SCENE.—A Handsomely Furnished Boudoir in the house of Lady Amaranthe
Allwill—Old-fashioned furniture, doors, C F. R. and L.—a toilet table, R.—on
another table, L. a box of crayons and a portfolio.
Perkup.
(occupied arranging the toilet table)What a temper my lady is
in to-day! No possibility of cheering her! To be sure, what is a poor widow
to do? Without her opportunities for coquetry, she is no better than a judge
without a wig—a soldier without his red coat—or a fool without his cap and
bauble—a senseless and insipid thing! Ah, here she is!Enter Lady
Amaranthe Allwill, R.
Lady A.
(going to sit at the toilet table)Ah! there you are,
Perkup!
Perkup.
Yes, your la'ship!
Lady A.
Have any of my despairing lovers called to-day?
Perkup.
Let me see. Inprims, Lord Arthur Bramble.
Lady A.
To see whether I was not engaged in a flirtation before cock crow, I suppose.
There's nothing so insupportable as a jealous lover. He gives himself all
the tyrannical airs of a husband, and deserves to be treated
accordingly.
Perkup.
In seconds, Sir Basil Bodkin.
Lady A.
As a disappointed courtier he can afford to wait. No other?
Perkup.
Is your la'ship expecting any one?
Lady A.
No one. I don't mean to be visible to-day; my vapours are getting as thick as
a November fog—to not a soul. (with hesitation) Only, if
that, that—what's his name?—that Mr. Frankland should call—the young
painter—you know— about my portrait, let him come in. I might give him a
sitting. Heigho!
Perkup.
Yes, your la'ship! (aside) Hum! has the young painter touched
up my lady's fickle heart? (aloud) I think I hear voices in
the ante-room—shall I see, your la'ship? (going to C. D., and looking
out) Lawks! if it isn't Mr. Frankland himself!
Lady A.
(with suppressed satisfaction)Ah!
Perkup.
Shall I tell Taggs to let him in?
Lady A.
That head of yours has about the value of one of your toilet pins, Perkup!
Didn't I say so, already? Admit him! Stay! I'll give an eye to my attire in
my room—I don't want to look quite a fright—on account of this tiresome
sitting! (aside, going R.) Ah! he has come,
then! Exit R.
Perkup.
(going, C. D.)Walk in, sir! Enter Sir Aubrey
Glenmorris, simply dressed. Her la'ship will attend on you
immediately! (aside, after examining him—pertly, going) Well!
I must say for her la'ship's taste, he does look more like a pictur' than a
pictur'-dauber! Exit
R.
Glen.
(suddenly changing his simple manner to that of a man of fashion, and
flinging himself into a chair)'Fore gad! I hope she won't leave
me long alone, or I shall be forced to a tête-à-tête with my own
conscience. And that same vixen conscience might be after telling me a host
of wicked truths, such as “Sir Aubrey Glenmorris, you are a confounded rake,
for you are blessed with a wife of your own—or cursed!”—conscience is not
quite clear on that point, “and you leave her to vegetate amidst turnip tops
and cabbages, while you—the fine gentleman in town—make love to a
provoking. piquante, seductive widow! Sir Aubrey, you are a cheat
and a swindler! for, lest your beauty should discover that you are a married
man, and your court but little honorable, you sneak into her house under a
false name and disguised mien! Sir Aubrey, you are a scoundrel, for—”
Prithee, Madam Conscience, hold your peace! You are as cantankerous a
tattler as a disappointed old maid! and I will have none of your company!
Ah! I think I hear the widow coming!
Enter Lady Amaranthe, R., with
Perkup—Lady Amaranthe and Sir Aubrey curtsey and bow, with
formality.
Lady A.
I must not be disturbed in my sitting, Perkup! This picture must be a
secret—a secret! D'ye hear?
Perkup.
La! your la'ship need not say it twice. We poor girls are bred to our trade
of secrecy, though it is harder work than you may think; for there's mighty
little distance from the ear to the
mouth! Exit C.
Glen.
At last, my dear Lady Amaranthe, I see you again. Had you known my
impatience—
Lady A.
I should have valued it at a low brokerage, probably!
Glen.
You're vexed—you expected me, then?
Lady A.
Vexed! Expected you, indeed! Your vanity, at least, I see I must put at a
high figure!
Glen.
I was prevented leaving home by a tiresome intruder, whom I longed to fling
out of my window! (aside) Only as it was my wife's uncle, I
couldn't in decency.
Lady A.
Fie, Mr. Frankland! I thought you a man of spirit; but if you have no
better entertainment than your domestic affairs, I might as well submit to a
tête-à-tête with old Mrs. Fondlechit!
Glen.
Nay, then, if I am pressing, 'tis you provoke me to it!
Lady A.
I provoke you to be pressing? Oh, the impertinent—
Glen.
Yes! you give me my diploma to profess what conversation I please! Mine shall
be of my ardour—my adoration —my burning heart—
Lady A.
Stop, stop! or I shall call “fire!” Your heart. indeed! I'll wager now, 'tis
like some of your Spanish wines with never a flavour at all, till it gets a
fine fiery taste by its transport over the tongue!
Glen.
Cruel woman! You know my heart is weak! 'Tis in your hands, and 'twere a want
of generosity to crush it!
Lady A.
Out on you! Why, your male hearts always get stronger and sounder by plenty
of hard work, than they would by gentle nourishment! Well! you may talk of
your heart, if you promise not to talk nonsense—but that's impossible! And
so, on second thoughts, I forbid the conversation. Well, don't pout! and you
shall talk of it—but not until you have finished my portrait! Now, this is
at least the tenth sitting I have given you, or verily, I believe the
baker's dozen—and not a stroke have you made, idler!
Glen.
(aside)And for very good reasons, I don't know how to hold
a pencil!
Lady A.
Take your portfolio, and make something passably handsome of me.
Glen.
Make! What have I to make, when your own charms—
Lady A.
Hush, hush! Not a word until my portrait is completed —I'm called a horrid
tyrant! Well then, there's my ultimatum!
Glen.
Tyranny indeed! 'Tis monstrous—barbarous!
Lady A.
I hate pouting, it spoils the face! Come, I'm waiting!
Glen.
Your pardon, madam! I decline painting your portrait!
Lady A.
Is the man mad? Why does he refuse?
Glen.
(sulkily)Why, because—because I don't choose—not but that I
am as capable as another of—certainly I am—but—
but—(tenderly)—where is the painter who could flatter
himself ever to reproduce that beauty? Those eyes at once so full of
softness and provoking malice—that intoxicating smile—that lovely mouth,
every pearl of wit falling from which must be seized to give its true
expression—those hands—that form—
Lady A.
Stop, for mercy's sake! I am out of blushes, if you are not out of
breath!
Glen.
'Tis a task beyond human power, and the first moment I saw you my poor talent
was gone for ever—my art forgotten —my sole thought the desire to be
admitted into your house— my whole life devoted to dying at your feet!
Lady A.
Ha, ha, ha! A pretty life's occupation! But you are not dead yet.
Glen.
But I shall be soon, to see you bestow your smiles on the hundred male flirts
who flutter around you.
Lady A.
A hundred! Flatterer! But a poor twenty at most! And such as they are too!
Even the half of the wretched score count for nothing! Besides, they tell me
I have not got a heart!
Glen.
A too capacious one, perhaps—but give in it a place for one who—(about
to kneel)
Enter Perkup, C. D.
Lady A.
Hush! (aloud) You must find another attitude for me, Mr.
Frankland—there's something too constrained in that!
Glen.
(aside)The coquette—but she was touched!
Lady A.
Well, Perkup, did I not order you—
Perkup.
Your la'ship certainly did—but your la'ship has given me full powers, if your
la'ship pleases to remember, to transgress orders, according to the
imperiosity of circumstances.
Lady A.
Heaven help us! the girl talks like a Minister of State, called to account by
the Commons! What is it?
Perkup.
It is a lady urgently desires to see your la'ship alone, and will not be
refused. I tried on the vapours, your la'ship; but that's no excuse for one
of our own sex, as your la'ship knows.
Lady A.
Did she give her name?
Perkup.
She said your la'ship was probably ignorant of her present
appellation!
Lady A.
How does she look?
Perkup.
She wears a travelling mask, your la'ship—but her tongue wags more like a
lady's than a—
Lady A.
Than a waiting woman's—good! My curiosity is piqued—Mr. Frankland, you must
excuse me! Where curiosity is in the case, the male sex must give place, you
know. Mr. Frankland, our sitting is dissolved. (curtsies)
Perkup, admit this strange
visitor! Exit Perkup, C.
D.
Glen.
But tell me when I may return?
Lady A.
Well! my afternoon's reception is open to all the world!
Glen.
And I am to be treated like all the world?
Lady A.
Presumption! of course. What would the man have next? A good day, sir!
(Sir Aubrey bows, piqued, and goes C. D.) No, no! by
yonder suite of rooms! (points L.) And the other stair—there,
go! (Sir Aubrey lingers—she holds out her hand—he kisses it)
How you mumble! (pulls away her hand) I vow I am a great deal
too good to you—not a word!
Glen.
(aside, going)Hum! I have made progress—look to yourself,
fair widow! Exit
L.
Lady A.
(looking after him)I must confess that the wretch is
charming—fascinating in manner—in look—in language! Is it possible I can
have any regard for a young man without name or fortune, surrounded by a
certain mystery? And then, poor Lord Arthur—ah! I begin to believe that I
have a heart; for I tremble to ask it a serious question.
Pshaw! away the thought now!
Perkup introduces Lady Glenmorris, C.—she
is masked, and seems nervous and embarrassed.
Perkup.
(aside)So the young painter is dispatched down the back
stair, for all the world like a favoured lover, as I'm a waiting
woman! (Lady Amaranthe
curtsies—Lady Glenmorris looks at Perkup.
Lady A.
Perkup, leave us!
Perkup.
(aside, going)Really, if I am always sent away at the
interesting moments, I must have it considered in my
wages! Exit,
R.
Lady A.
And now, madam, if you will do me the honour to inform me—
Lady G.
(taking off her mask)Amaranthe!
Lady A.
Mabel! Mabel Templeton! the companion of my childhood—my old friend whom, for
many years I have lost sight of! Welcome! welcome!
Lady G.
Yes—I am she—in all but name!
Lady A.
You are married?
Lady G.
To Sir Aubrey Glenmorris!
Lady A.
Sir Aubrey Glenmorris? Stay! surely I know the name—but I certainly have
never seen him—and is he young— handsome?
Lady G.
Yes—young and handsome!
Lady A.
And are you very happy, sweetheart?
Lady G.
(hiding her face in her handkerchief)Oh! Amaranthe!
Lady A.
Ah! I see! another poor connubial victim! Oh, those vile monsters of men!
Come, calm yourself, my dear! Sit down here, and tell me all about it—you
don't know the good it will do you! (leads Lady Glenmorris to a
sofa) I'll wager all my courtly adorers to one bumpkin, now, it
was a love match!
Lady G.
Yes! and at first my husband lived only for me, and I was so, so happy, alone
with him in the country—always alone! I devoted myself to him—refused to see
a single importunate visitor!
Lady A.
Oh, I see! Dear, dear, dear! This is to be a confession of mistakes!
Lady G.
How a mistake, when I did all to please him? But, in a little time—I don't
know how—he grew weary— sulky—pouted—and when I asked him why, actually
quarrelled with me! I cried—he scolded—at last I lost patience—overwhelmed
him with reproaches—and what do you think he did?
Lady A.
Left you, and came off to town!
Lady G.
Yes! where, for three long months he has only written to me once, and then to
propose an eternal separation. But I answered that I loved him still—should
always, always, always love him, and never would consent—
Lady A.
I thought so—another awful error!
Lady G.
Do you think so? But how did you know this?
Lady A.
I guessed it only! My dear, they are all alike! On the matrimonial field as
soon as the woman shows fight, the man deserts his colours! And so you've
followed him to town?
Lady G.
Oh, but in secret! I would not have him know the step I have taken for the
world!
Lady A.
That's right, my love, try a little deceit with him —you have been too open
hearted.
Lady G.
That's what uncle Templeton said. He wrote to tell me that my wicked husband
was making love to some horrid vile coquette, whose name he had not learned.
“Had you been a coquette yourself,” he added, “you might have entered the
field against this woman; but you know nothing of the art—the more's the
pity—for it ought to form a notable part of a girl's education.”
Lady A.
As I live, your uncle Templeton is a man of uncommon good sense.
Lady G.
His words gave me a new idea, a very extravagant one, I fear. I thought if
any one could but teach me the art of coquetry—show me how to lure him back
from my terrible rival—regain his tenderness! A woman is never too old to
learn.
Lady A.
Not that art, my love!
Lady G.
I have heard that my former friend, Lady Amaranthe, was a widow, and that she
was cited in the world as— as—oh, pardon me—
Lady A.
(laughing)As a professed coquette! And you journed to town to
take lessons of me? Ha, ha, ha!
Lady G.
I feared to anger you!
Lady A.
Anger me, sweetheart? I never was more flattered! So, so the world grants me
a diploma; and my reputation brings me pupils! Ha, ha, ha! Charming!
delightful! I feel already as if I had a doctor's cap upon my brow!
Lady G.
Then you will not refuse?
Lady A.
(with mock airs of gravity)Refuse you! I am proud that the
first postulate in my School for Coquettes should be the noble Lady
Glenmorris! (changing tone, and kissing her) My own dear
charming Mabel Templeton!
Lady G.
Ah! you are kind as ever! You are happy, I see!
Lady A.
Happy! Do I know what is happiness?
Lady G.
To be loved!
Lady A.
Indeed, my sweet simplicity! Then I ought to be supremely happy—at least if I
were to believe all those odious men swear to me, which, thank my stars, I
don't!
Lady G.
You have so many adorers! Ah! I don't wonder at it!
Lady A.
Flatterer! But be easy, sweetheart—Sir Aubrey Glenmorris is not upon my
list.
Lady G.
And is there none you love?
Lady A.
Love! They will tell you a coquette is incapable of love! But the heart is
a problem—that's an old story ever new—and who knows? there may be a
preferred one!
Lady G.
Ah! I see there is!
Lady A.
(smiling)Perhaps! but more of this hereafter. You are my
guest, love—you remain with me.
Lady G.
I presumed upon your goodness. The coach still waits below.
Lady A.
I will give orders that your trunks be removed.
(rings)
Enter Perkup, R. Perkup, see that
yonder rooms, (points, L.) be prepared for my friend—
Lady G.
(low to her, interrupting)Forbear to mention my name—should
it get abroad—reach my husbands ears—
Lady A.
Good! (to Perkup) For my friend Mrs. Templemore. (low
to Lady Glenmorris) That name will do?
Lady G.
(low to her)Excellently well.
Lady A.
Let her trunks be carried thither and unpacked. (to Lady G.)
Then, sweetheart, the attack shall commence in full uniform of flounces and
furbelows.
Perkup.
(going)A mighty deal of whispering. If her la'ship goes on in
this way with me, I shall have to give her
warning. Exit, C.
D.
Lady A.
(going to Lady G., who has reseated herself)And while my
fellows and Perkup see to these affairs of state, why should not we have our
first lesson? (sits by her, with comic airs of importance) I
have seen at a glance, young woman, the cause of all your sorrows. You
loved your husband too well.
Lady G.
Ah! but how to lure him back?
Lady A.
Love him less.
Lady G.
You must find some other way. That's too difficult.
Lady A.
(changing her manner)Why, make believe, then, sweetheart. Are
you a woman and cannot dissemble? Look ye, my love, men only value what they
have not, or what they are like to lose—let them doubt of their possession,
and they will first try to hold it. The fish will swim round and round the
still bait, look at it, and turn tail with contempt; but withdraw it gently,
and he'll snap at it, and swallow it, hook and all.
Lady G.
(puzzled)Oh! ah!
Lady A.
You did wrong to shut yourself up alone. You should have seen
company—attracted gallants around you. There's no lack of game, love. Never
mind on whose coveys you poach. 'Tis a first general rule; you embrace your
dearest friend, and you carry off her lover—every day practice dear.
Lady G.
But if your admirers should become too ardent?
Lady A.
Oh! there are a thousand means to keep them in their place—a disdainful
silence, or a burst of laughter, a sudden attack of the vapours, or the
spasms—tears or swoonings, as a last resort.
Lady G.
Oh, dear! oh, dear! But that's shockingly complicated. How ever can I get
all this into my poor head?
Lady A.
You are right, love. Theory is a sorry school without practice. Stay, you
shall see me at work—I will give my orders. (rings) Example
is better than precept. Ha, ha, ha! I verily grow an old professor in
sententiousness. Enter Perkup, C. D. The vapours are gone,
child. Tell my fellows that I'll see the world to-day.
Perkup.
Your la'ship is most appoppos in all your la'ship does. For there's
Lord Arthur Bramble without, a tearing and a swearing—saving your la'ships
presence—and a threatening to rounce all your lacqueys. I verily thought,
your la'ship, he'd have spitted 'em all on his sword, like a row of larks
for roasting. Poor Taggs was nigh swooning outright—I'll give you my life he
was, your la'ship.
Lady A.
Well! we'll save poor Taggs's life by seeing Lord Arthur.
Exit Perkup, C.
D. You are in luck, sweetheart; with a jealous, fiery, earnest
lover, there's the best opportunity for a lesson in coquetry.
Perkup
shows in Lord Arthur Bramble, C. D.—he looks ferociously at her—she
utters an exclamation of affected terror, and runs out, C.
D.
Bramble.
(angrily)Your ladyship's most devoted slave! Oh! slave is the
word—negro-slave! (down, R.)
Lady A.
(laughing)Gracious, my lord Arthur! Are you rehearsing for
the jealous man in the play, and seeing how a ferocious frown becomes you?
Oh, lud what's the matter with the man? He does it as natural as life.
Bramble.
What's the matter with me! lost patience is the matter. Twice I have
presented myself, a humble suppliant, at the door of lady Aramanthe Allwill,
and twice—
Lady A.
I beg you, greet my friend, Mrs. Templemore.
Bramble.
(bowing)I have the honour. And twice I have been—
Lady A.
She is charming, is she not?
Bramble.
(without looking at her)I'm enchanted! Outraged —driven from
your door like a—
Lady A.
With that sweet air of timidity she looks like an angel.
Bramble.
Yes, like an angel—like the vilest beggar!
Lady A.
Lud! what does the man mean? My friend looks like a beggar?
Bramble.
Yes, like a—no, no, no! I was speaking of myself?
Lady A.
Is it possible? I protest I did not hear.
Bramble.
Since the expostulation of my calm and respectful passion, madam—
Lady A.
Calm! ha, ha, ha!
Bramble.
(continuing)Cannot touch your marble heart, I retire from my
suit—I tear the ungrateful woman from my heart—I leave you, madam—I leave
London—I leave the world, for ever, madam—do you understand? for ever!
Lady A.
Not at all. I never could comprehend the words “for ever.”
Bramble.
I shall have the honour of teaching your ladyship what they mean.
(goes up, but stops at the door)
Lady G.
(low to Lady A.)Poor man! I feel for him.
Lady A.
(low to her)Oh, sweetheart, if you come to pity these
creatures, you are a lost woman.
Lady G.
I must never pity?
Lady A.
Never! Do you think the man is going? Pshaw! As a general rule, you must
always believe the contrary of what you hear. (aloud) What
not gone yet, Lord Arthur?
Bramble.
No, madam—but I am going—I am going—
Lady A.
(curtseying)At your will. I don't detain your lordship.
Bramble.
(comes down a little)You drive me from your presence,
then?
Lady A.
Yes, better so, for my own peace of mind. (sighs
coquettishly)
Bramble.
(coming down fully)For your own peace?
Lady A.
Yes, yes, enough! I thought I had a friend—go! you had better go. I will
command my feelings, strive to forget the past, wrench from my heart an
affection that might have taken root—
Bramble.
Well, well! I will admit I was too rash—but when I feel—
Lady A.
So, you confess! shall I overlook your folly then?
Bramble.
Yes—but promise me in turn, that you—
Lady A.
That I will forgive you—shall I? Well! this time I think I may.
(gives her hand)
Bramble.
(kissing her hand)Did you but know—
Lady A.
(pulling her hand away)I know—that's quite enough.
Bramble.
(aside)I am a fool to be thus wheedled. But faith, she
exercises a witch's spell upon me.
Lady A.
(C., turning to Lady G.)Well! what do you say?
Lady G.
(low to Lady A.)It's astonishing—how easy it seems to be!
Lady A.
Practice, my love! with practice I doubt not to find you as ready a
proficient.
Enter Perkup, C. D.
Perkup.
Sir Basil Bodkin to kiss your la'ship's hands.
Lady A.
Admit him. Exit Perkup, C.
D.
Bramble.
(aside, vexed)One fool will follow another now, like sheep at
a hedge gap. (goes up, R.)
Lady A.
(apart to Lady G.)'Tis my lay-figure, sweetheart.
Lady G.
Your lay-figure?
Lady A.
Yes, the figure I dress up with my seeming attention, when jealousies are to
be excited—deserters recalled. The creature, in his solid conceit is so
confidant of ultimate success, that he always thinks he advances, even when
he is thrown back, like lumber in a corner. It's the most useful piece of
furniture in a coquette's boudoir. I'll lend it to you to begin with, till
you select one of your own.
Enter Sir Basil Bodkin, C. D.
Bodkin.
Loveliest of your sex—(seeing Bramble) So, he's before
me—but I don't fear him, egad! (to Lady A.) Loveliest of your
sex!
Lady A.
Oh! if you repeat yourself, Sir Basil, I cannot listen to you.
Bodkin.
Can I reiterate too often the profession of my opinions?
Lady A.
Certainly not. They have wavered so frequently as courtier, that the
assurance ought to be repeated for belief.
Bodkin.
I cry you mercy! As a diplomatist, I have never erred.
Lady A.
Indeed! Have you seen my jeweller as I desired?
Bodkin.
I admit I was oblivious.
Lady A.
And you dare appear before me as unerring?
Bodkin.
My mind was too full of the thought of you, fair lady, to think—
Lady A.
(affecting anger)To think of me at all, I suppose. You had
better retire, and refresh your thoughts.
Bodkin.
I will refresh them at the fountain head.
Lady A.
Nay, I don't mean to bestow on you a single sup of my regard for the whole
day, as a punishment.
Bodkin.
(aside)That woman adores me—I'm sure of success.
Lady A.
(low to Lady Glenmorris, L.)How he takes my buffets, eh? See
how I shall now play them off. (aloud) Since Sir Basil has
proved so false, I suppose I must choose you, Lord Arthur, as I have no
choice left, to be my cavalier to-day.
Bramble.
(approaching, R.)Ah, Lady Amaranthe—at last, then—
Lady A.
Unless, indeed, Sir Basil is very
penitent. (Bramble turns
away)
Bodkin.
As a monk after a full meal on a Friday.
Lady A.
That's not very reassuring. So I think it must be Lord Arthur.
(Bramble approaches again) He would not have treated me
thus I am convinced, and the poor man merits—
Bramble.
Yes, my devotion merits a recompense!
Lady A.
Oh, if the creature is so confident, I must not encourage him. Sir Basil, I
think it must be you, after all—for want of a better—or shall I take Lord
Arthur? (they Both approach eagerly) Ha, ha, ha! you'll
fight, I fear, if I take one or the other. So on second thoughts I will take
neither.
Bramble.
(turning away)Heartless coquette!
Bodkin.
(turning up)'Tis only to teaze that poor devil!
Lady A.
(to Lady G.)Well, sweetheart, are you satisfied with your
lesson?
Lady G.
I should be an ungrateful scholar were I not?
Enter Perkup, C.
D.
Perkup.
Mr. Leonard Frankland, to wait on your la'ship again.
Lady A.
Again! Nonsense, child—admit him—go.
Perkup.
(going)I have made a slip, it seems. I see I've got something
still to learn in her la'ship's
school. Exit, C.
D.
Bramble.
(aside)That's the painter. There's nothing to fear there.
(goes up)
Bodkin.
(aside)The canvass-dauber! He's in nobody's way. (goes
up)
Lady G.
(low to Lady A.)You colour, surely.
Lady A.
I! you mistake! Well, to you I will admit—the preferred one, perhaps—I scarce
know myself—is he.
Enter Sir Aubrey Glenmorris, C. D.
Lady G.
(aside)I am curious. Ah, my husband!
Lady A.
My friend, Mrs. Templemore. (goes up with a glance at him)
Glen.
(aside)My wife here! under another name!
Lady G.
(aside)He her lover—the preferred one! oh!
Glen.
(aside)What can this mean?
Lady G.
(aside)What have I done? Ah! (grows faint)
Glen.
(aside)Has she discovered?—come to upbraid—shame me? She does
not speak! Then curse me if I do!
Lady A.
(coming down to Lady G.)What do you think of him,
sweetheart—is he not—But what's the matter? you look ill—faint!
Lady G.
It is nothing—my journey—the fatigue.
Lady A.
Will you retire to your own apartment?
Lady G.
Yes, yes. (aside) Confusion ties my tongue! But leave him to
her! Oh, no! (gets to door, L., and stops)Enter
Perkup, C. D.
Perkup.
There's Mr. Fripperycourt, your la'ship, and Captain Simper, and Lord Faddle,
and Counsellor Braybabble, and a host of other gentlemen, that I vow and
pertest I can't find breath to expound to your la'ship.
Lady A.
Good lord! my boudoir will be taken by storm! I must march myself and meet
the invasion. Exit Perkup, C. D. Sir Basil, my essence-box.
Lord Arthur, my fan. (they give the articles) Mr.
Frankland—(aside) No, it won't do to encourage the man
too much at once. (aloud) Lord Arthur—no! I won't have
you—you are always so spasmodic—Sir Basil, your hand. (aside)
He's the least compromising.
Bodkin.
(giving his hand with an air of conceited triumph— aside)I
knew she must come to me.
Lady A.
Mr. Frankland will swell my train?
Bramble.
(aside)'Sblood! I shall have to cut off somebody's
ears—that's very clear! (Lady
Amaranthe goes out with Bodkin, C. D.—looking back at Glenmorris—Bramble
follows in a rage—then Glenmorris looking back at Lady Glenmorris—the
doors are closed)
Lady G.
Oh, I cannot bear this! I must follow, and— (seeing
Glenmorris) Ah!
Glen.
(opening the door, C. violently, and then closing it behind
him)What does this mean, madam? How comes it you have left the
country without my will?
Lady G.
It seems you left it without mine.
Glen.
As if that were a reason! What means this false name?
Lady G.
I have only followed your example.
Glen.
As if that were to the point! I am here for certain reasons—political
reasons—matters that women cannot understand. But you come as a spy upon my
acts—to ruin me.
Lady G.
Oh, no, no.
Glen.
Why, then, are you here?
Lady G.
Aubrey, you frighten me. Listen with a little patience—I don't reproach
you—the love I bear you is strong enough to pardon all, for I love you—I
have never loved but you—while you—
Glen.
What are reproaches, if not such words as these?
Lady G.
(aside)There, he turns away again! Ah, if I could but
practise my lesson. (aloud) Well, I am not devoid of power to
please—I will prove it to you, Aubrey. I'll receive company—the men shall
pay me court. That will flatter you.
Glen.
A notable project, truly!
Lady G.
But in reality I shall love only you.
Glen.
Ah, the old story again!
Lady G.
(vexed)Well, no—I shan't love you—I won't love you—I don't
love you—there!
Glen.
(piqued)Oh, indeed! How's this?
Lady G.
(as before)Do you think it will be so difficult a task to
cease to love you?
Glen.
(as before)Perhaps not. You have done all in your power to
prove your good will to that intent.
Lady G.
How?
Glen.
By thwarting me in all my wishes—driving me from my quiet house, when all I
desired was a peaceful retreat.
Lady G.
As a proof of which you never were at home.
Glen.
Because you made that home insupportable.
Lady G.
Because you had the vilest of tempers, and rendered me wretched with your
tyranny.
Glen.
There was an excellent means of escaping it, madam.
Lady G.
How?
Glen.
By the separation I demanded.
Lady G.
(aside)Good heavens!
Glen.
And now, since we are so wonderfully of one mind, I renew my offer.
Lady G.
(aside)What have I done? And no friend to aid me. Ah, men
only value what they have not, she said—or what they are like to lose. Let
them doubt of their possession, and they will first try to hold it. 'Tis a
dangerous game—but perhaps the only one.
Glen.
Well, madam, have you considered?
Lady G.
I have, sir. Let the deed of separation be drawn. I will sign it with
pleasure—with delight. It will be the happiest day of my life.
Glen.
Indeed!
Lady G.
All I have to request is, that you will lose no time in taking measures to
release me from a tie that is odious to me.
Glen.
Madam!
Lady G.
We shall both be free then—both! just as if we had never been
married. Ha, ha, ha! I feel the effects already on my spirits.
Glen.
Lady Glenmorris!
Lady G.
Why that frown, Sir Aubrey? Look like me— laugh, sing, be gay. Ha, ha, ha!
my toilet table awaits me. You must excuse me—sorry to be so rude.
(curtseys—aside, going) If I stayed another moment, it
would be all over with me—I should burst with
grief. Exit,
L.
Glen.
Whew! I am confounded! Can this be Mabel? Certainly—'twas not that I
expected. Well, so be it—I have no longer a reproach to make myself. Yet,
zounds! she might have cast me off with more decency—with some little
appearance of regret. Pshaw! my whole heart—my whole soul shall be
Amaranthe's now. Yes, for her my every thought. Could I have supposed that
Mabel had so little real affection for me? Confound it! I deserved better at
her hands! Ah, my widow!—but not alone! (retires)
Enter
Lady Amaranthe, C. D., followed by Bramble.
Lady A.
(aside)What can have detained him! (seeing
Glenmorris) Ah, he is still here, poor fellow!
(aloud) Enough, my Lord Arthur—you are as oppressive as a
Muscovite tyrant in his humours, and as importunate as a linkboy on a
gala-day.
Bramble.
(R.)I think I have reason for the most importunate humours, when you smiled
on every fop in the herd, and have now dismissed them in haste—what for? To
receive some more favoured swain in tête-a-tête, perhaps.
Lady A.
Oh, the monster! Maybe, you will argue that I have sought a rendezvous with
that gentleman in my
boudoir! (points to
Glenmorris.
Bramble.
Certainly not. You can't deceive me with such a vain pretext.
Lady A.
(aside) Who will say that jealousy is not
blind? (goes to sit,
R.
Bramble.
(going to Glenmorris)Is it true that you awaited my lady for
a sitting?
Glen.
(L.)With impatience.
Bramble.
Oh, ah! that's a different thing. (sits)
Lady A.
Lud! My Lord Arthur, you surely don't mean to turn into a fixture?
Bramble.
You may go on with the portrait just as if I were not there—I won't say a
word.
Lady A.
As if a volcano could help exploding! I won't have it—indeed I won't. Now go,
and send Mrs. Perkup to me to arrange my hair for the day.
(aside) To give orders to have no one else admitted.
Bramble.
(getting up)Needs must when—a fair lady drives —I leave you,
then—I leave you. (aside) I won't budge from before her door.
(going, C.)
Lady A.
(aside)At last! Enter Sir Basil Bodkin, C. D.
Another! was ever poor woman so beset? No possibility of a little quiet
flirtation!
Glen.
(aside)Confound the pragmatical fool! Not a word can I have
with her alone!
Bodkin.
(advancing pompously, L. C.)'Tis only I! (Lady
Amararthe shrugs her shoulders) I knew the general exclusion
could not be meant for me. I can never present myself at a wrong
time—never.
Lady A.
(with humour—C.) No—you arrive like destiny, which there is
no avoiding.
Bodkin.
(aside)I knew I was
right. (up C.
Lady A.
(aside)I must e'en resign myself, and seek another
opportunity.
Bramble.
(aside—R.)It can't be that fool either, she expects—but if
she does not repeat her order, torture me if I stir.
Enter Lady
Glenmorris, L., more handsomely dressed.
Glen.
(aside)She too now! The devil himself must surely shuffle the
cards to spite me.
Lady A.
There you are, sweetheart—recovered, I trust.
Lady G.
Entirely. (crossing to C.—to Bramble) Glad to find you still
here, Lord Arthur. (smiles)
Bramble.
(aside)Ye gods! what a smile was there—eh, eh!
Lady G.
(to Bodkin)Sir Basil, too, is always
welcome. (smiles.
Bodkin.
(aside)'Gad! that was a dead shot at me. And what a pair of
eyes!
Lady G.
(to Lady Amaranthe)Methought my travelling dress became me
ill—so I have spent a few moments at my toilet. (low to Lady
Amaranthe, by whom she sits) You advised me to neglect no
chance. (the Ladies talk low together.)
Bodkin.
(conceitedly)By all the divinities of Olympus, that woman has
taste! (goes up, L.)
Bramble.
She must have a design upon some one in this room. (crosses to
C.)
Glen.
Pshaw!
Bramble.
Yes, yes—she cast a glance this way—and such a glance! There, look—again!
Glen.
You think so?
Bramble.
I'm sure. (to Glenmorris) It can only be for you or me—and as
it is not for you—why, it's very clear—
Bodkin.
(dropping down, C.)And me—and me. I presume I count for some
one.
Bramble.
Now, Sir Basil, really you distress me!
Bodkin.
(angrily)My lord, my successes are
undoubted. (goes up,
C.
Bramble.
Where could have been my eyes just now? She's positively charming.
Glen.
Oh, pooh, pooh! so—so—country manners.
Bramble.
No—there's a grace and a distinction. Besides, she can be formed—and egad!
I'll take the task upon myself.
Glen.
(uneasy)You, my lord!
Bramble.
And may I never find grace with woman, if I don't obtain some favour of her
within half an hour. Besides, it will be a good card to play off against
Lady Amaranthe. See if I don't provoke her jealousy!
Glen.
(aside)Confusion! a singular part I am playing here! But
after all, what is Mabel to me now? (going up, C.)
Bramble.
(crossing to the Ladies)Foregad! my lady, you wholly absorb
our fair stranger.
Lady A.
What, still here, Lord Arthur? I swear I thought I had ordered you from my
presence a long hour hence.
Bramble.
I have been going the whole time.
Lady G.
(coquettishly)What, leave us, my lord, already?
Bramble.
Do you desire my presence, then?
Lady G.
Can you doubt it?
Lady A.
That's right! Occupy him, sweetheart—that will leave me better opportunities
with poor Mr. Frankland. (Lady Glenmorris flinches—but recovers
herself) I'll prepare for the Mall. (rings) Mr.
Frankland, you are an artist, you shall give me your judgment on my head
dress. (low to Glenmorris, who approaches) I permit you to
remain by my side.
Glen.
(low to her)I cannot. If you knew the pangs I endure—
Lady A.
(as before, smiling)Folly! Now, come, if you be very good,
I'll find means to dispatch them all.
Bramble has led to a seat on the
other side Lady Glenmorris, who has crossed, looking back at
Glenmorris—Perkup has entered, and arranges the hair of Lady
Amaranthe—Bodkin occupies himself with Lady Amaranthe conceitedly—
Glenmorris is between the two groups, looking uneasily at his
wife.
Glen.
(aside)I see what it is. She would embarrass me— place me in
a false and ridiculous position. Well, since she declares war, so be it.
Egad! I'll begin the hostilities myself, by making love to Lady Amaranthe
before her face. (goes to her)
Lady G.
(laughing to Bramble, who has been whispering with her)Oh,
no, no—I positively cannot believe a word of what you say.
Lady A.
(to Glenmorris, who looks round uneasily)Why, what ails the
man?
Glen.
Nothing—nothing. But they whisper so strangely yonder.
Lady A.
What matters that to you? Is that your affair?
Lady G.
(coquettishly)Oh, my lord—I conquer hearts! I, a poor country
dame, without experience! Oh, lud! what should I do amidst your town
toasts—so adroit, that they can be adored by a score of lovers at a time
without ever losing one—so clever, that not one of the score perceives he is
the dupe of a coquette —so sure of their charms, that they make up their own
faces every morning, as they would wind up a clock for the day?
Bramble.
Charming—fascinating!
Glen.
(to Lady Glenmorris, who is putting on rouge)So, your
ladyship wears rouge.
Lady A.
Only a shade.
Bramble.
(to Lady Glenmorris)And think you not, this charm of natural
simplicity will turn all heads? I know one already. (aside) I
wonder how the widow swallows the pill!
Lady G.
(to Lady Amaranthe)I positively must hire a house close by
your own, my dear.
Glen.
(aside)She is determined to drive me mad.
Lady G.
I mean to live in town for the future—receive a select society of all its
brightest gems. Lord Arthur, you must be one of mine.
Bramble.
With enchantment.
Lady G.
The distinguished diplomatists of the day shall embellish my drawing-room.
(looks to Bodkin)
Bodkin.
(leaving Lady Amaranthe's table, and coming over to Lady
Glenmorris)A delirious project, fair lady!
Lady G.
(after receiving Bodkin with a gracious smile— aside) Ah, it
works—it works! And it isn't so difficult after all!
Glen.
(aside)And now, Sir Basil, too! It's growing positively
ridiculous!
Bodkin.
(to Lady Glenmorris)Yes, yes, you diplomatists have a
knowledge, an experience—a—a—je ne sais quoi, which ensures
success. (flirts with
her.
Glen.
(getting still more vexed—aloud)Happy the lady who is free to
choose her residence; but most have relations—connections, who might
object—refuse—prevent—
Lady G.
(gaily)Oh, 'tis but a husband can do that—and I am free—I am
a widow.
Glen.
A widow—you, madam!
Lady G.
Yes, sir—a widow. You seem astonished!
Glen.
By no means. (aside) It will soon come to much the same
thing.
Lady A.
(aside)A widow's always a lure. Oh, she's advancing in her
science at full gallop.
Bramble.
A widow! unfortunate lady!
Lady G.
Perhaps not so much to be pitied after all.
Bodkin.
Ah, I see; your husband was a conceited, selfish, fop. Abominable!
Bramble.
Or a passionate, jealous tyrant. Atrocious!
Lady G.
Why, he had a few good qualities—not many, I own.
Bramble.
In fact, he was a monster.
Bodkin.
Just like them all.
Lady G.
Well! respect to his memory, gentlemen! The less we speak of him the
better.
Lady A.
(low to Glenmorris, who is fidgetting backwards and
forwards)What ails you? One would take you for a tower-beast
fretting in his cage.
Glen.
Oh, nothing—nothing. (aside) Impossible to defend myself, or
say a word.
Lady A.
Now, Mr. Frankland, how like you these pearls?
Glen.
(looking the other way)Charming—charming!
Bramble.
(to Lady Glenmorris)Happy the man destined to console
you!
Bodkin.
There must be some successful conquerer of that heart, you know.
Lady G.
(coquettishly)Oh, I protest nothing—and I promise
nothing.
Bramble.
(aside)Egad! she gives me encouragement.
Bodkin.
(aside)That glance was for me!
Bramble.
(low to Lady Glenmorris)If I might have the bliss of a few
moments conversation with you—alone?
Glen.
(approaching)Ah—what?
Bramble.
(turning)Hey—did you speak?
Lady G.
(affecting to lower her voice)Who is that young man?
Bramble.
Oh, a Mr. Frankland—an artist.
Bodkin.
A fellow who paints something or other.
Lady G.
Indeed! I don't know the person.
Lady A.
(to Glenmorris, who is walking up and down, enraged)Mr.
Frankland—eh! Mr. Frankland! (low to him) If you put on these
impatient airs, you had better go at once. (aloud) I am very
sorry, but if you have a lesson, I can't detain you.
Lady G.
We shall be grieved. But pray think of your lesson, Mr. Frankland.
Bramble., Bodkin.
(together)Oh, yes—pray think of your lesson!
Glen.
(low to Lady Amaranthe—enraged)You drive me out, then?
Lady A.
(low to him)For a few minutes only, foolish creature —till I
get rid of the others.
Glen.
(aside)I am bursting with rage all the same.
Lady A.
Gentlemen, you attend my slight repast to-day. Then we have Lady Spangle's
masquerade.
Bramble.
But since you are for the Mall, permit us to swell your escort, as the
humblest of your slaves. Mrs. Templemore will there see all the fashion.
Lady G.
(rising)Oh, that will be charming!
Lady A.
(rising—with evident annoyance)Delightful!
Glen.
(low to Lady Amaranthe)You are going, then?
Lady A.
(low to him)Patience—you shall see. (aloud)
Perkup, our mantillas. Exit
Perkup.(putting her hand to her head) Ah, ah!
All.
What's the matter?
Lady A.
(affecting) A sudden meagrim—the vapours of this morning.
(falls into her chair)
Lady G.
(aside)Ah, she wants to remain alone—for him! (putting
her hand to her heart) Ah, ah!
The Three Men.
(turning towards her)What's the matter?
Lady G.
Oh, a dreadful palpitation—the fatigues of my journey—oh! (falls into
her chair)
Glen.
(aside)Both at once! The devil!
Lady A.
(aside)She too! She doesn't comprehend me.
Lady G.
(low and quick to Bramble)You had better not go.
Bramble.
I understand. Ravishing creature!
Bodkin.
(busied about Lady Glenmorris)Poor little darling! I am so
moved by sympathy, I think I shall have an attack too.
Bramble.
Impossible to leave you thus. (sits, L.)
Lady G.
(low to him)That's right.
Glen.
(low to Lady Amaranthe)Lord Arthur remains, madam!
Lady A.
(low to him)Now fly in a passion again, monster. You don't
deserve that I should say—come back.
Bramble.
(low to Lady Glenmorris)It were wiser to go, and return
immediately. (rises—aloud) There—all goes better now. Come,
Sir Basil, we will leave the ladies.
Bodkin.
I am sure I could have done them good. I always do!
Bramble.
(low to Glenmorris) I have succeeded—she gives me a
rendezvous.
Glen.
(aside)Ha! and no means of cramming the words down his cursed
throat—not that I care for the base woman! But she has borne my name.
Bramble.
(low to Glenmorris)Get rid of your friend.
Glen.
(low to Lady Amaranthe)You had better keep that Mrs.
What's-her-name locked up out of the way. (aside) At all
events, I will prevent their
rendezvous. Exit,
hurriedly, C. D.
Bramble.
Adieu, mes toutes belles! Come, Sir
Basil! (pulls him
away.
Bodkin.
I am sure I could have done them a world of
good. Exit, with Bramble,
C. D. (Lady
Amaranthe and Lady Glenmorris both burst out laughing)
Lady G.
(with affected simplicity)I hope I have shown myself an apt
scholar, love.
Lady A.
(still laughing)If you mean in the art of upsetting all my
schemes—assuredly.
Lady G.
(as before—rising)I followed your example.
Lady A.
The very last thing you should have done. By detaining Lord Arthur, and
remaining yourself, you prevented my being alone with that poor Mr.
Frankland.
Lady G.
(as before)Oh, did I? I'm sure I am very sorry. I'll leave
you, then, at once.
Lady A.
When it is too late. (rises)
Lady G.
You should have made me a sign. You know I am a poor, inexperienced, ignorant
creature.
Lady A.
Well, no matter now, sweetheart—the harm is small.
Lady G.
You will contrive to see him again, then—alone?
Lady A.
Yes, and perhaps the crisis of my fate is nigh.
Lady G.
(seeking to know)Ah, indeed!
Lady A.
Alas! there must be a conclusion to every drama, even that of a professed
coquette—surrender and marriage. Leonard loves me; and if, after one last
explanation, I declare myself—Yes, to-night, at Lady Spangle's masquerade—he
is invited.
Lady G.
(as before)Well!
Lady A.
You shall know all hereafter.
Lady G.
(disappointed)Ah!
Lady A.
Continue to occupy Lord Arthur Bramble.
Lady G.
There's no difficulty in that—he's coming back.
Lady A.
For you?
Lady G.
For me.
Lady A.
(somewhat piqued)The monster! Well, no matter, I thought I
had some regard for the wretch once—and had not another come in the way—who
knows? But that's all over now. So keep him, sweetheart—I resign him without
a pang— the false traitor! the—the—only promise me to break his heart for
him—and then I'll leave you.
Lady G.
But tell me first—
Lady A.
Not now. (goes to R. D., and returns) Mind, you must break
Lord Arthur's heart—make him suffer, love—suffer, d'ye hear? the weak,
wavering fellow! (aside, going) A woman may love one man, but
she never can bear to see another desert her colours—it's always an
abomination. Exit,
R.
Lady G.
What can she mean to do? I am lost in a chaos of doubt. But the spirit of
vengeance is aroused in me, and I'll fight to the last, for the good of
humanity—in the cause of neglected wives. I'll coquette with the whole male
race—It's so amusing to see them dying before one! But, no, no! let me learn
the strategy of the coquette in self-defence—not as a means of heartless
attack. Ah, Lord Arthur!Enter Lord Arthur Bramble, C. D.
Bramble.
Alone, fairest! Exquisite opportunity!
Lady G.
I expected you, my lord. I have not the art of your town coquettes—I am frank
and straitforward; and I will avow to you a truth, which, doubtless, you are
unaccustomed to learn.
Bramble.
No, no—I am tolerably accustomed to such things. You would avow to me
that—
Lady G.
That I can never love you.
Bramble.
(disappointed)Ah! (aside) I must say, I did
not expect that.
Lady G.
I admit your powers of pleasing—but a previous affection—deep as it is
unhappy—absorbs my every feeling.
Bramble.
Enough—enough, madam. Certainly, I had fancied that—in fact—but I have the
honour of wishing you a very good day. (going)
Lady G.
Do not leave me thus. Affection for another excludes neither friendship or
interest. I will be frank again— you love Lady Amaranthe.
Bramble.
I own it. My heart—my true, real, genuine heart is hers. But she does not
love me.
Lady G.
She loves you alone. But alarmed by your jealous temper—
Bramble.
My jealous temper! What a calumny! Did I know my rival, I'd slit the rascal's
ears for him.
Lady G.
(laughing)Ha, ha, ha! right or wrong, she fears to confide to
you her future welfare; and, although she loves you, might listen to the
proposals of another, who designs, it seems, to profit by this masquerade to
lure her into his clutches.
Bramble.
But what would you have me do?
Lady G.
Watch her movements at this masquerade—follow her—thwart this fellow's
designs—show her your claims to gratitude; and then, abjuring that impatient
temper—
Bramble.
Temper again! Temper! when I am the most reasonable and composed of men.
Lady G.
So it seems.
Bramble.
Well, no—you are right. I will moderate my temper—and marriage is a
wonderful sedative. You shall see how I shall calm down when she is mine.
Oh, you are an angel. (seizes her hand and kisses
it.)Enter Perkup, C. D., with a letter.
Perkup.
Hum! (Lady Glenmorris and Bramble go asunder—aside) So,
madam makes the best use of her time.
Bramble.
Well, girl, what do you want?
Perkup.
A letter for your lor'ship, left by a street porter, who said 'twas in urgent
haste. (Bramble snatches the letter— aside) Not that I think
his lor'ship was in any hurry for it. Oh, these fine ladies! how they do
lead those men by the nose —I mean by the
lips. Exit, C.
D.
Bramble.
Permit me!
Lady G.
(aside—after looking over his shoulder)My husband's
handwriting!
Bramble.
(to himself)Strange missive! but it is to my address. Egad!
I'll give a lesson to this insolent scribe!
Lady G.
Where are you going?
Bramble.
A little matter of business calls me away.
Lady G.
I see what it is—some rendezvous. Poor Aramanthe!
Bramble.
I assure you no!
Lady G.
But I am convinced it is.
Bramble.
(giving her the letter)Judge for yourself, and understand the
mystery if you can—for I cannot.
Lady G.
(reading)“A gentleman whom you have mortally offended”
(aside) Heavens! (reading) “demands
instant satisfaction of you, and awaits you alone by Rosamond's pond.”
Bramble.
And no signature!
Lady G.
(aside)Ah, this is terrible! could I have known—
Bramble.
You tremble for me! how kind! but fear nothing—I am sure of my lunge.
Lady G.
I can never suffer you to expose yourself thus to danger.
Bramble.
You are charming. But in such an affair, all the world will tell you I must
listen only to honour's dictates.Enter Sir Aubrey Glenmorris, C.
D.
Glen.
(aside)He does not come; and my uncontrolable impatience—Ah!
still together.
Bramble.
(C.)Ask Mr. Frankland here!
Lady G.
(R., aside)Good heavens! (up stage)
Bramble.
Now, my good fellow, read that, (gives letter to Sir Aubrey)
and say how a man should act in such a case.
Glen.
Can Lord Arthur Bramble ask the question?
Bramble.
There—what did I say? I fly!
Glen.
And I will follow you. (going)
Lady G.
(flinging herself between them—hastily to Bramble)You shall
not go!
Bramble.
Madam!
Lady G.
(aside)Heaven inspire me! (aloud) Women
understand not all the niceties of what men call honour; but sense alone
suggests that honour cannot demand the acceptance of a challenge, without
name avowed—without motives indicated.
Glen.
They can easily be learned. (pointedly) The challenger awaits
Lord Arthur.
Lady G.
He does not. (pointedly) I am sure he is not at the place of
meeting.
Glen.
But he will be there.
Lady G.
Then he will be there alone, for (turning to Lord Arthur) you
shall not stir from hence. I command you— stay!
Glen.
(aside)She commands, now! she must be possessed.
Lady G.
In the name of one so dear to you—who loves you so tenderly, you know—one who
would not survive your loss.
Glen.
(aside)She avows her passion under my very nose.
Bramble.
But my dear lady—
Lady G.
(low to Bramble)But suppose it should be a trick of this
unknown rival to get you out of the way—take advantage of your absence.
Bramble.
(low)What a ray of light! yes, yes, an anonymous challenge! I
should be left to cool my heels by Rosamond's pond, while he—'tis evident—in
fact, a very clumsy trick. (aloud) I shall not go.
Lady G.
(with joy)Ah!
Glen.
My lord!
Bramble.
No, no, I shall not go. I'm not to be caught like a gudgeon, gadslife!
(low to Lady Glenmorris) I'll not quit my widow for a
moment.
Lady G.
(low to Bramble)'Tis the wisest resolution.
Glen.
(aside)Whispering again! confusion!
Lady G.
So! I have your promise to accept no provocation without my permission.
(he hesitates) I insist upon it—do you hear?
(smiling) I insist upon it.
Glen.
(aside)Now she insists. She is possessed, 'tis clear!
Bramble.
(kissing the hand of Lady G.)I yield—you are an angel.
Glen.
(aside)And no means of vengeance! oh, my
rage! (advancing.
Lady G.
(hastily placing herself between them)Sir!
Glen.
(low to her, with rage)So! you tremble for him,
madam.
Lady G.
(low)And were it not for him?
Glen.
(checking himself—with joy)What do I hear?
Bramble.
(coming down again to Lady G.)You are my guardian angel.
(to Sir Aubrey) That's a charming woman, my dear sir—an
adorable woman. Exit, C.
D.
Lady G.
(aside)I must not forget my lesson.
Glen.
Did I hear aright? is it possible? (Lady Glenmorris goes C.
D.) You leave me without a word?
Lady G.
(coldly)I am not aware that we have further business to
discuss.
Glen.
But surely that expression of interest in my fate—
Lady G.
What! did I say anything? I swear I never meant it. You have often reproached
me with talking like a silly child; so, pray pay no heed to any folly I may
utter.
Glen.
(disappointed)Indeed! I was deceived, then. Permit me, at
least, the privilege to speak.
Lady G.
Provided you be quick.
Glen.
(with constraint)Madam, although the ties which existed
between us will be shortly severed, some interest may survive—on my part;
and I cannot see you falling down a precipice—plunged into the whirlpool of
a society—
Lady G.
(interrupting)Which you have made your own. Can I take a
better model for my future conduct than a woman whom you so much admire?
Surely you cannot blame the lightness of a coquette, who is happy
only in the number of her admirers and her dupes. You follow in her
train—you swell her ranks—you applaud—approve—can you condemn
me?
Glen.
Madam!
Lady G.
(curtseying)Your pardon, sir, I am in haste— arrangements to
make for the masquerade—an engagement to settle with Lord Arthur Bramble.
(going)
Glen.
(stopping her)I understand your impatience, madam, but I
cannot forget that I have been—that I am your husband. Spite of
all, memory will retrace those days gone by—
Lady G.
(laughing with affectation)Oh, dear—oh dear! there's nothing
on earth so easy as to forget—I find it so.
Glen.
(piqued)Indeed! what, have you no souvenir of a love
once tender and sincere?
Lady G.
(restraining her natural impulse)Heaven help the man!
there's nothing so tiresome and silly as a heart that really loves. I must
have wearied you to extinction. I gave my whole heart and soul to you. Ha,
ha, ha! It must have been ruefully fatiguing.
Glen.
And are you, then, so wholly changed?
Lady G.
(with coquetry)Well, perhaps, not quite.
Glen.
(eagerly)Ah! then you—
Lady G.
(checking herself)Oh, don't be uneasy. The change will
speedily be complete.
Glen.
Mabel, were it true—Enter Sir Basil Bodkin, C. D.
Bodkin.
Lovely Mrs. Templemore, I was seeking you everywhere.
Glen.
(aside)The foul fiend seize the fool.
Bodkin.
All the world is in the gallery. The new cotillon must be practised for the
masquerade. The fiddlers are there, but the string to all hearts fails.
(aside) That was pretty.
Glen.
(low to Lady G.)Mabel I must speak to you—I entreat you, hear
me.
Lady G.
(aside)Only too willingly, did I yet think myself secure.
(aloud, paying no heed to Glenmorris) Sir Basil, I attend
you—Mr. Frankland, sorry to quit you; but dances and dresses are important
affairs of state for women. Au revoir.
Glen.
I shall see you, then, again, madam?
Lady G.
(coquettishly)Who knows? Well, perhaps. Sir Basil, I am
yours.
Bodkin.
(aside, as he gives her his hand)She adores me! My
diplomatic tact is sure of success with them
all. Exit with Lady
Glenmorris, C. D.
Glen.
That last look gave me hope. Hope! what do I mean by hope? Zounds! I no
longer know what I hope— what I desire—even what I feel. What madness
possesses a man to pursue these brilliant meteors of fashion, that flicker
thus, false lights, before our eyes—now luring one—now fascinating
another—and to disdain the true star of love—a pure confiding heart, that
shines steadily to one's own, and mirror's there its sole affection. Fools
are we all! Ah, were there still time to arrest Mabel—It is my duty!
(going hastily, C. D.)
Enter Lady Amaranthe, R.
D.—she wears a domino, and holds her mask in her hand.
Lady A.
(R., aside)He is there—I thought so. (aloud—
calling) Mr. Frankland!
Glen.
(aside)Lady Amaranthe! at this moment!
Lady A.
I guessed you would await me here, you naughty, confident man!
Glen.
(embarrassed)Certainly! My only thought was for you.
(aside) What is Mabel doing now?
Lady A.
I pretended the necessity of a change in the trimming of my domino to leave
my guests—for I knew your impatience.
Glen.
Certainly. (aside) She will be listening to the flatteries of
those cursed fools!
Lady A.
I would have come sooner, but Lord Arthur Bramble persecuted me with fresh
protestations.
Glen.
(with hope)Then he no longer courts that Mrs.
Templemore.
Lady A.
(shrugging her shoulders)Oh! the monster was only deceiving
me; for I caught them exchanging signs of intelligence.
Glen.
Ah!
Lady A.
So are those traitors—men—ever affecting most tenderness when they most
design to break their chains. They are now practising the new dance
together.
Glen.
(aside)She is dancing—dancing with him, while I— I—am
dancing, too, but on hot irons.
Lady A.
(aside)I could have torn the traitor's eyes out. But what
matter? My heart is not his—I feel it is wholly another's now. (aloud
to Sir Aubrey, who is going up C. D.) Mr. Frankland, we have to
speak together seriously. I feel, in according this interview, which you
have so earnestly desired, a strange oppression—
Glen.
(eagerly)A return of the vapours! Nothing like gaiety to
dissipate them. Suppose I lead you back to the company in the gallery.
Lady A.
What! when the whole day you have sought to be alone with me in vain. Such
abnegation I did not expect. Come sit down, there—by my side.
Glen.
(aside)I cannot stand this!
Lady A.
(seated)You have much to tell me.
Glen.
(holding the chair without sitting)I?
Lady A.
Yes—for before further explanations, you must dissipate the mystery that
surrounds you, for mystery there is.
Glen.
(not attending to her)Certainly! (goes up)
Lady A.
So you avow it! Ah! you have been wrong to deceive me with insincerity. Come,
confess all—I listen.
Glen.
(aside at C. D., looking out)Yes! there she is! What's that?
A note put into her hand! She approaches the window to read it! Oh,
confusion! that is too
much! Exit hastily, C.
D.
Lady A.
So, shame ties your tongue. Must I encourage you? Speak, then, and I, in
turn, will tell you of the plans that I have formed. (looking
round) Gone? when I expected a fervid declaration—What does this
mean? I'm thunderstruck! Enter Sir Basil Bodkin, C. D. Sir
Basil! Well, in the general desertion, I am sure of the constancy of my lay
figure. (aloud to Bodkin, who is hunting about) What's the
matter?
Bodkin.
Ah, fair lady—I did not see you.
Lady A.
Indeed!
Bodkin.
I was seeking for a fan—Mrs. Templemore's fan.
Lady A.
Mabel again!
Bodkin.
She is suffocating with heat, poor dear little woman. She has been dancing
with an incomparable grace. Ye gods, how she did dance! I don't see her fan.
(going)
Lady A.
(L., with impatience)Sir Basil!
Bodkin.
(R)I never saw any sylph so airy. She inspired me so, that I could have
tripped myself like another sylph. Foregad! I could—It was all I could do
to keep myself from —(beginning to dance) I can't find her
fan. (going)
Lady A.
Did I not bid you stay, Sir Basil? But this is unbearable! She has turned
every head then?
Bodkin.
Braybabble is dumb with admiration. Lord Faddle lisps more pathetically than
ever. Fripperycourt has laid his scented gloves at her feet; and Captain
Simper has positively found his tongue to express his devotion. It's a
general conflagration! Where the deuce is this fan?
Lady A.
(stamping with her foot)Stay, I tell you! And even you, it
seems, have been scorched by the flame, Sir Basil?
Bodkin.
What, you saw me—at her feet?
Lady A.
At her feet!—he too!
Bodkin.
(aside)Eh, eh! a slip of the tongue—from a diplomatist
too—incredible! But it's the first time.
Lady A.
You—you too! (aside) My very lay figure—my butt—my man of
straw seduced!
Bodkin.
I don't know how it was. My habit of constant success—I could not help it.
But my heart is yours.
Lady A.
(walking about in a fever of impatience—aside)So, it seems I
have taught a lesson for personal application—given arms to be directed
against myself—raised a spirit that turns to rend me. An old friend, too!
fool and dupe that I am!
Bodkin.
(following her—aside)She seems irate! (aloud)
But my heart is only yours, you know.
Lady A.
(as before)But should Leonard also fall into her nets—I
cannot bear the thought. My project must be hastened at all ventures. I can
best escape from observation during the confusion of the masquerade. Mabel,
dressed in the domino similar to this, shall remain at the ball, and
unwittingly serve my plan. A secret marriage shall make me his for ever. By
degrees, the world may know the proud woman's weakness.
Bodkin.
(as before—aside)She is uncommon difficult to mollify.
(aloud) But my heart is only yours, and yours alone.
Lady A.
What did you say?
Bodkin.
(aside)She wants me to repeat the fond words.
(aloud) But my heart—
Lady A.
I have no time to speak of trifles now.
Bodkin.
Trifles! my heart a trifle!
Lady A.
Hear me, Sir Basil—(aside) He may be of service. But what
excuse can I invent?
Bodkin.
I am waiting to hear. (aside) Will she confess her love at
last?
Lady A.
(with a sudden thought)Ah, Sir Basil, I am weary of this
life. I quit London for the country—this very night.
Bodkin.
Alone?
Lady A.
No, no—a true friend shall accompany me as—as—
Bodkin.
Your husband. (aside) I knew she would come to me!
Lady A.
Let a hackney carriage await me at the corner of Lady Spangle's Street—I
would escape all observation—leave the world to learn my departure only by
my absence. At this masked ball keep near me, at a little distance, without
speaking —you will recognise this domino. (aside) Mabel will
have the other—he will follow her.
Bodkin.
Good—good! (aside) I carry off the prize—I was sure of it.
Lady A.
Await my signal to depart.
Bodkin.
(aside)She's mine.
Lady A.
(aside)He'll wait all night. (aloud) Now
go—see that the carriage is ready.
Bodkin.
Oh, if the gratitude of a grateful and gratified heart—
Lady A.
Not another word—begone!
Bodkin.
I go. (aside, going) I am born for
success! Exit, C.
D.
Lady A.
Yes, yes—this very night the humble Leonard Frankland shall have my hand. No
indecision more—I will be strong—or weak—which shall I call it? I scarce
know myself! Enter Lady Glenmorris, C. D. Mabel! the horrid
little flirt! I have no patience with her!
Lady G.
(L.)I am delighted to find you, sweetheart!
Lady A.
(R.—with ill repressed spite)Come, let me felicitate you,
love.
Lady G.
I have done my best—I thought you would be pleased with me.
Lady A.
(as before)I am enchanted. For a first lesson you have
profitted marvellously, I must admit. One would have thought you had been a
professor yourself all your life.
Lady G.
You flatter me.
Lady A.
Oh, no.
Lady G.
You say that so singularly. Are you vexed that I should be courted by all the
men?
Lady A.
On the contrary—even though they be all my own adorers.
Lady G.
(smiling)You told me, you know, that I must learn to embrace
my dearest friend, and yet carry off her lovers.
Lady A.
(aside)Is this simplicity or artifice? (aloud)
Your domino is in your room, sweetheart. Keep closely masked at Lady
Spangle's. Prudence dictates this course—and should you miss me, return
here.
Lady G.
What do you mean?
Lady A.
Nothing. (sits)
Lady G.
(aside)I tremble.
Lady A.
You will be ready? (sits, turning her back, sulkily.
Lady G.
I will. (aside, going) She has some design. Ought I not to
reveal all? And yet—not to be sure of Aubrey. No, pardon me, Amaranthe, if
still a short time longer I keep my secret. Ah, 'tis
he!
(she hastily enters
the room, L., and looks out occasionally during the following
scene)
Enter Glenmorris, C. D.
Glen.
(at the door, holding a bouquet in his hand)Perfidious
woman! she disarms my anger by a look of tenderness—gives me her flowers to
hold as a gage of kindly feeling, and then disappears at the same time as
Lord Arthur. (throws down the bouquet)
Lady A.
(R.—turning at this last movement)Leonard!
(rises) Ah, you are come! If you knew all my doubts and
fears!
Glen.
(L.)Yours!
Lady A.
Yes—hear me. We may be interrupted every moment—tell me, do you love me
still?
Glen.
(confused)Love you! yes—I—(aside) At least I
hate Mabel now.
Lady A.
Well, then—(with effort) Mr. Frankland—Leonard —you have
supplicated at my feet, often and ardently—I may have received the
attentions of others—of one other for whom I thought once to have a lurking
preference—but the coquette is gone! you have triumphed over all—my hand is
yours.
Glen.
(in confusion)Your hand!
Lady A.
Yes. I would not that the world should know this at once. Here I am observed.
At Lady Spangle's masquerade I have arranged all, that we may depart
together—a secret marriage shall unite us—and then—But you are pale,
confused.
Glen.
(embarassed)With delight! (aside) What shall I
say and do?
Lady A.
Then at last I make one being happy.
Glen.
(as before)Yes, very happy.
Lady A.
(aside) And if I can wring one pang from Lord Arthur's
heart, I am revenged on him.
Enter Perkup, C. D.
Perkup.
Oh, lud, your la'ship, the gentlemen will fall a fighting next among
themselves, if your la'ship is not soon ready to start for the masquerade.
And all for Madame Templemore!
Lady A.
Indeed! Await me here, Mr. Frankland. Come, Perkup. (aside)
'Tis done! the die is
cast! Exit, R.
Perkup.
(going)If I don't set Taggs and the others fighting about me,
too, I'm no woman. 'Tis such
fun! Exit, R.
Glen.
Into what a labyrinth of error has my folly plunged me. Lady Amaranthe
accepts me—and Mabel, shameful woman! when all my love revived—no, I will
tear her utterly from my heart. (snatches up the bouquet)
Would I could crush my affection as I now crush these flowers. What's this,
in the midst of the flowers? a billet doux! from my rival— that
accursed Lord Arthur Bramble. (flinging down the flowers, and opening
the note) Yes, it is from him! (reading with
agitation) “Most generous of women—your advice shall be
followed. I have arranged all, so as to protect her I love from a rival, and
make her mine.” Her he loves! torture! “May the same happiness be yours—and
that unhappy love, you say, is the only thought of your existence, be
rewarded by the repentance of the false one.” What does this mean? It is not
he then? But who—Ah, can it be possible? Can Mabel love me still?
Lady Glenmorris has entered—she goes up a little and drops down,
R. C.—she is dressed in a similar domino to Lady Amaranthe, and is
masked. Oh, I must see her—speak with her.
(turns) Heavens! Lady Amaranthe!
Lady G.
(advancing—changing her voice)Are you ready? Come.
Glen.
(in the greatest agitation)No, never—it cannot be! Hear
me—hear the confession of a wretched criminal. (Lady Glenmorris
totters) Ha, she grows faint! (leads her to a
chair) Pity me—pardon me if you can—I have deceived you, and
another, whose pure affection I disdained, has resumed her empire over my
heart—I love her alone—and if she restores me not her lost affection, I feel
that life will be worthless.
Lady G.
(weeping)Oh!
Glen.
You weep?
Lady G.
Yes, but it is with joy. (takes off her mask)
Glen.
Mabel!
Lady G.
(C.)Oh, recall not the words that you have uttered (Glenmorris kneels
at her feet)—those words that have restored me to bliss
unutterable. Aubrey! I have never ceased to love you—my coquetry was
affected—my coldness was the bitterest constraint. The only prize I sought
was your affection.
Glen.
(L., rising)Is this a dream—or do I now awake? Oh, Mabel, how
expiate my injustice, my cruelty to thee!
Lady G.
(rising, with fervour)By accepting my love, and my oblivion
of all. (she flings herself into his arms)
Enter
Bramble, C. D., down R.—Lady Glenmorris hastily resumes her
mask.
Bramble.
What do I see? Lady Amaranthe in his arms! Treachery! there, then, is my
rival! The painter, whom I never once suspected! But he shall give me
satisfaction.
Glen.
Satisfaction you shall have, my lord.
Enter Lady Amaranthe, hastily,
R., followed by Peukup.
Lady A.
What words of anger are these?
Bramble.
(with the utmost surprise)Lady Amaranthe! are there two,
then? (Lady Glenmorris takes off her mask) Mrs.
Templemore!
Lady A.
(aside)What do I see? Oh, my prophetic fears!
Bramble.
What does all this signify? I am lost in a maze!
Lady G.
A word from me will explain all. I have sought and found a truant
husband.
Lady A.
Her husband! Oh, Mabel, Mabel!
Lady G.
(crossing)Amaranthe! (the following between the Women
low)
Lady A.
You have deceived me basely.
Lady G.
Pardon me—had I revealed all at once, he had not been reclaimed. He had fled
me in confusion, and—
Lady A.
And I was your victim. Know you into what a gulf of perdition you had nigh
plunged me?
Lady G.
I know that I would make you happy by urging you to accept the hand of an
honest man, who really loves
you. (points to
Bramble.
Bramble.
But I really don't understand.
Lady G.
You will understand, I hope, when I tell you that Lady Amaranthe accepts your
homage and your hand.
Lady A.
(aside)Well, I believe the creature is sincere— and—who
knows? past delusive errors will fly before the sober realities of
matrimony. (aloud) Lord
Arthur. (holds out her
hand.
Bramble.
(going to her) My adored Amaranthe!
Lady G.
Let oblivion and forgiveness be our motto. I leave London with my
husband—when we return may the past be pardoned and forgotten. (Lady
Amaranthe bows coldly)Enter Bodkin, C. D.
Bodkin.
(coming down to Lady Amaranthe, and whispering)The coach is
ready at the street corner. To-night will make me a happy man.
(aside) I was sure of success.
Lady A.
You must be mad, Sir Basil! Have you taken a masquerade mystification for a
reality? Ha, ha, ha!
Bodkin.
(aside)Eh! you don't mean to say—
Lady A.
I mean to say that I have accepted Lord Arthur, and have taken Sir Aubrey and
Lady Glenmorris as witnesses of my contract. (turns to
Bramble)
Bodkin.
Lord Arthur accepted! Sir Aubrey—Lady Glen— my head spins round! Beaten!
impossible! I was so sure of my habitual success. What's come to the sex?
Ha, that damsel winks at me—my merit is appreciated still!
Perkup.
(aside)The man is positively ogling me. Now they are all
pairing like the beasts in Noah's ark—I might have a chance with him.
Lady G.
From henceforth, Aubrey, I renounce my coquetry of a day. I have gained all
the honours I sought in passing my examination in “The School for
Coquettes.”
Lady A.
And yet, 'tis not you have received the lesson.
From childhood's simpleness to latest age,
If all will read aright life's meaning page,
They still may learn good lessons to the last,
By studying the moral of the past—
And happy those, who are not chid as “fool,”
But gain applause by what they do at “school.”
CURTAIN.