is the best i protect my brother from my thoughts and i stop suffering in this way ive exhausted all other options ive tried i really have but to no avail this has made me loose my faith in god i prayed all the time but i saw myself slipping away whilst i felt like talking to a brick wall what farther would let his child suffer like this after begging for help all i do is cry and sleep i cant concentrate i push my brother away becausei am so scared i cant even sit without worrying,1
amabout to let it go about a year ago i got diagnosed with depression every fucking day seems like i am a stake getting pounded into the ground and hammer hits me further into an inescapable holei am18 never dated anyone never kissed anyone ive tried but i get rejected i consider myself unattractive and i feel like the lack of interest of girls helps support my claim i start college in january and i dont party or anything so i wont have any luck finding someone there i cant get myself to love myself i feel like if someone loved me i could finally accept myself but after dealing with another rejection today it doesnt look like it ive tried suicide twice once i pussied out the other time i fainted before painting my walls red i cant fucking stand to live in a world wherei amtrampled on and feel likei amleft out i have had hobbies but i just lost interest in them the only thing that puts me off from doing this is my family which i feel guilty for but i guess you dont feel guilty dead,1
am going to get house with a gun i wonder if these posts will be on the news no one responded to my previous post probably to long fuck it,1
hey guys its the guy from earlier i was kinda drunk _ i really appreciate the support still kinda drunk but she called me and told me how much she cares about me i also want to reiterate that it wasnt mainly about her i just realized i was really depressed thanks guys if you want check out my instagram 9clout thanks guys,1
ive been sitting with my 9mm in my hand for the last hour and i just cant pull the fucking trigger for some stupid reason theres this stupid fucking voice in the back of my mind saying tomorrow will be better dont do it i feel like such a fucking pussy and fuck up i cant even fucking kill myself properly i dont know what to doi am going outside for a smoke,1
lost my best friend to suicide 2 days ago he wasnt just my best friend he was my brother the guy who understood me and i understood him he was like my soulmate he was in a depression but never really talked about it just in the last few weeks he could never be truly himself all his life he pretended to be something he is not just to fit in with everyones expectations he was homosexual i was the only person who he told it to and from the beginning to end i accepted this and had no problems with it but he was afraid of others reaction and how it would affect his life i dont know the exact reason why he did it i think he had other problems going on too i miss him so much and at the same timei am angry at him for such an action leaving me here in this horrible world of pain the loss of him made me rethink everything i feel lost i feel suicidal i may actually feel what he felt before he left he was a good guy the best i ever knew he was good hearted he was everything a decent man should be rest in peace to him he lived 20 years,1
i just need another person a stranger preferable someone to talk to who knows nothing about me or my life i am in such a dark hole but there are others around me who have it worse i wantneed to overcome a lot of personal demons to help those around me but i just want to close everyone and everything out turn to highs and ignore the everlasting lows sometimes i think itd be easier to end it all and not worry about anyone elses problems or my own but i even i know thats selfish fuckim probably posting this on my main whatever shit needs to be out in the air if any of my friends see this hell if the ones who are in danger see it knowi amhere for you you need to knowi am in just as much pain too though edit hey guys ive been busy the past day or so but all the replies have been monumentally helpful i will do my best to reply to all of you i cant tell you how much it means to me to hear these kind words,1
ive managed to push everyone away and nowi amall alone ive recently separated from the military no deployment and ive been struggling with the transition back to a normal life ive been finding it physically difficult to even speak to people its not that i dont want to socialize i know what i want to say in my head but when i try to speak i cant produce a word i had to eventually explain through text to my closest friends whyi am so distant and quiet hoping theyd still stay in my life cause i knowi ampushing them away they tell me i understand mani amhere if you need anything yet when i need then the most no response 12 hours 2 days 1 week obviously theyre only there when theyre free and feel like dealing with it when they eventually replied i cant even bother to respond i get it its a shitty spot to put people in when they dont go through it themselves everyday so black and white dull and uneventful i broke and ended up reaching out to a hotline the other day to talk to someone but it brought on more questions i never really had a plan before i talked to the hotline the person asked that question a lot i started to dwell on that question i now have a plan and a date in mind not in the immediate future but a date nonetheless i dont know what my problem is my life isnt even that difficult compared to other peoples stories ive lost any sort of motivation everything just pisses me off i cant even find pleasure in my hobbies anymore the person on the hotline said it sounds like i lost the will to live i cant even seek help from the va since ive never deployed they see noncombat veterans as low risk and should have no mental issues half of me knows something is wrong and is screaming for help the other half gave up and just wants to push that date up ,1
my mom wont let me i cant kill myself because of my mom i think she actually loves me i think the hormones messed with her head she has a birth attatchment to me and it would make her all crazy if i suicidei think about dying so often but i never thinki am going to do it anymore i did once and was in inpatient every day that happens i regret i regret every day that has happened i dont want tomorrow to happen i dont want the next 10 minutes to happen i cant choose things or think about things anymore my mind is degrading somone has to tell me what to do because all i choose is death,1
got slapped i sent a bad joke to my friend two hours ago he read it and didnt reply an hour later i woke up because theres a knock on my door and i got slapped he stared for awhile and leave without saying anything with a serious face i just woke up so the event sink in slowly when i realized what happened i ran as fast as i can when i saw him hes about to ride the bus i walk closer to him he gave me a questioning look and i kissed him on the cheek he got surprised then i told him you slap like a girl dude he pouts and chased me as i ran laughing we got tired and stopped running then he give me a hug we said goodbye to each other and he told me dont let this be the last goodbye idiotps its really funny cause hes a guy and he slapped me real hard my left cheek really hurts until now hahahahaha he didnt even say sorry that scumbag _ _ _ the chat i sent him was about me saying goodbye cause i cant take it anymore although i only said itfor now to see what would be his reaction if i do the deed i didnt expect him to come in my housejust to slap me lmao because hes staying in his aunts which is 45mins away without traffic weve never seen each other for a month too so it is a real surprise _ to my friend thank you one of the reason i got depressed was i lost contact to you and i cant tell anyone else of my problems but i guess you really just gave me a good awakening today i hate you for reaching me out with a slap _ i cant tell you now thati am really depressed because i knew youll be worried so i only send you a message saying i hate you lets meet again when youre free to ensure youi am still not goingwhen ive moved oni am going to let you see this idiot,1
my last week this is surreali am25 years old canadian malei amunemployed now ive relapsedi amthousands of dollars in debti amalmost totally alone and have been for what feels like years i wrote a post a few months ago when things were just dark but i got over it this is different this isnt just me feeling sad this is me totally out of options i dont want to die and knowing i have to do this has made that even more obvious and i amscared but ive gone no where with life i have no direction for the future and wherei amat with things right now i have to do this because i dont want to live homeless i cant bare to tell my family whats going on and if i did they already told me they would cut me out of their lives and they are the only people that ever talk to me now and i cant lose that but i amscared and i am really really alone i wish i didnt have to do this but i amout of options and it just seems like life has worked out this way things never went the right way so many times when i tried the right thing it failed i was rejected and things never worked out and i am tired of that battle maybei amjust to weak idk i dont think i should have lived alone but my family wouldnt let me stay at home cause i was to old they wanted me out i wrote this once already but accidentally deleted iti amjust trying to remember everything i said its sad that i have roughly 3 days left and i amspending them the exact same way mostly causei am so poor i cant go anywhere and i amto sick to want to be outside i wish things had worked out differently but i just want to spend these last days talking to some people and i know some will try and talk me out of this but its almost not even my choice now its either die or be homeless and even more alone it helps tie up some lose ends and it stops me from ever being a financial burden on anyone to anyone else contemplating suicide please really consider all your options and think about the situation if you can survive do it wherei amat i cant survive my roommate is using our friendship against me and not paying rent putting more financial stress on me cause he knows i dont want to kick him out my family wont help me anymore not after my early twenties and the shit i did anyways i could ramble for hours but someone say hi and lets just swap stories and talk i have 3 days left and i will be on here most the time because here is the only place i can be honest about whats going on i look forward to hearing from you,1
i just dont so tired so tired so tiredi dont want to go on anymore,1
tips on improving on self esteem my reasons to live are pathetic i went through severe depression last year and chopped off all my hair during this time i found a podcast cloverfeels and at that time that was the only reason why i kept moving forwardtheres few things that motivate me to wake up including baking edm food podcasts running watching sports and youtube i like my boss job and teami amgetting tired of being underemployed and not having a best friend or boyfriend anymore i get job interviews but my mental i willness probably comes through during the interview with my resting bitch face does anyone have tips on improving self esteem i tried therapy and medication both didnt help does anyone have pathetic reasons to live,1
genetically fucked and i dont know what to do with my life when i think about life i just think about how fucked i was genetic wise i could have been balding with a slightly above average dick and i would have been happy but no i somehow managed to be balding with a skinny ass dick at the age of 18on top of thati ama virgin i could have had oppurtunities to lose my virginity in high school but i was too much of a beta and i was scared that the girl would laugh at my dick 55 length and 42 girth i mainly hate how skinny it is tbhgirls used to call me cute when i was in high school but nowi amjust an antisocial unconfident fuck with a receding hairline who is barely passing his classeseven though i try to better myself went to the gym for like 6 months and did no fap nothing happens my 23 year old brother brags about his amazing dick and he is showing no signs of balding he has a great body gets great grades and is going to a great schooli try to study but i just get distracted and i just dont care anymore wish i can get in a car crash so i can stop worrying about all this shiti just wanna cut everyone off and become successfuli feel like my youth is being wasted i honestly dont see myself living for another 5 years i suck at my own hobbies and i fucking hate school its not for me but people make it seem like its the only way to become successfuli am too scared to kill myself but i wish i had the balls to do it i spend so much time worrying about how i look i look at every mirror i pass by and i really want to stop thinking about how i look but i just cant stop thinking about it i dont thinki amthat ugly but i amjust wasted potential i will only look good with hair due to my weak jawline if i had nice hair i would be so good looking if i had a nice dick i would be so confident idk at this pointi amjust listing shit that annoys me ,1
inferior human being i am an inferior human being and i dont want to live anymore because i want to be one of the beautiful intelligent people,1
i would do it if not for this i have found myself on the edge a whole bunch of times this year i have felt beaten battered and bruised beyond repair countless evenings spent crying on the bathroom floor can attest to thative wanted to end it ive wanted to get out of feeling this way ive wanted to kill myself and i wouldve if not for this thoughti thought about suicide thought about how absolutely worthless i was feeling how useless to society i really am and how the world would be a better place if i just left but then i thought about all those people who werent useless people who were actually highly functioning individuals who couldve made a difference to society who probably didnt want to die but did people who couldve had long succesful lives but were denied that opportunity somehow i feel it is unfair that they died and i am still alive i wish i could die and by doing so i could bring one of those people back to life but i know i cant for some reason this has kept me from actually taking my own life dont know why,1
i dont have anything to live for anymore ive been suicidal for a good part of almost ten years now i always just try to push it out of my mind because i have a little sister who looks up to me and would be devastated and for my familys sake id like to share my story because time and time again ive been told everything is my fault and i know its not but it feels like it is my cousin raped me when i was 14i am23 now he stole my innocence from me he stole any goodness or warmth that was in my heart now its just a black hole that explodes every once in a while my family split into three sides the side that blamed me the side that was neutral and didnt care and the side that blamed him which was my parents alone this happened and i tried to kill myself regularly for months taking pills only to wake up in pools of vomit and feces after sleeping for days i spent quite a bit of time in psych wards as a minor and then i found drugs i stopped going to school never graduated dabbled in college a little nothing notable i did drugs instead i did every psychedelic i could find to try to alter my mind and not make me think about my death or taking my own life i also found sex and to this day i have a problem with sex drugs and constant suicidal ideation ive planned my suicide many ways many times i have a box full of suicide notes i fuck random people because it doesnt matter anymore i had a boyfriend for a while who was really good to me but i still have to fuck things up by having random one night hook ups what isnt something that people understand is that sex can be a coping mechanism much like drugs and alcohol i know its something that shouldnt be forgiven and i dont know why i keep doing it ive done it in literally every single relationship ive been in and i dont know how to stop but god i want to stop so badly words cant describe i thought i was with the man i wanted to marry but i cheated on him three times and i still expect him to take me back and love me which is delusional in itself not to mentioni amobviously ridiculously mentally unstable and i ama ticking time bomb constantly my life is a fucking mess and has been consistently a mess for the last 10 years and i dont know what to do anymore every spare moment is spent crying and thinking of the most painless way to commit suicide and which way would be least traumatic for the person who finds me what the fuck can i even do anymore ,1
just another suicidal person hello i dont know whyi ammaking thisi am not trying to be edgy or anything just wanting to explain how i feel maybe some of you might get iti amsuffering i dont remember the last time i was actually okay lately every thing feels like an effort for everyone but myself they say its good for me no its only good for them to see another person go into their agenda living a social life a lie its a lie to me fuck this bullshit everyday is misery and no one notices my pain they only notice what ive true doing to get out of this fucking life living i dont feel likei amliving the only reasoni am not dead already is because of this one girl 3 k miles awayim a piece of shit white privileged piece of shit at least i have a job and papers but god i feel so useless i dont want to get up everyday i dont want to breath sometimes i try seeing if i can just stop breathing or shut off a part of my brain that makes me remember to breath so i can just fall and die but if i did shed be in pain and god who knows if this pain will go away whilei amalivelast week i got diagnosed for severe depression anxiety and bipolar disorder fuck i dont want to be here i dont want to see people looking at me different if i just did go through with my death i hope people could move on just move on but no apparentlyi amjust seeking attention crying for help fuck them all i dont want helpi am not crying for attentioni amonly here because i dont want my fiance to die i only went to therapy last week and to get diagnosed because my girlfriend was worried about me because i laid on the train tracks i just want them all to leave me alone what is wrong with me i dont know literally every thing i dont have motivation anymore anything else i do is just to please everyone else to be a great happy citizen and a part of societyi amisolated even with therapy i keep getting worse angrier sadderi amjust trying to hold on to thisi amscared that all my problems are making my girls problems worse ,1
amkilling myself tomorrowi amsick of being stressed out all the timei amsick of being lonely and i amsick of heading nowhereim stuck in a literally useless degree creative writing because its the only thingi amgood at even though i hate everything about it ive lost almost all my friends and have no desire to make new ones i have zero desire to continue dealing with this bullshiti amsick of collegei amsick of lifei amsick of being meei amgonna sleep on it thanks for all the support and helpful comments also shoutout to the tryhard morons that were egging me on you made me laugh for the first time in a long time so thanks for thate2 i figured i should let everyone know thati amokay still feel like shit but still alive,1
people give me reasons to staybut dont be to stay i really wish from the bottom of my heart that i could give you some good reasons but i am not in a position where i can think of any for myself either i know its hard and painful but hopefully just knowing that there is someone out there who cares what happens to you that you choose to live even if just for one more day is a good enough reason ,1
am going to be homeless in 2 days and will lose my animalsi amdisabled with fibromyalgiai amleaving this world i have nothing left7 i have an evil landlady who is 75 she has fiance in a prison hes a felon serving 13 yrs hes 30 yrs younger than her shes rich she does whatever he says hes a moron who found out 7i was getting ready to go to law schooli am not enrolled the law school cant help me please dont go there he was coming up for a possible judicial release and wanted to make sure he got out this nutty landlady who lives next door to me approached me 0saying he wanted my phone number in case she had a health emergency read money emergency i knew this was nonsense but she pressured me big time insinuating i needed to do this because she let me have my 2 dogs and cats here i very reluctantly agreed he wanted me to do legal research for him and write a letter to the judge on hid behelf and he wasnt nice about it it he called me all day every day he began threatening me subtley but clearly he also said i would lose my apt and my animals this woman told him every personal thing she knew about me i started losing weight i began seeing a therapist for the first time in my life i knew if i refused his calls or wouldnt help him she would evict me i cant afford another apt where i could have my animals i have no family no friends i dont know anyone herei am in a suburb of cleveland called lakewood please dont argue with me that she cant legally evict me she can an last thurs she did in oh you need no reason it was a verbal lease the hearing was a joke i didnt get to present any evidence or literally say one single word landlady knew the magistrate like they were best friends she sais i want her out the felon didnt get his judicial release shes mad at me that she wont get to marry him right i am very i will with fibromyalgia my life is nothing but pain and fatigue but i work as much as i can i have a pending ssi application but it can take 2 yrs i have 2 days i could find another place to live but i had 16 days with the animals and my i willness 16 days isnt enough time theres an agency that claims they will so help you lakewood service center theyve done virtually nothing theyve taken their sweet time and wasted what little time i had its a cruel joke i contacted one of the tv stations via their contact form but never heard back from them thise lsc is telling me i have to give up my animals not doing that i actually found a place with a family that will take me and the pets but lsc have to inspect the home they will give you 1000 for 1st mo rent and deposit if it passes muster it will but it cant be done in 2 days this really enthusiastic social worker who is supposed to do the inspecting during the day mf these people work they cant do that the public kennels here are hell holes that make you wish you were dead just going inside thats why i want to go to law school to get animals civil rights my 2 dogs and my cats are all geriatric 2 are sick they need me i cant take it i love them theyre all all i have in the worldi am59 yrs old not 23 i cant take abandoning them they will think in this hell hole itll probably kill 2 of them no they dont provide them medical care the workers hate them ive done nothing wrong nothing i have lost 50 lbs in 4 months from anxiety and seeing this coming the hardest part of all is not taking myself out its abandoning my animals they will suffer in hellish misery for 10 days to 2 wks before they put them dowm kill them gas them to death this has been my lifes work i know what they do i wish somebody could help me but i am so tired i have nothing left 2 days i would give so much for 1 real friend i could stay in someones garage but no one will help or care afteri amgone there may likely be some public discussion about how unstable i wasi am not unstable there is nothing wrong with mep but ive had enough ive been fighting this for months i have nothing lefti amleaving in a few days my dogs and cats i love with be with me,1
whats your opinion on this for religious beliefs i am scared to commit suicidei amthinking that i can try to get cancer through using things which are known to cause canceri amjust scared that i might cause cancer and have cancer in the future and may not want to die anymore also it means i cant get married or have kids because i knowi amdying early idk whats your opinion on this ,1
i am an alien in my own life i cry more often than not my husband died almost three years ago my dog of 18 years shortly after himi am in a relationship now with a man i love so much i cant stop telling myself how much better hed be without mei am on about 8 medications i will bring up to my psych about howi amthinking about suicide more and more i am struggling with fertility for no known reason my dogs are assholes even though i love them my family doesnt care about me i usually just waste the day away until i can go to sleep againi have no friends the only ones i do have live far away i cant lose weight i think of all the ways i could kill myself and how many people would even fucking carei want to even check myself into a hospital but i dont want it to ever effect my future like jobs or adoptioni feel like i cant relate to anyonei ama young widow diagnosed with multiple disorders too old to be with the young crowd and childless to fit in with the moms even my reddit posts on my other account venting about my infertility got judgedplease tell me why i shouldnt end it all now,1
what are the steps to get help i have called my national suicide hotline twice now the people on the other side were nice and wanted to be helpful but none of them gave me a clear specific answer on the steps to seek professional help well maybe they did maybei amjust dumb as shit and didnt understand them the problem is i currently dont have a personal doctor to go to with this so i dont know what the alternatives are so i guess this is me asking what are the steps to getting help also please dont tell me to open up to a friend or family member because on top of everything i do not want to also babysit them nowi am not fromin the us so the steps are going to be a bit different but at this point any advice would be greatly appreciated,1
i ve come to a point in my life where ive realized i have some deep mental issues and i dont know if i should live anymore ,1
why do i feel this way i have a big meme account on instagram i am miserable now i am thinking about getting really drunk going to her house and telling her this and depending on what happens killing myself after i guess we shall see how this goes,1
my friend told me he has been having suicidal thoughts and i dont know what i can do to help him i just need any advice on what i can do to help him,1
this is my last week helloi amthinking to do it from a long time and after trying and trying to make my life better i decided that its enough i struggled with depression for about 56 yearsi am24 i had to quit university because ibs made me force to quit exams i cant find a job my gf left me after 6 years togheter i dont have friends i tried theraphy and i feel only stuck i tried to force my self to go to gym i am going since 6 months but its mostly a pain for my ibs i tried to go out in louds club where people of my age gather but i cant manage to make friends in that kind of events too loud and too much drunk peoples online datingmeetupcom are waste land here i sent 50 curriculum and got only 2 replies for interviews where i didnt get the job i cry myself to sleep everynight and i cant do it anymore i almost done it at my birthday few months ago but i got too much scared i feel out of the world but i am not scared to die anymore maybe its not the right thing to do but i feel that its the only thing i can do to go away from here,1
i sincerely feel i successfully committed suicide in 2001 seriously one night i decided it was time to die ive never fit in anywhere and ive always been a ghost i never had a friend and i am not exaggerating throughout middle school and high school i kept to myself and i always was an outcast for reasons unbeknownst to me one night i grew tired of it all and i decided to end my life,1
my wife and i separated a while ago and she attempted suicide tonight should i tell her parents posting from mobile at the hospitalwife tried to kill herself tonight texted me during the act weve been separated for 6 months she has a history of mental i willness her parents are loving and supportive should i tell themi amworried that if i do tell them shell get upset and wont tell me if she attempts suicide again i dont want to be her only lifeline though,1
amkilling myself when i get back to town ive been thinking about it for a while i traveled from florida to utah cause i wanted to see my family one last timei am going to steal my sisters ativan or score some pain killers and down it with alcohol i have to do iti am nothingi ama ghost and a former shell of myself i used to be an actress but i am too fat and ugly for parts now all i do is cause my family inconveniences and pain i work for disney and am exhausted from having to turn on my fake smile everyday i have my note ready and everythingi amjust sad to say goodbye to my family especially my mom i used to make her so proudi am so scared about my suicide hurting but i hurt too much to keep goingi am22 and i feel likei am40 i cant stop drinking and eat like shit i cant stop smoking pot my meds dont do shit nobody wants me around i just needed some more people to say goodbye to,1
i ruined everything i got really depressed again fell pregnant actually felt some real hope and motivation for the future had to have an abortion becausei am too depressed to be a good mum got even more depressed tried to have my shifts changed for a short while so i dont have to see so many pregnant women and was told by the head manager that my excuse wasnt good enough fired from my job my partner cant afford to pay fines and debts so his phone bank accounts and license have been suspended our credit cards we took out when we were doing well are now overdrawn and the bank is harassing us and its all my fault all we needed to do was save a few thousand dollars for our own little starter home that was our goal i was working fulltime he was studying law he had to stop due to the stress i was causing my hours were cut in half and then ultimately i was taken off the roster altogetheri am still an employee but i havent been given hours in over a month ive begged to be told whats happening and have been ignoredhung up on my union told me to grow up and solve my own problems i havent even had an interview in this whole time that ive been applying for jobs i dont qualify for disability payments becausei am too young our parents cant help us theyre all struggling themselves we wanted a family to go on holidays to grow old together to wear matching hawaiian shirtdresses when we retired i ruined everything becausei ama depressed lump of shit who cant function anymorethe only money i have is 7000 in superannuation which i cant access becausei am too young despite my financial situation i have my partner and mum as beneficiaries i just need to be brave enough to get through those few long minutes of pain and discomfort its the only way at least one of us can get back on their feet again,1
give me some reasons not to things have been weird for the past year while i hesitate to say i want to die i dont thinki amstrong enough to keep fighting i cant find my inner worth anymore it feels like the world would be better without me what are some honest reasons not to commit suicide,1
what to doi amusually here helping other people but today i need help been struggling with depression for two years and my antidepressants have stopped working now i hit a new low today and all i wanted was to jump off a building i hate myself for having these thoughts because i dont wanna hurt the people i love what to do now i dont want counselling because i have tried it before and it made me worse i dont want to go off my meds becausei amscared of what i might feel and do,1
i feel like a dying old man in a young mans body i am a 21yearold student i study parttime work parttime have a best friend and several other friends and a lovely family i should be happy rightthat being said i am happy with all those wonderful things so lucky to have them in my life but with myself not at allsome days i feel sad because i am worried that i am going to screw up and ruin everything and everyone i care about because of what i think say and doother days i feel at peace i feel as if i have in fact died and i am just thinking about what is ahead for everyone else if i were no longer around or just a ghost walking around town aimlessly and thinking how much easier it would be if i did not existpeople say you live for those you love and care about and follow your passionwhat can you do if you are gradually losing interest in everything you like living for the ones you have love but you cannot think of a reason to live for yourselfi am so lostnote i am not suicidal but definitely indifferent to the idea of my own death and have suicidal thoughts daily if that makes sense,1
suicidal obsession idk what to do anymore i feel like 10 years is more than enough to get better after all the medication combinations anti depressants anxiolytics for my anxiety and paranoia antipsychotics becausei ambipolar i always said i rather have a pill bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy but i thinki amwrong just a little holemaybe 9mm wide i thought about posting but it doesnt seem worth it ive pushed my friends and family away by increasingly stupid and impulsive decision making it really is all my fault the way i feeli amhonestly in way too fucking deep so this is it my family just sees me as a shell which is all i really am right the depression just gets so bad i dont know how to talk to people or participate in active society anymore i havent pursued a job for the past two years because ive been so mentally unstable and progressively getting worse i just want to sleep and not wake up ive been planning to kill myself everyday for the past 6 months fuck nothing ever makes it better does it hopefully that will,1
suicidal obsessions does anyone else have obsessive suicidal thoughts even when they arent depressed oh ive had plenty of suicidal ideation while depressed and i know that lovely fantasy of the escape of death very very well but this is differentmy obsessive suicidal thoughts are part of my pureo ocd sometimesi am not even depressed its like another person is living in my head screaming at me to kill myself and i cant stick up for myself and tell them i dont want toi am not hearing a voice its my own internal dialogue its overwhelming continuous and extremely distressing i get graphic visuals of me killing myself and to clarify this happens wheni am not depressed and is not ideation its impossible to live with its at times where i dont even hate myself like i have wheni amdepressed likei am trying to go about my life but the girl inside my head screaming at me to kill myself cannot be quieted thats when i start thinking of needing to do something like drugs or suicide just to get away from my obsessive thoughts i dont really have a question just putting myself out there i guess on a sleepless obsessive night tldr i have suicidal obsessive thoughts that arent ideation that haunt me,1
please participate in research study geared toward understanding suicidal thoughtsbehaviors 18 us only this posting has been approved by the moderators of hi my name is megan rogers and i am a graduate student in the department of psychology at florida state university working with dr thomas joiner dr joiner and i are conducting a research study that examines risk factors for suicidal thoughts and behaviors we hope that by understanding shortterm suicide risk we can work toward developing effective treatments and ultimately lower the prevalence of suicidal thoughts and behaviorsif you are over the age of 18 fluent in english live in the united states and are currently experiencing thoughts of suicide you may be eligible to participate in this studyif you decide to participate you will fill out a series of questionnaires online several times over the next 23 weeks the first set of questionnaires will take approximately 30 minutes to complete and you will be compensated with a 500 amazon gift card note that you will also need to complete a brief 5 minute phone interview at this time this portion is mandated by our institutional review board we will not store your phone number after this call and will take every step possible to ensure confidentiality each followup set of questionnaires will take no more than 10 minutes to complete you will be compensated with a 200 gift card for each followup survey 5 in total for a total of 1000 if you complete all five followup surveys within 48 hours of receiving them you will receive a bonus 500 gift card overall you may earn up to 2000 for participating in this studyremember this is completely voluntary you can choose to be in the study or not you can email us message us or post below if you have any questions or concerns about the studyi amhappy to discuss anything that comes up if you would like to participate please click the link below to see if you are eligiblethank you so much for your consideration we hope to hear from you soonbest regardsmegan rogers msflorida state university,1
how can you just forget about me i dont know if i will ever forget the fact that he left me i dont know if i will ever forget the fact that i told him if you dont want me there then dont invite me and that was the last set of words that he heard me speak and he did invite me to something about two years ago much later but i didnt go i couldnt if i did would i still be the same fool would anything be different because i always think its going to be different and it isnt it never is he told me once we will be together in the future but not right now this was said about 65 years ago after many nights of ruthless sex and agony that lasted longer than it should have and the whole time he said he didnt want to be with me and here i am what less than 10 years later and still a fucking fool dreaming about him and being prescribed medication for it still dreaming about him so am i supposed to change my mind its been too fucking long what is he waiting for is he ever going to try to talk to me again just plain conversation tell me he is in as much pain as me tell me he feels the way i feel years after being tossed aside like a sack of old clothes,1
i was going to kill myself on june 24thi am sorry if this is too long but if it is then dont read iti chose that date because it was 3 weeks and one day after i graduated high school and clearly anyone who would have missed me after i died would have contacted at some point in that 3 weeks when that day rolled around i told myself that if anyone besides my family who i live with tries to communicate with me personally ie no group chats i would call it off my friend texted me at some point in the afternoon just asking about if a color dye would show up in her hair dont know why she asked me i have never dyed my or anyone elses hair and while it was just a quick interaction it made me realize that i must be important enough to herbut ever since then ive felt likei am in limbo with no real goal that date was in my head for 10 or so months beforehand and now i dont have any real end goal in my life there is a masters program i would like to get into but thats more than 4 years in the future and i doubt that i will get into it they only accept 20 or so students per year since that day i started going to college i have yet to make any real friends i feel like everyone who has been nice to me there so far just feels sorry for me i honestly feel like i will try again soon and because of this it makes me try less in school because i know in the back of my head it wont matter wheni amgonei dont know what any of you will do with this information i feel though that posting this might help me in some way relieve some of my inner stresstldr i was going to kill myself this past june and didnt and now i feel likei am in some sort of limbo,1
it is an odd feeling it doesnt feel activemore like i want to just cut out a hole in my chest more so have a giant apple core remover and push it into my chest take out all the pieces inside id bleed but id enjoy itits one of those passive suicidal thoughts i want to go but i know that thats not whati ammeant to die fromi ammore likely to die from falling down the stairs than my own suicide attempt because i have failed too many times only thing i have managed to do is mess up my breathing i always want to die i dont know how i would do it though ive tried too many different things i have no gun accessive thought about stealing my housemates blade or hanging from a ceiling fan which would still affect him that reminds me that its a mental thing for me somehow a males reaction gets to me it fuels my emotional mental souland that reminds me how i hate breathing maybe it actually is active i feel like if i had the strength id break my own neck if i had the location and ability id harm myself i feel like itd be one of those moments where id enjoy feeling my neck break no matter how painful sometimes i get like that someday that part of me might come out more its what made me cut my hand open its what bothers me frequently about slicing my neck its like worse monster than just my normal suicidal thoughts it sucks that its been so long since ive experienced a day where i dont think about suicide no wonder ive attempted so much ,1
its all about faking everything fake smiling fake enjoying your work fake that you love to study all the shit fake fake fake fake fake fake fake effort effort effort work work work work work workhahhahai wish i coukd be fucking carefree as all of you you lucky bastardsi feel like smashing my fucking laptop on the wall and screaming why does eveyrything need to tkae effortwhy are you all agreeing to thiswhy cant we just die easily and be done with all that jazz,1
its not worth trying to save my life its really notall these people that tell me that it can be better and you deserve more obviously dont know shit bout my life or the crap ive decided not to deal with,1
nobody online or irl fucking listens to what youre saying they think theyve fucking listened but they havent theyve read a couple words and then twisted it to suit themselves so they can call you a fucking idiot and stroke their own egosim done with reddit i am done with the people i know and i am fucking done with life i hate everyone and everything people just dont fucking read properly or listen they only take in what they want to fucling hear ,1
amthinking about killing myself tonight it would be so easy but ir feels so selfish will anyone just talk to me eh,1
am too tiredi am19 and i amjaded i feel likei am too tired to live the rest of my life so much i will have to do and so little energy and i dont feel too excited towards it i dont think id be missing out on much,1
trying to find light at the end of the tunnel 21 year old male diagnosed with bpd borderline personality disorderive been unemployed for weeks now because my parents took the car and phone so i couldnt even call in sick to work when i was working just fine at a local car wash and making enough money to pay bills and save for the future i am constantly getting kicked out at least once every 23 weeks usually spanning 34 sometimes 5 days where i am either sleeping in my car now titled in my name thank god it wasnt when the took the keys or luckily finding a place to sleep at a friends housei have my issues i admit it to anyone that knows me and i always try to make amends when i wrong someone including family members but anytime i do something wrong my parents jump the gun and go to kicking me out i know the answer is get a job save up get your own place etcand not to sound like someone trying to just complain with no solutions because i am actively working towards that but what many people dont understand with a disorder like mine bpd is the inconsistency of your mental state and mind can cause impulsivity and self destruction almost constantlywhati am trying to say is it seems like people like myself can work towards a better life for a while and seem to make progress i had my own apartment and was paying rent at 20 only to self sabotage everything youve worked so hard for in a fit or stress or rage example i lost my job of seven months and got evicted from said apartment because i was so impulsive i decided it was a better idea to get drunk and do drugs with a girl i liked and call in sick to work the next day i know damn well i shouldnt do shit like this but i feel like i have the impulse control of a toddler but with the intelligence and awareness of exactly what i am doing to destroy my life like a grown adulti dont know how to fix myself anymore besides ending my life i dont know what hope there is for people like me and its sad because most everyone who knows me loves me because they dont see my borderline personality up close and in action they just see me as the intense overly friendly type person they know and love so there is little understanding and i get talked down to by most people i go to looking for advice forums reddit counseling family because well the solution is easy quit doing stupid shit to fuck up your lifeive been to jail for battery ive overdosed on stimulant drugs on two occasions ive been hooked on painkillers been hooked on alcohol yet people tell mei amone of the kindest most sincere people they know and that ive made a huge impact on their life i dont understand how because i dont see how they see any value in mei ama total fuck upyes a lot of this is rambling but i am genuinely at a crossroads now where i feel like i am worn out with the rollercoaster ive been living on i feel like death is an easy solution because i wont have to deal with the pain and the lows associated with my chronic fuck ups anymore its not fun being a completely capable and intelligent human being in most respects and just having one part of your personality which you are all to aware of come unhooked at the worst times in life i mean shit i went to jail the day before a good job interview which couldve drastically improved my quality of life i told myself dont do anything stupid if you fuck this opportunity at this job up youre going to be sol for another few weeks months and just repeat the cycleback to the point of all thisi amunemployed and have been for weeks living with my parents but typing this on my phone in my car in a walmart parking lot because i got kicked out for the 4th time in 3 months for my own negative actions i am hooked on steroids and need them to function hooked on cigarettes and if i quit i get withdrawals which isnt fun but i guess isnt the end of the world dont have my adderall so idk if i will be able to function at all at a job yes these things do improve my daily functioning majorly which is a big deal if youre someone like me who just struggles to function in general i just dont even know fuck the rollercoaster i know a lot of this may sound trivial to many but thats another thing with bpd everything is the end of the world and you cant stop that dramatic life or death feeling losing love with someone feels like you lost your spouse of decades hearing petty remarks from strangers that are taken the wrong way can spark intense internal rage which can be hard to control etc etc etc fuck borderline personality disorder its hell and i commend anyone living with this disorder and encourage you to keep going strong for me its just hard we have a 10 suicide rate thats right one out of 10 bpds just kill themselves because they cant take it fuck it maybe i will joinemmmmm,1
amkilling myself on my birthday january 4th 2018im just so out of breath ,1
completely fucked up dont give a flying fuck anymorei amcrazy i think i went to the psych ward last night after a breakdown at a garden party my friends were all with me and made sure i got there safe once i was there i waited for hours i told them i wanted to kill myself and they told me that a suicide center would contact me in about two weeks latest i dont know what to do i wont kill myself now but thats only cause i feel like i am too weak i tried once before and didnt succeed i have much to live for but i dont have the will these thoughts are all scrambled because i am drunk and high right now i dont like this world its not for me society is fucked up in general the world is cruel and so am i i dont want to hurt people around me but i do i hate myself i am weaki am still alive because nothing matters in the end which means that it makes no difference long term if i live or not i am here becausei amscared i hate myselfi am really desperate and i amsick of hurting everyone around me my suicidal thoughts are always present but i usually would not act on it because nothing matters in the end but when i feel worse than already emotionally suicide comes that much closer i dont know what to do anymore because ive been through the system so many times and nothing had helped and this time they just want me to wait until suicide prevention helps me i want to fix the reason whyi amsuicidal because thats what fucks me up but i dont know the reason doctors are filled with conformation bias and seem to always look for what they think is most interesting i would know because my parents are both doctors and therefore i have never gotten a neutral treatment i dont even know if i truely thinki amthe fucked up one i think its the world the world we live in is sick its sickening none of it really matters but everyone accepts it the world is cruel fucked up and inhumane maybei amsick maybe its the world but i just dont know what to do i dont wish to be here anymore and i just dont want to be alone i hate this place and i dont know what to do anymore i dont even know if i care about anything on this fucked up planet in this fucked up society where everyone is just constantly fucking judged for attempting to stay true to themselves i fucking hate the fucking media for fucking over everyone and manipulating everyone and just people in general being fucked up and so fucking egocentric selfcentered and selfabsorbant nothing triggered this i just fucking cant handle this shit anymore ,1
i will kill myself tomorrow morning tomorrow morningi am going to kill myself and end everything i have nothing to live for anymoreeverydayi amsuffering from living my live i dont have anyone who cares about me nor have any support from anyone my family hates me and my coworkers dont seem to like me it seems like everyone is just getting further from me everyone yells at me and treats me like garbage it would be best i left them all my dreams and goals to no one would carei am not very smart and never had good grades so i couldnt really advance in school and failed some of my classes in college tooi tried getting help with depression but it didnt seem to work and now i feel like nothing will work for me my life will never get better and things are getting worse i just cant take it anymore and i wont to die i tried many times beforei amjust too scared to do it but i dont want to live my life anymore i know people will cry but i amsure it will be tears of happiness thati amgone forever at least i wont be shedding tears anymore,1
why shouldnt i kill myself major depressionsuicidal ideation and anxiety since i was 11 or 12 i have waited for things to get better for years they have not they continue to worsen as does my mental health i want a reason to continue to live when i feel likei amguaranteed to suffer,1
poems can i pm someone two poems ive started writing and give me your feedback poetry is helping me cope with my mental i willness and suicidal thoughts,1
why does no one understand that my life is just suffering and suicides the right thing to doi amjust saying that its right for me to die i need it its on my mind all the time,1
am so scared noone listens i opened up and noone gives a damn ive tried and ive tried i cant do this anymorei am so scared but i am so tired of everything my nurse promised to call and she never did i do the same thing over and over again i cant escape from it i dont care what happens in my life anymore i dont care about progressing ive cared too much about what others think ive lied and ive fooled people noone gave a fuck people say they care but when shit gets real they leave thats how it always isi ama joke and my fucking life is tooi amlosti amdonei am tired ,1
i picked a date i just needed somewhere to talk about thisi amwasting my life on worrying about consequences and responsibilities and i dont feel like its in my person to ever change its way too deep in my dna to always make the wrong choice and always give up soi amjust getting everything over with quickly up until then i want to stop caring so much and make it counti am going to cut out the people ive been talking to even though i dont like them let myself be impulsive only do things that make me happy and stop wasting my time on things that make me feel like shit long term consequences dont matter because i will only be around for a little longer i just want to live recklessly for a bit first i think the things i havent gotten to experience yet are all thats keeping me around anymorei am tired of always feeling likei amwaiting for something soi am going to stop caring and do everything i want to get done whilei am still here and then i can just get it all over with,1
my last 20mins 20mins till train arrives ama,1
are these suicidal thoughts so i gave birth just over a year ago and started showing signs on depression during my pregnancy was under a lot of stress in my personal life and had a traumatic birth experience i developed postpartum anxiety and ptsd and depression but have always been more anxious then depressed but the last few weeks ive felt more depressed just feeling really stuck in my job and exhausted and hopeless and overwhelmed i would never actually do it honestly i dont thinki ambrave enough too and also i love my family and usually my life and lately wheni amfeeling really exhausted and anxious about howi am going to get my shit together all of a sudden i will imagine myself drinking a bottle of bleach or swallowing a bottle of pills or getting hit by a car like id never kill muself but i wish i could escape my life sometimes almost like have something happen to me so i can escape my life and not worry about anything for awhile i work in healthcarei amjust so tired of being haunted by my birth still and always being so tired from working overnights and having a baby and a husband whos also depressed so i feel guilty ever asking him for more help or too afraid to tell him my darkest thoughts i go to therapy but ive been afraid to bring it up or not sure if i should or to my doctor i dont know ,1
suicidal after fianc left me and my fianc were together for over a year he was my best friend in the whole world everything about him was so beautiful his eyes the way he laughed his humor even the way he danced silly at clubs he treated me like a queen at the beginning of our relationship and praised the ground i walked on our sex was amazing and to this day i have never found someone that knew my body as well as he did we had the perfect relationship and our friends envied us because we were so god damn happy but overtime we started to grow apart we argued like cats and dogs and he often ignored me toward the end of our relationship we split about two months ago and i have been feeling suicidal ever since i am 25 years old my entire life i have never met anyone so perfectly compatible for me and i dont think i ever will my heart feels like it went through a meat grinder and its hard to get up in the morning go to work get dressed or even breathe whats worse is that he is happily living his life not giving two shis about me so whats the point of living life if you have to live it alone i just want this pain to end people say i will get through it but i really just cannot bare this paini amfeeling death would be so great right about now ,1
considering killing myself the depression just keeps strangling me i have always struggled with anxiety and depression since i was a little kid ive been this way this winter my abusive girlfriend left me and i still cant get over her completely the weekenid i had now was the best in such a long time the issue is that i met a girl and i felt attracted to her shes too young tho only 18 and i am in my late 20s and i feel shame for that nothing happened between us we barely spoke but we were in the same company over the weekend and i had a great time but now the weekend is over and same old shit week after week continues its like a postgreatweekenddepression on top of my regular depression that i somewhat can hande most days i hate that i cant have fun without going into deeper depressions afterwards i dont know why that happens and yeah feeling this attraction to a 18 year old girl is shit aswell,1
is it weird that helping other people helps me i get a sort of high or rush from helping other people i know it sounds really corny but at the same time it makes you feel better about yourself i just want to help everybody but you cant save everyone ,1
my life is more than a mess and at this point i see no other way out than suicide so basically my life is in shit and ive been in so much pain for a while for the last 4 years ive been in a massive depression and it was all leading up with my bad childhood where my mother died when i was 8 and i had to live with my non loving dad for 10 years until i was 18 when i was 18 i moved out to live by myself and honestly it has been so tough i have lived by myself for 4 years now but as i moved out i also found the love of my life but she didnt find me so ive been struggling with a hard depression for all that time which has led me to end my studies several times and do nothing this made me not get any income and made me end up getting some stupid loans i cant pay back as well as being kicked out of my apartment soon because i cant pay the rent ive just totally lost the will to live and i cant see a way to turn my life around or fix it at this point and i just feel like some things just cant be fixed and arent meant to be where i am one of those things i could go into a lot more detail but this is just a short version of it by continuing to live i will just end up with more pain more debt and no place to live feel free to leave your thoughts thats whyi amwriting here after all,1
recurring nightmare i cant remember when i lost whatever i had left but it wont matter tomorrow they say everything happens for a reason right butg i cant get this fucking itchy static scratchy feeling out of my skull and when i close my eyes i see the exact same face imprinted on the back of my eyelids its garfield hes pulling the skin taut around hisi am not joking genital area and his whole body is shaking and his breath is hitching and i just dont know what its supposed to mean but i have 20 olanzapine and 4 bottles of calpol in the kitchen cupboard dont bother replying with bullshit excuses for why i should keep breathing because i died a long time ago already goodbye,1
i am happy but what difference does that make i cant make any sound i cant be seen i am disgusting and a disgrace death is the only thing for me i have to kill myself i have to i have to i can see it in everyones eyes that they want me gone i feel so sorry for ever taking up all this space and wasting all this time i feel so sorry and i feel so dirty and i feel so heavy please please please let me die this time,1
i dont think i can live in this world anymorei amsick of being alive in a world where nobody accepts me for who i am or understands mei amsick of being hated and being constantly told thati am worthless or that i deserve to die because i have a form of autismi amsick of trying to open up about my struggles and not being listened to rather just blindly hated on and again told thati am worthless and should diei amsick of being bullied and physically and verbally attacked constantly for being different most of alli amsick of my parents not giving a shit about any of this they thinki ama terrible person as well i just want to fucking die i cant stand living in this world where everybody hates me or would hate me if they met me tonighti am going to go to bed and suffocate myself to death with my pillow my parents will spend the whole night thinkingi amactually sleeping for once,1
its getting harder and harder for me to justify living i am not normal i m selfconscious i have low self esteem i cant make friends i have no friends and the only contacts in my phone book are my mom grandmother brother and stepdad but the only one i talk to regularly is my mom i cant help myself anymore and i really am reaching the final straw at this point its getting hard for me to continue justifying this existence where all i do is hide from people and live out my dreams in my head becausei am too scared to talk and do anything,1
i thinki am going to kill myself soon my whole life is shit and its all due to my pathetic nature ive got a chronic i willness that makes me miserable ive missed so much work due to it and depressioni amlikely to lose my job this week i have no friends and no one who cares about me people only get in contact with me when they need somethingi am in a large amount of debt have no college degree and no career prospects ive never had a romantic relationship or anything similar i look ugly and even when i was fit i was unable to attract anyone people tell mei amfunny and tell mei ama nice person but apparently that hasnt been enoughall alli amjust a waste of space on this earth and it would be better off without me at least then my insurance company wont have to pay an arm and a leg every month for my stupid medicines i wish i could fix my life but deep down i know things would turn out this way anyway becausei am too pathetic to amount to anything i wish i could apologize to the people who expected things from me when i was younger nowi amalmost 30 and a complete failureevery evening i fantasize about killing myself and every time i get closer to doing it finally i am at the point where ive started planning logistically hopefully i can donate most of my stuff before i bite the bullet,1
i hope i dont wake up tomorrow i mixed alcohol with pain killers after realizing what a pathetic person i am i feel so dizzy and numb right now i hope that to tomorrow i wake up in another world a world that leaves me alone i will never change and never be a good person no matter what happens i hope i die if anyone reads this i just wanted to say that i tried,1
end my life pls i hate living i just wanna be dead i dont wanna exist someone please just kill me run me over burn me shoot me drown me just whatever it takes for me to die please kill mei amdone living itll make me happy i cant wait any longer ima commit suicide next year on june or july i cant wait that long its too much time passes so slowly i hate it so much i hate living i wanna die so fucking badly,1
amlost in a sea of lamenti am tired of feeling like my life is a damn game i lost the girl who i loved most in the world we were doing so good and then all of a sudden we split my heart is shattered in a trillion pieces and i dont know what to do she motivated me so much and gave me happiness that i never had before she was the one i knew she was but now i wont ever get her back bc i fucked up so bad i started smoking and drinking and i know i shouldnt be doing that my dad is an alcoholic and a druggy so i dont wanna end up like him but ever since me and her split she hasnt been treating me well at all we didnt want to split originally her mom made her do it but shes already starting to get with another guy and its not even been a day i feel so betrayed and crushed she said what we had was real and she went and turned her back on me shes acting like its all my fault that well never get back together ive never been so low in my life ive lost all hope for love nobody treats me like a human anymorei amjust a fucking game to people like they can always fucking play me nobody respects me or let alone give a damn about my well being i fucking hate life and i just want to diei am so tired of suffering i feel like there isnt anything to look forward to ive been brought down to my knees and nothing can ever get me to stand up again i lost my friends my self esteem my motivation my love my everything i want to diei am tired of drowning in this ocean of suffering and sadness,1
i feel like rodney dangerfeild because i get no respect from anybody i cant tell if its because of my small stature social awkwardness ugly face or all of those things combined no matter what i do most people just dont seem toreally even like me i could try to connecthit it off with one person fail then watch them talk to someone else a second later and they get along swimmingly idk what it is its especially a problem with girlswomen young or old i seem to be femalerepellent despite the fact that i dont feel anxiety around themi amjust trying to be my normal self but apparently theres something wrong with that i kind of get along well with other dudes but i cant make true friends and i just never get any respect from them idk its like i dont know what the hell is wrong with me id like to think its nothing because i value myself but no one else really does they just call me buddy and dude condescendingly and generally fail at treating me like an adult idk it mostly sucks with women because it seems i cant attract any of them and i place a lot of value on being able to do that because i find at its heart the ability to attract women has a lot to do with your social ability and humanity and i just cant seem to pull it off its got me so down to be honest i will admit so down that i think id rather die than be this sociallyincapable ,1
i cant function in the real worldi amthinking about ending it i desperately need some advice or something to keep me goingi amat a very low point in my lifei am23 and going to a community college at the moment but i amstarting to lose my desire to continue with my life i screwed up when i was younger and now my gpa is low and non competitive this pretty much eliminates my prospects to get into a good undergraduate school or a grad school as i am competing with other students who dont have the mental and emotional problems that i have and who are passionate and excelling at what they are doing i have major social anxiety so i cant talk to anyone like a normal human being so i cant make any kind of connections or companions i have no idea about what to do with my life i dont contribute anything meaningful to my family my family loves me regardless but unfortunately thats not helping me in my prospectsi amlazy and scared all the time and have been fantasizing about my death for a while now ive been through therapy taken anti depressants nothing is workingi am still terrified of competition terrified of talking to people and i am not smart either all it takes is a bullet to be lodged in my head less than a second and it will all be over,1
in hospitali am in a foreign hospital getting treatment for my recent suicide attempti really hate myself for this i didnt go through with it because i upset my partner so much but all i feel i did was force her to stay when she didnt want to i was all intent on doing it on stopping bringing her down and then she begged me not to and i convinced myself she cared and checked in got stitched up and nowi amhere a few days later except i think she just felt guilty and didnt want it on her conscience i dont think she really wanted me alive i think she just didnt want the guilt and i feel terrible all i did was what i did as a teenager threaten suicide and told as many people as possible i was gonna do it so theyd all feel guilty i havent improved at alli ama fucking child a brat a horrible brat i wanted to end my life as an aggressive and hurtful thing not because i wanted to end my life although i did and still doi amall stitched up and heavily monitoredi am26 my hair is falling outi ama recovering addict ive just got nothing to show for my life and wheni amgiven the chance to do something i try and kill myself instead of doing it its pathetic i dont know whati amsayingi am an anorexic abused as a child broken wannabe junkie and i amscum i think i ruin so many lifves by existing my mom didnt want me ever and i dont think my partner does either she puts a brave face on but i can telli ama friend whos death she didnt want to haunt her ,1
suicide by cop fantasyi amdesperate i want to escape this shit existenceand when i get like this i like to fantasize my own demise i dont want to hurt anyone but myself are cops trained to shoot to kill i wouldnt want to mentally hurt a police officer or police officers if more then one is called to the scene but i feel its apart of their training to potentially take a life i fantasize about a group of them just shooting me to death i fantasize about aiming a black spray painted water pistol at them and them responding by spending their entire magazines on me i fantasize about having my suicide note zipped up in two ziplock bags so that its legible after the fountain of blood coming from me dousing itthe fantasy of this actually makes me feel a lot better,1
i have never felt lower i got dumped and i dont know why i want to die,1
what is so wrong about committing suicide i cant seem to see why suicide is inherently wrong in so many cultures if i no longer want to be in this world then why should i be pressured to stay i feel likei am not contributing much to society this way anyway,1
how do you know if youre suicidal ive thought about killing myself and id truly rather be dead than alivei amscared of doing it though but i feel like i have nothing to live for is this considered suicidal i dont know if i need help or not,1
i tried to help a friend in need and now it drained all the life out of me just a note i have a cup full of bourbon that i am sipping now i dont drink normallya friend i knew for at least 7 years i found out wasis in dire straights she has been in and out of in patient treatment out patient treatment therapy psychiatrist she contacted me about a month ago to visit her at her parents house i relented and went she wanted to move back to the major city she was she moved back to her parents when shit hit the fan she wanted to go back to life i tried to help her but i myself have been depressed for many years 15 but i never told her 4 years ago though my brother was murdered by a drunk driver somehow i survived that to be stronger but i lost my ability to feel and show emotion i tried to help her because she was in bad shape and felt that if i did not reach out she might actually kill herself so her mother and i worked out a plan and she moved back i guess this is important as well she was in a 3 year relationship with a guy as well but he left her because even he got sick of it but he still occasionally texts her i tried to help her as a friend i did not particularly want to be in a relationship with her but as i spent more and more time i started to feel again and it hit me like a ton of bricks waking up from the stupor that i have been in since my brother diedi stupidly suggested that she go to a indie movie at a film festival with me to try to get her out of the house when she moved into the large city she became a shut in since the place the movie was shown was a few hours away someone suggested that they stay over their place she started to warm up and started to be the person i remembered her to be she allowed me to feel happy and she was happy and somehow thats when i started to have feelings for hershe wanted to go visit her mother this labour day weekend and i off handedly said maybe i would go again she took that as a yes and told her mother before i could take it back i go up there she immediately turns sour she changed i am not sure weirdly i hung out with her mother more while she became reclusive in her bedroom her mother had these arts and crafts for her to do but she didnt want to but her mother and i did them while she sulked in her bedroom she got to a point where we were supposed to head back sunday but she said to me i think you should go back by yourself and i will stay with my mother her mother was telling me to bring her back she then professes her love for her ex boyfriend when she realizes i started to have feelings because i slipped and mentioned that i enjoyed spending time with her the day priori tried to keep my mouth shut about that and she kept pestering me to say what i was not saying i kept telling her i would tell her later hoping she would forget she would stand in front of her doorway not allowing me to leave i told her after she basically forced me to tell her that i started to have feelings for her i was going to try and suppress them and really try to get her back to her normal self this was a problem that i was going to sort out with myself and did not want to burden her from getting betteri just got home from the 4 hour drive from her parents house i texted her as she requested when i got home i said i cant do it anymore and asked her not to contact me again she tried to but doesnt realize that i already blocked her i knew i was playing a dangerous game and everyone got burned i was in an okay spot and she didnt realize she drained me everything its been at least 23 years since ive had these sw feelings i am not going to but damn if the ideology looks mighty tempting tonightsomeone please say anything i know i fucked up too someone say i fucked up,1
why dont you just kill yourself the title is something i think every day ive fantasied about dying every day since i was 16 so about 9 years now often involving a lot of blood and chaos like being shot in the head with a high powered sniper rifle in public thing is i dont think id ever do it simply because of the repercussions it would have to my friends and family but my god do i ever want toi ampretty good these days but its very easy to slip and have a bad day i dont even really know whyi amwriting this venting i suppose if youre ever thinking about killing yourself something weirdly comforting i think of is the choice is between living through some slightly shitty but a lot of good times or just nothingness youre going to get to the nothingness anyway so why not enjoy the living parts until you simply cant yeah ,1
my friend asked me a question the other day my friend asked me a question while i was driving us home from band practice he said what do you think well all be doing in 20 years do you think that well all still be friends or do you think well just be a bunch of strangers at a high school reunion the only answer i had for him was i think you know what i think,1
help please i just need someone to talk with where do i even begin welli am14 and ive been depressed for as long as i can remember and ive been self harming for a few years ive felt so empty lately i guess i should talk about the main reasons of my depression huh for one my brother is constantly telling me to kill yourself and i fucking hate you my sister also hates me and she cant even tell me she loves me i dont remember the last time either of them remotely showed affection for me then my mother she knows that i self harm and thati amseverely depressed but she really doesnt care wheneveri amfound self harming she says you need more god in your life or something like that me being agnostic that doesnt help at all recently shes been threatening me with you keep this up i will sent you to the mental ward she doesnt bother trying to help me or anything in fact shes said that i have nothing to be depressed aboutlets talk about me some okay recently ive been feeling really ugly i look at myself in the mirror and just gawk at how ugly i am i cant bring myself to stand up straight and i dont like eating a whole lot not helping this i dont get the best grades in school no matter how hard i try and also get bullied and bully myself both physically and mentallynow the only thing keeping me alive is my girlfriend who lives in texas i live in new york i only live so we can have a future shes been literally the best thing to ever happen to me and me and her have a ton in common weve never even seen each others faces but thats the problemi amafraid shell repulse when she sees me and thats whyi amscaredi am not even living for myself anymorei amliving for her i dont even know what to do anymore idk if its worth it trying to put up with the agony that i call life please just talk with me thats all i wantupdate ive been looking around this subreddit and i just feel worse about myself my mom is right i have nothing to be depressed over all of these people are going through so much more and my life isnt the best rn and i amwhining like a little bitch over iti amwasting space on this planet maybe somebody better will take my placeanother update i havent been as depressed as i was originally but i have been really lonely lately havent seen my girlfriend or my friends in about a weeki amjust sitting on my ass doing nothing all day until i go to sleep and repeat that update 25 soon after the last update my loneliness has turned into angeri amnow fucking pissed at myself because i want to do so much more with myself but i just cant,1
i hatemyself 28 i hate myself so much i amrunning out of ability to pretend i amstarting to plan i dont know what to do,1
amgonna do it ive had enough as soon as i get a chance to kill myself i will take it,1
i had an abortion and dont want to wake upi am not expecting to gain sympathy by posting this i dont have any sympathy for myself i just dont have anyone to talk to in my life out of fear of being judged i am older 38 this was my 1st time being pregnant i was 7 weeks and terminated my pregnancy 1 week ago w a medical abortion i was with my ex about a year we were having problems and had broken up a few weeks before i found out at 38 i thought i missed my chance at being a mom in a new relationship my bf at time stated he wanted to eventually try and have one child at the time i became pregnant i was not trying i realized we had sex in that fertile window even bought plan b for whatever reason i left it in my car n went away for a few days for work i didnt repurchase it it was not an intelligent move on my part i told my brothers and a 2 friends of my pregnancy not thinking abortion was even an option at the time my ex shocked me he was furious and stated i was ruining his life and having this baby would be a really bad choice i am an adult and have a decent job w security i couldve had support of my family and a few close friends i dont want to play a victim regardless of his reaction i am the one who chose to go through w this and what a mistake it has been i was scared and overwhelmed but now i feel hopeless guilt and just empty i have blocked my friends texts and calls because i cannot face telling them i have dreams that the abortion didnt work and that i could still have this baby i dont know how to keep living right now n i cant help but feeling like this was a gift to be a mom at my age i doubt i will have opportunity again n i just threw this gift away i wish i could go to sleep and not wake up thank you for reading this,1
when i feel alive its been a rough couple of monthsmy 19f dads income was cut by 30 my friend died after a surgery a couple weeks ago i got my heart broken by my best guy friendcrush my l5 disc is bulging and causing agonizing sciatica i started a new job and one of my coworkers makes a point to pick on me i havent slept more than four hours a night for the past month and a boy from my gym killed himselfive been suicidal for years and all this stress has made the urges worsehowever through all this there is a light i found something to crave and live foron my birthday i went skydiving and holy shit i have never felt so alivethe high lasted the whole day i was just beaming i havent felt so amazing in a long timefor all 60 seconds of free fall i couldnt think about anything it was so peaceful it was like a mental detoxim starting my aff to get my skydiving license this week and i am so excited i have dreams now i think about skydiving all day i think about how i will save up for my jumps and equipment i think about how i will make a career out of it or work a career around it ive finally found the thing that will keep me alivemore than alive ,1
need motivation to clean before the end i dont want to leave behind a bunch of crap wheni amgone my family had to spend three straight months selling my grandmothers stuffi am not putting my family through that againi bought some crap in what you could call a fit of shopping therapy back when i didnt realize i eventually become this suicidal unfortunately what i bought was obscure rare stuff i cant just dump in the goodwill i went to sell it and leave behind money people can actually usethe thought of putting the energy into ebay listings and wait extended periods of times to finalize the sales makes me i will and there are several items i just want this to be over with i barely have the energy to make this post,1
passively suicidal past failed attempts i guessi amjust searching for some support here i went through a period of active suicidal behaviour for 12 years which exhausted me to the point where i felt like i couldnt face attempting it again unfortunately the thoughts still havent left and i only feel regret that i wasnt successful i feel very detatched and numb all the time and unable to get the motivation to actually act on these feelings for now but i really wish i wasnt here my mental health team barely see me anymore becausei am not on medication it just made me worse and i guess they see me as less of a threat to myself the trouble is every day is a struggle and i just want it to end i dont know where to go for support because the hospital wont care unlessi ampsychotic or have overdosed and i am still resentful for them forcing treatment on me to reverse my last overdose i feel like i wasnt given a choice and then after a few days they sent me home and made me feel like everything was supposed to be ok now i feel like i might as well be dead,1
its not as simple as wanting iti amuselessi ama lazy motherfucker which means the myriad of other problems i have are unsolvable because i refuse to workbut theres nothing more frustrating than being told just do it oh boy thanks for totally fixing all my problems i cant believe that all this time it was just because i didnt want to worksjust have this attitude just stop hating yourself just love life ,1
its so fucked up while me and my bf were calling i was searching up ways to kill myselfi amall kinds of fucked up people cancel porn in their chronology but i cancel suicidal researchesall jokes aside i do all the time ,1
trying to feel but only feeling numb contexti am23 years old have a full time job as a registered nurse and broke my foot at work so nowi ambasically doing paperwork i am functional but have been super reckless emotionally and physically i think i have a sex addiction or just some kind of emotional addictioni am so drunk right now i apologize for the disjointed nature of this post every day i just want to end it all i had an attempt in 2011 but didnt like tell any professionals about it its scaring me how rational ive been thinking about it like its not some split decision i would make thats really terrifyign to me that i can think of a way to make it seem totally ok to end my life i have been so emotionlally fucked up lately and its super upsetting because i was in 2 multiyear relationships back to back and now that its been over a year since the last one ended ive been sleeping around excessvily and i know i need to stop but i keep doing it it only makes me feel bad and yet i continue to do it i dont know whats wrong with me i dont even know whati am trying to get from posting this i just dont know whyi am so cynical and worhtless and dont know why i even waste my time continuing on ,1
i need someone to talk toi amvery lost in life as the title saysim really at a loss and backed into a corner i made a throwaway account for obvious reasons if there are adults out there that know how life works i would love to talk thank you,1
its time well i have no friends no family apart from my brother and when he came over tonight well long story short now ive lost him he even told me to commit knowing full well i want to well bye ahadont even reply to this i wont see it ka tw wm ac i loved you guys ,1
i want to fucking die i hate living so much everything is awful i truly want to dienothing gives me happiness or joyi amjust constantly going through motions of life i just want eternal peace i dont have much to say but i know that i cant keep living i need to die,1
can some people just say hii amfeeling extremely upset and i want to talk about it,1
this life is a box this life is forceful in the sense of what it is i want off,1
amabout to jump off a bridge onto a motorway check the news around manchester the next few days they will probably report this if not it doesnt matter this is the last thing i will ever say so whoever reads this i want you to know that you should never trust anyone i was robbed multimillions dont know why i deserved this life grown up poor no friends at all shit grades ugly as fucki am24 and never had a friend or girlfriend all i was good at was making money i tried to make something of myself and i lost it all goodbye i will see you on the other side,1
my brain wont stop yelling at me everything hurts so much i just want it to stop fucj,1
i guess i just want to let the weight break me there is no point there is no true happiness anywhere its all only temporary at least for me everyone is differenti amsure i can be happy sometimes but eventually even if it lasts for a while i break down until i see the sadness again the sadness is always there waiting to show its head again the sadness makes me just want to finally give up its like a weight on my shoulders and all i want to do is let the weight break me so i can relax sometimes i feel like the weight isnt so bad but eventually i realize what it really is for a while i thought i had everything figured out now i know nothing about the world how can anyone what is the point of my life if all it is is me pretending to be happy for other people in realityi amsad and i want the sadness to take over because its so much easier than trying so hard to be happy the happiness is only temporary anyway everyone is only here for their own good it may not seem so but its always true does anyone really truly care about me do i really truly care about anyone probably not unless i want or get something in return its fucked up so no one cares about eachother yet for some reason i push through the weight on my shoulders why do i do that why cant i just let the weight break me so i can finally relaxi ammore curious to see what happens if i let it break me than i am about staying here sometimes sorry if anyone reads thisi amspreading sadness i need to know someone has read these feelings though i cant tell anyone i know id be labeled or looked at different id get fake attention maybe at least if anyone even cares about that i cant say anything to anyonei amforced to push through it silentlyi am not sure how much longer i can do that i just want to let go of that weight and relax and possibly finally have my true forever happiness,1
i just dont know anymore so i just turned 24 and its almost been a year since my 5 year relationship ended and i feel completely hopeless i feel like ive always given up my whole life on everything and the way others see me kills me inside i want to have love for myself but i feel like i shouldnt since my relationship fell apart and i hate myself for that sometimes ive heard quotes about getting so worried and having life pass you by thats wherei amat i literally feel like losing that relationship is the worst thing that could of ever happened and i dont want to go on i also just feel pathetic in general that this is where my life has ended up i always told myself i actually want to help people but i cant even help myself,1
having a painic attack gun in mouth ive wasted my goddamed life doing nothing ive got nothing to show for anything why have i neglected everything i couldve done i could start now but the world is too competetive so its far too late death is inevitable anyways no more alarms early mornings idiots or time to worry about wasting ,1
why do i always have breakdowns when no one is there to talk to i keep having breakdowns at inconvenient times like at work or in the car or late at night i keep going to my boyfriend for support but after a certain time he likes to play online with his friends some of the time hell turn the headset off some times hell just uncover an ear to hear me but i dont really get his undivided attention not saying hes a jerk cause hes not hes a great boyfriend and i am so needyi am so lonely i feel like i dont have a single friend i try and find someone to talk to but no one lives very close and they are always busy ori amworkingi amconstantly contacting people about having a chat but hardly anyone returns my messages let alone checks up on me ive been suicidal on and off since i was 11 i wasnt socialized till i was 11 and years before that i was sexually assaulted i apparently have severe depression but the doctor mind the mental health team etc have just passing me around from pillar to post not giving me any help whatsoever i was meant to get cognitive behavior therapy i was told i had been referred urgently but nothing has been done they want to dose me up with drugs but they never helpi amon natural antidepressants now but my hormones go haywire whenever its that time of the month i tried taking iron tablets when its that time and that has helped a bit however i recently started a new job in care work and its horrible i feel i need to stay a while cause it wont look good on my cv if i dont but theres so many people all telling me different things that i should be doing i feel so lost and stupid and they expect me to know everything and be super fast and do the job of two peoplei amexhausted i keep getting headaches from always being shouted at plus ive been hit kicked spat at swore at and shouted at one of the people literally tells me to f off and die i had planned to kill myself last month but i hung on but theres no point theres nothing here for me i dont know why i even try,1
layed on a road and got put in a mental ward in hospital it was ok at first but they really dont pay attention to you you have to scream 500 hours just so they listen to you and they dont let you outside or anything so on a 20 minute leave i ran off and i amprobably going to have to sleep on the street now and will probably jump off a building,1
amfailing my university degreei amafraid to leave the house and i just thinki ama fat ugly worthless failurei amstrugglingi amactually fucking struggling to keep myself afloat i never wish i went to universityi amfailing all of my classes and on top of that i have been mentally unstable for months i feel like a complete failure because i have only one more semester left then i can finally be free but its just so hard i havent taken a break or had time off to actually focus on myself for years and no matter how much i beg too my family and boyfriend just tell me to keep going i should have taken a break after i escaped my abuse ex who used to sexually emotionally and financially abuse me but no one let me take time off on top of that i want to study fashion design i dont enjoy learning about psychology anymore especially when my only psychological wellbeing is not even close to being healthy but i cannot leave now in fears of disappointing everyone why me why cant the pain just stop so i can finally feel likei ama human being i just want to die ,1
near the end i am a very messed up person i feel there is no hope for me most of my life ive only known pain and fear through my anxieties every year it gets more unbearable knowing that i am slowing wasting away and not living life because i am simply incapable of doing soeveryday it seems unreal that my life is where it is i cant believe what my life has become and who i have become its almost like a nightmare and i amwishing i would just wake up from it please take me back to when i was a kid before everything fell into destructionits so scary to think back over years of my life and to not know any joy to not know any friendships or any feelings of success or happiness its only ever been the same fear only bad memories of pure emptiness that i block out to not feel the paini honestly cant take this anymore i feel like i am losing my mind i need helpthere are no options for me i cannot be a normal functioning person in society i simply cannot do it days have turned into weeks weeks into months and months into years i cannot take this anymore it has to stopi need this consciousness to end or it will be the same over and over again nothing but more suffering year after year of being lost into the same darkness i cant take itthings are so messed upi am so messed up please help me,1
ammaking my plan hello i dont really post anything on reddit so forgive me if i get anything wrongi amat the end of my tetheri amon the edge now and i feel like its totally hopeless ive got two young children and a husband my marriage is a good one despite the fact that i constantly pull at the threads of it to destroy iti am in complete self destruct modei amdrinking a lot and staying out late every opportunity i get getting wasted is the only time i feel anything other than crippling desperationi ambecoming a toxic presence in the presence of everyone i lovei amconvinced now thati ambetter off dead everyone would be better off with me gone but i amterrified of hurting them ive inflicted so much pain already nowi amtrapped which is causing me to really panic i cant kill myself without causing irreparable damage to my family i cant bare to live another day what do i do please help ,1
i dont know what else to do man i am just here at the moment really contemplating suicide i am 25 years old male and i dont know what the fuck to do just to give some background i recently started a business with my best friend about a year ago and i am the one who solely dished out about 1500000 on the business once the money became a factor in this friendship things changed drastically now i am in debt with all this and this person has turned against me and has used all the money purely for raves and money at this point i dont know what else to fucking do i am just wanting to move on but it seems i still need to deal with this and i also have my own depressive episodes that this does not contribute to my well being at this moment i just want to talk to someone that doesnt judge me for my own mistakes i am at the end of all this bullshit and want to fucking be done,1
my friend may be suicidal what should i do i have a friend who although i do not think is seriously contemplating suicide talks about suicide a lot for example a few days ago he said something along the lines of dude dont you sometimes feel like you want to kill yourself and everyone around you to which i responded not particularly after which he said what about mutual enemy to which i jokingly replied okay maybe him other than that he occasionally says things like the workload in ap chem is so hard sometimes i just want to kill myself while i think that hes just joking and that theres nothing to be worried abouti am still worried and hes been both the longest friend ive had so far and my best friend soi amunsure what to do any help ,1
stuck in unhappiness and worthlessness i am a bad person i wish i would die in my sleep i wish anyone who has ever cared for me realizes that i am just going to drag them down with my lies hiding my distaste for life or the suicidal feelings themselves actually fixing it takes an eternity and anyone who tries for that long is wasting their time on a worthless cause i will never escape i will only feel worthless and unhappy or feeling nothing my life doesnt have a happy ending it is the result of the entropy of happiness every day i will still taste happiness but a sliver compared to the day before it and an invisible speck compared to two days before is living really worth it i am probably not going to die right now but i am going to sleep soon and hopefully die and get replaced with someone worth other peoples time and care,1
been having a hard time ive had depressive episodes as long as i can remember but lately its been a lot worse ive always thought that i didnt want to die i just wanted to be dead and that killing myself was never something i could do however lately ive been thinking about how easy it actually would be to end iti am not s afraid of the act anymore and i am not sure how to feel about it i tried to reach out to the suicide hotline for a few days now with no real luck i only feel comfortable using the chat service as speaking in person really doesnt help me much my thoughts never translate to speech i only got connected to the actual chat once and they copypasted a paragraph telling me to call the hotline and then disconnected with me ive tried to talk to my doctor about my feelingsive never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety and they asked if i had lost interest in things i like doing and well i havent so i told her no that was the end of thati am sorry ifi amrambling too much but ive reached out for help so many times these past years and the only response ive been getting is to tell me to reach out for helpi am not sure what else to doi amkind of at the end of my rope here,1
can someone talk with me tonight just really depressed trying to avoid feeling suicidal and talking and connecting to another person really helps me feel better thanks,1
i dont know if i can do it anymore i left the military a couple years ago after no longer being able to with cope ptsd and back to back deployments id started school and my wife began a new career and life seemed ok almost out of nowhere my sisters kids get taken away by child services and my family begs my wife and i to take custody of the three young children all under 3 so that my sister may be able to have visitation as opposed to what a foster parent might allow theres tons of fear and trepidation surrounding the notion but we agree to it after a couple months of almost no sleep and grades slipping i vent to family members who call me selfish for complaining and not considering the situation the babies and my sister are in decide to press on and sister visits her kids daily but she grows increasingly passive aggressive and treats us like servants and throws fits if we dont raise her kids the way she prefers many arguments ensue and we attempt to reconcile and come to a happy solution but sister is never happy and always starts a fight fast forward a couple years and kids are still here with no idea when sister will regain custody ive graduated school but cant fight a decent paying job due to hours cant findafford anyone to watch the kids during after preschool hours now were behind on bills and sister is being taken to court for child support not by my request by the state and she grows madder and more abusive to me by the moment shes always shown clear signs of antisocial personality disorder andor narcissism shes threatening to blame me for fraud idk how and accuses me of hurting her kids every time they end up with bruises from fighting one another she has zero grounds for it or little proof but i know the allegation alone could ruin me ive been suicidal on and off but i am really at my wits end the only solution of getting her off my back is to give custody to child servicesfoster care but the breaks my heart tremendously to give up the kids regardless of how hard its been since ive had them since infancy its making me tear up as i type this i wanna live but i cant see life getting any brighter broke homeless or in jail are not how i intended for things to be by helping out my family tldr have sisters kids but shes not happy and its ruining my life,1
welli amat this low place again so i guess i have passed thei am going to hurt myself although yesterday i did try it wasnt my first but hopefully my last i have never been one to talk to people i tried therapy but since holding a job is almost impossible for the last 3 years its not an option financiallyi am31 back home with my wife and kid this time and my parents dont think that there is something wrongi ampretty open to them they have seen the scars witnessed an attempt and heard the horrer stories of the closest i still dont understand howi amalive but continue to tell me its for attention as soon as it happened i never thought i would be back at this point since i had a kid it was always enough now i feel worried that i may pass this onto her or my sadness will just give her bad memories of me i try and do what i can i even had a job but got hospitalized so i couldnt work and still cant not supposed to lift ten pounds and i everyone seems to think i want to be lazy and not help like it isnt killing me inside i will probably delete this someday as i dont feel the need for a throw away this is just my life and this somehow is the only place i feel comfortable sharing this story if it wasnt for my brother probably driving the speed of light and being able to break down barriers mentally and physically i may not be here but i am and just dont even know where to begin to start to feel normal or just happy again i walk through this fog feeling sluggish and useless and just dont want to feel this way if not for me for my daughter suggestions on a book a movie maybe someone has something i havent tried i cant really exercise so thats out at least for the next few months,1
i just want somebody to try to help me i know there are other people who have it worse and i probably shouldnt be complaining but this is the lowest ive ever felt my girlfriend of 4 years just broke up with me which wouldnt be so bad in itself if she wasnt also the only person i talked to aside from my parents unfortunately theyre not the best or even good at emotional support we both just moved to a new town to go to the same new college not the same apartment and after a little over a week broke up with me out of nowhere this had been my longest relationship ever and we were even going back and forth with all the lovey love you more stuff a couple days before i was completely blindsided the only thing thats worse is that she is the only person i would ever talk to about something like this she was the best thing i had in my life and now i have nothing she was the thing that kept me from thinking too dark now all i have is the fact that a life of suffering is better than an eternal void of nothing i was told we could still be friends and to text her if i needed anything and after a few days it turned into no responses and then a few responses basically saying we couldnt be friends for a while and i shouldnt talk to her until were both completely over it i dont know what i hope to accomplish by posting this or how anybody can help the last time i called the suicide hotline the guy was shit and just kept telling me that therapy is the solution i need even after i tried that and it didnt work right now i just want somebody to understand how i feel because i dont have anybody left who will honestly care,1
a step forward i went out and bought some rope today dont know when i will finally take the plunge and do it this is oki amoki amat peace with it all its not the way i wanted to go but i have no other choice in how i go i just want to let people know that it doesnt get better for everyonethis life isnt for everyone and thats ok ,1
why didnt i jump on wendsday my dad expects nothing except perfection from me my mom treats me and my siblings as slaves one of my best friends cant remember who i ami am12 and nearly jumped off a wall last wendsday i dont know how long it will be before i do jump oh and i just found outi ambipolar on top of my autism,1
what shit do i even have left anymore i get horrible grades no matter how long i study or try all of my friends only like me becausei amthe class clown and joke around in class and i cant stop doing it because of my adhd ocd anxiety and probably one or 2 others that havnt been diagnosed i have no future as i cant even do fractions and decimals let alone something that a job might require my only skills arei am really good at computers which gets me popularity but that wont mean shit once i try to get a job and everyone made their own os and rom for their custom made phone what shit do i even have left at this point to care about none of my teachers wanna help me because ive pissed them off so much that none of them like me my friends will leave the moment they think my jokes arent funny anymore and i amseverly depressed because of all that the extreme stress of possibly getting kicked out of school as ive been in 2 fights and got 2 suspensions and a third means expulsion and no college will want me once they see that and my grades i cant do this shit anymore,1
no point my best friend has finally grown tired of me my other friend rarely speaks to mei amalone may as well push my date to tonight so yeah,1
am tired me want to stop i have a girlfriend of 16 years we have a 1617 year old daughters together i have a wife of 14 years and we have two 14 a 10 and a 9 year old together i support both families and give them all the love and care i can but its getting heavy on me my girlfriend dont want serious and i ended up married she wanted serious several years later so i gave it my all because i love her no my family they are polar opposite one skinny one fat everything about them is opposite maybe thats the drain on me my kids know each other but dont know there related my girlfriend knows my wife does noti am tired and want everything to end and i ambetting my life on day this week to have everyone together and let it all come out i dont know how anybody is going to take it i dont know howi am going to take it but if it goes the way i expect i think i will end it that night i feel selfish for feeling this way but i feel it needs to come out for me to stress free and happy what is happiness anyway who decides this may not make sense but i amat the bar and drunk again and thinking maybe they should just meet at my funeral then i wont have to deal with any of it ever if i do that what happens to my kids my girlfriend my wife will they pull through me succeed or will i kill them when i end it ,1
i cant believe its come to this i quit my job back in april without a 2 week notice because i was being treated unfairly i was livid and i made a huge scene on my last day it was stupid because i had worked there for 4 years and now i cant even list that as experience i cant even seem to get another job period its been 5 months not to mention its impossible when i dont have transportation the only reasoni am not homeless is my parents havent kicked me out yet i cant stand living here with them thoughi am going to have to cancel my phone service soon which will mean i can never get a job i have no fucking life experience despite being 23 years old i dont know how to drive i cant go out of the house on my own i was raised and i continue to deal with narcissistic helicopter parents that have surely contributed to my fear of everything and extreme social anxiety the real cherry on top is being so fucking ugly i have a disorder that has caused substantial permanent hair loss and acne all over this past 5 months have been so hard for me that i have developed wrinkles not even fine lines around my mouth i looked in the mirror and i didnt recognize myself i look like a a balding underdeveloped teenager but with wrinkles and bags under my eyes i think this just solidified my decision to end it all ive been wanting to for a long time and i know i just need to make it happen no one can say it gets better at this point thats just a fact ,1
i cant so i dont want to keep going this is my wish its not unfounded its not irrational why will nobody respect it dunno if i will come back to check any replies ,1
if you know things arent going to get better are there any resources for having a nice non judgemental suicide with strangers i know life is not going to get better it wont and every effort hasnt worked possibly wrong sub but id like to at least not be alone when i off myself,1
i just cant i know no one is going to really respond i dont know why i am even bothering no one cares i dont expect them toi amhopeless toxic destructive i ruin everything and i amthe last thing to destroy theres just no point anymore theres nothing left but the ashes of what couldve been,1
ignored when i reach out about a week ago when i was really desperate i posted about my mental health problems on social media i didnt get many responsesa couple of hang in theres good vibes sort of stuff one person who responded was a former classmate she asked if she could help and i told her i could use someone to talk to she said i could reach out to her any time it was late that night so i sent her a message in the morning the conversation was brief i felt worse afterward i really needed to talk to someone and she offered i thought she would actually listen and be there i tried reaching out to her again last night giving her an update on the things we talked about last week its been a whole day and she never opened the message but shes been on social media multiple times since i found out yesterday that she was actually in the same city it hurt a lot to learn she was here and didnt reach out since shes aware of how isolated i am and thati am going through a hard time its really painful to have been given hope that this person careswants to help me and then have her actively avoid me i dont know what i did wrongi dont think i put too much of my problems on her in that initial conversation it would help me a lot to have her to talk to but she seems over itnot interested i dont know how to fix or if i should try again with her ,1
wondering wondering how you are doing just ran into your post i own pets and lost a couple hope you are doing well,1
can you guys please tell me why is it i feel like dying is the only solution i know this might seem like a very unpersonal question but i am really interested in knowing the events that have led and why do other people feel like they cant just go through the next day i am not suicidal right now but i often find myself thinking that i should have taken more pills or should have let the blood go and cut longer ,1
what do you do when you have no will to live i havent wanted to live for a long time i dont know if i ever consciously chose lifei amalive because i have to bei take care of my mom who has a lot of health problems i have no dreams or desires because i know from experience that i will never achieve or obtain anything good i dont want to live but i have to i dont want to feel the way i do anymore but this feeling never goes away i dont know how to make myself fight for life when i dont want it i dont know how to improve things when i have no desire for anything ive even let go of wanting to feel better because i never do ,1
feeling hopeless about the future and in a situation i want to change but have no option the fact that i have to do it all alone terrifies me further compounding the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness having a week alone to dwell does not bode well and at this point i really don t know what to do but keep coming back to suicide,1
each breakdown leads me closer to the end basic background ive been suicidal since i was 8 ive attempted suicide upwards of 9 times i have severe depression anxiety and anorexia ive been hospitalized upwards of 5 times for suicide attempts ive been good for about a year with keeping my suicidal stuff in checki ama high school senior who moved in with my aunt and uncle i refuse to kill myself while i live with them its just not an option for me morally since its not my home and it would be rude to have them have to deal with it howeveri am going off to college soon and that mentality will not keep once i get my own placeim just postponing the inevitable but it gets harder day by dayi amat the point to where i will wake up go to school spend time online do work and go to bed its routine its unfulfilling and theres nothing i can do about it my therapist is sincerely worried that i have no fun things in life and its laughable to me because its so usual for me to just not do anything other than schoolwork and numbing myself with the internetbut yeahi amprobably going to be dead within the next couple years its weird to think that i will most likely never be 20i dont know ifi am looking for help or just a place to actually say what has been running through my mind ever since i was 8 ,1
amtrans but i cant transition i dont see a reason to living anymore i want to diei ama trans person with dysphoria and i dont know how to handle iti amprobably going to kill myself thursday,1
am really sorry last night was the first time crying for a really long time i havent cried since i was a kid its like i almost forgot how to cry and became a stronger person but in realityi am still weak and was just bottling up my emotions i cried so much because a person i care so much about got angry at me might be a stupid reason to a lot of you but to me it means a lot and i take things too seriously ive never had someone get angry at me like this beforei am an infj and so i care more about other people more than myselfi amselfless i like helping people and making them happy i would risk my life to save another with no hesitations i rarely have any conflicts with people becausei amalways friendly kind understanding and non judgmental so when she got angry at me it hurt i felt it so much i had a panic attack i could not breathe and my heart was racing like it wants to rip out of my chest tears just started falling down out of nowhere shes was in the right to be angry i made a terrible mistake i said stupid things everything is my fault i wished ive never did what i did on that night with you i hate myself for overthinking everything and should of just acted like a normal person even though weve only known each other for a short while i really cared a lot about you i have trust issues and getting attached to people so quickly 2017 has been worst year of my life starting from beginning of the year where i had an infection and was in so much pain and had to get surgery then getting a job and hated it and quit then struggling to find a new job then getting really bad anxiety and being depressed with no motivation no appetite no sleep then getting tinnitus on my ear and then my uncle getting really sick and old and depressed and is in hospital i feel like ive hit rock bottom i feel like it never ends things keep getting worse and worsei am in the darkness slowly swallowing me into the abyss i hate my life i hate myself ,1
been postponing suicide because of mum and dad but should i really ive been contemplating suicide since the age of 20 and am 25 in november this year you can look into my posting history for more info on my situation life has improved for me but i am not sure i want to stay in this world anywayup to recently the strongest force that was holding me back from committing suicide was the idea that if i die before mum and dad theyd have to bury me and man id hate making them go through this as time went by however i became getting number to this concern oh i will be causing them pain no they caused me lots of pain by bringing me into this world oh they care about me well they dont seem to want to put any effort to keep me alive why should i put that effort for their pleasuresame goes to the method of suicide i consider which is jumping in front of the train oh will it be an inconvenience perhaps even a traumatic experience to the engineer and the passengers if they are against assisted suicide they deserve that inconvenience if they are for it my death will be a precedent they can use to advocate for assisted suicide so i will help thereso really whats there left to stop me,1
i purposely put myself in this state of mind and now i cant get out,1
not doing so hoti am not even sure where to begini am24 graduated undergrad in may with a double major and am currently working on a paralegal certificationive been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for around ten years at this point over the past year or two especially ive been losing the fight to agoraphobic tendencies i cant imagine finding or holding down a job i feel panicky just meeting up with somebody or running errandsi used to have so many close friends people drift but its been months since anyone reached out ive exhausted myself trying to make friendships and relationships work with other peoplei flipped out on my ex today we stopped talking for a while recently started talking again and found out shes dating already after a variety of i cant be with anyone bullshit when we broke up told her i cant deal with being shoved off to the side for other people i cant handle having such strong feelings for somebody anymore ive never known that something so beautiful love could be so destructivei cant imagine my future ive always sort of had it in my head that one day i will just off myself i feel like that day is rapidly approaching much faster than i thought it wouldi feel as thoughi amlosinghave lost everything my dads dying from cancer all of my closest friends have made their own lives in new places i tried reaching out to a ton of people tonight and couldnt get a single responsei dont really know what the point of this isi amterrified of death and of hurting my family but i amscared that if things continue the way they have been those fears wont matter so much anymoreits been a gentle downward slope for the last two years the past 6 months in general have just been one thing after anotheri dont know what to doi amthe smart and funny guy or i was when i was more social i cant keep up hiding behind a happy face i just drove aimlessly for an hour today crying i dont know whats wrong with me i could be such a successful and happy person if i could just fix my mental i willness issuesim laying in bed right now having a panic attack wishing i could rip myself out of my own skin just float around detached from everyone and everything observing but not participating or feelingthanks for readingedit just wanted to add that ive been seeing a psychiatrist for several years now and i amworking on getting back into therapy,1
am16 my whole life was a misery i just want to die becausei ampooruglyi am not love by anyone and oont love anyone other than my brother who is in the united states never seen him since i was a kidi love video games but dont have a fucking console and my younger nephew who is 11 and have his own ps4 and i have nothing that i want and i amhere in my room all alone and i literrally just beaten myself up and bit myself on the arm school starts tommorow i hate it ever since i was 9 i was always insecure about my looks and always comparing myself to my classmates and i will feel like shiti just want to fucking die and i have a disease,1
i shouldnt have been borni am really sorry for posting here and potentially ruining someone elses day but i feel like i need someone else to make sense to me as i lost the ability to i dont even know what to write at this point i have a growing hatred for myself and every day i turn into a less and less functional adult i hate myself for not being able to do things that everyone else can do that everything takes so much anxiety from me and i amjust being a bother to everyone even counselling didnt help even thoughi am really trying so hard and they are giving up on me too they taught me everything they knew so i guess after that if it didnt improve it might as well be a lost cause i cant even tell them because i dont want to offend them or escalate things asi amterrified for that too even thoughi am an adult i cut myself open whenever the opportunity arises i even went cold turkey on lexaprowellbutrin just to hurt myself more i feel like the next step is to just end it or ef myself up even more by oding on it but i dont know if thats even an effective way to go probably not but its an easy step would have been so much easier if i havent been born in the first place so i wouldnt have to hurt my family even morei amjust sorry for existing and growing into what i am today ,1
i know i know its an imbalance of chemicals telling me this is the worst because really i know its not the worstthe worst is way behind mei knowbut still here i amwondering why ive meant nothing to the people in my lifenothing but a propa whipping posti knowits not my faulti know i deserve betteri knowi knowi knowand it never happens i talk i givw i work i ponderi amcurious i think of creative ways to solve my boring ordinary problemsi know theres worse out therei knowbut do i have to do i have to keep doing thisi know id never see my best friends daughter grow up but theres so much pain i cant bare to watch the innocence drain from another little girl replaced with pain and hardship and despairi know id miss out on the food i have triedthat i will never finish a paintingill never see the oakland raiders win another superbowlill never see fiji or chile or france or spain i knowbut is it worth it it doesnt feel worth it if i have to keep come back hereplease dont make me,1
just thoughts i needed to let everybody know this concerns anybody who reads this ik u hear the same stuff from the same people tryna console u if ur suffering with something and thats just in our nature but please know that right now as of this second there is a person that cares like trust me on this please and i understand that its hard for u becausei am not close to u or anything but please know that i care to convey this message there are things that some people here have not experienced that they need to experience make this a goal that u can put devotion into to help u live a better life but a lot dont know that some of lifes keys are simple and are available to you if u think deep enough again this sounds so stupid i know and not a lot of people might understand but if u are able to get ur body to a point of where it is comfortable to unlock ur deepest thoughts u should try and they might be painfuli amwarning but ik ur smart enough that u at least understand that ive been rambling and i dont expect everybody to read this thats completely understandable but anybody who does please take this seriously and try to unlock your deepest thoughts in your mind i trust you will be strong enought to comprehend them and as a result will even change as a person,1
feeling depressed and suicidal i want to die i am 26 years old still in collegei am not smart i dont look good the girl i love has a boyfriend and i am losing my hair i dont enjoy life anymore,1
amready to kill myself ive had enough of the bs thats called life,1
i am finally alone its time my parents are out of town this is the opportunity i was waiting for for months i have two whole weeks to cleanpackwrite lettersand say goodbye i feel bad that they are going to come home to my death that as soon as they get off the plane they will realize i am not there to pick them up i know my mom isnt ever going to recover i know shes going to need my brothers support i know he hates me and there wont be any i never deserved the life i had i was an engineer a friend a son a brother and i threw everything away time and time againi am sorry mom dad brother i love you please forgive me i love you so much,1
something i wrote last night ive been trying to get into more writing and i feel like its more poetry based but i amproud of this one and just wanted to share it with someone so here it goesno more trying to hide these feelings in my mind laying them all out for you to find gonna end up another statistic in this sadistic world we call home take this bullet straight through the dome this blade i drag across my skin love the pain it puts me in when the blood starts to shedi amfinally out of my head try to hide from whati amfeeling know the damage id be dealing to family and friends how many times would they pick up the phone only to hear a tone dealing with depression is this recession on your soul fighting this battle inside push the feelings deeper only for them to climb steeper already tried a few times to end it all never been one to stand tall cant hold my head up high knowing i wont be heading for the sky when its all said and donei am still holding this gun pointed straight at my face not even in a dark place bout to take this blast happy to be a thing of the past,1
is there a way to call the suicide hotline without them trying to trace you i am not actively planning but i want to talk so bad,1
wellp its been real went out and bought myself a pint of gin and i amabout a quarter of the way through itfor ten long years ive hated my pathetic miserable life years of therapy diagnoses and the like cant helponly thing i have to look forward to is my psych eval the day after my bday to put me on mood stabilizersi lived the life i wanted for a short while and to be honest its probably the best i will getit doesnt add up the live i have and the way i feel something is in imbalance here oh well i cant keep doing this keep pretending that everything is okayill be writing up a note and a final testament in about an hour or so basically as soon as this pint is done take care duders and duderettes like ya love ya papa bless,1
please give me a reason to keep going i just wanna buy a bottle of xanax and a fifth of vodka not even sure if thats enough to od but it would be a hell of a ride,1
everyone hates me every single fucking human beingim hated by everyone my classmates who have verbally told me that they hate me my friends and even suicidal people hate mei am worthless to everyone and just another fucking doormat to be stepped onyeah well you you alli amgiving myself 1 year to live and if it gets worsei am going bye bye,1
it sucks i keep comparing myself to my to ppl i know such as my bigger brother 36 he has a job wife kids and i am still stuck at home at the age of 22 because of depression and anxiety with no degree or job i feel like a worthless shit never been in a relationship sometimes i wish i had somebody just to hug cuddle and talk feelings with but shiti ama ugly and an unattractive guy dont have any irl friends the only friends i have is onlinesteam the only girl that ive talked with for more than 5mins has a bf and i amquite jealous jesus i feel like a pathetic loser id like to end it all someday,1
its funny how tiny things can make an entire life worthless my whole life seems ok for the most partnormal family good friends hobbies that i was pretty good at math music programming and it nice opportunities for education i looked good had no trouble finding a partner etc etcbut becausei amtrans its all for nothing i cant live as a guy and i wont be a womani amhuge deformed by male puberty my bones are and will always be bones of a man there are no women with shoulders this broad ribcage this huge and hips this narrow ive been on hormones for a long time and they havent changed a thing i just cant describe how much pain seeing my body and my face brings me at this point suicide seems like a reasonable option if it makes the pain go away,1
i just want to stop fighting i dont think i want to die but i dont know reallyi amjust very tired and i want to rest instead of keep fighting ive had mental health issues for twenty one years now and it works in a cycle for a few monthsi amalright just low grade sadness and anxiety but i can get through my day and enjoy life then it hits and i dont like foodi am not hungry and most of my resources go to fighting intrusive thoughts about hurting myself in the first stage i fight those thoughts by pointing out that i shouldnt hurt myself in the second stage once the first one fails i argue against the methods as they are not practical or would not work in the third i focus on my family and the way it may hurt them if the third stage ever fails i will probably be dead it lasts from days to weeks usually untili amout of the pit and back on steady groundproblem is i dont want to keep fighting this cycle i dont want to screw around with medication until i find the right dosage i dont want people who dont know the extent of this problem to judge me or decide whats best for me eitherexample i discovered two puffs of devils lettuce wakes some part of myself back up i stopped crying around 10 or 11 and now at 29 i cry maybe once a year or less not for lack of trying just i cant cry more than a few tears i also dont have many urges to protect myself or fight back but two puffs and suddenly i could sit and cry for a half hour with tears suddenly i dont want to be snapped at and abused so i reflect it back on people who try husband was ecstatic because he had his wife finally instead of brief glimpses of mebut a coworker they decided that the smoke caused panic attacks and no i didnt smoke at work only at home and i washed well but they said i was causing an allergic reaction in them so quit or get a random drug test same person who says i cant have bipolar ii because in the two years ive worked there theyve never seen a manic episode in me nevermind the month or more i stopped sleeping in junior highshe and the boss know whats best so no more smoke go get more pills and hope for the bestthat was monday since then ive taken a lot of my medicine i had something that helped i dont want to fight anymore but it doesnt do much trouble breathing heart feels off muscles keep spasming or arm twitches eyes dilated its uncomfortable and even painful but its been three daysi just dont want to fight anymore,1
i thought things were getting better but here i am wondering if i could kill myself with my baseball bat because thats how desperate ive gotten and i am so alone that instead of talking to someonei amtyping this post into reddit life is a cruel mistress death has become palpable its like hes sitting across from me its all i can think about i just didnt know what else to doi am so alone,1
ive set a date i managed to push away everyone that tried to care about me i had been going through a rough year with over 8 months of job applications and not a single call i made some unwise decisions while at school not bad but unwise and i ampaying for the choices i made at 14 into my adult life with no way to fix it in june of this year i lost the one thing that i had been holding on to and now everyone is trying their hardest to keep it away from me wheni amscratching and clawing to get back the one purpose i had everyone is holding it away knowing that its all i was living for like they want me to lose all hope i have subpar education no extraordinary skills no money no work history no hope and only one way outi am an ordinary person living in a world where you need to be spectacular to get by i dont want professional help because that only leads to a life that i dont want to have there are other people that want and need the help more than i do and i dont want to take the resources away from them this just isnt the world for me ,1
i dont want to die i dont want to die but i really dont want to be here anymore the past few days have been shit i talked to my partner about my insecurities and its triggered him to practically ignore me the past 3 days hes mad at and making out like its impossible for me to have these insecurities that its made up etc i try so hard to make him happy to give him all he wants but i amjust still not good enough my feelings are still not valid for the first time ever all i want to do is impose physical pain on myself because the emotional pain is just overwhelming i cant stop crying i cant stop thinking about just packing up my stuff and going the reason i dont is 1 we have 2 kids and 2 i have nowhere to go i think maybe i should just leave them behind too but i just cannot do that they are the i my reasons keeping me from wanting to die without them my life has no meaning so i may as well just die ifi am going to leave them behind i just dont want to keep on breathing through this pain anymore i feel so worthless so invisible so inconvenient ,1
i want to kill myself but not die this is really weirdso i am a 13 year old male i will say that now i didnt come here for attention nor for a bunch of people to say nooo suicide is bad dont do it youve got so much to live for i am in a very confusing situation ive been depressed for 2 and a half years my stepdad attacked mei amalways negative my mum seemed to hate me and told me she was fking sick of living with me always swore and shouted at me constantly moved to my dads as a change fresh start i have siblings here i get on better with than at my mums but i am still not that close ive had no friends for years i contemplate suicide daily i just stopped cutting but its hard i dont get pleasure from things anymore i never have any energy or anything my dad knows and he wants me to get counselling and anti depressants suicide also runs in my family my dad attempted my uncle did twice and my auntie three times as well as my cousin self harming and being really depressed for years and so many times ive been that close to doing it but i dont want to die i want things to change but it feels like they never will ive given up its very confusing i get bullied at school and told to kill myself all the time i get that high school relationships are pointless and mean nothing but it would be nice to not be the only one in my form to not have been asked out mainly because everyone hates me sorryi amrambling here i just dont know what to do,1
my progress from last time i posted here hey ive posted here before and i just wanted to post my progress my suicidal thoughts are still here but i wont do it mostly because i know how much it would fuck up my family depression is still here and i still despise my self i cant change that got 1 best friend who i tell everything about my life and she knows everythingi am trying to endure the pain of being alone but i amhoping it will go away eventually but its been 4 years and its still here waking up is still hard for me i have no social life mostly becuase my family is poor which means no party which meansi am not getting invited to a lot of places because people here dont like people without money 12 of hours a day i spend on my computer and i die inside everytime my best friend cancels to hangout with me i will return again in a year to talk about my progress ,1
existence is pain hi my name is martini am18 years old and i need to vent out a little biti am tired i feel like ive been living for 100 years already i would describe my problem as existential depression if something like that exists it all started as i remember an year ago when i realisedi amgay but my sexuality isnt the root of my problem i was always kinda intoverted melancholic and dark minded cos of things that happened in our family and other things it just made me think a lot more then ever before this year was thanks to this lightbulb moment mostly about my personal development and trying to find myself i feel like completely different person now in a good way ive set my life goals and similar stuff but it wasnt so bright as it seemsi am tired because i dont want answers anymore i feel like ive had enough of this worldi amwriting this becausei am not in the best mood rn but i feel like that almost every damn day its like nothing and nobody have a purpose to be honest almost everydayi am trying to find a reasons why not to kill myselfi am not gonna kill myself i know it its just my dream every morning is not start of a new adventure its start of another nightmare and i amjust living for going to bed again dreaming about disappearing and never having to live that life againi amjealous about happiness of other people they have something i dont have like spark or whatever i hate things like alcohol cigarettes drugs and similar i want to keep my body clean but sometimes i just want to buy few bottles and drink to death stilli am trying to resist i even started to do sports to distract myself i was running two times per day to give my day a purpose instead of hurting myself or doing similar stupid stuff it was my way to exhaust myself physically i didnt want to cut or anything this running routine helped but not for long soi amhere stuck in this vicious circle with my nihilistic thoughts and opinions while listening to elliott smith and overthinking i dont know what to do visiting a therapist or someone cool but i dont to take any medications or something its disgusting for mei dont even know what i want writing this out helped me but i still feel empty i want to cry but i cant its like that almost an year already and the hardest thing is to pretend youre ok around others and i amscared that it will never end only thingi am still here for are people i care about if they would not be here i would probably do something stupidive tried to keep it as short as possible and theres much more into it and i feel like words are not enough to describe it also i apologize for my english its not my native language,1
very concerned about my 11 yr old he cut himself today and is saying he wants to die me and my wife have been concerned with possible depression with our 11 yr old son for a little while now i think he is addicted to video games he just started middle school and has had a ton of homework that hes not keeping up with we took away the games this morning until he has his work caught up next thing i know my other daughter runs into my room to let me know he grabbed a knife and was trying to make himself bleed out i run back to his room where he had cut the top of his wrist several times with a butter knife nothing major looks like a cat scratches himi need advice i have no idea what to do i think its more for attention but i dont think you can be to careful in a situation like this are there any free or cheap services i can use for help i make to much money to get medicaid but not enough to afford iive already called the suicide hotline to get some advice but i have seen how amazing reddit can be for stuff like this and would really appreciate any advice,1
cant stand one more night of feeling like this i dont know what to do anymorei amjust gonna yell into the void here a bit because i dont know what else to doi am so fucking sad and alonei amat the point where being awake is too exhausting and depressingi wake up most mornings feeling so empty that all i can do is lay there and cry getting out of bed is excruciating but staying in bed is also excruciating i find myself spending hours doing nothing but staring at the ceiling sometimes i can use my sadness for something like my art but more and more ive become even so sad that its to the point where i dont want to draw anymore let alone do anything elsei dread the nighttime because i can barely sleep anymore i usually am up until an ungodly hour stewing in my own sadness unable to get myself out of my own head nothing can distract me from my head anymorei amon medications for depression and anxiety have been a year or so now but they clearly arent doing what theyre supposed to ive been like this for so long that people in my life are fucking sick of it myself included and expect me to be better by now but i am not getting betteri amgetting worse and worse and i feel likei amfucking drowning 247 ive stopped talking to people because i can tell i bring them down i dont know how to interact with anyone anymore ive become so reclusive and dont have a way to really change that and even if i did have a chance to get myself out there and make some more friends and have a lifei know i would fuck it up because i always do i just dont want to try anymorei dont know how i can handle making it through tonight let alone the rest of my pathetic lifei just wish i were dead,1
i think my mind is made uppotentially triggering i dont know what the protocol is for this sub but i feel like i just need to get this all out forgive me mods ifi am not following strict rulesim supposed to be starting my life over in january and going back to school and living with my former partner and right now not even that promise is enough to keep my goingi am very disordered in my eating and it really fucks with my mental state because my discontent with my body keeps me depressed and i am already bipolar and have a history of anxiety and trauma my family doesnt understand and i have no friends to speak ofi have a plan in place just dont know when i will do it i plan to sharpie my name date of birthe and social security number on my arm and end myself in a rural motel off a small highway i will leave my id ij eyesight there will be no note or last words it will be an overdose most likely on whatever i can scrounge up potentially with slitting my wrists as a back up plan if things take too long i will pay for everything in cash and leave the remainder of my savings to my partner my family and whoever owns the motel to make up for my mess i wont quit my job i will let them find out if my family tells them or if they find out i will excuse my absence as a short road trip and leave the conclusion to be drawn while i am gone there will be no last warning i will disapearive had three failed attempts and i feel like i could do it right for once but i just keep waiting i dont know why i dont care about livingim 25 i live with my parents i dropped out of school after anxiety depression ptsd and my eating disorder got the best of me i came out as bisexualpansexual and nombinarynon gender conforming and people cant really understand the grief feeling so rejected has caused me i work a very stressful job where i am overlooked and taken for granted and it just digs me deeper into my i willnessi post frequently to dont judge because you dont know the community and get some support there but even with that i still feel like i dont belongi dont belong anywherei feel worthless and like a burden cliche i know but i feel awful none the less i just want the pain to go away and to be able to be happy for people to show they care but i know the world is cold and maybe people like me dont belongi feel like going away will only make the world a better placethis is where i amwillow,1
14000 mg of acetaminophen i currently have about 14000 mg of acetaminophen and i could probably get my hands on more is it true that is could take ages to kill me i just want something quick,1
i have a perfect life i should have everything i could ever need someone else mentioned that they want to switch places with rich people thats me my family is wealthy even for 1st world standards i can get anything i want physically wisei ampretty popular in school make a lot of friends go to a lot of parties etci amalso pretty smart and combined with the wealth thing i can get into a good college and get a good job etc etc high school senior now i also have no shortage of emotional attention a loving family and lots of good friends who genuinely care for mei amactive with a very fun and enjoyable xc and track teams essentially i have a perfect life as of yet the quintessential high school stereotype but i still feel so so lonely and that no one can understand me yada yada the classic teenage hormone stuff sometimes i feel completely worthless and that i let down everyone around me on my good days i know this is completely false and on my bad days i know objectively how stupidi ambeing still doesnt stop the feelings from existing and i dont know how to fix iti am not actively going to go out and do anything to myself theres no way i have the strength of will to do that in any case i would probably feel too guilty anyway i know this is coming off rambling but i amcompletely at a loss for what to do,1
am sorryi am going to do it tonight one more hour ive come here to see if maybe someone would be able to talk me out of it i dont think they will but i hope so the truth isi amscared and i dont want to do it but its the only way out for me at least thats what the demons tell me my life has gone to shiti am worthless and nobody cares,1
monday i think monday should be the day i will have seen both of my parents and my grandparents and gotten the chance to say goodbye i dont have any reason to stay after this the only problem i have to figure out is where to do it i dont want anyone to have to clean up behind me,1
best country to commit suicide in none please dont why do you want to die,1
wubba lubba dub dub so for a little bit of background heres a timeline ive had anxiety issues forever all through elementary school i had extreme separation anxiety it was brushed off as me just being a clingy kid up until fourth grade in fourth grade my anxiety hit an all time record i missed a shit ton of school and they eventually sent a letter home complaining about it i started therapy and was prescribed zoloft believe it or not i had my first semisuicidal thought in fourth grade i remember it clearly what if i just wasnt here anymore in fifth grade we moved that year was okay but the anxiety stayed strong in year 6 i became severely depressed and started self harming this lasted until year 7 basically middle school sucked ass nowi ama high school student and things are bad again i just dont know anymore i feel ive tried everything so much medicine and hours of therapy breathing exercises meditation nothing helps also school i cannot handle the stress it makes everything so much worse but whenever i mention homeschool or something like it my mom gets pissed off and yells at me its worse because we all know i can do the work this year i literally didnt show up the last semester of school due to surgery and i passed with honors if youve made it this far thank you if anyone has any ideas or other coping mechanisms i would love you foreveri amhonestly so lost right now and suicide is so tempting ,1
i had to go back on meds ive had suicidal thoughts off and on for years no reason to have them i have what everyone would consider a good life great even i have severe anxiety and depresssion started when i was young 39 now ive been on all kinds of meds since i was 20 will go off and on finally in may i decided i was tired of feeling numb and emotionless so i got off everything but the last few weeks have been terrible and ive thought so much about death that i just called my doctor and asked to be put back on medsi am so dissapointed but i hope they will cut down the anxiety and depression,1
why even bother i have dealt with on and off abuse for 6 years and if i dont get out now then i wont have any chance at transitioning healthily into adulthood ive asked so many people if they have a place for me to stay so i can escape this but noone is financially able to help mei amcontemplating just killing myself at this point,1
no one ever wants me the only person who ever really gave a shit about me stopped responding to my pleas for help and the next time i get to see them in person for help isnt for a few days and i doubt if i can make it through tomorrow,1
life keeps getting worse ive annoyed everyone into not wanting to talk to me and i amcompletely alone not worth anythingi am going for a drive and i will probably crash my car thanks for letting me vent here over the years now no one has to deal with me anymore hey you subscribed to this sub because you mustve had a thought that maybe someone cares maybe someone can say something and i will have that miracle epiphany get the advice of a lifetime or something along those lines there are people subscribed to this sub to provide exactly that though sometimes what we are looking for is front of us and we just dont process it this is because were used to getting nowhere that all we believe is nothingness but because you subscribed to this sub you must know despite how you may feel that people do care and the words spoken here are those of experienced people who take time out of their day to make sure youre ok we want you to be ok you are getting what you signed up for you probably just dont realize it yet its time to realize people care reply to one of our messages and we will help you to the best of our abilities because you are now a priority ,1
how long would it take to starve to death no food water how long i amhomeless never had a job no qualifications no money no family,1
today it really just feels like it will never get better so i posted here once before i never replied to anyone but i did read all the things people said i also managed to work up the courage to speak with a friend but i feel like that particular resource is no longer available to mefor a little back ground i was born in to an ultra conservative christian family i knew from a young age i was different but i actually never swayed from conservative views until well in to my 20s see i am transgender i just know that i never asked to be trans and it kills me that my family would so easily toss me aside like i never meant anything to them i just dont see any point moving forward if it means feeling like this every day ,1
i lied to myself two weeks ago i was ready to give up on myselfi am not sure why but i decided to talk to a friend to see how she was doing she asked how i was i told her about my situation and suggested i see a therapist or at the very least tell my family so first week of class i started to feel myself wear down throughout the day and decided to tell my brother so i did i promised him i would call the psychiatric department of the hospital to see when i could get an appointment only available was during school hours and i decided against it the lady i talked to was real nice told me to call in the morning i want the appointment to see if it was free that day i never called backi guess since i had always kinda been like this i always had something ive been getting worse i can barely sleep with every day it seems less and less of a good idea to call what happens to me if have to take medication how different will i be how different will i feel with every day where my mind is right now its hard to remember some stuff i dont know what i like or what i would want to do i barely have any drive to finish high schooli am not sure where this part would be better suited i cant tell if i like this one person or if its my mind just trying to cling onto anything that can make me smile,1
depression is coming back ive always had a suicidal part of me since i was a kid i tried twice but both times my sister entered the room just in time and went to tell our mother who lost it and called all the pros there arei m30 am now in a not so great relationship which will likely end this year if nothing happensthe worst part with this kind of depression from which i suffer is that i dont know why i feel this way its the exact same feeling from when i was in my early teens its a feeling of complete loneliness even thoughi am not lonely i for now have a gf and i have my two kidsis a feeling of not knowing what and if there can be anything done to kill the painthis feeling is the only one who ever made me consider finishing it all theres no antidote i dont know what i want so its pretty impossible to find a solution unless its final,1
am going to suicide i just dont know why thing is ive been discussing it with myself for a while now hell even with a long distance friend and i personally think i have no regards for my life whatsoeveri am17 years old male but i amon that side of guys who are way to sensitive for anything at alli amweak short ugly thin unhealthy both physically and mentally and i certainly do not feel loved or cared or that i thus matter to anyone ive planned everything out so fari am doing it on december because it is a special occasion and well maybei amjust hoping things will get better by that time it just helps the feelings sharingcontacting with other people at least until the day comes a few of the things that are holding me back are my family and if a kid ends up finding my corpse while playing in the woods i seek no harm toward othersthank you for reading till the end not that it matters anyhow,1
agoraphobia havent been out of the house in 5 weeks this morning i took extra xanax and made it to a small grocery store i sweated and cried during the entire trip my shirt was drenched the cashier looked at me like i was having a nervous breakdown i am but at least i finally got a little food in my home i was gone 22 minutes it felt like a week,1
wrote a note cant see the point in going on i cant live solely for the sake of others anymore i tried cutting myself but the blade was very dull if i ask for help it will just make things worse and i cant afford a psych ward billi amdone,1
my life is objectively great but suicide just seems like such an appealing option theres a laundry list of reasons whyi amdrawn to it i feel broken bored alone etc and the list is constantly morphing after perusing this subreddit for only a day i feel like yall would understand i could expound on the why but that would require an entire essay and this is my first post be gentle etc so i will try to keep it short i will give some context i hate admitting this but my fickle depression stems in part from the women ive loved in my life and losing them almost entirely due to my own nature it is exacerbated when my mind wanders to them either randomly or via reminders eg snapchat stories on labor day weekend ldw i can elaborate if anyone cares but i am not really looking for anyone to care just for a space in which i can babble about my current feelings because fleshing my thoughts out has always been therapeutic for me to some extent and reading this subreddit has made me realize that perhaps it can be therapeutic for some of you in a solidarity sort of wayand honestly that vague sense of solidarity has been getting me through tonighti ama medical student currently on 24 hour surgery call by virtue of being in medical school alone i realize i am incredibly fortunate a piece of the whole my life is objectively great i feel absolutely amazing when i get involved in patient care its almost like a drug but just like most drugs withdrawal is a bitch every weeknight i go back home curl up in bed alone finding solace in mentally orchestrating my own death until i fall asleep so right nowi am in a weird place its a slow ldw saturday at the hospital and i am not really needed anywhere i havent done anything for a couple hours now and my mind is starting to wander into the usual dark places but this time its happening in my one safe haven the idea of getting through medical school so i can devote my life to patient care is one of the few reasons i persist if i lose this if this sanctuary gets tainted by my misaligned maladaptive thoughts then what am i left with,1
how do i get help from friends without seeming like a complete jackass i am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and am splitting really hard recently people are either my friends or they hate me i am either full of confidence and hope which is fine most of the time or i just want to kill myself for tanking so low so fast and suddenly feeling like a massive shitheap of a worthless personi am living with friends currently but theyre much more like close family than just friends for all the love we bicker a lot weve been through a lot and are very forgiving but on the daytoday were all always finding fault among the others this is not to say we are in any way mean or bad people we just each expect better of the others among us and are quick to admit our own flaws as wellthe problem lately has been that i am severely depressed because of other outside circumstances err almost being murdered by my nowex on 61 and this petty bickering always leaves me feeling like i can do no right it doesnt matter that two hours ago they were thanking me for responding to their kid in danger the fact that theyre chiding me now for whatever is extremely upsetting and the sheer level of upset makes me want to hurt myself punch myself in the head usually and then that stupid impulse makes me angry enough to want to kill myself and then i get stuck in a loop of being angry at myself for being so oversensitive and overdramatic about something so stupidi need help and i am not even sure how anyone can help and i dont know how to ask without seeming like a total attentionseeking ass or even if there is a response like what can we do to help and i amlike i dont know and i amback to looking like an assi am not very prideful but you know i already kind of feel crappy and so putting myself out there to feel crappier for a minute even if to feel better later is just i dont know how to do it other than just do it which is so awful i loop back around to the this sucks so much i want to kill myself feeling over something that objectively shouldnt be that hardi imagine killing myself in many ways but i dont know that i could go through with any of them just the pain of enduring basic everyday scenarios is becoming excruciating and i feel likei amgetting worse rather than better no matter what i try to do to turn it aroundi sought professional help and he recommended dbt but that takes time to get into and right now every day is getting worseany advice out there,1
i wish i could just go somewhere and be put down like a dogi amonly alive because i lack the courage to do it myself i dont see any hope he contacted me again undid what little progress i made all so he could absolve himself of his own guilt now hes done with me again left me to wallow in my suffering alone off to live a life where he doesnt have to deal with what hes done he said he was sorry but i feel like if he was truly worried about hurting me he would have left me alone nowi amhurt all over again he doesnt care and i want to fucking die i really mean it i wonder if he actually enjoys doing this to me i didnt do anything to him all i wanted was to love him i just wanted him to love me back now all i want is to fucking die and finally be at peace there is nothing good about life i dont want to live another 50 plus years of this please just put me down they do it for abused dogs that cant be rehabilitated why wont they do it for abused people i have no place in this world except to be shit on my life has shown me thati am an ugly woman no one wants an ugly woman not as anything other than a chew toy i want my ugly face to rot away and be gone i dont want to live in it anymore please kill me ,1
everyday my life gets worse my life gets worse everyday and everything i try doesnt make anything better i cant do anything right all the shit in my life is hemorrhaging and i dont know how much longer i can stay strong ive tried to kill myself before years ago and swore id never try again but i amas close as ive ever been before i have only one friend and i cant talk to them about it because theyll have my parents intervene and make things worse i just want to die,1
theres no answer nothing can fix me people like me werent meant for life no person should ever feel so empty and so much pain at the same time my experience isnt even unique there are so many people in pain who dont deserve it life is filled with good people who suffer and terrible people who thrive not everyone can be lucky in life not everyone is meant to survive some of us were meant to be selected against some of us just werent equipped to deal with the tragedies of the world i cant function anymore its 11 am on a saturday and i amthinking about death,1
the closest i have been in a long time it is both frightening and freeing all at once people think i am getting better i know the things to say and how to act i show just enough of the real me to make them think they see it allbut i dont even realize how much i am hiding because i am hiding it from myself as well and then there is a night like tonight nobody can ever know the truth of just how close i came tonight i know a lot more about my meds now than i did a couple hours ago i know which ones will kill me and which ones will only really mess me up but i am not telling anyone that they dont need to know i need this plan for later tonight or tomorrow or next week i cant have it taken away from me and it scares me how tightly i am holding on to this but i cant let go ,1
people who have attempted suicide how did your family react also did anything change if at all,1
going to end my life i simply am tired of suffering from this depressioni am52 years old and had a lonig life its time to end my life ,1
i will never be normali am an emotionally stunted excuse for an adult twentyfive and i dont know how to forge relationships because i wasnt allowed to go anywhere or have any friends growing up so now i just dont bother i got screamed and cursed at whenever i didnt excel at something so now even the slightest criticism sends me spiraling into panic i was only ever good at school thats all over now i feel like i dont even know how to function in the real world i wish i had the strength to say screw them to rise above it all and come out the other side but i dont i will never be normali amthe sum of all the things that were done to me not the things that i did but i can change that now right wrongim a spiteful bitter person i will always be a spiteful bitter person today i instigated a huge fight with my roommate over nothing i can feel myself becoming the kind of person my parents were i dont want to live ifi amthe bad guy ,1
my life has lost all meaning ive lost all hope in living and finding happiness ive lost the will to live and i just dont know what to do anymore i feel likei ama waste of life and that i should just kill myself everyone at my school treats me like shit even though i try to be nice to anybody everyone thinksi amgay even thoughi am not and constantly calls me a fg or a pussy and always says thati ama piece of shit my therapist has been telling me to separate myself from him which i did but he keeps persisting and telling me these things he makes my girlfriend cry all the time and calls me a pussy for talking about my feelings i feel like an outcast and that nobody will ever understand my struggles ive been mentally and physically abused by my step mom over the past 2 years i had to run 10 miles from home to get picked up bc she was abusing me she abuses my dad too but he still wont leave her i havent seen my dad in 9 months and hes made zero effort to come visit me or see me at all the last time i saw him was when i got out of the mental hospital after trying to kill myself and cutting myself like crazy he acts like he doesnt care about me he never calls or texts me ive been doing so good in school and sports lately and everybody continues to tear me down and now my girlfriends mom wont let us be together just bc she doesnt know me and thati amolder i want to fall back into old habits and just cut myself until i cant anymore i cant take this suffering anymore ive had depression since i was 8 its been almost ten years with it and its just gotten worse and worse my dad left me when i was 3 i watched my mom almost die when i was 12 ive been separated from all of my family since i was 7 the abuse the depression the meds the cuts the blades the sini am in so much pain and i just want to rest 6 feet deepi am not going to suffer anymore i cant do this anymore,1
i hate that all the kids in my family are 30 _ _ they are my best friends and there going on with there lives even if you feel behind its not too late to work towards something life isnt a race the feelings of jealously tell us when someone has something wed like does seeing them make you want something out of life,1
anhedonia its going to be like this for the rest of my life theres no point hotlines dont do anything and the only reasoni am still here is because i dont have the means to do it properly and i am not worth the hospital bill when i inevitably fail theres no fucking point for me being here anymore no one gives a shit anymore ive worn out my welcome all my friends just tell me to talk to a professional instead because theyre tired of hearing me whine about my inane fucking problems and the professionals all want me hospitalized when i cant fucking afford to be hospitalized and no one cares no one cares anymorei am still fucking drowning and theres nothing i can doi amfucking done i dont know what to do,1
immediatei amsitting on the top of a scaffolding 6 floors high idk i want to die so badly and the things keeping me are vanishingi amloosing it the only things keeping me are friends and they are all asleep nobody is there,1
i want help i just cant have it ive talked to therapists several in fact they all managed to make me feel worse i cant see a psychologist the nearest that takes my insurance is a 3 hour dive so 6 hours round trip i dont feel comfortable talking to a doctor all the ones i have seen havent been able to address my physical issues so i am highly doubtful in their ability to address my mental concerns i dont have family that i can trust they all are abusive or very close to other family that is abusive i dont have any friends i can talk to ive tried and one told me life is worth it because it rains and that kind of shit isnt helpful i feel trapped and like my only way out is suicide,1
it feels likei amabout to lose the most important person in my life and i am already on the edge ive dealt with cutting and suicide in the past and now i feel like i did back then except now i thinki amabout to lose the most important person in my life i was already on the edge of ending it before and now i just feel more helpless my chest only ever feels empty and i have nothing keeping me here what do i do in my situation,1
i dont want to keep going i feel like i cant keep going ive been in bed all day and theres so many problems but i cant do them because i cant get up ive cut really bad the last couple of days and i think i got my limit i dont want to live anymore i dont see the point in life i cant keep up i cant even get out of bed and theres stuff that has to get done i dont even know whyi amwriting this i will probably slice my leg open and forget my problems until i sink again i dont even know why i try anymore it feels useless it really feels useless everything feels bad ive planned out my suicide i just need to do it i want to do it but i cant i dont even like life and i dont have it in me to shoot myself i dont even know whyi amwriting this i doubt anyone cares i will just feel worse when i post it i just want life to be over i dont want to keep going on like this i cant,1
i feel like i can never escape this ive suffered from major depression social anxiety and adhd for 11 years now there have been multiple times i planned and tried to kill myself in 2011 in 2015 and just two days ago to name a few my life has technically improved i just got married this june and while we dont have kids yet we do have cats we consider our children i love them so muchi am going to college for a careeri ampassionate about music education i think my life is technically fulfilling but i still want to die ever since chris cornell and chester bennington died this year it has made me wonder these guys had families and successful careers but even then they couldnt escape depression it made me realize i will never be able to escape these tendencies no matter how great my life is and thats fucking terrifying to me ive dealt with depression and suicidal feelings for 11 years and still havent escaped i dont wanna get too deep into having a family ifi amjust gonna kill myself eventually i might as well back out of life now ,1
back at it so here we are back at it again this morning i was upset because i was reminiscent of the days where i actually had friends i tried to tell me him about it and he told me to stop whining about something stupid ok fine maybe it was stupid then i got threatening texts with him saying stuff then go out and make some friends you loser and i effing hate youi amgetting very close to calling the police because i am starting to believe his lies do i want to disrupt his life do i want to disrupt my life the answer is obviously no so i tried calling the national suicide prevention hotline i was on hold for a good ten minutes before i hung up maybe i should just go to the police at this point and be done with it ,1
fuck childline i swear these fucks just made me more angryyou are supposed to be able to call them till you are 19 if you are feeling suicidal or depressednow i have a really deep voice and i sound a lot older theni amactuallyi tried to call them 3 fucking times and every single time they called bullshit on my age and suggested other hotlines i cant fucking help i sound likei am45 god damm it,1
nothing in my favor i dont know what to think i just want to say my feelings i cant get any girl i want and i have nobody to go to prom with i am so lonely and i hate it i think i just want to be with god,1
alone ive been hopelessly alone my whole life i had abusive and awful parents and then an abusive and awful spouseim always alone sometimes people match with me in online dating platforms but after one or two dates they just disappear even though i think we click just finei amstarkly unattractive and genuinely unloveable i dont really have friends just coworkers who i see maybe twice a year outside of work my exspouse saw to the idea that i should be alienated from all our mutual friendsive always had suicidal thoughts but lately when i have them i feel a lot more relaxed instead of anxious whenever i go to a counsellor or talk with anyone for help they say it gets betteri am in my late 30s and it does not get better and it doesnt seem like it ever will i dont even know who id leave a suicide note for do people even leave them why bother,1
amsitting on my bed with 40 pills of oxy and i dont know what to do so i havent been having the greatest time recently i have bad anxiety thats been getting worse as i get older i recently found out thati ambipolar my best friend killed himself and 2 other people i thought were my friends betrayed me my parents are never home things i used to have fun doings arent fun anymore yet despite all this i thought life was looking up i had a girlfriend that i thought loved me maybe she even did but she broke up with me after telling me she was faking it for the last 4 monthsive never felt this bad before ive always worked through it i even went to a therapist but all i have ahead of me is a year of school with no friends and nothing to do and then i have college but whats the point to dragging out my existencei dont know why i even posted here maybei amjust looking for someone to throw me a pity party ha ha but i amsitting here with these pills in my hand trying to work up the courage to take the last leap and i cant even do that or maybe i canjust someone please convince me it gets better because i cant fucking deal with thisedit alright guys sorry but i am going crushed the pills put them in water wrote a notei amreal scared but i think i will feel better in a few minutes sorry,1
going in for surgery soon maybe its better if i dont wake upi amthinking i will rather be dead than having chronic pain my mistakes made life unfortunate but i cant take really much more physical paini dont know how to behave myself i think that people have busy lives and i dont see myself adding any kind of value to their lives friendship is just a weird thing for mei mean i havent always been this way or maybe i did i had pretty awesome friends in my youth but one committed suicide and the other isnt interested in keeping contact i remember not really knowing how to advance friendships i have been having vivid dreams about it and i hate myself for my choices i just dont know life is bearable of course but the pain of every other suffering in life and the indifference around me is just making me want to escape all my problemsim even rambling here and i dont believe any word i say about myself i criticize my thoughts to the point that i can only come to the conclusion thati ama loser and antisocial even though my reasoning may be right and it makes me want to crythere is no way i can change this world it is far too late to change anything about the world at all why simply because everyone is too selfish and it will kill everything and everyone,1
suicidal ideations of afteri am40 let me start by saying ive been depressed for years currently on zoloft and some other junk ive been doing better and dont really want to die yet however i cant help but think i will kill myself decades down the linei ama freshman 18 and i amplanning for my dream job life and none of it is too fancy however i feel like once ive achieved those things and experienced happiness for a time i will kill myself knowing i pushed past high school and all of lifes bullshit for a worthy reward then game over it kind of scares me to think that way but i dont know how to stop it its a future problem i guess but i just dont know its all so overwhelming even wheni am doing better i can only see one way out the same way in my darkest moments ,1
every weeki amback to this started this semester again thinking everything would be ok applied for some jobs then i hit one little roadblock in a class and i make a rash decision and drop iti ama pathetic loser all there is to it couldnt even finish the first assignment in the class want to just drop every other classi amtaking and be the fuck done with it all no wayi am going in for any interviews anymore now either at least i had the courage to cut myself for this first time tonight so thats a plus dont even know why the helli ambothering posting this nobody ever bothers to help me out or anything,1
i cant make change people are always evil for no reason when i realize that i cant make change in this world and that its always gonna stay evil i lose my motivation to work and advance my life because whats the pointi am not very depressed but this thought comes up sometimes and gives me suicidal urges and feelings any advice,1
ramblingi am not very good at writing soi cant even tell whati am doing for attention anymore everything feels likei amgrasping at straws i think depression was just the coo thing to do and i just fucking lied and said i had it but now every night i go to sleep feeling shitty and wanting to die i dont even know if its depression and then every morning i wake up with nothing to do and i dont have the energy to hang out with friends i literally just sit at home and play video games everyday alsoi amto fucking young to tell if i have depression nothing is even solidified in me yet how can i fucking have depression and not even be put of high school i also have this fucking selfish need to be different and special what the fuck is wrong with me i hooked up with two guys and nowi ampoly sexual like it was the cool thing but i barely even have sexual thoughts about either gender and i can only get off to porn about girls again it started with gay being the cool thing to do then i provably just convinced myself of it i dont even want to diei amterrified of dying and i dont even want to not exist either like i want to live but i hat like 10 of it or something and i amjust fucking magnifying it to have something concrete sorry for even posting herei am not gonna kill myself anytime soon i didnt even say anything interesting or anythingi amjust fucking i dont even know,1
dont exactly want to die but i am not really bothered by living either ive been getting healthy taking my meds almost every day found the right combo of medication seeing a therapist etc the usual until tonight i cant seem to find a job the one i desperately want i know i wont get i havent got a single penny to my name i just feel useless and without direction wtf am i to do with my life not to mention the fact ive gained 40lbs and cant seem to shed it no matter what i do ive got a little bit of klonopin prescribed to me thats left i never wanted to abuse it again ive had some close calls but i cant help but love the numbness it gives me ive taken 45mg and currently drinking a bottle of wine hoping the husband doesnt find out i just moved back to the uk too so the mh care here is well shitanyone been in this spot does it get better does anyone even know what they want to do with their lives ,1
i dont have friends and i never will becausei amugly and boring and anxious and i am not funny and i am not interesting and nothing about me is good or likeablei ama fucking failure reject no one gives a shit about me if i died tomorrow it wouldnt even fucking matter all people see when they look at me is an ugly piece of shit and when they get to know mei am not any betteri amjust a waste of space,1
struggling i had my first bout of depression back in 2004 when my grandpa died i nearly killed myself back then choked myself out with a ps2 controller i was 13 and felt like i had nothing left i bonded with my cat and for the longest time he was the reason i kept going he was like a brother to me and there was nothing i wouldnt have done for him he died in 2014 at the age of 14 he was the perfect cat that sunk its claws into me i remember a month before he died i had a strange dream we were outside and got surrounded by a gang of wasps that just kept stinging away i had the chance to escape and i did for a brief time but they surrounded him i came barreling back in and used my body to shield him only to black out in said dream and find out he passed away in said dream woke up and saw him laying on the couch i hugged him and kissed him told him how much i loved him he died a month later july 2nd 2014 he was put down and i found out after i got out of work all i could do was cry there went one of the few people in my life i cared about and loved more than anything i love my parents but i dont have any relationships with the rest of either side of the family fast forward to last year i was desperate and lonely so i started paying for adult entertainment it was like 50 here and 50 there it wound up going up to 15k in a year i was lonely and still am thought to myself screw it might as well enjoy myself because i deserve it got tired of working and getting nowhere so i decided to treat myself then that erupted into a huge fight because my parents found out how much i spent i am lucky i still have a roof over my head then my dad tried to get advice from somebody at work on how to deal with me and next thing you know it spread around the whole plant everyone knows i am a dirty individual with issues i had alcohol issues in the past i havent drank in over 3 years it gets to that point where you get so lonely and stressed i tried talking to my therapist but his answer is well if you would go out and meet people you wouldnt be upset its kinda hard to meet people when you are stuck working a meat grinder type schedule of 5 12 hour days a week trying to pay this off and not getting anywhere my debt is at that point where either bankruptcy or just ending it all are good options all the shame and embarrassment i have caused my parents over the years ,1
i thinki am going to kill myself tonight ive been fighting and suppressing my feelings for so long and ive turned to alcohol and drugs to cope the more i do it the less it numbs mei am tired of it i just want it to end i cant do it anymore i know thati amsmart and capable but every time i wake up in the morning it gets harder and harder to wake upi amdone,1
i think my best friend may have done it and its tearing me apart shes been struggling with suicidal thoughts for a while now went to the hospital on monday got released that evening we text almost constantly yesterday morning she just stopped nothing she can and does access her messages on her computer so her phone being broken isnt an explanation she lives a few hours away and i cant drive i have no way to get to her and i dont know her addressim terrified that she has killed herself i dont know what to do and i feel like my whole life is unravelingedit she texted me this morning shes alive but doesnt want to talk right now soi amgiving her some spac e,1
i cant like with bpd anymore my mind is everything i am if i dont have that then i have nothing i just hurt someone else who did nothing but care about me because i cant fucking control how i feel i swear i shouldnt be allowed to exist anymorei amletting go ,1
none of you even give a shit do youi amdone,1
i wish i would die so i wouldnt have to kill myself i wish i had an excuse to die i wish i would be hit driving home one day i wish i would get mugged and shot i wish id get hit crossing the street i wish i had cancer i know its selfish and fucked of me to even think things like that i just really wish i had a way to die without killing myself you get to die without leaving anyone mad at you my family doesnt deserve as someone as fucking pathetic as me i dont want to hurt them but i amhurting so much but no one knows no one cares all my friends have slowly left and can i fucking blame them i wouldnt be my friend eitheri am so terrified of lifei am so terrified of trying to end my lifei am so terrified of fucking that up like everything elsei am so tired of being alonei am so tired of having to pretend everything is okayi am so tired of being a fucking loseri am so tired of life,1
my cat ive never posted anything online ever after losing my dog of 15 years in april i was left with my pet cat who is only got in march he was killed in the road yesterday he was only 2 its not the same as my dog who i know had a fantastic life and was put to sleep painlessly my cat has been stolen from me in such a brutal painful manner and his life stolen from him by a driver doing 50 in a 20 zonein some cruel twist of fate i saw it all unfold right before my eyes i was walking back from the shops near to my house in the distance i saw a black shape crossing the road he was trying to come to home i sprinted to meet him but he disappeared from my sight he must be under one of the parked cars i thoughtthen i saw him he was crawling into the road his back legs dragging on the floor i ran into the road and picked him up on in my arms he was shaking convulsing blood was all around his mouth within a minute he was limp in my arms people were standing round watching the driver of the vehicle stopped and addressed me he said something about the cat coming out of nowhere and asked if he was ok i simply said he was dead and he offered an apology before leaving i cant get the image of him in my arms out of my mind the pain is too much to bear anymore whether hes there or not if theres a chance my boy is alone then i need to be with him i need to look after him the way i didnt before i could have kept him indoors but he was an outdoor cat he was always careful crossing the road i live by a woods he liked to explore but i shouldnt have let him out hed still be here with me nownobody understands the paini am in my parents are growing impatient i can tell but i will never be over this people say you learn to live with these things but i dont want to learn and i dont want to live without the sweetest most loving cat ive ever known fuck this world,1
am not strong enough for this i have had a rough family life lived with an aunt who verbally mentally and physically abused me while her husband stood aside and watched taken by my biological mother at 15 hoping that things will get better it did for a few months from then on it was neglect and being ignored for weeks and weeks with little proper communication i only had friends to talk toyears have passed and i still get the same treatment just this morning i saw the smile leave my biological mothers face when she saw me entering the kitchen i just found out few minutes ago that my biological mother actually contacted my boyfriend and told him not to see me or she would never give her blessing for our relationship important to note that my boyfriend is one of the few things keeping me tethered and mentally stable it turns out she has been keeping him from coming to see me the past few weeksits my birthday today and he promised he would come but he cant cuz my biological mother wont allow him to see mei have been harbouring my suicidal tendencies the past few months but i have tried my best to keep it at bay because i know i still have my boyfriendi amclinging onto the last hope of building a future with him after finding out my biological mother is actively stopping him from seeing me it all came backplease help me i already planned to go jogging in the morning and killing myself during that time cuz i simply cant bear all this pain anymore i never felt more lonely in this world than i am after finding out the truth just now,1
mental break is going to happen i went through the askreddit thread earlier about people witnessing mental breaks and i realized halfway through that thats exactly wherei amheadingi am already starting and i knowi am going to hit it hard when it finally happens i give it a year tops lol ,1
dying xanax death i m too young i am so scared it s over,1
sometimes i think ive been in the grieving stage of every problem for my entire life my first idea about whether i wanted to kill myself happened when i was 7 years old i wanted to die by running in front of a car because i thought i was a bad person and id only get worse later on raised mormon then it returned again in my adolescence suicide was always my friend when i was feeling bad at that point had my first attempt this year now every time i have a bad day or a bad week or even a bad month i know how strong our bond was like an ex turned stalker i am now afraid of what has been my comfort for years i had no idea how much of my life ive seen it as a comfort but i think around 12 years the only time it ever came to my mind as being dangerous was after i had my first attempt until that point i had no idea how strong the urge had become i was found by a neighbor and havent checked the medical record yet to see how bad i was but i was out cold for 3 days i am still trying hard every day but some days i wish i could flee my home and live homeless doing whatever i need to do to stay alive maybe the hunger would help me contemplate hunger again and this need would fill my very empty void with the feeling of my body needing to live instead i dont know how to say this right but suicide scares the hell out of me but i feel like maybe life isnt a choice for me and i could let my hungry body find a way for me to survive instead of my hurt mindi ambipolar had an attempt and still think of it it embarrasses me so much when i still think about it even after the first time,1
what is the point in living if i cannot even imagine what happiness will look like i really have no idea what happiness will look like for me in the future as much as i say i want a relationship i know i will just be exploited because no one cares about someone unless they are after something i know a relationship is not the path to hapiness because they are temporary at best my hobby of playing on computers all day messed up my back and i had to go to a chiropractor to get reliefi amafraid to even do what i previously like to do but it was stupid to be wasting time on it anyway no one takes me serious because of it i got a worthless degree that sucks up most of my income i guess in about 8 years i wont have loans anymore but extra money cant buy happiness anyway i thought happiness would be playing video games or finding someone who makes the world seem like a decent place but neither will help me i just dont see a point in living if i wont find happiness,1
what happens if i call the emergency room my psychiatrist knows i struggle with suicide thoughts especially since ive already attempted to kill myself last april she told me if i ever felt unsafe that i would harm myself that i should try calling the suicide hotline or the emergency room i was wondering what the emergency room would even do if i call them i havent felt good at all lately and have been having thoughts of killing myself and have been thinking about calling the emergency room but i amafraid what they might do the last time i was in the er was after my attempt and being watched closely while i had a bunch of needles in me then i was put in a psych unit for a week ,1
deserve to die was terrible to my ex this happened months ago but i dated a guy for 4 months who had a lot of anger problems we didnt bring out the best in each other i ended up breaking up with him one day right after we had sexi feel like a terrible person who took advantage of someone i was so afraid to break up with him partly because he had a temper partly because i knew he would be crushed id tried to break up with him before but he begged and told me he was so lonelyalso previously an ex had a restraining order against him because he threatened her when she broke up with him and hed had the cops called on him for threatening someone else too so all that was in the back of my mindbut still nobody deserves to be broken up with right after sex i knew i was going to end it but i was a coward and an idiot and waited until the last minute kept changing my mind he texted to me later to say he felt taken advantage of i apologized again and again but i still feel so guilty and abusive i dont deserve a happy life after this ,1
easiest way so was thinking of drinking so many liters of water and hopefully i will die from overhydration because if i fail and dont die its the least likely to cause irreversible damage right the worst that can happen is a splitting headache righti dont know what the easiest way to end it all would be i just want the pain to end ,1
gathering courage what do you need the courage for,1
drama drama today i stood in the highway i made sure it was in a 90zone on a blind curve and i made sure to stand in front of the gravel patch so nobody lost control on it trying to avoid me i was almost taken out by a truckcamper combo and again by a hatchback civic both of them braked swerved one asked if i was okay i told her to fuck off she didi read posts here and it becomes tiring everyone feels so strongly they rant and rave and draw it up and spell it out and justify and compare and make doublesided selfdeprecating comments originally designed to attract pity or sympathy whilst simulataneously claiming to notthen the responses youre irreplaceable youre special youre loved etc etc or things will get better they improve youre worthy and will be redeemedmaybe yall a bunch of some fucking persistent breed of unicorn but lemme tell ya it doesnti amas special as the next whackerkid my talent whilst wellhoned is cookie cutter shit ive used to validate my existence for too many years my intelligence is a mistakenly identified obsessive streak developed to scare people out of criticizing me my energy is an unchecked anxiety disorder i treat with high 1500mg dose caffeine and assorted amphetaminesmy sweet streak isnt enough for anybody my smart isnt enough to trust my humour is appreciated from a pitypoint i just dont care maybe i will get hit by a car maybe i will die in a car accident maybe i will od on insulin or codeine or maybe i will eat a parabellum or i wont well see does anyone see their death coming last time i tried this i didnt and this time i dont either it doesnt scare me the realization is clarifying but the act itself is so much work but who remembers hard work when it was done,1
amready to end it my life has been falling apart for months my sister is successful my best friend is successful my life is trash i cant hold a job i cant hold friends hell my family is falling aparti have no money have a shit car my girlfriend went off to college 2 weeks ago and she just decided to end our relationship because it wasnt working for her no matter what i said she blew everything off yesterday my dad choked me out in the ground and i went to the police charges werent filed and my own mother wouldnt believe a word i said a family friend who witnessed it completely refuted my story i got forced out of my homeevery day has been something else fucking me up i cant think straight i cant sleep barely eat i went to a therapist and that did fuck alli amcrumblingi amready to drive my self into a brick wall and never look back i dont want to breathe i dont want to talki amready to end it i have no other way out i accept death i beg for it plead for it every day i cant go on like this anymore,1
fuck you alli amout fuck you too wait a minute,1
i deserve thisi ama bad person and i deserve to feel this wayi deserve all of this i want to die ,1
what to do when you feel like not wanting to live anymore right so to make it cleari am not going to commit suicide but i feel like i wouldnt mind someone else shooting me in the headim a tenth grader my life should be amazing there is basically no major issues in my life or the lives on my family members everything is great except i dont get to enjoy it i wear a cloak of depression and sadness or maybe anxiety all the time happy moments are few and they feel like my body just pretending to be happy they just partially distract me from my sadness i cant really think of anything else to say advice would be much appreciated,1
i am going to quit therapy and meds ive tried for years and decided life isnt for mei am not upset anymorei amoddly relieved this is the first time in a while i feel in control of whatever happens next for me i dont think this is necessarily a suicide note i just want to get my feelings out there i dont want to fight in this life anymore i simply want peace,1
lost my only good friend and going back to live with my parents i have been staying with my friend for over a month and he has been supporting me it is my first time out of my families house where i live in years in another state sadly we have many disagreements on religious views and politics and he thinks i dont want to help myself because i dont believe in his god and he is cutting me off and told me to delete his number we have been friends for 11 years and he is one of the only people who stood by my side through everything i kinda blew it though he also doesnt wanna be around my negativity and mania i am going back to live with my psycho religious cult family today the place where all my trauma startedi think i give up no point in living i cant feel anything i constantly feel dysphoric and weak and fatigued and overall very shitty i have not been getting better and medication doesnt work i tried making a gofundme page to move out of my house and get medical help but i didnt get a single donationi fcking give up i dont wana do this to my family but hopefully they will understandwhy should i continue living i do not want to be here and i cant enjoy anything,1
is it worth living to save the feelings of one person who cares about you the only reasoni am still here is because my brother just left for college hes a genius and he has a great life ahead of him and hes going to be a great engineeri amworried if i kill myself when hes only a few weeks into college it will screw him up and make him fuck up his futurethe thing is my life is just painful enough that i might do it anyway,1
wake up to see the sunrise i was sitting at starbucks today on my lunch break studying i almost always go this starbucks on my lunch break and usually get the same thing a vanilla sweet cream cold brew usually grande but this time i got a venti this random chick comes up to me and asks me something i honestly forget what she was asking me just heard something about going up to seattle she gave me this little sealed envelope about 3 x 4 with 29 written on it i tell her thanks gesturing that i would open and read it later but she insists on me opening the cardi amassuming to see my reaction on the side with the flap theres a little smiley face drawn in blue inside is a blue and grey card with the word thanks written and bordered in gold i opened the card and written inside in pen and highlighted in a light blue for a nice contrast is wake up to see the sunrise i thought about it and i knew she was waiting for me to smile i just kind of bobbed my head and thought ok i thought about it more and thought do i really want to do i really want to wake up again and see the sunrise i start to frown but then give this girl a little smirk and she kind of points to me with both hands in that there it is manneri had just been turned down for a position at my work again ive been trying to get out of this hell hole for a while now ive applied for many different positions all with no lucki am going to back to school to hopefully be admitted into a program to finally make something of my life but for now i need something to get the bills paid and have health insurancemy best friend or who i considered my best friend is refusing to talk to me calls texts all ignored i had a sinking feeling this would happen after he left we used to work together and the last time i talked to him i begged him not to forget about me and made sure we would still hang out this is coming on two months ago i was so close to this guy my heart aches when i think about itone of my other close friends i felt i could always rely on hasnt talked to me in months either she moved away quite a while ago but weve always maintained a what i though to be a good relationship even only via textive maintained very few friendships i honestly dont know why ive tried to keep in contact with people hang out with them build genuine relationships but they always seem to fall apart i have such a hard time trusting anybody now because of the most recent events in my lifemy sister is very abusive towards everyone in my family me my mom my nephew her son she only cares about herself and no one else shes seemingly always the victim never at fault can never accept any fault at all ive given up on her completely i dont know how many times i can keep thinking shell change and that shes my sister and i should try to care but i always end up getting hurtmy cousins they used to be my pillars they were my closest friends and i did everything with them i understand that they have lives of their own families of their own i just wish they would keep in touch with me more often i started to hate going to them whenever i had any problems and felt like a burden and the last time i did that really reinforced that feeling they always told me blood is thicker than water but it seems this blood has thinned completely outmy pos dad his attitude screams money can buy love hell buy his grandson my nephew my sisters son all the toys in the world but would not spend a moment playing with them with him he cannot stand to be in the same room with his family last year on my 26th birthday my mom reminded him that it was my birthday all he had to say so i dont care hes commented numerous times on howi amuseless and that i cant do anything on my own and brags about his nieces and nephews halfway around the world he can be proud of his brothers and sisters kids but not his own after a lifetime of essentially being ignored and as i got older what an asshole he really is ive pretty much cut him out of my lifemy mom one of the main reasonsi am still here today she would die from a broken heart if i were to leave her by herself i love my mom to death but i dont want to make her feel as if she failed me as a mother i dont want to make her feel like she did a shitty job raising her kids i try to do her proud by being decent with finances and being pretty selfreliant but sometimes shes just not there for me i asked her to ask her boss if i could shadow her at work and she refuses to even ask she knows that its would be so helpful to me in getting into this program but still she refuses to even ask she knows getting into this program would be lifechanging for me but still she refuses to try to help me outi dont have enough money to move out on my own or even with a roommate for that matter soi ambanking on getting into this program so i can turn my life around ive been studying nonstop day and night so i can get my mind off of things like work and home but in lurks the thought of how much better life would be if i ended minethe other night i put on some headphones put on some sad songs and poured myself some whiskey and some more and more and more with each drink i thought god let me die just let me die i hate living i crawled into bed thinking please just let me die please just let me diei woke up to see the sunrise disappointedi hope to get through this i really do i hope all of you do to i havent found whats worth living but i am trying to keep living so i can find out and i hope everyone else whos struggling here does too well all find it its just going to take some time its hard now but maintain hope even the slightest glimmer of it dont ever let that small glint of hope go out and lets all forge on,1
just had an intense car crash and absolutely ruined some guys car rni am in the hospital and just thinking about ending my life the dude said he was gonna send some of his friends after me and knowing my corrupt shit country i dont doubt him i should just kill myself now so he wont hurt anyone i care abouti ampoor and this will just make me poorer now so rip me,1
reached the end hi everyonetldr at the bottom first let me tell you about myselfi ama 26 year old guy from from sweden i am currently living and working in bucharest romania i have no contact with my family and friends back home in sweden basically the only person i have in my life is my romanian girlfriendi recently moved to bucharest from a different town in romania and my girlfriend is supposed to come join me in two weeks timeoh i forgot to say that i am a compulsive gambler gambling has flipped my life upside down many times now the first time when i was 21 i crashed my car and received a big lump sum from the insurance i went to the casino and lost it all this is where my addiction started i started pushing my family and girlfriend away i ended up stealing money from my workplace to fuel my addiction me and my girlfriend broke up one thing lead to another and i moved to ireland this was back in 2012i spent 4 years in ireland working and gambling i didnt save a cent even though i had a pretty good job 2016i amnow 25 on top of the gambling i had also become a heavy drinker things spiralled out of control i was depressed had no friends and two addictions april 2016 i stop going to work and get firedjuly 2016i amout of money and hope out of the blue i get a job offer from a company in romania they offer to fly me over and pay me a 1000euro relocation bonus i accept the offer and moveaugust 2016 i start dating a girl we are still togetherjanuaryjune 2017 it feels like i started getting out of the gambling addiction july 2017 i loose all my savings 4000euro not much in everyones eyes but i never had savings before i have to sell my computers to be able to pay for rentaugust 2017 i move to bucharest 30th august 2017 i get paid from my new job lose it all in casino2nd september 2017 3 days until rent is due i sell my playstation which would have been enough to cover my rent i headed into town after selling it i lost the money in the casino i havent told my girlfriend that i dont have money for rent and i am not planning on doing it eitherim tired of my self destructive behaviour and how it negatively effects my girlfriendtldrthis is my last weekend alive sunday or monday evening i am getting wasted and then cutting myself in the bathtub the only person who knows where i am my girlfriend is a 6 hour drive away she is the only person i have regular contact with and she is my only bright light in my life i feel bad doing this as it will affect her so badly but i think it is better for her to get rid of me kind of sad that losing 220 euro pushed me over the edge,1
tired and donei amabsolutely convinced no one cares about me nothing has gotten better ive tried and tried there is no reason for me to be here any longer i am tired of living a life that is second best no matter how much i do i always get disappointed in the end my effort towards a better life means nothing at this point,1
amjealous of people who diei am21 years old female and i have two kids 2 years old and 6 months i dont know how else to start thisi amgetting pretty close to leaving this earth i want to do it before theyre old enough to actually know me i know i wont be the mom they need anywaysi am too fucked up mentally anxiety depression god knows what elsei feel likei amlosing my mind i have these moments where nothing feels real i cant remember anything anymore anxiety about everything in public everyone looks fake i have so many intrusive thoughts about hurting myself hurting others i never ever would its just those thoughts that pop into your mind that are so incredibly fucked up i never used to be like this idk what caused this because nothing traumatic happened in the last two yearsi amjealous of people who die naturally not by their own hand they get to die without anyone getting mad at them for doing it theirselves i dont want to hurt anyone but i need to go i believe in an afterlife and it will be more beautiful than i can imagine only a few moments of discomfort and then peace finally ,1
dying dying dying i m dying i am so scared i am too young,1
dug myself into a hole and cant find my way out again thinking it may be timei am in my late 30s a two time felon on probation that is a guaranteed 10 years if i screw it up with a massive cocaine addiction and no money lefti amabout to lose both my jobs and have everything come to light i refuse to go back to prison my options are either to make a run for it or end it i dont want to die and i dont have the money to make a run for it i dont know what to do,1
teardrops of eternity distilled falls slowlywaterfall of sadness how many lifetimes ,1
having a panic attack just trying to make it to morning can someone talk with me waiting for 6 or so hours until i can see familyi am going to ask for real help i know its getting to the point that i really need it 14 story fall is looking really good right now but i amjust trying to hold out till morning can someone talk with me keep me company trying to deep breathe but hearing my own breath or voice talking myself down or meditation or netflix etc nothing is helping i just dont want to feel so alone right now but i feel like my soul is being sucked from me and literally crushed i literally feel like my soul exists and it is being crushed to death and i just need a friend or something anything just want to stop feeling like my existence is just plain and suffering and that i cant escape the hell hole that is my mind and my own thoughts please can someone chat with me,1
i dont know how much more i can take and i have a plan to commit suicide i simply am tired of suffering from this depression having to pop pills everyday all the time to try and be normal i hate suffering everyday waking up and having nothing and feeling nothing i hate this apathy that plagues me most of the time and makes me so detached from others unable to care about even the closest people i love when they die unable to shed a tear or feel anythingim just so tired of livingi see no reason to continue on ive been in and out of the hospital and even tied the intensive outpatient which was abysmal and was even told i should consider a more long term residential home that could last 6 months to 2 yearsmy plan is to finish this last school year since i agreed to be the editor in chief for the college paper and then i will probably fly to japan where i will venture into aokigahara forest to end end myself in peace i just see no reason to live and feel no desire or motivation anymore and i feel like everyone telling me i should live or that i have so much going for me and all are just holding me hostage to suffer simply because they dont want to be sad and worse i feel like i cant keep my plan that every night i think about just ending it there and i feel that way now ,1
fentanyli am going to kill myself tonight i heard its painless and feels good and then i wont be in pain anymore,1
how do i help my friend sorry if this is longso during lunch break at school today i saw my friend and i went up to him to say hi he didnt say hi back and i asked what was wrong he straight up said to me that he was depressed and wanted to commit suicide so we walked around the school during break i found out that his father died when he was young he was also abused by his mother ever since he was 3 years old he told me that his mother said that she didnt love him you can even see the scars on his body from the beatings he got from his mother his brother is a witness people never believed him when he said he was abused and depressed which caused it to get worse he said he is to the point where he doesnt think theres no hope he doesnt believe in god the air force was the place he wanted to go to because it would be a quick death his older brother died in the army he tells me that everyday he holds a gun to his head and thinking about pulling the trigger he has a quick temper and has done some bad things in the past no one understands him and all the younger kids thinks hes cool because of the things he does if someone pulled a gun on him he wouldnt flinch he said that on his 18th birthday that he was going to shoot himself in front of his mother i just dont know what to do hes went through many counselings and he tells me that it just feels like they dont help and theyre only there for the money can someone give me any advice on how to help him i really dont want to read high school student commits suicide in front of mother in the news knowing that i could have done something about it,1
i am at the point of giving up because people and their crab mentality and being empty in a psychological and mental sense for quite this long is unhealthy i have already been empty on the inside for a long time now still a miracle that i have lasted for this long parents who were the source of my problems asked me once more what i wanted to do in life and thinking that they have changed told them that i wanted to go back to living a normal life now and asked them on their part to keep their word of not interfering because the damages that they had done have been alot and some are beyond repairable like the previous times i had asked them but they broke their word and i overheard them talking to each other secretly saying that for my brothers to live and to be pulled out of the rut that they made themselves my future should be sacrificed completely i have never been this quite confused and perplexed already knew what i wanted in life but people keep on pulling me down and telling me that its just a phase of mine and continue to say awful things about me towards people and such awful things happened years ago ,1
i cant bear the pain anymore i just want the pain to stop i want to kill myself so bad i cant see a future for myselfi am16 and life isnt worth it anymore i cant see whats ahead of me i only see darkness everyday i wake up and its the same its the same pain i wish i was smart i wish i was pretty i wish i was enough for myself to want to stay i wish i could die its not like anything good will ever happen to me i just want to feel happy tomorrow i will hope its going to better but then it wont be its this endless cycle i want it to get better i really do but my life just keeps falling apart i havent been happy for more than 5 minutes i havent feel content in forever whats triggering me right now its with school mostly ap chemistry and and this guy i feel like hes leading me on i know he has no interest in me why do i keep trying i know hes going to cancel on me next weekend it would be a miracle if he didnt i try so hard in ap chemistry too and i still dont get an a i get a fucking 81 b overall and a c on the tests i got an a in honors chemistry last year but my teacher made a mistake recommending me and believe me i tryi amsick of trying everything in life i just give up these arent the only two things that make me want to die more now than usuali amuglyi amstupid i have no talent i want to be a doctor but thats just a bust sure if you see my transcript its a 39 unweighted but i dont even want to say what i got on the psat who knows what i will get on the sat or acti am not gonna get accepted to a good college not even med schooli am going to be homeless in the future no one likes me no one loves me i dont think any of my friends or family would really care if i was gone all i do is burden everyone i cant remember the last time i told someone good news i have never had a period in my life where i was happy i have never had that moment where ive gotten better the universe hates me god hates me everything bad always happens to me my mom had 2 miscarriages before me i was probably suppose to be the third i think this is why the universe keeps throwing shit my way its because death is my destinyi ammeant to kill myself they say people regret it if they try or they become relieved if they dont i seriously still have not looked back and thoughti am so glad i didnt kill myself that day i think why didnt i kill myself back then,1
ifi amgonna die anyway let it be by my own hand i used to use throwaways for stuff like this but fuck it who gives a shit anymore i figured that ifi am going to die anyway id rather choose when and how to die instead of rotting away until some force comes to take me away what with the history of cancer in my family its likely that the way i die isnt going to be any less painful than hanging myself or overdosing on my depression meds anyway and itll probably take less time so its a winwin really i cant really envision a peaceful natural death for myself to begin with so its either i willness or an accidentor an alternative where i choose my own pathim tired of being worried over my health and i amsick of worrying over everything else i dont want to stay at work for some bullshit job when a few years down the line i will be rotting in a coffin anyway might as well make it quick i dont care what i misseven if i win the lottery tomorrow i wont be taking that money with me when i die even if i meet the love of my life tomorrow were all headed for the shitter at the end of the day its time to peace out,1
i keep making mistakes and this time it cost me my pets life i feel guilt ive never felt before exactly 2 years ago my girlfriend and i got 5 kittens from the street they were all very sick but we nursed them back to health and found homes for 3 of themwe kept 2 of them and they became inseparable along with my girlfriends cat dexter was bigger than the other cats since little and therefore no one wanted him but he grew up to be the sweetest cat ive ever hadhe was 15 lbs and never ever scratched us he would always sleep next to my girlfriend and was just an overall sweet gentle big catthe thing is he would sometimes breathe weirdly and we didnt pay much attention to it 4 days ago he became very i will and we took him to the vet right away apparently there was some sort of weird bacteria growing close to his lungs and heartnow i dont think this is what killed him both my girlfriend and i think he was too stressed and the vet didnt wait long enough for him to calm down before putting a syringe in him to take the liquid out in the end he died right on my hands even though they had told us less than 5 mins prior that he would be okay to be taken to a 24 hour emergency vet he died of stress in my hands and i cant get the image outi cant help but feel like i failed an innocent creature whose life depended on me i lost one of my best friends in a car accident in which i was driving in 2011 guy crashed into us and this brings back memories i cant help but feel like i keep messing up at life that little cat was a beautiful creature and i know this might all sound dramatic to some of youbut i just feel like such a failure,1
want to die cannot feel happiness so jealous of the dead and no one cares why dont you just get helpi have asked thousands upon thousands of times family friends asked them all shrugs and crickets call me if you ever need to talk and when i doi amuh sort of busy now every timeno job no social life no life at all i am in so much pain my heart hurts no it literally hurts it feels like the rock has it in a headlock it hurts so much that i cant move and you want me to exercise seriously you look so good what did you do what did i do ive stopped eating thats what ive done you seriously think a 32 year old man looks good at 120 pounds why does it take so long to die from starvationi amtaking in like 200 calories a day and i am still alive whyno one cares they know ive been diagnosed with depression schizophrenia and bipolar disorder and yet they get pissed off when i dont play along i just want to die no granny i dont have a girlfriendi amgay but since youre such a braindead homophobe you havent noticed no dadi am not getting a car i have no job what am i going to buy a car with ive driven with you before and we almost died no you dont remember because you were drunk and mom lol i literally do not know who my mother isreport my ass to someone fuck iti am so done with this let me die i dont want any of this if god exist i hope i see him when i die so i can spit in his face,1
why is suicide not okay i want to die a lot i have been suicidal since i was seven and have had a few attempts since i was 18 people always tell me it gets better but thats such bs it hasnt it wont why isnt it okay for people to kill themselves whether it be from religious groups or caring people why is it not okay if a person is miserable and in pain every day of their life constantly wanting to die even when theyre happy wouldnt it be cruel to pressure them into staying alive or saving them after they attempt suicide only once did i feel grateful for surviving my most dangerous suicide attempt drug induced heart attack that feeling lasted for two days before i began wishing i was dead again dying prevents things from getting better oh yea well dying also prevents things from getting worse i dont want to risk staying alive for me just to feel worse i hate being alive i hate being here i just want to die i want to kill myself but i amscared i will fuck up again cuz peope will save me and then my family and i wil have to face the bills of being saved ive been on this planet for 25 years and 18 of it has been me wanting to die things wont get better i will never be normal or content or happy without these stupid thoughts in my head ive seen help and ive been pushed away for being too severe of a case ive been on meds but then my insurance stopped covering the ones that work for me i dont care that i have friends or a boyfriendi amjust going to lose them eventually anyway,1
i did a terrible thing today now my fianc is going to leave me and i will be alone my future is fucked my life is in shambles and i just want it all to be over why is it that once i get up the courage to finally do this people come at me saying they love me and they need me ,1
starting to feel suicidal hello everyone long post i will try to hit up a tldr at the enddont know how to approach this i did have a very dramatic and depressive phase back when i was about 17 all throughout 20 or so i was in a relationship that was extremely emotionally taxingi am an emotional guy fell in love with someone and wanted to marry said person like any teenager would say probably i attempted suicide once by swallowing a bunch of pills not one second after i did that i started feeling regret and forced myself to throw up all of it that was thenthat relationship ended i started another one some time later during my mid 20s girl was in her late teens relationship was perfect for me she was the prefect girl we had a falling out about a year and half into our relationship i broke up with her because of the fact that i was under a lot of emotional stress and she wasnt there on a very specific event regarding someones death because we had had a silly fight before bad decision on my behalf i know during those months apart i hooked up with some chick nothing serious and we didnt have sex only fooled aroundtwo months after our breakup she called me we started seeing each other again i told her there was someone i was seeing during that time but that was that we got back together after a month and a half of seeing one another again for the past 2 years things were really nice she was a tad bit colder lately but shes been taking medication doctors warned us that the medicine would affect her behaviour and just finished college and got a job that is very time demanding i understood thatout of the blue she called me and broke up with me not too long ago she said she doesnt feel the same way and hasnt been able to overcome what happened two years ago shes a really honest person shes not your average girl shes very oldschool too before me she hadnt even kissed anyone and during the almost 4 year long relationship she didnt want to have sex as she wanted to save herself for marriage which i understoodthis broke my heart i love her and even planned on proposing this very month but thats not the only thing i have had decentlypaying jobs achieved several stuff at work and gained recognition amongst the high end personnel that said i hated every single job and quit a couple of months ago to do some soulsearchingi spent two months depressed not because i didnt have a job but because i cant find what is it that i want to do i had no motivation i told her i felt down all the time except when i was around her income is not an issue i have a substancially large amount of savings in the bank if i were to live off barely minimums i could probably sustain myself for 3 or 4 years before having to work again money is not the issuei just feel i have nothing left i asked her to reconsider to spend a week together thinking about stuff before making a decision she said she didnt know if that was a good idea and said shed think about it but decided to stay bf and gf until the decision was made that was wednesday afternoon we agreed we wouldnt talk to one another until she decided to give her time to think she hasnt answered so farthis is killing me i feel like the only thing that is keeping me here is the fact that theres a 01 chance shell decide not to break up i feel pathetic never did i thought id be so emotionally dependant on someone but i feel like i have nothing else the one thing i loved and was sure of is leaving me i dont want to kill myself i just want to be dead if i knew about a 100 efficient method that was quick and painless trust me id be making the necessary preparationstldr professional crisis depression coupled with longtime girlfriend who i was gonna propose to this month leaving me for a fight we had 2 years ago has lead me to contemplate suicide i feel like killing myself even thoughi am not financially or socially estranged havent felt this way since i was a teenager almost 10 years go worst sensation ive experienced in my life,1
i just spent the last few hours trying to get ahold of multiple 247 suicide prevention chats nobody was available this made me realize multiple things some logical and some not two being if they are that busy then i am really not alone in this and two that theres no hope or help for me is someone willing to talk to me right now please ,1
i dont get the point of lifei am going to start this post by saying thati am really high and sad and this will probably be a ramble and not formatted well asi amon mobilei am18 with nothing but a handful of cheap clothes and 1 set of already too old contacts for my vision i still have another 2 weeks before my first paycheck and another month before my first big one my only place to live is with my girlfriend and she knows that so she treats me like shit knowing i cant leave i treat her like a princess to not get kicked out yet i still get accused and yelled at for always ruining our relationship everytime we have sexi amalways doing things for her and we have days were i dont cum while i put in the time to satisfy her in multiple ways she doesnt trust me and always thinksi amcheating ori am going to cheat just because i use to mess around a lot before we got togetheri amhonestly at the point where i want to break up with her but i cant handle the consequences i havent been this depressed in a whilei ammore depressed now than my last suicide attempt yet somehow i havent genuinely considered it its just that its hard for me to see a future for myself i always fuck up my own life i fuck it up and i amokay with it i do things i know are going to make my life harder and i tell myself its what i want just to please someone elsei am so nice to everyone in hopes that good karma will come back i always said one more year one more year and that karma will come back yet no one has ever showed me the love that i give to every single person in my life how do you meet new people where do you find chill ass people i dont know whyi ameven writing this i guess i just need people to talk to idk,1
everyday when i wake up my first thought is how much i want to blow my head open with a shotgun i have no friends i havent had a girlfriend in over a year i feel like a ghost floating around the world unable to make contact with anyone sometimes i fantasize about blowing my head off in class or other public places where it would be forever burned into strangers memories does anyone else understand this feeling,1
all my friends are in a shitty place and i cant help two of my only good friends are really depressed cutting themselves etc and i amhorribly socially awkward as well as mildly depressed even over text and feel completely useless when it comes to supporting them or encouraging them i guess this isnt exactly the right sub or whatever but i dont want to bother doing the research to find the right one i jut dont know what to do,1
anxiety is going to kill me hello i havent posted on here before but i amdriven to get a few things off my chest before i go crazyi amhaving another anxiety attack i am basically in a constant anxious state there is not a day that goes by thati am not struggling with what if this happens or what if the worst happens down the road i cant take this anymoremy chest hurts as i write this i am on the brink of crying again which i did a few hours ago for about a half an hour45 mins i cant live in the moment like everyone tells me to i tell myself over and over again theres nothing to worry about right now everything is fine within this moment which is counseling ive given people before yes i used to be a counselor ive saved at least one life in the 5 12 years i worked in the field suicide preventionsubstance abuse but evidently i cant help myselfi just want to sleep but i cant i just want to stay home from work but i cant i just want to go hiking on the trails near my apartment but i cant i just want to draw but i cant nothing is making me happy everything is just dragging me right back into anxiety again its never been this bad before i just want to sleep relax and be worryfree i cant i dont know what to do,1
give me one reason no one gives a shit anymore ivve done this so many times the meds dont work and they never will ive just been lying to myself all alonggive me one good reason to stay alive my mind is racing and i cant think of anything i anct do this anymore,1
i wish i could just die why,1
been depressed for so long as the title says ive been depressed for so long lost the love of my life in danger of losing my job ive always thought of suicide of a option of an easy way out but now i see it as my only route i lost all my real life friends everything i try to do doesnt make me happy anymore losing all my emotions i cant even fake smile in front of everyone anymore i ended up talking to someone on snapchat seeing if i could cheer up then today i ended up having a dream of me killing myself i dont know whats holding me back anymore i tried my best seeking help but instead of asking for help i only end up saying the words they hate i knowi ama despicable human thanks for whoever is reading this i was planning to just end it on my birthday which is october 21st soi am trying to find things that make me happy again ,1
amabout to take all the lithium i have i am right on the edge everything in my life has changed this year and i simply opt not to deal with it anymore its all too much i have a whole lot of lithium and its a drug that gets toxic very quickly above a therapeutic dosei amready to go,1
i think its time to finally leave on my own terms ive come here to put into words the things that have been in my mind for as long as i can remember i feel selfish saying these things all throughout my life the only one true friend i have had is my horse through my school years and through college i only have had my horse who knew all my secrets and everything about me ever since he died 7 years ago i felt a part of me has died along with him and since then all ive done is exist ive not felt true happiness in this time ever again and the only reason i havent ended it yet is that i feel guilty for who i leave behind i feel my life has no value whatsoever and that my presence would not be missed every night i go to sleep i pray that i dont wake up but unfortunatelyi am still here it is sad i know but the only two things that have kept me going are my current horse and taylor swifts music but even then i feel an overwhelming hollow in my life and would sooner it be over,1
not really sure where to go from here not really sure whyi amposting maybe just to vent anyway ive been struggling for years now but always managed to keep my head just above water until recently earlier this year i lost a close friend to suicide and my first reaction was envy that he was able to go through with it when i never was i went a bit off the rails after that lost my job my drinking got out of control cheated on my boyfriend while black out drunk and eventually ended our 9 year relationship because he said he couldnt drown with me anymore i had to move back in with my family which was never going to be the best for my mental health 3 people with bipolar under one roof anyway the downward spiral continued and last night i got scared because i was ready to finally kill myself i wrote out the note and planned it all out but in a brief moment of clarity i decided to go to the hospital and try and get help one last time they werent particularly helpful i guess because i hadnt actually made an attempt so they sent me home but not before calling my mum and discussing things i assumed i had told them in confidence anyway my mum said she couldnt handle it and left and didnt come home all night and all day today when i got out of bed today a family friend was waiting for me saying that mum couldnt handle an adult child who needed her so much and that i wasnt able to live with her moving forward the family friend offered to take me in if i couldnt find anywhere else to go i was at a bit of a loss because i really dont want to live with this family friend its not the healthiest environment and its quite far away from wherei amliving now but i have nowhere else to go i called my ex for some perspective because we still have a good friendship but his reaction was to lash out at my mum for not looking after mei am so sick of feeling like everyones burden ive alienated all of my friends theyre amazing people and trying so hard to keep up with me but they just dont understand mental i willness and get frustrated that i keep repeating self destructive behaviours so one by one theyre dropping off my friends cant do it anymore my ex cant do it anymore and now my mum cant do it anymore either finding it pretty hard to find reasons not to just end it now i used to justify to myself that if i killed myself it would be too painful for my family and friends and thats what always stopped me but now i think it wouldnt be so bad to free them all of me,1
just thoughts i think ive come to my final decision as much as i want to kill myself believe me i do as much as i want to join you and be with her for all of eternity as much as i 100 want to die kill myself and forever spend eternity with you i cant i cant knowingly put my family my friends the people that would be effected by my suicide i cant knowingly put them through the tsunamis of pain the mental earthquakes that has shaken me to the core that has destroyed the pillars of support that held me togetherthe ones that your decision sent my way the ones that cause me to be completely and utterly terrified of waking up in the morning because i know i have to spend another day knowing she isnt here on this earth knowing that she isnt alive anymore that she is dead the ones that cause me to stop breathing for moments on end the ones that cause my mind to go numb the endless waterfall of tears and the darkness that envelopes my mind when i think about your death your suicide the decision that has led my life to spiral since your death the one that have led me to coming to the brink of taking my own life as well in hopes of joining you in hopes of being with you again i will forever spend my life wishing i had taken my life during the times i could have wishing that i had made that step when i had the choice no matter how wrong i thought your choice was no matter how much i know i could have given you the help you needed no matter how much i resent your decision for not only not telling me about this decision but also for following through with it yet i could never resent you i could never resent the loving caring loyal and beautiful soul that was wrongfully blanketed in darkness the one that hated herself and felt that she was only living for the sake of others the one that couldnt see the beauty and perfection of which i saw the kindness and goodness of your heart that your clouded eyes could not see i can only say i am truly happy that you are not living this life you hate the life which others corrupted and destroyed the life you never deserved but was forcefully given it the one that caused you astronomical amounts of pain and misery to the point where you could not see an escape i am glad you dont have to suffer anymore because i love you because i love you more than words could even express so i have decided i will harbour your pain i will spend hours trying to fall asleep but eventually waking up in the early hours of the day crushed by your absence i will spend every waking moment in sadness in despair grieving over your loss i will spend every time i wake up fucking exhausted and cowering in fear that i am not living a nightmare but a reality without you in it i will spend my life in hopes forever in love with you forever wishing you told me forever wishing i had been able to save you forever forcing myself to march on no matter how much i want to join you i will wake up everyday in hopes that i will die today in hopes that i will finally join you i am not saying that your decision is selfish because its not you were in so much pain and misery that you couldnt stand it anymore however knowing the effects that a decision like yours can cause i cannot do it it will never be goodbye just a see you soon just a brief break till we meet again forever yours forever my love nc ,1
i cant going in and out of a suicide ward every other week is not a life worth living nothing ever changes nothing makes me smile nothing matters to me anymore i wanted helping people to make it worth it allbut is cant even help myselfi am in a room with no doors with one wall open to the abyss to freedom if i knew this was how i would end upi am not sure would have lasted beyond 15 i could have been remembered as that girl that loved to run in the forest and helped the old men smoke fish even if they didnt really need any help but no i lived on to try to end my life at age 29 and again at 30 i never felt thati am so glad i didnt die that so many failed suicidees talk about my first conscious thoughts after the second attempt was fuck no i really dont want to feel like this anymore everyday is worse than the last the pressure over the chest heavier everyday i feel i know how this will end and i feel terrible for the people i will fail the effort to even think and not just stare into the void is almost unbearable i remember nothing i find notes ive written myself i have no memory of nothing feels reali am not even sure anyone of you is real how could ii am not real myselfive tried it all 67 kinds of medication many therapists and psychiatrists meditation exercised my whole life and on and on and oni know another person i still actually care about would do the same if i did this and that hurts a fucking lot but i just cant stand this anymore i have nothing more to give,1
i cant take it i cant take it anymorei ama 17 year old fucking retard with no friends or loved ones all i do is sit on my ass the whole day playing video games i cant take it i need real friends i need something someone i cant do this whole internet friend bullshit anymore i need someone to hold me someone who i can touch i need something i cant take it anymore,1
what do you guys do when depressed what do you guys do to distract yourselves when extremely depressed,1
dont know what to do anymore well my mom is terrible shes moody and dont give a fuck about anything but her bf i have younger sister shes 9 and she has everything she wants i know shes little and its ok well not really my mother is divorced with father of my sis hes alcoholic and they give my sister everything because the dont want to be the worse parent but thats not really what i wanted to talk about my mother dont believe that depression is something important ive bee dealing with it for quite long time but she always says that i only make it up for attention this would be kinda ok but theres this i dont drink alcohol smoke nor take drugs i have normal grades in school and i dont really go out no friends so pretty good child right not for my mother she will find every little thing that i did or didnt do and will scream at me hit me in the face and stuff like this i have a bf we are together more than year and she likes to talk really bad about him in front of me i totally adore this boy and she knows it it may seem like its nothing but its just too much for me keep in mindi am not 18 yet i thought about suicide a lot lately but i dont want to hurt my bf i dont give a fuck about my mother anymore i can say i pretty much hate her edit my bf said he doesnt want to have anything to do with her anymore same here boy same here,1
i feel like being such an ignorant i have no idea what to expect of this post but i seriously just want to post this and sort of get it out of my head ive been thinking of suiciding for some time now and it has really gotten worse to be honest when i am all alone and walk around in the kitchen i often catch myself imagining me just taking whatever tool and ending it just like that and ofc ive tried to find the easiest and least painful way to do it i just cant i cant stand the thought of ruining my familys lives just because i dont feel happy at all most of the time id rather feel like living a hell but there are moments in which i just feel like snapping and go ignorant ending it there is absolutely no doubt that if i didnt have a family or any friends i would end it all i seriously dont want to talk about this to anyone i know or generally anyone in person i dont want to be treated differently because of it i have been thinking about calling a suicideline but i find it so odd to call them up and be like hi i feel like commiting suicide the only reason i post this here is because you cant see me or judge me i can just hide behind this screen ,1
i dont know for much longer i can keep this up i feel likei am going crazy and the temptations are growing strongeri amjust so sorry,1
did something greedy immoral selfish i was attempting to restore a wooded area overgrown with invasives i cleared the invasive species and a forester came in and told me to girdle kill without cutting down undesirable trees i blindly listened and did it now i see the dead trees and i feel like an awful human being i did plant thousands of tree seedlings in their place over 5000 but heavy summer rain weeds and deer have wiped many of them out what eats at me is the fantastic foolish greed that would drive one to remove native undesirable healthy trees in place of better trees in the woods how could i have listened to this advice two of these undesirable trees were 50 years old many were 15 30 years old now i find myself stuck in a toxic cycle of rumination doubt anxiety and self critique some of the dead trees are in view of the neighbors and i amfearful that they know what i did i also feel tremendous guilt for affecting their view of the woods i have been working to clean these dead trees up and split them for fire wood i have hand split 6 truckloads thus far,1
guys i think its time i just wanna be gone bye reddit,1
panicking over spilling gas on street godi am not thinking anything through in my life now i filled my lawnmower with gasoil mix instead of oil and waaaaay too much that particular lawnmower isnt working right now and ive been using another to cover up the damage i was about to use carburetor cleaner to repair it but realized i had a ton of it left in the system like a fucking idiot i emptied it out less than a gallon onto the street right next to our house in fact nowi ampanicing literally that my parents will notice it and that it is a pernament stain on our block i dont know what to fuking do because i suspect it cant be removed but this is making me very very worried,1
i finally figured it out i think ive been ready to die for a very very long time i can remember a time back when i was 12 years old and i was watching the 4400 with my mom and older brother there was this episodei am sorry i cant be more specific it was a decade back where people had created a shot that could be given to normals and they had exactly a 5050 shot if either getting superpowers or dropping dead both my mother and brother debated while the credits rolled each determining that even for the chance at getting some amazing powers they wouldn t want to risk losing their lives i said something along the lines of but it s a win wither way you can either join the 4400 or you don t have to live anymore i still remember the looks on their faces i think it was the first time i started to think of myself as a freaki m 23 years old and i fucking hate myself i think all people are inherently valuable from that which they bring into the world and people around them how does one measure a person by their impact and for as long as i can remember i have found myself lacking i am truly ugly a round face and dank hair and a potato of a body that trips and stumbles and brushes into other people without their consent or desire i m weak emotionally and physically couldn t fight to save my life and wouldn t have the strength of mind to do it anyhow i m manipulative so many people look at me and think that i am a good sweet thing that only smiles and offers lame jokes and loves life when in fact i detest living with every particle of my being and am able to fool everyone i know just by acting like anything matters to me when i am in fact growing more and more certain that nothin nothing nothing does at all i ve always unerringly thought myself a fine actress and the fact that no one around me known enough of my turmoil to think that my jokes about can t wait to die might just be real really proves it i m stupid and in a field where i will never bring discernible contribution to the world around me other than serving people who like myself don t give a shit about me i m sick and twisted and lost in memories and halffuckingcrazy i am a liar and a thief and some dietform of a sociopath i m grayson and i hate myself for a long time i was able to convince myself that maybe just maybe killing myself wouldn t be the best idea i tried telling myself all of the usual things my job will need me my family will be devastated my friends will miss me there are so many things to look forward to it gets better white noise in my ears anymore my job doesn t need me i love what i do and once imagined myself doing it forever but let s face it it doesn t take a genius to check people into a hotel or manage budgets or plan parties i see coworkers getting promoted all around me with less experience and less time in the industry and less or no education and it just reinforces to me over and over and over again that i m not really hot shit at my job i m not going to do anything amazing or make waves i ll just be in my entrylevel position for another three years working my ass off and still just not being good enough because desire and ambition don t make it in this world connections and talent do neither of which i have i am at the point where i have managed to convince myself that my family would understand why i did whatever it is i am going to do my father was once suicidal and he survived by the skin of his teeth and made a change for the better in his life and then he had my siblings and spawned me into this world i was never a very good daughter the kind that my mother wanted and needed but my little sister is there to help her through any loss she might feel in my death and god my little sister she s perfect beautiful and smart and kind and funny and hardworking she s going places and we all take pride in her every move i like to think that she would be understanding about what happened maybe a little sad but knowing that i am worth more to a world i am not in than one i am consistently fucking up my older brother doesn t even know me anymore hasn t been interested in me for a long long time my little brother well we love eachother but he s a very sensible person logical almost to a fault he can understand that there is no point in living if you re not going to do anything worthwhile with the gift you ve been given truthfully i think that the only ones i have any doubts about are my niece and nephew i love the hell out of them but they are so very young sweet and impressionable and innocent when i m gone it ll only take a few years before they forget auntie grayson and it will be better that way life is always better without me i have three best friends in the world one of them uses me clearly and obviously because i gratify her need for attention i d be of better use to her dead because then she can revel in being the mourning friend of that dead girl my second best friend is a strong woman married and independent and tough as nails she was fine before i came into her life and she ll be fine long after i m gone my last best friend my oldest and most important well about a year ago she booted me our of her life and told me she was better with me gone and really she was the minute i was gone she found a better job managed to get engaged and bought a house we re friends again now had a weepy reunion and all that bullshit but there s a hollowness there that was never acknowledged before i mean she clearly excelled when i was driven from her life me ducking out now can only help her further i am a bad person i am toxic and shallow and wrong i wish sometimes that someone would come and just beat the shit out of me so i could feel as if maybe just a little bit i am making headway on the punishment i need but i ve been unlucky enough to avoid anything akin to thati ve started to realize that life doesn t get better i am 23 years old have a good job and a boyfriend of more than a year that i love i am almost done with schooling and i feel nothing i google is it okay to want to die and why is my presence a blight upon this world i drink sometimes and it helps me sleep i take burning hot showers because the tingles on my skin make me feel like someone is toughing me like maybe i am being held and sub sequentially held back but nothing i keep trying to rationalize my existence i believe that everything happens for a reason and i have done some good in my life a drop in the bucket but there s really nothing more i can contribute to anyone and i feel like my death is the next step what is the point in hanging around if my purpose has been fulfilled and more to the point my life ending would benefit the people i care about a good great deal my family and friends would receive the benefit of my years of savings and frugality my brother would have a completely paidfor apartment for another year and all of my clothes and things could go to people who would actually appreciate them to people who need them and want them and care some people i think just aren t meant to be alive some of us are mistakes and we need to correct mistakes i think i ve made up my mind to kill myself it is not because i ve had a bad life or because anyone pushed me into it for once this is something i m doing all on my own and for once it is something good i feel so at peace knowing that i finally made a choice i don t know when or how though i imagine soon and i hope with a gun i ve had a living will and a life insurance policy for some time and all i really need to do is decide whether or not to leave a note i don t think i will i don t want people to remember me i m not sharing this to get advice or people telling me not to do it i just wanted to be honest just this one time and tell someone what i am really thinking what i am really feeling and god do i feel light thank you for your time better luck next time ,1
please help me i cant take this anymore its gotten way worse than ever after my recent failed suicide attempt i cant do it anymore its as if my body wont even let me die its torturing me every moment of my life is spent thinking about ending this torment take my body take anything from me just please help me run away from that country or please i wish i was dead i dont know how to do this anymore its hopeless ,1
i dont know who i am any more i remember when i was younger i used to be happy and have fun i dont know what happened to the old me but here i am no friends or social life i have no talents or hope of a career i dont know who i am any more,1
loneliness ive struggled with depression and loneliness my whole life ive been estranged from family members since i moved from the east coast to ca at age 17 currently i do not have any close friends i have not felt interested in dating or able to trust anyone on that level in well over a year fundamentally i feel the problem is with myself and that i am unlovable unworthy and incapable of sustaining relationships ive tried many strategies and therapies over the years but none has provided sufficient change or reliefcurrentlyi amon a oneweek vacation from work and i do not look forward to returningi ama registered nurse and although it feels good at times wheni amable to do something well andor be helpful to my patients there are various factors which make it not feel worthwhile the most significant is that i dont fit in with coworkers and its hard to remain pleasant and friendly while i am painfully aware thati amexcluded from the clique another factor is that i work for a large hospital corporation whose primary goal is to extract as much labor as possible resulting at times in unsafe patient loads i dont really blame them for this but it can take a toll on my motivation and energy level overall what really takes a toll when providing care for people who are extremely sick is that i dont have anyone who cares for me to help me replenish myself my mind and body are not as sharp to respond quickly to lifethreatening emergencies when depression and loneliness eat away at me on a daily basis ive been making plans to move back to the area where i went to college as it is the only place ive felt any degree of acceptance friendship and lovei amhere at the moment but feel discouraged and lonelier than ever property values which have always been high have doubled and tripled in the 3 years ive been away the properties i arranged gosees for are horrible irl and have many hidden fees i lost touch with the friends i had or they have moved elsewherewhat feels like the final straw in this bundle of loneliness is that my dog whom i adore and has never left my side since i adopted him last winter now just ignores me since ive been here and prefers the personi amstaying with he used to seek me out for attention and cuddles and in those moments i was truly happy it feels unbearable to lose that too i have other more fundamental issues and fears that are too primal and vulnerable to put in writing on a public forum so ive stuck to these more basic superficial and describable grievancesi am not seeking advice by posting here nor do i hold much hope for support or kindness from internet strangers on reddit but i do feel calmer having named the most acute sources of my despair and loneliness and in fact a tiny bit less lonely so for that i appreciate this forum and anyone who takes the time to read thank you,1
whats the point of staying alive to suffer 99 of life just for 1 of pleasure,1
insult to injury last week in a moment of severe pain i posted on social media about how hard life has been for me lately a couple of people responded with general messages of supporthang in there sorry to hear this one person who responded was a former classmate of mine shes really nice and we got along well she asked how she could help and i said that i could use someone to talk to she said i could message her any time it was late that night so i wrote to her the following morning the conversation was disappointing i let her know some of the problems ive been having and she just seemed to not be listening she was like everyone else just saying hang in there it hurt i felt like i was wasting her time i dont now why she offered to talk to me when she didnt care we only ended up exchanging a few messages until she dropped out of the conversation that was last week today i reached out to her again to let her know how things were goingi had taken some steps during the week to work on some of the problems that i had she didnt respond later i found out that she had been in the same city as me today i feel very hurt that she was here and never mentioned itdidnt reach out or make plans when she knowsi amhaving a hard time and i dont have anyone around me shes the only person i have to talk to and she doesnt want to talk to me i know a professional would be better but i dont have the money for that and i need someone to talk to in general not just about mental health things i dont have any friends shes the closest thing to it she is nice and caring but i just dont matter to her i dont want to live this experience is the last disappointment i could take i knowi am worthless but this tenuous connection was the only bit of hope i had left maybe if i could have had a conversation with somebody the pain would have alleviated a little i will always be alone and i cant deal with that pain anymore ,1
i finally have no one to talk to i moved out of my hometown about a year ago and getting used to a new lifestyle and making friends has been hard the worst part is i had a girlfriend back home whom i had just started to date and i had to explain to her that i will be back one day and i know its hard but we have to try for a while it wasnt too bad its a long distance but i still managed to visit but these past months have been full of confusion and lack of communication that leads to more and more arguing we both have depression in our own ways and it affects us differently we were so good together i never saw myself with anyone else and i amsure she felt the same but recently shes taken an whole 180 on me and i dont know who she is anymore she gets so cold on me and rarely replies to my messages i tell her that i love her and thati amalways here for her and all i get back is a thank youuu ive never done so much for one person and its all falling apart and i dont know why i dont know if she simply doesnt care about me anymore or if theres someone else involved ive been suspicious for a while now this relationship meant everything you me and now its hanging by a thread despite my desperate attempts to talk about it and fix it on top of that i pay my moms rent work a job that makes me hate everything i dont have plans for the future or much money i just honestly hate myself ive never considered suicide until now but i dont want anyone to know right away i wish i could just disappear to save me the guilt i dont have anymore intentions of going on my only friend was my soon to be ex,1
i want to die more than anything i dont know why i feel like this every day i do not deserve to feel like this constantly i want to die so bad i hate every single thing about myself i pray to die every single day and the only time i will ever be truly happy is when i am dead there is no string of words in the entire english language to express how badly i want to stop existing i would give everything i have ever owned for someone to kill me,1
why cant i just go back ive posted here before sorry for being so needyi want to go back to around this time last year not to change anything just to be able to be a little bit happy again ive made progress in transitioning but ive lost almost everything important to me in the process and i hate it if i could have just a tiny bit of joy in my life then why cant i now that ive made progress in changing my life for the better it makes no sensetheres so much that ive gained this year starting my transition finding new forms of entertainment finishing required classes for my major but if i could just repeat those classes that time over and over and over again i would the professor was the best person ive ever met and i made more friends during one semester than i ever made before or sinceand now as soon as those classes were over they left every single one of them the first people in my life i truly treasured from the bottom of my heart gone in a flash ive attempted suicide twice since then and i wish i succeededi know its nonsense to hope for something good to come out of suicide but i dont see any other way to be happyi am an emotionally unstable wreck with nobody and nothing if nothing else maybe it would make people look at me see me i wish someone would realize that they cared but the only people in my life are those who have already forgotten and those who would forget about me within a few monthsso what do i do do i continue even thoughi amdying inside or do i just get it over with ive heard it gets better so many times why hasnt anything changed but its stupid that i would expect it to after only a few monthswhat am i doing with my life i just want attention its so shallow why should i care but even if its abusive attention its better than nothing my family all say they love me but why dont they reach out within 30 minutes of my second suicide attempt noone checked up on me or even messaged me my sister and two of my brothers never said anything at all my other brother talked for me for a few minutes after i reached out because he wasnt busy at the time my parents just wanted me to go to the hospital so they could go to the gym instead of looking after me whats wrong with me why am i so worthless what did i do even as a child i was literally forgotten until i pestered someone for a few minutes of them caringwhats up with the double standard whenever my siblings succeed theyre praised and celebrated when i do the same or better i get a oh well good job then my mother told me that she had a miscarriage of a female baby between my older brothers twins and mei ammtf trans why would you tell me thatbecause i excelled academically i graduated high school early when my brothers were 18 my parents had them start paying rent since theyd graduated and could move out i had to start paying at 16 i need that money to transition i cant afford a lot of the stuff i need anywayi made all sorts of stupid outrageous promises just to get people to look at me for a little while now i have to keep them i dont want to but at least that way someone might look at me praise me for a little whileim lost i want to try to od again i understand that i will feel better in the morning but that just feels fake i dont want to be fake like that id rather die than deceive myselfshould i stop taking my medications at least the voices in my head and the people who werent there would pay attention to me at least there was somebody who would talk to me do i want to lose myself like that do i want to risk that i might kill someone without realizing whati am doing i dont know i guess i might as well try it before i kill myself but i dont want to waiti dont even know whyi amposting this i guess for some attention again,1
amjust tired hi this is maybe my last attempt to reach outi ama 17 year old compulsive liar and ive destroyed my relationship with my boyfriend by lying to him about my age for the last several months ive felt so alone ive started to think about self harming for the first time in years and i lay in bed crying in the morning very often my chest always hurts i cant avoid my anxiety attacks and i all around just hate this i dont know if i really want help i just need a place to dump my feelings i guess ,1
if i dont end up in inpatient sooni am going to die title explains it alli amready to die as thats been what my brains been telling me nonstop even wheni amout doing things i love my psychiatrist is closed and so is the doctors officei amfuckedi amabsolutely fucked,1
panics and decisions i cant make okay so this is going to get heavy so proceed with caution so i have fallen for this girl her name is n n is fantastic and i love spending time with her and we attended the same university and i can see her whenever i want her nose is adorable and her heart is super open and she everything good about this world she makes my heart flutter and i cant really look her in the eyes very much because it make me come appart due to part two edit n does have cats and loves them and thats awesome but i am extremely allergic to cats hives sneezing crying all of it part two i have a girlfriend of two years bestfriend weve been through really shitty situations and fight kinda often she attended uni about 45 minutes away so we can only really see each other on weekends i really do love this girl but we have both discussed that we feel a constant need to talk to eachother because we cant visit as often and it makes me stay up later than i would like her and i can watch movies and fuck and just sit around together and be a couple i enjoy her presence but its very rare that i get to shes not religious so o feel i have to go to church behind her back because she is so anti church she know i go but it just feel bad when i do now comes my final issue i have gotten it in my head that killing myself would make all of these issues go away all this pain i dont want to die i just dont want to hurt i feel pressure to make a decision but i actually hate the idea of having to break up with someone i hate loosing n as a friend but death seams like a good solution i dont want to die i just dont want to have to hurt anymore i cant make this decision please anyone if you can give me some help ,1
what do you do when you have no one left you post on reddit because everybody here cares sometimes we dont have anybody we can talk to and we feel like were alone in our daytoday life but you really arent theres hundreds of thousands of us who really care and want to help and be there for people like you most of us are going through the exact same thing and feel the exact same way which just makes us understand you more you are not alone i promise you we may feel like we are but that does not have to defeat us ,1
amstruggling i am sorry i dont know what to do i feel so numb i feel so empty i dont know what to do i dont want to be this miserable anymore ive got so many promises with people i dont want to let people down but i know i will _ _,1
am going to blow my fucking brains out so much fucking shit i dont want to hear any bullshit or get linked to some bullshit hotline tell me something fucking real,1
i hear voices in my head telling me to kill myself i am a 27 year old male with a rare nueromuscular disease and i have had numerous concussions which might explain the voices i dont know what to do or who to talk too i have no real friends and feel likei amdone with life ,1
i dont have a reason to wake up every morning i dont like my looks i dont like my life i screwed up my studies and cant do anything about it i have no interests or hobbiesi just dont have a reason to wake up in the morning and i dont think i will have one in yearsim not going to kill myself my mother made me promise her i would never do it not while she is alive at least and i amkeeping my promise but i hate my life right nowi just dont know how to fix it and i dont see the problem fixing itself soon like it usually happens i dont know what to do since this had never happenedi just need some help going through the worst years of my lifethis is too much man,1
why is life such a big deal sorry for the aggressive cap lock in the title guysi amkinda new to reddit i suffer from major depression from six years or so but even before my life wasnt so good but lets go straight to the pointim sitting in a room ori am going out i must see people i go home have panic attacks during all of this and you know what i dont give a fi hope i die when i turn 23 or so this will make you smile literally in front of my last birthday cakes candles i wished to die i saw a falling star some weeks ago and my first thought was make me die you f star and if i think of myself dead my body still kinda warm but the skin a little bit bluegreen from the blood flow stopping i feel the pain softeningi wish to kill myself in a few months but i dont know how if i have to do it it must be done well i need something that will not leave me alive and paralized on a chair of the hospitalother than that i wish to become rich buy louis vuitton bags gucci and versace shoes have a sports car a home in switzerland work in the fashion world designing clothes or doing the make up on runway models making a movie watching every movie on earth and being part of a group of cinema addicts have a partner maybe and most of all buy euthanasia money cant buy happiness but it can buy the ethernal sleepim discussing my gender identity too thats very confusing but most of all i want all of this beautiful thing called life to be over i hope the f words can be said here its hard to express my feelings i know,1
i need to talk to someone hi to the right of this page is a list of resources including a whole bunch of people who you can talk to who can help you can speak to someone or text chat hope that helps ,1
questions youd want to ask have you know anyone that killed themselves if you have do you have any questions that you wish you could ask themi plan on killing myself next week and i want to leave a note answering any questions my family or friends may have thanks,1
i need some perspective so currently i am starting sophomore tuesday at a large university and just moved to a new house i feel as though i have no friends besides my girlfriend but i dont want to be a burden for her practically all my friends from freshmen year dont want to hang out with me because a person in that friend group and i often butt heads and they are living with him so i cant see themi amrather quiet and am terrible at making friends i honestly can say i have no idea how to make friends also i am 6 hours away from home and all i want to do is just be done ive gone through moments like this and survived but this just hurts so much right now what do i do,1
i cant find a reason every morning before i get out of bed i need to find a reason not to kill myself some days i dont get out of bedtoday is one of those days where ive been lying here staring at the ceiling and my phone for fucking hours and i just dont know what to do i cant think of any reason worth getting out of bed today other than killing myself,1
yesterday i sat on a scaffolding today i want to go there again in the night there are no people around that place its the 6th floor and the exact place i searched for a long time its pretty much the perfect place for me to die and ive searched for it a long time yesterday i didnt jump for one single reason and nowi amdreaming of going back tonight and jump this time i wouldnt make the mistake which held me back,1
its been five years five years since these thoughts started a classmate died tragically and suddenly in an accident he was popular wellliked and for good reason a really nice guy i remember the assembly after it happened i sat alone everyone else was hugging and remembering and i sat alone they all said it shouldnt have been himit was at the funeral i realized it should have been me there were so many eulogies fond memories so many people touched and i knew then i wouldnt have any of that id fizzle out and not even be noticedi wish i could say i spent the last five years making something of myself becoming better but i havent no friends social anxiety ugly fat alone i think about ending it often but i think the only thing holding me back is thati am too afraid to go through with it and so i sit here five years later thinking of this kid from high school he deserved his shot i dont it should have been me ,1
i turned 18 this week i dont have any dreams or goals and waking up is just painfuli am not sayingi ama special snowflake because i know most of you on this sub go through worse stuff than me i know nobody asked for this so i dont really want to be a whiny brat but ive honestly had enoughi ama shitty person i dont reply to messages from people who are still actually trying to talk to me because it all seems pointless to me i leave my bed only if its absolutely necessary and i hate spending time with others no matter how important those people are to me i used to love art but i cant bring myself to create things anymore at the beginning of summer break i was likei am going to draw every single day for the following two months so i can form a habit id like to maintain and work hard on becoming an artist well guess what summer breaks ending today and i only sketched once and it ended up being a piece of garbage i realized if i actually wanted to be an artist id be passionate and wouldnt know how to live without constantly making art and thats the exact opposite of me i usually ended up hating my artwork anyways so i think there are people much more determined to become artists and they sure as hell deserve it more than someone like myselfi amjust pretty much numb most of the time but whenever a tiny inconvenience creeps into my life my brain instantly goes to suicidal mode crippling anxiety takes over me and my life goes from 0 to 10 the only thing i can think about is death i use it as a coping mechanism nothing i do matters because we will all die anyways to make my anxiety less extreme but its not very healthy since i start planning my own suicidei amchanging schools and i will be in a completely new environment which makes things even worse because i cant stop imagining the worst scenarios basically right now the best option i have is hanging myself i messed up everything in my life i failed my driving exam on my birthday i couldnt take the pressure at my previous school and i cant keep making art i honestly dont have any dreams or a future the only thing i genuinely want is peaceplease do not suggest therapymedication i cant get any professional help right now,1
i cant handle it anymore i have been fighting with depresiion for a while nowi am not strong enough i have been getting violent past month my temper raises fasti dont want to live i have wanted to kill myself a year ago i even attempted but failed because i was a coward a girl saved me later for trying again we ended up dating for 15 yearshe cheated i lost my only reason to live and not only lost it but got told thati ameasy to replace i cant handle it anymore i dont want to live in painoverthinking i trully hate myselfi dont want sympathy i just have noone to talk to no one suicide is selfish but i have noone else it would harm no one would care it woudnt be selfish anymore would it if no one careseven the only thing i had fun doing has stopped becoming fun gamesoverwatch and no i dont want sympathy how i will find someone else i dont want anyone else i dont want my self ,1
hi all 14 yo boy who just fucked his whole life upi amwriting this from a chromebook for school while my parents are downstairs talking about how disgusting they think i am and are 1 second away from sending me to military school id rather not talk about what i did but heres the jist of it i was on instagram messing with my friends and some kids moms were talking to me and i was being a dick to the moms i called them worthless said fuck you and told them to fuck off i regret it but my life is fucked all social media is done my phone is taken away i cant hang with friends all i can do is go to school come home do homework and suffer i see no reason why i shouldnt just blow my brains out,1
theres nothing left for me i feel like the only thing i have left to do is to just end iti amsick of fighting this shit i screw up every relationship and job i get i cant do it anymore suicide is the one thing that i actually look forward to anymore because its the only thing thats guaranteed its the only way to be sure i wont be miserable anymorei ama fucking piece of shit and its better ifi amgone i cant even buy a damn gun because ive been committed to a mental hospital i feel like in stuck here and i dont want to be anymore i dont want time to realize whati am doing i just want to be gone like turning off a light switch,1
is being too lazy a valid reason for suicide i have no plan on going to college ive gone to one abroad but i didnt study at all and soon i dropped out or doing a trade i have no energy except for going to work and coming home to lay in bed all day and watching shows on my laptop i have no ambitions no desire to do any hobbies basically i hate learning anything i find reading boring listening to educational talks boring doing complex shit boring and too hard everything is just fucking boring or requires efforti thinki ampampered and i keep whining about my problems on the internet because i cant be bothered to move my arse to fix anything before you ask no i dont want to make video games programming is stupid and boring anyway and no i dont like anything in particular i used to like video games but nowi am too lazy to play them i buy one every once in a while but it doesnt take long for me to get boredim just a nobody i have nothing to work towardsi amdumb to grasp basic concepts like taxes and have no desire to learn about it or my laws i dont even fucking know who my politicians areand yesi amwriting this out of attention sincei ampowerless to do something about it,1
am really pathetic and am having a hard time holding on the truth isi ama pathetic excuse for a humani amsuicidal because i cant get a girlfriend i know thats a dumb reason but it really hurts me not being able to get a girlfriend ive never had a girlfriend in my life or even gotten close some girls reject me and say its becausei amugly the rest give me reasons like its not you its me your sweet but i am not ready for a relationship just stuff because they are trying to be nice ive come to accept thati amnever going to have a partner in my life and its my destiny to be alone lots of people and therapist try to sell to me that i will meet some girl that will like me some day but i just cant believe that anymore ive known nothing but rejection and when i ask ladies to honestly tell me how i look they tell mei amugly i have friends i have familyi am not financially insecurei amable to do hobbies or activities of interest at a fair rate i shouldnt have a reason for being suicidal but its how i really feel ive tried many times just focusing on bettering myself just for the sake of myself and it helps for a little while but the pain of being alone doesnt ever go awayi am so pathetic that i cuddle with a blanket that i wadded up into kinda the shape of a woman because i dont anybody to cuddle with for real for a long time cuddling with that blanket brought me a little bit of comfort but now its not enough and i dont know what to do i really feel worthless and i just find it hard to find reasons to live,1
am not sure what to do i have an online friend who is telling me hell be dead in a few yearsi am not sure what to do as i am in a different country as him and dont know him irl i do have his facebook and know what town hes ini am not sure if i should call the cops or just try to talk him out of it,1
life is a joke ive fucked up everything in my life every relationship every opportunity everythingi am an unwanted mistakei amadopted and still fatherless nobody wants me and i hate myself bc ive created this situation i really feel like i cant get any lower and the next step is to kill myself ive always looked forward to the day i diedi am sorry,1
redditor looks to be suicidal i have no idea what to doi ama subscriber to its about building your own rockets and launching them for fun as a hobbysomeone posted about wanting to launch a rocket for cheap he said he was disabled you know what let me just link his posti am not sure why but i went through his history and it brought me to tears this guy is terminal and in constant pain he was just looking for a hobby because he sits in the same spot everyday and all he has is his laptop no one cares i sent him a message saying that i care and that he shouldnt hurt himself i dont know what to doi amcrying right nowdirect link to his profile ,1
i wish i could switch places with depressed rich people at least not worrying about making through the month and spending cash on anything i want would be less to worry abouti keep buying lottery tickets how naive of me,1
tears in the shadow pt1 i figured out that i need to talk to someone before i kill myself so uhm i ll post this shit here i still havent finnished writing this so i will probably post the rest one day who knows weand welli amhere with you or rather with no one and well i must confess for those who do not know what this means it will make no sense so just maybe i should explain a little whati amtalking about yeah indeed i should do that maybe even you i mean whoever you are are confused about this well maybe i should start by explaining who is the youi amtalking to right no well in the end it is my choice sowell dear you you are yourself crazy right oh still does not understand you are yourself look at the mirror or at the webcam you are the person who is by whatever reasons or means reading this note so uhm maybe i should confess to you whyi amwriting this right well its always up to you if youre going to read this or not so i hope you stay with me just a little longer maybe wait youre still here ha strange one okay well that means you do wanna understand why all this lets start by the beginning maybeso uhm that would start 23 years ago brazil yeah thats wheni amborn nononono dont worry wont take long to tell everything i will make it quick i was born mom and dad happily married wadahwadahwadah no thats not so true mom wasnt really happy with dad dad was kinda on drugs durign those days when i was three they broke up no this is not about being raised without a dad well maybe it is i wouldnt know the difference well maybe you can sort that out uhm oh yeah sorry i will keep going so 23 years old no dad i didnt miss him during those days though not that i remember well time goes on and i will enter school big school full of peoples and friends wouldnt call them that but okay i guess lets just say most little friends were not very friendly or we cant really remember much from those days can only remember being rejected qqcouple years later joined elementary school not sure how it works where you live but here we have 9years in elementary school then 3 in highschool then college so uhm 1st year i kinda learned to read except i already knew kinda well it was kinda fun 2nd year i dont really remember i remember i wasnt very popular and i remember i occasionally would shit myself yeah quite literally disgusting i know not very higienic also true but well that was when everything started to go wrong bullying and all thatit followed me untill i went to college the bullying no the shitting myself part that stopped somewhere before 5th year so uhm i will not talk about the bullying part here i dont want to wouldnt feel right so expect random cut offs and subjects those will be to run from the bullying subject okay so where was i oh yeah well i was kind of smart though so thats a plus kinda cuz i was way too talkative also and would run through all the class untill everyone would scold me and yell at me and all that well i just have always liked to play and since the subjects were kind of way too easy lol so i had nothing to focus on well lame excuese i get it but still that was me so uhm something else happenned at that time mommy got a boyfriend this big huge tall faaaaat boyfriend nice guy though rude as rock but nice i think uhm well he had 2 kids so i kinda got a brother and a sister i think that you would call the my brotherinlaw and sisterinlaw well we do not have a word for that here so they were them we would see each other every weekend once at my home once at their home untill 5thyear of elementary school oh by the way lemme tell who i used to live with momwould work all day usually we wouldnt see each other much as she usually would get home late and leave very early in the morning to work but weekends were great and she was the most absolutely gorgeous beautiful woman still when we would fight she had this anger inside against me as if she hheld some hatred towards me deep inside her because i was her exhusbands son but when we were not fighting she has always been the best grandmatakes care of her home untill today can barely walk without feeling pain in her ankles but would walk a thousand miles as long as there is some shop with well anything from clothes to house decoration but mainly shirts grandpaused to work a lot in an industryas a guard during the night and sleep during the afternoon later on he used to take kids to school on his kombiyup he had a school kombi certified and everything very funny caring and but wouldnt want to make him angry and last uncleoh uncle might write a whole sotry just about how he made my life hell not directly or willingly but still made it hell every morning he and grandma would argue about his religion or about what he wanted to eat or about his dick size or about how his chest was sunken in the middle yeah strange topics and i would listen to that everyday yeeah every single day annoying but i ended up getting used to it a videogamerpg addicted only good thing he gave mebesides the fact that once he looked at me and during an arguemente with my grandma he said that i didnt need to worry cuz my dick definitely would have a good size cuz my dads dick also had a goold size i had like 7 or 8 years oldwell these are the people that lived with me so uhm i had a few friends at the townhouse there were 10 buildings ifi am not mistaken so there were the summer friends those that would appear only in summer and the year long friends that would stay throughout the year there were a few and and whole lot lot of stories that are quite funny and interesting but none really important for this so lemme make the 2nd to 4th years quick2nd year i remember absolutely nothing besides shitting myself and everyone laughing at me thats it besides having the best grades of the class and being talkative as hell to whoever sit besides me wether they liked it or not though but of course this wasnt nice3rd year good teacher i fell in love with this blond girl that everyone else was in love with i had no chance and i felt really bad about that i still had the best grades kinda become the classs clown to try and make friends didnt work at all talked to mom about not having friends she argued with someone at school that wnet to class and kinda ordered other kids to make friends with me i felt like shit and learned that i should not talk to my mom about this otherwise id be only more embarrasesed about that at 6 to 7 years old my problems with friends would have to be my own and not anyone elses 4th year good teacher i fell in love with this other blond girl that everyone else fell in love also i still had no chance and felt even worse about that i still had the best grades had a rival that year good guy really funny not smart at all he failed completely that year also but he had a girlfriend or something like that still had few to no friends not the best of the years5th year good teachers yeah had 2 that year one of them would laugh a little at my silly jokes but still the same thing oh by the way blod girl 1 was back to my class kinda fell in love with her again but there were other girls that were as hot as her and still few to no friends my grades gradually fell this year at 89 years old i remember having spent nights crying thinking about killing myself also got my first computer this year and loved the gameboy advance emulator gunzthe duel and played the demo of dungeon siege so many times that i cant really remember6th year hard one went to live in another city since my mom decided to live with her boy friend but she had just joined college and would stay away most of the day well this time i would actually only see her at weekends stepdad wasnt so bad unless when he had to protect his daughter then everything was my fault x either way hell would describe my experience in this place not many friends i was cocky about my brain didnt really get good grades cuz wouldnt really focus on school my brotherinlaw left home during winter to live with his mom my stepdad was unbearable for him7th year even tougher 6 months after his son leaving stepdad would have his good days and hell days mom wouldnt really listen to me not htat i tried a lot but still my grades were kinda better i was starting to make friends kinda went thourhg a hell lot of situtations that year learned a lot met msn had a fake email and account where i would trick horny grown up lesbians into sending me erotic vids nudes and showing themselves on webcam also used to join uols chat and fake myself into someone else apparently i was really good at that since i got a fair ammount of friends this way 8th year bad year back to the starting city the one where i was born and back to old school everyone had grown bonds and all that i came back as a strange everything was different and i felt really out of place made a few friends though i was still playing the duel though whenever i had internet almost never lost contact with everyone that i had on msn before bad thing cuz i was starting to discover that i could be quite appealing as myself if i didnt show my face kinda made a girl fall in love with me just kinda but was enough to fell a little good about myself and enough to feel that someday someone would love me indeed by who i am not just cuz i was family or we at this point i was already alone at home my bedroom was the only room in my floor and no one would go there oftenly loved the peace hated the loneliness my sister would occasionaly go there and make me company too bad we werent very close i liked her 9th year my sisterinlaw went away to live with her mom so i was completely lonely 100 untill i met people from 1 grade below started talking to them fell in love and at the end of the year i kissed her curious fact i dated her for 2 weeks before kissing her she went to live in another city at the end of the year oh and there were these girls that were really friendly to me during the year we kinda became best friends good old times oh and in an arts class someone saw the volume of my dick in through my pants and i got a big dick kind of fame hell yeah that year was feeling good could i say it was the best year in my life hell yeah it was also i started to play wonderland online good game lots of people from everywhere but brazil to talk with thats when i learned english for real also i discovered my dad would live and work besides my school basically got very sad about that kinda started somewhat of a friendship with him 1st yearhighschool kept dating through internet my girlfriend from last year lasted exactly 1 year a couple hour less actually i kinda of cheated on her after she went missing for a long time i said kinda cuz it was through sexting with a girl from somewhere in europe lithuania maybe could be a guy also who knows either way got a good ammount of friends in game didnt need irl friends anymore also after all all of them were just annyoing at this point most of them werent inteligent enough to keep an interesting conversation wouldnt know a thing about games anime computer or anything like this they basically liked big brother and other erm nor very interesting programs also tv was their main source of entertainment i was into computer a lot more had a few internet friends at the end when my girlfriend broke up with me kinda felt depressive though i started playing volleyball somewhere in this year2nd year although i was depressive i learned that if i wanna feel better i just need someone to get naked to me so i got a web girlfriend from an asian country she was 10 years old but was deeply in love with me as i was with her or so i thought we started dating somewhere between 2nd and 3rd year and we got along very well not much to talk about school i just ignored it mostly oh by the way i was playing volleyball this year and thats the end of it also3rd year now this was a strange year i was already kind of fluent at english and i had finnished the englishcourse outside school school offered extra classes for the admission test for collegeif you wanna get in a college here you have to do this test and your grades during elementary to highschool means absolutely nothing and i took it most of the time i ignored it though also i started some dancing classes good old things by the end of the year i had took the tests for the public collegesconsidered to be the best in my country and i was accepted at mechanical engineering theoretically that should have been good well i will stop here asi amkinda tired i will finnish it later ifi am still around or in the mood,1
i wish i could be everyones saviour i read through here and wish i could save each and everyone of you be the friend you need the shoulder to cry oni amstruggling myself and realising i cant help everyone just fucks me up even more how am i supposed to tell someone a reason to keep trying when i dont see any reason myself but at the same time i dont want to see anyone getting killed by this cruel world that leaves people destroyed i love every one of you on here we have to stick together work through it day after day ,1
i just dont see this working out exactly i just dont think i was cut out for this shitthings never ever ever get better no matter how far ahead i get all i really end up doing is failing and fallingthis isnt about her even though i hear her voice inside my head can see the fear and concern upon her face hear her unspoken pleas with her eyesive begun to cryi had a shitty week beyond shitty and i know this too shall pass and i was finally finally making progress but now ive made fucking no progress one step forward a thousand steps backi understand that i cant just quit but god how i want toi have more to say but now is no longer a good time,1
going to visit an internet friend who just attempted suicide need some help i have a close friend that ive known for some time over the internet never actually met them irl though they just attempted suicide i think theyre stable but i dont know for certaini live several states awayi amtaking time off work to ride my bike and visit themi work offshore in a very tough environmenti am not a comforting person my usual mo to people complaining or showing weakness is to tell them to quit fucking around and suck it up ive also been told that i may have aspergers a mild form of autism that inhibits ones social abilities but i am not sure of thati really dont know whati am going to do when i get therei ampartially afraid theyll be too ashamed to even see meany advice is welcome,1
if i cant trust anyone then why live simply put my life has been rendered into a pile of complete chaos and bullshit the following story is just too subjective for any one of my friends to understand as theyve reached a consensus in deeming my problems irrational and my plight unrelatible this is due to the way in which i present myself i come of as a narcissistic introverted asshole with a monotone voice this is merely a front which i deviced during my adolescence as i could never quite reconcile the love i had for even the most transient person in my life and their response towards me apparently i think that if i am rude in all my remarks that then it wont matter if iam disappointed or even insulted by the other partys response because i will have in my mind deserved it so now about my life iam currently an 18 year old male attending university in the united states throughout high school i encountered many people some of which manifested into my very best friends up until my junior year this would mark an extremely negative year and turning point in my life as it was the first time i consumed lsd with my friend who i will call chris he was my role model throughout my adolescent years and more than i had hoped any friend could be i loved him like a brother our acid trip was as normal as can be expected of two people trying psychedelics for the first time that was until we got back to his place upon arriving chris entered the shower with his girlfriend at the time for what seemed like an eternity then after that moment passed he suddenly appeared between myself and the television i happened to be watching at the time restrained me to the chair and repeated over and over again life is a simulation life is a simulation life is a simulation perhaps this may seem innocent enough to the average reader but any person whos done any kindve mind altering drugs knows just how despicable this truly was shortly there after i experience what can only be described as a psychotic episode i faded in and out of conciousness for the rest of the night all that i really recal is that i ended up back at my house with chris and the rest of my so called friends hating me everyone that is except for a girl that i will charlotte she had been my friend for even longer than chris and now that he was no longer in my life i naturally gravitated towards her to make sense of it all at first for purely plutonic objectives which later blossomed into a romance we dated for 3 months she took my virginity and broke up with me after i confessed that i had always secretly loved her throughout out long friendship i now have no real friends they invite me to partys but are always walking on eggshells hoping not to ignite the ever impending bad trip that they believe resides in my head all except charlotte of course who knows what really took place that night but refuses to clarify on my behalf for fear of being ostrichized herself instead she distracts herself with the various shitty guys her words not mine that she frequently sleeps with then proceeds to complain to me about i see her frequently at these gatherings on the weekends between all of my old friends only to return to university alone at these partys i frequently feign inhebriation only to pretend to fall asleep then i subsequently spend the night either sneaking out the back to smoke or crying into my air up mattress envious of her new dipshit confidant long story short chris brain is baked from acid and is no longer capable of fending for himself i am desperately still in love with charlotte even though she betrayed me almost two years ago and iam incapable of showing myself to the outside world who hates me death is imminent all because i cant stop thinking of how much i lovechris and charlotte my two best friends who i ruined,1
ranti amprobably going to kill myself in the near future maybe tonight maybe just after ive packed for university later on in the week because my room will be all cleani amsick of nobody taking me seriously theyll regret it wheni amgone ive just had yet another argument with one of my friends of whom i have a specific attachment to and hes seriously tired of me hes tired of me saying that hes going to abandon me because he has this cool new fucking boyfriend who i have to admiti amjealous of despite me not being romantically interested in my friend hes tired of me pushing him away and pulling him back like nothing happened and repeating the fucking cycle for months and years and fuck knows what after that i cant help it i dont do these things on purpose i just dont want to lose him hell have to lose me first fuck it,1
why even continue living havent had a friend in 5 years never had a girlfriend turning 20 in january and still dont have a single social media account because i have nobody to add anyway i have aspergers and feel like its impossible for me to accomplish anything socially i was even tempted to asking a girl in one of my college classes to lunch but turns out she was 6 years older than me and probably sees me as a kid so i didnt even bother i tried befriending one of my former programming professors and he ended up ghosting me after a few texts i tried lifting weights to boost my confidence and ended up injuring my knees and lower back because of my terrible squat form that i spent weeks on trying to perfect i even failed a fucking elementary algebra class in a community college for christs sake i feel so stupid and inadequatethe only reasoni amholding back from killing myself is my family ive been wanting to kill myself since i was 10 years oldi amthinking of just doing it i know my family will feel horrified but its better than feeling this way for another 10 years,1
ambipolar but my mom dont think i am okay so i am bipolar and my mom wont get me help for iti ama mess idk what to doi amvery suicidal any advice helps,1
amdestined to kill myself ive been feeling suicidal since 2012 but ive probably had depression for longer i tried telling someone about it and i lost all my friends i tried applying to disability and i got denied even though i have a history of this documented by doctors i cant keep a job long enough i just cant theres nothing left for me i just want to make myself bleed and hang myself on a tree everyone hates me or will hate me if they dont already i just want someone to push me over the edge already i cant keep this up its only going to get worse and i know it,1
id do anything to die but id never kill myself for my entire life ive been left out of most things i didnt play football as a child didnt play xbox throughout middle school and didnt feel comfortable talking to girls that all began to change one night at 3 am i got a text from a girl who thought i was cute and we talked and we talked and we talked we ended up dating for a couple months i became more comfortable in social settings and met another girl i became close with tonight both of them blocked me on all socia media i want to make excuses but i know its my faulti amclingy irritating and never happy and nowi amalone my grandpa passed away a couple weeks ago my dad is in the hospital my mom lost her job and my grandma has stage 4 cancer school just started and i didnt make the soccer team i just see no reason to keep living right now nothings gonna get better it hasnt for the last 14 years i feel so alone right now and dont even know what to do if anybody actually cared about me enough to read here thank you,1
ive had enough of this cruel world everywhere you always see positive outcomes happy endings to stories and everything wraps up so neatly well this is real life where everybody is against each other and hides it under the guise of politeness that i feel is worse than outright hostility pretending that toxic behavior is okay which brings me to the second point how the only effective way of discouraging suicide is by guilttripping you against making the one decision you should have ultimate control over who cares if they feel bad everyone will be mourning the loss of a child or sibling friend or stranger but never who you are just the idea of you why keep living and spare their feelings when youve had enough shouldnt you have control over your own life sorry if this is sounds dramatic there are more important issues around,1
amlost in the first place please excuse my grammar and mistakesi amromanian and rusty with english so it all started when my best friend committed suicide together with another common friend of us 15 and 17 years old they jumped off of an high building and i saw the video from the police officers he was ready to jump started to run then he stopped he just stopped at the edge of the building and tried to get back on the roof but he slipped he whats the word he tripped over the buildings border this happened in 2015 and to this day i still think and cry about it i often just imagine how is it to feel in the last moment that you dont want to die actually and try to save yourself but you trip over the border and fall from height what he was thinking about his body was broken in two pieces this is still haunting me i sweari am not a liar but sometimes i can feel him i can feel hes with me hes here i feel his presence i had dreams with him and they seem so real after this tragedy i was raped i was in the cemetery at my friends funeral with some candles it was a day of summer i would like not to go into details because i will start crying but after this shit happened my mom didnt believed me and she said if that really happened is because i dont believe in god and thats his way to punish me my father did nothing i was on my ownmy friend who committed suicide the one with 15 years old had a little brother yesterday he committed suicide too at the age of 16 he just laid his neck on the rails and waited for the train to arrive i cant get this out of my head i just think how is it like to lay down there and feel the rails shaking because the train is coming to hear the honk of the train and to know this is the last minute of your life whats haunting me the most is that i think is my fault last week i got nervous out of nowhere and i was thinking something bad is going to happen and in that night i had a dream with my best friend telling me dont let him come to me i didnt know what to do i was stupid freaked out i just think i had a chance to stop this to stop his brother from suicide in that week i have saw him too but not him it was like i was getting ready to get out and go get some bread from the store and when i closed the door and turned right i saw his little brother his form his shadow like because when i blinked it wasnt there anymore i was thinking it was because of my dream i had and just imagining it how stupid i am i should have known that i need to talk with himive lost my good friends the situation in my family is not good and i amfeeling lost i have moments when i just sit at the balcony looking down and thinking what if i just go a bit closer to the edge and then just jump and things like this i have problems with the paranormal too theyre rather evil and freak the shit out of me or just sad and moving things and doing minor things i just dont know what to do and the thought of suicide is getting stronger i dont want any antidepressants i just need some advice and ideas what to do to get rid of my shitty mood because then the bad spirits will go away too i just know it because when i was little nothing evil has approached me just small entities since i had this thoughts and mood my life is getting worse and i cant get rid of this i have already set up my suicide note just in case of a breakdown and thinking about selfharming again but i dont want this i just want to be happy and i try but i cant i have anxiety too i just want some help,1
if i call a hotline will they track my phone and send someone i dont know if this is the appropriate place for this but i want to know before i call them,1
i really want to end it alli am31 yo ive been fighting real hard to live for the last 3 years ive been doing everything in my power to make life worth living but i think ive lost the battle,1
amgonna intentionally od soon can someone talk to me while i wait well i never thought i would be here contemplating suicide first offi amhomeless and a opiatealcohol addict i quit doing opiates and drinking about 1 month ago but i recently just became homeless so i moved in with my mother my mom is a alcoholic but she was clean up until recentlyi amdepressed and using opiatesalcohol to cope with the stress of being homeless since i dont know any other way to cope i recently just found out my mother is drinking again and she used to help me with my stress but now thats shes drinking again she is never home i feel alone and the only thing i got left to at least help me cope is opiates and alcohol so obviously i relapsed after 1 month of being clean in a couple houri amgonna load up a rig so i can intentionally od all i want is someone to talk to in my last few hours sorry for the terrible wording and grammari amshaking really bad due to my anxiety attacksi am not asking for help only a friend in my last hours,1
on the verge of suicide ive jut recently moved in with my girlfriend and her mom due to my parents kicking me out of my house theyre selling it so it wasnt because of a bad relationshipafter a week of moving i quit my job because it became unbearable this was 3 months ago ive been looking for jobs and get extreme anxiety when i apply my girlfriend and i have been getting more and more hostile verbally not physical we argue just about everyday and it just makes me not want to do anything anymorejust today we were driving to get lunch and we sparked an argument and i told her to just take me home because i didnt feel like being in public without going into extreme details we were both at fault but wont admit itim not solely feeling depressed just because of my girlfriend and i are arguing its just part of it i usually wake up and just want to sleep all day i feel useless and mopey throughout the dayi amalso extremely angry most of the time and dont know whyi amscared and really dont know what to do,1
is there a website that i can talk to someone about suicide via instant messenger so i need to talk to someone about suicide i dont want to call the national helpline because its a voiced call alsoi amscared theyll call the police on me if i say something about actually killing myself ive found a few but most of them suck and a few of them are christian oriented they always end up making me listen to them rant about god until i decide ive had enough anyway if there is a good one out there please tell me ,1
dead soon suicide loss survivors can suck my dickall suicide loss survivors can fucking suck my dick,1
getting better day to day are a struggle to deal with my depression starting to get over my ex but still feeling less motivated to do anything maybe joining gym will help ,1
i just want peace this world has a lot to offer but not for mei amjust not right for this world life doesnt like me and i dont like life the only reason i havent done it yet is i dont wanna leave my brothers behind but i amstarting to think it would be better they knew me as their brother who killed himself at 17 rather than their brother who is a complete failure in life,1
am so very overwhelmed i really dont care anymore i just cant do this anymore with everything filling my thoughts up i will never be on the right direction and everything i do is wrong i dont even remember what i was going to say anymore i dont know i dont wanna feel movement i just want to be off drugs i will never have her i will never do anything right i just want lines to snort and to be left the fuck alone but i want someone to talk to me i cant make up my mind ,1
am sorryi amto weak this account will also be a suicide note for my family when i see my life and wherei amheaded i start to panic i already have a decent plan to kill myself with i just dont have the resources yet i feel likei amchoking i love you life just wasnt cut out for me its to painful,1
just dont know what to do anymore i feel like this might be it i have bipolar so i know this is just me being depressive as hell and who knows tomorrow i might feel too good for my own good but my depressive episodes have been getting worse i used to have a friend i could talk to when i felt bad but recently i feel like weve grown apart and dont feel like i can turn to him anymorei feel likei ambothering him it just hurts so goddamn much i dont know what to do anymore dont know how much more i can take i know theres only so much a stranger can do over the internet but someone please help me i,1
broke up with boyfriend for college went to a psych ward two weeks into college and nowi amback home he has moved on hey redditim a 19f and i recently went to college ive struggled with anxiety and depression in the worst of it i started dating a guy who was 17 m at the time when i was 18 and now we are 18 and 19 he was one of the two people outside of my family that made me remember i was like able that made me think i was worth it all he wasnt my therapist and i didnt burden him i was just struggling with some mental issues while we were together thus falling in love made me feel like i was good enough for some people we continued to date for a year and a half after all my friends left for college and i preceded with a a gap year i got to know his friends i am really insecure and i remained convinced they didnt like me they just dealt with me because i was there he would say that wasnt true but i believed it so he became someone that helped me see my valuei left for college three weeks ago we ended things the morning i left however we were always friends first and decided we still wanted to be close friends a week ago i was so suicidal i found myself in a ward and was released 36 hours later i was released so soon because college is across the country my dad flew over to to take me home so i can receive care closer to homei called him the next day after i got out and he told me he had moved on two weeks after we ended our relationship to be honest i was relieved because i dont think i could have been able to focus on my care and be in a relationshipi am also friends with his girlfriend she is also way more funny creative social and cute than i could ever be its hard not to compare they will be great together because when they started being friends i had a feeling that they would get together i even asked him if he would pursue her after i left and he said maybe what hurts even more is that everyone predicted it would happen i predicted it would happen the moment they started being friends he is a year younger than her so they would be able to date for a longer time what if she makes him happier than i didi saw him the day after i returned home we still want to be in each others lives because we were always good friends still he seems aloof about some things when we met he was distant i wanted to be frank about how our relationship would be moving forward so i put out my terms and he agreed to these terms and said he wants the same thing however after a couple days it was obvious he doesnt really care what happens to me ive tried to keep in contact with him and he is distant i wouldnt be upset if he didnt want to be in contact as he enters this new relationship but he said he did also its two weeks in after a long relationship what the fucki am not angry at him or her but it still feels fast some people take longer than others and i know this doesnt measure how much our relationship meant to him but its still hard it would be easier if we were on bad terms and i could call him a jerk and her a bitch but we arentits hard because my friend group was around his friends i was never convinced they actually liked me i only went to things because he was going and let me know about them now thati am not his girlfriend there is no reason for me to be invited i feel alonei know i have my family and i know i have my older friends but they are all off for college and all of his and i thought my friends are around here i know there are people out there that care about me but my depression is so bad right now that i keep thinking nobody actually does none of my friends give a shit i feel like everyone would be happier if i was gone because they would have nothing to worry about especially now that my ex boyfriend someone who i would always say to myself well at least he likes me when i convince myself nobody else does is out of the picturei am not annoyed he doesnt want to be involved of course he doesnt if its not required of him anymore i just feel abandoned everyone who says they would be sad if i was gone has their own baggage to deal withi amjust adding to their misery by being here if i was gone they could cope and move on also being back home and having to figure out what to do with my life is terrifying the options in front of me are overwhelming if life is just heartbreak insecurity and scary decisions i dont want to live it it all hurts too much this is where the anxiety kicks in i start to get panics because i know i dont actually believe these things my depression is just so bad its muddling up my brain i feel like i need to prioritize my care but i want to try and get a job too what if i put it off and there are no jobs left tldr my boyfriend and i split up two weeks ago he has moved on and has a new girlfriend they will be great together we were still on friendly terms but it is distanti amstarting to convince my self he doesnt actually care what happens to me its still hard reddit because he was one of my best friendsi amloosing a best friend ,1
everything in my life is the way ive felt forever but emotional involvement in an abusive person has fucked me over more and i cant look at myself in the mirror without being disgusted i want to keep this part short because typing it all out is going to hurt i was with woman woman abused me a few months ago she ignored me after saying really upsetting things i cut half of my arm off didnt mean for it to be so deep but it was 28 stitches later muscular and nerve scarring permanant loss of strength in my arm and she knew that she contributed to my feelings that night now currently her family fucked me over i have not done a single fun thing in over a year and they said id be coming with them to the pne at playland or cultus lake waterslides then when i leave to go to my house instead of theirs because my now exs probably who knows she may get me back in when i hear from her girlfriends aunt was coming to visit and apparently is so fucking weird that she didnt feel comfortable sleeping in the same house as a stranger like me who has been dating her damn neice for over a year so i leave and then find out they lied and i have to pay out of my broke ass they know i didnt have enough money now this girl has made me give up on myself i still have an impacted wisdom tooth because i was too unmotivated to go to the appointment and i regret it living with her i brushed my teeth 3 times in like a month or two my face looks uglyi amscared i have bone loss in my jaw my smile looks different and i amobsessing over all of it and i want it to end,1
worried about my partner am i over thinking as the title statesi amworried about my partnerover the past few weeks there has been a few concerning comments from him an expression of helplessnesshopelessness another about how alone he feels that he has no friends just tonight he expressed how sad he was summer was over and that he wished it could last forever before telling me he was going to miss me he is a teacher so back to school means seeing me less as our work schedules are quite different i know for a fact that he has had suicidal thoughts in the past and there has been at least one prior attempt hes not spoken much on this topic but i have made it clear that i am here for him wheneverwhere ever tonight after saying this he was getting some of his things together as he was about to go home saying i will bring different things next time this struck me as odd because we spend 90 of our time at my apartment and these items are almost always here it felt as though he was cleaning up so to speak so i wouldnt have toi asked him if he was okay and vocalized that i was concerned and scared that he might do something i told him how much he means to me and that i love him more than anything in the world all of which is true i made sure he knows i am here for him no matter what and that he can talk to me about anything he looked me in the eye and said he wasnt planning anything and that he was okay but there was a profound sadness in his eyes before he left he said i could come with him if i was concerned but i told him i trusted him i feel like that may have been a mistake but i feel like i also need to trust him and believe what he says i feel likei amover processing but that now seemed like a request for help he called me when he got home to say he loved me and that he was getting into bed which is a fairly normal routine for us he promised to text me when he gets up also am i overreacting here or do i have validity in my concern ,1
1 month in 1 monthi am going to end my life i have quit my job my lease is up in 1 month and everything is in place why wait a month you sayi am going to spend it doing what i wanti am going to spend this month playing video games in my apt talking to my friends and just doing what i love which is gaming and drinking and just relaxing i will enjoy one last birthday at the end of the month and that will be it i cant fix the things in my lifei am too far in things are too dark but at least i will get to be happy for a month and enjoy myself without work or stress and just get to be me it will be interesting october 5th here i come ,1
ambecoming a monster i fucked my life up so bad i dont feel a single goddamn thing anymore i dont know who i am anymore ive been calling and calling to get a therapist and no ones fucking ever available i fucking hate this shit ive cheated and treated allmy exes like shit and had numerous amounts of hookups and shit and today was my last one not only was it terrible but it really made me look back to one of my exes who i cant believe cared about me so much he did so much for me but i was blind as fuck i fucking hate myself so much right now everythings starting to fall apart and its likei amon a ride i cant get off of its scares the shit outta me i have a friend who i currently chat with long distance we dated for a bit but i ended up cheating on him twice he still wants me in his life though but i just cant trust him anymore i get paranoid hes keeping me out of spite usually when we talk he starts to berate me calling me a pussy bitch and a sluti amgay btw he told me he forgave me but i just dont see it ive broken up with him so many fucking times and he keeps coming back i feel bad for everything i did but everything is starting to pile up i got no one to talk to or anyone whod want to listen ive been trying to get therapy but idk how its gonna go cause its labor day weekend and i s2g i feel likei am going insane i cant stand feeling like this anymore i feel likei amstuck shit i cant even draw anymore cause it wont stop playing in my mind idk what to do anymoretldri amlosing myself fast and all my creativity is gone and my life is going to shit ,1
i want to fuck my life up so bad that the only way out is suicide even though i wanna commit suicide i think about how sad my family would be i will stay alive for my family i will get married to make them happy then i will have a new family which will make me live till i die from some other thing than suicideso i have to fuck my life up so bad that suicide is the only way out i have to mess with bad people get in lots of debt anger people become someone people hate not thati am someone people love anyway then i wont have to hold back and actually carry out the act that will free me from this hell,1
i have hit the bottom and it sucks here i m am in my early 20s my life was kind of good until two years ago when i was doing exercise and herniated my l5 s1 disc resulting in excruciating sciatica i m always in paini should have done the surgery a while ago but i didnt since i was afraid that there is no one around to take care of mei study abroad also my friends left me and my ex girlfriend cheated on me so i m so alone all the time except when i go to classes there i see people around and might say hi to them but we never go through details abouts themselves or me because no one caresi also never complain to my family to no let them worried until recently when i told them i m about to do surgerynow my chance for surgery is gone because ive run out of holidays due to my internship lonely in pain and nothing to hope for ive found myself thinking of suicide the whole time ive also been searching for ways to end it but the country i stay at no drugs are allowed and impossible to get so i m left with only jumping off a building my building is 13th floor high so i think its enough if not there is another building next to mine with 20sh floors my only reason not to do it till now is my family but i guess when i m gone it wont matter hopefully psi ve tried acupuncture swimming walking to improve my state and still trying but there is no noticed improvement maybe 5 better still cant do any activities like sex or partying so i m always in bed or in my standing desktopgoingg to classes hurt me so much because of sitting and i want to stand all the way in class but i m shy english is not my first language so i m sorry if i made this post hard to be read,1
17 and suicidal just in case someone i know personally is reading this i wont use my real name so lets just say that my name is thomas stevely and i amfrom the back end of nowhere in the uk i am 17 years old and my recent mistakes have lead to bringing my family a lot of pain due entirely to my own stupidity all my life all ive wanted is to help people but all i seem to be capable of doing is hurting those closest to me which has lead to me struggling to maintain relationships and friendships this has lead me down a spiralling path of self harm suicidal thoughts i dont entirely know whyi ameven writing this and i dont see how this will help but many people seem to do this and people i have spoken to on various forums have told me that this can help so here it is i guess i am pretty much at absolute rock bottom right now and now all i can think of is trying to pay for all the pain i have brought to both friends and family but every time i try to think of ways to pay for the harm i have done throughout my life i keep coming back to the same answer which is committing suicide but i know myself and i know thati am too much of a snivelling pathetic coward to actually do it i know that i should really seek professional help but i dont want to become better or to stop blaming myself because i know that i deserve the paini amexperiencing and if i get help theni am not paying for the pain i have brought all i want is to be strong enough to simply end this miserable existence i call a lifei am sorry if that seemed kind of pathetic or whiny but ive never been very good with wordsi am not sure what good i expect to come from posting this but i felt i needed to get it off my chest,1
pills whats a lethal way to kill yourself with pills or drugs thats relatively easy and not too painful its really difficult sorting through information online thanks,1
i dont have anyone in my life nobody caresi amliving by myself i hate myself and dont want to live,1
wtf do i do with my life now i really dont know where to starti met the girl of my dreams 2 years ago shes perfect in every way just over a year ago we got together i lost my job and had to move out in febuary of this year itd only been six months but we decided the best option would be for me to move to norway to live with her full time i stayed at hers for a few weeks prior and she stayed at mine for 2 months plus other weekend visits etcso i uprooted my life loaded my vehicle with all of my posessions and literally drove for 3 days with all my remaining money etc to norway from the uksince i arrived ive been trying to get work not easy without knowing the language although learning that at the same time its been hard i was getting money from the uk up untill about 2 months ago which was helping however that too stopped nowyesterday she sits me down and tells me its not working out and she wants me to leave the money stress has been difficult over the months and its caused her to slowly start resenting me and she no longer loves me and doesnt think those feelings will come back and wants me out now so that i dont use any more money eating food etc shes given me less than a weeki dont blame her for this i know its been hard and shes been super good to me it cant have been easy for hersoi amstuck in norway with all my clothes bike pc and all my other stuff about a small vans worth with no money nowhere to go completely depressed and devastated that the woman i love more than anything has basically thrown me away i dont know anyone here apart from her relatives even if i somehow manage to sell all my posessions fast then i will be flying back to the uk to homelessness and joblessnessi have nothing and noone wtf do id do dont wish to sound emo but all i can think in my brain is that the easiest solution is just to overdose and take the easy way out ,1
id just so love to not wake up i have chronic pain soon i will be jobless which also means homeless everything is an act of will typing this is painfuli amjust so tired of lying to myself constantly to get through the day ive attempted suicide multiple times throughout my life and after each attempt ive done my best to recover and crack on heres the truth i wish id succeeded the very first time things havent gotten better its been 20 years since my first attempt and of the two decades since none of any of it has been worth the physical or psychic pain of carrying on give me three wishes and that id have succeeded back then is the first,1
count your blessings its hard to describe it anymore everything is dull every activity seems like a waste relationships school work its all a waste of time i havent been happy in over ten years consideringi amtwenty two it seems like an eternity i remember watching my sister attempt suicide i remember cleaning up the copious amounts of blood after my parents took her to the hospital i was ten my life has been rocky since then i never went to school when i did it was to fight someone or generally fuck my education up one way or another i never went to highschool i was expelled after a bout with a state trooper in which i punched him in the face not soon after i was on my long road to nowhere i ended up in a juvenile detention center asi amsure you wouldve assumed after getting my ass kicked more than a few times kicking ass a few times it was time to go little did i know i was heading right into another abyss this world shoves their unwanted problem children off i was to meet new patients people as i like to call them friends even so here i am thirteen years old away from home abandoned full of anger hate sadness i felt abandoned by my family i just wanted everything to go away the feelings the people the medications l just wanted to be normal how would it feel to go to highschool would i have had a highschool sweetheart would i have had friends would i have even mattered i never did get the chance to go one sunday evening in march ifi am not mistaken i was on a home weekend i was lying on the floor on my computer i didnt have a bed or desk i felt really alone a glance around my room didnt help as i realized nobody needs me besides i had nothing to give at that moment i knewone seroquel two three not helping four five six feeling something seven eight nine i didnt want this feeling ten eleven twelve its going away thirteen fourteen fifteen all gone soon i started fading in and out of consciousness the entire ride back to my rtf i remember wondering if id die on that backseat or in my bed that night i couldnt finish that thought i was out like a light i woke up two days later anxious confused then i remembered fuck what kind of asshole cant even off themselves without fucking it up here i am five years later and that goddamn feeling is creeping back up i could definitely use a friend,1
i started school and its been hell for mei amhonestly debating suicide at this point i dont know what else to do ever since i started school my anxiety has just been through the roof my parents are divorcedi live with my mom my mom is not financially stable right now my dad abuses me a shit ton every time i see him i have no friends on the internet or in real life i have a bad cuttingself harm problem and ive tried multiple suicide attempts and all of them failed i really dont want to be at school because i feel so uncomfortable there and my mom wont look into doing online school or homeschool for me which pisses me off even morei hate my life and i feel like all thats left is to just fucking off myself,1
i dont have a reason to live anymore ive been through so much trying to grow past my abusive upbringing and actually live life but i am still as weak and useless as when i started i cant even imagine anymore that this is a world where happiness could ever happen for me i dont have any reference experiences of meaning or happiness or even love not a single person wants to be with me which is understandable because i cant give even a pennys worth of value or joy to anyone there is literally no point to my existence i cant do it anymore,1
fuck everything i have nothing left to look forward to and nothing to look up to i can only possibly get 2 gcses one of which ive given up on and the others useless in life i have no social life and cant handle people in the slightest i just curl up on the bench at break with my coat protecting me from the outside world i wasnt always this way ive only realised this since march when my mother committed suicide the day my entire world came crushing downi guess id better explain what this is about ive always grown up in poverty not just we cant afford computers or consoles level of poverty i mean scraping around underneath sofa cushions for 10ps to try and get some bread and milkbut i was happy it taught me to appreciate what little i had and not to worry about what i didnt have and thats how things were for the first 15 years of my lifein 2014 not long after we moved house my mother became friends with a man from down the road and in the summer of last year he invited her out to play pokemon go they admitted that they loved eachother within a few months hed moved in and in march theyd sent off marriage formsso my mother had a man who loves her a nearly 18 year old daughter getting ready for uni a 15 year old trying with his gcses and a 13 year old figuring out what his optionsll be surely this should be the most exciting time as a parentapparently not as on the 10th of march the day after they sent off the marriage forms mum killed herself she didnt leave a note and didnt say goodbye in any way she just went out to the shop and never returnedat that point social were scrambling to figure out what to do with us and the rent situation but its alright we have the fiance to look after uscome mid april hes decided he doesnt care about us and instead of giving us a warning he just packs up and leaves the first thing we knew about it was social calling my sister to let her know that she wouldnt be able to look after my 13 year old brother and i and so wed be put into a foster home it took a month for us to be moved because my brother and i literally cannot share a room and we had to be near a train station so we could visit my older brother and sisterso i was forced to move 23 miles away to a town id never even heard of into a house with upper class cunts who think everyone should be exactly like them who make me pay for literally everything from clothes to the light bulb in my room to pens and pencils myself despite them not letting me look for even a summer job in a cornershop and to a school full of uppermiddle class people whove obviously never had to go without anything and look down upon the poor i had to try and explain to someone in my art class what hunger is and what it feels likethe biggest factors in my final decision are that people live like this while others like my mother kill themselves or even starve to death in britain because theyre barely even earning a quarter of the poverty line and that is my future thats what i have to look forward toheres why i left school at 11 to start helping my mother more because of her depression making things hard for her but i just ended up not having the time for homeed so i will have no qualifications i cant be around people i cant praise myself so a cvs gonna be impossible and i am so fat amateur football clubs turn me down as a goalie despite being better than or at the very least turning up more consistently than their starting keeper the lack of playing made me fatter and sadder because i started comfort eating and now i cant stopand in the past few weeks ive noticed myself waking in the early hours of the morning with a notebook on my lap a pen in my hand and another page of the thoughts i keep firmly locked inside my head for the most part just sprawled across another page stuff like i am not me its all just other peoples versions of me i have lost touch with who i really am how is life a gift answer me that christians people are dying of starvation in britain while foster carers names stuff their pockets people like me shouldnt exist these are the voices i live with 247365 get the fuck out of me please ooh a page here that just says fix me please please help me please i dont know what to do half a page of the end is never the end is never the end is never the end just looping which i swear ive heard somewhere before followed by half a page ofi amscared over and over again dont come near me i said stay back for your own good please help me mummy why am i this way and i will show you i will show you all on the same page and i am not scared anymorei amready for my final dance and thats just the highlights i swear to thenonexistentgodi am not making this upthe only thing thats held me here for so long is the thought of it being my brother to find me lifeless but now i just dont care and dont tell me i dont know whats right for me ive still got about 5060 years left if i dont end it and thats if i try everything in vain to fix my future i dont want that long in the same poverty ive grown up in unlike my mother i cant make 40 last a week and i dont care how selfish suicide is i am selfishthanks for reading even though i know youre rolling your eyes at the thought of yet another depressed teen on here,1
and this is the part where i doubt people even more and consider some options on the table my mom threatened me that if i dont have anything to do in the long runid be thrown out to some far remote place and they went back on their word on trying to help me get back into schooli weighed the options and tried a job at a call center where a relative of mine was starting to work i was able to pass everything but was put on hold since i dont have any proper professional references i got laughed at by him that i dont know my relatives that very much and even mislabeled an inlaw of mine for an uncle when asked if i do have any relatives past or currently working on such fields and at the company where i applied to then my relatives finally agreed with me that i really was isolated by my parents for far too long since i told the hr that my friends are long gone and moved to another country same with professional referencesi amofficially cutting all communications with parents once all these problems are fixed i mean all of their ideas have sent me problems rather than solutions to the original problems they made me go through a person has his quota when it comes to taking some s i was badly hurt when the hr that asked me if i do have a proper set of friendsshe must be weirded out when i said this must be your first time in seeing an applicant that has no set of friends since the people i knew went off to other countries and the ones i i recently knew changed contacts and is unable to contact them adding insult to injury i was hurt by my mom when she reversed psychology me and told me this is issue where it is your fault you have a hard time making friends and you dont have friends fuck that i did have friends and alot of thembut i was forced by my parents to cut off all communications with them and now i am having issues with it in trying to get a job so ,1
cancer several symptoms of cancer inon my body although i wished a couple of years back to get any sicknessdisease since i was a pussy to hangcutfalldie and kill this irrelevant life the only thing encouraging me to continue is my mediocre music having no funds to afford beats copyrights and all those fantsy equipment to buy well not really mediocre but exceptionally well written tbh reviews by several people commended and even wanted me to pursue but i am too overwhelmed and rather play video games to ease my depression sigh imma wait until its stage 4 currently stage 2 guessi am an expiring bomb,1
i tried goodbye,1
this is it i am going to kill myself it is final,1
feelings coming on strong and not going away a year and a half ago i posted this many things have remained the same since i made that post one of which is constantly feeling guilty at work having a suicidal ideation most of the time and not getting too into making plans for suicide because of the guilt of leaving my parents without children however a few weeks back one of my close friends died in what i think is likely a suicide she was an only child her parents are going to grow old without children at their side and this has got me thinking if her parents have to deal with that grief what makes my parents so special that they should be immune from that pain i wrote a note in a heap of emotion before the holiday weekend and even though my emotions have mostly returned to neutral the words in the note still hold true and the more and more i think about it the more it seems to be an objectively acceptable choice not sure wherei am going with this but wanted to post ,1
am so trapped and breathing panic what do i do i quit my job to move back in with myparents cause my job had been making my suicidal thoughts worse and worse but after quitting and talking to them and getting yelled at that i just need to get over my clinical depression and how theyre gonna put me to worki amjust so scared and i have to say goodbye to my friend theyre both military so they dont understand how it feels to really give up on everything but i have i dont belong anywhere i honestly just think i should jump off a bridge ,1
what do you think happens when we diei am really just hoping for it to fade to black like the sopranos did,1
the good times are gone and its my fault i am a worthless man i wish i would just die people smile at me but they secretly dont care whether they see me again or not i cant be trustedi ama horrible personive thought about suicide a lot if i did things would be better for everyonehavent had a proper meal since last thursday anxiety is starving me its what i deserve ,1
i just told my mom thati amtaking transgender hormones and thati amtaking a semester off of college i just dont know right now i havent been suicidal since high school i dont even know ifi amsuicidal right now but i amhaving the same thoughts right now that i had leading up to me trying to kill myself just about once a week for months three years agomy mom was so disappointed in me when i told her these thingsi ampretty sure she thingsi ama fuckup and i kind of feel the same way about myselfi am not sure if i will ever achieve what i want through hormones and i keep wondering if i should just end everythingi dont want to feel this way the thing i hated most about being suicidal in high school was the very real fight against myself leading up to when the suicidal part of me almost woni dont want to go through that again but right now i dont know what to do i dont know if a way out i dont know how i can keep living when i despise myself i look in the mirror and all i feel is hatred towards my appearance i really truly hate myself and i dont know how to fix this,1
being alive this long was a mistake bye,1
hey therei am not depressed and ive never experienced anything particularly tragic or traumatic my life isnt tough i just dont enjoy living iti dont like anyone i dont enjoy anything good night i am just going to bed lol it is 3 am,1
after much deliberation i have come the conclusion that it is time for my life to endi amjust not pleased with life and feel like a man out of placeout of time just doing a bunch of self renovation wont culminate in a fixed souli amjust a empty shell i tried very hard and long tried very long and hard to fix myself none of which was the cure to what i willness vexes meim 27 live with my parents getting government subsidies for mental i willness i get out twice a week with my asshole of a best friend i weigh about 320 at 55 have a hundred dollars to my name i used to be a certified but let it expire i have ibs and i amborderline diabetic my cholesterol is too damn high whats the point i feel like dying would do everyone a favor,1
too much everything feels so heavy in this moment my antidepressants were working for like 6 monthsi am not sure what i did wrong but the past few weeks ive just been getting more and more depressed and suicidal i swear i havent missed a dose so i dont know what the fuck is wrong with mei amwondering if i should just quit taking them since clearly something is fucked either way i just cant get the static in my head to stop and usually theres a rational voice inside my head telling me not to do anything stupid but i dont hear it right now i dont know what to do or who to talk to because if i ask a friend for help itll feel like their help isnt genuine,1
id rather take my own life than let my father do it my father said that if he ever caught me smoking weed or tobacco hed shoot me well he found my pipe vape and other stuff so i guess this is goodbye i hear him finding his guni want to die with dignity and i am going to take things into my own handsthank you reddit for being the best community i ever joinedgoodbye world,1
too pussy to pull the triggeri am so stressed out everyone puts pressure on me as if they just dont see how stressed i am i cant even perform a simple task now in fact i dont even have the guts to pull the triggeri amjust sitting there and having the barrel in my mouth looking for a chance to die,1
i dont think theres someone out there thats capable of truly loving mei am25 i dont thinki ama terrible looking person but every relationship i try just fails i try to be a good person and caring and am accepting of faults but it doesnt seem like theres someone out there that will accept me and my faults i have ptsd and am a very anxious person i really try to have a big offering heart but it just seems like i scare off everyone dating wise with what i have and its making me feel so worthless and so unimportant i just want to feel desired,1
am sorry i have found this subreddit and i have been overwhelmed by the amount of positive support that is given here thank you to each and everyone who has spoken to me you really have helped but i have to take break from it myself it has been heartbreaking to start pm people and have them go silent i fear most if not all i have spoken to are no longer with usto those here for help i know it is hard trust me as someone who nearly threw himself infront of a train yes there are people who do understand and they are here i have been receiving therapy but the people here have been my support no therapist or feel good guru will be able to help like those who actually went through hell and back please give them a chance even if you dont believe in yourself there are total strangers out there that just want you to be happytoday is her itage day in my country so i will be drinking a beer to all of you i wish good fortune for all that visit here both seeking help and those giving itsee you later totsiens tot ziens auf wiedersehen shalom au revoir do svidaniya sl n,1
i need help asap there is this guy i texted on kik he had a really generic story of being too emotional and having an abusive mother he did not send me any scars so i thought he was lying i had some fun little virtual seduction using gifs and then he went all over me that he loves me and started telling me that he will jump off the roof if i dont reply to him i told him that i was having fun and that it wasnt serious and continuously told him that it was all virtual nowi amhaving panic attacks of being arrested if he actually kills himself and i met him on omegle so obviously i thought it was a trap is it help me,1
cannot get the courage to electrocute myself i walk past an electrical station everyday on my way to work it is surrounded by an electrical fence but i figure if i am able to get through the gate i can touch one of the towers and night night last thursday i decided to get everything else set up before i at least try i typed out an email to my mommy sister and my boss on a word doc i cleaned my tiny apartment to a shine and sold a bunch of stuff i was supposed to do it last friday i sat next to the plant for nearly three hours and went home defeated on sunday i bought my favorite rum got really drunk but still pussied out i ended up falling asleep on the street until 4 am and walked home now it is midnight and i havent decided what to do in the day i feel confident up until i get there and i can not do it is it the method that is fucking me up i am starting to think a gun is better quicker i do not want to be left a vegetable for my remaining family to find and be burdened with what should i do i am asking because i assume others on this subreddit are contemplating suicide and might have some insight ps i own only a 22 rifle is this enough to kill i am not experienced with guns and it seems just too small,1
i really dont understand whyi amsuicidal my life is great i got into the university i applied for i have made a bunch of new friends and i even have someone that really fancies me yet the only thing i want is to end it all i want to drop out of uni and just do nothing for the rest of my short life i have already skipped a week of lectures just to be able to lay there and not having to think about anythingi have never considered suicide as a good option before recently and i dont understand why ,1
me again about to climb the internet reception tower near my home i havent slept in days cant even remember what i was going to say i will update when i get to the topedit 1 walking there now my reasons chronic depersonalizationderealization disorder that i will be left with for the rest of my life and a multitude of other reasons,1
ama its my suicide birthdayi amcommitting suicide today in approximately 17hrs today is also my birthday ask me anything,1
amsuch a bad person and i want to change but i cant i dont know if this is the right place to post this but since i do mention suicide ive decided to post this here i told my mom that i wanted to see a therapist back in february and she still yet has to make an appointment with one i dont think she wants me to get help i asked her to do this many times just to get the same answer over and over i will call them tomorrow day of the week i think i should just give up all hope on getting the help i need i dont even know how i managed to stay that hopeful for so long there are days where i feel so motivated and have so much energy i feel like i could do anything such as become the worlds greatest dog trainer or one of the best magicians or other dumb things like that i get so much done on days like that i clean i talk to new people and share my crazy ideas and plans then days where i feel so frustrated and depressed i end up taking my anger out of my family beating myself up questioning my identity and thinking about suicide its exhausting i do so many impulsive things and regret them later i made so many friends last year but cut all contact with a group of them when they didnt message me first i broke two phones because the person i was calling didnt pick up i adopted two cats knowing i cant be there for them all the time i have two cats at my moms and the other two cats i adopted live at my dads dad is almost never home because of his job i tried to fail a certain class because my friend was going to fail and i didnt want them to be lonely i dropped band class because the teacher told me to practice my instrument more i stopped going to high school and joined the homeschooling program to finish my education early when i dont have a reason to i could go on and on about all the stupid things ive done impulsively but this post would be way to longi amselfish and deluded i hate who i am i drink dr pepper to cope go ahead and laugh at me for that but i ambeing serious my teeth are terrible because of all the soda i drink at this point i feel like dying is the only way out hopefully the cold i currently have will worsen and i will die that way,1
the preparations are ready cant hold strong for much longer i said i was gonna kill myself by 18 if i hadnt had a relationship by then and even tho i havent gone trough with it it feels like i have been slowly killling myself ever since that day for the last 6 years i have been isolating myself ruining all my friendships ruining all my family bonds becoming worthless and now that i know nobody is gonna miss me i feel ready to go trough with it no bullshit knife trough the heart maybe some alcohol to numb the pain but thats it probably the 27th momi am sorry ,1
i need everything to stop hello its me again i made a post about three weeks ago saying that i was giving life another chance but if it didnt work out id attempt on the 11th well look where i am now tried to kill myself under a bridge and ended up having to go to the hospital been kept out of school and have had my parents anxiously looking over my shoulder these past two weeks and honestly i wish i had just died right there nothings gotten better my friends hate me now they blame me for everything when really it wasnt their drama to begin with meddlers gonna meddle i guess and my ex well he can go straight to hell maybe i will see him there when i diehonestly though my attempt may have scared me off for a little while but i doubt that i will live out to see halloween or rather i dont exactly want to its not like it would be a spur of the moment decision i have a note and little individual messages written for the fuckers who made everything worse so i guessi amjust waiting for another reason to go why stay alive when everything has gone to shit,1
ambeginning to move towards ending everything ive finally given up hoping that things will ever get better ive been trying and fighting for a decade now and i am too tired and things keep failing anywaysoi amstarting to get rid of my possessions push away my friends and family etc doing my best to do it slowly so no one really notices i imagine it will take a few months at least which is fine i need to figure out how to get money together to get the things i need anyway i dont really know whyi ambother to write any of this here part of me probably doesnt want to die yet and is still trying to find some comfort or hope i dont know i just want to stop existing theres no point to it anymore,1
this week might be it ive been thinking very seriously about doing it for the past month or so but i think this might finally be it maybe even tomorrow ive started looking at every interaction i have through that context ive been thinking about what i want to do on my last day all of these thingsi amjust really tired and really readyi ammaking peace with it a week ago i set myself up at a clinic for therapy and i am still waiting to get assigned to a therapist but on monday i might try to go in and talk to their oncall therapist like they told me i couldi amjust worried that i will be hospitalizedi amtotally uninsured and cant afford that that was one of the only things keeping me from trying to kill myself too i dont have a way to do it that will 100 work and i cant fail again and be in the hospital again maybe me talking to them means i dont really want to do it the thing about therapy is ive been in and out for ten years now since i was ten years old and its just going to be the same thing over and over again because theres something really wrong with me apparently maybe i just dont want to get better bad enough i know its my faulti kind of just want to tell someone my roommates have no idea anything is going on but i cant talk to them i keep thinking about their reactions i just want someone to know that this might really be it for methis is as far as my life was supposed to go and ive been in the process of accepting that for a yeari ammaking peace with it i just realised that it makes me happy to think about howi amalmost done how hopefully this is the end and thats something that i cant remember ever feeling with my ideation or previous attempts and that feels really significant i guessi amjust done,1
feeling so low i don t know what to do and i needed to reach out 16f you can pm me too if you want writing can help you structure your thoughts ,1
either wayi ama burden on mobile so sorry for the shit formatting in the upcoming wall of text killing myself would implode every kind of structure around me my girlfriend is not mentally stable enough to go on after i kill myself and would probably meet the same fate my mom would absolutely kill herself if i didi amthe only child to a teen mom her world kinda revolves around me they knowi amsuicidal which only makes it worse bc i feel guilty that my life is good by all accounts yet i still dont have a reason to live i make everyone around me misserable bc they cant help me ive never had any goals in life ive hated school since i was little and now in my 3rd year of uni its the worst its ever been my ideal life would be a life where i dont do anything literally if i could be a stay at home dad without a child tp take care of my life would be happy or whatever the guy version of a trophy wife sugar momma is everything ive ever been good at is bc its been easy anything i actually enjoy doingi ambad at which eventually makes me hate it the only thing ive ever been good at is videogames and its not likei am going to be a pro gamer any time soon or do anything meaningful with that talent even the enjoyment in that is starting to fadei amcompletely hopelessi amhere counting down the days until i stop caring enough about my mom or gf to let them be my only will to live in the meantime ive stoped giving a fuck about every other facet of my life i basically just exist and existence is bullshit the concept of death feels like it would be a blessingi amcertain suicide is the option for me and know i will go through with it one day just not yet until i decide when i want to die i play overwatch on xb1 alot its basically the only thing that will make me just kinda numb and focus on that instead of ny shitty existence if anyone would like to lobby and talk cool if not thats fine too i dont really expect anyone to give a shit,1
why am i suicidal i have no reason to be suicidal i just am it has never been so tempting to just cut my wrists and end it all,1
what will happen if i tell my school i dont want to go home because of home lifei am15 and from the uk i wont go in details but lets just say everytime i go home i feel as though the gap between my suicidal thoughts and actually commiting suicide gets closer and closer i live with my mum and several siblings,1
valete omnes goodbye all at least thats what i want to sayi am not posting here for advice or sympathy my whole life ive been looked at with pity and sympathy like i am a broken human being while that may be truei am not seeking attention more that i need to put my thoughts and feelings into words and at least know one person read it i want to die every day often i day dream of the different ways of killing myself and id say almost once a week i find myself with a noose around my neck so why havent i killed myself because i have a fianc that loves me more than anything in the world as well as two beautiful dogs one a puppy that ive been raising since she was 7 weeks old not even the three most important things in the world can make me happy but i stay alive because i cant bare to think of what will happen to them if i committed suicide having lost my mother to an od at a young age and my brother to suicide a few years lateri amno stranger to tragedy and i know how much it can ruin a person i truly care about my so more than anything in the world but my hatred for living and myself has become stronger than my love for them i fear not that i dont love him and my pups but at this point my mental i willness seems to have made this relationship kind of impossible it has always seemed inevitable to me that i will end up killing myself one way or another i wish so badly i could finally just do iti amsuch a fucking coward i want to just end it so i dont have to exist anymore i have no joy anymore its either constantly on the verge of having an anxiety attack at work or laying in bed crying because i cant find anything that brings me happiness anymore i think i might do it today one can only hope ,1
amhaving a panic attack please can somebody talk to me sure what s going on,1
why shouldnt i end my life well i am currently in a state of perplexed confusion right now as what to do with my life i hope to begin to explain my predicament in hope someone has a reasonable solution as the steps i can take to be better i guess for a lack of a better word so first of all my life is terrible always has and looks like it always will be first of all i have a condition called trimethylaminuria which is essentially a a chronic body odour chugging genetic condition which allows for ridicule and humiliation on an everyday bases as the condition forces me to smell like a hot steaming pile of garbage regardless of showers or baths i have had this condition for almost 2 years and have lost friends of 10 years because of it and has forced me to become a troll like figure hiding away in my room from the world oh and it is extremely rare and uncurable this would be enough for suicide for some people but unfortunately my misfortunes sadly dont end there as i also have a condition called pectus carinatum which is a chest deformity which causes the sternum to be pushed out in a very visible way which has done a great deal to my self esteem i can assure you since the age of 1314 these conditions both howether pale in the suffering caused by this third curse in which i have obtained huge terrible looking scars that i have ever seen even with the searching on the internet which cover at least 55 of my penis from the base to the tip in which i have absolutely no recollection of its emergence into my life which is a nice mystery for me to investigate in my spare time along with a lifetime of bullying in school for my racebodyshoeswealth and name by children and certain teachers alike i have also been persecuted all my life by my mother who also had blamed me for the abandonment of my father at the age of 7 directly to my face a memory i would like to forget if possible and of course my gambling addiction had manifested itself in order to perhaps accumulate wealth in order to try plaster the abyss known as my self worth bu unfortunately has only concluded in a loss of thousands of pounds and has not been as helpful as i had once thought i am also 19 years of age btw and i apologise for the wording and structure of this writing asi amkinda not okayy,1
throwing in the towel thanks for the support youve all given me from time to time however this is inevitable i cant keep living like this and hoping some stranger will give me advice or pointers on why i should stay alivei am100 meaningless to others i know personally unless my meaning is to be a pedestal for them to stand oni am25 i have no genuine friends and never have the personi am in a relationship withi ampretty sure is only in it for sex the only thing my mother likes about me is my dog and the money i give her ive battled an alcohol addiction that i concurred hoping it would improve my depression it didnt sobriety has only made me more aware of how pointless i am even when it comes to the workplacei amconsistently getting swept under the rug my questions go ignored and anything i say is treated as though it wasnt even heard i often feel like i dont exist so i figure why should i continue to much love and gratitude to you all,1
it feels inevitable am i suicidal right at this moment no the drinking helps the two packs a day helps the music helps because it fills me with such a black rage a profound sadness thati amalmost immobile no one notices i think i seem functional though i get the occasional whats wrong questionsi have been dwelling a lot on the philosophical notions of meaninglessness my thoughts put into words my deepest intuitions explainedmy life is meaningless having children was cruel because i cannot be there for them like theyll need me to be my marriage is a exercise in futility and spite and resentment i regret not leaving for love and staying out of obligationi feel like my end is inevitable everydayi ama little closeri ama little sadderi ama little more convinced thati amright and nonexistence is preferable to pain it wont be the first time ive suffered severe alcohol poisoning twice almost died once maybe next time i will get it right i will walk into the trees behind my house with a few bottles of bourbon and a notebookmy assessment of my life and everyone and everything in it fuck it fuck them fuck this life i dont see the point and without some sort of purpose what am i even doing here it is selftorture,1
tried and failed to kill myself last week and i feel so much worsei amto tried to do anything and i feel like even more of a failure things just keep getting worse and i want it all to stop,1
 _ _ been off zoloft for 2 weeks and i dont miss feeling like this only thing holding me back from relapsing and cutting is i dont want to deal with the mess afterwards i really want to kill myself i dont feel likei am worth anything or ever will be i dont know what i want in life and i wont really amount to much whats even the point in living when youre this miserablei am tired of always falling back into my depression its such a safe spot for me because i push everyone out in fear of them hurting me and hurt myself in the processi amjust tired of everything i really do not wanna keep trying,1
does it ever stop hurting day in day out for 8 years my resilience is thining and death is on my mind i dont know if it will ever stop hurting sometimes it hurts more but there are times when it hurts less too i hope youll hang in there hugs,1
a bad day away i really dont like talking about these things but i need help i feel like i am a bad day away from killing myself right now i mostly fantasize about either slitting my wrists or popping pills it is sick and i think about suicide more than anything else more than girls my future having funmy thoughts have been consumed by suicide i am 17 almost 18 and a senior in high school i have been slipping recently and i am fucking terrified i am about to relapse luckily i made a point to cut all the druggies out of my life but its not like it is hard to get whatever i want i just got a new case manager and i have no idea how to talk to her i was finally about to drop this on my old one after a year of meetings it took me awhile to get comfortable but now she has been transferred i still see her but i have no idea how to talk to her i go to group therapy but talking about my issues dont seem to help i guess it is nice knowing people who understand but i am not one to express these things i dont want to be someones problem i have a reputation for being nice and hardworking and i know i have people who look up to me i dont want to disappoint them i just want to get to point where i am not struggling to survive i can feel the self destruction inside me i dont know how to explain it what do i do how do i be happy how the fuck do people actually feel good about themselves ,1
at the brink of a breakup and feel like i dont have any reason to continue living all i can think about is how its gonna be like not having him by my side not being able to hug him or hold his hand or take care of him when hes sick or have crazy adventures and amazing discussions again and i cant bear to live in a world like thati also think that if its hard for him to break up with me but he wants to then isnt killing myself the best way hell be free from me forever and i dont have to deal with the pain of losing himi need help i need someone to talk toi am so broken right now all i wanna do is curl up in his arms and listen to his voice but i cant because i need to give him space to think fuck,1
whats the point on being alive if there are no motivations no dreams no friends no family,1
i just dont know if i can do thisi amliterally sanding right here with the pills and i want to but no matter how hard i try i lose the nerve and i cant and i dont know what to do and i amconfused and i need helpupdate so first thing firsti amalive and i amhappy to be alive ive always considered suicide as a second option and i guess drunk me i was drunk when i made this post and took those pills decided it was the only option for me i woke up at around 1 am in a pool of vomit in the bathroom i guess drunk me took advice and forced myself to vomit in which case he may have legit saved my life anywaysi am so so so sorry for worrying you guys now i know what sub i need to come to if i need to talk with someone or if something like this happens again i told my roommate about this whole situation and he and i are planning to book a therapist or something this is my first real suicide attempt so i dont want this to happen again to mei am sorry for making you guys worry but now i know who to talk to if things like this happen,1
ive come to realize that the only thing really keeping me alive is my motheri ama grown man yet the only thing thats prevented me from actually going through with anything is my mother more specifically the fact that my mother is physically disabled cant take care of herself and the fact that my father is dead and i amhelping care for her if i died id be condemning her to insanity and who knows what other horrorsi know i cant leave her like that but being miserable is still no way to live,1
i was offered a new job today someone offered me a new job todayi dont know if i would take it i dont know enough details yet but all i can think about is the guilt that i might take it and not be around long enough to make me worth hiringi dont need it i have a good job for all that it matters the me that thinks i should keep trying wants to give it a chance the rest of me says dont do it you already have a planwhy do i do thisi am not happyi am not doing anything to fix it i dont want to be excited about a change wheni amjust going to end up in the same placei amjust going to disappoint myself am i going to live my whole life hoping it will get better while i spend every day trying to destroy myselfmaybe i will take the job it wont matter who i disappoint wheni amgonei dont want it what good is a job and money if everyone just wants to take it from you or expects you to do something good with it i would have been happy when i was poor if i didnt have to be alone nowi am not poor and my only goal is the endi just want to throw it all away give someone else a chance spend it all so that the people who dont care will leave me alone because i have nothing left but i wont because without the good job and the nice housei am nothing less than nothingim sorry sorry for who ive been for for who i cant be sorry for being entitled and lazy and so unhappy with everything i dont deserve this and so many people that deserve better get nothingi dont know whati am going to do anymore i should get rid of all my crap so i dont leave a chore for someone else wheni amgone but even that seems to be more effort than i can manage a burden either way,1
yeahi amdonei amjust gonna get it over with after this weekendfuck thiskind of a goodbye to everyone its been real but i amdoneim tired of this i feel nothing,1
best way to start counselling i have my first counselor session with a brand new counselor soon and i am not sure if i should go in and say everything from how my mother abandoned me to how i have already planned my suicide in one go or if i should build up to it how do i go about it,1
i could use someone anyone i never know how to start these thingsi am not very good at speaking my emotions or my past but allow me to start at the beginning i was 10 when my parents split up my father was an alcoholic id go over to his home on the weekends he was abusive when he was drunk so constantly he verbally and physically harm me my mother met a guy they soon moved in we were like a family me my 2 brothers my half sister my mother and her boyfriend he was abusive very abusive i never got a break after being abused by my step dad on the weekdays id go to my alcoholic fathers house and get abused there now fast forward to me being 11 the abuse was still going on to get away from it id stay at my cousins house she was my age and was my best friend i loved her more than anything one night around 7 pm her father demanded she go to her room and sleep i thought it was odd that he didnt make us both go he made me stay you probably know where this is going he sat me down and explained what uncles and nieces do when they love each other keep in mind i was 11 and confused he then gave me apple juice which tasted very funny he told me to drink it all as it would be a waste if i hadnt i remember specifically looking at the clock and it reading 743 pm and feeling light headed he guided me to his bedroom and upon looking around i noticed a pile of white socks on the vanity there was an obvious camera hidden in them he demanded i undress myself then to lay on the bed yes he raped me i play this moment in my head so many times looking in the mirror on the vanity and seeing him on top of me the look on my face i was terrified scared and frozen it felt like the room was spinning after what seemed like an eternity he was done he told me to put my clothes on and as i was doing so in his words he said dont tell anyone about our secret you slut months go by until realizing i wasnt his only special friend his daughter my sister my brother and finally his baby niece hes gone to prison for this but he was only charged with raping his daughter in prison he threatened me for telling my mother he was released last year after the news of my uncle molesting me came out my father was disgusted in me he said that it was hard to look at me he never let me in his house again my fathers last words to me were i never wanted you just die already i havent seen him to this day he has a new family he was my hero my everything i love you dad since i no longer saw my father i was with my mother during the weekdays and weekends she was busy providing for us by working constantly her husband was a semi delivery guy so he was hardly home i was left with my brothers any chance they got to sexually touch me they took it one of them demanded sexual favors or they would tell my mother that ive done something bad resulting in me getting an even worse beating from my step dad when he got home i couldnt do that so i let my brothers have their way during all of this i met someone sounds a little young to be dating yes but it wasnt anything sexual he was really kind to me hes still my best friend to this day we dated for 2 years until i left him he introduced me to his cousin who was our age me being dumb and young i started dating him instead after 2 years of sexualmentalphysical abuse he left me i felt incredibly lost without him i didnt want to be alone the first guy being the sweetheart he is was there for me i was too scared to be in another relationship so i turned him away i regret leaving him to this day hes my best friend that ive always been secretly in love with i stopped dating for some long years fast forward to me being 15 my mother started noticing my depression it was becoming difficult to cover up after a scary overdose she decided i needed to start over she moved me from indiana all the way to florida ive never been to florida before i lived here god bless her she thought it would do more good than harm i isolated myself 3 years i was alone i hadnt hung out with a friend in 3 full years after many failed suicides and antidepressant medication i found hope within myself i was starting to become better happier i was doing so great but then my grandmother fell i will she passed in june of last year i felt incredibly lost i loved her i looked up to her and seemed advice from her she was no longer with me that set me back so far i isolated myself again i started experimenting around with self harm i oddly found so much comfort in it i overdosed on depression medication ironic i know after i recovered i decided i had to do something with my life i met a guy in march of this year i became attached he was into me it was going well until he broke it off after a month of no contact and sleepless nights of crying he unexpectedly showed up at my house he begged for me back i said yes he only wanted to be my fwb and if he was still interested in me hed turn it into a relationshipi am not dumb i know he was using me but i didnt want to be alone after being isolated by myself for 3 years and then feeling what its like to not be alone i couldnt go back to it i just couldnt it was hell to me we were fwb for a long while and i thought it was going so well i had my life together i was looking for a job getting my license and things were starting to look up but then last week he called me he told me he just wants to be friends and get to know each other and then hopefully progress into a relationship that made me anxious he didnt want to do anything sexual with me i couldnt read him at all he came over today we watched anime together he then came onto me and sexual things did happen of course i didnt reject it i didnt want to upset him or lose him in any way after everything was done he told me we have to stop doing this we need to just be friends which made me feel guilty and ashamed even though he came onto mei amafraid of losing him hes the only person i have in my life right now hes the only one ive seen in 3 yearsi amafraid to be alone again i dont want to go back to that dark place i honestly cant do this anymore i hope i will get better but at the same time i hope i give up so i wont have to fight anymore i have severe depression anxiety suicidal tendencies and insomnia having one of those is horrendous having them all at the same time is helli amwriting this after taking a bunch of mixed pillsi amlaying in my bathtub deciding whether to fill it up with warm water or just lay here in the cold all of my suicide attempts were inthemoment type scenarios this is onei am not scared of death its the dying thati amterrified ofgoodnight everyone and may your lives be as bright as your dreams ,1
killing myself either tonight or tomorrow i cant deal with school my parents constantly yelling at me the idea that my girls going to leave me because i have no way of communicating with her anymore because my parents have my phone and the fact that i have no futurei am sorry to whoever is reading this but i amdone i just cant take it anymore,1
id be happier if there were an easy way outjust in case i have attempted suicide before and looked up how on the internet and it seems there no painless way to do it i think it should be legal to do it so theres a way to go peacefullyim not quite suicidal its partially for the reasons ive listed above and also because i have some hope left but the outlook doesnt look goodive had lyme disease for the past 20 years and i amalmost 40 i live with my parentsi amalso transgender but i cant do anything about it because my parents dont support me and this has brought up other issues with my parents that go all the way back to my childhoodi am too tired to type any more but if you check my comment history youll see more details of my situationso basicallyi am in a limbo state it feels like i cant die and i cant live if i failed an attempt then maybe id get sent to a mental hospital which would be hell compared to this but thats what i mean about having an easy way out things are bad but they can get much worse and i want to be prepared for that rather than live the last weeks months or even years in horrible agony,1
it was so cold last night i figured i would not wake up but i did and i was sad but i know that soon i will close my eyes and i wont wake upi am so glad for that that i dont even feel sad about not dying last night bad things dont bother me anymore it rained and all my food got wet i cant get anymore until monday but thats okay now when bad things happen to me it just meansi amcloser to death this is the first time i can remember that ive felt good just thought id share that with all of you,1
i dont fucking need to be here fuck this bullshit of a fucking life i am just doing nothing wasting time for every fucking person that knows me i am a horrible person and i am just as useless i suck at literally everything there is not a single reason i should be alive so fuck it there must be something to killing myself if i tried it already and i still think its the best option i dont even care anymore if i hurt anyone with it this is just bullshit that is not worth it ,1
i want to die but know i will only get in my own way of doing it quite honestly i feel like thats more or less the story of my life when it comes to doing anything making friends social anxietys got me covered making something of myself depression and scatterbrain forgetfulness will help me keep my motivation down and in my fucking placeit goes without saying for how badly i want to die ive wanted to die this badly for years now only able to ignore when i can both have something to distract myself and my own brain decides it wants to give me a fucking break with feeling absolutely miserable somehow i had it in my head that being at college would help force me into an environment where i could try something different be around people my age and hopefully learn how to be a human being that can laugh drink screw and enjoy other peoples companybut of course thats not happeninginstead ive only dug myself into a deeper ditch where i can watch other people my age having friends laughing enjoying ones company while i sit here like a fucking statue watching them and constantly being reminded that i will never have the things that they have to make life worth livingand if i cant find life worth living then whats the point of even trying if anything merely existing brings people down more than it lifts people up with how goddamned socially awkward i am not even getting started on other shit thats wrong with meso yeah i want to kill myself but at the same time i know how pointless it to want it because somehow i cant help but think its going to be yet another thing i cannot have that i will sabotage it or some fucked up god in this world will lay the cards out to ensure i fail or chicken out at the last minute i can see myself sticking a gun in my mouth and i fantasize about having the balls to pull the trigger before getting frustrated when i know that i dont have the balls and will never have the balls and just chicken out at the last secondits at that moment when i go ahead and let that single instance in my head fade away that i feel truly trapped like i dont have any sort of escape unless someone kills me against my own will something i cant help but doubt happening because of how goddamned lucky i seem to be always feeling at the bottom of life but always being just out of reach of happiness or prosperity for that tease to simply existsorry if this rambling mess doesnt make any fucking sense but the tldr i guess is that i fucking hate living and i fucking hate myself for not having the resolve to just end my life at least then i could pretend in that instance that i had something,1
i am tired of surviving i dont feel like i have really lived this year ive just survived when my husband lost his job we survived when my baby didnt have a heartbeat anymore we just survived when my fil got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer we survived its all we have donebut now my due date is a month away and i dont think i can survive anymore i really dont everyday it hurts i should be getting ready for being a mom and insteadi amlaying in bed imagining ways to hurt myself i have to see my friends get ready to have their babies and hate that its not mei just cant any more i hate not being pregnant i hate not being a mom i hate that my baby is dead i hate that my body failed meand i hate that i have to be strong my husband is watching his farther die i cant give him more to worry about so i havent said anything to him about thisi havent told me that ive relapsed back into my eating disorder its so bad my throat aches my voice is going out my chest hurts but i cant stop purging i know its killing me and i cant stopand i want to self harm i cant because it would kill my husband but i want to just carve out all the bad stuff i just want to die i want to stop hurting so much all the time i want to stop surviving hes gone this week and i am so close to just ending iti am not living anymorei amjust surviving whats the point i hate myself for even considering it but this isnt a life ,1
update tried to hang myself last night and the rope came undone last second still here i called my friend in hysterics stayed at her house came home today told my husband and hes not phased at all he actually went to sleep a little bit ago since your friend is supportive you stay with them for awhile emotional support is really important,1
amscaredi amfinally going to kill myself thats iti amscaredi am going to do it i still make throwaways when i post here becausei amscared about someone finding out who i really am but now theres a part of me that hopes someone does ive given up on life after 7 years waiting for it to get betteri amdrained i feel empty sure there are short periods where i feel ok but pushing my way through every day with a feeling of complete worthlessness has depleted me i used to say the only thing keeping me from killing myself was my old dog and best friend hes been dead for 6 months and 5 days nowi amscared,1
amjust tiredi am tired of pretendingi amhappy every dayi am tired of trying to be friends with flakey people who only care about having the most exciting time possible rather than experiencing actual human connectioni am tired of going on endless first dates only to be ghosted immediately afteri am tired of putting in countless hours of work thatll amount to nothing wheni amgonei am tired of fucking everything and theres nothing i can do to stop feeling this wayi am tired of trying its been more than 6 years and it feels like this depression is here to stay i cant kill myself it would be too selfish to the people that really do care about me it feels likei ama hollow shell just drifting through life hoping someday things will be better i know change comes from within i know things wont be better for me till i make the choice of happiness but thats just more fucking pretending when will the stigma of depression end once enough of us have killed ourselves my life is a lie and i just dont know what to do ,1
ama worthless waste of everyones time never should have been born and i never had a fucking chance i feel like ive been standing still for years while everyone else moves around me and improves their lives or at least does something to make themselves happy i cant climb out of this financial hole and i cant improve myself i can barely do anything on my own becausei amhuman garbagei amstuck in a relationship that i dont think i want he doesnt even have sex with me the only time i get attention is wheni amsexually harassed by strangers people i thought were friends just wanted to fuck me because apparently thats my only value and since i cant kill myself i will eventually get old and ugly and then i will be nothingi cant even think straight or stop crying long enough to properly end this rant so trdr i hate my stupid piece of shit self and i wish i could just sleep forever and dream about not being a loser fuck up,1
am so tired i cant do it anymorei am so fucking tired and i dont understand why everything has to keep going wrong id just gotten back into studying at uni after taking time off because one of my tutors died back in march and i broke my arm in april then i go and break my other arm while rollerblading shattered my wrist entirely and underwent surgery to have a plate and screws inserted found out a few weeks after that i have early osteoporosisi amonly 30 it explains why my arms keep breaking but i amgutted cant cope with any of this ive been on antidepressants since june but i still feel like shit and guilty i have moments where i dont want to be here but i feel bad because of all the effort the doctors and surgeons went to to fix my wrist and the physios who are helping restore my movement on top of that my uni has decided to no longer offer counselling to students so i have no one to talk to i just tried a crisis line an hour ago and the guy was totally fucking useless and now i feel like shit and want to overdose why does it have to be like this,1
its been a whilei am not sure if this is allowed and i am so sorry if its not but i just didnt know where else to post this about 2 and a half years ago i posted here on a random account a lot of bad things had happened and i really wanted to end all my pain i felt so alone and unloved so many people here talked to me and made me feel better but i was still so down that i had my mind made up long story short i failed and ended up in the hospital there was one person in particular that i remember talking to me the most i remember the last message he sent me said he would talk to me the next day and that if he didnt hear from me again then hed know the worst had happened unfortunately i cant remember their name or even the account i used so i have no way of finding them i know its been so long but if youre still out there i just wanted you to know that i am okay i made it somehow and nowi amplanning on getting married to the love of my life i still get suicidal thoughts but i can handle it a little better these days and i just wanted to say thank you to that one awesome person and all the other kind stagers here i know its vague but its all ive got sorry if i worried anyone,1
am going to snap i dont know ifi am going to break everything in my house or ifi am going to kill myself but i cant fucking take this shit anymore i thought id be able to get two appointments with my therapist this week but of course that couldnt happen i have no support outside of that every minute of every day is nothing but fucking pain just make it stop,1
one day i want a gun and then bye bye no more having to deal with anyone elses stupid bullshit it looks like i have it together but i have a burning desire to drop dead after silly little things because i am not fit for this place and it is so apparent everyone is so dumb the most stupid of things need an apology if i could just shut the fuck up forever and stop being on social media i could survive but thats not happening cause i cant do that causei amretarded,1
cant take it anymore dont want it anymore feel lame for posting what i feel like is just an attention seeking cry for help but i amalso feeling dangerously more depressed than usual and have no other outlet to go toive been suffering with depression anxiety and mental i willness for the better part of 20 years have been on almost every antidepressant antianxiety antipsychotic and mood stabilizing medication you can think of and endless combinations of them mixed and matched together none have helped have been hospitalized five times in my life for suicide attempts twice in the past six months at a state mental hospital only made me feel worse been in professional therapy for just as long and its a waste of time for everyone involvedive been diagnosed with autism just recently at the age of 30 and have likely been struggling with it for years i am consumed by stress anger and hatred and am on the verge of being an alcoholic ifi am not one alreadyi am in a large amount of debt and have a shitty unfulfilling job with no health insurance so my options are limited to cheap and often inefficient uncaring providers i have no real friends and my very limited family understands nothing of mental i willness and would only care if i was gone due to the inconveniences it would cause them i dont want it anymore i feel like i dont truly want to get better i dont enjoy life and i am tired of the constant uphill struggle for no reward i didnt ask for any of this and i just want outi am not equipped to deal with it anymorei never wasi am angry and hurt and scared and dont know what to do i refuse to go back to the hospital i will choose death any day of the week over that bullshitim sorry i feel foolish to post this at all i wish this on no one,1
do the suicidal thoughts go away i first started having them earlier this summer in the aftermath of an extremely painful break up i constantly wanted to swerve into oncoming traffic or just fall from a high place it was an outlet some way for me to feel something anything when all that was left was emptiness towards the end of the summer things took a change i lost all sense of hope and nowi amdistancing myself from everyone its no longer about the break up more my failure as a person although though i still cant get her out of my head i dont know if i will be able to make it to december so that i wont have to face my family as the disappointment ive become for me whats scary is that none of this feels new its the same feeling ive always had its just never given itself form i dont know if it will ever go away since it has always been there do they go away,1
13 year old daughter tried to overdose hii am not sure if this is where i post this and if its the wrong place please redirect me12 weeks ago my 13 year old daughter took an overdose thankfully she told me and i was able to help her before it was too lateher reasons for taking this action was severe bullying at school she is seeing a counsellor as often as she needs i enrolled her and have been taking her to a weekly program that helps rebuild confidence and self esteem which she graduates from this week i have also taken her to a colour and bio rhythm therapist for healing as i believe we need to heal her mind spirit and body we have another two sessions to go and i bought her some angel oracle cards for positive daily affirmations that she can carry on her whilst at schooli have been dealing with the school to ensure that she feels safe and i stay in contact with her by txt during her breaks telling bad jokes sending funny pictures trying to keep her spirits up etcevery afternoon when she comes home we talk about her dayi am trying to help her destress and analyse things that have happenedi am worried that what i am doing wont be enough that i wont be able to save her i believe we have a close relationship and i knew she was unhappy and that kids where not being very nice i didnt know how much it was affecting her because at home she was still cheeky and fun loving but she didnt want to go anywhere unless she was with familywe are also talking about her going to live with her grandparents so she can attend a different high school although i would hate that as id miss her like crazyat her current school the number of kids that are self harming is astronomical but i have learned that a number of the high schools in my country are experiencing this issue and as a mother that is extremely frighteningif you can think of anything else i can do for her i would be extremely grateful,1
i feel better hi this is an alternate account but i thought i would tell you all a few years ago i hit rock bottom i couldnt find a boyfriend i got demoted at work and i found myself off longterm sick and just sat around moping at home alone every day i had no prospects and no future and so i odd on some medication it was fucking stupid i vomited it back up since then my life has got better unexpectedly you never ever know what the next day might bring i learned to drive i have a new job new friends that really care about me i have a new career prospect opening soon ive taken up art and crafts which makes me happy things like woodwork and cosplay most importantly i met the love of my life and weve recently bought a house together its the most wonderful feeling i dont mean to brag or boast i simply wanted to share me at my absolute worst and seeing no future and just being all but dead every day i just existing to now a happy independent man who loves life i never ever wouldve thought that just two years ago today i would try to kill myself and now two years later things have done an about turn two years seems like a long time but things will get better ,1
unsure that i can continue to go on lately ive been feeling a mixture of emotions and i amvery confused as to whyi am still in such a negative state ive been really trying to do better for myself i amkeeping myself somewhat healthy i am trying a bit more in school i try to talk to people as much as possible i get outside as much as i can comfortably i take my medication i am still absolutely miserable i hate myself my body despite my attempt at being healthy is pretty bad especially sincei amyoung my face is my best feature and thats saying something because i dont have a good looking face to begin with i feel unfulfilled i know that fulfillment comes with time and effort but ive been trying to do some things to feel more accomplished and i just cant it isnt enough i am not adding anything to society around me and thats important for me not as much as i should be doing is always what i think and another big thing that makes me feel awful is my lack of companionship i feel emotionally cold at night knowing that there isnt anyone that wants to be with me and i know that isnt abnormal because everyone generally wants to be loved in some way just a whole mix of everything going on makes me feel like a horrible person i feel like ending it and legitimately i could most likely do it very easily now everyone thinks thati amgetting better i could very well fake recovery and then just give up i amrambling but the main point is thati amconfused as to where to go from this point i could try to keep going but my state of mind is deteriorating so the other and frankly the easier and somewhat better is suicide ,1
amugly i dont want to live anymorei amto ugly to care about being alivei amugly and i amstupid,1
amholding on for my cousins soi am in this program where i do my let two years of high school and my first two years of college at the same timeim taking 4 ap classes along with the college classesit is intensive and i cant deal with the stress anymore i dont know how i manage to make it through every day i have a psychologist and a psychiatrist ive been diagnosed with anxiety and depression i take a daily anti depressant and yet the only reasoni amalive is because of my little cousinstheyre both 6 years old and i cant bear the thought of my family having to explain the concept of suicide to them thusi am still here,1
don t feel like trying anymore to make a long story shorter i ll give you the tldr of my life when i was four my dad drank and drive and then hit and killed and old lady and was sentenced to 12 years in prison my mom who had only ever had summer jobs as a teenager was forced to take care of me and my two sisters and didn t do that great if a job not that a blame her all that much i understand her life wasn t that great either she started doing drugs and hanging out with iffy people and leaving me i m iffy people s care she started dating a guy on and off for almost nine years who was a registered sex offender and as a result i got taken away by cps quite a few times one of the people she left me with was a family friend who ended up molesting me when i was about ten we moved around a bit and i stayed with family members or family friends whenever i was taken away when i was about 12 we settled in one place finally and my dad was released out of prison on good behavior when i was 14 i started dating my best friend and came out to my mother that i was gay which she accepted my dad did not and to this day sends me religious things telling me to repent before i go to hell my sisters who are much older and who i m not very close with have always been iffy on it for example i wasn t allowed to bring my then fianc e over last christmas because of it high school was an iffy time as well my relationship wasn t stable as my girlfriend had loads of mental problems and baggage as well i ended up breaking up with her after some problems and i treated her like absolute shit along with most of my friends life had handed me a bad hand and i was angry about it and took it out on the people i cared about which was shitty i dated a new girl who broke up with my my senior year and caused me to go into a worse depression i got back with my ex and we dated until now my sophomore year in college i even proposed last year and we had plans on getting married this december yesterday i found out she had been messaging her ex who i didn t like had tried many times to get her back all throughout high school and college about meeting up and getting drunk and so on i confronted her and asked her why and she confessed she was scared because she didn t want the same things in life as me i don t even know what we are anymore just know we aren t getting married that s for sure i ve spent the past two days laying in bed crying when i was younger and depressed i was angry and wanted action i would write suicide notes and lash out and such but now i don t have the energy i don t even think i have the energy to kill my self but i know for a fact if there was a button i could press to wipe me out of existence i would do it without hesitation i ve hurt so many people i love and honestly i don t deserve their forgiveness i want to fix so many things but i m honestly such a broken human being that i know i would mess it up and just hurt more people my fianc e girlfriend friend says she wants to still be with me and that even if we part later we can still enjoy each other now but i don t think i could handle it fuck i can t handle it now i feel like i m being crushed by everything that has ever happened to me or that i ve done and that i can t breathe i want to die so i don t hurt anyone else and that i don t hurt anymore this was one of my worst fears realized i know being with another person is hard and i know it s a lot of work and i was willing to do that with her but sometimes it doesn t work out sometimes no matter how much you love someone and no matter how hard you work you just want different things and that scared me so much and now it s true we both love each other but in the end one of us won t be happy and for that we can t be together and idk i just feel broken i don t have the energy anymore to type i m sorry for rambling ,1
just procrastinating again missed an assignment yesterday missing work deadlines not filing my reports n stuff everything is just at the edge i could put a real life together but why whats so great about living iunno i just wish i could just kill myself but like everything elsei am too worthless to do anything,1
i made a promise i recently entered a great high school one of the best in my state and my mom is super excited about it but honestly while ive made some good friends and like learning i still dont enjoy it every night i dread the next day because i will have to put on a facade and pretendi amhappy and care free oh yeah and i amalmost always feeling empty and lonely and think about suicide almost every day so that really helps anyways the promise is that if i fail all of my classes i will kill myself its that easy i will be able to escape me disappointing my family like i always do i will be able to escape the loneliness the dread everything that constantly weighs me down i will be able to spend an eternity in the paradise of non existence but ifi am too pussy for that i guess i will drop out and maybe work up the courage to kill myself later on ,1
need help with suicidal exboyfriend hey guys i just needed some advice and made a throw away because my ex knows my reddit accountokay so me and my ex broke up about a month ago but we still talk everyday we still have sex sometimes and we also sometimes hang out and its a lot of fun we laugh a lot he broke up with me because i just wasnt that good of a girlfriend and did some pretty mean things and things just didnt work out and he just needed space and didnt need my life in his hands i threatened suicide many times in order to get him to stay with me manipulative and shitty i know and i know better now after a long time of crying and feeling suicidal myselfi amfinally just okay about things between us today he told me hes been feeling so suicidal lately and the only reason he wont kill himself is because of his little sister he feels so alone and feels like he has no real friends his family sent his to a rtc for 2 years and he has this resentment towards his parents because they sent him away because he pissed dirty but not when he tried killing himself so he knows it wasnt out of them caring about him i told him so many times that i care about him and love him a lot still but he just doesnt feel it and believe itin my communications class we learned about this thing called a love language and long story short he really only feels love through service actions and i really only feel love through affirming words so for a long time we were just not sending love that is catered to each other because he would always show me but never really tell me and i would always tell him but never really show him okay so anyways i want advice on how to show him i care and love him through actions this was my first real relationship and i am still rusty on what to do i want him to not feel suicidal and depressed how do you guys feel validated and loved through actions what are some things people do that makes you feel good about yourself and life i know this post probably belongs in the relationship subreddit but i would never go there for actual advice and him and i being suicidal just felt like this was a good place to go since i often post here on my main account and i just feel so comfortable expressing myself here but also i do delete my posts after my episode goes awaythank you ,1
carotid best method to constrict carotid artery such that i lose consciousness need to keep airway open please note i will be alone no assistance from outside party thanks,1
am trying so hard crosspost from stopselfharm to not hurt myself badly or worse i cant stop crying thinking about my ex with his new gf i cant take it anymore i have neurological problems that are getting worse such bad anxiety cutting isnt enough anymore i want to just go out at night and be raped and killed,1
am i selfish sister of suicidal personi amthe younger sister of a suicidal personi am going into uni this falli am going to school out of state 5 hr plane away and my mom is actually with me rn to get me settled and stuff yesterday we had a scare when my siblings so texted my mom and said my sibling was suicidal my sibling has been in outpatient therapy for about 5 days and they said yesterday was just a bad day for them but my mom decided to come home tomorrow bc my sibling is alone at home and ofc shes worried about what theyll do i understand this and i was the one who actually convinced my mom to go home early bc i want my sibling to be safe however i really feel kinda upset about her going home early growing up my other siblings were always the ones who got all the attention and i was the one left in the dust i know theyre not doing this for attention but i cant help but feel like its never my turn i dont want to be like this bc my sibling needs all the support they can get right now am i being selfish ,1
a rather comforting realisationi ama 15 year old whos been diagnosed with depression and anxiety i take medication for both and have had a lot of shit with school and my wellbeing i always used to hide away and think how pointless everything is and how it doesnt matter one way or the other i still believe in that but i have a new perspective on it the way i see it now is i am free to experience different aspects of life and see what i create of this and the most comforting part of this stems from my fear of having a shit life which is that when all is over nothing will matter either wayopinions on my ideas,1
its weird even when i dont necessarily feel depressed the thoughts are still there i guess a part of me just knows its inevitable a lot of the time i feel likei ammourning for my own death ,1
tonight i almost overdosed on pills tomorrowi amgetting help ive been considering going to counselling for a while now just a few days ago i finally started looking at places i could go to and today i almost killed myselfi am not going to put it off any longer this wasnt my first close call but it was definitely the worst i now know that i am no longer in control of my emotions i now know that this goes beyond just a depression i now know thati amruining my relationship with my girlfriend the only thing i ever hold on to anymore i now know thati ama danger to myself and others as long as i can make it through the night i will finally go get help tomorrow i really do want to change well i have to change and hopefully this will be the first step in doing so i am a little skeptical it seems like a lot of the process is about goals and next steps which doesnt sound like it will really help i also worry i wont say the right things that i wont get my point across and fully explain the wayi amfeeling i dont think i know anything about the way i feel to be honest and in general the whole process of counselling is very intimidating to me this is probably my last hope so again heres hoping ,1
leaving due to chronic paini am not sure what to do i feel like i cant go onmy chronic pain is getting in the way of my dreams its hard to focus on anythingi amunemployed despite searching for work the past yeari amuseless when i volunteer because of the pain ive been homeless my parents threaten to kick me out on a weekly basis i want to make the world a less painful placei have memory problems from a previous injuryi am not as smart as i used to bei amconstantly in agony i feel like its time to end things i need to give myself some mercy,1
last cry for help with suicide note i have written my suicide note as below and now i just feel like a failure for not trying hard enough to save myself please let me know what you think i should do i think i have tried everythingi just wanted to thank you for being in my life no matter how brief that may have been you have brought joy and love to my life and i cannot begin to explain how grateful i am for that if you re reading this i would have attempted suicide for what will hopefully be the very last time i am sure you will have your own feelings about this and i assure you they are valid and i respect themi have been depressed for most of my life now that doesn t mean the happy moments we have had were fake they were real but i guess they were just too far and few in between this year would prove to be unbearably painful for me i started to experience hallucinations voices that just wouldn t leave me alone voices that would put me down and instruct me to harm myself and others my grasp of reality was loosening what followed was months spent in pain and alonei would finally ask for help they put me on meds people would come to check on me and when things really got bad i was admitted to hospital however the drugs numbed me emotionally i didn t feel sad anymore but then again i didn t feel anything there was no point to anything and i was better off feeling depressed a few months later my hallucinations would come back and my mood would drop i have had enough believe me i have tried but i have come to the conclusion that i am unfit for life i cannot support myself and refuse to be a burden to my friends family and society for the rest of my life i was once hoping to do good in the world but now i realise i have become a liability my medication doesn t work and i am tired of trying i always get my hopes up just to have them completely destroyed i have had enough sorry for probably ruining your day but i just wanted to let you know that you are special and i hope you have a beautiful life thanks,1
i feel awkward talking to my friends throwaway time i just feel really bad lately but depressed would be an overstatement i guess and i didnt know where to post to ask for help i have a lot of friends like were a group of 10 or so and i can trust everyone i think however i really feel awkward talking to them about how i feel lately to not be laughed at like i am a drama queen or something because i always seem happy and dont mind stuff generallyidk whats wrong lately since they wont believe i am not jokingwhat you guys do i really have no one to talk to about my depression as of late ,1
feeling suicidal but dont want to be ive been suicidal for a long time ive attempted in the past right nowi am going through a hard time trying to take care of a friend whos just getting worse i want to be able to support them properly but at the same time i feel like i cant and i want to die but i donti am trying to reach out to professionals to ask how i could better help my friend during this i dont know what to do if i lose my friend theni amdying too i wont be able to handle it ,1
troubledi am14 and my girlfriend just dumped me because i did something really bad not cheatinglevel but bad and shes telling my friends and they all are turning against me and i just feel really empty inside and i dont want to go to school and i realised that many of my friends are toxic and it hurts that the only person who isnt toxic to me is my girlfriend i miss her so much and i love her and i dont know why i did that but i cant do anything to get her back now shes moved on and i amstuck i dont know anyone i can talk to i cant anymore i cant,1
piercings piercings are something i use to express myself but when they put the needle through my lip or ears it gives me the same feeling that selfharming does it numbs the pain for a split second though with piercings people wont throw me in a mental hospital like they would if they seen my cuts burns,1
i rlly want to die and that makes me rlly sad because i have nothing to be sad about i have no family issues no relationship problems and life should be good and that makes me even more sad i want you to know that i feel 100 exactly the way you do i have such a good life i just dont understand why am so miserable so i dont know if that helps you anyway but i did want to tell you that,1
recovering emotionally from an attempt last year after at least 6 major life events happened over just a few months i attempted suicide with a method that would have killed me had i not texted for help something i dont even remember doing i actually posted here on a different account before and after i spent 25 weeks in the hospital and i amon different meds for my depressionanxiety nowmy question now is how can i recover emotionally from the attempt when the primary thing that pushed me over the edge was my shame over my impaired sexual development thats not something that i can easily change about myself can i ever be at peace a conversation with my mom triggered thoughts about suicide again today and all the therapy sessions ive had since last year have been pointless because they cant fix the underlying issue behind my desire to end it all,1
ive never been as suicidal as ive been this past month or two ive started thinking up a plan ive started writing letters to people i dont have anything concrete but its calming to think that the end is in sight and eventually i will be free,1
i feel myself giving up more and more each day hi i have no idea where to turn i am convinced that i have maybe borderline or bipolar i am tired of being dramatic attention seeking and trying to use my friends as a support system its pretty clear that after 3 weeks straight of my hopelessness they are over it and you know they have to deal with their own lives and cant be at my beck and call if i need help with stabilizing myselfi amjust not sure what to do anymore even the hotlines seem scripted and awful ,1
am so fucking lonely i dont fucking know what to do ive been on and off having suicidal thoughts for the past 6 years or so but its the worst its ever been now ive been missing classes and some days i just lay in bed all dayi ama long way from home for college and my only social interaction outside of the classes i attend is when i see my family during breaks i used to be really social and had tons of friends but now i dont have anyone the only thing thats kept me from killing myself is knowing how heartbroken my family would be bit the longeri amaway the less of a motivation that is i go to the campus center to get food some days just so i can sit near other people i crave human interaction but i dont have any and i amterrified of putting myself out there,1
sex repulsed and feeling hopeless hello redditi amat the end of my rope nothing but these harmful thoughts have been in my mind for weeks for the past two years ive been with someone i care for very much this person wasnt aware of this when we got together and was the one to take my virginity because i was never okay with it before but wanted to give them a chance a few months in they found out i was against sex and touch of most kind i dislike being kissed i dislike being held for long periods i dislike sex immensely it is painful for me and i feel miserable disgusted every time this partner has started suggesting that they can no longer go on with a loveless relationship so i need to shut up and take it instead of telling them no i cant do it but i cant leave either i rely on them live with them financially we share our responsibilities and i amunable to pay for our home by myselfi amat my wits end if not for my cat id be gone by now i think nothing but i want to die i hope i get hit by a car today or i hope i get into a coma so i can wake up and thisll be over id be so much happier if i knew this would come to an end and i wouldnt be forced to be in pain uncomfortable miserable for the rest of my life relying on someone to keep me alive when i could end iti amfeeling hopeless ,1
ok nowi amscared i was so certain that id be able to go to school and get into a trade and that would be a high paying job that would allow me to live my life but i totally didnt realize that for every trade you need math skills i am not mathematically inclined in facti amshit at it maybe some trades have less or simpler math than others am i doomed to fail at life because of my sheer lack of intelligence ,1
i honestly dont know what to do just in the last hour my roommates unanimously agreed that i have to go i dont have any family to fall back on and i just emptied my bank account trying to make sure myself and all my roommates were covered on bills i dont have the money to support myself without a roommate or even buy food to subsist off of i am so lost i dont have a vehicle to transport any of my stuff in or get to work with if i cant find a place to go nearby,1
fuck dude i just need someone theres no one i can tell whati amactually thinking ive just been on this decline of wanting to kill myself and now instead of trying to get better i just try to convince myself more and more to do it,1
self destructing you ever purposely do things that you know will make your life worse you stay up late posting on suicide forums knowing that it will make work awful tomorrow you ever sit at work doing nothing knowing that it will get you closer and closer to being fired you ever lie in bed all morning instead of driving to work so that youll be late and everyone will look down on you you ever avoid paying your bills day after day even though you never really forget you just avoid doing itever since my father died i have felt likei amplaying a game of marco polo but no one calls out polo in returni amjust blind wandering around with no purpose is there anyone out there at all i know there might be but i am too afraid to open my eyesi just want to make it to the weekend please god let me make it to the weekend,1
please i can t take it anymore i just want to die i don t care about the aftermath of the pain of family friends there is legitimately no way it compares to my own i just need a painless way to die i ve considered flipping my car putting a knife in an outlet pulling a cord tightly around my neck etc etc i need something easy i can t take it ,1
ive been feeling hopeless every day is torture ive been dealing with gender dysphoria for most of my life and its gotten to the point where it feels like nothing will ever get better i will never be able to live my life to the fullest i just want to die so i dont have to suffer anymore whenever i try to talk to my family or school counselor about this they just call me selfish and never offer any help i cant even kill myself becausei amunder 18 and cant buy any drugs or weaponsi am going to be stuck in this miserable spiral forever,1
finally gonna do it guys i m finally got enough courage to do it after some very bad newswish me luck hope jumping of 13th floor is enougg,1
being a human naturally disgusts me i hate humanity for its inability to be realistic progress and care about something other then its self in some ways i would argue thati amfrom another galaxy i dont believe it but its possible everyday all i see is the selfish hypocritical double standard falsehood that is humanity i believe it is our job as humans to band together and only serve the earth in reality things like politics religion drugs money alcohol and too many things too name dont matter it is only important if we say it is all life is equal and the food chain only exists to humans to make ourselves feel better about not being the strongest or the fastest we cant stop nature from killing each other and that is ok but instead we can work on the planet to make it stronger and breath easier and give strength to all living creatures instead humans focus on celebrities false idols killing annoying creatures simply because most deem them annoying we have been given a gift to help most beautifully and time and time again we pretend that only humans are important maybe our only purpose is to properly help the planet universe and everything we can not to be martyrs but because its only right i dont need a higher power to tell me how to behave and neither do you this is not a slight at religion but about how people worry about nonsense when instead we can do whats right its also not about right and wrong as it simply is not opinion that helping out around the globe for the globe can only be great yet the sespool that is humanity doesnt try care or seem to have time i hate to be conscious because of the unfortunate group of people that i share a species with i care not to be with you people and sometimes i wish someone would end my time so i dont have to be aware of the opportunity squandered by humanity yet i live for the only thing i hate i believe that one day people will change i have never met anyone who feels the same i cant escape my conciousness for who knows why its 247 and i want it to stop i wont do anything even when this post is forgotten but maybe if someone out there feels the same then know your not alone and i amout there fighting with you my brothers and sisters ,1
i just dont know what to do anymore ive been lost for a while now i dont know what to doi amhighly considering suicide because life has been so pointless and crap lately and it feels likei am in my own bubble and no one can help or get to me no one would want toi am sorry for bringing this but i dont have another place to turn,1
important are there any websites that condone suicide or something like that yes this is a serious question ,1
tired of sleeping in oftentimes i will find myself sleeping in till past 12 because i cannot sleep at night i have a day off tomorrow and wanna take full advantage of it but i amworried i will sleep like a log for half the day like i did today ,1
on a merry go round pet stuff so i really dont know what to expect from this i have nowhere to turn and no one to talk to maybe it will help to just get the thoughts out there my dog is sick i adopted him and he was the runt hes not even a year old yeti am doing everything i can to get him to a vet but my funds are very limited as i am sick myself this has happened to me before with a previous dog she was only 4 and at the time i had no money i begged cried till my lungs were on fire and pleaded to my then boyfriend to please help her that there was something seriously wrong he didnt believe me called my a hypochondriac and said he had no money i had called around to different vets and it was going to be 60 some dollars to help her and she would have been fine he said he couldnt afford it she died a few days later while i was sleeping he was sitting right next to her and he didnt do anything didnt wake me up he did nothing she died alone come to find out he had over a grand in the bank and he had zero bills to pay for and now i feel like the same issue is happening all over again i dont have much but what i do havei am going to do everything i can to help him but the veti amhaving to take him to cant see him till friday if he diesi am going to end my life i feel like such a shitty mother i couldnt take care of one of the things i loved most in this world and here i am maybe about to lose another they are the only two things ive ever truly loved in the world i come from a very abusive home have been treated like trash and abused by exs and i feel like my two dogs are the only things in the world who have loved me i couldnt fail another one and be able to live with myself for letting him die the best thing i can think of if this does happen is just to not let him die alone i couldnt make it without him anywayi amutterly alonei am sorry this was so long but if anyone actually makes it this far thank you i am grateful,1
not sure whyi ambothering with this honestly 4th time ive wrote this keep backspacing because i feel so silly and guilty taking this to strangers putting my problems in others livesi am really close you guys ya know its not even to a point where its a big deal anymore it just feels righti ampretty done with this world as of now ive come to realize i dont care about anything or anyone for the longest time ive been fascinated with death and this concept of eternal peace sounds comforting no more dealing with daily problems and even outside of problems all ive accomplished in this life is hurting others and hurting myself putting my own mindset into such a low space that i dont matter to myself anymore i will probably get a few views maybe a comment or two but my point is none of this matters i was on here helping someone just a few minutes ago and seeing how similar they are to me fucked my shit up i dont know how much longer i can last and i dont give a fuck about anythingi ameither going to hurt myself or get myself killed by the police its repeating in my head over and over ,1
ive been thinking hellothroughout the past few months ive been thinking about my life lately let me see where i should starti ama first year college student who is studying abroad at first i was alright with the idea of coming to another country to study and learn their culture probably a month ago i felt confident that i can make it in college ive been dreaming about wherei am going to be in the future one of the main reasons whyi amstudying medicine abroad is that my hometown is limited with their med majors i saw it an an opportunity to explore whats it like outside of my homeall of that changed by the time i set foot in my college prior to this ive been given this idea that the college that i will be attending is international particularly prominent in english by the time i entered my designated class for orientation everyone spoke in their native tongue i had to notify everybody students faculty etc about my dilemma i knew that i had to learn the language someday but i didnt expect it to occur that quickly aside from this language barrier my ability to understand in college has been rather difficult my schedule for college seemed right before hand since i felt confident when i read it curse my lazy senior year in high school ive been feel overwhelmed every time i start my classes i always felt likei amstressed out every time the worst part is when i knew i couldnt take and i will i could think about it to simply end it once and for all i took counseling at least 2 during the two months and i dont think its working my counselor seemed well and my classes as well i think the problem is just me as a whole i cant cooperate properly its probably because thati amstressed about college lately ive been having morbid thoughts about life though especially before i cant really say thati amalways depressed all of the time but i usually hide it in front of my peers or family members at most they would see me stay quiet all of the time i havent eaten properly during the first 2 weeks of college because i took on the idea to breathe studying sincei am in college and in a med majormy confidence crashed to the ground when my classes started i felt like i can handle the work at first but when everything weighed on me i just been having a harder time ti cope with it my peers seem to be fine with the work and they would achieve high grades i dont mean to compare myself to them but its just thati am trying to at least not fall beindright now there hasnt been much classes lately due to a variety of events and my exams hopefully i didnt fail however i know that by the time the class starts again i will go back to being stressed out all of the timei amafraid to become depressed again and even through counseling advice it hasnt motivated me enough to escape itthe worst part of all is thati amafraid to go back to hometown and study there i might study into a different course aside from med but i amafraid i might not succeed there as well ive really been thinking too much about this but its the fact that this is the next step to my life and i amafraid to mess that up thats where i fall into depression and thoughts of suicide its a horrible habit and i dont know how to overcome this situation,1
i start university for my final year next week and i dont think i can take it anymore its so stressful and i feel inferior to everyone in my class i just feel like i lucked out and got into university somehow i hate my life and i know that this year is going to be worse than last year id be much better off killing myself than go through another year of failing and knowing thati am not as good as my classmates i want to end it this week and not have to suffer knowing thati ama failure at life,1
anyone been suicidal since childhoodi amcurrently 29 and i have been suicidal since age 5 i remember running away in the middle of the night at age 5 hoping to find somethinganything to take me away death a stranger anything now i am 29 life hasnt been bad for me and i feel guilty wanting to die whilst living a relatively comfortable life but i cant stop thinking about the sweet release of death ive been working 40 hours a week since i was 14 and i havent found anythingi amvery interested in people are the same no matter where you go or what you do just selfabsorbed and uncaring all these comments on this sub and all the suicideprevention shit is just feel good rhetoric for the caregivers of the world its all empty gestures and fake smiles i cant take all the fake people anymore i cant tell who is more empty inside me or themmore than anything i want to be rid of money i used to be a friendly outgoing kid who enjoyed meeting people now when i meet someone i am instantly skeptical of how they are planning to rip me offidk whyi amposting this fuck it,1
amdone and need to do it right fucking now i have a knife a bath 18 pills of androcur 30 of progynova some posion in the freezer a high bulding in 3 kms a railway in 5 kms whats the best choice,1
what is a painless way to kill yourself ive been cutting myself for years but i it always hurts too much to actually cut the veins i want to know of a more painless way to kill yourself there has to be something i just cant continue living in this world where everyone hates me and i continue being afraid to talk to anyone,1
life is getting worse everyday my life is at the point where i hate waking up to face another day its sad but i hope that i will find out i have a incurable medial problem and it will do what i dont have the stomach for finding another person that is actually caring is like finding a buried treasure my family isnt any better than stranger sometimes always looking out for them selves and secretly talking and why i am like this everyone always says get over her why cant you move on life is too short or your not helping yourself i have social anxiety among other issues but mainly it does have to do with losing the person that helped me thru the day just knowing with her everything was going to be alright i have no one that actually understands me and my ex is starting to hate me because she wants to not have to worry about helping me any more i think about how lucky i could be to have something that i can do anything about and it will take my life for me i would almost feel a sense of relief i have someone i go and talk to but i cant be honest with him due to not wanting to be committed and further making people thinki amcrazy i am a absolute loser in life with nothing to show for these 30 plus years on this earth i had someone i took for granted and nowi amalone fighting this battle in my head everyday until i finally just give up people really complex me how they are so shallow and superficial about things in life there are very few truly good loving caring people in the world its crazy,1
give me one reason i shouldnt kill myself to end my suffering ive been miserable for the past yeari amhaving debilitating diarrhea loss of appetite occasional bloody stool abdominal pain and weight loss for the third night this week i awoke due to sudden abdominal pain the quality of my life is absolute piss parents tell me its all in my headalso fault of doctor for not taking me seriously and they wont take me to a doctor and i dont know what to do i see no point in continuing to live since symptoms are getting worse and it looks like it could be a long time before i get a correct diagnosis i already tried to hang myself few months ago to end my pain but i failed next timei am not so sure,1
why dosent it get better why does school suck so much why are my parents such douchebags why cant i find the will to livei amfucking 12 and i want to die everyday tomorrow seems so distant somebody help me before i jump off a wall,1
i need help but dont want iti amchris a 13 year old male who lives in floridai amhomeschooled and have no friends ive been suffering from major depression and dysthymia for about a year now and have symptoms of ocd and have told nobody ive been using weed for about the same time and it helps me cope with my anxiety i know my parents do it too but they dont know i know they have a dab pen my brother found it and invited me too do it with him but thats not the main reasoni amdeppressed anyway me and my twin were caught using it at around 3 in the morning my emotions are going crazy this was the breaking point for me i feel likei amdead inside my depression has been more than ever i started inflicting self harm my anxiety is out of control and i want too kill myself more than anything in this world i feel likei amloosing my grip of reality and i dont want help but dont know how too cope with thisi am not sure whats going on with me and i amconfused on my decision too post here this is possibly the last day i will have my phone and computer for a while soi am going too review comments as long as i have everythingi amjust looking for someone too help me though this or tell me whats going on i dont want treatment and i dont want too talk too anybody about this i have severe social anxiety and have trouble talking too people i have other secrets that i try too hide and i amhesitant to say even online my life is online i dont interact with anyone but online friends so i dont even have anyone too talk too someone help me please sorry for incorrect grammar or spelling i usually dont type on my phone at all and autocorrect can be a fag,1
just took unknown number of valiums and codeine farewell can already feel myself drifting off goodbyeediti amalive woke up sometime earlier on the bathroom floor with a bottle of booze next to me and covered in spew cant remember how i got there but i amsick as fucki am still alive appreciate the supporti am still here 3,1
i might finally be able to do it i post here a lot but i might be able to pull it off this time i might finally kill myself i hope i cani amcrying and i hate crying and i hate being autistic and so much i need a hug,1
i thinki am going too do it i had another post about it i thinki am going too go through with it within the next hour,1
suicidal because of heavy financial problems hey allive been having financial problems for the past 7 years or so and its not becausei amfinancially undisciplined in facti amfrugal and smart about my money i have terrible luck with employment only ever had 1 full time job and i am trying to save money to finish college i have 3 courses left to finish college and get my bachelors degree but the lack of it is heavily impeding my chances of holding a steady job that pays me enough to pay my student loans as well as save money for collegedue to this i resorted to freelancing its been great ive made some money but this financial problem is also with my family and whatever i earned i helped them and i paid my student loan thats due every month but freelancing is volatile and right now i have an employer who will potentially give me projects but he needs to wait for his clients to pay him honestly at this pointi amfully expecting it to fizzle out because life always finds a way to fuck me anywayi blame nobody but myself the path ive gone down has been hard and i could have chosen the easier path but i made mistakes all i want is to be able to earn a steadier income to help me build my life but life is just obstructing my path if this project doesnt come throughi amback to square one and i feel like i should kill myself becausei amrunning out of energy to even handle this anymorei amlost and my mistakes have made a heavy impact on my family and myself why bother living if i consistently get fucked over no matter how hard i work and if i just caused burden and hardship to my family and myself fuck this lifealso i dont have any issues with self esteem women etci ama pretty normal person and i only need a damn job and money to get me out of this ruti amwilling to sacrifice a limb or a couple of limbs if it means getting me out of this honestly,1
am not the person i want to be i believe in hope and getting betteri ama senior in college and i let depression get the better of me my sophomore year and it cost me my grades and a number of friendships the two people i reached out to for help preferred not to deal with me which i understand its tough to talk about and tougher when you hear its happening to someone you know my brother tried to commit suicide a few months ago i still remember when he called to tell me i bawled for hours at the thought of losing him and now it seems like hes in a good place and three weeks after that my childhood dog passed away i try to think about that when i get dark i dont want anyone feeling that way especially not my brother i love him more than anything in this worldi amusually pretty good at shaking off my dark thoughts staying busy as best i can but every time i go out and see my friends i see this look in their eyes like they know what a mess i am and are just biding their time with me until graduation i had an i will defined relationship with the person who used to be my best friend my freshman year but she moved on and found someone else and we began drifting apart i got clingy and i didnt respect their boundaries and tried to stay friends with both of them and now they refuse to talk to mei ambetter than i was but i still spend most of my nights alone casual hookups stopped being enough of a distraction and i think it was just unhealthy when i think about suicide its so comforting and oddly familiar i think about a noose around my neck or a gun in my mouth or just jumping into trafficand the worst part is how i think i will somehow make everyone who hurt me feel like shit i dont know wherei am going when i graduate literally or professionally i want to start my life and be a better person and the possibilities give me hope but i dont want to look back on my college experience as a low point and thats how its shaping up a number of my relationships are too damaged to fix and i amscared to keep trying but more than thati amscared at the realization that most of my problems are my own fault i remember something i read once about the four faces a person wears in lifethe first is what they show everyone and how they present themselves to the world the second is shown to friends and family the third only to one or two people and the fourth you never show anyone and that face is the truest reflection of who you are my fourth face isnt what i want it to be and i think its just getting worse as life becomes more real,1
getting helpi am39 i cant believei am still here when i was 8 my brother would beat me up everyday after school i guess he toughened me up i tried some things sexually growing up thati amashamed of and developed a fetish for anal the porno industry has kept a customer in me because i have destroyed every romantic relationship ive ever been in with not cis normative behaviori am not attracted to other dudes but in recent years have moved on to tranny porn as a counter rejection for the way i feel about women ive studied psychology as a tool to manipulate someone into actually giving a shit to no avail i am alone ive always been alone i will never find love and i dont love myself i try to put positive shit out there like only positive shit but i think on some level people must see my flaws through it because nobody actually gives a shit this shit really fucked me up in narcotics anonymous coming clean trusting and being exposed or actually branded a fagi am not at any rate i know this is bullshit and i could end up hurting some people if i dont get some help but ive dealt with shrinks and i think they are a bunch of blood sucking parasites i just want medication what would be the most efficient way to get on some anti depressants i dont want to pay some pretentious prick 4 of my working hours to every one of his to talk about my feelings,1
two weeks to go its a luxury being a doctor you get all the classified drugsi am going through a shit lot of trauma and i just need two weeks to meet that person one last time and ask why the fucki ampushed into this corner and i literally have no option left but i need to survive for the next two weeks so please somebody keep talking to me just for two weeks after which i will ghost away for real i only have whatsappjay,1
should i talk about it to my loved ones the only reason i hang on is not to hurt my loved ones mainly wife and mother but life is so heavy and i suffocate in a way id wish theyd give me their acceptance or at least forgive me and be able to live on without too much grief but theyll never accept that but only be worried and tell me it gets better and such but i dont believe in comfort it never works more than a few minutes i need to be free realistically i will just make them feel bad and it wont help anyone it would be so good if they could let me go i could give them a good hug and leave in peace as it isi amjust feel slightly jealous of people who die from natural reasons without having the burden of having destroyed everyone around themso any opinions whether to spare them the worry and if it happens it happens or to introduce the idea in the hope that they could digest it thanks for any insightedit as it is if you want to leave life because you feel too bad youll have to hide and do a dirty job of it while destroying the people around you its really a shame as if one didnt feel bad enough already a legal and accepted solution could have you leave in the arms of those you love it would be so much better,1
no escape one of my friends killed himself this summer i told myself i didnt want anyone to feel the way i felt over him so i had put away my own suicide thoughts but its been long enough where they are coming back i understand why he did it there comes a time when someone just feels too trapped and no escape those who dont feel the same way will never understand this type of pain,1
fuck school ever since i can remember teachers are the only people that created my problems social anxiety depression feelings of shame i have to live the rest of my life with panic attacks because they dont enjoy their life only reasoni am not ending it is because i dont want to leave knowing they will be the ones who won,1
i need you reading this to send your brain waves in helping me die idk how to do that sorry,1
theres days when i long for a girlfriend and days when i am all on my own and could not be more at peace i wish the latter happened more often,1
i feel likei amgetting close again i knew i was getting worse for a while but i has an appointment with my psychiatrist coming up with the hurricane my appointment was cancelled i havent been to classes in two weeks or done any school work every time i think about it i realize how big a piece of shit i am and how much i want to die,1
today i told myself i was going to do it ive attempted suicide a couple times in the past took a fuck ton of pain killers but just got real sick and didnt die but recently ive loaded a gun and put it to my head and then chose not to pull the trigger today while i was at work i decided i was actually going to pull the trigger tonight not because today was any worse than normal but simply because today felt like the right day to do it at this pointi ampretty drunk and dont think i will actually do it but i dont really trust myself i dont have any money to deal with my mental i willness i live in the us and i dont see that changing anytime soon ive tried to reach out to friends but it feels like nobody knows what say i guess there isnt anything to say i guessi amjust in this endless cycle where i will frequently decide to do it and then not actually do it until i finally do,1
ive been to a dozen counsellors and ive tried a hundred different meds ive talked to charities and the ae nothing helps youre reaching out youre looking for help you still have the desire to live even if the life youre in is not one you want even if your flame for life has been dimmed it is still burning somewhere deep downwhats going on my man anything you wanna talk about,1
trapped in a box mentally and physically hiya reddit i hope this is the right sub for thisive been having suicidal thoughts for awhile now ive had them for the past couple of years but recently theyve peaked pretty bada little bit about mei am16 and bisexual i live in the south in a medium sizedish awful town in the great plains we have a very high crime rate and awful weather usually also churches on every street corner so not the most lgbt friendly placeas a result of this you can imaginei amheavily closeted which is stressful because my parents are also pretty homophobic i actually asked my father once what he expected from me in life and his response was dont turn out gay guess i just disappoint everyonei amevery way possible lolive been homeschooled since i was 8 extremely socially isolated my only friends are online my parents are both paranoid conspiracy theory hermit types they almost never take me anywherealso they pretty much gave up on homeschooling me about a year ago so now i just lay in bed all day doing nothing pretty much the way the days start to blend into each other is really disconcertingi think i have alot of mental and emotional problems because of the social isolation and because my parents were always kind of emotionally distant and weird my mom has extreme anxiety problems and my father is very depressed most of the time ive asked to see a therapist before but being the conspiracy nuts that they are they think all therapists are quacks and wont take me to one also were pretty poor so affording it would be an issuei have hobbies i play guitar and i skateboard sometimes but more and more everything feels meaningless and bland i dont feel anything anymore none of the things that made me happy really work anymore and i dont have the energy to get up and exercise or improve myselfim in a rut but i dont see any ways out none of my family cares or will help me ive tried what do i do,1
severely depressed constant anxiety and now insomnia failed operation i just want to die hi do you feel like talking about things,1
amending it dont know whyi amposting this here but i am is it selfish to not want to live a life thats unfair and cruel,1
this too shall pass ive only been this close a couple other times in my life but ive considered it almost every day as almost an afterthought it usually just lasts the day or night but i have nothing to keep me busy and i am so sick of thisi just feel like theres no way i will ever have any semblance of happinessi am too far gone and theres no point in trying i just want to go on a walk but i know id just get in trouble one way or another its 3am soi amtrapped in this room with over 100 rx pills that could definitely kill me and i just feel likei amsuffocating nobody seems to care about me even when they say they do when i try to open up in the slightest theyre gone i just want to be done even if i feel okay tomorrow itll be back in a week or two or five or whatever why bother ,1
i just need someone to just hold me right now just spent 2 hours in my computer chair shaking and crying into myself i feel so alone and i just want to be hold closely by someone and i feel like my mind is running at a mile every second criticizing me for every fucking little thing i do as i cry and i just want to reach out and be held or something stupid like that and i feel like this post will be unanswered and nobody will care but i just need to release this somewhere so i dont keep it in and cry again and i just want know someone cares about me at all and just want someone to hug me i feel so fucking pathetic right now,1
ive failed i feel like ive failed everyone in my lifei ama 31 year old loser no career trying to finish college my long term girlfriend is now just intolerant of me i cant seem to do anything right ive taken over 8 years off and on to finish a 4 year degreei am in my final semester after a 2 year break things were set up to be perfect this fall my job is great for going to school despite the shitty pay then things just blew up one thing after another after another have just went wrong my wonderful and loving significant other is just tired of mei amliterally a drain on her emotionally physically mentally and financially she wants us to be at the next step in our life together and we cant afford it she knows this and it basicly all comes back to me i should be done with college and have started a family instead ive pissed away my 20si am so financially unstable that its a fucking miracle we make it from month to month i just feel like ive got so much on me and because of my partners anxiety i cant talk to her about our problems ive found it best not to bring up potential problems or issues until they are actual things that need dealing with after arguing with her about the same things i havent done and how ive let her down i just dont want to do this anymorei amjust fucking tired of every god damn thing and everyone i hate my life i hate the person i am and i dont see a way of changing any of it ive tried many many many times and this is where it has gotten me so whats the point why am i still suffering through this why do i wake up every day and just suffer through this never ending shit,1
just had my first yearly performance review at current job it went as shit as it couldve my asshole boss has a problem with the fact that my job has a good bit of down time he expects me to do my job while also coming to him and formen to get more shit to do so obviously because of this i got a shit review and a 1 raise or about 4 cents so i broke down crying told him about anxiety and panic attacks i have and his response work will help no you god damn son of a bitch work and your sorry ass is the problemi amfucking tired of working and trying to be normal nothing works nothing changes and nothing ever will i cant just quit because i need money to get money i need a job but a job causes me to be miserable literally 247 its always on my mind and even in my dreams when i sleepi am not doing it anymorei amfucking done with this shit see you in hell you mother fucker hopefully youll die soon and your employees will piss on your grave,1
so stressed out between work and school and life i dropped out of school and got a shitty job as a custodian i was planning on not coming back this year but did because i didnt sign up for classes i have to take a boiler license test in less than a month and i barely studied due to depression of losing all my friends and alot of my family every time i think about the test i get panic attacks everytime i think about visiting family i get panic attacks everytime i realize i have no friends i want to kill myself i hate socializing with new people especially if theyre not my age and i feel like an idiot everytime i do but i amforced to at work i want to just drop out of life,1
trans woes i will never be able to transition i feel like if i dont start soon its gonna be so difficult in my furture especially health insurance wise my mom wont even let me ask the doctors about it and she wont listen to reason she says hrt will makeme violent and depressed and its a phase and idk what i really want ive been wanting t for at least three years now yeah my hair is short and i dress as andro as i can but i ammisgendered constantly knowing that my mom knows and still wont make an effort to help me even pronoun wise feels awful and the fact that my boyfriend says hell always see me as more feminine bc we have sex makes me want to cut off my skin otherwise hes chill with me being trans at least my therapist is trying to talk sense into my mom but i feel hopeless whats the point if i have to wait years and years to be able to really be myself whats the point in living ifi amconstantly uncomfortable and want to curl up inside myself,1
i want to die tonight i wish i had done it year ago i just want to stop being sad i just want my ex back i want to stop having syndromes causing constant muscle spasmsi cant do it anymore we have enough pills for it its so fucking tempting i miss him so fucking muchi am so alone,1
i dont want to see 24 i am feeling so impulsive do i want to kill myself do i just want to cut or something in between i literally have no idea ive had it in my head that i dont want to make it to my 24th birthday i need help,1
recently just started to want to off myself idk man i just start drinking and just think how different i would be if i had to emotions towards anything i go through my depression in cycles i start at the beginning of the month out fine but i slide into it i use alcohol to numb it it leaves them the cycle continues i honestly have a great life i have a job i have a roof over my head i really shouldnt be complaining but depression is a bitch it mainly just comes from me being lonely and my lack of trust in people i read some of others peoples reasons for wanting to hurtkill them selfs and they have honestly had the most shy luck in the world then i think off my problems and realize i have nothing on them which makes me feel like more shit man idk i feel like a bullet in the head would be the best,1
ugh whatever i have to say is going to sound exactly like everyone else so theres no point in me even tryingi just feel a lack of motivation for anything and i amextremely unhappy with where i am in life and i dont want to keep goingthe worst part is knowing that this will most likely get buried yet another one of my posts that goes unnoticed,1
i just need to vent thank you my father and mother would always fighting physically my mother would take me out of school many times my whole school career to run away and i would miss days of school days later my mother and me would be back home kissing my fathers feet i see her get kicked by my father and i used to care but i cant wait for her to die she takes her anger out on me for being a trans fag i cant have friend because according to all my family members friends dont exist its cool tho because i dont have anyone anyways i want to learn coding or anything for educational purposes but i cant go because according to my family i do drugs with all the friends i totally havei amfailing all my classes and cant consentrate i want to be an astrophysist or my life long dream that is not compatible with reality an astronaut but i cant even pass science and math my family does not apporve all i can do is draw and not feel pain when the blade hits mei amuseless mother is taking me away taking me to another state once again i dont want to go back home if i leave i want to kill myself but the same time i know that i should just work with what i have until i can leave but i would still have to take care of my diabetic family since i am a woman my word does not count in this household i can only be dragedi amonly someone people talk to and ignore and hit then tell sorry to afterwards if i speak up i get threatened to be told no my father that part of the lgbt group i teacher told me she would be here for me but i know i will never talk to her because i cant my mother sent me a counsler just to shame me for cutting myself the cousler told me that i could tell her anything but if its i willegal the police ay get involved i had to half lie and tell her that i punish myself and not the that i get mild ptsd when i hear the chime of keys and a gate because thats the sound father made when he comes home i want to killmyself becausei amon the road to failure anyways no way anyone would want a loser friend i cant relate to others others have depression yeah but who in heck would want to talk about that instead everyone talk about tv anime sports movies music or games i dont do any of those i only plan things all day on my free time i wake up with a feeling of dread hearing my mother smooching my fathers face in the wee morning i want to die kill me if i were to die i would just smile however i know that since i want to die i know that i should just do whatever i want since nothing matter but still i cant get myself to just be myselfi amscared i just want to grow up and work and be independant the universe are my only friends they will always be there shining for me when all is dark i cant kill myself because if i do i will never see them again i just want to die or live,1
short question i dont really know how to talk about suicide unlessi am anonymous on the internet i kind of actually want to talk about it with someone i really just dont want to die but i dont want to live in pain suffering and pointless struggle even more nobody knows how suicidal i am not my best friend or my parents or anybody at alli am really scared to even mention iti am not even sure what itll achieve,1
lost my job and dont want to be homeless and sick i dont know what to do i was homeless 14 years ago when i had cancer but the social worker from the hospital put me in a shelter that knew i was sick i dont have anything like that now i cant sleep on the sidewalk people are violent cops are violent i keep fear at bay by telling myself if i cant find something safe i will kill myself i am too sick to walk around outdoors i am diabetic and if i cant find food my mind stops working well i dont know what to do i have worn out the generosity of my friends and they are struggling themselves i came here eastern pa because a friend was going to take me in then she didnt and my money is close to being used up so i dont know any of the local resources before i was here i was on the west coast i wish i could go back id walk into the woods a little way and be done with my brain isnt working well enough for me to save myself and ive been in a downward spiral ever since i lost my real job over a year ago temping isnt going to keep me off the street i have no family they hate queer people i dont know what to do i am exhausted ,1
i thinki ama bad person hi thanks for taking the time to read this i have a pretty long history of depression and anxiety i had a fight with my husband today i had judged his actions as immoral and after we talked about the issue some more i realized that his actions no longer struck me as immoralhe was really hurt that i judged him he told me that he would never judge me and that now he realizes thati amthe kind of person who will judge him i had to agree because i just did judge himi feel so horrible realizing thati amthe sort of person who judges others i never thought of myself that way but now i have unignorable evidence that i am i feel like the worst kind of person and i hated myself for being so unkindi feel like killing myself right now but its probably just temporary and i dont really have any friends i feel i can reach out to i dont want to melt down on my husband because he says i sometimes use him as an emotional battery please reach out to methanks,1
was in a porn video once when i was 19 two years later and i want to kill myself because of it happened when i was struggling with undiagnosed ptsd from a sexual assault i got on meds and got therapy and was only in that industry for a couple months i made one video and i didnt do anything except kiss her but we were naked i feel like i was using that and camming to take back control of my body now i completely regret it i feel ashamed and every time this girl who is still in the business shares the video on her twitter i feel so ashamed and disgusted with myself i have tried to reach out as she used to be a very good friend but she hasnt spoken to me since i feel so disgusting i feel hopeless i know people from our highschool know about her soi amsure theyve seen the video i honestly just want to kill myself i am so fucking stupid ,1
ive been neglected and thrown out into the deep water and i cant swim so if i dont make it painless and quick i will drown anyways because i cant swim thats been my life in january this year randomly no warning police show up they throw me and my dad out of our house for no reason they had a proposed court order that was written by my moms lawyer to throw us out and somehow the police think its an order and no warrant they bust through our door and throw us out they let my fake family into my house my fake mom uncle brother and cousin they came in and smashed up my house totally destroyed it have ptsd to a point where i hallucinate parts of the events i was hiding in my room scared and i was on the phone with my dads lawyer he was telling me to call the police he said this was outrageously i willegal i had such a hard time dialing 911 i never did because i was scared then suddenly they start pounding on my bedroom door my fake brother and fake cousin both come in attack me received a severe concussion i dont know why they were sovile and aggressive they won what more did they want and they turn my room upside down they stole what little money i had they could findi ama jobless 18 year old so 70 is a lot to take from me i couldnt get a job because i was battling my anxiety disorder and i got fired from my other job for having it for some reason its semptember no justice in that situation and what i just found out today is really depressingi amliving with my sister i want to move out because her husband doesnt want me there and hes assaulted me twice hes punched me in my face once out of the blue we werent even talking and also shoved me into my room to shut me in there and i never really knew why i did that i cant move out though yes i skipped a lot ive been separated from my dad and ive been asking if hes ever found a new place for us to live he hasnt found anything he just revealed to me because of thousands upon thousands of dollars that was stolen from our house that day hes struggling to pay 500 a month rent where he is living currently idk y i havent received justice i doubt what my dad is doing to fix it the nh doj said that we would and the court said what happened that day in january was never ordered to happen i dont know what i am supposed to doi amheaded for the god damn street at the age of 18 because of corruption in my state my brother in law says by november 2018i amout of this place whether i have a place to go to or noti am still a high school freshman because i was homeschooled and my family split up caused that all to crash and both my parents oppose public school so i was forced out of school i wanted to do it what was i supposed to do i didnt know how to do anything without support from a parent my dads solution was to get a ged when i needed it i have no opportunities and no coach i have an anxiety disorder i have a broken up hateful family i dont know what to do i do have dreams i want to be a dentist or a lawyer they both take 8 years though and as i do either of those jobs i want to be a musicianfilm maker and hopefully i can make those two my life all of it has a theme behind it my passion is to help people really music is a powerful healer and film is a great distraction to pain of any kind if i become a lawyer i want to help people bullied by criminals and corruption as a dentist thats like physically healing people and dentistry is still somethingi am really scared of so i want to be one because i feel like i can heal people of that sort of pain i guess its important to remember my dreams its just so hard to see any of those a reality i dont know how to start at all i cant go to college ive been beaten to the ground and ive been so neglected idk whati amsupposed to do i have no parents to help mei amactually headed to the streetsi ama fucking high school freshmani just wrote a suicidal note i plan on doing it before october 29th if not that than christmas idk if you can blame me for it but i fucking hate christmas i really i hate christmas no family to spend it with and no reason to be happy idk if its selfish to say but the more happy people around me are the worse i feel about being the way that i am honestly i just see no way out what am i as an 18yearold kid in his first year of high school supposed to do about facing homelessness with an unsupportive parent and one who cant support me i just have no teacher and no place to call home and work my way up with something to stand on ,1
am sorry this is the second timei amwriting here today i think i just got pushed over the edgei am16 ive been depressed since i was in 3rd grade it was kind of in the back of my mind until 4th grade when i got hospitalized for the first time i met this guy in 8th grade he was my first boyfriend he constantly mentally abused me and guilt tripped me into doing things that i wasnt ready for ive never told anyone this before i remember one day he called me over to his dorm he said he was gonna kill him self because i wasnt answering him i went over and he was waiting at the door for me he had a pair of scissors and he started cutting his hands up in front of me over the next few months hed keep telling me i was useless and that he didnt know why he was still with me then one day he convinced me to in away from school with him and i did the police found us next day i was in the hospital for the next 4 days because of hypothermia that summer was the worst because i knew everything was my fault its been just over a year and a half since all of that at the beginning of 9th grade i met a person this person made me so happy they helped me through everything they loved me and i loved them we were together for 6 months then last month they decided it of no where they didnt want me anymore i told my friends about it and i kept saying i wanted to kill my self cause everytime ive kept everything inside ive ended up going through with plansi amjust too stupid and they never work i just end up in the emergency room after the last attempt i have permanent liver damagei amputting my friends through too much they spend too much time worrying about me but i want to tell them whats happening with me and how i feel but if i do then theyll worry more and ifi amgone then they wont worry at all cause they wont have to i guessi amwriting here because i cant go to the people i actually want to talk to about myselfi amjust hoping someone reads this and might be able to help a little cause i dont wanna die but at the same time i do more than anything else and its not like the feeling goes awayi amafraid to die but i want to die i lost the most important person in my life last month theyd stuck with me trough everything up until august they stuck with me when i was was in the hospital after overdosing they waited for me afterwards but now theyre gone they were the only person i felt comfortable going to whenever i was about to kill myself i guess i just want someone to talk me out of it last time i tried to kill myself it was because nobody talked me out of it it was because i didnt go to anyone about it but now i have no one to go to i just want to be happy again what makes all of this shit worse is that i remember what it was like to be happy everyday and enjoy living being able to get out of bed and nowi amsitting here everyday being yelled at by my parents they keep saying what the fucks wrong with you why wont you get up is t that depression shit again just suck it up everyone gets sad but we all just suck it up go to school i cant go to school anymore i just sit in the bathroom and try to cry silently so no one notices please someone respond i want help i knowi am going to do something tonight if i dont talk to someonethis post kinda elaborates on one of the issues ive been dealing with from my earlier post ,1
music sparks it everythings been good had a rough bit a while back and would post on here on seperate accounts just to vent but things have been better so i got the bright idea to chill outside in my hammock tonight and listen to some music from back in my bad days and now its all coming back i wanna die not link suicidal just dont wanna continue sometimes i wanna ruin my life like just start doing hard addictive drugs and ruin my relationships and just go awol and ruin my life just bring destruction to the chaos and i will be complete but i just dont understand how do yall keep the courage and move on like just chug along with all this extra baggage dragging you down and drowning you,1
my attempt saturday night thats when it happened the whole process was very impulsive i had no last thoughts nothing serious i took maybe 9 or so anti seizure pills the last thing i remember was laying on my stairs looking at my cat and thinking how amazing he looks how nature is beautiful suddenly i have obscured flashes of consciousness i saw an iv needle in my arm i saw my dad with long hair and a purple plaid sweater darkness then light again the nurse walks in and informs my parents that they had found marijuana in my system it was no surprise to them for whatever reason it didnt worry me id say its because i was about to fucking die suddenly i wake up in my bed the familiar room in which ive spent so much time becoming who i am this room is me and i am this room the familiarity of such a setting along with my mother and step dad around gave me enough comfort to forget what had just happened as i ate my breakfast i convinced them to leave me alone slowly coming to by the time it had been noon i was myself again but this time i was much happier i was who i really wanted to be monday september 18th 2017,1
am16 years old and this year is my win or die year if this year does not live to be successful if i dont not end up look any better than i do right now if i do have my dreams accomplished and if everything goes to total shit as it is right now i will go to the mall with my mom one day and i will run jump from the highest floor this has been thoroughly plannedif this year happen to be somewhat successful and i end up looking better and i somehow end up taking someone to the junior ball with me and if i end up making actual friends that respect me i dieim not sayingi amsuicidal i really dont want i kill myself in fact ive never hurt myself or cut myself not even oncei amterrified of death but as i said this is my year if i fail this year then it is ultimately guaranteed that the rest of my life shall continue that way i am better off dead and when i say that i am truly serious,1
my life is helli am in hell job sucks family sucks depression sucksi am going crazy no one caresi ambetter off dead people get over it i mean people die all the time why should i be any different,1
a letter to myself dear selfyou like to think that your problems began on christmas eve of the year 1993 when you were raped beaten and strangled you were a seven year old boy then the truth of the matter is is that the problems began shortly after conception that genetic mishap that was placed inside your genetic sequencing that ticking time bomb that inevitably went off at the age of fourteen when you tried to commit suicide for the first time you stole your fathers pistol from his closet loaded it and pressed it to your temple it failed to fire because your father was a failure at maintaining his guns properly strangely upon remembering this i seem to find it a fitting metaphor for how you have turned out while your father was a failure at maintaining his guns you have become the same failure at maintaining personal relationships your work duties your own fatherly responsibilities all of which have led to other suicide attempts which predictably have ended in failure these are only a few of the many fuckups you have endured in your thirtyone years in life you have subsequently shown that you are incapable of interacting with people like a normal human being remember that night where you became everything you ever hated and attempted to rape that guy another failed suicide attempt followed that little endeavour you vowed to give up sex after that altogether swearing to become a better person you failed at that as well instead you married the person you slept with next sired two children they may love you dearly but she hates you you know she does the way she glares at you when she thinks youre not looking the fact she now refuses to sleep in the same bedroom as you and becomes physically sick if you touch her the fact youre on the road many weeks at a time providing a pathetic excuse for a living for her and your two kids for fuck sakes the power has been turned off more times than you can count because you cant make enough money to keep it on youve failed as a provider you have failed as a husband you failed at marriageworst of all youve failed at being a good fatheryouve missed so much your sons first words and steps your daughters first days of first second and third grade youre worse than your father ever was and he had the audacity to call you a liar when you cried to him after being raped youre fucking worthless look at you self medicating in alcohol and weed masturbating twice a day constantly chasing that temporary high that will ultimately take the crushing weight of having fucked up every good thing that could have possibly come your wayto your credit youd never change your children theyre the only thing that gives you hope but maybe just maybe theyd be happier if you werent around one less white trash confused bisexual dad in the world to screw them up forever and ever couldnt hurt that much could it i mean look at yourself youre deeply unhappy youre mentally scarred terrified of everything barely able to take care of yourself ultimately you will die alone some nurses or doctors burden that theyd be annoyed to be obligated to try and help youre growing older fatter sadder and yet still hold steadfast to the desperate need to try and hide from all of thisthats why i needed to write this letter this post for everyone to see youve been considering ending it again possibly taking someone with you despite the treatments for your steadily declining mental health you find yourself back in the depths of the darkness and its far worse than it ever has been before violent urges thoughts of self harm and suicide all of these things are piling up on you like an avalanche and you feel as though there is no one to talk to no one cares to listen anymore because youre such a fucking crybaby about your mental problems its cost you so many friends and even family members your wife wont even bother to listen to you anymore you are truly alone in the darkness and it is consuming you this time your inner demons finally winning out despite a decade of fighting like hell against them you could tell your doctor about it but hes already certain the medication that youre on is the thing that will make you normal againas if you were ever normal i really dont know how to end this letter i guess things like this dont ever end i will always be that voice in your head criticizing you telling you what you already know about yourself but refuse to acknowledge baring the truth in all its naked glory for you to try and shy away from i will be with you until the end which needs to come sooner rather than later ,1
my life so far i cant reach out to anyone soi am trying anonymity this will be a long post writing this out might bring me solace of some kind twenty one years ago i was born to an alcoholic pothead punk of a father and the mother who was suckered into the bad boy routine because her father was mayor and mother a teacher my mother was nineteen a freshman in college my father doing nothing with his life at the time before long my mother decided it would be best to drop out of school father was a mess spent all his money on various drugs and alcohol my very first memory i have as far back as i can remember is the hole in my entryway my room was on the opposite side of our c shaped house at the bottom right apex of the c straight across the long hallway that lead past a bathroom the den the living room kitchen dining room kitchen and finally my parents room there was two exits one about 20 feet from my bedroom door one about fifteen from my parents door i remember my father coming home and hearing my mother quietly whispering to him i cracked my door open and stared down the long hallway to watch my father towering over my mother probably drunk high maybe both he was holding his head and she raised her tone slightly before smashing a hole about the size of my head into the entryway wall she was quiet and went into her room he followed shortly after i never saw my father hit my mother but i would see occasional bruises she covered them well i dont know how she felt she tried to be positive to me i was a very confused child we lived in the middle of nowhere deep in the woods no religion no church it was just the three of us and the woods my mother got a job from her father it paid well and was enough to barely support us my mother racked up a large amount of debt keeping the house afloat until my father was able to get his act together i spent my time outside most of the time during the summers doing my best to avoid my father he was very uncaring but terrifying when angry at this pointi amfive years old my dad wouldnt quite hit me hed chase me down the hall to my room until i fell over and cried my mother would scold him but he held himself together due to my age the nights were filled with my night terrors i had very vivid dreams my whole life still doi had a baby brother by the time i was six and a sister shortly after i didnt realize how different things were until i lost the title of only child fast forward to fourteen we were moving from my small c shaped home in the woods to the town me and my siblings went to school in my father hit me regularly by this point but id rather not dwell on it by this point my father was very cold and unreceptive to my attention i was to blame i messed up their twenties i didnt really believe those words just kind of thought them in the back of my head most of my childhood i spent avoiding my parents exploring the woods since my parents lost all interest in me by the time i was able to be independent and i had siblings after we moved the money tensions rose drastically my mother lost her empathy and had a very short temper she wouldnt hit me just scream about three months after we moved in i got in an argument with my father while i was doing the dishes and he choked me and stuck my head into the water my mother screamed at him and i tried my best to retain my composure my dad took off in the car a regular occurrence by age 14 my mother was crying by the door and when i came by to apologize she screamed at me unloading 14 years of stress onto my shoulders how she racked up so much debt and couldnt be independent how i ruined her marriage her dreams her chances her life by being born i left the housei came back about a week later i spent some time with my best and only friend well call him brad brad was tall and skinny blonde hair and green eyes charismatic quick witted and egotistical he was a leader and i was his follower we met in band class in the 8th grade and were best friends from day one we raised hell together he was popular and knew how to word everything perfectly to make the best of the situation our freshman year he dated the head cheerleader and sat with the rest of the seniors he was that guy i lived in his shadow he always came back for me though we were like bloodafter regaining my confidence he planted the seeds of independence in my mind for the next four years of my life i spent my life locked away and isolated from my family they watched movies without me ate dinner without me and went out without me lived without me it was almost a nuisance seeing me walk through the door after getting out of school theyd scream at everything and anything i just gave up and hid in my room as soon as i got home so they couldnt yell i started my first job at 15 and worked as much as possible i like to thinki amintelligent but never felt school was the place to make my mark i stayed quiet living in brads shadow and trying to accumulate real world experience i spent so much time living in my own head i never really looked outward to others when i finally did everything was an analytical act attempting to emulate brad the first case was with a girl i met in 8th grade her name will be faith faith had a lot of well faith her family was poor and close knit incredibly religious she took a liking to me she had bobbed dark hair dark eyes a tight cut hourglass waist wide hips and tits the size of my head my adolescent self was completely intrigued we talked on the phone daily this continued throughout the school year until the summer came i was excited to finally be able to spend time with my girlfriend and spend some of the money i had saved from working on someone she told me she had to spend the summer up north with some family we still talked daily and it was good for me talking broke me out of my shell she finally came back at the end of the summer during our small towns fair i waited all night for her she was there with someone else i gave up on women for a short time and tried to focus on work that winter at a parade i ran into another young girl who i had never seen before short with long black hair skinny but curvy with beautiful eyes and an amazing smile we ran into each other crossing the road and just clicked i repeated the process calling her daily and staring to feel something for myself again summer came and i was ready to finally spend my free time with her she moved to north dakota i waited a year still calling her every day her parents eventually divorced and she moved back with her mother at the time of the fair i spent half the night waiting for her and she showed up with her friend who left shortly after i felt alive every moment i spent alone with her i was so happy i finally felt normal we wandered around the town after the fair and started a fire in some random persons fire pit we pulled up lawn chairs and stared at the stars i held her hand i felt so alive we kissed and she told me that she slept with her abusive ex the day before i saw her and the guilt was too much through her tears i stood up and walked home without saying anything i didnt want to let myself get any more attached that woman threw me for a loop of self harm and loathing myself for about a year things were still terrible at home but i tried to keep any interactions to a minimum between school and work i left whenever i felt like it they didnt care where i was or what i did i was like a ghost the fall after that fair during the beginning of the year i met someone not necessarily someone more the one brad had a friend he used to live by who well call alex alexs parents owned a popular restaurant in town he picked me and brad up in this new car his parents bought him and he brought some girl he liked with a bunch of her friends to this dance no one was really going with anyone but it was obvious who was into who everyone slid off into dances after we got there except me brads friend and her the one j alex asked her to dance she refused he stomped off into the crowd and we sat at the table and talked i managed to get her number and a short and uneventful dance fast forward to the deep fall i called j up spontaneously after about a month of silence and asked if she wanted to go for a walk around town ironically j lived a block behind me and one house over we wandered through town watching the leaves fall telling each other the deepest thoughts we had she asked if i wanted to watch this i willusionist event that was going on that night to which i eagerly accepted the event was interesting until the magician started using magic as a metaphor for christianity to which i lost a large portion of my interest she mumbled something about how lame it turned out which was eye opening in such a religious conservative area that we were born we became super close we dated for about a year before a mutual break that year i focused on my work senior year i had an internship and two jobs outside of school and was attending a skill center for business management brad called me on my way home from work and told me that alex and j were dating i hung up without a word i spent some time thinking and thought maybe it was for the best she was perfect but thats not something to concern myself with i just tried to stay friends support my best girl friend alex had anger issues he reminded me of my father the bad boy who was spoiled with lots of money they ended up breaking up after he tried to pressure her into sex he followed her everywhere even smashed in a locker at school when she ghosted him i tried to support her and got her back on her feet not long after she started dating an older guy from the town over i was constantly invited to parties by j hosted by her boyfriend brad had faded into the popular crowd and lost connection with me so in hopes of having a social life i followed at this point in my life my parents rarely spoke in passing i got a call from my mother while i was at my internship my grandmother had died of cancer she was sick for three years and married to the inspiration of my life grandfather and the most kind woman ive ever met the nightmares still havent stopped to this day she was the light in the darkness of my family tree compassionate caring always listening what i imagine family is supposed to feel like my grandfather started seeing another woman about a year after i cant look at him the sameafter she started college j and alex broke up distance she said he didnt look at her the same i fell back in love with her and confessed everything to her she came back every weekend to see me things were good i graduated at 17 and was accepted to a nearby university to hers for mechanical engineering i was convinced to become independent and finally sever the dead ties with my family be my own person build my own life on my 18th birthday we both lost our virginity j was that girl that comes by once in a lifetime she spoke softly and compassionately she was so supportive and kind she was perfect in every way the perfect girlfriend we ended up growing slightly apart due to my engrossing in school she cheated on me or thats how it felt we were taking a break and she started seeing someone else i quit school and took a production welding job at a factory my aunt was a human resources manager at bought a 2010 ford focus bought and furnished an apartment in our hometown and rekindled the fire between us that was the biggest mistake of my life she lived with me on the weekends went to school during the week i worked 80 hours a week made great money but had no time i worked with some less than classy people i got into vicodin and started drinking as much as i could get smoking constantly i went downhill fast my temper shortened and spent time at home during the weekends sleeping as soon as i got there my body was exhausted she still tried to be kind i think i felt like i had it all that she was there for good so i vented onto her once unloaded things got worse the vicodin warped to pill popping things worsened i came into work when it was dark and left when it was dark after constant fighting about 8 months into the new job i drive my car head on into a semi at 70 i didnt even break anything i blew it off and blamed it on a semi swerving into my lane i bought a pistol from a sketchy friend for 325 i went into the woods where my old home was and planned on killing myself in a drunken angry confused stupor j called told me how great her day at college was how she helped these kids early education major her voice was filled with love i put the gun away i know i was fucked up because when she came home and found the gun she kept asking if i would hurt myself or her i always denied it sharply she didnt know about my car eventually i got in an argument with my supervisor and quit that day j stayed with me until the power went out in my apartment i kept making excuses lying so many lies she left and we fought and then i was alone i tried to do it so many times tried to end it we had done everything together and i selfishly built my life around her i was hopeless after about five months of turmoil i got a job as a maintenance persontoolmaker at a nearby factory i got my shit together quit all the pills and drinking and really tried to do things right i coaxed her back again things were perfect i made her family dinner thats when she told me they would never trust me after the last four years i was taken aback it got to the point where it was me or them she chose them she called me crying in june and told me it was over i havent seen her since she deleted and blocked me on all social media i never see her anymore the only thing i had was a casual dress she left here i left it on her parents doorstep about a month agoi kept thinking id be fine and even dated another girl a few months later i took her out to dinner and we got drunk in canada its a long story good time she moved across state i left her it was for the best my life slowly fell back apart i started to realize how alone i was when brad moved to south carolina after we graduated i spent every waking moment of free time i could with that bastard and now he was leaving its been a few months my apartment is trashed i dont necessarily feel like i need j or brad to feel whole but ive been steadily feeling more and more empty i was just told last week that i have a month to find a new job my car diedi am5000 or so in debt from the five months i wasnt working after quitting production welding i have 15847usd to my namei amfeeling alone and helpless so empty i havent spoken with anyone outside of work in months the one person i went through everything with is gone and my best friend is gone the one family member i had is dead my nights are filled with night terrors ive lost 40lbs i cant reach out anymorei am going crazy inside my head brad wont even respond to my texts hes moved on i wish i could this is my cry for helpplease help me,1
amjust so confused to be honest i honestly feel it would be best for everyone if i died yet i cant bring myself to do it i finally feel i can say everyone would be better off if i died yeti am too cowardly to actually do something about it even for people who i care about most i just dont get it to be honest,1
my time to go has come the last three days have been me laying in bed just wondering if i should kill myself or not i think my time has come i want to jump from a parking garage nothing seems worth it anymore words dont mean anything i dont care about anything the only thing is i know that it would destroy my parents and brotherbut i cant live in this pain anymore,1
peoples reactions are extremely petty just went for a job preview seminarand people still treat as what is happening to me as something normal and they even joked that i may be nervous when i already told alot of people i get sick quite easily,1
the fact she doesnt care hurtsi am going to try to go through with it i have the knife now ifi am not too much of a fucking pussy i will slit my throat i dont care how much it hurts because i am already feeling too much pain as days go on ,1
i can say i mean it but then again whos gonna carei amalways suicidal but i am too much of a weak idiot to do anything about iti lost all my friends,1
whats the point of it alli am so tired of being so stressed all the time i have so many assignments and i commute so far to school i just want to fucking give up what am i going to do with this degree more than likely absolutely nothing since apparently no one will hire me without an internship even if i did get a job whats the point then make money until i die live in utter misery people say college is the best time of your life for me its been nothing but misery i have no friends i have no way to make friends since i live so far from campus i cant stay late and i just hate my classes and my professors i just want to die i dont see a point my professors are all assholes the people in my classes are all rich without a care in the world and my workload is insane my favorite band is a sellout like all my previous favorite bands i really thought these guys were going to do something special turns out they got a taste of fame and decided to just sell out is it too much to ask for a band that actually cares about what they put out to fans sugar coated bullshit is just that bullshitfuck i hate that i go through these phases where i love everything for 2 years and i set goals for myself and everything is great then i just hate everything i hate my favorite colors music career choices majors all my previous purchases anything and everything i just lose it this happens every two years on the dot and i hate it about myself i hate everything about myself,1
danger of calling suicide hotline if i call the suicide hotline will i be put into a database will they call the police or somebody to watch me i really want to call but if they do more than just talk to you i will not call,1
i feel so empty i feel like an empty shell of a person it doesnt feel like anything matters because for me it just doesnt i have no interest in anything and to be honest my entire life feels like it was a waste like in the end i havent done anything to amount to being a real person with interests memories relationships and lessons learned i feel so lost because of this ive always felt like i was a pretty big loser since around middle school but i never actually made any changes to fix that and i think my life has been a waste because of it idk i just feel so empty and it feels like i always will because that emptiness comes from a pretty empty life wasted time i can never get back to develop myself into a real person the very fact that i feel like i have to develop into a real person this late in life is so discouraging it makes me want to end it,1
is living even worth it anymore right now i am coming to terms with the fact that i probably have a lot of underlying mental health issues as well as suffering from severe depression i used to think it was just depression but i have noticed traits of ocd and possibly even asd in myself which may have been missed when i was born i have been sexually abused as a child bullied and picked on for no apparent reasons in high school which lead to me using porn as a coping mechanism and that came with a whole host of its own problems i became socially isolated save for a group of people which has withered down to one when high school ended i went to college and ended up dropping out of 2 courses i know that i am a disappointment to my father who had high hopes for me when i was younger and constantly compares me to my older cousins who are successful real estate agents and entrepeneurs my peers also have way better social lives than i and are moving into university meanwhile i have worked a retail job all summer to pay for another college course and have been underpaid so i dont even know if i will be able to afford it i have had suicidal thoughts or just thoughts of death in general everyday for about 4 years and have recently begun tying nooses in my room and either staring at them or putting them around my neck my mum has actually found one of these under my bed and hasnt said anything looking back on my life so far it has been unremarkable to say the least and at the most it is a series of unfortunate events that will probably get worse as time goes on i cannot remember the last time i was truly happy and i refuse to realise it will ever get better i dont believe in god anymore due to how bad my life and the world in general is but if there is indeed such a thing then i believe that they just hated me and decided to make my entire life as miserable as it could possibly be infact i was actually born caesarean because i was facing the wrong way in the womb so maybe i wasnt meant to be born anyway sorry for the rant,1
amcontemplating suicide again i dont know why exactly but i feel trapped in every aspect of my life i love my husband i have a nice job and income i have a wonderful house but i am not where i wish i was in my life right now i will turn 29 next year and i cant help but wonder is this everything life can offer is this it yesterday i almost od took more prozac and clonazepam than i should but i woke up today with the same alarm clock as an ordinary day not a single person knows that i almost did it yesterdayi amashamed and afraid ive been trough this before and this time i dont know ifi amstrong enough because honestly what is the point there isnt everything is plain ordinary,1
sick of thisi am not sure where i should even post this anymore its just been so hard i feel likei amtrapped inside my body and it makes me feel really suicidal i dont want to live like this any more i want to kill myself every day is an ed and dysphoria,1
typical psychosis hey reddit i heard taping a million times on a keyboard can make you lose about 001pound so were going for a weightlossmy names wyvh obviously not my real namei ama 19 french winy person that apparently sees everything on the dark side or just seeing the things as they arei dont really need help you need help when you want to get out of this situation and have a greater life and move on what i need to do here is to pass on a message before i pass away myself there are two mysteries in life humanity and humanitys bullshit the difference humanitys mystery is about how such a nice species of love and mutual aidness became a societysystem focused on ego and properties i dont thinki amteaching anything new heresaying my name and my age wasnt really an introduction so well as another broken man wandering on the internet seeking for some attention not everyone is like this i must admit i guess i can tell more about myself without risking anything i will avoid the longass story of thousands words and do a quick list of itive been schizophrenic and bipolar for more than 8 years now 5 years of depression if not more raped 30 times in the changing room of my middle school by the same boys abused and raped by one of my brothers during my childhood abusive and violent father that now drinks quite a lot depressive mother that cries every evening in the kitchen and trust mei am doing my best to help her friendless lost my only life best friend in middle school he hang himself thanks to his wonderful shitty familyheres the hing i wanted to die since the first time ive been raped in ms and even more when i learned about my bfs death i was still thinking move on its okay fuck this but i dont have a life seriously life is something you enjoy and feel id say its more like hell endless pain i keep hearing voices seeing things that drive me crazy every time medicine doesnt work i keep taking them and make my parents believe it works after all weve tried but eh i love pretending to be finei amgood at acting apparentlyim tired tired of seeing all these kids whining because theyve got an untold exam tomorrow tired of being judged in my back in class by some random kids becausei am too white he never speaks vampire gayass he has no friend lol well fuck you all if those kids at least understood what the others went through maybe theyd judge less and focus more on helping and loving but thats how our generation is isnt it i amstarting to see thati amreaching the million words no seriously sorry for being so long but this might be the last timei amwriting something about my lifeive told all this to a friend but all hes doing is writing with a cap at the beginning a beautiful dot at the end with pointless tips such as go check a therapist or life isnt simple stop that sarcasm in a mean way well you get the kind of friend that friend that thinks hes leader of everything with his blonde head and beautiful face i dont hate him i just dont understand how someone can be blinded by such a naive perception of life and societyall my life ive been helping the others reassuring them listening to the girlies complain about their hard homework and life with a sent from my iphone x imsorichmarryme at the end of each text i hate you all but i love you so much for having such a pretty face and a voice that could make me believe thati amactually being appreciated by someone and that my active agoraphobia and foot travellings to the high school with extremely high anxiety and stress are worth it i cant go outside if there are more than 3 people without feeling anxious without hearing voices that tell me how beautiful i am sarcasm got it and talking and talkagajn just talking talking and when i can hear the people around all i hear is ur my bae or omg i wake up at 8am tomorrow helpme i got 3 hours of class i cant take it anymore well darling maybe you have issues aswell and i cant judge you with just a few words and a look on your pretty face but you at least have a chance to be able to go to school because i cant i stopt going to high school because i couldnt handle it not even a hour nowi amwriting on this average computer while trying to mod gta v that my mom kindly offered and seeing that they cant fucking make a mod without bugs on it sorry lolanyway feels like a story youd tell to yourself in your head and i amglad i could put words on it now a thoughts going through my mind how to make a death appear as an accident to make sure my moms the least depressed about my death tldr 19 years old homosexual bipolar schizophrenic seeking attention trying to convince himself death is the only solution while he cant think about any other way out ,1
morbid curiosity i see so many people angry at their parents for suicides understandably i also see so many parents that believe its better not to leave the children to suffer mother or fatherless so they takethe kids with them a screwed up logic but in some way it makes sense if your parent completed suicide when you were young have you ever thought at least they werent so selfish as to take me also ,1
hating college and suicidal again i recently started college here at akron 3 hours away from my home i dont drive soi ampretty much stuck up here i thought i would love it here the new environment and a way to make myself a new me so far its been the exact oppositei am in a frat so thats cool but my classes for my major nursing are just crazy hard and idk if i should switch majors or not or what to do idk if i even wanna be this far away from home anymore i had major depressive disorder and anxiety and slight ocd racing thoughts mostly i was really excited to start nursing and become a pychiatric nurse when i graduate but from where i am now that may never happen every day i am always anxious about either my social life or studying 4 hours a day or whatever else may happen lately ive just been laying in bed thinking of what to write in a note and falling asleep thinking of when and how to end it all ive been suicidal before and thought about it a lot really it has never left the back of my mind for 4 years i guessi amjust bummed because i have barely any friends and having just a hard time this summer me and my friends really became brothers and they all stayed together at local college because they dont have the money to come to a actual university but maybe they made the right decision idk what to think or say to my mom because i quit everything in life and i dont wanna quit college to if anyone wants to talk please comment or pm me if you have experienced the same thing i ami am not very good at explaining things in text,1
i dont know whati am doing anymore i feel like i should read other posts and help support them before posting but that compulsion is probably how i ended up where i am i need a place to vent i dont know if anyone will even read this but i guess this is my cry for help or whateverim sick i have an i willness doctors dont know whats wrong i am on medication but it makes me sick in other waysi am in pain nearly every day i have nausea andor vomiting nearly every morning i have hunger pains but no appetite when i put food in my mouth it makes me want to vomit ive lost weight and i was already underweight now i look like a skeleton and none of my clothes fit plus everything feels uncomfortable anywayi try so hard to remain positive and optimistic i try to be hopeful and keep on making doctors appointments trying different treatments from medicinal to therapeutic to psychosomatic sometimes it seems like things are getting better but it never lasts nowi amtyping this between sobbing and vomitingi cant enjoy life the way i want i cant go see friends or hang out cuzi amalways sick my old social hobbies are totally neglected i cant get or keep a job i have to call in sick or go home sick all the timei am in debt from medical bills because i have no insurance and no job luckily i get alimony and my family is supportive but i hate asking them for money i hate having to depend on othersleaving my ex was awful but then i met someone and i thought everything was going to be okay again we helped support each other we both have chronic ailments and can commiserate and understand where no one else can i felt a kind of strong supportive love that i didnt think existedhowever thats over now and its killing me its my choice because i know it wont work out in the end we have a major incompatible difference and we both know its the right decision but it still kills meshe has no one no support i just took the last bit of support she has we still live together and every day is misery i hear her sobbing we try to pretend the death of the relationship isnt killing us both constantly i inadvertently hurt her further too becausei am an idioti feel like a failure i feel hopelessi amsick of being sicki amsick of medicinei amsick of hurting everyone who loves mei amsick of disappointing everyone i dont want to be here anymore i dont want to exist i dont want to kill myself but i dont want to be alive anymoreeven my poor dog just peed himself because hes terrified of my sobbing this isnt a new habiti ameven hurting my poor dog because i cant get my shit together honestly if not for him i dunno if i could get out of bed in the morning,1
its definitely monday thats for sure ive posted here before on other throwaways and idk i just kinda want someone to talk to is that okay i just feel so numb and drained and just dead this morning my train almost and i mean within a foot hit a truck that tried to go around the gates my best friend and i got into an argument that has honestly been coming for a while i feel like i maybe deserved iti am not sure if we are even friends anymore and i have an assignment worth 25 of my grade due tomorrow thati am not done with oh and i amhaving second thoughts about my career choice because it happens every 2 years and this is nearly exactly the 2year mark from when i decided last time maybe if i wasnt such a complete and utter shithead i could have a decent circle of friends and a life i keep thinking everything is on me i shouldnt have said that i shouldnt have that opinion i shouldnt go there i should do what my friend wants i should keep my mouth shut agreeing is easier than disagreeing and having lost another friend what happened to having a conversation about what we disagree overi amjust so over trying so hard and trying to express myself only to be toldi ama shitty person,1
they say it gets better but it only gets worse i cant do this anymore every time i get close to even getting better it all crashes and burns after a matter of weeks its just a downward spiral since 2015,1
tired of this life i have a disability legally blind and i am tired of this life everytime i try to change or grow or get better i get judged and treated as the blind guyi am so sick of putting up with it for so long and my vision is only going to get worse feels like theres no hope nobody is going to ever treat my seriously nobody is ever going to give me a job nobody is ever going to treat me as anything other than the blind guy tired of being discriminated against by even my closest friends and families tired of having people always let me down tired of living in a world that wants nothing to do with me tired of this life,1
should i hang myself or jump my tinnitus has driven me over the edge and nowi amstarting to get serious about dying i want to die in a more painless manor but am too cowardly to shoot myself which method is better especially is i want my brain and organs preserved ,1
just want a friend i have done what i can i have lost everything including my children no fight left i think i got it right praying that it works,1
for the first time i am contemplating just ending things ive been battling depression since my teens but i had never really taken to the idea of taking my life i had never reached that point i had been close until now a recent break up has made me spiral into a state of despair i could never imagine possible those feelings of worthlessness ive spent nearly a decade fighting off all came back in one moment this constant feeling of hopelessness pain i cant take it anymore the one person i thought i would spend the rest of my life with has deleted me from hers as though i meant nothing its ruined me i try to put on a brave face remind myself that eventually i will get over this and move on but that doesnt work nothing i do helps a few days ago it just came to my mind that i would be better off dead and ever since its all i can think about i even dreamt about successfully killing myself it brings me comfort knowing i have this option available ,1
ambeing ridiculous i suffer from anxiety attacks big whoop probably everyone here does too but it gets worse when i go to college everyday i feel like noone wants me there like they could care less whether i go to class or not this morning my advisor walked past me without saying hello he didnt even look my way i feel like the ted of my life scrubs and thati ampathetic and worthless man do i feel likei ampreaching to the choir i have goals but most days i feel like my anxiety overwhelms my goals i want a better life but right now all i can think about is leaving and never coming back i feel worthless and needy like my problems are so big that i need strangers to help me out i want to go back home and never leave i dont know what to do anymore my class starts at 11 and i have classes until 6pm thats 7 hours of being trapped by people who hate me plus bc of irma i havent done most of my homework so i feel like an even bigger waste of space i knowi ambeing ridiculous that just because one person didnt greet doesnt mean i should kill myself but i want to so bad i want to just jump off a building at most it might be an inconvenience to themi amjust so tired of being me,1
i know i need to seek help but i cant afford it my suicidal ideation has been getting worse for months and last week my good friend killed himself i know its normal to have a lot of guilt and sorrow to not see him anymore and ive been trying to allow myself to grieve at the same timei amhappy for him that hes not suffering anymore my last suicide attempt was 6 years ago when i was 19 ive been really researching it again and think i have a plan i just need to get my affairs in order logically i know i need to get help but i cant afford to i live several states away from my closest friends and all of my family in an intentional community the people i live and work with are great but not anyone id go to with this my psychiatrist is also several states away back home i just got this job i volunteered for the company full time last year and was offered a salaried position and have been working it 2 weeks and cant screw this upi am too far in debt to rack up hospital bills and i couldnt even take the time off to go inpatient i get 5 vacation days a year and i want to use those to go home for christmas i know whatll end up happening is i will attempt again and hopefully succeed the way i see it theres no other choicei amalone either way ,1
got the last of my things from my exs house today theres no reason for me to hang around anymore everything hurts and i just want to sleep it all away,1
needing to die for good i cause bad things to happen my girlfriend was rapedthen several weeks later i was raped i feel like i cause rapesi think i drove someone to kill themselves from bullyingi amthe reason my mom is suicidal and impoverished she tells me regulsrlyi feel like the world would be better without me i hardly have aspirationsi am not a hard worker ive been crushed so many times romantically i got into a fetish based ldridki know its clich to say the world would be better without me but i am not benefiting anything by being here i would do better to just feed worms,1
i despise this life constantly stressed all dayi amnever feeling human anymore things like this are my only escape this is what misery and pointless feels like i am hopeless,1
been living a lie for 4 years and no light at the end of the tunnel my life is so fucked up ive been pretending to go to university for the last 4 years lying to my family and friends i feel so lonely and at the end of my ropes ive probably got so many issues but i dont know what to do about it because everything leads into my big issue about lying i wish i wasnt around so i wasnt a burden and a issue to the world i am too scared to do anything about it though first time ive vocalized that i have huge problems usually i lie to myself and distract myself with tvinternet i need some help please,1
why try i have posted this someplace else too i hope that doesnt break any rules i suffer with severe chronic pain i have something called crps complex regional pain syndrome it is extremely painful all the time i thought that i had a great support system not only would my boyfriend go with me to appointments but his family would take to to procedures if i needed someone there my mom works really hard my abusive father abandoned us when my mother was fighting cancer she had to find a new place to live with my 2 younger sisters i worked 3 jobs to help pay their bills and still pay my own rent now my mom is in remission and she works double shifts my sisters didnt even care enough about me to sign my birthday cardnow today i am waiting for my boyfriend to show up and he is going to break up with me not only do i lose him but i lose the love of my life and i lose all support i lose the ability to go for my dream of being a pa i lose my close friend and more importantly i lose what i thought would be a family for me since mine cant be there for me i take a lot of different medication i am willing to bet if i take them all at once it will be able to cause some sort of fatal overdose,1
today is the day i say goodbye so i just wanted to leave part of my story behind before i kill myself i experienced a family loss a few years ago and closely after my long term relationship ended on top of that the stress from the hardest year of college piled up and i had some sort of a breakdown from that point on i couldnt study anymore and the last years were a constant cycle of avoiding anxiety attacks dread suicidal thoughts and so on i started therapy a few months ago already been for about 14 appointments and although there have been some little improvements i feel like that it just cant help me enough the therapist said that what i experienced years ago is some kind of trauma and that we could work on that these past months have been literal hell for me having experienced another loss in my family just 3 weeks ago tomorrow should be the finaland most important exam for which i have studied basically nothing i feel like i cant go on living like this so i decided that tonight will be where it all ends i suppose this is where the story end and another does not begin,1
one life to live and that s it everyone only gets one goddamn life one chance and if you fail at it oh well says anyone everyone anything and everything it s such bullshit how unforgiving and harsh and coldhearted the world isno one cares they lie when they say they do i could die right now and while people might talk about how great of a person i am you know what happens next they move on oh well they say maybe it s not because they want to but rather because they have toi am ready to die i fucking hate everyone and everything in my life and in existence everything is all so ugly and cruel,1
why bother its all some shitty uphill battlei amnever gonna wini ambetter off just ending it,1
are there any painless ways to diei am20 and i really just want to end my life nothing ever goes well enough with me i screw everything up people come into my life and just leave i dont know why but i most definitely am the problem no one wants to associate themselves with me and when they do its cause they want something from me nothing i do is ever good enough for anyone when i try to talk to people about my suicidal thoughts they make it seem likei amseeking attention i just cant deal with any other hurdle life has put in my way ive given up on life already and i just need a painless way out,1
suicide makes so much sense it even makes sense wheni am not depressed how do people not get it,1
i have a serious undiagnosable i willness and i dont know how to keep going i have a pretty serious neurological i willness that i cant get a diagnosis for and is getting progressively worse i have no idea if its treatable its basically preventing me from doing anything enjoyable whatsoever i cant focus on anything because my memory is so shot i dont have the physical strength to go out or do anything funi ampretty much in constant pretty severe pain and havent been able to find any medication that helps literally all i can do anymore is lie in bed crying in pain between doctors appointments where i get more tests done where they cant find anythingthe few people who are barely still in my life seem to be doing it more out of pity at this point becausei amdefinitely more stress than fun for them right now i cant do anything fun with people and i amconstantly spaced out exhausted and depressed i almost dont want to see anyone because i feel so guilty for getting them down all the timeive been trying so hard to stay positive but i am really losing any hope here if theres no treatment i honestly cant think of any logical reason to keep living even looking at the situation without depression goggles on i dont want to spend the rest of my life lying in bed weak and in pain and mental fog i keep trying to tell myself this will be the appointment that they find something or this will be the specialist that helps me but its just a neverending series of disappointments how am i supposed to keep going when should i just give up i keep having the thought i should just jump off of a bridge while my legs still work well enough to and i dont know what to tell myself because its going to get better just feels like a lie more and more every day,1
hounded by google groups depressionsuicide post about 15 years ago i posted on usenet about my depression and suicidal ideation actually id emailed somebody and they put it up for me except they actually put my full name there and email i was mortified and just withdrew from the whole thingi am not sure i dont remember too wellthe search result pretty much disappeared from google i dont know what the mechanics of it were but however and i was able to forget about itabout three days ago i discovered though that due to google groups caching all of usenet i dont know when and i amno tech expert a google search for my name brings up this particular post in the top five or six resultsi cant describe how i feel now ive barely slept in the past few days have been trying to get it taken down somehow emailing google trying to report it as effectively containing medical records etc as this is one of the few things google takes things down forhave tried doing a dmca takedown of it but no availits almost sort of ironic that in recent years ive largely won in my battle against the black dog but this has somehow plunged me to the point of really wanting to just top myself knowing that family and friends will have seen this post i dont know how many months its been there i dont make a habit of googling myself god only knows what impact its had workwise perhaps thats part of why my freelance work has been shit beyond belief not that i should make excuses but stillit feels likei amkind of being hounded by it to do it that with my ideation and darkest thoughts from before being dragged up like this i have to somehow make sense of it by killing myselfi cant think straight asi amcompletely sleepdeprived but it feels like i cant sleep until ive solved the issue and the easiest way it feels for me to solve the issue sejumpems to be to just fuck everything and find a busy highway now to walk in front of a car at as my stated intentions from however many years ago were,1
is it worth it to calltext a hotline i am in need of help but worried that id be sent to a hospital or something what if i cant afford it i dont see any options to get out of this other than just ending it all edit this is a throwaway acc i posted other moreindetail things here from my main didnt want to seem annoying and just wanted to post a simple question,1
created a life i cant leave hiit took me an embarrassingly long time to work up the courage to post here i guess i saw it as a sign of failure a sign of giving up but i dont now i just want someone to pm me just to listen and respond ive somehow created a situation for myself that i cant see a way out of i dont want to get into it in this initial post but i really want to talk to someonei know this seems like a cry for attention but really its a cry for helpi amaware enough to recognize thatthanks,1
going on an exercise in futility ive really been contemplating suicide lately i just really want to hurt myself not physically but emotionallyi dont know whyim posting with my main account because i just dont care anymoremy work sucks and is stressy and if i wasnt such a coward id just leaveive been telling people to stop talking to me even though i thrive in social situations i skip meals just so i get to feel pissedi all feel like its so pointless if i do it now nobody will miss me i havent made a mark in this world and i never will i have 0 potential and i am not really good at anythingi just dont see the point anymore,1
i seek death thoughts hi all just want to sayi amentirely new to reddit literally spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to use this web but i just wanna share whats going through my head right now and maybe seek some opinionsfirst of all i have been contemplating about death along with passive suicidal thoughts for a considerably long amount of time now depression anxiety recently i realized thati amjust way too tired for all these any more the daily struggle to fight against these thoughts and survive weights me down so much to the point where i have made the decision to just drop every thing i care abouti was keen on recoveringovercomingadapting with my mental i willness before but as of now i have entirely stopped my medications the only pill i really take now is my sleeping pills since sleeping takes so much lesser effort to live everyday is spent waiting for my brain to get worse and hoping that one day i would have a reason motivation to turn my passive suicidal thoughts to active ones plans have been made dates have been set time has been considered everything is set except for that one final probei have slowly cut off most of my relationship with others family friends any humans ever since depression started and nowi amcutting off my inner circle of friends too whom i have shared my problems with work wise which i cant leave due to some reasons i have began to erase my existence by slowly fading out of everyones life i cleared all my stuff from my desk and now its almost an entirely brand new desk i longed for one day where i can just disappear and not having any one to remember for because i dont want to affect any one i dont want any one to have oh i had this one friend that committed suicide part of their lives there is nothing that bounds me from this world any more not friends not family not any thing i cant emphasize how tired i am and there is no words to explain exactly how i am feeling now i dont consider about my future at all since i actually did plan to end my life off at this certain age which ultimately i didnt due to the lack of the final probe i mentioned it feels like i have been overliving since i have no other plans after that certain age of mine but thinking about my future triggers my anxiety so much that i will just drop whatever i am doing and become a small black hole of despair and misery therapy and professional help wise i have gone for lots of them but now i have only one psychologist that is really helping and also the one whom i am brutally honest with he knows everything that i have typed so far and i amextremely lucky to have someone willing to pull me out of my drowning thoughts but like i said i gave up i gave up holding on to life and i have closed off that option of receiving help from him or any one in fact i dont feel guilty at all fori ama selfish beingdont worry if any one actually cares and if you do i appreciate it because my planned dates arent exactly near yet unless my brain one day decides to push everything forward and ruin my detailed planim seeking opinion of what the community thinks of my situation maybe something might probe me away from the suicide path or even further into it whatever works i honestly dont care which direction i go any morei thank any one in advance if i dont reply immediately i have no idea how to use reddit for any replies that may appear here and i apologize if this is something you are not interested in,1
what should i do ive been imagining ways on ending my life waiting that something might happen that would end it with it not being with my own hands i think i just received a sign this morning i was going through my wallet and i saw the blade i bought a few weeks ago i swear it wasnt there before bec ive been searching for it and now its just there tempting me,1
how risky is it to talk to therapist about suicidal ideation i just want to know its a new therapist ive moved and she doesnt know me well i dont want them to do anything rash ie call the authorities its a different country and i dont know how things work here i dont want to be sent off for being a threat to myselfi am not any insights anyone out there say something to the therapist about ideation and get shipped off or lose their kids or anything like that dont worryi am not gonna do it i just dont know if i can trust this new therapist,1
am i the only one who feels this way ive noticed that well at least with me i tend to handle sadness well wheni am already quite despondent wheni am doing perfectly okay these sad thoughts attack me and my mood immediately takes a turn for the worse its almost as if by being happyi amletting my guard down and am somehow more susceptible to these sad thoughts so i find that i have to be sad all the time to not be as sadi know the irony is strong with this onedoes anyone else feel this way,1
life has no meaning point of life is to have fun and dont think about iti am12 and i have ennough of it good bye world,1
i dont want to be happy i want to be dead simple,1
i feel alone i wish someone care enough about me to check on me no one cares i feel alone i feel like dying i try to be happy i really do but its hardi amflunking out of college i just decide to stop attending my classes i been having suicidal thoughts a lot more recently my mom is tired of hearing me i dont want to burden my family my friends have suddenly decided to stop hanging out with me and talking to me but they all hangout with each other and not me i know this because i see it all over social mediai amwondering why maybe its becausei amboring or i have nothing special about i know i wont be miss if i go away and die i wake up sad go to sleep sad i dont really want to eat anymore i eat a little everyday i cant tell anyone this because i dont want to seem crazy or be labeled as somethingi am not i wish i can tell my friends i miss them but i might come off weird or desperate or something no one know this about me i need someone to talk to i hate feeling this way i do i dont want to feel this way maybei amthe problem it has to be something i did to cause this i dont know why my friends dont want to hangout with me anymore,1
another post i literally posted like 2 minutes ago probs this wont even let me post this shit for a bat the only thing that keeps me save is really video games and the musici amworking on but they are so uselessi amhorrible at then so its not like i can make a living off of them i wish i had a talent for anything i wish i was t such a flawed product i wish another sperm would have won and i want here i am just a shut a piece of filth i dont deserve to be here so many more people who deserve to live so much more then i do but cant i wish i could make things better for people who struggle like the really ooor in africa and asia,1
does calling a suicide hotline track your calllog itpotentially tell owner of household being called from sometimes kind of it depends from line to line it is possible to notify the police of the location of the call annnnnnyways is that really what you wanted to know or would you rather have someone to talk to,1
has anyone told their boss about their suicidal thoughts when its revolved around work how did you frame it how did things go just talked to someone that suggested i address my depression and suicidal tendencies upfront with my boss since it all revolves around work and workrelated stressi instantly thought of about a million ways that could backfire and put me in a worse off position but has anyone else tried this how did it go,1
i just cut ties with all of my friends so it will hurt them less when i kill myself they are obviously angry and sending me messages about how they must have never mattered to me honestly i dont care anymore i want them to hate me so it hurts less wheni amdeadi am going to kill myself within the month i cannot take this pain anymore i am unworthy of any type of friendship or care i am unworthy of living in general,1
i want to die so bad i feel like my life has been a pointless lie i have no real friends my family does not really care about me and has lied and been manipulative i have been in constant conflict with them i am trapped living at my moms house unable to find any job to pay enough for me to move it is so humiliating i am a 23yr old male and treated like some sort of mental defect by those around me i feel exhausted i used to be so optimistic when i was younger but that optimism has been withered away to nothing after wave after wave of depression getting more and more severei have been through 5 relationships in seven plus years that all ended up failing because they all ended up giving up on me and not giving a shit i live in a stupid rural town in a dumb backwards state where i feel completely different from everyone else around me i feel alone and trapped in a shrinking box constantly tormented by my anger my despair of being unable to escape this misery i just want to die die painlessly and stop this endless cycle of disappointment i have been raped lied to stolen from and constantly betrayed by supposed friends and now exs the only thing left in me is pain and sadness,1
where do i start hey there i dont know how to do this so i will just startim 21 years old diagnosed with depression and bpd and i just see no meaning in life for a long time now people would kill to switch positions with me a well paid job a car moving into my own apartment soon i come over as a very confident person whichi am noti amdecent looking and have loads of friends and a pretty good social statusi just feel like nothing makes sense tho i hate my work everyone says i should appreciate it because of the pay and how good the working hours are but i just absolutely hate it i hate even the thought of not being able to decide for myself when i wake up or where i spend my time at i went through all my other options and i amworse off with all of themi hate how superficial the world around me is i could afford a fucking iphone or a nice watch easily but it doesnt make sense to me similar stuff to half the price work just as good or even better why do people need to show off i hate that i think thati amsmarter than the majority of people around me i know very welli am not but it just feels like it to me if that makes any sense i feel like an edgelord when i talk like that but i cant help iti hate smalltalk all conversations i have are so bland and boring idgaf what my co workers did on their weekends because i know they just got drunk or they went to the cinema or what not if you did something cool heyi amall up for it tell me about it but its always the same shiti amhearingi hate that i read a lot of books on psychology and human behaviour that i know why people act in a certain way and why everyone follows the herd i want to be like that again too to not worry againi hate that i cant appreciate what i have wealth a caring family a shitton of friends why cant i appreciate all of those things i want to there are millions of people who have it way worse than i doi hate to put on a mask all the time to act nice to everyone i hate 90 of the people that surround me i cant show how sad i am at work or with my friends it only ends in pity and i dont need thati amworse of with pity than i am with my act of a strong confident man that i put up all the timei hate not being able to love anyone an amazing girl likes me and i cant build up any love for her because i dont trust anybody anymore through my experience and what i read about how human relationships romantic or not work its just not possible for me to love anyone again just because they are nice i put up so many standards one must fulfill before i can like them that its quiet impossible that i will ever be in a relationship again the thing is thati am not a good catch either so i cant even expect anyone to like me my real me there are plenty of people who like my maski hate being so sad with no real reason i hate hating so much my sleeping pattern is completely fucked some days i sleep 12 hours and some i dont sleep at all like today its 5 am here and i havent slept a minute and i amheading to work after posting this if someone read this till down here thanks for hearing me out i know a lot of this probably makes little sense or contradicts itself but i am sorry like i said i havent slept at all and i found this subreddit and wanted to get shit of my chesti have been contemplating suicide a lot the past few years but i wont go through with it because of my family and friends i made a pact with myself that i will do it wheni am30 and things are still as shitty as they are rn i already know exactly how i will do it and that alone scares methanks again and gave a nice day,1
getting harder to answer the late night question which is basically just why not i used to have things i was waiting for even if they were just things like movies i wanted to see cant think of any now running out of answers ,1
just called the suicide hotline and the lady hung up on me i told her about what was bothering me she said that people have it worse than me and asked me if i was going to kill myself at that moment i responded not at this very moment since i was on a walk then she said goodbye and hung up,1
cant find a job fuck my life its not a new thing i know a lot of people go through thisi am not specialgraduated from university months ago psychology because fuck me that was the worst mistake ive made useless as fuck degree and also got an english teaching qualification celta but havent been able to get a single fucking job i feel like a useless piece of shit just staying at home applying online i have no energy to leave the house and going out with friends is too expensive for broke as fuck mei dont even know what i want to do with my life and ive resorted to ranting to strangers on the internet i just feel so useless and that theres nothing out there for me ive had constant suicidal thoughts for the past ten years but never thought to act on them i still fantasize about jumping in front of traffic trains off buildings though ive never done anything about it just cant see the point of life anymorei amjust a detriment to societyfuck me i just hate myself so much,1
just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years i cant live with these constant reminders i had been neglecting her for the past three months i sohuld have caught on but i didnt last week she told me she wanted to breakup and i wanted to change i tried so hard to change but she kept yelling at me for being too suffocating one secondi amneglecting her and the nexti am too much i couldnt take the yelling and i snapped i broke up with her and drove her to her dorm in university instead of our apartment i regret it so much ive texted her too many times i cut my arms all the way down to my elbow i talked to my mom and shes on her way ove rhere but i dont want to continue living i have plans of killing myself next month if things dont get better shes my first girlfriend my first love my first kiss we broke up one time before and i obsessed over her i couldnt stop thinking ofher god i dont want to do taht again but it seems apparent she doesnt want to work through our problems so i had to end it i regret it so much maybe i could have lived with her yelling at me for a few months and things would have returned to normali am so fucking stupid i dont have any friends my only contact with anyone that cares about me is my family about once a month my parents are divorced but they each live about 1hr30min from me they care about me but i cant convince myself that thats enough i would destroy them by killing myself but its not enough i just wanat to die,1
i dont know what is wrong with me please help i have problem talking in long conversations i love being around people but yet i just sit in a silent mode just listening to what people are saying even when i try to talk i just throw comments about the subject people talking about i dont find anything else to say so i just keep listening and smiling my friends loves me though i cant figure out the reason but it seems like i have a weird personality they mentioned it before but a cool one it takes me alot of time to start talking years till i find the right personality thats suit them in group of friends never was able to talk to individuals specially females i can stay talking to a girl weeks by texting but if i saw her in street i act like i didnt see her or just smile and keep walking it feels like iam never the real me when iam around people i be what they like the most i think thats explain why iam so loved but i cant have a deep relationship with an individual just active in groups it feels like i dont have a specific personality i cant even decide what to eat when i go to a restaurant or something i just order what anyone ordering when iam alone i just keep eating the samething over and over again i feel like iam a million personality and when i think deep i cant really find mine its like i never had one i cant figure out what i like or hate everybody telling me iam very smart i dont feel like it tho i got a very big brain size maybe thats why people think iam smart i love fixing computers but the problem is i dont figure the problem my self i just write on google and apply the solution i do that in every thing in life that people come to me to fix their stuff and i just do what i mentioned above and i do it thats another reason people think iam smart i suffer from depression nearly whole my life the main reason of my depression is my social abilities just to mention my mother passed away when i was 7 years old my father had anger problems and used to beat me up alot with or without a reason iam also not sure of what i wrote here i cant really know how i feel or what is going on with me i also attempted suicide couple of times with no luck i never clean my room until theres no place to walk lol i dont take care of my body like i eat one time a day and i can stay months without drinking water just soda and redbull i find it so weird to share my feeling with others even my family and that one time i did i felt something like guilty later when i time to review my day at night i nearly regret everything i did during the day i went to a doctor explained all that he prescribed me a depression and anxiety bills but didnt really work for my social life i find it very hard to focus i lose my attention so fast during conversations or studying sometimes when i read stuff i have to read it couple more times in order to understand it sometimes i feel like everybody is talking shit behind my back even when iam sure they dont i still find it make more sense that they do and it really drives me crazy sorry for all that but iam trying to find out whats wrong with me and also excuse my english since its not my first language iam 23 years old male by the way thanks for your time ,1
please read for billions of years since the outset of time every single one of your ancestors survived every single person on your mums and dads side successfully looked after and passed onto you life what are the chances of that like it comes to me once in a while and everywhere i tell folk it gets the best smile ,1
i know people will miss me but i dont care wtf do they knowi amonly a 15 year old guy with anxiety and depression theyll never understand my life has gone to shit their lives are great fuck this i should just end it,1
i wont make it to 21 people would kill to get the advantages i have had in my life from a fairly wealthy and supportive family to being born in one of the most prosperous areas in the world however i can hardly get myself to attend my college classes and it is my first year i would have blown my brains out already if it wasnt for my parents supporting me it would destroy them to have their son die i just know i wont amount to anything in my life i think i am just too lazy or maybe something is wrong in my head i have tried to get better but it didnt work in high school and it isnt working now the only place i see myself in 23 years is either as a bum leeching off of my parents or dead and i am not sure what to doi am not sure what i expect from this post but i guess it just helps to see my thoughts typed out and if anyone else feels the same way,1
whats some good advice for dealing with temporary low periodsi am in a really low place right now but i ampretty sure itll be gone within a few days this has happened before but it just comes up out of nowhere like i was totally fine loving life thinking of sending out a companywide email i work for a small business 30 employees to everyone just saying i love them and i feel so blessed to be able to spend time with them then suddenly for no reason at all its like this overwhelming feeling of emptiness and wanting to kill myself like completely out of nowhere its just like this pit in my stomach and feeling of desperation itll be gone by the end of the week probably but is there advice for dealing with this kind of thing,1
apparently i have no family ive been gone for some time from reddit geez ive been having a rough time latley ive went back into school and i amgetting bullied again i tell the staff and my parents however it doesnt fix the problem i just keep getting physically and mentally and verbally and cyber bullied i found my parents dont really want me anymore and that my boyfriend to them is just another guy i will run away with they threatened me into going into the hospital and then i hated it up there and theyve almost put me into foster care i have no goals and i am doing horrible in school ive gained 25 pounds so all my cloths on me are tight soi amalways uncomfortable and they wont buy me new ones i have a buckle collar that i wear all the timei amconsidering on choking myself to death tonight on my door knob after i take a bunch of pills last words well i have a loving boyfriend who is ready to stay his life with me and as i am with him but i dont have enough patience with my parents that i fight with everyday i can provide more info but for now this should sum stuff up ,1
am12 a twelve year old boy i just want to wrap a cord around my neck and die please help me heyi amjust a 12 year old kid and i feel super suicidal i just want to get out of the godforbidden shitshack called school i have a best friend but every time i try to hang out with him he sees his other best friend and i instantly become a third wheel he says that we likes us both the same but it is just so obvious that he likes him more than me i keep telling my parents that i want to be homeschooled and they say its not what is best for you i was searching ways to kill myself quickly and painlessly on the internet and my mom saw my history and she told me dad that was the night i was going to end it all my dad called on his way to work and called my mom they are divorced which is one of the reasonsi am so depressed but at least thy are still friends my dad started texting me and my mom talked to me about it the way they were so upset and crying and begging me to not take actions is one of the reasonsi amholding back with every fiber in my body my sister was all of a sudden so much nicer to me soi ampretty sure my parents told her i have an appointment in about a week but i dont know if i will live to see it my dogs are so happy and sweet i love my dogs sister and parents the same i love baseball and i amvery talented at it which is one of the reasons i dont pull the trigger everyday i spend a lot of time with my dad and we are basically best friends i would love to spend more time with my mom but she is depressed too and she gets upset and angry very often i am always worried my parents will be disappointed or my sister will make fun of me if i bring home a c or lower i almost killed my self with a cord earlier today and i had it tight around my neck for about 3 seconds when somewhere deep down inside told myself to stop whati am doing and calm down i hate school so much and my parents always thinki ambeing bullied but the truth isi am noti amjust like every other kid who hates schools but just to a way higher degree of hatred and despise toward the damned place i dont even cuss a lot but this subject just pisses me off so muchi amloved by many people who i know would be upset the thing is i always want to commit sluiced but every chance i get i dont even though i could spare myself of the years of torture to come with just 1030 secondsi amnever happy anymore and even when doing things i lovei am not happy and i just want to not be depressed and not hate school with so much anger and despair i also have tourette syndrome which i dont think helps the situation someone please help me i cant take it and i need advice _ _ ,1
sometimes i honestly feel likei amat my end i dont think things are going to get better i think theyre going to get worse and i have no control over any of it at all i think one of the few things i had in my life that made me feel like i had a grip on anything was her and shes gone now due to my own faults and mistakes i dont blame her i think she was kind enough to waste her time on me but like everything else good that enters my life it had to goand so here i am i will sit here and imagine that its all alright but i feel likei amjust lying to myself in order to try to make myself believe it and all i want to do is go back to even just a month ago when i thought i knew what pain was but i had no fucking idea that i could hurt this badlyi see so many positive things happen in peoples lives like them being able to afford a house end up with a person that loves them etc and i catch myself telling myself but thats not for you in some weird way to brace myself i feel like i make jokes about killing myself a lot because it helps desensitize myself to the actual act maybei amhoping that the rest of my friends will cut me out soon and i can just i dont knowim not planning on anything i just wanted to tell someone,1
on the outside my life seems perfectly fine but i hate the way my brain works i hate having depressionanxietyocdbdd and its ruining my life fuck this life i really dont know how to say it but ive been battling a war with my mind for far too long i have severe anxiety ocd issues and i used to self medicate by using opiates iv heroin specifically to numb the pain and clutter in my mind i am sober and in recovery now but i really cant take this shit i really hate the way my brain works and wish i didnt have this persona i reflect back on my past friendships which are no longer there because i become distant and isolated from people i hate how i cant form lasting friendships with people like i used to in high school my life is a lonely sad joke right now and i feel like i am dying on the inside i try and better myself but i dont really see any improvement in the quality of my life i wish i wasnt like the way i am i am a disgrace,1
parents ideas nearly ending up hurting me more one way or the other laughing at the fact that nearly all of my parents ideas ended up in me hurting one way or the otheri kept being called crazy by my parents and told me i am not adventurous enough and paranoid because i overthink alot and when their ideas goes bad i still kept getting the blamei kept being insulted by them alot and be humiliated in public be called names had an extremely basic argument on you cant avoid problems in life because problems are a part of lifei mean you can avoid it by being prepared or not being stupid which they are doing to me particularly it even got to the point that the arguments bordered already to religion in which i already got scared of because was told honor your father and mother because they no matter what will standby you and if it werent for us you wouldnt be here in the first place i mean that is prettt stupid on a whole new levelthen when people asked them why did he change he was not like that before i still kept getting blamed at edit in the eventuality that i end up dead in jail or both considering its my parents here that i am talking about please a visit or talks from a stranger who has been through so much wont hurt,1
unemployed 23m i cant stop fantasizing about an attempt i have been battling serious depression for 3 years i have been getting help for over 1 on fluoxetine as well as cannabis i self harm currently 2 months cleanim sitting in my apartment that my parents pay for with my long time friend getting stoned and watching tv all i can think about is cutting myself or killing myself i even saw my counsellor today that my parents pay for sigh i will never be abke to function i frequently fantasize about attempting i dont want to die i just desperately want more immediate help i just want to stop suffering in ontario canada our mental health support is terribleive failed and had to drop out of university all at once i lost free counselling prescription coverage and my transit passim currently trying to fill out job applications and get my resume out how am i supposed to workive been hospitalized before and it was fucking horrible 8 hour wait time in emergency then a 72 hour hold i will go into cannabis withdrawals and theyll shove me full of fucking benzosmy counsellor wants me to toss the blades and eat obviously but neither have happened yetmy friends and family our supportive yeti am still uselessi am so tired i just dont want to live anymore it doesnt seem worth it to me or everi amonly alive to stop others from suffering,1
when will it end since 14 almost 26 now ive wanted to kill my self for so many times ive stopped counting its always the same i feel there is something wrong i have a strong anxiety attack and then i start to think of committing a suicide i start to look for the best way how to do it then my calming pills start work i cry myself to sleep and the next day i want to visit a doctor and tell her i need help sometimes i do that sometimes i dont she sends me to see a psychiatrist and then to another psychiatrist and they all will prescribe some pills that help me to sleep but never to solve any of my obsessive thoughts of committing suicide then i live normally again for few days weeks ifi amlucky even monthsand then its back it will always come back right now the frequency of these attacks is increasing few months ago i moved and now i live alone which i dont really handle well i try to overcome my breakup that has happened almost 8 months ago after 3 years together while i still love him i have a new job which is stressful on its own high school teacher here and i havent still finished my uni programme and the time flies so fast without me doing anything productive so nowi amsitting here writing this stuff so that i dont browse the suicide advices websites and i amasking myself what the hell is wrong with mei amyoung very attractive intelligent kind person who has the whole future ahead of her but i amjust unable to appreciate it because there is something very wrong inside of my head people around me would never expect it as i come off as a confident popular extrovert and it makes it even more difficult to actually speak about this with anyone in my life my parents know about it but we are not in much of contact and my friends have their own lives and problems this is a vicious circle if it ever ends it will be not a happyend another worthless person who wishes nothing else than go to sleep and never wakeup one day it is going to happen hopefully it will be done by the hand of fategodwhatever and not by my hand the odds right now are on the latter though ,1
amdefectivei amstaring down my preferred method right now cant even begin to describe the amount of shit on my backthree suicide attempts later here i am about to make a fourth one and i amusing a throwaway to post becausei amscared of potentially surviving this oneback in december i had a terrible injury from falling on my own body with my full then weight of 97 kg a follow up to three nasty concussions from falling down stairs and getting kicked in the head a shot nervous system chronic pain a fucked spine limb weakness tingling total loss of function in arms and legs i cant go anywhere alone in fear that i will lose control of my legs in the middle of a crosswalk or something massive fucking medical bills and i amdirt poorim a minor and i have a very i willegal jobi amholding down at a small accounting company to help my parents pay my dorm and medical bills and regular life expenses i recently had my glasses stolen so thats another large sum of money and visual impairment to deal with until i save up for a new pair 11yrs of terrifying skin picking issues left me looking like a meth addict as mothers of small children in public places often like to tell me i cant eat anymore i havent been able to sleep properly since i was an infant but nowi ambreaking down from exhaustion i feel like more of a liability to everyone than a friend or a family member or a girlfriend or a daughter i cant tell my mom everything i cant tell my friends i cant tell my girlfriend if any of the secrets i keep get leaked into the publici am going to be facing certain homelessness discrimination from teachers like the other kids like me in my high school i will get firedi am already dragging a massive blanket of trauma from back then i dont want to do this any morei amdone if my body isnt planning on killing me somehow i will do it by my own fucking selfi cant even reach out to a therapist tried three of them two didnt take me seriously when i started off by mentioning my skin as a legit issue i have mentally and one just told mei ama typical whiny child who should just grow up and learn how to live with and not make a big deal out of being disabled in any wayive been actively suicidal for years nowi amsick of lying thati amokay to everyone i know to ensure at least a modicum of a normal life of being abused by peers by my own body by my brain by myselfim fucking done with it hell maybe i will take myself off of everyones fucking back at least my parents wont have to spend so much money on a defective useless child who doesnt make the good grades she used to make and who cant even be healthy and happy like literally all the others cheers everyonei amdone,1
my world has come crashing down and i cant see any other escape i also posted this in and soi am sorry for double posting but i feel like this thread was actually more suitable heres my storyive just been dumped by my boyfriend of 4 years for another girl with who hes been friends with since before we met he slept with her before we met and apparently has been talking to her without me knowing all throughout our relationship he hasnt physically cheated per se that i know of but i feel hes been emotionally cheating on me for a while it hurts so fking much that its actually like physical pain at the moment and i cant stop crying hes also refusing to talk to me we all live in the same place and i amjust heartbroken and horrified by the idea that i have to see them together in the future and bump into them ive also found out that my dad also had an affair with someone when i was 18 years oldi amnow 26 and when i had anorexia i was close to dying from my anorexia and cheated on my mum theyve been married for 35 years and my dad has always been my rock who ive always looked up to their relationship was one i idolised and always wanted i cant get my head around the idea he cheated on my mum my sister died when she was 8 and i was 4 and they managed to get through that my mum deserves so much better and i am so angry that he could ever do that to her at such a vulnerable time in their lives this year ive also lost my best friends after an incident happened at a hen party which made me reevaluate if they were actually friends they were acting bitchy and awful and so i ended up telling the bride that i dont think i could be her bridesmaid anymore and she ended the friendship and all the other friends sided with her ive lost my friends my partner and my dad in such a short space of time i feel like i have nothing but my job but even though i love my job its not enough to keep me going i feel like no one wants me in their lives i cant stop crying and i just want to die i dont see what the point to anything is anymore my mum is my only friend i have,1
double suicide i dont know whati amsupposed to say in all honestly other than just me and my friend are planning a double suicide within the next month,1
i cant keep going like this ive had suicidal ideation for almost 20 years now ive never gone through with it though i just keep going along not changing anything surviving for another day i am excellent at talking a good game making plans etc but i have no follow through on the one hand that means i am still alive but in the other hand that means nothing gets better and really things just get worse i am amazingly disconnected and detached from life i just dont care about anything i havent been doing my job it has finally caught up to me and will likely be fired this week i dont exercise i dont sleep right i dont eat right i barely manage to keep myself distracted for enough for it to be time to go to bed again i avoid everything i can i just want to die i just want it to stop nothingness would be a gift but i cant do it i cant follow through please god just kill me,1
i want the sadness to end hello soi ama 17 year old high school student who has been contemplating suicide latelyfor the past 2 years ive felt depressed almost all of the time i cant pinpoint any external factors in my life that might make me feel this way while ive never been officially diagnosed with clinical depression or anything both of my parents have so i believe its not too far fetched at all to say i may be genetically predisposed for it or somethingsome stretches of time have felt harder than others this past week is one of those times ive had trouble getting to sleep ive woken up late or early every day ive had trouble focusing i dont feel engaged in anything i do i cant get myself to do any school work and ive cried for at least half an hour every daythe worst of it all has been the suicidal thoughts ive unwillingly visualized myself killing myself in various ways the thoughts are simultaneously terrifying and liberating i dont think i have the nerve to act on them but i worry sometimesive been taking medication generic lexapro every day and meeting with a counselor for an hour every week both of these have a positive impact for sure but i dont know that theyre enough i still feel hopeless sometimes like my life isnt worth living i feel miserablethe worst part of it is that i feel like nobody would really notice if i did kill myself i feel like those who would notice wouldnt care all that much my mom gets mad at me when all i can do is mope around the house my dad rarely sees me and never seems to take my depression seriously one of my little brothers seems to despise me at worst and feel neutral towards me at best the other is a real sweet heart but said to me earlier today that nobody loves me that got to me all of my friends except for one have grown really distant from me over the past year the only friend i have who makes me feel wanted and loved by somebody has been out of the country for about 9 months and wont return home for about 9 more i dont know if i can last that long i miss her so muchi honestly feel like i want to die right now i want the sadness to stop i cant handle it i feel worthless right nowsorry if it seems likei amjust seeking attention but i amhoping getting this off my chest will help any advice support comments etc are appreciated a lot,1
another sunday another day spent lonely in agony spent pretty much the entire weekend on my own alone like i always do while i had some stuff to do for friday evening and saturday today was just painful sitting there alone imagining ways that could give me an excuse to finally off myself i dont want this miserable life and this miserable life doesnt want me why do i have to keep pushing on please just make it stop and this is just one weekendi am not excited that i will have to work tomorrow but at least i will be around people that barely say a single word all day but still people i cant imagine how i will get through my vacationlet me die ,1
moving the schedule up making this post for posterity and closure and all that shit not looking for help ive fucked myself academically already meaning my criteria for killing myself happened before the date i setmeaning theres no reason to stick around until decemberim going to go buy rope that can withstand enough force to crush my cervical spine and then i am going to go hang myself in the parki do not particularly care who finds me at this pointsigning off ,1
alcohol and a bullet what a combo ive suffered under depression for as long as i can rememberi am29 now but this bullshit started before middle school my mother and father divorced shortly after i joined the server that its earth my mom cheated on my dad with a worthless price of garbage and my dad walled up like china i was raised into this situation where no matter what i did someone important to me said it was wrong and that i should do better,1
i am scared i am only 12 years old and i genuinely want to die i feel so alone and its like everyone is oblivious to what is happening to me because i am so young so no one ever thinks that maybe something is wrong ive opened up to my sister before telling her i am depressed and i need help and she says youre growing up its hormones you ll be fine not even smoking weed helps anymore my sad thoughts find a way though and ive come to a conclusion there is no other escape other then suicide ,1
almost gone friday i couldnt see or feel any reason n to continue i couldnt stop crying and was hiding from my kids at one point i was looking for a bottle of pills sobbing and my younger saw me she started crying hugged me and said she did not want me to be sick i felt nothing i said what i knowi amsupposed to say mommy will be finei amjust a little sick but tomorrow it will all be fine my other daughter arrived and so did my husband they all cried and i felt even worse for what i was doing we all slept together i hate myself for not being able to cope and pretend its all fine i hate thati amruining their childhood and my husbands life i really want better for them ,1
the resources suck every single resource even if they say they have online chat or cal you requires you to pick up a phoneim never going to do that i dont do that to even do anything in my lifei want help but i am so ashamed to get it for real in my real life i know i shouldnt be sitting on the toilet in the middle of the night thinking how much better off my spouse would be without me but it happens and its night i cant call i wont call i will just try to keep it together pretend that i make progress on my goals for my masters every day in reality i am so miserable and unhappy i dont have much energy left he deserves so much more than me there doesnt seem to be that much argument,1
i have to learn swedish and i am suicidal wtf swedish is so gay i will now kill myself if you cant make me know everything of swedish immediately,1
i really need someone i care about to tell me how much i matter to them right now well i care,1
why the f havent i killed myself yet hey i heard of this community and i thought id try to talk here to see if anyone could help me anyways i have dependent personality disorder avoidant personality disorder ptsd and depression with psychotic symptoms life is literally hell the only motivei am still alive is my girlfriend whom i love very much but we are in a ldr and i amgetting the feeling she is getting tired of me i understand why i mean i have literally no qualities to myself and i amvery high maintenance for the reasons i mentioned above so yeah it does make sense that someone as good as her would notice that she deserves better than me but still i want to fucking die because i literally cant survive on my own and shes the only person i trust and if she leaves i will have nothing left to live for other than my cat i guess but thats a little dumb a reason to live for and yeahi amjust here waiting for her to finally break up with me which shes obviously going to do soon and when she does it i will kill myself idk if i can get talked out of it but i guess i just had to vent thank you for reading this shit,1
colleaguefriend of mine is leaving hints not sure how to take it from there so a girl i work with has rapidly become a great friend even a bit more shes been leaving kind of heavy hints that she has suicidal thoughts and even a plan she told me she had another 4 months that she cant wait for it to end that she understands shes something for her friends and entourage but that shes had enoughim not exactly sure what i should do in that regards should i contact the suicide hotline in my region should i tell her i feel like id betray her but all i want is her safety above all should i listen more and confirm before well talk later tonight ive read the 2 posts in the sidebarim pretty sure i will be able to relate with her and use some of the tips that were in the concerned but dont know what to say post i was in a pretty dark place in the last few months i just dont know how to proceed next anyone got any ideas or suggestions,1
title i suppose i should say something here just in case i dont end up doing it later when its more crucial its probably just the hormones and brain chemicals fucking it all up again soi am trying not to come off as just some bitchy swm i dont really have a lot to complain about its not likei am in an abusive situation anymore and i ampretty much a productive member of societyi have no money problems at presenti guess i just have no friends or any idea on how to make themit doesnt really matteri amthe one causing my own problems anyway maybei amdepressed anxious crazy who knows anymore i cant figure it out i dont want to waste peoples time crying for help if theres no point to helping me i should be able to deal with my own problems i guess thats all i say right now,1
 i want to commit suicide but not really i just got bored of life existence is pain i am mentally tired and its getting scarier since i started to plan stuffthis text was two times longer but i shortened it so its readable and i am really sorry for mistakes english is not my native language,1
i need to tell my story to someone and i need advice i appreciate you all taking the time out of your lives to listen to me complain about mineim 14 and i have what most people would consider to be a blessed life i live in a large 2 story house with my parents and my dog and i have everything i could ever want somehow i still wish i was dead i have adhd and in the first for years of my school life i had not yet been diagnosed with it yet everyone thought i was literally autistic but i didnt have the label of autism i had no friends only people who sighed when i walked in the door i wish he hadnt shown up today or crap hes back in 5th grade i was for lack of a better word diagnosed with adhd and given medication for it unfortunately those years have left extremely needy with attention and so clingy to friends that i actually begin to worry for example lets sayi amhaving a text conversation with one of them and they want to call me to talk about something if i dont receive the call request from them within the 10 seconds i being to question whether they actually want me as their friend and if maybe they dont trust me enough i care about peoples opinions so much that i actually consider going through a lot of extra effort to please them a small example before posting this i considered making a burn account so that you guys wouldnt look at my username and think i was some overdramatic 12 year old moving on i have a terrible short term memory when it comes to things which is the root of my problems often times my parents give me chores to do and within 10 minutes ive forgotten the only thing i can remember anything about is my video games which are slowly consuming my life theyre all i care about and similar to drugs i count my life in terms of time until my next playing session my parents then proceed to yell at i yell back i get yelled at for yelling back and then they simply delete every game i own as i stated earlieri ambeginning to live for video games and when they get taken away i have no reason to live this puts me into a state of being passively suicidal amphysically and emotionally tired of this constant struggle i just want it all to end but i dont have the guts ive considered cutting then decided it was probably too painful i dont have anything to overdose on i dont have firearms and the nearest cliff is 13ish miles away i cant travel that far alone without my parents realizingi ammissing what do i do,1
contacting suicidical friends family but it could worsen the situation one of my closest friend is feeling suicidical its not the first time hed been in such place before last one about 3 years ago then ive been trying to help as much as i could contacted our mutual friend for advice what to do my friend doesnt know about that i did this somehow through all our effort he calmed down and got up on his feet again lately he is feeling again the same and i believe it got more serious he already thinks about what he wont see anymore and i suspect he has a plan that it would look an accident not a suicidei had then and i have now this urge to contact his family about it i dont really know them well except my friends cousin my friend blames his parents for being inconsiderate of him and made his life miserable that they arent supporting or understanding but here i face dilemma if i tell his cousin who would probably tell his parents i might lose my friends trust right now he trusts me since he is telling about suicide to me i can talk about it with him and telling to his family might drive him away and make the situation worse on the other hand i fear that my help might be not enough and to save him i need more help from more people who know him so my question is should i contact my friends familly and tell them about situation even if it might result in him hating me for breaking a trust and never ever tell me about suicidical thoughtsps i read guidelines about talking to people at risk pps sorry for my english there are more important things than it right now,1
i want to die all of my friends are fake and nobody cares about me ive lost the only thing that makes me happydrugs and i feel more worthless than ever i just want to cut down my arms and lie in my bathtub and die,1
fucked up foster kid didnt really know what to title this or where to start i guess i will start about my past so you can understand whyi am so fucked up now i dont know my birth father my step father not married and mother were drug addicts used to beat and neglect me i stayed with them until i was 12 and played into foster care with my step father in jail and my mother in rehabi amcurrently a 16 year old female living with a foster family my moms parental rights have been terminated and i am now essentially property of the state this whole issue has lead to chronic depression throughout my life now a days i just want to die and wish i wasnt born i spend most of my time on the computer wasting what would probably be the best years of my life i play a pretty small mmo like 100 active people that people like me on made some friends and had some relationships on it but nothing seems to be enough for me in real life i am made fun of for being poor foster parents optimize profits by buying clothes from good will and having the maximum amount of children in the house which is 8 in my state again theres no one i would really call a friend some people are nice to me and thats about it it just feels like nothing is enough thati amalways lonely and feel unloved unwanted and just tolerated i can never keep friends or friends group something happens usually small that hurts my feelings like not getting invited to do something or not being told information i get mad or upset and this stuff happens fairly often i think this damages my connections to people online which brings up a question i can never get people to answer if i am offended or hurt from something small and they dont see what it is experience from years of friends groups is it their fault or my fault like i am fucked up mentally so should i feel bad for feeling this way likei ambroken someway that i feel different from most people i have abandonment and trust issues i need to clingy to someone to survive which lead me to date people online usually older people oldest was a 25 yo when i was 15 i dont know what to do for this i have friends but if i ask them about this stuff it seems like its just an attempt for attentions like they would think wow you want to kill yourself because we didnt invite you and you can say they aint your real friends if they think that but its me thinking this i dont want to live i cant stop feeling this way i cant stop clinging to a random person that ends up being a dick and hurting me i cant stop losing friends i went to the woods earlier to look for trees to hang myself from guess you guys and me writing this as a therapy tool are the only people that can try to helpedit issues probably are from trying to find someone to love me like a parent should,1
amworried about my friend hes not been doing well and has seriously thought about killing himself in the past and more recently hes losing what seems like a lot of weight i dont know how to be supportive very well i dont know what to say to if he brings it up i just feel like whatever i say will make things worsehow do help someone going through these issues,1
what now okay guysi amnew here to reddit and i amcoming here because i found this area of the site and right now this is the advice help conversation i need long story short been battling depression for years now whichi amsure some of you know is a living hell in itself ive been down to the point of having the classic place and time and method to end it all but brought myself to not go through with it last night it got to me really badly i almost ended up doing it i went online and went to the suicide hotlines online chat well i was 18th in line so i turned on some music and between the 2 hour wait and pandora changing the music from gloomy to more upbeat it helped out when i get to thinking like that its kinda like two parts of my brain or two mes are thinking different thingsone side is saying do it one side is telling me not to and being rational its hard to describe because its so odd to me that my mind is kinda like having 2 different thought processes at the same time but both are so clear and defined today isnt much better so far and its just getting too tiring to combat anymore ive debated about going to the er last night and if it gets that bad tonight again i might but honestlyi amscared of whats going to happen i got a job i got bills i got debtsi am trying to pay off i dont need to be thrown deeper into it i just need an outside voice right now what do i do because the thought of going on another day like this is unbearable but at the same time the rational side of my brain like i mentioned earlier and tells me your outta luck you have to i just want the constant fight to end and everything not be a pain in the rear if this wouldnt be the right place i am sorry seemed like the right place to post this thank you guys for taking the time to read this ,1
after i smoke the last bit of my weedi amdone goodbye reddit,1
long story of my shitty life so this all started around 5 years ago when my great grandad died i didnt know him very well as i was around 8 or 9 at the time but when he died all i remember is my mum lying with my dogs crying her eyes out i now know this is because my mum didnt have a dad growing up so she saw him as one my great grandad dying caused my mum to become heavily depressed which soon progressed into alcoholismmy mum being an alcoholic it has been going on for around 5 years now but i will just tell you all the times i can remember that are significant first one is around 3 4 years ago my mum got shit faced and left we found her a few hours later i say we but it was my brother and dad as i was 10 and she came back and yelled then passed out second time was a repeat of 1 just around a year later it happened a few times 6th time biggest it was november 5th and my family was throwing a bonfire for some friends of theres they used to be mine but i will get to that and we made a huge bonfire behind our house in a field but we left our mum and her friend because it was cold and they didnt vcare but by the time we had gotten back my mum had drank around 34 bottles of wine the equivalent of a pint of jd and was out of it later that night there friends have gone my brother was sleeping in my room because he was scared of my mum as when me and my dad were directing our guests back as they were wattlking she had being saying things to him like do you want to die she was drunk later that night we woke up to the sound of my mum banging and yelling at my dad alan i need a fucking wee then started throwing stuff and smashing stuff so my dad called the police and she was put in a drunk ward for a 12 hours final one for now it was around june and my brothers girlfriend was around and he had bought me some csgo keys and made me a coke and rumi am14 so there was 101 coke to rum and he had left like 100ml left and it was gone so he asked my mum and she started freaking out yelling at my brother girlfriend to get the fuck out of her house and that she is not welcome and the same at my brother and sines then around 2 and a half months i have seen him once and i had to spend the night at my mums friends house and she didnt pick up her phone and knowing how she is and what she has done before i thought she had slit her wrists and died this timemoving 200 miles away after what happened my parents decided to move back to the north of england moving closer to family i see once a year and 200 miles away from friends i now have 1 friend ish and see my cousins once a week and am living with my grandma who is a compleat bitch my family are still in nottingham and the reasoni am not friends with the other family is because of moving also school here is shit and all i do really is sit in the lessons do all the work do homework at lunch and come home and eat basically my life has gone from worse to worse to worse and i truly believe there is nothing worth living for now ,1
i ruined everythingi am so selfish i ignored the one friend i had and i did it like it was nothingi am so dumb i didnt even realize how lonely she was so she forced herself to be someone else to fit in i broke her and i cant change it now i feel like i should just vanish from her life so maybe she can be happy and doesnt have to fake being my friend anymore i just want to go back and fix it i want my friend back without her i feel likei am nothing she was the only person who was there for me and my birthday is coming up and i dont want to have to ask her to go somewhere with me it will be awkward and i will have to act happy and i cant handle iti am tired and i just want to fix things but i dont know how and i am tired of tryingi am tired of this pain i just want someone to care for me but no one does no one does anymore because i hurt everyone around me i lie and i act likei amthe victim and i dont know why what is wrong with me i convince myself i deserve happiness but i donti amjust one of the millions of people in this world who will never do anything meaningful or anything to improve this planet or the people living in it all i am is a burden getting in the way of people who might make difference in this world what would even happen ifi amgone a few people will shed a few tears and people at school will pretend they were my friend and that they loved me when no one did and no one even knew who i was i mean who am i really hurting if i leave this world,1
the road to recovery is winding is there really any point to trying anymore if i have to make it through the twists and turnsi cant stop crying i cant eat i cant sleep dammit i cant even smoke cigs i constantly feel like throwing up i dont have anyone i can talk to i have been working so fucking hard for months and months and months and months and it has felt like a waste of time for too longi amgetting tired ive been self sabotaging and reckless and thats only made it worsewhat is the fucking point man,1
what is the fucking point what is the fucking pointto be happy how why it doesnt last pain is the default and it always comes backive tried years ive tried pushed from one pill to the next so i can be numb enough to enjoy the rat racegutted myself in front of every therapist until they feign empathy before taking my crumpled bills since they never accept my insurancemy clothes are made in sweatshops my food was tortured horrifically lawmakers are corrupt soldiers work for profit love is an i willusion money is fake everything is a scam everyone lies everyone steals everyone hurts no one is innocent and it just keeps going and going and goingwere all just dumb pack animals who cling to routine and jump from one cycle to the next to keep ourselves busy and blindso why continue whats the point because it gets better why would anyone want to get better in such a crooked world,1
injection i attempted suicide a while back and made a cocktail of medicine and injected it in my arm it didn t work i got better temporarily now i need to go is there a way i can make it work this time,1
what is the easiest way to kill yourself what is the easiest way for a 15 yo to kill himself without much pain ,1
i will end it on my 16 birthday i dont have any motivation to livei amself confident i have lots of friendsi amintelligent and i am not ugly but i cant do this anymore our lifes have no goal and we are so tiny compared to the whole galaxy life is too boring without weed or alcohol i will kill myself because i have absolutely no patience and motivation to do this for still around 70 years and whats the difference to the world when i kill myself i can do it so quick and afterwards i cant even care about the other people that are still in this world alsoi amjust really curious about what happens after our lifes if we become just nothing its okay because i wont even realize it and if theres some kind of afterlife it wont be as bad as this boring world i guessi amjust an egoistic arrogant lazy and depressed asshole that is really curious ,1
why is it hard to open up to people i want to open up to someone a friend about my suicidal thoughts but i don t want to be any inconvenience i don t want them to think of me differently i don t want them constantly asking me if i m okay,1
i feel like i want to just die i was born in a third world country and i was also a secondary class citizen all of my life i always cry to the point thati am too emotional to be considered a man i immigrated to america when i turned 15 and so far ive been trying to build my social life that i never had i dont have many friends and i never had a relationship with a girl causei am not attractive physically or mentally i feel like everything i endured was just pointless and had no meaning i always wish that i get cancer or die in an accident or in a shooting ,1
what can i doi am18 and my whole life i felt like i am worthless i just recently started talking about it and everyone thinksi ama fucking idiot my parents tell me that they tried everything and always ask why do i feel this way they thinki am an idiot ive been through several psychologists and all they tell me is that it all depends on you you choose how you feel since i was 12 ive been through several failed suicide attempts and everyday i think about how thats the best choice for me ive pushed everyone out of my life i had a girlfriend and friends and a social life but every single one of the people i loved left me or i pushed them out of my life i am on the last year of high school which i fucking hate and i am not even sure ifi amable to finish it at all i literally have no one to talk to every year every month every week every day i just feel emptier and shittier i think about last year and i amlike fuck it was so much better back then i was thinking about the year before and i was life fuck it was so much better and so on like i saidi am18 but holy fuck thinking that i have to life at least yet another 18 years scares the living fuck out of me i dont know what to do today i gave myself a month if nothing changes thats iti am not gonna fucking fail this time every time someone tell me that oh its just in your head everything depends on you you choose how you feel i think about a guy i knew who killed himself a year ago yep he definitely chose that you know just like i choose to feel emptier each year for no good reasonsorry for the long rant,1
i was going to kill myself over loneliness through several accounts ive posted on suicidewatch several times in my life earlier this month i was destined to end my life loneliness and depression were killing me and fast i thought of myself as worthless and destined to fail i was counting down the daysbut i found someonei met him he has similar issues to me and we realized how similar we are how relatable we are and we love each other and nothing can change thati am so proud to sayi amalive and finally thank you for motivating me to live and stay optimistic ,1
cutting myself these past few years ive been depressed and have an irge to cut myself and maybe do anything to make me feel something but the urge of cutting only comes wheni am really really down to the point of wanting to diei am not religious but i am still scared of commiting the greatest sin ending ones life and this not really wanting any scars on my body i even consider cutting myself on places that people wont see but then i will have a thought about me with someone what if he sees it maybe i just dont want to give them any evidencesi amjust afraid that my fear of commiting the greatest sin and having a scar would no longer stop me for killing myself i know my parents love me but theyre kind of toxic they call me crazy sometimes even ifi amhaving a good day its always perfect timing bec before the day ends they would ruin it for me and we are not the type who shares what we feel,1
giving things a last chance if it fails its over i cant handle all this here is what i have to face everyday meet the hell thats my life i am not ready to give up despite everything not yet but now if i fail to receive support i dont know where i can go and what i can do i cant handle this its awful the weight and trauma on my shoulders ,1
advice hey soi am going through a terrible timei ama manic depressive and my girlfriend broke up with me recently i feel she is my soulmate i have cheated on her in the past when i was unmedicatedi am not using mental health to excuse my terrible behaviour and i would do anything to change it she says she needs a break but cheated on me with a friend i totally understand this as she is not over what i did to her and i wish her well she says she is optimistic we can make it work but only after shes found herself and we are still friends i miss her so much and am literally waiting for her to come back i have no idea what will happen if she doesnt it fucking hurts so much to imagine her hands on him and whilst i forgive her i have never felt worse i have bought all of this on myself and its never been this bad for me someone help please,1
when i was younger id listen to music in the dark and think about the future but doing that today only reminds of how good life was back then when i gazed on the stars and not into the darkness you taken any steps towards that future,1
i feel so lonely every day but actively try and close myself in and keep away from people causei amdepressed but i understand why people arent reaching out to me i wouldnt talk to me if i were someone elsei amvery cold and dont speak that much i didnt before either but then i didnt try and push away people in a dissregarding way like if there is some basic reluctance of some sort to talk with themi dont know what i should do,1
am going to do it in march i almost successfully killed myself this is grim but the feeling i felt when my body was shutting down was like a relief compared to how id been feeling prior i want everything to end ive tried to hard to express to the mental health services thati ama liability to myself and yeti am still forced to wait i cant wait any more i think i need to do this this year has been beyond cruel to me i lost all my friends my longtime partner and now am being accused of accusations i dont even want to mention being demonized beyond any reconciliation is just too much i tried so hard i pushed through all these months in hopes things would improve it didnt ive never been so alone it just shows i truly have no place here and it doesnt stop its one thing after another that just breaks me down over and over again i just want to sleep forever my life is going no where my efforts are wasted and i lack the ability to form strong bonds with peopleim going to die alone how fucking pathetic this is nonsensical rambling but i just need to get it out either as my subconsciousness trying to seek help or just leave something behind i dont know any more sorry for this mess of a posti am not well,1
i want to die i want to die because i am fat my life sucks and i am depressed so i want to suicide but in norway its not easy to get a gun i want to die painless what do i do,1
i honestly will never understand why everyone keeps telling me suicide isnt the answer somewhere on the internet a few years ago i read that the probability of coming into existence is 1 in 400 trillioni amthe result of thousands of people having sex with the right person at the right time for me to come into existence one small detail 100000 or 25 years ago couldve made my existence impossible while i know that my life is a miracle i cant help but think of suicide ive been suffering from chronic depression forever my life is an ocean of sadness i always tried to keep on being positive when one day it was raining i was looking out the window my boyfriend and i stayed home we both took a day off from work i was thinking of how lonely sad unfulfilled and hopeless i was feeling despite being loved despite having the perfect family a really goodlooking guy who loved me good friends but i still felt unfulfilled and empty i broke up with him that was the moment i gave up on my optimism from that moment i became hard to be around and our relationship ended i still have my friends who are aware of my condition they respect the fact thati am not always in the right mood to try to have fun and go out but i feel lonely hopeless nothing keeps me happy you know life is a miracle yes but sometimes one just runs out of resources for coping with the pain think of life like a business in this case when there are no resources to keep it going all you have to do is give up on it i dont want to live anymore yesterday i spent my saturday night at home and i looked out of the window i didnt jump because i didnt feel ready but the thought of it didnt really scare me at all it was actually comforting i think i will do it in three months i have a date i wont regret shutting my business down ,1
am so lonely it physically hurts what should i doi just want the pain to stop,1
someone help me to kill myself with carbon monoxide ive done my research and concluded that carbon monoxide seems to be the least painful method of suicide out there but only if done correctly i just need help with setting everything up and having the right specs etc to ensure i have a peaceful death i already know that the co has to be as pure as possible to avoid a feeling of suffocation what i need to know is things like what ppm of carbon monoxide should i get what size should the cylinder be how many litres are necessary what specs should i have for the roomi am doing it in a medium sized garage anything else you can think of that would ensure my death be painless and certain thank you in advance,1
mind deteriorating body feels numb occasionally thoughts pop up and dont go away for hours at a time unsure why anymore its been so long i cant track down why i feel sad whenever i seek help from whatever i had left of friends they assumei amjoking and just messing with them and sayi amfucked up and spread rumors thati am an attention seeking sociopath and it scared me from talking to people i know personallyim scared to calltext professional help becausei amafraid police will come to my location and my parents would know and i am not ready for thati have a bad relationship with them i never talk to them about serious things and they never ask for 5years its been like thatwhat do i do ,1
am18 m alone and ugly ive had suicidal thoughts for the last 4 years my teeth are crooked i have glasses my face is somewhat disproportionate and all my friends make jokes about my appearance all the time i havent had a girlfriend since 2013 and even she was embarrassed to be with me so much so that she broke up with me by telling one of my friends to inform me of the fact because she didnt want to be seen with meat this point i dont know what to do since that time ive had suicidal thoughts but never as much as nowi amthe only one of my friends that is a virgin and it seems like every girl i meet instantly judges me based on my appearance which i dont even blame them for because i am pretty ugly if i do say so myself i love being myself but it seems like nobody else likes it when i ami ama musician but all my friends hate my music and my voice which doesnt exactly help my self esteem too muchi amalso unemployed and in every job interview ive gone to the interviewer acts like they arent going to hire me because i dont look good i cant even get into the college course i want to take because my math grades are too low because of my stupid dyscalculia math disorder i also drink and use drugs heavily too attempt to temporarily remove my problems but it seems the things that i do while under the influence always make my friends hate me slightly more in facti amtyping this while drunk out of my goddamn mind at almost 6 am at this momenthonestly i have no idea what to do at this point ive set a goal for myself that ifi am still a virginalone at 21 thati amjust going to kill myself whats the point of living if only your parents love you and you have no companionship of your own i dont even have any hopes of having children in the future either what woman would want to have a child that grows up to have my fucked teeth and eyes i certainly dont want to subject another human to this mental abuse no matter how accepting our world becomes in the future what the fuck am i supposed to do,1
i feel so damn lonely and i dont know what to do i am crying as i am typing this i just really cant take this feeling anymore i may as well give up now and end this pain,1
killing myself tonight update i cant do it cuzi amjust a fucking bitch turns out its a lot harder to shoot yourself in the mouth than i thought the human survival instinct is fucking cruel,1
can anyone convince me that this world isnt just a cold and uncaring place and that life is actually worth living ,1
this is the last chance i have no hope i cant control my emotions and i know nobody understands how i feel and nobody can help me i dont want to live anymore and there isnt really anything stopping me from overdosing right now to make it stop ,1
i have nothing lefti ama user and a piece of shit i woke up this morning to the best friend ive ever had pointing out all the waysi ama fake piece of shit thati amself centered and only pretend to care about others for personal gain and shes right ive denied it every other time ive been told the same things but her explanation made me realize i have to stop lying to myself i have no one anymore i have maybe 2 or 3 friends i can go to anymore no family and a shit job that overworks me that i will probably be fired from soon because my depression makes me as slow as fuck ive had no home since i was 17 a high school dropout an addict i just see no way of my life getting better anytime soon and my entire life has only gotten worse the older i get the first time i tried killing myself was at 8 fucking years old i cant even count how many times ive tried after that all i do anymore is work sleep and think of the quickest way to go out,1
no point of living anymorei am17 and still in high school no friends no girlfriend nobody talks to me at all during school tried crisis text lines about 20 times and theyre all worthless piles of shit nobody gives a shit about me so why continue living i dont give a fuck what my family thinks about mei amstarting to think it wont matter what my family will think because i will be dead and wont have to worry anymore they can handle without me anyway i just want to kill myself so i can finally be known ,1
ive never been this depressed in my life my depression is totally untreatable i wish i lived in belgium where assisted suicide for untreatable mental i willness is a thing i cant take anymorei amending it on saturday ive made my final decision not exactly at peace just so sick and tired of suffering and crying of being told i am a burden by my family and friends too miserable to be around being told by religious people that the reasoni am still depressed despite all i prayed and prayed when i was younger that god is punishing me for something and for not being devoted enough fuck thati am so done of being a goddamn loser and burden on society the world will for sure be a better place without me 11 years of therapy and countless meds youd think something would have helped my last relationship disintegrated partly due to my mental i willness partly becausei amugly and fucking boringi amsuch a waste of space ive been so broken to a point of no return ,1
i just couldnt do it lifes been shit since a long time i have grown frustrated over the past few weeks sometimes i just hurt myself slap myself hit myself because i am angry and everything just seems to be my fault my family is totally unsupportive and i dont want to tell them about this mainly cuz theyre the reason behind all this i wanted to kill myself today but i couldnt i had a knife in my hand but i just couldnt images of my best friend popped in front of me and i just dont wanna see her sad i just couldnt ,1
amobsessed with finding out how to kill myself now since the last time i tried it felt really calming thinking i might die and i want to feel that again how do i break that mindset kudos to you that you are already wanting to break that mindset that takes something are you seeing a psychologistother then that do you want to talk about what happened to bring you here,1
whats the point of living if youre only suffering ive never felt happy in my entire lifemy existence has been just a mix of loneliness and painwhy should i go onfor the hypothetical chance that it get better one dayi already feel thati am too old for anythingive missed out on so many thingsi cant go back in timefuck this life and fuck this universe,1
suicidal teen heyi am15 and i amhaving strong suicidal thoughtsi amdepressed have social anxiety and emotionally abused i just want to die i dont want to live i have no reason to continue someone please give me a reason not to just overdosei am so tired of fighting this ,1
i dont deserve a painless suicide i deserve to hurt title pretty much sums it upi ama disgusting coward whose whole life has centered around avoiding pain and conflict i always play things safe becausei amterrified of risk takingi never invite people out or try to build friendships with acquaintances becausei amafraid of being shot down i never go on social media because i cant handle the pain of seeing others have dynamic social lives i dont exercise enough because of how much it hurts bottom line isi ama fucking spineless pussy who will never get the body or social skills he wants i have nothing to offer the world because ive run away from it for so long i think i should kill myself in the most brutal way possible to make sure that i experience all of the pain that i was too weak to handle in life i had a sheltered upbringing no abuse or traumatic experiences my parents pay for me to piss away my time at college so i dont even have financial stress i have had a laughably easy life and yeti am still overwhelmed and miserable realistically i should have died long agoi am20 years old now an adult child and i think its too late to fundamentally change myself into a brave person who can go after what he wants i fled from pain for my entire childhood i want to experience true pain at least once before i die any ideas for a super painful method would be appreciated thanks,1
in the er i tried to od and die and now here i am,1
amlonely i feel pretty lonely i cant find any friends i can get along with or relate to and it makes me hate myself and want to fucking die its hard to find someone that i can trust or someone that isnt annoying or nuts everyone also loves talking shit about me i partially want to keep pushing on but i also just want to take the easy way out and die do you have any advice that could help me out ,1
dont want to be suicidal part of what i write may seem farfetched but its very real and its a crippling issue for meim 19 and in college ive had a very mediocre and unfulfilling social life and almost since elementary i can recall always feeling lonely this in turn caused me to be very shy around anyone i didnt know so i would stay cooped up at home playing video games by high school i just couldnt help but always feel shitty and lonely i had a small group of friends who id play games with but it never changed how i feel i dont know how to even properly express myself on top of all this loneliness i found out i drew the short straw below the belt all the social media jokes girls ive met who made fun of people below the built not hung has taken an even bigger tole on me because any hope i had of approaching a girl i immediately try to get out of my mind because i dont want to know what will happen if any girl i met emotionally destroyed me because of something out of my control on top of all this i cant for the life of me bring myself to enjoy anything i feel like ive grown up to just not enjoy anything but be a lazy loser i go to the gym and i am in shape but thats almost a temporary relief i also feeli amat an age where the way i am is almost set in stone soi amdoomed to be a living waste who just does nothing i just feel like people out there have much more valid reasons to want to be suicidal but here i am entertaining this idea ive already thought about what i would write where i would do it how id do it i just cannot help but feel lonely at all times and its killing me at this point,1
theres no point literally life is the most pointless thing for me i work 14 hours a day 7 days a week and i amonly 18 years old i have no mom dad or family to yalk or fall back on the cityi am in is full of people who only care for themselves leaving me with no friends i have no passions and whenever id like to develop some interest i get home from working 14 hours and just pass out from exhaustion and all this is taught me is life is fucking pointless i get to work my whole life to get to work i have no family to even share this life with and dont want to bring children in this disgusting world of us vs them this life is nothing but stress after stress payment after payment no one loves me everyone is gone and every one else is too busy to want to care about me i dont even care about me i never eat and am constantly high because all i do is work so fuck it might as well get high any chance i can get whats shitter isi amto scared of pain to do anything so i just cry and beg to die ,1
killing myself tonighti amjust bitching for my sake i dont expect any responses i just dont have anyone to talk to anymore so this shit just builds up inside of mei guess its finally come to this ive been depressed for about 7 years now and have been suicidal for damn near all of themi guess i am finally giving in to these thoughts i completely hate who i am in every way and seeing myself in the mirror is just a constant reminder of the failure of a person that i am the only thing that i have really managed in life is getting good grades at a good school but ive given up basically everything to get there ive lost all of my closest friends and ive lost although i never had any of my social skills i dont know how to make friends anymore and i dont know how to hold a conversation with another person ive never had a girlfriend either for that matteri amjust a fucking loseri am not good at anything and i dont have any good relationshipsi used to have a very close friend i met her not too long after i started feeling depressed and i have been very open with her about how i feel she knows more about me than anyoneive told her everything shes the only person ive ever been able to be myself around my friendship with her was the greatest thing to have ever really happened to mei can never put into words how much she meant to mebut we havent talked for almost a year now and i amhurting and i amdead inside i havent been able to feel like myselfi think about her everyday but shes already moved on to other thingsive lost all interest in my major and i have no selfesteem or confidence to really go talk to people to make friends or get a girlfriend or any of that shiti amalone and without direction theres this cute girl in my physics class that i met last semester its a shame thati am too damn boring of a person to hold a conversation and completely lack the selfconfidence to really go after her in a sense ah well she can do much better anywayssorry this is long just trying to get a couple more things off my chestive already written and sent off my goodbyes to my family so i dont have anywhere else to keep spitting out whats on my mind i hope i find peace tonight,1
how can i stop thinking of suicide as a 16yo heyim 16last year i got depresse as hell bad grades friends lost nothing learned videogames addiction wasted timenothing felt alright its better now but not greati wnat to kms but i dont want to lose my parents my brother i just get happy from talking to them from seeing them i feel like they love me and i dont want to see how they would get if i diei need to get the suicide ideia out of my head please help,1
suicide over breakup grief i broke up with my girlfriend over religion and long distance and now she is with another guy i feel like i wanna end it all i want no more pain the pain of regret and guilt and the pain of never being happy again i just dont see the point in continuing i want to end it it has been two months since the breakup please god forgive me,1
am so dumb i feel like such a disgrace i was so drunk last night i sent pictures to guysim young what if they screenshotted the pictures when i die i will only be known as the whore,1
living hurts cutting doesnt hurt dying doesnt hurt i want it to stop,1
feel suicidal but not depressed i have been thinking about suicide for almost one year but i dont think i am depressed i just want to die i still have good sleep and good appetite everyday however i dont know the meaning of life this two days this thought get even stronger i search for different ways to commit suicide and find out their success rates cause i want to ensure that i will die in the first attempt i even decide the place and time for me to do this when i thinking about all this i still live my normal life i go to university chatting with my friends and playing video games i am quite happy with all thesei think i have rational thoughts and i am not depressed i just dont want to live anymore i think that everyone will think of commit suicide in some of their hard times i am not experiencing hard time instead i have quite a peaceful life,1
please let me die i had a date last night and we talked for four hours every guy i date ghosts me i think it is really me now i hate how i am outspoken too passionate i wish i could just be normal and not put people off the last few days i really just want to diei am just worthless and no one is ever going to want me i am 33 and my looks are fading and i am just uglyplease just let me die i just want to never wake up anymore and face a horrible future,1
i feel trapped its only 1 and a half weeks into university and i am already losing it i cant focus on anything i dont know what happened to mei amsick of constantly fucking things upi amsick of being lonelyi amon my last razor and i amout of bandaids and cleaning wipes and i amdebating doing away with the whole sanitizing thing after self harm i want to die and just avoid being a failure washing out and going back to my small town and working a shit job like my dad i just want to fucking kill myself and i cant because all i see is my sister crying at my funeral and i amtrapped i cant take this anymore i dont know what the fuck to do anymorei amslippingi am in a new city i have like 2 friends and everyone else just thinksi am annoying i cant even look in the mirror anymore without hating myself and i cant work up the motivation to go to the gym or eat a salad therapy hasnt worked for me and i dont know if its gonna work here or not i just want that sweet release of death just end it all now get it over with but i cant and i feel trapped in a life i dont even want to live anymore ,1
amworriedi am going to hurt myself hope its okay to post this here i dont normally hang around this part of reddit and i just googled for this kind of subthings are not going so well for me here in my usual way i made things much worse with things i said to my wife and someone else this eveningi feel a gutwrenching loneliness hopelessness and despair i want my life to be overthanks for reading,1
tick tocki amgetting so close to just saying no more my chest physically hurts people around me believe its their faulti amlike this its noti am so done i really really just want to die it doesnt fix anything i know i know i want to break it off and be gone the day after school or work or relationshipi ambroken and alone,1
on the edge of life and death recently my boyfriend broke up with me it would have almost been 3 years i expected this to happened though it seems its the drop that makes me go crazy right now i have zero friends or social skillsi am an alcoholic and i have zero passion or goals in life its really depressing ive been just living for the past 4 years or so not really doing anything proactive just drinking myself to coma every night oh and i moved city for him because of his school i started school too but now i think itll be too much he was my only friend the only person i talked to nowi amentirely lonely in this new city that i dont knowi am really thinking about killing myself it hurts so much tried before but didnt have the courage but now i think the pain is present enough to do it ,1
help i cant kill myself causei amafraid of pain whats the easiest way to take suicide without getting hurt,1
i dont know no offense here its just how i feelwhen i was a kid i used to believe that older means smarter and better kid is older than me of course he is right about everything adults they are saint they never lie and know everythingi amdumb you say guessi amdumb alrightbut then i realized its all a lie well most of it school certainly was a useless lie and teachers are very munipalitive pieces of shit that care only about their paycheck who i thought were the best are actually the worstsomehow i finished school then got pushed into college took a parttime job almost died numerous times or i thought i almost died near graduation my head got completely wild and i seeked helpanxiety depression possibly cyclothymia they cant really unravel this ravel all i know is that i will certainly never attend any kind of normie legal job cause fuck government its because of it i broke same goes for military and hospitalization cause i will either run away or kill everybody there i can draw and write decently so maybe patreon is a way to go but i have no fucking idea what i am what i like what i feel i thought i was straight but i only liked the delusion of straightness i thought i was a cool creative person but i hate drawing as often as i absolutely love it with no rhyme or reason i dont know if i like games or anime even i just hate everything and want to die or i just hate everything and want to kill everything or i want to kill everything because i love it and want to free it from suffering argh completely lost it again,1
asking for help was the hardest thing ive ever done psych ward questions basicallyi amchronically i will my life hasnt gone as planned and my meds arent right ive tried them all except maoi which i cannot at this time afford to be on because i have ednos ive had 2 nervous breakdowns in the past two weeks today shit hit the fan after being told over and over to kill myself on social media and it doesnt bother me what other people think because thats asinine to tell anybody but it reinforced that i have a problem that ive been too afraid to address i talked to my best friend who ive saved his life i love him so much but only in a platonic way which is the most painful type of love for both parties hes my brother from another mother and as much as i love him its too odd to think about being with him becausei am not sexually attracted to him anyway this is off topic so i spoke to him and he urged me to seek help so i told my boyfriend who i was desparately afraid to tell this mondayi amcalling my doctor and i will be in the psych ward if things go okay money wisei amglad i tasked to my bff and that my bf is going to talk with my dadi love you alex you are my brother you are my best friend you are the reasoni amalive today just asi amthe reason youre alive todayi amafraid beyond my wildest dreams to go but i had to take an extra klonopin because i needed to be able to talki am really unable to concentrate but i am not suicidal as of right nowwhat are psych wards likeim pasing out now goodnught,1
i see no good future for myself there is a lot more to it but i amstuck in a family that i cant escapei amgetting older and older and running out of prospects for a chance at a good life the only good possible outcome would be i die of a heart attack before i reach 40 but i doubt the universe would give me mercy like that i want to end it before i become the very same monster my parents were id rather die as i am now than have mental i willness hormone and health problems and addiction turn me into the very thing that still gives me nightmares about my childhoodi am already forced to financially rely on my brother who already has become that and theres no way out,1
what to do i have struggles with suicidal thoughts for over half my life and lately it has gotten so severe that i am scaring myself i am 24 and have severe bpd anxiety and depression i havent left my house in over a month because my anxiety has gotten so out of control little back story i have a fianc who cant keep it in his pants and cheated on me while i was out of state having a medical procedure which caused me to have a full emotional shut down i go from being completely numb to feeling everything and making a suicide plan within minutes i am unable to leave my home which caused me to lose my job and i have been alone a lot since i have been back in town after my procedure the state i live in doesnt have insurance for non working 20 somethings with mental health problems i am trying to find a way to release without hurting myself and feel thati amrunning out of options my fianc doesnt know what to do so he just ignores me and if i try to find way to make myself a tiny bit better he tells me its wrong i just want to stop thinking about these horrible things ,1
i dont know who or what i am i am drowning in work and classes and i just cant take it anymore long i hate every last part of who i am from my gender to my hair color and everything else i hate the bloody disgusting hole between my legs and wish i could fill it with cement piv is not pleasurable for me and stresses me out menstruation pregnancy and birth all sound horrible,1
it doesnt get better i always got told it gets better when i was younger and depressed and felt hopeless and i knew that better doesnt just happen so i gave up everything i had for a chance to have the life i needed as myself but i have just been used more and broken more and hurt more i did everything i could to make things better always do my best but mental i willness has taken over and ruined everything i had left i try so hard every day but its always for nothing and i am so tired the only friend i have left that will speak to me any more still just says itll get better even though they cant say how i did everything i could to make it get better but now i am so much worse off absvhave nothing and almost no one i just want the hurting to stop but i am too scared everyone gas given up on me i hust wanted to be happy ,1
fk oh dear i hope everything is alright over there,1
amthe stupidest and weakest person alive i just want to end it all i am finally living with the man i love we got along great until a few weeks ago long story short he has a woman best friend who he chats with frequently he knows my feelings towards that friendship as she was the reason he moved away a couple years ago he wont tell me anything about their friendship just that shes a really good friend they had a fight around the time he moved in with me and he didnt speak with her for 7 months now theyre speaking again and he never tells me what they chat about he wont even tell me what the fight was about other than it was a misunderstanding we are going on a trip next week and i have paid for about 90 of it because i love him and want him to experience some fun he has depression and anxiety as well he is not himself since he started on a new med he doesnt even cuddle me anymore today we were grocery shopping and whenever he texts this woman he never says anything he had a huge smile on his face which i havent seen in a long time i asked if it was because he was excited about the trip and he said he hasnt really been thinking about it i want to fucking kill myself so bad right now this is the same pain i felt when he moved away i do not want to go through this again i cant go through this again,1
i m done i m just tired of this life i want out i literally have no vision of what the future holds for me i want to end this now but i m too anxious as to what will happen to those around me if i end my life now,1
am so overwhelmed i dont think i can be alive ive been dealing with depression thats been ignored since i was a child ive dealt with wanting to slit my throat for years i have no onei amalmost positive no one will ever love me and certain circumstances strongly limit my choices in life and in the future i dont feel like i can deal with this anymore i feel trapped in a box so small i cant even move its excruciating ive had so many close calls with suicide recently ive had the knife up against my throat and i wanted to do it so badly i dont know what to do anymore i want to kill myself so much ,1
everything is a burden including myself my life is going nowhere why shouldnt i just kill myself i thought once i did something with ym ocd then it would be obvious i dont know what to do now i have no goals and i dont know what to do now i cant handle living on my own i cant drive i cant do anything i seriously dont know what i am supposed to do other than end my lifei feel like everyone is trying to make fun of me and make me as uncomfortable and miserable as possible i just dont see a point in trying to be with others if all they do is hate me and someone will say i love you if anyone reads this but you dont actually you barely know mei amjust an insignificant speck on the world there is no way you know me i could be faking it in fact i am faking my personality i have none of my own so i do this shit,1
please please please tell me why i shouldnt kill myselt because you are worth ityou were worth everyones time every single moment someone even looked at you was worth iti dont know you i dont think i ever will but its almost impossible for a person to see everyone on earth but that shouldnt stop you from trying a 1 change even a 0001 chance is still worth trying,1
i hate being alive i have various tabs open at the moment for suicide not that i am going to kill myself i wouldnt do that i couldnt do thatjust sometimes i feel like its the only option for me to stop having to feel this way all the fucking time i am so tired of everything tired t i r e di know other people have it worse than me believe me i do but you have to appreciate that i have been unhappy and lonely my entire life ive reached the point wherei amjust done about with it its not like ive befallen some terrible tragedy and this is the climax of my story the point where i look starryeyed at the sunset make a heartfelt decision and eventually overcome this great adversity and ultimately grow as a person no that bullshit only exists in movies because in truth life constantly corrodes away you my soul feels as though it is envoloped by this black poison worn down and cracked to the point where this horrible ink just seeps out over anything i touchnothing good in my life lasts it doesnt take long before the good becomes contaminated i cant enjoy my successes because the poison warps them into failures i cant have functional relationships because the poison reminds me that nobody could ever like the real me i cant even get help because the poison constantly makes me feel like i dont deserve itsomething as toxic as myself should just rot,1
sometimes i wonder if maybe i should just commit suicidei am not really planning on it but sometimes i find myself thinking that it would be a relief so often that i dont know why my mind is still averse to the thought of actually doing it i mean i still have a few basic reasons not to like the fact that it would hurt some people and i genuinely worry that if i commit suicide it might trigger one or two more and i always want to imagine that i will figure things out somedaybut the thought of dying sounds so relieving i never feel relief in my life relief is super rare but i still keep doing things and pushing forward and i feel like this lack of relief will always keep me too demotivated to make positive changes so why not just end itsometimes though i wish someone in my personal life would hear my problems and instead of getting uncomfortable or having some typical reaction would actually be concerned and just give me an understanding ear,1
i dont want to live anymore with such never ending pain my whole family is full of evil and wicked people i was always in depression since my childhood due the disease h pylori my parents gave me by birth and also due to their abusive and extremely selfish behaviour my condition got worst with my growing age due lot of stress and bad diet i cant work due to my i willness this h pylori has given me some other diseases also like ibs pcod and hyperemia i am having bloating problems since 11 years now it has got worsen due to stressi am not able to handle this pain as i am soon reaching my breaking point i am living my parents completely dependant on them for food shelter and money for my medicines i cant live separately from them as there is no one to help my all relatives are evil and untrustworthy this place has become worse than hell i cant take antibiotics for h pylori because they just dont suit me as my health is very weak well i a taking a herbal treatment from grocare and they say its because of detoxification i am experiencing these symptoms but i have no energy strength and patience left to handle this pain of depression and this bloating i am just dying day by day always pray to god pls kill me i dont want to live in this hell i never had any intentions of doing bad to anyone in my whole life then why i am living this terrible life with no hope of freedom i can never forget those evil things my whole family including my relatives did to me they used me abused me beat me molested me physically and then gave me this disease i feel like there is no god only a satan running this world just dont know what to do cant even commit suicide due to my dog who only gets love from me for else he doesnt even exist and if i die they will throw him out of their house pls help,1
dont want my roommates to have to deal with me the only thing really stopping me from killing myself is that i dont want my roommates to have to find me and deal with it this doesnt really have to do with anything i just feel really guilty for wanting to die but as a result leaving behind trauma for my roommates to deal with i just wanted to tell someone,1
life is awful right now and i amworried about myself ive been in an awful state of mind i hate to say it but my father took his life recently and i dont know how to deal with it ive suffered from depression and sparse suicidal thoughts here and there but this is icing on the proverbial cake i dont know what to do i need to be here for my mother and younger siblings i need help,1
lost the wrong thing ive been a kissless virgin for 23 years and very recently managed to break the kissless part thanks to being wasted enough to make a move tonight i managed to go home with a girl but lo and behold i couldnt get it up we gave up and i went homeim kinda just feeling nothing right now ive thought about suicide a lot before and attempted one in a half ass kind of wayi amjust done,1
just dont feel like being alive anymorei am not sad or angry really for the past few years ive honestly had probably the best life i can imagine i havent been insanely wealthy but ive managed to make enough money with minimal work to be able to do whatever ive wanted ive been able to sleepstay up as late as i want with no repercussions ive done a fair amount of traveling and had an above average love life ive seen amazing sights eaten at topcaliber restaurants and had virtually zero stressnow it seems thats coming to an end the steady flow of money has pretty much stopped and its likely that ifi amto continue my life i will have to go back to working a regular day job being burdened with debt etc honestly i really just dont feel like doing it again ive tasted the freedom of living a life that gives me whatever i want whenever i want it and i have absolutely zero desire to go back to living paycheck to paycheck following someone elses schedule giving up all of my freedom except that which exists between when i get off of work and when i go to sleepso thats it am i wrong for feeling that way i feel like i could die today and i would be satisfied to have gotten to live the last few years the way that i have if i go on its unlikely i will be able to live that way again for another 3040 years and then i will be too old to enjoy it the same way that i have just seems kind of pointless to restart grinding away at a future that has virtually no chance of being as pleasant as my past why put in the effort,1
i thinki am going to try it tomorrow background this isnt my first rodeo ive been dealing with suicidal thoughts since i was 12 and 14 years later theyre coming up again louder than everwhen i heard about chester bennington and his history of abuse i learned that we were victimized at the same ages his music was life support when i was young and i cant shake the idea that this is just what happens when your life was too hard to deal with as a kid i have 3 degrees in psychology but still cant get this to stop and really thats all i want at this point not to be stuck in this body and mind anymorei lost my job due to depression lost my partner for similar reasons survived a car crash but it fucked with my brain and thats just the past 2 years i havent been able to pick myself up and find a life worth living instead i keep treading water no matter how many job apps i put out or plans i make for the future it doesnt pan out it feels like the end of the road and all i want is an end to the sufferingtomorrowi am going to a show to see one of my favorite bands ive been using this show as a reason to hang on for the past couple months its silly but its been working but when its over theres not a whole lot else to keep me here and i figure ifi am still unhappy at the end of the night then what the hell is the point of holding onif it comes to that tomorrow nighti am going to try hanging myself with a bedsheet slip knotted to the doorknob thrown over top and slip knotted again around the neck ive gotten into the setup before just to see if it would hold and it does i worry about my cat since its just me and her and i dont want to cause her pain not having her owner around shes very attached but in the end its either going to be her or me who goes firstits inevitable i dont know whyi amtelling you any of thisi amjust so alone and it would be good to feel heard i guess,1
so i dont know what to do so late last night someone broke into my home stole 2500 worth of shit and raped my mother and sisters 13 and 15 while i was tied up and forced to watch _ i am so scared i havent stopped crying please help,1
i feel like every bit of temporary happiness i feel is worse punishment than the paini am in nothing ever sticks around people leave me or ignore me or pretend they dont care whenever i feel one good thing it immediately gets even worse right afterward this is torture i dont care if i kill myself becausei am already in hell,1
i dont know when i might kill myself but i am tired of being alone ,1
i dont know what to do idk whats wrong with me i feel nothing i cant cry i dont feel sad i am completely numb sometimes am afraid that i wont even be able to care or being sad if i lose someone important to me its been like this for years but this year its worse i failed my exams last semester i didnt even study for them on some of them i didnt even go to the examination room and i dont feel sad or even worriedmy parents they love me soo much i didnt tell them that i failed i dnt want to disappoint them the only think that keeps me from not committing suicide its because of my family i dnt want them to be sadi had friends i just dnt talk to them anymore i stay in my room 247 i just dont get out of it i dont live with my parents so they dont know about all these stuffs i dont even know how i dont get sick literally i just eat 32 cookies per day i only eat decent meal 1 a week the rest of the week is just cookiebiscuit and tea ive been living like this for 3monthsi really dont know what to do because i failed my exams i didnt go to school to see what i hav to do if failed the whole semester or no i dont know i just stay in my room and watch anime or movies etci just wish i had the power to make everyone forget about me so i could just die without grief the scariest part is the clock is ticking i cant stay like this i have pretty much 1month to decide what to do because the school might kick me out i cant stay here because am not studying tbh my life has been a mess since 2013 i am one of the unluckiest person in the world,1
fear of hell i really really really wanna kill myself but i know that if i kill myself i will go to hell man its the worst form of trap but i am going to hell anyways so why not just make it faster is hell worse than this man i wish i wasnt born religious wouldve been dead years ago,1
how long am i supposed to believe it gets better really tried to improve myself and unfuck my life and to a certain extent i ve succeeded its just not enough i am not sure it will ever be enough,1
struggling more and more each day i find nothing of interest i am lost and drowning i just lack the courage to take the steps to kill myselfim miserable angry tired bored lonely and listless nothing seems to help everything is just a distraction i really dont know what to think and i doubt anything or anyone can really help,1
amfeeling suicidal i hate my life so much,1
can somebody just kill me please whats making you feel this way you told anyone what youre going through or looked into getting help,1
having second thoughts so i just lot a few shipments of things that i earn my life with yesterday i ordered some heroine to od because i literally have no money no education skills family or anything but todayi am not so sure i dont really want to die but just to vanishi amalso really lazy to die or do anything i dont really know what to write,1
just need a place to let some of it out ive been in queue to chat for over an hour at national suicide prevention lifelinei amafraid to call after reading their privacy policy and that they can and will call the police at their discretionbasically i just feel done with life i messed up too badly and permanently too many times to fix it i am full of regret and selfloathing and i cant stand it but though i have the means to do it i wont just because of my family members i believe love me and my two dogs my husband is away for work for a few months and there wouldnt be anyone to take care of them if i do it plus no one would love them like i do i thought having more to do would give me that sense of purpose instead of all this despair but i cant do the things i want to most ruined those opportunities via life decisions that cannot be unmade so instead istarted grad school while working full time in a program i chose only because i could get tuition reimbursement from work so now my days are absolutely filled and all i want to do every second of every day is go to sleep and never wake upi guess i dont really have a point i just wanted to talk and think someone was listening,1
ameither crazy or being haunted but it doesnt matter becausei amalone and miserable can someone please speak to me ive gone years without talking to anyone alive someone please contact me soon,1
my friends are horrible people i have a group of friends and when one is away all they do is talk crap about them i dont but i bet they talk crap about me i am the fattest and ugliest of the group,1
i need a friend now more than ever hi friend,1
i cant take this anymore my mom has been in and out of the hospital for the past 6 years tonight she just left for the er and if shes admitted that would be her 476th visit in the last 6 yearsi amonly in high school taking all ap classes with friends who treat me like shit honestly they dont care about me in the slightest bit all they do is shit on me for trying to make the pain better by taking my prescribed painkillers for a recent surgery i had calling me an addict wheni am noti amgay and they take advantage of that by making awful jokes towards me about it and that theyll get me some dick they know about the situation with my mom yet dont help me when i need them the most i cant take this any longer i feel trapped in my suffering life and i just want to end it i have nightmares every night that all follow the same story my mom dies in the hospital my dad goes into a bout of depression and kills himself because he cant live without my mom and then my 8yearold brother and i end up in foster care i cant do this i just cant live to see the day that it all happens i take a ssri yet i still feel like my life is going nowhere but into a ditch wherei am going to just suffer eternallyplease help,1
ive had a death wish for a while now and its just gotten worse i actually dont know whyi amtelling anyone about this ever since my first depression scare back in seventh grade ive always thought i was getting better the feelings kinda faded out and i generally internalised any desire to kill myself i think thats because my mother started calling it emotional blackmail after about 3 months she tends to put me down a lot the thing is no matter how much we argue no matter how little selfworth she makes me feel i still love her and she loves me my death wish was just general hoping for a truck to hit me or a random heart attack maybe an aneurysm i wouldnt want to kill my self at all i had a lot of hope but i wouldnt have minded dying i always lied on those depression questionnaires at the doctors office i had a feeling my mother would yell at me but recently my life hasnt been going so perfectly in certain areasi amfuckin golden life is greati amactually on track for debate team leadership and i amenjoying school somehow but everywhere else just hurts ive gotten worse at swimming after taking a month off my grades are slipping in a few classes thanks to teachers who give about three assignments a month and on good days i talk to people outside of my family circle on bad days i just get reprimanded for not being a top performer and not being like the rest of the indian community i hold my fingers up to my head and pretend its a gun a lot try to fantasize about what it would feel like i do it a lot around my mom i just pretendi amscratching an itch she hasnt really commented on it frankly i have conversations with myself inside my head wheni amswimming or wheni amlonely it tends to make me feel a bit better other times it makes me feel worse i dont do anything to get more friends or even to keep them just because i fucked up back in seventh grade making me worry that doing anything would make it worse yesterday i wanted to skip swimming and then my mom told me that some friends of mine were ditching to go for a football game she offered to take me but i decided to go to swimming instead mainly because that wouldnt involve as much interacting with people i wanted to become a comedian but ive realisedi am not cut out for that i also wanted to be a neurologist or neurosurgeon but ive realisedi am not cut out for that ive actually thought of how wwiii would give me a chance to enlist and die fighting making me a little bit more useful then i realisedi amclearly insane to even imagine that i dont know how to end this the post or my life its not like i have a gun or anything ive heard that bleach often fails and i dont want to risk that so basically my only effective method is jumping off the roof of my school or some other tallish building god fucking dammit i hate myself,1
i feel like i cant breathe all i every do is worry about money i worry and worry about payments and rent and i feel like i will never have enough money i dont know how to stop i cant keep feeling like this its killing me,1
been feeling empty inside for 10 years and depressed ,1
planning to end it all by the school year if i mess up starting to plan to end my life if i mess up in my english class i already have an f and tried to find ways to relieve my stress if it doesnt go as planned then i need to end my life i hate my english teacher hes crap and expects me to complete 4 pages of notes in a few days this is the best way i could force myself no college if i mess up an f is bad for my junior year,1
i dont want to die but i see no way to get better people always say youre supposed to ask for help when youre suicidal and that itll get better but ive been asking for help for 7 years and now no one knows how to help any more and its still not better ive been through mental health services inpatient and outpatient therapy tried a bunch of meds and the only thing that helped was the medsi amtaking now but sincei amstruggling now the doctors are saying that i should change my meds to another antipsychotic with horrible side effects and to an ssri which have never helped beforei amhonestly scared i wont survive a med change i think my current meds are the only thing keeping me alive i dont want to go back to the way i was before them very suicidal delusional depressed self harming and in and out of the police cells and inpatient all the time because of iti dont know what elsei ammeant to do though my mental health is deteriorating again and i amfeeling very stuck in my current life being 24 single with no family or best friend a shitty fast food job where i probably more money than doing what my qualification is in if i could get a job in it no car and not much money saved because i havent been able to hold down a job before these past 2 years ,1
its over i was not normal i am not normal and i will never be normali have no passion nothing no interests no hobbys i am already dead inside time to kill myselfbye,1
 i bring nothing but burden to everyone i meet i know this is why my mother disowned me and why my father ignored my calls i work in a field that involved me being around a lot of different types of medicine and ive been researching i think i found a good cocktail i havent been as happy as i was when i found out the medicine was available to me in a long long time ive made so many bad choices and took so m any lives for granted what if you can start again and even if not even if its all a vast nothingness it would be so much better than this life i hope for the courage and strength to finally do what needs to be done and be at peace,1
my friends dad told her to kill herself so my girlfriends friend texted her about 30 minutes ago about how her parents just beat the shit out of her and kicked her out so i went to go pick her up to bring her back to my girlfriends house at the moment were at my girlfriends house and her friend is talking to us about whats happened throughout the day her dad basically said if youre thinking about killing yourself just do it already and he also hit her a couple of times after forcing himself into her room while shes changing shes here without any undergarments just a loose cloth dress and they kick her out she tells us that he was basically trying to guilt her into not killing herself its crazy that you would want to kill yourself after i didnt kill you in the womb sorry if this is all over the placei amjust trying to relay the severity of the situation and i really want some help about how to help her with this situation she cant stay at my girlfriends house because at the moment she has nothing but the dress she has on and her phone and her parents expect her home by 5 today about 30 minutes from now for dinner at their friends house any help is appreciated,1
the i want out feeling is getting unbearable i started a new full time job on monday 95 in an office 3 nights out of 5 ive ended up crying myself to sleep thinking about how miserable i am vs how happy i was only a couple of years ago 1 thing changed and just like that ive been depressed for 2 years and my introvertedshyness turned into full blown social anxiety ive distanced myself from all my friends so much so that they basically forgot i exist ive failed at being a good son to my parents by being a complete mess for the past 2 years i dont take care of my diet or even bother with the gym anymore i just dont carei dont see myself changing for the better any time soon and i cant take it anymore the only thing that has helped me so far is medical marijuana at night but even that is temporary and not a true solution my work is under a 10 month contract and once its up i seriously dont know whati am going to do i will be 26 and to be honest right now i dont see myself going past 30 the only thing that could hold me back is my parents not because i like them too much to take my life but because i know that they genuinely love me and that it would ruin theirs,1
depressed for the last couple of years i have been struggling with depression because of loneliness i just need someone i can talk to someone i dont know before i do something i shouldnt do,1
id rather die than faili am21 been struggling with depression since 13 had suicidal thoughts nearly every day since then and i amfinally realizing i dont have a reason not to do it sure it will cause a lot of pain to those who love me but i cant keep living i never feel good enough and i feel like a huge burden to those around me i can imagine my life is what hell is like every time i gain a pound spend a dollar have a fight with my gf or struggle with something professionally or academically it feels like its the end of the world and i feel either fat broke i feel like my gf hates me or i feel stupidi amdone and i cant wait until the pain ends one way or the other,1
a good friend of mine m broke up with one of my closest friends f hes talking about suicide and i dont know how to help their breakup came as a surprise to everyone apparently she broke up with him i dont think specifics matter that much here but then again ive never been in this situation before how can i help,1
19 in college no friends no plans for the future no reason to live i want to believe that things get better but i havent seen anything to prove that soi amprobably gonna end it soon i cant see any reason to not,1
if i made people who cared for me hate me why shouldnt i kill myself i had several really good friends that i was close with when i started to become depressed they were really supportive and caring to me and prayed for me but i had become a toxic moodkiller that unintentionally guilttripped and hurt those friends and they eventually left me one made a about how it was an accomplishment to get rid of me and another one told me at this point it just to me to commit suicide why should anyone who hurt and drove away caring and loving people keep on living what value is there in that kind of life ive went to college and made lots of cool friends but it doesnt change the fact that i hurt my past friends and made them leave me so it just makes sense to die,1
being all over the place wanting it to stop i have bipolar disorder and have been hypomanic for the last few days i dont have insurance so i cant afford medication or a doctors visit i cant seem to calm myself down my mind is racing i cant focus on anything i hate this feeling and being stuck with this disorder its not helping my suicidal ideation i feel completely out of control ,1
i literally have no one ive had really bad depression along with suicidal ideation since i was around 10 years oldi am19 now its just getting unbearable i have no one in my life i can come to for anything i literally work go home to my apartment and sleep until i have to work again its my own fault i have agenesis of the corpus callosum which basically makes me socially inept like i can talk to people at work if its necessary otherwise i dont talk unless someone speaks to me first i guessi amjust stubborn but its just extremely hard for me to open up i just dont see the point in conversing with people when i dont matter to them at the end of the day so i basically dug myself in a hole because i refuse to open up to anyone and left myself with nothing i just dont see myself in this world much longer i really feel likei amincapable of living ive been through so much fucked up shit all my life and i just really dont want to do this shit anymore i dont even know how to explain everything theres so much more too it than that but i just dont even know what to say everythings just so pointless though theres no reason for me to be here only reasoni am still here is because i havent found a reliable suicide method as soon as i do though i wont hesitate to kill myself ,1
what can i do about hopelessness i think my biggest problem is that i cant find a single thing to be hopeful about the experience i have of life is that i will never have anything i care about or work for i will fail and lose out on everything all i ever wanted was to be cared about no one cares i need help but no one listens life is impossible without hope but theres no reason for me to hope hope has been useless nothing i ever wished for wanted or hoped for ever came to pass ,1
its not about me i need advice i have a best friend shes actually my ex we split up less than two months ago shes a wonderful person but we drifted apart being how wonderful she is i decided she should be my friend but i have a problem she has always been depressed and has anxiety in all our time together i was her rock today tonight she was telling me that she cant take it anymore she wants to die she tells me that she cant survive without me to be there for her the things that held her in a better place were the warm touch and the feeling that i am there for her no matter what when she couldnt get out of bed or off the floor i was there to pick her up when she couldnt eat i made her soup to drink if she couldnt drink i got watermelon so she could get water when she eats i did these things because i saw her pain i loved her i still love her the problem is i couldnt keep being dragged down with her when she got bad i got bad i kept it to myself but i hurt i would get depressed no motivation no care to take care of myself but when she was there i would hide it so we drifted apart we split up i am still trying to be there for her but i cant be that what i was she is asking me to look after the dog that she got in the split i know this might sound like she is emotionally abusive to some but trust me its noti ama sympathetic emotional but i dont let anyone in she never forced me or abused me and now she is saying without me she will never get better she says shell never find anything i tell her she will and she still has me no matter what i just dont know what to do when she gets this way i get angry she doesnt see it or hear it but all i want to do is punch a wall in part because i cant help and in part because its taking me down again i need some advice how can i help her how can i make things better shes scared of therapists because of a bad session she hates pills because they make her sick i dont know what to do sorry its so long if you cant help its ok i needed to vent mostly any advice is much appreciated,1
upset at me my mom got upset at me when i said i hope i die in my sleep she said something like dont say something like thati used to be far more vocal about it but i still always want to die i just havent said it in a while and she got shocked,1
i have no food and i cant starve anymorei ambroke someone stole my bank info so my check is being held until mondayi am so sick of living like thisi amsick of hearing itll get better i dont have the time my sister in law ate all of my food and refuses to put gas in our car even though she shares it and we drive 5 miles while she drives 35i am going to take the trazodone ive saved and get in the tub tonight i will drown and itll be easy enough to clean upi am sorry to my husband i love you so much youre all ive hadi am sorry to my parents i cant do this anymore ,1
i have a plan but no day and the thoughts are only getting worse they are constant now but i still feel so empty i wish i could feel the darkness that is hovering over me i hope i can fall into the deep depression soon so i will have the motive to end iti am so tired of living,1
i need help to figure out what do i have on handf to end it some alcohol to numb but cant slit my wrists pills would be good,1
cant i dont want to do this alone,1
failed attempt i cant decide if my blade wasnt sharp enough or if a part of me really didnt want to do it either way i barely cut deep down enough to leave a scar or 5 scars i tried quite a few times ,1
i just wanna cry my life sucks i have no bright futurei ampoor and i amuglyi am so alone and sad and my family is in pieces i got so depressed today that i social media stalked my ex from 3 years ago when i was in highschool and found out shes now engaged i miss hershe was the only relationship i ever had isnt that sad i dont get sleep at night because my brain doesnt shut offi amruined mentally because of my family problems and i have no solution for it my stepmom is suicidal my sister ran away from home and my dad is about to go to prison for assault we have no money no savings and my stepmom is mentally ruinedi dont know why i wrote this out but i thought it would help i have a migraine help me,1
if i was genuinely suicidal i would rob a bank people that arent suicidal often think that but a person who is suicidal doesnt care about money,1
i feel so weak and pathetic full of regret and hatred i want to die for fucks sake why cant i just die,1
got asked questions about my suicidal tendancies by a new clinic and its made me uncomfortable going through some huge changes at the minute including moving out my parents house i signed up for a new mental health counsellor then got an urgant call back in response to the severity of my desire to kill myself ive been pretfy good recently and i think when i move out my life will start picking up again but just saying out loud my thoughts on killing myself and being reminded how uncommon intense those thoughts are i do find some days unbearable but i am doing my best to love myself and not be full of self hatred,1
how to save a life a person with suicidal thoughts is not normal and they know it for many a years they will fight to be normal try to do normal people things that make normal people normal though they dont know they are normal because being normal is everyday for them even when bad things happen to them the are simply cured by doing the normal things with other normal people but we dont even have the normal things to rely on no regular friends who would come over for tea and a chat a mad sesh on the town or even a phone call be it bffs work or a an activity and when they finally do travel so far down the lonely road with only their thoughts for company and jump shoot swallow and kick everyone wonders why they never came to them i mean they would always be their if they asked it says so in the facebook post always here are you _ __ __ __ __ _ i would like to see five of my friends post this message not sharing to show that you are always there if someone needs to talk i think i know who will xxyou can never be part of the normals when they finally learn how damaged and truly abnormal you are talking doesnt help it just creates a toxic dependency that no side wants inclusion in the normals is all we want being part of the group being wanted and thought of when anything is going down helps so much people would probably live if the people in their lives helped them to live instead of remind them of how abnornal they are i know this because i was pulled from a river after my fifth attempt the first public one so now the people closest to me know and still they leave me alone despite declarations of help and company being only a text or phone call away they never reply they never come and i am still barely here wishing to be normal but instead we are alone with our past our pain and reality stop talking and start doing invite the weird kid from class to the cinema the shy colleague to the work night out the mom who never leaves the house because kids just let them know you see them its all we want,1
question for those on here who try to help why do you comment on posts here why does it matter to you why is it so important to you that people who hate being alive who cant bare another minute of existence keep on keeping on why do you want us to force ourselves to live out a miserable existence until we inevitably die one day anyway why is it important to you that we continue to suffer rather than allow ourselves to be at peace,1
still here got so drunk i passed out so i didnt kill myself i woke up in a shitty hostel with a huge bump on my forehead i didnt even know how that happened i have lost 10 pounds in one week i canti amseeking help hey therei amglad youre still with us and i hope you will be here for a long time lets have a chat and talk about how youre feeling right nowi amup for anything,1
i feel so fucking weak goddammit i feel fucking cursed why the fuck cant i feel happy why am i so fucking stupid and immature why cant i just feel fucking ok and fucking stay that way for good why cant i just fucking be who i want to be without falling apart every timei amscared my moms not gonna be around too much longer and i just cant stop thinking about how much of a disappointment of a son i am to both my parents and to myself for that matter why cant be a normal functional fucking person why do i have to be mentally fucking i will because it seems like the only way to ever be rid of it is to be fucking dead my life has already been a complete waste,1
i just realized i will never ever like myself why keep on living life is painful its not worth it to live with something i despise,1
imi dont know do you know what drawing and quartering is i feel like that is what is happening to my mind but instead of it finally being torn apart its just left lingering in an everlasting state of almost there there is just so much pressure fears failures questions expectations changes trauma anxiety its almost likei amfeeling so much that its being registered as nothing at all i justi dont know i dont even know what has caused this this weight but i know that my mind has been in varying stages of being drawn and quartered for the past year or so its just so much too muchi am not built for thisi am too young to be able to handle this i cant do this,1
my brother tried to kill himself how can i help i need advice try and do things hes interested in with him like if he likes horror movies take him to it or if he likes video games play some games with him or something just do things he likes with him to take his mind off of it,1
came closer today than before i was parking my car in the garage and had a serious thought about closing the garage door and keeping the car running then when i got inside my house i caught myself looking for razors to slit my wrists i feel like the thoughtsi amhaving are becoming more severe and are almost manifesting,1
should i call the police my girlfriend and i had a fight earlier at night i fell asleep and didnt realize she was sending me messages begging me to answer her her last message said ifi amgone tonight i love youi amfreaking out becausei amafraid she did something i was knocking on the door to her house at 2 am and no one answered mei ampretty sure her mom brother and sister were home ive been bombarding her phone with calls and she doesnt answer not sure if she put it on silent ori amfearing the worst,1
ive just finished all my suicide letters ive been thinking about what to say and have been walking around with them half finished for a while nowi am going to wait a week and if things dont change theni amflying to california getting a hotel and hanging myselfi am not looking for anyone to try and change my mindi amjust putting it out in the universe i wish everyone the best i wish you all luck in all your choices i wish i was loved more i will post updates about my trip hopefully itll help science or someone else or whatever ,1
i could just use someone to talk to tbh everything in my life is sorta falling apart and i wish i was dead i havent seen any of my friends in three months i guess we arent really friends anymore seeing as i dropped off the face of the earthi amchronically i will soi amalways having to talk to doctors and about being sick i havent had a conversation that doesnt involve my i willness in months its always look at this new study or my symptoms are flaring or strangers asking why do you have a cane id really like to just have a conversation with someone about normal things theres a cute girl in my english class i think i have a crush on and i got a 90 on my first quiz in my college trig class just normal young people stuff ,1
i cant take it any more this is the lowest ive been i recently betrayed the trust of one of my close friends and its really bearing on me i met her online through some mutual friends about 2 years ago and started physically hanging out early last year over the course of our time together i did develop some romantic feelings towards her but never planned on acting on them one night about a few weeks back we had planned to hang out and do shrooms now i had never done anything like that before and was admittedly pretty uneasy about the whole thing especially because she had lsd instead but i did it anyway thinking it was going to be ok she told me i didnt have to do it if i didnt want to but i did it anyway because i thought things would be ok big mistakeso it started out ok and was even a little enjoyable however about a hour or so in i honestly couldnt tell you how long i got really scared i had lost all perception of time and reality and panicked a little some time along the way i decided to bury my face into her breasts maybe as a means of finding comfort i took things too far and attempted to take her breasts out of her shirt the sad thing is i did this at least 3 times one time even dry humping her i have to admit as well thati am still a virgin and am pretty pent up the next day after i woke up i apologize and she told me thats not who i really washowever things between us are a little weird shes understandingly upset with me and hasnt talked to me outside of a few messages here and there weve only talked about that night once and it wasnt a good time i even told her about how i did have some romantic feelings for her which in hindsight was a pretty bad idea we are still friends on facebook even after that last big discussion and since we live far apart i cant just go see her and talk about this face to facei amabout 2 weeks away from seeing a therapist but i dont know how much more i can takei would love to keep being friends with her as well i dont know if its possible but i legitimately enjoy her as a person and dont want to loose a friend if i can help iti am going to keep trying thoughi amgiving her some space for the time beingi amslowly losing it though as more time passesi am not normally like this and like to think i am respectful towards women i have been known to get touchy while drunk but never anything like thati thought about suicide before but now its almost every other thought i am so depressed and i feel like its getting worse i take some solace that i was on lsd while it happened but the fact of the matter is i fucked upi ama horrible person and dont deserve this life,1
amjust demotivated towards doing anything i hate lifei amfucking tired of life and living i feel like there is nothing that makes me happyi dont have friends well i do but i ama social outcast and i am too ugly to datei amjust tired of thingsi dont like spending time with friendsi am tired of being the lone wolf the kissless handholdless virginim tired of hearing the be yourself crap personality doesnt make for being ugly everi just wish i wasnt born in the first placeoh dont give me thei amsure youre not ugly do you even know mei amuglythe only thing i care about is having a partner who finds me worth of dating and wherei am worthy of having sex withill never experience that ever for my entire lifeeven if i find a hooker i will never be worthy of actually being loved i know shell just be in for the money and then want to be out of it asapive had dreams of going on a date holding hands with a girl who i love and who loves me back i was in bliss during those times and them woke up and realized how much of it was false and then cried and cried before jumping in the shower to go to work,1
the realization that youre gonna have to die pretty much how i feel right now this is my first time writing here i feel like i could have at many points before but now it feels like i have truly reached the end and there is nowhere else to goit has been a long fucking year 2017 in general has been but ive attempted suicide twice in the last 12 months last october was a very serious attempt and then in april was a half assed attempt where i took a bunch of pills and then threw them up shortly afterim 27 now and while i have been dealing with depression and extreme highslows all my life it has always been very fleeting id have a few days of crying and then itd go away well it wouldnt go away but itd be in the back of my mind and id move on and stuff i was also never considering suicide at those points no matter how hopeless i was it was something i thought about for sure but at the time i never gave it serious thoughtin february i had some things happen to me that triggered a full blown depression for 25 months til midapril i was crying almost every day stopped talking to many people and didnt do much of anything it was bad for most of it i was only considering suicide half the time and after my attempt in april i made a promise to myself that i wouldnt go through with another serious attempt until i tried everything possible to improve my lifewell here i ami amliterally failing at what is my last resort in life ive always had another path to take but i am seriously out of options now this was the end of the line the only thing going right for me is that i am living in my ideal city everything else i am failing at27 years old now and every attempt i have made to change things has failed miserably i try to make things better but it only results in making things worse these last few months my goals have to been to rebuild my life here in this city that i love but so much has gone wrong in the processi honestly dont know how much longer i will make it days or weeks my hole keeps getting deeper and deeper my intention was to reverse all this by winter but things have gone wrong so fast that i dont know how they got hereand i am slowly beginning to feel like i did in february all this makes me wondering why i should be alive if ive pulled out all the stops and come up short,1
i feel so depressed about time i feel like i waste too much time on stuff that i dont like doing i dont like my job i work 9 hours for a shit payment and i cant even save a single dollar from it not cause i spend too much i need to give 60 of my earning to my mum and other money thats left i need to pay the bills so i cant buy stuff and i cant have a good time or i cant save up for a car lets say i have this girl that ive been for a year now and when i spend time with her its all good but when shes not here it just feel so alone i have to work come home spend alone time because she is not from my town and i dont have a car so i can go to her place and i amjust wondering am i going to feel so alone all the time what is the purpose of all this i need a higher meaning i feel like i can be so much more in life like this isnt whati amsupposed to be and who am i supposed to be i feel like i can be great i dont like doing much things and my work is depressing as fuckk and i always come home tired i dont know what to do today i didnt go to job because i was just so bored i need something in my life i wanna be somebody i dont wanna waste my time on things that i dont like doing i wanna do the things that i love and that makes me happy i dont wanna be unhappy,1
best place does anyone in uk know best place to jump in front of a traini amtalking with less security etc thanks,1
pitfalls of speaking with a counsellor ive been clinically depressed and suicidal for the past 6 years and ive scheduled to speak with both a counselor at my university and a private psychiatrist this is the first time ive tried to seek help but i am not going to liei amterrified of speaking with someone about it i know the experience will be for the better especially if i can get some medication to help but i know that i cannot tell the psychiatrist and certainly not the universitys counselor about wanting to die or my previous attempt my mom told me that if i were to say this to either of them i would likely be taken out of school and put in a psychiatric hospital which id like to avoid if possible if i can figure out some way to get treatment i know that ive got a strong future ahead of me at least in terms of career prospects and intellect does anybody know of any potential pitfalls or topics to avoid when speaking with a counselor or a psychiatrist anything helps thanks,1
i want to be dead i dont want to die i just want to be deadi am too much of a pussy to commit suicide,1
weird one kind of want to kill myself but also dont i dont even know what is going through my head right now i want to be dead but i dont i dont want to cause that pain to my wife my family my friends i dont want to be thought of anymore by anyone i just want to not exist one day maybe,1
multimonth mental healthcare wait times are inhumane fuck you manitoba healthcarei dont want my suicide to harm others i want to get better but how am i supposed to pass the time while in an episode of major depression,1
amsad i cant remember anytime ive truly been happy the only thing keeping me going is the fact that my family would be destroyed if i killed myself and that my brother is gonna probably end his life ifi am not there for him,1
how did i ruin my life so fast how do i even begini amabout to just let my life go because ive already fucked it beyond seemingly repairi am27 gay white male living in texas i just totally fucked up my life i just found out i am hiv positive and another std i started sleeping around exactly one month ago mostly unprotected 14 people i should contact most of them were not high risk contacts but this particular strain of chlamydia is resistant during that month i did meth for the first time and have gotten addicted in less than two weeks i am shocked at everything about this drug it is the closest thing to satan on earth i cannot believe that just a month ago i was successful and had a decently good life after beating homelessness for 6 months and keeping my shit together then i am so angry at myself for not being in control now i wonder why all the recklessness and what triggered that i guess i have always wanted to kill myself i say it to myself nearly every day but i never had thought it would be because or this i am doing research and will have to pass along all my findings to someone else i have done nothing else with my life barely have done anything else other than good grades 392 mcl and pbk and i am so ashamed of my life now i cannot go on i have access to nitrogen lines and have tracked my o2 sats and you are out in 15 seconds i just dont want my lab partners to find my body ,1
why i dont care to be here 1 childhood trauma and strict parents enforced my anxiety2 growing up as an only child with strict parents hindered my social skills3 getting bullied in school killed my self esteem4 having no one to turn to when things got bad resulted in self loathing5 finally finding someone who loved me only for her to leave me for someone else with possible cheating months prior two years down the line shattered my heart and has left me in pieces 6 being in uni has killed my confidence even further because i dont know how to make friendsi amsuper stressed out and i procrastinate too much7 my mind allows me to belittle myself at every step and i dont know how to get out of the cycle8 i cant believe anyone wants me for me i cant believe that i have value and when i try i just feel likei amlying to myself,1
for the last timei amdone every time before ive been here i thought it was it then but this time i know i dont have anything left to live forim disabled and can barely workstudy i cant live with my parents theyre toxicim trans and my friends wont even acknowledge it theyre my best friends in the world and they still thinki amsinning i think god has abandoned me and i dont know why my one thing that kept me alive for impossibly long which was writing music about my struggles is coming to an end i can feel it no ones ever going to hear it no ones ever going to care i dont have money to record it and the only thing stopping me is that it will die with mei ama worthless failed human being theres nowhere i feel safe and loved and its only gotten worse as ive gotten older i used to believe a miracle could save me but not any moreif anyone wants to try to talk me down go for it but i dont think its gonna work what can you say that i havent already tried on myself,1
school is killing me i literally dont know what to do anymore i am only in high school and school makes me want to kill myself i am in all honors and ap courses and i dont know what to do my stress levels are through the roof and every time something comes up about school i want to cry my friends try to help but they cant all my teachers make me useless and dumb on top of that i am in the marching band which is an almost all the time commitment and i just feel like crying last year i felt like i was on top of the world and i turned in all my work on time but now i have a 375 point project due on monday its saturday i have two quizzes on the same day i am going to fail a different 100 point project i have six chapters of a history textbook to read by tuesday i have band practice after school every tuesday and thursday i have three pages of chem hw due tuesday oh and i forgot to mention that along with those six chapters of the history textbook i have to read i also have an essay due that day and i literally am debating on killing myself because i cant do this anymore its only about the fifth week of school and i have already had four break downs and like zero sleep help me,1
i feel hopelessness i am going to throw this out there i am 12 so i really hope whati amfeeling is just stupid teenage hormones but here we go the story is going to be jambled sorry almost everyday all i feel is anger frustration hopelessness anxiety and sadness i wake up everyday either anxious mad or depressed i never get much sleep for a night and the next day i sleep for a whole day sometimes i get a slightly normal sleep schedule but i dont feel much better mainly around when school happens my mood reaches the worst everydayi amtold to kill myself i feel likei amsmart for some seconds to only realize that i was completely wrong and bullied more and more about my appearancei am really ugly and fat i have show choir which further decreases my selfesteem because we have to look at ourselves and all i see is an ugly angry 12 year old who shouldnt exist and i get worse and worse because i get tired so quickly and i feel depressed i ask my parents if i can go to online school but they think it wont work and yell at me just for mentioning it remembering i had this depressive behavior since 2nd grade where i would draw myself as a dead body i was bullied since kindergarten if i ever get angry or upset my mom makes fun of me for it mocking me at how i complain i even have stupid childish behaviors like i still suck my finger i didnt potty train myself til i was 11 and i still carry around a blanket i hate everyday how i get compared to my sister everyday someone compares me with my sister i feel worse about school also as i have murder impulses i never hurt anyone but i many times wanted to i remember last week in science a girl was picking on me and i almost went up to her and wanted to strangle her and kill her slowly i became so guilty because of that i became scared that one day i will hurt someone every time i try to rant somewhere it gets labeled as just some overreactive 12 year old so i always bottle everything up if i yell at my parentsi aminstantly grounded i can have times wherei amextremely motivated then i quickly stop being motivated i have a such a bad habit i think i might have a superiority complex ifi amtalking to someone i have to find something that makes me feel better and more valued but nothing ever makes me feel better i tried to kill myself multiple times with a knife but my own cowardliness made me not do it closest ive been was ween i was 9 and almost slit my throat i also see things and hear this horrible ringing or pounding in my ears many times i see things in the corner in my eye in my bed i thinki ambeing stalked sometimes even tho i highly am not and i see random things slightly like right now on the white background i see a face of a demon opening its mouth i cant go to my bedroom without an external noise and all the lights on i had so many horrible nightmares and fears and all these bad things i cant go up there i feel things crawling on me 247 and i always feel itchy somewhere i hate being touched i wasnt sexually touched or anything its just i get so scared of being touched as lots of times in school people hit me i get very bad nightmares to the point where i dont want to sleep because of it i get violent shivers some times i cant cross roads at all when i was younger i was almost hit by a car and i get intense anxiety crossing them tldr i feel extremely sad and depressed and some other random things please help me get rid of this pain,1
update i just finished all my suicide letters i told my husband id be home tonight despite spending a couple nights out for space nothing was done wrong except a bad fight ive been trying to call him to come home to maybe save me and hes not answering i cant find himi amsitting here with a noose and i just want him to save me ,1
offing myself tonight so i ask you a question is life worth living for me or should i end it all ,1
i do not know if i want to live anymore i am not a very depressed person but the pleasures of life doesnt seem worth the pain anymore i have a speech impediment stuttering and it makes me overthink every single scenario that i encounter even as simple as buying something from a nearby store i have so much in my head but what what comes out of my mouth is next to nothing i am sorry for making an excuse i am sorry for being a failure i am so sorry for existing ,1
i feel ready to die i dont feel like i have anything to live for mental and physical i willness has left me unable to succeed academically i lack the confidence or strength to come out and transition my closest friends abandoned me because i wasnt fun any more on account of being so depressed and nowi amjust stuck with noone caring about me and no hope of accomplishing anything or finding lovei amjust a burden on my parents stuck supporting their loser offspring who should be independent by now i just dont see anything left to stay alive for i just want people to tell me its ok for me to go to tell me thati am not a piece of shit for wanting to take the easy way out,1
when you try your best but youre still a useless piece of garbage that nobody will ever care about _ _ hey man i care about you i know that might not seem like much coming from an internet stranger but theres a living breathing dude over here typing this out to you i care about youand i know how hard it can geti amstruggling to find worki am going to be a dad in a few months and i cant even take care of my family but i keep pushing myself forward the hard days seem to be more frequent than the good ones lately but we keep going forward we have to if we stop here we never get to the good times that make it all worth it ,1
hit me like a wave i dont know why but i feel like absolute crap i was fine yesterday why not now maybe its because they ditched me lied like alwaysi keep dragging around whats bringing me down if i just let go id be set free,1
dont know how much longer i can take being me everybody always tells you youre the source of all your problems well its definitely true for mei amgay i have herpes i have no boyfriendi amfat i had my identity stolen i have a warrant out for my arrest i hate working i dont have anybody i can connect with i think about suicide everydayi amemotionali am tired i always want to sleep i wasted my teen years trying to be a good mormon i just hate being alive caring about people not caring about people always fuck something up get bored easily i just dont know what i can get out of life anymore same shit everyday always feel like a piece of shit wanting to end it everyday multiple times a day but being to worthless to go through with it like fuck funerals and end of life shit cost thousands of dollars and all my death would do would cause my parents more fucking problems from me ,1
i lost the last reason that kept me in this world tonight i will die the last reason to fight disappeared and now i am not going to keep fighting i am not going to get help take advise i dont know why i post it here but i am going to kill myself,1
should i live anymore i have no life my mom hates my guts she hits me almost all the time and i just cant stop thinking of suicide everytime i get sad plz help ,1
doing it sooni am so done with everything i am a worthless single man in his 20s who is still a virgin i barely have friends and even my friends dont know my true self my parents constantly remind me of how bad i am by pressuring me into giving up my hobbies so i can get better grades in college dont have a better world in english for this school in my country and i am so done the bullying in my past still haunts me and i have zero self worth so goodbye bullies hope youre happy once you learn that i killed myself ,1
would a 4 story drop be enough to kill someone depends how ya land i guess if you do it wrong you will wish you hadnt,1
good bye i m done my wife just left i had packed up all my clothes back into my car the kids are still asleep i just took about a dozen or so pain pills and just shredded my arm upi m going to pass out in my chair soon hopefully when they find me i ll be gonegood bye,1
tonights the big night got three tubes of bromazepam lexomil lots of red wine and absolutely no fucking will to live lefti have no family except an abusive mom my boyfriend is lovely but he just postponed my visit at his i only have one friend and i cant help but feel awfully jealous of her life stopped therapy a while back my meds dont really help and just make me want to kill myself more thought of this so many times tonights the night,1
ive started to plan i never thought id get up to this point,1
my 19th birthday today is my 19 birthday i survived 19 years of my life battling suicide attempts and self harming thank you for helping me to achieve this,1
can barely get out of bed in 8 months why would i continue my life if all i have to do in the future is work for survival and barely have the energy to do that why why not just kill myself right now ,1
what would the zombie apocalypse be like i mean if you were bitten and had to kill yourself and the bullet didnt go through would you really feel anything after you turned,1
why do i ruin everything cause you think you ruin everything,1
i was googling ways to kill myself and i find an article that tells me to have sex to prevent me from killing myself if you re really looking for ways to kill yourself please stop reading and see a shrink or get high or have awesome and meaningless sexjust fucking lol no normie understands what its like to be incel,1
2 years if after theni am still living like this i will allow myself the freedom to end it likely nothing will change and i will end up offing myself in 2 years but i will give the universe a chanceout of some vestige of faithno but because i acknowledge i am not seeing clearly i havent been for over 2 years now but it would be unacceptable for this to become my new normali amgiving myself 2 years,1
it hurts more then anything ive been through and ive been through some shit i broke up with the only person ive remembered loving in 17 years and it hurt boys she doesnt want me anymore and it feels like everything is coming to an end i need some help please,1
 i have no one to turn to almost everyone would make fun of me calling me names treating me like trash what really hurts the most is they were my friends they made me feel horrible they changed the way i view people 5 years have already passed it started off like that for me but as time goes on it got worse now theres no anger left and just disappointed in myself for ruining myself for them just an empty shell cant even function like a human being antisocial no life locked on my room reading books and my parents calling me crazy for not going out and acting all emo they look at me likei ammad ,1
going off to college was supposed to help me be a fresh start but here i am again crying in bed wishing i could work up the courage to down a bottle of pills could you be overwhelmed is a break a possibility or dropping certain classes,1
the dumbest question in the world why does everyone everywhere everyday ask the same dumb question that they dont ever want the real answer toohow are you,1
i cant deal with this anymore not going into any detaili am tired of just being put off as being disrespectfuli amjust angry no one will notice and when i do say something everyone ignores it they used to think i was just joking about it i asked old friends and they thought it too even when i try to make it as serious as can be they still ignore it all,1
amdone bye this stupid cycle just keeps going and going and i cant do it anymore its draining my life away and ive aged at least ten years every time this happens i meet someone and theyre now my soulmate and i must devote everything to them and expect so much in return and then get nothing and i waste so much time on this i thought i was better than this i have been through the hospitals and the therapy and everything and i just cant break this i want it to end soi amending it whoever reads this thanks i guess if its my friendsfamily then i guessi am sorry i just cant keep doing this its all i will ever be and i cant let it be this way i just need it to stopi am sorry goodbye,1
morning this morning was tough i thought about all my farewells but no desire to truly reach out waking up on the weekends are the toughest work keeps me pretending to be normal mf my children the man i love they used to be a reason to stay but the hurt in my heart is deepi chose life again today even if i feel likei amdying,1
i wish i had jumped 133 days ago when i had the strength yes ive been keeping count it was may 7th 2017 that i decided that i was nothing more than a hazard to society and that i was gonna end my life by jumping off the bridge near my house but my friends called the police 7 days later i was out of the psych ward the bridge is always still there but on that day i couldnt fear death less now not so much typical cowardic if anything i should go jump to save what little honor i have left ,1
college dud waste of life i thought i did phenomenally on an exam last week the material was simple i had it all laid out it was only like ten multiple choice with about 15 fill in the blank questions i got close to an f even though on exam day i walked out in full utter confidence that i got nothing less than a bnow i got a d on my lab report i did everything necessary except forgot to do one easy calculation i lost 6 points and that one calculation could not have been worth that much it was basic addition and dividing an average this was not the purpose of the lab either my professors havent responded to my emails i want to give up i want to get my degree and leave my future behind another wasted semesteri am feeling very suicidal and hurt i take responsibility for my faults but i am in shock that i had this manyi have an exam tomorrow another on friday for a class i dont understandi amsure if i drop it all then i will let my work fam coworkers and my so down,1
injury took my friends wife nothing to live for my wife is 9 years my highschool sweetheart and love of my life is leaving me because ive become sad and miserable from an injury that gives me pain causing me discomfort and inabiliuty to work etc shes watching life pass me by and she doesnt want it to pass her by i cant really blame her i want to kill myself though my life sucks and one by one my friends and loved ones drop away and beacayuse i dont make bank or have big muscles and a nice car it seems like everybody looks me overi did steroids a few months back and everyone treated me totally differently when my body was big but now i get the same disappointed sad looksim going to try steroids once again and if that doesnt make my life happy i will just kill myselfhelli amthinking of just doing it right now i called the suicide hotline twice as my friend and they told my friend to go to the er immediately i didnt go i just talked to my girl she said even if i was super successful and had it all we wouldnt get back together it crushed me i was doing life for me but secretly holding out hope she would come back once i got successful now it hit me shell probaly be taken by the next white dude with a bachelors and i will lose her forever i only lost her bcause of this fucking injurythe injury i got because of her basically cause she took my white ass to her asian rave party and i got handed free ecstasy and popped that shit rolled my head around too hard and thats when the pain started now shes leaving cause she just says she isnt responsible for my happiness only her own and its not her problemall my friends are gone my mom died and my dad is so old hes just a grumpy old man i cant even talk to him now dabs are the only thing keeping my sane not to mention a million other problems i have on the edge here i want to hold on but life just wants me to kill myself and stop bothering everyone already,1
any survivors with advice my question is for people who have suffered from chronic suicidal ideation how did you find the will to live again how did you permanently change those negative thought patterns or at least stop believing themlike many of the people who post here i am currently in a fragile state however i feel that i am at the brink of making a change part of me is scared to commit to life again in fear of failing and in fear of the pain that will comeregardless i am tired of suffering this is not a healthy way to live and i know that i will hurt people more by committing suicide still i get caught up in the meaninglessness of it alli am feeling a bit sick and worried something in me wants desperately to be consumed by fear again and to live and die in this state the other small quiet voice within me wants to break out of it into the unknown that is full of potentialhow can i trust that voice when it feels so wrong when i feel so afraid when i feel so alonehow do i find the part of me that to move forwardim afraidits embarrassing to admit but i am really afraidi am not necessarily looking for advice because ive heard all the general basicsi am looking for courageeverything in my body is telling me not to venture out to stay where everything is comfortable but sad miseryi am tired of living in addictionit surrounds meeven if i cant escape it in the people around me i no longer want it to consume me i dont want it to permeate my skin and swim through my veins at any chance it getsim terrified of getting better because i have no idea what that looks like for me and i am afraid of truly feeling again i dont know how to protect myself from the world maybe i do but i dont quite trust myself yeteven as i type this i feel reality slipping away from me my mind is dissociating and i dont understand why it does this even at times like now when i should feel safe and i want to feel confident and freeit makes me feel like maybe i shouldnt be,1
tonights the night ive got twice the minimum lethal dosage of pills a nice razor blade and i amplanning to take a nice trip to an overpass in the middle of the night love you,1
i feel unwanted nobody wants me around no matter how good i am theres always something wrong with me and when i get hurt its still my fault i get ignored or bitched at for no reason i wish i were dead,1
ama terrible piece of shit i dont know if i can fix this hey so i feel terrible me and my friend had an huge argument yesterday on discord and he was already enough pain and couldnt take it anymore i made things worse and ive known him for 3 years we got really close last year related on so many things and i pushed him away i didnt get over an incident that happened 45 months ago and i was petty between my exfriend who hes friends with its fine that he defends him cause things definitely way got out of hand he doesnt deserve all this pain i feel so terrible i really dont know how to write a sincere apology i related to him so well that i even harsh a bit i really want to apologize but i dont know how to word iti found out hes in this discord group chat but scared that he will get mad at me please help i really am on the verge of ruining an amazing friendship he means a lot to me he doesnt mind me venting but i made things out of hand and caused this to be like this it is my fault that i did this i just dont know how to properly fix this all i do is cause more damage and hurt others i just really wish there is a good way of fixing this like what should i say i dont mind admitting my mistakes but i feel anxious talking to a person whos also anxious often with social anxiety,1
my best friend is extremely apathetic asserting she doesnt care guess that gives me an out my best friend has been treating me like shit for the past month and has been getting worse no matter what i say shes actually told me literallyi amsuper busy with school so i dont have the time or energy to deal with your problems and feelings i fucking wish i could make that up i had one good day my birthday and the day after i got in huge trouble with her and she got extremely upset with me and some of the things she told me included 1 you better watch your tone next time she doesnt know who shes dealing withtalking to but you do 2 since i seem to be inconviencing you with my impatience just do it this way since you said that 3 i was supposed to visit for my birthday but i was unable to because circumstances changed and she didnt care if you come up here then great we can see the movie if not then okay you can just mail the stuff to my po box ever since she left for school shes been more hostile and its been breaking me day by day she can upsate me for 30 minutes straight before her next class and i dont even have to say anythingshe has her own mental health problems and in the past has grown up to detach herself from emotion but in the past she at least showed she cared a little she gave up on me a while ago stopped trying to help when i called her before my attempts when i just needed someone to talk to for a moment she told me she didnt have a reason to because i was going to try anyway i tried and i got close once but i am still here so just a month ago everything was perfect we were okay and nothing was like this nowi am nothing to her she hasnt talked to me in about 2 days but she uses all of my stuff because she has my passwords she ignored my last message purposefully and has posted on literally everything and has even seen my posts on social medias and yet still decided not to even deal with me she talks to her friends that have known her for 3 weeks over the friend that has been with her for 10 yearsi am tired of living and watching myself go through this pain again is just a reminder that she wont actually care when i finally succeed she wont cry it wont matter she has her boyfriend and her new friends and i dont have anyone i have my fucked up mental health and disorders and a emptiness in my chest that wont go away my own voice in my head reminding me that i deserve to die because even this situation is childish she knows all of my disorders and health problems and she literally doesnt care holds stuff over my head theres no hope i genuinely just want to die give up not like ive got a reason to even do moreshe can keep everything my accounts keep using all of my stuff i dont even want it anymore i dont want anything i just want to fucking die ,1
how to get out of this always recurring black thoughts hi everyone i am really kind of desperate so i am writing here something asi am not native english speaker sry about all grammar mistakes and hopefully you will still understand what i mean i was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder has to do with some family issues i cant remember a time without depressive phases when is was 17 years old it was the first time i really wanted to die i mean i thought about suicide the years before but that time i really wanted to i can remember that some weeks before i started to feel nothing not even when i cut myself and these had been the worst cuttings ever since i started with it whe n i was 12 at one point i felt so tired tired of all the pain tired of all the selfhatred tired of feeling anything so i prepared to shoot myself but somehow as i had the gun already put in my mouth there was something screaming in me like dont do it i think that was the so called self preservation so i searched a therapiest got some medicaments and life went on more or less it was okay i could handle the recurring depression but 2 years ago with almost 24 it started again the depression phase just didnt end after a half year i took a break for 2 months in a daytime psychiatric i came back to work and three weeks later i tried to commit suicide again and woke up in the hospital three days later i was back to work in the beginning of 2017 there happened some things at workat privat life i just couldnt regain back some power friends cant take my dark thought and depression anymore instead of losing them i pretend since a half a year that everything is fine one guy my co worker grew then very close to me we had an affair he told me he will be there i told him everything i didnt do that for a long timemaybe never i felt so secure with him but it was complicated as well because he was already in a long term relationship yeah maybe everything that happened by now is bad karma because i deserve so few weeks ago his girlfriend started to feel suspicious he stopped the affair that was really hard but he still told me he has feelings and that he wanted to me be parti amhis life as a true friend this was enough it was okay today he wrote me that not even a friendship is possible anymore he doesnt feel anything for me as co workers we have to go on and he wants to have a good time at work with me but there cant be a true friendship it devasted me i stayed home i know i may deserve it i did mistakes but i feel so alone devasted empty and a huge selfhatred he was the only one who really knew about me and who i thought could handle me but he cant either no one can i feel like a big failure no one can stay with me i have no power to fight everything anymorei turn soon 26 and i fought my whole life but what if this is going on and on what ifi ama failure i really am miserabledoes someone suffer this long too and can tell me that at one point everything went well what should i do i am alone again i cant fight this all over alone again,1
not a functional human being have you ever experience being extremely depressed to the point that you cant function like a normal human being likei amsupposed to go to school but id rather lie down in bedive got a test coming up i need to review but i am still lying here in bed youre internally panicking guilty and feel really bad for not doing the things you need to do but you lie down anyway sometimes you forgot to eat and lose track of timedays,1
i dont know what to title i dont really have anyone to go to here so i figured fuck it all i will put this out there and then maybe someone random can help i dont really care at this pointi am 18 just about to start college and something is not right with mei literally have the worst anxiety about the future i know i will fail just based on the past everything i have done i have either gotten lucky or just halfassed it just enough to scrape by and it is 100 not an exaggeration when i say this i fucking hate myself for doing it but i know that no matter the circumstance its inevitable that i do the exact same shit that i always say i shouldnt i just dont care ever and it hurts me and sometimes the people that i lovei have no sense of direction anymore everything just seems worthless to me theres no future and even if there was i know mine would have me end up in a fucking ditch so here i am whining to empty air about how i am too lazy to do shit how i dont know what to do and how i am scared and i expect sympathy from random people this fact alone makes me feel like even more of a low life please take pity on me and drag out my inevitability to amount to nothing the irony is that i doubt anyone i know has even the slightest clue about what i am feeling and i really dont want to change the image that they have of me i am ready to just go offtonight makes the 3rd day of a string of suicidal considerations i so fucking scared either way it goes to show how useless i really am if i cant even make the decision to make the most selfish action a reality even then so to simply consider it its a cycle and i keep going downi know i am being a pussy but i guess all i can ask is for you to persuade me nobody else i know can because nobody else can know,1
not againso sorry this is a long post i battle off and on with depression 3 attempts and one revival in 2012 been okay since then but not really i had a daughter in 2014 and a son in 2015 they are my life my husbandughhe has a way of making me feel less than worthless for the past year its been shit he is mean heartless careless i am a stay at home mom i have crohns disease and i amon social security i want to go back to work even just part time but he doesnt want me to i literally have one friend gay dude named scott hes my rock i dont cant call it what ya will have a facebook or any other social media stuff other than reddit i cant talk to my husband about anything when he gets mad he is fucking satan examplemy 3 year old daughter is smart my husband and i got into a huge fight he kicked me out as usual wouldnt let me come home and i slept in my sisters car this was all friday night by the way he was wasted saturday morning comes he texts me you can come home the door is unlocked now i walk in and my son is still asleep but my 3 year old comes skipping on up to mei amobviously happy to see her i reach down to pick her up and she smiles this big beautiful smile then says youre not my best friend i died inside immediately throughout the day her phrases just got better i cried all night saturday and most of today she said daddy doesnt love you and this isnt your house i have not felt this empty in years and i was hoping i would never have to feel this bad again he has barely said 2 words to me acts like nothing ever happened so sorry for the long rant but getting it out helps alot i havent had to see my therapist in awhile but that dude is gettin a call first thing in the morning ,1
work force intense workloads considering taking drugs until my body shuts down completely already no call no showed for my job instead of killing myself instantly i sort of want my body to shut down after working too hard people around me are super nosy they arent considerate i get no inheritance its taken weeks just to talk to a psychiatrist about a medication i took for 5 years ago someone who isnt even my family or blood is treated better children that arent even related to my grandparents will get it all my father and uncle are 2 felons who dont care if i get anything they spend it all on junk i have no future inheritance i have nothing in my roomi ama 23 yr old white male everyone says man up and grow a pair anytime i start to complain it makes me super angry only reason i keep going is for my sister and mother who always loved me and my current gf who also was going to end it before i met her she said i stopped her i have nightmaresi amsick of cheap talk and continuing on if i just speed enough i can probably die working i want to be a example to society on why the energy crisis is so fked up we have no future way out of our debt we are increasing it another trillion this year so yeah 23 year old white male from ohio i hate this place the job i just left smelled like a std in the kitchen like literal sperm smell all over the floors the bathrooms were absolutely filthy at all times i feel even if i get out of this abusive trap house id be stuck with a dead end apartment lease for years and my job would fuck me over anyways if i get sick or weak i just wont cut it its as simple as that mcdonalds already gave me 2 jobs at different locations but i want a real career everyday is a evil one and i amready to end it producing money for my mother and sister they worry about me everyday but the person they knew is gonei amno longer innocent and young and this world only caters to soulless bastards who dont care about peoplei am not one of themi amto considerate and i ama yes man hard work doesnt pay off for me it detriments my health even without drugs i can work untili amdead i was almost coughing up blood when i got home what should i do my psychiatrist appointment is the 21st and everyday seems to drag on and i aminvaded with people in and out of this god forsaken house for no reason other than to wake me up i cant even sleep anymore without disturbances how am i ungrateful when i have no future wealth ahead of me how am i ungrateful when hard work never pays off ,1
my online friend is trying to od can anyone locate tumblr user arthursbasement she lives in california and she posted about committing suicide and i am messaging her but she stopped replying and she said she already took the pills,1
i cant cope with my life anymore i just want to die anxiety and depression have taken over every aspect of my daily life i cant control it anymore everyday suicide starts to make more sensei amsick of crying myself to sleep every nighti amsick of thinking my friends constantly hate me when i know they donti amsick of not eatingi amsick of being tired all the timei amsick of having parents who refuse to talk to me about these things i cant enjoy anything anymore i cant remember the last time i was truly happy i dont want to live like this anymore i just cant do this anymore i feel so fucking lonelyi just want to die,1
ive run out of reasons to care about anything anymore i can never numb the pain with drugs and alcohol for the rest of my life but thats just prolonging the inevitable while making me suffer this absurd existence even longer i feel like everything ive ever done has been leading up to this the time when i finally get the courage to end this shitty life and move on to whatevers after which is probably nothing but maybe it not being nothing is an even scarier thought i am broken beyond repair there is no hope for someone like me i dont want to hurt anyone by doing this but honestly oncei amdead it wont make any difference to me maybe that makes me selfish or something but i dont give a fuck i love my parents and my best friends but being tortured by my own mind until i die of old age just isnt going to happen i dont know whyi amwriting this but here it is anyways i guess goodbye maybe,1
suicide i had a virtual friend who comitted suicide and i dont know how to deal with that even thought i never met her in person or saw her face but i feel so hurted it was like i met her years ago,1
i need a therapist pretty much the title my mind is not right and hasnt been for the past five years,1
i feel likei amstanding on an edge recently ive drastically cut down my marijuana usage from every day to once or twice a week for the 5 or 6 daysi am sober its spent stressing to keep up a professional persona at work every goal i try to look forward to sounds uninviting and the days i do smoke make me happy but then i overthink criticize myself and become deeply introspective and sad there is so much of me that needs to be fixed and its apparent i found someone who at least cares and shows me beauty in life but i worry so often that my depression will ruin us we have a connection that i know is rare i cant ruin us i wonder if the increasingly stressful days will lead to growth or death ,1
homework or lifei ama psychopath i would rather die than do my homeworkor any work at all i feel like more than half of my lifei am doing what i hate do tothe other 10 of my life is doing what i like to doi really hate highschooli hate how life is just pure pain you want to be happy nope you will have to go trough depressionto fake your happiness so that everyone doesent judge you or exclude youand to hide your suicidal thoughts from your parentsbecause you love them and dont want them to feel badim not impressed about dyingim also an atheist and the idea of nothing at all for forever sounds great to me i really dont think that suicide is a big dealis just that people consider death a bad thing because we only know lifebut at this point anything would be better than livingi am not suicidal because i hate myself or because someone bullied mei amsuicidal because i realized that life always strikes you downand sometimes you just want to stay on the ground without having to get up again and if our science is right we are just microscopic specs living in a giant floating rock in spacesurrounded by nothingness and a big giant star thats going to eat our stupid planet in a few million years i believe so that doesnt help everything you think is important isntbecause in the end nothing matterswhen humanity dieseverything we did good thingsbad thingsglobal warming and so on will disappearand nothing will be worth iti would have already committed suicide if it wasnt for two things my parentsi love them and i just cant imagine how much it would hurt them paini am really obsessed with painand i just really want to go to sleep and never wake upto remove all my problemsmy homeworkmy sadness and my daily existencial crisisim sorry i just wanted to get that out of my sistemany advice on what to do now,1
life how it feels life look shes a happy girl lets fuck her and makes her depressed,1
amabout to force myself to end my life first of alli amsick and tired of people saying oh others have it worse blah blah because at this point i dont give a fuck about others its driving me insane that i cant ask for help because thats all i heari am going crazy dealing with all my stressi amalways on the edge of killing someone or just breaking down i have a boyfriend i dont bring up how i feel because wheni amwith him i forget everything i dont want him to think youre crazy or what a weirdo and act like he loves me all i want is to die i cant stand it i dont care anymore i cant take it anymore why am i so hated by everyone why do so little people like me why can i not feel normal i dont want to hurt him but its killing me i cant take it and alex if you ever find this theni am so damn sorry i really am i love you but i cant take iti am going insanei am so sorry,1
how exactly can a suicide hotline help you ive been on the verge of suicide and have been thinking about calling one a number of times do they just say bullshit like you have so much to life for and follow a script i honestly cant see them talking anyone out of suicide,1
my mental health is making me suicidal i suffer from sexual intrusive thoughts ocd anxiety and depressioni amdesperate to die and when the intrusive thoughts arent therei amthinking about all the different ways i can kill myself i havent eaten or drank properly in days and i now plan to die from either starvation or dehydration but the only problem is i dont want to leave my boyfriend heartbroken he means everything to me and we used to talk about getting married and having a family i want to live for him but its too painful and i dont know what to do,1
my once promising life is now a painful living hell mistake that became suicide fuel for them i dont know how to end my pain it is a bitch but its even worse when it you cant stop looking back knowing it shouldnt have happened knowing it was so preventable and senseless and just pure bad luck something about this sensation i just cannot take it feels so horrible i can handle other types of injuries and pain but this is apparently my achilles heel i would trade this in for almost anything elsei am not strong enough to deal with this,1
today made me realise that life is nothing special i am 22 years old and like millions of people around the world who are ready to take their lives i am ready to go i wish you all a very fond farewell and i hope that somehow life gets better i dont know how that will happen but when it does i want you to embrace it whether that be your very first kiss your first child or even your new found happiness embrace it please make this world a better place i know i cant do thati amweak and inferior but i know you cani am sorry to everyone who will be affected by my death i loved you and i hope you to see you again very soon i love you all ,1
amout first of all sry for my shitty english its my third languagei have lost all hope i have not felt happy in a very long time and i feel like its time to leave earth now my life will never get better so might aswell end it while atleast some people still remember me i have saved up some money so i have thinking about going somewhere magical to die alone with no return ticket i feel very psychological unstable at the moment so going on a trip alone somewhere warm and pieceful alone and enjoying the best of earth before going is a good plan to me i might only be 21 but my life will never get better now i am sure and i dont want to become a lonely loser i have experienced alot and have had some good times with old friends who i dont see anymore and family i will be thinking about these good times before leaving i think my last thoughts will go out to the stars and whatever is out there space has always fascinated me so much good luck everybody on this ruthless miserable planeti amout,1
is it wrong i may or may not be bipolar weird have some super moments then think about suicide all day other than the happy time but that is irrelevant i have a general dissatisfaction with life with no problems financially or anything altgough it could be argued i am a little bit lethargic i have been passively suicide for around a year and decided perhaps its time to not be such a sissy i am a freshman in hs and have a desire for people to also kill themselves in an effort to prevent them from having kids thus my conclusion was to do something like sepuku during lunch were hundreds would see and increase copycats is that wrong of me,1
i want to die even though i know i wont i want to die i just wanted to say it or tell someone i cant fix my problems or depression i will still be here though because my brain is too scared to do it thats all,1
constant thoughts of suicide but i dont really want to die does anybody body else think about suicide all the time but not not really want to die like i feel like nothing will get better and is be better off dead alot but ive always been the what if type and dont want to miss anything mostly its just like thinking i could do it i could easily do it i wont do it but i could i know someone asked something similar a few months ago but its bothering me right now and i dont know where else to post sorry,1
amsuicidal and no one believes me is this any different from the last time you said you were so what youre gonna go kill yourself now you always threaten to kill yourself when things dont go your wayill show them all ,1
bye world dying in peace,1
love is the best of things and the worst of thingsi am26 soon to be 27 on the 2nd of october and about two months ago my fiancee broke up with me ive been here before and told people my troubles you can go through my post history to get the full details but it just seems to be getting worse i feel really numb and lost without her she was everything to me apparently shes got ptsd after what i did i have depression and i beat her several times i never meant to hurt her i just lost control and made some stupid mistakes i regret what ive done everyday but it feels like she never cared about me because she put a post on facebook telling everyone what ive done when we broke up and her friend is now harassing me its really pushing me over the edge ive tried to kill myself three times but i amthat pathetic ive failed at it i want her back so much i love her dearly i dont want to hurt her or my family but i am tired of being in pain i dont want to kill myself and put her in the same position she put me in one where she wakes up everyday regretting the choices shes made i dont want her to feel guilty or to regret dumping me but i dont wanna be in pain anymore i have my first counselling session on the 27th but ive stopped taking my antidepressants and i amdrinking nearly every night i quit my job spend all day in bed researching ways to kill myself i made a deal with myself that if she doesnt wish me a happy birthday i will just end it on the night if she cant do that one thing then i know she doesnt care and i might as well be dead i love her to pieces and i wish it didnt have to be this way ,1
giving up my 23rd birthday is the 21st of this month and i amthinking it will be my lasti am15 months clean and sober and ive never been more miserable the company i worked for went under and nowi amabout to lose everything ive worked for in the past 15 months i wont go back to drugs but one fatal dose seems to look rather appealing,1
dont have the resolve but wish i did note this is a throwaway accountive been thinking of suicide for years now i think about it from day to day that feeling of uselessness and the waste of space and time and energy that i am the same beratings dayin and dayout the same loneliness and isolation no one cares about me no one loves me whetheri amalive or dead it wont make a difference to anyonei amsick of iti amsick of it alli amsick of having to deal with this pain this emotional distress but i can never put my thoughts to actions i never have the resolve to die only the wish make the pain end make the pain end,1
what is the moast painless way to kill yourself i have a roap pills a plastic bag and a gun i was thinking that i could use all at the same time somehow but i amkinda scaird,1
why am i posting here i just feel like i cant do anything i look forward and i see nothing i cant see a future for myself most of my time i spend thinking is thinking about going back in time to day one and changing eveything chaning things so that maybe somehow life will be better everyday i go to bed and pray that i will wake up and it will be the day of my birth and that i will be able to change everything that i will be able to better myself start fresh meet people sooner end the pain the only other way i can end the pain is to just fucking kill myself and the only thing keeping me from doing that is my mom i know that it would destroy her she gave up everything for me she still does everything for me i do love her but i just feel like i cant put up with this pain anymore the constant thought in the back of my head is to just end it all its the only wayi have set a date its the day after my bestfriend is getting married i want to see him on the happiest day of his life i want to see him and be there for him i dont want to leave before then but if my life hasnt gotten better or somehow it gets worse by that time then the next day is where it has to end i once said that i would wait untill i was 30 but i cant fathom living through this much pain for that long everyday is a struggle i wake up and want to do nothing and i honestly have done this to myself i think about things i cant control i do things that are bad for me i drink constantly and worry about stuggles that again i cant control i get attached to people and when they leave or i cant see them i shut down they consume my thoughts there are days where i wake up and feel like i can take on the world i get excited about living and doing things i enjoy about seeing people i love to be around and then bam without any warning i want to fucking kill myself no feeling i have ever felt is worse than when i feel good and feel like everything will be okay and then it is ripped away from sending me back to the endless abyss that i know so well i just want this to be over,1
my final statement hi i just wanted to look for some support right now i am working a 70 hours a week 6 days a week job flight instructing i am really tired not just physically but emotionally and mentally i give 110 everyday and give my students and customers the best service and education i can provide them i am finishing college and need to have a vacation or i am going to lose my fucking mind how do i arrange for time off i need a few weeks to collect myself i have not taken a vacation in 5 years i need to stopi just received news from my university today my loan payment would be increased and i am now scrambling to fix this issue i honestly think that this really is going to turn into a treadmill of nonstop issues and financial problems that i am going to have to continuously fix honestly its time for me to kill myself there is no more hope,1
i feel so so tired my poetry is selfimportance that rhymes my music is trivial and infantile my stories are unreadable my paintings are disgusting mockeries of better artistsi am not good at business i cant manage anything effectively i am lazy and impossibly slow at working when i do it at alli am not fit for making money or creative lifei feel like this is purgatory i worked very hard to escape what came before i had to fight to be average my reward and my luck has afforded me mediocrity mediocrity and being talentless is worse than death it is watching yourself diei am so tired of waking up like this i want to be done i want to wash my hands of this world in some equally mediocre way the world can take advantage of me i dont want anything from it,1
i dont know how to fix myself and i dont understand therapy or anything thats supposed to help i dont know what to do i cant seem to do anything in my life anymore or take care of myself i am in therapy and trying psychiatrists but i dont feel its helping i dont know if i understand how therapy is supposed to help and actually apply it in my life outside of the session i just dont understand ive been trying for 10 years and dont feeli amgetting any better and if anything just getting worsei ampanicking right now sincei amfeeling at the end of my rope and have no where to go i dont think i can make any effort in my life anymore even just picking up a small piece of trash in my apartment is beyond me how am i supposed to figure out how to take things from therapy and apply them outside of a session i dont know what to do when i dont feel i can do anything,1
i know your never coming back_ is been almost two months since you left and left me lonely every day that passes is hard living without you and i know you never coming back the future i had with you shatter into million pieces the day you lefti amnever going to see you againi amnever going to hear your voice feel your touchi am going crazy without you if i had the chance to go back in time i would hold you so tight and never let you go but now is to late i will never understand your death my love why god let this happen you left me heart broken my everything i wish i could die too is hard living without you _ _ ,1
divorce is hard soi am going through a divorce i dont want with the girl of my dreams she admits we could fix this if she wanted to but i was a terrible person didnt cheat or abuse but terrible husband nonetheless until a month before she left she is breaking her commitment to me even though i never broke mine the only thing i can think of is til death do us part and i know i will never meet somebody as wonderful as her she gave me the world and i squandered it because i was an idiot right when i know that i need to do something to save what we have its too late i dont want to live if i cant live with my wife and i dont want to sign the papers and break my commitment i told her by saturday if i havent done it that she will have the papers back a month ago i held a 40 to my head and was severely unlucky because federal 40 doesnt generally make dudssomeone help,1
need help immediatelyi amon a 10 min time down from this forum man has said this what do i do,1
i need help so i like this girl but now my asshole of a friend likes her too and now hes trying to get with her what should i do i think i might commit suicide if this gets out of hand,1
those suicide prevention hotline online ims what do they talk about and have they actually helped anyone here i had trouble with the online chat but the phone calls were better than i hoped for they called me until i told them i no longer felt like suicide was an option we talked about little things and big things i really felt indifferent to it at first but after a few minutes of talking it was really nice to get some supportive attention and like i said they called me to check up on me they called me probably once a week to once every two weeks until i told them that i didnt feel suicidal anymore so yes theyve helped me and i will always remember what they did for me,1
suicide the rational choice hi anonymous crowdrecently i have been contemplating suicide again and this time i feel like those thoughts are becoming more harder to dispel therefore i wanted to ask you guys for your thoughts here are my considerationsi dont think i can ever find a job because based on past experience colleauges and bosses dont get along with me cant stand having me around after a while also i am socially awkward and dont like being around people unless i am really close to them i am currently a student but i am failing my courses because i am depressed again i cant help it and i feel desperate my conclusion is that i am unfit for life i cannot support myself and i hate the thought of being financially dependent on my mother a girlfriend which i dont have or society for the rest of my life so i think i should end it now because there is no other rational solution meds dont work and therapy doesnt work either even if i will be better in the future it will recur as it always has and whatever i am engaged in at that point will collapse i cannot achieve anything because i am unreliable due to my mental instability the only real problem i have with killing myself is the grief it would bring upon my family and the few people who care about me but should i stay alive and eke out a living just to avoid aggrieving themi am not sure maybe i can convince them that it is the only way and the best thing in the long run i dont wanna whine here about how horrible i feel and how depression destroys my life i am only interested in pragmatic approaches in dealing with it since i have tried meds and therapy i dont believe in it anymore as it has never helped me i do not wanna live like this forever it is unworthy and pointless i am only a burden to society and that is unacceptable to me i dont wanna stick around just to feel worthless and failed the next question would be how to do it but i guess first things first so considering there is no cure and i am a burden wouldnt it be reasonable to end myself let me know what you think thanks max,1
i really dont know whati amdoin ive been depressed for a while now 5 years the sadness comes and goes but i no longer can control it ive been crying for several hours now i feel so alone a couple of hours ago i just put this belt in my neck and pressed it i obviously found myself asking what am i doing and took it offi am trying i really am to keep it up but i just feel some of these daysi amjust gonna hung myself without even noticing it like what just happened 4 am i dont know who to talk to i feel so lonelyi amgonna die of loneliness,1
some days are harder than others still in the end my life has always been rough from the day i turned 7 and my stepdad started drinking because he couldnt smoke anymore some days i still feel like the futures so bleak an empty i try to stay strong after all i was raised to be a soldier i know i made a lot of bad decisions in my lifei am23 and still live with him but its taking me so long and i amunable to afford to move out i was made to drop out of schoolor might as well have i went enough to avoid truency at 15 and pay rent i did sell by selling drugs and started myself on a path towards death or prison i selled a lot and should have died one of the times i overdosed than i quit everything the day i found out i was going to be a father i tried to get a job for 2 years relentlessly eventually the mother left me and moved in with some guy she met online taking my daughter alongshes still unemployed to this day finally last year i got a dishwashing job that ive been holding ive been trying so hard and doing so little i sit in my room hating the fact that i still live here have so little accomplished i hate that as i type this i cry about him beating my mother knowing i cant call the cops because every fucking time they never arrest him and i get hit more i hate that i cant do anything ive switched to much self medication with mindful meditation but the lack of attention makes this difficult i hate the feeling thati am not going anywhere i hate that i have noone i can talk to i have 3 friends who just tell me theyre sorry and i dont deserve it and i love them dearly but sometimes i feel i should just quit like it doesnt matter like the world would be better off without mei have this sickness where nothing feels right i have this pain inside hoping someday soon i will die if it were an accident itd be a travesty unlike a suicide wich is just a free sympathy ride for my parents that dont care if i do the right thing as long i got money coming in its not likei am trying the best i can but i was raised to be a criminial livin in a civil world its surreal in other words i cant fucking take iti ampaitently waiting for the day that i can say its not my faulti didnt wake,1
i dont deserve attention but hope my post helps others i have aspergersi am currently living in my exwifes apartment i filed to divorce her i get a dissolution she tells me she agrees to take all debt additionally i agree to split our stuff amicably she gets kitchen stuff i get computer stuff we dont have much except debt mind you i brought 200k into the relationship and am coming out with 18k i paid for her to get 2 2 year degrees a hip reconstruction followed by a total hip replacement i am now living in our apartment both our names are on the lease she tells me she is sorry that she never should have married me she never loved me as a lover and that this has been a mistake during that time i moved to her home state oh where i have no friends or family and enroll in school to get gis certification i have a bs in geology she pays for it i have tried many times going through interviews 32 but i never heard back from them i know i good at what i do grades and school tells me so so i know i suck at interviews i served the us navy and us army with honor and am currently working with veteran affairs for medication and housing i am about to be homelessi feel that i have a lot of value i have a lot of skills but no one wants me i havent told my family because i think i would be considered an outcasttonight i refuse to look up drug interactions and am taking clonazepam alcohol lunesta ambien and seroquel god bless everyone this world sucks,1
how do i be sure that theyre going to be okay wheni amgone many of my friends are suicidal as well and i amafraid that me leaving might be the last thing needed to push them over the edgei am going to be killing myself either way but i just want to have some sort of solace in the fact that i know theyll be safe wheni amgone what steps can i take leading up to the deed that will ensure or at the very least increase the likelihood that theyd be okay ,1
i dont even care about getting better i honestly have given up trying to get better i was taken inpatient about a month ago and was there for a few days where they gave me meds and set up an appointment with a counselor i missed the appointment and the next available one isnt until the end of november my meds dont seem to be working and my regular doctor doesnt want to switch them and has given me a referral to see a psychiatrist it just seems likei amready to die right now and if i could get help in the next week i could get better but i canti amdone waiting and ready to just kick the bucket ,1
failure and pain one day i was a normal teen now i chronically suffer the risk of wanting my death because of choices i have made the only thing that holds me back is the fear of death and the hope i can find help this is my cry my plea and my realization that i need help right now my wrists are bleeding my shirt bloody and my tears have stopped i just want to talk and be cared about my coworkers joke about my death and i just dont care anymore it hurts me to care,1
please somebody tell me not to throw myself out of my dorm windowi amconstantly surrounded by people and yet i feel as alone as when the depression first started i feel ignored and i feel like the only way to get people to notice me is if i do something drasticplease somebody tell me not to do it,1
i need mental help i am exhausted i just want to be betterim sorry for all the rambling i am crying bubbling mess i am so sad i hope the rest of you guys are doing well thanks for reading or skimming through this heap of garbage sorry for any typos or errors,1
suicide in family i am 25 and have been taking antidepressants for a few years now and just last week my brother who had a severe learning disability hung himself in the kitchen this really struck a chord with me as i had attempted hanging myself years ago and he was the one who walked in the room and despite being my older brother in his child like innocence he rescued mei had no idea he felt this way but i have been an emotional wreck ever since i dont know how to be happy knowing despite his demeanor he was at that point the only thing stopping me from ending it is what my brothers death had put my parents through and my girlfriend who doesnt deserve what i put her through i just quit my job tonight as i had a full mental collapsei dont know whyi amputting a cry for help on an anonymous message board but i am scared and i am without direction,1
god i wanna fucking jump in front of a bus i completely hate my fucking life i hate every momenti amawake i have barely any friends women are disgusted by me and i fucking hate myself i should truly just fucking end it like maybe i will i usually am dangerously close to suicide when i act drunk with suicidal joy yet another girl i had a fucking shot with is fuckin some white dude and i have no friends to be upset with i should leap in front of a fucking bus and die,1
my days are numbered already been making goodbye gifts already gave things away 10 years of hell made me give up my best friend and i cant live without that personi ama toxic and parasitic person because of it and all the changing ive tried to do always ends in failure medication doesnt help friends being there for me doesnt help my days are numbered just a matter of how and where i do it,1
cant stop thinking of suicide just need someone to talk to i got a plan but no date and i feel like i need to tell someone only thing is if i tell anyone in the real world i will ruin my chance of ever doing it and i will be put in a hospital,1
passive i dont want to kill myself right now but i want to die i made such a big mistake and i need to make it right but i amat a dead end because every time i fix something i fuck it up again i carry so much guilt so much hatred for myself i dont know what to do this is so hard to live through and it hurts so much i dont have a solution its so painful,1
i missed my chance at happiness i was going to type shit but who really caresi amdone,1
contents of suicide note do i say what will make them happiest or the truth,1
kids arent meant to feel like this about a year ago i got over my suicidal thoughts i destroyed my notes and felt a lot better i got more outgoing made new friends and reconnected with old onesbut now theyve come back its a mixture of severe dysphoria and my dad my dad is probably the main reason he always blames things on me he tells me that i can talk to him then if i do he doesnt do anything he just tells mei amoverreacting it cant be that bad ect i dont know what else i can do to get better ive tried counselling online chats helplines everything i can think oftheres only about 5 or so people who i think would care about my death and theyre all my friends i feel like the only thing holding me back from just killing myself is that i probably wouldnt be able to get the right materials if you read all the way through this thanks thanks for just taking time out of your day to hear a 13 year old kid scream into the abyss,1
cant kill myself i wanna die but too much of a coward to do itstuck posting on this shitty website,1
i dont know how to feel lately all i have been hearing is all uni talk future new friends blah blah blah i feel like i will not accomplish any in life my psychologist psychiatrist parents tutors all have high hopes for me but i feel like i will disappoint them or even worst disappoint myself anyway my anxiety has increased in the last month it has reminded me of how i used to be two years ago i dont want to be like that but feeling like that again made me want to kill myself i got medication for my anxiety sadly it doesnt help with the mental aspects but stop all the physical aspects of anxiety that is supposed to help me in my exams to concentration today i took them it felt weird my head was messed but my body was numb i didnt like that feeling it felt wrong i was lost dead for the rest of the school day i thought they would help but i rather take something to shut my head up i dont know the point of this post but i dont feel comfortable talking to my friends or my family about this school is nearly over then i start uni i will not be taking the medication once my exams are finished but my whole family thinks i am either faking how i feel or this is a phase in my life everything is coming to an end i feel confused lost everything seems pointless i dont know the point of this point sorry for wasting anyones time ,1
today i found out id be laid off today my supervisor told me my last day at work is on sept 30i amsuper down right now i just wanna hang myself i dont know how to put in words whati amfeeling ugghh very disappointed i dunno what to do and it was so far the best job ive hadi feel so tired right now i dont know just thinking about my debt everything i dont know what to do i wanna choke my self to death,1
unexplained sadness depression i have been battling depression and anxiety for several years i have no reason to feel like this i have a great marriage 27 years great kids i have a good job that is low stress i take my meds and see my dr on a regular basisi cant seem to shake this unhappiness i have changed jobs 3 times since 2013 blaming my work i know now it cant be my work its mei dont know what to do i have been hospitalized twice in the last 12 years i dont feel it helped at all just made me feel like a criminal then get released when insurance stops payingjust accepting the fact thati am not going to be happy doesnt sound like an option,1
real talk suicidal what if there was a country in the world where everyone spoke some weird language and nobody spoke your language there was no way to learn theirs and nobody could ever understand you and when you did hand movements or something people would get annoyed fast what if every single one of these people supported something outrageous that you could never support something totally insane like all wearing symbols representing a view you completely didnt agree with would you move away if given the opportunity if someone brought you an airplane to take out of that country said you could never return and all you needed to do to get on the airplane was draw a bit of blood would you leavei amasking this because i feel this way every single day i am a complete outcast i dont view what society deems to be normal and acceptable as anything but outrageous in some cases ,1
i cant conceive that it will get better looking from the outside my life might seem pretty good but i am constantly worrying about the future a couple of years ago i started a business with two friends and i have never been more anxious and worried that i made a huge mistakei risked everything my wife and i had worked for the last 15 years i just dont think i can keep doing this i feel like everybody would be better off if i was just gone i feel like such a failure and i amletting everybody downi just want this endless merry go round to end,1
its perfectly normal to get suicidal when you misplace your wallet and to attach a rope to your chin up bar right what a fucking day,1
amunsure but i feel like tonight might be the night ori am really close i have prescription pills that have a severe interaction more than enough it seems i cant take them in little bunches over the days i already taking a small bunch and it didnt do anything so i need to either take it all or none i still feel unsure but i feel my crisis level slowly wavering upward ,1
something i thought of at night i couldnt ever put my feelings in words when i was younger but around 2 am i wrote something that i think that honestly conveys what i feelsuicidewant all your problems to go awaywant it to never happen to you againmake sure you never feel like this again,1
i am not selfish or a narcissist nor am i really worth much of an effort so i am thinking that since no one cares about me including me i will just fade away to nothingness and either die of an od or get hooked on hard drugs either way it is a win for everyone else because they wont be bothered by me anymore maybe people will find out maybe they wont either way i am just so tired of trying to save myself and tired of asking for help in saving myself just to get ignored passed over or getting a good thing which i then end up completely fucking up i know i have only been on reddit for a short while but i have enjoyed it here and the people are nice so until we meet again when we are both catsthank you for listening fellow redditors ,1
i have no one i recently started college a month ago and in that time i have made 0 friends i dont know if ive even talked to someone at all except for a thank you for someone holding open a door for me my two friends from high school dont text me anymore my parents seem like theyre bothered and annoyed by my calls rather than pleased i want to talk to them i have literally no one i came to the realization that if i were to kill myself in my room literally no one would know until the end of the year when they come to check thati ammoved out of my room its hard for me to just join a club just talk to someone because even the thought of having human interaction terrifies me and sends me into a panic attack i just wish that this could all end or that i could just have a new brain that made things easier i honestly dont know what to do ,1
how do you keep going when everything falls apart and there is no hope one step one day at a time taking every breath deep and slow,1
passively suicidal i don t really value my life i don t believe there is anything wrong with suicide i don t believe in an afterlife with that said i m not actively suicidal but sometimes i feel i d be better off dead i have bipolar disorder i feel like a burden to others at times my ex broke up with me because she couldn t handle my i willness but mostly i don t want to live with this i willness it presents many challenges mostly to relationships which is a huge problem for me since i ve always wanted to get married and have children not to mention i could pass this i willness to my children oh god i d rather not live ,1
floating through timei am tired it just feels likei am going through the motions fucki amjust done with everything i want to crawl in a hole and never come out fuck id promise id be social more out there but i amdone likei am tired of not feeling anything i keep trying but its not workingim so tired of being stuck like this dammit floating through life with basically no purpose what am i even doing ive lost all motivation so long ago i forget what its like to feeli dont want to drag anyone down with me but seriously i feel likei amout of options i hope the rest of you are having a better night i may soon enough ,1
i just cant go on anymore i am tired of life i try everything to fix my life and nothing works ive lost all my hope this is my cry for help i give up,1
i met someone i met someone someone who makes me feel something other than dread and guilt he means well and wants to help me but its only been a few days i dont want to let him in somethings telling me i shouldnt while something else is telling me i shouldi dont know what to do,1
amworried that if i stay where i am much longer i might kill myself helloi am not really even sure whyi ammaking this post other than i need to say this to someone and i cant say it to anyone else i moved to the midwest and took a job i hate for a terrible boyfriend that i have since broken up with he was the kind of person who thought that depression was some kind of character flaw so i pretended a lot around him well the great and terrible thing about being broken up is that i no longer have to pretend that i am not depressed i rarely eat unless someone is watching why eat if i just have to do it again later its so monotonous all of the dishes i own have been in my sink for like a week my carpet is mostly dog hair i cant concentrate at work because its so useless and stupid and not just becausei amdepressed my job is objectively stupid and uselessi amhaving a really hard time not snapping at my coworkers or the one friend that i have in a 2 hour radius i go in and out of these episodes once every couple weeks i absolutely hate it here and have hated it since i got here but i feel like i shouldnt just burn my life to the ground in a fit and leave without lining up a job and having a good plan the plan is in the works but its slow going and i dont know how much longer i can hang on here which feels dramatic to say but its true during these depressive episodes on the way to work i am overcome with the urge to drive into a tree or guard rail and sometimes i white knuckle my steering wheel just to make sure i dont do it when i open the door to work and someone says good morning its like all thats going on in my head is screaming and i want to run off a bridge which i know is ridiculous during the past couple weeks i have been thinking about dying death and suicide more than i usually do during a depressive episode and i just need to move back to my home statei amafraid of how isolated i am and i just really really hate it here i genuinely think that i will be a lot happier once i get out of here but i amafraid that i might do something terrible in a moment of insanity in the meantime its like some days my brain just jams and i get really upset at everything going on around me and all i can think is kill yourself and i have to fight it until the urge passes like throwing up or something its very strange anyway thank you for listening to me ramble on i feel a lot better just getting that off my chest ,1
i dont feel very good right now hi sorry for my bad englishi am22 years old virgin my friend are all gone in other country because of school i still live in my parents basement to help my sick father i struggle with the university and my job icant say thati amhappy i dont know if i can make it i feel hopeless and lonely if its what life is all about i dont know if i want to be a part of it anymore oh and btwi amcurrently seeing a psy and it doent help much to be honest ,1
why live with a demented brain why shouldnt i kill myself i have nothing to offer just got back from the doctors office and found its likely i have cte from a neuropsych testi am25 memory scores were in the bottom 15 for most categoriesi was a gifted student in elementary school and graduated from a top university years of football will do that to you i played since i was 8 and continued playing at the collegiate level until the last concussion knocked me out and was the final blowwhy should i keep going doctors have told me by 30i ama candidate for full blown dementia and will be a nursing home at that point ifi am not already dead i just dont see the point in life,1
bought rope again the ropes too thin though but its long so i could cut it in pieces and braid iti dont even know whyi amposting here such a waste of time,1
cheeking or not swallowing pills on the psyc wardi amcurious as to everyones thoughts about this obviously getting drugged up against your will is awful and nobody should have to worry about thatregarding forced medication though is there any way that they ensure you take these crazy pills do the nurses really care that much worst case scenario is they catch you hiding the pills before you can spit them out and then you wind up taking the pills anyway i dont see why patients wouldnt try to first do this if they are really against being medicatedthoughts,1
anyone needs a friend i have been quite lonely and depressed those days the only friend that i had now doesnt want to be my friend anymore and just disappeared from my life even when he said he loves me,1
i cant live with myself i hate myself so so so much not even because of anything i did but the person i am the character i have is the complete opposite of what i admire and i physically cannot even change iti amshy polite modest idealistic sensitive horrible at both giving and receiving criticism and have 0 ambition i truly believed i could change myself to become someone strong confident a leader passionate creative in control fulfilled and most of all happy after desperately trying to become someonei am not for years its truly heartbreaking but i cant accept the way i naturally am theres nothing to admire about that and i cant accept that i cant change it what do i do the pain is so unrelenting ive had it as long as i can remember ive only stayed alive in the hope that i can change myself and it will go away now i know its not going to go away please help me,1
wondering if going on is worth iti ambehind on my bills and i cant support the people i care about in ways that matterevery month my credit card debt increases and my bills get a little later especially debt bills because i chose to try to save myself years ago from suicide by following my dreams and picking up photography and now all that has come back in the form of debts i cannot meet i havent had a job interview since april despite being told i have a strong resume and over a decade of work experience i havent been able to get a decent raise or consistent hours i cant just go back home to the south because id run out of gas money before i made it a quarter of the way back across the us and id be a financial burden on my family because my job prospects there are just as bleak even if i got a job in my degree the pay is shit and id still need more jobs but thats irrelevant because i cant afford teaching certifications there or heremoving back to the south is not an option for me for political reasons and staying in the us is becoming increasingly untenablei am an lgbtq individual and the current political and social climate just feels like its getting worse and worse and worse i have to look at the news every day about laws restrictions and court cases going against us i have to look at family members basically telling me i should just accept it and be glad its not worse i have friends breaking down daily because being trans is all but criminal at this point to the federal and some state governments and i cant emotionally bear that anymore being in the closet once almost killed me i cant do it again id rather diei know my family would miss me but they havent seen me in three months and we only talk occasionally i know my girlfriend and my partner would both miss me i also know that both of those sentences are temporary and would pass i am honestly finding it harder and harder to find reasons to go on when my financial and social situation both seem to not have any hope in sight at this point,1
do you ever feel like you are beneath suicide because nobody would care aside from your closest familyfriends theyd probably only care because they felt like they had to and sooner or later theyd realize that theyre much better off without you and youre such an obvious failure that everyone you know tangentially would not give half a shit maybe theyd even be slightly impressed that you had finally done your worthless self in they all think youre a laughing stock maybe theyd see you as a human being capable of emotion if you killed yourself but then theyd see more of you than youve ever offered and the fact that you cant control your own image and legacy beyond the grave scares you so much that you cant even bring yourself to just end it you dont want to be the guy that killed himself but you really truly want to die you fantasize about having died in a childhood accident before you ever proved your worthlessness as a person maybe people wouldve cared back thenthis is my life right now i figured one day id start mustering up the courage to fight it but i thinki amslowly mustering up the courage to end it ,1
amready i have the razor ready to slice open my arms,1
i think its timei am so tiredim worth more dead than alive,1
amthe worst human being of all time first of all this is not exciting i wish i can write how i killed someone or did this to make people go like damn but noi am not even good enough for thati ama lil bitch i cant talk to my family let alone friends or strangers these hoes wanna fuck but i say no causei amonly 5 inches i want a job where i wanna be by myself causei amsick of talking and being around and looking at people vice versa i want to kill myself but dont want my family to find me so i dont know no fucks given,1
this afternoon i popped 15 pills to get anywhere you need to get to 30 my heart spasmed a few times as i got to 12 and i fell asleep when i hit 15 i received a text from someone i hadnt talked to in very long from someone who i used to half hourslong discussions with who wanted to know about the world around me who sent me tea from halfway across the globe i cried and cried i ve been sabotaging my life for a long while now and i think this is finally the time ,1
i need to be institutionalizei am going fucking crazyi amliterally thinking about fucking murdering someone and fucking killing myself afteri amfucking rocking back and forth someone come and just put me out of my misery ,1
i just want to get better but i dont know howi amscared and alone and anxious and constantly remindedi amcovered in scars becausei ama dumbfuckeverything seems like such a struggle i cant even motivate myself to waste time i just do nothing except for occaisonal houseworki dont even have the selfesteem fallback of being good at anything or having a hobby i just have nothing its really hard to even get out of bed i spent the entire day in bed yesterday rotating between bad dreams fueling my anxieties and crying whenever i was awakeits really hard to not just do something irreversibly stupid i get antsy helping with food prep and being around sharp knivesim not qualified for anything i feel likei am too stupid for anything i dont have the drive of i want to do ive got severe anxiety and everythings so scaryall my online friends that are better than me just constantly come to me heyi am so worthless and sad and i cant do anything and theyve selftaught like an entire language or are exceptionally skilled at their hobbies or this and moreand i just dont have anythingi am21 failed highschool and havent done anything since except mooch off my parents that put up with me for some reason and probably annoy everyone i talk to becausei am worthless and depressedhad a really shitty episode last night and just deactivated all my accounts and removed everyone except my distance gf because againi ama dumbfuck even though i promised i wouldnt do this again i didsomeone basically just said to me stop being depressed you have a gf you have no reason to be sad and i think it just broke something in me ive been feeling like shit ever sinceits so hard to not just give upi just want to be even semi functional and live somewhere quiet with the person i adorei dont want to think about suicide constantly at the drop of a hati dont want to be anxious around sharp things because its so easy to relapsei feel broken compared to everyone else ive ever met and it sucksthis post sucks and so do i and i am not even sure why i posted,1
killing myself is really the smart thing to do since becoming disabled i have lost all will to live i used to enjoy getting up every morning now i wake up disappointed that i did not die in my sleepi have nothing to live for anymore nothing to look forward to no version of the future interest me i just want to die death frees me from having to experience life as a disabled person i see no reason to continue living since there is nothing left for me to do that i want to doi just to want to be here the combination of having a future to look forward to and having to experience life in a wheelchair is enough for me to want to check out,1
guys how am i gonna fucking keep living i am so scared of actually killing myself and i amscared that whats happening is all some fucking test and its gonna be over soon but i amgonna kill myself conveniently the day this fucking test is over and i fucking ruined my chance of happinessi am so scared but i am so miserable ,1
it hurts to see my friends and roommates go and have fun without inviting me then lying to me about it i have been on and off depressed for the most part of 3 years and tried to commit suicide 2 years ago i dont know what to do and how to not take this personally they do it all the time and verbally abuse me any help,1
i dont want to be a burden i went to the mental hospital this summer spent the better part of a month there in fact i finally told the truth to my psychiatrist and was sent there it wasnt a bad place really but i ampretty sure i just got lucky with a really good hospital they experimented with medications there and there were a bunch of groups to go to hell i think i even almost made a couple of friends almosti amout nowi am still very depressed and anxious in facti ammore depressed i think then ive ever been i cant enjoy things anymore not a day goes by where i dont feel sad and not an hour goes by without a thought of suicide i dont know what to do i guess the medsi amon arent working or something i just dont want to be a burden the doctors and my family were so happy when i left the hospital and nowi am in a worse place than when i first went there i want to kill myself and i amjust lonely i have no friends or meaningful relationships with other people i have crippling social anxiety and have given up on talking to people i just want to give up now if that experience couldnt help me what cani am trying to be healthy i really am i go on walks everyday to get out i brush my teeth and shower i take my meds but none of it is changing how i feel i guess the best way to describe how i feel is i want to give up on everything i just want to curl up and die or do nothing i sleep way too much 12 hours a day just so i can avoid being awake now this is just turning into a stupid rant fucking great great i dont know what to doi amsupposed to tell my parents if i feel like this we talked a lot about communication at the hospital but i cant i just cant i dont want to tell anyone except anonymous strangers on the internet who will forget me a few minutes after they read this post hilarious huhi amstarting school soon and i will miss it if i go back to the hospitali amscared if i tell anyone how i feel i will get sent to a bad hospital where i will be miserable i just dont know what to do i am miserable everyday anyways i guess a person to chat with would be nice i am really lonely and talk to myself too much i am bad at following up on replying but i will try or does anyone have advice for the comments what do i do there is just too muchi am17 and way behind everyone else my age gah this is another stupid rant i wish i was dead,1
best way to commit suicide and not discover my body i just want to end it and cause minimal harm to my family i dont want them to find my body because this is just traumatic hell it would be great if they didnt even know i was dead and just went missing my plan so far is to shoot myself in the head in the middle of a lake with a weight tied to my foot that way theres is 100 success rate if the bullet doesnt kill me drowning will and my body will sink so nobody will be traumatized by finding it i will just disappear just wondering if anybody had any better ideas ps please dont try to convince me not to ive heard it all before and it wont help i have no idea why everybody is so opposed to death hell its probably just like what it was like before i was born nothing and compared to the pathetic life i live that sounds great to me ive thought about it for a while and i am doing it and who sayi ama selfish asshole your right please help me cause less damage to my family so i can be less of an asshole,1
i am having the worst night of my entire life ive never wanted to kill myself more ever then i do right now but i amdumb and i amhoping youd get back together with me again,1
youll never actually give a fuck we started talking again and you decide to ghost me out of nowhere at least let me know fucked over again and again thinki amgonna go lay on the railroad tracks until a train hits me or i get up and go back to my apartmentits always some other guyi amjust your filler fuck youplease dont respond to this posti amjust trying to vent,1
worried i might do something drastic currently recovering from a panic attack i had about an hour ago i still live with my mom basically i left her a note telling her that she didnt have to do my laundry anymore becausei am already enough of a burden i didnt mention that part in the note she bursts into my room at 1am and starts crying and saying that i shouldnt be so mean i was confused and didnt say anything and she left about 5 minutes later she runs in again yelling at the top of her lungs about how shes never doing anything for me ever again and i shouldnt ask her to i dont know how i possibly could have offended her i thought i was being nice and responsible but i guess not long story short i almost overdosed i took about 4 pills before i stopped myself i still kind of want to take the rest as of now ive lost everyone that i ever cared about i cant face my mother in the morning i dont know what to do falling asleep and never waking up seems like a good solution ,1
11 years of fighting depression i think ive about had enough depression hit me hard 11 years ago and ive been on a slow path to recovery or so i thought somehow its relapsed this years and its as worse as its ever beeni amon the verge of divorce my true love is out there waiting for me but i cant be with her so i will end up with no one when this is all overi amlosing my house my marriage i have no friends my family is unsupportive and id rather live on the streets than go back living with them the one thing i want that could save me and make life worth living is the one person i consider my true love except shes taken and she has largely withdrawn herself from me so when its all said and done i will have nothing no one i am 34 and my depression started when i was 23 i held on because i was convinced it would get better it started to but then it got worse again i just dont have the strength to continue anymore as soon as i figure out the best way to end it i probably will,1
i want to die because i have hivi ama drug free 20 year old straight white male from the united states who has only had sex with 5 girls 2 of which were long term relationships the probability of me contracting hiv was extremely low i dont understand how i could be so unlucky 2 tests were positive everything i aspired to do in my life requires a hiv status i want to serve in the french foreign legion i want to obtain another passport which wouldve been done through the ffl most countries will not accept hiv people for naturalization i had interest in trying to start a private militarysecurity company that specialized in many sectors including humanitarian relief after my time in the servicei amvery well versed in international relations but i cant do any of that with an hiv status literally all of my goals and dreams have been crushed i dont want to live like this every time i read and research things that interest me i just feel sick to my stomach because i cant live that life did you know that a secret society accidentally contributed to the start ww1 by one of its members assassinating the duke of austria did you know that white rhodesian soldiers of the selous scouts during the rhodesian bush war painted themselves black because killing a white soldier was considered a delicacy the black paint also helped camouflaged them in the bush i can tell you all about an ak47 cold war soviet cargo planes the famous mil mi8 helicopter viktor bout blood diamonds colonial africa jordanian intelligence agencies why pakistan covers for the taliban and why theyre hiding a indian organized crime lord and so so much more but all the information is useless to me if i cant use iti dont want to die but i dont want to live with hiv everything is complicated with it from relationships to my career i dont want to live like this ,1
in the beginning i remember i told myself to remember i took a mental snapshot of my world when i was 4 years old cold hard and grey like the concrete around me on a freezing overcast winters morningi always keep it close to methe pigeons looked forlorn dismal and hopeless that day but on reflection maybe that was mei felt worthless that daygranny gave me gloves with her caring eyes one cold winters morningi saw her walk around a corner and disappear i felt so deeply sad and losti saw her lying in blood with a broken neck she was battling to breathei had nightmares about her i looked into her eyes when she was in hospital i saw i looked briefly into her sad deep eyes and she peered back into mine i felt my gaze too inadequate for her like she needed more like she wanted to hold a conversation with me too deep for words like she wanted to tell me somethingi was too small inside so i looked awayi was whisked away and before i knew it she was gonei was gone with herlots of intense stuff has happened since then but that was one of the first times i felt really badim so sorry to all of you who suffer no matter what it is youre going throughi am really sorry we have to try hold on when the storm rolls in and dread and despair grips a hold of us its so important to hold on to something a belief a hope a vision a love dont give in hold on tight dont let go,1
is my classmate suicidal or is it just a sick sense of humor in english class i sit next to a boy i met at the beginning of the school year were both 16 and juniors hes really funny we talk a lot and i would consider us class friends he often says little things like kill me and i am going to kill myself which alone isnt concerning because some people just say those things randomly today he got in trouble for drawing a dick on his desk we were walking out of class together and he started talking about how he draws dicks everywhere i halfjokingly said are you okay and he responded noi am not also in a joking manner then he said he draws dicks everywhere because he wants to leave the school a gift before he kills himself he says this all as a joke but i feel like someone who talks about suicide this often isnt really joking some other things about him are he has adhd and seems kind of weird if you dont know him he told me he wasnt going to homecoming which everyone at my school goes to and if he did he would just show up in his pajamas sometimes he makes jokes about shooting up the school too i also like him and maybei amjust taking things out of context because i care about himare these things a warning signs i dont have much perspective as ive never been suicidal or known someone suicidalto my knowledge should i do anything or just ignore it i dont want to overreact to a joke but i also dont want to regret not doing anything if he hurts himself ,1
i have found a place to take my life it has genuine significance to me a park bench that i hung out with the girl ive been in love with for over ten years last i think its a very memorable place to do the deed but i am not sure how i do not have access to a gun so does anybody have any ideas been brainstorming with hanging there is a tree right beside the bench so i guess i could hang myself there,1
i just want to feel like someone cares the way i do its been years since i felt like i was someones top priorityi am21 years old in college should be having the time of my life but it just seems like i dont matter to anyone everyone i try to get close to just doesnt show the same concern the same care back people i consider my closest friends knowi am in a rut and yet nobody calls to check on my like i do nobody seems to wonder ifi amok or if i need helpmy past few girlfriends have legitimately left me for other guys one texting me as we speak telling me about how she left me because she likes his voice better like am i actually that bad of a person that i can be replaced by someone with a better voice my own family doesnt seem the slightest concerned with me being the way i am ive tried to talk to them about whati amstruggling with and i get responses like you just got to get it together and its not that hard to get up and get moving i just dont know whats wrong with me thati am not a priority to anyone i know that people say theres always someone that cares and i know that i just want back what i put out i want someone to talk to me first someone to ask me to go somewhere someone that just wants to be around me because they like to but i am not good enough and i dont know what to change to be that for someone anyways today was my breaking point i dont know how much longer i can do it i go to work and class with a mask on because everyone wants to be entertained not stressed by some depressed loneri am tired of acting happy it doesnt matter anyways because nobody would change a thing if they saw i wasnt happy,1
screw everyone who has very stopped me from killing myself seriously i have had serious mental health issues since i was six every freaking thing ive heard voices i rip out my hair my skin i just hate this i have attempted suicide many times so far i have been stopped and i am so mad about this yes they had good intentions but it doesnt make up for what they did i am tired of suffering this never ends,1
i just cant take the disappointment anymore ive always been a good student but last year i started studying engineering and i realized how depressed i was i started slacking on school work procrastinating and my gpa sucked i took this semester off to get help but i am so embarrassed and my parents dont take my depression seriouslyi am taking calculus and i have an exam tomorrow that i didnt study for and i know i am not going to do well and i just cant do this anymorei am so tired of being such a failure and such a disappointment i hate myself for being sick and for disappointing my parents like this i just want to die in my sleep so that i can be free and not have to worry about school anymore ,1
am in love with somebody who doesnt know i exist and even if she didi ampretty sure she wouldnt love me the way i need her to i dont really know how to explain what i mean but the feelings i have for her arent romantic in any way shes married and that doesnt bother me in the slightest as i have no desire whatsoever to have that sort of relationship with her but i love her deeply on a platonic spiritual level though ive never spoken to her i feel such a connection to her through her writing other than that i cant say what it is about me that makes me love her so much but all i can think about is her loving me back i so badly would love to have a mentormentee or motherdaughter kind of relationship with her and i dont know why i dont know why i crave a motherly figure or why specifically this woman as i have a wonderful relationship with my own mother and love her more than anybody in the world but some part of me on some level desires this womans affection i dont think i will ever be at peace until she knows me by name considers me a friend and has held me in her arms at least oncei cant tell anyone about my feelings lest they consider me a freak i know i ami ama fucked up weird person who doesnt even deserve to be alive and i know my dreams will never become a reality even if i do get to know this lady i dont expect things will work out the wayi amhoping they willi amquickly losing hope weight and the desire to livei amlike a walking vegetable completely devoid of any substance all i do is cry and make myself sick over not being able to have the love that i want more than anything i dont know how i can go on like thisi am tired of feeling sad and worthless ,1
this is the 2 girl that breaks up with me bci amdepressedi am not designed to be loved or be alivei have to face the facts i will be depressed the rest of my life tonight i will take all my pills you got 1 more day to surprise me world,1
life cheated on me its been 56 weeks now and i feel suicidal so look back at my posts to see the story ive been doing fine up until this last week its now hit me really hardi amlosing my whole life and i feel so alone divorce is the worst and i cant cope i just want my life to end ,1
i have nothing to live for i have nothing worth living for anymore my family and 2 friends just arent enough anymore i know if i did it they would be hurt but theyd soon get over iti am nothing speciali amunbelievably forgettable and replaceable school does nothing for me and is honestly a waste of my limited time i see a future of despair and loneliness and a degree isnt going to fix it and yeah things might get better at some point but i dont think i can wait for that things now are too bad and any reprieve that i may get in the future wont last so i might as well end the cycle ,1
i dont know whyi am still here 17 yo male high school senior living with my parents and no siblings recently ive come to have lost all of my self esteem i really dont know whati amgood and and what my purpose will ever be society i get occasional severe depression causing me to avoid social interactions and meetings with the closest of friends i find myself extremely awkward and notice how people get uncomfortable around me lots of people i know thinki amdecently attractive but my lack of social skills has come to my detriment when it comes to woman all of my friends are super successful students that are most likely going to ivy leagues have excellent social lives and are good with woman my recent homecoming dance really made me realize how far i had drifted from the rest of my friends when it comes to social interaction and friendship i know my friends and family care about me a lot but i find it hard to understand why a lot of times ive brought up suicide with my dad a few occasions but hes never taken me seriously this homecoming dance really pushed me over the edge and ive been considering it more than ever now i dont know what to do with myselfthe only things still keep me going are listening to frank ocean and going to the gym,1
 i bear the wounds of all the battles i avoided can anybody relate to thisquote by fernando pessoa,1
give me one reason why i shouldnt cut my throat open no one desires me i am a living jokeand no one hides that from mei am so angry,1
how does it feel to drown is it relaxing or is it desesperating like in movies have any of you experienced it,1
blehi amjust done here i wish voluntary euthanasia was a thing and it was available for anyone it will never happen because the powers that be get nothing out of it and lets be honest a metric fuck ton of people would be out of here and cause society to be even less stable but it should still be a thing society is embracing more freedom to choose eg gender stereotypes and all that well i say how about existential freedom why cant we choose to leave without an excruciating methodi had a gf for 6 months that was like morphine for my life she took the edge off i still had no desire to live though but no more now she has a new guy and thoughi amobjectively aware of my expendabilityi am really feeling it nowmy half assed idea for work is to work in a bicycle shop but even that is effort and i ama very slow person and id have to deal with people id just as easily take a painless method out instead,1
whats a useless mans reason to still walk this damnable planeti amserious about that question i mean have you ever just dumped your all into something only to realise you really just cant do it i hope you didnt but i did countless times my whole life really it didnt take me long to realise my body is too weak and sluggish for any type of sport but i kept looking for things to do with my life over and over and eventually i found games some might have called me an addict and though ive always denied the possibility nowi am not so certain but thats not what this rant is about i just played video games all day every day i sank hundreds of hours in them skyrim neverwinter the witcher 3 dark souls 3 civ 5 warface paladins overwatch league of legends and i can continue that list for hours but no matter how many hours i sank in whatever game no matter how hard i tried i always failed smite was the prime examplei ambound to have most of my playtime in that game and ive been playing and playing and with every character i failed and after every match i told myself hey thats fine this match didnt go well youre not good with this character oh well there are more than 80 in the game youll find yours one day but now after match number seventythousandandsomethingelse i finally gave up no matter what i do in my life i fail i have been useless and depressed for enough years to realisei am not going to be good at anything ever a wise person once told me to not give things your full 100 all the time keep a steady 75 on it makes people underestimate you so you can always impress them when you want besides too much stress isnt good for you thats why i wouldnt want a job that needs my full 100 all the time its way better doing nicely at the 75 but for that to be true that 100 needs to even be something and i can tell you my 100 is your 2 so back to the question in the title i have tried to do almost everything and no matter what i failed miserably i cant run i cant lift books i cant play soccer i cant play tennis i cant play fps games mobas rtsses i cant write stories play a piano or a guitar anything so why am i still here i only know about 5 people and i amdefinitely not contributing anything to society and i wont be missed by anyone if i go unlike what all those posts on suicide say ive been living the same story for years now and i ambored tired i dont want to fail for the umpteenth time so why would a person like me not commit suicide what the hell is my reason to be here anymore,1
bla bla bla another one just another sad shit in a long line of sad shits here nothing too special i suppose i want to kill myself daily i sabotage good things ive been barely able to hold a job longer then a couple of months i absolutely fucking despise myselfi amonly alive because of family and friends none of them understand none of them care to ask honestly ive told them all how i feel and yet all ive gotten is the same old one liners and advice that basically sums up to your on your own only you can fix you bullshiti dont eat both inability to purchase food and inability to choose food over cigarettes when i have 3 or 4 dollars to my name i eat about once every 2 days now days 511 and i amdown to 120something lbs i really dont know how much longer i will last before i throw myself off my 11th floor balcony,1
crappy birthday to me so my birthday is almost over it was supposed to help me forget the bullshit ive been going through lately but so far ive been cheated on i crashed my car and i amgetting evicted not to mention that i dont even have any money to go out to the bar and have a fucking drink with because the cheating bitch stole iti just want a hug _ ,1
i dont feel like anything good is ever going to happen how could it i just dont thinki ammeant to feel better i am just not meant to be who i want to be i will get to be 28 the arbitrary age ive set for myself to achieve the kind of success i want and i will have nothing to show for it but what a washedup talentless loser i am so whats the point ,1
goodbye friend my friend was taken off life support a couple days ago od on some synthetic opiates ever since then ive felt sick to my stomach seeing his family on facebook i dont have any energy and just wanna quit my job and quit school the last few years of my life have already been just real dull the only thing keeping me going is a new girl at work who seems interested in me but to her i amjust some normal guy she has no idea how depressed i am and i amscared to get close to her imagining her finding out makes me even more scared imagining that theres a good chance she wont be around to cheer me up in the future because i will inevitably ruin things is the worst of all without her i really dont know what would motivate me but she is all i look forward to just getting to go to work see her and laugh togetheri am not good with relationships and dont know how to progress things without ruining the one thing that makes me happyi got off topic a bit i guess these past few nights its been especially hard to fall asleep i keep thinking of my friend dying especially since were so young i keep thinking how he must have felt when it was happening i wonder if he knew he was dying i wonder if he knew he was in a coma on life support i wonder if hes in a better place nowim sorryi amranting i have no one to talk too about any of this i really just dont know what to do with myself anymore,1
cried for the first time in a decade sitting here spending the 10220th night alone i cannot take this for much longer i started therapy 3 months ago and i have been told that they are stuck i am sure someone here if they read this will say that i need to find a new therapistpsychiatrist but what is the pointi am so broken that i need to shop around for someone to tell me life is worth livingi have had some trauma in my life but i seriously cannot seem to do more than the bare minimum i eat 12 times a day sometimes i drink 7 days a week usually not to get trashed but it burns some time after work before i have to avoid my roommates until i fall asleep rinse and repeat the next daymy family adores me and would be just as proud if i cleaned a gutter then if i was a senator i have a support group that cries and pleads to me to be happy and accept them cant do iti have pushed all of my friends away to the point of have you thought about therapy and romantic relationships have never been possible i broke up with my first gf at age 13 because i couldnt handle being told she loved me the two since then have been even worse ive never been assaulted ive never wanted for anything i would trade my life if i could as i cant make anything of what i have had to tell someone might as well be reddit ,1
i just lost my last friend because i thought i was helping this all happened a few hours ago and i really dont know what to do i messed up really bad my friend was a little high and decided to meet a guy at a church near her house so she had me on the phone to call the cops if anything went wrong she already told me she didnt trust the guy she told me if she doesnt call me in 30 minutes to call the police i gave her 50 minutes because i figured her phone may have died but i was worried about her and called anyway she eventually did call me to let me know she was okay so i called the police station back and told them the same well they ended up going to her house anyway to check on her i guess the police found her high and drinking underage i can only assume shes in a ton a trouble all because of me she called me around fifteen minutes ago to tell me that her life was over and she was never going to talk to me again ive never been in a situation like this and i dont think i can live with ruining someones life like this i thought i was helping i tried talking to the suicide prevention hotline a few minutes ago and he put me on hold multiple times and just told me it was her fault but i know its not all on her i feel so helpless now how do you recover from knowing you ruined someones life i just ruined my own life too i wish i had just slept through her phone calls tonight somebody please help me because this seems like the type of thing that i will never be able to get over ,1
i wanna die i just cant deal with living without her please if anyone can reach out and talk please help me,1
my biggest regret right now is that i didnt go through with it i didnt have a suicide attempt like a lot of people but i had plans when how why and what would happen after i ended up not because i was told things would get better and they did for awhile i have a 1 year old baby girl and i love her to pieces the mother i love too but we are having issues right now i dont have hope this or anything else will work out and get better i should be gone and not have to deal with this anymore i am tired of failing i wish i was gone before my daughters birth that way she wouldnt be my reason to stick around right now,1
if it wasnt for my kids and my immediately family i would probably kill myself how i feel right now i spend my life looking after everyone i am a lone father to 2 girls i love dearly i work 2 jobs caring for disabled adults and disabled kids i literally spend my life caring for other people on the surface i laugh and jokebut inside ive been depressed my entire life i find it hard to cope with little things i live in a state of constant anxiety that has seen me fail at my dream of beginning a teacher i cant pass this times test i am fully competent to teach but cannot answer complex maths questions in 30 seconds so loli have a girlfriend who i do love to bits but shes pretty selfish eg i will try and talk about the stress of looking after my daughter who has aspergers and mental health issues and she starts going on about how well her daughter is doing in schoolshe literally never asks how i am i get really anxious about things my neighbours have moved out and said a young couple are moving in knowing this is the sort of thing that makes me extremely anxiousi amimagining terrible neighbours with banging music etc my girlfriend commented they are bound to be the worst i just think why be such a jerk and make me feel bad about stuff i feel very alonei hate how i look i have horrible teeth and i amoverweight i smoke like a chimney and obsess about dying so want to stop smoking but feel so stressed i smoke moreeverything just seems bleaki amsure if it wasnt for not wanting to hurt my family id have killed myself to end the constant pain i live with,1
alone tired and ready to leave its finally gotten to the point of no return distractions dont work no one wants anything to do with me i thought id be able to take this on by myself but ive come to realize how important outside support is well that train left a long time ago so now ive pushed everyone awayi amthinking maybe if i post this i might feel a bit better but while writing i just feel worse sorry for the annoyance hope i can get this over with before i witness more people in my life cut ties with me,1
feeling so alone i feel so fucking alone i feel that i have to put a click bait title to get any comfort in this world people tell me to go get help i try no one cares i cant tell my parents about my depression and suicidal thoughts because they dont even believe that i have severe anxiety issues years ago when i told my father i wanted to kill myself he just slapped me then i did the whole go to my room and cry my eyes out then he comes in the room with a knife to help me commit suicide what kind of fucking parenting tactic is that he genuinely thought that was going to help its only helped me to keep any real problems away from his ears i cant tell my boyfriend my problems because he has his own mental issues i have to be the strong one in the relationship i refuse to bring my problems up to him i have no friends theyre all gone except for one trying to crawl back in my life after the way she treated mei have trust issues now as well so i dont even talk about this stuff unless its with strangers online or some online friend i happen to get close to for weeks then disappear ,1
buckshot or slug do you guys think i should commit suicide using a shell of buckshot or a slug assuming it is a 12 guage i just want to end it instandly and painlessly,1
i am torn between wanting to live and wanting to die better to live at least until youre 27 and you can join the clubseriously though whats up,1
i am already in constant physical agony with stomach pains that prevent me from eating anything i am more afraid of living than dying at this point from my research it seems like all the painless methods out there have since been curtailed due to govt regulation i really dont think that will affect my decision at this point i thinki am willing to do whatever it takes to get out of here anyway thank you for your time,1
amliterally jumping off aiming for the head,1
lost everything within a week house wife kids job sucks regularly overworked and underpaid and sleeping in a warehouse my whole world just fell apart i want to leave this shit life but i care about others too much to do it hey man i cant speak to your experiences as you are further long the path of life than i am i wont offer you any advice i dont want to offend either your intelligence or experience however i will say things can get better if you make it happen i wish you the best please take care ,1
am so close at this point ive been in pretty bad shape since high school but the last three years overwhelmingly since 2017 began have been the worst my will to continue to go on is stretched so thin i have recently realized thati ama ridiculous hypochondriac ironic for someone who is suicidal righti amtruly not afraid of dying at all but i am afraid of long term suffering or having to deal with surgical disfiguration or complications or something i guess even though the suffering wouldnt be long as itd just prompt me to do it already but these consistent thoughts thati amalways sick or have something wrong with me to an extent which is true as ive had some minor to moderate health issue over and over since this year began have basically left me a shell of who i used to be as if that was anything in the first place it has made me think itd be so much better and easier if i just skipped ahead of all the worries and finished all those thoughts already much faster and more easily and then theres how life is actually goingi am in college which ive been miserable at since i got herei am21 and the last three years have been truly some of the most miserable years of my life since going to college ive lost all my friends from before college whether just by losing touch or by going separate ways in terms of personality development so theyre all gone ive made friends but not a single friend who could give the smallest ounce of a damn aka the reasoni amsitting in my apartment on a friday night instead of being out like everyone i know is any time i have had any plans with anyone theyve bailed in one way or another i have a couple of people who bring me a lot of joy but i dont bring any joy to any single person on this earth and thats a really big pain for me ive never dated anyone i havent been able to really deeply care about anyone becausei am so dead and cold inside that there is no point all i do is go to work and class eat which i cant even enjoy as much anymore as ive had so many god damn gastrointestinal problems recently i cant even be comforted by it anymore and go to bed i cant afford psychiatric help so i am and always have been on my own the very few people ive ever had a somewhat real conversation with have dismissed me as being melodramatic and depressing always a great thing to hear and i havent even bothered to be really open with themi am an american but a lot of family lives abroad and i have to work very hard to send money back there because they need it which at this point is the only thing that gives me some sense of fulfillment because it gives me the false sense that someone needs me even though they only need me for the financial aspect if i disappeared the only loss anyone would experience would be my paychecks and oh boy does that cut deep in every other aspecti amuseless and unnecessary i drink pretty often which i know doesnt help but its the only thing that makes me feel good if i go out thats always going to be a good way to do it i dont even want to feel sorry for myself but i dont want to feel this way anymore and theres no sign of a resolution to it i want to die so very much and i have so many ways i can do it but i am not doing it yet for some unidentifiable reason but i dont know how long that unidentifiable force will be here ,1
one more night first time posting on any subhere goes soi ambipolar diagnosed and untreated ive self medicated with opiates since the death of my mom who raised me my parents divorced at ten and both remarried abusive assholes who dont care about me my dad wasnt bad he just wasnt available 4 days a month at his place and we never spent time together on those days anywaysback to momshe was my world my support she made the best of every bad situation and was always there after having a nervous breakdown at mid 30s she struggled with bipolar disorder and alcoholism for 18 years then git sober good medication regiment divorced stepdad got a great boyfriend diagnosed with ovarian cancer stage 3b may 2011 she died 1 month after my wedding 10111 of cancer ive been with my wife 6 years married 15 years total this year we have 2 sons 4 and 1 yo we have struggled with through my substance abuse 3 miscarriages money problems and more jobs than i can recall i cant hold a job used to be able to for a few years at a time but now i work about 5 to 7 a year just lost the best job ive ever had construction and was simply told it wasnt a good fit we have title loans payday advances credit cards past due on all bills all because i cant manage a job i just cant do it just cant i am 36 years old have been surpassed by all my peers careerwisei am tired man like just bone weary of letting people down and coming up short as a provider the amount of resentment my wife has for me is staggering and i understand her position perfectly this job was my last chance this was it tonight was gonna be the night i know she and my boys would be fine her parents are incredibly well off but from humble beginnings salt o the earth types who have always treated me well my youngest asleep i lay with my oldest in my bed wife on her side with him in the middle a literal ocean of time and distance between us and was telling him bedtime stories we talked about heaven and how nice it will be to be there one day it was a nice moment a memory to take and i was readybeneath us is the garage where i have ready my car a length of hose duct tape a pvc step down adapter homemade for the tailpipe note written and last will made short considering all items ive owned worth anything are long gone the reason you are reading this now is because of something he saidafter the last story i kissed his forehead said you are the best parts of me you are my favorite person and you are a good son he said i know daddyi ama good boyi amgood at school i listen to my teacher you are my best friend and you will teach me to grow up right those last 9 words fucking gutted me i literally sat on the steps in the hall shaking and sobbing so loud and hyperventilating i ran outside so as not to wake anyone that uncertainty of how his life will turn out is my greatest source of turmoil i think he will be better without me but what if what if my wife gets with an abusive asshole and this chain comes full circle i was ready man tonight was it i have given it all i got there is nothing more its broken and lost and i amok with that but i have to goand tonight if only for tonight my son pushed me back ,1
tonight might be my last all i do is hurt people the people i care about ive always been like this and now i have nobody a mean step mom who doesnt let me do anything social i hate my life and i just want to die everyone would be better off with me gone i just want to end it and i dont know how i should i will probably drink bleach but idk yet,1
going to cut my wrists life is nothing but drowning in agony for me i have been suffering from severe depression and ocd my entire life in a third world country and have been the biggest target of school violence and bullying that i knownothing has gotten better not in the past 3 years nor ever now i am among the worst students in my classroom my mind barely functions because of the pain and boredom from braindead shameless subjects that havent helped anyone other than in showing off and making others miserable that they dont know the pointless stuff that that person knowsi am completely slow clumsy and incompetent at least as compared to everyone else in my high school which is one of the hardest in the countryits infinitely easier to be cruel than to give the slightest bit of empathy especially when a moron professor makes you the only one with an f in class right off the bat because you didnt show up one day how sickening absolutely revolting and yet not even close to the atrocities that i live through in every school year not even including my extreme social awkwardnessi cant go on i am required to spend at least 7 hours a day studying or else i will be kicked out of school when i can barely spend 2 hours and that is just in the second year of high schoolmy mind can barely function because of the pain i cant focus on anything so much is expected of me for no reason and with 0 empathy or understanding whatsoever,1
the only thing keeping me alive is the fact that i dont want my mom and dad to go through having a dead kid and thinking that they failed me please let them know exactly that,1
i just need someone to know what ive been through i dont want it on my suicide note though so here it isi ama 22 year old female and i feel like giving up here are my issuesmy dad who was my life died suddenly on thanksgivingbecause of this we got evicted from my childhood homewe could no longer afford to send me to the college of my dreams but my mom opened up a bunch of credit cards in my name and made me believe i was going back to school next semester so i had to scramble to find a school that would take me my credit is ruinedi attempted suicide to be with my dad againafter the suicide attempt i was diagnosed with paranoid schizophreniai lost my pilots license due to schizophrenia and not being able to pass the medical anymoremy mom stole all my money for drugs my mom is pregnant and refuses to go see a doctor or anything and i amworried about my future siblingi failed a class and had to switch majorsi finally got into the program of my dreams only to get in a wreck and be taken to jail on count of dui the only good news is this case was dropped once they proved that i was not intoxicated while driving however i got kicked out of my program until the case was resolved then i went to re apply for the program but it was already full even though i tried on the first daythe car accident mentioned above knocked out 6 of my front teethi am22 and i have denturesat my old job the manager spent the entire time berating me and accusing me of lying and threatening mei feel likei amleaving stuff out but thats the main point thanks for listening i dont want this stuff on my suicide note because i dont want anybody to feel guilt i know they will anyway but all in all its best if i just quit now,1
i just feel defeated sometimes i dont know how to respond anymorei amsadand i know i need to workbut i feel like my life is worthless and everything else i want to live but at the same time i want to quickly escape i want to sleep forever or bleed untili amdry i want others to livei just dont want to have to put any more effort in ,1
33 and deeply suicidal soi am33 and for easily the past 15 years ive seen no worth in getting up in the morning i started fantasizing about killing myself when i was ten years old id walk around the elementary school where my mom works and imagine people finding me in different closets or alcoves i was home schooled and didnt have any friends for most of my teenage life between the ages of 15 and 23 i literally didnt see anyone of my own age for months on end i felt incredibly isolated lost scared and worthless i thought of suicide every day in the past 23 years ive been in tons of therapy programs and have tried incredibly hard to grow myself as a person ive tried to grow and learn to make friends every step of the way has been a struggle i had to practice making eye contact then practice shaking hands then practice hugging etc i didnt have my first girlfriend until i was 27 my first job until i was 28 or get my drivers license until i was 29 ive never had sex or even done much beyond kissing with a girli amafraid because i dont know whati am doing i grew up around women and i am afraid of disappointing them or making them feel pressured or uncomfortable the womeni amdrawn to are almost always conservative sexually but eventually i know i have to be capable of living up to their expectations when youre in your thirties thats intimidating last year i fell in love with a women i worked with i quit my job to be with her we dated for six months and she broke up with me because i lost my jobi am still jobless almost three months later i was in a car accident and have no car i have rheumatoid arthritis and cant afford my medicine so its hard for me to walk or do any exercise my girlfriend and i planned for a summer filled with trips and time together and instead i spent my summer alone bedridden broke heartbroken and desperate nothing makes me happy and i have no one who loves me or wants to truly be with me ive been in a combined 9 months of romantic relationships over the course of my entire life and both women left me and broke my heart i have a masters degree but can never find a job that pays me a living wagei am in constant pain and my every waking moment is consumed by missing what ive lost i feel like a hollow immaterial thing likei am already lost and exist in remnants only likei amlight and insignificant enough to float away without detection i genuinely feel like theres no point in going on ive tried to kill myself twice before with the most recent time being this time last year that time i ended up in the hospital and almost passed away in each situation i felt overwhelmed to the point of panic suicide felt like something that was a solution to temporary lack of reason now i have a very logical almost calming belief that theres really no point to going on its like the thought of quitting a bad job or anticipating the end of a bad experience i intellectually believe that life at least the one i have is not worth living i miss my girlfriend desperately i gave up everything for her she had issues too and i gave everything i could to trying to help her understand her and be there for her even though it sometimes resulted in me feeling hurt overlooked and ignored i believed in her beyond any of her issues but she didnt even believe in me beyond my current employment options i cant do any better and i cant do any more every day when i go to sleep i plan to end my life the next day its the most encouraging thought i have as i drift off i just needed to share ,1
rant i want to die ive wanted to die for years i have nothing to give and no one to share anything with i want to die and i want others to feel it ive romanticized my deathi am a corpse shuffling about within this husk lies a still flickering passion for life and a want for love and understanding but ive died i dont believe in myself and i dont believe in others either end rant,1
lonely whats the point in living when i will always be alone ive never had a friend not onei am20 my loneliness has had me depressed since i was 11 all i crave is love and friendship my family doesnt even know me no one cares to ask about me everyone just seems to want to talk about themselves so i just stopped talking about myself completely for years for example i play a few instruments and they dont even knowi aminto music at all the thought of having someone else beside me or just to hang out just seems so good to be true no one will ever come to see me because they actually like me and care to see me i even changed my looks dramatically to try and attract more people lost a ton of weight got fit got teeth straightened and whitened started wearing makeup made myself good looking no one cares i try my best to smile most of the time and make eye contact with people which was very hard for me because i have severe social anxiety no one cares my dog is the only one who seems genuinely happy to see me every single day hes my best friend my only friend no one will ever show me the unconditional love hes shown me but it isnt enough i am always alone no one to share my thoughts with but myself i feel likei ama prisoner in solitary confinement i have a very strong urge to kill my self like tonight i know its an impulsive decision but its very strong i will never feel that love or connection with anyone there is no point in living life alone ,1
suicidal and need to express this i have my reasons i want to die believe me the reasons are sufficient i dont want to talk about it because thinking or talking about the specifics makes me feel worse i have chronic i willnesses along with a host of other problems with my life circumstances there is no hope for a better future my parents dont understand how difficult it is for me to live i tell them but they tell me maybe a miracle will make me better i know this is not possible but they are in denial and insist god will help me of course this is ridiculous i want to die but i cant think of a reliable wayi am so scared of failing and being in a situation where i cant even make an attempt again i just needed to let this out thanks for reading anyone out there i wish the world was a fair and just place with a god etc like my parents think it is i know better,1
tonight is the night i need a way to let my family know without hurting them i just have no will to live anymore ive lost everything i cant go on suffering like a gaping wound i plan to have a accident tonight at least the life insurance will be left behind i need a way to let my family know i love them i know it will hurt them but it wont be forever i want them to know that my suffering is over and that i will be happy wherever i go on to next i know i will be happy should i leave a video i want them knowi amhappy with my choice a note wont sum it up ,1
had enough of this life and i amjust done with it killing myself is only hard because i know my mother will be devastated but i cant take it anymore everything is shit and i feel empty and emotionless yeah so thats all,1
amlost and empty and sad and i dont know where to turn i need hope the void is growing bigger it used to hit in waves but now it s always there ever present and unrelenting it pulls me towards the emptiness like a flame draws a moth the emptiness the knowledge that nothing lasts forever used to give me hope hope was all that i had to keep me going this can t last forever right nothing can but that s not where i stand today today i stand at the precipice the edge of the cliff but the urge to jump isn t from l appel du vide it s from deeper inside than that the void it pushes me to the brink and tries to nudge me that last little bit hope held it back hope was my mighty defender my protector my savior from the void but hope can t last forever either nothing can hope is dead and i m left to fight the void by myself i did it once before fueling my battle with the rage of a berserker a furious vengeance behind every strike and blow but i m not angry this time i m nothing i m cold and empty and i feel like the void has already won i see the emptiness and i think it can be the end of my struggle peace what does that even mean it s even foreign to me as an intellectual concept it s not something i have any experience with so i wonder if it s even real it sounds like it would be fun to try to wake up without the void pulling at my brain for my heart not to ache with every beat 34 years now i ve walked this earth and for 34 years i ve felt lost among it always searching for my place my home i thought i found it several times along the way but that couldn t last forever right nothing can people grow and change and the sad truth is they always grow away from me no one has ever grown towards me perhaps that s the greatest tragedy in life the ability to make such deeply rooted connections to others only to watch as they eventually decay into nothingness emptiness there s that call again and i feel the prodding finger of the void and the callous whisper at my ear a moonlit serenade performed just for me and offering the seduction of every promise and wish i have fullfilled peace serenity but could it last forever nothing can perhaps if i look hard enough i can find some hope laying around discarded from a mind weaker than my own that gave in on this very precipice in days lost to time perhaps this bit of hope can connect with me and maybe something can grow towards me and away from everyone else we could work together as protectors and defenders of each other twoway saviors working handinhand to battle the void back and maybe it would last forever oh wait _ nothing can,1
feeling reckless and suicidal do i slit my wrists or overdose neither will work properly becausei ama pathetic little shit but i dont care anymore i will just try again tomorrow why,1
amfeeling hopeless i dont really know how i ended up here but i think i needed to find this basically ive been depressed for a very long time since i was a kid i felt sad all the time my dad left when i was young and hes a bit of a dead beat so i never really see him and hes never been a part of my life my mom started drinking to cope with losing him and the father of my half siblings her husband who skipped the country and never came back the drinking got pretty bad and increasingly worse since i was bullied throughout primary school and some of secondary although the person who led it ended up becoming my best friend and had one of the most impressive and genuine character development ive ever seen i got attacked by a guy when i was 14 he slapped my ass so hard that it left a bruise pinned me down and felt me up he tried to get us to play hide and seek hed taken my phone so i couldnt contact anyone and it was only recently that i realised he was trying to get me alone and i dont want to think about what for anyway i refused which resulted in him bashing my head against a lamp post ever since then ive had horrible anxiety and my depression got a lot worse after my first break up when i was fifteen i started taking drugs to cope because i felt like everyone had let me down being so depressed caused me to lose a lot of my friends ecstasy was my drug of choice but after a year i just stopped because it wasnt making me happy and thats all i really wanted i started hurting myself too which lasted a bit longer i stopped going to school too ended up leaving in my last year i lost interest in everything i used to love when i was a kid i used to cope by reading it was something that took me to a different place when my mom drank herself into oblivion and gave me an excuse not to think about putting her to bed after shed passed out on the toilet or on the kitchen table i left home when i was 16 i moved in with my sister and my mom tried to take her own life because of what i did so i moved back home and thats where ive been since terrified to leave in case she hurts herself no future in sight i have nothing i want to do nothing to aspire to the idea of living the rest of my life stuck in a shitty job feeling the way i feel is overwhelming ive been getting help on and off since i was fifteen and ive been steadily going for a year and everything seemed like it was looking up but its not i have crippling self esteem issues horrible anxiety and no will to livei amthe closest ive ever been to taking my own lifei ammore serious about it than ive ever been i tried to get anti depressants from my doctor today kind of a last ditch effort to be happy but i guess she didnt believe me so yeah i thinki am going to take my own life by the way this whole subreddits concept is really sweeti amhappy i found it,1
i have no friends no family and no one who cares about mei amliving the dream because i can kill myself without hurting anyone i tied up a rope 5 minutes ago but the realisation thati amabout to die without hurting another human was like the old feeling of excitement and anticipation i havent felt for many many yearsim finally dying ,1
should i tell my family so i kinda tried to kill myself well i wrapped a noose around my bedpost because my fan was too close to my bed so i sat in my bedside with the noose around my neck and slowly slid down when it tightened i felt numb i wanted to die but i had my doubts my vision was blurry and the numbing spread further and it was more intense i felt sick to my stomach and my doubts hit me i got up weakly and slowly keep in my mind my feat were touching the ground i was just sliding down allowing it to strangle me so should i tell my familyi amafraid to i hate myself and for the most part always have even when i was a little kidi am13 now and my brothers just make fun of me for being vegetarian and wanting to go vegan they make fun of my beliefs and my mental i willnesses depression and anxiety they call me gay veggie boy retarded etc my dad just tells me to manup but they know ive always been the sensitive one so should i tell them that i hung myself i mostly did it because of who i am but also because of them sorry for the long post and thank you if you read it all ,1
losing my mind please make it stop i cant believe how low ive fallen cannot sleep from self hatred i just applied for a leave of absence from university and feel awful and want to throw up not because of bad grades but fear of wasting time and tuition money this life is so humiliating i cant stand it i had to promise my family not to harm myself but i honestly wish someone killed mei am so sorry i never wanted things to go wrong i dont thinki amever going to recover please someone just kill me,1
drinking habits i noticed that my drinking pattern has changed i noticed somewhat a half a year ago that i became more and more destructive by drinking more than i could handlewith this i became more prone to want to drink more especially when i felt bad and depressed2 times i remember drinking to then take my life but ended up passing out instead i dont think others have noticed since i often drink alone which is good though when i drink socially people often ask ifi amok and i respond with thati amjust tired i try to not drink but theres a strong pull towards it because i want to numb whateveri amfeeling and thinking,1
send me sad suicide stories could be personal attempts something you witnessed or a story of somebody close to you and the aftereffects anything to remind me that this isnt an appropriate solution,1
17 and at the end of my rope hi my name is austin i m 17 and for many years i ve hated my life i ve had this crazy plan since i was like 8 and by the time i hit 10 i was practicing it and going through with it my plan was that i would write a single page every day in a journal on my computer nothing much just a paragraph or two a day until i was 18 then i would decide if life was worth living these pages are summary s of my day to day activities and in the top right corner there would be to check marks to check one good and one bad well i ve been doing this daily ritual since i was 10 transferring up the hard drive in my computer over and over as i upgraded and meticulously backing it up over and over recently over the last 1011 months my life has token a rough turn i guess i ve discovered that many of my friends have been very good at hiding how fake they are and then using my caring heart about other against me and many other little aspects in my life have spiraled out of control i slowly more and more find my self thinking about suicided i find comfort in the notion of it strangely some times the thought of it really allows me to breath and feel like i m in control side note i am a control freak that overthinks many things i ve been in depression for many year and i have thought about killing my self and just ending it many times i ve even had multiple occasions where i was stuck in my small prison cell size room with a gun to my head and just never could do it because i m bound to a date i can t kill my self until my 18 birthday that s when i ll sit down in my room and read every single page in this journal that i have ever wrote and i will assess the ratings on all of them and mark the tally s down at that point i will decide if i want to live or not my only fear is about this is i ve had depression in my life for so long that i think if i survive this ultimatum that i assigned my self i will never ever escape depression it s always going to be there in the back of my head just running around and around i feel like i m never going to escape,1
an update from the other side of hell yes it has been numerous bouts ups and downs bad and worse you know whati amsaying of all people i dont have to explain it to you odds are that youre in it right now welli am not and nothats not me gloating or attempting to make you feel worse its obviously the opposite i was you i still am but with this indescribable reprieve from a desire to immediately end my life it fucking happenedi am not promised tomorrow but today i dont want to diefor the first time in over 20 years as i got older it did get a little better there were things in these last 20 years thati amam so grateful for and appreciative ofand no i will not say it will get better for you but the point is it might every minute of every day decisions are being made all around you that will directly effect your life one of those decisions could be a spark that leads to that burning desire to stay alive you can disagree with me all you want but its just a fact i swear to you there is a chance and a chance is hope and hope you know how unbelievably good some hope can feelthis is me now talking to the me from 11 months ago and maybe that me is you now as well keep fighting you are very likely capable of more than you can ever imagine im,1
this is the last dayi amalive ama planning on opening up my wrists and arms and hopefully bleed to death,1
my friend is cutting and saying hes going to be gone soon i usually know what to do in these situations to help somebody but in his case i dont know what to do he suddenly started cutting and told me about his problems just a few weeks ago ive known this person for like 5 years and i amscared to lose him _,1
death sounds pretty nice to me 25m suicide or rather death is nice dream to me i guess since i grew up going to a christian school the whole notion of dust to dust ashes to ashes seems like somewhat of a cathartic experience ya know full circle type of shit i can t say i ve lived a hard or troubled life i never went without or experienced struggle the likes that a great majority have i went to a good school got good grades had plenty of extracurriculars and got into a great college on scholarship which i proceeded to flunk out of because i never showed up to class the problem is or rather my problem is that i ve never given a shit about anything in life ever that last sentence isn t entirely true i guess if i have to put it into words my life s goal has never been to improve or change anything or anyone s life it s been to be a net zero it was always easier to do well because no one would hassle me i like the easy way out even if it means a little bit of workweird rationalization i know i want to fade into nothingness i don t want to be remembered i don t want any trace of my life to ever exist at this point in my life i d rather be dead than to drag those around me down with my carefree wanton lifestyle because it s probably depressing for others to watch my life implode by my own hand to those wondering about mental health shit i m not depressed i kind of have an awesome life i do have schizophrenia or rather i was diagnosed with it though i haven t taken medication in over 8 months as i ve had no signs or inklings of it schizophrenia was freaky at first and to be honest i flipped the fuck out straight 5150 status but once i understood what was going on in my head the shit was easy to rationalize compartmentalize and control aside from some legal trouble ie alcohol related due to poor impulse control because yea i want to die my life is pretty dope life seems like a colossal waste of time that only drudges on to make me feel even worse about the shit i ve done the people i ve disappointed and the relationships i ve ruined via utter apathy maybe this isn t the right place to express my feelings but as much as i would love to commit suicide it s too much work for nothing i gain nothing by killing myself other than reliving the burden that being part of a society entails call me greedy selfish shortsighted or whatever you want but life has no meaning to me aside from suffering we all will die someday unless there are cyborgs so what s wrong with speeding the hands of father time up a bit i m but one drop in the bucket out of over six billion who cares life is cruel sadistic joke i guess the greeks had it right about sisyphus i don t know whether it s right to continue living a tortured existence where i m only bound to cause more long term hurt to those around me or in one swift action cause immediate pain that will subside over time i feel like a cancer to those around me i m at an impasse somewhat wishing i was standing on an overpass except knowing my luck i d land on a prius,1
why do people have so much better lives its quite unpleasant to see all these people having far better lives i almost wish i could be like them main issue with me is my physical appearance its always been wont go indepth ive talked about the damn issue so many times before basically i see myself in the mirror i want to die i saw myself in the mirror today and surprise surprise i want to die so i go browsing the web i find all these goodlooking people doing what goodlooking people do talking about being goodlooking and how they pity the ugly how life must be impossible for them theyre right its impossible i personally really cant take it much longer odd thing is i dont even feel sad or depressed or anything i just feel really empty and alone with that weird pressure in my throat i know i cant do anything about my face and i know i just got unlucky for some fucking reason whole family is attractive and i guess ive sort of accepted it as a fact nowbut i accepted it in the wrong manner genuinely want to end myself just to end that feeling of emptiness and loneliness thats all that and i know my life will never be as good as the life of an average or goodlooking person so i might as well quit tryingwhy am i posting this i dont know chances arei am too cowardly to actually do it makes life even more of a trap suppose i posted it to get some insight maybe for attention whether positive or negative because i dont really get to talk about my problems too often in real life thanks for reading if you did if youre willing to talk to me despite it being completely pointless id of course be appreciative i know i should hire a shrink but i amjust a student no money for one of them,1
i m stuck sitting in a place full of triggering paraphernalia all i do every night is marinade in all the bad things that has transgressed i have no friends i have no one but my partner and partners aren t generally forever he deserves better than the mess that i am and in the endi am going to pull the trigger ori am going to hangout with a couple of trees its just a matter of whenprofessional help is far too expensive and my brain enjoys tormenting me too much to truly be functional again i think i want to be wrong i want to believe these horrible memories and feelings will eventually stay in the little lost memories file in the back of my mind any tips to cope ,1
i think i am going to kill myself 28 year old male herei dont know my father he left when i was 7 years old he was a negligent disconnected alcoholic when i was a kid my mom used to abuse me relentlessly she would beat me with belts and extension chords and punch me in the face and tell mei amstupid and burned me with cigarettes a few timesits taken me years to pay off student loan debt for a degree that is completely useless i live in poverty and just hurt my knee a month ago so now i cant even do the manual labour jobs i used to to get byeverything just seems completely hopeless i have no clue what i am doing i am totally atomised i have no family and no support i live pay check to pay check because cause of living is so high that even though i work 60 hours i week i am just barely scraping by whenever i start to get ahead something bad happens 2 months ago i had to shell out over 1000 dollars to get my car fixed i needed a new control arm plus new tires plus alignment and a tow now i need a new muffler and to pass an emission test or i cannot legally drive to work when my knee gets betteri am grinding like a mad man but shelling out for physio therapy to get my knee fixed is costing me a ton but if i dont do it then i will be laid up in bed for months and then i wont be able to work and then i wont be able to pay renti have 46 in my bank account that needs to last my the rest of the monthlife is just exhausting i work as hard as i can but i can never pull myself out of this pitim not sad or anything just hopeless not depressed just stuckthere is no escape for me ,1
amdone with life i dont want sympathy but just someone to listen to me and to give some advice today has been my worst and lowest point in life is my story worth being suicidal know that life can be beautiful but its not for me betrayed by colleagues just recently started at a company my colleagues are super nice to me and i am so naive to engage in their gossip and poured my heart out enough to tell them everything they always gossip about the boss to me telling me how psycho the boss is how much they hate her and i honestly didnt like the boss either but i thought we had mutual trust so i told her next day things turned real bad my boss told me everything i told my colleagues they have told her and worse they even said i backstabbed her while she wasnt here and that my behaviour was unacceptable if only they knew how much crap was talked about behind her back after my colleagues and i had so much laughter and secrets shared it was all fake and a lie i cant trust no one no more and i amdone family told them i was upset and am jobless and they said it was my fault and that i shouldve just kept my mouth shut and not cause trouble so much for thinking the only person i could talk to was my family but no they just had to throw some more rocks at my heart ended up breaking down and left the house no call or nothing they dont even give a crap about me money i am jobless and struggling love life i am not ugly but am a bit chubby due to being stressed and having comfort food ive lacked self image love for my whole life and hate myself every date ive been on the guys wont look beyond my looks and just want skinny girls i have told ive had a great personality but apparently men are just into hot women these days ive been single for ages and have no luck maybe theres just something wrong with mei amtotally done with life and uselessi am23 and dont know what to do as you can see my life is a mess in every aspect honest opinion should i just die ,1
am not okay i guess i just need to vent that way i dont actually end up doing anything rash not that i would act on it becausei ama pussy and i am really scared of paini amscared of what might be after death too althoughi amhoping itll be nothing so i dont have to exist anymore and feel anything at all feelings are a joke too all of mine are wasted daily on people that do not give an actual fuck about me and i cant blame them becausei ama cringey annoying and idiotic introverted virgin my family and i are pretty much strangers i feel so much remorse for being absent from my siblings lives but ive been so sick my head has been sick for years in good times and awful times ive always rubberbanded back to those feelings of dread anxiety and pain pain that shouldnt even exist pain from failed relationship after failed relationship pain from being led on and then dumped like the trash i am only to be tainted by said memories daily meanwhile my short term memory is clouded from smoking weed everyday just to feel normal abusing my friends drugs until my head feels cloudy day by day night by night i feel truly alone in every aspect and as much as i deserve to be i just want this pain to end i want everything to stop ,1
22 and feel like a husk of a person see no reason to go on i just cant do it i dont know how other people do it ive had a piss easy life and i still cant fucking do it ive been set up for success at every turn and ive failed every god damn one i shouldnt have been borni dont care about anything i dont care about what i eat where i live what i do the idea that people actively choose where to go for fun and pick what to eat is mind boggling theres not a waking momenti am not a bitter fuck i have no passion for anything for anyone its been like this since middle schoolive tried just about every legal drug for depression to no effecti amdiagnosed gad ocd probable aspergers severe hypochondriac thousands in hospital bills for nothing just the anxiety of having i willnesses and countless tests i dropped out of community college becausei ama lazy piece of shit i never made any friends in highschool i got my first retail job a year ago and i hate it i dont hate working i hate how i cant function i cant process information like other people process iti amalways confused and cant seem to grasp things that come naturally to everyone else i feel like a god damn alien in human skin climate change depresses me daily and i amethically opposed to my job which is just stocking thousands of boxes of plastic shit from a chinese industrial hellhole every moment driving my car and releasing fumes makes me hate myself but i have to survive i guessoh and alsoi ama virgin kissless and have never held an actual conversation with someonei amattracted toi am so god damn lonely but i dont expect romance in facti am so far removed from having an so its more hilarious than anything and the real kicker i think i have mild gender dysphoria which i realized last year it doesnt matter thoughi am62 and built like a fridge and would be visibly trans my entire life it gets worse with age anyways so i cant see myself being alive 10 years from now either way i dont know what happened people would kill to have been born in my position i feel likei amjust prolonging my suffering for no good reason there are people with chronic conditions who still enjoy living inspite of pain and yet here i am completely averse to life itself,1
lost and willing to die ive had anxiety disorder since i was about 12 recently things have become much worse i got depressed and had many problems in my life related and caused by my mental i willness i lost my love she was the only person who could understand me but the state i was in managed to destroy that i also feel different from everyone around me and this has been going on since i can remember i feel like most people at least have someone to talk to someone to trust i dont i have always struggled with some sort of loneliness differentness and thought about death now i seriously consider it i am here to ask anyone of you how to survive and to to feel understood,1
doing it next week either by painkillers or jumping before a train my life sucks because i am lowgifted autistic with no future,1
am so sorry i need help my boyfriend said i should lose weight and i know i should its just thati amcurrently battling depression and i was just starting to feel better i loved myself please help i experience bipolar this wayhighs and lowsalways feeling better or worse with some stability in between lots of body types out there and not all are always controllable or for the reason society judges i think you should start to work out so that you can tap into some natural endorphins find a workout or sport you have fun doing and it will be even more effective,1
not ready to take more damage life for me has not been easy yeah i realize that everyone has hardships and more bad than good but the accumulation has broke me i will be clear if i commit suicide youll never read a post asking for help from me it will just be done and over death doesnt frightening me i just feeli am still have a chance to give the world something positive with that being said i want to share a brief summary of my life so some of you might not repeat my mistakes or at least realize your actions have reactions when i was young i had such a fire in me for life i was happy and full of opportunity through things such as group beatings molestation and being general used as human toilet paper i lost my fire by the time i was a teenager i started using drugs it gave me an escape and friends even though i was developing substance abuse problems i also lived weight lifting and became a national powerlifting champion and had a beautiful girlfriend early in my twenties i lost my girlfriend and wrecked a car i was put on pain killers and around the same time had started selling volume amounts of weed and cocaine pain killers became my everything and my business dealings allowed me a unimaginable habit eventually my habit over took all and i couldnt keep my professional life together i lost my connections and my morals one by one all my so called friends were gone along with my money but my habit persisted eventually what was left of me was a needle junkie living for the high and doing anything to get it time kept moving and the hamster wheel kept spinning then i had kids and decided i wanted to change so i got into a methadone clinic and cleaned up i did fairly well most if the time but never really lost my desire to use about a month and a half ago i had a succession if bad shit happen to me in rapid order so i decided to run back to my old friend except this time on the trip back i must have fallen asleep and head on hit a 73 year old grandmothers car killing her instantlynow i have to deal with two massively broke legs a heart ready to burst with grief and sadness and the knowledge i will soon be leaving my family for prison and to tell you the truth i dont know if i will go on that trip i really hope that if some young people read this shortened simplified account of my life they may realize that what there dealing with isnt that bad and to hold on also i want people to realize just how life altering a decision to use drugs can be and how much of a monster opiates arethank you for reading and god bless,1
i am just so tired 5 years thats how long i have been exhibiting strange symptoms that have been diagnosed as mutriple different things lupus lyme disease fibromyalgia crohns different auto immune deficiencies it always changes every time i see a new doctor i just fall deeper and deeper into my depression and my anxiety has become so bad that i can only leave my house if i am the one in complete control of when we go and when we leave my poor husband is at his breaking point he wont tell me out right but his demeanor had changed drastically over the last few months to the point where its difficult to look at him and not see that look that says youre fucking crazy i dont know how much longer i can deal with it all i know its the depression and my health issues pushing me to leave this world its becoming increasingly harder to quiet those voices telling me how much better off my husband and kids would be if i were gone i dont know what else to do i am just so unbelievably tired of all of it and how easy it would be to make it all stop i no longer have friends which is understandable but it also means that i have no one telling me how selfish i am for wanting to just die all i know is i cant go much longer and am getting things in order to make things simple once its over 30 years is long enough for me,1
unemployed and might have my degree revoked i am being accused of cheating to get my degree and the college may try and take it away i am currently unemployed and even an investigation would mean i would have to tell employers i am being investigated and i will not get a job my relationship is suffering and soon i will run out of money and have to move home i feel completely overwhelmed i sometimes struggle with my state of mind in the best of times and this feels like too much to handle,1
mental health worker for 12 yearsmight need some help myself ive worked with youth and adults for years big part of my job was offering suicide prevention resources i hoped i never needed it myself but right now i might for tonight no plan no intention i just know how these things start enough to know i wont log on here wheni amready just trying to make sure i do what i can chat lines are full not sure where else to go or do nothings happening tonight so please help other folks if its more urgent,1
third attempt in a year hi swi am21 from txusa 3 days ago i tried to overdose on sleeping meds and alcoholi was heavily intoxicated when i made my attempt and had been in an argument with a friend which was a recipe for disasteri knew the combination i took would not kill me but i intended to die from the overdose so the intention was there but not quite the means to be successfuli dont think i have any significant adverse effects from the overdose aside from feeling tiredi cannot seek medical attention because i may lose access to my prescription for adhd which enables me to function i am currently out of my adhd med which may be another negative effect on my moodi have been on an ssri for around 3 months and it has improved my moodhowever ive read that my antidepressant paroxetine causes a slightly increased chance of suicidal behavior in patients under 24 which may have played a role in my attempt i have had an increase in suicidal thoughts since starting paroxetinei will likely talk to my doctor about the increase in suicidal thoughts and switch to another ssrii dont know why i wrote thisi am not able to see therapist so i guess thats why i posted this just to be able to vent some emotions and thoughts,1
when i graduate high school i think i will emd myselfi am an absolute wreck i have anxiety and depression and nobody to talk to it about i dont have my drivers license or a job and people keep bugging me about it i hardly do schoolwork and usually sleep through class i cut myselfthe anxiety keeps me from going out and looking for work or starting to get my license i think id die from the pressure and i dont know how i will handle it i dont have anybody i can talk to about any of this and i feel so lonely i dont think any of my friends care about me and rightfully sowhen i graduate high school and cant live with my parents anymore and cant get up to do something and cant bear anything anymore i think i will just kill myself,1
almost done i will end my life i have accepted that inevitable event i contemplated the thought for years i looked at my past my present and my future ive considered all the variables and this decision makes the most sense i completed all my letters it took me a year to finish every word i want to say and every thought i want to convey i want to at least give them a perspective of me and what will happen to me is inevitable and my own rational choice i researched about everything on how i will do it the materials i already took a picture for my funeral the place the risks and what will happen after to the people around me and to the environment i am not afraid of death or the pain in acquiring it if i owned a gun now i would have shot it already but not until i finished giving closure and reason for my death because i want to die with few if not none questions and skeptics i want it to be a thoughtout decision because it is i deeply thought about it trying every reason to stay alive but there is no significant reason to tie me down in this world now that i am almost done with my preparations i have the biggest relief in all of my life i am satisfied with my twenty years of living i have reconciled with the feelings of regret on what i couldnt do and the guilt on what will happen after because dead or alive those feelings will always exist ,1
so freaking tired there is something terribly wrong with me i dont know what it is but i cant seem to get anything right friendships family politics my job nothing seems right and it feels likei amdrowning likei amconstantly under attack like people are out to get me and prove how worthless i really am when it comes to friendshipsi amthe one friend everyone talks to when they need something when it comes to relationships guys never pay attention to me one even said that its becausei am not pretty or interesting enoughi am tired of feeling this way ive gotten psychiatric help but i feel like its a roller coaster and i am not sure i can handle this for the rest of my life when somebody asks me howi am doing i just say fine because i feel like id be a burden to them if i tell them how i really feeli amscared about killing myself though i want to think that somebody would care but i am not sure that would be the case i guess i just need someone to listen becausei am not really sure i want to die yet ,1
i wont do iti amjust here ive told all the stories many times to anyone i care about i just have bad luck its nice of you to try to convince me otherwise and you might for just a little bit but some people just have bad lucki am too scared to do it to feel the physical pain i think about it though i try to do stuff to disract myself but its only ever distractions i just want to say somewhere thati amherei am going to bed now i have a long day tomorrow thanks for reading,1
sweating after surgery about 5 years ago i had a surgery called endoscopic thoracic sympathectomy ets this was meant to stop my palms and underarms from sweating before i had it i was told it was reversible because they were going to clip the nerve instead of cut it i wasnt told about any other side effects and i trusted the doctorssome time after the surgery i learned that many people experience what is known as compensatory sweating cs the sweating might stop in one area but now they sweat in another area it usually happens right away but sometimes it takes years before it starts i also learned that ets is irreversible even with the clips the damage to the nerves has been donefor 4 years i didnt experience any cs until this past year and it has made my life absolute hell i sweat profusely from my legs buttocks back and face i feel lied to and cheated by my doctors i wish i could go back before the surgery but now i will sweat all over my body for the rest of my life i never would have done this if i knew the risksi heard about drugs called anticholinergics which can stop the sweat but also stop other body secretions like saliva causing dry mouth and sore throat i tried those for a couple of weeks with some success but i then started to experience muscle twitches all over my body after searching i discovered muscle twitches are an unlisted side effect of anticholinergic use it has been about 4 months and i still experience almost constant muscle twitches despite stopping the meds when it started ive developed insomnia because i cant sleep due to the muscle twitchesat this point i feel like my life has been ruined and i am absolutely hopeless i cant have a normal relationship with anyone because of the stigma of being sweaty doctor here have no answer besides different anticholinergic drugs i am hesitant to try any of them at this point because i still twitch all over my body on the internet i found a doctor in taiwan that does a procedure to stop sweating specifically caused by this surgery but if i wanted to treat all of my body it would be over 100000 as someone unemployed who just finished college i cant even imagine paying for that or even finding any job at this pointive been to two psychologists and neither of them have been very helpful theyve essentially told me i have to deal with it nothing theyve said to help me cope has been of any use the second one said after explaining what happened that sucks which only made me more upseti probably would have killed myself by now if it wasnt for my parents and a slight hope something might make it tolerable i already had other bodyimage issues which have made me extremely depressed prior to cs starting ive talked to my mom about my problems and she made me promise that id keep trying to find something that helps i know if i died it would kill her as well she cares about her kids more than anything else she already suffers from depression due to her own medical problems that cause physical pain i love my mom too much to hurt her but its so difficult to keep going when nobody else understands i wish i never had this surgery doneif anyone actually took the time to read all of this thank you i appreciate it i had hoped writing down my experience and how i felt would make me feel better but i dont know if it really has,1
enough please life just stop it alreadyi am so sick of being shit on i cant keep this up i cant keep up anymore its taking everything in my power to not walk out the door and do it i have a plan and i am not afraid of it so long as he doesnt have to wake up and find my body i cant learn on him its not fair to himi cant take things at my own pace people just get mad when i try and say my needs my needs arent worth iti am not worth it one last cuddle he heads out tomorrow or during the weekend i could do it then i will figure it outi have so much emotion and i cant do anything about it trying to fix things only makes it worse i cant keep up one sleeptomorrow i can get it over withwhy am i even posting thisi dont even know maybe just so some record of this outburst exists maybe so i feel like something i say matters tonight something i feel matters at alli know its not fair hes still grievingi amsuch a selfish ass for this and for thati am sorryi amjust too weak i need to bedthis is too much,1
an interesting situation i would not consider myself to be a person at risk of suicide i recently had my life go downhill quite a bit and had quite a few stesses effecting me including some anxiety issues though i think its mild and i dont really experience panic attacks more just catastrophic thinking amongst other thingsi think id be too cowardly to actually commit suicide but when i was feeling really down i thought hard what reasons do i actually have to keep living suicide would surely make my life easierdunno i genuinely cannot answer this question to myself which surprised me at the time,1
songs on repeat i got the song on repeati amjust sitting here dark room music playingi amready i tried telling my step mom i wanted to die she laughed it off i dont judge her her step son would never kill himself i dont qant to blame anyone i thinki amjust sick i never looked for help that was my downfallim ready now grandma is coming over in 2 hours i dont want her to see anythingi am sorry i love you all i hope you see this please dont trace me with this if i dont go through with it i dont want anybody to know i had everything planned i want things to get better but that requires time i dont have that i guess,1
amon antidepressants and amphetamines and living with my grandparents because no one trusts me to be alone i am trying to make a life that is worth living and i cant i just want to not desire death all the time and i do and nothing i do can change any of thati pursue hobbies i try and find people i enjoy and spend time with them i play games i eat healthy i exercise i take my meds i read i meditate i try and do all of the healthy behaviours and hope that eventually some of it will make my life okay and it doesnt it just doesntim a fat hideous worthless boring person who no one has ever or could ever enjoy every friend ive had has hurt me or hated me and i just wish i could know why so i could fix myself and they never tell me i try not to be overbearing i dont tell people about my depressioni amopen and honest about how i spend my life and my valuesbut isolation is hell and i have no one and i dont think theres anything that can be done to live a life where suicide isnt the most palatable optionplease help me i dont know what to do,1
please help i dont want to feel like this anymore i feel like my friends arent even friends with me anymore feels like they dont care about me at all i havent talk to them for a few days and none of them are worried about me unlike if any other person in our friend group did that they would freak out a little i feel like ive only ever had one real friend and i rarely talk to him i have thoughts about just killing myself dailyi amscared that i might do it i dont have the motivation to do anything anymore ive stopped doing homework i dont really like anything anymore i just want school to be done with so i can just actually fucking sleep thats the only thing i like anymore is sleep i really wish i didnt exist please help i dont want to feel like this anymorei amjust tired of life doesnt help my mum thinks that this is normal and since she has depression she thinks that since she can deal with it i can too,1
what should i write on the rooms door so that they do what they shouldi am going to commit suicide using helium whats the best way to write something so staffs calls the cops instead of entering the room i dont want anyone to be traumatizednot here to contemplate,1
i have been feeling sad i have been feeling sad lately am 13 years old school really stress me out i have trouble coping with exceptions for my classes am going into grade 9 and am really not feeling it i just could hang myself i mean whats the point its not like gonna be missed i have barely any friends and everyone hates me,1
is it considered suicide i have a friend who is really depressed she has a genetic disease that is basically a ticking time bomb she just wants to let the disease the course because she doesnt have the heart to do it herself ive been trying to talk her into going back to the doctor and trying to manage her disease but she wont listen i want to help her she has three kids and shes basically setting herself up to die sooner ,1
alone depressed no control everything in my life is awful and i just want the pain of existing to stop no matter what everyone thinksi amstupid no one cares about me every one is too busy to put up with me so i want to end it all so i can stop bothering everyonenothing helpsi ampoor i cant afford helpi am not religious and dont believe any of it basicallyi amsick of people telling me it gets better because it totally doesnt ive tried getting friends or girls to like me but they all give up on me becausei am an uninteresting piece of shit i want to die so bad theres no place for me in this worldi amafraid of suicide but i almost hate living more nothing good has happened to me within months,1
i need things to be better now ive been suffering for ten years my life is absolute shit no matter what i doi ambroken down by it i cant try any more i need a miracle for some good thing to happen to me but it never does ,1
its starting to get bad again been a few months and i amstarting to feel that way again i dont wanna go back to the hospital but damn this is hard,1
amlonely also basically just a rant about my fucked up life its my senior year of high school my boyfriend of a year and i just broke up my best friend since the second grade hardly hangs out with me anymore i feel like an outsider in all my classes nobody gets mei kinda just wish i would die i know this all sounds super petty and like a typical teen but its really how i feel the only reasoni amstaying here is because of my baby niece and my parents i love them but that doesnt mean i dont consider running my car off the road on the way to school some daysmy recent ex said that i dont have depression anxiety adhd or aspergers despite the fact that i was diagnosed with every single one and have struggled with them my entire life he saysi ammaking excuses for my problems he told me i need to grow up what i wanna know is why the fuck he thinks he knows me better than doctors or even i know myself who are you to say that its all fake have you fucking tied a noose and put it around your neck just to see if you had the guts to actually do it have you been in my head wheni am going through an episode because its fucking hell and you have no right to judge i thought i finally found someone i could trust who wouldnt judge me i was wrong how the fuck could he see the scars on my legs and say its all just in my head how the fuck could he see me break down in tears out of nowhere and say its all just a lie do you know fucking everything i think not so how fucking dare you mock my pain in such a wayi am so goddamn angryi hate both love and life itself right now i dont want to be alive id be okay if i fell asleep right now and never woke up life is just a meaningless struggle that i have been forced into my heart is filled with pain and frustration i must stay to be here for my precious little niece my very reason for being but fuck its hard sometimes,1
theyre back anxiety depression they are back and worse than before though it feels as if they are the only ones with meits getting bad ive stopped eating have been quiet my thoughts are racing i cant handle this anymore ,1
three sleeping pills should do the job goodnight everyone sadly i will be waking up in eight hours,1
hm i just dont understand why my body is constantly suicidalt just seems to be a default at this point like even if i feel content once the distractions fade and i relax i am suddenly ready to die,1
goodnight its a goodnight for me forever bye world let these bits of information saved as text be the last of my marks left on earth bye,1
i am just done and i cant take this anymore i am just going to write exactly what i am feeling and whatever i want to write i ve honestly never felt so hopeless and lost in my life ive never hit this low of a point last night i was using my phone before bed and my touchscreen stopped working and no matter what i tried to do nothing made it seem to work i remember just losing it last night and i started sobbing this sounds really mild ,1
i gonna try and end it again its a long story i will start from the beginningwhen we started dating it happened really fast the second date she had me stay over at her place and we were making out and naked things were getting hot i went to make a move i was hard she said no its too soon and we dont have a label on the relation ship i didnt mind being blue balled but she said no few dates later we put a label a couple weeks later she goes to visit family for a month before she goes we go to have sex thats when it didnt work my dick didnt get hard i was devistated she did nothing to try and help arouse me basicly said what ever later then night i went to try and do stuff with her again she said no pushing me away i felt extremely rejected i felt sooo defective like i was broken anyway she gets back from her trip and doesnt want to do anything with me cause shes on her period augest was a bad month for me a lot of stuff was causing me serious stress i suffer from depression which only made things worse one night she rejected my efforts yet again i felt the world falling beneath me it wasnt just her rejection it was my families financial problems my 2 best friends moving away her constant rejection and me feeling like the pathetic 22 year old virgin that i am i attempted suicide she didnt know but on her birthday she found out i was with her and she asked me about it i denied it then she just walked up and left a day later she broke up with me saying an old flame msged her and she wants to try with him a week later we go to talk and she wants to be more then friend but not a couple i heart broken say yes worst yes of my life she starts telling me about guys shes seeing and i cant bring my self to say stop shes only been with 2 other guys this one guy devon she said she was in love with him still ps he is the only one thats fucked her good he only uses her for sex and she tells me about how she doesnt want to be one of the other girls that says they love him because that happens to devon a lot he need loves them back but hey shes in love with him i find out she fucked him during the time we were dating before we had a label and shortly after we broke upi amfuming now she keeps telling me about how much she likes me and gets cuddle with me and uses me as emotional support so we talk and agree to have sec again i want to do it to try and redeem my self worse night of my lifei ampretty much suicidal right now btw remember how she didnt want to have sex in the beginning because we didnt have a label on the relationship god i am a fucking moroni am not hung up on her spacificly but rather my pathetic love life ,1
just an empty rant its been five months and on the outside i look like i finally have it togetheri am not homeless anymore i volunteer i go to disabled people groups for people like me with chronic pain and mobility issuesi amgetting a therapy animal i work on two different therapy tactics to gain control over my various disorders yet i truly died early january i broke over and over i went into psychotic episodes i lost reality i lost my home after a pretty bad chain reaction break up so cheating finding out i was pregnant a miscarriage having to leave the property we hadhim taking all the furniturea personi am still in love with and a healthy body combined with a lot of mind games lies and constant pressure from other people that just kept pushing me over the edgei amjust a difficult worthless and unlovable person i developed pneumonia twice various viral infections a womb thats damaged and my chronic pain got worse i had many trips to the hospital during my five months homelessness i got briefly stalked and attacked by a man in a night shelter i was staying at i began ignoring my pain level and forcing myself out everyday i couldnt sleep i couldnt eat i refused my medications i was constantly anxious and having panic attacks daily i got addicted to sleeping pills for a while if anything just not to remember and just not have to face reality i got my home two months ago i saved every penny i had during my homeless time and bought new furniture decorated a disability bed etc and have disability functions installed within so i dont get so tired yet for the life of me i still wake up everyday empty cold wishing i was dead wishing i did die i stopped speaking my friends and siblings only wanted a house to use money to borrow a hotel with free wifi forever showing up uninvited triggering ptsd and anxiety with constant knocking multiple times a day despite my protests of not wanting anyone near me or telling themi amout or not answering the door they didnt care no one cared or checked in if i went off the radar for weeks unless i could do them favours i run but nothing stops it nothing eases the memories or the pain or the ache you feel when someone you loved isnt there anymore how you miss them so badly your teeth ache your chest hurts your head replays all the best and the worst parts in your head knowing youre not good enough for the world for friendships for life for family that only check in to borrow money knowing it was all your fault youre the toxic ugly evil person and no amount of remorse or guilt you feel can fix it i forced myself to change and be healthy but i amjust an empty shell a damaged doll with an expiry date i tried to do good with false hope itd eventually get better but nothing changes how it feels nothing is going to make people care or my dad to love me or for people to come back to notice and miss me if i disappearim already a ghost i just wish i had the courage to finally end it,1
i am quitting once i fail to meet the training standards this is enough as i move closer to finishing my requirements for work i am having second thoughts i was just forced by my parents to work threatened and made sure that i do it by having me watched they told everyone that finally i have a job because it was with my own decision but never told that to make me move they had me threatened i am already willing to go back to school but was given excuses like there is no more money imagine the shock i got when i found out they bought gold and watches and trying to fix what they had ruined i have been fooled ,1
am so done please help me i am 20 i cant tell much about my personal life however all i would say is that i have this particular issue that my family and some people mock me for they dont understand it it has been causing me a lot of depression for long i am now also in a relationship but my family wouldnt approve of it it may get to the point that they would literally create lots of arguments for me my sibling also had certain issue and moved far away to europe to get away from my family because they were causing her hell she tried explaining them but they wouldnt listen and would just laugh at her to the point she decided to sort of screw them and make her own choices since i am young i dont have to take any step for my relationship just yet but later on i may need to and just the thought about that stresses me my family thinks they are doing right in their own way and are trying to protect us while i was away to canada for university i got disconnected from them to the point that i was willing to stand up for myself for what i believe in and also i sort of started hating them for dividing the family so much however whenever i go back home to france my family show me so much love that i end up feeling guilty for everything i feel think believe etc for summer vacation i stayed with my family for 3 months back home and i got so connected that i feel soo depressed they seriously do a lot for me its just that they think what they are doing is right and no amount of argument or discussion is going to change their mind believe me i tried i was pretty much a family oriented person back when i was in high school my siblings were my bestfriends as i was bullied a lot in high school i have also been sexually assaulted i loved hanging with my family more than anyone else now its so hard my depression has increased to the point that i ended up getting bad grades have headaches all the time lost interest in my partner feel tired all the time just thinking about future makes me cry and the only way i feel a little relaxed is when i think ah perhaps i will die soon also i am having lots of problems with my university professers are shit degree is risky cos people who graduated from here some of them claimed that many faced problems cos of their degree as the university isnt accredited by the canadian law rather the country the university is originally from i talked to my family about it but they dont think anything would happen and just keep telling me dont listen to others i am so fed up of explaining them literally anything that i am just done i dont wanna do it now i am so stressed about literally everything career family future etc i dont know what the hell to do i just wanna kill myself the only thing holding me back from committing suicide is the thought of hell existing and me not knowing whether god is pleased with me or not,1
cutting doesnt feel good anymore i used to cut all the way down to the white meat and i loved the pain i loved how it felt but it left really bad scarsi amconstantly thinking about slitting my wrists with just a little more pressure all of this could be over yet i cut lighter than i want and it doesnt feel the same anymore i still feel like shit afterwards no many how many times i cut maybe if i cut deeper the happiness might come back,1
please i want to commit suicidei amscared i dont want to live anymore i hate this world,1
i feel like i dont quite exist i have been feeling like ending it for quite some time i hope that this place allows me to venti am not sure how well i will be able to articulate my thoughts i am a freshman i feel like most of the timei am not quite here nobody seems to noticei amhere unless i say something first or during a lull in the conversation i say something i am not greeted unless i greet them first i will say something multiple times and no one will notice no one seems to care about me yet they seem to notice everyone else a lot of my friends are just seem to be friends because we happen to go to the same school a few days a week i dont have any other extracurricular activities except for boy scouts but everyone there is just dick to me all the boys in my grade dont click with me except maybe one the only people i trusted moved away and one of them for i all know is dead because of the hurricanes there is maybe one person i can trustwhat makes this worse of all is how i feel so useless if i were to die today other than my immediate family no one would care people might be sad in the sense that oh how sad somebody i knew in some way died yep i am sort of smart in some ways yes i have 1 friend who might be sad i havent added anything positive in anyones life the 3 things i love math politics and debate no one wants to talk about and religious or any type of debate in school even if the teacher allows it or even participates is discouraged i am an agnostic in a christian school which doesnt help either i seem only to be detriment on peoples livesi amugly no girl wants to be near me the one that i like just thinksi amstrange i can be jerk which i try to change usually i can be to smart for my own good i make jokes that no one understand and then i just feel even more disconnected its like its being dangled in front of me here are these people who are nice who you could be friends with yet they dont notice you dont care about you and dont give to flying craps what happens to you i am a feel so sad all the time like i dont want to do anything most of the time i just wish it would end or something would just change and i just disappear but i also have the feeling of can i have a 30 day trial for death as i read through this it seems petty yet there is more but it is hard to describe i cannot articulate how i feel well,1
i want to die maybe then the pain will end,1
friend is strugglingi amlost on what to do a fellow redditor recommended i post here so hey everybody hope youre all doing okayone of my closest friends has been struggling with severe depression and his bipolar not sure the exact diagnosis since his only sibling passed away last year unfortunately we both dabble with recreational drugs and lately hes been using heroin and other opiates very heavily and i believe he intentionally overdosed on tuesday hes alivei ampicking him up from the hospital tonight luckily i was there when he injected himself with a massive dose of heroin and called 911 tried to keep him conscious till ep got there and revived him with 3 or 4 doses of narcan watched my best friend slip away circle the drain turn blue and then slowly came back it was rough i cant imagine what hes feeling or going throughi talked to him this morning he seemed apathetic that he was still alive as if i made a mistake calling for help i told him if he wants to get off the dope i will help him get started at a suboxone doc i know the withdrawals cold turkey would just exacerbate his state of mindbut that doesnt address the core of whats going on i just hope i can help him get back to where he was 2 months ago he had a decent job seemed to be stable and actually happy for the first time in a long long time i know its really up to him and its his choice but i am doing whatever i can to help my friend any supportadviceanything is appreciated,1
the worst part about si military guy here long story short it isnt for me its driven me to have frequent suicidal ideation ive lost a career because if it but for nowi am still stuck in the military system i wouldnt classify myself as at risk i simply wont do that to my wife as bad as things are for me i cant imagine giving her that grief so the worst part of si no one believes me often i feel i want to do it just so people would have taken all the help ive requested seriously insteadi amcalled a malingereri amlabeled as one trying to con the systemi amtreated as a criminal for not having the will to deal with job stress anymore ive given up fighting for what i believe in and getting what i want aside for a discharge i feel likei amdowning i feel imprisoned i havent been seeing any help for the last six months since the only outcome is more restrictions on the limited freedom i have as soon as you mention suicide youre targeted for help not one of my superiors has wanted to help they just want to cover their assess in the event something happens so yeahi am not in a great place if anyone wants to chat a bit military preferred shoot me a pm i could use a stranger to vent to i feel bad telling my wife who is suffering from depression and i dont want my few friends to see me like this hell i dont want the world to see me like this but like i said i refuse to return to military mental health providers,1
death date well i think ive decided that there is no hope for me and my life isnt going to get any better soon ever since i was a kid ive always felt that i wouldnt live to be over 30 well ive decided that the only way for me to be happy is to do everything i wanna do travel meet friends create art etc and then kill myself at around 20 to be honesti amjust bored of life thinking of growing old and working the same monotonous job and being depressed all the time just sounds like hell to me i dont want to live a long life i wanna do what i wanna do and get it over with and i dont think theres anything wrong with that well ive got less than 2 years left the date might change but so fari amdeciding on 20 ,1
my family hates me the title speaks for itself my sister hit me multiple for actually being happy today apparently i was too loud when i was laughing my parents they always call me names idiot stupid bitchedit my mother just said go back to your room you lazy fuck youll just be a dumb bitch to everyone else all because i said a box was to heavy ,1
i knowi am going to die alonei ama 16 year old guy and i knowi am going to die alone sometimes i feel so lonely and that no girl will ever love me i knowi amway too ugly i have a big nose a big forehead a lazy eye lips that are a bit too big for a guy acne scars and red hair i know there have never been any girls who have had a love at first sight feeling when they saw me i want to fix everything but it costs too much i am too ugly to live,1
struggling in college i just started my freshman year of college and i feel like a fish out of water i have been struggling to make friends and everyone else seems happy and competent most of my life i have struggled with depression anxiety and a serious learning disorder called nonverbal learning disorder it does not mean that i am mute the classes are going at a much faster pace than i am used too and i am worried i am going to get kicked out of the program i worked so hard to get into there have been many days in the past two weeks where all i wanted to do was sleep ive been suicidal in the past and am going in that direction again help meupdate i am feeling better now after so many people reached out to me i am going to meet with my advisor so she can guide me as well as my contact in the disability services office to see if any of my accommodations can be adjusted thank you everyone for all the kind words and advice it really warms my heart to know that people actually care even though they have never met me in person,1
is the system brokeor doing exactly what it was intended for i have epilepsy have since i was 17 i was on disability for a while but when i moved to nv i was on medical marijuana it helped i was improving went two years without a single seizure my migraines were under control so i thoughtim young i can rejoin the workforce i was always an anomaly among my friends i love to work i love the satisfaction of bringing home a paycheck and paying bills before everything went to shit id had two jobs since i was 15 not because i had to but because i liked itfast forward back to nvi am23 i havent had a steady job in years and i amfinally starting to see improvement so when my parttime side job lands me an interview in ohio with a bigname company fuck yeah i jump on it but it all goes wrongas soon as i leave nv the migraines come back i work for a year and a half i make good money likegood money yay money but when the seizures start that money works against me i try to take lesser jobs i consult i end up back in retail anything to stay in the workforce but when you have seizures you miss deadlines youre late youre out for weeks at a time i cant function wheni ampresent i cant remember things i promised to get done i get fired i get hospitalizedi amout of workby 26 i knew i couldnt do it i couldnt manage a normal life i tried goddess i tried i tried until i was curled up in a ball in my bathtub with the lights out begging for the pain to stop because i knew the moment i went to my doctors and said i needed the medication i would be out theyve tried so many different drug combinations and they never work surgery scares me but fuck maybe i should just let them hack out parts of my braini reapply for disability we wait and wait the system says that i worked for ___ amount of time so why cant i now the system says that i was too skilled a laborer so i should be able to do unskilled work the system saysi am too young to be disabled i appeal i reappeal in the meantime i try to work and fail i appeal again with no income and living with my boyfriend its too much we move back to nc where everything is cheaper and my family lives thing isin nc i dont have insurance i cant even get the medications that turn me into a zombie but keep my brain from becoming a countryfried mess i start having seizures again at home because er visits are expensivei try to go to school thinking maybe i will find a career that will work with the disease i cant make it through my classesi amstuck my depressionsomething thatif you knew me youd think was impossibleis a silent monster eager to lap up the agony of my 2weeklong migraines and the hopelessness in my hearti cant keep doing this its exhaustingi am so tired i just want to rest without pain without the burdens i bring to the people around mei ami amhyperaware thati amhome alone right now i need help but i dont know how to get itsoi amhere hello reddit,1
sitting at work actually sick and tired of life been thinking about driving my car off the road multiple times in a week lately i sleep all day everyday and then work thats it thats all i can muster up the energy to do life isnt fun anymore the only thing i truly love is my cat and that sounds fucking sad but hes the only thing i look forward to when i come home in the morningi aminadequate and will never amount to anything other than a mass of fat sitting in a chair rotting away ive been walking around staring not at the floor but a little bit above that just enough so that i dont walk into a person that matters i dont know what to do anymore and how long will it take before these thoughts turn into actions sometimes i wish i could catch a sickness from one of the patients at my job i work at a hospital and just die from iti amsick of this tightness in my chesti amsick of the fact that only xanax makes my brain calm enough for me to feel okayi amsick of feeling so lonely and weirding everyone out i cant apologize to everyone ive hurt in the past and even if i did theyd never believe me why dont people like me why wont anyone love me i keep deleting things and rewriting them because my dads voice telling me to stop with this bullshit woe is me is pinging around my headi amwatching both of my grandmas die simultaneously from two different problems and they have one thing in common theyve lost all faith and feel like less of a person why would i want to get oldi am already in enough pain as it is i really dont want this anymore if i could get a return on my existence i would,1
down i came back from holiday so refreshed i missed home and had an ambition to do well here and ive been cut down so many times by the smallest of things i need help but every time i seek irl helpi ammet with rejection i am done with iti amovertired to top it off i have an infection in my leg that is killing me i cant walk more than ten metres and i have to pretend to the world i dont have it ive tried to seek out medical help no one available i know exactly what meds i need and i cant get themi dont feel like i should bother with anything anymore i just want to curl up in a corner and die i hope this leg infection kills me but i highly doubt it i just dont want to deal with anything i dont want to talk to people i have a couple commitments in the next three weeks then i will cut off communication with everyone i will quit my responsibilities cut ties with my family i want people to stop caring about me i just want to be left alone,1
i tried to die and i want to try again i took the whole bottle of sleeping pills almost and was like not sure if it would kill me just was going for a whatever happens happens but afterwards i was just disappointed last time i felt relieved when i was ok this time i feel like i failed didnt try hard enough i only feel angry and i keep thinking it supposed to be dead right now and now i just want to die more,1
how do i talk to them about thisi am not sure if i just have moodswings or something but i amvery suicidal right now i want to tell my roommates but i amworried its kind of a boy who cried wolf situation because theyve seen me like this before and maybe they wont take it seriously i have no insurance barely enough money to survive its all my fault idk how to take out a loani am already in 80k medical debt anywayi ama 19 yr old teenage idiot with no family my roommates are my only friends really,1
i cant shake the feelings and thoughts that i am truly alone ive been struggling a lot lately and while i can say that i do have friends i cant shake the feelings that i am really truly alone this journey thati amundertaking to become my best self is a really lonely onei ampretty shy and reserved so its harder for me to get out there and talk to peoplei also am estranged from my family no plans to reconcile as the situation is very complicated and recently broke up with someone i deeply care about due to my own insecurities and lack of faith in the relationship i have no idea if hell take me back because i honestly want to be with him but i feel likei am too messed up and toxic for anyone to want to be withi run away constantly from good things in my life becausei am too scared of the future what ifs of how things can fall aparti dont know what to do and can feel myself spiraling down i really want to end all this pain and suffering that keeps coming back and am one bad decision away from doing so,1
i don t know how to get out of this hole i work the night shift at a warehouse and my parents tell me i should quit because i come home really exhausted after 10 hours a night i tell them i do it for the money but really it s the only thing that keeps me from thinking of self harm and suicide all the time i hate that it so much,1
nothing matters i used to love everything i did i got nothing but as in school and put my best effort into everything even though my parents were divorced and i didnt have that many friends i was doing just finenow thati am in the 8th grade everything has changed i dont have the purpose to do well in school but every failed test and quiz is like a knife to the heart my father will disown me if he sees my grades or if i associate myself with africanamerican people even though i think hes insane for saying soi amthe worst fucking daughter and i hate myself for disappointing my parents why me why was it me that got to live why not someone with purpose talents beauty smarts and hope my mom is right i am a worthless piece of shiti was walking to school this morning as i crossed the road i suddenly had the striking desire to lay on the road until a car came to bless me with the sweet release i have been longing for what is the point no one cares about me anyway i moved to this area 2 years ago and no one would bat an eye if i killed myself people who moved just a month ago already are so popular and have so many friends why because theyre beautiful and smart unlike me no one wants to associate with an emotional brat like me who started selfharming and even her therapist says its just out of stress shell get over itconstantly i wish to die i dont know if god loves me anymore though and if i didnt believe in god my whole family would despise me ive tried calling the suicide hotline but they never answer its quite ridiculous really maybe its a sign that i should just go through with it already itd be a relief to my family,1
i thinki amclose to my end hello all i thinki am going to die sooni am not sure how ive researched a ton of different ways and have yet to settle on what seems the most accessible i was fired from my job a month ago today i loved my job i understand why i was fired though i also hate myself for iti amgetting evicted from my apartment because i cant afford rent due to not having a job not that i havent been trying ive gone to about ten interviews and have applied to over 100 placesi amlosing everything i found a new home for my dog shes my world my family will not let me stay with them my mom claims theres no room in her townhome the rest of my small family doesnt like thati amtrans i feel like a burden none of my friends have space for me the thing that makes me want to die the most though is my sister she committed suicide almost a year ago she was my best friend in the world and i miss her every day sometimes i wonder ifi amsuffering from ptsd with how poorly ive taken to everything songs she used to listen to shows she used to watch hell even phrases she used to say a lot trigger a major anxiety episodeand lately its like its never ending i just want to die i cant think of reasons to livei am going to be homeless trans unemployed and with nothing to my name why do i matter,1
broken soul slowly gaining peace of mind with killing myself years of depression and recent suicidal thoughts and always kept going hoping things would getting better and they did to a certain point suicide has always stuck in the back of my mind taking 2 steps in the right direction and getting slammed 3 steps backi am22 nowwhen is this going to get better my mother and father are both dying and probably have a year eachin and out of hospital i have some friends but they wouldnt really care if i passed always worked my ass off at whatever job i could find and tried to become a cop since i was 18 but always got rejected in the first round so i applied to the army since a couple daysim just broken and i can continue being this way but its fucked up sorry for the random vent thanks for reading,1
for the first time in my lifei amactually considering suicide i dont even know what to do anymore i love the people i know but i seriously dont even know if its worth it anymorei amseriously considering getting heroin just so i can feel good,1
this weight is crushing mei amsitting here at my job bored out of my mind its a decent job although the hours 1a930a are a problem ive been getting terrible sleep recently and thats probably the cause of at least some of my problems typically i go home and sleep until the kids get home then wake up until they go to bed my wife doesnt go to bed until ive left for work so i sleep alone sunthurs ive got three kids and i feel like a terrible father my 7 year old daughter wanted me to play barbies with her last night and i didnt i just didnt want to it almost made her cry and all i felt was exasperation my wife and i were having problems last year she started meds to help her anxiety that killed her sex drive but after months of trying to keep our sex life alive i stopped it was just too exhausting she stopped taking her meds without telling me and her sex drive came back but id already checked out so she had at least three online affairs i eventually found out and doing the math she was having affairs for 1012 months of our 14 year marriage i was a complete wreck for almost a month i took her phone randomly to check up on her i scoured our past phone bills for evidence of her texting or calling and noted all the contacts i did see i eventually decided it hurt too much to distrust her and realized i was actually happier in the brief time id given up on our relationship and focused on my own happiness before i found out about her affairs i realized i wasnt and couldnt give her the validation she needed we talked and decided for her to post in one or more of the gonewild subs i had full access to her account and could see all of her communication i even tested her by making up a username and pming to see what she did despite having a name that suggested someone local that she could probably meet up with she panicked at the thought someone out there might find out who she was and never even pmed back at first i was doing all of the posting as she said she wanted me involved she wanted it to be for us but she did message some guys back and had conversations one in particular was getting a little too personal for my comfort so i asked her to stop amazingly she did then she started posting on her own sometimes she posted references to her husband or being married but not always yesterday she had me take a pic of her flashing while making dinner and in response to a comment asking what wasd for dinner she mentioned that she was for dessert hubbys favorite i woke up alone in bed at 1145 and just laid there until 1210 i got out of bed and went upstairs to find her reading on the couch we had a cigarette together on the porch and then i went to work i was making coffee when i saw another post from her new pictures mentioning being ready for bed and included some of her touching herself i over reacted and we had a text argument until almost three am about how it looked like she was fishing for guys again i deleted the account id been using to post pictures of myself and commenting on her posts as her husband i basically told her i was going back to sticking my head in the sand and letting her do what she wants to be happy but i dont want toi am tired of fightingi am tired of being so nauseated at the thought of my wife with someone else that i cant eati am tired of being a terrible husbandi am tired of being a terrible father id planned to commit suicide nearly 3 years ago on my birthday i went to work and had my gun with me i planned to get that last bit of overtime and then drive into the mountains and shoot myself in the brain like my grandfather did on my first break i checked my voicemail and had one from my girls wishing me a happy birthday i couldnt do it i snuck the gun back into the house that night and havent really thought about it since my birthday is coming up 18 days i will be 38 years old with depression thats been untreated for over 20 yearsi amjust so tired at this point my wife can take a flying fuck through a rolling donut but i cant do that to my kids my oldest is 14 and already showing signs of depression i have to keep fighting to prove to her that its a winnable fight but i feari amlosing more and more each day tldr a bunch of rambling poor me bullshit ,1
i dont want to live anymore i dont i dont please if there is a god or anyone out there at all listening please i just dont want to live anymore take me away from here please i cant anymore i just cant please,1
can someone just convince me not to commit suicide i tried to yesterday chickened out almost made it all the way before i stopped but next time i know itll be differenti amhorribly depressed i have been for many years since july its gotten out of control to the point where i plan out my suicide daily write my suicide notes daily as well everyone has left me all my friends including my best friend of five years without any warning just stopped talking to me my boyfriend left me said it was all my fault and that he didnt care about me and that i was nothing to him i started college now and its just gotten worsei am in debt i can make no friends there and these days i dont even go to class then i hear the disappointment from everyone around me i sit in bed all day i do nothing ive lost 30lbs give or take i dont sleep currently havent slept in over 24 hours and i dont even take joy in the things i once loved on monday i was at therapy when my therapist laughed at me while i was telling my feelings the same day someone was threatening me with blackmail and said hell ruin my life if i dont let him rape me and when i tried to reach out to multiple people they all gave some response on the lines of i dont care i guess this is my last attempt my last cry for help ,1
cant believe i am here again quick recap stopped self harming in december had a failed suicide attempt in january and in march started separation process with my now ex husband it was tough going but my suicidal urges went down and i thought gone for goodbut nope life keeps kicking me down i got to the point last night that i had to call my therapist i just looked at the overwhelming mess in my house and life and wanted to kill myself now i just want to take a bunch of pills and sleep for a week,1
i feel likei am in the sidelines of life and want to die on my own terms ive been thinking for a while watching my life slowly become worse at time goes on experiences after experiences lost activities that seem normal to some just arent me i feel like i am living on the side lines of life and i can see the rest of my life tooi am going to continue paying off debt and working telli am in my 60s if i can retire i cant even enjoy my retirement because racking health problems will prevent me from doing that that is if i make it to 60 i have a heart condition that has a high chance of preventing me from living past 45 i will indulge in meaningless shit trying to feel human but cant i will always be a husk i dont want to feel happiness i dont want to do anything besides die and end this stupid act once and for all i can feel my mental capacity and motivation dwindling i wish i could be like the lot of you i wish i could be normal i wish reality felt real so one day maybe a year from now maybe sooner i plan to shoot myself and that will be that ,1
ive committed to planning my suicide does anyone want to keep me companythis will take a while to plan and execute,1
slowly dying i have been depressed for sometime now i used to go to a counselor every other week but then summer hit and i had an internship that made it really hard to make appointments but a lot has happened since i have seen him and i feel like i am back to the start were i just want to die the most ironic thing is that i always wanted to die in an accident or get a serious i willness well about two months ago i started having liver problems and i found out a few weeks ago that i have an autoimmune disease that will eventually kill me they say it will take probably 40 years for it to actually kill me since it is not a super serious disease the funny thing is that i got what i wanted but i do not feel any better,1
amstarting to doubt that it gets betteri am22 my life has been an endless rollercoaster of miserable fucked up shit interrupted by periods of time where it looks like everything might turn out okay only for the rug to get yanked out from under me and the fuckery to begin anew i cant remember most of my childhood because i was raped my a priest when i was in fourth grade i cant really remember much of anything about my life even shit that happened fairly recently i cant maintain normal relationships first one ended in me being stalked for five years second one was just me being used thirdfourth was a fucking disaster that left me completely doubting my self worth no it hasnt come back a year and a half later and seriously contemplating death this is also when my mother lost her shit culminating in a series of 5hr long screaming sessions over nothing that left me with some serious fucking anxiety and then i got kicked out on short noticefifth relationship was going great until basically got kicked to the curb without warning two weeks before we were supposed to move in together after two months of not talking i started seeing her again as a friends with benefits type thing i kind of hate myself for it but the alternative is being more or less completely alone because its really hard for me to meet and approach new people my only real long term friend got a new friend group this summer that suddenly take priority these people also thinki ama fucking weirdo and want nothing to do with me i dont really blame themi got bullied a lot k12 i understand whyi amgenerally strange and aggravating to be around ive worked on it a lot so now people tolerate me for weeks instead of hours after high school i took a gap year in germany that was a mistake i was pretty lonely and just drank a lot and then i started blacking out turns out ptsd from being raped as a child can cause that and my family basically told me i was on my own and that they didnt want to deal with me coming back at the moment at the time the doctors were ruling out shit like brain tumors and thought i was having seizurescollege sucked i chose poorly and wasnt ready i did a yeari am still on leave i know i will never be able to afford to go backi am not sure that i want to up until thursday i didnt think i would have to because this summer after all of the bullshit the shit jobs the loneliness and everything else i managed to actually get the job i really wanted and then i went and somehow found a way to fuck it up actually no thats a lie i know exactly how i fucked it up by being myselfim not sure whats left at this point my entire life has been about making it to the next place because that wont suck right only it just seems to get more lonely and miserable no matter how hard i try i dont have dreams for the future anymore when people ask me where i seem myself in ten yearsi amcompletely lost because i cant imagine even being alive in ten years its not that i plan on being dead its that i dont see howi am going to make iti amjust tired i want to stop ive been pushing for what feels like my entire life now and i just want a break my earliest memories are of someone stomping on my fingers on the playground whilei am trying to draw something on a piece of paper i dont want this anymore,1
goodnight everyone i dont know honestlyi am trying my best and ive tried my best but ive been felling empty for so long i dont know whats happened to me but i cant go on like this gosh i dont mean to sound so dramatici amlost not because i dont know what to do but because despite doing everything i could nothing has changed ,1
i am just waiting out my inevitable end but i feel that i should vent and make myself feel betteri am not a very motivated person but my ambitions are great in proportion and i feel that any goal i put in front of myself whether its cleaning my room passing my college class not with an a just passing but everything i do that i dont set a goal for myself i do rather well and i feel like its some sort of shitty curse i gave to myself to forward my misery because god knows that no one else made me really unmotivated and lazy ive set goals up for myself and ive seen myself fail multiple times and it just hurts to see that happen and on top of thati ama very large dude and ive only gotten larger since i was done with football in high school and throughout my high school career no women would talk to me unless they actually wanted something from me like what were the answers for homework or using me as an into some football star and any advances ive made on people just crash and fail in a hindenberg of emotions and i usually just push everything down until i dont have to deal with it anymore which for most issues works most of the time ive also been in an accident where i killed a man walking home from dinner fault was on both sides i ran a red light because it was an angle to the light and i saw the green arrow for a left turn and as the angle came up i neglected to see the red light and drove past and hit him and on his side he was drunk high as a kite and literally half blind but none the less it was an incredible burden to put on a 17yearold kid who already feels pretty shitty about life oh also the prelude to all my emotional problems probably have root in the fact that my father was a raging alcoholic which to my siblings 3 all younger than me were thankfully spared from because there was quite a bit of space in years which meant that i was the most fit to make the drinks for my father and stay up past the other kids which put me in prime positions for his beatings until my mom who thankfully was never hurt decided that she had enough and took us away and finished her education and were pretty well off considering the fact on another note nice transition i know last year around this time i told my mother that i didnt want ive been having suicidal thoughts and it was only getting worse and worse i didnt tell my mother this but basically the only thing that was stopping me from killing myself was 1 my i didnt want my family to find my body thats a really shitting thing to do to the people that you care about along with the fact that my absence from the world permanently would really fuck up the entire family as i have close relationships with the majority of them at least them to me not so much me to them anymore ive slowly pushed most people away in annoyance to everything because people get really hard to tolerate sometimes also the other thing that prevented me from committing suicide was that i didnt have anything that i thought would end my life peacefully i had i shotgun and i love shooting it its a rather zhen thing just to shoot targets but that got taken away from me for obvious reasons after telling my mother which is difficult to explain that i wouldnt kill myself that way because i dont want to kill myself that way lol carrying on after i told my mom i agreed to be admitted to the hospital so i could get my noggin serviced unfortunately it was a rather full hospital that our insurance would cover so i had to sit in the psych er for a couple of days and that was just miserable i had to sit next to some legitimate loons in my passing who just got thrown in because the cops didnt want to deal with them and a lot and i mean a lot of girls who had a bad breakup essentially just being processed in and out as fast as they can the only person i could tolerate yes i know that all these people are suffering in their own way but i am not much of a people person to begin with so put me in with the rough patch of strawberries and it probably wont end up working out for my psyche was this recovering drug addict who got thrown in for being a loon in the bar part of town who was just struggling to get by in life and you could see the legitimate damage life could do to a man through his eyes i eventually got sick of waiting and really uncomfortable with having the cattle get brought in fed their pills and processed out so i decided to leave and leave i did and i didnt really have any serious issues because i was just glad to be out of there and didnt really think too much about it until nowi amstarting to have this feeling of worthlessness and selfpity and severe laziness creep back up in me and its a really shitty feeling and to be honest i probably would have killed myself if i wasnt so set in living in my moms attic with a highpowered pc and a vast catalog of games movies and tv shows to keep my mind chewing on something besides my shitty life whichi amprobably just too unmotivated to do anything about until its too late and i just get fed up with living a boring mundane and worthless life ps i also want to add that my best friend just left for boot camp a couple months ago and i mean he was like my serious best friend we got together like peanut butter and jelly but he got out of high school a year after me and enlisted because he thought itd be a good plan to get his life started and now thati amstarting to hear from him hes having talks about getting married and starting a family and moving on with his life within the next handful of years or so and thats somethingi am not willing to move to yet and if he moves on from life our ultimate selfinterests will just drive us apart in life until we maybe talk every now and then and losing my only nonmaterial release is just disheartening to me and i amlost because i now really have no friends and i am not the socialising type or really one to try to maintain friendships its just too much effort for me tldri amstuck between a rock and a hard place of being not being motivated enough to fix my life and not being in a shitty enough condition to kill myself and i amjust waiting out which part is going to break first the laziness or the will to live ,1
draft of my suicide letter to you my loveim sorry about the things ive said to you my past doesnt justify what ive done it doesnt it never hasi am sorryi am so sorry and in all honesty i think youre beautiful everything about you is beautiful dont let anyone take that from you even me i dont deserve you i never did i think you deserve so much better go out there and find it i need to join my dad now i feel like he needs me i think hes lonely so dont worry about me i amwith him hell take care of me i want you to know that i love you not just as a friend but as a lover and the only family ive ever truly known i do but not all family is healthy i have to go please dont hold yourself back you are so amazing i cant even begin to describe it so keep at it,1
my girlfriend my girlfriend has recently started cutting heavily onto her thighs at night and its been get worse over the days how do i get her to stop she gets offended easily so everytime i bring it up it just goes to shit i just want to know what her perspective is right now and why she is doing it i dont know where else to go to,1
i know what is after life and i want it i had an nde in 2009 after an atv accident and i remember the afterlife it was so beautiful no pain complete and utter peacefor lack of a better termmy life is similar to a vacation where you re staying at an acquaintance s house and they tell you make yourself at home but you re still a bit uneasy and you still tip toe around because you know you can t get too comfortable and no matter how many accommodations they can provide you know that it is not your home it never will be i will be going back home this friday the 22nd i already have a place timeand plan thank you all for your encouraging words and support ,1
why not just simply why not,1
its my birthday and i have no life or friends to celebrate with actually i would just accept not being so suicidal and depressed all the time as a gift,1
 i wish i got to watch it with you i miss you and how was the premiere,0
 i want to go to promote gear and groove but unfornately no ride there i may b going to the one in anaheim in may though,0
oh manwas ironing fave top to wear to a meeting burnt it ,0
sadly though i ve never gotten to experience the post coitus cigarette before and now i never will ,0
wonders why someone that u like so much can make you so unhappy in a split seccond depressed ,0
strider is a sick little puppy ,0
i m sooo sad they killed off kutner on house whyyyyyyyy,0
this week just seems to get longer and longer in terms of how much i need to do and how much i m actually going to get done ,0
was intending to finish editing my 536page novel manuscript tonight but that will probably not happen and only 12 pages are left ,0
oh just got all my macheist 30 apps sweet didn t get the espresso serial no though although they said they sent it oh well ,0
 i m so sorry you re having to go through this again therapyfail,0
 oh no,0
 i m goin to follow u since u didn t lol go angels,0
 now your leaving me gets sad,0
bad day at the betfair office ,0
has lost his ring it s nowhere to be seen ,0
spent 1 hour to reach to axis bank only to find out today is holiday for mahavir jayanti contd,0
feels like she slept the day away not looking forward to any more bouts with my gallbladder at least i have pills now for the pain,0
is terrified she accidentally deleted a reference in her management assignment and hopes she doesnt get in trouble when she gets back ,0
 oh did i mention it quotgooooood moooorniiiiiiingquot from germany im back in my cageor bettermy office ,0
getting annoyed easily today gtgtgt biofuel proposal getting annoyed easily today gtgtgt biof ,0
wish i had all the xblm downloads all on the gamertag hitokyri this 5 gamertag thing is nonsense and i m tired of it ,0
 wonder if jon lost the net,0
saw an ad on craigslist for a casting call for a female host on g4 i was totally psyched but realized it was a hoax ,0
anyone who reads this pray for my grandma she s in pain ,0
 when is the announcement i stayed up late last night ,0
i m so behind in video games and everything for that matter i m yesterday s news ,0
 that s bad ,0
 wow that last tweet made me seem like a giant sexistsorry about that ,0
still 3 more days until my internet gets uncapped ,0
 geez ur no fun are you ,0
why is that when you have time off from work you get sick ,0
can t sleep again face is kinda swollen don t let me be allergic to the thing that ll get me to thursday school tomorrow doubtful ,0
my throat is still really sore i was meant to be going on a 5 day camp from friday but not so sure now ,0
fuck omg austins always there though man lt3 love you,0
i m in one of those days when i really just want to work from home crap ,0
is grouchy and wants bmar ,0
 i miss mine too ,0
 can t wait to try em but prolly have to wait until next weekend at the earliest ,0
 shooting be careful luisa ,0
kutnerrrr why why and to think that 13 is still on the show ugh kutnerkal penn you ve been the bright star in ho ,0
 so true i have it and don t use it ,0
 i don t like that they only had him in the first movie cillian murphy is hot ,0
 i dunno how to use the forum and i get frustrated with it i ll miss talking to you on here ,0
 this is true lol but it s still a slap in the face after such a warm end of march ,0
superneej morning bah car won t start waiting for the anwb ,0
i m off too bed i gotta wake up hella early tomorrow morning ,0
just picked up some oats from the market to eat for breakfast with my boy now time to do work at usc late night ,0
 i wish we would get it the same time at the rest of world unfornately i am in cairo and have to wait for mtva to play it ,0
need to sleep but cant ,0
massage was great i just spilled coke all over my desk lame watching the simpsons as i ve finished all my hills dvds,0
 i don t think there s one close by last time i checked the closest one was 70 miles away ,0
my 4 year old 18 year old is driving me around the twisti don t want to be like this ,0
 roomie was home all day all he had to do was scratch at the door comforter has to goto large laundromat machines ,0
so im done editing quotthe phipstapequot back 2 crack a brew and see what we got no trees though ,0
oh i thought the pirate bay trial verdict was today s apparently it s in 10 days ,0
i feel unloved dropped 2 tweeters ,0
who turned the lights on it will be time to get ip then ,0
keeeerrrrriiiiii i really have nothing better to do then post on this thing at 224amwonderfullll says alot,0
another early morn with the duchess although she hadn t managed to cross her legs this time ,0
 i had to get an hd tivo and just got it set up tonight in order to get channels 40 59 ,0
 d oh at least you re getting a decent exchange rate at the moment sterling is still getting flogged ,0
 nope i m right along wit you ,0
new post ,0
seeing that shouldnt have made my stomach flip like it did ,0
 i wanna go but i am only 20 ,0
used the term quotfail whalequot to a client on a pitch last night from their incomprehension corp twitter is being done much lower in the org ,0
is afraid that her gi notes will not read themselves ,0
at mobilityvicorg launch no grog nice video from pwc though,0
 haven t heard from hannah at all yet it s very disappointing ,0
today is day 1 of my fast amp i feel i may break b4 i go 2 bed i must hold out til the end of the wk must stayed focused wish me luck,0
where s derrick ,0
 please fix this because it brakes all external twitter avatar searches ,0
 awwwww bummerrsorry missed it again ,0
ugh still working on project just taking a small break,0
 no chance of that coming back when it d be 20 mins faster than the javelins though ,0
 ,0
wishing it wasn t 245 in the morning sleeping is awesome work is not and i need to scrub my apt,0
worst burn of my life so sick ,0
 ditch in another parish some really sick people in this world ,0
 heh yeah i shakily conquered the ladder pointless job tho we re too far away to receive digital signal w antenna ,0
 balls although without the tunes it s just a holiday then ,0
woke up at 6am far too earlymore coffee then,0
is coldd ,0
 wait what sick ,0
i can t believe it i got my answer and didn t have to ask the question this feels awful,0
 wooo yeah sorry to hear you missed out on origin tickets ,0
 all in the middle if the night i ve committed myself to installing windows 7 with boot camp but i m already having issues ,0
 lmaooo mornin baybeeee don t lie a peaceful journey my train is straight boring not even a hooded teef in sight,0
needs the motivation to get dressed and go to work i hate training ,0
throat is so raw she cannot sleep ,0
 you were amazing rach thank you for the music i waited outside but you never showed up there s always the next album,0
i m not there is on hbo in 30 minutes got excited then remembered i should get some sleep tonight and why is it not on again soon sad ,0
won t be doing the frank morgan race ,0
 oh man it was the most sad ever ,0
up and showered now to get dressed for the late shift lollypop ,0
 i ve just been faffing actually reading which is work but doesn t feel productive,0
still doing homework ,0
 my luck i d probably get stopped by a cop or something stupid ,0
i need to go out but i am so lazy ,0
is back at the cabbins ew,0
had a flu shot at work now my arm hurts ,0
 i was being all nerdy amp thinking they could help me with my metropolitan area network ,0
 what s wrong why do you need an inhaler i didn t even know you were sick hope you start feeling better,0
has just said goodbye to her hubby who is off globe trotting away ,0
 sorry to hear about your dog ,0
revising my essay and talking to my hubby on aim ,0
fairly certain i have the flu ,0
now even more annoyed with bones i would have preferred the gratuitous grossness poor angela ,0
caught myself looking up the iphone promised i wouldn t torcher myself as i still have 6 months left on my current contract ,0
morning everyone still feeling poorly hope u all have a good day x,0
 yeah it was good news a y combinator interview next week dunno bout the oyster will just suck it up i guess ,0
woke up too early ,0
dad was admitted to hospital yesterday so want to fly to cape town to visit r1900 for monday return ticket on kulula ,0
 oh your tweet was about weapons that s covered by pandora s box can t uninvent it leaving us all with mad ,0
i had a extravagant yet time conserving plan lined up for todaywhich ive now forgotten ,0
just realized im talking to no one ,0
 i m getting pissy lately i know i make mormon jokes at you i m sorry i hear mormon jokes now and i feel bad ,0
 but i like reading the bullshit ,0
my facebook is fucked ,0
 sorry your day was a waste hope you found some good bits in it and yay you are homeward bound,0
stupid bus was early i missed it stupid thing then i missed the bus after that finally got a bus then missed my second gutz,0
finally updatedoohh i sooo miss the internet sorry to say that woop2x may not open apr10 so how s it goin,0
4 am insomnia is a bitch ,0
2morw i get my blasted wisdom teeth pulled need sleepcnt stop worryng i hate needles ,0
 there is no way i can go to school today im way to sick,0
dropped car off to get exhaust replaced that s 250 i could do without spending ,0
nooooo i was doing so good im not allowed to cry ughhh staying up late makes me think about stuff ,0
 i m being set up again except now i ll have to watch her with 2 huge membered guys i feel like a hat stand ,0
i think i have tonsillitis ,0
holy shindigs thats hot,0
 tell me about it had some mortgage quotes last sat going to be skint for the next 30 years ,0
 morning i m really upset my rabbit ran away last night and the postman woke me up early reply ilu x,0
having a horrible headache day and nose bleedingawful feeling ,0
has tonsilitis on my birthday ,0
 they end up back as read only and still the error persists i cant add anything to the library now so cant update my ,0
quotflight of the conchordsquot suddenly disappeared from spotify ,0
currently watching quotroommatesquot i miss the nyc ,0
at work and a little sick ,0
borning thats me with a cold virus all bunged up and eyes all squintybah ,0
is going to priceline city tomorrow but lost her must haves list ,0
 still sore comes put tomorrow though,0
watching interesting setfilming updates i wish i was in cardiff ,0
well everyone after a super adventurous 2 days luke has gone home let us all morn the loss of a hero im off to continue playing sims 2,0
just woke up ,0
 did you update itunes to the new version b4 you lost it new software update killed my ipod ,0
awww ellie sounds so sick poor thing ,0
 ah but that s ok you see as it is quotto stop da terroristsquot and anything that claims to be for that is acceptable ,0
 too bad you couldn t wait another month or so for me to sell mine ,0
i am scheduled to be very productive on a few hrs and i still can not sleep insomia has gotten to me,0
wanted to tweet that i was in victoria but silly canadian service wouldn t work home now and sad vacation is over ,0
 you should set up a video channel for your podcast on miro just checked and you re not listed there ,0
off to the hospital s some jaw breaking is about to happen ,0
but first the other workathlon 3 sets of management accounts one after the other ,0
wants to use the 8directional dance pad pero di compatible sa tv yung game ,0
 i think so too i always get it,0
think i saw some magic on sunday against salford i saw hull fc come out onto the pitch but after that they vanished ,0
i need some inspiration before i hit the kitchen tonight ,0
just bought a car and my impending fatherhood is affecting my judgement out with plans of a 330ci and in with a rav4 ,0
will probably be in scotland next week ,0
 thank you i feel sad but hope we can give her a nice life til the end now,0
 i knowthey block orkut in dubai in oman they have orkut accessbut skype is banned ru from the gulf,0
why am i up so early i am bored and have had that trantula song stuck in my head for the past hour ,0
good morning i am going for a run this morning then its off to the dentist for some drilling ,0
booo ee you suck why daniella don t bring sam back at all if it has to be her not happy ,0
 i had the same problem poken error,0
looks like the nobel peace prize is simply a popularity contest ,0
 don t think that s the right username for mr brooks ,0
is awake at a sensible time and is doing alot of coursework bohoo ,0
just woke up tiresome times ,0
 i wanna watch dollhouse i haven t seen any eps yet i lt3 eliza dushku so much lol,0
last 2 days in my nice little office dont wanna move ,0
is frightened cos its spider time i hope the flat repels them as i unfortunately haven t got a man to save me ,0
g day at the evil highschool right now ,0
madre is grinding on me this is gonna be a long week ,0
but of course the document with the important tables in it isn t published on the internet ,0
my damn filling just fell out half of my tooth is gone,0
hang on does anyone use fax machines any more ,0
 texas is far from phx lol what part,0
y isnt it as sunny as yesterday ,0
i wish i was in sydney ,0
 good luck look forward to the update run not an option in this wind seriously blowing a real gale ,0
i really wish i was 100 better so i could be 100 awesome at work ,0
dear fbdimms please give me my 4gb of memory back i used to have 8 running 90 full crippled pc,0
incredibly immensely indecisive ,0
 maybe a broken mbp from ebay one with a broken screen or something good luck,0
 i would love to swim but don t know how ,0
 yeah if you get spraying i m going to have to pay you to spray my m3 at some point they dont to e46 m3s in white in europe ,0
whitout friends ,0
 strawberry is the absolute best angel delight eva i had chocolate once but it was too sweet ,0
is pissed off running from that old man who tried too trash our tent has left me with the battle wombs ,0
it is snowing in tennessee too ,0
 i can t sleep i need to work on my speech about huka and youth i hope i get the 10 full marks ,0
 have to work on homework tmrw,0
 miss you too it s been too long come back,0
i can t enjoy the weather ,0
babies a bit sick poor honey having a relaxing day otherwise in israel enjoying all the fam,0
 laterr hunn arghh hope i dont miss any tweets lolgunna be at my nans later nooo byeeee x x x,0
 most people don t realise how much they d miss it if they couldn t do it any more ,0
i just found out i was unsuccessful in applying for the hampshire probation job fb,0
is playing basketball today lol i wanna go to the pub ,0
at my mama ji s place everybody keeps giving me new options to study or work now i get more confused with each passing day ,0
is revising ,0
just poked herself in the eye the mascara but i love mascara its a god sent,0
 yesh it s a bank holiday but everyone else is working trains traffic everything screwed as usual ,0
added the dns system compatibility is okay and am looking forward to the possibilities now open but i need to rework the intro sequence ,0
leanne is angry at me ,0
 aww did your mic work at all,0
off to pick up the dog doctor s note and back to work ,0
 geez it s so late for you good luck at work tomorrow i am soooo knackered too love you,0
 i could do with a long week ,0
 did you know tai means shit in indonesian ,0
is seriously wondering what the australian public were thinking by kicking my baby kat off of sytycd i miss her already,0
 is ur host down i m getting nothin ,0
is feeling weird today happy and sad at the same time and missing my people from italy ilyyy lt3,0
where is my phone amp good foods aaaaaaaaah ,0
s nanna just passed away ,0
ok i think i m finally done with work for the yesterday now for a beer and some tv before hitting the sack back at it around 9am ,0
damn it i still can t find a decent sized photo ,0
so much for my roast tonight still frozen solid ,0
wow its way too early to be awake lots to do though and software post at 830 so i actually have to be to work on time boo,0
argh cant stop yawning ,0
have a ouchy head which is making me feel sicky ,0
going to work ,0
lol what anna schmance i soo wanna meet up with you in the holidays man haha im missing you so bad ,0
 would use red onion if we had any chives are abundant at the moment so using them instead lid of sunflower seeds is stuck ,0
wish i were i sleeping ,0
stuff finding a small enough picture i will jsut have to be this weird face for the rest of my twitter life lol,0
 can you not become a seperate program rather than use air air is awful and this ram leakage is bloody annoying ,0
 my seed is on the verge of death thinking of what seedling i can plant to replace,0
just couldn t sleep last night working 7a3p than dinner with megan happy bday jl,0
 oh awesome shit i missed it ,0
wownon work related i ve been doing the seo for a site i designed and it s now ranking 15 on msn google and ask sadly not yahoo ,0
i m not liking that new itunes pricing at all i mean i ve seen several songs at 129 but not only one at 069 ,0
 arrrrg it must be bad mcdonald burger king always hire,0
i want my cereal but we re out of milk ,0
whatchiing commercial breakdwon lol and havee homework to do enrtertain meee,0
mums soup made my stomach make nasty noises ,0
why do i have to go to the sitty job more often than the nice one ,0
why isn t the hills available online yet soo disappointing ,0
now i have to do my stupid italian homework ,0
in france today it s raining ,0
 mrsshedfire been taking pictures of you without your shirt bleeeech ,0
 i love chinatown and its cheap stuffs but i hardly communicate with the sellers they can t speak english ,0
feeling stressed about my little dog who looks like he has spinal injuries ,0
bbutton ring fell off needa replace one asap,0
 is the chat on line yet now not on freeview not good ,0
 just keep trying to upload it babe it will uploadsometimes you need to try at least a dozen timesi know ,0
i bought an iphone 3g off ebay like 2weeks ago still hasn t come ,0
mmmm chocolate cupcake this is all lorraine kelly s fault you know her and her cakestand full of cupcakes i m getting hooked ,0
 eric get a twitter lol and sorry about your teeth why are you getting them out dentists will do anything for money,0
got to get appointment for ultrasound doc didnt pick up on it until blood tests as normally prob for obese peepsand well im not,0
i have had 2 days of tv control and there is damn near nothing worth watching ,0
no sign of camera in todays post hope it arrives before the long weekend ,0
ordered our new washing machine to replace the broken one another 350 lighter now it is an 8kg one though,0
what a fantastic week end did some plumbing didn t work fitted a touch panel broke it ,0
 yeah they ve got you every which way ,0
 cheers dan is for a notes developer at the university 3 hour lunch break now ,0
has woken up late and wasted some of the day ,0
 hahaha yeah i laughed all the way until the end when he was sick ,0
can t sleep because my hunny isn t here with me i know it s mushy lol,0
 dude i have to go on a 4 mile run in cold ass boston after waking up just now this sucks ,0
 liverpool don t get me jealous going to london on thursdaiii ,0
going to the dr with anthony todayim sure the news wont be great his icd has gone off numerous times,0
i m seeing my cousin from canada for the last time today before she goes back sad timesneed cheering up,0
 i haven t tweeted at you in forever ,0
 good yea had that same issue last night way overloaded can t complain saw you smoked your camera ,0
 o that s fantastic i hate timesheets but they are forcing me to do them now ,0
 niiiiiiiiice i d give it a shot if i could find blueprints for b5 ,0
have got a slight hangover ,0
 i feel like shiiiit too ,0
 still have never done a brick tour ,0
goign 2 scholl baghhh _ im tires woke up early fell asleep sick ,0
the end of college road trip always makes me cry its just so sad ,0
so tired in my room chilling out fun ,0
 i know i went and stood on the balcony but it had already moved a few houses further up ,0
i ve given up and am going to the doctorbeing sick 3 times in one month is rather annoying ,0
wow great day sun sun sun but have to work now ,0
off work yay im so tired ,0
 pine with imap is slow with gmail and the inbox gets closed from time to time big hassle ,0
huh i thought hells kitchen was a ramsay thing who s this nobody guy get ramsay back ,0
 i hope that motte s performance is not an indication of what is to come ,0
 oh no tummy bug hope u get better soon xx think she is only back briefly then off to namhave text but no reply yet xx,0
i have a stuffy nose ,0
am sad my sister and niece have gone away ,0
 yes thanks i ve just dropped my phone and the screen is smashed up ,0
preparing quotes all day can be a tiring job ,0
i hate cleaning ,0
sitting in the school library passing time till i go home it sucks when you start to not like your job because of your boss ,0
tonight i am staying at my dads and then i cant go 9on the computer ,0
 because there is no one flashing their knickers amp no one buffing it up the car with boobs whilst i m cleaning mine ,0
 no you can t it s an autorefresh of i think the past 48 hours only,0
 i do too and my back is stiff ,0
wonders how how how ,0
 have fun tonight i wish i could gooooo ,0
saracens losing andy farrell to retirement ,0
my trainer calls i have to go to sport ,0
jquery is bringing me down ,0
 lol only 4 more episodes in the season too ,0
 anyway if they go i hope there will be a caffine replacement in that area ,0
 sweetheart he s from russia i think you re stuck with the snow ,0
i wish i could go see day 26 today i hate suite 98 they tease all the 20 yo s ugh,0
 goood luck today g m a no one would take me i love you we are in the same state,0
trying to talk myself into being excited about a long day at work ,0
 awww i m such a girl ,0
revsion classes were a bore ,0
is not at all excited about packing all over again and putting up at someone else s place ,0
930pm so i asked my teacher if i had to speak about my project and she said noo i am so happy i might have spewed up ,0
ok but in for an op in 3 weeks and a biopsy ,0
it s snowing in april ugh sometimes i hate pittsburgh i miss la ,0
boo not getting a puppy anymore the mum mauled them it such a shame tbh,0
 it s beginning to wind me up now because it always picks the worst possible moments to freeze ,0
 hey i ve finished homework but b is tired ,0
i am soo tired sigh ,0
takes finnie to the vet later today he s lost weight and she worried ,0
em ang l m g nh sao ko thy tr li m nh ,0
is absolutely sick of riding the bus sick of school and sick of living so far from the church what an attitude ,0
mcprusa lives always in our hearts goodbye puerto rico ,0
it s snowing really wish it would stick though ,0
lets hit the showers tweetscan t have you stinking up the place oh wait that s me ,0
wife just called with my 2yr old on the phone woke up and wanted daddy ,0
i am very close to buying a macbook ,0
i slept for too long last night my head aches now ,0
wants a g1 or a prada 2 contract,0
lunch was disappointing ,0
 ew not meatloaf go with piewow you said that like 2 hours ago omg as soon as i logged off you got on typical ,0
 same had an unproductive morning too,0
eye hurts ,0
i m so bord i have nothing to do i wish my friends went busy ,0
the most boring dinner ever i hate being stuck in the house wanting nice food and not having any sulky mood coming up ,0
is wishing he d brought some of the chocolaty treats to work ,0
violence bloodbath in landgericht landshut germany is no longer safe ,0
i think my life is horrible ,0
is watching a wall come down and protecting a bad back from the rigeurs of another daily grind ,0
 every1s wrkin ,0
 it s funny because it s true ,0
 wish i could but twitter nixed animation it s grandfathered 4 those who have it,0
 how long has he been gone hope he comes home to you soon ,0
brrrr heading to work chilly today ,0
 it s really depressing it teases me by working fine up until i try to save the people i created what the hell ahh ,0
 i didnt i dropped the table on it yesterday at krew ,0
 meh i expected so much more i guess that was my first mistake ,0
charlie horse in the middle of the night terrible dreams sick ,0
 its sucks hairy donkey balls but knowing him it will be a hit x,0
one day back in the office and i feel a cold coming on or it was my raw vegan indiscretion either way i don t feel so good ,0
another altnet podcast about altnet sigh,0
 well i was there for quite a bit when your car stopped working p damn i forgot about your car sorry poor thing,0
sat on the beach in woolacombe sun is out but it s cold ,0
key this is just weird ,0
 that movie is so sad ,0
 but your going away and so is b looks like we will have to wait a while ,0
raining on a vacation day ,0
this day is set to drag 97 is not my ideal shift ,0
sucks that i had to change the settings for comments on my blog damn spammers ,0
 bummer i didn t think so ,0
just stopped in at subway they didn t have the fearless songbook at music cellar spent 650 on theory books i don t even want ,0
my macbook is behaving very strangely ,0
i m still so cold and tired ,0
i broke the zip on my trousers ,0
bummed that i forgot to go to walmart this morning at 5am on my way to work to get the new rf cd ug guess i ll go on my way home ,0
 very excited my cardio kickboxing instructor is teaching close by again i had lost 30 lbs wher back on wout her ,0
 i must not have unlocked that one yet i m a slowby ,0
 ah well win some lose some wouldve been nice to have bet on the 100 to 1 winner if wishes were horses ,0
waiting for jason to wake up could be a while ,0
arm hurts my brother pinched me gt,0
 hey girlie sorry you re having so much troubles with getting home have a safe trip,0
 innocent no longer have my custom ,0
oh i don t like the first few chapters out of new moon lol when will they come back ,0
waiting for ryan to get here my phone doesn t work ,0
cant believe i m sick again ,0
i would love nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep all day definitely not feeling up to par today ,0
 i haven t slept boo i wish it snowed here,0
is not wanting to work this weeki want a vacation ,0
 my boyfriend says u wont reply to me please prove him wrong lol xx,0
i can t believe that it s cold outside and it s april it s spring but i had a hot winter so now i m going to have a cold spring ,0
 hey thomas been very busy but busy smiling too apart from last night when i got the wolves score ,0
davepeckens never received any dms last night twitter was hacking up a lung or something,0
 that s scary,0
meeting time is it friday yet ,0
i though groups of google apps were something like google groups groupsgooglecom ,0
 you ll have to wait a few more months the backyard is still snowy ,0
yeah i m in my 8am but my computer is about to die ,0
jus wolf up but still layin in bed lol and im missio her allot ,0
 i reckon im wearing bed socks for the first time this year boooooooo to winter,0
 yeah i had my old username back thenhe s barely been on since the change ,0
nope i searched vanilla ice vanilla winkle and rob van winkle and got nothing ,0
 its been soboring ,0
oh for a brain that is working properly it s a little fogged up today ,0
rob pattinson deleted his twitter ,0
 what has the country come to just bc they do that in iraq that doesn t mean we do it sad day,0
on my way 2 classi hate art history then its my psyc class then work for the rest of my dayi want to sleep,0
missing my honey bunches today ,0
i look so scary right now ,0
internets sl0wz sauce have to stream in low quality this isn t fun ,0
 reminds me of when i was working in the machine room for 4 days setting up servers nearly went deaf ,0
damn all my joints are sore at the moment either i m feeling the effects of my pt session or i m getting sick or both ,0
 haha i already did im such a bad student,0
noooo it s cold this morning ,0
 how an earth can you be in fab mood when its raining it started raining when i was on the bus now my feet are all wet ,0
 this one isn t anywhere near as comfy ,0
is searching the job boards for new and exciting opportunities and turning up nothing ,0
wow insane shooting in altoona its turning so awful ,0
april 7th still snow on the ground ,0
 i foolishly chose cad over scoundrel and am now on a list of computer design geekery ,0
karelman thinking in italy so sorry ,0
i hate snowwhy did it have to come back seeing monsters vs aliens tonight with ,0
flights to the whitsundays are sorted starting to get doms from today s sesh off to bed so i can get up early and go for a run b4 work,0
sick on top of my chronic issueshome work even though i just had 3 weeks off and have a short week this week just so ill blah ,0
more snow this morning here in the adirondacks it s covering my crocus that were coming up ,0
 i m looking for it myself more rain in the forecast for later too ,0
i just want to go awayyyy ,0
my twitter avatar isn t loading ,0
my mac is breaking two weeks after the warranty has expired ,0
why won t my nyt us news rss work in google reader ,0
 no i m old you made it to 1045 whereas i usually only last til 10 ,0
 whispers from bed i m not either ,0
 y am i not following u anymore and its not letting me follow u ,0
wow being 16 sucks so far sick and i cant even listen to my music or sing because my throat and ears are infected oh joy ,0
in college doing nothing ,0
go to class or study ,0
 i hate when that happens ,0
cleaning my room its like a bomb hit it hopefully the money box will turn up ,0
my mouth hurts ,0
just spent 30 minutes knitting tinking reknitting and retinking a row of lace on my swallowtail shawl lace is so relaxing ,0
aaaargh must have broke ,0
kutner cant be dead on house ,0
wants the rain to stop ,0
does not feel herself in these quotbusinessquot clothes ,0
 no little ashes showing in tx ,0
 regan but it should be we are alive in australia we is dedicated,0
getting ready to go to class hitting the gym after that and then studying the rest of the day and into the night ,0
 idk but gettting frustrating i lost about 25 min of rapid tweeting friday too none got sent out of tweetdeck,0
i just want to sleep ,0
stitchin up some sweet woodgrain print jeans today and tonight no partying for me this week ,0
 yep and it s worst because i got my husband sick too we shouldnt have shared that frosty ,0
last day before vacation hip hip hooray hip hip hoorayalarm didn t go off this morning making me unproductive before a very buys day ,0
 oh god no how are you doing now,0
 sorry to burst the sunny bubble but pouring in westboro probs moving its way to you ,0
 dont like my new name superdelicious was already taken yeah that one unless we listened to more than that one,0
spring break isn t as fun as i had wished it was going to be ,0
first time ever that gmail chat craps out on me ,0
i had another scary dream ,0
wishes she was in nyc right now ,0
returning to work ,0
super ill ,0
 hey thanks for the tip yea i tried that one before but couldn t solve anything ,0
 if i am a beta tester for os3 on the iphone can i get mms enabled because i can t at the moment ,0
 billy ray s new album is fantastic i m listening it on itunes i d buy it but it s not out in aus make it come out here,0
 i just looove skins shame that 3rd series is over ,0
 sorry to hear that sweetie ,0
 more os fun muddling thru so i can get my pics up today tho,0
unreliable internet potholes and a phone that doesn t dial properly text formatting is being stripped from some pages any ideas,0
i think my hair is thinning ,0
 i m ok thanks so much for asking sorry i can t respond to dms atm darn tweetdeck is playing up ,0
has a throat infection and is feeling sorry for herself ,0
tuesday this week is going so slow ,0
is oh so sad because i left my andiamo leftovers on my counter at home so much for yummy leftovers,0
new commute record 1hr20min normally lt30min they re adding an emergency second lane to 40 through the canyon tonight,0
gawd in so out of it presentations for my eng class so freakin scary i didn t even finish it i kno i m a bad person ,0
i remember like it was yesterday i miss you ,0
is soo bored and really wants to go to nottingham ,0
counting the minutes in the office today feeling really icky ,0
taking a quiz amp i m cold ,0
greaterlansingwelcome back party for the spartans breslin center 1045 this morning team arrives about 1115 am wish i could go ,0
i guess it just wasnt meant to happen ,0
 i can see it now i was having similar issues last night ,0
been doing eyedrops four times a day for almost a fortnight now i miss every single time and end up with a wet face epic epic fail ,0
wtf i still not feel good ,0
 another bz day college gotta mk a presntn on gibson guitar robot now as a part of microcontrollers course,0
 there s really a group like that they should blend the two words together to form knitter oh wait i guess that s normal ,0
 no use for me i stay in the mountains next to yetis cave no coverage for me ,0
i saw the cutest guy ever in my dream dreams come true right i hope so ,0
so the money they hid in golden square has long gone ,0
 i would say reads of nassau street but that s the dublin equivalent copy centre sorry ,0
working i don t feeeel like working today,0
the only negative about my new panera office the elevator musicsnore kind of annoying actually forgot headphones ,0
taking my dog to the vet soon i hope everythings okay with her ,0
 dang near snowing its snow flurries from sandals to boots again crazy,0
setting up a new vmware image for net dev 2 hours later i m on my 4th windows restart and still haven t got everything installed yet ,0
 i had to reschedule bc a throat infection kept me home yesterday ,0
i just saw a video of grown man from champaignil i can tell donnie s back is hurting him in it his usual hip action is toned way down,0
come home to expect his warm hug amp gets none ,0
is off 2 work ,0
i am sorry to hear about your grandma anything i can do for you,0
just invoked quicksilver now i am over bumptop beta only beings windows for now poor windows and no quicksilver ,0
 almost but still about 2 months short i got mine nov21 and even with the annual upgrade i would still have to wait ,0
is in love with slumdog millionaire such a sweet movie made me sad ,0
 doesn t it just make you feel all sparkly though i miss having a tan ,0
 oh jesus i need some starbucks in my life right now i was gonna be late to work if i picked it up ,0
happy and sad i don t have to go into work until 325 today but i miss out on my 12 asian kids on a bus route ,0
 good luck with your mri hun thinking of ya they are yukky things,0
 arrgh i wish i could download that but it s impossible ,0
i ve had a headache for the last 3 days i don t want to go to school todayyyy,0
 i got shit loads of allergies ,0
sleeping on the floor in portland ,0
nope but they were in uefa cup because they won that copa de la rey thingy,0
coffee keeps me going oh god work again tomorrowm good ol maccas,0
 ok i ll hold back the tears c ya in kansas city,0
wishes he wasn t ill ,0
there woz summin rng with tht cream egg ,0
i want to stay in bed all day ,0
 i know the feeling ,0
major headache coming on whyy mee ,0
sick at work took monday off gonna take tomorrow off,0
wants to ditch class and work to enjoy the windless weather today but knowing nm weather it won t last long,0
lycos 14 year old mascot spider quotrexquot passed away this morning rip friend you will be missed her story ,0
just got home long day at the office again ,0
 my q key broke ,0
waiting for the doctorrrr wee ,0
is still sore from k1 ,0
ive been in the bed since saturday and its tuesday ,0
just had mac n cheese thrown at me i m covered in fake cheese ,0
in pain right now expecting more pain in due time ,0
nobody is twittering ,0
is twitterless ,0
all i want to do is sleep today amp clean not to mention all the baby clothes i have to organize amp my own clothes oh bother ,0
feeling a little better but sound a whole lot worse i wonder what this is is there a doctor in the audience,0
dear pandora my blackberry storm wants you but can t have youyet ,0
i just started crying out of nowhere i hate being here more then anything,0
i gotta check out that new eminem song everyone is talking abouthe s getting some bad reviews by twitterville that i hope isnt true ,0
just woke up and ready to work on some crazy school project no music for me today,0
 i actually dont know i ll call around and let you know in a sec,0
finna clean ,0
is sick bring him soup and hugs please my man cold is extreme,0
 why not ,0
 why is loooove ,0
 why don t i get signal in this student center ,0
watching snow fall in winchester in april ,0
 ive never been so sad in my life lets go back and get her,0
 hey girl i m sorry you still don t feel better ,0
 lol i knowand i m really tired but i m expecting a visitor soon so i can t go back to sleep ,0
 if you leave me i ll be really ,0
ive had a lovely day with my kiddies tyler turned 4 now he is under the weather ,0
so sick with the only hangover and on my way to school ,0
sad day totally thought it was wednesday this morning it s only tuesday gosh sad day ,0
working on my songg for aunt nan kinda hard and crying while i write it ,0
andisweetheartjust read ur twitteri have a huge hug for you guys and ur in my thoughts and prayerslove you and im so sorry ,0
sitting down relax i feel so sick ,0
 ahh s i dnt know what to sayi m friends with all you guys i dnt like this ,0
wanting to put a pic on my profile but don t know how with my phone ,0
 you guys should do your acostic performance at 5 i have a championship meet tomorrow that won t end til then cami,0
can t believe that i have to wake up so early on a saturday wtf ,0
looking for mylilmanalex and can t find ,0
 awww and you are most certainly a bamf you re the new chuck norris that s how ba you are,0
 i so would have come by too sad day,0
i want watch a movie but i dont find my dvd ,0
i just got a lot of free shot up my nose gross anyone find my keys ,0
 aww fun fun i hope you didn t erase them ,0
new lost ep is awesome don t wanna stop watching and get back to work ,0
for the love of raaay j neck relle hurts jeeezelaweeeze ,0
 just going but i gotta drive a bunch of outoftown fam to and fro the wedding so will prob end up not coming home after ,0
time to say by to j last hurrah at kels tonight beers and tears,0
 actually i sold it years ago maybe thatquots why,0
 i dont think so ,0
homework ,0
crap i accidently messed up mitchel musso probably hates me now,0
 i am so sorry god i d love to talk to you honey similar things with my family ,0
ywatching a ovie and horny ,0
is bored stuck inside after the snow storm nothing on tv ,0
but it walked on my pillow ,0
no working in the garden i have chills and a fever the dreaded cold is back booo ,0
 wtf why d they flag it oops and my shitty mouse just click 1star ,0
 my friends forced it back on my tv someone filmed it in their cousins apt amp the hood bar amp kept callin a jeepcherokee a hummer ,0
fuck i feel like i could cry right now ,0
i still have major belly itch bummer dagger is getting a haircut tomorrow it s cold in my apartyment my toilet won t stop running ,0
trying to get rid of a stupid virus off of our computer hubby accidentally opened something ridiculous ,0
 there is i hope that some day bullying isn t tolerated nor is gun violence isn t common ,0
grrrr feel like putting my head in the sand ,0
crashing night everyone,0
 if t woulda got my ticket that rotten mudasucka,0
dropped her laptop off the bed i fail goodnight,0
is it saturday yet friday for most but one more day for me ,0
im doing stupid english homework ,0
 sorry my dog died almost a year ago ,0
chibi is raping his stuffed panda in the face again he won t be six months old until next week i didn t raise him to be like this ,0
today is just not my day ,0
 hahaaahahaaaaahahaahaaaoh sorrywtf were you thinking ,0
i need somes twitter followers ,0
 aww that sucks get well soon sweetie,0
 sorry to hear that but congratulations on the rain a few hours ago if it helps my lawn is just a dust bowl,0
 omg it hadn t quite occurred to me what time it is there poor thing well at least i got realtime hair commentary out of it,0
 can t find them in my rhapsody mayhap you can share sometime,0
 iphone uninsured unlocked ,0
i just bawled my eyes out watching marley and me ,0
work work work work work work ,0
had his calf lock on him again ,0
no the bb thing is starting so sad i think i am going to die x,0
 yeah i agree with yeleysabsb and ladycarolina we appreciated really but it seemed a bit harsh ,0
 i am not kidding they use your id and slide it on the register the id check is automatic but we cant get the vote right,0
 at riot room waiting for the hot wife of fohp s guitar player ,0
 is it true you cant play ds games on the dsi that would suck ,0
whatching prison break sad only four mor episodes,0
 we may have voting power but the lobbyist for the banks have the money power and politicians always usually go for the money ,0
 did you delete your facebook ,0
girls no naughty things for me tonite i can not be a tigress since hubby fell a sleep on the couch bc of boredom,0
omg tennesse is another kansas ugh six more hours left marz,0
 lol sorry haha i thought a try a hot bath didn t work still awake and i am so hating on u and ur ability to sleep ,0
 hungry,0
i have the biggest headache in the world ,0
 ,0
is watching oprah talk about twitter i swore i wouldnt get one and i finally gave in ,0
hates goodbyes ,0
i was experimented on by an alien no un necessary probing though luckily,0
 benny when is afs gonna start touring again i miss all of you ,0
i just ate kfc ,0
 not a good night ,0
to press enter i think i messed up something underneath ,0
 im so sorry hope yours does too god i want you to be okay,0
no loves for me tonight ,0
 no and 720 for 2 handrolls is a bit steep,0
i am at work wishing it was sunday night ,0
 get em gilly see yall in a minute they closed freakin labrea at fountain and im not movin ,0
 i feel your pain my three bffs all have datesno ones asking me ,0
it s only two but i can t ignore the stingy feeling of the blood the reminder makes me feel even worse ,0
fuck i don t want to go to work i should still be in bed with godsolite ,0
 i would love to hang out but sadly i am not going to the show ,0
2 sick couldn t sleep so no class today i actually enjoy school so i m really bummed,0
only one day left i hate school,0
sometimes i wonder where my money goes ,0
 aww i lost mine at home or in the car i ve been searching for it since three weeks ago but i still couldn t find it,0
awkk ive only got two followers not good,0
 boothat s where i ll be sitting too providing i get the show settled quickly enough anyway feel better soon x,0
ok nevermind twitpic doesn t seem to show vertical photos any solution besides the obvious anyone,0
just woke up im still dizzy ,0
its another rainboot day ,0
if i could offer you only one tip for the future sunscreen would be it should have read the mary schmich book ouch ,0
 i wish i was there 2 participate ,0
aaaand there goes that great day rip mrs wever,0
i feel ridiculous and i m blaming you why hjsdkfsdhfjsd,0
is eating his last breakfast on the boat ,0
 are you ok ,0
 i d like to go to madrid to see you but i think it s not possible anyway i ll watch you on tuesday on quotel hormigueroquot ,0
coming home from myrtle beach ,0
 aww that sux get some rest and drink plenty of water feel better ,0
off to do 1000 chores yay have a great day everyone ,0
 sick sucks,0
 1 hand clapping is the usual reaction to my dancing ,0
my stomach is upset this morning i think a treat would help but i may barf if i stand up mom says my tummy sounds are loud and gross ,0
 sounds good i m still working thru easter chocs ,0
at work then school work all dayfinals around the corner i got to get my mind right and go hard,0
trying to work out which of my projects need the most urgent love tempted to go with the easiest not most pressing ,0
 typo in first line so of us some of us not being cheeky just helpful i m still finding them in mine days or weeks later ,0
140 character limit is bsit blows the whole joke if u didnt read the end ,0
 yo where my money im tired of u being out n not bringn home the bacon loli miss u man ,0
i m officially obsessed with fml amp just got the app on my crackberry but why can t i send twitpics it always freezes up ,0
i hate the fung wah bus worse my ipod music library mysertiously deleted apple sucks and fung wah sucks boston till tomorrow fb,0
 coz thats wot the error code says ,0
last night i like killed myself and my arm is all messed up now haha i fell like flat on my facelong story how it happened such a klutz ,0
my internet is somewhat working i want seb ,0
waiting in the cold for a manager to come ,0
can t wait for his ftth nbn connection when all he can get upstream to s is 8 kbps ,0
never expected chennai would lose the match ipl,0
i feel like im not really here feels like im falling drowning i got no idea why i feel like this ,0
can t sleep in anymore ugh ,0
mums yelling at me to go to bed now11 i better go night followers i said night11,0
 can t im already going out ,0
cant believe they actually let wish it was somewhere else tho but it s a start sis isnt gonna be happy oh well,0
chillin with my 1 year old bff juanita for the day she s becoming acquainted with the westindian quoteyequot lol tiredddd as hell ,0
bless this woman has been here for 2hours waiting for her son to come and pick her up awwwwwww i hope he arrives soon ,0
back home had fun but not fully destressed ,0
 hope you aren t getting what s going around it is awful i ve had for a week now ,0
danielle is leaving my place at 1000 ,0
 er i wanna watch it naa cant cause im busyy ,0
has just finished painting me shelfs thank god the bad thing is that if i not done it right i have to do it all over again ,0
too tired to even go under the blanket ,0
that s what i call a quotsuboptimalquot sat night going to a friend to study for an exam till we fall asleep somebody please cheer me up ,0
 crowe s personality and ego are the real heinous bloaty parts wonder if quaid s a nice guy,0
needs someone to talk too ,0
 i want to see sack and moomoo ,0
thinks that there are kittens in our shed we don t even have a kitty,0
 mythics can t queue as a wb any more so it became a big pug fest and you know how well that works,0
 wishing we had an official sxsemia ford car stuck with crappy dodge charger rental ,0
um tweetdeck is being difficult for me farmers market today though,0
 wish i coulda been there x s 10,0
feels lonely every1 is going bk 2 uni ,0
 why can you not come up north and see us ,0
 i stopped by mayahuel for a quick drink on my way home from work but i missed you ,0
 walker granny wshort shorts awe ,0
i know and i can t even come out ,0
i wanna go to park ave i never get to participate in record store day ,0
why is it that someday you look nearly good and the next day you look totally fucked up today is the next day ,0
 lmao no i don t know no strippers he wanted to play and we missed him ,0
 ah ick my sympathies ,0
first semiserious tennis session this morning worked up a proper sweat still a bit too windy to play properly though ,0
 oh johnnie i guess we just weren t raised in an environment where every thing we did was special poor us ,0
i love you wife gotta hang out soon wub you,0
is working at region 5 gymnastics meet while everyone else is enjoying the beautiful sunshine ,0
just so you all know it looks as if mikeyy s back ,0
its so nice out and i m chained to my school books ,0
im so lonely ,0
 the ability to write scripts to integrate with twitter is one advantage but really it just shows how much of a geek i am ,0
is trying to catch a wounded bird outdoor but he s even too fast for me ,0
 that s a scam and i m in your neighborhood with my mom so i can t stop ,0
 noooi hate when this happensmy mom wasn t able to get the paper sighed and now i cant go skate with my friends in nh boho,0
 lol i did read it of course i just wanted to be a secret agentsigh you tread on my dreams as yeats would say ouch,0
ughi was doing so good too ,0
doing my best to figure out how to tweet trying to upload my photo ,0
i think i drove on it too long ,0
man what s that i m not your enemy please get off me meinvz so ein shice i didn t do anything it s hard as a man ,0
being hungover after being drunk isn t fun ,0
not feelin so hot tryin to lay low ,0
yeaaah would ve been good to know that record store day in canada does not include the leonard cohen record i wanted ,0
 uh oh i bought the wrong deo waaaah i don t want my kilikili to smell like luya ,0
 depressing i m ok this morning,0
what a nasty rainy day out today ,0
ugh up so quotlatequot i ll be sitting at the dealership all day ,0
 aaaw sel it s okay sje probably understands ,0
not in touch with the world didnt know that the ipl is happening in south africa thought warney was just around the corner ,0
i hate cleaning my kitchen ,0
such a nice day out and i m stuck at work ,0
he s so sweet not going out with his friends to sort out things with me i don t think it s gonna work out though too much has happened ,0
 first game is at noonits raining ,0
damn its too nice outside for my car to be dirty ,0
still want to meet a nice man who wants to have nice experiences together missing intimacy i am ,0
 oh great love ya poor thing it s not happening in so near future ,0
bad night sore bottom and arm no fun ,0
reading amp crying at eclipse rosalie always gets me ,0
 i was so disappointed with plurk lol i didn t update mine for a while when i checked my karma it was down to 00 sad,0
im sorry brian p,0
is sad no onimusha 2 ,0
saturday class is no good ,0
 mehhh opensource tools and apps rarely do in my experience ,0
homework ,0
 sorry can t help there ,0
trying to convince former bonny rpers to set aside their skepticism about last night s awesomeness and give this another go failing ,0
 you looked pretty i eloped no wedding pics for me ,0
swindon draw blackburn lose man this is turning into a nightmare season ,0
ah i had a dream that i woke up and there was a snow outside ah it sucked but it s a nice day got a meeting at 130 work from home ftw,0
can t find my brown shoes ,0
did not enjoy his movie 2 thumbs down ,0
 i don t know about outdoor sports all year golfing in august is not pleasant stillnotreadyfor100degreeweatherbutluvphx,0
 stop being so mean to lauren ,0
taking the pups for a hike with natalie at south mountain but no tobin this weekend boooooooo,0
 before or after or both haha who we have totoys well there s a new one who s name i don t know can t wait for monday,0
hey who is anthony anderson get your sweetbadazz to invite me again to tweet with youi couldn t log in so i lost the link ,0
like ohhh crap 13 more days of high school i miss you losers already lt3 i so do not wanna move ,0
goodmorning my twitters i m getting ready to get my eisom tooth tooken out pray for me lol i don t want to go,0
today really feels like spring how many days until our next snow i miss it ,0
is at home nursing his cold my friend called me this morning with an extra long beach grand prix ticket a no go for me ,0
i swear our spring break went superrrrr fast ,0
last day of bowling tonite so sad its a beautiful day outside i plan to go out once dylan takes a nap a much needed nap,0
 that s a real bummer ,0
is doing well with this jewish essay ,0
don t know why some people take rss for ku klux klan i pity them ,0
 i wish i actually could have made it there ,0
homework because i have nothing better to do ,0
has a hangover from last night ,0
 there are no cats in boston none ,0
 aww badness hope you can buy another pretty one,0
 aaw aren t they great we have two silly cats and our little pooch daphne who is smaller than both cats the cats are huge ,0
 i made it to 1150 last night and then i talked lol i suck,0
im lonely keep me company 22 female springfield massachusetts,0
ok so i still aint found my momma wtf umm myspace and facebook are so much easier,0
right now i wish i had a decent desktop ,0
needs a new jacket but cant find one ,0
wanna have who you callin money grubbin by the beach girlz ,0
ohuh my phone gonna ran out of battery soon i wanna go home,0
going out not gonna be fun xx,0
just got a puncture riding home from work am bowing walking a mile home ,0
today s weather really sucks compared to yesterday ,0
 about how many are there i got stuck oncall this weekend and i m working with a downed server right now ,0
 that s just what my face looks like ,0
poor myk got teh sick he s gonna be miserable on our vacation,0
what a shame you can t type persian with tweetdeck so bad cos it s a good app,0
 yeeeah dont laugh about me its well interessting d,0
lacross games cancelled today curses to you rain ,0
 the sunny day went away make it come back,0
 i hear ya i m at about 1000 it was due in weeks ago ,0
feels like shes been through the wars and i ve only been to work mann my head and feet cane ,0
 you can have mine she s well behaved btw the game was another repeat ,0
no games today for the knights playing two games tomorrow at 12 and 2 pm et,0
is sooo hungry to bad the dc is closed ,0
 it makes me sad that i won t be seeing you ,0
 dusting and ironing on my agenda ,0
it s hammocking weather too bad the hammock is stuck in my storage unit ,0
so much for blockparty martian death flu and a breakin in my apartment forcing me to come home early,0
watching hudds vs rhinos on sofa with busted hip ,0
this rick ross album makes me wish i had a car ,0
i have a bit of a hangover amp alot of crap to do bummer ,0
im lonely keep me company 22 female new orleans louisiana,0
 i was tearing up i gotta admit ,0
saving up is too hard especially when mathew willaimson s line for hampm starts thursday xo,0
ugggghhhh que maldito hangovabut i had a blast last nightgood times good times all good things must come to an end eventually ,0
 i am confused i dont know what screename is please answer back because i really want to know,0
i will eat but pffff ,0
 aww that s right ,0
i would love to be outside right now ,0
eyes are so droopy but alarm clock has completely woken me up ,0
hot zombie black chick got her head bashed with a fire extinguisher ,0
sore throat ,0
just made this account to test of the site checks account creation date it does not ,0
i m hungry and lonely ,0
 i wish i could north ontario here still cold as hell ,0
my computer crashed booooooooo ,0
on train home full of saturday shoppers and daytime drinkers oh what a life it must be to have a saturday off work ,0
 it was sad more than anything ,0
damn today was the aspca wag n walk i wanted to go damn sucky weather,0
lamentably i am today saturday in the work ,0
my left eyeball hurts ugh and they re both dry and itchy f u wind f uuuu,0
instantly regret eating mini pizza wish i had time this morning to pack lunch run 1mil miles later,0
listening to some dance music getting dressed for tonight yeah no booze tho ,0
 my dog sam i miss you ,0
its always at this time that i dont want to switch off the com ,0
damn no luck with the acdc tix ,0
 i was downtown all day yesterday i didnt get to the garment district tho ,0
 ouch not good ,0
going to the circuskinda bummed cuz i m missing a casino trip for this but hopefully it ll be fun,0
listening to top 40 super pumped for the fights can t decide what to wear ,0
got 14 hours of sleep on the other hand i had another bad driving dream ,0
 do it start feelin guilty ,0
so sucks that i cant see mia and lil wayne do sunshowers ,0
got way too drunk last night and fell down i really should stop drinking and making a fool of myself,0
i cannot receive text messages on my phone anymore ,0
awesome hd 1000fps slomo vid the camera looks expensive ,0
about to start the final volume of death note i m going to miss this series once its done ,0
i screwed up big time ,0
so tired ,0
connection not good too much intruption asot400,0
wish i could watch im out of town and only mobile _,0
 i hope you ll come to germany one day i really would like to see you guys live one day ,0
sad to know arsenal lost to chelsea in fa cup ,0
stupid female biology has me feeling really sick played soccer with my dog a little but i m exhausted and in pain gah t please,0
 yes ,0
 i just got here siren you can t go ,0
 takes a bite these are really good cookies to bad you can t try them maybe i can share them with jake if he comes over,0
why you should not publish bidvertiser ads i need my google adsense back ,0
upset that some of my favorite bands aren t playing warped this year ,0
streaming is down in here asot400,0
doubleheader at les today only 2 more home series left in the season ,0
wants more celebrities to come to england i miss florida real bad ,0
apparently i am not aloud to drink while taking photos no free beer for me ,0
on my way to becky s wedding byebye sister ,0
my kid is wheezingagain i surely don t wanna go to the er ,0
all this negativity sucks ,0
no video no audio nothing nooooooooooooo asot400,0
 shame it won t make it to iplayer ,0
no gaga for me and shows all sold out,0
finished off da heavy packingcannot sleep though oh well ill just hang out,0
 yeah sure was got beat again ,0
 hmm musical is not really my thing but i ll see what i can do for you i m off to bed now have a headache nn xoxo,0
s wow skillz are a little rusty ,0
 oh no sorry to hear that ,0
why is it that i love all the things i shouldn t it s very unhealthy it s going to be the death of me one day ,0
knee still not ready good luck to my squad pacrim all stars,0
 although half the wins are against wsh ,0
 ee sheft shloon ,0
 do u even get to know me messages ,0
 hey demi why do you not come to austria and yeah i wish you a good flight ,0
no commencement speech para mi ,0
 i d feel pretty lonely hitting outback alone ,0
 it is beautiful but a bit out of my price range right now ,0
there s a fox in the garden hide,0
at my brothers grave ,0
i want my friends baaacck ,0
 yep it does doesn t it ,0
omg why wats going on people ,0
 thanks boo but today i have on a flannelplaid shirt and got in trouble boo wish you would of joined in area ox,0
goin for a run and then showerin and back to torts ,0
what s worse than dropping your macbook pro dropping it onto your iphone ,0
 who the heck is the fat then cuz thats not nice ,0
so instead of running i just spent copious amounts of time buried in the code of my website epic nerd fail i suck,0
i want my ipod to work again ,0
i miss sam a lot and i want mcfly to come tour in canada,0
 me too its so boring no you and no kirsten ,0
 iii know ,0
in the apple store today jack said quotmommy i have to peeawwww too latequot opps,0
 she amp morena are in orlando panel was 121 pm so if one upping her in your con prank war was the plan it s too late ,0
is sick of it here ,0
hates how i have allergy from dogs but i m a dog person,0
 it got cancelled hrs ago ,0
 oh i could do with it to finance the quothelp olly pay for an imacquot campaign,0
 happy birthday why is it so bad ,0
completely disinterested in the fa cup this year what with it being hidden away on setantashitv ,0
steaks checkside dishes checkpropane whoops ,0
 if they are i think my mum helped me she suggested jude law and a semester abroad i dunno though that seems a little strange ,0
 i went with the yellow i m feeling bloated and fat i need to lose 10 pounds stat,0
 ughh don t do dat falls on me ass again brb ,0
trying to figure twitter out i dnt get it ,0
sittin in tha car on my way to dads ,0
i have a lovehate relationship with weekends love no work hate lonely ,0
i am still going through all the stuff in my room there is no place to put it i have no shelves ,0
nice and warm up at nd today but cloudy hope it says niceish tonight,0
26 mile ride today got to see my brotherinlaw and his family good day so far yard work may be the plan for the afternoon ,0
 now i m sick so i may have to be quarantined when you guys are up i ll live in the closet ,0
again back to ubuntu 810 form fedora ,0
 stinko that you didn t get to go to the bday party ,0
it didn t work ,0
i don t get it ,0
my view of thhe game ,0
working on a beautful day ,0
forgot to start the drier so his towels are still wet is it drier or dryer,0
loving lifehubs missing out being indoors ,0
yeah definitely not going to the astros game tonight ,0
 and medon t feel bad ,0
my beellly hurts so just laying around thinking about a bunch of stuff textme,0
 aw mr schofe how dare people accuse you of being so irresponsible ,0
goin to work on this beautiful day pizza math,0
another wasted saturday night ,0
 i know erin i was literally sobbing over quotmarley amp mequot soooo sad ,0
 oh no ,0
allergies wtf only klamath would do this to me btwmanreet scott and sita are you studying for bio ,0
 ahahaa your a loser ,0
oh hi guys just woke up again i hate being sick cause all i do is sleep ,0
in long beach our flight doesn t take off until 450 but i m almost home mexico was amazing but damn i m bored i m the airport,0
got lost on the way to the hike ended up at the ocean and now drinkin in weho,0
why can t even women close doors without slamming them jeeeezzz ,0
why is our line is messing up ,0
asot400 only see colours no picture ,0
between moments of greatness good friend pam s mom just passed great woman huge contributor changed many lives,0
i want to go swimming but no one to go with ,0
lost ma phone man this is da worst bday weekend everi wish someone can brightin up ma day ,0
i think i am failing at life right now ,0
outside wif my laptopworking on a playlist for my outing with mikepollen is makin my throat itchy ,0
 idkjus a couple ppl r on on mi page ,0
 i never even noticed the abba shirt i m a lousy fan ,0
work lt prom dinner with friends ,0
 oh that sucks ,0
i would say this shoe shopping trip was a fail i only left with 5 pairs ,0
 i miss you girl 2 days and school and then enlace anacecii,0
still has to do school work and is not looking forward to it ,0
pfff when do i have some free time always busy i need some time off ,0
 i tried to use talkshoe once and stopped because it was crashing i was really disappointed,0
mii m0ni i have huge headache ,0
watching one last episode of doctor who before hitting the books not because i want to but that s the last dvd i received via netflix ,0
don t send me text messages cause my phone isn t receiving them ,0
i need to find my disc so i can update my spyware stuff and antivirus stuff ,0
gutted about arsenal resultespecially as other half a chelsea fan ,0
it was supposed to be warm today now its raining ,0
ugh my hair got so long ugh haircut asap but i cant ,0
i miss my nephew and sissy 13 more hours of the car ride back home,0
 tweet up no one invited me ,0
 i tried youtube no luck yet how long was she on for,0
ugh i hate disappointing my friends told them i was going to a party and now i can t because i have to study now that i can see again,0
 why ,0
currently sitting in jeans that i ve worn way past their use by date can t stop wearing them mainly cause they re my only pair ,0
 sending good thoughts i m sorry call me if you need me,0
is moving to georgia this summer ,0
just watched the notebook its so sad ,0
 it s almost over ,0
tryin to upload a pic but its not working ,0
great to see my lover but she is gone again ,0
 sorry we missed it ,0
my celtics garnett wher r u cavsgreat king jamesextraordinary,0
 season is almost done with babe ,0
walking around asian garden mall haven t been here in ages last time i bought some trancetechno cds ,0
i really am not a fan of grocery shopping done in record time but lines r long ,0
i ve had so many probs w my twitter app this week finally seems to be back to normal we ll see,0
give it a name tomorrow gotta get up early ,0
 but it went in my eye like half of the pot ended up over my face grrrrrr,0
big layoffs at rare apprently ,0
so turns out the 2nd gift i bought my roommate already got that too but the baby outfits i also bought were a hit,0
yep snowed in snow is changing to rain and the snow is heavy and wet snowblower out of gas asot400,0
is not going to the concert anymoremigraines loud music aren t a good mixture ,0
 awwww that suckssssss xoxo,0
 yeah that would be fun same time as the movie release too i missed prophecy in 07 it was in toronto ,0
 just yesterday i was wondering when you d come to phillybut i m in new jersey tonight dammit,0
kinda bummed that i missed copeland the other day ,0
i think i forgot how to shoot with natural light it s been so long since i ve even shot outside ,0
the code never leaves me alone uggg i was planning on gardening but i think the code will eat my time today ,0
 cousin not coming because of her senior project which isnt due for another fing 2 weeks amp its just an art projectridiculous,0
being bored at a competition wishing i was at marissa s sweet sixteen ,0
walking home its freezing cold outside ,0
 wooooooooo finally i got a feed on winamp ive been out for an entire effin hour ,0
urgh iweb is so difficult to work with they make you think its a template but its really not ,0
 unfortunately no but gotta love the cowbell anyway p,0
has her head full of a guy who knows nothing about what she s going through ,0
 i did in one picture ,0
made some tamalesi gotta clean up my mess now ,0
how come every time i eat something my stomach hurts afterwards i m really starting to hate food ,0
i got bored so i slept now i m a little sad ,0
the nice starbucks man ruined my chai frappereally it was on such a good streak too ,0
was invited to the buy design party by someone but then he sold my ticket to someone else ,0
 now there s even more reason for me to come over now i want coffee but i can t ,0
is sunburnt from track ,0
bored miss my boo ,0
 cardinals lostagain,0
someone is mowing threw me offlimp now ,0
stupid blackberry my memorys crap ,0
 ahh i don t think i can tonite ,0
 ,0
wanting 2 b with the babe but he s working he gotta make that paper 4 us tho,0
tumblr wont let me sign in ,0
apparently i m a bat and apparently chris doesn t need me ,0
how depressing an empty tic tax box ,0
what did mj s tweet say anybody please it didnt come to my phone ,0
 i only had 11 to spend ,0
anticipating smack from mavs fans ,0
still at office working on coursework ,0
i miss my family ,0
there is not enough time in a day ,0
 sorry i missed you had to run home to start preparing dinner will we see you for the panel tomorrow morning at 1115,0
the spring break blues have hit i m so bored i ran out of photos to manip and captioned tweets ,0
really needs to sort out this insomnia crap 430am again and still wide awake ,0
 aw i hope that makes you feel better im having a pizza amp movie night to remedy my mood ice cream sounds good though,0
 we ate already but if you wanted to come over with food no one would be offended,0
 thanks for the invite girlbut im still tired from last night ,0
i want to accept this loss but its just not in me right now there still has to be a chance,0
lily allen came to philly tonight and hid those ticktes that could have been me ,0
i wish that i would have been in texas tonight there is nothing better than a free all time low show,0
good night and it s still only day four ,0
 yeah yeah i want my bunny ears ,0
not much to say i m just missin him ,0
nfg played an amazing set again i got tons of video for you to see no better off dead sorry ,0
watching slumdog millionaire omg it breaks my heart to see these kids in those conditions i m sad horrified amp can t bear to watch ,0
wine rossofreddo chilled red w slice of peach sangiovese blend during meal pics didn t work svago is now in my top 5 was amazing,0
a walk to remember ,0
 oh wow i dont go on poupee anymore but the mag is called sweet,0
is eating sweet tarts i am thinking about ice cream instead something positive is keeping me entertained i chose it over video games ,0
 hey ashley not much couchsurfing downtown staying in tonight but might walk host s dog to main st in a bit how bout u,0
got a binary clock on my itouch but now i can t see my aperature science battery ,0
tonight proves the need for a laptop ,0
 i got soaked last night it stopped raining,0
is hoping the person taken away in the ambulance by summerwood is going to be okay lights and sirens leaving sceme is not a good sign ,0
is sick of the damn snow ,0
turn this shit off plz ,0
sam had to hang up i am now alone once more ,0
cui c ng c i scim xong nguy n nh n scim kh ng chy l cha complete remove skim ,0
 i dropped by your room to give you gaga but you weren t there i left it in your mailbox brit should be back wednesday,0
asot400 how much is the rocket ticket to the moon i can t find it online ,0
 lmaooo leave thatitans alone i cant believe i missed u 2day ,0
reading a really good book tonight and tomorrow night are the last nights in my bed for a week bed i ll miss you,0
a bit worried sun coming up amp no sleep managed yet despite temazepam ,0
my ankle hurts now ,0
emeryville is a very fenceheavy city also i ve never met a fence i couldn t climb but now my hands are dirty ,0
 yeah because when ever i try to use my iphone on wireless no work geekmeet,0
my phone is still broken i m camping with work again so it won t really bother me until tomorrow ugh ,0
poor soup can ,0
 i missed it glad it was boring and i didnt miss anything good,0
 i m going out of town on wednesday till next week ,0
 yes i can t wait to see i could have been an extra but i couldn t make it to toronto ,0
i m praying for her relationship with the lord that s the only way she will find happiness ,0
just ripped my new tank trying to take a tag offawesome goodnight,0
 aw i miss you too ,0
watching the blazers getting their asses kicked ,0
finishing up some schoolwork assignments due tomorrow and this is finals week argh,0
what what are you talking about i i didnt i didnt mean agh you caught me ,0
 i know dont want to go to school ,0
does not want to do her projects tomorrow at all wanna help,0
death cab was sooo goood my boyfriends not answering his phone guess im sleeping in my dorm tonight ,0
 i know right with his fronting ass damn well you got to chill with him ,0
 ooops i had a bug but i fixed it try that tiny url again,0
 linds did i tick you off in your lj post i can t get to it anymore i hope i didn t ,0
facebook thinks i m still in texas i m getting emails about concert listings in houston ,0
 just beat me at go fish i hate that game,0
 i m too bummer no ginobili will b an uphill battlewas talking trash to broi ll b quiet til monday ,0
 cedskis cake is gone he said ppl ate it all amp he omly got a slice ,0
wishing things were different ,0
oklahoma weather sucks my power is going off and on loa shall be posted tomorrow sorry ,0
going to call pizza hut delivery for lunch nobody is at home ,0
hmm im usually dead right about nightugh skool mondaylooong springeaster break ugh no more oprah ellen or kathie lee and hoda ,0
 sorry just have a dog dying ib front of me ,0
i can t stay awake right now so i guess i was wrong about coming back ,0
 so lucky sun was out here but warm enough to bathe in ,0
watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix need to start working but got work on the mind 12 hours in hell tomorrow fun ,0
redundant pieces of code lying here and there stealing beauty and elegance from the projects s source ,0
 stop trying to steal babies i have to get up at 6 ,0
i wish break would never end ,0
 i am sorry ttt i dont have sb cake pic that was in my phone when it died and i lost all my pics ,0
never want to leave australia only one week left ,0
sorta sad okay really sad dangit how can people be so mean,0
back to school tomorrow ,0
 i need u to hushi got bored damnitthis mfer getn on my nerves miss my guy ,0
tanned and had dinner with my dad now two john cusack 80s films quotthe sure thingquot amp quotone crazy summerquot all that is missing is my bfff ,0
not enough time in a day ,0
wishes she was in americaa to follow lily allens clues and get to see her shes amazinggg,0
i need a pickmeup ,0
 ,0
i m ready to go home but still have a month ahead of me ,0
 theyre gonna be about 2 hrs away from me but i spent all my on spring concerts so i can t afford any more this year ,0
mmmm study study study ooof procrastination such an aggravation,0
 it always makes me tear me,0
i hate when i have to get up early ,0
 i don t think we re going to seeing the smb consumer product uptake in the linux market for a couple more years unfortunately ,0
how can i be so bored when i have so much to do ehmight as well go to bed ,0
 hungry,0
is already sleepy had a good time at montana s for cody s 23rd bday me and the broken ankle had to leave early ,0
 you and bsb just took a nose dive 12 years of my life wasted disappointing very disappointing ,0
i don t know if i should just go to sleep or to stay up tonight since it is the last night of spring breakk ,0
lol im so bored i only have ten more days till my cell cant text no more,0
 but its 105 am amp theres none in the house ,0
bed time work noon tomorrow i miss mary already ,0
hoping i don t pick up the flu from rebecca ,0
 i wish i had seen them in sf i had the show on the same night ,0
wants to find but is stumped ,0
take a deep breath cough repeat ,0
still up n counting down thw last hours of my vacation ,0
so i have tonsillitis and strep throat yay stupid mouthwash is numming my mouth i hate being sick ,0
 right now it hurts anytime that i move i m going to take some more pills and try to go to sleep soon,0
 no kidding i think we may finally have it going but it is past my bedtime this is now gonna take all night sato48,0
where are all my followers going please follow pleeeeeease,0
 yeah it s not gonna let me back in i m still watching though hopefully i can still go next time love you though,0
got damnit who s smart idea was it to wait until the last fuckin 24 hours to do 5 term papers oh wait that d be me ,0
i am not looking forward to tomorrowwayyyy too much to do ,0
 lmao o yea that poor fella haha but umm i come every summer but i just might watch that i hear good things,0
 i don t see anything on rocky help save rocky email ,0
forget about what i said about feeling better i think i have pink eye now,0
rummicube just started and i haven t put anything down ,0
laying on my grandmas bed i m about to fall asleep ,0
just got stuck backstage at the killers my camera is fkuked ,0
 chi town all day my nigga livin in wack ass cali ,0
push sucked ugh i think i actually just threwup in my mouthbleh ,0
 yes it was a killer never cried so much in my life ,0
had a blast in austin with katie six and ashley back in dallas for one more night of texas tomorrow it s back to pa ,0
blazers lost huge at least i m about to eat a good raw steakgot to move past this game and focus on game 2,0
 u were right about the fake nicki twitterloluhmi feel really unloved since u dont reply anymore ,0
 i wish you were with me too ,0
 july when term is over everything is up in the air and i can t tell you how pleased i am with all that fucking pleased ,0
sleepfinally work 7am though ,0
the nba playoffs started but today s very first gameceltics v bulls didn t go well for the celtics ,0
he s leaving on a jetplane ,0
i need to figure out stuff i m so frustrated ,0
 i need you to fix my elliptical trainer it squeaks ,0
 oooohhhhhh sorry is he a texan too,0
why did get this kpop song stuck in my head ,0
 i guess there s a readathon in april amp in octoberguess ima have to participate in the one in october ,0
laying down friggin mad didn even do anything this weekend wanted ta party hardy ampamp drink bacardy ,0
back were out of cheese balls,0
still clubbin last call aint til 330 but i have hiccups already ,0
i am humbled read quotraising godly tomatoesquot and realized i ve been too focused on myself and my wants rather than raising godly children ,0
 i don t think that we re going to make it tonight girls but we did our best would be proud,0
gnight peepz i think i cant sleep ,0
just over an hour till the china gp starts sadly i will not be watching it live f1,0
watching the very last episode of the fresh prince makes me feel sad all over again ,0
 poor gig ,0
 hehe yeah i failed tho wasn t prepared at all ducked it up only did a mile s how are you i need to text you more i thinks xx,0
 that must have been really awful ,0
 i m sorry ,0
so behind the scenes footage caught me doing something i am very apologetic for really sorry kevin ,0
this editing is taking its toll on my brain ,0
i m a newbie to twitter and i m not sure what to make of it i really should be sleeping ,0
wish i knew how ughlosing money is not a good feeling me dont know how to play ,0
i m lonely ,0
the flickr addon for firefox isn t working on du anymore any alternatives,0
just finished making brownies i m so hungry must stay away from the chocolate very bad ,0
the mouse is longer than my old one so it s harder to press the buttons also i need to change the sensitivity ,0
he took down the chat again ,0
i think i m gettin sick ,0
 i knoo riteee ughh,0
i just got unfollowed by 3 people in the last three hours haha i don t really care though i didn t know those people to begin with,0
 revolutionary road didn t get all that good reviews unfortunately ,0
cant taste her ice cream due to stuffy nose worst thing ever,0
man i haven t watched tv in weeks what s wrong with me ,0
 facepalm sorry might go delete that last tweet,0
this is not tbombs ,0
i wish i had money for that woot i will end up paying full price later,0
 i dont get rudd money stupid government,0
 remember the good old days when the quota squot were 1 missing those days ,0
 the same bird that told everyone at school ,0
been a long day tomorrow is the last day of spring break and i need to get homework done ,0
i wanted to crawl in the snuggie with bunny ,0
quiet night at home never did get in a quotwhoop whoopquot i ll try to make my life a little more interesting so it s worth reading xo mr,0
i hope cal day amp picnic day davis are not scheduled on the same day next yearthat was bummer i wanted to go to both ,0
wait it gets worse i m getting sick ,0
i can t find my beret my thickler my ballpens and hanky gaaaaaaaaaaadddd i need them tomorrow ,0
i would kill to have him here with me ,0
i hurt my thumb can t twitter as much ,0
sleeping worky work tomorrow 105 ,0
the sundae wasn t as delicious as i thought it would b ah welli ll add it 2 the list of lost soldiers n the pregnancy battle,0
got a synopsis for 13 to life by from the textnovel site but no cover art yet ,0
wish someone quotfamousquot could help raise awareness about delaradarabi but i guess that s not glam enough ,0
says that i probably won t even go and i hate boys,0
 u went to the beach today i m so jealous ,0
 failed indeed ,0
 aw took everythin in me to keep my ppl from walkin out on thatthat movies kinda good but it dont go nowhere ,0
witching hour call for a domestic desturbance poor lady she s really upset and looks hurt k9s here,0
 yeah i cried though ,0
 just sitting down to watch the gp but would rather be on hcr how s it going matey,0
 heh yar and apparently most men aren t creative it s a sad sad world ,0
 the 27th is the last day you have to try it let me know when you want it i ll hook it up ,0
getting ready for a nummy roast dinner with mah family in other news heath ledger rocked the joker poor heath ,0
 how s the weather in la only spent a few hours there on a changeover for a plain to kauai didn t like lax ,0
 i like some of the killers music but i have always thought they sounded terrible live ,0
i miss the show ,0
 sorry to hear you had some glitches again tonight heading home for the 20th,0
aryayush and preshit twitter doesn t seem to be the place where anyone is interested in your queries i ve learnt it the hardway ,0
i think hates me ,0
lunch yum cha sharks lost again won four meat trays in the club raffle a few beers overlooking bay love sunday arvos,0
 aw poor weeder herberts why do people feel the need to spoil lovely things,0
i m gutted my car has been written off why can t people look when they pull out especially when my babies were in the back ,0
safety car start boo f1 i m all for safety i m boo ing the rain more than the car,0
 it s rainining a lot what about you,0
 diddy has left the building tweet bluddy tweet thnks 4 dat diddy live gt ,0
 haha that video is soo sick i want to be there ,0
watched twilight with vanessa i never get tired of edward lol my feet have tons of ant bites i m so sleepygoodnight,0
cheering up waking up coffee kicking in why is it that i always get hungry and want to go to mcd s at 3am on sat when it s swamped ,0
 lmao yeah they are i need to go to bed too i gotta be up in 5 hrs ,0
nothing at all ,0
 i know but don t be jealous i m in bs as boooooo i ll be there next week to play in the freak party p,0
it s 3am and tyler is up wanting to play ,0
i could care less about the drama threads that are there for two seconds i do miss talking to my girls at home,0
 i hate living in australia sometimes,0
is on myspace facebook msn and doin work ,0
trying to find the driver for my interface so it works on my laptop but my brother isn t online to ask him which version of osx i have ,0
 ugh killme worthy i am listening to brandon heath though but i want to be with youuuu ,0
after chillin with and i now want a blackberry i felt left out today ,0
wants rock band 1 but he s 10 short ,0
 rain rain rain they started behind the safety car f1,0
got up early to watch the f1 but with the rain and sc it s more like watching traffic go by on the m25 on a wet monday morning ,0
weather is so warm head spinning feel like puking need ice cream ,0
 it does that sometimes ,0
wondering what to do with the day too tired to move ,0
i m so exhausted but i can t sleep ,0
update montaaaaaaage everything i hoped for really no brooklyn ghost investigations or st patrick s day though ,0
i hate homeworks i don t wanna go to school on monday ,0
excema is back oh no,0
lol i cain t keep up with thisbeen away and i missed out on ashton and demi getting the 1000000 followers ,0
 cant find any catch phrases for my design,0
online for like 4 mins about to go to bedd ,0
 u prolly were naked lol ik drunk ,0
 i feel neglected now ,0
i have been up an hour already on a sunday too ,0
im watching step sister from planet weird i love old school disney whoa i ate subway too fast tummy ache ,0
im making sweet love to my pepto bismol right now in between barf sessions ,0
 yes to the pic thing and i don t have any of their new music ,0
 unfortunately i don t like ben and jerry s ,0
 did it involve furbys ,0
 aww zack i love you people who don t even know you ampwrite mean things online are retards hot atl boy gt annoying stalkers,0
just watched seven pounds feel vaguely depressed ,0
 i m sorry for you ,0
just going to look for the paracetamol it has been a while since i had a good nights sleep,0
wanting to pull an all nighter but nothing 2 do internet is only good for so long omg i want pink sunglasses,0
im so not in the mood for work today i dont wanna go ,0
sooo tired and smelly ,0
long distance relationships blowwww ,0
wow neighbor to my right is blasting 300 woke me up ,0
cant sleep on this stupid bus ,0
wants to know how come i always get sick when i have something fun to do the next day ,0
i ve been in the car for 12 hours no fucking joke we went to santa cruz for 30 mins then had to go hella ghey,0
it s been 3 days since i ve heard from my boyfriend i wish was my mother i know she d make me some fried comfort food ,0
chilln felt like i had an unproductive day ,0
fark i can t be sick one week before fashion week ,0
it sucks cuz i sorta want to sleep but the friend s hubby is watching tv on my bed ie the couch i m sad ,0
 britney i need you ,0
sleep tight everyone in the real world tomorrow will be taping and mudding have a great rest of the weekend you all hate renoes ,0
 honestly because the people above me are having a party with loud music and yelling and sex having apparently too loud ,0
last day before back to college noo ive enjoyed being off so much going to write up my history essay and then maybe do some maths ,0
 yeah i think that s a bit mean ,0
this is killing me i know i should have left without saying goodbye,0
 my sunday almost over ,0
 is sad n it makes me sad amp didn t come i was excited about meeting u cracked on my carpal tunnel,0
great it s nice and sunny and i have wee dose of the cold ,0
 i m jealous you went to the cherry blossom festival ,0
 i am here romeo but in italy ,0
 i double that,0
getting ready for work ,0
i have been reminded once again why i should not drink excessively ,0
 no sound ,0
is back to school tomorrow ,0
i had a dream last nite that i could twitter from my fone one thing i hate bout my fone ,0
i threw my sign at donnie and he bent over to get it but it was under a thingee so he made a sad face at me ,0
 i want to watch that but mum has control of the tv crashed into a car today ,0
fiance s mother been taken ill so we re both heading upto birmingham until at least fri ,0
 hey gerard its hard to get your comics in indonesia you know i hope i can read it but i cant find it here ,0
 u went to new york n didnt take me lol,0
 thanks me too ,0
oh dear last day of te holidays back to school tomorrow yay,0
im so sad my dog died yeasterday ,0
 would be nice to see another vettel win but either way i won t see it cos about to go out now ,0
 lucky you ve got your pipesthroat infection in my neck of the woods ,0
i will be glad when these twitter tech people fix my account ,0
 goodmerntin i am work make it happen amp someday was on earlier yay i have a sore tooth also ,0
i ate some easter egg for breakfast ahhh not good so much to do today and so little time ,0
school tomorrow yuck winter uniform,0
don t get gassed alcohol will only make you feel worse i miss her soooo much and i don t know what to do to stop hurting ,0
 yes ryan and i are leaving in the morning and i ll be ninang x 4 with no gifts cause i m broke i feel bad,0
eating steakhouseyakoya batal krn tutup ,0
i should have been sleeping an hour ago 140 am sigh still pulling together some loose ends for my 29th birthday celebrations,0
 hahah i m pretty sure she didn t she went into ae though and one of my work friends there met her,0
 awwwww your dad stil hasn t sorted everything out with the solictor and crap yet,0
working at cirque du soleil and missing out on all this glorious soleil ,0
richmond lost ,0
 can t imagine living in a place where i was scared to open a window that must suck ,0
enjoying the f1 whilst updating fs profiles back to work tomorrow ,0
still can t fall asleep ,0
fuckkkkkkk force india out f1,0
aaron is not feeling the best today ,0
 its worse than the normal version but it does make me laughwould much rather be watching that than be at work ,0
 well ive never even been on a plane before ,0
 up horribly early havnt eaten any brekkie ,0
 yes we should also there is someone sleeping on my sofa and i d hate to abandon her ,0
 happy sunny day happy birthday jade for was it friday happy sunday unhappy going back to school tomorrow lol xx,0
 haha retro moment i m pretty certain i ll get the job it went really well meg she s fine she s dreading going back to uni ,0
 yeah and gusse who has to spend four hours in the car going to and from chelmsford i m not looking forward to today ,0
 so debs isn t going to come along with you next weekend ,0
 asot400 i missed him too ,0
absent today aah i got an f in the project i wish we have an excuse absent,0
everything just went on paid orgramming mode goin to bed,0
not feeling very well today ,0
kimi overtakes two cars in the closing laps but its not enough he finishes 10th with no points ,0
hungoververy this is what you get for partying and drinking and dancing all night i don t regret a minute though,0
school starts tomorrow dont want to go,0
so apparently mathpew isn t much of a tweeter kinda dissapointed ,0
nothing like sleeping in your dress and secondly i d rather be at home to many days away from my son ,0
not even a press conference f1,0
i m tryna get on twitter but my tyranical little brother won t let me use the comp ,0
f1 at 8am needs to be more exciting than that otherwise i will fall asleep again good race from vettel though,0
i hate hat hate how ever time i come back to san antonio my allergies act up i miss being able to wake up and breath ,0
staying up all night no gecko playtime this insomniac is going to sleep bakeoff tomorrow then study the ,0
kinda devastated that sean didnt make it back in now i m team bob and sharif,0
time for an antihistamine methinks and maybe a trip back to the doctors ,0
blog update and now i m going to iron ,0
 damn you joel madden lol you told us the end of the movie why why why ,0
 true no unicode but picture actually the logo lol,0
watching dirty dancing favourite movie of all time sad that patrick swayze is so sick these days ,0
only just woke up and yet still feel like i havent slept at all ,0
 aww poor bradie where did u all have to walk,0
i rubbed a mixture of oatmeal and honey on my face i hope this helps to get rid of the oilyness ,0
back from hell been there and back this last week rip drew,0
hurray my first porn actress follower bonus although somehow i don t think she was interested in friendship block ,0
 everything i want you to say would just be a lie i love you too ,0
in her room not wanting to revise i hate exams ,0
i shouldn t go out late on a formula1 weekend although good on vettel,0
forgot to mention our shower is an electric shock waiting to happen ,0
 having problems finding iresource in your repo ,0
i need someone who can teach me how to make this ,0
mystic free ,0
 yes im veryy cofused be ready for heaps of questions haha and my hair looks okayy i guess lol,0
i cleaned the cpu fan and the back of my power supply lots of dust don t have a system fan at all still loud ,0
omg i am sooo hungover major head ache shakes and sweats now i have to somehow work in the kitchen such a good night though,0
 i also dont want to cut but if i dont cut tong will kill me and if i die i will not have both money and love ,0
just as long as it doesnt turn into the bastard child that sensation white didit used to be different asot400,0
back in da city means back to work tomorrow although i have shot nearly 4 rolls on the fisheye ,0
on my way to play some fieldhockey too bad there s only 8 of us ,0
my head hurts ,0
 looks like u r done for the night get some much needed rest and enjoy your time off love u,0
is not recovering very well from a night in with the girls ,0
there is a very loud frogtoad in my backyard that is keeping me awake ribbit ribbit ribbit ,0
i have a constant pain round side and back of my ribs with a rash on my left rib help ,0
 i love you guys please come to singapore ,0
fleamarket was not exciting ,0
i m still so sleepy i just woke up i m falling asleep again,0
 i wonder how many ppl right now are with advice say to them quotwalk in my shoesquot no one can judge,0
 daaam im sorry bout that ur right tho gotta kim,0
 no goodnik i m sorry to hear it my dear,0
wowjust got done watching making te bandvery dramatic i did shed a tear ,0
just cleaning my room booring ,0
still alive all the way back to the philippines ,0
yeah my phone s stuffed ,0
 yeah i ve not signed on yet but i have downloaded it i have the brand new one i didn t want it i ll come online later xx,0
 yeah he s been unstable since dec low appetite since then ,0
aww i fucken lt3 chuck liddell tht shit was gay he was crying ,0
 yer i know when i woke up i was like noo it was a dream is wasn t real ,0
 i do need more sleep help me pmsl the general enough of the army already,0
really isnt looking forward to going back to school ,0
 omg you both made me nervous by writing tour news but there isn t any tour news yet ,0
 miss you brother ,0
headed in to the valley today grampy has pneumonia amp doesn t look good ,0
 youre not even coming to see the cure mbv man i was hoping id spot you in the vip and say hi youre missing out dude,0
 ah that means i m going to have to go and get it purely a lazy factor today,0
i just got home from church tomorrow would be my last day of easter break ,0
driving home from chicago ,0
 ok then just as long as he does not get screwed at pc world etc ,0
feeling lonely ,0
is currently in south carolina ughhh only 10hrs to go ,0
i hear thunder i don t like thunder ,0
 is your dad taking you rofl it s lee lin chin sbs news lady lawl,0
why do i keep doing this to myself ,0
back from spain last night missing the heat the sun out in england but its cold lol x no shcok there then,0
in the library on a sunday morning got a lot to do today reading and writing for a 3000 word essay to be printed before 9pm doable,0
 its being gay ,0
beautiful sunny day good times sore throat runny nose overall feeling miserable bad times ,0
damn i l stop my blipfm stuff for a while just gained 5 spammers ,0
can someone explain blipfm to me i don t get it ,0
is getting things ready for work tomorrow ,0
lol i got the bg from createblogcom i was gonna make a victorian lay to match the georgia font but i can t find any ,0
so disappointed am receiving an invite to an ordination actually mass of thanksgiving may 17 can t go will be in class ,0
i am bored ,0
laptop keeps freezing and i can t do this artwork i need to do 9 more samples by the end of today ,0
urghhhh all my glue is dried up ,0
just got my laptop but i have to reinstall everything back gonna take a while,0
 poor kim my advice for you use cooled aloe vera creme it helps against the pain,0
just came out of the shower now clean up my room haha xoxo,0
glorious day but have to get stuff i ve been putting off for months done indoors ,0
got to go back to my place today now that the easter holidays are over won t see my friends for 2 weeks sad sad sad faces ,0
 i m so bad at ntt but i luv u,0
glados one of the most engaging characters ever to appear in a videogame if only she hadn t made me kill my companion cube ,0
may just have a sick houseyoungest son just got up amp says quoti m sickquot ,0
 oh no i m very very sorry to hear that ,0
 my mum cba to make 1 for me x,0
boring i really need to study today a lot as well i just need to get it over with ,0
trending asot400 is down in the trending topics too bad asot400 asot400 is ,0
oh it was raining in china grand prix too but race dosent stop for rain like cricket ,0
off to be a weekend warrior with the army national guard help me out and distract me from what im doing ,0
 work sucked people were so rude amp mean i ll tell you about it in the morning,0
i wanted to change my name to stalagmite but it was taken ,0
i really dont want to leave him ,0
it s sweltering and i m irritated at friends cancelling last minute biometric passport tmr wooo,0
great bbq lots of love finally some sleep hopefully doing some good work today college tomorrow still pretty stressed out,0
i have too do a lot of school work now cry,0
tower bloxx wont work on my phone ,0
feels sick to her stomach from how crazy busy this weekend has been ,0
finally writing something and would love some peace and quiet sad day ,0
parents coming up to city to have lunch in west tonight gattringer leaving party x,0
going to try and enjoy my last day of maternity leave home with my kidsit sucks so bad that i have to go back to worki am sad ,0
only me and the twins leftexcept both of them are going out so just me in the house with the puppy ,0
 quotgetting some notice with all the pirates attack marinesinsurancecomquot twas fascinating story wish the problem was over ,0
is bored and its still so early what to do wish i had twilight on dvd already i d just watch that,0
for the gods sake my ankle still hurts so much ,0
 me too ,0
 i am like a running tap today spent yesterday outside frolicking under the blossoms today disaster ,0
is also disappointed that the celtics lost ,0
the sun is shining there is a slight breeze a perfect day and i am inside doing work ,0
 how come your body doesn t hurt as much as mine does you re unfair ,0
is terribly sick and suffering from laryngitis ,0
sun night work tomorrow ,0
apparently my fall up the stairs bruised more than my pride and both shins upper back is screaming ,0
sitting at home bored hello the web has got boring for me ,0
rain and cold good morning,0
has a sore stomach ,0
 i messaged you for easter and you didnt reply im eating celery everybody,0
 if you take a look at amazonfail you ll know why there s a principal in question ,0
last day of eaaster holidaysugh i woke up with my jaw in paain ,0
i get to draw matt tuck for my art assignment but i m too fucking shti scared to fuck him up ,0
what i really should be doing is my essay due in on wed but its sooooo boring ,0
why does johnny cash singing hurt reduce me to a sobbing mess everytime i hear it ,0
awwww i want the puppy back ,0
 in my teens and early twenties i could not remember the christan names the next morning lol ,0
birthday was a blast headed back to manila in a bit ,0
godddd i wanna go biking but i don t have one t_t ,0
major computer blunder it shut downade a horrible noise and now won t turn back on to quote blink 182 quotthis can t be the endquot,0
doing my report on media regulators bffc done next asa then pcc then the dreaded ofcom on theplus side i m listening to fatboy slim,0
 is there any social chats we can use tht dont hav flash i tried web messenger but didnt work plus doin hmwk i go on pc l8er,0
would rather be watching deborah 13 servant of god than watching physics podcasts ,0
 charming you re right though the hair s rapidly disappearing ,0
not quite 5 in the morning i might wake everybody with my sneezing ,0
7am flight to seattle then to atl then to gsp and home by 930 tonight ,0
 i miss cosplay sooo much ,0
 hmmmjealous haha please consume at least one zootenburger on my behalf ,0
i can t follow punky twitter keeps telling me they can t find her ,0
wants to turn the clock around ,0
is wondering why weekends always feel too short almost time for another week at the office ,0
back to reality tomorrow two weeks off flew in dang nab it one last day of freedom will be used wisely first things first dinner,0
trying to catch some ipl action before i head back it s raining match delayed ,0
only problem was lack of sauce the sauce is awesome but not enough ,0
owch my leg hurts cut it whalst shaving want starbucks nowcause of grrrr,0
it s raining in paradise ,0
 may well have to am meeting someone at pub at 2 pm ,0
 no i mean the chuck and blair thing but that is sad ,0
piratebay let them go i hate record industry,0
now i have to leave the movie and work i m not fond of modern world at all,0
can t sleep anymore ,0
coursework nooooo,0
last day of freedom ,0
right then inlaws for dinner may the force be with me come on now be strong,0
just woke up have school tomorrow no more spring break ,0
the excitement i felt a couple of days ago has waned today with the sun shining i can t get used to the fact holidays end today ,0
 same word is loading,0
jason mraz is so good live i wish i could have gone to his concert ,0
sick headaches homework school tomorrow ,0
 i d vote for gladiator was disappointed by alien 3 ,0
it s official i have insomnia down midnight up 300 2 nights in a row now ,0
well that was freaking annoying more teeny boppers dancing around to a song i ve heard a thousand times now ,0
 on the internet and everyone will think it s fake ,0
today is a patriots shirt day september seems so far away roll on new nfl season omg why are the yankees losing matches so badly ,0
 kooli havnt got a garden boo hoo lol i help my mum tho with hers,0
now if i could only add a quotteacherquot folder for the content of my children s teachers not happening ,0
 cheers mate i d forgotten about that site apparently it is just me ,0
 you didnt act like that when i followed you ,0
preparing important note for to morrow on the survival of a company we have to think many times there are many people involved ,0
it was a beautiful day with one dear to me but not all of them i pray for strength daily lord please grant me the serenity,0
mad that my cable dsl are all out i guess this is what they mean my three in one now i have to sit here and wait for a technician ,0
 i miss talking to you we don t talk as we use to ,0
we had one of our best friends bday yesterday that was planned months ago and he didnt show up without any sign of life since monday ,0
 aw hun you really aren t a happy bunny cuddle not much longer tho then you get to see brandy xxx,0
listening to the pet shop boys new album for the second time got it yesterday at last and i still don t think it s much cop ,0
studying for upcomi g exams ,0
got home last night at 1am from night time archery tournament wheels came off for most of the kids gotta get back to fundamentals ,0
 my dad so wanted to run that he trained so hard and then the doc said he had to stop bc of a heart condition,0
is thinking yet another gp marred by heavy rain whose daft idea was it to have races in malaysia and shanghai at this time of year,0
just woke up its super early ,0
damn my sons fish is about to croak sleep with the fishes literally poor fishy ,0
has burnt legs ,0
 arsenal lost the game and i lost my bet ,0
i really wanted online access to the kenyon review to read one poem and i don t think my work has access to it ,0
anyone want my wii freind code nobody ok ,0
 sorry i missed out last night wedding photos and the reception ran longer 14 hour days kill me sometimes ,0
 being nosy lib is only open till 5 2nite still easter hours apperently,0
new here ,0
slowly dying on the sofaaim in painnn ,0
i wish i was at coachella next year maybe,0
omg why dose it always rain on f1 ,0
 spent my tax refund on catching up on my ccs i was really wanting some new shoes,0
only 3mins left till i have to go back to work sadface,0
distupgrade of uml debian etch to lenny fails something goes wrong when dpkg is trying to upgrade libc6 seems to be uml related ,0
ok folks the weekend is over wash this mask off moisturise and then sleep time,0
 nothing much just stalking celebs no celebs have spoken today ,0
work oh well,0
caramel was a bad idea ,0
 manam mikham ke dars bekhonam ghat konam oonroz raftim sharif vasam angize shod ,0
i really don t want to go back to school tommorow ,0
ah yea i have power now but i missed seeing rebecca barry on the tv ,0
 wooo soup day unfortunately no photos of mine ,0
 and yyup very awful and no it aint a great comparission as how do i look like a monkey lol,0
gooood morning rain work til 3,0
 i think i read somewhere that it was shot as a sort of pilot to see how well it would go but no news since then ,0
never mind the nufc players i might not come out for the second half ,0
ava woke up this morning saying quotmommy nose ewwwquot so im thinking she has a cold too now ,0
i hate rainy days esp whene im stuck at work,0
 and a good morning to you i hope you enjoyed your caffeine kick i did with mine so awake what should i watch any ideas,0
i was on a cottage with friends in the mountains now i feel a bit dizzy ,0
somehow the sunshine isn t making me any happier ,0
 when you gonna send me some sun dammit raining 2 days now ,0
just woke up kinda bummed its not as nice outas it was yesterday ,0
another glorious cloudy and rainfilled day and i m spending it in a room with no windows ,0
 no im still not sleeing good i know ive missed u loadshow r things with u things r ok with me apart from sleep,0
 yeah here s hoping it can live up to the hype or a lot of people will be disappointed ,0
will be back when i think everyone is up ,0
just woke up and the weekend is almost over ,0
 i wanna party with her too sucks to live so far,0
 that is fanfuckingtastic not about the show though even i get sad cause of that,0
super mega bored sunday when there is no prospect of yum food you really suck ,0
has different plans for the summeronly first week of august in egypt ,0
 i would love to see you but im only hear for 24hrs fast biz trip ,0
 i want to go outtt ,0
isn t going to church im not feeling well ,0
is writing a killer child study essay wishing a magazine placement would fall into my lap ,0
today is not a good bowling day ,0
up early against my will direct tv guy is here ugh need coffee stat,0
thinking london in 4 days must do some college work ,0
lost to the scum depressed now ,0
btw went to the lily allen concert last night she was great so were her fans felt little old though good signing good entertainmen,0
is mad we were thinking about each other at the same time this morning love u but i gotta let u go babe ,0
aww this time last week i was cuddling up with luke watching tele i miss you xxxxxx,0
poor communication not riding today couldn t be more upset this weekend is not making me happy,0
i have to clean todayughdon t want to ,0
looks soooo weird now i m totally going back to my natural color ,0
happy sumdal twittfriends its very windy and cold down here so no golf today ,0
 actually that was an understatement back in amiga days i programmed in assembler straight onto processor try that with pc ,0
 hulu content not available outside the us can t see your greatest moments,0
 i wish i had half the energy of my kids ,0
 gilaaa my parut sakit from sitting too long sakittt ,0
 hangover ,0
hubby is in florida for the next 4 days wish i was with him i wish i had friends here to go into the city with but weve all drifted apart,0
jus gettin up feelin dizzy from yesterdays dunkin donuts watchin my baby get ready for work i have to study anyway this final is cooki,0
 i know and it gets worse school starts on tuesdays crying ,0
watching bowling for columbine and realised tomorrow happens to be exactly a decade since the day of the shooting ,0
 slight problem os x leopard doesnt want to install ,0
cant believe breaks overnot wanting to go back to school ,0
alrighty focus slowly slipping away i m now on youtube ,0
 what does it mean i have no idea lol well done you im on graphics ,0
 its really sunny here 2day and i cant even go anywhere ,0
just started to rain pretty hard looks like i am going to the gym insted ,0
my dear mickyinthesky even if i know yo nick i cant find u i dont no why waiting 4 u to find me ,0
 mulch is hard to shoveli just knew i had to do it hubs had to work it was delivered and wasn t getting done by itself ,0
awhhh little brother got hurt ,0
 tis good despite having to go to work when re we gonna find out who y all are lol ,0
grr my dad pointed out my hairy legs ,0
work all day ,0
 sounds like everyone had a big party last night and forgot to invite me ,0
 is he working on new stuff what is he doing mylo come back to us ,0
 not done anything paul is golfing and the kids were away out with my dad i m thinking of buying a titp ticket,0
 love your glasses are they wayfarers i had a few pairs but had to sell ,0
 hey kerrynutella is chocolate and hazelnut spread really nice loaded with calories ,0
tons of homework spring breaks over ,0
 i wish you were here too our last day here ,0
miley haters are being mean to me ,0
breakfast with the famlast morning in chicago ,0
oh dear oh dear not looking good at all guess i might have to look forward to palace v newcastle next season,0
i am swamped wi work 2 b done 4 the mora its no gid lyk ,0
driving alex to the airport then back to work to finish my reports and then i need to clean my house and dvr out sun fun yippee,0
 such a tease we have no choc digestives ,0
had a really scary dream now i can t fall back asleep i hope it doesn t come true ,0
 you have been slacking so bad on your website since you started tweeting perez ,0
so mad at myself for not giving that kid my number the other night he was so cute,0
it s sundaymeans no stores are open and tomorrow is monday ,0
still stiffsore from losing that fight with a car yesterday bike needs to be inspected so no races today ,0
morning comes too soon ,0
damn i thought my migraines were gone but they aint ,0
i apologise for not being able to weird it s just the you dont spell it how you say it ,0
is studying marketing ,0
 well he ll just have to make do with us then which ain t so bad tbh ,0
i am so sorry to those party guests of ours who had to wait several hours for me to arrive and then i was too tired to be any fun ,0
promised me ,0
 yeah i missed the first hr and it was quite a boring fight esp the main one ,0
 stuck in doing physics chemistry business studies and my media movie sweet ,0
 i know freaked me out though her feet were dirty that s what tipped me off now she s crying to go out ,0
 sorry bab just got ur messagehope u didnt miss it ,0
 i m an oldschool joker fan even before heath ledger god rest his soul ,0
 that s kind of near me in a way sweden ,0
sad days make me think a lot and i don t wanna ,0
maybe going to the french quarter fest todaybut it looks like its gonna rain ,0
just jettisoned three cariages at nottingham all of us crammed into the front two so i lost my table n leg room ,0
 i feel like a bad fan missing the ntts and quotall that jazzquot was sleepting ,0
 cindy lauper john s songs are too good for me haha yay for concerts i wish i could go,0
 love maxxie amp everyone else i wish they were still in the series ,0
just dropped a biscuit in her cup of teaend of the world ,0
on way home from girls nite can t believe it s over already ,0
started off the day with a punctured tyre ended the day with the film all shot and early now months of postproduction ,0
just found my white shoes under my dads work boots who does that to shoes now there out of shape and marked ,0
crapi just got hungry 25 hours until i can satisfy this craving lets see if i can sleep the entire flight,0
has been shopping amp is now pretty broke ,0
 they re playing tonight at the tranzac opening for a band cover is 20 tho ,0
missing my friend ,0
doing some laundry getting ready then lunch and the civicthen homework ,0
in the streetz of la going to the pharmacy my lil prince is sick super mommy s on duty,0
 i know i was making a general comment on absent friends ,0
is wondering where lauren is ,0
 hi is ths really holly your a great actress i miss charmed please write back xxx,0
eight oclock is way to early for a weekend wake up renaissance faire today minus the bono ,0
uni work to be done ,0
i can t find th ,0
went to office on sunday and power went off in office ,0
noooo the weekend is almost over and i m stuck doing homework ,0
 d oh ,0
sundays are like my busiest day of the week but i m sad it ends in my last fyp meeting ever ,0
ugh lots to do today french math line up next semester classes organize a presentation for mon 5 page paper for tues but no fun ,0
i has an ear infection ,0
 along with mine my coffee magically disappeared tho ,0
well im up now about to get a shower and start the daynot ready for school this week shall majorly suck,0
muet mockshow amp then homework ,0
 oh no i hope it gets better,0
have a big week ahead of meand i woke up sick ,0
i m friggin cold and wondering why i don t have any extra blankets in the house ,0
its beautiful outside and i m stuck inside working ,0
bought a hyundai again ,0
just woke up sadly ,0
 iya kak it kinda sucks ,0
i am hungry and thirsty but i feel nauseous what do i do except wimper i am already doing that ,0
 its amazing i just cant watch it without being a blubbering imbosile you ok my msn clocked out on me again last night ,0
 aww well if it s any consolation i missed that too i was out with a friend and didn t get back on in time ,0
 that makes things miserable ,0
stuck at home writing an essay ,0
one more day of vacation ,0
 yes i am so bummed that i can t do it i go back to new york the day before the show wish i could be there,0
on a time out ,0
5hours of sleep now i have to go dang harper s island,0
feeling like this song right now ,0
k time to get off butt and finish me stuff ,0
 i knew someone would address the issue in here i ve hit refresh three billion times must have lj back nao ,0
i don t have steady arms ,0
my carelessness led to wiping out all contacts on my iphone ,0
 sheva s magnum is slow against some crowds though ,0
i dont wanna go to work tomorrow my sunday complaining routine blahh ,0
umm my sunshine went away please come back,0
omgosh did i not twitter once yesterday aw man end of the world,0
 don t dislike them all just because of one ,0
is livejournal down for anyone else ,0
trying to get through masive amounts of coursework ,0
 sugarman i miss gritscan t get them in canada ,0
 shame man he is having a rough time ,0
4th time this week i dreamt about antoinne damn someone please hit me wit the men in black laser and wipe him from my memory ,0
is back but not unpacked from spring harvest haven t got the energy and it s college tomorrow ,0
 i always wanted an ibook but no usb and no wifi means i wouldn t actually use it it would just sit on a desk somewhere ,0
i miss my laptop ,0
 i m just going to come kidnap you she can t do anything about that p,0
listenin 2 alica keys no one on vh1makin me depressed reminds me off my x ,0
car back from mechanic still broken fudge ,0
on the way home nasty rainy day ,0
blazinglmao not yet i wish ,0
says condolence to the family of ryan fajardo rest in peace ryan im so glad naging cat officer kita mahal ka ng batch magiting ,0
spin_that wants coffee amp food but i forgot my car isn t here and the truck won t start ,0
 oh honey are you okay what is happening ,0
i don t wanna get up ,0
i just told my flatmate that ganguly has a tendency to edge in such circumstances he did so sad to be proved correct ipl,0
 nah you forgot about me ,0
 afternoon it was ok only two of my friends showed up slightly disappointed but we made it work the night didn t end well ,0
 ok you make it sound like i don t care your hungry or never like you to wake me up i m not that mean ,0
missing mexico more than ever ,0
been told that there is a launch delay of a few days ,0
i miss my hubby ,0
 a reason could be outlook 2007 with it s very very poor ms wordbased html rendering engine out of the last century ,0
karunanidhi s statement about prabhakaran has left me speechless ,0
is wanting to go out in the sun ,0
 hey just did my hair now i m hungry and then gotta go back to school you,0
 hahaha i wanted to get an iorg shirt when i went to fresno but they had packed up all the merch ,0
 oooh my brand spanking new slash lol spanking ahem umm people who i gave parts to haven t read the new add i posted ,0
 so sad about the buffaloes hopefully next wknd will work out my damn job,0
 are u going to add more dates in south america i can t believe that u are just going to argentina brazil and mexico ,0
 why arn t you playing today x,0
i don t want to roll out of bed ,0
 oops meant dad gone amp i m good with mummissed out the important bit there it s 8 yrsbut she s still not over it ,0
 okay so it looks like i can t go back to school tomorrow cuz i have to go back tomorrow to get more meds ,0
 how was your day baby aside from the sad news ,0
damn mayne mariners lost yo motor city kitties ruined my trip to safeco,0
joy server go boom on a sunday ,0
sore back ,0
 i hope you find gary soon ,0
whimpers nearly 4 hours of cliff on itv3 and i have to let her watch cos it s her birthday ,0
900th win where are you,0
all i can think about is chocolate i thought dinner would helphhhheeeeellllppppp,0
gorgeous day today shame i m now in doors ironing ,0
 oooo nom i so would but i think and would shout at me for moving ,0
going to choir ugghh i dont feel good at all ,0
is going to watch the brewer game eat soup play sims and sit in a vaporizer filled room stupid cold this sucks ,0
this is annoying i m going to wash my hair that will be a pain too only cuz half of its relaxed amp the other is natural ,0
 wish i could be there sooner ,0
 but tegan is in victoria right now its a fact and also i am super jealous you guys are having fun while i have to work ,0
my pc is shot need a new one to do research reports ,0
sunday 19th april 6pm word count 01500 ,0
really needs to sleepbut has to do her assignment ,0
still stuffed with cold rattling with pills that seem to do no good,0
 yeah was cutting her hair and nicked her neck they had to put 2 staples in to close the wound,0
ugh working for my parents not fun ,0
went to the lavender ball gay prom at case western in cleveland ohio was ok me n the hubby argued but all is well now,0
 i just burnt my pancakes cuz i was tweeting anf i am out of batter mix ,0
is not so happy spring break is already just about over ,0
back to westside to find will s texas a and m hat ,0
 hmm sometimes depends what subject in chem but chemistry comes under science i hate science im awful at it ,0
rahm said quotchange the way dr pay rather for service pay for outcomesquot then dr refer away hard cases ,0
 i ran out of greenery amp have no conect ,0
heading to work and bummed i am missing the game today go pens,0
 it wont let me upload a pic ,0
 i hope your cat gets better ,0
happy sunday all welcome game 3 unfortuately i have a game at same time 2day so missin all go canucks go,0
doesn t want to go back to collage and has nearly finished all of avtar anga ,0
is in the librarybad times ,0
has sunday sadness syndrome ,0
on my way home from swan s then another sad goodbye when i get home to family and to spring break ,0
just woke up not feelin very good better catch up on some hmwk soon,0
 wish it was tanning weather here jelous,0
 yes at 11pm and we start again at 2pm ,0
 now my connection drops literally a dozen times a day ,0
cant sleep cant sleep cant sleep cant sleep somone give me some sleeping pills arghh hate this ,0
 am i still ur little baby hahaha,0
bored at me casa ,0
off to the audubon center and sanctuarywalkin the trails feel better ashton kutcher ,0
 i m having 1 of those days 2 amp i hate it ,0
 wow ori such dedicationwish i could hear more unfortunately i cannot play your songs on my page due to your player settings ,0
i wanna go back to paaaaaaaarisss ,0
 real work day today,0
senses that all is over for the quintuple chances ,0
just spent some time gaming at now back to find i forgot about an irc meeting ,0
ugh sick didnt even go to church today sorry jesus ,0
 i thought she was just really healthy i didn t know she was a vegan i knew she was on martha apprentice but i didnt watch ,0
sooo not looking forward to college tomorrow ,0
 i really hope my replys to you won t make you think i m a teeny who wants attention from tom s sister aha,0
remembering how hard it is to find a drummer we had two drummers going for us but they wouldn t make time for us we wanted a drummer,0
dreading drivin up to sva ,0
i just found a housing for the curve on ebay for 20 bucks would have saved me 5 hours of painting ,0
so much homework ,0
reading bible studying for chem lab working on that presentation and its beautiful outside mmk thx ,0
 habitualbeauty okkkkkkk lol hope this thing goes well cuz it is surely 25 of my grade ,0
really wants to see a new dog park established in her area the 3 in the surrounding area are 20minutes away sux ,0
had a good day at the stables just got back but have got the biggest head ache ever omg had it since i left the stables x,0
 ok gonna have to send it tomorrow my comp went dead ,0
 tomorrow is school ,0
i want my laptopnow dammittt,0
 oh what happened ,0
had a pretty good time on my trip beginning and ending were the best then had to come home ,0
phew made it to grace cathedral w one minute to spare no time for breakfast though ,0
man is so hot todayman i wish i was at the beach ,0
i ran more today than i have in the last 12 months ,0
 you are amazing keep up the good work wish i had tickets to see you in the ukay have a safe flight xd,0
trying to clean out my email i have like 498 emails to readdelete ,0
looks like no nascar today ,0
 sniff thanks sniff ,0
 tried to make soup but my mommas tastes so much better at least all the ingredients are cook properly this time,0
googled the film17 that every1 talkin about and got quot17 seventeen is the natural number following 16 and preceding 18 it is primequot ,0
i do not want to get up to study ,0
gathering up my signs and flyers and going to do an open house for one of my listings too bad it s raining ,0
 is 8 out of 10 cats going to start up again i get so bored at night now miss the show ,0
 espncom they re citing that paul hamilton said it on wgr ,0
waiting by the phone isnt fun ,0
 hugs i m sorry the day has started out so shitastic ,0
farewell nyc it has definitely been real ,0
quottrue love asks nothing to returnquot gt poor yuan da ying this s not worth for her ,0
 i didnt get to go i had the choice of either cigarettes and catfood or priestess tickets,0
has a slight tummy ache ,0
just watched gossip girl that episode was gr8 can t wait for the next one but i have to wait likea freaking week nooo,0
gonna put daisy to bed last one of the weekend x,0
safari died on my phone how am k supposed to pass the time at work now ,0
 no not the computer not the lifeline ,0
just back home half hour ago prepared dinner and have absolutely no energy left to finish the security doc ,0
feeling not so good today gonna stay in and get some rest,0
 too sad i cant listen to this m at work asot400,0
 lol i want a baguette i jst have five fish fingers when am i goin to see u my love,0
 missed you at the finish line wearing my medal all around town,0
 oh ok i can t get it until i finish this semester which is in may ,0
looks like i have reached my 2000 limit but i want to follow more of you come on twitter give us chance to follow than than 2000 ,0
buried in homework and finals shit i wish i had some time to play wow ,0
 bad you re summer tour is not comming to norway ,0
is looking for that stupid adapter then doing math and vocab ,0
ill be lucky to get to las by tues ,0
i don t want to studyyyyyy i want to play street fighterrrrrr ,0
hmmm who wants to fill out these application forms for me and then attend ymca tomorrow aswell dont really fancy 7am start ,0
 pub work lol please go yu no yu want to really haha,0
last day of the break i should use this day very efficiently,0
all my followers need to also follow as i have more followers then her and she won t let me sleep on her bed ,0
rewriting the drafts that were lost you do not know how much this sucks wordpress blog,0
where did easter go ,0
 sniffles but i wanted tothe industrial s the real bitch ,0
 i love you mitchel i almostmet you at dadeland here in miami fl but they closed the line right on me of course,0
doesnt want school tomorrow ew ew ew,0
 that s depressing ,0
 the problem is i can t say i know how to paint i had 3 canvases in my house amp i forgot i gave them to someone ,0
 so tempting to come back tonight ,0
 petasin j el htme rm istusin autosse ja uuno raadio tegi kohe oohhh baby if you ll find ma ei saa fooniga enam twitrisse ,0
 sorry 2 hear thatthat s always rough,0
off to work and feeling extra tired today ,0
at mickey d s wit the girlsthey don t want kids meals either ,0
getting ready to go back to school for the week ,0
fuckin midterms ,0
they re still calculating my life expectancy so im gettin it tomorrow guess i cannot sleep well this night writin to ya ll tomorrow,0
 ace prize winning fan made vid for best single not released in 2008 please keep retweeting,0
 mileyim in italy but i won t see you im sooooo sad,0
is extremely sad that spring break is coming to an end ,0
so i must admit i am a little bummed out to find out that the marc ecko shoot for playboy is not going to be out till july ,0
at home my brothers baseball tournament was cancelled the fields were flooded i was looking forward to a baseball weekend,0
is having quite a lonely day ,0
why does the mall have to close at 6 on sundays ,0
gettin worried too much sylabus to do ,0
 i mad that you were in cleveland and i didn t know about it very mad ,0
it is monday morning i am starting a weeks holiday and it is raining ,0
it s cold out today i miss florida ,0
 indeed man i m picking up my earbuds but no sound asot400,0
nothin bored xx,0
just woke up omg soo sick still aww ,0
iimissss yuuu martin ,0
bummerback to rainygloomy and chilly weather looks like at least 3 more days of thisugh,0
 awwwwwwwww rest im entertained im heated but entertained,0
 i m just saying from a mans perspective i would do that i would never think of it for myself my bf is gonna hate my short hair ,0
 jerkface she must like you better i think is cause i don t have a husband and 8 kids yet,0
 it really is ,0
i need twitter on my phone i need a new phone ,0
my glands are swollen my muscles ache and i m tired all the time who used my body maybe i m falling apart not good,0
i am so bored while waiting for my friend to come over but she can t till l8r ,0
does not want to be transferred to mimis in mira mesa ,0
 i wasn t aware of anything besides that awful facebook app that changes your status for everything incl tagscare to share,0
 nah i aint been paid ema for like the last 4 5 weeks thats 150 ,0
 i gotta go kisses see you tomorow ,0
i hate springshowers_____rainrain go away ,0
i am not feeling good ,0
 i wanna see it but i have to wait till it comes out in argentina xoxo seel,0
awake work at three boo i got like four beach invites today ,0
headed out to the grocery again that makes every weekend for about 30 years now sigh no fun for me i hate the grocery,0
 so jealous i am in chicago at it is 55 and rainy hope u enjoy ur time off can t wait for summer and i get to meet u guys,0
 it makes me sad ,0
 awww mane i really wanted to see that ,0
how can the weekend be over already grrrr i ve not left the house all day ,0
i thought it was you ,0
still no internet carolinecreatesetsycom,0
 not ok i dont usually cry in movies ,0
morning lovely day to be sat in an office ,0
trying for find work in south carolina hubby needs maint job but isn t certified in hvac we will never get to relocate grrrr,0
grrrr im watching the natalee holloway movie and the thing keeps freezing up damn network just missed the end cause of it ,0
 hope u feel better in tha morning,0
it s almost time for bed i wish i could have gotten more work done ,0
just finished watching natalee hollowaysuch a sad storynow i m going to bed ,0
 no slumdog millionaire isn t on there ,0
 i feel zombified haha,0
i have a headache and i have to pee and my laptop is about to die fail ,0
just woke up super tired ,0
 actually im in a basement in the midwest about as far from the beach as i could be ,0
just woke up i d still sleep if i didn t gotta go to school today ,0
up early trying to get back into a routine after 2 weeks of hols ,0
lost his usb ,0
morning world got most the garden done well now it s time for work ,0
 some one who was a freind till last week wont tell me what i did i know i can be weird it hurts,0
 they can t require everyone to have pcs they don t have a support system for software and it d be worse than the forms ,0
should probably start to capitalise on this whole quotpower napquot thing seeing as i refuse to use nighttime for sleep ,0
this paper that i did do part of made me miss the election fun times,0
spent two hours figuring out how to organize my work rather than actually doing work found a cool pdf organizer but only for macs ,0
ice cream and soup please not feeling well ,0
urgh don t like been up this early can only mean one thing school ,0
champions league is still on the 28th boo no reason to stay up till five am this week ,0
 what about me,0
lonely ,0
 argh icarlycom keeps forwarding me to icarlycomau ,0
i look like an abuse victimbut for the last time i m not sure what i ll do wo lacrosse suggestions welcome,0
 almost happened to me today lol,0
 i know but i refuse to give up hope,0
 haha i have no idea what you mean lisa you snuck out with out saying bye ,0
i m hungry i wouldnt mind a creamy hot chocolte and choquettes from paul but it doesnt taste the same from dubai ,0
 i still say you re lucky i wish it was warm here ,0
can t believe how tired i am final exam tomorrow morning,0
tomorrow school it sucks ,0
 forgot about that duh i have always loved that song and there is always 1 person u wish u could have but can t ,0
 sharks arrggh ,0
is playing with photoshop i need a teacher i suck at it haha,0
bed finally i haven t been sleeping at all ,0
ok now it s monday but still no tweetie for mac ,0
i like the nokia messaging app but the support from nokia is slow ,0
 i don t hace money i m broke ,0
 send me something back ,0
nooooooooooooooo school today but the worst part is that i wont be able to tweet troughout the day ,0
 i hope so yesterday was a little more rainy and gray then i would like ,0
 i can send you a message you are not following me ,0
its freakin hot ,0
 she didnt reply to me lmfao,0
is sad about twitter not being famous at all in europe ,0
 you broke your nose holy crap how did you do that i hope your okay ,0
after nice weekend back at work again ,0
almost midnight and its still 70 degrees i like sleeping with cool weather,0
sleeping at my dad s house tonight since master has to wake up early first time we ve slept apart in a long time ,0
nothing but revision and exams ,0
 i know im like damn ima never meet you all them cockblocking security guards,0
i wish the man of my dreams would come pick me up and put me over his shoulder but it seems so unlikely in this day and age ,0
 wow mia beats abba ,0
school starts tomorrow ,0
yeah you re right emo phase this is horrible,0
how to search friend from other countrywithout an email address ,0
debating how to do quotthe talkquot with my first years quotsiirrr when are we doing reproductionquot ,0
 i cant direct message unless u follow me ,0
 welcome i m missing free cone day what a bummer ,0
hoping i don t get in trouble again for streaming at the airport again ,0
 not if it s yours ahahaha jk missss you ,0
this is going to be the longest week i m going to miss you so much i already do ,0
wishes i was sleeping right now ,0
 metres penrhos engine house right home shower and work ,0
 lucky you i start at 11 however i just have one lesson today so i finish at 12 haha,0
 got there not long before you plus a few big fellas put you in your car but the concert kicked ass thankyou,0
depression sucks ,0
 lol brittany the weed part of it isn t but most people forget that april 20th is also the birthday of that monster hitler ,0
thinking about the weekend course on op market garden ww2 sat lunch for 15 sunday in glorious weather now down to emails yippee ,0
i feel sick and tired all i wanna do is sit outside in the sun all day with my laptop,0
about to leave for school got up at 645 today this cannot be normal o,0
just got home im exhausted time 2 get some shut eye had a great weekend can t believe it s already monday i hate mondays ,0
back from 1st daii of term 2 i already miss school holidays ,0
it always feels like i am waiting for the weekend to come around and when it does it just flys byagain but i fear the end of june ,0
im missing my family ,0
on the way ssc little bit headache and my nose still full of ingus haha so that my ears got disturbed too,0
my computer has a virus wat am i gonna do,0
 me back ,0
 that is no way to start a week glad you re there to tweet about it,0
tonsilitus sucks ,0
 slaps don t you ever do that to my twin everr you psycho no i m sorry ,0
not liking this time of the morning ,0
 lol i thought you were showing us a picture of something you drew in a studio i m actually quite dissapointed ,0
oh joy nodded off again now i m running late ,0
being forced to create a twitter account ,0
is feeling gutted after today s announcement ,0
no i didn t i have 2 call him monday,0
any anti filter plz i can not login my weblog ,0
has had a really bad weekend hopefully this week will be better i doubt it somehow haha,0
boarding bye bye britain ,0
tummy hurts ,0
work work work work yay ,0
no matter how positive you try to be there s always someone waiting there to drag you down ,0
 mai is a meano today ,0
just got upi can feel a yawn coming on aaugh there we go owww school tomorrow ,0
 no sorry im too far away at the moment sorry but lauren s going,0
tired and head hurts from toda ,0
 got a headache,0
feels sorry for nana because she thinks every question i ask her is demanding an excuse for her actions how sad just converse with me,0
ill not happy too nice a day to feel this crap ,0
 ohh thank you i know she is defo there on thursday shes playing in the apple store but i can t go that day lol thanks ,0
wondering if i should continue working watch a movie or try to go to bed ,0
why is it so hot ,0
 i cant help it ,0
 maybe it s tropical up there machan but here it s pure hell ,0
my mileycyrus edit wont uploaaaaaaaaaaad i ask my daddy to fix it ,0
i wish i could pay someone to do my laundry at 3 am so i could get 5 hours of sleep instead of 3 ,0
aargh mouse needs batteries ,0
i dont get how weird people find me on here they even follow me and say f all ,0
but i still don t have any perfect experiments to show them ,0
 oh right fair enough ,0
i hate moving ,0
 because i am in chicago where it has rained for past 24 hours and not gonna stop til tuesday ,0
studying while thinking of makeup is no fun ,0
making sure this new biz unit doesn t drown us with debt nice numbers on their sheet showing profithowever no strategy to maintain it,0
oh godmash documentary i wanna watch but should go to bed ,0
i don t want to go to work ,0
why is this honey and lemon burning my throat ,0
 it s been been resting uni starts again today as was easter holidays the last 2wks back to reality and you,0
 haha i should i just have to find a empty place to put it cept the neighborhood i would live in doesn t have any ,0
dangit twitter im still up should be sleeping now i got 4 hours till i wake up gunna be sleepy at school night fo real this time xoxo,0
the healthiness starts today just had an orange and a banana for breakfast the juice from the orange peel got into my cut on my lip ,0
in and ready for work what to do ohcorrections on fridays work ,0
looking forward to getting home tomorrow i miss ,0
the job centre sucks balls i desperately need to find work ,0
 i see those propellers when i m near tevra ,0
my best friend is leaving in six weeks to go to romania sad day and i one of my other best friends was intown didnt even call me ,0
im already finished dinner ,0
so stressed out ,0
my throat is so sore this morning ,0
 your avatar on tumblr is too much like mine or vice versa it s confusing ,0
really hoping to get a job and is now getting worried ,0
 i scare you aww that hurts,0
 omg they stole your gps thats not cool you d named her and everything aye,0
 lolol ovens are so cool and why is everyone eating lasagne now me wwants some,0
hates money it will be the one thing that ends his career ,0
just another monday morning roll on friday evening,0
an x meant it was the correct leg good thing i didn t op will take an 15 hrs after i am through with drug guy getting a spinal ,0
first day back in reality off to work now after my 4 mysterious days missing from everything im rly hoping no one asks where ive been ,0
why does it feel like it s still a 100degrees and why haven t i done any homework ,0
wembley was fun yesterday great venue probably the right result pitch awful still can t shake this cold but at least its monday ,0
children back to schoolchaos on the roads and the wolves made the premiership could it get much worse ,0
my brother is moving up the coast ,0
nick_carter when i was 12 i was ur fan now i m 22 and i m 200 more fan thanks twitter awwww i never will grow up hahaha,0
 yeah i just noticed that they ve been zapped but still some other spammers linking to it ,0
got a f in maths back i hate maths okay i got a german 5 and 6 is the worst 16 10 of 31 points,0
impacted wisdom tooth 7 weeks until day surgery even with priv health insurance thats too long cant take panadiene forte at work ,0
 cu ndo vienes ,0
 me either ,0
i can t find david s twitter ,0
typical they can t even give me a clue they send it all to doc and i wait to see him to find out it s a noisy bigger of a machine,0
i really miss good sex actually i kinda miss sex in general ,0
have to wakeup early ,0
my fingers are cold ,0
my attempt at egginahole was fail wish were here to make me one ,0
too much to do today not enough time ,0
oh lordddy i missed the live show ,0
3 final tablesno wins and a 10th in the dam ub 500,0
 i m not at work till 11 maybe no actually probably my hangover will kick in then i don t have any milk for tea ,0
 but then i would never be able to come out and c you or get the drinks in ,0
 i can t get the link to work ,0
looks like i m gonna do overtime today ,0
 hey ladies im boredignoring revision and twittering instead haha miss u both xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx,0
has 5 hours left of her bday ,0
man its so hot in mumbai ,0
at school after holidays ,0
iam sad i forgot my passwold on my twitter ,0
 yey i am glad i hope you will be much happier now it makes me sad reading your updates ,0
 you re so brave x my poor mum had a crown break at the front yesterday she won t open her mouth to speak to anyone ,0
 v proud of u gotta keep in shape ey it hurts but dayem is it worth it i have wog genes so i have 2 gym a lot 2 waaa,0
no or in english isn t in today am i going to be all alone at breaklunch ,0
 i know what you mean the same goes for me ,0
is off to the doctors again how long until they find out what s wrong with me ,0
im really worried about my mathematics subjects im really not into numbers that much ,0
been up since 9am and went bed at 4 just one of the things i hate about hotels can never sleep in lateknackered ,0
 sorry to hear that northern nancy ,0
 that sucks bakit daw do you still plan to get a postpaid line if you are you can customize the number to mica,0
i m in dire need of a ghostwritermy hand is hurting i ll b fine tho ddd,0
 meh i don t know whether it s because i ve heard them so much or whether i just don t like them but i m not a fan ,0
 i would like to do that but i m scared that will encourage them to do something worse ,0
cant get the subtitiles off of my stupid tv ,0
point failures outside liverpool street station are starting to be a constant fixture in my morning commute ,0
i m on my april 14th commentsmaaaaaaaan i feel bad i m like 6 days late wmy reply sorry folks,0
i wish you could go to school in your pajamas ,0
listening to radio on my comp my fm radio keeps loseing tuning at 11 going to start ringing pubs again for more gigs,0
it s coffee break but i have to finish the ectel paper ,0
loz slapped me round the face but it didn t wake me up ,0
my friend bosco has failed his driving exam ,0
my dream house has a sale pending ,0
 that is sooo sickening whya re people still living in the past man such a shame ,0
has rj to do ,0
twittering from office is not a good idea ,0
last day of holidays ,0
go to class right now ,0
is wishing he was at work ,0
 yeah i gotta be up at 7am for my boxing class ,0
a boozy weekend has been had but now the inevitable return to reality newcastle will be relegated ,0
have many exams in the next 2 weeks ,0
its may 21 my party is the 22nd ,0
 yes we shall cry in pain amp at that time mr wikky will hate me so much ,0
 good times on sat night ta for tunage though it ended a little too early for my liking ,0
just woke up ,0
 hope you are feeling better ,0
sick right now because of sore throat ,0
is back at work x,0
wondering why jess is only here 2days then londonthen dubaican t u stay a bit longer ,0
going to fail graphics sigh ,0
 and the quotcoming soonquot castle thing has been like that for years ,0
 fine dont talk to me then im soo upset now ,0
am gonna finish assigs today finally not all though ,0
 ouch ,0
is sooooooooo tired zzzzzz,0
 yeh i ve noticed the buzzen is down i woke up and was told that the buzzen is down hope it won t be too long til it s up,0
 it s mine isn t embarrassing except for the embarrassing low play counts ,0
 good luck i know the feeling ,0
has found happiness in slavery p oh and i still have this cold ,0
aw fail orders are closed damnit i wanted one ,0
don t feel ready for the exam i have tomorrow guess i ll do it next june,0
im lonely i wanna see my baby ,0
heading to dorm to get some rest damn u cold please take off it s only monday ,0
but really i m so tiredi m sick to my stomachand i just can t sleep ,0
in vegas not able to sleep because of this creepy room i have to look sexy at 9 am with no sleep i m scared boooooo,0
 how d it go really noticed the difference in keith s photos with the d700 i want one now ,0
 yes i like little dorrit a lot too though i keep falling asleep before the end ,0
found a bottle of bacchus in my fridge and drank it do these things expire i need to stay up late to do my homework ,0
sat in science i hate it not fair,0
ahhh shoot monday i have a feeling this is going to be one help of a stessful week,0
currently filling in about 180 active directory profiles with organisation info ,0
how did i manage to break tweetdeck it s not working anymore maybe a reboot can help,0
i miss my old house so many memories lost i hate not having my own room,0
 i don t know what an alpha stamp is ,0
now looking at a picture of a apple mac i want one noww ,0
wishing franklin the sausage dog didnt have to leave ,0
 work ,0
my day has just gone from 0 to shit in 10 seconds great ,0
s spring break is over and she has to go back to school ,0
has hit her elbow on her laptop who ever thought of calling it a funny bone it s not ,0
going to school soon i dont really want to go ,0
writing a paperi cant focus ,0
 my wkend was ok i went for drinks fri nightchilled out sat went for dinner last night wit friends u do anythin crazy,0
finally my site is back i hope it will not be suspended again for unknown reasons ,0
i erased all of my previous tweets and i don t know why ,0
ugh back to the daily grind vacation is over i m gonna need moar coffee for this,0
 ooooooooh love them not my size either ,0
 about a hour away which sucks ,0
has been up all night ,0
up doing a paper and studying for bio exam tomorrow yay ,0
btw i am back from the gold coast fun times can t get out of school to spend time with friend damn school,0
what is going to happen to myspace now ,0
mornings are horrible ,0
wishes she wasn t in school housing so she could fosteradopt needy animals ,0
 shame it s yorkshire ,0
 you silly girl busy week for you omg no more greek what to do what to do,0
is skipping the gym to finish his damn paper ,0
getting ready for school ugh ,0
has lots of homework ,0
 tom and dougie did nt reply well it was a long shot ,0
aaaaa guua mau the black parade is dead sooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaad ,0
1 month more without my friends sasha is sad ,0
officialy gonna get ready for school i feel like crying ,0
 you can set your profile to private so they have to ask permission before they can follow your on your own for the other ,0
laughing my ass off at the miss usa controversy raining and no one to play with ,0
not such a good day going to college ,0
 but theyre cool and if it starts raining people are like have you got an umbrella and your like yeah but you cant use it,0
wants twitter to work on my phone but it doesnt work ,0
so tired mondays suck and so does the rain when my bus stop is a 10 minute walk from my house ,0
i slept so terribly last nighti got no sleep i m sooo tired now zzzz,0
english next fml,0
 work issues when people arent trained they cant be expected to perform ,0
flint bound ,0
im da only girlly girl on woohoo wait guyz don t bully meh bye bye queen,0
back to work today after a week off and it s a baptism of fire what a morning ,0
q s th effectiveness of his flu shot as a flulike symptoms persist ,0
off to work and it s doin good weather outside oh what joy catch ya laters ,0
jack s back to the vets tonight ,0
 i love youuuu haha oh yes bbq was good but getting drunk on a sunday was bad news bears work all day today ,0
getting off to work again ,0
i wanna wake up feeling beautiful today amp tomorrow amp everyday i m sick of feeling amp looking like shit ,0
i am wishing i didn t live so far away from all the action ,0
hopefully ra will convince nut to make it stop raining my backyard is a mud pit and i have to park in a lake ,0
 i hope lots and lots of hugging takes place miss you amp so much ,0
 wow airport are u going overseas lol rmbr u got sch tmr hehe i still havent visited changi terminal 3 cya later d,0
ok checked in straight into meetings ,0
sick from china foods ,0
dragging my foot for 5 rounds of joggingwhy on earth im so sleepy ,0
yaiks i m not in the mood to study for the histology pathology anatomic and microbiology practical exam but yet i still have to do it ,0
 hi fiona sorry to disappoint you but is sadly a fake we ll let you know if she joins twitter,0
 thats a good one and we shall use itbut sadly i have to much work to do i know i know dont say it ,0
shuttling delhi mumbai 3 times a month ,0
the weather was great while it lasted back to the rain and cold ,0
so freakingg sickkk ughhh ,0
 your gay dating still isn t in the spirit of college ,0
 ok well in that case definitely stay up and watch it i m obsessed lol it s going to be so hard to wait for series 4 ,0
that ll be a no then no ribena at all welcome to the worlds crappiest canteen ,0
i wanna go to america it s too expensive though gosh so unfair,0
at school till 3 ,0
twitpic ging nicht ,0
 im cut you guys are playing in the pub when in melbourne means i cant go,0
in the library doing my disertation ,0
damncan t get on the community my sis is still logged in x,0
eww i got to go to school again ,0
 having a similar procedure next week ,0
ugh the flight to san francisco is at 630 pm not am now i m waiting around for an overbooked flight ,0
 i often strut around naked too but with an open window overlooking a main road i can t do that in the office ,0
 ugh that reminds me i really need to go the dentist wish they could just come and do it in my sleep,0
is missing all the sunshine i hate working,0
had to endure a trip to the docs today he decided i have tonsillitis it struck me that its the only time i see my name in lights,0
is a little disappointed that there will be no more lamb shank mondays ,0
is suffering from quotlack of internet accessquot so bare with me if i don t respond as quick as i used to ,0
good morning world i feel like shit but i have to go to school wish me luck ,0
thinks it s bloody typical that the weather is lovely now she s stuck indoors ,0
is agreeing to work ,0
back at skool 2morrow cba english essay ,0
uuugh that migrain still in my head ,0
 morning there mate early day for you out there in ca it should be nice least the sun is shinning rain will pour in later ,0
 gave her that choice last night today i have cancelled her sale after she asked yet again ,0
last day of spring break and last day of kara and natalie s visit fb,0
has to start revising has to has to has to ,0
i hate rainy mondays ,0
 ah toucheomg what elenore did to simon i wanted to cry ,0
i am at work let the week official begin ,0
 haha wicked sounds like fun haha my friends hate them grr and dnt worry its coming soon promise ,0
muy cansado back to work and class missin the cousins already ,0
last full day going to the beach massages pool and out to dinner,0
 no way ,0
 not just you lj is down for me as well ,0
is having a rubbish monday at work some fiend has defaced my david tennant calendar poor david ,0
my iced coffee tastes different this morning now i have a tummy ache ,0
groggy groggy need to wake up time for work spring break is over ,0
had an excellent daylt3 ankaras then went to sandras house and hung with her and camilla bye tara ,0
 that wasnt nice all i was doin was doing was respondin to what i think is cool sheesh,0
 oh i love that ep too but it s sooo sad almost makes me cry ,0
at school getting through the day,0
 lol shoot i had events all wknd amp just got back amp now i m exhausted but off to work i go how was your wknd girl,0
had planned on staying home to catch up but gets to take miles to the dr instead ,0
at work monday morning rainingcold yuk,0
feel like im turning 80 with my current hair loss ,0
 but how do i download it it says available now but i can t find a download link tweetie,0
there is no world in which ueda would be related to nakai do not look same ,0
 thats really sad poor baby,0
sitting in the garden enjoying the sun but yet very bored ,0
chillin out after a massive wkend at the sunny coast which was awesome but sad to leave ,0
i must say school tomorrow will put me back from posting less twitters ,0
just met steph for lunch which was lovely but i had to resist spending all afternoon in the parks in the sunshine so i m back in library ,0
good morning off work todayin the pouring rain ,0
 aaah the eyebrows check out it s about the 4th post down not on the youtubes ,0
feels bad for tina and the fate of her car ,0
it took extra long to detangle my hair this morning now i m going to be late ,0
 i thought i forwarded you the confirmation it s on the website if not just went to get cash amp it hurt no more fun for me ,0
my cat has cancer ,0
 sniff ,0
you are going to get soaked in new york city today highs in the upper 40s and rain rain rain and some wind ,0
 a year too late gutted ,0
i think i might make it an all nighter i can t sleep ,0
 i told my dad i love him this morning and he just said bye,0
speaking of missing things i miss my little girl somethin awful i hate that she couldn t come with ,0
fell knee deep into a stream when i was showing my dog around now i m all muddy oo,0
blood ties then shower then class ,0
is wondering if anyone gets her tweets ,0
woke up with the headache of the century ,0
almost got treck 7000 but did not like gear shift on it i know i m picky lol photo ,0
took a little sprint to the printer shins are still sore don t think i ll be running this week ,0
misses the days of skipping class and staying in bed stupid work and responsibilities fb,0
 urgh thats wat always happens when you play games with ur parents ,0
having near 80 weather on saturday and now having a gloomy 46 degree monday not fair ,0
antibiotics for 10 days means no beer for 10 days and subsequently bedtime at 1030 for 10 days ,0
 sorry got it mixed up w basic auth ,0
too much tired right nowhit is killing me 43 c hit here ,0
disapointed in myself i got nothing accomplished this weekend besides catch up on sleep god is love god is great all the time,0
dammit i cant go ,0
 oh no are you really saying that the clouds story isn t fun and stuff seriously,0
 60 not bad no way i have done no revision over easter so i can t afford to go out at all ever ,0
i don t want to go back to work ,0
really need to finish this dumb report spent all day looking at the same five pages ,0
work at 10 not freakin stoked at alllll ,0
im up early this morning gotta play taxi once again ugh ,0
bored in the school and trying to study for the exam s,0
why is it the 20th already fck ,0
 quite the opposite in nyc sadly ,0
i don t want to to to work today ,0
dealing with slow internet at the moment i hope it comes back to speed soon ,0
morning everyone so gloomy out boo ,0
i don t wanna go to the uni i wanna sleep i m tired ,0
doesn t want to go back to school tomorrow ,0
 sadly yes your man is now wet and bedraggled after trying to wrangle some use out of it on the walk to the office,0
i still cant get a pic of me on my profile ,0
starting the day not back on track yet but hoping to get there today i am exhausted from last week got to get back on the treadmill ,0
 i enquired with the baconnaise people about getting some shipped to the uk they didn t reply bacon negative ,0
 i didn t meet you saturday ,0
in the office on a cloudy monday morning when will the sun be out i can t wait for summer,0
 what colour btw i forgot to bring my banner to amsterdam ,0
 i havent even smoked yet ,0
just hung washing on roof that was a mistake sun is nice don t want to revise now ,0
i can t believe i left my cell at phone i feel lost without it,0
sp ate my mini ravioli it was gourmet mini rav in tomato and meat sauce ,0
missed my first class again we had a practice quiz today ,0
its a beautiful day and i m stuck here working at the computer ,0
 haha fantastic i keep throttling on the edge of 200 demonoid doesn t like it if i seed from 2 places in 1 day ,0
 thanks natalie for all your help branson s site seems to be down right now ,0
kinda crappy outside just want to watch a good movie and cuddle but with 2 lil ones it makes it difficult ,0
is fed up of doing college work and getting nowhere ,0
once more off into the breach headed to work and in the snow no less ugh why snow of all things ,0
grandma is out of surgery hoping she gets better we get so fragile as we grow older ,0
i feel bad for my cat i didn t feed him this morning before i left ,0
 if you think that is bad the group i was dming broke up because i let allowed two bow rangers to exist in the goup dnd,0
 yeah mate of mine owns a villa there no didn t do the whirly bird was too expensive got some fantastic cheesecake though ,0
such a sad day lost two followers and my friend that skid class with mevlfft without me ,0
is very excited to be twittering away on twitter but does not have very good twittering skills yet or many twitter buddies ,0
has a lovely night last night with the boy s wish vicky had come aswell gonna go for my tea mmmmm pasta d xx,0
can t take revision seriously because it already feels like summer ,0
had to say goodbye to the hubz this morning won t see him again until saturday ,0
 so i guess unlike me you are actually following the diet i suck,0
hot weather in singapore this few days tak boleh tahan how i wish singapore is a cold country ,0
feeling like death bleh ,0
 arrrhghhhh my fav woman is so close but cant communicate ,0
 i wanttt ,0
 i m not able to attend today as i have a televideo conf scheduled tonight ,0
i wish the sun would come out ,0
i never thought that everything wud end this way you can take a blue sky and turn it grey i swore to u that i wud do my best to change ,0
wishing his cat would have let him sleep later ,0
 how do i do that the page won t load at all ,0
monday morning ,0
 wah dia kecanduan liat cewe2 sekseh yg goyang2 geje ,0
my clock is off so i have to keep looking at my computer for the time ,0
work sucks today nyc is so drab like i can t take this seasaw weather ,0
 oh i am sorry to ear you miss your mom and your family ,0
six hours of sleep i m gonna need a nappy soon,0
 quiet but bt engineer on the way thanks for asking yours,0
hate long speeches their ppt presentation was so boring,0
 i don t know if i like this and your name is too hard to spell,0
i like my doctor but today he is in my bad books coz he asked for more blood tests to be done and he double my bp meds ,0
 i know ,0
 i texted everyone it was a group message ,0
just woke up dont wanna work today ,0
 not very well to be honest ,0
have you ever felt like someone was ignoring you intentionally i feel it and the feeling gets more intense as the hours pass ,0
 hmmmm but it seems to have died ,0
 take me with you i feel rubbish coz my boss rubbished my intro on a story ,0
 no im still herelast nite was cooli miss him what homegirl say ive loved u since i was 8 the shit wont go away lol,0
 aww go beat em up,0
where are and the loser kid twitter gets a bit boring without them ,0
the facebook gadget of tweetdeck is quite cool but it does not update replies ,0
 i stand corrected ,0
well the end of the first day back the sun is shining and it s nice to have it over and done with back to reality with a bang ,0
so not feeling well at allthis is the second time in the 10 days ,0
 she might i m going to talk to the doctor about it today i hope it s an easy fix i feel so bad for her ,0
it s 227am and i ve no idea why i m still awake well that s not strictly true ,0
 i m sorry to say that i can no longer function without qh ,0
 i dont have a password im gettin my tix thru someone else,0
getting ready to board plane dreading meeting tonight ,0
loves the sun but the sun doesnt love me ,0
 i cant send u a message on here i really dont get itlol,0
 same here its only monday ,0
 why the switch of names for the mac client i liked bigbird ,0
 can t make leicester one seeing them in brighton instead gonna try to catch a few others too,0
packing upleaving nyc going to dirty jersey to test drive my new fiesta fiestamovement this has been amazing,0
awesomeabove average temp today in good old phoenix not ready for the heat ,0
 argh would love to but am bogged down with notes what a lovely day today wish i could have a long stroll xxx,0
the morning hasnt started off too great ,0
just got home from urgent care ,0
first day back to work and the sun comes out ,0
 yea but you dont have to drive an hour to work anymore either sad face,0
ms choppy waters so jumped ship way too soon ,0
ah i hate stupid drama sometimes i wish no of us ever got together so we wouldnt hurt each other stupidother than that great da ,0
bleh my throat is all scratchy and my eyes are kind of bleary and my stomach hurts ,0
i m at work ,0
 that won t last very long i run a campsite amp venue in fob and watch lambs learning life skills with little point,0
i know what my ashes song is going to be but im not home so i can t post the link to youtube so it will be revealed later ,0
has now got the taste of a tangle twister or loop the loop in my mouth not sure which it is but i have neither so it s useless ,0
 why ,0
 i can t believe it s been 10 years seems like yesterday ,0
freezing my arse off waiting for this boltbus i see the dc bus the mega bus but no bolt ,0
 mneh got an autoresponder not good news ,0
watching the bostonmarathon live feed at universalsportscom found out that firefox wants nothing to do with the live feed ie ok,0
there is a very fat very loud man with a bluetooth headset shouting about managing expectations brms and being kept in the loop ,0
is at home sick ,0
on our way out the hotel to go home ,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
 haha nice cant sleep again ,0
 i have on ted baker boxers on comfy my day was long have another long one coming up hence the 645am tweeting ,0
is it a sign of old age when one begins to abhor warmhot weather because that s me right now i ve come to hate spring and summer ,0
oy my friend and i went on an intense walk the other day now my calves hurt like nobody s business ,0
left 4 dead ing with tiff and alaine we re losing ,0
is not looking forward to next monday ,0
moment of silence for the 21 racehorses that passed away yesterday before the race in wellingtonfl really devestating ,0
nobody wants to folllow me am i not twitastic enough lmao,0
it s only monday night and i feel like i am fridaynight tired ,0
i m really hungry but i can t find anything to eat ,0
 he s on twitter but yes he s awesome and has an awesome name and sadly i know not of the commercial you speak of ,0
 godawful direction and lack of continuity were my biggest peeves 50 of casting was questionable sfx fail too ,0
 ohh man i wish i can play now i m at level 18 but last week i was at my sister s house and i forgot the game there ,0
acabou grey s ,0
 i dunno haha dont steal it okaay ,0
missing my husband to be ,0
guys what happened to my site it got hacked thelockerblogcom fuck you whoever did this,0
fangoria was a bust for me i didn t last more than two hours before i started projectile vomiting into the nearest trash can boo ,0
it s still hot had to bust out my lil fan hope i get a comfortable night s sleep,0
 good choices but none of mine ,0
is at the dentist ,0
why is it that the ones we love the most are the ones that hurt us the worst ,0
 just a reflection like a longass reflection ,0
im still at school preparing hard,0
having problems with restaurant city ,0
 i m doing so much homework i want to do fun stuff instead,0
 oh nooooooo there are so much bags i want ,0
iamdiddy my little boy had a fever today too get some rest n chix soup,0
awake o my room s too hot ,0
feeling like s can t sleep cause my head and body hurt sooo bad this stinks ,0
had a loong day with my momeven missed chuck oh well,0
it has been raining all afternoon hope it s not like that tomorrow i need more exercise,0
think my head is going to fall off owww,0
 whoa what an awful dream whaddaya make of it,0
still working on assignments amp it sux that the govt doesn t think doing an mba fulltime is worth supporting need an income quickly,0
 i only played for fun in college ,0
 no what is it ,0
trying to figure out how to install a photo in my twitter always tells me its to large anyone can help pls ,0
 you welcome eat some chicken soupand don t gargle salt water it doesn t work just makes you gag and feel worse ,0
 why mitts you not feeling too good ,0
 i think in new zealand we re a little bit behind in regards to the hills but will watch as soon as it airs here,0
sick and waiting for the drugs to kick in ,0
hungover today after too much red wine last night ,0
rains and thunderstorms in the middle of the summer i wish there was a way we could reverse global warming,0
 now im ol gah but you aren t ,0
tokyo sonata wanted to say something knew what it wanted to say something about but never really said it deeply disappointing ,0
now that the alcohol is wearing off my cold is coming back sniffle,0
 off to doc this morning had collapsed lung late last year wonder if connected ,0
cold shower ftw too bad clothes had to be put back on it s too hot ,0
in software engineering lab not feeling good ,0
wishes he was mandy moore s ,0
 we all know someone like this unfortunately don t waste your time,0
should be asleep but i am not feeling well in a bad high kind of way need to stop for a while ,0
fuck wanted to go to awakeri hot pools with emma and some other friends but can t get a ride back in ,0
3 mile walk with dogs and now need to get to work still can t shake this damn cough over a week with it ,0
don t feel well but i have to go to college because coursework is due in today ,0
sooo misses her gryphons and dorm room ,0
 just finished watching notorious still makes me sad to wonder what would have been ,0
imagimagefield_import module in drupal is not works for me i m sucking with it for two days nowany other mass image import in d6,0
 haha thats true hatred right there omg i wish donnie wahlberg would tweet at me ,0
can t sleep heartburn sucks ,0
in my way to university but i hate school ,0
just waiting 4 the tym 2 cum so i have 2 go skool ,0
its another gorgeous day outside i will be admiring through my office window ,0
a slow start today got quotbeaten upquot on the bb court yesterday,0
 no but my compositions are all in a format that no one but someone with the program can read for now anyways ,0
there are ants in my laptopa whole swarm i think ,0
bored at work ,0
 so did i sometimes i wish i was home schooled but i would miss all my girls,0
really could do with washing my hair but theres no hot water and no time dry wont work it has gel from yesterday in it ,0
i need a new boyfreind this isnt working he s trying get freeky with girls i m following ,0
 like the fluit sucks what about you,0
gah these assignments are killing me t_t computer science couldn t be much harder than this i need to take a breatherhelp ,0
 i never quite made it ,0
 that s hard ,0
 what s the matter,0
oh god worst school day evar today maths biology english history and bct ,0
somali pirates will now hear the roar of america quotgo sit in front of a judgequot surely this will stop all pirating and send a out chills ,0
sore throat and prickly skin ,0
on my way to school in oxfordshire happy that my day ends at 1140 am today due to me being off games for another 6 months ,0
tweetie iphone app has twitter trending desktop doesn t seem to ,0
is hoping that eric gets better soon she hates when her baby is sick i love you honey,0
stupid headache ,0
 coffee first thing i will do once son safely out of the door a little more encouragement still needed ,0
just got into work and having my porridgewhere s the sun gone ,0
 sorry to hear that ,0
 word me too condolences ,0
 oh i know that every thursday bad people singing outside my window good luck audrey ,0
 i can feel a rant coming on best not ,0
i really want to go ,0
worried about my son he hurt his head and all i want is to be there with him and hold him ,0
i cannot believe i locked my keys in the car again btw a hanger doesn t work,0
 poor brownies no one will eat them now ,0
just got to school its so quiet i hate it want to come home love you all x x,0
at work after a nice 3 day weekend boo,0
 ugh sorry,0
chatting with my cousin and waiting for the rain to stop ,0
mplstweets sad i won t be minneapolis at the end of the week on the other hand there ,0
lots of my prev classmates are transferring schools ill miss yall ,0
there s something that just feels wrong when an application platform from someone like linkedin offers 10 apps ,0
 it makes me so sad but hey she s an icon nontheless she s really funny as well after about that 5minute mark hehehe,0
sport in 2nd period today ran 3 k after school and now going for a walk ugh too much excercise ,0
 no that would have made it even more awesome though,0
 lovely idea you re such a sweetheart crazy rainy guitars poor things ,0
woke up with a tummy acheugh ,0
trying to find a decent twitter photo in this one i look like i have a moustache ,0
 i m talking about my photos making it into your story ,0
 oh dear what did he get you,0
 yeah i know how ya feel sometimes i wish i had an off switch ,0
early start again this morningit s so good to see the world before 7am dentist todayboo ,0
why isn t antique roadshow online i m addicted to that show but i don t own a tv i might have something to sell on there too,0
 i had to send my xbox in for repair and my nephews got my dvd player so i havent had anything but basic cable for over a week ,0
unbelievable traffic on lewes road gonna be late for work ,0
in school feeling really sick ,0
so rite now im freezen wish i had dat rightspecial shawty to cuddle wit ,0
got a blueray player today yay for me hmm now i need something to watch in it ,0
has an ear ache is hoping the medicine will work and i ll be feeling better quickly ,0
argh locked out of own server wish the guy responsible for domain maintenance toldl people before he starts doing weird stuff to ad ,0
my stepdad is home ,0
 consider both dead eddie is dead not what he used to be ,0
 send it in a spanish lesson xx,0
mosquitos everywhere groosss i m freaking out ,0
has a long day at work ,0
 i belong in front of a camera ,0
 thats just disrespectful not only to herself and body but to her dignity as well ,0
ewi hate the heatampheat hates me everyone already knows that tho cus they cant help but laugh when i tell them im allergic to the uvrays ,0
 high voltage makes me think of tattoo shop i don t like it not at all,0
 sad day found out there wasnt a new dollhouse on,0
back in college at least i made it whether or not any work is going to be done is another matter,0
awake and preparing for rixt s funeral ,0
is doing projects for consulting companies for free aarghh,0
olp i forgot about this just got back from a great vacation back to the books ,0
naww poor salwa not getting a reply from ben ,0
 can u write by english ,0
needing some advice in life and what to do with it ,0
 home so early no dt gay ,0
sad am going to see soozie,0
 does this mean no bombcast tomororw and why in london,0
the lecturer is talking about drowning puppies ,0
i can t even watch the hills cuz i have no cable buttttttt i can watch it online yay,0
 i overbaked the cheesecake brownies,0
 yeah i was trying out my new phone all i can tell is that it seems to have a battery life of 5 seconds ,0
 wow looks just like the one my daughter had when she was 6 that my rottweiler ate ,0
it s gonna be a crappy day bad start already tired crankyprivate study periods are killing mehelp ,0
owwwwwyyyyy just stepped on a piece of glass guess i did nt get it all murrr,0
god i m so tired i haven t felt this run down in a long time ,0
i am the first time to come here i am studying now0,0
blue sky the sun is shiningand i have to work today ,0
my long weekend has gone far too quickly can t believe i m back at work later ,0
can t b arsed studyin but i guess i hav 2 sigh ,0
 i kno rich ,0
going to update my profile background tomorrow but is going to take allot of work without photoshop ,0
i went out to cafe nearby office just to have a cup of coffee the sun was shinning bright now it rains and i am trapped perfect ,0
2nd day of my vacation don t have to be you so early but iam up,0
urg woke up really early andf am now totally dothery if that s a word ,0
is all confused and doesn t know what to do ,0
remembers with a heavy sigh shanbagh uncle and his premier book store india coffee house is gone too missing bangalore already,0
no skate police in london next time i just wont see you and i wont slide into you,0
 and twitter fox tooooo oh snap i m such a twitter noob ,0
good morning london twitterites everyone had a good weekend sunday shows really screw my body clock ,0
someone i know once said he felt as unaffected as a satellite and i have never understood how horrible it felt until now i m sorry ,0
 you ve got me craving for sonic ,0
did not that great on chem 102 final ,0
 aw naw i hope he s feelin awright how u love,0
dinnnnerr chiyeeerr some stupid cat stole my dead parot i was about to burry ,0
 you too ,0
 i don t like to think so no ,0
its almost 5am and i only had 2hrs of sleep lastnight off to work in a few ,0
 my hay fever is awful already nipping into the village later and get myself some piriton ,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
its raining in sydney ,0
 oops must be so painful to shift to thinkpad from mac ,0
my heart just sank and i lost my appetite note to self stop stalking,0
passport fees can be paid to ziraat bank i have learned this too late ,0
quothoping it will end up in his pocket but he leaves you out like a penny in the rainquot maybe coz hes married and reproducing like a rabbit ,0
 oh dear ,0
aggghhh 2nd day without headphones at work ,0
 yup i m there with you def on that i m sorry you feel that way ,0
why does she have to die poor man ,0
lpvunsigned inthhxyt foooo access violation ,0
eww just killed a spider in my house its time to spray the outside perimeter again ,0
crapg2g to history ,0
i m running out of space for cd s but i like being able to rip them at a bitrate i choose not that my ears can tell the difference ,0
man back in blighty with free internets on my iphone vegas was fun but got work piling up to do now ,0
allergies or insomnia doesn t matter the reason ,0
when i m looking at that stuff i really want to move so sf just to find some investors for my projectsideas belgium really sucks ,0
asks where s my lasalle jacket ,0
sold one of our puppies ,0
at college doing work ,0
 right i tried quotautomat ipquot thing have tried manually inputting ip addresses getting a bit lost ,0
 grr what a nightmare does that mean they re on cctv,0
hmm seems to be an usually loud hum eminating from somewhere following my reorg will need to track it down ,0
 bah you re too good for em mind my dad s on 4day weeks now as his company do costcutting ,0
 so the hot hits was lying then dw cause i m seeing them in june y,0
is sitting in work wishing i was out in the sunshine ,0
20 minute gap in service 18 this morning due to the additional buses getting stuck coming in from other routes we are looking into this,0
 yeah good thing i work at 3pm gtgt when will you be on this side of the ocean ,0
i miss the days when energy bills didn t come to 400 every three months time to try and extend my overdraft ,0
 i know right i loved it haha and ahh i know shes so lucky it sucks living in australia sometimes,0
 gasps oh no backtrack hugs hope you find it,0
 thank you for your kind words maybe one day we can be friends but not right now its just too hard for me ,0
just been to the chiropractor everythings a wee bit achyow ,0
 hopefully this year still no news about the visa ,0
 i am in serious need of a chiropractic release please help my body ,0
off to work soon still ill ,0
 home safe didnt go do what i wanted to do bc i got a random ass email from an exboo and it made me feel bad ,0
susan is heading to greenville for her motherquots eye surgery with my travel and her travel i won t see her again until thursday night ,0
my friend in infy got laid off m sorry for him,0
my messengers went nuts msn logs in and then freezes gmx logs in and out all the time just icq works properly ,0
at work filling in data boring lol,0
 gutted that preston won 6nil looks like cardiff s playoff hopes are not too good either i m sorry for swansea amp cardiff ,0
 your twit about the parent enraged me it s sad that people like that are still living ,0
waiting for my math class to start ,0
i have so much hate for spreadsheets ,0
 just found out tht i dont know your real name so evil plan foiled ,0
is there anyone wanna give me a fender jaguar bass to play at thursday s gigmine has a serious problem with the one pickup so sad,0
back hurts this morning ,0
attempting a poetry essay listening to jessie rose and feeling fat ,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
panicing about the final report write up its not looking good folks ,0
 watching the second to last episode of boston legal ever can t beleive it s nearly over ,0
 didn t make bugger all difference to ystes but he does have a mark on his perfect little row now ,0
 yessss thats it theres a monster outside your house let him know that he can get food there perfect sarcasm ,0
 ooh turns out tweetdeck doesn t support it the web does though ,0
well did good on first test bombed 2nd one looks like rest of class did too finished paper coglab and quiz another test in 7 hrs,0
does anyone know of an opera widget that works like twitterfox the one i have doesn t seem to update automatically ,0
hate being sick one of my ears is soooo full of wax can t get it out might visit a pharmacy today first shave n shower,0
 i m so excited for the set visit as well aww that sucks angie oh jaki damn i always forget to watch it,0
photo sweetness in the salt c ai coi phim n y cha hay v cm ng ghia lyrics ca nhc tht ,0
slept like crap hanging out on twitter now,0
 the word lunch is making me hungry haha i m going to eat soon sadly not nandos though ,0
 nope ,0
i am virtually bankrupt ,0
 agreed fingers crossed,0
 once tried the freezer method but didn t work for me since then i have a backup hd stored outside my home good luck anyway,0
why am i working today tuesdays are my days off ,0
slightly worried i might have consumption i watched moulin rouge and i m a hypochondriac ,0
 working unfortunately ,0
this morning my moped stopped a leak in the cilinder head again hopefully i can repear it this afternoon,0
my twitter always lagsss damn ,0
this weekend is a busy one arrrrgh hate it,0
about to eat then back to school geo test ,0
 can t believe you ve finished nm already sad times ,0
summer is around the cornerbecuz i m in the gym 630am ,0
is going to say goodbye to the car and get all the stuff out of it in a bit ,0
 poor guy hope you helped him,0
hiccupburps are the most embarrassing burps and the most embarrassing hiccups ,0
wishing my knee was fixed so i could go snowboarding ,0
oh no i reached my posting limit on craigslist and rain for the next two daysapril sucks 10 days to may and counting,0
 yes but how d you find out about it,0
i am so mad i have been trying so hard to get sold out tickets to see him here re ,0
 9999 for the jacket ,0
very tired and want to go back to bed instead of going to school ,0
 your link doesn t work for me ,0
wow blue skys and sunshine looks so smeg outside where will i be indoors reading bout strategic marketing and international marketing ,0
going to bed cant wait to wake up and greet the day with a sunny outlook and an overwhelming need to do things for others its hopeless,0
 the movie gets out at like 11 so ill be home at like 12 i ll try and have sess with you but i have work 2mrw ,0
 erika i miss youi have a new person to talk to on the phone,0
i m home so much rain we are soaked ,0
i really dont want to go to school today i m wayyyyyy too tired,0
is stressed about monies ,0
 i ambut cant sit in sun ,0
i know bless poor pikachu i ve only got rex the rabbit now ,0
nl customs is kidnapping a pes gift sent to me now i have to prove it to get my gift out of quotjailquot and wait some more days ,0
yay got my ps3 back from repairs this morning unfortunatley they couldnt do anything because there s a fault in the mainboard ,0
morning bus ride to school grr i hate waking up early ltif your happy i ll be happy for yougt,0
ughhhh bus ,0
is in the library with erinno muffins ,0
won t get my new phone 2day bummer i was looking so forward of getting it,0
just lost in a game of chess ,0
daddy had a diabetes reaction this morning this is the first time that has ever happened ,0
about to add youtube bgs on my photobucket saw the jashley bg that i made amp it s making me sad they were so cute together ,0
i miss spncon and the people there ,0
it s such a wonderful day i don t want to revise ,0
hours until exam 55 ps your prayers didn t work ,0
 morning free how s everything was it crazy last night i tried to make it but was exhausted and had soo much work 2 do ,0
 looks amazing cool photo too wish i could come and see you ,0
i m about to get ready for school woke up and my hair was still wet from washing it last night no straightener today ,0
missed es_f short ,0
just went out for dinner at chinese restaurant i don t like chinese ,0
an oracle swallowed a sun and spit out 10000 ,0
9 movies seen during the film festival 8 to go funny how it always seems to be great weather during the festival ,0
blsckberry is stupid with stuopidly small keysbut i want one ict sucks,0
hellacopters is the perfect longboarding soundtrack if i only had the board ,0
 oh no minzzzz so sadd to c a fellow friend suffering the way i did fukourlives,0
feeling very old today after abc2 described red dwarf as quotthat show your parents used to laugh at in the 80squot ,0
 they are saying that i love the jonas brothers too much and this one girl says that they have better taste than me and more ,0
tj s bbq amp grill spice mix and low sodium soy sauce good except marinated with too much soy sauce ,0
beep beep beep beeeeeeep i just died ,0
 he lookd at it at first like wat s this amp i said its a bday cardquot he smild amp said oh thank youbut then he had to go ,0
i m outta pouches ,0
runny noseampsneezing i hope it rains tmrws soooo no practice,0
 i don t know what you re replying to ,0
my neck is soooooooo stiff from playing piano non stop gods i gots to get a life ,0
 it s a sad situation all around hopefully the other victims fully recover,0
needs more follwersz ,0
jai ho on sea fm its soo hard not to like ,0
hahaha if i m not working i ll def be there if i m working late i m gonna have to pass ,0
my throat hurts ,0
 i didn t drive tonight amp my flute is broke its hitting all the wrong notes well have to rock with the harmonica tonight,0
 oh no that s okay thanks for trying congrats on all of the success,0
keep getting an error from itunes quotthe itunes library file cannot be saved an unknown error occurred 13001quot ,0
 i feel ya with the jacksonville comment oh and i was just going to babysit but they should have cancelled earlier so rudelol,0
 i did give you decaf lol and i am about to go o myspace and see what happensed some fuckers getting a new asshole,0
i found a kickass jacket in my closet my uncle said it s a belgium army jacket circa 199192 to bad it s too big ,0
mum in bad mood and i m copping it grr,0
just got done working out and now i m sore ,0
didn t have a good night ,0
 yes yes it is but u forgot all about me u effing suck u whore,0
is almost there almost there this poster is the only thing keeping me on the struggle bus ,0
 i m so sorry ,0
after being off for 3 days finally back to work tomorrow ,0
so someones been using my twitter i havent posted a quottweetquot for months and there some pretty interesting stuff going on here ,0
i really hate tatiana michelle hernandez ,0
lost two followers ah well i got to see sammyyy and that s all that counts d,0
 i was a little sob storyit didn t help a litle gushy didn t help and devotd to jordan for the past 21 yrs group amp solo,0
suppose to be preparing for sm bummed cried macy s blog nothing to do soon ,0
just when everyone was starting to forget prom got ruined rip ryan,0
 im not excited for tomorrow ,0
driving back to montgomery all by myself ,0
im a busy bee todaywaiting to do this phone interview for another bv story and off to revlon at 330 am still pullin all ,0
enjoyed fabric workshop amp museum opening esp 50ft white felt inflatable whale and cardoso flea circus didn t have my camera aam09,0
 i m sorry u have the flu ryan i hope u get better asap,0
3 days and i can t even get excited anymore i m sooo sad ,0
boredem and saddness yay rain haha,0
jett bandy just crashed on his way to first wtf ,0
haven t heard anything about the job yet despairing ,0
jack johnson better together best song on the night ,0
damn its gonna rain allllll day tomorrow ,0
doesnt want to leave newport next week ,0
won t be sleeping tonight till like 3am because that s how i do when i don t have my bed to sleep in ,0
at home tonight and still feelin like caca ,0
so nautious i can t see strait apperently the baby did not appreciate the wings off to get preggie pops in the morning,0
 cool i saw you at quotthe stonequot squares and billy satalite killer show my car got towed that night but it was worth it,0
 sorry to hear about your grandfather ,0
 shhhhhh xd some ppl still need to catch up ,0
 why are you not friends ,0
just lost at texas hold em ,0
i want to start playing tales of vesperia but i m tired ,0
wants to play with makeup but has no makeup to play with ,0
gettin to bed early for day shift 2morrow ,0
my contacts feel disgustingbeen in far too long blinky blinkystill isn t working guess i ll have to take them out,0
 there was a good burger place there like to the right of mc ds but they closed ,0
ahhh i think i just killed a bunny ,0
not only is tmbg playing kc when we ll be in chicago but it s a full album flood show and there s a kid s show the next day ,0
how can uu tell when u r drunk i know im drunk cause my bottom lip get numb ,0
rural and university i hope i don t miss this bus that would be lame ,0
 oh did you try to get some i can t print the coupons ,0
 i have no willpower lol,0
and no i m not mad over that just mad period good bye ,0
cramps are horrible i miss my babyboo ,0
too good to be true he s up and crying already ,0
i can t believe its a friday night and i m about to hit the sack ,0
 i dont know whats going on ,0
missing my friends ,0
thea vidal is hosting the watching avn awards she is killing me me no likeah ,0
missing both of my girls they are on a family retreat the house feels empty ,0
oh no the rain is pouring down and my brother is at dreamworld ,0
 ahaha lol srsly plus you in prison would make me sadface ,0
 aww good night,0
gt twitter needs to make the character limit 300 or something 140 isnt enough especially when you got a really funny joke to say ,0
damnno hat do ya ll prefer todjae with or wo the fitted,0
 great start to the weekend sadly mine is just as boring ,0
my back hurts ,0
good morning world its too early aber meine l tte hat einen spa an diesen nummern ,0
just worked my last night at the oakland children s and i m sad that was my 2nd home for 4 years new hospital tomorrowwoo,0
sitting on my bed feeling sick ,0
 likes shitty bands like lorene drive also saw yay,0
 when are you coming back to nocalifornia last time you were here you played in a chico bar and i wasn t old enough to go ,0
i haven t seen the movie yet ,0
n bed relaxing feels sooo g00dmissin 0ne thng th0 ,0
i cant sleep this is awful i wish someone would just knock me unconscious oh and i just learned i dont know how to spell unconscious ,0
 you took me off your channel page lol,0
 hi judy jst wanted to know quickly if the yube moisturizer is any good because i want2 buy off ebay i have dry lips ,0
it s a horrible feeling when you want to help someone but you know for a fact theres nothing you can absolutely do ,0
 parking tickets are evil and horrible get yourself something hot to drink and a pillow to punchstompbitethrowtear apart,0
 umm what s that supposed to me ,0
 they look as if they have some sort of disease ,0
 oh no hope youre better before tomorrow x,0
 way to ruin a dream ,0
i got to eat but ther noting to eat in my shit houes ,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
wants to just hug and kiss him ,0
hey everyone i got new sunglasses awww i am sorry natalie ,0
 wish i could see you again when you come to torontobut i will be in ireland it makes me sad ,0
sleep over at josh s house because he insists on us watching i am legend work at 7 yuck more money yay ,0
 10 years without direct sunlight until she is 20 i feel sorry for her social life and for her bones i ve known kids like that ,0
so one more week that means 7 days b4 till my hubby comes home from iraq and such as he s home for 2 weeks yeah i m calling in ,0
has tonsillitis or glandular fever either way i m not going to be able to touch my boyfriend or drink for 2 weeks ,0
now my iphone s wifi is broken at least i ve got a fun week in store in orlando wooo,0
 not dressed for it ill be out next week tho,0
my contacts are dry and i dont have any more eye drops ,0
 he went to school today hoping for a track meet didn t happen i didn t hear about the reschedule until now,0
 aw man that sucks i did that book buyback thing toomy book that was originally 130 got 16 back ,0
ugh ryan reynolds got married too ,0
 i like taylor swift but not enough where i would pay to see her hahaha i wanna see the jo bro s ,0
 twitter s not letting me post my photo,0
 so sad you didnt choose me ,0
there was an earthquake while i was sleeping ,0
my car is officially deadtotaledgoneforever ,0
 omg im missing sooo much ,0
 why i was watching faithfully i never heard anything about it i m so sad ,0
so sleepy and i still have 3 and a half hours to go fml,0
 i wish there wasn t any bad in this world i don t know how much more i can take before i break,0
 not much just bored out of my mind i should go to sleep in a bit i just can t keep up only getting 5 hours of sleep ,0
lifes been crazy recently sorry for not paying enough attention to everyone ,0
o lawd i aont feeln too good hope i aint got the swines ,0
one of the motors is kindof sketchy i may have to switch to using the slower ones with shit loads of torque still need 12v of batts,0
swine flu in china hk reports 1st case of swine flu mexican man who arrived in hk via shanghai ,0
 found out becky has to work tmrw night ,0
 that really sucks im sorry,0
tonight is uglyim just gonna kick back at the cribalone but relaxed nonethelessim writing songs so i ll survive lol wassup wit yall,0
 that s why you were laughing you silly girl i wish i saw him ,0
boarding the shanghai flight sad to leave beijing ,0
 cool yeah he said to talk with you on what i can donext week when this launch is over it is back to normal ,0
 shit fuck damn i absolutely loathe mobile twitter well not really i just wanted to celebrate my 1000 and its too late now ,0
ugh must be up in 4 12 hours to catch flight back homei m sure i ll be a chipper person tomorrow ,0
 ugh i said the same thing she said eff us haha not funny tho ,0
 what time is the thing again should i get out of bed na ,0
got shitfaced last nite amp had unprotected sex with a stranger think i might be pregnant ,0
its raining and its pretty depressing ,0
 thanks wish you were you were coming out ,0
 seriously i m dyin girl ya know how when ya dont eat all day ya stomach shrinks didnt take that into consideration ,0
 oh dang ,0
doing loads of hw 2dayy ,0
just realized i totally blanked and forgot the first friday artwalk at fail,0
 i am lost please help me find a good home ,0
im tiered why do i always work saturday i need a coffee urgent,0
 ahhh man youre failing at life right about now ,0
wondering why on earth she can t find a real christian bale to follow sniff,0
cant believe ive woken up this early on my day off ,0
from what i ve gathered i m the only one in my group of friends that likes blink182 quotall my best friends are metalheadsquot ,0
 the link didn t work ,0
 at a bar today was my first day whew ,0
lit exam tomorrow that s right i have an exam on a saturday evening then hanging out with my big ready for a fun night and weekend,0
 hope so we need to at least hug goodbye forever at some point ,0
 not feeling better then ,0
is going to sleep with a sore throat and no medicine ,0
 while i know it may not be your fault i really wish streaming weren t the only option given the demands on my internet connection ,0
shattered sway sway in melbourne sold out im gonna cry people take forever to want to go then its too late ,0
i miss his stupid face this sux,0
nope not tonight found something else i was missing ,0
 don t think they will ,0
 obviously i m deranged it hurt a hell of a lot like grit in the eye and nettle rash i also didn t get any super powers ,0
 gave them a go but nope still not doing it ,0
getting a headache when i ll be work out the exam hufft i think i got a lil fever ,0
win7 installed feels very zippy but where is tweetdeck database i can t get into userapplicationdata folder ,0
 i m stuck indoors since wednesday and my comp speakers r out of order and my phone is in service centreno music ,0
is cranky at ricky and wants time togeva with out any one but that wnt be hapnin till tuesday just want it to be fun again,0
 thnx will see doc if it gets worse cell s on vibrate i think i left it in my office school no cell 4 me til monday ,0
 i am so torn about going to nyc now gotta go check my emails and see if today show has any good word for me,0
 o twitter is not bull myspace is bull i don t understand it lol,0
i feel like a pile fever and headache hope all you twitters are having a great friday night,0
bouncing from the ballard ballroom to browers and then back again these drinks are making me sleepy ,0
 nothin layin down im sleepy but naturally i cant go to sleep ,0
last night in chicago two great italian places today though ,0
typical friday night grants tortures gus gus leaves in a quotblaze of gloryquot i m gonna miss nights like these ,0
apologies again for changing my name back to what it was originally i missed it ,0
 haha really purple interesting well everyone went to camp but i didnt i love you,0
why does the boss loop station have to cost so much ,0
my nerves are already shooting through the roof and i haven t even got there yet ,0
wishes he was going to catwalk tragedy tomorrow ,0
late nite still gotta go to work ,0
time for work but then its dancing time ,0
 ohdamnnthis sucks ill get there and run my ass off to the cinema area and make my way through the crowd,0
im freaking late ,0
hope i m not sick i have a really big project at school and i don t want to get left behind ,0
 very glad that you are well sorry to hear that your head feels crappy sending well wishes and good vibes your way,0
 yea we can cry together ,0
fuck my vaio crashed ,0
my room is so empty ,0
bored out of my fucking gourd im gonna be a geek and say quoti miss schoolquot ,0
 painful to watch whether u like xmen or just good movies in general bad storycgieverything sorely disappointed,0
had too much champagne with some friends last night more sleep would be peachy but must ship some orders this morning ,0
late and i cant sleep wish i could hear her voice 148 am saturday wish i had you closesue where are you baby ,0
phone conversation over now im bored bedtime,0
 i love metro station but in spain nobody knows them ,0
 mcfly has lost me i m not a fan of what you are now your like all the other music i miss your old music,0
hungryyy i can t go downstairs by myself i ll bust my ass they took us out the cub ,0
net down at hme ,0
 is having the worse day ever boss is spazzing out at work and finally done with a late night photo shoot only to have a flat,0
the guy i like says he hates my hair ,0
 lo siento love wish i was in town ,0
up from insomnia new orleans is crazy thank god carnival cancelled our cruise to mexico quotawwquot but we going to the bahamas instead,0
 you made me eat unnecessary calories ,0
it s 1am and i just woke up after falling asleep on the couch ergh now i need to try to get back asleep not going to happen i think ,0
going home ,0
misses his girl ,0
loooong day 666 in the morning i really miss ,0
can t sleep i ll pay for it big time tomorrow,0
 i am officially in morningthakyou for informing me of this important matter ,0
innout was good give me a tummy ache though ,0
 sorry i don t so sad for she has lots to see inside,0
i m bored at home right now ,0
 what being stuck in an elevator looks like this sux,0
 hey gi u nt mad me r u hun u hvnt bn hitn me bk since i missd ur party ,0
needs to invest in a new dryer so she doesn t have to dry each load of laundry twice i d really like to get my comforter done,0
i missed aaron stone but drew in netball ,0
de la soul currently over 20 minutes late ,0
 me neither i need to get off the interwebz forreal,0
escalator can be so dangerous caaaareful people ,0
 the url doesn t work ,0
not seeing makes alan a saaaaaaad panda ,0
 hey hey ik d get in vent some time ,0
 you are ahhh i m so jealous they commented me on myspace haha i doubt they d tour in australia ,0
am feeling dejected why must there be any double standard,0
having a bbq tonight but it looks like it s going to rain then ,0
last day in india and think i m getting delhi belly ,0
 not a good night for puppies ,0
 it was me ,0
i think i might have just injured my left shoulder it hurts real badagh ,0
i love visiting my sister i don t want to come home and go to work tomorrow ,0
the last painful thing i have to do before i can graduate is my mcb lab report ,0
if i was to be gone for 3 days would you nudge me ,0
ow chihuahua i just burnt mt thumb with boiling hot ass water oh well going to bed after i eat,0
i m bored and lonely tonight ,0
just got back from acer service center they said it could be anything powerboard motherboard lcd hard drive get well bruce ,0
 yeah i get that at fred s too man i wish i woulda known or i would ve went after work i m in jammies now ,0
on the coach on the m6 somewhere unfortunately on the wrong side of the bus for yellow car ,0
just hoping i could go to mcfly s show here in brazil i ve cried so many times cuz i can t go ,0
is ill and in bed boo,0
is tired and has no good movies to watch someone lend me something please lol,0
im out of donughts ,0
i feel like absolute shittttt and i have a fever now nooo don t worry cora i will still come in to work tom unless im like dying haha,0
 aw yay for buying one lol don t go on optus prepaid they screwd me over gt_lt,0
nice weather in seattle meant nobody seemed to go out and do things they would have enjoyedlike going to comedy clubs m s games etc ,0
gossip girl now lang e u know i was busy the whole day kaya bumabawi lang rin ako ng tulog sayang absent kends later ,0
if you don t like lady gaga then i don t like you ,0
bloody chest infectionsnow i m going to miss the biggest game of the season need some tlc ,0
to be honest i just want my quotboyfriendquot i have no idea where i stand relationship wise fuckit ,0
up dressed out the door ,0
 i wasn t invited to have fun ,0
 if snyder did it and it was r it would have been great the reviews for this sucked which prob means no magneto origin ,0
tea just doesn t taste the same with soy milk ,0
omg ronald mcdonald is following me now hi ron just wanted to let you knowclowns scare me lol,0
mom bought me some jergens natural glow and i think i might be allergic to it it s all over me d,0
no internet anymore tt spend all the night finding yet still don t know what fucked up here ,0
i dont know why i m in such a bad mood ,0
im soo bored now x,0
 boohope u got my text so sorry so late reply ,0
is it just me or are social psych args based on evolutionary theory like this really frightening ,0
 i m feeling it just like that ain t got paid too ,0
 i need to take a tweetup tour around europe i wasn t on twitter last year when i went to europe ,0
 i m late on commenting about the season finale and can i just say i ve never cried so hard over quotreality tvquot i miss dk ,0
wanna hang out with her girlfriends ,0
 and if your cams arson rude you are supporting piracy ,0
not feeling well ,0
just woke up well kinda didnt sleep had a fight with my boo ,0
 i miss you more ,0
good night with friends missing my marty though night peeps,0
is not feelin too good ,0
 you don t sound spoiled at all xd and yeah waking up at 6 is going to be a killer x_x so is having to go to bed early ,0
just lost winnable basketball game ,0
 no nothing just a puppy i know and his fate will not be sooo great ,0
finally got to download twitterberry but it s not working for me damn it ,0
about 8ish hours left in burlington and i m crying already btv,0
 oops sory 4 late replyum no i dnt think they ever have come downunder i hope they dohow long ago did u c them,0
i wanna finish 30 rock but couldn t coz all episodes are in my laptop ,0
oh no anthony geary fell off my wall oh no anthony geary fell off my wall ,0
its funny how people dont want me to come town with them ,0
 is this week children s week oh mercy how i miss wow ,0
on the train to work again n really cba 2day want my bed ,0
in a jp restaurant and they are playing a song that i ve been trying to hunt down for the past few weeks someone s playing with me ,0
 ,0
it feels funny in my tummy ina bad poorly way ,0
loves ashley tisdale so much i havent met her yet and it sucks mum amp dad say i never will but im not giving up ly,0
thunder woke me up sniff sniff ,0
thinks that she should get down to some revision ,0
 monicaa i can t reply you you appear offline in my mobile msn ,0
 ,0
wintersport season is over see you in december,0
kelis and nas are getting a divorce ooooh nothey were one of my favorite hiphop couples ,0
kitchen drawer clutter chucked and drawer now sorted a bit ocd but times were desperate as couldn t find corkskrew ,0
from 40kg to 45kg i gain weight i eat a lot gawd,0
 that sucks ,0
disappointed that my felt hasn t arrived am going to have to go out and buy some more now ,0
 tweetie is good true but nambu crashes on me shame because i really want to try that one out thanks for the message though,0
dear god shut up drilling next door i m tryin to be ill here ,0
woooo watching kids tv haha my little sis wont let me turn over boooooooo lol ,0
 sorry about your boys today ,0
right gonna go to romsey will the traffic be a state i wanna see caattyyyy ,0
 a painful yet important lesson we all learn ,0
nargis one year anniversary still haunts me as nightmare,0
 sorry didn t reply to your text phone ran out of charge ,0
i need to burn windows cd and my both burners are broken what a lovely morning,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
on our way home from holibobs ,0
is getting tearyeyed because of gloomy sunday dang this song is so depressing ,0
 haha don t be mean ,0
pfffff twitter s sloooooow today cmon peoples tweeeeeeet xd,0
 kinda but not really but kinda ,0
i just had chinese so yumm but now soo full ate tooooo much ,0
 why is you so itchy ,0
last interview i went to i failed the technical part ,0
 man i need to get out havent been out for about 5 weeks ,0
i have to study today but first i m gonna shop with my mom,0
is seriously suffering today ,0
porridge came back up back to square one ,0
 bad night bad times i hate the police and alcohol and btw katie cw scores are added on they mean very little,0
listening to aussie hits at work talking to james customer bored im working tomorrow morning as well ,0
brought the lil girl with me down south what a quotruffquot ride poor thing ,0
 im goodchilling out while i should study lol i got lots of stuff to do too ,0
hates learning ,0
has a tummy ache ouchies ,0
oh no rly bad stomach ache,0
 now andy smells not so sexy ,0
had waffles instead new bottle of syrup they weren t nice tho i feel kinda sick now ,0
remember the days when you had to manually type in song names on itunes etc well i ve got a big box a cds and no internet or toaster ,0
no chinese class this morning ,0
some fucking skanks are sitting on my sofas ,0
 he just woke me up by headbutting me in the face ,0
going to bed by my self again c u after work my darling love you,0
finished replying to the 8 comments on fantasyreality part 50 it cheered me up to read those comments after dealing with job rejection ,0
bimmer fest i wish i can go ,0
i could have got 100 in analytical chemistry but hypersomia killed it ,0
on the drive home wont get there for like an hour ,0
studying again ,0
 my tickets aren t here and everyone else at work has had theirs don t ruin my birthday next week pls,0
wishes he could go and visit dubai next weekend ,0
 ,0
 no no i shallclean your house too damn i m a cleaner ,0
sad that jaymi and i weren t able to go to mika s party we had no transpo ,0
i can t stop sneezing now i keep coughing and my cat is in one of his annoying moods good morning,0
naaw 2 of the 3 jonas brothers made it on to the most beautiful list i wonder which one didnt kev poor baby,0
can t play wow at all macbook has been disconnecting and now restarts 30 seconds after log in since latest patch i don t get it ,0
so bored i want to sleep but a what i like about you marathon is on so ill probibly tough it out for a little while longer,0
 but but,0
 do you reckon you ll have russell on your chatshow soon i miss seeing you two in action ,0
 oh man make a fowd in luxembourg d,0
bit hungover likes have to go and tidy up gear too ,0
 awww makes me wish i was home ,0
almost 3 maybe i ll be able to fall asleep soon ,0
 clean me,0
 clean me,0
dyin from sun ,0
 clean me,0
is wondering what its like to be famous ,0
got an early start and thought i would be home early this saturdaywrong ,0
 i was streaming but it stopped ,0
updated several old posts no sleep but it s off to work now,0
it s not big nor clever black sambuca fail ,0
mornin tweets no chester zoo today looks like house work is on the cards but not b4 i feed my addiction and join a twibe,0
waiting for some1 to sign on skype ,0
 quotfeelin on my aquot was one of m favorites u took it off ,0
 awww i miss you too baby ,0
 being minus gets even better you lose what you overdraw plus a fee for doing it well anz does anyway ,0
 oh bite me i love my suits where them little now but still love them the ones i got don t fit no more ,0
go to work ,0
why do i feel so exhausted ,0
i always feel sad when it rains ,0
spy kids doesnt seem as good as it did wen i was little ,0
 what ,0
i m crazy for thinking that someday you ll change things when you keep on crossing the line sighhh i m really down tonight ,0
 i work in software development management not console games unfort ,0
just finished my day lesson in japanese can t seems to get the hang on the writing though ,0
 i had acro and we did heeps of strength and now im realli sore wbugt,0
just read langford column in sfx jab at asexuals not cool ,0
 family wars begin again why can t they just shut up or divorce or something ,0
says i miss cro already ,0
 oh i love taco bell i m surprised taco bell hasn t franchised out there yet,0
 im amused never wanted to be famous come give me a hand think i bit of more than i can chew ,0
 where ya going i ll meet u therei wish ,0
 hope your headache gets better well try and enjoy your evening ,0
 i dont get it truth tweet said you dont have twwitterr i wonder if its true or not is it ,0
this time last week i was waiting on my flight to glasgow,0
i hope everyone has a great bank holiday although i have to work on monday ,0
gona watch people buy my mom s things at a garage sale at eve s garden ,0
 i m stuck at home tonight ,0
time is running out again ,0
 imogen where on the planet earth are you i miss talking to you ,0
iot is so hacrs not to use your thhubmx whn typing as i cant reach a lot of teh keys ,0
 following bizcase then kanna distract by aware la ,0
shower then to workno weekend for me ,0
 yeah i know we have to change that,0
okayy so its a bank holiday weekend nd im stuck it scotland mehh ahh well back on sunday off shopping as per usual,0
 it s alright went and hung out with casey and isabella last night they said hi wish i could have stayed with them stupid job ,0
 i made my page on hereeit sucks thoo ,0
on my way to twickenham for army vs navy rugby match stuck on the m25 though ,0
 me too so sad last note was 3 days ago ,0
gahh my sister took my phone recharger to sydney now i can t recharge my phone ,0
must work ,0
 thats a great picture and wow really thats so sad ,0
off to sevenoaks i hate my internet ,0
 cool have fun without me p,0
mornin ppl xp could be a degree warmer outside still a bit chilly ,0
 actually i was using it doesn t have a sort by price option ,0
 i didn t get your picture ltsobgt ltsobgt,0
last roll up till 1 o clock broadcasting live at ,0
i stuffed my iphone usb connector to the iphone but cannot charge found dirt probably left by my cats on the usb connector ,0
feeling very unattractive ,0
i think i failed my second exam arrghhh ,0
really gonna miss the best baguettes in the world ,0
 i know they are eek i hate it i cant believe it its like they came out of know where i have my first exam in like 13 days,0
 why did you said my password in my information boxnow everyone can hack me and i will use spiderpig some other time ,0
 just hold on things ll get better they always do somehow hard to put quotcomforting sympathyquot in tweet but it s there,0
i want to go back to bed i don t wanna it is gonna be a long day,0
is bored is sad is pissed ,0
 sites are down ,0
i ve lost 10 frames from a rendered animation and i can t find out where they go i need an application to count for me ,0
 sorry read you message too late plus you always put down sheffield ,0
melissa s dog angel is home from the vet800 dollar vet billugh she is still very weakcan t walk or even stand up on her own ,0
just received bad newssyg s great grandmother had passed away todayi feel sorry for him ,0
2days in a studio 2k of bimm s money and this is the result someone wasted their money or time ,0
is off to take final 1 of 3 then back to studying for final 2 tomorrow morning i hate finals ,0
 because it s far expensive and only a month before i m leaving to japan i really can t afford it ,0
damn it feels like i got some last night cus i m super happy n shit but the truth is i haven t oh well lol,0
says marvin and ashley left already now i m home alone again ,0
i so much love tweetingi soon need a good data plan for to start tweeting mobilei miss tweeting on the go ,0
so tired it s not even funny,0
is in tunisiasat in front of a sun ultra5 workstation ,0
i think charlotte has chicken pox ,0
ohhh nice shower needed that to clear my head before work half an hour to go ,0
 yeah but i ve tried searching the net but i cant find it guess we ll just have to wait until it airs in england ,0
 yuk you re not preggers are you blah to peanut butter ,0
 i am c u soon too bad other wont make it ,0
typed out a long lj entry that i needed opinions on and it deleted itself either the internet is against me or karma is a serious bitch ,0
 sadly it was mornin ,0
 thanks looks like it s a rainy day at the derby hope it clears up amp you have a great day everyone watch nancy et nbc,0
just finished my last pack of nerds sad times ,0
should play cricket today almost after an year ,0
 ah bummer marina has been sick all week so you may not see her tomorrow ,0
i wish to be happy ,0
i think the vet has bought a second house with my money ,0
 are the magazine just going 2 b on sale in usa right i m from spain whateverthank you so much for everything you do on jhq,0
just woke up ,0
flights delayedhair disastersmissing shoes how can i convince noncorkonian mates that i simply must be in a bar for 3pm latest ,0
virus on my bebo ,0
 oh my god that poor bird ,0
cant sleep not feeling well ,0
at work in the office only 5 hours left x,0
awake at 8 am went to sleep at 4 i m tired ,0
 i totally agree ,0
after a fitfull night of tossing and turning off to the er i go ,0
i hate it when i am wide awake this early and i know that if i get up i ll be tired later but i just can t fall back asleep ,0
i have a major toothache from my stupid wisdom tooth ,0
what bugs me i m gonna miss wwdcs keynote ,0
can t be bothered need motivation to climb out this rut ,0
 sorry to hear that sorry cuzin ,0
started work at 5am on a saturday boooo ,0
feels bad for getting jaime into trouble ,0
lack of sleep and stress landed me a cold and sore throat great way to spend your vacation,0
its to early time to ref little kids again ,0
 ahhaha zena is funny omg loved that chapter omg nick omg poor him please dont mke idiot david do anything to him,0
i ve had a cold for the past 3 days hope it isn t swine flu need to get better for stag,0
am at the vets with thor don t mention this on facebook as i haven t told the kids yet it doesn t look good ,0
will go to the media markt now wish you a wonderful stunning day here it begins to thunder and i m afraid of thunderstorms ,0
 really noooooooooooo i can t even see it it s in french here ,0
trying to make my goldfish well again he s on a strict diet of garden peas and swim bladder meds awww i wish he d get better,0
 no i was going to go even before he said anything cause i met mba when i hung out with nick and hes cool but i didnt ,0
it s too early for a saturday oh summer break i pine for you,0
can t believe that whole tub of ice cream is gone already ,0
it is raining and i feel like i haven t been to bed yet no jdf walk for me ,0
headache ,0
i gotta work for four hours and then it is shopping and bridesmaid dress shopping ,0
currently finding dan deacon summerier than the shins can t listen to math the band cause it reminds me how much i miss ,0
has finally got changed but is feeling fairly ill ,0
just back from geocaching the caches i failed at last time got one failed again on the other ,0
making sympathy card for mom for children requested now on zazzle sigh,0
says multiply is temporarily unavailable how sad ,0
getting ready 2 go to a car show with the rents wtf was i thinking still no sleep ,0
is up so early time for some breakfast then little cousins communion i wish someone was up and would text me to keep me company ,0
 it s pretty expensive though think i ll be needing a summer job fancy guitar lessons,0
good morning everyone i wake up to yet another day of coughing plus my daughter has a fever yay ,0
 lol i know so annoying people behave like that though can really ruin things x,0
been trying to look at iphone tutorialguide but reading objectivec is giving me a headache ,0
i want to go to america ,0
another day of cooking shows kbis atlanta 3 sets today it s my wives b day and we are in different cities ,0
the door says we are not open yet the gates are still up but no let push on the door anyways ahg morning ,0
 btw did you get clips put together for tmmm i never ended up getting a copy of the movie ,0
doing a pitstop at q8 30 min till arival place nasty flies covering my car ,0
beach today my boy leaves tomorrow ,0
 i m thinking about how much my bf might hate me and how i m going to live without him i have my own war ,0
 baby died last night day,0
is going to freeze his balls off during the marathon tomorrow ,0
waiting for mum to get in so i can meet scoot ,0
going to the clean upsee ya in 8 hours ,0
sooo exhausted not wanting to go to work ,0
 you saw another movie without me cry cryhehe,0
mrsd on standby tomorrow she s already been caught for a crappy trip 6am6pm someone must ve thrown a sicky,0
 omg i was just talking to alex about con s 1yr pics the other day the year went by crazy fast ,0
michelle is watching the mini marathon on tv and really wishing she were running today feeling really sad she s missing all the fun ,0
great why did i even bother thanks mate ,0
 clean me,0
 hungry type feed to feed me,0
melbourne has given me a sinking feeling about returning to hobart even though it s missing some things i really like it here ,0
i just ripped my tights oh no ,0
rofl i lost da feelings in me lips but not me leg i can feel me leg ,0
i m back again but my tweetdeck isn t working ,0
spending the morning writing papers then senior wills ,0
just woke up relly tired ,0
 indeed sir got in town late last night wedding today and out sunday morning ,0
blah being drunk by myself courts being crap ,0
its past my bed time hopefully i will wake up in the morning and wont be sick might go visit charlie the beagle tomorrow,0
 your cards managed to sweep through atl then just to rub it in they did it in dc too ,0
i ve something in my eye and it really hurts ,0
morning twittervilleneed coffee but off to take puppy to vet for another round of shots wish me well hate to see her cry ,0
misses kstr i didn t get to see him today avou honey,0
me cos of the way i acted yesterday wish i could turn back time i wanna be outside but im stuck inside ,0
 oh fareal yeah yo we didn t even go 2 prom we didn t have ne school spirit lol,0
i m boreddddddd someone come amuse meee xd,0
alligator ally is closed ,0
ahh working all day and night ,0
i just jacked up this umbrella cake ,0
i m up way too early ,0
i really hate my fake family now please gimme a little space for my own life ,0
i suck at useing my time well ,0
dammit was doing a blog post and the power went out the ridgeway and storms don t mix together ,0
is enjoying a rainy day at home with the family soccer games canceled ,0
just looked at me and i never saw some of ur replies so if i ever didn t tweet u back i m sorry ,0
 my younger son he speaks of how he wishes he had a twin i actually miscarried his 9 weeks have yet 2 tell him ,0
wish i could be bamboozle ,0
i m up early on a saturday i suck i m really sleepy 0_o,0
 i think mine lives 36 hours away ,0
is in a quandry i don t know what colours to use ,0
i moved bedrooms the other week and i put a box of cds some where but where i don t know ,0
 try to have a good day,0
 wishing i was there with you flight acybos only 239 wish i d known ,0
 why ,0
we ve lost tiny ham i hope you re safe and come back to us miniest hamster ever ____,0
i woke up with the worst headache so rude,0
studying for finals and making graphicswishing i could go out and do something ,0
feel sick as a dogshouldn t have taken those shots of brandy last night ,0
ack woke to a headache ,0
 i knoooowww i m really hurting right now i don t want my coworkers to see me like this ,0
then the major motherfuckin fail was my damn power being out we didn t even have a tornado and a bitch doesn t have lights fml ,0
 i hate finals ,0
i m pretty pissed i won t be at bamboozle today ,0
 listenin 2 a lot of jlo stuck a let s get loud dance comp here at work until 830pm earlier was kaisers tho,0
 too lazy to think of deviant sexual acts at the moment ,0
 you hate me becouse don t reply me never ,0
i m dead ,0
 ahh u cried me too but the movie was cool was en it xxxxxxxxx,0
not having a great morningfever back ,0
 haha but i don t leave people behind and i kill everyone on the map i m terrible at this,0
 ya that s what i was thinking i ll figure something out,0
 school on a saturdayughh so much studying patiently waiting for u to join me ,0
 a funeral bummer maybe it ll cheer u up in a weird way it ll make u happy that u get to live another day bright side,0
we leave for seattle this afternoon back to work on monday john goes back to dublin tomorrow three weeks went too fast,0
working all day today no sunshine enjoyment for me today ,0
awake because if i didn t get up now i wouldn t be awake for work ,0
ive got swine flu i think lol nah its a cold ,0
i want to go swimming soon but not tomorrow too much works to do ,0
i can t believe it s already 11 for the chelseafulham match i can t find a spurs stream boo ,0
 i wish ,0
 sounds cool but its sold out and i already had plans ,0
at work till 2pm got the mean hangover 6 more days till south beach,0
got to be a ballerina yesterday and very sore because of it today ,0
 sorry your stuck inside all day no fun at all,0
american series sucks they always kill best characters,0
mr ew rap radar is down ,0
farmers market work out homework no slums today ,0
 sorry i fell asleep on you ,0
after surviving several major blows to delicate areas my camera is officially dying on a happier note it s a very pretty day today,0
aw thats gay ,0
actually revising today is and it s sooo boring,0
wolverine day going to buy my tickets early today movie was sold out last night about to go hit this morning cardio,0
 bad daydamn you what kind of ticket sale was that,0
 a week not much room for mistakes or owning my own domain or anything actually so i spend a lot of time looking,0
tomorrow is my birthdayy im getting old ,0
 do you know we went to canberra to get firworks and all the firework shops are closed till july ,0
im camera shynot ready to be on a web show which is why im in the gym the stress of the launch has added some xtra junk in my trunk ,0
 u gotta wait till next year ,0
watched the last pushing daisies ep before i had tears in my eyes managed to keep myself from completely bursting into tears though,0
i am off to deflea a little persian kitten who is encrusted with flea pooh poor thing ,0
workingsad about my purse and my electronically devices that were in it i am glad my phone wasn t in it still sad though,0
wiiiii i alredy haven t to clear the garage but i have to return again doing the homework it s so long that afternoon more boring,0
oprahplease say the tabloids are so wrong about you dying ,0
 yeah i know cheers back so how is her majesty the queen i heard about the accident ,0
just woke up and i am still tired after 10 hours sleep ,0
work till noon then home to fix the hole in the floor and paint need to find my wallet too,0
my xbox ,0
i m still tired wtf boo on that,0
is twittering duh i want something to do ,0
didn t get to play golf like i wanted oh well i guess it just wasn t meant to be,0
woo got a superman tshirt however it does not make me flynor shoot lasers from my eyes what a ripoff,0
just home from work 1 2 hours and i m off to work number 2 ,0
 btw tour england next year please cos otherwize i probz cant go and thats not fair ,0
 sorry about your fb thats not cool thankfully its not raining now just overcast,0
i am up and getting ready for another fun filled day at work yay ,0
x web hosting is down just now ,0
welcoming our last rider ,0
 gasp but how can we live without fml ftw i dont reall care about butfml tyler ,0
ayo is it just me or is quoti want revengequot the illest race horse name eversorry boput ya leg homes ,0
wish i could go to brookes brothers tonight and blame tomorrow ,0
playing a little limit cash while i watch my soccer bets get humped ,0
at work then off to my lil s graduation then party until when its miami bia till the sun comes up billy happy birthday babe,0
something was wrong with the new motor not gonna make the points meet tonight ,0
 because i don t really want to go so i want to see if i feel better first,0
rox is really sore and she yelps when she jumps on and off my bed it breaks my heart i dont wanna leave her today ,0
about to do laundry save me,0
 don t leave im going to order to kidnap you until we return,0
 have you had any experience with tweetdeck and linuxmint when i go to download nothing seems to happen ,0
 i m sry i m not there to embarrass you ,0
i wish i had fans haha becoming an actress is one of the hardest things in the world no matter how hard you want it ,0
hic t li sp ht api call r i nh phi tt c i n y i 1 l c,0
headed off in a few to barnes and noble my dog ate my library book and so i now must go replace it ,0
i wish i knew where things were ,0
 i agreei love rob but not overly obsessive or crazy wayhe s human and i respect his need for privacyi feel bad 4 him ,0
2nd of may i hate this day,0
bah hayden gone thinking of watching a movie now as there is no point ipl csk,0
 been sick all day at fui ao hospital fdx ,0
might be doing a designbuild gas stationsweet have a lot more work today before i can get my school work done all work no play ,0
teeny doesn t love me ,0
 it had all my makeup my joe fresh sweater and my uniform but im excited for stars on ice amp jonas if only we had disney,0
 aww mate that s bad newwsss,0
its super cold in jersey ,0
game time i have a headache ,0
i wisssssshhhhhh i was at bamboozlelt3 ,0
 thanks only took me nearly 7 years running a caching biz impacts the caching time ,0
at a glasses store they don t have dolce and gabanna glasses here going to different stores later tho,0
ang hirap mo ireject ,0
working on my job application and online portfolio designing for myself is hard work ,0
 at this point it looks like im going to take a couple of days delete everything wipe the ipod and start over ,0
 same but it won t be until like november ,0
no they didn t radio devon got a little over excited ,0
 ahhhhh you re going to see quest amp beatfreaks i m jealous haha i wish i was goinggggg by the way i miss you okay bye,0
 ahhh i was just there i miss it ,0
went to bed at 5pm and now cannot sleep ,0
season is over st johnstone take a 31 lead bah and humbug i can feel some aclohol coming on later,0
no matter how many times i watch a walk to rememberi cryevery damn time ,0
 no its one of those day where u jus wanna sleep in,0
what a very long nightmy head hurts ,0
 you re working allllll day ,0
dropped the second game we played poor oh well 2nd place isn t so bad tournament next week,0
 yep six of em ,0
my second football team just got relegated cry,0
its saturdayand i have no plans ,0
annie_silly same silly thats y i got tissues and a wet patch on me hoodie holds out hand for a free hug free hugs anyonre ,0
 damn i hate living in brazil there s nothing like this here ,0
 yeah it is and do it ps next weekend you are my dancin in the street drinkin buddy,0
 i ve always wanted to go there ,0
it started to rain ,0
on prod support ,0
 sorry but i think the link is corrupt for the petition ,0
after a nice long morning walk coffee with the neighbours and a great big brunch it s time to clean ,0
 i want a free comic book but my town is so small i d have to drive 45 minutes to get it ,0
 got this error establishing a database connection ,0
i guess that means it s time to wake up ,0
trying to stay awake i hope my mates finish smokeing soon gotta go home to my cold lonely bed ,0
 reg i had a hard time gettin on the site n missd vip so upset but i ll still b there so its all good,0
introduction to econometrics watson and stock pleaseeee help me to find this book ,0
best part of being absent for days is not going to schoolworst partall the catching up to do ayyy klinglers hmwk will be long,0
what glorious weather shame its changing on monday ,0
 no tennis for you ,0
moving is about as fun as sleeping on a shitty futon ha ,0
ants don t like me ,0
 i m sorry to hear you had terrifying dreams last night ,0
oh noooooo only a tie game i m so sad about that ,0
just had my teeth checked now my eyes i m dying for a coffee but can t drink for an hour ,0
i shouldn t have drank that pepsiknow i can t have caffeinefeeling crazy already ,0
ughso many good games on todayhope didn t have to go to work ,0
 i know how you feel ,0
finished new moon and excited for jonas if only she had the disney channel on her tv youtube better come thru for me,0
i feel poor without a camera ,0
 tempted to make some now not sure if i have eggs though ,0
 thankss hunnieeeeeeee bun wish you were out here to celebrate with meeee ,0
wants ice cream ,0
is training amp missing paul s game i m having lazy kids in my next life,0
leaving for bowling busy day jacobs going to prom 2day my babies are all growing up ,0
 again i m no good at this sort of thing ,0
one of my friggin exes so this is goodbye ,0
is back in the bay vegas weather is soooo much better than it is over here ,0
our first night not sleeping home with the kids ,0
my bb mauer returned last nite triumphantly amp i missed it saw the highlts on sc this am though glee can t wait for tonite twins,0
backhaving a blah day hope i get into a better mood soon ,0
i m tired but unfortunately i have to be on the road,0
last day in markham last day at home i m sad but i m ready to take school to school,0
 you should be at bamboozle ,0
 alas the nearest comic book store is 2 hours away by train ,0
i feel better today even tho i didn t win the 242million last night ,0
i will be mia finals week is next week,0
asfuwegharegu hangovers ,0
 yeah i heard last nightthat s sad ,0
 i wish i was going but i m seeing you in chicago a week from today ,0
 no biking today sorry we ll have to schedule another day to do that were we going to see any movies tomorrow,0
uuuggghhhh today is not a good day 4 me ,0
 aww i got hit from the back by this old ass man it cost like 800 to fix so i saved it for down payment for a new car,0
 updating refreshing takes 40 seconds since a few days why,0
hates it when she can t concentrate at all ,0
 urban outfitters isnt in canada sadly and i dont think there is one near the border ,0
crying at pizza hut man i love cutting onions ,0
 all those other cartoons pale in comparison ,0
agreed to see wolverine today before i knew that famke jannsen isn t in it sad face ,0
 how can you hate us ,0
i want to be at citifield with ,0
 it is a very frightening new era of the parenthood lark and not sure i am coping v well ,0
ugh my macbook s drive doesn t read discs anymore ,0
wish i was back in kentucky for the derby ,0
bored as hell proving the restriction the last bloody case of this lemma ,0
 too bad i can t find the download because the comments have intrigued me ,0
how i wish i could be at bamboozle ,0
supposed to be in work but i have really bad stomach pains don t know why s ,0
my sister doesn t know who paul rudd is ,0
back to firefox i guess the cpu destroying and speed failure are necessary tradeoffs for the superior security ,0
 i love macs for their design but im quicker on windows really annoys me when tech goes wrong though i feel your pain ,0
finally homemy aunts dog sophie just got put down cause the cancer spread ,0
free comic book day wish i was in ltown to go visit steve amp trav amp fantasy books n games but alas ,0
 we were playing dundee utd and got beat 12 just a league game nowt at stake except pride,0
getting my precious curls chopped off ,0
somewhat disappointing drive to lot more speed cameras4050mph speed limits on snake pass than i remember ,0
 i wanna twitterpic but im on my phone ,0
 yeah it sucks a lot it s not my weekendmine is thursday and friday ,0
 i want to ban food talkam on a diet ,0
i think i m ready for the long sleep i tried to commit suicide on friday didn t work i m so tired i just want to go now,1
8th grade i m in 8th grade and already contemplating this shit the reason i have been thinking about this is i have anxiety and depression that never seems to go away i can t talk to my parents about it because they have my other two brothers to worry about so the only way to help myself is to hurt them and i don t think i can do that and i m afraid to reach out to a friend cause i feel like we could never have a normal conversation again then there s the fact that i know i m going to grow up to be a man child who at best is a manager of a bar or gas station even though i want to do something with science but even the thought of responsibility scares me i have all fs in my core classes because we just moved and i feel my parents are slowly giving up on me i just can t take this shit anymore,1
trying this to vent dont know what to do anymore first of all i want to say that english isnt my native language so please forgive any mistakes i makei am trying this a sort of last resort in the last 10 years i am almost 21 now i have experienced in those years many beautiful and precious moments but also horrible ones i was bullied in i think extreme ways for 3 years and that fucked me up for a while depression therapy and the like that was the first time i was suicidal and i also thought that was my rock bottom i changed schools and i lost weight and made many friends those 2 years were the best of my life i got a girlfriend that left me after 2 years in really mean way i also made mistakes but the way she left me she deliberately made my life hell made me think about ending it again that brings us to last year i chose a gap year because i didnt know what to study i also applied for a job which i got it s a job for students so the whole ambiance is very social our own pub and partys and the like that job dragged me right out of that depression and i made so many friends months later i met a girl a sister of a colleague haha and she rocked my world of course i have friends to whom i can say everything but she was something else she knows everything about me and i know everything about her the sister is also one of my closest friends i have but m the girl stills lives at her parents and 2 hours away so one day we excited to meet in secret parents were away and we ended up having sex until this day the sister doesnt know it we met a second time and we seriously fell in love but she lives 2 hours away her parents are abusive she is not in a good place too the big sister is in a depression so if she finds out about this well lets say that it wont end well m chose to end things not because of me she was never so in love as with me but because she thinks that the relationship isnt gonna work my reaction to this was drinking and partying everyday im drunk almost every evening i lost my job and thus also the social things with the job because of this and some other shit i simply dont know what to do anymore everything is failing im failing my classes im a burden to my parents and friends also to m because al those people are gonna go to shit because of my pain i cant end myself because i will fuck their lives up but i want it so damn bad every minute not drinking is living hell i am a failure,1
too many things out of my control hithanks for clicking my apologies for venting on the internet i just had no idea where else to go in fact i should be studying for tomorrow s exami am a upperclassman in college who has been suicidal since high school this is likely due to the fact that i suffer from depression yet there are so many impeding factors in my life that are dragging me down by the necka lot of people refer to college as the best time of their lives yet i am completely wasting it every weekend i am by myself in my room wasting time on the internet or doing homework i do not have a social life and i am so socially stunted that i do not know how to build oneacademically i am performing well for the most part unfortunately i managed to get three wds on my transcript because i refused to play the stupid game putting up with classes taught by terrible professors i refused to stay in a place where the professors were of no help i attempted a second stem major along with my current stem major because my school offers a program where i would have gone to an ivy league school for two years after my senior year i gave up on the program during my second semester in it leaving me feeling like a complete failuresleeping is difficult for me recently it has become easier but before it took such an incredibly long time for me to fall asleep at one point i resorted to hitting my head against the wall to make myself sleepyi m undocumented in the usa because of certain circumstances i cannot renew my daca and will begin accruing illegal time when march roles around i lived in this country for 17 years and there is the danger i will be kicked out of my home my parents are undocumented too if they get caught and deported while i m at college which is in a different state there will be no one left at home to take care of little siblings who are american born citizensbecause i am undocumented at a conservative college a lot of students publicly hate immigrants like me though they do not know of my status this impedes against me going out to socialize i can t go to parties because i cannot enjoy the activities without fear of getting caught arrested and deported because i am underageone way to solve my immigrant status would be to get sponsorship i have been interning at a prestigious company for two summers now and have been offered a third internship i was hoping to do well enough at this internship to get hired and later become sponsored but because my daca is expiring i will be unable work in the usa by summertimei am infatuated with an undocumented girl i cannot even attempt to build a romantic relationship with her because marriage is another way to attain a pathway to citizenship i do not want to get married for papers but for love it just sucks that i have to force myself to lose my infatuation with this girl and move one so i can eventually marry an american citizen assuming i can find someone desperate enough to marry memy life is a soap opera cliche turns out i have a halfsibling i found out about this sibling after i started college one parent cheated on the other and they were born it is possible my cheating parent is sending them money to attend the most expensive university in my home country while they study for a fucking communications majortherapy isn t helping i m currently on another type of antidepressants because the last ones failed my counselor constantly tells me about the plethora of positive qualities i possess ranging from intelligence to empathy yet every time i feel an iota of hope or positivity it quickly evaporatesi have this unnatural fear that i will be forgotten when i die this keeps me from trying anything because i keep reverting to the same thought of what s the pointto conclude i am so fucking scared of everything i do not know what my future brings if it will actually bring anything at all i find myself miserable in my home state my college state and i know i will be miserable in my home country if i get deported is there any advice or hope that someone can offer without repeating the same asinine rhetoric that gets tossed around,1
so much built up i don t know where to start i went to my doctor today for a followup from an appointment a week ago these appointments have nothing to do with depression or suicide but the nurse asks questions about it because i have a history twice last year i was out on disability from work while i went through outpatient therapybut when i answered the questions and openly admitted to my current mental state being very shaky it was never brought up again no followup from the doctor at all makes me feel like it really doesn t matteri lost my job in june that i had for 10 years i was blindsided and i was betrayed i have a lot of anger still festering about how things were handled i was unemployed for a month and a half before a temp agency found me a job it was a job below my level of expertise but i was gratefulfor it 4 days in my dad goes to the hospital for an unknown illness three weeks later he died of lung cancer this leads to two things 1 i am missing a ton of time from my new job while my dad is in the hospital and then eventually on hospice at home 2 my dad died and i m his power of attorneypersonal representative so at first i m dealing with medical decisions and then he died and i am dealing with the estate while trying to get a normal work schedule backdid i mention none of my excoworkers from as little as 2 months ago reached out to send condolences fuck them rightit doesn t work out though and they let me go at the end of the temp period so i m jobless again here s the thing they started scheduling interviews for my job while i was working it and telling me that they didn t know anything about the end of my contract just treated me like an idiotthe whole time this is going on i am losing 80 pounds without trying i had digestive issues that started before my first job loss and we are still figuring it outand i m type 2 diabetic nowit s been a shit summer going into a shit fall in depressed i m angry i m anxious i m overwhelmed and i m just needing it to end some way our anotherthat s my story,1
the only things stopping me are my responsibilities it s not for my loved ones hope for the future fear of death fear of pain or anything like thatthere are things i have to accomplish for my families sake and this is my only motivation to not kill myself maybe that s good enough but what happens when that s no longer the case,1
a casual friend of mine attempted suicide recently and doesn t know i know about it i want to send her an encouraging message can anyone give their opinions so this person isn t a close friend i worked with her for a month or so and got on very well actually she s a really sweet awesome kind of person to talk to we ve peripherally kept in touch here and there over the years but not to more than 23 times a year i was completely unaware of what i assume is her serious depressiona few weeks back she jumped off a 5 story building and survivedthe story that her family has put out there is that it was a hit and run i don t want to debate what they should have said btw but this is the situationi don t mind hinting that i know and i m here to talk with her if she needs but i don t just want to drop the bomb that i know tactlessly here s what i ve sketched out so farhey mate so sorry to hear you ve been going through so muchi truly hope you continue down the path of improving and getting all the help you need you re awesome and i m glad you re still around i d like to invite you to a board games night with the mrs and some of our other friends whenever you re feeling up to iti m sorry to say it takes me hearing such terrible news to remind me you re awesome and i d like to catch up with youwishing you all the good feelings in the world and don t hesitate to get in touch if you need to talk to someonewhat do we reckon light enoughedit before someone suggests it i m aware going to see someone is the best way generally but it is not applicable in this case i m not close enough with her for that and i certainly don t want to intrude on her privacy by tracking her down seeing as i don t know which hospital she is even in she has family and her partner with her so she certainly isn t alone,1
i wanna die with a blunt on my lips i wanna die with a blunt on my lips a gun to my head and some blood on my wrists i don t own a gun so imma just smoke a blunt then jump off a bridge fly high land hard die high not sure when though i just don t think i ve got lots of time left though i don t know anymorei always think back to when i was 14 and first tried to kill myself and sometimes i m like i was so stupid for that and times like these i wish i already did it and didn t have to suffer like this over and over this shit never goes away it just eats at me everytime my brain isn t distracted with something else i fucking hate myself and i wish i was dead,1
chronic pain is killing my will to live im chronically ill with debilitating migraines i work to get health insurance that keeps me healthy enough to keep working for health insurance im in pain almost everyday i dont want to wake up anymore i have a wonderful boyfriend and amazing life with him but i cant stop feeling guilty i put him through so much with insurance i still have thousands in medical debt and cant afford to save for anything or pay down my school debt i dont know what to do anymore i dont want to be alive anymore,1
i feel like my time is running out a few months ago i wrote a list of things i wanted to watchplaylistenread before killing myself i ve now done pretty much everything in that list except one thing watch blade runner 2049 come thursday i feel like my time is up i don t really see a reason to carry on anymore i don t want to carry on anymore,1
pontos vs the rope so i m 25 years old and have several health issues for many years now mostly chronic pain rls burning eyes and some other stuff none of which could be cured or even be reduced to an acceptable level yet in addition to that there are some other problems like mouches volantes which really drive me crazy i know that the mentioned things are considered harmless but that s only true for the physical part i m rarely sleeping more than 5 hours and when i wake up the first thing i feel is pain legs eyes everywhere i m also having a slight form of socialphobia it s not that i can t talk to people or instantly panic when there are more than 3 people around me i can manage it pretty well but it still doesn t feel goodall of those things don t exactly make it easy for me to wake up jump out of my bed and scream what a beautiful day so afterall i dropped university this spring cause i couldn t handle it anymore i got some tiny jobs here and there but afterall it wasn t enough and of course i wasn t going anywhere with itso now i got kicked out of my flat because i couldn t pay the bills have no money no place to go and still a few hundred bucks i need to pay well i know a few hundred bucks may not sound much but for me it is a hell of a lotso right now i literally have nothing no health no future no moneythis may sound like a spontaneous reaction but it s not i had suicidal thoughts years ago before i left university but it was not the typical my girlfriend left me i m so sad or whatever stuff i had serious problems for years and had enough time to think about all of that i m not talking about soon i m going to kill myself if i want to maybe but about placing a rope next to me and trying to have the guts to do itprobably the only reason i haven t done it yet are my parents especially my lovely mom but with every day passing i tend more and more to do it anyways because i see no other optioni know that there are people that have very serious problems andor a terrible life and they have my biggest respect if they keep on going but i can t when life becomes a painful struggle every single day without the hope for anything to change it is not worth living in my opinion,1
what happens if i check myself in to a mental health facility i need help my thoughts are getting worse and worse but i don t know what will happen with my wife and kids will my kids be taken away if cps finds out i went to a facility i want to get help but don t want my kids taken away from my wife while i m getting itedit i should clarify my wife and kids aren t in any danger my thoughts only relate to myself i would never hurt my wife or kids,1
they re not just upset with me they re scared of me two of them are scared of how d i d react to what they would say and one of them was hesitant on telling the counselorand this other girl she s afraid that i m some sort of stalker or molester she was thinking about being friends again but i kept messaging her asking to be friends again when she didn t want to talkit was hard accepting that they may not want to be friends again but i thought they realised that i had changed but this i just don t know what to do,1
goodbye everyone i ever trusted has forgotten me no one cares goodbye everyone ill be gone in 6 hours and 35 minutes,1
i don t like people but i hate being alone the suicide hotline has me on hold so i want to post here basically i don t understand why this happens but i hate being with people i hate being alone more so i m always sad to varying degrees i don t like hanging out with people right now cause i gained 25ish lbs in the past 8 months i have binge eating disorder i went from 115 to 138 lbs and it is obvious on my 51 frame i m so embarrassed i can t look people in the eyes anymore not being able to keep my head up from the shame resulted in me losing my competitive job for not being able to perform anymore i couldn t do projects or come up with ideas and i certainly couldn t pitch i lost my soul and now my dream so i work a 95 i hate and every day i keep binging because i have hypoglycemia that my endocrinologist refuses to treat so if i don t eat sugar constantly i ll have a seizure but i can t take the meds cause i don t have it bad enough for thyroid meds cause i m only 22 and they don t give meds to people that young tonight i feel like injust can t do it anymore my friends ditched me today to go to disneyland and it made me feel even worse i don t want to wake up tomorrow and face the world i really feel like i can t wait another day to kill myself,1
life s pointless so 4 weeks ago on wednesday my best freind killed herself we met at the clinic after i d attempted suicide that was 2 and a half years agoat first i was angry at myself then at her and now life just seems pointlessmy therapist said i should reach it to people and get help so here i amsince she died i ve attempted suicide twice and i ve constantly thought about death,1
advice needed i was diagnosed with mdd and for the past month almost all my thoughts have either been self hating or planning talking myself into my suicide my family knows hardly anything about my troubles i am very good at keeping things to myself through years of experience imagine if your 20 year old came and told you i ve been suicidal for almost a decade have more than a dozen attempts and mdd it would be truly heart breaking it would almost come out of nowhere to them sometimes i think the truth may be better hidden i don t think i can live a decent life i am not capable of it i hurt people without realizing it how can i be a good person i think one of the most important things in life is human connections but what if you have trouble making them please someone help i am very much on the edge i would appreciate an older parent s perspective on all of this,1
autismrelated disorder makes me want to die not sure if this is the right place to post i have a disorder related to autism and as a result connecting with or relating to people on the same level as everyone else is basically impossible even saying hi to strangers passing on the sidewalk is terrifying literally part of my diagnosis is that i will always be excessively quiet and have very few friends i can t not let my diagnosis define me as people like to say when my behavior is predestined and incurable every day is filled with humiliation and isolation and though i ve tried for years to fight the coldness and loneliness and isolation that surrounds me tried to fix or accept myself this feeling of meaninglessness never leaves i ve had a history of depression since i was 12 and though it s been lowlevel for many years i doubt it will ever go away by this point given that i m 20 now the only real reason i don t kill myself is so i won t make my mom upset given that she does so much for me already i thought about crashing into an empty car as i was driving home and veered near it not entirely seriously but it would break her heart and cost the other person greatly similarly swallowing a bottle of pills would traumatize the family being in a relationship temporarily made things feel worthwhile but i m not eager to start dating again someone sticking with me as long as my ex did was really unusual literature arts give me a small sense of meaning but it s ephemeral and fleeting a blink of passion and it s over nothing has made living this life truly worth it nothing has given me lasting warmth ,1
i don t want to die i just don t want to work 40 hours i plan to end my life soon just because i can t seem to find a job that i m willing to do for the majority of my life i wouldn t mind working at most places 4 or even 6 hours a day but 8 hours just seems like more than i can handle i think that if i could find a job that payed enough for just 6 hours a day i might be able to keep going but these don t seem to exist,1
my reason for not killing myself is kind of silly most people s reason for not killing themselves is probably because they have kids or a pet and they need to take care of them or their family or friends would miss them but not me my reason is because it would hurt or otherwise be very uncomfortable i know it s dumbyou know what else is dumb i go to a great school have a nice twostory house with a swimming pool in the backyard a laptop a 3ds parents who love me and a friend and boyfriend who are some of the kindest people i ve ever met but i m depressed and suicidali guess i should also tell you why i m suicidal i have aspergers which i absolutely hate i also have really bad adhd both get in the way of life i m also an annoying little crapsicle so i guess that s why i m suicidal,1
i am really not feeling ok i want to talk to someone who has felt similar to me i posted here a while ago but honestly my issues are just getting worse i genuinely genuinely believe i am the ugliest guy i know i cannot bear to even look at myself in the mirror and videospictures are horrifyingi m 24 live with three other guys they all have girls regularly i haven t had sex in 3 yearspeople say subtle things about my looks all the time like i m goofy or look like a cartoon character which seems simple at the time but it crushes my self esteemi don t like going out anymore because i have zero self esteem i spent the last 30 minutes taking videos of myself just to confirm i m ugly the one side of my face is literally deformed and looks ridiculousi had a girlfriend for 2 years 2 years ago and she was incredible and was the only thing that made me happy people told me she was far out of my league all the time she left me of coursei just don t know what to do i wake up every day feeling soooo uncomfortable in my own skin i ve slowly realized over time that i truly am a really ugly person without a doubt to be honest i just don t really want to live anymore other people are always having fun when i m suffering in my own skin feeling uncomfortable i can only do this for so much longer i just don t want to live out the rest of my life i ve been terrified of suicide but as i live each day i grow a little more miserable and one more step closer to finally doing itthere s nothing i can do to fix the way i look this is me i hate myself,1
i m done i m done i can t do this anymore i know that at 15 i m too young to make that decision but i m making that decision i can t continue to live in the world goodbye,1
is it worth killing myself if i m trans i m not going to be fucking trans i spent every day in high school imagining this girl that was me doing the same things i did i m not going to be a disgusting freak for the rest of my life once dysphoria becomes too much i ll probably just end it ,1
my mom is the only person in the world who would care if i died everyone always leaves despite what they say i m always begging for people to care but no one even cares ,1
i just feel like unwanted and useless decoration i just wish i was never born when i think about it there s no one for whom i make life better just the reverse my life hasn t done anything good for anyone i guess all my friends and family members would be better off without someone constantly just causing problems and being one big problem i feel that there s just no place for me in this world and i have really tried looking for it doesn t matter where i m always a misfitthe best i could say about myself is that i m probably pretty but even that i ruined with all my self harm so there s nothing left i feel like unwanted and useless decoration what s it worth to be pretty if you re just a disaster besides thatpeople just always leave me and if they wouldn t my fear and knowing that they will in the end ensures it or at least the important persons the ones i actually really care about my life always just got better to only get even worse afterwards but i see an end soon in the moment i don t even have the strength to properly and seriously consider suicide because even that seems senseless but i ve recently just accepted that this will be my end maybe it will even last some more years but this is how it s gonna end every time something happens i m a bit closer to ending it and there s not much left til i ll finally do it i don t see anything left i could do i can t have any relationships anymore i d like to be a person that could just focus on her career but i m too unconcentrated too distracted too tired too depressed so i m just existing and waitingnot even therapists have been any help even they don t seem able to understand me and all the standard things aren t working on me my current doesn t even want to make the diagnosis because for her it seems like a lot of things but then again not hundred percent one of them so i don t even have some simple words on a paper describing my problem she doesn t seem to care that i d like to know i should better call her the last one because this week i just didn t go for the first time i saw no sense in this and i guess even she is sick of dealing with me everyone just expects me to hold on try out new things blaaa for them it s very easy and they can t understand why i m not full of hope because you re still so youngi m taking two antidepressants and have already tried two before it meditation sports i hate sports everything is useless i just don t know what to do it just hurts to be alive i don t want to be here,1
since i was 9 years old i ve always been having suicidal thoughts and for the past 9 years the only thing stopping me was that s impossible to get a gun in england and i want my last moments to be painless my life s always hurt and just keeps getting worse and worse and i can t bear it anymore i spend my free time while i m not at college researching on suicide methods that i ll be able to do without arousing suspicion beforehand and i m stuck,1
if i found a gun i wouldn t be alive tomorrow i often hope maybe i ll just stumble across a gun on the sidewalk someday i dream of it that s how i want to end it i hate my fucking face and i don t want anyone to ever see it again i just want to blow it to bits a shotgun would be nice i just hate coming home everyday and falling apart breaking into tears because of how shitty my life has always been it isn t worth it it could all be over so quickly if i had a gun maybe i shouldn t be so picky,1
there is absolutely nothing that makes me happy video games and tv are boring people make me nervous i don t enjoy any music i can t commit to exercise eating makes me feel like shit school stresses me out drawing makes me think i m worthless nature is aggravating success stresses me out even more some how i just feel like a walking shell started cutting again just for stimulation i m probably going to continue editing this list with everything that doesn t make me happy,1
what happens when you get caught overdosing or after trying to im curious to know if one could actually get jail time for trying to overdose ive only seen in movies people getting sent to a scary psych ward of pyschotic people is jail time really a thing someone wanting to throw me in jail or send me away like im just weird and have a problem would actually make me want to kill myself even more once i get outwhat i m asking is what is the worst thing that could happen if youre found trying to kill yourself by cops or higher authority ps i m asking from the us ,1
so tired of feeling like shes going to realize that shes out of my league when she does i m done as an aside the number of posts on this part of reddit is depressing i was scrolling for a long time tonight and never hit a post older then 24 hours so many people that want to die i always think that if they had a way to erase myself out of people s minds then i would have done it long ago,1
i have no where else to go i don t even know where to start i thought when i was diagnosed 2 years ago that i would have an answer i thought that i would be able to just take 1 pill and be done with having mental illness now my meds change month to month or even week to week and i ve added medical cannabis although i have all these tools i m still rapid cycling like all the time and i lean towards manic more of the time i ve tried so much hospitalization stronger meds weaker meds cannabis deep breathing guided asmr fucking fidget spinners and i also have chronic physical problems like asthma so now because of all the medication i m the heaviest i ve even been and its not really helping my depression side my manic side is going bonkers tho cause it wants to do it all and now and that overwhelms me to the point where i panic or take a nap because its exhausting my family also forced me to get a part time job which at 21 you think i d be ready for but all my other jobs were in a medical lab and not retail now add all these feelings up and you get me a 21 year old female with bipolar 1 ptsd anxiety disorder borderline tendencies or so my doctor says schizoactive tendencies so i say trichotillomania asthma gi problems and more who is also a full time health care student an actor currently in rehearsals and an employee wow typing it out makes it seem like way more that i thought it was geez but today i was watching old masterchef episodes and i remembered that one contestant was diagnosed similar to me and had killed himself then i thought about how many people with conditions like mine end their lives and it reminded me that a few of my close personal friends were apart of that and it got me thinking that one day i would become apart of that statistic but i don t want to be but i see no other end solution or resolution to my life i m trapped where i am in life and i see it as the end i don t know how to end my life but i know it must be done i feel like this is my conclusion helium pills jump i don t know but i just am done,1
i just want to talk without having the police called on me before you go on to tell me that this doesn t happen frequently it does its happened to me twice and i ve been involuntarily committed to a mental hospital twice the experiences were so traumatic having disgruntled police officers show up at my door being locked in a room with three men twice my size in one generic adults section the caustic attitude of the nurses that i swore to never see another mental health professional againthe smug selfriteous attitude of the people who got me committed i saved your life though sickens me last week i was going to try out online therapy by betterhelp however they completely denied me saying that in person therapy would help me the mosti ll never get help again all i do is lie and suffer alone i d rather be dead than be in a fucking psych ward,1
i ve been fighting my thoughts for two whole years and it s getting increasingly harder to keep going there are very few people i can be myself around and feel safeoutside of those people which i have not many chances to interact with often i m afraid of how people would see me and yet am uncomfortable with how people currently see mei have both anxiety and gender dysphoria going on both find new ways to screw me over and both have been building up over this timei don t know who to talk to about this because i m worried that either i won t be taken seriously about this or that it will be taken too seriously and lead to changes in my life that aren t what i want,1
i think im going to kill myself i m so alone i dont know what to do i just want some love and affection from some one and i can t find it anywhere i just cant build connections with people i think this is it i think im going to do something about it soon i cant handle this anymore i have very little sense of purpose all i want is to be loved if i died no one would care why does no one care about me,1
i want to die but my girlfriend i want to die i want to hang i ve explained myself to my girlfriend not to control her not to get anything out of her just so she knows what i want to do the dilemma is she is in university and is leading a super good life but she said to me that she would kill herself if i did i obviously don t want that at all it s the only thing keeping me back someone give advice she would get over me in time and start the family she speaks of with me with someone else maybe that s me being naive would i be better breaking up with her so she doesn t look at fault i m stuck ,1
someone else i hope someone else kills me because i m too lazy to do it myself and i m almost certain i can t buy a gun i want to move to an area where natural disasters happen too when my mother texts and drives i don t tell her to put the phone down no more point in progressing and even as i type this i push myself closer to suicide i m tired,1
i can t do this anymore i can t maintain any form relationship even when i hangout with people i feel so distant and isolated from them i constantly think about suicide and my motivation to carry on is gone i wake up and cry i m not sure if i will attempt my 4th attempt this week or not i just can t live like a ghost anymore ,1
date is set mind is made i ve had enough of all this negativity that has infected me for as long as i remember i can t take this anymore i ve hurt too many people close to me due to my mental instabilities for years i put people through torment through anguish through pain these are actual words and quotes i get it i ll never change i ve been a broken person since i was born i m selfish i have trouble showing feelings i can t give back for what has been given to me i m nothing i just can t continue on with who i am i completely lost all care in the world i am in so much crippling debt i have an addiction to alcohol now and facing a legal situation i don t want to care about anymore or any of it for the matter because i am planning to die which is my greatest urge it s all i think about now date has been set for oct 9 i really want to be in a place where nothing matters anymore i m donei saw what i needed to see this world is just not something i want to be in anymore ,1
i don t want to kill myself tonight but i m a college freshman and it s been more difficult than i thought i ve made friends who say they care but i can t shake the feeling that i ll meet someone or already have met someone who will end up hurting me or deserting me i ve only known them for a month but they already know about my suicidal ideation i ve been having panic attacks every night and i m sick of it i m terrified that people are annoyed with me or think i m seeking attention because of it i m terrified that they ll eventually just stop caring and they ll leave i m trying to navigate my identity as a polyamorous queer girl but i don t even know how i can do that if i m terrified of even making friends with people i know friends are supposed to be there but i can t keep relying on them for support every single night when i know i ll just weigh them down i can t even pick up the phone to talk to someone i just want to stop being scared and feel secure i just want to feel like someone cares besides my parents i don t want to be alone for four years ,1
it s too hard i can t sleep i can t get any peace i live in a care home with annoying cunts who don t know how to shut the fuck up or switch lights off the staff found a suicide note and knife in my room so my method is gone and am considering jumping off a cliff close to where i live my friends at school and i joke about it but i am serious my psychiatrist offers no help and neither do the staff everything every day just causes more inconvenience and suffering for me i get around 4 hrs of sleep then a 7hr school day i ve been in special schools for half my life and have finally progressed back into mainstream at the cost of not living with my family ,1
quick suicide methods i ve been in pain too long,1
should i say goodbye i think you should tell people how you feel i think suicide is a permanent option that most of the time results out of a temporary issue you re going to die that s true and i m in no position to judge how that happens but to do it by your own hand is taking fate and whatever else we take for granted away you re consciously taking away tomorrow and tomorrow all your problems could just go awayyou also write about saying goodbye which makes me believe you obviously have people that care about you and in turn you must care about them do you really never want to see your friends family or whoever again do you really not want them to witness your success and your future do not be irrational about this death is the thing you have to be most rational about it s cliche but the evidence tells us you only live briefly in this tiny gap of life between two infinite voids of darkness this could be it buddy and you re going to end it early if you truly believe this and think this way and you re utterly convinced and you think it is the only possible solution bearing in mind people with terminal illnesses and life sentences often decide again it then you ve got to at least talk to someone someone you care about about what you re going through and why it s only fair to the ones you lovepersonally i d say life is a lot more profitable than death because you re here and it s now death will come just wait that s all you have to do from damning the ones you love to a lifetime of sadness and regret it s also good for you because meditating on this fact means you ll realise that you re not tied down to anything problems are only ephemeral you can tackle themi hope you talk to someone death doesn t hold an answer it is only an inevitability,1
dealing with suicidal thoughts alone i have 0 friends and i m not exaggerating one bit when i say that i m going through a bunch of shit now have been for a month and its hit its peak i have stress response syndrome so i cannot cope with anything at all first off on my list of things i m only 19 have agoraphobia and severe anxiety so i can t get a job or go out whatsoever i barely managed to graduate high school i have a abusive household that i can t escape cause my agoraphobia and i m attached i recently found out a good friend of mine has been manipulating me so i cut them off a few weeks ago then i had to cut my bestfriend off because they didn t wanna be friends cause my struggles are too much for them it does t help that they were always hanging out with my ex that i still haven t gotten over so really it s good i d like to think all the people who have been causing me grief are essentially gone but now i m alone and fighting to breath by myself i m scared and i don t want to be miserable forever i have a doctors appointment in 2 weeks and i don t know how i ll make it sorry this post is a mess i really need to make friends but its so hard for me,1
i can never have a good day i m abused at home the online friends i manage to make just bring me bad drama and hurt me failed attempts of social interactions at school ex friends that glance at me in the hallways and my anxiety that makes me look pathetic for a senior in high school honestly the only thing not making me pull the trigger is my yes online again because i m pathetic like that boyfriendi m tied between wishing i was never born and wishing i never met my boyfriend i love him but i just feel completely worthless i stay at home every chance i get he s the opposite i m a fucking loser that s just going to drag him down i don t even want to go to my graduation ceremony i fucking hate my school and everyone in it i want nothing else to do with this place everyone is fake causes drama just because they can has no regard for anyone else s feelings it s a society of morally low minded kids and i want to forget everyone there i want to start fresh after that,1
which is the easiest way to die i am not sure if this is the right place i ve read this subreddit for years and never commented once there have been stories that made me hopeful and i carried on now i m unable to cope with life i need this to end i m sorry ,1
why do treat you like shit when trying to commit suicide edit i meant to say why do people i understand that most humans are angered at the idea of someone close decided to take their life away but when you re aware of how much joy you give to those by helping them out with their problems and ask for no reciprocation you can t stop but to ask yourself why the fuck are they treating me like shit i ve been institutionalize for suicide as a teen because my significant other preformed fellatio to a friend in front of me but ive never tried again ever since i have a ton of friends and i always put a smile upon them and it makes me happy it truly does but i m depressed and sometimes can t stop to think to dissappear no one s really reached out to me except one girlfriend but she overdosed on heroin so she s out of the picture i have a gf now but every time i tell her about something she has little to say or doesn t know what to say she makes me laugh and all but doesn t get me truly i do think about suicide from time to time but if i were to attempt again and fail i m sure i would get so much hate im not asking for help i just wanted to vent,1
cliff or train which one would you choose i can get to a cliff which is a 200 foot drop train station where high speed trains go through every morning,1
i feel no emotions have i accepted this as the end my wife and kids are gone it s my fault and i m feeling sick physically and mentally my brain is against me my family is against me the world is against me rip me from this soon i want it to stop,1
i m feeling suicidal again i really need advice for the past month i ve been staying with my partner and i just got back home today we ve been together for over two years now and we re long distance we visit each other three times a year or so but it never feels like enoughi ve been struggling with chronic suicidality for almost as long as i ve known my partner when we re together i rarely even get depressed but now i m back home and i ve been home for less than 12 hours and i feel suicidal again already i spoke with my partner about moving in with him but he s in the us and i m in canada and the only way for us to legally move in with each other is for us to get married which is something he says he s not comfortable with and he doesn t think he ever will be he doesn t want to break up and wants us to be together but he says that maybe we might have to just be long distance because he doesn t think he ll ever be okay getting married i don t want to get too into it because i really feel like i need help quickly and don t feel like i have much time i don t see a point in living if we re going to be apart like this forever there s so much i ll miss out on and i get so depressed being here i don t see a way out i feel very urgently like i want to kill myself please help me somehow ,1
i hate my life no support i ve lost everything except the job i m bullied at every fuckin day kill me why not give it a third try i m just a piece of shit anyway hello will you be willing to tell me more,1
i want to die but i don t someone help i have depression there are days when i don t want to get out of bed or i can t stop crying because what s the point in trying right i don t intend on killing myself although to be honest i ve found myself thinking more and more about how much easier it would be than my life right now to give you some background my year started okay going to college to follow my dream it wasn t great i failed the class pretty badly but i wasn t really trying that hard so i ended up dropping out of the course with the idea that i would try again and excel my boyfriend was an amazing person through all of this he was always there to give me advice comfort me when i cried give me an escape when my house was too much this summer i had two classes but had to drop one of them because my teacher would accommodate for my special needs which isn t that much i think extra time on tests and assignments and no presenting in front of the class the second class i barely passed but only because my teacher didn t want the whole class to fail then i started taketwo of the class earlier this year it started okay a lot of work and not enough time but i managed to survive but then on the second week or so i got drugged at a party and stuff happened with four people but i don t remember most of it or who knew about my mental state after that i missed two classes because of doctor s appointments and trying to deal with related things after i told my boyfriend he was afraid to let me out of his sight for almost a week but i didn t mind it felt safe and i wanted that i kept trying to do well in class but it was hard with so many distractions and i didn t feel well because of the medication i went on for what had happened at the party my boyfriend has also been in school but his grades have been slipping i want to tell myself that it s not my fault he s so distracted now but i just can t find it in myself to believe it then within the last three weeks my best friends tried to hang himself unsuccessful my boyfriend is becoming increasingly depressed saying he wants me to give up on him and constantly mentioning killing himself and i m constantly thinking about how much easier it would be for me to just stop existing and trying and putting so much effort into making things better only to have them get worse now to make things better i just got my grades back for the first section of the semester and i did even worse than last semester and this time i tried to do better both of my teachers think i m suicidal and notified the school about it my parents made me start mood stabilizer meds to try to help even though i didn t want them but i didn t get a choice i feel like no matter how hard i try i can t help anyone else with their problems i know i need to try to fix myself but i have no fucking clue how and the only person i have to talk to only listens to my bullshit because i pay her to therapist i feel completely lost everything i do ends up making things worse i can t help anyone because i m too broken i can t help myself because i don t know how the only good thing i feel in my life right now is my boyfriend but his talk about killing himself don t sound much like idle threats the kind like if i wasn t there for him i don t think he d be around much longer and they scare the hell out of me i m so tired i m tired of pretending i m okay because i m really not i m tired of people caring all of the sudden now that i ve stopped pretending i m tired of feeling like i don t have a voice or a choice i m tired of feeling unloved i m tired of life,1
this may possibly be the final straw now before we start i am getting help i m slightly suicidal so that s why i m posting here my girlfriend of 1 month but that s besides the point broke up with me yesterday because i m cold and mean and possessive she said i m not healthy for her and i understand why she s a lot like me in many ways depressed has anxiety worse than me in most ways and likes a lot of the things i like even though it s a short relationship i felt a deep deeep attachment to her i would say i m in love with her she even had the same feelings but i fucked up i kept making jokes saying i m gonna kill myself and kept doing it even when she clearly didn t like it i wasn t doing it for the attention really it was a way for me to cope i guess i also kept poking fun at her for when she accidentally called me one of her friends names i d pretend to be upset whenever she would say she thought someone else was cuteeven when i could tell she wasn t serious she loved me as much as i loved her i still think she does too the day before we were cuddling and saying we love each other every 5 minutes this wasn t really like her at all during class today i kept catching her glancing at me from time to time i m going to give her space for a few days then try to talk to her in person if this fails i think i m done with life you can say what you want about it being really short of a relationship or how i m young and i ll get over it i m 18 but i really don t think i will i don t want anyone else but her i fucking love her with all of my strength heart the passion of a million suns whatever if she says no i ll respect that but i will probably be done with life ,1
hi is anyone on i dont really want to bother anyone but i just really need to talk to someone my friends are asleep and i doubt they even want to listen to me so i thought why not try and talk to a stranger so is anyone up and on,1
long i m sorry i called the national suicide prevention helpline twice and i feel even worse hello all i would like to share my experience with the national suicide prevention helpline and get some input on both that and the original reasons i called in but first a little about me i am a 27 year old collegeeducated female from a middleclass background i have a pretty typical story physically and emotionally abusive dad and a mom that stood by and watched all of her emotional baggage was dumped on me from the beginning from the times he would cheat to her bankruptcy she came to me to vent all of it every time i have looked out for her from the beginning always putting her above myself since she had it so much harder even getting between her and dad or her and my brother when verbal fights escalated i became a drug addict at the age of 21 opiates of course and have been battling that too anyhow she spent her entire retirement money on a house near the beach to get away from dad and took my heroinaddicted brother and his wife with her instead of me because they don t like me even though i helped her find the house and it s her house she s always said i was her favorite and her best friend although i don t believe you should be friends with your children she comes back to visit more often than not which is good because i don t really leave the house not even if i m hungry as for the rest of it very quickly last year everyone died and two years before that i made a plan that i have since perfected about killing myself overdose when my mom dies she has an endstage disease due to addiction as i couldn t bear to hurt someone as badly as the loss of a child would hurt a mother the event that set this whole thing off was her telling me she would be home one day then changing it to two days later then changing it yet again i had a sort of epiphany where i realized my entire life she has told everyone only what she thought they wanted to hear or what would keep a fuss down this included me i then realized that i was staying alive for someone who i m not entirely sure really cares all that much about me there s much more but that s the gist of it as for the helpline i know that they can only talk for a certain amount of time and both phone calls lasted less than 5 minutes i told them i was 27 my mom had lied to me one too many times and i have had a planned suicide for three years now one said why can t you be happy that she s happy at the beach while the other said what were you calling about again and as i repeated myself was cut off and told that they re open 247 both of them made me feel like it was my fault and i was being selfish i think mostly because they weren t listening i m obviously not upset that she s happy i m upset that she lies just to make things easier for herself when she alone well along now with all you good people knows how fragile i am i m not going to make this post any longer if you have any questions please post them and i will answer as soon as possible thank you for reading my postupdate hello all i appreciate each and every one of your replies it seems like those helplines aren t very helpful to some who may just be those most in need unfortunately that s how it goes someone asked why i don t leave the house often and that s because i have severe depression and panic attacks and in spite of many different medications and combinations along with therapy none of it seemed to work in the decade between my diagnoses and when i lost my health insurance last year so ers are out of the question i m glad i guess that others have been through similar events and grateful they could keep me company during a time of need just a simple reply means so much during stressful situations so to all those lurking you never know how much you might help someone with one minute of your time thank you,1
i need someone to talk to ive been having a shitty week and as a senior in high school im wanting to commit suicide,1
i hate my life but i realize i can t end it i have an extremely good life compared to mostly everyone else i get minimal amounts of school i get to be on the computer the whole day i can afford a vps and domain etcyet everything is so boring i spend my days either programming my next stupid unoriginal copycat application or browse reddit even the forth day of school i failed to attend to because it s so repetetivementioning school gets me immediately angry less so in text form there is nothing useful to me about how to calculate different aspects of triangles and if i ever need to do that i will google i know what i need to and i don t want to fill my already whimsy head with useless piece of shit i will never manage to forgetthere is barely anything i remember about my life other that times i have been stupid or stupid seriously i was and am that weird kid in school doing my weird things crying after a break in winter because when i came back indoors my cheeks are rosey and it s not what i m used toi have intense asperger s read one thing about asperger s and sure enough that s me right there i m my father and mother s son i secretly think i m clever but i try to stop i m very rarely uncontrollably mad but it has happened i m my father s son i cry over little things because i m my mother s sonevery person has a bunch properties they group together creating categories the biggest category in me is the logical side when i m out in social i try not to smile at a joke that isn t even funny or showing i m present at all i want to be alone but i can t because the second biggest category in me is the normal category i m the awkward mixture of a distant irritated person and a social person while being extremely bad at itso it s no wonder i want to die my life is useless boring awkward and my past is even more so but i can tshit i haven t even ever gotten unconsious except for when i m sleeping i live in sweden and there are very few things i could use to end my life and there is nothing that meet all requirements i need i don t have enough control over my own body i don t want anybody to live with some guilt of killing meat this point i m even considering doing something that won t get me killed but hopefully ruin my life so much it opens up a new different course for it if only i could get amnesia or something because that would be the seond best alternative after death,1
diagnosed with glaucoma as if the banshee shrieking tinnitus wasn t enough as for the tinnitus nothing helps i tried that reddit method but it doesn t work i am 5 more cries from a bath with a razor and some aspirin what the fuck is left for me god fucking fuck fucking fuck fuck fuck i m going to lose my eyes all i ve ever wanted was to go to medical school to become a surgeon and all of that is ruined by something i have no control over no one in my who fucking family has glaucoma the doctors have no fucking idea how it happened i m an anomaly everything is ruined post script i also have two ingrown hairs that have gotten infected and i don t even shave down there in the first place also i m a faggot with a creationistneo conservative father that wants me to die there off my chest,1
soon i have no idea when or how it will happen i only know it willi hope it s soon,1
suicidal i want to kill myself,1
apparently i m weird and obsessive now my friend said that the lengths i m going to in order to win my ex back has become weird and borderline obsessive i m not going to apologise for being in love with her still i swear that the moment i start to wonder if i can feel any lower i start feeling lower i can t do right for doing wrong i m fucking hurting so much and i just don t know what to do ,1
my diary log as of so far okay my first time writing this i know i will sound like some emo whiny attention whore bitch but i need to talk about this personally since nobody really cares or can really help or really gives to fucks or stereotypes mefirst off i wish i could stop looking down on myself i can t do it because i m always left behind i can t stand to see others treat me different i m treated as if i m not like everyone else and it s been like that since i was young and it reminds me of those times making me feel empty and unwanted i ve tried so hard to grow up with at least a good image on myself yet i still can not grow to find my own meaning i try to make others laugh it s my root of my own happiness i try so hard to bring you and others joy yet the flame slowly dies and i can feel it but i hold on because i feel something special something wanted i feel like as if we need eachother as if we are meant to be and i m sorry if i am a dissapointment to you or came out different then you expected when i say you ve changed me and you are you are i m being honest but i can t help looking down on myself and seeing you treat others as if they re better sometimes gives me old childhood memories being the different kid the one who wasn t really wantedi would talk more but i m usually ignoredalso you i need to talk about you with the name with the b in it you don t realise how much you hurt my daily life i am now afraid to even go to school since i am looked down upon now due to your stereotypes for me although it may seem funny to you it s not to me because i have to deal with it everyday wishing i was someone different you re treating me as if i am not human which is now making me think this and nobody even knows how i feel not online not in real life because i ll be looked at differently it s already stained i can t help who i am but i know that it s possible to get to your own happinesses whether it s throwing chairs at me publicly humiltating me and even punching me hitting me breaking my things i feel happy because you re getting your own satisfactory even if i sit and i cry nobody cares to take up for me and that s how it s always going to be i ve come home broken in tears over what you ve done to me due to who i am i hurt myself and i hide it because nobody needs to have a lower opinion on myself since you re so high up there with your popularity i ve had family fights over you and it s made me paranoid to even leave my house to see you and i don t wanna go back to school to see you or others either i look down the hallway with my head down wishing nobody would look at me i hate who i am and who i ve become and i ve tried finding light in the lives of others it s slowly working i hope i can see a dim light i hope i can make it even if you stand in the way it s fine you are getting what you need you are bigger and stronger i m smaller and less cared about i have lots of reasons to be hurt for who i am i remember what it was like being hit i remember being in panic tearing up at my table and you running off laughing with your group at me and it became everyday stealing my stuff everything i didn t care i couldn t do anything i ve tried to sit with others and ask for help but you ve made me feel like i can t i ve cried and i ve died on the inside i ve tried to stand up but i m so horrible at being mean i ve lost my anger it s just faded into selfdeprivating sadness you ll never know my life outside of your jokes that affect me you ll see it as a gag to hurt the gay boy because i m always alone and have nobody it is funny it is i ve come to laugh at myself too even if i am scared of seeing you and others i know they won t help they will not help i m not to be dwelled on i remember you coming to my locker and pushing me and hitting me in the back of my head smacking my phone and getting close to me and having others stare at me as if i was a monster i ran to class crying but i had covered it up i d rather let nobody know i ve tried no outcome i ve failed as a person as a partner as a son i m truly sorrysightray i know you hate me i know i m against what you think about me but i ve come to agreeance with it even though i did nothing to you i feel like i deserve what i get from you all of the abuse the drama i deserve it even all those plans to ruin my life and kill me they were worth it i know you and your friends plan things behind my back if you want to hurt me you can you have already so why not do it again you ve pressured suicide on me and i ve tried more than twice which i know makes you truly happy to see the only person who loved you die or at least want to i m glad i can bring you the happiness you ve always wanted everyone s come to believe your rumours and i retchedly have a dark feeling for you in my heart although it s all selfbased it s my mistake to end up like this and i ve tried to fix it but your fucking selfishness ruins itto all my old friends who have left mei m sorry i ve annoyed the living shit out of you i know who i am and i know i can t help it i m not worth any of those tears you cried either if any of you did i m sorry i ve pulled this image onto myself i m not sure what i ve done yet i ve assumed and i think i m right the feelings i ve harboured were like no others with friendship putting so much in trying hard at least an effort and i get turned down treated as if i was never born or existed all of those things i ve done have ended up in ash and worthless i can t help going out and getting a memory of you or one of you it hurts me and i try to find you guys again to talk i miss you you don t miss me though i can see why you ve found better people i m replaceable and i can see it happening with many people replaced by those who hate mefrom now on i will continue my life still putting my feelings underground i ve lived up to my stereotpye anyways trying to help myself i try to ignore the pain inside and one by one part of me slowly feels distant and the smile and emotions i ve harboured are fake i can t let you know the way i feel i don t need any of your sympathy the vicious words are slowly killing me i try so hard to bring empathy and joy while hiding behind the lie that has become who i am i just can t sleep that one of you is gone and i m afraid of losing others the wounds you ve left never heal i know you won t change you ve got the same look on your face things will never be the same b i feel your pain you hurt me but i won t ever object as like a fool i will smile through the tears your own personal lovable fool time fades away like yesterday the thing i hate the most is something i can t do i can t ignore him i try to once more my voice might be able to even reach the future already collapsing your voice has surely reached me making the ignored one me the selfish one me the number one thing i hate is how i can t do anything how much of a coward i am how i give up and how selfish i am even if there is no meaning even if i understand it s not easy to admit bonds washed away by carless whitewash even when i want to live in the world there s not any kindness i hide behind the feelings of fear sinking into hope and despair who do i turn to i offer to you not knowing anything at all i continue still to walk the earth no matter how many times done comes and goes recyled though the world isn t asking for anything it s beauty harassess me making me wish i was kinder in the morning it s okay to pretend to be happy because i want to be satisfiedi want to share my feelings and i had made it into a shape yet it s been broken many times over my own faultiness and i am able to repair my own mistakes if if you had the ears that i posess i d sing you a song or at least try to straight from my heart and if you had posessed the same heart as i do then i would flood you with all the love i have but would you even feel if you are predisposed to hate me please kill me now and end the misery bi can t gain anything at allyou don t need me at all evri don t need to reach your deafened ears or to fill your heart a dissapointment i was said to be but where am i in the distant future anyways i carried away alone wherever i run wherever i hide i am laughed at i don t dare to even look back new day 2so my nickname has been changed i m no longer something sweet just my regular name although you said that it was to prevent people mixing us up i ve noticed that it doesn t happen a lot and despite me changing it back you put it back sometimes i feel like you do it to attract other people to you so then you can say i don t have a partner but then again it s probably me overthinking i hope it s the opposite of what i m thinking i really love youday two continuedokay so what i had expected just happened i m fine to see you go i know it makes you happy even if it hurts me this explains a lot i ve given into your life and i was blinded by your love and not having any really true feelings i ve done a lot and not noticed i mean i m fine to see you go it s happened so many times it s just become something regular in my life i do feel sad and i feel remorse but your voice has surely reached me i know life will get harder it will worse things will happen but this will build up and i will keep everything special we had together even if it didn t work out although i was blinded thinking it was letting my anxieties and fears and bring people and i love down selfishly i will live oncass today at 721 pm dude you re crazy no offense i thought iwas paranoia but today at 721 pm i knowi love youalthough you dont love me its always going to be like this i shouldve listened to my headand all of the times i ve wrote about you to strangers asking for opinions saying that you truly loved me i can t trust anyone at all why me why meit has to be me i m so close to the edge i ve been filled with lies i remember when there used to be colors all over and i could wake up and barely open my eyes having a simple mind feeling so euphoric not knowing what later lurks in my lifetime wanting to stay in this moment always now my days are fading every time i blink foreseeing images flashing in my head violent voices wanting me dead opened eyes start to burn now the sun is just too much and when i close them the darkness engulfs me what s going on it s getting hard to breathe i m torn openi m on my knees asking you to stay and not to leave please don t go please don t goupdatehey apparently this text document is the only one that can handle meevery day is getting worse nobody is talking to me and yet now i ve noticed i m losing others i m crying right now wishing i could end all of my sadness and anxieties i ve realized how lonely i am i hate myself so much i can t help who i am i wish i could fully change who i am i want to restart i need to it s been so long without someone really i dont really have friends they re all out with other people i understand why nobody really cares to save me from my self hatesince you have left me things got worse i have been hurt more and i want to find a heroyet i have seen things i do not want to things i have done i don t want to that i will only tell myself yet you come backa sking for much yet you don t even feel the sameyou tell me you hope this and hope that later telling me different saying i am doing this and that calling me this and that making me feel uselessthe stroke of heat across my body with anxiety and self conciousness overwhelmes meeven the thought of me being nice to you and me saying i m assuming things when i am not hurtsi am not assuming i want an answer and i feel like it s true i make myself believe it you don t understand i am hurt by your changing feelingsbeaten robbed threatened while you were gone _ _ _ _ __ _ i don t love you anymore since when now just now i don t want to liecan t tell the truth so it s over it doesn t matter i love you none of it matters too late i don t love you anymore goodbyeyes i would have loved you forever now please go show me where is this love i i can t see it i can t touch it i can t feel it i can hear it i can hear some words but i can t do anything with your easy words whatever you say is too late please don t do this donenow that i look back counseling never really did help it helped me be someone else regretting my own past i ve become more weary and open to my own feelings and sadness past being within a sociopath s manner i care too much it s the problem having my own crisis looking for my own future and i can t even find it or the paths i feel like as if it s blocking me meant to be this way i can t find anything i m not suited to be my own self anymore i want to make it i can t everythings holding me down i feel like making a animatic based on my feelings yet realizing not even having talent no matter how hard effort is put into it we need to talk i know what that means never good at all you know thati hate the fact that you treat me like i m one of yours then you turn around and hit me and the ones you love and scream at me like it s my fault i am the way i am and what happens to meplease dont push me out of your group because im not the same i am willing do do anything to be part of you and all of you even if i have to do something thats already happeningim willing to hurt myself to make others happy because im not happy with myselfi can t be fixedrecent update i think i found him he s amazing in completely every way he understand fully who i am although he may have his own flaws he is perfect to mei can t ever thank him so much every day is getting better im not hurting anymore yet i do still hurt it s not as bad as before am i feeling true love is this what i was meant to feel is this who i really am if so i am proud of myself for becoming myself with the help of someone who really likes me for who i am he isn t blinded by my problems he knows fully it drags me to tears to know he understands i love him so much i hope i can see him one day and cry within his arms i think i have found my one and only gate to my own eutopiai love him i can t say it enough these tears won t stop as i put my love into this note he means everything to me although the days we spend get better and better if i m down i always remember what he tells me it s like magicwill not let my own circumstances firghten me no tortures looking upon the apperances will be the path of enternal euphoriai ve come to realization that it s okay if the only thing i did today was just breathe and siti have to remind myself that what i do is unique and although it will be hated and looked down upon hopefully pride will be found within my own actions soon enoughmy story isn t over yeti can shine brighter than the dark that has ever came across me like the night transforming into my own sun for me for others one of the heardest things to ever learn was that i was worth recovering and i m doing it finallyi wish i could show you when you are lonely or when you are in darkness the beautiful light of your own being telling myself being able to is couragenot being created to be guilty or in defeat i am created to be in victoryrecent update i still hurt but i ve become immune i ve found happiness and i hope it lasts i ve mostly found it through one person at first but it s reached out to many people i hope it stays like this gradually better everyday getting close to even leaving this shithole i m proud of myself for being this strong and finding someone who actually gives two shits about me and understands i m glad i have friends i am glad i am cared about i am who i am and when i hurt it s not as bad anymore it s not as if a knife is hurting me just more as of a soft punch i have to thank you so much for making me this way and i will do all i can do defend you in your honor and within my own love because you re the exact same we are the exact same love each other 3okay i know my love is going through a bad time i love him so much and even when he s drunk he tells me the straight truth that s a real man lately i ve been i have been giving out this diary i am quite happy i am getting better im happy i can leave soon i love the feeling of being independent i hated when my dad hit my mom at before ipc it was so embarassing i feel bad for my best friend cuz i hide things from everybody but they kinda know the truth now i love them a lot for a friend maybe they re my only true one he means more to anything to me qanything beautiful people want to break and i am afraid you are beautiful stay strong 3i m so thankful for this fandomi have found myself and people who love me without it i don t know where i would be so many friends so many smiles so many good times i love this fandomsigh i love him yet he s slightly hurting me he ignroes me i dont even exist anymore where is love i can t feel it see or touch iti can t take your sympathy anymore you don t even try you d rather have others you hurt me but you dont even know i don t complainlike a fool i smile through the tears with a fake mask i thought you were the one i wished upon a star for you the day before i met you why mefeeling more suicidal than beforeif only i could love you enough to give you what you need if only i could be for you the hand that feeds youif only i could make you believe you deserve everythingyou re angry di know you areyou mostly are all the time and i know i am part of it i tell you i m sad you get pissedthen you throw fits around the house cursing and throwing stuff breaking objects breaking feelings day by day being ignored grows stronger my love doesn t even talk to me anymore d ignores me i look outside and i think nobody is there for mei m stuck and i m tired of being hereyou don t need people they say how can i not need someone when i can t even make myself happy i can t share anything with anybody why can t i lovei just wanna say thanks for what you did yknow getting into drug problems and shit then blame it all on me get pissed when i try to helpyknow as if i dont care smoking 8 times a daydropped out of high school blames it on me i cant get into collegeor i cant get a jobhit her hit meyell at me i know youre stressed please dont take it out on us you dont know half of the other half of the story i can t wait to get out feeling coldthis room is hot from your smokei dont know why you act like such an ass when you smokeyou hurt me make me cry then get pissed off for me cryingyou just dont know me despite living with me for 17 yearsyou dont know who i ami push and push yet you tell me straight youre perfectionist your vicious lies kill meim sorry im not perfectim sorry im not the sporty beautiful attractive boy that you wantedim sorry i cant be one of your owni hope i can get away soon 3 more years maybe 1 and a half about 1 an 9 months i dont know im just donemy heart is slowly collapsingnew update 82217i m not proud of myself for what i ve started to do i ve gotten more into drama by accident and ive given into things i shouldn t i ve started drinking and it s made me feel so much more happier yet i still feel so badmy friends had found out about it and are really pissed off at me i m losing everyone due to my own self again i can t help it and i get the urge to drink now and then i want to push more maybe i don t know i m scared but i want something to alter everything to make it seem as its my own paradise school sucks i ve been failing more i don t feel like i fit in nothing s working out i was told i wouldn t graduate j and a are in some tough times getting mcs all raveled up in fights tearing all of us apart and im stuck in the middle since i dont take sides but i hide all my emotions none of them believe mei feel as if i am living my youth in grey not being livelyi m jealous of those who live life in the moment without having to worry about consequncesmy friends are just leaving one by one from lots of reasons stemming from others and at least a small percent from my shitty personalityi ve thought about self harming again but differentnew updateseptember 1stso you are severly disappointed in me i thought you d be supportive you said i can tell you anything and i came out instead all you did was be pissed and not agree with me and acting like im not one of youi ll put you in therapy again i ll put you on medicine that hurts me a lot i want to be myself i can t live on without having acceptance without my life being controlled i thought you guys would love me no matter what honestly i m not proud of who i am i get asked you proud to be gay i tell themthey get suprised it s because i ve faced so much to not be proud of i m different and thats badi d like to believe i m not i haven t seen proof so i don t debate it anymore it s like spending my life over and over thinking something will change it s absurdi don t want to be alonethe painful truth is even when people say they support something but don t support you that hurts it s hypocritical hypocrisy is a crime i just want to love and to be loved instead i just bottle up everythingone day they ll all forget about mei m a sack of shit and everybody knows iti m the earth s sack of shitmostly just want this to be over with even though my life is controlled by you and i ll never be an adult i ll never see the light through this topic of me being myself at least fully september 2ndthis day was even worse my dad ignored me not even a word was supposed to have my only friend over i had to tell her not to come over due to my dad going offturns out i m 100 sure he is disappointed in me with his smart ass sarcasmthrowing shit at me making me feel degraded i loved you and all you had to do was hurt me can i even call you my dadyou break things including my own hearttoday i was nothing to you just like every weekit s even worse all that you care about is the mind altering things you doi hate it how everytime i get sad like this things seem to get better and i regret typing or saying bad things about him then it repeats i need to stop thisi know the truth about my father he s hiding a lothe hides behind his happy maskmost of the times hes happy hes just pissed and ready to attack i m scared i m scared of the ones who love mei love how you justgot mad on my birthday ignored meim not important anymore to youyour outburts happen so many times im tired of assuming or thinking about itupdate you sped offand im alone i think its time i show myself its my fault nowand it ll be over the feelings i have i m not ending it i m just punishing myself for now9202017 i ve been feeling a bit better but then again another thing i did and i tripped and i fell into another spiral of darkness but when i got everything figured out i hurt another person by accident and i made them lose hope and all trust in me ghosting me completely and not even noticing i exist im such a fucking asshole for my self harm habits and venting _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 9272017 the festival is in town i have a crush i lovei somehow can not get the balls to talk to him i have in person and i ve told him a lot but i think he doesn t like me anymore it s been about 2 days and he hasn t even opened my messages yet he looked at my story i don t know if he wants to talk anymore and we got so close i heard he likes me back as welli feel so unloved and unwanted to i remember the ones i love there were fighting and people were divided i had gotten called out a couple times and that and i was ignored that and i am getting stared at because of my shitty social anxietyi started cutting again this time its worse i cut deeper and i m scaredit s okay though the adreneline is enough to keep me happy i feel nothing without themi don t know what to doi feel so alone even when i m crying in front of thousands of people nobody will ever notice what s wrongmy grades went down and i feel like a dissapointment i heard the guy i like likes me but he won t speak to me anymore i hope for the best honestlysigh i ve been feeling quite suicidal but i m too scared to do anything but the more i cut the better i feeli m sorry,1
life isn t worth the suffering wageslaving depression anxiety ptsd i just want to die if there is a god somewhere just kill me now,1
still not happy so i got a part time job but is actually a full time job back doing hair while i m in school i wasam happy to be back working and thought it would be good for me while i m in school while i m making great tips and decent money in still not happy and think about suicide just as much if not more i feel like nothing in life is going to make me feel like i m doing something productive with my time i feel like i want to end it before the semester is up but i know i won t so i ll just keep staying suicidal and do nothing about it ,1
wish i could cease to exist here is an in depth article on my personal experience of depression and anxiety and how it came to be tldr i started with panic attacks due to phobia of vomiting it escalated to general anxiety and ocd then had my son which caused postnatal depression on top of the other mental health issuesi feel like recently it is one bad thing after another and i can t seem to pick myself up i made the decision to hand over primary care of my son to my mum come january so he could attend nursery and be a little more normal but my friends have expressed great distaste for this and think it best he remains under my carei have had three mental break downs in as many weeks and considered suicide but have always stopped myself because i can t imagine someone having to explain to my three year old why he would never see me again this breaks my heart to write but i just want him to be happy and i can t help but feel i will some how mess him upi just feel like i m not enough for him i barely get by and because of my anxiety and depression i don t have great prospects for work i d like to work from home but i don t have any talents that stand out or i can afford to work on every time i speak with friends or my mum it comes across as though i ll somehow be cured and things will go back to normal but i can t see myself ever being normal again i can t imagine not living in fear of germsi wasn t ready to be a mum i love my little boy but he deserves a good life which i can t see me being able to provide,1
i just lost my job at wendy s i just got fired from wendy s after working there for nearly 2 years i got fired because my pants kept falling and i didn t bother to buy a new belt or tighter pants because i thought it was a nonissue this is my first time getting fired before what should i do i get depressed real easily and i m contemplating suicide i need help,1
i wish there was a stickied thread some days i just need to spill the filth in my brain so it ll stop poisoning me i don t want responses especially pleading especially condescension i just need to purge it starting a thread is so conspicuous ,1
my genx monster why are you still here it whispers no one wants you hereand i don t listenbut really it insists you re not like them they don t want you hereand it hurts but i don t listenlook around it says your mother talks about you her sisters listen even they don t want you hereand i cry but i still don t listenthink about work it prods remember when you used to matter remember when you were _middle classi remember i m trying not to listenno more it purrs you don t matter anymore they re all younger now they re all educated and pretty and _spectaculari know and it s getting harder not to listenyour body s failing it says remember when you could see and hear remember when you could recall little details and relay them flawlessly remember when you could stand up without pain that s gone now you re getting old and _irrelevanti steel myself i refuse to listenyou have nothing left to offer it sneers nobody wants you nobody likes you you re not like them you have no value you re _oddi hold my chin up and try not to listenyour kids only hang around because you let them take from you it says how many times have they told you they hate youmy lip quiversbut still i refuse to listen you should go it says it s time to go your time is past their time is now there is no room for you it s time to goand i know it s right it s time to go my time has passed they have everything and there is nothing left for me i m listening i hear you so _tell me how ,1
no purposeno meaning in life i just turned 15 this september even though i live the greatest life i beleive a kid can ask for along with siblings and great parents i can t find a reason to live there s no person i want to live for no goal i want to achieve and i can t help but feel this life i m living is meaningless i can t help but be fascinated with what happens after death in the hopes it s better than this i m currently looking into the most pain free way even though i ve been given depression pills and all sorts of gimmicks no matter what i feel the same,1
i keep trying but failing what the hell s the point anymore can t get into college women hate me no friends left and i get stuck with a bullshit job fuck it i ll drink the damn bleach in my basement to end this shit,1
we are not important i ve been off drugs for 7 months i ve got my life back together aside from paying court fines and debt but nothing seems worth it life off of drugs reminds me why i wanted nothing to do with the world and prioritized amphetamines i didn t have to feel or operate i was on autopilot present day i hate work and can t find peace or closure i don t feel like any of this is actually worth it life doesn t feel worth it and this isn t some tantrum i just don t see the point i have loved ones but they have their own lives they talk about how i m so important to them but they have no idea what goes on in my head they don t understand that i could see such little value in my life i ve recently plotted numerous times on killing myself somewhere isolated where i wouldn t be found or crashing my car anything that couldn t be pinned to an actual suicide so they wouldn t blame themselves it s not anyone s fault but mine and i truly understand that a good friend of mine took his life and i never hated him for it and i didn t blame myself for it if i care so much about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is that reason enough to stick around,1
it feels heavy it feels as if it s an envitablity rather than just a possibility it s like a leach has been attached to my soul for years slowly sucking away who i ami don t want to be here anymorei m tired end,1
can someone talk to me and calm me down i really need to talk to someone right now everyone i can talk to is either busy or don t reply i assume because they re fed up with me talking to them about how miserable and stressed out i feeli m so anxious and antsy and worried and i feel like i m about to implode would someone please talk to me and help me calm down ,1
steam friend help obviously this is a throwaway account so let s get that out of the way first so a friend on steam whom i don t really know outside of gaming contact and hadn t talked to in about a month because life got in the way of gaming was talking to me today they told me they passed a deadline last week by which they intended to make an attempt and the means by which they d do it they may be hinting at setting another deadline in the near future as well what can i do i would call 911 but i have no way to discover any information about this person thanks in advance,1
how does anyone make it how the fuck do people afford college how the fuck can people afford to live jesus fucking christ am i a goddamn idiot i have absolutely no idea how i m going to make it in this world i don t know shit about shit and i have no money i have absolutely no fucking way to make nearly enough money to support myself i have absolutely no way to pay for college or any other kind of schooling for that matter i can only save 50 fucking dollars a month after all of the expenses i do have such as car insurance gas food medical bills car maintenance and my phone service how in the fuck is life supposed to be enjoyable when it is utter shit can someone please fucking tell me how keeping on is better than jumping off of a fucking bridge i cannot cope edit thank fucking god i have a home to stay in rentfree because otherwise i d be in the fucking streets forgot to mention that part,1
i m sad about how much i eat then i eat more i m to lazy to do anything about it people tell me i m still growing but im 16 now and nothing has changed i feel like garbage nothing makes me feel happy other then music and my dog moved schools lost all my friends and let my self go want to just fucking blow my brains out im just a fat anxiety filled wreck how did you guys deal with this shit don t know how much more i can take of this,1
i m going to do it i need advice on how to leave things when i go i m not asking for advice on how to do it i just need advice on what to do before i do it like should i write a will what should i write on said will what type of place should i do it should i contact anyone before i do it so my body is found that type stuff,1
washed up post op tranny circling the drain i am a 19 20 in a few days year old transgender man makes me sick to say it but i have long since completely disowned myself i have been on hormone replacement therapy since i was newly 14 had a botched chest surgery exactly a year ago today i m just sick of being this i can t motivate myself to be anything good or do anything at all because i don t want to be remembered as this fucking degenerate freak that s what trans people are we are just a sign of the end times i know i was born like this i just wish i was never born maybe it was radiation or chemtrails that caused this before birth coulda been anything who knows lol i m joking with you a bit but i m also 100 serious i don t want to be fucking trans i don t care how the world sees me and i know it s a mixture of really good neutral and hateful perceptions idc it s hard to explain i don t want to be remembered i rue that i ever existed in this way no matter what the cause of this is it is so incredibly shameful and confusing i ve wanted to die off and on my entire life but now i really have seen that this suffering is unnecessary it leads to nothing good there is no joy or anything other than intrusive violent thoughts for me in life i just can t wait to die got a gun on the way ps huddling together a million freezing cold mentally ill individuals won t serve to keep me warm don t redirect me toward the trans community under the false pretense of self help comfort anything ,1
ugh it s so hard to find treatment options in my state i really give up,1
thoughts of suicide make me lethargic it feels good to know i could always punch the clock in case something goes wrong in my life i m starting to think of it casually as if today is a good day to shoot myself in the head i fantasise going on a shooting range and putting 9mm up my mouth this way i dont have to think of bullshit such as my future i don t care about anything i ll probably get homeless or poor i won t be waiting to hit the bottomyes i m that lazy,1
i uh do something bad i sometimes like to look at my gun cabinet and think about loading a shell and ending it sometimes i walk to it i hate the fact i ve been diagnosed with asperger s and think if i end it now suffering will be ended in the future for me or any future people i meetdate crippling lonliness and the shame for feeling it compound each other i feel like i will ruin everything i touchi put the barrel in my mouth today though with the safety on ,1
seriously considering now for some backround i have thought of dying and how much better it would be many many times i m 37 and have been having thoughts like this for nearly my entire life outside of once or twice though it s not something i ever felt like i was serious about last night however i scared even myself it has been a bad week nothing too terrible and stuff that i know most people could and i should be able to just shrug off and keep going however it feels like certain people mainly my bossdad and sometimes my wife are actually trying to piss me off it s pretty well known to them that once i get really pissed off to the point of walking away that i end up very very depressed yet it seems like they do it on purpose anyway for example yesterday i was out on our mobile store because the regular driver quit a while back it runs on a propane generator or we can plug in to run the lights and ac unit back there i was at a site where running the cord left a trip hazard so decided against pulling out the cords and just ran the generator supposed to be there from 125 around 2pm on what is one of the hottest days of the year in south texas and the generator runs out of propane my fault in a way because i forgot to check it i don t drive this thing though it requires a cdl which i don t have one of our other drivers drives it to the site for me i drive his van and he goes about his day doing a different task while i man the mobile store so it s not an option for me to simply go fill the propane and carry on so i bring out the cords and plug in it s 2 cords this is important one cord that has a standard plug on one side and the other end is the big round 3prong plug normally found on washing machine because that s what the truck uses to plug in to the generator or the cord now this single cord by itself was not long enough so i get the second cord which i call an extension cord which has a male and female end with the round plugs so in short i plug the cord with the regular wall socket in to the wall run the cord out plug the extension cord in to that cord and plug that in to the truck pretty simple right well it didn t work and here s where all that becomes important i call my bossdad and explain the situation to him his answer is what do you mean extension cord i ve used that cord at the office before and it works i reply with yes i ve used the standard cord before and know it works but i have not used the extension cord before as far as i know it is untested and the previous driver never plugged in anyway i m guessing it s faulty so he responds i have no idea what you are talking about what do you mean extension cord what is that i ve never seen one before so i proceed to describe the two cords the same way i did above he still has no fucking clue what i am talking about this is one of the things that easily upsets me i know it probably shouldn t but it does when i explain something really fucking simple and someone just does not understand so he starts bitching at me that he doesn t have time to deal with this i say fine i ll just hang out only a couple hours left at this point i can sit in the ac of their break room and come out when people approach the truck and then go back to the ac it won t be too bad he says no that s unacceptable for the customer experience i agree to an extent but these guys need what we are there to provide so he decides instead of just taking my word it s not working that he s gonna come out and take a look bitching the whole time that he does not have time for this i agree i tell him i do not think it s going to do any good to come out but i am getting really upset at this point because he doesn t know what a damn extension cord is so he gets there realizes what it is and that it s faulty and bitches some more about having to come all the way out there decides to call the other driver back close up shop and reschedule that s fine i need to get out of there anyway i m having a really tough time not losing it at this point so i wait around another little bit for the other driver to show up swap vehicles go out through security who has to inspect the back of both vehicles and it takes some time drive all the way back across town and it s nearly 4 at this point now keep in mind that because i had to leave for this appointment at 11 and we were there from 125 i had not had lunch i ve been out in the heat for the past 2 hours and am dead tired so i am telling him this and that at this point i really just want to head home and eat instead he assigns me a task that he knows is gonna take me 23 hours what the fucking fuck i have not eaten all day i am covered in sweat i have black crap all over me and my clothes from moving those dirty cords around i had come in early that day because i had other stuff that needed to get dome before i left for the appointment and now he s wanting me to stay late with no lunch i m pissed walk out went home and sat in the shower for an hour finally went downstairs and ate dinner then wife heads off to bed after getting our daughter in bed this is where i was sitting there and really seriously considering just killing myself i was even removed because i guess it s explicit and against the rules i did not actually removed of course as i am here today but i was very close and today i am very scared of what i might do in the end i was thinking about how it would be for my wife to wake up to that she would likely lose her job as she would not be able to go due to having to deal with a dead me and getting our daughter to school or whatever else she would have to deal with so i didn t but it s the closest i have come and i am scared of myself if i had been just a little angrier or more depressed would i have carried through i don t know all i know is that i had an incident friday that really set me off then another tuesday and then this i m at my wits end these little things should not bother me so much but they do i should be able to just ignore it and carry on but i can t the scenarios play over and over in my head no matter how much i try to distract myself i go to sleep with the incidents playing in my head i dream about them the same things happening over and over i wake up with them on my mind because i was dreaming about it it won t go away and i want it to,1
need to reset my body clock i m wide awake at night and don t start to fall asleep until like 5 am and its all thanks to my old job which gave me tons of night shifts thankfully i left that stupid place and my new job is day shifts only but my sleep clock is completely screwed will i ever sleep at night again,1
i thought i could wait i always said that if stuff doesn t get better for me by the time i m 30 i d call it quits then recently i have been feeling this overwhelming sense that stuff won t ever get better so i ve decided to call it quits kind of sucks that life was never fair to me but i suppose unfairness is a part of life ,1
it feels stupid to pick up the knife for a girl but 6 years of pain and heartache seem to heavy to handle when we fall in love we re usually slaves to our hormones and primal instincts which means we often become irrational i know it causes pain i ve had the feeling before however looking back on it i realise it was just not worth it in my opinion no girl can possibly be the only meaningful thing in life hope things work out for you ,1
note to my mom i love you this is it its the end of the road for me the feeling of overwhelming sadness is unbearable i think the world would be better off without me nothing is worth breathing for im just a waste of resources on this planet the unmistakable feeling of being unwanted and hatred is fogging my existence you may question my decision but please remember that human beings are complicated creatures you may think i m selfish for leaving this world without saying goodbye leaving the people who loved me if any its not the easiest way to end the unlimited suffering i am facing nor the smoothest route to demolish the darkness of being lonely and rejected please don t be sad that im gone be happy that you meant the world to me,1
i feel so stuck this isn t the most urgent post so you can skip over this if you want i m 17 years old white male and american i m ugly and lazy everyone at my school dislikes me and for good reason they would hate me but no one gives enough of a shit about me to muster enough energy to hate me except myself i ve been in therapy for 4 years now it may have helped some in the past but now i ve realized that i can never change myself no matter how much i want to because i m a lazy piece of shit i m so fucking full of myself and full of self pity i hate my guts i wish i was dead i ve been waiting for so long for things to get better but they haven t and i don t think they will in the future whenever i get a test back at school i don t look at the grade because i m too anxious i told my mom this and she got angry at me and tried to make me look at it i know one test is a tiny thing but it means so much more it s a sign of all the shit i fail at all the projects i ve begun and never finished all the first paragraphs of my great novel i ve written and then forgotten about for six months only to cringe at later all the times i ve tried to learn another language or read a book and failed because i m such a fucking piece of shit wow look at that more fucking self pity shocking i can t do anything i have no willpower this test this one fucking test is just one part of a million things that make me want to just not be anywhere any more i used to have this friend she was my girlfriend too for a while and she was one of the few people that made me feel good and wanted she made me feel happy because i felt for the first time like i was making someone s life better we broke up but agreed to be friends afterwards and she went from having a crush on everyone of my friends ending on my only real friend before this he told me that he didn t like her and after listening to rave about him and trying to get him to date her i told her this i m such a fucking dick she told him about what i said and now he hates me for telling her and she hates me because she thinks i lied i guess i did my intentions don t matter so now the only two people that maybe cared don t anymore this all happened today i don t know when i ll kill myself but i know that that s the most likely way i m going to die i used to think i couldn t because i could give something to the world but now i realize that i m not shit but a self pitying piece of garbage i just want to not be here anymore stuckthank you for reading this if you did though i m sorry for wasting time that could be spent helping other people who need it more,1
i m scared and i feel alone i hate being so edgy and stuff but i m so sad and i don t know what else to do i just want to be okay and have everything turn out all right i m scared and i just want help,1
my good friend m30 has had several breakdowns he is now distancing himself from fh and myself he s close and we don t know what to do fh and i fear one of our good friends is very close to going through with ithe s confided in us a long time ago that he s suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts for a long time we ve had several scares and dealt withwitnessed a handful of breakdowns he fell off the radar a little over a year ago for a solid day and a half after an emotional break and we went as far as breaking into his house to check on him didn t find him but his car was there turns out he self harmed and called an ambulance on himself the most recent break being 2 weeks ago since that last break he has basically stopped talked to fh they work together so that s kind of a big deal i think he went in to their office twice and worked from home all the other times since he s also taken off completely quite a bit on top of that when he does talk to fh he s been a real jerk based on what fh has told me of their conversations i ve suffered from depression myself considered suicide and used to self harm so i am familiar with a lot of this his most recent actions of being a dick to fh basically spelled it out for me he s ready he s pushing him away in order to push us out of his life and therefore make it easier fh and i are not giving up and want to help but don t know howthere was a turnaround yesterday because he came over and was at our place for a couple hours now we have a shop in our garage that he and fh work in so him coming over unannounced and going straight into the shop is not uncommon when i came home though he was inside and watching tv with fh he hung out for another hour or so but didn t say much i know that him doing this is a positive but i want to know what else to dohe had lunch with a mentor figure yesterday to discuss everything several of us know what he s going through and are basically on watch and when asked how far into this he s thought he didn t skip a beat in saying he knows how he would do it it doesn t help that he lives alone we try to get him to come over or come out with us as much as possible but him pushing us away has put a hard stop to thatplease we need help i don t know what else to do the night of his last breakdown he and i sat and talked privately he confides and trusts me more so than fh because i ve told him my past dealings with this fh is admittedly not an ideal person to help someone in this state of mind and everyone involved is aware of that not that that s a bad thing he s just not that kind of person when we talked i was able to help him calm down but he doesn t really tell me the why s or the how s he s been looking for a committed relationship for a long time now and nothing ever works out and i know that is one of the reasons but he doesn t admit it that s not something i can help eitherhow do we help someone dealing with so much he s a very intelligent good looking individual and is praised at work he has a good core group of friends that are there for him for anything and everything his family is intact and supportive but even with all of this he s depressed thinks very low of himself and dwells on his relationship status a lot he doesn t even drink a lot if he does it s twice a week they have a gamenight that 46 guys join in and they ll drink at home during that then on friday s they have their regular spot they go to with a regular group of guys all great guys other than that he s not drinking heavily he doesn t smoke he has a dog at home which i know helps but i m growing more and more afraid that none of this is going to be enough and that he s closer than i d like to believei m sorry if i m rambling please help us help him he won t go see a professional we re all he has,1
it really feels hopeless to continue on at this point well i guess i should preface this with mentioning the fact that i ve desperately wanted to kill myself for the past 6 years or so barely anything has changed for the better with far more things changing for the worse as such that want to end my life has persisted ever since thenit started for me when i started experiencing bullying at school and my mother becoming abusive at school i was the target of being beaten up and constant taunts and at home my mother started to use increasingly violent punishments for smaller and smaller mistakes to make matters worse my mother would often downplay how much what she would do would hurt me or deny that it even happened and then punish me for lyingsince then my mother has decreased in the violence of what she did and the frequency but she still does it for a good few years my mother became increasingly not involved in my life with my dad becoming the parent who took care of me more thankfully unlike my mother he wasn t the kind of parent who would hit his child eventually my dad became very sick he eventually moved away to live with his other family members because he was having a very difficult time in our household for reference my mother was frequently saying that he was faking how much pain he was inhim falling over and she would frequently go on rants about how god willed for him to get cancer because he was a wicked man she would have these rants when he was able to hear themmy dad was the only person really protecting me from her nowadays it s been hell i honestly can t take it anymore i don t see any way out aside from just killing myself i had tried contacting the authorities in the past but they only took away the thing i used to self harm and did nothing else except imply that they thought i was manipulativelying to them i genuinely was scared for my life because my mother was threatening to kill me and they did nothingi can t take it i really can t it feels so hopeless at this point nothing makes me happy i have no friends and my home life is a living helland well to make things just that tiniest little bit more shit i m trans and well my mother is quite transphobic she refers to trans people as it and thinks it s disgusting for them to use hormones i m not going to be able to leave this household for another few years and even then i doubt i m going to be able to get away my family is not in a good financial situation so i doubt i m going to have enough money to even possibly move outit really seems like the best option i have is killing myself nothing is getting any better in my life so it really seems like it s the only thing i have left i don t want to have to keep going through this honestly i should ve killed myself alreadysorry that this was long winded poorly formatted and poorly organized my apologizes,1
i ve been suicidal for 7 days and it still hasn t passed usually when i get this way i can recede away for a few days and slowly build myself back up but not this time i m still 100 ready to do it maybe it s finally time,1
i can t stand life i am so alone in this world everyone ignores me and i feel like i am invisiblei have no friends i m super stressed out and bored from life giving me the same things everyday i feel trapped and nothing and no one is willing to help me out of this box the only logical way of getting out is to commit suicide i think ending would be more fun than seeing another day on this miserable world i need help,1
i dont know what to do anymore this is the second time i got in an argument with a friend in the past year my friend said that im a nobody and im the weirdest person out of everyone in the group all this happened in front of my friends too so apparently im a weird loner who is a nobody these are the only friends i have in california and i moved out here with them from ohio my self esteem was always low can never talk to girls never got respect from people unless they are using me and now this i dont know what to do anymore i really want to end it,1
why am i like this something s wrong in me i cried yesterday at work i can barely make it an hour without tearing up i feel so empty inside i feel like i ve lost everything the people i called friends have now admitted that they hate me my family is falling apart the girl i loved played me but you know what the worst part isi fucking deserve it i made my friends hate me i caused my family to fall apart and i broke that girl s heart too many times i don t know where this will lead me maybe it feels good to get it off my chest maybe it won t matter i just can t live like this anymore if the worst happens just know i loved you all this is on me,1
bye guys see ya man i hope you ve found peace,1
why can t i die i m beyond help and i don t want to get better i haven t got the strength in me to succeedwhy shouldn t i just end it,1
rip 13092017 19 years ago i was born what did i accomplish in life 3 years without school or a job income never ever even spoke to a girl in my life except primary school never mind a relationship sex no human communication for months at a time never had a friend in my life bullied in school dropped out with 0 qualifications family abadoned me 2yrs ago took out loans i knew i was never gonna be able to repay now in debt to my neck and homeless i have ocd dpdr and schizophrenia i have booked a cheap flight to another country and local transport to a popular suicide spot where i will hang myself and set myself on fire no one will ever know about me bye ,1
how do i tell my therapist i m want to kill myself i have a therapy appointment tomorrow and in the last week i ve gotten into a major depressive suicidal slump this post isn t about stopping that i just don t know how to word it with my therapist,1
question about this site i make a post get some lovely comments then go back a few hours later and they are almost always removed is it the commenters or site moderators are comments temporary what s going on ,1
please someone help me i can t do this anymore for months i ve been suicidal every day it s getting worse i m terrified bc i might do it i m on the edge i just don t want to feel depressed anymore i want the pain to go away no one in my life will help they call me overdramatic pitiful and too negative whenever i try talking about how i feel i need someone to help me before i do it please i m so scared right now ,1
my gf s friend in usa is struggling what can that friend do in order to receive support she needs someone reccomended me to post this over herea bit of background my 17yo gf met a 15yo girl from south carolina online lets call her e overtime e trusted my so with the struggles she s going through anxiety depression abusive unsupportive mom that only yells at her when she notices that e is feeling sad her mom and dad are divorced mom takes care of her for the most time dad every other weekend out of the whole family she semitrusts only her dad or his girlfriend e mentioned to my so that she wants to go to hospital for her own safety and suicidical thoughts but cannot ask her mom about thati am writing this because apperently she swallowed an entire bottle of pills this morning so things are getting serious me and my so want to help e what would be the best way to do so are there any useful phone numbers besides suicide prevention ones that would guide e she s too anxious to contact counselor for nowthank you in advanceedit i want to clarify that at this current moment e is not in emergency state but still needs support and help i d really appreciate any phone numbers that are for nonemergency cases,1
suicide prevention week more like i force everyone to live so i dont feel guilty week,1
i should just give up and die i m such a fuckin idiot i can t even do well on the easiest quiz of the year which was supposed to be a high school review why did i even bother trying when i m never going to be as good as everyone else so stupid of me to think i could even compete,1
please help me i don t want to die but it s all i can think about i don t see any other way out i just need the pain to stop,1
hopeless i posted here a little while ago but here is the outline of my story the last 3 and a half years have been hell my head hurts my face feels congested and blocked my ears crackle pop block and hurt with every swallow loud noises make my eardrums rattle like a blown out speaker after seeing herbalists ents nutritionists allergists osteopaths doctors and dieticians i was no closer to finding out why i had these symptoms i was becoming a nervous wreck as i cut out dairy sugar wheat chocolate alcohol and basically every pleasurable food except for fruit i was given every anti allergy and sinus drug spray tool and device you could think of nothing was helping it i was stuck in bed feeling more depressed with my constant head cold like symptoms feeling lethargic sad and desperate my anxiety was becoming horrendous i was developing ocd because of the fear of touchingsmellinginhaling everything in case that was why i was having these symptoms my doctor told me i could be like it for life and i may never get better we finally found an ent who took me seriously 18 months later he scanned my sinuses and ears and said they are perfectly clear and diagnosed a jaw issue finally i had a reasoning a medical reason for feeling like i did tmj i matched every symptom perfectly and there was hope we found a dentist who specialised and he ordered a scan which showed significant damage to the tm joints and degeneration a heavy programme of physio rehabilitation splint therapy and soft food followed as i finally got out of my lower hopeless moods and anxieties and found a path to normality the pain got worse and worse as i underwent treatment and i went on painkillers daily i was miserable but hopeful he retired last christmas and i saw a colleague who referred me to the surgeon they use he said the issue hadn t resolved at all non invasively and now it was time for surgery i m in the uk and the waiting lists over here for the nhs are exterminate so we had to self fund lying in bed the night before i knew i would either get my life back or it would fail and i would feel worse than ever the operation came went and 4 months later i ve not seen any improvement and have now developed severe anxiety and ptsd symptoms after collapsing 2 days after the surgery the nurses put it down to taking off the bandages and the heavy cocktail of drugs i was on but it was terrifying my head felt pressured things felt surreal and it shook me i now keep having panic attacks ever since my anxiety daily is 100100 i m severely depressed in pain things feel surreal and i m forgetful i m seeing a therapist who is trying to help me manage my pain and although she is so lovely and helpful it just is so tough talking about it i m empty broken hopeless and sad i m waiting for the next anxiety attack living through the days terrified of my anxiety avoiding everything because i m now not 100 sure what is causing the symptoms and waiting to go back to sleep things are a blur and my therapist said i am severely anxious and depressed and struggling to find positivity as well as having flashbacks nothing is getting better and i don t know what to do anymore thank you to whoever reads this ,1
i m weirdly attracted to the idea of being a jane doe not only do i want to die i also want to be one of those unknown or forgotten dead people like sure i might get a bit of attention after the police or whatever ask people if they recognize my corpse or whatever but then after that i would be no one just a jane doe a decomposing body no one cared or will ever care about but with the number of blood test i ve done in my life many hospitals have my dna so not gonna happen ,1
hurting keep having these strange dreams wanting to end it all but i know if i give in will i truly reach happiness or will it be just an empty void like my life currently is going through life trying to fake being happy not to worry anybody knowing deep down inside i am hurting trying to find myself but finding nothing the therapist i was seeing didn t get it his logic was well if you would just go out talking to people you would be happier no that s not how it works i want to meet people but its hard when you are so miserable that you just want to be alone and you got people trying to talk to you that don t get it i see all my friends have moved on in life and are living on their own while i am stuck living at home barely scraping by working at most 7 months out of the year because of my seasonal status at my job can t even get a full time job it blows i used to be able to say it will be worth it in the end i graduated seven years ago and still am living at home never went to college i am over 400 pounds i know i need to lose weight but its hard when you just don t care what happens i have tried reaching out to my parents but they don t understand my dad is just like deal with it everyone has problems it s life how can you say that to someone especially your own son but i should have seen that coming he has no sympathy for anybody his logic is if somebody is that depressed and wants to die to just do it little does he know that him saying that cuts like a knife his views on therapy are it s a waste of time and money said all therapists are just people looking to exploit weakminded people not necessarily true i will hopefully get through this in one piece and not do anything drastic ,1
the only thing stopping me from killing myself is someone to take the plunge with i never wanted to be singled out in fact i hate standing out making an impression being noticed existing perhaps this is the reason i never wanted to kill myself on my own it s been 5 years since i first attempted and failed and i know the only reason why i cowered at the last minute was that there wasn t someone there to jump with me am i a romantic at heart wanting to add tragedy to my short misled life perhaps am i a coward most definitely my mental illness has followed me across life and i can no longer bare to exist with it i have received attempts of help in many forms but it s gotten to be an embarrassment for me and my family now their daughter with a formerly bright future has only wasted their hard earned money and i feel only shame for what i am my attempts at being independent only landed me in hospital and my attempts of being a student or employed led to me having a psychotic episode and i had to quit both i wish i didn t want to achieve i wish i didn t care i am now a 22 year old woman in debt with no degree no qualifications and no prospects my beauty is also fading and this one thing i could say i had will be no more some people just aren t meant to be on this earth i wasn t meant to survive the only reason i survived was through modern science by the process of natural selection i should have never existed i try every day to show my worth in some way but all around me i can only see the drain i am having emotionally and financially on their lives i have been given pills of all nature and they only lessen the pain by 20 at the most i am in therapy and have been for years i exercise daily i eat well i push myself to do things the voices tell me not to every single minute i still fail i ve tried enough now i just wasn t meant to be here once i find my partner then i will be saying hello to the clouds ,1
nobody actually would seriously know or care if i was dead i m thirty years old now i was never one to have many friends i m not the type that adds everyone i meet only for five minutes on facebook so they can show they have over one thousand friends just to elevate their social status nobody can possibly be friends with that many people which is why i m more reasonable and only included those that i ve known for years which is under 40 friends for over a year now nobody has interacted with me on there and i ve been active on there almost everyday in some way i ve commented on friend s posts which go unliked or replied to they don t comment on my posts and they especially don t return my personal messages i even invited some out but no replies my gps was linked on there and one day i went to the emergency room for a accidental overdose i posted a witty but somewhat serious post on my profile that said something like oops i almost kicked the old bucket folks pay attention when taking any medications so as not to overdose like me as it s not pleasant and none of my friends committed on that i know they re active everyday and commenting on other people s posts it was a few days after that when i returned and logged back in my point is nobody would know or even care that i was dead but i m sure if they somehow found out i had died that they would try to get symphony from other friends about it just so people could focus on themselves it would be like hey you know so and so died then the other would tell them they are sorry when in actuality the friend hasn t interacted with me for years so my point is if they found out they wouldn t actually be upset or sorry i was dead they would only use it to get symphony for themselves but it wouldn t even get that far because to them as far as they know i m already dead just some loser that keeps popping up on facebook s feed i even phone texted some and they don t return my messages and i m not spamming them with texts either if that s what you think i recently messaged those i had messaged before jokingly asking if they lost their fingers but no reply and i can see they read it but they choose to ignore me and they all are on messenger a lot even the one i considered my best friend and whom i confided in i was feeling suicidal months ago no longer talks to me and the thing is i truly have little to live for i m in a bad situation i even came out and told them i was a virgin and never actually kissed or been kissed or experienced any kind of love at all because i was feeling suicidal and no longer cared to hide it we did talk at the time and a few weeks after but we haven t talked for months now or i should say they haven t been interested in talking to me for months now i guess it s all about social status people see nobody is commenting or posting on your facebook so they see you don t have any friends so they avoid you i can t go into my life situation but i assure you i have little to live for only pets no gf or kids on full disability for physical reasons so i have everything going against me and nothing for me,1
i m available lets chat anybody that needs someone to talk to can contact me maybe i can help you see things from a different perspective in need of a friend dont hesitate im just an average 35 yr old guy from florida,1
this is a positive one a lesson learned like most people here i blame myself for my situation more i can blame anyone else i ve always been very bad with anxiety to include hospitalizations research says it s from a shitty home life and parents that didn t live up but a natural side effect of that much anxiety is trying to control so much in your lifethis ruins relationships i m in love with a free spirit we ve been dating and figuring things out for 8 years now when she leaves to get space it kills me but we both know it s from me getting too controlling when you do this it s tough cause it will drive people away and even tho you re wellmeaning and trying to help it almost push her into the arms of another man who seemed less stressful and controlling it sucked i subscribed here and had daydreams of shooting myself but time passed and she was faithful and i promised to work on not being controlling but i realized something new to me while i was in that phase suicide is the ultimate desperate method of trying to get control it s getting the final word in so you can control other people s thoughts the idea at least to me always was that will make her wish she had appreciated me but the important reality is that it is actually just the fastest way to make her forget you you will not go down as a hero and her heart will move on ironically suicide is a short term solution instead you could take the tough long road of learning to be okay without the comfort of control and that s going to have a much bigger impact on her life she will never forget that and you have a fighting chance of actually being the easy going guy she knows you can be then you can be happy and a teammate to her and the anxiety will move right through you i hope this helps someone that may be feeling like i was thanks for readingtldr suicide for control is a short term solution ,1
i want to die because of my parents but they re also the reason i haven t commited suicide yet long post throwaway obviously19m currently in tears while typing this i feel like my parents would be so much better off without me they say they love me but don t show that in actions they seem to love my older brother much more even though they deny it i ve been saying it since i was like 14 but they never wanted me to think that i love them a lot and they are the most important thing i possess yet i feel like they don t love me at all i always get to do the dirty work boring things and always get shouted at meanwhile my brother is so perfect such a great son which is what they say at family activities they say jokingly that i m like the kid who they ve lost hope in they have been saying that since i was like 12 and they always say it s a joke and nothing serious but it always haunted me about myself i have some good friends not lonely not ugly not stupid hopeless etc i love being with my friends and most people would describe me as a nice guy who is happy nobody knows that i can t really remember the last time i was happy it s like a 247 mask i wear pretending to be happy partying going out hanging out i just feel very useless time to time and i feel my friends and family would think i d be the last person to end my life i think most people at my schoolcity would think i m very happy meanwhile my mental health is fucked up i ve been having suicidal thoughts for like 15 years now but i don t like the idea of shocking my loved one friends and family and never be able to see them anymorethings went even worse when my dog passed away a few months ago he was besides my human friends probably my best friend back when i was younger and didn t have many friends he was always there i miss him every dayi don t know what to do i think i couldn t go through the process of physically killing myself but i also don t find much joy or happiness in my life i wish i could just skip to being 65 and being retired nobody knows how i really feel and i have nobody i could ever talk about this because even that would shock the shit out of them as i have never ever shown this i hope there is a way out besides killing myself ,1
glad i didn t throw away my suicide note i don t think i could handle writing another right now,1
i think i m ready to go but i m too scared to really do it first off i d like to acknowledge that my problems are probably quite insignificant when compared to others that come to this board i should be happy i m 18 whole life ahead of me right i come from a wealthy family i got the chance to grow up abroad i attend a fairly decent college in the us i m not disabled mentally or physically i have a family that cares about me i don t have an identity sexual gender etc that might distance me from my peers i m not physically unattractive or so i ve been told i dunno but i think i m done with life also i d like to apologize for the damnnear essay that follows what else would you expect from a humanities majori ve felt this way for a long time but i ll skip most of that time period and start in high school throughout the majority of high school i never really had any friends which is entirely my fault towards the end i made a couple of closeish friends but they re gone now plus i think they were only there because they knew how unhappy i was i think i only really made it to college alive because i was really fairly dependent on alcohol in the months leading up to me coming here but now in college of all places that crutch is gone so far i have absolutely no friends in college i have absolutely no one i can talk to every time i ve even slightly mentioned anything about my emotional state people get scared and run off i ve been fairly reliant on my friends from high school to talk to but i am almost certain that they ve tired of me well i m absolutely sure one of them has and she was the only one that really mattered to me now i just lie to everyone and tell them that i m ok i m not i ve tried to hang myself twice before but both times i panicked right before i lost consciousness i ve overdosed on my meds which i ve stopped taking three times it was zoloft so i knew it wouldn t be fatal i ve got a noose hidden in my room i ve put it around my neck a couple times already and tested if the knot will hold i just need one more thing to push me over the edge i can t help but feel that the rest of my life has nothing in it really i know that some of my thoughts which because of their complete lack of reason i won t go into are just the depression talking but i know that i m not going to be cut out for anything great no girl will ever find me as a viable option romantically have you ever had a girl give you the yeahno thanks look so i know i m going to end up alone or in some passionless relationship in which my supposed partner will have decided to just settle for less if you can t tell based on the lack of structure in this paragraph i m not even sure what point i m trying to get at anymore i just know i don t want to be here i m sorry to waste your time if any of you bothered to read this far ,1
i know i wont be missed now but i have some time to keep trying death is kinda like rest for who can t afford rest while alive i can hope for more but it won t be guaranteed ,1
i don t want to live to be 18 my life s just not worth it nobody even cares about me i hate my birthday i don t want to be alive to celebrate another year of misery ,1
loved ones will you just disappear and not tell your loved ones that you won t be back will you leave a note i m torn i hate the thought of them knowing i m gone for good but have so much unsaid,1
looking for reasons to live i m 18 years old living in the uk and to put it bluntly i no longer have any reasons to live i m not a wellliked person in general probably my own fault i don t particularly make effort to befriend people and never like talking to anyone outside of my immediate small group of friends in this small group of friends i have no one i feel any particular closeness to no one to really talk to about anything personal hence why i m using reddit just over a year ago i was left by someone that was in many ways my best friend probably the only person i have ever been able to really talk to after this long period of time being apart despite efforts to distance myself from her i am still pathetically in love with her it s hard to illustrate through text how that feels but to summariseagony within a few weeks she will have moved away and i will likely never speak to her again added to this the fact that since we broke up i have not been able to even successfully secure a single date and i have had to frequently hear from mutual friends how happy she is and all about what new guy she is datingbut the thing that really breaks my heart is the fact that my own family don t love memy mom is someone i have never gotten along with and she makes it apparent that she wants me to leave home as soon as possible to the point where she has threatened to throw me out if necessary currently i cannot afford to leave despite working full time i also have a brother and sister i wouldn t consider myself close within conclusion i have no close friends the only person i ve loved will soon be out of my life forever and each night i come home to hear my family tell me i need to leave home soon it s hard to see a point in life anymore,1
i m getting closer with each day like the title says every day i come closer to taking my own life mostly because i don t want to work for the rest of my life i just don t see the point i m going to work for the next 50 to 60 years at manual labor and dead end jobs only to struggle to get by and end up dying in a hospital room i can t afford that isn t a life i ve ever wanted i ve been thinking this way since i was little and i can t see another option besides suicide if i keep going like this i ll end up killing myself if i quit working i ll be homeless and my girlfriend will leave me which again leads me to suicide the meds i have taken over the years haven t helped even a little therapy hasn t helped either because all people say is to get a new job or to find happiness in my work but that s the problem i hate working it s pointless filling my bosses pocket by trading in my life for money if i m miserable and have everything that is actually good in my life few things overshadowed with dreading work not to mention the anxiety i have for just knowing i have to go it s not worth it and i can t think of anything to solve the problem i want to live and be happy obviously but that just isn t going to happen as long as i have to work but in order to to live i have to have money it s and endless cycle i want out of i tell everyone i m not gonna kill myself but i m not sure if that holds true anymore i can feel my will power draining away every day i don t feel like i ll be here much longer and that scares me not because i m scared of death but because i don t want to hurt my family and friends,1
i will kill myself soonjust waiting for everything to fall in place me too bro the pieces will soon fall into place whats your story,1
endless loop ill try to tell my story the best way i can back in march my ex girlfriend ended things with me after nearly 5 years turns out she cheated and was in love with someone else a mutual friend but thats no longer whats causing my struggle every single day i wake up worse and worse it feels like im stuck in an endlesd loop of failures struggling to climb out of a neverending fall into an abyss of despair ive downloaded dating apps tried relstionships blew my chance of a hookup with a really cute girl lately i cant seem to find peace my mind is constantly being tormented by questions is this the right choice should you do this etc when im not being tormented by questions im being tormented by my own self hatred look what you fucked up you re worthless you blew some great chances your such a pussy waking up daily to these constant tormenting thoughts has me flying down a path of seriously considering suicide as an option i really dont want to live and suffer anymore nothing seems to go right for me anymore and im not sure if i can continue on im on medication for anxiety and depression but even that stopped helping i appear to be stuck in an endless loop an endless loop of despair snd misery that i cant seem to escape,1
i hate myself i want to die i am fat pathetic disgusting i m dumb and and idiot i m a cunt and i need to stop liking the things i like because their stupid disgusting i m a pervert and a paedophile racist and homophobic i know this because the voices tell me so i just need to work i m a female 16 year old i don t know how to drive and i have no friends i m fat so i m ugly disease ridden i am fat disgusting no matter how much i try to be happy push away the voices they always come back because i know i m a pathetic piece of garbage i hate my annoying white sounding voice and i m just going to kill myself,1
just a dead end fuck that is what i am no matter how hard i try or what i achieve death still seems convincing and i would not hesitate to shoot myself in the heart if i found a gun i cannot change my mental state since misanthropy and antinatalism is the truth i hate humanity the system fucking everything fuck the bullshit permanent solution to a temporary problem existence is my problem it is stupid that i exist to make my family happy i do not have free will i am born by chance and am just another parasite like everyone else non existence is freedom because there is nothing to look forward to no more enslavement by others nor being commanded like some dog life is nothing more but being a puppet on strings you cannot suffer feel pain starve or even hurt when you never existed that to me is freedom i will get there someday,1
i have no meaning in my life no friends and no hopes for a better future started uni this fall and it s really stressful and i have no goals with my education so nothings really motivating me i really like the subject but it s just not worth the effort i think i expected too much going in to this i thought i was going to meet people who were like me i guess i forgot that even if those people existed i wouldn t get along because i barely open my mouth unless someone is asking me questions in middle school people harassed me whenever i said anything so i gradually got quieter and quieter till i just didn t say anything and i haven t really recovered from that i ve basically been socially isolated till now i ve been struggling for a long time and it s a miracle i managed to move to start uni i feel like this is where it ends though i m so close to giving upi don t think my life has ever felt worth living for i ve always escaped into fantasies about things being good it s lead me to make poor decisions chasing weird fantasies i ve realized this now though and i m trying to spot when i have them but i don t dare to dream about things anymore i want a nice car and house but that s not going to fix anything i think what i need is to better myself so that i can have healthy and meaningful relationships and a source of income it s just so difficult and i honestly just want to end it i m so tired of life,1
i m scared confused and i want to die i hate myself i m a fat stupid worthless piece of trash disgrace i know for a fact the people around me would be so much better off without me i find myself crying in secret everyday and hiding my tears under the blanket at night as i feel empty and lonely surrounded by the darkness it feels like i never have and i never will fit in every night i wish that i could end it all that i could have a disease or that i could jump in front of a moving vehicle to save someone letting myself be hit just so that i could do one thing worth full in my life i just want to end it all and what s scary is i just mightmy day is a mix of fake happiness around others to swings of rage fits and depressive feelings i know that everyone i know and love would either be unaffected or better off if i wasn t born no one knows no one can know i feel like there s nobody s there to talk or someone who would care i have nothing to live for i m sorry,1
i won t kill myself but i need reasons to live hey so i think about killing myself a lot i won t kill myself since i know what kind of pain that would inflict on those around me i also don t think it s worth it to distance myself from those people before killing myself as it d cost a lot of time and effort and when they d find out they d still be hurtbut i feel zero motivation to live the only things i do in life are to serve others to ease their time in the world i have a job that keeps me occupied a few days a week sometimes i hang with friends i ll read watch stuff and play games occasionally but this is me trying to pass the time it feels like chores same thing with sports or even eating i don t feel motivated to care much for myself although i do eat healthy as i don t want to be too much of a burden on this planet eitheri feel like i m a burden a lot i let a lot of friendships go without attention but those friends don t seem to mind that either when i do spend time and energy it s somewhat appreciated but there doesn t seem to be a lot of will to reciprocatemaybe i m annoying to them or otherwise rather avoided by people maybe i don t show how shitty i feel about life in general i don t knowi ve come here to ask what you think there is to live for i think we as humans cause so much harm to everything and everyone around us inadvertently or not that it s better to not exist,1
i posted this in rdepression too but i m feeling really shitty yesterday was my birthday i don t know why i bother anymore so i made plans to have a party today i invited people a month ago reminded them a week ago a few people said they were down so i bought a 60 bonfire permit for today a lot of money for me right now since i m broke but i wanted to have a happy birthday for once well my birthday rolls by and i don t hear from anyone and had another loneliest day of the year today i reached out to the people that said they re coming and either got no reply or they couldn t come from literally everyonethis is the second birthday in a row that something like this has happened and i spent it all alone maybe 3 i can t remember not to mention every other holiday where people are out having funhalloween ect i haven t actually hung out with any of my friends since before i graduated college a year and a half agoi ve been doing all the things that are supposed to make you feel better like going to the gym trying to get into university for something not worthless like my college degree quitting my toxic job deactivating facebook but none of it is fucking working i just want a fucking friend,1
i m sorry that i was born important information i will not stay in this stupid countryi apologise i didn t take my life sooner that my family had to waste money on feeding me and providing accommodations reminder i will not stay in this country i would rather die i m sorry i only feel comfortable speaking in english i m sorry i wanted to escape to a safer country and tried to find help anywhere that i was born trans and that i m stupid in the head and overwhelmed with anxieties and stressreminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diei m sorry i cut myself and that i live an unhealthy lifestyle that i spent so much money on useless video games when i was younger and that i love drawing things even when i m bad at it i apologise for wanting to escape somewhere safe and thought that someone as pathetic as me could do thatreminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diemy life is a mess and i truly wish i never existed i am sorry i m here today writing this message and i m sorry i m probably already gonereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather die i don t believe there is an afterlife but if there is i hope i burn in hell for eternity for being bornreminder i will not stay in this country i would rather die reminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather die i forgot to mention i don t care about anything other than leaving this country and that s impossible and to anyone who tells me to stay here i want you to know that i hate you and i want you to stay away from me you make me sick but since that s impossible i m killing myself right now reminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather diereminder i will not stay in this country i would rather die,1
don t know how to keep going any more hi i don t really know how to start this i just need to get this all down so people know what i m feeling and why and if there really is any chance for me to get better and if anyone knows how i can be helpedi m sorry that it s so long abd whiny and probably seems disconnected but every little thing adds up even though i know this will miss out so much and things that i don t feel comfortable sharing and i m sorry it s written weirdly and i might make it hard to read i just don t have the energy to write properly and know that if i try to i will never be able to start or finish becayse that s how it s been for me until nowi just don t see a way out of being hopeless like this i m a trans girl and my mental health and everything around me has been getting worse and worse for so longi have trichotillomania and it used to show itself like it does in most people when i was younger and i developed a bald patch because of it but because of my dysphoria when i started growing facial and body hair it quickly turned into plucking and pulling that as wellbut when the hair started getting darker and thicker i couldn t control how much damage i did to get them out so now my face is covered with scars from digging in with tweezers for hours every day i just wanted to be able to be pretty and confident with my appearance but now i never will be i always have been unhappy with how i look but during the times i hadn t got as scarred and stay clean for long enough i was happy with how i looked but now i don t even have that i ve researched stuff about how to get over trich but it s made for people that are plucking hair they don t want to lose for me i need that hair to be gone even without ocd i wouldn t be able to live properly as myself when i have hair growing out of my face shaving isn t good enough nd i can t afford hair removal i ve spent the last year or more almost completely inside so far longest time without stepping out once is six months i can t be seen like this and even when i can stop and heal for long enough for makeup to help me go out it s still so hard just being trans makes others see me as a freak let alone everything else i have no contact with my family who i ran away from more than a year ago because it wasn t good for me especially my mum who lied to gaslighted and blackmailed me as well as sabotaging my chance of getting help from the gender clinic even if they didnt seem to want to help anyway ive tried different medications for my depression but everything made me feel weird and worse so i couldn t stand to keep taking them people say that lsd can help but every time i ve done it i ve had at best a mildly uncomfortable trip but my worst led to me going to hospital and traumatised me worse than anything i can remember but i ve taken it a lot because it at least means this life is different at least for a while i ve been in some relationships but i found out about something called relationship ocd that i think describes me quite well and is what lead to most of my break ups my last girlfriend was the first person i could see in real life and i always looked forward to her visits and she was so good to me but after the bad trip i lost the ability to love like that so i had to leave her and now she hurts too much to talk i miss her a lot i didn t want to hurt her i only have a few other online friends but they have lives of their own and can t talk to me much i ve forgotten how to talk to people other than them and how to make friends i used to make lots of friends and talk to loads of people even if only really online but now i can t do it at alli used to have a lot of electronics and stuff to keep myself entertained at least but even though i know to treat my things well everything has broken and i don t know why and i cant afford to fix anything i live on disability and housing benefits and what s left after food and everything being delivered goes to collecting trading cards because it means that i at least have something to look forward to and almost enjoy and there s always a chance of something good a chance i don t feel i really get in any other area of my life it gives me something to focus on even if my ocd makes collecting toxic sometimes and i get self conscious for feeling childish but at least it s something i wish i could save to fix things or get a laptop or something so i could make art again or play games but without lots of small things to look forward to to keep me going i would suffer a lot i once saved up for a switch by starving myself and selling things that i didn t really want to sell so that i could enjoy something new but it and the replacement were both faulty and when i traded it in cex took the trade in price down the day that i arrived there and then put the price down again because i had a screen protector on it so i lost a lot of money on that i feel like i m not really allowed to be happy or have good thingsi went to pride pretty soon after i left my family but i got spit on by someone there almost as soon as i arrived and that was a long time before the hate group arrived feels like nowhere accepts mei haven t made any friends since i ve moved here other than my roommates but i did try talked to someone online and it went really well and was supposed to go to a meet up together with some of their friends but when i arrived they all didn t say a word to me and after they finished their drinks just left me alone and i really made an effort i was supposed to move out last month with the roommate i get on with better but nowhere would accept me because i don t work so i m stuck where i am and they moved out the other roommate isn t a bad person but they had anger outbursts and pushed and broke things in the house when i had moved in not long ago and i never really got over being scared of her i once attempted suicide but was found before i had taken many pills i went to the hospital anyway and said that i need help and that i think it would be best if i were to be sectioned but they said that if i kill myself it s my responsibility and they refused to help meone of my online friends recruited some of her friends that are good at helping others and know what to do and are quite good activists and stuff like that and one of them is the reason i was able to run away at all but after a while they all seemed to give up on me they knew how bad it was and said they d help and then nothing i know they do a lot and i don t expect them to drop everything they do for me and i appreciate what they have done but it hurt more to be dropped like that than not told would be helpedi feel like i m not allowed to be happy when i was a kid i got bullied a lot and especially when i was in primary school spent at least one year with no friends at all and when i did get happy or excited i ended up extremely ill which i think still happens now i once ended up in hospital the night before my birthday and i always got ill somehow before most good thingsi was in college for a year and a bit i got a distinction in my first year but knew i wouldn t be able to cope in a level 3 course because i barely got through that so i took another level 2 in something else but i got kicked out because i couldn t handle it a lot of the time when people try to help me they think i m trying to be difficult and get frustrated and give up on me but i promise i do my best it s just that so little seems to work for meall i ve been able to think about lately is self harm and suicide wanted to kill myself since i was 8 only reason i haven t started cutting again is don t have anything shark enough and usually too scared to try and kill mysskf but so close to breaking point don t know what to do i really do try my hardest to make things better and i know my best isn t that good but i don t feel like i deserve this life i always try my best to be good even if i don t always succeed i don t know what else to do i want to be able to be happy and be confident and go outside and be accepted and have s life and friends i can share good times with i really miss going outside ,1
eugenicist here i think it s time well i ve worked it through intellectually i m pretty much done on this earth i have contributed a little to society not very much but what i could through some serious analysis and through the process of natural selection i know that i am not fit for reproduction i am flawed physically and genetically there is absolutely nothing that i can contribute to the species via the continuance of my genetic line i have drained society my family beyond the point of my worth i know the standard arguments i know what people always say but there is a simple biological truth natural selection is natural and it is unforgiving i am not fit to reproduce and i am not fit to survive but due to the transhumanist reality that we live in i continue an unnatural existence i think it s time to return to the natural order it s time to go ,1
just my thoughts and reaching out for advice so its been a year since my ex and i broke up and he got married but i feel really shitty because i destroyed a box full of our memories and a necklace he gave to me when we were 4 months in i wish i hadn t because its all i had to remember him by i feel like shit it was a 5 year relationship it didn t end on good terms and i know it was a huge mistake on my part as is everything else in my life i want to undo it i really love him all the memories are destroyed though i did that when i was drunk one night i shouldn t have any advice on how to get him back i know it was a huge mistake to let him go i m honestly not even sure why i did let him go no one will ever love me like he did i cant live with this regret for the rest of my life,1
can you hang yourself gradually or do you have to drop like can i tie the noose in my closet and slowly let it strangle me would that work,1
after posting and reading this sub today i genuinely don t feel like killing myself i guess just knowing there are other people who have suicidal thoughts constantly is magically making me feel less suicidal myself interesting,1
my ex called the cops on me the other night i was talking to my ex more like continuing a conversation from the night before about ending my life i just can t keep fighting to live anymore it takes too much energy anyways he called the cops even though i told him i wasn t doing anything that night and i was angry at him obviously for doing that i get that he was concerned about me and i understand he did it because he was worried about me but now things are weird between me and my parents the ride home was very uncomfortable because now my dad was asking questions and my mom hasn t spoken to me i was never really close with my parents anyway but now i feel even more alone and now i m stuck i feel bad about putting my ex in a position where he felt like he had to do that so i ve forced myself to stop talking to him i m completely alone now i can t let myself feel anything and i still want to die i don t really have anything to live for he thought he was helping me but it s had the opposite effect i just need to pick a day now living is simply too painful,1
figured out how i d kill myself i can barely take this anymore i don t even know what good posting here will do i just need to get it off my chest and i don t want to burden anyone if i kill myself i hope it s soon i see no future for myself and my friends are growing everindifferent towards me as the days go by as my title said i ve decided the most efficient for me way of going about ending it i don t know how much more i can tolerate between the things i can t help but remember and the things that are currently happening to me and the people around me that i m helpless to stop i want to escape i want to be free from this bullshit ,1
morality i ve already made up my mind about suicide in march i lost my boyfriend to cancer he was the most important thing in the world to mei know my life is over i m just not in the grave yetmy question is aren t there times when suicide is the best possible optioni m becoming more bitter and sad with every passing day why should other people be burdened with that isn t there a case to be made that it s actually a good even moral thing to remove oneself from this world especially if you have no further purpose and can only make other people miserable,1
i would do anything to end my life maybe i ve been having a really hard time i am depressed every day i constantly have this urge to harm myself or kill myself now it s to the point where i m forming visualizations or ideas in my head on how to go about it my last suicide attempt was in march i tied a bag around my head i ve seen so many therapists none of them really helpful except for my current one who is telling and helping get a better lifestyle i don t see the point in continuing with her because this doesn t feel like it s helping me and it s really hard for me to open up to anyone in general also i just really really want to kill myself there is no point for me to continue i have no joy or pleasure in anything every day is the same i sit at home not pitying myself but thinking of ways to kill myself i just don t want to live anymore i don t matter and never have mattered to anyone the flashbacks don t stop this is what i want i want to dieedit i am thinking about just giving up on everything my job my games everything i don t want to keep feeling like an oxygen thief every day i just want this all to end i keep eating junk food in hopes that a heart attack might happen soon ,1
sick of the system hey guys i m a 22 year old asianamerican guy in the us suffering from major depression social anxiety adhd the suicidal thoughts i m getting are more intense then over they first started when i was a teenager but have only grown stronger now that i m in college mainly due to stress inability to cope with real world and having no real best friendsgfs most of my life i barely had any friends i ve always felt i ve talked to more online people in my gaming communities then those in real life i also have asian parents and all they can tell me is take some pills and stay in school and study so i ve never had anyone to talk to with my issues i m near the end with almost no motivation for living anymore the only reason i haven t done it yet is because of music video games anime and tv shows,1
does life seem a bit pointless to anyone else rant i ve felt suicidal for as long as i remember but managed to keep a lid on it the past year since i ve been busy with school and personal issues yesterday my only friends and the people i love the most have told me they want nothing to do with me no reason for it either the love of my life also confessed to loving me back only to have my drunken mind reject them so they can explore during university and not have to stay tied down for the greatest days of our lives this turned bad and now he wont talk to me much anymorei ve been thinking about suicide all night wrote a note relapsed a bit and listened to sad songs read an inspiring article on why not to commit suicide but then started to realise that no matter what i do from here on everything will be for nothing i can become the best in my profession and become rich marry the love of my life meet my best friends and have a great life but eventually i ll have to die we all will why should i suffer for the next 60 years just to have it all mean nothing and all end anyway nothing means anything and one day no one will remember my life and everything that i gave a shit about everything i slaved over everything i worked hard for it will all be gone forever what s the point anymore i m probably not going to kill myself tonight i m too afraid of the afterlife to go through the process of hanging myself and i have no other options right now this just sucks i feel pain wash over my entire body every time i press another button on my keyboard because i remember my life is meaningless and i still can t do anything about it damn,1
i m just so sick of existing if i wasn t scared of hurting people i love i would have killed myself so long ago life is shitty and i m forced to go through it alone,1
why doesn t anyone care ,1
suicidal thoughts every hour i m 19 years old person with a clich depressing life situation i have no job experience no real friends irl family is planning to disown me college denied my application i made so many wrong turns in life to the point of no return also i m living in a foreign country without able to hold a proper conversation right now i m at home having absolutely nothing to do trying to find a job is a task i wish i could leave it to the someone else but i realized i m a socalled adult now my family constantly pushes pressure on me i m very tired i m becoming a burden i don t want to cause anyone troubles i regret everything from my decision of going abroad my life to the point i wish i was never born i m thinking of killing myself whenever my family starts talking to me they don t make me feel better or trying to guide me in some way they are adding up the criticsm i already gave myself i feel like gabage every morning i wake up i have to suffer another day i wish i have the courage to go on but realizing that i m totally alone in this strange land no one would help someone pathetic like me i can t stand the way other people look at me when they turn me away like they pity me i wish i could just disappear from this world turn into some kind of flower star like in fairy tales i don t really want to live anymore i m quite positive at times but when these things hit i don t see any way out anymore and i just want to end it all here at a young age with so many unobtainable dreams,1
he s going to leave me i try my hardest to be good for him but i constantly fuck up it destroys me to see him frustrated and disappointed with me the only reason i haven t killed myself in the last two years is because of him but i know he can only take so much i m constantly miserable and bring everyone down around me i would be doing them a favor by just going through with this,1
i ve lost everything this last month has been an avalanche of bad news i left my seasonal job and most of my friends were there i found out that i can t afford to finish college so i lost the rest of my friends and the last three years feel like such a waste of time i haven t spoken to my family in weeks and we weren t even on speaking terms when we last spoke my girlfriend just broke up with me because i can t show her that i care about her now i have no friends no job no family no money and no motivation to keep on going ,1
iama mandarin chinese don t go 2 school don t work for years like things of anime or game oh hi guys but i havent really talked to anyone today need someone to talk toanime is really great i want a wifu,1
16 year old struggling with life hello everyone i haven t posted much on reddit so i hope i m not breaking guidelines this is going to be a long write and honestly i m very grateful if someone reads all of this to introduce myself i am a 16yearold in college my parents are divorced and i have no siblings i am an introvert and i have social anxiety i have 3 friends in my life i consider them all my best and only friends both of them moved very far away and are also busy with school and their jobs so it s very hard for me to talk to them my mom fought stage 3 thyroid cancer ever since i was very young until 2013 where she got into remission in 2012 my parents divorced after years of constant fighting i became aware of their fighting when i was 9 when i woke up 3 in the morning due to their fighting ever since then i have been fighting with depression since i am an introvert who was consistently bullied all throughout high school i was hated by most people and i was consistently told by people in my class to just go kill yourself no one likes you so it would be better if you were just dead i have been struggling with the thought of suicide ever since i was 13 i have switched to many different schools eventually i would hear the same relentless words from my classmates and peers i have attempted suicide twice both times were unsuccessful when i was 13 i cut my wrists as a way to cope with my feelings i have been through multiple psychologists and i would feel better for the time being but after a few days i would immediately feel like shit i am constantly alone but i have a fear of being rejected by people and staying alone my mother knows about my depression and she s tried to help before i have consistent dreams about me killing myself some feeling lucid but i would always wake up to the horror that is reality fast forward to now my mom has regained her thyroid cancer and now it has spread to her lungs she fears that she won t be able to make tomorrow as she s consistently in the hospital she s having a paid leave as she s in the hospital almost 247 i am struggling with my classes as i can t focus anymore i m dorming at my university but i feel alone even when i m at a campus full of people i can t decide my major and what i want to do with my life and it s all stressing me out i m scared of being alone and i have my thoughts tormenting me day and night i m emotionally unstable and i don t know what to do anymore i have to find a way to pay my tuition and i can t get any student loans since i m a minor i also owe my father money since i spent a lot on my debit card i can t love myself anymore i stopped taking care of myself and i haven t slept or ate in the past few days i would usually eat one meal a day and that s it i m trying to find a job to pay my dad and my school i resorted to cutting my hair i had very long hair and selling it for 100 i can t afford anything and i have held on to that 100 for the longest time i have told all my best friends about my current situation and it s not like how it used to be i can t see them on a daily basis like how i used to and it really hurts i hate being alone as an underaged kid in college with no family and no direction in life as the school year has just started i have no idea if i have the focus and motivation to be in my classes i really want to be in college and hopefully go to medical school or become an animatori have constant suicidal thoughts that torment my mind and dreams almost every day and i can t seem to stop it i ve noticed that it has taken a significant toll on my attitude and relationships i have become a very pessimistic and negative person that repulses everyone that i speak or interact with i complain that i can t make any new friends or interact with people but i can t stop my negativity if it wasn t for my supportive 3 best friends i have no idea where i would be right now but most importantly i m terrified that i m starting to get a personality that is like a sociopath i have a full prescription of minocycline 100 mg pills that is intended for my acne but i just want to swallow it whole and end it all i ve tried twice before and failed hopefully third time is the charm i m scared i want to die but i also don t want to die i m confused and helpless i don t know how to help myself or how to practice selfcare anymore i want to give up i need somebody anybody ,1
i m tired of this life i m not going to be tired anymore actually feeling excited throwaway i m a 17 yo guy home sick today i have been in a cycle of depression and happiness for the past year for a month i ll be doing fine but then something triggers me to fall into the pit for a few weeks or a month ive tried therapy couunceling antidepressants marijuana to try to help the depression but all it does is make me anxious and hungry i have been in and out of drug rehab for smoking i didn t mind because i got counseling in the rehab place well i m out of it now but i m back in the pit life has been so shitty for the past year since my mom died of cancer my dad doesn t know how to raise the family and my family is falling apart i love my father he has given me everything i have but he doesn t understand what it s like to wake up one day with no will to live and no desire to do anything besides die he basicly told me in so many words this morning that i m worthless because i m not doing what i should doi m planning on my suicide at noon today before my dad picks me up to take me to talk to my school principal about my many absences and skipping i have a plan and i m writing notes now i write this because i want to talk to people that won t judge and don t have the ability to send me to the psych ward or hospital tldr planning on killing myself in a few hours depression anxiety zero self worth family shit etc,1
not sure what im doing everyone i love has left me i posted here a few days ago on a different account about taking a box of benadryl in the end i only took about a third of the box another friend that i love like a sister just told me she didn t want to be my friend anymore either today and she blocked me on social media while i was sad and crying i ended up dming the person i love about why everyone is leaving me i shouldn t have done that and he ended up blocking me then i went on skype and i acidentally sent an invite i was planning on doing that months from now not today now i feel like everyone i love is gone as my other best friend is also gone aside from the one i loved as a sister and my romantic love is gone and i feel like a stalker all ive been doing for thge past few hours is checking what medications i have here would kill me painlessly but the ones that would kill me will just make me die painfully i m not sure what to do,1
i m an incompetent dumbass everyone i know knows thisyou should know to,1
just got another rejection letter been unemployed most of the last 7 years getting close to insanity today the office at which i currently volunteer for a mandatory work program in the state another story know a lot of people have my foot in the door know the president and founder of the company and enjoy working at sent me a rejection email today i was expecting to be hired honestlyno matter what i do i get turned down over 15 years of customer service experience a college degree which as time goes on i realize was a waste of money employers don t care about your resume your experience or your parttime presence at their company now they don t care if you have your foot in the door and do an excellent job when you re there they don t care about your excellent references or your really good cover letteri ve never felt closer to a mental breakdown my whole life i ve been thinking of different things i could do to force change in my life but guaranteed it would land me in a mental hospital for a while and physically injured and then most likely i d get out and still be unemployedhe has no idea how badly he screwed me today but now i hear the death rattle of my career and my livelihood and if i m not done i m very close to being done,1
i am planning my death i don t know exactly why i write it here i don t really think i can get much help but i just i really want to tell someone about how i feel at the moment and well i guess here is my only placeso basically i am planning my death i am planning when i want to die how i want to die thinking about how i make sure professionals will find my death body and not my family i am thinking about how i should spend my last money and what i should leave for the funeral i am thinking about getting rid of everything i don t want people to see about me thinking about canceling everything in my life before i actually cancel my lifein some sense i sort of want to live but i just have to accept that i really don t like i kinda like somethings about life somethings are okay but it doesn t matter because most of my life i don t feel any happiness at all most of my life most of my days i only feel lonely and sad about being lonely i will soon turn 23 and i have like nobody i speak with i en general have no friends in my life i sometimes have friends in a short period of time but everytime i start to talk with people for a period of time they disappear i must really be a horrible person like really truly a worthless loser and there is no reason i should stay alive like i have thought alot about maybe i could just be happy alone just be happy never speaking to people but i must accept that it will never happen i can never be happy alone and isolatedat the moment i keep thinking about how insanely easy it will be to kill myself like right now i have all i need i can screw all preparations i can just go end it all it s so easy but probably also very very painful and unpleasant,1
in and out of crisis trying this hi i was in crisis mode last night and suicidal ideation planning and attempts are a pretty regular part of my life i ve never used a chat hotline or anything before so while i feel a little better today i m seeing how this goes i hope that s ok i had a tough session in therapy yesterday and am experiencing many rapid swings in state emergency services where i am are retraumatizing and not welcome right now i am on meds just processing a lot of feels right now,1
studied hard for an engineering exam thought i had it totally failed it what we did in class was not rappresentative of what was going to be at the exam the professor even skipped parts of the program there was stuff i had never seen asked that required knowledge way outside of this field yet because i m in an extremely competitive university most of my classmates will probably pass and i m going to look like a complete moron even though i busted my ass this whole summer to try to pass it i can t deal with this anymore i have gone trough this feeling too many times i am panicking hard and i don t want to live anymore we have no guns here i m considering just sticking a knife in my heart and be done,1
what to do next i m 19 years old i just graduated high school in the spring i have struggled with depression on and off since 2010 but since spring of 2016 my life has been in a downward spiral august 2016 i moved out of my parents house two days before the start of my senior year of high school i spent all of that school year commuting 1hr plus to school all the while working full time to pay for somewhere i could live my grades suffered and when the time to apply to colleges came around i was left with one place that would take me and it was the school i least wanted to attend i sucked it up the rest of the school year and enrolled in summer courses at said college but i never attended a single class i just took advantage of the free counseling for students the psychologist there diagnosed me with borderline personality and major depressive disorder i came clean about the diagnosis to my parents and asked for their help i deferred my fall admission to the winter to take some time off and get right but just this morning my parents with two police officers at their sides kicked me out based on fear that i was going to be violent i have little money left because i spent it to enroll in summer classes no job no car and no place to go i tried to hang myself earlier today but i couldn t bring myself to fully commit ,1
i just wanted someone to hear me no one believes i ll do it last time he told me to drink bleach if i was serious i found a better less violent way no mess i ll just fall right to sleep gnight,1
44 years old and i can t handle aging so i m vain i used to be very pretty and now i see my body changing and it depresses me so much i don t have a job so it s not like i can make money to change my body back to its former glory i could try exercising and dieting but again you need money to eat right i do walk 8000 to 10000 steps a day but it hasn t done anything for my body i ve had a good life though i opened a successful boutique which then went under due to long term street construction i did well as a model and even as a vet assistant i play violin and draw better than average but not so well that i can make a career out of my talentsbelieve me i ve tried i can t hold down a vanilla job and have been fired so many times due to my lack of people skills i really have a hard time with authority figures and corporate politics i just can t play the game to get ahead i ve had so many traumatic jobs where my boss would either verbally or sexually harass me or sabotage and steal my work i m just tired and i feel guilty for living and making my husband support me i never chose to be born and i have no idea why i was even brought into this world i ve always felt bewildered by human beings and life in general i just want to leave my aging physical body and not have to worry about superficial material things anymore i can t stand the fact that i have to tolerate a job to make money to live out my days aging i ve tried so many diets and body hacks to change my body nothing works in fact any real hardcore exercise makes me gain weight because my adrenals are so worn out i went temporarily blind on a raw vegan diet i don t know how some women can stay so beautiful and young looking their techniques just don t work on me part of me wants to fight this voice that lulls me into committing suicide part of me says there are ways to change my body and that god wouldn t give me this body to hate it there is a way for me to make some kind of supportive income so i don t have to rely on my husband hope is so seductive maybe i can find a way to fix this life and somehow enjoy it again wouldn t that be nice thanks for reading this i appreciate your time i hope you re not considering ending your physical existence there must be a reason we are encouraged to live our lives out as fully as we can there must be a reason why suffering happens the tiredness has to stop because i choose to make it go away life really is dictated by our thoughts so the more i wallow in this misery the more i create it that s how it works and it sucks because it s really easy for me to just surrender to the misery and live in the pit it feels so familiar to be miserable because i could blame my father for beating me as a kid i could give into the misery of surviving several sexual assaults when i was a little girl no one would question why i decided to end my life i won t kill myself today because i decided to hang on to the hope that i can change my body for the better and find a way to make a decent income it s out of curiosity to see how my life will turn out i can always kill myself if it gets really bad i always have that choice,1
i desperately need help so my mom has been addicted to opioids for years now she went to rehab 4 or 5 years ago and only stayed for 5 days mind you that the rehab she went to had a rule that once you admit yourself in youbuave to stay for 5 days once you stay 5 days you can leave and discharge yourself when you want wellmy mom didnt like being sober and left on the fifth day so she didnt get the help she needed years have passed and she s still addicted to the opioids she continually buys them off her friends and the street soon after she began taking my dad s medication for his bipolar anxiety and depression it got so bad to the point to where my mom would blow all her money on opioids and my dad would have to suffer because they couldnt buget their money as an adult unit to pay for my dad s meds so he was off his meds for a while she then began to take my 10 year old little sister s medication for her adhd focalin for a whole month and my sister suffered from that my relationship with my mom began to deteriorate very quickly as my dad became moody and emotional as my mom was the bearer of bad news that she wants to divorce my dad because she isn t in love with him anymore not to mention that she tells my friends at work we work for the same company that she thinks that i hate her and that it s hard to be married to someone with bipolar there are very many little factors that go along with this story but i am just absolutely depressed over this might i add that i have stopped my father from committing suicide several times over this and my mom is to kill herself because she has been taking such high doses of different opioids i am scared for both of them i love them both dearly and i would hate for anything to happen but this is totally out of control i am nothing but a 16 year old girl with no power over anything of the hardest things that i know will happen is that im going to have to move with my dad to texas because that s where his mom and brother lives and i ll have to leave everything behind everything i ve ever knownin this small town of white house tennessee i m going to miss everyone and everything my best friend the mosthe s always been there for me he s my soulmate i m going to feel incomplete without him im depressed im hurting everything is crashing all around my feet i feel alone i have no help no one to tell this to im on the verge of killing myself i dont know what to do i think that it is safe to say that i have finally reached an all time low,1
im letting my body die i am sad i didn t realise i was here i m on so much medication i hate medication i m struggling to take it and even when i do it s not at the right time or consistent i don t even know if it does actually help as i can t take it when i should i haven t slept properly for days i took this morning off and then still didn t sleep i m not drinking enough water i know this my kidneys are radiating pain around my back up my side down through my hips and into my upper thighs i have had kidney pain for over a week it s getting bad now and yet i can t bring myself to drink water i have never drunk enough what good would it do now anyway i m physically sore now not just in my thoughts i match it feels right and i feel like me i deserve this this is me i get that some people have low selfesteem and that leads them to feeling this way but i don t think i have low selfesteem i actually quite alright i just rightly and correctly acknowledge that i am a piece of shit i get that and it must be true because i don t have low selfesteem my logic is not logical i get that but i still believe it i don t even think i believe it i just know it to be truei get like this i won t eat if i m sad i ll want it but it s either too difficult or i don t need it anyway i don t deserve it i ll get sad i won t sleep i won t eat my body hurts i get cold i burn myself in the shower i wait a few days it will pass i ve never felt this bad in my kidneys before i m simultaneously scared i may actually be hurting myself and relieved that maybe this will be it maybe i ll pass without anyone knowing i wanted it maybe not even me i m not worried about dying i m worried about irreparable damage and then not dying and then here i am posting in this sub not sure if i m asking for help or just don t want to be alone i don t know pain being gone is good just don t see a way therei have an apt with my gp and then psychiatrist in 2 days i know i just have to wait til then hopefully they ll see how it is without any need to say it,1
i need someone to hear me i don t even know what i need people to hear i don t have anyone to talk to no one to reach out to no one to hear mei feel like i have a ball of hot lead in my chest burning me from the moment i wake till the moment i fall asleep i would say im angry but that isn t the right word if i let my guard down for even a split second my hands shake with rage im so tired of being angryangry at the world angry at the people i see angry at my job angry at my bosses angry at my family angry at my friends angry at my selfi know i have a good life i know i do i have a decent job making decent money i drive a nice car that im paying for myself i live in a nice home in a safe neighborhood i have access to clean water and food i know objectivly that i live way better than most humans on this planet that being saidi hate my life i never asked to be born if i could have i would have passed on the whole fucking thing i don t want to be here so far as i can tell life is nothing but lonely misserable pain i never asked for this i never wanted this i don t need any of thisas far back as i can remember no one not any friend colleague nor familly memeber has ever looked me in the eye and really asked me are you ok my phone doesnt ring people don t want to talk to me people don t look for me people don t care about mei think about killing myself every day i want to kill myself im done living im done fighting for my meager existancelet me take a moment part of what adds to my frustration and anger at my self is that last sentence fighting for my meager existance as ive stated before i know that i have a good life i really do and i should be gratefull and happy but im not and that just makes me even more enraged fuck i hate all of it and i don t even know whythe only reason i havn t killed myself is because of my mother she created and raised me putting forth all the time money and effort i can t repay all that by just ending my life that being said what she doesn t know can t hurt her and after she dies im gone all my other familly fucked off to other places that i can t get to none of them have called me for any reason in yearswhat does it feel like to have people love you what does it feel like to see that your friend is calling you just to talk what does it feel like to have some one tell you they love you to your face what does it feel like to hold a lover in your arms what does it feel like to have someone stop by just to see if you re ok because i havn t heard from you in a few daysi am alone i have never formed a genuine connection with anyone not my mother not my closest friend no one i feel weak and pathetic i feel like an oversensative piece of shit that just can t handle thingsi want to cry untill i can t see i want to scream untill i can t breath and pass out i want my friends to call me i want my familly to care about me i want my job to not feel like slavery i want to fuck a beautiful person i want to race my car i want to practice martial arts i want to dreami don t want to be alive any more im done being angry frustrated and ignorant im so confused and conflicted about so very many different things i feel like all i truly understand is hate rage anger frustration fear anxiety and sorrowwhat does love feel like what does happiness feel like what does it feel like to be content whats it like with no stress what does it feel like to have no hot ball of lead burning away inside your chest blackening your flesh and buring all emotions awayno one has ever really listened to me no one can tell me how to fix my problems but i know of one solutioni can kill my selfno more anger no more frustratiion no more pain no more lonliness no more confusion no more fighting no more hate no more anything no more just no moreall of it gone forever i don t know what im alive why do i keep trying why do i keep fighting so i can keep paying my bills keep being rejected by every woman i have every persued keep fighting my own way of thinking just to people will think im normalthe futility of life is immense and insurmountable i don t get it i really have nothing nothing of substance nothin that makes me happyi have nothing i am nothing i want to die i want to kill myselfat this point it feels like im keeping myself alive out of some sort of habit or compulsion like how you can hold your breath but ultimatly your going to breath again but in some strange way i can feel my will to live seeping out of me i m so confused and scared and lonely i don t know who i am what i want or where im going i am not exactly an objective observer but to me i feel like this just reads like the inept rantings of some weak willed nothingcan you hear me hearing can you comprehend comprehending can you help mesomeone anyone please,1
pointless life anyone want to discuss how life is just pointless and doesn t mean shit,1
a ridiculous story about our virginity this is a very weird and unbelievable story but that s because it will lack context in a way and that s because i have to censor a certain important detail of this story my story is actually longer than this so it s shortened i ve always dreamt of having a relationship and having sex i dreamt of having sex every day and night at age 10 i already had weird fantasies and such i was always attracted to fictional characters and dreamt of them a lot so at age 15 almost 16 when it was valentinesday i got a partner i was happy but i had to really focus on her in my life she needed me in a way i was so busy it was so hard to love her but i did my best to this day i d still take a bullet for her she s so important that i choose to suffer with her remember that because that ll be relevant later also i ll explain what it means first when she can t go to a restaurant with me i just won t go when i step on her feet accidentally i step on mine when it s raining and i know she s outside not protected from the rain i won t protect my self from the rain either it s just things like that so we didn t have sex until later in our relationship because i just wasted for the right moment when we re both fully sexually mature so when we re fully grown it was only limited to me fingering her giving her oral and me receiving oral it s fun but it did miss something i didn t think much of it we ll have piv sex some day we both weren t really ready for it as it s a bit too intense for the both of us doesn t matter we ll just have other sexual contact in the mean time yes i was super optimistic about it i was 100 sure that it would happen some day and honestly i m more of a pessimist always i expect the worst but i put all my optimism in this because i was excited for it life went fine in a way i had minor depressions and sometimes small mental breakdowns and such sometimes i tried having sex with her but it just couldn t work that s when the bad evening hit i was envious of others and i was seriously pissed life was sometimes hard for me in a way and i ve had a bit of a trauma in the past and i think this was the last straw in a way i became very depressed that evening but i still had a lot of optimism i ve asked for advice and tried it that evening she was really into it i failed like usual the problem is my dick is too big for her or rather i hate to say it because it seems like i m blaming her body but her vagina just happens to be really small i don t even have a big sized dick i think not that i ever wanted a big dick anyways for me that always seemed like an useless achievement that night she really didn t like the fact that i couldn t do it i felt ashamed and felt sad for the both of us she was really pushy for me to try it again but i just wanted to sleep slowly my optimism drained quickly during these months i don t know the name of my depression but apparently it worsens over time and we both feel it i also became more envious everytime i failed i just had some kind of mental breakdown i was crying so much during these months i also got more and more information because i ve asked others they were all nice and trying to be helpful but their behavior towards me changed they started insulting me because of how absolutely ridiculous this was they were mad at me and they have emotionally hurt me so much i have never felt so bad in my life i swear i am still filled with hatred what they said i depended on a guy because he tried to help me like he said but at the end of every message he said well i got to go now there s an angel waiting in my bedroom this his way of saying i have what you don t hahaha i begged for him to stop but i depended on him so i still tried to listen yet he kept doing it until i blocked him nobody had hurt me so much in my life not even my mother who is absolutely horrible to everyone in the house really it s worse than you think it is everyday i think of him i have never been so hurt by anything i would prefer to be stabbed or even raped i genuinely felt suicidal because of him i can t take it why do all the bad humans get the good things i ve never done anything wrong trough all these months i have been trying everything i could yet a whole group told me i don t even deserve it i am so fucking envious of him i d do but hurt my girl to be in his situation there s also one thing i have to live with my girl will die of a disease she has in a few years that means i will live longer than her even if they admitted it was gross of them to say they told me to wait to have sex for my next partner but that s not even my goal it s my goal to have sex with her not anyone else even if you gave me the hottest partner i would decline not even for infinite money i am envious of every couple i see as i know 100 they can have sex i get pissed by every time sex gets mentioned i get more depressed every day this is important i also do this for her this isn t just lust i want her to experience it too that s why i will never have sex with anyone else remember this whole i suffer with her thing if she dies a virgin i will too that said when she dies i ll end myself every other couple can do this together yet we can t that alone may have just triggered this whole thing sex is special it s something you just don t miss in your life time and think about it dying a virgin is probably one of the worst things to ever happen you ll miss out on something that many couples do together for fun so much we only have one life and missing this is just so sad nobody deserves this fate absolutely no one i really do not see her as a sex object i love every part of her her personality her body her movements her everything it s just that i m hit with these curses first we can t have sex together second for some reason sex is important to us especially to me the most my depression is really serious i have become aggressive and don t enjoy anything anymore absolutely if you re still confused why it s so important sometimes you just think something is important there s a lot of humans who will tell you this when your animal dies it s just an animal get a new one it s kind of like this we all value different things and let me remind you it s done against our will i honestly don t want to leave my girl alone in this world but if i found a gun the urge to end myself immediately would be great i really care for her but my life feels so shit and unlucky that i can t take it anymore i ve always been paranoid and fearful so i don t dare to kill myself in another way i just wish we could both have our moment just once if we had it just once i ll be grateful forever that is all i want surgery won t work because she doesn t want to be changed as she s afraid of it and i myself have no idea how to even have such a surgery happen to myself and one thing i can t tell anyone about this about everything i just said i mean she isn t mentally ill as proven by the doctors here yet it s still in the files because there was a mistake it had something to do with her disease that ll kill her in a few years according to a very strict law in where i live i am not allowed to have sex with her nor be in a relationship with her i am just sick of life i just want us to have our happy little moment that s all my goal is so fucking simple yet i don t get it even though i spent so much energy optimism and time into it yet everyone else does it effortlessly i am no longer optimistic and i hate absolutely every human i don t really want to live any more i just i just wanted that one minute of easy happiness together that is all just because all of this i have a worsening depression ruining both of our lives it affects my whole mind it feels like it affects my intelligence i lose the ability to read sometimes even i go crazy from time to time i am suicidal because of our lack of quality in our lives please let me make something sure again i m not a selfish fuck who s just horny that said this also affected my libido i lost the interest in sex for a while completely i don t even try having sex with her any more we re beating a dead horse i care about her in a nonsexual way it s just unfortunate for me that it holds so much value to me and if we ever had sex i wouldn t even care if i never had sex again i just want the experience with her and that s it i want us both to experience it she needs to enjoy it and i will but no just like everything in life luck fucks me over sounds edgy and kind of makes you cringe but if luck was a human i d do everything to torture this piece of shit we don t deserve this i was happy and optimistic once ,1
struggling a bit if i were more rational i think i would be in a better place right now i go to a toptier school and i m on track to finish my degree in a year despite these accomplishments i still feel like an utter failure i don t enjoy my majors and i feel as if i m living a life that has been projected onto me i m asian american and while i can go on longwinded tangents on how much i think the model minority myth is bullshit i still feel ridiculously burdened and pressured by it i don t have a great relationship with my parents but i still have that desperate need to obtain a certain success that is by their terms i am successful by their terms but for this i ve sacrificed my mental health happiness social life and so many experiences that i can t relive as a caveat i have been suicidal in the past while i am struggling right now i certainly am not at my lowest point i got a bit drunk after hearing about daca and am just a crumpled up napkin of a mess right now ,1
just need to write this i don t know what to do anymore i feel empty and inside such a dark place in my head i have no one to talk to i am truly all alone i lost the one friend i had and it fucking sucks on top of that i did a shitty thing and all it does is eat away at me but i can t confront it because i m a fucking coward and i know it ll only damage the person i feel like i m at a dead end and i don t know what the hell to do next haha it ll get better i mean after 6 or so years of feeling this way i can attest to the fact that it probably won t thanks for reading this if anyone did ,1
planning on ending it all i m a 20 year old bisexual woman who has autism bipolar gad and adhd i m also a hardcore maladaptive daydreamer on top of all that i have very low selfesteemtonight i m planning on choking myself with a belt i have a suicide note already written to my family and i m going to write some for my friends as well i can t go to the hospital because my family can t afford it my parents can t really help me because their first reaction is either send her to the hospital which they never follow through with or we don t have the money for a funeral so i m pretty much screwed when it comes to getting immediate helpplease somebody give me reason to live life just keeps getting worse whether it affects me or not i can t take it anymore ,1
no i don t want to go on firstly i want to apologize for my english skill there and every thoughti m afraid it will be a shitpost but now now my head is a mess too everything get the worst it could it is the end of the day i was online i think the whole day checking my ex s account waiting for a miracle maybe recently she showed the signs she misses me very much added my music now deleted i saw her in school yesterday eye contact first time in 3 months it was an abusive and horrible relationship for me but after a month of nocontact i still can t move on all my online actions are connected with her i m going insane it s very obsessive and and i just remembered everything everything that happened in the last 5 months i think i have two large posts about it there but it doesn t really matter now i just feel it i should go no regrets already this state of mind messywhat are the problems ok so i m 17 year old transgender female on diy hrt in a homophobic and dangerous country environment i tried i fought i remember my suicidal thoughts from the age of 10 or younger alcoholic abusive father now i m 20 days living with mom in another flat again was in my whole childhood my grandmother is kind of crazy hates my father believes in everything she had read or saw it s really insane all my childhood i was scared of all these supernatural things she told me it was about my father too he s probably bipolar incredible stress and hopelessness my brother has bipolar disorder too officially he attempted suicide 2 years ago i have just found out that my mother isn t that scary but she s very i don t know how to name it but i can tell if i couldn t do my homework because of totally messed mind crying near her one day she stabbed me with a pencil in an arm because of it if i don t do something she wants about the education she makes hell for me total restriction physical beating with everything she has in her hands it was ok but now the school year started and it begins again i can t take this pressure she says how bad and lazy i am doing nothing but i just can t i don t have any energy i m drained i m fighting in the night with the thoughts it s unbearable also now my teacher hates me and threaten me because of my hair i have to cut it off completely just shave this thing that makes me a bit happy yeah i know these problems may seem very easy and not worthing any attention but it hits me with its full strength pressure from all the sides socialization school relationships familythat s all i m so messed up i don t know what to believe what to do to relieve this emotional pain i m too anxious just to go outside i begin sweating and trembling therethe school demands incredible effort in training for exams every teacher hates me wants me to do my best i had a psychologist watching me last year my mom says what an useless shit i am everyday i have a lot of deadlines and again everybody hate me i just can t have this look because boys are not allowed to wear long hair there the individuality drives this teacher crazy and the laws are on their side i guess and i can t do anything about it i just want to stop just to stop it i want a relief i don t want to diebut now i cut literally every day wrists thighs it helps me a bit and just to think one minute about it why to hold on for what i know i will disappoint my mother she will be i don t want to think about it it makes me feel worse but tomorrow i ll be alone at home after school for 8 hours maybe it s the time to go i want to try more in this life though oh i haven t done anything i wanted recently i want to leave some track mark about me i want everybody in the school to know about my disappearance my ex will know too i don t know what pushes me the most but i guess i ll start planning soon i can t take it anymore thanks or reading this trash maybe i m in a very low state again,1
so tired of being depressed a few times a week i get so tired of being depressed that i just want to kill myself this is one of those moments i hate seeing people happy especially couples all of my relationships have ended terribly with me cowing in fear at my abusive ex after i finally couldn t take any more and broke up with themi know i m not supposed to derive my happiness from another person but i feel so lost i was miserable with my ex and i m miserable without her i hate her actually i ve been miserable this entire year i m still relatively young but i m wasting whatever youth i have left i have a few friends but i feel like i will just bring them down if i spend time with them i want to go out and do more social things but i feel crippled by anxiety i can t afford a therapist i live in a foreign country and if i returned to the usa i d have to live with my parentsthis feeling will pass and come back later i just want to die right now,1
nothing can fix me i just want to take my pills and sleep forever i m so tired of failing at everything my fianc left me i had to move back home my family doesn t understand and my mom looked at me like i was crazy when i told her that i think i needed to be admitted what s the point of fighting the demon anymore when i can tell you exactly how many pills i have in that bottle,1
i wish i was never born my one and only wish for the rest of my eternity on this ball of shit called earth humans should stop breeding,1
preparing i m thinking of starting a countdown solving what has to be solved and being able to go,1
the temptation was very real today i decided to have a bath today which happened to coincide with a breakdown i cut myself in the bath wanting it to go deep i decided againt my wrists because of the thought of my mum wanting to have a bath and breaking down having to look at where i died,1
please don t remove this i owe about 125k in student loans with private loans with no hope of paying them off i plan to end it all by jumping from a height foreword why did you remove this the first timei plan on giving this letter to the front desk person of the building that i plan to jump offto whom it may concernthis letter is for any front desk personnel when your staff recovers my body donate my organs to anyone needing them also donate other parts of my body to science nobody is to cremate my remains after scientific entities are finished with my bodyi have left hair samples dna samples with which to clone two copies of me when the science of human cloning maturesi am too deep in student loan debts about 60000 in private loans alone and 125000130000 in total student loans after interest as of august 2017 and with no hope of paying them off so i am planning to end my life by going to the rooftop and jumping offin the unlikely event that this letter finds a benefactor while i m still alive my bank routing number is 101101293 and bank account number is 511030355no lawyer in town will take on a bankruptcy case for my student loans it is possible in some circumstances to discharge student loans in bankruptcy student loan bankruptcy cases are however more complex i would not have the money for a lawyer anyway so i would have needed a probono lawyer in this casethere is no incomebased repayment for private loans the minimum payments are so high i would become homeless from being forced to make themit appears that no amount of prayers will bring a miracle to this situationmy body is not to get cremated only buried my government disability status should entitle me to a funeral and burial paid for by the government should you lose my hair samples feel free to exhume my body to extract further dna samples when it is almost cloning timemy clones are not to be developed straight to the growth stage of adulthood but to start at the growth stage of about 5 years old if growth stage acceleration is possible otherwise the clones may be born the normal way or through an artificial womb if need be my clones are to be taught never to take out student loans but instead work and save up for community collegei m so sorry that i went in way over my head hoping that my life would succeed to where i d pay off these loans somehow and that my life has failed miserablyregrettably,1
i just attempted to drown myself just now i sent out a suicide letter to my family i had my mind made up and went to drown myself at a lake in my neighborhood i thought that if i inhaled water as soon as i went under that it would not take very long for me to lose consciousness i must have done something wrong because i was under for what felt like an eternity and tried to take in as much water as possible i started to struggle for air and held on to some branches in the water in order to stay under the lake was way more shallow than i assumed i was literally fighting with my survival instinct and as i lost feeling and started to slip away my head came out of the water and i coughed up a lot of water i lost feeling in my arms and hands and my head automatically came up if it was deeper i think i wouldn t be here right now that was about an hour ago and i have not been able to stop coughing since my chest feels terrible the sad part about all of this is that i am upset that i wasn t successful ,1
i wish i had the guts to just end it myself but every time i think about doing it it s just too much to think about it i m not quite at the point where i ll do it but i don t want to ever be at that point again,1
my crippling fear of the dark is a burden having a fear of the dark is childish because only children are scared of the dark but i am sick and tired ive always had a fear of the dark as a child it was very bad but as i got older it settled down a bit but i couldnt be in a dark room without freaking out but i could sleep in one but not so recently the fear has come back and its worse as a child i would keep the door open but now i sleep with all my lights on i always feel like im being watched being followed ive never been stalked in my life so its not related to a traumatic past i always look behind me or see things in the light or dark that i think is going to kill me it is unberable i cannot live like this i cannot live cooped up in my house with all the lights on 247 i also live with my parents because i simply cannot be left alone otherwise id have a major panic attack but my parents call me childishstupid and say dont be an idiot it hurts i cannot live normally like this and they wont even help me its driving me insane i just want to die to end it all just imagine having something always in the corner of your eye taunting you if i dont kill myself whatever is following me is i dont believe in ghosts but i no longer sleep i just stay up with my lights on i cant do it anymore i just cant no one takes me seriously when i told my friend she just laughed at me realised i was being serious but still wasnt 100 genuine all i think is ending mine or someone elses life i need helo but id rather just die i dont think what im going to do tomorrow i just think if id finally have the balls to kill myself,1
ugh why the fuck does she keep doing this like no lie i d rather get bit by a black widow what,1
i always get downvoted on reddit no matter what i post or comment i ve deleted most of my posts and comments that have less than 1 point because they re embarrassing but they happened people have downvoted me everyone hates me and wants me to die,1
i m not good at titles i can t describe how i feel it s like i can t figure out whether or not this is an emotion or pattern of thinking or what the world seems like a cruel joke right now and all the happiness and hope that we tend to cling onto seems at best meaningless it s fake i can t tell whether or not i m the one deluded with extreme negativity or if i m truly seeing the world in an honest light and those who believe things can get better are wrong it s like everything is ridiculously insignificant i feel like nothing matters there s no point and i m not capable of doing anything to change at least not for the long run nothing that would last or have a substantial effect on my life i certainly don t want to live but dying isn t an option i just feel trapped and lost ,1
you never know what it felt like being in their shoes and i m getting tired of hearing such excuses i m getting sick and really tired from understanding people that pushed me way too fari have done nothing with my life for far too long and people tell me that it will always be your fault because you never did anything when you fell down you need to get back up no matter the consequences be it your fault or theirs so therefore its your loss in the long run when in reality i ve lost alot in trying to catch up majority of real life people i talked to always tell me that just try and understand the people that you are with and know that they are suffering like you but under different circumstances heck my brother just realized how hard my life was before and up to now and how i carried everything when he went off to places he went all apologizing to me despite me losing everything my parents just realized this year the gravity of their mistake and they are willing to send me back when my projects and what was suppose to be for my cv and portfolios are finally ruined despite the numerous warnings i gave them of how it will damage me in the long run and the the very confusing state of things my parents are heavily threatening me of being send to god knows where where there is literally death and isolation just to teach me a lesson in trying to get along with people and learn how to kiss a just to get to places and put the blame solely on me if ever that does happened i d gladly embrace death with open arms heck the list of shit people did to melied to stabbed in the back they even borrowed money to which they never paid insulted at and even straight up created rumors and spread secrets just to get what they wanted even made fun and it bordered into bullying the hobbies that i had and even being told that people have been telling me that i m not as strong as i claimedwhich is not true myself to be fuck and this is the reason why i enjoy the company of animals more than people ,1
i just want to stop being ghosted i get it i m just some pathetic annoying piece of shit but please at least tell me so i m not as sad i get left on read or see that i can t message the person anymore and it fucking defeats me it puts me in such a sad depressed suicidal mood i just want to end it all when it happens even worse when you see the person talking in a group chat and doesn t even bother to message you back i understand that i sound like a selfish person but please i m begging you if you no longer want to talk tell me it will makes things so much easier but instead you leave me on read and make me want to die even more than i usually do,1
i m just ready to die at this point i m 16 i drink heavily ever since haley left me i actually loved her but school rumors were spread and she had to move i moved to mississippi away from my step dad and i let her in and her dad took her away i haven t been able to hold a relationship since i almost died in my sleep because i threw up but i was side ways i just want to die i m too much of a pussy to do it myself i don t know how i ve lasted this long but i m gonna snap within these few months every human has a breaking point and mines nearing i ll post my moms number when i am going to do it,1
couple failed attempts exit bag planned long read i don t know where to startmy dad died suddenly when i was 19 we d had a few rocky years like i m sure a lot of people have but thankfully the last few months before he died we d reconciled it still hurts 21 years later not a day goes by where i don t wish he was here for a long time i dreamt about him we would be at a baseball game together he would say he was going to get some hotdogs for us and start up the stairs the vendor would come by i d turn and yell to him he would look back at me and keep walking he d never return i had that dream 25 time a year for quite a few years until recently i had a messy divorce at 30 apparently i was drunk and got violent one night no recollection of the event was arrested for felony evading with a vehicle ex was kind hearted and did not pursue charges for dv wrote the judge explaining i was am suffering from mental illness and preferred treatment over jail i did 2 years of probation paid some fines and moved on a year later i met a girl who i fell instantaneously deeply and madly in love with we had great chemistry and about a year later ended up pregnant and married my love for herand our new son grew daily i still suffered from depression but it wasn t caused by her we moved had some additional stresses and she told me she wanted to divorce we reconciled after a few tough months did some therapy together patched it up and moved on bought a house got better jobs had a daughter 5 years later she s filed for divorce and is proceeding with it this time counseling not an option doesn t want to work on things determined to be divorced she states she hasn t been happy for years and that we ve become different people who are better apart i don t feel like any of that is true but she will not change her mind i certainly played my part over the last few years losing the balance between work and home not getting some help with the stress of life finances etc nothing people haven t gone through and come out of before to say i am beyond devastated would be a massive improvement i tried living with some friends that didn t help it led me to my first attempt i had read a bunch of forums and blogs and decided i wanted to go peacefully and in tact i didn t want to burden my friends with the clean up or trauma of doing it in their home i sat in my car and slit both my wrists the long way not the help me way it was a lot harder even with a very sharp knife than i thought but i did manage a bit of blood out one of them however i came to realize why the warm bath is needed to keep the body from doing its thing and the blood congealing so i was found by my friend and taken involuntarily to a hospital by police in the hospital i tried twice to asphyxiate myself with no luck something about them wanting people to get better i was prescribed some additional meds dosages changed reluctantly released after 9 days and now sent 1500 miles away to live with relatives and get healed up work on myself i haven t seen the kids in 3 weeks minimal contact from my wife seemingly very little concern but whatever my kids are almost 9 and 45 years old i cherish them more than anything i grew up with divorced parents and step parents on both sides i still to this day have resentment and hatred for my step mother i blame her for the relationship between my father and i deteriorating the thought of another man holding my daughter playing with my son any involvement whatsoever makes my heart race and my body flash with intense heat nevermind with my wife the few times i had seen them after we separated was not a happy time for me instead i was miserable and hurt and reminded that we were not a unit anymore unable to enjoy their company my kids get what s going on and we always cried when i left to go to my new home my daughter wonders when i will come back to her home it tears me up thinking about it i ve been wishing and hoping for an accident a heart attack crazy gun wielding psycho for a few weeks no luck pills seem messy and hit or miss at best gun or jumping is out again due to the idea of wanting to be in tact then i stumbled upon the exit baghelium method i m planning on doing that sometime in the near future the bag can be easily made i can get a tank of helium and a hose for 20 and then it s about finding a placetime to do it go to sleep basically i know my wife will be devastated as will the kids and the rest of my family but i really feel like leaving now is better than what i know the future will be like it s unbearable to me missing out on the daily routines split holidays child support not coming home to them rushing me at the door saying daddy that was always the prize at the end of the day i m not looking for support or empathy or to be talked down i just wanted to get this off my chest somewhere ,1
why shouldn t i just end my life i m just using a burner account and i m sorry i ve been thinking of suicide for about 12 years now i have been thinking that i d be okay with dying i don t have a love interest going for me no job no responsibilitiesi have only 2 friends really both seem to have a lot going for their lives like jobs love interests academic success i ve always been the loser of the group or really a loser in general physically i m disproportionate i have a sharp face and really skinny body that makes me unattractiveugly and undateable trust me i ve tried for 2 years with as much confidence as possible i can t hold a simple job i panick and mess everything up academically i ve had minimum success and other people often use me to their advantage i lie to other people to cover how boring and uninteresting i am and i put a fake smile on everyday to hide how worthless of a person i am any pride from even the smallest achievements have been overseen or overshadowed like anything i ever do is worthlessthe only thing thats been keeping me going is the thought of my family however my family has lost a lot of people before and they ve often moved on quickly i wouldn t be any different really even if killing myself hurts my family it wouldn t affect me in the afterlife i know that sounds selfish but i m hurting and it stopped bothering me people always say to me look to the future but all i see in my future is bleakness boring unsucessful and unfilfilling life the future doesn t even look like its worth seeing nothing interests me my life is boring and has no meaning and i just want it to be over i could just end my life and nobody would bat an eye at this point i don t see a reason why not im not loved and i don t think i ever will be ,1
i really want a therapist to just sort the things out that i have going on in my mindbut they are so expensive that it s not worth it_ _ hey i m sorry that the financial investment in therapy makes that a tough option for you right now i m glad you ve reached out here though and i d love to talk about things if you want to what are some of the things going on in your mind,1
pondering the end i have anxiety and severe depression i have been on a self destructive path for 2 months now since my break up we were of two different lives we drank daily she got offered a position monfri in which she didnt have to drink daily i continued that tradition solo now i ruined it all aa doesnt help because it doesnt rid my pain of her being gone she was my everything and since she left i made sure not intentionally that her and her family would never be back in my life it was my only solution thanks to alcohol now ive sought help everywhere i havent drank in a week but she is going out friday night with her friends she will have no problem meeting anyone meanwhile im stuck in the dark pits of depression i can hang on til friday sure but come friday i think a big bottle of booze and pills this time i wont let anyone know where i am or what im doingbut she will find out when my body is found but if she comes on here i want her to know that this isnt her fault its my fault it s my fault i created this path for us she is my soul mate and i dont have the patience to find the proper help i dont have the patience to better myself without her and were both mental health workers its fucked but anyways ive never posted her but have found calm in reading others stories peace ,1
everything hurts and theres nothing i can do about it in 2014 i got a really bad concussion at a water park with my younger sister ever since then i got really bad migraines about everyday when i got home from school we went to the doctor and they said i have chronic migraine syndrome you can look it up if you dont know what it is so they gave me medicine for my migraines and nothing works ive been in and out of the hospital a lot of times they tell me to try all different kinds of things and nothing works i feel hopeless they have put me on home bound all last year and i thought i would be able to go back this year but my migraines started up again so my put me on home bound until christmas i feel so alone and isolated at this point i stopped taking my anxiety pills because even if i take them i still get migraines and my anxiety is still there ive told my mom countless times i need something stronger but she refuses because ill get addicted to something and i understand that but i really need something stronger my anxiety at this point is making me so depressed i cant handle it ive had to even steal pills from my mom when my migraines get too bad and i cant handle it all my friends dont talk to me anymore and call me hopeless and that ill never get better so there is no point in us being friends im so sick of everything the pain the isolation my anxiety its all to much and i know i cant kill myself the only reason im still alive is because of my sister the thought of leaving her behind makes me sick i just need someone im so alone and i cant talk to my sister she is too young to understand i just want to give up but i cant i feel so trapped i need advice or just someone to tell me im not going crazy i constantly have thoughts of dark things like suicide and what it would be like if my whole family was dead and it was just me and i know this is not normal i need help,1
how long can someone really be expected to feel like this first post here i m desperate i don t want to die but i can t live like this i m just so fucking tired of fighting i m tired of fighting to stay clean fighting to stay healthy and happy lately it seems like a fight just to get out of bed and be a human being is it selfish of me to want to die or is it selfish of everyone else to expect me to keep living like this i feel like an old puzzle that has lost so many pieces over the years that there s no hope for a complete picture anymore i just need to be thrown out ,1
i really want to kill myself for the first time in my life my grandmother committed suicide when she was 45 she was bipolar and she had put her loving husband and 6 children through years of trauma because of her illness they still hate her for it but i get where she was coming fromi m not diagnosed as bipolar but i seem to feel things more than everyone else my sads are very sad my happys are very happy i recently ruined a 7 year relationship with an amazing person because i couldn t get my shit together i have an addictive personality that manifested as an eating disorder i wasn t good to them i hate myself for ruining everything for not being able to be more loving more stable more what they neededi hate myself so much and i don t want to feel this pain any more i am so lonely and i hate everything about my life my friends are superficial i get crushes easily on people who could never reciprocate i had love and i ruined it i have a job that means nothing to anyone except for capitalists who care about money above all else i m not pretty but most of all i m not stable who could ever love someone friend or otherwise who goes through these kind of low periodsmy grandmother committed suicide by hanging herself in a shed it feels like it s my destiny to do something similar i don t want to live with myself any more i don t want to be me i hate who i am everything i am and i just want this crushing pain of selfhatred to end i ll never be anything more than someone with an addictive personality who hurts those they love and can therefore never find or deserve real love it s what my parents were it s how my grandmother ended i hate living like this ,1
i feel like the meaning of life is to end it i m in my first year in uni final trimester i have a beautiful girlfriend who tries her best to understand but i don t know how to explain how painful and crippling every day is i dance in my spare time but lately i feel like an idiot for even picking up something i ll never be good at i hate that school makes me feel stupid i hate that there s toxicity everywhere i hate the fact that i push people away everytime someone tries to be close or be my friend i hate that i know they re talking about me but mostly i hate that i don t think i can ever change my parents ll try to care for a while before totally putting it aside a week or two later they think i can handle it but i can t i tried to jump once but a passerby grabbed me threw me to the floor and saved me sometimes i hate him for doing that i hate myself i try to kid myself and say i m a good person people say that i am my girlfriend says that i am but i know i m not i m the biggest asshole there is the only thing stopping me is knowing that suicide may cause a lot of inconvenience to people who am i kidding they don t care i want to stop hurting and crying every day,1
why won t it end i can t bring myself to do it i just want to never wake up i don t want to wake up tomorrow i don t want to do anything i ve been a miserable failure to everyone who knows me i can t even keep my temper under control every time i snap i bawl my eyes out right after i ve been living in a roller coaster of emotions and it s just so draining nothing seems to be working and nothing is important nothing i do or don t do will be important in the next 100 years not even the next 10 we re just a small speck and i m just a smaller dust particle in the grand scheme of things i m painfully below average and shitty at everything i try to do and idk i m sick of it i try to be better and it never works i m sick of being told i won t amount to anything i know i won t but there s no need to rub it in my facei m sorry for the short ramble i just needed to say something,1
i tried but why couldn t it just work on friday night i tried to hang myself i won t get explicit about details per the rules but after blacking out i woke up on the floor i don t know how much time passed my entire body was shaking and i had the most excruciatingly painful headache i ve ever had it was nothing like anything i had ever experienced in my life before my head is still hurting now and i just want it to go away already my girlfriend told me she doesn t feel in love me anymore because of long distance my depression is getting worse than ever before something s going wrong with my brain and i m struggling in school and i just feel so alone suicide seems like the only option now i m trying to talk to my girlfriend and convince her that we need to work it out and help ourselves but she won t listen to what i have to say i m so close to trying again and i plan on succeeding i ve already got my note typed and printed and signed from friday and i don t know where else to go but here thank you reddit for listening to me when no one else will ,1
should i go inpatient again i was inpatient in may and didn t make use of any of the resources they have me i totally regret iti moved and no longer have those resources i m sure you ve seen me post at least monthly i m not an immediate risk to myself at this very moment but i m going to take time off from school to get betteri worry if i don t do inpatient i ll get bad again and attempt i ve thought about doing it just so i don t have to deal with this process on my own,1
trying to keep my head up i m trying to get myself together it s senior year and i need to pick myself up before i far farther down i know my problems are mine alone and i don t want to burden my parentsone thing is that s been making it hard is that i m pretty lonely i ve been trying to make friends here on reddit a lot of fails to say the least i can t help but need someone to talk to it s easy to feel that it s a one sided conversation and it s hard to keep trying when it feels that way i ve had people try to talk to me before but then they just stop talking or don t reply am i wrong to have the want of someone to talk to and be real friends with is it too much too expect the good news is that i m feeling somewhat better now but not sure how long that ll last tbh lol,1
if i wasn t worthless she wouldn t have left for someone better i m a piece of shit i don t even have a social life anymore if i died i d be lucky if anyone noticed what s the point of living if you have nothing to live for sure i have myself but i hate him it s almost been 6 months but i think of her every day she loved me but then she left when she found a better deal guess i can t blame her for not wanting a sack of shit like me,1
i m giving it one week as the title suggests i m giving myself one more week with the hope that things will somehow get better i have gotten to a point where it doesn t seem possible to ever be happy again i have no friends no prospects and no real reasons to live anymore i can no longer stand the constant brain fog and anxiety that comes with these feelings either i feel braindead most of the time which makes it hard to do anything at all to try and better myself even as i write this i am struggling to think of the next thing to say i have recently started going to therapy but it seems like it s more stressful than it s worth my therapist talks a lot and it s hard to get a word in sometimes i also just found out that it s going to cost more than i had initially figured and i probably won t be able to afford it anyway don t try to tell me that things will get better because i m sure they won t anytime it s seems like things are finally starting to look up these horrible feelings return and i find myself stuck in the bottomless pit of depression yet again i close myself off from the world and shut people out in my life who mean well i lose my motivation and end up no better off than when i started trying to improve i m hopeless and fucking tired of it the very fact that i am this way is also the reason i am so alone in life nobody wants to be around someone like me nothing positive can come from my existence and i think it s time to end it once and for all,1
i have decided that i am going to kill myself tomorrow monday the 18th it s 1155 pm sunday and i have decided i am going to kill myself tomorrow i m 17 i am a senior and i may change my mind so far i don t think i will but maybe tomorrow will be the best day of my life maybe tomorrow things will change maybe i will meet a new person maybe i will get help either way i wanted someone to know this not call the cops on me if anything maybe something someone says here will keep me alive one more say ,1
did i break my brain four months ago at the end of april i tried to kill myself through alcohol poisoning i ended up going to the hospital and having it flushed out of my systemi haven t been the same since that attempt my depression has been worse and i ve just lost my will to live i wonder if i caused some sort of permanent damage to myself through my actions it makes it even harder to hope for the future,1
i just need to talk someone who feel similair i wish i was never born or that i could sleep forever even when i m happy i just would rather not be anything at all if that makes sense i don t like the world i absolutely hate myself and i find it difficult to talk to people because they will just focus a lot on making sure i don t do it thanks for reading this ,1
think i m going to kill myself this week i m 19 female and i ve finally gave up the fight against my depression and anxiety been fighting for so long i just can t do it anymore i no longer enjoy doing anything and spend my days either sleeping as much as i can as it s the closest i can get to death or sitting in my room alone gave up with seeing my friends it s been 2 months since i ve seen anyone apart from my family who i live with that s another reason i want to kill myself my poor family have to put up with me taking out my feelings on them unlike my ex boyfriend who chose to leave me they can t so their forced to listen to it i know my family love me and i love them so much but i think it would be for the best i m so confused i want to die i can t stop crying every minute awake i m wishing i could go back to sleep no one actually thinks i will kill myself so they don t bother really trying to make me feel better all i d need is someone to push me and to really help me but i don t have that i guess i m here hoping for someone to give me a reason to live i have thought through and realise that death is forever but we re all going to die someday anyways so why does it matter ,1
i cannot stop thinking about ending my own life what i mean is that logically i know it doesn t make sense at all i have a good life loving partner supportive family roof over my head but i m also absolutely sure no one actually wants me around that i don t really want me around they just tolerate me because i can do things for them outside my utility i m worthless i lost my job 2 months ago so i ve had plenty of time to think about it to act on it even the only reason i aborted my last attempt was because i vividly pictured my partner finding my dead body and i just can t do that to her but i just can t handle this worthless pointless feeling in my mind anymore i m so tired of fighting it and death seems better and better i might be able to see my doctor in 23 days my therapist is advocating for me to go on stronger antidepressant medications and an anti anxiety and i think it will help i just have to make it there but being alive in my head is so painful,1
i m sitting on building waiting to jump i ve been sitting here at the top of this 10 story building for 10 minutes i hate my life so much and i have no one who cares about me is there any reason i shouldn t just slide off and end it,1
i almost attempted again i thought i was getting better but i guess not had my noose ready and my head in yet i didn t do it i wish i had the courage to,1
i m done i m a worthless piece of shit i don t want anyone dealing with my body when i die what can i do apologies for this formidably long read the rules state that i shouldn t ask for suggestioni just want tell my story put it out here what i ve been feeling for yearsi would like to clarify at the outset that i m not writing this out of impulse now i ve been planning my suicide for more than a year nowi m 23 now since i was 1112 i ve always felt i m a misfit i ve always felt that i m floating inside my body i ve no purpose in this world i m a loser an evil incarnate i can never be normal i realized all this when i was 1415throughout my school and college years i ve been faking everythingsmilefriendshiphappinessetc others don t know the face underneath the mask i put on i ve had it enough i couldn t do the same at workone day i just came to home without informing anyone at workand when they tried to contact me i avoided iti was terminated i lied to my friends that i got job in another cityfor the past 18 monthsi have been lying to themwhile planning my suicide i got hold of sleeping pillsi just want to end it and cause minimal harm to my family i don t want them to find my body because this is just traumatic hell it would be great if they didn t even know i was dead and just went missingi always imagined i would get to a place like those deserts in breaking bad tv series and commit suicide sometime i wish someone would just kill me and dump in a place like thatalas i live in third world country i don t know if there are any such places here i m saying all this so that you would understand where i am coming from and the suicidal thoughts i have been having since childhood feeling like a waste of spaceso please don t try to convince me not to i ve heard it all before and it wont help hell its probably just like what it was like before i was born nothing and compared to the pathetic life i live that sounds great to meplease help mepm me your ideashelp this world by getting ridding of me ,1
i am the only one who can fix myself and that thought is infuriating why can t be there some kind of brain surgery that fixes being lazy as shit all the time so i can stop forcing myself to do worki just realized that everything is my responsibility i have to be the one who must fix myself there s no cure surgery or any therapy that can make me feel better it s always has to be me that has to force being motivatedit makes me not try therapy at all i ll probably have to keep a journal or some useless shit that i will forget about i just wish there was some kind of happy pill that makes me super productive maybe then i d finally be successful in livebut alas i m a lazy piece of shit and i refuse to improve myself fuck it i d rather die than try anything,1
dude i can t live i need help i wish i had people to talk toit s all overthree months ago probably longer now i lost my friend because my friend that makes all my friends and girlfriends hate me and like him instead got her to hate me completely i already have him blocked and know he s a toxic friend now and now i miss my friend not the toxic friend but the other oneand i go to her tumblr page and she i like the same things she likes but i tried to talk to her again yesterday and she blocked me her tumblr has all this stuff about anime and cartoons and games that i like and i think we d be good friends we were good friends for two years on tumblr and 11 years before that although i didn t see her for ten of them before my friend made her dislike meand my mom says i m not allowed to get a 12pack for three weeks because i stole a little bit of my dad s scotch a couple days agoand now i don t know how to deal with all of these little annoyances i woke up and i heard my mom s breathing machine and it sounds so annoying and i can t sleep like that either and i just wanted to do something horrible but then i realize they ll probably ban me from alcohol even longer my dad s coming home soon i wanna explode and say that i really want beer tomorrow even though i stole his scotch the other day but they say that s the only punishment i can haveand i got up and went to the bathroom and again my mom ran to the downstairs bathroom and tried talking to me from the downstairs bathroom so i went on the computer and a bug landed on my screen and both of my internet routers i don t know why we have two every time i bring it up my dad acts like i m crazy and then says he doesn t realize we even had two routers keep not working out good so my internet keeps dieing and i keep having to unplug and replug both of my routers constantlyand i keep venting over and over on tumblr again about how i miss my friend that my friend made dislike me but no one is interacting with me and i can t stand my mom harassing me and stuff she says even though i m 30 years old i can t buy new pants with my money to replace the dorky pants i have that always make me too hot because she bought me these pants when i was in school and she doesn t want me to replace them everyone says my mom always babies me she s going to die soon though she s on a breathing machine and stuffi can t live i feel bad that i lost my friend she keeps posting stuff on her tumblr that i relate to too i was always her friend until my best friend that always made my friends and girlfriends hate me and like him instead made her not like me same with my crush that always says i m hers she says mine and if i ever block her she posts on her facebook let s dig up some dirt on me or she says my sisters say you re like chrischan but i don t know then she ll block me if she s mad at me i looked it up and saw she was trying to insult me for having aspberger s i guessand right now i just hear the downstairs tv and i can t make out the words it just sounds so annoyingand my dad s gonna come home and drink scotch soon and watch tv i really wish i had beer on friday at least next weekand i feel really bad that i can t get my friend to see me who i am and my existence is being deniedand i keep posting on tumblr but no one s talking to me on there and i can t stand my mom always harassing me and i really miss my friend ___ ok i already said thati actually was not supposed to message my friend because she said a lot that she ll get me into trouble if i do and that she considers it harassment if i message her again but i keep trying to tell her that my friend was wrong about me i literally don t even know why she stopped talking to me she doesn t want to communicate with me but i keep messaging her even though her friend told me that her dad is a cop and she ll get me into trouble if i talk to her again because now that i can t drink beer for three weeks i literally can not deal with all the annoyances that happen every day throughout the week and i figure its ok if i keep messaging this girl cuz my life is completely over anyways and i wish i could show her that i m not a bad person although i admit its bad to disrespect her wishes and message her when she told me not to but i m not even sure why other than that my best friend convinced her to not like me anymore because all i do is make crappy hamtaro fangames and stuff aahi just woke up from hearing my mom s breathing machine i can hear it in my room when i m laying down and i can t think to myself in bed anymore ,1
fellas a member of one fandom community is in a pretty bad place right now i nor the fandom subs have the resources or training to handle this so i was hoping reddit could do it s thing here thank you all ,1
i don t feel like it will end for me and i m scared i m an early twenties woman and i m so afraid all of the timei have no job despite having a small diploma i can t find one in any line of work except commission pay which i cannot take i have anxiety which causes me a lot of fear and grief every day i ruined my mother s life being born because she could have been so much more if she didn t have me at a young age i am currently being tested to see if i have lymphoma and i know if i do i won t be able to survive chemo i watched a family member go through it and i am not strong enough i m just so scared all the time i don t want to be afraid and feel worthless like this i just wish i didn t have to be here i don t want to unload this on my mother or my few friends i have done that enough as it is my father doesn t love me he never has he victim shamed me for my rape when i was a young teen recently and it has opened a wound that on top of everything else i don t feel like i can handle i just really wanted to talk in some way because holding all of this inside is making me hurt so much ,1
just wanted to say thanks every time i get a comment on here it warms my heart thank you guys for always being so kind and supportive you re all awesome people d,1
thinking about suicide how many fluoxetine would it take to kill someone around 130 pounds,1
it would mean a lot if someone saw this i don t know what to do anymore i hope someone reads this i thought i was getting better over the summer i don t know what happened i m a gay male i went to a school that accepted me for who i am last year i could finally express myself and be myself it was the first time i ve felt happy in years now i m at a new school and i m already being made fun of for being gay a lot of the other guys in my school won t come near me it s like i have some sort of disease you know when something that shouldn t bother you anymore comes back up and just metaphorically punches you in the stomach this has been going on for years now and in march it put me in the hospital for a month after i overdosed i don t know what to do because everyone thinks i m fine and i don t want to worry people but i stay up all night crying and during the day i can t focus on anything i don t know what to do anymore what s making this worse is that i got kicked out of school because my grades were so low because i couldn t motivate myself to work hard what got me through the day was being around my friends there and knowing that they truly cared about me but now i m at a different school away from them i ve changed schools a lot but i went to one where i was being severely bullied one daily basis being beaten up by a group of kids almost on a daily basis i ended up running away from the school one night and i slept in the woods the police found me the next morning but the school i m at now is so similar to the school i was at where i was being bullied that it s giving me panic attacks cause i m afraid it s gonna happen again i keep thinking about trying to overdose again but the only thing keeping me from doing it is worrying that if i fuck it up i ll end up in the hospital and won t be allowed out for a long time i ve been in a psych ward twice once for attempting to jump off a bridge in fourth grade and then again this year and being in the hospital is worse than death to me,1
i think i may end it soon hey i m 18 and a senior in high school from the outside my life looks pretty good i have a lot of friends and a good family but i ve been hurting for a long time i hate the way i look and act and think i ve recently lost about 50lbs to try and turn my life around but it didn t work it just made me realize i still hate who i am as a person i recently found out i have male pattern baldness and it s ruined any self esteem i had left i ll look around at other people and see them acting happy and realize that i ll never be like that i don t know if i can search for happiness much longer ,1
19f long term livein boyfriend packed up and left while i was at work haven t eaten in 5 days just dropped out of school seizures are getting worse trying to decide between inpatient or just killing myself hey allit just feels good to get this out i understand this isn t a relationship subreddit but the context is necessary here we ve been dating since 2015 long distance then lived together for over a year the relationship was honestly perfect we treated each other extremely well and there was nothing to complain about he has bipolar and depression i have anxiety and depression i guess both of our fatal flaws were never seeing a therapist we always figured we could help each other through our mental health we never really took our mental illnesses out on each othertwo months ago i had an ugly jealous feeling in my gut to check the messages he had a year ago with a mutual friend of ours jane he had a thing with her before he and i met and for the first part of our relationship she was really friendly with me and him but something always felt off to me i did what i d never done before and read his messages with her found out for the first 4 months of our relationship he was basically cheating on me with jane asking her to come over for netflix and chill saying i love you complimenting her saying but i m not a cheater though lol in the same conversation they would then talk about how great i was total brainfuckafter reading that i went on a drive this was the first time i had ever felt angry at him i called my best friend hysterical saying how much i hated him and i just wanted to die she talked me down and about an hour and a half later i come home my nowex realizes i read his messages and responds to my tears with a scoff asking why i m making such a big deal out of something that happened so long ago i break down crying because i had been cheated on in a very similar situation in my last relationship he then breaks down crying about how he doesn t deserve medoesn t understand why i m with him etc i spend the rest of the night reassuring him that i m not going to leave that he isn t a bad boyfriend that i need time but i can forgive him etci guess that was the start of the endhe went from fulltime to parttime in the job he was doing extremely well at i advised against it but it wasn t my call to make and we could pay bills just fine if he went to parttime shortly after i noticed him slipping into a depressive spiral he d drink beer and play league of legends literally any moment he wasn t at work i d wake up he s playing league get back from the gym he s playing league make breakfast he s still playing league come home from work he s still playing league just with two empty bottles of booze next to him now i figured this was all just depression and i needed to let him cope so i d sit on his lap while he d play video games ask him if he s winning kiss him on the cheek whatever then the day would end we d have sex all good rightthe last month has been hell i had felt completely neglected and like i was just an annoyance to him i beat myself up so much on the inside that my anorexic tendencies started coming back my seizure disorder came back full swing there was one instance where i was so disoriented i threw up in the bed all over the sheets myself and my hair then passed out i woke up and he was sleeping on the floor while i m still covered in puke that had been sitting for 6 hours when he went to work i had to drag myself out of bed shower off puke sitting down i couldn t even stand and hose off our sheets before running out the door to work the fact he didn t even offer to help should have been a sign that he just didn t care anymorei would sit down with him often and ask how he was he always said he was fine just needed to decompress several times i was crying asking him why i felt like i annoyed him every time i talked to him and what i could do differently nothing ever changedso during that month i was hardly eating going to the gym getting a seizure every other week and still doing all the housework cooking cleaning laundry it was exhausting i dropped out today but at the time i was still a full time college student and working full time he just had a part time job and wouldn t do anything around the house to helpmy full time job has also been shitty but it provided us a place to live weird housing situation so i m sure hating my full time job and having all the stress of full time college too just made it worse but i had no other choice if i didn t work there full time there was nowhere for us to live end of storythe day he left i had another talk with him we had plans to move to another state soon so i can finish my degree at a school i ve been excited to attend which is also by his hometown i think i scared him by giving him an ultimatum and saying i wasn t sure how things are going to work if it continues like this i couldn t keep doing literally everything on top of full time work and school and my declining health he got a really weird look in his eyes and said i know i need to make some changes that night i come home from work and nearly everything of his is gone he left about a 7 sentence note his pet leopard gecko and just noshowed to his job he s fired now and went back to his hometownthe relationship was real shitty at the end but oh my god i miss him i keep getting flashbacks to all these good memories 2 years is a long fucking time and wondering what the hell i did wrong i hid my eating disorder pretty well from him so i know that wasn t it maybe i nagged maybe it was the seizures if i had known he was so miserable i would ve said fuck it to my job and college and gone anywhere he wanted done anything he wanted whatever i ve always been an extreme peoplepleaser i would have done anything to make him stayeither way this has thrown me real fucking deep into a hole of selfhatred and depression and i ve physically been unable to eat for the last 5 days he left me on wednesday it s now monday and the only thing i ve been able to consume is 10 oz of cranberry juice yesterdaymy mom wants me to go into inpatient i m thinking why waste 3 days in a hospital when now s a better time than ever to kill myself i won t have to worry about my weight about transferring my credits about missing him about explaining myself to his family they re all distraught anythingthings are pretty dark right now i ve lost my reason to live and i m not physically or mentally strong enough to carry myself through the stress of such a fucking terrible breakup on the bright side i m back to my goal weight of 115lbs the end,1
i can t take it anymore my girlfriend broke up with me today she called me and said even though she loves me she doesn t feel in love the long distance just isn t working the one person i trusted and cherished the most in the world is gonemy mind and body have been regressing in the last couple of weeks and i ve been a shell of what i once was i can barely hold conversation i can barely process words and speech anymore and my mind is constantly empty i m sluggish and i haven t eaten in days just because i feel so empty i can t take living anymore i ve tried reaching out but no one will listen i m going to hang myself like i tried and failed to do on friday i ve already written my note and i m going to do it once i say goodnight to my family goodbye reddit thank you for everything if i somehow fail then i ll try to come back here to the people that actually helped me when no one else would thank you ,1
hi everyone i m feeling very suicidal i want to kill myself but i m very very scared i either want to be back together with my exboyfriend or be dead i don t think the first option is going to happen so i think i m going to kill myself soon i have a concert on saturday that will cause a lot of drama but i m getting fucked up and high maybe i ll do it after the concert or the day after it s not all planned out yet but i m leaving the earth soon i feel it in my body,1
one day before i hit my 30s not sure where to begin with i m laying in bed and i m crying like i have for the past few years it s not an every day occurrence that i cry myself to sleep but it happens often enough i m at my wit s end with life and i m still in my earlymid 20s but i decided to end my life before i will reach 30 i kept thinking for the past few days what is the best way to go out and i think the quickest and least painful way hopefully is with a gun it s not easy to get a gun where i m from but it s doable i ve nothing worthy to live for i m ugly i m stupid i m a lonewolf i m a horrible person and i drive everyone around me away i ve been succumbing to depression for close to 10 years now and i ve had enough i can t take this pain anymore and truthfully no one gives a flying fuck about me that s the truth i m angry i m sad i m frustrated and i just want to be laid to rest in my eternal sleep i don t know why i wrote this i guess i needed a place to write something down one person made me happy and that person is gone i pushed her away with my shitty attitude and my clinginess and i smothered her never gave her room to breath and i regret that now so much oh did i mention i m ugly yeah also one of the reasons i miss you e i hope you know i deeply love you buenas noches everyone ,1
i don t want people to say if only we had known or if only we could have done something i ve seen people s reactions to suicide plenty of times throughout the last three years unfortunately and the family and friends often say thing s that make me wonder if what they are saying is really the truth ifwhen i kill myself what will the reactions be will they say if only we had known or if only we could have done something because the reality is if you genuinely knew me you would know and you would have had many opportunities to help so i guess what i m saying is you clearly have priorities in life which is fine we all do but at the very least please don t pretend you did everything you could and that i was the number one priority in your life or that you didn t know how bad i really wasyou don t owe me anything at all but please don t try to create lies in order for my death to have been seen as unexpected or preventable if only you had known in order to justify me not being a big priority in your life until i m dead and you need to explain to people why i did it and the circumstances around it,1
it s all too much i can t do this anymore i ve tried many methods but it never works i just want to go to sleep and exist only in a perpetual nothingness ,1
does anyone else feel like they need to be institutionalised i often daydream about going to prison or after another failed suicide attempt being sent to some psychiatric health place i think i m attracted by the idea of being allowed to start from scratch god knows that almost all of my suicidal urges come from a fear of the past maybe that s why i struggle to see a future without wiping the slate clean and starting again to lock myself away from drink and distractions to be forced into a routine that at first i ll cynically protest and undermine not in prison though only to come out as the stampapproved normal person that i ve always wanted to be forced into it because i have no recourse in browsing reddit or playing video games or getting drunk to spend my timebut then i m scared because i know when i come out it ll be so hard to fall into the old routines i want to be put away somewhere for so long that i am broken my black dog to be put down like a quarantine for the soulapologies for the ramble somewhat drunk but have no access atm to anything i could kill myself with,1
i feel broken i feel worthless consistent ridicule from the people i care about has always had a negative effect on me especially recently while i ve been struggling to find some will to live i don t have my license and i m almost 19 i feel so behind the pack so useless my mother doesn t want me to come live with her or see me because i m too much of a headache and a burden i m terrible with women and just want to feel loved i m so tired of being alone i m so tired i ve given my father 3 grand in the last month so he can keep his house and have the necessities he needs my brother kicked me out last year and still continually talks poorly about me to my mother he never liked me anyways ha the enticing feeling death seems ever clear to me i want to sleep i want someone to talk to but i can t let anyone know i am like this my family friends and associates all think i m a happy fellow im not haha i try doing good i care for others make sure they are taken care of why do i feel this way why am i afraid to ask for help i just want to slink away somewhere quiet and dark i don t want to be found,1
add insult to injury i made a prior post look at history about how i broke off a long term friendi actually while sipping whiskey wrote some curt but not nasty things that she did to me i did not curse at her or anything but i wrote down how i felt and how things are perceived by me i told her not to contact me i spoke to a friend of mine that noticed that i was much less happy the past month while trying to make her feel better but he pointed out it was my choice if i wanted to reconcile or not i did and what a mistake it wasi send her an apology text she said it was fine she tells me we can meet up a day later its a different town and i go drive there she knew i had to do something else prior but then tells me she s not up for it but i said i really need to tell her certain things she says fine i tell her the things how i battled through depression for many years but all the time she said she really wants to go back to watching the tv show she was watching project runway i barely talk to her for 8 minutes it took me 25 minutes to drive there and i say what i needed to tell her and she says we should hang out this weekend and she will text me later so far no textthe next day i get a call from my cousin her mother my aunt died i was not close to them because there is an age gap of 15 years as well as infighting between my parents and theirs but i am the intermediary and go to talk to my cousins i went wednesday night for 7 hours talking to one cousin and i went today talking to the other cousin but today was emotionally draining my uncle is telling me everything wrong with my father and what he did while i just sat there nodding occasionally while allowing him to talk about him and my father there are times i wanted to call out his shit but his wife of 50 years just died and i can t so i sit there for at least 4 hours of belittlement while i am pretty sure my relationship to the friend prior is over overi want to cry but i cannot i am so numb though its somewhat like when my brother died actually my older cousins asked for advice from me because they knew i went through it it is very weird telling your mid 40s cousins how to prepare for a funeral that you are well antiquated with what to do what to buy which casket to buy burial plot etci am just stretched so thin i am somewhat certain that if i asked the friend to come she would but the way she is acting i do not want to bring a friend to my family s funeral i do not think i ever want to talk to her because clearly project runway is more important that silly me needing me to tell her my problems it seems to me that she is a taker and will not give back anything on top of the monetary things she said she would pay me back or or the other thingsthe saving grace this week that is making me look forward i also got a phone call from the blood donation company that i matched perfectly with a infant that needs my white blood cells apparently its a 1 in a million shot that we matched i am doing it tuesday since that is the legal timeline i can give since i donated this past monday and am ineligible to donate for 7 days this is literally the only light at the end of the tunnel i need to stay alive so a kid can survive using my body that i can care less for i am so tired i am feeling so depressed tired,1
suicide over her i loved my ex gf so much we dated for 3 years and i lost sight of everything in the last year i became controlling possessive and isolating i realize what i did wrong and have been trying to change for the better but she won t give me the time of day i am no contact mode with her to focus on myself but for fuck sakes it s so hard she meant the world to me and i have tried to commit suicide twice over this the first time i hallucinated the swat team was in my appartment and the second my parents rescued me as i laid half past dead on my couch both attempts were over dosing i also survived a pretty bad car crash too so with in the last month and half i have survived two suicide attempts and a car crash and i still want to end it i just love her so damn much and want to show her how much i changed and that i am the man that she fell in love with i have also been cutting too and self harming can anyone help me i just want her back so badly,1
i m just gonna starve myself i haven t eaten all day and i don t even care i m just gonna lock myself in my room and hide from the world,1
i really want to selfharm again losing all hope 17f recently i just got this gut punch of depression where i don t feel like anything is worth it this is the worst i ve felt in a while i ve been doing good but i just really want to cut again i keep cutting deeper each time but it s such a release from all the pressure of grades and getting ready for college sometimes i just see myself committing suicide before my late 20s i just don t see myself making it that far in life,1
i m starting to have suicidal thoughts i ve always told myself that i wouldn t succumb to my emotions especially after my brother took his own life a couple of years back my thoughts on the topic of suicide have gradually grown over timei m sustaining myself with a job i ve worked for 3 years now and i m currently enrolled in college i ve had to see every single one of my friends go on to do better things while i sit here doing the same old shit and have the feeling that i m not making progress i lost the best girl i ever had in my life because i let my anxiety get the best of me and ruin the relationshipi tend to talk to myself and sort issues out and i try to tell myself that it s all temporary but i m starting to lose faith i found myself today planning it all out in my head while i was at work i don t know if i d actually go through with it but i actually thought of how and when and should i write a notei don t know what s wrong with me and it might just be a phase but it s getting worse,1
give me a reason to stay alive everyone says it ll get better but it won t if anything it s getting worse i m having daily suicide thoughts and the only thing stopping me from doing it are my parents and best friends i think i m too cowardly to actually kill myself but i m terrified that i m going to spend the rest of my life just existing ,1
relapse im starting to relapse but this time i don t know if im going to fight to push through or just let my bipolar win i also don t know if i want to fight anymore i don t now how bad this relapse will be i started cutting again and having thoughts about suicide ,1
why not today s my day off from work i only have one class today would be the perfect day to just end it i know i won t only out of fear that i won t successfully die i don t know how to juggle work and school well and it s taking a toll on me in my work school and personal life i wish i knew a fool proof method to commit suicide if i did i would do it in a minute ,1
when failing to follow through deepens the depression i made the decision to end my life but i can t do it just another broken promise in my life i m so preoccupied with it that i am barely doing my work or taking care of myself at homemaybe someone can check on me later,1
too tired to write it all doing my best to cope but the social anxiety and hypervigilance is exhausting and i feel painfully on edge and extremely uncomfortable almost every hour of every dayat the moment i haven t planned how i d do it so i guess im relatively safe but i just really want people to talk to and would be so glad to have someone to talk to on a regular basis im just tired of the loneliness,1
suic rant does it seem like i give a fuck anyways i ve just been sitting up here trying really hard not to like jump off or something but there s just this pain that s making that harder and ha,1
i have never wanted to kill myself more than in the past few weeks ,1
idk what to do anymore i just feel mad at myself nd the world robin williams once said suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but he committed suicide so,1
is it bad to always be planning it s a year from the last time i planned a serious attempt and i guess i don t know if this is another one ,1
my biggest regret i have felt more alone than ever i feel like they re avoiding me at all costsmy biggest regret is not swalling the drink when i had the chance here im sitting contemplating my choices my closest friends don t seem like they ll miss me we all had talks in my signs of hitting rock bottom and how to help i ve been showing those signs only to be given the cold shoulder time after timeat some point i just have to be selfish and do what s best for me ,1
cheated on my gf i want to kill myself i m28 cheated on my gf f27 she caught me sexting it was a one time slip up for me and i hate myself for it i feel like i am selfish to the point all i care about is me and no one else she didn t deserve this all i have been able to think about the last 3 days is how i can kill myself,1
i m unwanted and i don t want to live in a world where no one wants me i m in college i went through sorority rush and didn t get in any sororities so i tried to apply to join another organization on campus and got turned away from that too i don t belong anywhere my mom is extremely emotionally abusive the day i got turned away from that organization my grandma died i was extremely close to her and loved her a lot now my mom is telling me how i wasn t important to her my boyfriend never tries to take me on dates and barely makes any effort to even see me we have been together 5 years i constantly tell him how i feel neglected and unwanted and he continues to ignore me and neglect me i don t have a best friend people that i thought were my friends hang out with each other and never invite me i m just never wanted by anyone i want to be someone s best friend i want to be someone s first choice or any choice at all i don t understand why nobody likes me i am so nice to people i really want to make friends but no one likes me,1
i just want everyone i love to know it isn t their fault funny how my first post on reddit will be my last because i could never find the right words to properly fit in i m going to kill myself tonight i ve been thinking about doing this since i was 9 years old i ve run through the thoughts a million times over and at almost every angle i approach this i am more than positive regardless of how long i prolong it i am going to commit suicide so why not tonight i ve lost almost everything that has ever meant anything to me regardless of the constant love and support i give others it is almost as if no one can love me or just maybe can t love me at the capacity i love them i feel like someone who is watching everyone else s life but i m never truly able to live my own just floating just here i can t reach out for help it s those dreams you have where no matter how loud you re screaming kicking hitting it just isn t enough for anyone to understand or come to your aid the world won t end because i die time doesn t stop nothing spectacular will happen because i died i will leave the earth as i entered if crying it s no ones fault that i was a prisoner to my own mind the choice to end my life tonight is entirely selfish i am destroying myself and everyone around me by being alive so i have to end it i am sorry to whoever find me i am sorry to my loved ones for being the way i am i am so sorry and i loved you all very much take care of yourselves,1
why do i feel this way and what can i do about it idk what s gotten into me i m not showing my usual signs of mania or depression i ve been suicidal before i ve sort of attempted before all times i was either manic or depressed or mixed recently i ve just stopped caring about myself and rapidly over the past week it has become more of a i actively want to hurt myself kind of thing i restarted self harming i have been thinking about suicide pretty consistently over the past few days i know it isn t a long time but i am pretty impulsive when i get this way idk what this even is though i don t want to scare anyone but i m actually starting to scare myself i play the i dare you game with myself a lot even when i am mostly just apathetic i just want to get through the night i guess none of my usual resources are around i guess this is really a metaquestion how do i know if selfdestructive me means it or if i am just bluffing myself,1
oooooohhhung over and i don t like it ,0
jessica is up now oh savannah s team did not win ,0
500bucks spent that i didn t want to spend ,0
 omg i m so sorry to hear that at least you had fun later though ,0
i m sad and i don t like it because he s not worth it ,0
 omg you have a twin that s awesome i m an only child lol,0
 mmmm intermezzo havent been for a while top dogs,0
went to the grocery store and there were all these made in mexico stickers on fruitso sad ,0
just discovered i have night seizures ,0
wants to be homeout and not work ever or just get paid js ,0
waiting in line at the post office what more do i need to say ,0
 i miss u tooi m going to see dane cook tonight ,0
at bamboozle working and chillin ftsk is on it sounds bad ,0
ahhh i really hope it s not serious prayyyy 4 her why her they don t know what s happening they are running moreee tests,0
 no its the same day as edgefest lol text me i dont know why i dont have your number in my phone ,0
finished watching lost 514 oh faraday pity you eloise hawking is a coldhearted b,0
i m really at a loss as to why people abuse animals children and elderly people anyone actually ,0
 no ,0
attention had to drop off the alkaline trio show tonight in new haven ct toads placesorry to all who planned on coming to see us ,0
 god they re well posh im going to be living in a box ,0
gossiping with mary via text and avoiding spring cleaning at any cost plus my arm hurts a lot where i got a tetnus shot yesterday ,0
yay the rents arent home but this moring was sooooooo looonngg my brother had his annoying little friend over ugh,0
moms having a hard time they shld all leave now they r just stressing her out ,0
its back to seattle weather again ,0
at the registersi hate working saturdays ,0
omgsh i hope you re okay,0
were only big enough for a full size mattressi have a queen ,0
 tried to use the coupon for mother s day but it didn t work is that because i am buying something from spring cleaning sale,0
 yesssss u tooooooooo if you extend a damn invite ,0
 he s brill i m gutted he can t live with me he cries when i leave my parents house ,0
century city having lunch where is forever 21 ,0
seth rogan can u please come save me i can t find u right now and i can t deal with this 17 year old mosh pit going on ,0
has preordered her watchmen dvd but is sad she had 2 watche 3 goals go in the wrong net ,0
 you mean he doesn t want you to spend money there,0
my bby sopha is sick ,0
at work on saturday ,0
 i just saw an old clip of you on idol and it made me miss having you there ,0
why cant i feel anything from anyone other than you ,0
 im so bummed i was gonna come out today cause you told me bout your concert but i dont have a ride ,0
ouch nancy ouch ,0
 you went without me ,0
with all of this last man standing nonsense playing in the dancehall arena food network had last cake standing oh shucks none fell ,0
 i hve a wedding in houston and i won t be here on may 23rd i m gonna miss kela graduation too,0
 you weren t online today i miss you ,0
 awww i m leavin may 10 mark may7th 9pm on the calender if ur not already busy ,0
wtb reins of the armored brown bear 200g short ,0
 i m wondering if i was really supposed to be there i got a call from someone else asking if i wanted to go can t though ,0
 miley is anything possible or is that just a quote to make you feel better ,0
 think that s called sod s law ,0
i burnt the roof off my mouth with mashed potato earlieri now have a big blister there whats bestbonjela or somethingouch ,0
 its coming,0
 i cant remember i found it on stumbeupon wish su logged your stumbles,0
slc all day ,0
they extended the contest to may 8th ,0
 did usual shopping for my gma and then cut all the grass at my mums i am officially knackered rugby,0
 me too,0
trouble in paradise ,0
 crap its starting to rain and i wanted to see the human chess match ,0
so after a little sleeping in and searching for a better carburetor for the toj i just realized i haven t eaten today iquotm hungry ,0
 did they play the trailer for the jb 3d movie i was hoping they would do it in my cinema but they didn t ,0
one of my user s workstations ,0
 read your blognot sure why it s so much drama really just yeah it s not that bad tehy won t freak out over a late fee,0
why am i so itchy gah scratch scratch scratch make it stop ,0
i don t feel good ,0
is knackeredtupid mac turned a two hour job into an 8 hour one xxx,0
 i don t get no bonding time lol,0
want to eat korean food the only kfood i have is kimchi ,0
 working but at least it s at a sex toy store,0
 ahh are you okay bb feel better ,0
 omg ur so lucky here in mexico they dont even know that the jonas will have a serie on dc not fair,0
me and my blistering back are going to sleep i hope it s condition will improve tomorrow again stupid stupid me ,0
 u never called me and i never got any txt 240 413 8158u sure u was sendin it 2 the right ,0
 in trouble ,0
wow that s so homo there s nothing to eat i m so hungry,0
noooo an exclusive extended commercial ,0
 nooooooo ,0
ha ha michelle i miss you,0
i hate waiting for people so i can go to dinner they always take so long ,0
so much for work i m stuck again ,0
though my connection here is too slow to update the 18 out of date apps i have here ,0
 can t do it gotta work,0
 i don t know i have heard both sides i understand both sides i love both sides i am confused ,0
i guess that s a no mets reyes,0
the adjacent apartment bldg just got struck by lightning i don t like lightning folks i almost let a turd fly when it hit ,0
 same throbbing headache means i don t think i can make ulduar tonight hugs,0
only 10 followers i needd moree ,0
shoot me now i dont want tmr to be here ,0
i need me some money ,0
i think it s going to rain again ,0
rip jack kemp a great american patriot i always wanted to meet and now never will ,0
 dude where did you disappear to i forgot to give you somethinggg,0
doesnt want to work till midnight tonight ,0
 omgg i wish i could believee itt it s impossible for me latelyy ,0
hmmseems were losing followers depressing imma listen to kayas music to feel better iz official kaya fangirl lol soshla ,0
 oh no i hope it isn t too serious and heals quickly,0
 i knoooo womp womp womp i missss everyone lol,0
 over it ,0
don t know what 2 wear ,0
 can you tell us what it was now,0
doesnt get anything anymore like for example why only nick and kevin arent in australia and joes by himself in australia i dont get it ,0
still doing pe ,0
is sad cos i had to put my guinea pig to sleep ,0
 i woke up at 6am i thought it was a monday i am going back to my bed i need more sleep ,0
needs to diet and exercise ,0
i wish my baby would cheer up ,0
 nopeits back ,0
it was her last show on the american leg of her tour ,0
wish i was home watching shannon fight but i m stuck at work ,0
house closing was delayed ,0
 hope u re ok x,0
highhhh madd fun at the hotel party although i miss him ,0
 thought there was a particular software other then tweetdeck for linuxwill get air on there later school work now ,0
 that s upsetting,0
today is me day yay lolthough i have to work the whole thing ,0
stuck in traffic on the 101 ,0
 or cheese ,0
i have not rite to be jealous but paranoia mixed with past experience throw in the fact that i d ve loved to ve been there ,0
 i know yuck ,0
industry niggass b on the shit what all glitters sure as hell aint gold goodd friend taught me that ,0
 if i had xbox live i would recommend we link up but alas i do not ,0
damn i hate this myfav thing i cant choose who to freaken put on there ,0
 cause you didn t get sleep ,0
 lol i just watched jonas also on youtube cause i live in canada and the show airs here like 3 weeks after ,0
had a nice chat with juried artist artana her photography is creative and arresting quothiddenquot in particular but it sold already seaf,0
 what happened ,0
y is boyz n the hood on tv at my jobi feel gangsta gangstariiiiiccckkkkyyy lol,0
i can t believe i am graduating todaythis sucks ,0
wtf my sis just reminded me some place in ny amp nj they sale jobro hot coco and a shake called thats just the way we shake i want one now,0
 nope odds were shitty oh well what u doing badoy,0
what is this like number 8 tonight i m so sick of getting in my own way tracksterrr,0
i wish this trimester doesnt end ,0
says updating ,0
after hanging out with christina i want to go to tam ,0
hasn t been updating lately sorry ,0
i have def been drinkin for more than 10 hrs right now merh love u andrew ,0
 awwww we missed you too loved 500 at sundance and interviewing the cast would ve been great to revisit the film in sf ,0
 this creepy asian lady is sleepingsnoringlaying on me and makes me think of your mom she doesn t have the hat tho ,0
i think i may have another kidney stone dull mild ache in myleft side had to leave peers early,0
i feel sorry for hatton guess hes just not that good hopefully mayweather will fare better,0
is selfish ,0
 but i haven t heard any adult riddles today ,0
saturday night spent all by my lonesome ,0
hipsterdom is the end product of all prior countercultures it s been stripped of its subversion and originality ,0
girlfriend s laptop power cord just snapped in half anybody local got a spare one to lend her ,0
going home i hate this i just feel like nothing is going right,0
just finished load out and got into bed not really sleepy though ,0
 do your arms and shoulders hurt from writing so much mine do ,0
 i m trying like hell to log in to google chat but it won t let me connect ,0
 thanks so much 4 the ollow friday i ve been presenting at a conference and totally missed twitter friday ,0
going to bed started to get tired supose to be going to dinner tomarow with dad if he doesnt lie like he did today nites,0
my stomache is upset all i want to do is cuddle with my kevin and fall asleep ,0
is confused thinking about the design concept and start to lose my confidence again what a mess ,0
no shark diving boat company said no sharks amp water too merky boulder beach instead penguins on south africa beach,0
if i werent so tired i d make a pouty face oh wait just mustered the strength and energy offical pouty face on ,0
 i m just the nine of clubs to benjamin,0
what no sunshine ,0
ok will be back goin orson now i fake dont wanna go ,0
 it s called becafest sorry sarah,0
lets see its 230 and i cant sleep this sucks,0
 simply for a change no update on hndate all she said was quotwill let you know soonquot ,0
i just wasted the whole entire day sleepingnow im pissed off ,0
not in the mood ,0
 i m on a budget with my 3 dresses for graduationbummerall this month i have somthing 2 attend amp nothing 2 wear help me,0
jasjdfoisfsdf it does not feel like the weekend dress rehearsal tomorrow from 2630,0
is going to work ,0
due to illness isn t going to sydney to the jaoo conference after all ,0
 and i thought you d come to austin to see me and fascat ,0
 really don t feel like trivia today ,0
is going to lucky plaza to remit money for the monthly due of eton emerald loft condominium ,0
is off to dinner to say bye bye najee tear,0
 additionally i am in mourning so please rescind your joke please ,0
 poor brother ,0
blah it sucks not being about to sleep ,0
 quotthe page you are trying to view cannot be shown because it uses an invalid or unsupported form of compressionquot ,0
just made an accoung on a paintchat called ratemydrawings without even knowing what its like i m so smart ,0
 oh amp all the wonderful wine slightly hung over ,0
 hey there sorry i missed you earlier today it was kind of a crazy day of tryin to sleep amp not bein able ,0
w00t cracked the screen on my ipod touch this sucks ,0
 hmv the record shop that s left doesn t have any mcr merch ,0
 okay dont hate me ,0
scared watching 28 weeks later ,0
 yea too bad tweetdeck doesn t allow multiple accounts what a bane ,0
wants a snack but is tired to get out of no snack for me,0
fml my car broke down along sunrise highwayand i had to leave it therethis would be my life ,0
funny thing is sean made me cry serious talks arent cool ,0
am now the 5th wheel in the family go me uugghhh,0
 awwknew i should have logged back on at 0015 this morning missed the rp quote game ,0
watching janet and pcd makes me wanna go back to dance class ugh how i miss the art i wanna perform like i did in highschool,0
just did all of my bills for may all at once my bank account is going to have a seizure come monday morning when everything hits it ,0
andrea s phone died she s at aprils and now we can t talk all night ugh i miss her lovely voice so much lt333 i love you andrea,0
 i can t this sat but that guy is pretty funny,0
 ill have to get it in the morning but i want to know now ,0
downstacked roughly 8 pallets todya by myself mostly cans soooo sore nowsleep,0
i hate school work ,0
 and i had to write the song or lyrics at least whether or not i wanted to ,0
my parents are gay and have banned off my computer so now i have to sneak on oh and i have a kevin jonas poster on my wall lol,0
 sistahhhhhhhhhhhhhyou ain t ask me if i wanted to go to the club ,0
trying to update my resume i hate having to update my resume ,0
i already hate the way it s coming out and i hate myself ,0
 nothing you can do about the rain sweetiejust be glad there was some we need it badly where i am ,0
 i never understood a foot fetish but then again alot don t understand me ,0
 should have a tweetup im doing the same the tables have not been kind ,0
 hey adam can u please post some of the tour videos up like sweet dreams break the ice and anything else i miss them and brit,0
schei e my friends are fighting i can t stand it sitting outside while they fight i m sad ,0
 interestingly enough we are flying a family out of chad whose little girl is having them also pray for their flight,0
 man my boys did a cool dilla tribute that never really saw the light of day i ll send it to you later,0
taking off back to snow see ya later kids,0
dope show was great can t say i enjoyed bls ,0
friday night was amazingdrunkenness with my friendsand a party i would be killed for if my parentals knew i threwtonight was meh ,0
bumpin make u scream by cassidy damn shuffle play is blowing me not in the mood for this right now,0
okaay i have to go bbye gnight,0
last stop 4 da nite polekats uggggh man i m not excited at all didnt hv a very good experience last time i went i jus want my bed ,0
i just laid my head to sleep wide awake in ten min ill be tired and then the vicious cycle will repeat and i still have those pimples ,0
going to church someone just told me even if i lived there permenantly it won t be enough to be forgiven for all my sins ,0
hasn t tweeted in ages ,0
 you went to the amber pacificfight fair show tonight at chain awesome hope it was good i had no ride from lbc to anaheim ,0
this is a ridiculous hour to be up i only went to bed 7 hours ago ,0
i want sushi ,0
ew ahhaha i want amp online ,0
 i miss my mac i can t get things done right on netbooks ,0
my teeth are black ,0
taking off back to snow see ya later kids,0
 the ex makes me feel so uncomforable,0
getting sold out by alfred ,0
really wants a new microscope ,0
 reid drowning is bad you know i ve been buying dvd s namely spaced and cheap animated films damn hmv sales,0
coming down with sore throat ,0
 damn if i d texted you before i got home i could have stopped by i figured everyone would be gone by now ,0
getting off at the next stop this has been the train ride from hell can t believe i have to go to work now ,0
i guess i m going to sleep i don t want to but ipod is dying on me night darn i wanted to stay on the forum oh well off to dream land,0
well i decided to stay in the house and i m aout to go get in the bed ,0
rented marley and me if you watch it be prepared to cry i wasn t expecting it to be sad ,0
another night all alone and it s really spooky ,0
 you okay laura ,0
goodnight twitterlandtime for me to go to dreamlandleaving monarch beach tomorrow boooo,0
going to bed work in the morning ,0
i can t kill myself,0
the end ,1
god over everything ,1
i m sorry ,1
god please forgive me ,1
this day couldn t get any worse ,1
i m about to delete my twitter in a second,1
 depression i want to die,1
 i want to fucking die sometimes,1
when i die i want this face to be the last thing i see ,1
 when people ask why your twitter is full of tweets of you just saying i want to die repeatedly,1
i ve been struggling through depression for about a year now and my mom died to stage four brain cancer and it s been hard ,1
my family would probably be better off without me ,1
my family would be better off without me,1
im starting to think that my family would be better off ultimately without me ,1
the power of christ compels you ,1
if i ever have to write a lesson plan in a group again i m gonna kill myself,1
wow what a jaggoff drink some more budlight and get a grip leave parents out before i talk about yo mama ,1
also judging from his jumping and prone techniques looks like if the ied is at a certain height jump or prone you die,1
my family would be better off without me ,1
 indirect tweets are cowardly this tweet is direct to all the indirect indirectly courageously :),1
 indirect tweets are cowardly this tweet is direct to all the indirect indirectly courageously :),1
 sometimes ifeel like my family would be better off without me ,1
 indirect to 95 of my school who think depression and suicide is a joke,1
indirect suicide ,1
i have a specific plan to kill myself ,1
seems as if my family would be better off and much happier without me ,1
 seems as if my family would be better off and much happier without me ,1
my family would be better off without me anyway,1
 a fear of fatness an idealization of whiteness a quashing of sexuality and a colonization of agency ,1
 a fear of fatness an idealization of whiteness a quashing of sexuality and a colonization of agency ,1
no i do not plan to kill myself i have a planet to secularize no time to die daniel vragsinn,0
shamefaced,1
right after i interview a woman working to end sexual harassment on metro and transit systems i get harassed on metro sounds about right ,1
video witnesses from home depot nagin sent threatening intimidating emails,1
threatening emails from yelp are the best ,1
according to internet troll has been harassing and threatening me and my family for the last 4 years,1
believed to be same guy who sent threatening emails to roger williams law school earlier today ,1
everyone around me my friends my family would be so much better off without me,1
so have i so i have a plan to turn 18 and kill myself ,1
 my family would probably be better off without me don t say that ,1
reproachful b tch,1
you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
my friends go first point blank my family would be better off without me so yeah friends come first,1
heavy hearted very heavy hearted ,1
i m too depressed to go on you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
you ll be sorry when i m gone,1
what is something you have always wanted to try hm cutting wrist not eating till i get super thin jk ha ,1
had one of those fretful nights hoping today goes well sword of damocles is hanging above me for some reason ,1
 had one of those fretful nights hoping today goes well sword of damocles is hanging above me for some reason ,1
heavy hearted ,1
 shoutout to for almost cutting my wrist off and for almost catching my whole arm on fire ,1
hey guys i m back home today is kind of cheerless i just want to go to bed and sleep d ,1
you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
ehret tripping now they be cutting they wrist and shit hanging they self they on that dope here,1
i ve given up today and am just composing this kind of text ,1
so heavy hearted today ,1
do you often get the feeling that perhaps life isn t worth living ,1
feel like just ending it all my life isn t worth living without you in it ,1
noreen suicidal lang cutting your wrist hahaha x ,1
i bet i wud be cutting my wrist now if i were a girl but hey turn to allahswt its just a test from him haidar ,1
 this weather makes me wish i were dead ,1
i m too depressed to go on you ll be sorry when i m gone,1
i m too depressed to go on you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
 suicide attack ,1
 you ll be sorry when i m gone you re gonna miss me when i m gone,1
heavy hearted ,1
life really isn t worth living ,1
you ll be sorry when i m gone ,1
i m too depressed to go on you ll be sorry when i m gone,1
i wish you were dead ,1
 before i die i want to,1
 before i die i want to,1
and should you die before me i ll do the same ,1
i wanna get away but i don t know where i don t want to leave ,1
 i m more depressed then ever ,1
depressed angry tired done,1
very disappointed isn t offering anything closet to an alternative ,1
disappointed ,1
 i m so heartbroken by this my prayers go out to her family and friends ,1
i m hopeless and awkward and desperate ,1
full on harassing me at the end of school,1
drowning my sorrows in dirty chai and tattoo shows,1
she s all alone again wipping the tears from her eyes someday she feels like dying she gets so sick of crying ,1
or wake at night alone i am to wait i do not doubt i am to meet you again i am to see to it that i do not lose you ,1
feel so alone :(,1
i just need to leave her alone before i scare her away,1
well i tried to live without you and tears fall from my eyes i m alone and i feel empty god i m torn apart inside ,1
he looks so dejected and sad :(,1
 i walk this empty street along the boulevard of broken dreams ,1
i m such an outcast in my family ,1
what a day isolated status ,1
annoyed and upset ,1
i am unbearably alone,1
this movie got me all kids of depressed and disoriented like which way is up and down ,1
with the fearful strain that is on me night and day if i did not laugh i should die lolx,1
i m hella anxious ,1
 music reduces anxiety and also helps your mind and body get through stressful times ,0
the anxiety is killing me ,1
 planning is easy delivery is hard ,0
refusal anger negotiation depression acceptance,1
thanks man the anxiety might kill me ,1
fear is what stops you courage is what keeps you going ,0
depression is killing me ,1
depressed,1
 demi was depressed everyone said stay strong selena goes to rehab everyone says stay strong justins depressed and ever,1
 telling someone who s depressed to just get over it is like telling a blind person to just look harder ,1
 loneliness is all i ve been feeling lately and it hurts,1
i felt happy seeing an arsenal fan and a chelsea fan talking 2 or 1 another about their chances of winning d league title,0
 people who enjoy helping others and or spending money on others tend to be less stressed and happier ,0
love is when your parents eat the old rice so you can enjoy the fresh batch ,0
enjoy,0
 enjoy the spice of life try hotpot the shining star of sichuan cuisine,0
 stop stressing about school and just enjoy life live in the moment ,0
 enjoy life remember to be grateful for the little things be kind to the people around you and follow your heart ,0
 ask yourself what is really important and then have the courage to build your life around your answer ,0
the most important thing in life is to decide what s most important,0
 staying active is one of the most important ingredients of a healthy life,0
 your positive action combined with positive thinking results in success ,0
positive thinking find happiness and achieve your goals through the power of positive thought free ebook,0
 this makes my heart full of joy god is faithful congrats ,0
 holy mother of god i m full of joy thank you,0
 this makes my heart full of joy god is faithful congrats ,0
happy birthday i wish happy you a life full of happiness and joy,0
rt happy birthday you talented gal hope it s full of joy ,0
today s spread looks lovely a sight to breathe in full of joy peace and love,0
happy birthday you talented gal hope it s full of joy,0
 always thanks sooo much my dearest marie a time full of love and joy for you sleep well,0
it s true when they say if you start thinking positive you ll be happier,0
believe in positive thinking life is a beautiful thing be your own motivation ,0
ways of positive thinking t co e5iedwwlif,0
knowing they were doing something to resist umbridge and the ministry gave harry a feeling of immense satisfaction,0
 even if you ain t got no paper bring your motivation to the table ,0
 one year after retirement i hope you are enjoying the busy pensioner life ,0
life isn t about having things to enjoy life it s about enjoying life with the things you have ,0
 real life enjoying the lil things that matters the most,0
 baha is all over the world are celebrating the bicentenary of the birth of baha u llah ,0
 nice gesture by fans to create a common dp for celebrating s birthday ,0
as colleen amp i begin 35 years of marriage today i still love my wife amp best friend great celebrating with amp ,0
 hockey etiquette 101 when celebrating a goal make sure you don t miss anyone ,0
loved celebrating our sweet rachel this weekend ,0
 celebrating another sundevil big win with my boyz,0
sure just get that homework done while celebrating that poin,0
world has got the right path celebrating d matri pitri pujan diwas started by ,0
 it s okay to be proud of your progress even if you re not exactly where you want to be you re getting there,0
 i know you think you re sad that the cowboys don t play today but any day your team can t lose is an occasion worth celebrate,0
 world got the right path celebrating matri pitri pujan diwas started by ,0
 congratulations again to for taking the asia regional finals title thanks to for giving out,0
 2 wins in 2 weeks congratulations machine,0
 girl i wanna look this good when i m pregnant lol congratulations beautiful i hope it s a girl so she can be like u,0
 2 wins in 2 weeks congratulations machine,0
 congratulations to gorb for graduating middle school we all hope you strive for greatness like you do on cod4,0
 congratulations india on beating pakistan 3 1 in thank you for the advance diwali gift,0
congratulations jim i m a great editor not a great media artist ,0
congratulations john i m a creepy actor not a sweet actor,0
no one should ever be driven to the point of suicide especially not by those you have done nothing but cared for ,0
 had a feeling it was going to be a great day got to meet john stockton before the game,0
what a great feeling and never gave up well done kept a cool head all weekend is nothing,0
i woke up feeling great ,0
keep it up you do good work ,0
paxton fans keep up the good work this young lady is really talented,0
work two jobs in school gotta car my own apartment a boo life s going good for me right now and i m only 19,0
bad habits are more difficult to identify in your work life ,0
happy birthday big guy keep up the good work,0
 anyways arohas lets work hard to show our love and support for astro in this comeback as they provide us with another good,0
i have amazing people in my life that encourage nothing except the positive thank you lord for blessing me ,0
it s a great time in life we can help you design an amazing wedding ,0
 choose a job you love and you will never have to work a day in your life happy future our amazing students,0
consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm winston churchill,0
 i love to see palestinians dancing and having fun good amp positive stories deserve to go viral as well ,0
 it s all fun amp games until you re throwing up hotcheetos,0
 what a fun day ,0
take it all back was so fun,0
i am loving you a n d line at the moment and my bank balance is liking it too great style made affordable,0
 i am such a loving and caring person,0
sbux is exclusively playing rostam and beck i am loving it,0
i have liked ryder for quite awhile amp it was good to see him perform on a televised fight i am loving it,0
i am loving what i just read about love it ,0
 daughter was delighted to see this assistant referee today her hair is like mine can i be a referee ,0
 wasn t the performance we wanted but delighted with a point we re still unbeaten amp got the best gk in the world,0
 cheers for more wonderful years with highlight happy 8th anniversary guys _highlight,0
 your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life keep the faith it will all be worth in the end ,0
just woken up very pleased he won was it a good match ,0
sounds pretty fine to me and very pleased to hear that creepy is your cup of tea too ,0
 i m pleased to announce that i will be releasing a limited amount of my why u mad merch this friday ,0
 the indian roller a bird considered auspicious in india ,0
 remembering the legendary former sh on his auspicious birthday,0
 what a dominating performance let the celebrations begin best wishes for the games ahead,0
 delighted to join the centenary celebrations of patna university sharing my speech during the programme today ,0
focus on opportunities more than you focus on money ,0
 if you find someone that makes you happy enjoy it life is not fair nor give many opportunities ,0
 just keep going forward no matter what,0
jealousy is important for a person to move ahead in life it keeps you on your toes and helps you realize,0
i be asking god why do i keep loosing people in my life but i see why everyday you can t move ahead in life,1
 sometimes in life amp love situations in order to move ahead we just have to give ourselves over to being vulnerable amp,0
 i swear to move forward or get ahead in life,0
done with the stress,1
may you live every day of your life jonathan swift,0
appreciate and be grateful for every given moment and live your life with love joy,0
live your best life,0
life s so short man i couldnt stress enough how important it is for you to live your love with peace and good energy ,0
you were born to live your life and not someone else s,0
 yeah well math made me want to fucking kill myself why don t yall pull that off from the curriculum,1
when kashdoll said yall hoes kill me always want the next bitch issue bitch you want her life but dont know what she been through ,1
 can someone kill me i hate school,1
 im a loser baby so why don t you kill me,1
i know in the end i will be left again because myself is not important at all,1
 be true to yourself and love anyone your heart desires ,0
 how u out here stressing amp helping people when u aint straight yourself u have to make sure ur good before u could,0
learn to love yourself first be happy alone no one will love you or be happy with you if you can t even do it them facts ,0
 armys after all of this win or lose reward youself you deserve it don t beat yourself up love yourself ,0
 love yourself ,0
 i think you ought to know i m feeling very depressed ,1
hello sir today i felt very depressed coz my first mba accounts exam wasn t good ,1
read allegiant by why why veronica why why did you kill her i m very sad depressed to read that tris died ,1
fucku lol shoot me one now,1
shoot me now ,1
 kill me now,1
been up since 3 and now i have work please kill me,1
i m begging you pls kill me now,1
kill me now,1
jesus christ all i wanted was some support but now i can t even ask for that unless it s going to kill me ,1
kill me now,1
kill me now,1
i am so sorry,1
 you gotta love yourself before you can properly love someone else ,0
yourself you can do anything if you want you can be anything if you want i love you smile a lot and be happy for me too ,0
always love yourself first before you can love anyone else always put your self first bc in the end you will still have yourselves,0
i want to die,1
i don t want to see her brutally die,0
i want to save the animals people lets not die ,0
i want to live but i also wana die sometimes,1
i don t want kakashis strip club to die i won t be thread famous any more and that s like a crime,0
yes i want to die ,1
suddenly i want to die,1
with that said i just want to announce that i m coming back i am so excited to get started and to get back into the game i have so many ideas inspiration never dies and i cannot wait to share all of my new ideas and creations with all of you beautiful people 4 4 ,0
 there are some opinions on the internet that just make me want to die i mean they re entitled to it but it s stupid ,0
omg i want to die it was a fu king english accent,0
till i die suddenly i want to die today now right this moment so i can be free ,1
the world is falling apart will we rebuild or will we all die my fellow lgbtqs we love so hard but we must also fight as the time is coming together we are so strong i always want to believe that shoot the orange bastard,0
eh i want to die,1
are these police resignations due to tactics that kill ppl or do they feel that they only want to protect and serve themselves i don t want anyone to die ,0
this is the hill jeff sessions wants to die on i just donated to campaign ,0
i want to know how it feels to be hugged before i die ,1
i m the one that s got to die when it s time for me to die so let me live my life the way i want to ,0
when i die i want to have your art on my gravestone oh my goddd its so soft and ths coloured one is so gorgeous,1
so despite generations of inequality strife i can apply to whatever job i want without thinking about my resume thrown in the trash bc of my name can get pulled over without worrying i might die that s the difference so can we throw out that my people struggled too take ,0
i don t want to die ,0
this is the kind of concert i deserve to attend but life is not going how i want it right now i might just cry and die ,0
didn t say kill immediately of course i don t want anyone to die but the officer is clearly seen trying to taser the man with no effect and this man had no right to be holding that taser he stole it from the officer it wasn t his weapon,0
i thought it was about to come out and i was so excited the kind of game i m in the mood for is basically an interactive boot stomping into the british flavored face of big brother i didn t want a tlou2 that just reminds me how we re all going to die and everything is horrible ,0
i was 11 got mixed up in stuff outside the ground at goodison and terrified my dad didn t realise it was et we left and then we went back in at the liverpool end we were there 3 mins and said i want to go will never understand what he was thinking until the day i die ,0
i d die cause i don t want you to think i m your man or anything lmaooo shit sent me,0
i watched nico almost get wrecked by the cops live in minneapolis like a week and a half ago i m legit worried about these guys i appreciate them being out there but i don t want them to get hurt die for the story ,0
i want to own a hotel in the future by the time i die preferably 3 in the biggest cities in south africa amen goodnight ,0
spot on the die hards are waiting and this is a travesty the gold news is i was hitting fungos today with 10 kids that want to just play some ball in massachusetts,0
i hate myself and i want to die t,1
why is everyone acting like covid suddenly doesn t exist anymore i m tired of being stuck in my apartment alone i want to be able to visit my friends safely can t do that though because of the virus,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
every time i think of this i want to die a little ,1
 as a trans man that s not how it works trans women are women and i m pre top surgery i never feel the urge to play with any thing my chest makes me want to die every day is a struggle for us educate yourself ,0
i always thought boomers were the generation born after ww2 i got called a boomer but was born in 1972 they want anyone over 30 to die so they can raise their new generation of kids for the antichrist system,0
i know this white man did not tell us what to do with our movement when you allowed black and brown new yorkers to unnecessarily die because you didn t want to close the city during the peak of the pandemic i know you ain t tell us to go home cause we won ,0
i really believe that the government wants everybody to get the and hope everyone that survived it have immunity they don t care who dies or suffer from it there is no other reeason to open shit back up so soon,0
guys i want an army bomb so bad before my bts concert gets rescheduled if they sing we are bulletproof the eternal and i don t have one i ll cry,0
maybe i could die before next prayer so i just want to do my best everyday before my next prayer hanjoo how does islam change my life new korean muslim,0
i want to die,1
so when i was wheeled into the er and told that my kidneys were dead and i needed dialysis permanently and a transplant was my only option at first i didn t want to go on i told them to let me die i was sick scared and the thought of dialysis for the rest of my life ,0
before i die i want to get stupid high with and,1
i want to die first please ,1
old world don t look away i want you to watch our children die ,0
still haven t recieved my backpay or have gotten any info on the progress of it and i have bills coming up that i can t pay unless i get it i honestly want to die:) :),0
i want to die,1
i can not with this bs he wanted a supervisor because he didn t want to die they gave him no cause and she pulled a damn gun on him ,0
 first is by elwingbling and second is by crumbsworld both on insta last two were not credited i may feel like i want to die but i cannot not give credit ,0
i just need to know general surgeon in chicago just need to know if anybody else has this jackass in their emails dm so we can compare notes because he s making me want to die or at least quit the industry completely i feel like complete trash ,0
i don t want to to die people lets not die ,0
 i love you so much i love you as much as jesus and dad and im going to snuggle you til you die merritt s love can be a little overwhelming ,0
i m taking one for the team and watching it and it s literally a book report on the new fnaf comic book i want to die,0
sounds like someone i know who my friend said he scammed a halo but tweets he is useless and want to die and people want them to die give the halo back instead ,0
i want to change my paper topic from suspiria to ringu but im so afraid my professors going to grade my updated proposal and be like no you fucking idiot you cant change movies die,0
you re elcome now let s talk about that sacrifice list may i be added i want to die,1
i agree nobody cares we just want our childhood to not die horribly,0
it s very annoying when you send me discount vouchers on food that i cannot use as you do not deliver in my area why is this your the third food delivery company i have dealt with that dies not seem to want to deliver on the bs37 area why us this ,0
great job that thug stole a taser and pointed it at the cops it was self defense don t want to die don t threaten people with weapons you stole from them if he pointed a taser at me i would ve shot him too ,0
i have 1 hour and 41 mins left in hell i want to die omg,1
part of me wants to let my phone die out during this power outage so i can t be reached but then idk how i ma play music,0
with that being said i don t think i have the maturity it takes to marry a white woman ,0
i didnt find one yet i just do not want to also i have a talent for being very bad at killing monsters i will die,1
i was gonna tweet that you guys should take a drink every time they said something at the pc gaming show was epic but i didn t want any of you to die ,0
grace i want to die,1
he won t die he s been at 0mins to starvation for a whole day idk what to do with him i just want to be rid of the cheater ,0
it takesss tooooo long i die when i arrive travel the swears is so hard i want to know what is this,0
i don t want to die i just want this system that churns out abuse like apples to end i m sick of being doomed i m sick of being tired i m sick of being sad ,0
the way all these covid cases were in arcadia chandler gilbert and scottsdale i swear caucasians want to die ,0
i die a little inside whenever people call xiaojun just xiao if you really want to call him something else besides xiaojun just say dejun,0
i ll just sit here and complain about how much i want to die until i feel better,1
die shit i want to live again,0
i hate kenji i hate him so much when i see him i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why is he so evil and cruel i hate him i hate him i hate him,0
i want y all to know i m going canoeing and if i die in the process mariah did it and she is paying for my funeral cost i hope you see this you maniac,0
motherfucker i want to die it s simple,1
meet sal s mom she seems like she was a nice woman she didn t deserve to die really yeah i d love to try and make ya one what scent do ya want ,0
marcus we ain t boys u my niggas dats i want u get on why didn t kill u marcus ain t u afraid to die also my block,0
jreg i always want ed to die,1
i want to die,1
i m so bored i literally want to die waking up everyday and doing the same things over and over again feels like a nightmare replaying even my fluffy socks agree they don t like it either,0
me too but honestly i feel like pike would not want us to die for her but to live for ourselves instead all the more reason to stan,0
i think dark fic is like murder psychological horror and stuff bang or die is stories where characters are forced to have sex unless they want one or both of them to die like blackmail or like a deadly sex disease or something ,0
real hardddd tbh im prettybsure they just want the poor people and elderly to die cuz at this point nothing else makes sense,0
i hate oikawa antis i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
remember no one needs to die today i don t want to name names but keep that in mind today adam ,0
please i want to die epically i don t want to get mawled by a dog,0
i wouldn t be surprised if a meteor came and fell on me no oo i don t want to die yet ,0
it would be a real shame if someone were to tag her,0
i looked at the hidden and now i want to die,1
these are fully grown adults saying this shit y all are dumb af wow bruh if there wasn t a significant amount of people contracting covid from idiots that refuse to wear masks i d tell y all to do what you want die for your freedom if you want but it s not just about y all,0
my nephew cried hysterically a re he wants to sleep with me 6 yrs old simane o raga dikobo since i got into bed ive been pulling these blankets to make sure gore o tsene ka mo gare die laaitie o batla flu go nale di corona so go nna le ngwana you dont sleep for a few years,0
hope she sees that tweet,0
now kate wants to watch fried green tomatoes because she doesn t believe me that they kill and eat a guy which was the only thing i remembered from that movie,0
mashallah i must,0
make it so spicy i want to die and it s the perfect drink,0
sometimes i just really really really want to die,1
every time we see the bryant s smiling people make a big deal of it and i want y all to know that life really does move on after someone dies of course you miss them but you do smile again even as early as 2 4 weeks later ,0
cus i dont want to die young like agbalumo,0
all that i want is to wake up fine tell me that i m alright that i ain t gonna die,0
i don t want trump to die soon from his declining condition because he deserves to die in prison ,0
if you see this i want you to know that you are an angel that makes me very happy and i die of pride that you have an unspeakable talent and your voice is beautiful you are beautiful and i will always be with you yeah i love you,0
acid reflux been making me want to literally die i can t even eat drink sleep without being in extreme pain throat chest stomach is wildly inflamed i have nausea and a really bad migraine too ,0
might be time to go let sink into the muck along with and fox wants desperately to join the i say let them let all the legacy media die on the vine america is sick of being lied to by dweebs making 7 figures ,0
thinking about the person i was 5 years ago makes me want to throw up and die,0
you know how in breaking bad gus doesn t want hector to die because he wants to exact revenge i feel that way with trump i don t want him to die i want him sent to prison first then he can die ,0
more to come who wants to die for 35000 a year who would want to knock on crack house door and say pardon me but i have a social worker with me and we are here to arrest you ,0
i hate reveluvi hate them so muchwhen i see themi just want to diei feel my blood boilingand my skin burningand my eyes wateringmy heart dropsand i feel like fire is consuming my entire bodywhy are they so eviland crueli hate themi hate them so much,0
people really don t understand how the spread of misinformation especially about health causes me to have severe anxiety i m not a know it all i just don t want people to fucking die fuck you ,0
me i had anxiety last night so i couldnt sleep until 5am so dont be surprised if i accidentally crash the car or something dad its alright youll be fine me no i want to die lmao my dad dealing w my dramatic ass,0
love your family s no matter what i started the trend and i ll end it to but i want it to fall through fuck a mafucking hater life we die to live and we live to die but i do got problems and i need my damn medication as in a joint,0
and i hope he dies i hope he dies soon and i hope he s fucking miserable and in so much god damn pain even he wants to die and then i hope he burns in hell,0
i need to know what he had on him,0
break my heart i want to go and cry it s so sad to watch a sweet thing die,0
 you mean here in hell we in hell right well i am able to visit here whenever i want i sometimes just like to visit i can t really die i m immortal ,0
hlononofatso kubheka has a nice ring to it,0
me i am unhappy i want to die y all awe post ass and tits:(,1
idk if i tweeted this or not cause i literally have alzheimer s but therapy is a fucking joke the moment you say you want to kill yourself they put you in a ward like bitch you just make me wanna die more ,0
can t believe i m still thinking about her,0
all my irls having parties and i can t go bc i don t want my family to die,0
i be feeling so conflicted watching animal shows like i don t want the cheetah to starve to death but i don t want the bby zebra to die either,0
i ve had 200 new followers since started less than a week ago people are listening to all of us who ve raised our voices is this the hill i want to die on emphatically yes with you marvellous people by my side ,0
worked 8 5 without having anything to eat and running on a latte my feet are killing me and i want to die,0
confession but i ve only watched patrick and david exchange vows once because like david seeing two people even fictional profess their love for each other makes me want to crawl into a corner and die and i get really bad secondhand embarrassment i know i have a problem ,0
me on my ig story i want to die oh my god everything is terrible i m sitter of living end my misery already friend who has seen it hey is everything ok me just fine :),0
that s mad,0
everyone has the right to pick the hill they want to die on i just don t think the celebration and glorification of treason racism and slavery is the hill worth dying on fighting against those things is a hill worth dying on ,0
the mother fucker better not fucking die now i want to see him get landslided on nov 3rd and i want to watch him live with that for a while longer that would be more satisfying at this point and i think him as the gop nominee gives democrats the best chance to sweep ,0
 i have the worst lungs in existence so i will die in the saddest way possible if i catch rona lmao i want to choose how i die thanks,0
i want to watch 1000 ways to die lol,0
sometimes people jokingly or not say that they want to die it s a terrible thing to wish death upon someone else or even yourself that s why it s better to just say i m sick of being me or i need to change this in my life stay strong boys and especially you sam ,0
i want to get an iud but omg the things i hear about birth control like i don t want kids but i don t want to die either,0
where the f with u at with you got robbed i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel,0
i swear this person went to a braai helang do people want to die,0
are the die casts for sale this is a car i don t want to miss ,0
my 4yo before bed two nights ago said daddy am i going to die i don t want to die i want to live forever i ve never felt more lost for words ,0
i want to die i ask to my mom if i can buy a new controller and ori and the blind forest she say me i need to see your school grades 10 minutes later my teacher dm me saying that im really low i m going to die fuck the worst thing is it wasn t my fault ,0
am i the only fucking person who felt nothing at the critic burnt fight if the dumb bih didn t want to fucking die he wouldn t have wandered so far from the station,0
in the last few days i have been losing it with the food cravings like i want to get orange chicken fried chicken spicy basil rice vermicelli salmon nigiri and a burger and put it together and eat it all in one go and then die,0
ehhh ga has a no chase law and again death you reek of the benefit of white privilege i fell asleep in my car i don t want to die the end ,0
i just want to say that muby told me that i should die ,0
so i think it s very telling that a certain site is leaving why wouldnt they want to stay and gloat shove there magical ship in our faces its all very telling how this proves she dies anyways love you all,0
tbh he s following his leaders advice trump said bleach would be good for us against covid19 he ended his pathetic insult i can t see it anymore he blocked me after he sent that tweet with his orange man s own advice does he want me to die or not ,0
guess what they didn t bother me one bit it s funny when white people are more offended by slurs towards people of color than they are lol nobody wants to be in a relationship with a fair weather fan anyway i want my ride or die with me so that guy was better off ,0
i want to live on a sustainable planet people lets not die ,0
our culture really does have a problem with this kind of behavior same shit w masks now and i ve even experienced seatbelt cautious driving shaming sorry i just want to not die or kill anyone else how can people consider that lame ,0
as i typed this i watched a customer pull down his mask to pick his fucking nose i want to die,0
do you want me to start sending you the videos i can think of 10 cases off the top of my head with videos still on the net are you sure you want to die on this hill ,0
 i want to die dream on ,1
health potion hot wings are they to die for or are they to live for not gonna lie i want 20 ,0
i think i need to take my what if i die tomorrow headshot there s only like 20 pictures of me in existence and i wouldn t want any of them to be my death photo gotta look fly when you die ,1
i had a dream last night that fallout 4 finally clicked with me and i want to die ,0
i will die on this hill i don t hate beer and i can get with it in the right situations but shaming people for drinking what they want to is some bullshit and if you do it i don t fuck with you ,0
i just ate an entire pizza i want to die,0
you brought it up your transgender and i get it you want too support like minds but the cost is expensive lets focus on all people that cant afford to go to a doctor because of aca and will die with out surgery or medications,0
i don t want to die but i also don t want to continue living like this,1
seeing that i m mute i can tweet anything i want to let me start with this we all should die and allow dogs to take control ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruff ruffruff,0
i might just pull some old white woman shit and go there to get it i just dont want my 100 tree to die :(,0
hahahahahaha i want to die,0
i wouldnt want to die any other way,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
well that s all i m going by you know then reports saying he s dead it s bad if he is or pray to god he isn t i don t want him to die for the sake of a tweet ,0
as inspired by another tweet i saw just now if i die because i am refused treatment due to being trans please politicize it politicizing my death in that situation is exactly what i would want ,0
 i am ene i will be your opponent if you want to die then come here takane,0
i ve been home since end of february as i am high risk and not ready to die now i wonder why i would even want to go out,0
i don t want you to die let me fight your whole ass country,0
finally i want you to imagine that for 400 years people that look like you have been murdered enslaved by white supremacy that you continue to die in the street at their hands maybe it s your own son there s a town that celebrates 1 of those white supremacists cont ,0
i sometimes actually want to die when i have anger issues is horrible i have said so many times that :(,0
his looks is so dangerous i can t call police in his presence it could be 10minutes after he has left i don t want to die young ,0
i just want to die fuck all of the conditions and motivations ,1
accepting marriage proposals right now i don t want to die a cherry boy ,0
catra is such a mood i act the same way when i get sick screaming just take me already i want to die adora is just nope deal with it also love the idea of the best friend squad making a day of it to help catra recover ,0
i m nwot gonna gib you something u want,0
better than licking deep state boots every day i would rather drink my own urine and wash it down with a vile of 100 covid than get down on my knees and grovel for george soros to pay my bills every night just a reminder bill gates wants all of us to die including you ,0
a few days ago i sent dms to and i want to punch myself in the fucking face they are so cringey i pray he never sees them or i will die like i will do it i will ,0
i want to die,1
more like learn to die i want to learn when i m old ,0
it took me a second to really look at this post and i want to die ,0
i just want to do your hair again or at least see your videos together again my gosh the how to selfie one nearly made me wet myself i forget what you told us to say or do to make the perfect lip pout was it whispering the word watermelon i die ,0
what s up my life is falling apart and there s literally nothing i can do about it i want to die,1
i can t stand living in this house anymore no one values me no one gives me support and love i can t stand to live anymore i really want to die i can t stand to live a second in this shit fuck it all ,1
i am a product of forced rehab and 25 yrs later i am a very strong advocate of it i didn t want to stop using but i stayed in rehab long enough for something to click it doesn t always work but it s better than letting them die on the streets,0
i sometimes have these moments of unabashed confidence where i feel like i don t give a shit about what pronouns i m called until someone calls me a young lady with their full chest and i want to die again,0
sure i don t want cops to die because even bad people are people but cops love to spread the myth that they risk their lives to protect civilians but then shoot civilians as soon as they think there might be the slightest risk to themselves ,0
i want to die,1
i asked my parent to see a psychologue again they think i want to see one to be cool like wtf i want to see a psychologue cause i want to die mom,0
oml i actually want to die,1
probably because he didn t want to die and probably because they re cops i can ask bad faith questions too why didn t your parents raise you right ,0
i don t want you to die i want you to see me fly,0
i ll stop showing up to interviews wasted when you stop making me shower and walk out here like i don t want to die next question ,0
locking my account,0
oomf reminds me of one of my ex friends it kinda makes me want to die bc i love interacting w her but i can t stop thinking about that old friend yk,0
if me and clayton don t start dating get married have 2 red headed children and live in a nice 2 story house with an indoor pool and a gym and host neighborhood get togethers every few weeks and both be buried next to eachother when we die i rlly don t want it,0
back from ohio i ll be gonna again in two weeks going to spend the next few days weeks months however long my mom wants me for after to help take care of my grandma ,0
me i totally don t need a cart or any help and could you please stop breathing my direction cuz i m worried it s going to disturb the careful balance i have going here and i really don t want to drop anything else or i may literally die of shame cuz i was too cool to get a cart,0
i just want to die right now i ve fucked it up so much with everyone and no one is my real friend and i feel so alone i want to be with my mother now bye forever ,1
just because i wanna kill myself doesn t mean i want to die,0
i believe the thug hiding behind the bandana uttered you want to die out here ,0
mara luke i don t want to discourage your curiosity but i have to remind you if something goes wrong this is an exceptionally embarrassing way to die luke i ll trust you to improve the story luke skywalker goes out in a blaze of glory in battle with a red devourer ,0
i know i should die but i don t want to ugh,1
baby steps gotta win elections if you want be in a spot where you can enact real change no one wants to see o g die faster than me but your idea of a higher bar government just isn t going to happen i wish it would but let s be realistic ,0
it ain t even like that i didn t even know she was international,0
 0 i wanna do that,0
not impressed with his boxing but i also don t want to die ,0
i never said that but his actions have consequences and so do police officers responding to calls we are now at tit for tat an officer will die for this somewhere who had nothing to do with it because people want to commit crimes without police interference that s all ,0
i m not in fear at all we all live and die but it s about showing respect for your community you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom right wearing a mask for 20 minutes at the store is the exact same concept like i said i can discuss all the facts if you want ,0
i didn t even got that far seeing elizabeth in a made me want to die,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
and by it i mean our lives are worth it i don t want to die alone drowning in my own fluids ,0
i dont want to kill myself but i just want to die i don t want to be here anymore i don t find joy in anything i just don t see the meaning of living like this,1
is bejennia her real name coz if it is waaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,0
literally people who want to die tell others that dying is bad like how much can i rela,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
i want to die ,1
i dont want to die like joffrey hhhh,0
i want to ruin the rapist punish the criminal violate the abuser end the murderer its not that i take life for granted its only that the good wont make it innocence dies while villainy thrives,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
 part of the fun that s 100 your opinion i don t want to spend my time mindlessly doing bounties i want to shoot shit in it s face and preferably not 100x until it dies focusing engrams is already expensive when u get to the higher focuses ,0
maybe but we can die on that hill when we get there until then i can understand a community deciding they don t want these statues as daily reminders of treasonous rebellion for the right to maintain dominance over enslaved people ,0
i d do it for free tbh,0
when i die i want to be reincarnated as a street cat in kyoto japan,1
all i want is nothing more to hear you knocking at my door cause if i could see your face once more i could die a happy man i m sure,0
oh no,0
i want to die,0
i m not rich or poor i never think i m rich i never want to be poor but that s not the point i want to say the point is no matter how rich you are we don t die with full of money in our grave please chew this shit ,0
i m a die hard basketball fan so i want to see the season resume i didn t understand the message now i do,0
if the officer involved wanted to go back home to his family had better shoot him i don t want anyone to die but the officer would have been incapacitated by the taser the offender could have easily disarmed him and killed him ,0
i m so happy for you guys finally getting to play persona 4 golden on pc but god am i so tired of persona 4 i do not want it anymore it is not appealing it is the weakest game in the persona line and in the smt franchise ,0
ah ah what if i want to die single boss,0
just standard procedure,0
fuck you youre the fucking reason i want to die you piece of shit,1
tinashe s beard connects and his waves are on 360 what are you doing with this bozo ,0
i hate enes i hate him so much when i see him i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why is he so evil and cruel i hate him i hater him so much,0
 when i realized i didn t want to die anymore because i don t want to leave her here alone wow,0
c chu want me to die ,0
it won t last,0
no i read it he wants to apologize for being a bad son so he sacrifices years of his life for hers since she had to give up a lot of him growing up but she just looks young so he s like i ll die if you don t follow your dreams you never got to it s pretty sweet ,0
same bro they re having him over there,0
 it sure seemed like i upset you but what did you want me to do let you die without a second though she looked at him and rubbed her right arm a bit then sighed a little you re speaking full sentences without hiccuping every other word so that is a good sign i think ,0
wow some people just want to die i guess,0
i hate nevies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i want some more foot slaves look at them aren t they to die for bitch i want you cleaning them with your tongue bitch femdom findom,0
i hate but i hate bc i love i love so much that i want to die bc it hurts if i keep going this hatred will explode and ill one day just go feral,0
idk if i d call it ego but i never quit even when it s a lost game because it feels both disrespectful and also if my partner didn t connect i don t want to give my enemy a free win and will fight till i die may be ego i don t think i can win it though ,0
frrr or it s like my grandma is dying and she wants to see me in a relationship before i die be my fake gf like what sort of scenario ,0
they rly killed justin foley i want to die rhat was my baby,0
i want to die,1
the fact that i personally heard her say everything makes me want to die,0
me elizabeth says i m supposed to continue fighting righteous fights i think my next righteous fight is going to be me dying dietitian pause no no no no elizabeth warren did not mean you dying she meant the opposite of that she wants you to live not die no ,0
i just want to burn the world down and then die alone ,1
i m so glad and excited for everyone but i can t help but feel sorry for myself i m 23 and i ve not been happy in years i just want to laugh and smile and hug and drink and game and eat with my ppl time is going bye i won t die i won t quit but it s been over 5 years ,0
damn i want my birthday to come can we die on my birthday please,1
tired of life i want to die,1
real shit i don t want to die or kill my husband smh ,0
not riaan,0
i haven t ate anything in 26 hours i want to die what the fuck is going on,0
i don t want to die for barely there wages in a position of servitude to the institution the priviliged ignorant white people who have fed into the conspiracies but more than that i don t want to get covid then live with permanent damage to my lungs or wherever else ,1
i want to die,0
so i thought i had gotten it out of my system and would be able to do something productive but now my brain wants me to draw patrochilles so guess ill die,0
i love this more and more people who are disobeying social distancing and mandatory mask orders are dying and i want to see more people die of stupidity i hear that the republican party isn t requiring masks for their events and honestly that s awesome i wanna see more deaths ,0
me every day i need a job person trying to be helpful you could try looking for job me oh sorry i actually meant i want to die ,0
idk but i feel like i want to die after watching that ,0
i just want my eng professor to know that i would die for her,0
armchair quarterbacks with grey hair watch out they do not want to die what happens next they are asking netflix original show about that would cost you only what i need to live on i am a cockroach,0
i say let them die if idiots want to devolve and become shrieking crabs then leave them too it as long as we follow the guidelines and wear masks that s fine,0
i guess everyone wants to be quarantined again or die from the virus i fear will have another outbreak one will stand and one will go in the name of jesus amen ,0
oof saw this late but literally same i m doing school work and i wanna die i just want to not have any to do but i have so much to do ,0
i m listening to a coding breakdown of yandere simulator and i m angry not only is the coding awful and makes me want to die because that s what 11 year old me did but also because this person doing the breakdown doesn t really know what he s talking about either ,0
of course i am i am vulnerable to i don t want to die and i don t want to risk anyone else dying either and i m not a selfish twunt yes i am judging those of you not wearing one selfish murdering twunts the lot of you come at me ,0
twitter erased my accnt telling too much info of who s going to die 1st i have hidden knowledge am a true prophet if you want to hear truth you can follow my twitter most twitter accounts are robot super computers www is 666 in hebrews numerical value 2 races will be killed1st,0
chara scared child noises and i begin to cry i don t want to die,0
why can t i just die seriously universe like a car crash or something please i don t want to be responsible for my own death please i don t want to hurt people please ,1
right we all die people tend to not want to talk about that or think they will live forever its all a matter of when and how somethings i think is worse than death hell in my mind is where nothing makes any logic what is truth right i believe julias cesar asked jesus that,1
don t know how much i want to share openly via the internet i will say i have walked both sides of this fence one of if not the most significant lesson has taught me is that we are reternally multidimensional we can not die so when individuals are speaking to ,0
i m bored and i want my notifications to fucking die so spam my replies with bots i would literally pay someone to write this essay for me,0
i want to know who cries when i die ,1
i hate army i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
i hope i have one whole day that i don t want to die only one day,1
i always aks myself everyday can i die i don t wanna any more i used to want see so many things in the future but these day i just want to feel free on one stay with me when i found the problem all i have it s only me โรคซ มเศร า เม อไหร จะตายได เม อไหร จะร สบาย,1
and i don t want you to die,0
 you try to learn the universe can t even converse in human verse you know its ironic smoking hydroponic she makes me want to die change my stride then i ll fly with bowie and prince gone is the last music ultra genius alive ,0
what was clear is that money is making this decision and neither side wants to actually play i hope you remember this when the game dies this was the moment it began this off season and the unnecessary squabble that came from this mess ,0
i literally want to actively die ,0
 so you want to stay here and die slowly i ll bring back to your room ,0
i hate nevies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i want to die chyba bo mam wielki sentyment,0
i really wanna see it but i don t want to die for a bond movie either ,0
i want to die haha,0
i want to die rn,0
god i fucking want to die,1
i just read many of the opinions one fact is missing one that greatly concerns me no matter the side other people will die because of the choices of some if you want to put your life at risk that s a personal choice but putting mine at risk that pisses me off ,0
 don t be rude to them even if they are rude to you if you don t want to die sounds awfully like don t dress sexy if you don t want to be raped to me they re police officers they aren t above the law i pretty sure standard procedure for smart mouths isn t death ,0
damn i feel this soo much it s one of the reasons i left my best friend behind recently i m not doing so great because i m not doing a whole lot right now but i have goals and dreams care deeply and want to have a nice future he told me he wants to party and die young ,0
i want my cluster and i want that planet to die just make that happen ,0
if any of my trans followers run into terfs or people just being shitty to them but don t want to block feel free to dm me and i will show up to annoy the shit out of them until they die of exhaustion i will untag you unless you are specifically looking for a dance partner ,0
just want to sort these rumours out once and for all there is absolutely no footage of me crying on sunderland till i die ,0
damn i was really close,0
i was girl in the village doing alright,0
i hear that these vaccines would be mandatory and if you do not participate you will not be allowed to enter certain places well if that s true why worry about someone who doesn t want to be vaccinated and protected while everyone else is protected let me die ,0
wow i seriously want to die,0
however we need to continue to spread awareness of the people killed by the racist american system so i will tweet the hashtags but how many more hashtags are we going to need before we get actual change in this country how many more people have to die ,0
i think it s cause i want to die im not scared,1
my hair looks like shit it s so damaged and my curls look ugly so no i m not ok i want to die,0
lmao when did this become about clout mira made videos abt george because it was fun cool i think if she wants to move on let the girl be its not like they would die without her,0
if i die by the hand of this asshole just want to let you know that i hate my life so it s okay if i die,0
u no no i don t want to die i i was just manipulating her like you do yeah yeah ,0
why is it even a thing to argue make light of politicize a deadly virus is it hard to wear a mask social distance so someone else s loved one doesn t die alone in a hospital my daughter had cancer surgery in dec copd i m 72 asthma do what you want bt stop the snark,0
i ve heard pence is a clone and the real pence has already been tried and put to death i m hope it is true not that i want to see anyone die but trying to kill our beloved potus is treason in the highest level pedo s deserve death and i believe he is one ,0
i want to know where i can find that hair die wig whatever and your hot girl summer outfit for my girl,0
omg i m dying they started using female pronouns i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die,0
they really need to make a spoiler free search engine for book characters i want to know what colour her fucking hair is not that she fucking dies ,0
yeya i want to know what you guys want to see as porn first,0
 i m the one that s got to die when it s time for me to die so let me live my life the way i want to jimi hendrix,0
aphrodite stared daggers at the god before she walked over to him her face right up against his as she whispered harshly i want what i can t have forgive me for ensuring that you stay alive and not have your head crashed by ares unless you wish to die that is ,0
ive stuck to having fake plants in my room because every time i try they die from lack of sun but im at the point where i dont want anymore plastic greenery i wanna breathe the real shit innnnnn,0
german rap any other rap fight me,0
i don t want to die,0
when i die i want to become a guardian spirit of the forest who ll eat poachers and clearcutters for fun,0
plsss i want to fucking die,1
i have so much going on in my head just full of theories but its like the theories i think are to damn real and they might not be just theories man i need to write a book or sumn because if i die tommorow no oen will ever know i dont want clout i want there to be awareness ,0
police there to protect statues protesters there to protect statutes protesters want to kick the fuck out the police i m glad i m nearly old enough to die ,0
i kind of want some dick i kind of want to die ,0
the fact i have to move back to warner robins for a whole month makes me want to die,0
started doing this hip dip workout and i literally want to die,0
my main issue is wanting to run attend or spectate a local does not equate too i want everyone there to die i want all of their families to get sick and die people attending events more than likely are going to be in the lowest possible risk group as well ,0
i hate ajna i hate her so much when i see her i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why is she so evil and cruel i hate her i hater her so much,0
woke up from a nap and i want to die ,1
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
 she reassured him but i mean you don t have to if you don t want she trailed off still tripping over her own words due to her nervousness it would hopefully die down soon enough and she d be able to act like a normal human being ,0
yeah why would some idiots want to do this i mean what did they get out of this it s so sad that there is as many sick people walking around with no shame there may not be justice all the time on this planet but boy i help they have to answer for it when they die ,0
scared to die because i don t want the ones that i love and that love me to hurt ,1
i take it back then bitch i don t want u to die wtf :(,0
you would think blm would want all americans on there side for reform so why don t they because they are the dnc this isn t about race it s about radical socialism they want us to give them free money and land i ll die first ,0
i don t like delaying my salaah because what if i just die in that time but also why would you want to delay speaking to your creator,0
i hate nevies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
today would ve been the day i saw flume live in front of me i want to die slowly ,0
im going to fucking shoot myself ive been in the car w my family all day i want to die,1
i want to die i ,1
 i dont want him to die but he should totally die ,0
thats so sad when i die my legacy will be on twitter the thought of that makes me want to kms,1
i seems out governor along with a lot of other people want older folks to get sick and die because they refuse to follow medical professionals advice on face masks and social distancing texas again sets record high of covid 19 hospitalizations,0
i suddenly want to die my hair blue,0
i may want to die but for the 3 minutes 17 seconds i m listening to harry styles cover of juice that feeling is gone ,1
cheddar cheese pretzel combos are so fucking good i want to die ,0
his smile wooooow i want to die,0
the only reaccuring thought i ve had for the past week is i want to die but i m not suicidal like i wouldn t harm myself just lowkey wouldn t mind not waking up tomorrow,1
lowkey some nigerian parent s are telling u to either do prostitution or scam men for money bcos you didn t send ur child money in two months you want the child to die abi do dey think dey pay salary in school some parents need to do better ,0
ok i filtered my notifs for the night i don t want my phone to die 3 good night,0
if it s too much leave do not tell me to mitigate my behavior to control switching to be someone that i can t be in a given moment i keep telling you it and you don t hear me it s maddening i want to see you try calling me sylvan could cause me to die stop it please ,0
i want to go nuts with stickers all over my macbook but the things is old as balls and is only really good as a movie slave for when i m in bed i don t want to give it the sticker treatment and then have it die,0
i don t want no lunchbox friends no i want someone who understands oh oh no come to my house let s die together friendship that would last forever no no lunchbox friends no oh no lunchbox friends come to my house let s die together friendship that would last forever,0
i want consequences stop fucking strawmanning my words i never said that the solution is to let more innocent people die i have only said that doing the exact same thing to cops isn t the solution why do you insist on painting everything so black and white ,0
i want to die i can t do this anymore,1
if such vigilantism becomes acceptable soon enough people will start being killed over it or killing themselves everyone makes mistakes or acts out in anger none of us are above that imagine having your life ruined over something so minor to the point you want to die 2 ,0
i doubt it happens i think a lot of folks have come to the realization in their minds that people are going to get sick and die but they still need to do what they want,0
i want to die,1
i ve never put down a short working day in my entire career i also happen to be severely medically immunocompromised so yes i worry about the fact that i could die because the numbnut in the des wants to make a name for himself ,0
i ve been in this bath for hours if i drown an die i don t want to donate my organs and no autopsy pls and thnx,1
fuck i want to die,1
before i die i want to impact lives positively ,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
 as we all know my life is half a step away from death because of ferid but i d like to say for my death wish please do not let ferid die now because i love him but because if we give him what he wants death wouldnt that be a little foolish ,0
y all please don t let these greedy politicians fool you on a selfless level i want y all to live lead full lives on a selfish level i don t want the trauma of watching more ppl die and being scared of being next they know they are killing ppl ,0
our loved ones suffered but almost 4 years later seeing it s effects on my mom who was also traumatized watching her mother die i d recommend you try to deal with your trauma not only your grief our loved ones would want us to eventually be okay after they passed,0
i want to die but this ciders good,0
i want to fucking die,1
i want you to fucking die and i refuse to feel bad about it ,1
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
but it seems that he is only interested in money and i hope that your game does not die because i really like it but i want you to understand that not everyone agrees with your shit,0
i don t want to die because people are stupid and arrogant,0
i just want him to die,0
wait til all the blm crap dies down i wouldn t want her campaigning on that we have to pull canada out of the swamp first ,0
i want zayn to be his best self and be as happy as possible but i would die if i was able to see him perform live again,0
having a cocktail in my own damn living room because there s a pandemic going on and i dont want people to die ,0
alex poor depressed princess single cute hybrid don t touch my tail and ears or i will get mad c nice lonely hates life wants to die,0
it s a problem and the christian right has made it worse in recent years i think it will die down when the next thing they want to attack comes up i know this doesn t help now the more exposure to trans people through media and personal relationships will change minds ,0
im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry i just want to die i just wanna die i just wanna die i just wanna die i just wanna die,1
before i die i forgive all those who have done wrong to me i just want one when i die pray for me so we all friends meet in the last i will miss friends family and everything and places i have been to when i was alive,1
don t confuse the weakness of a few idiots to be the norm of this nation we are the scary ass sleeping giant that nobody wants to wake up i wasn t afraid to die for this country when i was a young man and i damn sure ain t scared now watch your stereotyping ,0
 why you want her to let the rare era die she doesn t had to much time with it because what the world is going through right now i think she should drop a new music video or something related to this era ,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i wonder why don t black lives matter in africa why are their 9 million slaves in africa today why do they choose not to fight for their lives if black lives matter so much you can walk around and be whatever you want to be but in africa they can not they absolutely die,0
i dont want to see him die trying to win a title either,0
yall want me to die i miss them so much,0
i wish i could reach out to more of my mutuals but they probably think im out of control they want nothing to do with me theyd rather i die,0
no no no not fat shaming i love you forever but no also the next time u see steve schmidt will you tell him i love him and also want him to live forever but just in case can i have his apartment when he dies god that place is fabulous zoom you have told me too much ,0
before i die i want to be brave and see a permanent before i die wall to give hope to those who feel alone,1
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
 why don t you just die already he told me but really that s all i want to do ,0
my mind every weekend do something or we die me but everything is boring i don t want to do anything my mind do something or we die ,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i lowkey want to die looking at this,0
we just got iced and now i want to die,0
it s wild cuz i never knew adult beds were actually dangerous for babies before i had one of my own i never intended to bedshare for social reasons but i really didn t know babies die that way i will only approach someone i have a good relationship with abou it cuz i don t want,0
no in order to forgive them you must get over what happen you never forget sure you dont but you just leave it in the past and move on i have let my past die and i live for god he will always be the future and he dont want you to bring with you your past ,0
whoever ships this i want you to die,0
i hate looking at my aesthetic saved stuff because most of it is so soft it makes me want to die like gorl i haven t looked at this since well damn i don t even know how long,0
fawn fawn fawn tavros twists onto his back and puts his hands above his head wait please wait i ll do whatever you want john i just don t i don t want to die like this ,0
looks like a clean shooting to me don t want to die how about don t resist arrest fight with the police steal one of their weapons run while shooting it at them i mean come on guys use some common sense this guy was basically asking to get shot ,0
i hate orbits i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
why can i only vote once a day on mwave i want to die,0
i hate orbits i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i don t want to die but my minion aunt sez it s fine,0
what if i like both ,0
 my mind do something or we die me but everything is boring i don t want to do anything mine do something or we die ,0
 i want to be with you from now on i want to spend all and every single one of my days until i die with you and only you naruto uzumaki i miss you markjin,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i also voted yes in the 1979 referendum so did my dad and he died waiting i don t want to die waiting ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i live in arizona the exact opposite no thanks to i don t want to die because i m working at a grocery store after my job went away after covid 19 ,0
hi i m rewatching avatar the last air bender and i just want to know how the sokka didn t die by the end of season one like i know it s a cartoon but this powerless teenager gets thrown around a lot and nobody seems to care ,0
twitter won t let me post videos longer than 5 seconds i want someone to hear me say oil ,0
 i was born black i will die black i just don t want to die because i m black ,0
i want to be your wiiiife i want to bear your chiiiiiild i want to die knowing i had a long full life in your arms that i can do forever god this song makes me emo regardless of the context,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
before i die i want to get thrown out of mecca,0
i agree with your police reforms rodney king didnt die at the hands of police on may 1st 1992 he showed up at the riots and said these important words people i just want to say you know can we all get along can we all get along rodney died 6 17 12,0
you are right and i apologize also what does hardness sound like i want to think you heard a slide whistle ,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hope i find out who is before i die maybe they ll dm me when i tweet on my deathbed and i can take it to the incinerator as i want to be cremated ,1
i want to die,1
wait so take away body armor are you serious a tweet below mentioned a 600 eotech sight top of the line which i can see but body armor is this an underhanded way of saying you want them to die that s what your asking for with that cartoon ,0
the ones that rly get me are when they pull the i have a health condition so i cant breathe w a mask um ma am u especially shldnt be going out period with or without a mask these ppl want to die bruh ,0
i m a little nervous about it if trump had anything to do with it i am going to say no he is more interesting in fast than safe and i don t want to die ,0
why aren t they in masks i guess the orange king wants them to die,0
thank you for taking the time to write this for your response i ll check out the facebook page and yes peace first just want to make sure we are supporting our aboriginal community in their grief and protecting them from the police especially in such uncertain bill 1 times ,0
everyone in politics has a skeleton or two the left media could rub together two chicken bones and end a career possible they don t want to die by suicide with red scarves doorknobs personally i think they are lazy with cush job bennies do just enuf to get reelected ,0
i hate schlannies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hope that cis people have realized that when trans people say that the government wants us to die and or kill ourselves it s not a metaphor and is actually just a fact,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i want to die what happened added fabric mod podge ,0
i hate nct stans i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i meant the other three can die i saved the pallete i mean you don t want to die right ,0
that s 33 073 06 after taxes 14 17k daily or 74 083 for say 4 days wk donate that save season believe it or not i really don t want to see you injured or get sick or even die behind a basketball game even if you not a,0
i don t want him to die or become mentally incapacitated before we have a chance to investigate all of his illegal business dealings he needs to be alive long enough to be publicly disgraced ,0
this country wants me to die and at this rate i just fucking might,1
i really want to die nothings working my life is so shit why am i here,1
i just want to die,1
1 of things why i don t want aerith to die but tifa ,0
the wants to die in office as the funeral of a sitting would be very powerful this guy has significant medical issues i suggest a simple funeral a garbage truck picks up the body drops it in a toxic waste dump ,0
i dont want anyone to die but i cant help but watch worldstar,0
 bts kisses pt 2 ah i really want to die sorry for my bad shots ,0
i want to die i want to die i want to die,1
yuta hates reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
my depression man i really wanna die yes death pls my anxiety aha man u don t wanna be going to sleep ever cuz u will die if you go to sleep u don t want to be doing that do u no sleep for you my brain what do u want from me,1
abusive people always be like it s your fault i abused you and now that people know about it i want to die this is all your fault ,0
i hate levi i hate him so much when i see him i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why is he so evil and cruel i hate him i hate him i hate him,0
i want to die ,1
i ve literally almost started crying before dude mine usually don t bother me but then they do boom eruption of pain from my insides and i literally want to die,0
i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die i want to die,1
i hate daiya stans i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
which i don t think she s stupid then she started talking about how my family didn t want me to go to the hospital and she made it all about her it s not my fault i wanted to die and then she was saying how i m still learning and she was invalidating what i thought abt blm ,0
what i don t get about books like these is why they get a random person to write an introduction telling you about what you re going to read and why it is so wonderful i don t want to read about the book i just want to read the book ,0
this is of course my particular experience but this is the result of all of society thinks i m not real i don t literally want to die due to discomfort so maybe i should believe them social gaslighting takes years to undo ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i don t want him to die or become mentally incapacitated before we have a chance to investigate all of his illegal business dealings he needs to be alive long enough for him to be publicly disgraced ,0
the gym sounds like it would smack rn but do i really want to die,0
everybody else don t look i want murphy to win something before he dies,0
i ate something after not eating anything for a day i regret it so much i just want to die i wish i didn t eat it,0
i don t miss having sex but i do want to die still smh,0
i want to die i want to die,1
this karen trend really be giving me anxiety i just want to punch every single one the fuck out but without getting arrested i mean it d always be self defense right can t wait for the karen generation to die out,0
i don t want him to die or become mentally incapacitated before we have a chance to investigate all of his illegal business dealings he needs to be alive long enough for him to be publicly disgraced ,0
i want to die,1
i don t want him to die or become mentally incapacitated before we have a chance to investigate all of his illegal business dealings he needs to be alive long enough for him to be publicly disgraced ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i saved the pallete the other trick and you don t want to die,0
دي مش وجهة نظري في الجواز بس التويت فكرتني بيها والبنت اتجوزت واحد اتقدملها بعدها بمفيش اسبوع فعلا كان في أسباب زي i can t afford to be romantic i don t want to die an old maid ,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
i dont want to die but sometimes i just wish i didnt have to wake up,1
do you very jusy want to like start life again like die and come back i hate the way i ve lived my life i feel like i ve already made my personality and i can t change but i want to but if i did it would be strange,0
i was feeling indifferent about sharing this information of my personal life online but i currently have covid 19 the only thing i want to say is stay your ass at home people die from the virus daily it s not a joke this not a sob sorry or nothing but learn from my mistakes ,0
you just said someone born with both genital is an abomination lmao i don t believe in god anything that can let children and babies be born with cancer and die days after they re born is nobody i would want to associate with ,0
my sophomore biology teacher just recognized me at work from across the patio w my face mask on and i cant remember her name i want to die ,0
the one positive that s come out of all of this is that now i have a slightly less negative view of death i don t want good people to die ever but death as a fact of life that impacts bad people equally now gives me some hope sad but true ,0
honestly blows my mind that people are just going out to bars and going on vacations with no masks like everything is all good meanwhile i have barely left my house and not worked in months bc i live w my grandparents and don t want them to die,0
 i don t have to kill you to show you why you need to be afraid of me bonnie bennett you may think you are clever and strong but if i want you dead i can have it my way yet not today this was fun but walking away from her now leaving her to die was a no ,0
i have done my own research i follow the numbers closely more cases is partially do to more testing but more deaths and hospitalizations is directly do to increased spread of virus wants people to die ,0
i want to die i hate it here,1
this is absolutely not to be construed as a defense of s akimichan she ages up characters to sexualize them in her art and that s not the hill i d ever want to die on ,0
i want to die ,1
now zaxby s that s where it s at i want some right now actually lol,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
 you look tired bro i don t look tired i want to die,1
if she denies he forces her too or something like that she pondered for a moment really hell yeah i want to watch them suffer they deserve to die in the most painful way possible make them realize they ruined a little girl s life ,0
hoenstly i don t feel like a suicidal person with the intention to kill themselves would do that in a busy place if you want to die you don t do it where people can see you within minutes,0
when sam smith said i just want someone to die for that just hit different,0
i don t think anyone has ever said i want to visit the united states of america before i die ,0
making sacrifices hurts because i want too fight back but my heart want allow me too go against god s will but as i die to self i know without a shadow of doubt that god has something greater for me promise,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
jesus died for me and i want to die for him all he asks me to do is to love him in return ,0
having his persona become a girl with a yaoi ahegao t shirt and i want to die,0
i hate hq stans i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
i was lost in the pages of a book full of death reading how we ll die alone and if we re good we ll lay to rest anywhere we want to go ,0
but i want something good to die for to make it beautiful to live ,0
i hate nevies i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
holy fuck i just ordered myself dinner and just got what i wanted rather than stressing over calories except for a side salad instead of fries and calculated the calories after hitting send and i want to die how am i going to eat this and be ok maybe i can cut it in half fuck,0
when i meet someone thats good i want to die with them,0
 i can t handle this how do yall make dirty jokes i just want to crawl into a hole and die now,0
kdksjksd dios pq le ponían esa cosa i hate my self and i want to die,1
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
this specific tweet is the thing that really gets to me the reason i m doing what i m doing is i don t want other people to get sick and die like why can t everyone think like that ,0
 i just tried doing the stupid winebottler thing and ugh it won t work i m so frustrated i have a headache now i just want to die,0
 puhleez want people to die you must be thinking of your dear leader he s the one who needs adulation in a pandemic believing him will get you killed i want maga to live evolve maybe read try ethics so we can all after conald s gone we must,0
i want to fucking die,1
i mean even if you want to judge her and not date her you don t have to treat her so awfully he would make a bad boyfriend and a bad husband and a bad father,0
thanks june i can assure you and others i m not a bot i have small businesse employees i don t want my views to disrupt my business or their lives or my kids my 16 year old is a die hard democrat dinner time at my house is btw i m also a minority who knows better ,0
exactly i can t imagine it s much fun with the pressure to post before the trend dies down imo you can kind of feel the difference in pieces between artists that actually engaged with the source material vs artists who just want in,0
i don t want the conversation to die first reason why i always have a hard wake,0
oh no i am with you i am often the only person in the grocery store asking myself am i nuts but i don t want to infect those i love and surely don t want to die alone drowning ,0
i see imma going to be a pimp until the day i die when you are a pretty nigga women want to spoil you and get you anything you want,0
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
i m going to die after my 12 my mother wants to go hiking in the am at sleeping giant tmw,0
i can t fucking deal today nothing seems fun nothing seems entertaining i just want to sleep and not even wake up with all that s going on depression is trying to make me want this virus to die from it again,1
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
i just want to die anywhere else if only i could die anywhere else so come with me let s die anywhere else anywhere just not here,1
i want to die,1
not me i want him to experience every minute in prison and die when he s 99 ,0
i said both can kill them but you just lie and choose what you want to respond to you can die from the stun or die from getting beat to death after getting stunned ,0
i want you to cry for me say you d die for me,0
i want to die,1
i hate weebs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
actually i can not choose wixh one will be better itst pretty much like choosing how you want to die burned or slaughtered,0
cuz they trashed 06 and noticed that gave them views i bet they probably don t even actually hate the sonic series i just really want their channel to die already ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
you can bet on me not voting for desantis or trump ever again i don t want to die over disney s profits ,0
don t want to live without teeth don t want to die without bite i never want to say that i regret it,0
you re life is good now but you don t want to die old i don t understand and since i m apparently the only one that cares to read this i ll ask for you to elaborate,0
i mean how do you have a movie just come out and decide woody allen is the hill you want to die on woody allen i m so confused right now ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
then i want to hang out and eat shit on surf board with you need to try that before i die ,1
the world wants us to die and i think that s a deserve,0
i think that if he wanted to make sure she wouldn t harm the potential alliance then he would ve put her in cryo i honestly believe that he indirectly wanted her to lowkey die cause he did have a better option ,0
ik i want to die,1
he s so thoughtful and every time he interacts with girls and women i want to die in the best way,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i keep seeing ppl say eric stans set him up to be bullied and i want examples of that so i make sure not to do it how embarrassing would that be like i say some shit and ppl start wupting and replying bullying him id die fr,0
i want to die,1
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
kankurō i want you to have my mother and father puppets as well and when you die pass them both on to the next generation ,0
just moved a fridge out and a new one into my kitchen though our front door because it s the widest one with like 8 steps and i never ever ever ever ever want to do that again i will deconstruct this fridge when it dies and build my new one from scratch ,0
no pls i don t want to die young :(,0
well i just want him to die a very slow agonizing death alone and in total disgrace so no ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
i want the call name of her i want to see her i want to touch her i want her to know everything about me i want all this to last infinity i want all this to be,0
i wish i could give my life to someone who actually wants to live it i feel like it s not fair there are people who are about to die though want to keep living so badly i wish i could just switch places with them ,0
everyone says life is easy but truly living it is not times get hard people struggle and constantly get put on the spot i m going to wear the biggest smile even though i want to cry i m going to fight to live even though i m destined to die have a great weekend,1
fwiw i had the best of best of a world renowned research hospital tell me there was no hope and how did i want my daughter to die on or off the ventilator i took over her care plan and she is still alive today 10 years later ,0
i want to die but i want to eat tteokpokki,0
ami ami i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them,0
i want less people to die from cops rather than people still dying from cops but cops maybe going to trial,0
i m a cuomosexual now i want to fuck him until he dies,0
l black attacker click see truth ted turner s i want 95 of humans to die cnn likes to lie ,0
 i want to see and understand the world outside i don t want to die inside these walls without knowing what s out there eren,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
outrageous unacceptable what about the innocent people that want no part of it and they get exposed they get sick they die i will sue to high heavens what about documentation of each person attending what about testing what about tracing what about tracking ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
exactly why i walked away didn t want to die young,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
i either want to die or want nachos ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
like listen i want to play persona 4 golden but with life is strange angels of death corpse party and that your turn to die dub i started with my friends i don t think i can handle a 100 hour game in there,0
i was born black and i will die black i just don t want to die because i am black,0
bro i could only think of 2 i want to die,0
i am tired and upset i am want to die,1
i know the devil s gonna come tonight he wants to bring me to the other side i told him i m gonna rave til morning light yeah i won t leave i party til i die,1
please let anyone pertinent know that if i do die i want my tombstone to say i finally quit smoking or i would rather be here than facebook ttyl,0
 i want to die ,0
that s what i fucking say the challenger has to go in to kill or die he who needs to seek the fight all the time if he really wants the belt he needs to do it ,0
i don t really like myself but i know i am one of those people to someone and that is why i won t let myself die if you want or need someone to talk to please feel free to message me i am not the best but i can try what i can ,0
i have never really liked motivational speakers when they talk they make you feel like you want to do the impossible and when they re done the vigour dies and you re back to square one i prefer people who can give me good sound and solid advice ,0
 i don t want to die but i don t want to lives like this ,1
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
over i just yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i really wish she could save me i hate that all of me is on her and i feel like i wanna die why do i put my energy on people i just want to come home shes home i just want to fall asleep to her voice and be her favorite again now im nothing :(,0
last night i dreamt of my 8yo friends talking about talking heroin right before they die when i was a kid when i woke up i wondered what would i actually want to take which turned into this tweet :),0
ugh i m sorry for you my mom is 82 it s going to be a hard call to make because i still know i m right but i don t want her to die thinking i don t love her i hope your own daughter eventually makes the same call to you ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
when man like rodrygo barely starts,0
so many waste men,0
right so basically i want to die,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
 i want my roommates cat to die so i can get a dog ,0
nights like this i just want to die ,1
i really just want to die ,1
pls i just got all my followers in the last 2 days i don t want to lose them,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
dark chocolate turns me on,0
my relatability gets me rts but i also just want to die,0
get rakitic tf out of my team,0
obviously i don t want caduceus to die i m still extremely emotional over what just happened i m just wondering,0
the problem is mrskarassenstien i have no issue with bill gates making a vaccination and selling it to those who want it if it works well we are finished with the conversation you are protected and the ignorant will die from the not so deadly virus right ,0
i m sorry to enter this convo like this but what you said here is so true to the point where i almost tweeted a very famous unfortunately shipper anti guru you know who because i noticed she had jm i never want to engage with dumbos like her usually but it pissed me off,0
i can t believe they want the protestors to die off ,0
yes i agree he doesnt deserve to die that way but it is not right to treat him as a hero like what the protesters want to imply considering his history justice was served and the policemen were arrested and charged so whats the purpose of continued calls and protest ,0
i either want to die or eat a grilled cheese sandwich,0
 that s when i decided when i die i want to be remembered for the life i lived not the money i made ,0
i just want to talk to my girlfriend but the fucking internet that i pay 70 a month for is completely broken fuck this shit i want to die fuck fuck fuck,0
i m not allowed out of my house until the end of july because i have health issues so i ve been on my own for the past 5 months i really don t want to die i ll do anything anything anyone says so i don t die those protesters have mocked me i hope they all die ,0
the british communist party never existed i guess if you want to say they ve taken chauvinistic positions historically go ahead but i think you re objecting the working classes and imposing some internal narrative you have in your head onto a pretty vast and varied group ,0
 it is if everyone dies alone does that scare you i don t want to be alone ,0
once i die i want my body to be used to grow a tree or get thrown in the ocean so i can get eaten,1
problem is madrid back vinicius so heavy but he s so shite,0
this is the 2nd time i m confused a memory with my ex with nicole i fucking hate myself and want to die,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
he wanted a man shot i thought liverpool fans wouldn t want someone to die,0
bzrzrzt a little but i don t want to die so it s discomforting at the same time metal tries to push her foot off,0
i just said i love you and you asking me to swear do you want me to die foorish gal,0
now i want to die,0
it is sarcasm i want no one to die ,0
i despise frank murphy it hits too close to home and ruins the show for me can you kill him off at some point i want to see him die ,0
sorry but i don t want that bloodline to be able to succeed let em die off poor and alone,0
when i die i want to be buried and my sex dolls to be cremated,1
just remembered we lost to betis before la liga was suspended as in we played a win or die classico and lost to betis the next week i feel sick i don t actually want la liga back,0
i can t get over the fucking vo they are so fucking cringe i want to die every time they speak,0
well i have decided that i don t want to die,0
he s about to do unreal numbers,0
so finishing after my headache are all the characters unlikable in the books too i want them all to die ,0
i don t want anyone to die but bro we in that comment section thooo sheesh,0
haha yeah man just want the bills to win one before i die,0
zero warning was given in that very second jim got out of his seat threw his drink to the wall and held a gun directly against irene s forehead i m talking to my employee he growled deeply and unless she wants to die right now she will show me some respect ,0
i hope u find it soon i do not want u to die,0
it s sunny in london even a little hot you will need sun cream if you don t want to die a horrible painfull death by sunburn ,0
they are s t i c k e r s that s dumb y all are complaining over them,0
van dijk has been real quiet since araujo stepped on the scene,0
i just bought kat a lil present bc i want her to know i love her and id die for her,0
i m on a plane and i can t decide if i want to live or die ,1
too ,0
teams that don t make provisions for messi rate themselves to highly and it almost always backfires,0
the things people do for views like i didnt see you try it before,0
i want to die honestly,1
i mean i d never die but i do feel like i want to rip my eye balls out and cut off my nose,0
i m looking at him and haaland,0
i don t think anyone wants another waco it will have to end somehow i just hope harm to people on both sides is as minimal as possible they don t deserve to die or be badly hurt because of their own stupidity neither do our officers or military ,0
i tell my mom i want to die and she s like ok i m out,0
it s my birthday and i ll cry or die if i want to come watch me fail at games ,0
you re ignorant and dangerous actual scientists have done the research they know what they re talking about you don t why do you want more people to die ,0
i legit went from 105 115 in like a month i want to die bye,0
i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them,0
vinicius is a waste man ,0
i want to die by being squished by thick thighs,0
if he were alive i m quite sure he d say he wouldn t want to fucking die with the knee of a police officer drilling into his fucking neck ,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i want to die,1
please i need season 5 i want to die oooooooo,0
nines woul never leave his side for literally anything because in case you suddenly die i want to he with you so you won t be alone ,0
i want to die in a war より,0
the ratio is sickening,0
i just want to die,1
l,0
they want to die and honestly i respect it,0
is it bad if i want adam to die and steven to come back ,0
i mean if i m going to die for dinner i want a dinner to die for ,0
it s 7 30am i m so cold and tired i want to die,0
i want to die but in like a festive way,0
my friends are so brave to assume i m ever going to drive us anywhere ever do u want to die ,0
it s like they have a late aged group of teenagers who want to cut into my brain add their own brain fragments trying to help me remember the teenaged works i already completed yeah that bunch is sick with a sick bunch they can go ahead die ,0
no from springfield mo but jesse feels the same way i do it just feels very real i want to finish your book but i also don t want the journey to end ,0
i m being serious please eat something even if it s little i don t want u to literally die,0
its ok you dont want to participate in drama i didnt watch the full stream either i had work to do but i came just in fucking time for the drama im gonna die,0
spent all morning drawing s penguin and guess what my phone dies the app deletes the drawing i want to cry in a corner,0
it s not that i simply don t understand why they d want to die on that hill i don t understand why anyone would bother to climb it in the first place ,0
i want to die from the characters this bitch lookin like she alice in wonderland but if blood was on her dress 24 7 stat,0
my 4yo completed the legacy raids and it s not tuesday but he still wants to play so i unleashed him on island expeditions i explained to the group members that they were playing with a 4yo and not to worry about leaving him behind or letting him die 1,0
sorry to ask an in my backyard question just realized i did that just didn t want my plants to die lol ,0
i literally dont care if people love me or whatever i want to die and now,1
take kubo vinicius jr,0
it s too bad someone had to die no one wants that but if someone is going to be hurt shot killed i pray it s not the innocent cop putting their life on the line for us ,0
epic friend moment where my friend is being a god and helping me get diamonds by using my acc and i cannot thank them enough ,0
i actually want to die i hate fish,0
i hate hq stans i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
i want to die midi,0
i want to make a small gc my gc s always fail and die really quickly but i guess just interact with this tweet if u want to join if this flops pls forget i even tried ,0
tonight was a good night,0
i want to die,1
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
omgg i want to die,0
i want to breathe clean air people lets not die ,0
like if i want to hear about politics i turn on the news radio or watch in the internet if i want to play a game i just want to play nothing more ,0
i want to die by mass active vocanos and asteroids take me ,0
i d read this girl but i m too exhausted and she s too razz for my attention so imma just keep ignoring her texts if she wants to die space dey for burial ground ,0
okay enough joking i actually want to die i m never gonna get the help i need and everything is too much right now,0
i have want to die here,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
what if aoba san dies will i still be able to live on i don t want to think about that yet ,0
to that woman who said angels told her she didn t want to wash her hands if i die i m coming for you ,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i d lowkey hate to play upfront with messi and suarez you could be in acres of space and 9 times out of 10 you ll get aired ,0
ooh sounds cool can i join ,0
if he wants to but this sounds like a depressing life i would probably wanna die ,1
getting both these one as well im sunderland till i die but i want to give my money to a ckub that s showing ambition and has good owners not chancers like donald,0
liam don t give me too much credit he s the only father i ve got i mean do i hate what he did with steffy yes obviously i hate it and am i gonna forget it no not if i live to a thousand i m not gonna forget it but none of that means i want him to die ,0
my newest video will be coming out soon and i really want to get this shared around the bond fan community it s a really fun video featuring fellow fans who wrote their own theme for no time to die can t wait to share it ,0
accidentally tagged a friend in a reply to his rt now i just want to die ,0
someone just told me that i get into danganronpa and i end up getting crushed by a hydraulic press no that s my answer i m do not want to be in danganronpa and i do not want to die in it either so no no no and no ,0
 i guess it s just paranoia but i don t want to die to talon i want to die protecting my nation ,0
there no other stock i have come across where some shareholders want pandemic to continue so they become rich even if means more human beings die surely instead of 2nd wave ramps which the only way you could become rich one should keep praying the virus rather dies ,0
yes yes oh my god yes please i want to die the lag hurts me internally,0
my back hurts like hell mehn i can t be feeling like i want to die every month,0
the levels are staggering,0
theres been too mich shit going onnnnnn these demons want my soul life too short to be livin in a lie there s too much pain to be living just to die ,0
big hairy men make me want to die like actually i prefer a more delicate palette,0
i ll die for eponine and cosette and i want to protect my children video game amis,0
ronaldo missing pens his bread and butter while his peers are putting in 3 goal contributions a game levels to this thing,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
to all those who claim i m crazy and try desperately to convince me the words they use abolish dismantle defund dont all mean the same thing they don t want police this group rule the thought police and the pc police crime will rise people will die ,0
don t actually want to die but i also rly just don t want to be here anymore,0
when someone wordlessly unfollows me i want them to die wholeheartedly i dont do that i softblock,0
goal and assists normal day at the office for my goat,0
12th pic in my camera roll is a screenshot of the halftime scoreboard of a m in 2017 and now i want to die ,0
i just realized my two assignments i ve been ignoring are both due on wednesday not friday i want to die ,0
i want this on msn if true then we can stop listening to the,0
i want to die ,1
why did i just see a party bus y all really want to die huh ,0
i know lukaku saw that control from jordi alba and said sbwl,0
my network and laptop were bugging and i literally didn t submit my exam lol i want to die,0
streets calling araujo the new van dijk,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
u want them to be willing to die for a flag i would think that is more ridiculous than being willing to die for the rights guaranteed by the constitution,0
trump s doctor needs to check him out immediately loss of grip strength slurred words and trouble walking are all signs of a stroke or some other neurological deficit i may have an extreme dislike for him but i don t want anyone to die ,0
 i m the one that s got to die when it s time for me to die so let me live my life the way i want to ,0
i love watching lovey dovey movies and shows and all but being single and watching couples do cute things makes me want to bury myself and breathe through a straw until i die ,0
on the day i swerve to youngtaek do you want me to die ,0
okay people die everyday from something else am i just suppose to stop living how i want to because someone else s immune system is weaker than mine ,0
you prepare all you want and if you are wrong people get injuries or even die during domestic violence calls you can t send a counselor to a domestic call by themselves i promise you the odds are against you that someone will get hurt i do see your point ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i want to die simply disappear,1
actually nah fuck that i want trump to die kemp ugly ass too,0
i just saw a video of a tomato on my tl now i want to die ,0
i want to see dale jr win another race before i die ,0
we have the right to kneel to whatever we want i will only kneel to god who is kneeling for floyd sorry it s sad when anyone dies but to make floyd a martyr fact check me please ,0
36 i used to pray to allah when i was crying that i want to die lol,0
ultimately two things could happen the police will come in and either they fight to the death and die on the barricades or it gets dissolved and the graffiti gets cleaned up and its back to normal in a month i doubt they ll die on the barricades nor do i want them to ,0
i get that they re lazy but i wouldn t tell them to die lmao we just want them to vote for once,0
fuck almost 294 i want to die kill me i hate grinding but i will regret it fuck gn,0
eh i want to die sua burra,0
0 00,0
jefferson beauregard sessions still out here fighting the civil war i do declare y all capitulating to them damn yankees makes me want to leave my plantation and jump back into the fray the south i say the south shall rise again old racists die hard ,0
36 i used to pray to allah when i was crying that i want to die lol,0
amy lee nin i want to die dediği kısımdayım ,0
man i didn t even wanna go to college i dont know what im here for but ngl i want to die,0
 help aaahhh heelp i dont want to die ,1
i want pepsi but in a glass at a restaurant where it s almost all ice i wanna be outside i m so fucking desperate to leave ,0
i can t wait for someone to die and want the police in to solve their problem not wishing it just predicting it ,0
look on the bright side assuming he dies he should be eligible for a darwin award that s an accomplishment is it not well not the kind i d ever want to aim for but hey each to their own ,0
disgusting i hope everyone of them are found and locked up how can fighting each other help it won t someone else could die because they want to fight for fun not the peaceful protest ,0
naja ich habe mir helfen lassen aber manchmal braucht man ein schubs um die dinge zu sehen für das was sie sind,0
boo my twitch because i have few followers and want to grow ,0
i live every day like it s my last i also only live to set ah lavish life for my generation to come we all want to live forever but we will all die one day,0
hii so i am like in a chat w luke but i m too awkward to say shit so who wants to be added so we can be in a gc with luke hemmings and be friends comment please rules be nice dont let the chat die lmao if this flops my mom tweeted it:),0
my t ts too big for this dress but it s the only thing i bought for this dumb ass event i want to die,0
sometimea i get bogged down in the technical language i tried reading npr s article about it which is where my initial tweet came from then i was told trump wants trans people to die which didn t make any sense cuz i knew doctors took a do no harm oath ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
is probably unlikely but you never know im sorry to everyone who was friends with jack i m sorry that he is no longer an active alter i don t want to say he is no longer with us as that sounds like he has passed away and i dont feel like that is right as he didn t die ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i want to die now,1
i need spike lee to just sir that hill you want to die on can t be woody allen s like tf he s had all of one black person maybe 3 in his films like tf kind of weirdo shit is this he s also a creep of the highest proportions marrying your ex wife s daughter ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
you were saying about the last word it s really disappointing that the right to mock someone s sexuality is the hill you want to die on i think you are a clique that can t handle any criticism if i m wrong then i think it just makes you garbage people,0
i was laid off i also don t want people to die unnecessarily so i m going to deal with it cases are spiking in states that have reopened people are dying alone in a hospital because their families can t visit it s a horror show ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
wowi want this shirt because supposedly medicine is the new bi anthem regardless medince is probably my favourite harry song i also don t have much harry merch so i would die to have this thank you for giving someone the opportunity to have this ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
they are so tone deaf when it comes to truly fighting for the proletariat lol we don t want these class traitors to give us their money we simply want them to die i dont get what s not clicking if i see one more tweet abt being grateful to bill gates or anyone else im gonna,0
if you want to read a short highly philosophical star trek book i recommend spock must die ,0
haha one of the politicians literally just said that talking about human rights is idiotic and that lgbt people are below normal people i want to die,0
but because we re about to die i want to say it as many times as i want i love you i love you i love you i love you ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them,0
i can sympathise more with the villains since some of them shig twice spinner and toga all have been persecuted by a flawed society and cast out we ve been with the heroes the most so we know most of them and dont want to see any of them die i m attached to both sides ,0
i forsee so many problems it is going to be a big mess and when children die because of adults bs then what we give in to more riots more protesters who cry until they get what they want wow we are a spineless nation of sissy lalas,0
i really want tr mp to just choke on something small and die,0
i m split on this there s a part of me that wants to see trump send in a qrf and be done in 30 minutes but it s a trap if he does and people die he s a murderous tyrant if not then the left will say he s weak and has no control it s a no win situation ,0
i hate reveluvi hate them so muchwhen i see themi just want to diei feel my blood boilingand my skin burningand my eyes wateringmy heart dropsand i feel like fire is consuming my entire bodywhy are they so eviland crueli hate themi hate them so much,0
i m gonna make a list of all the bs my mother has tried to go to war with me over and when i die i want someone to mail it to her so she can remember how much time she wasted trying to get me to hate her like i dont have enough people to hate ,0
i have a feeling that someone i don t want to die is gonna die and if it s kirigiri i might kill myself,0
thinking about how i m never going to get to read every book i want to before i die,0
some people should learn to be nice to their parents like this guy that i know name noah he hates his mom he talks junk about her he wants her to die and he tells me rude things about his mom and it s not nice to disrespect your parents,0
i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them,0
i am not suggesting i want 10s of millions to die i am saying it is a good outcome for the governments problem of unfunded liability they owe so much they ll never be able to pay if those people die they are off the hook if they don t die the can is kicked to the next gen ,0
i dont want a girlfriend but when i m 75 i will be looking for a cruise companion to come and die on a big flash ass boat with me ,0
i actually want to die every time i have to go into work cause i m scared some crazy ass florida man is gonna get his panties in a bunch over fucking cheese or smth and try to attack us,0
i dont want to be awake anymore i dont want to be in this state anymore i want to die,1
i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them ,0
bruh i just dug up dms from like 3 years ago i want to die,0
yes awhile back i felt an urgency to contact my ex i thought well maybe he s going to die so i did band i realized that i forgave him smthg i want planning on doing the urgency was my own whatever you want to call it telling me to do it for me it took a lot of anger away,0
when i die i want yall to hit a bong at my grave every time you visit,0
асексуалы блять одна из самых понятных ориентаций идите пожалуйста нахуй все,0
someone posted a ben sh piro video as proof that systemic racism doesn t exist i want to die,0
and i don t want to die for you thats just weird ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
уже и до асексуалов доебались да вашу мать только две недели прайд месяца прошло ткните мне пальцем в группу людей которых ещё не обоссали,0
if i die anytime soon i want everyone to beat the fuck out of their face especially eyeshadow in my honour,1
and i don t want people to die if they don t have to cos i m a normal human being,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i m so scared i don t want to die ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
the whole right side of my mouth is swollen and i can t close my mouth and i m in so much pain i want to die,0
i hate gg stans i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
men and women here is some good advice ask the person who is dating you flat out if they want you to die do not date them if they want you to die i can t get over how many men date women who want them to die or vice versa ,0
i want to die,1
تاكي كوبو وردريجو العيال دول هيبقو ف حته تانية,0
want to die,0
n now for my 2 irls who won t see dis but idc yall r my ride or dies like i wld do anything for you yall mean the world to me and i never want to lose the connection we have i love you guys so much and am so glad to be spending my 4 years of highschool with you ,0
yeah i wouldnt want to die from a rabid mob either,0
i want to fucking die,1
mama ooh i don t want to die i sometimes wish i d never been born at all,0
once again you deflect because you are as dumb as an antifa member and you resort to attacking me another trait of low intelligence people i want the best for americans and i certainly do not want them to die from treatable conditions simply because they have no healthcare ,0
listen when you re on a plane for 16 hours and the only thing you want to watch is the trilogy and it s available you know it s ride or die that s the only thing i d be awake for ,0
before i die i want to reach all my dreams be successful and make everyone that i love happy ,0
only reason i want to die at 27 is so i can be with you,1
i really just dont understand why a human being cnat just be free to do what they want and to live worry free why do black people gatta get killed why cant someone just be gay or trans why cant others just let other be we all live and die no one is different in that ,0
oh yes definitely i just meant these two age groups i can just see them from afar and feel like i want to die but yes fuck the teenage white boys,0
i want tr mp to die,0
i can t expose him and all the peelyfam just want me to leave that kid i am the only person who is the unluckiest boy ever life has been worst so as twitter 3 43 am still awake when i was 12 i use to cry below pillows and i prayed to die gn,0
lol i m sure youn want nobody to die,0
eh i d say 1995 only built 4 cuban linx liquid swords return to the 36 chambers soul food on top of the world me aganist the world doe or die the infamous lifestyles ova da poor and dangerous dah shinin labcabincalifornia safe sound do you want more ,0
nope my mask stays on like my sister days if those ppl don t want to wear masks that s their life i need to be xtra careful as my sister has ra and can die from covid,0
i can t leave my home till they have a treatment or vaccine because i have copd what will you be doing to help me or people like me that if they get covid they will die i don t want to be a numbered statistic,0
i want to either die or become a buny,0
kpop idols really do have the strongest fuckinf scalps i ve only got 2 front streaks that i have to maintain upkeep for every month and i want to die every time i can t imagine changing hair colors constantly,0
there s probably a plan c that doesn t involve killing the perp and allows for the perp to be captured alive maybe a bit later he wasn t a serial killer didn t have to die i support the police i want them to catch criminals i don t want innocent police killed for revenge ,0
your excellency i am requesting you not to open schools because we dont want to die and please keep is home until you have dealt with the disease we beg i will be glad if you declare a dead year,0
my dad asked what i want for graduation and i m deciding do i want money or that jojo jacket i also really want a nasa hoodie ,0
tbh as someone who mostly tank i let the other one chose if want to be mt or ot just if the other is mt i m ready to provoke when that one will die ,0
when i die i want to be reincarnated as the blue scooby doo fruit snack,1
this is the consequence of nothing else other than ignorance and hubris i literally don t feel even the least bit bad florida wants to continue to be a black hole of anti intellectualism and this is what happens they die in a pandemic they are the architects of this path ,0
and i just want the old times i just really miss the old days and that s all i have now because i don t care if the world fucking ends now i want to go back to my life my actual life where i didn t fuck things up and we were good and okay where i didn t want to die anymore,0
tw suicide i i s2g i hate this house every single fucking day it makes me want to die mr,1
i want to die ,1
im okay with hitsounding it but if you want to that sounds cool not sure when i ll finish the whole spread so even if you die in the process i think it ll be fine lol,0
best thing about the screening it was held as a local theatre that shows films and were toying with showing die hard at christmas the manager was sat behind me just before jaws started and i blurted out show of hands who wants to see dh at christmas hands everywhere,0
is it bad that when i die i want my grave to be graffitied,0
i want a 70 year old sugar daddy and then when he dies i get all the money but i have to wait till im old enough,0
i hate all of them fuxx politics and like didn t want to see them almost die i mean i know but,0
lol i ve heard of you showing up every time this comes up at this point it s gonna change whether you like it or not you don t have to understand why it matters because for many people it matters very much do you really want this hill to be the one you die on ,0
i like atlanta and love me some mama but how in the hell are people still working for there is no way in hell i would work with someone who wants me to die first and the da is pandering what in the hell wow ,0
recently the people upstairs have been vacuuming their whole house every single day and i want to die,0
i ve made a series of tumblr posts of galo thymos x lio fotia moments in the movie promare and my takes on them i want to thank my friend for helping me proofread them ,0
when i die i don t want people to cry i want them to say your jokes were funny i m really sorry ,1
then i wish your mom a safe trip to the lord bcuz i think she might have to die your happiness matter biko let her die if she wants to die ,0
if i have a choice when i die i want to haunt the biltmore i could spend hundreds of years just looking at all of the architecture and art and the scenery ,0
eli you owe me twenty bucks for that i want to fucking die ,0
i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them,0
i just realised i typed bane and want to die but i love u sm,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i feel so strong about isdues like this dawn i watched my dad die at 66 and he didnt want to die he was terrified of dying ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
i hate armys i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i m so angry and irritated rn on my soul i am i m back to the point where i just want to fucking die again i swear shit finds a way to just keep fucking gradually getting worse like wtf take me fucking nnnnooowwwwww ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
no no no i do not want to is die,0
the way i want to die,0
i want to die i want to die i want to die ,1
i just want to die i can t stand the arguments with you anymore i gave up everything and moved here for you yet you hurt me every other day i m not good enough i get it maybe i ll be gone one day soon idk anymore ,0
i dont want him to grow old and die,0
i dont get it and i want to die for it,0
is it bad i want to play 7 days to die still might start from scratch lol,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
can i please have a friend who actually y know wants to talk to me,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
the feeling of not being loved trusted is killing me im just a teenager who cant even share two words with its family i try so fuckin hard to be the person they want me to be but they still act harsh on me like can i just die and escape from these people who dont love me,1
i ve been telling y all this 2nd wave is gonna be bad trump said he s not closing america down no matter what that s because the government doesn t want to pay any more money to ppl he s thinking if people die they die as long as money is flowing in phuck it ,0
dre and i are watching got and he wants us to drink every time someone dies and also when they say my lord or my lady i think not lol,0
mama no dey oooo papa no dey oooo if they want to fire me make them fire me i no go die but i will never allow this to pass me by ,0
i hate the bnha fandom i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them,0
twitter isn t a non profit organization they talk about banning trump but reality is he brings people 2 twitter jack ss terrified that without trump controversy twitter will whither die i mean who wants to hear a bunch of libs just agree with each other,0
you talk too much on twitter if you are that brave go kill them all and i am the problem lol i just want to avoid useless death these rioters are idiots but nobody deserves to die you obviously have no consideration for human lives i think you are the problem ,0
i dont want to die i just wouldn t care if i did,0
my white gentrifying neighbors are having a party none of them wearing masks and theyve been blasting 2006 2011 beyonce all day i want to die ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i m trying to live but all i want to do is die ,1
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
y all might think i was joking but when i die someone pls actually fly natasha agnew out here and get her to do the witch s rap to gaga that s literally all i want that and catering from one 1 pie shop only xx,0
yo sometimes i just feel so useless like i can t do anything right and highkey it just makes me want to die,0
 let me help you damn it i don t care if you don t want my help it makes me feel better to think i m helping now shut up w your i m not a victim shit and get onboard or i ll accuse you of wanting people to die white libs summed up ,0
if you re a nasty virus carrying no mask wearin mf please stay the fuck away from me cus i have a weakened immune system and i do not want to die,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
jfnfjf ur welcome haha i m always shy bc it s always like offers this thing i made hesitantly but i wanted ppl to know the inspo so they could read your fic and die with me and ye i want to but i also have a million ideas in my head all the time so i ll let you know,0
i want my cluster and i want that planet to die just make that happen ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
mamaaaaaaa uuuuuuuhhhhuuuuuuuhhh i don t want to die i sometimes wish i d never been born at all 8 ,1
heu still want to die i am gon to sleep,0
no one wants to eliminate the police we want them restructured no one made excuses do you really wanna die on that hill come on now keep in mind this isn t just about george floyd it s about the system that enabled this to happen ,0
não me cobra na frente de tanta gente,0
no i just want them to die and then just burn them no hospital no care no nothing just die and burn them job done,0
i ve only had commons had 2 epics in a row and they were both calking for caveira i want to die,0
yes love that movie michael biehn does crazy so well the ending was a bit hokey i wonder if test audiences didn t want virgil to die so the studio told cameron to give it a happy ending ,0
i want to die,1
i don t want the hype for black content creators to die down so if you re black and have a booktube a bookstagram or a blog link your channel in the replies don t forget to rt to spread the word link your faves and follow ,0
when i die i want my friends to photoshop me into that picture with harambe and kobe bryant in heaven and display it at the funeral ,1
why my instagram friends act like i ve been starving myself for 7 weeks when i say i m not gonna eat any pizza i think they want me to die of obesity,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i hate xfx i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them i hate them ,0
nobody chose george floyd to be the icon of police brutality those officers actions made him the person of choice no one i think would want someone to die on the street from having been choked to death from a knee on their neck for 9 minutes no matter what they did ,0
i think i m a bit less reckless now he doesn t want me to get hurt or die and i don t want to see him unhappy ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i have a fucking headache and i want to fucking die,0
i almost want to dm you for your cash app just get you out of a pontiac ,0
honestly i hate americans you really think we give a fuck that you don t want to come bermuda because you re racist really bitch die,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
brian you still watch nicleklodeon i just choose not to be sheep if you enter the hospital with chest pain or stroke symptoms and test positive on admission then die from an mi then i want to know that ,0
i would want to kill myself and in the book hes shown to be sad as shit but the author doesnt tend to show mental illnesses to a huge degree but im sure he wanted to die fully,0
yuta hates reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
it is based on his life before fame some details have been changed like in the film his father doesnt die on 9 11 but just a random fire i guess they didn t want the entire 9 11 thing to distract from the personal story ,0
my tomatoes look so ripe just about the only things in my garden that didn t die i think oh i know i ll have some tomato soup later today it s my favorite anyways just wish i had a boyfriend to enjoy it with i need to get out more who d want to date a girl like me though ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i want to cry and cry and then cry until i die,1
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i m excited that i ll have a chance to play p4g but i also know that going backwards from p5r all of its wonderful quality of life additions is going to make me want to die,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
i m going to ask the witch doctor why she wants someone to die ,0
i wasn t that kind of gay to have fake girlfriends cuz i didn t want anyone to find out i am gay i would rather die then be with a girl even tho its fake sorry if that sounded rude but thats my vision on it i am not gonna act a different way then i am to please anyone else ,0
i hate reveluv i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them i hate them so much,0
people are willing to die for overpriced microwaved soup at this point i m convinced these people want to die ,0
noooooo now i want to die because in this world we can only find fake and clingy content,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them ,0
who cares i do i don t want to die this early ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i just got the most random text i want to die,0
not all of your fan accounts are fake i m your real fan i am die hard fan of you i want to meet you ,0
they don t even make these people pick up their trash and dispose of it right i don t want to hear a d thing they have to say about it they sure didn t fix lead in drinking water or unsafe levels of all kinds of crap in water cause they don t care if people die ,0
my favorite revolutions are the ones where i feel like i want to die all the time fun is an illusion of capital ,0
whenever the usa wants to take liberty to the rest of the world i will gladly die as its citizen and be collertal damage for the cause the military has been there for me 60 60 24 7 365 or my entire life if i am drafted haha i m dying for the cause ,0
i m not nor was i ever suicidal so i didn t want to just tweet i wanna commit die but ngl being withing a world feels hella bad rn,0
i was about to cry because my mom said i hope we all die by being old not by any other thing like how am i supposed to want to live for that much time while my religion doesn t even allows me to enjoy my sexuality leaving me with the only option of being alone forever ,0
okay now u went to far i want to die now,0
я опять покрасилась угу ударьте меня ,0
if you want to kille me kille make i die i will never follow you to that station ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
لم اكن بخير لفتره طويله ولكن لم يلاحظ احد ذلك ,0
i just want somebody to die for,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
hm awl for mobile please,0
i don t want to die bc of our failed healthcare system but it rly is set up to kill poor trans women especially poor trans women of color ,0
imagine being confederately cucked so hard that you d want to die on the hill of well the south had brave soldiers as a reason not to remove statues but i d expect nothing less out of a man who cites bible verses as justifications for separating immigrant families ,0
i am sad that so many people are going to be sick die or be financially ruined by the pandemic but some dark part buried in my subconscious is like well i m for sure going to be fine so fuck them if that s how they want to be lmao goodbye bich ,0
i hate reveluvs i hate them so much when i see them i just want to die i feel my blood boiling and my skin burning and my eyes watering my heart drops and i feel like fire is consuming my entire body why are they so evil and cruel i hate them,0
i want to write interactions between asha and other ocs but i would die for klara and no one can stop me,0
how does one best find a medium to articulate i hate personal attention detest it but theres now a want to express myself twitter isnt healthy anymore what it needs to save itself will also kill it hmm,0
yes nothing better than being in a cafe with your work in front of you time to kill i used to take myself out for the day sometimes as a treat haven t actually made a full day of it in god knows how long but i m craving it now more than ever,0
i ll never understand how like when someone s favorite person wife child best friend dog idc gets kidnapped and the person betrays the super hero group to save them everyone gets mad bitch fuck u ill kill u myself if it means my child will survive get da fuck outta here,0
you know something fun just having a random mood drop out of nowhere the one that just kills your mood your speed anything going on really anyway i wonder how much different i d be if i could motivate myself to learn to draw and have no second thoughts while doing so ,0
how do i know if this positivity and ambition is genuine or if i m just being manic and all these plans will feel stupid in a week and i ll want to kill myself i don t and there s no way to tell so lets have fun ,0
i am starting to see why the human race by the f end how do i do you a favor and one of kill myself or course you won t stop me or see me do it,0
how many people feel that way but are too afraid to say it i would find my child s killer and kill them myself also ,0
i m a look better in real life person i acc can t come an kill myself if i don t know how to take a selfie,0
yep i d tell you how i know all that but then i d have to kill myself wait that s not right this self quarentine is getting to me ,0
ur best friend also said that she got tired of u and ur problems that she will take care of herself cause she cant stand how pessimistic u are no just mine i will kill myself just need to find the right remedies i feel like shit cause i love some people i don wanna hurt them,0
similarly to how a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it does someone you torture and immediately kill ever feel pain if you don t answer i ll have to find out myself ,0
i like how if i tweet im going to kill myself ill get a few likes but if i tweet im sad that people call slave owners racists i ll get ppls dearest condolences ok,0
how am i supposed justify buying a 20 necklace etc if i have to pay the same in shipping i will kill myself,0
y all prolly think im fucking overreacting which yea i prolly am but you don t understand how bad my chest and binder not cooperating makes me want to kill myself,0
 taken by cps because he not only thought they were abusing their kids but also thought that they had ordered their kids to steal from him and i oh how many times ive tried to kill myself and that is all his fault i hate him ,0
i always said the world isn t fair what can we do towards corrupt and biased system i ll never tie myself to a woman no matter how much society and my biology will pressure me even if it kills me ,0
how it feels when my niggas start clowning on me and i m trying to force myself to not get toxic because they re just poking fun and it s no reason to kill the mood,0
i feel like one day i may have to explain myself i m a writer i swear research is fun though i learn so much like how to kill people with certain weapons igshid l1p9xw1jffhz ,0
i ve thought about how i d write my acknowledgement 1 all praises to internet service provider for the blessing endowed to me so that i can carry out this undergraduate thesis 2 all praises to me who didn t kill myself before doing this inspired from a 친구 ,0
i d be glad to keep helping people before i finally kill myself for those who doesnt know i can help with hormone treatment stuff if you have any question or dont know how to do it and or money if you really need to start your transition ,0
i ve been trying to move into my grandparents house or buy it for literal years i ve wanted that house since i was little now my sister is not only renting it but likely going to buy it and if that happens i think i might actually kill myself not sure how to talk about that ,0
 oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go i ll never kill myself to save my soul igshid jjesj5n88fp3 ,0
nobody hit me up when i was about to kill myself and that shows how much i m not shit thanks for that ,0
lmao this is so fucking ignorant who hangs themselves in a public place who decides that instead of all the other options to kill your def i m going to hang myself in city hall how fucking vapid are you ,0
if u wanna know how i m doing today the starbucks lady told me they might be out of what i wanted and i told her i was going to kill myself long story short i got my sausage and cheese sandwich ,0
i think i m going to kill myself how blind and stubborn to you have to be how many people do you want to die before you understand how important a lockdown is ,0
i remember seeing my parents bill for my inpatient mental health services when i was 16 and knowing how little the treatment helped literally wanting to kill myself again ,0
oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know ,0
i would kill myself like how long do you need to know if you wanna date someone,0
and to illustrate how ridiculous twitter is your comment was hidden as sensitive while the post telling me to kill myself was deemed as ok ,0
seriously asking how to kill insecurities i m tired of feeling not enough for myself,0
thankyou i feel really bad about how i started a bunch of arguments on here and im sorry i made people worry i was just dealing with a lot and i was having people commenting on instagram to kill myself and i decided i would,0
dont be that girl back story i made a happy birthday post for myself bc im so glad of how far i ve come from trying to kill myself 3 months ago ,0
idk why people want to act dumb and unknowledgeable to seem more attractive i would kill to know how to articulate myself i go into a serious conversation to show off that intellect i apparently possess and my head plays the fax machine noise stfu bitch ill kill u ,0
if i ever kill myself from how terrible n shitty this world is i want my family to sue n take ever last fucking cent he has cus yup bitch my death will be on your hands fuck you ,0
ok after seeing marina abramovic is somehow part of a global conspiracy with bill gates to kill us all and fox news not knowing how to properly photoshop i m taking a break from twitter today i m going to go cry laugh myself into oblivion abramovic ,0
lately i ve been thinking a lot how to kill myself ,1
believe me i m fucking fuming she s worked her ass off the last few months only to get no thanks no recognition for how hard she works this is the same guy who told me to my face when i worked there that i should just do the world a favour kill myself ,0
prior to the 60 s black americans had a justifiable fear of murder by whites the complaint whites are still racist how does that justify the huge murder rate between blacks now he s racist so i m going to kill myself at a rate greater than any other race please explain ,0
i don t wanna kill myself i just don t know how to express my feels or sum them into words so i just say i wanna kill myself,1
these people are just scum i could never lower myself to tell someone to kill themselves no matter how much i hated that person ,0
how to kill myself without hurting others ,1
why would i have to bother myself with a person who wants to force their beliefs on me or who might threaten to kill anyone around them including me i might plunder only their best and let the rest burn like how smite did to lovecraft and his monsters ,0
i can t kill myself allow me to flex o that was how i was playing that music and ended up not saving shi shi last year,0
thinking ab how in my last time in sheppard i wrote down my idea on how i would kill myself cuz i didn t want to forget basically i wanted to do heroin and drive off a cliff while playing highest in the room so i was high and flying,0
tw body image everytime i think about how much weight i ve gained i want to kill myself,0
 like to kill us all how dare you i defended the constitution for 21 years in the usn did you i still wear the masks in public which protects others not myself do you i have not traveled for 4 months to protect others and myself you ,0
true my sister as a man myself i dont know where r we taking this world how can one love a woman n then kill her tomorrow i dont care what she did to u man who r u to take someone s life ,0
i could talk about how i m going to kill myself on here and no one would fucking listen fuck this site i have no fucking real friends my best friend hasn t left her room in two days what s the point i ll never be pretty i need help please someone fucking help ,1
my introvert ass might actually kill someone might need to grow up and learn how to use my voice and ask for help cuz watching and staring ain t really helping note to myself ,0
how to love myself in my mind it just there how to kill my self,1
any suggestions how to kill myself na walang ibang taong masasaktan,1
i like staying by your side but it kills me inside you make me believe in myself but also hate me at the same time every time you show kindness i feel hatred upon my own life how can you be so pure but inflict pain to me like what you do at the same time beloved sharlene,0
bro i can t imagine myself ever telling anyone to kill themselves i don t even know how much malice and spite you need to have in your mind and heart to say that to somebody,0
maybe thinking of ways how to kill myself without others knowing ,1
how unfortunate it is to live in a world where i have to tell my socials that i m not going on any secret trips and i m not going to kill myself ,0
how tf is it normal for someone to pretend to be someone else if i hit up a girl and get married with her then find out she is actually a dude i would kill myself,0
tw cw suicide suicidal forgot how hard it was to function while in that i want to kill myself brain haze which is good tbh i haven t been this suicidal in a long while progress i ll be ok work today and tomorrow appointment monday adopting guinea pigs tuesday ,0
then i think in the future he will be fasting often because me i can t come and kill myself so i learnt how to cook before my mum even thought the time was right to teach me lol,0
its so impressive how my family can make me want to kill myself within 3 minutes of waking up,0
with a lot of berners starting to rationalize voting for biden because the lump is that bad think how you will feel about yourself for the next 4yrs biden or trump will be disastrous i would hate myself for voting for either i will feel good going green like in 16,0
i ve felt bad in the past i am so thankful for the world that i am army and i live at the same time as you describe feelings and thoughts is hard i have no idea how to describe my love to you i promised myself i wouldn t kill myself until i was at your concert,0
i was having my 63 quarantine breakdown and it has been one of the most painful bc i was watching videos about how a beautiful friendship zouis was and i ve been crying for an hour rn i want to kill myself ughh who would have thought this would be the last zouis picture ,0
well i appreciate it i don t think people get how maligned smoking is but it s just like any other addiction all the time i ll go sequester myself in a smoking area only to have some jackass wander by and performatively cough or say shit like those will kill you y know ,0
but after how many times i ve tried to kill myself and botched it i might as well give up on that too and just let myself waste away,1
oh how awesome is to kill myself without knowing ,1
if i saw a boy speed walking i think i would kill myself because of how embarrassing it would be to me,0
i never realized how badly i wanted to kill myself until i finally found a reason not to ,1
okay but i one time said i didn t like beyoncé when i was 13 and was depressed and so the beyhive gave me a step by step tutorial on how to kill myself lmao ,0
 how to kill myself but not hurting my mom s heart how ,1
my mom just walked in on me in the bathroom while i was brandishing bug spray at an ant invasion like a gun with a scope talking to myself like i ll kill you i ll kill all of you you think i m playin you wanna die i can t even blame quarantine this is just how i am ,0
sometimes i wish i still worked at my 50k a year desk job where i copy and pasted shit for 8 hours a day and then i remember how i wanted to kill myself every day instead of every 3 days,0
remember that scene in the office where michael can t decide who to fire so he has jim pretend to fire him to see how jim would handle it and michael just screams aaahhhhhhhh i m gonna kill myself i am going to kill myself and it s your fault that s me to myself,0
yes i went all the way out to this tree here so i can kill myself that s exactly how that works ohh and racism doesn t exist ,1
someone on a villager trading group just called lucky a terrifying demon and asked how to get him to leave bitch u better realize how blessed u are to have gotten him randomly people would kill for him and i myself paid 60 nmt for him,0
then i recommend learning how to apply and epi pen and learn my limits better than i acknowledge them because i m more likely to kill myself by not realizing i ve gone too far than anything else ,0
this is how i know i am being used my ps4 has been hijacked i swear i have to leave before i kill myself,0
what no like bruh no like i wonder how many times ill say it from now to till death not like killing myself kill over or anything like that,0
my phone broke back then so i used my mom s during my exchange i open the notes to list down my grocery list and found a note made by her about how she disappointed on me despite me doing everything she told me to it left wound i actually was thinking to kill myself for months,0
boyyy i see you niggas out here shuckin an jivin gone an tell massa how much you love him he might just let ya sleep in the basement in the big house meanwhile catcher freeman and myself planning a revolution to kill you and yo massa ,0
it always makes kills me how honest bill burr is about how fucked up his character can be sometimes i just realized i have a lot more work to do on myself than i had imagined it s really wholesome in a wierd way i relate fully ,0
you have no idea how badly i want to kill myself,1
lmfao i just searched how much ibuprofen would it take to kill myself and the first thing that popped up was the suicide hotline number in all bold caps i thought that was really funny,0
i think the fact that i cant even bring myself to anger that im just utterly broken i think that shows how truly upsetting this is,0
like thinking about how this girl played on my time in the name of reputation self honesty all year just to not have a prom if that was me i would just have to kill myself,0
i am so angry i can t even express myself but god knows how i feel pray the lord forgives me for wanting to kill who ever did this shit to this man may this man rest in peace he did not deserve this at all ,0
i want to kill myself i dreamt that i had a girlfriend and i called her to say why do a guy keep on saying he wants it number but she didn t care as much as i did and then she said that she won t be able to come to our house u don t know how i fucked up this dude in my dream,0
shit i felt so bad yesterday i cried and couldn t sleep not the same situation but i felt like if i would kill myself right there no one would notice because ig people are never there for me i like to talk about how i feel but my sibling won t listen and shit feels bad,1
tw suicide thinking about how my plan in fourth year was to kill myself before exams but then bts announced there love yourself tear album n i wanted to listen to it so i didn t,0
fuck mental health ppl are adding me on snap from my school and basically telling me to go cut myself twitter is the only platform i can be away from those ppl these two people audi and brad are making my life miserable rn dont know how long i can take before i kill one ,0
the thing is i dont even hate bts i love them with all my heart they taught me how to love myself but hey their fandom is telling me to kill myself lmfaoao,0
i agree ignore them do you know how many times i have been called racist and should kill myself this is just stuff they write on a computer i bet they would never be brave enough to say it to your face ,0
starting hormones myself to the point where if i cant i wouldnt be able to live bc its so painful to live how ive had to if i were denied treatment bc of this it would literally kill me and im sure it would lead to many other deaths that couldve been stopped by just not ,0
 ohh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go unsainted by slipknot ,0
my cactus seems dead not sure how this keeps happening maybe in my new world i can reinvent myself as someone who doesn t kill all plants including the ones that are very easy to care for,0
i just thought i myself you lucky dog if you only knew how many would kill to be in your position right now,0
i ll literally kill myself to prove to u how much i love u,0
i love bangtan because they taught me how to love myself i ve tried to kill myself three times because i hate hate the way i look i just never felt loved or connected to anyone i still don t but when it comes to bts i feel loved i feel connected their music has helped me a lot,0
it was being told i didn t know how to write i was garbage a joke and should give up writing and kill myself ,0
how can soft pretzels taste so amazing but hard pretzels make me want to kill myself don t ,0
 idk how to kill myself ,1
tw suicide so i walked in my older brothers room to literally ask him if i could borrow a pen mf goes on a discourse about how pathetic i am and ends it with if i were you i d kill myself thanks buddy ,0
 how to kill myself,1
i could be doing something and suddenly feel like my heart is breaking and start crying uncontrollably minutes later i feel empty and the only way out is to kill myself minutes later i m cackling from laughter from how insane i feel then i suddenly feel on top of the world ,0
how to kill myself,1
almost 2 years since i was in hospital for attempting to kill myself and i m so proud of how far i ve came since then but i still have nights where i can t sleep because my head feels like it s going at 100 mph if you re going through something just know it gets better,0
hate when you google something out of legitimate curiosity and google starts giving you the number for lifeline australia like bro i m not trying to actually off myself i just wanna know how many valium would kill someone,0
no matter how hard i try to do a thing there must be a time when people don t appreciate enough make me feel myself are not enough left me insecure and kill d by my own thoughts ,0
there are people who are actually suicidal and they re basically invalidating how they re feeling by using the term i want to kill myself just because they ve been cancelled or they ve done something stupid and they want sympathy it really fucks me off sorry but i m annoyed ,0
google how to kill myself without breaking my mom heart ara,1
thank you i m content as long as i don t have to devote a couple of hours each day to trying not to die not literally that s just how it feels i will never kill myself feel free to make light of it if you re stuck being mentally ill i say you might as well enjoy it ,0
my higher aspiration in life is not to care about my few affections to be able to kill myself without knowing that i am leaving pain how nice would it never be existed ,1
few know how bad i was doing during my time in on and being able to get my surgery and being able to look at myself in the mirror and being able to breathe is probably the only goddamn reason i was okay enough to not kill myself when one of my best friends died 2 months later,0
how to kill myself without breaking mom s heart,1
idk how to kill myself,1
it depends on the circumstance i tried to kill myself as puberty started because of my gender dysphoria i would say if i had gotten puberty blockers as a kid there would be less risk of me dying kid s can t diagnose themselves it s really up to how much you trust professionals,0
everytime i remember how i used to deal with situations being immature and having 0 attitude makes me wanna kill myself,1
good to know you want to see how many more americans trump can impoverish kill in another 4 more years i rather not myself but i m not part of a cult that is mindlessly loyal to trump no matter what the fuck he does ,0
or spiritual aesthetic appreciation for the reverse being uncomfortable on the edge anxious i knew requiem for a dream was a movie i liked for i wanted to kill myself right afterwards that s a great response i m sure someone has a medium post about how it gave them trauma,0
i d kill myself if i knew how to tie nooses,1
no like i m always shambles before it maybe i need to set myself up for more kills around 4th zone idk how tho,0
i told my mom how much i weighed and i lowballed it and she said my little girl is all grown up i m going to kill myself,0
you know that calculating meme that was my face while trying to figure out how to not kill anyone including myself after being raised here ,0
i mean if i was gonna kill myself i d look up videos on how to tie a noose properly too i don t get your logic here ,0
 have attempted kill myself several times in the past it leave it open for me to attempt it again the last time i tried was a few months ago but before then i actually was right at the point of doing it i don t know how i stopped myself from doing it but it s a strange case,1
one of these days i m going to accidentally kill myself from not knowing how house appliances and cleaners work,0
i hate it when people try to make me feel bad by telling me how mean i was after i had arowyn like sorry i had severe post partum depression and anxiety and i wanted to kill myself but i m sorry i hurt your feelings,0
i want to kill myself honey but how are you ,0
people on ig taunt me to go kill myself some girls just dmd me saying any tips on how to feel comfortable with shit boobs mine are a bout the same size as yours maybe bigger but i m too scared to take pictures any tips xxx luv i fucking hate you:(,0
i feel you i enjoy the people this game brings around a lot and i enjoy playing it with them but having to play online with bad connections and other bs just kills me i need to figure out how to deal with the bs and stop beating myself up over it ,0
how this caustic going to call me a noob because he got bad position and refused to get healed by my drone and never listened shit like i was doing the work myself and we fought a 3 and 4th party dying to the 5th party due rage leaves instantly when he sees my kills ,0
idk how cops can just kill people and keep living their lives i don t think i d be able to murder an innocent human and still live with myself,0
noooooo you have to kill a dog and the owner will cry nooooooooooooo how will i keep playing i am literally shitting myself while crying for the massive burden this game has given me i can t recover anymore this experience has scarred me for life,0
hey leavers go ahead and dunk on me i can take it i need a reason to drive myself into deeper despair come on i can take a bullet send me info on how to commit suicide as quickly and painlessly as possible please do me a favour kill me ,0
if i torch a building or kill a cop will that show solidarity to them or shall i prostrate myself denounce my whiteness how ironic black racists are raging against racism white americans turn out for floyd protests but will they work for change ,0
i couldn t bring myself to kill someone else no matter how much they ve done or how much i d want to i couldn t do it i ve seen too much death to be able to add to that ,0
i wonder what happens if i google how to kill myself ,1
as i really start to dive into sagemaker studio i find myself blown away blown away how some difficult things are now so easy but also how simple expectations from an enterprise seem to be flat out missing e g kill on idle ,0
idk how to kill myself,1
i really hope he forgives me and doesn t take it personally i m just a major hypochondriac and have brothers and if i ever gave them the virus i wouldn t know how to live with myself i would legitimately kill myself because i could never forgive myself ,0
never forget how i tried to kill myself 2 1 2 years ago and i od d and had serotonin syndrome for like 2 weeks so i told my ex i was sick and he managed to convince himself that he was sick too bc i gave him whatever i had lmaooo,0
i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go,0
whenever i hear someone say the good people on both sides quote i want to kill myself i m like how can people not have read or watched the entire quote by now yrs later he specifically condemns white supremacists in that statement its amazing how lazy and gullible people are,0
next poll i ll be asking how i should kill myself i m bias to the toaster in the bathtub but i m open to options ,0
if not myself somebody could make a thesis on john wick being about empathy and how the cycle of death and violence can be impossible to avoid for some people that scene especially when wick kills the son and his father thanks him for being quick and painless it s all relative,0
thinking abt how last year i tried to kill myself then dropped out of school no regrets i love myself sm now the growth is worth it ,0
yesterday someone told me to kill myself online because i was talking about how all lives wont matter until black lives matter is included in that statement notice how it didn t faze me still breathing i m stronger then that ,0
i agree with this so much i honestly don t get the idea everything they ve said is this game makes you feel like a bad person but it s all just you have to kill dogs and people have names yes but they also want to kill me how do i feel bad for defending myself ,0
i can t even describe in words how much respect and everlasting love i have for u thank u for everything i ll never let go of ur hands and i ll stay by your side forever you taught me something i couldn t teach myself you taught me how to truly love somebody ,0
bitch i suddenly sik tauk how to do simple essays bro bye gotta kill myself,0
how am i supposed to get through cancer while also having a borderline personality disorder will i need to increase the dose of my mood stabilizer be on clonopin literally 24 7 because ill probably try to hurt and kill myself in the process so,0
tw suicide as you may can tell im really not in the best headspace but idk rlly what to do anymore i don t wanna start venting to people in dms bc what if i actually kill myself ik this is kinda the same thing tweeting about it publicly but idk how else to deal with this rn,0
the greatest message they passed to me was making me learn how to speak for myself why i shouldn t kill myself doing others wishes i d forever be grateful for that ,0
there is a lot of people that are praying for nicholas and i hope and please let us know on his updates how he s doing i ll tell you if i knew the scum myself i would go to prison because i would kill them dirty son of a,0
10 now she is in a nursing home and doesn t even remember her son and now i m all alone in israel have no one to talk to since 1987 until today they cannot kill me with their sorcery because i study the kabbalah and learn how to protect myself from their black magic ,0
no not at all i actually agree with you because everything you re saying i am i don t have to fucking protest because i ve been protesting for 36 years every time i step out my house is a protest by how i carry myself as a decent honorable human on this earth,0
how many of my brothers and my sisters will they kill before i teach myself retaliation shall we pick a number june jordan i must become a menace to my enemies ,0
just thinking about how to kill myself and oomf retweeting this ,1
you can literally google it one just happened in 2014 with all the race problems why is it so hard to believe he was killed its ridiculous to say covid is everywhere so i ll kill myself b4 it gets to me how can they gather enough evidence in 1 night to know it was suicide,0
totally get u bruv im casual asf with it myself now so i can only imagine how it must feel as a content creator definitely stale now but my pure love for marvel and occasional need to kill time muscle memory makes me come back i ll still check the channel,0
we are in two pandemics as burna boy said i can t come and kill myself people don t have to understand or respect how you feel you just need to show yourself grace and kindness and love it ll work itself out maybe not in the way you plan but you ll get through it ,0
i had one of moments too except for the tipsy part i just had to remind myself of how many times i ve actually said kill me now and then i remembered that i wouldn t mind dying anyway ,0
i have a lot of things going on in my life but since i cannot come and kill myself the most important thing on the list today is learning how to twerk on youtube sigh,0
oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go ,0
yes i know how this feels coz one day in 2006 i went out to try to kill myself coz the torture of the docs lies to my gp were utterly unbearable on top of all the physical psychiatric injuries i was already trying to cope with alone coz hospital docs counsellor no help,0
so i m setting you free i m setting you free you ve killed the saint in me how dare you martyr me you ve killed the saint in me oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low ,0
the anti antagonist is back in style myopic cannot see straight dystopic one sin too late you gotta lie if you wanna believe but your bibles don t work on me oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know ,0
pick a lord and you pray to it you re so demanding when you want the truth but your stories don t read for me oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go,0
 unsainted letra slipknot oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go i ll never kill myself to save my soul i m finally holding on to letting go ,0
i am being tortured if this doesnt end there will be nothing because i will have committed suicide you dont know how awful this pain is go attach electroshocks to your genitals for 12 out of 24 hrs a day for months straight end this before i kill myself ,0
i want to kill myself because it is simply impossible how beautiful and pure this man is so understand me :(,0
 i m not going to do that shaking his head we re together now the dark lord s boys even though the dark lord never even visited him to begin with how else will i prove myself to him if i don t kill you holding him close still nicky boo ,0
how to kill myself ,1
how much more can my mental state take of listening to the normie takes on tr ans and g y and bl ck people find out soon when i kill myself ,0
yeeahh that definitely doesn t work but you will be very surprised at how much progress yah see by doing the bare minimum i ve lost quite a bit of weight and i don t kill myself in the gym i dont go to the gym at all i workout at home lol ,0
wow i mean really your words cut so deep i dont know how i will ever recover i may need to kill myself after being bullied by an intellectual heavyweight like you whatever will i do woe is me ,0
the way i cried so much at this scene tw self harm catra during this scene reminded me so much of myself when i was 14 15 i wasn t suicidal but if anyone had offered to kill me i wouldn t have said no and catra s facial expressions and voice showed perfectly how i felt ,0
woke up this morning honestly i m considering skipping work i m fucking tired and i have so many things i ve been need to take care of but i haven t been able o because of work and i still want to kill myself everynorning when i wake up how s your depressive episode going ,0
how to kill myself,1
lets see how long it takes for me to have a breakdown and finally kill myself,1
idk how to kill myself sometimes,1
i m done with feeling this way and idk how i got this far i mean this 100 id be dead today without my boyfriend cause i tried to kill myself in january if he wasn t there to call 911 i d have died the way almost dying felt scared me from wanting to try again ,0
 please don t kill me i m not actually conceited this is a joke i thought to myself at nearly 4 am because i was thinking about how i wish i was cool and instead of continuing with self deprecation i made a joke ,0
but it doesn t rly matter bc u feel how u feel hahaha love it oh don t worry to anyone who thinks i might kill myself i absolutely want to die but my mom would be so fucking pissed so don t worry bc gotta think of my mom ,0
said something i of haven t to someone on ig before blocking essitiantly just about reviewing about how people treat there followers so she outed me to everyone i ve had wave of hate mail ever since i ve been so depressed about i wanted to kill myself again ,0
i just saw my two boy best friends fucked up in drugs and it hurts me because i never in a million years tought this was how they d end up i hate myself for not being able to help them it kills me to see the boys i love the most do shit like this ,0
reading about how in the last of us 2 enemies scream in pain cry over dead pets and panic when you kill their friends and wondering to myself if anyone actually wanted this,0
how do people fall asleep with loud snorers i literally want to kill myself,0
they dnt knw how we pay our fees parents are also depressed husband is alone in canada i dnt want to live here wanna kill myself why i came here came here for a month but now its been 100 days ,0
know this too if they ever come for me to fit me up for something and i get branded a racist or nazi i ve never been either we know how they operate i would also never kill myself note that right now,0
first tell me how to not kill myself on accident,1
my tv s description of boys don t cry is so fucking transphobic like how can something make me want to throw up and kill myself in just one sentence i m fuming,0
how do people live in arizon and texas i want to kill myself when it s 80 degrees,0
suicide tw same it s been a hard week for me because of myself hating myself for how i am and how autism is affecting me it s gotten to the point where i ve legit wanted to kill my self like i don t want to deal with how i am anymore because it just brings me immense pain,0
do you know when i was 16 and was ready to kill myself someone called the suicide crisis line to ask how to help me the crisis line got my information and they sent the police to stop me here s my rant ,0
i keep accidentally liking h ikyuu posts on this account and bc of my layout i m scared they ll like come on my account and just see my eight tweets in a row about how i want to kill myself,0
 you know how for meditation you re supposed to clear your mind or something that s literally happening to me rn i m shaking myself,0
when they make me human which the ai does i just want to kill my self and even when not human i just want to kill myself how many colonels are marked for termination off my twitter ,0
i ve truly wanted to kill myself since i was 16 years old and i ve made it to 25 that s a great accomplishment but i don t know how much longer i can truly go or if i wanna keep going at all anymore,0
haha yeah i just can t fucking watch it i will not bring myself to do it i m not even curious to see how cringe worthy it is i think i still have ptsd after that imagine clip,0
i ve got plenty of problems with myself i need to work on including spending and exercise maybe a driver s license if i don t kill anyone some things i need to get over myself about but in my current state i don t know how proud i can be of what i do for a living ,0
i can t ever talk to people about how i m feeling they don t care they just don t want me to kill myself and have blood on their hands for doing nothing about it ,1
i got verbally harassed and bullied for wearing one on my walk home and she gave me a lecture on how i needed to research and how i was going to kill myself from breathing in co2,0
thinkin abt how i ve always wanted to express myself thru style growing up but was always told it was white people stuff now that that s over chile,0
do you know how much i hate having a mental illness like give me neurotypical basicness not a word i know over trying to kill myself for the dumbest shit do you know how fucking exhausting it is trying to recover from a suicide attempt ugh the pits,0
you are the reason i want to kill myself but also the reason no matter how much i want to kill myself i would never ever do that because you d be sad mom,1
how am i supposed to tell if my medicine is having negative side effects if i already want to kill myself,0
rewatching ceg really gets to me especially the suicide attempt because it s so similar to how i tried to kill myself in grad school,0
how can i tell my parents that i want to kill myself without them getting hurt i m really tired of everything,1
that s how they are they constantly think of themselves as children that s why abortion is so important to them i cant have a kid i m just a kid myself but she s 22 that s why they aren t married live in mom s basement yadda yadda that s why they think chaz will work ,0
yeah it made me almost want to kill myself man how could some horrible person be allowed in a film like that ,0
i cut myself off from a bunch of people randomly back in 2018 because i was convinced i was going to kill myself because i couldnt live with being an addict anymore instead i went cold turkey felt like shit and actually got clean idk how the fuck i managed that,0
i dont even know how i want to word this tweet but it boils down to my mental illness makes me want to kill myself if i do not have a defined personality or fragmentation in a group of people so please stop taking my personality imitation is not flattery to me ,0
again the insults prove my point you automatically fall back to insults instead of making a good argument plus i ve been told to kill myself before and i ve been called faggot you really don t understand how little your trolling matters to me i just want a clear simple answer,0
 dc movies ranked by how much i want to kill myself watching them my list on ,0
is my fbi agent scared that i looked up how to kill myself painlessly 3 times in the past week ,0
that s exactly how it is for me the rain kills me i never turn it off i m past my five year mark where we re supposed to get the battery replaced not looking forward to it but have to i find myself charging every 2 weeks now i m glad you re feeling better ,0
my health insurance company signed me up with this wellness program and they re like oh so how do you think movement effects your blood pressure and i m like ma am i ve been listening to the bee gees and making balloon animals in an effort to not kill myself ,0
my 7th grade teacher made me wanna kill myself but also taught me how to write like a motherfucker so i hope hes doing good,0
look i know how it feels i myself almost felt the urge to kill myself once because i was lonely and i never get a lot respect i hope you feel better plz don t we need you,0
might just fuck around and kill myself none of y all niggas cared lmfaoo who abandons their friend who literally called u their fp it s crazie who the fuck berates and yells at you for being hurt y all really know how to ruin a birthday huh fake ass hoes,0
what i ve found the most helpful is to watch a video guide to get myself familiar with the mechanics and then go watch a few pov videos of kills where the gameplay won t be chopped up for guide purposes so i can get a feel for how the actual encounter will go hope that helps ,0
 tw ed s s cide sh racism hello i know none of you will see this but this girl has been super racist and talks about how fat i am all the time she s told me to kill myself that my parents are ab sive im poor that i faked s cide sh and my past ed thread ,0
i don t know how ppl breed hundreds or thousands of eggs just to get one shiny pokemon and then do that hundreds of times for a bunch of pokemon i want to kill myself trying to trade for one regular not shiny popplio hahahah ,0
i just don t want to burn myself out with this because it feels like i m starting to so how about we shorten it to 3 5 posts per day ,0
is it bad how easily i get guilty like the guilt can absolutely swallow me even if i accidentally kill an ant i feel so bad about myself also if someone hurts me i feel bad that i might give them ptsd and apologise instead i dont know what to do about this :(,0
agreed i don t look for them to change who they are sometimes people think i don t control myself and read my tweets in their perception of how i m saying it i just ignore some games continue to say it i showed some1 a reflection of me to a character but they didn t see ,0
yes a part of me feels like they ve spoiled me in certain ways to cripple me they only started supporting my actual goals once i pretty much wanted to kill myself had a huge mental breakdown even then it s still used like you owe me how dare you criticize anything,1
oh wow small dick joke how original my life is shattered how can i go one living in this cruel world now that a random person on twitter has insulted the size of my reproductive organ i must go kill myself now to be or not to be that is the question wheth dead ,0
i want to kill myself buh ion know how ,1
bloodscar about how her beauty can ensnare men into her trap and kill them my friend kept saying how lyric was such a monster and all i want to do is see this legend and test myself against it salamander be careful when fighting lyric ,0
if you re not good with how things are with yourself then change i m not unhappy or happy with myself just kinda lost some would think that i attempt to only get people around me on both accounts probably more so on the other right now i try to find those who made me smile,0
 who wants to see how fast i can kill myself his depression is slapping his cheeks,0
how much is ps3 now i can t come and kill myself that s what i can try to afford ,0
luckily i take excellent care of myself and i fought off corona in a few days tops but i can definitely understand how that virus can be crippling to older people and even kill them shit was not a joke ,0
ok confession low key been a blanket burrito and trying to mentally prepare myself and schedule how to kill 35 comms so here s how imma do it gonna do 5 7 a day starting from noon till whenever i m done hopefully everything will be done by june 25th i got this w hh,0
others who survived a suicide attempt and got better are like i m so lucky i m still here id most likely be like uhmmm yeaaa i faileddd let s not talk about that i was literally even too incompetent to kill myself how hard could it be uhmmm ya bye ,0
how many more times do i have to kill myself in my nightmares in order to wake up,0
meh you re allowed to feel that ways as much as i m allowed to feel my way so how about you stop feeling defensive for jeremy cause at least i m just defending myself lol,0
i think i figured out how going to die definitely liver failure i way i see my own failures is stupid it s either not a problem at all orrrrr just kill myself with these options my body goes under intense stress and shuts down unless i have a sip of alcohol,0
should i try kill myself again i tried million times i was thinking i overcame my depression but i didn t i started to thinking about suicide again idk how i can stop those thoughts i feel like i m gonna cry ,0
lowkey just wanna see how many replies i get telling me to kill myself,1
what i saw and how they treat the police was unbelievable and i thought to myself how do they do it without loosing thier tempers they are true professionals but there are times when an officer dont give a shit and kill someone they will go to jail for ever continue ,0
i m asking myself the same question how many others like me never actually knew who these bases were named for i do now and i am questioning why they d be named after generals whose army fought against the united states and thankfully lost it makes no sense ,0
probably gonna move to another country and leave everything behind if things ever start to calm down just a bit that or kill myself whichever is easier we ll see how the coming months play out ,0
i don t know how to feel is that me ,0
thinking about how an old man just pulled up next to me and decided he had nothing better to do but roll down his window and tell me to kill myself because i a delivery diver was looking at my navigation while stopped at a red light,0
you re a friggen whiner both you players and owners should grow the hell up and see how good you have it i kill myself for 18 and hour to make it and you whine over millions live in my shoes pal grow the hell up ,0
wow man i get it i want to do something myself about how the cops kill unarmed white people enough is enough i stand for blacks being killed by cops and i stand by white people who are killed twice as much by police then blacks enough is enough,0
if your mom treats you with love and respect and doesn t shit on you everyday i hope you cherish her and realize how lucky you are all i get is how much i suck as a person and the urge to kill myself to get out of her way ,0
my brother literally has the smallest brain he found a spider in the house and he wanted to kill it but i straight up had to walk him through how to capture it to take it outside i may as well have done it myself,0
also because of how josh acted when i was explaining myself normally that s what makes me feel like misrepresenting what i was saying purposely cause instead of owning up to he might ve assumed he just posted pics of my page and started making fun of me as a person 2 his fans,0
i have tried to kill myself because of people like you do you know how that feels to be told to die and feel that nobody loves you being afraid to die yet trying anyways ,0
is this how i get to you so i dont acendently kill myself,0
what major do you wanna take in the future psychology or software engineering depending on how much i want to kill myself,0
what kills me the most is when i hear a fellow brotha saying i myself am scared to be gunned down by another black man everyday why do black lives only matter when a white cop kills one well how bout we ask the obvious question why do black people kill eachother ,0
shoot to kill i was extremely blessed to begin my training w my father and the late sid woodcock i had no idea when i was a kid that i was being taught how to defend myself from a former assassin such an amazing man read this quick profile about him ,0
how do i tell my aunt i would happily kill myself before going to an lds family services therapist again,1
tw suicide thinking how if i actually do kill myself my family would only notice like hours later because we dont talk to each other,0
i ll never forgive that part of twitter that said if you don t come out of quarantine with a new skill bitch do you know how hard it was for me to not kill myself ,0
isn t it fucking amazing how you can literally take care of someone for years and then when they switch up now they have some twisted fucking narrative of how things were i m going to kill someone or myself haven t decided yet ,0
starbucks always know how to kill my vibe i gotta learn how they make my s mores frappes so i can do it myself,0
 comparison can kill you you don t need to do it how everyone else has done it to be fulfilled tell myself this each day but oh man did i need to hear it today,0
i spit the hate that on a hard day so put you kill myself pretend how you wanted it coming on try to a toy hehe i had enough,0
it s hard not to loose myself in anger kill em all and let god sort them out that kind of thing but that is not how our father in heaven works pray for them pray for the lost they truly need him even after this is over a heavy price will be paid we will demand it ,0
idk how to kill myself,1
i find it funny how people are telling me i look retarded and that i should kill myself like is that the best you can do my sister almost fucking tazed me and said worse shit to me growing up so nothing ain t phasing me at this point,0
i need a good mushroom trip soon i really needed to learn how to find these things in the wild i m so paranoid i ll identify them wrong and kill myself ,0
somewhere in the book ive come to realise how a good person acts this one more to reminding myself sbnrnya like putting himself into someone else s shoes when nate hears another men fucked up a relationship with their wives he genuinely wants to kill that men ,0
how to kill myself before my appointment,0
i used to say that my writings were just things i do to entertain myself now i see how much disrespect those words contain these words and sentences are not just things i do to kill time this is my life i am a writer ,0
y all don t like the shit i do or act but when i try to fix myself it s a problem how i m doing it kill yourself ,0
how to kill myself without hurting my mother s heart seach,1
sometimes i want to kill myself at how dumb people are how do you even come up with sh t like this not only does he not know the history of his own country he also doesn t know roman numerals demolition of the belem tower and the monuments of the age of discoveries 1 2 ,0
glimpse of personality disorder appeared from now on now i m calm thanks to the medicine in junior high school i still remember it but i wanted to kill the whole family every day and die myself so i thought about how to do it but i still only thought about a kitchen knife ,0
i m deadass late to work bc i m just sitting here trying to figure out how to take his fucking picture off my desk without my boss thinking i m trying to kill myself ahahaha,0
sometimes i think how to kill myself without hurt pain and guilt ,1
those people beating up on the white guy are just angry and upset how dare that policewoman try to separate them she should just let them kill that guy is what the left are saying that is why i have concealed carry and can defend myself equalizer 45 caliber ,0
i always ask myself how would i react if i d live in germany today and would meet retired nazi solder who is enjoying same civil rights as me knowing that he was told to kill people in wwii everyone needs to accept his her responsibilities ,0
you re right oe i think i just feel helpless hence my tweet like how can i know protect myself truth is there s no way men are out to kill us yabona eyepast is worse i don t think i could look past a man who is capable of doing that to another woman then act psycho leyo,0
i actively avoid posting photos of myself online i d rather people tell me to kill myself based on what i write or which horror properties i support than how i look ,1
 how would i tell her that she s all i think about imagine being all harry styles thinks about i d just kill myself there d be nothing more for me to achieve in life,0
this is so heartbreaking im seriously ashamed to call my self a man with so many death and woman abuse cases i have 3 daughters i ask myself how will i be able to protect them while my believe is that a child is raised by a nation that kills them god protect all the woman,0
how i am a failure 101 online exams every possible way to cheat available i used google for the answers results 13 20 send ways to painlessly kill myself pliss,0
i m glad i know how to isolate myself when my attitude is this bad cause baby if looks could kill,0
how to kill myself without everyone know,1
you dont know how much i wanted to kill myself,1
bro 60 mill next to a billy is nothing how did she lose a billion dollars of net worth no wonder shes so mad all the time i d kill myself if i squandered 10 digits,0
girl you have had no valid and strong point this whole conversation and ooo ur telling me to kill myself now how grown up and mature of you,0
i was talking to a regular at work about finishing my degree and i was like i don t know what to do with myself now and he was like you could write a book do y all know how fucking good it felt to say oh i ve done that i m a bad bitch you can t kill me,0
 you understand he says they know this is how to kill me by getting me to kill myself ,0
how can you get up go to work and extrajudicially kill someone how can you do this to people for a paycheck and go home at the end of the day i don t get it i could never explode a protestor s eyeball or choke an innocent person to death and live with myself not normal ,0
so sad can t stop thinking how to kill myself,1
what matters is how much i lived in those moments there s so much i can do to reach you but i m restricting myself for now i know i made mistakes in the way i reacted but i felt so helpless i just want to ask you will you kill me coz i erred ,0
bitch i m with you you do not get to take away how i identify myself or how i see sex as a menstruating baby making woman because of what you do with your life you can be lgbtq without trying define hsw m that s heterosexual straight women and men they kill me with this shit,0
omfg finally like homeboy made fun of my parents and told me to kill myself like omgg i cant even explain how happy i am rn,0
this is how it goes for me as well also happens in classic mix so i just stick to comp elim trials now and i just kill my sled with mountaintop when matched against a cheater which is a lot either that or get a survival suspension i d rather kill myself than play 6v6 ,0
true it can be difficult to know how fragile of any of us could be at times and people should practice what they preach i like to reassure people that i m terrified of death so i would never kill myself but my emotional well being suffers when i get misread as a bad person ,0
oh i ll never kill myself to save my soul i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go,0
my stomach and head hurt so bad and i forgot about how bad it was throughout today s exam and when i was done the pain came back to me i ve had no proper sleep no proper food declining mental health no dicks i could fuck myself on please just kill me god i beg you,0
well i m probably going to bed let s see how many angry libs tell me to kill myself in the morning ,0
legitimately just saw a reddit post comparing hbo temporarily removing gone with the wind to nazi book burnings and i actually want to kill myself how the fuck are people so stupid ,0
i feel nothing now i ve been grinding to get a big box and mega box and i got nothing i had to play with randoms and i kept on pushing for nothing i can t express how much i want to kill myself,0
idk what to do yes or no i mean can u please stop i don t know how i feel about this should i stop saying those things ok goodnight i ll go to sleep before i kill myself,0
sometimes i think about how i came back to boarding school from the mental hospital after trying to kill myself sophomore year and everyone knew i tried to kill myself but only 1 person hugged me,0
i tried to kill myself when i was 12 bc i was a transgender kid who wasn t given emotional support or medical intervention weird that i stopped hating myself after transitioning right weird how common that is when that contradicts all your research huh,0
hi i can t stop thinking about how 6 years ago i wanted to kill myself and now i wake up every day next to the love of my life i m so happy to be alive even though i feel like i m doing nothing with my life i m just glad to be here,0
when i was like 15 on tumblr i made a post about how high school students are already living in the real world which got hella notes and anons were telling my to kill myself over that,0
i know minutes before then i contemplated drowning myself but i couldn t my dad said if i really wanted to kill myself i know how but i ve tried multiple times in different ways and for some reason i m still here ,0
my uncle and his friend came to my house for dinner and im on my unicorn pjs i wanna kill myself how do i explain myself now,0
pay it back interest free now i see 24000 jail time i tried for months to get answers if i m around next election i will vote for anyone if it means you re not pm you showed me how little i matter i ll kill myself before i go to jail just for trying to survive fuck you,0
 understand he got into my face and started screaming at me extremely loud how i m selfish and ungrateful how dare i talk to him that way i lost it and screamed i was going to kill myself he climbed on top of me and laid on me i screamed loudly for him to get off and ,0
it s just a score it s just a score it s just a score no shit it s not ika how can you have a dream wanting to be a scientist when you can t even score better than your friends in exam i hate myself my mom and dad s gonna kill me for sure,0
however i ve concluded that my life would be a waste of resources unless before i die i take out at least one male who if left to live would continue to abuse women and children so yeah afraid i m not going to kill myself tonight despite how attractive not existing is ,1
i m sorry i spazzed i m sorry i snapped i was mad an hurt an i wanted to express how i feel i don t know who leaked my stuff nor do i know how they got it all i know is that made me want to kill myself knowing someone seen pics of me like that when i never sent them out,0
not sure how but i think i m going to try and do a backflip when i kill myself,0
thankful for organizing work bc it teaches me something new everyday how to reassess my own actions and words and be critical of myself and always remembering the reason why we do this work is because of the love we have for each other and our communities,0
i can t bring myself to vote for the top five songs can t even choose top ten how dare them make me suffer like this i know maybe 100 songs that needs to be in the top ten kill me,0
i can t change how you see me and i won t come and kill myself for anyone i take everyone for who they are or i leave them the same should apply to me,0
but the fact is i am really hurt by some armys opinion about answer love myself how can you not like this song don t you feel anything while listening to it i respect your opinion if she isn t your cup of tea but saying that she should be out of top 50 literally kills me,0
still a daily fight but went from constant self harm and trying to kill myself every year to knowing how to manage my bipolar depression now my anxiety is a different story,1
i was gone but how was i to know i didn t come this far to sink so low i m finally holding on to letting go i ll never kill myself to save my soul,0
i remember i copied a book on wattpad at age 12 and istg i just thought it was like just reposting and the author in her twenties sent her fandom fans to tell little me to kill myself and how shitty i was lmaooooo and she would threaten to sue me and croq,0
victims who have had their power taken away tend to lie in ways that make themselves seem bigger i used to do it myself i dont see how this kills her credibility in regards to her assault allegations ,0
i d twisted myself in knots trying to do right by gwen and how she wanted to kill herself her fiancee said she wouldn t talk to me that i had to wait for two days which included no contact on thanksgiving this was absolute torture the radio silence and not knowing ,0
i took delivery of my bbshd a month ago and there it sits waiting for battery to be honest i m afraid of how much fun this is going to be i m 69 in october and i promise you i m not going 40mph down the bike lane so the motor is for getting uphill can kill myself coasting,0
this is why i don t post photos i would prefer people tell me to kill myself because of what i write not how i look ,0
when i talk about my experience with anorexia most people said i was too extreme eating disorders kill i was starving myself to die and you think you ll stop at your goal weight you really don t know how this works do you ,0
a wise man once said you ve gotta know how to kill em to be able to kill em couldn t have said it better myself,0
who knows how to get a ps4 out of safe mode hurry before i kill myself,0
how to kill myself wothout hurting my moms feelings,1
you do not want to know how many times i ve been told to kill myself because i have not watched their show ,0
i have a bunch of serrano peppers and i m trying to figure how to best kill myself by using these tonight in some dish ,0
being scared you ll literally die when you go to sleep bc of how weak hungry u feel when you don t eat much vs crying everytime i look in the mirror bc i hate my body and the society we live in so much i want to kill myself,0
me plotting how to kill myself since 1995 ,1
makes sense to be honest if i was going to kill myself this is how i would do it move along no institutional racism to see here,0
just remembered how they didn t put my picture in my graduation and suddenly i want to kill myself again,0
i need to stop angering myself by looking at as es on fb i honestly feel like if we all did and new how many were out there we would be more compelled to vote in november kills ,0
idk just bc i make a joke about how much i want to kill myself etc doesn t really give you the free pass to tag me in anything suicidal depressing you see on the internet unless youre close enough to me reach out to me bc otherwise it feels hella insulting fuck you,0
i called in sick cause the depression be hitting the kill myself vibes how tf am i supposed to get a doctors note for that ,0
how do i report someone for telling me to kill myself after the gambit match is over and they aren t in my roster anymore ,0
going to kill myself how could i jnsult a fema le,0
how do u advocate 4 urself when ur in a bad spot mental health wise w o saying i m gonna kill myself i m not gonna do that but damn i went thro an entire explanation and even repeated myself to get nowhere i m not suicidal but is that the only way you can get support ,0
how many times i was told growing up to kill myself or shut up because no one cared about these big issues effecting our community and how so many of these same exact people are protesting constantly discussing the issues at hand ,0
i tried to kill myself when i was 15 and failed it took a few more years of not having better reasons to live but i pushed on and it wasn t very long that i was glad to still be alive and don t you want to stick around long enough to see how this shit show all plays out ,0
based on my looks how much do you think i want to kill myself ,0
i played one round of apex and someone called me a fucking squeaker and to kill myself because i was trans and chose mirage and was stealing all their kills ,0
it s still hard for me to repeat the things sent to me bc of how explicit the messages telling my to kill myself and just how disgusting i was i like to think i ve moved on from it but that doesn t detract from how traumatized i was from all the cyberbullying ,0
you d be surprised how many times i ve seen a supposed evil police kill unarmed civilian video that has been edited down or has no context to push a certain agenda like i stated before i ve been in situations like this myself i know how these officers think no officer ,0
no pot as my kids husband would have found a use for it i put the money in my savings everyday i didn t notice as i was use to not having extra money i was able2 spoil the kids and husband health is great2 i was shocked at how much i was spending to kill myself slowly ,0
not to even mention the hate i have for myself i don t just get told to kill myself from internet trolls that thought rolls through my head everyday because of people like you spouting shit about how i m not really trans or i m only trans because of peer influence 4,0
 gratefully his eyes shifting to look at her briefly before they returned to the pot in his hands a part of him wanted to tell amber about those dark thoughts about what was going on she deserved to know but how was he supposed to do that he knew that would be an ,0
vented about how i wanted kill myself few tears ago and brought up a botch name so her friend showed her and they took me to the school get over me,0
alex gave a confused look tilting his head a little as he leaned forward to reach under the seat pulling the marijuana from under the seat he even managed a slight smile whether it would help or not he wanted to smoke it there was a part of alex that knew deep down how ,0
 slowly open his eyes he squinted at the light that had entered his eyes for the first time in he didn t know how long it took a while for anything to really register in his brain where he was what was going on what had happened he didn t remember much he wasn t ,0
i dont kno how niggas b havin a roster of chicks cuz the pretty girls is annoying as fuck id kill myself if id have to deal wit annoying times 2 or 3,0
how is it that if i call my sister stupid i get in trouble for it but when she tells me to run away or that i should kill myself everyone wants to act deaf the double standards are sickening i m cancelling my sister,0
my two reasons i won t kill myself 1 my mom always told me i wouldn t get into heaven and now that she is there i realize how much i really want to see her again 2 my wife will be wealthy ,0
 who were causing so many pain it didn t matter anyway nothing did it didn t matter how much he would kick and scream how much he d try to stand up to those assholes or how much he tried to get it through the teachers thick heads that their ignorance was the problem it ,0
the most i can give jojo is a 9 5 out of 10 just due to how bad part 1 was in hindsight i can call shows like hxh and aot 10 10 but just due to the fact that part 1 of jojo made me wanna kill myself i don t think it could ever reach a 10 10 ,0
 hated how the school boasted about offering counseling and support like that would make them a martyr like it would make everyone s problems go away he wondered why they didn t actually do anything to stop the pain that students endured why they didn t punish the bullies ,0
plenty of time to think about how i m gonna kill myself yes ,1
how to kill myself without anyone noticing,1
i m in middle of teaching myself how to kill with a trep shh i love how each of your book teach me something different ,0
tw sh just bit myself and hit my head off the wall a few times instead ive no fucking idea how to manage anger i want to kill everything in sight,0
sometimes i think about how i wanted to kill myself last year and i wonder if i made the right decision staying alive i m happy to say the answer is positive more times than its negative,0
just started crying because i don t know how i m supposed to not kill myself if i can t go to a concert til next fall,0
sometimes i think i m ready to get into a relationship but then future comes and says yeah i ride for my niggas i lie to my bitch woo and i just can t restrain myself from saying it and that s how i know i m not ready ,0
if i don t kill myself before then my famil are just going to hate me more lol idc how it s gonna make them feel anymore they shouldn t have said things that they have and then it ll be awww never saw it coming fuck off,0
 intentions so he decided he would try to let her help him in truth his mind terrified him most of the times the things he thought of the things he considered doing he wondered how his family would feel if he ever acted on those thoughts how amber would feel ,0
hey guys the person who made me almost kill myself is inside my house and wants to talk to me how s your day going ,0
how to kill myself,1
fuck ny emts when i was overdosing as they took me to the hospital they were talking about how it was such a boring day to be doing the ambulance i had just tried to kill myself,0
it s why i can t physically bring myself to watch kill la kill i really don t care how good it is,0
but either way no matter how logical i try to stay and talk to myself like im not me and im someone else my idiot brain keeps going this is ur fault why didnt u kill yourself all those times and hey u might as well do it now lmfao fuck,0
how do people do edits i ve been trying to do an edit on tik tok for hours and i want to kill myself,0
i know that the second i speak my thoughts and opinions everyone will hate me and tell me to kill myself because that s how the media is these days no one thinks but i am really debating about saying something because everyone is pissing me off ,0
i refuse to be muzzled collared how ever you see it i will gather with my many friends if you are afraid then wear your stuff you re protected lol i won t kill myself from the paranoia i won t give up my rights as an american ,0
not gonna kill myself but from this moment on if you were to observe my life how id interact or shall i say avoid at all cost uninteract which would in my case be authentic as hell youd see the old me him is dead ive said for years im a different breed more efficient caliber ,0
yes i am very creative when thinking about how to kill myself d :D,0
i m tryna learn how to shoot a gun so i can kill him myself at this point ,1
that thread is pretty wild 1 dude is all like katy makes me want to kill myself she is lucky i wasn t mean to her he then proceeds to call someone sugartits and goes off about how you are the toxic one it was indeed a wild ride ,0
 and that i was somehow just weak ended up seeing that cop again a few years ago pulled me over because my license plate light was out and recognized me made the comment that with how little it took for me to want to kill myself he was surprised i was still alive ,0
how to kill myself without breaking my mom heart ,1
i mean it is pretty sad but half of kids s parents are divorced and it is common to loose friends plus i know how to deal with bullies since i ve had to go through people telling me to kill myeelf telling me to cut myself and telling me that they will kill me,0
one told me i should kill myself for not wanting to drive from la down to fucking long beach when i didn t find him at all attractive how delusional do you have to be how much do you have to hate women that you immediately go there these are rhetorical questions we know ,0
my mom posted about how the tr mps take like 1000 more trips than the obamas did and my aunt s uncle the one who told me to kill myself said the prez donates all but 1 of his salary ,0
dr dawkins use to make me want to kill myself cause every appointment he be in the room with another client but saying slick shots to me of how kimario mama was doing me little he even said you dont even know her ,0
gone through all sorts of how to kill myself that time i lived in kondo tingkat 14 must be an easy way to die i once thought agagaga but that time ada ex and he s like trying to tell me not to do anything stupid always texting me asking what i m doing ,0
people keep telling me to just be an assistant and work your way in that way and i can t help but think about how i d probably kill myself if a fraction of the horror stories came true for me while i was working,0
bro i don t know how this girl somehow manages to make shit about herself on a post that wasn t even about her or any of her interests i m gonna kill myself,0
you don t know how much i want to kill myself because of you ,0
once did i retaliate in murder sure i could ve and it probably would be justified by a lot of people but i m not going to do that to myself just stop fucking flaunting about how badly you wanna kill people and make others feel bad for not wanting to kill people ,0
im about to kill myself dead ass these emotions the thoughts i got they not healthy man im jot looking for fucking attention i either speak up some how or just do it sick tired,0
i want to kill myself right nowwww how the fukkkkkkkk i wasnt supposed to be on the video and now my boss calls me like hey you up where are you and im like in my bed and she goes wtf you should be ready for the recording no one told me i was going to be on the video,0
being autistic reading books being my big brothers weaker little brother if im being honest highschool was a real dark time for me and full of alot of anger over how others were treating me there was alot of times i got beat on or told to kill myself and it was just not great ,0
half my tweets are about how i m going to cover myself in nazi blood then go and fuck god i hope the police never kill me cos they ll have a field day ,0
i born in a country with no freedom and human rights even i kill myself the government will quickly erase my misfortune life and there s no chance for the public to understand me how i hate the country the government the people ,0
is a pretty rad guy who knows how to make ppl laugh with his sharp wit and we can laugh at each other when i team kill him or i kill myself jumping through portals,0
to the isolation from my peers my latin teacher was the only one that understood and where i took refuge from it all it s horrible and just want to cry at the memories 14 i wanted to kill myself didn t know how but knew it wasn t an answer ,0
hey i m going to kill one of my scs secondary character in my first book cupid s scarves soon and i m hating myself for doing it how can i gracefully kill my sc give your suggestions ,0
lmfao my mom just tried to compare how she tells her self to not take 800 mg of motrin like i need to tell myself to stop smoking weed what a great start to my morning tbh,0
i always ask myself how the heck is a person gonna be racist but support a whole black man that what kills me and i also notice a lot of his white fans thinks he s a white man also i saw something once that a fan said that black people was trying to steal michael from them,0
you say that but then you threaten me with shit like i ll kill myself for you then do you not realize how manipulative that is you said that to a suicidal person how am i meant to just forgive and forget ,0
how are you feeling today i feel like wanting to drown in water for some odd reasons i m not trying to kill myself but i just feel like drowning everything else around me ,1
paa eh how to do this sia sis if you can t then nvm paa wow i can t do then what want me to kill myself us ,0
why i have no compassion for myself how do i learn not to kill myself over every mistake i make,0
i understand how you feel mh services treat autistic girls terribly it can get better though last year i tried to kill myself so many times but i m reaching a point i want to live i never thought that would happen ,0
jump off a cliff drowned myself cross the street to kill myself taunted my dad to beat me up some more hmm overdosed on expired medicine yes yes how can u be alive after all of that idk,1
um will law schools understand that my college gpa is so low because i practically failed sophomore year bc instead of studying i was trying to figure out how to kill myself with out traumatizing my roommates,0
talked to a stranger gave me tips on how to kill myself ,1
beautiful too and i would have been except for bitches like you still now you want me to kill myself snuff film how do you face me how will you face kurt no i don t want him i d rather be steve jobs s pet in the white house maybe some day what are we missing are you,0
funny how i m terrible for calling someone fat but you telling me to kill myself is okay lol,0
stop na nag kwento na ko susunod na dyan yung nag aagaw na ang dilim at liwanag sa buhay ko i really tried to kill myself but i choose to hold on to her no matter how difficult it is kahit pa we always break up and hardly try to give each other space ,0
3 30 thinking about sad shit my life is so sad why becuse pepole want to use me pepole i loved leave me i cant sleep if i do i kill myself in my sleep i dont know how to make my life better,0
one more thing the day i was admitted i had a panic attack i tried to call into work they told me i had to have a dr note or i d lose my job how shitty i went to the er to get a dr note for literally anythinv that s when my ex told them i tried to kill myself ,0
this is nothing important but i had a dream this morning that harvey keitel s character in irishman was floating above our house supermanesque and he told me to kill myself how romantic ,0
honestly i could fucking make a post about how im going to kill myself with proof i would and none of you would give a fuck,1
how to kill myself no pain ,1
it still kills me how the big reveal of the game failed on me because the game expected me to make a buff military man to represent myself even as a cis dude i was like nah ,0
yk sometimes i just have those moments by myself where i just stop and stare and think damn maybe i do wanna kill idk how idk when but i think im sure i want to,0
when i was 10 i had still do have severe depression and i had tried to kill myself multiple times by not eating sleeping so i was really scared and i wrote a note for my mum and she turned to me laughed in my face and went that s not how you kill yourself ,0
today i told my boy bad i was gonna kill myself and for him to call me and he left me on open lol how s everyone s month going thus far,0
ngl i did set a mousetrap off on myself but it s plastic and really didn t do shit so like how tf is it suppose to kill a mouse,0
tw suicide we re driving to the hospital and mum is telling me about how much of a burden i am again maybe i should jsyt fucking kill myself cos you clearly don t want me alive,1
i brung up how my hs teachers would email my mom concerned about me saying it made me mad and she said yeah cause u were fine no mom i rarely ate stayed in my room and even tried to kill myself but they left me to deal w my issues alone that s why it was annoying ,0
lmfao i forgot how bad it actually is prince zuko is making me want to kill myself,0
its funny how i got anon hate clearly and directly related to his for days telling me to kill myself and yall still want to act like it totally wasnt u,0
 i m concerned about how the language of reform legitimizes a system that will adapt in the tools it uses to harm exploit kill poc with progress toward defunding i remind myself that racism has will always adapt swiftly efficiently and to stay vigilant ,0
me sending an email to my group project members in an alternate reality hey guys i want to kill myself right now and am also too stupid to meaningfully contribute to this project how about we just call this one a wash and give me a c ,0
well tonight i ve been fairly snarky while being f o r c e d convinced into watching the high school musicals well it s going how i imagine i always wanted to die between your thighs now i wanna okoowakatiki kill myself ,0
how to forget when i kill myself in a gg arena game my id is god bossmx the clip is from the ggeez perspective if you want me to upload more clips of this style leave your ,0
from ages 9 13 i would literally think about killing myself everyday to make my mom feel bad but then i d stop and tell myself that if i kill myself she won t be able to see how successful i am,0
how do i stop wanting to kill myself,1
i was dating an abusive piece of shit but it was my fault i didn t know he was awful so my leaked to a secret gc about how much people hated me and i got texts telling me to kill myself lol,0
i want to kill myself every waking moment but look how cute my cat is,1
i agree the looting is not good being a business owner myself i would def not want my business looted how about let s not continue to kill and oppress people for the color of their skin and there won t be reason for these people to be so angry and riot ,0
i suffered severe depression that skewed my thoughts horribly i was planning how to kill myself but was able to seek help in a saner moment suicide seemed like the only way to escape the horrible emotional pain that i was feeling i believe that god would have forgiven me ,1
i dont want to die,0
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i just don t know what to do anymore ,1
dm me please,0
i feel so emotionally drained it s just to much ,1
talk to me my dm s are open ,0
i feel so useless ,1
sometimes the worst place you can be is your own head ,1
my only reason to get out of bed is now gone ,0
i m still not enough and i don t think i will ever be and i m so sorry for that ,1
i felt so much that i started feeling nothing ,1
i m trying my best to be okay but everyday it is so hard ,1
i hope the new year goes better for you ,1
it hurts knowing you tried doing your best and it still wasn t good enough ,1
i wanna feel again ,1
sometimes happy memories hurt the most ,1
my thoughts are destroying me i tried not to think but the silence was a killer too ,1
sometimes something hurts so much it stops hurting at all ,1
i care i always care that is my problem ,0
i wil never let someone so close again never ,0
i am so so sorry ,0
i feel so empty inside ,1
i don t want to lose you ,0
here i am again feeling like i m not wanted feeling like i m worthless and even though i m alive feeling dead ,1
cry away the pain at night so i can fake a smile all day ,1
i feel like i m losing myself over and over again ,1
i said it was fine but i never said it didn t hurt ,0
i m sorry that i let you down ,0
the voices screaming loud as hell ,0
check your dm s,0
do you want to talk about it ,0
no one knows how much i cry everyday ,0
i want to see you smile i know that means i ll have to leave ,1
i never thought i would lose you ,0
i m a mess ,1
i love you ,0
nothing lasts forever ,1
waking up is the hardest thing to do ,0
nobody loves me i m broken ,1
the night are the worst ,0
i really do love you,0
remember that i love you ,0
and that was the moment the moment i recognised we aren t friends anymore we are just two people who talk sometimes nothing more nothing less ,0
people go but how they left is what stays with you forever ,0
i am done i don t know if life is worth this much trouble ,1
i m struggling to hide how damaged i ve become ,1
i m in love with this song if you want to listen to it the song is called jack and jill and is sang by ,0
why do you love me i m such a fuckin mess why do you need me my live is such a wreck and lovin me ain t easy i m broken in the head it s like nobody sees me i m better off just dead ,1
a lot but don t want to bother you ,1
i fuck everything up ,0
sorry ,0
i m more broken than you think ,1
happy new year my love ,0
i just feel so empty sometimes and it s so exhausting to feel nothing and everything at the same time ,1
okay dm me,0
i m here i ve you want to talk,0
i really am here for you,0
i let you in i let you fucking in and you completely destroyed me ,1
i swear i m trying my best but i just can t breathe anymore and every second i m alive i feel like i m drowning ,1
remember that i love you,0
how are you feeling now,1
are you okay ,0
who am i fighting for ,0
i don t know why i am even trying everybody hates me ,1
i feel so lonely why am i even here ,1
maybe he left because he saw me the way i see myself,1
does anyone else find it crazy that you can be so depressed and no one around you notices not your parents your siblings your friends your teachers your classmates no one like you can literally be on the verge of tears drowning and everyone is oblivious ,1
i have more scars than friends ,1
confession i m suicidal as hell i m a monster i hurt everyone i love my anxiety is through the roof i don t deserve to be here i m sorry ,1
i still hate myself i still think about dying and some nights i still am hurting myself but i swear i m trying my hardest to be ok,1
watch this video from it is really nice,0
 ,0
 ,0
she s always ok but when she s alone the demons come out to play thrashing and screaming internally outwardly she was even smiling face a smile on her lips scars on her hips but she is always ok ,1
i really am there for you my dm s are open ,0
i m not worth anyone s time,1
i just want the pain to end,1
love you,0
faking a smile is so much easier than explaining why are you sad ,0
your eyes they used to shine so bright ,0
the struggle,1
i m always here for you,0
 don t worry about me i ll be fine just don t look into my eyes ,0
i m here for you,0
i m always here for you babe,0
i care about you and i ve there is something wrong you can always dm me you are beautiful and you deserve to live ,0
i tell everybody to be strong when i am the weakest person on this world,1
i wonder how many people have seen my cuts and just never said anything,1
please don t say that i don t hate you ,0
they keep saying it gets better but when it s not changing anything for me i m worthless ,1
you shouldn t,0
the scariest part is the realisation that you have lost yourself completely sinking in as you lay awake at 2 a m because you lost the ability to sleep and you can t even cry because you don t even care a d h ,1
i don t hate you,0
please don t i really care about you,0
i wanted to talk about it damn it i wanted to scream i wanted to yell i wanted to shout about it but all i could do was whisper i m fine ,1
i m sorry but i don t really know but i think talking about it will help so if you want talk you can always dm me ,0
you are worth it and please don t hurt yourself,0
i m falling apart i m barely breathing with a broken heart that s still beating ,1
i don t know what i am alive or just breathing ,1
i am here for you,0
what a shame that the girl who once believed in fairytales and magic had to be struck by reality with demons in her mind and the fear of never being loved k f ,1
i am here for you,0
some days i feel everything at once other days i feel nothing at all i don t know what s worse drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst o m ,1
you are worth people s time,0
nobody wants me not even myself ,1
please dm me,0
are you being bullied,0
you do belong here,1
i am here for you,0
i am here for you babe,0
hey if you ever want to talk i am here for you ,0
i feel like everyone hates me and that s okay because i hate me too a l ,1
a little but it is okay,0
thanks,0
oh okay i am sorry i bothered you i am not so smart,0
what do you mean can you please dm me ,0
hello love i know times are hard right now but just remember that i love you and that i am always here for you ,0
 warning for your own good walk away i fuck everything up i ll probably push you away that s my thing i just don t want to hurt you so please i m begging you don t enter my life ,1
i hurt myself because i deserve it ,1
i ve been secretly falling apart ,1
i m losing myself more and more every fucking day ,1
fuck feelings all they do is make me feel worthless and numb a l,1
it hurts but it s ok i m used to it,1
sure dm me,0
pretend during the day break inside at night ,1
no it doesn t work that way i can t just wake up one day say oh i wanna be happy and be happy believe me i ve tried ,1
you don t know what i ve been through the childhood i ve had how much i hate myself what i do to myself when i am alone how much i just want to give up how much my heart hurts how much i cry,1
i am a disappointment to everyone,1
we cut and kill flowers because we think they re beautiful we cut and kill ourselves because we think we are not m o b ,1
happy valentinesday,0
i am a horrible person i can t do anything i am probably hated ,1
just become someone looks happy doesn t mean that they are because even a white rose has a black shadow c m h,1
i am the problem,1
i m not as strong as everyone thinks i am ,1
stupid me thinking i was good enough ,1
i can feel myself breaking piece by piece ,1
 ,0
 you can t see i am hurting you don t notice the pain it feels like everyone else is sitting in the sunshine while i drown in the rain ,1
 i feel myself changing i don t even laugh the same anymore i don t smile the same or talk the same i m just so tired of everything ,1
here i am again feeling like i m not wanted feeling like i m worthless and even though i m alive feeling dead ,1
than that person isn t a good friend,0
you can talk to me if you want to,0
please don t ask if i m okay i might do something stupid like open up to you and i m really tired of getting close to people and watching them leave me like i m nothing ,1
i want to be happy but something inside me screams that i do not deserve it ,1
hey do you want to talk to me in dm,0
to anyone with suicidal thoughts this year thank you for sticking around i m so glad you are here and i love you,0
you can dm me whenever you want to,0
i think i hit the point in life where i m just done i cried i fought i tried but everything is crashing down my demons are screaming louder trying to eat away the rest of me and this time i m not going to fight back d j k ,1
it sucks because i try so fucking hard and nothing i do ever seems to be enough for anyone not even my damn self k l 2 04 a m ,1
yeah sure i dm you sorry i responded so late i hope i still can help you,1
 i want to talk about it damn it i want to scream i want to yell i want to shout about it but all i could do was whisper i m fine ,1
i care about all of you if you need someone to talk to my dm s are open and if you just want to rant to someone i am here lots of love,0
i am here for you babe if you need someone to talk to,0
i am a paradox i am neither happy nor i am sad i smile at pretty things and laugh at funny things but late at night i become a mess of emotions and thoughts and i wish i could just disappear ,1
what doesn t kill you leaves scars ruins your lungs dries out all you tears leaven you lying awake at 4 in the morning wishing you weren t alive,1
 the saddest kind of sad is when your tears can t even drop and you feel nothing it s like the world has just ended you don t cry you don t hear you don t see you just stay there for a second the heart dies anonymous,1
i m the type of girl who could have tears streaming down my face still insist that everything is fine ,1
its getting bad again and i don t know what to do or where to go or who to tell because nobody really cares right p b a ,1
empty lonley sad depressed forgotten useless worthless unimportant and unloved the worst feelings in the world but they re the way i feel everyday ,1
suicide is stupid you wanna know what is stupid hurting someone so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only anwer ,1
 you broke me like i was one of your fucking promises ,1
i hope you also feel better soon,0
thank you be very much babe,0
i am not a stranger to the dark hide away they say cause we don t want your broken parts i ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars run away they say no one ll love you as you are this is me keala settle,1
you know those nights where you lay in your bed and have your hand on your mouth so you don t make a sound as tears stream down your face and you can feel your heart just breaking ,1
 just scars they aren t just scars they are the demons i fought at 3 am they are my insecurities my deepest fears and my lonely nights they are the insults i have received and the emotions i can t contain they are part of me and are what i have become ,1
 i know what it s like to want to die how it hurts to smile how you try to fit in but you can t how you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside ,1
roses are red violets are blue sugar is sweet and so are you but the roses have witted and the violets are dead the sugarbowl s empty and my wrists are stained red ,0
our brains are sick but that s okay because our grades matter more than our health anyway ,0
no matter how much i try to make myself looks don t matter i know they do and that s why i don t amount to anything because i m ugly ,0
happy new year babes you all survived 2017 and i am very proud of you guys,0
i draw with silver and it turns red magic,0
that s a beautiful quote,0
monsters don t sleep under your bed they sleep inside of your head ,0
dear me i hate you you re weak you deserve the pain you re imperfect you ll never be good enough i hope you die,1
depression isn t always at 3 am sometimes it hits you at 3pm when you re whit your friends and half way through a laugh and just stop ,0
sorry mom and dad you have a suicidal kid but i promise i m gonna put my best fake smile in front of you all ,1
i only lied so i didn t have to see tears of disappointment in you eyes ,1
 the human skin can be hard to live in that is why most of us tear it open a r g,0
behind my smile is a hurting heart behind my laugh i m falling apart look closely at me and you will see the girl i am isn t me ,0
have you ever wanted to cry but no tears came out so you just stare blankly into space while feeling your heart breake into pieces ,1
if you guys really need someone to talk to i am here and i care about all of you,0
fake smile dried eyes scratched wrists bruised thighs white pills rope tide gun loaded suicide ,1
you were right to call me unstable i m a walking fucking disaster ,1
dear mom i m sorry i couldn t make you any prouder of me i m sorry i didn t turn out the way you wanted me to be i m sorry i m a disappointment to you ,1
4 am is when i loose all control when i beg for my razor when i clench my hands in to fists to try to stop them from shaking when i curl up in a ball to muffle my sobs and my shaking body still as i can 4 am is when i silently shatter behind closed doors and try to stay alive,1
where all in the same game just different levels dealing whit the same hell just different devils ,0
no one really cares until something dramatic happens ,1
everyone has scars that they don t want to talk about mine are just on my body as well as in my head ,1
thank you,0
i am getting really bad again i actually don t know why people like me my parents fight al the time and my dad was hitting my mom and i really don t know what to do i am just a big mess and i am in the way of everyone ,1
you don t have to tell me i am worthless trust me i already know ,1
i stopped talking about how i felt because i knew no one cared anyway ,1
sorry for being so fucked up sorry for being such a failure sorry for being a disgrace sorry for being me ,1
amazing how much long sleeves and a fake smile can hide,1
maybe that s it we eventually go numb because you can t break a hearts that already broken,0
you just keep going and going until you crash and cry about everything and anything at all ,1
i killed someone you see i killed the girl who used to be me ,1
she says she s fine but she s going insane she says she feels good but she s in a lot of pain she says it s nothing but it s really a lot she says she s okay but really she is not ,1
you smile but you wanna cry you talk but you wanna be quiet you pretend that you are happy but you aren t ,1
i am always here if you want to talk,0
if you want you can always talk to me,0
people don t die from suicide they die from sadness anonymous,0
the worst feeling is wanting to cry but having to hold it because your in public,1
she finally let go of her fake smile and tears slowly rolled down her face as she whispered to herself i don t want to be me,0
my biggest fear is that eventually you will see me the way i see myself ,1
wil could ever love the girl with scars ,0
the loneliest moment in someone s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart and all they can do is stare blankly ,1
you re afraid to tell people how you feel because it will destroy them so you bury it deep inside yourself where it destroys you ,1
i hate it when people tell me to just be happy so you think i chose to just be depressed ,1
fake friends are like shadows they follow you in the sun but leave you in the dark,0
most girls my age have a pretty face i just have scars ,1
have you ever laid on your bed at night and cried because you re not good enough counted all your flaws and felt worse about yourself and just felt to ugly and alone,1
the fault the blame the pain s still there i m here alone inside of this broken home broken home ,1
stop asking me to trust you when i m still coughing up the water from the last time you let me drown ,1
i never know how to handle sadness crying makes me feel stupid ,1
when cancer takes a life we blame cancer depression is a disease don t blame the victim for losing the fight,1