Villikins and his Dinah: TEI edition

Villikins and his DinahA tragico-comico burlesque in one actby F. C. Burnand, Esq., author of Romance Under Difficulties," &c.Thomas Hailes Lacy, 89, Strand, (Opposite Southampton Street, Covent Garden Market, London. Villikins and his Dinah

First performed on November 8th, 1855, at the A. D. C. Rooms, Cambridge.

Master Grumbleton Gruffin, a rich (Soap) Merchant of London, the original "Parient" Baron Boski Bumble , Ancestor of the celebrated Beadle, the original "Lovier so galliant and gay," William Wilkins , socially and convivially known as "Villikins," a young apprentice in desperate love with Dinah Gruffin the sole feminine female offspring" of the above mentioned Soap Merchant in love with the aforesaid "Villikins"

Costumes.—Time of King Artaxominous.

Gruffin.—Square cut coat with full skirts, long white waistcoat, breeches, long white stockings over the knees, shoes and buckles, cravat, large frill and ruffles, full-bottom powdered wig, three-cornered hat.

Baron.—Velvet suit, embroidered, powdered wig and long queue, &c.

Villikins.—Square cut coat, light waistcoat, black breeches, white stockings, shoes and buckles, ringlet wig unpowdered, or Jack Sheppard scratch wig.

Dinah.—Silk open dress, satin petticoat, stomacher, short sleeves with hanging lace sleeves, black mittens, high-heeled shoes, powdered ringlet wig, patches on face.

This burlesque was written for Amateur performance, and is quite original. Villikins And His Dinah .

Scene I. - The front garden of Gruffin's house at Clapham, with wall and garden gate at back. Arbour, L. U. E. Music piano as curtain rises, "Slumber, my darling." Dinah is discovered asleep—she yawns, rises, stretches herself awakes, and comes forward. Dinah. Oh, dear me! why what a dream I’ve had; To be awake at last I’m very glad. I’ve caught cold from the damp—‘tis getting late. (clock strikes eight) Ah, yes, I thought so—’tis just striking eight. " Now is the witching hour,” or hour in which My William is to meet me by yon ditch; No walls or spikes can stop fond lovers’ pleasure. Where’er we meet, of love we take full measure. Ah, yes—’tis he! He comes my mind to ease; (Villikins sneezes without. Tho ‘ I don' t know his foot, I know his sneeze. (Villikins sneezes and then blows his nose. That sound again! My breath quick comes and goes, I know ’tis he—he blows his precious nose I will return the signal. (sneezes) Villikins. (without ) Dinah dear! Dinah. Don’t stay outside, my William, come in here. Villi. The gate is locked Dinah. Out and alas! I knew it. Oh, bars and bolts ! Villi. Barrin’ the bolts, I’d do it. Ne’er by a wall shall Villikins be floored— Hast got a key ? Dinah. No, but I’ve got a chord! I’ll throw it over, then, on wings of hope, You’ll mount to meet me. Villi. Just make fast the rope. (Villikins' head appears above the wall, c.) My dearest Dinah, Now I’m on the top. (disappears. Dinah. I(screaming.) Art hurt my love ? Villi. (re-appears.) I did but take a drop. Dinah. A drop too much ? Villi. (descends and comes forward, rubbing himself.)Draining a drop's no pain; But there’s a slight difference dropping in a drain ! Well, now I’m here— Dinah. (l. c.) Oh, I so feared about you, Just now without. Villi, Gruff. (b. c.) Because I was without you. Dinah. Oh, I’ve had such a dream, for plainly quite I saw—what think you? Villi. Oh, I know—a sight ! Dinah. A ghost all wrapped— Villi. Don’t talk of spirit rapping , Or I shall think you have been spirit tapping. Dinah. A ghost wrapped in a cloak— Villi. What did he do ? Dinah. Undid the cloak, and then I saw—’twas you! Villi. My dearest Dinah, a joke's a joke—you shouldn't And, ‘twixt ourselves, I really wish you wouldn’t That I’ve a dislike to ghosts you can’t help knowing. Owing to that Professor— Dinah. Who ? Villi. Professor Owen. For I confess I fear the hats that walk, And tables that are full of table talk. Once did I hear, near a mahog'ny set, The brazen castors each begin to bet; The table, losing polish by connection With such bad folks, gave way to dull reflection . I did not wonder when I saw—‘ifegs ! This gambolling table was kept up by legs! But of your dream, dear ? Dinah. Worse remains behind. Villi. Then give it me in werse, if you’re inclined. Dinah. But I'm so hoarse—ahem! Villi. What’s that you say ? Although you’re ho(a)rse, I beg you’ll not say nay (neigh) Song.—Dinah.—Air, "Ratcatcher's Daughter,” I dream’t I was sitting with my pa’ down there, A-swallowing oysters and porter, And that you were a-sitting at your Dinah’s chair, And whistling a tune you’d taught her; When down with a bump, Your Dinah falls plump, Or would have, if you’d not caught her. Father cries, for with horror he couldn't stir a stump. Oh, Villiam ! can’t you come and catch my daughter ? (spoken.) On which you answered distractedly, Doodle dee! doodle dum! dum di doodle da! You though ‘twas the porter had got in my head, So the bottle you turned your eyes on; You put it to your lips, to your nose, then said, "I’m blessed if she arn‘t a-taken pison!" "If you’re pisoned,' ’ says you, "Then I’ll be pisoned too," And you drank it without caring a farden; And whilst we both were kicking in convulsions blue, I awoke and found myself in the garden. (spoken) On which I exclaimed joyfully, Doodle dee! doodle dum! dum di doodle da! Chorus.—Villikins and Dinah. Doodle dee! doodle dum! dum di doodle da! (Villikins and Dinah execute a pas de doo— (deux) die. Villi. Dreams are but swindlers,, swindling futurity Like certain banks,in which there’s no security . But now, my love— Gruffin. r. (outside, R.) Ho daughter, ho! Dinah. My father’s voice. Villi. (faintly.) I fear I am de trop. Where can I hide for a short time my head ? Dinah. Why turn down there, (pointing off, R.) Villi. What, in that turn-up bed ? I’d rather not— Dinah. Stay ! here an arbour see. Villi. An arbour ? Just the thing to harbour me- Dinah. Pa’s coming down the walk. (looking off, R.H.) Villi. (going towards arbour, L)‘Ecod, I'll do it Dinah. Be off. (pushing him in.) Villi (shutting door.) I’m gone! I wish you, love, well through it. Enter Gruffin, r. h. Gruff. So, daughter : —so you are alone, I see. Dinah. No, pa’ I’m not— Gruff. Hey! Dinah. Because you are with me• Gruff. Pooh! daughter put this levity away, I’ve got a gent a-coming here to-day— > In short, a "lovier, galliant, rich, and-gay." But how is this ? you seem quite melancholy . Dinah. Quite a mistake—papa, I’m, in fact, jolly. (aside.) If he finds Villiam here, what shall I do ? (aloud) Who is this lovier for—for me ? Gruff. For me ? for you. (aside.) Something’s gone wrong, I’m sure—I smell a rat, But I will be too sharp for her, that’s flat. (aloud.) Come, let me tell you, miss, he is a catch. Dinah. Of Lucifer's own making, ‘tis a match Marry the man, papa, I really can’t. Gruff. You must. Dinah. I mustn’t Gruff. But you shall! Dinah. I shan’t! Gruff. What is the cause, miss, of this crazy whim ? Dinah. The cause is Wilkins, cause I love but him. On Villikins alone my heart is set— As Shakspeare says, "We may be happy yet." Gruff. • Ho, ho ! ha, ha! Sits the wind in that quarter ? I though t I told you not to love him,darter. Now listen, Dinah . You know I’ve made money By selling cakes of almond soap and honey. Few men there are with me in trade can cope— In short,you know, I am well off for soap." You are an heiress—titled you are not, Now let a title crown the wealth you’ve got. But if ‘twixt you and me you place a bar, Your future prospects your papa will mar; For to a kinsman I’ll give every crown, Out of brown Windsor you shall be done brown. And as for Villikins—the base-born peasant— I’ll skin him like an eel! Villi. (listening at arbour door.) Dear me, how pleasant. Gruff. What’s that you said ? Dinah. I? Gruff. You? Dinah. Why I said naught Gruff. You didn’t ? Dinah. No, I didn‘t! Gruff. Then you ought. Dinah. Don’t force me to the altar, but alter your mind. To tell the truth, " I do not feel inclined Just yet to marry" and would fain keep clear of it— " Give me a year, I beg." Gruff. Pooh! I’ll not hear of it. Daughter, you must dispense with thoughts like these, And, once for all., you’ll marry whom I please ; For sighs and floods of tears, miss, I care nuffin— If you marry Villikins, my name ain‘t Gruffin! Song — Gruffin —Air, "Down among the dead men." No, no such thing, Or we’ll have no peace, If coves like this are on the increase; So stop your jaw, don’t bother me to death, For you’ll only find that you waste your breath . If he thinks me to mollify, as well upon a door-post, Diddle, diddle, door-post, He might try. Get you within the house, and don't delay To put on all your "gorgeous array;" Your image bright on his heart to impress. Wear your best dress, and use your best address. Why don't you go? why fidget so about ? Dinah. (aside.) Oh, if I could but let my William out. (aloud.) Fidget ? Oh, no—I’m going. (crosses.) Well, go now, And order supper. Dinah. (aside.) Won’t there be a row! [Exit Dinah into house, R. U. E. Gruff. On your proceedings, ma’am. I’ll keep my eye Aha! she little thinks I played the spy On her goings on down here this afternoon, And from my bedroom window saw that spoon, Young Villikins, about the hour of eight, Stand with her here, having a tête-à-tête He’s on the premises still, since his intrusion, Which are the premises for my conclusion. Somewhere he hides,and such a castigation I’ll give his hide— Villi. (looking from arbour.) Oh, here’s a situation! Gruff. If I had but a penknife, sword or hatchet, I’d—but when I catch him, ’ecod, won’t he catch it. Exit Gruffin, L. H. Villi. (looks cautiously out, and then comes down.) A rasher man with passion ne’er was shaken— Talking of rashers how to save my bacon. But now for flight, to see the coast is clear. By sheer good luck I may from him safe sheer (Music, piano, Haydn's " Surprise. " Villikins crosses from L. h. to k. h. cautiously ; enter Gruffin, L. h. ; crosses and collars Villikins at R. h. wing. —A Chord. Gruff. What have you got to say before I hide ye ? Villi. That I’m a traveller—yes, bona fide. Gruff. Bon fide! Fie, you’ve boned my daughter— At least you would have, if you could ha‘ caught her, You thought to cut, but I’m too quick upon ye. Don’t bona fide me— Villi. Well, Bono Johnny ! My gentle Gruffin—(aside.) now for a bit of gammon—(aloud) Sweeter than any bread with lots of jam on. List! in the key of G(ee) I’ll tell my wo(a)es I’ll clear my voice and—first I’ll blow my nose. Song.—Villikins.—Air, " A Frog he would." Villi. A simple fact to you I’ll tell, So keep still, Gruffin A simple fact to you I’ll tell— I love not wisely, but too well, With a roley poley— Gammon and spinach! Be quiet. Grumbleton Gruffin! When first I saw your daughter fair. Oh, dear, Gruffin When first I saw your daughter fair, I thought we were born to make a pair In happiness never less, But we got in a mess, All through Grumbleton Gruffin ! To angry thoughts now don't give way, Keep cool, Gruffin! To angry thoughts now don’t give way, But give me your daughter to wed, I pray For a merry face, charming grace Never were out of place On you, Grumbleton Gruffin! Oh, kindest Gruffin! now my request you’ve heard. Answer, I pray you, but with one kind word. Gruff. Poor stupid goose! answer you,yes I can, sir, For such a goose, there can but be one anser. Song—Gruffin.—Air.—" Bow, wow, wow. " Now listen to my answer, and let us stop all fooling For while you’ve been a singing, why I’ve had time for cooling: You can marry my daughter now, let no one say you can’t sir. There’s but one slight objection to it—and that is, you shan’t, sir. No! no! no! shouldn’t I like to catch you at it! . no! no! no! So take advice, I pray, from me, and at all sorrow flout, sir, There are better fish still in the sea, than ever yet came out, sir. But p’raps you’ll stop and sup with us, we sup soon as you know, sir, There’s but one thing against your stopping—‘tis, you’ll please to go, sir. Go! go ! go! And never let me see you here again ! Go! go ! (Sound as of wheels . The gate bell rings violently. ) Gruff. Now cut it quick . Villi. Yes to the quick I’m cut, Hear me, I pray you—merely if I say but— Gruff. "But me no buts" ! you must no longer stay. The Baron Boski Bumble comes this way ! (Gate bell rings. Servants enter from house and open gate, c. Enter Dinah, R. H. Villikins retires up, L. h. Enter through gate the Baron Boski Bumble, followed by a Servant with large carpet-bag and umbrella . Music—"See the Conquering Hero Comes," which changes to "Billy Taylor." The Baron dances round the stage, salutes Gruffin, kisses Dinah’s hand, Servant imitates him, Dinah boxes his ears.) Song - Baron - Air - "Billy Taylor." I am the Baron Boski Bumble, For your information this is said, And I come as a suitor humble, Your chickabiddy tender for to wed. Tiddy fol, etc. Gruff. Tiddy fol, etc . Dinah. Tiddy fol, etc. Omnes Tiddy fol, etc . I’ve mines of gold and silver too, sir, Besides I have insured my life, If she’ll be mine she’ll find it true,sir, As Baroness Boski be my wife. Tiddy fol,etc . Gruff. Tiddy fol, etc. Dinah. Tiddy fol, etc. Omnes Tiddy fol, etc. Boski. (c.) Oh ! if my suit suits you, it will suit me, Here do I give my hand— Villi. (coming forward L. c. and snapping his fingers.)Fiddlededee ! Boski. Fiddlededee ! who are you, sir,to speak, And to my face dare offer me this cheek ? Villi. One whom his disappointment hath made bold, Through your arrival by a rival sold. Gruff. (r.) Silence ! Villi. I won’t! but I'll speak up like bricks, "Them is the sentiments to which I sticks." Come to my arms, my Dinah, they shall bear you Safe through all danger— Gruff. , (throwing her round to R.) Get back, Miss ! how dare you ? Dinah. " I dare do all that man" — Boski. "Dare do." I know But the quotation's not quite apropos. (to Gruffin) Will she be mine ? Gruff. Of course she will. Villi. Pooh! pooh! Boski. What can it matter, I would know, to you! Villi. Matter ! (brings Boski: forward,then says tragically, ) Did you ere see a shipwreck, when a man Clings to a straw or anything he can, A billow of the straw his hands would rid, Did you e’er see this ? Boski. I can’t say I ever did. Excuse me, but at present I don’t see What this exactly has to do with me. Gruff. Pooh! pooh! don’t list to him, ‘tis getting late. And as for you, sir, mizzle! evacuate! Don’t let me see you more (bell rings) Ah that is well!! The tocsin of the soul," the supper bell ! Song and Chorus.—Air, "Suoni la Tromba' Gruff. For supper! for supper ho! Hot kidneys cannot wait, And you sir, will please to go Out by the garden gate! Ne’er, recollect, in here again Poke your intrusive head, Nor must you dare to love my daughter fair After what I’ve said—ah ! For supper! for supper ho! etc. Boski. (r. c.) For supper! for supper ho! Hot kidneys cannot wait— I’m glad he has got to go Out by the garden gate. Dinah. , (r.c. ) No supper! no supper, no! Hot kidneys for me may wait, For my love has got to go Out by the garden gate! Villi. (l. h.) No supper! no supper,ho! Hot kidneys for them wait, Alas! I have got to go Out by the garden gate! (All dance off, R., to the tune, except Villikins, who dances off L.

Scene Ii.—The Back Kitchen Enter Dinah, r. h. Dinah. Yes! they remain to sing and eat and swill. Still sitting there,altho‘ not sitting still While I am left all by myself to mourn My hard hard fate that’s hardly to be borne ! Ah me! was ever maid in such a plight My faith is clouded as the darkest night, Me naught but death from this curst match can save, Now ’ s a grave time for an untimely grave, " To be or not to be, that is the question.’ In what way I this hateful match can best shun— Aha! what’s that? yes, once again I seem To see the drama of this evening’s dream. What demon’s this, that deeming me his prey, Holds forth a bottle, while he seems to say, "Aha, Dinah ! poison—arsenic!” Pooh! stuff! To take that arsenic I’m not ass enough. What shall I do ? my mind is full of silly things ! What has become of thee, my precious Villikins ? Ha! is that a bottle there that I now can see, The label towards my eyes, or is it fancy ? I see thee still, and yet ’ tis very odd!—come, Let me clutch thee ! Gemini ! ’tis laudanum; "Drink! ” in my ears a horrid voice still cries on, And (spells)) P. I. S. O. N.—’tis labell'd Pison! I’ll do it. "I do rememember an Apothecary Whose little boy his drugs doth carry In a small basket—medicine for all ills, Black draught and jallap, castor oil and pills! To him I’ll go—by one draught I’ll be freed From all my cares — now for the dreadful deed! [Exit Dinah l. h. Enter Villikins, R. H. Villi. Where is my love ?—still in these grounds I sneak, Playing the exciting game of hide-and-seek Would I could see again my Dinah’s face, Till then for joy in my soul there’s no pla(i)ce I feel just like a landsman out a sailing, Or rather a sailor where he’s out a whaling (wailing;) Like an unfinished boot that’s rather old, My wound’s unhealed—tho’ I myself am sold. What shall I do! Ah! is there one who can " Pity the sorrows of a poor young man ? " I’ll pine no longer . No! I'll vengeance take On Baron Bumble—and him I will make Grovel in dust—let who will then be cranky, This do I swear—if I don’t I’ll be—(drum) thank'e! Song — Air, "Britannia's the pride of the ocean." Oh ! right on your hide I've a notion, My Baron, when you I can see I’ll put a horsewhip in commotion, When notes I compare, sir with thee! This man I hate—tho’ I did dissemble Just now when they all were in view, But ’ecod! won't I just make him tremble When I lick him till he’s red, white, and blue! Now to the garden—see if Dinah’s there; When I breathe vengeance—Bumble, beware! [Exit Villikins R.

Scene Iii.—The kitchen garden with a romantic view of the vegetables, &c. Enter Dinah, L., with bottle . Dinah. I’ve got the draught. I said the rats and mice It would destroy . Oh, my ! it don’t smell nice— Now all alone I’ll drink it every drop. Enter Baron intoxicated R. What noise is that ?— Baron. For me I pray don’t stop— My dearest Dinah— Dinah. Dinah ! yes I see. And rather worse for diner, it strikes me— (aside.) Curse on the interruption—what a bore! Baron. I left old Gruffin lying on the floor— He can’t stand wine, it gets into his head. Dinah. Pray don’t you think you’d better go to bed ? Baron. To bed! ha, ha! Dinah. (aside)Yes! tis my only chance! Baron. You don’t know what you now say—let’s have a dance. My dearest— (hiccups) does your mother know you’re out? But seriously-- don't waggle so about! Stand still as I do—steady now, like this— My dearest Dinah—will you give us a kiss? (attempts to catch her, and falls L. Dinah. Hands off! you wretch! and pause before you lay Your paws on me . Now just mind what I say. Baron. Mind you're my wife—or that is, will be— Dinah. Never! Now from your toils I'll free myself for ever! (drinks poison.) Baron. (looking helplessly on.) I say you’ve had enough—just stop! now there— As you’re a fair one drinking—pray drink fair. Dinah. A mist comes o’er my eyes —my sight grows dim. My father ! Villikins! could I see but him! My dream’s come true . Ah me! how faint I am, Tho 'tis a faint, I feel this faint no sham.I’m going—going—going! Baron. (rousing himself) Where ? Dinah. To die! Baron —I’ve sold you— Baron. What! Dinah. Ta! ta! good bye! (she dies. Baron. Ta! ta! Good bye! why, what the deuce is this, This miss lying here proves something is a miss. (stoops over the body Enter Villikins L. Villi. I cannot find her—ha! what's that I see ? The object ; of my search—and also he Whom most of all men I do wish to meet- Baron—ahem! Baron. (seeing him) Villikins—here’s a treat! Villi. What Dinah here! my love at last I’ve found My fear’s not groundless ! dead upon the ground. What can I do! in what way show my grief ! To pour forth moans is but a poor relief! No ! for thy death I will take vengeance sore, Though you’re no artist, I dare you to draw! Baron. What, fight with you!—ha! ha, a low-born fellar! You have no sword— Villi. But here’s an umbrella! Or stay, without your host I think you’ve reckoned, Stop—and I’ll get a good’un in a second (goes to wing and gets a combat sword. There is a neat one—now what shall it be— Over and under—or, a one, two, three ? Baron. The first we’ll have, sir, if it pleases you. (aside) About this broil, I feel in a great stew• Villi. Now then—to arms ! Baron. (aside) Oh lor! to arms ? ‘ifegs; I’d infinite!y rather he had said, to legs. Villi. Cut on! Baron. Cut on ! to cut off would be hard! Oh if my ma’ could see me now— Villi. On guard! (melodramatic music—they fight . There, take your breath— Baron. Thank ye, I don’t feel strong— Don’t you think this would do for to-day ?— Villi. Come on! (They fight. Baron is run through the body . Baron. O Villikins ! you’ve cooked my goose I know— I feel I’m going, where good niggers go; Yet what is this bout of fighting s been about, Upon my word I really can’t make out— If you think Dinah by my death to wed— You can’t—’cos why ?—ha! ha! because she’s dead! (dies, L. Villi. "Rest, rest perturbed spirit!"—‘tis too true— Dinah is dead—that’s one—and you are too. How did she die ? oh horror ! as I thought Her dreams come true,—she’d been and pison bought. Oh lips ! yet warm, with you this death I‘ll halve And my destruction shall be your lip salve Yes, in this bottle still enough remains At once to free me from all mundane pains— ’Ere I join thee, love, it will not be long. (is about to drink—stops.) Lor! I forgot I’m dying without a song. Song.—Villikins.—Air, "Sam Hall." On her this bottle small, Bottle small, etc. Of which she has drank all. Has darkness caused to fall And dimmed her eyes, etc. So she's dead! I cannot but surmise, But surmise., etc. That this bottle of small size, Closed in death, as she lies. Fast her eyes, etc So she's dead ! But now I prepares For this drop. etc. Death in the face me stares, And thus end all my cares, By one drop, etc. Now for it—here is some mistake, oh my! I got no one to speak to whilst I die! Oh,yes I have. Come hither, Bob, my friend, And play me some soft air—which air may tend To soothe this ear soon now to be at rest. Whilst I drink, play—you know what I like best Without slow music,leave this scene I couldn’t— Now play up, Bobby! (band strikes up "Charming Judy Callaghan." Villikins reproachfully to band.) Oh,I wish you wouldn’t. (the band plays "Villikins and his Dinah" very slowly. Villikins drinks poison and dies. Music, "Woodman,spare that tree." Enter Gruffin, slightly intoxicated and smoking a pipe, R. Song. —Gruffin.—-Air, "Woodman, spare that tree." Oh, I feel rather queer. And can hardly talk; It wasn’t the wine or beer, But that confounded pork. (very maudlin.) This was my father’s pipe, I’ve seen it in his hand— Why what’s the matter with me ? For I can scarcely stand. This is the state of man, to-day—quite thick, He bears his blushing honours like a brick At six o’clock comes dinner —jolly dinner, And when he thinks—miscalculating sinner— After the dinner he is all right full surely He takes a pipe,and feels uncommon poorly— And then he falls as I do. (falls.) Hey! what’s this? My daughter lying here—something amiss. Villikins, too—and Bumble ! Here’ s a diskivery ! It’s very cold down here, I feel quite shivery— I will getup, (tries and falls) No, I’ll try to sleep. I feel a sort of something o’er me creep. Baron! (shouting.) His shoulder’11 serve me like sleep's lap, And on this Bony part I’ll take my Nap. (rests his head on Baron's shoulder, sleeps,— Baron rolls over—Gruffin's head falls on the ground — Ghost music from the "Corsican Brothers.” The ghost of Villikins rises on one side, and of Dinah on the other side of Gruffin. Song.— "Corsican Brothers. ” Villi. Gruffin, Gruffin, After stuffing Dinner, in a trance done up. Dinah. Father, father, The cause rather Of my suicidal cup. Gruff. , (sitting up trembling and looking at Villikins. Oh., please don’t, sir, And I won’t, sir, Do the like, sir, any more; Fear I’ll smother. Here' another, Whom I saw stretched on the floor. (turns to sleep and sees Dinah. Villi. " Let me sit heavy on thy soul, oh, Gruffin, As income tax unpaid, or buttered muffin. Think upon me and let thy soul despair, When on dis pair it thinks, and may dull care Drive thee to madness, Gruffin, since in life Thou would’st not give me Dinah for my wife. My visits shall be neither far between nor few, The "haunted man’’ shall be a joke to you. Dinah. Dream on thy daughter, pison'd in her bower । Alive and kicking kicked within this hour The fatal bucket Oh! you may well turn pa(i)le, Since to my bier I’m brought who was so hale . But to haunt thee I’ll bind myself by. vows, Since when alive, you refused as my spouse, Poor Villikins ! The baron is now dead, so I Bid thee think on me, then "despair and die." (the Ghosts lie down again. Gruff. (starting up )—Give me another pipe. Where are my fuzees—where? Why, goodness gracious! ’twas but the nightmare. But there are ghosts here. Alas, there they lie ! Methought they both appeared, and said ’Twas I Who murdered them, and with this they did taunt me— The worst of it is that they're going to haunt me! And every night when I’m in bed undrest, These restless spirits will destroy my rest, Crying', Gruffin hath murdered sleep. But I will do ’em, I’ll just employ a little blarney to ’em. Alas, poor ghost! that’s the correct address— If I in life got you in any mess, Be thou a spirit of health or goblin damned, Ghost of Villikins. Don’t swear. Gruff. I didn’t! If I did I’m— Ghost of Villikins. Crammed ! Gruff. Oh lor., he heard me ! here’s a situation ! To appease him I’ll try an incantation ! Song— " Giles Scroggins Ghost." Gruff. Oh! Villikins, what can I do, Ri tiddy, etc. In any way to appease you, Ri tiddy. etc. If you were alive instead of dead, Ri tiddy, etc. You should my daughter Dinah wed, Ri tiddy fol, etc. Villi. Your promise give that if alive now. Ri tiddy, etc. I should your daughter wed, I vow. Ri tiddy etc. Gruff. So Mr. Ghost, you’ll quiet lie. Ri tiddy, etc. And not haunt me no more. Villi. (jumping up) Not I! Gruff Villi. Ri tiddy fol,etc. Gruff. But Dinah’ s dead, so that won't do, Ri tiddy fol,etc. Dinah. (rising.)) Papa, don’t you say what isn’t true, Ri tiddy fol, etc. And now a happy pair we’ll make, (giving her hand to Villikins.) Ri tiddy, etc. Gruff. Well my promise is gone—so my blessing take Ri tiddy fol, etc. Baron. (getting up.) But I forbid the banns! Villi. You’d better not, Or a real ghost 1’11 make you like a shot. Baron. Don’t mention it—if it’s all the same, To you I don’t mind giving up my claim. Gruff. Ah! that is well—now that we all are friends, Happily Villikins and Dinah ends. So let's within the house—no bed to night— We won’t go home till morning — Villi. That's not right— For there would be a damp on all our pleasure, Unless the house’s sense upon this measure You first shall take— (Baron steps forward—Gruffin pushes him back.) Gruff. Seniores priore —means That I’m to address their auresj from these scenes. Well, all I can say is— Villi. Nothing! that’l1 do . Gruff. My boy,you never said a word so true ! Villi. Kind friends in front—if not to quibbles blunted— (Although in front —pray do not be affronted) Forgive our faults—we’ve done the best we could, If we could do more, I am sure we would. If the piece pleases not, don’t blame us—for there Is a trifling personage called the author, Blame him alone—if blame you must, then do it Best in this manner he’s accustomed to it— If in your hands we read the word "succeed," Villikins Dinah. And his Dinah Villi. Will be glad indeed. Finale.— "Villikins" Dinah. All the world is a stage —a Shakespearian fact. Baron. And every one in it does naught else but act. Gruff. We’re players to night, you the audience part take. Villi. And your slightest applause will us most happy make. (affecting but concluding Chorus) Tu ral lal., etc . Curtain

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