{
    "dreamer": "b2", 
    "description": "Barb Sanders #2", 
    "dreams": [
        {
            "number": "3116", 
            "content": "(02/01/97)[\"I have the big gun.\"] I am on a beach. There is some group game going on where people run toward the ocean with guns. We had been trained by the army. Off they go and I am in my wheelchair and going as fast as I can, but in the sand, it isn't fast enough. The group arrives at the shore and fire their guns. They all run out of bullets just about when I get there. I take careful aim at the big boulders out in the surf and fire one shot from a huge pistol. I blow the boulders to smithereens. It's a large explosion. Now I go back to the sand to rest and play with Charla. We are hanging out together when some man picks up our backpack, with Charla's boots in it and walks off. I call after him. He drops it. I see the boots laying in the sand. I now want to return the gun to the army but can't find any army people around. I wander around and see a rifle in the sand. I return to where Charla is. We sit and the wind picks up until the sand storm is very powerful. I hold a pink cloth, perhaps a scarf up behind Charla to protect us. Now I notice street lights going by and see that I am now riding in the back of a pickup truck. My own truck. I figure Ellie my daughter got tired of hanging out on the beach and decided to drive us home. I try to look into the cab but the glass is difficult to see through. I see the shadows of four people. Two men and two women. Some punk teens had stolen my truck. I ask one woman to stop the truck and she laughs and says, \"Hey, I'm only the girlfriend.\" I sneer and say \"Oh, That kind of a woman huh?\" I turn to the ones driving and tell them to stop the truck. They laugh. So I pull out the big gun I still had and smash open the glass threatening to shoot. They pull over and get out. Charla and I get into the truck to drive away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3117", 
            "content": "(02/05/97)[\"Cute puppy/man.\"] A cute puppy is playfully coming toward me. He desperately wants connection. As I and he come together he becomes a man eager to make love with me. It is sweet and intense."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3118", 
            "content": "(02/06/97)[\"Packing the clothes.\"] I am in a bedroom. Charla has made a mess not putting things away and I begin to clean up. We are visiting someone's house and maybe the next day we will be returning home. I open the three bottom drawers of a dresser and start to organize things when it occurs to me to start packing early. I find many pictures Charla and I have drawn and some pages of notes for my dictionary for the software. Under all that, I find a beautiful diamond pendent with my initial \"B\" on it. I remember my parents gave it to me. I decide to put it on. It looks very pretty."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3119", 
            "content": "(02/09/97)[\"Huge waves and violent man.\"] I am going to an audition or returning some clothes to an office. I am walking down the sidewalk in a city. I can't remember where the agency office is. I walk over the top of a station wagon car and it starts to move. I hop off and see that Curtis S. is driving. He is looking at me coldly and I worry he thinks I'm being a weird fan trying to get close to him. I try to explain my purpose but he drives away. So I walk on. I am going from building to building and I see huge white water waves coming up from the ocean. If I take the sidewalk I think I need to, I'll be sucked out with the waves. I go around the safe way. I find a door and a woman and I ask where the office is. She is unsure but walks up a very steep carpeted flight of stairs. She signals me to go with her. I point out I can't walk stairs and I will go around. I go around and find an office. I return the clothes and start to leave. I am walking down a flight of stairs and get to the door. I open it, by twisting the entire door and shoving it out. I see then that I would be walking in wet mud flats. This isn't good, I don't like that. So I start to go back u[p the stairs, again returning the door to it's proper closed position. Now a violent man with a knife has me. He threatens to kill me if I make noise or try to escape. I am afraid and do what he says. Now I seem to be a man and he wants to know if I am an IRS agent. Later he snarls, You're a lawyer, I can smell it. I taunt him a bit by saying which is it? IRS or lawyer? Later, he startles me and I fall grabbing onto his beard. It rips off in my hand like it is grass. I quickly put it back, trying to pat it back into place. He and I suddenly laugh because he had once said to me never touch my beard. Now it seems funny. We are almost friendly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3120", 
            "content": "(02/10/97)[\"Doing the right thing.\"] I am in an open area with several other people. This is a kingdom and the king and a woman are there. He wants me to do something and I do not want to do it because it is wrong. So I stand up and walk away, down a stairway path and around a curve and into another kingdom. The older king there likes me and he is honorable and I am honorable. There is a young man as well. And a woman like Kira of Star Trek. We do good things for the kingdom and they want me to stay but I feel the need to return to my own kingdom, and finish up what I had started. I return and they are still dishonest and I fix things and return back to the good kingdom for a visit. I try to maintain some distance with those three but end up in a bathtub (outdoors) holding hands with the old crippled king (who is in the tub with me, manual wheelchair and all) and Kira, who sits outside the tub. The young man, who I am very attracted to tries to move his face close to mine and I gently push him back and ignore him but he persists, I am happy he does. Later, Kira and I and another woman shower for a long time together we are good friends and have much to talk about to catch up on the current events of our lives. I realize I've been talking good things about the young man and he may be there in the men's shower (we are at a swimming pool.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3121", 
            "content": "(02/11/97)[\"Returning to work at Community College.\"] I returned to work at Community College. They have moved the Disabled Student's department upstairs on the fourth floor. I walk up the stairs, wondering if I should use the elevator. But I feel strong enough to make it. I see women working there that remember me and we talk. I am led to a room off in a corner which was used for storage. It is long and narrow but has a window and a nice oak desk with pigeon holes drawers in them. I say this will be nice when we get it fixed up. The students can use that end by the door for their support groups and connecting and I can use this desk for the paper work. I come back out and start to walk down the stairs but the stairs are steep and the steps are tilted so it is dangerous to walk on it. I am wearing high heels too. So I decide to find the elevator. I find it but can't figure out what to push. There are two metal plates with words on them. One is loose and keeps moving. I walk down the stairs after all, this time with no problem. I ask someone where my wheelchair is. I had left it on the second floor. I go where it should be and a play is going on. I sit at a small round table, Angel my assistant is there. Now I see that they are filming a soap opera there and Dylan has an acting part. And Tyler and other counselors are a part of the crowd scene. Apparently they do this every day."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3122", 
            "content": "(02/11/97)[\"Sexy cigarettes and anger.\"] I am in a room, maybe a hotel area. Dovre and I are hanging out watching TV all night. We are smoking and I really am chain smoking. I finish a pack and then pick up a pack called Lily Fields or Lilac Fields. It has a pretty flower with yellow colors on the pack. Obviously cigarettes made for women. I light one up and walk to a overstuffed chair in a corner and smoke. I pull in every drag I can. It makes me feel sexually excited and warm. I pick up the pack and read the back which explains that there are Phonemes embedded in the thing so that when I read the carefully coded words I will experience a sexually warm feeling. I like it and the cigarette is short and finishes up quickly. I keep smoking until the burning ember of the end is nearly on my lips. I then walk over to the sink to put it out. The faucet doesn't work right. I move the handle to the left and to the right but it never turns it completely off. Water is squirting up from the drain. I realize I have to turn a knob to stop the water flow and do that. The stub of the cigarette is now grass green. Now I go back to the chair and sit. A nurse comes in who apparently usually does the IV into a vein in my scalp or brain. She has a whole pack of men with her and she says she has injured herself and will leave me in the care of these men who do nursing stuff in the room across the hall. I don't like this and start to tell the man exactly where the vein is and it is tender and hurts. The man is sharp and cold. He says that part of your brain is dead. It can't hurt. I am furious and walk away saying I will call my Doctor. I will not allow you to touch me. The woman nurse shows me her welted and red swollen arm and she leaves. Now I am watching as a woman comes in very drunk. She won't take the treatment. Her brother goes in and comes out saying she won't listen to us. Only to Beverley. I begin to cry, angry and upset. Some woman asks me Will I fight for her? I feel put upon and used and tired. I cry and cry."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3123", 
            "content": "(02/12/97)[\"Candles that won't stay lit.\"] I am in a big room, maybe a hotel room. Charla is there. It is a family reunion. I look on the windowsill and see some small birthday cake sized candles. I decide it would be fun to light them. I tell Charla I like new fresh candles to burn. I light one or two and then the rest seem to start to light but fizzle out very soon. I keep relighting them. I look again at the ones on the window sill and realize they are under a wood sash and that is a dangerous place to light a fire. I blow them out. Now Corinne comes in as I am packing the candles up and cleaning the place in preparation for joining the family reunion, I ask Corinne who all is coming this year. My father comes in and mentions that later they are going to the radio station to hear \"Gulliver's travels\" being read. I say I wouldn't mind going there with you. He is surprised and says I didn't know you got that station at your place. I say I don't. I'm not interested in the content. I just am curious about how a radio station works. Then I change my mind and think it would be boring to go there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3124", 
            "content": "(02/14/97)[\"Driving the limosine.\"] Someone brought me a car. I look at it and am surprised to see it is a long cream colored limousine. I get in the driver's seat. Someone cautions me to be careful until I get used to the long size. I drive up a country road, mud and gravel and then turn, finding I can drive it with ease. It is fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3125", 
            "content": "(02/14/97)[\"The Rabbit Man.\"] I am in a bank. I want to deposit some money. I pull out the papers from my bag and see that it is very complex. I have to finish a needlepoint canvas they gave me before I can do the deposit. I am rushed for time and decide to wait for another day. We leave the bank, perhaps my daughters and me. They get ahead of me and I notice a man in a rabbit white face doing some street theatre. I slow down to watch. He comes up to me and kisses me. I then walk down the sidewalk and we talk. He thinks I am just a pretty girl but as I talk, he learns I am an actress, a writer, a videographer and so on. Now I turn down another street because I saw the green back of my van turn that way. I say goodbye to him. I walk a half a block and then see I was mistaken. It was some other vehicle and I return back where I was. I meet up with the Rabbit/man again. Now we are in his house in a warm room with beautiful woods used in the walls. We are taking a warm bath as there is water on the floor. We continue talking. He has a partner that joins us in conversation. I am building a big case for them using me as a professional performer and writer in their production."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3126", 
            "content": "(02/15/97)[\"Can't remember my Lines.\"] Lucy and I are driving to a gig. We pull off at the place we think the gig is supposed to be. We walk around looking for it, occasionally asking someone where it is. No one seems to know. I try to read my written instructions but it is faded and unclear. I say it must be right over there. We drive and suddenly see the freeway stops dead in it's track with a huge drop off to nowhere. We are startled and relieved we noticed it before we drove over the edge. We turn and find a place to stop. We sit down on the sidewalk to think about it. I suddenly realize I didn't rehearse or bring my scripts and desperately try to remember the ADA skit. Lucy is a bit upset with me. I say I even forgot the Evangeline hats. That really upset her. Now she wants to give up finding the place and going home. I say Katrina will be upset, what will she do? She had asked us to do this for a staff meeting. Lucy says she'll figure out something else. I want to agree but feel bad about not trying harder. I am mad at myself for not preparing better. Now a woman comes up to Lucy and sits on the sidewalk next to her. She asks if she wants a hit. I turn my head away saying no. But Lucy says yes. The woman lights up a marijuana cigarette and shares it with Lucy. But suddenly Lucy jumps up and yells get away from me. I am startled. I think that the woman made a sexual pass at Lucy.I see the woman's oddly blue-veined breast, exposed. But Lucy says \"You are Sister Mary Ellen.\" The woman leaves and Lucy tells me in a disjointed way that she was a media victim and this woman was a part of it and she is very upset with her. Another man comes by who was a part of that time and Lucy and he talk about it. Now we agree to return home. I pick up our red car and turn it around and place it on the fast lane of the freeway back home. I tell Lucy to hurry and get in before the oncoming traffic catches up. I drive away quickly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3127", 
            "content": "(02/15/97)[\"Moving bathroom.\"] I am walking down the halls of a school, maybe a University. I am looking for a bathroom. I see classrooms and peek in, and a library, but I know I am not a student here so I can't go in, even though it looks interesting. I find a tiny room, with the word Women written vertically on the wall. I open the door and am surprised to see it is a non flush primitive bathroom. Two smelly messy holes in the ground with lids and a small metal tub on the wall. I squat over the tub and pee. It stinks in there and the room seems to be shaking and vibrating and moving sideways. I wonder if I'm in an elevator that goes sideways. I reach for the toilet paper but it is very tough and stringy like packing tape and it is very hard to break into pieces to use. I get out of there as quickly as I can."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3128", 
            "content": "(02/16/97)[\"Bee Sting and smelly dog shit.\"] I am driving down a freeway and notice the traffic is coming at me. They are going the wrong way. I pull off on the left side of the road and get out. I walk down a steep embankment to a park area, very confused. I keep looking at the traffic and saying to myself, but it should be going the other way right? I look across the park and see the other side of the freeway and the traffic is going in the same direction as the traffic on my side. This is strange. I decide I have to go to the bathroom and walk down a path. I see many piles of dog shit and the odor is strong. It is smelly shit. Lots of bees are swarmed around it and as I step over the shit, one stings me on the leg. I call out One of them stung me. Then I see the rest are hovering over and around my leg and I can't shake them. I feel some fear. I try hard to shake them off and keep moving. I finally manage to shake them away and return back to the freeway. Now I see that some cars are going the right way but it is dangerous because there is still traffic coming from the wrong direction."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3129", 
            "content": "(02/16/97)[\"Directing a children's play and it all goes wrong.\"] I have been hired by an elementary school to direct the children's play. I sit on a high shelf on the wall, with two pillows under my buns. They keep sliding because the shelf is slightly tilted toward the floor. So I fight to keep my balance. On my left sits a young student helper who keeps getting in my way. The two young actors, a girl and a boy keep doing the first few sentences over and over waiting for my directions, but I am too busy trying not to fall off my perch and I can't seem to keep the directors notebook open to the right pages. I am searching for the purple or salmon colored pages of this particular play and can't find them. I ask for help and an assistant brings me text books and copies of the script for the actors. There is a crowd of kids on the gym floor where we are rehearsing, the other class members waiting for their turn to act. Two other kids, teens, keep getting on the stage area and I ask who they are. I am told that they are helpers. So I let them stay. They are putting props on the stage. A bicycle and something else. Finally I am very uncomfortable physically on that perch and say that's it for the day. I ask a passing teacher to give me a hand down from the perch. She is reluctant, thinking it would be too much for her to do physically. The assistant comes and I tell her to stand to my left and I will slide down, using her for balance. We do that. I get into my wheelchair with a sigh of relief at being back home where it is comfortable for me. I drive through a hall and find the supply room. I request a grade book, a lesson plan book and look over the various types of stenographer tablets available. I am tired so decide to get what I need another day. I find the exit door and leave. Now I wonder if there is a bus out here, since the school is out on Highway 99. I look back at the school and notice a small apartment room on the side. I remember that Claude and his wife used to live here and for a moment I contemplate weather to visit them or not, but I am too tired. I'll do that another day. I roll on down the side of the highway and see a bus up ahead. I go there and it is a greyhound sort of bus, not a city bus. I look at the murals of trees and bill board signs they have under a long canopy as I drive by. I keep rolling, thinking at least the chair won't get tired, if I have to go all the way back without a bus. Now I see an intersection that looks familiar but only it is different than real life. It is the intersection of H. and highway 99, which doesn't really exist. I think it is odd. There is a sort of shopping mall there and big rolling hills of asphalt. I see a city bus in the distance and start toward it. A woman says you can't get there in your wheelchair. I say oh yes I can. I turn right to an accessible tunnel I remembered was there. I get to the bus, which has a very high step that requires a sort of box elevator. I am waiting for the box to come down to pick me up. The attendant seems surly and unhelpful. So I play around with the buttons which I discover send signals to the dolphins inside that power the elevator box. They are plodding along so I switch the digital signal to a Wave code, which is more jiving and jazzy. This makes the Dolphins happy. They come quickly to pick me up. But it annoys the attendant a great deal. He grumbles and I sarcastically say Oh yes. It will be on the nightly news. Maybe the Mike Douglas news show. Does Mike Douglas still have a show I ask. Yes sir, Pabst Blue Ribbon beer proudly presents me messing with the controls. OHH my!!"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3130", 
            "content": "(02/17/97)[\"One last Fling.\"] I am in a room and have left two men recently who have cheated on me. The third one, Kevin Kline, is with me and I am breaking up with him. Another man, attracted to me, is near. I am sort of showing off for his benefit. I tell Kevin goodbye and then decide to walk him outside. We walk around the corner of the building and Kevin and I begin to make love, just one last time before he goes. He leans me up against the wall and I am helping him get his penis up in me. Kevin says let's go inside and find a room. I look around and see kids playing nearby and so on but I smile and say no, let's just do it here. It's too much trouble to go find a room. But Kevin insists. So we sneak into the dormitory. We peek into rooms looking for an empty one. We have done this before, and I carry a camera so I can pretend to be on a journalistic mission. We go into one room where several empty beds are there. One higher bunk does have an older woman sleeping in it. I point her out and we try to sneak back out. She wakes up, and wants to know what we are doing. So I say We heard you knew Dustin Hoffman and wanted to do an interview. She says yes, she did know him and would give us 15 minutes. I am surprised and not happy because I made up the Dustin story thinking it would be extremely unlikely she would have known him. We sigh and I pull out a notepad and randomly write down what she says not really caring. The sexual tension seems to be fading away. She says Dustin has always talked a lot. He talked all the time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3131", 
            "content": "(02/17/97)[\"An Angel intercedes and lovers meet.\"] Steve Martin is walking down a path. He is going to the military complex. A narrator is talking about how a path is taken or not taken and life changing effects take place. I see an angel, I recognize as a comedian but his face looks like Odo's of Deep Space Nine. He flies right at the oblivious Steve Martin which deflects him from his path to a side path that goes past a small university. There is snow on the ground. As he walks up the path, a woman walks toward him and as they are passing she says to him, I am a student nurse. Can I practice on you? Do you have a sprained ankle? Next, he is lying on the ground in some sort of metal casing around his chest and she is taking tests. She says she will bring him the results tomorrow. She leaves but Steve wants to see her again, as love is developing. So he follows her and finds a huge military room where troops are resting. She is seated with one of the troops. He wants to be alone with her, so he fakes a huge voice calling out orders for a parade practice. The troops groan, as they are tired, but they get up and in groups come marching past Steve waving their huge platoon placards. Each one is a shape of a mascot animal. Nearly all of them are out and Steve is wearing an odd parachute with hoses like tenticals all around himself and he is sneaking up to kiss the woman when the woman's father comes in. He is a high ranking official and demands to know what is going on. Steve tries to hide himself in a sort of rubber raft kind of thing, covering himself with those hoses and stuff. I am now looking out from that space as the officer searches all around me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3132", 
            "content": "(02/20/97)[\"Healing Clouds.\"] I am in a house. We are moving. I am going to live with my mother. I am in her bedroom looking for things of mine I left behind when I had moved out before. One of my daughters is helping me. I look at a rack of clothes and realize they are all my mother's and none are mine. I do find one old large purse that is mine. I look at some pictures on the wall. They are hers. I see some native American artifacts and they are hers. I say to my daughter, she has the real stuff. Mine was just trinkets. I see Aunt Naomi and say I look forward to us living together. She says I'm not living with you. I'll still be in Dover. It's too hot where you will be. She is seated in an open window and I look past her to the sky and am suddenly very impressed. Huge dark clouds contrasting with bits of bright light. A storm is brewing. I say to Naomi. Look. It is so beautiful. She does not appear interested and doesn't even turn her head to look. I watch in admiration as huge clouds form and billow out at me like a movie of rapid time frames. I say to Naomi. It's just like in the movies. Huge thunder clouds rushing and growing right down at me. Then beings come out of the clouds. One, a male being, comes right in the window and I back up, afraid. He reaches for me as I am pushed back against the bed. He touches me, over my heart. I realize he is healing me and I relax, happily, to his touch."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3133", 
            "content": "(02/21/97)[\"In bed with Howard, again.\"] I am in bed with Howard. He lies on my left side and he wants to make love. I feel uncomfortable but I don't move away. I am naked and lying on my back. He is cautious and asks me frequently if this is all right. I feel the old feelings of frustration, because it is like it was when we were married. He is trying to manipulate me into feeling sexy so I will consent to making love. I feel sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3134", 
            "content": "(02/22/97)[\"Writing again.\"] I go into a room. I see a writing pad and remember I want to write. At first it is tedious, but I get going and it is fun again. I realize I must write thousands of pages and just keep writing. To get to the good stuff. I am now looking for more yellow pads to write on. I go into another room and I see Nate. Another man is there also, who seems supportive of me. I roll out a very long measuring tape which is at least 4 inches wide and many feet long. I make a joke and Nate and I laugh. I am carefully rolling the tape back up which I see has many pages and notes attached to the inside of it and I don't want to wrinkle them or lose them. Nate asks me to tell him what the notes say but I tell him I can't manage rolling it up neatly and reading the notes at the same time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3135", 
            "content": "(02/23/97)[\"Caveman days and I fight.\"] I am swimming in a huge river. On the left are high rocky cliffs. On the right is an unending expanse of water. As I swim, powerfully, I see shapes passing me underneath. One looks like a body. Others are fish. I feel afraid that something will get me from underwater. In fact, something does. A sort of reptile man monster. We fight and I kill him. Now I swim quickly toward shore. The river is changing from the broad expanse to a narrow river more shallow with rapids. I find a beach and quickly run up on land and climb up a tree with many branches. I need to sleep there at night so I try to will the branches into a more accommodating shape. I manage it. Now I notice other cavemen in the tree. I am wary, but not afraid. Now a man from modern times, an scientist doing research comes by me. He offers me a dead carcass of some animal and I build a small fire in a paper cup. I roast the meat and eat it. He talks to his colleges about me. I do not speak. They observe me. I get out of the tree the next morning and walk around. A woman scientist says to me to be careful. There are more of those reptile monsters over by the cliff and they are unreachable and dangerous. One of them comes toward me and I point to the sun and make a gesture. He doesn't understand me. I am trying to say that when the sun moves this much, then 30 minutes have passed. He finally understands. The woman is impressed that he and I are communicating in a friendly manner. They want to continue researching me but I decide I must go on and continue my journey. I dive into the water and continue my swim. Only now it is a walk down a hilly path. A male narrator is telling how I walked until I found the city and a freeway which I had never seen before. I see the city ahead of me. Perhaps New York City. It still stands after all those centuries after the nuclear war."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3136", 
            "content": "(02/23/97)[\"The baby elephant types.\"] I am in a house and I am moving, or thinking of moving. I remember I have a whole wing of rooms I never go into. When I move, I'll just scoop up all the stuff and put them in boxes. They must not be needed stuff, because I never go in there. I try to remember now many miles I am from Dover. I figure out 50 miles until the interstate, then two or three hours south to Dover. I must be in the next state to the north. I figure I am about equidistant from M. and Dover. I go outside to get the mail. I walk up the lane. I see a large mailbox. Each neighbor has one too. And at each mailbox stands a large elephant. It is the elephant's job to bend the mailbox, open it and bring the mail to it's owner. I look again and our large elephant is a tiny baby one. Very cute. I wonder if he can manage the large mailbox. The mailman drives up and puts the mail in the mailbox. I watch as the tiny elephant wraps his trunk around the box and bends the pole so the box is down by the ground. He manages quite well. The mailman says and this mailbox is 5000 pounds. I am impressed. Now my sister Lydia wants to type a letter. She calls the elephant over. She types on his little side and then he goes over to the computer keyboard and using his trunk types it into the computer. But then he refuses to let me retrieve it. Now I am back in the house and Charla is preparing to go out. I ask her what she's going to do and she shrugs her shoulders. She doesn't know yet. A boy named Doug wants to meet her at 9:15 and go on the train to the zoo or someplace fun. I make the arrangements for her. Then I see Doug sitting in the living room waiting for Charla and Charla is leaving. I ask her where she's going and she says to summer camp. I'll be back in an hour. I decide to walk to Dover and then return here so I can go to M. I begin walking down the lane and then realize what a waste of energy and time that is. I'll go to M. and do the Dover thing later at a more convenient time. I walk around to the back yard."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3137", 
            "content": "(02/24/97)[\"How assertive are you?\"] I am in a building. I am going to teach an English Composition class. It is 8 o'clock, time to start but none of the students have arrived. Even Burt Lancaster, who usually is on time. I wait a few minutes and then decide to go upstairs to the classroom and start class. If no one shows up, I will cancel the class. But at the last minute, the students show up and I teach. Now I am traveling down a road, a very straight and narrow road looking for a small town in the mountains. I don't remember it's name, but it starts with a T. Maybe Times. I guess I find it as I am now teaching a small group in assertiveness. I am in some room. I go around the circle. I ask each person what percent of their time do they behave in an assertive way. One woman says three quarters of her time. Another says not very much. One man refuses to answer. I hems and haws and says \"I don't know,\" I get very insistent and will not go on until he answers me. Finally he grudgingly says Not too much. Then he asks me for my answer. I think and then say, Three quarters."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3138", 
            "content": "(02/25/97)[\"Japanese Exchange students.\"] Two Japanese exchange students are with me for a weekend. We are in a house and discussing what activities we could do. One of them pulls out a handful of packaged cold cuts for sandwiches. Each package is flat, has exactly enough slices in it for a sandwich. A paper china plate is in the package to look good. One package he eats very strangely. He buries his mouth in a lump of the food and gulps it down, making lots of noise. I find that curious. Now we are in a room and the room has water in it, like a lake. We are in a boat and a Japanese man is showing me a device, a square metal black thing with buttons on it. If I learn to look through it properly I can see what is under the surface of the water. At first I simply see water as we speed over it. Sparkly silver ripples. As I learn to look correctly, I see the bottom of the room under the water is covered with electronic devices, much like the one I hold. I exclaim in surprise. My \"dad\" is there and we agree we'd like to spend more time together. We go to Aunt Millie's apartment so we can spend the weekend together. Charla is around somewhere."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3139", 
            "content": "(02/25/97)[\"Addicted to meds.\"] I am upstairs only its not a full building. Rochelle gives me some chewable tablets. Licorice in flavor. When I have them, I am OK. I can walk around and function, but I run out. I try to walk downstairs to find Rochelle, but I can barely walk. I am trapped and desperately addicted to those tablets. She gives me some more and I rush back upstairs. Rochelle pushes my hand and makes me drop the bottle they are in. I desperately try to retrieve them from the floor and cut myself on the broken glass. Rochelle looks at the wound because I say there are bits of glass in it. She probes deeply and I see the muscles under the skin. I tell her to stop. She is cruelly being too thorough. I beg for more. She has cut me off."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3140", 
            "content": "(02/25/97)[\"Learning too late.\"] Cary Grant and I are prisoners in the same ward. I am on a couch and he has a tiny white picket fence house. We are compatriots, trying to help each other in this difficult place. I am distraught and in my tiredness knock papers off the couch and I try to retrieve them He sees this and comes over to help. Now I am walking down the street of my ward looking up at the houses with violent inmates in them. I hear an announcer describing a horse race. Suddenly the crowd groans and the announcer says that Cary's brother is killed.. The men turn on Cary and accuse him of killing his brother. He freezes up and won't speak. I intercede and yell He didn't do it. Cary is now backing up the street and I am approaching him, walking, as I accuse him of being afraid. He finally yells yes. I am afraid, angry at being forced to admit his emotions. Later I am seated on my couch with two women relatives. I am explaining to them that I understand now. I draw a picture of lines going into a center column and then coming back out and going in a curve to the right. I say I get it now. You put in energy and experience and knowing the right way comes out. Cary comes over to me distraught and hands me a business card. It has a picture of him and me in outline form and he is blacked out. He walks away from me toward the doorway. I excuse myself from my relatives which was a brave thing to do and follow him saying what does this mean? It means he is going to commit suicide. I beg him not to. I have finally figured out the way but he is slipping away. I am losing him to the violent prison world."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3141", 
            "content": "(02/27/97)[\"Walking from California.\"] I am at a V. family reunion. We are in some house. People are arriving and we are greeting each other. Then they take their food dishes into another room. I see Darcy wearing a perky beret hat. We chat surface things. I see Aunt Charlotte. Some of Dale's kids. Finally, I go to join them in the other room only to discover they have already finished eating and hardly any food is left. It is all packed up to return with them and people are saying their goodbye's. I am quite amazed. I comment that usually people would come and eat for hours and talk and linger over coffee. But everyone seems briskly intent on getting this over with. I forage around looking for some food, as I am hungry. I find a few packages in a large glass cupboard, like you see in a florist's shop. Now I am walking back home, which apparently is in my state and I apparently am in California. I am walking down a long straight country road. Sagebrush all around. I am a bit worried because I am going a new route. I am headed for L/, my state. I come to a tiny town and find a road sign. It says 44 more miles to the my state border. I decide to take a bus the rest of the way, since I am confused about the route. I have to go to the bathroom and ask a woman at the bus depot coffee counter where one is. I look around and find doors, but not one that indicates it is a restroom. She points to one behind her counter but says it's for employees. I am adamant that I must go now. I use it. It is very small and I pee into a narrow metal container screwed into the wall. I get on the bus and it is very crowded. I see some empty seats ahead of me, near the middle part of the bus and rush, like all the others are to grab one. The seats are facing long ways toward the windows."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3142", 
            "content": "(02/28/97)[\"Where's my meds?\"] I am at work. My office is a couch in a hallway. I suddenly realize that the woman who assists me hasn't been to work for days. And therefore, I haven't been taking my daily medicine that I am supposed to take. A woman from down the hall comes over and I ask her what happened to my assistant. She says she doesn't know. It is lunch time and she invites me to go have lunch with her. We walk down the block to a small conference room. It is open to the public. I sit at the conference table and several other women come in and join us. One of the women is my assistant. I am surprised to see her and she says she will be back into work tomorrow. She takes me into another room and hands me two bottles of my liquid medicine. I drink down a small cup of the red medicine. I wonder if it was harmful not taking my medicine those last few days."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3143", 
            "content": "(02/28/97)[\"Fords Have Gone Out of Business.\"] I hear an announcer saying that Fords have gone out of business. Their sales are down and maybe in a few years they will try again. I am surprised. I have a Ford and I need to do some errands. I walk to the barn it is in and notice my left knee hurts very badly. I am limping and crying. Howard seems unconcerned about my pain and does not offer to help me drive. I get into the driver's seat and notice that the ford van is now just a metal frame with a steering wheel and a seat. I try to drive forward with great painful effort but am blocked by piles of boxes. I back up, trying to avoid the children's toys scattered on the floor. I turn left to drive down a steep wooden ramp. I narrowly miss more children's toys and make it outside. I am crying with the pain."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3144", 
            "content": "(03/04/97)[\"I smash the evil magic woman.\"] I am a woman in a house. Another woman is trying to feed a baby girl. I pick the baby up and feed her. She has two teeth and doesn't suck on the bottle nipple but chews it. She still manages to get the milk. The other woman is surprised. Apparently the baby girl belongs to a third woman who already has three teen kids, two girls and one boy. And then she had this baby, years later. I am sort of her. She is exhausted. She goes to a narrow cot bed and tries to lie down. She remembers she needs to set the alarm. She calls the other woman in to help her plug it in, thinking she can't reach the plug in socket. She looks again and sees it is easy to reach but she is so tired she lets the other woman do it for her. Now she lies down. But the other woman comes in crying. She says the magic woman has fixed it so that the older three children no longer understand they are her children. She is devastated by this and sobbing. I get angry at this injustice. I see a naked brown man, a tribal person, being manipulated by the magic woman as well. I see his penis which is bell shaped, the tip the open area wide and oval like a cow bell. The other woman says she even put a spell on the Aztec totem. I see a wooden cupboard door open and a large Aztec clay figure floats past. Now the magic woman is trying to put a spell on me (the sleeping woman). She/I am upset at her and make the bed raise up and float at her in an attempt to smash her into a plate glass window. I hit her and the window does not break. The magic woman smirks at me. I back up and try it again. I still can't break through the glass but I am managing to roll my bed over her up and down which is flattening her into a paper doll. When I have her flat enough, I light a match and burn her up. She looks very shocked I was able to accomplish this."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3145", 
            "content": "(03/05/97)[\"Begging Ellie to stop.\"] Ellie is going from man to man in this building asking each one if he will travel with her so she can go to this place she wants to go. She is sexy and flirty trying to get what she wants. I am very upset and follow her around. I had tried to stop her and convince her she was putting herself in danger. She would not listen. I am very sad. She is turned down by this one young man (I think they are all military men) many times. I beg her to stop. She is making a fool of herself. She is determined and ignores me. She goes to another man and this time he says yes. He obviously sees this as an opportunity for some free sex, just as I had worried they would. I walk up to them. I say, passionately, I will be blunt. My daughter is young. I have warned her about getting pregnant and getting sexual diseases, but she won't listen to me. Please don't get her pregnant. I cry. He looks at me sympathetically and promises he will not harm her. I turn and walk down the ramp to the outside. I walk down a path as I cry."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3146", 
            "content": "(03/08/97)[\"Howard Again.\"] Howard and I are traveling on foot. Perhaps someone is chasing us. But we stop at a beautiful waterfall and pond. We swim and it is lovely and fun, except there are alligators in the water. We get out and Howard combs my hair for me and puts it up in ornate braids that have purple cloth covers on them. We companionably walk down the road. We are in the mountains and are looking for a trail or dirt road that will take us back down to the valley to my home. We see a large double trailer truck pass by and decide to follow its route. We find a way down the mountain but we get separated in a town. I don't know what the name of the town is, so I'm not sure where I am in relation to home. A parade is happening. It is on a large long train that passes through the center of town. I can't cross the street to continue my journey until the train finishes and that will be hours. I ask someone the name of the town. I think I am in Connecticut. A car is uncoupled in the train for a few moments and I take advantage of this luck and run across the street. I continue my journey and find home. Now it is the next morning and I get up. I walk out to the living room and am excited about it being Charla's birthday. I want to make a special breakfast for her. She comes up to the house, which has the front wall gone. It just opens out to the lovely countryside. I see Howard outside playing cheerfully with the kids. Ellie is there with Charla. I say to Charla that I am going to make her a breakfast and she is crabby and rude and says she doesn't care and doesn't want it. Ellie defends her right to choose. I am hurt and go into the kitchen, slamming the door and then crying as I set the table and make the breakfast anyway. I come back out after I have calmed down and Howard is there. I look at him. He is in his early 20's, a young, lean good looking man. I rearrange my hair and notice the ornate multiple layering of the braids. I am impressed with his tender skill and thoroughness. He wants me to sit in his lap and cuddle. I wonder why we haven't had sex and then remember I can't bear to have sex with him. I am reconsidering this as he seems so sweet and tender now. I wonder if we could be happy together if we tried again. I sit in his lap. We hug."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3147", 
            "content": "(03/10/97)[\"A Physics Award.\"] I travel to a college sitting in a tiny cubicle that is an outhouse, along with a bunch of other tiny outhouses on a trailer. It stinks bad. While at college, I meet some distant relatives, apparently three children of Esther she had after her other family grew up. It is now the end of term and I am trying to remember my M. phone number to give to my new cousin. I remember 475-2266, which doesn't seem right. Then I remember 475-2907. He writes it into a directory. Now we, a crowd of people are getting ready to travel home. I see the outhouses and start to walk over to them. But I change my mind and decide to follow the lead of another of my new cousins. And walk there. Now lots of people are leaving, I guess friends and family members of the students. They walk through the swimming pool. Now an awards ceremony is happening. The woman president of the college calls my cousin's name. He is in the outhouse trailer and doesn't hear. Then they call my name. I have won an award for excellence in Physics and mathematics. I am surprised but walk up toward the front to receive it, because it is my understanding they will do a presentation thing. I see my cousin and tell him. We go up front but by the time we get there, they are wandering around and the ceremony is over. I see that my cousin won his award for excellent playwrighting. He wrote a play called Act III. I tell him I am a writer too. I have had some of my work produced in Dover and in E. I then tell him I probably got good at math and physics because I was married to a physics student and had to learn the language so I could communicate with Howard. We are preparing to walk to M., when someone says Peter, the father of one of my new cousins may be visiting soon. I think that would be interesting. Maybe we'll get along and have a relationship, since he is more my age than these young students."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3148", 
            "content": "(03/12/97)[\"Dovre Drives Badly.\"] Dovre is driving the car. She is driving very fast and passing a truck. She is passing on the right side and very soon we need to turn left. I am apprehensive and upset with her. I call her names. I call her stupid. She pulls back and slows down so we can make the turn."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3149", 
            "content": "(03/12/97)[\"Little girl prostitute.\"] I am sitting in the driver's seat of a car. But we are not moving. A man is annoying me. I watch as another man is given the choice of having a thirteen year old prostitute. He shrugs and says sure, why not. I am very upset with him and think he is immoral and insensitive. I am angry. I want to protect the girl."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3150", 
            "head": "03/12/97", 
            "content": "Returning to M.--Why?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3151", 
            "content": "(03/12/97)[\"Waiting.\"] I am waiting for Patricia to do something and the time is long. I lie down on a bed and a small boy, maybe about 10 years old, maybe 12, comes up on the bed and is waiting with me. We play some game for awhile and it is boring waiting so long."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3152", 
            "content": "(03/11/97)[\"Packing for the Convention.\"] I am going to a conference. I am packing what I will take. I keep finding more things to take. I look at the pile and decide to take out a very large writing pad, because I already have a smaller one. I remove something else. My mother is trying on a pair of my birkenstocks shoes. She wants them. I think about giving them to her, then I decide to keep them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3153", 
            "content": "(03/16/97)[\"Fire and incest.\"] I am in a bedroom. I am supposed to make love to Willie so that I can have his baby because Willie is dead and that will ensure he continues on. I feel quilty because he is a cousin and this will be incest, but it is important to do. I wait for him. Later, I am waiting for a man, but it's not Willie. I don't know who he is, but he is older, and it isn't OK. Maybe my \"dad\" or an older married man. Later, I am changed into Elizabeth Taylor and I am waiting for my married lover, who is older than me. I look out the window and see him with his male buddies swimming in the river. He is a risk taker and is up to his nose in the deep water. I feel some concern for him and also admiration for his bravery. Now he and his friends are walking up a steep hillside path. At the crest of the hill, he sees a raging brush fire. He turns to escape and they run as fast as they can, but the fire jumps ahead of them and they are surrounded. Fortunately, they find a place where the fire already burned so they are safe. But the fire is eating through the wooden wall of the shelter they are in. Now the flames are men's hands as the Fire \"men\" come into the house. They see a fire in the fireplace and join their compatriots. They go up the chimney and try to start more fires outside."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3154", 
            "content": "(03/17/97)[\"Where's the other kitties?\"] I am in a house. I am preparing to pack a few things and go on a day outing. There are four sweet fuzzy kitties. One is white, one is yellow, calico and black. My three daughters are there, as children. I lose track of the kitties because of the preparations. Howard is there also. I pick up the white one. He looks like a fuzzy white slipper, All white fuzz except for the bottom which is a smooth leather with two plastic button eyes. I look around for the other kitties, suddenly concerned. I hadn't seen them for a few days. I ask the girls if they had seen them. They say no, they hadn't. Howard hadn't seen them, either. Now I am worried. I search for them hoping they haven't died from neglect. The phone rings. The university wants to make an appointment with Howard. I say OK, Thursday at 1:00. I hang up. Howard looks up at me and says, but I wanted to stay home with you, because I love you very much. And I wanted to be with the kids. He then realizes the little boy has wandered into another room and he goes to get him. He comes back out and the project he was working on falls apart, because he accidentally kicked it. It was a sort of pumpkin with glue on it in white drops where other melons had been attached. We never do find the other kitties. Now we are in a car going out to the country to find Howard and Jacquelyn Kennedy, in the white house. Howard has something for them. Recent floods caused the river to come out on the road and we are driving through it. Howard is driving sand I am worried it will be too deep and we will get stuck, but we successfully get through. We find a small house were we now live, only four houses down from the White House itself. Later we drive out into a field to have a picnic and I look back to see the white house which is oddly set among a series of old west type buildings. We get to the picnic and I open a huge package of hams. We put three on the grill. I wonder what we are going to do with all the other ones. I hope they don't go bad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3155", 
            "content": "(03/18/97)[\"The Disembodied hand.\"] I am a man who is looking down into a big room full of musicians. Someone gives me a clarinet. I have never played one but I seem to know sort of where to put my fingers. Another man is on my left. As I am trying to play the clarinet, I feel a hand pushing me. It is on my back, up near the shoulder. I sort of see it from another perspective so that I can see that it is a disembodied hand, a big white one. I feel very uncomfortable about this. I blow air into the clarinet and the note is sweet and clear. I fumble more with the fingering. I see my big fingers stretching to reach all the holes. The hand is somehow trying to help me, perhaps, give me an encouraging push. Now the rehearsal is over and I go down into the big room. I find the leader and I tell him I've never played before. He is impressed with how well I do but also somewhat distant. He shows me how to screw the sections together more tightly and shows me a few fingering positions. I practice it. The feeling is I will be very good after I have learned how to do it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3156", 
            "content": "(03/06/97)[\"The Mac House is all different.\"] I arrive at the Mac house to visit my parents who still live there. It is all changed. I walk up the front sidewalk and am amazed at the size of the tree in the front lawn. It has overgrown the lawn to the place that the whole lawn is covered with this rich canopy of leaves. I go in and am surprised to see how much the inside has been remodeled and changed. I go from room to room, exclaiming at how large the rooms are and how many more there are. I tell my father I can't find my way. I can't recognize the original rooms and where they were. I enter my parent's bedroom which has a huge dark wood bed frame. Now I am in the kitchen, where the kid's tables have a special place behind the cabinets. I see the large plate glass windows and beyond I see the ocean. I walk out on the patio on the right side of the house. Dwight sees the ocean and says I wish that that had been there when we lived there. Now Dwight introduces me to a friend of his. A nice man. He walks into the next room and sits at the piano. He plays a blues song. I like it. He also plays a sax. We get along well. I like him and he likes me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3157", 
            "content": "(03/07/97)[\"Loving Paul, sad black woman.\"] Paul Reiser and I are a couple. We're in a small narrow kitchen, trying to fix a breakfast out of the mess on the counter. We are in love and want to do kind things for each other. A teenage boy runs in, loud and rude. Paul tells him to go on home. Get out. Paul is annoyed but still pleasant and tolerant. The boy leaves and Paul and I are feeding each other tidbits of food. The boy comes in again and we repeat the process. Some other person knocks and walks right in. Paul becomes amorous and kisses me. I like it and respond. Now Paul and I are lying together on the floor and Paul and I are sexually excited. I murmur, not here. On the floor. He says, Yes. Here. I say, but people keep coming in. He is kissing me and I give in because it all feels so good. I love him and he feels so sexy and good to touch and be touched. I grasp his hair and gently pull him closer to me. A black older woman in a wheelchair is wheeled in by her son. They see us. I am concerned she'll be shocked and get up and go to her. I look into her face and say It's all right, we're in love and enjoy each other. She looks at me sadly. She says but some people don't get that in their lives. I realize she is lonely and sad. I hug her and we have a long caring hug. Then they leave. Then I hear noises and go to a large open window which opens out to a roof ledge. A large crowd of Paul's friends are trying to sneak up on us. They are laughing and having fun. I see Paul outside, down on the ground and one of his friends is next to me. I tease him saying, Ha, Ha. You didn't surprise us! He laughs. It all feels so loving and fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3158", 
            "content": "(03/22/97)[\"Where will I live?\"] I have to move from an apartment and I meet Bill. He shows me a tiny one bedroom cabin I can rent. On the day before I am to move, I go to where Bill is rehearsing a project. His assistaant. is there. I remind Bill of our agreement. He is surprised and upset. He is still using that room to write scripts and so on. I say but we had an agreement. I have no other place to go. He reluctantly agrees to let me move in although he will still be there to finish his work. Later, I show Dovre, who lives with me, a cute photo cut in the shape of a crown and a valentine of Bill at his 50th birthday party. I point out Derek, and his new girlfriend. Derek is in a laughing pose, his head thrown back and a big open smile on his face, like a photo Howard took of Dwight years ago. I point out to Dovre the plain wooden boards the cabin is made of. There are bare nails half hammered in. It is very primitive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3159", 
            "content": "(03/25/97)[\"Darcy and the incest.\"] I am at the V. farm. I am outdoors. I see that Aunt Rosalie, Darcy and her family are camped out down in the pasture. They have been there for a while. We had been waiting for them to come to us. I realize that I will have to go to them. I walk down to the pasture. I talk with Aunt Rosalie. Darcy joins us. I realize that now is a good time to ask them about the incest. I say, in a hesitant tone of voice, I need to ask you a question. It may be distressful for you but I don't know what else to do but ask it. Then I ask Darcy is she had been incested and does she know if I had been incested. Darcy and Aunt Rosalie are pleasant enough. Darcy says Well, actually. There was no incest. I feel oddly uncomfortable about that. Then she says, It's just that my father had some lessons for me to learn. He was teaching me. I then smile, thinking aha. She is in denial. There really was incest. I feel relieved to finally have the answer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3160", 
            "content": "(03/26/97)[\"Hiding in a closet.\"] I am walking down a road with many people. These are my French friends and they are fleeing the enemy. I am a photographer, with a tiny camera. Other people hand me their tiny cameras and ask me to take pictures of them. I look to see where the on button is and so on. I take a number of photos. Then we are rounding a corner when I look back up the road and see the enemy soldiers coming after us. I race over to my friend and yell, they're coming. They begin to panic and run. In the confusion, I run and hide in a closet. My original intent was to hide the camera so the pictures would survive to tell the story but by the time I am in the closet, I hear the massacre outside and I say hidden, to save my life. I knew I could not save them. After the Japanese soldiers leave, I go out and see all the dead bodies. Two boys apparently survived, one is disabled. I take them with me as I sadly walk back to the gas station in France which my French friend had lived and worked. I am gathering up his papers to keep for remembrance sake. I find a scrapbook where my wedding announcement is pasted in it. It is hand written in calligraphy, like my birth announcement I made for one of my girls. It says Barb Anders. Then I see the partially obscured photo of a baby, which looks like Dovre's 6 month old picture. But it is the boy. I burst into intense grieving sobs and cry deeply. I am overwhelmed with my loss of my friend."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3161", 
            "content": "(03/29/97)[\"Hiding again.\"] I am teaching a class of 5th graders or so. One uppity girl and two nearly delinquent boys. I like the boys. I work hard to help them. Then I leave. At the door, the boys hug me goodbye and one sticks his head under my shirt and is sucking on my skin just below my breasts. Now, I am walking with a girl, maybe Charla. I look ahead of us and see Yankee soldiers being chased into the woods. They are running through a shallow river. I and Charla are in a building, hiding and I make sure we are not able to be seen and I yell a warning to the soldier who used to be a student of mine. This attracts the attention of the other soldiers as I knew it would. Charla and I run up the stairs where it comes to a platform and a choice. Another flight of stairs going down and a ladder going up to a small ledge by the ceiling. I know it would be more likely I should go down the stairs which will lead to outside and I can run. But I choose to go up the ladder thinking that they will assume I went down the stairs and then I will be safe. I feel doubt about the wiseness of my decision. Nevertheless, we go up the ladder and lie down curled up and wait. The soldiers run up the stairs and others run up the other stairs. I hear them talking about whether they have seen me or not. Some look up and I think they see me, but they all go away. I go on now, alone. I had parked my van over night in some empty lot and I walk there to retrieve it. When I get there, I am upset to see that vandals have stolen things. At first, I think nothing is wrong and then slowly, I notice one thing and then another. Four flat tires, the steering wheel is gone, the front seat upholstery is gone. I see my mother's violin is there. I am relieved at that. The pretty rocks my two school boys found are gone. That saddens me. I see some things lined up under the wheel well on the rear of the van. Evidence. I begin to walk back to downtown to call the police. I feel stupid for leaving my van over night where a rock concert is held. Just asking for it. But I am glad that not any real valuables are missing. I walk and see the big city core of buildings across the huge river. I see the water is high and rapid. I walk along the edge of it, on the sidewalk, a bit worried I will fall in and be swept away. I continue on to the city, looking for Monroe street. Now I am back in the school room to tell the boys and the uppity girl about their rocks being stolen. I want them to know I am proud of them, because I can see they have made important changes She is less up tight and they are more responsible. I feel pleased."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3162", 
            "content": "(03/30/97)[\"My family destroyed.\"] I have returned from somewhere, maybe I have been at war. I am trying to connect with my family. I am walking down a long narrow hall with doors. I'd open a door and walk through, closing the door. Over and over and over. I get word from some man that my grandfather is now living with a General. He is having a homosexual affair. He is not interested in connecting with the family. Then I find out my \"mother\" is having an affair with some man and is gone. Then I find my little \"sister,\" who is 13 years old and naked. I see her budding breasts. I am upset with her and try to talk her into getting clothes on. She laughs at me when I tell her that men come through this hall and some might rape her. She shouts out the word rape and laughs. I race down the hall, going back to find my grandfather. I open door after door and never find him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3163", 
            "content": "(04/01/97)[\"Observing life as a couple.\"] I am struggling hard to walk on a steep embankment. I am concerned that I did not choose the right way to go. The soil is sandy and it keeps sliding under foot, making walking very difficult. I see that if I slip and fall, I will land in a dirty water area. That would be bad. I look up to see if it would be better to walk on the high ridge of the bank. No, that isn't good either. So I continue walking. Suddenly I see that I have made it. I walk into a city area. Right in front of me is a road. On the right it is a deep canyon and on the left, it is flat and a regular street. So I turn left and walk down the street. I look at the shop doors. I am looking for something, but all I see is a mission and a post office. Now, I am transported into a domestic scene. I am seated on a couch watching a couple as they manage their daily routines. Four or five cats, half grown kittens, gray and white spotted ones, hop around me playfully. I go into the kitchen and watch the couple. I am very aware that I live my life as a single person. This is what it is like when you live as a couple. I feel envious about their happiness at being together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3164", 
            "content": "(04/02/97)[\"Doing workshops.\"] I am visiting Ginny. I am in bed. I am sleeping next to Ernie. It is comfortable and friendly. We hold hands. The next morning, I am making changes. Ginny is helping me. I am moving some things around in my house and packing some things. Now I am giving a lecture at a workshop. There are 6 people in the audience. Two on my right, two in front of me and two on my left. I move a rectangular table with uneven sides, like a half of a hexagon, in front of them and begin my lecture. I am reading Italian from a big beautiful book. My accent isn't very good and I work hard to do a good job."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3165", 
            "content": "(04/06/97)[\"Visiting Hector.\"] I am in Mexico City to visit Hector and his family. I fly in an airplane and feel quite comfortable. There are fewer stops this time I notice. I arrive and his sisters pick me up from the airport and take me to their house. It is late at night and I am remembering that I did go to the Doctor's office before I left to get the stomach pills to ward off The Terrible Tourista. Sickness. I am taken upstairs to the sister's bedroom where a third small cot has been set up for me. Hector isn't anywhere around and I expected this. I am happy to notice that I feel fine about this unlike the last time when I was angry. I am determined to enjoy this trip and not make the same mistakes I made the first time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3166", 
            "content": "(04/06/97)[\"Hector's Mother.\"] I wake up the next morning and go to the kitchen where Hector's mother is cleaning up. I look out a big window and see a large river running right by the apartment. It is flooding and overflowing its banks. I am talking with his mother about how nice and spacious the kitchen is. This is obviously her pride and joy. I look down and see that the river has risen up so much that it is flooding the kitchen and I am standing thigh deep in the water. I am surprised it isn't cold and then I realize that I'd been standing in it for hours and have grown used to it. Now Hector's mother and I go for a walk up some stairs. The apartment is in the same building as this small city. I see \"Jose\" who sort of is an older Hector, but is sort of a younger Hector's father. We chat. Hector's brother's are there, doing business in the city. They wear nice business suits."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3167", 
            "content": "(04/06/97)[\"The Man Helps Pack things.\"] I need some help packing up some things and bringing them to my big house. A young strong man is helping me. He is very efficient and strong. I watch him as he picks up heavy things and easily loads them into the van. Now I see a tiny black kitten who had his back legs injured and is recovering. I pick him up and hold him, petting him. Now it is time to take the things to my house. We drive to my house which has a large double door entry way. The doors are open and some friends had been doing a garage sale there. I notice a rusty boiler. The man tells me he will not work for me tomorrow as he had earlier agreed to do. I realize he is flirting with me as we are attracted to each other so I simply shrug my shoulders and say OK. I walk into the house. I am now holding two tiny black kittens, one well and the other recovered from the injury and still limps. I release them in the house so they can romp around. They scamper upstairs. Charla is up there playing. The man brings in some boxes and things and puts them down. He and I look at each other and he smiles. I respond with a smile and he walks over to me and hugs me, kissing me in a sexy way. I warm up to his advances. Just then the door bell rings and I go to the door. Jock, Melinda and two more people come in to visit. I wish they would go away because I want to make love to this man. So I ask them in and tell them to hang out in the kitchen, I need to find Charla. I and the man go upstairs to find the kittens and Charla. It is a very large house with spacious rooms and we go from one to the other looking. I see Charla in her bedroom playing with toys. I see the kittens. The man and I kiss again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3168", 
            "content": "(04/07/97)[\"Behind the scenes.\"] I am at a rehearsal but I am only an helper. It is an unusual position for me. The director is upset that the person in charge of maintenance isn't doing his job right and there is no toilet paper in the john. Also there is stuff left in the wrong places. Sparky is around somewhere. I have a notebook, maybe the scene lines, so I can help actors rehearse. I tell myself to try to stay in the background and not foist off my loud attention getting personality onto other people."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3169", 
            "content": "(04/08/97)[\"Fired.\"] I am being fired from my job at community college. I am upset about it and want to fight the decision. I talk to some woman who is surprised that I was fired. I explain I was told that the reason I was fired was that I needed a special permit card and my circumstances didn't allow me to have one. She says to me but that's not true. I have a special card. Because I am a friend of community college and a girlfriend too. This means that she has several relationships with community college and she shows me a plastic ID card community college issued to her. I walk to an office to talk to the woman in charge. She is Rosie O'Donald and is taking care of her baby as she works as an executive. She doesn't listen well as she is distracted by her baby. I help her wrap some things but that doesn't help the situation. I need to go to the bathroom. I see a small bathroom and ask permission to use it. She says it has no toilet. So I go down the hall and I hear my Aunt Naomi who is teaching children their letters and sounds. I pass that room by and find the restroom. I go in and see the toilet which is hanging on wires and swinging back and forth. I sit on it but the swinging won't stop. A girl comes in and stands near me. I am concerned I will spray urine out onto her shoes as the toilet is simply a swinging bowl that is hanging above a cement trough. Bicycles are hanging up on the wires as well. People, families, wander in and out."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3170", 
            "content": "(04/09/97)[\"Howard leaves and I'm glad.\"] I am in a house and Howard and Bob H. comes into the house. I am packing or organizing a mess in one room and Howard comes in, angry and says he will leave. I smile and say good. I want you to leave. He is upset with me and I am relieved he is finally getting out of my life."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3171", 
            "content": "(04/10/97)[\"I play baseball.\"] I am an 11 year old girl. I am walking into the park. I see a group of boys playing baseball. I see a girl playing with a hockey stick down the sidewalk. I have a hockey stick and challenge her. I keep winning the puck away from her. She is frustrated. I walk on and see a group of girls getting ready to play baseball. The coach, a man, sees me and asks how old I am. I say 11 years old. He walks me to a clear spot and throws a baseball at me. I hit it with the bat and it is a long good hit. I am now on the team."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3172", 
            "content": "(04/10/97)[\"I'm packing, eating and planning.\"] I am at a house, apparently my \"parents\" house. I am asking my \"Dad\" about some plans I am making about some group event. Dad is busy setting up his music festival. He has reams of paper on the subject piled up on the file cabinets. I see food on the table and dish up a full plateful of pasta and sauce. I am not hungry but I overeat and feel stuffed. I am packing my things to go back home to work on my plans."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3173", 
            "content": "(04/11/97)[\"Alone in a spaceship.\"] I am alone in a space station for 300 days. A man, Howard, really, comes in. We kiss. I am chewing gum and we French kiss. I feel his tongue but the kiss doesn't feel good, or complete. I feel alone and isolated. Now I leave with Howard, I am a bit disappointed it is Howard again, but we leave. We go to a funeral. It is for my \"dad.\" As I am walking down some steps to the room where my \"dad\" is laid out in state, I hear people exclaiming in wonderment and people crying from surprise and happiness. I realize my \"dad\" isn't dead after all, or came back to life. I go into the room and try to hug him. When I lean down to kiss his face, I notice that his face is covered by a plastic box like a take out sandwich would have. He looks tired but glad to be alive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3174", 
            "content": "(04/12/97)[\"Archie and I dance into love.\"] I am in a kitchen. Archie is there too. We begin to dance in a Contact Improve way and we are sensually making romantic love while we dance. It is sweet and tender and exciting. I hop up on his waist in the front and he leans way back and we balance while twirling around. It is wonderful. An older woman comes in and she is confused about something that happened in a class or group I was teaching, probably about dreams. She is asking questions and I am trying to explain to her as best I can. Now apparently Archie and I are in love and living together. We are always together, intertwined. A small sink is next to our bed, in my room. Each morning I get up and I see globs of blue toothpaste in the sink from Archie brushing his teeth and not cleaning up after himself. I am annoyed but I also feel fine about cleaning it up for him. It is a loving gesture. A way to help him. I scrub it out, then brush my teeth. We are going back to our work, and Archie says I love the morning ritual you do. I love watching it. I giggle wondering what he meant. He says I am quick and efficient and do the same thing each morning. A man comes by. There is some problem at work that Archie and I and the man need to fix. His wife Mabel Wynia sent him a noodle and cheese casserole to feed us during the work. I feel pleased that she knows I am there and wanted to help me too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3175", 
            "content": "(04/15/97)[\"Playing the violin.\"] I am in a quartet of violin players. We are standing in a row on a lake beach, very near the water. Across the lake is a huge cliff which has seats or bleachers in them for the audience. To my right is the orchestra being directed by a famous director, a man. I work very hard to play as perfectly as I can. I can feel my little finger brushing against the other finger like it has a hangnail or a sore. This could throw off my playing but I concentrate very hard and manage to play very beautiful music that the director is pleased with. I win the contest."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3176", 
            "content": "(04/18/97)[\"Moving again.\"] I am looking at a site in Dover, or rather the outskirts of Dover where I may build a house near where Ginny and Ernie live. I see the house in the distance, with lots of windows and skylights. It looks nice. But I am a bit worried about how far away I am from the center of town. It will take longer to run my errands. I am on a bus for awhile and then I am walking and Ernie is riding a horse. We are talking in a friendly way. He reaches down his hand and holds mine. He asks me if that is OK with me. I nod and we continue talking and moving slowly on. It is a friendly and supportive moment."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3177", 
            "content": "(04/22/97)[\"The Agonizing Place filled with Love.\"] I am kissing and hugging Howard. It is affectionate and loving. I am also keeping an eye on another man in the background that I am interested in. I think I am trying to get his attention so he will see I am an approachable woman. I think to myself but this is pleasant to be in the place of agonizing and feel so loving and loved."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3178", 
            "content": "(04/24/97)[\"Sexy hippos.\"] I am in an old big house. It's a bit run down. Some man keeps coming in with small gifts. I guess he broke something and is trying to repay me with things I had said I wanted. He gives me a china tea set but as I look at it more closely, it is rather coarse thick china with chips in it. Now he's at the front door and I go there and he wants to fix my electricity problem out on the porch. I try to tell him I don't need all this, it isn't necessary. He keeps on doing it. I think he feels guilty. I see a path and call to Charla. I say let's go for a walk and go see the sea lions. She and I walk up the path which goes up a hill. It parallels the coast line so on the left is the ocean. We get to the top and look out over the edge. I see many sea lions out in the ocean. Now lots of other people are coming to see too. They bring radio station equipment and platforms for stages and so on and very soon my view is cut off. I walk around the area trying to see over or past the booths and platforms. I see a weight lifting contest being set up. I find a small place where if I get very close to the edge, I can see. I look and somehow I can see from underwater. I see two hippos. One has the others little curly tail in its mouth and is pulling it backwards toward himself. It is a female hippo who wants to make love to the male hippo. I chuckle. Then suddenly, the male hippo is up the cliff and coming at me. His huge mouth with all those teeth is right next to me and I am trying to crawl and roll away. He has me in his grip and is rolling over me. I am afraid I will be crushed and injured or killed. He seems to want to make love to me. I squirm away from him and walk back down the path, wondering how I can manage all this without my wheelchair."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3179", 
            "content": "(04/25/97)[\"The disabled man stands up.\"] I go to the office of Bob T. to get an opinion and some advise. He is in a wheelchair. He is pleasant to talk with and very supportive. Merle is around somewhere. I leave and then need to return and ask him some more questions. I go down a school hall looking for his office. I find what looks like the right place, but none of the green doors have labels on them, so I don't know which door is his office. One door opens and a person walks out on crutches. I figure this is his office and I go in. I turn and see him standing near me. No wheelchair and he is very big and tall. I am surprised. He apparently can stand and walk a bit, like I can. He smiles and sits close to me. Another woman and her friend sit close by and the four of us are in physical contact we are sitting so close together. Our knees bump and so on. I am aware of the contact with Bob. He seems attracted to me and I to him. It is friendly and pleasant. Now I am in a room with my two daughters, Paulina and Ellie. I am cleaning up my things and want them to help carry some of the dresses. Ellie is not interested in being helpful. I am a bit annoyed with her. I look out the window and I see many black whales lying down for a nap. They are above the water line, and are nose to tail thick. Hundreds of them. I then turn and decide to boat down a water way thick with sea lions. I go fast and then turn to go back. I slow down, concerned I will hit a sea lion because they are just under the surface of the water. The water has brown spots of sea weed in it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3180", 
            "content": "(04/29/97)[\"Making Masks.\"] I am sort of working for a movie company. I am trying to get on there, so I volunteer to do things. A very busy harried woman is in charge. She has been given the order to create an unusual bit for this part of the movie. She is stretched beyond her limits and can't seem to think of a way to do that. She is trying to create a mask. I try to help her. At first, it isn't working at all. I am trying to crochet a row out of a waxy candle like material. It keeps crumbling. I then get the idea to curve the mask to the shape of a face, more pointed and narrow at the base, like the chin. I try decreasing stitches and then for the next row to increase stitches. It is still difficult but is working better. The cotton thread is coarse and very black. Somewhere in this dream, Howard is seated on a bench right by me, companionably hanging out with me. It was a friendly feeling. Now the boss wants the woman to create a whole new little scene to put in the movie. She can't come up with an idea. I have one but she isn't listening to me. I'm just an \"extra.\""
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3181", 
            "content": "(04/30/97)[\"Howard says No.\"] I am in a huge house, where I the children and Howard live. There are many rooms that I never go into. We just don't use them. We are cleaning up and packing, apparently to move or to get ready for the new business to move in and use some of the space. Howard is coming down the stairs and I am going up the stairs, each of us have a pile of clothes and things in our arms. I begin to think about us getting back together again. It seems friendly enough, maybe we could make it happen this time. We smile at each other as we work together to organize and clean this big house. Later, I say to him, I've been thinking, maybe, I mean, I know it would be impossible, but maybe we could reconcile and be together again. He smiles gently and says no. I defensively say well, I know it's no, but I was just thinking about it. I remember thinking to myself just before I said anything that I can't believe I'm saying this. I shouldn't be saying this, because then maybe it would happen."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3182", 
            "content": "(05/05/97)[\"Bill Cosby's Unusual penis.\"] I see a naked black man in profile. He is in some argument with a white man. They are standing facing each other, the black man in a more defensive position. I am curious and look down to see if I can see his penis. It is long and thick, and hangs straight down. Then as I watch, it begins to snake around and I see that the tip is like an elephant's trunk, sniffing around. I think the black man is Bill Cosby, in his younger days."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3183", 
            "content": "(05/10/97)[\"Lance and Howard.\"] I see Lance and I rush to him to hug him. I am very happy to see him. Then quickly I remember he is not being a good helpful husband to Paulina and I begin to lecture him. I tell him he reminds me of Howard and that makes me sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3184", 
            "content": "(05/18/97)[\"Out of control in the snow.\"] Ellie is driving the car. I am in the passenger seat. Snow is on the ground. She drives to the back of the house and says look at that hill. I look. It is a very steep driveway going down. I say be careful, back up so we don't go other the edge. I am referring to the cliff in front of us. She tries to back up but we start rolling forward and we are now headed down the steep driveway, sliding and out of control. I am tense but somehow, Ellie manages to keep control enough so that as we are racing 100 miles per hour over the landscape. It is a wild ride but somehow I know we are going to be all right. We finally come to a stop near a restaurant and we go in to have a cup of coffee or something to soothe our nerves. Paulina is with us. She was in the back seat of the car during the ride. We go in and in order to get up to the level where a table is, we have to climb up on a white toilet seat as our first step up. The water is overflowing and I gingerly try to place my foot so it doesn't get wet. Then I have a very high step to make up a sort of water slide thing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3185", 
            "content": "(05/20/97)[\"Making Love To Mom.\"] My mother comes to me and wants to make love. I am unsure and feel uncomfortable. She lies on top of me and I can feel a penis. There is no feeling of sexual excitement, only a numb uncertain feeling."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3186", 
            "head": "05/22/97", 
            "content": "Jerome's eyes"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3187", 
            "content": "(06/01/97)[\"Smothering the baby.\"] I am involved with teaching someone about relationships. They aren't getting it. I explain that it is not ok to smother a baby with a pillow. A teen boy is around."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3188", 
            "content": "(06/02/97)[\"Beautiful Music.\"] I am playing an instrument that is sort of a cross between a violin and a guitar. I am intuitively flinging my fingers around and manage very quickly to create beautiful music. The frets are broken into three sets of areas that create different octaves of sound. I am very pleased with the music. I smile."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3189", 
            "content": "(06/02/97)[\"Japanese Concubine.\"] I am a beautiful Japanese young woman. My mother is encouraging me to flirt with the men officials. They are military men and my mother is acting like a geisha Madame so I can warm them up and get military secrets from them. She is making a prostitute out of me, or very nearly. An American man, like Clark Gable comes and is attracted to me. and I to him. He is very distressed with the way my mother works me. We are leaving to have our own life. We love each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3190", 
            "content": "(06/02/97)[\"Tickling Ernie's Feet.\"] I am seated in an overstuffed easy chair and Ernie is teasing me. He stands up on the back of the chair just above my shoulders and then sits, draping his ;egs down over my shoulders. I tickle the bottom of his bare feet. He laughs and we giggle, having fun. Later, I am walking down a hall. I see Howard in another room and he comes out toward me. I am a bit surprised because he is dead. His face is white and quite round. I smile and say I've been meaning to ask you a question. He waits. I say, Was it the National Merit scholarship or the Rhodes scholarship you got? Or both? He says both. I say well, they realized just how smart you were. But then maybe they took the Rhodes one back, because no one can have both. He is very pleased that I acknowledged how smart he was. I say good bye, realizing I was luckily to catch him and ask this question, since he is dead, but just not all the way gone yet."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3191", 
            "content": "(06/03/97)[\"Sheep's Feet: Eaten Alive.\"] I am watching as two large dogs are gnawing on a live sheep's feet. I am horrified and scream at them to stop. I try to rush at them or distract them. Nothing works. Someone else is resigned to the inevitability of this but I am sick with disgust and sympathy. I empathetically feel their pain. I see the feet are gone and the leg muscles up to the mid-calf are down to bare bone. The dogs never let up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3192", 
            "content": "(06/03/97)[\"Packing To Visit Paulina.\"] I am packing my clothes into a bag to visit Paulina. I have trouble finding something that will fit. I have gained weight. I look at the dresses. They are all halter top summer dresses. I don't want to expose my fat and flabby arms. One black dress will do, but just barely. I am frustrated."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3193", 
            "content": "(06/03/97)[\"Paulina Comes To Me.\"] I am going to do a performance and then I will catch a plane to visit Paulina. Another woman and I are to read some of our writings to a small group of people in a room. I am frantically looking for my book I read from. I can't find it. Now it is my turn and the people, who are standing up in various parts of the room are waiting. I talk to them as I rifle through a book looking for my place. I am charming but I can't find anything. I apologize and give up. I go back stage to call someone to get things ready for the trip. I can't use the phone because the next act is a rock band that uses a computer modem hook up with their act. Time is ticking away and I can't seem to find the man who can get me to a phone. I go looking for him and find myself in a tiny boat just off shore of the island we are on. The water is very rough and choppy. I am worried. I can't imagine trying to return to the mainland over this difficult bit of water. I then look again and see the tide has gone out and the water is gone. I ask someone to pick up my boat, with me in it, and put me on shore so when the tides return, I'll be safe. Someone does that. Now I walk back into the building. Finally I realize it is too late. My plane left at 12:30. The rock band is done and I try dialing. I can't remember who I was to call. Maybe Dr. M. for permission to go, no. Maybe my mother. No. Maybe Paulina. Then I turn and see that Paulina is there. She had used my unused ticket and flew to visit me. I am happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3194", 
            "head": "06/08/97", 
            "content": "Howard is dead. and leaves"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3195", 
            "content": "(06/08/97)[\"Not much to eat.\"] My mother is visiting and we are hungry. I go to the refrigerator to get something to eat. I look around the shelves to discover we have very little food. We have plenty of eggs, lettuce and carrots. Nothing else. I guess we have to go to the store and replenish our supply. Then I remember we still have canned goods and soups in the cupboards."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3196", 
            "content": "(06/08/97)[\"Fast and wily baby.\"] I have three children. A girl, about 8 years old, a boy about 2 years old and a young baby. We live in a city that is all indoors. We have two places we live. We are traveling from one place to the other. The girl is argumentative and not helpful. The boy is active and having fun. The baby is always sneaking away from me and popping up in odd corners. The baby keeps changing shapes as well. At first it was a normal baby. Then it was a small rag doll. Then a toy. I am angry at the girl for not helping me watch the baby. I am frustrated with not being able to keep up with the baby. At one point, the baby in the shape of a small doll was caught in a corner behind the wall like it was in a mouse hole. I had to wriggle it free. Then it bounced off to get into other mischief. Now we decide to travel back, on foot to our other place. We meet a male neighbor and the girl is talking with him. I am concerned that she is so unconcerned about talking with strangers. I come out to supervise. We return to the first place and I do a visual check to see if anything is amiss. I see three places where I left things on. The toaster nearly burnt something near it. I comment that I could have burned the house down."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3197", 
            "content": "(06/10/97)[\"Multi-colored Charla.\"] I am crying, very upset and hurting. Charla is being disrespectful and making me angry. I insist she go to her room stay there until she can be respectful to me. She laughs at me contemptuously. I angrily walk back to the tasks I was doing, maybe in the kitchen. I am still crying, feeling great pain and overwhelmed by all I have to do. I go back to check Charla. She is taking a bath and I am furious. This is goofing off. I told her not to do anything. Her hair is full of shampoo and I grab her roughly by the nape of the neck and I slap her and shake her. I am aware I am out of control and doing and saying hurtful things that are wrong but I can't seem to stop. I feel guilt and am driven to continue. Charla is arrogant and doesn't stop pushing at me. I am washing her hair and as I look more closely, I see many different colors of hair. It is dyed pink, purple, blue, and other bright colors. I ask her why she did that. She shrugs her shoulders and says because she wanted to."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3198", 
            "content": "(06/11/97)[\"Swimming up to Air.\"] I am swimming in very black, dark water. Some person, perhaps male, is with me. It is necessary to dive through a cavern where we will be underwater for no one knows how long. I am afraid but it must be done. I swim strongly for what seems forever and finally break the surface, gasping for air. I had reached the edge of my endurance. I see some brightly colored plastic objects floating near by and grab several to hang on to help me stay afloat. I swim around a circular shape. I am safe now"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3199", 
            "content": "(06/13/97)[\"Howard wants me to come home.\"] I am exhausted and lying down on a raft like wooden thing. Howard is sitting by me on the left, He is gently but insistently trying to talk me into coming back home with him and living with him. I can barely talk I am so tired, but I keep saying no every once in a while. I am interested in a man over on shore, off in the distance. He might be an interesting relationship to explore. Howard is sad but he know she has no chance."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3200", 
            "content": "(06/14/97)[\"Flying, Aliens and a manual wheelchair.\"] I I am in a mechanics shop because my van is broken. I am waiting a long time and the owners seem to be watching me very closely, but from a distance. It makes me nervous. I pace up and down, pretending to exercise, but really trying to keep an eye on these strange people. Finally, after many hours, I am now waiting in their living room. The boys are in there too and they watch me suspiciously. I notice I am now in a manual wheelchair and I pop a wheelie, balancing on the back wheels. This impresses the boys very much. I seem to have gained some power by impressing them. I keep doing it. Now the living room furniture has been removed and the boys are setting up a game for a contest. Three large tin cans are piled one on two to form a pyramid. A long line of these clusters of cans go down the center of the room. I am now in another room where a TV screen is in the wall and is playing Star Wars. A food table is set up. These strange boys are watching me. I begin to wonder if they are aliens. I get worried and nervous. I find a moment when they are not looking and sneak out and down the stairs to the shop. I look for my van and finally find it. It is all changed and I get in. The aliens are on to me and I must hurry. I am excited and a bit scared. I try the key and am able to get it going. The faster I go, the more the van rises up in the air. I am flying. The aliens are in pursuit. I have to work hard to keep the van above the tree line. I look ahead and see a mountain range. I keep forcing the van higher and make it over the mountains successfully. I call in to a small town airport and tell them I know this is strange, but I am flying a van and don't know how to land it. They give me instructions and I made it in safely."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3201", 
            "content": "(06/24/97)[\"Long time wooing.\"] I am some jungle primitive woman, shy and careful like a deer and also a royal person, a leader of my tribe. There is a group of men who are after me, to steal me into their tribe. There is one man, not of their tribe, or my tribe, who is very attracted to me. But when he approaches me, I shy off and run, thinking he is like the others and means to entrap me. He is incredibly patient. He repeatedly waits in the clearing and very slowly approaches me. Gradually, I allow him to approach, as I am also fascinated and attracted to him as well. But the bad guys keep breaking through and use the advantage of his attracting me to try and capture me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3202", 
            "content": "(06/21/97)[\"Hurting Myself.\"] I am in a log cabin and outside is a big burly bear throwing himself against the cabin wall, trying to break in and get us. A man, maybe my brother Jake is standing near the door, a screen door, trying to shut it against the bear. Now I am crying, because I must spread melted butter on my left hand. I think that ritual is because I must spread the butter on someone and I am unwilling to hurt someone else so I am forced to do it to myself. I resist but I must do it. I am crying at the awful brutality of having to harm myself, to save others. Now the bear is coming and I must hide. The only place to hide is inside an old wood burning stove. I crawl in backwards and am soon coated with the cold dead ashes of a previous fire. I feel sad and cornered."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3203", 
            "content": "(06/26/97)[\"Hiding in a crowd.\"] I am in a large warehouse sized room, which is very crowded with people. There are some bad guys around and I am using the crowd to mill around in as a way of hiding. Then I get braver and am organizing a talent show. I am performing and becoming more prominent in the crowd. Now I am in danger because they can easily find me. I run out the door and they chase me. I flap my arms and start flying. I have to think myself higher. Then I think to fly without flapping, or I'd get too tired. The sky is clear and blue which is bad because I'm an easy target now. They are shooting arrows at me. I take off my sleeveless white blouse and use it as a sail, attaching it to a stick (I just happen to have with me) It also conceals me so I am a bit safer. I think up a cloud and go into it to hide."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3204", 
            "content": "(06/27/97)[\"Swimming and my nodules are easing up.\"] I am in a swimming pool. It is crowded. A man, sort of Nate and sort of built like Michael, the German that Dovre likes. He is very friendly and we chat. I get out of the pool and we are standing. He comes up to me and we start to hug and kiss, it is getting sexual. Now the scene shifts and I am in an apartment, supposedly mine. I wake up and look around to discover that the landlords have been remodeling. I walk around and see to my surprise my bedroom is empty and gone, another tiny room has been added and an odd high platform I assumed would be the frame for a bed mattress, but it would be too high for me to use. I am annoyed and upset that they would come do this without even asking or telling me. I go outside. I walk down the street. No now I am in another house. I am sort of the house mother person. A man named Warren comes up to me and chats. I realize he and I had danced at some costumed ball and didn't at first recognize him. Now I see a TV film crew is setting up. They are doing a documentary on me and my family and how we do dreams together. I remember about my dream software and want to tell the director about it so we can talk about it when being filmed. I walk over to a small group of men who are busy talking about setups and shots and so on. I try to get their attention. They ignore me. I get more insistent. Finally I hear the director say to the others that they are not really interested in hearing from me. I see an outline of the topics and line after line says Law. They will do a quick sound bite about me and the kids sharing He then turns his brightly red scarfed head away from me. I say to him, \"Fuck You.\" I turn and leave the room. I am very angry at them for ignoring me. A woman comes up to me, very close into my face and says that she wanted to interview me a bit for the 3:00 segment. I tell her about how the men treated me and how angry I am. She listens patiently and then says she will massage my left leg. I say oh no, please don't touch it. I have very painful nodules there Too painful to touch. She takes down my ugly green sock and pulls up my ugly pants leg. She begins to massage the area very gently. I am surprised it doesn't hurt but a little. She says. They are softening and going away. I am glad for that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3205", 
            "content": "(06/28/97)[\"Floods and counting my pills.\"] I am in a house. I look out the back window and I see the water, a vast body of it, lapping right up to the window sill. I remark to some woman that it is calming and pleasant to have the water up so close. I then wonder what would happen if it rose any higher. It is raining. I go to the kitchen to find my pills. I have found some but they are huge round chewable ones and I'm not sure which ones I should take. I am now trying to replace a bottle cap and can't find the right bottle. Someone says The water is rising. I hold a milk carton, a quart sized one, in one hand and I go to the room where the window is. I see the water pouring into the house from under the window sill. Someone says we have to go higher and we all grab for whatever belongings are near us and go up the stairs to the attic. I walk the length of the house going from room to room. I think to myself, Ah, one room for women and another room for men. I open an old closet cupboard and see old world war I uniforms there. Musty and dusty. I go to the other end of the house and see some dishes and a tiny sink. I look for a small refrigerator but don't see one. I guess the milk will go sour. I go to the back room. The windows are covered with brownish tan colored shades that are nailed shut. I then look out after finding a place to peek. A long ditch is being dug by the towns people. The water seems to have receded somewhat. I am encouraged. But then the waves swell and the people in the ditches are covered over and struggle to get above water. They do. I look around the small room and see a pipe with a stream of water coming out of it. This is not good. I call for the man who comes to, look at it. Now I realize the floods have taken the house off its foundation and we are floating out to sea. I look out the window and see that we are scraping over dry land to get there, but we are floating anyway. People on the sides are shouting encouragement. One man yells look at me and is shooting a shotgun at a bird to show us how to hunt for the right bird for food. I wonder how long we will be gone."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3206", 
            "content": "(06/30/97)[\"Valentine cards at the wrong season.\"] I live in a kind of boarding house. My mother is the \"house\" mother. I walk downstairs. I am now sitting on a couch and trying to weave or knit something out of a soft creamy white yarn. A man sits near me on my right. He's kind of a nerd, like Charles S. of high school and a bit like the Charles I met last year at the conference in California. He seems friendly and I am not particularly interested in him. He comments on my yarn project. I show him the stitches and as he looks at them, he leans very close, and we keep brushing against one another innocently. I stand up and walk into the kitchen to find something. He follows. I see a candle is leaning too much to one side and try to position it more upright. He says Why don't you take a picture of it? As though it looked interesting. I sigh and say no, but then I change my mind and say what the heck. I go into the living room and pick up something thinking it was the camera. I am surprised to see it is a package of Valentine cards and I wonder out loud why I am addressing them at this time of year. I put them back and sit on the couch again. A woman is seated in a chair on the right. I ask do I know her? She says she thinks we were introduced. I say I don't remember you. Are you sure you didn't move in after I went away for a month? I then say I am the house mother's daughter. Oh, she says. So that's you, eh? Charles is near by again and suggests we look for the camera. I get up and go to a dresser and look around on the top. He points to a huge green plant hanging on the tall brick walls. He says I am surprised this cost $6 dollars. I say Really. Isn't it fake? He agrees it is fake."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3207", 
            "content": "(07/06/97)[\"Yelling at Ellie.\"] I am trying to be supportive of my girls (they are 13 years old or so). It is a school function, like boy scouts. I get into a line and Ellie is being a noisy impolite pain. I am trying to ask questions of the women who are running the thing. They are at a table handing out information. One of the women reprimands me for being noisy and disruptive. I am now very upset. Insult to injury, after all, it was really Ellie's fault."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3208", 
            "content": "(07/06/97)[\"Timisfailure.\"] I remember some specific words, but no actions. Bubellie, and a man named Timisfailure"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3209", 
            "content": "(07/08/97)[\"Rescued and scared.\"] I am on a small box adrift in the oceans, having been abandoned. A man is out there also, on another raft or box. I have drifted away from him. I have been out there for days. I am in deep exhaustion and fear. A shark or something big and dark is following. All it has to do is bump the box and spill me over and eat me. I see a dark fin rise in the water. It is near. Then it becomes a dark submarine. I slither from my box onto it and pound on the door yelling at them to help me please. Finally a crewman hears me and opens the hatch. I am now down in the submarine and in bad shock. We are walking down the narrow hallway of the submarine and there is water flowing in it up to my knees. I am terrified of the dark fish ;like shapes I see in the water. The captain is now there, sort of Kelsey, the actor from Fraiser on TV. He soothes me and I slump up against him hugging him for security. He is tender and understanding. We end up in a set of small rooms. His rooms, but they are sort of cute and domestic, curtains and a tiny kitchenette table. I am warning him that something is waiting for him down there, maybe the enemy submarine. We are becoming friends, respecting each other. Romance is a possibility."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3210", 
            "content": "(07/15/97)[\"Showering with the girls.\"] I see my dream mother who is very tired. She has been working very hard. I say come on into my room and lie down and rest. She does. I walk with her and after she is lying down, I decide to change my clothes. I go to the closet and see lots of hangers laying down in a row blocking my way to the clothes. I manage to reach through and get a dress, my purple sleeveless jumper. I am looking for a blouse too. I realize most of these clothes I'd gotten at Good will and didn't recognize them Most are too small for me to fit into. I am interrupted and I decide to walk across the long hall and change in the other bedroom, the one belonging to other siblings. I decide I need a shower and take my clothes off. I notice that along one wall of this outer bedroom are shower heads or sprinklers and water is pouring down the wall. It does not occur to me that that is the shower. Instead, I open a metal door and step in to a very long and narrow metal shower stall, where three or four other women, in colorful bikini's are already in there. I am surprised and a bit embarrassed by my nakedness. One woman says to me this is a class. Oh, I say. The shower water turns on and I get my hair wet. Just as I hear a click that I suspect will be the shut off of the water, I suddenly decide to shampoo my hair and sure enough with my hair all lathered up, the water stops. The other women are not sympathetic."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3211", 
            "content": "(07/15/97)[\"Lions and a cliff.\"] I am traveling down a narrow road, a dirt one, and I see the approaching headlights of a train. I will be run over if I don't do something. I look up at the straight up sheer cliff on the side of the road. It has grasses and other vegetation. I begin to pull myself up hand over hand on this vegetation. I get part way up, out of the way of the train. Unfortunately, a large lion, like mountain lion that is colored like Boomer comes out of the cliff, maybe a hidden den, and lies down to nap. More and more of them come out. I hold very still, hoping they don't notice me. Someone else is there and I call out to warn them. That then makes the lions notice me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3212", 
            "content": "(07/19/97)[\"Running with the wolves.\"] I am at some gathering of women, maybe a university campus. The women seem distant and unsociable. They all begin to walk out toward the woods. I follow and soon realize that they are really wolves in human form. I become frightened. I run and they chase me. I desperately climb a tree. The wolves jump and growl threateningly at the base of the tree. I am high enough up that they can't get me. However, I see a black panther in the tree and in order to save myself I pretend to roar very ferociously at it. I am afraid but somehow it worked and the panther leaps over me and runs away to another tree. Now later, I am coming back to the campus. The women are gathered to do some performance. One woman draws a circle and chants and drums. I am suddenly hypnotized by this and lean into the circle, laying my hands and arms into it. I transform into a wolf, huge glowing eyes, big teeth and growling vicious personality. I growl and threaten. Then I run. I am being hunted down. I crawl into the bushes and slink up hill under cover, I am still in human form, but I am a wolf. Or at least I am experiencing things as a wolf. I come around a corner and peer down an embankment. I see a half grown boy playing with his baby chickens, ducks and bunnies. My eyes glitter in hungry anticipation. I slouch down the embankment and swoop down on the unsuspecting innocents. I eat the ducklings and am approaching the bunny. The human part of me is aghast that I would eat live creatures and hates the sounds of it dying. The wolf part doesn't care. It just takes and eats."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3213", 
            "content": "(07/22/97)[\"A special baby.\"] I am very surprised to notice that a baby talks as well and intelligently as a full grown manner. He transforms into a six foot tall man and yet he is a baby inside. I don't quite know what to do. I am confused."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3214", 
            "content": "(07/23/97)[\"Stopping Incest.\"] I am talking with some movie director and I vaguely notice that he is being flirty and seductive with a young 14 year old girl. I don't feel good about it qnd am about to turn away and leave, when it occurs to me that I can stop it. I turn back to him and I say. That is incest. ( sexual abuse) and if you even think about it, I will call Children's Services Division in and tell them. He is angry and shocked. He defends himself saying its all innocent fun and I'm reacting too strongly. I continue my statement making it clerar I mean business. He backs off."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3215", 
            "content": "(07/23/97)[\"Teaching and Counseling stopping a father's incest.\"] I am substitute teaching for a history and an economics class. I am walking around the tables answering questions and checking on student's work. As class is almost over, I am talking with one young woman. I realize she has been sexually abused by her father and it continues even today. Several of her siblings are in the class as well. I go to the father (who looks like that short plump man who does the Lions Duck Run fund raiser to stop abuse) and tell him this is sexual abuse and it is wrong. He denies it all. I go back to the woman, feeling I had let her down because I had said I would counsel them and help them. I feel sick about it. But the father comes back to me and says It's ok because an angel comes to him and says it is the right thing to do. I say, Ah, but that is your way of making it seem ok so you can do it. I said, You are basically a good man. You have a moral conscious and you know the difference between right and wrong. He is gratified to see I understand that. He changes his mind and agrees that I can counsel the family."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3216", 
            "content": "(07/24/97)[\"Annoying man in sail boat.\"] I am in a tiny sail boat. I had to swim to it. A woman and her grown son and another woman are on the boat. I must get in or I will drown. I fear sharks are in the water and scramble aboard. It is so small that when we all four lie down to sleep, we cover the entire boat. I am semi-curled up. The man is interested in me sexually so he lies with his fgace near me. He keeps trying to squirm closer. I try to ignore him and I am annoyed. Finally I move my face away and make it clear his advances aren't wanted. That doesn't stop him of course. Now the other woman is Kyle and he goes overboard to go to the bathroom. I suggest the other man do that too. He does, but he isn't happy about it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3217", 
            "content": "(07/30/97)[\"The Dangerous Bear.\"] Ginny and I have taken a huge black bear into our performance. We are afraid of him, but for some reason, we want him in the performance. Right now we are rehearsing. The bear is lying down at the head of the bed, across the pillows. I am standing near the door in case he turns on us. Ginny is timidly and carefully approaching him. I say wait. We need to plan our escape should he turn on us. Ginny agrees. We decide to take a left after we exit the room, slam the door shut and race down the hall to the next set of doors and try to lock them and then, does anyone know where the elevator is? No. OK, we know where the stairs are, so we will head down the hall to the stairs. Hopefully that will give us time to escape."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3218", 
            "content": "(07/30/97)[\"Snow boating.\"] I am on top of a mountain with other people and we need to return home. I guess we are in enemy territory and we are being chased. We find a boat and decide to try and slide down the snow covered mountain in the boat. I count the people. There are twenty. I see how tightly we are packed in. We slide down to a cliff and stop. I peer over the edge and see a river with black people swimming in it. I see we are soon to leave the snow and enter the jungle. The men chasing us are near by. We get out and try to sneak through the area to get to the jungle. I lean up against a wall listening to the British and German soldiers talking, waiting for our chance to slip by them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3219", 
            "content": "(07/30/97)[\"Frustration at not figuring out the categories.\"] I am explaining to my father, another older man and someone else what I need to complete my dream software. They each go off and try to create what I need. Cousins come by in a car and visit. Six men in a line, perhaps the cousins, as a trick or joke, all together rush at a freshly painted wall and smash their foreheads at it. This leaves an imprint for each man. They laugh. At first I am upset, but then I remember that my father had wanted such a momento. Now my father returns with lots of papers with still photographs on them. He shows them to me, excitedly explaining how this will answer my category problem. I am at a loss to see how. I need a movie or continuous stills. I see a huge machine in the right hand corner of a picture. I say to my father, but what I need to see is the machine moving. Apparently part of the story in the pictures is that a young girl gets crushed in half and dies with that machine and I need to see it to understand how to write the story well. Meanwhile, my father shows me lists of categories like Orderlies and corpsmen. I say but I don't have those categories. I try to read what he has to understand it. I can't Now I go to the window to witness the crushing of this girl. I see the front part of the machine open and she is lying on her tummy. A metal stick like thing comes down on her spine with great force and she splatters and dies. I break into a torrent of tears. The old man takes me into his lap and tries to soothe me saying don't cry. I say but I must. This is good because it means I feel the pain deep enough that I can write it well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3220", 
            "content": "(07/31/97)[\"Sexual Harrassment.\"] Some man, like Art of the English department at community college, was sexually harassing me. He kept standing close and touching me. I repeatedly told him not to touch me but he persisted. I felt angry and disgusted."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3221", 
            "content": "(08/01/97)[\"I want the power.\"] I am screaming I want the power over and over as I force my way into a tight cloth like tube and wriggle my way up it to the light. It is like being born, I can hardly breathe and I fight hard to get to the top."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3222", 
            "content": "(08/05/97)[\"I don't belong here.\"] I am directing a play and Burt Lancaster is one of the student actors. Then, somehow I become one of the actors but since I haven't been memorizing lines, I don't do very well, trying to follow the others lines. Some of the lines are spoken in unison. The male director, a good looking man is negative about me and I get angry and say I don't need this. I need to be on my own, learning at my own pace, this school stuff slows me down."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3223", 
            "content": "(08/06/97)[\"The Universe is destroyed.\"] I am in the Universe, floating in space looking at the stars and galaxies. Suddenly there is an incredible explosion that takes out everything. As it clears, I see only bright white light. I, however, am still there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3224", 
            "head": "08/08/97", 
            "content": "Fighting for my territory."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3225", 
            "content": "(08/08/97)[\"A good screw and Howard in a crib.\"] There is some kind of attention between me and the leader, some guy, partially a sexual tension of attraction. I need to go out, and I go out and we're sort of in Alaska. In lots of snow. I am with some guy and he gives me a pair of earrings. They are sort of temporary. I say, I haven't worn any for awhile. We go out, we are sort of spies or soldiers and we go out and do our thing and come back. He says go ahead and keep the earrings on. So I'm coming in the lead and I stumble a bit as I come in. I then see the male leader is in a crib, naked, and he looks like Howard. He is lying on one side and is in shadow. I'm starting to take the earrings out. The same man is now there, dressed and not in a crib. He says you can keep the earrings on. I hesitate and then keep them in. I see he is trying to be nice to me, and so I say well, it was kind of nice to have them in again. It was a good screw."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3226", 
            "content": "(08/08/97)[\"Baby in crib and gangsters.\"] Howard is piloting an airplane and I am on it. He is trying to get it up higher. I see the plane in a steep assent. He tries hard but can't seem to get it above the telephone wires and trees. Finally, he gets up in the sky. Now I am in a hotel room, sleeping. I wake up and get up to see where Howard is. I find him in the bathroom, just finishing going to the bathroom. I come in, because I have to go. I hope it isn't already stinky there. It isn't. I notice a window a d look out it. I see an enclosed courtyard, empty except for a crib with a baby in it. I open the door and say baby talk things and them come in, closing the door. The baby cries. I go into a smaller bathroom and sit on the toilet, having a bowel movement. Howard is talking. I come back out and a woman says Gangster families often lived close together like across the courtyard to protect each other. Even when the family feelings of love are gone, they will do that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3227", 
            "content": "(08/12/97)[\"Massacre and I shot the sherriff.\"] I am in a house. Now I walk outside to a long wooden ramp. People are out there. I have a small, very small hand gun in my right hand. I fire at people and kill them, even though 2 cops are standing very close by. A man at the end of the ramp begins to come after me. He has a big machine gun and is killing people wholesale, coming after me. I run into the house and climb the stairs until I am in the attic and find a hide hole to crawl into. The man sets the house on fire to burn me out. I am fortunate the corner I'm in doesn't burn. I crawl down the charred stairs and begin to look through a box and am checking off any items that have sugar in them. Ernie and his two boys, Ricardo and Rigo are there. Rigo asks if he can help me check off the list and I show him how to do it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3228", 
            "content": "(08/15/97)[\"Getting taken care of!.\"] I am staying at a hotel, perhaps some convention. Jim E. writes me a note, asking me to have lunch with him, or to go to a dance. I want to change my clothes. I am very contented with the special luxury service at this hotel. I paid a $15 charge and they will do anything for me at any time. I love it I laze by the pool and then call them up and they meet me at my room to help me choose what to wear for my date. The woman who is helping me is Terry, my past personal assistant who says this service is nearly at an end and If I want her to continue I will pay her $7 an hour. I don't want to have to pay so much but I'd gotten quite used to enjoying this extra service. I look forward to the several hours in the morning when I am giving her instructions and she is doing the work. I'll probably spring for the money because I like the pampered feeling I have when she does it for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3229", 
            "content": "(09/01/97)[\"Knitting A Pair of Pants.\"] Tim Allen and his wife and I are room mates. He comes to me and we talk. He wants me to counsel him because he lost his job and his wife is unhappy with him. He genuinely wants to change but is confused about how to do it. I tell him kindly that I can't do that. I explain that it would be unethical of me because I am a room mate and want to be there for both Tim and his wife. He understands. I offer to give him some names of people he can contact. He agrees. Now we are in another room, a bedroom, I think. Tim is in one bed and I am in the other. I am preparing for sleep. He is knitting, sitting up in bed. I ask him what he's making. He says its pants. I laugh and say let me see. He comes over to show me. I see a regular pair of jeans down to the knees and then he is knitting the rest of the pants legs. I say oh, you're not knitting pants, you are knitting pants legs."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3230", 
            "content": "(09/03/97)[\"Discrimination and Talk Show Hosts.\"] I am in a room and Oprah is there. So is another talk show host, named Rosie (but she is a Mexican American woman, not Rosie O'Donnell) I want to be a talk show host too and I point out to Rosie that I heard a French woman once say that the comment \"My hair is rolled or coiled up) is a discriminatory remark about French Women. Rosie is surprised and feels badly. She says I didn't know that. I say well, there are lots of ways we discriminate and we don't even know it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3231", 
            "content": "(09/04/97)[\"Calaepia and My Mean Son.\"] I am an old woman who lives in a large house. I have a young lover who is gay. My oldest son comes over and is very upset. He totally disapproves. I laugh at him and tease him. I dislike his arrogant prejudices. I have a creature I enjoy living with me. It is a caterpillar, that flies. It has wings and a cute face. I like it. My son decides to kill it in revenge for my bad behavior. He chases it with an ax or acid. Something dangerous. I am trying to type in my description of the creature, like I was typing in a dream. I wanted to type caterpillar, but the word Calaepia comes out. I know there is another word to explain him as well and I type the word analog. There are nazis around somewhere."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3232", 
            "content": "(09/04/97)[\"Fighting For My Man.\"] I am going with a man. He and I are very close, but another woman is trying to take him from me and he seems to be going with her. There is some contest we partake in. Whoever jumps up high enough and touches the ceiling canvas square first wins the man. I am aggressive and fit. The three of us jump and jump and I win out, just barely. The man slowly comes to his senses and says to me. I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that. I can't live without you. I say I know. I am the same way. We embrace with intense love."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3233", 
            "content": "(09/16/97)[\"Love In Space.\"] I am at the end of a school term and have finished writing my last paper. I'm in a hurry to take off so I start gathering things up. I find two collage pictures I had made and quickly begin to scrape off the magazine cutouts of people when I get the feeling I shouldn't be doing this. This was a meaningful creative piece and I am destroying it without thought. I do it to a second one as well. I am gathering up small objects out of drawers and so on. I look through a shelf of books. I am hearing some report on how A movie company in Russia wants to film in real outer space but the story isn't even about outer space, it's about love. I think to myself, huh! Leave it to the Russians. and then the narrator says NASA won't even let people do this not for a lot of money even. I think to myself, They do now, I heard they did."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3234", 
            "content": "(09/18/97)[\"Crawling up the hard way.\"] I am walking down a street. A man is watching me. I think he is attracted to me. The street is full of debris and potholes. I am walking toward a big freeway that intersects the street. Thousands of vehicles rushing past. I am worried about how to cross safely. A dump truck backs up toward us and is beginning to lift up the dump part to loose all the debris into the street, right where I would cross. Another man darts ahead and I now try to cross rapidly before I am buried alive under garbage and junk. But no matter now hard I try to go fast, I can barely move. I am lying on the street clawing my way trying to crawl, but still barely moving. I am afraid the dump truck will dumps its stuff on me. But I somehow persevere and make it across now I'm standing and trying to run. It's like we in an underpass. I decide at the last moment to climb up to the next level on a cement pole with metal foot rests in it like a ladder. I scramble to the top and crawl over a chain link fence only to be encountered by a stone faced cop. I made it this far and I can see life is so much better here so I aggressively stare him down and tell him to leave me alone. He does. I go on, moving normally."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3235", 
            "content": "(09/19/97)[\"Cut the nipples.\"] I see my chest. It seems the pectoral chest muscles are all right but the breasts themselves have nearly disappeared from sagging. I think about cutting them off, at least the nipples but then I reconsider, since the nipples are where I get sexual pleasure."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3236", 
            "content": "(09/20/97)[\"Mateo and School Work.\"] I am lying down resting and Mateo is doing some school work. Some man is watching. Now I have to go pee and I get up and find a restroom. I go in and see that there are no regular toilets. Only little short baby potty chairs. I have a hard time squatting down over one but manage and pee for some time. I pick up the potty and pour the thick yellow smelly urine into another container which flushes as it gets full. I am now gathering up Mateo's school work to return to him and some of my things. I change clothes. It is a lot to carry."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3237", 
            "content": "(09/21/97)[\"Aliens In Love.\"] I am making love to a man, it is just the beginning stages. He is putting his penis into me, just the tip. I suddenly feel quite sexually excited. But I am afraid also, because I think this is an alien and I don't know if they eat their partners after or what. I don't know what kind of genitalia they have. I see his face which is passive, nearly no nose and one eye in the center of his forehead. Bald, no hair. I realize I put a mask thing on to look like him so I won't be harmed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3238", 
            "head": "09/21/97", 
            "content": "Darryl keeps slipping away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3239", 
            "content": "(09/23/97)[\"Jewish Tattoo.\"] I am watching someone looking at the top of the shoulders of different people. The man is looking for the white letters and numbers of the concentration camp tattoo they put on Jewish people. I see one after another of them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3240", 
            "content": "(09/28/97)[\"Little Aliens can't be trusted.\"] I am in a spaceship. I don't really know what I'm doing, but I am trying to figure it out. A man, Charleston Heston, has more knowledge of how to make the ship work. We team up. I ask him to help me. He agrees. We like each other. He needs to activate something. But then we are landing on an alien planet which is covered with bushes that have many pink flowers on them. I open the space ship door, to look out and see a group of tiny aliens maybe 2 feet high, that look more like round faced elves. They are tricky and want to get in but I don't yet trust them. I call out to one, her name is Barb, to ask for her help, even wondering if that is too much trust. We hurry to get the systems working so we can leave this planet."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3241", 
            "content": "(10/02/97)[\"Garages aplenty.\"] Richard L. and his brothers live in a huge old run down building. They have remodeled many of the long halls into garage spaces for their many cars. We are walking down the hall looking for a car that runs. Confusion. We're in a hurry. Maybe a flirtation is there as well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3242", 
            "content": "(10/07/97)[\"Aunt Rosalie and Dirty Laundry.\"] I am at some family reunion in a house. I realize now I need to clean up my mess. I try to gather up the wet, dirty laundry that's been sitting on the table for a week now. My aunt Rosalie is very angry at me for being lazy and not helpful. She is yelling at me and I get angry and yell back at her. We are standing there, screaming at each other in an angry argument. After it is over, I say well, I didn't like the confrontation but at least now I've said my piece and I've been heard. I feel relief. Aunt Naomi walks with me asking if I am all right. She is loving and concerned for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3243", 
            "content": "(10/07/97)[\"Elvis is a brute.\"] I and my beautiful friend who is blonde and shapely are outside near a house. Elvis is in the house. Women are crowded on the steps to the front door and screaming Elvis! He comes to the door and sees my friend walking away. He tells his assistant to invite her in. She isn't really interested in Elvis but she is curious so she goes in. For some reason, I come with her, as a sidekick. We are shown to a side room and wait. When we walked up the steps the other women were very upset and jealous. After a while, Elvis comes in all arrogant and sure of his self. She doesn't like his attitude. He just assumes that of course they will make love. She refuses him and he thinks she's just being coy. She keeps refusing and tells him what she thinks of him. He looks me over, but I'm fairly plain and dark haired. Not interested. He walks out of the room. As we are leaving, a young man asks her to go upstairs with him and make love. She doesn't know him but she decides to go. I call out to her Cyb. Cyb. Don't go. But she doesn't pay any attention to me. I sigh. And leave, alone."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3244", 
            "content": "(10/09/97)[\"Drunk rock and roll star sells self.\"] I am a man and a member of a famous rock and roll band. After the show, I lie down on the floor with a bottle of booze, very drunk. The young women are coming up to the bar to buy our services. One pays for me and I get up and we walk into a large room with benches and curtains setting off tiny cubicles on the bench, only enough room for a man to sit and a woman to sit on him. People are having sex all bunched up together like that. I look for an empty seat and find one. As I sit down, the other two cubicles beside me open up so that we lie down. I guide my penis into her and feel the extreme sexual thrill of going inside. I feel a faint orgasm. It is over very quickly. I am glad I was able to find the place to get it in. Pretty soon, another woman will buy me and I will do this over and over. I am very drunk and spacy. Someone, a man, I think looks at me like he'd like to make love to me. (I feel like I'm a woman inside, so I think he is attracted to me as a woman). But I get bored and tired and decide to walk home. I walk past him. He is lying on the grass. I pat his head sympathetically and say, \"I am going to see my father.\" He nods. I walk down to the ocean front and wade in the surf, looking for the creek I can swim back up to my home. A woman tells me I have to be careful of the cross currents of the ocean and the creek meeting. I see a water slide on the other side and a flight of stairs going up. I am trying to decide which way I will return home and decide not to cross the creek, but to wade right up it. It's harder that way, but I want to go that way."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3245", 
            "content": "(10/19/97)[\"Black Haired Darryl\"] I am on a train somewhere and sharing the seat with Queen Elizabeth. There is another woman too who gives me four parts of a script I'll be in later. Queen Elizabeth and I talk. I give her some advice she finds useful. We get off the train. Time to rehearse the play. Lots of people walking around, confusion. I see Darryl sitting on a bench, holding a thin baby boy, who looks more like a child. Darryl has black hair and he doesn't look like himself at all. I say to him Is this your baby? He looks just like you. He does too. He stands to hug me in greeting. He is very tall and I comment on it, surprised. I feel his hard penis straight out and poking into my leg. I am surprised again. Now a male director is trying to organize us. I am looking through my scripts and can't find the last section, number 21 or 22. Others can't find theirs either. He is annoyed with us and lectures me on being responsible. I feebly try to indirectly blame it on the woman on the train who might not have given it to me in the first place. But I do remember having it. I look harder, feeling guilty and embarrassed. I do find it in my pile of papers. We are going to rehearse."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3246", 
            "head": "10/18/97", 
            "content": "Opps. Wrong Man."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3247", 
            "content": "(10/19/97)[\"Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum.\"] I am a man and part of a musical duo. I play the guitar and my \"sister\" plays another instrument. We are at our next gig. The audience is rough and doesn't like us. I am getting my guitar out and notice one string is out of tune. I try to tune it, but the string comes undone and I can't get it back in correctly. My sister tries to help. We are on stage and the audience is restless and booing. Then two people in the audience start their own music, singing and guitar, they are very good! This is their way of humiliating us. I am wearing a sort of tail coat with a high pointed collar. I pull out the fiddle and begin to play with them, harmonizing and counter point. They are impressed I am so good. I walk down the aisle in the audience to join them. Now a number of people are walking up and down the aisle playing instruments, and I see with concern they all had very wide fat butts. This is the only acceptable body shape here. Of course, I look normal, which makes me abnormal. I get a clever idea and my sister and I walk, arms entwined, both of us playing. I am on the right and now she's on the left. I bow and she holds the fiddle and does the fingering. We walk down the aisle carefully, stepping together as one person. This makes our butt wide enough to be acceptable. We are playing a song. \"We are having a baby, a baby, a baby. We are having a baby. Tra la, tra la, tra la. .\" We step into an open suitcase and out of it without tripping or missing any notes. Everyone is impressed. We are successful. Tweedle dee, and tweddle dum."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3248", 
            "head": "10/20/97", 
            "content": "I am in this small family resource library and researching and getting some information about creativity and dreams and I was going through the books and I found that a great many of them were my own handwritten dream books. And papers I had given them and so on of my own material. which I left on the shelf and pretty soon I looked and saw I had a pretty long pile of interesting books I wanted to look at. But now there used to be a whole bunch of books left on these shelves and now there's practically none and I know I hadn't taken away that many and I couldn't figure out what happened to the books. Meanwhile, I noticed that the shelves were on an old fold up bed and it was in terrible shape and patches of maggots and rotten material and a box of old clothes I had donated thinking so homeless people could use them, but they are just sitting there, pretty ugly and smelly. I decide to clean this stuiff up and I find a broom and a garbage can and I am scooping up masses of steamy smelly maggots and carrying these things over to the garbage can and so on and I'm trying to get things cleaned up and finally I get some other people interested and we decide we are going to throw away the old bed and the old clothes and get things cleaned up and dusted up and make it more useful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3249", 
            "content": "(10/21/97)[\"Lesbian Hotel.\"] Paulina H. invites me to lunch at a nice hotel. When we arrive, we, must scramble down an embankment and she goes across the pasture field to get the reservations. The lovely tables are along the edges of the pasture. Paulina and I sit at one of tables. Jake joins us and our \"Dad.\" Jake looks around, and wonders if this is a Lesbian hotel and hopes to overhear Paulina talk about her affair with another woman. Our \"Dad\" sits at the table with us now., listening intently."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3250", 
            "content": "(10/21/97)[\"Slaves.\"] I am a slave and so are people like me. We are forced to lower ourselves into glass containers buried up to their tops in the earth. The containers are filled with some oily liquid. We must spend our days in those containers trying not to slip under and drown. We are starving and the other people walk past us insulting us and harming us. This feels like it goes on forever and I am exhausted and beaten down."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3251", 
            "content": "(10/21/97)[\"Freedom.\"] The same dream continues later. As I am in the glass container a sheriff comes by and announces that we are free. We are so numbed by our dreadful experiences we can hardly comprehend. I am a young woman, fully able bodied, and I dazedly try to follow the man and woman I had been with. The sheriff is taking them to a federal building. I suspect a trap and we will be killed. But I doggedly follow them. I lose track of them and go to the Sheriff's office. Many regular people are there, they are all seated on the floor, in semi-prone positions. I go to the Sheriff and ask where my friends are. All the people pull back from me, shunning me. The sheriff tells them that I am no longer just a creature, but a real person. They must learn to accept me. I feel alone and scared and disbelieving this will change and I will really be free."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3252", 
            "content": "(10/22/97)[\"On Phone Duty\"]  I am lying on a couch in some room with a small square black phone. It rings and I answer. I can barely hear the man at the other end and have to ask him to repeat himself frequently. I tell him I am on phone duty for the Counseling department and work at home. He then says, with recognition in his voice, Barb? I say yes. Who are you? I never hear his name. There is a baby on the couch somewhere and I am sort of watching it for someone. A woman with very small pre-pubescent breasts is walking across the room toward the window. She wants to look out. Something is going on out there. A man is stopping her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3253", 
            "content": "(10/23/97)[\"Lunch with an Indian Chief.\"]  I am seated at the head of a long dining table. An older Native American man and a small girl (maybe Charla) is seated at the far end on a side. We are going to have lunch. I ask him to have lunch with me. My mother begins to set the food before us, mostly by throwing it from where she is seated on a couch which is not facing us. I say to the man, I feel uncomfortable so far away from you. I'll change my place. I move myself over to right across from him. I quickly drink my soup not really looking at him or talking. I get up to put the dishes away in the adjoining kitchen. I talk a bit with him as I carry the glass dishes into the sink. I put the pretty glass cake plate with the circle place for a cup of tea on it into the sink. I move two empty soda cans aside. As I return to get more dishes I see my mother standing at a sink full of water in the dining room, near the foot of the table. She is going to dye her hair with hydrogen proxide. She asks me how much to put on. I tell her I'm worried she'll bleach patches of her hair if she pours it out of the bottle straight on the hair. I suggest she pour it into the water in the sink and wash her hair in it. She doesn't like that idea."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3254", 
            "content": "(10/23/97)[\"Clothes and relatives.\"]  My mother and her sisters are trying on old clothes from each other. My mother shows me one pretty outfit. I put it on. I go into a small cubicle room, like a walk in closet and look at the clothes. Aunt Naomi and my mother are talking amiably. I see some crackers shaped like teddy bears (crisp bread, really) and some blonde colored sliced meat. A note from Aunt Bridget says help yourself. I look at the meat, but it looks unappetizing and I don't know how long it's been out, unrefrigerated. So I nibble on a cracker and like the taste."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3255", 
            "content": "(10/24/97)[\"Church Spies\"]  I see two men and they seem suspicious. I follow them carefully. In looking at where they were being suspicious in the woods at the side of the road, I slip and slide down a steep embankment. Into a wooded area. As I am sliding and falling, I notice lots of docu,ments and papers. I see words that say church and realize these men have stolen important papers from the church. The men are looking for me, and I lie still in the undergrowth hoping they don't see me. Then other people start searching for me too, punk teens and so on. I start running through the woods and scramble up to the road. The church men are there and want me to come back to the church with them. I say no. I don't want to. I just want to leave. A school bus, for the church kids is there. I try to get on and stumble once or twice. The children stare at me and are not helpful. In fact, they are mean and not helpful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3256", 
            "content": "(10/24/97)[\"False eyelashes\"]  I am lying on a couch in the middle of the night. A man comes in and says good morning but I pretend to be asleep. I am now putting on mascara, looking in a mirror, because a movie company is using me as an extra. They are trying to decide if I wore mascara the last time. I look in the mirror and see a Sandra Dee type of hairdo on my head, I Say, I remember wearing mascara. I watch in the mirror as I put it on. Each eyelash is long like I'm seeing it in a magnifying glass. I goop on the mascara. I want to look a bit more sexy and interesting than Sandra Dee."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3257", 
            "content": "(10/25/97)[\"The enemy or the helper?\"]  Ellie and I and our babies are kidnapped and tied up and put in a car. I fight the man, hating him. We go to an old house and I manage to get enough free to knock him down. I hit him over and over with a hammer, first on the penis and then on the head. I try to kill him. I force him to lie on the floor, holding him at gun point while I also get a pair of scissors, since I can't find a knife, and cut Ellie's ropes. He keeps trying to get up and I threaten him again with the gun, which I had wrestled from him. It is broken. Ellie and I take the babies to the car and start driving away from him. He chases. We pass through a small western cow town where the people look like traditional cowboys. I think about finding a sheriff and getting help but decide this is probably his people so I don't stop. I continue driving down the straight road. Finally I stop to call for help. I learn that the man is actually trying to help us. He rescued us from our parents who were going to kill us. In fact, as soon as we were gone, they had three more babies to replace us and could care less about our well being. I am now confused and don't know if this is a good or bad guy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3258", 
            "content": "(10/27/97)[\"Love My Daddy\"]  My \"Mother\" and I live on and run a ranch. We have a good strong relationship. She is very protective of me. My \"Daddy\" comes home. He and my \"Mother\" love each other very much. She tells him about this man in the neighborhood that she's worried about. He's out to get me and she doesn't want me to get hurt. I say Oh don't worry. My \"mom\" taught me what to do with a man's arms if he should jump me. My good looking \"Father\" and I are also equally attracted to each other, sexually aand lovingly. He teases me about knowing what to do with a man's arms. My \"Mom\" keeps going outside the barn and watching off into the distance, listening intently. I say to \"Dad\" I wish she wouldn't do that. It makes me nervous. He grins at me and I suddenly shove him up against the wall and we laughingly wrestle. I pin his arms back and bite him hard. He has to let go. He laughs and says She taught you right. I have both his elbows in my one hand and have my other hand free to fight\" him. We laugh. I am pressed up to him. He says you got me in a belly press. It feels good and sexy to both of us. Now \"Mom\" is outside again and up an embankment to the fence. She comes back into the barn and says. I don't like it out there. Something's wrong. So I now hold a rifle or shotgun. The three of us begin to sneak across the barn to the house to see what's up. Even the horse gets down low to the ground and sneaks across. As we get to the outer porch area, I see an ugly bad guy holding my grandparents hostage. He has a gun on them. Granddad is bloodied. We peak in the kitchen door and see two more bad guys. They see us and one comes out to threaten us. I hold the barrel of the gun right at his lower abdomen. He grins at me because I have courage, but he doesn't believe I have the strength to do it. I aggressively poke at him to make him go back in. A man hands me his business card. Something about Commuters. Real Estate Express. They are stealing our land. They are strong and many. We are overpowered by them. But we fight strong and good."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3259", 
            "content": "(10/27/97)[\"Saving the Baby\"]  A small baby boy is nearly comatose. I hold him, rock him and play with him for hours at a time. My total focus is on helping this baby become animated and well. I am in a bathtub filled with water. I scoop up water into a plastic sack and hold him with the sack between us so he gets this warm massage kind of feeling. He laughs and likes it. Slowly, he comes out of the comatose state and we enjoy the day. He is always with me and I am always helping him. I love it. It feels wonderful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3260", 
            "content": "(10/28/97)[\"Dancing like mad.\"]  I am dressed in my sexy hot pink dress at a dance. No one else is dancing but a woman, Marilyn, from work, comes over and asks me to dance with her. She pulls me up out of the chair by the arm. I start dancing. We do exaggerated moves, going into the adjoining room, where many men are standing around talking. They laugh with us as we gaily dance around and through them. In the first room, I see they are gearing up to dance some ballroom type dancing, like the waltz and the tango. I want to join them and learn those dances, but Marilyn wants to continue our odd dance. We do. Someone comments that our style is silly. Marilyn (now Lucy) has too much arm movement and I do too much leg movement."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3261", 
            "content": "(10/29/97)[\"Bullseye.\"]  I work in an office which is very crowded with desks and secretaries and other workers. My secretary is leaving on Monday and I realize, with guilt, I should be getting her a gift and throw a party. On Monday, after she is gone, there is more room. I like that. I am rearranging the desk supplies.  Patsy is there and gives my secretary a wall hanging which is exactly like the one she gave us. I notice ours is broken. There is moss and little plants on the knickknack. Now a man challenges me to shoot a hole with a rifle in a small circle painted on a booth, one of a series of them up a wall of a building. I try to aim the rifle, but it keeps swinging back and forth so that I haven't got a lock on the target. I feel tense. Then I relax and intuitively wait until the swing is just before reaching the target. I fire. I hit the mark easily, each time. This impresses the man. Now I am traveling in a small moving cart to get my prize.  Like an elevator, we go up the outside of the building, but my booth is over on an overhang and the cart creeps along the edge and I feel excited and scared. Another man is in the booth and he is surprised to learn I had such good skills. He asks me questions. He asks What gun do you own? I say I don't. I just have my ex-husband's rifle. How much do you practice? He asks. I say I don't. He is impressed. I ask if it's OK to stamp my own tickets.  He says no, then I could get away with not paying for the tickets (like postage stamps). I get back in the cart to return."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3262", 
            "content": "(10/31/97)[\"Babies and Fleischman wants me back.\"]  I am ill and lying on a hospital bed. I have a small baby with me. Dr. Fleischman, of Northern Exposure, used to be my lover and he wants to get us together again. He lies down on the bed with me and the baby. He is pretending to pay attention to the baby, but he is really trying to get close to me. I have one breast exposed because I'd been feeding the baby. Fleischman lays his head down by my breast. He desires me sexually. I am vaguely aware of this and passively lie there waiting. I realize I must reach out in some way to respond to him if I want him. I contemplate doing that, still filled with a soft resistance."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3263", 
            "content": "(10/31/97)[\"Teaching the man to take care of his baby.\"]  I am on a high mountain top. People are there, each group sitting or lying on a cot. One man and his baby lie in a cot. I go over to help him take better care of the baby, who is crying. I put some drops of milk on his nipple and place the baby there for feeding. The baby hungrily nurses. Then I pick up the baby. I see his cute face and dark black hair. He is wearing a plastic sack up to his armpits. At the bottom of the sack is milk he had drunk. I hug him and pat him. He is happy. Now it is necessary for all of us to leave the mountain top and go down the mountain. It is snow and ice and we struggle. We get to a sheltered spot around a big rock when I realize the people we had counted on to be there weren't going to show up. Bad people were coming close and we had to make the rest of the difficult journey alone without help. It is difficult, but we make it. Now we are at an outdoor fair where people sell their merchandise in booths and in old motel rooms. I walk from one to the other looking at the wares, but not interested in any of them. Some strange man, a bad politician is around."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3264", 
            "content": "(11/01/97)[\"Horseman and I mentally communicate.\"]  A beautiful black horse and I are walking together. We seem to understand each others thoughts. A woman is trying to separate us. She is telling lies. My brother Jake is around somewhere. I avoid the woman and leap up on the horses back and I ride him away from the woman. Later, we are communicating with each other and I feel so comfortable and loved by this horse. Like it is a man in a magic spell. I wonder if we really are communicating with our minds or if I want to so badly, I am imagining it. A part of me knows it is a an I love in there and we must break the spell so we can be together again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3265", 
            "content": "(11/02/97)[\"Costumed.\"]  I am in some house and I look in a mirror to see that my hair is dyed black and I have mummy bandages over my face. Sort of a Halloween costume. I need to take care of a child, maybe take him to an appointment when I see this. We are late. It is 2:00 now and the appointment to the eye doctor is at 2:00. I wonder if I should call in and tell them I'll be late. I decide to just hurry and do the best I can. I wash off the makeup and the dye on the hair. I comb out my long curly pretty blonde tresses of hair. A man is surprised to see I have pretty blonde hair. Now I and the child are leaving and the man is n charge of the other children. I see one boy fall into the huge lake. The girl jumps in too. I am upset with the man for not paying attention. I turn around to go get the children out of the water."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3266", 
            "content": "(11/02/97)[\"Upset with Mary Sue\"]  I have knitted some sleeves for a sweater for a costume and we trying it on the actress and they didn't fit right and Mary Sue was very upset. She said these sleeves have to be done right, no matter what. So I got the sleeves, I was annoyed with the actress who was not being very cooperative and I said are you sure these don't fit. Let's try them on one more time and she says Oh, I'm tired,  I feel too warm tonight, so I try them on her again and I see they almost fit.. but I'm going to have to redo both sleeves over again, because  I have to make the cuff wider and the sleeve itself a bit longer and wider in the shoulder area. This was going to require a couple of extra days of work for me and we had a deadline.  Mary Sue was a little bit upset with me and said You've got to get them done, that's all I have to say."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3267", 
            "content": "(11/03/97)[\"Howard wants me and I say no, AGAIN!\"]  I am in bed with Howard and he feels sexual desire for me. He's looking at me he groans and says you're so beautiful. I move away from and say Please don't.. He looks sad and says \"Please.\" And I say I'm sorry. I pull away from him so we're not touching and I say to him, sometimes I think about just letting you do it. To give you relief but I just can't, after all those 10 years of marriage and I begin too cry. He gets out of bed and comes around and tries awkwardly to help me feel better. I feel very sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3268", 
            "content": "(11/03/97)[\"Just had a baby, looking for my granmere.\"]  I have two rooms and I have lots of stuff in both rooms. And I am packing things up and I go from one room to the other to pack up lots of clothes and papers and things. And then I'm go apparently to M City but on the way I stop at a candy factory store. I'm in my wheelchair and I go into the building and I look at the displays of candy and so on.  I had gone the accessible way but I decide to go back through the front, where everybody else goes. This required  going on an escalator. This is exciting. The escalator went up and all of a sudden at the top, there was this drop off and no hand rails so I looked down and I could see there was the tip of another escalator there so, I went on to that and hanging on to the round and metal handrails on the left side and I did that 2 or 3 times. Each time, I'm not quite sure the escalator will be there underneath me. Each time it was. The last escalator was a series of black padded steps that rotate and drop you from one step to another. Pretty exciting. At the bottom I see some people were watching. One had a video camera and I thought that was cool. I'm trying to find my way out to the front door and some woman dropped her bag of candies and they're all over the floor and a clerk was trying to help clean it up. It was a liquidy mess. She asks what kind of candy is this. The woman told her, because they are going to replace the candies. Now I'm not in a wheelchair because I am barefoot and am going to tip toe through the mess. Without getting any of the mess on me. Now I'm going down a long aisle like in a store. I'm in my wheelchair again. Behind me I see Mabel and Dominic. Dominic looks terrible, like he's balding and like he's had cancer. He looks old and pale. I yell behind me. Mabel, Dominic, Hi. I've had a baby. Come see.  They say hi, but they don't really stop. A woman says hello did you have any luck finding GranMere Madeleine? And I realized that a year ago I was in this store looking for information about my great grandmother. And I'm embarrassed to tell her I had done nothing with the information for the past year.  I wondered if I would see someone I had met doing that search. I say, well, take a look at my baby.  She pokes my belly and I say that hurts. I just had a baby 2 days ago.  Look at my baby and reach into my handbag. The baby is so tiny that it's cradleboard is the memo notepad like the one Dwight and Corinne gave me for my birthday. So the baby's like and inch to 2 inches in total  length. I pick it up and turn it over with some concern. Hopefully the baby is still breathing. I wasn't paying much attention to it. I had kind of stuffed it into the handbag without much attention to it. But it is OK, and the baby is sleeping. I hold it in my hand to show it off and they all ooh and Ah. Then I head on out the door. I see  the van. To the left appears my mother and father in a lovely red convertible sports car and they are going to  drive with me and my old van and them in their lovely sports car in tandem to M City."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3269", 
            "content": "(11/03/97)[\"Sleeping Underwater\"]  I am on a vacation. I go down to the beach where a small cabin is right at the waters edge. I go in and look out the window. I am concerned because what if the tide comes up. I see the ocean rise and wash over the cabin totally submerging it. I realize I am supposed to sleep here like that, underwater. I feel a bit scared and nervous. I somehow know I will be all right, and the cabin won't get a leak, but it is hard to trust."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3270", 
            "content": "(11/03/97)[\"Sleepy and tired.\"]  I am in a single bed. I'm very tired and want to go to sleep but I have a visitor come. Wayne. He sits on the bed and we chat. He says he's gone back to school, a community college. I ask what's his major. He says \"Preteen.\" I am surprised but agree it's a useful major. Another visitor arrives. My cousin. He sees Wayne and is jealous. They chat with a bit of an edge in their voices. I say I have to go to the bathroom and leave them there. I find the bathroom. A woman is in the shower. I wait. She comes out and I am so sleepy I can hardly stay awake. I know I should go back and \"rescue\" the men from having to talk to each other but I smile a bit mischievously and think hell, why not let them sweat. I talk a moment with the woman and go back to take my shower. But another woman is in the shower. I am a bit annoyed as I am so tired but I let it go. I wait."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3271", 
            "content": "(11/04/97)[\"Men Against the women. I fight.\"]  I am in the military. The men are very much against me and plan on making it so difficult I drop out, if I don't die first. I have a one room I live in and keep the door locked with a large brass colored key which is very slow in locking. When the men storm up to the door, I lock it, just barely getting it locked in time.  I am angry at them and determined not to let them win. During maneuvers, they put  me in danger and don't help me but I fight hard and aggressively. The officer in charge gets left behind in a mud pit and can't get out. He's up to his chest in it and stuck. I find him and help him out. Some of the men are relenting toward me now. I keep fighting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3272", 
            "content": "(11/05/97)[\"Returning a long way to continue.\"]  I am at a conference, in Seattle. It is over and it is time to go home. I pack and a man and I go. It's a woman's issues conference. I feel ok about what we did and what I learned. I get home, a four to six hour drive and Rochelle wants me to go back for more conference. It seems a waste of my time to turn around and go back, but I sigh and do so. By the time I get there, I am tired. I have lots of things to carry, luggage, purses, coats and so on. It will take 2 trips up the flights of stairs. I am frustrated about that. A woman says Hi. I tell her how hard this is going to be and she somewhat reluctantly agrees to carry my second load up for me. I feel guilty for manipulating her. Up we go and it is hard to do because each step is very narrow, hardly leaving enough room to place your foot. It's an extra flight up as well. By now I am very tired. I find the room and go in. The beds have the blankets folded up on the bed. I sigh. More work. I wonder which bed I should take, since Rochelle doesn't seem to be here yet. I decide to heck with it, I'll take the one I want."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3273", 
            "content": "(11/06/97)[\"Another demention and a loving man.\"]  A group of men and I are going to be transformed into another dimension. We become small. Then we find ourselves to be in another much earlier age where things haven't been invented yet. One man and I begin to work together. We like each other. It feels loving and warm. He wants to experiment and melt all the aspirin together but I am worried I won't be able to figure out the correct dosage.  Something is over and he runs and I chase him. He stumbles and is laying on the ground. I fall down beside him. He says I don't have a job for you. I say I don't want a job. We kiss and it is beautifully sweet and loving. I guess he was worried that I thought our relationship was employment related."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3274", 
            "content": "(11/07/97)[\"Opps. You didn't mean me.\"]  I am lying in a bed. Another woman, my \"daughter\" is in the next one. It is in the middle of the night. I am tired but awake. I move the sheer curtains a bit to see the outside. It is raining hard. It looks a bit like M City out there. I say to my daughter, I love to watch the rain when I'm inside and warm and dry. I hear my \"husband\" George of Seinfeld coming tiptoeing into the house. He has brought several drunk women with him. One I know and another is the band singer from the lounge they were at and some of her children. Young teen girls. This is the last straw. I see George peeking around the door nervously checking to see if their giggles and drunk stumbling around has awakened me. I call him in and he lies down at the foot of the bed like a naughty puppy. I say this is it. I'm through. He groans, no. I say yes. This is no good. I'm not good for you and you're not good for me. We hurt each other. He begs with me. He holds out an old Mexican blouse, embroidered, I got from a trip to Mexico. He wants me to wear it so I'll be warmer but I say no. It doesn't fit me anymore. I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. It would, in fact, make it worse. He is very sad. Now the bad singer is in my room and seated at the piano playing. I sigh. I say please don't. I need to sleep. Then one of the girls is introduced to me. Her father is some beginning charter member of a charity organization. I am out of bed and standing by now. I commiserate with the band singer about her tough lifestyle. Then she says she is going to make a big contribution to the charity in the name of Mary Ellen. I am surprised. That is my name and I begin to demure. Then the girl speaks and I realize she is the Mary Ellen they are talking about. I am embarrassed and back away abit. Now we are someplace else. We stand in front of a full refrigerator. I see the doors are open and I say the photo would look good here with the full refrigerator. After all the charity is giving hungry people food. I stay on the outer edges of the group and watch. I feel embarrassed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3275", 
            "content": "(11/07/97)[\"He turned into a cat.\"]  I am traveling with a man. The road turns into a ferry boat over a river. There is a big crowd around us and we get separated. I feel scared and worried I'll never see him again. We get across and I get off the boat, running around looking for the man. I get to the front door of the hotel and turn around to trace my steps. Then I see a very frightened cat in a cart labeled Racial. I pick up the cat and I say, Tom is that you? My God, they turned you into a dark colored cat and they put you in a segregated cart for blacks. I realize we are in a deep southern state. I carry him in my arms, soothing him, because he is shaking he is so scared. I say we'll try to sneak him into the hotel. I go in. It is late at night. I put him in a safe place to hide and I go to find the clerk. I see a bar room with little red tables but hardly anyone around. The bar is closing it is so late. I find a woman and I ask for Corinne's room. She takes me there. A special handicapped room. She is in bed, which is a double platform of wood. The other side waits for her husband Dwight, who is now a cat named Tom. She is crying and runs and hides from me when I come in. Her girls are there. I am concerned now how to get them to accept Tom, and I sort of hope they don't so I can keep him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3276", 
            "content": "(11/09/97)[\"Darryl wasn't the one, after all.\"]  I am upset with Darryl. Another man with dark hair is with me. We are friends and we like each other. He is supporting me emotionally through this. I go to my apartment and dig through a pile of old things, letters and papers and so on. Memorabilia. I find the letter I am looking for, the one I wrote to Darryl at the end of our relationship. Ginny is around being sympathetic. I need to verify a date. 4/16 or something. I find it and get angry again at his betrayal and abandoning me. It is a good cathartic moment which sweeps any remaining love feelings out of my heart for him. The man with me is very glad, because our friendship has blossomed into a love relationship and I can finally acknowledge it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3277", 
            "content": "(11/09/97)[\"Weird train tracks and Mrs. Snowman's son.\"]  A man is talking to us. He points off into the distance where I see train tracks and roads going perpendicular to us. He is complaining about these roads and tracks. He says this is what I don't like about them. Now he drags me onto the track which are unstable, no ties holding the tracks together and a long drop off below. It has bumps on the metal tracks so that I am very frightened I'll fall off as we go. He doesn't notice or care and drags me along lecturing in a complaining tone. He says this road isn't safe either and now I am next to a set of long shelves with food stacked on it like a grocery store. I am to find hand and toe holds where food isn't to hang on while a train passes so I won't get run over. I move carefully from one hand hold to another. At one point, there is no handhold and I say to the man I guess under these circumstances I just squish the food. After all, the only other alternative is for me to get squished. He nods in agreement. I get back on the path and am returning to where we were. Now we are walking out of a cafeteria where a man is at the cash register. I look back at him as we get to the doors. His back is to me and he is gossiping with the other employees. He is talking about everyone and specifically I remember he said well, I guess Mrs., Snowman's real proud of her son. Apparently Mrs. Snowman is his nick name for a cool well endowed woman that works there. He is being sarcastic. People don't really like his constant gossip. It puts people down."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3278", 
            "content": "(11/28/97)[\"Miniature Honor guards\"]  Rigo and some boy scouts are practicing for a big event. Honor guards march in elaborate movements. Three different sets of them in a row. Some other group of boy scouts were practicing some other maneuver, but they are tiny. Like 2 inches tall. and one of them was a midget and then was miniaturized so he's really extremely small. I am trying to practice the honor guard march too. We are in a very large gym. With a stage. The curtains are closed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3279", 
            "content": "(12/01/97)[\"Hurting the baby.\"]  I am in a large room. A short woman is in labor, seated on a couch. She can't seem to get the baby to come out. A man is seated near me, perpendicular to me. He holds a baby and is slapping it around. I am upset and ask him not to do that. He is sullen, not appreciating my interference. I keep insisting he stop hurting the baby. Meanwhile, a man named Larry is slowly coming closer to me. He is attracted to me and wants to kiss me. I am attracted to him, but shy and not responding to him very overtly. He finally kisses me and I barely respond. I think, I'd better do something responsive or he'll go away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3280", 
            "content": "(12/01/97)[\"Howard and the baby.\"]  I don't know where I am, a large area. I am looking at photos I cut out of the girls. I show them to Howard and point out to him that they were photos he took of them when he was taking care of them. I was artistically cutting them out and putting them together in a collage work, where many of the photos are like pictorial totem poles, long, with many different things in a line, vertically. I realize in the back of my mind that apparently Howard and I are living together again and in fact, have sexual relations now. I feel vaguely surprised and uncomfortable. A short woman who had been having a baby in my last dream comes through and hugs me and I am shocked to realize she had passed as my husband for a short time and I am relieved I don't have to hug her. She walks on. Now I have a baby who seems hard to keep hold of. It is not too well and I'm getting it checked up. I and another woman are going to some booth where they are selling Christmas decorations. I look at them, not too interested. Boring stuff. Cloth dolls and candles. I can't seem to find the place where I take the baby for a medical check up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3281", 
            "content": "(12/03/97)[\"President Clinton is so friendly.\"]  I am in a room, maybe at the White House. President Clinton and Al Gore are there at some reception. We sit together in the first row, and as we talk, President Clinton, in a very friendly manner lies his head down in my lap and cuddles. I enjoy the friendly attention and am pleased he is so charming and personable a person."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3282", 
            "content": "(12/05/97)[\"Uncle Wilbur's empty eye.\"]  Sebastian and I are talking. Working on a project. He says perhaps we are all done working with each other now. All our projects together are done.  I feel mild regret. Now I see Uncle Wilbur and go sit on his lap. I look into his eye to see an empty eye socket, with some mechanical device inside which used to hold his eye. There are people around who are mean and grumpy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3283", 
            "content": "(12/05/97)[\"Upset with Charla.\"]  I am working, taking photos. Charla is near me and is interrupting me. I am frustrated. Finally, I pick her up by the scruff of the neck and carry her out of the room. I plop her down near my mother and walk back to continue working. My mother is upset with me. I am upset with Charla."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3284", 
            "content": "(12/06/97)[\"Hundreds of Arthritic feet.\"]  Mateo is very upset with himself and is isolating from other people. Charlotte and I are going from one house to another, looking for this man. I see an image of hundreds of naked arthritics seated in rows on wooden planks with their feet sticking through holes in the wood to dangle underneath in the cold murky water. It's like a giant foot stockade. I am underwater, looking at the many pairs of feet, deformed with arthritis and cold and painful. I feel cold as the water myself.  And sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3285", 
            "content": "(12/08/97)[\"Nice man and Roses with Thorns.\"]  I am in a house. A man is there, following me around. He likes me a lot. I am in my bra, as I am busy with chores and getting dressed. I have children and am watching them and cleaning up their clothes and so on. I go out the front door and see a rose bush. I want to pick some roses, but I see all the thorns. I go back into the house and the man gets the roses for me and follows me in."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3286", 
            "content": "(12/08/97)[\"Rip Off.\"]  Jerry Seinfeld is around and flirting with me. He and I are going to go away on a fun trip. We are laughing and packing things. Then after a time, I am ready to go only to discover that it isn't Jerry Seinfeld I will be going with after all. It will be Dave Roof. I am disappointed. I wonder if I can manage going with him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3287", 
            "content": "(12/09/97)[\"Bassett hounds and kittens.\"]  I see a cute basset hound named Susie Q. I am petting her. Then Fluffy is there. I pet her. Then I see two kittens, one orange and white spots. They are very fluffy. I play with them. It is fun. I enjoy all these cute animals. It feels cozy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3288", 
            "content": "(12/10/97)[\"Better than my father.\"]  I am the daughter of an Arab politician. There is a single bed in a room. I am in it. I think my father and mother slept with me. But I am grown up now. So I am kicked out. My father now won't speak to me or pay any attention to me. My mother is still supportive. I decide to leave the bedroom and explore. I go downstairs where the men are,"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3289", 
            "content": "(12/13/97)[\"Aliens from the Inside.\"]  I watch a man as he is doing research. He is suspicious of a woman. Some aliens are around and he wants to question her about them to find out where they are. She is not cooperative. She is vague and slippery. He goes to her house and goes in. A maid takes him to the living room. He sees a box of journals and asks the maid if that is the woman's diaries. She says yes and then leaves. He sneaks over to read them, and as he does he realizes that the woman is really the alien. I see images of the woman's face and I watch as it transforms in a series of images to an ugly brown pop eyed alien face. The woman comes in and seems relieved he knows. It seems a friendly relationship."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3290", 
            "content": "(12/20/97)[\"By bike or by car?\"]  I am in a house. It is supposedly Lucy's home. I am cutting out articles about an incident in the newspaper. It's her newspapers and the article is about something, an accident, that happened to her. But I want them so I take them, rationalizing she can't read them anyway. I am packing to leave. I have a bike and a car. I can't decide which one I should take home with me now. I decide on the car and then change my mind and go on the bike. I coast down steep hills and pedal hard up the other side. I stop at a wayside and rest, feeling guilty about taking the articles. I should have asked permission. Now there are people around. I am going to sleep on a cot. A girl, like Charla is with me. She brings me a box of Kleenex. I say thanks and offer the little boxes inside it to others. Soon lots of people have boxes of Kleenex. Then I realize Charla had taken the box without permission and it is the supplies for the vending machine which sells these Kleenex boxes to the public. Now I owe a bunch of money for having given them all away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3291", 
            "content": "(12/22/97)[\"Call 911.\"]  I am in a house. I walk from room to room and see that all my TV sets are stolen. In their places, the thief has put smaller TV's. I ask a man, perhaps my brother Jake, where's my 32\" TV set. He says he doesn't know. I am upset. A woman is there too. I then see a small baby, with blood on it's face. I realize the man  has been hitting the baby. Abuse. I am more upset and realize I can't turn my face away on this. I may be week about the TV's being stolen, but I can't ignore the baby abuse. I am looking for the phone. I find it and call 911. There is a long wait. The man and the woman are very upset with me for calling 911. I am resolute. This must be done."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3292", 
            "content": "(12/22/97)[\"Libeled.\"]  There is a large wedding happening and I am watching. Perhaps I am also the bride. A gangster kind of family.  The family is gathered around a huge square of tables and making toasts. One man, an uncle of the groom, makes elaborate grimaces as he speaks  and I watch with interest. Perhaps that is a family ritual or habit. The groom and I write a small 4 lined poem. It is amusing, about two animals, one perhaps a turtle, another perhaps a bird. We enjoyed writing it. But soon we read a critical review  of the poem. The entire family, and indeed the entire town is up in arms about this poem. They ridicule me for being wrong about the theme or premise of the poem. I didn't know my subject matter, they say. I laugh and say to someone well, they have a point. I made that mistake, but I was writing the poem from another point of view and so it didn't seem to matter for what I was trying to do. The people are unforgiving. They refuse to speak to me. I am being completely ostersized. I begin by being a big embarrassed and gradually progress to anger. I demand to see the mayor. He is upstairs in a building and refuses to see me. The secretary is rude. I finally snap and push past her walking rapidly up the stairs yelling at him that I am coming up and he will talk to me. I find him in his office and threaten to sue him for civil liberties. I tell him off."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3293", 
            "content": "(12/23/97)[\"Communicate with the man mentally.\"]  Two men are interested in me. They are courting me. I am not sure which one to choose. They both seem nice. The one more distant from me physically I see more. I seem to be more attracted to him. He mentally sends a group of people to come up to me and surround me. They stand very close all around me, as I am sitting. They stare at me. Somehow this is an extension of the man's mind as he learns about me. I begin to send mental signals back to him and actually start to feel what he feels and hear what he thinks. I realize I've had this capability for about a week. He is pleasantly surprised to discover I can now connect with him telepathically. I choose him and move through the people to sit next to him. We are happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3294", 
            "content": "(12/23/97)[\"I say no to nice lesbian lady.\"]  Jennifer is in a room. I am visiting her. She has two women friends. One of them, a young woman is attracted to me and comes very close. She tries to kiss me and flirt with me. I turn my head away and say nicely that I am not interested. I am straight. She is disappointed, but persists. I keep deflecting her energy. I think of leaving because it is tiring having to deal with the constant attention."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3295", 
            "content": "(12/28/97)[\"Albert Einstein and family love.\"]  Albert Einstein is working on new inventions. He has a glass beaker full of some thick scientific liquid. He comes out of the room and announces he has found the cure for tuberculosis. His family take the new invention and carefully put it in safe keeping. They are monitoring his work so that when he dies his legacy will be intact and will be passed on to them. However, some other people come and ask him to sign over his works to them. He does so and then goes back to work.  His family is deeply upset and hurt. I try to explain to them. I say, He loves you but his first love is his work. You don't matter, in the long run. They have hurt feelings."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3296", 
            "content": "(12/31/97)[\"Old friend returns.\"]  I am on vacation with Dovre. We rented a couple of rooms. We are walking down an area and a man comes up to me. He has dark pretty hair and a trim beard. I realize he is an old friend from years ago. Sort of like Archie and sort of like Nat III. We hug and talk. I am happy to see him, and he me. We kiss and he is impressed, saying I am a good kisser. We walk together. He ignores his friends and I ignore Dovre because we are so immersed in one another. He changes his clothes for dinner and comes to me. I am standing at the opened trunk of a car. I comment on the nice sweater he is wearing. It is knitted and white. A cardigan. He is embarrassed. Someone gave it to him, he doesn't particularly like it. I say in defense, well, it looks very collegiate. We walk over to my rooms, so I can get ready for the dinner. I show him each room. The living room, the bath room. The stairway to the bedroom. The bedroom. Dovre goes to take a shower and we fall upon each other and make wild love."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3297", 
            "content": "(01/01/98)[\"Don't neglect the babies.\"]  I am now responsible for two babies that my mother had but doesn't pay any attention to any more. She's had other babies and lavishes care on them but neglects the first ones. I resent this and feel bad for the abandoned babies. The same thing happens with Lucy. I am taking care of her first babies too. I try to explain to her that she is neglecting them. She doesn't seem to care or hear it. In my explanation, I use a horizontal metal bar that is a part of her couch we sit on. I say horizontal. She thinks about it and uses the baby's legs as an axis to get a spatial picture of horizontal versus vertical. She traces a line across the spread legs and says Christmas, right?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3298", 
            "content": "(01/02/98)[\"Taking Classes\"]  I am taking some classes, mostly figure drawing. I talk with a woman who wants to know what classes I'll take next term. I have no idea, since I'm just taking a class that interests me, but I can tell she wants me to graduate and take all the required courses. I evade the question, saying something general like \"Art Classes, I think.\""
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3299", 
            "content": "(01/03/98)[\"Too much stuff.\"]  I'm in a public building, having helped someone teach a class. A student needs their schoolwork gathered up and delivered to them. I see a table with piles of papers and books. I begin to dig out what I think I should take to her. A woman comes. She is my ride and then another class lets out and people are walking through. It is necessary for me to get out of the way but at the last moment I decide to grab some of the papers I want for a later meeting. I shuffle through the piles having a hard time deciding what to take. I feel frustrated. I give up and decide not to do this, and not take much with me. I walk out to my waiting ride."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3300", 
            "content": "(01/04/98)[\"Creating Music for my program\"]  I am in a house, apparently one my mother, my father, and Dwight live in. I am working on my computer project. I realize I need music to go with it. I smile at my father as he walks through the living room. I hint that he should write me some original music. He laughs and says no way. That would take too long. I then comment that if I get music from someone else, it will be copyrighted. He doesn't take the hint and leaves the room. I go down a hall to visit Dwight's room. He's hanging out. He has no suggestions for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3301", 
            "content": "(01/04/98)[\"Steve McQueen and me.\"]  Steve McQueen is cool and aloof. He has all the women falling for him. I am a shy young woman and know I haven't a chance with him. But he seems to be attracted to me in a casual way. He lets me hang out with him. He insists I cut my hair very short. It already is a short ball of curls, with multiple colors in it. His mother laughs at me as she mimics snipping my hair down to the scalp. She takes a snip out of it in the front. I go to him and say why do I have to cut my hair? I like it this way. This is pretty brave of me. He grins and I know it's ok."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3302", 
            "content": "(01/05/98)[\"Bette Davis and a dead father.\"]  I am with four or five other people. We are moving into an apartment. We are sharing a room. I am Bette Davis and I am trying to find my space in the room. The others are set up all ready. We climb up to the door using a metal ladder attached to the wall. It is a difficult climb. The rungs are thin and bend easily. I now find my space. My desk is set up right by the fireplace. I announce I like this space. The space to my right is my \"father's.\" He's dead. I see a man's figure sitting at his desk. All I see is his back. I call out to my father's spirit. I then see a bright opaque swirl of colored lights on the ceiling. I tell the others this is my father's spirit."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3303", 
            "content": "(01/05/98)[\"Rape and Kill.\"]  I am in my bedroom. I get up and go into the bathroom. Carlos comes in with the intent to rape me. He grabs me and I struggle. I shove him away and escape into the living room. He now has a gun. I call 911. I can barely see and my movements are slow motion. I try to remember my address. I finally remember 2nd and Elm. It's like my memory is going. Then I remember 2127. Carlos is approaching and I start to duck and hide in the computer room. There is a blue mat standing on its side. I hide behind that. Carlos is near. I grab the gun. He wounds me. I now have the gun and Carlos is lying on the ground. And still trying to hurt me. I finally shoot him in the shoulder. Now I feel angry and righteous. I have the right to kill him. I feel some restraint of compassion but it is small compared to the desire to kill him. I shoot him three more times in unvital areas. Finally, the police arrive, but it now looks like I am the aggressor and they want to arrest me. Carlos grins and tells them I tried to seduce him and then attacked him. I am furious."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3304", 
            "content": "(01/07/98)[\"Don't want a boyfriend.\"]  I have moved into a house. I don't like the town, a small traditional place out in the country. Dovre is there, helping me, only she put my rug that belongs on the living room floor over the rug I already have on the bedroom floor and then the excess goes out into the living room. It is wrinkled and messy. I am unhappy about that. I go into the bathroom, as I just woke up. I look out a window and see a huge diesel truck near by. The driver is looking in out of curiosity. I am annoyed. I go out for a walk. When I return, I see a glass enclosed porch where women are cooking. I realize it is my kitchen. I go into the house. The women call me into the kitchen. They say the townsmen are ready to look me over now. They are interested in courting me. I don't want that. I am annoyed again. I leave the glass kitchen and go into a living room where five men are seated, waiting for me. I shake each one's hands and say Hello. I feel uncomfortable. I don't want any of these men. I don't want anyone. I want them to go away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3305", 
            "content": "(01/07/98)[\"Drugs and what's on the ceiling, auntie?\"]  I am tired and my Aunt Millie offers me drugs. I take them and now don't care about anything. I look up on the ceiling and see something, I think. I say to my Aunt Millie, look. Do you see it? She grins. She makes ugly faces at me, sticking out her tongue in grotesque ways. I ask her not to do that. It scares me. She keeps it up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3306", 
            "content": "(01/09/98)[\"Saving the Enterprise.\"]  The USS Enterprise is basically a huge body of water. I am a crew member. We must abandon ship. I am swimming up to the air. Capt. Jean-Luc Picard accompanies me to the surface and then turns to go back down to try and save the ship from exploding. He turns to his left and says \"Michael.\" The Warf character is there. He also volunteers to go back down. They swim down to a sandy silt ledge where yet another crew member is pacing back and forth, guarding. His feet are silly, like a clowns. There are three objects down there and they are going to explode. Capt. Orders the others to go up to the surface with two of the objects. He stays behind to bring up the third one, the most dangerous. It is on the verge of exploding so he releases it and pushes it to the right. That momentum forces him into the same path. The thing explodes. I think the Capt. Survives."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3307", 
            "content": "(01/12/98)[\"Tidal waves and saving the babies.\"]  Raging tidal waves of brown roiling water is descending on me. People are running, screaming. I am running. I see naked brown babies being swept away. I am afraid for them. A woman runs past a baby. I grab the baby and I yell, \"I will take care of the babies.\" I am being righteously indignant and feeling put upon. I am angry at her for abandoning them to their fate. I know I can't save them all, but I manage one or two, even though my instinct is to save myself and leave them behind."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3308", 
            "content": "(01/12/98)[\"Irv helps me.\"]  A man like Irv is helping me. We are in a house, broken up into apartments. We are in the upstairs apartment. A 3 year old girl, like Charla, is playing.  He is folding clothes and taking care of her. I am appreciative. She is rambunctious and full of energy. I help fold clothes. I change my shirt, taking my bra off too. He is sexually interested. I am aware of this and look at my choice of clothes to put on. They are in a pile on the couch. I see sexy see through black bras."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3309", 
            "content": "(01/14/98)[\"Is it OK to be lovers?\"]  Ricardo and I are seated side by side in a vehicle. I am where the drivers seat is and he is on my right. He is much younger than me. He leans over to kiss my belly. He nuzzles  a little roll of fat on my side. I feel awkward and uncomfortable. I wonder if this will be OK with his parents. I tell him we should ask his parents permission. His father shrugs and says I guess it's all right. His mother says no way. This is wrong. I don't approve. Ricardo still wants us to make love. He brings me a small metal boat and holds it steady in a pond. I start to get in it. We are going to float around on the pond to be alone. But the boat is unstable and Ricardo is rocking it around. So water is splashing in. I hesitate, not wanting to get in and sink. So he brings a small kayak. It is also unsteady. Now he is walking around in the shallow pond, away from me. I walk toward him, wading. I look down into the water and I see something swimming by. I look more closely and see that it is a woman who is either sleeping or stoned on drugs. She is smiling. Another young woman is floating with her, in the same condition. I am concerned for them. What if they are so unconscious that they drown. I keep walking toward Ricardo, but I keep looking back at the women, concerned. I see another set of women like that. Now I am carefully walking over a fallen tree trunk, very old and gnarled. It  is ancient and beautiful. There are currents and eddies and odd mysterious things in this pond and Ricardo seems to keep disappearing further away as I observe what is around me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3310", 
            "content": "(01/16/98)[\"Black baby is eaten.\"]  I enter a room. I see a plump, cute black baby lying there. He is sucking on a pacifier vigorously. He has it all the way in his mouth. I remove it but he wants it, so I find a bigger one, with a shield on it. He sucks on it so hard it slips completely into his mouth. I am worried he will choke. I take it out.  I pick him up and hold him. He smiles. I look in his eye. It has mechanical little squares in it. I am surprised. Is this an alien baby? I put him down. I look around the room. I look back at him and notice he has changed into a snail like creature. Another odd animal is beside him. As I watch in horror, the animal eats the snail. I am sick with horror. I try to grab the animals mouth but it is too late. I wonder how I can possibly tell the baby's mother he was eaten while I was caring for him. I am shocked and worried."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3311", 
            "content": "(01/18/98)[\"More rooms\"]  I am in some house. It is small and old. It has two tiny bedrooms, a kitchen and a living room. I am walking through the rooms to see where the bedrooms are. As I walk through the house, I keep finding more rooms. One is a tiny thing  where the floor is rotten through. I look down and see a busy industrial establishment. A large truck drives through as I watch. I wonder if the exhaust fumes come up into my house. I see Lucy walking near this room and am concerned she will fall through the rotten spaces in the floor. In the kitchen I see a hutch with things on it. I want to move it so it will look better. I go into another room, surprised to find another one. Terence is around somewhere."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3312", 
            "content": "(01/18/98)[\"Getting ready.\"]  I am walking with my father and some other people. We are going to go check up on a project we are working on. Maybe a computer project. We stop to have a bite to eat. My father asks a man to bring us a prepared lunch. I open mine, and find a bunch of square things with general information on them. I see packages of cheese or milk. I ask a man if every time I want to eat lunch I will get this same package of square informational things. He says yes. That seems a real waste of resources."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3313", 
            "content": "(01/19/98)[\"Falling in love with a drag queen\"]  I am very sad. I feel alone and unloved. I am in some tunnel of cement and curved lines. A naked black man is there and he is sympathetic to my feelings. He walks ahead of me trying to coax me into following him to see a friend who can supportively counsel me. I think there is an underground river to the left that I was sitting next to. I slowly follow him. He tries to jump up a cement jut where the tunnel branches into two. He slips and falls on his butt. He laughs at his antics. He's trying to cheer me up. I feel sad and lonely. Now he leads me to a friend. Sparky. She says she'd like to hear what's troubling me. Another woman is there who was going to tell her troubles but she says it's OK for me to go ahead first. She'll learn from my situation too. I suddenly decide to not talk and let the woman go first. I wonder why I did this, because it would be right and a good thing for me to talk. But I hold myself in. The black man is now dressed as a drag queen. He cavorts around in a flashy way. I am now trying to adjust my clothes. I have a skirt that rides up into my butt crack and a see through blouse so it is obvious. I keep trying to adjust it, but it reverts back as soon as I let go of it. This feels embarrassing. I can't walk around looking like this. So I try to put a pair of jeans on.  I stand up and walk over to the black drag queen and straddle his lap. I say I don't know what I'm supposed to be a man inside and a woman outside, or a woman outside and a man inside. I feel confused. Then I say to him. What would happen if I loved a drag queen? Would I have to just wait until he's ready?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3314", 
            "content": "(01/20/98)[\"Washing dishes with the Native Americans\"]  We finished some kind of big dinner. Theresa is there and other Native Americans. Time for clean up. We walk into the kitchen. I choose to wash instead of dry. The sink, a big industrial sized one, is full of dishes already soaking in warm soapy water. I wash as Theresa and I talk, pleasantly. I get the dishes done and look over at the stove. There are lots of very dirty dried on food pans waiting. I don't want to wash them. We decide to soak them. I tell Theresa we should put away the food so it won't spoil. She says she'll slice up her turkey and we'll put it away. Then I'm in the next room setting up some pieces of papers on a table. We are going to do collage like art work. Lots of people, maybe the whole tribe will be involved doing this. I chat with some nice guy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3315", 
            "content": "(01/22/98)[\"Talking to Karen\"]  I am standing to the left of Karen. She is seated. And slightly looking back toward me. I am explaining to her that Charla has a hard situation, where both her parents abandoned her. I understand that they had reasons for their behaviors, but that doesn't help Charla. She still feels abandoned. I feel sad for her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3316", 
            "content": "(01/23/98)[\"Cat Baby\"]  I suddenly remember I haven't been feeding the baby for a few days. A girl like Charla is there and I ask her if she did it. She says no. I walk into the bedroom and see the baby in it's crib, still in the swing harness from the day. I get the baby up. I walk around holding the baby in my arms, only now there are two of them. A cat had changed into a baby. The baby that was a cat is plumper and healthier than the other baby. The real baby has red circles under it's eyes. I carry them around with me, one in the crook of each arm. I want to take care of them good, now and am appalled I neglected them so long. I just forgot to take care of them. I walk into another room and with my foot pull out a trundle bed from the couch. I want to put them there to nap. A man is there, he is a neighbor, but we actually live in the same part of the building. His bedroom door is to the right. Which opens into the room I'm in and my bedroom is off the same room on the left."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3317", 
            "content": "(01/23/98)[\"Younger man\"]  I am standing near a young man, maybe 20 years my junior. He is some kind of sports person and I am watching his workout. We are attracted to each other. He asks me to sort out some papers for him. I do that. I wonder if we are going to sleep together that night. I assume we will, but no one has actually said the words. I have a wooden tent like accommodations all picked out in case. He says his Mother lives near by. We can stay at her house tonight.  I ask if she is going to mind us being together. He smiles and says it doesn't matter. I know now we are going to sleep together. The age difference bothers me a bit."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3318", 
            "content": "(01/24/98)[\"Walking.\"]  I am walking and it is somewhat difficult because I usually go in a wheelchair. I am walking down a sidewalk. An older unkempt woman is in a wheelchair on the sidewalk. She grudgingly gets up and steps aside so I can walk on the sidewalk. She is annoyed with me. I continue. Now I see a woman evangelist sitting on a large wooden structure. She is preaching to one lone woman seated on a bench across from her. The listening woman looks bored. I pass between them. As I continue, I see other people standing around on the sidewalk. I walk with effort and concentration, kind of surprised I can manage this long."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3319", 
            "content": "(01/25/98)[\"Turn off the radio\"]  Charla and I are going to a special meeting at her school on Sunday. I keep trying to position my wheelchair so I can face the two women speakers. I can't seem to find them. I decide I need to turn off the radio, it is annoying me. I find the radio and push a number of buttons but no matter which one I push  it won't turn off. I feel frustrated and I give up. Now I am outside and walking. It is slippery. I see a stream of water ahead and realize I can't step over it. So I choose to go uphill, slipping on the wet grass and mud. I make it to the sidewalk. I see the bus Charla and I will take. Now a young woman, perhaps Dovre, and I are wearing push up halter tops that are black and strapless. I mold mine to hold in my left breast, as I noticed it was sort of dropping out a bit. As I approach the bus, a man approaches and makes lewd remarks. I feel annoyed by him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3320", 
            "content": "(01/27/98)[\"Growing computers.\"]  I am in a field planting old computers in a row. I finish my work and look over the field where many green plants are thriving. I pick off a flowering fruit that is forming. I taste it and am very pleased. It is moist and sweet and slightly crunchy. Someone asks me what this all is. I point out the beginning of the first row and say that was a Compaq computer, and that was an old Commodore 64. It even has the old fashioned keyboard with the shift button on the left. There is an Atari."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3321", 
            "content": "(01/30/98)[\"Secret bus\"]  I am walking in an open area. I see some boxes and racks with used items there. I dig around and find a purse and a sundress. I am going to buy them, but then I notice the purse's handle is missing and has a seam open. The dress doesn't have an elastic waist, so I won't fit into it. I decide to leave them, although I like the openings on the purse. I can manage them with my hands. There are people there that are part of a secret group, called the MOI. I follow them, searching for their secret headquarters. I see a bus and get on it. I am now in a wheelchair and notice the bus is very spacious, allowing great accessibility for the chair. I see a display panel and look at it closely. I find an ensignia of the MOI there and realize I have found their secret place. I continue to casually observe as I wheel down the aisle which is a grassy path. There are no visible signs of the bus. No floors, or walls. It looks like I'm strolling down a meadow path. At the back end of the bus, I see some young men in suits who are part of the MOI crew. I notice they have sleeping quarters and a bathroom set up back there. They watch me suspiciously. I pretend to be an innocent tourist."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3322", 
            "content": "(01/31/98)[\"Saving Bill Clinton\"]  Charla and I live at the White House. Bill and I are going to be married. Charla is talking and says \"Sex.\" I am nervous and ask her not to mention sex. The reporters will pick up on that and make rumors about Charla and Bill Clinton. I then worry that my warning her will sensitize her to do it more often for attention. The preparations for the wedding is going on in the main room. A woman is there and I realize she is the killer that is trying to destroy Bill. I and Charla convince her to come upstairs to a room to talk. She agrees. The stairs are outside the house. We are in this room, and  she grabs me to poison me. She is behind me and I struggle. I manage to get the poison she is trying to kill me with, into her mouth and she dies. I go down the stairs and find Bill. He is wearing a white suit. Most of the rooms are white. We hug. I say to him, I've killed her.  He is shocked. I say it was self defense. He hugs me again. He is very happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3323", 
            "content": "(02/01/98)[\"Giraffes in the new house\"]  I am looking over a series of rooms I am thinking of moving into. The rooms are run down and as I go from one room to another, I notice they aren't closed off from the rest of the building. I walk from one room into another not realizing I had entered someone else's room. I back out, embarrassed. I choose one room to be Charla's bedroom. Now Robert Downing is there. He is my son. He wants to move in with us. I am hesitant. He's an addictive personality and trouble, but he is my son. We enter another room and I see a glass display case with jewelry in it. I am pleased to find something the previous owners left. I don't particularly like the jewelry itself. I comment they will make good Christmas gifts for friends. I see a pile of wooden carved giraffes. I am very happy. I say oh good, these are my totem animals. This is a good  omen. We walk down another hall to reexamine Charla's room. It is big but the hall from it simply opens out into the building. I don't like that. Now Robert and I walk outside the building to return to the first room. Each room is in a different building, it seems."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3324", 
            "content": "(02/03/98)[\"Fireworks and cute critters\"]  I am in a room. I ask where my father is. They say he's up on the hill setting off the fireworks so we can enjoy them. I look out a high wide window and see fireworks and black puffs of smoke. I notice it is daylight and ask why he didn't wait for night so we could see them better. The colors are faded. Someone says it's because some people who would enjoy this won't be here later. I go sit on a couch. I see an odd critter, sort of like a furry deer with a flat wide head. I am sure it will run away if I reach out to pet it. I touch it and suddenly it leaps up on the couch beside me and wants to be petted more. Very affectionate. I am amused. It is cute."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3325", 
            "content": "(02/06/98)[\"Sneaking a Peek\"]  I am talking with some nice man. I kind of like him. He has a locker and I happen to notice the combination numbers he uses to lock it. I decide to sneak into his locker and look around. I do that and pull out books and papers and his drawing pad. I am hoping I find some journal entry that talks about his meeting me and how he feels about me. But I am embarrassed and feel guilty. So I barely look as I flip through the pages. I know this isn't right. I notice he is a very good artist. Lovely colorful pictures. I put the things back in the locker. I realize he will know someone has been rifling through his things because I can't remember where things were, exactly. I want to go hide. I feel shamed. Now either I have to go confess to him or not get involved with him, because I couldn't handle the thought of being dishonest with him. I am sorry I ever opened his locker. I feel sad because now I've ruined a possibly good relationship."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3326", 
            "content": "(02/07/98)[\"The Horse Breaks a Leg\"]  I am in a room. There are two or three fireplaces. There is a huge stone hearth in front of the fireplaces. A fire burns in each fireplace. As I watch, I see bits of burnt wood spark out onto the hearth. I am grateful it lands on the stone and not on the floor or the couch. I move the couch away from the fireplace. It is on a downhill slant. I don't like that. I look at the stone wall near the fireplace. It has sparkling places. I look more closely and see quartz crystals and amethyst crystals which reflect the fire. It is pretty. I look over at the other fireplace. I see smoke pouring out of it, into the room. Now I am worried about toxic smoke inhalation. I say I need a fan and then see a button on the wall. I turn it on and a fan starts up. It clears out the smoke. I then see a black device on the wall. I look more closely. It appears to be some kind of camera lens with a series of f-stops on the multiple lenses. I have no idea what it does. Now there are aliens in the room. One has a round fat tummy. I don't want him to stand so close to me that we touch. He leans forward and touches his small purple tongue to my mouth. I pull back, feeling uncomfortable. Then I look out the window. I hear some people playfully racing their horses down the street. But they are careless. One horse slips and falls badly. I feel sick when I hear him fall. I look and see that his back legs are bend. I think he's broken his legs and will have to be shot. I feel very upset  and distressed for the horse who was driven carelessly and must now pay with pain and perhaps death. The horses face is full of suffering and pain. I want to cry."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3327", 
            "content": "(02/10/98)[\"God Help ME\"]  I am observing a young woman who has two boyfriends. One is her main boyfriend, and the other is a new one that she is attracted to and he to her. She is quite torn as to which one she loves more. She is miserable. She and her woman friend are in a crowded restaurant. The woman friend sees her boyfriend, and picks up a coffee pot, a gift from the other man and holds it up for him to see. She calls to him to get his attention. The young woman is shocked and angry. She says How could you do that!. The friend follows the boyfriend outside repeating her message. The boyfriend is extremely upset and hurt. The young woman walks angrily back into the crowded restaurant. Her friend returns with her. The restaurant is crowded with waiters who stand on top of each other's shoulders and wait tables in this acrobatic way. The boyfriend places himself in a harness that holds him suspended up from the floor about three feet. He is sort of like the waiters, doing a showy act for the customers. But while he is there, he arches his back in frustration yelling repeatedly \"God help ME!\" Meaning let me be the one she stays with."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3328", 
            "content": "(02/11/98)[\"Keeping the Animals Safe\"]  I own a large run down house where I keep exotic animals. Lion cubs and a sort of furry dinosaur, and many other animals. I let them roam free. The house has a long front yard that goes to the ocean. In the house are stone outcroppings just like outdoors. I use them as sort of stairs. Some of the house is unfinished. The stones lead up to a wall for example. The dinosaur goes wild and is potentially harmful. I need to put it up in a room in the house. I struggle to get it up there. I feel bad that I have to lock it or any of the animals up like in a zoo. I am enjoying the fresh air in the yard and notice a lion cub is loose. I am concerned it will be hurt by the dinosaur. I pick it up, cuddling it. As I am walking around with it, I see two men who are going to harm the animals. Now the dinosaur is loose and swimming in the ocean. I get into the passenger side of the car. The two men are in the driver's seat. I pull out a shotgun and point it at their heads. I say if you don't stop, I'll blow your heads off. They smirk. I aim at their shoulder and shoot. This scares them and they jump out the open window on the driver's side. The car is moving fast and I struggle to get into the driver's seat to stop it before we plummet into the ocean. Too late. I feel the impact of hitting the water. I feel the sinking of the car in the deep water. I am also aware that the impact is softer than it would be normally. I struggle out of the window and start to swim back to shore, with my shotgun in my hand, on the lookout for the men. I see one up on a hill. I return to the house and run up a long flight of stairs. I see my staff, now a large group, working. I warn them about the men."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3329", 
            "content": "(02/12/98)[\"A Sad Story of Love and Betrayal, 1940's style\"]  I watch a young woman and I am sort of the young woman. We live in an apartment building. My room is sort of open to the hall. I have a single bed and it faces a wall partition that has a box on it, with things from the previous owner on it. The place is cluttered. I am cleaning up. I open a box with magazines in it I had been saving for a long time. I open one magazine. I see cut out pictures of a cute dog. It is black and white. It is called a pop eyed dog. I like the picture but resist keeping it. I throw it away, even though I think it is cute. I see the box on the wall has holes in it and look in. There are shelves in there with lots of stuff on them. I start rearranging things. I fold up a cardboard cutout of a miniature piece of furniture. I think it is a dresser. I see framed pictures on the wall. I don't particularly like them. They were left by the previous owner and I never bothered to take them down. A man comes into my area. I try to ignore him. I don't like him. He lives in a neighboring apartment. I see him sit on a bed next to mine and I watch as he does stretching exercises. I see he has a thick build, like Ernest Borgnine. But his legs are very thin and lacking muscle, like a para. He is dressed in a T-shirt and his boxer shorts.  I roll under the bed to pretend to sleep and avoid him. Now I am walking down the hall of this old 1940's style apartment building. The neighbor man is attracted to me and calls me into his room on some pretense. After we are in there, he unbuttons my dress and exposes my breasts. I the dreamer is looking on. I am surprised to see her breasts are so small, they are practically non existent. The man wants to fondle her. She is upset and runs out of the room to escape. She runs across the hall and into the bedroom of another man who is sleeping. She kind of likes him. He has been kind to her. He is in bed sleeping and she crawls in beside him saying in sobs, can I sleep here? He is surprised. I the dreamer is surprised and pleased to see it is the actor Al Pacino playing a role of a working class man. He has a gap in his teeth. I am delighted with his acting skills of taking on this unusual role for him. He at first assumes she wants sex and tries to touch her breasts. She is curled up and says no. I just want to sleep here. He sees she is upset and allows her to lie there as he comforts her. Meanwhile, I see the father coming down the hall. He is going to find them sleeping together and assume the worst. He is going to go after the man and force him away. It is a sad story."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3330", 
            "content": "(02/15/98)[\"Another time, swept away.\"]  My brother Dwight and I are on a raft in some river. We are right next to the bank, which goes straight up like a cliff. There is a canopy roof over us. I notice beautiful waterfalls, like sheets of running water over the face of the cliff and point them out to Dwight. Then I suddenly realize we are in danger. The water is increasing. One sprouts up right next to us. I yell to Dwight to help me get the raft out from under the canopy before the water rises suddenly. We just barely get out in time. We are moving downstream when a wall of water comes washing down  and over us. It pushes the raft and us over a cliff into a huge lake. It is so big that I can't see the land anywhere. Then I see smoke stacks way off to the left. Then I see some houses with spires on them and cars near by on the right. I think to myself that there can't be cars here because somehow we had traveled back in time. The cars disappear. We move to the dock near the houses. And get out on land. A young man comes up and an older couple. They are dressed like in the 1600's. Pilgrims sort of. They are upset that I am wearing pants. I go back to the raft and find a dress, it's not in their style, but it's a dress. They ask us to come in. We do so. A plump woman asks us if we are married and I laugh and say no. She is shocked and faints. I then hastily explain we are brother and sister. This is a very religious family. We are now eating dinner with them. They finish and say they will now go have a family prayer meeting. We are left at the table alone. The young man peeks in from the door to the outside and asks us to meet with his friends secretly outside. They have some secret revolutionary group going. We go out. The steps are very steep and at the bottom, the young man catches me in his arms. We cling to each other, very attracted to each other. Then we scramble over a small hill and hide with the others. Now I see three geeky men, dressed like cowboys. The are standing in a row by a fence. One comes up to me. He wants to kiss me out of curiosity. I see the young man jealously watching and I decide I want to make him jealous. I agree to the kiss, but the young man is angry now and comes over to grab me from the man's arms. We embrace  and cling to each other fiercely. He professes his love and now sad and lonely he will be when I return from where ever I came from. We are deeply in love and sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3331", 
            "content": "(02/16/98)[\"Stealing the Men's Shorts\"]  A man and I decide to sneak into the Men's dormitory and steal their shorts as a joke. We have two plastic sacks  full of them. We sneak back out. The men come after us, very upset. We hide the shorts. Later we take them out into the open so they can find them in our quarters so they know who took them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3332", 
            "content": "(02/16/98)[\"Derek makes me angry\"]  I am trying to do something. To get something done. Derek interferes, teasing me and stopping me from accomplishing what I am trying to do. I am very angry at him but I choose not to blow up. I hold in my anger, because I know he is deliberately trying to provoke me. He is acting like Charla does. I am trying to be loving in spite of the provocation."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3333", 
            "content": "(02/16/98)[\"Letters from Brian, wish I knew who he was.\"]  I am working hard and feel very tired. I fluff up some pillows and prepare to rest on a big easy chair. Another woman friend is also tired and takes my place. I see this and happily give up my spot for the other side of the chair. There are two large holes in the corners of the chair and I stuff a big brown pillow in it and arrange a few more for comfort. I curl up. Now I get up to look for some letters I received. I had gotten a postcard from someone named Brian and I wrote back. Only I can't remember who Brian is. I got three letters. Big fat ones. My name Beverley is written three times across the envelope. I am excited about receiving these letters. They look like they will be fun to read and full of information from the past. I try to think who Brian is. Maybe an elementary school chum. Maybe I met him at Aunt Millie's. I open his letter. He has a whole list of facts about my Grandma Agnes' family on this paper. I begin to eat the paper. It tastes very good. I then realize that I am eating the facts before I even read them. I don't want to lose the information, so I nibble around the margins, because I really like the taste of this paper. It is crunchy like potato chips."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3334", 
            "content": "(02/17/98)[\"Like the Kennedy family.\"]  I am a young woman who visits a very large family. There are perhaps 11 or more adult children and the male head of the family. It reminds me of the Kennedy family. We are called into a large room with three or four couches. They all sit on the couches and I am amazed at how much furniture is required for so large a family. The older man lectures to his children. At one point he walks up to the son and leans into his face and says sex. He means they shouldn't be thinking about sex and relationships, but getting on with their careers. He then comes over to me to get acquainted. I need a crochet hook to make something. He walks me over to his daughter who is severely disabled in a wheelchair. He leans over to her and says No Tim. He means she shouldn't be thinking of her boyfriend Tim. They help me find some crochet hooks. But they are all too big. I see the size J. I need smaller. We search around for awhile. The son comes over to talk. He is attracted to me, as I think the father is. I am shy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3335", 
            "content": "(03/01/98)[\"Center of Attention\"]  I am seated in a large crowd of people. Way up at the top of the bleachers are the important people who perform. I am leaning back on the ample bosom of an older woman, feeling relaxed and comfortable. I watch a man doing a performance. He is racing on the ice covered ground, running from something that could get him.The man tries very hard but doesn't quite make it. Now the important woman at the top of the bleachers is making a public speech about his performance. She then suddenly starts talking about me and how I will criticizes his work because I am always critical in a negative way. I am surprised and angry she speaks like this about me in public. I stand up and announce that I am not critical of his performance. I in fact think it was wonderful. The fact that he almost but not quite made it successfully was even an added plus to the excitement and poignancy of the performance. I am furious at the woman and stare up at her. The older woman and a younger woman seated next to us are very aware I may blow up and be caustic in my speech with this woman. They are trying to calm me down. But I stand up and walk toward the woman who is descending the stairs. I grab her with a cane behind the neck and jerk her around and force her to the wall. I lean into her and tell her off, angrily. How dare she berate me in public and so on. Then I walk away in a huff. When I sit back down, a woman comes up to me and says look at that. You did it again. Two years ago, you sat on the stage itself, and was the center of attention. Last year, you accidentally sat with the important people and was the center of attention. And now you managed it again!!"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3336", 
            "content": "(03/02/98)[\"Bone Density\"]  I am watching as a woman is standing in the street, shocked that she has survived a holocaust. She says I must have had enough bone density. Millions of people had been killed because they didn't have it. She is relieved she has survived, but she watches as other survivors search for their loved ones. They come into a huge warehouse to search through millions of bones and skeletons. There is no hope they can identify one from the other, it is an overwhelming task. The woman and I look on in sadness and empathy as a crying grieving woman hopelessly goes to the bone pile to try against all odds to find her loved ones."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3337", 
            "content": "(03/04/98)[\"Reaching for God\"]  I am at a church service that is very beautiful. After the service, two other women and I walk to another church. Our belief is that our own service is so right and beautiful that we can go to other kinds of services and enjoy them without judgment. We go to another church where an old man is the preacher. He is talking on a microphone off in a corner but his voice is booming through the congregation, sort of like the old man in the Wizard of Oz who is revealed behind the curtain. He is saying that there are 8 paintings that are sacred and special. As the women and I leave, we say it's interesting. Not like our service. But it's OK if they want to believe that God is a painter. We walk across a top of some high cardboard like we're on top of a cardboard box. We are going to the next church. We come to the end of the cardboard and there is a steep ladder. I am in high heels. I shake my head no. I say I don't know what I was thinking, not taking the elevator. I can't go down this ladder. Will you be upset with  me if I don't go with you to the next church? They smile and say no problem. I turn and walk back toward the elevator. I see a man. We talk. I hug him and am in his lap. I say to him. I love you. The man is distressed. I say don't be upset. It's all right if you don't return my love. I do this twice. Now I feel like dancing. I find a spot on the gymnasium like floor where it's not as crowded and begin to dance like I'm Ice Skating. I swirl and glide gracefully. People stop to look. Someone puts a spotlight on me. As part of the dance, I leap up to grab hold of a crystal chandelier. This represents reaching for God. It is beautiful. The crowd admires my dancing. I am touched by the motion of reaching for God. It is very spiritual."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3338", 
            "content": "(03/08/98)[\"Nate in the photo\"]  A woman has taken a photo of Nate and I and another woman. She shows it to me. It is already printed up in a newspaper. I like the picture, but I am uneasy. I say to her that Nate and I used to be lovers and maybe his wife will see the picture and put it together. Nate comes in and I show him the picture, explaining what I told the woman. He smiles and says it's probably OK to print the picture. Since the other woman is in the middle between us, the wife won't figure it out. It looks perfectly normal and explainable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3339", 
            "content": "(03/08/98)[\"Center of Attention\"]  I have a black suitcase, more like a briefcase. It has a game inside it. You push a button and round disks, brown colored and sandpaper like, move around. I get bored easily with this game since nothing much seems to happen. Perhaps it is broken. I open up the case and clean everything out of it. I have a bunch of quarters and odds and ends. I gather up the quarters. I hear John Lithgow talking to another man. He is telling him that he shouldn't be such a hog with the center of attention in the group circle. I smile at the fact that it is John himself that seems to need to be the center of attention and he is jealous of the other fellow's share."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3340", 
            "content": "(03/09/98)[\"Sawdust Eating MaMa\"]  I am in a garage with Charla. She wants to drive my little red car. She gets into the driver's seat. I don't want her to drive. I tell her she is only 11 years old. But she starts driving anyway, in the garage. Slowly moving forward, she bumps into a large box. She then backs up and bumps into something else. I finally take the steering wheel from her and stop the car. I am sitting in the driver's seat and I feel a strong wind pushing at my back. It's a breezy garage. Now I am walking with my \"father.\" He is human, but my \"mother\" was a sawdust eating creature. We walk across a flatland area to a huge tunneled out building in a mountain. The halls are white, long and endless. There are unmarked doors where businesses are. Other people and creatures are walking through the halls to get to their work place. I see a big room ahead, no door but a wide archway opening to it. Some of the creatures think this is the sawdust eating room, but as we get closer, I see it is a swim pool. The water is steamy and cloudy and murky. My father and I get in and swim around. The others go to the sawdust eating room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3341", 
            "content": "(03/12/98)[\"Rushing waters, against the current\"]  I am in a large room that is crammed full of boxes of things displayed like in a store. I see rows and stacks of boxes with shoes on them and I see dark figurines of horse's heads and so on. I need to clean this place up. I see a pile of clothes and start picking them up to put away. Several pants of pastel colors and design are on an ironing board. I haven't worn them for a long time and had forgotten I owned them. I am interested in wearing them again. Now I walk out of the room through a door out to a porch which is in a huge cavern. A river rushes through it right up to the porch. I can see the currents are strong. Even though it is dark in there. I jump into the cold river and try to swim across. But the current is too strong and sweeps me downstream. I manage to get to the side which is a rock face wall. I fight my way walking upstream against the current holding on to little handholds in the rock face. I look up stream and see that a large waterfall is at the upstream end where the water enters the cavern. Now I am in the middle of the river and walking upstream, managing to move OK even though the current is still strong."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3342", 
            "content": "(03/13/98)[\"Audience is bored\"]  I am reading one of my plays to an audience. They are quiet but restless. Not very interested. I keep reading hoping that they will finally get excited. I finally stop reading and the audience wanders away, glad to be able to go. I feel uneasy and insecure, thinking that my play should have caught their interest, if it had been written well. I am unhappy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3343", 
            "content": "(03/17/98)[\"Hard to See\"]  I am trying to iron a dress which has wrinkles in it from being wadded up in a pile of things for too long. I sit in a regular chair with my wheelchair beside me on the left. I have trouble seeing. It's like I have a blindfold over my eyes and trouble with my right eye. I catch bits and glimpses of things but am a bit disoriented. I feel the wheelchair and try to use touch to find my way around. Lucy and Mary Sue are there. I am explaining to them about my visual problem. They listen but are a bit bored as this is common experience for them. I go outside to walk and Lucy comes with me. I can see better now and tell her there are some holes in the boards we will be walking on. We can't walk around it because just underneath on the right side is a large body of water. We must be cautious and careful with our steps."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3344", 
            "content": "(03/18/98)[\"Baby and paralyzed man\"]  I am in someone's house. A couple. The man is paralyzed. The woman he is married to is young pretty and cold. There is a baby. I am helping to take care of the baby. I try to fold it up in my arms but it's legs and arms keep poking out. I finally get the baby comfortable. I think my mother is there somewhere watching critically. The man calls me into his bedroom. It has a fireplace, a nice overstuffed chair and a couch. He is lying on the couch. He is attracted to me. The woman is watching jealously. I feel caught in the middle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3345", 
            "content": "(03/19/98)[\"Jake sings Opera\"]  I am in a room, dressing. Ernie comes to the door and I am only in a long sweat shirt, no undies or pants. I feel self-conscious.  At least the shirt is long enough to cover my private parts. He comes in and we talk. We are going somewhere. Two men are working outside the open window. As we start to leave, I become concerned that I should lock the window so no one will come in and steal anything. I say apologetically to the men, it's not that I think you will steal anything. We go out into the hall and then drop down through a hole which is like an elevator shaft without the elevator. We land on a piece of furniture in someone's living room. I am embarrassed. They look at us. I apologize saying we thought we were going to land in a lobby or something like that. We go outside. Some woman had driven a car down this road and we were looking for her. I think she is up in a tall building with lots of windows. Now we are in another room, like a bar. Lots of people. Some of the people are doing amateur talent skits and songs. I see Jake off to the left back corner and he is playing a record or tape of classical music. He manipulates the tape with his right hand. Then he bursts into operatic song. It is kind of silly and I am impressed with his native ability. I am surprised he had the courage to do this, as he hates to make a fool of himself. I applaud and shout out  Bravo! Some man on my right thinks Jake sounds silly and I am silly for applauding him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3346", 
            "content": "(03/22/98)[\"Many rooms, remodel.\"]  I am moving into a house. I am walking through the rooms to look it over. There is a great deal of work to do to make it livable. The plywood is rotting, it's old and dusty. I am amazed at how many rooms there are and how large they are. I open a boarded up window and look down to see a huge basement room, with dead leaves on the floor. Patricia and Aunt Elaine come to visit. I am showing them the house. We move now toward the front rooms of the house. Here they are in better shape. Elaine exclaims, oh, here's an other door. It's on the other side of the entry. I open it. It has some wallpaper and is very spacious. I like it. I see four doors. I open the one on  the left. And find myself in a clothing retail store. A sales woman rushes over to shoo us back into my room. She follows us in. I say to her, does this other door go into the store too? She says no. I open the door that has a ramp with shallow steps built on it. I see a flight of stairs being renovated, fresh cement being laid down on the steps. I close the door, trying to lock the little flimsy lock. It keeps falling back into an open position. When I locked it, the hinges on the other side of the door pulled out a bit. Then I tried the next door. A closet. I didn't see anything in it. I didn't like how it felt to look in there. The last door  is another closet. I open the door and four heavy golden brown men's overcoats fall out on the floor, just like four dead bodies. I am startled and a little afraid. I tell Elaine that this room will be for Howard and me. But I was thinking I want Howard in another room and this room is for me. Now Patricia is outside driving a VW bus. The sales woman runs to the window to look disapprovingly at her. Elaine and I go look. She is driving around in the front parking lot."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3347", 
            "content": "(03/23/98)[\"Princess Meets Mud Man\"]  I am a young Arab kind of princess. I am outside playing. My old grandfather, the King is watching. He is proud of my beauty and my energy. I have been a child and am now becoming a woman. I have long dark black hair. I turn cartwheels and run happily through the grass. Grandfather goes in to palace. I am walking back to the front door when I see in the ground a small hole. In the hole is a man's face in a pool of water. He has beautiful brown eyes. His image recedes under water as I approach. I go into the palace and ask for my Grandfather. No one responds to me. They bustle around very busy. I go toward his bedroom. I enter a room and then turn  left and enter yet another room. He is there, very ill, in a white hospital bed. It is very high up and big. There is white netting all around the bed. I walk around the bed trying to find a way to get close to him. I finally command a servant to lower the bed. He does so. I hold my dying Grandfather's hand and I tell him of the mud man. We guess it is a spy from the other kingdom which wants to take over our kingdom. My grandfather decides that when he dies, he will make me queen, skipping the men of his command. He smiles at me and then dies. The men are not happy about this sudden change."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3348", 
            "content": "(03/24/98)[\"Multi-colored stairs and the dating game\"]  I am in the back of a pickup truck. Ellie is driving. She is driving very fast and I am being bumped around badly. I am in danger of being bounced out of the truck and injured. I am angry and scared. I yell at her to slow down. She pays no attention. There are two round cylinders in segments. I have my hands on them, holding them so they won't fall apart. Each segment seems to represent an amount of money. I think it was $100. Now Ellie and I are walking across some very high walkway with a metal railing. I sarcastically ask if she took this like she takes everything else. Now we are climbing down some metal structure. I look down. It is an endless drop if I fall. I several times take the wrong foothold and swing around precariously, nearly falling. Finally, I see a long endless flight of stairs with multi-colored thin stripes going vertically in the carpet. I have a hard time getting on the first step without falling. Then I am fine but it is a long way to go. Too bad the elevator is broken. As I descend the stairs, I look to my right and see lots of people seated in rows. I go into that room and they point at me and I wave at them. I don't pay any attention to them, just vacantly waving back now and again. Then I get on the stairs and continue my journey. What I didn't realize was, this was a dating game kind of situation and they were interested in me as a dating partner. And when I waved back, I was signaling OK, I'm interested too. A narrator's voice says and some of them will wait a long time for a response."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3349", 
            "content": "(03/24/98)[\"Floods, and saving the baby\"]  I am in a dingy room in a basement of an apartment house. Ellie is there and so is a baby. The baby needs something and I go to get Ellie who is sitting like she is comatose near the kitchen. I see the dishwasher and start to do the dishes. But suddenly, a whoosh of water wells up, and spills out over the floor. I am pushed out the door of the apartment by the force of the water and more is coming. I run to escape the flood. Down a long dark hall I run. I go up to another higher floor and search for people to get help. I see a door open and go into some office with odd looking phones. Two men are working there. I say I need to call for help. They vaguely notice me but don't do anything. I try to use a phone but can't figure out the complex button system. I scream at one man \"You son of a bitch.\" I yell at the back of the other man, get the fuck out of my way. He is shocked and jumps quickly out of my way. I race back down the hall. I must return and save the baby and Ellie. I find a tiny wooden box with metal wires and pipes in it hanging on the wall. This is an elevator. Two other woman accompany me.  You have to hang on with your hands on the metal pipe. But three women is too much weight and the small box speeds it's  way to the basement. We hit hard, but are all right. I run back down the hall, the water increasing in depth until I get to the apartment. It's up around my thighs  at that time. I force my way in and go get the baby, finding Ellie and forcing her awake."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3350", 
            "content": "(03/24/98)[\"Angry Archie and the Kiss\"]  Lucy and Archie are seated side by side. At a table. We are indoors but no architectural details. Archie is telling Lucy something that I get angry about. Perhaps he is belittling her. I tell him I don't like the way he is treating her. He is instantly furious with me and rails at me for a long time. I have no business interfering, and so on. I start to walk away, but he comes to me and steps in front of me. He then kisses me very lovingly. I respond to the sweet kiss with pleasure but I am confused about what all this means."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3351", 
            "content": "(03/25/98)[\"Don't Discriminate.\"]  Charla and I are in front of a building. We are getting ready to walk to school. I can't find  a paper where I'd done an outline of my homework. I ask her to help me find it in the piles of paper on the sidewalk. She's not very helpful. I look and finally find it. Now we walk up the front steps and into the house. The Casey family is having a reunion. I go into a room and see them gathered near a table. I am offered a piece of chocolate pie. I ask is there sugar in it? Then I laugh. Of course there is. Who do I think I'm talking to? It is Grandma Casey who sugars everything. I say I have to get Charla off to school and leave. I can't find Charla outside and  Rochelle drives up to the building asking me where is the accessible bathroom. I tell her of three different ones on different floors and decide to walk her there. We go in and wander around but end up going out the back of the building and into a bus. I realize I'll be late for school now and get off the bus. We enter another building and have a hard time finding a ramp, which is rickety and crude. We go in and then I come out the other side. This time at the curb I have to jump down over there are a line of cats lying, relaxing. I go around them so as not to hurt them. Now I'm at the school. I enter the classroom and see the students in three circles. They are choosing who goes in what circle. I see Charla there and am relieved. I had wondered if I should return to the original building or go on to the school. I hear a snotty young teen woman say We aren't ever going to choose a granny in a wheelchair. I get righteous and say loudly that is against the ADA discrimination law. You can't do that. They don't care. They don't want anything to do with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3352", 
            "content": "(03/25/98)[\"The Big Fall\"]  I see list after list of prepositions and I am trying to figure out what to do with them, in my dream software. I am struggling and very frustrated and tired. It's like I am repeating the action over and over."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3353", 
            "content": "(03/29/98)[\"Worthless package and a round ocean wave\"]  I am lying on a beach by the ocean at night. Ginny is off swimming or walking. It begins to rain and storm. I look  at the ocean and am concerned that the waves are so big. They are oddly curled so that it seems the ocean is coming at me from two angles, perpendicular to each other. Like the wave is coming at me and curves around to be surrounding me. I get up, trying to move my sleeping bag and things into the house. Ginny walks up and helps me. Now I am in a house and sitting on a couch. Ernie comes over and sits beside me. He sits unusually close and I am very aware of that. It feels comfortable and yet there is tension. Now I am packing and I pick up a small pretty box with a price tag of $20.99 on it. I open it to see what is worth $20.99. I see lots of tissue paper and a small address book. I leaf through it and see where you can write birthday dates and so on. I rummage around and don't find much else. I decide this isn't worth much at all. But by now it is a big suitcase. I find a large wad of pantyhose, musty smelling in one of the compartments."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3354", 
            "content": "(03/29/98)[\"Spoiled miniature woman\"]  I am in a wheelchair. I hold a baby that is tiny and abandoned. I am comforting it. It doesn't stay well in my arms I keep adjusting it's position because it limply curls up in an awkward way. There are people in the room with me. Now the baby I took care of grew up and is a tiny miniature woman. I have her in a small cave with a window at the top so I can peek in and check how she's doing. To the small woman, it is a window to the sky that occasionally has a giant eye in it. To me it a porthole to her world. She lives alone. One day, Charlton Heston moves in. He brings her a fresh kill from the hunt. She is uppity and wants him to cook it and serve it. He plops the meat down and says. I got it for you. You will have to gut it, prepare it and cook it if you want to eat. She is angry and haughty, refusing to do anything to help. Charlton walks away from her. But a lower window is broken and a cat comes in. She is afraid and runs to hide for her life. A small orange kitten gets in too. Either I reach in and take them out, or Charlton does. The window is fixed, so she will be safe."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3355", 
            "content": "(04/01/98)[\"Loss and comfort\"]  I am seated at a picnic like table. A man sits on my left and a woman on his left. I am devastated by a tragic loss. A ship or airline went down killing hundreds. I am mourning for the families and loved ones of them all. The man puts his arm around me comfortingly. I hang my head and feel the sorrow. I decide I must write a letter. I get a paper and a pen. I put a sticky label on the paper and try to write my name Beverley. I keep messing it up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3356", 
            "content": "(04/01/98)[\"Forgot my nightgown\"]  I am sleeping. It is the middle of the night and I wake up, although I am still groggy. I sit up and notice that a group of family members are sitting around a campfire on the other side of camp talking. I realize I need to get up and join them. I stumble out of my bed and go there, rubbing my sleepy eyes. I am having a hard time keeping them open. Now we are going for a ride in a cousin's car. I get to drive. Michael J. Fox is my friend and sits on my left. He drapes him arm over me in friendly closeness. I am seated like I'm in the backseat, only it is the only seat and the steering wheel is there. I laugh and comment that most of the car is in the front end, but I am surrounded by my loved ones here at the back. I see the fancy set of pedals to operate the car with. It is a golden bronze color. We start to travel. I realize suddenly with a gasp that I had forgotten to pack my nightgown and maybe a few other things I need."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3357", 
            "content": "(04/02/98)[\"Western Penguins and my father the streaker\"]  I am at a festival and get a table. I decide to leave my bowl of potato salad and my three forks there as place savers. A woman tries to take my spaces but I explain I am saving them for two other people and myself. She is annoyed, but moves on. So now I am walking down a sidewalk toward the music and fun. I see a fake tavern and go in to watch the silly old west melodramas they put on there. Then I leave and walk on. I am in another structure, now with Charla. We sit. I am in my wheelchair now. We think we are sitting where the entertainment will be seen, but it turns out we are wrong. So we move to a better viewing spot. Lots of people mill around. My father comes up to me. I am delighted to see him and we hug. There is some activity outside and we look. It is a bunch of horses and then people dressed as old west penguins are getting off the horses and coming toward that tavern. I tell my father this is a melodrama. It will be fun to watch. My father gets a gleam in his eye and says playfully, I can still do that (meaning singing), as a group of old time singers are doing a barbershop quartet kind of thing, with their arm outstretched toward the audience. My father suddenly rips off his shirt and runs naked to the waist into the group and gets on bended  knee to sing with them but they freeze in shock and go silent. This makes my father very conspicuous. I feel sad for him and embarrassed. I walk over toward the tavern. One of the players sees me and decides to lasso me in a hangman's noose and incorporate me into this drama. I play along. Another player joins us. We do play dialog for awhile and then just chat. I tell him I am an actress. Oh, professional? They ask. I say well, no. I used to write these scripts and.. They interrupt. I see the red head friend of Leighanne who is in commercials go by. I say I know her. As I am leaving the men, I turn and say, by the way, that was my father who joined your show. He just wanted to harmonize and have fun. But you just froze up. Too bad. They stare at me incredulously as I walk away from them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3358", 
            "content": "(04/08/98)[\"Lesbian Math\"]  I am seated on a couch. A man and a woman are on my left. The man is sleeping at the far left. The woman is nodding off. She sits between me and the man. I decide to look at a book a woman wrote about math problems that aren't generally explained. It is a study guide. This one problem is about explaining the line that is drawn through the bottom denominator which denotes the seller. As I open the book, some of the pages tear off like pages off a notepad. I try to put them back together. I think I would be interested in learning this  obscure math problem. Now a landlady of the apartments I'm in is seated on my right. She is complaining about how she and her husband have to quit the manager job because they expect them to move book cases and so on. Too hard for them with their disability. She then starts singing a silly song about lesbians. \"Look them in the eye, now you have to look them in the O.\" She laughs. I feel a bit uncomfortable that she is talking about lesbian sex, but shrug my shoulders and enjoy the song as it is cute, the pun on eye and I. Apparently the letter O means orgasm or the vagina opening."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3359", 
            "content": "(04/08/98)[\"Disabled boy on my lap\"]  I am in a gym. Some women are at one end. A young boy in a wheelchair is near me. I ask him if he wants to sit in my lap. I am also in a wheelchair. He nods yes. He has Cerebral Palsy. I move my wheelchair close to him and see he is strapped in. I realize I will have to unstrap him and lift him into my lap as he can't do it himself. I am concerned I can't do it, but I try and am successful. He is light. I hold him in the chair and drive around. I stop in front of a mirror. We smile at seeing our reflection. Other children and women come over and stand with us and I have a camera and try to take pictures of us all in the mirror. I keep hitting the button at the wrong time but manage to get some pictures. Now the boy is a man and is seated at a counter across the gym. I drive over to talk and hit the precarious counter and some things tumble over. I apologize and we chat. I guess he likes one of the women at the other end of the gym. I ask him to tell me which one. He hesitates. I then think he is worried as his counselor I will go try to get her to like him. I assure him I will keep the information confidential and will not do anything. I am just curious to see if I guessed right which woman it is. He tells me it is the woman with black pants, dark hair and a T-shirt with writing on it. I go to see and sure enough, I was right."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3360", 
            "content": "(04/28/98)[\"Man Loves me\"]  I am a young woman dressed in a beautiful evening gown. I am walking down a long flight of stairs, reach a platform and then down another flight of stairs. A young man is at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me. He is dressed in a tuxedo. He is in awe of my beauty. He loves me. I walk to him and he puts his hands on my shoulders and looks lovingly into my eyes. He is completely and awesomely in love with me. I feel loved and special."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3361", 
            "content": "(06/04/98)[\"Buddha Belly\"]  I am riding a small short stool on wheels. I am outside going down a street. I see Merle in his wheelchair slightly behind me. I wave and smile. I round a corner and now am using two short metal things to push myself along. It is going well. I look to my left and see another man in a wheelchair and we smile and wave. I look ahead and see two women friends, college age. They are seated in an outdoor restaurant. They wave. I nod and go to where they are. Now I am inside a restaurant and passing a long bar with men seated at it. I am wearing a very short mini-skirt. The waist has moved down to  reveal my fat Buddha belly. A man whistles appreciatively. I am pleased. I get to the big booth my friends are at and slide on to the bench. I pull up the waist of my skirt and whisper happily to one woman that I got whistled at. Now three young good looking men crawl past me to sit with the other men  in our booth. I comment on how cute they are. Two other women try to sit on my left. Now the group is moving back toward me and I slide back to the edge of the bench, making the two new women move. It is all very friendly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3362", 
            "content": "(06/04/98)[\"Cat hats\"]  I am in a room. I guess I am at Rochelle's house. She is coming on to me. I am annoyed and tell her to stop it. She persists and I decide to leave. I am angry at her for persisting. I walk down the street. I am carrying some glass art objects that are blue colored and shaped like fluted clam shells. They are very pretty. I see an art gallery and walk up the stairs to the entrance. I feel adventurous because I know Rochelle wanted to go here later and I don't want to run into her, but I think it will be fun to be here for awhile. I go in. A woman who works there comes up to me and is interested in my art objects. We walk down a wide hall to another partitioned show room. A man is selling cloth cat shaped dolls and hats. I start to rearrange them and as I do, they are sort of alive and moving. He likes the new way I placed them. Now I return to the entrance. I want to leave before I see Rochelle. I am carrying a long pretty blue dress with a small pin on it that has a price tag of $29.95. A young woman comes over and watches as I spread the dress out on the floor and we look at it admiringly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3363", 
            "content": "(06/22/98)[\"You must marry me\"]  I am a young beautiful woman. A handsome but isolated man adores me. He  is abrupt and silent about his feelings but they are strong. He loves  me. He orders me to marry him. He says I can not leave his mansion until I agree to be his bride. I refuse to be forced. He watches as I go about my daily tasks. I go outside and find a bright red sports car all frozen in ice, I push it around to get into the drivers seat. It slides like it is on ice. I thaw it out enough to get in. I pull off the sidewalk into the street. A car full of young men beep and wave, calling out to me. I ignore them. I drive down the street, turning right at a light, Now  am back in the mansion. I am carefully gathering up information about the man who loves me. I begin to understand him and appreciate him. Now I am attracted to him. He invites me to dine with him. I take great care in dressing up as beautifully as I can. He is filled with desire and longing for me. I feel the strength of his feelings. I tell him he must let me go. He can't bear to do that. I know he must do that so that I can come to him of my own free will. It is  a powerful emotional struggle for him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3364", 
            "content": "(06/29/98)[\"Monsters From Inside and Unrequited Love\"]  A young woman is very unhappy. She is in love and her man left her. She is distraught. A woman friend and I watch her closely, concerned she will try to kill herself in her distress. She climbs up a large tree with a full canopy, scrambling from branch to branch. I say to my friend that we should get her down from there. I grab her as she passes and pull her out of the tree. She is upset with me. I sit her down and start talking to her. I say, Now listen to me. I am a counselor and have learned a few things also in my own life. You feel that what is happening to you has only ever happened to just you. It is universal. There are three things that can happen when the inevitable happens and two people's eyes meet and they fall in love. One is that the other does not return the love and you will have unrequited love. The second is that they will love you and you do not return their love and they have unrequited love. The third is that you both fall in love and all is well. So you see, it just happens. And you figure out how to live with it. Later, I see Mabel wandering around. She comes into the room I am in not noticing that a large killing monster is around. I grab her and tell her about the danger. She doesn't seem to be concerned, like she is deaf to the reality. I and several other people are preparing to fight off the monster. I have a knife. Another has a rifle. The monster comes in. The real danger is the small entity that lives in the monster. I have to get it out of the monster and kill it before it gets us. Somehow we get the monster laid down on the floor and I use my knife to cut papers shavings to start a fire to burn it. The monster pays no attention to me. I find a lighter and start the fire. One large square eye opens then. I have the monster's attention. I try to stab it with the knife but the blade falls off the handle. I wish now I had the rifle as it is the real weapon that will work against the small entity inside. The monster now laughs at me and I see a larger more scary monster approaching me from the hall. It is the really dangerous one coming after me. I look around for the man with the rifle hoping I can get it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3365", 
            "content": "(07/10/98)[\"Swimming With a bird\"]  I am preparing for a performance. It is almost time for it to start. I start looking for the dress I will wear. I search through the rack of clothes and can't find the one I'm supposed to wear. A woman comes over and finds the blue velvet dress. I am looking for a tape of music I might want to use, but realize that it would be a waste of time to get it now. The program is already fixed. Now I am in the dress and Bill Domhoff and Bob Van de Castle are there to examine my mind. I will go into a trance of some kind and they will analyze what is in there. They are very interested in this research. After they examined me, I suddenly jump into a swimming pool. In the pool is a small swimming white speckled bird, sort of like a penguin in shape. It is swimming around the edges of the pool. I twirl around, dress and all, and swim with him. Bill watches as I'm still in my trance state. The bird goes underwater and I follow. It is fun and the bird and I watch each other in a friendly way. We playfully swim together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3366", 
            "content": "(07/11/98)[\"Outer Space and Quiet love\"]  I am a part of a team that is flying to another planet to either spy on or help them with a new energy system. The leader is a nice man like Glenn F. We are in a spaceship. We arrive at a planet and go to the university. Several young women are with us as volunteers to the project.  They want to go get  some lunch. I say there are lots of places to eat, but you have to pay for your own food. This upsets one woman, with dark hair. She thinks the project should pay for their entire way. I say that would be too expensive. I walk with them down a hall to a cafeteria area.  Glenn comes up to me and we talk. We are going to find the leader of the planet and get or give information on this dynamic energy system. Then Glenn gently kisses me, almost like a accident. I am a bit surprised., but enjoy it. We chat and he kisses me again. I wonder if he is just being friendly or if he is attracted to me. I hope he is attracted to me because I really like him. Now he sits on a couch. Another man is already seated there. It is a three cushion couch and  I go over to sit near Glenn. I ask the other man to scoot over and make room for me. He grumbles and says that would require him to get up and go change clothes. I look at him, waiting. He sighs and gets up. I sit close to Glenn. He kisses me again, this time with more lingering feeling. It is gentle and sweet. Now he is going to walk me home. I am now in my wheelchair and we chat as we walk down the hall. We come to the door of my apartment. He has some studying to do and so he comes in to lay on my couch and study. At the door, I get up out of my wheelchair and walk in. I am trying to show him that I can walk like an able-bodied person and maybe he'll find me more attractive. My daughter Ellie is there and she quickly sees that he and I want to be alone. She excuses herself to the other room. I walk over to the couch and sit next to him. I ask him if he's a fast reader or a slow reader. I am trying to help him study better. I seem to think he has a learning disability and is a bit slow with school work, although he is an intelligent person. He says he has some trouble but not much. Now it's time for him to go. I walk him out the door and down the hall. We pause and say goodbye. I turn and walk back to my apartment door. He calls to me and comes back. He then says will I go see a movie with him on Sunday. I smile, and inwardly I feel very happy and excited. I say yes, I'd like that. He smiles, walks away and I close the door, and hear him shout All Right!! Which is what I am inwardly shouting myself. I am very happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3367", 
            "content": "(07/11/98)[\"Ignoring the dead woman who isn't dead\"]  I am at an open area like a wide sidewalk with shops lining it. I walk toward a shop and see a woman lying on the parking area right next to the sidewalk. She looks dead. I am a bit concerned but I don't do anything. I decide to leave and start to walk to my car. A man comes by the woman's body and I stop and watch as he sees her and is very upset. He paces and thinks what to do. I wonder if he will leave her there. He thinks about leaving her but decides he must call the authorities. I am beginning to realize that I should have done that. I feel a bit guilty. I walk back towards the scene. As I start to pass the body, she gets up suddenly. She had been in some kind of trance or unconscious  and suddenly awoke. She is a bit disoriented and groggy but all right. I am amazed and really feel bad now about not being helpful. She was still alive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3368", 
            "content": "(07/11/98)[\"My Mother's knife\"]  I am driving back and forth along a wide sidewalk in a 1983 Chevy. It looks like a 1950's car, a convertible. Some young man asks about the car. He likes it. Now I turn the corner to the right and go in a house. My brother Jake is there. He picks up a sharp paring knife. I tell him that's my favorite knife. It has the tip of the blade broken off. I remember it was Mother's knife. I look at the knife again. The tip is back in place. I throw it at the wall and it sticks in. I was just putting it somewhere so I could find it again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3369", 
            "content": "(07/12/98)[\"Loving connection and Nyquil\"]  I am a young innocent woman, living with my family. A young man, Roger, from an old soap opera, loves me. I am attracted to him, but so innocent I am unawakened, sexually. He gives me a drink of Nyquill. We talk. He stands very close to me and I enjoy the feeling of being close to him. He gives me another drink of Nyquill. Now he kisses me. It is sensuous, delicious. I warm up to him. We are standing up, leaning against a wall and each other. We continue kissing and it keeps getting more seriously loving and sensual. This is an innocent age and I have now crossed the line of propriety in a relationship. So we decide, still drinking the Nyquill, to run away together. We sneak out of the house, carrying two cocooned babies. I open a small hole in the cocoon and reveal the red Nyquill they need to grow on. We leave to live a life together with our babies."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3370", 
            "content": "(07/13/98)[\"Back at work\"]  I am back at work in the counseling department. Mabel hands me a small cup of water and tells me to take it to Jason for his son. I am walking through the halls looking for the room. I walk a long way and feel very tired. I decide to take a short cut. I go to a wall that has a small broken hole in it. Several disabled people are seated nearby. They are sitting quietly, resigned. I see the hole is too small for me and particularly for my purse. I am very frustrated because this means I will have to walk the long way around. I say out loud, I hate being disabled. I feel bad then because of the other disabled people there. I continue walking. I am now walking down a long hall in the basement floor. I see my co-worker Jerry walking with a bad limp. He hurries past me. Then he comes back and walks with me to help me find my way. I finally arrive at a long table where the counselors are seated in a row. I walk to Jason's place and hand him the cup of water, which is now partly empty because some spilled. Now I look up to the ceiling and see a grate. Through the grate I see a group of the counselors seated in their lounge area. Hank is talking. He is looking down where I am and commenting that he didn't realize that the two rooms could see and hear each other. He is surprised. The counselors used to have this room. And the students were in the above room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3371", 
            "content": "(07/14/98)[\"Blue Piano and a woman dying\"]  I am knitting a sweater. I have the right half of it done and most of the shawl back. I am running out of yarn. I am in a house. Suddenly, my yarn is pulled into another room. I follow it and tell Ernie that I think the woman I am knitting this sweater for is telling me I don't have to finish it. I want to finish it though. I think the woman is dying and I want to do this for her. I go to a corner where I am looking for another yarn skein. I see a bright red one. The sweater is a pale blue. Or gray. I put the right side on and see it fits perfectly, the hem right at the top of my waist. Now I am in another room and a woman in a blue bathrobe is sitting. She is dying. Her mother and her brother sit on her left. They are holding her hand and being supportive and sympathetic and sad. I hold her right hand. Another woman is at my right watching and also sympathetic to the dying woman. Her hand is square and blunt. Her arms thin and angular. I feel very sad she is dying. She strokes my hand. She is seated in front of a tiny blue piano, a very small baby grand piano. I admire it and wonder if maybe she would give it to me when she dies. It would fit in my tiny house pretty well. Then I feel guilty for having such material thoughts when she is dying. How selfish of me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3372", 
            "content": "(07/16/98)[\"War and Uncle Gus the Vulture\"]  I  am in a  house, maybe Aunt Esther's. It is a resort I am visiting. War broke out and it is time to pack up and leave. I think at first that I will only take essential things but as I look around I see many things I had brought that I don't want to leave behind. Knick knacks, pretty boxes and so on. I begin to gather them up and pack them. I wish I hadn't brought so much stuff. I remember that a young man who is now at war left his quartz crystal in my keeping. I go to the hutch to get it. I see several small ones. I'm not sure which one is his. I take several just in case, also aware that they aren't mine, but I kind of like them. I feel a bit guilty. I put them in a small pink pouch with a drawstring top. I work hard at keeping that pouch close by and not getting packed  under lots of things. It is important to deliver it to the man. I realize I don't know where my clothes are an call out for help. I am agitated. A woman, a younger version of my mother comes over and says calm down. She will help me. We walk to the cabin we'd been staying in. By now most people have packed and fled. There are rows of black purses left behind in the rush. I look at them and say none are mine. My mother likes one of them with a lacy pattern and suggests we take it. I say no. It's not ours. I see Boomer and pick him up to take him with us. He struggles and tries to get away. I hold tight. My mother sees a pair of pajamas for a toddler. She takes it because she likes it and puts Fluffy in it to carry her like a baby. We walk back to the house. I go in and see photos laying on a table. I wonder if they were left out for me to take. They are photos of Abner, Darcy and me in a coastal town that I know. I look around and see a cousin, perhaps Dora. I ask her if I am supposed to take these. She hesitates and then says no. I don't think so. I look at each one. I see a series of picture of Darcy posing as a young girl in pretty clothes, black and lacy, which show off her budding womanly figure. I see a photo of Uncle Gus as a young man. He is handsome. Then I see a photo of him older and walking. It is a side view and I notice that his neck is crooked and shaped like a Vulture's neck. I wonder if he is alive. I should talk to him. Now I leave the house. I get into a jeep and drive up a steep mud road. It is hard going and I think that soon it will be flat and paved and I will have an easier time. I look forward to that. But I turn a corner and am in the hall with the wall blocking the road. I am stuck. Then I am in a field. Shooting is going on and I crouch, my back protected by a fallen log. I am scared and hope I don't get hit with bullets. The battle is pretty intense. I get into a deep pond with a moose and the two of us stand there, covered by the water, hiding from the war."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3373", 
            "content": "(07/17/98)[\"Volcanos\"]  I am looking at an image on a wall. It is a volcano erupting on the East Coast. Near New York City. I watch as the melting lava area gets larger and larger. I realize New York City has been totally covered and it is still getting bigger. Now it is clear that the entire world will be covered. I see the land all barren and rocky. No vegetation, nothing. I am aware that only a few people survived this catastrophe. They live in rocky caves. Now I look in front of me and see a huge long phallic looking outcropping of rock which is the core plug from the original site of the eruption. A woman is in a hot air balloon floating above it. She, another woman and a man are descending down the ropes to explore this rock. They precariously go down the ropes looking like they could fall to their death at any moment. The rock is surrounded by a deep open abyss. Now the woman looks past me. I turn and look and see a rooster. I am surprised and glad to see there are animals left. I then see two nanny goats. The woman wonders and hopes there is a male goat as well. I see a quail. There is hope for survival on this decimated planet."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3374", 
            "content": "(07/18/98)[\"Disfigured face and cheating\"]  I am at some program the children are putting on. There is a series of different skits. It is finished and I am walking to a table to get some lunch. A woman teacher sits on the right. I see several empty spots and reach for a chair. Gordon is headed for the same chair and there is some confusion. I finally ask him if he is going to be sitting there. I then sit down. The woman is watching me closely. Someone says don't leave your purse on that shelf, lined up with the rest. It's an easy mark and someone will steal it. I put my purse there anyway, as I don't believe there is a danger. Now, Mary Sue and I are standing somewhere and she has a disfigured face with many scars. I am telling her not to be so embarrassed and sensitive about it. People get used to things and they don't bother them after awhile.  I tell her that people got used  to her blindness, why is this different? She insists that this is different. She remains in hiding. Now I am seated at a table with Mary Sue and Lucy. That same woman is watching us closely. Lucy has to fill out a quiz about the program we saw earlier. She can't remember the sequence of the skits and asks me to fill it out for her. I start to and then become very aware of the woman watching. I realize I am helping Lucy cheat. I stop and say no. I can't do this. This is cheating. Somewhere in this dream, I see a small golden and white kitten seated on a blanket with a pile of clothes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3375", 
            "content": "(07/20/98)[\"Aliens and Capt. Picard\"]  I am in an old run down apartment building. I walk fearfully into my bedroom. There are weird little metallic spiders. Capt. Picard comes in to examine them. He has a detector machine and we hear the things humming a high pitched sound. They gather up in a swarm and come at us. We run. They are aliens and are going to attack us. We get into an elevator. One of the aliens gets in and is plump and white like a small puppy. It tried to sting me. I grasp it and fight it off, throwing it to the floor. One goes for Capt. Picard. We struggle but they win and overcome us. Now we are on their planet, held prisoners. We must escape. I run down old dilapidated halls. They follow. Now one of them looks like a German soldier. He throws me to the ground and lies on top of me to rape me. I push him off and grab him by his toes and drag him down the hall. I see a sign on the wall saying Gender Toes. It means their sexual organs are in their toes. I release him and run to the elevator to escape with the others. I get in, he chases after me, I slam the door. He forces it open. I hit him forcefully. He falls and I escape, just barely."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3376", 
            "content": "(07/22/98)[\"Love Blooms and I am healing.\"]  I am at a conference with the other counselors from work.  Tyler is seated near me. We chat. I am rooming with Phyllis. We are going to cross the street to wade in the ocean. As we start to cross, cars race past nearly hitting us. Phyllis is scared and refuses to try and cross the street again. I look to my right and see two curved streets coming into our street. I step forward out into the street to see more clearly. I see a clearing and run across the street calling to Phyllis to follow. She does. We get to the sand and walk to the ocean edge. I see large chunks of broken ice floating in the water. I am surprised. That will be cold!! We walk along the edge. Then I look again and see that there is a long series of shower curtains pulled closed at the water's edge. We can't see the ocean. Now I return to the conference. Time to do some sort of project. I take a poem of mine to share. I try to etch it on glass. It is not working right. I try to find the room in the basement where this meeting is being held and I am getting lost. I finally find it. Now, I am in a house. It is big with lots of rooms. I have returned from the conference with the counselors. I am unpacking. Cherie is there to help. I see that my bookcase is still gone and a few other things. They aren't put back from unpacking. I walk out to the living room from my bedroom (which has glass French doors). I am glad to be home. Apparently my mother isn't back from work yet. The place is quiet. I like that. I walk into the kitchen. Now I see my mother driving into the house. I wonder how she managed that. I guess she made  the front door accessible for the car. She stops at the door to the next room and pushes an automatic door opener button. The door opens and she drives through. I don't remember having that before. Jerome comes in. He is friendly and chatting about the conference we were at. I am surprised but pleased he is so friendly. We laugh about some amusing incidents at the conference. He asks to see my project pictures from the conference. I go to a loft area and jump up there to get the pictures. With great ease, I get back down by holding on to the edge with my hands and easily letting myself down with only a short drop to the floor. I am surprised and happy to see I can do this. I walk, noticing how comfortable it is. I am in the kitchen with Jerome leaning on the counter. I show him the pictures. He touches me in a supporting friendly way, his hand on my arm or shoulder. I enjoy this. He likes the pictures and we continue talking. I see a large dark horse walking through the house. Jerome opens the refrigerator to find ice cream. He hands me a gallon container with multi colored ice cream called \"something Mateo.\" He gets another container out and we eat right out of the containers laughing and talking. I feel very happy. I share with him some stories from the conference, things that happened, like when Phyllis and I tried to cross the street and the cars kept racing by. He is kind and supportive, more frequently standing very close to me and touching me in a friendly way. It is pleasurable. He sits on the floor and I slide down the wall and sit with him, commenting that it feels wonderful to be able to do this again. I tell him that lately I've been feeling better and stronger. I see my reflection in a glass and I see my hands. I rub them together. I say I sure hope this means I'm healing. But I've been here before. We'll see. He smiles at me. Now I see the dark horse again. Jerome and I decide I will ride him. Jerome helps me get on his bare back. We walk to the front door. As the horse is walking down the steps I slide up his neck precariously. Jerome steadies me and tells me to sit back near his back shoulders. I do and it is now comfortable and safe. We walk through a field where I see two tractors with hay mowing attachments racing each other. Jerome hops on the back of the horse behind me. It feels very good to have his arms around me, holding me securely. I am aware that we are sexually attracted to each other. I am also aware he is married. We ride for awhile. Then we get off the horse and kiss. It is sexually exciting. He pulls back, saying. I can't. My wife. I say I know. You have to leave. We kiss one more time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3377", 
            "content": "(07/23/98)[\"Beautiful Music Becomes A Chore\"]  Whoopie Goldberg has wonderful musical talent. She plays a piano piece and impresses this group of people searching for the best piano players. She plays a piece and the judges in the next room behind the observation window count each note for duration and intensity. She is very good. They want her to do more and then more and then more. She sits at the piano in a tiny room and plays piece after piece. Then the people take this and sell it or do something with it to their advantage. The music is beautiful. After a long time, she grows weary of being constantly working and not getting appreciated. The people keep insisting she continue. She rebels and leaves. She finds a tiny apartment and sits in there looking out the window. She sees a cat and a dog, possibly hers. She throws a steak down to the sidewalk for them to eat. Then she decides to take her precious jewelry (three necklaces of black hematite pearls) to throw away into a river. She walks to the river, looking for a place where she can throw the necklaces away. But the sandy bank is long and the water out of throwing distance. A man playing a baseball game in the nearby field sees her. He seems to understand what she wants to do. He walks over to her and leads her to a rail where you can drop things down into a man's booth. If the stone or gem lands in a bowl of similar gems, you get more. He drops a pretty amethyst gem into a bowl and gets some back. She tries it too and succeeds as well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3378", 
            "content": "(07/27/98)[\"Landslides\"]  I am at some performance area, like an outdoor stadium built into the hillside. I am looking for an aisle I can walk up. But each aisle is crowded with people. I finally find one at the end and walk up it. Now at the top I am walking across mountainous terrain. Suddenly, a  landslide slide starts under my feet and I scramble hard to move off it without falling. Each time I get to a more secure footing, a new landslide would start. I scramble hard until I reach the edge where it is more secure."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3379", 
            "content": "(07/28/98)[\"Shaky Ponds And Love\"]  I am walking with my sister Lydia, my brothers Dwight and Jake.  Another man, perhaps a distant cousin, named James is with us.  We are looking at many tables and booths where people are selling jewelry and other items.  Someone is dragging a long white sheet.  I lie down on the sheet, thinking it is funny.  Dwight is upset, and says get off the sheet.  There are hites on the sheet, and they will hurt you. They will bite you.  I laugh, not too worried, but I do get up and walk.  We go up and down many levels, looking at all the things on the tables.  I decide I want a long beautiful crystal necklace.  I turn back and walk to those tables.  A short round man follows me.  He professes his love to me.  I keep walking.  I looked to my left. I see a large pond.  It is shaking and the water is very active.  I say oh, No. Do we have  to cross this pond again?  As we continue walking, I see that we can walk around it.  And now James has decided he loves me.  He calls a friend over, to witness his proposal of marriage.  He holds his arms out to me, and I walked to him to hug him.  We are going to be married. The other man has found another woman and they love each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3380", 
            "content": "(07/31/98)[\"Hollywood\"]  Burt Lancaster and I are sitting close together. He asks me when I went to Hollywood. I laugh and say I was there. He says did you get auditions? What happened? He is expecting to hear that I was a success as an actress. I laugh and say I had to leave. The vacation was over and my parents had to go home. It was a great joke."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3381", 
            "content": "(08/01/98)[\"Church In Basement, Machine Guns\"]  I am in a friend's house. She is very ill. Someone is after her. I am trying to help her. I walk carefully out the front door with a gun. I threaten the people to back off. They are trying to find a special treasure. I see a mud puddle by a door to another part of the house. I feel in the water for the treasure. The water slowly drains away. I see some ceramic figures in the muddy bottom, but not the special treasure. I now see a door to a church in the basement of the house. I am looking down a long distance. A woman from the church looks up at me and I signal her. She nods and goes to another room and returns with the golden treasure. An urn. I nod again and she takes it back to the safe it was kept in. I jump down into the church. The people are after me and I run through the halls. I see church women, friends of my friend, who are happy to see me here again. I peek into a couple of rooms to see other women doing classes and so on. I get to the room next to the safe. A group of people are seated in a circle. I run in. The bad people are shooting and the seated people scatter, running for safety. The room is now an open field next to the large building. One machine gun is up on a high wall and shooting. I see one woman walking into the dangerous area. I notice it is Monica Lewinsky. I wonder if we'll see Bill Clinton next. The machine gun chatter keeps getting stronger and faster. I look again from my hiding place and see a long series of garbage cans stretched out with perhaps 5 or 6 machine guns in a circle at the end. A gatlin gun. It is spewing bullets all over and is now moving toward me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3382", 
            "content": "(08/01/98)[\"Tap Dancing With Michael J. Fox\"]  Michael J. Fox is in a relationship with another young woman. He had been in relationship with me. Now the three of us are friends and Michael is mine again. We are tap dancing down a series of steps. None of us can dance for real, but we shuffle our feet and make a lot of noise. We are having fun and showing off our friendship to anyone who might be curious."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3383", 
            "content": "(08/01/98)[\"Marijuana and Radio Interference\"]  I am in a house. A group of women are here to do some project. I am clearing off the dining table. My baby is sitting quietly in a high chair near me. I take a sponge and wipe off lots of crumbs. I'm a bit embarrassed there is so much of a mess. I am in a hurry, so the women don't notice. The plastic tablecloth is actually two of them with different prints sort of stuck together. It doesn't look good. I am quickly thinking if I have any glue or stuff the women will need for the scrap books they are making. I look over to the baby and she is nearly buried under cloth and stuff from the clean up. I feel bad. I tell Ellie, sitting nearby, to put her to bed. I realize it is 9 pm  and she should have been in bed sooner. I feel guilty. Ellie is annoyed I asked her to do this. I glare at her and insist. She leaves with the baby. Now the secretary of state, a woman, enters the room. Some woman is announcing her arrival and how this is related to the use of marijuana as a medicinal plant. I realize they had planted some marijuana in our back yard for this evening's event. We are to get stoned before we do the project. I run out the back door to the garden. I see a man pulling up a marijuana plant by the roots and walking away with it. I see green beans thick on the vines. I go back in to confront the women. I tell them I am upset they would plant marijuana in my parents garden without consulting us. They laugh and say it's not a problem, because the law says you can for medicinal purposes. There's only a small chance of being arrested. I feel silly for making such a fuss, but feel compelled to continue. I half-heartedly explain how upset I am."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3384", 
            "content": "(08/02/98)[\"Pleasant Ghosts\"]  I am in a house. Apparently, I bought it. My relatives are helping me move in. Uncle Lionel comes in the back door with some things. I say, put them in the refrigerator. He goes to a side room I have not explored yet. I say, no, not that room. The kitchen. I then go into the room to see what's in there. There is a second room beyond that one. I look around, pleasantly surprised to see old beautiful curio cabinets, with dark woods and curved glass. Two of the smaller cabinets are crooked. I see a small window that looks into my bedroom. Near it is a picture of some old man, maybe the old gentleman who used to own this house. He is long dead. As I look at the picture, it becomes animated. He smiles at me. We talk. I go into yet another room between my bedroom, where I can see my unmade bed, and the room with the picture. Lots of interesting things are in there. I see this room opens into yet another series of rooms. I start to walk toward the door but hear  someone peeing and realize the old man is using the toilet there. I turn and walk back into the curio room. I see another picture where a series of faces appear. Ugly old fat men, one of whom has an open ulcerated sore on his face. These are the old friends of the old man. They are chatting about how when his wife died, he was.. At that point, the old man comes in and they shut up. We all pretend we weren't talking about him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3385", 
            "content": "(08/02/98)[\"Grade A Papers\"]  I am attending a conference. A large crowd is in a large room. As I come in, the star of the entertainment Buddy C., a comedian, takes my purse. Someone else takes my wallet to put somewhere for safe keeping. This seems quite normal. I feel fine about it. I sit on the ground. I look high up at a balcony where we are watching a news reporter and Buddy C. doing a comedy routine of funny faces and pauses. I am surprised old sober sides the reporter can be funny. He hams it up. Now it is time to leave. I ask a man, like Charles of the conference in California, if I may borrow his car. He happily agrees. I walk around a graveled hill to the gas station parking lot. I get into his fancy black car and drive. I am conscious of being very careful so I don't hurt the car. I feel responsible. I return to the same spot and get out of the car. I clean up my piles of papers from the conference. I see several of my reports I wrote at the conference. One has a big red \"A\" on it. I say to a woman friend Last year I didn't even turn in a report. The year before that I got a boring \"b\" minus. I am very proud of my important \"A\" grade. I pick up many small scraps of paper I had made cutouts with. I want to return the car in good condition."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3386", 
            "content": "(08/04/98)[\"Diapering The Eagle Baby\"]  I am on some high cliff. A young baby eagle named Jack is gliding on the up draft. I join him. It is a wonderful feeling. Later, I am diapering the baby eagle which looks like a human baby and yet is an eagle. The face is cute and chubby. I enjoy taking care of him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3387", 
            "content": "(08/04/98)[\"Buddy Guy And I\"]  I am in an auditorium. There is a music concert of blues there. The seats are like theatre seats, raked up. I am seated up toward the top. I am looking down at the performance area, watching the two black men playing their guitars and singing the blues. They are good. One comes up the aisle still playing his guitar. It is Buddy Guy. He sees me and smiles. He nods at me, inviting me to walk with him and dance. We slide down the row of theatre seats  in a gliding dancing motion. It is great fun. We are in rhythm and enjoying this together. We dance back up the aisle. Now we are close together, attracted and feeling warm and loving. I tell him he is being discounted and not used up to his potential by these other people who are more interested in their own egos. He sees it my way and we decide to break off from the music group he was with and go out on our own."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3388", 
            "content": "(08/05/98)[\"God Chooses Me\"]  I am in a huge mansion on the edge of a high cliff that drops straight down to the ocean. I feel a small shake of an earthquake. For awhile, there are only occasional small shakes, but it builds up to a nasty earthquake. I look out the window worried the house will fall off the cliff and smash into the ocean. I hear a huge crash and see that a big wave came up and broke the window on the other wall. I decide it is time to pack and leave. I think about what I should pack. What is most essential. I get my pills. Then I remember my writing and pack some of that. I find some clothes on the floor and my toothbrush. I am fairly calm and moving slowly even though the earthquake continues. Now I look up at the ceiling in time to see a tidal wave entirely engulf the house. Now I am scared and hurry. Howard comes in. We say hi and I continue rushing to pack. He leaves. Suddenly I look out the window on the ocean side again and see a tall dark figure floating toward me. It has black plastic armor on and a long black lance. The pointed end of it is coming straight at me. I realize this is God and he is choosing me for something. Now I realize I have been chosen to coordinate the writers. I gather up the empty writing books to give to the writers as they arrive. They slowly trickle in. I give each one their book. I pick up a letter Howard sent me. It begins with the word \"Honey.\" He describes the new building he moved into. Brick with marking of circles and squares on each window. An old high school friend comes in. I find his old high school writing book and give it to him. I say he can choose to finish the stuff he started, or write new stuff. We chat about the days when we were in a writing group together. He said collaboration with me was really good. The other group member, Mary was OK, but not like we were together as a writing team."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3389", 
            "content": "(08/05/98)[\"Ladies Social Group\"]  I am sitting in the first row of chairs at a women's group meeting. The woman on my left is dishing out pot roast dinner. I see she hands it to the row behind us. I point out I didn't get any. She says the other woman asked first. I wait, hoping as it passes by, I can get some. Then I am distracted by some project we are doing, involving wrapping a yarn around a stick and covering it loop by loop. I am wrapping the stick and listening to the woman speaker at the front of the room. I manage to make a mess. Then I notice I'm not doing it right. I had started it one way and now I'm doing it another way. I lay it down on the floor. The meeting is over and I get up to go. I leave the stuff on the floor and see the other woman cleaning up after me. I feel bad, but I don't do anything about it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3390", 
            "content": "(08/08/98)[\"Unusual sexual organs\"]  Darryl is there. I want us to be together but he somehow is there and yet not available to be with. There is some narration going on. I see the images of two male  penis's, both extremely  slim and small, like a baboon's. The narrator is explaining to these men how to enter my vagina. I see my butt as I am curled up sleeping, naked. The narrator describes how to open the vagina to insert the penis. As I watch, I see my skinny butt, and the vagina opening. I see eyes in the vagina, looking around. Later, I am knitting a sweater. In a class with other women. The sweater is on the wall. I say to it. Become as big as the wall, and it transforms to that size. I keep giving it instructions and it keeps changing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3391", 
            "content": "(08/10/98)[\"Sweet Love And Howard's Heart\"]  I am with Al Pacino.  He loves me and wants us to be together. I finally agree and we sweetly make love. I hold his face in my hands and love him. We are both happy. Later, Al is sort of Howard. I feel surprised that we made love. I am uncertain if this is  OK. Later, Howard is lying down on the ground. I lay my head on his chest and feel the uneven bulging  pounding of his heart. I am worried. This isn't healthy. Howard could die. Later I see a cat like Fluffy standing on her tiptoes on her hind legs carrying a small purse. I think she looks cute. There is some distance now between Howard and me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3392", 
            "content": "(08/30/98)[\"Burt's Manly Organ\"]  Burt Lancaster works in the Old Queen's palace. He is peeking out a door into the hall to see the Old Queen. She sees him peeking and is annoyed. He goes into another room and gets the young beautiful red haired woman drunk and seduces her. A narrating voice points out that Burt has the biggest and best \"manly organ\" there is. He is a swashbuckling guy that can't be entirely trusted."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3393", 
            "content": "(08/30/98)[\"Heart Attack\"]  I live in a large building downtown. I go outside and talk to two women who are going to do some work for me, but I haven't been doing the work I need to do, before they can do their work. I tell them I'll get right to it. I don't really want to, but I feel obligated to say that. They are both sitting in rocking chairs. They know I don't really mean what I said. I tell them one of the rocking chairs needs to be put back in the house for me. They agree. I go back into the house, the Work Barn section. I am feeling overwhelmed by all the work to do. I lie down and feel a heart attack. I become unconscious. I then revive and dial 911 on a telephone. A woman operator asks me if I need help. I say with difficulty yes. I've had a heart attack. I'm in the work barn part of the house. I can't remember the address. I struggle to remember, thinking it might be Connecticut. I blurt out my name, Barb Anders. She assures me someone will come to help. I have another heart attack and become unconscious  again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3394", 
            "content": "(09/07/98)[\"Seth And The Kitten\"]  I am walking through a long old building that is a series of rooms like in a museum. Each room has a special book collection from different countries and from ancient ages. I enter the Tibetan Book Of The Dead room and am very excited to see this exhibit. I see a Japanese room and look at the book covers which look like an old dream journal book of mine. I also see some books with a purple swirl pattern. I am now in a large room with some other women. A man comes to the door, from the prince. I am invited somewhere. I can't find my kitten and am sad. I am called outside where I see some kittens, including the cute fuzzy gray one that is mine. I am told to call to it. Someone is calling \"Here Kitty, here kitty.\" I say to the cat, \"Pasele\" I explain it is important to just let the kitty come as it wishes, giving it encouragement, not demands. It comes to me and I pick it up, cuddling it happily. Now I am in another room with Seth, Mary Ann and Katrina and several other women. Seth is very antsy and keeps hitting my chair and annoying me. He bumps me so hard I hit my knee on a corner, hurting myself. I automatically turn around and slap him on his head. Then I hold his head, rubbing the hurt place and trying to explain to him how much he hurt me. Mary Ann is very upset with me. I feel ashamed and guilty. I wish I hadn't lashed out so automatically."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3395", 
            "content": "(09/07/98)[\"Walking and Losing The Crowd\"]  I decide I will walk on a long hike with a group of people. My Aunt Naomi, Aunt Charlotte and Bonnie are also on this hike. It seems to be all women. My Aunt Charlotte saves a place for me near the front of the line. We begin the hike. I walk around and come back to the line and can't find Aunt Charlotte. I ask Aunt Naomi where she is. She says Aunt Charlotte decided not to come on the hike. I am a bit upset, as it was she who promised to save me a space up front. I feel badly about cutting in line. I realize I need to go pee. I leave the line in search of a bathroom. I find one. The door opening is odd. The toilet is directly in the doorway, facing into the little bathroom. In order to shut the door, I pull a small segment of the door over the toilet and then shut a second segment of the door with straps on it. I think about just leaving it open, but decide to go to the extra work of closing it. I then pee. A woman from the group comes in and angrily tells me I wasn't supposed to leave the group. I'm in trouble now. I now go back to join the group. They are gone and I don't know which way they went. I feel nervous about finding them. I feel upset that I am walking for such long distances. I don't know if I'll make it. I feel tired already. The hike seems too long for me to manage. I see a woman and ask her where the group went. She says they went to the Shanghai District of the city. I am surprised because that is such a short distance away. I realize they are taking it easy the first day to help us build up endurance and strength to make it the whole journey."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3396", 
            "content": "(09/13/98)[\"Flying Dolphins Cathedral Grapes\"]  I am in a house. I think my brother Dwight lives there also. I notice it is raining very hard. I walk over to a window to see the downpour when I am suddenly aware of the courtyard and how beautiful it is. A canopy of grape vines like a cathedral ceiling. I look to see if there are grapes. Big nice ones, some so big they look like electric light bulbs. What abundance I had with me and I never noticed before. Then I look higher to see two transparent glass like dolphins leaping and arching over the top of this grape vine structure. They are so graceful and beautiful. I go back into the house. A woman stands right in front of me and opens her dress completely like it was a robe. I stare at her naked fat body and then turn my eyes away. I am repulsed by her fatness. She is grinning at me. Then she has underwear on. She closes her dress and is inspecting all the things in the house. Some General is around and wants to know. I show her Dwight's room. I am uppity and joke around about being a spy. I don't like their attitudes. Now a young man is talking to Dwight who is soaking in a pool. He explains he deliberately let the demons out to hunt Dwight and he's really sorry. Dwight smiles, not concerned."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3397", 
            "content": "(09/15/98)[\"Falling over Ellie\"]  I am in a house. I am expecting three women to visit. And later, the Judge will be here and I need to teach him something. The women arrive, but the one I need there isn't there. So I leave them in the living room and I begin to clean up the other rooms. I pick up some toys a child left on the floor. And so on, trying to clear the entry way so the women can leave without seeing a mess. Now the meeting is over and the women come out one at a time and I guide them out. I ask the last woman what was decided in the meeting. She paused and couldn't remember very well. She finally said we didn't decide anything we just talked. I felt a bit embarrassed thinking I should have stayed with them as a hostess, and not be off cleaning. The woman comments on the spots of pink on the ceiling which I was trying to clean off. She says how clever to have spots of color in the recessed areas. I say sure, It's called Bas Relief. I am pretending to be very artsy about it, to cover up my shame about being messy. I then point out the bare wall in the other room and say soon I will have cabinets and bookcases there. It will look very nice. I stumble over a laundry basket of clothes and fall into it. The woman leaves, not too impressed. Now Ellie comes in, and I am picking things up. She tries to help and we both reach for a large stuffed animal. We collide and I fall again into the clothes basket. I get up throw a pile of clothes into a closet and shut the door. Ellie isn't too helpful, mostly in the way. Now I am at a lake shore. My father, who looks like a young Uncle Joel is going to teach the Judge how to row in a rowing boat, professionally. I am there and as he explains I try to show the right way. I pull back on two rowing arms. I see the lake. The waves are high. Someone says we'd better not practice today, the lake is too dangerous. We all agree."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3398", 
            "content": "(09/16/98)[\"Men In Love\"]  Two good looking dark haired men meet each other and are instantly sexually attracted to each other. They are at some group gathering. One approaches the other and they wildly make love. They are very happy with each other. Another man with dark hair, a European,  is also a homosexual."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3399", 
            "content": "(09/28/98)[\"Can't See The Light\"]  I am in a house. There are lots of bright windows. Lucy is there complaining about there not being enough light. I say to her, there is plenty of light. She says we need more. I think that is silly. She's blind. No matter how much light we have, she will still not be able to see it. Later, a man named Scott Corbett and another man named Michael or Marshall both like me. They watch me, affectionately. I am up to my neck in warm water. I am wearing a swim suit and look very good. In shape and sexy. I am watching myself in the water."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3400", 
            "content": "(09/29/98)[\"Ellie Has Another Baby\"]  I am in a house with lots of old rooms. Ellie and her family live downstairs. She comes to me holding her newest baby. It's a boy. I cuddle it. Then I put it down. Charla has left a big mess of things around and I am angry. I walk downstairs to where Ellie and Kyle and the babies are to complain. They don't pay any attention to me. I am neglectful about the fourth baby boy as I walk from room to room seeing the mess."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3401", 
            "content": "(10/03/98)[\"Frustration over Getting Help\"]  I am very frustrated with my dream software. I can't seem to get it to work right or get it sold. Ricardo isn't helping much. I am holding a baby who has shit it's diaper. It is a huge pile of shit. I am annoyed I have to clean it up. I think I am indoors. Ginny is in the room. I guess I am staying with them. I am packing to return home and am filling a suitcase with books, papers and clothes. I am tired and no one helps. Now Ernie and Bonnie are near me. I am lying down on the floor and Bonnie is lying next to me on the right. Behind me is Ernie, lying down also. He rolls over on his side so that I can feel his penis poking my anus. I feel very uncomfortable physically. And uncomfortable emotionally. I feel love for Ernie, but I am not happy about this sexual type of encounter. Nothing is going right. I am tired and unhappy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3402", 
            "content": "(10/05/98)[\"This Isn't Right\"]  I am in my Grandma Agnes' living room, except it is different. A small separate room is there which has large photos of the grandchildren. Now I am in an indoor open space. I am involved in some kind of performance preparation. Lots of women are there. Ginny is there. Now Ernie is there. I feel love for him. He feels it for me. But it is wrong to be sexual. I take a bath. Ernie comes in. He and I go into another room and lie down on the floor and begin to make love. We want to, but Ernie, in particular feels great hesitation, obviously because of his love for Ginny. I try to encourage him by kissing and so on. But he stops it and says \"This is wrong.\" He gets up, but then Ginny enters the room and we frantically try to appear like we didn't have sex. I am pulling off his T-shirt and trying to cover myself under a blanket in the single bed. I lie under a water blanket and pretend to sleep."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3403", 
            "content": "(10/06/98)[\"Split Performance and crazy comedian\"]  I am walking with several members of my performance troupe. We are going to the performance area. Mary Ann is in a manic phase and is wildly talking about how she's going to go out there during the performance and tell dirty jokes. She is harassing me by calling out Knock Knock. Meaning what will follow will be a dirty joke. I try to ignore her. I decide to split off from the main group and do a performance on the other end of this huge area. I walk a long distance. I find some people I know. I am smoking Marlboro cigarettes. I only have three left. A man who is attracted to me is near by. He is helping me get more cigarettes. I decide I must go back and try to stop Mary Ann from making a fool of us all. I walk back. She is now in a normal phase and I talk with her. She will be fine."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3404", 
            "content": "(10/13/98)[\"Women And Cancer\"]  I am entering a church. I am in a group of women who are performing. Lucy is around. We are in the main church area and I ask a woman if the candy has been passed out yet to the congregation. She says yes. I ask, what about the taffy? She says yes to that also. Now I am a bit worried because that took up some time and I wonder if I'll have enough presentation for the time allotted. I hear the woman announcer say the name of this play is \"Women And Cancer.\" I am surprised because the play is about pioneer women and raising their children. We begin the play. I open a large diaper bag that is very colorful and empty. I try to stand it up but it keeps falling over. I keep readjusting it. I do a monologue about pioneer women and children. It seems a long speech."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3405", 
            "content": "(10/21/98)[\"Flying To The Angel\"]  I am in a church. A mysterious halo appears over someone and then the person disappears. This is amazing and no one knows what it is about. The nice pastor of the church comes over to where I sit in  my wheelchair. He asks me what I think. I say  It's wonderful. The men now understand that if they don't change, we, the women, won't want them. And they are changing now. I have hope for the first time in years that I will find relationship. I am smiling, feeling excited. I watch as the church organist is playing a hymn. The pastor is trying to get her attention to ask her to get something from the office. The halo flys to hover over her head. Someone picks it up and moves it to a spot over another person's head. It zips back as if a magnent. This happens three or four times. I stand up and say to the wondering congregation, I notice that while we are arguing over whether this is religious or scientific (secular) it keeps coming back and forth to each one. It appears over a seated man's head in the back of the congregation and the man disappears. A beautiful angel appears on the back wall of the church. I ask it to take me and suddenly I am flying through the air being pulled by some strong magnetic like force. I am trying to speak to the congregation about my experience as I am being drawn to the angel. I say I am scared and yet excited. I am sucked to the angel image and meld with it. My arms are stretched out llike the angel's wings. I am being blended and disappearing into the angel."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3406", 
            "content": "(10/22/98)[\"Fire!!\"]  I am with a group of people who somehow time travel and drop into a battle. At the moment we drop in, we are making shooting noises. At that same moment the real soldiers are shooting. So we are not noticed. Now, I am watching as a  general (sort of Sean Connery) is sleeping in his tent. The enemy sneak up and light small fires in the corners of the tent. The fires smolder. The general doesn't notice. A woman and a man come to the tent and see the fires. They want to warn the general so he can escape with his life. But instead, the woman, in an attempt to help the General, pour gasoline on the fires to get them to flame up big. Her thinking is to make the situation so bad that the General will notice the danger and escape. He does escape."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3407", 
            "content": "(10/22/98)[\"Sex In A Closet\"]  I am in my wheelchair. It is after dinner and Paulina's \"husband\" nods to her, indicating he's ready to have sex. He and Paulina and I go into a closet like room. I am supposed to be there while they have sex. I busy myself looking at things in a cluttered box of junk. I see a glimpse of his briefs as I try not to observe. He is standing up as she is spread eagle on the table. I feel very uncomfortable and remind myself to ask Paulina if it's all right if I don't attend these after dinner quickies. I see syringe needles from Fluffy's shots, some Xmas cards, one from a cousin, perhaps Darcy, Deirdre or Beverly to Charla. Charla never responds to her. I am throwing away the old cards. I decide to dump the whole box, but I see 3 necklaces. Jade marbles with dragon claws on them. I decide to keep them. Jake asks if I should ask Rigo to help me with my dream software since Ricardo isn't being helpful. I laugh and say with strong sarcasm, Goodness No. Rigo is an idiot with computers and will really mess it up. Now Paulina's \"husband\" is done. I'm surprised it's so quick. Paulina sure didn't get any pleasure. He's dressed again, wearing a black pants, black vest and pink shirt with a ruffle on it. He sighs contentedly like he's had a good meal and pats his tummy"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3408", 
            "content": "(10/22/98)[\"Betrayal and Contradiction\"]  I am a guest of an Asian woman and her family. I am seeking a job as a school principle. I walk to the school. I walk across a raised wooden platform sidewalk. A man like Derek, only not disabled,  is on the hiring committee. In the middle of the interview, \"Derek\" decides he wants the job and tells the committee lies about me. I lose the job and sadly walk back to the woman's house. She is making a bed. I help her smooth out the sheets. I realize I am working harder here helping her than if I'd stayed home. I feel tired. A man, balding, with long scraggly hair. He's overweight and not good looking. He wants to date me. I turn him down, packing to go home, feeling betrayed. I can't understand how \"Derek\" could have betrayed me. I look out a wall of windows and see him coming toward me.  He hesitates, looking at me questioningly. I hesitate and then smile at him. He then comes in and I kiss him on the cheek. We talk. Then as we talk I realize this is not ok and I walk back across the wooden platform to the school. He comes with me. I tell him I don't really want this job. I am a valley girl. I don't like M City. Too isolating. No one here I'd want to have a relationship with. Then I tell him I didn't like what he did to me and I'm taking the job. He pulls out a large pistol (silver) and we struggle over it. Sometimes he's trying to kill me. Sometimes he's trying to kill himself. I get the gun from him. The other man that is attracted to me is here as well, watching me, wanting to be with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3409", 
            "content": "(10/25/98)[\"Servant And Love\"]  I am a servant in a rich home in the 19th century. My job is to take care of the young girl, who is like Charla. The girl is very difficult to manage. She is angry and violent, striking out at me, trying to hurt me. I carry her in my arms as she struggles against me. She grabs at my mouth with her hand trying to pull and rip at my lips and teeth. I try to pull back my head to prevent her from hurting me. I carry her into the house. Then I come back outside alone for a few minutes of rest in this difficult day. I need to go back into the house and can't remember which door is the correct one, there so many along the side of the house. I find it and go in. Now I am seated for a few quiet moments in a large library room, two wing backed chairs, and walls lined with bookshelves full of books. I become aware of a man approaching the house. I go out to greet him. He is a stranger to me, but we are attracted to each other. I am showing him the house. The other servants sneer at me and make belittling comments to me as we pass them. The man continues to be attracted to me. We are standing in the center of a large round table with the middle open. Suddenly he is lying on top of me and it is sexually exciting. I feel his hard penis against my vagina through all the clothes. I like it. But I make him stop because I am afraid people will see us."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3410", 
            "content": "(10/27/98)[\"Oceans Of Love\"]  I am at the beach, near the edge of the ocean. A young man and I are attracted to each other. He is coaxing me to swim in the ocean. I am hesitant. I think the water will be cold. It is warm and he holds my hand as we step into the ocean. He leads me out toward the deeper water. I am afraid and excited. This is fun and yet I don't want to drown by being knocked over by big waves.  We are laughing and talking. He hugs me and pulls me closer to him. It is a very pleasant sensuous feeling. I think it is very intimate. Our full bodies are touching and I love the good feeling. We want to make love. We are in love. It is a very happy feeling. He then wades off to the right, near a deeper place with cold fast currents. I am afraid for him. He gets caught in the currents and is pulled under. I go near the dangerous area worried for him. He pops back up and escapes the currents. I am happy again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3411", 
            "content": "(10/27/98)[\"Bathing In Love\"]  I am at the home of an Native American family. I am tired. They decide to give me a bath. The entire family, including a young man who is attracted to me. They assist me taking off my clothes and ease me into a bathtub. They open a set of warming towels for me to lean against in the bath. They are large and the ends get wet. I try to get the towels pulled up above the water. They help me. They invite me to pour in a few drops of scented lotions. A floating device is a waterproof light bulb. I pick it up and examine it. I am trying to turn it on. There are two small bulbs, one white, the other yellow. An elder man of the tribe gives me a small handmade book. I open it. It is handwritten. It is bound in beautiful buckskin. He made it himself. I am touched and impressed he wrote an important story for me by hand. Now the bath is over and I am dressed, in another room. A young native american woman is talking about how she loves chinese things. I see she is wearing black and red clothes with chinese designs. I tell myself to remember to buy her a gift of something chinese. Bonnie comes in. We are chatting about a trip we once planned on taking. I speak in spanish. We can't remember precisely where we had planned to go. I think it was down to the tip of Mexico and then I joke, \"Totas las piases.\" We laugh. I feel too warm with all the clothes I have on, and I change clothes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3412", 
            "content": "(11/02/98)[\"Small Room In Space\"]  I enter a space ship which looks like a small square room with a door to a small bathroom. The walls are all white. Little or no furniture or decorations. Several other people and myself are seated, waiting for lift off. Then, we get up and go into the actual command part of the ship. It is cold, with fog drifting around and a bit scary. We go to our stations and drive the ship off into space. We are there for a long time. I see a piece of wooden cabinet and I burst into tears, touching it  because it's been so long since I have been around normal things and not just metal and space. We travel on. Now there is a huge alien space ship above us and our small ship is caught in the turbulent currents. We are tossed around violently. The aliens come on board. They had been to earth and either transformed earthlings into them or became like earthlings. They look us over and decide we aren't much of a threat. They leave. I remember seeing swirling purple colors when the huge ship was above us."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3413", 
            "content": "(11/04/98)[\"Blind Woman Draws My Picture\"]  I see Lucy using charcoal like chalk to draw a picture of me. She's not actually drawing it, but putting in the dark brown colored hair. It looks very professiona;l. She accurately follows the line of the hair on the side of the face. I asm reminded of a drawing  my mother made of Ellie when she was a little girl."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3414", 
            "content": "(11/04/98)[\"Baby Bird On My Shoulder\"]  Charla wants to buy a baby bird. It is cuddled under it's mommy's body. We are outdoors looking a a few birds that seem to be roaming free. Yet it is a pet store. The birds are the size of ostriges without the long legs. Emus, maybe. Charla tries to get the baby out from under its mommy. It doesn't want to come. So I act as a distraction to get the mommy busy elsewhere. Charla captures the baby. I carry it on my left shoulder. It doesn't fight, rather it cuddles up in my neck and enjoys the comfort of being close. We see several display cases with bird cages and bird food in them. I check prices and am surprised and not unhappy about how much things cost. I check another case. A metal bird cage costs 51 dollars. That's the cheapest one. I return to the first case where I originally had thought it was too expensive glad to see it costs less than the second case of things. We get a package with cage and food."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3415", 
            "content": "(11/04/98)[\"Three Brides For Election\"]  I am in a milling crowd of politicians up for election. I am one of them and am wearing a baize lacy tablecloth folded into a wrap around skirt. I look around to see that two other women candidates also have the same lacy tablecloths. One has two. One for the top and another for the skirt. Yet another woman has three of them. We look like brides, with a Spanish mantilla look. I am now the one with three tablecloths on. I pull off the one at the bottom of the skirt that is like a train. I modify the skirt as there is a gap showing. I reset the hooks closer so the gap is closed. It feels ridiculous to have us all looking the same."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3416", 
            "content": "(11/05/98)[\"Too Many Characters In My Play\"]  I am outside, sitting at a street corner. I want a good seat so I can see my play. The other authors of the other plays to be presented are sitting behind me. Suddenly I realize that I can't see or hear the play from this corner because we are several blocks away from the presentation. I get up and walk rapidly toward the outdoor theatre. The other authors follow me. I am nearly running when I wonder if I can manage this. I am out of breath. I finally arrive only to see the play is finished. I hear the applause which sounds warm and loud. I ask a man seated on my right if it is only intermission, or is it the end. He said it was the end. I am disappointed. I ask him what he thought of the play. He said there were too many characters. 14 of them. He couldn't keep track of them all and the plot was too involved and he got confused. I don't feel good about his negative critique. I must be a poor writer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3417", 
            "content": "(11/06/98)[\"Arrogant Ginny, Angry Ernie\"]  I am in a house, staying with Ginny and Ernie. Ginny is trying to help me and has gone into a garage or attic to get something for me. I am waiting impatiently. Ernie comes in, angry, frustrated. He is tired of Ginny messing up all the time. He is fuming and saying \"Arrogant!\" He stands with his back to me, looking out the window. I want to leave. But Ginny is taking so long. I finally do go outside. I hear Ginny coming to the garage door saying \"Set A, Set B, Set C\" She is counting the keys in key sets to make sure they are all there. It isn't a task that will help me pack. It is simply one task she got diverted to and is lost in trying to get it accomplished."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3418", 
            "content": "(11/08/98)[\"King Of His Own World\"]  An average ordinary man decides to create his own little kingdom. He has a group of followers. I am with a new group of people coming into the kingdom. I am there, but I didn't choose to go. I am with a family. We line up along a wall. The King and his sons are holding an audience. As the people mill around and shift position, I end up very near the front of the line, right across from where the sons are standin at a doorway. They are trying to signal their servant to give them orders. I see their signal, and then I mouth to the servant who is also across from me and to the right of the sons, what the sons said. A narrator voice, male, says the sons have created a special bed for themselves on the throne area. Soft warm sheets, lots of pillows. I think, I'd do the same thing. The King now signals me to come up to the throne area and talk with him. He wants me to sit right next to him. I scoot slowly closer, not wanting to be any closer. He keeps insisting that I get closer. Finally I am right up against him. He kisses me on the neck. I don't like this and feel very uptight and uncomfortable. He continues. Finally, I stand up and say Your Majesty, I'm leaving. I walk back to my place in the line. Now the sons are interested in me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3419", 
            "content": "(11/09/98)[\"Charla Falls\"]  I and two other people are walking down a series of corridors. I think we are pretending to be Star Trek characters. I am at the end of the line. I feel scared because I am vulnerable and someone or thing might jump out and attack me. I comment to the others I don't like being the one on the end. It's too dangerous. We turn a corner and come to a mezzanine level area. I look over the railing to the floor far down below. I feel scared I might fall. Suddenly I see Charla fall over the rail and I rush to the edge to see if she is all right. She lies crumpled up on the floor, the video camera she was holding, under her. People rush to her to check out if she is OK. They hand her up to my level to show me she is all right. She is curled up, still unconscious. Then there is a deli counter between us. A woman says sarcastically that I will give up and not stay to watch her, because of the deli counter in the way. I am angry at her. As I try to go to the right side of the counter, I discover that the counter goes along the entire edge of the railing. I can't get to Charla to confirm she is all right."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3420", 
            "content": "(11/09/98)[\"Tidal Wave And Counseling Dept.\"]  The Counseling Dept staff is playing baseball on a lovely outdoor field. Chuck is yelling orders to the team members. Rich comes toward him, angrily telling him to back off. He's not the boss. I am lying on the ground between them. I say this isn't the best place to be. I stand up and walk to a clear area. I have to go pee and I sit on the grass, in full view of everyone, and put a silky orange scarf over me to be private. I know this is silly and I feel embarrassed. I pee, glad I don't have to poop. Now some woman hits a great fly ball out of the park. Jerome is talking with Tyler about how good the hit was. I join them trying to enter into the conversation. They ignore me. Suddenly I notice a huge tidal wave coming. I see the spray plumes up over the trees. My van is parked near the tree line. We stand there chatting about it. We should run for high ground. Jerome says. I agree and start to walk away from the tidal wave. Jerome suggests getting into the van. It at least would float. I think about doing that, then continue walking away. I come to a fence with barbed wire on top of it. Josh runs past me and leaps over the fence. I realize I will have trouble getting over this fence. I look beyond it and see the ground going steeply down hill. Will that be more dangerous? I clumsily scramble over the fence."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3421", 
            "content": "(11/10/98)[\"Bear Cubs And Sleeping Beauty\"]  I am in an old room with very high ceilings. A very tall thickly built man is there. I am looking around, because this is his house and I am curious about how he lives. It is run down, and junky, yet the room itself has elegance with the extremely tall ceilings. I see piles of old things and then I see a litter of bear cubs. Maybe 11 or 13 of them. They are cute and frisky. I pick one or two of them up and hold them. One has a very long thin snout, more like an anteater than a bear. The Mother bear is near by, watching comfortably. The man likes me. He is from some unsavory family. I like him too. He seems gentle. He stands up and I stand near him. I am amazed how much taller he is than me. I am aware of how his muscles are not in good shape. He is sort of pudgy, yet still good looking. He feels warm and cuddly, like a bear might feel, if you could trust the bear. I do trust the man. He lays me on a stretcher and I close my eyes pretending to be asleep. He carries me to other rooms in his house. His male relatives are suspicious of me. but the man and I just like each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3422", 
            "content": "(11/14/98)[\"Excellent Teacher\"]  I am a young woman with pretty curled blonde hair, wearing a professional looking suit. I am teaching a grade school class. I have two boy students that are difficult. One, Mark, is from a dysfunctional home and is acting out all the time. He is smart, but failing. Merle is from a rich family and is always doing the right things academically. Merle is always on Mark's case pushing him verbally. Mark then responds angrily and gets himself in trouble. Merle is verbally attacking Mark and I walk up to Merle's desk amd lean in on him until he is in a corner. I look him straight in the eye and insist he listen to me. I tell him to leave Mark alone. I tell him he is jealous of Mark because he is so smart. They could be friends, if they'd let go of the animosity. I turn my attention to other children in the classroom. I am an excellent teacher. A man walks into the classroom wanting information about traveling. I help him find maps, even though I feel frustrated at being distracted from my classroom duties. I point out a city he is interested in visiting. I'm not sure if it is Hawaii or Mexico we are talking about. I show him where more maps are. He appreciates my help. I return to the classroom. Mark is standing up showing off to the class. He is smoking a white pipe. I wordlessly hold out my hand. He gives me the pipe and the matches and a wad of money, $5 and $1. His payment for goofing off. I put the pipe in the ashtray. I lecture him. He listens. We both know he'll continue goofing off when I'm not looking."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3423", 
            "content": "(11/14/98)[\"Tiger Man\"]  I am watching as someone lays a band across the throat of a man who is lying on a table. We are in some room. The man transforms into a tiger. Then he returns to his original form. This is scary. It means this man is potentially very dangerous, when he is a tiger. I watch as someone lays the band on his throat again. I see the dark bruise mark from the first time. The man starts to resist, then just gives up and lies back, accepting the restriction. Somehow this all means that Charla is dangerous. I use this as an excuse to insist she return to her mother. I want her to go right away, not even finishing the night at my house. I know somehow that I am giving up too easily and it isn't really necessary to do. Turns out that Lydia is her mother. They aren't home when I call. The baby-sitter doesn't seem to be helpful. She doesn't understand what I'm saying and won't take the message for Lydia. I realize that Charla will be fine and I don't need to rush this."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3424", 
            "content": "(11/15/98)[\"Nate Returns\"]  I am preparing information. It is on a video tape which as I feed it into a machine keeps getting kinked up. I smooth it out with my hands. There are people waiting for this information. Nate comes in. We haven't seen each other for years. He approaches me slowly, a bit shy. He gives me a soft kiss. We gently move closer and begin to make love. It is hesitant and gentle at first. Mostly he is kissing me. But I become sexually excited and become the one reaching out to him. He loves that. I roll him over and get on top. I feel his penis hard against my vagina. I love that feeling. We make love. Now the people have arrived to get the information."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3425", 
            "content": "(11/17/98)[\"Holding Hands with Howard\"]  I go from house to house taking peoples bananas and walking around eating them. I wonder why I'm doing this, since someone could see me and get upset. This is stealing after all. But I do it anyway. Now, I am outdoors. Someone is going to show me an old swim pool and a creek. I walk over to the old swim pool, which is all filled with dirt and grass. All we really can see is the outline of where it used to be. From it, a creek flows. I walk over and look into the water. It is clear. Someone  points out how the creek bed looks so natural. I say no it doesn't. It looks like it is formally set that way. Everything is too orderly. And there isn't anything in the water. Just then I see small round sea creatures and snails pop up from under the mud bottom. They spin there legs and move quickly around stirring up the silt. Someone asks me to take a scenic walk. We stroll down a path which is gravel. Howard is there now. We walk side by side. Chatting. I feel warm feelings of affection, but I am hesitant, slightly fearful it will turn sexual. We walk the pretty wooded path and talk. We hold hands. On the way back, we are in the backseat of a car. I rest my head on his shoulder, still worried he will become sexual. He remains affectionate and warm. He talks to me as I pretend to sleep on his shoulder. Relaxing but alert."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3426", 
            "head": "12/08/98", 
            "content": "I am walking down a church hallway looking for the room where several of us are going to have a church service, even though we are all different religions. I can't find the room, then I find it. But just then, I am aware of an odd snoring sound I make when I am breathing, that comes and goes. I decide I will go to the bathroom. I return down the hall, now being followed by Glenn Ford. He is attracted to me and we talk together. I explain I am having difficulties with this odd noise in my breathing. He says he has the same problem. Now I am in the bathroom and I sit on the toilet only to see Glenn Ford seated on a small couch. I am embarrassed and say I didn't know you were in the room. He says I'm sorry. But it's OK. We chat. Now I get up and I want to finish dressing. I ask him to leave for a moment. He steps out into the hall. Then I realize he has his shirt stuffed into the top of a dress I had been wearing, all balled up in his arms. I open the door and ask him to come back in with the dress. Then we stand close together trying to separate his shirt out of my dress. It is warm and friendly and fun. I like him very much. I realize I need to go to the bathroom again. I am glad we have decided to go to the same hospital together to figure out what is wrong with us. I try to blow my nose to clear the nose but that only makes it hard to breath. We leave, intending to be in the same hospital ward together. We are scared about the odd physical problem and happy to  be together. I am walking down a church hallway looking for the room where several of us are going to have a church service, even though we are all different religions. I can't find the room, then I find it. But just then, I am aware of an odd snoring sound I make when I am breathing, that comes and goes. I decide I will go to the bathroom. I return down the hall, now being followed by Glenn Ford. He is attracted to me and wee talk together. I explain I am having difficulties with this odd noise in my breathing. He says he has the same problem. Now I am in the bathroom and I sit on the toilet only to see Glenn Ford seated on a small couch. I am embarrassed and say I didn't know you were in the room. He says I'm sorry. But it's OK. We chat. Now I get up and I want to finish dressing. I ask him to leave for a moment. He steps out into the hall. Then I realize he has his shirt stuffed into the top of a dress I had been wearing, all balled up in his arms. I open the door and ask him to come back in with the dress. Then we stand close together trying to separate his shirt out of my dress. It is warm and friendly and fun. I like him very much. I realize I need to go to the bathroom again. I am glad we have decided to go to the same hospital together to figure out what is wrong with us. I try to blow my nose to clear the nose but that only makes it hard to breath. We leave, intending to be in the same hospital ward together. We are scared about the odd physical problem and happy to  be together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3427", 
            "head": "12/08/98", 
            "content": "I am a young woman in the 19th century. I live in a mansion. I've been there all my life but alone and isolated, playing piano. Now one night I am playing some classical music on the piano. A distant \"mother\" is around somewhere. Daniel Day Lewis enters the room. He sees me and is enthralled with me and the music. He is romantic and beautiful. Lovely eyes that watch me with love. The mother doesn't want us to get together. I leave the room and go to a small lawn area outside, where my real family is. We are poorer. He follows me out. He lies down on the grass and says to me you must come back into the house with me. I love you and can't be separated from you for a moment. I am touched and I love him too. I go with him into the mansion."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3428", 
            "head": "12/10/98", 
            "content": "I walk into a store. I like it and decide to buy it. There are art and craft items. A man named Tom comes in and he wants to set up shop with adaptive devices for the disabled. He and his friends are very enthused. The old owner leaves and I am trying to figure out where things are and just what I have for sale. Lots of people seem to be wandering in and out. I am not selling anything. So I begin to look around to see what I now own. I see a Carl's Jr. booth being built. I see a double bed near a fireplace. Apparently I will live in the store as well. I see drawers and open them. I find art work and crafts. They re quite beautiful. I show them to my mother who is envious of the fine work. A salesman comes in to sell me some fix it tools. I decide not to buy anything yet until I know what I have and what is selling. A woman comes in to interview me as the new owner. I tell her I am surprised to be here, since I only arrived in this coastal town at 7:15 am and a half hour later I bought this shop. I am a bit surprised at myself for the impulsive choice. She asks me how I am being treated, being a woman manager. I say some of the men are surprised and condescending, but it's too early to tell yet. Now I go to the register counter area and there are children and people sitting there. I ask them to leave as this is my work area. The children tell me they are waiting for their parents who are helping me with the store. So I say OK, you can stay. Now a sweet baby girl is there wearing a cute pink outfit. She is cuddly and plump. I pick her up and tickle her, doing raspberry sounds on her tummy. She laughs and we are having a good time. Now I notice there are more rooms in the back and I go explore. I find a bird shop where I apparently own cocktails, some rare peach colored ones that are very expensive. I see baby birds also. A petting zoo. I go into the next room. It has two single beds, a shower and things accessible for the disabled. I think this will be a good place to live, so I can save the $340 a month for rent in the new apartment I got. Apparently my mother and I own the store. I own half of it and she owns one quarter. But I think she is going home soon. I find yet another room with lovely wooden bookshelves on one wall. I look out the window and the back area is a muddy mess and ugly. I close the shades. I enter the next room and realize I've entered the next shop. The owner, a man, comes to me and introduces himself, saying He is sorry he didn't greet me sooner. He did indeed notice my arrival but was waiting. We greet one another."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3429", 
            "head": "12/11/98", 
            "content": "I am in a large auditorium, sitting in the first few rows. Two or three lesbian women come around me, teasing me. They are challenging me to kiss and hug them. I smile and say this is not a problem. I feel comfortable, knowing I am not a lesbian. One woman kisses me. It is friendly. I laugh. They give up and go away. Now the people around me are part of a performing troupe I belong to. Kevin Kline is there and I don't like him. He is teasing me too. I am annoyed with him. He gives me a glass of champagne and I accept the challenge and drink it. I become giggly drunk pretty fast. Kevin takes advantage of this and playfully gathers me up in his arms and kisses me. I happily put my arms around him, giggling. We kiss, enjoying each other. An older man, like Capt. Picard, is the leader of our acting group. He wants us to the group to perform. Kevin gets up and walks across a long expanse of lawn. I watch him go, and then want to find him. I get up and run toward him. He jumps out from a small hill where he had been hiding. He and I suddenly make love. He enters me and I feel both of us have orgasm. A small group of people are standing near by, watching us. We don't care. Now the acting group is getting ready to do one more performance for a women's group. The small audience is coming into the auditorium. The actors are up on stage getting ready. I decide I will not join them this performance. I had not brought my script and I don't think I can remember the lines. I sit in the audience, watching. A blind woman, one of the actors is doing her act when she suddenly comes up to the edge of the stage and looks like she will fall over the edge. I know it's a part of her act and laugh when the audience rush up to save her. They realize the joke and gather up at the edge of the stage with great interest to watch more closely. Derek is there in the group as well. I regret now not being a part of the group. But now a woman has a strange boat that looks like a log hooked onto another log. I sit on the side log and she drives the other log as we race across the water, narrowly missing a tree. She is a good driver and we race back and forth having fun. Now it is fine with me I am not performing with the group. The woman makes a mistake and I am dumped into the water. I swim around. This is not a problem."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3430", 
            "head": "12/12/98", 
            "content": "I see a house that is for rent. It looks familiar to me like I might have looked at it before. I walk up to the front and peek in an open door to a made over garage that might be a large bathroom. I realize I have looked at this house before and liked it. I walk in the front door to see a group of men, who are showing the house. A man in a dolly for a wheelchair is looking at the house also. There is no furniture. The living room is large. I like it. I walk through the living room to a wide spacious hall with large windows on the left ad several doors off to the right. I walk down the hall into a bedroom, which has a double bed in it and a rectangle wooden box like cradle with a baby in it. An old man is there making the bed. I am quite excited. This is the house. I must have. And even the baby is there as I anticipated. He looks old and tired. Howard enters the room. I tell him this is the house I want. He says great We'll take it. I ask the man how much the rent is. He says $1500 a month. I wince, that is too much! Howard in his eagerness to have us back together is on bended knee if front of me wearing  white pants and shirt. He says It's OK. I'll work it out somehow. I am unsure and concerned by I ignore those feelings because I want the house so much. I agree and we follow the man out to his office to close the deal. Howard goes first, the man and I follow as we walk up an outside stairway upstairs. The walking is difficult, because the steps are loose and wobble under my feet. I struggle to climb the stairs. The man says and there is $1300 a month for the conserve, which I understood to mean the insurance. Now it is clearly too much for us to pay. I hesitate."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3431", 
            "head": "12/12/98", 
            "content": "I am in a room, trying to quickly pack my most essential belongings. The Nazis are coming to take me away and I must try and trick them so I will still have what I need. I am most concerned I have my cortisone pills. I try to gather them up off the bed. And hide them in two small purses. I figure if there are two purses they might find one and I'd still have the other one. There are large books, like dictionaries and reference books I decide to pile them onto the other books and papers in the bookshelf, hoping that the people who own the house will keep them there for me in case I survive and return. A woman comes in and she sees what I did. She understands. She is warning me the Nazi's are here. She is scared for me and I am scared also."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3432", 
            "head": "12/14/98", 
            "content": "I am at some women's conference. In between sessions. I see Roseanne Barr on a stage. She is naked with an elaborate tattoo on her fat butt. Another woman is naked as well. They are laughing and talking about some topic. Roseanne sits down on a chair with her back to the audience to better show off her tattoo. She is enjoying this. She teases the audience by putting her hand back to cover her anus, like she's shy. Later I am walking around, looking for Charlotte Mesquita. I am walking right next to the naked Roseanne. Her breasts are very small. She is chuckling about her flat fat tummy. Now I go into the restroom to pee.  Lots of women are in the stall, which is large with me. They are combing their hair and chatting. I wipe myself. Lots of shit, and it is messy. A woman wants to use the toilet and I hurry.  A piece of shit falls on the floor and the woman kindly picks it up and puts it in the wastebasket for me. I feel embarrassed she had to do that. I get up and go out, still looking for Bonnie. I walk to a bench on the path with a pile of clothes and so on. I brush my hair which is in a short wedge cut with some of my long hair still in the back. I see Sonja leading a group of blind women in a line. I see Abner in another group. I call to Sonja that I will join her soon. I have a ten dollar bill tucked into my skirt waist to give to Bonnie when I find her. I go to a cabin where a mirror hangs on the outside to see if my hair looks OK. A woman is just inside the open door, sweeping. I can't really see myself in the mirror. I am wearing a long flowing colorful skirt."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3433", 
            "head": "12/20/98", 
            "content": "I am sleeping all night on a closed toilet. It is very uncomfortable. I wake up and I see Gus standing in a far corner of the room, watching.  Marci is asleep on a day bed. She is having a nightmare. She tosses and turns, saying \"Ouch,\" \"Don't\" She is obviously fending off someone in her dreams. Then she suddenly does a sort of somersault over the end rail of the bed and lands on her face on the floor. It must have hurt, but she doesn't wake up. I am worried about her and also aware this might be proof she was incested. I decide to write down what I saw. I get up. It's time to pack and leave. I walk downstairs. I see Aunt Rosalie in a room. I hesitate and then decide to ask her if she knows Ethan who I now think was the man I saw upstairs. I ask her and she becomes agitated and withdraws, saying no, she doesn't know him and for me to stop bothering her. I follow her out the room saying, Please tell me. I need to know. She doesn't answer. It's time for me to catch the train."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3434", 
            "head": "12/21/98", 
            "content": "I am lying on a couch and can hear myself struggle for breath. I get up and call out for my mother to help me. No one seems to pay attention. I get up to find her. I find my pills and try to eat them. I become concerned I might not take the right ones."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3435", 
            "head": "12/21/98", 
            "content": "I am a some kind of street carnival or celebration. Our area is like an open box with three sides. A man is lying down. He is ill. Another man is behind him. Several young women are seated in the van with us. Lots of noisy people are going by. Someone shoots a bunch of tiny metal needles. One hits the sick man in the middle of his forehead. He is hurt and complains. I am angry. I tell him I am going to complain to the leader of this carnival. I get hit a couple of times. Other different kinds of sharp things are thrown at us. I walk up the street to the leader. I complain. Nothing much happens. I walk further, feeling lost. I see a small object hung up on a prominent corner that ridicules me. I am more angry. I keep searching for my box. When I get there, everyone is gone and some other people are sitting there. I tell them to leave. They do. But they stay close by and try to set up their things very close by. I tell them again to move. Suddenly the young women return all upset and agitated about all the hostility around us.  I calm them down and ask where the man is. It is all confusing and I am angry and unsettled."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3436", 
            "head": "12/22/98", 
            "content": "My \"boyfriend\" like Nate has organized a surprise party for me. I am dressed up in my blue velvet dress and looking beautiful. There is a circle of many friends as I come in, walking. They wildly applaud me. Behind them is a huge audience also applauding. I am happily surprised. They give me a standing ovation. I open my arms up in a grand gesture and walk around accepting the applause. And now the party becomes a daily celebration and it's sort of a church. I am the leader. A young man sits next to me at the table thrilled to be near me. Now I go to the big room to supervise the activities of the congregation. Some people are bringing in used objects from their homes to be given to others so they can be reused and useful. I am pointing out where to put the various projects. All of them are for helping other people. Later I am one of the citizens who come in to the police station to throw rocks at the helmeted heads of the criminals. A criminal is brought into a cage area and he pokes his head out of a hole. The helmet is to protect him from head injury. The purpose of this activity is to determine if he is guilty or not. If I hit him, he is guilty. I happen to be a talented thrower. A police officer watches and is very impressed with my skill. He admires me and is falling in love with me. I am happily married to Nate with several babies to raise and love my life. I now need to go to my baseball game. He comes with me. I drive down a long lane with grass expanses on the side of it. The game is at the University. I turn a corner and notice a drop off into a pond. I mention to him that my volunteers will fix that.. I make a note to remind myself on a tape recorder. I am  aware of how efficient I am. I reach over the seat to get my baseball uniform. It brings me closer to the man. He yearns for me. I get out of the car and hurriedly change. He watches me and is sexually aroused. I go play a terrific game of baseball. Then I rush back to the church to do my duties there. I am  very happy, very constantly busy and very excellent at whatever I do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3437", 
            "head": "01/19/99", 
            "content": "I am acting in a small scene with a woman director. My role is to dive into a swimming pool and swim around. I do that. Then I get out and say to the director I have some suggestions to make about making the scene more dynamic and energetic with small quick edited scenes. She is not interested. She plans on doing two or three static scenes and that's it. I say to her I'm not trying to tell you your business but I am a playwright and she can use the suggestions or not, as she wishes. I am now in a large empty foyer of a public building which could be a church or a dormitory. There are large double doors that are open. People are trying to come in and I don't like that. I am trying to keep people out. A crazy man rushes in. I try to get him out but  can't. So I go outside. I am standing near some storage sheds. A woman drives up and asks me for the key. I say I don't have the key. She is angry at me because she knows I have the key and she wants to store some small object. A man is with her and he comes up close to me, in a threatening way. He looks me in the eyes and says Look at this. His left nostril changes shape and becomes large and flat. His right ear does the same. From these spots he sends psychic energy out that creates a blue plastic cylinder which begins to move toward me in a threatening way. I am afraid and run back to the inside of the building I was in. I try to shut the doors. The crazy man is still there. He and I are now pounding a rhythm on a wall as a part of a performance of a play in the next room. He complements me on my \"monologue\" or solo part. He wants to see the play and I tell him it is five hours long. He says no problem. He and I seem to be friendly now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3438", 
            "head": "01/23/99", 
            "content": "I am tired and decide to go into Ginny and Ernie's bedroom. I lie down in the big double bed. The door opens and Rigo comes in and gets into bed on the other (left) side of me. I am uncomfortable. I then open my eyes and look around to see that now this is Rigo's bedroom. He has a group of miniature furniture and objects he either makes or collects. I ask him if they are the 1:12 ratio. I then see most are not. They are cute and I admire them. Ernie comes in. I am thinking I should get up and go lie down in Ginny and Ernie's room. I am very tired and unwilling to move."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3439", 
            "head": "01/24/99", 
            "content": "I am a character from a Georgette Heyer Novel. I am from a noble family, but my father had disgraced himself and society doesn't approve of me. I am independent, and have lived most of my life on the country estate, but am intelligent and well educated. I now have apartments in town. I attend musical concerts and socials. I am in the living room of my apartment. My maid falls and breaks a leg. I pick her up and struggle down the street, asking people passing by to help. They seem too busy or unwilling or ignore me. A group of gentlemen see my situation. One man is rakishly attracted to me and offers to help, with intent to flirt and try to have an affair with me. I accept his help, but I do not fall for the rest. Now he becomes genuinely attracted to me and respects me. He courts me. I allow him to, but keep my reserve and slight distance. My love feelings are not engaged."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3440", 
            "head": "01/24/99", 
            "content": "Charla and I are at the TV station very early in the morning. I am very tired. We are told to wait in a studio which has lots of furniture and boxes. We wait hours, it seems. Charla leaves the room and I go after her. I talk with a secretary about when it's our turn to be on television. We had been asked to be there to be on a show. Now the staff comes in and it is breakfast time. One man says oh, left over fudge. I am spooning refried beans and a piece of chicken in a bowl for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3441", 
            "head": "01/25/99", 
            "content": "I am with a group of people in a large room. It's a work place. I try to be helpful by cleaning up things and putting them where they belong. The people are pilots and a call comes in for the Stealth Fighters to do a practice flight. I ask permission to join them. The officer thinks it over and says Not the Stealth Fighters, but you can join the crew on the cargo plane. I am disappointed but I agree, saying. At least it's flying. So now I am in the cockpit of the cargo plane. We are flying very low down a big city street with tall buildings on each side and many bridges to fly under. I am allowed to fly the plane. Someone keeps saying to me Pull it up, higher. We have to get under the bridges until we get high enough to get over them. I pull back on the steering wheel. The nose of the plane goes up and we get to our destination which is a man dangling off some high platform. The crew in the plane has a hatch open on top and he drops at the right moment and the crew pulls him in. Now we turn around to go back only very high winds start up over the water by the street. We try to fly back down the street but my instructor points out to me that if I had chosen to go as I was planning, I would have sheered off the wing. The instructor is standing at the post that would have done it outside the plane and the plane is not moving as I listen. He then suggests I fly out toward the water where there are not so many obstacles. I do so."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3442", 
            "head": "01/25/99", 
            "content": "I feel tired. It is 6:30 am. I am aware that my father has moved to Seattle. I miss him. I am now traveling. Andrea and I are going down a gravel road next to a wide broad river. We are traveling by placing our hands in a blue plastic bowl. I think this is the best way to travel because there are no moving parts like wheels and so on to break. Now I am in a building with a man. He and I are spies. We are pretending to be the church people at this place. We are helping officiate a wedding. But someone discovers we are spies and we must now escape. I grab some things and try to shut a door when someone comes to find us. We sneak out the door and move on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3443", 
            "head": "01/26/99", 
            "content": "I am at some outdoor rodeo festival. I am walking around. Two men are riding horses. One man is attracted to me and me to him, but he is married and has a family. We talk pleasantly for awhile. I ask him where he lives and he points off in a direction. I am confused and ask him again where? He says right there on the shelf with the cans of Pork and Beans, right next to the school. I then see another can of beans being placed there and nod. The other man gets off his horse and I get on. The horse suddenly becomes a bucking bronco. I struggle to remain on the horse wondering at the irony that my regular horse (or ride) is a bronco. Now I am off the horse and writing a message for the man I like in a platter of fried eggs. The message is, \"The present contains the past and the future and sometime is a place.\" As I am hurriedly trying to finish the message for him to read, he is talking with someone else and slowly leaving. I realize he will not see the message."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3444", 
            "head": "01/28/99", 
            "content": "I am looking down into the water. Deep down there is a huge fish with a wide open mouth coming up to eat me in one bite. I get up and run. I am afraid. I go into a square cement building. One large room. The creature is now a fire breathing dragon. It flames the building. I am being cooked alive. I grab an acetylene torch and fire back. I feel fear."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3445", 
            "head": "01/28/99", 
            "content": "Lucy and I are on a swim team. It is competition time. I am swimming with strong clean strokes in a square around the four sides of the pool. I come in second or third, with Lucy, who didn't swim in the middle between me and the first place winner. Now I have been reconstructed and am able bodied. I am slim and wearing a red two piece suit and black high heels. Lucy and I are walking across a street toward a tavern area to socialize. No one will acknowledge me. Archie, with scraggly long hair, balding on top, won't give me eye contact. He walks past us, pausing to chat with Lucy. I walk back across the street, where I had been reconstructed. I walk slowly and stilted. There is a robot named Oscar that apparently had killed hundreds of people to get the parts needed to reconstruct me. There is a sense of fear. I am in danger. So are others. Then there is doubt. Maybe I was the one that killed them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3446", 
            "head": "02/01/99", 
            "content": "I am driving a VW bus and pull into a gas station, but there is no one around. I wait and look around. Nobody is there. I drive away. Now I am with Jeb. He and I are trying to go through some piles of things. Clothes and so on, and get them moved to where they are supposed to be. Jeb works hard but we don't seem to get anything moved. Jeb has hay straws on his back. I tenderly brush them away, feeling sympathy for him. We sigh and continue trying. Now another man who likes me is helping. He is a very kind and nice man but I consider him a bit slow mentally. After we got some things moved, he gently kisses me. I like his kiss, and then I pull back. We won't suit. I am more intelligent and quick witted than he is."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3447", 
            "head": "02/07/99", 
            "content": "It is night. I look into a room, where my Mother is sitting dejected on the floor inside the couch frame. A man and a woman are around. Next I feel afraid and I look into the bathroom. I see the feet of my Mother and the man as he is raping her. I know he has also killed her. I run out of the house, afraid for my life. I crawl into a cupboard to hide, aware that that might be a bad decision, being so close and obvious. The woman finds me and I lie still, pretending to sleep. She pulls on my nipple to sit me up. She reaches for the other one and comments it is so flabby she can't get a grip on it. I angrily decide if she's going to be manipulating my nipple I might as well feel sexual. I will it to be so, but no sexual feelings. I just feel disgusted. Next I am in front of the house and crying in grief. I lie down in the snow and wave my arms making a snow angel. I am overcome by my Mother's rape and murder. A row of simple crosses are near me in the lawn. The dead pilot's graves. I hear them grieving also, for their own deaths. We all are in anguish. Another man and that same woman are caring and concerned about me. He comes out to convince me not to will myself to die."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3448", 
            "head": "02/07/99", 
            "content": "I am in a room where Michael J. Fox is the music teacher and his students are practicing. His son, a toddler, is playing a small plastic electronic piano like thing which also has chess pieces on it. He is playing with one hand but I hear notes from both hands. At first I think he is playing this incredible Beethoven like music himself and then I wonder if part of it is electronically produced. He also plays chess while he plays the piano. I talk with Michael while holding his cute son complementing Michael on his son. Later I need to go to the bathroom but the toilet is filled with shit and it is covered over with popular women's magazines. I find a bowl I will pee in. I ask my Mother's permission."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3449", 
            "head": "02/13/99", 
            "content": "Howard and I are standing next to a car. A convertible. He wants us to have sex. I am thinking it over, wondering if after all this time, we could be happy. I pull back and say no. It won't work. He gets angry and grabs my arm and forces me over to the wall of  a house and tries to rape me violently. I hit him hard, knocking him unconscious. I then call 911. The person on the phone says there is nothing they can do since he wasn't raping me at the moment. I am angry and exclaim, Do you mean I have to wait until it is too late to get help to get help? I then see Howard regaining consciousness. I run, to grab my two children, who are very like Damian and Amelia. They think it's a game and run from me. I finally catch them, not actually finding Amelia as willing her to be there, because Howard almost gets us. I put the kids in the car and we drive away, only now I'm in the back seat and a woman is driving, telling me of a friend of hers who could help."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3450", 
            "head": "02/13/99", 
            "content": "I am traveling up a mountain to get to a meeting. I arrive and go into the meeting room. Nice people are wandering around. It is time to look outside and see the Great Lunum which was predicted to occur on June 11th. It is some spiritual prophesy that the world will have some special illuminecence that will be so incredibly beautiful and iridescent. I open the door and go out. I see two rainbows, beautiful clouds near a mountain. I notice that the Lunum isn't there, and wonder why we would want it anyway. Just plain ordinary nature is so beautiful, why would we want to add anything? I also chuckle at the people who came all the way up this mountain to see the view and all we can see is the inside of the fog."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3451", 
            "head": "02/26/99", 
            "content": "I am exhausted and tired. A lesbian, like Dwan, is following me as I walk outside. She is trying to talk me into having a lesbian affair. She is trying to tell how wonderful it will be and I would really like it. I am angry and tired and I tell her to leave me alone. She persists. I get into the back seat of a car, and she follows me in still talking. Now I am walking up some stairs. She follows, and others are there, also trying to convince me. I am very angry and frustrated. Now I am in bed and Susie S. lies in bed with me, on my left. She caressed my left nipple, trying to get me sexually aroused. I am disgusted and very angry. I tell her to stop. I am not interested in lesbian sex. I push her hand away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3452", 
            "head": "02/27/99", 
            "content": "Ernie is around as I am preparing to get dressed for my paper presentation. It is friendly, emotionally intimate and helpful. I put on a pair of panty hose which later I see now has holes and runs in them.  I put on a gray suit, the skirt zips up the front. I notice my tummy isn't as fat as in reality, but still has a bulge there. I am slim and looking very sophisticated. I feel good about my presentation."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3453", 
            "head": "02/27/99", 
            "content": "A man named Nate is addicted to some cough medicine. He is crazed by it. He grabs me and forces me into a lake. He needs to get across to get his next fix. He forces me to drink the medicine. I pass out  in a stupor and he drags me across the lake. When we get across, there is a cabin. We go in and I am passed out. Time has passed and he is starting to come out of the stupor. He holds me in his lap and takes off my wet clothes. He falls in love with me and begins to make love to me. Because of this love, he fights the addiction and doesn't take the medicine. It is painful for him, but he does it. I am in love with him and help him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3454", 
            "head": "03/24/99", 
            "content": "I am attracted to this nice man and he likes me too. We are shy. I get into a shower room. I am fully clothed and naked at the same time. A woman sits on the opposite end of the shower area, hanging out. The man walks in and sees me. I say \"I'm taking a shower here.\" He is embarrassed and sexually excited and retreats quickly. Another man comes in and I say the same thing. I am drying off, and now I have a pretty pink dress from the 1950's on. The bra shows through the white see through insert at the top of the demur dress. The mist from the shower caused my hair to be curly and I look sweet, pretty and sexy. Subtle sexy. I walk out into the room where the man is. He is very sexually excited seeing me. We hesitate and slowly move closer for a wonderful sensual kiss."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3455", 
            "head": "03/25/99", 
            "content": "I am in a large school. I can't find the exit. Now I'm in a room, and Howard is there. I wonder if I could make love to him again. I think about it, wanting to be friendly, but can't quite feel right about it. He leaves, feeling fine because he has another wife. I walk down halls looking for the exit. I find one and go outside. Dotty is there. I want to know how Charla is doing. Now I go back into the school. I look in a room and go in to rest, only to realize it is a graduate student's office. I see their things on the table. I leave again. Now I am rolling on the floor with S., exercising. I tease her that her upper body will be stronger than mine, but I can beat her with isometric exercises against her legs. Now we are walking together down a hall which has like a raised roadside edge where I find crystal rocks. I examine one and decide it is nice but not spectacular enough to take. I find a nice small one I like. Then we turn a corner and I find a pink marble egg. I realize someone lost it and I take it to a nearby store. The Asian man who lost it left a letter asking if they would return it to him, should anyone be honest enough to return it. He is very happy. I find a letter and I sneak a peak at it, looking around to see if Susie or anyone else is watching. I see the name Beverley. I try to remember who she is, I know I know her, but can't place it. Maybe she was one of Howard's wives. I put the letter down, half read and go on walking with Susie."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3456", 
            "head": "03/26/99", 
            "content": "A cat is sick and very tired. Then it dies. Then a large beautiful tiger comes to me and stretches out on me like it's trying to lay with me in the chair. It is tired and wants to be cuddled. I hug it warmly. We sit together, enjoying each others company."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3457", 
            "head": "03/28/99", 
            "content": "A baby is packed in a box with other things. I become concerned for it's safety and open the box. I see that it is very hot in there and the baby has sweated so much it is lying in a pool of water and is in danger of drowning. I try to pick it up. Some green leaves fall in the water and I try to scoop them out before they melt into the water and choke the baby. I finally get the leaves out. I pick up the baby. He changes into a tiny little baby, deformed like Merle. I hold him in my hand. Now the baby changes again into a small kitten who hungrily sucks on my thumb. I being a mouse or some small animal to it so it can get some milk. The tits are brown and the right size for the kitten. It drinks."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3458", 
            "head": "03/28/99", 
            "content": "I am entering a store that is similar to a cement parking garage. I am there to choose a free gift. Before I can find the gift, a huge wave of water floods the entire area and I am walking down an incline. I realize I am in danger and turn to walk back up before I drown. I struggle, holding on to a curb to guide my way. I see a white water wave coming at me. I grab a plant from under the water and get out of the store. Now I am walking to find my van. I see it is parked safely up on a hill. But the way to it is cut off with a swelling river in a canyon. I will have to wait before continuing my journey. I think Ginny is there now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3459", 
            "head": "03/30/99", 
            "content": "I am on a shopping trip with my girls, between the ages of 3 and 8. Dovre decides she wants to go to a church down the street. I let her go and accompany Paulina to another church which looks like a cafeteria. A Holy Bible is on our table and a woman comments on it being one of the older ones. I tell her it's not my bible, someone else must have left it there. Paulina isn't eating her plate full of eggs. I ask her why. She says the plate is dirty. I say we'll order a new one. It's OK. I worry now that I shouldn't have let Dovre walk to the other church alone. Maybe she is in trouble. I am thinking of going on shopping, when I feel my throat close up and reach my arm toward the far side of the mall where I'd left my wheelchair and water bottle. I gasp. My water, my water. Then I choke."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3460", 
            "head": "04/03/99", 
            "content": "I am in a pickup with Charla, Lenny, and Kyle. Kyle is driving. He pulls right up to an edge of a cliff. I say Don't do that! I am afraid we will go over the edge. And then we do. We slide off and fall. I see the huge lake and the land. We are going to die. I exchange Charla for Lenny, thinking I would have a better chance of saving a smaller child and Charla would have a better chance with Kyle. I am surprised it is Kyle and not Howard in the relationship, but I yell out \"I love you all.\" to them and add, \"I wish I'd been a better person.\" My last words, I thought. Then we decide to eject out of the pickup before it lands. I clutch Lenny as we fall. I try to stretch or move toward the water and manage to land in the water. We survive and I swim, holding Lenny to the shore. I lay in the water's edge with broken ribs on my right side, surprised and in shock that we lived through it. Some man is backing a boat into the lake when he sees us at the edge of the boat landing. He takes us to the hospital, which is an old house, converted to a hospital. A woman caseworker asks me some questions about Charla. I tell her that Charla has used swear words like \"Bitch\" at me. The caseworker wants to have the case sent to her and I say you already have the files here. She says but that's not the case. I don't understand. I think they are the same thing. Now I walk with Lucy up several flights of stairs to our hospital room. I see Kyle is in a bed, and Lenny is in the bed between Kyle and me. I am relieved. I feel very uncomfortable that I am supposedly in relationship with Kyle. Several of his buddies are there talking with him. I want a regular bed, but Lucy chooses it. I decide the hospital bed is just fine and lie down, exhausted. Some nice man is at the head of the bed trying to adjust it to make me more comfortable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3461", 
            "head": "04/20/99", 
            "content": "I am in a room. Two women and myself are listening to a man named Bob how is lecturing on some subject. One of the women has already spoken on this subject and he discounts her thoughts and feelings. He is boring and not very accurate. After the speech, he realizes he has not done well and that the woman was correct. He looks for her to apologize. He respects her now. The women say it's time to go home. We walk out the building and down the street. A bus passes us with cute animals like penguins seating in them. Another bus goes by with a paper mache stork in the back. I am tired now and so the woman uses her remote control to call the car to us. It rushes past us, the bumper dangling down. It is broken. It smashes over a cliff and falls to the desert floor. We go to the edge and look over, I feel fear and vertigo. The woman was pulled into the crash and killed. She rises as a fairy angel spirit. Bob is now a red devil suited spirit and she makes him chase her in an opposite direction from us to save us. We are now tiny, like fairies and  walk through a hedge with beautiful purple flowers. We see on the other side a meadow with a fairy castle at the far end. I see white dog dragons flying toward us, sent by the fairy woman to help us. I am amazed to see that we are really in a meadow right next to the outskirts of our home town. The buildings are huge and loom high above us."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3462", 
            "head": "04/23/99", 
            "content": "I am mopping the floors of a house that looks a bit like the Mac House. The rooms are spacious with very little furniture. I am in the kitchen and another woman is also helping me clean. I mop the kitchen, the dining room and the living room. My \"husband\" Jerome comes home from work and he has invited a man and his wife to dinner. I greet them in the living room where they are seated on a couch. He is brusque and asks me what I am serving for dinner. I say I thought I'd send out to the store for fish filets. He frowns and says he only eats Layton's Mayo. I say then I will buy some. I walk back into the kitchen where Jerome and the teenage boys are seated at a table. Jerome is annoyed that the man only will eat Layton's Mayo. He hates that brand. I then leave to him to decide if we get that kind of Mayo. I look over at another table and see it full of wonderful desserts, breads and casseroles. Jerome apparently made them. So we eat. I hope some of the desserts are sugar free. Now I am doing the dishes and cleaning up after the meal. The house is different now. A modern spacious house. Large windows across the back kitchen wall. I look out and see a tornado funnel coming at the house. I see several male children in the back yard. A woman is there also and is sucked up by the tornado. I run out to rescue a boy in the path of danger. I grab him just as the other boy is held upside down by the tornado. As I cling to the boy, I yell No, No at the tornado. That somehow makes it back off. I run back into the house. Now I walk back around a curved hall to the living room. I see a young man tap dancing. He had some earlier reputation as a good professional dancer, but no one recognizes him. A young woman comes in. Her name is Rose. The man and the woman are going to meet and dance together. I watch this. Now I am somewhere else, and returning home to find it destroyed by the tornado. I stand on the flat boards left and see a crudely built mail box in the shape of a simple house. Now I am staying overnight in a beautiful spacious house where Jerome and his wife live. I get up in the morning and walk through the curved hall seeing a couch and TV sets and fireplaces along the way. I decide I want to go home now rather than stay longer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3463", 
            "head": "04/27/99", 
            "content": "I, the dreamer is observing myself in this dream. I am standing in the back yard of my house. Which is the front yard of a man like Tyler I am staring in horror at the flames spreading from the next door apartment I was living in to the house my kids and I live in. As I am watching, I slowly realize that I am simply standing there, watching the fire grow and spread. I suddenly remember Charla is upstairs in the bedroom close to the outside wall next to the flaming apartment. I run into the house and upstairs calling frantically for Charla. As I rush into the house, I stop and see firemen coming to put out the fire in the apartment. Then I go into  the bedroom and search for Charla calling out for her repeatedly, scared she is dead. I find her in her bed sleeping and call to her to wake up. She slowly wakes up and I pick her up and run out of the house with her. Now I am back in the back yard having returned to the comfort of the man. There are several other men there and I stand there holding Charla who is actually like a limp rag doll, hanging nearly upside down and in my left hand a fist full of dollars, which are turning into fake money. Some of the young men had found some of the money I dropped as I had run across the lawn. I tell them it is mine, but they don't believe me. Apparently I had, while rescuing Charla, stood there for a moment thinking about what other important Items I should grab up and take with me. Suddenly I remember I don't know where the other two girls are. I am frantic and run back to the house, upset with, myself for not being able to remember to rescue them in the first place. How could I have forgotten them? I look in the windows from the outside to see if they are in their bedroom, on the far side of the house away from the fire. No one there. I fleetingly wonder if Howard is there. I go back in and back upstairs. I go into my bedroom, which is across the hall from Charla's bedroom. I repeatedly cross the hall to her bedroom looking in to see the condition of the meter that shows status of the fire and the electrical workings of the house. I am concerned about it. It won't go back to normal and so I worry there is something still wrong. I am tired and lie down on my bed. It is dark and I hear men coming up the stairs. A policeman is bringing Howard home, drunk. The talk at the door way of my bedroom. Then Howard comes in stumbling and falls dead drunk on my bed. I get up immediately, upset and angry. A grown daughter with several of her children and her husband come up the stairs. She comes in. I say to her. There he is, drunk. I hate that man. The husband says to me \"Give him a break. It's only once.\" I am furious with the husband and I rush up to him, causing him to back up. I yell at him. You don't know all the things I've gone through with him. You have no right to talk to me like that.\" He thinks I'm crazy or a bitch. The daughter, holding one child and the other child sleeping on the floor downstairs, is now sitting on my bed with an open bible. She is upset about not being able to learn her bible lesson for tomorrow's service. She is saying \"I don't remember if it was Ezeakial or Issaih or who that said whatever to whomever.\" I remember again I still don't know where Dovre and Paulina are. I go back down the hall and start to pass a second bedroom. I pause, go back and into that bedroom to find Dovre on the floor (she is perhaps 8 or 9 years old.) She is still sleeping. I shake her repeatedly to wake her. Finally she sleepily responds. I find Paulina/Ellie as a toddler, maybe 2 years old, in the bed all curled up and sleeping. I pick her up and try to wake her as well. She turns into a plastic toy. I carry them both out of the room, relieved to have found them and not understanding how they could have slept through so much for so long! I recheck the meter. I ask my daughter's husband to look it over as well. He says it's fine. I don't believe him and go in to look again. I pull open the top drawer in a dresser to see a stack of old letters. Love letters, I think but as I look at them, I see they are letters from men I knew long ago but not real close. One was a military young man named Brent. I close the drawer. I look at the meter again. I return to my bedroom. There is now another bed and several phones on it. One of them rings. I am surprised because it is the middle of the night. I answer it to hear Dovre asking me Do I have a phone? I hang up. I then explain to my grown daughter how I was so slow to respond to the fire. I told her I just stood there in the apartment looking at the small flames thinking it will go out on its own. Then as it spread, I watched it, dully not feeling any concern. Then when it was almost too late, I suddenly realized the danger for me and my children. I feel stupid and neglectful. I feel guilty for not remembering Dovre and Paulina."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3464", 
            "head": "04/28/99", 
            "content": "Charla is a beautiful child preparing for making it big in Hollywood. I am her chaperone and helper. She has perfect blonde hair in a bouffant style. We are at a place where the Hollywood hopefuls come to train and be discovered. There are hundreds of them. I am filled with love and pride of how beautiful Charla is. The scene is surrealistic, neither indoor or outdoor. No walls. Charla is tap dancing. I say that tap dancing is a strange style of dance. A narrator remarks that there is always one or two specially talented people that come in and are recognized immediately.  One dances by. Charla is trying to sneak past me wearing three different dresses, one on top of the other. She's trying to meet a young boy somewhere. I tell her she can't fool me. I tell her to go back. Another woman is around. Now I am flying in some sort of structure like a parking garage. Only this is where artists who didn't make it are stuck forever. It's the Loser Highway. The flying space is like the curved way cars drive in parking garages. I see other losers caught in there, one man tethered to the structure and trying to fly. It is very sad. Another man is heart broken because he created wonderful artistic pictures in there but now that he is trying to return to regular earth, the pictures disintegrate and are ruined. All his talents and work destroyed. Now I am told to fly over the producer's desk. I fly over there. He is a big noisy man. Flashy dresser."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3465", 
            "head": "04/28/99", 
            "content": "A woman friend and I are Hollywood stars. We are shopping and having fun. We meet these two men and they join us. It's a sort of outdoor mall. We try on different blouses and they try on shirts. The shirts are velvet and very soft to the touch. The man I'm with comes toward me and I stroke the large lacy collar of his shirt to feel the sensual softness of the shirt. My friend's man comes over in a more tailored version. I touch his shirt also. He and I are attracted to each other. He likes me to touch him. We walk on. My man and my friend wander off and her man (like the game host on Hollywood squares, Tom) and I sit and talk. We clearly are growing more affectionate and really like each other. There is hesitation because he is my friend's man. Suddenly it begins to rain grasshoppers. I don't like that and Tom and I duck into a corner of a store front. The other man ducks into another place nearby.  Tom is very efficient and helpful asking the proprietor of the store if we can come in. He says no. Tom goes in to get what we will need to be comfortable. A Mexican man comes up to me and asks if I want to buy a cover to put up to protect us. I say You will have to ask the gentleman. I really like that he is taking over and arranging everything for my comfort. Tom returns with several pairs of rubber boots, a bottle of something and something to eat. The Mexican man is putting up the cover which causes Tom and I to have to cuddle close together. We look at each other longingly. He adores me and I feel filled with love and sexual excitement. He tenderly kisses me. I love it. But I pull back, remembering he is my friend's man. He smiles gently at me and says, I won't do that again until I've talked with Carol and broken off with her. Carol is now with my man and they seem to be fine with each other. It won't be long now and Tom and I will be able to make wild passionate love. I look forward to it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3466", 
            "head": "04/28/99", 
            "content": "I am in bed with Jennifer H. I sleep like I did with Howard, always facing away from him because I didn't want to be close, because then he'd want sex. She falls out of bed on the floor and twitches. I look over at her wondering if she is having an epileptic seizure. She gets back in bed. I had turned to sleep in that direction but when she got in bed again, I turned back to face away from her. I fell the same resistance and guardedness I felt with Howard, like he was going to pounce on me. Now we are out of bed. Jennifer is upset and wants to talk about our relationship. I do not want to talk about it. I avoid her. We are actually in a sort of camp ground area, even though the bed is a regular double bed. Charla is there now. She and I are talking in a friendly way. Jennifer finally bursts out with the question about what is our relationship. I say I don't want to talk about it. She says you won't even look at me. I say I'm sorry. I can't do it. That's the way I am. I have trouble looking at people. It's me, not you. She is very sad. I repeat that I am sorry if I hurt her, but I just don't want a relationship with her. I say Charla is really the only person I've ever had a real emotionally good relationship with. Jennifer sadly leaves."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3467", 
            "head": "04/28/99", 
            "content": "I am still at the campground where Jennifer H. left. A man comes by and we talk. We like each other. Charla and I are packing things up to leave. Another silly man comes by and makes friends with the first man. They talk about how they are Indians. The silly man is a Crow Indian and the other names a tribe. I get into a small black car, which had been Jennifer's. She had left it. It has a clutch. It is easy to drive, but I will tire of the clutch pedal soon. I am waiting for the man to come by and drive that away while I drive my van. The man comes playfully around a corner wrapped up in a blanket like a cocoon. He and Charla are playing games. I chuckle. We all get along fine."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3468", 
            "head": "04/29/99", 
            "content": "I am being pursued by a Nazi woman who is trying to capture me. I run but she keeps after me. I run up a long flight of stairs. I know I am inside a building but there are not normal rooms, it's like a stage facade of stairs and windows and a door across a long drop off where the hall would have been. A door opens on my left as if from across a hall. A man, like Robert Taylor comes out and sees me. He is a nazi also. The woman catches up with me and I am forced to sit on a couch on a sort of balcony. Other female nazis are there. Robert sits next to me on my left, very close and ups his arm around my shoulder to grasp my right hand. He uses a double pronged needle to inject something into me. I struggle but I am trapped. He begins to skin my hand with a small knife. I don't feel much pain, like only the top layer of skin is being removed. It is being skinned off like a glove. I beg him to stop, but he smiles and continues. Then suddenly he is sexually excited and says I want to do her. I am now still seated on the couch but he is naked and on top of a beautiful naked woman with large breasts. Her figure is shaped like Seven of Nine's on Star Trek Voyager. I see his thin penis dangling down as he gets on top of her. His skin is very dark brown, compared to the white of the woman's skin. I see her face as he thrusts very business like in her. He comes quickly. The woman got no sexual enjoyment of the rape. She looks pained and scared. I take this moment to run again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3469", 
            "head": "04/29/99", 
            "content": "I am running from the Nazi's. I duck into a cross dressing bar. Ellie is in there dressed as a woman and so are all the men. I am a woman, dressed as a woman pretending to be a cross dressing man. I sit at a table with two pretty men. I am wearing a maroon long velvet dress with a scoop neckline and slits up the back to reveal my shapely legs. Ellie knows its me and pretends to not know me, but smiling at me. A midget with a limp, male and dressed as a male, comes up to me and asks me to dance. I say yes. I stand and take his hand, walking and semi dragging him along. We weave through the tables and find a small empty spot and begin to dance. Then the midget falls in love with me. Then some regular non gay men come in to harass the cross dressers. They also bring jeans and leather pants. The cross dressers are choosing which ones fit. I pass a few along, holding them up to me. I say too bad I'm so fat. Some cross dresser says women's pants are always too small for me. I see that Robert Taylor, the Nazi, and his men have entered. I try to walk out but they capture me. We are walking down the front steps of the bar when the midget flings himself at me to knock me down the stairs hoping he would kill me so that I wouldn't suffer at the torture the Nazi's were going to inflict on me. I fall down the stairs and so does he. I am unhurt and he is injured. He begs for my address. Someone says it and he runs to a wood box just outside my house so he can live close to me. As I am walking down the sidewalk, a woman in a wheelchair with dark hair and missing legs up to the knees and the under half of her breast cut off wheels up to me. She shows me her breast which she will reconstruct later, she says. I ask her for her car keys. She says you'll never make it. But she throws me the keys. I make a break for it and jump into her small convertible car in the yard next to my house that we were walking toward. It is a silly plastic car. But I start the motor and race away with Robert in hot pursuit. I crash through the fence and a metal pole and drive down the streets. A woman says you can't do that with that car, it's plastic. But I succeed anyway. I abandon the car and run into a shed and hide under some hay. I burrow through it to the back wall, ripping off some of the boards and crawling through. Several men, while talking with each other, come close and look in. I am somehow in plain sight even though supposedly hidden. They pretend not to see me as they are actually undercover agents for my side. Somehow now I am the man and I am having sex with a woman. I am thrusting at her from behind and on top. I am sexually excited."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3470", 
            "head": "05/02/99", 
            "content": "I am a part of a class. Someone suggests some study tips and I write them down on a young woman student's notebook for her. I tell her I did that to help her. I feel interfering but it is for a good reason. Now, I am in an audience. A woman on stage asks a question. I walk quickly up the stairs to on stage to answer it. I answer it correctly. She gives me a look meaning What a jerk. Always has to be a know it all. I then walk backstage, having had the intention of leaving early and this is a good opportunity. She follows me and says you're going the wrong way. I say, no, I want to go downtown. I leave, opening the pretty glass door near the large window. (like it was a house, not a theater.) I walk downtown."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3471", 
            "head": "05/02/99", 
            "content": "I am in a classroom. I am making something artistic, using a paint brush. I am seated because a man teacher is lecturing. I look up to see him looking at me disapprovingly for doing something else while he lectures. I continue painting but then stop. I put the paint brush on the edge of a desk. Then I see that large globs of yellow paint are dripping off the brush. I don't know what to do, so I put my hand under it to catch the globs as they fall. Now I have a messy hand full of paint. I look around and see a box, under a daybed. I put it there. I'll save it for another young woman to use in her project. Now some other man is announcing that this session was taped by NPR. I say to the teacher if I'd known it was NPR, I'd have written a real poem. (meaning the one I read I'd just casually written, it wasn't a really good piece of work.) I see I have black oily stuff all over my hands and I try to clean them off. I want to help this young woman do her project before I leave. I want to talk with the teacher before he leaves. I am attracted to him. He then walks out and I feel disappointed. Later a woman sits next to me and I realize she is the teacher. I'm not as interesting in talking with her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3472", 
            "head": "05/03/99", 
            "content": "I am in a driveway with a woman and Lucy. I am handing Lucy cards. She stares at it and then I tell her what's on it. I then remember that she is totally blind. I feel stupid doing this and embarrassed. The woman suggests we go to a store that is down a steep dirt path. I say not now. I am interested in the clothes they sell there but I am worried about if the path is accessible or not. Later I change my mind. I call Lucy and ask if she can come over and help me go to the store. She says sure. Justin is home all afternoon. I remind her not to be late because it is 2:30 PM and the store will close and I need to take my pickup to get more gas. They come over. Lucy and my father get in the back of the pickup. I help them get comfortable. I ask Justin if there is enough room for him. He says no (even though there was). So Justin and their child get up in the front seat. I am driving. We go to someplace where there is a mechanic. He will fix some part of the pickup that has been broken for a long time.  Two men are there talking about the event that is going to happen on the huge snow field right in front of us. I decide I want to get a good seat, so Justin and I go to a corner on the left of the snow field. I park my wheelchair. I decide it will be too uncomfortable sitting in the chair for a long time, so I put my purse on the ground and then I scoot out of the chair and to the ground in front of the foot pedals. I am crowded and uncomfortable. I move the purse to the chair seat. I tell Justin he can sit in my chair. I am worried that my chair and me take up too much space."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3473", 
            "head": "05/07/99", 
            "content": "I am Whoopi Goldberg and I'm in a house. I go outside and see a Chinese young woman trying to drown herself. Her mother is distraght. The young woman was about to be married to a nice man. Then I see the giant coming. I run into the house. The giant eats people. The giant wears a hat. He  looks into the house through the window. He is so big that his eye is as big as the window. I hide, but he sees me. I grab a stick and poke him in the eye. He is in pain and cries out. I run out the house, looking back to see if he's chasing me. I see a huge shadow of him in his hat coming after me. Then I see a whole crowd of them all in hats coming after me. I run toward the carnival the young man owns."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3474", 
            "head": "05/08/99", 
            "content": "I am in a house with many many rooms. It used to be \"my\" house, and I am selling it to Abner. I realize that I mostly live in one or two rooms. I tell Abner there are some incredible rooms in this house... But I haven't used them in years. I am cleaning up to make ready for Abner to take over the house. I look out a window and see beautiful birds. Someone said look at the Thunderbirds. I see exotic colored birds, greens, spots of red and yellow. They are actually having sex. I see a huge white feathered bird that looks like an eagle. I'm not sure if it is alive. I go outside to speak to Abner. Howard is working in a garden. So is Abner, further up the path. Later some man and myself walk down a hill in a wooded area behind the house and enjoy the spacious beautiful area. Perhaps a river runs through it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3475", 
            "head": "05/08/99", 
            "content": "I am supposed to give a presentation with Oprah watching. I am digging around in my suitcase for the video Ophrah wants me to show and the file folders of information I will present. I can't find them. The audience is waiting in the other room of this house and I chatter on while I search to keep them occupied and interested. I tell them of a journey from Central America to my home in Connecticut with a car I was transporting from one place to the other. I am telling this story for the benefit or entertainment of a man who had a similar experience. I can't find the stuff after looking three times through the suitcase. I cheerfully say to Ophrah and the waiting audience this isn't a problem. I know the material by heart and will give them a good presentation without the material. I apologize to Ophrah for losing her video. I know she considers it important and informative."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3476", 
            "head": "05/11/99", 
            "content": "I am at a dance. Michael J. Fox is there and is dancing with a woman. I dance alone. No one invited me to dance. I feel sad. Michael is watching. He then comes over to me and invites me to dance. I am surprised and pleased. We dance. Then he continues to chat with me after the dance is over, walking with me. He has his arm around my shoulder in a friendly way. I am surprised to realize he is so short. He has to reach up to put his arm around my shoulder. I remember I am standing now and that is why he seems shorter. We walk out of the building together. He takes me to his family's home. A large tent where people are eating and talking. He introduces me to his father and another relative, maybe an uncle. They are very impressed with the fact that he has brought a woman home to meet them. They are speculating if we are getting married or not. Michael says to them, of course we will get married. I am surprised and pleased again. The family is large and friendly. Now the family home is a huge  mansion, with a large green field for a front lawn. We are walking down the hall when a man tells me his father cheats on his wife as is the custom in this family. I am now outside looking at the mansion from across the field. I begin walking across toward the mansion. I see vendors with tables. I am hungry and ask to buy some food. The woman says you have money, don't you? I say I'm sure I have some on me and if not enough, then we'll go up to the house. She is very suspicious. She follows me. I ask her what is the price of this dish of ice cream? She says $25. I am shocked at the outrageous cost. It must be because this is such a rich neighborhood."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3477", 
            "head": "05/12/99", 
            "content": "I am in a house. A man intends to kill everyone there. He is making his plans. It will be horrible. I must stop it. Somehow, I manage to either kill him or pressure him to kill himself. I saved myself and the family, but I feel terrible that I assisted in his death. His family mourns his loss, not knowing what he was going to do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3478", 
            "head": "05/20/99", 
            "content": "I am in a huge black cave and the German soldier comes up to me and grabs my butt to feel if he wants to rape me or not. My butt is flabby and I hope that means he will not be interested in me. He walks away, still thinking about it. I am starving and ask a woman how to get food. She says we all have to find our own. Another woman offers me a plastic container with lasagna in it. I eat one bite and then the soldier is back wanting to rape me. I feel resigned and angry and hungry and tired."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3479", 
            "head": "05/19/99", 
            "content": "I am in some large building and am in charge of keeping people from going up to the 2nd and 3rd floors. I see a black man and several white people going up the stairs. I scurry over saying You can't go up there. They laugh at me and go up anyway. I go up there to get them out, worried that they will steal things. I see a group of old ladies at a long table in one hall. I ask what they are doing. They say they are attending a workshop that will last 60 days. I decide it's OK for them to be there. I go back downstairs, tired and overwhelmed. Then I realize I could hire someone to keep an eye on the upstairs. I go to a desk where a woman (Diane of Uni house) sits with a hat that says Wonder Woman. She is very busy and doesn't pay any attention to me. I see Ginny. She tells me she is staying at a different hotel and will be having dinner out with other friends. I am surprised and a bit hurt. Then I see Ginny is sad. I try to cheer her up. I decide to join her at the other hotel. She points down a hall and says I can get my key holder there. I go down there and see a Christmas tree display with crochet white key holders. Is this it? I ask. She says yes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3480", 
            "head": "05/20/99", 
            "content": "I am walking down a sidewalk. I am looking down the street to see if there is a grocery store down that way. I think maybe there is one, even though that direction is toward the fancy government and museum buildings. A man calls out to me to come on down that way. I abruptly turn and walk the opposite way. They laugh at me for being afraid. I think they are ruffians who will lure me there and hurt me. Now I am walking toward a theater building. Really good performers that I respect are there. They want me to join them. I struggle up a steep ramp to get to the top of the roof of the building. Sparky and others are there and want me to act in this Shakespearean play. And also direct them in it. I agree to do so. But now I am naked and crawling on my belly because I am paralyzed from the waist down. There are two people in wheelchairs that are acting in this play. I am proud of that (one of them is me.) But I am embarrassed to find myself naked and crawling on the ground as I go about my duties of creating an excellent play."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3481", 
            "head": "05/24/99", 
            "content": "I am lying on a bed, trying to sleep. Howard is seated near me. We talk. He is being helpful, trying to help me understand something that would be good for me to know. Later, He is lying in the bed with me. I \"wake up\" in the dream and realize that Howard is dead. He can't be there in my bed. I turn and look. He is not there. Then he talks to me. So now I'm wondering if I really looked or if I dreamed I looked. I am confused if he's really there or if I am dreaming it. Now my Mother comes in with a gift for me. A display holder of many different pens, all bright and interesting colors. I exclaim happily she couldn't have given me a better gift. I love multi colored pens. I hope she doesn't look into the living room where I have my own set just like it already. I don't want to make her upset or unhappy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3482", 
            "head": "05/28/99", 
            "content": "Darryl and another man rape me. I am shocked and angry. They are coming back to do it again. I must hide."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3483", 
            "head": "05/28/99", 
            "content": "A kind man, like Dwight B., comes over to talk with me at a party. He is gentle. As we talk I realize I like him. Then he slowly reveals that he knew me years ago when I was going to school and married to Howard. I now remember he was at OSU in a class. He liked me then. I look in his eyes and realize he loved me then and still does love me. We sit on a couch and cuddle, slowly getting closer and closer. Now it is the next morning and I awake in his families house. I am exhausted from partying all night and my arthritis hurts. I have bandages on my left hand, which is deformed like my right hand. I am bare foot. And walking with crutches. It hurts to get up and move. His family is nice to me, observing to see what kind of woman he brought home. I hear one of the children talking about Dwight's dream all these years of combining our foster homes we've created and working together. I tell the child I didn't ever do that. I don't have any foster homes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3484", 
            "head": "05/29/99", 
            "content": "I am the Mother Of the Bride. My \"daughter\" is in a pink feathery foo-foo dress and I wear one like it. I take my position, standing at the left of the alter. I motion to the other Mother where she should stand, near me. During the ceremony, my \"daughter\" faints, lying on her side. I go to her and try to revive her. Now Dora is the bride. 2 minutes after she is married, she falls down dead. We are shocked and saddened."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3485", 
            "head": "05/30/99", 
            "content": "Some bad guy is out to find me. I am with another man who shows me a secret panel in a wall. It opens and we slip into a tiny narrow space between two walls. We stand side by side very close together. The bad guy is near the wall looking for us. We are whispering things to each other which  brings us even closer and we are sexually attracted to each other. As we touch lip to cheek while whispering it increases our sexual desire."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3486", 
            "head": "06/01/99", 
            "content": "I am visiting Mary Sue and Dwan. I want to see their remodeled house and the progress they are making. I look at the outside. I see new window panels just like the ones in my remodeled room. Long and narrow. There are still more to put in but they have put in more since I last looked. Now we are inside. Dwan and I are talking. She asks me about being a lesbian. I grimace and say I just don't feel comfortable with it. Dwan says why not? I say I don't know, it doesn't feel right. She laughs at me, because she and Mary Sue are quite happy together. I then look into a bedroom they remodeled. It is very pretty with a double bed and lots of pillows and comforters. I see another bedroom and look in there also. They are doing a good job of remodeling their house."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3487", 
            "head": "06/02/99", 
            "content": "I am sort of a 6th grader. I have a very helpful kind teacher. Another girl is getting in trouble by not doing what she is supposed to do and will go to prison. I choose to help her learn how to do the right thing by putting myself and her in a prison setting for a short time. She realizes this isn't good and we return to the classroom. The teacher welcomes us back."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3488", 
            "head": "06/02/99", 
            "content": "I am intrigued with B.F. Skinner who is an arrogant intellectual. I don't like his personality, but I admire his mind and his thinking. I feel very tired and lie down to rest before his show comes on. I hope I can stay awake long enough to hear his lecture. I am at my parents' house, sort of."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3489", 
            "head": "06/02/99", 
            "content": "I am young, sort of middle school age only adult. I am in bed with a beautiful Chicano man. It is very sexually exciting and gentle. He is on top of me. He is wearing a white shirt and jeans. I am dressed also. We are kissing. I tell him I want to go all the way, and make love. He wants it too. But he chooses to have an orgasm and come in his pants rather than risk putting me in danger of getting pregnant. That's how much he cares for me. He is gentle and kind. The kind teacher comes into the room and we pretend I am not in bed with this Chicano man. We chat about a school project."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3490", 
            "head": "06/02/99", 
            "content": "I am a young beautiful model in a swim suit at the beach. William Shatner is there. As I walk past him, I make comments that are sarcastic because he was being self centered and arrogant thinking I would fall for him. He has the beginnings of a pot belly and gray hair. He jokes back with me and we build a kind of friendship based on our mutual respect for wit and fast thinking. He follows me as I walk through a crowd of people on the beach and lie down on a sand dune, between two other women who are sun bathing. I ask one how her relationship is going. She says they are about to get divorced. I am sad for her and say That is the saddest part of a relationship. William finds me and the women go away and he and I continue to gain more respect for each other. He puts sun tan lotion on me. I am wearing a black one piece bathing suit, with a hole cut out where my belly button is."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3491", 
            "head": "06/02/99", 
            "content": "I and two girls, perhaps my \"children,\" are walking up a path with a bunch of other people. We are going to the top of a mountain ridge. As I approach the top, I feel small earthquakes. Then I see a steam vent. The steam is pouring out. I realize we are on an active volcano that is about to erupt. I turn, with the girls and run downhill, yelling to the other people that the volcano is erupting. We run and run, then I see a river. There are wild animals in it, swimming fast to escape the volcano. I see elephants, alligators and mountain lions. We get in the water with them, knowing they are just as afraid of the volcano as we are and wont bother us. We swim and swim until the river is now dry and a small long tunnel. We run, hoping we are not trapped in there. Finally we get through to the other side but the lava is converging on us. We are then rescued in the nick of time by a helicopter just as the lave surrounds us on an island of rock."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3492", 
            "content": "(07/13/99)[\"Man follows me.\"] A man is attracted to me. I like him but I am on my way to"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3493", 
            "content": "(07/17/99)[\"Calling a friend for help.\"] I am trying to call Ernie to find out if his wife is at the University to help me Xerox my manuscripts. I can't find her. I am at a public pay phone. I am putting in coins, dimes, and they won't work. They keep coming back in the coin return slot. It is very frustrating. By now, I am sitting on the ledge the phone is on. I finally reach him. When I do, a large Mars bar pops into the coin return box as a reward. I get his answering machine. It goes for a long time and I patiently wait. Finally he comes on and I say About time!! We chat."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3494", 
            "content": "(07/17/99)[\"Van parked in the dark.\"] I am a young dark haired woman, a teen really, that lives at a small residential school. An out of the way place. I request a small model of the school be place at a perspective where I can draw it. I am in an open field. A woman places it. I keep asking her to move it here and there, because it is so far away I can hardly see it. It has classical designs with columns and a domes ceiling. Finally I apologize to her and say I'll just walk over to it and see it there. I must walk into the dark wooded bushy area to go past my van parked there. I feel a moment of fear at the dark wooded area and then muster up my courage and walk in there. The scene shifts and I am preparing a meal in the cottage where I live with the other young teen women. It is a beautiful kitchen with many interesting wine kind of bottles. Someone keeps asking me how long I've known this one student who is famous for some reason. I can't remember but I think it was before I was sixteen, perhaps when I was thirteen. The principle comes in to have dinner with us. A man teacher is plotting to tie him up. The teacher gets these teen boys and while the principle is seated on a open canopy thing with a web of ropes, he jokingly ties one arm to the ropes. The principal thinks its a joke, but before he knows it, he is tied up and can't escape. The teacher says to someone You probably wonder why I chose to teach in such an obscure place. Now I must get recognition."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3495", 
            "content": "(07/18/99)[\"Lazy PA.\"] I am on a motorcycle wearing black leather jacket and a white scarf around my neck. I am driving on a mountain road. Suddenly a man in a car comes around me and stops, blocking the lane of traffic. He's out to get me. I turn and drive up a steep gravel road to Ginny's \"house.\" I try to drive in but finally get off the motorcycle and walk in, locking the doors. The scene shifts. I am walking down a city street. I want to take a bath, even though it isn't scheduled until tomorrow. I tell my PA to prepare the special stretcher, bathtub we have. She is annoyed and wants to wait until tomorrow. I insist. I lie down, on the stretcher which has a special head rest for the shampooing. It feels comfortable, even though I am outside on the sidewalk. I believe I am clothed as well. Again, the scene shifts and I am in my van as a passenger. My PA stops in traffic in the turning lane and lets me out. I am annoyed she is blocking traffic. I am standing. She says she'll bring my wheelchair but she wants to use it too, She's tired. I am confused and a bit upset with her. She parks the van up the road and brings a manual wheelchair. Now I am walking down the sidewalk with another woman. I see a store window display of many large tropical fish, all flat and orange gold color with one large round black spot on it. Someone picks one up and bites off its tail. I feel queasy. They bite into the body and I can't look any more. My friend sees a display of round pendants on the sidewalk for sale. She lies down on the sidewalk to see them better. I bend over and look too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3496", 
            "content": "(07/18/99)[\"Making fancy beaded dresses.\"] I make a fancy dress with ruffles, chiffon materials and bead work on them. I take one to the store to have them sell it. Then I realize it's not ready yet. I withdraw it and go home to make them better. I have made four and am on the fifth one. I am ironing the frail chiffon bodice with interesting tucked patterns. I have an ironing board set up like a professional work station so I can be more efficient."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3497", 
            "content": "(07/20/99)[\"The criminal man runs and hides.\"] A criminal man is escaping something. He runs. I follow (disembodied) and watch. He finds a pickup truck someone is going to put down a canvas tarp on the back. He offers to help them, hoping to hide under the tarp as they leave. They agree he can help. He is tying down the right back corner. His ornate watch band gets caught up and starts to fall apart. He tries to untangle himself. But the watch band breaks. He abandons it and lies down under the tarp. The people seem to not notice. They drive away. He will be safe."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3498", 
            "content": "(07/20/99)[\"Registering for classes.\"] I am at a college, standing outside the building in a long line. It is time for registration. The doors open and the people rush in, I manage to be third in line and would like to be first because I only have a quick question. But I am asked by the woman teacher to wait over at another table. I sit and wait, watching the masses of students milling around frantically trying to get registered. I wait a long time. Finally it is my turn. I try to ask my question but the words are confusing and I am frustrated, Now I go to another room. I am looking through cupboards and seeing food things people had brought. I see three different kinds of bread. Nothing I am too interested in eating. I decide this isn't the right place for me. Lots of milling students. I ask a woman there something. She shows me a weird expanding cane, walker. She suggests I use that. I say it's too big and complicated. Then she shows me a more regular cane, I hold it backwards, She shows me the \"right\" way to hold it. I walk a few steps. Every time the cane touches the floor with a tap it is echoed through the clock. I say this doesn't work for me. I decide to leave the classroom. I go the bookstore. I am thinking of taking some classes and want to see what the books would be and how much they will cost. I am in a corner of the bookstore looking a shelves of books. Math books, science fiction. I almost buy some and then frustrated, I put them back. I feel really upset because I remember I've done this a number of times, taken classes and then not finishing them. A frequent dream motif but it feels so real I wonder unhappily if I've really done it again. I find one class in linguistics and am genuinely interested, thinking it would be a good class to take. I look at the description a weird word, looking something like division department or something. It would be too slow and tiring."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3499", 
            "content": "(07/20/99)[\"Growing new fingertips.\"] A man sits to my left. We are in a class. Only we are the only two students. He asks a question of the woman teacher. He says he had a friend a woman, who told him that after you get your Ph.D. you need to focus on one thing and study it. He wants to know how to find her. He talks about Mr. Spock and science fiction books. The teacher is annoyed. She says, so then your question is about finding an old friend? I absentmindedly bite off the tip of a newly grown finger tip and spit it out like a fingernail on the floor. Then I am shocked that I had done that. I feel a bit sick as well. There are two tiny well formed healthy new fingers growing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3500", 
            "content": "(07/23/99)[\"At home in the outback.\"] I am creating a play. It has comedy and family stuff and relationships in it. There is a stage in the living room of the family home I am in. My sister Lydia is helping me set up things on the stage. We are placing things we no longer want on the stage. A toaster oven. A TV. Junk. I ask a woman if it's all right to burn some of these things. She says yes. I walk behind the stage and rearrange some of the things. I decide I want to keep the TV and the toaster oven. I move them farther from the main area so they won't burn with the rest. I walk back around to the front of the stage. Jerome is there. I ask him if he will watch the play. He laughs and sneers saying it is insignificant. He has no interest in something that isn't big and important. I am insulted. I return sarcastic remarks back at him. Then he sneers at the skirt I am wearing. He names the brand. He says he can't take seriously anyone wearing a \"Bobbir\" skirt. I sneer back and say so who is being caught up in insignificant things. Brand names of clothes. OH boy, such important stuff. He feels embarrassed. I got him there, Now I strike a match and try to light the things on fire. The curtain is closed in anticipation of the burning as a performance. It goes out so I start balling up pages of newspaper. I hand some to Lydia. We prepare the papers and stuff them around the objects. I light another match or two and the fire starts. Now I am Whoopi Goldberg in an all white skirt and blouse. I have traveled to perhaps the Australia outback, although it looks like a suburban neighborhood. Jerome had traveled there to learn about birds. I meet a woman and her daughter, both black. The woman welcomes me graciously. And is walking me to the back yard, through the house. She is saying she is almost ready for the hunt. She must finish filling the bathtub with water. The hatchet is ready to chop off the bird's head. I feel a bit queasy about that part. The girl is talking about two birds she has already seen, one an Owl, she says. The woman smiles. She had misnamed the type of bird. I am determined however to participate as well as I can and as fully as I can in the ceremonious hunt. The girl and I are being initiated, I guess. We walk out to the back yard. Black men and Jerome (white) are out there. The ritual begins. I watch as the girl contorts her face into an impossible mask like position, literally sucking in her nose until she looks like a bird skull. I am impressed. Now I must transform. I also do that. Jerome is amazed and impressed I am able to not only understand the importance of this experience but am also able to do it. We have earned the right to remain in the hunt. Apparently we must transform our faces to be able to walk up to the bird, as it will not recognize us without human like features."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3501", 
            "content": "(07/23/99)[\"The dreams fly me.\"] I am aware that I am in that between waking and dream state. I feel charged energy. I don't want to wake myself up and yet I want to examine what is going on. I am standing on a high second story platform in a huge room. I am wearing my blue velvet dress, A man has something in a box. I open the box and green shapes fly at me and absorb into my body, mostly in my right shoulder, from the back. I am afraid because I realize these things, are entities of some kind and they are taking over my body. I also realize they are dreams the man had captured in his box. He demands his dreams back, but they beg me not to let him imprison them again. They force me to fly out over the empty expanse of this huge room. I am afraid they will release me and I will fall and be hurt, but they are deeply in me and they fly me down toward the group of men standing on the floor. They fly me right above the man as I tell the man for them that they will never return to him. He is angry and would hurt me if he could reach me. The dreams fly me back up out of his reach. Now one of the dreams is the green shape of an angel like woman who is right behind me holding me as if to ensure we can not be separated. She is whispering to me information. I listen, feeling empathy for them. They had been cooped up too long and are resentful and angry. Intense feelings. I want to change something. I wonder what I want to happen. I then scream loudly, as if I were in fear. I wait for the images to transform to frightening things, but they don't. I am kind of glad. I don't know what to do or what I want to do with this lucidity."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3502", 
            "content": "(07/23/99)[\"Violin sharing.\"] It is necessary to move the computer. My daughter Ellie and a man I am married to move it for me. I go into the room they moved it to, in some apartment. At first I don't like the new set up. I say I like to look out the window when I'm thinking. Then I see a window in the right position. They move it again. Now I am facing a window and a window is on the right. I like that, except, now the door is partially blocked to the outside. I don't like that. I walk to the window and look out. We are high up on a hill. I look down and see a man walking up the hill toward our door. He is perhaps Eastern Indian. I wait in anticipation for his message. Now the scene changes, and he has brought me to a meeting in a room. He is seated in a large easy chair, more like a sofa. He smiles invitingly and suggests I sit with him. I do. A woman is his helper. She comes over and they talk. I realize this is a spiritual meeting and the topic is violins. Everyone is learning to play one. I comment I used to play one. He smiles delighted at that information. He leaves for a moment. I am seated next to another man who is struggling to learn how to play his violin. I give him some advice about second position, but he doesn't understand. So I use his violin to show him. I feel rusty and am aware my fingers are deformed. His violin is very unusual. It has cork pads with finger indents in each place where you would play a note. They are large and so the placement of the fingers is not the same as on a regular violin. I show him where you place your fingers for second position. On the violin are extra strings and numbers like 5 and 6 with arrows. The bridge is in the wrong place and the strings aren't long enough for all the positions. I struggle with these differences. Now the man has returned. He is seated on the floor next to the couch we are on. A woman is seated to my left. He smiles at me with happiness at my violin skills. The woman reaches down to him and pits her arms around his chest from behind and pulls him up to sit on the couch. His body is apparently paralyzed. It is fat and no muscle tone. Like a blubbery seal."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3503", 
            "content": "(07/24/99)[\"Shakespearean comedy of love.\"] I am walking down the street with Archie. We are uncomfortable with each other because its been so long since we've been together as friends. I ask him how things are doing for him. He says it is going well. Now I see a good looking man walking toward us. I am attracted to him. So Archie and spontaneously do a Shakespearean type performance. I am first a damsel, pretty and shy. He and I dance the flirty courtship. Then I aggressively and playfully grab Archie and kiss him passionately. This is all directed toward the watching man who is enjoying the performance and is interested in me. Then I change costume and am a dashing robber in a mask and tights. I sword fight Archie in a very athletic way and kiss him again. He feigns confusion as he is attracted to both me as a woman and me as a man. It is the Shakespearean comedy. The watching man laughs and enjoys the performance. Now I am wearing beaded hair, like a black woman, the beads glittery and shimmery."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3504", 
            "content": "(07/25/99)[\"Burt Lancaster and me.\"] Burt Lancaster/Archie sits next to me. He is very attracted to me. He is smiling and gently and pleasantly insistent. I am shy and unsure. I withdraw and he pursues me. Everywhere I go he is there. Slowly I am drawn to him feeling attracted to his physical beauty as well as the loving feelings he is sending out. I begin to wonder if there is something nice I can do or give him, as I appreciate the strong loving feelings he gives me. He is constant. I like it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3505", 
            "content": "(07/25/99)[\"Strange roommates.\"] I have a young man as a roommate and he has a girlfriend. I watch as she gets angry at him and packs up to leave because he didn't do something she wanted. He wants her to stay. She does this three times. On the third time, He knows the drill and simply hands her her small case as she points to it. She keeps coming back. I lie on a couch watching this silly drama. Finally she leaves and both the young man and I are glad to see her go. Now I go into the kitchen. I see a huge dish of hamburger with what looks like chocolate chips in it ready to be cooked. I show this to the young man and he says they are corn chips. We decide to cook it even though it was left by some other roommate. Later, I look into the cooking pot and it is more like a stew with chunks of beef and funny looking veggies. A bunch of string like white things."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3506", 
            "content": "(07/25/99)[\"On vacation with Howard.\"] I am on vacation at some motel. Kids are there. Paulina and Maren and another woman friend. We are in our rooms waiting for Howard and her husband to return. I suddenly realize that Howard left several days ago. I hadn't missed him at all. But today is the end of the vacation and we are packing to go home. Where is Howard? Did he leave me? And where is the car? How am I to get home? Then Howard and the other husband rush in full of excuses as to why they were gone so long. I interrupt him saying I don't care that you were gone, it's just that I need to know when you plan on returning and stuff so I can make my plans. I realize that sounded unfeeling and I see his face. He feels a bit hurt. I feel badly about hurting him, but facts are facts."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3507", 
            "content": "(07/26/99)[\"Strange skies.\"] I am traveling with Ginny. She is driving, she says look at the sky. She says see if you can find pieces and put them together to see a face. I decide to look for pieces and make Charla's face. I lie down on the seat, my head near Ginny's lap so I can see the sky through the cars front window. Ginny says look for the dark parts. I look. It is very dark. Then I see a funnel cloud, then another and another. I am concerned they will touch down and become tornadoes. But they don't. As I am looking up in the sky, I feel the car dip downhill suddenly and sit up to see what's going on. We are at the top of a hill on a very steep road. We are going fast and I nearly fall off the seat. I hang on. We arrive at the bottom of the hill and travel on. Now the straight road is across a waterway, with the tide out. We see the wet mud on both sides of the road. I say we'd better be careful to note the tide times so we return before the tides come in and cover the road. We suddenly see a shallow sheet of water over the road. We slow down and I am now in my wheelchair, tipping over. The car is gone. I decide to dive in the water to try and save the chair but at the last moment the chair rights itself and I am standing on the road, not dumped in the water. We get to the end of the road. Now we see rooms built into the rock wall. It is a University. We see several young women in a uniform of red and white horizontal stripes on the sweater top and white skirts. The school uniform. We see a cafe and look in the window at the food. We are aware we need to keep an eye on the tides so we can go home."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3508", 
            "content": "(07/29/99)[\"Competition then deliberate ruin.\"] I am on a football team of women. We are playing a team of men. We play hard and well surprising the men. We actually win, Now the two teams are lined up facing each other to shake hands and congratulate each other. The male captain tells us we have only 25 minutes to do the individual handshaking and remarks to each player on the other team. Our captain, like Captain Janeway, is supposed to tell the team members but she strangely wanders away suddenly. I as the second officer walk down the line and repeat to each player the news. Then I see that the Captain is in a small runabout space craft. She is recklessly driving around. Then she drives out toward space and crashes on a space station. I see flames billow up. This is so odd for her. Now Worf is suddenly taken over by a need to drive the silly slow and monotonous race cars that look like soap box derby cars at a reckless pace. He causes an accident. I am putting slowly in my blue car and see it, Now the police take him and me to jail. Somehow I get out of my cell and walk outside to the city street. I see that the door to the police station which had had the sign \"Police\" on it when we went in the first time now has a sign that says The Mind. I realize then that we are on another planet and the aliens are making us do these reckless actions and observing us. I go back inside to see Worf is out of his cell. I call attention to the desk officer that we are out of our cells. We walk around looking the place over, not worried about being caught or harmed. Now that I know, they have no power over me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3509", 
            "content": "(08/03/99)[\"Can't find medical help.\"] I have fallen off a steep cliff hillside. I have injured my left leg in two places. Perhaps the bones are broken. I am trying to crawl up the hillside to where Ellie is at the top. I call out for help. It is very painful and a difficult struggle. Now I am walking with a limp and with pain down a hall at a University. I am looking for the medical office where someone can help me. I can't find it. I ask directions of the many passing students. They tell me where to go and I follow their directions, only to find another classroom. Now another male student says it is in another building. He walks me outside and points to a sidewalk and tells me how to get there, but I am confused and ask for more direction, except he's gone already. I am very frustrated."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3510", 
            "content": "(08/03/99)[\"Scary dream conference.\"] I am at some university at a dream conference, seated at a table. I am working on my lap top computer. I call up some program and now can reach into the screen and pull out real money. Mostly pennies and some square coins, some Canadian coins, and a few dollar coins. As I do this, a man comes by, behind me and is showing some people some aura images on the wall behind me he can see. He says he has some evidence of the murders that happened here sometime ago. I feel a bit skeptical. Then I look and see the image of a woman on the wall and feel a bit frightened. Maybe that is the murderer's spirit. Ellie is somewhere in the background throughout the entire dream."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3511", 
            "content": "(08/05/99)[\"Interesting house.\"] I am attending a workshop being held outside on the grass. I sit in the aisle so I can see. There are four of us and we stagger our seating so we can see better. Later I decide to sit on the grass near the back, but I can't hear the woman speaking. She is demonstrating some skill or technique. Then I decide to move closer up front. It is a 15 minute break and I walk up to the front. The woman who is teaching and I talk. She decides to go see something I have at my house. Her friend is driving a pickup truck and we get in and go to my house. Then as we are returning to the workshop, we stop at her house for a moment for her to get something or do something. The driver is driving fast and we bounce over bushes to get to the back door. I am annoyed and surprised at the harsh bouncy ride. We walk up two small steps and enter the kitchen. I stand there waiting as the woman goes in to do something. Several of her children wander through rambunctious and noisy. I look down to see twin white kittens playing with my shoelaces. One kitten at each shoe. I laugh, it is cute. I notice the ceiling which has a mural of sunsets and some kind of fish motif. It is beautiful, lush reds and other sunset colors. I see it continues on into the other room and I sneak into the other room to see. I am now very curious about the house. This room is large and spacious. The next room has a brick floor, a fireplace, and lovely woods. Her husband (like Chris of 7 stars daycare neighbor) is a wimpy house husband and inept. He is in this room. I look to my left and see the bedroom. I walk into it, there are 2 steps down to get in. A beautiful four poster bed. As I walk through the room and the other door, I see a small ramp built. That's good. If I buy the house, it can be made accessible. I walk down a hall, which has railings like a stairwell which opens so that there aren't walls, but open spaces between the banister poles. You can look through to the other rooms. There are many more rooms in this interesting house. I want to buy it. I return to the kitchen. I call for the woman. I say don't we need to get back to the workshop? It was a 15 minute break and we've been gone an hour. She doesn't care. Then I see an old woman (maybe late 50's or 60's) and a man the same age. They are moving into the house. They are strangers to each other but I get the feeling they are going to grow to love each other in this wonderful house. They are using a small round disk to cut holes in something. Like one uses a cookie cutter in dough."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3512", 
            "content": "(08/06/99)[\"Blocked from traveling home.\"] I am driving my van. Dovre is in the passenger seat. I am annoyed with her because she has the tape recorder and the radio over on her side of the van. I tell her I want them back close by me so I can turn them on and off when I want to. She doesn't want to do it. I then point to the dashboard and reach for one of the cutout areas you can punch out to put the devices in. I say Shall I put it here? She is mad at me and doesn't answer. I almost punch out the area. Then I look ahead and see a barrier on the road. Lovely tall glass vases lined up, blues and pinks and empty. I pull over to the side of the road. Now what! How am I going to get home to M City, which is where we are headed. I get out of the van and start walking down the 2 lane curvy mountain road. Paulina says You can't park here. It's a no parking zone. I say no problem, I only parked the wheelchair, not the van. Then I remember that I did park the van but dismiss the problem and walk on to find someone to talk to about this problem of the barrier. I see a long line of beautiful glass pieces displayed similar to the vases of the barrier. I keep walking. Now I see some people, and am in some large building. I am looking for the person in charge. I see a large room where some people are. This is some small town festival. I go out of the building. I now have a cell phone and the phone number of the woman in charge. I call her and explain that this is the only way I can get home without turning around, backtracking and finding another way. I explain I am a woman in a wheelchair and it would be better if I could get through. She says I could go back to Sweet Home and go that way. I say but that would take so long. Then she says OK, we can figure out a way to let you through. I thank her, pointing out that the crowds are thinned out now, since it is late afternoon. It shouldn't be too much of a problem. The small town is named Wheeler."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3513", 
            "content": "(08/07/99)[\"Thrown out because I have a lively mind.\"] I am in a car in the passenger seat. A man is driving. He is trying to throw me out of the car. He says he knew I had a lively mind so he is trying to get rid of me. I keep eluding him. He is driving while he is trying to get me out."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3514", 
            "content": "(08/08/99)[\"Cleaning up.\"] I am outdoors at a university like setting. A man points out a device that landed on the lawn. I go with him to examine it out of curiosity. He wonders how it landed and I point out the small handkerchief sized parachute. I wonder how it got up there in the first place. I then see a bar with railings with string or something that had snapped at each rail indicating it was tied to some other device and rocketed up then broke free and landed. Dwight comes over and saws the bar in half. I am shocked and tell him how stupid to do that. It wasn't ours to mess with. He is frustrated and upset with himself and surely doesn't like me saying what he already knows. I call him stupid again. The man tells me I shouldn't say that. Now I am frustrated and upset with myself because I know it is wrong to do and doesn't help anything besides. Dwight walks away. I go into a Home Economics class. There dirty dishes piled in one of the three sinks lining the two walls. I feel helpful and decide I will wash them for however left them to soak. Now another woman is helping and I put the glasses and some bowls in her sink to wash. I wash the utensils. It feels good to be cleaning up for someone else."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3515", 
            "content": "(08/12/99)[\"Sweet loving man.\"] I am in bed in some bedroom. It is partially dark. The door opens and a naked good looking man, tall and well built, comes in and gets in bed with me. We begin to make love. It is exquisite. I feel every move and respond with intense sexual excitement as well as a feeling of love. It is mutual. Then the door opens and people walk in. I feel embarrassed and he moves to another bed and I sit in the bed, very frustrated and also concerned about who these people are. Then he is lying in my bed again, only he is pretending to have died. Suddenly, the people are sucked out of the room and across the hall where a hole opens up in the wall and they disappear in there. They must have been aliens. Now that they are gone, I lie on top of him and we begin to make love again. I feel his penis penetrate and I gasp in joy at the intense pleasure. We make love passionately."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3516", 
            "content": "(08/13/99)[\"I kill Howard.\"] I am in a room, nearly empty. Charla and I are packing to leave. On the floor are many magazine pictures cut out and each one laid out beside each other over most of the floor. I ask her to help me pack them. I show her how to do it so things are organized. I put the similar animal ones together. I show her three elephant pictures and put them together in a pile. As we are doing this, an odd looking spirit or ghost rushes in through the curtains. It comes at me. It has a round head like a balloon under a sheet. It is attacking so I defend myself, by trying to strangle it. It becomes Howard. I must kill it. I persist strangling it until he is dead."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3517", 
            "content": "(08/13/99)[\"Howard wants to own real estate with me.\"] I am sleeping sitting up on a couch. I am exhausted. Charla is up and wants me to get up. I can't seem to wake up. Howard sneaks in through the window. I am annoyed but too tired to do anything about it. Finally I get up. Howard says there is this great deal on buying a house. He thinks we could pool our money and buy it together. I glare and him and say \"WE?\" in a cold tone. He flushes bright red. I repeat the question. He gets the point and walks out reluctantly, angry and still red."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3518", 
            "content": "(08/16/99)[\"Flying in my truck because it would be fun.\"] I am working on a project. I am looking at the printed pages of the galley sheets of a book I am writing. I realize I need to ask some more questions of the newspaper office. I walk outside. I get into my green pickup truck and am driving down a city street. I look up in the sky and see an airplane and think it would be fun to fly in my truck. As I think it, I will it to fly. We go up above the buildings and fly across town. I am grinning in the pleasure of having that power and in actually flying. I choose not to fly too high up, in case something goes wrong. It's a bumpy landing. I gather up my papers and get out. I go into the newspaper office. No one is there. I walk toward the inner offices. A line of people come out, from their coffee break. One sees me and goes straight to the files to get my project. I say, no, this time I have a question I need to ask Ted, the owner. I look at the galley sheet and I can't remember the question. I apologize to the man and try to remember the question. Then I ask how much it will cost to print it. The man says this is a newspaper office. We only print the newspaper. I look up and see that \"my dad\" is here also. He has an artificial eye, a large blue one which he nearly takes out, yet he also sees me with it. He is very plump and short. At first, I think I see his chest hairs exposed with a tattoo. But I realize it is his arm. Now I leave to return to the truck. I wonder if \"Dad\" will be there so we can ride back together. He is. A young boy from the newspaper office is there visiting with a young boy accompanying me. He doesn't want to leave his friend. I say firmly, James, it's OK. I'll be back soon, probably many times. James feels OK then and leaves. A young boy is in my wheelchair and my \"dad\" is at the drivers wheel. I ask how will I get into the van. The boy then realizes he has to give me my wheelchair back and \"dad\" has to back up the van so I can get in the side door. \"Dad\" moves the van and I see a small toddler like Amelia out of the truck and playing near the wheel. It was a lucky escape she wasn't run over."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3519", 
            "content": "(08/16/99)[\"Dancing with a man.\"] I am in some public place, inside. Maybe a cafe. A nice man (like Gaston) and I are talking. Then he gently puts his arm around me and we begin to walk in a dance like step. It is going well, except somehow we clumsily bump our legs together on one of the steps. We do it each time. It almost throws us off balance but we still manage to dance, even though it isn't all fun, with a bit of tension around the ungainly step. It does feel nice to be close to a man. He gently kisses my cheek."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3520", 
            "content": "(08/20/99)[\"Ellie is a bad girl.\"] A man is driving a bus. He and I are the official chaperones for a group of teens. He has been driving many hours and I decide I want to drive, to help him out. So during a break, I get in the driver's side, which happens to be on the right side, like in England. Ellie decides she is going to drive and she sits very close to my on my left. It interferes with my driving and I try pushing her away from me. She clings on. I get annoyed. I keep shoving. Finally, I force her into the back of the bus. Now I drive. Later, I stop the bus so people can get out and take a break. I then see that Ellie has taken my photos outside and have tossed them into the air and they lay along side the road. I am furious and run out there to pick them up. The nice man comes over and picks up a black and white photo of me and another girl as children. He says nice picture. You're a good photographer. I had hoped he'd come by and see some pictures of me as a child and notice how cute I was. But he thought I had taken the photo. I am frustrated. I thank him for the complement and don't straighten him out. Now I am really angry at Ellie and I get on the bus and physically drag her out to force her to help pick up the mess. She just stands there. I grab her by the hair and pull her up to standing and I say to her that she has created a situation where people don't like her, for good reason. If she doesn't change she will spend her life being hated by these people and abandoned by them. I say to her she will have to work hard. She will have to clean up her mess and behave very well for a while before she has earned their respect and friendship. She doesn't seem interested. I grab the rest of the photos and get in the bus. Now, I am watching the scene as if from a high helicopter. I look down at the ground and see the people walking around. I see \"me\" and the man trying to get away alone together. We run toward a snow field. I don't want to get cold and wet, but I want to be alone with him. Later, I see \"me\" in the bathroom cooking hamburgers and hot-dogs on an open fire. Ellie comes in and drags me out. Josh comes by and is shocked and upset that the two chaperones are off trying to romantically get it on rather than be responsible chaperones for the teens. We might lose our jobs."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3521", 
            "content": "(08/20/99)[\"Walking on air.\"] I am outside a building with cement patios and stairs. Someone tries a new gadget, sort of a pogo stick that glides on air. They fall over immediately, because when they stepped they did it too fast and it flew the gadget right out from under them. I knew what they did wrong and got on the gadget to show them how to do it right. I take slow tiny steps and the gadget is very sensitive and I nearly lose it several times. Then I get the hang of it and am walking on air. I go up and down the stairs, which is dangerous and difficult. I manage it. A tall muscular man picks me up. He is my boyfriend and likes to walk around holding me on his hip as he goes around. It keeps us close and cuddly. I enjoy it too. He walks up the steps with me on his hip. We laugh and talk. He is very strong and relaxed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3522", 
            "content": "(08/21/99)[\"Angry at Howard in a new house.\"] I am in a small two bedroom house. I am aware that Howard still lives with me and I wonder where's he been sleeping all this time. I guess he stays in what used to be Charla's bedroom. I remember it has been years since we've had sex. I am not interested in having sex with him. Now there is a 7 or 8 year old boy, and Charla at that age. We walk outside. The boy must be Howard's son. I am getting into a car and I see Charla fall over backwards, hitting her head badly. Howard is standing there right by her and hardly notices, much less doing anything that could help her. I am furious at him. I get out of the car and pick Charla up, soothing her. I examine the head wound and worry she might get a concussion. Now I sit in the backseat with the two children on my lap. We are talking, pleasantly. We drive to a house we are looking at to possibly move into. We have a real estate agent, a man, who is showing us what's in our price range which is roomy and spacious. We walk in and indeed there are lots of rooms, three stories, and the rooms are large. But the paint is peeling, the colors faded and ugly. The house is old and dilapidated. I realize I'd walked up several flights of stairs. I think maybe that will be too tiring to do all the time if I lived here. There would be lots of work to do. Then I think, why am I moving in with Howard? I don't want to."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3523", 
            "content": "(08/23/99)[\"Lost my dreams.\"] I have my briefcase. I am walking hurriedly down a hall to get to a classroom on time. I walk in and see that all the chairs in the back, by the door are full. I am disappointed. That's where I feel more comfortable sitting. Jerome is sitting in the back row. I decide to deal with what is and go to the front of the classroom to deposit my project. I am carrying a skull in my hand. I lay it on the long table at the front. I then go back to the seats and ask if the empty chair on the aisle is taken. A man says yes. A boy had been sitting there. So I put my briefcase on the third chair in and ask the man to watch it while I do an errand. He says fine. I walk down the hall and when I return I see the briefcase is gone. I ask people where it is and no one knows. I am very upset. My purse with my money and credit cards where there, but much worse, my notebook with my dreams written in it was there. I start crying. I walk out of the classroom to find the office where the lost and found is. I can't find it either. I am very upset and frustrated. It would be terrible to lose my dreams. Jerome watches."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3524", 
            "content": "(08/24/99)[\"Other woman's man.\"] A brown skinned man is in a bed. I am sleeping with him, but it is not sexual. His wife brings his baby into the bed for him to hold. I feel strange and guilty for being there. I stay, and play with the cute baby boy. The man has cute dimples in his face."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3525", 
            "content": "(08/24/99)[\"Buying real estate on the bad side.\"] I walk down 40th street, on my block. I see Lucy who has bought lots of property on this side of the block, which is the bad or lower priced part of the neighborhood. The places she bought are run down and dilapidated. I realize it is a good business move. I say to Lucy, Maybe I should buy some too. She agrees."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3526", 
            "content": "(08/25/99)[\"Lucy's boys.\"] Lucy has two boys, one a year old baby. One about 3 years old. I am lying in bed. I reassure the baby boy that I did not make \"boom boom\" with him. This meant that I did not sexually abuse him. He grins at me, very happy to have that confirmed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3527", 
            "content": "(08/26/99)[\"Reading my class notes, not quite prepared.\"] I am in a journalism class, hurriedly looking through my notes for the kinds of examples my teacher is calling for. As students are reading their notes to the class, I hurriedly try to find some I made. I feel unprepared. The teacher is seated in a student desk just in front of me. He says sarcastically, Guess you're trying to write some on the spot. I say defensively no, just circling some examples. I go to the front of the class and pick up the microphone off its odd round stainless steel holder. It is heavy metal. A woman student says no, leave it in the stand. I say then can people hear me? I then notice how loud my voice is and say I guess t works. She gets up and sings a song with the mike to test it. I wait for her to finish the entire song. Now I start reading snippets of my notes. The teacher wants personal remarks about the facts we were getting about a story. So I read a few phrases I wrote about a story the teacher used as an example about a person with a disability and how the problem is people getting all weirded out about their disability. I comment it is hard to counsel disabled people who are treated that way. Then I say next is some doodled pictures of dishes, like they are stacked up to be washed. Stainless steel mixing bowls and colored plastic small bowls. I say I don't know why I doodled dishes, but sometimes when I am thinking, I doodle. Then a remark about my father and I doing some activity. A few notes on Mirabelle and working with clients. She has some names and phone numbers for me. The teacher is impressed as I go along. I had lots, even though I wasn't prepared and my stuff is a bit poetic and interesting, not like the shallow stuff the younger students are doing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3528", 
            "content": "(08/26/99)[\"Cheating with Bill Clinton.\"] I am in a room with Bill Clinton. We are having an affair. I am telling him that he is cheating on his wife. He counters with and you?? I say. I'm not cheating. I am not married and if I didn't have the affair with him, he'd simply go get another woman. I am not breaking up their marriage. I'm not interested in having more of a relationship with him. I call my veterinarian for more pills for the cats. I then decide Bill could be helped with these pills. I am trying to get more for him. Then we get in a convertible, red car to drive somewhere. He is driving. I say quick, get in that middle lane. It's a freeway and we are on an entrance ramp. He makes the car leap over one lane to get there. I realize we left so quickly I forgot to pack. I left behind my pills and Bill's pills. Now we are out of the car, in a public parking garage, and walking down many steps. I suddenly realize we are going out together in public and this will cause a media frenzy. I stop and say Wait. Are you sure we should do this? He smiles and continues forward. I stop and watch. A very tall security person comes to Bill. Bill looks very short compared to him. Abnormally short. He is being escorted away, maybe even arrested. I turn and quickly go back the way we came. The police and the media are in hot pursuit. I am going against the walking traffic. I bump into people. I get to a cafe and sit. The waitress is very upset because she doesn't make much money. I offer to let them move to my town and live with me for awhile until they get a new job and get financially more secure. They hesitate and think about it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3529", 
            "content": "(08/30/99)[\"Taunting the dangerous man kills me.\"] A man has two bat like sticks, one in each hand. He is approaching me menacingly. I am backing up and when I get angry at him for coming at me I lash out and strike at the sticks. I knock one out of his hand. This makes him furious with me. He strikes back at me very hand. I know that every time I defend myself from him it makes his attacks worse, but I just can't help it. I feel cornered, trapped and angry. Finally, I strike at him again and he is murderously livid. He pulls a gun and kills me. It was inevitable. Something about protecting my mother."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3530", 
            "content": "(08/31/99)[\"Sweet connection.\"] Gaston and I are cuddling. I find it sweet and pleasurable. We enjoy each other's company and don't want to let go of each other. It will become sexual and very pleasurable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3531", 
            "content": "(08/31/99)[\"Unfinished writings.\"] I am going to write a play or screenplay. I want to do this. It will be fun. It is good to be back into writing again. I then see another script I had started. A movie script. I leaf through the pages, realizing it is good and needs to be finished, but the one I'm starting wants to be done now. I see yet another notebook with another unfinished script. I have lots to do and finally some energy and enthusiasm to do it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3532", 
            "content": "(09/01/99)[\"Escaping disguised as the enemy.\"] Charla and I and some friends are attempting to escape from the enemy. We get out of the building and sneak around the landscape. We are near an ocean. We see some of the enemy in their black wet suits with yellow balloon like helmets that also cover their faces. I am standing next to the barracks of the enemy. One of them is sleeping in his room. Somehow he comes out and decides to help us escape. He gets us the same black wet suits and yellow helmets. We put them on and walk right through the outside compound of enemy. We walk into the ocean and dive, I hang onto Charla's rope and I am hanging on to the enemies rope as he guides us through the completely dark black waters. We are avoiding the underhulls of huge ships and trying to stay in the right direction. I feel lost and scared. We must rely on the enemy's help. He does right by us and we end up on another shore. Now we are housed in a large room. Each group has a tiny area. We are like refugees. Next to our area is a man. I think we are attracted to each other but I can't tell for sure. We avoid eye contact and act cool around each other, but we are very aware of where the other one is. I decide to go to the \"underground\" store. I sneak around the streets back toward the water. I find the cardboard cutout of a soldier. That is the sign. I ask for some colors. I meant colored yarn I can make things with. I get one skein. Return to the barracks. Bonnie comes in with a container of food. She offers me one of the green beans. I ask if it is snap peas. I take one of the green beans, although they are old and a bit moldy. We don't have much food and that is a generous offer of Bonnie's. I have a container of food also and show her. Some white stuff, maybe potatoes and some Chinese concoction. Now I return to our small area, next to the man. I ignore him pointedly. I decide to be daring and hang up a key of mine on a hook up on the ceiling. Then a pretty and slightly sexy nighty, then another piece of clothing to cover it up. People are watching and thinking how brave of me to put my belongings out there where people can steal them. They then also start to do that too. Then the man comes over and grabs me. We play wrestle, both pretending to be angry at each other, but it is just an excuse to be touching."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3533", 
            "content": "(09/02/99)[\"Happily rejecting arrogance.\"] A good looking man is sort of a gym teacher at a school. A woman counselor writes up her critique of the different faculty members. She is positive in her judgments of all of them, except him. She sees him as arrogant and self-centered. I am a pretty woman faculty member who sees those faults and smiles. She is in a shower, trying to shampoo and he is naked, trying to tease her as he is in the shower also. She just smiles and ignores his antics. He would like to be sexual with her. His penis playfully touches her and she continues to ignore him. He's an OK guy but she knows he's only playing and she doesn't intend to have a relationship with him. It is all pleasant and not rejecting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3534", 
            "content": "(09/03/99)[\"Protecting the babies and Howard.\"] Howard is in the bathtub with 2 newborn babies. I don't like the way he's taking care of them. He lets them slip off him under the water. Howard leaves and I get in the tub, naked. Arthur, Ellie's friend) is in the tub, relaxing. He watches me as I hold the babies on my big belly. I arch my back, making my belly look bigger to keep them above water. They sleep through it all. Arthur is mildly excited about my bare breasts. I am mildly embarrassed about my fat belly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3535", 
            "content": "(09/03/99)[\"Selfish woman dies, Judge Judy watches.\"] A boy is standing looking at a pretty blonde woman seated in front of him. Above them both is a TV ghost image of Judge Judy watching the scene. The boy is asking for some liquid the woman has in a bottle for his mother. She needs it. The blonde woman is dramatically measuring some out for her into a smaller bottle. Then the woman suddenly starts gasping for air. He then sits still waiting, then she clutches her heart and has a spasm leaping out of her chair and disappearing dramatically behind the chair."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3536", 
            "content": "(09/04/99)[\"Hospital rooms and irregular fast heart beat.\"] I am walking through a series of Hospital rooms. Each room has a bed and a patient and a front door to the right. I am using connecting doors the medical personnel use. I feel strange using this door and am relieved I am carrying a stethoscope so I wouldn't get caught. I see a front door opened in a room with no patient. I run through to the hall. Now, a fire alarm goes off, loud and insistent. I am running. I feel out of breath and the beginnings of my irregular heart beat begins. But I have to keep running. My heart is beating very fast. Now the building is like a dorm. I rush out the building and see remodeling like its been bombed out. I notice the room numbers and realize I am several units/buildings away from my own dorm room. I keep running."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3537", 
            "content": "(09/04/99)[\"Supervising counselors should have more experience.\"] I am at some workshops for counselors. I am listening. After it is finished, a woman comes over to me with a piece of paper with her suggestions on it. I read it. Next time, she would like to see some information on having supervisors have more experience than the ones they supervise. Then she has other things. I comment that this wasn't the topic area we were doing. She's more into how to improve teaching counselors and the workshop was on better counseling. The last line was a series of colors mostly mauve and purple except one aqua blue."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3538", 
            "content": "(09/04/99)[\"Inaccessibility not an issue when not needed.\"] I am at a workshop Lucy is putting on. She tells the audience to all join her in some small square at the top of the raised seats in the auditorium. Everyone goes up there. It is very crowded. I stay below at an aisle landing and watch. I tell some woman in a wheelchair, like Arvonne, this is terrible to have this inaccessible experience when it is presented by people with disabilities. As I sit there and watch, I realize that if I really wanted to, I could get there and join them if I wanted to. I realize I just don't want to and I let go of my complaints. I tell Lucy she did a good job on the workshop."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3539", 
            "content": "(09/06/99)[\"Raging bull after me.\"] I am standing in front of a stonewall. On the other side, I see a raging bull ready to charge at me. I don't know what to do. I can't out run him. I don't know if he will smash through the wall or leap over it. I decide to crouch up to the wall, hoping he leaps over. If he doesn't I will be dead. He is a huge bull with long horns. He does leap over and I scramble over the wall to the side he was on. He turns to come for me, again. I climb up a pole which is holding up the barn roof. He is leaping up at me, trying to get me. I am hanging on for dear life. He almost reaches me. I crawl up on the roof and lie there as he batters at the pole. I slide backwards toward the middle pole seeing he is about to destroy the first one and I and the roof will fall. As he breaks it, I keep moving back. I then am watching the scene. I see a woman and 2 kids climb up some stone steps at the other end of the barn. There is a way off the roof. Now I am climbing down the steps."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3540", 
            "content": "(09/07/99)[\"Wheelchair racing.\"] I am watching wheelchair racers on some odd bumpy curvy uphill, down hill race course, which isn't a round track but some sort of street area. They seem tiny and fast. One of them is a paraplegic man. He is very good. Now he rests and my job is to help him. Giving massages and so on. I am doing that. Then another man comes by, someone I know in the dream, and we kiss. This makes the paraplegic man jealous, as he is attracted to me. Then I decide to be a wheelchair racer as well, although I am able bodied. We are racing. He is very fast and far ahead of me. I work very hard and manage to pass some other racers. On big man glares at me. I try to catch up with my man. I manage to finish 3rd which is still very good for my first try. I shout in victory and cry in defeat alternating. The man and I hug in jubilation."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3541", 
            "content": "(09/11/99)[\"As she died, he wouldn't touch her.\"] A man, like Jackie Gleason, is married to a woman. She died, and there is a sense of secret about it. I and my three sisters try to find out the secret. Finally, we figure it out. He was with her at the moment of death and he stood there and would not even touch her, much less hug her or be with her as she died. We are shocked and disgusted."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3542", 
            "content": "(09/11/99)[\"I am the alien.\"] My three sisters and I are watching it snow. We are standing by a road. Suddenly, a gas trailer truck comes quickly down the road and can't slow down enough for the T-intersection. It crashes into the embankment. It keeps going fast, like it is afraid and running away from something. I look down the road it came from and realize that the aliens are coming. We run, following the gas truck. Now I realize the aliens take over bodies and I don't know which person may already be an alien. I am seated now at a table in a restaurant, and a man is seated with us. I look at him suspiciously. He is looking at me suspiciously and I suddenly realize I am the alien. He recognizes that and grabs me. He saws off my head and puts my head back on and I am reclaimed. I half sit up on the floor, dazed by the ordeal of the surgery."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3543", 
            "content": "(09/12/99)[\"Weird bathroom again.\"] I am on some kind of journey. I need to pee badly. I walk down a hill, following some man, possibly black. I step down onto a cement platform covered thigh deep in snow. I pass a toilet, white with black toilet seat, hanging on a chain. I decide I'll keep looking. I am in snow up to my thighs. I wade through. Now the snow is merely a skiff on the ground. The toilet is a rectangle metal grid with a slot in the center on the cement platform. I stand over the slot, commenting I shall try and pee standing up. A rush of urine comes out and for the most part is going into the slot. But toward the end, it starts to dribble down my leg. I shift position, trying to not get it on me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3544", 
            "content": "(09/12/99)[\"Howard has a girlfriend.\"] Howard and I are in a park. He still wants us to get together again. I don't want to. I am packing my things in a back pack. Some of Dovre's things go in there too. She left them behind. Then his \"mother\" starts talking about a girlfriend he might go see. I feel a little jealous. I know she doesn't want us to get together. She doesn't like me. Conflicting feelings. I don't want him but I don't want someone else to have him. Then he tells me someone has parked in the Deputy Provost's spot. He wants me to report it. I walk toward the building to do so. Then a man comes toward me. I suspect it is the one who illegally parked and I turn and walk across the field. He follows. I then see an old fashioned black telephone on the grass. It is near where the bad man is. I bravely, but with fear, walk up to the phone to report him and then walk away hoping he doesn't hurt me. He looks at me menacingly but doesn't come after me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3545", 
            "content": "(09/12/99)[\"Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.\"] I am in a house. I suddenly notice that the sky is black as if it were night, but it is still daylight. I am concerned. What is happening? I look out the window to get a better view. Now I see black snow like things falling down from the sky. I wonder if they are ashes from a fire, or toxic poisonous stuff. I go into another room and am organizing things. I see index cards I can use to write notes on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3546", 
            "content": "(09/14/99)[\"Camping and relationships.\"] I am in a car. I am in the front seat, and a woman is in the back. I think it is a station wagon. I look at her and an sexually excited. We are going to have a relationship. She is fixing herself up and fixing the upholstery of the car seat. I am lying down and I feel an orgasm. I press my legs together to encourage it, hoping she won't see or hear. She doesn't notice. Then three men appear at the window. One is my boyfriend, the other two are his friends. He is upset and jealous. He gets in the seat with me and our faces are very close. I kiss him on the cheek, and say, we have to talk. He knows that means its over for him. He sadly gets out of the car. The two friends are disgusted with me, for choosing the woman. They leave. Then I look in the back seat. She is lying down trying to look inviting. Charla comes to the window and wants to come in. I open the door for her. The woman is upset and doesn't want her in the car because she will mess up the lovely back seat she had fixed up. I am angry at her and say to her to shut up! I tell Charla to wait for me outside. I then tell the woman it is not OK to reject Charla. I tell her I don't like her hair do and I don't like the way she fixed up the back seat. I see wrinkled bunched up grey upholstery. She is sad and disappointed and gets out of the car. I feel relieved and free now. I put on lipstick. It is shiny and glossy. I notice my lips are thinned out from age, but I put the lipstick on more thickly to make my lips look more full. I enjoy this process. Now I drive the car a few feet away from the tent the woman and I were going to share and stop at the tent Charla and I will share. A man (Wilbur) is all bound up in a sleeping bag near the tent. I carefully backup so that I don't hurt him. I get out and look around for a place to safely store my wallet and car key. I find a messy used skillet from breakfast and put them with it. I put it in an end table and change my mind and put it in a mattress that has a zippered cover. I know they are obvious places a thief would look, but I decide it will be safe."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3547", 
            "content": "(09/15/99)[\"Momma is a man.\"] I am in a long hall in a building and I see a woman in an old fashioned black dress crawl in the window. I recognize her as my long lost mother. She had given me up at birth. I approach her, very happy to have her back. We are on a journey. Walking down hall after hall. We are looking for a restaurant. It seems that my \"mother\" is actually a man who loves me and he wishes to declare himself. In an appropriate place. We climb laboriously up ladders and get to a top floor to find out the restaurant is closed. I am upset and afraid of going back down. The man \"mother\" assists me down by a platform like elevator. We go quickly. Then we walk down more halls and find a woman in a shop. We ask her where another restaurant is because the one named \"Legacy\" was closed. She points down the street and says it is called \"Treasure.\" We go outside and are not walking on the side of an Interstate freeway. Cars are coming at us and we move to get a safer path. We are approaching a bridge that crosses the California border."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3548", 
            "content": "(09/16/99)[\"Helping the drunk man.\"] I am a waitress at a bar and cafe. My boss is grumpy and demanding. I go up to the first customer's table and he proceeds to complain angrily that I am doing everything wrong. I maintain my pleasant attitude, listen to him and then ask what he would like to order. I go to the next one and so on. Meanwhile a good looking man, sort of like Raoul, comes in. He works there too as a waiter. He is drunk. The boss threatens to fire him. He is angry. The waiter goes upstairs to the loft to take a break. I go up there also. He is very drunk. He is attracted to me and I feel great empathy and attraction for him. He goes downstairs and is unable to function. I take him aside to a couch and sit him down. I curl up around him and he finally relaxes enough to sleep. His male friends watch approvingly. The boss is still angry but doesn't interfere. Finally he sleeps. I feel content and happy to be helping him. Then I finally fall asleep. He awakes more refreshed and sober and curls up around me, loving me gently. Somehow we are going to survive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3549", 
            "content": "(09/19/99)[\"Weird eyes in trouble.\"] I am in a room. It is dark. Ellie comes in and I want her to replace the two broken or burnt out light bulbs. Then she brings a bucket full of water for my tired achy feet. I notice that the water in the bucket recedes and returns, like a tide. Not only that, but the floor of the room is a foot under water and that water recedes and returns as well. I am concerned this will cause damage from the water. Ellie isn't too concerned."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3550", 
            "content": "(09/19/99)[\"Counseling the man.\"] I am counseling a woman who is very unhappy. Her husband is distant and uncaring. She has a miserable life, emotionally, although he's a good provider. I listen to her and then decide to talk with the husband. I go outside to the garden he is working in. I say to him very forthrightly I want 10 minutes of your time to talk about your relationship. I resolve to time myself carefully and be done in nine minutes. I just flat out lay it out for him, figuring he won't take the time to listen and think things through. I say you made her chose between the two things she loves the most. You and Germany. You said if she was to be with him she had to move to his farm and never return to Germany. She did that. And now you remain distant and isolated in your garden. She is very unhappy, but she does as you command. She will die soon at an early age if you continue to deny her emotional connection and autonomy. It will be your fault. He is startled at what I said to him. I look at my watch and see it has been eight minutes. I stop abruptly and say Thanks for your time. Goodbye. I walk out to the car and drive away, but I sense I have made a difference and have somehow cut through his stubborn denial. There is hope for her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3551", 
            "content": "(09/21/99)[\"Magnetic building.\"] I am in an old house. My mother and my father are around, other relatives and Aunt Marianne. I see on the floor small cute miniatures lined up. They nearly cover all the floor space. I start picking some up to get them out of harm's way since the relatives keep walking in and out of the house. I go to the door and look out across the deep canyon to the huge mansion across the way. I watch as a huge platform part of the roof opens up and the house turns like on a turntable. I am amazed. Aunt Marianne is behind me also watching. Then I feel a magnetic force pulling at my body. I struggle to remain where I am, but it increases in strength until I and then Marianne are pulled right off our porch and fly across the canyon and are deposited in the top floor of this mansion. Some clerk type person, very bored is there. I ask them where are we. He doesn't respond but pushes a lever and a door opens and we are propelled inside a tiny room like an elevator. Lovely wood paneling and floor. The elevator room moves down and opens. We walk out."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3552", 
            "content": "(09/21/99)[\"Sebastian dies.\"] I am in some large motel room lying on a couch. I am grieving deeply because Nate has died. A woman stands nearby to help me if I need it. I gaze around the room and wonder why I have paid for such a large room, since I simply use the couch. I then remember all accessible rooms are the large ones. Too bad. A waste of money and space. I realize I shall have to deal with Sebastian's wife and feel embarrassed or guilty. An unpleasant but inevitable duty. She will be upset I had an affair with Sebastian. I continue feeling overwhelmed with grief."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3553", 
            "content": "(09/22/99)[\"Anger and sex.\"] I am angry at some man. We are talking in an adversarial way. Then it shifts and we are kissing. We are embracing and bumping up against walls, flimsy plywood like walls. A part of me hopes we aren't being so noisy that we wake the kids in the next room, but the desire is intense and we make wild passionate love. I am all over him, moving toward that climax. It feels great. Then I have orgasm. His hair is soft. I feel good about him and loved the sex."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3554", 
            "content": "(09/22/99)[\"Arrogant man.\"] I am in a house and getting ready to go on a trip. I am exhausted. I can't seem to see clearly. Things look dark and foggy. I step outside and wonder why it is so dark. Maybe I shouldn't go. I go back in. I decide it is important to go, so I pack and get on an airplane. I am at a window seat and the man on my right is talking with the man across the aisle. The remark on how ugly I look. I comment that I heard that. I call him an arrogant man. My feelings are hurt, but I am managing not to get too involved in bad feelings back at him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3555", 
            "content": "(09/25/99)[\"Not doing it by the book.\"] Two men and I are in an empty room. One man is proposing to me. He hands me a booklet I am supposed to take and fill out properly to answer him. It's like a tax return booklet. I think this is ridiculous because I already know my answer which is no. What a waste of my time. I decide to just answer him directly and now to avoid wasting time and emotions. I say to him. I don't want to marry you. He is very upset with me for not taking the time and doing it right. The other man is watching and is empathetic for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3556", 
            "content": "(09/26/99)[\"Practicing the blues harp.\"] I am organizing things at a desk. I look in a drawer for my blues harp. I want to learn how to play it. I find many new black plastic ones that are real cheap. I pull them out. I am apparently redoing a list on a typewriter. I then find my old metal harp, without its cover, all banged up. But the sound is still good. I decide to practice on that one. I feel overwhelmed by the amount of things I would have to learn to be good at this. Mouth position, hand position and how to breath, but decide not to worry about it and just play it. I am walking now outdoors and I am a beautiful teenage girl. I am wearing a very sophisticated tailored navy blue suit, with white trim and look very good and professional. I sit down on a bench and play the harp, improving as I play. My eyes are closed as I concentrate on the music which keeps getting better. A crowd gathers around me of appreciative people, many young men, who are attracted to me. I suddenly open my eyes and am startled to find this crowd. I walk away looking for wilderness where nobody is to be able to play uninterrupted. I find a tree in the woods and sit there playing beautiful blues harp music. Later I go home. I am looking forward to telling my \"father\" a sort of Clint Eastwood kind of guy, being home and telling him all about my day. A young man named Perry from school is very attracted to me but I don't seem to notice him or anyone for that matter. I begin to tell my \"father\" about the day but he interrupts looking at the dining table. I hurriedly go there with a sponge to clean up any mess that might annoy him. He comes over and I try to continue telling him my day. He points to this spot or that and soon the whole energy is finding spots of dried food on the table and scrubbing at them to wash them off. I am frustrated. I wipe off spilled sugar onto the floor. Now I the dreamer is looking at the young teen girl as her father might see her. Her prim and sophisticated suit is unbuttoned at the top and the bra is revealed. She looks sexy. This upsets the father. Then the phone rings and a woman, sort of a housekeeper, answers and calls the girl to the phone. \"Its for you.\" She says. The girl is very surprised. No one calls her. It is Perry on the phone to ask her out for a date. The father is upset and concerned about his daughters growing up into a woman. After the call, the housekeeper (now me) watches as the two try to continue their conversation. The father looks over to me with a questioning look and I shake my head no. He has said or done the wrong thing. Then I say to him, here I'll talk with her and you watch. Now the teen girl is a TV set on the table. I look at it and as she speaks, I listen sympathetically, sometimes paraphrasing her feelings. Especially in the places where the father would lose it and lecture or be negative. He is starting to catch on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3557", 
            "content": "(09/27/99)[\"Improv party at the school.\"] I am a new teacher at a school and am shown to my office. I look around and see some things left by the previous teacher. I am organizing my material. I am trying to grind up some small rocks in a small square container. It won't grind them. I repeatedly take them out, look at them, and then try again. Finally I understand that the battery is dead. I decide to go to the school supply office. It is right next door, conveniently. I go in there. The two secretaries are busy. It is a regular admissions office, but there are gift like items for sale. Red glass vases, filmy scarves, hair things, and Christmas decorations. I am waiting and looking around. Sarafina comes over and I hand her my pile of things, requesting a return of some films, a new battery and a few other things I came for. Some other teachers come in and now its a party. Entertainment and jokes as I watch the room fill up all around me. A woman is doing her skit and I decide to join in the fun. I sit on the secretary (Sarafina's) chair and I touch her desk, from behind the counter. Everyone is shocked and the woman is very upset with me. I say opps. I made a mistake. Sarafina will be furious. Then I see a silly act at the door. William Shatner and someone else is outside the door and a tiny baby elephant is placed on the open transom. The door opens and I see William and the woman piled one on top of the other and they look up and see the baby elephant step down on William's back. They made silly faces as they all crunch down flat on the ground and roll into the room. I am in the corner by the door on the floor watching and I get all mixed up with them. William and the woman get up and walk away and the baby elephant rolls off me and I get up. It was very funny. Now the party is raucous and out of control. I leave and go back to my office, everyone is mad at me and as I open the office door I see they are in my room. I feel invaded and upset because they don't like me. The snotty woman is there who is mad at me. I tiredly explain to her that what I did helped them. The party had been boring. Not because it wasn't good, I hasten to reassure her, but because it had been done many times. It wasn't new. I improv'd and the energy opened up and now everyone had more fun. They started realizing I was right. Now they are beginning to like me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3558", 
            "content": "(09/28/99)[\"Three eyed mexican.\"] I am in a room, gathering up pictures of Hector and the other Mexican students from when they were here years ago. They are returning and I want to give them these pictures of old times. I look up and see Hector on a couch. He is happy to see me. And I him. We hug. It is OK but slightly uncomfortable and distant. I look over at several others and give them pictures as well. One of them has wire rimmed glasses, for his three eyes. It looks very strange."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3559", 
            "content": "(10/01/99)[\"Strange charming man.\"] I am watching two black men in bed together. One is Bill Cosby. The other man is some charming man that is friendly. In his exuberance of friendliness, he is kissing Bill Cosby on his lips and cheek as he excitedly is talking about some interesting subject. Bill slowly becomes uncomfortable with this intimacy which seems more than just friendship. But he likes the man as a friend. Finally, Bill pulls away, uncertain of what is really happening. I feel uncomfortable about it too. It seems that the gestures are sexual in implications, beyond just friendship. Now Bill's wife is in another room. The charming man is with her and being effusively friendly with her as well, although they are not kissing. She is worried that this warmth may exceed friendly bounds and become an affair, which would be bad for her marriage. A white grandmother is also watching and she is starting to catch on that the wife and this charming man are having an affair. A top freezer compartment of a refrigerator is opened. Bill finds opened photo albums in there. He pulls them out to see the pictures that the charming man and the wife were looking at. A photo of the wife in her bridal gown. And other photos. He is also beginning to catch on that they had been looking at these photos together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3560", 
            "content": "(10/03/99)[\"Odd woman is hungry.\"] I live in a huge old country house with a gravel turn around driveway. I am tired. I suddenly remember that I hadn't locked the front door last night. I check. It is unlocked. I lock it. Commenting to a young Arvonne like woman who also lives in the house that I should be more careful. I am hungry and want to eat but lots of the dishes are dirty. Fry pans from cooking scrambled eggs and bacon and so on. I had been trying on clothes. Some summer dresses. A personal assistant like Sharon also lives in the house. I am a bit annoyed because there is work to do but they aren't too interested in helping me do it. So I walk toward the sink to wash dishes. As I pass near the door, I see a maroon station wagon drive into the driveway. A woman is in the car. Looks like she is turning around in our driveway. Then suddenly she walks into the house uninvited. I am surprised. She is chatting in a crazy way. She sees a bit of bacon stuck to a cloth on the counter and quickly grabs it as she is talking non stop and eats it. I realize she is homeless and hungry. I say oh well, why don't you stay for dinner. I have plates of pancakes, porkchops, and lots of other food on the table. She asks me who lives her. I point out the 2 women and say also my granddaughter, Charla. She sits and grabs up lots of food in a very hungry way and is scarfing the food down as she talks. Someone asks her how she's doing. She tells the story of owning a store and everything was fine until the male city council caught a fish and came home early and passed a law changing where the alley is, which wiped out her business. I say it will be dark soon. Shall we light candles or turn on the lights. Sharon says lets turn on the overhead lights. I say I was thinking of the light above the table, for pretty effect. Just then, a single line of maybe 30 or more girls about the age of 10 walk in and are filing around the edge of the room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3561", 
            "content": "(10/03/99)[\"Kitten must clean up the mess.\"] My \"sister\" and I live in a house beside a hill. Male workers are up on the top of the hill are moving dirt and some of it is rolling down the hill onto our property. One of the workers is supposed to come down and help clean up the mess. We wait, but he is taking too long. So my sister and I go up a rickety flight of stairs up the hill. She goes first and I follow. The second flight of stairs now becomes a thin narrow metal and that we cling to with fingers. It is scary and difficult. But we succeed. We go into the building they live and work from. We ask for Paolo. They say he is out and will return soon. They lead us to his room. I see his big comfortable double bed with colorful quilts on it. I lie down on the bed and look around to see what this man might be like. He has a TV that is sort of a journal he keeps. I look at it with interest, like of liking the man before I meet him. Then he comes in, a big comfortable man. He walks over to the bed and I look up. He has a translucent white mime mask on with odd big blue eyes. I find that interesting. Then my \"sister\" rushes for him and kisses him. I am angry at her because I am attracted to him, and she always gets things first. I stand up and walk over to the window and look out trying to ignore them kissing. He takes off his mask and tries to follow me. I see a small boy/kitten who throws a balled up piece of paper on the floor. Paolo reaches down to pick it up, to be kind and helpful. I stop him, saying no, the boy has to learn to do it himself. He made the mess. The boy, now a kitten refuses to pick up his mess. I pick him up in my hands and place him right next to the paper. He resists picking it up. Paolo really wants to help. He has a generous heart. I explain that that is really not helping. It teaches the boy bad habits. Then finally the boy/kitten picks up the paper and I praise him and let him go. Now Paolo is approaching me. He is attracted to me and wants to connect. But I decide I must run a race first. I put on sneakers and begin running the race. Paolo follows hoping to catch me. I am attracted to him, but I must run this race first. I run. And he follows."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3562", 
            "content": "(10/05/99)[\"Working the dream in the dream.\"] I am in a house at night. I am trying to turn off the lights in an alcove, so I can peek out the window and see what's going on out there. I'm on the second story. The light won't turn off and I don't want to be exposed when I peek out. I try to look anyway, but can't see much. I had had a dream and I am excited about it. I want to write it down. It's an important one that explains what I need to know. So I am reading a book with many short chapters. One is entitled \"Propositions.\" One is written by Rosie McDonnell. It's a sweet children's story of a dragon and a collie dog. I see pages of color illustration of the collie lost in the woods with his cute ears perked up listening for the dragon. It's a fairy tale dragon in the pictures. But now I'm in the story and I know the dragon is going to eat me. That's not such a pretty picture I feel fear. Now I am in my wheelchair going to a store. Anastasia is with me. I need to write the dream and I also need to read these articles in a newspaper put out by Julie Osborne about dreams. I fold the paper and find the pages with the articles but my eye is caught by cartoons. One is entitled, \"Two Old Queens.\" Two women in 19th century dress, young and pretty. I don't get the joke. I find the articles and excited, I begin to read, but interrupt myself to write my dream down. I struggle to dig out the dream book from a bag on the back of my wheelchair. Then Anastasia goes into the store and a biker parks next to me singing a sad tale of his wife Lisa leaving him. I listen as I write my dream down. And apologize to his little girl."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3563", 
            "content": "(10/07/99)[\"Saving the man with love.\"] Clark Gable is very good looking and very drunk. He is an unhappy man. I am a beautiful young woman seated at a table in the restaurant next to him. He has a male friend who helps him. We are watching some movie, maybe a WWII movie. Clark sees me and falls deeply in love. He stares at me continuously. I try to concentrate on the movie. I can feel his deep need and love. I am attracted to him as well, but I sit waiting. The other man comes over to my table and talks with me. He is watching our courtship intently. The black maid he is in love with comes in. She sits at our table. He is now intently watching her. Clark says something, a joke to attract my attention. I walk over to him and put my arms on his shoulders standing very close to him as we joke back and forth talking nothings while the body contact and wistfullness is acted out as we become physically closer and closer. Now the black maid rebuffs the friend. He is devastated. I tell Clark that his friend needs him. Clark is desperately trying to pull out of his drunken state and behave well. He can barely notice his friend's plight because of his own struggles and high concentration on his love for me. I am sympathetic to the man and to Clark."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3564", 
            "content": "(10/08/99)[\"Rejecting a friendly truth.\"] I am ill and lying on a couch with my wheelchair next to it. A good looking man comes in and sits in my wheelchair. I am attempting to straighten out some books and writing projects piled up on the couch all around me. He wants to help. He is attracted to me and living. I am annoyed with him for sitting in my wheelchair and for wanting to help. I can do this myself. Was my feelings. He smiles and patiently waits. That annoys me even more. I am abrupt and upset with him and also attracted and wanting some help. He will remain until I finally figure it out and let him in."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3565", 
            "content": "(10/09/99)[\"Helping Mirabelle.\"] Mirabelle gave me a big cardboard box of fruits. Blackberries, bananas, raspberries. Another box had several large zucchini squashes. I decide to make jams and jellies from the fruits. I am smashing the fruits into a pulp. The cardboard box is ripped and some of the juices are soaking out of the box. I manage to make three or four jars of jam. The last one is more of a jelly. (I am concerned that slightly muddy water got into the jelly. Now I need to add the paraffin on top and do the lids. Later, I am at a big farm, near a storage shed. The big house is back off in the distance. Mirabelle and Dwan are off doing errands and I am going through a cardboard box reading and organizing the paperwork in there for Mirabelle. I feel good about helping her out. But I am getting tired. I've been at it for several hours. I now have a handful of small stubs of receipts and am transferring the money spent amount to a yellow ledger sheet pad. It is confusing which one was for coffee and which ones for dinners and lunches. I try my best to record them accurately. Now I see Mirabelle, off in the distance returning home in their car. Dwan gets on a motorcycle which at first looked like a tractor and motors over to see how I'm doing. The motor is very noisy. I am so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open. I see Mirabelle at the house with a small child she brought home to take care of while its parent is busy. She does this a lot. Dwan and another child are with me. She is eyeing me like she is interested in my body, but I am aware it's just a habit with her. I hear really loud music coming from a radio off in the neighbors field. It is very annoying and I want them to turn it off. I pick up a wind bottle, empty, from the box and try to find a price on it to record. I can't see one at all. I ask Dwan to check it out as well. She can't find one either."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3566", 
            "content": "(10/10/99)[\"Marching as to war.\"] I am in a classroom of adults. We are studying a play. The young woman who wrote the play is across the room. She asks me if a character in her play is named similar to the title, which is \"And Sun Comes\" I think about it, wondering if there was a character named summer. But I decide it is a trick question and no characters were named after the title. Suddenly we must go to war. We file out of the classroom. A woman friend and I pack up a suitcase and then decide it is too much to carry and leave it, with the intent of picking it up later. We march down a road. After a long time, we stop. I wonder if we should return and get the suitcase before we get so far away we can't. We realize it is already too far. It would be ridiculous to return to the suitcase and then do the journey again. We march on. We come to a University. I steal a roll of toilet paper and put it in my backpack. We will have to survive on what we find. I hope no one catches us."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3567", 
            "content": "(10/10/99)[\"Odd quad.\"] I walk into a room where there are hundreds of knick knacks that used to be mine and the children's. I walk around the room looking closely at them. They are cute miniature toys and figurines. I see a pile of old black and white photos on a table and pick one up. It is a head and shoulders shot of both myself and Rochelle when we were younger, maybe in our 30's. As I look, the photo moves, my double chin flapping as I move and talk. I think to myself that I was much thinner then. There is distance between Rochelle and I. She is looking away from me so that we are both facing the same direction. I then sit down on a couch. A male quad wheels into the room. He comes over and parks on my right, at the end of the couch. We are introduced by a woman. He curves his very long arm out across the room and then back toward me to shake my hand. I am amazed at the long reach he has. I shake his hand but he doesn't remove it or stop shaking it. So We sit there holding hands in a shake hands position, rather raised in the air. We chat. The woman then helpfully leans forward, pushing our hands to gently break the clasp. I am relieved and we continue chatting. I need to go to the bathroom so I get up and walk down a hall. I ask one of my children if the room on the left is the bathroom. She says it is. I go in and try to secure the other door. It is ajar. I see through the crack and recognize a hall and many rooms off of it. I finally get the door to shut and sit on the toilet. I have a green colored BM. It is messy. I try to wipe clean, but it is sticky and I have trouble doing it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3568", 
            "content": "(10/10/99)[\"Asking for information about dreams from a well-known author of books about dreams.\"] I am in a hotel room. I had picked up some special odd looking pictures I wanted to make. I now look more closely at them and see that it is a rectangular picture frame with a needlepoint canvas stretched on it. A saying is already worked on the canvas in orange yarn. The frame and canvas is then enclosed in a mess like cloth. I decide I made a mistake. Maybe I'll take the mess off and rework my own picture of a dream on this canvas. But the saying is in the way. I would have to undo her work (the author's) to do mine. Seems a lot of work. Now I am reading the manual of instructions with it. I see some new categories she has added to her usual list. I read them and think how odd. They seem minor and trivial, not helpful to the dreamer. Maybe just stuff that's in her dreams. Then I see her walking down the hall and I call out to her. I try to be friendly and non pushy but am a bit apprehensive she will snub me because of our previous encounters. She is friendly however and I politely say I have some questions about her dreamwork books, two of which I bought. I ask hr the questions and she responses with some general answer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3569", 
            "content": "(10/11/99)[\"Mountains or coast.\"] I am with Ernie and Ginny. They are deciding where to take their vacation. I see a car with a mural of the mountains on the side windows and a mural of the coast on the front windshield. Ginny wants to go to the mountains and Ernie wants to go to the coast. The feeling is that Ernie figures he will have to go to the mountains because Ginny wants that. He misses the ocean and is wishful of going there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3570", 
            "content": "(10/12/99)[\"Trouble with Paulina and Lance's marriage.\"] Paulina is very upset with Lance. He is sleeping in a bed. The babies had slipped down between the wall and the bed. I am in there getting clothes out of the closet to wear. I go over and try to rescue the babies. Paulina is angry at Lance and I realize the marriage is about to be over."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3571", 
            "content": "(10/13/99)[\"Don't panic on the venture.\"] I am visiting Sarafina in Ventura, California. I am at a conference. I am outdoors and ready to eat lunch. I see a display of baloney meats, all different varieties of flavors. I am resting lying down on a bench. Sarafina and her handsome boyfriend walk up to me. We are all happy to see each other. Her daughter isn't there. I feel disappointed. I would have enjoyed visiting with her. The boyfriend is very friendly and smiling. I enjoy his friendly company."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3572", 
            "content": "(10/14/99)[\"Dressing for success.\"] I am in a room. Nate is there. I want to hug him. He starts to bend down, but I say wait. I want to hug him standing up. I struggle a bit and stand up. We have an awkward hug. Now it is time to go to a meeting. Maybe it is a job interview. I am walking, wearing a peach colored pretty business suit with white trim. I feel unsure if I should be now in my wheelchair or walking. I also can't decide if I should button up my jacket or not. I get out of the elevator in a back hall of the office. I realize I have an opportunity to sneak down the hall and check out info on how the business operates and I'd do better at the interview if I snuck a peek. I feel guilty but do sneak down the hall and then decide to be honest. I return to the main reception area which I enter from the back door. I maneuver around lots of desks and barriers and finally make it to the front of the front desk to announce myself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3573", 
            "content": "(10/15/99)[\"Man eating alien plant.\"] I am in a possible space ship. We are growing plants. I discover alien plants among the regular plants. I am feeding them things that look like Brussels sprouts. I am explaining to someone that you have to be very careful feeding this plant because we already lost one crew member. He was sticking his hand with the food into the plant's top and the plant grabbed him and ate him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3574", 
            "content": "(10/15/99)[\"Howard and relationship is very dead.\"] I am aware that Howard and my relationship has been dead for many many years. There is that edge of surprise that I seem to still be in it. I get up and leave, sorry I had taken so long. All those dusty wasted years. Dust and death I leave behind, not feeling badly about leaving Howard with it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3575", 
            "content": "(10/15/99)[\"Deciding to live.\"] My parents have decided that I should die now because things are so hard for me with all the suffering I have had and will have all my life. I have agreed. They decide the best way for me to die is to lie me down in a large rectangular box half filled with a metallic silvery liquid like molding metals for statues. I am supposed to lie down and they then bill the box up all the way and I would be totally covered and submerged. I would drown in this liquid and be preserved like a statue. The thought of the liquid entering my lungs is not a good one. I feel squeamish and afraid. Charla is sad I will die. Then I walk out of the room with the box and see my mother, my father, brother Dwight and Charla in a dining room. I join them, saying to Charla. I have decided not to die. I guess I'll just wait until I die of Arthritis whenever it happens. Charla is happy and relieved. I am very relieved also. I can't imagine what I was thinking to even have agreed to this unnecessary suicide plan."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3576", 
            "content": "(10/17/99)[\"Storms on the horizon.\"] I am outdoors with Henry. He is looking behind me and comments on the many tornado funnel storms he sees on the horizon approaching us. I am looking behind him and say there are over five of them just below the horizon. You can't see them now. I am worried and fearful for the people caught out in the open when the storms arrive. The winds kick up. An object that looks like a string green bean lands on my arm with a slap. It sticks on my right arm and begins the damaging process. It is like a leech. Henry's wife grabs at it and pulls it off. It leaves a red open wound. She is relieved it was taken off quickly enough so that only minimal damage was done. She had saved my life. I begin to become sleepy and fall onto a bed (perhaps I was carried into the house.) Henry is seated next to me. As I become unconscious he pulls me up to him in a tender hug. I am healing and now that I am unconscious am relaxed about him holding me. I am peacefully allowing the embrace to be positive and healing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3577", 
            "content": "(10/18/99)[\"Traveling to France.\"] A man and I are walking hurriedly down a corridor to find the right plane to go to France. I see a shop on the left and read a price tag that says 2,000 something. I try to pronounce it in French. I have trouble remembering what the right words are but I do finally remember. We find a plane but are told it is the wrong one. We rush back down the corridor and find a second plane. I walk quickly up the stairs. We just as quickly walk back down as it is also the wrong plane. Now we are running to find a smaller plane. I realize I have to go to the bathroom. I look for one on the way and don't find one. I see a counter on the right and we ask directions of the woman there. Then I see an empty beauty parlor on the left. Cute plastic molded cubicles for the client and the hairdresser to be in like basket chairs hung from the ceiling. Then we find the area of boarding a cute little two seater train. Or at least the facade of a train on the back side and two seats like on a train open on the other side. It travels on the curved tracks. I really have to pee and hope there is a bathroom on the plane, wherever it is, and I hope it isn't too small."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3578", 
            "content": "(10/18/99)[\"Conflicted arthritis.\"] I am laying on my stomach on a hospital gurney in the hall. I am being prepared for surgery. I already am very drowsy with the anesthesia. A doctor comes over to my right and bends down to look at me. I work hard to speak clearly and remember all I need to tell him. He asks me what I have. I say Rheumatoid Arthritis. He asks what medications I am on. I say Risperdal and Cortisone. He asks me what surgery I am having. I tell him It is for conflicted arthritis. They need to open spots on my body to release something so I can get better. He is disapproving and surprised. He says I should be trying different medicines like a liquid form of what I take first to see if it will help. The surgery is drastic. I feel concerned that I've again made a mistake with my decisions and have rushed the process to an unnecessary risk taking procedure. I am angry at myself. I then decide that it will be fine. I need this surgery. I feel a nurse injecting more anesthesia meds in my right butt. I am nearly asleep. Another nurse, a man, pokes my right arm with a needle. I am angry at him. because he doesn't seem to have any reason for poking me. I muster up all the strength I have to glare at him. He comes back to do it again. I ask him what he is doing and then I realize he is supposed to be doing that, so I apologize and let him do it. I am afraid they will start the surgery before I am properly \"out.\" I tell them I am still awake. I feel a slit being cut across the back just below the neck. It doesn't hurt. It has begun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3579", 
            "content": "(10/18/99)[\"Arthritic concert.\"] I am going to a concert. The auditorium is just now opened and I hurriedly walk to the seats. As I approach the good seats right up front I see them filling up. I go to the next level and the same thing. I ask a woman if those seats are saved. She is rude and says they are. I keep going up, disappointed that I won't see as well. I climb a ladder, chatting with a young man about the crowded conditions and so on. I find a balcony area where some stools are. I grab one concerned I will be uncomfortable with no back rest, but at least I can see. I choose to lean against the wall, but then a row of people sit in front of me at the rail and I can barely see the music group down on the stage. A man with grey hair and a limp sits in front of me. I catch his eye and we smile. I look away and then back at him and we smile again. I see he has arthritis also. A deformed foot and so on. We feel a bond. We are attracted to each other. I decide to scoot forward and am now sitting right next to him, with one person sort of leaning in between us. The door opens on our right and we see close up two members of the group entering singing. They remind me a bit of the Star Spangled Band singer I spoke with. The concert has begun and I am excited. It is fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3580", 
            "content": "(10/19/99)[\"Tornadoes approaching.\"] I married a man with a number of brothers. I live in my house and he and his brothers live in the house next door. I walk over there to find him. I see that their father has cleared several paths through the bushes to make it easier to go back and forth. I thank him for doing that. Suddenly I am aware of high winds and turn and see in the distance, behind my house a tornado or two. I go into my house and am worried for the children. They are outside in the back. I open the door. By now the winds are ferocious. I call to the children, fear in my voice. They hear me but are slow to respond. I demand they come in the house right now! As I am herding them toward the house, the tornado approaches very close. I get them in and Ellie tries to follow me back out. I yell at her, Ellie! Over and over. Finally I get them and me inside. I say stay in the kitchen because it only has one small window. I say I wish we had a basement! I am scared we will be hurt. Now the tornado is very close at the far left of the house. I looks like it might pass us by. Then suddenly it turns and passes right up against the entire back wall of the house. The branches of trees caught in the whirling winds rake across the back. Now there are a row of windows across that wall. The windows are breaking and flying glass is all over the place. Miraculously we are not injured but it is a close call."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3581", 
            "content": "(10/21/99)[\"Bonnie and I cleaning up.\"] Bonnie and I are at some store like a big shopping center. I notice that employees or guards are watching the exits. I don't like that and feel suspicious. We move away from them. I see a huge pile of stuff. Clothes, toys, lots of things. Bonnie and I are trying to sort them, fold them and pack them. The girls are there, running around, playing. They aren't interested in what we are trying to do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3582", 
            "head": "10/23/99", 
            "content": "I am supposedly at Ginny and Ernie's house. Five members of a blues band are there temporarily, after a performance. The woman member is serving up a dinner she cooked. I sit at the table choosing to sit next to the handsome dark haired leader of the band. I like this opportunity to practice flirting. He is not particularly interested and moves his place to across the table. A large, coarse featured faced man sits by me. I'm not as interested in him.. The woman serves the meal. I look at it. Caviar and hot-dogs (bunched together like bananas) and fruits like grapes and melon chunks. It looks unappetizing, especially the black Caviar. I tentatively taste the food and am surprised that I enjoy the taste. But the look of the of it, and knowing its fish eggs makes it hard for me to relax and fully enjoy it. The woman wants the group to leave today and go home so she can work on her blues singing. I want them to stay 2 more days they had planned on so I can practice flirting. She asks each one if they want to go. They are ambivalent. She leaves on her own and then comes back in. She's singing a blues song and in the song she pops up in the head and chest part of a mermaid statue singing. I also see the mermaid statues head and chest laying in a cradle like part of another statue."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3583", 
            "content": "(10/27/99)[\"Realize in dream 911 won't help.\"] A vicious man is trying to get into the house. I am afraid and trying to lock the door. Too late. He gets in. I think about calling 911 but I remember doing that never works in dreams. I resign myself to the upcoming rape. I try and relax and soften my feelings, to not be so upset about it. I think he backs down and merely threatens me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3584", 
            "content": "(10/27/99)[\"Not my type, but surprise, I like him.\"] A plump pudgy man likes me a lot. He's nice, but I am not particularly attracted to him. He comes close and kisses me softly. I find it pleasant and soft. I begin to like it a lot. I become sexually excited and want to make love. He is very happy and I am very surprised."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3585", 
            "content": "(10/29/99)[\"Man helper guides me to health.\"] I am working creatively with a good-looking nice guy like Davey We are in a large living room and are happily collaborating. Our writings are up on a board. Later, my family comes to visit. My Grandma Anne comes in. I am surprised, because she's been dead for along time. Davey happily goes to embrace her and she cowers from the hug. I apologize explaining she's afraid. Davey backs off so she won't be offended. Later, Davey is doing Tai Chi. He asks me if I know what it is. I proudly say \"Yes, I know, its Tai Chi. He smiles, hoping I will take it up as it is heathful for me. He is also showing me a better diet (maybe veggie) to eat for my health. I am glad he is helping me to be more healthy. I feel happy and loved."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3586", 
            "content": "(10/30/99)[\"Refusing other people's responsibilities.\"] Charla and I live in an old house, all on one floor, with white walls, long halls and room after room down the halls. Irv moves in. He is down a long forgotten hall. Charla and I are cleaning up. I pick up a box of huge men's shoes and think they are Irv's. I carry them down the hall, then cross an intersection of halls into the one I'd forgotten was there. I see signs on his closed door saying Keep Out. I see drawers in the wall next to his door and open one or two. I see old curtains and things. I find one drawer with some room in it. Then I lay the giant shoes on the floor next to his door. I return to our living area to clean some more. Dovre comes in and hands me a box with a big plant in it (like the one in Charla's room now).She says non nonchalantly, Will you put that in the room? I take the box but I am angry. I then decide this isn't OK and put the box down on the floor next to the door of my room. I say you have no right to ask me to do that. It is big and heavy and hard for me to do with my arthritis. Then it is time to go to work. We get into a small red sports car convertible. I am driving. It begins to snow. We are in Germany apparently. We pull up to the business door. I am angry at Dovre and am lecturing her. I tell her she has to get a life of her own, and quit desperately connecting with my life. I get out and put up the top on the car. I walk into the business. Again long white halls. It was an easy 2 steps up to the door, but just inside the building is a long flight of stairs going down. I walk it, feeling pretty good about it, but I am concerned I will run out of energy and feel tired. I decide I want to walk with a cane and one appears. I feel more comfortable now, surprised I am walking so well. I walk down long halls, turning right and then left. I find a room that might be my new office. It is room 409. I ask some man if this is my room. He says go to the lobby and ask there. I ask where the lobby is. He says In the front of the building, of course. Like I am stupid for not knowing that. I walk down more halls and find a big nice lobby."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3587", 
            "content": "(11/01/99)[\"Racing well.\"] I go into a huge stadium, indoors. Thousands of women are attending a special Woman's Conference. I walk up a long ramp and find chairs in a row up high in the stadium. I look back down the ramp and see rows and rows of already seated women. It's a long way back to the rest rooms and I need to pee. I decide to wait. Signs are being placed in front of our chairs. I then decide to find a rest room. I walk some distance and find a bathroom with a large bathtub in it. The warm water is already drawn. It is a cleansing ritual says the man in charge. I get into the tub. The water is clean and a bit cool. I want it warmer, and turn the faucet on to add hot water. I am clothed in a black spaghetti strap top. Bonnie comes in. She wants to take a bath. I tell her this isn't a bath, with soap to get clean. This is a special cleansing ritual. I get out and put a leopard spotted T-shirt under the skimpy black top. The man tells me I must wear it over the top. I rearrange the tops. I leave the bathroom, still wet, but not uncomfortable. I get in a manual wheelchair. The man tells me the ramp is steep at first, and will be a bit hard to go up, but then it evens off and is easier. I struggle hard to push myself up the steep ramp. I manage to get to the top and see a downward slope with tight corners. Now it's a challenge, fun and fast. I lean into it to gather speed and take the corners like a race car, loving the excitement of barely making the corners with squealing tires. I do well and am having fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3588", 
            "content": "(11/02/99)[\"Graduation late.\"] I am in a huge outdoor field where high school graduation just took place. Now everyone is gone, but me and Darryl and 2 other men. I missed my graduation, or was very late to it. Darryl is interested in sex and I decide to go along with him. I know he doesn't love me, but I want to have sex with him. I follow him. Now it is the next morning, and Gaston comes over to me. He is preparing a picnic in the park and wants me to go to town in the van and get some things for it. I am tired and don't really want to go, but I do. Apparently it was him I made love to after graduation and this is the morning after. I get in the van and drive. It is a Sunday morning and there is no other traffic on the road. I am driving in a store. I get out of the van. Celeste wants me to take some boxes with letters and maybe a fat laced piece of meat. I walk with these items looking for the van."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3589", 
            "content": "(11/05/99)[\"Framed.\"] I am the daughter of Cary Grant or Clark Gable. He is a kind mobster. We enter a restaurant and are seated at a table right next to the enemy mobster boss and associates. I am between them and my \"father.\" I begin talking with the enemy boss. I say there will be no trouble here. You will leave each other alone. He smiles and agrees but I feel uneasy. I don't trust him. He in fact does leave us alone and leaves the restaurant. I am relieved. Then someone comes in and says my \"father\" has stolen liqueur and so on. They set him up. He is framed. It looks bad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3590", 
            "content": "(11/06/99)[\"Luscious fruit feast.\"] I am visiting two older grey haired women. Rosalie and perhaps her sister. They are retired and quite wealthy. We get into a small private airplane of theirs. Rosalie is the pilot. We are flying to their summer cottage on the coast. I wonder if we are safe. We land safely on a road. The cottage is huge and has many rooms. Lovely furnishings. I start to walk to the window to see the ocean but am distracted to yet another room. A feast is prepared and one table is filled with lush cantaloupes, strawberries and grapes. The colors are bright and very enticing. They look luscious. I am curious to return and see the view of the ocean. I start for that room again when I notice the entire cottage is moving like a sideways elevator. The landscape is spinning by very fast. Finally it stops and I look out. I see a vague coast line, but no ocean. I am disappointed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3591", 
            "content": "(11/06/99)[\"Not much of a vacation.\"] I had a mini vacation for the weekend and had been staying the one night at a hotel. It is the next morning and I want to pack and return home. I have lots of things to pack. A man and perhaps some other people are there, observing me as I pack. Apparently I am some famous person. I can't find my suitcase and remember I gave it to the bell hop or someone. I dig around under a vanity and find a bag. I am putting clothes in there from the floor. I put aside some old papers with pictures that have sentimental value related to my loved one who was famous. The man watches closely as I hold them aside carefully so they won't be harmed. I continue packing. I see a great many cut fruits that had fallen or put on the floor in a corner. Left overs, I guess. I need to clean up that mess and get the fruits into the wastebasket. Melon slices, strawberries and grapes. I start to scrape them up. Someone helps me. I then put my special papers into a pocket on the outside of the bag I'm packing in so they are protected. It is almost done. I realize I didn't really do anything special for my vacation. Just stayed over night at the hotel in anticipation of going out and having fun the next day. Now I'm not interested, I just want to go home."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3592", 
            "content": "(11/07/99)[\"Celebrating Dad.\"] I am in a house sitting at a round table. I think this is my parents' house, although I don't recognize the house. It doesn't actually exist. Just the table. I am living with them or visiting, I'm not sure. I have at least 1000 dollars. I am trying to figure out how to make more money with it. Maybe I gambled for it or just had good luck, I don't know. Now I am outside and my father is standing in front of me. He turns to face me and is talking about the things he's done in his life. I look beyond him and see a long line of relatives coming out of the trees into the meadow we are in. They are coming to the celebration of my father's life. It is supposed to be a surprise for my father so I keep him talking. I think he knows, and is cooperating. Now they are all seated at a long table. I stand at the head of the table and begin a speech chronicling my father's life and accomplishments. After I am done, I realize I didn't ask for any input from my brothers and sister. I apologize to Lydia, saying I was rolling along and never thought to ask them if they had anything to say. They don't seem to be bothered. I walk around. I see Aunt Elaine. I look at her face. She looks different. I think she looks fine. I wonder why my mother hates her. I like her just fine. I see Suzanne who hasn't seemed to grow up. Maybe she is 15 years old. I try to calculate how old Elaine is. It doesn't make sense. I walk around more and see Patricia. Her face is much older, wrinkled. I am surprised. I also see Grandma Anne and am surprised to see her as she is dead. And then Chester. Who is also dead. It is quite the Sanders reunion."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3593", 
            "content": "(11/09/99)[\"Pulling teeth for fun.\"] I am holding a circular column of rows of perfect teeth. I seem to be compulsively pulling the teeth out, one at a time. I am fascinated with the sensation of pulling them. I keep thinking this isn't a good idea. I need teeth, but I keep doing it. I am down to the last of 4 or 5 rows. I pull one out of the last row and decide to stop because now it would show as a gap when I smiled. I still want to do it, but I stop."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3594", 
            "head": "11/09/99", 
            "content": "I am walking in the ocean along the beach about thigh deep. At least I tell myself I am thigh deep, but I don't actually see the water on my legs. I see a wall of water on my left about that height. I am picking up tomato like plants and pulling them out of the ground by their tops which look like carrot tops. I then bury them into the sand again and they transform into eggs which quickly change into hard boiled. Then a sort of human being grows up rapidly out of that. It's kind of fun to watch, but then I get concerned that these new life forms will be abandoned and will die. It's not a good thing to do this for fun and then not be there to help the new creatures."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3595", 
            "content": "(11/10/99)[\"Beautiful me and no dance partner.\"] I am at a dance. I am young, slim and beautiful I am wearing a velvet black evening gown, very form fitting. A diagonal line of spangles across the midriff from breast to hip. My hair is lovely. A touch of red velvet in the form of a small evening purse completes the outfit. I stand and watch the people, looking for the man that will come claim me. Several rather ugly men come near and look but turn and leave me standing there. I am relieved they didn't choose me and feel a bit lonely and rejected. I conjure up a man who looks like Robert Downey, very handsome. He begins to look at me possibly interested. In the dream I wanted a touch of red and thought up the purse, and I wanted a man who looked like Robert Downey to be there and he appeared."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3596", 
            "content": "(11/11/99)[\"Kind aunts.\"] I am trying to knit a sweater of soft blue yarn. I am making something for Paulina. I look at it and see I've forgotten to follow the fisherman knit cable pattern and am doing a simple knit design. I also dropped a few stitches which created a run. I pack it and several other knitting projects away as I am leaving. Several of my aunts are there. I might even be in Grandpa Lee and Grandma Maude's house. Aunt Charlotte walks with me holding my hands very caringly and is very loving and caring. Perhaps Naomi is in the background, concerned and loving as well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3597", 
            "content": "(11/12/99)[\"Ginny helps me improve my house.\"] It's an odd house I live in. Sort of the 40th Avenue house and yet quite different. Ginny is there and is helping me fix things up to look nicer. She calls me outside to see what she did with the lawn. I step out the living room door and step onto a lawn so thick and lush it's like a well manicured carpet. Near the door she has placed a Buddha type statue. I walk out toward the street. The lawn is a healthy dark green. It is higher and thicker in some places. I look where the driveway used to be. It is also lawn. I say well, I used to have a garden there, but I haven't planted it in a long time. So I approve of the replacement of the garden with this lawn. I look to see if the sidewalk was also covered since the parking strips are also all lawn. I see a narrow sidewalk remaining. I go back inside the house. I look up at the ceiling. Large ceiling tiles are falling off revealing an opaque plastic tarp. Ginny is up there crawling around. I call out to her to be careful. She might fall through the ceiling. I am concerned that the tiles are falling. Ginny comes back in. I look up again and see the tiles are replaced and all is well. Now Ginny is putting up Charla's art work on a high wall. A face of a man and a face of a woman in 3/4 profile. Crude line drawing, but interesting. Then several abstract colorful pieces. She is putting my pictures up for me. I agree with where she is putting them, not being very specific abut where I might want them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3598", 
            "content": "(11/12/99)[\"Fighting the man in prison.\"] I am in prison. A huge scary prisoner, male, is coming toward me with the intent of beating the hell out of me. I come out of my cell knowing he will beat me and knowing I can't win, but by God, I'm going to try hard to survive. He comes at me and we grapple. I bite, poke his eye, and do anything I can to hurt him and fight back. It makes enough of a nuisance that he backs off, admiring my bravery and doggedness. I now walk freely down the hall and down a long flight of stairs to the cafeteria for lunch. A woman hands me a toasted piece of bread. I tell her I don't eat bread, and then accept it, changing my mind. I gather up a plate load of food. I am safe now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3599", 
            "content": "(11/12/99)[\"George W. Bush Jr. cooks for me.\"] I am in my bed, somewhere, sleeping. I wake up to discover George W. Bush Jr. cooking some soup for me as a demonstration of his cooking skills. He is a candidate for President. I ask him at least three questions and he does not respond. It's as though he is deaf or concentrating so hard he can't hear me. I get out of bed when he pours the soup, which appears to be vegetable. I take the cup and see only a small amount of broth in the bottom. I sip it. I can not taste or smell anything but I say Oh, how good. Thank you. He still doesn't respond."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3600", 
            "content": "(11/14/99)[\"Performance.\"] Celeste and I are improving some acting stuff and the Uni House women are watching, enjoying us. Then Diane R. and Celeste continue on and I watch. They are marvelous. Perfect coordination of their words and gestures and movements. The women gather around them. I feel a bit jealous and left out, but quickly let go of that as I am so amazed at their flawless performance."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3601", 
            "content": "(11/14/99)[\"Another sprawling house with many rooms.\"] I am apparently living with my parents in a long sprawling one story house with many unexplored rooms. I am carrying a notebook and some things that fell out of my purse. I see a photo and want to cut out the part of the picture of Charla. It is a school photo of a group of kids. Their back is to the camera. It is a snapshot. I finally locate Charla in the center and partially covered by the others. As I watch, the photo becomes animated. She turns and is clear to see. I quickly cut out around the outline of her, being careful to cut out the flowing lines of the muffler she is wearing. I get it cut out and I want to put it up on the door of my bedroom. I remember I had moved from my old bedroom to this other room and walk down the hall to go there. I am in a sort of lobby area and I hear a crash. I look to see a small red car I thought was a sports car convertible had crashed through the glass door to the indoor porch. I look again and see it is a small kiddie car, red and convertible. A boy had crashed his car into the door. I call my father who asks the boy his telephone number to call his parents to get payment for the damages. As he is doing that I notice yet another room I didn't know was there. I walk over some fragile rotten boards and open the door. It is a dark musty room with old old paper trash all over. Dingy, square and uninteresting. I shut the door. I see another door and carefully walk along the edges of a very rotten flooring and open that door and see the inside insulation of a freezer. I shut it. Now I remember I used to live in another wing and walk back down the hall. I walk through a kitchen and notice all the dishes are clean and put away. Apparently my mother does the housework and I am relieved I don't have to. I turn left down another hall. I see a bedroom on the left that used to be my parents' bedroom and then I lived there for awhile. I go on. I decide to not explore the entire series of rooms. I'd been there before. Then I look out the window and see I am in a rural small town and wish I could live in the city where activities and art and performances happen. I ask myself if I'd go even if they were available. I walk on down a hall that has become the small town's street. I look in a building and see several children and adults in wheelchairs. I am intrigued and go in to find myself in a weight room establishment. I am happy to see they are wheelchair accessible. I decide to explore this town. I go across the street to the grocery store and go in. Now I come out on the weird handlebars of a man's bicycle. I am seated like in a small chair. He is very close and wrapped around me but not touching. He is very attracted to me and is giving me a ride around town to show me what's there. I am a bit afraid because he's a stranger and I shouldn't be accepting rides from strangers, but I am excited also because he is sexy and attractive. We tease and talk. He keeps trying to sneak a kiss. I enjoy the attraction, but am unwilling to let go and make love as we are strangers. Later, perhaps. We go down a long long flight of stairs that are a sidewalk in bricks. It is a bumpy ride and there is a group of people ahead of us. I am very impressed with how well he drives the bike with me on it not hitting the people or loosing balance. He's taking me home now and even though I am sexually turned on. I know it is important not to leap into this too quickly. I allow him one passionate kiss at the door."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3602", 
            "content": "(11/15/99)[\"Gay man is my protection.\"] I am in Duffy's tavern alone. I see Tom Hanks sitting alone at a table. I sit down with him and say \"You are gay. He is startled. I then say I'd like to sit with you so it looks like we are together. I don't want to be hit on. I just want to have fun and dance and maybe meet a nice guy. He thinks that's an OK idea. We are alibis for each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3603", 
            "content": "(11/15/99)[\"Investigative reporting.\"] I am outdoors. I'd been asked to do a small bit in a video promo about disability. Three of us stand in a row in front of a large standing audience. We each have a letter of the alphabet to mime in a hand gesture. The three letters are COC. I am the second C. I manage to do this even with my deformed hand. After that is over I go inside and ask for any odd jobs they may have. A male editor says yeah. Here's one and hands me a note. I am to call some people to interview them. I try and try to reach one man. He won't answer the phone. He is a war vet and there is some mystery. I am also researching the subject. Pulling files out of the file drawers. I notice newspaper clippings all over the floor and see one. I read it. It is the story of a grandfather that decided to commit suicide. He visits his Grandchildren for a last afternoon together. They are grateful for the time with him. They go bird watching. They see regular Wrens. Then they are lucky enough to see a Super Wren. It is a beauty. As I read this I notice the irony of them enjoying seeing the Super Wren and at the same time he's already decided to die. Seems strange to me. Wouldn't the wonders of life pull him back into life?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3604", 
            "content": "(11/15/99)[\"Accessibility issues.\"] I am in an office, supposedly where I work and it is my office. I am seated in my wheelchair and behind me is a water fountain, ornamental, with pretty rocks in it. I go out of the office, down the hall to get to the bathroom in the back room. I complain to the women there that their work materials are all cluttered and blocking my aisle to the bathroom and back. I am annoyed. I get back into the office, which I seem to share with Theodore and perhaps Hank. I see someone has been working on my pretty water fountain. I see huge chunks of quartz crystals in what used to be empty spaces between rocks. I think that looks pretty. I see a second fountain. I suddenly notice that the water tubes are not fixed right so that water is running down the wall and under my chair and all over. The office area is cluttered also and things are getting ruined. I exclaim, upset now who did that! I decide to complain to the boss. I wheel quickly down a long hall and around a right corner. I see a woman secretary and call to her that I want to see the boss. An older woman in a wheelchair comes out. She's the boss. I tell her I have some accessibility issues I want to complain about. She gestures me into her office. She putts around trying to clear off a space to work. Finally, I go on down the hall, meeting one barrier after another. I am getting more and more frustrated. I find a very narrow door way that has those bars in them like revolving gates. I yell, this is inaccessible. A large robot arm very padded, comes through and motions to me to follow it. I say do you mean me? Barb? It wriggles it's hand end yes. I follow it through a now opened area beside the narrow doors. Three or more brown uniformed police or security guards are there. They are telling me that things are in progress and will be better. I am annoyed. Now the hall is a road sort of and lots of cars and trucks and odd looking wheelchair contrivances, Mark H. in a golf cart like wheelchair. He bumps into the rear end of a truck. I am now very upset I am near a policeman and I say with relish, Just try me. This is terrible that wheelchair traffic is mixed with bigger more dangerous vehicles. Keep this up and you'll get quite a protest. I am eager to take them on. I wonder if it is wise to brag so loudly in front of them that I will be a damned nuisance to them very soon. I wheel back to the office to complain. I see someone like Hank and I want to kick him. but I can't because he is 9 months pregnant. I grumble it's not fair, because it isn't even him that is carrying the baby. I look up to see the boss is now a very pregnant wife of Howard. I am frustrated. How am I going to complain about Howard with his own wife, my boss. Frustrated!"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3605", 
            "content": "(11/16/99)[\"Speeches are fun and easy.\"] I am in a room like Toastmasters with the tables in a \"V\" formation. I am standing at the speaker's end, making impromptu speeches on familiar subjects, like dreams. I seem to be doing just fine and feeling comfortable. Celeste is around helping. I make speech after speech, happy I am doing so well and feeling comfortable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3606", 
            "content": "(11/16/99)[\"Speeches, dreams and writing.\"] I am in a meadow, standing in a line with Celeste, a woman writer and another woman, making speeches. I am impressed the woman writer is writing and I realize that's what I should be doing. Writing. Celeste is a helping friendly presence that is encouraging me to do speeches, writing and dreams. It feels very comfortable. Later, there is a man, friendly and we might be starting a relationship."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3607", 
            "content": "(11/17/99)[\"Magic shoes.\"] I am a young teen walking into a gym. My coach welcomes me and hands me a pair of white sneakers. He says don't expect these sneakers to be as good as the first pair I let you wear. I remember they were red high top sneakers. These were regular white sneakers. I look around for the socks. I find thick bootie type socks and put them on, glad for their protection. I wonder if I'll be able to walk in these flat shoes, much less play basketball. I stand and walk, very glad to see I can move quite well in these sneakers. I go out on the gym floor and join the team. We aren't very good. I am waving my hands saying, here, here. I'm open. The young girl holding the basketball totally ignores me. I go up to her and say why didn't you pass the ball to me? She wandered off. I try and make a basket but it is so high I know I won't make it and hesitate. I run back and forth between the two baskets, playing, and marveling at how well I seem to be able to move with these flat sneakers. As it continues, I get better and better, finally jumping up and popping in a basket. The coach is watching carefully as he moves with me, yelling encouragement. Now the ball seems like a deflated plastic bubble and I can't get it to dribble and bounce. I call out that we need a better ball. Someone brings out a ball bag and I see the other balls are weird and deflated also. I finally find a regular basketball which has enough air. I play better now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3608", 
            "content": "(11/19/99)[\"Jerry Lewis a pervert.\"] Jerry Lewis, a funny man, is a pervert. There are repeated sexual attacks by him on me and on others. It's like the dream repeats itself over and over again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3609", 
            "content": "(11/19/99)[\"Man resists me.\"] I am swimming in a swim pool. It is a laps contest. I am doing the back stroke and doing it well. I feel the enjoyment of cleaving through the water and being well coordinated. I am powerful and graceful. I pass them all. I go back and forth quickly. Now I am out of the pool. I am attracted to a military officer who is attracted to me. It is all very non verbal. He is resisting me. I don't know why. I am wearing jeans and a shirt. I put on a slinky white dress with a back slit. Over this outfit. It is tight and I struggle to get it on. I am now walking toward his area. Perhaps a tent. I feel a bit silly, because the jeans show under the hem of the dress. I walk in and he sees me. He wants to spend time with me, but he fights the urge. Now I go up to him very close and ask him what's wrong? Is he married? Why does he ignore me? He is abrupt and walks away from me. I guess I'll never know."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3610", 
            "content": "(11/20/99)[\"Strange cafe and distant dreamwork.\"] I have traveled for the weekend down to some town to work with Bill and the graduate students on my dreams. I spend the first night with Nancy and Mary (my old PA's) who apparently are grad students of Bill's. We sleep out in a parking lot. I carry a black purse that I am careful to have with me at all times. I left it where we slept and felt worried and came back to find it. The students and Bill have already gone off to a cafe called \"The Bomb\" to discuss my dreams. I feel left out, but decide I can find them. First I have to go pee, so I cross the street and go into a building and find the bathroom. I pee in a glass square, one of four in a row. Then I walk up the street, concerned that I am alone and maybe ruffians will come and bother me. I make it to the cafe safely. I walk in and the students and Bill are already in discussion around a round table. I sit at a small side table and try to listen in. One or two of the women students acknowledge my presence. Otherwise, it's as though I wasn't there. A woman student suggests I should see the unusual zoo display. I walk with her and see a petting zoo kind of arrangement. A large low box with animals in it. I first see a calf's head, but no body. It is alive and wavering around in the air. I feel queasy looking at it. I see on the right, a black cat seated and a rabbit on a small box quietly seated. I am aware a pigeon is there too. I look back at the calf's head and see a dirty white glove resting on it's head. Then it passes under the head as though it was a magicians hand proving there were no wires. I comment on the odd bad smell in the cafe. I return to where the discussion of my dreams is supposedly happening. The nice male grad student is trying to be helpful. I need to leave on Sunday and I tell him I leave at :544. He's going to help me get to the plane."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3611", 
            "content": "(11/20/99)[\"Three questions of the dreamer?\"] I am in a gym like room. Bill is conducting his dream class. The grad students are lined up, seated around the walls of the square room. They are some distance from me and Bill is in the center of this expansive floor. A woman student asks me \"What are your thoughts on Marriage?\" I chuckle and say this is a hard question for me. I have conflicted feelings on this subject. I was married for 10 years. It was not a good experience. I worked for years on understanding and learning how to work through those issues. If a man comes along who can be my good friend as well as a lover, then I would consider marrying him. I had turned my head toward Bill so he could for sure hear what I am saying. Then another woman student (not one of the DreamWorkers) asks me a long question. I say I didn't understand all you said, but I did hear it's something about transportation and relationship. She then stands up and walks right up to me, I am sitting. She towers over me as she repeats the question. I stand up and say please don't do that. I then stand over her as she sits back in her spot. I end up standing straddle over her bowed head. I worry she will turn her head and be looking up my long skirt. I feel embarrassed. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I step back and say that's what it feels like. It's very demeaning. I try to answer her question saying something about relationship. I hesitate over choosing the word person rather than man when answering the question. Then Bill tells the class it is time for the quiz. I sit over next to the nice woman grad student. He asks the question. I don't clearly hear it I only hear something about what will you do if you meet someone at a train and your job is to entertain them and they are boring. The class writes their answers. I watch."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3612", 
            "content": "(11/20/99)[\"Dwight yanked up into the sky.\"] I am in a house where my parents live. It's time to fix dinner and apparently I am the only one in the house that does any work. Oh well, I don't mind helping my mother who works so hard. I begin opening drawers to see what's available. I see things have been moved around. I see the beef casserole on the stove, maybe left out too long. I see corn on the cob, in their husks in the drawer. Bread loaves of home made bread also. Then Dwight comes in and now Dwight and I are the same character. He has been grabbed by the back of his jacket by some huge invisible force that is propelling him through the house. He is forced down the hall and sees my father in the bedroom. He calls out to my father and says This force has a hold of me. My father laughs and says quit fooling around. Dwight/I is propelled back down the hall and straight out the front door. My father now believes him and is following trying to reach him to help him. As soon as Dwight/I are out the door, we are forced straight up into the blue sky. Up and up we go. It is frightening. I see a cloud as I look up, then we are even with it and then we are above it. We are afraid the force will release us and we will fall to our death. Up we continue until there is another land up there and we are deposited there. We see a train waiting and people boarding it. Someone tells us to go to the station and check in. We walk into the train station. People are seated around a round table. As we look at them, their human faces blur and we see alien faces. It is scary. Then we turn to the right to hear someone talking to us. It is Dwight in a blue Hawaii patterned shirt, balding on top. We are shocked to see ourselves facing us. He tells us we must catch the train and start at the next town. The train is just now starting to leave. We run out and run with the train as it increases speed. We hop on top of the yellow nose of the engine and the speed is now dangerously fast. We cling to the car as we frantically move toward the car to get inside. Finally we manage to get inside. We sit next to a man who says he thinks this is all made up for us. As the landscape streaks by and we are going up a steep hill on the rails (like a roller coaster ride) we see sudden patches of sky where the land was. It is scary, because if we don't continue to believe we are on solid land, we will fall through and fall to earth and die. We come to a town and get off. The man advises us to go straight to the house in front of us, not turn toward the right and go on into town. We do that, going into the house and realizing this will be our house. We are in the kitchen. I see a stove with the outer structure of a stand up piano. It's time to fix dinner."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3613", 
            "content": "(11/21/99)[\"A lovely many roomed house.\"] I am visiting a house I may rent or buy. I first check out the bathroom which is being remodeled. I see a large room, but a narrow doorway. I see an accessible toilet, then when I get in, it is an old inaccessible toilet with a sink over it. The man says he will have that all fixed if I move in. I walk down a hall and more and more rooms are seen. I turn left and another long hall, this time some steps up. They say they will ramp that but we'd lose some space in the kitchen. I walk through the kitchen, then the dining room and then a lovely living room. I return ad see the dining room has only a table and a refrigerator. I wonder why the refrige isn't in the kitchen. I decide if we make the dining room and the kitchen one room, we can fit the ramp. I go back to look at the living room. Lovely furniture, large made with beautiful woods. The woman reminds me that the beautiful furniture is hers and won't stay in the house after I move in. I wonder if then the rooms will look quite ordinary then. I am now sitting in a \"room\" which actually is a road with traffic passing through. The road seems to pass through my house. At one edge. I return into the house proper and see yet another little alcove room which is quite lovely. Neon art work. She turns them on so I can see them work."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3614", 
            "content": "(11/23/99)[\"Falling with Al Pacino.\"] I have a conference to attend. I need to drive about 2 hours to get there. If I leave now, I'll barely make it. A woman who looks like Captain Janeway is concerned she won't be able to fit all the sheep she just bought into her car to take them home. I look at the inside of my van which is very spacious. I say They will fit here. I offer to take her home. Meanwhile a group of students, perhaps like Bill's grad students need a ride home as well. I let them in also. I am a bit mad at myself because this will make me late for what I want to do, but I did it anyway. I am driving and look back into the van seeing it crammed full of sheep and grad students. I shake my head in amazement at how silly this is and how crowded. I let them out and then I am in the back seat of a car and Al Pacino is in the driver's seat. I am however, driving with the steering wheel from my passenger seat behind him. I look up to see we are on a path directly headed for a terrible fall. The road suddenly turns 95 degrees to the left to get to a bridge over a huge expanse of water. I realize we aren't turning. I don't say anything as it all happened so quickly. Off the road we go. I remember I'd done this before in a dream and how horrible it felt, with the intense fear. This time I feel some fear, but it's not so bad. The car noses down and we are falling fast and straight down toward the land. It is certain death, or so it seems. Now the car is gone and we are falling. Al says to me move to where you are over the water. I wriggle around and manage to land in the water. I hit and go deep down. I come back up and swim to the shore, glad to be alive. We get ashore. I run to him and we kiss, so happy to be alive. Now we are attracted to each other. We hold hands as we walk around a long huge high wall of bookcases. Behind the cases we turn and are walking back toward the road. I see boxes and boxes of my stuff. I start retrieving some. I find my dream books and am specifically picking up as many of those as I can find. I want to recover them all. It's getting heavy and cumbersome, but I still keep trying."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3615", 
            "content": "(11/25/99)[\"Biking with Charla to M City.\"] I and Charla are going on my bike to M City but first we take a \"small\" detour to a special restaurant for breakfast. We get there to discover snow on the ground. I have a hard time parking the van. I can't seem to find a place close enough that leaves room for the lift to open. When we get out and get up to the door of the restaurant, we find out there is a 45 minute wait or more as the restaurant is full. We decide to go on. Back in the van, we go sliding down a very steep driveway back to the road. We are on the bike now and bouncing over the large rocks that are like gravel on the side of the road. It is going to take us 5 hours to get over the mountain to M City for Thanksgiving dinner. I am tired already. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3616", 
            "content": "(11/26/99)[\"Finding an office.\"] I am in a school, maybe like the community college. I have some paper work to do. But I don't have a place to work yet, as I am just starting back. I see Mabel in the hall. She greets me with a smile. She wants to show me her class she is very proud of creating. It has a teacher for each student. A mentor program. I look into the classroom from the hall. A long line of teachers are seated in a row at a table. Facing each teacher is a long line of students. The teachers are smiling and happy to be of help. The students are OK, but not as happy as the teachers. I then walk down the hall. I see a desk at the end of the hall and I feel very tired. I lie down on the desk to nap, since I can barely keep my eyes open. Later I am back up and go to an office that will become mine. Transition time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3617", 
            "content": "(11/26/99)[\"Robert Redford and the priest.\"] I am enacting a scene in a play over and over. Now I see Robert Redford sitting. He smiles and asks for a kiss. I think a kiss would be fun. I walk over to him and sit in his lap. We have a long sexy kiss. I get back up. Robert indicates he'd like to meet me later for more. I agree. Even though he is married. Later I am talking with a priest. He makes some cliche statement from the doctrine of the church. I say to him as an aside (while the entire congregation listens in), isn't that superstitious? Not even faith, or mythology, but flat out superstition. He agrees, a bit embarrassed. Even the congregation nods their heads in agreement. The priest has an idea. He wants us to act out or pursue an idea. But he knows it will mean I can't meet with Robert later. He feels bad for me as he knows I am looking forward to it. I wish I could be with Robert, but I also am interested in pursuing this idea. I follow the priest."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3618", 
            "content": "(11/27/99)[\"MIUSA work.\"] I am recruited to do work for MIUSA in a foreign country. I cheerfully begin the work which is a long file in a computer with color graphics and lists and information. I decide to do it the easier way and copy the file to delete all the color graphics to get to the list of names."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3619", 
            "content": "(11/27/99)[\"Howard and Dovre don't help.\"] I have dreams or some information I need on tape. I am nubbin from one machine to another . There are three machines. Howard and Dovre are there and Howard s saying not so fast, you'll run out of tape. Then the tape in a real to real ends and is flopping around. I glare at Howard. They are not being helpful at all. I am annoyed I have to fix the tape problem."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3620", 
            "content": "(11/27/99)[\"Dream symbols revisited.\"] I decide to go for a walk. I am outside going down a street. I turn to the right. I want to put an ad in the E City Weekly. I don't remember exactly where it was. I cross a street and say now I'm in the old section, where I had dreamed this scene before. I look up and see signs across the street on wires. I see P and P3 and P Girls. Ah, just like in another dream, I think. I see a store on the left and turn in to it. No, wrong one. I go down one more and go in. I found the place. I see a booth like machine I want to buy to work my dreams with. Someone asks me if I want a drink at the bar. I say no. I don't like to socialize at a bar. Then a woman invites me to a Women's Club meeting. I go in. I am now wearing a gray slim dress, looking sort of 1950's women's club fashion, like all the other women. Then I am up front with the four speakers. The one speaking I suddenly realize is Dora. I am so surprised and happy because she is dead now. It's my turn to speak and I say with deep feeling how grateful I am for dreams because I know it isn't really Dora standing there, it is some Asian woman I don't know, but the dreams permit me to visit Dora again. I cry deeply and sadly for Dora. Then I start giving a speech on my Rheumatoid Arthritis and my experiences with that. I see there are other women waiting to speak and I trail off and hand the mike to them. They don't want to speak and the speeches are over,."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3621", 
            "content": "(11/27/99)[\"Sue the bastards.\"] Now I am in a house and want to return to the place where I bought the machine to do my dreams with. It isn't working. I get my power wheelchair but it is malfunctioning also. It wont atop when I let go of the joystick. Dwight is there. He's not very helpful. I need to step up a stair and he does help me balance. I get in the chair. I decide I need to pee. I find a bathroom with four stalls and go to the end one. I open the door. No toilet. I move my chair out of the way and open the next one. Then a woman comes out of the end stall. I hadn't seen her in there. I apologize to her. Now we go back to the store. The bored woman says too bad the machine is broken. It is really another store that made them and they don't give money back. I should just sue them right away. Lots of luck. I question her more I say well, didn't you sell this to me knowing they won't fix it unless I sue? Then I can sue you. I am assertive and right. She is unhappy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3622", 
            "content": "(11/28/99)[\"Three Jewish men and me.\"] Susie and Tom have invited me to a cafe with them. They sit at a table and direct me to sit away from them at another table, alone. I do it. Then three young Jewish men join me. Susie is setting us up hoping I'll like one and date him. The three are seated in a line across the table from me. The one directly across from me is talkative and interesting. We begin to enjoy the conversation. Suddenly, they get up and walk out. I half teasingly say Is it something I said? Because I don't know why they left. I get up and go find Susie and Tom. They are curt and tell me to return to my table. I do it. I decide I will rearrange the couch and table which had been set to turn in toward me. I turn it around so it will be more inviting for the public to join in. I look out the window and see the three men had changed their clothes and have returned. The one man looks at the furniture change and says he liked it the original way because it was more intimate. I say well, I was trying to include more people in my life. We now walk down the hall to the other room where Susie and Tom are. Now Charlton Heston enters. He has a hand grenade and is going to go out and throw it as there are enemies out there, possibly Arab. I agree to help him throw one too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3623", 
            "content": "(11/28/99)[\"Shopping in the library.\"] I am at home somewhere and looking at a computer screen trying to get some information to scroll up. I think I am ordering things off the computer. Bonnie and Mateo come over. She tells me of a great sale in the library. I want to go but have to put the groceries away first. Then I realize that Mateo had driven the car away to go to his job and forgot to unload the groceries. I worry the hamburger will spoil if not refrigerated in time. Now we go to the library. As we walk in, I see huge shelves with many thousands of books, big and colorful and interesting lining the room. I like it here. Now along the bottom edge of the walls are candles and huge shoes and purses. I stroll along the line looking at the candles and the prices. Some stick candles for 88 cents. Some pillar candles for 1.39. Bonnie shows me a very tall pillar candle. She says that is for the winter, but uses a foreign word for it. I think I'll get one too but she warns me it takes me three months to burn a small candle and we wouldn't want the candle to last to summer when it could melt. I decide not to buy it. The shoes are very very large!! I pick up a purse and look inside it. Not enough room, but a nice shape."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3624", 
            "content": "(11/28/99)[\"Precious stones on my belly.\"] I am looking for a sore spot on the left fold next to my vagina. I see it and then notice a black fiborous tuft and pull it off, then I see more of them and then I see a Geod glued on to my belly and then more polished pretty stones. I decide I'll remove them as they must weight a lot and feel uncomfortable. By the handfuls, I scoop up the rocks and peel them off me and pile them on a small night stand next to me. More and more keep appearing!."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3625", 
            "content": "(11/28/99)[\"How fat AM I?\"] I decide to weight myself. Ellie and Charla are there. I want them to bring me the scales. I try to stand on one to discover that three different scales are stacked on top of each other and they are piled on clothes. It is high. I am standing holding on to the top bunk bed. I get frustrated and call to them to fix this. They aren't very helpful. I see the number 193 and am unhappy. I know that's not correct. We continue to try and weigh me with the same kinds of problems constantly keeping me from seeing how much I weigh."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3626", 
            "head": "11/28/99", 
            "content": "I am seated and an Indian man throws me a deflated folded up football. He says this is a good one for her to throw. I see that it is as I can get a grip on it that way. I am preparing for a throwing contest with him and others. I am practicing with some women relatives. I try to throw to Patricia. My mother is there. I deliberately throw badly. I don't want him to know how well I throw, to throw him off balance."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3627", 
            "content": "(11/29/99)[\"Not prepared.\"] I am waiting for the beginning of a concert I will attend. Dwight is with me. I see Ginny and her father in law arrive. I call out to them. Then don't hear and go into the auditorium. I am waiting out in the stairwell, hall. Suddenly I remember that at 7:30, the same time the concert starts, I am supposed to be giving a warm up speech on Assertiveness before the main guest speaker arrives. I remember I left the notes at home. I have 10 minutes and that's not enough time to make it home. I am frantic. I race into the speech room and ask for a spare copy of the syllabus. I find some notes and books on a shelf out in the hall and frantically try to find the ones for this speech. I throw the papers around and some slide onto the floor. I ask Dwight to pick them up for me so people won't slip on them. He says no, he doesn't want to. I am annoyed with him for not being helpful. I am agitated and upset, panicking because I can't remember what I was to talk on. I am already formulating what I could speak on. I'll make it, but I hate this rushed unprepared feeling. I wake up in an alert agitated state."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3628", 
            "content": "(11/30/99)[\"Islands and I don't like it.\"] I am at a tropical island resort. Lots of people are there. They are at their dream resort, the place they'd rather be. They love sun and surf and swim and relaxation. I however, don't like to swim and am allergic to the sun. This isn't where I want to be. A man is there. We are friends. Lots of repetition of lines of people in swim suits on the beach. The beautiful blue gentle sea."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3629", 
            "content": "(12/01/99)[\"Captain Janeway is exhausted.\"] I am Captain Janeway and I am extremely tired. But I must continue my duties. I give orders and check up on things. My first officer, Chacotay is concerned about me and wants me to rest. So does another woman. I keep on doing what needs to be done, feeling near the end of my endurance."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3630", 
            "content": "(12/01/99)[\"Falling trees and enclosed rooms.\"] I am in a small square room with no doors or windows. I am trapped. I worry I will die if I'm not found in three days as I have no food or water. I manage to get out, I guess as I am walking down a hall. A man in a wheelchair is there. He is an old high school acquaintance. Now we are walking across a river on a bridge. I look up to my left and see very tall evergreen trees. One of the tops of a tree is falling. It is itself so big it is as big as a full tree. I am concerned it will hit us. I stop and watch, glad to see it fell off to the left on the bank. We continue walking. I am relieved no one was injured. We cross the river. Now I'm in a wheelchair. I put on the brakes. The man, perhaps Mike P., says don't do that. You don't even know what is the correct way to maintain your chair. You don't even know the way it works best."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3631", 
            "content": "(12/02/99)[\"Testing my employment capabilities.\"] I am at a Voc rehab office being testing for my employment capabilities. Lots of other people are there. Some paper and pencil tests. Now I am taken to a kitchen like office to demonstrate my skills abilities with homemaking jobs. I see bottles on the counter. I open a bottle or two and am told to find rips in a seam of a lace and cotton curtain. I find four or five of them. I attempt to sew one up by hand. She says you seem to be doing well. I say yes, but I have a travel now pay later plan. I am already starting to hurt here and here, pointing out some painful places on my hands. Now I am walking to another room on a narrow line in black open toed high heels demonstrating how well I can walk in heels. I point out that I will be hurting later. I show her how my foot slides over the edge of the shoe at the toe. I say this happens all the time. I seem to be going from one test after another of my physical capabilities."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3632", 
            "content": "(12/03/99)[\"Blood tests.\"] I am learning how to be a nurse or a Doctor. I am doing blood tests on my own blood. I don't really know how, but am trying to follow directions. Now I am exhausted. Ginny and Ernie come and take me to their house, but I am dead asleep. They drag me blankets and all and leave me on the floor in a room. I am so tired I can't seem to move. Ernie questions whether I am really asleep and all that tired. He teases me and I have to fight to not smile. I guess I am awake, just too tired to do anything. They let me rest on the floor."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3633", 
            "content": "(12/03/99)[\"A screw loose.\"] I am holding an intricate balloon set up Ernie gave me, perhaps something from the blood tests. I notice a screw is loose and I am trying to tighten the fastener. It isn't aligned correctly and as I fiddle with it, I walk out to the van. I see that all the rocks I gathered up from a creek bed are piled around the passenger seat. But Jake wants them to be moved. So I stand outside the van leaning in and scooping up handfuls of rocks some plain rocks shaped like potatoes and some white crystal like rocks. There are a lot of them and I keep scooping and moving. The rocks are now between the seats and a bit back into the van. Now I get into the driver's seat. I suddenly drop the screw out of the balloon fastener. Lydia comes over and I say can you help me look for it? I point to the floor of the van at the driver's seat to several screws. I say these are big ones that don't fit. It's a tiny screw. She is trying to help me look."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3634", 
            "content": "(12/04/99)[\"Chopping up the salad veggies.\"] I am in a house. My mother is demonstrating cooking hamburgers like pancakes. She is doing a running commentary on her techniques. She is cooking many of them, like one would with pancakes for a large group. Aunt Millie is there as well. Perhaps this is a family reunion. I suddenly realize that I should have been working on my task which is cutting up the salad veggies. I find them on a cart and begin to chop the lettuce. Some others help me. I see corn on the cob as well. I am not paying much attention, and my mother tells me to watch what I'm doing. I had tossed a weird corn on the cob which only has the silk hairs all dried out on it. I take it out of the salad fixings and start to throw it away. My mother says no. If you poke a hole in the top kernel here it will express lactose. I am not impressed. Who wants lactose?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3635", 
            "content": "(12/05/99)[\"Overdose.\"] I am in a hospital bed. It is early morning and I am being admitted to have surgery. A nurse comes in and gives me a purple pill. Another one comes in and gives me 2 more of them. I say to her, after I've taken them, I already had one. I realize I'm overdosed. She assures me I am safe. She says I will just sleep real good. I become very sleepy. There are photos of ancient relatives on the bed table. They belong to the previous patient. Her family comes in to gather her things. I point out the letter and the cigs are hers also. I guess I'm having my surgery and hope no more mistakes will be made. I am worried but am compelled to sleep by the meds."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3636", 
            "content": "(12/05/99)[\"Mom's secret.\"] My mother has disappeared. Perhaps she went into the hospital without letting us know. I am worried about her. Someone brings me a packet of her belongings from the hospital safe. I decide to open them and look even though it is obvious this is her secret stuff. I want to know her secret. First, is a roll of papers, poster size. I unroll them. A series of what look like advertising slogans. I think they are my father's art work and refold them. I can't get it to roll back up right and realize she will know someone looked. I shrug. Oh well. Next are two wrapped Christmas gifts shaped like jewelry cases. Now a faded brown photo. It's animated. My mother is lying on her belly in the dirt and grass of Nebraska. Her younger sister is to her left. She tells her to go close up for the photo. Then she sees, looks into the camera, and speaks to the photographer. \"Gladys, stop this. Don't take the picture.\" She's annoyed and angry. Then I see a picture of a house. I've never seen this house before. A dark brown house with bright pink window frames. A big spacious many roomed old farm house. An old shed is to the right of it and I realize it looks familiar because it sort of the shape and placement of my father's current house and shed. I realize this is my mother's old family home. I see a paper with the word talent written on it. It is fancy artistic writing (like my father used to do.) I now know my mother's secret. She was in love with a boy named Joe. She refused his proposal to follow her dream of being an artist. But after Joe went away, she gave in and married my father and has regretted it ever since. (In the packet was a card, \"To the younger Miss V.\" and a Christmas gift unwrapped. A many colored shirt with very fancy balloon sleeves."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3637", 
            "content": "(12/06/99)[\"Chakotay and Captain Janeway.\"] Janeway is on a mission. Chakotay is there to support her. At one point, she is on the round and he curls up around her, sometimes standing over her and sometimes she has her arms around him as he faces out away from her. She strokes his hair. They enjoy being with each other. It is sensual and loving."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3638", 
            "content": "(12/06/99)[\"Chakotay protects me.\"] I am going to a conference. Maybe a counseling conference. I am trying to get in the building. Chakotay, smiling and friendly, comes up to help open the doors. Then as a joke, he gets in my wheelchair and I stand up on the back. I playfully tostle his hair. We are laughing and people are smiling at us as we go by. We go down a hall and find an area where books are being sold and food being served. The registration area is just beyond this. I see several women friends come over. I am surprised to see Bonnie there. I realize I should introduce Chakotay to my friends. One woman, perhaps like Julia B., overweight. Comes in front of us and sits on the ground. I introduce her. Then I try to talk with Bonnie and introduce her. I say, but where are you going to stay? She says I'll sleep in your van. I say, in Spanish, to impress Chakotay, that I didn't bring my communeta. I only have the carro. She says she will manage. Chakotay is concerned about her. He wants to help her. I belatedly realize she must be in trouble if she is here. He suggests she sneak into my room. I am a bit concerned about being caught and getting in trouble. But I agree."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3639", 
            "content": "(12/07/99)[\"Interrupted sex.\"] I feel very sexually desirous and hungry. I am holding a small newborn like baby. When I caress it's cheek, I feel sexual excitement. I feel strange about this. I realize I simply have a need for sex and it is being projected out onto anything around me. I hold the baby and then put it away so I won't be tempted. Then I go to Ellie's room. She is a child again and is cleaning her room. I am surprised at how well she is doing it without an argument. I am in a hurry to leave so I can be alone and experience orgasm. On my way out, I comment on the magazine pictures cut outs she laid in a thick design on the floor. I say it should be fixed down so it doesn't get ruined when people walk on it. I go to my bedroom and get on the bed, but Dovre, a young adult comes in and wants to cuddle and talk, to get attention from me. I am annoyed and want her to leave me alone so I can have an orgasm. She doesn't go away and I am frustrated and annoyed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3640", 
            "content": "(12/07/99)[\"Who's going to clean up?\"] It is late night and a band of musicians are finally done playing. But they don't go home. They sit in their chairs all night sleeping. The floor is a mess. Papers and junk all over it. I attempt to push the paper pictures in a row on the floor under the bandstand, but don't go so far as to pick them up and put them away. I go to bed. The next morning I get up and my mother wants me to clean up this mess. I say why should I have to do it? You didn't clean up anything, nor did the musicians. On older man, one of the musicians wakes up and leaves. My mother says if you won't clean up the mess, then just leave and live somewhere else. I say OK, I will. I go to my room to pack. Then I not only don't want to pick up the mess but I'm too tired to pack. I just want someone else (my mother?) to clean up the mess."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3641", 
            "content": "(12/08/99)[\"Teaching my dream program to a research professional.\"] An important man in the dream research field is curious about how my dream program works. He is interested in possibly using it. He's famous in the dream research world, written books and so on. He is young, tall, dark and handsome, like a movie star. He listens carefully, asking good questions as I describe the dreamlinking process. I see the screen and am taking him through it step by step. He gets very excited when I tell him of the dream window and keeping the dreams in storage on the computer. It is going well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3642", 
            "content": "(12/08/99)[\"Voter survey.\"] I am answering questions about how I would vote and what I think about different issues. The surveyors come back 2 times to be concise and thorough. I enjoy talking about this stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3643", 
            "content": "(12/11/99)[\"Meany man messes with writings.\"] A sort of class reunion. A man is mean and suspicious. I am writing and sharing my writings with people. He's trying to mess it up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3644", 
            "content": "(12/11/99)[\"Gold in them thar hills.\"] I go outside. A huge mountain erupts up out of a flat field. I go to it and search for gold. I find veins of gold. Lots of it. Then I open the bottom part of the mountain like I would open a cabinet sliding door. There are frozen packets of gold as well as packets of rocks and crystals. I grab up bunches of the ones with gold and rush back to the house to share my great discovery with the family. I lay the packages on the table as they are gathered there for a meal. I smile and wait. Finally someone perhaps mom sees the packages and realizes it is gold. The family is pleased and excited with my find."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3645", 
            "content": "(12/12/99)[\"The king loves me.\"] The King of the land, who looks a lot like Al Pacino loves me deeply and desperately. He sneaks away from the upper castle to the lower bedchamber. He is my guardian so there is some forbidden sense of our love. We can not resist each other. He embraces me and we kiss passionately, hungrily. We can't get enough of each other. We try to resist, but it is impossible. He must return to the Upper Castle. I wait for his return in the bedchamber. I look out the window up at the Castle. I see windows and wonder if they can see me. I hide under the bedcovers. He returns several times and we kiss and embrace like the world is coming to an end and we hang on to each other. There aren't sexual feelings in the dream, just intense need of connection. A woman comes in to clean the room and make the bed. I must wriggle out of her way and stay hidden. I end up under the bed. Hiding."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3646", 
            "content": "(12/12/99)[\"Going to a conference.\"] I went to California for a conference. I am going to return now and get into my car, a red cute convertible. I say goodbye to some women friends. They leave and I realize I will need help. My purse is in the very backseat on the floor. I can't get the top up by myself and it will get cold and perhaps rainy. I sigh and begin to drive toward the road. I veer to miss a picnic of a family. I then stop the car and decide to be smart about it and try and reorganize things as best I can before traveling down the road. Usually I go and suffer the consequences. I see some food in the glove compartment and start chomping on a head of lettuce. Aunt Bridget pops her head in the window and says Hi. Jerome is around somewhere. They can help me put the top up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3647", 
            "content": "(12/12/99)[\"Studying a boy.\"] I and some other counselors are studying a boy. He needs help. We are in the boy's home to observe. I watch him and he sees quite normal. I don't see a problem. A young woman counselor like Beth of The Interview is there. She is talking with high praise about my reputation as a very good counselor. She hands me some papers with written comments about my work. Now several hours have passed and it is time to leave. I am gathering up my papers. I see a drawer full of apples. I will eat one. I have an orange in with my pile of papers to take with me. Now I am leaving and discover this whole time I was on a river boat, but it is anchored and not moving. It will move soon to go back to it's dock. I'll even miss that little ride. I am disappointed. I would love to take a nice vacation cruise. I see groups of people in Scottish kilts playing bagpipes on the river bank. I need to go now. I have work to do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3648", 
            "content": "(12/14/99)[\"Stow aways.\"] A group of us are trying to stow away on a truck. We are in a huge barn like warehouse. We disguise ourselves as bales of old clothes and put ourselves on the truck. Some man is walking around watching for someone like us. We hope we don't get caught."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3649", 
            "content": "(12/14/99)[\"Trouble presenting my dream program.\"] I am trying to make a presentation of my dream program at an important conference. I am stopped by a guard demanding where my registration is. I search in my purse for the papers. I finally after effort find the envelope and realize I never sent it in. The check for the fee is still there with the form. I hand it all to the guard and he lets me in. I go to a room and am trying to load my dream program on their computer. They have some resident program on the screen already, some scene of buildings and people. I can't get the my dream program window to load up. It is very frustrating. I try a number of different ways. I ask some men who are standing around curious. They want to see my dream program. I ask them to see if we can get another computer or monitor. They try to find one for me, but no luck. I finally figure out how to get the images up on the wall so everyone can see them. But they aren't the right images. More buildings and people, not my dream program. I am frustrated."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3650", 
            "content": "(12/15/99)[\"Al Pacino in drag.\"] Al Pacino works for the police department. He also runs a theft ring. Mostly they steal lipstick and women's clothing. I see him putting on bright red lipstick. He has luscious full lips."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3651", 
            "content": "(12/15/99)[\"Al Pacino and Ellie.\"] I am somewhere, outdoors. Ellie is going to meet Al Pacino. I walk with her across a field looking for him. As we approach where he is, she turns and asks me, if he and I should bond, will it be all right for Charla? Will it hurt her? I feel jealous because she is going to go off with Al and I can't come. I do answer the question though. I say as long as she gives Charla attention and doesn't ignore her, it will be fine."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3652", 
            "content": "(12/15/99)[\"Conference time.\"] I am at a conference. A man tells me everything is free. The meals, snacks, whatever I want. He explains it is free because he had an old high school buddy make the arrangements so we get a special deal. I am helping him shuffle the papers of the accommodations. I notice I shuffle two different piles of papers. I say oops. Shuffling is a great skill, unless you mess up and put different things together. Then you have to take extra time to undo the mistake. He helps me as I tediously go through the pile and pull out the incorrect papers, receipts and so on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3653", 
            "content": "(12/16/99)[\"Mom and Ellie paint.\"] There is a painting of a mountain range, a middle ground and a foreground. I look at another painting my mother did and watch as she accents a circle with darker color so it makes a distinct object like a rock. I look at my painting where there are only vague shapes. Suggestions of the landscape. Ellie begins to paint on my painting. It is taking better shape now. I am learning from the past."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3654", 
            "content": "(12/16/99)[\"Ideas flowing.\"] Lucy and Mirabelle and I are going to see a wonderful exhibit of things from the past. And some art work. We have to walk down a long flight of wooden stairs. We are joking back and forth about the usual inaccessibility problems. I manage to walk it. Now we are in a huge square basement room. All around the edges are exhibits. It seems an unimaginative way to present the memorabilia and art work from the past. There are tour groups going through. Like in the Palace of Versailles. We've apparently missed our group and we walk around the perimeter looking at the groups of old furniture from days gone by. It's kind of uninteresting. Then I see a grouping where the glass vases on glass stalks move I am intrigued because I can see it like a movie director would. As It moves to my eye level I see a round \"eye\" shaped bowl looking right at me. Then as I move up it curls up into a \"eye\" shape looking up at the sky. I think this is really neat and keep moving up and down to see the effect. I find Lucy and Mirabelle and tell them of this neat movie director idea I had. They smile and move on. Lucy asks me what I think of my two plays being shown soon. I smile and say I am going to love that. Two of the pieces I wrote and I acted in one of them (American Woman). It will be fun seeing myself as big as a wall. (up on the giant screen.). Then the three of us sit on a couch and discuss what kind of anal we imaged when we heard a story of this animal. I realize that the name of the animal wasn't revealed and I just assumed it was a porcupine. Mirabelle says she thought it was a raccoon. I am surprised. Then Lucy says it could be a kangaroo. I am trying to be generous and say a raccoon is cute. A kangaroo would be fine. What do you think Mirabelle? She says Lucy, do you really like the kangaroo? Because if you do, I'll go with that. But if it's just Barb wanting the Kangaroo, then I don't. My feelings are a bit hurt by this. I try to joke about me being s second class citizen, like a disabled person. The animal story has something to do with disability issues."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3655", 
            "content": "(12/17/99)[\"Continuing a day dream.\"] The large Frenchman and I go to his house. It is night. We are sexually excited with each other. A warm pleasant feeling. We might make love tonight. He carries me in and we sit, cuddled on the couch. We kiss and slowly the excitement builds. He sweeps me up in his arms and lays me on the floor. We begin to make love when the phone rings. His job duties call. He must leave. He asks me to stay and wait for him to return. H doesn't know how long it will be. I agree. After he leaves, I look around the room very curious about who this mystery man is. I see old fashioned lovely wood furniture. A glass curio cabinet with pretty things in it. I wander around the corner and see a utility room and a kitchen beyond that. I very much want to peek into things but I decide to be honest and don't. I wait many hours. Finally he returns. We love each other. It's going to be wonderful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3656", 
            "content": "(12/17/99)[\"Upset ambulance driver.\"] I am talking to a young man. We are looking at a large expanse of lawn and a curvy dangerous road. I am telling him that the new road will cut across this lawn and be safer and easier to get to the college. Now we both get in my manual chair to go back toward town. We slide off the sidewalk onto a lawn bank. I am wearing white high heels which makes pushing the wheelchair with my feet very hard and painful. We struggle to get the wheelchair back on the sidewalk. He gets out to make it easier. I am now going downhill and call out this is the fun part. I go faster and faster. Then I hit gravel and come to a stop. I get out and we walk toward the town. Now we are in the back of an ambulance racing toward town. We are observing. A woman is supposedly dead and bloody under a sheet. She met with some terrible fatal accident. But I hear breathing. I'm not sure if she is dead or not. We arrive downtown. We get out. I hear a woman say if you want help fixing up the fire house, you have to buy my two mink stoles that are in litigation with my case I'm doing. We agree to do that. I place the two mink stoles on a shelf in the entrance to the fire house. The entrance is blocked by these shelves. A woman who likes the ambulance driver puts a series of yummy breakfast dishes on the other shelves. The driver comes there and sees this. He is angry and upset. His mother had two mink stoles she would have liked to get rid of and now she can't. And someone broke the tradition of the breakfast dishes. He is angry at the woman who likes him. She is trying to convince him to relax and enjoy the breakfast dishes. Sweet rolls and so on. He is in a huff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3657", 
            "content": "(12/19/99)[\"Annoying Howard and the bad gangsters.\"] I am at a school. I am struggling with math and banking and business assignments. I just don't get it. I am lost. The teacher piles on the homework. I feel overwhelmed. I am home now and I must work on all that homework. It could take all night. I sit on the couch and complain about how I don't understand what to do and how hard this is and how much there is to do. I resist beginning. I tell brother Dwight to turn on the news on TV so I can watch while I'm working. He does it. Then Howard comes in. He wants to watch another show and wants to turn the channel. I snap at him, hey, there are 2 TV's in the house. You can watch your show in the kitchen with the other TV. He is surprised and annoyed. Later, he comes on the couch with me and puts his dirty stinky foot, with black smudged socks on right where I am working. I am sort of wedged in a crack between couch pillows. I snap at him again to get his sticky feet out of my way. He is being a real annoyance. I am angry at him. Now some gangsters come in. They are going to kill me by forcing me to swim in a lake. I can't swim. Now it is Roseanne who is being threatened and I am her friend trying to help her escape. She seems unwilling to help herself. She whines that she can't swim and will die and how afraid she is. I am giving her swimming instructions as the gangsters take her to the lake. I tell her she can float for days and outlast them. She doesn't really pay attention. Now we are in the lake and she has some metal breathing apparatus on and I am swimming with her saying, head out of water, breath in, head under water, breath out. See? You can do it. She struggles. We are going to survive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3658", 
            "content": "(12/20/99)[\"Moving.\"] I am moving out of an apartment and have all my things out now. I had a friend like Anastasia's friends take my TV to California with them and bring it back. This out of the way route seemed to be the most convenient way to get it to my new place. Now I am walking down the city street, like MM City, but not. I am getting tired, walking. The way seems much longer than I thought. I realize I haven't yet given notice to the manager and will probably have to pay extra fees. That's OK. I wanted to move. I then come to a city intersection. I see a runaway truck out of control and it is headed toward me. I turn and try to run back down the alley I was walking in. I narrowly escape being hit. Now the truck needs to back up down the alley I am in. I walk as fast as I can and the way is difficult because now there are ditches with loose boards in them and I step carefully in this precarious area. At one point I look back and the truck is backing up really close and I call out. Stop. I'm here. The truck driver sees me and slows up a bit, but I am still forced to move faster than I can safely travel."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3659", 
            "content": "(12/21/99)[\"Weird weather.\"] I am in a bath tub, standing up, time to dry off. Howard, sort of him, but his face is imaginary, stands just outside the tub and hands me a towel. I laughingly kiss him on the cheek. He is smiling. It is completely comfortable and friendly. I look at my left leg. It is very fat. I am surprised because the diet is working. I am concerned. I get out of the tub and dress. The room is very large with hardly any other furniture. Then the walls are moved like sets on a stage. They are rotated to other walls. I look out the window. Lots of rain is falling. I open the door and look out. I see small white moths descending like a locust plague. I am a bit concerned. I go out to try and protect the crops from the moths. They flutter all around and then take off with the wind."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3660", 
            "content": "(12/22/99)[\"Angry gays.\"] I am visiting some friends, possibly Jennifer H. or Dwan with their female partner. I am in the house and looking around. I see a very shiny pretty floor. I look out a window and admire the view of the mountains and trees, fall leaves and so on. I go outside and sit on the porch while Dwan goes to the store for something. It is only around the corner of the house. As I am looking at the lovely mountain scene, I see lots of people. Now lined up single file to leave the area. They are all gay or lesbian. They stand very close to the porch. They are angry at me. One man has a stubby ugly cigar and says I ought to destroy your home. I decide the safest thing to do is to just listen and not get involved by commenting back. He escalates his angry threatening remarks. Others join in. It is a tense moment. I feel shaken by the anger but remain strong and do not respond. (later, I wake up enough to hear a woman's newscast story about a man who hates gays with lots of anger in it.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3661", 
            "content": "(12/24/99)[\"Big bug invasion.\"] A good looking man and I are attracted to each other. I am wearing a bright yellow dress with a skirt that flows and swirls. I prance around with joy and enthusiasm. We are in a cow pasture. The man has a cow. And I look at it startled because it can't seem to stand up right. It must be sick. The man and I approach it to help. It falls over and huge beetle like bugs come out of it's mouth. They might be infectious so I prance around and keep them corralled with my feet so they can be examined. Later I am twirling and dancing around the man."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3662", 
            "content": "(12/24/99)[\"Finances lost.\"] I'm working in an office. My job is to keep track of the money bag and finances. I have lost both the money bag and a financial calculator (which looks just like my TV remote control.). I am searching my desk and the shelves above it. Everything is a mess. Food had been left out and small bugs are all over the place. I find other things that look like the calculator, but it's not the special financial one. Finally I find it. I am so happy and relieved. Then the secretary whose desk I usually put the money bag finds that. I am glad that wasn't my mistake."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3663", 
            "content": "(12/25/99)[\"Future.\"] I am on a work team perhaps military. We have a site to examine. Things to study. We find things from the 27th century. And some earlier centuries. We are documenting what happened in the past. The team works well together. Both men and women. It is a modern space ship interior."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3664", 
            "content": "(12/26/99)[\"Back to work.\"] I am trying to get my forms filled out because I am returning to work at the community college. Bonnie is with me. I have to find a counselor to sign the forms and I have to sign them. I look for where the signatures will go and finally find them. There are two important meetings happening at the same time. A women's organization and an all staff meeting. I am torn as to which one to go to. Then as we enter the auditorium, it was decided by others the all staff was most important and the other meeting was canceled. I see Theodore and ask him to sign my form. He does so."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3665", 
            "content": "(12/27/99)[\"Bathing with Ginny and Ernie.\"] I am in a bathtub, which is very big, maybe two bathtubs side by side. Ginny and I and another woman are in the one tub and Ernie is in the other. Ginny and I have our bras on but otherwise, we are naked. I think about taking off my bra so it won't get wet, but decide it would be too embarrassing. We splash around and talk. Then we get out. Now we are dry and dressed. I am looking for the right papers. Young people Charla's age are around. A 13 year old boy wants to dance with me. He keeps trying to distract me from my searching of the papers to get me to dance. I half heartedly do a few steps with him, but I am still concerned about finding the papers."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3666", 
            "content": "(12/28/99)[\"Social commentary with fun.\"] I am in some building with a group of people. A class or maybe a dormitory area. I am working on a writing project for class. Perhaps I am editing. I show someone how to do it. Then there is a playful sort of skit going on. I watch as a woman plays a seductive flirty woman with this good looking man. I then take over this role. As I am doing it, I make the usual give and take of favors too broad and the director, a man, comes into the area to tell me the woman isn't a prostitute, after all. So I laugh and don't actually solicit money, just car and house and stuff a wife would get. It's a comment on the monetary relationship of sexual relationships."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3667", 
            "content": "(12/29/99)[\"War and airplane crashes.\"] I am in a war. I and a man have captured enemy soldiers. We are seated maybe in a building out in the field. I have a hand gun trained on one of the enemy and the man has a hand gun on the other. It is a long night and we begin to feel sleepy. I am nearly asleep and the enemy slowly moves his hand and rests it near my gun hand. I roust up and say We've got you covered. It's a close call. Later I am outside and looking up in the sky. We are in the hills near LA. Airport. A huge plane covers over the hill and I see the huge underbelly of the plane as it is landing. Another comes over and as I watch it try to land it suddenly jerks around and I know it is going to crash. I watch as it does crash breaking apart and into flames."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3668", 
            "content": "(12/29/99)[\"Hesitant romantic start.\"] I was invited over to a man's house for dinner. I feel shy, maybe he will want a relationship or more specifically, sex. I find him in his garage area behind the house. I walk in. We chat. It is Conrad. He is making a garden. Then he lays me down on the rows to be planted, and kisses me shyly. I kiss back feeling hesitant and unsure if I should. Will I like this? It is too soon and he will want more. But the kisses are sweet. He seems to feel my hesitation and stops kissing and we chat in a friendly manner. Later he excuses himself for a moment. I wait looking around at all the junk and stuff in the garage. Finally I go out to see where he is. He had gone back into the house, where as I walk in, I realize his wife and children live. He gives me a look to indicate that I should be discrete. I feel embarrassed. Later there is another man, perhaps Gaston who is showing me children. They are going to ride in a wagon with seats that are decorated like flowers. I call them the flower children. They are cute."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3669", 
            "content": "(12/29/99)[\"Traveling to a party and computer connections.\"] Dovre is going to a party later. I am walking back down a road to the house to change and then join her on the trip to the party. I decide to not bother and start walking back to where Dovre is. I see my father's VW bug (yellow) on the side of the road and realize there is a toddler little girl in there waiting. The motor is left on, idling. I am concerned and ask the girl to turn off the key. My father shouldn't have left it running. The girl finally does it. Then a friend, perhaps Shannon comes down the road. I realize I had left her behind. I try to make up for it and tell her where we will meet for the party. I have a map. I point to the fossil resort across the state. We get there. Now it is like an Ricardo and friend are going to an important party where venture capitalists may be. I am trying to dress to go there. They burst into the room as I struggle to get my bra and fuzzy sweater on. My breasts are exposed and I duck down behind the bed as we talk. They realize I'd been left behind and want to represent me at the party. I am confused but grateful they will not forget me entirely."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3670", 
            "content": "(12/31/99)[\"Charla goes to Catholic school.\"] Charla and I are in a large gym like classroom. I am visiting because she will be transferring soon to her new school. Charla wants to wear an odd outfit to the new school and is telling the teacher about it. The teacher is trying to gently explain how it is not appropriate. She also wants to walk over there and the teacher doesn't want her to. As we are leaving to go to the new school, Charla says she's glad the teacher agrees with her. I try to explain that in fact the teacher was trying very hard to tell her that she did not agree with her. Charla didn't really hear it and thought I had misunderstood the teacher. I feel frustrated. I think about taking the van there but we end up walking. I wonder if it is too far and will tire me out too much. We get there and we have to find a 2nd floor classroom by noon. It is almost noon now. I find a flight of stairs and see no elevator. I know there must be one around somewhere, but decide to walk up the stairs in search of it. I am frustrated and tired and concerned about being late. We get up there and realize the elevator is on the other flight of stairs and now must walk down the church pews as we are in the church area of this catholic school. As I step from one pew to the next as they are the stairs I notice I am wearing black spiked paten leather high heels. Hard going in those. One of the pews is very deep and I have to hang on and swing down, reaching with my toes for the next pew. We finally get down to the 1st floor. We walk down a hall and find a chair lift down yet another flight of stairs. I am tired, we are late. Frustrated. I see an office area. I ask how to get to the classroom. She says Admin./Registration and points to the office area. We go there. I look in an office door and see a counselors office. The name above the door indicates it is testing office. A very tall, perhaps 8 or 9 feet tall woman is there. I stretch my neck as far as I can to see her. I ask where the Admin./Registration area is. She points to a booth near her. There's the admin. pit she says. I go there and a nice sweet faced grandmotherly type woman comes out. Perhaps a nun, but not in a habit. She looks down at Charla and says well, what a very nice outfit you are wearing. I look and see she is wearing a cap like I wore in the 1st grade or younger. But it has leopard fur (fake) in the inside. It is a cute bonnet like a baby would wear. Her skirt is 1950's like as well. I like the woman she is gentle and kind and accepting of Charla. She welcomes her to her new school."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3671", 
            "content": "(01/01/00)[\"Accepting the dysfunctional man.\"] A man and I are attracted to each other, but he is very emotionally dysfunctional from all his traumatic past. I work with him and help him be more emotionally healthy. We hug and I say to him, \"I'm glad you can visit in and out for the rest of our lives.\" Meaning he and I will have an on again off again relationship as he dips back into dysfunction and pulls back out into healthy relating. That seems to feel fine with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3672", 
            "content": "(01/02/00)[\"Bonnie won't rehearse.\"] I am preparing for a presentation. Bonnie is supposed to play a character in the presentation and Sharon is supposed to get the food ready for the buffet. Both show up together, late. I am trying to explain to Bonnie that she needs to have her lines memorized. She doesn't want to do that. She wants to carry a sheet of paper with them written on it. I explain how that will not be professional and besides it will make the show not as good. She just doesn't' want to do the work involved to do it right. Meanwhile I am trying to show Sharon the map of buildings across the street where she needs to go to get the food for the buffet. It is Paul M.'s deli. She can't seem to get it. I walk with her and am still talking with Bonnie about how much better it would be if she'd rehearse. I find a deli counter at the community college and see Paul R. I ask him where the other deli is and he says why bother, he has everything here. I try and ask him how much and know it would be wiser if I went over to the other deli to comparison shop. But I am tired and decide to just go with what's here. I feel bad about not checking it out. He says how much were you going to spend? I say maybe 200 dollars. He grins and says no problem I can do that. Maybe it will be 250 dollars. I know this is coating me more, but I don't check it out. I then go out into the hall, trying to find an elevator to get other to the next building without having to take the long way around. I can't find it. I stop into an office where a man and a woman are necking and flirting. I interrupt them and ask. They don't know where it is either. I am frustrated because this will make me even more tired."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3673", 
            "content": "(01/02/00)[\"Puzzles and plants for Xmas gifts.\"] I am making Xmas gifts for everyone. It is nearing Xmas and I only have one done and am working on the 2nd one. I am taking a long time to find each piece. Then I notice I have the puzzle mostly done in sections. I lift up one section and it fits in, almost completing the puzzle. I am glad I figured that out. I decide to give my mother a plant I find a brass planter and start searching my plants for one to transplant for her. Most of my plants look wilted or not very decorative. I finally find one that will do. I carry all this into another room. I give one present to a woman. I point out all the characters are individually written up. She is pleased I went to that trouble. It is a piece of long big paper with squares, one for each character (like in dreams, I guess.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3674", 
            "content": "(01/03/00)[\"Friends and business don't mix.\"] Bonnie and I are at work. I am returning to the community college to work. Theodore is there. As I am preparing, Jerome calls me into talk with him. He is very friendly and I am surprised. Then he begins to tell me all about his business on the Net and how some of these would be helpful to me. I realize he is simply trying to sell me something. I am disappointed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3675", 
            "content": "(01/03/00)[\"Am I being prudish?\"] Ginny and Ernie are there. I am seated on a couch. Ginny starts to talk to me. I see Charla to the right. She is completely naked. I am shocked. Ginny is trying to tell me that I am being prudish about this. I say but this isn't right. Charla has sexual abuse issues and you are persuading her to feel comfortable about being sexually vulnerable in public. Ernie comes and sits on the couch by me. He and Ginny are trying to convince me it is my prudish attitude that is at fault here. I am shocked at them for encouraging Charla in this way. I am nose to nose with Ernie. He has a round metal tab on the end of his nose like the Tinman in the Wizard of Oz. He doesn't approve of my attitude. I try and explain that this is exactly what I am trying to minimize in Charla's life, the tendency to dress sexy and attract sexual attention. This is a harmful behavior for Charla, I say. They are obviously in disagreement with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3676", 
            "content": "(01/03/00)[\"Davey the sexy programmer.\"] A woman is playfully reaching under the sheets to feel Davey's naked belly. He is lying in bed. I am watching and feel concerned she will accidentally touch his penis. She is joking around. I feel uncomfortable. Then I feel sexual excitement and masturbate to a quick orgasm."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3677", 
            "content": "(01/05/00)[\"Watching Bill Domhoff dream.\"] I am in a house that doesn't really have walls I remember. Just furniture. It is supposedly my mother's house. Bill Domhoff and some of his graduate students are there. A woman grad student suggests I watch Bill Domhoff as he sleeps to see the REM movement. So Bill gets up from the dining table and goes to a bed near by and lies down and immediately goes to sleep. I lean over his face, which is in profile, to see the eye movement. The grad student is leaning over him on the other side. She says see? I look and the eyes are moving. I observe this three times in quick succession. Then the grad student and I return to the dining table where I see a chart with the three eye movement sessions marked. I notice they are each different. I point that out to the male Freudian bearded man in a black coat. Perhaps a lawyer or scientist. He says each is a representative of different types of dreaming. The first one has two lines that go up and down like a stock market chart. The second one has a single line. The third one happens as I look at the chart. I can feel the complexity and depth of that one as it happens. It is a full dream. The 1st one was a short dream and the second one was a fragment. I look up to see my mother in the kitchen. Cooking. Bill joins us at the table. I suggest we go out and have lunch. He must be hungry after his work. He agrees happily. He is very hungry. I am surprised actually because he just ate breakfast not too long before. I go into the kitchen and ask my mother is she cooking dinner for us? She sighs and says yes of course. Isn't she always? I ignore the guilt trip and say when will the dinner be ready? She says around 5 or 6. I return and tell Bill dinner will be ready by 5 or 6. Just so he'll know what to expect. He says great. He still wants to go out and have lunch. So we all go."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3678", 
            "content": "(01/05/00)[\"Writing down dreams.\"] I am writing frantically, before I forget the dreams. Bill Domhoff is standing near the couch. I want him to explain his dreams to me. But I want to write down the Bill Domhoff dreams before I forget. He waits. He and the grad student are chatting. I try to concentrate on writing the dream. Then I realize I'd already written down this part of the dream and get confused. I'm starting to forget all ready. I have a number of papers and the dark black ink smudges and I forget to label the page numbers. I write part of the dream and run out of space, because another previous dream was on that page. So I'd turn the page over and continue writing. I am aware It will be very confusing to go back and read it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3679", 
            "content": "(01/07/00)[\"Meeting foreign men.\"] A nice fatherly man is helping me figure out how to do things. He will share his E City newspaper with me if I pay half the bill for it. I agree, then forget to bring my copy for him to read, as I had promised. I feel badly I didn't remember. Then I am swimming and enjoying it. Then I am at some gathering and being introduced to three men. Max, from Japan, another one and someone with a very long hard to pronounce name from Russia. I am accurate at naming what country they are from based on their names and appearance. The Russian is a grump. We are standing in front of a square cart where Japanese foods are on it. The fatherly man shows me how to go from one side to the next and get small appetizers. One bright red thing I say looks like cranberry sauce. He smiles and I say Don't tell me! I don't want to know. He agrees it would be best if I didn't know what the food really was. I see ham slices and say oh good. Something I recognize and like. It is important to do things in the custom of the Japanese so I don't offend anyone."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3680", 
            "content": "(01/08/00)[\"Take care of yourself!.\"] I am at some group event, like a conference or retreat. I arrive and my things are very messed up. The children have been into my suitcases. I see my camera out of its case, and papers messed up and so on. I sigh. I try and put things back together. Now the next event is beginning. We are gathering to go down a path near a river. A woman counselor comes over to talk with me. I am distracted with gathering up my things. She challenges me to let go of that task and really pay attention. I acknowledge that that is a good thing to do, but I have trouble doing it. She asks me what I felt when the children had messed up all my things. I (as I continue packing) say I know you want me to get in touch with my feelings and that would be a good thing to do, but I am busy. I am also aware that I am deliberately distracting myself so I don't do the emotional work. Now I am going to walk up a dirt path, uphill. I agree with the counselor that I have options. I can ask for help. I practice calling out. I need help. Then I realize I could have asked someone to come with me and help me, before the problem arose. I walk up the hill, with no help, thinking about things I could have done to have help. The counselor tells me a plane will come to the river and asks if I will be afraid if this happens. I say no, I'd love to take that side trip and be in the plane. But I've got to go now. There's not enough time. She smiles at me. I decide I will examine all the people pictures and this will help me put together the messing up incident better. This will help me understand how I am avoiding feeling my feelings at the moment. But I am interrupted by children wanting to see the pictures, and a man who is getting physically close to me because I am wearing a swimming suit and am looking good in it. He is attracted to me. I am surrounded by all these people distracting me. I gently try to keep the pictures in my possession, but the kids keep picking them up and looking at them. I can't concentrate on what the pictures are showing me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3681", 
            "content": "(01/09/00)[\"Everything needs repair.\"] I am in an apartment. I am looking at the rooms. I see two bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen and a narrow closet like room with a toilet in it. I am telling my mother that I have 2 or 3 of those. It is odd the door is so narrow I can barely squeeze in to use the toilet. My mother gets in fairly easily. The walls are that old bumpy plaster from old houses. In bad condition with bad colors on it. I look in Charla's room and see her bed is missing. I remember she has it in my room as she usually does. Later, I am in the living room. I want to organize and clean. I see piles of things all over each piece of furniture. I am tired of the disorganization. I see some shelves high on a wall but as I look more closely, they are thin old wood boards that won't hold much. I need more space. In the living room, I sigh and say to my mother, I wish this was cleaner. I leave the room and come back in. My mother is seated in a round 1950's kind of chair. She has rearranged all the furniture. I am impressed. It looks like I have more space. There are two dining tables. One rectangular and normal. The other round and black. But the top of it breaks off. Now that needs to be fixed. I see a curtain like a hospital room curtain. I look behind to see what mess might be stashed back there. Not bad. Pretty clean. Now I go to the back door and try to open it to step out on the back porch balcony like things. Some young men are hanging out there talking. The hinges on the bottom half of the dutch door break off. I work at repairing it. It breaks again. The stops I put in the hinge are pink and gooey. I give up, going in, shutting the top part of the door. Then I shut and lock the regular door to keep those young men from coming in."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3682", 
            "content": "(01/10/00)[\"Dwight needs class in sex and love.\"] Ginny and I are at a conference or vacation. We have one more night and day to go in this swank hotel. Ginny decides she's done and wants to go home. She sees no reason to stay the last night and spend so much money. I am frustrated and annoyed because I am enjoying being in this swank hotel. But she really wants to go so I acquiesce. I tell myself I must control my frustration and anger for the sake of the friendship. I choose not to, say anything then. Now we fly home. At Ginny's house, I am aware I forgot to give my used ticket back to the airplane personnel. I want to do things right, so I ask Ellie to take me back to the airport and I will try and fix this mistake. Ernie comes through the room and says he's really proud of Dwight. He's struggling with difficult people in his life (his wife Corinne). He is going to counseling and one of his tasks is to watch a movie on Sex And Love With Difficult People. I'm kind of glad I don't have to watch that movie. It might be racy and embarrassing. I try to be proud of Dwight and respect his courage, because Ernie does. Now Ellie and I are at the airport. I remember leaving a folder of papers here. I look to see if it is still there. I look on the top of a pile of papers on a desk. Not there. Then I see a long table where I had put it. Luckily, it was still there. I pick it up and look for the ticket. I don't find it, but I find a script and a wig that I need to return to Dwight. They are his and I borrowed them. Then I remember I left the ticket in my purse and find it. I feel good and pleased that I managed to fix all my mistakes. I feel good about myself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3683", 
            "content": "(01/13/00)[\"Dwight overworked.\"] I am cleaning up stuff, organizing the outside of my house. There is a large pile of firewood in the front of this house. I decide to ask Dwight to help me move the firewood to the side or back of the house. I also want to buy some steel pipes and have Dwight stack them as well. Dwight complains to me that I am expecting him to work and do these things for me without even asking. He feels used. I had never even thought of that as a problem."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3684", 
            "content": "(01/13/00)[\"Magic children.\"] I see an image of individual children up in the sky like a picture of a constellation. They are colorful and are placed to form a picture of what I am not sure. Moon, stars, something magic. I look at it, feeling happy to see it. It is a full circle filled inside with the children in different positions. The children are all standing but the direction of the image is different."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3685", 
            "content": "(01/14/00)[\"Will I or won't I?\"] I am at some festival. There is a platform with a roof but only one wall. It is where lots of people are sleeping, in sleeping bags and blankets. No furniture. I am curled up with a bunch of people. There are lots of us. We wake up. It is morning. Lots of people get up and leave. I am still sleepy. Others move away to give more room. I am all alone now at my spot against the end wall. I am lazy, enjoying the sleepy time. I roll over and lay on my tummy. My feet facing the wall. On my left, a lovely dark skinned man comes over. He is attracted to me. I notice I am bare breasted. Wearing only a short pair of cutoffs. I look sexy. He comes over and looks. I am aware he is attracted. I like that and I am concerned. I don't know if I want him or not. He is good looking, but I hesitate. I roll over on my back, exposing myself to him. I curl my arms over my breasts shyly. He comes closer and slowly kisses me. I like it, but I still hesitate. I don't kiss him back much. I think well now he will probably go away since I didn't respond well. He stays. He kisses me again and then I begin to be sexually warm and excited. Then another man, a white man comes over. He also is attracted to me. Which one shall I choose? I am unsure. It feels nice to be so good looking and to have these men attracted to me. Because I can't decide, I move away from the one dark skinned man, whose skin is now only lightly tan. I decide to get up and see the festival. I put on a white sexy halter top with the cutoffs. I am looking good. I walk leisurely out to the festival. This is fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3686", 
            "content": "(01/14/00)[\"Anastasia my roommate.\"] I am seated on a long bench/couch the blue and white patterned fabric is the same as the carpet. This is supposedly Anastasia's house. I am visiting. But something happens about my daughter Ellie and suddenly it is decided that I shall be living here with Anastasia as my roommate. I am surprised. I look around the big room and realize this feels just fine to be here."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3687", 
            "content": "(01/15/00)[\"Loving solitude.\"] I am in a store where candles and pretty glass things are sold. I am maybe 30 something and good looking. Healthy. I am wearing cutoffs and a short top. I have decided to live my life as a wanderer without possessions. To travel light. I have a small light guitar to carry strapped on my back, like a minstrel. I look at the neck of the guitar and notice the large wide neck. I try and will it more narrow so my hands can manage it. I go outside it is the beach. I lie own on my tummy in the sand. Enjoying the lovely day. A good looking man comes over and sits with me and we talk about writing. I decide to show him how I do it. So he and two children walk toward my new house which is built in a secluded part of the beach far away from other people. as we walk, the beach trail/road is covered with vegetation and we keep walking through it. Then the sandy road is visible again. Now we are in a car, sort of 1950's sedan. I drive. We arrive at the house and I pull up in front of the double garage to the left of the large spacious log house. Dark rich woods. We get out and I go into the garage where all the animals I help heal up are there. Lots of baby pigs pink and cute, and black and white spotted are there, in hay nests in a row. A baby chick is there. I pet it. The children love being with the animals. The black and white one limps badly from his old wounds I healed him up from. So they have residue problems from their health problems. They are happy and free of pain here with me/. I take the man and the children around to the front of the house the porch is long and wide, a wonderful place to sit and think. I go into the living room where the room is filled with furniture wonderful old fashioned overstuffed couches 3 of them and round oak tables dining tables like Grandma Maude's stuff. 3 or 4 of them. Now I go into another room light and airy and show the man about my writing and music."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3688", 
            "content": "(01/16/00)[\"Setting limits arbitrarily.\"] I am at some indoor place where Paulina/Charla was at school. She is happy with her male teacher. She wants to stay and continue doing things and talking with him because he is so supportive. I want to go home and I decide arbitrarily that I need to set boundaries and deadlines with her. I insist she finish what she is doing and pack up so we can go home. She argues and wants to stay. I insist, aware that there is real reason to go home now. Just that I decided to do this. She finally gets ready and we begin to leave. The performances are just now beginning and we will miss them. I insist anyway. We go to the edge of this indoor water channel. Across it is a performance beginning. We pause to watch it. It is a special effects extravaganza with fireworks and odd creatures dancing out a run way toward the water. A black and white zebra striped animal. Rolls around in dance sequences. Too bad we are going to miss the shows but I have already decided to go home, and by God, that's what we will do. We slip into the glacier blue, warm and very calm water. We silently swim through this smooth water. All is silent. We swim to the next door which is our home."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3689", 
            "content": "(01/16/00)[\"Dad shows me beautiful sunsets.\"] my father shows me some different very beautiful sunsets scenes for me to chose from. I see one with an aircraft carrier against an orange sky. The carrier is in silhouette. It is very pretty. Maybe that will soothe me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3690", 
            "content": "(01/17/00)[\"Patricia the great hostess.\"] Patricia had invited me to spend the weekend at her house. She comes to the airport to pick me up. then drives me to her house. We go in and she is talking about her hostess skills. She says she is like a surgeon, skilled in her craft of presenting music and opera and so on. She brings me an example of her special meals she prepares for occasions she is hosting. She shows me a plate with three hot-dogs spread out like a fanfare of three trumpets. A guest would put their lips up to the edge of a plate where the three hot-dogs touched and kiss it. Then the guest, (a child) would look like a heralding angel. We walk down a spacious hall toward the sitting room. Before we enter, she shows me another plate where the hot-dogs are now a kitten grown and trained to have short bowed legs. The kitten has a biscuit coat baked on so it is shaped like a hot-dog. We are expected to eat this kitten. I feel unsure of doing this. Patricia is quite proud of her special skills as a hostess."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3691", 
            "content": "(01/17/00)[\"Relax and sleep.\"] I have a job to do, something about dreams and computers. Maybe my dream program. I walk into the area or gym like room where Steve B. is already starting the work meeting with the other guys. I sit quite tired on his right, He is in a chair and I am sitting on the ramp I was walking on as though I had just sunk down to the floor from sleepiness. My head is near his hand and he moves it to cradle my head. Then I snuggle in a bit and he strokes my back in a strong and gentle comforting way. He is strong and hairy, but gentle and wants to help me be relaxed and get my sleep. I relax into that even though I hear the men talking and I want to do my teaching part as I am supposed to for my job. But it feels good to be cared for this way and relax. I see Charla and ask her if the director had talked to her about what lines to work on and is she doing that? She says yes. It's all worked out. I don't have to worry about it. Steve continues to pet me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3692", 
            "content": "(01/18/00)[\"Not doing a good job.\"] I am at a committee meeting at a long table. I listen to the talk. The meeting dismisses and I am glad. I shake my head and say what a waste of time, all that talk and no action. Now we are going on a tour to see how things are going. I am in some building. I am talking with a woman who runs the committee. I am showing her the outfits and dresses I have been given to wear in the diplomatic parts of the job. She says they are out of date. I've had them for years. I explain some of them were given me by the original leaders of the committee. Antiques. I see a family pose of the king of this country which is like India. He is a very short man. He has left his wife for his girlfriend, and then she left him. I see the two of them walking. Dark sleek hair, traditional Indian dress. I am amazed how short they both are. The woman who runs the committee comes over to me. I am holding the Indian dress I might wear. She is disappointed in me. I am only doing minimal work. I am not helping the committee, but just riding along. She wants me to do a better job. I feel defensive. I thought I did an OK job."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3693", 
            "content": "(01/21/00)[\"Bathing with Ginny.\"] There are a series of warm comfortable baths. A small bathroom in supposedly Ginny's house. The tub is an old fashioned one up on legs. A small sink to it's right and a toilet near the door. The configuration is just like in the Mac house bathroom. Between baths, I am on the toilet and pee. Later as I get back into the bathtub, I notice I forgot to flush. I feel a bit embarrassed about that, but not too much. Ginny comes in naked from her bath and asks if its all right if she plays a favorite recording of hers. I say great. She puts an LP album in the sink, which still has some water in it. That is the record player. I sit in the tub which is finishing draining from Ginny's daughters bath. The water is a dark bile green. Then I put a plug in the tub to fill up fresh water for my next bath. Ginny's son comes in for his bath. Apparently there are two bathtubs. Ginny asks me if I am embarrassed by being naked and other people being there. I say no problem. It is all very friendly and comfortable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3694", 
            "content": "(01/22/00)[\"Audience so far away.\"] I am giving a lecture to a university audience in Australia (down under). It is outdoors and I am standing on a high cliff to speak. The audience is far below. I actually only see small painted academic people in bleachers. The live audience is in the front rows and they are the children of this elementary school. I can't really see them they are so far away. I pace on the grassy verge of the cliff and keep walking over to the edge so I can get closer. I am talking warmly and passionately about good ways to reach and teach young children. I am frustrated with this long drop off and distance. I stand right on the rocky edge and peer over as I speak, but then I am afraid I will fall over. I walk back on the grass, away from the edge. Finally the speech is over and it is time for the reception. I eagerly go inside the building to the room, my hotel room. A woman in a business suit comes in and I shake her hand. I am happy to meet the people I just spoke to. Many men come in. Now the room is crowded. I am conscious of using my best power hand shake and am smiling because It is fun to receive the complements and gifts. Each person brings a gift, mostly books. I like the books. Lovely hard backs on subjects of interest, mostly psychology and Zen and stuff like that. I open a package and find a plastic wrapped set of scrolled bamboo and cloth material. I exclaim at the lovely colors, copper scrolled bamboo mat and dark blue and copper design on the cloth . The Asian woman is so happy I like her gift. Now a man from Australia leans near me. He brought a book to me also. He is attracted warmly to me. I am writing down each person's name and address as I receive the gifts. I make a small mistake and write his name on one line and his address on another one that s slightly off, down one. He really wants me to mark it so I know that the address is attached to the name. I draw a box around them to link them together. He is happy. I ask again about the numbers. I see some numbers there already and he asks what they are. I say it is a shadow of some one else's numbers and mark it out. We are sexually attracted. Now the scene is the next morning and I watch as these two are dressing after having had sex last night. She has a red mark on her breast, like a spider bite. (Like Anastasia's on her forehead.) She says oh dear, I don't remember if we used protection last night. He is concerned as she is. They neither can remember. She says well, we'll just hope one or both of us used something. He insists that if she is pregnant he must be told. She says I will test myself by observing if I feel pregnant. Then I will have an abortion, of course. He is upset. He wants some say in this. She says you don't actually think I want to have your baby?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3695", 
            "content": "(01/26/00)[\"Teaching Jeanne Marie to survive.\"] Jeanne Marie is setting up a tent because she needs to survive in sub zero temperatures. She plans to camp out in the arctic regions. We sit in the tent and I explain to her that some of the walls she has put up do not completely cover the area. There are large gaps when the wind and cold will come through. As she is blind, I try and describe to her where she needs more protection. Mostly, the tent is inadequate to protect her. She will not survive if she doesn't have better equipment."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3696", 
            "content": "(01/26/00)[\"Trying to teach.\"] I am in a large room where some presentations will be occurring. I will be part of the teaching team, but I am not prepared. Charla and I are trying to locate and organize my notes. It is a very small audience, at one point it looks like maybe there are only participants, no audience. What is the point then of doing the presentation? I am looking for my notes, wishing I had prepared better. I am teaching counseling or communication."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3697", 
            "content": "(01/26/00)[\"House on fire save the writing.\"] I live in a 2 story house on the corner. My neighbor house on the left is like Lucy's rental house. It is on fire. Raging, engulfed in flames. I run out of my house and go over yelling fire. I see Reva in there and call to her. She runs out. I ask her if her child and husband are all right. She says yes. I look up at the roof of my house and see sparks and glowing red. Fire, I run and get the hose and try to wet down the roof. I am worried about my writings and manuscripts and my photos. I yell to a neighbor to call the fire department. The flames get worse. I see my bedroom upstairs going up in flames. My writings I run back around the front. Finally a fire truck comes. They are slow. The first one is working on the other house. A second one comes. They go upstairs and start on the fire. I will it to not be the bedroom with my manuscripts but the center bathroom. I run in and say to the fireman is it all right if I get some photos and book from the downstairs room? He says OK I yell at someone, a woman friend to help me. I step in as the front wall isn't there now and pick up photos of me and my kids and they are discolored from the smoke and fire damage. Piles of them laying out on the furniture. I say one copy of a book manuscript and a few other writings. The house is totally destroyed. I say to someone as I am back outside I only have the clothes on my back but at least I saved my most important writings. I am happy with that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3698", 
            "content": "(01/26/00)[\"Purified water.\"] I travel to my parents' new house, out in the country. It's another family reunion. I walk through the house to see the new remodel they did. First I look outside and see several small fuzzy ponies being ridden by some kids and a young couple. The girl is sitting on the shoulders of the man. Then I turn and go into the new kitchen room. It is huge, square and has many cabinets and cupboards. I see a small warming stove and coffee brewing station. I say hey, she finally created the thing she's wanted for so long. There are several dishwashers, including the original one in the original kitchen next to this new kitchen. Two male cousins are there and we talk about the special purified water they drink for good health. I open a file folder I'd had for years and pull out some packets of water in pouches in brochures. Old ones the cousin gave me years ago One cousin and I decide to go for a bike ride and he gives me a plastic device I can suck the water out of as we ride We go up a tree with the bike and over the country side. The water is the main topic of conversation. It is really a healthy habit to have. The cousin talks about water guru he's studied with."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3699", 
            "content": "(01/27/00)[\"Paralyzed man and I go out.\"] I am at a house where a paralyzed man and his spouse live. He and I are going to spend the day together. I am getting dressed so we can go out. He leaves the room and I realize I can't find my bra. I put on a pillowcase like a tank top. It covers my breasts. My midriff shows. I also wear a short skirt. At first I think the day is ruined. We can't go out with me half dressed. Then I look at myself and see I am decently covered and it looks kind of sexy. I am slim and young. I open a drawer, looking for a pin. I find a thumb tack which I think I will use to hold the top on, then decide I am fine the way I am. The paralyzed man is a silent type that doesn't talk much. I guess we can go out after all. I then need to take a pill and can't find it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3700", 
            "content": "(01/27/00)[\"Going on a date.\"] George and Mrs. Bush are in a house. I am their teen daughter. George opens the refrigerator and pulls out a platter of turkey meat and hands it to Mrs. Bush. They are rearranging the large freezer, with the glass door like a flower display cabinet. There are two children running around and George says he can get them to eat some of the picnic food. He is jovial and fun and the kids like him. They do eat some nutritious food. Now a young teen boy is at the table and George gives me permission to go out on a date with him. As we are walking out the door, we pass some framed pictures on the wall George notices that one of the frames should have been changed to a framed version (like a web site page) The children should have done that. Now he is pulling out foods from the refrige like a magician doing tricks, I know the trick, but indulgently watch to make him happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3701", 
            "content": "(01/28/00)[\"Miracle meds.\"] I am starting back to work at the community college. I want to see an early morning workshop being presented on a miracle drug just coming out on the market. I wheelchair in. It is very crowded with many people older and disabled also interested in this topic. The pain is bad and I feel desperate. Someone is writing stock market information on the board. At first I think I'm in the wrong workshop. Then a small deformed midget in a wheelchair takes over as speaker. He does a number of circus tricks to get our attention. He has a fire hose all wrapped up on a roll and runs in front of it. It hits him in the butt and everyone laughs. Then he plugs it into the fire plug in and squirts the audience. He is talking a rapid salesman pitch. I hear the words prednisone and Risperdal. Now the presentation is over. I call him over and say I have to speak to him privately. He says go take the stairs and come on down to the floor and we'll talk. I need the meds NOW. I look for an elevator but there isn't one. I walk painfully down the stairs. I wonder how he does it with his wheelchair. I walk out of breath and in pain from chair to chair until I get to the circus sawdust floor area and the bleachers. I sit. He comes in and we talk. I tell him I need the meds now even though they are experimental and could cause problems for me. He says they are going through trials now. I comment on how terrible it is that the community college still hasn't got an elevator to the basement."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3702", 
            "content": "(01/28/00)[\"Do the dreamwork NOW.\"] I am packing to go somewhere for the weekend. Finally after all this time the dreams are ready for me to explore. I am excited. I pick up a box that has Benzonate cap and gravel looking pills. These could help my pain. I can't wait to get started on the dream work. It will help ease the pain."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3703", 
            "content": "(01/28/00)[\"Dead body in the river.\"] The beds for Charla and me are being remodeled. She's been sleeping on the dusty floor. And I had to be next to her area of homemade wood slats and a mattress. Now the new beds are made and I sleep in her new bed. This seems kind of selfish and I think oh well, she is used to the uncomfortable floor anyway. Then a man is in the room and he and I are making love. Charla is gone. We are trying different positions and then he puts himself in a position where his back is on me so I don't get any pleasure but his penis is up and ready to be stroked or licked. I complain this isn't fun for me and we quit. I feel frustrated. Then a woman comes in and demands to know where the body is. I feel caught realizing I'd thrown the dead body out the window into the river. Now I must escape out the window> I end up in a bed like barge on the river and the current is increasing. potential danger of rapids. I see a crowd of people and we must somehow avoid them. I feel the ironic justice of being on the river, the same river I cast the dead body."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3704", 
            "content": "(01/29/00)[\"Aliens destroying the spaceship.\"] Captain Janeway is in a large room which is a part of the spaceship. Chacotay is there as well. He gets frustrated at something and throws a ceramic planter against a wall. It smashes. Janeway stands up and looks at him as I to commiserate with his frustration. But he needs to get it together now. The coffee break is almost over. She then pulls out a pack of cigs and lights one. She remembers she is inside and steps out the door to the city sidewalk and smokes the cig. She looks at her watch and realizes it is 11:05, five minutes late. She throws the cig down and begins to go back in. Then she realizes she can't leave a burning cig out there and steps on it. She rescues her last remaining unlit cig from the crumpled pack and walks back in. Now she becomes aware that there are nearly invisible aliens in there and they are making holes in the walls and ceilings. Plaster crumbles from the ceiling exposing a hole. A hole develops in the fireplace backwall. This is serious damage. Then she looks outside and two tall buildings, one a city skyscraper and the other the spaceship are being melded together. Tall giant aliens that look like people are walking around the area. They are destroying the spaceship."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3705", 
            "content": "(01/29/00)[\"Finding the incest perpetrator.\"] A family has brought me the information or their story about an incest situation. I reconstruct the story and present it. I tell the audience that the incest part is my interpretation, not what the family brought me. I now hide in a closet waiting. The man who I suspect is the perpetrator comes in and begins to talk, a sort of confession. One of the family members locks something and he hears the lock shutting. He stops talking before he has incriminated himself. He knows now I am after him. I might be in danger. Now there is several contraptions, one a sort of hydraulic lift made of a white porcelain like material. The other is like a small bathtub. It has a leak in it from a hole in the bottom. The lift isn't working right. The tub is damaged. I might be in danger."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3706", 
            "content": "(01/30/00)[\"Saved from the monster.\"] I am camping with Dovre. We find a spot and leave the vehicle and walk to another spot. Tall beautiful trees. We are waiting for my parents to join us. A man comes by and shows us a cute squirrel in a tree. He feeds them. He asks to borrow my nightshirt I am wearing. I let him have it and also take off my underpants. Then I feel exposed and ask Dovre to go to the other camp and bring my jeans. She doesn't want to go so she gives me a spare jeans and shirt of hers. I realize later that saved my life because my night shirt was given to a monster who came looking for my scent and would have eaten me if I'd worn my own clothes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3707", 
            "content": "(01/30/00)[\"Loving the rock star.\"] Dovre and I are across the street from a rock concert. The lead singer sees me and walks over to me, still singing. We sit together lovingly, cuddling. Then he walks back on stage and finishes the song. After the concert, he comes out looking for me. He is a silent man who loves me and is attracted. I enjoy him also. We need to stand close and touch. We kiss. The kiss is a bit closed and uncomfortable, but the sexual anticipation is building. He leans against me as we are up against a wall. It is wildly sexual now. Feels hot and passionate. Dovre is a bit jealous that she is the younger woman and is being ignored and then she sees it makes me happy and feels fine about it. Now I am in a shower and feeling the sensual pleasure of it. He peeks in and I say to him, get naked and come here. He does and we make wild love. Orgasm. It was great."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3708", 
            "content": "(01/31/00)[\"Touring.\"] I am on a tour. We are being taken to a farm house that has been renovated historically. We are traveling in little carts pulled by cute warthogs. They talk and like their master very much. We go inside the farm house. Fresh blue paint. Large kitchen. Pork and beans in the trash container by the sink that the employees ate for lunch. I comment on how very like the V. house in A City this is in shape and placement of rooms. We walk through the rooms looking at the historical furniture. Then we go outside again. The warthogs take us back to the main area. The tour is over. We go into a tiny cabin near the master's main area. The warthog tells us this is the \"Miss.\" That means the mistress of the master. She is a cheerful woman, an excellent hostess. We whisper about the scandal of having one's mistress located so close and open. The warthog is tired and wants to go home now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3709", 
            "content": "(02/01/00)[\"Healing foot.\"] Dr. Smythe is busy and I ask her to take a moment and look at my injured left foot. I stick it up so she can see. I see lots of loose skin like cooked chicken skin around the edges of a pink healing area and a small healing spot closing up. She says it looks pretty good and healthy now. I am concerned about the loose skin around the edges. It is on the left side of my foot, near the ankle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3710", 
            "content": "(02/01/00)[\"Killer woman after me.\"] I and another woman are on the side of the road. A highway. We sense the presence of a killer woman who wants us dead. The other woman quickly gets into the car and drives away to safety. I look around for escape and see a toy car. I stand on it with my right foot, I try to get my left foot on it too but that foot won't cooperate. So I use the big toe of my right foot to push the toggle switch which drives the tiny car. As we are racing down the highway, I see the killer woman is closing in on me. She 's going to run me down and squish me. I dart over the edge and into the grassy verge and hide. She races over me,. I narrowly miss being killed. Now I turn the car and race across the farm fields. Past farm buildings. Then I am in the seedy part of a small town, a maze of black dark streets and alleys. The woman is close behind me. I am in fear of my life."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3711", 
            "content": "(02/03/00)[\"Refusing the love of a married man.\"] Jack Lemmon, in perhaps his 40's or 50's comes into the room. He is attracted to me and wants to have an affair. He sits in a wingback chair and invites me to sit with him. I do, laying my head on his shoulder and cuddling. He asks me to have an affair with him and I say no. He says is it because I am married to my seventh wife? I say, it is because you are married. It's not right. He sighs as he knows this is true and he loves me and wants me. I feel sad because I want him too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3712", 
            "content": "(02/03/00)[\"Reading about movie stars.\"] Now Jack Lemmon is standing on the edge of the lawn, looking at me as I lie on the grass examining an odd magazine I bought. It is like a comforter quilt with slits in it. I reach my hand into the slit and pull out a magazine to read. Some of them are about movie stars. I see an article about Whoopie Goldberg. I also read an article about Katherine Hepburn making another film and how they are betting she lives long enough to finish it as she is over 90 years old. There is a buffet laid out on a table and I go over and examine the foods. I notice I can eat some of them on my diet, but I see pasta salads and things I can't eat. I choose not to eat anything."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3713", 
            "content": "(02/05/00)[\"Swimming in the river pool.\"] I am traveling down a long series of halls, apparently in a school, like a university. I am going to the underground swimming pool where the water is actually a river. I see there are hardly any posters or decorations on these walls. I see to the right deep green water reflecting from the river. Then I enter the swimming pool area. It is huge and square. It's time to do laps. The male coach is watching. I get in the water and swim long strong strokes. At first I am holding my arms in a bit, not doing the strokes full strength or in the right position. Then I get stronger and the strokes longer and more correctly positioned. I swim up the long right side, turn the corner and swim across the top and so on, swimming in a square, along the edges of the pool. The coach is impressed with my prowess. I feel strong and capable. It's like swimming in circles in a square. Or swimming a square circle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3714", 
            "content": "(02/06/00)[\"My dream program isn't ready.\"] I am working on my usual DreamLinking, outside on the lawn, and realize that it is nearly time to make a presentation for the high school students. I quickly try to pack up the laptop, the modem, the printer to carry with me. I realize that I should have spent more time in making the presentation simple and easy to follow and use. I get to the high school. They are hurriedly moving things out of the way so I can use the room. I am trying to set up the equipment as the students are sitting there waiting for me. I ask them to move the projection screen to the side so I can see the projected screen from my dream program on the blackboard. After trying to get things organized, I am told I need to move the class to another room. So (I pack it up and we walk down the hall. A man says there's a problem. All the stuff we packed away for her to be able to use the other room is now on the ramp. I then see a dark narrow staircase going steeply down. I have to walk down these crowded stairs."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3715", 
            "content": "(02/07/00)[\"The poisonous head.\"] I am in a small square cabin, one room. A woman is dangerous. She has a severed head which if shaken around someone will poison them and they will die. The head is blackened and ugly and scary. I feel fear because she is trying to shake the poison onto me. I manage to avoid her and force her out of the cabin. Then I shake the head at her watching drops of poison fall off the head onto her. Then I throw the head at her and slam the door shut. I struggle frantically to lock the front door. I succeed. Then I run to the back door and struggle to lock it. Two locks. Then I check a window lock. It is locked. I feel afraid."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3716", 
            "content": "(02/07/00)[\"Charla doesn't like my nagging.\"] I am at a neighbor's yard, looking at the garage sale items. I see several single beds I consider. Then I find a trellis with a pretty plant growing on it. I buy that and go down the street to my house. I hang it up on a wall of a garage there. It slips and falls, catching on a rough spot on the wall. It's OK there. Then I see Charla has broken the plant up into small pieces. I wonder if the plant will die that way. The purple blossoms are pretty. I am sad they may die. Then I ask Charla to go to the store with me so we can have a chance to talk. She doesn't want to go. I am annoyed, saying fine, then I'll go myself. I walk down the street, coming to a steep downhill with snow on it. I skid to a stop and back up, just in time to avoid sliding down the hill. I turn left and walk up that street. I can't find where I want to go and don't really know what street I am on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3717", 
            "content": "(02/08/00)[\"Dreams conference at the Caribbean islands.\"] Ginny and I are going to a dreams conference on an Caribbean island. She is pushing me in a manual wheelchair. There are lots of workshops and I am going to them to enjoy the information. On our way back into the hotel, we stop at a shower room to take a shower. I walk up five steps and enter. The room is huge. There are maybe 2 or 3 shower heads in a large circle. I sit on a chair waiting for my turn. Another woman finishes her shower and I see Ginny has gone in search of towels. I then see a set of small brown towels on a rack near the shower head. I take the shower. It is warm and peasant. Ginny returns. We are going to the next event. Maybe dinner."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3718", 
            "content": "(02/08/00)[\"Tropical islands.\"] I am on a tropical island. With a group of people. The white people have taken over the lands from the natives. They built huts and buildings. I feel badly for the natives. I decide to be on their side. There is some danger to me for going against the norm."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3719", 
            "content": "(02/09/00)[\"Grandma Anne loving and giving.\"] I am in a house, talking with Grandma Anne. As we chat, she brushes her long thick grey hair. I remember the time she asked me to put her hair in pincurls and I felt so uncomfortable. I wish now to brush her hair as we talk. She is loving and wants to know how I'm doing. She gives me an antique dress, with an elastic waistband. It is long, white and pretty, with ribbons on it. I try to figure out how many years old it is. Over 50. I think the dress will be too small for me, but it does fit well. I look good in it. We spend hours talking about family and old times. I really appreciate this information and the openness of her. Then a man with a broad face comes in. She introduces him to me. We sit at the table chatting. I think Grandma is trying to set us up as a couple. We chat pleasantly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3720", 
            "content": "(02/09/00)[\"Exhausted, slept through class.\"] Celeste is teaching a class in the morning. I wake up in time to go. Then I fall asleep again because I am so exhausted. I wake up again and am dismayed and surprised I slept through the class and it is 1pm now. Celeste returns. I feel embarrassed. I am also anxious because this has been several weeks that I haven't attended the classes. I decide I don't really want those classes and decide to drop out of the classes. Celeste is friendly and helpful. She has good strong energy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3721", 
            "content": "(02/09/00)[\"Dora misses me and I miss her.\"] I am visiting my parents in M City. I am sitting in a black leather recliner chair watching TV. I am feeling very tired and sleepy. I'd been there for a day already. Dora comes in. I am very happy to see her. She says I've really missed you. I say me too. Dora suggests we spend a day together. I agree. I suggest Thursday. That means I would leave the next day Wednesday, for home (MM City) and have time to rest up before Thursday. I ask Dora if she lives in A City now. She says yes. Great, I say. She shows me photos and I have trouble guessing which one is Alan. Two or three look like him. She agrees that this one cousin named Frank looks a lot like him. Dora misses Willie very much. That's part of what we will talk about. She feels sad and needs a friend to talk with. I look forward to our meeting. I've missed her a lot. I am glad we are getting together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3722", 
            "content": "(02/10/00)[\"Looking good!!\"] I am in a crowded school room. I have piles of photos I have taken. I am going through them and organizing them. It's fun to find my art photos and look at them. There is a young man near me who is attracted to me. I find a box with sweaters and tops in it. I see them and think they are too small for me. I put one on and discover I look sexy and thin. I am pleased. Now I am trying to leave the building. I weave through the crowd of students. Another man is attracted to me and follows me. I stop to wash my legs, one at a time, I am wearing a mini skirt, possibly leather, and boots. It looks sexy and it intrigues the man. Now I am carrying some photos of mine and a baby. The man is questioning me. Whose baby is that? I want him I don't answer him. I seem to be hanging on to the mystery as it makes him more interested. I walk to a small house which is the day care center. I ring the doorbell. An oddly shaped doorknob which is almost like a tiny stick starts elongating. I know the door is being answered. It opens. I hand the baby to the young woman and say its name Bobby Baker. It is the baby of a friend of mine. Now I leave. The man following, he's very excited about knowing more about me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3723", 
            "content": "(02/11/00)[\"Stock market crashes.\"] I am in a room. The stock market has crashed. People are financially ruined. It so happens I didn't do stocks, so I have cash and I decide to buy stocks while they are very cheap and make a fortune. Then I am trying to wash some clothes in a small washing machine. I can't get the side door to shut correctly. The water I am pouring into the machine starts to slop out as I run the machine. The machine falls over and breaks open. I pick it up and fix it. Finally it is working correctly. Now I am showing a book I wrote to a man who is showing me his book he wrote. I think his is about music."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3724", 
            "content": "(02/12/00)[\"V. house remodeled.\"] I am in a house that seems to be a remodeled and enlarged version of the V. house in A City. I think Susie owns the house. I go into the bathroom and comment that the toilet has been moved and shelves added but it is the same configuration as the original. I look in a mirror and am startled that I don't see me. I see Susie's reflection. Only it doesn't look like her either. Dark short hair, greenish blue eyes. I see this reflection several different places and am confused as to why this is my reflection. Now I go from room to room looking at the changes. Now I think the house is Aunt Millie's. The rooms are light, large and airy. Book lined walls. I go outside and come toward the house down the dirt driveway. On the right I see expansive fields, well cultivated and a row of filbert trees along the driveway. They are in bloom. This is what's left of the filbert orchard. I see the front of the house and a long wing expanding from it. I walk along the edge of the wing exclaiming on the lovely patterns in the stone wall. I see large windows and bookshelves behind glass. Old antique books, lovely to look at. At the end of the wing I even see bookshelves with books on it outside. I say they must be old unwanted books if they are left out in the weather. I am very impressed with Millie's remodeling of the old house."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3725", 
            "content": "(02/12/00)[\"Helping man dies attempting to save the other.\"] I am watching a woman (me) painting the wall an off white color. All the pictures, many of them, just like my photos are on my bedroom wall, are still up and she is painting between and around them. I think that's stupid. She will regret it later. Then she starts on the next wall and I see a mirror with a reflection of her previous room she painted. I see her husband also there painting, but she had allowed him to sleep in even though she herself is very tired. Three rooms are done like that. She notices she accidentally painted on hardwood windowsills. She decides to wipe it off before it ruins the natural look of the wood. She tries to hide the paint covered paper towel she used to wipe it off so her husband won't be upset with her. Then she sits, tired and he comes to her and tells her to finish. She says she needs a smaller brush for the trim. He shrugs and says go get one at the corner market. She doesn't want to. She doesn't answer as her attention is caught by a man standing on the edge of a roof across the way. She sees him through the window. Then she sees to of them. One is trying to kill himself by jumping, the other one is trying to save him by catching his arm and holding on to him. Several times the man jumps and the other catches him, each time it is scary and she gasps. She is irresistibly drawn to the window to see the whole thing. She wonders why, as she would hate to actually see him splatter on the ground and die. On the third jump, the second man loses his grip and the other man falls to his death. The woman gasps, turns away and cries deeply at the tragedy. Because as the one man jumped to his death, it caught the other man off guard and he too fell to his death. It is ironic and tragic. She cries and cries."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3726", 
            "content": "(02/13/00)[\"Student cries rape.\"] I am a teacher in a middle school. My class is large and noisy. Another woman teacher left her class and is sitting in on mine, for the fun of it. I am trying to figure out what lessons I am supposed to be teaching. English, possibly Math. It is not very organized but OK. Now the next class comes in. A much smaller class. All girls. I check my lesson plans. Looks like English lessons. The work \"is\" is being examined. I try to call them to order. The woman teacher is as noisy and disruptive as the girls. I call her to order and she smiles and quiets down. Now I ask one of the girls to do a speech. I decide this is speech class. She can't think of anything to talk about. I suggest she wait and let it come. Well, suddenly she begins to sob and tell us the story of her rape. She is a black girl now. I feel great sympathy. I go to her and hold her caringly and hug her, rocking back and forth. I feel sadness for her and I feel proud that she is talking about it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3727", 
            "content": "(02/14/00)[\"Uncaring distant people.\"] I am in a huge gymnasium. A man and a woman are walking across the floor. Their cobra is with them, slithering with her head up high and hood extended. She is huge and impressive and scary. Now I see the man and a woman sitting together on the top bleachers. It is night and they are sleeping. A metal basket with a lid sits beside them maybe a few feet away. Inside that is a huge cobra. There are electronic red lights flashing on the lid. There is a mean man out on the gym floor the snake is afraid of. She stays inside the basket even though it is overheating and she is dangerously overheated. The couple decide they want to make love. There is some hesitation because the snake is near, but they decide to do it anyway. Later, I am on a couch on the gym floor with this cold distant man. He is going to stimulate me to orgasm. He impassively sticks his finger up my vagina and moves it around. I concentrate of the feeling and go for orgasm. It is devoid of loving feelings. Now I see some disk jockeys in a room. The man is one of them. He is lying on the floor writhing around in emotional agony. Silently. Another man says well, it is better this way than if he screams. The door suddenly opens and the cold man's father, \"Big Daddy\" comes in. He gives the man a left over peanut butter sandwich, even though he just came from a sumptuous feast himself. He then hands him an old pair of his pants, way too huge for the man. I use red thread and sew some stitches on the waistband to try and make it a better fit for the man."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3728", 
            "content": "(02/15/00)[\"Trying to find the TV channel.\"] I am in a room with a TV like the one in my bedroom. I am using the remote control to find a channel. It is very confusing. I can't seem to change the channels, then I get a PIP screen of a different channel. I try and look in the TV Guide for what's on. I find the date July 16th, which is today's date. Then I can't find dates on any of the other pages. It is frustrating."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3729", 
            "content": "(02/16/00)[\"Baby kitten.\"] I am in a house, maybe like the Mac house. I have a tiny kitten. I am holding it and petting it. It is black and white. It is very sweet and soft. I love it. I am going to travel. I wake up at midnight after only a few hours of sleep. I am exhausted. But I will be on the road for 8 hours and then visit for many more hours. I am already tired and will be even more tired by the end of the day. I carry the kitten with me, loving it. Later, in the house, I see a box with a mama cat and another kitten. It is my original kitten grown with it's own baby."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3730", 
            "content": "(02/16/00)[\"Howard and Hawaii.\"] Ellie is in the room with me. I am needlepointing stitches on a canvas. Howard comes in. Ellie asks where in the whole world I would like to live. I say Hawaii. It is warm and nice there. I notice the yarn I am using to needlepoint with is not set right. So I begin to pull it out to fix the stitch. But it frays and so I am going to snap it apart and do that part over again. I am amazed how hard it is to break. It stretches and stretches until it is one tiny thread, hanging on. Howard offers to help. I say, stubbornly, I can do it. Finally, after struggle, I break it. Ellie is talking about going back with a previous boyfriend. I am upset with her for even thinking it. She mentions a man's name. I say don't you remember what he was like? It would be stupid for you to go back to him. She has curly short hair. She is adamant she will go back to him. I disapprove."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3731", 
            "content": "(02/16/00)[\"Silly doctor makes a pass.\"] I am in a building with a good looking man. He's a Doctor. He is trying to hide from this obnoxious boy. I scurry him into the elevator and press the button for basement. The doors shut and down we go. Then I quickly push the button for the 2nd floor. I am trying to trick the boy. I remember that we might stop at the first floor, thereby revealing us to the boy but thankfully, the elevator goes straight to the 2nd floor. We get out and quickly run down the hall into an empty examining room. We shut the door. Happy that we escaped the boy. The Doctor puts on a doctors jacket and wants me to wear a patient gown. He tries to hug me and kiss me. I push him away, attracted but I also don't like him. He is too silly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3732", 
            "content": "(02/17/00)[\"Volunteering in a book shop.\"] I am in a beautiful book shop. They are very busy, with a long line of customers at the counter. I ask the woman owner if I can help out as a volunteer, because it would be fun. She agrees. She is sitting at a table in the cafe part of the shop. I go to the counter and customers step up with requests. I handle them well, enjoying working with books. I am asked to do a search for titles and am writing the numbers down on a request paper. The feeling in the shop is one of busy friendly enjoyment."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3733", 
            "content": "(02/18/00)[\"Sweet boyfriend wants me.\"] I am working on a project. This involves putting things in order on a poster board. A young man, sort of Darryl and Michael J. Fox is watching. I am in a school, I guess. He comes over to look at my work. I explain the rows of things. One row has valuable collectible coins. I show him the Dover side and the E City side. He is now impressed with me. He starts to walk away. Then he changes his mind and walks back to me. He comes very close and says \"I want a girlfriend.\" I am thrilled. I smile and he leans even closer and begins to talk sweet things to me. He asks do I want to be his girlfriend? I say Oh yes. I really do. We kiss. And neck. We walk hand in hand to the swim pool in the gym. We begin to swim laps. He is an excellent swimmer and I struggle to keep up. Soon I am neck and neck with him and occasionally even beat him. It is a competition done lovingly. We enjoy the power of our excellent swimming have fun trying to be better than the other and love each other through it all. The coach sees us and is very impressed. We will be great for the swim team."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3734", 
            "content": "(02/19/00)[\"Tornadoes and love.\"] I am talking with Dora. I am laughing that now that we are back together, we could be roommates this time. She chuckles and says No way!! I accept this rejection in good humor. I wasn't really serious about the suggestion anyway. Now I am sitting on a couch. Watching a movie on TV. It is interesting. A man puts another video in the set and another interesting movie comes on. I don't want to miss the one that is on TV now as I like the story but I am interested in the second one too. Can't decide what to do. Mitch R. comes over and sits by me. We are very attracted to each other. Strong feelings of love. We hug and talk happily. It's a wonderful feeling. Next, I am on a farm. Outside. Mitch R. is there, also. Then I see tornadoes in the sky in the distance. Danger is coming. We rush to the barn to find a safe place. In the barn, I look out and see my mother and Grandma Maude outside concerned about housekeeping duties. They are preoccupied with getting the tasks done and won't come in to safety. I suggest we find a below ground area because the tornado could smash the barn and we'd be hurt. So we find a cement square hole and crawl down there with lots of other people. I call a warning to my mother and Grandma Maude again. They won't listen. The tornado strikes, breaking the barn to pieces. We remain safe and cuddled together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3735", 
            "content": "(02/20/00)[\"Want me pills.\"] I am in a room. I am putting gum drop candies in a line. I am eating them, also enjoying the different colors and flavors. I am typing with an old fashioned typewriter the letters Want Me, one letter on each candy. There are people who will be doing a ritual over these candies and then I will eat them so the spell works. I pick up a handful of them. I show them to a Doctor. They look like necco candies now round like pills. I ask him if I will overdose eating so many. And make myself ill. He says no, it is safe. So I put them in my mouth and eat them, trying to concentrate on the words and the mantra. I want the spell to work, because then I will have a loving relationship. Someone will love me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3736", 
            "content": "(02/20/00)[\"Marrying Woody Allen.\"] I am in my 30's and good looking and slim. A man is attracted to me and is flirting. I am enjoying the attention. Now a man like a younger Woody Allen is there. I am attracted to him. He is funny and fun to be with. We enjoy each others company. He is showing me a trick where he pours water into a pot of dirt and puts seeds in it. The water is slopping over the edge a bit as he pours. It is very runny dirt. As I watch, I notice we are in a banquet room. I decide, since this trick will take a while I'll go to my place setting and have dinner. I wear a lovely blue velvet gown, like Katie in the play. I wander down a hall to another door and go in. I see the place where my dinner should be. I don't have a chair. I go to the other side of the table and start to take Woody's chair. Then I see the nice man I'd been flirting with had moved a chair there for me. I sit. He is seated on my left. We chat pleasantly, still flirting. I feel slightly uncomfortable and point to a picture of Woody in the newspaper and say My new husband is this man. This is to alert the man I am married and I am proud of the fact. The man says he is an unstable selfish man. Did you know that? I say yes. A woman says he is a freak, always doing things differently. I say yes. That's what I love about him. I am unshaken in my enjoyment and love of my husband, even though I have to admit he is as they said."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3737", 
            "content": "(02/20/00)[\"Young man attracted to me.\"] I am now doing two different tasks. I am going to write an outline for my play and I want to memorize my lines for a play I am acting in. I ask for an acting student to come and practice with me. While I wait for him to arrive, I go back to the banquet tables, now with no dishes on them, and sit at the typewriter writing the outline for the play. He arrives, tall young and good looking. He is like Davey in physical shape. He's about 19 and I am in my early thirties. He is very attracted to me as I am beautiful and slim. I suggest we go out on the balcony porch to practice so we won't be interrupted. We walk out, shutting the sliding glass doors. We find a place to work and I lie down on my back on the floor. He admires my beauty. We talk preparing to do the rehearsal."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3738", 
            "content": "(02/21/00)[\"Teaching Nancy how to run the disabled students department.\"] I am working for the Disabled Student Services. It's one of those endless rooms with a corner desk and a couch with acres of floor. I am listening to tapes of student phone calls. From the answering machine. One is angry and complaining, the other is pornographic. I sigh, feeling frustrated. I don't want to have to listen to the pornographic one. A co-worker is asking my help with the boss, Nancy. She is behaving like a dictator and micromanaging. I keep asking Nancy questions to help her see what she is doing. Nancy is upset with me because I am pointing out her faults. I am attempting to help. I am also angry at Nancy for not being more caring with her employees. A male student comes to me as I sit on the couch and says they need a salmon colored marker to make a sign. I look for one in a large clear plastic bag I have. Lots of colors, but not that one. I then give him some quarters and dimes I found on he bottom of the bag to buy one and then give it to me later as it is my personal money I am spending. The co-worker is upset that I have spare change and she doesn't. She isn't paid very much, I guess. She is jealous."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3739", 
            "content": "(02/22/00)[\"Dream love.\"] I traveled to an island where a special dream conference is. Charla is with me. This has two components to it. One is for regular dreamers. The other is for teachers of dreams. I am happy I get to be with the teachers. We travel by bus from one workshop to the next. I look out the window and see large canyons where waterfalls and beautiful powerful streams are. I admire the beauty. At one workshop, Charla and I dance contact improv. It is a sweet beautiful dance. Everyone loves it. An eastern Indian man comes over to me. He whispers a phrase in his language in my ear. I don't know what it means. I know it is sweet and positive. I go to the back of the crowd and find a good looking dark haired eastern Indian man I am attracted to. I ask him what those words mean. The man is in love with me. He smiles tenderly. He says I can't tell you here, because we will be interrupted. Let's have dinner together. I am happy. I return to my bus seat up front. I remember that I had promised Fatima I would have dinner with her. She is seated behind me. I turn and say, I need to cancel our dinner plans. How about lunch tomorrow? She is disappointed, but understands. Now Charla has fallen asleep. The bus stops. We get off, I carry Charla in my arms. We go to the man's hotel room. He helps me put Charla on his bed to nap. He watches me lovingly as I kiss Charla. I love her very much. We step into the living room. He embraces me, lying me on the couch and soothingly and lovingly telling me that the words the other man spoke were the sweet declarations of his intense love for me. I realize the man loves me deeply. I love him as deeply. We cuddle happy with our love."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3740", 
            "content": "(02/25/00)[\"Wicked witch.\"] There is a wicked witch that will hurt or kill a young man and a young girl. I need to rescue them. She is swooping down from the sky and I manage to blow her up. She falls into the ocean now a small plastic figurine. I dive in and search for her as I need to pull off her head to make her less dangerous. She is fighting back and is still powerful. I struggle with her. She is still trying to get at the girl and the young man."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3741", 
            "content": "(02/25/00)[\"Holey shorts.\"] I am in a house. My mother is there. So is Charla and Lydia. My mother is lying on the floor, her head in a corner of the room, her body diagonally out from the corner. She is exercising. Charla is going to exercise too. I walk into another room and see a guest room. A single bed, a headboard and an empty bookcase all scrunched together in one corner of the room. I walk out again. I am seated on a mattress. I am trying to put on a pair of shorts Lydia gave me. I see holes in them and take them off again. These aren't any good. I need to change my clothes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3742", 
            "content": "(02/26/00)[\"Howard messes up my office.\"] I am working in an office. There are two long tables, perpendicular to each other. Lots of papers, books and supplies are cluttered all over the top. Howard is there. His stuff is on the table as well. I am trying to organize the mess. It feels fine that Howard is there, but I am annoyed that I have extra work to do. A woman comes in and asks for a post it note to use. I show her mine and each one is written on with projects and information. I pick up Howard's and so is his. I find one sheet I can share with her. A woman calls the meeting to order. I have made good progress on the mess. You can see some of the table top now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3743", 
            "content": "(02/27/00)[\"Lucid dream about dreams meaning.\"] I am at a big computer machine. It has flashing lights and lots of buttons. There are two machines now. I used to only work with one. I am getting close to finishing the project. Now one machine sort of becomes a vehicle. A VW bus. I am trying to drive it up a hill. The road is like the rumpled bed covers, quilts. I am having a hard time getting on that road. It is all uphill and not very solid. I finally get the bus on the road. I beep the horn. It sounds like a regular car horn. I beep again. It has a different sound. Finally it beeps a vw sound. It is a struggle to get to the top of the hill. Now I get out of the bus and start walking down a flight of stairs. I am indoors now in a stairwell. It is wide and roomy, with occasional open doors leading into rooms. I am looking for one for me to live in. I walk many flights around and around down and down. I get to the basement. A large old dilapidated room. I am not impressed with it. People are sitting around on old couches. I suddenly realize it is a dream. I can change things or do what I want. I decide to ask these people what do dreams mean. I do so. The people seem stupid. One woman mumbles the community college. Several others slowly mumble something I can't understand. One says \"27.\" Then two more sentences that excite me because maybe this really is the meanings. But I forget what he said immediately. I desperately try to write them down so I won't forget them. Can't find anything to write with."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3744", 
            "content": "(02/27/00)[\"Can't read the feedback.\"] Judy P. sends me a big envelope. I open it to find she has after all these years returned scripts I had given her to critique. I am excited. I see she has written lots on the front covers. I try to read them. I can't make it out. I think it's too dark in the room, or my eyes are going bad from old age. I see some spots of sunlight on the bed and move the script there so it would be brighter. That doesn't work either. I see one script is called \"Hughley's\" and another one is about penguins. I see she has tried to illustrate the penguin story. I see penguins with pink crayon on them. the word \"Cold\" is there. It is winter and it is cold. So she decided to illustrate the penguins in pink to indicate spring and warmth."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3745", 
            "content": "(02/27/00)[\"Quilts.\"] I find some quilts and remember that I had made them a long time ago. One has autographs and sayings written on the back. I look closely and see that I had asked people who had used the quilt to sign the quilt with comments. I look at them trying to see what they said. I am in a large nearly empty room. A young girl, maybe Caroline as a child is there. She is crying. I say to her sympathetically, come here and I will hug you. She shakes her head no and walks away from me turning her body away from me. She doesn't want to be hugged. I respect that and continue sitting on the floor, watching her. I say again Can I hug you? She nods her head sadly and walks hesitantly into my embrace. We hug for a long time. Then she moves to indicate she is done and I release her. Then I stand and I am dancing contact improv. I pick up a small boy in my arms like he is a puppy. I balance him and dance slowly around. He wants down and I put him on the floor sill curled up in a fetal ball position. A man is outside the open door and wants me to go out there on the porch with him. I go outside in the bright sunlight."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3746", 
            "content": "(02/28/00)[\"Volcano and swimming.\"] I am near S City. There is a very steep mountain across the large body of water. And a back murky pond and a narrow channel of water near a house. I think the house is supposedly my parents'. I drove there in my van. My job is to be prepared if the volcano on the mountain blows. I must pack my own things, get them into the van and drive to safety. So I don't really unpack. I just use what I need and put it back in the suitcase. I seem to swim a lot. I dive into the back pond and swim laps. It feels good to be exercising. I swim up the narrow channel as well. I see under a board like a shed wall with a gap at the bottom and see a cat looking back at me. I had wondered what the other person had been looking at. The channel narrows so much and gets so shallow I am practically swimming in mud. It empties out into the large body of water. I think about swimming out there but the water looks rough. Then I see the volcano has erupted. Spewing red lava down the mountain side. I am wondering just how many miles the lava can go. I can't decide if it is safe to stay here or if we should flee. I keep looking at the lava flow. Lots of steam in various parts of the mountain. I decide it is better to flee. I walk to the van and get in. I drive away."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3747", 
            "content": "(02/29/00)[\"Pancakes and poop.\"] I am in a big group RV traveling with this man and a woman who travel with groups of people. I am seated on a portapot toilet on a counter top of the kitchen area of the RV. I have several bowel movements as I am chatting with the man and while the woman is cooking pancakes right next to where I sit on the counter. I feel embarrassed hoping I am not noisy or stinky, but in general am OK about this situation. I wipe myself being careful not to expose myself as I do. And get up, closing the lid on the toilet. Then the woman says she is going to serve the pancakes now to the group waiting outside. She asks me to continue cooking more pancakes. I say yes and pick up the spatula. I turn the pancakes over, having fun doing it with flair. The man chuckles and enjoys how well I flip the pancakes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3748", 
            "content": "(02/29/00)[\"Gay man thinks I am a lesbian.\"] I played a lesbian character in a play. After the show, a gay man comes up to me cheerfully telling me that he knows where a lesbian is and do I want her phone number. I am surprised and say What?? I realize he thinks I am gay because of the part I played. He quickly realizes his mistake and says, continuing the conversation, that he saw two gay men on the corner and he'll go over and chat with them. I smile at him and wave as he quickly leaves, embarrassed about his mistake."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3749", 
            "content": "(02/29/00)[\"Can't find rehearsal.\"] Celeste is conducting a rehearsal. I need to be there. I see they are meeting in an open area outdoors, sort of a city square. People walking around chatting. I join them, late. I sit on a chair between a man and a woman who are sexually attracted to each other. I feel uncomfortable being between them as they are talking through me to each other. I suggest moving, but they go on there way. Now a man is telling me he and his friend can fix the van engine for $800. I am annoyed, because I can't afford it and have made other arrangements. They want the job and are trying to sell it to me. Then I notice my eyeglasses are shattered, like a windshield on a car. I am amazed I can still see well even though the damage is great. I look up to see the rehearsal has moved onto the stage area. Charla and I go there. I can't seem to get with them to rehearse. I tell Charla she can come along and be a part of it. I feel guilty I am not doing it right."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3750", 
            "content": "(03/05/00)[\"Neal and I almost make love.\"] I go to Neal's office. We haven't seen each other for months. It is night. We talk about out work together. I am aware that I am attracted to him sexually. I wonder if he is interested in me. He seems gently caring. I am not afraid, but eager to touch him. He kisses me. Now we are lying on the floor of his office. He locks the door. I ask him if I can take off his shirt. He says yes. I slowly unbutton each button. Surprised I can do that physically. I slowly undress him. Taking off his blue work shirt and then his T-shirt. He unbuttons my blouse. I hope I look OK naked. I gently stroke his back and arms as he adjusts his position to begin penetration. I am pleasantly surprised how big his penis is. He seems hesitant. I continue to caress him and he me. He says he is thinking about the ramifications of this. This is our first time making love and he wants It to be right. Not just something quick and done with. I am getting more sexually excited and am trying to stay relaxed and patient. I like his thoughtfulness and gentleness, but I am also desirous of being sexual with him. I kiss him again. My head is up against the door and it feels like someone is trying to push it open. I reach up and check the lock. He says you sure are concerned about that lock. Then he says I'm going to miss working with you. He says he is surprised I am this good sexually. Pleasantly surprised. I want this encounter to be good. I am surprised I am taking this much initiative in making it happen. Again the door jiggles. Like someone is trying to come in. He then says we can't make love right now. He gently explains that we would have a dual relationship and it wouldn't be OK. He has to think about it. I understand but I am disappointed. I want to make love to him. I like him as well as being sexually interested. We get up and dress. We kiss gently. I walk down the hall to my dorm room. I go in and lock the door. It is the middle of the night. I see my bed and sigh. How am I going to get to sleep? I feel in love and disappointed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3751", 
            "content": "(03/08/00)[\"Scary forest.\"] I am with a group of teens. In a house in a scary forest. I am packing for a journey we will take out in the forest. I look out the open front door and see a large body of water. In it are some of the teens trying to capture large eels that look like giant tadpoles. I am concerned for them. Those eels can be dangerous. But the teens catch them by their tail and drag them onto shore. I continue packing. I put some sanitary pads or diaper pads in my purse. I remember I hadn't removed the used ones from yesterday. I take two out and throw them away. They stink. Now we go out to the edge of the forest. The main entrance will be very dangerous so we decide to go around to the side. We enter and I am worried the forest floor will cave in under us. Pitfalls. And we don't know where they are. There are monsters in the forest. They are already coming closer to attack. We are concerned but ready to defend ourselves."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3752", 
            "content": "(03/10/00)[\"Who raped who?\"] It is Halloween night. I am out in the dark. A group of witches and zombies are searching for me. They intend to rape me. I am afraid. They are coming from all directions. I am surrounded and can't escape. As one male approaches me, I suddenly decide to take the attack and jump him. I throw him to the ground and rape him. I have a hard and uncomfortable orgasm."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3753", 
            "content": "(03/10/00)[\"Who is stealing my dream program secrets??\"] I am in an office at a University. A man is there checking on my dream program on the computer. I suddenly become afraid he is stealing my coding. I demand to know what he is doing. He is nervous and tries to soothe me. I don't accept his explanations. Now more men are in the room. I ask each one who they are. They are scientists from different disciplines. Chairs are lined up like in a classroom. More men come in. It is crowded. I think they are all here to steel my program. I accuse them of that. They smile and say no. That's not true. I am not convinced. I call the Dean of Students and demand to know who they are and for him to tell them they have to leave. I demand they leave. Finally they start to leave. I'm on to them now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3754", 
            "content": "(03/10/00)[\"Spies everywhere.\"] I ask a man to help me carry my things up a flight of stairs. I have a wooden tea tray, with papers on it. I also have a bunch of snow I am going to analyze. I want the man to carry the snow. It's heavy. I put it on his little red wagon. Then we walk up the stairs. I see he left the red wagon and I am upset. I need the snow to do my analysis. I see a toy on the stairs. I wonder how it got there, because I thought I was carrying it with me, but here it was, ahead of me. Now we are in a room. I look out the window. I see flying machines that are like erector set helicopters. I realize the spies are in there. I tell the man we need to go into the room because they can't see us there. We go in. I look out the window again and I see water with toy boats and erector set devices traveling by the window. I realize these have microphones in them and if we talk, then the spies will hear what we say. We are surrounded."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3755", 
            "content": "(03/14/00)[\"Scary happenings.\"] I am in a relationship with a Native American man. I break it off. He is very angry. I am aware of scary things down in the basement. Also scary creatures are coming toward me. I need to get out of the house. I feel fear."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3756", 
            "content": "(03/14/00)[\"Plane crash.\"] I am in a little plane. I keep looking out the windows. On the right side, I see the sky. On the left side, I see the reflections of empty seats. I look on the right again. I see trees and feel fear that we are too low and will crash. Then we manage to land and I see we are on a street. I wonder what happened. I am concerned the traffic will hit us or break off our wing. Then I see the wings are retracted into the plane. This is apparently a government special plane and it is taking me directly to the hotel where the conference is being held. I hope they don't find out I don't have any special governmental job."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3757", 
            "content": "(03/18/00)[\"Tom acting like Howard.\"] I am in a room with Tom. He wants to make love. He behaves like Howard, begging, whining and demanding. I want to make love, but I don't like this treatment. I refuse him. I'd be kissing him and feeling sexually excited and then he'd push harder for sex and I'd pull back. It is very frustrating for him and for me. I try to talk myself into doing it for his sake, but I keep feeling so uncomfortable, that I stop. He asks me why I won't do it and I say because you nag me so much about it, it isn't fun any more."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3758", 
            "content": "(03/19/00)[\"My own house.\"] I had been in some institution and now each person gets their own individual house. I go inside mine to see what its like. It is small but lovely. The walls of the living room are almost all glass windows. Hardly any furniture but I like that. A spacious feeling to the house. I walk downstairs and see a large area. It is a tiled floor, blue and white. A very large shower that is wheelchair accessible. Lots of shower heads, maybe four of them. They turn on automatically when I walk into the shower area. I like this. I notice the two showers next to the entrance is spraying water out into the hall area. I try to think them more interior so I don't make a mess. It is difficult. I then turn and walk toward the other end of the room. I see two sleeping areas one for my son and one for my daughter. A third area is for their toys to be kept. I like this house."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3759", 
            "content": "(03/20/00)[\"The spy with the blue dress on.\"] I am watching as a beautiful woman in a long blue dress, very sexy and subtle, is walking through a large room being constructed. She is searching for something. She is a spy. A good looking man is following her, as he is a spy also. She sees him in the hall and walks past him quickly. He is attracted to her as well as a spy and he starts to follow. She walks quickly down a hall and around a corner. She ducks into another room and shuts the door. She is worried that she has made a stupid blunder and it will be too easy for him to find her. He does find her quickly. They are attracted to each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3760", 
            "content": "(03/20/00)[\"Judging the contest.\"] I am standing in the back of an auditorium. A group of people, mostly if not all women. Maybe they are nurses. They are graduating. A woman official asks me to be the one to note their names. Then I am asked to call on them to receive their diplomas. The other woman who was going to do that is ill. I agree and walk up on stage. I choose to step out on a small platform that juts out closer to the audience. They are a far distance away. I find the paper with the list of names on it. Each has a title \"C. Cannabis Mavis\" or something like that. They give me that title as well. I have a hard time seeing the paper and have to move it around to catch little shafts of light coming from back stage. I hand out the diplomas. The ceremony is over and I walk back to the back of the auditorium. I stand with a man I'd been talking with before. He is leaning against the wall. I stand close and lean into him and we cuddle. It feels sensual and friendly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3761", 
            "content": "(03/22/00)[\"Water slide captures the crew.\"] I am watching crewmen of a submarine as they are trapped by a strong current of water in the sub and forced down a curved tube. I don't know if they survive or not. One after the other, they are sucked in. Four of them disappear. I feel some fear."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3762", 
            "content": "(03/22/00)[\"Katherine Hepburn on a sub.\"] I am in a kitchen. I want to eat some toast. I decide to break the diet. I find a half loaf of bread and check each piece out for signs of mold, since it's been so long since I've eaten bread. I find several spots and pull them out. I decide the rest of the bread will be OK to eat. I put them in an odd toaster and cook them. As I do this, I am hurrying Charla to get ready for school. I also am starting back to work at the community college and need to get ready. I see on TV a movie with Katherine Hepburn in it. I am happy because this is the one I haven't seen yet, called Iron Petticoats. She is a captain of a submarine in Russia as a spy. I am frustrated because I have to leave and am preparing the toast and then I remember I can tape it. I hurriedly grab a video tape and see it has the cellophane wrapping on it. More frustration as I struggle to pull it off. Surprisingly, it comes off quickly and easily. I now have to figure out how to use this VCR and set the timer. It is nearly nine o'clock in the morning. We are late. I decide we can skip going to school and work today. It won't hurt anything to do so."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3763", 
            "content": "(03/24/00)[\"In relationship with Lance.\"] I am in the back seat of a limo with Lance. One of the drivers turns to him and tells him he'd better deal with the men that were being negative at us earlier now or they will continue to bother us. Lance resents being told what he should do. He disagrees with the driver and wants to leave matters as they are. I agree with the driver but I hold my tongue because I don't want to embarrass Lance. It's always better if he figures it out himself. He thinks it over and decides the driver is right. I am happy he agrees. I curl up with him, holding his arm tenderly. We talk. Now we are out of the car. A woman is criticizing him. with other people around. I feel empathy for him. I tell the woman it is impolite to criticizes someone with other people around. I then talk with Lance, reassuring him that he is OK. He complains about how people are on his case and I say, yes, but, my situation is worse. I have to explain to Paulina about us being in relationship."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3764", 
            "content": "(03/25/00)[\"Shitting in the park.\"] I am sitting on the grass in a park. I need to shit. I push and make three small molded piles of shit. Now I need to stand up and walk away. I feel embarrassed. And uncomfortable. I stand and quickly put some papers over the piles of shit to cover them. I can't wipe myself so I walk, being very aware of left over shit on my butt."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3765", 
            "content": "(03/25/00)[\"Taking on the bully.\"] A woman is afraid because this man comes over to her and beats her up. He is a bully. I decide to help her. Maybe I am a social worker. I am teaching her how to be assertive. The man walks up to me and I chat with him in a friendly manner. As long as he is friendly to me, I respond warmly. Then he starts crowding me, standing very close and being pushy. I instantly punch him in the belly with an elbow and then take him out using very excellent karate moves. He is stunned and I quickly overpower him. Later I tell a social worker man that I am concerned he will sneak back when I am not alert and get revenge. I don't like having to be on alert."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3766", 
            "content": "(03/25/00)[\"Playing beautiful music.\"] A woman wants to learn to play the piano. She asks my father to teach her. She practices the exact notes and is progressing slowly. I am also learning piano from my father. He shows me a song. I learn to do it slowly also. Then he encourages me to improvise. I start to guess where the next note should be. I make some errors at first, but as I practice, I get better and better until I am playing incredibly complex jazz improvisations in infinite varieties flawlessly. My father is very pleased sat my ability and I am filled with joy at the beautiful music I can make."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3767", 
            "content": "(03/26/00)[\"Back to work.\"] I am back at work in a counseling department of a college. I am straightening up my office. Bonnie comes in to work there too. Then a woman client is referred to me from the administration. She comes in and sits on the messy crowded couch. Suddenly she falls asleep, her head dropping and the lit cig she was smoking mashed into the pile of junk on the couch. I wake her up and take the cig from her and scrub it out. I tell her to go home and sleep until she is rested enough to come back and work."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3768", 
            "content": "(03/27/00)[\"Tired and Ellie needs my help.\"] I am tired and want to rest. But I get a phone call from Ellie who is somewhere near T City. She wants me to come pick her up and bring her home. I keep asking her where she is exactly. She is vague and names a few small town places and says they are just past T City. I tell her I am tired. I sigh. I tell her the van isn't here yet. I don't want to drive all that way to help her, but I say I will. I arrive. I am walking. I don't know how I got there. I suddenly realize we could bus home. That would make things so much easier. Why didn't I think of that before?! I could have saved myself a long trip and told her to bus home."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3769", 
            "content": "(03/28/00)[\"Chakotay and the crazy man.\"] Chakotay needs to hide. The crazy man is after him. Chakotay runs quickly toward a door. It is locked. So he hides under a pile of blankets on the floor. The dream ego is with him watching the crazy man from his perspective under the blankets. The crazy man senses him there and comes close, poking in the pile. Chakotay remains quiet and doesn't move. The crazy man has a baby with him and lays the baby down on Chakotay. It is a tense moment. The crazy man leaves, not finding him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3770", 
            "content": "(03/29/00)[\"Merle's Table.\"] I am helping Merle clean up a very large beautiful wooden table. It has a plate glass slab on the top of it. The matching chairs are very ornate and carved. I am washing off the encrusted smudges. It is hard work and I feel the tiredness in my arms. But it feels good to be working. Then there are scattered piles of papers, magazines and books. I ask him what I should do with the newspapers. He says make a pile of newspapers. I see a Life magazine. He says make a pile of magazines. I organize and clean. It feels good. There are two tables very much alike."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3771", 
            "content": "(03/29/00)[\"7th and forgiveness.\"] I am tired and driving in a cute red car. I am traveling the four lane highways, rounding the curves and making good speed. I feel good about driving. Now I come to an intersection on a smaller two lane highway. I am turning right. A car crashes into me. My windshield is cracked. I pull over to the right edge of the road. I pick up a cell phone and push a button which connects me with the insurance man. I tell him the windshield is smashed, like graveled glass. But as I look at it. It really is cracked like a spider web design. I then say my left window is also cracked. I am then surprised to see that the left passenger back window is also cracked. He asks, where are you. I say just a minute and back the car back to the intersection. I look up at the signpost. I am at the corner of 7th and Forgiveness I say. I chuckle at the symbolism of the street name. Then I go to a small cabin in an orchard. I lie down on the couch. To recoup from the accident. A man named Mike comes in. Charla has gone out to play. A woman is there, being helpful. The man lies on the couch with me, his head at the opposite end of the couch. We talk in a friendly way. We like each other. I tell him of my dreams. He tells me of his. It is pleasant."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3772", 
            "content": "(03/29/00)[\"Actors create a dinner play.\"] There is a dinner evening where actors play the roles and the dinner guests interact with them. The scene is an old war hospital. Some actors are lying in hospital beds on a big ward, moaning from their \"wounds.\" Women in evening dress wander through and chat with them. Then some of the women actors are lying in a large open refrigerated box with their heads lying on the ice cubes spread out. It helps them have permanent curls in their hair. Seems uncomfortable, but they are happily chatting with each other. One woman in a lovely evening dress comes up to the woman owner of this place and says that in regular life, she can't meet men who she likes. She doesn't expect it to be any different here. I watch out the window as she, another woman and a man are climbing up a large rock. They are in long 1920's evening gowns. The woman and the man seem to be liking each other. They are attracted. The other woman is walking with a large furry black and white spotted cat in her arms. It is a pleasant scene. The woman owner is happy the two people met and are going to fall in love."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3773", 
            "content": "(03/30/00)[\"Cult suicide.\"] I am with a group of people in a room. We are each given a small plastic cup with poison in it. We are supposed to drink it and then die. I hold off drinking it. I am worried. They claim it is painless and comfortable. I don't know why we are supposed to die. I watch as others drink. I wait to see what happens to them. I see a door that goes to a room where they go after they die. I peek in as it is partially open. I see a toilet first, then a jog around a corner and I can't see what else is in the room. I decide I won't drink the stuff. I don't want to die."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3774", 
            "content": "(03/30/00)[\"Studying for a test.\"] I am in a room and preparing for a test. It seems to be about Geography, Flowers and Making Candles. I am looking through papers in a notebook to find info and read through past homework. I can't seem to find the papers I need that have the important info. I enjoy looking at the different candles and flowers and then realize I need to be focusing on the geography information. I feel concerned I am not studying properly. I won't be prepared."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3775", 
            "content": "(03/30/00)[\"Running in the snow.\"] I am looking for a special blanket made for me with special sewed in inserts for my misshapened feet. I am walking through snow along a long building. I think it is a museum. I am amazed how much bigger it is now with the new additions and exhibits. I decide to run. I decide I need warmer boots on. The mukluk type boots. They appear. I am surprised I can run as well and as long as I do. I see a woman and ask for my blanket. She says these aren't mine. I take one, a small one that is like a bag. I put it on, as I am sitting now, perhaps in my wheelchair. I pull it up over my feet and legs. It is cute, in the shape of a whale, with a side pocket area for my foot. Now I shall be very warm and comfortable, even out in the snow."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3776", 
            "content": "(03/31/00)[\"Where's the accessible bathroom?\"] I am in a large public bathroom. I need to go and I am looking for the accessible toilet. I walk past all the stalls and can't find one. I decide I don't really have to go and leave the bathroom. There are both men and women in there. It is crowded. I wander the halls of this college looking for another bathroom."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3777", 
            "content": "(03/31/00)[\"Presenting my business.\"] I am showing my parents a way to cook bacon. It involves a computer. I transfer the file to a floppy. I am concerned that their computer is older and won't have a floppy. It does have one but I have trouble getting the disk into the right slot. Then I see the bacon which looks undercooked and transparent. I realize that I am so used to cooking just for me that I only made one bacon for everyone. Anyway, they seem impressed with my ability. Grandma Anne is seated and as I talk with her she leans backward and I am amazed at how well she can do that. I am curious why she leaned back so far. Then I begin to put my things out for display. I realize the money making man will be front and center. I am tired of not presenting myself and my wares better and decide to take the table right next to the man. I know this will cost me lots of money but I need to do this in order to sell my wares. Another man agrees to use half of my table. It will help reduce costs. I get a cart and haul my things over to the table and set them up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3778", 
            "content": "(04/01/00)[\"Weird punishment.\"] A woman is in a room. I have to go in there. She will whip me and run a beaded thing up and down my back to inflict pain. I am afraid and don't want to go in there, but I must."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3779", 
            "content": "(04/02/00)[\"Toastmasters and love.\"] I am in a room and a friend asks me to help her practice a speech. I ask her some prepared questions and she responds with a speech. She is practicing for the contest. Then Del comes in and announces he loves me. He then walks back out the room. I am startled and don't say anything. As he gets to the door, I realize I should say something. I don't love him so I can't say that. So I blurt out \"That is very sweet.\" I wonder if that is hurtful to him as it is not reciprocating his love."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3780", 
            "content": "(04/05/00)[\"Missy gets photos.\"] I am preparing for something. Maybe getting the right outfit on. I take some photos I have to a woman working in a store. Her name is missy. She isn't there. I continue to prepare for the event. Maybe a contest."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3781", 
            "content": "(04/08/00)[\"Transforming fish.\"] I am in a room. A small black tropical fish is flying through the air toward me. He turns into a young man. A gentle kind man. I am attracted to him and he to me. I am digging in the dirt, looking for something."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3782", 
            "content": "(04/10/00)[\"Transforming woman.\"] I am walking into a university building through the double set of doors. A young man is walking out. He is attracted to me and asks me out to dinner with him. I am startled and automatically say no. I don't do dinner. I am attracted to him and there is an awkward pause as he and I want to talk but can't think of anything to say. I let the moment go and continue through the doors. I am looking for Lucy who is going to teach us a dance choreograph to an old rock and roll song. I am upset with myself that I let the moment pass and now I won't ever see the young man again. Lucy is there now with several other people who will dance. She begins to show us the steps. We have to lie on our tummies on the floor and then rock back up on our knees, pushing up with our hands. I groan and say I can't do this. But I somehow manage. Then the young man joins us. I am happy to see him. He is intensely glad to see me. He asks me again if I will have dinner with him. I say yes, I ordinarily don't do dinner but I will this once. He is glad. He whispers after this rehearsal can we hang out and talk? I agree. Now the dance is over. Someone says the music is from 1951 and I say laughing I know it well. I was there, after all. I wonder if the young man will be upset with my being that old. He doesn't care. A second young man is now jealous about the new one. He demands to know who he is and what he is to me. I am embarrassed to answer it. I make a joke and say well, I know he is barefoot. I look at his feet. The 2nd man says well, that means it's sexual. I chuckle and say everything could mean its sexual if we want it to. Now the 2nd man introduces me to a young woman. He is pointing out scars she has on her mouth and face from being beat up. She opens her mouth wide and I see a large stack of children books in there with scars on them. I say to the woman so, is your boyfriend beating you up? She is scared and shocked. She transforms into a round blue broach and a rock under a chair. She mumbles that yes, her boyfriend is beating her up. I continue to talk with her like a counselor. The 1st man gets on his knees to lean near the broach to talk with her. Now I tenderly pick her up. She is several rocks now. One in the shape of a red winged black bird and another is an amethyst crystal. I talk to her soothingly. Lucy says to me, that's the way too do it. Good for you."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3783", 
            "content": "(04/11/00)[\"Bonnie calls on her friends.\"] Bonnie needs help and she calls on her friends to come and help. I feel frustrated and don't really want to go help. I go and Bonnie is a bit upset with me for not being happy to help. A man named Carlos is there helping her learn how to drive. He is in the passenger seat and they hug as I watch."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3784", 
            "content": "(04/11/00)[\"Aliens take over.\"] I am in a building and am aware that aliens are going to nuke the world. I must create a safe place. I find a bank vault down in the basement. I gather radios and batteries and flashlights and food. I get in the bank vault, leaving the thick door open just a bit so it won't lock me in. Days pass. The radio goes out because everyone is dead. I pile the food garbage in a closet. The place is dark. I wait. Then I peek out the crack of the slightly opened door. I see a small cute alien walking by, carrying a light. As they leave, the light goes to dark. I watch more. Another cute alien with a small white dog with curly fur walk by, standing near the door. They leave. I decide I must go out and explore. Perhaps the radiation is survivable now. I gather up the important supplies and open the door slowly carefully looking around to try and remain not seen."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3785", 
            "content": "(04/12/00)[\"Can't find the money.\"] I am in a bank. Someone has stolen our money. I am in a line to a teller. We are in a large basement room. Now all the customers and employees are searching all the places for hidden cash. We feel along the counter edge thing there might be a recessed hole where the money is hidden. We don't find it. I hear a man, the actor that played John Glenn in The Right Stuff, say to his friend, There's that Sanders. He is excited to make my acquaintance. He is behaving like a school teen waiting for me to pass by him so he can make conversation. I am pleased and begin walking down the hall toward him. He and his male friend are sitting on the stairs. He is grinning at me. I drop eye contact with shyness. I can feel his excitement. As we get close, I look up and smile. We begin talking."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3786", 
            "content": "(04/13/00)[\"Burning client.\"] I am in a bar lounge and make an appointment for a time to talk with Ellie. The bar woman asks what kind of music it will be. I explain to her that we aren't entertaining, we are going to have a discussion, a talk. Now I am in another room with a client. She shows me her hand which is on fire. I am very concerned and want to put out the fire. I ask her if it hurts. She says yes, of course it hurts, but she isn't interested in putting it out. Then she does slowly put out the flames. Then I see a fire in her pocket of her shirt. She allows that one to burn as well. I am worried for her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3787", 
            "content": "(04/13/00)[\"Lovely visuals.\"] I am asked to help do a reading of a play or skit. I am in a room. Sort of a cafe. I am handed a book that unfolds like a brochure, the pages bound at the top. I leaf through it, really surprised and interested in the colorful pictures. I have a hard time finding the dialogue. The words. They are far and few between. I am with a group. After we finish that bit, we are improving bits. I am dancing and singing. It is fun. Someone has a video camera, the dream ego is looking through it as people in the room see it on them,. they respond by talking to it, even while I am doing my bits. It is all in fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3788", 
            "content": "(04/14/00)[\"Bill Clinton hits on me.\"] I am at some political gathering and Bill and Hillary Clinton are there. Bill is trying to hit on me. I am trying to avoid him. Hillary is jealous and watchful. Other woman are watching also. He'd come over close to talk. I'd change my position and try to move away. There is a black car. His, I think. I feel uncomfortable. I don't want his advances, they feel slimy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3789", 
            "content": "(04/15/00)[\"Fixing up the office.\"] I am in my office, perhaps at a university. Sharon is working hard at fixing things up. More than I want, really. She wants to get permission from the authorities to move the public water fountain in the hall into my office for my private use. I am annoyed with her. I don't want to offend the authorities by taking more than my fair share. I say to her But there is no room in my office. Where would you put it? Then She is tiling my floor with what looks like Jello packages. This is taking lots of time. I want to get on with my work. I am annoyed and fidget. Waiting impatiently. Paulina is there also helping. Lenny and Amelia are there and getting into things. I just want to get on with my work and all these interruptions keep happening."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3790", 
            "content": "(04/16/00)[\"Remodeling the V. house.\"] I am inside the V. House kitchen. It is empty of furniture. They are remodeling. All the walls are painted white. It is bright and light. I peek in the bathroom and see a painting on the wall. It all looks new and pretty."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3791", 
            "content": "(04/16/00)[\"Unhappy busy doctor.\"] There is a Doctor who is very busy working in his life. He does good things for other people, teaching them good skills. He feels very sad he is alone and not in relationship. The right one hasn't come along. Meanwhile, in the same room is a woman, the dream ego who is blind. She is writing. They are unaware of each other as relationship people. But they would do well together. They are so busy doing their thing that they don't realize they could love each other and make each other happy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3792", 
            "content": "(04/16/00)[\"Anastasia in her tree house.\"] I climb up a tall ladder to visit Anastasia in her little tree house. She sort of lives there. She is writing her diary. She leaves for a few moments and I start to read it. At first I feel guilty because it is her private diary but then I notice it is printed in the newspaper, so it's public. It has things written about me. I am trying to understand what she says in the diary. She is describing a day and what we did and said. I look out and see an ocean liner on the sea. Someone is going on vacation. Anastasia is around near by suggesting people can have their diaries printed for free by doing some delivery service for the newspaper and then they will print your stuff. She thinks people should do that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3793", 
            "content": "(04/17/00)[\"Unhelpful Triple A man.\"] I am in the passenger side of the van. I hired a man to help drive it. I feel a shimmy in the front wheels like a tire trying to work itself off an axle. He stops the truck suddenly on the side of the road. He refuses to drive it another inch. It's too dangerous he says. I look ahead and see we are about to enter a tunnel going down with a left turn in it. I see why he stopped. It would be terrible to have it break down in the tunnel. It would stop traffic and inconvenience everyone. But I am also annoyed because I think we could make it. It's a calculated risk. He is adamant. We get out of the truck and are now sitting in a cafe at a table. Other people are coming in and out and sometimes sitting with us. Women with babies. I have Charla and other children with me. I say to the man you can't just leave us here. We have to finish the journey. He doesn't respond. I then remember I could call Triple A. Then I remember he is a representative of Triple A. He could call and get a tow truck and a vehicle for us to travel in. He walks down a very steep ramp and I follow, nearly falling as it is so steep. He seems to be looking for a tow truck. I follow him, frustrated. Now he goes back up, disappearing. I go back to the cafe and now I have lost my place at the table. The cafe is crowded. No place for me to sit. And Charla and the children are missing. I am worried and annoyed. I decide to check the bathroom. I look at the bathroom door to see if I can find the Women's room. The sign is confusing. A woman comes out so I decide it is the women's room. I go in. A mesh screen is over the toilet. No children or Charla. I go out again, worried."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3794", 
            "content": "(04/18/00)[\"Someone's in my bed.\"] Gaston and I are together. It is a gentle pleasant relationship. We are on a vacation. I feel tired and I tell him I am going into my cabin to take a nap. I walk across a lawn and into a rustic cabin. I am startled to see it is dirty and messy. No one has cleaned it in months. I look into the cupboard and I see fresh donuts. I touch one to see if it is really fresh. It really is. That means someone has been here recently. I turn and walk to the bedroom door and peek in. I see an odd bay window only it juts into the room, not out. I see a bed with two old people, a man and a woman sleeping in my bed. I am shocked. I tip toe out, embarrassed. Perhaps I'm in the wrong cabin. I stand on the porch. I see a baby elephant, a cat and a baby coming toward me. They all want the baby bottle full of milk. The elephant is sucking on it. Then the cat uses it. I hand it to the baby as well so It can get a sip. I wonder if sharing that bottle is safe. I go back into the small vacation trailer Gaston and I share. I want to go to the business office and complain about these old people in my cabin. We walk together to the office. We go in and I am surprised to see my \"ex-husband\" Richard there. He's the boss. I am annoyed. He won't listen to my problem well. Gaston and I walk out again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3795", 
            "content": "(04/19/00)[\"Respect in relationship.\"] Ginny is going to the coast with Ernie for a weekend to celebrate their anniversary. I am negotiating with a man similar to Perry of Uni House. We are beginning a relationship of love and we want to talk about what our priorities are. We agree that respect is the most important. Treating each other with respect at all times. We agree that love is also important. After that, we can't think of any more priorities. Respect is so important it over shadows the others. We are happy with each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3796", 
            "content": "(04/20/00)[\"Performance excellence.\"] I am in a room with other students. I am asked to audition for a part with a Uni house young student, female. We go in front of the class, seated at a small card table and do a scene. We are very good and impress the woman teacher. She asks me to be in the upcoming production. I wait, atfer class, to get instructions. She has me try on a dress, a costume, for the play. It is too long and we are pinning it up for the hem. She wants me to hem it. I sigh. That's hard work for my hands but I don't say anything. Then I see the bottom part is completely cut off and the dress is now at the knee. I think that will be an easier job to hem."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3797", 
            "content": "(04/21/00)[\"Baby potty seat.\"] I am sitting on a baby potty seat. I have a large gravelly bowel movement. I am sitting outside in public. People are around. A male old high school acquaintance comes by. He wants to chat. I am embarrassed. I try to wipe myself and put a paper over the mess. I try to hide myself by keeping him in front of me so he can't see."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3798", 
            "content": "(04/21/00)[\"Dora visits.\"] I am trying to get ready to go to an English class. Things aren't working well. I am going to be late. My girls interrupt and take my time. I look for some papers. Suddenly Dora shows up. She wants me to take a drive with her. She is driving. I see she is about to drive down a steep hill without a road. I say to her. There is no road here. She just drives on. It is bumpy but we manage to get to the bottom safely. I see large rocks that could stop us, but she drives over them also. Now we are on city streets. I sigh in frustration. I am late. I decide to give up trying to get to class. After all, I haven't skipped classes all term, so it's probably all right. Now Dora is walking. I see she is in a marching band costume and carrying her tuba, which is in two parts. Charla helps carry it. We cross a street. I ask her if she just returned from her Marching Band class. She doesn't really respond. Now we are inside a school. I see a classroom Number 357. I think maybe this is my English classroom. I think about going in. Lots of students, including a man in a manual wheelchair are rushing in. The class is about to start. I decide not to go in. We walk down a hall. Now I realize that I made the wrong decision. I needed to present a speech in the class in order to qualify for the speech contest. I won't be able to participate. I feel disappointed and upset with myself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3799", 
            "content": "(04/23/00)[\"Weird bugs; weird men.\"] I am standing outside talking with the local TV weatherman. He is extremely tall and I tip back my head to be able to see him. He asks me what I do. I list Counseling, writing, and then I list types of things I'd written like 1 novel, lots of plays, poetry, etc. I tell him I performed. Then I remember I teach. I taught the 3rd grade. I say. I hope he is impressed. He says he is busy right now but would I sit in the cafe and wait for him there. I agree. We go into a cafe. I sit at a table alone. As I sit there, another man at another table watches me. Another man walks over to talk. I decide the man at the table is a red neck and the one talking to me is very good looking but not very intelligent. I decide he's be OK as a Shakespearean actor. I feel conspicuous and uncomfortable. Suddenly I see a big ugly cockroach walking across my table. I am disgusted and nervous. Then I see a huge bug with very elaborate antenna curling above and around him. I stand up, moving away from the table hurriedly. I feel squeamish. A woman waiter comes over and ridicules me for being afraid. She sys its just a squirrel. I get very angry at her and punch her out. We fight, rolling around on the floor. Now I leave and rush home. Charla is there. We go in and I look around, afraid I will see more of these bugs. I see a sort of ordinary cockroach or black bug on the wall. I peer anxiously up at the ceilings, afraid they will drop down on me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3800", 
            "content": "(04/24/00)[\"Man desperately wants me. I am afraid.\"] A man is desperately in love with me. He is consumed by the need. I am afraid of him. He could hurt me. He is stalking me. I run down the hall from an apartment and sneak into another apartment, because he broke into my apartment to get to me. I hope the owner is not home. I listen intently at the door. The man is coming. I also see the owner of the apartment is home. I hide under a counter with a curtain across the recessed area. Both men are talking about me. Asking where I am. I am afraid. He will find me. He might kill me. I am not attracted to him but am amazed at the intensity of his feelings for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3801", 
            "content": "(04/30/00)[\"Naked everyone.\"] Jake comes into my house, only it's not my house. I don't recognize it. He is naked and lies on the floor. I sit up in bed. I then see Charla has taken off her clothes and is naked. Another woman walks around naked. I am concerned. I tell Charla she has to put her clothes on. I whisper to Jake, embarrassed to tell him, that it's not OK for him to be naked out in public where other people are. He says why. And just continues lying there. Charla gets up on the bed with me and has her clothes on now. We laugh and hug. Now I look at Jake, curious what his penis looks like. It's sort of small. I quickly look away, embarrassed by my curiosity. Now Jake gets up and walks into the next room to watch football on TV. I don't know what to do to make him get dressed. A man comes to the door. He says he hurt himself picking up my wheelchair. He wriggles his back like its injured. I am annoyed with him for over acting his injury. I didn't ask him to pick it up. It wasn't my fault."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3802", 
            "content": "(05/01/00)[\"Stairways to school.\"] I am going to school again. There are lots of stairways. I tell a nice man that I have trouble getting around with so many stairs to walk. He is helpful. Ginny is there. We are traveling in a white car. I am repacking stuff in the back seat. I place a milk jug in the back window area. I wonder if it will go bad if I leave it there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3803", 
            "content": "(05/02/00)[\"Naked Bill Robbins.\"] Bill R. and another programmer are naked in a bath tub. They are shy about the fact that I can see them. I am in no hurry to leave. They wait in the tub for me to go. I want to learn some programming from them. Bill is chubby like Jake was 2 dreams ago. He has soap suds on his thighs."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3804", 
            "content": "(05/03/00)[\"Going to a conference.\"] Theodore and his lady and me are going to a conference. We are chatting and enjoying each other's company. We are in a building in the basement floor. A long hall, lots of classrooms off it. We are walking as we talk. I look into some of the classroom doors and see that toastmaster people are in there. I see a couple like Clay and Loretta but they are also like Shirley and her husband from the conference. Apparently, a conference for them is going on as well. I see Lois in the hall and we walk along chatting. I see that lunch is being set up in the cafeteria. I go in and also see a bookstore in the same area. I decide to look in the bookstore until lunch is ready. I walk up and down the aisles looking at the merchandize. Staple boxes, and stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3805", 
            "content": "(05/03/00)[\"Saving Judith from a bad fall.\"] I am in my wheelchair and traveling sown a road and across a long bridge in a big city. I am looking for the way to get back on the freeway. I keep getting lost. I come to a \"T\" intersection and turn left. I go a few blocks and then realize I might be going the wrong way. I turn and retrace my steps. Now I am going up an on ramp to a long bridge. Dora and Judith are with me now. We decide to race. Now the on ramp is a steep incline and is enclosed. We go fast, laughing. Judith is in a manual chair and nearly beating me. I go faster and get ahead. Then I am stopped by a wall with window blinds on it. I am disappointed because I lost my lead as we are all stopped there. I push a button on the side wall and a blind raises. But there's another one there. I push the button again and this keeps happening. Finally the last one is raised. Judith rushes to get through first but then falls, I grab her foot and she is suddenly dangling over a long drop. I hang on tight and slowly pull her up. It is difficult. She turns and I get a grip on her leg and she climbs with my help to safety. Her chair had fallen. I look down and am shocked to see how long a drop it is. I offer her a ride on the back of my wheelchair. Dora is now walking with a stroller to push. We coordinate how we are going to return down the incline and find another way to our destination."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3806", 
            "content": "(05/04/00)[\"Fickle lover.\"] Michael J. Fox is in love with a woman. I/a woman come into the room. He decides he is in love with me. I am distressed that he could fall in and out of love so easily. I like him but I don't encourage him. The group is having a discussion about how to label something. One is about the definition meaning women are better. The other is about how men are better. I try to articulate a third option of individuals regardless of gender being judged on their merits. I have trouble getting my idea spoken cogently. I tell them I will rethink it and come back with a clear definition. He follows me around. I decide to go out on the lunch break and help the men workers pick beans. I find the place on the vines where they had stopped working for the lunch break. I know this is it, because the ones they picked are stacked up on bookshelves in the vines. I leave them alone and pick more, putting them in a metal platter. It fills up quickly. I then look at the interesting books on the book shelves in the vines. I see some of my library books were mistakenly placed with the other books and pull them off the shelves."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3807", 
            "content": "(05/05/00)[\"Doing the dishes at family reunion.\"] I had bussed to the family reunion for the Sanders's. Aunt Naomi had driven down the night before to accompany me. She had wanted to party with me but I got busy packing and getting ready. I regret not taking the time to party with her. She drove her car and followed the bus I was on. Now I am in a large dining hall. My cousin is having difficulty getting his food and cleaning up the table he is seated at. I decide to help him. I walk back and forth from the table to the sink carrying dirty dishes. It is piled high at the sink with dirty dishes. I decide to wash them all to make room for more food coming in as more family arrive. There are double metal sinks, very deep. A woman cousin like Patricia comes by to bring more dishes. I wash and wash dish after dish. Bowls, silverware mostly. More female cousins come in and ask me did I enjoy Naomi's visit. I express my regret at not taking the time to have more fun and visit with her more."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3808", 
            "content": "(05/06/00)[\"Looking for MY room.\"] I am in a house and am walking from room to room looking for the room I will move into. The rooms are small and ordinary. I see a front bedroom, which someone else already has moved into. I walk to the next room. I see a nice large kitchen. The biggest room there. Some of the appliances are duplicated. Two stoves. I open the next door and see the back of a man in a bathtub. I like this room. Wish I could have it. I tip toe out so as not to disturb the man. I only find one empty room. It is a large closet with plain plywood walls and no windows. I am disappointed, but this seems to be the only room available to me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3809", 
            "content": "(05/07/00)[\"Counseling a counselor.\"] I am working as a counselor with a woman who is a counselor. I am reading her test results. She is very nervous and I encourage her to listen to the results. They will help her. I see a blues harp glued to the page I am reading. I see hers is an \"E\" harp and mine is an \"a\" harp. I suggest we can have fun harmonizing with each other. A man, like Tim Allen, sits beside us, playing a guitar and a blues harp. The music is bluesy and fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3810", 
            "content": "(05/07/00)[\"Doing high school again and quitting.\"] I decided to go back and do high school all over again. I get up to prepare for the school day. I am dressing. I try on a pair of jeans, my old jeans from when I was skinnier. They seem to fit now. Then I notice they aren't my jeans, but Ellie's old jeans. They are way too large for me. But still ok to wear. I am gathering up my books and papers to go to school. I know I will be late and try to hurry. Then I begin to think about maybe not finishing this course. I don't really need it, I did fine the first time through. I think I am doing this just to refresh myself of knowledge. A fun thing, but it's a lot of work now. I decide to quit and not go anymore. I haven't been there for days and am behind in my work."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3811", 
            "content": "(05/07/00)[\"Going to Russia.\"] I am with a group of people. We are traveling together like a group from MIUSA. A man like Drew Carey who is like Arthur is there. I like him. His wife was killed or died and he had her stuffed and placed on the bulletin board of the classroom so we would remember her. I move her aside when putting up another poster. Someone takes her to put away so she won't be injured. A Warren Beatty type man is there and there is some friendly competition between Drew and Warren about the group. I side with Drew. We are outside now, walking down a sidewalk. Apparently we are headed for Russia. It's an exchange learning group. We arrive and are speaking with a Russian woman. She is trying to better her English. She speaks in Russian and the interpreter tells me what she says. Then I explain to her that her syntax or pattern is wrong. I then tell her how to say it right. Drew and I are friends."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3812", 
            "content": "(05/10/00)[\"Capture and escape.\"] I am one of many captured people, all kept in long rows. The large face of the owner alien is projected like on a big screen. He demands I do something. I am exhausted and fed up with being a slave. I refuse. Everyone stares at me with horror, expecting me to be killed instantly. The owner is angry and demands again that I do it. I refuse again. Then one other joins me and then another until we all refuse. We have won. I then attempt to escape by crawling under all the people in the rows but my progress in seen because I disrupt the people and their movements show where I'm going. I then crawl back toward a fence and leap over the fence. A large alien woman sees me and tells. I then am in a bathroom where I am going to take a bath as I've been so dirty and ill kept for so long. But a man I used to be married to leaps into the tub and lies there naked and grinning at me. I get in the tub anyway. I want that bath. He likes me and has very sensual full lips. A good looking man. Tall and well built. Dark curly hair. His wish for me feels like Howard. I try to ignore him as I stand in the tub showering and washing. I get out and see several boys, perhaps my abandoned children wet and near by. I reach out to dry off the hair of one of them. He flinches away from my touch. He doesn't want to believe in my love because he will be hurt again. I gently rub his hair and arm with the towel. He really wants to relax into the love. I feel sad for what I did to him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3813", 
            "content": "(05/10/00)[\"Making love to Lance.\"] Paulina and Lance and the boys are with me. We are outdoors. Maybe camping, on vacation. Lance is very attracted to me. I find him sexually exciting. He lies down beside me, eager to be close. I tell him we mustn't make love because Paulina and the boys are near by. I want to make love to him. I feel the sexual desire. But I also feel guilty about hurting Paulina. The sexual desire seems stronger than the concern for Paulina. I lean into him, making sexual moves against his penis. We both want it. Then I see Paulina, who is suspicious. I pull away from Lance and talk to her, feeling guilty."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3814", 
            "content": "(05/13/00)[\"Reaching for the goal.\"] I am with the community college Counselors again. Chuck is preparing to begin a game called \"Reach For A Goal.\" He has decided to go on a river run and fishing expedition. He is explaining this game is very useful. It teaches people how to succeed and stretch their boundaries. He asks who will hold his wallet and money for him while he goes. No one volunteers, so I say I will. He hands it to me. I see a black wallet like mine stuffed with one hundred dollar bills. I feel some responsibility to keep them safe. Then as Chuck is talking, I see his head on the ground, like he is buried to his neck in the ground or his head is simply off his body. Dylan sitting on my right says that game is similar to the one I'm playing called Build An Acquisition. He says he bought an orchard and now will create a crop and till the soil and make it work well. Both these games sound very good to me. I walk back into the building and call Bonnie on the phone in the hall. She is a department head and I tell her about these games. She too can benefit. I am aware Dylan is near by and I hope he hears me and approves."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3815", 
            "content": "(05/14/00)[\"Cleaning out the carbos.\"] I am in an office building. I have an office. I walk down a hall and see an opened cupboard. It is my old one but some one else opened it. I see it is stuffed with boxes of Oreo cookies, breads and other high carb foods. I think they've been there for several years and may be stale by now. I wonder if I should give them away to Charla or someone and clean out the cupboard. I see a set of keys in the lock with the identifying name of Babbles as the nickname and Adore somebody as the real name. An office manager here who opened the cupboard without my permission. I also see my old desk in the middle of the hall and phones. I lift the receiver and see the phone line is dead. I really should return all this stuff so others can use them as I have my own office now and don't use these things. I see several secretaries and wonder which one I should talk with to get this taken care of."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3816", 
            "content": "(05/17/00)[\"Men and women communicating.\"] Davey and I are talking about how very difficult communication is between men and women. I use a hand gesture where one hand is moving one direction and the other one just under it is moving in the other to demonstrate how we are talking past each other. Davey and I are friendly and into this conversation."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3817", 
            "content": "(05/17/00)[\"Attracted to what I disapprove of.\"] A woman is attracted to a fast and loose man. I give her the advice that it will do her no good to date him, and she will end up hurt. She of course ignores me and dates him. Meanwhile, I get into a very fancy red sports car to drive to a party. I like the way the car looks and I like to drive fast. I am driving through some junky bad streets. I carefully drive, fast, and miss the curbs and debris in the road. I am pleased with my driving skill. I get to the bar and go in. I am looking around. A good looking man asks me to dance. I dance with him, aware that he's probably just as bad as the man I advised against. I see him and the woman also dancing there. The man I am with dips me in the dance and I am now leaning into the other couple. I am now attracted to the other man and we flirt."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3818", 
            "content": "(05/18/00)[\"Spies in the office.\"] I am in an office building. A man (like the young man of Uni house who wanted to seduce me) is coming to steal something important. I am setting up a trap to capture him. I enlist the help of several people. I have one hiding in a closet. He is eating M and M's and trying to stay awake. At the last moment, a woman employee goes in to talk with the woman boss. I signal her not to tell anything. She doesn't understand and wants to tell the boss. I hiss at her and say in a tense whisper, Do not say anything. That's an order. I suspect the boss is in on the theft plot. I demand the employee come out to the hall and I explain to her in a conspirator whisper that I suspect the boss. The employee is shocked and thinks I'm crazy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3819", 
            "content": "(05/19/00)[\"Dancing lessons, kittens and jewelry.\"] I am in a building. Some man is giving me dancing lessons. He belongs to a group of people who learn dances, like a Toastmaster's group. He shows me the steps. Toe first, heel second on right foot and the reverse on the left foot. I follow along. Then he holds me close to guide me in the dance. I catch on after some mistakes. I enjoy dancing close. Now Ginny is there and she and I are walking up some stairs. Kittens are kept there. It's like a animal shelter for stray kittens. There are many of them. I pet them and play with them. Some are brown tiger striped kitties. One is white and black spots. I put that one in a paper bag to take home. It is cute. I peek in to see if it's OK. I am worried they will be neglected. Now I find some jewelry of mine I haven't seen for a long time. Beaded necklaces, and so on. I wrap the necklaces around my finger and make a big ring out of it. I enjoy seeing the jewelry again. Maybe I should wear them more often. The dancing man watches."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3820", 
            "content": "(05/20/00)[\"Retiring from teaching.\"] I am retiring from teaching at an elementary school. It is an assembly where the kids are all seated. Some still coming in. The kids are singing and speaking about how they will miss me. One boy crawls up on my lap and we hug. Then I release him to his playmates. I get in front of the audience and tell them goodbye. I shall miss them very much. Even though I am retired, I will come and visit them and do some activities with them. I think I am going to Hawaii. I feel like crying but I also feel happy. Lots of love going both ways."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3821", 
            "content": "(05/22/00)[\"Velvet yellow and green keys on accordion.\"] I am on a bus like a city bus. With family (only I don't know these people in real life.) The bus is very crowded. Many people crowd on. My mother has to stand. Dovre is there. A small girl who is mentally retarded and is related is there. I see \"video\" pictures of family gatherings. I see my face all angry and upset because she leaned on me and it hurt. I see some other similar scenes of unhappy people at family gatherings. I comment that oh well, sometimes it happens. No family is perfect. Life goes on. The girl wants my attention and I reluctantly give it. I am standing up and amazed I can do so without pain. I am starting to feel tired. The girl has an accordion she used to play I stroke the velvet keys, yellow and green they are. I show her how to pick out a tune. I like the accordion and want her to give it to me. Dovre is shocked I would take it from her as it is an important memory thing for her. I am a bit callous and figure she won't miss it for long. I look out the window and we are traveling down a narrow one lane road. The trees almost form a tunnel exactly big enough for the bus to get through. I see large black animals with huge snouts and tusks. I call out to \"Dad\" and say look at the pig dogs. He stretches in order to see out the back window and sees them. We are passing through an old town, maybe one I know. I look for landmarks I would recognize. Maybe the old house we used to live in. Now I'm at \"home\" and unpacking. A piece of round moss from Dovre, some old ballet slippers and I put these things on a shelf in a bowl to keep them as keepsakes. I am trying to show Dovre I really care."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3822", 
            "content": "(05/24/00)[\"Wanting Drew Carey.\"] I am in a house with Drew Carey. I want him sexually. I arrange some pillows from a cupboard on the floor to make a comfortable resting place. I take off my clothes and lie down, waiting for him to join me. He doesn't come to me. He chooses to lie down on a bed in another room. I get up and drape a white towel around me and walk into the bedroom. I catch him trying to run up the stairs to avoid me. He feels embarrassed. I ask him to explain what's going on for him. We lie down on a couch. Our heads at opposite ends as we talk. He says he feels uncomfortable jumping right into sex. He'd like it better if we talked a long time and got to know each other. I agree. I tell him I think he is intelligent and I enjoy the creativity he shows. He seems shy. I touch him on the leg as we talk."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3823", 
            "content": "(05/24/00)[\"Finding a spacious room in my house.\"] I live in a tiny house. I am telling a woman who works for me where and what plants to trim or work with. There is a huge colorful cricket on one plant. It is very cute. White, like it has a satin tuxedo on. The woman uses a paper towel to pick it up. We walk across a hall into a courtyard. She releases it out there. I walk into the courtyard and walk around it in amazement. I didn't know this house had this. It is spacious, enclosed, a room and lovely. A brick fireplace, a high window where I look back out at the courtyard and see a high window and lots of big pretty plants there. When I lie on the couch that is my view. As I walk around I find three or four different pianos and organs. They are all broken. One doesn't have any keys. Another, an organ will play but it's out of tune and vibrates oddly. I really like this room. I wonder why I've lived so long in the house in the ordinary cramped rooms and not out here. I decide to move in immediately. I imagine nice fires in the fireplace."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3824", 
            "content": "(05/27/00)[\"Van is stolen.\"] Dovre and I are talking on a cell phone. I am standing outside near a freeway. I am trying to return home from S City. She asks where the van is and I look and see that Michael K. (new dreamer in group) is stealing it. He turns right onto the freeway, the opposite direction I need to go to get home. I try and run after him, calling out, stop. Hey. He stole my van. I turn left and run down a rutted dirt path. It is hard to keep up the pace. I am growing tired."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3825", 
            "content": "(05/28/00)[\"Beautiful garden and burnt backs of houses.\"] I am in a house. I slept the night with the daughter of the house, a younger friend of mine. I am trying to help her out. We are up and talking with her father, a very good looking well built man. The woman says she is a lesbian. I am a little upset, thinking I'd wished I'd known that before I slept with her. I feel nervous. Then I tell myself I'm being silly because there was no sexual part of our night. I am aware that I am prejudiced about lesbians and feel guilty about it. I let it go. Now there is a needlepointed sign or banner over the window. The name of a society that helps mentally ill people. The Philo-something society. I am interested in this because of the woman. Her father is going to get her signed up for this society. I notice the fee is $70,000 to join. I know I can't afford it for me, but hopefully I can attend as a helper of the woman. I decide it is time for me to leave this house. I am attracted to the concert going on in the house across the street. I walk into the room and sit, listening to the small built man singing. I like the songs very much. The man gives me intense eye contact as he realizes I love his music. He and I are attracted. He finishes singing and I get up and walk out of the house. He follows me asking, \"Do you hear that lovely sound?\" I say yes. I love the sound of rushing water in a brook. He says do you smell the flowers perfume? I say yes. It is exquisite. He says come look at my beautiful garden. I walk along the side of the house to the back. I see an elaborate pattern of huge roots intertwined. It is very beautiful. Like a wrought iron pattern. Circles and intertwined figure eights.. Then I get on a swing and swing back and forth across the back yard which is a smooth shallow pond. He joins me and we swing together. We get off on the other side of the pond and stand at a stone wall which marks the end of his property. I say to him, I see that the ordinary world lies beyond here. It is not pretty. We look back to the back of his house. He says it doesn't look good. I see that the walls have been burned but the pattern with the left over blue paint and the blackened spots are beautiful. I say no, it looks pretty. The house across the street is the one that looks bad. It is badly burned and charred. I then see the woman come out all dressed up in a formal dark dress and a bun hairdo. She's ready to go out on the town. I am concerned. I say to the man I have to return and help. He follows me as I swing across the pond and walk to the other house. I go in and find the extremely good looking father lying naked on a couch. He wants me to join him. I say no. You have a beautiful face. Your body is beautiful. You are intelligent and kind. But you can't share your feelings.. I bring his daughter to the couch. They sit facing each other. I say she's leaving because you can't share your emotions with her. I try to assist them to speak to each other. The singing man watches, waiting for this to be done so we can go away together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3826", 
            "content": "(05/29/00)[\"Spatial perceptions.\"] I am working with a group of people. I am creating designs. I tell a man that I have these plans but I had to struggle because my spatial perception isn't as good as I need. I quickly tell him that my spatial perception is above average, mind you, but it isn't up to the level I need."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3827", 
            "content": "(05/29/00)[\"Beautiful eclipse.\"] I am in the old Mac house. I step outside to see the sky. It is mid afternoon but it is as dark as night. I see clouds, dark and black, then the night sky with many stars. I step off the porch and turn to see the eclipse. I remember that to look at one with the naked eye could be damaging to my eyesight. I see a round darkened sun with three or four sparkly lights where the moon is beginning to move from the edge revealing the sun. It is beautiful to see. I comment on its beauty to my mother who is standing on the porch. I see leaves and their shadows on the house front wall and for a moment think that is the eclipse."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3828", 
            "content": "(05/29/00)[\"Weird cake.\"] I made a cake. I am frosting it. This is for some special presentation for a group of people. The loaf cake breaks in two or three pieces. I place it back together and spread the chocolate frosting on the top. Then I drizzle some extra chocolate on the top of the frosting. It makes a pretty pattern. Then I have more frosting left, so I begin to plop big blobs of it on the cake and ruin the pretty look of it. However, it does have lots of chocolate and tastes great."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3829", 
            "content": "(05/30/00)[\"Grandma Maude and Grandpa Lee are ill.\"] I am setting up a shop where items made by people with disabilities are being sold. I have many small colorful knick knacks on the wall for display. People are coming in and looking around as I am setting things up. A small girl is left unattended by her mother who is outside looking at things. I see she breaks a small doll. I take her hand and walk her out to her mom and lecture the mother about leaving her unattended. I ask the mother to pay for the broken item. She is annoyed with me. I walk back in and now see there are two or three rooms. I explore each one. Pretty furniture, lots of things on display. The colorful items remind me of bright yarn dolls made by Guatemalan Indians. Now I am in a room where Grandma Maude is resting on a couch. My mother sits near her. I see Grandpa Lee sitting in a chair on my right. I hear Grandpa Lee making a clicking sound with his very fat tongue. He is ill. I then see Grandma Maude has slipped off the couch and fallen on the floor. I realize I am the healthiest person in the room, which isn't saying much. I find it ironic. I struggle over there and roll her gently back on the couch. She is thin and sweating. I am concerned for her. She is also very ill."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3830", 
            "content": "(05/31/00)[\"Ginny helps me travel.\"] I am packing to go to Dover for a while. I will be staying at a friend's apartment. I think the person's name is Kathy. Ginny is with me. She is going to fly the small plane we will be traveling in. I find the keys for her. She refuses them, annoyed with me. I am confused because I thought she'd need them. The key to the airplane and the key to the apartment. I continue trying to pack."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3831", 
            "content": "(06/04/00)[\"Swimming the river of grades.\"] I am visiting Charla at school. Only the school is outdoors. Each grade is on a different side of the river. I must cross the river to talk with each grade teacher. The 5th grade is at a shallow part. I can manage that one OK. The next on I need to go to (6th grade is up stream and it is very deep. Perhaps waist to chest deep. I am afraid of it. I decide to go back two grades and see that teacher. I look in the river and see it is a dug out \"lake\" very deep like a swimming pool. I hesitate jumping in. I explain I am afraid of deep water. I then say Oh, to hell with it and jump in and swim a few feet to the edge and struggle to get out of the steep embankment. Now I go back to the 6th grade teacher. Charla and I sit down after cross the river. I say to the teacher I need to explain something about Charla. Charla cries out, annoyed, why do you have to tell everyone? Why do they have to know. I say its to help you out. They can work with you better if they understand. Charla pouts and then says Ok, but I'll tell her. She says its a cross between hypnosis and...I begin to choke from a throat seizure (and wake up.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3832", 
            "content": "(06/04/00)[\"Finding the river.\"] I am in a wheelchair. I am trying to cross a street because I want to see the river. I am going to write a book and the river tells the story. I look to my left across the street and see a restaurant on a hill overlooking the river. The perfect place to write the river story. Two or three other people join me. Another person in a manual wheelchair. We go up the hill to the restaurant. The others go in first. I see a right turn into the restaurant from the hall. It is a tight fit because a blue piano is by the door. I tell the woman at the door I can fit. Just barely. We wheel in and go to a table right in front of the window. I stand up to see better. I see a small river with beautiful trees on the banks. I am very pleased with this river. It is exactly the right kind. It is smaller and shallower than the main river I first saw. I sit to begin writing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3833", 
            "content": "(06/04/00)[\"Talking about Charla.\"] I am talking with a woman. She and I are friends. It is a pleasant talk. Then I am dressed in a short brown skirt and nylons. I am young and thin. I sit on the floor. I am talking with the woman and several men, like Chuck and a nice man are listening in. The nice man comes over and sits beside me. He is curled up comfortably very close to me. I like him and would love to cuddle with him, but I am aware that he is married. He asks me how old Charla is and I say 14 years old. Then he asks how is she doing. I explain that she has trouble because she has a chemical imbalance. He is sympathetic for her and for me. He then comes close and brushes something gently away from my eye. I at first think he is trying to kiss me. I lean into it, wanting it, then I pull back because it would be wrong. He looks at me, wondering what I'm doing. I smile apologetically. We continue talking in a friendly way about Charla."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3834", 
            "content": "(06/05/00)[\"Moving to another house.\"] I moved into a new house. I rented it furnished. I notice the TV is small and old. I ask Bonnie who is helping me move to bring my 32\" TV from my bedroom and my other TV as well. She agrees to help. I walk outside to check out the neighborhood. I see a restaurant where I can eat pancakes and syrup. As I come out I see it is next door to the public library (which looks like the Old MM City library.) I am very happy about this. I walk a few more blocks to find the street I turn left on to get to my new house. I try to see the street sign in order to remember what the street name is called. I am remembering how to get back to my house when I leave it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3835", 
            "content": "(06/06/00)[\"Ocean bites our butts on the couch.\"] I am visiting someone's house. We are outside. Bonnie has asked the owner of the house if she could keep her plants there for awhile. She is there to visit them and see how they are doing. I look out and see the ocean quite a ways away. Bonnie and I greet each other. Then I see a wave coming toward us. We are surprised and begin to run toward the house. We are going up a very steep sand dune and Bonnie is on her belly flailing away. I am crawling. It is hard going. We struggle and barely make it to the open carport. We sit on a couch and the wave comes right up to us. Even spraying us a bit. We are very surprised. Now Bonnie is stirring a huge metal bowl full of figs and nuts. She calls this an orchard mix she made. Sort of like a cookie dough. She looks at her hanging plants. Someone isn't taking good care of them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3836", 
            "content": "(06/07/00)[\"Pretty cat and pregnant clothes.\"] I am in a bed, sleeping. A long haired black and white spotted cat is let in the room, perhaps by my daughter Ellie. The cat stretches up on the wall to play with the ticking coo-coo clock. Then I see an image of myself in an outfit. My belly is huge. I look pregnant. I choose to change my outfit to one that makes me look slimmer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3837", 
            "content": "(06/08/00)[\"Selling dreams.\"] I am in a room where a presentation of various dream product sales people are preparing to sell their wares. They are all seated in two rows in an alcove and then in a raised bleacher thing up on the wall. Two women were standing on a raised platform near the ceiling. They were signaling to the audience with their wares. Finally, I get up on the alcove stage area to start the show. A big wall keeps appearing to my left in front of me which obscures the audiences view. I think it out of the way but it returns several times. I tell the small audience that I will begin the show. I will give each salesperson a chance to sell their wares (this surprises the women) They thought they'd have to sneak attention. Then I point out a wall of small dream products and say contrary to what it looks like, we aren't just here to sell dream products. We have a good show for you. Later, I am seated in the audience, waiting. A bathroom is down a step in a hall. I will it to be accessible on the same floor level. It changes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3838", 
            "content": "(06/10/00)[\"Murdering my family.\"] There are two of \"me.\" We are like twins. Pretty, young, blonde. I am the hard working counselor. She is a psychopath. She wears sexy clothes, I wear conservative clothes. She puts her baby, child and husband in a deep snow bank and shoves them under even deeper. They are freezing. There are odd squares of \"snow\" with imprints of some design on them. I or she keeps moving them aside. Then she pulls them out of the snow and puts them in a coffin like crate. She feels some guilt. She could take care of them now and they would be safe. But she shrugs her shoulders and leaves them in the crate, dragging it into a house and hiding it in a couch. Some little girl, a neighbor is there and helps her. She doesn't tell the little girl they are burying people alive. She leaves them there to die, still feeling some twinges of guilt. Now she comes in search of me. She takes over my body. My clothes transform into a tight angora sweater, nylons and a short black skirt. I am now her or visa versa. She walks the halls of my school where I work and causes problems for people, not caring anything about them. She laughs. Now she (me) and Charla are walking, looking for a bathroom. We find one. But a woman is in the stall and it is messy and stinky. She/I walk back out saying it is too stinky and we will find another one. My mother comes to us and says why were you doing (something). She is suspicious of me now. I sign, annoyed, because I am going to have to kill her again. I take a picture of a tiger on a black background. I decide to keep it and take it to my room which has opaque windows and a door with a clear glass window in it. The paste or glue is on the picture side, so I place it on the inside of the door window. My mother asks me what I am doing. I ignore her. Now Charla and I are walking down a street. I look up and see a square cloud with very well defined edges. It is moving very fast and it is dark. It is headed out to sea. I watch with interest. Now it is an odd square shaped boat/plane flying back in. I go aboard it and I see a man. He is very attracted to me. As he approaches, smiling and preparing to give me a line, I pull out a golden pistol and shove it in his face. I am going to kill him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3839", 
            "content": "(06/11/00)[\"Not being professional.\"] I am watching a scene from my past when I was learning to be a counselor. I have long thick reddish hair. I am conducting an interview of a client under supervision. I hear the woman supervisor commenting I had not done it well. I had made sexually suggestive remarks to the male client and did other things that were not appropriate in terms of the psychological safety of the client. I feel embarrassed for myself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3840", 
            "content": "(06/13/00)[\"Wild storm kills.\"] I am in a big house. I look out the window and see a hurricane funnel over the ocean coming toward the house. We are in danger. My \"mom\" and little sister go hide in the basement. Two elderly aunties go upstairs and my \"dad\" and young brother go outside on the porch. I can't decide where I should go to be safe. The storm is upon us. I hesitate, almost dash down to the basement and at the last moment dash upstairs. The two elderly aunties are lying in a bed moaning and groaning in fear. I run to the window. The sky is completely dark. I see a fireman being sucked out the front door through the window glass. I am sure he is dead. I realize that \"Dad\" and \"brother\" are dead. I see the sky clearing. The storm has passed. I survived it. I am sad because my \"mom\" and \"sister\" did not survive it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3841", 
            "content": "(06/13/00)[\"Ernie is ill.\"] I am at a table with a group of kids who are rehearsing a play I wrote. One of the kids is a full grown Mirabelle. She acts her part, saying \"He's mine, he's mine.\" Then walking over to another actor. I say stop. That's not quite right. I need you to say more and wildly pull at your hair. I keep thinking her name is Mary, not Mirabelle. Then I look out the window and see Ernie in the driver's seat of a dark green beat up VW bus. I laugh and say where did he get that? Ginny says a woman gave it to him, because he is ill and goes to Boise to see a special doctor (Dr. Arquette). I see then that Ernie looks plump and not well. I am glad to see him. I haven't seen him for along time. I hope he feels better soon. I wonder for a moment if the doctor was mine in S City."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3842", 
            "content": "(06/14/00)[\"Learning my ABC's.\"] I am learning school stuff. Someone asks me to study the SQL book. I say I'm not up to that right now. So I decide to work on my spelling. I am handed a 3rd grade spelling book. This seems a bit remedial. But I begin the task."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3843", 
            "head": "06/16/00", 
            "content": "A woman is creating a dream software package. She's ahead of my work, I am thinking. She has published her own hard cover book. I am jealous. I read it, and am relieved to see that there isn't anything of substance, just pretty flower pictures. I read a critical negative sentence about Ricardo and how he didn't really do a good job. I am distainful of her. I know he created lots of good stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3844", 
            "head": "06/18/00", 
            "content": "I am attending a dream workshop put on by a group of con artists who are running a scam on dream religion. They charge large prices for the series of workshops and religious experiences. I know they are cons but ignore their clever cons to continue on the \"path.\" I took this basic workshop 3 times because I am interested in the dream path religion. The man keeps trying to intice me into believing. I smile and continue ignoring him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3845", 
            "content": "(06/19/00)[\"The Tom Sawyer dream.\"] I am in a large house, lots of people. (Like Uni house) The parents left for a while. (a week). So no one cleans up. The long tables in the dining hall are covered with dirty dishes. I come in and say someone should clean this up. Everyone just ignores me. It's too big a job, overwhelming. I'm cheerfully picking up a plate and a fork and go to the sink with them. I fill it with hot soapy water and begin scrubbing the dried food off the dishes. It is hard work but I continue cheerfully to do the dishes, one at a time. I keep asking people to help. I make jokes and try to make it fun. After awhile, someone starts helping. We playfully make a game out of it. More people come and help. Now everyone is helping and things are getting cleaned up. Sorority women come in and are disdainful. We ignore them and look like we are having fun. (Because we are!) Soon, they help too. Then a punk teen boy says he's not going to help. His clothes are dirty, so I grab him and wash him like I'm hand-washing clothes. I am vigorous and the poor guy yelps as I thrash him around in the sink. I see lots of filthy water come out of the clothes. That will do. I say, and release him.. Now he's willing to help."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3846", 
            "content": "(06/20/00)[\"Michael B.\"] I see Michael B. seated on the left arm of an easy chair. I am attracted to him. I sit on the right arm. I try and chat with him, trying to appear casual. I am thin and young. I wear jeans and a pretty blue short sleeved T-shirt. He chuckles and says Hey, all you need are dairy boots. I say, Oh, I have them. he is amused. I say, yes, my relatives used to own a dairy farm in T City. He says patronizingly, but friendly, So did you get to watch them milk the cows? I say Yeh and I got to milk them too. And chase them around. I seemed important to me to show how active I was in the process. I was trying to impress him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3847", 
            "content": "(06/20/00)[\"Giants try and stop me.\"] I am riding around fast and fearless on a motorcycle. I weave through the traffic with skill. A giant is the traffic cop and stops me. He tells me I can't ride motorcycles anymore. I am upset. I get off, reluctantly. I walk it away from where he can see and get back on and ride around doing circles and lots of fancy riding tricks. Now I am outlawed. I drive away, going around a spiraling circle like in a parking lot, only the center has sand and Mongolian hordes on horses. I must hide from them. As they come around one end of the circle, I ride around the other end. Finally, myself and my traveling companions hide buried up to our necks in the sand as the hordes ride around. We successfully hide from them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3848", 
            "content": "(06/21/00)[\"The river of dreams.\"] I am watching a ritual like dream. A long and elaborately shaped log is in a river. A man dances and bashes his head against it. It is a courtship dance for the attentions of a woman. I am amused by it. It is also beautiful. The log curves around and comes back toward itself. Now I am in a house. Neal is there and his mother. Ginny and Jake and I are visiting him. I am describing the log and the ritual dance to him. His mother is watching with interest as Neal and I are attracted to each other. Jake is making fun of me describing the powerful feelings I had seeing this log and dance in the river. Ginny and I look at each other sympathetically. Jake is embarrassing us. Neal sees him and smiles because he recognizes him from my descriptions of him. Now Neal says something about I have an interesting job for you and begins to walk away. I am intrigued. What kind of job is it? It will be wonderful to have a fascinating job to do. His mother says to him. Tell her!! She is encouraging him. I get up and follow him. He is limping and walking up stairs. I follow, limping also, saying, Don't make this hard for me. Meaning I am determined to follow him and get the information. Even though it hurts. He gets upstairs and walks through a bedroom to another smaller bedroom which is dark. No lights on. He sits on the bed. I follow him in. I then see a huge window and he says Go look. I walk to it totally enthralled at the view. A huge beautiful river with logs floating in it. I exclaim, it's the river and the log just like in my dream. It is very beautiful. It is significant he knew about the river like I'd gotten the dream from him. I feel very connected to him. Love blooms."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3849", 
            "content": "(06/23/00)[\"Women's conference.\"] I am at a women's conference. Older wise women are there. It is a University. I am walking from session to session."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3850", 
            "content": "(06/23/00)[\"Dangerous waters.\"] Doug and Lydia, Dwight, me and Charla are at the beach. We decide we want to go out on the ocean on a boat. I am apprehensive. The waves seem rough and big. We start out through the surf. I keep asking Doug if we have extra gas on board, because we would not want to run out of gas. He says no. Then I ask if there at least some oars on board. In case we run out of gas. I pick one up and begin to paddle. Now we are out in the deep water. The boat is being pitched around by the large waves. They become larger and rougher. I am worried now. I want us to turn around before we'd gone too many miles and run out of gas. We begin to turn the boat around. Charla falls overboard. I am frantic. I can see her sinking under the water. I turn the boat back around and paddle like hell to get to her. I call to her. She seems unconscious. I reach down and grab her hair and pull her up. I get her on board. She isn't breathing. I begin CPR on her, begging her to start breathing. She chokes and becomes conscious, breathing. Thank God. I am relieved. Then I look up and see a huge tidal wave coming at us. I scream. We frantically force the boat to go as fast as it can toward shore. The wave will engulf us. I anticipate how horrible it will be to hold my breath. Maybe we will survive, maybe not. We finally manage to get back on shore, alive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3851", 
            "content": "(06/25/00)[\"Drew Carey live.\"] I am in a room, working on my video project. I sit at my desk. Someone comes in to have me guess who has come to visit me. A curtain is pulled across the left portion of the space by my desk. A man stands behind the curtain. I can see his outline and the yellow suit coat he is wearing. I am not fooled. It is Drew Carey. Someone tells me they are very pleased with my video project and will buy it but I must edit it down more tightly. In particular, the ending segment. I am happy they like it and assure them I will be happy to edit it. I know it needs it. Now I am looking at a survey Lucy has filled out. I read her answers and decide I will answer the same way. I notice she checked on the SEX question that 50% of the time she has sex alone, 40% of the time, sometimes with people and 10% of the time she has sex with someone. I think I should make it more accurate for my situation. But I don't. Now we travel to someplace. We are in a house. Drew Carey has come with us. We are attracted to each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3852", 
            "content": "(06/26/00)[\"Neal visits and I'm not prepared.\"] I am preparing to do a presentation on dreams this weekend. Neal comes to visit. He arrives a day earlier than expected. I am not ready yet. I am trying to greet him, make the preparations for potluck and friends and get the presentation finished. A large group of my female friends come by. I am glad to see them. I need to ask some of them to help out. I look for one called Jennifer to help. As she is one of the more helpful ones. Neal sees a spill of dried food on the blue shag rug. He goes over to help clean it up. I am pleased he seems helpful. I want the presentation to be well done. I want Neal to enjoy the potluck party. He seems to be having a good time. We like each other."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3853", 
            "content": "(06/29/00)[\"Inadequate, false.\"] I am sitting on a couch. I am waiting for a woman director who will work with me on a play. I have the lead part. A man named Kent comes over and sits near me on my right. I am distracted and not real friendly. Suddenly he leans over and kisses me on the mouth. It is a french kiss and I don't find it very interesting. Boring. He is trying to talk me into having sexual relations with him. I am confused and stammering. I am trying to tell him I don't want to with him. I am trying to say his style of asking for it without relationship or love doesn't work with me. Then the woman director comes in. I get up and abandon Kent. The director says she hates false over acted love scenes in movies. I agree. Then she grabs me and pushes me down on the couch planting big over acted false kisses on my cheek near my mouth. I am very uncomfortable, her breasts and mine are pushed together. I want to push her away. I try to go along with the pretend acting and say I know what you mean. Then they writhe around. We pretend to writhe around. Finally she lets go of me to my relief. Then Dovre comes in the room. She just woke up and wants my attention. I tell her, her hair is messy and then, distracted, I abandon her too so I can pay attention to the director's directions. A man director comes in now. He tells me to act some lines. I start. He stops me saying I am not giving it enough passion and action. He mimes for me the gesture of a fish hook catching in my mouth and me writhing like a hooked fish as I deliver the lines. I think that is ridiculous and over acting. Then the woman director says she wants more from me. I try to explain to her that first I need to memorize the lines and then I play with them adding the intensity and emotions. I feel very inadequate. I must have failed. I feel incapable. She does not approve of my methods. She tells me she is disappointed. She had heard so much good stuff about my skills. My reputation had preceded me. Now she is unhappy with my ability. I feel terrible, inadequate and a failure."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3854", 
            "content": "(07/02/00)[\"Bathing Grandma Maude\"] I am working on a project with my computer. I have lots of work to do. I am worried about how the files will transfer from the old style to the new. I am in an office, like at a college. I am distracted by other people needing my attention. Apparently Grandma Maude is very old and fragile and needs a bath. I am distracted but interrupt my work to give her a shower. It is hot. We walk into another room, like a separate cabin. I turn on the shower head on the wall. There is no shower stall or curtain. I pull up a stool for her to sit on. She walks in, naked and not as old or fragile as I thought. I tell her to sit on the stool but she sits on the floor, her legs folded in a lotus position. I am amazed she is so flexible. Her hair is long and flowing, dark with streaks of grey. I shower her and spray myself, even though I am clothed, as it is so hot. Now the shower is done. My mother is on her knees on a couch, singing \"I wonder if I have been abused.\" Over and over. I am a little annoyed at her and also glad because if she is willing to ask questions and check things out, then maybe I'll finally find out if I've been abused."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3855", 
            "content": "(07/03/00)[\"Living on an island.\"] I live in a small hut on a tiny island in a river. The river is flooded and raging. The only way I can get to town is to go hand over hand up a rope tied to the high embankment. I shinny up the rope and crawl through a plastic tarp hiding my entrance. I am in a backyard of a friend of mine. He steps out the back door and says Hi. I ask if his wife is in. He says yes and I go in to visit her. She has built a pottery studio in the house and is busy working on a new piece. I watch her as she is burying a pot in the ashes of a fireplace kiln. Another hot kiln is roaring in an alcove next to the room. I tell her I like her studio and the fact that she built her special space just for her artistic needs. She is going to give me a pot as a gift. She steps around the corner into the living room. I peek in and see ordinary couch and chairs and so on. She hands me a lovely pot. I thank her and go back to the entrance and shinny down the rope to my island. I am approaching the hut and become concerned that someone dangerous is in there waiting for me. I enter cautiously. Sure enough, there is a man there. I pull out a yellow shotgun and point it at him saying back into that corner. If you try and escape I will shoot. I dial 911 on my cell phone for the police. He smiles and pretends to sit up straight or stand up. He is deliberately baiting me. I am poised to shoot. I don't want to kill him, but if I must I will. I warn him again that he had better sit still. At the last moment. I point the gun at his foot thinking I'd just wound him, not kill him. I fire one shot, then reload one handed, quite skillfully. We wait for the police."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3856", 
            "content": "(07/04/00)[\"Rocking out to sea.\"] I am being shown a special boat the loggers use on the river as they log. It's a rocker boat, a sort of raft with very high sides made of planks, like an old fashioned hay wagon. It is built to rock back and forth, sideways with the weight of all the logs they gather. I am on the boat and we are going out to sea. At first, we have a hard time getting across the beach to the ocean. I think it is odd we are on land and trying to move in a boat. I look up and see a huge cruise ship on the horizon of the land. Perhaps it is docked past the rise of the dunes. The scene is very dark, I can barely make out the shapes of the sand dunes and rocks. We finally struggle out to sea and cross the surf breakers. It is still very dark. I am seated to the right of and slightly behind a good looking man. I am trying to light a cigarette. Only all I have is a roll of money. I peal off a bill and light it. I puff away and then realize it is a 100 dollar bill. I blow it out and look for a one dollar bill to smoke. The man watches. He lays his arm around me, as he is attracted to me. I am attracted to him as well. I find a paper fake bill like a coupon and roll it up and light it. Suddenly a man behind us screams sharks. He is looking out behind us. I feel fear. A large shark roars up onto the raft with his mouth lunging at us. Then they are all around his. We turn and head back to shore. We are in danger and are running for our lives, only we are a slow moving boat. We dock and swerve to avoid being eaten. Finally we get back on shore, one shark still trying to follow us up onto the sand. I am afraid."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3857", 
            "content": "(07/07/00)[\"Robin Williams and me.\"] Robin Williams and I are walking together, outside somewhere. We walk ahead of other people. Suddenly, he kisses me and I am instantly sexually excited. We lie down on the grass and begin making wild love. I look around for a second to see if anyone is watching. But I don't really care. This feels good."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3858", 
            "content": "(07/07/00)[\"French millionaire.\"] Ginny and Charla and I are traveling. We end up walking up a long flight of stairs. I am amazed I can walk this well. We finally get to the top and go to the edge of the building. I stop suddenly and sit down, afraid of the height we are at. I creep to the edge to see the beautiful buildings and fountains on the street below. We are in the fancy rich area of town. Charla goes over the edge. I am afraid she jumped and is dead. But she landed on a ledge not too far from the roof we are on and crawls back up just fine. Ginny and she goes walking around the roof and disappear. I am sitting there. I realize this is a penthouse where a french millionaire lives. He comes out and sees me there. I ignore him and this makes him want to charm me. He flirts and chats and I chat, not particularly interested. I notice he has beautiful eyes and is very handsome. I know this man isn't for me. I could not possibly attract him. But he buzzes around me determined to win my love. I tell him he has beautiful eyes. He wants me to stay and I am looking around for Ginny and Charla preparing to leave when they return."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3859", 
            "content": "(07/09/00)[\"Research with Del.\"] I am in a room with Del. I am wondering if something is not acceptable about Del and me. Maybe I don't like him as much as one would if there was a relationship. Something about the genes. Then there is some research being done. I am holding a stuffed white furry animal puppet and playing with it. Del is watching. I think I am measuring whether or not I want to have a relationship with him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3860", 
            "content": "(07/10/00)[\"All the king's men.\"] I am a part of a band of rebels. A handsome man is the leader. We are rebelling against King George. We sneak into his bedroom. He sees us through a window and rushes in to arrest us with his red coated soldiers. We sneak around to his throne room next door. He rushes in there. Soldiers grab me and harass me. I stand my ground, declaring the King is wrong and this is wrong to harm me. I call out to the crowd in the hall to gather around me and fight with me. They watch and are sympathetic but don't come to my rescue. I call out to them to wear blue coats. As the soldiers drag me down the hall, I see lots of people in blue suit jackets. They are wearing the rebel colors but still haven't the courage to help me. After a while, 4 or 5 join me. Soon we will overturn the soldiers and the rebels will win their cause."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3861", 
            "content": "(07/13/00)[\"Sad Lydia.\"] I am in a house. Children are running around. A boy (toddler) crawls up on me and I carry him around on my shoulder, like a kitten. He snuggles in and falls asleep. I walk outside. I have decided to carry him to my dr. appointment. We walk to the corner and I see an old black convertible car, maybe 1920's or 30's. Lydia is lying in it. I stop and ask her to go with me so we can hang out and chat. She agrees but starts talking without getting up. At first I am annoyed because I have some errands to run and it is scheduled to do the appointment. But I soon realize Lydia is very sad. She needs to talk about her feelings. I am also starting to enjoy the closeness we are feeling with her opening up about her feelings. I now have a small kitten (Bootsie) in my hand as it plays. The boy is asleep on my shoulder and Charla is playing around us with other children. I ask Charla to take the kitten back into the house to protect it from being so close to the busy street. She does and now Lydia and I are alone, except for the sleeping boy. She shows me a journal she is keeping. I am intrigued and say I would love to read her journal. I feel happy she is confiding in me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3862", 
            "content": "(07/13/00)[\"Angry at Uncle Wilbur.\"] I am on a couch seated with Uncle Wilbur who is going to be married to Dora. He gives me some advice and as he speaks I yell and talk over him deliberately. He is shocked at my rudeness and angry at me for being disrespectful. I don't care and continue doing it over and over. I have had enough of his bad advice. A good looking blonde man is now talking over to my left and I turn to hear him. This further annoys Uncle Wilbur. He keeps trying to get my attention and I keep ignoring him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3863", 
            "content": "(07/14/00)[\"Beautiful dorm rooms.\"] I am going to college again. I moved into a dorm. I am amazed at the spaciousness of the suite of rooms that I will share with a roommate. I walk from wall to wall looking at the beautiful furniture. I look out the windows and see spectacular views of mountains and trees. I walk into the bedroom and see two king sized beds, 2 pianos. 2 stereos. A woman comes in, my roommate. She and I are unpacking our things. I try to play on the piano. I want to take lessons to improve my skills. She suggests we share our things with each other. She writes some down on a paper. She shows a picture of a harmonic as she is suggesting we go to music events. I say Oh, I forgot my harmonic at home. I love the blues."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3864", 
            "content": "(07/14/00)[\"Villainous behavior.\"] I am in a family. I and my \"sister\" are going out on a date with bad guys. I take a photo of them and us and write a blackmail letter. I am going to hold it against them. We walk out the door. The bad guy makes some aggressive threatening remark. I bluff them by ripping up the photos in small pieces but I cleverly don't throw any away. I walk back into the house and find a place to hide the pieces, knowing they will try and get them. I am a little afraid I will be hurt."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3865", 
            "content": "(07/14/00)[\"His Royal Miniscule.\"] I am a member of this family. Father is like Paul D., kind of dumb and benign. Someone announces there are three kings now. 3 generations of kings have been born. The youngest one, is His Royal Miniscule, a cute baby that looks like a stuffed baby Santa Claus. Red fur and white beard. He is so cute, I pick him up and hold him in my lap. I tickle his tummy and we giggle. We play."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3866", 
            "content": "(07/15/00)[\"Snake woman.\"] I am near a river. I see a snake in the river and feel fear. Then I look closer and see that a woman killed the snake and gutted it, chopping off its head. She is in it so that her human head and shoulders shows, the rest is this huge snake. She swims around in the river. She doesn't look friendly. I stay away from her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3867", 
            "content": "(07/15/00)[\"Baseball talent.\"] I am a young and healthy woman. I stand in a room and wait for the men's baseball team coach to enter. When he does I try to pitch a ball at a large TV. I have a powerful wind up but the ball is squishy and I can't get a good grip, so the pitch is mushy and ineffective. I try 3 times. He's laughing at me. Then a young woman is holding a ball. I take it from her and smile, saying You know a good ball when you see one. It is hard and regulation sized. I pitch it at the TV and the throw is so powerful I smash it to bits. This grabs the attention of the coach. I apologize for throwing at the TV. I say I should have known better. I ask the coach if I can be on the men's team. He laughs at the very idea. He is however impressed with my power and skill. I go to the park and try to join the team. They won't accept me, but they can't help but acknowledge my talent. I slowly win them over. I remain cheerful in the face of their derision and booing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3868", 
            "content": "(07/17/00)[\"Talking Conrad out of sexual abuse.\"] I am on a journey down a road. I am driving something. Although I don't actually see or experience a vehicle. It's like it is invisible. I round a curve and see a large body of water on the right, like a bay. The water is also over the road by a few inches. I say Oh, Oh. And slow down, negotiating the water on the road successfully. Then the road curves and I am looking for the next turn off on the left. A female narrator is helping me. I ask her if that next one is the one and she says no, keep going. Then she yells, That one! I turn left and she warns me it will be very steep. I see that it is and continue. Then I am climbing hand over hand as the road is so steep it is turned sideways and is straight up and down. I am afraid I will lose my grip and fall. Finally I am over the dangerous part and continue on. Now I am at a cabin, inside. Conrad and a male friend of his is there. Someone mentions a 13 year old girl is there. Conrad is interested and asks me if I think its OK for him to be sexual with her. I am shocked and explain to him that is sexual abuse. He thinks it will just be fun and sexually stimulating. I tell him that a young girl's mind and self can be injured by his being sexual with her. She hasn't matured enough to make good decisions. He is disappointed and thinks I'm a bit of a prude."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3869", 
            "content": "(07/18/00)[\"Questing heart song.\"] I am in a classroom. The assignment is to write a song about the historical King John and his epic struggles. I am older than all the kids, as I am an adult. But I decide I'll try it too. They are all busy writing and indeed have started the project days ago. I play with it. I write something about William travels and I scratch out William's name and put in John. Then I write a bridge refrain about the questing heart as he falls in love with a beautiful maiden. It is very beautiful and moving. I sort of have a tune, but I really focus most on the words. It is time to present the songs. I don't feel ready as I am hurriedly pulling something together. It is coming along but will be only a rough draft at this point."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3870", 
            "content": "(07/19/00)[\"Loving Mel Gibson.\"] I am living in a beautiful spacious house. Mel Gibson comes by. He and I are instantly attracted to each other. As we walk from room to room, we are flirting as we talk about how we could change and improve the rooms. My \"mother\" is around somewhere, disapproving, wanting me to give up Mel Gibson. We walk out to a back porch, then to a room out in the back yard. He lies down on a couch and I laugh because he put on a pink woman's nightgown and is batting his eyes at me invitingly. I take on the male role and seduce him. He is very excited. It is fun to do. Now we have somehow built a long and complicated wood boardwalk on stilts. I have a room that is near the end of it. The police are looking for Mel Gibson now. He is hiding. I am waiting, hoping he will return."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3871", 
            "content": "(07/22/00)[\"Bill Clinton's feelings are hurt.\"] I am in an office talking with people about starting a new magazine.. I have lots of ideas for themes and quickly write down 6 themes. I excitedly take them to the woman boss. I have a hard time convincing her of the merits of the first theme. I explain it to her. We will have lots of work to do. Now I decide to drive somewhere. I get into a black 4 wheel drive jeep and drive up a slushy snowy hill. As I reach the top, the jeep becomes a heavy sleek black wheelchair. I am now in a line of people waiting in a large room to be introduced to Bill Clinton. Finally it is my turn. He sits on a couch and I am seated in front of him. Some man says \"with women\" and Bill Clinton as a conversational starter says. \"I was with a woman once.\" I laugh and say Oh REALLY?? Very sarcastic, joking him. His face clouds up and become frozen with anger. He glares at me. I realize my social mistake and quietly and sincerely apologize. I am so sorry. I repeat it twice. He slowly smiles again, but I'd made a big mistake laughing at him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3872", 
            "content": "(07/23/00)[\"New TV.\"] I am in a building that has bleacher style seats, like in a raked theater setting. Blue upholstery. I have ordered a new TV set. They deliver two of them so I can choose which style I prefer. One is about a 35\" screen and all white plastic. The other is a smaller screen, and lovely hard wood. They put the wood one in a corner that is not where I want it. I want the TV in front of my two couches. One couch is like the yellow loveseat of my old house. Charla and I sit on it to watch TV even though the bigger couch is near by. They think I want the pretty wood one, but I prefer the white one because it has a bigger screen. They thought I wanted it in a corner, but I wanted it in front of the couches. Later, I walk up to the special bleachers through a small gate up high. It is the church area. Later, I walk down to the bottom part and lie down on the bench and experience an orgasm."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3873", 
            "content": "(07/23/00)[\"Helping the sick man.\"] I am a nurse in a Doctor's office. I open the door to the waiting room and call out next. I look down at my feet to see many report covers with files in them (like on my plays). The male patient is hiding behind the plant next to the door. I say wow. You sure have a long medical history. Come on in. He comes in. He is in great pain. He is frustrated with the medical system. I try and make him feel comfortable. I pull out three glass tubes for blood tests. One with rose colored top, another yellow and a third soft green. I look to him to confirm I've guessed the right types of tests. He nods. I pour some sticky rose colored substance into one tube. I then help him into the exam room. His leg muscles cramp up as I lay him down. He writes in pain. I massage his leg muscles that are all knotted up. It would relax and then knot up again. I sooth him as I work by talking gently."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3874", 
            "content": "(07/24/00)[\"Wrong about the uncles.\"] I am talking with my aunts. They believe I am wrong about the 2 uncles abusing me. I begin to realize it is me that is carrying this \"myth\" around with me. What a waste of time and energy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3875", 
            "content": "(07/24/00)[\"Barb's CookBook.\"] I see a cover of a book like the soft cover of \"The Runaways.\" It has a picture of me and it is a cookbook. I apparently will be asked to star on a cooking show and will publish this book. I find it amusing and strange since I never really liked to cook. But now it seems a fun and pleasing project."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3876", 
            "content": "(07/24/00)[\"Camping with the girls.\"] I am camping on a vacation with Dovre. Paulina and her family are in another camp down the road. We hadn't gone to see them the whole day, so we decide to walk down the road and visit. However, I decide that's a long way so we will drive. I go to the passenger door of our large black car. It is so close to the campground railing I can't get it opened more than a few inches. So Dovre drives it carefully out of our camp area, barely squeezing around a van in front of us. We drive over to Paulina's. Now it seems to be breakfast time. I ask for some cereal. Paulina says the boys ate it all. But Ellie goes to a cupboard and finds a fresh box of Cheerios. I am pleased. I can eat that kind. Then I want my pills. There is confusion if there are any, or the right kind."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3877", 
            "content": "(07/24/00)[\"Swimming marathon race around the block.\"] I am in a swimming contest of endurance. A marathon. They have flooded the city streets and I swim the street, around the block. Sometimes there is deep enough water to swim. Sometimes there is only a few inches to crawl through. I struggle on, determined to last a long time. Only a few people are interested. Then the water refreshes deeper. I count the laps. I am up to seven laps. The town people start to gather to cheer me on. The water is almost gone. Then suddenly it gushes out of the manholes and I see several waves of rushing water coming down the street. I am happy. I swim in the roiling water. I am exhausted but won't give up on this last lap of the marathon. I struggle. The water becomes dark green and murky filling with moss and algae stuff. I continue on stroke by stroke. I somehow get into the under parking area of a hotel. I swim back out to the street. People are cheering, encouraging me. I finish the 8th lap. Exhausted but happy I was successful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3878", 
            "content": "(07/25/00)[\"Grandma should teach Charla about sex.\"] I am in a room. A woman is there and so is Charla. The woman is telling Charla that it should be Grandma that teaches her about sex. She meant I should have sexual contact with her to show her how to do it. Charla is disgusted by that idea and has her back to me saying to the woman, but I don't want to. I feel very uncomfortable as well. Is that supposed to be my job? It doesn't feel right."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3879", 
            "content": "(07/25/00)[\"Eating bread.\"] I am in a house. It's morning and time for breakfast. I see several very large loaves of bread. I see one is torn open on one end. I wonder if it is moldy. I open another one. Jake is saying it is a whole wheat something which means it is very nutritious. It looks white, like buttermilk bread. I look for the toaster. I see the slices are twice as big as the toaster size. I cut it in half. I look forward to eating it. It will taste very good."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3880", 
            "content": "(07/25/00)[\"THE Word.\"] I am in a building. Other people are in the same room. Sort of like Anastasia's friends. They have books and pamphlets that tell about this spiritual way of life that everyone should ascribe to. I read some and like the teaching very much. We are to go to other people and share this information. It will help save the world."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3881", 
            "content": "(07/26/00)[\"Juvies defy me.\"] I am a substitute teacher for a group of juvenile tough teens, all male. They decide to walk out of the classroom and hang out talking in the hall, near the open door of another classroom. I walk out to them and tell them to come back into the classroom. They jeer and talk back. An obvious power struggle. I say to them, well, it's too bad you are deciding to have the natural consequences of your actions. I'll call in the principal and we'll decide your punishment. I turn and start to walk away. I am hoping they decide to come back. They get quiet, thinking. Then slowly they start returning. I am very relieved."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3882", 
            "content": "(07/28/00)[\"In class with Anastasia.\"] I decide to sit in on a college course on education. Anastasia is taking the class. The students sit at a long series of tables. They ask me to share what work I'm doing. I say well, I'm not really taking the class, but I did do the first couple of assignments. I tell them I did the work like setting up characters for a play. I think I am interested in working with each student in the assignment in a fair and supportive way."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3883", 
            "content": "(07/31/00)[\"Flying wheelchair.\"] I am in a large building with some people. I think I am speaking there . I want to travel down the hall and I discover that if I pull back on the joystick, I can make my wheelchair fly. I don't go very high, just barely over the heads of people. Then I go a bit higher so they can't reach up and touch me so I won't be in possible danger. It is fun. We are at a University. My female personal assistant and another speaker named Tim are there. We have to stay in a motel room for the night. I discover they got me into the room area by dragging me up some stairs, leaving my wheelchair behind. I am upset with them. Tim is arrogant and considers himself a better, more professional speaker than me. Now I am frosting a cake with white frosting. It is a rectangle cake, one layer. I call them in to have tea and cake with me. I decide on the small old tea cup like the kind I collected as a teenager. It has a crack in the bottom but I want to use it anyway. I worry I'll get tiny shards of glass in the tea. Tim is tired and grumpy. It's been a long night. We go do our presentations and return. He and I are both a bit depressed. We did OK but it was not our best performances. We commiserate together. I say sometimes you just are on and it goes great, and sometimes things just don't feel as good. He agrees. We drink tea."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3884", 
            "content": "(07/31/00)[\"Elder couple are ill and I help them.\"] An old man and woman are together, waiting on the sidewalk. I am in a station wagon. I get out to help them into the car. The woman feels faint and sick. I say they need to see a Doctor. I suggest they make an emergency appointment. They don't think they want to go to that trouble. I try and pick up the old woman and scoot her from the back of the station wagon into the back seat. She is limp and frail. I apologize to her if I hurt her or startled her. They finally agree to check in with the Doctor."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3885", 
            "content": "(08/03/00)[\"Hasani dances naked.\"] I am sitting in the audience to see a performance. I am with Bonnie and another woman friend. Hasani comes to the performance area and takes off her clothes, except for a black shawl across her shoulders, which doesn't cover anything. She is slim, young, with small breasts. She is dancing the story she is telling. The audience is scandalized. Bonnie's mouth drops open. She is shocked. I hold a small package with a letter handwritten by Hasani. I am trying to read it. Then during her performance I move near the area she is at and start talking with her. I feel embarrassed I'd interrupt her performance. She doesn't seem to mind. We talk about what's happening in our lives. Now Bonnie and her friend and I are leaving in the middle of her performance. I turn to Bonnie and say I forgot my things on the seat. She goes back to get it, embarrassed to be so conspicuous. She grabs up the thin pillow Aunt Millie made for me. I point to some more things at another seat. She rushes through and grabs them too. I mouth, Thank you to her. She is annoyed with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3886", 
            "content": "(08/03/00)[\"Poison frog prisoner bites me.\"] I am a judge in robes preceding over the court. The prisoner is a tree frog, very poisonous. He is sitting in a glass jar so I am safe. Only as I talk and question him, I see the glass barrier isn't really there and slowly he is slipping through. Suddenly he springs at me attacking me. I leave the chambers and go to a side room where the Doctor comes to give the medicine which will counteract the poison. He has many different kinds of pills. There is sorting of the pills, and confusion on which ones to take and how many. I have difficulty swallowing them. My throat seems dry."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3887", 
            "content": "(08/03/00)[\"Cracking the code for a free ride.\"] I am in a house. Charla is not being cooperative getting ready for school. I am very frustrated with her. I see the school bus drive past. I grab Charla and her backpack and drag her along the road to the bus stop. I keep saying You'll miss your bus. Now get up and help me. Charla dawdles along. Sure enough as we approach the parked bus, other parents are driving their kids there. and I mutter to myself. Be there. Still be there. We're coming. I hated the idea of spending the day with Charla in her mood if she misses the bus. But as we get close, the bus does drive away without her. Now I am really angry. We begin walking back toward the house. I whimsically decide to continue on down the road, since we're out. I notice we are in the sort of desert area, like in Nevada. A rough expedition is forming to take people out into the desert and see the sights. I decide I want to go. It would be fun. I go up to the male guide who is standing by a jeep like black vehicle. I say, Here's the deal. I want to come on this trip but I don't have the right clothes or equipment. I don't even have shoes on and am in my pajamas. The man laughs at me. Then he becomes thoughtful and gives me a set of papers and says read this. I look at it and see it is an elaborate code. I casually read out a few words as I begin to understand the code. I see target and nuclear and buildings. As I say these words, the man realizes I can break the code. So he says OK, we'll get you the right equipment and you can come with us, but your job will be to read this code. I agree, realizing this is important military stuff. We are now in the vehicle and I am driving up a very steep sandy muddy road. I am having fun squirreling around in the mud. The man is observant and impressed with my skills. We crest the hill and I look down the steep road and see in the distance the lights of a big city, like Las Vegas. It is very beautiful. We go down the hill. I am using the brakes. Charla wants us to go fast and I say that's too dangerous. I read somewhere it is a delusion to think it'd be fun then you get too fast and can't stop. I ride the brakes skillfully."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3888", 
            "content": "(08/04/00)[\"Scam artists at work.\"] I am the owner of a gas station/cafe in some small town. I am also working on some project, making something. I have a huge back room that might have once been a factory. High ceilings, row lights, large windows on the left and many rows of long tables. I come in and notice that it seems dark. I turn on the lights but it is not enough for the detail work I will be doing. I am frustrated. Lydia is there and I say to her I need to figure out how much money I am making in this business and what is selling. I think maybe nothing much is selling. I don't even think I have any employees in the front working the cafe. I look out the front window and see a woman sponging off some merchandise on racks. Oh, maybe I have one. I should be supervising her. I lie down on a table while Lydia and I are talking. I stretch my legs out across the couch next to the table. I realize my mother is sitting there and I apologize if I made her uncomfortable. She smiles and says no, not a problem go ahead and rest them on me. Then I say to Lydia maybe I should change this business and sell what I love doing and what people want. I suggest chocolate desserts. Lydia reminds me we already tried that. She baked them and worked as waitress, but nobody bought them. Then I suggest a book store. I ask Dwight if this town already has a book store. Then I see through the window that two twin girls are spraying water with a hose and ruining things. I quickly go out there and as I walk toward the girl, she sprays me. I determinedly walk to her and take the hose from her. She is uppity and I tell her she's in trouble now. She laughs at me and says maybe the hose was stolen and maybe it was mine. She runs outside to the car where her mother and father are. I chase after her. I see the mother and demand her name and say I will sue her for the damages. I lecture her on how mothers are responsible for supervising their children and she wasn't doing that. She is smirky and sassy. I demand her name. She laughs and gets into the car. The Father comes out and I ask him her name. He says her name is Balboa, spelled boacea. Her middle name is baby eyes, spelled baby ies. I search for a paper in my pocket and find one already written on so I try to find clear space to write on. It is difficult to do. I ask for the phone number and he says the newspaper, boxes between 0 and 12 and you must call at precisely 8:00 or it won't work. By this time I realize they are scam artists and aren't giving me valid information. I try to read their license plate number on the car and remember what they look like to report them to the police."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3889", 
            "content": "(08/05/00)[\"Disabled people not quite as good.\"] I am talking with a man sort of like Mitch T. He is explaining that he doesn't have an equality problem about the disabled. I chuckle and gently point out to him that he does have a superiority problem about the disabled. I tell him the words he used that indicates a subtle discriminatory attitude. He is surprised and embarrassed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3890", 
            "content": "(08/07/00)[\"Can't find Paulina.\"] I am visiting Paulina at her work place, which seems to be a counseling social service agency. I meet her boss. We chat. Then Paulina wants to change jobs. She and are walking together. It is time for me to return home, but first we are going together to do something at the University. We are walking down a path that winds around a large grassy area. I see some soccer players standing around. Drew Carey stands there chatting with them. We chat for a moment and then I notice Paulina must have gone ahead. I walk on down the path, looking at groups of people hoping to see her. I come to the building and can't find her. I am concerned now. I go into the building which has a huge sort of open wall rather than a door. I can't see her. I turn back and go outside hoping to find her there. I decide to wait there looking as I have the best view of the whole grassy area there. I am worried we won't connect and feel bad I let her out of my sight."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3891", 
            "content": "(08/08/00)[\"The test.\"] I am taking a written test with a class of younger people. The teacher says it is an open book test, so I am lying on the ground with the textbook open and writing down a paraphrase of what I find in the book. The teacher comes around and sees this. He smiles at me and says you can do better than this. Just let the answers come from yourself. I don't feel confident I have the answers as well thought out as what the book has. I can't seem to let go of using the book. Then it starts coming more easily. The answers won't be as thorough as in the book, but they will be my own."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3892", 
            "content": "(08/08/00)[\"The walk on the beach.\"] I am at a beach parking lot. I am in my wheelchair. I see the ocean near by and want to go down to the beach. The people I'm with are busy, so I decide to brave it on my own. I am concerned I will get stuck in the sand. I find a sandy path down to the beach, take a deep breath and try it. I slide down and manage to get on the beach. I am happy. I look around and travel in circles on the beach. I see some other people get stuck in the deep sand and I decide to head back before I get stuck. I find the path which is now a stairway ladder like thing. I now have to step by step go up. I try 3 different times and fall back down. Then I manage, precariously one step at a time. I get to the top, feeling good about making it. I turn and look at the ocean again. It is now swirling up to where it was. I am glad I got out of there in time."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3893", 
            "content": "(08/10/00)[\"Joining the top comedians team.\"] I am in a room. I think it is Susie who is running a performance. She has the top comedians who do improvisation work on stage. Alan King, Robin Williams, and some others. I watch and then she invites me to try. I imitate them and draw the attention of the audience away from them. They are surprised and a friendly competition arises. They'd upstage me. This upset Susie. She says Darn it, they are taking all the attention to the front of the stage. Then I'd work harder and be so good that the audience would look at me. Then I see out the living room window that Jake has arrived in a junky car. (looks like Ellie's car.0 He walks right into the middle of the performance and chats about how he has some of our aunt's scatter rugs he's returning to her. The audience is getting restless. The show sort of dissipates."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3894", 
            "content": "(08/12/00)[\"Crazy independent woman.\"] A woman lives in an apartment with her husband. She decides she needs to leave and be on her own. She at first is locking the door. She can't get it to stay locked, so she decides to just leave. She gets into a car and drives away. She drives for along time. She won't talk to anyone. She becomes a maid for a family. She won't talk to any of them. They think she is pretty eccentric but tolerate her uniqueness."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3895", 
            "content": "(08/14/00)[\"Morning pancakes with my blind friends.\"] I am sleeping over at friends house. I am in a small bed, which is the only furniture in the room. I wake up and see Dwan cooking pancakes. She puts lots of butter on the pancake and slides it back and forth on the grill as the butter melts. Then she flips the pancake with her hand. They look very tasty. I want one. Lucy and Mirabelle are in the other room visiting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3896", 
            "content": "(08/14/00)[\"Abusing Charla, Howard is mean and I win the boat race.\"] I am in a house and Charla is being uncooperative. Refusing to help me. I am very out of control angry at her. I slap her repeatedly in her face and shove her around while yelling at her to help me. She just gets worse. I feel helpless rage at her. I also feel tremendous guilt for being so abusive to her. I want to apologize and get her forgiveness. Then Howard is there and I realize we are moving immediately. He is leaving now and I will follow after I sell the house, get things packed up and drive the moving van there myself. He climbs to the top of a ladder. I follow him berating him for leaving me with these impossible tasks. I tell him I can't drive a big truck. It doesn't have power steering or automatic transmission. I say I don't know how to sell a house. He just smiles and keeps walking away from me. Then I realize he means we will move to New York City. I am appalled. That's too big and scary for me. How will I manage it alone? He then jokingly takes off a 1950's petticoat and scrambles down off the ladder, leaving me at the top precariously trying to get down by myself. I get down and am on a wharf or boardwalk. I see a woman in a speedboat racing. In the water. I watch as she tries to make fast turns into wooden gates. Because she is moving so fast, every small movement she makes on the wheel makes the ride jerky. She is an amateur. I get in a boat and race her. Now the boats are like cards and I slide over other cards in the water. I dangerously take the risky way by skirting the edge of the deep water where only half my boat is actually on water. The other side hangs over an edge. I duck and speed around the other cards, sometimes right over them. We are neck and neck. I win by a nose. She pulls out a score card. Her mileage is 1 10th of a mile more than mine which indicates I lost. But I know I won and remember that I started the race a bit after her from a different place which is why the mileage looks like I lost."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3897", 
            "content": "(08/15/00)[\"Dancing in the prison.\"] I am in a large room in a prison, waiting for the condemned convict to be walked past this place. I want to see him. The guards walk with him. I am now in a lower room, looking up through high windows. The convict throws a ball down. A guard tosses it back to him. He throws it again. I catch it and underhand back to him. This game continues for awhile. Then they walk him past me. It's sort of like watching a movie star go by. I think to myself, don't get attracted, he's obviously not the right kind of guy. Then I am watching as a dance routine of teenagers is described. They form the small case letter h with their standing bodies. It is very cute. I decide to create the letter w, with me in the center, in a manual wheelchair popping wheelies and prancing around. Ellie is impressed with my wheelchair dancing skills."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3898", 
            "content": "(08/16/00)[\"Raining in the bed.\"] I am in an apartment. I met this attractive nice guy who is attracted to me as well. He is friendly. He wants a relationship. I am attracted, but I am concerned. It won't work out. Something will go wrong and I will be disappointed. I see that a large leak of water is pouring onto the bed and it is very wet and soaked. I am distressed by this. See, I think, it's clear the relationship won't work."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3899", 
            "content": "(08/17/00)[\"Jeremy Taylor and acting out child.\"] I am at a convention. With me is a child, possibly a boy. He is angry and acting out. He is uncooperative, aggressive, He throws things around, messes things up, refuses to do as he is told and causing me lots of difficulties. I need help. I decide to talk with Jeremy Taylor. I find him at the convention. He is very busy schmoozing with the people, like a politician. I try to get his attention gently, but finally have to corner him and insist he walk with me so I can talk with him privately. As we walk around looking for a private place where it wont be obvious, so as to not cause gossip, women keep interrupting. The boy gets even more belligerent and difficult. Finally I say wait. I then walk with the boy to another house nearby. I leave them there, with the people in it. I come back to Jeremy and say Sometimes the only people that can properly deal with him are people who are themselves difficult and on the edge of society. He'll be safe there. Jeremy then turns and goes back into the convention center, signaling me to follow. He finds a caucus room and we go in. A way to be private and yet appear we are doing politics."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3900", 
            "content": "(08/20/00)[\"Wild landscape.\"] I am in a cafe. The puzzle contest is being held. I find a table and chair to sit in. I am on a balcony area. I hear the woman Leighanne from NPR talking with Will the puzzle man. I hear the questions and the answers from a male contestant. In the middle of it, I decide this is boring and I get up and leave. I walk outside. I immediately notice the buildings as I look at them more closely are very ornate and wonderfully weird. I see what looks like a black and white mural on a building. As I look more closely it is an alcove with moving statues in it. A woman statue looks at me and says MaMa. I stop and watch. She moves and changes into yet another woman statue and says MaMa to me again. I walk on. I turn and look behind me. I am seeing the mountain landscape behind the city in stereo close up. As though I am looking through a moving telescope. I see the snow clad mountain slopes, the meadows and so on. It is very pretty. Then I turn again and see the city street is filled with a river. I peek around a building column and see the river is quite wild with rapids. I notice the river is rising. I look a the curb by where I am standing. It seems to be wild, but not rising. I walk along its edge. Then the scene changes and I am in a factory. I am the supervisor of the women operators. They each have a tiny desk where they do their work. Sort of data entry kinds of things. Maybe getting orders over the phone. I am walking along a balcony ledge addressing them with orientation information. Behind me are offices where the male bosses are observing me. They like the sexy way I walk and dress. I have a projection screen with the instructions up there and I am giving them instructions on how best to do their job. I tell them that it is fine they are wearing jeans and informal wear at work but each one must buy one dress which they will be required to wear four times a year at work functions. I tell them that any dress will be fine as long as it isn't low cut or the hem too high or too tight and revealing. I tell them the grey haired men who work in those offices will be too distracted with such dresses and you will lose your job."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3901", 
            "content": "(08/24/00)[\"Powerful man addicted.\"] I enter a large house and walk through the rooms. I admire the huge beautiful furniture. A lovely hutch with a blue glass vase on it. I wonder if I could take it home. I'd like to have it. Then I saw a creature like a demon crouched near it. I move on. I see more beautiful furniture, and I also see other demon like creatures, that are mostly human in form with odd shaped ears and evil eyes. One of them owns this house. He is very tall and large maybe 6 foot nine inches. He is addicted to some silver beverage. He is scary and angry. I try to avoid him. I look at his face and one eye transforms into a large scary eye. I am not really afraid of him. In fact I decide to help him. I destroy the silver beverage. I fight a mean \"friend\" of his who was threatening me. He laughs at me. I take a broom and use the handle to smack his genitals. He is in great pain and leaves the house. I tell the addicted man to lock the doors. The man is afraid to because it was a family rule to keep the doors open at all times. Finally I convince him and he shuts and locks the door to keep the mean man out."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3902", 
            "head": "08/25/00", 
            "content": "I am preparing a presentation. I write some chalk words on open shelves. Somehow the air I working like a blackboard. I then wait for my turn to present. First two blackboards are moved in and my father is doing his presentation. At first I think my father has erased my work to do his, but I then see my stuff is in a different shelf. The man I am doing this presentation for is named Harry, or Henry. I am a social worker."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3903", 
            "content": "(08/26/00)[\"Cary Grant.\"] Some rich couples are at a resort. Cary Grant and a woman, young and pretty, are attracted to each other. There is an older woman in her 50's there, and an older man about the same age. They are old friends. However, Cary Grant becomes afraid of the potential marriage with the young woman, even though he loves her. So he decides to become the roommate of the older woman. Now they are planning their wedding. The old man comes to the wedding. He still loves the old woman, so he and the young woman cook up a plot to make their respective lovers jealous. As the wedding is beginning, the old woman looks out the window and sees the old man and the young woman necking on a bench in the garden. This upsets the old woman. She marches out there. Now the couples declare themselves and are properly together with the right ones."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3904", 
            "content": "(08/28/00)[\"Movies date and rapist.\"] Chris of my discussion circle and I decide shyly to go to a movie together. I go ahead and walk down a hall where lots of movie rooms are, one after a other. I come to the end one, with a start time of 9pm I walk in and lot of people are there. Some man is announcing who gets to clean up. I see a blind young man with a white cane trying to sweep up. I realize Chris may not be able to find which Movie I picked, so I went back down the hall and looked into another move room. I see him at the front looking for me. I go in and sit, at the back. He had seen me and walks back to join me. We shyly flirt and talk. There are some rowdy men up front. One eyes me and makes lewd remarks about taking me right there. He is seated in a chair and I am sitting on the floor. I pretend to agree, pretending to be sexy. He is leering and moving toward me. As he gets close, I kick him in the groin. Several times. He is angry. Chris and I start running. He is running after us. I see his overall jeans and hear his regular clopping steps a he is gaining on us. We run back to Chris's dorm room. I was going to go on to my dorm, but Chris says no, come in with me. We'll fool him. We try hard to lock the front door. He is methodically running after us and gaining. We go to Chris's room and try to fake a turn to anther room. He isn't being fooled. I am afraid. He will find us and hurt us,"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3905", 
            "content": "(09/07/00)[\"The world blows up.\"] I am a part of a submarine crew of huge black nuclear submarines. Something horrible is happening and the destruction of the entire world is in progress. I am crawling around on the wreak, trying to piece together what happened. I follow a ladder and then see the action of a crew member being blamed for the whole accident incident. His chest is exposed. Captain Picard is climbing up to him to kill him off and the sailor as a last desperate measure bites the nose off the captain. He screams and falls back into the innards of the sub. The sailor escapes and some others do as well. They are swimming for shore but they all know they as well as the whole world is doomed.. But the survival instinct is strong. They get to shore maybe Australia and find rotten wing spans from airplanes with the guts rotted away. One old plane is barely flyable. One pilot knows how to fly out. They bravely help him get it flying across the sea. When the doomsday bomb goes off, one sailor says we'll all be blown to bits and end up part of the primordial soup. That's how we win and survive. The world will survive. But us individual people will all become a mix of molecules and start the world all over fresh. Apparently the terrible accident was the one nuclear sub armed and went after another one. I see the lights of the distant explosion happening as we all swim in the sea.."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3906", 
            "content": "(09/08/00)[\"A continuation of the 'world blows up' dream.\"] Now Captain Picard is investigating. I am a woman crew member and he asks me to take notes and notice what the crew men feel. He interviews \"Hatch\" the crewman whose chest was exposed. I listen to his feelings and write them down in pink ink. The feelings are soft and loving."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3907", 
            "content": "(09/08/00)[\"The funny Russians.\"] I am traveling in Russia. I am in a wheelchair. I am in a University and touring the accessibility issues. It isn't very accessible. I keep finding stairs. But then I see a group of women playing a noisy slapping gam where they hit the tables rhythmically. It looks like fun and I decide I will join them. I go down the hall looking for a way in and find one. They laugh and applaud. I sit at a table with some of the women and we laugh and slap the tables in the game. Then I stand up and et into a narrow door where the trick bathrooms are. A Bob Hope comedian is there and he and I create a routine where he stands by an back door of the elevator bathroom. And I say are you going down? And he says yes and steps up and into the door and disappears. A colorful paper cover is there and I try to find him in there. It's a special Russian trick. We laugh and I finish the trick by going out the front door. We repeat this wherever we find a trick Russian bathroom. Now Bob Hope and I are strolling arm in arm in a park and enjoying ourselves very much. Even though he is very old, our senses of humor are very alike and we have fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3908", 
            "content": "(09/10/00)[\"Michael J. Fox scores.\"] Michael J. Fox is a businessman whose name is Tom. He is very successful. He knows how to work it so he makes money hand over fist. He ventures into a second business where he sold people a service and then rents them the service of stopping the service. He is worried he'll lose some money on that deal as he sells the second service cheaper than anyone else."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3909", 
            "content": "(09/10/00)[\"The literary quad.\"] Richard L. is a literary quad. He's in a wheelchair. He's won a literary award. I like him. He loves me. He wants to have a relationship. I come close to him to tell him congratulations on his award. I tell him this one is his and maybe the next one will be mine. We're both equally good and will share in our awards. He keeps trying to inch closer to me. I then hug him and kiss him on the lips. He is thrilled and ends up throwing himself out of his chair and now is lying on top of me. We love each other. He is so very happy. I am happy too, not as happy as he is but content. I remember a more perfect male who I wanted to have one perfect dance/swim with him. I knew he was too perfect and beautiful for me to keep, but I wanted the one romantic dance. But after he promised it to me, he fell asleep. I ran up the tiered path crying. His mother watched, sad for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3910", 
            "content": "(09/11/00)[\"Talent on fire.\"] I am a young talented singer. I play the guitar in a blues style and sing. I sing on a stage. The audience loves me. A good looking bad guy is attracted to me. I don't like him. he sits at a corner table in the back. I like another man. The bad guy calls me over and flirts. I ignore him. Then I am in a building.. An oil refinery. The bad guy owns it. I need to set it on fire and burn it down. I put a drop of oil on the floor and light it. Like setting a back fire. It catches out of control and burns down the place. The good man and I run out. The bad guy chases us, angry. I run to a black car and get in and drive away at high speeds, trying to escape. I feel fear he will catch me and hurt me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3911", 
            "content": "(09/11/00)[\"Struggling with stinky issues.\"] I am in a house. Bonnie and I are going on a date. Her man is like Bill W. We've dated together before. I say Hi to him. We chat. Now I need to go to the bathroom and sit on the couch and pee. It drips down my leg and I feel messy and stinky. I am embarrassed. Bill will notice. I need to go up a ladder/staircase. It has a break in the middle. I am upset. Now I'll have to go back down and go up another way. It seems too dangerous. Somehow it heaves me up and over the breaks, so I continue climbing. Knick knacks and pretty things are stored on the steps. I carefully step over them. I reach the top and see Ginny already there. She looks tired. She's trying to call someone on the phone. I go back down. It is steep. I am holding a baby. I nearly slip and fall going so fast sliding down the steps. I barely make it. I need to change the baby's diaper. It is soaked and stinking. With urine. We are going to go to the football game. And I need to help the baby get fresh and clean. I don't want to take off his little shoes. I'm tired. He pulls them off. I sigh."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3912", 
            "head": "09/12/00", 
            "content": "I am getting ready to go out. I'm in a house. Cousin Patricia and her \"husband\" who is like Ken W. I am choosing an outfit to wear. I find a dress and then a fancy tailored top. It's cute, has white trim. I look like I'm dressing for church. I see I have nylons on. But I want to change them. I look in a drawer. I see nylons but don't see a garter belt. Patricia tosses one over to me. Then I see some panty hose and choose them. \"Lance\" is intrigued and attracted. He comes in the room and follows me around trying to see me change my clothes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3913", 
            "content": "(09/13/00)[\"Enjoying the ocean.\"] I am at the ocean. Dovre, Paulina and Ellie are adults. They are running ahead of me on a sandy path to the ocean. I try to catch up. I look for them. I see windows and they are on the other side of the window (there is no building.) I am teasingly challenged to jump into the deep water. I do it and swim around, enjoying the swim. Grandma Anne is around some where, picnicking."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3914", 
            "content": "(09/14/00)[\"Chinese relationship.\"] I am traveling in China. I look out the car window and see huge shop windows. I am in the downtown area of a big city. The windows are so huge that the people look very tiny as they put merchandise in the window. I am intrigued with all the glamorous things available. I turn a corner and see a young man trying to climb up the ends of the shelves to put shoe boxes in their right places. He slips and falls. I gasp, feeling concern for him if he had been higher, he could have hurt himself. A young Chinese woman is going to get married. She doesn't know the groom.. She goes to an apartment of a male older friend to get advise. She wears a sleeveless blouse and a skirt in blacks and grays. She has very small breasts. Her tummy pouches a bit. He looks her over critically and says she is very beautiful. He says her thick silky black hair is beautiful. A diamond shape or A shape on her blouse makes her look beautiful I am a bit surprised he would say she is beautiful, because I don't think she is. He then tells her she is young and doesn't know what she wants yet. The woman walks to a large glass window and looks out a the lovely backyard which has a river and beautiful plants. Her groom is approaching the front door. The older man says now you will see him for the first time. A dresser is blocking the open doorway. She is maturing and becoming a real person with feelings and is starting to like the good character of her groom. There is hope for her yet."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3915", 
            "content": "(09/16/00)[\"Howard leaves me, angry.\"] I am married to Howard, we are in a large 1950's modern house. Lots of windows. Lots of small children around. Including Dovre and the other girls. Howard wants to start up sexual relations again. He gets in my face and insists. He tries to pull down his pants. I am annoyed. I am absolutely not interested. I go away from him. He is very angry and yells at me that he is leaving the relationship. I basically say good! He gets more angry. He packs up and leaves the house. I am relieved. But I regret that he wont be there to help out with the children. Now I have to do it all. I decide that's OK. I can handle that. It's a good trade off. I am fixing breakfast for them. It's messy. I spill things."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3916", 
            "content": "(09/16/00)[\"Sorting used clothes for charity.\"] Patricia is running a charity where we have racks of used clothing to sell. I am helping her to do inventory. She is teaching me how to do it right. She shows me a pair of old corduroy white jeans with a frayed hole in the butt. She tells me to write exactly what I see on any tags or labels. I see a company name and an address and some numbers. I ask if I should write it all down. She says yes. Then I comment that some of these old clothes are mine. This pair of jeans, for instance. She says I like these jeans. I say so do I. Then I suggest she cut them up and use the material in something else. She likes that idea a lot. She is getting creative ideas about what to do with the material, maybe make a quilt. I go to the end of the racks lined up along the wall. There are hundreds of clothes jammed on these racks. This will be a long job. I begin to do the work."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3917", 
            "content": "(09/16/00)[\"Abner and Sonja.\"] I see Abner and his wife in bed. I am interested that he has a book and probably a writing book he uses for his manuscript. I am curious what's in it. Now I see the woman is Sonja and she'd just had a baby. It's like a snapshot of them. I like seeing it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3918", 
            "content": "(09/18/00)[\"Silly bathroom rules.\"] I am at a conference. At an expensive hotel. We have a full agenda of workshops all day. Then we must take a short break and then do an evening workshop too. At the break, I am in my room. Apparently I have roommates, one of which is male. He is seated on the bed as he puts on his shoes. I am lying on the bed as I started to fall asleep because I was so tired. But I force myself to wake up to get ready for the next workshop. He says I don't have to go. Someone can take my name and some identifying information like my driver's license number. He looks at me. I say well, that would be cheating and decide not to help him. I Disapprove of his attitude. Now I am going down the hall to a bathroom. I need to pee. But the security guard stops me. He says just a minute. How many times have you used the bathroom today? I am surprised and say why? He says we have rules. You are only allowed to go at certain amount of times. I look into the large lobby area and see many people lined up waiting for their turn. I am frustrated and annoyed. He tells me to wait in line. I pace back and forth very angry. I say Fuck. Fuck. Over and over. An attendee, male, says why are you wasting your energy being angry? I pause and consider this. I say reasonably, You have a good point. I stop swearing, but I continue to be frustrated. Now I see Maggie, in her wheelchair. They call her name. I say Hi to her as she tries to walk up the stairs to the bathroom dragging her manual wheelchair with her. I am talking with some man on my right about how ridiculous these rules are. I tell him with some pride that I know her. Now I am looking at a brochure of the place and see a snapshot of me, in my polyester blue and white jacket, with my hair permed. Like when I was at the community college. I am surprised. I say oh yes, I remember. I was doing physical therapy at the community college and they asked to take my picture to use in state brochures about this. It is a moving picture like a video. I am seated and I am walking around in the background. Now I tell someone I drink 7 glasses of water a day and need to pee frequently. They show me the schedule. Between 3 and 4 you can pee at 3:08 and at 3:40 and so on. This won't help me, I say. Then I look at my watch and see that it is 8:20pm. I am late for the workshop. I try to decide if I should just hold it and go to the workshop or stay and wait. I try and figure out if I can go to my hotel room and pee there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3919", 
            "content": "(09/19/00)[\"Noisy politicians on the radio.\"] I am waiting to give a speech in a building. The seats in the lecture/classroom are raked. I am listening to the other speakers. They are politicians and drone on and on. It is loud. I go out into the hall. I am gathering up my props and materials. I come back in. It is my turn but the other speakers just keep talking. I try and interrupt and have to talk loudly to speak over them. I am annoyed at them. It has been all day. I am talking about disability issues. Can't get them to shut up as I struggle to get the attention of the audience. Later, I walk down the hall. I am looking at the writings and objects on the wall. I realize I am dreaming and say to myself. I'm in a dream. This feels exciting. I also realize I am in a state close to waking."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3920", 
            "content": "(09/23/00)[\"Mom and Patricia.\"] I am visiting my mother. It is a large room in a mall. She is confused about what had happened to her. (hospitalization.) She is still weak. Others try to help her understand, but to no avail. I am looking through a file of papers and find a letter from Patricia responding to a question I had asked her. I am pleased she responded. She had found a grey pair of socks I asked about and sent me a pair, all balled up plus one more a darker shade of grey in case I wanted the darker shade. I look up to see that my mother is dressed in a pink suit and high heels (heals?) and leaving the room. She is in desperate search for something. I hurriedly put on high heels and join her to protect her. I take her arm and we walk side by side. She has trouble balancing in those shoes. I ask her questions trying to figure out what she's looking for. She mumbles and it doesn't make sense. Suddenly, we come to a steep staircase. We are at the top. It frightens my mother as her balance isn't good. She teeters on the edge, then turns and walks back to her room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3921", 
            "content": "(09/23/00)[\"George did it.\"] Someone, a friend (female) died. I am convinced she was killed. I have no evidence. My \"ex-husband\", a gentleman like Ike Turner is questioning me. He's a cop, undercover, I guess. He is suspicious that I know something. I wonder if he did it. He has a sleek car. I turn to walk away. A young man, very respectful and attracted to me invites me to ride in his car. It's a bright red sexy car. I agree, liking the idea of showing up. \"Ike.\" He will be jealous. When we are in the car, I suddenly realize \"George\" is the murderer. But I can't prove it. I cagily ask him questions. He now is concerned and watching me carefully. Now we are in a large room. And I am still asking George questions as I look nonchalantly through a box of paper, hoping against hope I find some evidence. Then I find 2 things. A CD George gave my friend and a notebook my friend wrote in. I guess there are coded messages on these and I pull them out. George is getting very nervous now and his eyes narrow as he watches me closely. I tease and bait him like a lawyer until he confesses, because he's convinced I have the evidence."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3922", 
            "content": "(09/24/00)[\"Mexicans and stealing.\"] I put some of my things in a car and leave it for some Mexicans to steal. Then I and my companion decide to steal some of their stuff. We sneak into an area to take things. Then I feel overcome with guilt and fear they will arrive early and catch us. I demand we go hide until they are out of here. We go up a level and hide under a pile of clothes. Another family comes in and takes their own things and finally depart. My companion wants to get up and go on. I shush her, afraid we will be found. We finally decide the Mexicans must be done and gone. I get up and my companion wants us to go visit her friends upstairs in the office of the manager. I peek over the edge of the balcony and fearfully look to see if the Mexicans are around. We don't see them. Now the beach area is full of tables and we furtively walk past where they were supposed to have been. I see one of them drinking from a glass seated at the table. I am so afraid of being caught. I hurry past and go up a flight of stairs to the office manager apt. I go to the top of the carpeted stairs but a recording starts. A woman's voice says they are not at home because her husband had died suddenly and she hadn't anyone to help her manage the office so she took the day off. I hurriedly rush down the stairs to get out as we aren't supposed to be there. I am afraid I will be caught. The stairs become raked theater seats and a gap is there. I must jump from one row to another, over the gap. I hesitate. It looks too far to jump. I then step carefully down one row where a lone seat is and then jump. I am successful. I leave quickly still afraid and furtive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3923", 
            "head": "09/24/00", 
            "content": "I am in a house, waiting in the living room for the social worker to come. We are going to decide what I need. A few women come in and sit down. I scoot to make room for them on the couch. They sit waiting. I look around wondering why we hadn't started yet. And saw 10 or so people sitting around. I am surprised. We are waiting for more to arrive. I notice there are chairs placed all along the walk. I begin to count how many people are in the room. Around 70 people. I am amazed. Why do they need so many I ask the leader woman. She says because we don't know yet what you'll need so we have to have every dept. represented. I scoot over to the left more and am now sitting very close to a good looking man, the supervisor. He smiles and flirts and we chat. He has his shirt off and his hairy chest and back are soft and warm to the touch. I look and see 2 babies out in a carriage. I notice they aren't wearing anything but diapers. I am annoyed that with so many helper people in the room, no one is helping the babies. They must be cold. I walk down the bleachers over to them and try to tuck them in with a small quilt. Now there is some form of entertainment going on in the crowd. I wonder when this meeting will ever start. I try and list what I might need so I'll be ready when it does start."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3924", 
            "head": "09/24/00", 
            "content": "Now I'm sitting at a table in a booth waiting for the 2nd meeting. I see Ellie and Charla come in. A few social workers come in. A man stands by me telling me we need to move over to the booths to make more room for more social workers. I sigh. Here we go again. The man has glasses on. He is also very warm and friendly. He shows me some pictures of him as he was growing up. I see his orchestra picture. He has drawn a box around himself in all the photos so I'll know which one is him. I wish he'd let me guess first. I smile at his boyish face. I see he played his violin. He is standing behind me and leaning in very close. I lean back into his arms and say Did you ever play 1st violin? He laughed and says yeah. Sometimes. I smile. Me too. I say. We laugh at the fun of us having these same experiences. I enjoy him and he enjoys me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3925", 
            "content": "(09/25/00)[\"My hometown.\"] I am seated at a long table with MM City high school reunion people. We are talking. I am telling them that I consider MM City my hometown. I get teary about it. My voice wavers from emotion. One dark haired man nods sympathetically as he feels the same way. It's a special place."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3926", 
            "head": "09/26/00", 
            "content": "I am swimming and I see a child wrestling with a bear. I call her over and we get out. I walk down a hall and see several people there. I tell a woman I'll be gone for a month. I need to help my grandfather with some things. I might do some writing. I call the girl to come along now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3927", 
            "head": "09/26/00", 
            "content": "Charla and I are going down the street. I see that Bill Domhoff and his male grad students are having a garage sale. I don't see anything to buy. A student gestures to go around the block. I do so. I go in a room. I see jewelry and clothes. I hold them up to Charla. Nothing much of interest there for me. Bill comes in and greets me. Says let him know if I find anything I want."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3928", 
            "head": "09/26/00", 
            "content": "A man is hanging off the side of a freighter. He is being chased. He is afraid. He gets trapped in a net on the side of the ship. He is then yanked into a square boat and is swinging fast out away from the ship (boat) He is afraid."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3929", 
            "content": "(10/01/00)[\"Teepee dreams.\"] I set up a teepee and am holding a dream workshop. I lay out books of different dream ideas out. Now different segments of the teepee are filled with different kinds of junk food. The popcorn section, the chips section and so on."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3930", 
            "content": "(10/03/00)[\"End of the world.\"] The young people are eliminating all the others. We must protect ourselves by becoming invisible. I find a very art neuvo elevator. And push button \"23\" which renders me invisible. I go out into the building halls and fight the young people. We barely make it back from extinction. We have to rub ourselves visible again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3931", 
            "content": "(10/05/00)[\"Track star in the rough.\"] I am a young woman, maybe 20. I love to run. I am running across a track field as a track practice or meet is happening. Just for the joy of it, I am running along the edge of the track and passing the runners. On the track including a car, with ease. The male coach sees this and wants me on the team. I laugh. I can't do it I have a night job at a factory. And my \"mother\" wouldn't like it. She would be upset. I walk away from him. He and his young assistant drive up to me as I'm walking in a pickup I tell him it won't do any good to try and talk me into it. I do get into the passenger side. He earnestly talks. I suddenly look over to the young man and ask who the fuck he is. The coach grins and tells me his name. I shrug, dismissing him as unimportant and pimply faced. I keep refusing the coach's earnest explanations, thinking how my mother needs me. (She's an alcoholic) and she'd be upset with me. Finally, I get out of the pick up and he stands in front of me and says I'll offer you a scholarship, I'll help you take care of your mother, You can go to college and do what you love to do. Better your life. I am scared to go against my \"mother\" but this is too good a deal to pass up. I feel attracted to him. He seems kind. I ask him, Are you an honest man? I will say yes. But there is much work I will have to do to assertively say yes and trust."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3932", 
            "content": "(10/07/00)[\"Moral teachings.\"] I am visiting in some woman's house. The children are rambunctious and naughty. I am going from room to room trying to coral them telling them to settle down. Don't be so noisy and disruptive. They will not listen. I get into one room where a man is sleeping. He might be the physical therapist. I then see the owner of the house (like Anastasia's friend) who is seated in the garden next to a non blooming bed of roses. She tells me that when the roses bloom, they are poisonous and no one can rent this house until they stop. I am sympathetic on how hard that would be for the owner. I scurry around herding the children into the main room. They keep escaping. Some of their teen friends are on the patio and I ask them to leave. They refuse, laughing at me. I tell one boy I know his father. They reluctantly leave. Now it is time for the priest to instruct me on moral lessons and quiz me. I stand in the room as he lectures. He draws a multi-colored design or graphic on my right shoulder and when he asks me a question, I am to point to the right section. He asks me a series of what would you of if---questions. I have trouble answering. The correct names. But I can explain the basic answer. At one point, my Hawaiian dress is so loose, my breast flops out. I feel embarrassed and try to tuck them back in. Finally I answer all the questions and the lesson is over."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3933", 
            "content": "(10/08/00)[\"Howard's back.\"] Bonnie and I are in a room. A man is transplanting plant starts into a number of interesting pottery pieces. He wants my approval and attention. I sort of ignore him. There was a nap and then Howard comes in. I need to go to a workshop. Howard picks me up and carries me down the raked stairs. He places me in the audience. One person is lying down with a sheet over them. I lie down too. Later it is time to leave and the other man does everything he can to get my attention. I choose to ignore him again. Time is passing. We are late leaving I gather up some of the plants in their containers. There are several small children running around, having fun. Howard's arms are strong and we laugh at some joke together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3934", 
            "content": "(10/11/00)[\"The fairy tale castle and chaos.\"] I am in a town on the outskirts. In a huge fairy tale castle. I had been sleeping in a car. Charla was there. Katrina drives up with her small children. Her youngest daughter looks like Lydia's (Anastasia's friend)'s youngest daughter. She is whining and crying. Like a spoiled brat. I am annoyed at her. I am trying to gather up some things. Then I go into a bar. Lots of people there. I am insulting and yelling at most of them. I say mean things to Charla. Then I go to the Fairy Tale castle. Looking for the city's King that lives there. Instead, I find three women roommates that live in the front room. The room is very cluttered and messy. I crawl up on the fireplace mantle. I am very annoyed with them. for being very irresponsible. I leave the castle very unhappy with them and me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3935", 
            "content": "(10/18/00)[\"Flying with the pain.\"] I am lying down and the pain in my foot is tremendous. Ginny is helping to get me on an airplane to fly me to S City. I am watching and I see the tailgate like piece slam down on both my feet, cutting off my right foot. I am in terrible pain. People are aghast at what happened. Now by will of my mind, I am lifting myself up and flying myself around still lying down on my back. I am looking around me and I see buildings that I am skimming over, barely making it over the tops. I see carnival rides I am skimming over and I feel like I'm experiencing a carnival ride. Now I see a country road and I turn left and follow it like I'm driving. Now I'm in a \"car\" maybe a convertible and must turn left or right. I ask the country singer with me which way to turn. He grins and says you choose. I turn left. Now I'm gliding (still on my back like I'm reclining in a hospital bed, slightly raised.) in a beautiful old hotel and each wing has different blues artists. I love being there and turn down a hall to listen to wonderful jazzy blues music.. A Negro man sings the blues. I am amazed at how perfect the music is and that I am making this music up in my head. It sounds just like I was listening to the radio. I see a ladies room and admire the signs on the wall. It is beautifully ornate, the decor. I concentrate on the wonderful music to keep my mind off the terrible pain."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3936", 
            "content": "(10/18/00)[\"Lovely new house in the country.\"] I bought an old large house in the country. Charla and I are moving in. My foot still hurts. Charla and I share a bed in a downstairs back bedroom. I am surprised at myself for having bought the house and for choosing the old beat up back bedroom and for moving so soon after the surgery. Charla and I are talking. She is restless. I peek into another room and see two toilets and a boy sitting at a desk. Apparently the other family hasn't completely moved out yet. Charla makes a sexy rude comment about the boy and uses the word \"fuck.\" I scold her saying that is not appropriate. I restlessly turn on my left side and see a door with glass panes and the backyard. I wonder why I'd decided to sleep in the badly built old back bedroom. I decide to go upstairs and look around. It is a very lovely up there. Large spacious rooms and the view is exquisite. Rolling hills, majestic mountain, an ocean. I can see for miles like on top of a hillside. I am aware that I should be able to have such a view from a country village outside of E City. A children's camp is next door, The kids wear red T-shirts, I think Charla will like that. I wonder why I made the decision so quickly to move, a rash decision without considering things like what Charla's school would be like and where it is. We decide to go see if we can find the school. We walk down a country lane around a corner and an old building there looked like a school, but wasn't. We return to the house. I again marvel at the view. I remember an old woman died recently and willed it to me. I go back in and look over the rooms and decide the room on the left that used to be a formal dining room would be my library. I choose to sleep in the master bedroom on this floor."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3937", 
            "content": "(10/18/00)[\"Chris Farley.\"] I am traveling down a side walk in my wheelchair. I see another woman in a weird manual chair. She's starting to cross the intersection and a bus is bearing down on her. I rush to push her across the intersection. She is upset with me because she wanted to go the other way. I smile at her good naturedly and say don't worry, I'll take you back. I push her wobbly chair back across the intersection. Then I continue on my way. I now have a flame thrower and am burning any trash laying around on the sidewalk. I see a young man who looks like Chris Farley. He watches me. He is interested in following me around. I go back the way I came to the office. I work at. I go in and file some papers. He watches intently."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3938", 
            "content": "(10/19/00)[\"Sci fi scary movie.\"] I am exhausted and decide to sleep in the small two roomed house, next to my regular house. I lie down on my back on the ugly bed and am so tired. Then I am restless and get up. The place looks like a run down motel room. Blue print cotton curtains all wrinkled and open. I try and get them closed. Everything is a mess. I look out the window and see the little girl laying out a blanket and putting their teddy bears and dolls on the blanket. I lock the front door with chains and locks. I walk through the messy kitchen and lock one of the back doors, leaving the other two open so Bootsie can get in. I had cuddled her for a moment in the bed and she got restless and ran outside. I saw another cat scurry under the back door, so I decided that's how Bootsie came in and left the other two open so she would get back in. I worry about that leaving me vulnerable to burglars or bad guys. I am angry at Ellie for making such a mess. and here I am in the inferior house and she is in my good regular house. Dovre is there. As I am complaining about Ellie making such a mess, I look out the window, It is now dark out and the little girls have gone back inside. I think it odd they decided to set up their \"picnic\" so close to dark. I go outside to look. That's when I notice the front of the \"house\" is the driver's side of my van. The door is off the hinges and sitting in the van and a big bashed up area. She'd had an accident and didn't tell me. I am angry. I call out \"Joe!\" I go back into the house. A young 1950's hood (JD) stands there, Richard, also a young JD who was staying with our family. I accuse Joe \"my brother\" of messing up the house and wreaking the van. I yell at him, accusing him. I see gopher trails and holes all over the kitchen floor. Mud droppings all over. Joe and Richard run. I accuse Richard who runs up a hill. He's running away because I am accusing him. I realize this is bad, so I call out, \"We can work this out. We love you anyway. He hesitates and then returns. Now we go into the regular house where I see my \"Dad\" an older Italian kind of guy in a T-shirt and pot belly. He invents things and has 2 \"products\" he is excited about marketing. They are minor silly things but he takes it all very seriously. A neighbor woman, young, pretty and sexy comes in and leans on him, her expansive cleavage showing. My \"Dad\" and Richard are flirting and staring at her breasts. She has dark hair. My \"mother\" is in the house, an unhappy woman. I angrily tell the young woman she must leave and never flirt with my \"Dad\" again. She laughs at me and I threaten her. I force her out the back door. She is backing out teasing me about how I can't stop her. She falls backward into a creek and I laugh and taunt her. I yell watch out for the snakes. There is a lot of green algae there and she screams and is frightened, struggling to get out of the murky water. I laugh at her. I go back in. Joe and Richard are working with my \"father.\" \"Dad\" is sympathetic of my anger at Joe for ruining my van just after I spent $1500 on a new engine. He will have to work hard difficult jobs for long hours to pay me for the damages to the van. He also has to clean up my house. Then I see a giant tarantula leg walking over me. It is trying to wrap me in a web and I struggle. I realize these giant things are my \"Dad's\" creation, made to destroy my \"mother.\" I struggle away and run outside knowing they've already killed my \"mother.\" Now slimy snake like things are coming up out of the ground and grabbing for me. I run into my house very afraid. Joe and Richard are working for my \"Dad\" and now they are searching for me. I hide under a long box (wooden, rectangle). The size of a coffin, turned over me. They are plotting to kill me. Now I the dream \"ego\" see two of \"me\" running insanely out to the road and standing in front of an oncoming car which caused us to glow as the lights hit us. It was the police. They ran over us. We died. We were insane and trying to die because of the madness of my \"brother\" and \"Dad\" and all those giant snakes and spiders were too scary."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3939", 
            "content": "(10/19/00)[\"Accept!!\"] I am in a hospital. I get up and walk wondering how it is possible to be able to step down on my left foot. I hear a turd fall to the floor from my butt. I am in an open, long room. A nurse and Mabel are there. I decide to use the potty chair but see the screen isn't in place around it. I walk over there and see a red icky mess under the potty pan I am relieved it was someone else's turd that fell. Mabel suggests we go for a walk. I ask again, in surprise, is it really OK for me to use my left foot. She says no problem. We walk out a side door to a weedy messy courtyard area in the back of the building. I see various cute animals that look like possums wandering around. A big yellow bird in a box moves right behind my knees and tries to bump into me as I walk. I am looking behind me at it, laughing at how cute it is. Mabel calls my attention to an owl like bird by the wall with huge glowing yellow eyes. Then Mabel snaps to attention hearing something. I look out the courtyard and to the street. I see some teen girls walking along. One girl is angry at the other. She says, \"You shouldn't pick the roses!\" She repeats that over and over. I realize it is Mabel's daughter and Mabel runs over to her to talk. I am left alone. A rowdy group of JD's gather around me. They threaten to beat me up. I try to talk them out of it. They force me to walk back toward the back of the courtyard. I yell out \"Help. Help.\" Mabel help me.\" The teen boys laugh at me. I ask them why they are going to do this! They shrug and say just because I was there. They walk ahead of me. I run away from them back toward the street. I choose to hide myself under a thatch of scratchy bushes. I am uncertain this is a good decision. I rustle around, trying to hide myself. I wonder if I should try to run again. The teens find me easily. They laugh at me. I realize they are going to beat me up. and there's nothing I can do to avoid it so I stoically stand there, chatting with them, waiting for it to be over with. This somehow impresses them and the dream ends without the beating."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3940", 
            "content": "(10/19/00)[\"Jim Carrey and me.\"] I am walking down a sidewalk. I am some book store clerk (and not myself.) Jim Carrey is filming a \"schtick\" and pulls me to him to be a part of it. I mimic his crazy faces. I am very agile and do physical comedy that works well. After the moment is over (one move is that I was pretending to wrap my legs around him and hang on to him and then my feet walk up a brick wall and defying gravity.) After the schtick is over, I walk on down the street, aware I am late for a meeting. I have to have info for. Jim is now intrigued by me and my impressive acting skills. He follows me. I go into the bookstore. I rush around to get the info. A male co worker says hurry. You're late. I hen see Jim buying boxes of books. Books on lots of different subjects. I remember seeing some on boats and sailing. He is trying to impress me. I hurry across the street to a coffee cafe where the meeting is being held. As I go in, I see Jim doing funny movements on the street. I enter the cafe chuckling at his antics. I see a number of long tables and every customer along the tables turned, staring out the window at Jim in curiosity. Then they pretend they aren't interested when they see me come in. I find my meeting group in a window corner area. I begin talking to a Mr.  , the boss who will be angry I am late. I say I've already written as book script for a movie (It's title is \"Back To Win.\") I work hard to convince the boss not to be angry at me and to make the book into a movie. Or I am pointing out it was a popular movie and I wrote it. I am very articulate and persuasive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3941", 
            "content": "(10/21/00)[\"Tap dancing with Ellie.\"] I am living in a small cottage. I am learning tap dancing. I cheerfully challenge Ellie or she joins in as I do a riff. She'd follow my rhythm and we enjoyed doing \"dueling tap dance routines.\" We were doing this on a small narrow cement sidewalk just in front of the small cement steps and porch in front of the house. We were waiting for the arrival of relatives to a reunion we are hosting. Now I envision a narrow cement sidewalk up the middle of the lawn. We tap up and down that. I am making up new steps and rhythms. Heel, toe, flop flop, etc. I see an odd convertible sports car driving up the road and stopping in front of our yard. No one is in it. I am quite surprised. Then another car drives up and at first I think it is Patricia but it is her sister Suzanne in the passenger side. She is using a remote control to drive the cars. I am amazed. She parks the cars a bit crookedly. More relatives visit. I go into the house. One of my Aunts calls me over to a table with many small jigsaw puzzles laid out. She smiles and gently challenges me to try to put them together. My mother had been doing it and just went outside. I shrug and sit, looking at the pieces. They are white background with simple black line drawings of various zoo type animals. I find I can do this."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3942", 
            "content": "(10/22/00)[\"Red haired rapist.\"] A red headed man sneaks up to my bedroom window. I am hurt, lying in bed and realize he is a rapist. I grab my phone and call 911. I can't remember my address. I say I am within a quarter mile or a hundred yards of a state park. It feels like the same location as the reunion dream, but not the same house. He comes into the house and talks to me, telling me to let him have sex with me. I try and fight, pulling his hair hard. He threatens to hurt me more if I struggle. I am trying to fight hi off and also aware I'd want to have sex. These feelings are within me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3943", 
            "head": "10/22/00", 
            "content": "I have returned from someplace with an injury and now I must sleep up on the roof of a small cottage. I am lying on the narrow flat part of the roof. I am uncomfortable. I have a slim blanket and no pillow. I am afraid I will, in my sleep, roll over and fall off the roof and badly injure myself. It is miserable. I have to be there until I heal. I in desperation look around for a safer more comfortable place to sleep. I stand up, although it seems I shouldn't be able to. I look out and over to the next small cottage and then my \"parent's house.\" All these are owned by my parents. I walk over these roofs looking for a better safe place to sleep. I don't find anything. I walk into my parents' where I used to have a room. I see a man and I think it is my brother Dwight. I suspect he's leaving and I call out to him You'd better not leave without saying goodbye to me or I'll be upset. He hesitates and returns to sit in a chair near where I lay. He confesses he's decided to leave his family. I suddenly realize it's not Dwight but some other man. I say, \"I know\" and he says How? Did you call my nephew? I say no. I didn't do it. I am relieved it is not Dwight's and embarrassed that in my pain, I didn't recognize him. He had black dreadknot curls in his hair. Lydia does some math calculating to try and get me to stay in my room rent free. She shows me the figures. I don't believe it is possible that I can stay without cheating."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3944", 
            "content": "(10/23/00)[\"Going to school again? Why?\"] I live with my parents. I am downtown \"M City.\" I have decided to take a college class of math at B City College. I need to take a test at Voc. Rehab which is at the post office. I have to get into a crate area that is the elevator. I crawl over the rail to get into the barred area as it is moving. I see Betty Cat is with me and I hold her as she snuggles. I must remember to tell my mother she's wandering off clear downtown now. I get to the basement. A man is there working and pays no attention to me. I call out to him that I want to take the 7 hour test. I need to take for that class. Even as I say this, I am wondering why I am doing this. I remember signing up to do high school again and then didn't go to classes for that. The man tells me I can do the test on Tuesday or Thursday from noon to 5:30pm. I sigh, and decide to do it now, as it is Tuesday. I don'' want to do this, but I'' doing it anyway. I hold my cat and cuddle her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3945", 
            "head": "10/24/00", 
            "content": "I am working as a counselor at a community college. I keep peeing in my clothes and it really smells bad. I decide this isn't OK and work hard to get it cleaned up. It is a struggle. I am rehooking a string of beads together and feeling better about cleaning things up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3946", 
            "content": "(10/25/00)[\"War ships and music.\"] I am seated close to an ocean on the sandy beach. I see warships like USS Cole plowing through the waters. I like being so close to the water since I can't walk to actually BE there. I am glad I can see so closely. Now Charla comes and disrupts the sand. I withdraw some distance, unhappy to have to move away from the ocean. I have a guitar and am trying to play it. Another person has a different type of guitar. I try to show them how to play it. Unusual set of strings. Ones more like a bass guitar. I enjoy plucking out rhythm and melodies."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3947", 
            "content": "(10/28/00)[\"Nate makes me sad.\"] I am in an unusual world. A sort of Saturday Market, only with secret entrances to another level. Only certain people can use the secret entrance. I am standing at a chicken wire kind of fence. Looking out, away from the Saturday Market area. A tall man in a black long hooded robe. It has orange colored squarish designs. He stands very close to me. I turn and look at his face. It is Nate. I want to touch him and hug him. I lean toward him but he shrugs and turns and walks away. I feel great with sadness. Again he leaves me unsatisfied. I feel longing and sorrow. I try to shrug it off and go on. I walk up an odd wall where the second to last square is the secret entrance to the lower level. I step into a swirling funnel and get sucked down to the lower level. A cop tries to follow me but can't get through. The entrance would not accept him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3948", 
            "content": "(11/05/00)[\"Soft sweet flavors and sweet emotions.\"] I am in a cafe sitting in seats like in school. A waitress sits on my left. I am trying to write her a complement letter. Dear \"One\" as in Number one. I write. Then I can't think of anything more to say. Another woman reads and copies a paper I have there, a form. She feels embarrassed and hands it back. A group of women are getting ready to go outside for a little tour walk. I am going to join them. A pudgy short man, a \"director\" comes in and I pick up a flower design off a cow and sniff it. He does too. It is sweet and delicious. Together we begin to explore as we go on this tour walk and share our delightful flavors and smells with each other. A sweet tender friendship quickly forms. We agree to continue this together after the tour. I accidentally hug him. I am so happy with this connection. Our plump fronts touch and we feel embarrassed and look away. I pull back. Now we leave the tour to go on our own to the next taste treat. Somehow it never happens. His male friends tease him about how silly it is and we sadly separate. I see the women's group going in and I hesitate. Maybe I'll follow them in. I wait hopefully for the good soft warm feelings to return, but it all slowly evaporates."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3949", 
            "content": "(11/06/00)[\"Physical therapy. Better get going.\"] I am trying to do exercises of my feet. I use a sort of stair step device. A dog is friendly and nearby. I tell someone he belongs to some people who live with me. A Doctor or physical therapist follows me around, concerned and talking about a possible problem with some of the bones, muscles and joints in my right foot. He names a part or a technique I should be concerned about."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3950", 
            "head": "11/09/00", 
            "content": "It's time to go down into the unconscious."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3951", 
            "content": "(11/11/00)[\"Transformation is happening.\"] I am in a meeting conference room. A group I belong to like \"CDBG.\" Many members are showing up. A full room. It's the beginning of a new term. People are talkative and pushy, demanding I behave like them. I do not want to. I don't like the way they are following rules without thinking things over themselves. The room is sort of at the end of a series or a long hall of rooms like in a train. The table I'm at goes around and take turns giving their speeches. A few of us are left. We decide to fly our tables up the hall corridor to the front. It's kind of fun. Now we will get some breakfast. So, some man wants me to \"comply\" with the program. A black man on my right slaps me on the arm. I say don't hit me. He does it again. I say I am going to kick you and then I do. He is very upset with me. I point out I am the honest one. I tell him what I'm going to do and then do it. He just sneaks up and hits. Another man tries to convince me to do the program so I can finally win or earn my sheriff shoes. I laugh saying I don't want sheriff shoes. He is shocked. Why do I do this for me. I say. Because I want to."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3952", 
            "content": "(11/14/00)[\"Lucid flying.\"] I am suddenly aware I am in a hypnogogal state and become interested in the images floating by. I feel very envious and excited. I know there are so many I will not remember them all and feel regret I will not. As I continue watching, I see colors and it evolves into a sort of \"landscape\" of objects. A planter on the left, a red object in it. Sort of buildings along a \"sidewall.\" Then I realize I am lucid as well and get very happy. I look up and see a dark cloudy night sky, Oh, what fun. I can fly. I point my arms up to the sky and begin to fly up, feeling joy. As I go higher, the clouds lessen and I see some stars twinkling through. I headed for the starry deep space and love it. As I fly, I see that now I am over a dark ocean and fairly close to the surface. (As I was up in the air, I asked myself what would I like to see, to know.) (Nothing came to me.) As I skim over the dark ocean on a dark night, I become aware I could choose to dive into the water and explore. I feel resistance. It would be cold and I couldn't breath and potentially scary. Then I challenge myself to do it. I will it to happen, but I just can't do it. It seems too scary. Then everything is so dark I can't see anything. I am completely enclosed in dark. I am slightly worried but I fly with it anyway."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3953", 
            "content": "(11/14/00)[\"Mermaids and crabs.\"] I am in a radio station lobby. Waiting. A group of kids (teens are there. I think they are the Hallmark kids. They have lots of energy. They are messy. They've been eating and paper plates and so on are all over. I am trying to pick up the mess. It then falls off my lap. They help me get it off the floor. I am in my power wheelchair. I decide I want to take the garbage to the office area and throw it away. I try to find a door to the office. I struggle past furniture and stuff to one door. It is closed. I turn and retrace my route to the lobby. One of the Hallmark kids walks with me. They think I shouldn't go to the office. That'' the inner sanctum and I shouldn't interrupt. A tall thin man in a manual wheelchair dressed in a fancy white tuxedo wheels past me to the door I turned away from. I think of warning him but don't. I see another door, but it is too narrow for my chair. Then I find the door to the hall. I go in and turn right, down the hall. I enter the office at the end of the hall. I see a group of women in mermaid suits seated in a fake blue \"ocean\" and taking phone calls. I get the attention of one of them and hand her the small pile of papers and leaves \"garbage\" I'd collected. She opens an appointment book and says put it in here. I say really? Not sure that makes sense. She says sure, why not? I shrug and put them in. Then I ask her why they are dressed as mermaids when they are dealing with people on the phone who can't see them. She says Oh, we don't have to wear the mermaid suits. We can wear our gym outfits or other costumes. I realize she hadn't really answered my question but don't pursue it. I turn and leave back down the hall. Dovre is with me now. I am carrying in my right hand a sort of orange spongy sea creature with a tiny yellow crab in it. It keeps trying to snip at me with its claws. Dovre is excited about a product for sale. She wants me to buy it. She points to the box (we went into a room on the right) and says see, you can get fireworks. I say to her, I don't want fireworks. She continues to express with enthusiasm how wonderful fireworks are. I say if you want this, you buy it. I then ask her if she wants to hold the crab as it is trying to snip me. She says no thanks. I carry it looking for a place to get rid of it or put it down. I am annoyed with Dovre."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3954", 
            "content": "(11/16/00)[\"Hypnogogic images.\"] Lush growing plants like in my front window. As I was aware I was in the hypnogogic state I examined them and saw they were slightly different kinds of leaves. The background is a plate glass window. This image is in the top left corner of a dark purple background. I enjoyed looking at them and thought about how this is a good image that represents growth and health and healing. Another image comes. White with textured swirls. I become aware it's a ceiling. I wonder if my eyes are open and then I know I am seeing a mental image. It goes away. I think how interesting that was a ceiling. Then it pops back up as I thought about it. Another image. A lacy crocheted white rose. Very pretty."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3955", 
            "content": "(11/21/00)[\"Radio dreams.\"] I am a child with other children in a school room. I decide to teach them something. I begin talking on my subject. But some radio is playing. A woman's voice is reporting something. I feel annoyed. I look to my right and see an open door to the hall and see some adults standing around sort of watching. I like that they are seeing me teach. I walk toward the door so they can see me better. But the door closes. I feel annoyed. I walk back to the round table where the other kids are. I ask them to turn off that radio. They pay no attention to me at all. I decide to find it and turn it off myself. I feel embarrassed I haven't better control of them. I find a small radio and find the off button but it doesn't work. I find another larger black radio with many many wires. One by one I follow the wire with my hand and yank out the ones plugged in the wall. Nothing helps. The radio keeps on talking. I feel very frustrated. [NOTES: I wake up to NPR news on the radio.]"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3956", 
            "content": "(11/26/00)[\"Crazy man wont go away.\"] I decide to move into a New York apartment. I find my apartment door and open to discover it is a very tiny room. In fact two different apartment doors open onto the same tiny space. I am very disappointed. I go next door and peek in. It's a nice room. The woman says hi. She walks me down the hall to the next room which is huge and spacious, a sort of community sitting room we can use sometimes. A man in a towel and shower cap steps out. I feel embarrassed. He doesn't seem to mind there are people in his room. We go out into the hall. I step down the large steps and try and find my own apartment doors. It is hard. But I find them and go in. I stand there trying to figure out how to place the furniture. A man, plump and round, and short, with a very round head with short curly almost fuzzy hair knocks on my door and then walks right in. I say hey, this is my apartment. He ignores me. I feel afraid. I think he is a crazy man. I edge out of the apartment and go to the next door apartment. The woman invites me in and I say can I use your phone? There is this weird guy out here. She says sure.. The crazy round man comes right in and he has a son, a smaller version of himself with him. He won't leave. I pick up the phone and say in hushed tones 911. A woman answers and I whisper the address, and they need to come right away because this crazy man wont leave and he might be harmful. I stand there holding the phone waiting for a response. Meanwhile, the son is gone and a baby girl with his same fuzzy hair is there. I pick her up and she is very affectionate. She puckers up and gives me sweet kisses on the cheek. I see the shirt she is wearing has her name on it. Nadia Davis. And a bunch of writing indicating she is from the Catholic charities. I wonder if this is valid information or if the man dressed her like that to fool people. He is standing very close and glaring at me. I feel nervous.. I cuddle the baby trying to ignore the man as I wait for the 911 people to answer. No one comes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3957", 
            "content": "(11/26/00)[\"Al Gore dream.\"] I am still in the New York apartment building of the last dream. The young wife, like Helen Hunt, with red hair, had tried to decorate her tiny apartment. I went in and saw two low couches in garish colors, a golden fur cover on one and multiple colored fake fur on the other. She says this room is too small. She is very disappointed and upset trying to make the furniture work. I sit on one couch, complaining that I will never be able to get out of it because of my knees and she will have to help pull me out. I see the other couch right across from me, the multicolored one is higher and wished I had sat on it. Then I see the baby girl. My god, I said. You had a baby. She smiles distractedly at me. I look more closely and see it is just like the baby the crazy round man of the last dream had with him. I am shocked. You stole a baby? I exclaim. She denies it, trying to change the subject. I say you can't just steal a baby! What will your husband think. Are you going to tell him it's his or that you stole it? She is very upset and won't answer me. She walks out of the room and across the hall. I follow her. We step into a tiny closet sized room and I say to her you have to do something. She paces, wildly thinking it over. She says but it does have red hair, like me. Now we return to her tiny apartment and her husband, Al Gore is there. The round man from the previous dream comes in and is now her brother. He says that's the same baby I stole. You have to give it back. Al looks confused. Helen says you're right. I will. But I really like her. I say she's a good kisser. The baby puckers up and kisses sweet baby kisses at Helen. We agree she is cute. Helen takes the baby to return it to it's people. Al Gore sits down suddenly on the multi colored couch and shakes his head quizzically. He says to himself in unbelieving accents, \"He actually fixed a problem: referring to the dead beat brother, as he is usually the problem, not a solution maker. Al is disappointed in himself for not figuring it out himself. A woman from the democratic reception room comes in and says we need you in the reception room right now. Al tiredly gets up and goes. I follow along and pop into a long room with tables set up with snacks etc. on them. I hurriedly check the signs to make sure I am in the democratic room, not the republican one. I am in the democratic room. I see many people all dressed up in weird pink cellophane wrap costumes lining up to go out and rally for Gore. They are all tall and look like giant bottles shapes would look like if wrapped in cellophane with a ribbon tied at the top. They pass me in single file. An organizer woman says to me can you walk? I say not for long, but I could wheelchair it, except for all the stairs. No good, she says. There are stairs at the door. I wander over to the snack table which is nearly empty saying under my breath. There are stairs everywhere. I look over to Al Gore hoping he heard me, as that is something he should be fixing. He is of course paying attention to the campaign people and didn't hear. The woman asks if I want a snack and I see the large red and white sausages and say, no, there's nothing here that I can eat, what with my Atkins diet. I leave and return to the tiny apartment. Now the woman that used to live next door has moved in with Helen, Al Gore and myself. We have a second small room adjoining the tiny one. She and Al are in the tiny room talking. The woman says she sure wishes she could have her own place there is no privacy here. I step into the next room to look at what's in it. A piano, some odds and ends of furniture. No bed. I wonder where we will all sleep. I look into an open doorway and see a shower room. I say so that's what a roll in shower room would look like. It is white and bare and ugly. No toilet, just a big shower. Then a stream of water pours down on me at the doorway. Hurriedly I back away saying and its wet. Now the water is spraying out all over the room with the piano. I call out for help. Al comes in and looks but doesn't do anything. A maintenance man rushes in and tries to fix it but now the water rushes out in a major stream, knocking him over. I notice his bare butt as he washes past me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3958", 
            "content": "(11/28/00)[\"Party time.\"] I am at a huge party. Lots of couples. Romances are starting up, dancing, broken hearts as couples find their partners getting together with new people. It is a house of many rooms. At one end there is a pivoted angle. Later I am the woman giving the party. I go from room to room hosting. One room is a bedroom where exhausted revelers are resting. One is a fuzzy yellow eyed \"alien.\" I wake him and say its 4:00. You might want to rejoin the party. He's too tired and sleepy. I move on out to a kitchen with 4 stoves in it. I become aware that's a dream image."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3959", 
            "content": "(11/28/00)[\"Shards of multi-colored glass in my mouth.\"] I own a business of some sort. Alan Alda and I are there. He is a medical Doctor. We are friendly. He wants me to go with him to see the area where the employees are doing arts and crafts projects in their free time. Maybe we'll play and have fun there. We walk over to a table area and I notice a small shard of colored glass is on my finger. I had touched the table surface with my hand and a piece stuck to me. Someone had been doing a cut glass project. I carefully take it out of my finger and see more shards on the table. I want to move on someplace more safe but Alan is interested in showing me something there. I notice another shard. I pull it out, then another and then I am in bare or stocking feet and get some on my toes. I am worried. Alan stands there observing. I want him to help me but he doesn't. More and more I find the shards. Red, green, blue ones. Then one is in my mouth. That distresses me as I might swallow it and cut my throat inside. I carefully remove it, Then more and more until my mouth is full of them. I must be very careful swallowing. I am worried and Alan simply watches. I'm pulling out bunches of them now. I say to him, I need a restroom. He vacantly looks around. I see a sink and try to rinse these shards out of my mouth. It's becoming scary."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3960", 
            "head": "12/01/00", 
            "content": "I am at school, entering a class room. A young man is setting up a tall rectangular clear plastic box. Several musicians are setting up to play music. The man asks me sympathetic questions about when did I play music myself and too bad I can't do that anymore. I tell him about my Rheumatoid Arthritis and how my fingers were deformed and I had to give up playing instruments. I tell the story nostalgically and he is empathetic. Later, he and I are going to sing a song together. We'd worked on a bit. A sort of impromptu moment. We begin to sing and falter as we both forget the words. We look at each other for guidance on the next word. Finally we stop and sit down. I say to the small group of people listening \"He forgot the words.\" Nobody seems upset or cares. I even feel relaxed about it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3961", 
            "content": "(12/02/00)[\"The blue fish story.\"] I am seated mid-air, listening to some lecture or some offer being made that could be good for me (or whoever gets it). A small fuzzy slipper shaped yellow and black stripped creature (there are 2 of them) zip around in the air. One of them comes to me and holds tightly to the bottom of my left foot. As it presses snugly up against my heel, I feel it humming and vibrating vigorously. It is intense, almost uncomfortable, but I also feel a bit honored it is doing this. I seem to understand it is trying to help me to get the offered thing the lecturer is talking about. Then the creature flies me fast up to the ceiling and back down to where I was seated in the air. It repeats this a number of times. I am concerned I will bump my head on the ceiling but it never happens. Now he pulls me down to the floor near the offer being made. I repeat this several times. Then he flies me around the room. I am concerned I am distracting the lecturer or disturbing the few other people there also seated in mid-air. Then the creature brings me to the place where the lecturer is. Only, now there is a large poster with some instructions and graphics. I am thought instructed to push the area marked G2. I push it, a little confused which area is the right one to push. It lights up with blue light. Apparently I've entered to try and get the offer. Now two young business men are speaking. They are explaining the offer they will give people. Land, a house and help them get started to build their lives as they wish. The second young man cautions them everyone not to get too complacent and expect everything to be supplied to them. They must help themselves and be active workers on their project. Now it seems I have won the offer. I am given a small package to open, but first I notice the two fuzzy creatures are wrapped uncomfortably in red clothes. I help them by removing the red coverall wrappers so they are free. Then I unwrap the package. A blue fish (the size of a goldfish is there, no water. I realize I need to get it in water. I carry it quickly to a kitchen sink and grab a red/gold bowl and pour water from the faucet. I then notice it is warm water which might harm the fish. So I adjust the water to cold. The blue fish slips into the sink where the water is warm. I scoop him out and into the small fish bowl of cold water. He turns into a gold fish and swims around. Then the bowl is a large aquarium tank. The fish swims around. I see two parts of a dead fish like a trout in there. At first I want to remove it but then realize it will be food for them. I see a few small mosquitos and put them in the tank for food. There I see a cricket and scoop him in there for the fish. The fish is apparently a good special thing that will bring me good things and happiness."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3962", 
            "content": "(12/03/00)[\"Crocodile.\"] I am visiting a house where my mother lives. It is on a river. A patio door opens right onto the river. I stand at the open door and look down into the river. The current is swift as it passes under the house. I look at the bottom of the river and ask how deep it might be. I speculate the river might be 4 feet deep. I feel a twinge of worry that I could fall in and be swept away by the current. I stick my right foot into the water. A large black crocodile appears very close to my foot. I realize my foot is in danger. I know I need to quickly pull my foot out of the water and step back but I don't. I struggle with myself mentally and finally slowly pull my foot back into the house. I step back and the crocodile comes up into the house. Now it is a crocodile boy and walks two legged. It is dangerous to have him in the house. I don't know what to do to get him out. I follow him around to try and keep him from doing any damage. Now a man and a woman come in. They intend to do damage to the top of the chimney so we will be driven out by smoke and then they will steal things. I see clouds of white smoke starting to build up and descend down toward us. I see her reaching from the chimney top to grab at objects on a shelf to steal. She is a clown/comedic performer. I am angry at her. I tell her to stop. She laughs and ignores me. Now she is in the house and doing a comedy performance to a small group of people. I stand on the side angrily watching. I want her to leave. Somehow I take over the performance area and try to do her routine from her notes. I fumble along adlibbing as best I can. I do OK, but it's a bit lame. She watches sort of pulling me down, but a small bit of respect is there. I come off the \"stage\" and say to a friend, she didn't even have a script. Only some pictures. That was hard to do. I am mellowing my attitude about her as well. Now I'm in another room. My mother comes in and says look at my new hair cut. I tell her I like it. It makes her look years younger. At first it looks like a page boy bouffant style. Her hair is brown. As I look more closely, I see her hair is buzz cut on the left side as she faces me and there are hair stubble on her cheek. The top is combed over to the right and then curls down around her ear. The stubble is unattractive and I am very surprised at the modern buzz cut style. This is not usual for my mother."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3963", 
            "content": "(12/04/00)[\"Aliens kill nightmare.\"] I/a woman is entering an airplane. The dream ego is watching from behind her. I see her feet stepping into the raised carpeted stairs in the aisle as she steps down each step like in a raked seating situation. She walks to the front. She turns to the right and pulls out a black pistol and fires into the chest of a passenger, male. A man stands up and also pulls out a gun and begins to kill passengers. Between the two they kill every passenger. Then they throw the bodies out the windows on one side. They are aliens. Another I (the dream ego) is in another airplane, in the cockpit. The Captain tensely says to his crew to lock the door. I see people falling out of the other airplane. The crew member nearest the door is afraid and fumbles as he tries to lock the door. The lock turns and holds. They know it's aliens and they are next. I wake up afraid."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3964", 
            "content": "(12/04/00)[\"Dream program presentation.\"] I am at an ASD conference. It's the middle of the night. I'd been working hard on my dream program and the research on my dreams. A man, friendly and attracted to me, is very interested in the findings of my work. I tell Charla my granddaughter she needs to go to bed now. I shut down the computer even though the man is still very interested in my dream program work. I need to leave to give my presentation. I am now at the conference. I walk up a few steps to the stage area and to the podium. I look down at the audience noticing the high backed pews they are sitting in. They seem to be a it far away. I begin my talk. I am aware of a pile of papers on the podium. A bit messy. I wonder where I should start. I begin to describe how we can search a root word and get all the syntaxed versions of the word.. I proudly announce I have a 15,000 word dictionary, melted down from my... I mean Barbara Sanders... many dreams over 25 years. I see audience members smiling at my slip of the tongue I make the same slip often. I'm not fooling anyone. I begin to talk about the category system, how it started with the Hall/van De Castle system. About this time, I realize I'm getting enthusiastic about describing how my dream program works and how I created this and this. I shift the topic to the research results, which is the main topic of the presentation. I announce I am very excited about the results of my research. I studied my...Barb Sanders nightmares. I found a very high pattern of the feeling \"resistance.\"` and not fear or disgust as I had expected. Then I found a high level of a \"sense of peace\" This really interests the audience. I say, let me show you the results on the transparency. I look to my right and realize the assistant did not have the overhead projector set up. I rush over and try to find the transparencies and do it myself. I see piles of them and leaf through them but don't find mine. I am aware I could lose the audience with this distraction and go back to the podium and continue with my presentation without the transparencies saying perhaps the assistant is merely late and will yet show up. He never shows up and I continue the presentation."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3965", 
            "content": "(12/05/00)[\"Get out of my way.\"] I am a young well built woman wearing a red business style suit. I walk into a room to be at a workshop. I am a bit late and the room is so crowded that many women are standing. I squeeze in I am way in the back behind all the other women. I can't see very well. I keep trying to get a better look at the presenter. I'd heard he is a very handsome man and an excellent presenter. When ever I see a glimpse of him, I am not happy with his appearance. He seems short and not particularly handsome. I try and change how he looks. I think \"Michael J. Fox\" but he doesn't really improve. As he speaks, slowly the crowd shifts or decreases enough so that he can see me. I am aware of how good I look and he does notice. He is attracted to me. After the workshop, he comes over to talk with me. We are interrupted in our attempt to get to know each other by a disabled man with CP. He wants some assistance getting things organized so he can manage better independently. The handsome man isn't too helpful but he does try. The disabled man is impatient with the handsome man. After a desk has been moved and organized better, the handsome man lies on the floor I follow over to where he is, but the disabled man insists that I watch him. The disabled man felt that the handsome man had slowed him down or blocked him from showing me how fast he can move on a push cart. The disabled man gets on the push cart and goes to the opposite end of the room from me. He says look. I feel a bit annoyed or thwarted because this is getting in the way of me approaching the handsome man. It takes time to stop and watch him and the path of the push cart is between me and the handsome man. The disabled man doesn't wait for me to respond. He rushes as fast as he can across the room having to avoid hitting the prone handsome man. I say impatiently to the disabled man (over my shoulder as I continue to walk toward the handsome man) Great. You did that in 3 seconds (which really is impressive and fast.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3966", 
            "content": "(12/05/00)[\"Helping the horse.\"] I am at a sort of apartment building, staying for a week or so. I am in a kitchen area. I am trying to pack my things to go home. I see a curio cabinet and remember I need to put things back in there the way it was before I arrived and moved them. As I'm looking around to get my things, an old \"cowboy\" comes in singing a country western song. I don't think he sings all that well. I leave the kitchen and start going up some flights of stairs. Some of the stairs go down but somehow the direction in general is up. The next flight seems broken. I try and arrange the boxes that make up the flight which is laying on a flat floor. Then I see an iron and an ironing board. I remember I need to iron my pink dress. A woman comes over and says Hi. She says too bad you're leaving. We could have been good friends. She's an artist. I agree. She leaves. I iron the flounce on the hem of the dress. The steam iron works well and gets the wrinkles out. Now I leave. I get on a beautiful powerful dark horse. He has lots of energy. I guide him to the edge of the cement highway. I hold him back from running as it's not a good safe surface for him to run. A car pulls in front of us and I look back to see if the traffic is clear so we can go around the car on the highway. I see a car but decide we have enough time and guide the horse out there. The horse refuses and pulls back. We fall. I get up and pull on the reins to get him up. I feel badly because he was right. It was dangerous to go out there. I start to get on him. I pat his neck affectionately. He looks at me and then looks at his feet. I know he's trying to tell me something. I look at his feet and say do you need the ankle taped? He nods. I say which one. He points his nose at the left rear one. I see a black plastic piece on the road and pick it up. He nods yes. I say OK. I'll go get some tape. I walk up a graveled driveway and see an old shed garage and go in. I see a man putting up his rock band equipment. On his right a sort of biker is fixing things. I see a roll of scotch tape. I go to him and ask if I can borrow some tape. He's grumpy and complains about people who take from others. I say to him, forget it, I don't need this crap, as he started to reach out to shake my hand. He quickly pulls his hand back. I realize I'd blown it. Seems he changed his mind and was going to give me the tape. I say never mind, I'll find tape from someone else and walk out. I see an open door on my left. A woman lies on the floor on her belly painting the bottom edge of the door. I ask her if I could borrow some tape. She thinks about it and says yeah, she had some special tape. She rolls or crawls on her belly over inside and gets a sheet of textured tape and carefully cuts a short piece. I needed one longer but decide to make do with it. She gives it to me and gets distracted by a small hole in her wall at the baseboard. She exclaims over and over at something she sees in there. I get the impression its mice or bugs. Oh dear, oh dear! She says. Then she tells me she's an artist and a vegan. I lean in to see what she sees. \"A squirrel\" I say. I thank her for the tape and return to the horse and carefully wrap his ankle with the black plastic and the tape. The biker guy had followed me and he sees I really did need the tape for a good reason. He feels badly he didn't help."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3967", 
            "head": "12/06/00", 
            "content": "I have a brother. He and his friend, a Tim Allen type, comes by. They are carrying some items of importance to them. Ceramic figures in a box. We three go down a road carrying this box carefully. It is important to them nothing gets broken. This has to do with a sport they love and maybe play. Tim is playful and silly. We walk a long way. Then the pieces become rattled and more damage to some of them. My brother and Tim are upset. I sigh. I have no respect for Tim's sports antics and jokes. My brother wants me to like his friend. It is night and we find a tiny light to see how bad the damage is to the ceramic figures. We go up to a house and use their porch to pull the figurines out. I work carefully to try and fix them. Tim keeps up a steady patter of silly talk and finally says something that offends me. I refuse to speak to him. He keeps trying to get me to talk to him, conjoling me and teasing. Now we are carefully packing all the figures back in the box. I am relieved we didn't wake up the owners of the house. My brother calls in a few more of his sports buddies to help us carry all these things. I find one more figurine on the porch. I wrap it carefully in the box. The new friend now does a rhythm thing and a chant. My brother says it is important, like a blessing on the box of figurines. He wants me to not be such a grump and join in. I grudgingly try to chant and listen. Tim wants me to be a good sport."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3968", 
            "content": "(12/08/00)[\"Stealing my things.\"] I live in a house. People start coming in the back door without permission. 1st it's one, then another and more and more. They are taking things and leaving, then returning for more. I am angry at them and a little scared, but I do try and stop them. I call out to them to stop. They ignore me. I stand in front of one plump big guy and try to block his way. He threatens me. I feel afraid of him, but I don't back down. I just hope he doesn't hurt me too badly. He walks around me and continues to take things. I decide to call 911 for the police, realizing as I thought it that of course it won't work it never does. But I try anyway. I never even find the phone. Finally I give up. They're too many of them and what the hell, maybe I'll be better off without all this stuff anyway."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3969", 
            "head": "12/09/00", 
            "content": "I am in a room where a woman is standing facing us and we are seated, like school. She is giving us instructions on how to properly take this test. This has something to do with the elections because I can hear a voice droning on about the elections. I am not really paying attention. I don't think I planned on actually doing the test. At the last minute I decide to do it, so I look carefully at the paper on my desk and look up to see the example. There are two parts. One of the parts is called \"Checker.\" I must compare patterns and choose from #1 or #2. #1 is red and #2 is orange. I have to describe how they are in relationship to each other. I use the < and > signs to say orange has less intensity than red. I then see a drop of lotion. I try to wipe it away. It is bigger now and I keep wiping at it and it keeps getting bigger and bigger. A big messy drippy puddle of lotion now all over my cat Bootsie. The cat looks emaciated very lean and skinny, naked of fur with enormous yellow eyes, the black pupils dilated and huge. I hold her over the waste basket to let the lotion mess drip off her. Finally I get it all in the waste basket."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3970", 
            "content": "(12/10/00)[\"The blind helping me find the bathroom.\"] I am walking down a graveled lane trying to get to my \"room.\" Maybe I'm at a resort. I need to go to the bathroom. Mirabelle is walking with me. I tell her if we take the lane to the right that goes steeply uphill, we will find the accessible bathroom. She wants us to go to our accommodations first to put away the groceries. I need to pee, but agree. We get to our room. I go in. Mirabelle is outside still saying how happy she is to help me out. That's what friends are for. She asks me to hand her the salad on the counter. I look in the sink and see packages of bacon and hamburger. So I think this is supposed to be in the refridge. I look and see \"keep refrigerated\" on the bacon package. I carry them over and put them in the fridge. I see a few cut carrots and some lettuce on a plate and carry it to the patio door and look down (one story). A blind man (Steve) steps toward the window. I direct him verbally. Its 2 more feet, now there's a curb. He's going to also help me find the restroom."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3971", 
            "head": "12/10/00", 
            "content": "A nightmare. Woke me up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3972", 
            "head": "12/10/00", 
            "content": "I am in a spacious kitchen. The appliances are fancy like you'd find in a wealthy person's mansion. I am looking at the garbage disposal, the label that tells you about the updates you will receive. I see bananas fresh and yellow in bins stacked very tidily. I am touched the kitchen staff has been keeping bananas there for me even though I can't eat them now on the Atkins diet. I see one that is blackening and decide to use the garbage disposal. I pull off the peel. The banana breaks in half. It is dry and old. I can't figure out how to use this fancy disposal. I now lie on the floor to figure it out. As I am there, a door opens and a series of disabled people with limps and braces and cp walk in. Everyone is dressed up for a party. They are in a party now, laughing and hugging each other. They are going to a room across the hall from the kitchen. I think about joining them. It would be nice to find a mate. Here's an opportunity. I see one young woman repeatedly intensely hugging a young man in a bright yellow suit jacket. I realize these are also mentally retarded people. She comes over by me. Now I am in my wheelchair. She grabs the handles of the chair and tips me back. I say, startled, Do not touch my chair again. Then I go off to the party room. I don't."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3973", 
            "head": "12/11/00", 
            "content": "Howard is there. He's trying to be helpful. I am surprised to see him again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3974", 
            "head": "12/11/00", 
            "content": "A Mexican General Reillo is a dictator. He is cruel and harms the people. I am camping out in the country there. I show a photo of how brown and arid the semi desert area of Central Mexico is. But I notice there are trees and a river where I'm camped. I even swim in the river, enjoying the cool wet swim. Now I'm in a hospital bed. I'm exhausted. I want to get up but seem unable to. I am so tired. Paulina comes in and I say, \"I can't seem to get up.\" she says. Why should you. You're still recovering. I feel better about it after she says that. Then they (my daughter) get me in a van (like VW). We are sitting parked next to a river. The windows are open and mosquitoes are coming in, lots of them. I ask them to close the windows. I smash some of the mosquitoes but there are lots of them. No one moves to shut the windows In annoyance I reach over and struggle to shut the windows."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3975", 
            "content": "(12/11/00)[\"Manna from heaven.\"] I am hungry. I see Bill Clinton's face in the sky. He is doing a spell to pull fish from something. I see a long line of fish coming out and falling to earth. They come near where I am. I wait eagerly for a fish to fall near me so I can eat it. As I watch, the fish turn into seals. One lands on a tall white church on a ledge, then 4 or 5. They will get away. If I don't hurry and catch them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3976", 
            "content": "(12/11/00)[\"Nude notes.\"] I am talking to a well developed teen. She and her friends are talking. She says in her nude modeling class they take nude notes at the teacher's request. I think she wants to shock me. She also says If I'd known boys obsess on big breasts, I'd have bought a different bikini. I then enter the conversation and say yes, boys really like big breasts. And I feel empathy for them in the nude notes situation because they are more vulnerable than the girls. What do you mean one teen asks. I say because they never know when they will have an erection. 2 teen boys are there. I wonder if it is appropriate for me to be talking about sexual stuff like this with these young teens."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3977", 
            "head": "12/11/00", 
            "content": "A dark haired young woman named blossem is a prisoner. A woman guard asks me do I need to guard her as she works in the fields? I apparently own a ranch and she is the prison labor. The guard doesn't want to guard her. It takes all of her time. I think about it, going along with the guard's idea. But then I see a paper where in it, it says Be sure and guard blossem. I hesitate and then say, \"Yes, you need to guard her. She escapes every chance she gets. In my mind's eye, I see her already escaping from the fields."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3978", 
            "head": "12/12/00", 
            "content": "A woman friend has an odd relationship with an old lawyer. He's feisty, rich and selfish. I help him walk into the house. I meet Robert Downey Jr. We are instantly attracted. He has 2 children, a boy and a girl. They don't like me. I win them over. Downey and I marry. We are a loving and wonderful family. Then I become ill or must leave. It is very sad we reminisce about the days we first fell in love. Our love is deep. It's close to my time to die. They walk with me to the circle area. Downey disappears upstairs. His best friend follows a bit and hears him ordering various women to come be with him sexually. The friend is very upset. I am sad but I understand. He needs connection because his grief over my death is so big and painful. He will \"drown\" himself in these other women to try and let go of the pain over me not being there. I so want to stay but it is my time. As I wake, I hear what I thought was Charla yelling in her sleep \"Pill.\" Ellie didn't hear it. I feel very sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3979", 
            "head": "12/12/00", 
            "content": "I am marrying Ernie. I am surprised. He is seated in a chair. He says to me, come here and sit on my lap. I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. I gingerly sit, saying, I'm too fat. He says no, its OK. It feels fine. I say I don't want to hurt you. I weigh 148 lbs. His mother is near by. She says come here and we'll talk. She is welcoming me into the family. I notice Ginny isn't around and wonder where she is. I remember Ernie is still married to her and wonder if this is a bigamist situation. We marry. I realize this means we'll have a sexual relationship. I think about Howard. I wonder if it will be better with Ernie."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3980", 
            "head": "12/12/00", 
            "content": "I am married to Hector. He has second thoughts. I say its no problem. He feels upset he spent so much money on the rings and I'll end up with them. I look at the tiny diamonds. I say I'm fine with giving them back to you. I feel very helpful and kind. We are trying to call a company to come clean up a mess."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3981", 
            "content": "(12/13/00)[\"Tired and sleepy.\"] I am on a grassy gentle rolling hill meadow. There is a group of young women, one is Anita B. from high school. They are a group I join in with late. They all ready have their official pen given to group members. Mine looks different than theirs. There are at least 2 \"monk\" like teachers, male. I lie down on the grass. I feel so tired and sleepy. I can't seem to keep my eyes open. The monks encourage me to get up and join in activities with the women. I groggily get up. Anita B. hugs me and does this rocking hug that is like dancing. She moves us up the grassy slope to where the women already had their school desks, hidden under the surface of the grass. They dig down to reveal the \"pigeon hole\" desks. I see their pens are wrapped in pink tissue paper, mine is in white. I ask why wrapped in pink. Anita says because that indicates things that glow."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3982", 
            "head": "12/13/00", 
            "content": "I am in an older woman's house. I am hungry. I eat a huge piece of chocolate cake with white frothy icing. I wish I was home. I don't like it here. I eat a few M and M's, noticing how quickly they melt in my mouth. I wonder if the sugar will affect my heartbeat but I'm not too worried about it. A small group of people come in and I want to share with them the video tapes of this years performances at the celebration. (Like E City Celebration) They become bored and I say well, then shall we look at the 1st one, 3 years ago? (I remember I'd done some performing in my sexy pink dress and want to show that.) They agree. I ask a man in the group to run the remote control. I say each segment is repeated so be sure and fast forward those parts."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3983", 
            "head": "12/16/00", 
            "content": "Charla and I are in a play together. It's the life story of an important inventor. I roll on stage. 2 males are there. Charla comes in after me. I'd forgotten my lines and try to go back stage and get a script. I find one and rush back. I begin the narrative story of his life. I can't read the script so I struggle to remember the chronological order of events. I point to a picture of a sail boat and I say that's one of my favorite toys. But I did not like the power boat. Then I leave the stage to fly a short circle. Charla follows me. I get in a round thing and it goes up and around and down. I nearly crash it. I rush back to the stage. I comment there were many ways I could have crashed! Charla is rushing to catch up. I go on stage, wishing I'd waited for a moment for Charla to get into proper position. It would have been better for her if I'd waited. I felt selfish and unthoughtful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3984", 
            "head": "12/16/00", 
            "content": "I am teaching the 3rd grade. I am in front of the class, setting up the blackboard and the audio visual aids and the wall decorations. I wrote the word \"spelling\" on the blackboard. One smart alec boy says she probably can't spell it. I write the word juxtaposition, thinking it would be a tough one for the smarty boy to manage. I set up the Halloween decorations on the windows. A clump of hay with tape across it to look like a hay stack with a fence. I seem to have started late. I am trying to get caught up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3985", 
            "content": "(12/16/00)[\"Saving Al Gore.\"] 3 FBI agents grab me in a car. They are trying to kill Al Gore. I am smashing their heads together and smashing them against the windows to knock them out. I am seated in the front seat just to the right of the agent driving. I smash him unconscious against the drivers side window. I am driving, trying to make it back to E City to tell the police. I threaten to drive us into a crash if they persist in pulling on me. I am driving very fast. I finally knock out the driver and the one in the backseat behind the driver but the one in the backseat to the right keeps regaining consciousness and grabbing at me. I pull his hair, hit his face and smash him around. I miss the exit and get lost. Finally I am driving on a dirt muddy road in the woods. Then I find the police. I get out yelling these agents were trying to kill the VP. An ambulance stretcher comes to take the VP away. I have saved him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3986", 
            "head": "12/17/00", 
            "content": "I am teaching a class. I am hurrying because I'm late. I enter the room to find the substitute teacher all ready there. I wonder why I hadn't called in. I take over. The students are seated in a crowded \"jury box\" style of seating. As I walk around the outside edge lecturing. I realize I need to be closer to them, to connect, to be a better teacher. I lean in and put my arm around the shoulders of students and talk directly toward them. They like that better. Now I am on stage teaching a larger group I am teaching them how to be good farmers. I look at the back of the audience and see my mentor Katherine Hepburn. I am pleased and honored she is there. I walk back to her and greet her. Then I return to the stage. I call on a student to come up there. I ask him questions. I say, can you tell me when it's a good time to harvest the green beans? He takes this as a cue as to what he's supposed to do and starts picking green beans growing on a fence on stage. He says stupidly, well, when they look big and there's a lot of them, then you pick them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3987", 
            "head": "12/18/00", 
            "content": "I am in an apartment. A neighbor man comes over and starts to hit on me. He keeps trying to kiss me. I keep trying to evade his advances."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3988", 
            "head": "12/18/00", 
            "content": "I am working with a sensitive male actor. I am rolling his hair into curls on small rollers. People keep making remarks about him being gay. He keeps saying he is NOT gay. I make the comment I am tired of people assuming man is gay because he is effeminate or emotionally sensitive. I feel very tender toward him and protective. I try to finish rolling his hair. He doesn't want to do this any more. I coax him into it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3989", 
            "head": "12/18/00", 
            "content": "I am in a large ship. I see a TV and wonder who's it is. I figure out it is Ellie's. Lots of my things are on this ship. Charla is there, as a baby. Ginny is there. Suddenly there is a loud explosion. The ship is blown into a billion pieces. I am now swimming in the water. I am desperately looking for something floating piece I can cling to. At first, I don't see any. Then I find a small white square of something. Now I am frantically searching for Charla and Ginny. I feel sad they are probably dead. I notice lots of my things on the bottom of the water. Before it was dark and deep but now it is shallow. I could probably stand up. I am near the shore. (like a lake.) I see wooden buildings of a camp near by. I get back to my home. I am very relieved to find Charla and Ginny there. Charla is about 9 months to a year old, all in white a sweet baby bonnet on her head. She is plump and chubby cheeked. I go to her and pick her up. Hugging her, I mention she has a Doctor's appointment. Ginny and maybe Ellie as a child start to walk down the street. They will meet us at Dr. Smythe's office. Bonnie and I follow. I'm carrying Charla. Bonnie becomes distressed. She thought we'd be riding in the van. She stops and complains its too far to walk. I say here's the key. You go back and get the van and meet me there. She agrees. Now I am carrying a small kitten, playful and sweet. I walk. The sidewalk becomes blocks of wood and I come to a wall. I hop down off the sidewalk onto the dirt street and walk. Now I am at the camp that I saw from the water. Three paths branch out from the one I'm on. One curves around the left back to the camp. One curves to the right. One goes straight. I walk it up the hill. It is steep. Then at the top, I get confused. I see to my right and down a small town. Maybe that is Dr. Smythe's office there. I see some people and ask them. They think I have to continue on, her office is at \"Vine Maple Leaf\" town. I don't know which way to go. I am standing on the edge of the hill and have to step back as my feet are sliding on the dirt like I'm going to fall off. I decide to go down to the small town and check there. The kitten is trying to leap out of my arms."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3990", 
            "content": "(12/19/00)[\"Engulfing waves.\"] I and 2 other people are standing watching huge \"60 foot\" waves crashing up over the top of a huge mountain peak. It is awesome in size and power. I am afraid I won't survive it. We decide our survival depends on enduring under the wave. We stand with some kind of air bubble plastic over us. We are surrounded by the pounding waters, engulfed. We hold our breath, waiting for the wave to pass and recede. We barely make it. The other woman keeps talking nervously as a wave hits. I am concerned she will use all the air. After a very large one, I say wow. I'll bet that was a 30 foot wave. A woman like our neighbor says with scorn, I measured it. It was only 28 foot. You didn't have your facts. I glare at her angrily. I felt put down. I mumbled I got pretty close on my guess. I turn and go inside a cave. Like deserting them. Then I turn and join them again for the next huge wave. After I survived that one, I decide to go out away from the mountain it might be safer. As I stand on the flat plains, a wave of high water surges at us only waist high. But as I watch, the wave over the mountain had picked up huge round boulders (black). They are rushing toward us. I turn and run for my life. Someone yells get behind something. I find a rocky outcrop and crouch behind it. The boulders that would have killed me crush and break up on my shield. I decide its safer right under the mountain. I return to there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3991", 
            "content": "(12/19/00)[\"Making the house accessible.\"] I am moving into a very large house. I am very tired and sleeping on a couch in a living room. I am waiting for a couple of people who are going to help me move in and make he house accessible. I hear the people who just arrived. One is a man like Gary in a manual chair. I get up and walk around. I see the other man brought some children and cats and dogs. 4 or 5 cats are walking along the shallow edge of the swimming pool. Bootsie throws herself in. I call out a warning. Be careful. You'll get wet! She swims frantically to get out. Then a large furry golden colored dog dives in and swims across. The dog gets out and begins to shake herself all over. I groan. Oh, no. What a mess. Gary comes over. I hurriedly try to remember where I left my power chair. I feel it might embarrass Gary if I'm walking. I find it and follow him out to a porch and a flight of stairs. He's out of his chair sitting on the top step. I sit next to him. A tree is growing right out of the stairs. I sit right in front of the tree. A girl is pushing at the tree for fun. But the tree seems unstable and could fall over. I ask her to stop. Gary is telling me he can fix the annoying problem of the drapes which are so full. They get caught up in my wheels. I am very glad he can fix this accessibility problem."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3992", 
            "head": "12/20/00", 
            "content": "I live in an apartment with a nice man, like Alan A. There are a few other young Chicano roommates that I don't like. They leave for awhile. A woman, like Lucille Ball comes in. I told they'd gone for awhile. She rushes in to steal anything of value from them. I go in to help her because I don't like them. As I help her carry stuff out, Alan wakes up and I feel guilty and embarrassed. I tell Lucille I don't like this and I start putting their things back in their room and telling Lucille it is wrong to steal. She is furious with me and threatens to get her gangster friends to come beat me up. Now that Alan is awake, I feel strong and righteous. I tell her to pack up and leave and help her pick up her many colored pens. Boxes of them. I also see lots of LP album records that belong to the Chicano roommates. I sort of pile them up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3993", 
            "content": "(12/22/00)[\"The sweet kiss.\"] I am with a muscular good looking kind man. We are attracted to each other. We are talking, getting acquainted. It is soft and gentle. I am talking and turning my head back to look at him. We are lying comfortably on the ground. He moves in suddenly to kiss me. He sort of half misses, getting mostly my upper lip. I am surprised but respond warmly. We smile shyly. Now we are walking along together. I hold his muscular arm. I like being close to him. We make soft contact often."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3994", 
            "content": "(12/22/00)[\"Greek school.\"] I am in a group of people in an open courtyard thing. We are learning different things. At one point I observe a policeman presenting a delicious all white cake with lots of sweet frosting to a young woman having a B'day. But I see the cop take the biggest and best piece out of the center and eat it. This is unfair, but the woman does not protest. I eat a small remaining piece. It is very sweet and soft and delicious. Now I see a large gargoyle statue climbing up an outside wall of this Greek like building. Some large being at the top kicks at some rubble and it all tumbles down on the gargoyle. Now a group of people are discussing issues. I watch one man in particular in the group. He watches me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. We are attracted to each other. I listen carefully. Then someone from the group asks me a question. I am surprised because I'm not a member of the group. But I answer. The man wears a Greek fisherman's hat and moves closer. We are sexually attracted. Apparently at the end of this festive occasion there is a conga line dance and everything is sexual. He has a dildo massage unit and suggests we take turns with different ends on it to best pleasure each other. I'm looking forward to it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3995", 
            "head": "12/24/00", 
            "content": "I am teaching a class in an old high school. The room is very large with high ceilings. There are many students. I am teaching English or Language Arts. As I am lecturing, students talk among themselves. I get up and walk around. I am annoyed and raise my voice. I continue lecturing. They escalate their voices and move around in groups, deliberately trying to be disrespectful and belligerent. I raise my voice. I tell them they must sit down now. They ignore me. Now we are full blown involved in a power struggle. I am very angry. I threaten them. I demand. I continue to talk. They are more disrespectful. Finally I stop talking and write on the board they will all be suspended. Go to the principal. They are already (some of them) out in the hall. I tell them they must write a 2000 word essay on civil disobedience due on January 2nd. They will flunk if it isn't handed in. They are now converging on me. I am out of control. Holding in my anger just barely. I wake up, still feeling angry. I can't let go of the feelings."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3996", 
            "head": "12/25/00", 
            "content": "I am in an open field or a university campus. Lots of students are there. A woman teacher is talking to the group. I am suddenly concerned I had forgotten to study for a mathematics class and maybe a science class. I feel a bit of panic. Then I relax and think oh, well, it's my last term. I'm not going to worry about it. If I flunk those classes, then I flunk. I see a plate full of hamburger gravel and corn. It is my left over mess. I start to put some water in it to scrub off the mess. Right in the middle of the field as the teacher talks to the students. Then a man talks. He is sharing how he came back to school after some time being out of school. He confesses he's in trouble. He didn't study, he partied and now he's on drugs and flunking. He tells his story. I and others feel great empathy for him as he slowly walks sadly away. I am now sweeping up a gravelly mess off the field like I'd been doing on the plate. A student runs after the man. I am relieved someone will try and help him. The woman teacher stands there staring at him. A Tom Hanks kind of counselor goes to him. Good. He will get some help."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3997", 
            "head": "12/25/00", 
            "content": "I am watching a young man like Matthew Broderick trying to figure out how to push himself around in a manual wheelchair. It is a very wide one for a fat person. It's so wide he's like a little boy in it, all squished down and stretching out his arms but he can't get the wheels to turn. So he tries sticking his leg out one side and his other leg out the other side so he can use his foot to push. That doesn't work either. As he struggles, I want to tell him the chair is too wide for him. I feel shy because I like him so I don't speak. Now I use my manual chair. I get around fine. He watches. I am rolling through a series of railroad cars with lots of strips of wood lying on the floor. It gets difficult so I say to him your chair is too wide. He gets defensive. I go out of the car into a tourist trap shop. I see examples of graphics that are \"master shots\" for film. I notice how all the elements are blocked so everything shows well. A narrator says kids these days don't know how to draw these and so can't compete to do films. I go into another room. A sort of display museum about this painted lady of the old days. She is a prostitute. I see a picture of 2 of them riding horses in their petticoats through a gang of men. It's a play. Now we are encouraged to pay some money to see the end of the play. A young man is on trial. I say to my male friend I don't know if I want to go see it or not. They've got my curiosity up, but I'm afraid they won't really tell us the end of the story honestly. I decide to go in, I am disappointed as I see the prostitutes preparing to throw 40 very hungry crabs into a swim pool throwing food to one which pounces on the live food and rips it apart in a feeding frenzy. She says she and the other women are going to dive in with these vicious crabs. I want to leave. What a rip off."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3998", 
            "head": "12/26/00", 
            "content": "I am standing in a small group of 4 people. I am explaining why a young man is having problems. It's because his mom has cancer. As I am breathing, I'd hear a snoring pig snort sound. I am embarrassed and try to clear my nose so it will stop. I keep apologizing. I am going to go home early. I look for my boot slippers to put on so I can walk home."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "3999", 
            "head": "12/26/00", 
            "content": "I am given a yellow pill to swallow and it gets stuck in my throat. I can't get it to go up or down. I ask he woman doctor for a glass of water. She sits quietly, refusing to give me the water. She thinks I'm being hysterical and not trying hard enough. I am angry at her and ask again. Again, she says no. While a part of me agrees I don't try hard enough sometimes, I am aware I've done all I can here. I demand an official complaint sheet. She hands me a book of them. They are different colored squares. Each one has a specific name on it. The first one is Anastasia. I can't find the one for the Doctor."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4000", 
            "head": "12/27/00", 
            "content": "I am standing on a square metal box, a large one. Six foot tall maybe. My volunteer job is to help a retarded young man in some activities. I am having trouble getting down off the box. Someone is telling me to hurry. I tell them I can't hurry. I need to be safe. The young man can wait. He does wait. I finally get down and go to him. He is very happy to see me. I devise a game. I put different sized balls down on the floor in a long hall. He laughs with joy. Now time is up. So I say Let's go pick up the balls now. I find 2 flat boxes to put them in. He comes with me and occasionally picks up a ball but I do most of the work. Lots of puzzle pieces too. I remind myself not to use so many small pieces next time. I am aware of how long this is taking. But it is important to complete the task."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4001", 
            "content": "(12/28/00)[\"Mad at Howard's spirit.\"] I am a spirit with many other spirits all hanging out waiting in some large attic room. I see a chimney space where some spirits are being lifted up to a lighter higher level. Howard's spirit is near me. I become very angry at his spirit. He'd some how tricked me so I won't go up to a higher lighter level yet because I didn't let go of my anger at him. An older man spirit is talking up at his wife's spirit. She'd already migrated to the higher place and the man wants to join her. He gets frustrated. His anger makes her start to move away and up. He begs her to stay. He couldn't bear it if she left him alone. She is gentle and stays, waiting for him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4002", 
            "head": "12/28/00", 
            "content": "Lucy and I are going to be working together and we each write up our schedule. Different instruments will be learned. Room in the morning to go out for a yummy breakfast. Then hard to work. I enjoy looking forward to the work. It is creative. Then it's time for me to sing a song. Jennifer H. gets up to do the accompaniment. I tell her no, I have a new song. A solo. I wrote it. She is upset with me. I stand in front of the people at this cafe. I belt out this beautiful and sweet song. They love it. I'm a hit. Now I'm in a car. We are traveling. My brother Dwight is somewhere. Maybe we are traveling to see him. It's a city street and then a dirt track. Twice we see burnt wood (logs) across the road. What is it with people burning up spare wood. We seem to be near S City."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4003", 
            "head": "12/28/00", 
            "content": "I am preparing for a competitive run. My daughter Dovre joins me in practices to help encourage me. I work hard at practice and by the time the competition starts, I am strong and fast. I successfully win!"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4004", 
            "head": "12/29/00", 
            "content": "I am watching as a mass murderer sits in a room. A woman is very curious and sits next to him. She asks him questions, like tell me about your gruesomest murder. He says OK, but you have to make an oval shape in front of you as I talk. She does that like she has a \"mouse\" made of soapstone and she traces an oval shape over and over. As she does that another woman comes in and sits and watches. Now I am doing the shape as yet another woman comes in. The perspective of the dream ego change in a circle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4005", 
            "content": "(12/30/00)[\"Darryl manipulates.\"] Darryl and I are sitting in a car seat or a bench. We are young. He is kissing me. I am very excited and attracted. I am thrilled he's attracted to me. I want this relationship a lot. It is sweet torture. Then I am living in a 2 room tree house. My rooms are in the large roomy trunk of the tree,. We just got married. I have dinner ready and I am happily waiting fore him to get home He arrives and then hangs out with some male friends down in the basement. I finally go find him to see why he hasn't come to me. He's laughing at me and I see lots of boxes of rifles and guns. He has no interest in me, never has. He was manipulating me to see if he lure me into doing what he wanted. I am hurt and shocked. I rerun the kissing scene and see how cold and calculating he was. I am heart sick. Now I and one of my daughters are at a beach. We are wading in the ocean. I am concerned about the rip tide getting us. We struggle back out of the water. Now a murder mystery is happening. Beautiful women, Vegas show girl types die one by one. A man is thrown a dynamite stick and he grabs it and tries to run out the door with it to protect the others. He's not fast enough and it blows him to bits. Now all the employees travel in a group as self protection. They are trying to figure out who is killing them. I suspect it is the policeman. One by one, we die."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4006", 
            "content": "(12/30/00)[\"Fixing the klieg light.\"] I am a crew member of a production. I see a huge bright colored klieg light has fallen down from the top center stage. It is oddly shaped like a set of airplane wings like you'd wear on a pin. Bright red and yellow colors. I ask the boss if he needs this light. He says yes. I turn it on and it is blindingly bright. Very powerful. I turn it off and call for a very very tall ladder. I climb carefully up. I am a bit scared of the height and cling tightly to anything I can to keep secure. I see a tiny nail where the light had been. No wonder it fell. I now tack it up with large brackets. It is there very solid. I turn it on and the light is again blinding. I ask the director in the control booth if he can control it. He grins and says yes. Then he asks me to come up there. I climb down the ladder and walk up the stairs to the lighting control booth. I go in. It is clear the director is interested in teaching me how to direct and use the lighting booth. I am pleased."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4007", 
            "content": "(12/31/00)[\"Domhoff conference.\"] I have traveled to California to spend a few days with Bill Domhoff and the graduate students again as they work on my dreams. We are standing on a sidewall outside the University buildings. Bill says on Tuesday we will camp out in a tent here. I find this unusual and strange but just say oh, OK. I wonder if the storm water grate at the corner will work for a toilet. Bill goes off to do something. Melissa, a grad student, stays with me to visit. I ask if we have any scheduled events that first evening. She doesn't know. Now a man gives me a ride. We talk as we travel through the huge cities streets. I get out and he goes on. I see what I thought was a bus stop. I cross the street to discover it's a street light. I now realize I'm stranded in the outskirts of a large city with no bus to get back. I'm in my power chair. I go to a gas station to ask if there's any buses down the road. The man is very busy. I get out of my power chair and get into a car in the backseat. Other people are in the car. It's being repaired. First the car is tilted up to the left and I roll over toward this man in the backseat. Then we are tilted to the right. It's like a carnival ride. Now I'm the only person in the car and it tips up on it more and twirls very fast. Now the ride is over and I get out. I hope my chair is parked safely out of the way of the car. Melissa is one of the people there. I tell her my predicament. She is concerned for me. I suggest that after her car is repaired we could put my chair in her trunk and I'd ride with her. She hesitates and then agrees but I know she's worried. She mentions a concern about her paint job being scratched up. I say to her directly I know you don't want to do this so I'll find another way. She is relieved but I am stuck. I say I'll have to hire a handicab and that will cost lots of money. Over $100. She is sorry for me but not helpful. I ask the man owner if I can use his telephone. He agrees. Then I burst into nervous tears. Melissa asks what's wrong? I say Oh, I'm just upset and hungry. I'll miss my dinner, The man says there's a restaurant near by. Melissa tells me it will be an hour before the handicab shows up. So we start walking to find the restaurant, me in my chair. I see through large glass windows a group of five male employees at another repair bay that are fighting. One of them sees me and thinks I am a customer. He is very anxious to explain why they are fighting and he tries very hard to stop the fighting. I wave my hands to indicate I'm not a customer. I am now sitting with Melissa on the street edge waiting for the handicab. I complain bitterly about how much it will cost and how in E City we have accessible buses everywhere. I wished I'd not ridden with that man."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4008", 
            "head": "12/31/00", 
            "content": "I rescue two weird bags that are connected somehow to important TV comedian energy. I ask them if they are willing to come with me. I don't want regular people to know I have them with me. I ask them to be quiet and not attract attention. After I plead with them about how important this is, they agree. I sneak them down raked bleacher seating. We get on an open elevator platform. Some boxes of their things are with us. I push the elevator button. I keep the glass door open so no one can stop the elevator and blow our cover. A white polar bear says It's a good thing you did that. I'm not fond of comedians. We go to a floor, overshoot it and stop. We are looking for Apt. #15. They panic because we don't find it right there. I insist we go down the hall and look. I find an open door and look in. A woman with her children says what? I say is this #15? She says no, but I'm thinking of moving soon. You can have this one. I say may we come in and look? She says OK. One room with a narrow hospital bed in the middle but the back room is huge. Real narrow doors. Too narrow for a wheelchair. A square area for the bathroom with all this space around it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4009", 
            "content": "(01/01/01)[\"Rowdy kids.\"] I am in my office, somewhere. I am organizing my papers. Sharon my helper took off. I am expecting her to be back at 4:30PM. There are three rowdy kids. A small toddler, a 9 year old boy and a young teen girl. I am frustrated as I can't keep them quiet. I get a phone call from a woman client. I can't understand her over the noisy talking and screaming of the kids. I force them out in the hall, but now they are bugging my co-workers. I apologize to my client and suggest she wait and call back. I realize this isn't good for the client who is having a crisis now. I feel guilty for not helping her right then. I am angry at Sharon as I realize she isn't showing up. In fact, I'm thinking I'm supposed to take the kids to her. The energy of the boy is somehow transferred to the teen. She sits on my lap and tries to manipulate my mind. She wants me to think of sex. I firmly fight it off. I have work to do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4010", 
            "content": "(01/02/01)[\"Gaston dies.\"] I am watching TV. I see a news story about Gaston. It's an interview. I see the lovely modern non cluttered look of the inside of his house. He is doing some silly trick of standing up on some logs near a fireplace and balancing. I am shocked to hear that he had just died. I feel sad. I also wonder if he left a will. Who will get his stuff? I'd like to get some of it, but I can't imagine he would have left any of it to me. I feel guilty for thinking so materially and selfishly. Now I am remembering a meeting he and I had before he died. We are meeting at a cottage off a country lane. He is very sweet and friendly. I am trying to remember if he gave any clues that he was going to die."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4011", 
            "content": "(01/02/01)[\"Moving.\"] I am in a garage of a house I live in. It is time to start packing for the move. I start looking at piles of papers on a long counter along the side wall. I find notes from several women who had attended a woman's group at my house. I feel good I can throw some things away. A black man apparently my \"husband\" comes home from some fun male event. He seems friendly and helpful. I feel relieved he's in a good mood."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4012", 
            "content": "(01/02/01)[\"Moving to Alaska.\"] I moved to Alaska where I am staying with a woman and her husband. She works as a teacher in an elementary school. I go with her to try for a job there myself. We drive through the snow and mud for 10 miles. I am driving a van. A white one. It sure looks like we could get stuck. I'm nervous and careful. We slide through. I remember to keep the gas going fast so we don't bog down and get stuck. It's a curvy road. Then we stop and the woman takes off her high heels (She's wearing a light grey business suit). She walks barefoot in the snow. I wonder how she can stand it. We get into the school through a series of back porch doors. A male teacher is behind me and trying to help open the doors for me, but I hurry ahead and get them myself. I see the woman teacher who will interview me and I shake her hand, being friendly. Trying to impress her. I'll know I'll get the job. She asks which grades I'd prefer to teach. I answer 3rd or 5th. I like the older grades. She complains the big office won't really pay attention to her. I sympathize with her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4013", 
            "content": "(01/02/01)[\"Weird interview.\"] I am at a workshop for some social service agency. A man named \"Bob\" comes in and talks about his sort of public radio/TV/Internet agency. After the workshop I go over to a small room to do an interview for a job with his agency. He is friendly and talkative. He busies himself dusting the vent door near the ceiling where the computer stuff is stored. It is very dusty. I sympathize. He hands me a curved and long test paper to do. It is very wordy and doesn't ask the straight forward questions I expect. It is confusing and frustrating to fill out. I skip a few questions and have come back to do them. I struggle with my address. SE 40th or is it NW. I try to look it up on my driver's license and other cards. It's all wrong on them too. Then Bob comes back in and interrupts me. He has a rectangular cream colored purse. He thinks it's mine and I left it in another room. I tell him its not mine. I have my small black one (like Ginny's) with me. I am distracted with his conversation. He asks very non essential non related questions. How did I hear of this job opening? What shows do I watch on Fox channel? A disabled show, some news and an occasional movie. I unsnap the question section off its curved answer track. A device that is black and cumbersome. I keep trying to smooth out the curves so I can read the questions and answer them. I realize this is a very right brain work group and I am very left brain. I feel frustrated and aware I'd have to adjust to understanding what they are doing and do it their way."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4014", 
            "content": "(01/17/01)[\"Killer worms.\"] I am in a house. A young native American man and several white men come to the house with the intent to enter and be there. I am unsure if they mean me harm. He comes in and wants my company. So does the white man. It seems friendly enough. One gives me a loose cotton dress to wear so I will be more comfortable and more accessible to touch when we lie down on a couch together. It isn't particularly sexual in feeling. I look out a window to see if I have possible escape if I need it. I see a huge ice covered river on both sides of the house, the side and the back, practically right up to the door. It would be dangerous to go that way. Now there are frightening and dangerous animals in the house like swimming moles or something. They are coming toward us. We hit at them and run outside and dive into the river which is no longer snow and ice bound. We are in a small rowboat. These huge long tube worms come at us trying to eat us. We hit at them. It is ineffective. We are in serious danger. One comes right at the boat. And smashes us. We dive into the water to escape it's deadly mouth. Other huge ones slither by wearing a plastic raincoat kind of covering. I grasp at a stick that has a nail at the end and strike the head of the closest worm. It is hurt and retreats. I find a plastic knife and hand it to the man. It is no help. I then find a small paring knife and he uses that. We stab at them as they attack and swim quickly as we can for shore. We manage to escape alive and unhurt."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4015", 
            "content": "(01/18/01)[\"Lunch bus.\"] I am downtown in a city. With a woman friend. We get into a restaurant and sit down. We are eating our food , when a man sits at our table. We are conversing and he tries to join in. My friend moves the dishes to create a barrier line between us but the guy doesn't get the hint. Suddenly, we see we are on a lunch bus and it is beginning to move on it's route. We are startled. \"Maybe we should get off\" she says. I say get the name of the street. I hope we can find the van. We sit there in indecision. I try and see street corner signs."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4016", 
            "content": "(01/18/01)[\"Subaru breakfast.\"] I am in a house with Charla and Ellie. We are up early to cook a special breakfast to take to the J City school so we can enjoy it there. A special breakfast day at the school. I am frantically cooking. Cheese and meet tacos, omelets and some pastry treat. I also have a glass pot of very hot boiling water going. I see papers on the stove and try to move them from the burners. I push red buttons to see which burners can be turned down or off. The water is nearly over boiling. Finally we get the breakfast cooked and we rush outside with it, after choosing pretty glass plates to put it on so they will look delicious too. My \"father's\" new Subaru green van is out there and I decide to drive it, we get in and protect the drinks with a box so they won't spill on the way. I can't find the key. My \"father\" isn't home. I rush back in and ask Ellie where the key is. She finds it and we go back out. I have trouble opening the special double doors. I see two steering wheels, one a small one on the top right of the other regular one. I figure out how to turn it one and where the gas and brake pedals are. We lurch out the driveway. We are in a farm area. Suddenly I see there is no access to the highway., so I turn left toward E City on a dirt access road parallel to the highway, looking for some flat area I can get to the highway from. I see a woman has build a planked structure that might work but it looks flimsy. I ask her if she thinks it will hold our weight. She says sure. I gun across it and turn to get on the highway and see I'm blocked by parked cars. I keep driving until I finally find a way to the highway. Now I am speeding along, enjoying the power of this new vehicle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4017", 
            "content": "(01/19/01)[\"Athletic lovers.\"] I am a high school girl on the basketball team. A high school boy is the best male basketball player and we are pretty equal in prowess. We enjoy the competition of playing well together on the team. There is also a love attraction. I play forward, and seem to be more in a volleyball stance at the non net area. We play hard and enjoy the speed and power. Then he insists I play catcher in a baseball game, another game he is good at. I put on the protective front chest protector and a mitt. I don't know this game as well. He helps me put on the protective gear. We are playing the game in the high school hall and we are at a t corner of two halls. I have to catch and pass a fast ball and hit a small child in the head. I feel terrible. I race over away from her so my next throw won't hurt her. I have to decide which way down the perpendicular hall I must throw. I feel inept in this game and resent the fact that he insists I do this, changing the enjoyment of our teamwork in the basketball game. Now a cheerleader girl comes over and flirts with him and he upset with me, asks her to the dance. I am very hurt. Sad. I accept a date with another jock, but it is the first man I love. Finally he comes to me and touches a deep bone bruise he had created by accidentally hitting me with the baseball in the game. He is remorseful and tenderly realizes he has hurt me. He asks my forgiveness and kisses me gently. We are back together again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4018", 
            "content": "(01/19/01)[\"Bill Clinton and energy power grid problems.\"] I am on a sidewalk in a downtown city. I have a wonderful big black keyboard box with many complicated buttons. I have no idea how to play it but experiment and make some beginning strides toward simple melodies. I am teaching myself how to be more proficient on it. Somehow this box has something to do with electrical power in the city as well. I must drive down a highway to get to the ocean's edge and fix the power grid problem. I am picked up by Bill Clinton in a black car. He is on the same mission. We somehow get past a narrow gate across the road and reach land's end. A restaurant is there, we go in and see they are remodeling so that they will grow the fish in pools there outside the restaurant for the people to eat. I also see a large group of Asian workers in their slickers working the ocean and moving in lines as a group toward shore. Now Bill and I are back in the car backing up that curvy road back to the city. He decides he wants to make out and starts to lie on me. I grab his face and hold him back from a kiss and say. No way, guy. I don't care if you are powerful or could cause me problems, I don't want this. He is annoyed with me. I force my way out of the car to walk back to the city. I am a bit worried he will try and run me over."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4019", 
            "content": "(01/20/01)[\"Glowing coal and grumpy lady.\"] I am running trying to return to a house. I can't remember where it is. I come to a street and start to turn left. I hesitate and then turn right. I think to myself. I hope this is the right way. I hold a gold glowing coal in a spoon. I find the house and go in expecting the grumpy old lady that lives there to say No burny, no burny. Someone says she died."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4020", 
            "content": "(01/20/01)[\"Egor the donkey.\"] I am in a room with other actors. It has been decided that I won't be in the play, but the director asks me to read for a part anyway. I am to read the part of Egor the Donkey. I try to read the script but the print is very small and the pictures, like yellow beaked Tuku birds are hard to see. I struggle trying to get the character. Then I say wait. I need my glasses. I put them on and continually come up with creative little scenes that are amusing and cute. I am getting better at the work and wonder why he is featuring me if I'm not going to be in the play."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4021", 
            "content": "(01/21/01)[\"Weird roommates from the radio.\"] I am moving into a house. I enter and begin to look around at the rooms. Suddenly I find I have at least four male roomies that are military pilots. They had already moved in and have their things in drawers and so on. I try and talk to them to find out about how we are going to arrange things. They don't talk to me and ignore me. I am annoyed. Then one of them begins to talk about writing. I find the subject very interesting and begin to answer but he just continues talking, asking me questions and then not giving me a moment to answer. I get increasingly angry and annoyed. He talks about not lecturing and so on in the writing. Then he abruptly leaves, the rest of them going outside with him. I get up. I have a long outer coat on and look into a closet for a place to hang it. I try several times but it falls off the weird elaborate hanging devices. I decide a big hook on the door will work fine. I open the side door to the side yard to see where those roomies went. I see a white cat like creature with a human head. I see the roomies are in the house next door. They continue to ignore me. I decide to walk for a bit outside to help me get over my anger. I walk down the sidewalk past the house the roomies are in, right next door. I see the inside of the house is gutted and a terrible mess. I then see them and their friends in the side yard again. I walk over to them and try to talk to their women friends. They are uppity and silent. I return to the house. I decide to evict them. I go to each one as they wander around the house an invisible eviction letter. They reach out and take it. Finally they all leave and I start examining what rooms I have. I open one door and find an empty narrow small room with a door at the other end. I walk in and see dotted lines on one wall indicating woven drawers, very large ones in the wall. I pull one open and see it could be used as a youth bed. It has a blanket in it. I see there is one snort drawer and two big ones in a row. That's good. Then I see there is now a bathtub on that wall. Now I'm thinking these drawers could be great storage drawers for towels and so on. Much more space and storage than my own house (40th Ave). I then turn and see a wall mounted shower hand held device and am very happy to see this. There is no toilet or sink those are in the next room. I am pleased with this arrangement. A roll in accessible shower room with a tub for the others, such as guests. I then go to the bathroom which has the toilet and sink. This house is changing into a nice place to live."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4022", 
            "content": "(01/23/01)[\"Lots of sex.\"] There are two couples. I am in one of them. There is some vague colorful structure. I am having repeated sex with \"my man.\" It is good, and frequent. I go for him, he goes for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4023", 
            "content": "(01/23/01)[\"Quick marriages.\"] I am teaching in an elementary school. The principal is going to be married to a woman. I am going to be married to another man. But for no apparent reason, we decide we like each others man better and swap. We marry on the instant the last day of school. He and I are walking no from the school building to meet a cousin Viola. She comes up and I introduce my husband explaining the swap. She is very surprised. I also explain my daughter suddenly got married. There are at least three of us couples that just instantly married someone we hardly knew. My man gently supports me to a small platform with an organ on it. It is his organ. But as I play the key, I hear it is a piano and see another platform with an organ on it. That is the real one my husband owns. My cousin disapproves. I feel fine about it. Kind of new and interesting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4024", 
            "content": "(01/24/01)[\"Howard returns and it is pleasant.\"] I live in a house. I wake up to discover Howard is there. He has brought me many gifts. On a table are a selection of a dog's toy collection with mechanical cute toys. One has a metal bumble bee that buzzes around a house. I lie on the couch. I am confused because I can't remember where Howard had been or why he is here. I try to remember if he's been around and I didn't notice or he'd been on a long trip. I do know it has been years since I've seen him. I feel a twinge of guilt that he has been without sex all that time, from me. He lies down on the couch with me. It is gentle and pleasant. I feel a twinge of concern he will want to have sex, but he is friendly and cuddly. I look at his face and see he is more handsome and his hair is prettier than I remember him before. He gets up and brings me more gifts. Cute stuffed animals on a house, with the individual names of each of my daughters and me on each spangly stuffed animal. It is cute. I try and remember where his bedroom used to be. I finally remember it is up stairs, where I can't get to at the end of the hall. I don't know if I want him to stay or not, but I feel good about seeing him again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4025", 
            "content": "(01/24/01)[\"Uncle Lionel an actor.\"] I am in an auditorium where my Uncle Lionel, who I call Grandfather has joined some performance group that teaches about logging and sawing skills. He is showing off his work to me. His troupe all gather around me and are friendly. One man is attracted to me. I am now sitting in an overstuffed chair. The troupe is focusing their show toward me. One man is on my left with a saw devise on the left arm of the chair demonstrating it. Another man is behind me demonstrating something else. I see on the stage area my Uncle a part of an acrobatic piece where they saw in half huge logs of paper rolls and then tumble down into a trampoline safety net. Then more troupers come out, one woman like Bonnie (with stroke) playing the fiddle. Now two dogs come up to me, each carrying candy or a small toy in their mouths for me to have. One is a pink poodle and very clever, returning a small tootsie roll candy back to a small platform around its neck. Someone hands me a kitten. I cuddle it and say oh no. I can't accept another cat. You need to take it away quickly before I can't return it, because I will like it too much. The troupe says \"UH-OH\" like they made a mistake and take the kitty back. I'm already rethinking the decision. Now I am getting involved in the acting. They move an actor to another room and I follow him. The troupe joins us and I am given a small green animal mask to hold and I am to go back to the audience and say the name of this character. I hear Chris Dilloncake. They frown and repeat the name. I can't seem to understand the last name correctly. It ends up sounding like MobCake."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4026", 
            "head": "01/25/01", 
            "content": "A young teen woman and me (a young teen woman) are on the run from a policeman who is after us. He is ruthless and out to get us. I try and protect my friend but the policeman (plain clothes man) grabs her and drags her with him. He is interrogating her, threatening her, yelling at her. She yells out \"Officer Dunn\" a kind of officer at a lower level. He hears her and races up to where she is to help protect her. He races right up to the bad cop, in his face, yelling let her go. The bad cop shoves him aside. He had forced her and me to give samples of our blood. We each have our sample in vials in our hands. He demands hers. She tries to fight him off. She manages to throw her vial so he can't get it. She runs toward Officer Dunn. The bad cop comes after me, livid with hate and rage. I run into a small lab room and out again. I yell I threw it away. He sneers and goes into the lab room and picks up a vial. He says if you say you threw it away, then you didn't and this is it. He tips up his head and drinks it down fast. I scream No, No. It was some kind of acid poison. He convulses out of the chair onto the floor screaming in his horror and the pain. Oh, God, he screams. He is seated now cross legged in an upright fetal ball position. He says in pain I mustn't be so loud. I scream Oh God Oh God. As loud as I can. He dies quickly. I wake up hearing both our screams echoing loudly in my mind. Horror. Nightmare. I felt shocked."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4027", 
            "content": "(01/25/01)[\"Diving in the water.\"] A kind Doctor and I are in love. He is assisting me. I need to pour lots of water in wall corner hole and drains on the floor. I fill up buckets and pour and pour. Lots of people are doing this too. Paulina is around too. Struggling. Now I am diving over a barrier of other people into a small square pool of water. I am successfully doing more water immersion than anyone else."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4028", 
            "content": "(01/26/01)[\"Bombs.\"] A group of people oppose us. We try and talk with them. It doesn't work. I threaten to bomb them. They ignore me. I throw bombs at them and they scatter. The bombs are powerful and they capitulate. Now I am building communication with them so we can work together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4029", 
            "content": "(01/27/01)[\"Kalua.\"] I am late getting to school. Enter a classroom where a man and a woman Perry and ? are lying on the floor chatting. We have a small pass along verbal exercises. I take part in them. I am the last one and make a sentence about Perry and ?. Now I am looking for a bathroom. I need to pee. On my way through the rooms, I pick up a small half full/empty glass coffee with Kalua in it. I ask a woman's permission to serve it to a group of men in a meeting room. As they are talking, I realize it is the Repertoire Theatre talking about doing one act plays. I want to talk with them about doing my plays. I ask the first man permission to pour him a small amount. I say I do mean small. I don't have much and hope it will go all around. He barely nods. I say the city gave permission and this is a restaurant so it must be OK. I go to each one and barely have enough to go around. For the last two the thickness is nearly solid. I put too much on one saucer and need to cut it to even it out."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4030", 
            "content": "(01/27/01)[\"Reindeer ride.\"] I am at a large family gathering. Long tables in long rows. Many of them. Dinner is over and I walk between the tables collecting small souvenir glasses of various shapes. Small square, short round ones, stemmed small goblets. Dora is there. She had brought the glasses as little gifts. Maybe its Xmas. I decide I want to drive a small sled with one reindeer. They tuck me in under warm blankets and I start slowly, gain confidence. I go around the outside of the tables in a large square. By the 3rd corner I am going very fast and have improved my driving is now quite good. I feel good."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4031", 
            "content": "(01/28/01)[\"Lots of dreamwork to do.\"] I am staying for awhile at someone else's house and am trying to keep caught up on my dreamwork stuff and my dream program. It's time to go home and I am only half way through with my work. Gathering up my papers. I am concerned with how much work is left to do."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4032", 
            "content": "(01/29/01)[\"Beautiful dream pictures.\"] I am in a house. Family is visiting, like a reunion. Aunt Charlotte, Dwight and Jake and others. A Chinese family is there. A husband and wife, and their two children, a girl and a boy. I am talking to Dwight and Jake as we sit around a round table. Dwight faces me across the table and Jake sits on my right. We are talking about my mortgage. I tell them I hope to sell the houses in a few years and buy another one, build up rentals. It will be my retirement money, I say. The Chinese woman keeps coming over to show me toys and clothes she bought for her children. She unfolds a cardboard cutout of a dress for the girl. She will have time to grow into it as it is taller than she is. The boy pops by and shows me some face painting mask on his face. I like the colors and compliment him on the look, although it is half rubbed off and smudged now. The Chinese man now sits on my right where Jake was (the brothers are gone now) The children flit in and out showing me what the mother got them. I keep getting interrupted by their energy. They want to share and then pull away and don't want to share. They bring me some pictorial images of their dreams. At first, they look like paintings on newsprint paper with narrative written like on a scroll. I notice the girls clouds with the structure of the world globe map, countries outlined, is very similar to the father's picture. He says they did their dream pictures at the same time so I assume she is using his dream images. I tell the man I am a professional DreamWorker, being a counselor. He is hesitant to show me his dream, but after I say that, he is now eager to share. They are now like 3-d cutout boxes, like a pop up in a book or greeting card. With an additional pop up box added with a house and landscape. I compliment him on the beauty of his presentation of the dream. I say usually people put dreams in a narrative form. I have long been interested in creating a visual pictorial form of sharing the dream. I am excited with his 3-d cut out images."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4033", 
            "content": "(01/31/01)[\"Teaching assertiveness.\"] I am at a fast food restaurant. The man manager is having trouble giving direction and getting results from the waitresses. I step in and show him how to listen well to them and paraphrase and be assertive. I demonstrate to him how to do this with a woman waitress. She responds well to my communication. The man is standing very close to me, leaning into me. He seems to be attracted to me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4034", 
            "content": "(02/01/01)[\"Dreamwork group.\"] I am facilitating a large dreamwork group. Lots of people in a large room. I am milling around talking with people. One woman says she doesn't want me to critique her this time and I am relieved because I can't remember her or what I could say. She apparently expects me to know."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4035", 
            "content": "(02/01/01)[\"Speech contest.\"] I am with a few people in a room. Someone says we should give our speeches now. I am not prepared yet. I'd been making notes but I hadn't practiced it yet. I say ok and go to the front of the room and improvise as best I can. I am talking about four toys I hold in my hand. A thin green rubber figure, a squarish pink thing, and two others. As I give the speech, I realize this is merely a rehearsal and wish it were the real contest because I'm doing OK and don't want to have to do it again. I finish and then it is time for the contest in the other room. I go there and sit quickly down on a weird single bed with a rubbery covering. It bounces another speaker around suddenly. The judges (several women) have spiked hair do's. I remember I had just washed my hair and hurriedly brush it to get the tangles out. Now I am back in the other room looking for the judges grade on my speech. I look through a pile of papers seeing numbers and dates and letter grades. The pile goes from A'' to B'' to C''. I don'' see mine. I keep searching for it. I hope I at least got a B."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4036", 
            "content": "(02/01/01)[\"Kid's choir.\"] I am standing in the middle of the front row of a kid's choir. I am supposed to sing with them. I don't know why. A girl like Charla talks aloud to the director about the behavior of the girl who was to be singing at that moment. I feel embarrassment."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4037", 
            "head": "02/02/01", 
            "content": "I am walking from the street to my apartment through the yard. A man with thick dark hair in a business suit, good looking and then stands there waiting for me. I see it is \"Bill Domhoff.\" I greet him, I am pleasantly surprised to see him. He says I'm here in town to see the Red  Bridge opening ceremony. I say you are here in E City? He says yes. I say well, come on in. I see he is standing by a white budding rosebush which is near the wall of the building. He smiles and we begin to walk toward the door. I somehow get a large prickly sticker caught in my left big toe. It hurts. I say I can't reach it to pull it out. I hop down a weird staircase where the wood rails are sort of like gymnastic beams, in dark wood. One step is very long and deep so I must hang on to it with my arms around it and dangle as I go hand over hand down. I make it to the entry door and we go in. I see my father, a very old dottering man with a very serious deaf hearing problem. I ask him to help take the sticker out of my toe. Bill waves his hand in front of my father's face to see if he's alive. My father didn't hear or see us and mumbles and walks away. I ask Bill to help me. I feel embarrassed to ask him to touch my possibly stinky toes. With Bill is a tall good looking man named Dustin Hoffman only he looks like Clint Eastwood. He ends up looking like Clint. Starts out short and lots of dark hair. When I ask Bill to help me with my toe, I ask anyone in the room generally if they'll help. Too embarrassed to ask directly. I am trilled that Dustin is there and hope I can work the fact that I am a scriptwriter into the conversation. I am very hopeful I will be discovered by him and become rich and famous. I'm also glad Bill is there and ask him what he'd like to do while in E City. I'd be happy to show him around. Now Dustin Hoffman is a little upset. An important award he has is in some jeopardy of being broken. We go to another room. A man is pinned and caught on a rope up on the wall and the rope is attached to the award/art piece. A cello with climbing ivy like plants artistically growing up out of the top of the cello. If Dustin clips the rope the award will fall and be ruined. He is upset. I say, I can help you. I am confident and cheerful. I am still hopping a bit because the sticker is still in my toe. They are both worried that I will damage the cello art piece. I pull on the rope and up goes the cello and down comes the man with in my reach. It is now Bill. I must pull his head toward my shoulder to reach the pin holding him on the rope. We are chatting in a friendly manner. I am listing things I have. I mention negligee. He murmurs provocatively I'll bet you don't have them anymore (joking me about my long time without sex.) and I smile provocatively and murmur \"Oh yes, I do still have them.\" We smile at each other flirting. I get him unpinned and released. Now I must pull the original man down to me. He's an old silly professor that now looks like a cute chimp. I hold the chimp in my arms and unhook him from the rope. Dustin/Clint is very happy to have his award back unharmed. I try to read the small engraved plaque with it to see what he got the award for. I can't read it (small print), but I guess he did some humanitarian thing he's being thanked for."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4038", 
            "head": "02/03/01", 
            "content": "I've just moved into an apartment. A weird crazy man walks in. He grabs a male guest and ties him up and tortures him. I am in the kitchen. Bonnie and another woman are there. I feel fear. I feel guilty for not doing anything to help the man, but if we try and help him, we might get tortured. I try and clean up the kitchen, washing some dishes. Something catches fire on a burner. I try and put out the fire. I see a cell phone and try to find the emergency number to reach the police. I remember 911 and dial it. A woman receptionist answers from some company. I am very surprised. It isn't 911. I whisper so the crazy man won't hear me, although he comes into the kitchen and glares at me suspiciously. I try and tell her the address, I can't remember it because I just moved in. I think the street is Durban Court and the apartment number is 58. I feel very inadequate. I tell her about the man and ask her about the man and ask her to call for help for me. She says no. I am shocked. I hang up and go to the open doorway of the kitchen. I see the man has put objects like matches and pens between the eyeballs and the lower lids. The trapped man doesn't dare move. I feel badly for him. I go back into the kitchen and try to look up the number for 911. I can't find it. Suddenly I see the trapped man is released and in the kitchen behind the stove. He asks me what were we all doing while he was being tortured. I feel guilty and quickly explain I had been trying to call for help. Did he know the number for 911? Or the address? I can't remember the address. Someone knocks on the front door. The crazy man goes to the door and opens it. A man thinks this is his apartment. I take this moment while the crazy man is distracted and go out into the hall and look up above the door for the apartment number. 61. At least I know that now. I hope I hadn't moved into the wrong apartment. Then I see the crazy man is also out in the hall. I hesitate, afraid and then I go in and shut the door locking it. Two doors. The trapped man is worried. If we try and lock him out he'll get angry and want revenge. I am worried about that too but I do it anyway. I lean against the door. The lock seems weak. I think of moving a heavy bookcase up against the door. The crazy man returns and pounds on the door. The door is about to break. Then the crazy man oozes through under the door jam. He is now a \"small person.\" I grab him by the throat and try to strangle him while I hold him up. I go out to the hall and throw him in the elevator. I yell at him not to come back!"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4039", 
            "head": "02/03/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house. My brother Dwight is visiting. He brought my parents. They are old, sick and frail. I'm not feeling so strong myself. Dwight decides to leave. I realize he's leaving my parents there and I'll have to take care of them. I call after him. No. This isn't fair. I tell Dwight I have to work at my job. I can't be here all the time. He leaves. My mother needs to use the bathroom. My father decides to go downstairs to nap. I show my mother the upstairs bathroom. It is short like a vanity under the sink. I tell her it will be very uncomfortable for her. I open the vanity door. It is impossible for anyone to use that bathroom. I give up and am tired so I go downstairs leaving my mother alone, lying on a couch. I go down a long hall remembering my bedroom is at the end and to the left. It's been years since I've seen this bedroom. I see the bathroom door on the right. I go into my bedroom. (Old house, like recurring many roomed old houses in other dreams.) Charla comes in. I ask her to help me make my bed. She agrees. Then I see a worm on the folded bedspread (white) at the foot of the bed. I ask her to remove the worm because I don't want to touch it. She turns her back on me and says no. I get furious. I scream at her. Do you want to fight? I'll lose control, is that what you want? I am daring her to not be helpful so I can hit her and scream at her. She ignores me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4040", 
            "content": "(02/04/01)[\"Dreams.\"] I am at a person's house. We are having a meeting of the dream group, a group of women. We are going to decide on what structures we will agree on for when we do dreamwork. We convene and a medical doctor is here especially to help us work out our structure. I welcome him. Then I read from a typed list of suggestions made so far. A student from a University makes one suggestion. Howard has another. It is about things coming from the same part of the brain and you must focus on that area. I have a question about whether or not the title or the date should be written first. A long fancy letter from a group called Lovely(Thing? Thoughts? moments?) from Arizona is talking about what they do as a group. Now we are preparing for the potluck meeting. The room is small and square and up one half level. I put some kind of food on the table. Someone knocks on the door. I walk down to the large living room and across it to the door. I let in a women. I walk back toward the dream room. Another knock. This repeats a number of times as couples, well dressed and women come in with lots of food. I realize there will not be enough room for everyone in the small room, so I contemplate moving it into the living room. The owner of the house is somewhere in the kitchen. The phone rings. I say hello but the woman at the other end can't hear me. She is confused. Apparently she was trying to call The Emporium. I keep trying to speak to her. Later another woman asks me if the higher level rooms are accessible. I say no, they aren't. I am not real happy with all these couples. (I am reminded of the my discussion circle group.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4041", 
            "content": "(02/04/01)[\"Sharon's mother.\"] I am outside a house. Preparing for something. We'd been making decorations and signs and so on for some meeting. I need a little break from all the noise and people. I pace back and forth in the drive way. There is a pack of nuts. I want to eat them all. But I only eat some, so I don't mess with my diet. I realize Sharon's mother is coming to help with the preparations. For some reason, I don't want to meet with her, but I must. So I put the nuts down in the garage and walk out to the driveway to meet her. She is going to create a thing that will go on the roof of the house. It will incorporate a boy who created a special dance step."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4042", 
            "content": "(02/06/01)[\"Show me my capableness.\"] I seem to be in a coma and my male friend puts me in a car and says I'm going to show you the greatness you were. I am in pain but I know this will be worth it and helpful. He drives me to a place beside the road where another me is playing a sport. I am hitting a ball or doing something really well. In the past, I was really good at what I did."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4043", 
            "content": "(02/06/01)[\"The river rises.\"] I live in a tiny one room cabin on a high rocky bank of a river out in the expansive plains. Rocky and rough terrain like around M City. Fluffy is playing. I see her down in the now empty river bed. I go down there and stand in the dry river bed. Fluffy is sunning herself and playing. I look up river to the bend. I see white water coming around the corner. I vaguely remember hearing they were temporarily stopping the river flow at the dam for maintenance. They must have released it. I see what looks like kids on black inner tubes riding the wave. I turn and pick up Fluffy and run back up to the cabin. I think about getting in the van and driving fast away. But I decide the river probably won't get up so high it will flood the cabin. The river rushes down the bed and rises quickly. It is at the foundation of the cabin. I think maybe I made a mistake and now its too late. I will be trapped in the cabin. And can't drive away on the flooded plains. I look again and the river has evened out. I will be safe. Later, I drive into the country store. A man comes up to me. An acquaintance of me and my husband. He is attracted to me and wants me. I excitedly tell him about the close encounter with the river. He comes up very close and grabs my arms. He wants to make love. I try to struggle out of his embrace. He is very insistent. I tell him if he doesn't release me right now I will scream rape. He hesitates and then releases me. I drive back to the cabin."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4044", 
            "content": "(02/06/01)[\"River and cabin dream continues..\"] I am in the cabin again. The river is more normal now. I have a 6 or 7 year old daughter. My husband is gone and has been for weeks or months. Traveling on work, I guess. The daughter is cute and smart. She has two neighbor friends (male) over and they are playing. One boy is typing on a toy machine and asking interview questions. I think this will be good skill building for him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4045", 
            "content": "(02/14/01)[\"I don't belong here.\"] Anastasia invites me to a real estate social evening. 3 women. Ann, Anastasia and a 3rd in a long . Smoozing. Some business dresses, some fancy clothes. It's like we are at an art gallery room. I see a man I used to act in a play with him. I remember a touching moment we had at some other gathering like this. He had a series of miniature oil paintings his father had painted of a piece of property he loved. Vibrant Van Gogh like paintings. Black crows flying up off a straw field, a whirlwind of straw rising to the sky. The color red. Other paintings blues and purples is sky and sunset. Cobalt blue. I find some paintings that remind me of that time. I see Perry sitting alone by a wall. I walk to him and share these paintings with him. It is tender and sweet and sad. He's a bit plump and older now. Anastasia comes over and I say I'm here because she insisted I be there. Perry says you look like you belong here (dressed up, smoozing). I say sadly I don't belong here. The only part that means anything to me is your paintings and us talking. Perry looks sad and goes away. I say to Anastasia I get so hungry for someone like Perry. Oh, I know he's probably an alcoholic and not right for me. But I so want that connection. Anastasia gently touches my arm and says I know. But I love you. I say I know. Friends. But I want THAT kind of love. We walk out the room into the moonlight where the silvery dresses of the women and their clients waft around. Anastasia says I know one room where you can have your feelings. We go to a museum room where beautiful cobalt blue and other colors of flat artistic bowls are displayed. People, sad lonely people, make ritualistic circular motions around the edges of these bowls. One woman croons once I made a metal one thin out. I see 2 older men looking at photos of his father's paintings. The father had died the last year. They mourn for him. I with wild sadness circle and circle the bowl with my dancing hands."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4046", 
            "head": "02/14/01", 
            "content": "I live in a apartment. I notice an extra room at the back of it. A woman opens the door and I realize it is more of my apartment I didn't know I had. I am a bit concerned with doors being locked in case people came from the street to cause harm."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4047", 
            "head": "02/15/01", 
            "content": "I am on an expedition to retrieve case notes from my Mexico trip. It is time to write the book based on my research. I ask several Mexican men to help me carry the piles of notes and papers through the woods to the right place. One leaves early another later. I realize I may have put my notes in jeopardy by not keeping them together and supervised. I follow the trail. I can't carry them all myself. I tried. But now I am on a very tall mountain. The owner of the company, a man is showing me what it is like to work in the high altitudes. With so little oxygen, it is dangerous work. I follow him down paths. I see the sheer rock cliff faces we are working on. In order to sleep, you have to strap yourself into a device and be sprayed with sleeping drugs. Then you wake up and continue. The food is odd. A dandelion fluff like thing you nibble on. It is cold and difficult to work. We are mining. Now the man says you find the right way to get to the mine. He'd led me once. I have a very hard time remembering the right paths. Finally, I see I took a wrong path, but I got there anyway. So I learned that all paths lead to the mine. Other workers are there. We are isolated up there. so we are friends to each other. A man feels sad because his love is far away. A woman worker empathizes with him. They talk it over. Another woman worker is going to take a bit of time off and have fun exploring the steep difficult terrain. I feel my irregular heart beat and realize this is taking a huge toll on me physically. I wonder if I will survive it. The mines are important."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4048", 
            "head": "02/15/01", 
            "content": "I have apparently bought a huge very nice house with a large entry way and a banquet sized dining room kitchen. A heated swim pool in the back yard. Lydia and her children (high school age) are visiting me. I mop the entry way. I have to walk what looks like a mile to the other end of the house it is so big. I wonder why I chose to have such a large house at this age of my life with the kids growing up and moving out. I like the house but the work keeping it up is a lot. I go out and swim in the pool. I am under water and floating toward the surface. I then see a man watching me from an upstairs window in the neighbors house. He's living there for the summer, writing a novel. He comes over because I invited him to have ice cream with me and talk writing. I tell him I am writing a novel too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4049", 
            "content": "(02/16/01)[\"Eastern Indian sexual rituals.\"] I am watching as the men of eastern India hand a small metal square to a woman they are in relationship with. She sits on it so that the vagina lips touch the metal and then she is consumed by sexual passion and they make love. I watch as one couple after another do this. Some of the women have figured out how to have their own metal square and chose the man they want. I see Bootsie has been chosen by another cat. She sits in a pretty ceramic bowl and he has his bowl right next to her. He is kind to her. I am glad for her. I am also concerned because a black cat who is not kind is near by and if the kind cat leaves it will take over. A dark skinned black curly haired tall man wants a beautiful daughter of the house and tries to catch her with his square. I feel very sexually excited."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4050", 
            "content": "(02/16/01)[\"Bette Midler retires.\"] I see Bette Midler walking across a lawn talking with people. I understand she is retiring now. I sit in a car, in the passenger side. Bette comes over, curious and gets in the driver's side. Perhaps I had signaled her to come over. She waits to see what I have to say. I tell her I loved her song \"The Rose\" the best. She says her too. I say my friend Lucy who has a beautiful singing voice sang it and I would harmonize with her. I would cry every time I sang it. I ask her if she will miss performing and singing. I'll bet she would. She smiles and I say quickly, but then maybe you just want to sit by the swim pool eating watermelon. She smiles and agrees that's all she wants to do now. It would give her great pleasure."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4051", 
            "content": "(02/16/01)[\"Oops. I forgot my classes.\"] I suddenly become aware that I have missed University classes for two weeks now and am very far behind. I could very easily flunk. I have a paper due on Monday and haven't a clue what to write about. I think about writing just that. Then I realize I could drop the classes. I don't have to be tasking classes any more. It is a relief. It might be too late to drop them without a grade drop, but I don't care. I don't want to be taking these classes any more."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4052", 
            "head": "02/16/01", 
            "content": "I am excited about sharing my results from my dream program. I have lots of numbers. I call a man over to where I am working. I tell him I want to show him my results. He's an official. Then I get the attention of a woman, well known in dreams, who becomes curious about all my numbers. I am trying to explain my dream program to her. There is a man near. I know we like each other but I don't know why. A mysterious feeling of knowing him. Then I see a group of men in brown security guard uniforms, all wearing masks of famous people. They sit like they were on a plane or train. I begin to feel fear. Something awful is happening and I am afraid. I keep forgetting things. The woman runs. I say to the man, are we moving? Are we moving? It feels like we are on some vehicle. Then the woman runs out screaming hysterically \"Why would they want to kill me?\" over and over. I wake up, feeling fear. Night terror? or Nightmare?"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4053", 
            "head": "02/16/01", 
            "content": "I must remember to write down what's happening. I call that official man out of his office to look over the weird things that happened over my dream program. He looks like he's in a trance. The man I am attracted to is still there. We don't remember why we met or how, just that we love each other. A pretty woman is there. Everyone else is gone. I look with fear down a flight of stairs. \"They\" are down there. We have to protect ourselves from the aliens. The mayor and several other people stand around in a trance. I and the man's mother move into a room. She lost lots of weight and her clothes are huge, nearly falling off her. We gasp. Proof. Time has passed, but not normally. I notice with irony even under these circumstances I don't lose weight. Now these few other people are coming back in with rags on. That's all that's left. Decaying rotting rags. The pretty woman still looks pretty even though her clothes are mismatched. I think that is ironic as well. We must remember to gather and store water. To survive. A man points to a circular patterned woven basket mat in a front window of a house. Bees. He says in fear. They are like bees. We begin to run to find a place to hide. Little bees appear near us and try to sting us. We swat at them. We run into a room with a bathroom and try to lock the doors. They won't lock no matter how hard I try. I say get some pots. I turn on the faucet for water and plug the sink. The pretty woman brings small paper cups \"because they are prettier.\" She said. Even she realizes this is illogical and non survival like. I try and fill the sink but the water escapes down the drain. I am afraid and continue to try and lock the doors. Holes appear. They are coming. I wake up. Fear like monsters are under the bed. Nightmare."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4054", 
            "head": "02/17/01", 
            "content": "I decide to find out where the male director lives. I see the back end of my van as I drive down a street looking for him, only he is now a she. Lisa, not Perry. She sees me drive by. I see me turn left, pretending I am lost. Now me the observer sees a woman in a wheelchair who says she leaned into the experience too much and fell over backwards and hurt herself. Now I see a pretty woman from last dream walking down a sidewalk perpendicular from the wheelchair woman. Now I am running with her and we are at exactly the same place as the end of the last dream. We race into the bathroom and try to lock the doors. This time the doors lock good. I realize the alien is in the pretty woman and say to it, show yourself. Another irony. I had just locked myself IN with the alien. The pretty woman falls back on the toilet unconscious, like the alien will come out of her. I try to see the alien. Nothing is there. The doors are secured. I feel OK. I wake up."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4055", 
            "head": "02/17/01", 
            "content": "I am at a store, garage area. I'm trying to convince an Asian woman to back my play. She keeps popping in and zipping off. She won't sit still and hear my proposition. She gets on a motorcycle like contraption and goes down the street with a boy (9 or 20) on her lap. She helps this guy who owns the store, garage to do business better. She waves her foot which is oddly shaped a bit like a hand. I see she holds her right arm like the hand is missing. She's laughing and playing as she goes on around the corner. I sit there disappointed. I wanted her to back my play. Then the older man owner, comes by and we talk. I share my disappointment with him. He says what the hell, he'll help. All I need is $100,000. As I am thinking I haven't got $100,000. He's asking if I want the 2PM and 9PM dinner breaks catered. I nod yes, I need to find Sparky's (The Asian Woman)'s phone number she gave me. The man and I walk down a road. We are attracted to each other and chatting. I see my plaid blanket on the side of the road with other blankets. I say who put my blanket out here. I am teasing him because he did, made a bed there last night and its really his blanket anyway. Then we get to my room. Lots of books on shelves like a store front only its my bedroom. The man is curious to see my room. I suddenly remember I left the phone number up at his store. I say I'll run up and get it. I run part way back up the road and then fall off the road on the right side. It's like a room with a wall. I get back up, embarrassed. 2 older men are there, the owner and some other nice man. Now there's a slider door across the road. I open the door. A young man jokes about needing to pee. I shut the door, remembering I have the phone number in my room. I go back to my room passing a grandmotherly plump woman seated by Charla saying \"She's grown so much since I've seen her. I agree. Then the owner asks me a question and I sigh saying I don't have $100,000. It's a relief to be honest and say that. He asks how much I have. I say $10,000. He says OK. We'll do it."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4056", 
            "head": "02/17/01", 
            "content": "I see Sparky and ask her to stay for a few minutes and hear the dream I had about her. As I describe how she was willing to back my play in the dream, I realize its like asking her to back me now. She smiles and says like Celeste so name the term you want to be in another play. I say OK. That will be fun. It will be nice to be in the Center for another performance. I ask her to list the future productions coming up. I also ask her if I can submit a play to her for consideration. She agrees I can submit it. Then she offers me a couple of vegetarian like hamburgers with some purple like cabbage like veggie on the side. There are four varieties of this slightly hot and spicy veggie. I taste it and it is very delicious. I eat it all. I thank her for the food. Then there is an actor, Richard Gere who visits."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4057", 
            "head": "02/17/01", 
            "content": "Now the actor Richard Gere behaves like Jim Carrey. Making outrageous jokes. He is funny and annoying at the same time. Cute but pushy. He wants to watch a video with me. He chooses one called \"The Thing\" I say oh no. Is this that really scary one? We start watching. It's a horror story, but I realize I'd seen it before. A woman with arthritis. No so scary after all, just an OK story. I get bored and go upstairs. I see Ellie lying in a child'' bed trying to sleep. As I am walking up the stairs, I see a man and woman getting ready to be married. They wear fancy clothes that are red silk and silver sequins. Matching shoes. She can't get her shoes to fit right and stay on. He ridicules her as they bicker up the stairs. I point out a steep hill that represents Ginny and Ernie's relationship. A strong together relationship. Now I am back in the room with Richard Gere and Ellie and a small child, a girl, and Ginny. I am helping the girl do some task. Richard keeps interrupting with Jim Carrey tricks. I say jokingly who let this guy in anyway. I realize it was me that invited him in. A friend of Sparkey's."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4058", 
            "content": "(02/18/01)[\"Geological time.\"] I am in a lush forest looking at rock outcroppings. I see small bits of crystal rock embedded in the boulders. I am on the look out for a person. He's not supposed to see me. I don't know what he looks like so I hide whenever someone comes around."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4059", 
            "content": "(02/18/01)[\"Flying bird and dinosaur's.\"] I am a flying bird. A paradactal. I am high above the lush forests. I see dinosaurs standing and eating and ranging. Another bird and I soar over the forests until the other bird is stopped by the tall long necked dinosaurs. He's trying to eat the bird. I fly in to distract the dinosaur. I try hard to rise above the level of his head and it is very hard. I distract the dinosaur and he comes after me. Then my bird friend escapes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4060", 
            "content": "(02/19/01)[\"Spider woman ritual.\"] I apparently have a Mexican father named Jamisma and a Native American mother. I am accused to stealing a special bridal dress of a native American woman. I say I am innocent. They are very angry at me. Now my \"father\" shows me a large silver broach filigree work and a center turquoise stone. Caught under that broach is a huge spider. My \"father\" is afraid to touch it or let it crawl on him. I am too. I watch it closely when it moves, afraid it will come at me. After a long time doing that, my \"father\" then allows it to crawl on his shoulder. He says the spider is mostly dead now. Maybe completely dead. He asks me where we should put it. I say put it in the garbage can. If it is alive, it can feed on the food there and survive. He agrees, He thinks of piercing it's center colored spot on the belly to put it out of its misery. But if it has a chance to live, he agrees to let it try. He takes it out. I then go into a room. The ritual ceremony is about to begin. My \"mother\" begins it. She moves around me, talking. There is some large cannon shaped object that my \"father\" positions and fires off. A lot of stuff floats down from the shot. It is positioned several times and fired. I am concerned the spider will return. Now the angry Native American girl glares at me and demands I return the bridal dress for her ceremony. I look at her and say empathetically \"I understand.\" But I can't return it. I didn't take it. Apparently there was some accident that happened to it, and that may have happened because of me. But the girl wants retribution."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4061", 
            "head": "03/03/01", 
            "content": "I am visiting Jennifer H.'s house. Lots of women friends of hers are there. Some are lesbians. I am tired and recovering from some illness. She and her friends are very busy. In a large room of her house she has a cannery and they are preserving and canning foods. She is also organizing things. Putting things in their proper places. I watch. Then I need to take a time out and recharge my batteries. Of my wheelchair. I go to another room and try and plug it in. I'm not sure if I've plugged it in right or pushed the switch the right way. Merle comes in and I ask him if I did it right. He changes where it's plugged in. I thank him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4062", 
            "head": "03/03/01", 
            "content": "I am a beautiful fold singer singing for a very colorful crowd of 90 people all crowded, standing around me. At first they look like colorful cloth objects. Then I see they are people. I have dark slightly curly long hair. I play a mandolin. My playing is intricate and beautiful. I manage to get unusual melodic complex sounds out of this simple folk instrument. The audience loves me. I sing song after song. I see the scene now from behind me. I see a cloth spread out with cassette tapes of my music to sell and food and a big glass bowl of water for the audience. Now a tall good looking man comes behind me and opens a hinged window, like a hatch back car window. This changes the dynamics of the sound and makes it a bit harder to sing. I keep on, compensating for the change. He is interested in me. I am attracted to him. I say I'll sing two more songs. Lots of applause. I sing one of my \"favorite\" tunes. \"Gold Rings.\" It's about a man offering a gold ring and relationship and I am interested, but then I am glad I refused the gold ring because then I'm free of doing the dishes and helping him and losing my music and freedom. Now the concert is over. A young woman comes up to talk. She wears a large plastic shopping bag over her head. She has a question. Can I tell her how to sing a particular note? I ask her to take off the bag so when we talk I can see her eyes. She shyly takes it off slowly. She mentions a boyfriend. I say, it is possible to have both your music and a boyfriend but you have to decide which one is priority. My music comes first, I say this so the attractive man can hear. He seems to understand. He waits for the woman to go and we walk off together pleasantly getting acquainted."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4063", 
            "content": "(03/04/01)[\"Friendly guests.\"] I am organizing my stuff in a house. Guests arrive, a woman and four men. One man in particular is very attractive. We are attracted to each other. They are helping me a bit. They are friendly. I am trying to find places for them to sleep, taking them from room to room. I suggest a couch in the living room that folds out for several. I walk through several pretty bathrooms. I notice how nice they look, decorative."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4064", 
            "content": "(03/04/01)[\"I can walk now.\"] I am in a wheelchair at perhaps a University. Friendly people and I are going from one building to another. Lots of stairs everywhere and no ramps. I drive my wheelchair up a short flight of cement stairs. I make it, quite surprised that I did. And pleased. I then see the left wheel is frayed and damaged, coming apart. I look down a long flight of stairs. Too long to drive the chair down. I see another back flight of stairs made of wood and flatter longer steps, more gradual. I decide the chair won't work anymore and decide I will attempt to sit on my butt and scoot down step by step. A woman stands at my left and I stand out of the chair and balance, leaning on her arm for support. Then I take a step and successfully manage the first step. I try a second step and one by one I successfully walk down the full flight of stairs. I am ecstatic. I can walk now. A male professor, friendly is in the background somewhere."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4065", 
            "content": "(03/05/01)[\"Bloody sheets.\"] I am helping clean up a pile of sheets. There are dried slight blood stains on them. Messy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4066", 
            "content": "(03/06/01)[\"Lucid dancing.\"] I am backstage wearing a beautiful feather mask with very long black and white feathers. A feather elaborate headdress and a beautiful spangly outfit. I am in my wheelchair. The back curtains are pulled open and I come out on stage, dancing, spinning, doing wonderful graceful moves. The audience loves it. I am enjoying myself greatly. Then a group of able bodied dancers join me. We do this choreographed number involving tap dancing. I have a board where my foot pedals were and I tap with them. At one point, with balance help from two other dancers, I stand and do some dance moves. It is great fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4067", 
            "content": "(03/07/01)[\"Stan the friendly man.\"] I am chatting with Stan (Anastasia's friend). He is being friendly and helpful. I am in a bed and he lies down on the covers, while I am under the covers. It is just nice and comfortable. Someone else is also sitting on the bed on my left, chatting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4068", 
            "head": "03/14/01", 
            "content": "I watch as two fluffy white dogs which are somehow magical need to fly up into the sky. Get above the turbulence layer of air to bring back fresh pure air. One dog blows air into the butt of the other dog. They fly up, inflated. I am now up there with them helping get past the turbulence layer. We successfully get above it and gather fresh air. I return to earth. Then I am holding a pistol which doesn't fit right in its holster. I struggle with it until it slips in and fits correctly. Now the pistol is purple and slides in and out very easily and comfortably."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4069", 
            "content": "(03/15/01)[\"Island travel on a couch.\"] Children have decided to travel to an island. A boy asks me to come with them. They will make a new home for themselves and I will help them. We get in a station wagon, the boy (teen) driving. The way out is extremely steep down a dirt cliff. He points the car straight at it. I say No, go down sideways, its safer. We do that, sliding fast down the hill. We go down a road to a beach. We put boxes and backpacks of our things on a baize couch. Then we sit on it and wash out to sea. Then we wash up on an island. There is a store there. The lady owner allows us to store some of our things in her backroom. I see an orange cement BBQ pit or fireplace in that room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4070", 
            "head": "03/15/01", 
            "content": "I am Eartha Kitt. Another woman and a man and \"I\" are in a room. The woman and I had done a dance. Now she and I are changing clothes. As the other woman takes off her bra, she is being sexy and attracting the man. I stand up completely naked and say guess I'll leave now. They begin to make love and I walk into another room (a dressing room). I lie down on a couch to rest. Then suddenly a man is there wanting me sexually. I try to escape, to put my clothes on. He grabs me with intent to rape me. He is madly in love with me and says lots of sexy things. I fight him but he's got me. I see a woman standing at an open wall by a pillar. I get close to her and say don't move or say anything. I need help. But the man sees I talked to her. He grabs me and I turn to him and bite his face as hard as I can. He yells in pain. A security guard comes in. I tell him to arrest this man. He actually does. Now the man is jailed for 14 years. After a few years, they let him out giving me lots of papers and letters he wrote about his obsession with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4071", 
            "content": "(03/16/01)[\"Jake, Lydia and me cleaning up.\"] Jake, Lydia and Me are living in a house together. I think it used to be my parents house, although I've never seen it before. There are two kitchen areas. I am in the room that is like a rec room, only there is a stove. I see it has a gas burner and it is on. The flame shoots high up and I worry that it will catch something on fire. I turn it off. It goes out and then pops back on. It is apparently the pilot light. One spark singes an eyebrow hair I got too close. I open the oven door and see it is on too. There are hamburger patties cooking and a chocolate cake with chocolate and green icing trim. I get a spatula and take them out a piece at a time. I suggest Jake eat some now. I then try and clean up the top of the stove. Lydia is in the kitchen doing dishes. Now we walk down a hall. I point to the floors of the various rooms where carpet had been ripped up and blotches of an ugly green carpet residue is all over the floor in patches. We go into an almost empty room, like a living room. A TV and a recliner chair is there. The TV is at one long end and the chair is clear at another. I suggest me move the chair closer to the TV. I then see it is plugged in and ask Lydia if there is another outlet in the room. We see one. I have to use an adapter plug, but we set it up. I sit in the chair and decide to color for awhile. I pull out a few crayons and chalks and a poster picture. It is a fuzzy dragon creature. I start with giving it pink hair. I want it to be purple on the body. As I color, I look again and it is a curvaceous woman. I am coloring her skin green. I have a yellow chalk I pick up accidentally and color for awhile. Then a large giant stuffed monster kind of creature is in the room. He and all his stuff is at the far end. He doesn't want us there coloring. I say well, if we promise not to come near your side of the room and not color anything of yours is it ok if we stay? He says yes. Now the picture is a man in an outdoor cooking apron. I continue coloring."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4072", 
            "content": "(03/17/01)[\"Gardens in the hall.\"] I am walking down a long hall in an apartment building. The hall area in front of every apartment door is decorated like an indoor garden, each one uniquely different. I see the pretty waterfalls and hanging plants. And statuary. They are very lovely. The apartment I am being shown is at the very end of the hall. I go in and it looks very nice, a red brocade couch. I need to go talk to the landlord and make arrangements. The man showing me the apartment gives me a special outfit I must wear for this interview. It is a formal pink gown with a ruffly stole that goes around my face and shoulders, up to my eyes. We go up to the top floor and I go to the door. I see odd letters that I think are dutch words but they look more Arabic or Chinese. This is the list of roommates that live in this apartment. I timidly knock on the wall near the door. Then I knock louder on the door. I wait."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4073", 
            "content": "(03/18/01)[\"Disability advocacy.\"] Four of us traveling in a car. We are working on disability advocacy. 2 men. I lie on the backseat of the car. The young man looks at my belly area. I am embarrassed. I am so fat. He doesn't seem to mind."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4074", 
            "content": "(03/18/01)[\"Nice older couple and betrayal.\"] I am at a women's workshop. We are all sitting on the floor. I see a nice older couple who walk around together, arm in arm. They seem to be kind to each other and love each other. Susie is the lecturer or rather facilitator. As I am watching, the man suddenly says to the woman, \"Maybe I'll just rape you.\" I do a double take I am so surprised. She almost doesn't hear it. The whole group goes silent in shock. The woman withdraws her arm and steps back. The man then walks away from her in obvious pursuit of a young pretty woman. He now wears a long black robe with stars and moons on it, like a wizard robe. He is seated with women around him like a harem. The old woman is distraught. I say to her, hold my hand. I will support you. She takes my hand and begins to walk like pacing in a circle around and around dragging me along. I have a hard time keeping up. She then lunges to the man throwing herself prostrate on the ground in front of him. Clutching his legs. We are all shocked and disapproving. She begs him to let her stay with him."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4075", 
            "content": "(03/19/01)[\"Magic moment in magic apartment.\"] I am a 30ish woman with a son. I meet this good looking loving fun kind man. We are outside walking around. The sense of humor, the camaraderie is intense. I like him and he me immediately. It is special and wonderful. He's walking me home. I want him to see my apartment. I open the door. It looks like a reception area of an office. A male secretary is there. I say good afternoon, walk through the small room to a door behind his desk. I open it and we enter a huge cavernous room where wonderful large wood carvings adorn the high cave like walls. A young priest is there and we talk. We are old friends. The man I like/love is good with my son. He's wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. He is interested in everything about me, including my magic like apartment. I say you have to see this . I push open a slim corner cupboard door. This is very important says my son. I push a lazy susan shelf and it goes around showing boxes and a china tea set. A couple of cups rattle as I push it around to show him. I have a tea set I say whimsically. There had been some jealousy between he and the priest. The priest is an old friend of mine. I turn and reach out my arms to the man. We embrace lovingly. It feels so right, so wonderful. The priest is disappointed and leaves. As we cling to each other, the man says in a love choked voice, I think I'll wear a white jacket. My son says \"Whoa!\" I freeze and pull back slowly. He is confused and says what? My son shakes his head sadly. I want to marry you, he says. I pull back further, very sad. I love him. I love being with him but marriage is impossible. He tries to back track. It's OK. No man, but the moment is gone. It will be over and I feel deeply sad. It had been so special and loving."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4076", 
            "content": "(03/20/01)[\"Demasking loving tom.\"] A man in his mid 30's maybe is dressed in a fancy suit sort of like a tux. He wears an odd smooth mask that covers his face like the blue men of IBM commercial or like Jim Carrey in The Mask, a movie. He and I begin to come closer to make love. We lie down on a bed and we kiss sensuously. It feels wonderful. The mask disappears. I begin to take off his clothes. I am sexually excited. I am on top. It is a tender and erotic experience. I sit up and he unbuttons my white shirt. We are naked and begin the process of guiding his penis in. It feels wonderful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4077", 
            "content": "(03/22/01)[\"Dream baskets.\"] I am in some store. Bonnie is around. There are craft things on the shelves. I see a small box with lots of miniature cute baskets in it. One is rectangular with a lid. I see boxes with little trains in them the engine and one car as a set. I see lots of skeins of embroidery or needlepoint threads many lovely colors. I'm thinking of making something with all these things. I feel happy. This will be fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4078", 
            "content": "(03/24/01)[\"Visiting mom.\"] I am outside at what is supposedly my parents' house. But I've never seen it before. I am packing to go back home. I am going through some things on a bench. My mother comes out and says something negative. I respond with a statement that indicated she made a mistake about what she was saying about me. I did it with some calmness. My mother goes back in the house. I pick up some books. I'd left there at the last visit. My baby photo album with writing in it. And so on. I pick up a small paperback book with the title \"Literary Edits\" and think, that's my mother's book. I leave it on the bench. There is a baby somewhere. I get all my things packing into a cardboard box, square. The mostly eaten white cake on a rectangular plate was a bit too much. So I take that back out and now there is just enough room for all my things. I lay the photo album on top. Now I wonder how to get this heavy box carried to the car which my father had gone to get. I think I'll wait until help comes. But then I decide to try and push it up the steep hill as far as I can manage. I bend down and shove it slowly up the hill. I manage well getting to a t intersection of another sidewalk. Suddenly, a brown narrow vehicle which from the front looks like a very thin VW bug. My mother is driving it. I yell at her, Hey look out, I'm here. She didn't see me and almost ran over me. I step off the sidewalk in the grass. She stops and gets out. She says she's sorry she said what she said. I said It's Ok, but I haven't really forgiven her. I just wish to get on with business and not deal with it. Like it is finished business and I don't need to give energy to it. I am a little cool toward her. I walk around behind the vehicle wondering where I will sit and how the box will fit. I see a square space on the back with a mesh wire side. The box will fit there just fine. I notice she has several smaller versions of this vehicle parked on the lawn and a tiny one like a toy. I think my father must have bought them for her so she can get around better and be more independent."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4079", 
            "content": "(03/25/01)[\"Going to Las Vegas.\"] I am in some large room with Aunt Millie. We are talking about a workshop I attended that she is very interested in learning about. Some man and a woman, who had been featured on the Oprah Winfrey show. I said I could teach her the stuff I learned. She wants to learn. We are sitting on a large sort of couch platform chatting. Now we get up and walk across the room to a small kitchen area. Millie is mixing up some whipped cream in an unusual way. She has it poured out in a rectangle shape on what looks like a grill on a stove. She uses a whisk and the color of the cream is a milky blue. I comment on the unusual way she is doing it. I am interested. As she does this, I tell her that the three things that are most important to learn from the workshop is you must have a goal, drive and motivation. As we are talking I become aware of possible danger. It seems we are on a large ocean ship and huge whales, hairy black scary ones, are circling the ship. They are coming to eat us. I feel worried. I look out and see them deep in the ocean coming closer. One very hairy one surfaces and goes back down. I move toward the center of the room. I need to look in cupboards. I begin to open a large cupboard like a closet. I see a baby's hand poke out. Aunt Millie is very upset and says don't open that! Now I wonder if there's a dead or hurt baby that's been in there for a long time and did Aunt Millie have something to do with that? I try to shut the door again but it won't shut, the stuff that's in it won't go back in enough to shut. The feeling of fear now. A man suddenly enters the room from a door that leads to an elevator. He's come for us. Aunt Millie is going somewhere bad, like she will die. I think I am going with her, but the man says to me, No, you are going to Las Vegas. I walk into the elevator relieved it's not my time to die yet."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4080", 
            "content": "(03/26/01)[\"Throat closure.\"] I am in a room. Organizing things. I feel the throat closure thing about to begin and I rush toward the sink to pour a glass of water and begin to drink."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4081", 
            "content": "(03/26/01)[\"Funny little airplane.\"] I return home from some trip. Ginny is with me. Howard is gone. I am curious if he is gone for good. I feel very slightly sad about that. I am unpacking and trying to get back into the routine. I go outside. I see a small single person airplane. A male pilot is with it. It is interesting to look at."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4082", 
            "content": "(03/27/01)[\"Picking up the garbage.\"] I am with a performance group. I am packing things. I go outside where a lot of garbage is piled up on a parking strip along a street. Lots of it is dead leaves, but there are lots of old broken things too. A lovely golden retriever dog comes to help pick up the garbage. She begins to work where the leaves are piled up. I and another woman are looking over the junk. She picks up a small clock. She says it works but it doesn't stop. I say well, that's because it's broken, sort of sarcastic, because it's in the junk pile for a reason, I would think. I look back where the dog is working and I am very impressed with how much she has accomplished. Long areas of fresh grass is exposed where the piles of dead leaves used to be."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4083", 
            "content": "(03/28/01)[\"Little blue aliens.\"] I am living in a run down apartment building. I want to go to the bathroom. I open the door out to the hall, as the bathroom is in another room across the hall. I see water all over the floor. I see Ellie in the bathroom as the door is open. She is looking at me concerned because there is water coming out of everywhere in the bathroom. She gestures for me to come see. I walk in and see water several inches deep on the left side of the room. I am concerned. I decide to go to the stairs at the right end of the hall. I open that door and see flooding water rising almost to our floor level. I am worried now. I go to the left end of the hall and find an odd sort of stone dungeon door which swings open to reveal a flight of old rough hewn stone stairs. I hear water flowing from somewhere, just as I heard water flowing at the other stairs. I walk down the stairs cautiously and round a bend to see that the stairs now went back up and around another corner. I see water flowing out of the ceiling in a corner. I go back to the hall and try and find my apartment. We have to get out of here. I look in one room near the left end and see a group of odd little blue men, obviously aliens. I grab one by the neck and hold a tree branch which forks at the end in my left hand. The alien is very afraid and breathes loudly. I realize they think the tree branch is a weapon as I hold it pointed at them like a gun. The group wants to rush me and save their companion, but are afraid to do it. There's another one of them at the right end of the hall and I keep swinging my neck back and forth to keep a wary eye on them all. I realize my right hand is at just the right place on the aliens neck to choke him if I have to. He knows that too. I make him walk with me as I look for Ellie and some kind of exit. I call to Ellie to find a fire escape. She says she found one in the bathroom. I walk, with the alien there, get to the window. Ellie goes down the fire escape. I release the alien and dart out the window and on down. The alien is very surprised I didn't kill or harm him. He realizes now I was just defending myself. I look back up and realize they are water breathing creatures and are filling the building up so they can survive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4084", 
            "content": "(03/29/01)[\"Nearly dead cat.\"] I see a pathetic calico spotted cat who is very week and ill. Bald patches on his head by his ear, his eyes receding from near death. I feel very sad and upset with myself. Did I forget to give him water and food? I go find a bowl of water and bring it to him. I don't know if he will survive. I feel terrible."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4085", 
            "content": "(03/29/01)[\"Searching with kittens on my head.\"] A man shows me a video and tells me to watch closely. I watch trying to memorize all the objects and sequences. It's a test of some kind. The man watches me closely to see how I will do. After the complex video is done, he places many objects in boxes and pouches and tells me to search for a knife. I remember seeing a plastic like knife similar to a letter opener. On the video and begin looking where I think it might be. I search through a box, then along the table and then in a pouch and can't find it. I am frustrated. I keep searching over and over. Another woman now joins the search. It's a contest now. A small kitten is nearby. I think it is cute and pet it. I pick it up. The man adjusts its position so it is right under my chin to cuddle up by my neck. I would have preferred that the kitten be in my arms so I could enjoy looking at it. Now there are two kittens. Now they are on my head and I balance them as I continue the long search. Another man enters the room. I signal to him secretly where's the knife! I had found a pouch with a regular looking knife, but my memory was of a letter opener type. He points his head at the pouch. I mouth Is it the regular knife. He nods. The watching an is watching this even though we are trying to be hidden from him. I'm just not finding anything. It isn't going well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4086", 
            "head": "04/02/01", 
            "content": "I am awake but in a hospital bed in \"my\" room. I have a small ceramic bowl with lots of little things in it. It keeps slipping and stuff falls out on the bed. Then Bonnie comes in and gets on the bed. I'm a bit annoyed because its very early in the morning. I toss a small ceramic \"angel\" at her. Here, I say, a gift. She says Oh, God! In frustration. It was such a graceless act of giving. Off handed. I just wanted to get rid of it. She goes into the bathroom and comes back. She's crying and exhausted. She says I just can't go to work now. It's so stressful. I say something empathetic, but I don't really mean it. She's in my space and I'm tired too. She says I'm worried. I may have cancer. I say me too. I'm worried I have cancer too, with all the things that have been going wrong lately. Then a young woman like Anastasia's ex friend comes in, only she's nice. She starts rearranging my room, putting up a partition and posters and decorations. What's going on I ask. She says we're celebrating the success of a poet. Some man. In my room? I ask. She cheerfully continues. I feel a bit jealous of this successful poet. Maybe he'll like me. I get up, exhausted. I return to find the whole place changed. I open a door and find the poet unpacking. Oh, it's you, I say. He looks vaguely familiar. I go back to my bedroom and see its all a party room. I look in another room to see my bed in a little alcove, with a pretty white cotton crocheted bedspread. I look at the bed. Very pretty, but no room for my wheelchair to pull up to the side."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4087", 
            "content": "(04/07/01)[\"Breathing underwater.\"] I am preparing a staged area for some meeting. I am cleaning off a table and helping students place agendas and information on the tables. Part of the event involves diving underwater to great depths. I have a breathing mask on and I dive in, but can't get to the bottom, because the pressure is too great. I come back up and get some advise that if I switch the toggle switch from the top chest pack to the belly pack when nearing the depths, I will do better. I do that and find I can reach the bottom and breathe fine. I also see some residential people a family who lives down there and they are so acclimated they don't need any breathing apparatus."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4088", 
            "content": "(04/08/01)[\"Babies.\"] I am given the job of organizing all the babies photos. On several pages, there would be just one color photo of a baby (looking newborn) who had died. But the other pages are full of lots of photos of thriving alive babies. The woman who gave me the project is very pleased with my organization and work with the photos. She brings me a radio news story of how well I did. Later, I am given the job of organizing the children's paper dragon poster projects. I get some of the kids to bite and make designs on the edges of the papers and gather them all up to organize. I am doing a good job."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4089", 
            "content": "(04/13/01)[\"Toilet flow direction.\"] I am lying down at some gate like entrance to the beach and the ocean, waiting for my brother Jake. Lots of people go into the beach area. They are going to look for green round objects that might be food that drifts up on shore. One woman demonstrates her swimming stroke she will use in the ocean. I think to myself I can't swim. But maybe I can walk the beach and find some. As I wait, a \"Royal Highness\" who is the Minister of Something to the King comes by. They can't figure out when you push down on the flusher handle of a toilet how to regulate the direction of the water flow and which direction is the right one. I call out, \"Your Royal Highness\" and tell him that you could flush it and observe and then figure it out. I feel a bit embarrassed because this isn't any better information that what they are wondering."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4090", 
            "content": "(04/14/01)[\"Odd wheelchair.\"] I am in a public room, lots of people, like a classroom. A man that looks like Michael J. Fox has a very unique wheelchair that he can transform into a blue sled bed and it will recline. He is manipulating it very fast and it doesn't fix up right. I watch with interest. What a neat gadget to have. Then I am holding boxes and boxes of checks from banks, each one belongs to a man in the room. I choose one and now I must find out what man I chose that belongs to the checks. A man apparently owns those checks, I look for him and hand back the other boxes to their owners. I am disappointed to see that the man took his box of checks and left. I guess I will see him later, as he is chosen."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4091", 
            "content": "(04/15/01)[\"Trouble walking.\"] I am walking with great difficulty. I have a long way to go and I'm not sure I can do it without falling or my legs giving out on me. There are people around who see me but do not offer any help. I am frustrated and in pain. I am angry at them for not being helpful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4092", 
            "content": "(04/15/01)[\"Coughing fit.\"] I am in a school of some kind walking the halls. I begin to have my coughing spasms and reach out to people gesturing I need to drink water. No one helps me, even though they are the support staff for disabled students. I cough and cough, feeling angry and frustrated. No one seems to understand what I need. I get to a sink and open a straw and try to suck the water from the faucet. I managed to get the coughing under control myself, but it took a great deal of effort."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4093", 
            "content": "(04/15/01)[\"Howling about God.\"] I am showing a woman the rough draft of a children's book I created. It is dumped up on large tracing paper. She will be the critic. I hesitate to show her my writing part, before she does the official critique, because I don't want to prejudice or influence her decisions. But I say you must take a look at the illustrations. They are wonderful. Someone else did them. I fold a page or two over so she can see the colorful illustrations. I tell her that two men are doing this work. They are \"howling about God.\" One is a Jew and another is Catholic."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4094", 
            "content": "(04/16/01)[\"Broken car.\"] I am trying to get into the driver's seat of a car. The seat is wide and far back from the steering wheel. A woman sits where I should be sitting to drive. We exchange seats. There is a handle on a long mechanical arm like my joystick mechanism laying on the left, not attached. I try and get it to be where it belongs. I see now I have to drive up a steep embankment to get to the road, which is narrow and lots of parked cars along it. It's more like a driveway. I hit the gas and roar up the embankment leaning forward in case we tip over. But we make it just fine. Now I am trying to turn around so we can leave but the brakes aren't working hardly at all. I press hard but we keep rolling. I hit something. A passenger from the back says it's OK. You didn't do much damage. Let's go. I say no, I have to talk with the owner of that object first. The passenger says it's not a problem. They won't care. I say, Even so, I must talk with a grown up about it before I leave."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4095", 
            "content": "(04/19/01)[\"Research going wrong.\"] I am in some African country doing research. I have very bad eyesight. I wear thick glasses and have trouble seeing well even with them. A group of guys come by, one young, good looking and insensitive is making fun of me. I ignore him and am walking to the post office to send a letter. I walk through several rooms and find the post office. I walk up to the counter and can vaguely see a woman. I hand her the letter I am sending and turn to walk away. Then I realize that I was actually seeing the reflection of myself in a mirror and had laid the letter down on the counter. It will never get sent. I pick it back up. The guy is following me, teasing. He's supposed to be doing research on me (my dreams I think) and he's not doing it. I go to another room where the professor (like Milton Kramer) is seated. I say to him, I understand that the original research information of mine isn't as valid anymore. But this guy is missing out on current research he could be doing on me and the others. He has forgotten your theories."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4096", 
            "content": "(04/20/01)[\"Flying.\"] I am in an airplane. I am the pilot and alone. I love flying. I love being in the sky and looking all around at the beauty. I fly until I run out of gas and have to land. A man, the mechanic and fuel dispenser man comes to the window to convince me to stay on land for awhile and hang out with him. I am not interested. I want to be back in the sky flying. I am annoyed he is taking so much time when I could be in the sky flying."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4097", 
            "head": "04/20/01", 
            "content": "Charla and I are walking down a hall. We are looking for a table to sit at. I walk past a man who I don't trust. I choose to go around the corner and find a table away from him. I put my papers and things on the table. The man is at a slightly higher level and looking down at our table. He makes me nervous. I am afraid he will take my things. I guard them closely and warn Charla to guard as well. Then I decide to walk to Grandma Anne's house and stay there. We walk toward it but I change my mind and return to the table. The man grins at me and tries to sit at the table with me. I say to him, sharply, stay away. I don't want you near here. I scoop up my papers and hold them close to me. I am also worried he will steal my money. He keeps annoying and taunting me. He says if you don't like it, you can leave. I start to get up to leave. He's right. I don't have to be close by. Then I get an idea. I have a new digital way of producing things that recording companies could use. I could make money. But this man owns the company in Texas (where we are.) I decide there are other companies!! .\""
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4098", 
            "content": "(04/21/01)[\"Mask.\"] I am creating a very elaborate and beautiful mask or head and face dress from pieces of jewelry and cloth. It has lace, necklaces, and so on . At one point the part over the face looks like a fox or cat skin face. I now take it off to put away for the night to be worn the next day. It is hard to take off and keep all the pieces together as they are supposed to be reassembled the same way the next day. A woman helps me take the head dress off. I place it on a sign on the sidewalk, I then worry that someone will come along and steal the parts of it. I call security and ask them to come by frequently to keep an eye on the stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4099", 
            "content": "(04/23/01)[\"Traveling with the natives.\"] I'm traveling down a dirt road in an Asian country. All the peasants are walking and I am riding a very tall plastic blow up animal. It is mechanized so it moves along. I am way up higher than everyone. The animal is a sort of black ostrich looking thing. I come to a bridge over the road, like another highway going perpendicular. I am too high, so I push a button and the hydraulics of the machine shortens the thing enough so I can get under it. The peasants ignore me, they do not like having me there. They do not respect me. Later, the peasants are running toward the fields and I hear an airplane coming. I realize I am in danger and shorten the machine down to the road and then run with the peasants into the weeds in the field. We hide until the airplane passes. We come out. I see shimmery pamphlets lying all over the road. They could explode if we stepped on them. I now get off my machine and pick up clothes and shoes from dead people on the road so that I am now dressed and acting like a peasant. It is my protection. We come into a room. I am more accepted now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4100", 
            "content": "(04/24/01)[\"Mom's diaper.\"] My mother is driving a car and a man and I are trying to get her diaper on her. I am having trouble with getting the sticky tape in the right place. I hold the right sides of the diaper together at her waist and the man is trying to get the tape on it. We try several times with no luck. Then I notice we are taping the tape at one end on the diaper and then the other end to the outside of the car door. This won't work, I think, because she will want to get out of the car eventually. Then I see the front of the diaper isn't forward enough to protect, so I pull on the front. I see blood from her period on it but am happy I could successfully get it positioned correctly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4101", 
            "content": "(04/25/01)[\"Judy Garland trapped.\"] The setting is a long narrow area. Judy Garland lives there. She takes prescription pills and is hooked on them. Her daughters and her granddaughters are there too and they are also hooked. They live a difficult existence, being taken advantage of by sleazy media technicians. Her daughters are fat and pregnant by one of the technicians."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4102", 
            "content": "(04/26/01)[\"Bill Clinton and me.\"] I am at a White House function, in my power wheelchair. Bill Clinton is attracted to me. He flirts and chats. He wonders what it's like to be in a power wheelchair and I get out of mine and choose another chair, which is like a walker with wheels and a chair seat. It is black. He drives around, bumping into things. I laugh and say put it on slow because you'll really scrape up all this lovely furniture. Then I wheel slowly around in my \"manual\" chair. Now we are seated at a dining table, other guests and staff are there. He had placed a package at my place. I open the soft tissue paper wrapping and find a beautiful gold filigree worked necklace with Jade stones on it. Also several rings with jade stones on them. I start to try on the ring on my left hand, wedding ring finger and feel embarrassed he saw that. I change it to the right hand. One fits on my pinky and another on my big finger. I however give him back the necklace saying I can not accept it. He is hurt and asks if I don't like it. I say it's beautiful but it is too much. You and I can't have a relationship and this is so public."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4103", 
            "content": "(04/27/01)[\"The baby and the hamster.\"] I am holding a large guinea pig or hamster in a football hold in my left arm and a baby in the same hold in my right arm. I am seated on the very edge of a ledge that looks straight down a long distance to the ocean. I see some movie stars standing on another ledge several stories down. I see several people swimming in the ocean in black sleek wet suits. I pull back, afraid I will slip and fall. I also lay the baby and hamster further away from the edge so they won't be in danger. I realize that the woman who owns these creatures has secreted a message somewhere on the hamster. I think that is clever."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4104", 
            "content": "(05/08/01)[\"Traveling on the different side of the road.\"] I am getting into a car. I can't decide where the safest place to sit in the back is. I see three wooden chest drawers where the trunk ought to be. I slide one out and decide this could fall out with me in it. So I get in the rumble seat, open convertible seat. No back there. But then there is a back, so I stay there. I am with some other women. I had packed some things. Now the car is a open convertible black limo and I am in the back seat hanging onto the top of a black derby hat the driver is wearing. We are driving down the streets of London England. The buildings are high skyscrapers. There are many shelves filled with wares to buy along the front of the buildings. I am swiveling my head back and forth to try and see everything. I might want something to buy. A street hawker runs with us yelling \"water.\" Over and over. I see a paper in his hand with my name \"Barbara\" written on it. I smile as it is obvious he got the info off my license plate and is marketing to me. I say I already have enough water. He then changes his call to \"California water for sale\" and runs to another car. He calls the driver \"Mayor\" and I think that odd that he'd mistake the driver for the mayor. There is an odd extra strap of material on the top of the hat I can slide my hand into for more secure hold. One object I saw on the shelves was a beautiful rose pink glass bowl."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4105", 
            "content": "(05/09/01)[\"Racing the hidden track.\"] I am driving a car. I can't find the old race track. I start to drive in the field, and then find the old dirt track. I speed up for the curves, enjoying the speed and power and control of driving well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4106", 
            "content": "(05/10/01)[\"Chased by incest.\"] I am in a large house. There is a black man and a white man, football player types in a hot tub on the roof. I am very upset because the men in this house have constantly harassed and sexually incested me. I can't seem to escape them. They are laughing at me. I refuse to look at them. Another man comes by jeering or taunting me. I am exhausted with all this. I keep trying to walk into another room to be alone. They seem to follow me. I say to several of them. You have hurt me. It is wrong. Finally I acknowledge they have been hurt too. The black man's face suddenly becomes a darker black and I realize I've made him understand. He feels the pain."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4107", 
            "content": "(05/12/01)[\"Shyster.\"] My Grandma Maude is selling some arrogated water in bottles. She claims it has medicinal and special properties. I listen to her but don't believe it. I think she's selling regular water and making false claims. Then some man comes by with some involved theory about magnetic force. I am the teacher of a very large science class, maybe physics. The charlatan man has many of his supporters in the class to try and keep the discussion on proving his theory. I wear a long pastel colored flowing robe. I am in the back of the classroom and see some rolled up papers of his I touch them and they stick to my hand as I hurriedly try to put them back, regretting that I had touched them. He could then say I tampered with it. I rush out of there as a woman comes in there and I think she will look like she touched them instead of me. I walk to the front of the room to begin the discussion class. They pepper me with questions that are set up to lead to his conclusions. I am too smart for that and dodge the questions and redirect the discussion to normal physics and science issues I was teaching in the first place."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4108", 
            "content": "(05/13/01)[\"Weird shoes.\"] A man is making a special pair of boots or shoes for me. He puts insoles of bright yellow material in them. I take them up a long flight of stairs to my bedroom. I am changing my clothes to go out with the man. I open the closet to find an outfit. Lots of clothes. I can't decide if I should be dressy or casual. I choose a yellow long skirt and matching top of a kind of silky material. It is tight on me, showing my plumpness. I try on the boots. One, the right side, is very tiny. The yellow insoles come out easily. The left one is very large and the top of the boot is not sewn on. The insoles also come out. I walk downstairs and feel awkward and ugly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4109", 
            "content": "(05/16/01)[\"Fighting soldier.\"] A young man is a soldier. He belongs to a unit. However, the other soldier's in the unit seem to want to kill him. He climbs high up a cliff and sits in a small cave, with ammunition and weapons around himself to hide in. He is fully hidden by the pile of weapons around himself. Another soldier is there also, in support of him. I am sort of that soldier. The other soldiers shoot up at the cave, throwing hand grenades and explosives up there to kill the two. I catch them in my hand and throw them back at the others. One explodes in my hand. Causing some pain and damage, but we are managing to survive. Finally, a General intervenes and we are no longer the target. We are considered brave and heroes now. The soldier is given permission to visit his family and girlfriend who haven't heard from him in a long time, before being transferred to another battle."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4110", 
            "content": "(05/18/01)[\"Paul McCartney and me.\"] Paul McCartney and I are somewhere, I don't know if it is outdoors or indoors. A wooden platform, like bleacher seating is there. It must be after a concert. He and I are talking, flirting. He gives me some pills to chew. They are drugs. I begin to feel drowsy and happy, and a little guilty. He begins to kiss me and he wants us to make love. I am fine with that. I like him, I feel honored as he is such a famous guy and I like his music. I know this is a very practiced and normal thing for him and he will go away after it is over, but I don't care. We lie down on the wooden platform and begin to make love. Now the scene shifts to my business. It is after we've made love and I go in to see how things are going. I talk with a male employee. I then see that Paul McCartney is still there, still liking me. I am very surprised. He is staying with me. I am pleased."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4111", 
            "content": "(05/21/01)[\"Poetry meeting costs too much.\"] I am in a rec room or meeting room with a few people. We are the few remaining members of some club. Maybe a dream club or a poetry club. We are trying to figure out why we have so few members left. A man, like Bob van de Castle is there. A woman is seated on a couch. A board member, perhaps. She says she thinks the reason is that we've raised the club dues too high so the cost is prohibitive. People dropped out or lost interest. They decide to drop the fee level so people would be encouraged to come back. I ask Charla and her boyfriend to come read some poetry (dreams?) and then I am taking some trip down a hill \"back home\" to high school times. I also ask a woman poet if I can use one of her earlier poems to do something with. Maybe add a photograph or artistic expression to it. Maybe collaborate with her. She is hesitant. A good looking but aging man (dark Italian) comes up to \"me\" a beautiful woman in an evening dress and professes his life long love for me from many years past. He hugs me and still adores me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4112", 
            "content": "(05/21/01)[\"The brother returns.\"] A group of brothers are going to do acrobatic style tricks. They each travel in their special souped up car. Their brother from afar calls out to them. He called me says one brother, like he's got a lot of nerve to try and reconnect again after leaving them so long ago. The father turns and says Quit complaining. Welcome him. The brother chuckles and says, \"So much for natural consequences.\" They welcome the returning brother into their act again. They gather all wearing fancy black outfits and come into the area. They call themselves the Cousins. A group of women, the women cousins, come in too. I, the dream ego observes as these acrobatic people do complicated circle dances. (Now many members of the group.) As they flip and dance in unison moving in circle and counter clockwise inner circles, like the apertures of a camera lens moving to open and close. It is colorful, graceful and a big spectacle. The dream ego now seems to be a member of the dancing group, trying to think up routines for the group to display. An improv routine to keep the audience interested."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4113", 
            "content": "(05/24/01)[\"Kyle down the river.\"] I am in a room with Kyle and Lenny and Amelia and some woman, maybe Ellie. Kyle is angry and wants to take the children. I don't want him to do that. I am worried for the children. He insists. They leave. I follow. He gets into a rowboat with the children. I plead with him to not go down the river with them. He doesn't know what dangers may be there. He doesn't know the course of the river and what may lie ahead. He does it anyway. I run ahead and see that there is a waterfall ahead. I wait for Kyle. The boat comes down the river and I wade out to him, telling him about the waterfall and taking the kids off the boat. He is angry at me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4114", 
            "content": "(05/26/01)[\"Square box boat.\"] I row out to a square boat in a small rowboat. It is the ocean. I get on the square boat. It is high tech and automated. I decide it would be wise to keep my rowboat with me in case I need it in an emergency. I try to tie it up so it will trail along behind. I find some nails and hammer them into the floor of the square boat. I then see a glass vial. I must put the end of the rope in the vial and then wrap the rope around it and the nail. I am having trouble getting it to stay firm and safely strong enough. I look down a square open hole and see lots of boxes and things. I guess it is the place where I'll sleep and rest. Like the cabin. I sense someone else, a man is on board. I see a shadow pass when I look up from concentrating on getting the rope properly in the vial. The shadow creeps back behind a box. I finally manage to get the rope tied. I sit on the box and push a button. That will start the automatic process and we will go. I won't even have to steer."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4115", 
            "content": "(05/28/01)[\"Annoying people.\"] A large man talks a lot. I don't really like him. I notice I am bleeding from the vagina like I'm spotting. It has something to do with him talking so much. I think my lower half is naked. Some women come through, also talking and I am annoyed with them too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4116", 
            "content": "(05/29/01)[\"Stealing pretty things.\"] A man is working on some project involving little bits of things. A woman owns the store he is getting the bits from. He gives me some to make something with. I go outside and accidentally drop them. The scatter in a trail of tiny bits across the grass. I try and pick them up. They are colorful. Odd shapes. I also pick up some nicer ones like stones carved into animal shapes that I know must belong to the owner. I pick some of those up too. I like them. I feel a bit guilty. I should give them back to her. I go back into the store. She watches closely. I'm pretty sure she sees I have some of her things."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4117", 
            "head": "06/10/01", 
            "content": "My mother is in a manual wheelchair trying to move forward. I am in a funky white metal frame manual with four tiny wheels. I see Xmas decorations all over the floor. Like Xmas cards and tags and things. I push at them with my feet to clear a path for my mother. She starts to move forward and I am now standing, holding my chair upside down looking at the broken wheels. Now how am I going to be able to follow my mother, I wonder."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4118", 
            "head": "06/13/01", 
            "content": "Cary Grant and I are having a wonderful affair. He and I have a secret apartment we meet at. I am falling in love with another man. I take him to the apartment to have him meet Cary. Cary is in the apt. looking cute and silly like he does in his comedy movies. He opens the door and says, \"Why are the three of you just standing there in a line.\" Some woman is with us. He says that will give away where our secret apartment is. He is a little upset."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4119", 
            "head": "06/15/01", 
            "content": "I am working somewhere. The boss is cool and I don't enjoy being there. I am now crawling through drifts of snow. It is soft and dry. I touch it with my hands. I am surprised it is warm to the touch. Then the big boss, the owner, comes by. I am back in the office. He doesn't understand why things aren't working out well at work. I say give me $100,000 and I'll tell you. He agrees. I say they don't like the work they have to do. They are unhappy. I say give me $250,000 and I'll tell you more. He agrees. I say that one, my boss, lives on Long Island and the commute is long. He has a family with children and has hardly any time to be with them. I point to another worker. He needs a different kind of work that he understands and can do well. I continue explaining to the owner what he needs to do to make it better for his employees."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4120", 
            "content": "(06/17/01)[\"Alien caterpillars.\"] I see green algae grass with fuzzy caterpillars creeping across a door and into the room. An alien of some kind. I need to scrape it off somehow but I don't know how. I feel helpless and confused."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4121", 
            "head": "06/17/01", 
            "content": "I need to make a reservation on an airplane to leave immediately. I can't seem to find out where and how to do this. Bonnie is around somewhere. I see a group of people. One man is lying down on his side resting. It's like a MIUSA group. I am to teach a creative writing class. I tell about my stories and how I wrote them. I feel good about how I taught the class. Then as I walk away, a man complains. I return to hear him. He shows me a list of classic books he felt we should have studied. He showed me a handful of pills, big orange capsules and small round ones I didn't recognize and complained he'd gotten those to take during the class instead of two Tums usually given out. Meanwhile, during the class I had a baby to take care of as the people watched. I tried to get him to take a nap. I finally succeeded."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4122", 
            "content": "(06/19/01)[\"Tidal waves.\"] A convict is being escorted by a policeman. We are at the beach at the ocean. He tries to escape the car. I am standing on the beach and I see parts of the sand flowing like lava to the ocean. People and cars are being swept out to sea. I scramble to get more inland. I have to cross the sands that are flowing and am nearly swept away into the ocean. I get across, just barely. I and a woman and the convict get into the car and try driving up to dry land. The woman says my little girl, I have to get her. I don't want to, because it is dangerous for her. But I must. She bites her red polished fingernails. We find her and drive up and up. The entire coast is being swallowed up by the ocean. We end up on a mountain. We see a map of the world. A globe. We mention how the sea by Alaska or (unknown) have a very shallow (unknown). I am afraid."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4123", 
            "head": "06/20/01", 
            "content": "I am in a car and decide to drive through flooded area. Now I am swimming up and down a maze like series of channels to passionate Russian music. If someone else starts swimming the channel first, you have to wait or find another channel."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4124", 
            "head": "06/20/01", 
            "content": "I traveled to a resort hotel, maybe in Mexico with Bonnie and other woman friends. We are there to see a concert by some famous male singer. Bonnie keeps changing her elaborate costumes frequently. There are many stairs. Bonnie goes into a restroom. I step down the 2 stairs into it as Bonnie is saying maybe she can't manage the stairs. I see a line forming in the hall and realize if we don't get in line, we won't get in to see the concert. I say, let's get in line. I walk up flights of stairs wondering why I didn't take the elevator. Enselmo is around somewhere."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4125", 
            "head": "06/22/01", 
            "content": "I am in some radio station sitting on bleacher style seats with other people. A man sits on my left and tries to sit too close to me. I feel uncomfortable. Lots of activities going on, people talking and so on. I need to have a piece of paper signed. I walk up some stairs to a room. I see a desk with drawers and open them. I decide to take and keep some of the things in there. I figure its OK because no one seems to be there that owns them. I go to another room and try to talk with some very busy people to get them to sign my paper. They hardly have a moment to even listen. I finally get one man to sign it. I return to the radio station. I can hear the broadcast. I find my desk and open a drawer, the middle one. Some teen kids are in trouble and I want to help them. I see lots of wedges of red cabbage and forks, knives and spoons. I worry I will not be able to eat all that cabbage and it will spoil. I feel guilty about taking the forks and so on. I decide to take some back to where I got it. I find a plastic sack with cards I had bought. I am upset with myself I had bought them. A waste of money, I do that too often. I am mad at myself. I pack up the utensils to take back, keeping a few for my own use."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4126", 
            "head": "06/23/01", 
            "content": "Howard and I are being together again. I ask him how his day went. I am aware that I haven't asked that question for many years. He is cleaning up some papers from work. I help him. It is friendly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4127", 
            "head": "06/23/01", 
            "content": "I live in a house with lots of clothes and things lying untidily on the floor and furniture. I am looking around for Fluffy. I suddenly realize I'd nearly stepped on Bootsie. I hadn't seen her as she was curled up on some clothes. Bonnie visits. I show her I'd been looking at some photos she'd given me in clear plastic frames. One 8 by 10 of an old man I don't know. I wonder where I will hang these. I don't want to hang the one of the man I don't know. I tell Bonnie I'd been looking at the photos. I feel a bit guilty. It's taken me so long. Then Bonnie opens the blinds on a back window. I am surprised as she had a movie poster and some little ornaments. I didn't want her to do that. But I look out the window at the back yard. I am surprised to see that there is a caged area full of chickens and sheep and a llama. These are my neighbors animals but obviously in my backyard. I had thought my backyard ended much before this. Then I look back in the room and see Bootsie curled up. I see her left back foot is very swollen and she is in pain. I am concerned. I feel terrible. I must have stepped on her and caused this injury. I pick her up gently and pet her, checking out the foot more carefully. I see her face is pink from loss of fur. I feel very badly for her and am determined to help her heal."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4128", 
            "head": "06/23/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house. Apparently I rent several rooms to foreign ambassadors. I am very negligent in keeping things clean. I also hardly ever interact with the ambassadors. I regret that now, wishing I'd made more of an effort to get to know them. I must seem very distant and unfriendly to them. I have trouble sorting out piles of paper and parts that have something to do with computers. I try and clean up a machine I hurriedly place a fresh aerosol can of something on a shelf in the new ambassadors room. It is behind something, so it isn't easy for them to notice and find. I wish I'd done that better."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4129", 
            "content": "(06/25/01)[\"Stay of execution indictment.\"] I only have 2 hours to live before I am executed. I find it shocking to imagine not existing anymore. I feel fear. I must present myself to the court for my execution. I walk there. A woman lawyer says to me, you can file a stay of execution indictment and they have to hear the appeal. I almost off handedly say Oh, I don't know. I mean the thing is already scheduled and I don't want to upset anything. Then it occurs to me that not dying might be a good thing anyway. Then I feel a bit of remote resentment that my \"crime\" was merely to be invaded in my home by other people like a burglar. It didn't seem fair. So I finally agree to file the indictment. Then some children with red hair want to go to the movies. The smallest doesn't. I vaguely think going to a movie would be fun, since I'm not going to die. But I tell the child he can go home. I send one of the other kids to walk with him home. Then after they leave I realize that would leave the child alone. So I go and watch him and give up the movie."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4130", 
            "head": "06/26/01", 
            "content": "We had created a defense robot that was so good I couldn't protect myself from it. I am shooting laser beams at it and the beams ricochet off his head and around the room. I duck and barely avoid being killed. I figure out its weakest spot behind him shooting at his spine down its pants. I fire and kill it. I am relieved."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4131", 
            "head": "06/26/01", 
            "content": "I am walking into a filled auditorium from the back. I am to teach a performance class. The crowd is excited. I get onstage and begin to teach doing performance to keep it interesting. I use a mike. I get word that I am to fly with a pilot to Germany for a drop. A woman notices the pilot is my boyfriend and she threatens to tell the commander. I order her not to so that when she tells on me, I can get her in trouble. She doesn't care. She knocks (raps) on the commander's door. I let her, knowing I can get her in trouble later. This is the night shift of the performance class. There is a day shift as well. I teach a class on army scheduling of health runs to the war zone. I use performance as a method of getting information across."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4132", 
            "head": "06/26/01", 
            "content": "Merle and I are in a swim pool. I don't want him to revive his desire to have a relationship. I try to avoid him. It hurts his feelings, but he manages it. He doesn't pursue the relationship stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4133", 
            "head": "06/27/01", 
            "content": "I am in a building, a bar or performance area. I see two women who are part of an improv group performing. They are good. I walk up some stairs to see them. They suggest we walk across the street to go into a gift/drug store. They start walking with more people up the street. I cross the street, wondering if I misunderstood where we were going. They realize I was right and swing across the street. We go in, and split up to look at different sections. I say I'll go look at the light fixtures and things. I see some Xmas decorations on a turn around rack. Then I'm talking with a man about a plumber. They want me to sign up for their construction company. I become aware they (like the women) are Saturday Market types. I am hesitant to sign with them. I keep asking questions about prices and services. They insist I have to sign up right away. I want more time to consider. I start to walk back to the original place. I see a woman on a bench and I sit by her. She starts talking about her friend and her had raised Jake and Dwight. She did not understand why their mom left them. I get angry and touchy. I say in righteous haughtier, do you mean me? The mother of Jake and Dwight? You don't understand why I had to leave them? She looks at me with disgust. I don't see why you left them to be raised by others. I indignantly show her my hands. I had severe RA. I say. Probably faking it, she sniffed. Then she sees my hands and looks startled. Now she believes me. I get up and stalk off angry. I am back at the music bar. A man comes in to tell me the names of the 2 plumbers who will work my job. Scott D. someone and another man. I recognize them as Saturday Market people. I feel very rushed into this and unsure they will be fair, honest or dependable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4134", 
            "content": "(06/27/01)[\"Vampires.\"] I am talking to someone on the phone. I feel a bite on my arm and see a small circle with an \"x\" in it on my arm. I realize with foreboding that I have been bitten by a vampire. I tell the woman (possibly Anastasia) this happened. I say I am now a vampire forever. I didn't want this. She insists. I call and find out how to cancel out being a vampire. Now I am standing with a group of people saying to the handsome dark haired vampire man, \"but you see, I didn't get a chance to say no to the subscription of the vampire club.\" He says in a smooth sinister voice that all rules were announced and if I was bitten then I must have accepted the rules. They can't be changed. I say but I never heard the rules. He repeats himself and we go into a verbal loop of repetition. I say, this is like the army. He stands very close, very seductive. I shutter and move my neck away from him. He laughs at me. He finally agrees I will be unvampired. A woman plays the recording of my phone conversation and I have to agree I sounded dumb about vampires, but I don't want to be one."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4135", 
            "head": "06/28/01", 
            "content": "I am watching a man, a spy going through tunnels which are like travel portals. He is rescuing a small black girl, a toddler. However, he becomes more concerned about the book he is reading and loses track of the girl and her safety. He calls me and my unit over and gives us instruction for what we need to do to get info back safely. The enemy spies are hot on our trails. We must use a number 2 pencil. We do the info exchange practically under the enemy spies noses. It is tricky. As we are changing our clothes the spies are knocking on our door. It is important we get all these clothes changed before the spies see us. I rush to the door and push them back outside talking fast to give the other woman spy time to change. Then I let them in. They ask to see my computer. I let them. Then another woman comes in and eats a piece of cheese. We secretly shake hands as that was the final part of the sequence. We were successful. The enemy spy, thinking we had mailed something shows us his secret mail device which finds secret mail. We pretend concern. He thinks he's on the right trail."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4136", 
            "head": "07/01/01", 
            "content": "I need to pee. I find a room, only Dwight walks in and wants to pee. He goes to another room. Then Valerie is around. She seems upset about something. The way our family is. I am surprised she does try and talk to me nicely. I start to walk past the room Dwight is using. He says don't come here. I say It's OK. I won't."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4137", 
            "head": "07/01/01", 
            "content": "I am in an apartment. There is a baby girl sleeping in another room. I am standing in a dining room with Charla. I look out the window and see a huge black tornado funnel. It looks like it could come our way. I tell Charla. I then see there is another one on the left. I say it might hit us here. Charla and I watch as it approaches. Get under the table I say as it is obvious it will hit us. I worry about the baby girl but think she's safe so far away from the window. The tornado hits and I hear breaking glass. Fortunately the dining table protects us from getting hit by flying glass. After it is over, we get up and walk outside. I am picking small shards of glass out of my hand and arm on my left side. I'd picked them up as I moved through the broken glass on the floor to get up. They hurt but it is not serious damage."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4138", 
            "head": "07/04/01", 
            "content": "I am at a beach. We are looking for a place to build a fire. After traveling (walking) for quite a while, we find a long sandy beach with a cave. That seems to be important. So we begin to build a fire. Small twigs and wet grasses we gather from the beach. I find a small branch maybe 4 inches in diameter. Then someone adds papers. We light the fire. It goes well. I was worried the wet grass would make the fire not work. (Something about a case of Pepsi.)"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4139", 
            "content": "(07/08/01)[\"Mean residents.\"] I am moving into some large house where lots of people live. Like an orphanage or Care Home. I am outside and see windows and doors and say I'll go in here. The person with me says, no, those ways in are blocked. Come this way. We go around to the front door and enter. It is a very old and crowded . Dark wood furniture. I am told to sit in a small space against the wall with the Windows. I am in a wheelchair. No one speaks to me. I hear them talking with each other. In Spanish. I understand Spanish but decide not to let them know because they are talking about me. They are tricking me by not telling me things I need to know, or telling me the wrong things. I go along for awhile. They don't smile and they don't like me. In the dining room, they get their food and leave me to figure it out on my own. Finally, I answer in Spanish and they realize I'd heard everything they said."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4140", 
            "content": "(07/10/01)[\"Blind man and the baby.\"] I am in my van. I am moving with my \"partner\" a blind man, and the four children. He is out of the van with three small children and I am in the van holding a baby on my shoulder. I can't get out. And the blind man is crouched on the ground trying to keep the children with him and know where they are. He needs help too. I look around for someone to ask to help. Some disinterested residents are nearby but they don't help. I feel a bit frustrated and annoyed. I try to get the lift to work so I can go help. The lift comes down crooked and I call out for them to help me. They walk slowly and are not helpful. I am angry now. I tell them how to fix the lift when they say they can't do it. I finally get out of the van. What a frustrating day."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4141", 
            "content": "(07/12/01)[\"Paulina mad at me.\"] I am in a bed, in some public building. Maybe an apartment. I have a sack with Paulina's birthday present in it, two of them in fact. I hide them behind my back with the pillows. I call to Paulina to come see her Birthday present. She is angry at me and doesn't listen to what I'm saying. She comes in the window and complains about what I've done that she doesn't like. Finally I get defensive and angry and say she can't have her present. She says she doesn't care. It is unpleasant."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4142", 
            "content": "(07/12/01)[\"Meeting a man.\"] I am dressing up to go to a single's group. We are seated by age so we will be around others of our own age. I think I look presentable and enter the room. I tell them I am 57 years old. I sit down. A man is seated in the row behind me. The announcer says to connect with someone near you. He leans his head near mine. I decide to chance it and lean back so that our heads touch. He is very happy. Now he is holding my hand and we are seated next to each other. His arm and hand are very muscled and strong. It feels reassuring and good. Apparently he's decided we are a couple. I think this might work out, so I go along with it. Then a woman comes in, someone I'd been angry with because of her behavior. She ruined a project I was in once. I see her and decide to forgive her. The man is very pleased and impressed with my good attitude. She and I begin talking of some video projects she has going. She says a video for school children. I say great. That would be fun. She says the M City Fire department is going to do a video for the school children. I could be in that one. I agree, saying I have a great niece and nephew in M City."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4143", 
            "head": "07/12/01", 
            "content": "I am with a group of people being held by some mysterious group, maybe like the Nazi's. I want to escape. I write out a list of those who had gone before me. I am documenting things as they happened before I forget. I write the list of those who died and therefore left in a bad way. Rosalie is on the list. A deaf man is another. I also write a list of those who successfully left for good reasons. To find a home, and so on. I see the list of those who remain is small and I \"Barbara\" am the last one on the list, as I am younger than the others."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4144", 
            "content": "(07/13/01)[\"Gaston and me.\"] Gaston comes over to visit. I have never seen this place before, in waking life. Gaston is fixing us something good to eat. He is also very affectionate. I contemplate making love to him. I seems a nice thing to do. We kiss and are affectionate. Then Gaston bends over and places his genital area near my face. I tell him I don't like that. He says OK. And we return to the affectionate stuff."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4145", 
            "content": "(07/13/01)[\"Hector and me on his graduation day.\"] I heard that Hector is having his last class in school as today is graduation day. I decide I want to visit him and say hello and congratulations. I drive to the school. It is some small town, like M City. I see a woman I know who I owe money to. I pay her back. Two things done at the same time. That feels good. I enter the school building and pass three or four doors to classrooms. I am not sure which one to enter. I see the office area and ask a man at the desk. He walks me to the classroom and uses an odd reaching device to pull open the door for me. I thank him saying that's a neat device. He apologizes there wasn't a more accessible door for me. I enter a long room about the size of a small gym. The class is seated way in the front. The spectators are in the back. I park my wheelchair in the spectator line. I see the teacher, who is famous for his excellent teaching lecturing. He is talking about Native Americans. Apparently Hector is Native American. A class of elementary school children listen and then leave. Another group comes in. They are seated along the side wall on the bleachers. More spectators come in. I see the teacher is wearing an Elizabethan gown and tights. He is wearing his PHD costume. A pleasant friendly man on my right places his hand gently on my shoulder. I like that. I feel loved. I watch and look for Hector. I finally see him in a grey blue checkered shirt and wearing earphones on his head. He's listening to music as the teacher is lecturing. I smile at him, not sure if he sees me or not. Now I stand up on the side wall area, in front of my wheelchair. Small children are playing at my feet, rolling through me legs and giggling. I smile at them and smile at Hector. The teacher hands some papers to the students and they pass the pick flyer around. He asks them to read the poem on it. Each student reads a line from the poem. It is a nice poem. Something about the moon. Hector gets elbowed by another student and takes his earphones off and reads a line. He smiles at me. It is a pleasant dream. I feel great respect for the teacher and affection for Hector on their graduation day. Apparently the teacher is retiring and this is his last day too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4146", 
            "content": "(07/14/01)[\"Ginny and Charla.\"] I am visiting somewhere, maybe a motel or resort. Ginny and Charla are outside lying in the grass sunbathing. I am trying to pack up things. Then I see Ginny and several people standing inside another room. They are about to try some physical trick, like shooting something and hitting a target. I pretend I am some kind of observer. I am in a small life raft in a tiny pool of water. I am lying on the raft and smash up to the wall near them. Then I paddle back because they aren't doing anything yet. I smash up against the other wall and turn and approach them again. This keeps repeating. I say outloud I hope this doesn't change the test results. I feel like I'm spying and very obvious which will change the activity and therefore the results."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4147", 
            "content": "(07/15/01)[\"Fire breathing villain is me.\"] I the dream ego is watching as \"I\" am standing in front of a bleacher full of people. I see that \"I\" have flames in my mouth and lungs. I am amazed I can survive that. Some special protective stuff I probably used, or experience and spray these flames onto the people. They are killed. I then stand in the center of where the fire burned originally as the flames spread out killing others. I am safe in the black charred remains of the burnt area. Now the authorities are after me. Someone is nice and opens a curtain for me to slip through. I am now backstage. Blocked. I see a tall curtain and see a rip in the end seam. I crawl into the curtain rather than behind it. The authorities come and check that area. I can see their shapes through the curtain. I lean back when they feel the area I am in. They somehow miss me. They leave. Then I escape unharmed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4148", 
            "content": "(07/16/01)[\"Carrying the cat.\"] I am making a clay figure of a head. I put two of them in a cup of water. I pick one up out of the water and find the strands of hair from the back of the head (clay hair) have come off. I am trying to clean up my work area. I get out of the high wheelchair and sit at a regular work chair at the table. It is more comfortable that way. I walk outside holding a cat in my arms. We are walking up a street and I see the beginnings of the parade lining up. We are going against traffic. I go too far. I was looking for the street that turns left to go get breakfast. I turn around and retrace my steps to the correct street."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4149", 
            "content": "(07/21/01)[\"Curly headed.\"] I am riding a very powerful frisky horse down a very crowded street. A parade is forming. Now I am returning against the traffic. It is exhilarating to keep the horse in check from all the stimulus going on. My hair is permed in lots of soft ringlet curls. It sticks out all over like an Afro. I am looking for curlers to help smooth the curls down a bit. I find a few small ones, but can't find the rest of them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4150", 
            "head": "07/23/01", 
            "content": "Paulina, Lance, Charla and I and others are visiting someone's house. We had stayed overnight and it is time to get up early and pack, fix breakfast and leave. I walk out of the bedroom, seeing Charla's feet under some blankets in another room, in a bed. She is snoring. There is a high step from one room to the other that is hard for me to negotiate. I go to the kitchen. Paulina is already there. I am trying to cook some scrambled eggs. I have layers of newspaper over the burners that I had turned on. Now I am digging them off the surface worried I've started a fire. Many layers, never ending. Then I find the red-hot burner and put the small frying pan on it. I stir the mess which is thick eggs. I am also cleaning up as I go. Lance has moved some cabinets with drawers in them across the entrance to the kitchen. I ask him how I am supposed to get out of the room. He then sees my way is blocked and tries to fix it. I put some nuts I'd been eating into what I thought was the garbage can. I realize it is a huge can of peanuts that aren't yet eaten. I try to remember I need to clean my mess up. I go back to the bedroom and see Paulina has already been there packing up my things. I see a pile of magazines which I'd checked out of the library. I realize I've mixed up some of my aunt's magazines with this pile and am having a hard time separating out theirs from the library ones. I wonder why I went to the library and checked them out if we had such a limited time to read as we are leaving soon. Now I notice that there is a terrible hurricane coming up. I call out to everyone to go to the cellar. Charla is asleep. I go to her and finally have to pick her up and carry her as she wouldn't wake up. My grown son who is gay and his fiancee are there, after the winds and rain die down. The fiance's parents are there and have written a check for $273 dollars for their wedding gift. I and my husband (or Lance) are worried our gift isn't nearly as generous even though it is all we can afford. He wants to write a bigger check. I say no, I think we gave $100 or $150. It is fine. Even though I feel guilty."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4151", 
            "head": "07/24/01", 
            "content": "I am watching as a young gentleman and a young man set off on a mysterious journey. There are unknown hazards and witchcraft. They are initiates. The woman doesn't know what to look for. She doesn't understand. The man sees a woman in a golden shape that is like a cage. Then the woman stands in the burning coals and flames. The man goes into it to be with her. He wants to kiss her. She resists and the man backs her gently into a corner and kisses her. They step out of the flames. An older woman or witch tells them to park their bicycle in a particular spot. He wants to park where he can get a better view so he can understand what's going on. The woman is now outside sort of in a trance. A spirit comes by. The man/me looks out the window tentatively. The spirit turns out to be a \"grandma.\" She stands near the door."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4152", 
            "head": "07/25/01", 
            "content": "I am preparing a performance. I write a story or script. I choose to make my own part fairly small so the memorization won't be too much work or pressure. I am now going in to a public bathroom. A boy stands behind me, hiding under my skirts. He and I walk in tandem so no one will know he's there. We wear some kind of weird braces on our feet. As we go into the disabled stall, some woman is outraged and says \"The nerve.\" She's not disabled. Then another woman is suspicious I'm sneaking a man into the bathroom and we might have sex. I laugh. The boy is a brother. A sister is nearby. Now I am preparing to rehearse the script with \"my man.\" He has shoulder length black hair. I want him to nonchalantly enter and go to the band leader's stand and slowly take the music, being a drummer, and making the music go from slow to wild and rhythmic. The band is rehearsing. I say to the drummer (up at the top of the bleachers) try to play wimpy so he has something to build from. He laughs. Him play wimpy?? But he tries, for me. Now I am looking in a mirror with my \"man.\" I want him to comb his hair different. I suggest a side part, like I do with my hair. He can't seem to get it combed that way. I help him. As we brush his hair to the side, it turns blue and his face turns blue. It's a nice muted color but we agree his hair looks better than the way it was originally."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4153", 
            "head": "07/28/01", 
            "content": "A plane is loading its passengers. I am the last in line. I wait. The Queen from some foreign country is on board. She is dying. I am upset with her for allowing her people to be uncomfortable just for her convenience. I patiently wait and finally it is time for me to roll on board. I am taken to the very last seat. It's wheelchair accessible. Now I am called to visit the Queen. I go to the front of the plane to the private room the Queen is in. She is veiled. I say shame on you for causing harm to your people for your own selfish reasons. She wearily pulls off her veil. I see two sets of blue eyes. She asks me my name. I tell her. She asks me to print it out for her. I do. My full name. She fills out a paper and names me the new Queen when she dies. She is happy with her choice as I will take good care of her people. Then I see a small baby rolling off a shelf. She seems to be OK. The maid comes in. I had used the commode and she concentrates on cleaning the commode. The Queen chides her for paying attention to the mundane when the momentous occasion of her death and the new Queen is more important. Then the Queen does and I go out to see the Prime Minister who is ready to take over. He is shocked to discover I am officially the new Queen. The Queen and I before she died spent some time talking about the country. Is it poor? Yes. What resources are there? Rocks. Then we'll make the world love rocks. I have good plans to make life better for the people."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4154", 
            "head": "07/28/01", 
            "content": "I am traveling to California to go to a surfing college. I get there and can't find the actual buildings. I am frustrated and keep searching. A young man is with me. I am pretty and college age. I decide to find a better collage. I search Louisiana, Connecticut etc. to find a good college. I want better knowledge."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4155", 
            "head": "07/29/01", 
            "content": "I am in a square bus. Men keep coming in. Gaston sits across from me. He acts silly. I keep trying to keep these men out but they keep coming back in. I feel scared of them. They mean me harm. I ask the bus driver to help me, but he's one of them. I realize they are aliens in human form. I am very afraid. I try to escape them. They follow me out of the bus. They are surrounding me. I feel terror. I wake up, afraid. Nightmare."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4156", 
            "head": "07/29/01", 
            "content": "I am at a school. A square cloth on the ground is my room. I am picking up the clothes and folding them to clean and organize them. The rival school come and tell us we are being poisoned by our water. An animal died in the water pipes and is rotting in there. We need to clean the water. A man asks us if we have a safety person. We say we don't. He is shocked and concerned. We agree finally we will get one to protect the children. Two children are to be in a boxing match and they are prevailed upon to rinse their hands in clean water before they fight. We finally understand this is important for our health and comply."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4157", 
            "head": "07/29/01", 
            "content": "I come to visit my mother who lies very ill in her house. I go outside to get something from the camper van. I go in there and a small boy is napping in there. Paulina's boy and Paulina is off doing something this morning. He wakes up very glad to see us. We go outside and walk in the thick snow. He runs and laughs and falls on his back. I help him up and a yellow dog rushes up to us playfully and the dog frolics around me. I pet it. Then Valerie comes up. We go to the back of the van. I open it, looking at the piles of books and dream program notes. I go into the van camper with Valerie (sister-in-law). I start to sob about my mother. I reach out my hand and we hold hands sympathetically. She says I'd go visit her but the house smells. I say my mother's so ill and my father never does that well cleaning and Sally doesn't come very often. I think to myself that Valerie could come over and clean it up if it was so bad for her. But I don't say it. Now we walk back to the house the snow is gone. I ask where it went. It melted away so fast. I am near the door and am happily shocked to see my mother up and smiling and laughing. It is wonderful to see her like that. I wonder now she can do that as she is very ill. She darts around manic happy. Then I see her vomit blood into a long slim glass vial with round series of bubbleglass in it. I realize she is still very ill but somehow is managing this energetic happiness. She says we all need to move in with her because then she will be happy. I hesitate and say No. I can't move in. It feels like a no win situation. A trap."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4158", 
            "content": "(07/31/01)[\"Under the island.\"] I am with a group of people. We are a unit, like a soldiers unit. We are on an Island. Then we are under the island in a submarine. The enemy is bombing and we are going under the island to escape. I look up to see the flat under part of the land. Then the enemy gets us and we are trying to escape. We are outside the submarine almost tied to it's side. We hang on as best we can. We survive but it is a long ordeal."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4159", 
            "content": "(07/31/01)[\"Paulina's bookstore.\"] Dovre and I are in a room of Paulina's Bookstore. It is a mess and we are trying to help her clean it up. We are picking up books off the floor. Dovre finds two of them she wants to keep. I take them to another room where Paulina is and ask her if Dovre and I can keep these books. I feel guilty because we aren't offering to pay her for them. She nods, but I decide to put them back on the table to be sold. I ask her which table. She says the \"B's.\" I look at one table. She says no. I look at the next table. She says no, then I see they are in alphabetical order and find the \"B\" table. I straighten up some newspapers laying on the books and find a place for them. They are slim volumes and are almost covered or lost next to the larger books."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4160", 
            "content": "(08/01/01)[\"Fabulous pool in the motel room.\"] I and Charla and Ginny are staying at a motel. I wake up in the morning and go to the next room to see if Ginny has left yet. She has not. Another couple of children, including a young girl are with her, so she will be staying for awhile. We decide to have a big breakfast. I order a stack of pancakes. For some reason I don't eat them. It might make me feel bad. Then Rochelle is there in her wheelchair. Her hair is styled very nicely. I remark how nice she always looks. The young girl is trying to talk to her and she doesn't notice she is there. I point her out to Rochelle so she won't accidentally run over her. Then I notice a huge swimming pool in another room. I dive in boots, jeans and all and splash around with the kids. The pool turns into a playing field with lots of water on it. After we are done playing, I go into yet another room and see Rochelle in a purple pretty nightgown, only she must weigh 300 pounds now. She sits in a bathtub, but with no water in it. She asks me to splash some water onto her like we were doing in the play field. She has another favor to ask me but never finishes asking it. I stand there waiting, but she just stops speaking. I then go look out a window and see below a huge bedroom. It is the bedroom of the King. He bed itself is huge. The pillows are bigger than a person and take up half the bed. A train of sorts like on formal dresses is trailing from the bed a long distance. I see bishops and cardinals coming in and watch as they do the ritual putting on of robes and red colorful shawls and things. The King is standing to one side talking with an attendant. I realize I am watching a play. I remember this play from another time. I see people walking under the huge bedside table. They look like little dolls next to the tall legs of the table. I listen to the words and can't decide if this is a play I saw before or another play. I decide it is a different play, but written by the same author. The bride of the King is missing, perhaps run away. I see hangings on the wall that tell me that. It's fun to be peaking at this spectacle from the high window. Then I turn and look back into our room. Charla has decided to go up into an attic through the trap door. She rummages around and the door is shut. I get worried and call to her to come back down. She does so, finally, with a loud bump of the door slamming shut after her."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4161", 
            "content": "(08/02/01)[\"Varnishing the painting.\"] I am in a one room apartment. I want to finish up some projects that have been laying around the place for a long time. I see a painting of a man's face. I dip it in varnish, not only the frame, but the entire painting. Then I hold it upside down to let the excess varnish drip off. It feels good to finish a project. I try and sit in the one chair, a modern looking reclining chair. But there are plants draped all around it from hanging plants above it. I pull away some chunks of dead plants to make room for me. I sit there looking at the completely cleared off counters along the wall. I haven't seen it cleared off in years. Now the door flies open. A young girl comes in and three dogs with her. More dogs are in the hall outside. I try to talk her into leaving again, and taking her dogs with her. But she sees my kittens and wants to play with them. I step out into the hall and see lots of people. Ginny and I are going to drive away down the hall in a car, but it is crowded."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4162", 
            "content": "(08/02/01)[\"Going to Alaska.\"] I am cleaning up, putting things I want to fix in a pile. A jacket with a torn pocket. Ginny comes in and as I am moving things, she helps. I see she put the things in a suitcase. My large black one. I say no, I need that suitcase to pack for Alaska. So I start to take the things out, fat bottle brushes, empty mason jars, clothes and so on. I go back into my room and into the walk in closet. I choose clothes, asking Ginny should I take this jacket, (the one needing a rip in the pocket fixed). She says no. I say it could get cold there, it is Alaska, after all. She says I won't need the jacket. I choose a few outfits and pack them into the suitcase. Then I find the suitcase I'd used the last time I traveled to Alaska. Some books and papers and projects there I could work on. I pack them too."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4163", 
            "content": "(08/02/01)[\"Gay men and the contest..\"] Two gorgeous men, one George Hamilton, tanned, black hair, well muscled and gay. They are in one of their apartments. They are in competition with each other. They look in the mirror and fuss with their appearance. George decides to make a batch of extremely hot chili. He had to practice eating it so he could survive it. His face looks ashen and grey from the extreme heat of the chili. He then takes off a face mask cosmetic thing and looks better. He is smirking because he knows he'll win this contest. Then the other gay man asks if he has any dresses. He says of course. The other man says where are they? George points to a door. The other man says I don't know which way. So George sighs and walks over to the door and opens it. He points to the right where dresses are hanging. I see the corner of a pink printed one. The man goes in to investigate."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4164", 
            "content": "(08/03/01)[\"Fluffy dying.\"] I am in my bed at the 40th street house. Fluffy rockets in and leaps on my chest to try and grab at some yellow stick pins in the wall holding up a large butcher paper drawing. I grab her and take the pins out of her mouth before she swallows them. I am distressed. She is dying. She leaps off the bed and races upside down on the ceiling. I am very surprised at this. Then she leaps to the floor and pushes herself violently against a large crib on the left side of the room. She is on her back and I see her anus poke out and a carrot like object come out and back in. I realize she is dying and feel sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4165", 
            "content": "(08/03/01)[\"Dover State University.\"] I have decided to go back to school to take classes on dreams. I am in the halls. A short man comes by and asks me if I need help. He is a representative of the disabled student unit there. I go with him to his office. His name is Beirdy or something like that. He offers help. Then I go down another hall and find a catalog of classes. It has a small pamphlet with insert pages in it, on brown recycled paper. Very cheaply done. But economical. I realize I've chosen to take a general psychology class and wonder if this will have the right kind of information in it. I begin to doubt my decision to return to school. Jake is around somewhere. I go out to find my van. It is parked on the street. I get into it and see a note from a parking meter person saying they were going to ticket me for illegally parking, but they saw in what bad shape the van is in and took pity on me assuming I couldn't afford to fix the van. I was thankful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4166", 
            "content": "(08/03/01)[\"Home with Mom and Dad.\"] I am at a house I've never seen before in waking life. It is supposedly my parents' house. Long and rambling. I am at the back door which is opened. It has been several days of bad weather and the snow is piled up around the door and on the floor in the hall area at the door so that the bathroom door is blocked with snow. I see the rain and snow has stopped. Charla is outside with some of her friends. I sit down on the snow bank on the floor inside the house and I kick at the melting snow outside. It causes chunks to roll down the steep hill and finally I clear out all the snow this way. A friend of Charla's then goes into the bathroom. Now I stand and use a shovel to clear away stones and silt that is many inches think all over the floor in the room. From the floods. I shovel and shovel. Then I decide I'd better get my parents' permission because I'm just shoveling it out the door, black plastic pieces in it and all. Making a mess out there. I walk over the stony floor to the next room and through that room to another one on the right and down a step. I see a dining room table and my parents are talking with a couple. They look up and say this is private business. I apologize and leave the room to wait. The couple comes out talking about some real estate deal in Vancouver my parents are trying to convince them to buy. I go back in the room. My mother is not there. My father is and Dwight and a Doctor. He has the results of my blood test. He speaks but I can't understand him. I tell him to repeat it because I am deaf in my left ear. He is annoyed and walks over near my right ear. I continue to have trouble hearing him. He says the blood levels are low. I say is that good or bad? He says something about the Orphan Syndrome and low blood levels are a good sign that my Orphan Syndrome isn't too bad. He is referring to how I was raised as a child. I am relieved it is good. But unclear what it is and can't get the right information because he's too annoyed with me. I am frustrated."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4167", 
            "content": "(08/04/01)[\"Expanding the building.\"] I go into a building. I need to speak to a man in a particular department. I enter the main lobby. I want to write a note to him. I find many sticky yellow sheets of paper and try to find one which hasn't already been written on, on both sides. I can't find one after searching diligently for a long time. I write down 1 A2 on an already used paper. I try to go up an elevator but it is wobbly and I am worried it will break. I go back out realizing the building is not safe and needs fixing. I get into my van and proceed to drive up the tunnels in the building. The tunnel is white, rounded and narrow and going up. As I drive, I realize I am creating a better situation. The tunnels are now more wide and easy to go through. The building structure itself is stronger and better built. I feel nervous in the narrow tunnel as I drive quickly up to the top. I get out and go back to the lobby. Not many people there. I take the elevator again. The window screen seems wobbly and I stand away from it, nervous it will fall open and I will fall out. Then the elevator stops. I try and push buttons to get it to go up to the 5th floor and then we can go back down to the 4th, which is the floor I want. I works and I get off at the 4th floor. I notice no one is in the waiting room, still thin of company. I feel slightly uppity about that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4168", 
            "content": "(08/05/01)[\"Rosie O'Donnell.\"] I am teaching a class. There are three adult students left to do their final work for the day. They are lying on a couch/bed. It is the end of the afternoon and I want to finish the day of work. I ask Rosie O'Donnell a question. She seems to be unconscious. I shake her to wake her. She doesn't wake up. I look at her more closely. There are words appearing on her skin, like she is answering the question or talking in writing. Meanwhile a student like Mateo asks permission to go to the bathroom. I am annoyed because he wears a glove like paint (blue and white) on his hand and he is waving his hand up in the air. I realize later this meant he wasn't coming back. I continue to try and wake Rosie who remains unconscious. I am frustrated."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4169", 
            "content": "(08/06/01)[\"Boxing the invisible ghost.\"] I sense an old ghost in a room. It pushes down a green cat figurine off a shelf and it breaks. I get angry and tell him not to do that again. He comes at me and I begin to box with him, punching him out. It I realize, looks strange to others as the ghost is invisible. I feel good that I knocked him about so well."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4170", 
            "content": "(08/08/01)[\"Tragic shooting.\"] Charla comes downstairs and says Uncle Jake killed Dwight and wounded her. I am shocked. I am in a trance like condition from the shock and sorrow. Hours pass. I am in a kitchen. I realize I should be calling 911. I dial. I tell them, but I am crying so hard that It is hard to get it out. I hang up and wait. Then I realize that I forgot to tell them my address. I call 911 again. I tell them the address, crying again. I hang up. I wait. Then I realize I should go look and see if it is true. I go upstairs to my bedroom and partially open the door. It can't be opened fully, because Jake's body lies in the way. I see he is dead. I go back downstairs to Dwight's bedroom. I see he is dead. I go back to the kitchen and ask Charla to show her wound. She shows me two healed scars where a bullet went through just below her knee from the back to the front. Now I walk into the living room. People are arriving, to ask questions. I tell them they can move back the couch from the desk, which is in the center of the room. They do so and ask me questions. I answer from a stunned sorrow."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4171", 
            "head": "08/09/01", 
            "content": "I am in the back seat of a car. A couple, both with dark hair are my friends. The man is driving and the woman and I are in the backseat. We are near an ocean. I see on the left side of the road the huge prow of a ship coming up on land. 3 or 4 people are trying desperately to avoid being run over. I notice a key ring with 2 keys in my hand. I suddenly remember I hadn't taken my pills the night before or this morning. I have a moment of fear about that. I remind myself to take them when we arrive at our destination. I think its' the day (Thurs.) to eat the oatmeal but it is only Tuesday. We now turn off the coast highway and drive down hill on a small road, past other houses and so on to a house that the couple just bought. The woman watches my face for my expression. She's excited about me liking the house. I am curious and get out of the car. A small boy (theirs) is there. When the mom isn't looking, he sneaks a swig off my coke bottle. We smile and laugh together."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4172", 
            "content": "(08/10/01)[\"Telling the truth can be dangerous.\"] I am in a class. Ex-president Bill Clinton is the teacher. I ask him a question which he has trouble answering. He hems and hahs and searches through books and papers. I have put him on the spot, embarrassed him. Later, I am searching through the box to find my pills. There are a number of them but not enough of the right kind. (coumadin 2.5's) I sigh and feel worried. Then Bill asks a question of a woman student who didn't know the answer. I realize it is a trick question calculated to embarrass her. Revenge. I answer for her and quietly but with firm intent I respond to something he said with \"Obviously, it is better not to tell the truth or you will get attacked.\""
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4173", 
            "head": "08/10/01", 
            "content": "I am in some resort hotel room. I decide to take a shower. It is a very wide open shower area, in the large open room. There isn't any furniture in there. A flimsy shower curtain is across the door to the room. A woman, perhaps my sister in law, Corinne, is trying to lock the curtain after she left. She is going to get something. I pick up a notebook which has the events that will happen later that night all written out. I see that I shall see about 5 movies in a row until 2am in the morning. It all feels laid back and relaxed. Another woman and her friend is industriously trying to work with a shape in a closet like area in the hall. I peek in and see a green painted square on the side wall. I come back into the room, still interested in having a shower at some point."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4174", 
            "content": "(08/13/01)[\"Sweet romance.\"] I am Rosalind Russell and a sweet man like Ralph Bellamy when young. He is gently pursuing her. She smiles and flirts but shies away. She wants to go sit in a cafe and asks the waiter for a table. The waiter says You'll have to share a table with someone. She says OK. They walk into a crowded room and she laughs delightedly when she sees it is Ralph she will be with. He is also delighted and teases her. They cuddle together on a couch and she relaxes her legs around his legs. It is loving, sweet and fun."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4175", 
            "content": "(08/13/01)[\"Lots of stuff and rules.\"] I am in some area where there is lots of things. I am trying to sort through them, cleaning up. Some man is around who has strict rules. He talks about them and I don't particularly agree. I just continue doing my thing. I am aware he can make things tough if he is crossed, but I don't worry about it too much. Just a slight concern."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4176", 
            "content": "(08/16/01)[\"New house and new van.\"] I am liking the new house I have. It is on a slope of a hill. The inside seems clean and modern, nice furniture, comfortable and cozy. The van is also new and modern. I am driving somewhere. It's a smooth ride, and comfortable."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4177", 
            "content": "(08/20/01)[\"Dad's sketch uncertain.\"] I see a sketch my mother did of my father's head. It is wavering in and out. I wonder if this means my father will die soon."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4178", 
            "content": "(08/29/01)[\"Looking through Mom's things.\"] I am looking through various objects over and over. I know they are my mother's things. I feel sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4179", 
            "content": "(08/30/01)[\"Leaving Charla behind.\"] I am holding a small white kitten in my lap. I wonder if I am holding it too roughly in order to keep it there and safe. I have some packages on my lap as well. Now I am in a bus and we are leaving. Charla I now see running behind the bus trying to catch up. Her face is contorted as she cries very hard. She is angry at me for leaving her behind. I tell the bus driver to stop to let her in. I was teaching her a lesson about being responsible for herself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4180", 
            "content": "(09/02/01)[\"Firing Sharon.\"] I am in a large house that reminds me vaguely of the V. farm house. Crowded with relatives. I am trying to get things cleaned up. I go down in the basement and see the light is burned out. It will require a very tall ladder with such high ceilings. Lots of bags of things all over the floor. I go upstairs to find Sharon. I am very upset with her. She doesn't finish things and do things the way I want them done. I find her in a living room. She is now a blend of Bonnie and Sharon. She is very unhappy with me as well. I don't pay her well and I work her hard and complain frequently about how she doesn't do it right. When I see it is also Bonnie I hesitate to fire her and am more friendly and kind. I encourage her to talk with me. She hints she's ready to quit and I encourage that as well. I wonder if she will be hurt I don't try and convince her to stay, but I do want her gone."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4181", 
            "content": "(09/02/01)[\"Can't find the toys.\"] Paulina and her boys are with me. We are in some building. I gather up some medicine and toys and hang them up with the clothes. When I go to retrieve them, they are gone. I can't find them. I look all over. I feel frustration. Maybe the boys took them and hid them. I go outside and crawl up to a second story of an unfinished building. A crowd of people are on the ground looking up at me. I see them tossing squeaky toys around and see the two I was looking for. I ask them to toss them up to me. They do so. I feel better that I found them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4182", 
            "content": "(09/03/01)[\"Helping George Harrison.\"] George Harrison and I are in his apartment. A group of people are there also. He is interviewing them to find people who will help him build up his fame again. He seems accepting and satisfied with their answers but I am not satisfied. I think they don't know very much and I advise him to continue looking for better more competent people to hire. I want to help him and I am frustrated he's not paying much attention to my advice."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4183", 
            "content": "(09/04/01)[\"Oil painting.\"] I am painting with oil paint the interior of kitchen cupboards. I have the color purple in a large bucket and dip my artist small brush in there. The consistence of the paint changes from thick and lumpy to smooth but I have to repeatedly brush it out on the cupboard wood. I also notice the colors keep changing. The purple becomes whitish and then greenish. I realize I had not properly mixed the paints. I am being incompetent about this. I keep at it until it now looks very nice."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4184", 
            "content": "(09/04/01)[\"Mom leaves, injured.\"] I am packing and reorganizing Charla and my clothes in a chest of drawers. I pull out several articles, a nightgown for me, a pair of jeans for Charla to be packed for the trip. Then I go into a kitchen. My father is there, cooking his meal. I look in the cupboard and find several old hotdogs in bread like a folded sandwich. I ask him if one is his. He says it is. He says I can have it. I decide to throw mine away as it is old and probably would make me sick. I am being sympathetic with my father being alone now. Then my mother comes in and falls. I go to her but she has already gotten up. I am worried because she fell like that already this morning. She says, looking bleary eyed, a bum head. Then she pauses and rethinks. No, she says, a bone hip, meaning a hip joint giving out on her. She stumbles out of the kitchen. She is going somewhere. I am worried, but see that Dwight is following her everywhere. He will take care of her. My father is sad."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4185", 
            "content": "(09/04/01)[\"Auditioning Ebenezer McScrooge.\"] I am the director of a play. I am auditioning actors. I see a line of four men who look stoic and stern. I ask them if they are here to only audition for the McScrooge part or if they are interested in other parts as well. One wears cotton fake sideburns. He is only interested in the McScrooge part. I decide to audition these men first so they can leave after that part is worked with. Now the scene changes and I am working in secret with a naval situation. I am standing on a submarine and moving a yellow cloth up and down on a rack, like a towel rack. I am in danger of being discovered as a spy, so I go high up on a shelf of dirt. I hide there. They are looking for me. I am very aware that I am sitting on an edge of the cliff and am slipping. I could fall and kill myself. I cling to the edge hard, worried I will fall. I keep scooting back away from the edge and then slipping back toward it. I feel fear. Then there is an odd sequence where I am experiencing sexual excitement. Lydia is touching Dwight and transferring the feelings into me. I don't know how she is doing this because Dwight isn't there at all. She is sitting on my right on that narrow shelf/ledge,"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4186", 
            "content": "(09/06/01)[\"Asking dream character what he means.\"] I am in a large building, and I am talking to a woman who says she has her kids in a large garage adjacent to the room we are in. I am concerned and go peek in a crack in the wall to see if it is safe for them. I decide it is OK. I am leaving now. I look to my left and see a tall man. I realize I am dreaming and decide to ask him a question so I say to him, \"What do you mean in this dream?\" He speaks but his words are unintelligible. I ask him to repeat it. He does and again I can not understand him. Then he says something I think is \"Cat Stevens.\" I am doubting if I heard it correctly. Then he simply disintegrates, starting with his head. So I walk on out. Now I am visiting at a mansion of a very rich man. As I come in a woman comes out and says you're in for it. I say why, is he an alcoholic? She says yes. I walk across a huge room with very high ceilings and carpet and classical pictures on the wall. I am critical of this room. If I had lots of money, I'd decorate it better. Then I notice my shoes clicking on marble flooring. We get to his room which is a wooden desk in a beautiful library, wall to wall books. This is more like it. I like this room. He cynically asks me to make love to him. I chuckle and say no thanks. He is not used to being rebuffed. I leave and go to a quiet place by a river and sit there comfortably with a camp chair and watch the water swirl gently by. He follows me there. He wants to know why I won't make love to him. I am concerned that my place look really good, since I had criticized his so much. There is a sort of muddy spot near where I am sitting. I will it to look better. I now throw bits of bread crumbs to some kind of animal (squirrel or raccoon) nearby."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4187", 
            "content": "(09/07/01)[\"The huge turd.\"] I am reminiscing about a time when I was chosen to be the lead MC of some event. And one of the things that happened was in the event, I notice a huge turd on a school desk. This is some speaking event. A man like Ben Affleck is now seated in a school desk and asking me, \"So I hear that you did something that got my mom really upset. Tell me about it. I blush and laugh embarrassed to tell about it. He says you remember my mom, right? Italian? I say Oh yeah. Plump, really dark hair. I remember. He describes his father. I say Him I don't remember. So he keeps pressing me to tell the story. I keep hesitating and laughing. He says his father had some affair. I say I don't really remember. So I say OK, so I'd been chosen by Jackie Gleason to be the lead moderator. He whistles how impressed he is and appreciates how important that is. I then tell him how I see the huge turd on the desk. He laughs, appreciating how embarrassing that would be and agrees no wonder his mom was so upset. We laugh."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4188", 
            "content": "(09/07/01)[\"Multi layered Paulina.\"] I am in a series of rooms. I am looking through drawers and trying to organize all the things I find. I find an old shirt I wore many years ago and can't see any spots or messes or rips on it. I then see a few, because I am convinced there has to be some. Then as I am about to toss it in the goodwill pile, I see I'd hung many of my necklaces on the same hanger so I keep it all. I find many small cloth pouches that jewelry might have been kept in. I gather them all up in one place. My mother is around there somewhere. Children are around and make noise. It spooks the horses outside. I go to a back window and warn Dwight they might try and stampede. I see small groups of horses in small barbed wire squares and see they can't break out though they whinny and raise up on their hind legs. I am relieved. I continue with my organizing project. Now Jerry and I are in a room and I say you need to relate to me how you fixed two items of mine and I will write it down. He tries to remember. He finally says well, I sort of looked at them and jiggled them and then they worked. I try and write this down on a framed glass sheet. That is the shape of Dwight's stamp B'day gift. I say Oh, so you sort of didn't do anything and they worked just fine. We laughed. Now I am at a dinner table with lots of people. Paulina is there. She is standing in front of me showing off her new work uniform. I say I see what you mean about multi layers. I see 3 or 4 different colored shirts a gold one, a green one and a white one, an off the shoulder peasant blouse. I say they want you to be sexy but keep it hidden. She also has on a large billowy jeans dress that makes her look a hundred pounds larger than she is."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4189", 
            "content": "(09/16/01)[\"Howard.\"] I am in bed with Howard. It seems friendly. I am considering if I shall initiate love making with him again. I seem to be inclined to do so."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4190", 
            "head": "09/16/01", 
            "content": "I am standing on a lawn in front of a white house shaped like the Mac House, but it is not. A horrible plant is growing out of a small buried mess of body parts in the lawn. It is angry. Its leaves are like tentacles reaching out to try and grab me, to kill me. I had been lazy and irresponsible when I buried the stuff there. I run madly and it grows very fast to try and get me. I run down a street near a parked car. The tentacles could only reach that far and it is screaming (Sounds like Godzilla) with fury and frustration that I am just out of its reach. I stand there listening to its screams and watches as it dies. I walk around the block to stay safely out of its way. Someone insists I go back and look at it now that it is dead. I am fearful to do so, but I do it. I am afraid it will spring to life and kill me. I wake up, afraid. Nightmare."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4191", 
            "head": "09/17/01", 
            "content": "My green van is broken and a man is inside fixing it. I want to explain to him some info so he can do it better. Gaston walks up to tell me, laughing at me gently, not to bother the man. I see a small fluffy dog hop out of the van and get on a small skateboard. He skates under another van (sort of a duplicate of my green van.) It is jacked up and Gaston gets under there to assist the dog out. I am worried he will accidentally knock the van off its jack. It might fall. I ask him to get out of there. It's not safe. He ignores me, laughing at my fear."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4192", 
            "head": "09/17/01", 
            "content": "I am holding a small naked baby, my hand on his little skinny butt. Charla and Ellie and I are trying to get into a restaurant. Ellie goes in. I try but there is a counter. I try to lay the baby on the counter so I can pull myself over the counter. A man is working there, like a matrie de. He says no, you can't put the baby there. That's not safe. I ask him to hold the baby. He refuses. He's afraid the baby will pee or poop on him. I am also concerned about that. I go back outside. Charla is there. Now Ellie comes up to me and begins to clean my butt. I am sitting. I say, embarrassed, did I poop? She says gently yes. She is cleaning up the mess. I am surprised because I didn't feel anything happen. Now I and Ellie are in a building. Some welfare workers are showing us clippings or video of us trying to get assistance illegally. I feel caught. I see a clip of me wearing a blue with white Pokka dots on it blouse and a small peter pan collar. The pants are a bright floral pattern like yellow daisies on a dark background. I am doing gymnastics stands with Charla. She's on her back with her legs up and I am going to lean on her feet so she can raise me. I hesitate. I am so heavy. My tummy is plump and protrudes."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4193", 
            "head": "09/18/01", 
            "content": "I wake up thinking assassination."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4194", 
            "head": "09/18/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house with visitors who are there for some meeting. I am the hostess and am walking around trying to keep everyone happy. I see some pieces of pie on plates and pick one up to take it back to the kitchen. It is a colorless sort of lemon meringue pie, and it falls off the plate. I get a Kleenex and try to wipe it up, and I keep seeing more spots of the pie on the floor like I had stepped in it and walked around leaving sticky footprints or blobs where I stepped. Even though I only had one Kleenex and I am worried it won't be enough to take care of the mess, it keeps becoming more Kleenex and I keep wiping up more messes. Some couple comes by and tells me to cancel their subscription to the counselor newsletter. I say OK but wonder why because it hasn't been up and running for months. Now some meeting is going one. Something important is being discussed. [NOTES: I had the TV on and news coverage was going on about the current crisis.]"
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4195", 
            "head": "09/20/01", 
            "content": "Dovre and I are at a hotel. We are trying to get breakfast. We walk along a line of long tables. Apparently it is full. But then people are quickly leaving. Now we have plenty of places to sit. We get in line to get our food, only now we're buying books. The man at the counter says OK. Pay me. I look to Dovre. I say Where's my purse? I am concerned. Did she lose it? She says I left it in the car. I question her, concerned about this. Are you sure? When did you do it? Now, I am watching a man and a woman who bought some things. The woman bought 3 dresses, a red one, a green one and a black one. She's asking the man if she should wear these green pull on sleeves in the black dress. He is distracted as he's looking at the lovely faceted jewels and stones he bought. A black agate cut like a diamond. He's showing them to a man. There are also pretty copper objects. The woman wants to wear the red or green dress and doesn't think the green sleeves will work with them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4196", 
            "content": "(09/22/01)[\"Mom smiles.\"] I am in a large living room with lots of people. My father is having a celebration about his \"geology\" stuff. Lydia and I are acting as hostesses. Someone comes by and is handing out special commemorative T-shirts with printing on them. They are a shirt and pants sweat suit. I am surprised the material is so thin. And the shirt is a hooded sweat shirt with a net covered hole in the front center. I am wondering how to wear it without flashing my breasts. I look down at what I'm wearing and see a skirt with a black pair of pants under it. So I carry the sweat suit around with me. I am trying to gather my stuff up and tuck it away on a wall shelf. A small bag (leather pouch). A girl cousin or niece is cheerfully helping. I notice my mother is standing there, quite stiff and lifeless in the middle of the party. I move her over to the shelf too. I speak to her softly and gently. She does not move or respond. Then I see Lydia staring with concentrated concern looking for something. I hop over hassocks and things to get to her. She was looking for some people who crashed the party. I try to help her find them. I mingle and walk through the crowd. I see my father asleep on his tummy in a bed. I go to wake him as he is the guest of honor and should be up greeting people. I call out to him and he finally opens his eyes sleepily. He doesn't get up but the bed is pushed over to a door to a hallway. I walk past him down the hall which is crowded with piles of clothes and things. I see my mother again. She is more relaxed and a soft smile on her face. She doesn't look at anyone or respond but she is trying to dance. I put her in a small box for now. Then I see the box is rattling around on the top of the furniture it is on. I put my hand on the box to calm it down. She's dancing in there. So I feel empathy and say, \"I'll get you out of there.\" I try but I can't get it open. Now I am back in the main room and see a group of my father's geology friends. I walk to them and try and chat with them (dark haired) to be a good hostess. Then I am distracted by a large group of people leaving the party in a steady stream. I follow them to the door and say 'What's going on?\" Just going outside for awhile? They don't really respond to me either. Later I learn from Lydia they were passengers of some ferry ride boat and crashed the party."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4197", 
            "head": "09/22/01", 
            "content": "I am jogging quite a long distance down city streets. I am slim, young and healthy. I am tiring my body out and looking forward to the creative writing I will do after this \"mind emptying\" meditation while I run. I get to the University and turn right. I find my dorm. I jog down a hall. The doors are very ornate, carved wood and pretty. I find my room. I will it to be a single room. I go in to see I need to clean it up. I will the bath room to be in a different place than it is. I get in the shower still partially clothed and lather up the soap. I spend lots of time rubbing soap all over me. I have shampoo lathered in my hair. I rinse the soap off and start to towel my hair. I realize the shampoo is still there. So I rinse my hair as well. I am very tired."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4198", 
            "content": "(09/23/01)[\"11:22PM.\"] I am alone in a space ship, traveling. There is a bumping and a small midget sized male alien comes on board. He and I can't speak each other's language. I see his right hand is injured and bruised. I gently treat it for him. We are cautious of each other but we are curious too. I open out a folding cot from the wall and he gets on it. I want him to be taller. He is thin and now long legged. Humanoid in body shape. I want to change course so I don't bump into his round sphere of a ship and cause damage to both ships. He is worried and doesn't trust me. I gently persuade him to trust me. I show him the photo of my mother, my Charla and my father."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4199", 
            "content": "(09/23/01)[\"Dream group with no dreams.\"] I am in a living room. Two couches, one on each opposite wall. At the long end of the room, a set of bleacher seating. The dream group is meeting. Each person takes a turn and speaks or sings. As they do that, I am seated on one of the couches and am distracted by my organizational project of my dreams. I see two metal objects that are thin and long like a saw only the teeth are few and large like a large metal comb. These are dream cassettes. I am glad to see only two are left to put into the computer. I've gotten a lot of work done. Then I see writing and graphics on one of them. This is my father's work, his organizational projects, his fossil work and so on. I admire the cartoon animation frames he drew along the top of the thing. Then I become aware that lots is going on in the dream group. More people than usual. Maybe 20 or so, some I haven't seen for years. Lots of talking stories and singing. I am surprised no one is doing dreams. But it feels right that they need to tell these stories right now. Then one man in the right side of the front row of the bleachers is doing the NPR credits. \"This is National Public Radio. Etc.\" I am surprised. Now I see what might be Darryl lying on the ground. I lie down with him and we roll around together. It is friendly. Some other man is watching and is jealous."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4200", 
            "head": "09/28/01", 
            "content": "Drew Carey and I are flirting. I am going to class. The classroom is very crowded. I walk down an aisle to the back of the room. Some of the people in the back are facing the back wall. I wonder if there are two different classes going on in the same room. I decide not. The class is called: Mozart In Music."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4201", 
            "head": "09/28/01", 
            "content": "I am watching as a large fat man, like the actor in \"The King of Queens\", befriend a small 5th grade girl. They are very happy with each other. However, they crawl in bed together to sleep after they are done playing. She kisses him good night on the cheek. They kiss each other frequently. I feel uncomfortable about this. It feels like it is borderline incest. Inappropriate. They sleep and the next morning, he decides he needs to leave, because this could become sexual and that isn't appropriate. Neither want to leave and they promise to see each other again soon."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4202", 
            "head": "09/29/01", 
            "content": "Just the sense of Jewish people. Lots of them."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4203", 
            "content": "(09/30/01)[\"Arabs attack.\"] I am in a building looking around. I see a large production of some Broadway show being performed. I peek in. It looks very interesting. I want to go in and see the play. As I walk around I am lost. I walk down some flattened stairs like a ramp down several flights. I am now outside and notice there are Arab terrorists rounding up people. The Arabs have machine guns and are killing people. I run back into the building and up the stairs. Now I'm in a room, apparently a medical office room. I am captured. They do not kill me but demand I look through the piles of papers and keep any important things like money, checks and credit cards. I mourn the loss of important medical records for people who needed them. I try and save as many as I can. They threaten me but don't harm me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4204", 
            "content": "(10/01/01)[\"Desperate need to be perfect.\"] I watch a man who is a wonderful singer perform. He is delightful. Full voice, perfect pitch. Everyone likes his work. Then he is done singing, only he can't seem to stop. He now insists we listen as he vocalizes the exact sound of each instrument in the orchestra. He does the \"a\" note like a violin. A \"d\" note like a cello. He is very good at it. But people are getting restless. Time to move on to something else. He doesn't want them to go."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4205", 
            "content": "(10/01/01)[\"Kissing everyone BUT Gaston.\"] I am in a sort of parking garage structure. I am looking at objects in different levels, each one lower than the next. One bin has red and white high heel shoes in it. I am experimenting by kissing everyone around. Except Gaston. He comes into the area (like a caged car spot) and wants to kiss. I feel like I hurt his feelings because I didn't choose to kiss him. We kiss."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4206", 
            "content": "(10/02/01)[\"Outlaws hiding.\"] I am part of an outlaw gang. Burt Lancaster is the leader. We are kind of dufus. We are trying to hide until its time to do the heist. We ride horses and go into a crevasse in a rock mountain area. Then we want to signal one of our men. I stick out a big cardboard with a crayon drawing of one of us out there and wiggle it around. A second later, the man on the horse sticks his nose into the crevasse. I must have put the sign right in front of his face. We are worried the sheriff and his men might see. We sneak back to a ranch. A young woman and her mother and father run the ranch. I am now trying to hide some souvenir I bought at a store in a cupboard on their porch. She finds me. I try and hide it. Then there's some contest all the outlaws are trying to win and so I want to try too. Now there is an old hotdog I must bury outside. While there I see a plastic milk jug and try and bury it. Seems the more we try and hide our trail, the more stuff there is to hide! The woman catches on that we are outlaws and seems friendly and helpful."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4207", 
            "head": "10/03/01", 
            "content": "Helicopters, airplanes, lots of people."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4208", 
            "head": "10/04/01", 
            "content": "I and a woman are walking. We hop from one hillock or bump to another. Now we are in a yarn shop. I am looking at the colors, searching for specific shades of pink and purple that I saw in this magnificent sunset. I see the colors I want. Then when I pull them down from the hooks on the wall, the colors aren't as pretty. I am frustrated. I try again. Finally, I have something close to the right colors. I am going to make (crochet) a shawl. We go back outside."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4209", 
            "head": "10/05/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house that is supposedly Esther's. I see photos on the wall of Naomi when in high school. I don't have that photo and feel hurt. Then I remember they are sisters so it would make sense she gets them. I lie down on a small bed to rest. Then Charla comes in and wants that spot. I go into another room. A small boy grabs up some candy like pills. I quickly take them to check and see if they are OK for him to take. Some are not. I tell Esther. I check my pill stash to see if he took some of mine. Aspirin like drugs. I am concerned."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4210", 
            "head": "10/06/01", 
            "content": "Errol is here to help me. Anastasia told him to do so. I am seated on a couch in a living room. He wants to talk. To tell me about himself so I'll trust him and have me talk about what I need. I feel self-conscious but he's a genuine nice guy so I relax and let him help. Meanwhile, Sunny comes to visit and I need to help her. She's had another baby. I comment I could have been more help before she got pregnant, but I'll work with what I've got. I start talking about Assertiveness training. I remind her she knows this stuff and just needs to remember and use it. A group of people are there."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4211", 
            "head": "10/06/01", 
            "content": "I return to my apartment. I am shocked to see that the kitchen ceiling is nearly missing. Someone is taking it apart wood slab by slab. I see the higher outside roof still intact. I notice other signs that someone is dismantling my apartment. I am moving out, but I seem to be getting lots of unexpected help. I don't know why. It doesn't feel friendly. I hear knocking. I go to the back door and look through a window. I see an Asian man wanting to come in. I open the door for him and let him in. Then I quickly go to the living room and tell people there I did that so he could be watched. Perhaps he will steal something. Then I get suspicious of the older Asian father who owns the place. I sneak a peek in a drawer and find he's been hiding my writings and art work on envelopes (manila envelopes) in there. I am not happy about this. I gather them up to take them with me. I tell a woman about it. Maybe the older Asian father has a secret crush on me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4212", 
            "content": "(10/07/01)[\"Auditioning for what?\"] A man and I are in a house. It is his family's house. We are going ti an audition, I gather up papers. I am trying to learn how to run the business. I walk into an auditorium. I see some people already seated in the front seats. I start to join them. Then I sit at tables in the back. I am organizing my things I brought. A male teacher is asking me questions. I am distracted. Lucy is there, singing in my ear. Now my man and I lie on a bed trying to get comfortable. We are going to audition together. Then we are called back to his family's house. I look for my room and see I am sharing it with 2 other women. Like a dorm room.. I see 2 bunks and a third one on top. I notice I am expected to use the top bunk. I point out that I am disabled and must be accommodated. The woman says we're all disabled here. And shrugs. I relook at the bunk and start trying to use it. I am annoyed, but also agree that it might have to be."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4213", 
            "head": "10/08/01", 
            "content": "I am in a bathroom. Seated naked in a tub. I am spitting up bits of clothing. I am worried and fearful. What is happening? What is wrong? There are bits of things floating around in my tub. Carl comes in and Jack Nicholson. I am distressed and hardly notice I am naked in their presence. Jack N. is teasing me. He says how come you can't even come over and cuddle on the couch all night like friends? How come? He tells a slightly sexy joke. I say I don't know why you think I can't enjoy a good sexy joke. See, I can and I will come over on Thursday night and hang out with you. I am hesitant and he is impressed I am willing to do this. Then I begin to cry out for my pills. My body pills, I cry. My- and I can't think of the kind of pill I need to take. I can't remember its name. I begin to convulsively take and chew up big pills desperately. I have a mouth full of pills being chewed up. I am trying to talk with Jack N. through this all. Carl is trying to be friendly and comforting. My personal assistant is trying to help me. I am crying and whimpering, nearly crazy with my fear of not being healthy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4214", 
            "head": "10/08/01", 
            "content": "I am in a bed. I wake up and look out the window. I see high winds and lots of debris swirling around. Then I see a funnel cloud, dark and whirling. I exclaim, \"Oh. I just dreamt of a funnel cloud. I get up and stand in the living room at the window. It comes right at us. At the last second I throw myself on the couch and cover my face. The window smashes miraculously no one is hurt. The wind is ferocious. Then I pick up a puppy and carry it into a small nook room. My father brings my mother in. I sit there and tell her about the funnel cloud and how I dreamt about it. She smiles and talks to me. I am so happy and surprised. I show her the puppy. She says she wondered where I was last night. She had thought \"Barb will know where I put my things when I unpack.\" I say Oh I wish you had awakened me. Then she requests I make some cranberry juice. I do so in a pretty glass tall pitcher. My father is so happy to have her back and so well. She is sitting in a robe in a manual wheelchair. My father pushes her out into the kitchen table. I open a small refridge to put the juice in and see 2 other pitchers with just a small amount in them of cranberry juice. I say OK everybody, drink the leftover juice first. Dwight jokes and my mother suggests I put the full one on the left side in the back."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4215", 
            "head": "10/09/01", 
            "content": "I am visiting my \"ex-husband\" Robin Williams, I want to visit with my son. I am arranging he visiting times and will take my son with me for a few days. I can't seem to get Robin to talk about it with me. In addition, his second wife is cool to me. She and two other women, presumably her sister and friend are wearing the exact same blouse, a grey and white design with soft gauzy material. Finally someone agrees I can take my son for awhile. I pick him up and then stop to choose some chocolates from my \"ex husband's\" stash. Nestle's crunchy bars and so on. I gleefully choose some to take with me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4216", 
            "head": "10/10/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house. I am preparing for a dream group with relatives. Aunt Naomi is there. I am fixing foods. I am looking forward to working the dreams. I am going to learn much. Now the scene changes and I am walking through a street scene where lots of tourist shops are. A sort of mall of one specialty shop after another. I am looking for a special type of popcorn oil to make yummy popcorn. I am told by a black man where to go to find it. He seems to be linked to doing dreamwork as well. So He won't come with me so I start looking around for a ramp to get to the next level of shops. I need to go around and down and try to get to the outside street. I have trouble finding my way, asking directions as I go. I finally get out on the street. Lots of colorful shops but not the one I want. Then I see I've come around full circle and see the shop, but it is practically right where I had started. If I'd simply backtracked a few steps and turned in a different direction, I'd have had a quick trip to it. I am surprised and annoyed that I was given wrong directions, apparently deliberately."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4217", 
            "content": "(10/11/01)[\"Lucy and remembering the words.\"] I am outdoors. Preparing for a performance. I walk chest deep across a river to a cave. Inside the cave are the props and Lucy. I am trying to remember my lines. I notice we are so far back into the cave that any audience across the river couldn't see us or hear us very well. So I move and Lucy comes with me to the open mouth of the cave. I try to read my script pages but can't find my place. So I just start improving lines, from the heart. Now we are back across the river and I see some people up on the outdoor stage preparing to give some awards. I am prepared to go get one. I am called and go up on stage. I am bantering with some other actors as I do that."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4218", 
            "content": "(10/14/01)[\"Disability and creative writing.\"] I am at a meeting of disability rights people. I am seated in my wheelchair near the front. I notice a great many more people than usual are attending. A boy sits in my chair with me. I am startled but try and accommodate him. He sits on my left. The chair seems to look like a large leather upholstered chair in a library but on wheels. The crowd swirls around me and I politely move back a bit as it surges around me to get to the front. Lucy and her family walk past me moving out of the room. She says she'll be back soon, but there are things she needs to do for the family right now. I am a bit annoyed, but let it go. Now the crowd quiets down and I see I am at the back in the back row. I realize I usually would be up front, but it seems fine that I just be an observer right now. Now I am holding a long index card box with many cards in it. I am showing someone a fat group in the middle that represent my creative writings. It's a lot. I feel pleased with the amount. I pull out a large manila envelope and pull out a laminated cute colorful picture of a dinosaur. I chuckle at it. I then tell the person that this isn't actually my writings. Someone else did this. I find a couple more cards with projects that aren't mine. I feel a bit nervous that my large group of cards is getting smaller. I can't seem to find one of my own projects in this group."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4219", 
            "head": "10/15/01", 
            "content": "I am a counselor. I am asked to temporarily be a health worker and diagnose a patient. I enter the examining room. A woman and her husband are there. I tell them I am a counselor but I will do the best I can. I then walk down the hall to try and get more expert advice. I think they both have Multiple Sclerosis."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4220", 
            "head": "10/17/01", 
            "content": "I am on a platform stage talking to a large audience. They seem far away. I am lecturing on the new computer program I spent years creating where now I have 3-D virtual reality companions I've created. I display one that was created to protect me. He's a burley big guy. I tell them of the long hard struggle of lonely years of work to complete this task. Then this audience which is full of employees of a large company are dismissed and we all go to a smaller classroom. I am writing things on the blackboard. My name and the name of the thing I created using physics. Another of my creations, a young immature shy teen girl, is on stage and I talk with her. A man is in the audience. He and I are attracted to each other. I keep my eye on him. A woman gets up and leaves the room."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4221", 
            "content": "(10/17/01)[\"Haunted house.\"] I moved to a house and am trying to unpack. There are many rooms. I am upstairs. I go across the hall and into another room. It feels very scary. Some entity is in there. I go back out and down stairs. I try and calm down. I see the front door is blown open a few inches by a heavy wind and dry dead leaves are fluttering into the house. That makes me feel scared too. I shut the door and then see some round scatter rugs piled on a surface. I gather them up to clean up the place. Anastasia comes in. She is going to help me. She picks up some things and takes them upstairs. I find a few more rooms. Anastasia is gone for too long and I get worried. I go upstairs even though I am afraid. I can't find her. I pick up some more things laying around that makes the room appear messy. Now I am having trouble seeing. Like I can't keep or get my eyes open. I struggle. Then I can see and go to the scary room. I step in. It is bare. But I can feel the presence of the spirit. It feels threatening. I can't find Anastasia. Again, I can't get my eyes open and I feel panic. I struggle and manage to open them enough to get out of the room. Then I become aware of hearing the TV and realize I am hearing the Martha Stewart show with a Halloween theme. I know I am in that stage between waking and sleeping. I watch a few images shift and change. Then I wake up, still feeling uneasy and scared."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4222", 
            "content": "(10/20/01)[\"Everyone dies in the old folks home.\"] I am on a bark mulch path that is sort of a nursing home place. There are two elder women and two elder men that live there. I either live there or am visiting. I know them well. One woman knows she is dying today and another will be dying soon. I am around the one dying woman. She dies, then I am concerned about the second old woman. Meanwhile one of the elder men whom I affectionately call Mr. Piggy says he is near death. I say this sure is the day for it. He goes to lie down in his room which seems to be on the path, which is hilly going gently up and down. I suggest to someone we move his coffin right into his room so when he dies it will be close by. I watch as they move it in. Then I wonder if that is bad taste. Maybe he will think I am trying to hurry him along. He doesn't seem to mind. Then I go in and he requests one of my chocolate candies. I give it to him. He sighs happily. The other old man is a sort of ancient Gaston. He is thinking he will die soon. We walk along together on the hilly path. We talk about Mr. Piggy."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4223", 
            "content": "(10/20/01)[\"The spy sandwich.\"] War is going on and I have in the basement of my home a secret sandwich which somehow is important to the war effort. Actually the sandwich is a sort of camouflage of whatever I am creating. I have a young female roommate. I am in the basement working on the secret project wondering if I should let the military know about it. Can't be the air force because they are the enemy, but maybe the Navy. I am trying to change channels on a weird TV and having trouble seeing what is on each channel. I then look out the window and notice the shallow end of the ocean is practically up against the house. No extra safety space if there is a storm. I see the area really close to the house is sort of a tide pool area. A friend of my roommate is coming to see my project and I try and hide the sandwich. Then Dwight and even Jake comes in. Apparently I've called a family meeting."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4224", 
            "content": "(10/24/01)[\"Having fun dancing.\"] I am in a room. A meeting of some kind with Archie. We are talking about dancing and dancability. I go to another room, where some people are doing contact improv. I am enjoying watching them. I join in. The height of my wheelchair keeps going from flat on the floor to knee high, as I use a lever to try and get it to a comfortable level. I dance as I do this. The younger people are impressed I can do so well. I tell them I used to do this a lot. Then Lucy and Mirabelle and others come in. We hug and talk. Then Cindy of MIUSA comes by and asks me to dance for 20 minutes so she can document I did it. I say sorry. I have to return to this meeting. Wish I could. I go back to the meeting where \"Archie\" is a black man. He meeting seems to be over. We hug. I want to find Cindy and get that documentation done now, but now she's gone too. I feel disappointed."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4225", 
            "content": "(10/25/01)[\"Starting over again with my dream program.\"] I am in a room. I have a desk cluttered with strange objects. A woman comes in. She is there to assist me to work better with my job, which is to get my dream program up and being useful at this company. I've been working on it for a long time. Apparently, I haven't been working on it much lately. I feel the need to begin again. But I am confused what these objects are. Some are organized, some are just laying around. I try and explain to the woman. Someone hands me a broken video cassette. I see it was smashed, maybe run over like by a wheelchair. Maybe mine. The round rolls of tape are out of the cassette. It can't be fixed. I sigh in frustration. I return to my computer area. I realize I will have to start over again to recall what I was doing with my dream program. Now I'm in another room. Some babies are lying on a couch. Tiny newborns. I see one black baby all naked. His color is a sort of grey blue shade of black. It doesn't look healthy. I realize it is very cold and can get sick. These babies are sort of like toys for Charla to play with. I pick up an outfit to clothe the baby with. It is damp. That will only make things worse. So I pick up another outfit. I can't get it on the baby. Someone else finishes the task. Now I am seated and Charla is talking with me. Visitors come to the door. A boy with bleached blonde hair, all cool, comes to ask Charla out. She laughs in embarrassment because she had chocolate or dirt smudged on her many double chins. I then see she looks like Ellie. And Ellie has the same mud or stuff on her face and neck. Apparently they were playing make up or something. Then I see the boy has it too. I offer a couple of different colors of lipstick for Charla to try. Then she and about four teens go out the door. One young female teen has a huge bouffant bee hive hair do. Then all of them are wearing scarves like Muslim women as they walk out the door."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4226", 
            "content": "(10/26/01)[\"Let me do PE.\"] I have moved. I am in a new job, a new town. Charles Gibson, ABC news man, is helping me locate a special place to live in. He gives me a paper with an address. They won't be available for awhile, and I am thinking of getting another place temporary and waiting for this wonderful place. Then I am going to school. I am in a locker room waiting to talk with the gym teacher. Class is starting. I see a gym by looking through a large plate glass window to the gym below. Women are playing sports games and exercising and so on. Apparently a committee must meet and decide if I can take the PE class. I am anxious to meet them. Finally the male teacher comes out and introduces himself. He asks me why I'm there. I say because I am afraid that the committee will decide I can't do the PE class because of my disability. He says do you want to do the class? I say yes, very much. He seems friendly and willing."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4227", 
            "content": "(10/29/01)[\"Whirlwind knocking at my door.\"] I am in a house and become aware that a large wind storm is approaching. I open the door and look out. A whirlwind is approaching. I shut the door quickly. I walk back across the room away from the door. I stand in the other doorway across from it that goes to another room. The whirlwind slams against the door like it is knocking. I realize with a small bit of concern that I am in the path of the whirlwind and could be hurt if it does break in. I think of moving out of the way, but I don't because I think it won't make it in."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4228", 
            "content": "(11/06/01)[\"Stampeding sheep.\"] I am outdoors. I see lots of animals stampeding toward me. I am carrying a small baby boy with me. I run to a building and go inside, although it's like a bombed out building. I run up the stairs which has piles of sand on it. The sheep are coming up the stairs at me and the boy. I shove and kick the sand in their faces, trying to slow them down. It works. They turn and go back down the stairs. I was on the verge of rounding a corner to the second flight of stairs but don't have to now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4229", 
            "content": "(11/07/01)[\"Mom, Howard and Charla.\"] I am at Charla's school trying to work with the teachers to help Charla get her work done. Charla is apparently going to be done soon. I need to help get her things packed. Then I am seated at a cafeteria table with some teachers. Then Howard is there across from me. I wonder why it's been so long since we've been in relationship, or had sex. I wonder if it will work if we try again. Then my mother is there. The image is like she's lying down but there's no furniture she's on. She gives me an odd cuddly sort of kiss on the cheek. I am glad to see her. She tells me we only have a few more days to get Charla packed and moved. I tell her I've already started on the packing at her house, Charla's room. I'll get on doing the rest now."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4230", 
            "head": "11/17/01", 
            "content": "I am eating lots of eggs. Then I put them on a piece of toast and place them like a menstrual pad into my panties. Then I occasionally reach down in there and take a bit of egg on my finger and eat it. I am a bit disgusted by the contact with my vagina juices. Ugh."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4231", 
            "head": "11/18/01", 
            "content": "I am in a woman's house and yet I am also on stage. I am describing to the audience which is not in front of me but off to the right side, that my work with my dream program created yet another wonderful new experience. I have discovered that there are patterns that create beautiful music. I see in front of me a schematic drawing hovering mid air. I see algebraic type formula's with X's and Z's and minus signs all in a 3-d chess kind of setting. When these patterns are played beautiful music happens. I am passionate about it. A man in the audience is worried. He says but how are you going to do all this? You need help. I say I know and I feel sad. I do need help. I don't know if I can get it. Then I am getting ready to go to school. I feel tired and not prepared."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4232", 
            "head": "11/19/01", 
            "content": "I am in a house. Grandma Maude is there. She doesn't quite look like herself. Her face is rounder. Chester was supposed to have taken my vote and registered it. I find out he forgot and didn't do that. So I try and find the floppy disk with the information on it so I can vote again. I see a huge puzzle picture of the United States. He apparently created that when he was supposed to be taking my vote in. He is apologetic."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4233", 
            "head": "11/20/01", 
            "content": "I am in a room. Someone is giving me information that is important for me to know. I can't understand it. I step into a tiny part of another room. I lie down on a couch. A friend of mine like Alan Arkin comes and I laugh because he looks like a Native American Eagle Mask and I try and see him under it. He is friendly and concerned for me. I try and explain what I see instead of him. The yellow neck ruff feathers, the white feathers around his brown round golden eyes. Then an old man who is rich and owns the house is seated up on a wall, like in a high chair. Someone views the room and says Oh, there is no furniture here. She can't be living here. I say I have one chair and the couch. Then the message I didn't understand is repeating. Sentences I try to trace with my fingers. Need the pain, something about the pain. I need to figure out what this all means for my own well being. My friend is sympathetic and wants to help."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4234", 
            "head": "11/23/01", 
            "content": "Lucy and I are repeatedly looking for men that are pleasant and nice. I am allowing them to ask me out, or I am actively asking them out. This feels good."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4235", 
            "head": "11/24/01", 
            "content": "I am in a room. I am unpacking and setting up for display pretty glass bowls and goblets, some of which belonged to my Grandma Anne and my mother. Suddenly the entire brick wall starts falling in on me. I sit there thinking Oh my God, I'm going to die. But somehow it crashes down and nearly hits me but I am safe. I am very surprised. Mitch R. from High School sits with me. He is loving and helpful. We cuddle. I am concerned about the special glass fragile goblets of my Grandmother's. I am worried it was smashed during the fall. I begin to look for it. Mitch helps me. Somehow the wall is fixed back up again."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4236", 
            "head": "11/25/01", 
            "content": "I have a newborn baby, absolutely tiny spindly legged and naked. I keep trying to get a diaper on it, and a blanket around it so it won't be cold. I cuddle it tenderly. I try to name it. I name all my previous babies, Dovre Jo, no, Jo, Ellie, Paulina, Charla, Amelia, and Damian. I think of the name Christina for the baby. But I definitely don't like that name and say no. I can't come up with a name. I hold my hand under it's tiny butt and see some pee came through. I dump that and get a fresh diaper."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4237", 
            "content": "(11/26/01)[\"Kevin Kline.\"] My old boyfriend, Kevin Kline, comes to me. He wants to have occasional sex with me. He has a girlfriend. She has some problem that makes her sad. I agree to help her, then Kevin and I can have good sex without guilt maybe once a week. I feel the orgasm. I've missed that good feeling."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4238", 
            "content": "(11/26/01)[\"Blood.\"] I am having very bad problems breathing. Like I am choking. I realize and am thankful that I am dreaming. That means I am actually not dying right now. And then I see a face spitting or drooling out waterized blood. It is choking on the blood from the lungs. I feel scared and sick."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4239", 
            "content": "(11/26/01)[\"Howard trapped again.\"] I am hiding in a bed that is like a top bunk. A blanket is used like a curtain. Howard comes into the room. He knows I'm there and comes up in the bed with me. I pretend to be in a coma. He leans up to my face, his cheek on mine. He says I know you are there. You had better reconsider our relationship. I'm not going to stay here forever with you ignoring me like this. I think to myself. It's better off for you if you leave. He is angry. I am determined. Then he leaves the room and I get out of bed. Lydia has a friend that wants to sell me a big storage system for my dream program stuff. I ask how much. She says 1600. I laugh. I haven't got that, but she comes in to do the pitch anyway. I ask her what kind of media she is using. She is impressed I have a video player in my room. It's sort of an office. I say but no monitor to see it with. I use it on my computer, which is in a small separate room off this office. Somewhere in there I help a female client with her problems."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4240", 
            "content": "(11/27/01)[\"No help to be had.\"] I am bussing home from California. I have some physical problem and end up on a military ambulance. They are brusque and non helpful. They give me some pills. I see some broken Vicadan pills and attempt to swallow them with applesauce. One gets stuck and I have a hard time swallowing it. Finally I am successful. Now they want me to swallow other pills. I ask what they are. They refuse to tell me. Then they threaten to force them down me if I do not comply. I tell them of my throat condition and how they could kill me if they did that. They are militarily insistent. I decide to leave. I have to walk as they won't assist me and the ambulance in non accessible. I walk slowly with difficulty and struggle down the 2 steps of the vehicle painfully. Then they dump my power wheelchair onto the ground and take off. I am left on a hillside by the side of the road. I see a bus stop and go there. I am trying to figure out where I am. There are shelves with booklets and information on them. I figure out I'm at a college but can't get the name of it. Y College is on one booklet. Finally I see some students. I tell one I am trying to get home and can't figure out where I am. I am stranded. They are concerned and many of them gather around me to hear my story. One woman student suggests I write my adventures down as stories. I say I always do that. I ask for help. They suggest there is a woman who helps out emergency situations. I ask them to contact her. They say no, as it is 11pm and they don't want to disturb her. I am frustrated. All I want to do is go home and I need help to do that. Where will I sleep, how do I get an accessible bus. Which is the right one. Where am I? They say I am at P College."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4241", 
            "content": "(11/30/01)[\"Fire.\"] I am in a room. I am very tired. I need to prepare a speech. I don't want to but feel I need to. I get up to prepare. Someone says there is a forest fire. Apparently I am in California. I go outside to look. I walk on a path along the river. The water is still and shallow. I say the water is low as it is California. Hope there will be enough water to put out the fire. I walk on and look into the forest. Someone had gone in there and reports that the fire is coming but it is a long way away. I am concerned and want to prepare to be safe."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4242", 
            "content": "(12/01/01)[\"I don't listen.\"] I am in a church. I am a part of a group that are all dressed up in formal wear. We are lined up to walk up to the pulpit and be formally accepted. I am the first one of the group, so the Minister begins to talk to me. He signs my name Barb Sanders on the paper but he totally ignores the others. I feel embarrassed. They are upset. The Minister gets all tongue tied and says half finished sentences and says wrong words that don't make sense. He feels embarrassed because it is awkward, not smooth.. Finally he's done talking and we go sit in the pews. It all feels unfinished. Now I sit next to a man in a lovely cream colored suit. He seems to like me and me him. He's trying to become acquainted. A woman stands up in front to talk. Her mother is embarrassed. The woman has a thick roll of paper with her. Life sized. Then as she lectures, she stands on the chalk tray of the blackboard just behind the Minister's pulpit which faces perpendicular to the audience. She puts the unrolled paper taped to the blackboard. Then she stands against it like she is a living part of it. She swings out toward he audience like turning the page. As she swings back and forth, she is erasing the blackboard itself to where it is see through glass. A couple of men with video cameras go into the room off the church area and film us through the clear glass. As she stands and moves on the chalk tray, it bulges and buckles. She gets down and walks near me. She's going to return up there and I warn her of what I saw. She doesn't heed my warning. Now I'm at home and seated on the couch. The phone rings. It's a dreamer for the Nightmare Hotline. She talks and then I interrupt her and hang up, expecting her to understand she is supposed to call again. She does. And I interrupt her again and hang up. I feel badly. I am doing this wrong. I should explain the procedure to her and listen to her. The phone rings again. He said his name but I didn't hear it. I recognize his voice. He wants us to have a date. He is intense and somehow sad and negative, already worried I won't like him. He wants to go to a swimming spa and sit in the hot water and be close and intimate as we talk. I ask him to give me directions to the spa. He sighs sadly. He can't figure out how to explain the directions. By now I have the feeling he's a \"stray kitten.\" I am losing interest, just as he was afraid I would."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4243", 
            "content": "(12/02/01)[\"Celeste and champagne.\"] Celeste R. is asking me questions. I tell her about my poetry. She asks me if I want champagne to drink. I say well, that's the odd thing about me. Champagne tastes good but I don't drink it. I don't like the way it makes my heart feel. I am explaining myself to her like something is wrong with me for not drinking Champagne."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4244", 
            "content": "(12/02/01)[\"Beautiful interior of house.\"] I am at a house, maybe Grandma Maude's house. I had stayed overnight. Some family occasion. It's time to pack and return home. I am gathering clothes up from under a bed. I think many of them don't belong to me, maybe they are my sister's. Now I am standing outside of a house, apparently it is my house I am returning to. I stand under a tree looking at the house. I am curious what it looks like to other people. I see a flat front with chipped paint a baize color. I see the side where it is very long and apparently five stories high. I am surprised there are several more floors than I remembered. I wonder if someone else lives in that part. Then I remember it is all mine. Now I am curious and want to see the other floors to see what I have. I look in the front windows and see wonderfully beautiful glassware and cut crystal bowls sparkling in the sunlight. There are many beautiful art objects in this house. I really like that. I notice the difference between the unkempt appearance of the outside of the house and thew inner beauty within the house. I then see several children getting out a side window onto a ledge that goes around the house. The babysitters are letting the children out for while. This seems dangerous to me. I step back under the tree so no one sees me. I see them hand the baby to one of the girls. Charla is one of them. The walk along the edge of the ledge, apparently safe. But I am nervous for them. Now I go into the house and walk through rooms. I find a kitchen and see a bathroom utility room to the side on the right. I go in and am amazed a how Sharon had cleaned and fixed it up. Yellow and Black patterned linoleum on the floor. It is spacious. The toilet however is constantly running nearly overflowing. The bowl is full of water. I see it needs to be fixed and a raised seat made for it. I think this will be easy to do. I see another room off this one and go in. A pretty bedroom, a wooden bed diagonally across the room. Several flowered patterns of wall paper. Pretty curtains on the several windows. I call to Charla and say isn't your room on the second floor? She says yes. I say how about this one? She looks it over and agrees it will be a nice bedroom. We decide she will move into it. I want to explore the floors above and see what rooms I have there. I am enjoying the discoveries."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4245", 
            "content": "(12/03/01)[\"Shifting rooms and short circuit electronics.\"] I am asleep in a single bed. I wake up but I am tired. I see somehow a cup of water had been knocked over and water is pouring out over the black electronic boxes on the table. I get up, still tired and annoyed. I try to clean it up. Paulina and Caroline are there. We are talking. Now I want to move to another room. I go down a hall. My father and Uncle Willis are walking ahead of me. As they enter a bedroom, my father quickly pulls his pants down. I figured he was changing clothes, so I turn into a bathroom to take a pee. People keep wandering in and out, mostly relatives."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4246", 
            "content": "(12/07/01)[\"Needing to pee.\"] I am looking for a bathroom. I need to pee. I look in several different rooms, but nothing to use. I go into one bathroom. I find some empty cardboard boxes and a woven basket, round. I start to pee in the basket, standing up over it. I quickly pull some Serene wrap onto the bottom of the basket so the pee won't go through. I pee a lot. Then I try and clean up my mess, carrying the basket trying not to spill any. I put away some of the boxes I pulled out to use."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4247", 
            "content": "(12/10/01)[\"Hurt client and friendly Howard.\"] I am in a classroom. A man is teaching philosophy. His desk is one school desk standing on top of another school desk. Piled on top of that is lots of books. It is all precarious and unstable. I am his assistant. A woman student is having problems. I counsel her trying to be supportive and helpful. I work as a counselor in the classroom. Now I am home and in bed, the woman client is in bed with me. She has an injured disabled foot. I am still counseling her. Howard comes in. I explain to him this is my client. He nods at her foot. I say yes, she has a hurt foot. He seems friendly and supportive."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4248", 
            "content": "(12/10/01)[\"Out of body experience.\"] I am in bed asleep. I get up and walk into a living room. This place is old and funky like many of my dream places. I see a typewriter with a carbon paper on it sitting on the old couch. There are lots of odd looking machines and machine parts. Dwight has been inventing things again. I go to a black computer monitor and turn it on. I see lots of writing on the screen. I realize I've gone on line and a prepaid telephone card is adding up the charges. I can't remember how to use the computer so I shut it down using Alt and delete keys. Then Dwight's odd machines begin to expand. One is a metal silver cylinder a few feet across and it is growing toward the ceiling. I am concerned it will push through and cause damage. It in fact pushes against the ceiling and bulges it. I hear a loud snap of a 2 x 4 snapping. This doesn't seem safe, so I leave the room and return to my bedroom. I have trouble remembering where it is. I open a door and see myself sleeping in a hospital bed, like my own. I approach myself. I don't look well. I then enter my body and see the blinds on the window and realize my consciousness had transferred back into myself."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4249", 
            "content": "(12/11/01)[\"Dream workshop.\"] I am attending a dream workshop. It lasts for days. I sleep in someone's car. The workshop is crowded and I have barely enough room for my wheelchair in the group. I need to go pee and enter a bathroom. It is crowded. I look for accessible toilets. None. Then I see one but an able bodied woman is using it. She points a device and says that's for the disabled. Use that. I look at it. It looks like a weight scale for babies. I say I don't know how to use it. I wait for her to finish. She leaves saying it's broken. I look and see slugs in an old fashioned metal bedpan. I explain to another woman that I can't use the lower toilets because of the damage in my knees. I leave. It is the end of the workshop. I pack. I have several wonderful books on dreams that I bought. I go to the car and the family that owns it are annoyed that I used it. I apologize and take my mess out of there. They drive off. I decide to stay the afternoon enjoying the dream crowd and talk. Then I realize I have no place to sleep. A man allows me to share his single cot. We have to hide me under him. It is cozy and safe. No one finds me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4250", 
            "content": "(12/12/01)[\"I am Dad's bridesmaid.\"] I am involved with some secret spy business where I am trying to steal secrets or get business information. A man on a couch has large dark eyes and is gasping for air. He is having a heart attack. I am trying to get a signature from someone to take over the business. A man is escaping in a car. As he drives down the narrow steep mountain road a white substance appears on the road whenever he uses his brakes. He tries not to use his brakes so he won't be detected, but the road is dangerous, so he must, on the curves. Now my father is getting married and I am the bridesmaid. I wear a pretty long dress. The bride isn't there, but we do the wedding anyway."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4251", 
            "content": "(12/13/01)[\"Lila the camel.\"] I am riding a two humped camel across a large desert. Someone is with me. Her name is Lila, or something like that. We come to a city, maybe an Arabian one. We walk with the camel. Now she has to poop and I am frantically trying to get her out of the city so she can do that, but the poop comes part way out as she is walking near a man and it messes his pants. I feel badly."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4252", 
            "content": "(12/13/01)[\"Dress size too large.\"] I am in a store. The woman clerk brings me a few dresses to try on. I see they are very large and very colorful. Not my usual style of colors. But I try one on. The clerk insists that the dress is the right size. It is an 18. I say no, I wear a 16 or even a 14. I put it on and show her how loose it is with plenty of room to spare. I take it off. Now I look through the racks and can't find any other dresses to try on. I am also looking for things for Charla. Then Dwight and Jake are there. I say something to Jake who is being non cooperative. A man sitting near him asks him why he isn't being helpful to me. Jake says grumpily if you want to be my friend, don't tell me what to do. I have to return a phone device I bought. I assure Dwight that I will pay for it if I have to so he won't get stuck with the bill, since he put it on his visa card for me."
        }, 
        {
            "number": "4253", 
            "content": "(12/13/01)[\"Where's Dad and sleeping mice.\"] I return from M City with Charla. I am moving my computer furniture into a bedroom. Placing it so I can see out the window comfortably. I see a pile of plastic stack boxes and look in one that has jelly belly candies in it. I see two fat little mice and think they are dead. I see one stretch so I know they are sleeping. I need to find my father. I walk out of the bedroom up one stairs to another part of this house. I enter a kitchen. Some other family lives there now. The woman has to move the stove for me to get through. Narrow passageway. I go down a hall to the living room. Lots of young adults with babies are sitting or lying on couches and opened couch beds. My father isn't there. I realize he didn't return from M City with us. I ask the people if my mail arrived. They said yes but they can't find where they put it. I am frustrated. I walk back to my bedroom only the passageway from the kitchen is now partially blocked off with a piece of plywood. I squeeze through just barely. Then I see boxes of Jello in plastic containers. One a giant sized box. I decide to buy them. I turn back and ask Jerry E. the store clerk to ring them up. Now I am walking with them and realize they are very heavy. And I wonder what flavors they are. I should have looked first. I chide myself for not thinking of that before I bought them. I am angry at myself for scooping up a bargain before thinking it through and thereby wasting my money. I always do that. Annoyed."
        }
    ]
}